#the cc accidentally made a character who was a way better person than he was

[emi-writings]

I have to say one of the more disappointing aspects of the entire situation is that c!Wilbur seems to be being reduced to nothing more than "c!Tommy's other abuser" and losing almost the entirety of his character in that.

No, obviously we hate cc!Wilbur Soot here and would never support him. He is a terrible person, a disgust scumbag who doesn't deserve half the fame he has gotten. I won't ever watch another one of his streams, I won't ever watch his videos again, I have him blocked on Spotify (which I didn't know you could do before). I will not support even the support of cc!Wilbur Soot.

But c!Wilbur was a way better man that cc!Wilbur ever could be.

This was a man who started a nation because he saw people who weren't good at fighting and hadn't been around for as long were struggling with resources. And also to start a drug empire kinda? The drug empire part kinda got tossed to the side a little bit...

Then, due to a mixture of a lot of factors (getting betrayed, losing the war, etc) he ended up making a rash decision to validate himself as an attempt to "fix" his depression instead of healing from it: host an election.

Pogtopia was bad for c!Wilbur. The deepest pit he was in, where he decided that he was going to become the monster he felt like. Even then, he never intended to blow up certain buildings he built with people he cared about. He lashed out at people because he wanted to be hated. Does this justify his actions? No, certainly not, and the narrative makes that clear.

C!Wilbur's arc is about depression, trauma and self-loathing vs healing, self-acceptance and self-love. About how these things can impact yourself and those around you, even when you don't intend it to. Even if you intend it to effect other people in a different way than it did. It's complicated and messy. But it doesn't justify anything and he still needed to apologize, still needed to make things right with people.

A huge part of the healing journey with that character was also going from Ghostbur and Alivebur hating each other, to c!Wilbur trying to help Ghostbur in Limbo. A part of that was realizing that the environment of the SMP wasn't healthy and he needed to leave.

There is a lot of things about this character that I am seeing stripped away in order to have a cc!Wilbur punching bag... and I just feel really a sense of loss of community.

[stabbydragon]

*clears throat* Can we just talk about how unfair it was that Cordelia was the one who got to kill Tatiana? Like there were a million other people who were way more qualified.

I’m pretty sure most people, like me, were rooting for Grace. After all, she was the one that Tatiana hurt most by physically abusing her, making her into a weapon, forcing her to brainwash James which made everyone she cares about mad at her, etc. Not to mention that Christopher, one of her only friends, the only person who defended her, and the one who encouraged her to pursue her passion for science, had just been MURDERED by Tatiana! And like, Grace was RIGHT THERE with a knife to Tatiana’s throat! Then CORDELIA had to come and ruin everything by summoning Lillith! WTF!?

Jesse was another person who had been hurt by Tatiana. This bitch, who he thought cared about him despite her flaws, as a mother should, SOLD HIM TO BELIAL so he could be possessed and forced to murder people which he would never do under any circumstances of his own free will! The guilt the poor boy must have gone through because of this bitch! Although personally, I don’t think he would be capable of murder, but it would have been better than fucking CORDELIA.

Also, the idea of either Jesse or Grace doing it to avenge their sibling? 😭

My second choice after Grace would be Lucie, who would be furious both because of Jesse being possessed, and because she had just found out that Tatiana had been the one to ruin James and Cordelia’s marriage, causing both her brother and parabatai a lot of pain. It would have set the scene for a fascinating conversation between her and Jesse regarding how they both felt about Tatiana’s death (the same is true for Grace) because I need more Ghostwriter scenes. Also, if she killed her partially on Grace’s behalf, it would better showcase what could have been a beautiful dynamic that desperately needs to be explored further. I need these too to become besties immediately! Lucie, unlike her boyfriend, totally deserved to be a morally ambiguous character. She had so much potential for stabbiness, so where’s all the stabbiness? It’s so unfair that she never gets to stab someone ONCE because she’s a main character and therefore needs to be morally perfect even though people who grew as rich as she did are the ones most likely to be evil. Besides, she could have ordered a ghost to do it while Lucie herself was far away, giving her an alibi, and any witnesses would not have seen the ghost. Honestly my preference would be if Lucie and Grace teamed up to do it together in Jesse’s name.

EVEN FUCKING JAMES a would have been a better option, not that I would like it much. He was the one who was brainwashed since he was fourteen after all. He was the one who kept on accidentally breaking his wife’s heart because of the gracelet.

While Cordelia was still hurt by Tatiana’s actions, she was farther removed from the situation. But because sHe’S tHe PrOtAgOnIsT, she had to be the one to do it. Not even of her own volition, but because she was being manipulated by a greater demon. Imagine all of your protagonists being so heroic and morally sound that they can’t even neutralize someone as twisted and dangerous and inhumane and this bitch without being physically magically controlled by Lillith herself. Is there anything more boring?

And what really makes me angry is that she finally gave in due to the death of one Christopher Lightwood, a character with whom she had no established dynamic. If this was CC’s plan all along, she could have made it so they had at least one single fucking conversation alone??? If the main catalyst for Tatiana’s death was Kit’s murder, then practically ANY OTHER CHARACTER a would have been better. Cecily and Gabriel and the others were in Idris but, once again, there’s Grace, Lucie, James, Thomas, Anna, Matthew, etc. Hell, even Rosamund Wentworth, who arrives pretty soon after Kit’s death, knew him longer than Cordelia!

*Ahem* Thank you for listening to my PSA

[criesinmultifandommess]

A Little Not Sane

You weren't the most mentally stable person around. But then again, neither were they. (Yandere DSMP x Reader)

Warnings: abuse, manipulation, suicidal threats, more in-depth warnings under the cut

Notes: this is their DSMP characters, not the actual people, the CCs are very lovely and I promise I'm doing alright, I'm just experimenting in my writing to see how far I can push my boundaries. Also, take heed of the warnings, I don't want to trigger anyone accidentally

Full warnings: manipulation, mentions of suicidal attempts, death threats, depression, drug abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, a lot of abuse, gaslighting

Sam

"Shh, it's okay, this is for your own good."

will put you through "training" so you don't get hurt easily

uses potions a lot and forces you to take them too

if you think regular c!Sam is bad, you aren't prepared for warden c!Sam

warden c!Sam will, I repeat, will not hesitate to hurt you and won't be kind to you afterwards, especially if you accidentally word something or do something like Dream

threatens to lock you up or kill you if you say or do it again

Bad

"Please stay with me, I promise I'll be better."

on the surface he seems like a good person

but he will lash out when he feels like you don't love him anymore

apologizes and promises to not to get angry again, but he will

very double standard

gets angry if he finds you with your friends and demands you not to see them, but won't take your opinion into consideration

wants you to join the Eggpire; has even trapped you in the Egg to turn to his side

even if you don't get corrupted, he'll make you wear corrupted clothes and keeps you under watch at all times

Dream

"You're lucky I love you since no one else will."

makes you believe only he loves you

sometimes hits you when you don't listen

cuts you off from your friends and family so you rely on him only

gives you whatever you want if you ask nicely

may or may not mix in weakening drugs in your food so you can't escape him, who knows

Foolish

"You wouldn't leave me, would you?"

gives you whatever you want, so why would you leave

sure, he doesn't let you go anywhere without him

but that just means he's a little overprotective, it's fine

likes covering you in gold/emeralds

trying to find ways to turn you immortal so you can be with him forever, but hasn't found one yet

