#the anniversary and art was made a month and two weeks ago; but i still really like it ^o^~

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Unexpected Visitor

Pairing: Spencer Reid x G!n Reader

WC: 788

A/N: A lil Spencer Xmas Blurb while I figure my shit out. Also! I'm imagining older seasons Spencer for this one.

"Hi! I'm, uh, so sorry to bug you but, um, do you know where Spe--Doctor Reid's desk is? Or, really, where D-Doctor Reid is?" .

Derek Morgan had to get his shit together because his jaw almost dropped when you walked in. What was some hot piece of ass doing, dressed like that, looking for Boy Genius.

He jumped up from his chair and strolled over to where you had stopped Garcia, who was just as flabbergasted as he was. "Reid is currently in a meeting sweetheart--may I ask what you, uh, want with him?"

You raised your eyebrows at the 'sweetheart', but smiled anyways. "He was supposed to be home about an hour ago and he wasn't answering his phone, so instead of panicking, because I know what you do for work, I wanted to come in and check before I lost my shit."

"Home?" Garcia squeaked out, still baffafled by how gorgeous you looked. It was like you were sent straight from heaven, a literal vision.

You nodded and tilted your head, slightly confused. "Y-Yeah...I'm sorry why is that---"

"We just didn't know Reid was living with anyone, let alone seeing someone."

"Ah." You nodded. "He's private like that, isn't he." Your smile warmed the two of them, and you shifted the coat from one arm to the other.

"y/n?"

You turned your head towards the back of the bullpen, and Spencer was walking out of Hatch's office. "What are you doing here?"

"Being introduced to your friends and coworkers since you haven't."

Spencer bit the inside of his cheeks and walked over to you both, placing his hand on the small of your back. You felt how tense he was.

"I'm here because our reservation is in twenty minutes and you said you'd be home over an hour ago." You looked at Spencer, whose eyes went a little wide.

"Shit. I-I didn't realize what time it was---"

"I have your suit in the car, and this is why I made the reservation for eight pm, instead of Seven."

"And this is why I love you." Spencer kissed your head and rushed over to his desk, scrambling to grab all of his papers and his bag and his coat and his scarf and his--

"Hi Y/n." Spencer looked up at the mention of your name, pausing in his frantic nature.

"Hi Aaron." You gave him a quick hug, but a bright smile. "How are you?"

"Well." He laughed a little. "I'd be better if we didn't have to work the day before Christmas Eve since I still need to wrap all of Jack's presents still."

"Oh how is Jack!"

"He's doing well. finally starting to enjoy reading, no thanks to you."

You laughed at his joke, all the while Derek and Garcia just shared an incredulous look. How the hell did you know Hotch? Jack?!? Why does Jack's reading habits connect to you--

"Ready sweetheart?" Spencer appeared at your side and you nodded. "It was lovely to see you Aaron. I'll stop by some time tomorrow to drop off Jack's gifts as well as yours. I got it when Spence I and went to Paris last month. I think you'll enjoy it!"

"That's why you weren't here for two weeks?" Penelope's jaw was on the floor. "I didn't take you to be a Parisian man Doctor Reid."

"W-Well, um--"

"It was for my birthday. My choice. I love art and museums so it made sense. Well, it was lovely to meet you all but we have a reservation to get to." You gave them all a quick smile before taking Spencer's hand and walking towards the elevator, your shoes clicking on the floor with every step you took.

"How long have the two of them been together?" Morgan turned to Hotch after you both had gotten in the elevator.

"I think today is their two year anniversary."

"TWO YEARS." Garcia clutched her hypothetical pearls. "How have I not known? How have WE not known?"

"He's private, and...well. You know Y/n."

"No we clearly do not know Hotch."

Hotch gave them a little smirk and a shrug. "Merry Christmas guys. I'll see you on the twenty-seventh."

As Hotch walked away, Garcia and Morgan just stared at one another. "So we're..."

"Going to spend then next ten minutes in my office finding everything out about this mystery person Spencer has been apparently dating for two years?"

"You read my mind mama. A little Christmas snooping never hurt anyone..."

[girlwitheconverse]

AMNESIA

╰┈➤ SIMON “GHOST” RILEY

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader

Genre: romance, fluff, a little angst Story type: two part story, short story

Part 1 | Part 2

Word count: 2k

TW(s) for this part: mentions of torture, super brief mentions of r@pe, a lot of angst

Simon fan art credit: @shkretart

masterlist

taglist and requests masterlist

Taglist: @m3ntally-unstable

if you like MARVEL check out this

One year, thirteen days and eleven hours.

That’s the time passed since you’ve been declared missing in action, the time that Simon had spent without you, the time that made life feel like hell all over again for him. You had been his light in the dark, making his life seem meaningful again. He still remembers when you two met for the first time, when you saved his life on the battlefield, he remembers your first date – you asked him out first – it was a simple date at a pub, he remembers when you were drunk and pulled up his mask to kiss him.

He remembers when, as a gift for your one year anniversary, he showed you his face and you cried while telling him how handsome he was. Two weeks after that you went out on a mission, as usual, but you didn’t come back when the mission was supposed to end, or one day later, or one week later.

They hadn’t found your body so you got declared M.I.A., missing in action, instead of K.I.A., killed in action.

That happened one year, thirteen days and twelve hours ago.

Simon didn’t know what to believe, if you were alive, where were you? Why didn’t you come back? If you were dead, well…Simon didn’t even want to think about that possibility.

Today was supposed to be your second year anniversary, but you aren’t there to celebrate with him, and even though he knew that you wouldn’t magically appear in your room at the base he still placed the gift he got you on your bed: a silver ring.

He had never been too much invested in marriage, not really seeing the point in it…But with you? He definitely wanted to marry you, but didn’t want to go too fast so he decided to wait at least four years of relationship before asking you to let him be your husband.

That was a stupid idea.

You both were soldiers, risking your life everyday, waiting wasn’t something neither of you could afford. But, as they said, you understand the beauty of things only when you don’t have them anymore, right?

It took him one year, thirteen days and thirteen hours to understand that he should’ve married you sooner.

“Lieutenant Riley, the squad is ready.” A soldier says as he walks next to Simon to the exit of the base, they were going on a new mission, but they weren’t searching for you. They stopped after five months and two days – the Task Force stopped, not Simon, who was always using the mission as excuses to search for new intels about you from the enemies.

Simon doesn’t answer the soldier, acting cold like he wasn’t crying in your room a few minutes ago, he simply nods.

Simon is just Ghost now, on the battlefield, shooting the enemies at sight, not even caring if they had any family that was waiting for them, he didn’t pity them because no one pitied you. He finally reaches the interior of the building and finds the boss of the cartel watching him unfazed as he smokes.

“Are you here for me? Or for the bitch in my possession?” he asks as he lets the smoke get out of his mouth.

“Human trafficking too? This isn’t getting better for you.” Ghost snickers as he points his gun at the man.

“Human trafficking? Oh no, my boy – the man laughs – that woman is a rare jewel, I could never share her if not with some of my most trusted men, of course.” Hearing his words makes Ghost sick in the stomach, he feels that something is off and for the first time in his life he hopes that his instincts are wrong. “You, with the skull mask over there, is your name Ghost by any chance?”

Ghost’s eyes widen a little but he quickly regains his composure, “How did you know?”

“‘Cause that was the only name that bitch could say when I got her a year ago, her name is something like…Y/n? Do you know her or is she just a groupie of yours?” The man laughs and Simon’s heart skips a beat.

Y/n is alive?

His Y/n is alive?

“Where is she?!” Simon snaps and holds the gun against the boss’ neck, “Where is Y/n.”

“Oh, so she is someone important…Let me go out of this place untouched and I’ll tell you how to find her.”

“Deal.” Simon says as he lowers his gun.

“Three floors under this, two of my men stand in front of the door of her room, tell them I sent you and they’ll let you in.” The man explains with a smirk as he walks to the door of the room.

“Thank you for the information,” Ghost says before shooting at the man right in the back of his head, “asshole.”

The next thing he knows is that he’s running down the stairs of the building until he reaches the floor where two men stand in front of a metallic door, “Your boss sent me.” He says, the men look at eachother confused before Ghost shots at both of them in the head. He takes a deep breath and kicks the door open, the room is empty and dirty, the only thing he sees is a small figure curled up against a corner as she rocks back and forth, hugging her knees and with her head between them.

“Y/n?” He asks softly as he kneels next to her, the girl looks up at him and he immediately recognizes you. You’ve lost weight, your cheeks are more hollow, your body more fragile, and your eyes more dull but it’s definitely you.

He knows it.

“Don’t hurt me please…” You whisper as you crawl more against the corner, as if you just want to disappear.

“Y/n, sweetheart, I would never hurt you…” Simon whispers back as he holds out his hands to touch you but you flinch and move your arm away.

“I don’t trust you.” You say as you look at him from behind your arm, using it as some sort of shield.

“Sweetheart, don’t you recognize me? It’s me, Simon, Ghost, your Simon…” He whispers trying to not show how much your words hurt him, he more than anyone understands how torture can change someone and he won’t judge you.

“Who are you? Do you work with him too? Are you new?” You ask as you look at him with wide eyes, scared.

“Darling it’s me…Your boyfriend…” He says as he looks at you frantically, have they brainwashed you? Have you…lost your memory?

“I have a boyfriend?” You ask as you slowly let your guard down, why do you already trust this stranger so much?

One year, thirteen days and twenty one hours is the time that took him to find you.

And you have no idea who he is.

“This place is…nice.” You say as you walk around what this man, Simon, says is your room at this military base. You trust him, I mean, he showed you the records of your past missions, he showed some photos of you two together – with dates that go back to two years and more ago – so why shouldn’t you?

And he’s so sweet and gentle with you, he treats you like you’re made of glass.

“The doctor said that your amnesia shouldn’t be permanent…” Simon sighs as he sits on your bed and with a quick motion takes the ring that he had left on your bed before the mission back and hides it in his pocket, without you noticing anything.

“I hope so…” You say as you look at the framed photo on your nightstand: you and Simon hugging in your gear, probably after a mission, “I would love to remember our relationship, it seems so…happy, healthy and full of love…” You smile and take the frame in your hands, then you look at Simon, “You said I’ve been missing for over a year, and you still searched for me?”

Simon chuckles, almost offended at your question, “of course darling, and if I hadn’t found you today I would’ve continued searching for you…Until my death.”

“I was one hell of a lucky woman…I mean…I am one hell of a lucky woman?” You say confused as you place the frame where you found it.

“You don’t remember our relationship so I guess considering us a couple must be…strange, for you…” you hear him whisper under his breath, “so you don’t have to see me as a boyfriend you don’t remember, see me as a…best friend, or just a friend…or a coworker…” he starts to panic, then he takes a deep breath and looks back at your eyes, “just…see me as what makes you comfortable the most…”

You can’t help but smile, he seems like a sweet man, you were lucky to have him as your boyfriend — friend, for now.

“Perhaps there’s something that can help me remember everything? Remember…us?” You ask as you look at him with a hopeful look, he seems so sweet and caring that he just makes you want to remember your relationship. “I don’t know…something we used to do together?”

He thinks for a few seconds, “We did almost everything together…” he chuckles, “But every Saturday evening we would meet up in my room and listen to the radio as we cuddled in the bed. That was definitely a weekly routine.”

Simon looks up at you with eyes full of love because, you may not remember him, but he remembers you perfectly; he remembers your first kiss, he remembers your first date, he remembers the first time you two had together, he remembers every curve of your body.

