#the batfam are going crazy

[phantoms-world-and-more]

Jazz in gothem

So danny was visiting jazz's new phyciatritrist business in gothem

From the sounds of it, its going great!!!

Most of the local rouges have been coming in , and from jazz's talks their getting better, she even said she'd introduce him to someone called mr.freeze who has ice powers and is a doctor danny wonders if he could help him with research, but there are 2 problems

Some furries keep trying to hack into her system, break into the building and attempting to get her to break doctors patient confidentiality, though tucker, reinforced walls from their parents and the anti-creep stick dealt with that problem

Though the option of sending danny after them is always on the table

Thats not the main problem though

No the problem is someone called the joker

Apparently he got word of a good phyciatritrist helping the rouges and according to jazz "tried to make them go back to his level" Apparently its a phyciatritrist term for when someone feels like others are getting better and they arent so they want to bring them back down so they dont have to change.

Anyway jazz is refusing to see him for a lot of reasons, the negativity and the refusal to get help being the main 2

So jazz called danny up to see if he could get this joker to leave her alone

.

.

.

Jazz, her clients, batman, red hood and the joker were all in front of her building

Jazz's clients were there because when they got word that the batman AND the joker were there they came running

Joker is there because he wants to distroy this goody-two-shoes fraud of a bitch

Red hood it there because he wanted to book an appointment

And batman is there to try and get information of what this jasmine fenton is up to

They've been talking for about half an hour trying to deflate the situation

After the joker pulled out his gun so did everyone else and this is what got jazz to snap

THATS ENOUGH, you can't barge in here are try to distroy other peoples chance for proper mental health, and you batman cant know whats going on eveywhere its not healthy and is disrespectful to other peoples privacy

The joker fired his gun at jazz and batman was about to try to save the girl when...something happened

A black and white blur got in the middle of joker and Dr.jazz

When the blur stopped ot showed a 16 year old boy with blue eyes, black hair bags under his eyes and he looked as calm as can be

???: you ok jazz

Jazz:yess I'm fine, danny could you please get joker and batman off my property, after i would love to introduce you to my clients

Jazz smiled at the boy and the boy ,now danny, smiled back

Then he turned to face the batfam and the joker

Danny:ok chuckles you have 3 seconds to leave befor i make you

The joker laughed, or he did until danny took 2 steps foreward and ATE him

Dislocated his gaw, opened his wouth wider than it should and ATE him

Danny swallowed the joker turned to the batman and with Lazarus green eyes that they all knew as the pit rage and said

Leave

[ghostiiest]

my favorite brothers ever

[batcavescolony]

Jason: I don't think Dick and Tim have what it takes to kill someone

Damian: tt no, they could never

Dick: *literally killed the joker, one alt universe version has killed the bats* ha ha yeah

Tim: *has like 3 alt versions that are murderers, has committed attempted murder, and definitely has a body count because of RR* oh yeah we don't have what it takes

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny is just a kid ya know? Like he is just a little guy. A baby really. 14? Tiny child! Look at him, he needs to be protected. Someone has to help this poor little dude. I mean he forgets to use his own powers to avoid attacks all the time.

Anyway cut to Batfam not knowing all of Dannys power set cause the lil dingus keeps forgetting he can do that stuff in the heat of battle.

Danny uses his invisibility all the time… to avoid being followed. But in a fight? Oopsies hes too busy thinking of funny one liners to realise he could do that.

Intangibility? Give the guy a break. I mean who calls themselves condiment king. Even he was stunned.

He so rarely actually uses his biggest advantage powers that the League doubt he actually has them. He, like any naive child, trusts them and reported fully on his power set. Instead of just asking him to demonstrate his powers they instead start watching him and try to find evidence of his powers.

At least they know duplication was true since they watched him make a copy of himself to go to the bathroom and not miss any of his fav tv show.

[dcbatbitches]

Consider, Cassandra Cain does lion dance.

[arrowheadedbitch]

There's a well-known cryptid in Gotham called "The Shadow" or something ominous like that, but it's actually just people catching glimpses of Tim during his stalker era

[begaycommittreason]

jars i think members of the batfam have to put money in (some more than others)

unspeakable violence jar

taught damian incorrect usage of pop culture jar

taught bruce incorrect usage of pop culture jar

haven’t left their room in over 36 hours jar

haven’t stopped working in 3 days jar

broke an antique jar jar

attempted to murder tim jar

attempted murder period jar

publicly slandered family members jar

leaked classified government files jar

spitefully acted gay with their kryptonian around their single siblings jar

tattled on their siblings to vicky vale jar

publicly slandered rogues and got subsequently attacked by them jar

engaged in psychological warfare jar

caused a scandal at a wayne gala jar

gave damian coal for christmas jar

publicly endorsed superbat jar

attempted to become a villain jar

made faces standing behind bruce or tim at a press conference jar

set the kitchen on fire jar

superhero team caused an intergalactic incident jar

got in a fight on national television jar

gave bruce a new gray hair jar (they take pride in this one)

spoke to the press at all (derogatory)

held a slumber party somewhere inappropriate (ie. batcave, watchtower, rogues lair, metropolis, etc.) jar

disowned members of the family while in public jar

faked death ‘for the bit’ jar

leaked your brothers false death certificate to the press because they ate the last poptart jar

used the batmobile for joyriding jar

had unsanctioned contact with aliens jar

[charlietheepicwriter7]

the ship name for jazz x dick grayson is Night Birds, right?