Fundy

"Everyone else leaves me, I guess it was only a matter of time before you did too."

guilts you into staying with him

purposely puts himself through harmful situations so you worry about him and care for him

very afraid of you leaving him but won't show it

tends to make jokes about breaking up and laughs it off when you ask him about it

Niki

"Where are you going? Can I come too?"

clingy to the point of suffocating

wants to go wherever you go

if you don't let her, she gets sad and agrees

but what you don't know is that she's following you

just to make sure you aren't cheating on her, you know

says her food is made with love, but last time you ate something she made, you felt incredibly tired and slept the rest of the day; it's fine tho, Niki said you were just worn out from work, she took care of you while you were asleep

Sapnap

"I'll burn down this entire place if you leave me."

what did you expect other than arson?

he wouldn't think twice about torching what you love

gets insanely jealous when he sees you talking to other people

tells you not to talk to anyone else but him

follows you around saying he's protecting you, but in reality he's giving anyone who even comes near you a death stare and planning to burn their house down later

Skeppy

"I won't hurt you again, I swear."

empty promises

when you don't want him to do something, he mocks you and does it anyway, but when he doesn't want you to do something, he'll make sure you don't do it

plays pranks on you that are harmful or just plain rude

breaking up prank, suicide prank, death pranks in general, etc.

he says it's all in fun though, don't be a buzzkill babe

Wilbur

"Leave me and I'll kill myself."

sort of inspired by the dude in cc!Wilbur's E-Girl series

He would be more subtle at first during his president phase; a joke here and there that's a little too dark,

Eventually, he'd show his more possessive traits

When he gets banished, the fear of you leaving him grows; leads to him latching on to you and not letting you out of his vision

He believes he's the only one that is allowed to love you

Revivedbur is a totally different beast because he feels like Wil before he got corrupted but it isn't him as well

Could not think of anything for a few of them (and some have said they don't like shipping) so sorry, maybe a part 2 when I get ideas

[sadlysober]

dreammate

Dream x gn!reader Summary: Tommy’s curious to know more about Dream’s personal life and ends up ‘meeting’ his s/o. Warnings: none i think.. lmk if you find any! Just fluff-ish tbh. A/N: hi i uh usually dont write so feedback is more than welcome, feel free to correct me if i made any mistakes! If cc’s are uncomfortable i’ll delete it, but that goes without saying :)

Being a content creator has it’s perks. Such as being able to meet new people, meeting people you admire and enjoyed watching way before you became a streamer yourself. Or the fact that you can just hang out with your friends and the chat and even make some money off of it. You often get invited to hang out with people on Among Us, Rust, Minecraft, you name it. One of the biggest benefits of being a content creator was being a part of the Dream SMP. You were a reacurring character and the chat loved you. Your persona would often show up in fanart, alongside Sapnap’s, George’s, Ranboo’s and the other members. There would often be speculations on you dating one of the guys on the SMP. Funny enough, they never expected it to be Dream.

You had been dating for a month before making it official and are currently nearing the 3 month mark. The two of you decided to keep it quiet for the time being and had only told Sapnap and George.

After a long and fun weekend at his home in Florida, you decided to hang out on his bed, watching some tiktoks or whatnot. Your boyfriend was sitting behind his setup, getting the game started. It wasn’t long until his laughter filled the room. Every couple of minutes he would look over his shoulder to check up on you.

Curiousity got the best of you. What was he laughing about? You opened Twitch, and ofcourse, Clay wasn’t streaming. But Tommy was. You watched as Clay’s character hit Tommy’s, accidentally killing the boy.

“Call child services! Dream has killed a child!” Quackity yelled over VC. Tommy walked back to get his stuff.

“Dream, I am not liking this attitude of yours.” You heard your boyfriend chuckle as he was walking around the map. You looked over at his monitor as Tommy’s character walked into his screen. “Dream, can I ask you something?”

“Tommy, if you want to know where babies-”

“SHUT UP BIG Q I KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM.” His high pitched laugh and yelling making you tune your volume down.

“Go ahead Tommy, what do you want to ask?” Clay asked calmy.

“Why I was wondering, I have met Mother Dream and Drista, do you have any more family I can talk to? Can I meet Father Dream?” Tommy was trying really hard to look as serious as possible asking Dream.

“My family isn’t here right now.” Dream stated, looking at you with a sneaky grin on his face.

“Oh, alright then, do you- do you like being alone Dream?” You can’t help but chuckle at Tommy always ending his scenteces with ‘Dream’, making it sound so personal and serious.

“I don’t mind being alone, but I’m actually not alone right now, Tommy.” Your eyes focus on the man sitting behind his setup, Tommy jumping around on the monitor behind him. “Baby, would you like to talk to Tommy?” Clay asked, looking at you.

“Dream, who did you call baby? Is there a uhh Drartner ... no uh a dreammate?” Tommy stared into his camera and his chat was going wild.

Dream laughs as he signs for you to come over. He mutes himself from the VC. “Are you sure about this?” You ask him, walking over to where he’s sitting. “I am, are you?” You nodded. He moves the chair back a bit and motions for you to sit down on his lap.

“Alright Tommy, here’s my uhh, Dreammate, be nice to them.” You had put your phone down to still be able to see Tommy’s stream. He looked so impatient, yelling to his chat. 

“Wait, WAIT- guys wait.” He quickly typed into the game chat for the other players online to join your VC for some ‘action’.

Clay mutes himself again. “So Tommy is ordering some of the guys to join the VC, it’s just Tubbo, Ranboo, Callahan and Quackity, so no worries.” He hands you the headphones and you adjust them, being able to hear Tommy loud and clear.

“Alright Tommy, what’s up?” Ranboo asked, walking up to the two of you.

“DREAM, Dream can they hear me? Ranboo, Dream is introducing us to his Dreammate.” You type into the game chat that you can hear him.

“What’s a Dreammate?” Tubbo asks, joining your little group.

“Well, appearantly Dream has been keeping a secret from us-” You softly giggle.

“What’s he saying?” Your boyfriend asks, wrapping his arms around your waste.

“Hello? Hello? Are you there, Dream’s Dreammate?” Tommy’s character hits Clay’s, so you take the mouse and hit his back.

“Well hello there, Tommy.” You see the boy’s expression change from confusion to a somewhat dissapointed face.

“Oh hello, Y/N, it’s been a while” He continues hitting you and you run away from him “I actually thought Dream was gonna introduce me to his Dreammate. You got me there, real funny.” Clay put in the earbuds connected to your phone so he could listen to what Tommy was saying. “Who would want to date Dream anyways- oh, well chat, alright alright so you ALL want to -” The boy sighs, being way too hyper for the conversation.

“Tommy, I-I am dating Dream.”

“No, the prank wasn’t funny, Y/N. Dream has failed you, I expected better from him.” The bitterness in his voice is truly impressive.

“Stop killing me Tommy!” It’s your turn to thaunt him, getting out your sword and running after him.

“I think they’re serious Tommy, congrats you two!” Ranboo says, helping you kill Tommy.

“Does that mean you’ll be coming back to the SMP, Y/N? We never finished that thing we were working on.“ Tubbo asks ever so sweetly. “Thanks Ranboo and yes ofcourse Tubbo, I’ll be joining soon.”

