#the affection i hold for the people who read this fic is insane

[poolsidepanic]

Realised I never did share the original moodboard I made for Ceramic Hearts, so here it is :)

[whirlpool-blogs]

whirlpool's personal MOTA fic recs!

I've actually been dying to put this together for a while now...today is as good an excuse as any! I might not know everyone's tumblrs vs ao3 names so I will NOT be offended if you tell me to correct something!! <3

the big list = going alphabetical order in my folder because YES I do download my favorites, it's like having your own little bookshelf!!

non-clegan fics:

nine mothers' sons by @reallylilyreally (truly beautiful, breathtaking, and **THE** John Brady bible for the fandom so make sure you pray to it every night)

at your heels by @reallylilyreally (this one is Ev Blakely, another really beautiful story that helps you understand just why Crosby's memoir speaks of Blakely with such love and affection)

clegan (or gale-centric, or john-centric) fics:

A Direct Solution by @sweaterkittensahoy (Gale & Marge proposition Bucky...so cute and so hot)

ain't it easy? by @stereobone (dom/sub with john as the dom but ohhh man it's so much more than just that!!!!! this fic is so full of FEELS. and it's also HOTTTT. and also the FEELSSSSS.)

all the rest of what I want with you by @london-cowboy (the level of care that went into writing this fic is insane and impeccable. down to its own internal timeline, little egan kiddos, and the ANGST. but it's all worth it, I promise!!)

back home where you're from, that's the measure of a man by wolfhalls (nice little oneshot of the bucks, I love the back-and-forth of their dialogue in this one, it really does feel like two people who know each other well)

bittersweet between my teeth by @blixabargelds (post-war adjustment...love when the two majors are a little messy and a little sad and also john calls gale the prettiest thing he ever saw so there's that <3)

bluebirds singing a song by ourdarkspirits (Marge jumps Bucky's bones. Then Gale joins. Super fun, super hot!)

Close and Yet Closer by Anonymous (LITERALLY THE MOST!!!!!! FIC OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! Gale is a little bit mean and John is a lot bit sweaty. Like all the time. it's amazing and you should read it and it WILL change your life.)

Corpse Song by birdwif (oof. john is miserable in the stalag he's scratching at the door he's gnawing his own leg off.)

deep breath baby by @defnotanarc (um FISTING. yeah. intense and delicious. side note sometimes the world isn't fair and people who are really talented and amazing at drawing are also really good WRITERS too LIKE WTF!!)

DOG DINNER by @wompire (super interesting writing style, extremely poetic and striking. hits you right in the gut.)

everything and the kitchen sink by @swifty-fox (YEAH THIS ONE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE TOO. modern au where gale is a professional dom and john is a journalist who hornily consents to both (1) fucking around, and (2) finding out. in top ten fics of the decade in general tbh)

Freed From Desire by @feyd-meowtha (yoooooo such a fun and free and sexy fic!!! such a great writing style and such a cool remix of all the characters we know and love!)

He wears his love around his neck by kasugayamaisforlovers (Gale character study, he tries to run his little gay thoughts away which is always so fun to see)

hold me like a knife by storm_warning (tw: self-harm, this REALLY gets into John's self-destructive stalag spiral and it's super visceral and wet and heart-wrenching and written with such, such care and precision)

Hound Within the Heart by Anonymous (fairy-tale esque, gets super crazy and pushes the limits of reality but in the best ways possible)

I Don't Wanna Be Alone Tonight by @johnslittlespoon (cuddling for warmth <3 and then a little more <3 <3 so sweet and intimate!!)

I Like A Bad Boy by @nicijones (modern college AU and bucky is a fratty fuckboy type & in this fic he DOES punch a guy for Gale and it's all very hot and sweet and a delight to read)

i wish you wouldn't tell me (about your hawaiian party) by @whitetrashjj (when the fuckbuddies thing gets messyyyyyy because gale catches feelingsssssss, so delicious and meaty!!)

if that isn’t love, it’ll have to do by @irregularcollapse (ALWAYS such incredible character reads from this author, never misses. also facefucking. also FACEFUCKING <3)

i'll be seeing you by @puffanities (a quick 1.6k oneshot but still packed with some really great characterization and powerful language!! 'when the numbers of planes don’t match...')

i'll find you before the dust settles by butidontreallycare (a Westworld AU!! super cool)

in our bedroom after the war by @stereobone (one of those fics that's just like. a pillar of the community, y'know? iconic. classic. eternal.)

Into the Unknown by Melanie_Mikaelson (big win for john whump enjoyers. BIG win. like 20+ chapters of winning)

it ain't for meatball by @meyerlansky (Curt/Bucky. Curt puts the dog collar on Bucky....and it's HOTTTT arf arf i'm barking just like bucky is in this fic...)

It's Not Love, but It's Fun by @sweaterkittensahoy (Curt/Bucky, 500 words so it's short and sweet just like Curt ahahahaha, ANYWAY still such an interesting little read regardless!)

judgment by the hounds by @puffanities (PG, very visceral and tender apology after the stalag fight scene <3)

level-off maneuvers by wormringers (sweet little oneshot of the Bucks in London)

little fix by ForASecondThereWedWon (Algeria <3 <3 you just kNOW those two gay pilots were sniffing and huffing and licking each other's sweat.....this author GETS it)

love means nothing (in tennis) by @irregularcollapse (fics that make you go WEEEEEEEE!!!! every word, every physical action that these characters take is SO precise and well-written. truly like wrapping a soft bathrobe around yourself and also the bathrobe is incredibly sexy and also they're sucking each other off post-game but PRE-shower. also gale's dad!! also margie!! truly such a well crafted AU)

make you feel alive by @sig-nifier (really sweet little oneshot of gale being a little protective of john. and i am ALWAYS a sucker for the 'call off your dog' trope... and it's done perfectly here!)

meet me at the chapel by @swifty-fox (still in-progress and SUCH a creative, inventive universe!! outlaw john you will always be famous to me!!!!)

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder by @swifty-fox (swift can really weave a story like no one else. so many lines that pack a punch. and in the end, they make it <3)

my type by @spaceshipkat (this one is SOOOOO well-written, I always go so crazy for the dialogue!!! such a great push-pull dynamic in this fic)

night terror by @antiquitea (hot! and sweet! and HOT! and angsty!!!!! highlights include: gale gives john a literal countdown deadline to get off)

Obligate Mutualism by bowhuntress (Gale-centric story of trying to get John through the stalag, then returning the England without Bucky, a fic very obviously written with a lot of care and love)

obsessions, and other things by @sig-nifier (the Bucks cope. really great pacing and dialogue, and I always love when fics take the care to delve into john's struggle with alcoholism as well)

of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world (he walks into mine) by @whitetrashjj (really fun parallel universe where Buck owns a bar, just a great read all-around!)

Oh, I do, do I? by @defnotanarc (DIRTY TALK, like the most delicious, incredible dirty talk you can imagine, this fic nails it!!)

One of your Girls by @soliloquy-dawn (9k oneshot and it's great all the way through, Gale is jealousssss of John fucking around, don't worry they resolve it <3, definitely captures that innocence of pre-Bremen MOTA episodes)

peacetime like a liminal space by @spaceshipkat (this one is PHENOMENAL. post-war, John goes to New York City and turns out it doesn't fill the emptiness. luckily Gale shows up. <3)

Putting Words to It by @impalachick (YEAH THIS ONE IS REALLY HOT. John is a snoop and reads Gale's letters to Marge <3)

Reunited by Flowersandthings (PG, cute & funny oneshot of the Bucks being reunited after Gale makes it over from Greenland!)

Reverie by @avonne-writes (REALLY creative, well-crafted story. Gale and John are soulmates and can visit each other's dreams since adolescence. INCREDIBLE journey and arc in this story, the stalag part is just wow. truly such a gift to the fandom!!).

Rugire by Anonymous (umm omegaverse-ish but with deer dynamics. messy. and SO good.)

SHOTGUN. by pornogirl (YEAH this one is awesome, it's not safe it's not sane but oh boy it is consensual)

Song of Songs by @swifty-fox (sweaty sex sweaty sex sweaty sex)

Spin, Sit, Roll-Over by @glumbabie (Gale is a little mean to John and it's VERY sexy of him tbh. 'DOGS DON'T TALK'???? 'YOU CAN EAT'???????? yeah. read this.)

the chimneys hardly ever fall down by @redbelles (another Gale/Marge + John, and it's HOT. it's SEXY it's awesome!!)

the hand of a good man by @stereobone (John rewrites Gale's daddy history <3)

the jacket by @dogmetaphors (REALLY great sense of dialogue and characterization even in 1.6k words, also shamelessly horny and SO yummy)

The Major’s Wife by tryingmyhandatwriting (John/Original Female Character but like. give this one a chance, I'm telling you!! I'm always soooo compelled by sex scenes that like. are actually a little bit unhappy. and this one SERVESSSSS.)

this must be the place by @blixabargelds (BIG win for Gale whumpers. broken bone and LOTS of blood and super well-written)

To be alone with you by Damn_Illusive (THIS ONE IS SO, SO SPECIAL AND CREATIVE!! freaky army experimentation gives gale and john telepathic communication. incredible separation arc while gale is in the stalag. really, really unique story that is such a staple in my mind as one of the the most incredible clegan stories ever. I think about this one A LOT!!!)

To the Moon and Back by @rambleonwaywardson (iconic astronaut AU, written with SUCH care and love, it's so obvious!! and BIG win for john whumpers. who said that -)

Tough And Sweet (Like You And Me) by @johnslittlespoon (sooo fun and creative and inventive, Bikeriders-esque!Gale and a sweeter, more innocent John. really well crafted)

trading paper dolls by ForASecondThereWedWon (Alex draws Gale pinup girl style in the stalag.....John swipes it.... super great fic!)

two slow dancers by everywordnotsaid (unrequited love, John for Gale, through their journey. I genuinely, actually sobbed for a long time at the conclusion of this fic. I am always thinking about this fic. I think it really captures something about the experience of watching the show and realizing in that hopeless, lovesick kind of way that there's no way to go back in time and save all of them. I still get teary whenever I think about this story or hear the song. It's one of those fics that's not just good, not just great, but somehow also really fucking IMPORTANT. this story MATTERS. you should absolutely read it and save it and imprint it onto your heart. I know it's imprinted onto mine.)

Un Chant d’Amour by @counting0nit (really intriguing take on the interrogation center time frame!)

unicorns, and other extinct animals by @spaceshipkat (really, really incredible reading experience. something that actually touches other aspects of my life, even now. I see planes overhead and I think about this fic. I see letters on a table and I think about this fic. just. this author GETS IT, you know? just absolutely nails every aspect of this kind of fic: post-war adjustment, the pain, the LOVE. this fic will make you FEEL it. let it happen.)

Up In Our Bedroom by @steeseman (ICONIC. really one of those pillars of the community type fics, y'know? it's funny and it's sweet and it's painful and the hot parts are HOT. clearly written with SO much care, and SO much love, and SO much precision. every single word packs a punch. absolutely one of my top reads of all time, across time, across fandoms)

When the bones are good by @aramblingjay (a really incredible post-war fic, such a beautiful, rich writing style!! isn't afraid to dig at the hard parts - john's relationship with alcohol, their nightmares from the war. stunning visuals -- the author uses setting and place and motion in such a tangible, real way. I can still see the little hideout spot in my mind's eye, even now. one of those fics that's just. such a treasure to the fandom.)

your dreams, whatever they be by @drylite (this one is super new, and it's just SUCH solid writing!)

You're A Dog (I'm Your Man) by @johnslittlespoon (one of those fics that's a pillar of the fandom for SURE!!! definitely a classic)

[t-tomuras]

♔ ─── • 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬

Pairing: Tenko Shimura x F!reader

Warnings: College / quirkless AU, Tomura is Tenko, mention of breeding, creampie, gentle bullying, orgasm denial, oral ( f receiving ), marking, biting, edging

Wordcount: 7k

Notes: A rework of one of my first ever fics. I.. got carried away. Thank you to beloved kitty cat for reading my insanity

You saw him often in the university’s library, tapping away at whatever handheld he felt like playing on that day while slouched in a beanbag chair, taking advantage of the usual silence in a much less productive way; depending on who you asked that is, certainly not Tenko himself. Sporting his usual ratty hoodie with fraying cuffs and the drawstrings unevenly tugged around him with the hood of it drawn over stylishly unstyled mop of ivory. 

You often wonder what holds his attention so steadfastly, what captivates him for hours, not that you watch him the entire time! You utilize the high speed internet for your class work and research assignments, it’s not your fault that the time you both spend in the common area overlaps so often. Tenko likely needs the wifi too, it only worsens your curiosity. 

You’d like to approach him, you would. Be like anyone else that meanders around him or approaches him without qualm or hesitation. Undeterred by the resting scowl the man wears regardless of what he’s doing, paired with his indifferent affect, painted Tenko as a silent loner.  

He was intimidating to you, simply put. 

It didn’t help that the few people he talked to on a semi-regular basis always seemed to agitate him, or at the very least, he was just indifferent to their presence while he was occupied. 

Can't really say you blame him either though, you were acquainted with one of the pair that stands with him now. 

Well, ‘acquainted’ didn’t seem like the best word to use for the man with dyed onyx locks and more piercings than college credits, Touya Todoroki, better known by the nickname ‘Dabi’. He was from your psych class, hardly spoke and really could hardly ever be bothered to show up to lectures either. He’s a notorious flirt though, your typical ‘bring him home on the holidays to piss off your father’ aesthetic. You’re not sure you’ve ever had a substantial interaction with him outside of Touya stealing (not borrowing as he calls it) your good and expensive pens or rolling your eyes.

And it seems like a common reaction to him in general as you watch Tenko sneering at him while Touya invaded his space, again, today while another… friend, stands idly nearby on his phone as he leans against the desk nearest to the pair.

That one seems much more approachable, relaxed and casual demeanor giving him a more inviting aura. Conventionally attractive with his sandy blond hair artfully disheveled and well cared for facial hair if you didn’t include his unruly brows; he wasn’t quite as tall as the pair before him but had a stockier build to him. He spots your discrete gawking while Touya fights with Tenko over the handheld, grin tugging at full lips as he glances between you and the quarreling duo before he saunters over. 

