#that's why it's one of my favorites alongside the one where he doesn't use his powers

[fluffydice]

Guy with Generalized Anxiety Disorder be like

[velvetydream]

꒰ :🥀 [ Like a deer in headlight ] ”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯

Summary : After finding out that Alastor indeed had ears atop his head, it was now time for round two of your game - his deer tail.

Pairing : Alastor x Reader

Word count : 3313 Words

Genre : Fluff, Suggestive(?)

Warnings ➵ Possessive and out of character Alastor,

he accidentally hurts and scares Reader

a/n : Continuation of my Alastor x Reader story, > Deer in headlight < , got asked for this by a few people, so here ya'll go! Hope it's as good as the first one!♡

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It had been a week since you had discovered Alastor's ears and he had let you touch them for the first time. Sneaking on him a few times to caress or play with them, maybe even a little tug or kiss to them when none of the others were looking. The relationship between you two also changed to something different, you couldn't exactly put a name to it, but it was more than friends, but definitely less than lovers. It confused you. Alastor confused you. Once he is nice to you, cooks you dinner, and lets you play with his ears while he writes a new script, the next time he rather distances himself from you, makes jokes here and there as if he himself didn't know what to do nor how to act.

The others also had picked up on the change between you two, Angel was teasing you about it a lot, Husker just warned you to be careful, Niffty was herself like always and Charlie was super happy about how close you two seemed to have gotten now.

So now to your new mission at hand, round two of your self-proclaimed game. Figure out if Alastor has a tail and if yes, get around to touch it! But this time it seemed to be harder than before, Alastor had his guard up a lot around you now, even when he let you play with his ears. Every time your hand wanders away from his ears down to try and peak under his coat, his hand either guides yours back up to his head or he entirely gets up and leaves, making sure you cannot find out if he has a fluffy little tail.

So now you were sitting at the bar, head resting on the counter as Husker slid your favorite drink over to you. "No look yet huh sweets? Was surprised you even got around to touching his ears without injuries." Angel now sat down beside you, softly patting your back as you let out a tired groan. "I just don't get it! I mean he saw that in the it wasn't that bad when I touched his ears! So why is it so bad now if I figure out if he has a tail too!" Pouting, you sit up a bit now taking a sip from your glass. "Maybe he doesn't have one, none of us ever saw one at least. Or maybe if he has one it's a different feeling for him than his ears?" Husker was cleaning a glass now as he spoke to you. Maybe he was right but.. you really wanted to know if he had a cute matching tail. Eyes going around the foyer now as you notice Alastor making his way up the stairs.

"Al! Wait up!" Jumping down from the barstool to follow him up the stairs, he waited for you on the stairs before walking up beside you. Eyes glancing over to him, he looked calm as always, his signature smile adorning his face, staff clutched in one hand as he walked alongside you. "How can I help you today dear?" Looking over at him now, you simply followed him to where he was going. "Are you doing a broadcast today? May I listen again?" Raising an eyebrow slightly Alastor looks over to you, nodding in agreement as he leads you to his radio tower. Over the last week, you had listened to his broadcast live two times already, which made you happy that he allowed you to join him. Opening the door for you, you enter first as you immediately take a seat at the table, Alastor had put up a second chair for you. Still, you noticed how his eyes had a glimmer of suspicion at how you suddenly wanted to listen in today.

Waiting for him to start the broadcast, your head was leaning on your hand as you watched Alastor with a smile. Suddenly an idea came into your head, trying to suppress the grin that was threatening to grow on your face. Alastor was focused on his broadcast, talking about something you weren't even listening to anymore. Reaching your hand over now, your fingertips softly graze his ears, as Alastor lets out a surprised yet quiet yelp, before turning his head to you with a warning glare. Returning his gaze with a smirk now, as you stand up from your seat and slowly walk over to him, he was glaring at you now. You were so close to fucking up, but this was a chance. Reaching your hand out to the back of his coat to pull it up. Quickly the > On Air < sign switched up, as Alastor grabbed your wrist in a rather right grip. Turning his head to you now, his antlers had grown in size, a red X on his forehead, and eyes turned to dials. You definitely fucked up now.

"D̷̢͙̟̼̘̊̒̑͑͝ë̸͇͍͓̲͇͂̾̓͝a̴͙̻̞̫̞̾̑̈́͑̕r̸̖͎̼̳͍̀̉̌̉̒ ̶̜͉̦͔̒̋̌̒̕ͅw̵̛̲̭̰̼͒̑̎͝ͅh̴͚̮̬̜̔̉͗̀̅ͅa̴̭͖͍̩̣͐̀̇͂̿ţ̷̛̪̣̥͓̓̆̕͠ ̴̢͓͓͙̯̂̀͋̀͘w̵̘̣̫͚͛̋͛̊͠ͅë̴̢̡̛̥̦͇́̄̉̈ř̶͓̜̗̻̓̊̐͘ͅẽ̷̮̻͈͕͎̓̌͐̈ ̵̠̝̫̺̲̑́̍̈́̈́ÿ̴̳̩͍͎̙́̌́̿̈́o̶̰̭͎͈̣̅͛͑̌͘u̶̢̝̥̞̪͋́̒̎͝r̶ ̵͕͉̫̻̤̎̐̋̾͘į̴͕͈̮̅̎̈́̀̌ͅn̸̠̳̮̤̻͆͛̔̎͋t̸̖̻̲̘̭̐̎̂̏̕e̵̞͎͎̭̗̓̍̓̉̈́n̶̬͈͎̤͉̈́̈́̈́̇̾ţ̶̱͓̥̲̅̔͋̀̚i̶̡̲͕̤̩̒̏͐̈́͝ǒ̷̗̰̯̩̻́̔̄́n̸̡̧̞̩̥̔͆̎͆̅s̵̪̣̱͔̎͒́̽͠ͅ ̷̝͍͈̥͌͂̿̏͘ͅr̶̹͚̦͉̞̈́̈́͂̋̀i̶̡̨̛͉͇͇̾͐͊̍g̸̨̛͉͎̰̖͋̒͒̓h̴̜̫͕̪͊͊̈́͝͠ͅt̷͉̳̩̰̜͗̈́̓̽̒ ̴̨̬̱̰̠̒͂̍́̏n̸̬͍̬̣̗̿̃̅́͑ǫ̸̠̰̈̊͌͗̚͜͜w̴̧̜̺̖̓́̎͗͆ͅ?̴̠̖̯̤͚̓̀̎̂͆"

Gulping once, you try to pull your arm back from his grip, which just makes him tighten it. Hissing lowly, you squeeze your eyes shut, it was slowly stinging a bit from how tight his grip was. "Al.. You're hurting me!" Alastor finally turned back to himself, letting go of your red wrist now, a print of his fingers visible as you cradled your hand against your chest. "I'm going to leave for now.." Head down as you hurriedly leave the room, closing the door behind you as you dart for your room, ignoring Angel's calls who just walked past you. Throwing yourself on your bed now, you looked at your wrist scared now. He had never used his demon form for you, there was no way of denying that he had scared you. Closing your eyes to push away the tears that were slowly building up in your eyes, as your consciousness drifts away.

"Dear, wake up." A hand on your shoulder was softly shaking you awake, lifting your head to take in your surroundings before meeting Alastor's eyes. Sitting up quickly, you scoot a bit away from him as you watch him with wide eyes. "Alastor..! What are you doing in my room?" Watching him now, as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, making sure to not make you any more uncomfortable by getting too close to you. "I'm sorry about back there, I lost it a bit, I shouldn't have." Despite smiling, you noticed that Alastor was genuinely apologizing to you. "I'm sorry, I crossed a line there, I used your trust in me listening to your broadcast live, I'm truly sorry." Laying your hand near his own carefully, letting him decide if he wants to be touched right now. Looking down, he softly takes your hand, as he presses a kiss against the red fingerprints he had left behind. His eyes were closed right now as his lips linger a second longer than they usually do. "I'll make it up to you, I promise." Raising to his feet now, he gave you a soft smile, before leaving you stunned in your room.

Laying back down against your pillows, your gaze was on the ceiling as your cheeks became a soft shade of red. What was he thinking? Turning onto your side now as you hug your pillow against your chest, looking to where Alastor sat just a few minutes prior.

The next day arrives, as you make your way down the stairs to the others. Charlie was right now explaining something to Angel and Husker, hyper as always. Vaggie was simply sitting on one of the couches with a book right now, while Alastor was nowhere to be seen. "Hey Vaggie, have you seen Alastor?" Leaning over the back of the couch now so the girl could see you as she looks over to you. "He went out rather early today, saying something about Overlords meeting and visiting a friend in Cannibal Town." Raising your eyebrows slightly at that, friend in Cannibal Town? Definitely Rosie. He probably decided to tag along with her a bit after the meeting, as she was also an Overlord. Thanking Vaggie, you go over to the other three to let Vaggie read her book in peace.

"Okay and then when Heaven agrees we could- Oh good morning!" Waving to you immediately now as Charlie noticed you coming over. Greeting them all with a smile and good morning now before Charlie starts to ramble on about her plans. It was nice seeing such a hyper and happy girl in hell, it was definitely a change to how people normally were down here.

"By the way sweets, would you mind tagging along to the city today? I wanted to go visit some clothing stores you would definitely like!" Angel laid his hand on your shoulder now as he asked you, before even thinking you agreed. It had been a while since you had last been to the part of Pentagram City where all the clothing stores were located. Besides Alastor isn't here today to try any of your attempts to see his tail nor to play with his ears. After quickly getting changed, Angel led you to the stores he was talking about. And he sure was right, you found so many good clothes to your liking in many different styles. One thing hell didn't lack was good fashion, probably thanks to Velvette from the Vees.

Leaving the store now with a lot of bags in hand, Angel decided to pull you to his favorite > cheap yet delicious < restaurant as he called it. While looking around a bit, you couldn't help but notice a certain red-haired demon walking down the streets, alongside Rosie, as their arms were hooked together, laughing. You knew they were simply good old friends, yet you couldn't do anything about this weird feeling bubbling up in your stomach. Reaching your hand out, you softly tug on Angel's shirt, head hung low. "What's it, sweets? Ya suddenly don't seem so good." His hand softly raised your chin now to look at you, noticing your pained expression. "Are ya hurt?" Taking a good look at you to make sure you weren't visibly hurt anywhere. Raising your head again, your eyes on the two other demons, Angel's eyes follow yours before letting out a sight.

"I know they're only friends but.. I feel weird seeing them I don't even know why myself!" The bag you were holding dropped to the ground, before hiding your face in your hands. "Sweets, if you ask me that sounds as if ya're jealous.." Angel's hand softly patting your head now as you raise your head, eyes meeting his. "But.. That would mean.. And he would never reciprocate.." Tears were building up in your eyes, before you knew it Angel pulled you into a comforting hug, softly patting your head. "It's going to be okay sweets." Staying there for a good minute or two, before you calmed down again. What you didn't see was a certain dial eyes watching you, as Angel had his arms around you and your body against his chest.

Deciding to head back to the hotel for now, Angel said he would take you to the restaurant another time. Back at the hotel you for now decided to head back to your room for a little rest. The shopping bag is thrown onto a chair before flopping down on your bed. A sigh leaves your lips. The last few days really weren't the best for you and were slowly wearing you down.

"Say dear, I thought we had a deal of you not touching others~" A radio static voice suddenly sounded through your room, sitting up you looked around frantically, eyes stopping on a dark corner of your room. Red eyes watching you, a shadow figure beside them grinning at you. Before you could know it, your body was pressed to the bed with Alastor on top of you. "W-What do you mean!? Angel was simply comforting me! Besides you were also all over Rosie!" Thrashing around now, as you try to push Alastor off of you, but he was simply too strong for you. "Oh, so you're jealous sweetheart? Was that payback then?" Alastor head was lowered as he whispered those words into your ear making your eyes grow wide. "He was comforting me because I was crying! Which I by the way was because of you!" Staring into your eyes now, Alastor was at a loss for words. You were crying? Because of him on top of that? Before he knew it, he watched your eyes fill with tears again daring to flow over. Now he had fucked up this time.. Again.

"D-Don't cry! Dearest I'm sorry." Scooting off of you now, he sits beside you not really knowing what to do, he never had to deal with someone besides Niffty crying. And Charlie, but that was a different story. Your hands rubbing over your eyes now, trying to get rid of the tears. Before you knew it, the culprit of your tears grabbed your hand, leading it to his head. Alastor wasn't great with words to comfort you, but this was his way of trying to comfort you after screwing up, which you deeply appreciated. Looking up at him now, eyes red from crying, as your hand starts to softly rub over his ears. "I meet up with Rosie to ask her for advice on what to get you as an apology for last time." Pulling out a little box from his coat now, he hands it to you. Sitting up, you take the red box from his hands, opening it slowly. Inside was a gold necklace with a red pendant in a tear shape. "It's beautiful.." You were at a loss for words right now, you didn't think he would get you something like this as an apology. "Let me put it on you dearest, turn around." Moving yourself now that your back is to him, you softly move any hair out of the way so he can put the necklace around your neck. Hand reaching down as you take the pendant between your fingers. "Thank-" Your words were interrupted by a soft kiss being pressed to your neck, but as you turned around, Alastor was gone, and only caught a glimpse of his shadow disappearing. Hand reaching to the place you had felt him kiss. Did you only imagine that? No, he definitely kissed your neck.

The next day you wanted to ask Alastor about it, but he was nowhere to be seen, as if he was avoiding you, which made you a little bit sad. Did he regret it?

Till now you also were not able to accomplish your victory in this little game. Making yourself question if you were ever going to figure out if he had a little deer tail. Turning around now, you caught a glimpse of red hair disappearing, making you dart right after him. So he truly was avoiding you! Before he could close his door, you put your foot between the door and the doorframe. "Open the door, I won't go away!" It took almost a whole minute for him to open the door, entering the room, the door is closed behind you. Crossing your arms in front of your chest now, you turn around to face Alastor now. "Are you avoiding me?" Static radio error. "Of course not dear! Why should I?" He was obviously more than nervous to be talking to you right now. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because since yesterday you've been running away from me and not shown your face once?" Looking at him skeptically now, he tried to look composed as always with his smile, but you noticed how his smile was slightly strained and his hand clenched just a bit tighter around his staff. "If this is about the kiss and you regret it just say it please, I won't be mad at you." Your eyes were avoiding his now. Oh if only you knew it was the complete opposite.

"Listen dear, it's not that.. It's.. How do I say, rather the opposite? I have been feeling rather drawn to you, wanting to get closer but.. I don't quite know how to handle these emotions." For once Alastor looked nervous, something you had never truly seen on him, he seemed so unsure. Holding out your hand, waiting for him to perhaps take it, which he did. Eyes locked on your hands, as he was softly playing with your fingers, slowly linking them together. "Listen it's okay, take as much time as you need to figure this out okay?" A soft smile was on your lips now, trying to reassure and calm him, but it had quite the opposite effect on him.

"May I kiss you?" Blurting those words out without even thinking about it, both of you were staring at each other with blown eyes now. You question yourself if you heard correctly and Alastor questions his sanity by asking you this, was he completely going crazy now? "If you want to, I allow you to do anything you want, I trust you." Now this surprised him, he indeed wanted to try this but.. he had never kissed anyone before. Not while alive, and certainly not while dead. Slowly his hand lays on your cheek as he pulls you closer to him, angling your head so you are looking at him. Your hands softly grab onto the front of his coat, eyes closed to give him full control. Alastor could either take his time or pull away entirely, it was all up to him, you let him go at his own pace.

And before he knew it, he was leaning down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. It felt different than he had imagined, it felt warm and comforting. It was a simple soft peck, nothing too spectacular, but for both of you, it was something special. When he pulled away again and you looked up into his eyes, you noticed movement behind him, your eyes lowering and noticing something moving under the backside of his coat. Eyes glancing with interest now, Alastor's eyes following yours to what you were looking at, a sigh leaving his lips. Before you knew it, Alastor was shrugging his coat off, his shadow hanging it somewhere in the room. And there it was, a fluffy deer tail, that was right now softly swishing from side to side, it was adorable. Alastor was a sight right now. His ears were pointed towards you, a blush over the bridge of his nose while his tail swished from side to side.

Reaching out your hand to touch his tail with sparking eyes, his hand stops yours as he watches you. "Once. It's different than my ears, one pat and that's it darling." Nodding in agreement, he turns around a bit as your hand softly pats over his tail once. It was soft just like his ears. Looking up with a smile now, his head was turned to the front, but his ears were turned to your direction, which looked super adorable. "Well since I was only allowed to pet your tail once, I would like to pat your ears again!" Smiling up at him innocently now, he exactly knew how this would end.

And he was correct, he was now lying on his bed with you, his head on your stomach as you were contentedly playing with his ears. Even though it would probably take a while till both of you knew how to call this relationship, you were more than happy that your one hand was busy patting his ears, and the other one was softly held by the red-haired man. You could get used to this.