<Callahan> poor fundy

Dream’s famous kettle laugh echoed through the room when he read the messege. “Dream, can you hear me, Dream?” Tommy asks, being able to hear Clay laugh on VC.

“Yes Tommy I can hear you.” He says, burrying his face in your neck.

“I- I have a question.” It fell silent for a bit. “WHY” Tears start rolling over your cheeks from laughter.

Once Dream catches his breath he finally comments. “Tommy you love women right?” You face your boyfriend, who is trying to keep a straight face.

Tommy looks straight in the camera. “What a dumb question, all I talk about is my love for women. Do you ever listen to me, Dream? It’s almost like you’re my boyfriend.” He made a disgusted face before cracking up again.

“Oh god” You whisper as you shake your head. Clay presses a kiss on your neck. “Well Tommy, I feel the same way about Y/N.” An ‘aw’ left your mouth before Tommy made a barfing sound.

“So are you gonna marry them?” Tommy truly does feel like an annoying brother sometimes. Your eyes scan the chat while Clay does the talking. A couple of shipnames and questions pop up between all the emotes.

“I don’t know yet, Tommy. Maybe someday.” He said, hugging you a little thighter. You softly press a kiss on his forehead.

“Alright, cringe. I have no further questions.” Tommy states. “I’m gonna go back to building my tower. Goodbye.”

“Bye Tommy.” Clay said as he left the game. “Nice talking to you!” You added, taking the headphones off. “That wasn’t half as bad huh?”

Ah, yet again the Dream SMP is trending.

[jjkyaoi]

I am getting so tired of how poorly some people in this fandom treat c!tommy and how differently from any other character they treat him, for example c!ranboo. It shows so much after every single stream, especiay this one and its such a pet peeve of mine because its so unfair.

If people don't like c!tommy thats absolutely fine, but don't pull stuff out of your arse to tear the character down.

When c!tommy lost henry and was clearly grieving and feeling terribly, c!ranboo didn't really deal with that very well and did a bad job comforting him and thus sometimes came off borderline mocking. And that is very justified and in character from his pov because he is not at all equipped to handle peoples mental breakdowns and shouldn't have to be, hes basically a walking mental breakdown himself. Not once after that stream did i see a comment anywhere that was like 'c!ranboo is ignoring tommys trauma/isnt taking it seriously!!bad friend!!'

But after c!tommy makes one tiny offhand comment about c!tubbo having thicker skin, from his pov also fully justified and in character, its suddenly 'ooh he isnt taking his trauma seriously!!!bad friend!" Or again today, with them deciding that ranboos 'tubbo is only using me for my items' (which was absolutely a joke and not serious lore) isn't cannon, but tommy accidentally blowing up tubbos stuff, (like tubbo did to him on his birthday btw and Nobody said a word about it BECAUSE IT ALSO WASNT CANON NOR INTENTIONAL) is.

I see people bragging about not watching c!tommys pov and not c!ranboos despite them having about the same viewership numbers during lore streams. They complain about c!tommy taking away attention from others and being the protagonist, while declaring c!ranboo who is also involved in many plotlines the 'next protagonist' in the very same sentence...

Some people just pick and choose anything that makes c!tommy look bad and put both c!ranboo and cc!ranboo on a pedestal. And don't even get me started on their totally invasive takes on the irl friendships. At this point they should just admit that they hate cc!tommy, stop watching his stuff if he annoys them so much, and shut up.

this isn’t ranboo critical in any way at all, because it isn’t his fault that people in this fandom behave this way/there’s a bias between them, but yea, you’re right.

i don’t know what it is, but people seem to be more open to supporting c!ranboo than they do c!tommy under any circumstance. and it’s like, that’s fine, you’re allowed to have characters you’re more open to supporting/you like more than others —god knows i do— but it gets the point where when you’re actively comparing the two characters/saying things like “ranboo wouldn’t ever do this” or “ranboo is so much better at __/for __ than tommy is!” is like. Okay Pal. i don’t know what it is, if i’m honest. i don’t know if it’s tommy’s abrasive personality that throws ‘em off, but the double standards in this fandom never fail to astound me —and, it isn’t always with ranboo. there’s a lot more people that are willing to be forgiving with any other character than c!tommy. there’s always the “i’m not excusing c!tommy but i can understand why he did __” or “he shouldn’t have done __!! he’s evil!! a monster!” but when it comes to anyone else it’s just “they popped off 🥺🥺🥺 deserved!! never did anything wrong!” and it’s getting to the point where i’m genuinely tired of it. people in this fandom take any opportunity they can to bash on his character but when it’s anybody else it’s just crickets, and they like do this funny little things /s, where they make fun of apologists for c!tommy for only liking a character if they’re nice to him, but then turn around and do the same exact thing and when said character isn’t nice to their fave they’re the devils incarnate, so it’s hypocritical for them to stereotype c!tommy apologists as people who only care about certain characters if they have a positive opinion of tommy when they do the same thing.

i’m just sort of tired of it. when c!tommy makes the slightest mistake i’m always anxious to check tumblr or twitter because i already know —i’m already expecting thousands of people to have turned against him. there’s such open support of c!tommy one second, but once he makes one harmless mistake it’s suddenly he’s unforgivable once again and i’m getting tired of people not bothering to understand his character and brushing him off as horrible but when it comes down to anyone else they’re way more open for second chances.

i don’t fucking understand it, is the problem.

genuinely, i don’t . i don’t understand why the vendetta against him goes so far, and i’d be open for people to tell me why they hate him but half of he time they don’t have a reason beyond him being annoying/the mistakes he’s already made up for and theyre just choosing to hold a grudge against him for.

i don’t care if you don’t like c!tommy, don’t take this post as an opportunity to debate with me (/srs), because i’m tired of explaining to deaf ears why “hey, he isn’t actually that bad guys”, because it’s 4:51AM and i’m being driven by spite and pettiness only. i will bite your head off /hj

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[prinx-archive]

My Au Summaries

As of right now, everything on this blog is mcyt. NOTHING I write for mcyt will ever be NSFW. If I ever write anything with a romantic ship, it will be between the adult characters of cc’s who are ok with that type of content.  

If there is something on this blog that you can only associate with a kink or something sexual, please just don't read or interact with it at all. That's not why I write these and I don't want people thinking of the stories in that way because the characters are based on real people (some of them minors.)

summaries:

G/t

Content that has a focus on g/t or giant/tiny interactions.

Smolbois inc: the sbi get lost in a forest one day. They take shelter in a cave, but realize the cave is occupied by two giants- Ranboo and Tubbo. They're hopelessly lost, and it's too dangerous for them to be wandering outside (maybe because of giant mobs or something?) So they stay in the cave, trying their best to hide from the giants. But they're not used to being sneaky, so it's only a matter of time before one of them is spotted.

Ragdoll AU: sometimes, when creating dolls, if the circumstances are right, the doll may come alive. Be it ragdolls, porcelain dolls, or even gingerbread men. Sometimes they're made on purpose, sometimes on accident. Wilbur gets sent a tiny fabric doll as a present: it fits in his hand, and it's made of patches of black and white fabric. Somehow, he accidentally brings him to life, and suddenly he's got a living, magic doll to take care of. I have ideas for both Tubbo and Dream as porcelain dolls in this au.

