#the closest i got was when i was coming up w my free! polo au and had to do like actual research for that

[reikunrei]

i say i love horses (because i do. very much. they mean everything to me) but i really don’t know Shit about them

[dr-gloom]

College Parties Never Amount to Anything Good

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: none

Words: 2,036

Tags/Warnings: drinking, rapping, college AU, Human AU

Summary: Roman thought they all needed a chance to unwind after a stressful semester. So what was his natural first choice? A college party.

Enjoy!

Read it on AO3

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Roman had thought it’d be a good idea. They’d all needed to let loose and have a good time; Roman had just finished the last production of the play he was in, Logan had finally turned in the research paper he’d been working on all semester, Virgil had been so stressed from classes and being a tech in the play that he was having panic attacks in class, and Patton had had a rough week of childcare fieldwork (he loved those little kiddos, but sometimes they could really be a piece of work). So, when Roman heard about a party his co-star was holding at their rather large apartment on the more... affluent side of town, he knew he had to drag the other three along. 

Patton had been easy to convince. As tired as he was from working with some rather difficult kids that week, he was always up for a fun party with his “Theater Kiddos” as he referred to them affectionately. It’d been a while since he’d seen any of them since they’d all been so busy with the play, so he was more than happy to agree to a party. Besides, he reasoned, they all needed a break from being college students to just be young adults, and this was the perfect way to unwind in a (relatively) safe environment.

Virgil had vehemently objected to it. Roman was expecting that of course; even on his best days Virgil hated large social gatherings. Roman had followed him around campus and the dorms for three days, begging him to come along and promising he’d have fun (he’d gotten Patton to bug him when the two were in their shared dorm room). Virgil finally caved when Roman promised he’d let Virgil buy whatever he wanted from the Disney store. No price limit; Roman trusted Virgil to not bleed him dry.

Logan had been the hardest to convince. Logically, he saw no point in going to a party where his peers would be listening to loud obnoxious music and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Roman had told him that Patton and Virgil were coming along too, but Logan wasn’t one to cave to peer pressure. He wanted to use his new-found free time to catch up on sleep he’d missed, and it would take a very good reason to get him to change his plans. Roman casually told Logan that if he didn’t come, Roman would tell Virgil that Logan was the one who stole his old hoodie. Logan caves to blackmail surprisingly easy, Roman found out.

So, Roman had met the other three at the front desk of their dorm hall, grinning triumphantly as they approached. Roman wore a soft red cotton shirt, with black skinnies and red high-tops (each decorated with a gold crown decal). Patton skipped up to Roman in a light blue V-neck, jeans, and light blue converse covered in sharpie doodles. Logan followed behind at a measured pace, dressed exactly as he always is (which confused Roman – Logan had still been getting ready when he left their room); black polo, dark-wash jeans, and navy-blue vans. Virgil brought up the back in his custom-made hoodie, a purple V-neck, and black skinnies tucked into black high-top vans with purple laces. The four men head out the door, chatting as Roman leads them to his co-star’s apartment.

The apartment was loud and crowded. Roman had quickly lost track of Patton. Logan had located the couch and sat down, flatly refusing to move, eat, or drink at all. Virgil was practically glued to Roman’s side, occasionally talking with someone nearby (usually a fellow techy). Roman took the first cup thrust into his hands, drinking the poorly-mixed drink, his laughter becoming louder and more carefree the longer he walked around. At some point he’d lost track of Virgil, but by the time he’d realized this he was buzzed and couldn’t find it in him to worry all that much. What? He’d had a hard month too.

He’d been wandering around the apartment for a couple hours when he finally found (read: remembered he was looking for) Patton. The jovial fatherly figure was obviously very drunk, standing on the coffee table in nothing but his shoes and boxers, swinging his pants around and laughing loudly while people cheered. It took Roman a moment to comprehend what he was seeing (and another moment to get over the fact that fuck, Patton is hot) before he rushes forward, reaching up to get Patton’s attention. He grabs Patton’s arm, and the ECE major looks down with pink cheeks and a goofy smile, his face lighting up when he realizes who’s next to him.

“Roman!!! Guys, guys! This is Roman. Isn’t he amazing???” The other students standing around (who all knew Roman and Patton) just laugh, confusing Patton slightly. Roman, now more sober than he really cared to be, purses his lips and tugs lightly on Patton’s arm as Patton takes a cup from someone nearby and downs the liquid, making everyone laugh when he winces. “Come on Padre, you’ve had enough. Time to get down, you’re being cut off.” Patton pouts and the crowd boos, but one look from Roman has them all silent. Patton gets down, and Roman helps him to put his pants back on. Neither of them can find his shirt, though.

Roman makes Patton hold onto the belt loops of his pants as they walk around looking for the others. If Patton was this drunk, he didn’t want to think about how bad off the other two were. One of the tech crew (Elliott? Roman thinks that’s their name) approaches him, an obvious look of concern on their face. “Ah, hey Roman… We kind of need your help.” They glance over their shoulder, and Roman frowns. “What is it?”

