#thats the problem very often actually she needs to be there to watch someone flirt with yaz

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

we have MISSED OUT on 13 being jealous oh my god 12 is SO petty imagine IMAGINE if someone had shown some interest in yaz. i dont even know if yaz would notice but the DOCTOR oh my GOD she’d be INSUFFERABLE

bonus points for ryan totally noticing and repeatedly trying to catch yaz’s eye like ??!?!!!! youre seeing this?? are you seeing this yaz good for you good for you

[girlgrouptrash101]

Chaeyoung (Fromis_9) as Your Girlfriend

Request: “PLEASE DO A FROMIS 9 CHAEYOUNG AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND THANK YOU SO MUCH ILYSM”

“Hullooo can I request Fromis9 Chaeyoung as your gf pleasee”

“bro i love your work! not sure if you’re taking requests right now but can you do chaeyoung of fromis_9 as your gf?”

“PLEASE!!! Can you do a GF Chaeyoung/Saerom/Nakyung (Fromis_9)???”

A/N: i hope i did our lovely chaeyoung justice !! 

- C

Chaeyoung Vs confronting her feelings instead of just teasing you constantly until you got the hint and made the first move

once she gets over most of her nerves her teasing tends to take on more of a flirty tone

leading to you turning into absolute mush and chaeyoung getting so cocky 😋

gets a lot more open with affection once you officially start dating,,, but mostly in private because she will NOT be accused of being whipped

(which she absolutely is but... no one needs to know that)

lowkey a sucker for cuddles, and her favourite is when you lay your head in her lap and she can play with your hair

and poking you teasingly when she catches you falling asleep, wanting to keep talking to you until she finally decides to let you nap against her

Chaeyoung is STRONK and loves to show off at the most random of times

You: *having absolutely no problem opening a jar*

Chaeyoung: "hey babe looks like you're having trouble there let me show you how it's DONE"

and proceeds to open the perfectly easy jar before flexing her biceps and making you giggle because. that's your mf girlfriend okay and if she wants to be a gentlewoman and open jars for you then. SO BE IT

dates can range from being at home and screaming at the cringy scenes in romance movies to dressing up to the absolute max and hitting the town,,,, both work for you guys

chaeyoung loves dressing up to go out, mostly because the way you look at her makes her feel like an absolute princess

actually, you look at chaeyoung like she's a princess whether she's in a dress or her pyjamas,, and it often makes her realise just how in love you are with her

which is a huge comfort for her, because she's absolutely head over heels for you, and navigating through these intense feelings feels a lot easier when she knows you're going through the exact same thing

those are the kind of thoughts chaeyoung only shares when she's wrapped up in your arms and half awake in the early hours of the morning, both of you too sleepy to feel the weight of your words,, while simultaneously feeling wide awake as you confess your love to one another

ok that was deep tf. anyways !

Chaeyoung very very very much loves sharing clothes

nothing gets her heart pumping like the sight of you dressed in her sweatpants and hoodies

as someone who can be a tad possessive at times, she loves to see you wrapped in her scent and she honestly thinks you just look so good in them

speaking of jealousy,,,, it is an absolute no no for chaeyoung if someone else even thINKS about flirting with her baby

she has never felt a love as powerful as she has with you, and no one, and she means no.one. is going to take that away from you guys

if someone did flirt with you in front of her she'd soon have her an arm wrapped around your waist and would say something like, "baby, is this person bothering you?" just to get you out of the situation

to which you would thank her, before reassuring her that you're absolutely all hers with a mind-blowing kiss that leaves Chaeyoung smiling like the love sick fool that she is

Tells you SO many stories of her members doing dumb shit omg they're basically your 8 new besties before you even meet them

Chaeyoung impersonating you whenever you do something embarassing my god will she just let you LIVEEE (no she absolutely will not)

she really random affectionate things that make no sense but also you know thats how she shows her love for you so???? you love it anyway????

like. imagine getting a message from her and its a picture of gum stuck to the floor in a shape that BARELY resembles a heart and she’s all like “babe... this is how i feel about you”

but you accept her for being the dork she is,, eventually turning it into a competition to find the most random thing around you that reminds you and Chaeyoung of one another

your relationship is unique, but it’s a perfect kind of love that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside whenever Chaeyoung looks at you <3

NSFW From Here:

i think i could see Chaeyoung preferring to be on top, always using her strength to get the upper hand and leaving you a moaning mess beneath her

does NOT stand for you being quiet; it's the little whines and moans of appreciation from you that drive her absolutely wild

once again with the possessive thing, Chaeyoung would definitely be one to fuck you while you're wearing her hoodie or her oversized t-shirt

or even when you’re clad in her clothes, rocking back and forth on her thigh as her strong hands grip your waist, Chaeyoung whispering words of encouragement and praise in your ear

and you know just how much it drives her crazy, so more often than not you tend to text a few,,, interesting photos to your girlfriend, your legs spread wide open while you're clad in one of her shirts

and you know she'll be so on edge for the whole day, the image of you running through her brain on a never-ending loop

also absolutely loves when you tug on her hair, whether it's when you thread your hands in her locks while you're making out

or if she's buried in-between your legs and your gripping onto her hair for dear life as she brings you closer and closer to the edge

when it's your turn to please Chaeyoung the way she needs it, she always gets so flustered, trying her best to keep a cocky facade,,, but ultimately she always succumbs to the pleasure and becomes a whiny mess beneath you

has a thing for mirrors

imagine your back flush against her chest while you sit on your lap, your legs hooked open over hers as you watch her plunge her fingers in and out of your dripping core

this is also where Chaeyoung is a sucker for eye contact, her eyes darkened with lust capturing your own as you try not to squeeze them shut out of pleasure

for the times when she’s feeling less serious, you best believe Chaeyoung will be teasing you endlessly, laughing as she kisses you all over and can’t help but whisper against her skin just how much she loves you

if there’s one thing about Chaeyoung, it’s that she definitely knows how to make you feel good about yourself, with her endless kind words and soft kisses that make you dizzy

followed by endless cuddles and soft aftercare as she takes care of you, even going as far as carrying you to the bath after long nights where your legs fail to hold you up ;)

[vampire-the-askerade]

how everyone would react to dating a fledgling thats very clingy/cuddly/needing of attention? and/or a fledgling whos very cuddly when they sleep

Camarilla

Therese- She really doesn't mind as long as you don't get in the way as she is working. Loves if you are clingy when you sleep.

LaCroix- Publicly, please don't. There's a certain image that the Camarilla expect it's members to keep, especially their leaders, and cuddly isn't one of them. When the two of you are alone, however, he's as clingy as you are. He might be even more clingy than you when you're resting for the day.

Sheriff- You are so tiny! You can try to cuddle him, but might find it difficult to do. Not because he isn't willing most of the time( there are times where he needs to be sure he is intimidating, so he'll decline) but rather because his just such a large person that you can hardly get your arms around him. When you sleep you almost have to snuggle up right next to him to even fit on the bed.

Struass- If the two of you are anywhere near someone else, or somewhere remotely public the physical affection is completely out of the question, He is a man of high standing in the Camarilla, and cannot have that image tarnished. When you're truly alone he more than happy to make it up to you. Not that he is at all clingy himself, but he doesn't mind if you through yourself on top of him. The same when you're resting during the day. With how the chantry is set up there's no way someone will even make it to the room you're in unless he wants them to.

Nosferatu

Imalia- Her too! She'll complain about it the whole time, but is usually the one to initiate things. Sleeping patterns are no different.

Mitnick- Help! He is a bit cuddly himself, but he gets really blushy about it, especially when you initiate it. Doing so when you sleep with absolutely wreck him.

Barabbas- He loves it! Won't be clingy himself, but wants everyone else to know you're with him and you hanging on him at all times is a good way to show that. More inclined to wrap an arm around your shoulders when the two of you are alone or sleeping.

Bertram- Look, it's not that he doesn't like it, but rather he's simply not used to it. What is this? Are you attacking him? It's affection? Okay, he guesses... Not the bed though. Bertram's side of the bed is for Bertram and Bertram alone.

Gary- As someone that used to get a lot of fake affection for attention to getting none at all, he's highly suspicious at first. But, when he finds out that you are genuine with your emotions than he's fine with it. Won't seek it, but is happy when it happens. However, he is to the point where he refuses to go to bed for the morning alone if he knows you're around.

Anarchs

Jeanette- You think you can out-cuddle Jeanette? You thought wrong! She'd loved to see you try though. I also hope you really like to cuddle when you sleep, because it doesn't matter how big the bed is she'll be right next to you the whole day.

Damsel- Not very cuddly, but also won't push you away either. She does however enjoy it when the two of you are alone, especially when you're resting for the day.

Skelter- He would actually not mind it to a certain extent. If you get a little too showy with it he'll ask you to back down. When you're alone he won't mind, but don't be offended if he needs to take a break from being close. It's simply his nature(as well as his Gangrel nature kicking in.)

Jack- Loves it as long as it's not too sappy. He's not too found of lovey-dovey stuff, but loves to show everyone that this beautiful person on his arm is most definitely his. Feel free to try to get close to him during the day, but be aware that he moves around a lot so you might accidentally get punched or kicked a few times.

Nines- Look, he's got a reputation to keep as the tough and cool leader of the LA Anarchs, so don't get too soft with him in public. But, also he wants people to know that unlike the Camarilla people are actually allowed to have emotions. When the two of you are in for the day the tables will turn. Good luck getting anything done with him hanging on you.

Independents

Vivi- Loves a cuddly partner! Obviously you won't be able to do it much when she's working, but if the two of you are just hanging around the club you'll be all over each other. The same for when you are in the haven for the night.

Ash- Pre-capture he doesn't mind it, just watch out for the hordes of angry fan-girls. Post- capture he like to every once in a while, but just needs his space sometimes. But, when you're sleeping for the day, he wants to have you as close to him as he can to be sure that you aren't going anywhere.

Isaac- He will remain a pillar of stern fortitude the whole time, but welcomes you being clingy in public. Kind of states that, yes you are his and if anyone even thinks about flirting with you their dead where they stand. Will absolutely return the affection in private, though. There's no way you're not at his haven and right next to him during the day. As the baron he's got too many enemies to keep track of and needs to know where you are at all times.

Beckett- Look, you have to know him. He'll go missing for a week or two at a time because he's just not a people person, even if it's people he cares about. But, when he gets back to you expect him to make up for lost time. Is actually sort of upset if you don't immediately fling yourself on him every opportunity you have.

Other

Andrei- Sure, you can hang on him all night long if you want(as long as he's not attending to his duties as archbishop), but at what cost? He might start absentmindedly using flesh crafting on you and by the time the both of you catch on it will take a half hour to fix everything. Also being next to him everyday won't happen; unless you don't mind cramming into a coffin full of dirt.

Ming Xiao- Public displays of affection of any form are a no for her. Even if the two of you are alone, she's just not the cuddling type. She might let you get close if you're really important to her, but that's going to take some time.

Pisha- Seeing as she's mostly by herself in the hospital all the time, she has no problem with you snuggling right up to her as she studies the night away. The only time that she really won't want you around is when she's hunting. Other than that, she doesn't care.

Cain/Cabby- Here's the thing; if you can get him to get out of the cab long enough to snuggle up to him, then you can. But, that doesn't happen too very often. Even during the day, he'll be somewhat secluded from you. He's the first and strongest of vampires, so rest (or death rather) during the day isn't really a thing for him. There are times where he will be with you during the day, however.

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

FIC COMP: Additional Kidverse

#1 - In Which A Hunter Meets Someone He Really Shouldn’t

The hunt wasn’t like anything Bill had chased down before. The killing style was sporadic, with only the weapon style and sheer amounts of gore left behind as any sort of connection. One victim would be found with her throat sliced apart like strings and a trail of blood disappearing through her cleavage. Another would have portions of her skin seemingly peeled away - as though skinning a chicken - and then her muscles carefully cut out to leave only ghostly white bones. Then there would be the ones, a mishmash of brutality with teeth missing, slices and cuts trailing all over, and bones broken into dust. Bill figures those were the girls who put up a struggle, though their families said they were docile and sweet, with the only other connection the hunks of golden hair that would encircle the mess.

Tracking the monster was proving difficult, though the hunter was finally able to decipher just how long it stayed in an area and how often it would return to the scene of the crime. Three girls, that was the limit to returning, though the number of unfound bodies or ones who would get away without a tale to tell could make that larger. But three dead victims was the number before it would move somewhere else, or at least thats what Bill hypothesised as he settled into the slightly sticky faux leather booth of some swanky cocktail lounge.