Birds of a Feather: (this has an actual title, but it's one of my least thought out ones, go figure.) Wilbur and Phil are both bird hybrids. They both have wings, although only Phil's are large enough to actually fly. Wilbur has a great singing voice, and is able to make bird sounds that Phil can't make. Ranboo is also a bird hybrid, but he's also still half enderman. He only has one wing that's even smaller than Wilburs wings. He gets stuck in the rain one day and is rescued by Tubbo.

Shooting Stars au: Giant alien scientists Wilbur and Tubbo come to earth. They take samples of things to study, including a few humans, Phil, Tommy and Ranboo. Phil's friend Techno manages to sneak on board unnoticed before the aliens leave the planet so he can attempt a rescue mission. The aliens don't think the humans are sentient yet, so plan to study them.

Trust au: Giant Tubbo is best friends with half-enderman Ranboo. They met when they were both kids, and have been friends for years. Mostly a fluffy au, but I'm willing to go other directions with it depending on asks.

Starstruck au: benchtrio are tiny experiments stuck in a simulation, and have no idea their world isn't real. Wilbur is a scientist who gets transferred to their experiment and wants to get them out. He ends up making a fake identity as a musician in the simulation and the teens become his fan.

Tomyo au: a ponyo au with Tommy in the place of Ponyo, Phil as the dad and Kristen as the goddess, Wilbur as the mom and both Tubbo and Ranboo as Sosuke. Techno is a nursery worker and and Wil's coworker and Niki is beeduo's teacher.

Curiosity au: Wilbur is a witch who is experimenting with potions. His little brother Tommy sneaks in to mess with the potions and accidentally shrinks himself.

Httyd Au: an au of how to train your dragon, where the dragons are giant dragon hybrids. Still g/t. Tubbo is Hiccup, Tommy is Astrid (no romance obv), Ranboo is Toothless, Wilbur is also a dragon, and Phil and Techno are the leaders of the village. Dream is the giant boss dragon at the end of the movie.

G/t Revivebur au: is the name for both tiny revivebur au and giant revivebur au. Au where Wilbur is a different size in limbo and has to deal with being a different size when he's revived.

Bedrock borrowers au: Tommy and Techno are borrowers that live in the walls of an apartment complex. Phil and Wilbur are two of the humans that they borrow from. They set out glue traps when they think they have mice, and Tommy gets stuck in one.

Itsy bitsy drider au: Ranboo is a tiny drider that's lived alone for years. Tommy and Tubbo move into the house he's in, and catch him one day.

Rantooz au: the Ranboo yootooz box has a small surprise inside :D

unnamed au: everyone knows not to go too far into the forest. those that do often don’t return.

Currently on ao3:

Glass ceiling au: Ranboo is a borrower who's caught and shoved in a bottle. He's sold at a market, which is where Techno finds him. Techno buys him to rescue him, and brings him home where he and Phil live. Ranboo is very nervous at first, but Techno and Phil do their best to make him feel at ease.

Earthbound Spirits au: Wilbur, Ranboo, and Phil are a family of borrowers that live in Technoblade's house. While Phil and Ranboo are pretty cautious, Wilbur is more of a risk-taker. Hopefully that won't get him into too much trouble...

Oneshots:

Hide 'n Sleep: Wilbur is a giant with a magic pocket dimension called an 'inventory'. When his family and friends are cold during the winter, he decides to help them out by sticking them in his inventory. A friendly game of hide and seek ensues.

Lonely Nights: story for blurrybunnie! prompt: "cold nights are the best time for cuddles, but can it really be called cuddles when the giant is unaware of the tiny stealing their warmth?"

Noms

Content that contains soft, safe, nonsexual vore. Usually the vore is about comfort, fear, or both.

Drider Au: Wilbur is a giant drider that lives in a forest that as far as he knows is far from any human villages. A human teen (Tommy) wanders into his nest somehow, getting trapped in the webs. Wilbur can't understand him, and he can't let him go or he'll be killed by the other monsters in the forest. So he keeps Tommy wrapped up so he can't escape and tries to learn the human language.

Shipwrecked au: Tommy is tossed overboard during a storm, and rescued by a giant mer, Phil. Since they're miles and miles away from the nearest shore, Phil decides to take him home. He swallows him, putting him in a pouch mer have to hold their children before they develop gills. He takes him back to where he and Wilbur live. Niki is their human friend and is able to explain things better to Tommy.

Nom Therapy: being eaten, or nommed, is a completely safe, common form of therapy or even recreation. Ranboo is referred to a therapy nom establishment where he is nommed for the first time by Tubbo. Other characters also are regularly nommed.

Face of Peace au: Tommy is part of a village that offended the royal family a century ago. Ranboo is the current prince who has been sent to accept the village’s apology. He isn’t expecting an entire person, Tommy, as a sacrifice. 

Non G/t

These are just my ordinary aus, stuff that either doesn't contain g/t or that doesn't have a focus on it.

Humans are weird au: basically just a mcyt version of the humans are weird/humans are space orc stuff that you can find. Techno is a human, the galaxy's most terrifying creature, SBI and beeduo are aliens. Dream, Foolish, and Niki are also humans.

where to find the tags? here

[codetrainwreck]

Cs’ World, Geass fragments, and the ending of Re;surrection

Long post is long.

Reviewing Ragnarok

First off, let’s refresh what has happened in the anime with Cs’ World. During R2, CC says that “Cs’ World is also called the Collective Unconscious, some call it God”. This definition has seemingly changed during the movie, but honestly the fact it changed isn’t really important, it just makes this line weird in retrospect.

The Collective Unconscious is made up of all of the people who ever lived, hence why Charles and Marianne keep telling Lelouch and Suzaku, “you can talk to the dead!” etc, and also explains why Charles has a line where he says, “past present and future, there has only ever been one person”. Charles’s plan in R2 was “kill God” by adding humans to God (like... they literally show chains of humans being shoved into Jupiter). For this plan, Charles required at least one Code, but two Codes to make it 100% successful. Lelouch called his plan stagnation and “a closed world”. Lelouch tries to prevent his dad from “killing God” by requesting a tomorrow and allowing time to continue ticking.

The result of asking for a tomorrow

During the movie, in the scene in the truck, CC’s dialogue reveals that when Lelouch asked for a tomorrow, he killed God. To phrase it backwards, Lelouch did the same thing his dad was trying to do, but in a different way. In her convo wKallen, CC also attributes Lelouch’s wish for a tomorrow as to why she can no longer enter Cs’ World. However, when CC finally enters Cs’ World, this assumption turns out to be incorrect and she corrects herself in her own dialogue and identifies the real reason why she couldn’t Cs’ World freely.

When CC enters Cs’ World for the first time during the prison sequence, she remarks on how everyone’s individual consciousness (this is honestly probably not how you’re supposed to use this word, but it’s 1am) is scattered around, but they aren’t moving anywhere or doing anything. So, when Lelouch killed God, he did the opposite of what his dad was trying to do. Charles wanted to kill God by adding humans to it. Lelouch killed God by requesting a future, and this caused the consciousnesses of the dead people in the collective to split apart. Since they were a collective before, this would make them individuals now, hence CC’s dialogue.

In the convo w/Kallen in the truck, CC attributes Lelouch’s wish and him killing God as to why she can’t enter Cs’ World freely anymore. However, when she actually gets to Cs’ World, she finds a spooky purple orb with the shadows of Marianne and Charles, and deduces that it’s actually Charles who was preventing her. In her dialogue, she likens him to a wall; a divide between the “meta” world and the “real” world.

