#thats why I am so apologetic/weary

[dirtytransmasc]

this post is gonna seem so fucking random, and its really not at all important, tiktok is just being tiktok, and I have something to say that really doesn't mean shit but would get me flamed on that hellsite, and I hate not saying whats on my mind, even when its in my best interest so I'm saying it here, cause I can, just ignore me.

there seems to be this devote group of people in the SoC's fandom (*cough cough* I've only seen them on tiktok, and they're always those types of fans, that just like, care way to much about others opinions. *cough cough*) who hate people who see the dynamic of kaz and wylan as a father/son-esque relationship, like getting all types of mad about it. again it was like 5 or 6 people, but it was enough to make me really think about it and then proceed to get pissy, cause I'm a stubborn asshole at heart who can't just drop something once it's pissed me off, and it really only pissed me off cause someone said interpreting them like that was "infantilizing gay men" and I just... no, please no, that's not at all whats happening, I promise.

so here's my unnecessary two cents, cause I can't just move on;

what would you like me to call their dynamic hmm? kaz is only a bit older in age, but forced himself to mature and take on burdens that make him much older then he is, burdens he won't let anyone take off his shoulders. while he is very much like a mentor or older brother to wylan, trying to be who he needed after losing jordie, his role within the group as a whole puts him into much more of a caretaker role. he's the dad of the group, he is provider and protector, he is the brawny brains so to speak, a very paternal energy as head of the 'family'. he is the protector of his crows, he takes care of them, all of them, in his own fucked up ways, being what they need him to be. he would do anything for them, even if he tries to hide it, and this typically ends up with him in one way or another taking on a nurturing role of sorts (describing this man is so hard, cause his internal vs. external actions are so fucked by his mental state. going above and beyond for him and like bare minimum to the average person, and I don't know how to verbalize it). factor that into the fact that wylan lacks a father figure, a good one at least, he naturally plays that role in a very similar way that an older brother or mentor would fill the void of a younger sibling/mentee. wylan also looks up to and takes after kaz a lot, which points into the father/son-esque vibes. all in all, no they aren't your traditional father/son dynamic, but like, that's the closest simple term I can slap on them, cause I'm not giving this little speech a million times. their dynamic is messy and layered and complicated by both of their metric tons of trauma, paired with the overall found-family/trauma-bond thing those littles shits got going on over there. let them be messy and let me just sat father/son for my sanity, I beg (if someone tells me I'm infantilizing wylan cause he's gay/dyslexic/autistic-coded I'm gonna have a stroke, I just want my boys to be vaguely happy and have some semblance of family alright, and sure, maybe my daddy issues play into it, but that's none of your goddamned business)

please say I'm not the only one to encounter those fans, and please tell me this makes sense to someone, I beg of you.

[tiaragqueen]

may i request a scenario for yandere todoroki thats in a relationship with a reader that is powerful and older than him? (a third year) no violence tho. sorry if its a little weird :( i think a two year gap aint that bad. love your writing, thank u !

Eating His Heart Out

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Junior! Todoroki Shouto x Senior! Reader

✂ Word Count: 2k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Jealousy, possessive behavior, yandere theme.

***

The first boy who got me into BNHA fandom and because I’m a curious girl. I’m not sure if this what you wanted, since I quickly thought about violence when I saw the powerful part. Nonetheless, I hope you like it!

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves.” – Joseph Addison

Never once in his life had Shouto doubted your love. He knew you were loyal, although a tad bit quiet at times. The latter was what connected the two of you in the first place. It allowed you to be together without the pressure of having a conversation to fill the silence and be completely content with peace. You could stay quiet for hours, just minding your businesses. You also never forced him to talk about his problems; instead opting to sit beside him until he was ready to speak.

Shouto loved you through and through. He accepted you as a whole, despite the two-years age gap and powers between you. The disparities weren’t something that he minded much, simply because he knew that everyone was different. In fact, he was kind of glad that you were able to protect yourself and matured enough to not be provoked easily. You were more of a peacemaker; preferring to negotiate instead of rushing headlong into a fight. Many of your classmates had mocked your ‘disgustingly pure’ way, but you remained stubborn. And Shouto admired you for it.

However, aside from the age gap and powers, there was another difference between you.

Interests.

Shouto wasn’t one to like mysterious, esoteric stuff such as supernatural or the afterlife. Not because he was a scaredy-cat, but because he simply wasn’t interested. He preferred being realistic and think about the future, instead of contemplating the existence of spirits and such.