Just then an idea crosses his mind, now he knows what to do if you don’t get your memories back: you fell in love with him once, he could make you fall in love with him all over again.

“The idea of cuddling may look uncomfortable for you, since you don’t remember anything…so, what do you think about a date? We could ask for a few days of leave and try to give you your memories back…What d’ya think?” He asks with an hopeful smile as he looks at you. “Maybe a picnic or something like that…”

“I’m in.” You say with a smile without thinking twice about it.

And just like that you find yourselves back in London, everyday Simon takes you out for a date, each one always different from the one before. You slowly start gaining back your memory, but they are just pointless memories of the names of your hamsters, or an order Price gave you a long time ago.

But no memories of Simon, zero, absolutely nothing.

But that doesn’t stop him, not even in the slightest, he continues taking you out on dates, talking to you about all the things you did and used to do together; he tells you what happened on the day of your first anniversary and shows you his face again, in the intimacy of your apartment.

You two had planned, one year ago, to move in together in that apartment together once you’d be back from the mission, the same mission where you went M.I.A.

That’s the only thing he doesn’t tell you, because he didn’t know how you could react to that information.

You don’t remember your love for him, but it wasn’t hard for you to fall in love with him all over again in no time, with all the dates he took you in this week.

“Simon, I have to tell you something…” You say while you two are sitting on the couch of your apartment, watching a movie. Simon turns his head towards you with a soft smile, “I don’t know if the memories will ever come back completely, or come back at all…”

“It’s okay, we’ll work on that.” Simon says with a smile as he gently caresses your cheek.

“What I mean is…I don’t remember how our relationship was…I don’t remember loving you, but…Now, I do, love you…” You say as you lean your face in his touch, smiling softly. Simon’s eyes shoot wide as he looks at you.

“Are you sure? I- I don’t want you to feel pressured or…or forced to have feelings for me…” He says nervously as he examines your expression with his eyes, trying to understand if you really mean it or are just saying that to comfort him.

“Hundred percent sure, Si…I love you.” You smile, Simon’s eyes fill with tears as he softly kisses your lips.

He had missed the feeling of your lips on his so much…

“I love you too, I love you so much that you can’t even imagine.” He says as he giggles through the tears and kisses you again. “I don’t care if you get your memories back or not, we’ll build other memories together.”

“Together.”

I love making people cry <3

Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[rathayibacter]

AITA For Messing With My Boyfriend's Hobby?

me (23m) and my boyfriend (26m) just moved in together a few months ago, after being in a relationship for two years. we've had our issues of course, but nothing too serious. last week, however, i forgot our anniversary, and i can tell it really hurt his feelings. i tried talking to him about it, but he said it's fine.

for context, my boyfriend is a ninth-moon swordsman and master of many divine war arts. i dont usually mention this but it's relevant, because for the last three days he's been using his supernatural speed and mastery of the blade to passive-aggressively mess with my things. for example, yesterday i made myself a sandwich, and right before i bit into it he cut the mustard and mayo off the bread in a fraction of an instant, so when i bit down it was completely dry. i know it's him, too, because he was sitting across the room watching tv, and i didnt see him move, but his ancestral sword was in a slightly different position afterwards.

so, this morning i got kinda frustrated, and while he was still asleep i took his sword and i hid it in the laundry room, cuz i knew he wouldn't check there. i figured if he couldnt take out his frustrations by playing millisecond pranks on me, we could sit down and talk about this like adults.

now, something i knew, but wasnt thinking about when i did this, is that he still hasnt formed a spiritual connection with his ancestral sword. this means hes unable to communicate with it across great distances, or summon it to his hand with but a gesture. these are skills you usually learn really early on, and im in fact really proud of him for getting as far as he has without them, but now he thinks im mocking him for this and hes locked himself in the bathroom. ive tried apologizing through the door, but he just started chanting a mantra he learned from his dead older brother.

so, AITA?

[bluishfrog]

HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)

This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).

I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.

I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.

At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.

I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.

Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.

When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.

One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.

(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)

I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.

Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.

Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.

Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:

Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)

Love, blu

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

New Years wishes

Week 5 of the Winter Writing Challenge

prompt: "I wanna be your last first kiss.“

Summary: After spending difficult six month without Marcus he surprises you for New Years Eve.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x fem. reader

Wordcount: 2.1k

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, also angst, little heartbreak, Marcus is having a tiny midlife crisis, but it all turns out good in the end

A/N: totally stealing from Greys Anatomy I'm not even sorry

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You don’t know why you let Charlotte talk you into going to her New Years eve party. You weren’t big on parties, and you definitely weren’t looking forward to this one. 

But you were looking forward to this year finally being over. 

That’s the only reason Charlotte used to talk you into coming to her party, to celebrating this year finally being over and to starting a new year which would hopefully bring you more than heartbreak. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, your gaze landing on the necklace you were wearing. 

The necklace Marcus had gifted you for your first anniversary. 

It was a little cupcake on a golden chain, because it was through a cupcake that the two of you reconnected a year before. 

Marcus was Charlotte’s big brother. Growing up you had the biggest crush on him but it would almost take twenty years for it to finally become more. 

And it was a chance meeting. 

You were working in your little bakery, not far away from FBI headquarters and Marcus had moved to town after getting offered to be the leading agent of the art crime division. You would only learn later that this new job originally also entailed a new fiancé. 

But her loss was your gain in the end. Marcus started to spend all his lunch breaks in your little bakery, reconnecting and slowly falling in love with you. 

And things had been going perfectly. 

Eight months after you officially started dating he moved into your little house, just outside of the city you had inherited from your grandmother after she died. 

You were so in love with each other, that you really didn’t know how to react when Marcus wanted a break. 

It had been after another lengthier mission that Marcus had come home and asked for a some time apart. That he needed some time to think about his life and how he could be the best version of himself for you, and while it broke your heart, you were willing to give him everything he wanted if it made him feel better. 

That was almost six months ago and you had both only seen each other a handful of times. He assured you that it wasn’t you, that he had some things he needed to work out with himself and that you deserved to have the best version of himself if you still wanted him. 

Of course you wanted him. You would always want him. 

You were beyond confused, asking yourself if it was something you did that made him feel this way. 

You missed him. Every single day. 

You went from daydreaming about the future with him together, both of you planing your wedding, where you would live, how many children you would have, to lonely microwave dinners and reruns of the bachelor until you fell asleep in front of the TV.

Christmas had been beyond depressing. 

You never had much family left in the first place, and the last years had been spent with the Pike’s. You were invited of course, but you could not bring yourself to go there and spend the day with Marcus and his family, when you were hurting deep down about your relationship status. 

You had tried to talk to him since he moved out, but he had only asked for more time, telling you that he would understand if you were getting tired of waiting, that he did not want you to wait until he figured his shit out.

Charlotte had warned you that Marcus was supposed to be attending her party that day too, and your heart already was hurting only thinking about seeing him again, without being able to actually be with him. 

You just hoped that he would figure his issues out, because you could not keep living like this.

The taxi was driving through the busy city. 

Charlotte had asked you to make some cupcakes, so the taxi was taking you to your bakery where Charlotte’s husband Eddie would be waiting for you to help transport the cupcakes back to her place for the party. 

You could have just taken them to her yesterday, but she insisted she wanted them today. 

Paying the taxi driver you grabbed your purse and took a look around, trying to check if Eddie was there already, but all you found was a black town car with a driver waiting in front of it. Shrugging to yourself, you searched for your keys, making your way to the entrance of your bakery when you heard your name behind you.

Turning around you found the driver, an older looking man smiling at you, asking your name again.

„Uh, yeah?“ You answered confused. 

„Hello, I am Andrew. I am instructed to take you to your surprise,“ he said. 

„Which surprise?“ You asked. 

„I do not know. I only know I should take you there,“ he answered. 

„Who told you to take me there?“

„Marcus Pike.“

Before you got into the car you tried to call Marcus, but he did not pick up the phone. Then you tried to call Charlotte who only told you that she knew about a surprise, but she didn’t know what it was about. 

Still hesitant you sat in the backseat of the car, the radio quietly playing while the landscape flew by. 

After a while you had an of idea where you were going. 

One of your last dates with Marcus was spent house hunting. You had been searching for a while but could not find something you both liked immediately. You did however find a piece of land that you both fell in love with. It was overlooking the whole city while still not being to far out to commute to work every day, which you and Marcus could do together since you worked only two streets apart.

But before you could have made any further decisions, Marcus had asked for this… break. You were getting more nervous the more familiar your surroundings became, until the car stopped and you turned your head to look to the side, a sea of candles illuminating the night. 

The car door opened and Andrew gave you a warm smile. 

„I’ll wait here if you’ll need me,“ he said before he helped you out and walked back to the drivers side to get back into the car. 

You took a deep breath, before you slowly rounded the car and walked towards where you could already make out Marcus waiting for you, surrounded by what must be hundreds, if not thousands of candles. 

You were suddenly glad you had decided to wear your winter coat.

As if this whole set up wasn’t overwhelming enough, it was the first time you saw Marcus since the beginning of November. 

He was waiting for you in the middle of this set up, a soft smile on his completely shaven face. Nervously you sucked your bottom lip in, walking towards him, while you looked around, seeing that these candles seemed to make up a shape. Of what, you were not sure. 

„Hi,“ you heard Marcus say as you stopped in front of him. 

„Hey,“ you whispered. 

„You look… you look beautiful,“ he smiled, his hand reaching out to touch you, but stopping himself halfway through. You took a step closer, taking his hand and he sighed. 

„You shaved,“ you said and he smiled. 

„Yeah. I think I shaved my midlife crisis right off with the beard,“ he huffed nervously, his brown eyes set on you. He squeezed your hand. 

„I owe you an explanation. And the biggest apology of my life,“ he sighed, shaking his head to himself. He took your other hand before he looked at you. 

„Yeah. What happened? Was it something I did? I…“ you began but he shook his head. 

„Remember the undercover mission I had been on for a couple weeks in May?“ He asked. You nodded. 

„I ran into my ex wife.“

„Oh,“ you whispered. He took a deep breath. 

„And I let her fuck with my head. And then I ran into Theresa and I couldn’t talk to you, because of the Undercover thing and it left me with my stupid thoughts for two weeks up to the point where I was certain that something must be wrong with me and that you deserve so much better,“ he said.

„Marcus…“ you mumbled, shaking your head. 

„I know,“ he smiled sadly, „And instead of finally talking to you when I was back I pushed you away. You, the person I want to grow old with. I love you. So much. It’s…,“ he took a deep breath. 

„Charlotte told me how miserable you were. She also told me what an idiot I am. My therapist too,“ Marcus continued. 

„Therapist?“ You asked. 

He nodded. 

„Yeah. I wanted to find out what was wrong with me,“ he shrugged.

„There’s nothing wrong with you, baby. You’re just…“ you were looking for the right word. 

„An idiot?“ He offered. You smiled.

„Yeah. But you’re still my idiot,“ you said softly and he released a deep breath. 

„I’m so, so fucking sorry what I put you through these last months. If I could erase these last months, I would.“

You looked at him, your Marcus. There would be more talking about this in the future. Yes, these last months were hell, but he was here, right now. He loved you and you loved him. That was enough for the moment. 

You got on your tiptoes, your arms wrapping around Marcus and kissed him. He stumbled back surprised before his arms pulled you against him and he deepened the kiss. 

„I missed you so much. I’ll kill you if you ever hurt me like that again,“ you mumbled against his lips. 

„Never,“ he vowed, rubbing his nose over yours. 

„So… what is all this?“ You asked, looking up at him. 

„This… This could be our dream house,“ he said. He pulled away from you, taking your hand and started walking. 