With the number of beautiful women around, it wasn’t hard for him to see it as a feeding ground for the monster he was tracking. The handful of  confident enough women that had approached him about buying a drink or sharing the remainder of his booth would make it extra easy for it to find a choice of meal and fun. He’d rebuked most requests with a shallow glare or shake of the head, grunting out apologies or that he was waiting for someone. Bill was a married man after all - or at least he still felt like it, even though his wife was currently tucked up in bed with her new man several thousand miles away. And the number of girls who just reminded him of his daughter these days made his head spin; he was too old, even if he didn’t seem like it.

Shrugging down further into the booth, the hunter sips at his drink, the burn of the cheap bourbon going down easily as he looks about for it. The grainy security footage - a tall, dark haired man in a finely tailored suit with a razor-sharp smile with each of the found victims - the only identifiable connection as none of the employees recognise or remember the events of the night each time. A quick glance around the cocktail bar though springs up at least five men who could fit its shoes.

One particularly sleazy looking man caught his attention over the others, as he leant in to whisper into a giggly blonde’s ear before sending a wink at the friend beside her. The predatory gaze as the man handed the pair a vibrant pink Cosmopolitan each and shifted almost against the blonde made the hair on the back of the hunter’s neck stand up. Whoever it was, that girl was in trouble and Bill wasn’t about to stand for it.

Abandoning his booth, bourbon and coke half empty and left on the sticky black surface, he makes his way past the small groups of people huddling around, flirting and laughing and enjoying themselves, to lay his hand on the bar - shoved in between the man and his prey as though he was attempting to call down the bartender.

“Hey what do you think you’re doing?” The angry snap of the man caught in his ear as he waited, knifes edge ready to be snagged from under his t-shirt where it was hiding in his belt loop if need be. It was too public, really, but Bill didn’t really care so much about that.

Feigning surprise, the blond glanced out the corner of his eye at the man, before looking away as though dismissing him. If this was the monster, he wasn’t very intimidating. If it was just a slimeball, he’d just get the trash thrown out.

“Oi, I’m talking to you, asshole. What the fuck’s your problem?” Bill bit down on a snort at the offended tone his actions brought up, both ladies on his other side looking confused. Though the darker haired of the pair seemed visibly relieved to have someone seperating her friend from the man. “Me and the ladies here were having a good night, and now you’re butting in and rui-”

“My problem? My problem is guys who prey on women just out for some fun and dropping roofies in their drinks.” The hunter growled the words out, eyes flicking between the brightly coloured drinks and the man’s shocked looking face, and what he thought was a guilty flush in the dim blue lighting. Drumming his fingers against the bar, bicep flexing tightly in front of the objector, Bill levels a glare towards him before adding venomously, “Or /worse/.”

The stammered objections were all it took to clear the man of being it in his mind, but that did not stop the blond from turning his back and gesturing for the ladies drinks. Both quickly hand over the both before scurrying away while Bill gets his second drink and moves to return to his booth as the bartender moves to throw the embarrassed man out.

It’s not until the hunter is sitting down again that he glances around again to suss out the remaining candidates to spot one staring right back at him. Perhaps making such a move wasn’t the smartest, but if he’d have to wait a night or two to pin down this beast because of it, so be it. Staring the other down, Bill waits until the man seemingly gives up and turns his attention to a bubbly brunette who just passed him by before picking up his drink to return to observing.

“That was an interesting choice,” The voice seemingly appears out of nowhere, coming from the empty side of the booth. Jerking his head up, Bill smothers the surprise at seeing the man he’d stared down suddenly before him when he had just been across the room. It wouldn’t do to appear unsuspecting, and he had known the monster might be able to pull such tricks. What does surprise him though is the brunette simpering against his side nearest the wall, small tan fingers playing with the monster’s tie and mumbling to herself as the thing’s hand splays across the open back of her dress. “Playing your cards out in the open like that, just so, what? Two drunk ladies could make their way home without something nasty happening between here and their sheets?”

He shrugs a shoulder, raising the glass to his lips for a moment and taking only the smallest of sips, thinking over his response. His fingers itched to reach for his knife and plunge it into the creature’s heart, but with the girl there he couldn’t make such a risk. “Only decent thing to do.” Bill scrubs a hand against his chin, the thick bristles of his beard tickling faintly as he eyes off the creature giving him the exact same back.

The monster’s mouth twists into an almost sadistic grin, fingers raking across and leaving a trail of red marks down the girl’s back. “Decent? Yes, but very foolhardy. I can see where Joanna gets it from.” His hand definitely twitches to grab his knife, sliding off the table, only to pause at the biting laughter from the other. “The penchant for bringing weaponry to civilized conversation too. Like daddy like daughter…”

“I don’t know what or who you’re talkin’ about, creature, but you’re going to wish you’d stopped sooner when I’m finished with you.” He hisses the words out between his teeth, fingers flexing over where his knife is hidden as he glares across the small table separating them. The brunette doesn’t seem to be noticing the tension between the men, her fingers curling inside of the monster’s shirt and rubbing against him with her cheek. Bill swallows back the bile boiling up his throat, jerking his head towards the blissed out woman. “Speakin’ of stopping - you’re going to send the little lady on her way now, before I show you out, shadow.”

That actually gets a laugh out of the monster, the sound like nails on a chalkboard for Bill to hear. If the girl’s actions were making him uncomfortable before, it was nothing to how he felt watching the shadow shake his head and slide his hand underneath the open side of the flimsy black dress to cup at her chest. “Well now, I think that’s up for her to decide, don’t you think, Harvelle? Darling, did you want to leave or stay here with me and this?” The fabric of her dress bunched up across the back of his hand every time the monster made a move, and it twisted as he seemingly pinched her nipple and went back to teasing her at a moan. The shadow’s face was covered in unbridled glee beneath the smirk as he raised a brow back at Bill. “I’ll take that as staying here. Though the last time I did that around a Harvelle, the noise was much more pleasing - squeaky and breathless, with just a hint of desperation.”

Blue eyes widen in shock and rejection, his hand slipping off of his side to reach across for the shadow, as though on auto-pilot. It wasn’t like he believed the words, or could even reconcile what the monster meant, but it was poison and had to be stopped right away. Bill had heard this one had connections back to the thing his daughter was playing house with, but that was all he’d heard, and the idea of them swapping stories or things that could bring such comments out made him taste blood. The constrictions of the booth halt him in his tracks though, staring hatefully at the monster as his fingertips barely brush the edge of its tie before he’s resettling back down.

“Now that was just rude, I never thought I’d say this but sweetie has better manners than someone it seems. Never did get to see if she takes after her mother, you know.” The shadow barely blinks in surprise at him, pinning the hunter back as he rages internally. Bill wants to strangle it; wrap his hands around the meatsuits neck and strangle it with iron and pure force. He could tell the monster knew it though, as he grabbed and twisted the almost purring brunette around next to him, almost sitting her on his lap as he retracts his hand only to cover her from outside her clothes to the same reactions. “Maybe you could give me a helping hand though. Did your wife like having her hair pulled like this?” The shadow almost pets the young woman’s hair back before yanking it hard back, exposing her pale neck.

Bill’s hands turn into white knuckled fists on the table top, eyes fixated on the stolen face rather than the twisting, whimpering woman across from him. “You’ve got no idea what you’re lying about, you sack of filth.” The bark of laughter his words get just brings out a snarl, lip curling to one side as the hunter glances around to see if anyone was listening in or watching them, noticing at all what was happening only to see the other patrons all looking elsewhere, as though the booth and the three of them were invisible. “Unhand the girl and let her go home, and I /won’t/ slice your throat open here and now.”

The shadow doesn’t give him a second glance though, shifting to press his mouth against the woman’s neck, biting sharply down as he moves along from her jawline to her collarbone. There’s a dark glimmer at some spaces of blood as he pulls back, hand tightening in her hair again as he seemingly inspects the handiwork, before replying offhandedly, “Sweetie once slit a hunters throat for me. He looked just like you even. It was beautiful and tasted so sweet all that self-loathing and disgust. Made getting her all hot and bothered so much more satisfying later.” Biting down at the woman’s clavicle sharply, the shadow finally catches the other’s stare. “But I should leave something for her to tell you about one day. When your trying to reconcile with her and her little pet, you can ask her about the other monsters she’s let plow right into her and focus your disappointment all over again. Daddy’s little girl really isn’t that good at /hunting/ monsters…”

Bill snarls back, shoving the idea away that there would even be a glimmer of truth in the monster’s words. Monsters are like demons, they lie to get a reaction, and he refused to buy into this one’s tales. “Good try, monster, but while her taste might be questionable with that thing hanging around - I know she’s raised better than the likes of you.” Unclenching his fists, he reaches for his drink and tosses it back as the woman beside the creature wiggles about and moans about wanting his hands back on her, the liquor calming the revolution being led in his stomach with the sharp dousing. His other hand fishes out his dagger, the iron blade heavy in his palm one moment and then lodged into the creature’s sternum the next. “Now /run away/, asshole, before I get my other blade out.”

The reaction is instantaneous - a hiss of pain from the monster, the whimper of surprise from the brunette and the squeak of the faux leather - as the shadow jerks the blade out of where it had stuck in the bone, throwing it onto the table, and then disappearing. Bill let out a breath at how lucky he was to have it returned without having to hunt after it, though sucks it straight back in as the almost-victim starts looking around in confusion and distress.

Sighing to himself, Bill tosses back the remainder of his previous glass before starting on damage control. He might not have killed the thing, but he got a message out and saved the frightened young woman from a death worse than fate had planned for her. Tucking away his knife, the hunter shoves the monster’s words away too - in a little box to go to the back of his mind for another day.

#2 - Sick Days

It wasn’t the first time either of the children had been sick - the memory of Fiona’s first fever at a few months old that had left him terrified of another loss could come to mind easily, as could the time Billy’d been brought home by the whiskered old hunter with a stomach flu that made nothing stay down at all after staying with his grandparents for a week - but it was the first where the voice of reason wasn’t there to calm him down and both children were tucked into blankets on the sofa instead of at school.

Jo had been away for the last week, following a rather bloody trail of a demon across three states already, and had called in the night before last that she wouldn’t be likely to be home for a while longer. The only things that stopped Grey from going to join her were the youngsters napping and knowing that she wasn’t alone on her hunt. When she’d asked how things were at home, Billy only had a slightly blocked nose and Fiona was stilling running around the back yard with Nana without issue. As he poured out two fresh glasses of OJ, he couldn’t help but wish she’d called a little later and be on her way back now.

“Da-daddy?!” The croaky shout from the lounge didn’t surprise him - the little girl’s voice had all but disappeared before bed the night earlier, and he’d been on at her to keep quiet at least for a day or two. Fiona was usually good at following instructions, especially when her father gave them to her, but being sick brought out the same bratty qualities her mother had sometimes.

“Coming..”

His shout back as he fumbled the bottles of cough syrup (raspberry flavored for her and cola flavored for Billy) into his arms amongst the box of tissues and two glasses of juice, came at the same time as the very painful sounding coughs from the lounge. The groan after it as Grey made his way in made it clear that the coughing was from the older boy.

Billy had come home from school with a stuffy nose and a bit of a fever two days earlier, the school nurse had called and asked Grey to come and pick up the fourth grader after he’d fallen asleep at his desk and his teacher had been concerned it wasn’t the usual inattentiveness in the boy. It had gone quickly pear shape from there and the next morning his voice was gone aside from the hoarse coughing and grunts as the flu sunk its claws into him.

The little girl beside him, curled into a ball under her fuzzy purple blanket at the other end of the couch as she stared up at her father with watery eyes, had caught it by mid-morning that very day and both children had been parked in the stifling warmth of the lounge room beneath blankets, fleece and a very warm  dog ever since.

It hadn’t worried Grey much until both were sick, Billy often faking sick or catching some crazy virus from anywhere possible all the time; but at least he didn’t need to concern himself with trying to keep them both separate. Keeping the curious and loving five year old away from her older brother was hard any day of the week without including his inability to run away.

“You doing okay, Fi?” He asked gently as he poured the correct dosage of syrup into the measuring cup for the little girl, palm pressed to her forehead to check her temperature. Still hot, but not as bad as it had been. Grey petted her hair softly while she drank her medicine and then took the small glass of juice for her own. “It’ll feel better soon, I promise. Mommy’ll be home soon too, and she knows how to make everything better.” It might have been a bit of a white lie, but Fiona was too fogged to be able to pick up on that - the small range of powers that he and Jo had noticed in the little girl extending to at least being able to sense someone’s uncertainty or untruthfulness.

The shadow might have gotten away with the lie to Fiona, the dark haired girl’s head dipping in acknowledgement and happiness as she sipped at her drink and got tucked in tighter beneath her blanket, but the knowing look the older boy sent him made Grey sure that at least one of the children knew their mother wasn’t due home for a while. Unlike his sister, Billy knew more about what kind of ‘work’ his mother did, despite only being close to ten years old, and exactly how unpredictable it could be. When Jo had missed his first Parent Teacher Night of the year finishing off a rugaru, the young boy had just said it sucked that he couldn’t have gone with her instead to make it quicker.