Too late for you to pretend your attention wasn't held by their hissed whispers and quieted antics or for you to quickly gather your scattered belongings and hightail it from the area, so you opt to straighten your spine and fight the heat stinging your nape. Clearing your throat awkwardly as you close your neglected laptop and the barren research paper left open on the screen.

“Name’s Keigo, Keigo Takami,” he introduces himself first, bending at the waist to lean against the desk you’d commandeered as a workstation for the time being, “something caught your eye, sweets?”  

The way he flashes another grin in a bid to appear just a bit more charming as he rests his chin in his hand annoys you. Keigo is charismatic, you can admit, but you don’t care for it, especially not after being caught staring, so you’re honest with your response, “who’s that guy you were talking to?” 

You know who Tenko is, but he doesn’t need to know the full extent of your interest in him, just that you’re interested in general if not to make it blatantly clear your interest isn't in him specifically. Turning your attention back to your studies as you lift the screen of your laptop again and place your fingers over the keys so you don’t have to watch Keigo visibly deflate at your flippant tone.

He’s quick to recover though, leaning back up to partially rest against the edge of your table like he was across the room, folding his arms over his broad chest as he watches Touya palming Tenko’s face and holding the handheld higher in the air childishly. Keigo’s shoulders sagging as he tilts his head, rolling his eyes as he turns to you, “y’mean Dabs? He’s—“ 

“No,” you state plainly despite how your ears burn a bit now, cheeks feeling warm as you shake your head and turn to look at Keigo’s friends, “not him. The other guy, the one in the hoodie with white hair.” 

Keigo stalls for a moment, blinks almost comically as he dramatically swivels his head between you and the men across the way, “Shimura? You’re asking about.. Tenko?” 

Your brows furrow at his tone, none too pleased with how incredulous he sounds. Almost disbelieving, as if it was an unfathomable concept, and he snorts a bit before he adds, “are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You question rhetorically, tone more than a little clipped, brow cocked in challenge. Now that you think about it, were these two even actually Tenko’s friends? The longer you interact with the blond and watch the other you’d think them more bullies than anything. “Yes, Tenko. Is there a problem with that?”

He’s confused to say the least, but he’s willing to throw Tenko a bone. Raising his hands defensively with a sheepish grin and a placating, “nothing nothing at all. Everyone always asks about Dabi, is all.”

“Dunno why,” rolling your eyes as you completely shut your laptop now, fully understanding you’re not likely to get any work completed right now. Turning to Keigo with a deadpan expression, shifting your body completely so your legs are no longer positioned beneath the desk so you can stand to leave, “Tenko seems like much better company.” You’re shoving your small notepad and pens into your bookbag followed by your laptop as you add, “much better than the company he doesn’t presently seem to want to keep.”

“Whoa whoa, wait a minute, you’ve got it all wrong.” Keigo sighs when you scoff, sliding from the tabletop to stand, holding out his hand for you to take (which you don’t) when you begin to push from your seat before letting it fall to his side once more when you’re on your feet. He’s a little taken aback by this entire exchange, Keigo’s never had an issue with talking to women before but pauses briefly to run his fingers through his sandy blond hair in a calming reflex. Taking a breath before he starts again, shoulders squared as if he was resetting himself, “seems like we got off on the wrong foot sweetheart.” 

You sneer to yourself at the pet name, pushing your chair back in with a finality before Keigo sidesteps into your path to keep you from leaving, though he does still give space so it doesn’t seem threatening. Arms held up again in yet another bid to be disarming, “that’s my bad. Let’s start over.”

He takes a step closer, moving to stand at your side with his arm gestured out as if to guide your path. Amber hues flitting from your unamused scowl to his friends then back again. Jerking his head into the direction of the two whose quiet quarrel has come to a silent stalemate, “C’mon how about I introduce you then,” chuckling to himself as he straightens his spine and shoves his hands into his pockets when your brow quirks with a cute skeptical pout. 

“All in good faith, promise,” signing it with his index drawing an ‘x’ over his heart paired with an admittedly charming wink. 

It makes you smile, causing Keigo to mirror the expression albeit with a much broader and toothy grin before you sigh your agreement. Following quietly behind him when you ask, “how do you know him anyway?”

Keigo keeps his stride short, staying in step with you for the most part while he taps at the screen of his phone that he fished from the deep pockets of his baggy pants, humming first to acknowledge he heard you, though you’re sure he wasn’t fully listening. Surprised when he actually answers your question after finishing his text or whatever it was that he was doing,  “Dabi and I go way back, him and Tenko are dorm mates though. We’ve all known each other since sophomore year, play games together every now’n’again since Tenko mostly likes to stay to himself.” 

You hum in turn, taking in the miniscule amount of information provided and filing it away even though it’s the absolute bare minimum that the blond can provide. Keigo thinks it’s kind of cute too, the interest you’ve taken in Tenko. Genuinely, nobody had ever asked Keigo about Tenko when Touya stood in the same area, not that Tenko was unattractive in the slightest. There was just something about the box dyed bad boy that everyone (man and woman alike, Touya wasn’t finicky) found more alluring than the reclusive man by comparison. It makes him chuckle softly to himself, slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips before you stand before both of the aforementioned men. 

Tenko oblivious to you or overtly disinterested as he focuses wholly on the device in his hands now that his peace is uninterrupted compared to the obvious interest Touya takes in your presence. Standing and leaning against the pillar the beanbag Tenko resides in is leaned against, crossing his arms over his chest as Keigo takes the liberty of introducing you.

“I met a little songbird guys,” closing the distance between himself and Touya before taking a firm hold of Touya’s elbow, “too bad Dabs and I gotta get to our Gender Studies class,” 

Both you and Touya look equally confused before your heart accelerates, thumping against your ribcage the moment Keigo actually begins to leave with Touya, tugging him along with no other explanation or excuse. You likely shouldn’t be but you’re reeling, floundering for Keigo but he’s already ushering his friend away; ultimately throwing you to the wolves despite doing exactly as he said he would, introduce you. 

If you expected him to be a wingman, well, that’s really your own fault, isn’t it?

The door closing upon their exit feels like it echoes, it makes you cringe as you chew at the inside of your cheek nervously. Tenko, however, pays the entire ordeal no mind, already slouching further into his plush seating with his handheld without even so much as an acknowledgement of your presence now that his headache of a roommate was gone. 

A moment passes, a beat of silence before you swivel semi-awkwardly on the balls of your feet. Rocking slightly with hands clasped behind your back before you stop and stand straight again, patting your bookbag lightly while chewing on the inside of your cheek. Going over what you could say now because it was becoming increasingly obvious that Tenko had no intention of speaking at all, only sparing you cursory glances while his fingers rhythmically presses the buttons of what you can see now is a custom skinned steam deck.

Agonizing internally to find something, anything, to say before lamely sighing out a trailing, “so..” 

“So,” he doesn’t even look up from his game, tone even and bored but that does little to deter the desire for conversation.

“My name’s—“ 

“I know who you are. Touya doesn’t shut up about the girl in his psych class that he wants to plow,” you don’t like the indifferent glare he fixes you with. It makes your skin heat, the comment taking you off guard as well, leaving your lips parted without a sound leaving them. Words caught in your throat purely by the shock of how casually Tenko divulges that information to you. 

Touya wanting to fuck anything with legs was no surprise to you, but for him to openly discuss the desire you sleep with you with his roommate? Someone that knows nothing about you? Utterly mortifying, you’re so embarrassed that you stand before him like a deer in headlights and yet it only continues to get worse as Tenko takes your silence for a different sort of realization, especially whenever you glance to the library’s exit. Exhaling a mirthless chuckle, as if this exchange was an annoyance to him now, “you missed your chance though, Keigo likes to cockblock, they’re not even close to being late.” 

“Huh?” He throws you again, recovering enough to express your confusion, “Wait no, actually what?” Missed your chance? Did he think you were simply standing here because you’d wanted to talk to Touya but had a stroke of intentional misfortune?

You can’t help the scoff that escapes you, snorting a bit at the ridiculous notion before it births an incredulous laugh that bleeds into a fit of giggling. Genuinely instead of nervously, long enough you need a moment to recover and for Tenko to pause his game with a curious look, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, it’s really not funny I swear.” And it isn’t funny to you, honestly, but at least the air doesn’t feel so stiflingly awkward anymore. Your giggling subsides relatively quickly, tapering off into a few breathless sounds as you wipe away stray tears that gathered in your lash line.

“I really don’t understand the big deal about him,” you start after you’ve caught your breath, swiping your thumb a second time at the other corner of your eye but you still wear the smile that accompanied your laughter, “but I have absolutely no interest in Touya.” 

You shift your weight from one foot to the other, “Or Keigo for that matter. I actually really wanted,” trailing slightly but steeling yourself enough to continue, gripping at the cross-shoulder strap of your bookbag, “to talk.. to you?” 

You’re only met with silence and unwavering eye contact that makes you squirm under his gaze. Pulling at your fingers and adjusting the strap of your bag nervously while you wait for heaven fucking knows what and if you weren’t in a library you would’ve screamed by now. 

Then, finally, he smirks, “you’re pretty cute.” 

The squeak that leaves your lips does little to salvage what little of your dignity you feel is intact and your meek, awkward little, ‘thank you’ that only makes him laugh in response just serves to worsen your shame. Ready to bolt and crawl into the safety of your fluffy comforter while you plan how to switch colleges mid-semester.

He scoots over in the tufted, unconventional chair, the millions of beads shifting and groaning beneath his weight earning your attention and pulling you from your internal spiral. Nodding his head to the space he created for you to sit down and whenever you cock your head in confusion Tenko simply rolls his eyes as if your next move should be obvious. When he taps the space he created for you and you still don't grasp the hint he emits a groan as he leans forward to take your hand, tugging you down to sit with him. 

Taken by surprise to say the least but it’s a much more pleasant experience than everything else that’s transpired thus far so settling with him is easily done. Tenko keeps his arm propped up, slinging it over your shoulders to tuck you into him when you finally heed the silent command. He, of course, turns his game back on while you shyly snuggle, tucking your head beneath his as you tentatively rest your head against his shoulder.

Suddenly overly conscious of your breathing and wondering if maybe you’re resting against him too much while trying not to shift and writhe too often before he hums a low, “relax, you’re moving too much.” No bite in his tone and, weirdly enough, it soothes you. Forces you to just let your body grow comfortable against his, but the arm that’s securely looped around you makes it difficult to see his screen.

You peek but he moves so he can see the game past your head. “what’re you playin?” 

“Dead Space,” tilting the device enough so that you both can see the screen without obstruction. Just in time for some gangly, disfigured creature to lunge at his character. Making you jolt at the sudden shock before Tenko demonstrates an important mechanic to the game. Turning the volume up so you can easily hear the sickening squelch accompanying the action of dismembering the enemy, chuckling lowly when you gag at the noise and turn to stare at his unbothered profile, “s’not for everyone.” 

“It’s not so bad, just don’t like the sound design,” in the way that it was incredibly well done enough it elicited physical reactions from you. Settling back into the crook of his throat as you watch him progress in the story. 

Sitting in silence for a moment, long enough for the question to burn on your tongue, comfortable enough now that you don’t register that it could reveal just how often you took notice of him. 

 “Why do you always play in here?” Thankfully, Tenko doesn’t notice. He doesn’t even look away from his screen as he completes a simple puzzle.

“Because Touya is annoying, gets me killed on purpose.” 

“Well,” you lift your head enough so you can tilt into his view, “Touyas in class right now, isn’t he?” 

He pauses the game again, staring at you for a moment before shoving the handheld into the front pocket of his oversized hoodie and rising to his feet; tugging you up with him without uttering a word. Tenko keeps hold of your wrist while leading you out of the library, pausing just long enough when you fumble to straighten your falling bag, “where are we going?” 

“My dorm, you can watch me play on the big screen with the volume up,” he replies so easily and you’re practically giddy at the prospect of being alone with him. 

And, somewhere along the trek from the library to his dorm, his broad palm slips from your wrist into your own to hold you a little more comfortably.  

His dorm is relatively tidy, save for a discarded hoodie or two lying around with a too full trash can beneath the desk that acts like a tv stand but you’ve heard of the horror shows most boys dorms are so you can’t complain. Even Touya’s side of the room was impeccable, bed made neatly compared to the tousled comforter and haphazardly strewn singular pillow on Tenko’s own mattress.

Heart racing for a moment whenever Tenko points for you to sit while he sets up his steam deck to connect to his tv. Taking a seat awkwardly on the edge of his bed, leaning back enough to feign comfortable ease whenever he makes his way to you. Moving his hand in a shooing motion as he climbs in next to you before opting to help arrange your bodies on the plush pillow top so he could start to play. 

Fixing you to situate comfortably in his lap, his chin resting atop your crown with his arms looped around you to grasp his controller; stiff in his hold for only a short while until you relax and lean back against him. Sighing contentedly unknowingly for the last time as Tenko presses start to resume his campaign. You discover quickly that you really don’t like this game much, especially not now with the volume much louder and the picture enlarged to see the gore in vivid detail compared to the smaller screen of his handheld in a public space. Nevermind all the well timed jumpscares and sinister score making you jolt but the chuckle that rumbles in his chest each time is almost worth the torment.

“Scardey-cat,” he teases and you huff, turning your head up and sticking your tongue out at him. 

“M’ not,” you lie, shrugging your shoulders as you sink further into his lap and you pout cutely when you hear his snort in response. Humming a dry, “sure you’re not, that’s why you’re jumping.”

“It’s the truth,” scoffing indignantly, dramatically placing your hand over your chest as if he’s insulted you, “I’m just jerking from trying not to sleep is all!” Cheekily with a higher pitch to your tone and Tenko rolls his eyes with a soft smirk at the corner of his scarred lip before you turn upwards once again. 

“This game is boring Tenko, the jump scares are cheap,” only for you to eat those words a second later when he’s attacked and he laughs at you when you’re startled enough to turn into his chest to hide from the scene reflexively. 

Mocking you by purring out a hushed, “what’s wrong? I thought it was boring?”

