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#the breakdown's been going on for a while lol
shima-draws · 3 months
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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?
#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control#I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point#And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault#I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone#But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately#I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate#Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave#Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks#Vent#Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out#It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just#Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state#It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet#Slams my head into the wall#I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it#Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3
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seiwas · 22 days
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🎤 thoughts: is it normal for friends to kind of ~disappear after getting together with someone and is it normal to feel sad about it
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72stars · 1 year
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“Burning Bright” costume/character rough (very rough) design ideas for Sunfire & Wolverine, because I didn’t have much in the way of ideas for them (outside of “okay but it’d be fun if Wolverine showed a lot of skin? and okay I guess here’s some less tits-out ideas” and “I’m just… not going with an imperial flag motif for Sunfire this version has been with the X-Men since he was a teenager it doesn’t make sense for him anyway”) and decided to get their roughs out of the way first (next up for roughs: Rogue & Storm)
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kaatiba · 1 year
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Find the Vibe Tag
I was tagged by @zmwrites! Thank you!
I was given the vibe: “I need to get out of here.”
I tag @orphicpoieses, @helioselene, @serpentarii, and anyone else who wants to play! Your vibe is “This hunger's a living thing." (Interpret as you want).
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Nujaym chitters at her and then rubs his body against her shins. Halah focuses on him and tries to steady her choked breaths, to force her lungs to expand normally and contract normally. She’s scared. She’s so, so scared about what she’s about to do and attempt. If no one else were involved and relying on her, she might let that fear control her. Might let it keep her from following through on her promises and plans. Might let it ruin what honour she has. She doesn’t remember the heroes and heroines of her favourite stories ever being gripped by such enormous and cowardly, selfish, terror. Yes, they’d been depicted as fearing for their lives, or their loved ones, or the fate of the world or the kingdom or something, but—nothing like what she’s feeling and wrestling with now. That’s why they’re legends, Halah tells herself bitterly. Some of the stories were founded in truth, but no minstrel or bard worth their salt would have depicted their hero as a craven coward. And yet, the shame she feels is not what ultimately drags her to her feet, pack in hand. No, it’s the knowledge that the agreed upon time has come and the queen is waiting for her—Raoul and Ilyas and Nilam are waiting for her. If she doesn’t go as agreed, if she doesn’t help spirit the queen from the palace, she knows the queen will decide to make the attempt on her lonesome and more than likely be caught. And then everything will be ruined and it’ll be her fault. The retribution that would follow would be entirely deserved.
taglist (ask to be +/-): @muddshadow, @lockejhaven, @tracle0, @poetinprose, @jellybeanswriting, @treesandwords, @sculpture-in-a-period-drama
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ef-1 · 2 years
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legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23
#so.#i fell into the fireplace lol#- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with#because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong#your body feels wrong.#i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18.#because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating#im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you.#but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb#or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning#i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic#so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?'#anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place#and my legs just gave out 😍#and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh#which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed#and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me'#and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed#and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh#and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok#💚#tw chronic illness#/ multiple sclerosis
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em-dashes · 1 year
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now that suddence is out to betas i'm oscillating between getting more and more self conscious and overthinking about everything that might be wrong with the story vs. knowing that is literally THE POINT of betas and i can't in good conscience let my story slide out into the world with a bunch of faults i didn't catch simply because i was too close to it