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Taglist :

@mysticwitchcraftco @biromanticboba @yellowelectroslime

[kazuhaiku]

habits they get from dating you

summary: wind breaker's characters habits when dating you.

warnings: gn!reader, fluff, sakura, suo, umemiya, kaji togame x reader (separate), nicknames

notes: IM FINALLY BACK !!! my suo fic is still ongoing so take this little headcanon drabble :)

sakura

always looking out for you in crowds, making sure that you're okay and not encountering any problematic people

during festivals, your favorite time of the year, makochi becomes incredibly crowded. all the stores are open to sell their items, making sure to catch the attention of people coming from out of town and from in the town. whenever you join the festival, sakura makes sure to come with you, holding your hand tightly to make sure you don't get lost.

he's always afraid someone is going to make a ruckus during these festivals, as this is sometimes the best time of the year for gangs to roam the city and cause trouble. if you are to get lost, sakura will panic, looking left and right to find where you are (he'd always find you in one of the game stalls, trying your best to win an item).

this goes the same to situations even without a festival. crowded malls, food courts, parks, etc. sakura will look out for you no matter what.

allowing you to take food from his plate and eats slower to match your pace

sakura is known to be a big food lover (he especially loves the omelette rice kotoha makes). however, when he started dating you, sakura always allows you to take a few bites out of his plate even if you have your own food right in front of you.

another thing is, usually sakura will always finish his meals in three minutes max. however, when you go out with him, sakura will always slow down to make sure you don't rush eating. he doesn't want you to choke on your food, knowing that if he finishes his meal before you, you will most definitely rush and inevitably choke.

suo

calling you different nicknames, such as 'darling' 'sweetheart' 'baby' 'love'

suo is a gentleman, we all know that. adding on to that, he loves calling you nicknames. it doesn't matter if you're out in public or in the privacy of your own home, suo will call you endearing nicknames.

"darling, the cups you use aren't in that drawer, it's on the other one."

or

"baby do you want to eat something? i'll go buy them for you and you can wait for me here."

it's honestly really cute the way he says it in his soft-spoken tone.

leaving you small notes when he leaves for school

since you two go to different schools, suo has made it his mission to write little notes for you when you wake up. different schools mean different schedule, so there are moments when you wake up with suo still next to you asleep or an empty bed.

his notes will always consist of little reminders such as 'don't forget to eat your breakfast ^_^' or 'have a great day at school, my love. i'll see you when i finish school'

umemiya

naming the prettiest plant he has after you

it might seem silly, but to umemiya, naming a plant after you is the number one (well, two) best thing in the world. since he cares so much about his plants and you, he decided why not name a plant after you?

it doesn't even have to be a pretty flower or anything. he'd name a chili pepper after you. he'd bring it over to you one day and go "look! this is y/n the chili pepper!" with a big smile on his face. of course, you can't help but smile seeing him all happy.

makes sure to keep you safe under any circumstances

knowing that umemiya has a lot of enemies, his number one priority is to protect you. he is the strongest in furin, that's a given, but if he has to come out in the front lines to fight alongside the other students of furin, he will send someone to protect you, someone who he trusts will do their job correctly.

it can be kotoha, tsubakino, or even sakura. as long as there is someone there to protect you, umemiya will feel more relieved when he's in the front lines.

kaji

lending his headphones to you

kaji treasures his headphones as if it's his son. he doesn't really like the idea of someone else using his headphones, however, the first time you ask to borrow his headphones, he lent it to you almost immediately.

even his vice captains stare in shock at the action unfolding in front of their eyes.

"what the fuck just happened?"

"did kaji just..?"

kaji scowls at them both as you happily busy yourself with connecting the headphones to your phone.

bringing extra lollipops with him to share with you

kaji has always bring a lot of lollipops in his pockets/bags in case he finishes his lollipop (more like biting it out of anger). he starts bringing extra just in case you want some.

"kaji do you-"

he hands you a lollipop before letting you finish your sentence.

"thank you, ren." you give him a smile.

togame

lending you his sunglasses

the infamous yellow sunglasses togame wears can suddenly be seen worn on you. the other shishitoren members can't comment on that though. he loves seeing you use his sunglasses because it makes him feel all fuzzy inside.

it's like basically screaming "i'm togame's partner!" to the whole world because who else is allowed to use his stuff like that?

"you look really good with my sunglasses, sweetheart."

"you say that all the time, jo."

"i know."

saying "i love you" almost every single time

he loves showing his affection for you. he'll quite literally say "i love you" during random moments.

that includes: finishing a meeting from shishitoren, waking up next to you, on a date, showering together, and many more.

he thinks it's cute how flustered and shocked you will be when he says it.

"i love you."

"jo we're literally queuing up to order food."

[feefivefoe]

I guess I'm unintentionally working my way up the age ladder, so Jason next-

This is the first part that contains backstory stuff I gave my reader, so unfortunately this is where a lot of the "they can be anyone" immersion dies, sorry y'all.

Genuinely, he thought he might hate you at first. Even at the preteen age of 12, where children were usually trying to start striving to independence, you had been so...bland.

It's not that you didn't stand out. Quite the contrary. Anywhere Alfred could be found, you were just a step or two behind him. A leech. Only ever speaking in a hushed voice, making the old man strain himself to hear you, surely.

He doesn't think you've ever even looked him in the eye.

It isn't until that summer he starts connecting the dots. You still cling to long sleeved shirts, pants over shorts, even when it's clear you're struggling to not overheat.

Then he catches you in the kitchen in the middle of the night, t-shirt and pajama shorts.

Burn marks, healed yet gruesome, decorate your arms and legs. Based on how they're positioned, he'd argue they probably exist on the rest of your body, too.

And yet, despite his invasion of what you clearly(?) wanted kept hidden, you merely bow your head in shame and offer a meek apology.

That's when he stops seeing you as a problem, but as a victim of consequence.

Not a bratty child who doesn't care enough about the lower class to speak to your new 'sibling,' but a lonely child who had never even once considered he might want to speak to you.

"Mister Wayne and Mister Grayson are very busy." You had said once, matter of factly rather than bitter or sad. "I'm sure they'd spend time with me if they weren't. But they have two lives, so they have less time than anybody."

He doesn't have the heart to tell you that they make time for him. And the rest of Gotham.

As you do with Alfred, you begin to shadow him. Meandering behind him without a care as to what his plans are, happy to receive the barest of acknowledgments.

You hesitate when speaking about yourself, as though taking up his time with mentions of you is an issue. He's starting to understand why.

Jason isn't sure if it's pity or growing affection that keeps him around, at first. For a while, he sees you as more of a sad, wet dog than as his family.

But you begin to connect with peers at school, finding validation outside of those that feel forced to give it to you. You mature, grow up more than you should, and realize the reality of your home life.

And Jason is thrilled! ...and...a little sad? He's happy for you, sure. Having friends is probably what you needed. People who want you around, genuinely. Who choose to make time for you.

But he'd be lying if he said that the way you used to stare at him didn't make him feel like a hero. Like he was doing so much, changing your world, simply by existing.

You still speak, of course. You're friendly siblings that get along well. You give him various foods you've tried making, courtesy of Alfred inspiring a desire to learn to cook and bake on your own. You talk about books you've read together, and listen intently while he rambles about his favorites.

You even peek in after particularly rough patrol nights, just to make sure he's gotten through it okay.

But it isn't...quite the same. No, but it's...it's for the best.

And he is still a hero! As Robin, he's protecting the whole city alongside Batman!

So he's still a hero.

He's still your hero.

"Jay? I was wondering if I could ask you for some help. The show my club is doing is one of those old books you like-"

"They aren't that old."

"-and my character doesn't show up much in the movie-"

"You watched the MOVIE before reading the book!?"

"-so I wanted to ask if you'd help me with characterization!"

He remembers groaning at you and rolling his eyes. "I'm busy tonight. Go watch the dumb, BAD, movie again." He pauses. "Uh, but I can tomorrow. I'll make sure I don't have anything planned, promise."

He saw you pause, and sees the constant same promises pass through you.

"I...have other arrangements. I'll make it up to you next time."

"Ah...sorry, kiddo! Big kid stuff. But next time! You trust your big bro, yeah?"

But this is Jason. Jason doesn't lie to you.

Jason keeps his promises.

You smiled. "Yeah. Tomorrow."

...

Then he died.

[lazycats-stuff]

Hiiii! I was wondering if u could do an male reader x batfam, where the reader is deaf and has to use sign language? P.s I love Ur work

Of course I can. Thank you for loving my work. Also, a heads up, I'm not deaf nor do I know anyone who is deaf and I have done my research on this. So, if there are some inaccuracies, I would like to say sorry in advance and if something is off, please bring it to my attention so I can correct it. And yes, it's a bit short, but I think I might be getting a writer's block... I hope not, but I think I might.😭

Summary: (Y/N) is deaf.

Warnings: none, a quick mention of death

Being deaf is not that easy. (Y/N) was deaf from birth and had learned ASL to communicate with others. It wasn't easy, but he managed. When his mom passed away and we went to his father Bruce to live with, all the boys had to learn ASL. Before, they used yes or no question that were either on their phones or pads of paper.

Of course, that doesn't manage when a deaf person is living with them full time. Alfred already knew ASL, having it learned when (Y/N) was born. Bruce as well. Both Bruce and Alfred knew it fluently and had fun communicating with their son and grandson. Not to mention, Bruce supported anything that had to do with deafness. And he was even the advocator for the deaf community in Gotham.

The boys?

Well... It was a tad more difficult. Jason and Dick had a bit of difficulty learning, but they were trying. Although still relying on pieces of paper and something similar until they learn the ASL. They know that (Y/N) can read lips so that it something that they also use to their advantage. Also, they listened to (Y/N)'s preferences in communication.

(Y/N) informed them that it would be nice of them to focus on his face, to not turn their heads away because he needs to focus on their lips, as much as signing too. Jason and Dick understood, more so when they understood how much he needed to focus on communication, despite not hearing.

And more importantly, patience. Jason and Dick understood that hearing is something that a lot of people, them included, take for granted.

And I can hear you asking about Tim and Damian.

Tim had no problem learning ASL, in fact, it was a lot of fun for Tim. He, alongside Bruce and Alfred, was the most fluent. It was fun figuring out how to let (Y/N) know when he is coming into his room. They decided on the approach of opening the door just enough so he could flick the lights on and off quickly, just so let him know he is entering.

They saw that from a father on YouTube who has a deaf daughter. And everyone has implemented that if they are entering (Y/N)'s room. A nice alternative to knocking was the general consensus when it came to the matter.

Damian, on the other hand, couldn't really bother to learn it because he thought that (Y/N) was defective, not really valuable to the family. So, he wasn't very well liked in the family at first. The family had a simple rule.

Don't insult (Y/N) and don't mess with him. Sure, fights are normal with siblings, every single family in the world has those fights. Whoever has siblings can atest to that.

But insults about (Y/N) are unacceptable. And sure, that looks like favoritism, but everyone had a soft spot for (Y/N). That's why. And besides, does anyone want to insult a deaf person?

Without a reason, a good one as well, majority would say no.

But back to Damian.

His mindset was, if you are weak, you are not useful for the family. Bruce and the others tried to erase that mindset out of Damian. And Damian himself wasn't that rude to (Y/N), simply ignoring him. (Y/N) couldn't understand why, but the rest told him about Damian's mindset and what happened to him.

(Y/N) understood from then on and tried to not take it to heart.

And Damian was slowly but surely changing. He got all the rules regarding (Y/N) and started following them. And, he slowly started learning ASL. Damian, found this to be a bit difficult, since he never had to use his hands to communicate, but he actually enjoyed it.

And it gave him a perfect excuse to bond with (Y/N), practicing his ASL. And his understanding of it in general. (Y/N) knew that Damian was trying, giving him an effort and (Y/N)'s heart was happy to see his brother trying and not being... Cold.

(Y/N) was very happy.

It was one lazy morning, lazy Saturday more specifically, for everyone. Everyone slowly migrated to the kitchen to get some coffee and food from Alfred. Everyone was down expect for (Y/N), who now slowly woke up due to the sun light in the room, coming from a window above his bed and on the opposite wall.

He made his way down slowly, attracting attention from everyone, who signed good morning to him. (Y/N) signed back as well, sitting down onto his spot, Alfred giving him some coffee and some food to eat.

" How is everyone? " (Y/N) signed, looking at the reactions and signing from everyone.

The answers were varied.

From ' I'm great, you? ' to ' I want more rest, but my body can't take anymore.'

(Y/N) smiled, happy to know that he couldn't fall asleep as well. For some reason, it was difficult to fall asleep last night. He didn't know why, he just couldn't fall asleep.

(Y/N) nodded as he dug into his meal, the usual bowl of something light that Alfred whipped up in the morning. (Y/N) always preferred something more lighter in the morning. Nothing really greasy and heavy.

" What are the plans for today? " (Y/N) signed and everyone stopped to think, making sure to be in (Y/N)'s line of sight.

" I'm just going to be in my study, I have something to finish up in regards to the Wayne Enterprises. " Bruce signed and (Y/N) nodded, turning to look at others, sipping his coffee.

" I'm going to train. " Damian signed back.

" I'm going out with some friends, " Dick signed and then turned to Jason.

" I'm going to be doing spring cleaning of my weapons. " Jason signed back to (Y/N).

" And I'm simply going to be in my room. We can hang out later if you want. " Tim signed with a big smile on his face and (Y/N) smiled back. The two didn't really hangout much recently. And this Saturday is going to be the perfect day to do it.

[okwonyo]

keepsake from my loved one.

ᙏ̤̫ ⠀엔하이픈 ♡ female reader & fluff established relationship + cw. not-proofread 0.9k ｜ ( bookshelf )

heeseung

after you gave him your favorite hair tie, for him to keep as you where outside and suddenly wanted your hair down— you completely forgot to take it back and, ever since then, he keeps it around his wrist preciously. offering it to you whenever you need it and walking around with it has a proof that he has a beautiful girlfriend.

has a bottle of your parfum in his apartment bathrooms, he doesn't use it or anything; just leave it here and whenever his eyes land on it, when he finds his whole body shaking because of how much he misses you— as pathetic as it may seem —he smells it quickly, just to smell your scent again (he also giggles after doing so).

jongseong

loves how his music became yours, and yours became yours; therefore, despite making loads of playlists together and making tons of playlists about you and the love he will forever have for you— he also listens to your own playlists a lot, doesn't matter if they are not about him because what he wants to hear is what you like. he thinks your favorite songs describe you so well, that is why it became his as-well.

extremely caring about what you like—has a notebook devoted to your favorite dishes and their receipts. he often finds himself reading a page of it and cooking it when you are not around. he eats it, quietly enjoying the fact that it's oddly reminds him of you.

jaeyun

saves all the videos you send to him; the ones where you are talking about your day— because he prefer videos to audios—, the one where you just stand here and smile at the camera with the wind making your hair cover your face when you are outside, the one you take of random puppies and cats you see outside alongside with random places you want to go to with him. just to watch them afterwards.

sleeps with his arms wrapped around his pillow; mimicking the way he sleeps when you are there— it's as if it was a curse and a blessing at the same time, ever since he started to sleep with you in his arms he sleeps better and cannot fall into the depths of sleep without you with him.

sunghoon

with his cute little camera and ethereal smile, he takes polaroid pictures of you whenever you go on a date. dear god, it's not necessarily only when you go on a date but most-likely at any chance he gets. loves this type of camera because he can have the picture right away, soon enough to sneak it in his phone case.

renews his set of matching jewelry with you at every anniversary— takes weeks to find the perfect, highlight that word, set for the both of you to wear. loves to, time and time again, fidgets with the ring on his finger; he usually doesn't do it on purpose but his fingers wrap around it without him even noticing.

sunoo

every-time he comes accros something that reminds him remotely of you; he buys it. he doesn't preforcely gift it to you, he just wants to keep it with him— because, well it reminds him of the one he loves the most. often, when he cleans his room, a cheeky smile draws itself on his face when he finds the cute box with every objects he bought that he keeps next to the one with the gift he received from you.

definitely has a picture of you as his wallpaper; and, best believe it's a picture taken in zero point five— because he finds it really funny. he'd have those wallpaper in which when you tap on it another picture will appear, therefore there would be at least ten ridiculous pictures of you here..

jungwon

has that terrible habit of taking videos of you; anywhere, any time and at any circumstances. you can look away from his for a split second, focused on skipping that one song you don't really like anymore and keeping it away from your ears instead of just deleting it from your playlist. when you finally eyes draw back at him, you are hit by the vision of his phone covering his face. he is going to keep this video in his album dedicated for it, surely.

given the fact that you are at his most of time and, despite the fact that you deny it everytime he brings it up, you tend to be lightheaded and forget at least one of the things you bring for the night; he emptied one of his drawers to put them all in it. now, it's your drawer.

riki

there is time where he finds himself scrolling on his phone and miraculously landing on one of your conversations. blissful smile and faint taint of blush as he giggles over whatever you told him that one time he didn't want to study physics— his heart bounce every-time he listens one of your voice messages, especially when you haven't seen or had time to talk to each other for a long time.

back when he had a crush on you, he used to write you notes during the only class you were together. he used to make his classmates pass it to you, no matter how far away from him you were— and he was always beyond surprised when you responded. he made sure to be the last one to have it, so he could keep it in a binder. sometimes, he opens it and reads the modern form of love letters you both wrote to each other.