“Don’t be mean,” comes your whine, tugging halfheartedly at the fabric of his hoodie before slouching into his chest and crossing your arms. Flustered by the sound of his voice and the soft laughter that reverberates in his chest and with the closeness you can feel it within your own. Clearing your throat as you shift in his hold. Adjusting to sit up, pulling your knees closer to your chest until you’re curled into a tight ball in Tenko’s lap before fiddling with your phone. Growing bored of the device quickly though thanks to all of your social feeds being dead, sighing audibly as you flippantly toss the device onto his mattress to be lost and forgotten before long, the motion pulling some of Tenko’s attention in the quiet treks from objective to objective.

Taking into account this may actually be a bit boring for you, that maybe you don’t want to be scared while watching a game that may not interest you as you spend time with him but the way you hide away and seek solace in Tenko is cute. 

Resigning himself to get to his next save point and log off for the day, possibly offer a trip off campus to a bite to eat, telling you as much with a simple, “are you hungry? I’m about to get off.”

Brightening at the notion of a little impromptu venture together for food, giddy with how comfortable interacting with him feels. Nodding at his question as you sit up to pay attention to the screen again just as a cutscene begins to play but of course there's a scare in it and your ass rubs against his crotch when you flinch. He tries not to get hard, especially whenever he was preparing to quit his game, all Tenko needed to do was finish this quick time event and then he’d be able to save his progress.

Gritting his teeth a bit and flaring his nostrils in agitation at the game as well as to draw in steadying breaths because he does not want to get hard from just a little bit of friction and you think him a creep. 

But it really feels like you know what you’re doing to him the more that you subtly writhe, each wiggle of your hips and brush of your round ass against his crotch alone is really making it difficult to maintain his composure. Your fidgeting eventually makes him miss a key input within the sequence, killing him in the process and starting him over at the beginning of the cinematic.

Controller vibrating violently in his hands from his death and the beginning of the sequence once again. Palms sweating enough he has to wipe them on his casual joggers and you feel a little bad for getting him killed. Frowning when you glance at him from the corner of your eye and see furrowed brows paired with a scowl marring his usually impassive features. 

You think he’s mad at you for getting him killed, rolling your plush bottom lip between your teeth as you shrink into yourself as much as you can. Shimmying lower and unknowingly contributing further for his mounting frustration but in the best of ways that Tenko isn’t used to. Exercising extreme concentration in the hopes of completing this last task without you feeling his swelling cock, already planning on tucking the erection into his waistband until it went away after he’d powered everything down.

But the willpower is waning, nearly eroded to nothing with your soft, “m’ sorry Ten.”

He doesn’t gratify you with a response, just a low hum from the back of his throat before continuing in silence, so focused on willing the blood away from his cock that he misses the last input of the sequence, controller vibrating violently in his palms from damage taken. You tilt up to look at him, pitiful expression on pretty features but Tenko keeps his eyes trained forward. It’s over if he looks at you, he’s sure of it. 

What’s it going to look like to you if he pins you to the mattress now? Flips up your skirt to run his fingers teasingly along your clothed slit until the fabric is dampened? Would you want him to? Would you beg for him? 

Lost in his daydream of degeneracy, Tenko forgets he’s holding you for real and maybe he’ll blame it on that for the way he holds you tightly when it feels like you’re getting up to leave as he gruffs out a gravely “stay put.”

You make a noise, a small one in the back of your throat something akin to a squeak as your fingers wrap around his forearm. Confusion evident and the shift in the atmosphere between you is palpable but you’re unaware of its nature, lips parting to breathe his name when his own voice cuts you off.

“Just stay there,” a command through grit teeth accompanied by a tightened hold.

“Are you okay? I didn't mean to mess you up.” 

Tenko huffs at that, a breathy chuckle as his head hangs, fringe of ivory hanging in his view. You couldn’t possibly still think this was about his now forgotten video game that continues to loop the same cinematic each time he dies, could you? Surely nobody could be this oblivious and he voices as much, “you’re messing with me right? Pretending to be this cute and innocent?” 

You don’t respond, features pinched in confusion, shifting in his hold to try and see his face when you finally feel it. Flinching slightly but you make no attempt to lift away from Tenko, heat stinging rising up your throat and warming your cheeks up to your ears. Was it from your squirming? Just because? Your mouth opens and closes but you're at a loss for words, only managing a dumb, “I wasn't” before gasping at the first vibration against your crotch. 

Accidental at first, purely coincidence with where his controller came to rest in the weighted exchange, charged now as passive features morphing into a darkened expression. A devious smile spreading slowly when you squirm at the sensation, but Tenko’s observant. 

Leaning forward until his lips are against the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spin as he teasingly asks, “Does that feel good?” as he pulls your back to rest flush to his chest. Pressing his controller to your mound with a little more pressure than the first time., earning a gasp at the sensation, looking up at him almost pleadingly (for what you aren’t sure) before it vibrates again. 

Tenko’s eyes widening with interest at the sound of your sharp inhale, the way your body tenses against his but you don’t recoil from the contact before he takes on a hooded gaze. Calmly pushing the remote under your skirt as his other hand moves to wrap around your throat, cupping tenderly before craning it to the side to press featherlight kisses along the exposed flesh. Your gasping soon evolves into more unabashedly vocal mewling, your body writhing as the vibrations frequency intensifies the more damage he takes. Tenko adding to the increasingly overwhelming contact by sucking marks into and nipping at your skin, his forearm tensing to push you into the slow rut of his hips. Reflexively grinding back against  Tenko’s stiff length, trying to match the rhythm of his hips only to buck out of sync from the pleasuring shock that shoot up your spine. Toes already curling with the build of sweet release.

“T-Tenko,” you barely manage before he swallows your voice, slightly chapped lips sealing over your plush ones. Whimpering pathetically at the trace of his tongue along the seam before you grant him entrance, tasting one another with languid swipes. Muttering an even softer, “Tenko please.” 

The pitch makes him groan, lids fluttering open but to only half mast as he pulls from the kiss with a string of saliva connecting you. “Please, what?” But he doesn’t wait for an answer, pressing the swell of the controller firmly against your clit when it begins to vibrate violently once more. You almost want to scream, even if you did Tenko would be sure to greedily devour the gratifying sound as well. You grasp at his hoodie, the pillow next to you, reaching behind you to thread your fingers into the silky strands of his hair while the other holds Tenko’s wrist in a vice grip as you arch away from his chest. Chest heaving with labored breaths, the coil in your lower belly winding so tightly you can feel yourself on the cusp of your climax it’s almost maddening. 

“Like that, please just like that,” pleading for more, chasing the orgasm you feel tightening in your core, bucking into his hand and the controller he holds. The room feels suffocating the closer you get, the longer you teeter on the edge, only focusing on the vibrations to your clit and the slow steady rut of his hips behind you. The heavy length you feel against the swell of your ass, “I’m so close, fuck.”

You whimper his name when he moves his hand from your throat to flip up your skirt completely now, gripping at thick thighs as he silently spreads you open. Forcing your feet to plant on the mattress on the outer sides of Tenko’s knees, pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck as he wastes little time dipping past the seam of your panties . Running his fingers through your wetness before teasing at your entrance, plunging into your embarrassingly soaked cunt with ease and finding a delicious pace with even less effort. Guiding you to rut up in tandem, however jerkily they may be, with every pump, you’ll be careening over the edge in no time, you can feel it. Almost taste it on the tip of your tongue, eyes rolling from pleasure as you breathily babble his name like a muddled mantra but he removes himself from you just as you’re ready to climax. The whine that escapes is pitiful, laden with disappointment as you collapse back against his chest and frustration and a tinge of embarrassment pinching the apples of your cheeks when you’re met with a mocking chuckle. 

“S’pretty cute when you’re frustrated like that you know. Upset you didn’t get to cum baby?” His voice is taunting and it makes you feel pathetic when you nod with moist lashes clumped with unshed, frustrated tears and the kiss he presses to your temple does little to quell the lump the threatens to lodge in your throat, “you’re right though, that game is boring. I like this one better.” 

Your confusion is evident, brows scrunched up cutely as you tilt and angle to give Tenko more access as he trails chaste kisses from your temple to your cheek and along your jawline, “what game?” 

He’s silent as he affords you with tender affections, lips adoring your throat in a way that makes the tension bleed from your shoulders. Though he sends a shiver down your spine when he places one last kiss to the space behind your ear when he whispers his clarification. “The ‘how many times can I deny your orgasm before you start crying’ game.”

Tenko is mean alright, you had it pegged earlier, even in jest, so he fully intends to show you no matter how much you whine. You’re going to be Tenko’s favorite toy right now. A much more interesting sort of entertainment, handling you with a controlled hunger as he removes you from his lap, pulls your modest little skirt and panties away, tugs your asymmetrical sweater over your head and unclasps your bra for you to shrug away. Long fingers wrapping around your forearms just in case you try to hide the view from him as your breasts spill free, “So pretty.” 

He moves to lay down next, guiding your body and arranging you until your cunt is hovering over his face, hot breath puffing against your puffy lips. His hands keep a firm grip on your hips  when you tense after you’re settled to straddle his face. Knees sinking into the downy pillow beneath his head, given a modicum of leeway to sit backwards just enough to see Tenko’s face between your thighs and it does little to calm your nerves as a rush of arousal pools at your cunt at the sight. 

 “Ten I dunno,” voice trailing off without finishing the sentence, not wanting to admit you’ve never sat on anyone’s face before. He’s less than undeterred, however, doesn’t allow you enough time to remove yourself from him due to waning self-confidence before he’s leaning up and pressing a kiss to your puffy clit before lapping broad stripes along your drooling slit causing your fingers to shoot into his hair. The tip of his nose brushes against your clit while he laps at your folds, sending jolts of electricity up your spine and throughout every fiber of your being. The pleasure so encompassing you don’t notice you’re grinding against him until he groans against your core, reaching up to roll a pebbled nipple between his fingers. Unbuttoning his pants and freeing himself from increasingly tightening constraints, gripping his neglected cock and stroking himself while he slurps salaciously at your sticky heat. 

Building you up quickly until your thighs tremble, completely at his mercy (or lack thereof) as pleas tumble from your lips in hushed tones. Each plead punctuated by an uneven roll of your hips against his tongue, stuttering in motion when he sucks cruelly at your sensitive bundle of nerves. You’re so close you can almost taste it only for it to be ripped away again when his large hand holds you in place, “no fuck please Tenko! Please let me cum! I need it, baby please.” 

He hears you, loud and clear despite how tightly your thighs spasm around his ears to muffle the outside world. Growling to himself about having to end his enjoying meal so quickly but you could cum on his face another time and as many times as you wanted but not now. Not yet, patting your thigh for your attention, “get up, you’re gonna’ cream on this cock or not at all.” 

And you’re all too eager to comply, scrambling off of him and to the side, allowing Tenko to pull himself up and lean against his headboard. Swinging your leg over his hips before he’s even fully settled but he doesn’t mind. Chuckling before your arms loop around his shoulders, melding your lips with his as you straddle him. 

You look so pretty like this, desperate for his cock and it shows when you part from the searing kiss with unshed tears clumping your lashes and glassy eyes from being edged for the last hour. 

“I’ve got you,” purred with that alluring gravel to his voice as Tenko grasps his length between you both, running the leaky tip through your soaked slit, coating himself in your slick before positioning himself at your entrance. His free hand firmly holding your hip, applying pressure to sink you down on his length as if you needed the encouragement at all. 

Crimson hues flitting between the way your lips fall open in a silent moan as your head lolls backwards and the way each inch disappears into your greedy cunt. He’s groaning already at the way you squeeze him, walls fluttering around his cock with pleasure at the sudden stretch, trembling slightly when he’s finally sunk you to the base. Wet heat slicking down the curly thatch to the skin of his pelvis when your hips twitch into his. 

“Shit,” Tenko groans out, burying his face against your throat, tongue swiping over the hickies he’d decorated your flesh with earlier while his free hand presses you impossibly closer by the small of your back, “you feel so good. Squeezing me so tight, gonna make me cum already at this rate.” 

You’re whining at the praise, his other hand at your hip helping you bounce on him at the pace you need. It’s so hot in his room now, the smell of sex filling your nostrils and beads of sweat slicking baby hairs to the skin of your face and nape of your neck. Nails raking along his shoulder blades as you chase the high you’d so callously been denied but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t heighten the experience now.  

“Gonna cum baby? Go ahead, you can cum, I won’t stop you. Promise, promise I won’t stop you this time,” he sounds breathless himself, controlled pace steadily forgon in favor of pure instinct. Moving his head from your shoulder to loll against the headboard, a smile spreading on his features when you seize the opportunity to litter the alabaster skin of his throat in dark marks. ““m’close too, I’m gonna cum right there with you. You want that baby, want me to paint those pretty walls white?” 

Tenko already knows the answer is a resounding yes, even before you nod emphatically. Nipping hungrily at his pronounced Adam’s apple when a pointed thrust into that spongy spot within you rips a throaty moan from you. 

Every reaction you reward Tenko with is sinfully sweet, addicting in the worst of ways. You’ll be the death of him in more than just his forgotten game that somehow paused with the lost remote. 

Tenko needs more from you now, everything you could possibly give and within another whispered ‘please Ten, so close’ he knows he’ll have it. Knows that he’ll do the same. 

He’s panting, frenzied, more than beside himself while lost in the throngs of pleasure. Carried away now as one hand tenderly cups the juncture of your throat and his lips brush contrastingly tender kisses to the space below your ear. Gripping your hip as he pins you to the mattress in one swift motion, watching himself disappear into your divine heat once more before you pull him down to you. Clawing at his shoulder blades like the momentary distance was an utter betrayal and he hums against your lips, parting again but not nearly as far. 

Just enough to look you in the eye, the tips of your noses almost brushing and warm breath fanning over flushed cheeks when he asks, “want me to breed you? Want me to fill you full until it sticks?” 

Wholly aware of how deranged that comment is considering he’d just met you but he doesn’t care and by the way you keen so prettily you don’t seem to hate the idea either.

Far from.

