#the crimes of grindelwald review

[inastarlesssky]

Okay so here's my actual thoughts about The Crimes of Grindelwald. That last bit was like me processing really quickly what I thought but this is a more...in-depth thing. Not promising a play by play analysis of the plot and everything but what I thought of the story in general and more specifically about the dynamics of Newt + Leta, Newt + Tina, and the Credence plotline.

Okay so last night, I finished Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, and I didn't think it was such a bad movie. Not the best, for sure, but I have seen worse. I was just struck by how much was going on. . .there was the overall Grindelwald's evil agenda and him being a creepy af villain. Kudos to Johnny Depp for pulling off the creepiness. And the costume designers/makeup people. All of that (his appearance, and the man's acting job) contributed to very much "This guy is Bad™ and he won't hesitate for a second to do what needs to be done". Though I am still wondering what the hell happened to his eye to make him look weird like that. Was he born that way? (I haven't read the books but I might one day.)

I liked the escape scene; the rain, and the Thestrals were pretty neat but I might have appreciated some explanation or reference (was it referred to in the previous movie, Abernathy's abilities?) Or was it Grindelwald making it possible to switch places with him in the coach? I mean cinematically, it was kind of neat, but I was really confused. Same with the part, later, when Abernathy shifted from looking like a woman to himself to get inside the Ministry. I'm just used to seeing wizards use wands, given that we see that in HP. Granted, okay, some of them just don't, like Graves/Grindelwald in the first movie when he just did with magic with a swish and flick of his hand...but still.

Then there was the whole bit about Dumbledore enlisting Newt's help to find Credence. Not gonna lie, though I liked Dumbledore a bit in the HP movies, I didn't like the idea that he was foisting off on Newt this job. Newt asks him at one point, "Why can't you do it?" and we later find that he can't fight Grindelwald because of a blood pact. Understandable, but Idk I just feel like Dumbledore just doesn't want to get involved. For whatever reasons that may be (perhaps I'll discover this in the third movie...) Which brings me to the point at the very end of the movie, when Newt brings him the phial containing their blood pact thing. When he asks Dumbledore if he'll destroy it or try to, the latter says, "Maybe, maybe" in a way that seemed very much to me like a "I'll tell you maybe but it's a Slytherin way of saying 'no'." I'm not trying to bash Dumbledore here, trust me, this is just what I think of him from these actions.

This little sideplot of Credence and Nagini...it didn't really grab me. Maybe he really is like this, but Credence just seems very mopy and I'm not sure how to put it....he doesn't really make me feel any particular way about him. Like it's different with Grindelwald and Newt.

Grindelwald:

Okay I see him, he looks like trouble,

Lie after lie spills off his tongue,

He's vicious and all of the above = he's bad and I don't like him.

Newt:

He's a little spacey but he knows what he has to do.

He says he doesn't want to take sides, but his heart is in the right place, and he will devote himself to the good.

He's quirky, he looks quirky and there's just this awkwardness about him that makes him endearing = you develop a soft spot for this guy.

But Credence? I pitied him in the first movie for how he suffered, but I just don't think I understood his character enough in this movie to feel anything more.

Okay, now about Leta and Theseus. I was downright confused about the relationship with Theseus and Newt tbh. In one moment he's hugging him and offering him assistance and then at the Ministry, he looks like he legit wants to kill Newt, and I think Newt even makes a remark about that. But then, at the very end, they hug because well, they've both lost Leta.

As for Leta....I wasn't sure what to think about her and Newt As I said before, there's that flashback to Hogwarts where we see her upset because of the other girls' bullying, and she runs off and finds Newt with a raven chick. Then Newt finds her and takes her to see a Bowtruckle (was that Pickett by the way, or just one of the Bowtruckles that he'd found in that tree there?), and it's sweet because we see just so how tender he is. And he's looking at her with a kind expression, but I didn't get the impression that either of them had anything romantic, really. I think I was just really confused.

The Newt and Tina part of all this....So personal note here--I sort of just initially started shipping them because they looked like they could be a thing. In the first movie, he was sort of just thrown into an adventure with her and they had to figure everything out. The last scene of FB had me thinking, will they, won't they? Then, in CoG, when Queenie tells Newt that Tina thought he was engaged to Leta and thus started dating Achilles, the camera goes to him and I saw him maybe a little devastated, disappointed, at the news. He pretty much visibly deflated, and then we see him looking for how to find her, to explain the truth. Why would he be so desperate to do that if he didn't actually care how she felt about that?

I also picked up on that part when they're in the safehouse, and they're taking care of Yusuf. Whenever Tina calls him 'Mr. Scamander', he just has this look on his face...like he feels the distance she's putting between them. Then there's also the scene in the French Ministry. Newt was basically scrambling to explain to her that it was a mistake, that in his words, he wasn't truly happy or engaged, despite what she thought. I felt like it was pointed, when he said that to her. She asks him "Are you here to win [Leta] back?" and he answers with "I'm here to--" to what? To win Tina back? Maybe.