Well, Night Birds, but Jazz was Red X

Every summer, Maddie and Jack would sign Jazz and Danny up for the cheesiest, mind-numbingly boring ghost hunting camp in the world, located in Jump City. There's maybe a dozen other kids there, but only two camp councilors, so it's super easy for Jazz to sneak out of there. Danny, of course, is super mad that she doesn't take him with her, but as the elder, the 12 to his 9, she refuses to risk him in the dangerous metafilled Jump City.

This ghost hunting camp is what sparks Jazz's bitter, teenage rebellion. SHE wanted to go to a psychology camp; she'd even picked one out in Florida, only a few miles away from a space program for Danny. But noooooo, Dad had found a dirty, ripped pamphlet for Spooky Ghost Camp and signed them both up, without. even. asking. At least Danny's well looked after, being the youngest kid at camp, but that gives Jazz free time.

and in her free time, she fixates on one of her first obsessions: the psychology of superheroes.

Not sure how Jazz would get the Red X suit; she'd have to learn that Robin was Red X, then steal it, and I'm not sure how'd she'd accomplish that. But she's a smart, independent child badass, I'm sure she figured it out.

Every year her parents sent her and Danny to that damn ghost camp. Every year, Jazz put on the Red X suit and tormented the Teen Titans. She couldn't dye her hair, or sneak out at night, but she had crime. Robin gets his first bisexual crisis because of her bantering/flirting with him.

Eventually Danny finds out she's Red X and is thrilled. His sister can beat up the Teen Titans, it's so cool. Maybe in the future, Jazz can steal the Pink X suit from the Teen Titans Go comics so Danny can join in the fun, have some fun gender shenanigans for them both to have alteregos that are the opposite gender.

The reason why I thought of thsi au is because I keep reading "Danny is a thief in Gotham" type stories (which are EXCELLENT) and I can't stop imagining this specific scene: Thief Danny is cornered by the batfam, about to be caught, when out of nowhere... *spanish guitar* Red X comes to save the kid. No one knows who this guy is except for Nightwing, who seems to automatically hate this guy who's... flirting with him? Is this a Cat Woman situation? This sounds like a Cat Woman situation.

Also, not sure which I like better:

For Jazz to fill out on her chest, but keep the male voice of Red X, leading to some gender confusion.

For Red X to become less of an addition to Jazz as it is part of her core personality. She is just as much Red X as she is Jazz, so when her chest comes in, she thinks "hmm, don't like that" and gets top surgery.

bc Jazz? Still totally into the Red X game even as an adult. She even found a similar ghost hunting camp in Bloodhaven after Robin went solo. She hadn't even graduated high school yet, but her favorite hobby is tormenting this one superhero. She bats at him like a cat with a spider.

[bubblesxo]

gotham fic idea/prompt i might add onto later but who knows

the bats face a powerful meta/magic user/idk who is able to basically trap people in an illusion of some significant night in their lives--see notes for more on that. in order to get out, they have to literally fight the illusions. everyone can see them doing this, but they can't necessarily see other people. maybe they get regressed back to the age where it happened, idk yet.

so. bruce get hit just when the fight is slowing down (someone didn't secure the criminal properly) and suddenly the entire battlefield is overlayed by an image of a circus---but not just any circus. screams everywhere, crying, gunshots, brutal sounds of people being killed and tortured everywhere. the games are all disgusting facsimiles of circus/carnival games--whack-a-mole with people's heads, darts games aiming at people, etc. all from the gotham tv show.

bruce, seventeen years old, with a painted face, kidnapped by a man with red hair and a sewn-on face, a man who looks so much like the joker... but isn't.

the man calls him bruce. the joker /never/ calls him bruce (not in front any of the batfam, anyway), always batman. because the joker likes to take credit for creating the batman.

but the truth is that both the batman and the joker were created by the same man: the man with the sewn-on face. jerome. a name they had never heard before.

idk, thinking of the bats' response to this is fun. what is also fun is imagining a de-aging situation or a ressurection situation--maybe at the same time? who knows!

ugh, i have too many ideas.

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

There are only so many fanfics that use the entirety of DC as cardboard cutouts to prop up bat family characters that I can read before I go berserk.

