#that's their miscommunication here because otherwise I think they have a very healthy relationship

[kingarthurflourofficial]

july books

starter villain 3.5/5 (i do love! a john scalzi. his books feel so much like coming home even when i'm not hugely intrigued by the premise - he's an author you can trust to have a satisfying if weird ending)

cyber mage DNF (i love saad z hossain's other books - just think his style of writing is a little better suited to his novellas)

kundo wakes up 3.5/5 (see above! i love the world of his novellas a LOT and i think this was my fave yet.)

the parliament 3/5 (great concept! some really good moments! just didn't really click with me and i didn't like the main couple or think they made a good pairing)

hitchhikers guide to the galaxy 3.5/5 (by contrast, much more fun a re-read of this vs castle in the air - i felt a lot more competent at picking up on the nuance and satire vs when i read This at fifteen lol)

running close to the wind 4.5/5 (WHAT A FUN BOOK! only quibble was how much it felt like fanfiction like - in a fun way for sure! just very much like we were reading a couple we already knew the framework for so the author felt comfortable jumping right into the action and i could have used a little more time with worldbuilding)

the duke at hazard 5/5 (AHHHHHHHHHHHH NEW KJC AHHHH AND IT'S A GORGEOUS HOMAGE TO HEYER'S THE FOUNDLING! what a soft and enfolding work it is it's only been a couple weeks since i read it and already i want to be back in that world!)

the house of the red balconies 5/5 (talking of soft and comforting works! this was my introduction to aj demas and please know i immediately stayed up until four am reading three more of her books.)

sword dance 4/5 (loveeee a secret agent using his skills as a dancer to go undercover! love a disabled soldier loving them and seeing them as a whole person and vice versa!)

saffron alley 5/5 (OUGHHHHH now this is a MASTERCLASS in how you do miscommunication. not a plot device not a gimmick but something showing characters' inner lives and struggles and growth!)

strong wine 4/5 (not enough of the Boukos family but otherwise lives up to the promise of the first two)

kill the farmboy DNF (has the AUDACIty to say it's an homage to terry pratchett. i wouldn't let terry pratchett piss within a hundred yards of this book because it would be too good for it.)

soulless 3/5 (doesn't take itself too seriously! if it had been a little more queer i think i would have like it more and as it was the sexy scenes weren't too awful for a straight couple, but then i'm a sucker for a werewolf)

a botanical daughter 2/5 (INFURIATING. how dare it have a gorgeous premise of two insane gay victorian men creating themselves a daughter from taxidermy and mushrooms and fail at the premise so badly i WANTED the daughter to go feral and murder them all)

prospects 3/5 (i'm not trying to be rude and i had a pretty good time reading this but my gods and little fishes there was SO. much. baseball. {shocking in this sports novel about baseball})

evenings and weekends 2/5 (maybe i am just. very much not the target audience for this kind of book but i hateeeeee books were people are just wandering around lying to each other and themselves and generally being dicks. like what's the point! also not helped by my hating london and the hottest days of summer which is arguably the main character here.)

box hill 4.5/5 (okay listen. listen. i know everyone and their aunt has to have perfect morals these days and write the stoplight system into all their fanfiction they write for fun and therefore even moreso for published works but DAMN. i loved this book! it made me feel FERAL like! is it a portrayal of a healthy relationship? absolutely not. sustainable? no way. does it seep into your bones with a kind of aching longing for something formless and deep and heavy? Y E S. it does exactly what it sets out to do and i simultaneously want to force everyone i know to read it and also hug it to myself and snarl when people try lest they read it the wrong way.)

[taterturnspages]

THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS BY ALI HAZELWOOD BOOK REVIEW

Genre(s): Fiction, Romance, Contemporary

No Spoilers

STAR RATING: 4.5/5

SPICE RATING: 2/5

SYNOPSIS:

Olive Smith, Ph.D. candidate at Stanford University, doesn’t date. Her relationship with science far outweighs any romance. Olive decides to give in and goes on a few dates with Jeremy…which were less than stellar to say the least. Olive and Jeremy did not last, but Olive’s best friend, Ahn, is interested in Jeremy, but refuses to pursue him because…girl code…duh. Olive convinces Ahn that she is dating other people, which is great…except she isn’t dating other people. Olive promises Ahn she is on a date, but she runs into Ahn late at night in the biology lab. So, Olive scrambles and starts kissing the first man she sees. That man is Dr. Adam Carlsen, a young professor known for his stern personality and tough-as-nails teaching style.

Olive and Adam agree to enter a fake relationship that will benefit Olive’s friendship and Adam’s career. Olive starts to learn that Dr. Carlsen isn’t quite what people paint him out to be. And after a disastrous science conference, Olive learns all about what Adam is really like. I mean…ALL about…

Olive discovers that her “relationship” with Adam is far more complicated that her scientific relationship. But, what will she do about it?

READ THIS IF YOU:

Want to giggle and swing your feet like a FOOL

Enjoy sarcastic banter between MMC and FMC

Love the pining and yearning between characters

Just read it. Trust me.

TROPES:

Grumpy x Sunshine

Fake-dating

Professor x Student

CHARACTERS:

Olive Smith:

I have a major soft spot for Olive. She’s had a tough life, yet still ended up in a Ph.D. program at a highly-regarded university with a solid future ahead of her. She’s diligent, selfless, strong-willed, and extremely intelligent. Her sense of humor is so nerdy and adorable, yet sarcastic and hard-hitting. I don’t say this about book characters often, but I found Olive to be relatable, especially to someone who has spent time in the academic system. I was rooting for her every step of the way during this book, and I think it’s hard to not like her. She’s such a sweet and kind soul that would do anything for the people she cares about, despite having the Earth weighing down on her shoulders in her academic career.

Adam Carlsen:

First of all, I am in deep love with this man. He is the perfect MMC, in my opinion. Let’s rattle through his qualifications, shall we? Tall; a professor; grumpy; sarcastic; knows exactly what to say and when to say it; mysterious; HOT; protective; and passionate about things he cares about. The amount of quotes from him that I annotated in my physical copy is probably embarrassing. He is single-handedly the reason that I smiled like a middle-school girl going through my first crush while reading this book. He is a man of very little words, but the small amount of words pack a giant punch. 

PRAISES, CRITIQUES, AND MY THOUGHTS:

As always, I’ll start with the criticism first. Don’t worry, there isn’t much. The biggest issue that I had with this book is that Olive lied a couple more times than necessary. I can’t decide if it was an intentional lie, or if she just feared healthy communication. In either scenario, I can’t get on board with it. One of my biggest frustrations with romance novels is when the characters miscommunicate. There wasn’t a ton of miscommunication here, though, which is why I only knocked off half of a star. I was also hoping for a little more spice in this book, and I was kind of disappointed with how little there was. Additionally, the plot was pretty predictable. I know that romance novels typically have a predictable ending, but I personally prefer a plot that surprises me. Otherwise, what keeps a reader engaged? Again, this is personal preference. Clearly, the praises far outweigh the critiques considering I only deducted half of a star.

So now, onto the praises. I loved the way that Ali Hazelwood wrote this book. I always want an author to show me what’s going on versus tell me what’s going on. There was enough description that you could picture the scene, but not too much description so you can still let your imagination personalize the experience a little. I think the characters worked seamlessly together and I firmly believe that if the characters were written ANY differently at all, this review would be drastically different. Ali Hazelwood knows chemistry (you didn’t think that you’d get through this entire review without a science pun, did you?).

I haven’t been head over heels for an MMC in a LONG time, so it says a lot that Adam Carlsen has me in my feelings. I rated this book so high purely because of his demeanor. Since this is a spoiler-free review, I don’t want to go further in detail about that, but the description of his character above should give you a good idea on what I mean.

Lastly, I didn’t learn until after I finished this book that The Love Hypothesis is a well-known Adam Driver fanfic???? I don’t know how to feel about that, haha. It makes perfect sense now that I know, but I had no idea while reading this that Adam Driver was the blueprint for Dr. Carlsen’s character. I honestly didn’t picture Adam Driver at all when I was reading this, so I guess if you aren’t a fan of him, then it’s not a huge deal. But, if you are a fan of him, then it should be easy to connect the dots while you read this.

I highly recommend this book, especially if you’re a fake-dating fanatic. I think the trope was written excellently by the author and it’s far better than most fake-dating novels that I’ve read.  

[faelicy]

Miss Faelicy I would love to get your opinion on Bingqiu.

I see people posting things like how they are "problematic" and how they don't really love each other and SQQ only feels sympathy etc. Obviously there were struggles between them as there should be (considering all that happened) and just because sqq wasn't very open and super obvious about his feelings doesn't mean they are not there..this is how I interpreted it. I would love to know your opinion

Hello! This also covers part 2 of the previous ask.

First, massive spoilers for the end of the novel. Second, a disclaimer: I despise shipwars, which I think are behind most of those comments. I hate them because it's usually all in bad faith: everyone's already committed to their interpretation of the ships, and any discussion is just a guise for justifying their preferences.

So to any readers: I don't want anything here to be used as shipwar fuel. This post is about Bingqiu's canon arc and themes. Basically, I don't know or care if Bingqiu is a good ship, but I do think it's a well-written one.

I'll start by saying directly: for most of the novel, Bingqiu is neither healthy nor romantic. And that this is not bad writing, but on purpose.

A relationship that drives one party to mental breakdown isn't healthy. A relationship where that party says it's okay to hurt or kill them can't possibly be healthy. That happened because there was something deeply wrong with their relationship, something that can't be reduced to Xin Mo, miscommunication, or LBH throwing a tropey yandere fit.

And out of all three MXTX novels, only SV lacks a love confession from the MC to the ML. Again, I don't think it's an oversight, or just because SQQ's face is too thin. There are plenty of ways MXTX could have worked a subtle one in if she really wanted to.

In my opinion, Bingqiu's narrative can be split up into four arcs: Qing Jing Peak (ch 1-27), Jin Lan City (28-43), Post-revival (29-55), and Reconciliation (56-81). Other than the first arc, where their relationship is pretty straightforward, Bingqiu spend most of the rest in direct conflict.

I'll give an overview of the arcs here, but what I truly want to say about Bingqiu starts in arc 4, so if you're impatient you can scroll down. But the overview might help add context.

Jin Lan City arc is about LBH's anger at being brutally betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust. Here he tries to force answers out of SQQ, who he believes both hates him and is a hypocrite. He's driven by a desire to return to the past, but his rage and love makes his actions contradictory: on one hand he tries to win SQQ's approval constructively, by climbing to the top of Huan Hua Palace and performing good deeds, on the other hand his belief that SQQ doesn't care about him so it's all futile anyway (reinforced by SQQ's own actions) causes him to lash out destructively, going as far as to hurt and imprison SQQ.