You, however, were wholly fascinated by the idea of mystery. Very few people knew about your inquisitive nature; a side that you often concealed under a reserved facade. You were fond of learning about everything that spiked your interest, be it trivial or strange. The weirder a stuff was, the more curious you become. You liked to think that it was one of your many, hidden charms.

And you weren’t wrong.

Shouto did love your thirst for knowledge and was pleasantly surprised when he first found out. It was better than being with a jaded person who thought that they knew and had experienced everything from this world. He was supportive and often urged you to search more about a certain topic. After all, he only wanted the best for his beloved.

But there was one thing that he disliked from you.

“Hawks-san, where’s [Name]-senpai?”

The blond paused eating his favorite chicken wings that Shouto deemed rather ironic, considering his bird-like quirk, and looked up. “She’s left with Tokoyami just a while ago,” he replied with a mouthful of meat.

Shouto’s face hardened slightly, not that anyone could tell from his already stoic expression. “Is… that so?”

“Yeah,” Hawks nodded, averting his gaze back on to the food. “Should’ve seen them, y’know? They keep talkin’ about weird stuff, and Tokoyami-kun even chuckled. I’ve never heard that kid laughing before. Guess [Name]-chan just have that kind of influence on him, eh?”

The second pro hero giggled, but Shouto couldn’t bring himself to laugh as well. Not when his stomach kept churning at every word that left Hawks’ mouth.

“I see,” Shouto finally replied, breaking the one-sided conversation between them. “Thank you for the information then, Hawks-san. I should take my leave now.”

“Y’know, Todoroki-kun,” Hawks spoke up, watching Shouto’s rigid form stopped to listen to whatever he wanted to say. “Tokoyami-kun and [Name]-chan can make a good pair, don’t you think? She’s just as quiet and strange as him.”

Shouto was well aware that Hawks loved mocking people, and although Shouto hadn’t told him about his relationship with you, he knew that Hawks knew. After all, he was the only person who asked about you every day. Hawks was bound to pick up the connection anytime soon. He wasn’t dense to think that he was a mere friend of yours. Nobody would bother to wait on someone for so long like that.

That, and because Shouto could feel Hawks smirking at him. He didn’t need to look to confirm it.

“No,” Shouto muttered, clenching his fists. The act didn’t go unnoticed by the pro hero, who silently relished in his victory of ruling him up. It wasn’t every day that you would able to irritate the one and only Shouto Todoroki due to his ability to remain calm and composed at pretty much every moment. “[Name]-senpai is dating me, not him.”

“Oh, is that so? Well,” Hawks twirled a strip of meat in his hand. “I think [Name]-chan is more interested in Tokoyami-kun. After all, love is quick to blossom through similar interests. Am I right, Todoroki-kun?”

Shouto gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to attack the hero. Hawks was undeniably stronger than him, and to attack him would be a stupid move on Shouto’s part. Therefore, he decided to opt for a more… passive way, even though it hurt his pride a little. At least, it was better than being a fool in front of his superior.

Bowing to the man, Shouto left without another word. Thankfully, Hawks didn’t make anymore taunt, instead of simpering in triumph. Shouto tried his best not to take his attitude personally and went to search for you. It was rather hard to ignore what he said, especially the ‘good pair’ part.

It was indeed true that you have been spending more time with Tokoyami more than him. On one hand, Shouto was glad that you could get along with his classmate. But on the other hand, he didn’t want you to be focused solely on Tokoyami. Shouto was, and would always be, your boyfriend. He deserved your attention and affection too.

Hiding behind a corner, Shouto watched you chatting animatedly with Tokoyami. The way your hands flailed around to emphasize a point, the way your eyes twinkled under the setting sun, and the way your lips stretched into the widest smile he’d never seen before.

Shouto had never felt jealous before. He knew that you belonged to him, just like how he belonged to you. So, why? Why did his chest hurt so fucking much? Why did he feel like stomping over there and rip you off from that… that nasty bird? Or worse, doing all the terrible stuff that swirled in his head?

No, that wouldn’t be right. You had lectured him a hundred times before to always choose peace over violence, and to see him being careless – especially for the sake of quenching his jealousy – would greatly disappointed you. And he refused to let that happen. Shouto wanted you to be proud of him. He wanted you to be the boyfriend you’d always wished for; an honorable and peaceful guy. 

But it was so fucking hard when you were there, laughing with someone other than him.

“[Name]-senpai.”

You quickly turned around when a deep voice called out to you and sighed in relief. “Oh, it’s you. I thought it was a villain or something.” The sound of your chuckle ceased after you noticed his solemn features. “H-hey, Shouto-kun. Are you okay?”

Shouto said nothing in response. Instead, he stepped forward and grabbed your hand that was unknowingly lying on Tokoyami’s shoulder.