Don’t leave your heart behind

While floating through Cs’ World, CC begs Charles, “don’t leave your heart behind”. Funimation I believe translated it as like, “stop this already”? For the context she says it in, there’s nothing wrong with this translation. I am noting this because this line comes up again later but Funimation translated it completely different when it comes up here.

Spooky clouds

During CC and Lelouch’s time in Cs’ World, there are spooky black-orange-gray clusters of stuff that come out and try to swallow Lelouch and separate him from CC. The pamphlet for the movie describes this sequence as, “Lelouch being surrounded by human consciousnesses in Cs’ World”. Putting 1+2 together, Charles’s influence on Cs’ World must give him the ability to move the consciousness around.

In Lelouch’s words, Charles’s wish was to stagnate time, so I think it makes sense that now that Charles has influence on the consciousnesses scattered in Cs’ World, he would choose to make them freeze in place (remember how CC saw them when she enters and she comments about consciousnesses not moving around? Lelouch’s wish was for a tomorrow, and I sincerely don’t believe people’s souls would be frozen in place in a post-Lelouch’s wish world). And, upon finding Lelouch, the source of all of this bullshit for Charles, Charles’s influence would also cause the souls to try and swallow Lelouch.

It all links back to what CC says - Charles just can’t let Lelouch go.

The shadows in Cs’ World

After CC flies through Cs’ World, she reaches her hand out to Lelouch, but seemingly can’t reach him. Suddenly, a sequence with shadows that take human shape also throw out their hands. Recall that Cs’ World was previously occupied by the Collective Unconscious, and the Collective Unconscious was made up of the souls of everyone who ever lived and died.

The shadows we see here are easily identified as multiple dead characters from Code Geass. The first one is Euphy, the second is Rolo. Others seen are executed members of the Kyoto group, OG BKs Inoue and Yoshida, Urabe and Senba from the 4 Holy Swords, and a last figure that doesn’t seem as recognizable (maybe it’s Clovis....... he waited for you, Lelouch). These figures all reach their hands out, as if they were symbolically reaching towards or helping CC reach Lelouch. The last shadow we see is Charles’s, and he doesn’t throw his hand out of course as he’s still trying to block CC.

As an aside: Was Lelouch accidentally breaking down the Collective Unconscious into individual souls a bad thing? Knowing that this work was made in Japan (a collectivist society), I would honestly say... no, I don’t think so. It actually appears to have been a good thing. Like, honestly, the movie itself enforces the idea that this is positive, both through the way the shadows representing individuals save Lelouch here, as well as another sequence later in the ending.

Shamna’s plot with Cs’ World

Shamna’s plot in the movie is that has kidnapped Nunnally. She says during her dialogue that Lelouch fucked up Cs’ World and that Nunnally has the same wavelengths of Charles.

What does this all mean? Well, recall that in the TV show, Charles needed 2 Codes to successfully do the thing and make the Ragnarok Connection happen. Or rather, there was a chance of success with 1 Code, but it was 100% success with 2 Codes. Shamna has one code (a lot of English viewers seemingly missed this, but Shamna has a Code on her lower belly...), and then she collects Nunnally because “she has the same wavelengths as Charles”.

Seemingly, while this is not literally said in the movie, I think the implication is that Shamna, like Charles, would require 2 Codes to do what she wants to do to Cs’ World, but she doesn’t have a second Code, so she’s trying to use Nunnally as a make-shift Code.

I think the movie also supports the idea of Nunnally as a “make-shift second Code” during the ending.

Shamna’s chat with CC in Cs’ World

When CC speaks with Shamna, CC tells her, “don’t leave your heart behind”. (Funimation translated this as something about regrets, which honestly is better than heart IMO. Regrets is a more contextual word, both in the instance w/Shamna and Charles.) Anyway, as we saw before, Charles warped Cs’ World and caused the souls there to freeze. So this line of CC’s to Shamna reads like CC is telling her not to fuck up Cs’ World like how Charles did.

And, as we see later, we’re led to believe that Shamna took this advice from CC.

The rainbow hands that save Lelouch and Nunnally

While CC talks to Shamna, Lelouch goes off on his own and finds Nunnally. As they stare at the gray ball in the distance, Lelouch calls it the hearts of many (smth like regrets of many in Funi tl).

After finding her, the orange-gray Charles stuff come out of nowhere and attacks him again. I think this just serves as a reminder that, again, these things are here to mess w/Lelouch because of Charles’s influence on Cs’ World. Like... Shamna used Nunnally to get in to Cs’ World and the Charles influence kept Nunnally there as a way to bait in Lelouch. Blah blah.

At this point, Lelouch and Nunnally are being swallowed, Lelouch calls his Geass his own sin (I believe the context for this is that Nunnally wanted to use FLEIJAs to “wipe away Lelouch’s sins”; perhaps her thoughts and guilt also warped Cs’ World?), and rainbow hands form around them. Nunnally has a realization of some kind that causes her to start crying, and Lelouch remarks, “Ah, so they’ve saved me again?”

“Again” as in, recall when the individual shadows reached out for Lelouch alongside CC. They were the shadows of Euphy, Rolo, and many others. Lelouch is saying that those people have all saved him once more. How do we know for sure? I mean, I think “Euphy is here now” gives context to Nunnally’s facial expressions during this part. Also Taniguchi was being coy about this at Sakuracon and said, “no comment about who helped Lelouch but hey Euphy miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight be part of it” as a person with a Euphy tattoo specifically asked about Euphy’s involvement.

So, erm, rainbows beat dad...?

What’s more is that this rainbow sequence seemingly dispels all of Charles from Cs’ World. But... what exactly does it mean now that the power of rainbows exercised Charles from Cs’ World?

CC said before that she can’t get into Cs’ World. She later identified this was because of Charles. If Charles’s bullshit is gone now, does this mean she can freely enter Cs’ World again? And since Lelouch has a Code, does that mean he can freely enter Cs’ World? And, furthermore, if people can freely enter Cs’ World, does that mean that immortality is back? After all, CC attributed her access to Cs’ World as being tied to her immortality in the conversation with Kallen.

I assume these things will be addressed in whatever Code Geass thing is next...? Or not.

How does one do things to Cs’ World anyway?

Why did the rainbows appear anyway? As we see in the movie, Shamna attempted to use Nunnally as a make-shift Code. In this sequence, we have Lelouch (one Code) + Nunnally (make-shift Code), and they seemingly affect Cs’ World once they are united together. Perhaps that’s why? Or is it more related to Lelouch’s dialogue about his sins?

In the anime, they don’t really define why Lelouch’s wish is accepted by Cs’ World either. For example, since he has there with 2 Code users (Charles + CC) and you need 2 Codes to do stuff, perhaps that’s why Cs’ World took the request for a tomorrow. I’ve always been a fan of the idea that Cs’ World willingly took the request because it’s a pile of dead people who probably died w/regrets, w/o being able to accomplish things, etc. But really, Code Geass really doesn’t touch on its metaphysical realm much.

Fragments of Geass

As CC chats with Shamna, Shamna expresses her desire to stay in Cs’ World and see Shalio when he dies. Shalio dies pretty shortly after, and immediately after his death, we see a sequence in Cs’ World (you know it’s Cs’ World from the setting) where Shamna screams after his death then turns into a black-gray orb.

