#the band ghost angst

[revived--c]

Dew being absolutely furious at Copia after he took the new title of Frater Imperator...

He didn't want a new Papa. He didn't want to have to get used to someone new, again.

He didn't want the risk of being replaced..

What if the new guy wanted a new lead? What if he looked at Dew and went "he's too old, I need a new fire ghoul"

Not only that-- he wouldn't be able to see Copia all of the time now. He wouldn't be able to cuddle up to him on stage during Kiss The Goat or interrupt his little stories.

"Why'd it have to be you!?"

"What?" Copia put the giant organized binder down on Sister's-- no-- his desk. Looking at Dew now proper.

"You heard me! Why'd it have to be you? She couldn't have signed it over to anyone else?" Dew crossed his arms, frustrated. His foot doing impatient tap-tap-taps on the floor, trying to keep himself together instead of burning the whole room down with his anger.

Copia's face softened and he sighed, sitting down in the black leather chair that was seated in front of the desk, "Dewdrop.. you know why"

"Oh, yeah. Because her telling you she's your mother after 50 some years is so fair to you"

"That's not.." Copia watched Dew's body language carefully "That's not the point-- eh- well maybe it is a bit.. but my love, she didn't trust anyone else to take this position"

Dew straightened up, his anger breaking through the wall he was trying so hard to keep up.

"I don't care! You deserve to be up on stage with us! At least for another year!? Please?!" He gripped the edge of the desk, looking at Copia with a desperate look.

Dewdrop looked terrified.

Copia swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away from Dew, looking to the floor before finally willing himself to talk.

"You need to go rest, my ghoul" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dew's grip on the desk loosen until his arms swung loosely back to his sides "Go spend time with your pack. You've all just gotten back"

Dew's heart shattered, "I can't believe you're accepting this.."

"Please, just go"

Dew stomped out of the room, swinging the door open and then slamming it shut.

[kelthebarb]

dew likes to watch the rain.

he sits by the big window in the ghoul common room, hands in his lap, eyes wandering over the courtyard outside.

everyone else knows not to bother him during this time. whenever they hear the pitter patter of the rain on the windows, they know not to go looking for Dew. it’s his time.

why does he do this?

it reminds him of who he used to be. before the Clergy took his element away. he doesn’t feel right in his own skin anymore. he’s too warm for his own liking. he changed, and he doesn’t like it.

everyone else tries to help him. they feel terrible, almost guilty for letting the Clergy take him away from them — take their dewdrop away. it wasn’t a matter of his element, it was a matter of his happiness. dew hates what he became.

everyone else tries to help him. mountain, the most. he hates seeing his mate like this, practically a shell. he’s not like he was, he’s distant. it’s almost like he’s a memory for mountain. he tries to break the walls that the transformation put around his beloved, but nothing he tries ever works.

mountain tries everything. taking him swimming in the lake — ending up with dew sitting on the dock and mountain trying to gently coax him into the lake.

he wants his dew back.

dew hates the emotional turmoil he’s putting on his packmates. his brain calls him a burden. he tries to fake being how he was, but it hurts him to keep it up. nobody ever believes him, anyway. they can see right through him, and it almost hurts him to see how easily they know their dewdrop.

dew feels wrong every time mountain calls him ‘honeybee.’ it was all because of his purring. his gills made it sound like the buzz of a honeybee. it was the most adorable nickname, and he was mountain’s honeybee.

his purring is more like growling now. gravelly and scratchy. he wants to be mountain’s honeybee again, even if mountain never stopped calling him that.

he looks in the mirror and sees how he changed. he hates it.

the way his hair went from a silvery blonde to an orangey blonde. the way his eyes went from a beautiful dark blue to dark grey. his scarred gills.

mountain would admit it a thousand times; he was still beautiful as ever, but it didn’t feel right. because dew didn’t feel right in his own body.

the thing about dew’s transformation that messed mountain up the most was his scent. fresh rain, the morning dew, dry sand on the beach.

it was a scent that mountain looked forward to when he entered dew’s vicinity. it still lingered on some of dew’s things, on the bedsheets in mountain’s room, on mountain himself.

after that day, the scent was gone. replaced by the scent of a blown out candle.

one that lost its flame.

he wants his dew back.

[portaltothevoid]

you're losing me -- terzo x reader

A/N: so.... yeah.... ghost has taken over my life. i had this idea, i was thinking of it like i was writing it, and i wrote it! so here's my first lil entry into the ghost fandom. hi! i have an idea for a part two so... if this does well and you want one? let me know?

song: you're losing me by taylor swift

warnings: angst, hurt/no comfort, allusions to mutual cheating, terrible communication (please talk about your feelings), fem!reader

word count: 1.5k

You’d been putting this off for a while. Constantly snapping. Constantly hiding. Hiding the fact you were in pain, the fact that pain caused you to act in ways, to do things, you never thought you would. There were some sins, even in this satanic church, that weren’t to be celebrated. One of which you had committed and, from the looks of your observant eyes, so had he. Yet, you couldn’t stand the guilt just as much as you couldn’t stand being casted into the shadows any longer. 

“That was some party, eh, amore mio?” he asked, snaking his hand around your waist. 

The only response you were capable of giving was a stiff smile. He couldn’t just see the fakeness oozing from your features, he could feel it. You’d been silent the whole walk back to your shared quarters. Most of the time you’d swear he never noticed you, but he did. As soon as you both were away from the prying eyes of the others, he saw you deflate. Your shoulders slumped, your features all but turning to stone. He was never one to pry. He was always afraid of the emotions difficult conversations would bring up. It was just something he never knew how to handle. A side effect of always being on display.

Tonight was different. Lately, it seemed there was always tension radiating off you. All he wanted was for you to come to him and tell him what’s wrong. Yell at him, if you had to. Something. Anything. Anything other than this. So his hand slid to the other side of your waist as he turned himself in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. Quickly, he placed his other hand on you, steadying you. His eyes scanned your face for any sign of life, pleading with you to tell him everything.

You sighed defiantly. “The party was great. You really outdid yourself this time.” A lie and a truth. The party was torture. The only way he outdid himself was by sneaking away three times, twice with different Sisters of Sin, and once with a Ghoul. Even when you tried to ignore it, somehow you instinctively always looked up just as he was headed out the door, to somewhere more private, more quiet. Every time it chipped away at your now calloused heart.