„Right now, we could be standing in our living room. Fireplace right there, biggest couch we can find right here,“ he gestured. You smiled, following him. Now you could see the candles on the ground made out lines of different rooms.

„This,“ he lead you forward along the line, „could be the kitchen. Got you that big island you always wanted so you can have enough space to bake too,“ he winked and you grinned. 

„What’s on the other levels?“ You asked. He turned and pulled you in his arms. 

„Bathroom, Office, Guest Bedroom, Bedroom with walk in closet….“

„What about a nursery?“ You asked and he smiled shyly. 

„We can fit one in there too, I think,“ he mumbled and kissed you. 

„Two,“ you said and he nodded. 

„I gotta say, this is all very romantic but last time I checked we don’t own this piece of land.“

He hummed.

„When did you last check?“ He asked, a smile sneaking to his lips. 

You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes. 

„I signed the papers this morning. It’s yours,“ he said and your mouth dropped open in shock. 

„What?“ You gasped out. 

„I bought it. For you. For us, if you want. I just… I want to make you happy. I…“ you stopped him with your lips on his mouth. 

„You’re insane,“ you chuckled.

„Now you notice?“ He joked and you shook your head with a grin, letting your head rest against his chest when you heard the first firework go off, the sky glittering in pink lights. 

„What time is it?“ You asked and he looked at his watch. 

„Almost midnight,“ he whispered. 

You both looked up at the sky, more and more fireworks lighting up the sky. 

„I want to spend every single day of my life loving you. I wanna be your last first kiss. I wanna be the best version of myself for you,“ he whispered against your ear. You blinked the tears away, cuddling closer against him. 

„I love you,“ you mumbled against him. 

„Happy new year,“ he whispered, kissing your hair. You looked up at him, the man you loved.

„Happy new year.“

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Tapering down...

It's no secret on here that I'm a depressed old fuck who's barely surviving. I've been taking two antidepressants for the last few years, Sertraline (Zoloft) and Mirtazipine (Remeron).

I love the Mirtazipine because it helps me fall asleep at night and STAY asleep. Insomnia was one of my main symptoms...for years on end I never strung together more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time. If I take the Mirts right as I'm hittin' the bed, I fall asleep within 20 mins. Those I have no problem with.

Talked to the doc about 6 months ago about tapering down off the max Zoloft dose (150mg/day) and finally getting off them totally. Why? They never really seemed to DO anything. There may have been a slight sense of relief after awhile, but I never really FELT any kind of effect, and no real benefit, other than the possible "I'm taking meds now so I must be getting better" thing you have to tell yourself before they "kick in".

So, I tapered down to just 100mg for a couple months and then took the 50mg's until they were gone. Been completely off them for a few weeks now. Haven't really felt much different, nothing really negative, other than possibly feeling "hopeless" once in a while, which, frankly, anybody in my position WOULD feel.

My reason for writing this out? I never really considered that they might be masking some of my emotional range. After the big news of the day yesterday, after a few hours of sensing the giddiness in the ether, I just started crying. I know that's a perfectly fine reaction to have when something that's been horrible gets RESOLVED, at least on a certain level. It's a release of tension.

But there was more to it. Posted some videos, and listening to all the music, it just made me weep all that much more. And this was genuine grief...grief at the loss of what all those songs represented to me, to my own Personal Mythological Framework, as it were.

And yet, deep down I knew that it wasn't just the loss of The '60s Protest movement, or specifically 1967, The Summer of Love and what IT represents to me.

I think enough of the sertraline has flushed from my system now that my emotional body is releasing pent-up grief. I've written about my two Gemini loves, born a day apart, died nine years apart. That birthday anniversary has always been difficult to get through, but last night's flow of tears finally wound its way to that core pain.

I'm one of those people who has to know WHY.

Once the WHY is satisfied, the letting go can happen.

My last therapist was essentially a Buddhist witch, and I always struggled with what she said about the death(s), but it hit home on a deeper level last night. Her words? Essentially that we have to eventually get enough distance from it and see the "Rightness" of it.

That's a seemingly callous idea, but it's really not.

If someone dies, think of their lives and the trajectory they were on, and the trajectory the world has taken since their death. Eventually there will be a sense of "yes, that somehow HAD to happen for THIS to happen"...a sense of "rightness" in that definition is strange to feel, once you get to it. You may never GET to it...it may always be "THE GREAT WRONG" in your life.

Gemini 1 (my sweetie, my soulmate) died July 15, 2012; Gemini 2 (my bro the soldier) died four days after the January 6th attack, on January 10, 2021. I'm still surrounded by the detritus of both their lives, in my sweetie's case, I have every piece of art she made between Junior College and the day she died. In the case of my Bro, it's all the computer parts and tools and family camping stuff that hasn't seen the light of day in over 20 years.

I know that I've hung onto much of it out of desperation, out of duty and loyalty to their memory, their lives...but it is currently holding me back, and I can feel that. I have to find the stomach to go down to the garage and just start taking pictures of all the tech and camping stuff and being realistically ruthless about what I actually CAN and CAN'T use and hit CL and eBay with whatever might bring a buck.

Up until last night, the idea of that was just too overwhelming. I think last night's emotional release had an effect. Not sure just how any of it is going to happen, but I have to face all that crap down there and get rid of 90%, leaving only Char's artwork and a few tools i can use, and then finding a cheaper storage solution for what's left.

Especially since the evil landlords jacked the rent on the garage up another fucking $25 as of this coming month.

And back to that "Rightness" thing. I finally thought about that in terms of what has happened in the world since they both respectively left. I am certain my sweetie would not believe the shit that has gone on in the last 12 years. I'm pretty sure my bro's poor broken body would not have made it through the ensuing years, especially after that last bizarre injury.

It's a strange thing to see that from the distance of time. And last night's catharsis was certainly tied to it, but I'm sensing there was a component tied to the tapering off the sertraline. No more emotional masking, possibly there will be more peace of mind going forward, I can never be sure, as I pick up just about everything energetically. (Why I have to go "SHIELDS UP, SCOTTY!" while I'm out and about, and self-isolate so much of the time.)

We do have so much to grieve. It never really ends. You have to feel it ALL. You have to release it. You have to see the "rightness" of it when you look at the world in its entirety. The sertraline's masking of the intense sadness finally being gone facilitated the bulk of it, I'm pretty sure.

[mysticsparklewings]

Three Cheers for Harmonic Revenge (+ Time Lapse!)

________ This is what happens when you're a fan of both Winx Club and My Chemical Romance, apparently! 😂 Truly a labor of love—I started on this for an MCR album anniversary on June 8th. I so missed the date, but I had to see it through!

⭐️ AND I've got a Time Lapse of the art coming together, featuring my very rough attempt at a matchup of MCR's Helena and the Winx Club Harmonix song as backing music! It's a wild ride! ⭐️ (...There's also an unlisted version with "normal" music just in case my less-than-amateur audio editing skills are too much for anyone. 😅)

Anyway, to make a very long story a little bit shorter, a few weeks ago I ended up down a bit of a rabbit hole trying to identify likely sources of inspiration for the thing to come out of Winx Club Season 5 that the fandom at large actually kind of loves: Harmonix. I went in thinking Ballet, and despite my best efforts came out with that opinion pretty much unchanged. 

Not long after, but for the entirely unrelated reason of Being An MCR Fan on The Internet, I ended up looking at some screenshots from their Helena music video. [I think this was prompted by a Reddit post asking about the dress for cosplay purposes, I'm not sure.] 

It was then I had the thought, so simple and off-handed: "I don't see how you can look at a ballet outfit like this and not think Harmonix was ballet-inspired." 

If you've ever seen a TV show or cartoon where a character says something, and then only after the words leave their mouth do they realize the implications/meaning of what they just said, that was me in that moment. 😱

On the one hand, I want to say "I can't believe I didn't see the similarities before," but on the other...Well, I can believe it, actually. Comparing Winx and MCR in almost any capacity is not a natural thing to do, even with a Ballet connection in each. The fact that I finally did notice came largely down to the serendipity of being a fan of both and just happening upon the Helena pictures not long after spending an abnormal amount of time looking for clothes that look like Harmonix. I think there are many points leading up to that moment where if just a couple of things had gone differently, I still wouldn't have noticed. 

Either way, once the connection was made in my brain it took all of about 10 seconds for "Helena as a Harmonix Fairy" to follow. 🤩

At the time, I didn't have immediate plans to act on it. It was just an idea to be filed away on the little shelf in my brain where I keep "Things that would be fun to draw eventually." [That shelf is super full and in danger of collapse, for what it's worth. 😉]

Earlier this month, that changed when I remembered June 8th is the Anniversary for Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, the album that Helena comes from, and I had yet to come up with any other plans or ideas to commemorate it this year. 

Now, clearly I ended up missing that deadline, and two others I set for myself afterward. Things have just been very chaotic around my house for last 3-ish months or so, and June has been no different. Other IRL things just had to take priority. 😔

In my defense, the art itself was finished on June 12th. This description here and the Time Lapse Video (mostly the video) were what really set me back, even aside from household chaos. But it was really important to me to get a video done for this piece, so getting that done vs. getting the art out faster was the trade I made. 

But part of the reason I bring this up to underline that originally, I thought I was on a fairly tight deadline. As a result, during the planning stage I didn't really have time to tinker with refining the base design or debating details like I normally would. So I drew from the Winx's own Harmonix designs as much as possible—picking out pieces that naturally resembled the structure of Helena's dress. 

If I'd had more time to noodle around...the structure probably would've been largely the same, but the details most likely would have changed to help it feel more original, and I may have gotten crazy enough to try and find a happy [lighter] grey medium between Harmonix's pastel palettes and Helena's stark black and red. 

As it stands though, I'm not unhappy with how that all turned out, I just think it's worth noting how the visual concept may have changed if I'd had more time to toy with it. [Especially for when Future Me ends up referring back to this description; Hi there Future Mystic 👋]

Since my process for making the art can both be seen in the Time Lapse and is something you've all seen/heard me describe before by now [I think I have finally nailed down a fairly standard "Winx Art Process" over the last few months in large part thanks to Winxsona Winter—which yes, I do still intend to eventually finish], instead of taking you through the general stuff again, I'm going to do a bullet-point list similar to one I did for Sirenix. 

The main difference is this time, it's more focused my observations for what similarities exist between Harmonix and Helena's costume, as opposed to just a list of Harmonix traits and how I handled them. [Though there will still some of that too, naturally.]

Most notably, both feature "fluffy" layered skirts. Harmonix skirts don't really look like the same fabric texture, but that could be either a stylistic/animation choice or could be chalked up to there also probably being some Wedding Dress inspiration in the designs alongside the Ballet elements.  Also, at first I didn't think the train on the Harmonix skirts was a similarity, but upon a closer look at the Helena music video...Helena's skirt is definitely longer and train-like in the back, so...Cool, I was wrong! 😄 And: As it turns out, Bloom's Harmonix skirt actually does have a small section that's ruffled a bit differently from the rest—It's just really hard to tell because on her, it's all the same pastel blue color. But as you can see, referencing that part of her skirt here to incorporate the Red underlayer that peaks through on Helena's skirt worked a treat! 😊 P.S. Wow I really hated drawing a lot of really tightly-confined ruffles like this. 😤 And trying to shade them was even worse! 🙃

Both feature form-fitting tops with minimal or no straps. I more specifically saw Helena similarities in Stella's Harmonix top [with the frills over the bust and structure lines below], and later I realized the top-most portion of Musa's has an even more similar kind of frill.  To that end, Helena's is once again definitely supposed to be something transparent like tulle, but since there really aren't any transparent fabric portions of Harmonix, I chose instead to use a slightly lighter near-black to give it a similar effect without breaking that Harmonix "rule." Also, the bodice portion is a true jet black with no shading. I tried the more typical near-black grey that could be shaded at first, but it just wasn't doing it for me. I tried this on a whim and decided it looked good enough to keep.