...

nets @k-films @kflixnet @/k-labels taglist open! @manooffline @ibsysbsfsunsbs @oldjws @lilriswife4life @alaezasmystery235 @teddywonss @tyussday @cholexc @flickqr @yuviqik @wvnrqs @strawberrywonz @y-ves @isawritesss @filmofhybe @ikeucakes @gweoriz @yunabi436 @ashtxrie @soul-is-a-strange-kid @jaelaxies @jwonsluvr @lynniebearrr-blog @bobabunhee @sunghoonsarmpit @ynsvnte @wonifullove @luvieden @shalkeren @thesunoosshining @smouches

[captain-n-crunchies]

My Zuzu!

Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Let talk about how Izuku would be the perfect boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. Like forgot Bakugo tough but soft love and Kirishima gym rat love and look at how Zuku is like total boyfriend material!

-- Izuku who when he first discovers your pretty face quickly asks you about your quirk and backstory even how you got your hero suit designed! Writing everything you say with a quickness, but he doesn't even notice himself writing notes about your appearance like how your lip pucker when in thought, your eyes simmer when you talk about your favorite thing about your hero design, and how quickly your face animates itself to a new emotion every few sentences. After meeting him he makes a huge effort to get to know you besides your quirk and heroic morals he wants to know everything about you even things about your parents (he used those facts for when you start dating)

-- Izuku after months of being your friend fighting alongside you and you tending to some of his scars he starts to have more unfriendly thoughts about, and no not any freaky stuff more of he hates how you laugh at every flirty joke Denki makes or how he love that you fuss over him and his recklessness he just eats up every new hairstyle you get, every new shoe, new dress he just hasss to complement you making you smiles at him so hard he blushes under that gaze you give him. Too bad it took practically a whole pregnancy for him to confess!

-- Izuku would when makes dates makes sure he gets everything perfect from a small date to a cafe he gets you a tiny allmight keychain as a momentum, dates at the aquarium? a jellyfish plushie is in your arms by the end of shark's exhibit, a concert for the two of you favorite band? Oh, baby got a favor from Bakugo to get you their new album. He makes sure any cuddle dates are so cozy and warm so you can't leave his arms; with pillow forts and fresh popcorn and a cute Disney movie with his strong arms around you warming you up nicely. Izuku who covers you up in his bed is you fall asleep fist and gets one of his allmight plushie and places it in your arms

-- Izuku who is always touching you doesn't matter if it's your leg on his thigh or his hand holding your pinky, he just needs to touch you if you're going to be close to him but what about far away? He has a whole keychain of allmight that everyone knows is his and he attaches it onto your bag and boom now everyone even your teachers know your " Zuzu Baby"

-- Speaking of Zuzu baby, he loves pet names and since his name Izuku has about fifty names in it you choose ' Zuzu' which when you first called him it he face reddens a bit since you always gotta call him babe or baby he naturally registers his name to be Zuzu. He's a boy who doesn't care if his friends hear you call him this name because you call him it out of love and he can't ask for more, I mean your his baby what the need to go getting mad because you didn't call him Midoriya he doesn't even call you by your real name you baby, pretty boy/girl, beautiful, pretty, anything he could think of that remind him of your called it

-- Now even though he's soft he ain't no punk he just doesn't really get bothered by mean commets anymore (he was quirkless majority of his childhood this dude got more thick skin than Bakugo) he just laughs awkwardly and when alone he talks all his shit

" And Bakugo gonna call me useless!?"

" Nooo baby why you didn't say nothing?"

" He got kidnapped and nobody wanted to save him but Kiri! I would be pissed everyday too"

" Omg! Izu stop!"

-- Like Zuzu is messy also he was a quite kid y'all so when you thought he wasn't listening HE WAS, and since your if s/o then bookie he is talking so much shit and gossip with you to the point you look at him differently like where did my softy go? He just said he would whoop Todoroki's ass if he called him a mutt

" Baby really?"

" It'll take a while but I could!"

" Shoto? The fire and ice combo package?? You could whoop his ass?"

" If I was called a mutt! He'll have two scars"

Yea... he talks too much but, he gonna back it up especially if it was about you. He cares about your mental a lot so if you ever tell him you're feeling a bit down simply because a hoe talking shit, he got 508 Instagram accounts to troll them, and you'll never know

-- Izuku who is only a boy so sometimes that cute miniskirt gets the gears in his head turning, in his room right behind the hero journal he got a little book filled with drawings of you so detailed it almost creepy, a small page of you drawn in many lewd styles. Every make out session you feel hi hand twitch trying to stop himself from touching our hips or to fondle your chest when you cuddle

-- Izuku who when the time is right will show you, he isn't just Zuzu baby all the time his mind evreytime you change clothes wondering what will happen if he takes a peek at your naked form?

-- 'That'll never happen though, Izuku is too much of a sweetheart to be a perv right?' You think looking at him scribble in his book today you're in his room studying, you ask to see his book and he blushes shaking his head and hides the page from. After a few minutes he gets up to go to the bathroom now your chance!

Getting up from your spot you take a peek at the page and it just a drawing of you listening to music from earlier with cute love notes along the side, smiling you hide the page again not looking at the page behind it with you drawn with your tits out glistening in the sun.

We love Zuzu!

[arminsumi]

it's the hair.

𝐆. 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 — 五条悟 ⋅ fem reader

NOTE: lol this is just a dum fluff drabble i wrote instead of studying

SUMMARY — your childhood friend and classmate satoru positively kills you with his new haircut. but he misunderstands your reactions and behaviors, thinking he did something wrong.

WARNINGS — lowercase used, not proofread, misunderstandings between u n gojo, angst if you squint ??

WORDCOUNT ≈ 1.3k

🍒 𝐉𝐚𝐲 — サクランボ ⋅ 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 !

you've been eyeing out gojo all day. he's not sure what to make of your expression — it's something mixed between comical worry and genuine distress.

"what? what is it?" he keeps asking you each time you give him the side eye look-over. "do i have something on my face?"

"no. it's nothing." you reply curtly.

he squints skeptically at you.

from class to class, he ponders alongside suguru. did he say something? were you mad at him? was it because he stole your soda from the vending machine yesterday? but he always does that, so why would you be mad now? maybe you were just not feeling well? did you not sleep well?

and suguru's ears flooded with all these theories.

"did i say something to y/n? she's acting strange today."

his best friend stifles a smirk. "dunno, did you?"

"i think she's mad at me. was it because i stole her soda? but y'know it's not my fault we like the same soda! and i promised to buy one for her next time!"

suguru now lowers his head into his arms, resting on the desk, trying so hard to keep his laughter in.

"maybe it's the weather — probably the flu — yeah, definitely the flu. i'll go get something for y/n at the store, d'you need anything, suguru? what! what are you laughing at!"

"nothing, nothing. i don't need anything from the store, thanks — unless maybe something spicy that catches your eye. 'better run quick, store's gonna close soon."

satoru furrows his brows in confusion, and eventually his entire expression becomes serious, like an old philosopher in deep thought about the universe. but it's not the abyssal void beyond the stratosphere that's in his thoughts, no, it's you — you're pervading his entire mind as he walks across the roads of tokyo, to the station, and boards the train.

holding onto the handles as it shudders and sways, shoulders taught as they always are when he's in thought. were you really sick? what if he did something bad? maybe it was nothing at all, and he was just overthinking it. maybe it didn't even involve him. did it have to do with suguru? or perhaps you were upset about something in the past, something irrational and long-forgotten, like the fact that he didn't attend your 7th birthday party. it's not like he had a choice, his parents barely allowed him to visit your side because they didn't want their prodigy son hanging out with...

he texts you.

satoru — are u home yet

he stares and waits for you to come online, then watches as those three dots move up and down and you start typing.

you — no why

satoru — where are u

you — bridge

satoru — what are u doing

you — lol so many questions

you — the sunset looks rlly good today i'm taking pics

satoru — wtf without me??

you — lol sorry didn't think u wanted to waste ur time watching the sunset

satoru — see u there

he's just boarding off the train, coming through its doors, when he texts you that. thank the benefit of his long legs for speeding to the store in time before it closes. he picks up your favorite.

when you see him come into view, you're waiting with your arms draped around the railing of the bridge.

"trying out for the track team?" you laugh, as he practically runs up to you. "did you run this whole way?"

he's catching his breath, clutching a plastic bag of goodies.

"are you sick?" he asks.

"what? no?"

"i thought you might have the flu." he's asking with genuine concern, it's bizarre. he usually doesn't talk like this unless he knows he's in trouble with you, or if something's really wrong.

"i'm fine." you blink, "i've just been watching the sunset. you missed the best part."

"i didn't know you enjoyed sunsets."

"why didn't you invite me!" he groans, coming over to assume an oddly attractive position by the railing. he slacks against the metal, leaning his weight on it. he lets the plastic bag with yours and suguru's favorites in it thud to the ground.

the cityscape is so pretty, and yet he's still prettier, you think.

"i don't care for them." he admits, "but of course i'll enjoy a sunset if you're watching it with me."

you look at him. he's not even facing the sunset. was something on his mind? you can hardly theorize, because you're giving him that peculiar look again.

he catches you looking at him, "what!"

"what?"

"did i do something wrong?" his breath is stable now, "are you mad at me?"

"no? why d'you think I'm mad at you?" you ask confusedly.

"because you keep lookin' at me like that!"

"like what?" you feel your cheeks warm up.

"like something about me is offensive to your eyes."

you break out laughing. "no! i'm not — it's not — you misunderstand me, like always..."

"what the hell?" he whines, "is it nothing serious? i've been worried. you've been looking at me weird since sunday and — oh... OH MY GOD."

you giggle, chin pressing on the railing. "did you just realize something?"

"is it the haircut!"

"it's the haircut."

"why do you not like it!" he fumes, that familiar satoru playfulness coming back now as he was put at ease knowing he didn't upset you. "you know it cost a lot, 'n i styled it and everything."

"i didn't say i didn't like it! it's the opposite."

"so you like it? then why do you look at me like you're having an internal crisis?"

you groan, "because you're giving me a crisis! you know i'm weak for undercuts!"

he shuts up. his heart races a bit. oh, so he misunderstood you not a little bit but entirely. oops. now why didn't he realize that his haircut would have this effect on you? when he subconsciously went to get an undercut because you mentioned you liked them in passing one school afternoon.

"oh."

"you're so dumb, satoru."

"well sorry!" he rolls his eyes.

now there's silence. he stops leaning his back against the railing and turns to face the final stages of the sunset. the streetlights come on, one is gleaming not too far from you two. it casts a dreamy light on his hair.

it really is a good cut, and it's styled in such a way that... well it gets your daydreams going, let's just say that. and here gojo was worried when he came out of the salon, thinking it was too short now. truthfully, it was a bit short compared to his other haircuts, but he wore it well. of course he did.

"so you like it?"

"i love it."

"well if you love it, then show it love." he teases.

"what on earth d'you mean?" you laugh shortly.

"fluff my hair." he says.

"no way, lice-boy."

"hey!" he pinches your cheek in retaliation, and your reaction endears him as much as it always has since you two were kids. "that was one time, i haven't ever had lice again."

he pouts. you look over. he is pouting. pouting. he's a nineteen year old boy pouting about not getting his hair fluffed by his childhood friend who he maybe sorta kinda has a crush on.

and then he encourages you. he leans his head on your shoulder. his hair tickles your cheek.

"damn. you're like an attention-starved cat." you joke.

he places your hand on his head himself. the brief warmth and glimpse at the size difference between his hand and your hand made him giddy.

you ruffle his hair lightly, and then he wears a satisfied smile. now early night has settled. it's quiet at the bridge except for the distant city sounds and lull of the highway.

"i was really worried that i did something wrong." he admits.

"i'm sorry."

he sighs, snuggling your shoulder. there's a nice silence between you and him.

then he breaks it.

"hey, i didn't say stop fluffing." his deep voice reverbs in your chest. he's playful and lively, but you can tell he's also tired from running all the way here.

"you're a menace." you tell him.

"but you like me, right?" it's more of an insecure question. he wants to hear you say it back, not as a playful joke.

"of course i do."

"good, good."

© 𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐢 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄.

[ghysry]

Don't feel compelled to write this if you don't want to!, but I think it would be pretty cool to see TUA siblings interacting with reader in the six years without powers they can be with them since the first apocalypse and they become like family, reader can be one of the other 43 children with powers! Doesn't have to be with any specific character but I will admit Five is my favorite and they did my boy wrong in season 4

*Does a soldier salute pose* Five is my favorite too. I get you, Anon.

Oneshot! Tags: Reader x Five, Reader x Five Hargreeves, Comfort/..., I'm feeling evil today...

---------------------------------------------------

"I think this is better."

There's a reason why humans are off balance when one of their senses suddenly stops working - like the blind, or the deaf. Imagine living in a world where you can't see after years of being used to it, or living in a world where all you can do is read lips instead of hearing the sound of music. We hold our senses very close to us like organs ; because they are.

Which is why it took you an embarrassingly long time to get used to the fact that you no longer had the ability to control the state of matter. You know - the basics. Gas to liquid, liquid to solid, solid to gas, human to vapor, atom to extremely dense gas. It served you the most purpose, you were deemed the most powerful out of all the siblings, well, that is to account for the fact that you were never adopted by Reginald Hargreeves.

Ah..hm, let's take a detour down memory lane for how this happened.

"Fascinating..truly fascinating. How much would you like for them?" Reginald Hargreeves peered down onto the basket containing a blanket wrapped neatly around the quiet infant, their eyes closed and their small chest rising and falling with each breath. "I'm not going to sell my child to you, you creep!" Your mother, a fighter during her first weeks with her only child, kicks Reginald Hargreeves right in his no-longer-child-giving nuts, which causes him to double down and cough much later than a normal person usually would.

Alright, now that you know how you weren't adopted, back to the present!

Nowadays you work alongside your life time partner, or should you say, husband. Both in the CIA, both crowned as the youngest officers of peace within this barely secret government. Which leads you to here - you, in your usual spot on the couch, laying down with a groan as your back hurts, and then groaning even more when this man child--your man child--flops onto you with a groan coming out of his mouth himself.

"Augh you're going to crush me!" You tilt your head back, trying to get into a comfortable position as this big cat can't help but cling tightly onto you, even going as far as grumbling out nonsense on how he's not that heavy, and you're just too weak to stand his superiority, to which you rub at his nape and feel his throat rumble with a purr.

"You are so lucky I love you. Or else I'd tease you about the whole purring thing," Though you belittle him about his weird capabilities, you keep on scratching at his nape, then behind his ear, feeling the vibration on your chest. "Shut up.." he finally answers, leaning his head into your hand, a look of satisfaction crossing his eyes when you massage his back. He's way too old for this job, and so are you.

Five wraps his arms around you, tired eyes looking into yours, and before you could laugh at his face he's already digging it into your chest, inhaling your scent and complaining about his boss (which was also your boss) being stupid because he wanted Five to work on something more significant, rather than analyzing a group of insane geeks sitting around in a cult-support system whatever the matter.

To be fair, a lot of them have a point.

Five gulps when he lifts his head back up and stares at you, into your eyes, deeper into your soul. Years and years of fighting, bickering, war, the feeling of dying and being remade, the feeling of having to fight for your life against yourself, seeing your siblings, your only family, die right in front of your eyes without being able to do anything about it..he finally achieved peace. Peace with you.

"I love-"

"Five?" Your hand comes to ruffle his hair, eyes staring at the ceiling, feeling grateful for your sentient weighted blanket. "..hm?" He responds, arms tightening around your waist to the point where you feel like you can't breathe. Chuckling at this, you close your eyes, plunging the world into a deep darkness you've seen thousands, maybe even millions of times.

it's time to wake up.

Five shoots out of his bed, cold sweat beading down his face, his head hurting like someone had narrowly missed burrowing a bullet into it, one hand clutching the blanket he lulls himself to sleep into, the other trying to clench around a hand he knows isn't there.

"Fuck." He falls back down into his bed, which spells an awful lot like marigold, hands coming up to rub at his face and wake him. The familiar venomous feeling in his chest seems to encapsulate him when he blinks, your face is there every time he moves, his heart beats of you, yet the universe doesn't even know who you are.