As Grey poured out the brown liquid for the blond boy, he didn’t hide the smile on noticing the sight of a worn out blue blanket hidden underneath the doona as Billy shifted about and leant over to make his sister more comfortable as she fell back to sleep. The boy grabbed the glass out of her hand, still mostly full of the brightly colored juice and leant awkwardly to set it down before he took the cough syrup cup from Grey. The blanket had been with Billy since he was born, the same one that Bobby had gifted to mother and son in the hospital, and even if he was beginning to behave like a brat towards everyone as the revelation of what Grey (and in turn, Fi) was was starting to be understood, the shadow couldn’t stop from finding the boy’s care for his sister and the rest of the family sweet.

“Thank you..” The boy croaked the words out, followed quickly by “bleurgh”, as he handed the medicine cup back. Green eyes were just as watery as his sister’s brown as Billy fought to keep the liquid down and another great cough back, dark bags evident beneath his eyes as Grey set everything down on the coffee table that was doubling for a medicine cabinet and drinks bar.

Billy didn’t do sick well - staying in bed or one spot for a long time was as hard for him as it was for his mother - and that he was willing to let the older man help him to lay down and under the feather quilt spelled out to Grey just how sick the boy was. If neither child seemed better at all in the next twelve hours he was going to have to let Jo know to come home early, hunt be damned. That’s what Grey told himself as he stroked the little boy’s blond locks as he too fell asleep, certain that Jo would very likely murder him if she came home to the kids in the same condition they were in now without being warned.

—

“Don’t you dare get up from those pillows, mister, or I will make you have a round of syrup as well. /Without/ the sugar to chase it down.” Jo’s voice was firm as she pointed at the other, the authoritative tone only a little weakened by the gentle look on her face. This was definitely one of the worse things to come home to.

She knew that the kids were sick, but she wasn’t sure how bad it had all been until she got home and had to take over. The berating Grey had gotten for not using the chest rubs on the children’s backs or pulling the humidifier out of the linen closet or making the chicken soup recipe her mother used to make her and she had written down for such occasions was only softened by how exhausted the man had been as she got back home.

Within two hours of her getting through the door there was a large pot of soup made, heated and served, and the pillows had all been layered and fluffed correctly to make the correct backing to avoid strains and pains as she bustled about fixing everything else while Grey rested. It was due singularly to the fact that it took something extreme to make him sick that she wasn’t dosing him with cough medicines, flu remedies and rubbing vapor rub across his chest.

By the time she had gotten back from halfway across the country, leaving the demon to be tracked down by the Winchesters’ alone, both Billy and Fi were well and truly on the mend and well enough to be going to school the next morning. Grey on the other hand looked like death walking, and Jo’d barely been able to conceal her amusement at the look of relief she’d gotten as she relieved him of his duties and instead sent both the children and him up to bed to rest.

“Oh come on..I’m not even sick.” Grey argued back, hand reaching out sluggishly to wrap around her wrist as she sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. “Cough syrup wouldn’t do anything-”

“Except taste disgusting and teach you a lesson 'bout not callin’ me earlier, you silly man.” Jo flicked him back forcing him to recline back into the mountain of pillows as she loosened her hand from his grip and stood back up. “You, stay put. The kids are tucked in, and /you/ deserve a break, super dad.” It hadn’t taken much for her to get the children into bed, a promise to be there in the morning and to make pancakes if they went straight to bed - /with/ chocolate sauce because they’d behaved so well for their daddy - was all she needed. Unlike getting the other to get into bed.

When it looked like he may try to comment further, she leant in to press her lips to his forehead before she gave a low whistle and waited for the tell-tale sound of heavy footsteps up the stairway before she added teasingly. “And Nana’ll make sure you get it, same as the kids.” Jo smirked as the heavy animal lopped its way up onto the bed and across Grey’s lap, and headed down to tidy up the lounge and kitchen, ignoring the complaints and groans of the tired man left behind.

#3 - Adventures In Camping

“C'mon you two, keep up or I’ll make you set up the tents all your own.”

The elder teenager barely bit down the snort at the call, knowing full well that even if he and the younger boy took too long to catch up they wouldn’t be forced to put it altogether by themselves. The older woman might holler and bark out orders, but it was his birthday present and if they dragged their feet enough the tents would be up, or at least mostly up, by the time they got there.

“Comin’ Mom!” Billy called as he moved along and hopped up onto the large fallen tree that the other had just passed by, holding out a hand to help the younger boy up and over. “Dylan’s just having some trouble with the tree!”

“I am not-” The younger boy snapped back as he scrambled up the side of the tree, slapping Billy’s hand out of the way despite the fallen trunk behind a few inches higher than his head off the ground.

He was determined, Billy would give him that, and as the other jumped down the other side to take off after the older hunter, the birthday boy turned to look around the woods they were trekking through. It wasn’t somewhere he’d expected to be coming for the weekend when he asked a few months back to be allowed on his first hunt for his sixteenth birthday; and he’d not predicted that his Uncle William would let his son come along as well. Sure the kid got to live on the road with his dad, which the elder had envied for a few months when he first met the kid a few years back, but he didn’t get to go to a steady school or hobbies that weren’t making salt rounds or cleaning weapons. He didn’t get a little sister either. Billy missed having her the most going to stay with Grandpa Bobby and Grandma Jody. But the kid seemed as green around the edges as he was himself, which at least put them on even footing as they caught up to his mom.

He was right about the tents - the poles for the larger frame were already assembled and the blonde woman had the canvas laid out, waiting for the extra hands to arrive. Billy smiled, reaching out to pluck a stray leaf from her hair as he moved to help erect the poles. “So much for making us put it together, Mom.”

“Well I’d have been waiting all night if I decided to wait for you and Dylan,” Jo quipped back as the pair moved in tandem to thread the poles through the eyes of the tent. She glanced towards the younger boy who’d already shuffled around to start getting a fire pit together, quirking an eyebrow up at him as she turned back. “What were you two doing back there, marking your territory on the way past?”

The older boy bit down a laugh at his mother’s joke until he noticed the bright red blush spreading across the other boy’s cheek - letting out a guffaw as he grabbed the pole to tug through and set into the holster. “Not like you could, just thought we should do our manly duty.” He wasn’t surprised to hear Dylan spluttering, nor for the next rod to tap swiftly against the back of his head as retribution. His granddad always said the mouth on him would get him into trouble someday.

“Best keep that to a minimum around the camp site then, Billyboy. We don’t want to go attractin’ to ourselves just yet, now do we?” Jo chastised gently, though the mirth at his mucking around was evident enough as they completed putting together the tent for the two boys and moved to set up the one person tent for her beside the larger one. They moved in easily in tandem, something that made him quietly proud to find he could match easily with the smaller woman. As they brushed their hands off and set about unpacking for the three of them, Dylan gave a whoop of success as the fire pit turned warm and virtually smokeless, earning him a ruffle of his own blond locks from the older hunter.

Things settled down easily though as dusk came and went - despite neither boy being very experienced at hunting both had gone camping before enough to work together well under the hunter’s guidance, and Jo had worked up a pretty decent stew and warmed rolls for the three of them as well as having set up the proper wardings about the camp. Over dinner she answered questions easily and handed out pages to quiz both teens on.

While it wasn’t something exciting like a vampire nest or a wendigo or coven (all things Billy had been silently hoping for despite the horrified look his dad made at the idea that Jo would take him hunting at all of sixteen years - the yelling that he could hear from down the stairs the night she’d told him they were going hunting had been loud and angry enough to find Fiona crawling into bed to hide from it made him sure it wouldn’t be), that they were hunting a creature with as much blood on its hands as a werewolf every full moon made him really excited. Dylan didn’t seem as enthused about chasing down a demonic eagle that would entice people away under the guise of a baby’s voice; even a little scared from Billy’s perspective.

“Okay, last toilet break, boys - we’ve got to get some shut eye before we try to track this thing after midnight.” Billy started from looking over the pages at his mother’s words, tucking the pages away as they all got ready for a nap while she stayed up for the first guard shift.

“But Mom, it’s so ear-"

"Don’t even start with me about that, you’ll regret it if you don’t rest now.” The older woman finished scrubbing their dishes in a pot of water and suds before pouring the lot outside of the salt ring around the camp, getting everything sorted so that they wouldn’t be attracting any type of creature that wasn’t warded off by the ring or other markings either. Dylan had been fascinated watching her set up the camp, asking far too many questions about the stones and hex bags that were buried around their camp for Billy to think that his dad used such things himself, and even now as both boys were guilted into withdrawing into their tents the boy was keeping a keen eye on what the older hunter did with the same hunger reflected in his own eyes. “Now, goodnight boys. I’ll wake Dylan up for the second watch in a few hours, okay loves?”

“Night Mom.”

“G-good-goodnight!”

The taller teen zipped up the mouth of the tent behind them, the faint glow of both of their watches the only light in the slightly squishy space as both boys tuck in for the night. As he turned over to face towards the other, Billy frowned a little at the faint darker blush and uncertain smile on the younger’s face. “What the hell dude?”

“What?” Dylan rolled onto his own side, mumbling back quietly as they could hear the faint sounds of Jo moving around outside the tent and then the further noises of the forest waking up. “I didn’t do anything!”

“G-goodnight! What’s with that?” Billy mimicked back, smirking a little but in gentle ribbing. “You want me to ask Mom to tuck you in too?”

“Shut..shut up.” The younger one snapped, flush growing further as he shrunk down into his sleeping bag. It took everything in Billy not to laugh and prod further as the other turned over to go to sleep, though rolling onto his other side as well he couldn’t help but feel bad for the other. He’d not heard about William’s partner or Dylan’s mom before and giving a quiet sigh - thinking back on the months spent away from his own family even if he still had Grandma Jody and Grandpa Bobby all the time - he couldn’t help but feel bad for the other boy though too proud to apologise as they both attempted to fight their body clocks to get to sleep.

He barely woke when the other got woken up for watch, but when he did it was to the sound of crying somewhere outside. Rousing up, Billy rubbed at his eyes as he unzipped the tent and crawled out. “Wha’s the noise ‘bout, Dill?” He yawned around the words as he zipped it back up behind him, noticing the fire had fully died down to embers and his mother’s tent was still closed up.

Looking around for the younger boy, he frowned when he couldn’t see the other inside the camp limits as the crying began to get louder. “Dill? ..Dylan?” Billy turned, shouting out when he spotted the other boy about twenty feet away in the mist gathering around the area. As he moved forward, the crying got louder as the young boy moved through the forest. “//DYLAN?!//”

The boy made no move as though he heard the call, moving further away from the safety of the camp towards the squalling child.

As Billy meant to rouse his mother, the next thing he saw was a dark figure drop down from the trees above the other boy and encompass him within its wings and the crying turning into the sharp call of a screech owl. There was no time to think for him, just to grab the nearest weapon and spring after the shape as it dragged the small teen back within the forest. “/BILLY! HELP!/” Dylan’s voice cut off with a scream as the creature buffeted him about, talons cutting into shoulders as it moved further past trees and into the fog surrounding the area brought on by it.

“Hang on!” He shouted back, awkwardly big feet tripping over roots and ferns as he continued after the monster and other boy. His uncles had been teasing him that his feet were getting bigger than his ego for the last few months as he’d entered the gangly period of time. Fiona wasn’t much shorter than him all of a month ago, but he’d sprung up two inches since then to over take his mom. It made traversing through the dark, misty under brush harder than if he’d already grown into his feet or had longer legs to dash through. “I’m comin’!”

As he lost sight of the creature, dark feathers, despite its large size, blending into the darkness around them all - swallowing it, and Dylan, up, Billy let out a scream. “/Fuck you, you crazy monster-bitch!/” The words were out of his mouth as he continued to run, hands tightly holding onto the barrel of the gun as he tried to spot the monster again, only to be met with a pained screech up ahead.

Billy stumbled, confused by the reaction as he panted and pushed on, cursing the creature under his breath as the cries of the monster and the other boy spurred him onwards. To the right, forward, left… Deeper towards the larger trees of the woods and away from the camp where his safety was, where his mom was.

There was blood now, splashed and brushed across the tree trunks and leaf matter on the ground, getting thicker and darker the further he followed it. The other boy’s blood. His /brother’s/ blood.