#em dashes#DON'T GO EASY ON ME I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING#i just need all my betas to know that I KNOW my story isn't perfect in its current state and that's exactly why it's out for critiques#i think there's always some part of you that wishes the critiques will come back squeaky clean. no notes! absolute perfection!#bc then you'd feel proud! you'd feel like you know what you're doing! like you're a PRO!!#however i gotta remind myself that not even professional writers can crank out perfect stories right away#they all have editors and peer critiques to help them#and i have to be careful about equating critiques as personal failures#because they aren't!! they're there to help!!!#anyway. enough venting for now#it's been a while since i got peer critiques so it's a little unnerving lol#but also also i just saw a very good breakdown of an episode of buffy that deals with grief#and i couldn't help comparing it to suddence which also deals with grief#and thinking 'wow. why didn't i do this. why didn't i do that. am i doing this all wrong'#AHH! writing is a very scary profession sometimes#but to be proud of myself for a second#i've never been so confident as to even show so many people my writing. let alone to receive critique on it#it's so strange to think there was a time where i kept all my writing bottled up and didn't talk about it to anyone even on tumblr#i began posting in 2018. that's not that long ago. that's only five years#and yet it feels like a billion years ago. i was still in university. suddence didn't even exist yet#wow. time is so weird
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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woe another tag vent session be upon ye
#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god.#like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision.#literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo#and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her.#this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much#and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck.#ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually.#but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee#someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad#so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that.#idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk#my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun#but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle#should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ???????????#idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that.#sigh. anyway.#also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either.#i might go paint in the living room. i dont know.#anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy#tw death#tw panic attack
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Ptsd, internalised and regular homophobia put together with my suffocating loneliness do a great job of making me not want to be a lesbian but instead be straight - but I’ll tell you this, nothing has the power the sucker punch me into the desire of heterosexuality more then romance anime and manga lol
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pepprs · 2 years
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i say this every week but this has been the most emotionally intense week of my life. or at least it’s up there. lol
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orcelito · 1 year
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oh yeah uh i forgot to talk about my day. i havent rly been existing as a person whoops. uh
work kinda sucked but not NEARLY as bad as yesterday. honestly yesterday was probably the worst shift ive had in uh. well at least a year im betting. it was really so very bad.
today was better except Whoops my bike broke a little bit. forgot to mention that too. i left it at work overnight in the storage room n im gonna bring it to the bike shop tomorrow. so im gonna be without my bike for a few days </3
uhm. otherwise ive been procrastinating, still not doing my dishes, reading trigun fanfic and rewatching trigun stampede and reading trigun maximum. and also browsing etsy for trigun merch, of which i bought a few things.
now im thinking about skipping class again bc it's accidentally oh so late and i am very tired. i can rationalize it to myself that it's Totally for the sake of finishing my lab tomorrow. but really ive just lost control of this semester and i barely wanna do shit anymore. lol.
#speculation nation#also listened thru the 2nd trigun stampede OST album two whole times#went walking home bc i got no bike rn and i was just meandering down the scenic path#(it's thankfully not flooded anymore. a lil muddy at spots but i managed to avoid it)#saw some deer tracks. crouched by the river for a little bit. all while sipping at a hibiscus tea i brought from work#went home. read embarrassing fanfiction. swore i was gonna do the dishes and then just watched trigun stampede#went looking on etsy. went reading the manga. i swear it's overtaking my entire life.#im trying to be gentle with myself tho. saturday's shift did Not help me with the mental breakdown ive been fending off for weeks#oh yeah and easter. fucking easter. i was neutral/negative leaning but the shop i wanted to go to was closed today#which pushed it solidly in the negative direction. like for fuck's sake this is a fucking witchy shop and they're closed for EASTER?????