Oh yes. You were never supposed to be here, were you?

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello! This is my first mysme ask so I'm very nervous haha.

I wanted to jump in on the VAE talk, but it has nothing to do with Saeran! What I don't like about the VAE is...the difference in V himself.

I don't think I have a good grasp on his character. It's difficult for someone like me to want to even try to understand him after some of the things he's done! It feels as if the VAE forces us to be in a position of being forgiving and understanding of Rika and her abuse towards Saeran for him to be happy...and that's very strange to me? Because, V, in VAE works to help Saeran while simultaneously you only get the good ending with him if you're explicitly "okay with" what she did to him?

I think either version of Another Story V is a frustrating character to delve into! Its easy to look at him and think "wow he spouts off about caring about his friends and caring about saeran but when it all comes down to it, he only cares about this one person that hurt everyone else he claims to care for"

Ray AE V and VAE V are very hard to adapt to because of this, I think? :/ Character analysis for these types are not my strong suit clearly. I know there's more to V than this, but it's hard to look past his "be okay with forgiving an abuser for me to be happy with you (VAE) or be okay with me going alongside this abuser while guilt tripping you to understand her (Ray AE)" type thing.

I think I at least understand Rika as a character better than him to be quite honest.

Let me preface this by saying that V's After Ending is a mess. It's a hot mess and it does a major disservice to Jihyun Kim in more ways than one. A lot of people really don't believe this because Saeran is my favorite character, but Jihyun is my third favorite character right behind Saeyoung. His After Ending hurts in more ways than one due to what happens in terms of forgiveness and judgement.

The game forces you into a corner and shames you if you decide to judge Rika Kim for her actions. I cannot tell you how triggering the Judgement Ending is, not only for myself, but for many others who played it. I don't suggest anyone play that ending if they don't think they can stomach being told it's "their fault Rika is suffering for them not forgiving Rika."

Nope.

It's not our job or obligation to forgive Rika Kim.

If you choose to forgive her, great, but why are we, as the players, being told that the only way to achieve the Good Ending, because, let's face it, the forgiveness ending is the real GOOD ENDING, is by being told to forgive Rika no matter how you feel about it. Cannot tell you how angry I was when that happened, and I know plenty of other people were just as upset.

When the VAE first came out, I can remember people emailing Cheritz and telling them why telling people they need to forgive another person isn't okay. I can't believe that's something that's gotta be explained. But, we live in a world where people tell us we need to forgive, forget, and get over our pain, no matter how large or small very often, and people don't think about those who don't want to ever forgive the people who hurt them or the people they love.

That's the one thing I love about Saeran's After Ending. The RAE doesn't mince words with anyone about affirmed choice. You get choices in the RAE to decide what you want in terms of forgiveness, and by God, the other characters do, too. You get to decide what you want, Saeran gets to decide what he wants, and the RFA gets to pick what they want, and you know what's great?

NOBODY'S JUDGED FOR CHOOSING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. IT IS THAT EASY.

You are not being forced to forgive Rika in the RAE. I don't know where people get that thought. If anything, you get to tell her the truth of how you feel her for her multiple times, and the only time that the player is "nice" to her is near the end of the RAE where you speak to her to find out where Saeran is, and honestly, you can read into that as "I'm pretending to be nice because I need to find Saeran before he dies" or, if you decide to embrace Rika and forgive her on your own, you can do that and then find Saeran.

But, you're not being forced one way or another to forgive Rika here. But, in Jihyun's After Ending, you are baited into forgiving her to not get the ending that tells you that you're to blame for Rika suffering in the hospital for not forgiving her. That's being kicked for choosing to do what you want, and that's WRONG.

Jihyun himself confesses that he knows he's in the wrong with Rika in the RAE. He's given up on himself, though. He decides he has to keep his promise no matter what. That's the difficult part for most people to swallow.

His mentality is: "I need to save her because of my promise, but I also made a promise to Saeyoung, so I need to keep both of my promises even if that makes my a villain." This is not okay. This isn't healthy. It's not ever going to be okay and he knows it's not okay. He just... wants to be a savior even if it's self-destructive.

I don't like that Jihyun is hardly in his own After Ending. It focuses on judgement and forgiveness of Rika. I would've preferred to spend all my time focusing on Jihyun instead of playing a losing situation with the RFA. We had to face Rika no matter what because she is more or less the main reason why the game exists, but V's After Ending had no business being as focused on her as much as it was.

Because, in moments we do see with V, I enjoy those, because I see him reflecting and growing in as a person, not perfect, nobody's ever going to be perfect, but he was trying, and for someone who stopped trying a long time ago, it's hopeful to know that he's decided to try his hand at life once again without succumbing to self-destruction as we often see him do.

Jihyun Kim is a character that a lot of people have a hard time understanding, so if you feel like you haven't gotten a grasp on who he is as a person, I think that's understandable. Rika Kim is up there, too. I like to understand what brought them to the point they're at in the game, and sometimes, there are people who think that I do that to find excuses for their actions. I don't.

I don't find reasons to explain their actions because I want to excuse them. I want to understand as best as I can why they got to that point in the first place. Understanding someone doesn't mean you excuse their actions. It means you have better insight as to why they do what they do, and even then, understanding why someone got somewhere in life doesn't mean you'll understand their choices. It just means you see their explanation, their excuses, their reasoning, and knowing the in's and out doesn't mean you condone what they did.

It just means you learned who they are and how they feel. I know why Jihyun and Rika react the way they do at times, but I don't agree with it or excuse it. I get angry because I see them walking down a path of torture, hatred, and pain. I see them stand at the precipice of choice, and chose to ignore reality in favor of another route, and I get angry, and disappointed. Because, especially in the case of Jihyun, he was so close to making the right decision in Ray Route, but he decided to turn away from it.

Jihyun Kim regressed from making any personal progress because he saw Saeran and MC do what he and Rika seemingly did not. That is that, it's important to understand that V/Rika and Saeran/MC are narrative foils. If you want to see toxic, unhealthy codependency as it sinks deeper and deeper into a pit, look no further than V and Rika. If you want to see a couple who're trying to be individuals but also value communicating with their partner before they leap, that's Saeran and MC.

V and Rika make choices that feed into the worst parts of each other and they don't stop even when they know they could. Jihyun admits it himself in the RAE. He thinks that he has no choice but to keep his promise he made to Rika, even though he knew it wasn't healthy for him, or Rika, for that matter. Jihyun believes in his heart that he can't abandon Rika even if he wants to, because he hasn't overcome that grief in his heart over his mother's death.

He hurt his mother when he was a teenager, and he never had the chance to make it up to her or apologize. His mother died protecting him. She gave her life to save his. He thinks that love requires a sense of selfless sacrifice no matter what, that he needs to a Savior or even God to make up for his mother's death. He sees beauty in Rika's pain, she's his muse, and she looks upon him like a God for very long time. He relishes in that, because it helps him feel better about his trauma.

Jihyun was everything she wanted to be because she didn't want to be herself. She idolized Jihyun Kim. She was obsessed with him. It's just that her obsession was different than his. She wanted to become him, in every sense of word, so she would no longer have to Rika Kim. It's written in her diary that you can get from the Special Believer box.

Rika and V's love was built on infatuation, obsession, and the hurt two people had from their childhoods that had not yet healed. They helped each other "cope" but the way they "coped", was only further serving as a means to destroy both of them. I think the visual novel on Day 9 does a good job of having V express his clarity on this fact, and Rika's vehement denial of it, though, it's still messy since V isn't out of the thick of it.

This is just the start of his acceptance journey and he stills chooses to protect Rika after she stabs him at the end of this scene. It's not perfect, but... you can see the lightbulb going off.

Rika herself lives in denial within the confines of the game, and she can only face reality there is when the truth about Mother Choi is revealed. I don't know if people really grasp this at first without sitting down and looking at all the details, but Rika killed Mother Choi in self-defense. The scene is shown to us as Rika would've imagined it, and given that Rika thinks of herself as the devil, it's easy to think she did it without a second thought.

That scene plays out as Rika viewing herself as a devilish murderer who killed in cold blood.

But, that moment when she killed Mother Choi was the moment she gave up on trying to ever see herself as anything but the devil. Do you know what the strange thing is? I never once considered over all the years I've played this game that Jihyun was there with her that night, but he was. He confirmed he was there that night.

That means both he and Rika are bonded with the agonizing fact that Mother Choi is dead because of Rika, self defense or not, and they're the ones who likely had to get rid of her body or even tamper with the crime scene to protect the twins. Murder is a heavy act to carry and I know it's easy for us to joke about wishing harm onto others, but to be a person who has taken another person's life is... I cannot begin to imagine what that feels like.

I know some people feel guilt for the rest of their lives, even if the person they hurt was a bad person. Because, a life is a life, and even if you protect yours and the people you loved, you feel shameful for what you've done. My trying to understanding how that effected Rika is in no way condoning the creation of Mint Eye or the abuse of not only Ray and Saeran, but countless others, it's just another piece of the puzzle to understanding why Rika is the way she is.

Because, hey, cool tragic backstory, still murder!

But, knowing how that fact really bleeds into Jihyun's Savior complex gets you a much broader understanding of why he won't leave Rika in most situations even if that's the correct and right choice for not only him, or her, but quite frankly, literally everyone else.

Jihyun wanted to save his mother from death. He couldn't do that. He wanted to save her because she saved him, and he's wandering life with this idea that love is built on selfless sacrifice no matter the circumstance because he thinks that's what love is. Love is throwing your life away to protect the people you care about. Which, that's not what his mother's sacrifice was about. She died protecting him, but... she never would've wanted him to believe that love is about sacrifice.

She died protecting him of her own accord, that's correct, but that doesn't mean Jihyun has to spend the rest of his life trying to prove to himself that his mother's sacrifice was worth it by sacrificing his mind, heart, body, and soul all the time.

That's what he has to learn to heal.

I sometimes think the game isn't as heavy-handed as it could be to help people understand that this is what's going on inside his head, because a lot of this detail work comes from venturing out into every piece of media you can own from this game and really sitting down to put your head into what you're reading. 

It can be hard for people to understand him or to even want to understand because you get frustrated with his choices. After all, they are so self-destructive. Not only are they destructive to him, they end up being harmful to everyone around him, and that's not okay. Watching him is like watching somebody shoot themselves in the foot.

He doesn't always make the best decisions, and as you get to learn more about him, you realize that he knows he can do better but he doesn't do better for himself. I think that's an aspect of his character that makes him very human, but because it makes him so human, it's easy to be upset with him. You know he can do better and you want him to do better. It leads to a sense of disappointment in him.

People like him do exist, to an extreme degree and to a lesser degree, and I can relate to him in many ways which is why I think it's easier for me to empathize and relate to him as a person. But, it's because I do understand him so intimately that I get angry with him. I get so angry because I know he can do better than what he's doing, and it places a mirror in front of me when I make poor decisions.

As frustrating as he can be at times, he's helped me a lot as a person, and in some regard, I want to help people understand what he's like beyond being upset with him if anyone ever wants to learn about him in any way.

Understanding him will never mean I condone his choices. I can't believe I have to say this so many times, but if I don't reiterate this simple fact, people seem to misconstrue what I'm saying. I like to understand and learn why people do the things they do, but I am right there with everyone else here who is judging and holding them accountable for their actions. I want to have some answers, and even if having those answers doesn't explain anything, I feel better being able to have them.

You know how Saeran feels a little better once he's able to talk to his abusers? He needed to be able to hear what brought them to the point they are standing at today. He needed to know why they were the way they were so that he could learn how to forgive himself. He copied Rika, his Mother, and Saejoong specifically to make himself feel powerful in Mint Eye because that's what he was told to do, he invoked their words and actions against innocent people, believers and even the MC.

He feels better confronting them and having an explanation from their lips even if it's not an answer that explains why people would be needlessly cruel to an innocent person. He's not looking for excuses, he's not looking for them to give him some tragic backstory that makes everything okay, he's looking into their eyes and choosing kindness when they themselves never choose kindness towards him.

He is facing them so that he can face himself. 

Forgiving them is about learning how to forgive himself. It's not about making them feel better, and it's certainly not about letting them into his life. He has those conversations with them as a parting gesture. He's never going to meet with them ever again, but that was how he decided he would find peace for himself.

Would you do the same if you were in his shoes? I don't think I would, I don't think I can ever forgive the people who hurt me, no, I know I'll never forgive them, but Saeran chose what felt right for him and I will not fault him for that.

I will never shame him for choosing what felt right for his healing journey. He forgave them so he could forgive himself and I'm glad that he had the opportunity to make that choice and not a damn person told him not to do what felt right for him. I don't forgive Rika, and I don't forgive V for what happened in the RAE, but, I'm glad to know Saeran got his peace and that he won't judge me for what I feel.

Sometimes, you want an explanation, even if it only proves that those people don't have remorse for what they did. At least, for some folks, having that proof can he helpful. It helps you feel like walking away is the right choice for you and you did what felt right. If you don't want an explanation, if you don't want to hear it, don't seek one.

Walk away and find peace another way.

It's your life, choose what feels right for you and find peace your way.

Wow, I went off a little here, but... I think it's important to note that these characters are complex and it's easy to take away one thing about them when there is so much going on... especially with Jihyun who hasn't always been favored by company and ends up getting the short end of the stick even in his own route. He and Rika can be very frustrating for most players because nobody wants to deal with their back and forth.

I hope this helped give you a little more insight on him. It's always fun to talk about him, contrary to popular belief. Thank you for your question! I hope you feel comfortable asking more!

[tothefiniteyou]

Something that's been in my head a while concerning the brothers and their "roles", so to speak. This is meant to be about the original Mirage comics, but applies to 2003 and IDW as well. Potentially 2012, maybe more. I don't remember the exact issues, but this WILL contain spoilers for IDW and the original comics.

Raph is the one that takes on the responsibilities no one else does/wants to. He very often has to play the part of the bad guy because his convictions are more rebellious in comparison to what Splinter teaches them, core beliefs and rules that Leo in particular takes to heart. Raph keeps his family in line through his anger, for better and worse, being the one of tough love. In volume 1 of Mirage when they retreated from New York after Leo was almost killed, he calls his brother a coward for not "finishing the job" and goes off to face the Shredder alone. He almost got killed because of his impulsiveness, yes, but Leo's always been about saving his family. So really, he had the courage to face Shredder again because it was for someone else's sake. Their whole fight was kind of gruesome and full of harsh words, but at the end of it all, Leo thanks Raph for it. It's very interesting to me. It shows that Leo, even if he was originally mad, understands that his brother was only doing it because he was scared of his family being hurt again. He sees that it was for his own good, so he expresses gratitude.

Alongside that, I've said before that it's not that Raph wants to be the leader because of the title itself, but rather that he wants freedom, and for others to listen to him. He resents Leo for holding him back, not fully understanding his brother's reasoning. He focuses more on action and less on the consequences of said actions and choices.

In essence, Raph is often the one that has to do the dirty work. His parentification in Rise is even similar to this, having to parent his brothers and be the one to tell them "no", even when it isn't his responsibility. But if no one else is going to do it, then he has to be the bad guy, even if his brothers resent him for it. At his core, he always has his family in mind, even if the execution is flawed.

Raph being thought of as the shield has always felt right to me, as shields can still be used to hurt.

On to Leo - Leo is a very existential person, and that also makes him the most spiritual. Kind of a yin and yang ordeal, with him seeing how there's a balance to things. (I would also say that he needs to assign a purpose to everything, if only to rationalize bad things. It's sort of why he has a bit of a crisis in several iterations when Splinter isn't there to guide him). He's the most "warrior-like" because of the way he values life and honors things like bushido. He'll kill to protect, but that doesn't make him callous, just "strong" (putting this in quotes for multiple reasons). I think IDW tackled this quite lovely, especially when he goes on to have a greenhouse just full of life.

However, I can't say all of this without mentioning the fact that Splinter's teachings are often flawed. I've said before that a lot of Leo's major "arcs" and "growing up" is about becoming his own person and leader, and that's still very much true. Blind Sight is my favorite story to have come from the original comics, and I think it really puts into perspective how Leo struggles to see himself as anything but a weapon. It's that bad habit of his where he must assign purpose to everything, struggling when proven wrong or having to recontextualize things. There's so much more I want to say about him and his role, but a lot of it would be reiterating my points from this post. I struggle to call Leo the sword of the team considering his words to Mikey about how, if he were to throw his katana off the roof, would that be the same as throwing himself. But in Blind Sight, he does learn that he's more than just some sword for his father to wield, and that a sword not only hurts, but protects.