“Why are you being like this?” he asked softly.

“Why am I being like this?” you repeated. “Why are you like this?” You shook your head as you pushed him aside, briskly walking the few paces to your chamber doors, leaving him stunned momentarily. The door was almost shut before he caught up.

You had stormed off to your bureau, alreadying having started to take off your ornate garnet jewelry. You ignored him when he entered the room.

“Cara mia, per favore. Talk to me. I…” he trailed off as he reached for your shoulder with a trembling hand. 

You swatted his hand away. “Don’t,” you said harshly as you turned around, hurrying, as if you couldn’t get away from his touch fast enough, over to the walk-in closet to change out of your dress. 

He gave you a few moments, not daring to push his luck. You had changed quickly. Staring at yourself in the floor length mirror, you didn’t see the rage you felt bursting inside. All you saw was sadness. The shell of your former self. You stared at yourself with your hair pinned up, perfectly placed stray hairs framing your face, your black t-shirt, and merlot colored sweatpants. You hated everything about this moment. 

The floodgates have opened.

Behind you, you saw him leaning on the door frame. Your eyes met in the mirror. 

“What have I done to make you hate me so much?” he whispered.

You spun around. The fury of hell shone in your eyes. “You really don’t have a fucking clue, do you?” you said, charging past him.

“So… so you really do hate me?” 

“I can’t– I can’t do this anymore, Terzo!” You’ve never seen this man look more hurt than he did right now. He was searching for an answer, for a hint, for something that might explain how everything had led up to this point. You took a few deep breaths before you finally told him everything that you had kept locked deep inside. “I can’t watch you flirt with everything that walks on two legs anymore. I can’t watch you sneak out of rooms with someone else’s hand in yours. And– and– and I know you’re the Papa now, but… There used to be an us. We used to be a team. It was you and me. You… you made me feel special. For the first time in my life I felt seen. After that mitre went on your head, it’s like the spotlight blinded you. You haven’t even seen me at your side, because you pushed me back into the shadows.”

“I have never lost sight of you, tesor–”

“But you have, Terzo. You have. Ever since you got the Grammy for the Church… It’s felt like… the only time you even acknowledge me, the only time I’d ever be special to you, is behind these closed doors. At the parties, you dance with me once and then you’re… you’re batting your eyelashes at every other person who looks at you. I can’t follow you around anymore and be ignored. I’m not you’re fucking shadow!”

“Why have you never told me this before? Why haven’t you talked to me about this?”

“I’ve tried. I’ve asked you to include me more. I’ve asked you to– I gave up begging for your attention. For your affection.”

“But you know how I am, you knew what you signed up for.”

“No. I knew you were a flirt. But this? I never signed up for this.”

Terzo felt the tears start to sting his eyes. While he never purposely meant to push you away, now that you’ve said it, he knew exactly what he did. He took for granted the one person he wanted… no, needed by his side. But he wasn’t all that oblivious. He’d seen you sneak away just as you had seen him.

“And how do you think it felt when I would watch you sneak away? You think I don’t know why you don’t come home some nights? Hmm? What do you have to say to that?” he challenged.

“‘Why have you never told me this before? Why haven’t you talked to me about this?’” you echoed mockingly. “Because I wanted to be where I felt wanted, where I felt like my feelings were reciprocated. I wanted to be where I felt like a queen. I needed to feel loved.” Your words dripped with venom, but he scoffed at them.

“Oh, please, this is a church not a monarchy.”

“But don’t the two go hand in hand? With the way you’ve been acting, I never would have known there was a difference,” you spat.

He felt like a knife had been plunged into his heart and it just kept going deeper and deeper.

“Tell me how it started. Tell me what made you seek solace in someone else,” he demanded.

“After I caught you with Sister Thérèse. I just ran. I ran and couldn’t even see where I was going, because of how hard I was sobbing. I collided with someone around a corner who had come to see what was the matter. He kept your secret. He hasn’t told a damned soul. So I knew he would keep mine.”

There was nothing left to say. Nothing left to do. The damage was irrevocable. Any semblance of this relationship was left asunder. Terzo couldn’t move. The weight of his actions, and lack thereof, immobilized him. You wasted no time walking around him, back into the closet. Grabbing a good-sized duffle bag, you started filling it with clothes and a couple pairs of shoes. You walked over to the bathroom and tossed in various toiletries. Walking around him once more, you unplugged your phone charger from your side of the bed, before going to the bureau and sliding your phone in your pocket. Once the bag was zipped and slung over your shoulder, you made your way to the door.

Too wrapped up in your haste to leave, you didn’t hear the footsteps padding behind you on the carpet. It wasn’t until you felt his hand grab yours did you turn around. 

“Who is it?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “Who makes you feel like a queen, feel… loved?”

You hesitated. Only for a brief moment. The man in front of you held the most power out of everyone here at this Ministry. But there was no way you or who you were going to could be implicated without Terzo implicating himself. Looking him dead in the eye, you told him, “Cardinal Copia.”

The second the words left your mouth, he dropped your hand. The door felt heavy as you opened it and it shut behind you. Tears sprung in your eyes and began to fall, cascading down your face. You were only a few steps away when you heard glass shattering against a wall.

part ii

[im-a-marion3tt3]