Most of the Harmonix designs have a kind of "belt" that connects the bodice to the skirt; Perfect match for Helena's red one!  Similarly, most of those same Harmonix designs have a "belt"/ribbon just under the bust as well. Helena does not, as far as I can tell. But I chose to add a read one here for a little extra variety and helping break up all that black.

The Harmonix shoes are almost entirely ribbons winding up the legs; Helena wears black ballet slippers with, you guessed it, black strings/ribbons that wind around her feet and ankles.  Now, maybe I could have gotten away with all-black ribbons and black for the heel portion of the shoes, but 1. The Harmonix designs all use 2 colors for the ribbons and the heel is usually in the "contrasting" color. 2. I knew from the beginning that the skirt train [a mandatory aspect of Harmonix] was going to either be black or a very dark grey, and even during the Concept phase before I had a specific pose in mind, I had a feeling the ribbon tails were going to overlap with said train. So I used a dark red. Originally, it was about as bright as her sash and belt, but then I realized Bloom and Musa's pink ribbons were darker than the pink used in the bodices, a darker red would be closer to the original black anyway, and that would yet again add just a tiny bit more visual variety.  One last note about the shoes: I did my best to match the original winding of Helena's shoe ribbon, except for the very first ribbon across where the toes connect to the rest of the foot. That strap was specifically added as a nod to how Helena's proper ballet slippers outright cover the toe. 

About the train: Similar to the bodice, I started out with the train in one color, the color you currently see for the skirt itself and the very top of the train. It was fine but I was itching for some more variety, so after reassuring myself "Layla/Aisha's train has a few different shades of green instead of being solid so it's fine," I used the different tiers [taken from Flora's train] to create a little bit of a gradient from the black to a charcoal grey. It kinda works as a hint toward Harmonix's more pastel palette. Sort of. 

Aside from Tecna, all the girls' hair is at least partially pulled back in Harmonix. This sorta works out because it appears the front "bang" sections of Helena's hair are pulled back. [In my brain I call this "Doll Hair" because I personally have seen that kind of look way more often on dolls than on real people.] It's similar to the front of Bloom's Enchantix hair.  The rest of Helena's hair appears pretty thick and a little wild, so I tried to incorporate a bit of that here, but I couldn't push it too far without "breaking" the Winx Style.  And while I'm here: I did choose to make Helena's hair a very dark brown. In the video, most of the time it does just look plain black, but there are moments where my eyes pick up on a "warmth" to the color, which makes me think maybe it really is that super-dark brown hair that just looks black. Even if it isn't, I stand by my choice as slightly more fitting for the Winx style, since Winx almost never does truly black hair anyway. 

All of the Harmonix designs feature some sort of small head accessory, usually a tiara. Helena's costume very prominently features netting over the face...And there appears to be something going on towards the back of her head, presumably whatever is holding the netting in place.  I've seen fan interpretations of whatever that is being flowers [usually black roses], and since Tecna has a few flower-ish pieces as part of her Harmonix tiara, that seemed like a fair choice here.  As for the netting...You'll see very briefly in the Time Lapse that during the concept phase, I really did want to include that, but it was too hard to ignore how out of place it felt. Winx rarely does anything with netting in the first place [though a couple of rare examples do exist], and considering certain parts of Harmonix feel like it was designed to be fairly simple [but look complex at first glance, which it does]...I just couldn't do it. So instead, I...Well, it ended up being almost a copy of Layla's Harmonix tiara, but I really truly did not realize how similar what I was doing was to hers until after the full-color version was pretty much done. 😅 I thought I was doing more of an upside-down version of Musa's, and my entire goal was to just do something that came down over the forehead like the netting did. 

Speaking of Musa, if those wings look familiar, they kinda should. Remember before that I mentioned I was originally working on a pretty tight timeline for this piece? 

One of the things that has proven to take me the longest with original Winx designs since I picked up making them semi-regularly again is undoubtedly the wings. I got to really learn that the hard way with Believix at the beginning of this year. 

Because of the very limited time I thought I had and my sluggish pace with wings, when while collecting Harmonix screenshots for reference I noticed "Hey, Musa's wings would still work pretty well if they were flipped upside down..." A little bit of a lightbulb went off. 

I don't even know why exactly that thought occurred to me before I'd even really considered the wings. The best I can figure is a little hangover in my subconscious—At one point I remember reading one of the Winx's Sirenix wings are apparently upside down at the end of her transformation sequence. That stuck out to me at the time because I don't really understand how you could tell if Sirenix wings are upside down or not because of how they're shaped. 🤨

Anyway. So I found a screenshot with a fairly clear shot of one of Musa's wings, flipped it around, and really just traced right over it. 

I did make a few small tweaks, and most notably I added some..."Lines of Tears?" like Layla and Flora's have, but at the end of the day they are still really Musa's wings. 

Normally, I wouldn't have done that and instead would've just taken heavy inspiration from Musa's wings, but again, I thought I had a lot less time than I really did. And to be fair, plenty of other Winx fans re-color or otherwise re-purpose the Canon Girls' wings for their OCs and/or Fan Transformations on a regular basis anyway, so it's not like this is a totally unheard-of idea or anything. 🤷‍♀️

Much later, I also figured in a way it fits; Musa is a fairy of Music, this artwork is largely based around a specific piece of music/the band that made it; I even opted to add music note shapes like Musa's wings produce [all the Harmonix wings produce specific shapes in that way] when they move to deepen that connection after I thought of it. 

Other things worth noting [and this is again a • bullet point list because, frankly, at the moment I'm just too lazy to make this all flow together in more story-like paragraphs]:

I did my best to match Helena's skin and eyes, but her lips and eye makeup were a little trickier. Her lips ended up a bit pinker and not as close to her skin tone in the spirit of Winx, and I had to compromise and use greyish reds shaped like the Trix's eyeshadow to get a similar effect. The eyeshadow still really isn't perfect for Helena or Winx, but I was short on other ideas so, "close enough is good enough."

The shape of the mouth isn't quite what I wanted, either. You'll see in the time-lapse that I already changed it pretty drastically from the first sketch I had. I definitely wanted something open, because while Helena's mouth is not open for the entire music video or anything, it is more open at certain points and this shot in particular is pretty iconic.  But I also didn't want anything too crazy because, y'know, Winx Club.  The bared teeth and lack of upturn for a smile was my compromise. Either the mouth itself needed some more tweaking, or the eyebrows did. The whole expression is okay, I just don't think I pushed it far enough. 🤷‍♀️

There isn't really one specific pose that represents Helena more than the others [...at least not standing up/dancing], so I picked mostly from a general feeling from the music video. I did reference some official stock arts of the Winx in Ballet attire [mostly this one of Flora], but the feet had to be changed pretty notably to fit the shoes, and overall I had to make some tweaks in the anatomy where the stock art and show style differ. [These differences seem to increase from Season 5 onward, too.] 

The background was mostly inspired by Layla's Harmonix, and it might be my favorite part of the whole piece, actually!  Upon closer studying for this project, I was surprised by how much "junk" is in some of the Harmonix backgrounds. There's tons of texture in all of them and a fair bit of color variation in most...It's pretty interesting compared to past transformations and even Harmonix itself. The backgrounds end up being a lot more intense than the solid and gentle pastel dresses. [Wouldn't surprise me if that was intentional!] I had a little more work cut out for me since I couldn't just slap bright colors all over the place. I did consider just sticking with blacks/greys/white and maybe some red, but I thought it might help my version of Helena here pop a little better if I was able to change up the palette just a bit. And, of course, the warmth of the background helps add more variety and liven the whole image up.  Much more to my delight though, I was able to create the background without having to download any new Procreate brushes! 🥳 Between a couple of default ones, the ocean-themed brushes I already had from previous projects, and a couple I just happened to pick up along the way [mostly as monthly freebies from brush makers who normally charge for their work], I had all the brushes I needed already right there, it just took a little experimenting. 

I will reiterate that while it still took time, making the art itself really wasn't so bad or difficult. And it helps that this ridiculous crossover idea was something I really wanted to make—Because if I didn't, who else would, right? 🤪

It's not perfect, sure. But it's here and it still came out pretty good overall, I think. So I'm happy. 😊

Now I would also like to take a moment to explain part of why putting the Time Lapse together for this piece ended up taking longer than it probably should have, because I really didn't have room to talk about it in the video itself...though it does sorta get a mention right at the beginning: The audio. 

To once again make a very long story short(er):

I, in my infinite wisdom, decided instead of the usual royalty-free music stock, to try and create a mash-up of Helena and the Harmonix song for this video. That was more or less the visual premise for the art, so why not go all-out with the theming?

For once, I cannot take you through the full nitty-gritty because, at least to my inexperienced brain, audio editing is a pretty nebulous process. But I can tell you that aside from inexperience, the other thing that probably held me back was my choice of program to handle the task. 

I did not have the patience nor motivation to try and teach myself how to use an audio program for this one silly project, and I semi-accidentally learned at the beginning of last year that DaVinci Resolve has an entire section dedicated to just editing the audio for videos. Since I was able to fumble my way around in there for the light audio editing I wanted to do at that time, I figured that was a slightly safer bet here. It may not have saved me a ton of time, but it was at least vaguely familiar, and for me, familiarity goes a long way in making me comfortable with a program even if I still don't really know what the heck I'm doing. 

This isn't really what DaVinci is supposed to be for—as far as I can tell it doesn't even have an "audio only" export option, which did complicate things a bit—and even if it was, I'm sure any true audiophile will still probably cringe a lot at what I managed to create.😅 I did my best to make it "tolerable" for a listen or two, but I know my ears are inherently biased since I know and enjoy both songs quite a bit already. But I did manage to get feedback from two persons that know notably more about audio than I do, and they weren't horrifically appalled, so I don't feel like I'm committing a crime against music by putting it out there, at least. 

Aside from that, the video did also have to wait on me to finish this description [to a certain extent, anyway]. For smaller projects, I can usually write the on-screen notes for the video first and worry about the description later, but most of the time for a big project like this, I need the bulk of this written description done first so I have a baseline of all the things I want to mention and can pare down from there. 

I can do a fair bit of the video editing up until the point I need those notes, but once I hit that wall there's really no way around it. And in this case, I did actually use all that other video editing as a form of procrastinating on the description. 😅

Most likely because I knew there was going to be a lot to cover, I really put off like 70% of this description as long as possible. 🫣 The other 30% I actually did relatively soon after the art was ready. The plan was to go ahead and get most of it out of the way, but clearly I lost my writing mojo partway through and had to come back to it later...and I was still a little lazy with certain aspects. 

But hey, the description isn't the art, it's just meant to describe the art, so whatever works, yeah?

In any case, I think that's everything I wanted to mention about this particular process. It's been quite a ride, and I'm glad it's over. Mostly so I can go back to working on some other projects I already had cooking before this one came up, but also...I am just glad this is one of those ideas that, as I said much earlier, originally got put on an "eventually" shelf in my brain and actually got to come to fruition fairly quickly after the fact. 

Kinda gives me more hope than I previously had for some of those other "eventually" projects, which is nice. 🙂

Similarly: I don't know if I'll find a way to revisit Winx Club x MCR ever again, but I'm thrilled I I found a way to do it at least once! Doubly so that I'm happy with how it turned out! 😊 With that in mind, you never know. It's possible I'll figure out another way to do it again someday. 