He knew he wasn’t supposed to know it, not just yet - he knew that his mom and dad (his real dad, not Dylan’s dad) had thought about telling him, were going to tell him one day ever since he’d known his sister wasn’t quite fully human but had never quite known when. He knew he was just supposed to look at Dylan’s father, William, and think he was just like Uncle Dean and Uncle Sam - another hunter that was part of the weird, mish-mashed family. He wasn’t supposed to have notice how Dylan’s hair and eyes matched his own, he wasn’t supposed to have noticed the way he was growing, getting taller by the day beyond both his parents, he wasn’t supposed to notice the way the hunter’s eyes would occasionally stay a little too long after his mother’s movements after a few too many beers. Billy wasn’t supposed to know these things, but he didn’t mind not being told yet. They would get to it one day.

Thrashing after the sounds, he finally catches up to the creature and it’s prey. The monster had one talon wrapped around the young teen’s ankles, his body flopping in its grasp as Dylan’s unconcious body swung in the breeze - blood both dripping directly from the wounds punctured through the front and back of his shoulders and rolling towards the ground down his arms, neck and head, staining his blond hair a dark copper and pooling altogether at the base of the tall pine tree. The four other talons, where a humans hands and other foot should be, were slowly climbing their way up the tree face as the creature’s wings furled in on themselves. As Billy broke through the tree line, its head spun around 180 degrees like the owl it took after to screech at him and blink its unnaturally wide eyes at him.

“Hey! Fuckface! Let go of him you psychopathic, bird for brains!” The words and tone held more bravado than Billy felt at the moment, his knees were shaking within his flannel sleep pants as he tried to move closer without tripping over or dropping the unblinking gaze of the monster. Its feathers ruffled angrily as it gave another shriek, the sound echoed through the mostly quiet woods. “That doesn’t seem like you’re listenin’ to me, you devil spawn reject!”

Billy racked his brain for what the case file had said, the notes jotted about the place, the printed pages on pages his mom had given them both to study but both boys had focussed more on their dinner and the good time they were having than reading the words. Jo would be there the entire time to keep them safe. She knew it all and they would be okay.

The monster shuddered, wings rippling in a mix of pain and anger as it began to move down the tree towards him, beady eyes fixated on him as it swung the younger boy around a little. “Cursin’! You don’t like cursin’ do you, you fucking bird bitch!” That part sprang to his mind as Billy moved closer still, hands tightening and loosening on his gun as he finally dropped his gaze to the shiny metal. Jo had brought them along for a reason, she always lectured about travelling smart and taking what you will need over what looks good. “So it’s cursing and guns? That’s all I’ve got to take you bug-breathed godforsaken monster out? Sounds like fun then..” He gave a discontented sigh as he cocked the shotgun and turned his attention back to the monster that had finally returned to the ground, though continued to dangle Dylan before it like a human shield.

It felt had to breathe for him, fingers shaking and knees only holding him up as he’d locked them into place, as he lifted the gun to his shoulder and tried to look down the sight towards the monster that was screeching and hissing at the both of them. He didn’t trust himself to be able to kill it in the four rounds in the chamber- three as a violent shake found his finger pulling before he was truly ready and missing the monster by a foot. If he didn’t know better, Billy would have thought it was laughing at him.

“Calm breaths. Remember what Granddad Bill says..” The light haired teen gave a shaky breath out and in again as the monster moved closer, the blood coming slower on its path now which worried Billy a lot. He turned to get a proper footing, positioning himself like his granddad would show him to with his feet turned and the front pointing at the beast. The gun felt more natural in his arms now as he stared down the barrel and lined it up. The second shot grazed its shoulder and Billy gave a whoop of joy. “Ain’t no human-killing sons of bitches goin’ to hurt my family, especially not some pathetic bird-witch bitch.” He growled the words out as intimidatingly as possible in response to the owl-witch’s screech, though he didn’t think it was really all that intimidating coming from a scared teenage boy.

His finger was on the trigger, his eyes locked onto the creature and carefully judging where it held Dylan and just when to shoot as its wings beat the air. A bird about to take flight. About to snatch away another victim to add to the other’s disappearing from the area. About to take off with his brother when he should be taking care of him.

It sprang into the air for all of a moment, the talon holding onto the boy’s ankles lowered for a moment as it soared upwards before the bullet found its way into the monsters heart and into the rib behind it. That was as far as it got before Billy brought it down, a gentle release of air from his lungs in time as he lowered the gun and the bird-creature and Dylan crumpled to the ground.

He ran to the other’s aid, still knocked out and paler in the dull moonlight as the fog dissipated, but shallow breaths came from the other boy’s mouth. Billy gave a relieved sigh and turned to the monster, shooting the final bullet into its skull before he shoved the gun over his shoulder and bent to lift Dylan over his shoulder as well. At least he had a handful of inches over the other and the boy was as weedy as he was, otherwise Billy might have had trouble lifting him.

It was like a more horrifying trail of breadcrumbs to follow the sticky dark blood path back towards the camp, and Billy could feel it starting to seep into the fabric of his shirt from the other’s wounds as he tried to navigate his way back, jostling the younger boy as little as possible. But what led him back also led his mom to him, and the look of relief and horror on her face as she sprinted through the trees to meet them halfway - gun over her shoulder, rope in hand and a flask of holy water visible behind her bra strap and tank-top.

They worked together to get Dylan back to camp and tucked into his sleeping bag with sterile pads and bandages to stem the bleeding that remained as he had woken up for a moment before nodding off again, at which point both Harvelle’s returned to the logs beside the dead fire rather than even consider sleeping.

Billy scratched at the drying blood on the back of his neck, looking sheepishly across at his mother as she prodded the embers with her hunting knife. “So, uh…. how much of this are we telling dad? And Uncle William?”

“Absolutely none of it.” Jo replied as she flicked a piece of ash upwards on her knifes edge before letting it fall back before she finally looked back at him. If he didn’t know her so well, he might have thought he was in trouble; but the twitch of a smirk and the small nod of approval he got before the lecture started was enough to make him feel warm all the way to his finger tips and toes despite the cold of the night. He’d done well, at least for a first time.

#4 - Color Theory: Jo Paints A Room

The amount of colors she’d considered and tested on the walls had slowly been transforming the entire house as the blonde haired hunter continued to seek out the right one. The blues were either too dark or too boyish, the yellows made her feel ill or like she was in a hospital ward, and Jo’d sworn before even finding out the sex of the little ball of cells steadily growing inside her that there was no way on earth she was painting a room pink.

The dark blue she’d tried out the week before in the soon-to-be nursery was now adorning their bedroom door and the wall behind the bed-head in a way that made her smirk to think about the next round of updates she’d do after she finally pushed the watermelon sized parasite growing inside her out of her stomach. Or the baby, as Grey begged that everyone call it after one of the visiting shadows called it their meat bun. Jo persisted to come up with ludicrous terms after he swore to throw the next to say something other than baby out of the house, much to his chagrin.

Brushing a few fly-aways back from her sweaty forehead as she stepped back to take in the light mint green she’d decided to try next, Jo considered the color with a mix of uncertainty and distress. Grey would be much better at doing this, he’d have picked the right shade the very first time and they’d be onto refurbishing the cheap wooden crib she’d found at a junk sale a few weeks back by now. He’d have not left quite so many splotches of paint on the laid down sheets either. But the task of getting ready had fallen to Jo, and she was a little happy for the idea though as her chances for getting out of the house /working/ disappeared right around the time she began waddling at the start of her sixth month - before that it had only been in teams that the shadow would let her out of his sight as it was.

Grey should have been the one doing it, but it was mid-morning on a work day and Jo’d chased him off to work with the promise that she’d stop if she felt ill and take a nap before he got home.

The pair had been working together since they found out on preparing the house, finding the items desperately needed from the suggestions from magazines and then what Jo’s mother gave them after they finally told others about the future Harvelle to come. But then the idea of raising a child on stolen items, credit card fraud and an unstable lifestyle had caught up to the shadow. Or at least that’s what he’d told Bobby and Jo when he presented the idea to them. (“Our kid shouldn’t be provided for by mail-based credit cards with phoney names! I want to /provide/ for my family, Jo, I want to make some sort of stability for our baby.”) It’d barely taken two days for the older hunter to come up with at least some paperwork, using much of the history of the shadow’s now seemingly-permanent body to work on cut down the efforts, and using his own skills Grey had found a job at the nearest high school within a week. The previous art teacher seemed to have spontaneously decided to give up teaching and try her hand at breaking into the art world herself, so there was a brand new opening there.

It had felt nice the first morning they’d gotten up and Jo’d sent him off with a kiss and promise to be well behaved and only look over files that day. Since then the morning sickness had returned and they were lucky if he could wake her up for a goodbye kiss from her side of the bed before she had to dash to the bathroom; though Grey never seemed phased and obviously enjoyed what she thought must be one of the most under appreciated jobs ever. Or at least ones that actually got paid, considering how few times she’d find herself getting thanked for her own hard work before she blew up to the size of a whale.

Which is how, despite taking three times as long to do anything, having to waddle her way to the toilet every half an hour with the weight on her bladder and the seemingly non-stop kicking against her insides, Jo found herself bored and determined to make over the room that had once been Grey’s bedroom all those years earlier into a nursery for their little boy - not that the other knew that was the case. Blue satin, blue mist, berry pie, summer waters, sunbound, pale canary, cowardly custard.. The walls had looked like a beach or bright summers day as she changed her mind over and over, nothing looking quite right to her for them to bring a little boy home to.

Stepping back and dropping her hand down to rub across her swollen belly, Jo tilts her head, just looking at the pale green paint barely covering the bright yellow of the disturbingly named ‘fluffy duckling’ that had made her want to tear her eyes out after painting the one wall and gotten right onto picking the next color to try. Blinking her eyes a few times, she rubs her thumb over her shirt - not quite sold on the pastel mint shade just yet. It felt soft and peaceful but she couldn’t quite tell if that was the color talking or the lack of abrasively bright yellow.

Tossing down the paint roller into the tray, wincing as a little bit of the paint splashes up onto the wall and her baggy sweatpants, Jo shuffles back and out of the room towards the bathroom as the scent of the paint catches up to her once again.

“Fu..ckin’ baby, you fuckin’ little shit can’t even let me finish your bedroom, huh?” Cursing to herself quietly, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Jo gets to her feet slowly and shakily. Flushing the toilet as she washes her hands, scrubbing some of the green paint from her skin, the hunter lets out an exhausted laugh as she feels a gentle kick. “You’re enjoying yourself far too much in there, Billy-baby, you won’t know what to do with yourself out in this big wide world. Big scary world, full of scary things that will make your kickin’ seem like babys play.”

Pressing gently back at the next kick, Jo checks herself before moving back towards the room. “Should start calling it a nursery for you, right? Billy’s room, or maybe Panic Room 2.0.. Bet your daddy’d kill me for that.” Leaning against the doorway, looking in at the bare walls and worn carpet for a long moment before closing her eyes, she absently rubs circles around where she can still feel the baby kicking, like he could fight his way out already ready to take on the world. Grey’d always look in awe when she’d shift in pain or discomfort from the small blows, hands going straight to her regardless of where they were, and make some comment about just how much of her was already in there.

He was also the one who tried to encourage Jo to talk aloud, about anything or everything, to familiarise their voices. He’d talk softly against her belly, lips brushing skin gently, each night and each morning to say goodnight or goodbye. Sometimes he’d talk so quietly she couldn’t quite make out the words herself but she could still feel it, and would laugh if the baby threw a punch or a kick at whatever the shadow said. She lets out a small, amused sigh just thinking about it as she tries to mentally place the rest of the furniture, the rest of the colors and items they needed, around the room and the light mint walls.

Grey was the one who’d be able to tell her if the choice would be good or bad for the baby, he was the one who seemingly read every little piece of information he could and follow the best guides possible. He’d been the one to throw out all of Jo’s processed snack foods and replaced them with sweet potato chips and walnuts. He’d been the one to start cutting back the amount of bacon and fried foods as well, though at least the amount of red meat increased to make up for it after Jo swore at him straight for an hour about not having any bacon with her pancakes. Pregnancy hormones, good for her or not, she wasn’t going following his suggestion to have only organic food either; and after a week of begging for peanut butter and hot dogs, Grey finally gave in to it as well.

“Your daddy is a damn know-it-all, you know that kid? He’s going to make me look like a total idiot trying to look after you.” Letting out a sigh and resting her head against the door frame, Jo glances up at the paint work frowning a little to herself. “But don’t you worry, little meat bun, mommy’ll teach you how to take care of yourself when you’re older. And then you’ll make both mommy and daddy look like idiots, am I right?”

“You’re so, so right.” The voice surprises her for a moment as arms wrap around her stomach from behind and warm lips press against her neck. Turning her head to the side for him, Jo presses back tightly against the other as she frowns a little and opens her mouth to speak, though Grey quickly interrupts her. “The staff meeting ended early, thought I’d surprise you.”