A Little Lonely

A big fight and a lonely Phantom

tw for: disordered eating mentioned, fighting

Phantom had just woken up, heading to the kitchen still in his pajamas. He had woken up hungry and was still working on getting over his awkward relationship with food. Mountain had told him to start listening to his body, though, meaning that if he felt hungry then he should eat something, even if it was just a little bit. That way, he wouldn't have to eat a large meal he was going to feel bad about later. It was small, but it was a start. As he walked into the kitchen, brushing out his bedhead with a hand, he was greeted with shouting. Dew and Swiss going toe to toe with each other. mountain and Rain were quite literally holding the two back from each other, occasionally shouting over the two to try and be heard. Cumulus made some snide remark from her spot which only turned Dew's venom towards her, pulling her into the fight. Phantom slowly stepped into the kitchen, shutting the door as softly as possible behind him. He was honestly scared, having never seen the two, now three of them so upset towards each other. he just wanted breakfast too, but now his appetite was long gone, stomach twisting in knots. "The fuck you staring at?" Dew snapped at him, causing all eyes to turn to him. He looked like a deer in headlights. Phantom hadn't realized he had been staring, too caught up in the commotion that was taking up the kitchen. His words got caught in his throat as he started back at them. His breathing visibly picked up as he softly whispered, "S-sorry," before fleeing the room as fast as he could, not even bothering to close the door. Tears pricked at his eyes, whipping them away as he ran away. Phantom was silent as he made his way back to his room, locking the door behind him before sliding down against it, holding his head in his hand. He didn't know what he had done wrong, he just wanted breakfast. Tears kept coming as he eventually laid down on the floor, feeling too heavy to move at this point. Phantom could only stare at his ceiling, making shapes out of the texture. An hour went by before he finally picked himself up off the floor and was able to flop into his bed. He grabbed a stuffed animal and pulled it to his chest tightly, the small black bat carefully tucked between his arms. "It's okay... it's all okay," he whispered softly to the bat, hearing the screaming match still going on, it echoing through the halls. That's when he heard a soft knock at the door and it jiggled as someone tried to open it. Phantom tensed as he watched the door in fear of being roped into the argument from earlier, not wanting to fight. He then heard keys jingle into the lock before a soft click, opening the door up the rest of the way. It was Copia in the door, making his heart ache slightly with relief. Copia rarely ever got mad at him, and even when he did, yelling was never involved. However, Phantom could bring himself to sit up, still feeling defeated. "Vespertilio, what is the matter?" Copia asked softly, his voice thick with his accent. It was a comforting familiarity for Phantom, one that eased his heart. The father came in and sat at the foot of his bed, gently resting a hand on Phatom's leg and rubbing it in a comforting manner. Phantom just shrugged in response, unsure of what to say. it was hard to put his thoughts into words at the moment, especially because he felt like he was overreacting. Eventually, he was able to mutter out a soft, "It's fine."

"But it isn't, so do not lie to me," Copia reprimanded which just made the ghoul shrink up in his bed more, feeling even worse. Phantom hadn't been involved in a lot of fights so he wasn't good at reacting to them. Really, he had no spin or ability to stand up for himself. So, he just shrugged again which got a soft sigh from Copia. Honestly, he wasn't sure what he was expecting from Phantom. "They fight like cats and dogs, it is scary and I recognize that, Vespertilio. You do not need to act so bravely around me. You are still but a kit," Copia assured him before taking a long pause and then saying softer, "Does it remind you of the pit?" Phantom's ears twitched in response to that, indicating that he was on the right track but the ghoul just shrugged in response, still not knowing what to say. Now that it was verbalized though, Phantom saw the truth in that. Starving should barking and growling at each other, trying to scare the other off to the remains of a decayed carcass. It was an unpleasant memory, having been too young and weak to stand up for himself. It was clear as to why he has eating issues, his past with it being rarely available. "Why don't we head down to the kitchen and I will make the both of us some pancakes?" Copia suggested, his voice laced with excitement, clearly trying to get Phantom on the same page, "They are done fighting, I promise." " 's not breakfast," Phantom muttered, his voice sounding forced. "Vespertilio, who says it is only a breakfast food? Come, let us make some!" Copia said, standing up and pulling away the blankets from Phantom. His heart melted at the sight, noticing how tightly curled around a stuffed animal Phantom was. "He can come with, do not fret," he continued, offering his hand to help the ghoul out of his bed. Slowly, Phantom took it and stood up, looking down at his feet nervously as he clutched the bat close to his chest. He felt silly and childish but the bat was his and his alone. He could protect it and no one would be able to take it from him, it was the one thing he was willing to fight over. Copia led the two of them to the kitchen once more, the only one there was Aurora as he sat at the kitchen table, cutting up fruit from Mountain's greenhouse. She spared the two of them a glance before returning back to her work. "Phant, where have you been? It's been hours!" She said in slight surprise which just got her a shrug that she did not see. Copia decided to answer for him. "They were fighting a little too viciously for Phantom's taste, all of ours really," he muttered as he started to gather things to make the pancakes. Phantom nodded at this as he took a seat on the island, holding his bat in his arms tightly. "It's been a while since they've done that. Honestly, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner," Aurora muttered as she set down the knife and started to eat her plate of fruits. "Want some?" She offers the two, Phantom quickly shaking his head no. He still felt uncomfortable eating what he thought was other people's food, resource guarding was still prevalent in him. "We are making pancakes, Aurora," Coppia informed, focusing on mixing up the batch and adding in the ingredients.

"Save me some?" She asked in return which earned a nod from Copia.

Copia finished making the pancakes, mainly in since. Phantom really was still struggling with wanting to speak, leaving a lot of shrugging to cover any questions thrown his way. He was glad it was just Copia and Rory though, as they were probably the two he felt the most comfortable around besides for Mountain. Once they were finished, Copia took the luxury of plating them, making a smile out of fruits and whipped cream. It was a total of three plates, one for everyone in the room. "Join us at the table," Copia told Phantom, sitting him at the head of the table so he wasn't directly next to Aurora. he had heard of some of his eating problems and didn't want to accidentally put unnecessary pressure on him. Phantom sat down where the last plate was, putting his bat in his lap and he pulled his legs up to sit crisis cross in the chair. Grabbing the fork, he poked around at the food in front of him. Before eating, he quickly signed thank you, something he had picked up from watching television with the other. It earned a smile and nod from Copia. After dinner, things got a little better, Copia dropped Phantom off in the common room, leaving him in Mountain's care as he had some things to take care of. He curled into the larger ghoul's side, still clearly apprehensive of both Swiss and Dew. Dew seemed oblivious to that though as he stretched out across the couch Moutanin and Phantom were one, his head laying against the younger ghoul's leg. Mountain gave Dew a warning look, silently telling him to watch himself, to which the look was completely ignored.

"We missed you, where have you been?" Dew huffed, poking into Phantom's leg. He just shrugged yet again, still not finding the words to say, especially to Dew who had yelled at him early for just looking at him.

"Drop it, Dew," Mountain scolded, picking up on Phantom's unsorted emotions. He was just happy the ghoul had finally rejoined them, even if Copia had intervened. What had happened during the hours he was gone could be discussed later and maybe, an apology could be milked out of dew. For now though, Mountain wasn't going to push it, simply enjoying Phantom's company.