I swear to god. Every character that has ever been shipped with a bat or coexists on the same team as a bat is owed an apology.

How many Young Justice fanfics that solely revolve around Tim must exist? How many Titans fanfics centered only on Dick? Why is it a herculean task to find a Justice League fanfic without Bruce as the main character?

And then even when you do find a fic that seems like it's balanced, everything still revolves around the bat. Like Kon, Cassie and Bart have nothing else going on in their lives except Tim and Tim's issues or thinking about Tim. Like Donna and Wally and Roy just cannot function if they aren't spending every waking moment thinking about Dick.

I'm... Guys. I'm at my limit. I swear to god. We need to make a Batman tag and surgically remove all these fics and quarantine them there. We'll keep the actual DC fics and they can do whatever the fuck they want in their own tag. It's getting ridiculous how hard it is to find fanfic that's actually DC related and isn't just 'The BatFam Show'.

[tiredofsatansbullshit]

I haven't said anything crazy to you about Jason in awhile, I want to change that but don't have any ideas.

*insert long-winded original rant in the same style as the Dicks closet hetero accuser saga or the locked out of Red Hood thirst page saga*

Uuuh let's see if I can come up with one

Jason doesn't technically have a drivers license. He has a license for his motorbike which is all he uses most of the time but he does drive a car occasionally without a license for it. He's never been pulled over so it's fine.

Until one week where for some reason Bruce, Dick and Alfred are unavailable and so Jason has to start fetching Damian and Duke from school in the afternoons. Everything was fine until Damian and Duke started fighting over them and Jason attempted to break up the fight, leading to none of them noticing the cop car they just speeded past (they were going 40 over the speed limit) and none of them had seatbelts on and Jason's hands weren't on the steering wheel.

They realised once the cops lights switched on and started chasing them. Instead of pulling over, Jason sped up. Finding the whole thing hilarious, Duke started live streaming the whole chase. They ended up driving all the way to Bludhaven, where they were stopped by a very pissed off Nightwing who, on the live stream, lectured and then arrested Jason Wayne. It took Bruce three hours to show up to pay the bail.

There's gifs of Jason flipping off Nightwing as he's being put into the back of a cop car trending for weeks

[phantoms-world-and-more]

Inspired by this

What is instead if making the deal while pharia is in charge, they attempt to make it while dannys already been kings for centuries

So ra al ghul wanted better standing in the infinite realms and get access to better Lazarus pit water

So what dose he do?

He offers his grandson as a bride... and if the king dosent want a bride it'll be an offering none the less

So the LOA kidnap damian and prepare to travel to the infinite realms to try and make a deal with the ghost king

Talia, finding this out, runs to bruce (who has spent the last 3 days without sleep trying to find out where damian is) and explains everything

They call a meeting and explain that Ra is trying to gain standing in the infinite realms by offering damian as a bride, every member looses it, dick tim and jason are all foaming at the mouth and loading up weapons left and right because that is their 12 YEAR OLD BABY BROTHER FUCKERS

So talia is driving with the batfam to get her son back while re-evaluateing her opinion of the batfam because they've gone fucking nuts

.

.

.

1 day later they arrived in the infinite realms and immediately decided to break into phantom keep

Thats where damian is being held and they have no time to loose

When the wall they crashed into cleared, they are met with the sight of damian playing with a glowing green puppy, A white haired being with a flaming crown talking to a tied up Ra al ghul and a living armor stand with a flaming sword watching over damian

Dick, still foaming at the mouth, walks up and punches Ra in the face, turns to the guy with the crown and says

:look i know they offered you a bride but-

: if you think im accepting this your more crazy then him

The white haired guy points to damian who is still playing with a dog, looks dick in the eyes and said

: that is a child! He. Is. A. Child. And im not a pedo

[samthechaotic]

i know I'll get a lot of hate for this but

Scarecrow>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joker

DC stop with the over glorification and draining J, Scarescrow has much and more potential.

[fakakta-art]

quick doodle to make up for the fact that I have vanished into the abyss

[angry-neverland]

Guys I think I'm onto something

[batfamhyperfixation]

The fun game of which headcanon would I like better:

A) one of the batkids playing welcome to the black parade by MCR and Bruce knowing every word cause of course he does, he went through an emo phase (he's still in his emo phase), he listened to it on repeat when it came out to the point that even Alfred can recite the lyrics, it was his inspiration for the Batman mantle

Or

B) one of the batkids playing welcome to the black parade by MCR and Bruce BECOMING obsessed with it, like he's never heard it before but the lyrics hit him hard and he then forces anyone near him to listen to it on repeat for weeks cause he plays it everywhere he goes, he gets into all their other songs, and he, as a middle aged father of 7, goes through the MCR black parade aspect of his emo phase