Moaning out in pitched whines near bordering screams, silencing yourself sinking your teeth into the soft flesh and taut muscles of his trapezius. You can feel his release nearing, feel him twitching within your walls but he’s being generous; shoving his hand where your bodies meet and pressing his thumb to your swollen bud so at the very least you can experience sweet rapture first. 

And you do, quickly. 

It only takes a few hasty yet methodical circles before you finally, finally, finally climax, gasping for air and convulsing against him in a shuddering orgasm with his name on your tongue. 

The intensity of your own high hurdles Tenko into his own demise, spilling his release into you seconds after yours racks through you and milking each jerking thrust he gives. It takes a moment before you both regain your bearings, labored breathing slowing into even drags with his softening cock still buried inside your warmth. 

Lamenting the lost feeling of complete fullness when Tenko untangles himself from you to rise from bed. Sitting up after him, delightful daze doused by a metaphorical bucket of frigid water as you assume the worst when Tenko reaches for a clean rag from his nightstand to clean himself up. 

Suddenly a little self-conscious as you lift your arm to cover your exposed breasts. Clenching your thighs when you kick them over the side of his bed at the warmth that seeps from your abused cunt. Already searching for your clothes thinking you’ll be told to leave soon.

Tenko frowns when you reach for your discarded garments, gently taking your hand as your fingers grasp at your abandoned sweater. Raising your hand while stroking himself erect once more, “we’ve still got time,” bending at the waist to be within your field of view before pulling you to stand with him. Tentative smile spreading on your lips as Tenko steps backwards and guides you to follow until he’s sat on the edge of Touya’s bed, pulling you to straddle him.

“I like to play games to completion,” the line is corny admittedly and it makes you giggle but that’s subconsciously what Tenko wanted. For you to relax once more because he truly has every intention of still being buried to the hilt in you when Dabi came back from class.

[webslingingslasher]

I'm craving angst right now. like I want my heart to hurt. probably sounding insane right now lmao. brb I'm gonna read your fics to feel the hurt. hope you're doing well <3

does this work? i almost teared up reading this, my brother is going through a really tough break up so this hits different (taylors version.)

You know what part of a break up they never talk about? 

They prepare you for the heartache, and it goes beyond what anyone could try to prepare you for. It’s a pain you’ve never felt before, it was weird experiencing such intense emotional pain it caused physical pain. Everything hurt, your knees were wobbly but your feet felt like lead. Your head was dizzy and painful, your chest was tight and burning, your stomach was in knots. 

It was the worst six weeks of your life. You’d never wish it on anyone, not even your worst enemy, no human should ever experience something that agonizing, ever. 

But the real kicker, the real true gut wrenching, awful, excruciating thing about a break up? 

Is watching them move on. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the gut punch you felt when you saw Peter holding hands with another girl, the air left your lungs entirely. You clawed at your throat gasping for air, you felt like you were about to pass out. 

Because it hit, reality hit. 

Peter wasn’t yours. 

He wasn’t yours anymore and you can’t pretend he would come back, he may have broken up with you but there was always that silent prayer that he’d come back, begging for a second chance, pleading that he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t mean it. 

That would never happen, he has someone else now. 

Someone who’s going to touch him like you did, someone who’s going to feel like arms tracing down your body like he did, someones who’s going to laugh at him like you did, someone who’s going to hold his hand and kiss his face and give him hugs and play with his hair and wear his clothes and go on dates and feel his skin. 

Someone’s who's going to love him like you do. 

It wasn’t right, you felt betrayed, how could he do this? 

Doesn’t he know he’s not supposed to move on until both people fall out of love? 

Doesn’t he know you’re never going to fall out of love? 

You feel like you’re about to have a panic attack, how did he do it? How did he just leave it all behind? How can he act like it didn’t affect him too, like the meteor strike didn’t hit? 

You need to go home, you need to go home and crawl into bed and not leave until you can mentally prepare yourself enough to see him, see him with another girl. 

See him happy. 

Didn’t he know you were supposed to be the one that made him happy? 

He was the one that made you happy, you haven’t smiled in months. 

Peter left and took your joy with him, he’s given it to someone else now. 

You feel your legs move but you’re not in control, flight is taking control and you’re backpedaling out of the school doors, you take yourself all the way home and curl under the blankets, nothing feels right or normal or fine. 

And no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop watching them hold hands, can’t stop seeing Peter’s thumb swipe across the back of her hand like he did yours, six weeks ago. Even the tears seeping out couldn’t blur the vision. 

You wanted to text him. 

You’d imagine what you’d say. 

How did you move on so quickly? 

Do you ever miss us? 

Why did it happen like that? 

What happened to us? 

Did the love affair maim you too? 

I haven’t slept since that Tuesday you ended it. 

No, they wouldn’t bring closure, and you needed that, didn’t you? 

You pick up your phone, his contact still has a heart by it.

 The day you erase it is the day you die.

You give in, maybe if he knows how much you’re willing to change it’ll work. 

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy anymore, but I tried.’ 

‘I know you did.’ 

You didn’t need to say anything else, he already did. 

It wasn’t enough. 

[openphrase123]

what are you trying most to communicate in inutile? like, what themes, concepts, emotions do you intend to convey?

so i don't want to show my ENTIRE hand with inutile. and i'm sure the mystery is part of the Fun of it. so instead of me spelling out everything one-by-one. for now i'm just going to ask You a bunch of questions :) and i hope you have fun extrapolating based on how you answer these to yourself!

(one day i will likely do a post-mortem on inutile and what Exactly i was doing. i usually do that for fics. but until then.... here :3)

weird to say but uh. spoilers for my fic below. also isat spoilers. but i feel like if you're reading my fics and isat spoilers bother you then there's another problem happening

so the first thing is just taking inutile at face value - it's a mirabelle looping fic with a few canon divergences. but also if i wanted to do that straight i could have just started with the loops. there's nothing in inutile i've brought up that couldn't be explained in a few flashback chapters, so at first glance it's like... why?what's so important about following mirabelle this far back from canon?

you may notice that siffrin in this fic is being set up with INSANE main character energy. in-game they're written primarily like they're a late-game addition to a long RPG. but in inutile it's like. ohhh you're literally a star from the sky you're so special you're cool and mysterious. you have beef with the euphrasie and the king pre-canon. and yet this entire thing is from the mirabelle POV.

it almost makes you think. why does mirabelle have to be here for this? if i'm worldbuilding the islanders as being Cool Literal Sky People what is mirabelle here for? why is she necessary?

hm. moving on.

yes, she's necessary because she's a sponsor, isn't she? but she's not a sponsor because she's special. she's the one that called siffrin down to earth. she was lonely and dragged someone out of their home to be her friend. siffrin kind of needs her to function, and because she can't help them function in the capacity she's supposed to, he's basically going through a non-looping version of act 5 in the house.

if mirabelle ever learns about this and can hold it in her head for long enough to consider it fully, how do you think that would affect her?

anyway.

so you have a Literal Star From The Sky and Some Random Girl From A Small Village. and the two of them are supposed to be friends.

mirabelle has a lot to see in siffrin. they're cool, they know lots of things, including an entirely forgotten form of craft! they're magic and they help her even if it hurts him to. he's literally here on earth to help her be less lonely. that's their job.

but what good does siffrin see in mirabelle, past the fact that he's written to be magically inclined to seek her out?

one day, this fic will have mirabelle leave the house.

blessed by "the change god", followed by a star, joined by someone who's better at changing than her, someone who's better at craft than her, someone who's better at keeping the team happy than her.

it almost seems like she's... extraneous. unnecessary.

useless.

and that's what inutile is about.

[ichiners]

Why iro doesnt get along (my thoughts on them)

Ichimatsu at the very beginning was marketed as unpredictable and kind of insane bc he didn’t reveal his thoughts to people and would happily join in to torment someone else. 

But they still kept playing with that concept of him being an unsociable beast. Just bc his brothers know he’s a softie doesn’t mean everyone else does! And just because he’s a softie doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his mean streaks! 

By the second season, Ichimatsu-sama was pretty much gone. Scrubbed clean of his unfriendly persona for whatever reason– but within canon there has to be some kind of explanation.

I like to think Ichimatsu got tired of doing it (pretending is hard when you’re a depressed introvert, even if you’re doing it for the bit).

So now he’s just some guy that likes cats and has social anxiety. He still keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself.

Initially, Karamatsu’s flamboyance was played up extremely. He was too confident for how tacky and loud he was. He legitimately couldn’t read the room. Karamatsu is met with different levels of exasperation (most notably from 110– the most self aware guys of the bunch).

This really really irritated Ichimatsu. S1e16 revealed he was jealous of him (and that osomatsu is a really good way to break their tension. If you’re ever stuck finishing an iro conversation, osomatsu’s like really annoying social lubricant).

He’s both jealous bc he wants that confidence and appalled because how can someone parade themselves like that? Karamatsu’s confidence is something that can be marveled at, but isn’t something a lot of people would realistically try to copy.

So what’s their deal?

I see a lot of people try to write iro bond over their shared struggles. They’re both easy to bulldoze and they try to hold their tongue until they can’t anymore. Funnily enough, they’ll still use each other when possible. They either haven’t realized how similar they are, or they just don’t care (most likely the latter).

What makes them the most similar is the fact that they’re avoidant of their problems. They’re shy. They’re introverted. They both prefer to be told what to do. They don’t like voicing their true opinion.

So what makes them different and unable to get along with each other? Their levels of self awareness and emotional intelligence. 

Ichimatsu can and will read the room. Karamatsu will choose to do it whenever it’s most convenient for him. He chose to read the room during the Ichimatsu incident, because he wanted to avoid embarrassing both himself and Ichimatsu. He chose not to see what was potentially going on when Choromatsu dyed his hair, because the situation doesn’t affect him at all. He couldn’t have known what was going on, but instead of taking a second to see if something was going on, he bulldozed the conversation and made everything worse. 

 More than anything though, it’s their preferred method of coping with their insecurities. 

So if they’re similar, why are they so awkward with each other?

The main reason why people have such a hard time making them relate to each other ( there are a lot of contrived fic ideas to make them bond) is bc they both would rather die than open up to someone like themselves.

Both of them already have a hard time opening up to others (esp nyanko; pizza) and if they’re going to go through the trouble of opening up to someone they’re not going to do it with someone who can’t or won’t help them.

Ichimatsu’s entirely too awkward to be of help to anyone and Karamatsu doesn’t have the emotional capacity to handle other people’s feelings in a sincere way. He might care, but caring isn’t always enough to make the situation better. People that are emotionally avoidant the way they are can’t help others out very much.

Karamatsu can help out if you’re having a bad day but he can’t help out if you’re depressed. He’s not the kind of person who can treat a root cause. Ichimatsu might give making your bad day better a shot, but he’s easily discouraged. He, too, is not equipped to handle something as permanent and prevalent as mental illness. 

Ichimatsu prefers extroverts (see: jyushimatsu, osomatsu) and karamatsu prefers people who are capable of socializing (see: totty, osomatsu, choromatsu). 

They’re also both passive characters and want to be led. Karamatsu wants to lead under very limited circumstances. He’ll lead when someone is below him on the hierarchy, even if they’re normally higher than him or more socially dominant (ep s1e24; s2 beach episode when they’re looking at girls). He would much rather be told what to do (within reason).

Ichimatsu steps up when there’s an opportunity and when he absolutely has to. Or he has to be fed up with the situation. Or there’s a chance to make fun of someone. He’s not immune to the hivemind and enjoys actively participating in it like everyone else. 

Otherwise he’d rather not be involved.

Tldr; it's very hard for iro to get along. Not impossible, but theyre the type to have fleeting moments of peace more so than a consistently pleasant relationship. Even if they wanted to get along they have 4 other brothers that are substantially easier to get along with.

[dnfao3tags]

Monthly Fic Roundup - March 2023

hellooooo :]

if you liked the fic, dont forget to kudos and leave a comment (no matter how small) !

— Do Androids Dream of Poetry? by ABirdWithoutFeathers (teen | comp. | 3k)

> Happy birthday!! Who are you? > My name is George! it is so, so nice to finally meet you. What is a birthday? > It’s the anniversary of the day you come into existence, when you start being. Today is your very first day in the world. Oh. Well, what do I do now?

— like slush & kissing by findingahome (teen | comp. | 2k)

Dream eats all of the frozen mangos; chaos ensues.

— kiss me like your fantasy by astroscythe (teen | comp. | 3k)

George asks Dream to help him practice kissing, and Dream is too (jealous) nice to say 'no.'

— purple (you've had too much) by crabnap (expl. | comp. | 8k)

Dream learns something new about George after a night of drinking. He can’t get it out of his head.

— i'll take what i can get by demonstars (mature | comp. | 20k)

George going insane, in full resolution.

— all of you, a verb in perfect view by findingahome (mature | wip | 11k+)

despite being soulmates, they do nothing about it (well, okay, maybe not nothing).

— infinitely ordinary by twostorms (teen | comp. | 5k)

3 times George and Dream's secret relationship isn't much of a secret—and the one time that it is.

— karma is a cat purring in my lap by jack_not_found (gen | comp. | 2k)

Patches misses George while he's away.

— from the outside by nervouswaltz (gen | comp. | 3k)

Tina and George find some common ground in the stupidity of boys.

— one way ticket by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 60k)

George's family tells him he has to either get a job or go back to school... so in May of 2019 he applies to university in Florida and shows up on Dream's doorstep. Neither of them are really expecting Dream's youtube channel to blow up just after George moves in.

— invisible string by womanhunt (mature | comp. | 4k)

The sight is one that leaves him lightheaded. George is in his chain, and the way it looks sitting against his neck is breathtaking. “Now we match.” George seems elated at the idea, reaching out to squeeze Dream’s thigh as he says it. “Well, I mean,” Dream responds, unable to tear his eyes away from the chain. “Not really. They’re not, like, exactly the same.” “We match, Dream.” George emphasizes, reaching up to hold the chain around his own neck between his fingers.

— Cartwheel by ivegivenuponyou (expl. | comp. | 5k)

George gets too drunk and can't help but let everything fall apart.