Hopefully, this is a little more cohesive than the last piece. Lmk if I need to add any triggers or content warnings. Feel free to send me asks too!

[duskspring]

What Once Was - Dewdrop Angst Fic

Summary: Dewdrop mourns the things and people that were, Mountain comforts him.

Content: Angst, grief, guilt, hurt/comfort, description of death and murder. (And if I forgot anything, please do let me know!)

Word count: ~1.8k words

[Read it on AO3]

Rumors always go around faster than the truth. At least, that's what Dewdrop tries telling himself.

It can’t be true. It can’t be true.

It’s the dead of night. The ministry has significantly cooled down since the afternoon and it’s quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Ghouls have little need for sleep, however, so most of them are hanging out together, watching a movie.

All except Dew.

He watches his ceiling like it’s a movie, his mind filling in the blanks. He continuously moves his fingers as if he’s playing a guitar, needing to fidget in some kind of way. How could he face his bandmates in his current state?

It can’t be true. It can’t be true.

There were talks, speculations, people looking to shock others…

What if Papa III could come back?

Dew loves the idea of reuniting with the one who summoned him for all but a second before realizing what must come of the current Papa in that case.

Sweet, dear Copia. Someone he has been working for way longer than he ever knew the third papa. And yet, the bond of a summoning is something unbreakable.

But will Terzo come back and cause something to befall Copia or will Terzo only return if something happens to Copia?

Maybe all it took was one little accident-

He shoots up from his bed.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Memories he so desperately wishes he could bury rush back to the surface of his mind:

He’s done it before.

It’s a secret he fully intends to take back into the pit with him. But someone had to take care of the first three Papa’s. It’s not like he had chosen to do it. He had gotten clear orders. He hadn't wanted to. He'd had no choice.

And now his head plays it all back again for him like it has so often before. A movie made in his mind to do nothing but torment him: stabbing the syringe into his summoner's neck, remembering the man falling head first onto the table and later dragging him away. He had looked down at Terzo’s lifeless body as he carried it. He’d been so fixated on the lack of his facial movements, how he was so uncharacteristically quiet for once. It hardly felt like Papa anymore. Now he was just a body. A has been.

Dew doubts he would ever be forgiven, even if Papa were to come back. Though there is a chance of Terzo not having realized it was him who killed him, he would never be able to act like all was well knowing he would force the man to stand next to his own killer.

There is simply no going back. Even if it is possible, it’s not something Dew should actually want.

But…

This isn’t just about Papa. The fire ghoul never really admits it to anyone, but there are times he misses his original bandmates.

Against his better judgment, he reaches under his bed. With shaky hands he retrieves the framed picture that he hides there.

It shows him at the first ritual he ever played at, him and all the others lined up to take a bow.

He sees Terzo, Mountain and himself, but more importantly his focus lands on Ifrit, Zephyr and Aether.

He now only has Mountain left. But Mountain doesn’t feel the same. He seems to have moved on immediately, getting close to especially Rain and the ghoulettes, but really everyone.

And it isn’t like Dew doesn’t care about his new band. They are family, he loves them. But Mountain appears to not even spare a single thought to those who came before.

In the past he would’ve shared these feelings with Aether. They often reminisced together, but the quintessence ghoul always managed to spin it in a positive light. Something about processing grief in a healthy way.

Aether.

That very second, a teardrop lands right over Aether’s face on the frame. It’s the first time Dew becomes aware that he’s started crying.

He tosses the frame to the ground, where it miraculously doesn’t shatter, and changes the way he sits to furiously punch into his pillow, attempting to get his rage out without being too loud.

Internally he damns Phantom to the deepest reaches of the pit. A replacement, that’s all he is. A poor copy.

He doesn’t even dislike the new ghoul. In fact, the two have hit it off quite nicely. None of that matters at this moment, though. Right now, Dew would give him up in a heartbeat to have Aether back. He would sacrifice each and every last person and ghoul in the whole wide ministry.

His tears flow even more freely now, his chest spasming with his uneven gasps for air. He attempts to keep it down, especially with the footsteps that are now slowly approaching his door.

Then a knock, “Dewdrop?” His ears perk up at the name. It stings knowing it's a water ghoul name, more than it usually did. It’s enough to freeze him up, end the sobbing and catch the breath in his throat.

After a second or two he comes back to his senses, “Fuck off, Mountain.” His voice cracks at his attempt to yell back to the one person left who has known him as his previous element.

Nonetheless, the door opens against his wishes. Dew refuses to turn around, not wanting for his bandmate to see his twisted, devastated face.

“We finished the movie, but we’re starting another soon. It’s your turn to pick.” Mountain briefs.

The fire ghoul doesn’t respond, hoping his silence will make his friend leave. Of course, it doesn’t work like that. Especially when his shoulders are still jerking with silenced sobs.

The door softly clicks shut, “What’s going through your head?” The mattress dips beneath the drummer’s weight.

The question is only met with more silence. It hangs in the air like a thick wall between the two. Alas, Mountain seems determined to burn said wall to the ground, getting a good guess in once he sees the discarded picture on the middle of the floor.

“Is it Aether?” The question comes out oh so carefully. He is a sensitive topic for all that have known him but especially Dew, everyone knows that.

He tries everything to suppress his reaction. He unsuccessfully attempts to think of something else, he clenches his jaw and fails to take steady breaths.

But soon his facade breaks. And so does he.

Wordless cries stutter from his chest, still turned away from Mountain as if that would conceal his reaction. He falls forward on his bed, pouring his agony into the pillow which he clutches between his fingers, clinging on for dear life.

The drummer wants to help, but has also miserably failed in the past.

He puts a careful hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Dew-“

“Don’t call me that!” The fire ghoul lashes out, finally turning around. The look in his eyes would scare any human away in an instant but Mountain sees right through it. He sees so much pain, “I’m not a water ghoul anymore! I don’t work for the third anymore! And I certainly don’t work with those ghouls anymore…” His words trail off into more sobs as he goes on. The gig is up. He’s given himself away and at this point he is too far gone to care.

“You miss them.” It isn’t a question.

“Don’t you?!” Dew feels more and more like he is losing his mind, “Did they mean nothing to you?! Zephyr, Ifrit, Aether-“

“They were my everything.” Mountain’s voice is stern but not unkind or scolding.