Corresponding with Shamna’s body being blown up in the temple (recall Lelouch set an explosion), her orb in Cs’ World explodes as well, causing things to rain over the sky. When CC and Lelouch talk at the end, CC says she is going to collect the fragments of Geass left behind by Shamna. Based on the appearance, I think the “Geass fragment shower” is supposed to symbolic of tears, and represents Shamna mourning Shalio.

Recall that CC had also told Shamna, “don’t leave your heart behind” aka “don’t fuck up Cs’ World like Charles did”. This is seemingly the result of that - she wanted to stay and await Shalio, Shalio died, and then rather than staying behind in Cs’ World and warping it as Charles did, she heeded CC’s words, turned into an orb and then unleashed a bunch of Geass fragments in the physical world and is about to create a bunch of new Geass users which LL and CC will deal with for the next 10 years.

I... guess...? If there are this many Geass users, it’ll be like a Pokedex of Geass users or JoJo’s but a new Geass user of the week.

Why can she cry tears of Geass? Idk, but one would assume it’s related to Cs’ World. Perhaps it’s related to Lelouch saying that his Geass is his own sin. Perhaps the # of fragments / # of meta-tears is related to the # of people Shamna has sacrificed, or the # of times Shalio has died and she went back 6 hours to save him.

The post-credits scene

In the post-credits scene, LL seems to be offering someone a Geass contract, but with 2 differences from the speech CC gave him. He states that the power of kings MAY isolate you, and that if you aren’t prepared then your Geass will be taken from you.

Seemingly, this scene is set up so that LL and CC are looking down at a pile of corpses in a ditch. There are fans who think that LL and CC killed these people. However, as alch observed, there is actually a girl attempting to climb out of the pit. With this context in mind, LL is offering her a contract, mirroring the sequence where he too was on the verge of death and CC offered him one.

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/whats-behind-our-appetite-for-self-destruction/

What's behind our appetite for self-destruction?

Each new year, people vow to put an end to self-destructive habits like smoking, overeating or overspending.

And how many times have we learned of someone – a celebrity, a friend or a loved one – who committed some self-destructive act that seemed to defy explanation? Think of the criminal who leaves a trail of evidence, perhaps with the hope of getting caught, or the politician who wins an election, only to start sexting someone likely to expose him.

Why do they do it?

Edgar Allan Poe, one of America’s greatest – and most self-destructive – writers, had some thoughts on the subject. He even had a name for the phenomenon: “perverseness.” Psychologists would later take the baton from Poe and attempt to decipher this enigma of the human psyche.

Irresistible depravity

In one of his lesser-known works, “The Imp of the Perverse,” Poe argues that knowing something is wrong can be “the one unconquerable force” that makes us do it.

It seems that the source of this psychological insight was Poe’s own life experience. Orphaned before he was three years old, he had few advantages. But despite his considerable literary talents, he consistently managed to make his lot even worse.

He frequently alienated editors and other writers, even accusing poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow of plagiarism in what has come to be known as the “Longfellow war.” During important moments, he seemed to implode: On a trip to Washington, D.C. to secure support for a proposed magazine and perhaps a government job, he apparently drank too much and made a fool of himself.

According to Edgar Allen Poe, knowing something is wrong can make it irresistible. Wikimedia Commons

After nearly two decades of scraping out a living as an editor and earning little income from his poetry and fiction, Poe finally achieved a breakthrough with “The Raven,” which became an international sensation after its publication in 1845.

But when given the opportunity to give a reading in Boston and capitalize on this newfound fame, Poe didn’t read a new poem, as requested.

Instead, he reprised a poem from his youth: the long-winded, esoteric and dreadfully boring “Al Aaraaf,” renamed “The Messenger Star.”

As one newspaper reported, “it was not appreciated by the audience,” evidenced by “their uneasiness and continual exits in numbers at a time.”

Poe’s literary career stalled for the remaining four years of his short life.

Freud’s ‘death drive’

While “perverseness” wrecked Poe’s life and career, it nonetheless inspired his literature.

It figures prominently in “The Black Cat,” in which the narrator executes his beloved cat, explaining, “I…hung it with the tears streaming from my eyes, and with the bitterest remorse at my heart…hung it because I knew that in so doing I was committing a sin – a deadly sin that would so jeopardise my immortal soul as to place it – if such a thing were possible – even beyond the reach of the infinite mercy of the Most Merciful and Most Terrible God.”

Why would a character knowingly commit “a deadly sin”? Why would someone destroy something that he loved?

Was Poe onto something? Did he possess a penetrating insight into the counterintuitive nature of human psychology?

A half-century after Poe’s death, Sigmund Freud wrote of a universal and innate “death drive” in humans, which he called “Thanatos” and first introduced in his landmark 1919 essay “Beyond the Pleasure Principle.”

Sigmund Freud wrote of a universal death drive, which he dubbed ‘Thanatos.’ Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA

Many believe Thanatos refers to unconscious psychological urges toward self-destruction, manifested in the kinds of inexplicable behavior shown by Poe and – in extreme cases – in suicidal thinking.

In the early 1930s, physicist Albert Einstein wrote to Freud to ask his thoughts on how further war might be prevented. In his response, Freud wrote that Thanatos “is at work in every living creature and is striving to bring it to ruin and to reduce life to its original condition of inanimate matter” and referred to it as a “death instinct.”

To Freud, Thanatos was an innate biological process with significant mental and emotional consequences – a response to, and a way to relieve, unconscious psychological pressure.

Toward a modern understanding

In the 1950s, the psychology field underwent the “cognitive revolution,” in which researchers started exploring, in experimental settings, how the mind operates, from decision-making to conceptualization to deductive reasoning.

Self-defeating behavior came to be considered less a cathartic response to unconscious drives and more the unintended result of deliberate calculus.

In 1988, psychologists Roy Baumeister and Steven Scher identified three main types of self-defeating behavior: primary self-destruction, or behavior designed to harm the self; counterproductive behavior, which has good intentions but ends up being accidentally ineffective and self-destructive; and trade-off behavior, which is known to carry risk to the self but is judged to carry potential benefits that outweigh those risks.

Think of drunk driving. If you knowingly consume too much alcohol and get behind the wheel with the intent to get arrested, that’s primary self-destruction. If you drive drunk because you believe you’re less intoxicated than your friend, and – to your surprise – get arrested, that’s counterproductive. And if you know you’re too drunk to drive, but you drive anyway because the alternatives seem too burdensome, that’s a trade-off.

Baumeister and Scher’s review concluded that primary self-destruction has actually rarely been demonstrated in scientific studies.

Rather, the self-defeating behavior observed in such research is better categorized, in most cases, as trade-off behavior or counterproductive behavior. Freud’s “death drive” would actually correspond most closely to counterproductive behavior: The “urge” toward destruction isn’t consciously experienced.

Finally, as psychologist Todd Heatherton has shown, the modern neuroscientific literature on self-destructive behavior most frequently focuses on the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with planning, problem solving, self-regulation and judgment.

When this part of the brain is underdeveloped or damaged, it can result in behavior that appears irrational and self-defeating. There are more subtle differences in the development of this part of the brain: Some people simply find it easier than others to engage consistently in positive goal-directed behavior.

Poe certainly didn’t understand self-destructive behavior the way we do today.