LBH's bitterness is portrayed very negatively, because all it does is instill despair into SQQ, until SQQ ends up believing that he's only been a blight on LBH's life, and that he must make up for it by killing himself. Whereupon LBH breaks down, regressing into a childlike state. Some might ask, why does LBH never bring up the Abyss again afterwards? It's because he gives up here. This entire arc is about getting LBH to let go of past wrongs and to stop seeking answers, whether the reader believes it's fair to him or not. Because SQQ's life is more important.

Post-revival arc then is about SQQ trying to come to terms with a blackened LBH who also loves him. Interestingly, despite SQQ's horror at realizing LBH was romantically interested in him all along, SQQ actually has a very subtle but telling secondary reaction. To explain, let's back up to the first arc.

Starting around ch 9, probably as a sign of his growing affection, SQQ begins addressing LBH as 这孩子, or "this child," in his internal monologue, instead of LBH's name. He does it once each in ch 9, 12, 17, 21, 25. However, once Jin Lan City arc starts, SQQ drops the address entirely. LBH and "child" are never brought up together except for one snarky comment on LBH's tantrum being disgracefully childish in ch 38.

At first glance this doesn't look noteworthy because LBH by this point is no longer a kid. But when LBH kisses him in ch 49, SQQ changes again: right away he returns to using "child" on LBH, and the "this child" address starts popping up at a much higher frequency. By the end of SV SQQ has referred to LBH as a child in some manner at least 35 times (yes I went and counted), with the vast majority after ch 49, and he continues to do so right into the last extra.

Why was SQQ unwilling to use this address of affection for over 20 chapters? Perhaps because he too thought LBH hated him, and couldn't bear to think about him so intimately knowing that. So SQQ immediately falling back into it the moment he learns LBH loves him is a sign of his relief. He's still dismayed at the romantic part, but though SQQ likes to deflect from his real emotions (this is the guy who focused on bad naming sense after being fatally poisoned, who cavalierly commented only after it was all over that he'd expected to die), the fact that LBH loves and doesn't hate him, means a lot.

Here SQQ's feelings towards LBH are at their most complicated. He still assumes the worst of him like in Jin Lan City, but now because of the above, also sees a lonely child whenever LBH is unhappy and lost. It's like he has two filters actively interfering with each other, "crazed criminal" and "pitiful child," and so he flip-flops between pushing LBH away and comforting him. But when LBH drags CQMS into it, and even seemingly takes advantage of SQQ's love for him, SQQ's negative image and frustration with him only grows, until he finally snaps and tells LBH to never come near him again.

At this point SQQ still believes that LBH is the same black-hearted, invincible, devil incarnate that og!LBH was portrayed to be. The Reconciliation arc starts by chipping away at this filter that's been plaguing SQQ for so long. First the revelation that TLJ/ZZL was behind the sowers, thus clearing LBH's name at Jin Lan City. Then we see how unloved he is by his own father; we see him injured and helpless and unconscious. Meng Mo yells at SQQ, reinforcing that image of a vulnerable, terrified child. So by ch 62 SQQ has thrown away the "crazed criminal" filter completely, and in that same chapter they cling to each other and finally make up. Because while it's true that the current LBH is misanthropic, antisocial, and mercurial, SQQ has also finally accepted that he's still the same LBH he'd raised and doted on, back on Qing Jing Peak.

Now I'm going to talk about what I see as the most important part of Bingqiu. Yes, despite the wall of text already.

A common sentiment of Bingqiu shippers about their issues seems to be, "SQQ is dumb and oblivious; he can't figure out what LBH needs even though he loves him because he sees LBH as a novel character," but I think the problem is far more complicated and insidious than that. If that was everything, why give SQQ the epiphany that he misunderstood LBH so early? Why have him think in ch 66 that "truthfully, he'd never really trusted Luo Binghe, and that's why he kept accidentally hurting him?" If he's already realized that he shouldn't treat LBH like og!LBH (he even meets og!LBH in ch 71 to rub it in further), why do we go another 13 chapters believing their relationship is good and well, even giving us a sweet, happy moment in ch 75, only to show LBH having the worst breakdown of the novel just 4 chapters later? Was it all just padding to demonstrate the danger of Xin Mo?

Or is there something else beneath the surface?

In ch 66, the same chapter where SQQ implies he doesn't want to accidentally hurt LBH anymore, he says something telling. When LQG is skeptical that LBH can be trusted, SQQ thinks, 家里孩子不懂事，大人不容易做, or "when your child doesn't know any better, as the adult you don't have it easy." The child here of course refers to LBH, and the adult is SQQ, who's complaining about smoothing over LBH's messes. But what is SQQ implying here?

Doesn't know any better? That's what you say about a toddler who can't think for themselves, not a grown man. LBH is 25 and SQQ thinks he doesn't know better. Doesn't know better about what? LBH's wants, his needs? His feelings? Or even what's good for him?

And then you realize that's exactly how SQQ's always treated him, like a helpless child who can't make his own choices.

It's SQQ who chooses to throw LBH down into the Abyss without trying to talk to him. It's SQQ who decides that keeping silent is the best choice. It's SQQ who believes self-destructing in front of LBH will help, who thinks that breaking off their relationship is for the better. And it's SQQ who scolds LBH into tolerating CQMS, even though they hate each other and CQMS is hostile towards him. Who forces him to leave first at Zhao Hua Temple despite LBH's pleas otherwise, who shoos him out the window when CQMS walks in on them.

Every single one of these decisions, SQQ made believing it was for the best (repair LBH's relationship with his family, help him avoid arrest, not wanting to make excuses, wanting LBH to be free of his hatred), and every single one of them only damaged LBH further. Because SQQ's never listened to him, even once. Never consulted him or considered his feelings.

(And LBH did try to bring up his feelings on one of the matters in ch 75. He insinuates to SQQ that he doesn't like LQG calling him "little beast" or "ingrate." And SQQ's response is to dismiss them entirely, saying that LQG's "not wrong.")

SQQ has always loved LBH, but he's never once respected LBH's agency or personhood. Because LBH doesn't know better and SQQ does, so SQQ must make all his decisions for him.

And this, amplified by Xin Mo, is what finally drives LBH mad in ch 79.

To LBH, the important part isn't whether SQQ loves him, which I think he knew after ch 43 (it's why he can be so daring and pushy with SQQ's boundaries). What's important is that the moment SQQ believes abandoning LBH is justified for whatever reason again, SQQ absolutely will.

Ch 80's two-way noncon (since LBH was basically unconscious and couldn't consent) tends to draw most of the attention, but I actually think that what happens afterwards is one of the most important scenes for Bingqiu. There SQQ tries to sacrifice himself a second time for LBH, drawing Xin Mo's demonic qi into his body. Yet the novel claims that SQQ's actions here are completely different than in ch 43. SQQ himself says that this time he's doing it for LBH, while last time he was doing it for himself. But can the reader see a functional difference?

There is one, in fact: it's SQQ's response to LBH's choice afterwards. LBH decides to follow SQQ in death, even though this would void the point of SQQ's sacrifice. But instead of insisting otherwise, SQQ just accepts it. Because he finally understands that whether LBH's life is worth living, whether LBH will be better off, is for LBH and only LBH to decide.

It's the first time he respects LBH's agency. And this is the only reason why he and LBH can finally begin building a healthy relationship on the mess they've had up to now.

So that's what I see as the true beauty behind Bingqiu. It's about communication and mistaken assumptions, yes, but it's also about the nature of love between parent and child. The romantic developments were left to the extras, I believe, because this was the main story MXTX wanted to tell with them. Their relationship as lovers only starts afterwards, hence why SV ends with, "the story between you and I, has only just begun." It was never meant to be a whirlwind romance where they fall in love cleanly. It might not to be to everyone's tastes, but an incredible amount of thought was put into the narrative, and that's what amazed me when I first finished this novel.

(This post went on way too long and I ended up cutting off a huge chunk of tangential stuff and how SQQ came to his realization in ch 79: he didn't do it alone. It took him seeing the LBH in TLJ and the himself in YQY for him to understand. In fact, YQY and og!SQQ's relationship has a similar parent-and-child dynamic. I've touched on it before on twitter; if there's interest I might try writing that up here too.)

[suitofmercy]

part 3 of bakudeku scott pilgrim au. now featuring the league of evil exes (or something else clever).

this group differs a bit from the original league in scott pilgrim as they are still much a group of izuku’s exes who want to either win him back or simply control his life. but, they all actually care for him and want him to be truly happy, so they’re not really bad guys.

...but, then again, they do all hate katsuki, but that’s expected. minus a couple, some of these relationships were healthy turned sour by miscommunication. i also included how some of their fight scenes with katsuki will go, so let's go at it!

Tenya Iida (1)

An overly practical, straightforward, intelligent boyfriend for Izuku in his earlier years after he became impressed about Izuku’s heroic personality. They dated once, but Izuku left the relationship as Tenya was making it a bit too stressful for him.

FIGHT!

They fight during a concert. Tenya apologetically interrupts the band from playing, commencing a fight with Bakugou who was confused, but regardlessly accepts the fight. Speed VS Explosion

Fumikage Tokoyami (2)

Another serious, reserved but dedicated boyfriend for Izuku. Met in some strange ninja bird training camp or whatever and dated for awhile. Fumikage was honored by Izuku’s intellect and positivity, with Dark Shadow also having a liking to him. Izuku sort of left him once he became famous. Didn’t want to a burden, causing problems with him in a spotlight, so Izuku just leaves.

FIGHT!

Taking inspiration from the Tournament Arc! But, giving Fumikage an advantage of choosing a dark location, even though he doesn’t have fully control over Dark Shadow

Shoto Todoroki (3)

I don’t know why does Izuku attract the serious types.

Todoroki is guitarist in Jirou’s band (Earphone Jack). (Totally based on Todd)

They somehow started dating after Izuku helped him with his daddy’s issues, but really Shoto was purely oblivious to the fact. He does hold deep feelings of romance and respect for Midoriya (“We just kissed...and did stuff.”). They actually dated a long time until Izuku just breaks it off since he believed Todoroki broke it off. They had a confusing relationship to tell you the truth. (Like Ann and Chris in Parks and Rec)

FIGHT!

Again with inspiration from the Tournament Arc! But he willing use both fire and ice power, mainly ice to cool down the environment, so Katsuki can’t sweat that easily (only uses fire to taunt Katsuki because he’s a jerk)

Todo: “Oh so, he is your rebound, Midoriya.” And, then, Katsuki snaps.

Uraraka Ochaco (4)

Yeah, Izuku dated a girl (two girls actually, but we get into those details later). (

Katsuki: “The ****! You dated a girl!”

Izuku: “I was...guess you say ‘bi-curious’...”

They were first best friends throughout high school before Uraraka developed feelings for him and asked him out. Izuku (who couldn’t say no, even though he was obviously gay) gave it a shot, but they mutually broken up when Uraraka saw that he wasn’t really interested in him.

FIGHT!

Yeah, this tournament arc is pretty much my medicine to write fight scenes. But, she has her own access to weapons (sharing the same belt as Roxie). Uses it to propel her some high places and as deadly offense attacks.