In the meantime, I leave you Sparklers to enjoy this one and the time lapse [whether you're brave enough for the mash-up version or opt for the "easy listening" one instead]. 😉 s usual, I'm off to those other projects I mentioned shortly ago...

_______

Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings Winx Club © Rainbow S.p.A.

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and associated concepts © My Chemical Romance

[heliza24]

Happy Anniversary Black Sails

It's been ten years since the first episode aired and almost five since I watched it for the first time in 2019. I just got emotional thinking about it, because I watched that show during one of the worst months of my life. I was so, so sick when I watched for the first time and some days it was my only motivation to fight through the pain and fatigue because I didn't let myself watch until I got out of bed. I don't remember my reaction to most of the first watch because my brainfog was so bad. But I knew I loved it, and by the time I finally had a diagnosis a month or two later I was rewatching it. And then I watched it again when I was quarantining with my dad at the beginning of the pandemic, and then again when I moved in with my roommate later that year, and it saved me again, because I was more scared than I had ever been but I felt safe in Nassau. I've only really become a serious writer in the last five years and I feel like so much of that is due to Black Sails. So much of my understanding of story and character is based on that show, and so much of my political consciousness and queer and poly identity are too. It lies at the foundation of my friendship with @kcrabb88 and I am so grateful she introduced the show to me and I'm so happy that she and I and @librarianladyx get to talk about it as a shared place that we love forever. And even though @coruscantrhapsody and @bluedalahorse haven't watched the show I still associate it with them, with our little polyglute friend group of all five of us, because I was watching it when we first made our groupchat and started zooming every week during the pandemic and really became a unit. The sand won't love you back, but the people you meet while walking on it will.

I guess I'm less active in Black Sails fandom now than I was a few years ago, but it will always be THE show for me. The art that leaves the mark, and all that. Happy anniversary to the fandom, you all are some of the smartest and fiercest pirates I have ever met on these internet seas, and I love you for it x

[artandpunishment]

i so over this breakup. my ex made me feel special and like shit simultaneously. they posted on their insta today about how they're grateful for the people in their life. and my gut twisted reading that because i know. i know how badly they used to want to talk to me. i know how much they enjoyed being with me. when we broke up, i swear to god they said that i was so strong, and that i was hard to describe—like a song, that they are unsure if they'll ever date anyone again, that they had wished that we could go out to get ramen the same way we did when we were together, that they want to be able to come back to my house again.

no.

you don't fucking get that. you well never ever get that back. it has been two fucking months and i still feel horrible. i want to scream all of this in their face, show how painful it is. because they don't get it. they never fucking got it. when i told you i contemplated self harm, you started talking about resolving shit with my family. don't talk to me about them, don't lecture me about that. i wanted you to fucking listen. i never told anyone that and you didn't fucking listen.

you lied to me. you broke up with me after i finally asked if we were together. then, a month passed, i tried to be nice to you, i wanted to get back together despite what you did and how you treated me. and what do i get for that? nothing. good memories that only make me downplay all of the bad, disregarding of my fucking feelings. i tried so hard to make him love me, to see what i invested in, to make them see how much i cared about him. and what am i left with now?

the echos of how hard you cried the night we broke up. I asked, "we are never getting back together?" and the firm no i heard in response is the worst no i have ever been told. you may as well have hit me with how much that fucking stings. don't tell me how strong i am. i was literally too surprised to speak. despite you wanting to break up so badly, there i was, on my bed, asking you what it would be like if we were to be just friends?

oh, wait. back in october when you had an epiphany, a couple weeks before our one year anniversary (post the break up and get back together) that we barely have anything in common, that you know people who would work better with me, and you had the gall to ask that if we broke up, would we still be friends? i told you no, months ago, because i loved you too much. well so much for that. because either way, in fucking february, we still broke up. I had to bring it up. I had to ask, hey, how do you feel about us? i wanted to talk about the resistance to intimacy and whether or not you were really committed to being together. i swear to god a light went off. this had been the sign to them all along, the one they had been waiting for. we changed locations, felt better, and then i realized what that conversation pointed to. i had to fucking ask. you knew, you knew that i cared more than you did, and despite saying that you didn't want to lead me on,

saying that you just wanted us to "agree to let the romance (that they didn't really feel) go." oh my fucking god. fuck you so much.

there is so much to unpack here. i know it is toxic as helllll of me to still be hanging on, to still be angry, to post about it on my tumblr that is linked to my art insta, that they could see if they chose to peruse the blog. and i know it is also very toxic for me to want them to see it. but holy shit. i want them to know. i want them to know how shitty they made me felt and tell me they are sorry. while i don't like that they said they were unsure if they'd ever date someone again, i hope that if they were to continue acting this way, i hope they never start another half-assed situationship, fling, relationship, because that way, no one will hurt at their hands, in this way, ever again. because this fucking sucks.

and i know that i have been active on my insta's, i still have them on my close friends, but all i post are memes and selfies. not "i'm so grateful for everyone even though i'm a little tired." ok. great. i'm tired too. i just got hired for a wonderful job, and am working on some really cool shit, but it is so hard for me to love and embrace that, love and embrace myself, and to even focus on any of that, because i have been sick to my stomach with knowing all that i do.

i want them to know that their sister still replies to my stories, complementing my art. your mom and brother still follow me on insta. your grandma started following my art account.

i had to unfollow their band, a bandmate and their partner, and my ex from my art account, because i couldn't stomach seeing them again. i never liked that bandmate anyway. but i don't want to see shit about the band. i don't want to see how grateful you are on the feed that is supposed to be inspiring.

fuck you. <3

[toonabby]

Welp... (#FireDavidZaslav)

I never though of making this, but a few hours ago, Coyote Vs Acme, the most highly anticipated movie to come out the Looney Tunes, has been shelved and would not be releasing at all.

When I heard this I was confused and disappointed: "Why would they cancel this movie?" I thought to myself. "Oh right, TAXES and MONEY!" I was already aware of Zaslav's mistreatment of animation but this made me sad in particular considering that the movie was completed by the time it was cancelled.

All of those animators that have put their sweat and guts into this film for over two years. Gone. By contrast, the universally-reviled Velma got green light for a second season, while 2023's The Flash not only somehow survived cancellation, but also kept Ezra Miller - who had a lot of criminal activity throughout 2022 - as the titular character in spite of the potential legal trouble they'll get for having a convicted criminal in a role of a mainstream film, let alone still continue acting.

As I said in a comment on a YT video, any hope I had with WB and especially Zaslav is pretty much gone. Hell, I would argue that any hope I had with this year is gone. Between the abysmal beginning (the aforementioned Velma, the career-destroying scandals of Justin Roiland and Elliot Gindi, with the latter having only stared voiced acting for five months before the allegations came out, and the widespread, messy but otherwise pointless Hogwarts Legacy drama), the doubling down of Hollywood and especially WB's maltreatment of animation, several formally revered people getting exposed left and right, and tech giants making inane decisions, most notable Elon's takeover of Twitter and Reddit's API Changes, its honestly not a hyperbole or an exaggeration to say I despise this year. Not to an extent of 2020, but still pretty bad, and 2023 sucking was something I've been genuinely dreading when December of last year came.

And speaking of last year, this day marks the unfortunate first anniversary of the controversy DeviantArt got into when they decided to implement AI into their platform known for art made by actual people, NOT machines. Is every Nov. 11 going forward gonna have a company screwing over their audience and employees?

If there's one silver lining to this devastating situation, it's that the producers of said film would be able to watch it on private screenings next week. That, and the potential content leaks of said film.

At this rate, WB is dangerously close to becoming the ActiBliz of animation - a company full of greedy scumbags who take delight in screwing over their audience and their people.

To close this post off, I will no longer be supporting WB and its related content from now on (at least legally). I'll be removing my profile off of HBO Max (or rather Max) and deleting the service on my TV. I'll also remove every video from the Cartoon Network YouTube channel off my watch history even though they had nothing to do with this situation, I just don't like associating myself with a scummy company regardless of how I feel about the products themselves. That obviously doesn't mean I automatically hate anything by WB nor do I want to remove them from my history, I'm just saying is that I don't want to support anything by WB if that means I'm profiting of from the company. I'll also delete/private my fan art commemorating the company's centennial, because as I said before, I'm not respecting a company that treats its own works like disposable tools while giving other works a slap on the wrist in spite of their abysmal quality. Talk about double standards...

TL;DR: WB cancels a film that has already been completed and everyone is restoring to pirating their content, including me.

EDIT: Okay, changed my mind. I'm ONLY going to delete everything from JUST Warner Bros., the company, not the products they own. That doesn't mean I WON'T be deleting anything that celebrates the company though.

EDIT 2: Even though I'm not supporting WB anymore, I'm keeping my 100th anniversary post (at least on this site) for "archival/historical" purposes.

[tripleseptet]

Tell us about the Alex origin story :3

So, about two monthsish ago I found a fic on AO3 that I enjoyed! Yall probably know it already if you’re asking, but the important part is that it was the one with fullbody skill portraits at the top of each chapter. I thought that was pretty cool, bookmarked it, then went to tumblr to look for similar content about the skills, cause I hadn’t thought about them in that type of way before and I thought it was cool. I stumble upon! That very same art in the tumblr search! Wrow! So I follow this creator for a while. And I find their NSFW blog. and I follow THAT for a while. Send a few anons, reblog a LOT of their posts, and then realize. Hey uh. you’re startin to feel a lil parasocial there bud. And I hate feeling that about myself so I took action.

That action was actually DMing them. And we hit it off great!! I got their discord and we messaged every day for i think like two weeks? Found out we both live in the same general area, but about 4 hours away from each other. I confess my love to them, tell them its 100% ok if they dont reciprocate, and they say they don’t, but they’d like to still be friends. I say great! And we continue being friends. After a few video calls, writing together, etc. we work out a way to meet up, involving *drumroll please* … The underfunded public bus system. Insert dramatic sound effect.

Now, I’m a bit of a bubble boy. Can’t even drive on my own, so I’ve never really gone somewhere on my own, ESPECIALLY somewhere 4 hours away. But I decide to be brave. After all, they promised me they’d do whatever was necessary to make me comfortable, and wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, and I trusted them. Packed a bag, made cookies, bought them an alligator plushie, and I was on my way. Side note, I gave my bus seat neighbor a cookie to bribe him into liking me. He fell asleep on me 3 hours in and I was too spineless to wake him up so I just let it happen.

Without going into detail, the visit went great. I don’t think there’s a single thing we would change. After I take the bus AGAIN home (the sunset was beautiful and the city lights were so nice) we text every day again. And after a few days they say they want to be my partner, and they thank me for my patience in not insisting on being together.

Since then we’ve visited I think three times? Maybe two. We’re planning another visit soon. I love the time we spend together, I wait every day I’m NOT over there thinking about what it’ll be like to be there. And of course we text constantly. In case yall were curious, our 1 month anniversary was the day before yesterday. Since we didn’t get to celebrate then, I’m making us a cake to celebrate this weekend.

TLDR: AO3 to tumblr to discord to sloppy makeouts pipeline

[the-script-demands-it]

Welcome to...

Rad's enormous pile of abandoned MetaWare WIPs/things that ARE finished but I didn't like them/WIPs that I might come back to/other stuff!

Below the "keep reading" button will be a detailing of all of these images! Please be aware that this WILL be an extremely long post, so... Just a warning. There'll be a second post after this that will also contain the rest of the art that I wasn't able to squeeze in here. (Even 30 pics per Tumblr post isn't enough for this...)