“Well… We got Virgil drunk, and…”

Roman feels a pit of dread grow in his stomach. “Where is he?” Elliott leads Roman and Patton (who is now a little more sober, and worried about “my dark strange son…”) to the back room, where most of the techies are hanging out, sitting and laying on various surfaces. Virgil is sitting on the sink of the attached bathroom, crying his eyes out with great, heaving sobs, two other techies trying to calm him down. Patton makes a worried sound in the back of his throat and lets go of Roman’s belt loops, stumbling into the room and scooping Virgil into a hug. Roman squats slightly to be eye level with Virgil, and the techies leave the bathroom. “Hey, Surley Temple, what’s wrong?” He uses a gentle tone, not wanting to upset the other more. He knew Virgil got… easily upset when he was drunk. He didn’t think Virgil was stressed enough to want to get drunk, though.

“I- I- Pearl loved R-Rose Quartz so m-m-muuuch~!” He sobs, clinging to Patton – apparently not caring that the other was shirtless. Roman blinks, straightening up and just. Processing. Then he has to clamp a hand over his mouth to stifle the laugh that wants to come out. Steven Universe? He was crying over Steven Universe? Well, when Roman takes a moment to think about it Virgil has cried over more ridiculous things while drunk. Once, he’d cried because Roman killed a spider. Patton rubs Virgil’s back, sniffling himself, and Virgil just keeps babbling about how sad it is, because Pearl lost the woman she loved and has to raise her kid, Roman, that’s so sad! Roman makes sure that Patton can take care of Virgil (and that the techies can take care of Patton – the ones that aren’t stoned out of their minds promise to make sure his two friends stay out of trouble) before leaving to find Logan.

Roman can’t remember a time in all the years he’s known Logan that he’s ever seen the other drunk. Not even buzzed. Maybe that’s why he’s so surprised when he finds Logan completely wasted, still at the couch but standing now, rapping.

Roman knew Logan could rap. Or rather, he knew Logan liked “slam poetry” and wrote his own material occasionally. But Logan “wasn’t a performer”. He didn’t care for audiences, or large crowds of people – not to the same extent as Virgil, but enough that he didn’t associate himself with public speaking unless it was necessary.

But now Logan was in a rap battle with one of Roman’s fellow actors, and he was winning.

“– Put makeup and tap shoes up against me?

I’m a master, I read prose like Greek tragedies

I write rhymes like songs flowing from piano keys

You’re no match for me, you act out comedy

My name comes from Logos and it matches me

You want to face off? What a poor act

I’ll bury you under my words of fact

Do you get me? Or is your brain too packed

With useless lines from old British hacks?

I conduct experiments, I prove theories

Everything you say comes from a TV series!

Science is about understanding existence

Theater’s about singing for a sixpence

I theorize that you are going to lose

And look at that, it looks like you do!

Go back to your costumes and microphone

Leave the thinking to the ‘nerds’ who made your cellphone.”

Everyone in the room erupts in a near-deafening cacophony of shouts, the closest people clapping Logan on the shoulder. Logan’s eyes are a little unfocused, and his cheeks are pink, his hair and clothes mussed, but he looks smug as he pushes his glasses up his nose. The theater kid he’d just crushed is staring at him in a mix of awe and complete befuddlement, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Roman is in much the same state, looking around the room at all the people cheering for Logan, and he belatedly wishes he’d been recording that.

After he gets over his surprise, he makes his way through the crowd and grabs Logan’s hand, dragging him toward the back room without a word. Logan struggles to keep up with him, stumbling and nearly falling. When Roman comes back into the bathroom where Patton and Virgil (who’s thankfully stopped crying) are, he stops, and Logan regains his footing. Roman leans against the counter with a sigh. “I can’t believe I have to be the buzzkill… We’re going home, now. You’re all drunk.”

Roman wonders what possessed him to bring them to a party where he knew they’d probably be talked into drinking. Well, he tries to reason with himself, Patton never goes overboard, Virgil is usually too anxious of being drunk to drink, and Logan thought drinking was “illogical” and “pointless”. You didn’t think you had to worry about them getting drunk. Virgil sniffs, and Roman does not want to deal with a cry-y, panic-y Virgil, so he takes his hand and brings him to his feet, leading the three of his friends out of the bathroom and back into the apartment. As the four pass, the techies who notice wave and say goodbye. Roman waves over his shoulder, for once in his life feeling not at all up to any kind of socialization as he drags his friends through the apartment.

He has to drag Patton away from a drinking game – twice – letting go of Virgil to keep a tight hold on Patton’s hand. He tells Virgil to just hold on to his belt loops, just like before, and Virgil nods, trailing behind him with his head ducked like a small child. Logan follows him without a word, just stumbling… A lot. It takes them three times as long to get back to the dorms as it did to get to the apartment, and by the time they’re all stumbling through the front doors Roman is completely exhausted. Patton doesn’t look much better, and Virgil is crying again (“I s-stepped on a sn-snail!”). Patton and Roman each wave goodbye to each other before grabbing their respective roommates and heading to their rooms. Roman’s last thought before he falls asleep is that next time, they’re just going to have a movie night.

The next morning, the only one who doesn’t have a hangover is Roman. He calls it poetic justice.