The only reason Uraraka is in this league because she wants to be sure that Katsuki will be a good boyfriend for him (Also, she is from a poor family, so she was hoping to earn some cash from Hitoshi). Even after she is defeated, she begins to cheer their relationship on. As she has nothing better to do. She also gets to work part-time with Katsuki.

Himiko Toga (5)

(She is also OUR Knives Chau too! Or, I think she be better suited as Knives... I am open to thoughts lol)

She is the only one who is willing to hurt/harm Izuku, but she declares that it is for the name of LOVE! They never actually met in person, but only dated online where Izuku thought that she was male. She may also has a crush on Bakugou and was his self-proclaimed girlfriend in the beginning before oddly disappearing coming back to fight him! She does stalk him though...just because

FIGHT!

Either Togo disguised herself both as Izuku and Uraraka to fight Katsuki. She does have more than one fight, that's for sure. She also attacks Izuku first with Momo and Mina aiding him...at the mall as they were shopping that day for reason.

A conversation between Katsuki and Izuku regarding Toga:

Izuku: *nervous* “He seemed so nice...online…?”

Katsuki: “Let me see those messages.” *snatches phone, sees highly inappropriate, creepy messages* “You dense idiot.”

Mirio Toogata (6)

To be honest, I still have no idea how this would work. Would love to have any suggestions or even replacements lol.

Hitoshi Shinsou (7)

The mastermind of the whole league! His relationship with Izuku is pretty much strange since he held such a tsundere feelings for him. (Paralleling to Katsuki) But, became very controlling in the relationship that Izuku just had to leave. He does care for him, but his actions says otherwise. (I love Shinsou, but you can't tell me that he won't make the perfect Gideon!)

A guy who doesn’t like to sleep, thus has nothing better to do than to stalk his ex.

“We’re kind of alike, aren’t we, Kaccchannn.” On the phone.

FIGHT!

Their endgame isn’t a battle since Hitoshi can’t fight in my opinion. Let’s gamble on Izuku’s life! Talking and conversation is his forte anyway to use his powers.

He appears more frequently towards the end, taunting Katsuki and trying to backstab bakudeku relationship.

So, yeah, here's are the seven exes!

[faebriel]

ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

-

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

[nikibogwater]

Bogwater’s Guide to Writing Platonic Relationships

Have a seat, dears, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and let’s talk about writing for a bit. Specifically, writing emotionally intense, compelling relationships that are completely devoid of any romantic tension.

“Niki, those don’t exist! The only relationships that are truly intense and compelling are the romantic ones! Everybody knows that!”

*gently bonks you on the head with my magic scepter* NO. This is a common misconception that is perpetuated by media and especially fandom culture. And it stems from this bizarre idea that emotional intimacy must always equate with romantic intimacy. I have no idea where this idea got its start, but if you ask literally anybody who has experienced real, genuine friendship in their life, they will tell you it’s absolute nonsense. Just because you’re not doing the kissy-kiss with someone, that doesn’t mean you’re not emotionally intimate with them.

“But I don’t want any emotional intimacy without the kissy-kiss! It’s boring!” 

Yeah, so, there’s a reason platonic relationships in modern media often feel less interesting than romantic ones, and it’s precisely because of what I said above. Media producers and many fic authors are skittish about showing platonic love with the same level of depth and emotional intensity as romantic, so it often ends up being somewhat watered down and simplified, to the point that it becomes a less interesting relationship. The only thing this does is perpetuate the idea that any and all emotional intimacy immediately implies romantic attraction (it does not) while also devaluing the very real importance of genuine friendship/familial bonds. 

“Okay, but what if I just like romance better?”

That’s your personal preference, and that’s okay! Everybody has their favorite genres and tropes that resonate with them more than others. My personal favorite is Family, Found or otherwise (with a healthy dose of Hurt/Comfort on the side), but I can totally understand if romance speaks to you more. HOWEVER. This does not excuse writers and other content producers from low-key asserting that romantic relationships are objectively “better” than platonic ones. Hard fact of life: Nobody needs to experience romance, and even those who do experience it do so in different ways. But everybody does need to have emotional connections with other people through the bonds of friendship and family. Believe it or not, romantic love is not a universal experience. Platonic though? Everybody knows that one, and everybody needs it to be happy. To devalue it as a whole is to impose a toxic mindset that forces people to experience relationships in a very narrow and restrictive way.

Okay--*steps off my soap box and kicks it to the side*--now that we’ve established that friendship is important and should be given the same value that society gives to romance, let’s talk about a few ways to write intense and compelling platonic relationships!

Emotional Intimacy:

I’ve talked about this a lot already, but just in case some of you are confused, emotional intimacy is just when two people have a very deep familiarity and understanding of each other. They understand how the other’s mind works, and feel comfortable opening up to each other about their own stuff. Obviously, this is very important for any relationship, platonic or romantic, but writers will often limit such familiarity between characters to the romantic relationships. The first step to writing an interesting friendship is to not do that. Show that your platonic soulmates understand each other and are vulnerable with each other. Here are some easy ways to do that:

Character A knows all of Character B’s personal preferences--likes and dislikes, including small things like food, flowers, music, etc. 

A can finish B’s sentences for them. 

A is willing to talk about their feelings when B asks if they’re okay.

A and B trust each other and know the other always has their back

A and B will occasionally reference events in their shared history and even have inside jokes

A will seek B out for comfort when they are upset.

A and B almost never miscommunicate--they know what the other means when they say something, and will immediately notice if the other is acting strange.

A and B can communicate with each other silently, via subtle looks, eye movements, or gestures.

Selflessness:

To quote a grossly over-marketed Disney franchise, “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This is the simplest and also most accurate definition of love I’ve come across, and it is universal to all kinds of relationships. So in order to make your platonic relationship compelling, you need to show that the characters are willing to make sacrifices for each other--even big ones. Make sure this is a mutual exchange between both characters, because otherwise you risk making the relationship look a bit toxic. Here are a few of my favorite examples of selflessness between friends/family:

Character A willingly puts themselves in harm’s way in order to protect Character B.

A is always ready to drop what they’re doing and come to B’s assistance. 

A and B regularly do small favors for each other without being asked. 

A is always mindful of B’s needs and makes sure they’re taken care of.

A and B always do their best not to hurt each other, either physically or emotionally. 

A is openly very worried whenever B is in danger and stops at nothing to help them.

Affection:

This is the part where most writers balk when writing platonic relationships. “They can’t touch each other!!! That’s sexy and weird!!!” No, it’s not. This idea that any and all signs of affection are exclusive to romantic relationships is toxic, and we need to wipe it from existence. Obviously there are different levels of physical intimacy, and some absolutely are exclusive to romantic relationships. Here’s a list of No-Gos if you want to keep a relationship completely platonic:

Kissing on the lips/mouth/neck.

Gazing deeply and silently into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for no other reason than to simply Gaze.

Doing the Do or otherwise touching each other in an explicitly sexual way (I feel like this one should be pretty obvious. Also wth guys, that stuff is grooooosssssssss 🤢)

Honestly those are the only ones that I can think of that are always exclusively romantic. Everything else requires pre-established context in order to be taken as such. So here’s a list of affectionate gestures that are totally safe for established platonic relationships!

Little forehead/cheek kisses.

Hugs--yes, even prolonged ones. Sometimes friends/family just want to hold each other for a while, and not in a sexy way. 

Holding hands.

Leaning on each other.

Playing with each other’s hair or gently petting it in order to offer comfort.

Sleeping next to each other when circumstances require it (and neither of them makes any fuss over it)

Saying “I love you.” STOP MAKING THIS AN EXCLUSIVELY ROMANTIC THING, PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE IN THIS WORLD!

Touching foreheads (my personal favorite of the lot!)

Maintaining prolonged eye-contact during moments of sincerity and communication, especially if Character A is trying to tell B something important.

Sweet little smiles, or other such soft looks of fondness

And many other gestures that I don’t have time to go over in this list.

Tip the First: When writing platonic affection, be sure to bear in mind your characters’ personalities and physical differences. For example, if Character A is significantly bigger and heavier than Character B, they probably wouldn’t be tackle-hugging B, because that would risk seriously injuring B. Different personalities also have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical affection. If you’re writing fanfic, it helps to revisit the source material and observe how the two characters interact with each other. And remember: just because two characters aren’t physically affectionate with each other, it does NOT mean they don’t have a deep and meaningful friendship. Also bear in mind that many people have different dynamics with different friends simply due to the way their personalities fit together. Not all of my friendships look the same, and it’s not because of insincerity on my part--I just have different interactions with different people.

Tip the Second: If you want the gestures of affection to really pack a punch, use them sparingly. Save your long, warm embraces for when the two characters finally reunite after a long separation. Have Character A take B’s hand only when they can sense that B is frightened and in need of reassurance. A “First Platonic Hug” scene can be just as sweet and feelsy as a “First Kiss” scene if you do it right! Also, don’t be afraid to talk at length about how a gesture of affection makes a character feel. Describe the warm fuzzies that bubble up in their chest when their friend/family member gives them a hug, wax poetic about how grateful they are to have said friend/family member in their life. Taking time to explore and dwell on a certain feeling should never be strictly reserved for the ones associated with romance. 

And when in doubt:

Observe the professionals. Here are some fantastic platonic relationships from various pieces of media that I take tons of inspiration from:

Frodo and Sam from Lord of the Rings (especially in the books)

Jim and Toby from Dreamworks’ Tales of Arcadia series

Din and Cara from Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Lilo and Nani from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

So in conclusion:

Listen, I get it. Romance is exciting and cute and sexy and very important in its own right, and society likes to beat us over the head with it these days. But I cannot impress on you enough just how vital platonic relationships are to living a good and fulfilling life. I am who I am today because of the family and friends who have helped me grow. Please don’t disregard it, whether in your writing or in your own life. Cherish friendship. Acknowledge the depth of your platonic feelings for someone. And writers, please don’t be afraid to express those feelings in your work. If we let friendship and family die, I can assure you, any potential for healthy romantic relationships will quickly follow suit. 