— you'd be glad to say you know me (satisfaction guaranteed) by lovestruckdaggers (teen | comp. | 7k)

george is head over heels for the witty morning announcer in his school, dream. he also despises clay, the guy who keeps stealing his seat in compsci. shenanigans ensue.

— covid fics by tippysleeps (series | 4 works | teen, mature, expl. x 2 | 6k)

fics written when diseased. quality may vary.

— The Indiscriminate Indulgence of Morning Affection by lasciviess (expl. | comp. | 8k)

People can only withstand so much before they eventually give in, and that's exactly what Dream and George are: run-of-the-mill people who also happen to have been painfully infatuated with each other for somewhere between two and five years. The night that they finally break, it's like every single thing falls into place between them and the world finally snaps to its axis. Despite the fact that so many questions and uncertainties still remain when George wakes up the next morning, he knows that everything will eventually be alright as he watches Dream sleep the minutes away. What he doesn't know is exactly how much the stolen clothing he wears will affect Dream the moment he wakes up, and exactly how the man he just admitted to loving will choose to deal with it.

— out of focus by lodestones (gen | comp. | 3k)

The first time Hannah suspects that there’s something between Dream and George, she convinces herself she’s just reading into things.

— in the place of you & me by Orlaith (expl. | wip | 4k+)

Dream and George dated in 2019, but George, insecure and a world away, ended things. Now it's 2022, George is moving to Florida, and neither of them ever really stopped loving the other.

— every doorway and doorframe by wooowriter (mature | comp. | 36k)

in the interim of waiting to be with Dream, George starts sleeping with Wilbur.

— tonight i'll sleep with the dream of you by charoo (gen | comp. | 3k)

five times george fell in love with dream in person and the one time he realized dream had fallen in love with him.

— show me all your rings by preytall (expl. | comp. | 1k)

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Dream almost doesn't hear the words for the shape of his mouth as it forms them, and his response is reflexive, buying time: "Like what?" A laugh, some of its punch undercut by his panting, because Dream is still stroking him. "Like I've got something on my face." "You do." He could play it off but opts to play into it, instead. "You have two eyes... a nose... a mouth..." It's lame and obvious; George smiles, anyway, and shakes his head slightly. "Which one, Dream?" "Your mouth," Dream admits.

— the thought of it’s enough by mieldoux (expl. | comp. | 15k)

Dream and George haven’t had sex, but they’ve toed the line a few times.

[practically-an-x-man]

Director’s commentary on Broken Pieces?👀👀👀

I’m still insane about it a week later

Oooooh, absolutely!! This was one of my favorite fics to write, we're gonna have fun with this one >:)

Link to the ask game here, link to the original fic here (heavy whump warning to those who haven't read it)

And of course... we're putting this under the cut for space, cause I'm about to ramble HARD.

____

Eris hummed a half-conscious affirmative and turned over in the bed, pausing only to snatch the pillow from Rick’s side of the bed and bury his face in it. Maybe these past few years had softened him, spending damn near every night asleep in bed like any other human. There were only three reasons the habit had stuck: sleep felt good, being well-rested kept her strong and agile, and… Rick. The nights, in the quiet and the solitude, were about the only time she could allow herself to be soft for him. And most people spent a third of their lives asleep - that was whole years carved from his already-limited lifespan to be spent apart, unless of course they spent it with him.

It's always interesting to see how Rick softens Eris through them living together. Their relationship is really unlike anything I've ever written before, and if you ever decide to read the other pieces in their collection, you'll notice a running theme of "actions speak louder than words". Eris loves to poke fun at Rick and rarely expresses their affection verbally. But at the same time, he's always looking to protect Rick from threats when they're in battle, he chooses to share an apartment and even a bed with him though they could live anywhere they want to, she allows herself to be perceived by him in these quieter moments (when she only ever lets others see her as sharp and contrary), and he proves that he knows Rick's habits, likes, and dislikes almost as well as Rick knows them himself.

Rick of course is candid about his affection towards Eris, in both words and actions, but Eris' is shown simply in the fact that they, a being known for conflict and battle and violence, choose be gentle with him.

Eris blinked in the darkness, forcing his eyes to make sense of the shadows. For just an instant they shuddered, their vision rippling faintly before resolving into crisper focus. She slid out of the bed like a whisper through the night, hackles raised.

Not sure how clear this was to someone newer to Eris as a character, but she's utilizing her shape-changing here. He's just shifted his eyes into that of a lion's, his other form, so that he can see more clearly in the darkness. I wanted to make this subtle, since I felt that more detail would break the tension of the scene, but I also wanted to show Eris instinctively making use of their assets in an uncertain scenario.

Something shifted from behind him, and cold metal kissed his skin for the briefest instant before sliding easily into his flesh. Eris felt a momentary burst of pain- then absolutely nothing, as the knife danced between his cervical vertebrae and his whole body went slack.

Funny enough, this little moment is inspired by one of my favorite book series of all time, the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaeffer. It's a sci-fi series that places cryptids and mythological creatures from around the world into the modern world, and it gets super dark at times!! In the third book, the main character paralyzes a vampire (known to heal so quickly a straight fight would be almost impossible) by slipping a knife between his cervical vertebrae, then leaving the knife there so he can't heal the tissues and regain movement.

Anyway, it's a fantastic book series, highly recommend for a whump fan such as yourself. I could go on a whole separate ramble about why I love that series, from the spec-bio to the casual diversity to just how exciting the plot is.

“It’s awake.” someone said. Eris’ eyes found the source of the voice quickly - a bespectacled doctor in a bloodstained lab coat, holding something red and visceral in his gloves.

Ah yes, That Moment. I intended for this to be one of the most chilling moments of the fic - the moment the reader realizes they're in for some damn dark whump, and the moment Eris realizes they may genuinely have been outplayed. And of course, the first sign that the scientists don't see him as anything more than a mass of tissue.

His ribs had been opened, splayed to either side and baring his entrails to the air. There was a lot of blood- and a lot of pain, though he sensed that his body was blocking the worst of it to keep him lucid. Already they could feel their tissues straining to regenerate, staunching blood and building new tissue where their organs had been taken from them.

This was actually the moment I based the whole fic around. I had the mental image of a highly regenerative meta being forced to literally look at their own organs being removed, with their ribs opened like it was a high school dissection, and I effectively built the rest of the story around it. Technically this fic is listed as being based on a two-line prompt, but the truth is that I had this concept a few days before and then fit the prompt into it.

The doctor drove a scalpel into the delicate skin of their throat. The blow was deep but well-placed, and Eris’ voice cut off with a creak and a spray of blood. The blond wiped off his blade with a look of satisfaction on his face.

Another moment here based on the Market of Monsters series :) Same book, same characters, same chapter even. The main character gets tired of the vampire droning on and decides to silence him by severing his vocal cords with a scalpel. It's just so undeniably cold, it's such an incredible villain moment to me.

Yet their strength fled. Their vision swam, blurring into loose smears of color. The sharpness of blades in her abdominal cavity softened to only a vague, dreamlike pressure. They’d begun to suspect it wasn’t only nutrients being introduced to their blood. Eris let out a weak groan, only dimly noticing that her vocal cords had sewn themselves back together.

If they were at full strength, the sedative wouldn't have much of an effect on Eris. His healing factor is fast enough to nullify most drugs and alcohols, excluding only the ones intentionally made for metas with rapid healing factor like his own. This effect here is a combination of two things: a sedative made for metas specifically, and Eris' body being focused on regenerating the vital needs first.

Unless Rick had been killed. In the scope of this operation, what was one more body? And surely these doctors would know that he’d come for them, that he’d stop at nothing to rescue her. It was possible, even likely, that they’d slashed him down the moment he stepped out to investigate the music. There was a sharper tug, deep in her chest, and one of the scientists drew back with something glistening in his hands. Eris watched his heart kick out a few dying beats as the doctor placed it into an ice chest. It left him feeling hollow, drained and empty though the device on the cart kept his blood coursing steadily through his body. He wondered, distantly, how much of him was left, and how much they’d already carved away.

Genuinely my favorite little moment in this fic, and nobody seems to have picked up on it from just a raw read as of yet: Eris' heart is removed immediately after they assume Rick has been killed. How's that symbolism for ya?

It was terrifying to be seen this way, merely parts of a whole. For all her life, for every torture she’d been put through over the centuries, there was nothing quite like this. In a strange way, the indifference was worse than maliciousness. Anger was personal, directed. Anger required her to be seen as a person- or if not a person then a monster, an animal, but a living thing. And Eris thrived in conflict. But this? This was impersonal. Impartial. He might as well have been a side of beef in a butcher’s shop. He couldn’t draw off their anger because there was no anger to draw off of. They silenced him, cut his vocal cords and removed his lungs, because they didn’t want to admit he was a conscious creature.

Another reason Eris is weaker here than they normally would be - it's not just that he thrives in conflict emotionally, his powers literally draw off of it. Her healing gets faster, her reflexes get sharper, she grows more powerful. The fact that these scientists don't have any emotional connection to her, positive or negative, is genuinely more detrimental to her than if they'd been angry and careless about the injuries they caused.

On a deeper level, I wanted to make it clear that Eris is genuinely in a situation where they can do nothing, and the details just stack up against them. They're too injured to shape-change without ripping themself apart, their body spends so much energy healing that the sedative affects them heavily, there's no ambient conflict or anger to boost their powers, and the one person who would immediately jump to their rescue rather than assuming they could escape on their own (Rick) might already be dead. Eris is an incredibly strong and capable metahuman, especially in conflict, but literally everything in this situation plays against them.

“Eris- c’mon, darlin’, talk to me. You still in there? Tell me you’re still with me, wartime, please.”

Not really director's commentary, but can you imagine how it must feel on Rick's end to encounter this? I mean, he's seen them heal from all kinds of gruesome injuries, but they're literally hanging from chains with their ribs opened, missing most of their organs, and barely even conscious enough to look in his direction. The metahuman who he thought to be effectively immortal is now closer to death than he has ever seen them. That's legitimately scarring.

“You’re lucky I love you, Flag,” she muttered, “This sort of extortion would get anyone else killed, you know.”

Two comments on this:

They're not kidding. If Eris doesn't want to do something, she doesn't do it. If someone tries to press the issue, they're likely to end up killed- or at the very, very least, abandoned where they stood. It goes back again to that theme of actions speaking louder than words: Eris listens to Rick here, and with shockingly little argument.

2. In all of the fics I have written for Eris, they only ever say "I love you" three times (I literally checked this in my master document for their fics). Once here, after the deepest whump I've ever written. Once in Lost Gods, in which Eris is confronted by an eldritch monster that nullifies their healing factor and they genuinely feel that both he and Rick will die. And once in a heavy angst snippet, in which Rick dies right in front of them (it's a low-grade AU for the sake of angst). Technically I have them saying it once more, in an outline for a future piece following the battle with Peacemaker in Corto Maltese (in my version of it, Eris intervenes but Rick still gets badly hurt, and would have died without a blood transfusion from Eris' regeneration-rich blood), but I haven't written that piece yet. [Side-side-side note here, the scientists talking about how a meta's blood can boost an ordinary person's healing is also a setup for that piece, since I like to establish things early and keep them consistent so it doesn't end up feeling like a deus ex machina] Either way, that should give you some scope for how rarely Eris expresses their feelings candidly through words. Eris still does express affection verbally, but it's usually either subtle ("Can you put your seatbelt on?" in A Fool's Errand, or "I just want to keep you around, Flag" in Acrimony) or possessive ("You're mine. Until they put you in the ground, you're mine." in Whatever Keeps You Around, or a similar sentiment in that same angst snippet I talked about before). Eris' softer moments are told through actions, not words. The times when they do use words so candidly are almost always the times one or both of them are in grave danger and they might not get another chance to express those feelings.

[scp-ao3-author]

Hi! Do you have any stories about the origin of something you wrote?

OH OH OH OH OKAY

SO UHHH LETS JUST DO THEM ALL

Lightning:

Lightning was my first attempt at a 100k fic. its currently on anonymous because I have a firm belief that A Certain Author is reading my work and that is very scary. There was an actual draft that made it TO 100k, but the plot sucked?

Like I detailed every moment of Y/N from birth to SCP Foundation because I was a very "Grrr... Accuracy" guy. and then I had an entire subplot between y/n and kondraki, which inevitably fails. there was a whole thing of Y/n's brain being fried from amnestics and someone was like "this is actually stupid :/" so i ended up rewriting it with whatever I pulled from my ass.

Confession booth:

Confession booth was supposed to be a crack fic. surprise surprise. my (ex) friend wanted me to write a crack fic of clef in a priest outfit. but he didnt seem... like the kind of guy to just do that for no reason? at least back then I figured him to be like that guy. since then, I have grown to learn more about clef so in hindsight, I would like to rewrite some of my older stories to be more fitting. But I made a plot to rationalize Priest Clef and well. thats what was created.

Hold The Line:

I was maladaptive Daydreaming to Give and Take by Poor Mans Poison and i thought I was going to die if i didnt share the thoughts in my head.

The Only World You Know:

I got tired of Iceberg being shitty and pathetic with no backstory. Had to flesh that sad little milkshake

Take the seeds:

Fin.

Memory:

I always had the headcanon that Francis had legitimately worked in the Foundation as a system well before taking control as Dr. Clef. But one of the questions that always begged in my head was like... How would he have reacted with the other staff? I experimented with Kondraki, who also went through his original change. The idea of Kondraki being part of the Montauk Procedure and spiraling actually came from Author Kondraki's old blog. the rest I pulled out my ass with the help of a few friends. The original story was supposed to be "They hate each other, but begrudgingly are forced to get along. thats it." but people were ADAMANT about making them fall in love. it was mildly uncomfortable but i rolled with it and i will admit. I kind of like how it turned out apart from the last chapter.

Its Like Dying:

I wanted to write a followup to Memory about how Francis affected Kondraki's life in such a way that when Kondraki finally realized he cared, it had been too late to actually follow through on that. He takes this out towards Clef, the man who suddenly appeared after Francis Dissapeared, but eventually learns to accept when something is gone forever, and hopefully when i get around to it again, he will move towards actually accpeting clef into his life, not knowing that hes the only other person who will treat him like hes not insane for knowing Francis Existed.