Dew doesn’t say anything, only crying further and letting out the occasional hiccup. He looks expectantly up at the other.

The earth ghoul inhales shakily, trying not to cry himself, “I don’t care if you believe me, but they were the first family I had ever known. When I lost that I didn’t think I’d ever come back from it,” He laughs humorlessly, “And in a way, I didn’t! That grief never left and I highly doubt it ever will. But instead of waiting for it to shrink, I simply grew bigger around it. And I was only able to do so because of our new family. Even if it’s not the same, that doesn’t make it bad.” Tears start escaping his eyes as well, despite his efforts. Anyone can tell in a second that he is being sincere.

Dew wants so desperately to take in all the words and never worry about any of this again. However, there’s one thing still hanging heavily over him like a storm cloud;

“Something’s gonna happen.” He states, his eyes focused on nothing in particular, blurrily staring off past Mountain and into nothing, “We all know it. Some kind of change is coming and I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. What if we lose more ghouls? What if we lose Papa? What if I disappear this time?” These are fears he hadn’t even expressed to Aether before, let alone anyone else.

Mountain finally makes another move to come closer. His long arms envelope his bandmate in one of the tightest hugs the two had ever shared. Dew allows himself to return it, desperately clinging to any sense of the here and now.

“It’s like Papa said,” Mountain says without letting go, “‘Nothing ever lasts forever’. All the more reason to enjoy what we have, while we have it, right?”

Dew doesn’t verbally respond, only buries his face into the other ghoul’s neck.

“How about that movie?” The drummer whispers after a silent minute, thinking perhaps the distraction would help, “It’s not good to let your mind spiral on your own. Let yourself feel the emotions, yes, but not like this. Not on your own.”

Satan, he sounds so much like Aether when he says that.

After a few semi-even breaths, the fire ghoul makes a sound of affirmation.

He gets carried to the common room, still cradled so closely to Mountain’s chest like he weighs nothing.

“Took you long enou…gh.“ Swiss' words die out at the sight of his friend in such a seemingly vulnerable position, Dew usually being way more stoic.

The other ghouls all scatter away to the sides of their fully cushioned conversation pit. Mountain sits down in the middle of it, the fire ghoul now more on his lap.

Then the others all come back, wordlessly coordinating into position; Rain curls into Mountain’s, and by extension Dew’s, left side. Swiss comes down on the right. Cirrus moves her tail around Dew’s left leg and snuggles into it, with Cumulus holding onto her. And Aurora holds the right, Phantom behind her.

All at once, the fire ghoul is overwhelmed by the scents and purring of his bandmates. His family.

Maybe it won’t last forever. Maybe it will all end in the blink of an eye. But for now he gets to be there, surrounded by those he cares about most. There is only them, not another worry in mind.

[My masterlist]

[titlemewickedwonderland]

The Debt (Ghost band oneshot)

Auth. Note: Some of you may know this OC from the snippets published previously that I was planning on doing a story about Ghost. Unfortunately, that didn't pan out! But here is a one-shot I created from a blurb idea for said book that will no longer be made...Enjoy! Grab a tissue... or the entire box.

Summary: Marina is a teenage girl who lived a normal life until one day she nearly gets killed by a supernatural creature. She was then taken against her will to the Clergy at the orders of Papa Emeritus the III (Terzo) who she finds out is her birth father. She is held under house arrest at the Abbey while Terzo and his Ghouls try to figure out who is trying to kill her. In her adventures she finds some shocking truths about her mother and her heritage.

Trigger Warnings: Major Angst - No Comfort, Cursing, Death, Blood

-These snippet one-shots will be placed out of order as I see fit to write them! But it is in the Marina series! Enjoy!

Workshop!

Blood. There was so much blood! Seeping through her pale fingers like some sort of macabre of scarlet sand. It pooled below her - seeping into the denim of her jeans and staining the fabric forever. It was warm… sticky with its thickness and its scent of iron and copper left a bad taste on her tongue. She couldn’t make it stop and it was all her fault. 

A hand trembling with horror and mind-numbing pain did she reach out to grasp the torn black fabric of his shirt. The ashen skin beneath the jagged ripping hole in the fabric was wet. Coated thick and pooling around the edges of the wound that was dark and deep cavernous in its shape in such dark red it looked nearly black. Maybe it was black; she didn’t know. Did ghouls even possess red blood? They were demonic creatures after all, how was she supposed to know?! 

What she did know though were the dark scarlet splatters that ran like tears of red raindrops down the silvery mask and getting soaked up into the fabric of his balaclava that covered his mouth - the fabric lay still; molded to the shape of his lower jaw and lips showing no signs of breath. 

“D-Dew? C-Come on, open your eyes. You can’t leave me…I can’t do this without you. Please?” Marina gripped with trembling fingers tighter into his torn shirt but felt no breaths that would make his chest heave with pained exertion or feel the warmth of his beating heart; feeble as it should have been.

“Please….” her tears obscured her vision of him and she shook him desperately; her words coming out in pained sobs. “Please…Please PleasePlease. PLEASE!” her words came out in a broken scream. 

But the dead could not talk and her voice was the only thing that echoed back to her. Her mind did not want to catch up to what her heart already knew - with what her trembling hands could feel and her blurry vision could see. And they waged a war. Beating against each other as hard as she beat against his chest as if her blows would shock his heart into beating again. 

A wet cough off to her other side made her head swivel on her shoulders to stare at the figure sprawled feet away from her trying his best to get back up. His black and white paint makeup was smeared with the same red that coated his clothing. She scrambled away from Dew’s body in favor of crawling on unstable limbs over toward Terzo so that she could scramble his body against her own; cradling him to her chest as if he too would just stop breathing completely if she didn’t hold him together with her bare crimson-coated hands.

“It’s my fault…All of this is my fault…Terzo, please tell me what I can do to fix it. Please, I’ll do anything…I can’t lose anyone else.” the teen gripped his jacket and looked around the ceremonial space that looked like nothing but an empty vast basement in the catacombs.

“A ritual…there has to be some kind of spell or ritual, right? Where’s your book? I have Papa’s blood. I-I can do the rituals too and reverse this-” The old tomb was a foot away and she reached over to paw it towards her; refusing to let go of Terzo’s battered body that rocked and lurched with her struggles... 