[bipirate]

i thought it’d be fun to write a post about my thoughts about legend of fei and my experience watching it! if you’ve been following me since i started watching this show you’ll know i’ve been enjoying it a lot and i definitely recommend it if you like romance dramas and historical fantasy genres. however, the show wasn’t perfect and i think it’d be interesting to discuss those things as well. tldr; i do not think a show has to be ‘perfect’ to be good or enjoyable. is it not enough to have wang yibo play a man so bisexual and so singularly devoted to his bisexual blade wielding wife?

disclaimer: i have not read the book it’s based on and i never will 

first off, here’s why i loved legend of fei:

the healthy and natural romance progression between xie yun and zhou fei. there’s no weird miscommunication or possessive or otherwise unhealthy behaviour from either of them (except for that one time xie yun used knock out drugs on zhou fei without her knowledge or consent... that sucked). their relationship is based on a healthy foundation of mutual trust, respect, admiration, and of course, banter. and it’s really refreshing to see such a wholesome and gentle relationship with an m/f couple! 

the ROMANCE. literally any time xie yun holds a monologue about how much he loves zhou fei. the scene where xie yun does zhou fei’s hair and says he just wants to do her hair for the rest of his life. the almost kiss when theyre at madam nichang’s place. the longing glances. the way they would both die for each other. the way they keep feeding each other food. the entirety of the lantern scene. the red dress. xie yun writing poetry for zhou fei. i can go on

really good and interesting relationship dynamics, and not just between romantic couples! for example: yang jin/li yan/ying hecong, zhou fei and her parents, madam nichang and zhou fei+xie yun, etc. the only drawback is i wish some relationships were explored more, such as yang jin + xie yun, li yan + xie yun, zhou fei + li sheng, li yan + wu chuchu, wu chuchu and... literally everyone except li sheng tbh

this show pushes the bisexual AND the men get pegged agendas and i think that’s very sexy 

milfs! women with swords! women without swords or martial art skills still being badass and interesting!

it’s so fucking funny at times. the bath scene where xie yun thinks zhou fei is going to bathe him but she saddles him up with li sheng. the whole episode where the third prince comes to propose to zhou fei, thinking he actually has a chance, and zhou fei using this to tease xie yun. that time xie yun walked into a tree because he was too busy making eyes at zhou fei. ‘i sell talent, not my body’. when zhou fei is like ‘is it illegal to hit the emperor’ and xie yun is like ‘it’s just as illegal as hitting a commoner’ and zhou fei is like ‘good’ and hits him

the unlikely alliance between zhou fei and mu xiaoqiao... that’s her gay uncle! i wish they had more scenes together tbh. also i wish they didn’t use a gay stereotype for a character that’s initially a villain and then dies unceremoniously but also i wouldn’t like him so much if he wasn’t so obviously gay

it’s a given that i love xie yun and zhou fei but i think a surprise fave for me was yang jin, so he deserves a bullet point for himself. i just think he’s delightful. he shows his love and respect by challenging people to a fight. he rubs the back of his head when he’s embarrassed. he’s shy. he’s a himbo. he has a single earring. his blade is huge and has rings pierced into it. his outfits are my favourite of the whole show. he’s bisexual. he has a gf AND a bf. what’s not to love 

some things i didn’t really like:

shaky cam and really rough editing in some sections. it’s not always the case and i usually don’t really care about this stuff but some episodes really could’ve been edited better. the scenes at the end of yin pei’s storyline with eyepatch guy were so badly done (but i barely care bc i hate yin pei and i’m glad they rushed those scenes lmao)

the pacing is kinda weird? the build up is very slow at first and it left some things feeling vaguely unresolved. the final battle was over very quick, i expected some more tense moments and problem solving. all in all i think the plot couldve been more condensed, they didn’t need 51 episodes of 50 minutes. also there are some straight up plot holes, like what happened to chuchu’s brother in the end? but i know they had to rush filming because of the pandemic, so who knows what the original intent was

the sidelining of wu chuchu :( i loved how early on in the show she was hanging out with xie yun and zhou fei a lot and i really liked their dynamic. i feel like her character was kind of wasted as soon as they paired her up with li sheng. she still had her moments and i love a lesbian queen but i feel like she could have done a lot more. imagine if she had been with zhou fei and xie yun while xie yun was recovering in penglai. she couldve taken care of xie yun in zhou fei’s absence and served as emotional support for zhou fei. i miss my polycule :(

the entire character of the third prince. he was literally only there to get kidnapped, ruin plans, and propose to zhou fei out of nowhere lmao. at least the latter made for a pretty funny episode

anything to do with yin pei. he barely contributed anything to the plot tbh? you could cut him out and it wouldn’t fucking matter. the decisions he made were incomprehensible. gay legend yin wenlan didn’t adopt this bitch and then died for him to be such a fucking bastard

honestly i thought it was kinda anticlimactic how the heroes and the villains were all looking for the same thing and it was this huge mystery. and you were wondering why the villains were after this thing. and then it turns out it’s just a way to make like, super sharp swords so they can conquer the world. idk it fell kind of flat for me. but then i didn’t get into this show because of the plot if i’m honest lmao

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

All the little reasons (so far) why The 1 is my tied favourite off of Folklore

Continuation of 'classic Taylor’ patterns:

The 1 helps to carry on the tradition Taylor has put into her albums since RED where the beginning of the stories actually starts with song three. The first two songs are instead used to heavily allude to the story and themes about to be told but aren’t directly part of them and especially not the beginning of them. 

In RED, we get State of Grace which alludes to the intense love and positive side of “red” emotions with hints of ignoring red flags whereas Red shows the painful and negative “red” emotions and alludes to the themes of heartbreak. 

In 1989 we get Welcome To New York, alluding to trying to get past someone and new beginnings before transitioning into Blank Space indicating that the opinions of others, particularly surrounding her dating, is something that was going to cause issues.

In Reputation we got ...Ready For It, where the verses again show a somewhat satirical take of how people see the both of them in a dark, “edgy” beat that is often used for “angry” tracks mixed with a “softer” tune more used for happier music for the chorus where she talks about being alone with him and doing what she actually wants to. Then we get End Game which serves as a contrast and connecting piece to the “angry/unhealthy” and “happy/healthy” sides of the album. We get the big declaration of love and showy attitude with hints of insecurity because that’s ultimately what Taylor saw as love in the past which contrasts with the quieter moments of love in the later half of the album such as squeezing hands in a cab or building metaphorical fires in locked up houses to keep each other warm.

In Lover we get I Forgot That You Existed to indicate the theme of figuring out who and what’s truly important in life before moving onto Cruel Summer which not only shows the theme of holding onto each other when things are rough, but the importance of communication in a relationship.

And what about Folklore? The 1 and Cardigan brings us into the fantasy world of Folklore by first asking “What If?” and reminding us that life is full of choices and those choices matter in the grand scheme of things. While the rest of the album tells seemingly unquestionable stories relying on how the characters actually felt, The 1 and Cardigan both rely on nostalgia before reminding us right at the end of each song that that wasn’t how the story went and that certain choices were the reason for that... Which leads me to my next point:

One thing being different would not have made everything different today:

As I previously mentioned, one of the major themes of Folklore is that choices matter. Another interlocking theme is that things just don’t happen out of the blue. The choices we make add up and can cause a perfect storm. 

Looking at this through the lens of the love triangle, in order for James to be in the position he’s in in “Betty”, it wasn’t enough that August happened to be there. The guy Betty was dancing with had to ask her to dance, James had to feel insecure about it AND be immature enough to sulk and leave rather than telling Betty how he felt, August had to show up when she did, James had to make the continuous choice to spend the Summer with August, Inez had to tell Betty what happened and finally Betty had to be offended enough to break up with James. The situation the three of them found themselves in could have been prevented at several different points, making it impossible to say if one thing had been different, it all would have been. 

Despite the lyric, The 1 also shows that one thing being different wasn’t likely to have the desired effect of the pair ending up together through several lyrics throughout the song.

In my defence I have none for never leaving well enough alone - This gives the implication that the narrator was prone to starting arguments over topics that didn’t need to be fought over.

If you wanted me you really should have shown it - The narrator shows that the other person didn’t make it seem like a serious long term relationship was an option. Though this could have been a miscommunication, it also implied to me that the other person wasn’t ready to settle down and acted as such meaning that a long term relationship probably wasn’t on the cards.

Rose flowing with your chosen family.... In my defence I have none - So I’m going to go into this a bit later because it relates to a couple of the reasons I love this song, but in short, the narrator impliedly did not make an effort with aspects of the other person’s life, in this case loved ones, that meant a lot to them nor did the narrator have those aspects for themselves.

But it would have been fun if you would have been the one - Connecting this reason with the theme of nostalgia, I find the word ‘fun’ an interesting choice from a songwriter who tends to use intense words like ‘magical’, ‘fearless’, ‘permanent’, ‘wild’ and even ‘really something’ to describe the loves of her life. In comparison, ‘fun’ feels very casual. While not a choice of the relationship, the use of the word along with lack of hard moments shown in the song does imply to me that the narrator has based this ‘what if’ on pure nostalgia and makes me assume that there several reasons things turned out like they did.

Its links with other songs on the album:

Anyone who knows me knows that my favourite aspect of an album is feeling like I got something out of listening to those songs in that order together that I couldn’t have gotten from listening to the songs alone. Often this comes from contrasts in songs like how I mentioned End Game’s production and lyrics contrast the back end of Reputation, relatability like how 22 is in between All Too Well and I Almost Do because that time with her friends is merely distracting her from her pain or hearing how the same things can be seen differently like how WANEGBT, Stayx3 and The Last Time come one after another to show the relationship was on and off, why she stayed in said relationship and those same traits that kept her staying were now why she was at the end of her rope with said relationship. Really in general RED as an album is a brilliant example because while a lot of people don’t get it, the whiplash of positive and negative songs really does represent what it’s like to be in that kind of toxic relationship.

But I’m not here to talk about RED or Reputation, I’m here to to talk about Folklore. While many people would probably say that the love triangle songs are the best representation of what I’m talking about, I honestly think The 1 and Peace are the two songs that most benefit from the context of the other songs in the album. Specifically, The 1 benefits in the following ways in my honest opinion:

The 1 serves as the other side of the same coin to Invisible String. The 1 discusses a relationship where circumstances didn’t line up to make it work whereas Invisible String describes a relationship where the stars aligned and it all did work out. Further, The 1 asks the question ‘what if things were different and this one relationship worked out?’ and Invisible String answers with ‘well thank goodness it didn’t’.

You know the greatest films of all time were never made versus I think I’ve seen this film before: the automatic assumption and link that the love in Exile was not either of their greatest loves.

If you never bleed you’re never going to grow links so well with But now I’m bleeding and Peter losing Wendy from Cardigan.

Though it’s not connected with other Folklore lyrics, the little links of things like never leaving well enough alone being in The 1 and past songs (in this case ME!) and the Sad Beautiful Tragic vibe that the second prechorus of The 1 gives always brings a smile to my face.

And finally, my favourite parallel of this whole album:

In my defence I have [no chosen family] and its link with Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother from Peace. To me, this parallel brings together everything I have said so far. It brings the album together and once again reinforces that a theme in Folklore is how choices dictate our lives. The fact that somewhere along the lines the narrator realised that there didn’t have to be a ‘his loved ones’ and ‘her loved ones’ and made the effort and choice to incorporate themselves into their partner’s life and found that to be an important part of why they are working out in a way they didn’t with their past partners lives rent free in my mind, heart and soul everyday, not going to lie. Like I don’t know how to explain it, but that link alone just added so much to both of those songs for me personally.

Other little things:

This song is beyond relatable. Like I could not tell you one person who doesn’t have that one past thing or relationship, romantic or otherwise, they wish could have been different and fantasise/romanticise what that would have looked like.