People infantilize Mikey wayyyy too much in this fandom for just being the youngest, which makes me have to pick and choose my words very carefully for fear of the wrong impression. He's definitely the goofball that tends to not take things as seriously, but I think something that The Last Ronin meant to emphasize is that his "raw talent" is from a place of love. It's not that he's not the best of them all just because he lacks focus, it's that he's never seen a reason for him to have to be a warrior like that. Surrounded by his brothers, he doesn't have to try so hard. He'll watch their backs and they'll watch his. He's got the same warrior's spirit as the others, it's just that he rejects some of those teachings in his own way? Raph is often seen as the contrast to Leo, and that's typically true, but I think Mikey can be as well... In a way, Mikey has the most ties to humanity, and that's why I think he's similar to Leo in some ways. Not to say the brothers don't have humanity, but... It's so hard to word what I mean, bear with me.

Being a better warrior kind of means losing his fun-loving and go with the flow nature. He would be less like Mikey. Not to say that being good at fighting exactly equates to being deadly, but that's always a possibility, you know? IDW Mikey is such a good balance and blend of his little shit characterization and his more empathetic side. When he's the first to leave and reject Splinter's ways in IDW, this shows what I mean with him being more strong than Leo's way of being considered strong. He might not be "the best", and he might not tap into his raw talent that several characters mention, but I don't think that's what he necessarily wants. Splinter's idea of strong isn't necessarily the best.... Hopefully this section makes sense and my point gets across that Mikey is both the heart and armor of the team.

And as for Donnie... Oh boy! He has to use a gun in the original comics and actually be the one to kill (since only Raph and Leo really did that from what I can remember), and it shakes him up SO BADLY... And volume 1 just ends with him not choosing to go back to the sewers with his brothers, but to stay on the farm with Splinter for a bit. This is quite a finishing scene after ending a whole war within the city...

Donnie doesn't love his brothers any less, it just goes to show that he's never wanted to be the one to have to kill, and maybe wasn't prepared for it. While Mikey is definitely a pacifist, you can argue that Donnie is more of one. Him wielding the bo even supports this idea, as it can still be deadly, but not as lethal as his brothers' weapons. He's a very soft-hearted person that prefers to invent and give life to machines.

I hate when people think he's any less skilled in fighting than his brothers, because that's wrong! He just doesn't like violence and, dare I say it, I don't think he ever wanted to be a warrior in the same way. His intellect is a mightier and more useful weapon to him, because he can use it to keep others safe and make machines that can do all sorts of things. He'll fight to protect, same as the others, but disarming is more of his goal in the end. This makes Donnie, at least to me, both the brains and armor for the group. He's more than that, but... something something, things falling apart when Donnie is missing in SAINW.

At the end of it all, something you have to remember about all of them is that, even when they grow older, they started out as nothing more than child soldiers cultivated for the sake of revenge. Killing was always in the books, but they all have a different role on the team, and killing wasn't meant to be Donnie's. He helps with plan-making and would probably rather be support than a tank, if that makes sense.

They're heroes but but but. They're just kids, too...........Gripping my head

[thenewrises]

a welcome home prattle from my mind

so I've been on the Welcome Home train since last year but I never delved into theories about the website. mostly I've just searched from the side, talked to friends who also enjoyed it, and watched videos on it such as Night Mind. but! with the recent updates, I have to say I have sooooo many thoughts and ideas about it. with horror being my favorite genre and loving when I have the ability to research a website full of secrets, it was only a matter of time before I dived in.

so! if you're interested, here are some thoughts I have about the update and maybe some interesting theories.

also! some of these ideas are thanks to the many theories I've read here on tumblr as well as watched when Night Mind released his vod. also including findings as well!

Welcome Home belongs to the lovely @partycoffin! if you are new to this site, please read the credits page where you can find warnings!

stick around and get comfy, this is a long one.

so there is no perfect order this will all go in, so I will label what I will discuss in bold and then go from there.

Voice Warps

something that we are not strangers to is many audio recordings and their voice warps. from the last update, anytime someone tried talking to or about Wally, their voice would contort and the tape would end. this time, we received more vocal content (shoutout to the VAs they are incredible) and there was one in particular that me and many others caught on. Wally is known not to know much about emotions or how to express them. from my knowledge after many hours perusing Clown's blog, Wally is somewhat of a blank slate. learning as the show moves.

in the audio recording "Homewarming Storybook Record", during the end of this tape in the last two or so minutes, Wally says that he's sad and doesn't know why.

starting at 18:16, after Barnaby explains why he may be sad, Wally gets... frustrated. upset. he says in a clearly perturbed voice "...how can that be?" the audio warps during this time, almost as if his entire environment around him changed just by his own emotions.

why is this? we know Wally is somewhat the center of this puppet universe, and the moment he expresses a negative emotion, it's almost like the worlds stability was tilted.

as long as he is his normal and happy self, the world seems fine and at peace. yet, the moment he expresses his despair, it's like a switch flipped. it's only when Barnaby explains what the meaning of Housewarming is, which reassures Wally, that he returns to his happy and now relieved self.

Frank and Julie (TW: Homophobia)

this will be a much more sensitive topic to discuss, and as someone who is LGBT+ myself, it is not always a fun thing to research. but, I think this plays a super important role in the overall story of Welcome Home and my theories for the future.

another new edit I discovered, as well as something I've learned reading on the site and listening to audios, is the push for Frank to play a straight role. of course, this is the 70s we're talking about. the Stonewall Riots had only just happened in 1969, and homosexuality was still noted as a mental disorder. when the DSM-I was released, homosexuality was labelled as a sociopathic disorder until 1974. the idea of an LGBT+ relationship in a children's show would be unheard of.

with us knowing Eddie and Frank are romantically involved, that makes this all the more heartbreaking to know. Frank playing off his feelings by calling Eddie "Mr. Dear." Frank playing all the straight male roles alongside Julie. Sally calling Julie and Frank's costumes "a couples costume."

I find this such an interesting thing to include because not only is it eerily accurate to the timeframe, it also makes me think.

these are puppets. fictional and unthinking puppets. costumes you could even say. a person who creates the so-called fictional world of Welcome Home can control the narrative however they please because these aren't real people! of course they can be whatever you want! so... why did they create this relationship for Eddie and Frank? could it be someone within the Playfellow studio wanted to bring more positive awareness to the topic? were the actors who voiced (in this fictional world) the characters romantically involved?

or... are these puppets alive? they have their own emotions, thoughts, opinions. we know Wally is a sentient being, I mean, he literally would talk to us through the website. he reaches out to us through links, videos, audios, and even phone calls. so, does that mean EVERYONE is sentient?

in the audio "Eddie's Big Lift Storybook Record", we even hear Frank say to Eddie, "you always did work so hard." so, did they know each other in a past life? is this representative of the real life in story (fictional) voice actors?

we'll discuss this more later.

Sally Knows Something Is Out There

this is not new, as this was from the Halloween update but I wanted to include it because I feel like it's a look into the horrors of the world.

in the audio "Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours! Storybook Record", the transcript down not catch this, but Sally goes on to explain that out in the night, something lurks and waits for prey. it crawls around at night, up walls, scratching and screeching. Sally made sure to mention to ask, "why don't we go out at night?"

with her being a star from the sky, I sometimes wonders if before coming to the neighborhood she had seen it. and if not that, she mentioned if you stay quiet and stick close to the windows you can hear it. it cannot enter homes, it eats bugs if it's starving. it seems to have eaten other "neighbors." what could "it" be? some kind of creature in the night? why is it hunting them down?

Away From Prying Eyes

from all the symbols scattered on the website and with the help of the decoder in the Merchandise tab, we end up unscrambling an address.

we discover the website https://www.awayfrompryingeyes.net/ . in this site, we get to peruse "W" and their findings. now I think I can speak for a lot of people that my initial reaction was this was Wally. of course, this was dismissed rather swiftly after realizing that 1. this person was contacted by Wally and 2. they work for the project.

one thing that caught my eye quickly was the fact that the curator of the initial website became "unwell" and no one knew why. they claimed they did not know what caused them to be so unwell, or why they "created that page."

my guess is they mean the new (or in general) Welcome Home website. the curator created the new one because of Wally's interaction with it. they are trying to keep him silent, push away any suspicion. just who might this curator be?

W explains how they became Paranoid (with a capital P) once they discovered the collection of crude drawings, texts, and videos. seems to show that they are understanding that this has gone from a simple project to a unnatural phenomena.

the phone call from Wally is him talking to You (the collective You he knows) and he seems to express loneliness. "everyone is so busy during Homewarming", and he explains how quiet it is. I think he finds You to be a way to not feel so alone, as he seems to be the only sentient puppet of the crew.

well... he used to be the only one.

Commercials For Cigarettes and Pills

in the commercials, we get an array of holiday-themed music and advertisements. of course, we'll talk about the Eddie snippets, but I found a lot of disturbance with some of these. Welcome Home is a children's show, and many of the advertisements reflect that! products like cereal, music, Wally Ball and Cup, and Mama Beagle's Barnyard Eggnog. and then it gets... odd.

adults of course can enjoy this show, but it targets a young demographic. we get a commercial for Hooplah, a cigarette brand. then a commercial for Remderem, a sleeping pill.

now, this is the 70s, so maybe this could be a poor judgement marketing goal. I would not be surprised if it was a ploy for more money, but I still just find it so interesting that a children's show would advertise these. even in the merchandise tab of the project website, there's a fake pipe that blows bubbles. it all feels highly inappropriate for a child to intake this kind of material.

well, who said Playfellow was a moral brand?

Eddie Becomes Fully Sentient

we watch in real time the moment that Eddie realizes who he is.

during the commercials video, we find Eddie Dear preparing for the holidays. he starts off with a conversation with Poppy, which moved into her saying he works too much. throughout the video, we have snippets of real-life felt puppet Eddie decorating a tree, wrapping gifts, and at one point he plays multiple solo rounds of Tik-Tac-Toe.

he is wondering why no one has come to him about delivering gifts. why has no one visited him? he gets so distressed that he even slams his felt hands on the table. why has no one come to see him?

Sally resolves this by saying they did it to give him a break (which is interesting to me seeing as she tends to not give him the time of day), and she brings him to the Homewarming party. so he's surrounded by the neighbors, and in a big chair (Wally's chair, in fact) with a single pea on a plate.

and then things get weird.

Eddie starts sweating, derealization sets in. he's shown alone, single pea on a plate in hand. Home is staring back at him, and a heartbeat can be heard along with Eddie's staggered breathing. is that Eddie's heart or... Home's?

everyone's voices are disappearing in the background, Eddie is in a panic. and then things get even weirder.

Eddie looks at his arms, and they're made of felt. he taps his fingers on the arm of chair, then grips it in fear.

then the frame switches, Sally brought Frank over (was she worried about him?) to let him know that yes, she watched Eddie in the Post Office all day. Eddie is looking at his hands and legs, which are no longer felt but illustrated again. Frank calls out for him, even by his first name, and Eddie didn't even know where he was. but finally just wanted to go home.

this was the moment, that I believe Eddie discovered that he was a puppet. and he was being watched.

I find the single pea on a plate so interesting as this is the description:

"take care not to place them too close together"

why is Eddie being singled out? he was left out of many advertisements during this update, thought everyone forgot about him, and was even left out of the Homewarming story with Wally and Barnaby. they had stated they met every neighbor, but why not Eddie?

Will Eddie Be Removed?

unfortunate news seeing as he is my favorite character in the entire story (Wally and Sally a close second). I adore him, and I want nothing more than for him to remain. but I have a bad feeling he may be our first victim. he's being isolated, becoming paranoid, showing emotions that may not be seen as "neighborly."

I don't think it's any coincidence that this was an early drawing we received:

I believe Playfellow is removing Eddie, or attempting to. but for what reason? because of him and Frank? because he's not needed? that's what I'm hoping to learn more about in the next updates. because let's be frank (ha, get it?), it's not looking good for our favorite country mailman.

Ghost Thoughts and Theories

now it's time for me to ramble and yap your ear off because WOW this update was my favorite by far. I think this will happen every update honestly, but I thought it would be hard to beat the last update. this was incredible, from the animation, to the voice acting, to the crafts it was all wonderfully well done. I want every characters special item from the Homewarming wishlist!.

but now, what do I think could be happening? I have two very shaky ideas. I say shaky because these could be proven wrong easily, but if one or both is not then I can continue to build on it.

1. These friendly fellas reflect reality

so one thing I thought of is that maybe they are somehow reflecting reality. I mentioned before that maybe Eddie and Frank are their fictional voice actors (not the actual ones here in our reality!) who may be in a secret relationship. could those actors reflect their characters? are they getting rid of Eddie to represent them being torn apart?

but, this is a very meh theory. reason being that we have seen these puppets are capable of sentience. they may have their own souls, thoughts, and feeling that don't reflect a real life alive person from the 70s. but, wouldn't that be interesting?

2. Eddie's sentience was real, and his soul is about to be ripped away

there's an ongoing theory I've always juggled with in my head, the idea that these puppets have souls and a conscience. I'm genuinely led to believe this because of Wally himself. he has connected with us directly from his world. some kind of alternate reality away from hours. haunting that show.

would that mean the puppets were all real and alive people at one point? or are they completely new people all together? whatever the case, they are alive but not all of them may be aware they are in a show.

well, now Eddie is and he's in trouble.

although we aren't sure if Home truly is the villain in the story, we know that Home knows Eddie has "woken up." and he does not seem happy about it. if these puppets are alive, I fear that Eddie may be erased if he can't keep quiet. taken from the narrative for not playing his part. all he had to do was be the happy and clumsy mailman, but he had to go fall for Frank. he went and started to get frustrated and negative. he's never supposed to be the angry type, he's off script.

disfunctional.

so what's next for him?

if you made it to the end, I'm glad I could keep you around! I think this update really gets the brain gears going, lots of questions we'll get answered in the future. this story is getting better by the day, and I'm thrilled to see everything that happens in the future. and I'll get to write more posts like this!

I found everything so endearing as I do every episode, and this will be a groovy ride.

[delinquentluvr]

Knuckle Bine, Hakoware, & The Importance of An Informative Power System.

I think a lot of people would agree with me if I said that Hunter x Hunter is a great manga. I also think a lot of people would agree if I said a large part of that is because of its stellar character writing. Togashi is really intentional with the way his characters speak, the actions they take, and how their personalities/beliefs influence the way they fight. In a manga where so much fighting is happening, it's super necessary. The decisions a character makes leading up to them throwing hands are just as important as who they're throwing hands against, why they're throwing hands, etc. Of course, these things are all portrayed through the way the main cast (Gon, Killua, and Kurapika mostly) develops their nen abilities alongside their continual character development, but my all-time favorite example of this is Knuckle Bine. He's in an arc that is perfectly set-up to portray morality through fighting, and all of his limited screen-time is used to show what he believes and why he believes it. So. Knuckle's entire character is this: He is a heart-of-gold delinquent. He comes off as a brute but is actually very kind behind that (paper thin) mask. He is driven by his emotions, but these emotions are very noble. He leads with his fists, yes, but not with anger.

Knuckle Bine (despite what everything on the surface might tell you... his intimidating looks, his insulting speech, his punch-first-think-latter attitude) is a pacifist and a good guy. He fights because he wants to understand others, and make sure no one gets judged unfairly. He’s explicitly stated his reasoning for being a beast hunter is so he can make sure that creatures that we can’t explain aren’t just destroyd because they’re “dangerous”. He wants a conversation; he wants the most peaceful solution. Hakoware is a really fucking good representation of these beliefs.

A friend of mine said that nen abilities are a manifestation of the restrictions one places on oneself, which is definitely true, but I also want to add that they're also a reflection of what you believe to be true about the world around you. Knuckle believes that everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves. Knuckle believes that fighting with another is a way to understand them. Fighting, to him, is a way to communicate. When he fights and loses to Youpi what saves him, Morel, and Meleoron is the fact that his beliefs were shown to Youpi through his determination.

The fact that Knuckle's goal is communication-- through fighting, yes, but not with the intention to kill (explicitly the exact opposite of that actually)-- is what forms the basis of Hakoware. And it's also what allows Hakoware to be so powerful. Hakoware activates when Knuckle lands a hit on his opponent, initiating his "conversation". It doesn't hurt, because Knuckle is lending his aura to his opponent. Pacifism proven upfront. Now, the opponent will accumulate a 10% "debt" based on the amount of aura Knuckle's lent, adding it every ten seconds. If the debt equals or exceeds the opponent’s total aura capacity (which will naturally go down over the fight as the opponent uses their own nen abilities), they go into "Bankruptcy" and become unable to use Nen for 30 days. Hakoware remains active until the opponent pays off the debt by attacking Knuckle with enough aura. These return punches also won't hurt Knuckle, because they're simply passing back the aura that is owed. Pretty neat, right? I'm sure you can see where I'm going. So, let's go back to the idea of nen abilities being restrictions on the self and reflections of your own worldview. Knuckle's Self-Imposed Restrictions

Hakoware only works if he's confident enough in his own ability to have a conversation. The ability wouldn't be useful if Knuckle couldn't logically think or understand his opponent during his fights.