“Surprise indeed..” Smiling faintly, Jo tangles her fingers through his before using one joined hand to point to the painted wall. “What do you think of the green? It’s not too… stupid?”

She could even feel his chuckle against her back, smile widening as he brushes her sweaty hair back and cuddles closer to her. “It’s perfect, Jo. Not stupid at all. Looks just like a nursery should.” Jo turns to look up at him, letting out a tired yawn as she remembers she forgot to nap like she promised /yet again/ and the shadow gave her a knowing grin. “Just like our baby’s nursery should, /mommy/, now put away the paint brushes and you’ll have plenty of time to show our little 'parasite’ when they get out so come rest now. Know-it-all says so.” Tugging on her hand, and pulling the door shut on the green nursery, he leads her away towards their bedroom instead.

#5 - Not Canon Any Longer Fi Feels Fic Based Back When Gray/Anna Existed With Evil Twins In Kidverse Which No Longer Is A thing

On the outside it seemed like a normal Thursday night dinner, or at least normal for the night before Jo would head off on a hunt the next morning. Dinner was served, their son would beg her to come along and then spend the rest of the meal asking everything he could think about whatever the case was (“So what is it?” “Just a shifter, Billy.” “How do you know?” “Grandpa Bobby got me some surveillance footage and -” “Its eyes glow!” “Right!”), their daughter would slowly finish her meal and try to  see as much of her mother before she left, and him? He’d bite down the gnawing feeling that this might be the case that his wife didn’t come home from, the worry of how he’d care for the kids, the desire to follow along just to make sure nothing happened; while helping Fiona cut up her dinner and smile as much as he could each time Jo’d catch his eye.

Billy still asked to go along, he still asked questions as much as possible. Jo still answered and laughed and gave him discrete looks - somewhere between pride at their boy and excitement at the coming hunt. And he still helped Fiona with her food and smiled back at Jo. The one difference was in their daughter - rushing as quickly as possible, faster than Grey could assist even, and excusing herself to bed before what the monster was doing had even gotten explained in full.

Neither mother or son seemed to notice anything off, Jo promising to come in and tuck her into bed and see her off to school in the morning while Billy just reached over for the few fries left behind on her plate, though he did. There was something seriously off and cleaning up his dishes and waving off the curious look from his partner he headed upstairs slowly, not sure what to expect at all.

Reaching the little girl’s door Grey had to stop, the periwinkle painted name across white wood not holding back the swirl of emotions from behind it that worried him. His control had recovered, thankfully by the time Jo was carrying their daughter after the slight set back he tried not to think over, but it still worried him to feel such mix and strength from his little girl. Fiona wasn’t yet seven and it just made the monster’s heart twist tighter to think something bad enough had happened to cause such pain.

Pushing the door open and closing it quietly behind him, the shadow moved towards the bed that contained the quietly sobbing child. She obviously hadn’t heard the latch opening or shutting as she curled in on herself, arms wrapped tightly around her knees against her chest and her face tucked in against her shaking legs. There was a sharp familiarity in the gesture, or at least Grey thought so as he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to rub her shoulder. “Fi… Fi, what’s the matter? You usually stick around until you’re sent to bed when your mom’s got a trip.”

Her response was a garbled comment, half smothered by her knees while the rest was choked up from tears. The way his young daughter had twisted towards him at the touch to her back was better than her jerking away, blocking out the idea that she was angry about something at least. As Fiona twisted towards him at the touch, he couldn’t help but feel his worry spiking. The last time the little girl had been this upset had been a few months earlier after the small group of friends she’d been able to make in her first semester at school seemed to turn their back on her after the break. Grey couldn’t help but hope it wouldn’t be the same or even worse, as he had never been quite sure what to do about that and she’d never mentioned it again (though she hadn’t spoken of any of the friends recently either).

“I didn’t catch that, Fi.. How about you sit up and tell dad what’s wrong?” Grey rubbed slow, comforting circles across her back as the girl’s shoulders shaking slowed as her tears finally stopped. There was a long pause, where the only difference the shadow could feel was a slight rush of embarrassment and an unidentifable sinking feeling, before the dark haired girl pushed herself shakily up. The second she was upright, he was brushing back her hair and stroking a thumb gently across her wet cheeks. “There now, what’s got you all upset?”

“I.. she doesn’t… she doesn’t love me, daddy.” It was choked out in a gasp, dark brown eyes like her mother’s staring up at him with more pain than he thought she should ever have to feel. What she said made no sense, Grey couldn’t tell who Fiona was talking about or why she’d feel like someone didn’t, though as he continued to rub her back the young girl let out another garbled cry and added through her tears, “She didn’t want me.. Auntie Ombre said something that- She..she never wanted me, and I’m..I’m all wrong. Something’s wrong with me, and I can’t fix it, and she won’t love me if I don’t, and I-”

The second she said it it all clicked, and as Fiona collapsed into tears again there was a dark moment when his mind trailed to what he wanted to do to anyone who suggested such a thing to his daughter. It didn’t surprise him to hear that his sister had made a faus paux like that, it wouldn’t have been surprising to anyone at all - especially not those who had been around his now-wife during both her pregnancies. Grey’d been worried for a few moments when he’d first realised there was something else inside Jo growing and she’d acknowledged it too that she wouldn’t go through with it, that it wasn’t just marriage that would have been off the table between the two of them at the time but also children; though even though he knew the thought of ending things early had gone through her mind, that she’d not was the second he knew she loved each of their children more than anything else in the world. He never questioned it once since then, even as those around the pair would - during the horrible months that were the pregnancies, the almost crippling depression after and her refusal to give up hunting - but that someone had voiced the opinion and it got back to his daughter was something Grey’d never considered and made him see red with the desire to destroy them for such a suggestion.

There was a long pause before Grey spoke at all, the only sound between the pair were the strangled sobs and laboured breathing of the little girl. And then he spoke, in the same soothingly gentle voice he’d get when reading her her bedtime story, as though explaining away her fears and worries was like her favourite tale of Tumbelina. “Grace’s dad might think that, Fi, but nothing - nothing at all - could be further from the truth. She might be brash, and she might not be able to always understand you and how you’re not her. She might shout and yell sometimes, and she might leave us all the time to chase down the next bad thing on the other side of the country. Your mommy might not be like the other girls’ in your class’ moms, but she will always love you.”

Fiona didn’t look at all convinced, a shake of her head sealing how disbelieving she was of his comments even as tears began to spring again and she sniffed repeatedly, trying to breathe through her nose. “But.. she doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like me, and what I like..and she loves Billy most. Billy’s just right. ..he’s..he’s always going to be first, and she doesn’t..she doesn’t love me like that, daddy, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” She rubbed at her nose with her hand fisted within her sleeve as her next round of tears began to fall. “I.. I don’t know how to be..what she wants..”

He wasn’t sure what to do as she started to cry again, the tight feeling in his chest twisted harder and harder with every shake of his daughter’s shoulders until it felt like someone was burning him through with iron each time. The problem wasn’t that she was right, Grey knew just how wrong that assumption was from how every time Jo was away on a longer hunt the first person she’d ask to talk to on the phone would be her daughter; to the nights Grey’d wake up to an empty bed while Fiona grew to find Jo, even in her post-partum depression, singing a vacant sounding lullaby as their daughter slept and jotting down ideas for helping her through whatever extra changes she’d have.

Of course no one but him would see those things, and he even doubted his hunter was aware he’d noticed any of them let alone recognised them herself, and the growing bond between mother and son as both their children grew had been something Grey knew would happen as Billy became more and more like his mother and grandfather while Fiona grew further and further away from what anyone would expect the daughter of Jo Harvelle to be like. She was more like her aunt than anyone else, and while mother and daughter somehow were echoing the misunderstanding and fears of the elder’s own childhood - he couldn’t help but feel closer in understanding for his daughter, the way he knew his wife couldn’t help it with her son. But where as Grey’d never pulled away from his son despite Billy’s current attempts to distance himself and the painful position the pair were in; the same couldn’t be said for mother and daughter, where the elder would try but pull back for fear of forcing herself onto the little girl and building resentment like she held for her own mother.

But trying to explain this - that Fiona’s fearless mother was scared of her daughter hating her as the reason why the little girl was sitting there crying right now seemed almost impossible to do. But nobody could claim that when it came to his children that the shadow didn’t try. Grey brushed back her hair again, fingers soothing as the brunette’s tears receded, before he spoke gently. “You’re perfect the way you are, kit, you are who you’re supposed to be. And she will never, ever want you to change yourself in order to be something you’re not for someone else. Not even her.”

He comfortingly rubbed his hands across her shoulders as Fiona curled up against his side, staring at him in a mix of confusion and hope as he continued to speak. “Mommy and Billy might have more in common, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or that she loves him more. You’re everything she never was, Fiona, and she’s just as worried and scared by that as you are - but you don’t love her any less do you?" The words weren’t even out of his mouth before she was shaking her head, top of her head tucked tightly in the hollow of his neck as the tears slowed further. "And the same goes for mommy, she loves you. Just as much as you do her, and she does Billy.”

Grey could hear the faint sounds of Jo and Billy cleaning up downstairs a few minutes later when he realised that his little girl had cried herself out and exhausted herself completely, having taken the silence and soft puffs of air to be her calming down before figuring out she’d fallen asleep in his arms as her worries were subsided for the time being. He was certain this wasn’t the last discussion like this he’d be having; the fears and insecurity of the two most important women in his life almost guaranteeing that. As the light footsteps up the stairs indicated his son had been sent up to bed, Grey lifted the sleeping child as gently as possible before setting her back under her covers. “Never doubt that your parents love you, Fiona..” He spoke quietly, certain that if nothing else he’d never let her feel like she was unloved and promising that to himself as he pressed a goodnight kiss to her forehead and shut the door behind him, before the shadow headed downstairs with a lot more on his mind than the usual worries prior to a hunt.

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[gaarfielf]

my list of lupin movies ive watched for the sake of keeping track and making sure i dont rewatch some

Castle of Cagliostro (10)

favourite Lupin movie of all time. Fantastic art, cast, plot, everything.

Blood Seal: Eternal Mermaid (8.5)

Really good animation and really interesting plot. Another ‘Lupin has to babysit’ movie but it was treated in such a way that set it apart from other ones. He gives her a lot of good advice and overall I really enjoyed this one even if it’s kind of underrated.

Burning Memory - Tokyo Crisis (8.5)

Surprisingly good like I wasn’t expecting a 90′s Lupin movie to come for me like this but the animation is really solid and the movie itself was really funny. I also liked that Maria and Zenigata weren’t a thing like that cleared my pores.

The Bloodspray of Ishikawa Goemon (8)

The animation is fucking stellar but there were odd gaps in the movie that were really inactive. I liked the two subplots going on though like they were both interesting.

Bye Bye Lady Liberty (8)

The classic convoluted subplots worked well here tbh and the Goemon romance stuff was gunshot noise gunshot noise cash register noise. The animation had this weird glow to it but it was (almost) the 90s lol

Hemingway Papers (8)

They really got me with Goemon and Jigen going against each other and Lupin being in a relationship with someone aside from Fujiko (a relationship that was genuinely romantic) was actually pretty well done. That whole bit at the end with the karaoke machine? Amazing

Return the Treasure (7)

Another one that was really close to being perfect. The only loose ends was that the “treasure” wasn’t really explained very well (but i mean, the lead up to it was very good) and i could’ve done with more scenes with the whole gang (it seemed like there was a lot of times where it was lupin jigen and fujiko or lupin goemon and fujiko, but not enough of all of them together)

From Siberia With Love (7) 

The usual amount of humour and action from a Lupin III film and the art is pretty standard. Goemon got a few nice quotes in and Fujiko talked to a woman. Could’ve done without Rasputin but thats just me.

Elusiveness of the Fog (7)

Lupin offering Goemon to the princess was kinda funny and I actually really liked OG Mamo (not the short freak) being revitilized bc his episode in the original series was really entertaining. The history of where they were was a little wonky but I’ll give it to them this time.

Pilot Film (7)

That shit was wild i liked how jigen was introduced as the gunman and then beat the shit out of 3 police officers with his bare hands. also goemon i guess dedicates his life to killing lupin so thats fun, like he’s on zenigata’s side i guess. could’ve done with fujiko making an expression at any given time but yknow what? it was funny and it was only 12 minutes long

Another Page (7)

Surprisingly not that bad. To summarize the film as a whole I’d say: it could have been worse. The plot made sense which is more than i can say about most lupin movies and they stuck to two subplots that were both interesting and meshed pretty good by the end. And the two lady characters that got introduced didn’t betray anybody AND didn’t die.