There had to be some kind of spell. Healing spell, reverse spell, shit even a summoning spell would do! If Terzo could do it she could too. She had to try! Her fingers trembled on the pages; staining the old paper red as she scrambled from side to side nearly tearing the damned pages from its spine with how quickly she yanked and swiped in a frenzy. 

 “Tesero…” Terzo’s voice was raspy and wet sounding; soft near her ear her head bent low to stare at the scribbles in front of her with unfocused frantic eyes.

Another voice broke through the open space a few feet away. Cardinal standing there wringing his hands looking utterly distraught and helpless. He swallowed thickly watching his niece and brother; he felt so guilty because he had a part in this too. He just didn’t know that their mother would kill Terzo. All he wanted was recognition from his mother…from the clergy…to be seen more than that awkward Cardinal beneath his brother’s shadow that road tricycles around the halls and played video games in his spare time with no social skills to speak of. And now it looked highly likely he’d be known as the next papa that killed his brother.

“Marina, Miele… You can’t…” The man in red began swallowing the lump in his throat. As if his words could change anything. As if he could reach out and fix this. They both knew he couldn’t do shit.

“I can!” 

Marina’s head snapped over toward him to pin him with the scariest death glare on earth; it wasn’t scary because of its intensity - it was scary because of the utter helplessness and desperation blurred among the tears that the Cardinal saw there that spoke volumes of how much she didn’t forgive him for his involvement; for the utter betrayal not just for Terzo but to her; he felt it like an unforgiving punch to the gut. 

“And I fucking will!” her hand clenched into a fist so hard into the palm of her hand she felt the sting of her nails. 

“I am the daughter of Papa Emeritus III. His unholy blood runs in my veins. I can do this…I have to.” her words choked up as she closed her eyes tightly feeling the hot sting of tears on her waterline again.

Drip…drip…Marina felt it before she ever saw it. Her nails pierced the skin of her palms so deep blood dripped to the papers below. Not that it mattered, the tomb was ruined anyways.

She noticed the smoke first - the small crimson droplets on the old yellowed pages below her were smoking; evaporating as if the pages themselves were soaking up her blood; burning her life essence into the paper.

The warmth was what she felt next; overpowering yet comforting despite the unyielding coldness of the summoning chambers. Like a heated blanket creeping over her shoulders and back.

She saw Terzo’s mismatched eyes widen as they stared up in awe at her…no, not her - just over her shoulder at the powerful presence she felt at her back. 

Unyielding warmth gripped her shoulders and Marina jumped where she sat paralyzed; realizing they were hands. Pale hands with fingertips charred black as if they were dipped into ash. 

She didn’t have to look up to realize she had company. Despite the power radiating at her back - it was not malicious. Not in the way that she’d presumed so she did not fear when she met Terzo’s reverent gaze; her mind already knowing who stood behind her without even having to look. 

“I can’t do this alone.”

“I know, child.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” her voice cracked as she closed her eyes tightly; finding no relief behind her closed lids of the pain that gripped her heart. 

The hands that gripped her shoulders were steady and did not remove themselves from her completely, instead one left her shoulder to pet at her hair as a father would do so to his child. The voice was deep and rough; demonic undertones of voices that belonged not to its being were just as powerful as the words that to anyone else would mean little but to the teenager meant a choice of life and death.

“You only need to ask, my child. I shall give you the same as your mother and let you choose.”

“My mother chose to pay with my life to fulfill her end of the bargain.” Marina sucked back a breath and the tears that wanted to fall as she tilted her head and met the fathomless black eyes above her with no fear. 

“I want to trade my soul for theirs.”

A low rumble like thunder was her only response as pale ashen hands cradled her tear-stained face; a black-clawed thumb brushing away a trail of wetness. The blackened eyes stared down at her for so long she feared she would get no answer as she stared into the glossy blackness of her own reflection in the pupilless orbs. 

“One life cannot suffice for two.”

It was like the dagger in her chest was twisted but she knew deep down he was right. A life for a life. Blood for blood. A soul for a soul. Her mother had made the same deal. To live her life - to get the chance to see her daughter grow and when the time came it’d be her turn. But here, Marina sat in the same position having to choose - to make the hardest decision of her life. 

To choose who lives and who dies. A fate that no one should have to have fallen into their laps.

“Lord Lucifer.” she took a breath and shook her head. 

“I can’t choose….please isn’t there another way? Anything that I may have is yours…just please…don’t make me choose.”

“Tesero.” Terzo’s voice broke and her head turned to face her father feeling her heart nearly combust at the look of acceptance in his gaze before following his gaze towards where Dew’s body lay feet away. 

She understood without him even having to say the words. Terzo wasn’t giving up. He was accepting this fate that had landed him in her arms. He was accepting his death. The sacrifice that he should have made a long time ago but never had the courage to until now; he was taking up the torch for one last act of fatherly love he could ever give her. 

She understood. Understood in that very moment what he was telling her and it broke her heart even more as she nodded slowly. She lowered her head until her forehead pressed to his. 

“No...No…you don’t have to do this, Terzo.”

His gloved hand gripped hers and squeezed with all the strength he could. “You were right, little one. I failed you and your mother; I should have stepped up sooner - made a different choice. But know that I tried. I never stopped loving you. To watch you, even from afar to see the woman you’ve become…you are my greatest accomplishment. It would be an honor, amore mio. Let me do this and atone for my sins.”

Marina sniffled and raised his gloved hand to her mouth; pressing a trembling kiss to his knuckles. “I love you….daddy.”

“What do you choose, child?” the teen slowly turned her teary gaze towards the King of Hell and raised her chin; trying to show her bravery despite the tremble of her lips as she formed the words that would seal their fate.

“If it suites your favor, Lord Lucifer. I…” she shuddered out a crackling breath. 

“I choose Papa Emeritaus II - Terzo. To take my debt and pay with his life in favor of your servant; the fire ghoul Dewdrop.” 

“Pope?” the being turned his gaze towards the wounded man who nodded weakly in compliance. An affirmative that he, Papa Emeritus III would accept the terms. 

“Then it shall be done. Child of Lucifer, Marina." the demon king released the girl - a bright scarlet haze invading her vision and her ears began to ring; as everything began to fade she heard his departing words.

"Your debt is paid, my child.” 