Let's start off with the most recently abandoned WIP!

I started drawing this about two weeks after Chris' birthday (her bday is January 4th) and I was really happy with it, but then I had NO idea how to pose Izzy. It's a bummer since I liked how Chris' hair came out, but alas! (Happy belated birthday, Chris!)

Possibility of finishing?: Yeah, maybe. Prob will have to change Izzy's pose if I really want to finish it though.

Oh hey, I posted this a few months ago on my other blog!

Really wish I finished it, but now that I'm looking back on it, there's definitely some improvement to be had here. I don't like whatever's going on with her face. You can tell that I gave up while trying to make the background as well. Poor Hope!

Possibility of finishing?: I'll have to completely redraw this if I plan on finishing it, but I've definitely got a feeling that I'll come back to this someday.

Hmph!

This one's actually pretty finished, I've just never posted it anywhere before because it's such a small little doodle. I like it though! Nari in a Gir tassel hat is always welcome.

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done. Don't plan on editing it!

(This happens on the rude route!)

It's basically just a proof of concept, and a VERY minimal one at that, but I think it's got some merit! Not enough people talk about that Chris Vs Aspen scene, honestly.

Possibility of finishing?: Sometime this year maybe...??? I don't plan on abandoning this forever, I just don't really know when I'll get around to it.

AUTISM BLAST PT. 1

Hey, remember that art I had pinned on my other blog for a while? I was planning on redrawing it, but I only ever managed to complete one part of it until I forgot about it... It's definitely an upgrade from the original version, though I can do better than this nowadays.

Possibility of finishing?: I'm DEFINITELY going to redraw this someday. I need a new pinned post, damn it!

Thx ^]

Okay, here's some context for these two. I got an anonymous ask on my other account saying that they liked my MetaWare PFP and I thought that it would be a great idea if I responded to it with some art and also turn that same post into an announcement for my MetaWare sideblog (this one!), but that of course did not actually happen.

Possibility of finishing?: NO.

Nari looks so... "off" in this picture.

I like how I drew Hope, but ergh... that is NOT Nari. I don't know how I managed to make her look like a completely different character in this one, but I do NOT like it.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, I think I'm done with this pic.

Woah, scary!

I actually touched this one up a bit before sending it here. It used to look MUCH more incomplete, but it's basically done now besides from the hair being missing 'n all.

Possibility of finishing?: I might draw more MetaWare stuff with drastic lighting in the future, but I don't plan on revisiting this specifically.

Le miaow miaows.

I worked on Hope before sending this because she looked kinda off, but I think she looks OK now. You can see that this isn't really what my usual art style looks like. I was trying to mix together the original MetaWare sprite art style and the style SparkBag used in the polaroid anniversary art he made, and I think I did just fine.

Possibility of finishing?: It's basically already done! Coloring it would probably make it cooler, but I don't think I'll ever do that.

This won't be the last time I try to use eyes symbolically.

I still REALLY want to revisit this again. It's great! It's magnificent! I just did NOT have the ability to execute it properly back when I made it a ton of months ago, so I just didn't do it. Still don't know if I do now, but it's worth a shot. (This was basically just another proof of concept, by the way.)

Possibility of finishing?: Absolutely! I'll try to get to this sometime soon this year.

GRILLING START ! ! !

Yep, this was based off of Papyrus' "Dating Start!" minigame! Just another proof of concept or... Okay I don't know what else to call these. Like, they're definitely NOT finished nor are they actual fleshed out sketches, what else am I supposed to call them???? I think it's cool though.

Possibility of finishing?: Don't think I'll be ditching this idea anytime soon. Seems kinda simple to draw too, I'll get to it sometime.

Lookin' pretty cute!!

Context for this one: It was gonna be a 3 part comic or something with Hope drawing Nari's bear fursona. Never actually made the comic though, but I DID make her fursona!!! It's the one right below this one, actually.

Possibility of finishing?: Nope.

BEAR NARI BARI LET'S GO

Personally, I think this is adorable. When drawing people's fursonas I always kinda make them more animal than anthropomorphic, but I think it leads to pretty cute art!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done!

I was just testing out a brush with this one, I think.

It's a cute little doodle, don't have much to say about it though! I WILL say that the bear plushie was a bit inspired by my own plush I have at home, though this one is much smaller than mine.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, it's just a little doodle.

Ingo Nari... Ingri... Angry!?!

iiii really think I made the hat too big. Like... WAY too big. Don't really like how her face came out, but the body itself is pretty OK. I based it too much on Ingo's original pose though, kinda looks like I just put Nari's head on his head LMAO

Possibility of finishing?: This is basically already finished, though I might draw Nari cosplaying as Ingo again. Why not?

(Bonus Ingri!)

Nari in a hoodie!

Don't exactly remember what this was for. Either it was for an AU of mine or someone else's AU. Her front hair's kinda too far down though, I had a bit of a habit making her face REALLY small compared to her hair in my old art.

Possibility of finishing?: Nay!

Wow, Nari with an eye AND eyebrows! Who woulda thunk it.

Her hair is much puffier than previous versions in this one. Why? Dunno. She looks pretty cool AND cute in this though!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already complete.

My polar bear plush makes a cameo in this one! Say hi!

I had to edit this one a SHIT ton before sending this final picture. I wish I had a pin that said "I HATE DRAWING METAWARE STYLE NOSES" because I loathe them. There were other reasons why I didn't like the original version, but I was annoyed with the nose the most. Really happy how this came out though!

Possibility of finishing?: I just finished it right now. (I'll probably be posting this on its own sometime soon)

Some original characters...!? Unthinkable!

This features Lumi (Metolefrul-indus' fan character) and an old version of Rowan (my fan character)! I changed Rowan's design and personality soon after this, so I don't think this interaction with Lumi and Rowan will actually ever happen... Sorry Lumi! 'Twas just a little doodle.

Possibility of finishing?: NEVER.

Last but not least (for this post, anyway), is this Chris and Izzy sketch!

Some pals requested this during a stream and this was all I managed to make of it... I'm so sorry!!!!!!! They were good prompts!!! I'll finish it one day I swear!!!!

Possibility of finishing?: Soon!

PHEW WE'RE DONE FOR THIS POST. We have 20 more to go in the next one! Might post it next week because this is tiring holy hell. Glad to show these WIPs off to the world though!

P.S. I'm going to skip a few images seen in the huge pic at the beginning! Some were already completed and I'll just post those on their own orrrr I just don't want to review 'em.

[savefilescomng12]

Keith Urban Still Tries to ‘Impress’ Nicole Kidman With His Concerts (Exclusive)

If you spot Nicole Kidman at a Keith Urban concert, just know that he’s going to take it up a notch. “It fires me up a bit more,” he tells PEOPLE of his wife’s attendance at this shows, one day after the couple made a head-turning appearance at the 2024 Met Gala. “I try to impress her.”The couple shares two children — Sunday, 15, and Faith, 13 — and they’ll celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary next month, so it’s not farfetched to assume Kidman, 56, is already in awe of her husband. Still, Urban feels the need to get approval from those closest to him, including his father, Bob Urban, who passed in December 2015. “I feel like I'm still trying to make my dad proud, and I think my dad was proud years ago,” Urban, 56, says. “My dad's not even alive anymore and I still feel like I'm trying to get his approval. So certain things just stay part of my fire.”Urban will bring that fire to Las Vegas this fall for his just-announced 10-show Las Vegas residency, dubbed “High,” at Fontainebleau’s BleuLive Theater. No stranger to the gambling mecca, having headlined residency shows at Caesars Palace and Planet Hollywood, Urban said he’ll approach “High” differently than his previous performances. “The only challenge I get in Vegas is obviously you've got a big mix of people. You've got some hardcore fans, you've got some people that know some of your songs, but you've always got people that don’t know anything that I do, and they're just curious,” he adds. “I try and get everyone connected and into it as fast as possible.” Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman attend The 2024 Met Gala Celebrating "Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion" at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Vegas audiences, he says, makes him prove his worth, which he relishes. And, the BleuLive Theater, which opened along with the hotel in December 2023, is set up so that energy spreads throughout.  "I think the room's quite magical. I got to see it maybe two weeks before the grand opening, so they hadn't even finished. They were still finishing it out and it just felt really special right there and then,” Urban says. “It has a really big area, so I thrive off that kind of thing, so I'm looking forward to building the show in there.”If Kidman is in the audience, expect fireworks. Urban is scheduled to perform at Fontainebleau’s BleuLive Theater on Oct. 4, 5, 9, 11, and 12; Feb. 14, 15, 19, 21, and 22. Source link Read the full article

[sukunasdirtylaugh]

Happiness- g.satoru

a/n: this is just brain writing. I needed to throw out some words and made this. I actually like the plot of this so yeah, I decided to write this. the story actually came to a nice end as (on shuffle) my phone played kevin kaarl's, 'good times'.

fyi- this is modern au featuring rich boy gojo.

tags: college au, time skip, mentions of death. rekindled romance, friends to lovers, soft humor.

gojo satoru didn't know when it was you last slipped from the cracks of the earth. as desperate as it sounded, he still hoped to see you one day. and once every few months when the night was slow, he'd find himself in search for anything that would be a piece of you.

the 3rd time he tried to look for you over the internet, the possibility of you dying haunted the back of his head. what if you died? what if you were sick? or perhaps what if something happened to you that made you not want to upload your life on social media?

it nearly offended him that you appeared as a figment of his imagination.

nearly 4 years had gone by, 4 years since he last heard your voice, 4 years since the two of you shared a seat next to each other in your creative arts class.

"hey,” satoru asked, 2 years ago on a windy January night, “do you remember that girl from my creative arts class?"

"kinda," his best friend, suguru replies. "why? you trynna' find her?"

maybe, he replies back. I was just wonderin' what happened to her is all. thought maybe it'd be nice to have a reunion or something. last I remember is you liking her.

suguru scoffed, indignantly taking a sip of his warm wine.

"I only liked her because she put you in your place."

that was 2 years ago.

now, with the absence of him, satoru felt the loneliness engulf him day by day. at 25, he felt no sense of connection when it came to interpersonal-relationships, and a part of him begged to hear something from you. even if it was just a rumor... anything would suffice as long as there was an indication that you were still alive.

without expectations he found you on a late January evening, a week before suguru's anniversary. gojo’s father has annually hosted these philanthropic events where artists would exhibit their art, network, and money would go towards charities.

all satoru wanted to do was leave. an hour passed by and he felt the itching urge to leave. there simply wasn’t anything, besides his father’s prestige, to keep him there. suguru would have surely disapproved if he had left, he knew of this, so gojo roamed the building with both of his hands in the pocket of his pants until a particular person he recognized stood several feet away. he froze.

"hey,"

he was certain the notion of time did not exist in the duration of his walk towards you. and when you smiled, he felt like he could breathe again.

of course I remember you! we were class partners in university! you had said, and gojo reminds himself that this was a conversation, and in order to have one he needed to speak. what are you doing now-a-days? he smiles teasingly, I haven't seen you in years! it's almost as if you disappeared off the face of the earth.

"oh,” your cheeks burn red, “I actually finished my master's degree. I teach at a local community college now."

"are... you happy?"

"I suppose I could be happier, but couldn't we all?" gojo notices the sheepish, kind smiled he had once memorized. the two of you stood as two familiar strangers as people walked past you, their footsteps almost matching the thumps of your hearts.