#i wanted to go buy a tarot deck wtf. and the Spiritual Shop is closed for a Christian Holiday??? okay lmfao#meanwhile we kept having ppl call to ask if we were open today n it was just like 'man this is a bubble tea shop what do you think'#O Lord Bless This Bubble Tea for it was Made In Your Image.............#or some shit like that idfk. like yes we did have a few ppl call off for easter but majority of us are gay and/or Definitely not christian#the handful of us there kept laughing about how little we care about easter. one girl saying she completely forgot about it#and like. man. yea. easter's one of the most pointless ass holidays outside of christianity#at least there's fun in christmas for non christians in the gift giving. easter is just like. there are eggs now???#and this is to celebrate The Lord?????? ok lol#anyways yea my days r happening. i keep skipping class. probably will again. Whoops sorry professor man but im just tryin to survive now
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fingertipsmp3 · 4 months
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I love TS2 but it has some really stupid mechanics built into it
#so i had this family that was just two teen girls right? and on like day 2 of them being in the neighbourhood a really cute stray dog#showed up at their doorstep. so i was like 'ADOPT HIM IMMEDIATELY'#only. only i didn't think about how they would both be going to college soon and they can't take their dog to college!!!!!#also i'm playing the prosperity challenge in this neighbourhood which means there is basically a lot of rules built in#like not being able to use 'combine households' except in college or when moving a graduate back into their ancestral home#and.. just lots of stuff really#basically the dog would've been taken away by the city once i sent the girls away to college#i was like okay. here are my options. i can keep one of them at home and she can have a breakdown about never having gotten to go to colleg#OR i can give the dog to somebody#and the second option seemed like it was going to work out perfectly because the girl who initially adopted the dog has a girlfriend#who lives in another house. so i was like 'that's perfect; he can go live there. her gf's dad can take care of the dog and then#after graduation they can both just move in with him and get married and the dog will be there too and all that'll have happened#is that he'll have swapped houses. it'll be basically like she's just giving the dog to her gf's dad to take care of while she's at school'#but i kept trying to hand the dog over and it wouldn't work. the 'give pet' mechanic just wasn't working#so i ended up giving the pet up for adoption and both the girls were crying and it was so much :(#i did have the gf adopt the pet using the pet adoption service and he cost £3100??? why#listen. i love this dog. i wouldn't have gone through all this if i didn't. but he's not worth all of that#he's well trained and everything and i think he's supposed to be a bulldog but he does pee in the house and try to fight wolves#i just was sooo baffled at the fact that the 'give pet' function apparently isn't free?? then why are there two separate options#for 'sell pet' and 'give pet'. 'give pet' should mean it's FREE#TAKE THE DOG#so i had to gut the gf's dad's house in order for him to afford this stupid animal. he literally has no windows. rip#i'm ngl i hate his house so i was going to rebuild it anyway but it didn't have to happen this way#i guess all's well that ends well. the dog is where i was intending to put him; the girls are in college; and nobody is bothered#i just felt bad that they cried while he was being taken away and that he spent like .5 seconds in a shelter#while i frantically deleted windows lol#personal
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mayjeffneverstopyou · 9 months
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danrifics · 22 days
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good morning i have slept a total of 2 hours here’s my spoiler breakdown for terrible influence antwerp
they start by playing a text to speech voice who welcomes us and the straight boyfriends and the dads (they’re a bit obsessed with the dads i’ll be real) the voice tells us if we film she’s gonna sue are asses. text to speech lady she is an icon
dnp come out and they’re like yo this is cool it’s the first show, you guys are gonna see what we’ve been up to and then they’re like it’s the first show so we can use you guys to decide if we change anything
they they’re like there’s probably people in the audience who don’t really know us so they do a 15 years of dan and phil lore breakdown with dolls of themselves in little set of iconic dnp locations (made by pj and sophie btw) they put these sets in a table in front of a camera and it shows on the big screen, (for 1 section of this the screen doesn’t work for the first part lol) also phil makes the dolls kiss and they also make the dolls hump the breakfast bar cos of course they do
i can’t remember what happens next or maybe it jumps right into the next thing i mention
they play a game show called role model or no-model which is a madlibs style game where you have to decide if the version of dan and phil the audience creates is a role model or not these are compared to real dnp. we had homophobic furry lawyer dan and linguistics dr phil wo has a thing for hamsters. just an fyi for this dan is really good at hearing what the audience is saying and phil is not at all and im pretty sure he made his up cos he couldn’t understand what we wanted