And when Marina opened her eyes. She was back in the comfort of her childhood bedroom with the sun shining in her window and the birds chirping outside; she sat in front of her vanity mirror staring at her minimalized makeup face listlessly looking back at her. But Marina felt nothing but utter exhaustion and confusion; what had happened? Why did she end up back home? Was it all a dream? Had the betrayal not happened? Was Terzo still alive? A tap at her window made her turn her head to look and she was greeted with the familiar silver mask she'd come to love.

"Hey, hellcat." Dewdrop spoke up as he climbed through the dimly lit bedroom. "It's time..."

the teen saw his black-clad figure in the reflection moving behind her but as he did something caught her attention. It wasn't his presence beside her. Or the hand that rested warm and alive on her shoulder. 

It was the black funeral dress hanging off her closet door.

Now, I do not know what it is or what a relationship with Lucifer or Satan would be like as a deity or patron for those who are witches and are working with him/them? as a guide so please don't come at me saying it's wrong or I portrayed their character wrong. I only have gone off of what it was like for a few of the witches that do work with Satan/Lucifer that I follow on Tiktok who have shared their stories and experiences while working with said being. Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @darklylucid

[nekronyancer]

To loathe oneself is the harshest prison one can inhabit

Get on the angst train everyone, choo choo motherfuckers 🚂 /aff

[helcef]

Bug

He’s growing on me can you tell.. If anyone has phantom headcanons pls leave them in tags or comments or send them in, I like to observe him like a creature

[muttghoul]

All respect to the people who found the Imperator death scene genuinely sad but personally I think seeing Copia throw himself over her coffin like a discarded muppet and make some of the most dramatically fake crying noises I’ve ever heard in my life was arguably the funniest moment of the film

[revived--c]

Don't Leave Me In The Dirt

This is a continuation of my last post, I had some inspiration hit me finally.

Desc: Dew being angsty, Aether's there this time, slight argument? + Old ghouls mentioned (Alpha and Ifrit)

Aether almost gets bulldozed over by a very angry fire ghoul.

His fire ghoul to be exact.

“Dew? Babe what's wrong?” Aether has to speed walk to catch up with him. Following close behind with a worried look on his face and his tail swishing from side to side anxiously.

“Not now, Aeth” Dew growls, smoke rolling off his shoulders. Leaving a trail behind him and slightly hitting Aether in the face. Causing the taller ghoul to stifle a cough.

“You're smoking”

“Not the time to be flirting”

“No,” Aether grabs Dew shoulder firmly and makes him stop, pointing at the smoke “literally smoking”

Dew's eyes trail up as he follows the smoke emanating off of him. It only makes him more pissed, he doesn't want to show vulnerability right now. Doesn't want to make Aether worried. He can't take the 20 questions he's assuming Aether has on why he's about to explode.

He looks away from Aether's gaze, those purple eyes piercing him.

“Dew, what happened?” Aether squeezes his shoulder softly.

“Nothing”

“Nothing? Doesn't seem like nothing”

“Satanas! Just–” Dew shoves Aether's hand off of his shoulder, barring his fangs at him “Leave me alone Aether! You wouldn't fucking care anyways!” His eyes give off a quick flash, like fire being douced with gasoline.

Aether shrinks back a step, his tail going in-between his legs like a kicked dog, “I'm sorry.. I'm just worried about you. Something clearly happened”

Dew can't look Aether in the eye, he looks to the floor, the wall and then back to his boots before speaking again

“It's Copia- it's his new position”

“Ah” Aether says, knowingly

“I don't want shit to change again, I don't–” Dew bites his tongue, suddenly feeling self conscious.

“What? Firebug..” Aether steps forward again “Talk to me. What do you not want?”

“I don't want to be replaced. I don't want Copia to be replaced..”

Aether's heart shatters in his chest, knowing now all to well what Dew is feeling. It's just like back then, when Ifrit was sent back to the Pit. When Sister had suddenly thrusted upon Mountain, Aether and Dew the fact their Papa was gone.

Knowing the fact that also, when Alpha had gotten “too old” to perform anymore on stage, they had sent him back as well.

“Oh.. oh love..” Aether reaches for Dew again

And Dew flinches back like a dog waiting to be hit.

“I gotta go..”

“But–”

Dew turns away abruptly and speed walks down the hall, leaving Aether there stunned.

[dgaftilwedie]

i love aether angst but also like :( aether not touring with the band because of an injury, not because he got kicked out. aether whose papa cried when he realized he couldn't tour. aether who adores phantom and insists that he tells him if he needs any help with his instrument. aether who tells phantom to "BRING IT IN, BABY" when he feels insecure about taking his place. aether whose pack loves and misses him, especially dewdrop, but who understands why he can't tour anymore. aether whose pack forces him to facetime them as often as possible when they're on the road because they miss him. aether, whose fire ghoul calls him every night, just to hear about his day at the ministry. whose pack seeks him out immediately when they get home from tours to tackle him with hugs and kisses and cuddles. aether who's alive, with his family who loves him. aether who's happy because that's what he deserves :(

[sentientgolfball]

Remembered cats will sometimes purr to self soothe and now all I can think about is tiny little kit Phantom curled around themselves with the tip of their tail in their mouth purring all alone in the middle of the wilds of the Pit

Or

Dew huddled around himself, trying to sleep after the first night he got chased from his home. He’s got claw marks that are still oozing and his muscles ache. He curls so tightly into a ball and purrs all night long

OR

Omega stepping into his and Terzo’s room after he felt his life end. He crawls into their bed, wrapping the blankets around him to breathe in Terzo’s scent. When he’s not crying he’s purring.

[im-a-marion3tt3]

This is my first time writing something like this so it's a little short and a lot shitty...

'Tired' is all Phantom can think as the lights dim, signalling the end of the concert. And then he collapses. The world goes black and time seems to stop moving as he just lays there in a world of darkness. He doesn't move nor thinks; rather, he simply exists. That is until he is interrupted by a bright light shining into his eye, causing him to snap awake. His head is spinning and the corners of his vision is still dark but he can see and he can hear now. The first person he makes out is Papa and then Mountain. He comes to find himself laying on the floor backstage with his head in Mountain's lap. Copia is next to him, holding the flashlight that was shining into his eyes. Around them seemed to be all the other ghouls though he didn't bother making out their faces and putting a name to them, he was far too tired. "What happened?" He said hoarsly, his voice feeling dry. "You passed out during our bows," Copia replied with gently, looking concerned. However, in his tired haze and the fact he always was on edge around his bandmates, he took that as annoyance. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again," he said quickly and quietly, moving to stand up. A heavy hand on his shoulder kept him down, however. It was Mountain who looked at him with sad eyes. "Give it a rest kid, we've got you," he said as he forced Phantom to lay down.