“Oh, sorry.” You grinned and rubbed your nape sheepishly. “We were just talking around and I guess I was being too excited. Sorry if it makes you angry, Shouto-kun. I assure you I don’t like Tokoyami-kun that way.”

“’kun’…” Shouto muttered the seemingly intimate nickname with pure distaste as if the word itself left a bitter sensation on his tongue.

You sighed, shooting your clueless junior a weary smile. “Hey, uh. Sorry, Tokoyami-kun, but I need to go ahead. We can resume our conversation tomorrow if you’d like to.” You didn’t know why you were being apologetic when Shouto should be the one who apologized to you both for interrupting your little discussion.

Not that you truly minded; you missed Shouto and couldn’t wait until you meet him. But the way he appeared out of nowhere and snatched you away was a bit rude in your opinion.

“Of course, I’d like to. Have a pleasant evening, [Name]-senpai.”

Tokoyami bowed before taking a turn towards his house. Once he was far away from you both, you immediately snapped your head to Shouto.

“What the heck was that?!” you hissed.

“You were talking to him,” the bi-colored haired boy stated the obvious. “And you went ahead without me.”

“I thought you wouldn’t wait for me,” you frowned in both frustration and confusion. “You didn’t even reply to my message!”

“My phone’s dead.”

You stared at him for a moment, searching for any sign of a lie. As always, his face remained unreadable. But you didn’t need to look deeper to know that he was telling the truth, and that was irritated you the most.

Sighing for the third time in mere minutes, you snatched your hand from his grasp and walked ahead of him. You wanted him to know that his actions weren’t appreciated by you, and luckily, it didn’t take long for him to take the hint.

“Look,” he exhaled tiredly. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to be rude like that.”

“You certainly shouldn’t,” you said pettily.

“But you looked so happy around him and I’m just…” Shouto bit his bottom lip, ignoring your piercing gaze. “I was… jealous. I thought you didn’t love me anymore. Thought you liked him more than me. I was… I was afraid that you might choose him over me because… he shares the same interest as yours.”

You opened your mouth to counter his shocking statements, but he raised a hand to shut you up.

“Hawks-san even told me that you and Tokoyami-san made a ‘good pair’ and I guess, I kind of lost it in there. I know you’re dating me, and I know you’re loyal but–”

“Then, why are you doubting my loyalty?”

Shouto curbed his tongue in fear of accidentally blurt out the wrong things. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him, but he knew that your question was valid. Being jealous meant that he was doubting your love and loyalty, although that wasn’t what he intended for. He was merely afraid that you would grow bored of him due to not having the same interest as Tokoyami did.

It was ridiculous. Then again, what part of jealousy was logical anyway?

You shook your head, finding the whole situation to be rather humorous. However, you still had the decency of refraining from laughing. As laughable as the matter sounded, you needed to take him seriously because it had a connection to his deep-rooted fear. He had been hurt again and again by his closest ones, and you didn’t want to be a part of them. Shouto, however independent and stoic he seemed, looked up to you a lot. Therefore, it was already your duty to lead him to the ‘right’ way.

“Shouto-kun,” you put a hand on his shoulder, pursing your lips in contemplation on how to word your sentences correctly. “I am, and will always be, yours. Tokoyami-kun is just my junior. Sure, we have the same interest, but our relationship doesn’t go any deeper than that. He already knows that we’re dating, anyway, and he’s been very respectful in keeping his distance. So, please. Don’t stress yourself, okay? I don’t love him as I love you. I belong to you, remember? Just like you belong to me.”

Perhaps, a time would come when you regretted your words. But today, you just had to prove to him that you were still his.

“You promise?” he whispered, looking at you through his long eyelashes like a bashful child.

“Absolutely.” You slung an arm around his neck and pecked him on the lips. “Now, let’s go home. I’m hungry and sweaty. Maybe we can watch that movie you’ve been wanting to watch too.”

Shouto smiled; a beautiful sight that he reserved for your eyes only. “Okay.”

While you were busy listing off the activities that you would do tomorrow, the thin smile slowly disappeared from his face. You might have promised him that you still loved him, but who would say that you wouldn’t stray from him?

“Should’ve seen them, y’know? They keep talkin’ about weird stuff, and Tokoyami-kun even chuckled. I’ve never heard that kid laughing before. Guess [Name]-chan just have that kind of influence on him, eh?”

“Tokoyami-kun and [Name]-chan can make a good pair, don’t you think? She’s just as quiet and strange as him.”

It was decided; he needed to talk to Tokoyami soon. And, possibly, teaching him to keep his distance even further from you.