The 1 and August are the two funnest songs to sing to from Folklore and even though both are relatively sad lyrically, always give me a good boost of serotonin when I sing them.

Relating to the two points above, singing “In my defence I have none” loudly when you don’t have family and feel like none of your wishes like me ever came true feels like free therapy lmao.

While I know Taylor didn’t write The 1 from a fully autobiographical point of view, the idea of her seeing one of her multimillionaire exes at the bus stop makes me laugh every time.

It’s a grower. While it was always in my top six, as I mentioned in the title, it’s in a three way tie with August and Exile as my favourite song from Folklore right now.

All in all I just really love this song and all the tiny little details that make it amazing and honestly think it’s a very underrated song in Taylor’s discography.

[isitreallyok]

Positivity Pressure: Coping Mechanisms (Part 2)

Before I met Elyse both my problems and coping mechanisms were different and honestly one hell of a lot unhealthier. I struggled to find confidence in making healthy decisions, I was barely able to take care of myself, and ultimately I was in a horrible depressive spiral. This was familiar to me and as such I didn’t do too much differently

As you mentioned before, not everyone will have access to someone like that in their lives. What did you do before you met Elyse?

I will likely go into the more unhealthy coping mechanisms and why they were problematic for growth in the future, but there was one thing that I did that was able to help me. Whenever I got overwhelmed and felt like I needed to ask for help I took a bit of time to consider what exactly it was that I needed from someone else. This process allowed me to do two things. The first thing that I was able to accomplish through this process was to objectively determine what my problem was and what someone else could actually do to help me. The second thing this allowed me to do was figure out what I could do for myself in that moment to try to balance everything I felt like I had going on.

By analyzing my situation to the point of being able to ensure that I knew what it is that I needed, I then was able to communicate clearly to others so that they were able to know what I expected of them and there was significantly less room for miscommunication. This also meant that I was able to figure out steps that I could take before reaching out for help since asking for help is, in and of itself, a sign of vulnerability that some people are not comfortable taking all the time. In having these two things in place I was able to approach people that I may have otherwise felt uncomfortable talking to when I was in a state of crisis. This also helped me to let people know whether or not I needed positivity rhetoric in how they were trying to advise me.

This was by no means a catch all solution and, to be completely honest, often times it didn’t really do much of anything at all. However this was one more tool that I had in my arsenal of trying to keep my sanity in a world that was ever abundantly trying to take it away.

So lets bring this back to positivity. If I feel like it is what the other person needs what is the best way to try to bring it up.

For me, positivity rhetoric that talks about happiness or the You-Can-Do-It mentality are things that people know to completely avoid when working with me. That’s the biggest thing about positive thinking that drives me up a wall. If I thought that I was capable of finding happiness or that I could overcome my problems through sheer willpower I would not be reaching out for help in the first place. That doesn’t exactly answer your question though. Instead it just tells you what to avoid when dealing with people who truly believe that happiness is unattainable in that moment.

Lets pretend for a moment that I am in the middle of a crisis and you ask about the severity of the situation. I tell you that it’s nothing life threatening and that I have worked through a bit of it already and need you to hear me out. I tell you about the situation and then ask for your advice. You now know that I don’t respond to the Bobby McFerrin method of “Don’t worry, Be Happy” so you decide you want to tread carefully as this is still relatively uncharted waters for you to navigate. Some safe options in that moment would be something like pointing out what is being fixated on and providing validation to it, but also pointing out other aspects of the situation that mitigate the negative impacts of the point of hyper fixation.

An example of this would be after a breakup where it feels like no amount of love from others will help fill the hole left behind by an ex. In that moment it might be beneficial to remind the other person that though they feel lost without the presence of a romantic lover in their life, platonic and familial (not just blood family either) love exist and can be incredibly powerful in helping someone to recover from a feeling of being undeserving of romantic love because of what happened in their past relationship. In the end everyone is different so sadly this part is a lot of trial and error. One of the most important things I can think of in addressing this sort of thing is don’t hesitate to remind someone that you are coming from a place of caring about them. Often times that sort of thing can be forgotten in a tense moment and it’s always nice to be reminded of that especially when talking about things that aren’t necessarily received well.

Is there not a huge risk of this backfiring on you and making them shut down worse though?

Oh absolutely! As a matter of fact I’d be willing to wager that more often than not this is the opposite of what anyone wants to here when they are hurting. That is another inherent flaw with trying to spread positivity to those who have lost sight of it. In my opinion words are only able to do so much. I could have someone tell me all day long that I am loved and cared for, but if the person telling me that is not backing up their claims with actions that demonstrate what they are talking about I am skeptical to believe anything that they say in regards to attempting to console me or advise me about problematic times. So I say this to encourage people, myself included, not to make empty promises and to ensure that their actions back up their words. If you tell someone that you are willing to talk to them any time of the night and if they need you to call you it is always best to be prepared for a 3 AM phone call should it come. There is a possibility that just knowing someone is in their corner is enough for some people, but another huge stress for those of us struggling with keeping up our mental health is that our problems could give less of a crap about what time it is and who is available at any given time.

Another point I want to make here is that consistency is key. I know that I am guilty of getting frustrated at times when people come to me and I don’t know how to help in the moment so I just want to give up and make sure that they are good enough to get through things and wipe my hands clean of it. Feeling that way does not make you a terrible person. It just means that you have a lot on your own plate and are struggling to find the energy to help someone else while you are floundering through your own situations. If you are working with someone to try to help them through situations like this remaining consistent in what you are saying, how you handle, and the tone you take with them it is the key to one of the biggest walls that people put up.

Consistency seems like something that should be common sense though. You wouldn’t tell someone who is breaking down that you just want them to do something stupid because you personally are having a bad day.

This is very true. However I feel like the phrase common sense is a bit of a misnomer. Just because something makes sense doesn’t mean that people are going to be doing it. Frankly, that is how we get into these messes of mental and emotional turmoil in the first place. Logic and reason are both things that are quite easy to lose sight of as we go through our day to day lives. While this assumption seems completely reasonable, remember that things aren’t always that cut and dry for those who have an atypical definition of normal. In a sentence, emotions can get the best of anyone no matter what size the problem is.

I know this topic is a tough one for a lot of people and I thank you all so much for reading everything. We’ve come so far just in these two posts and we’ve got one more to go! Stick with me for the next one and we’ll put a bow on it all.

[calleo-bricriu]

Okay my question is: Should I move on from this person? (Like, is the waiting worth it) my initials are: GJ and I am a virgo he is a Cancer

As I mentioned to the last person who asked a question in the same vein: If you're at the point of asking a complete stranger, you already know the answer.

Someone who is interested in you will not string you along, will not be hot and cold with you, and will not be evasive when asked.

Any variant of, "I'm not ready for a relationship yet" or "wait until X is over/happens" is a long winded way of them gently telling you that they aren't interested.

If someone wants to form a relationship of any sort with you, they will not make you wait for some arbitrary thing to happen (and if it's "wait until my divorce is final" or "wait until I break up with my current partner" r u n. They will do the same thing to you once they get bored.)

More often than not, it's little more than a sign of immaturity and you are not his mother. It's not your job to do what she didn't and raise him properly and it's not your job to fix whatever is 'broken', more or less.

Or, in the event that they have told you no and you're still pursuing them or "waiting" for them, you need to stop. No means no means no not no until you wear them down enough to say yes; that sort of behaviour is not romantic in the least.

Your zodiac signs are irrelevant; you shouldn't wait around until someone decides you're worth their time regardless of their sign or yours and anyone who uses their sign to try and explain away behaving that way is a person you should be glad you walked away from.

People are not at the mercy of their sign, despite what some charlatans would have you believe and anyone who tells you otherwise is only testing to see how poorly you'll allow yourself to be treated while also not being adult enough to take responsibility for their own actions and reactions. Or they’re trying to figure out how gullible you are to upsell you on additional services.

Right. Anyway.

So, in this context, the Queen of Cups is a reminder that you need to be honest and direct about your feelings with other people so if you're waiting not because he's been evasive or non-committal, knock it off. I'm sure some people find that sort of thing demure and cute but, really, most people either don't notice at all or take it as a lack of interest. Playing "hard to get" so to speak is not a good way to start a stable relationship.

If you have been direct and honest about your feelings, her meaning changes to more of a "move on to someone who will actually be interested" situation.

Regardless of which bit the Queen of Cups is going on about, followed by The Lovers card it indicates that either you'll have a decent outcome if you are honest about your feelings or that once you move on you'll be able to find someone more compatible with you than the person who's been stringing you alone.

I suspect, based on Strength's position, that the Queen of Cups is more of a, "Stop wasting your time with this child,"as Strength here indicates that it's an excellent time to get out and meet someone new. It can also point toward the other person having a "wild side" and while most people who don't know how healthy human relationships work might tell you it means you have to "tame" him but do so by being all sweet and luring him with biscuits like he's some sort of stray dog, that's not how healthy human relationships work.

He's an adult, he can adjust his own behavior if he wants a relationship and, by this point, if he hasn't done so and is aware of your feelings, he's not going to.

However, with the Eight of Cups where it is, it's a strong: "Forget about this person and move on, as they are not as interested in you as you are in them."

The Moon speaks to a lot of uncertainty, insecurity, miscommunication, and deceit or that you're being lied to; based on your initial question and the combination of the last four cards, it's highly likely that he's not interested in you and just enjoys the attention and power trip he's getting out of keeping you guessing and wrapped around his finger by dangling a nebulous '...maybe...' in front of you any time he thinks you might be getting fed up enough to move on to someone else.

The Queen of Wands, following that, is more a reminder to not forget that there is no reason you can't go and meet someone new, remind yourself that you have a lot to offer the right person and to not continue wasting your time on someone who has made it clear that they are not the right person.

The Page of Cups jumps off of that more with a reminder that, if you aren't willing to take a chance and put yourself out there by way of being honest and direct about your feelings and what you want you can't expect to get much in return. Sitting around and waiting for prince charming to find you only works in fairy tales.

Four of Cups doubles up with those two to remind you that you're likely caught up in a fantasy of what you imagined a relationship with this disinterested person could be like if only they'd agree to it but, really, do you want to get into a relationship where you have to jump and beg for scraps of attention?

If you do, I'd suggest therapy to figure out why you'd be okay with being treated that poorly by someone who is supposed to love you. That’s not sarcasm, if you mistake being treated poorly for affection or flirting, please seek out a professional to help you untangle why that is then work on mitigating it so you don’t end up falling prey to people like this repeatedly.

It's also a warning to not be so hung up on someone who has very little interest in you in terms of a relationship that you potentially miss out on someone who is interested because you were too busy pining for someone who simply doesn't care about you the way you care about them. By the time you realise that, it may well be too late as the other person will likely have moved on.

Which is exactly what you should do: Move on.

If he changes his mind, keep in mind that it isn't you he misses, it's the attention you were giving him.

If it were you, he'd have made an effort to keep you in his life before you walked out of it.