Knuckle's Worldview

The 30-day nen lockdown is a direct representation of his character. It's an incredibly powerful ability, but it has no limits on who it can be used on in the way Kurapika's nen is. Why? Because Knuckle's conviction, his dedication to peace and understanding, is strong enough that it is baked into his ability.

Knuckle wouldn't use Hakoware on someone if it was not absolutely necessary. He wouldn't strip them of the ability to defend themselves unless the situation absolutely called for it. And even then, if he did win, we know that Knuckle is not the type of man to use that advantage to stamp his enemies down.

It's incredible that the ability can inform so much about his personality. It's incredible that his personality can make you understand the reasoning behind his ability's structure and use-cases. Good fucking manga.

[silverskye13]

Kinda a random thing that I think that I'd like to see your opinion on. In terms of the Undertale soundtrack Wels has ASGORE vibes where as Helsknight has the vibes of the kickstarter version. The offical is in a higher octave (is that the right word??) and is slightly more fast paced, where the kickerstarter is in a lower octave and is slower paced. They're so so similar yet different. Just like Wels and Helsknight.

Ahaha oh anonnnnn you can't seriously be asking me Undertale related questions for my current favorite blorbos! Haha I don't even like Undertale! And I definitely don't still actively listen to the soundtrack because that's soooooo 2015 haha. I definitely am not in danger of falling back into my brainrot for it at even the slightest provocation whatsoever. Haha. Ha. Haa..............

[I'm allowed to lie, because I am not a knight.]

ANYWAY WHAT A GREAT PICK. Asgore definitely definitely carries their musical vibes. I will say! I would probably choose a little differently.

I would probably give Helsknight Asgore, and I would give Welsknight Heartache.

[a lot a lot a lot of Undertale song rambling under the cut, including songs for the rest of the cast, because I've maybe definitely thought about this before]

So! Why Heartache & Asgore in particular: they capture the same leitmotifs, thus keeping them thematically appropriate for each other. And alongside your idea that Helsknight's song would probably be a little slower, a little more ponderous and heavy than Welsknight's song, I think Asgore and Heartache captures that feeling.

Welsknight with Heartache: Alongside sharing leitmotifs with Asgore, Heartache also has an altogether more uplifting sound. For one thing, there is a longer lead in to the real start of the song, the idea of stalling, or performing. There is a lot of upshifting chords, a lot of cymbals to punctuate the ends of refrains. There is the sense that what is being done is inherently heroic and purposeful. This also pairs pretty well with Toriel's intent with the fight, where the song comes from. She's not here to hurt you. She's here to protect you, and this is the only way she knows how. It reflects Welsknight in the story [though we haven't seen much of him yet] as someone who is performing greatness, but maybe doesn't grasp the grim realities behind picking up a sword. He's protective because a knight is supposed to be, but hasn't hit the painful wall of actually having to protect something that might be doomed, that might take effort and still be lost in the end.

Helsknight with Asgore: Asgore's theme is heavy and ponderous. There is the implication of trumpets and timpani, homage to thunderstorms and marching armies. During the leitmotif it shares with Heartache, there is a heavy beat, like marching feet. It fuels the idea of inevitability, of marching towards a horizon that is unavoidable and necessary. It echoes Asgore's character, someone forced to fight, because in his world, there is no other way. Someone will die and someone will live. This is the way of the world. But there is still heroism there, a bridge that implies a greater good is at stake, if you can only figure out how to reach it.

Tango and Tanguish: Similar to the Hels/Wels special above, I think Tango and Tanguish would also have linked songs, so I pitch "Spear of Justice" for Tango and "Battle Against a True Hero" for Tanguish. Yada yada yada leitmotifs. But! The very fun and interesting thing about the leitmotifs for Undyne's songs in Undertale, is that they also include elements of Waterfall, the song for the area she's found in. In the same way, Tango and Tanguish are our main vectors for viewing both the world, and how the helsmet/hermit relationships work. They are our inherent tie to the world of the story.

Tango with Spear of Justice: Spear of Justice is a very brash, upbeat song, which matches the recklessness of his personality in the story. He is bold in his decisions, and bold in his use of Tanguish. Several times he puts his own physical needs and comforts above the comforts of his double, and recklessly ignores the cautions his other half gives. It's not that he's trying to be cruel, it's that in his world, things don't have nearly so high of stakes. He's allowed to be reckless, and doesn't understand why, because Tanguish is around, he can't. These reckless overtures do, however, cover up a cowardice that the descending repeats of the chorus and the bridge suggest. There is something guarded under the surface of this song, a vulnerability he doesn't admit to -- that by forcing his double to charge forward, he's giving himself an excuse to hide. [in the context of undertale, this song works to set up for you, the player, the idea that Undyne is a fight you can't win in a conventional way. She will chase you down every time you run. It's only when she's forced to be weak, and in that weakened state receive your help, that she realizes maybe she should rethink her actions in pursuing you.]

Tanguish with Battle Against a True Hero: This song is, at the outset, maybe a little strong for our best boy, but hear me out. The lead in to the song is a promise, the soft breath in before a hard and dogged commitment. Much like Asgore, there is a heavy beat to this song, but one that feels almost like an irregular heartbeat or running footsteps. There is a feeling of rush in this song, of heroism because there is no other choice, of dogged determination through hardship, because someone has to endure, and you're alive aren't you? There is also a soft, thoughtful bridge in this song, where everything slows down right before the final push, which is one of Tanguish's strong suits in the story. He is a thinker and a runner, and when he slows down to think, he can really cut to the core of people. This very thoughtful bridge also feels regretful -- no one likes it when the runner, the thinker, the peacekeeper must decide to stand their ground and fight. It means they're the last one able to. [In the context of the game, this song plays during your battle with Undyne the Undying, the darkest timeline, where you are trying to destroy the world, and Undyne is the last hope for monster kind. It is quintessential brick wall, I will stand in your way kind of music, because literally no one else can. If you kill her, you spend the rest of the game trivializing every other boss battle until you get to the final boss and Megalovania plays. Her death scene is the most tragic one you have to go through imo. Sans and his "Papyrus do you want anything?" line be damned. You watch Undyne fall to dust, trying desperately to pull herself together until she can't anymore, saying over and over again it can't be over. She can't have failed. She has to be strong enough. Why, why isn't she strong enough? Always felt like the fandom did her a disservice smh.]

Hi! Are you tired of me picking linked songs yet? Oh whoops too bad.

Dummy! for Martyn and Death by Glamour for Red: Both of these songs are for! Ghosts! Ghosts finding bodies in another place and, in some instances, ghosts using those bodies to start a new life. They also share some musical themes. There are undercurrents in Dummy!, a very jazzy song, that reappear in Death by Glamour as a more pop-rock vibe, so they're harder to hear but still share a musical link.

Martyn with Dummy!: This song is just. Such a fun romp. There's a little jazz, a little chiptune, and a little bit of spite. It has just enough "I'm chill I'm chill don't worry about it" and "It's on sight motherfucker!" to really zest up a song. It feels like the kind of music Martyn could knife fight to, or rant to, and carries that manic, barely contained energy he seems to always take with him. There is a bridge in this one, but the slow beat isn't thoughtful. Instead its the building jaunt into the next part of the song, a drum beat that gets louder and added onto, and it feels relentless in a fun way. The ending phrases almost seem to suggest this whole thing has been a joke, a little shrug off as the character walks away, in the same way Martyn uses jokes and nonchalance to shrug off the danger he projects at people. [In the game, Dummy is seeking revenge over a misunderstanding. It is protecting its cousin, who it thinks you've robbed of a corporeal form, something all ghosts want. It is a spiteful little goober who ambushes you just when you think you're free of a fight with Undyne. It's a bafoonish fight, with a character who says the iconic phrase, "Who needs friends when you have knives!!!" before throwing the only knife it has and ruefully admitting, "Uhm... I'm all out of knives..."]

Red with Death By Glamour: So, I'm gonna be honest, we haven't seen a lot of Red in the story, and we're not going to see too much of him, but I need you to understand, as soon as he hits the arena sand, he becomes as dramatic and over-the-top as his other half in hermitcraft. He isn't a drama king, he's a drama Red King. There's a difference. We won't see a lot of that. What we will see a lot of though, is his steadfast determination to protect the things he thinks are important. Checking in on the various cast members, being undaunted in the face of adversity, and also being the loud supporter of his right hand man. [In Undertale, Death By Glamour is Mettaton's theme, when he finally goes to fight you. Most of his fight is a performance, you're trying to survive while getting people to like you, because Mettaton's idea of saving the world is being entertaining as hell. Later, however, you learn another very interesting and hidden facet of Mettaton's character: he's Alphys's only friend. And while, yes, he is using her to get the body he wants, he is also trying his best to be a good friend, which includes making her the hero of her own narrative, until it grates on his nerves a little too much.]

Evil Beezuma with His Theme: There is something soft and hopeful about EB in RnS. We're still getting to know him, but what we have seen of him so far shows a character who cares very deeply, and who has enacted great change in himself. He's kind to newcomers, believes in hospitality and paying people in kind, and we can only assume if he's stuck by Helsknight this long, its because he's repaying something. He keeps reminding Helsknight he doesn't have to be a one man army, that he needs to remember there are people around him who care, and he sees in Tanguish a vector to remind the knight about that. Maybe he can't fix Helsknight's problems, but Tanguish might, so now Tanguish is one of his people. That's how the Colosseum works after all, we're all links in one big chain, holding each other together. His Theme carries that hopeful aura. It's an orchestral remake of a song whose throughline transcends many character themes and loading screen backgrounds. It's an idea that's deeply important, and it's not until you get to the end of the game that you find out why. EB also, has broken his cycle with his hermit. That's not something we know much about right now, but he represents a hope that is hard to achieve but possible, if we can just figure out how. [His Theme in Undertale appears at the end of the Asriel Dreamurr fight, when we're carding through flashbacks of Asriel as a child, and finding out just what exactly his deal is. We realize the reason his theme is in so much of the game is because he and his sibling are the reason the world is the way that it is right now. They were the last hope, and they failed. Now, maybe you can help them succeed, finally, after all the heartbreak their loss caused.]

The Demon with Your Best Nightmare MEGALOVANIA: wait waIT WAIT COME BACK HEAR ME OUT. We all know megalovania. We all know why it got so popular. We all know it probably fueled half of Sans's meteoric rise to Tumblr Sexyman status. But just, hear me out here, lets pretend for a second Megalovania hasn't become the meme of the century and really break down what it's got going on. Megalovania is, at its core, a fight song. This isn't even its first iteration. Toby Fox has used this song in just about every major project he's worked on -- for good reason. It's a heavy hitting song. There is a feeling of vindictiveness in this version specifically, the idea of someone very strong, and very angry, and very ruthless. The guitar riffs, the minor key, the many stair-step drops, make the song feel like a descent. You're going down, literally, musically, relentlessly. The song feels like dodging bullets, like you're sitting on a knife edge, and like the unpredictability of it might be the death of you. Similarly, the Demon is a dark, vindictive, almost one-note character. He probably has depth, he probably has a reason to be the way that he is, but it doesn't really matter to the characters in the plot. What matters is he's a known dangerous and vindictive person. Our first introduction to him as an idea, is the knowledge that not only does he kill thieves, he pursues them, makes their lives a living hell. And now, one of the main characters owes him a favor. [So, one thing I always thought was kind of underplayed with Sans, was just how vindictive of a character he was. For good reason -- if you get to his fight, you've done a lot of shit. You went out of your way to be evil, as evil as someone can be in a fictional world. And Sans, a character who's seen a short peak behind the curtain, even admits to you that he's pretty sure nothing matters and he shouldn't be here fighting you. So... why is he? He keeps insisting throughout his fight that this is pointless. You're going to win someday, sometime. He's just making it harder for you. But he's still here, still making you replay his fight a thousand times, for hours and hours. There's something to be said about deciding, in your final moments at the end of the world, that the only thing you think is worth doing, is making someone else's life a living hell. Even someone who deserves it.]

[youthinluv]

our beloved summer

Cause we lost the summer Whеn we lost each other

sypnosis ; videos of zhanghao being part of a documentary during his teens resurfaced and went viral after 5 long years. while many people found him adorable, most people are also curious about his co-star, who he seems to have good chemistry with. what happens when people start to demand their reunion and an interview?

pairing ; zhanghao x gn! reader

wc ; 6175

genre ; inspired by the kdrama of the same name, angst, some fluff

tags ; non idol!reader, academic rivals to friends to lovers, pretty dialogue heavy, kuanjui as their highschool friend bc why not !! zb1 permanent group (real) since i'll have this set in 2015-2021 and 2026 as present day 😜

playlist ; we lost the summer - txt, why didn't you stop me? - mitski

author's note ; mandatory english isn't my first language message here !!!! the backstory (?) for this is actually more lighthearted compared to what u see in the actual kdrama 😭 not rlly happy w how this turned out tbh but i still wanted to push this out. i had to cut a lot down and speed everything to filter out the filler, so it may seem a little rushed/all over the place. the formatting and povs are also kind of a mess so pls bear w me 💔

———

'ZEROBASEONE's Center Zhanghao Goes Viral After Fans Find Him in An Old Documentary From High School'

Sometimes, we can't help but wonder how our favorite idols were back in highschool, or pre-debut, since we know little to nothing about them back then.

But that doesn't seem to be the case for ZEROBASEONE's center Zhanghao, who recently went viral after an old highschool documentary resurfaced, where he starred the films that walked us through his everyday life as a highschool student.

What's even more interesting is that he also had a co-star alongside him, going by the name Y/N L/N. 

While many people found Zhanghao adorable, most seem to be more interested in this mystery person, speculating that they were even dating due to their good chemistry as seen in the documentary.

Fans are now asking for their reunion to see how they're doing and if they are still connected.

———

"Hyung? Who's Y/N L/N?"

Ricky asked, reading through the Koreaboo article that caught his attention after seeing the headline.

Zhanghao, who was on his phone, snapped his head up at the mention of the name.

It was a busy day, they were preparing for one of the many promotional stages they were doing for their debut.

"Huh?" was all he could respond with. He wasn't expecting your name to be mentioned again after so long, especially from one of his own members.

"Oh you didn't see it yet? You're going viral because apparently, people found your old documentary from highschool and someone named Y/N L/N co-starred with you?"

Matthew spoke, he leaned on Ricky's shoulder as he read the article again on the younger man's phone.

Hm. Zhanghao wasn't exactly sure how to answer. In all honesty, he completely forgot about the documentary until now.

Eventually, he settled on a vague answer. 

"Oh, yeah. They were a friend back from highschool."

"Oooh! Do you still keep in touch with them? I'm surprised you never told me about them.”

Matthew leaned forward, now interested.

"Yah! You were friends with Kuanjui back in highschool?"

Ricky suddenly exclaims. The older men both look over and see him watching the documentary in question. Kuanjui, Zhanghao and who they presume to be Y/N were all in one frame together.

"Wow, is this Y/N? They're super pretty."

Zhanghao snatches the phone from the youngest, earning him a whine of protest.

"Do you mind? We're almost up next so you can't be slacking off right now.

Ricky pouts while Matthew laughs at their antics. As if on cue, their manager came in and told everyone else that they had to go soon. Zhanghao returns the phone to Ricky with a warning, and they all make their way to the side stage.

As they do so, Zhanghao's phone gets left behind. The phone lit up and a light 'ding!' signified that a text message got sent to him.

———

Soft music played throughout the room, it was calm and quiet.

Y/N sat near the window, the bright sunlight shining through as they hummed along to the song in the background while she painted calculated strokes on the large canvas.

Just then, Y/N's friend barges in, seemingly frantic.                                 "Hey, Y/N! Have you seen this? Why didn't you tell me you knew??"

Eve stops in her tracks, after seeing the confused expression on their face.

"What?"

"You're telling me you know THE Zhanghao?! And why are people saying you probably even dated him? And you were friends with Kuanjui too?? I'm a fan of theirs, why didn't you tell me?!"

She continued to spit question after question to you, who looked at her with confusion and disbelief.

"Wait, hold on... where did you even get any of this?" Y/N interrupts, causing Eve to trail off from her rambling.

"Oh, so you really haven't seen yet? Apparently you were part of a documentary along with Zhanghao, and it showed you being friends with Kuanjui back in highschool. You're on Koreaboo and Soompi! Why didn't I hear any of this?!"

The mention of a documentary hit them with the realization. Of why Eve was freaking out about this, and everything she said suddenly made sense.

"Wait, what? Documentary? And I'm on Koreaboo and Soompi because of it? Is that why my phone's been blowing up?" they sulk in their seat little.

"I completely forgot I even did that..." they mumbled to themself.

Y/N runs their fingers through their hair. "Okay, fine, yeah it was me. The documentary was all Kuanjui's idea too, since he wanted to pursue being a film director back then before he decided on wanting to be an idol. It's a long story."