But he seems to have recognized something perverse in his own nature. Before his untimely death in 1849, he reportedly chose an enemy, the editor Rufus Griswold, as his literary executor.

True to form, Griswold wrote a damning obituary and “Memoir,” in which he alludes to madness, blackmail and more, helping to formulate an image of Poe that has tainted his reputation to this day.

Then again, maybe that’s exactly what Poe – driven by his own personal imp – wanted.

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[robotlesbianjavert]

*invasive asks, don't have to answer if you don't want* I keep wondering what is the appeal of slasher movies (nothing wrong with them, just not my thing)? I never read The Cursed Child, what's that about and what do you like about it?

these are good questions don’t worry xoxo

a) i can’t actually explain my penchant for slasher movies in a tumblr-wise moral manner, bc obviously slasher is a genre that tends to be filled with shit like fetishization and a demonization of mental illness and whatever else i can’t list it all right now it’s just a very flawed genre.  so i can’t really discuss it on that kind of intellectually moral level - they are very much a guilty pleasure that i feel i’m permitted.

the thing is that they are such a cheesy b-movie genre that it’s hard to be feel supremely guilty about it?  obviously they’ve gained some mainstream focus that necessitates serious discussion about various harmful shit going on, and i could go more into it if prompted and if i consider myself capable, but they are also SO DUMB.  not dumb some are smart-ish but you always know what to expect from them, you can always expect some dumb caricatures to get slaughtered, expect some final girl expy to limp their way to survival, you can expect the build up, and if there’s a surprise then that’s just an extra treat.  i guess it’s kind of cathartic, being able to exorcise some of my more serious anxieties through them, even when they get positively decadent in the blood and gore and sadism

i guess that while i also like horror as a general genre and am super happy to discuss horror films that take themselves more seriously (ie babadook, get out, that kind of stuff i sincerely believe that horror has great potential for commentary that often gets overlooked or underdeveloped), it’s a bit easier to latch onto singular slasher villains fandom-wise (your michael’s and jason’s and i guess the freddy’s altho freddy can go choke) than it is for more concept-based horrors, bc you don’t NECESSARILY have to take them seriously and you can just have some fun with them (altho they do have their place in a serious discussion, like how michael and jason are horrors that stalk otherwise safe environments, or how freddy is literally thematically about violation)

it’s hard to really explain in a justifiable way rather than a guilty-pleasure way, and i can’t really argue that i’m somehow a morally superior person for liking them and i don’t want to bc that’s dumb and exhausting.  they just tend to be fun i guess.

b) okay so what cursed child is about is essentially the relationship between harry and his son, albus severus, and how they are both essentially similar in ways that, coupled with harry’s complicated legacy and upbringing, drive them apart and eventually bring them back together, particularly in their opinions on hogwarts - this results in albus jr attempting to one-up his father via what albus understands as his first failure (cedric’s death) through time travel.  things escalate from there.

honestly i think that cursed child is a really important continuation of the themes and lessons from the main harry potter series in a more grown-up sense, and i really hate how it’s been spoiled on this site by a bunch of dumb spoilers that never fit well out of context.

like part of the problem i think is that a lot of ppl online tend to a) overidealize harry as some sassy angel child and b) try to freeze him at 11-17 years old rather than consider how his adolescent experiences might map onto who is is as an adult father.  so when he says “sometimes i wish you weren’t my son”, they decide to ignore the context leading up to that moment (albus essentially needling and baiting harry and accidentally touching upon triggers relating to his past abuse, and the two of them essentially having two different conversations) and then everything afterwards (harry’s horror and guilt over speaking in a moment of anger and spite, as he was prone to in the main series, and his desperation to protect and apologize to albus in a time where he’s triggered for a sustained period of time and afraid that his greatest enemy is somehow returning), and decide to declare that jkr must not know her own characters if she dares to write harry as a “bad dad”.  as much as ppl like to try and discuss how terrible it was for harry to suffer abuse at the dursley’s, they sure seem to want to underestimate how it affects him in the long run.  and by fuck does cursed child dig into what harry went through with the dursley’s, particularly petunia!  he’s having nightmares about her and this gets discussed and ppl still like to act like this play misrepresents how he suffered!  it’s so fucking stupid!

i guess i also can’t really lie - i initially bought into all the bad hype surrounding the play when spoilers were released, tho i hope in a more muted way than a lot of ppl i followed, and i only really got interested when i read a particularly moving think-piece about snape, and then i knew i had to have it bc i cannot stress enough how snape was One Of Those Characters that i latched onto in my childhood, and how it felt good to be a bit vindicated in the face of how this website trashes him.  also i cried a lot w snape bc it’s such good closure for his character, it helps you understand how his character potentially developed in the light of the main series, and also i got a better understanding of dumbledore too like you got the impression after the kings cross chapter in dh but when he admitted his insecurities re: how he only hurts the ppl he loves in cc?  it literally like blew his character wide open for me, it really helped me piece together a lot of the things i was unsure about with him.  so i also think it provides a lot of retroactive understanding and clarification of the characters that some ppl like to deliberately misinterpret for notes 

also ppl’s complaints about the time-travel plots are fucking stupid to be perfectly honest, esp in comparison to POA.  first off, poa did hint that it’s possible to change the timeline, cc established that we are working with very different time-travel tools than in poa, and thirdly in poa time-travel was a plot device and in cc it’s a thematic device so who even gives a fuck honestly.

basically: i think the play is a vital and important continuation and conclusion of the original series and its thematic elements, and if ppl don’t like then what the fuck ever but at least they can try to dislike it on legitimate grounds rather than things they heard secondhand or deliberately misinterpreted/decided didn’t fit with their headcanon

i can actually talk like.  a lot about this play bc there was a lot of what i liked and what i think tumblr should like if everyone could carefully remove their heads from their asses.  there are a few things i think could have been improved (while i don’t think it was necessarily baiting, i do believe scorpius/albus was a sorely missed opportunity), the play is more positive than it negative and i would kill to see it onstage.  i guess if ppl don’t like reading script it’s fine but honestly i loved the script, but i’m also fairly used to reading script so idk

also it justified my belief that hermione would be an awful teacher and i feel vindicated even tho i have not seen anyone talk about it tbh

also it made my mother cry (in a good way) and she loved it and that’s literally all the assurance anyone should need. my mom’s a good person and everyone should trust her.

[dawnajaynes32]

James Paterson, Digital Frontiers

Developer, programmer, artist, designer. Mad scientist?

Call James Paterson what you want, but one thing’s for sure: his creativity knows no boundaries. Paterson started using Flash in early 1997, and made a career out of pushing the medium and his creations into new, exciting, and evocative territories.

He’s been a part of the web’s past and present, and will undoubtedly be a part of the digital future that’s yet to come, although it’ll happen without one of his favorite tools: Flash. In the very near future, the platform and web plugin will no longer be supported by Adobe. Like others who used Flash, Paterson has lamented the coming of the end. “I think because I grew up with it as my primary set of creative tools it was really a part of me. I had spent well over 10 years perfecting my craft with it, and had a setup that was like an extension of my mind and body. It took years to relearn everything and port as much of my world as possible to JavaScript.”

James Paterson, photo by Jonathan Chang.

Paterson’s studio, where the magic happens.

But he’s a realist too.