Farewell to Nostradamus (6.5)

The animation was pretty good and I liked the whole ‘we gotta protect this kid’ thing but I always mix up this one and Bye Bye Liberty Crisis like this movie is it’s less interesting twin. Both of them have kids they need to protect but Bye Bye Liberty Crisis was just better. I feel like this one had a really good ending but aside from that the movie wasn’t that memorable for me.

Fuma Conspiracy (6.5)

i liked Goemon being in a relationship bc it was really sweet, i just wish there wouldve been a better balance of romance to plot. Also terrible voice actors but that just affected my enjoyment not really the plot or anything relevant.

Sweet Lost Night (6)

I like time shenanigans and my only two critiques are the inconsistent art quality and they seemed really hesitant to embrace time skipping. Like “he’s limited to twice before he becomes brain dead” was a little bit of a small window. If anything they missed out on a good opportunity for a classic lupin montage of him time skipping way too often. Maybe if they changed it to “you skip time every 12 hours, to every 6 hours, to every 3 hours, etc” until he stops existing?? like that seems more in line with a lupin plot not to mention a little more suspenseful.

Dead or Alive (6)

The new art style is kind of neat and didn’t really affect the personality of the characters like I thought it would. The plot itself was complicated and hard to follow but I mean, it wasn’t awful. Nothing I really hated and nothing I loved.

Jigen Daisuke’s Gravestone (6)

Handsome Jigen was cool but tcm i’m begging you to drink your Respect Women Juice. Also Goemon wasn’t in this one what the fuck was up with that. Lupin looked like a crispy toenail in the new art style but again the animation is gucci so I can’t really complain on that front.

Napoleon's Dictionary (6)

Reminded me a lot of Mamo except with more respect in women. Just kidding Fujiko was kind of a crapshoot in the end and the ending was more or less just. cut off?? like they crashed into the ocean after lupin ruined zenigatas marriage and the credits started rolling. it was weird bc it had a lot going but i guess they ran out of time for a proper ending?

Mystery of Mamo (6)

Respect Women Juice needed and also why was Goemon purple. The pros to this movie was the overall aesthetic being really attractive BUT the plot was sketchy and didn’t make a lot of sense. The only remarkable scene I remember is Jigen shooting the can by Lupin’s feet like I wish that emotion would’ve carried through the film and not ended there.

Red vs Green (5)

Really good animation, no fucking idea what happened in this film.

Walther P-38: Island of Assassins (5)

They missed an opportunity to be a little more psychological and the lady of the week dying was meh but I will say the plot stayed on course like they didnt try to do too much at once like they tend to do. I wish they would’ve delved more into lupin’s past with the doctor because that seemed kind of random but the more lethal, edgy plot was handled decently. I’ll probably forget this one in a week tbh.

Dragon of Doom (5)

I like learning more about Goemon but his girlfriend was really distracting and uneccessary. Like, if you want to introduce Goemon’s childhood friend sure its whatever but she only showed up to either threaten lupin or flirt with Goemon. And it was very obvious she was going to betray him so all her build up was pointless. I will say though, the plot was pretty cool which was surprising.

Voyage to Danger (4)

tcm I’m begging you to let Jigen talk to a woman and not have it be like ‘this is Jigens girlfriend now’. Sometimes women be talking and they aren’t thirsting for a man triple their age. It just be like that sometimes. Thats literally all I remember about this film.

First Contact (4)

I remember being excited for this like ‘oh wow their first ever meeting’ and i s2g this film was boring. And also a giant plothole. With no real redeeming qualities. I don’t even remember the animation being that good.

Columbus Files (4)

This film was at least funny bad but my hand to god I’d never watch it again. This is the first time I’ve ever watched a movie and had to watch the dub bc the sub was boring me to death. It was just... so bad... Especially when you’ve seen Wings of Death like this ain’t the Fujiko I know please leave.

Seven Days Rhapsody (3)

The comedy in this one was so weirdly incorporated and featured another really good ‘here’s Jigen’s dead girlfriend’ that i just could not care less about and then finished off with this what like 13 year old girl asking to be Lupin’s girlfriend? fuck outta here. The ONLY good part was Goemon slapping Lupin across the face.

Alcatraz Connection (2.5)

Really, really boring. The content wasn’t necessarily bad but they had 4 subplots going on that were equally uninteresting and some scenes went on for so so so long. It deadass took me 5 hours to watch this movie bc i kept pausing to do literally anything else. The art was unpleasant and by the time they got the treasure i didn’t really care anymore. Not to mention the plot was way too complicated and tin-foil hat for my liking.

Missed by a Dollar (2.5)

Made very little sense and in general was really annoying. Between Goemon being a born again Christian and the plot briefly derailing so Lupin could establish an oil company it was like can we pick something to focus on? By the end of the movie I was like wait when did they get the broach? What does the broach do again? And then he gives it to someone random and its like??

Gold of Babylon (2)

This one if the definition of being cursed and Pink Jacket deserved so much better than this nonsense. Like Lupin III isn’t known for its coherence, sure, but this movie had absolutely no structure. Upon finishing the film I was trying to remember anything that just happened and my brain refused. It kept the good cartoonish animation but god at what cost.

Angel Tactics (2)

TCM PLEASE DRINK YOUR RESPECT WOMEN JUICE. The art was just. Stunningly bad. Bad to the degree where about a minute thirty in I already regretted starting it. Not to mention the classic “we don’t actually wanna draw this part so we’re gonna jam cgi in here”. Also the most awkward use of “hey heres 3 women hey heres 3 men lets shove them together”.

Harimao’s Treasure (2)

nazis and transphobia which was extremely unfortunate considering the opening was actually one of the stronger ones I’ve seen from Lupin but immediately after the villain was introduced the quality of the film dropped about 90% and i wanted to die for the entire last half of the film. if they had changed the villain it would’ve solved 90 of their problems.

Twilight Gemini (2)

this was one of the only films in the entire lupin series where i was rooting for lupin to fucking perish. not only was goemon only in this film for 26 seconds, jigen was there for about 30 seconds and im not entirely sure if fujiko was there at all. not to be that guy but when they make lupin to be the most intolerable piece of shit in the world for this movie, don’t give him all the screen time. having to stare at this asshole for an hour and a half was exhausting.

Princess of the Breeze (2)

How a movie where Jigen has to carry a baby around in one of those funny baby-carriers turned out this fucking goddawful I have no explanation for. This movie was like an AU where all these other characters no one cares about happen to exist in the same universe as lupin. and when lupin does show up, i want him dead. Just horrifically boring and lazy art mixed with bad cgi. The only upside is that it isn’t Return of the Magician.

Return of the Magician (1)

I’m giving it a 1 on the principle that this wasn’t even a movie. It was a little less than an hour long and my god i’ve never seen a film so full of pad-time that if i can be so bold, there was more pad time than plot. What little plot they had made absolutely no sense and the art used cgi in the most bizarre and ugly ways. i’m pretty sure the credits played twice at the end. if there was a world record for lowest budget in a film, Return of the Magician would win hands down.

[okwilliamson]

asks 08/17

sun: what makes you feel like you?   - my makeup makes me feel like myself along with my rings i wear on my hand and my loud laugh 

moon: do you have problem with trust? - i actually really do I am so trusting of others and will assume everyone has good intentions but i wont let them know me i hate being vulnerable 

rising: how/what do people say you come off as? - im loud and sometimes obnoxious but i think people see me as a stand alone person, i think people see and understand my confidence 

midheaven: what do you want to be when you grow up? - im not sure, financially stable and happy thats really it 

venus: do you flirt more knowingly or unknowingly? - knowingly. if i want someone i make it very plain lol 

mars: when was the last time you got mad and why? - i ger mad like every day at work but only for a minute or two and i think the last time i was actually mad was when bae just blew me off for a couple days and that was really more of a sad mad lol 

mercury: who's your go-to person when you need to talk? - claudia and sydney 

jupiter: when was the last time you got lucky? - i dont really think luck has ever been on my side 

saturn: what are you the weakest and strongest at? - weakest at self motivating, strongest in motivating others lol 

uranus: are you rebellious and do you act upon it frequently? - no im not really a rebel in any sense of the word, i mostly follow the rules that are set in place for any occasion 

neptune: what was your best dream and why? - wow i dont think i really know what my best dream ever was...maybe it hasnt happened yet 

pluto: what is your biggest aspiration and why? - i would say to be in a career whatever that may be where it doesnt feel like im dreading to work, i hope to enjoy whatever it is i do 

lilith: what's your biggest turn on in someone? - humor, the way they talk, confidence i guess, physically as long as you got some nice lips and are taller than me we can probs make something work 

aries: what's your favorite sport to play? - i do not play sports like at all 

taurus: are you a dog or cat person?  - i really like both, but if i had to choose i would choose dogs i think bc they are like ur bff and cats kinda dont give a fuck about anything 

gemini: are you introverted or extroverted? - introverted for sure 

cancer: when was the last time you cried and why? - i think the last time i cried was when bae was ignoring me and i was watching her because i was already sad so i was like lets make this worse lol 

leo: what makes you the most confident?- when my makeup is done super well, when i look good and feel comfy in  my clothes and when im gonna fuck someone and i know they really want me 

virgo: what's your strongest subject in school?- academic was always english but art was always my strong suit 

libra: what's your favorite make up brand?- omfg i have so many but probably jeffree star?

scorpio: what's your most kept secret? - ummm how im really feeling i only really tell sydney my like actual deep dark shit bc she gets it & cla too 

sagittarius: do you like to party? - i do like to party and i love to kiss boys after they drink beer and their mouth tastes like beer lol 

capricorn: what's the last book you've read? - maybe perks, or Sula 

aquarius: do you believe in aliens? - of course theres just no way humans are the only thing to exist in this world 

pisces: how frequently do you remember your dream? - like maybe once a week not very often honestly 

[littlepuddingsugg]

Rumors

Request: Y/N is scared that the rumors of Joe dating a celebrity are true.

You and Joe had been in that hazy state of being friends but also being a little more than friends for a while now. The two of you hit it off rather nicely when you first met and your feeling for him only increased the more you hung out with him. But with him being in the social media spotlight 24/7 and also being busy, a relationship, you thought, would be too much for the both of you. Well theres that and another issue. 

Last summer, whilst scrolling through Twitter, you saw a few things about Joe trending. The trending links directed you to article after article about Joe having a summer fling with Little Mix’s singer Perrie Edwards. 

The boys had talked to Joe about this before and all Joe did was joke about he was finally able to pull a girl like Perrie Edwards. You knew that this wasn't even remotely true as you spent a majority of the summer with Joe and the boys, but you couldn't help but think that it just might be true. 

Joe was right. He’s a famous YouTuber and whether he admits it or not, he is in the public eye a lot. So hypothetically speaking, he could pull a girl like Perrie Edwards. 

You tossed your phone on the bed and threw your head back against the pillows. You had been scrolling through Twitter and once again, there was another article trending about Joe dating some celebrity. 

Your mind raced back to what Joe had said last summer and you let out a shaky breath. Obviously Joe’s fans would love to see him date another celebrity and not some girl who he met at a party. So why even try. 

Your eyes were burning with tears and you let one fall out just as your phone rang. Picking it back up, you saw Joe’s name across the screen. You sniffled and whipped your eyes before answering. 

“Hi” you said quietly.

“Y/N? You alright? You sound different.”

“No I’m fine. Whats up?”

“Can you come over and help me film? The boys are all busy and I need an extra hand. We can order dinner later” He asked, his voice going back to its cheery self.

“Um yeah, I can do that. I’ll be over in 15.″

“Thanks Y/N you're the best!”

You hung up the phone and tossed it back on your bed. Maybe its just best that you and Joe stayed friends. Recently he hasn't been his normal flirty self with you and you often thought if that would change if you happened to be some famous singer or movie actress or just another YouTuber. But you weren’t, you were Y/N Y/L/N. Just a girl who moved to London because she wanted to get out of the city she grew up in. A girl with an average job and an average flat, who happened to attend a party where a group of YouTuber’s who call themselves the Buttercream Squad had also been invited. A girl who had attracted the attention of one of the boys in said group that resulted in a rather good friendship with the rest of the boys. 

Now any normal person in this situation would probably be happy with being friends with these boys but you weren’t. Ever since that first conversation you had with Joe, you could've sworn that there was something between you two. But as the months went on, the constant flirting, being teased by the boys, and  phone calls/texts slowed. You rarely hung out with just Joe anymore or if you did, it would be that you were the last person available just like tonight. 

Maybe Joe had realized that he had been flirting with you and stepped back because thats not how he felt about you. Or that you’re not his type, aka someone famous.

As you shoved your shoes and coat on, you pushed all of these thoughts into the back of your head. You were going to help your friend film his video, order dinner and thats it. Nothing more. Thats what two friends do right?