"Really? I mean... I have all day." Eve grins, while Y/N shoots back an incredulous look.

"Well good for you then, but I unfortunately don't. I still have to finish this project. It's very important."

"Man! You're such a killjoy!"

Y/N's phone lit up, but this time, with a different tone, which was a relief after the plethora of the notifications they got from random people finding and following their personal social media accounts. 

Looking at the notification, it was a text message from Kuanjui with a simple "hey".

———

"...I'm sorry?" 

Y/N stared at Kuanjui across as if he just told them he lost their most prized possession.

"Look! It won't even be that bad, it's just an interview and you can be done and over with everything by then." he tried to reason.

"Okay, but... why?"

"Why not? The people are curious to see how you're doing, amongst other things."

"Other things like...?" Y/N raises an eyebrow.

"Like how you two are doing as a pair! And I can't blame them, you two really did have good chemistry, everyone can see it, even me! If I didn't know you two personally, I'd also wanna know how the both of you are doing."

Kuanjui leans closer across the table closer to them, a sly grin on his face. "Besides, you'll get paid for it." 

Y/N didn't really have any other counter for that, aside simply not wanting to. And besides, they were at least getting something out of it. After briefly pondering, they let out a sigh.

"...Fine. I'll do it."

Kuanjui almost jumped out of his seat. "Really?! Oh my god!"

"Actually, have you even asked Zhanghao himself yet? Do you think his agency will allow this?"

"Don't worry, I'll get him on board with this. Just trust me."

———

Zhanghao almost choked on his food. Kuanjui had to help him and made him drink water.

After calming down, he tries to distract himself by grilling the meat they had in front of them.

"Are you joking?"

"Nope. And before you ask, both Dispatch and I already talked to your agency about it, they think it'll be great publicity." replied Kuanjui.

Zhanghao sighs. "And here I thought you just wanted to be nice and treat me to dinner. If only I knew you're doing this to try and convince me to this... crazy idea of yours." he pauses. "Why though? You know we're both doing fine even if we don't do this."

"Why not? There's no reason for you to not do it, right? I thought you two ended on okay terms? If there's no bad blood and if you really moved on, then you should have no problem with this." Kuanjui counters, folding his arms and staring at Zhanghao.

The older man looks like he wants to say something back, but no words come out of his mouth.

Zhanghao knows he's right. There really isn't any good reason for him to decline. In reality, he was just avoiding Y/N and wanted to keep that up, even if he didn't know the reason why he was doing that in the first place.

"Please! You'll get paid if you do this, I promise I'll make it worth your time." Kuanjui pleads.

"Of course I did! They said yes too. Unlike you, it didn't take me this much convincing for them to be on board."

Silence followed. Zhanghao clearly seemed to be thinking and considering it, clear enough for Kuanjui to get the hint and attempt to reassure him.

"Look, you don't have to give me an answer right now, so don't worry. But, please please please just think about it and consider doing it."

At this, Zhanghao reluctantly nodded, mentally going through his possible options and ways to approach this situation.

———

"Jiwoong hyung? Can I ask you for some advice?"

Zhanghao asked the man who was making the two of them a cup of coffee. Zhanghao had gotten home quite late and Jiwoong stayed up to wait for him.

"Sure. What's up? Is this about the documentary?"

He replied, placing the mugs on the table.

"Huh? How'd you know?"

Jiwoong chuckled. "Ah, well, I actually overheard Kuanjui talking to some higher ups at the company earlier. Something about you doing an interview with the other person in the documentary?"

"Well... you know how Kuanjui and I had dinner earlier? He actually asked me to do an interview with the other person in the documentary."

"Okay, and you're asking me for advice because...?"

Zhanghao hesitates, before realizing if he doesn't answer honestly, he'll never get the advice he actually needs.

"The thing is, that 'other person' is actually now my ex, and I haven't seen nor heard from them ever since we broke up, so..." he trails off, unsure of what else to say.

As if he read his mind, Jiwoong cuts in "You're avoiding them and now don't know how to handle seeing them again?"

The younger nods, slightly surprised that he managed to almost exactly pin down the situation.

"Well, did you two end and last saw each other on bad terms? Because if that's the case, then I'd probably turn down the offer if that's the case."

"Ah, no..." Zhanghao replies "I actually don't know why I'm avoiding them, especially since it was basically a mutual agreement."

Jiwoong cocks an eyebrow at this. "So you're asking me if you should take the opportunity? Is that it?"

The former nods again, starting to become a little flustered.

"I mean, if you guys didn't have an unhealthy relationship or a messy break up, I don't see why you shouldn't. You said it yourself, it was a mutual breakup. Maybe you two will find some closure too."

Zhanghao lets his head fall to the table, mumbling. "Kuanjui said something along the lines of that too..."

"If two third parties said the same thing, then it's probably best to follow along with it. Trust me, maybe you'll get something good out of it."

———

"I'll do it."

A thud could be heard from the other side of the phone, followed by the sounds of fabric being frantically ruffled. "Seriously?!"

"Yeah. I thought about it and talked to some people, and I've decided that I'll do it."

"Oh my god, thank you so much, Zhanghao! I promise, I'll make it worth your time."

Beep—

And with that, the call between Kuanjui and Zhanghao dropped as the former immediately went to make another call.

"Hello?—"

"Y/N! Zhanghao just called me. He said he'll do it."

"...He did? That's surprising, but good to know."

"Yeah! I still have to make some calls, so I'll talk to you later, but I'll let you know if they'll release more info."

———

"Oh, so you agreed to the interview with Y/N?"

Matthew looks at Zhanghao, recalling the exchange they had a few days before.

"Really?! Oh, I'm definitely seated for that. I binged the episodes they put out and you guys had really good chemistry." Ricky peers up from his phone. 

"Good to know you followed my advice." Jiwoong interjects, stopping himself mid bite, before asking Ricky what he even meant by 'being seated for that'.

"Hm? You asked Jiwoong hyung for advice? Why though?" Matthew asks once again, tilting his head.

"Ah, that's because..."

Zhanghao trails off, stopping himself for a moment.

"Y/N is actually ex. My only one, by the way. I told both the company and Dispatch that so, they might use it as part of the interview. The company didn't seem to mind that though."

The room suddenly went silent, the rest of the members looking at their center, causing him to become flustered.

"Yah! Why'd you guys go all quiet all of a sudden?! You're not supposed to be eavesdropping!"

Then, the room erupted. Now Zhanghao had to endure his members' endless teasing.

Later that night, he sat in his room. After a lot of consideration and debating with himself, he decided to watch the documentary where it all started.

Staring at the screen, he hesitated to press play.

On the other hand, Y/N was also in the same situation. Little did they know that they were both facing the same dilemma.

They both sat in front of their laptops and stared at the screens. In front of them were videos that contained their highschool moments and memories.

After heavy debating, they finally pressed play, all the memories flooding back to them.

—2015—

"Okay, class. I'll be giving back your test papers, so please take note of your scores."

The teacher handed the graded papers back, giving time for everyone to recieve their own.

Y/N recieved their paper. Looking at it, they saw that they got full marks. 

'Yes!'

They cheered to themself, peering across the room to look at Zhanghao to try and see his reaction. 

"Also, congratulations to both Y/N and Zhanghao for getting full marks! Please keep it up."

At that, Y/N had to resist the urge of banging their head against the table.

'Nevermind. Forget it.'

Y/N always saw Zhanghao as an academic rival, but he doesn't know that. He always kept to himself and carried on.

And that's how it always was for them, back and forth. Zhanghao doing his usual, while Y/N did everything to stay on top.

Sometimes it'd work, sometimes it wouldn't. No matter though, Zhanghao never failed to greet them, which in turn made them more irritated about it.

———

"Seriously? I forgot my umbrella..."

Y/N rummaged through her bag for the nth time again, as if by some miracle, the umbrella will show up.

They sighed, looking up and watching the pouring heavy rain.

"You forgot your umbrella?"

Zhanghao came from behind and stood next to them

"Yeah. What, gonna rub it in my face?"

He looked at them incredulously, almost looking offended.

"Um, no? I was gonna offer to walk with you to wherever you were going. I don't think you have an option anyways, since everyone's already pretty much left."

He's right. It was almost 5pm and the school was almost emptied out. If they remained stubborn and turned down his offer, they’d probably have to wait until the rain stopped, which clearly looked like it wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“Ah… I was planning to drop by this cafe nearby before heading home. I’m not sure if you have the time for that, though, so it’s all good if you just go ahead without me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not leaving you here like this. Besides, I actually have a lot of free time but nothing to do, so I’ll come with you, don’t worry about it.”

Y/N stared at him, unsure of what to feel. Zhanghao then motioned them to go ahead, which they did.

The cafe visit and walk there was silent. Zhanghao didn’t seem to mind but Y/N on the other hand had a lot of thoughts running through their mind. The pair lightly bickered in line, with Zhanghao offering to pay for both their food and drinks while Y/N insisted on covering the expenses instead.

“Please, let me. Just think of it as thanks for helping out tonight.”

Zhanghao then let out a huff in defeat, stating that he’ll pay next time instead and that he’ll walk them home instead. His resolve was made clear and it was obvious he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so they reluctantly accepted.

More silence ensued for the walk until Y/N spoke for the first time since leaving the cafe.

“I’ve been meaning to ask… why are you doing this in the first place?”

“Hm? Why, does it bother you?”

Y/N sighed. “I should be asking you that. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t really like you.” Zhanghao couldn’t help but laugh lightly at that. “Ouch. Is it because you consider me as an academic rival? ‘Cause I feel like the energy you’ve been trying to give me, aside from Kuanjui kind of implying it too…”

“Huh, you knew?” Y/N looked at him shocked, while he returned an amused expression. “You always gave me dirty looks when I’d score higher than you, and you’d always look my way with this smug look when you’re the one who’d score higher than me. It can be pretty obvious you’re rubbing things in sometimes, you know.”

They looked away, embarrassed. Y/N seriously didn’t think they were being that obvious to him about it, but looks like they thought wrong.

The man before them put a reassuring hand on their shoulder as they chewed on their lip trying to come up with an excuse. 

“It’s alright, if it’s that serious for you I can hold back and let you rank 1st every time.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered just a little at the idea of him being willing to do that before they quickly snapped back to reality.

“W–Wait, no! I don’t want you to give all that up just for me, I promise. Besides, if I knew you were doing that, it’ll take away the feeling because it's… inorganic? So please, I’d feel even worse if you did that.”

“...Are you sure?” “Yeah. I’ll just work even harder to keep beating you next time! So you better watch out.”

Y/N nodded, hitting Zhanghao’s shoulder which caused him to burst out laughing.

By the time they both got home, they already considered each other friends and were on much better terms. 

Soon enough, they warmed up to each other and hung out with Kuanjui together. They became an inseparable trio and always were seen together.

“Ohohoh! What’s this, Zhanghao and Y/N talking? That’s a first!”

Kuanjui approaches the pair and they noticed he held a camera in his hand, talking to it.

“Yah, shut up! What are you even doing with that?” Y/N lightly hits his shoulder as Zhanghao bites back a laugh.

“Ow! I’m trying to record as much of our highschool days as I can, like a documentary! What’s it to you anyways?”

He replies, rubbing his arm.

Y/N doesn’t say anything back glaring at him as he turns away and starts rambling to the camera.

Time passed and little by little, Y/N and Zhanghao slowly developed feelings for each other. They grew closer and more comfortable with each other. Glances from across their classroom turned into small, unsure touches, and little gifts with a “it reminded me of you, I thought you’d like it.” [ITALICS]

—2016—

Summer has come. The sun shone brightly and the pair stood at a spot they always came back to. It overlooked the city and they could see the lotus flowers in bloom in the nearby garden.

While Y/N admired the view, Zhanghao admired the person next to him. Silent and looking softly at their smiling face. Y/N felt his gaze and turned their head, slightly flustered once they realized that he’s been staring the entire time.

“You’re staring” “I know.”

“...Are you okay?” At this, Zhanghao gulped, unsure if he should say it. ‘It’s now or never. If you don’t tell them now, when will you?’ he thought to himself. Mustering all his courage, he takes a deep breath and faces Y/N again.

“Can I tell you something? Please promise me this won’t ruin our friendship.”

Y/N looks back at him with a confused expression, unsure of how to respond.

“Um, okay. Is everything alright though? You’re kind of scaring me…”

“I like you, Y/N.”

Just then, it was almost like time stopped between them. Y/N stood in shocked silence for a while before Zhanghao started mumbling.

“Itsokayifyoudon’tlikemebackIjusthopethisdoesn’truinourfriendshipan—”

“Hey, hey! It’s okay!” Y/N took his head between their hands, forcing him to look at them. After noticing he calms down, they continue.

“I, um. Actually like you too, so…” they continue, sheepishly rubbing their arm and looking away, flustered. 

It was Zhanghao’s turn to be shocked and silent. He was visibly processing the information before he looked back at Y/N. “Seriously?”

He gets a nod in response. After realizing that Y/N really was being serious, he couldn’t help but break out into a smile and pull them in a tight hug.

They both laugh and start to excitedly talk about where their relationship goes from here, all while they looked back at the colorful lotus flowers in front of them.

———

“Hey, are you serious about taking the Gaokao so soon?”

Y/N asked Zhanghao, who sat across from them and next to Kuanjui.

“Hmm, well, yeah. I actually meet the criteria and have the qualifications for it. You should go for it, too! You’re just as qualified for that as I am.”

“And leave me here?” Kuanjui cuts in, whining.

“Urgh. I dunno, as much as I wanna do that, I also wanna take it slow and enjoy highschool, y’know? Besides, aren’t you taking up Geoscience? I think I’ll be fine if I don’t rush things since I’m taking Fine Arts.” 

Y/N sighs.

Zhanghao hums. “That’s true, but I’m actually not that sure anymore. I might take music if Geoscience doesn’t work out.”

Kuanjui looks up from his food, speaking with a stuffed face. The table shook at the sudden movement, causing the camera to almost lose its balance.

“What are you even still doing with that camera? You’re still doing that documentary?”

Y/N asks and they only earn a ‘shut up’ from him. He then turns to Zhanghao to ask.

“Seriously? So suddenly?”

“Like I said, only if it doesn’t work out. Who knows?”

“You seem so relaxed about a pretty big decision, Hao. You should take this seriously!”

Y/N lightly scolds and hits him. The trio all burst into laughter as the topic starts to divert to their school and classes.

—2018—

“Wah! I’m so glad we both got into the same uni!” Y/N exclaims as they pull Zhanghao into a hug upon meeting each other. “Still, you’re a year level above me which kinda pisses me off. I should’ve taken the Gaokao when you did, too.” they sigh as the pair pulls away from each other.

Zhanghao laughs at this. “Yeah, yeah. It’s a shame Kuanjui had to go back to Taiwan though, we could’ve had a complete reunion!”

“Well, it’s not like there’s much we can do about it anyways. If anything, I can’t believe you dropped Geosci for music! You play the violin now, right? How’s that going for you?

”It was a pretty big decision, I admit, but I found that I really have a passion for music compared to Geosci.” Zhanghao replies, before briefly changing the topic.

“Hey, why don’t we talk about this over lunch instead? My treat, to celebrate your very first day here!”

“Really? Who am I to turn down free lunch?”

The couple breaks out in a fit of giggles as they walk off, discussing a multitude of different topics.

—2021—

“Baobei.”

Zhanghao quietly calls out. Y/N hums, turning to look at him as they both stood at the same spot where they both got together.

The man before them pulls out a small box, softly smiling as he hands it to Y/N.

“Happy 5th anniversary to us.”

Y/N looks at him in shock, before opening the box and finding a Chai hairpin that were decorated with lotus flowers at the ends.

“I know you don’t normally wear hairpins but I saw it and it reminded me of you. It reminded me of us and how we got together when the lotus were in full bloom back in summer. Well, aside from the meaning of the flower itself.”

Zhanghao explains, lightly chuckling at the end.

“Are you kidding? It's so pretty. I love it. I love you.”

They both lean into each other, and as they gazed at the view overlooking the night city, Y/N whispers.

“Happy 5th to us, love.”

———

“I’m leaving the country soon.”

Zhanghao breaks the silence. They stood at their favorite spot once again, where they’d shared a lot of significant memories together.

“Huh?”

“You know Yuehua, right? I told you about it. The agency’s been following me around for over the past 3 years now. I’ve decided to sign with them now that I got my degree. I want to become an idol.”

Y/N stared at him, wanting to say a million things but in the end, couldn’t bring themselves to say it all. “...I see.”

With a deep breath, they fully turn to him with a sad look.

“Let's break up then.”

“...What?” Zhanghao’s brows furrowed.