"anyways, I probably went off topic. I'm actually here because a student of mine submitted their work here-" your eyes trail to a patch of green hair that's pulled into a ponytail. "hey maki!!"

a girl, wearing square framed glasses waves back to you and gojo is unsure if she's also waving at him, so he offers a small wave back. "a student of yours?"

"yeah, like I said, community college. most of them are fresh out of high school with zero experience so I'm teaching the kids how to network and socialize. it’s such an important life skill, you know? who knows what'll happen to us if we're alone with no one by our side."

"yeah," he agrees, "speaking of that- are you married? that sounds awfully old of you."

you giggle, "hey- I'm not that old. we're 25, don't forget we're the same age. and to answer your question, I am not married. are you?"

"no," he breathes in what could be relied, “a-are you doing anything after the event? I'd like to take you out for coffee. not the kind you'd drink in university."

"and you remember," you shoot, instinctively remembering the flow your old conversations you once missed. "and no, I’m not doing anything after this.”

satoru smiles, "great. c-can I show you around? there's a painting out here that reminds me of our old instructor."

"the grouchy one?"

"I was going to say professor richards, but that works too."

"great," your grin sends bolts of electricity running down his stomach and he has to check himself back to reality when you grab his arm, "I'm looking forward to hearing about you, gojo satoru. now tell me, do you still have that awful habit of carrying suckers in your pocket? or have you grown old as well?"

satoru chuckles, pulling out a wrapped sweet from his pocket. "me, old? never." and your laugh sends a warmth down his chest. and gojo thinks, knows that this is right. this moment, and he prays that you'll let him give you these moments if you stay.

a/n: comments are always appreciated :) <3

[zafirosreverie]

Por amor al arte (Julieta x Fem!Reader) part 28

part1 < > next

song used: Por amor al arte by Ivan Guevara

__________________________

"I just came to warn you that I heard your daughters secreting in the yard" you said casually

“Oh no…what are they planning now?” Julieta sighed, putting another batch of cupcakes in the oven.

"I don't know, I don't have Dolores’ gift" you shrugged "I just came to let you know, so in case something happens, you know it wasn't me"

The brunette looked at you with a smile as you took one of the pastry bags from the table and began to decorate the cake. Today was a big day, it was Eliza's birthday party, her first anniversary. If you were honest, she had actually turned a year old a month ago, but due to the passing of your brother a few weeks earlier, the celebration had been delayed until now.

It was also the day that you and Julieta would finally talk to her daughters and tell them the truth about your relationship, which had you on the verge of a mental breakdown due to nerves. The brunette had done everything possible to assure you that everything would be fine, that Isabela would be excited for sure and Luisa and Mirabel adored you. In the very unlikely case that they didn't accept it at first, they eventually would.

But you could see behind her facade. You only had to look into her eyes to see the deep fear she felt as well. She didn't want her daughters to think badly of her, to believe that she was trying to replace their father. She didn't want them to hate her. And then you would spring into action, assuring her that no matter what, her three daughters loved her and nothing was going to change that.

So here the two of you were, trying to support each other when you knew perfectly well the other was scared to death as well. A great couple, really.

"Allow me" she said, trying to take the pastry bag from your hand.

“Ah-ah” you said, walking away from her “my daughter, my cake”

“I made the cake” she crossed her arms

"Which means I get to decorate it!" you argued “how hard can it be to make jingle bells and caterpillars?”

“They look like potatoes, not caterpillars, Y/N”

“If you are going to be insulting my art, get out of my kitchen, Madrigal”

"It's MY kitchen, Y/L/N" the brunette told you, outraged "And give me that, you're going to stain the cake"

“I will if you keep moving me!”

“Y/N!”

"Julieta!"

"Niñas!"

You two jumped and looked embarrassed while Alma looked at you with her typical strict mother look and a very amused Pepa laughed behind her. You looked out of the corner of your eye to see Julieta blushing at being caught being childish. She was adorable.

"I can’t believe it. You two can't be alone for a moment without fighting? One would think that would come after marriage” the redhead winked at you

"Pepa!" Julieta grunted, blushing more, but it only made her sister laugh louder.

“Very well, save the teasing for later. We have many things to finish and the guests are almost here” Alma interrupted “Pepa, help your sister with the cake, Y/N and I will take care of the cupcakes” she winked at you

"Yes!" you jumped, happy that they let you decorate something.

"Yes, mom" The sisters answered in unison.

The four of you got down to business, with you and Alma making more frosting for the cupcakes while Pepa and Julieta decorated the cake. You heard laughter from outside and you smiled as you looked out the window and saw Félix, Mariano, and Bruno with buckets on their heads, making Eliza laugh, jumping on Dolores's lap. When Camilo entered the kitchen a few moments later and began to help his mother and aunt, you couldn't help but feel a warm feeling wash over you.

They were your family, no matter what would happen later with Julieta's daughters. You only hoped that Karim, Agustín, and Aharhel were watching this from heaven.

________________________________

"Luisa, stay still!" Isabela scolded "You're going to make me ruin your makeup"

"Sorry, I'm nervous"

“We all are, but we need this to work out. For mom” Mirabel reminded her.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry"

Mirabel took her sister's hand while Isabela finished her makeup. The three of them were in Toñito's room, getting ready for the surprise they had prepared, while the boy was in charge of watching the door so that no one surprised them, especially you or Julieta. They knew they should probably be helping out with the party, but there were already enough hands and this was of the utmost importance.

With everything that had happened, they never seemed to find the perfect time to use Karim's song. However, when you announced that you wanted to celebrate Eliza's birthday and that you were ready, Isabela knew that this would be a perfect time. She didn't want to take the attention away from the girl, but she knew that if it wasn't now, maybe she and her sisters wouldn't have the courage to do it later.

And boy did they need courage.

The plan was simple in theory: sing Karim's song, make you and their mother realize that you love each other, be a happy family. But bringing it to reality had been much more difficult. First, they had to find the perfect melody for the lyrics (who knew that Camilo would be the one to do it?), then they had to practice it until they knew it by heart.

Perhaps what made them nervous the most was your reaction. They knew that their mother loved you and it was obvious that you loved her too, but what about them? Sure, you were very kind to them and had given them so much, they even saw Eliza as a sister and knew that she was already a daughter to their mother. But would you love them as daughters too? They really hoped so.

"Alright, I’m done" Isabela said

"I almost wish you had taken longer" Luisa admitted.

"Come on, everything will be alright" Mirabel smiled, even though she could feel her heart beating strongly.

"Yes, and when they get married, I'll be the maid of honor" the oldest commented

"Why you?" Mirabel crossed her arms.

“Because I will decorate everything and make the most beautiful flowers for them”

"So what? I'll make their dresses, which is more important than the flowers, so I should be the maid of honor."

“They can buy dresses anywhere else, Mirabel, but my flowers are unique”

“They are just flowers, Isa, they will dry in two days”

“Not on my watch”

Luisa rolled her eyes, before standing in the middle of her sisters to break up the discussion. She was happy that Isabela and Mirabel were back on good terms, but that meant they talked to each other more and that in turn ended in more arguments. Typical sister stuff, she supposed.

“Enough you two. First, we have to get them together, then we see who will be the maid of honor” she said, amused.

Isabela and Mirabel crossed their arms and stuck out their tongues at each other, frowning. After a few moments of silence, the two broke out laughing and hugged their middle sister. It was good to know that no matter what happened today, they had each other.

"Okay, let's get out of here" Mirabel said "showtime!"

Isabela watched her sisters leave Antonio's room, staying behind for a moment. She sighed and closed her eyes to "talk" to Karim for a moment, as she used to do whenever she needed encouragement.

“It's your song, Karim” she whispered “You made it for her…please, please help us today…And Dad, if you're listening too…I hope you don't think we're replacing you. We never would! But I know you would want Mom and us to move on. So, if you can, help us too. They both deserve to be happy."

______________________________

"Mamá!" Eliza laughed and pointed to the rainbow above her.

You smiled from your place, several meters away, while you watched Pepa and Félix dance with your daughter. Casita was full and Isabela had been very kind to lend her room for the party since it was Eliza's favorite (after Julieta's, although Eli loved any room where her mamá Juli was). People were enjoying themselves and dancing, and you had already had to go to the kitchen for more sandwiches three times.

Alma had been looking at you with pride and affection since the party started and you had even managed to drag Bruno onto the dance floor a couple of times. The only thing you were worried about was the Madrigal grandchildren.

Dolores had excused herself for a moment, saying she needed to rest from the noise, while Camilo quickly took Anotnio away without saying anything. And of Julieta's daughters, there was no trace. Yes, you saw them for a moment at the beginning of the party, and you were a little surprised to see the dresses they were wearing, matching Eliza's (which had been Mirabel's gift), but you hadn't seen them since you saw Isabela whispering something to her sisters and the three of them had slipped away.

It worried you. You and Julieta knew that time was running out. No matter how much you were enjoying your daughter's party, you knew that with every passing minute, that much-needed talk was getting closer.

"Are you okay?" Julieta asked, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Yes, just... I don't feel good about the way Camilo smiled at me before running away from here" you said

"I know what you mean" she smiled "definitely planning something"

"And I'll be the target" you shuddered falsely "I feel like I'm in danger around here"

"Don't worry, stay with me, I'll protect you"

You laughed softly and gave her a quick hug. Of course, she would protect you, it was what she had been doing for a long, long time, what you two had been doing ever since you met.

"What would I do without you, my knight in shining armor?" you mocked her

"Probably ruin cakes" she laughed.

"Hey! The caterpillars were looking good! And I only ruined three cupcakes” you defended yourself

"It’s okay, at least your plates and paints are beautiful, mi amor- Y/N!" she corrected herself quickly, blushing and looking around to make sure no one had heard her slip.

You laughed and rolled your eyes fondly. In truth, you cared very little what people thought of you, and she knew that as soon as her daughters gave you permission to date their mother, she could say goodbye to her name, you would only call her sweet and cheesy nicknames. It was a warning that the brunette had accepted. But seeing her blushing was always cute.

You were about to tease her a bit when you saw the Madrigal grandchildren coming back out of the corner of your eye. Luisa was carrying the piano, while Camilo was carrying a guitar and Dolores was leading a very excited Antonio by the hand. You looked at Julieta and she shrugged, not knowing what was going on either.

You two split up so you could get closer to the family, who were gathering near the dance floor. Mirabel called everyone to pay attention and Isabela shyly approached you, holding something behind her back.

"I know this party is to celebrate our Eliza's first anniversary" Mirabel said, smiling at the girl in her aunt's arms "But if you'll let us, we have a surprise for you too, Y/N"

You frowned in confusion. A surprise for you? That was what these precious rascals had been planning? Isabela showed you what she had behind her and you gasped as you recognized your brother's charred and battered notebook. Where had she gotten it from?

“I…found this when we cleaned your house” the girl explained “I'm sorry I didn't give it to you then, I was going to, really! But then I read…something, and I knew I had to wait for the right moment. I hope when you hear this you can forgive me."

"Isabela" you heard Julieta scold her a few meters from you, but you were not upset, but intrigued.

"Hear what?" you asked, taking the notebook with trembling hands.

“He had one last message for you, Y/N” the girl smiled at you “would you let us…sing it to you?”

You rolled your eyes fondly. Of course it was a song, your brother had had the soul of an artist just like you, even though his work rarely allowed him a moment of rest to write. You smiled at the expectant girl in front of you and nodded gently.

"Go ahead" you told her.

Isabela returned your smile and nodded, turning to her sisters and cousins. It amused you to see how the six took their positions, with Luisa on the piano, Camilo on the guitar, and Antonio on the tambourine. You guessed that Mirabel, Isabela, and Dolores were going to sing. It was obvious that everyone had put incredible effort into this and it warmed your heart that they all worked together for you.