[lucyklopek]

Chapters: 16/16 Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Past Derek Hale/Paige - Relationship, past Kate Argent/Derek Hale - Relationship, Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, past Stiles Stilinski/Malia Tate - Relationship Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, The Sheriff, Paige, Scott McCall, Kira Yukimura, Lydia Martin, Jackson Whittemore Additional Tags: sterek, Derek goes to therapy, Triggers, lots of triggers, mental health, Pack Bonding, Jealous Stiles, Stiles and his love/hate relationship with his phone, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disregards Season 4, Therapy, Fluff, Angst, Humor, Eventual Smut, Awesome Sheriff Stilinski, Monster of the Week, Getting Together, Miscommunication, Friendship, Panic Attacks, Derek Has Feelings, Derek Uses His Words, POV Alternating, Mutual Pining, Derek Feels, Stiles Feels, Stiles Has Nightmares, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Abuse of italics, Deputy Derek Hale, Rimming, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Wolf Derek, Personal Growth, TW: mention of infant death Summary:

Or otherwise known as "Derek Goes to the Doctor," wherein Derek gets the therapy he so desperately needs and gets healthy. The clearer his head gets, the more room it seems to have for Stiles.

This was the first fic I read from them, and honestly, it was cathartic, and just the balm I needed to soothe through my own issues at the time.

She took this character that I felt so strongly about, and put them through the road to recovery, and it is done in such a beautiful and cleansing way. I am always hooked from the very first chapter, and this story is no exception, because she sets up the very first therapy session to depict how horrifying that very first step is so vividly. My descriptions never do her writing justice, but I wanted to share a couple of their stories, because they deserve all the praise. 

Excerpt: 

So, why are you here?" she tacks on conversationally.

He hadn't considered explaining it, really.

He sort of hoped she'd just look at him and instinctively know everything and then give him a shot or some sage advice and he'd be on his merry way.

He thinks about saying, 'I'm an Omega and I was never meant to be alone, but it's becoming apparent to me that I'm not supposed to have anyone in my life either,' or 'Peter makes me feel like I go about everything wrong and I'm scared I don't know between right and wrong.'

He thinks about saying, 'I'm twenty-five and my life is a shit show that is taking the form of a never-ending downward spiral,' or 'A bunch of teenagers have been joking about me needing therapy and I don't know where to draw the line.' He considers telling her, 'I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy and I'm terrified that this only gets harder,' or 'Everything I touch is destroyed and I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore,' or 'Love scares me, I can't have any joy without guilt and I hate myself.'

He thinks, 'I have nightmares before I even fall asleep,' and 'I'm passively suicidal, I feel exhausting anxiety more often than not, I have flash-backs and tremors.' He thinks he might tell her, 'My fourteen year old self would be so disappointed to see what I've become,' or 'I am always letting myself down and allowing the people that trust me to be hurt.' He contemplates telling her, 'I don't know.'

[ambitionsource]

also 001 zc im springing it all on u

spring it all on me baybee. i’m ready. i’m thrivin

Zay & Charlie

When I started shipping it if I did: oh if i were a viewer, i think i’d be sniffing out this storyline EARLY. literally from the moment charlie leaps up to volunteer to tutor him in 103 and then is all “you’re so unapologetically yourself” with all that Awe i’d be like... mhm. okay. mhm ok mhm mhm mhm right mhm....... although i think i would be skeptical. i would be kinda like (as i think some of you were) are they actually going to go through with this...... are they playing me 4 a fool.... but then when you watch 112 after so much build and theres the RUNNING ACROSS THE CITY TO GET TO THE AUDITION AND AINT NOOOO AWWWYWYWYWYWYAAYWAAYYYYY AND THE LOUVRE KISS LIKE WAHAHAHWAHWAHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH -- yeah i’d be in it from there. you don’t see it coming going INTO the first season, but to be honest zc kind of Owned the first season in the later half there. they were subtle in some ways but then they really just brought the mf PUNCH

My thoughts: so. clearly. i love them. fdkjshgkjsg i think i have a lot of fondness for them because they really organically blossomed in the first season in a way i wasn’t expecting. as y’all know, we broke the story for the second season first and then backtracked to s1, and i will be candid... charlie was like... not a person when we first outlined s2 JFGDSKLGKDFGKLFDH. he was in a relationship with zay, and it was supposed to be this big surprise going into the second season, but otherwise we really didn’t like... know what to do with him or honestly had THOUGHT about it. but then as we started working on s1, he just kind of... emerged, as well as their storyline of barely acquaintances to friends to unexpected lovers. and i really really love what they grew to be. they’ve been one of the best parts of writing the show tbh and i have so much fun writing their scenes, even when they’re challenging (cough 208 cough, one of the most difficult scenes i’ve ever written in anything ever)

What makes me happy about them: i love how they see the other person for who they actually are, how they can cut through the bullshit and see the other for how they wish they could be seen (charlie seeing zay as more than the popular “cool” kid that he has to put on as a sort of defense to survive at aaa, and zay seeing charlie for who he actually is beneath all of the facades he’s created to please the rest of the world) and how that allows them the courage to try and actually BE those things. like. charlie may not have ever gotten to a point of really considering accepting his own sexuality if it weren’t for zay, i think -- especially since zay then gave him this incredibly SAFE space to figure it out AND loved him at the same time. i love how they demonstrate such a Balance for one another (there’s that key word again!), like how in s1 a core part of their friendship is the fact that charlie seems to be the only person zay really has who cares about all the things he cares about but also isn’t... a crazy monster the way everyone at aaa is fDJSKFLDG. and zay brings balance to charlie in showing him its okay to have fun, to be imperfect, to throw a swear word around or not give a damn sometimes or do things just because he wants to. and that’s important! that’s major! and then i just love love love how they’re playful with one another but it comes from this very sincere fond place. their dynamic would not be what it is without their sort of teasing nature, but it NEVER feels like it’s coming from a place of animosity, it’s always this affectionate kind of banter. i’m really picky about how teasing translates into romance, and i think the way they make it work is a fave thing about them for me. i’m forgetting like 4324325 things i wanna say here but i love them MUCHO

What makes me sad about them: so. hm. yeah. you know how there are those otp ask games or gif memes and there’s always that category that’s like “it’s right, just not right now” ships? i have always disliked that category bc i think people constantly misinterpret it (or its just a poor label to apply to a ship lmao), but i think they are actually a perfect example of what i think that label is supposed to represent. charlie and zay are 100% right, but not right now. they can’t be right when charlie is still trying to figure out so much of his sexuality and his sense of acceptance, because no matter how much they love each other it’s just not fair to zay to have all these conditions on their relationship. like, it’s great that he likes him enough to be okay with it, but it shouldn’t be that way in a truly healthy situation. yknow? and when the rules keep changing or grow to be confusing (i.e. how charlie seemed to be improving in 207 but then backslid majorly in 208), you end up with like... well, miscommunications like 208. and those can be brutal.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again, i’m just projecting based on my experience in fandom and observing fandom, but here are a handful of things i think would be common in zc fic that would drive me up the wall. 1) babying and/or pandering charlie to the point that he’s just like... this uwu baby gay that completely strips him of his complexity, surprisingly sharp sarcasm, all his uneven edges and quirks, etc. 2) fetishizing of them both or more specifically, racism surrounding the portrayal of zay 3) a complete bashing of charlie’s faith, as that goes against how he’s written + his arc as a character [ like if you gotta work thru ur own grievances with organized religion then by all means, but it would probably bother me bc of his characterization and im literally not even religious lmao ] 4) banter that crosses the line and goes into that territory of lowkey bullying or tasteless that is a squick for me

Things I look for in fanfic: so of course, characterization that allows for the complexity of both of their characters would be A1 from day one as usual. would always love something that highlights the dance thing since that is... so important to their relationship in the show lmao. people who could capture their delicate balance of banter would be whew!!!! also random but i thought about it earlier today -- when winter olympics rolls around again, who is gonna write the ice skating au? it’s only a step or two away from dance y’all, let’s SEE IT!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: zay would make the best of any relationship he gets into, but he and riley could be cute as i have mentioned before (altho i naturally prefer them as best friends, but they would treat each other the way they deserve which is important). there’s a character coming in s4 who i actually really enjoy with zay, but that’s a spoiler and neither here nor there... as for charlie, i again will make my vague comment about appreciating lucas x charlie... and that’s all i can say on that.............

My happily ever after for them: god i just. i want them to be happy and in love. and i mean that in that they’re happy with themselves, so they can be happy with one another. like, TRULY happy without all these conditions or strings attached. and to be able to be happy together IN PUBLIC. literally can you imagine. CAN YOU IMAGINE??

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: hmmmmmm again, i think it would vary. but i think my inclination is that typically zay is the big spoon, although i will say i think charlie is overall more cuddly (not that you’d ever assume so in public bc he’s so repressed DSJKFJDSKLGFDLKG)

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: i assume we wanna discuss the ones... that aren’t dance DJSKLFJDKGJFDLKJGKDJHLKDH. aside from the obvious, i really do think zay and charlie like to go out and explore together and just like... share experiences. like going to art museums is a big one, and seeing live performances. art is something that really connects them and i don’t think that can be understated, and one of their favorite things is experiencing art together and then getting the other to talk about their opinions on it. i also do think that while zay isn’t big on literature, he can be swayed if charlie reads to him. art completely aside, i think they like to go to the grand central market and browse / try new things. they also like window shopping, but that’s kind of funny bc their styles are so different so they’ll be like ooh and the other will be like rly. FDNSJKFDJSLGJDSG. omg they should have a day where they just get to dress the other person up all day in different stores... THERES a fun activity... zay is dressed head to toe in GAP and he’s like please set me on fire fJDSKFJDSKLGJKDLFG

send some winter hiatus asks !! or try this one

[virgosaturn]

Jupiter in Synastry

House overlays

Jupiter in the 1st: the Jupiter person feeds the ego of the first house person. They make them feel proud of their own existence and easily boost their confidence. Around the Jupiter person, the house person simply feels better. More optimistic. The Jupiter person enjoys boosting their partner up, as that is one of Jupiter’s goals. They also genuinely enjoy the House person for not only how they come off in situations, but how they face the world, project themselves, and perhaps look as well. Emphasis on the outside could be apparent here. The couple may focus too much on appearances and the House person in general.

Jupiter in 2nd: $$$$ together. Expansion planet in money house. The Jupiter person could help the house person in acquiring money, lending their own visions. As far as the other themes of the second house goes, Jupiter may not feel as comfortable, although I think affection can still run rather high. The house person may want to spoil the Jupiter person, be around them all the time, and be very affectionate - enjoying the Jupiter persons positive aura. However, Jupiter can feel stifled easily and may not be comfortable with lots of affection, time together, and spoiling and it may be something that needs to be worked out.

Jupiter in 3rd: communicating about EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. topics after topics. expansive, flowing ideas between two people. neither knew they could talk this much, but then again no ones ever stimulated their mind in that certain way. Jupiter loves how the house person communicates and eats up every conversation, finally feeling like they found someone to keep up with them. the house person loves the stimulation too and feels similarly about having someone on their same level, energy, and style.