“Let’s break up, Hao. We can’t be together like this. If you want to become an idol and leave the country for it, then I’ll let you. You can’t be in a relationship as a trainee and I don’t wanna hold you back from your dreams.” “Wait, can’t we talk about this first?” he slowly becomes more panicked at the situation.

“Baobei. Please understand.” Y/N pleads.

 “I don’t want to hold you back and maintain a long distance relationship. I don’t want to distract you. Believe me, I don’t want this either, but it’s better for both of us.”

The couple stares at each other, either one unable to say anything further as their tears start to fall. Zhanghao swallows.

“I’m sorry.” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Y/N hesitates, but starts rummaging through their bag. They pulled out a small box that looked all too familiar to the pair. They take the hairpin out of it, snapping one of the pins off and placing it on Zhanghao’s palm with a small ‘here’.[ITALICS]

“We might not be together anymore from this point on, but promise me you’ll keep this, take good care of it, and carry it around with you when you can, so when we meet again, we can piece them together. Doesn’t matter if either one of us has someone else by then. It’ll serve as a reminder of the times we had and things we shared. I love you.”[ITALICS]

They both burst into tears, hugging each other as if their life depended on it, before deciding to (hesitantly) part ways for good.

That was the last time they saw each other since then.

—PRESENT DAY—

“Kuanjui, was this really a good idea?”

Y/N sighs, as they look in the mirror and restlessly adjust their clothes. They seem to be making sure that something stays in their pockets.

“Don’t get cold feet now, Y/N! It’ll be fine, I promise.”

“When is he coming? I haven’t seen him in ages so I don’t know how to–”

Y/N’s sentence gets interrupted as the studio’s doors open, revealing Zhanghao as he stepped in. He looks around before noticing Kuanjui and Y/N standing and staring at him. Upon seeing them, he gives a polite smile and a small bow.

“Um. I’ll go grab a drink. Stay here.” Kuanjui tells Y/N and before they could even do anything, he was already out of the room.

Traitor!

Sighing, they turn back to Zhanghao and observe him. He approaches them and they hold their breath.

“Hi.” Zhanghao greets.

“Hey.”

“Long time no see, huh?”

Silence settles between them and neither one is sure of what else to say.

“...You’ve changed, Hao.” Y/N musters up a smile, but it’s clear to both of them that it’s a sad one. 

“Yeah. So did you.” 

“So you’re an idol now? Congrats. I’m so happy for you.”

Something inside Zhanghao visibly shifts but Y/N can’t tell what exactly. 

As he opens his mouth to try and give back a reply, a staff member comes in, cutting them both off. They decide to get a chance to properly talk again later as they were both led into the interview room, where the staff member explains the the basics

“You guys will be sitting there and we’ll simply show you questions on a card.You can answer as honestly and freely as possible. Because of that, you only have the flow of the interview.”

They both nod and the cameras start rolling. They do the introductions and read the first question.

‘How did you two meet?’

“This was already pretty obvious but we went to the same school and were classmates.”

Zhanghao starts.

‘What were your first impressions of each other?’

Y/N lightly giggles at this question.

“I considered Zhanghao to be my academic rival but I eventually found out that he didn’t see me that way and only thought of me as a mutual friend thanks to Kuanjui. After he helped me out, we became friends.”

Zhanghao chuckles at this before answering.

“Well, yeah. Like they said, I only knew them because they were friends with Kuanjui. I did think they were pretty nice at first, then I thought they were cold after a while because I thought they hated me .”

At that, the studio’s atmosphere instantly lightened and they were less tense with each other now.

‘We heard that you two used to date. What was the relationship like?’

“Ah, well… we were pretty much inseparable once we became friends, so not much changed and we spent a lot of time together. I guess we were more comfortable and open with each other?”

Y/N answers, careful not to say anything that may cause a scandal. Zhanghao simply nods in agreement.

‘Why did you two break up?’

The room goes silent for a while as the pair looked at each other, gulping. As Zhanghao hesitates to answer,  Y/N cuts in.

“Just differences. He wanted to be an idol and had to move to Korea for that. I wasn’t sure on what to do yet but I stayed behind. I didn’t want to hold him back by keeping a long distance relationship and distract him from his dreams.”

“It was a mutual agreement, so it wasn’t a messy breakup or anything. We were together for over 5 years.”

Zhanghao adds as he nods.

Using past tense to discuss their relationship stung them more than both had expected. You’d think they should be used to it by now.

‘Did you two keep in contact afterwards?’

“Honestly? No. As far as I know, this is the first time we’ve seen each other since we broke up.”

“Yeah. Even though we lived in the same city and ended up moving to the same one as well, this is the first time we've seen each other in person after all that.”

‘Did your lives turn out the way you expected them to 10 years back?’

“No, actually. I wasn’t expecting to end up being on good terms with Zhanghao back then, moreso dating him. I also wasn’t expecting to move out to the country either, so I wouldn’t exactly say that.

“Absolutely not. I wanted to pursue Geoscience at first, but I eventually decided that it wasn’t for me and that I wanted to pursue music instead. So I switched schools and picked up the violin. If you told my 16 year old self that I’d be a K-pop idol 10 years from now, I’d probably think you were crazy.”

The pair laughs at this, knowing that it was true for the both of them.

‘For this segment, we’ll be leaving you alone in the room for 10 minutes. Is there anything you want to say to each other before we wrap up?’

The room went silent and their faces slowly dropped. It stayed like that for almost a minute as the staff all walked out.

“Um…” Y/N starts, turning to Zhanghao, unsure if they should even say this. ‘It’s now or never, Y/N’

Taking a deep breath, they continue. “When I was breaking up with you, I was kind of hoping you’d fight for us a little more. I know that I ended it, but why didn’t you chase after me? Sure, I was trying my best to convince you, but why didn’t you stop me?”

Zhanghao’s eyes turned glassy as he stared at them, watching while they continued.

Y/N takes a deep breath. “I was constantly lying to myself that I was over you, even though I moved to Seoul after you did, and throughout these years I would silently wish that I’d run into you and meet you again.” their voice cracks slightly as tears prick their eyes.

Zhanghao smiles sadly. “I don’t know if you knew this, but ever since we broke up, I’d constantly ask one of your close friends for updates. Everyday, I’d ask them. When they told me you were moving to Korea, I was a little devastated because I knew I couldn't ask them anymore, and finding you would be much harder now.”

“You would constantly look for me?”

“Yeah. When I debuted, I thought about you and how I’ve finally achieved my dreams, but you weren’t there for me anymore. You weren’t with me. And I didn't know how to feel about that.”

“Oh.” 

…

“I watched you though. I watched you on the show, your debut show, all of it. I watched your life through pictures and the videos your staff would upload.” Y/N fidgets with their hands.

“...Do you remember that promise from before? When we broke up? Here.” Zhanghao asks out of nowhere, pulling out the same Chai hairpin from 5 years before and handing his piece.

Y/N looks back and forth between the pin in their hand and the man before them, tears threatening to spill. “You… really kept it?”

“Of course. I’m not one to go back on my promises, you know?”

At this, Y/N pulls out their half, the one they were fiddling with in their pocket earlier.

“I just… didn’t think you would. I was planning to give you my [ITALICS] half instead.”

“Do you still wanna piece them together?” Zhanghao asks, and Y/N contemplates on it. Complete silence once again.

“No.”

“...No?”

“Yeah, no. Here, keep your piece. The fact that you still remembered and even brought your half of the pin already means a lot to me. You can think of it as me giving back to you. This pin already means a lot to me, so I want you to keep it for good now.” Y/N hands back the pin.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

At this, the staff quietly open the door and pour back in, indicating the end of the 10 minutes, as well as the interview as a whole.

They both dab away their tears and take the time to calm down. After doing so, they did the outro and were finally free to go.

Y/N checked their phone as soon as they got off and saw that Kuanjui had to leave to take care of something. ‘Let me know how it went’, the text read.

They stepped out of the building and were greeted with the sun shining brightly over them, completely contrasting to the bittersweet feelings they were having at the moment.

“So…” 

Zhanghao breaks the silence, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“I’ll see you around?”

“That’s it? You’re not even gonna exchange socials, numbers, anything?”

Y/N lightly scoffs, and Zhanghao genuinely smiles at this.

“Looks like you didn’t change much.” they exchange both socials and numbers, and couldn’t help but stare at each other in silence afterwards.

Zhanghao’s phone rings. Seeing the caller’s ID, he turns to Y/N. “My members seem to be looking for me now. Let’s catch up some other time, yeah?” he smiles.

“Yeah. We can do that.”

“It was nice seeing you Y/N. In all honesty, I was afraid to see you again, but I’m more reassured now after all this…” he trails off.

“And I missed you. A lot.”

“I missed you too. A lot.” Y/N smiles at him, mirroring his words.

“I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Zhanghao walks away and Y/N had to resist the urge to chase after him. Watching his figure leave their peripheral vision, they finally allowed a lingering thought to take over them.

“I still love him, don’t I?”

[fr-wiwiw]

well, to indulge myself i'm writing this post to ramble and share a bit of my Gahan barbarian!au. it's going to be a bit of a long post i think, we'll see.

i saw noel's post about their gladiator!yohan & prince!gaon (check it here!) and it makes me miss writing the arranged marriage barbarian!au i have, it only has what.. 3 or 4 chapters I think. you can read it here.

i've always been fascinated by the visuals of medieval, historical, period era. even post apocalyptic future settings like Horizon Zero games franchise.

i think i started au bcs i've played too much Assassin's Creed Valhalla— i haven't finished it yet, too preoccupied with Monster Hunter World— but i have sketched my female Eivor several times in my sketchbook. this was when i'm curious and interested enough to draw human but haven't fully grasped the gesture, anatomy, shapes and all. i usually draw what i take interest on and it helps me tremendously, to keep on learning and push through my frustrations.

and of course.. my Gahan brainrot picked it up. hence the barbarian!au for TDJ born

i have sketches of Gahan in this au, i think i've shared them here too but i'll re-share here. it doesn't catch many eyes, i admit it's a bit of a bummer but I like the idea anyway. I used to imagined them before I went to sleep, now it's idol/celeb!gaon x mysterious husband!yohan that's occupying my mind. but anyways! here are the sketches.

1st sketch is me trying to see his body proportion in viking/barbarian attire. the upper left sketch was me wanting to see modern Yohan stripping off his clothes ig haha.. anyways, between Gaon/Jinyoung and Yohan/Jisung, it's VERY difficult to nail down his face. less lines doesn't resembles him at all and add some more lines he looks too realistic to my simplified version of Gaon/Jinyoung. it was hard trying to find the balance for these characters to be in the same picture and look like they belong in the same style. i want to do Yohan/Jisung's pretty face justice but i still struggled in this sketches. i think this was 2021? 2022?

2nd sketch— his long protruding neck lmao i haven't fully grasped how a person can pose naturally but it came out as if he has turtle neck syndrome going on. well done Yohan! you are a turtle apparently according to my hand. all jokes aside, this was me attempting to paint his face bcs i never really attempted to paint gahan. i doodled and sketched more than i paint/rendering and i'm on my way to learn more of rendering daily if possible, alongside with my daily sketches. you can also see i've tried to give some color to his attire and some medallion or such. do you see a braid there? i will get there, the braid is something significant in this story ;)

3rd sketch is basically me planning out his character design as a barbarian/viking chief. you can see bits of references cuts here and there, took me quite some time bcs i just started to really try my hands on concept character design properly— i love cloaks and capes and vikings has exactly just that, and the winter times are especially my favorite type of attire on them so i thought why not give Yohan polar bear fur as his official formal attire while still flaunting his wonderful body to the world be it summer or winter lmao. here's where you know it's fantasy. i'm sure people back then drink ales and what not to keep their body warm so they can go bare-chested in winter even but i'm sure the day after that they will regret it. but i make Yohan and his clan to have special abilities for living in cold places. doesn't mean i don't make them wear winter attire but this is only bcs i want him to be bare-chested xD the one I post here was before i dabble on the sketch a bit more. hopefully one day i can share it again with more updates for this au.

now.. onto Gaon's sketches.

he's a Prince in this story. his parents, the King and the Queen, arranged a marriage for him for political reasons. but they have special reasons as to why they pick Yohan, aside from political purposes, to be their son's betrothed and gave him away to Yohan's barbarian clan.

1st sketch (ignore the upper left, that's Jinyoung from his other drama). i want to see him in medium and long hair length. there's a purpose to this. he has his canon Gaon hairstyle when he was the Prince in the palace. but with time and some adjustments living with Yohan and his barbarian clan rubs off on him. perhaps it's due to that, or he's grown tired to cut it off again and again (he has no one to groom him properly now unlike in the palace), practical reason is to maintain heat around his neck while in winter, or it's his idea of adapting and blending in with the enemy. you can't blame him for being wary. he's whisked away from his comfort place and home and married off to a fearsome and famous barbarian on the land at that time, almost willingly got raped by Yohan on 1st chapter (yes, you read that right). other reasons why he grows his hair, as i mentioned the culture rubs off on him, is something to do with the hair braiding too. and personal reason is that i want to see pretty Gaon in long hair lol

2nd sketch on the left was him on early days on Yohan's fur beddings. the right was him perhaps laughing out loud by some surprising and amusing thing Yohan said after living with him for some months, you can see the different hair length there. gosh he looks unalive in here lol idk why.. my sketches were still rigid here

3rd sketch is them after establishing a genuine intimate relationship and Yohan has to be away to fend off some unexpected visitors. unfortunately it cost Yohan some of his men's lives. but he made it back to his clan and his betrothed. i make it as if Gaon was anxious waiting for him and one of the barbarian shouted for Yohan's arrival and he ran immediately. lunged at Yohan perhaps, the barbarian Chief managed to catch him but didn't quite have the strength to carry them both upright as the weariness sinks into him post battle & adrenaline wearing off of him. he's home now, in Gaon's arms.

now.. the hair braiding.

barbarians/viking has long hair and braids on their hair. styled cascading down or up into a pony tail or a mohawk and such. idk if this is historically correct but i'm winging most of this anyway but the idea of braids in this story is that it's significant to lovers. it's a mark between special intimate relationship (like lovers, spouses, soulmates). one can have a braid or braid their lover's hair should they wish to, it's very intimate and special for them. jeweleries might have certain status symbol for them and their ranks but I also prefer these barbarians have something simple to symbolize their intimacy. something that can get overlooked but enough for their significant other to know (and some people) what it means.

I like the idea of Yohan having accessories for his attire but his hair is clean from braids. clearly it's saying something if you've read this far and seeing my sketches for their different stages of relationship. over the years of them finally developing feelings and genuinely established a relationship, despite already being married an Gaon almost got raped by Yohan, they are lovers.

yet Yohan never really initiates anything about him wanting to have braid(s) or braiding Gaon's hair. he might have explained about what braids are to Gaon when the bambi was curious or off-handedly commented something about it. Gaon really finds out the real meaning from Yohan's ppl and he wonders why Yohan never asks or wants braids from him. then he realizes Yohan has always been respectful to him, even years after that night he almost raped him. always keeping healthy distance, outside of their sex and other intimate physical affections, he usually waits until Gaon ask first regarding intimate things. not that he never initiates things, he figures something as serius and committed as this is something Gaon wants to have an option to bail out from. they were arranged to have marriage for political reasons after all, Gaon has the freedom to not have feelings for him as long as he stays within the wedding pact rules Yohan make with the King & the Queen ( for Gaon's sake too). He never expects to have feelings for the Prince and he always keeps the option of Gaon falling out of love of him one day. it is only fair, he thinks.

but then Gaon asks him if he wants Gaon to braid his hair. the Prince never ceases to make him falter. it still shocks and amuses him, to have someone have this much effect on him. even with nervousness and blushing state Gaon is in now after uttering those words.. Yohan wonders what he has done to have this kind of luxury to have someone this precious in his arms.

and if his people noticed a single braid just near the back of his neck when wind swept his hair or if he pulls his hair into a ponytail on hot summer days? they will all grin smugly.. Yohan likes to keep it a bit hidden from view mainly bcs it's practical and he doesn't want ppl to accidentally graze it off when he's having friendly wrestle matches or axe practices. or even having people cut it off when he's at war. he doesn't hide it per se, it's visible when it's visible. Gaon smiles sweetly and adoringly when he finds this out bcs to him, it feels as if Yohan is unconsciously protecting it. protecting their relationship, protecting Gaon.

and if Gaon walks out of Yohan's tent, that days when he asks if he can braid Yohan's hair, with a braid or several on his hair? visible to everyone? the people cheer and roar in celebration. they throw a huge feast and toast to their relationship, congratulating the power couple. wishing the gods to give these two their blessings and to protect them. they're finally able to see their Chief have a partner that is equal to him. it's a memorable day

but if you think this story doesn't come with heavy angst, tears, pain and betrayal.. well think again ;))

i will stop here. thankyou for reading! i hope i can pick up this au again in my drawings & writings