Camilo started strumming the guitar (that boy was pure talent, from theater to music, okay?) and you shivered a little when Dolores winked at you and smiled knowingly. Wait, what were they going to do? What kind of message had Karim left you? If it was something embarrassing, you were going to bring him back to life just so you could kill him yourself-

"Por amor al arte"

Mirabel began to sing, interrupting your thoughts.

“They stopped writing stories to tell you

The seas of dreams dried up to wake you up”

You couldn't prevent the thousands of memories from running into your mind, not when you knew that, although it was Mirabel's voice, it was your brother's words. And god knows he had tried to make you forget all the false stories people told you when Daniel left. That it was your fault, that it was natural for him to react like that, that you should give him time and you would see how he would come back, that it was your duty to wait for him as long as necessary.

For a while, you had convinced yourself that it was true, that perhaps if you were good enough, you would deserve that man's forgiveness. It took fate to send you Julieta to wake you up. She showed you how it felt to be truly loved, without conditions, she taught you the life you truly wanted, she gave you true promises, not children's stories.

"Por amor al arte

night became day

Erasing the dark shadow of your loneliness”

Unbeknownst to you, you weren't the only one who was invaded by memories. As Dolores sang, Julieta clearly saw all those moments passing in front of her. From the moment Casita was destroyed, when she was plunged into darkness so thick she almost drowned. Until you walked into her life and reminded her that she could still breathe, that she was still alive.

You showed her how to move on, for her daughters and for herself. When she had felt so useless and helpless for losing her powers, you had been there to remind her that she was much more than her gift, that she was a strong and brave woman, regardless of whether she could heal with food or not. You gave her a new purpose.

"Por amor al arte

The moon came down from the sky to comfort you

The clouds gave way to the sun to illuminate you”

Isabela's voice made the memory change in your mind. She transported you to that night when you had seen Julieta carry Eliza for the first time. You didn't realize it at the time, but you knew now: she had not only comforted your daughter that night, but that was the moment when she had planted the seed of your love for her.

Even though the brunette had been shattered at the time, she had managed to make the clouds in your life, the mist that had enveloped you ever since you lost Aharhel, dissipate. Even when that mist threatened to return when your brother died, Julieta had been there to stop it. She was the sun that illuminated your life and gave you warmth to continue living.

"Por amor al arte

Your life was no longer so cold

And you stopped feeling empty because of your loneliness”

Julieta gently touched the thin chain with the ring that hung around her neck, while Mirabel resumed the song. It was still a mystery to her how you had managed to rekindle the fire in her that went out when she lost Agustín. It wasn't something she would have thought possible, but the universe proved her wrong when it permanently left you in her life.

You showed her that she wasn't broken, that it was okay to move on. You got rid of the loneliness that threatened to consume her and reminded her heart to keep beating. You showed her that she could love again.

"Por amor al arte

You cried tears of fear until drying yourself

You put aside every doubt to go for it”

Dolores couldn't help but stare at her aunt as she sang that verse. She knew that her cousins ​​and her brother were thinking the same thing, remembering that afternoon when Isabela had confronted her sisters about you. The heartbreaking way her aunt had cried hadn't left Dolores's memory yet and she didn't think it ever would. There had been so much fear in her second mother's voice, fear of loving you.

That was why she couldn't help but feel proud of her aunt now. The older woman had put aside all her fears and she had launched herself into pursuing her happiness with you, even when things had gotten out of control and you had run away after your first kiss, the woman had not given up. It was something for which Dolores deeply admired her aunt.

"Por amor al arte

you knew how to carry on

Breaking at last the chains of your loneliness”

You smiled and felt that it was a matter of time before the tears came. Maybe it was Isabela who was singing, but you could perfectly hear Karim saying those same words. He always told you how much he admired you and how proud he was of you for raising Eliza on your own.

But you also knew that the phrase applied to the destruction of both houses, even though he had been in a coma the entire time after the fire. You had been able to get up, rise from the ashes, as painful as it was, because Julieta was by your side. And when you'd agreed to stay with them, even in the midst of your pain, it had truly felt like breaking chains you didn't know were binding you.

The three girls glanced at each other and smiled. They didn't care much that the crowd and the rest of the family were clapping and cheering for them, this song wasn't for them, it was for you. And they hoped, as they prepared to sing in three voices, that after these verses, the story would be sealed.

“And she appeared in your life

the girl of your dreams

another wounded princess

And she healed your hell”

Julieta finally looked at you, although you still had your eyes on the girls, and she couldn't help but shudder at the wave of feelings that invaded her, of which the main one was love, pure and sincere love for you. She always knew you were her angel, you had healed her in ways even her magical food couldn't.

You really had rescued her from hell, despite being just as broken as she was. It was a blessing that her broken pieces fit perfectly with yours.

"Because you didn't know

That even if you were born a princess

You didn't want a Romeo

You were waiting for Julieta”

You turned your head towards the brunette, surprised to see that she was already looking at you, with contained tears in her eyes. You smiled a little, trying your hardest not to cry as you approached her. So long wishing you weren't alone, foolishly waiting for Daniel or some other man to rescue you, when all this time fate had been pushing you to her, waiting for you to open your eyes. She was everything you wanted, everything you needed. You wanted a life with her.

Julieta stared at you as you took one of her hands and caressed her knuckles with your thumb. You could feel people's attention drifting away from the girls to the two of you, but you didn't care. You only cared about her.

"I guess we don't need that talk after all" you whispered.

"Guess we don’t" she laughed softly, looking into your eyes.

“No one knew how to explain to you why you loved her

That the man of your life was called María

But listen to me, my friend

If she wants to love you too

No need to keep thinking

Es por amor al arte.”

She smiled at you, taking your face in her hands and caressing your cheeks with her thumbs. Her chocolate eyes were looking at you with a thousand questions but you just nodded slightly, putting your hands on her hips and all doubt was erased from her mind as she pulled you to her for a kiss. You didn't hear the applause of the people, or when the song ended.

All you could hear was your heart, in sync with hers.

__________________________

Por amor al arte: to do something without expecting a reward or receiving anything in return.

__________________________

Julieta tag: @emril-osvigne @smolgayhooman @arination99 @kitthedino @cryptocry @iloveitwhen

[38sr]

How did you break into the animation industry?

Oh buckle up 'cause this is a bit of a story. Before starting, I wanna let anyone reading this to know that there's no one absolute way to break into the animation industry. From my experience, I've learned that breaking in has a lot of factors that are often out of your control. If anything, it's a combination of hard work and luck. Sometimes you're at the right place and the right time. Or you happen to know the right people or you are the right fit for a job. Overall, don't be so hard on yourself if you are still trying to break in (or have and just struggling to find the next gig). Often times it's not you as a person/artist, but really if everything else that you cannot control fits in that moment. And with that, let's start this two part story of how I broke into animation. Part 1: Lemme tell you how I got to Sesame Street.

So in 2017, I was a senior in college and my school for some strange reason made it a graduation requirement for students to do an internship in their respective major. While it was an incentive to get students experience, this only worked for the fine arts and illustration students due to the school having a lot of connections with local comic artists and galleries. For the animation department, however, we really didn't have many resources since our program was only 4 years old at that point (very, very new). So I started searching online for any animation internships since my school couldn't really help. I applied to many internships but only got an interview for one: FableVision in Boston.

To be honest, I really thought I was going to get that internship with no doubt. I already knew the people who worked there, had recently went to their anniversary party where they told me their internships were opening again and they wanted me to apply. So I did, got an interview instantly, took the train down and had the greatest interview of my life. I was told I'd hear back by the end of March and excitedly waited for the email.

Except I didn't hear back until April. And they had chosen an illustration student from my school instead of me. I was devastated. It felt like the ground beneath me crumbled and I was falling into a pit of darkness. It was April, there were no more internships, the semester ended in a month and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to graduate. And to top it off, this rejection really made think I was a bad artist and an undesirable hire. I remember being so bummed about it for days, feeling so unmotivated and scared about what to do next....and really unsure how to process the rejection altogether.

So, I contacted my mentor who at the time was a character designer at Sesame Workshop. He was my mother's friend from church and known me since I was a kid. He didn't start mentoring me until high school and was always transparent about his experience working in children's TV animation as a black creative (for those who don't know I am also black). I poured out my heart and asked him, "How do you deal with rejection from a job you really wanted?" And in short, he said, "Sometimes the job you think is perfect for you isn't what you need in order to grow and that's okay. Just because one door closes doesn't mean another door won't open so you just have to be patient and keep working hard." I didn't feel better right away but it was enough for me to realize I couldn't take the rejection personal. I probably wasn't the right fit.

But little did I know that in the next few days I would receive an email from Sesame Workshop requesting me (upon a recommendation) to fill out an application for their internship program when the deadline passed a week ago. I immediately knew it was my mentor who gave the recommendation and I will be forever thankful for him helping me get my first animation job on Sesame Street. And that's kind of the end of that part haha.

But you're probably wondering, "Wait, but you got the job. You broke in. So what's the second part?"

Part 2: The Nickelodeon Artist Program After Sesame Street and graduating college, I didn't get my next studio gig until 2 years later in 2019. I did small indie animation projects and commissions, but was having a hard time breaking into a storyboarding gig. I took tests and got rejected, applied to many jobs and got rejected, just a whole lot of rejections haha. At the same time, my older sister had moved back into my parents' house and we both expressed how we wanted to move to California for job purposes. So in that summer, we took a trip together to California and I finally got to meet some friends who did work in the animation industry. I just remember on the plane back to New York thinking, "Damn....I really have to be there if I wanna break in." So my sister and I both agreed we'd save up money and move out together in the next 1-2 years.

Once I got home, I heard about the Nick Artist Program and that applications were open until August 1st. It was the last week of July and I thought, "I don't know if I can make anything good....but I rather try than not try." So in 3 days (I do not recommend doing a whole sequence in 3 days) I boarded a sequence from my personal project, Hollowville, and submitted sketchbooks pages of thumbnails, character design sketches along with my resume two days before the deadline. To be honest, I really didn't think I was gonna hear back from them. At that point, I was so used to rejection that I had already dispelled any hope the moment I clicked the send button. I know that's pessimistic but that's how I am haha. Until a month later, I get a call from California. At that same moment, I was exchanging phone numbers with an industry friend who lived in California. So assuming it was them, I picked up the phone and the following happened: Me: Hello? Person: Hello, is this Li? Me: Oh yeah. This is she.

Person: Great! This is the Nickelodeon Artist Program and we're calling to inform you that you've been selected to move onto to the quarter final interviews.

And I just. I cried on the phone. It's so embarrassing thinking back now but it was so unexpected that the tears started flowing out. After that call, I proceeded to go through the most intense interview process I'll ever experience in my life and was officially selected as a trainee right after Thanksgiving weekend (which meant I had only a month to move out to California). And that was my final breakthrough into the animation industry. There's a lot more details I glossed over since these posts have word count limits....but that pretty much sums up how I broke into animation haha.

I don't know if this story will be helpful for anyone out there who wants to break in and having a hard time. But I hope what you take away from this is that breaking in is different for everyone. There will be a lot of rejections, but you can't take them personal. Almost all the time it's about being the right fit which isn't really quantifiable. You're not a bad artist and aren't unskilled, there are just variables out of your control that are the ultimate deciding factor. So I implore anyone who aspires to work in animation to keep working hard, keep improving and never forget that just because one door closes it doesn't mean another won't open up ahead.