Jupiter in 4th: if have a family together, likely to be a big family. Can’t stop reproducing to the point the Jupiter person may prefer the House person to be impregnated if the house person is female and capable of pregnancy. Jovious home life together. They could be at work all day and as long as they get to come home to each other, their spirits are brought back up and they feel rejuvenated. the house person will never be bored living with the Jupiter person or if they are parents together. the type of parents to bring their kids into an ever expanding love circle, where they always try to brighten their children’s days and boost their self esteem.

Jupiter in the 5th: enjoy each other immediately. Like from the first date they felt like they had had some of the most fun they could’ve had with someone! Jupiter can keep up with the House person, whether this is through reading all the same comic books as them as quickly as them or going to as many parties as them. They expand to meet the interests of the House person or they could’ve easily already been really into what the House person loves. A probably very well liked couple that loves being in social groups and showing how full of light and fun their relationship is. A lot of fun sex, not necessarily super deep though. There can be a lot of glossing over with this overlay, where serious issues aren’t talking through, or anything serious for that matter. Be careful to not just have a superficial relationship simply because you are both entertained.

Jupiter in the 6th: Jupiter may help the House person with their day to day work: chores, job, what have you, which the house person really appreciates. The Jupiter person will enjoy hearing about the house persos day to day activities more than anyone else! They will help lift their spirits if they have a bad day at the office or wherever. They will help the House person let loose more and have fun and possibly neglect their daily work a bit, which may be ok as long as it’s not in excess. The house person probably needed to be less tense about their work and the Jupiter person helps them w that! However, the house person can feel like the Jupiter person doesn’t take enough seriously and causes them to miss important things they need to be doing. The two will have to work on balancing work and play and attitudes about both.

Jupiter in the 7th: Love is like a daydream with this person. They both feel like they’re walking on the funnest cloud they’ve ever been on! It’s a constant excitement in every area of the relationship that both people were looking for! They may bicker from time to time, but they have a blast together doing practically anything. The Jupiter person boosts the house persons ego and may make them feel as if theyve found their match. The house person probably also boosts the Jupiter persons ego and the Jupiter person loves that. They are super silly together. Again may be a tendency to gloss over serious matters and miscommunication can occur because they are focused on the fun exclusively. remember there is a lot more to a healthy relationship than fun.

Jupiter in 8th: this is definitely not somewhere Jupiter is comfortable, but depending on the Jupiter persons chart, they may just survive in this intense house. Sex is allllll the time and very very satisfactory for both parties. However Jupiter can feel overweighted and suffocated in the house of darkness and intensity and passion. The house person may attempt to bring the Jupiter person into the darker parts of their world and the Jupiter person may not run with it like they hoped they would. This can lead to a feeling of shame, which again the Jupiter won’t know how to deal with. Jupiter is expansive though, and will not naturally judge the House person, they will just take some time to warm up to the themes of the house. And then they’ll have some more sex.

Jupiter in 9th: this is where Jupiter is the most comfortable and thus the two individuals with this overlay will feel very comfortable in their union. Talking about all their philosophical and spiritual dreams! Expanding together via traveling far and wide! Trying new things - food, cities, continents. They love different cultures and make excellent travel buddies. The Jupiter person probably greatly admires the knowledge the house person has and are probably strongly attracted to them for that specific reason. They grow well together mentally and otherwise. Very few riffs because they have such a similarity.

Jupiter in 10th: another place where Jupiter can really help the House person with their work! Mostly in the way of image and networking here. The Jupiter person brings luck to the House persons occupation and image. They make them look better immediately which the house person with be ever grateful for. The Jupiter person can feel stifled here though. They don’t care as much about image and career as their counterpart and may feel a bit used. The house person will fight for them to stay and may have to give up something they cared a lot about in the area of career and image.

Jupiter in 11th: electric friendship that can lead to romance! They have a spark where they have a great back and forth and bring out each other’s wit. They challenge each other’s ideas while reinforcing others. A good balance of a lot in common and a lot of differences to keep both parties that love stimulation interested. They both may feel a superiority to others once they get together and may because of this spend a great deal of time together, feeling they finally found someone original and cool. Will always be great friends first and foremost. May fight for very liberal causes together.

Jupiter in 12th: Jupiter gets complicated here. The Jupiter person is expanding in the house of their partners subconscious. That’s tricky. There’s a push and pull coloring this relationship. However, they may really appreciate each other when they get to see each other for who they really are (especially if they’re really seeing the House person!). The Jupiter person may help them come out of their shell and actually speak up about their dreams and hidden idiosyncrasies and the things they are afraid of because Jupiter comes without much judgment! They think everyone has something to offer that’s interesting and unique and that will warm the house person up quite a bit! They can feel they can tell the Jupiter person more than they can tell most or anyone. There can be a lot of affection and attraction that other people may not understand or the two people involved. A lot of illusions could arise.

[nightfayre]

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one. 

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.  

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life. 

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions. 

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning. 

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head. 

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background. 

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws. 

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled. 

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again. 

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing. 

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)

[salt-hag]

kdrama ratings by someone who started watching them in 2018 pt. 2

pt. 1 here

ok buddies i’m sharing the good word about kdramas. here are my hot reviews of kdramas i’ve watched or half watched since my last post. these are rated based off of my enjoyment, because art is a lie and who knows what is actually quality.

currently watching as of June 2019

absolute boyfriend

this drama is like “what if we made i am not a robot again but less charming and with less plot and the robot is a guy this time. oh! let’s cast an extremely cute and talented actor to be the robot. it doesn’t matter how little plot there is, the fools will watch for the cute robot boy regardless” and they wERE RIGHT. i have three other thoughts on this show: 

the second lead can suck my dick. they tried to make him understandable/sympathetic but if you ignore your girlfriend that much after 7 years you deserve to have an adorable robot sweep her off her feet, ok. like, eom da da was lonely and isolated within this secret relationship ok. he isn’t worth the emotional labor anymore. no number of happy flashbacks will convince me otherwise.

as of writing this post, this show JUST delivered a very dramatic kiss in the rain scene. i LIVE and rate my enjoyment of dramas by dramatic running and kisses in rain. this can be checked off the list.

the plot literally happens because of a kdrama oops-i-stumbled-and-accidentally-fell-on-your-face kiss. and listen. it’s a human/robot romance and a fluffy one at that, which means leaving some of your ethics and higher critical thinking at the door. this drama was like “do you want some weird romantic fluff, frustrating characters, and robot jokes in these trying times” and i say “thank you for saving my life”

8.5/10 (as of ep 20)

the crowned clown

i started watching this because the absolute boyfriend people were right and i am a total sucker for the robot actor. this drama has that actor as the main character, and he lindsey lohan parent traps it up but prince and the pauper style. this historical drama is one of the darker kdramas i’ve watched... like, people die and other bad stuff just keeps happening and anyone might die like some game of thrones bs. but the robot actor is a ray of sunshine and the female lead/zombie from a korean odyssey thinks so too, so what’s not to love (while being extremely stressed out)? 9/10 (as of ep 5)

my strange hero

i started watching this because the actor who plays the hot TA in my ID is gangnam beauty AND the hot bodyguard in moonlight drawn by clouds is in this. he is the villain. i am deeply disappointed in him. the rest of the drama is good, too, i guess. funny. but will i ever get over this betrayal? can i handle the journey one good hot TA/hot bodyguard takes into creepdom? 8.5 or 9/10 (as of ep 12)

oh my venus 

i have one episode left. and honestly.... i like the two main characters fine but this is a romantic comedy (i think? or just a romance?). a famous dude/doctor/trainer/heir to a corporation or whatever it’s called helps a woman who has been dumped by her long term boyfriend lose weight and get healthy (it’s not as fatphobic as i was worried it would be). they fall in love. it’s sweet. but this didn’t leave a big impression on me either way. now that everything plotwise has been mostly resolved, i’m not motivated to watch the last episode to see the final stabilized fluff which... probably says a lot. this is a show for you if you like watching people exercise and have romantic/sexual tension. 7/10, enjoyed but not attached

boys over flowers

in a world. where early 2000s fashion plagues the land. one woman wants to watch bb!Lee Min Ho be cute. but can she survive against the onslaught of miscommunication, the absolutely wILD meanness of secondary characters, and bad haircuts? only time will tell. ?/10 (as of ep 17)

completed 

my love from another star

I don’t remember a lot from this drama. There’s some not-totally-explained reincarnation, which is a kdrama trope I love. There are some funny college feels because the alien dude is a professor and it’s relevant for a hot second. the female lead’s actress is the same as the female lead in the legend of the blue sea, and i would let her walk on me. the alien dude’s powers are the coolest, he is ridiculously overpowered and can STOP TIME??, i love it. both of the main characters apartments were cool??? i want them to adopt me, this is literally all i remember but i think i loved it? *squints* so 9/10.

a korean odyssey

another main gal who can see ghosts, this. is. my. jam.

ok but in all seriousness, this drama feels epic. there’s some twilight bullshit where the male lead wants to eat the female lead, at first, because y’know monster reasons. but don’t worry, they get that straightened out pretty quickly. there’s like a literal plot device that makes the male lead love the female lead, they both know it’s because of the device, both FEEL for each other anyway, there’s sweet, sweet angst *chef’s kiss*

anyway, so ghost-seeing gal and monster guy have to save the world with a band of misfit supernatural characters and i wish *clenches fist* so much that there was the found family trope in this. there kinda is, it was so close, but it got interrupted by the amount the monster characters want to/threaten to eat and kill the main human gal (also like twilight)

(this is kind of... a better, more epic korean twilight you guys)

8.5/10 (would’ve been a 9 or 10 but the last ep SUCKS. was it worth it, getting there? yeah i guess whatever. i’m writing fanfiction in my head to fix that ending)

the legend of the blue sea

*pounding fists on the table* MER MAID MER MAID MER MAID.