After buzzing Joe’s door, you walked yourself into the elevator and let out a deep breath. You were honestly tired of this constant battle going on inside your mind. It was exhausting to think that you weren’t good enough for someone you had really strong feelings for. 

You walked out of the elevator and didn’t even jump when Joe jumped out from behind the corner making his weird noise he makes when he attempts to scare a person. 

You flashed Joe a small smile as he stood starting at you confused. 

“You alright?” He asked, watching you walk into his flat.

“Yeah just a lot on my mind”

“Must have since you didn't even flinch when you usually fall to the ground. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No its fine. Just stupid things. Lets go film your video.” You said walking into his spare bedroom. 

You helped Joe film his video which was a lot easier than it usually it. Usually the two of you would be laughing the whole time making him have to refilm parts over and over again but this time went pretty smoothly. You sat behind the camera mostly in silence, the thoughts you tried so hard to push away rushing back. 

“So what do you want to eat? We can order pizza, or we can go out somewhere. Doesn’t really matter to me.” Joe suggests after he finished his video. 

“Um I’m actually not that hungry to be honest. I think I might just head home” You said watching him remove the SD card from the camera and put it in his laptop. 

“Y/N whats wrong? This is not like you. Do you realized that you just turned down food? Free food at that because I was going to pay. You sat in silence the whole time I filmed which is very unusual because it normal takes us well over an hour to film. Please talk to me.” 

You were still sat on the ground, your eyes suddenly very amused by the way each strand was stitched together. 

“I told you I’ve just had a lot on my mind. It’s nothing really.”

“Bullshit” you jumped a little at his words. You lifted your gaze back up to him, watching as he came down and sat next to you on the ground. 

“Y/N please” he said placing a hand on your knee. 

Your eyebrows furrowed together as you looked down at his hand touching your leg. He slowly moved his hand away as he saw the unpleasant shift in your face. You let your head fall back against the wall with a thud and let out another deep breath. 

“Do you read your Twitter” you finally said after a long and uncomfortable silence. 

“..yes?” Joe said slowly, unsure of where you were going with this.

“Today, did you read the article about you having another fling with a celebrity?”

“Y/N is this what this is about? Because if it is, yes its a very stupid thing that we shouldn't even be discussion because I think if I did have a fling with a celebrity, I would've told you.”

“Would you though?” you asked, still not making eye contact with him.

“Would I tell you if I was dating a celebrity? Yes.”

“No, would you date a celebrity.” you said looking over at him. His face was scrunched up in confusion and you knew that this was probably the dumbest conversation you have ever had with someone. You wanted to just get up and leave but you’ve said too much for him to just forget this ever happened.

“Um, well thats a bit of a vague question don't you think?” He watched as your face shifted once more into a frown, your gaze going back to the carpet. 

“But no I wouldn’t. Celebrities have way too much to going on and so do I and it would just cause loads of problems don’t cha think?” He let out a small laugh that quickly faded after he realized we weren't laughing with him. 

“Y/N-?”

“What happened Joe?” You’re sudden question only left him even more confused. “What happened with us? We used to have fun together and laugh and talk for ages on the phone and we barely do that anymore.”

“I don’t know Y/N, you tell me. You've been so quiet all day and you’re not telling me much. I have no idea whats going on. I just called my friend who I haven't seen in a while because I’ve been busy and I'm sorry but I just wanted to hangout after we filmed the video but here I am sitting on the ground confused as hell.”

“UGH” you said getting up off the ground quickly and walking out of the room. 

“Y/N?!” he said grabbing your wrist, stopping you from walking further towards the door. 

You turned to look at him, the tears were streaming down your cheeks, making you feel even more embarrassed.

“Will you please just tell me what is going on. You know I’m not good in these types of situations and i’ve just come to the conclusion that I don't like to see you cry. So please, please tell me.” 

His face was soft and concerned. You let him pull you into a hug, you're tears staining his shirt. You pulled away and looking him in the eyes. 

“I like you Joe. I’ve liked you ever since you walked up to me at that party. And i thought you liked me too because our relationship was so flirty and care free and the boys would tease us about how cute we were and I thought we were cute because I thought we had something. But then there was the stupid Perrie Edwards article last summer and I remember you joking with the boys saying how you were finally able to pull a girl like her and thats been stuck in my brain ever since. We started slowly drifting apart, you being busy and all and our flirty conversations stopped and I only ever see you when were out with the boys or if you call because i’m the only one not busy. I’ve come to the realization after reading the other article today that you could be so much better than me and I feel like you realized that too...” You trailed the ending of your sentence off as you watched the frown form on Joe’s mouth. His eyes turned a shade bluer as the sorrow grew in them. 

You looked back down at the floor, realizing that wood floor was less appealing to look at before you felt a hand lift your chip up. You gaze met Joe’s for a split seconds before you felt his lips on yours. 

Everything inside of you exploded and when he pulled away you were speechless.

“The only thing I’ve realized Y/N is that I’m in love with you. It kind of scared me a little because I’ve never been in love before so I tired everything I could to slow down this rush I was feeling for you. But now a realize that that was a very bad decision on my part. I never meant to make you feel worthless because you're not. You’re prefect and beautiful and I’m sorry.” 

“Really?” was the only word your hazy brain could find.

“Yes” Joe laughed before pulling you into another hug. 

“I’m in love with you Y/N.”

“I’m in love with you too Joe.” You said looking up to kiss him again, you're head spinning once again. 

“Can we go get some food now that this is all sorted. I’m actually starving and I know you are too.” 

“Only if you pay” You joked before pulling him towards the front door, laughter filling the flat.

[qualkoesuce-blog]

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[asksansweredpdf]

These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police. 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car. 

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be.  i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives 

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living. 

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time.  weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else. 

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider. 

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

[samanthasroberts]

The Man Whose Penis Shrank Every Time He Told A Lie

Rex Clydesdale was feeling lucky. The dark and deathly cold South Dakota winter was creeping to an end. As he motored his wheezing pickup truck to his favorite bar while sunset crept over the flat horizon, he could see water dripping off the icicles hanging from the balconies above Main Street’sabandoned stores. The long thaw was coming.

Rex was not an attractive man by anyones standards. He stood only five-foot-five and was 120 pounds overweight, but his face was so plain and lumpy, hed still be considered undesirable even with an Olympic swimmers body. He wore a grimy baseball cap to mask his rapidly receding hairline and smelled vaguely of horse urine and sweet pickles. Due to his poor dietary choices, he was chronically constipated, which was beginning to give him back problems. While straining to defecate, hed fart loudly and unabashedly on the toiletso loud that the neighbors would often hear.

Rex had toiled for over 20 years as an inspector at one of the largest hay-production factories in the upper Midwest. Rex would scrutinizebales of hay to make sure they met minimum quality standards before allowing them to be shipped to farms all across the American heartland. Sometimes the hay was moldy or too dry, and hed have to reject it. If the hay was acceptable, Rex would fill out the bills of lading and instruct the workerssome of whom were undocumentedto load the trucks and send the hay on its way.

Like most males, Rex measured his penis throughout adolescence. It was actually a little longer than averagejust a touch over seven inchesbut as thin as a carrot. He could easily pierce a womans cervix with that length, but his lack of girth gave him plenty of breathing space on all sides. He could have intercourse with a woman without even touching her vaginal walls.

Rex was a chronic masturbatornot by choice, but by necessity. He had trouble recalling the last time a woman so much as smiled at him. He hadnt been laid in over fourteen years, but a small inner voice told him tonight would be the night.

The cigarette smoke in The Wishing Well was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Through wobblyspeakers, new country music blasted so loudly that you had to scream to hold a basic conversation. Yelling at the top of his lungs, Rex ordered a shot of whiskey and a mug of beer from Mitzi, a wizened female bartender whod worked there since Rex was a child. With his liquid courage in hand, he sat on a stool in front of his favorite video-game machine and began feeding it dollar bills.

After several games and several failures to reach the top levels, Rex noticed in the corner of his eye that a woman was seated on the stool next to his, lost in video games just like he was. He tried not to make it too obvious, but he shot her a glance every so often when he felt it was safe to do so. She was his female doppelgngergrossly overweight and with a face that was not only forgettable, one was to forget it. After assessing her to be a 3.4 on a scale of 10, Rex knew he had a chance with this woman.

Even though the woman clearly had no idea how to play the video game in question, Rex figured it would be counterproductive to break the ice with an insult.

Youre really good at that, he told her.

He suddenly felt a small jab in his crotch, almost as if hed been punched in the dick with a tiny fist.

Thanks, she said, turning to him and smiling. Her teeth were a dark yellowalmost brown.

My name is Rex, and I have to say, youre the prettiest woman Ive ever seen in this bar.

Again he felt a mild stabbing pain in his groin.

She smiled back at him. My name is Mary, but all my friends call me Kippy.

Mary? No kidding! Thats my favorite name!

Once more he felt as if someone had bitch-slapped him in his lap. Can I buy you a drink? he asked her.

That would be wonderful, she enthused. Ill have whatever youre having.

While flirting, Rex didnt realize that enemy alien spacecraft had pierced his force field, exploded all his attack planes, and destroyed his home base. GAME OVER. Well, let me go get us another round, he said winking, and when I get backmaybe we can take this to a private booth?

I would love that, Mary said.

Gimme two more whiskey shots and two beers, Rex told Mitzi. Heres ten dollars. Keep the change. Ill be right back. Gotta go to the bathroom. Like they say, you dont buy alcohol, you only rent it. Mitzi smiled politely and stuffed the ten-dollar bill into her ancient bra.

The bar bathroom reeked of pee and mothballs. Rex rushed into a stall, locked the door, unbuckled his belt, and opened his pants. To his extreme dismay, he noticed his penis looked substantially smaller than normal. He assured himself that it was merely a case of bad nerves. He couldnt remember the last time a woman allowed him to buy her a drink.

He zipped up, returned to the bar, grabbed the four drinks, and headed toward the dark booth in the far corner where Mary/Kippy awaited. She smiled as he approached.

To springtime! Rex said, clinking his shot glass against hers.

To springtime! she smiled, downing the shot in one gulp. So, Rex, what do you do for a living?

Me? I, uh, Im in the financial industry. Once more he felt a sharp punch straight to the cock.

Oh, thats nice. You must make a lot of money.

He mischievously smiled in the affirmative. More groin pain.

Im a greeter at the Walmart over in Mitchell near the Corn Palace, Mary said. Im divorced and live with my teenaged son. I just turned forty. How old are you?

How old am I? Im thirty-seven. He turned his head and winced. It felt as if a tiny demon was using his balls as punching bags.

Well, youre just a child compared to me, Mary said. Im part Scotch, part German, and part Sioux. My last name is Schmidtthats German. Whats your last name, Rex?

Clydesdale. Rex Clydesdale.

Clydesdale? Isnt that a horse?

Yep, Rex said, leaning in and feeling emboldened by the alcohols warm glow. And Im hung like one, too!

Then came the sharpest pain of all. This time he couldnt hide it. He yelped like a puppy that had been stepped on.

My goodness, are you OK? Mary asked.

Yeah, Rex said, lying yet again. He began to panic. Look, Maryor should I call you Kippy?

Youre my newest friend, so please call me Kippy.

Look, Kippy, my mother is ill, and I have to go home and check up on her.

You live with your mother?

Yes, but only until she dies. But Id like to hang out with you again. Maybe another Friday nightmaybe at your place?

That would be delightful, Kippy said. You can bring the alcohol, and maybe we can watch a movie. Do you like romantic comedies?

I LOVE romantic comedies, Rex said, grimacing from what felt like a boot kick to his family jewels. But Im very sorry that I have to leave. But you wouldnt want to hang out anyway with a man who neglected his mother, right?

Youre darn tootin I wouldnt, Kippy said, winking at him before guzzling the remainder of her beer.

You can look me up on FacebookRex Kevin Clydesdale. I look forward to hanging out with you again.

Me, too. And with that, Rex was gone.

When he arrived home, there was no mother who needed him. His mom had died years ago. That was yet another lie.

And when he stripped naked to shower off the shame and defeat, he noticed to his horror that he no longer had a penis, just a tiny nub where it once was.

It was then that he realized he had no more lies to tell.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-man-whose-penis-shrank-every-time-he-told-a-lie/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/11/02/the-man-whose-penis-shrank-every-time-he-told-a-lie/

[adambstingus]

The Man Whose Penis Shrank Every Time He Told A Lie

Rex Clydesdale was feeling lucky. The dark and deathly cold South Dakota winter was creeping to an end. As he motored his wheezing pickup truck to his favorite bar while sunset crept over the flat horizon, he could see water dripping off the icicles hanging from the balconies above Main Street’sabandoned stores. The long thaw was coming.