[sodoshame]

Superglue.

Pairing: Mostly Swiss x Fem!Reader but it’s a poly!ghoul situation lol

Warnings: Angst, comfort, touch-starved reader

A/N: This is incredibly self-indulgent because I’m ridiculously touch-starved lmao.

Swiss had only recently noticed the way Y/N seemed to react to touch. Even little touches here and there- at first, she would flinch; then eventually leaned into the touch. She looked on with a look of what appeared to be envy and sadness when she saw the affection the others gave and received.

The ghouls very rarely touched her; her initial flinch response had made them wary; they didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. It hit Swiss the other day when he watched Mountain cleaning up a cut that Y/N had. Mountain touched her with such gentleness and sincerity; she leaned into it, her eyes glossy and almost desperate. That hit Swiss like a ton of bricks.

Y/N never really got upset to the point of tears in front of the ghouls, she seemed to just display anger. Despite that, Swiss could detect a hint of fear, sadness and longing whenever she would lash out at anyone; she’d storm off after, tears in her eyes. If anyone tried to follow her, they’d get immediately shut down and shut out.

-

Swiss watched intently from the table as Y/N washed up from dinner. The others had gone back to the den, but he had decided to stay and keep her company. She had seemed slightly snappy at dinner tonight, her responses to everyone were short and sharp. Despite this, Swiss had noticed that her hands were shaking anytime she picked anything up, her legs anxiously bouncing under the table.

“Fuck! Ow, shit.”

Swiss was bought out of his thoughts by Y/N’s string of curse words. He stood up, walking over to her as he noticed her wrapping a hand towel around her now bleeding finger.

“You okay? Let me see-”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” She snapped, not even looking at him.

“Y/N-” He started as he put his hand up to her back.

She quickly flinched, moving away as she practically glared at him.

Swiss frowned, looking down at her as he stepped back a little; his features laced with concern.

“I’m just trying to help.” He said, studying her face. He watched as her expression changed from irritated to a strange mixture of regret and sadness. He gently reached out, resting his hand on her shoulder. Y/N flinched, but didn’t move away from him.

“I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to-” She started, her voice no longer snappy, instead it seemed… fearful? Swiss took a step closer, his hand still gently on her shoulder as he studied her face.

“You’re okay, Y/N. Don’t apologise.” He said, his tone was sincere and caring. Taking another step closer, he looked down at her as he felt her starting to lean into him; she had tears in her eyes.

Slowly, Swiss gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a comfortable, but not suffocating embrace. He felt Y/N relax into him slightly, her breathing ragged and shaky. The ghoul brought his hand up to her head, securing her in the hug.

“You’re okay, sweetheart.” He mumbled as he heard a raspy sob come from her as she started shaking. Y/N pressed her face into Swiss’ neck, her hands clinging to his shirt for dear life. He stroked her hair softly, holding her close to him, he felt his heart break as she sobbed into his chest.

“Y/N, honey, listen to me. Breathe in… And out… In… and out.” His voice was almost pleading with her, but it didn’t work. She clung so tightly to him, almost like she was afraid that he would disappear. He kept stroking her hair and holding her, just letting her get it out of her system. After a little while, she began to calm down; she still had tears running down her face but she was breathing more evenly.

“Good job, sweetheart. I’ve got you, okay? You’re alright.” Swiss soothed, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Y/N finally pulled her face away from his neck, looking up at him with watery eyes and tear stained cheeks. She didn’t let go of his shirt, the fabric was still balled up in her fists. Swiss moved his hands to gently rest on her waist as he studied her; he brought one hand up to gently wipe away her tears with his sleeve.

“What happened, love?” He asked, his voice gentle and soft.

“I- I don’t really know.” She mumbled, looking up at him with a desperate, sad look in her eyes.

Swiss nodded in response as he stroked a stray hair behind her ear.

“Y/N… Whatever happened to you before, it will never ever happen here, okay? We will take care of you. All I want is for you to trust us enough to be honest when you’re struggling, okay sweetheart?” He said, his eyes sincere. She nodded as tears started to well up in her eyes again. Swiss pulled her back into a tight hug, quietly shushing her as he rubbed her back whilst she cried.

In one swift motion, he pick Y/N up- her arms wrapped around his neck. The ghoul had one arm under her thighs, supporting her as her legs wrapped around his waist. His other hand was soothingly rubbing her back in small, comforting circles.

“I’m gonna take you to the den, okay? You’re going to be okay.” Swiss said as he started walking, carrying her. She didn’t say anything, just letting out a quiet sob into his shoulder, gripping him ever so slightly tighter.

Once at the ghoul’s den, Y/N was practically swarmed by them.

“Hey! Give her some space, would you?” Swiss said, a slight edge to his voice. She nuzzled her face into his neck, almost embarrassed for the others to see her like this. He slowly let her down, her feet now back on the ground; she was hesitant to let go at first, but she felt a large hand resting on her back, and she slowly unwrapped herself from Swiss, turning around to see Mountain offering a small smile.

“We’ve got just the thing that will help, buttercup.” Mountain said, his voice soft and warm. The tall ghoul led Y/N to the couch; he sat down and patted the space next to him. Once she sat down, they were quickly joined by the others; Swiss sat the other side of her, wrapping an arm around her, Sodo just sat himself right on top of her, snuggling in closely as he started softly purring; Rain sat on the floor below, using Swiss’ legs as a pillow, whilst he wrapped himself around her legs, gently rubbing her knee with his thumb, and Phantom sat down on Mountain’s lap, squishing close to both him and Y/N.

She was surrounded by the comfort of her ghouls, all of them touching her in some shape or form; all of them showing her sweet affection and nothing else. She breathed out a sigh, glancing around before letting her eyes flutter shut.

[kabukiaku]

altar server bros. 🜏

[vanmec]

Not pictured: Omega’s face completely covered in kiss marks

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