ok but in all seriousness, this drama made me: 1. get the cheapest viki account pass just to finish watching this and 2. realize lee min ho exists, who is one beautiful man. both of the main actors are Amazing and adorable in their own ways. i love mermaids, i love little mermaid retellings, i love how kdrama retellings or fantasy stories are kind of self-aware. in absolute robot, the robot’s favorite story is “the happy prince” by oscar wilde. in goblin the great and lonely god, the main female leads reads a story about goblins. in this drama, they read the little mermaid and are like “the fuck? that’s not us, right?” (it kinda is though). there’s some angst with memories and healing and whatever, but overall, this is Fluff Station, all aboard Having Our Hearts Filled to the Brim with Warm Heterosexual Emotions. this is the supernatural romance kdrama of my heart. 10/10

touch your heart

sunny and the grim reaper from goblin the great and lonely god are living another life: an actress and lawyer in domestic bliss. they’re just two adorable awkward beans being kind and loving to each other (after a VERY BRIEF rocky introduction/meeting). that’s it. that’s the show. plot? we don’t need a plot. i’ve never been happier. 10/10

my ID is gangnam beauty

ok OK ok i admit. i started watching this to be a shit. i thought that the kdrama about plastic surgery was going to be funny and cringey. i was going to watch this ironically. but this drama hit me over my pretentious-irony-head with some female characters who were sick and tired of being mistreated. some misogynistic jerks get told off! there’s important discussions of the pressure women are put through to look a certain way! the main character has almost crippling insecurity and it doesn’t go away after her surgery! it was a little painful to watch but i appreciated it. an idol star who plays an awkward bean is there to awkwardly stare at and (kind of coldly at first) encourage the main character and they (awkwardly, did i mention awkwardly?) fall in love. but he’s adorable. but i really kept up with this drama (and rewatched parts of it) because the hot TA is the hot bodyguard from moonlight drawn by clouds. 8/10

moonlight drawn by clouds

baby’s first historical kdrama. a girl is disguised as a boy, and she is *handwaved* into being eunuch at the king’s palace. she escapes notice/the actual eunuch procedure *plot handwave* because reasons. she starts a friendship with the adorable prince and his hot bodyguard. she falls in love with the adorable prince. the adorable prince has a bi crisis a la mulan, but then it’s revealed, oh phew, the cute eunuch is a girl. there’s some rebellion stuff and court politics and intrigue, but eh, that’s just background noise. 8/10

uncompleted

let’s eat 2

i literally have 2 episodes left??? but i watched this in a rush five months ago on netflix and haven’t gotten around to finishing this. there’s lots of close ups and loving descriptions of food and i feel like i learned so much. and got really hungry. but the plot is.... there i guess. will i ever finish this? do i care? i came here for the food love, do i want to see this wrapped up? 7/10 

man to man

like let’s eat 2, i watched this on netflix and i have 2 episodes left but... i don’t know anymore. i will say, i vividly remember the first few episodes. spies! explosions! action! a female lead who doesn’t seem to take any shit! and then idk, two episodes left and i’m feeling lukewarm about it. huh. 7.5/10

next on my list to watch/try

healer

suspicious partner

queen for seven days

he is psychometric

while you were sleeping

witch’s love

bring it on, ghost

[bigmoodword]

11/11/11 Tag

tagged by @silver-wields-a-pen -- thanks a bunch! this was so thought-provoking.

1. Who is your favourite oc? 

probably a toss-up between the two oldest:

a werewolf who hides his cold-burning hate behind a sweet smile and endless offers to make bitchin’ cups of tea/coffee/poison/cocoa

an immortal with unhealthy escapist tendencies, livin’ that long life as if EXTRA is their personal motto

at this point, they’ve run through several names each. here’s hoping i finally set 'em in stone sooner rather than later.

2. What themes do you struggle writing? 

healthy, established romance. i can do flirtation and doomed relationships, but actually solid relationships are a whole different beast. it’s kind of funny, because although there are plenty of problems to work through even in the best relationship, i have a tendency to tidy them with too nice a bow. lucky me, that’s my life experience, but it doesn’t make for the most engaging story.

3. What’s been the best thing about writing your wip?

striking creative oil. it’s wonderful to be so enamored with an idea that all my doubts dissipate and the words just... flow. it’s a feeling i remember from childhood, and it’s a relief to know it can still strike.

4. What themes has your favourite story included? 

survivor’s guilt. betrayal. missed opportunities. miscommunication. learning to let go. learning how to love oneself. abuse. wearing a mask. class struggles. systemic oppression. the importance of hope--whatever that ultimately means for you.

honestly, these tend to pop up in all my stories to varying degrees.

5. What time of day do you prefer writing?

i tend to switch between the night owl and early bird approaches. the former pops up when i’m on a serious roll, the latter when i’ve hit a rhythm of jotting down a few hundred words over coffee.

6. What’s your favourite relationship trope to write? 

a very specific kind of unrequited love. like the two are this 👌 close to actually coming together--they’d honestly be pretty great!--except they fail to communicate mutual interest so each assumes the other isn’t. or maybe they’re too preoccupied with their own issues to have a good relationship, so temptations aside, one or both decide it’s better to pass. it’s the idea of “maybe in another life” or “if only we’d met x years ago or y years from now.” can’t get enough of it!

7. What detail about your ocs has surprised you? 

they’re all so messed up. i mean. granted, most of them are born by taking a personality flaw (whether my own or one i struggle to understand) to a certain extreme, but even those that start on an even keel inevitably hit a significant low point. i think it’s an extension of the idea “everybody’s got something” but i hope someday i can manage to have a character that’s both interesting and well-adjusted throughout.

8. Thoughts on including romance in other genres? 

i’m ace, so romance often misses the mark for me. the fact my favorite romantic trope is two people not ending up together probably says a lot on its own. more specifically, unless the romance really adds to the wider story, i prefer it in the background. i think of certain characters flirting and growing closer as sprinkles atop the main plot’s cupcake.

9. Favourite writing snack? 

coffee! i don’t tend to snack much in general, especially not when writing, but i’m always game to break out the bean juice.

10. Favourite villain trope? 

the anti-villain. as a huge “fan” of gray morality, i guess that’s pretty darn predictable. while obviously i’m not here to root for villains, i like to understand them. i think it’s important to recognize how an otherwise good person becomes villainous, and i also have a certain affection for reformed villains. j/s

11. Best scene you’ve written? 

oooo. that’s a good one. i’m not comfortable calling anything my “best” scene, but i tend to favor those where major plot points finally intersect. here’s one i still quite like--

background: urban fantasy, slayer organization, investigation into a recently caught perp

trigger warning: implied sexual abuse

Sven didn’t bother returning Nina’s call until he was in the werewolf’s ritzy apartment, and when she picked up, she immediately reported how the guy had copped to lying throughout his first interview.

As he examined the titles in the bookcases, Sven figured that meant his perp was smart enough to recognize a boon. The asshole who’d put him in a wheelchair had also thrown him a softball cover story, and if he played along, his pack wouldn’t get hurt. Lucky puppy.

Yet Nina remained skeptical. She specified how Nate—that beacon of truth—had caught the werewolf talking on the sly about a little friend. He wouldn’t just make that up, so of course she expected him to search high and low for any proof. Just in case.

He promised he’d do his best then sat cross-legged before the shelves. He put the phone on speaker, set it on a dizzyingly ornate rug, and began pulling books out. One by one, he’d flip robotically through the pages, looking for anything of note.

Meanwhile, Nina’s voice lost its authoritarian edge, “What was up before?”

“Nothing important. Just a guy. Lonely. Works at the hotel.” Having said the words, he tried not to picture her growing smirk. “One thing led to another and…”

“Good for you.” A pause. “Hey. Hey, Sven. Was he cute?”

“Quite.”

“'Quite.’” He could hear her rolling her eyes. “And? Did you, well, have a good time?”

“Debatably.”

“Huh.” Nina thought aloud, “See, you were awfully mad at me when I called you before. That would imply that you were, in fact, having a good time. Otherwise, you would’ve appreciated the excuse, right? Right. But you didn’t. Since we’re talking about you, that means something.”

He snorted.

“Really! It does, and I hope you didn’t just run this poor guy off, you know? You should try meeting up again. Do a little wine and dine. Something nice. Classy. You have that red sweater that looks nice; you should wear that.”

Sven looked down at said sweater. “… Right. Well, I gave him my number, so we’ll—”

“Damn, Sven! He must’ve been really cute!”

He remembered Drake’s anxious wiggling and cracked a smile. “Yeah, he was pretty damn cute.”

Bit by bit, he shared details, and Nina nearly blew out his phone’s speaker with a squeal. She insisted others would give up their firstborn for the kind of porno romance he apparently lived, and her office chair creaked as she huffed a triumphant sigh. She was so animated about the whole thing, as if it’d happened to her instead of him, and however briefly, he thought maybe he felt a fluttering of that same enthusiasm. He wanted to, anyway. 

Even after hanging up, something twisted in his gut every time he thought about Drake calling or, hell, simply sending a three-letter text. But realistically, that was as likely to be dread as giddiness.

With pen and pad, Sven made notes about bookmarked passages as well as the odd comment in the margins, then restored each book to its original slot. Likewise, he compiled the contents of drawers, filing cabinets, and closets. He’d come prepared to scrub the evidence, but apparently, the evidence already suggested the werewolf lived alone. 

There were no articles of clothing that deviated from the rest of his wardrobe. The master bath featured a single toothbrush, and the kitchen just enough rotting food to feed a particularly voracious adult male. He couldn’t even find a hair that wasn’t deep brown and short.

He bagged a phone and tablet for further examination, then muttered to himself about how he really should’ve done at least that much beforehand. That is, the first time he visited the apartment, but no. He’d made his catch, handed the perp off, and disappeared for a long run in the Boston fog like a coward.

To be fair, the place still gave him the creeps. It bothered him that the overturned furniture, smashed vase, and cracked mirror were all exactly where he’d left them. There were blood stains too. Deep brown and foul.

In a small safe, he found jewelry, yellowed woodcuts, and a first edition copy of Leaves of Grass. Extraordinary, sure. Cataloged, absolutely. Yet, save for the werewolf’s budding psych profile, such finds were also woefully meaningless.

He moved on to the lockbox dug out from under the king-sized bed. As with the safe, he was able to pop it open without too much difficulty, but unlike the safe, its contents raised eyebrows. 

Polaroids. Hundreds of them aggressively rubber-banded into tidy stacks, all meticulously sorted. He held his breath as he unwrapped the first only to exhale a bitter “of course” at the revealed photos.

The shots lacked faces. Just bodies. All slender. All male. All dubiously legal. Twisted. Bound. Violated. Every single one manipulated with an escalating ingenuity. Clearly, the werewolf considered it an art-form. 

After that first stack, Sven quickly flipped through the others. He was convinced the whole stash was worthless. None of the subjects had tattoos, piercings, or any significant scarring. No one depicted could be reasonably identified. He was wasting his time.

But he had to make sure, and the deeper he waded, the more his shoulders tensed, the more he felt walls close in. He caught himself listening for heavy footsteps outside the door.

Childish. At its heart, it was all so childish. 

And pointless.

Then he found a stack with a face. He found Drake.

My questions

1. Who was your first OC? 2. What was the first story you ever wrote? 3. What book (or other piece of media) has most inspired you? 4. How do you fight writer’s block? 5. What is your favorite genre to write in and why? 6. How would you describe your writing style? 7. In general, do you think you’d get along with your protagonists? 8. What do you love most about your WIPs? 9. What is your favorite character trope? 10. What is your least favorite character trope? 11. What’s an upcoming scene you’re excited to write? Tagging: @mvcreates ; @whataremetaphor ; @phloxxiing ; @gaytivity ; @jessica-shouldbewriting ; @oyef ; @blurrywhitelies ; @savannahscripts ; @imaghostwriter ; @quilloftheclouds ; @maabon