“Ultimately the switch to JavaScript was good and healthy… it’s a much broader medium and allowed me to take my craft to all sorts of new places.” And there’s no turning back, all for the better. Paterson has broken into new digital territories, pushing the boundaries of augmented reality (AR) with #normanvr and other digital platforms. He took time out of his busy schedule to answer some questions about AR, developer tools, the web, Flash, and a (possible) future for Flash.

VR (virtual reality) sculpting has become a major focus for Paterson. “It’s sort of a natural progression of my drawing process, popped into 3D, thanks to the hands-on-ness of VR.”

Q. Who were the Flash artists, designers, and developers you admired during the early days of Flash, and why?

In the very early days there wasn’t much going on that I could find made using Flash. There were some ultra-early Shockwave/Director sites, notably Antirom (Tomato Interactive) and Noodlebox (Danny Brown) which caught my attention in the late 90s. Then when Flash started to pick up in 1998-99 I saw a little piece of open source by praystation (Joshua Davis) that revealed how to create a “frame loop” where code could run across time. That was my very first introduction to code as a kind of living breathing thing. I’ve been thankful to Josh for that kickstart into code ever since. Some other characters from the early Flash days who influenced me hugely were Amit Pitaru, Yugo Nakamura & Erik Natzke.

Q. How would you describe what you called code as a living breathing thing and that frame loop that Joshua Davis made?

Up until that point I had only used very contained “actions” to perform a bit of control over my animations. Things like clicking buttons to stop, play and jump around through animations. The “frame loop” that I saw in Josh’s open-source showed some code sitting on frame 1, then an action on frame 2 saying “go back and play frame 1 again!” This was the first time I saw a game loop/tick/enter-frame in action and it blew my mind. Learning to code can be intimidating, and baby-stepping my way in as Flash slowly progressed to become a more full-powered development tool gave me a very comfortable on-ramp. Seeing Josh’s frame loop was where something shifted in my mind from being about simple actions triggered by discrete user events like mouse clicks, to being a fluid dynamic system that was constantly shifting and changing over time.

Q. As Flash became more and more popular, you’d see Flash used for expressive, experimental, and artistic purposes. Plenty of sites would also use Flash with the entire site needing the Flash plugin, or it would just have Flash components such as menus or images or animations. Where would you put yourself on that spectrum of Flash artwork versus Flash functional work, and why?

I primarily used flash as a personal art medium. Specifically, my area of interest was bringing drawings to life through a combination of animation and code. I would draw endlessly in my sketchbook, then pick my favorite drawings to expand into living, breathing pieces of interactive work using animation and code. This eventually matured into building custom creative tools (something I did a lot in collaboration with Amit Pitaru) and also getting into more game-like territory. The further I went down this path the more I had to study programming and take it seriously. I was continuously outgrowing my technical ability and having to pause (sometimes for years at a time) to learn more before I could continue.

The more comfortable I got with the medium and programming in general, the more I would take on contracts doing “functional” jobs as you put it. Basically I would spend as long as humanly possible making my own work, then when I was sufficiently broke I would take on commercial gigs doing more practical stuff with the skills I had developed in my personal endeavors. These commercial projects could sometimes be challenging and satisfying, but were usually just a way for me to pay the bills so I could get back to the main event: making weird personal work.

Chalk on chalkboard, from a wall in Paterson’s studio. “They are a combination of stream of consciousness/automatic drawing (a process I call psychic vomit) and plans/code for whatever I’m working on.”

A mural by Paterson in the parking lot of B-Reel Los Angeles.

Q. When you first heard about Flash being phased out, what was your reaction?

Flash was phased out slowly over a number of years, and while I could feel it happening I was still very much invested in it as a creative tool. The final blow was dealt by Steve Jobs in 2010, in his open letter Thoughts on Flash. My reaction was split down the middle. On one side, I agreed with Jobs about how inappropriate Flash was for making websites. I didn’t like Flash sites any more than the next person and was happy that they would be going the way of the Dodo.

But on the other hand, that was not what I used Flash for. For me it was my primary art tool. So with my own creative process, my reaction was one of deep sadness and loss. I had invested well over a decade developing workflows in Flash that were perfectly suited to me. I creatively grew up alongside Flash, so much so that it felt like a part of me. Once I read that letter by Jobs I knew it was totally over, and in some ways if felt like someone had come into my beloved studio, full of all my most intimate creative tools and processes, and burned the place down.

I know that sounds dramatic, but it really did feel that way at the time. I had to completely reinvent myself technically and creatively over the following half-decade, porting as much of my process to JavaScript as possible. This was a huge growth experience for me, facing that loss and then rebuilding.

Q. Are you still developing for Flash, in any way, be it with Adobe Animate CC or something else?

I occasionally animate using Adobe Animate, then drive those animations with JavaScript, but it is somewhat rare these days. It’s still a great animation tool, but I’ve moved on to other places and broadened my horizons in terms of tools and workflows.

Q. From curators I’ve spoken with, you’ve begun to work in AR and VR spaces. How are those platforms allowing you to push your visions and experiments further, and in what ways did Flash prepare you for the spaces you’re working in today?

AR and VR have been a fascinating to me ever since reading Neuromancer by William Gibson and other cyberpunk stuff as a kid. When it finally matured enough to really work, with Vive and Rift, I jumped right in. One of the main projects I’ve done in this area was to take my favorite parts of animating in Flash and create my own open source VR animation tool from scratch, called Norman. This was an incredible experience and such a fun way to carry some of the old school flash frame-by-frame lineage forward into the present. I used JavaScript to code Norman, and it runs on the web (WebVR) for Oculus Rift.

            View this post on Instagram

                    Gonna miss you Gord #gorddownieforever

A post shared by James Paterson (@presstube) on Oct 18, 2017 at 1:05pm PDT

Q. At what point did you leave Halfempty, and when you decided to do so, what did working independently enable you to do that you had not done before?

I started Presstube in 1999 as a way to just get a fresh start after working on Halfempty for the previous few years. I had a wonderful experience working on Halfempty with Marty Spellerberg in 1997–98. He was the first person to turn me on to Flash actually! But in 1999 it felt like the right thing to do to break away and do my own thing. Halfempty was more of a magazine curating the work of many different people, and I just wanted to descend into my own creative rabbit hole.

Q. What did getting published mean to you, especially being in such great company in the book New Masters of Flash?

It was a huge honor to be invited to contribute alongside all the amazing people in that book. Also just getting to share my process with others was a thrill.

Drawings by James Paterson

Q. What (possible) future do you see for Flash after 2020, when Adobe will end support of the plugin, and how would you want to be involved with Flash when it’s outmoded?

I’m not sure that Flash has any future to be honest, except to be remembered as a platform which acted as a catalyst for a sort of Cambrian explosion of creativity at the dawn of the internet. I will continue to draw on it to inform my workflows moving into the future, and try to rebuild my favorite old school Flash workflows from scratch.

Q. When the final nail goes into the coffin, how will you remember Flash?

Flash was at the heart of an open and switched on creative community in the early days of the web. It introduced a lot of non-technical creative people to the art of programming, and did so in an accidentally perfect gradual manner. It was the source of much frustration for users when it was used to build entire websites or aggressive banner ads, but for a small group of early creative technologists it was a profoundly inspiring and mind expanding technology. Thank you, Macromedia and Adobe, for that glorious ugly duckling of a creative platform!

Keep track of what James Paterson is up to on his Instagram.

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Edited from a series of electronic interviews.

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