okay so after this iirc they start talking about the youtube landscape and what they’re gonna do after tour and how to keep people entertained and they go on a little adventure through different genres of youtube like minecraft lets plays, vtubers and then they pretend to be mr beast and pretend to give away a bunch of stuff that they don’t have, they cure us of any mental health issues and they cure us from being gay <3
then they decide to have a boxing match cos obvs that’s what youtubers do, they ask us to cheer for whoever they want to win and it has cool intro to it! i’ll be honest this boxing match goes on for entirely too long like it spans the end of the first half and the start of the second but they have like choreographed fighting and OMFG it’s very gay and like suggestive and they do many times look like they’re gonna have sex 😂 like one of phils moves is to hit dan with his ass while dan is holding him from behind so… yeah. anyway dan thought he won ours and then phil knocked him out with a tv, as he should!! also before they end the first half they’re having an insult match where phils tells dan hes gonna burn his house down only for dan to say they live in the same house and i was dying it was so funny, phil also calls dan a dickhead and this is where he also calls him a cunt and that’s how the first half ends. oh also phil has a fake 6 pack on and that’s the $300 dollar silicone btw
okay second half after dan is dead they have a sincere moment and then they’re like you guys keep telling us you want load of long unedited content and they ask us to tell them a topic to monologue about and someone shouts feet and they rant about feet lmao phil excitedly tells everyone he has a better wiki feet rating than dan
then dan goes on a rant about being discriminated against as a millennial (can’t remember how we got there) and phil gets bored and starts watching subway surfers and i’ll be real honest as a gen z i instantly got distracted by subway surfers and didn’t listen to what dan was saying (that was the point tho) and phil keeps turning up the volume and dan gets mad and he storms off
we have a nice sincere moment with phil but idk what tf it was cos neither did phil 😂
then suddenly a voice, oh here she comes, she asks if we’re ready to confess our sins and out comes sister daniel, everyone fucking loses it, if you heard me screaming so loud no you didn’t.
anyway they read some confessions (phil is father philip) and they read out a few including one from @dnphobe !!! phil has a water gun that he didn’t have when he was meant to and couldn’t find and then found and he was spraying it at people to cleanse them of their sins which is what they meant by people being in the splash zone btw also phil sprayed it at dan it was kinda cute
okay so they say they need to go and get changed and they head off stage and there’s a gag where they leave the microphone on and they’re purposely making it sound sexual and it’s so funny and then dan comes out and phil doesn’t cos he’s struggling with his leather fucking trousers that was a completely unscripted part for sure
then they talk about the hiatus a bit and how dan left us and they keep calling us their family and brb while i cry my eyes out
then they pull out a fucking banger of a song, like i can’t even explain to you how good it is, it has a fully like kpop style dance to it that im gonna fucking learn lmao and dan was so good at it like im not even kidding that man was pulling moves!! phil was doing great too btw but he definitely wasn’t as confident in it as dan was but damn it’s the best song yet imo!!
also i forgot to write the conspiracy bit because i forgot where in the show it is but on one of them they were trying so hard to make us say the opposite one but we were literally forcing tour bus on them and yes they confirmed they shared a bed on that tour bus!! and they played it off like its okay for friends to do that (cos it is) but they way they said it was that thing again where they blur the line a little so we know what they actually mean but still pretend they mean something else
okay some little things i remember that i didn’t write above
- “i can’t imagine my life without you”
- “it’ll be 15 years in december” (if you know you know)
- the absolute silence after they confirmed the bed thing cos none of us were actually expecting it
- dan had to prompt phil a little to remind him what to say next but it was very cute
- they kept looking at each other in *that* way
- phil lied to us about when norman died cos he had norman merch coming out
- sleepless night with phil 3 is fake!!
- they showed *that* video of phil asleep on the tour bus
- there were multiple times where i thought they’re gonna kiss right now???
-phil called dan kinda sexy
- ALL IS FORGIVEN, ANYTHING FROM THE LAST WE MIGHT HAVE DONE IS FORGIVEN THEY LOVE US WE ARE A FAMILY THEY ARE LITERALLY OUR DADS
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pathologicalreid · 13 days
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I'm a terrible writer but always get good ideas lmao
Idk if you've ever seen friends or not but there is this one scene where Rachel and Ross go to a sonogram appt and she has a whole breakdown cause all she saw on the sonogram was a blob and not a baby. (I'm pretty sure it was like their first appt or something idk)
I'm a sucker for dad!spence and you're one of my favorite writers for him.
Feel free to totally ignore this if this is trash lol💓
amorphous | S.R.
your first appointment goes exactly how you expected it to, but not at all how you wanted it to
who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff w/ comfort content warnings: pregnancy, ultrasounds, doctors, pregnancy symptoms, emetophobia warning word count: 795 a/n: i have never seen friends but i hope that this fic does your request justice. ilysm.