I Am Ready To See You Again:

its supposed to be like a ressurection idea not FOR resurrection but similar. they wake up, everything is new and strange. and different. but as they explore the memory of their previous lifetime goes away, and they have to adjust to their own world. It centers mainly around A Major what with their multi universal knowledge? the idea was SUPPOSED to be that at least. I got the intro out and.... I lost all my notes apart from "Gears finds 173"

They Dont Even Have Dental:

This was supposed to be a silly joke seminar about Clef hating the GOC for not having dental, a running gag between some of my friend groups. its like an unspoken agreement. that place sucks, they dont have dental. and then i planted a cute little bit of plot at the end for an... upcoming show im working on. dw. ill share the script.

when its done.

Francis Disturbed:

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

HHHH OKAY SO.

this was built off of a million headcanons swirling in my little head, but the final headcanon that broke the google doc was this:

Francis was a premature baby.

lemme break this one down im a bit excited lol

in 4231, Francis loved lily. alot. and it hurt him because she hurt him, but he stayed nonetheless. that, plus having DID? probably meant that it was VERY unlikely he had a stable family life growing up. dads out of the picture, type greenery adapted at a young age... you know? it adds up. then there was the stuff about agora. I thought...

I honestly thought that Agora was laying the self-shaming and "I should have killed my son" stuff a bit... i hated it. Like it was good but it rubbed me the wrong way a little and after a moment im like... "What if... i worked with that idea?" and created a story about Francis' childhood dynamic. this is where it gets fun:

Ive been planning the next chapter for a little while now, but this all happened during a time period in which I did not EXIST, so i have to go around my writing carefully. the next chapter is going to be the after effects of what... Agora... Did... and after THAT we get to see Francis entering the GOC, and what happened to him in the Ichabod Campaign.

it gets a little funny there was going to be a bit where ukulele gets a balloon tied to his arm so his team can find him off-missions.

Now. this wont make sense, until you SEE the chapter but... I cant continue writing the story until I get a physical copy of IT by stephen king....

and i dont live near a library or book shop OR thrift store that has it.

And I hate amazon.

A Different Shade OF Green:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD

HHHHH lemme grab my notes uhhhh ADSOG has been planned for a WHILE

ACTUALLY HERES THE DRAFT

FAIR WARNING: TREAT this story like it is NOT the actual bones of ADSOG on AO3. I kind of just kept rambling, I wanted an arc for a story where Blackbird takes an interest into Francis, but it ultimately doesn't work out, ukulele appears more. Adam is a dick. Ten is more active in the story too. there's SO many differences between this and the actual story. AND the format is FUCKED

ADSOG was supposed to be a single one shot, where seven confronted clef about his issues. She responds to his dickish behavior by shoving a spoon into his face, and he replies by biting into it and slowly chewing it while they make eye contact. that was ALL the story was supposed to be. then i was like "I like the barber scene." that is actually a one shot on its own that i just blended into the draft and main story. there are SO gonna be more scenes in the main story where francis is stimmming. at some point or another though i had at one point built SO many one shot stories on them that i just said fuck it and made it all one big story and

oh my god.

you are going to cry at the ending.

Orangechild:

uhh this was actually a full narrative but then i hit up @tickedtimebomb and was like "give me a line that fucks and ill turn it into a poem" and that's how I got "and then i fed the world my soul" WHICH IS ALSO REFRENCED IN THE DRAFT OF ADSOG

idk if anyone's noticed or not but i have a million little red strings tying all of my story together. :D

Coworker activites:

I just like john's work.

stop dicking around mann:

every kondraki ship has its bottle dick chapter.

intervention:

fin

eye for an eye:

Eye for an eye was created with the ongoing concept of "4231-a comes back, how will clef react?" but instead of the "he would cry and die" I decided to go for a "He's going to be pissed."

taphestry:

I REALLY LIKE JOHNS WORK

it is a vacation:

I had a silly idea of the doctors being sent to antarctica and i played with it a little with mattastr0phic because I wanted myriad in the story. I had another friend who helped me with the iceberg bit too. <3

in cod we trust:

I just wanted to give Cimmerian some shit.

apples and oranges:

I take commissions for writing. I was paid to make this, that doesn't mean I don't love it though i have EVERY chapter preplanned. as of right now, unfortunately, I am on pause for my writing because I burned myself a little bit on regular writing and am just sticking to script writing for some *cough* shows.

Ketchup and Mustard:

I am preparing for something called a "Kingson bomb" which is: whenever i have an extra amount of money laying around, I grab some artists and nab them to make Kingson commissions, thus making a small vault of Kingson art. when I reach an unholy large amount, I'm going to blast @finiffy with it and fucking kill them. one of the people I commissioned said something along the lines of "They are so ketchup and mustard to me" and well. I had to do it.

Bear your tombstone:

The idea for this story was actually the fact that it was supposed to be its own chapter in Francis disturbed, but i got WAY to excited making it to the point I just uploaded it on its own.

Seventeen minutes:

i wanted to autism code kondraki and have others see my vision.

Something New:

I want a story similar to Memory, I am specifically making this in honor of Amones, who has absolutely INCREDIBLE art!!!!!

THEY ARE ALSO MAKING A REALLY COOL VIDEO GAME AKFSJDKLF

tales of a greyhound stranger:

THIS story was inspired by 4231 and personal experience, but not in a sad way. 4231 briefly mentions that Francis rides on the Greyhound, a bus station that's prominent in Europe and America. I also ride greyhound (and will be going partially across country in about a month) and sometimes when you use the bus system, you come across some... REALLY interesting people. I think Francis had a beautiful time traveling and ended up having fun once in a while with others. I think he deserves nice things.

[okthatsgreat]

i am GRABBING YOU and SHAKING YOU. did you know your mikane is the craziest. did you. did you know that. last chapter drove me so far up the wall i am still yet to calmndown...... poor mikan. imagine ur emotionally repressed gf runs away again only for two children w the exact same problem to come barging through your door.

i have so many things to ask........ but i shan't ask them all. please please tell me anything about ur ideas for mikane in general or in oppdmh bc they're the most crazy insane yuri ever. OH RIGHT YEAH AND. the actual question. obviously opddmh mikan still struggles with anxiety, but how do you think she's changed in mentality and issues after everything that came after danganronpa? any issues outgrown or gained? morphed in some way? love ur work so much every time. u made me pause my utena rewatch and that is such a big compliment u do not even know

GRABS YOU SHAKES YOUSHAKESYOU SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU

talking about this fic, as always putting the answer under read more for people who dont wanna read lol!!!!!!!

OHHH MY GOD IM INSANE ABOUT THEMM. went into this fic knowing that i wanted mikan and akane to have their own povs because i thought theyd bring different perspectives, especially in comparison to makoto's pov. i knew what i wanted mikans story to involve and i had a vague idea about akanes (fun fact rantaro was originally gonna be kaito LOL) and then like two chapters into writing mikans point of view i was like waiiiitttt a minute. wait a minute hold on. what if they were in love. and what if they were so not normal about it

it made so much sense for the story i wanted both of them to tell that immediately i went into my notes and started pivoting a few things LMFAO. i just think that their relationship (or their pining at least lol) is able to neatly underline some of their core themes/issues in this fic, whether that be for better or for worse. through the lens of their relationship im hoping to convey mikan's sheer capacity of worry and insecurity, how she finds it difficult to move through life without another person to rely on even if she has done a bit of growing since the simulator and how that dependency affects her. and then of course akane's emotional repression is highlighted through their relationship (her forgetfulness, her inability to communicate, LEAVING all of the time), but also it's a great reminder of just how protective akane can get even if she isn't there. not to mention how worried she gets about mikan despite her absolute refusal to worry.

they care about each other to the point of unspoken codependency and while it is absolutely making both of them feel safe and happy it is still a reminder of their underlying problems. akane would do anything to avoid somebody thinking she is weak enough to be cared for. but all mikan can do is care and care and care about her. both of them are so willing to shoulder the problems of the other but neither of them want to be seen as burdens, so all they end up doing is silently dance around their issues until eventually somebody caves. INSANE YURI MOMENT

mikan still absolutely has anxiety LMFAO and dare i say..... she's...... kind of better????????????????????? or maybe not actually. going into this i had to think about how to write these characters in a way that felt true to who they are but also remembering that they have GROWN, even if danganronpa really makes them feel as if they havent lol. this is a mikan who has likely endured years of therapy, even if that therapy is SHIT at best. this is also a mikan who has been shoved into the spotlight rather forcibly and has basically been given the choice to adapt or die. so i probably shouldnt say that shes "better", it's more that shes had to modify herself to fit this new lifestyle of hers. she hasnt been given much of a choice, and i imagine shes had a few years to really fuck up and struggle before reaching this point. she is constantly in the spotlight and basically always under scrutiny, so ive sort of swayed away from her wanting attention and focused more on how she reacts to this attention-- shes grown bitter from the negative and she doesnt think she deserves most of the positive. it's this hurricane of problems with mikan and a lot of it involves her own struggle to view herself as a good person, which stems heavily from the insecurities she already had in her game and intensified by what happened outside of it. years of being seen as this iconic chapter three killer has absolutely worn her down a bit, but there is still a part of her that yearns for control over her life and the people surrounding it. she is still SO anxious, ive tried to really hammer home quite a few recurring symptoms with her like her nervous tics, sickness/lack of appetite, hair shedding, etc!! and she is extremely bitter about how shes been treated, too, which im hoping to elaborate on further on down the line. however she really, REALLY can not be passing out in front of cameras or throwing any fits about the exploitation shes endured since shes been a teen because the company she works for wont accept anything that isnt on brand. and underneath it all shes still that scared little kid that desperately wants to please

she's an older mikan but she is still very much hurting, not necessarily any less but in a way that's a bit different if that makes sense :)

you are SO FUCKING NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333

[manawari]

Fanfic tropes

Thank you for the tag @tleeaves !!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

• -10 -> very dissuaded

• 0 - don't care either way

• 10 -> very enticed

• nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age Gap: 0/-3

That entirely depends on how big the age gap is. Overall, I don't care, but if I check the ages and my mind went "holy mother of @#&$" that's an automatic pass and I'll drop the story, so regardless of how good it is, the age gap still plays a part.

In my novel, I have a character who's immortal, but in the earliest draft, I made the character immortal for a long time, and after realizing how stories went for that route, I decided to change it and made the character become immortal for the first time — I've always wanted to write about someone coming in terms with their immortality for the first time, so that's an opportunity.

Codependency: 0

Again, this depends on how the trope is used. If the character has been traumatized so much and had nobody by their side to rely on found someone to let their guard down and entrust them with their pain that they had been holding on for too long, that's a plus for me! But if the character does nothing at all and acts their whole world revolves around character b, that's a no-no.

In my second novel, my main character lived in such an awful life, he grew up in the streets alone and had to fight in order to survive. He was alone and never had someone by his side. But when the survivors came, his life gradually changed, he learned to open up, yet found himself trusting Rebecca the most. He felt connected to her because of how similar they were and slowly, she became that one person whom he trusted to take care of him if his world crumbled.

Enemies to lovers: 10 (100 if I break the rules)

This is one of the tropes that get misunderstood a lot, but hey! That is measured by how an author handles this trope. But for me. . . AHSGJSGDJDHS FERAL FERAL FERAL!!!!! TWO PEOPLE SEEING THE WORST IN EACH OTHER AND EVENTUALLY APPRECIATING EACH OTHER??? GIMME THAT!!!!! Sometimes, enemies to lovers always end up in toxic relationships, which I tend to avoid in stories, but if I write in this trope, I will do my best to make it beautiful as possible!

I had this trope in my two novels, actually— one is Castriel and Rebecca (however, I'm not sure if I'll make these two officially go to the romance route, so don't get your hopes up no matter strong how their chemistry gets) and the other is Gani and Haliya (yeah, he saved her and her friend, but the real development starts when these two meet again 😈).

Enemies with benefits: -10

Sure, I read some fics with this trope, but that's out of boredom and I wasn't invested much, but this trope isn't in my list. Just. No.

Fake dating/relationship: 7

This trope is pretty hilarious! Especially when two characters hate each other, yet had to act like in a loving relationship — COMEDY!

Found family: 10 (100)

Ajsgsjdgsjgsjdgdh THIS TROPE!!!! I like this trope for both canon (if established correctly) and fanfic. Imagine a group of people who came from different backgrounds and eventually found the family they deserve? *melts*

All of my three novels have this trope! They built an unbreakable bond in such an unexpected place and— 🥹❣️

Friends to lovers: 10 (100)

I'm insane for this trope as much as I am for enemies to lovers (that also has a friendship stage)! There is something about friendship blossoming into something more and the relationship being "each other's best friend" and "all this time, I thought I'd never fall for someone until I found that person right next to me" that made my heart race ajgsjsgdkdhdkgsw

Almost every possible pairing in my novels have this trope, which must've been the reason why I think about those pairings all the time, especially the main ones.

Friends with benefits: -10

No. And I'll never understand this trope.

Love triangle: -10

When I was new to literature, this is one of the few tropes I frequently encountered. At first, it seemed fun, but as I grow, I realize how annoying this trope is and can disturb the plotline.

Mistaken/Hidden identity: 0

I haven't read or encountered anything that has this trope, so I don't have an opinion about it lol!

Monster Fu... Relationship: -10

First of all, WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS THIS?! Humans are such a weird species. . .

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc.: -10

Again, WHY?! This trope basically has walking red flags and walking colorblinds.

Opposites (like grumpy x sunshine, etc): 10

I admit, I like this trope very much that I inserted it on every pairing in my novels as possible XD. There's something that makes me go crazy over the love story and any relationship in general because regardless of the differences, they balance each other well.

Fire and water? Warm and cold? Light and darkness? You name it!

Poly: 0

Eh, I don't care much.

Pregnancy: 0

I don't care much either.

Second chance: 5

Okay, but almost every manhwa I read has this TROPE and the reason why I gave this a half is because sometimes, it gets overused and the MC becomes holier-than-thou due to his knowledge (also how the heck does reincarnated/reborn/second chance MCs remember every detail when I don't even remember what I ate last week) and eventually becomes boring.