Rex was not an attractive man by anyones standards. He stood only five-foot-five and was 120 pounds overweight, but his face was so plain and lumpy, hed still be considered undesirable even with an Olympic swimmers body. He wore a grimy baseball cap to mask his rapidly receding hairline and smelled vaguely of horse urine and sweet pickles. Due to his poor dietary choices, he was chronically constipated, which was beginning to give him back problems. While straining to defecate, hed fart loudly and unabashedly on the toiletso loud that the neighbors would often hear.

Rex had toiled for over 20 years as an inspector at one of the largest hay-production factories in the upper Midwest. Rex would scrutinizebales of hay to make sure they met minimum quality standards before allowing them to be shipped to farms all across the American heartland. Sometimes the hay was moldy or too dry, and hed have to reject it. If the hay was acceptable, Rex would fill out the bills of lading and instruct the workerssome of whom were undocumentedto load the trucks and send the hay on its way.

Like most males, Rex measured his penis throughout adolescence. It was actually a little longer than averagejust a touch over seven inchesbut as thin as a carrot. He could easily pierce a womans cervix with that length, but his lack of girth gave him plenty of breathing space on all sides. He could have intercourse with a woman without even touching her vaginal walls.

Rex was a chronic masturbatornot by choice, but by necessity. He had trouble recalling the last time a woman so much as smiled at him. He hadnt been laid in over fourteen years, but a small inner voice told him tonight would be the night.

The cigarette smoke in The Wishing Well was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Through wobblyspeakers, new country music blasted so loudly that you had to scream to hold a basic conversation. Yelling at the top of his lungs, Rex ordered a shot of whiskey and a mug of beer from Mitzi, a wizened female bartender whod worked there since Rex was a child. With his liquid courage in hand, he sat on a stool in front of his favorite video-game machine and began feeding it dollar bills.

After several games and several failures to reach the top levels, Rex noticed in the corner of his eye that a woman was seated on the stool next to his, lost in video games just like he was. He tried not to make it too obvious, but he shot her a glance every so often when he felt it was safe to do so. She was his female doppelgngergrossly overweight and with a face that was not only forgettable, one was to forget it. After assessing her to be a 3.4 on a scale of 10, Rex knew he had a chance with this woman.

Even though the woman clearly had no idea how to play the video game in question, Rex figured it would be counterproductive to break the ice with an insult.

Youre really good at that, he told her.

He suddenly felt a small jab in his crotch, almost as if hed been punched in the dick with a tiny fist.

Thanks, she said, turning to him and smiling. Her teeth were a dark yellowalmost brown.

My name is Rex, and I have to say, youre the prettiest woman Ive ever seen in this bar.

Again he felt a mild stabbing pain in his groin.

She smiled back at him. My name is Mary, but all my friends call me Kippy.

Mary? No kidding! Thats my favorite name!

Once more he felt as if someone had bitch-slapped him in his lap. Can I buy you a drink? he asked her.

That would be wonderful, she enthused. Ill have whatever youre having.

While flirting, Rex didnt realize that enemy alien spacecraft had pierced his force field, exploded all his attack planes, and destroyed his home base. GAME OVER. Well, let me go get us another round, he said winking, and when I get backmaybe we can take this to a private booth?

I would love that, Mary said.

Gimme two more whiskey shots and two beers, Rex told Mitzi. Heres ten dollars. Keep the change. Ill be right back. Gotta go to the bathroom. Like they say, you dont buy alcohol, you only rent it. Mitzi smiled politely and stuffed the ten-dollar bill into her ancient bra.

The bar bathroom reeked of pee and mothballs. Rex rushed into a stall, locked the door, unbuckled his belt, and opened his pants. To his extreme dismay, he noticed his penis looked substantially smaller than normal. He assured himself that it was merely a case of bad nerves. He couldnt remember the last time a woman allowed him to buy her a drink.

He zipped up, returned to the bar, grabbed the four drinks, and headed toward the dark booth in the far corner where Mary/Kippy awaited. She smiled as he approached.

To springtime! Rex said, clinking his shot glass against hers.

To springtime! she smiled, downing the shot in one gulp. So, Rex, what do you do for a living?

Me? I, uh, Im in the financial industry. Once more he felt a sharp punch straight to the cock.

Oh, thats nice. You must make a lot of money.

He mischievously smiled in the affirmative. More groin pain.

Im a greeter at the Walmart over in Mitchell near the Corn Palace, Mary said. Im divorced and live with my teenaged son. I just turned forty. How old are you?

How old am I? Im thirty-seven. He turned his head and winced. It felt as if a tiny demon was using his balls as punching bags.

Well, youre just a child compared to me, Mary said. Im part Scotch, part German, and part Sioux. My last name is Schmidtthats German. Whats your last name, Rex?

Clydesdale. Rex Clydesdale.

Clydesdale? Isnt that a horse?

Yep, Rex said, leaning in and feeling emboldened by the alcohols warm glow. And Im hung like one, too!

Then came the sharpest pain of all. This time he couldnt hide it. He yelped like a puppy that had been stepped on.

My goodness, are you OK? Mary asked.

Yeah, Rex said, lying yet again. He began to panic. Look, Maryor should I call you Kippy?

Youre my newest friend, so please call me Kippy.

Look, Kippy, my mother is ill, and I have to go home and check up on her.

You live with your mother?

Yes, but only until she dies. But Id like to hang out with you again. Maybe another Friday nightmaybe at your place?

That would be delightful, Kippy said. You can bring the alcohol, and maybe we can watch a movie. Do you like romantic comedies?

I LOVE romantic comedies, Rex said, grimacing from what felt like a boot kick to his family jewels. But Im very sorry that I have to leave. But you wouldnt want to hang out anyway with a man who neglected his mother, right?

Youre darn tootin I wouldnt, Kippy said, winking at him before guzzling the remainder of her beer.

You can look me up on FacebookRex Kevin Clydesdale. I look forward to hanging out with you again.

Me, too. And with that, Rex was gone.

When he arrived home, there was no mother who needed him. His mom had died years ago. That was yet another lie.

And when he stripped naked to shower off the shame and defeat, he noticed to his horror that he no longer had a penis, just a tiny nub where it once was.

It was then that he realized he had no more lies to tell.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-man-whose-penis-shrank-every-time-he-told-a-lie/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/179699479777

[allofbeercom]

The Man Whose Penis Shrank Every Time He Told A Lie

Rex Clydesdale was feeling lucky. The dark and deathly cold South Dakota winter was creeping to an end. As he motored his wheezing pickup truck to his favorite bar while sunset crept over the flat horizon, he could see water dripping off the icicles hanging from the balconies above Main Street’sabandoned stores. The long thaw was coming.

Rex was not an attractive man by anyones standards. He stood only five-foot-five and was 120 pounds overweight, but his face was so plain and lumpy, hed still be considered undesirable even with an Olympic swimmers body. He wore a grimy baseball cap to mask his rapidly receding hairline and smelled vaguely of horse urine and sweet pickles. Due to his poor dietary choices, he was chronically constipated, which was beginning to give him back problems. While straining to defecate, hed fart loudly and unabashedly on the toiletso loud that the neighbors would often hear.

Rex had toiled for over 20 years as an inspector at one of the largest hay-production factories in the upper Midwest. Rex would scrutinizebales of hay to make sure they met minimum quality standards before allowing them to be shipped to farms all across the American heartland. Sometimes the hay was moldy or too dry, and hed have to reject it. If the hay was acceptable, Rex would fill out the bills of lading and instruct the workerssome of whom were undocumentedto load the trucks and send the hay on its way.

Like most males, Rex measured his penis throughout adolescence. It was actually a little longer than averagejust a touch over seven inchesbut as thin as a carrot. He could easily pierce a womans cervix with that length, but his lack of girth gave him plenty of breathing space on all sides. He could have intercourse with a woman without even touching her vaginal walls.

Rex was a chronic masturbatornot by choice, but by necessity. He had trouble recalling the last time a woman so much as smiled at him. He hadnt been laid in over fourteen years, but a small inner voice told him tonight would be the night.

The cigarette smoke in The Wishing Well was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Through wobblyspeakers, new country music blasted so loudly that you had to scream to hold a basic conversation. Yelling at the top of his lungs, Rex ordered a shot of whiskey and a mug of beer from Mitzi, a wizened female bartender whod worked there since Rex was a child. With his liquid courage in hand, he sat on a stool in front of his favorite video-game machine and began feeding it dollar bills.

After several games and several failures to reach the top levels, Rex noticed in the corner of his eye that a woman was seated on the stool next to his, lost in video games just like he was. He tried not to make it too obvious, but he shot her a glance every so often when he felt it was safe to do so. She was his female doppelgngergrossly overweight and with a face that was not only forgettable, one was to forget it. After assessing her to be a 3.4 on a scale of 10, Rex knew he had a chance with this woman.

Even though the woman clearly had no idea how to play the video game in question, Rex figured it would be counterproductive to break the ice with an insult.

Youre really good at that, he told her.

He suddenly felt a small jab in his crotch, almost as if hed been punched in the dick with a tiny fist.

Thanks, she said, turning to him and smiling. Her teeth were a dark yellowalmost brown.

My name is Rex, and I have to say, youre the prettiest woman Ive ever seen in this bar.

Again he felt a mild stabbing pain in his groin.

She smiled back at him. My name is Mary, but all my friends call me Kippy.

Mary? No kidding! Thats my favorite name!

Once more he felt as if someone had bitch-slapped him in his lap. Can I buy you a drink? he asked her.

That would be wonderful, she enthused. Ill have whatever youre having.

While flirting, Rex didnt realize that enemy alien spacecraft had pierced his force field, exploded all his attack planes, and destroyed his home base. GAME OVER. Well, let me go get us another round, he said winking, and when I get backmaybe we can take this to a private booth?

I would love that, Mary said.

Gimme two more whiskey shots and two beers, Rex told Mitzi. Heres ten dollars. Keep the change. Ill be right back. Gotta go to the bathroom. Like they say, you dont buy alcohol, you only rent it. Mitzi smiled politely and stuffed the ten-dollar bill into her ancient bra.

The bar bathroom reeked of pee and mothballs. Rex rushed into a stall, locked the door, unbuckled his belt, and opened his pants. To his extreme dismay, he noticed his penis looked substantially smaller than normal. He assured himself that it was merely a case of bad nerves. He couldnt remember the last time a woman allowed him to buy her a drink.

He zipped up, returned to the bar, grabbed the four drinks, and headed toward the dark booth in the far corner where Mary/Kippy awaited. She smiled as he approached.

To springtime! Rex said, clinking his shot glass against hers.

To springtime! she smiled, downing the shot in one gulp. So, Rex, what do you do for a living?

Me? I, uh, Im in the financial industry. Once more he felt a sharp punch straight to the cock.

Oh, thats nice. You must make a lot of money.

He mischievously smiled in the affirmative. More groin pain.

Im a greeter at the Walmart over in Mitchell near the Corn Palace, Mary said. Im divorced and live with my teenaged son. I just turned forty. How old are you?

How old am I? Im thirty-seven. He turned his head and winced. It felt as if a tiny demon was using his balls as punching bags.

Well, youre just a child compared to me, Mary said. Im part Scotch, part German, and part Sioux. My last name is Schmidtthats German. Whats your last name, Rex?

Clydesdale. Rex Clydesdale.

Clydesdale? Isnt that a horse?

Yep, Rex said, leaning in and feeling emboldened by the alcohols warm glow. And Im hung like one, too!

Then came the sharpest pain of all. This time he couldnt hide it. He yelped like a puppy that had been stepped on.

My goodness, are you OK? Mary asked.

Yeah, Rex said, lying yet again. He began to panic. Look, Maryor should I call you Kippy?

Youre my newest friend, so please call me Kippy.

Look, Kippy, my mother is ill, and I have to go home and check up on her.

You live with your mother?

Yes, but only until she dies. But Id like to hang out with you again. Maybe another Friday nightmaybe at your place?

That would be delightful, Kippy said. You can bring the alcohol, and maybe we can watch a movie. Do you like romantic comedies?

I LOVE romantic comedies, Rex said, grimacing from what felt like a boot kick to his family jewels. But Im very sorry that I have to leave. But you wouldnt want to hang out anyway with a man who neglected his mother, right?

Youre darn tootin I wouldnt, Kippy said, winking at him before guzzling the remainder of her beer.

You can look me up on FacebookRex Kevin Clydesdale. I look forward to hanging out with you again.

Me, too. And with that, Rex was gone.

When he arrived home, there was no mother who needed him. His mom had died years ago. That was yet another lie.

And when he stripped naked to shower off the shame and defeat, he noticed to his horror that he no longer had a penis, just a tiny nub where it once was.

It was then that he realized he had no more lies to tell.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-man-whose-penis-shrank-every-time-he-told-a-lie/