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You put on a brave face as you accepted your appointment card from the secretary, thanking her for her time before sliding the card into your pocket, trusting that Spencer would remember the date and time of your next appointment.
Everyone had tried to prepare you for this appointment. At eight weeks, all you were going to do was confirm that you were actually pregnant and make sure that you were measuring accurately. The internet told you that was going to happen. Spencer told you that was going to happen. Your OB told you that was going to happen.
None of that prevented the sheer disappointment you felt while leaving the obstetrician’s office. You lagged behind Spencer, taking the steps to the parking lot considerably slower than he was.
It didn’t take him long to notice, keenly aware of your every move as if he had developed a paternal superpower, your husband waited for you at the bottom of the steps. “What’s wrong?”
You opened your mouth to respond, gesturing over to the building before shrugging, “I thought it would help,” you confessed, sticking out your bottom lip in disappointment.
Spencer’s gaze softened as he ushered you off to the side and out of other people’s way. He knew you had been struggling with the lack of visibility that early pregnancy had. You hadn’t told friends and family yet, the only people who knew – aside from medical professionals – were the two of you.
“I just wanted to see it,” you mumbled, looking sheepishly to the ground. “I thought it would make it feel real.”
He nodded in understanding, using the pads of his thumbs to deftly wipe away any stray tears on your cheeks, “You saw the screen though, right?”
You thought you had been looking at the screen, but maybe you had been so distracted by the transducer that your brain hadn’t processed what you had seen. The baby hadn’t been in a good enough position for you to hear the heartbeat.
“Here,” Spencer said, setting his hands on your upper arms before guiding you over to an empty bench. Once you were sat, he dug through your purse and produced the sonogram images that you had been given.
Suspiciously, you eyed the black and white pictures that Spencer had gently set in your lap, “It just… it’s just a little white blob.”
Maintaining your attention, Spencer pointed at the picture, “Do you see this part here? That’s the head,” he dragged his finger over slightly, “There’s the body,” he showed you. Guiding you through the sonogram, showing you every part in hope that it would console you.
“I just…” you faltered, looking at the photos as you tried to see it as a baby instead of a blob, “I don’t have a bump, we couldn’t hear the heartbeat, I guess… I guess I wanted some sign that they’re okay in there.”
Crouched down in front of you, Spencer cocked his head to the side, “Honey, what’s the first thing you did this morning?”
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “I showered?”
Spencer shook his head, “Even before that, the very first thing you did this morning,” he encouraged you.
Your face warmed as your eyes flittered up to his, “I threw up.”
“And do you know what made you so sick?” He asked pointedly. Smiling timidly, you looked down at the photos with a newfound fondness, “The baby.”
He nodded, “Every morning that you wake up nauseous and every time you’re tired in the middle of the day are all little signs that they’re doing just fine.”
You sniffled slightly, wiping tears from your face with the sleeve of your sweater, “I’m sorry,” you murmured, “You probably think I’m being so dramatic.”
“I think you’re scared, and it’s okay to feel that way,” he reassured you. “We’re gonna see them again, okay? Next time we go they’ll be more than three times bigger. Our little blob will have tiny arms and legs.”
You frowned down at the pictures, still frustrated that this was all you had, “Twelve weeks feel so far away.” You had scheduled your nuchal scan for the end of next month, which felt like eons into the future.
Spencer smiled at up at you, “It’ll be here before you know it,” he told you softly, “No more tears, okay? I still have an hour before I have to go to work, did you want to get something to eat?”
Nodding softly, you put the photos back in your purse before standing up, “Yeah, maybe something with raspberries? That’s how big my phone says the baby is – the size of a raspberry.”
Tilting his head back slightly, Spencer chuckled at your proposition, “Absolutely, we’ll find the best raspberry dish in the district.”
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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i just failed my class lol. lmao
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leetaeiil · 2 years
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You know what I’m not gonna lie I kinda feel like I got nothing and it’s eating me alive just a little bit lmao
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