Sex to Feelings: -10

No comment. Just -10.

Slow burn: 10 (100)

I SHALL OFFER MY SOUL AND MY WHOLE LIFE! THIS IS CRUCIAL TO EVERY TROPE (enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, and heck, friends to lovers) BECAUSE YOU'LL WITNESS THE SLOW AND PAINFUL DEVELOPMENT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE UNTIL THEY BECOME IDIOTS AND NO MATTER HOW FRUSTRATING IT GETS, AS LONG AS THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY ENDING I AM SATISFIED! This trope is one huge umbrella and ANYTHING can happen!

Soulmates: 5

If executed properly, then why not offer my soul too? The angst, the pining, the happiness, and the peacefulness once they meet at last 🥺💕

[queers-gambit]

Hi Cherry ❣️

Just wanted to let you know that you're a very talented writer, and everyone on here loves your fics, me included of course. Just in case you may doubt yourself honey 🥰🥺

So far I've read every single one of your Billy Hargrove fics and to say that you're one of my favorite Billy writers is an understatement. Up and Out is a personal favorite to be honest, it holds a special place in my heart. 🥺♥️ It's so rare to find Billy writers on here, most people misunderstand him, even fans and many Billy writers. Wether it be a Billy fan or a Billy hater, he is always seen as either :

a) a horrible abusive being who deserved everything that happened to him. Like for real, some people truly have no empathy for abuse victims, Billy isn't abusive, he is a victim who lashes out, there is a huge gap between the two. Of course lashing out at others isn't the way to go, but I strongly believe that Billy doesn't want to do any of that either, he feels deeply guilty for things he isn't responsible for (like his mother leaving him with his abusive dad) or for things that are beyond his control due to his overactive hypervigilence and trauma responses.

or b) the sex symbol. Like seriously, I know he is beautiful and all, but he is still a teenager. He should not be sexualized the way most people do on here. I rarely ever come across a fic that doesn't depict him as a sex icon. Yes, he is gorgeous, we all know that. Yes, he is hypersexual, we know that. But that's not ALL he is. He is SO MUCH MORE than that. And people forget that his hypersexual behavior is probably the result of some trauma. I feel like he secretly really wants affection, love, hugs and cuddles and validation. He is just too afraid to show the slightest ounce of vulnerability.

or c) the repressed gay sex symbol. Like. Okay, to each their own. But seriously. Him not showing affection towards the girls we saw him with (like Vicky and Tina for example) doesn't mean he isn't interested in women. It means he is a scarred traumatized young boy who doesn't know how to express affection in a healthy way. Just like Jim Hopper. They share some many similarities, it's just insane. Anyways, that's a just a thought.

Damn, I'm so sorry for my rambling, I got carried away. 😅 Thank you for giving us a more accurate representation of Billy Hargrove. ❣️ We need it. Please don't stop what you're doing. 🤍💕 You're talented, always remember that Cherry.🌷

you know what we're NOT gonna do? apologize to Cherry for sending her a message of ANY length! i adore your guys' messages, so, whether you write me 3 words, 10 words, 30, or 500, i'm really jazzed to read them all. welcome to my heart, poppet, i'm so very happy you're here to share with. thank you so so so much for the compliments and support! you sweetie pie, cutie patootie!

i feel like i rarely get conversations anymore, it's all requests; so this was a nice change of pace 'cause you're looking really deep into a character that had incredible potential, so it's really cool to form your own thoughts, ideas, emotions.

i think you made some interesting points about Billy's character. but in all honesty, he's such an ambiguous character that i like the idea that he's versatile; so there's no "wrong" Billy. but i appreciate you saying i represent him - he's a fun character to write for 'cause, again, he's versatile and anything goes for Billy Boy.

however, i want to remind you and anyone else of something.

YES, victims themselves can ALSO in turn become ABUSERS. it's a righteously toxic cycle. you know the phrase, "monkey see, monkey do?" it's very much similar to that. children see what mommy and daddy do, so they think it's acceptable behavior until someone later in life corrects them. but then there's also that phrase, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," so even if you were correct them, odds are, the lesson isn't going to stick because they're conditioned to believe, think, act, feel a certain way. the way the abusers programmed them to be.

it's a concept that i, myself, am still trying to learn. let me explain: i have an older sister who was abused by our mother and the first chance she got, she moved out. their relationship is MUCH better now, but it took years of therapy for my sister to cope with all that had been said and done. however, in therapy, she came to terms with the fact that our mother had been abused by her mother - our grandmother - who had been abused by HER mother - our great-grandmother.

my sister had to teach herself that this cycle was not a reflection on her as a person or as a daughter, but rather this was a generational curse that dates back way-back-when. so while it's like, yeah, our mother was abused by our grandmother, that still doesn't excuse 100% of what my mother did or said to my sister. see what i mean? yeah, my mother's a victim, but she didn't just continue the cycle of abuse but fanned the flames - marking her as an abuser, too. it's not her fault, it's not grandma's fault, it's not great-grandma's fault - it's a societal behavior that has never been kind to women in basically any culture, religion, region, tradition. however this doesn't mean we get to excuse abuse; accountability still needs to be held, wounds need to be healed, and justice needs to be shelled out.

Billy is still a kid, he's excused because he truly doesn't know right from wrong, but it's important to me that i reiterate that my writings are MEANT to romanticize toxic men and relationships. you should not entertain things that are not good for you, things that make you sick, things that cause harm - you do not deserve that kind of turmoil. please stay safe.

again, Billy is meant to be romanticized - but your real life situation is NOT to be. you are all so very special to me, i want you all to stay safe and know that should anyone need it, i'm here for any chat.

all of my love and all of my forehead kisses 🖤

( ps if you're wondering how my sister got abused and i didn't, i guess my mother didn't have the time because i was diagnosed at a young age with rare medical conditions that have kept me in and out of the hospital for over a decade. so maybe 'cause God was tryna unalive me, my ma didn't think to abuse me in the way she did my sister, but trust and believe, i had my fair share of bullshit )

[reallyintoscience]

Trope Game

Tagged by @notallsandmen 💖

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

* -10 -> very dissuaded

* 0 - don't care either way

* 10 -> very enticed

* nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age gap: -8 ( -10 — +5)

Oh this does open with the difficulties doesn't it.

I don't care one bit either way about age gaps.

I care very much about emotional experience gaps, which sometimes but not always correlate to age gaps.

It's all about the awareness and the agency. Would the younger/less powerful character be able to understand the situation and would they feel able and willing to say no? Would the older/more powerful character respect that? If yes, no problem.

Because this dynamic can squick me so hard, it is occasionally a kink, because brains do be like that.

For instance I'm totally insane about Anonymous' Lucy Locket, where Dream the Prince of Stories loves to play pretend with Hob in the form of an exploited sugar baby. Key here is that Dream and Hob are roleplaying and this isn't their whole relationship. (CW: CNC warning applies for Chapter 5.)

Codependency: +5

I love it when the pairing is a matched set, particularly from the perspective of an outsider. It's really fun if the character's don't realise themselves how much of a set they are. But I like this best when they *can* function well enough on their own - they usually start out as lone wolves, it must be said - but they are *miserable* without their person. They can survive but not thrive.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +10 (0 - -10)

Toxic trait to love toxic traits in my fiction? Oh well, here we are. I want my guys feral for each other and I want them to love that about one another. I'm here for the making each other worse.

Buuuut not if one of them is being controlling of the other. I hate that and I'll drop it right away if that dynamic shows up.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): 0

Neutral. I do tend to end up with this kind of pairing but it feels incidental rather than the instigating factor.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +7

Okay so I need for my pairing guys to like each other, to enjoy one another as people, but the absolute best version of that? Is when they really really don't want to like this dick. Or this dick, if you know what I mean.

Friends with benefits: +10

I love this because I'm like this but my favourite flavour is when this is the most important relationship each of them have even if they do not treat it as romantic. They might have other hookups this is Their Person.

Sex to feelings: 0

Neutral. I like it fine but don't seek it out.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

I like it but the reason I like it is that it frames two of my favourite tropes very well: pining, and "we're a team against the world". But the setup has to actually make sense, and not have everyone around them holding the idiot ball.

Friends to lovers: 0

Neutral, it's the setup for most fic I read just because there's where we start off.

Found Family: +5.

I love this in a very certain dynamic, my lone-wolf, everything-is-my-responsibility characters finding community and acceptance. But I love it when it manages to stay close to canon, and it's hard to do this with a lot of canons in a convincing way. There has to be a large enough cast of characters that I care about, and being a picky little creature as I am this isn't often the case.

Hurt/Comfort: 0

Eh. It's fine, but I don't like whump and depending who's tagging sometimes h/c is whump in disguise. More comfort than hurt pls.

Love Triangle: -5.

Very rarely does this exist in a satisfying way and when it does it's not a triangle anymore, it's a threesome. Now, if one of the characters *thinks* there is a love triangle and they're just so very wrong actually, aka the love is requited they're just idiots, then that's fine.

Poly, open relationships: 0

Open relationships tends not to work that well with my "totally feral about each other" kind of favourite dynamic, but it does work with the friends with benefits but still ride or die for each other kind. Poly is just fine but it depends on the fandom. The longer I'm in a fandom, the more OTP I tend to get. I start out shipping my One True Character with half the cast, and then I find the OTP and that's that.

Mistaken/hidden identity: -8 - 5

I *hate* mistaken identity, it gives me second-hand embarrassment. I will read it if the rest of the tags check out but I'll read it through my fingers and I won't enjoy it the first time. Once I know how it turns out I might love the story on second read but waiting to find out how someone is going to be Found Out As An Imposter is my horror story actually.

Hidden identity can be super fun though.

Monsterfucking: +10

I am a proud monsterfucker and I will read pretty much anything with this.

Pregnancy: -10 (+10)

Okay so I have a pregnancy squick and I do not want to read pregnancy or kidfic ... except if it's Dreamling and then I have a huge kink about it? I've been in fandom 28 years and I have never liked it and NOW. This one ship. I dunno.

Second Chance: + 4

The mutual pining and planning here can be really good. Depends why it didn't work out and what's changed to make it different this time.

Slowburn: +8.

Yes please. Build up those feelings until I want to yell at them, go on.

Soulmates: 0 (Meh)

I kind of love the kind where one half doesn't have a soulmark or has a bizarre soulmark, and thinks they are ~alone forever~ but actually it's supernatural shenanigans. That kind is fun. And I enjoy all the different sorts of worldbuilding that go into soulmate aus, when they're properly thought through.

Tagging @seiya-starsniper, @beatnikfreakiswriting, @ml-nolan , @chaosheadspace , @beholdme , @beholdingthegaytimes, @honeyteacakes and anyone else who feels like it!

[onwriting-hrarby]

hi hera, im rewriting this ask because my internet was slow and i dont know if it was sent thru 😭😭

im so in my feels i’ve been rereading a bit of IDNLUT, and its really so heartbreaking that mikasas dad had the shitty conscious to completely leave his family for another. it aches my heart to read whenever in mikasas pov the pain and insecurities she carried everytime she mentions or is reminded that her dad abandoned their little family for a white woman and their white child.

i feel really bad for mama sakura, the strength in the women under these situations is just insane. her husband didnt just leave her, he abandoned a whole ass child, his own daughter!!

in the fic mikasa is gradually reconciling with her father, and good for her and her peace but i dont know how she does it!! its so hard to wrap my head around characters like john, like hes playing God and just like nothing switching which woman and which child gets to be in the presence of his loving tender father/husband role. like its horrible, personally its unforgivable to me because the children in mikasa role are just left with so much trauma and thats so so unfair because why did their dad choose to hurt them and not the other.

(its so heartbreaking, i really want to hold IDNLUT baby mika)

i was wondering but only if you’re up for it 👉👈 would you be interested in writing a drabble or perhaps explaining a little more in detail:

1. john ackermans pov in the rawest honest form on why he had left his family for another. his desires, his selfishness and his regrets. (im trying to sympathise with him but its so hard 😅)

2. and if, whether he denies it or not, racism or racial preference had a role in his actions. (im asian, so i get it, theres an unfortunate beauty standard engraved in our minds and white women have that privilege)

(also when i think about it, IDNLUT john ackermans and RJ grisha somewhat plays the same role right?)

3. as a white man, does john ackerman acccctuallly understand mikasas insecurities and pain. especially racially, can he see mikasas perspective, does he get that mikasa sees her dad having a racial preference by leaving her asian mom and her for a white woman and her white child. (im just wondering if john actually evaluates the consequences of his actions, and that hes just not feeling bad and thats it lol (maybe i also just want to see the man in pain for the pain he caused his (our) favourite girl 🥺)

4. in this au, would mikasa ever fully lash out at her dad, like a full blownout confrontation or a full conversation where she lays eeeeverything, her hurt her pain her childhood trauma he caused her and her mother, i wonder if she demands answers and if hes able to give her them. (hehe would you ever write this as a drabble? but i would respect it if you dont want to!!)

i loooove this fic, thank you for sharing it with us. and sorry my ask is so long!!

Alright, dear anon, finally I have some time to delve into this. So, what can I say? I saw this ask first on Monday and it completely made my day. Not only to receive such a nice comment, but also from a reread and also from i did not live until today! I always worry my stories are not enough to make people want to reread (which is what I do with things i like a lot) so this anon made my heart flutter.

i'm so glad you pointed out to this flaw in mikasa's character. i got a lot of people who read the fic who didn't like how mikasa treated her dad and how her insecurities affected her life in general, and didn't like mikasa's character very much. i understand this happens because she's not an agreeable character, and we sometimes hate that she's so self-centered, especially towards sakura, because she only wants what's best for her. but people who grief are normally self-centered, so i wanted to delve into that and not make the protagonist be like a heroin. i'm so glad you feel for her and share her pov, really, justifice for mikasa!

you're right that grisha in RJ and john might be alike, but i think the difference in john is that he really fell in love with his new wife, and left the family because of love, and not so much because of prejudice. as you say, prejudice is very much there, although i don't think john is really aware of it—like an unconscious pull—and it's much more of something that mikasa projects. because i always tell everything from mikasa's pov, i play a lot with an unreliable narrator (not that "evident" though).

i don't think parents choose to hurt us purposefully. of course, it would be better for mikasa's health if the parents had stayed together under good circumstances, but when the circumstances are bad, or the love doesn't sweep through, believe me, it's better to divorce (both my boyfriend and me come from divorce parents, and our experience is very different, so i know both outcomes). in the end, growing up makes us realize that parents are their own people—they do not live to serve our wishes. they live to protect us, to make us grow, but we cannot submit them, i believe. when we are parents, we don't transform int just parents. we do not become different from what we were, we don't lose our personality or wishes. some wishes are not compatible with being parents, of course—but love is. and if someone doesn't find love in the parent they have around, we're people, and it's better to be a family if there is love and respect. at least that's what i thought and what i wanted to express!

okay, so onto your questions! i am going to drabble point 1, so let me go straight to the others (i don't know WHEN i'm going to write it, so please, bear with me, i'll upload it!)

2) whether he denies it or not, racism or racial preference had a role in his actions > as i said, i didn't plan john to be aware of it like grisha is. grisha does have inherent racism in it, and some of the decisions are very evident steeping from there. but john is not aware, even, that race might exist. i don't know if that makes sense. grisha would see sakura and see the race, while john doesn't really see it, but he still has a preference for the other because the other is "better". does it make sense? in that sense, john would be equivalent to Eren in RJ when he was a teenager (but without the violence that accompanies Eren). It's as if John had to pick between salad or soup, and he's been always told that salad is better. he doesn't really care about the difference between salad and soup, but he feels slightly pulled towards salad because of the discourse about salad and how good salad is. he also likes soup, but he can't say why he would prefer salad. i think a lot of racism nowadays is like this: people know racism is wrong, and they wouldn't care to be with someone from another race but they are still attracted to white people every time.

3) as a white man, does john ackerman actually understand mikasas insecurities and pain > he doesn't, no! also because a lot of issues from mikasa don't directly come from race, and the ones that do i feel like he might not really understand them because again he doesn't recognize his preference. but he knows that a lot of the issues that mikasa has are because of him leaving, and i remember that at some point they even talk it out! so he does feel guilty towards it.

4. in this au, would mikasa ever fully lash out at her dad, like a full blownout confrontation or a full conversation where she lays everything> oh, i will definitely drive it as a drabble! i will try to mix it with the 1st one. she definitely would. as i said, i think they touch the subject but i don't believe there's a full lash out! i picture mikasa after some years (before she goes to mitras with eren) talking it out with her dad, but calmly. i believe eren allows mikasa to open like a dam, so she knows how to express her feelings. mikasa's growth in IDNLUT i believe is about accepting the feelings and growing communication!

AGAIN i am so so so happy about your ask, and please do NOT hesitate to send me another one with your thoughts on this (if you have any) or if you were reading my work another way! i don't want to influence on your reading as an author, so do not fret if something wasn't as you were thinking: i love that everyone makes my work theirs!

[mechanicalinertia]

STMPD Recommends Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: Nemo Blank's Chaos Factor (Or, Ucchan is Best Girl)

Okay. Time for some changes around here.

Yes, that's right. You're not dreaming, dear reader. In my neverending Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath to waste my own time on the internet, I've decided to expand on beyond writing reviews of Bubblegum Crisis fanfiction to review... other fanfiction. My powers grow, and grow, and grow.

Okay, huge forewarning, let's just get it out of the way, I don't actually read a whole lot of Ranma fanfiction. I used to read a lot more, but my tastes always tended toward the somewhat shitty fanfictions, not the actually good ones. So I'm probably just gonna recommend two incredibly good Ranma fics, and then move onto other pastures. There's a particular Homestuck-Pacific Rim crossover I've always wanted to sell people on, stuff like that.

Anyway! Here's a good Ranma fanfiction, incomplete but uproariously funny and maybe too clever by half: Chaos Factor.

Well, then. What exactly is Chaos Factor about? It... um... well... fuck. Hang on.

Were this a fic with weaker writing, I would have a pretty hard time overlooking CF's tendency to veer wildly all over the place in terms of setting and what its attention is focused on. So let's start at the beginning: Ranma goes off to train in the mountains, is accosted by a soul-stealing demon, is saved by his Neko-ken being a giant spirit tiger that mauls the shit out of the demon - and wakes up to Ukyo Kuonji, everyone's favorite crossdressing Kansaiben okonomiyaki chef childhood friend waifu, holding him close to ensure his well-being with a side of pressing her cleavage into his side.

Of course within five seconds Shampoo, Akane, Genma, Soun, Mousse, and Ryoga all show up. Of course there's an altercation where Akane falls into a river, Ranma saves her, and she yeets him into the stratosphere. Reader, Akane is many things in this fic, but she's hardly a kind soul. Which - is okay?

Yeah, let me just get this out of the way, I don't really like Akane. She's a girl out of her depth in Ranma's insane martial-arts world, a normal, sane human being whose dignity is constantly put to the test by the irrationality that is Ranma, his rivals and fiancees, and their goofy superpowers. Oh, sure, she can be cute at times, but more often than not she's the worst sort of tsundere, the childish one who treats any entreaty towards what little order she has left in her life as an affront on her person and then proceeds to beat up Ranma. Oh, sure, the manga probably treats her better, but that doesn't change the fact that Ranma saving her again and again and again and neither of the two admitting they might like each other over and over and over again is not really a healthy relationship dynamic. Sure, the other girls are possessive and jealous too, but at least they can keep up with Ranma to a closer degree, at least they're honest with their own affection. Well, whatever, this argument has been had since Internet Time Immemorial and will likely be thus for years to come. So... Yeah. One of the best quotes from CF (and there are so, so many) speaks to this: "It was true love, all right. True love for eight-year-olds."

Anyway, Ranma lands in his mom's backyard (this is after the manga's failed wedding ending, mind you), and they talk. Turns out Ranma thinks he's got this duty to the Tendo family to join the schools (his dad lied), turns out he doesn't know how to deal with love (he likes the Tendo sisters, but only knows that he doesn't know if he loves Akane), and... suffice to say that Nodoka finally says: No, Ranma, you're staying with me from here on out, and each fiancé will meet me in person and I'll determine their suitability one at a time.

Which would be a perfectly interesting pitch for a fic, you'd think, Ranma having to arrange all those meetings and Nodoka meeting the girls as they try to be on their best behavior. Only, we only get to Kodachi and Shampoo in interviews, because other plot threads are introduced fast. Very, very fast. Blisteringly fast. Among the things that just happen and don't stop happening:

Ranma gets yeeted into the middle of the Sailor Senshi, assumes they're a bunch of fiancés or pervs or whatever, and proceeds to avoid their attacks effortlessly. As Ranma's rivals and the Senshi get more and more intertwined, it becomes clear that a) Crystal Tokyo relies on wiping out everyone save a few million loyal to Serenity, something Sailor Pluto is largely hiding from her charges, and b) The Senshi are terrible at actual fights. Ranma simply summons Happosai (calls his name three times) and misery is had. Now, I don't especially like how the Senshi are sort of the butt of the joke here, especially since many gags are made out of how utterly unstoppable Kuno is by conventional standards, and those jokes are quite funny. But you can't have everything.

As such, when Ranma beats up a Youma without trying very hard, he ends up on the national news. Nabiki's having the time of her life playing the tour guide for the Tendo Dojo, right up until the government decides Ranma could be a useful asset in the war against the supernatural.

Washu from Tenchi Muyo ends up in a time warp where she inadvertently becomes Nodoka's mother (and Ranma's maternal Grandma!) Ryoko thinks having a nephew-niece is nothing short of awesome, and she and Sasami hang out with him and Ryoga for a bit.

Ryoga's wandering capacity is played up as a space distortion, to the point that he can end up in anywhere while going to anywhere else. Kasumi follows him to the bathroom of their house and ends up going through Egypt for a few moments, Mihoshi follows him to an alien planet, things like that.

Ranma flees normal life again, is tracked down by Ukyo using a somewhat terrifying ninja technique involving sympathetic ki, and they fight a samurai ghost together. Ranma figures out how to turn into a dragon and Ukyo falls even more head-over-heels in love with him, because, uh, dragons amirite? Meanwhile, Ranma is convinced that Ukyo wants Ranma to be a waitress for her, and that's cleared up... but Ranma still is afraid of her world, especially because Ukyo wants to become the head of a national okonomiyaki restaurant chain.

And it's all... funny, and sweet, and even if the tone it nails isn't exactly the manga's irreverent tone, as far as harem-adjacent tales go let it be said that Chaos Factor has a tone, and it nails that tone, and it keeps on that tone for 81k words. even if it ends somewhat anticlimactically before, if I recall correctly, Ranma and his fiancés are to have an audience with the emperor.

Look, I'm having trouble describing this fanfic that I've read a half-dozen times over because it's simply that good. I don't just encourage you to read it -- I implore you to do so. You won't regret it.

[vibesaresimplyatrocious]

What would you say is the traditional role of a beta in ur omegaverse?

they're the moderators

same disclaimer as always: this is a world with weird gender norms. i'm gonna discuss this, broadly, in terms of those gender norms. that does not me i think that the se gender roles are right or accurate; it's just how i think the wider public treats these subjects. i don't super think gender like, exists as an objective thing.

that being said, let's get into it.

so, the thing about alphas and omegas is that they occupy two very different extremes. the abo cliche is that alphas are dominating, controlling, protective, possessive, etc. omegas are submissive, nurturing, docile, cooperative, etc. those are HUGE POLARITIES. betas usually get waved away as unimportant or "normal" in ABO fics, but i think that, instead, this society would demand them to occupy the middle ground. they're the negotiators of the genders. they're the ones that facilitate compromise, calm, tamper the instincts of their very extreme counterparts. widely, they're perceived to be the gender that is more composed, less emotional, and can provide objective view points.

now, is this true? no! of course not. Like, take Luke, Jessica, and Claire--if you want to pick the one out of them who is the one with the most sense, who helps keep everyone calm--it's Luke (when he's not batshit insane from hormones, and he just can't help it). Jessica is losing this race hard. She's the self-destructive one of their relationship. she's the one who does reckless things and says stupid shit. she goes off her nut when someone she loves is threatened. she's incredibly passionate, incredibly protective, and will put herself on the line for her people--as seen when she tried to confess to a fucking murder she didn't commit, decapitated head in hand, so she could be sent to supermax prison, catch her rapist, and prove the innocence of a girl she met a few days ago. out of them all, she fits alpha gender stereotypes the most.

Claire, meanwhile, found a half dead asshole in black pajamas in her dumpster, and immediately decided to lie to the fucking cops, help him torture someone, and commit her life to being the vigilante nurse. Like, she's got an enormous amount of sense, is extremely intelligent, and can hold her fucking own--but she ain't the one out of the relationships who wins gold for "you made a good life decision today." she's not submissive; she's not docile, and she's got her own shit going on. Luke's the coolest, chillest dude around. He's deadpan, doesn't take shit, and takes care of his community. He isn't a hothead, and he isn't reckless, not the way Jess is. so, once again, none of the actual genders we see live up to their stereotypes. but it is how their society views them.

Like most dumbass gender things, this affects what jobs are seen as beta jobs. Omegas get the "nurturing" professions--teacher, caretaker, stay-at-home spouse/parent, cleaning, secretarial work, etc. Alphas get the domineering professions--doctor, lawyer, CEOs, police and firefighting, politics, etc. Betas, meanwhile, are the ones that usually get considered for the jobs that are considered for level-headed, logical, controlled people. So while lawyers are dominated by alphas as the fiery advocates, you have judges having a disproportionate number of betas, because they're seen as the objective view. betas usually end up in professor positions, academics, ivory tower type shit.

So, i've mentioned this in a few posts now, but for anyone just reading--general rule of creating an ABO world for me was that i had to keep all the lore, but i could decide how to execute it. I could take the bits i didn't vibe with and make them just generally accepted social mindsets. ABO gender stereotypes? don't exist in actuality, except for heats and ruts, which are the most "extreme" moments. so it's interesting to see how betas react in those moments.

So, in heats and ruts, there's two things to worry about 1) hormones and 2) pheromones. Your own shit and your partners.

Hormone production in heat and rut would have to be in absolute overdrive. so you have people, you know, losing their minds from this biological process. which both causes you to emit phereomones and puts you in a state where you are in a heightened state of reaction to everyone else's. So alphas have an exacerbating effect on omegas, and vice versa. they send you spiraling into a more addled state of mind. Betas, meanwhile, serve as a calming affect--which is one of the reasons why heats and ruts with betas are easier and you have more control. if you're sharing with the same sex, you still have more control, because you don't have the opposite gender's pheromones driving you batty. but betas are widely considered to give the calmest, most in control heats or ruts.

that being said, betas are affected by their partner's pheremones--like how chewing coffee described, pheromones mostly serve to put and keep people in the mood, to, you know, make this logistically feasible. I think they have a heightened state of calm during it? they're in caretaker mode. partner's a mess; time to be the party who's calm and in control and figure out what's needed and when.

Now, if it's an alpha, beta, and omega all doing it together?

Beta is meant to make things easier on the other two. be the one who persuades both to take care of their need for rest, water, food, etc. it takes an extra burden off the sane party and makes things run more smoothly. they can also, you know, entertain the party in cycle to give the other partner a break. the person in cycle is still gonna be off their nut during it, to be clear, and super goddamn stupid about whoever the alpha/omega is. but the beta can sort of calm them down a bit more, give them reassurance that everything's fine and taken care of, and give them another person to have adult fun with so the entire brunt of it doesn't fall on the alpha/omega.

which is what we saw somewhat with jess while Luke was batty--just to a lesser amount of effort than she would put in during rut, because things weren't as dire and Jess mostly saw it as funny. she gave Claire a break from Luke. She was able to calm luke down and get through to him when no one else could. she was able to go around with claire as a party luke trusted when his perceptions were fucked. when she saw a solution in peter's blockers? she immediately clocked it and tried to get it for her partners. so jess, like peter, and like matt, and like claire, knows about how these biological cycles drive people nuts, and plays along with her role when it's teh best way to help her partners