Newt: Please don't be happy. No, I--sorry, I don't--obviously I want you to be, and I hear that you are now. Which is wonderful. What I'm trying to say is, I want you to be happy, but I don't want you to be happy that I'm happy because I'm not. Happy. Or engaged. Tina: ...

Was this him trying to tell her something? I'm not sure. We don't see much more of them talking like this later in the movie because of everything else that happens. I'm kind of a little bummed about Queenie, though...I mean she was never my favorite character, but I liked her. Except when she crossed over to Grindelwald's side, I was like "No! You're better than this." Jacob was, understandably, upset. As for Leta's fate, that was unfortunate. When she said I love you, that was for Theseus, her fiancee, no? That's what I thought at least.

And in the end, Credence is supposedly Aurelius Dumbledore, surprise. A LOT of stuff happened in this movie that I think could have been either two movies or not stuffing so much into one. Like it had promising points, but it was just too much. At least too much to take in at 11 at night before going to sleep, imo. It wasn't too bad though. I'm looking forward to the 3rd movie!

[thedetectivesteve]

Cold Cases #4 - Bohemian Rhapsody, The Crimes of Grindewald, Mirai

[reviewsbycinemafreak]

My Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald (2018) movie review!

[nerbviews]

My review of Fantastic Beasts and The Crimes of Grindelwald

[apicelladonna]

Prometheus, The Modern Tragedy of Gellert Grindelwald

Hello!

This account and the fic I'm about to info dump started because I thought re-watching FB3 in 2024 and I quote:

What if it was Albus in the place of the dead Qilin being resurrected by Gellert–who by the way is a crime for Mads Mikkelsen to look that hot while being half submerged in dark magic water being wet and unbothered - Ella, Prometheus had Blue Fire draft at 2am

Bridges burned, Wars won, Hearts tell tale of fury, Gellert Grindelwald does something yet again and the wizarding world pays for it.

aka my sudden hyper fixation with the old gay wizard situationship instead of actually reviewing my final uni tests.

Stay tune, dear gentle readers! Here and at Ao3

[magicalhideoutengineer]

- Lights, Camera, Magic!

NBCNews's film review revealed what Theseus and Leta might be talking about: “Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald” has this same problem. Nominally about the adventures of Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) and his American pals in Paris, the film again has way too many subplots, asides and backstories. Dumbledore (Jude Law) is plotting his eventual fight with evil genius Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) from the shadows of Hogwarts. Newt’s older brother Theseus (Callum Turner) and his fiancé Leta LeStrange (Zoe Kravtiz) worry about Dumbledore secretly being in the pocket of Grindelwald and leading their beloved Newt towards danger.

[hjellacott]

J. K. Rowling's works in chronological order.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, 1997. (The Harry Potter Series Book 1)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 1998. (The Harry Potter Series Book 2)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 1999. (The Harry Potter Series Book 3)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000. (The Harry Potter Series Book 4)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, 2001. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Quidditch Through the Ages, 2001. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 2003. (The Harry Potter Series Book 5)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2005. (The Harry Potter Series Book 6)

The first it girl: J. K. Rowling reviews Decca: the letters by Jessica Mitford, 2006. (The Daily Telegraph article)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007. (The Harry Potter Series Book 7)

The fringe benefits of failure, and the importance of imagination, 2008. (Harvard Magazine article)

Harry Potter prequel, 2008. (A short story, Wizarding World Supplement)

The Tales of Beedle the Bard, 2008. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Gordon Brown - the 2009 time 100, 2009. (Time magazine article)

The single mother's manifesto, 2010. (The Times article)

The Casual Vacancy, 2012. (First non Wizarding World novel)

I feel duped and angry at David Cameron's reaction to Leveson, 2012. (The Guardian article)

The Cuckoo's Calling, 2013. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 1)

The Silkworm, 2014. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 2)

Isn't it time we left orphanages to fairytales? 2014. (The Guardian article)

Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and Importance of Imagination, 2015. (Non-Fiction)

Career of Evil, 2015. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 3)

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, theatre play premiering in 2016.

Short stories from Hogwarts of Power, Politics and Pesky Poltergeists, 2016. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Short stories from Hogwarts of Heroism, Hardship and Dangerous Hobbies, 2016. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Hogwarts: An incomplete and unreliable guide, 2016. (Wizarding World Supplement)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, 2016. (Screenplay)

Lethal White, 2018. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 4)

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, 2018. (Screenplay)

A love letter to Europe: an outpouring of love and sadness from our Writers, Thinkers and Artists, 2019. (Non-fiction, co-authored)

Troubled Blood, 2020. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 5)

The Ickabog, 2020. (First non-Harry Potter children's book)

The Christmas Pig, 2021. (Second non-Harry Potter children's book)

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, 2022. (Screenplay)

The Ink Black Heart, 2022. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 6)

The Running Grave, 202?. (The Cormoran Strike Series Book 7).

[thegirlwhowrites642]

I’m going to keep this post Anon because of the amount of hate I got previously. I use to write fanfics but because I didn’t pair the following: Wolfstar, Drarry, Linny, Jegulus, Scorbus, and Snarry I’m apparently homophonic. Even though none of those ships are canon and I stated I like canon pairings on my page. I stopped writing for almost over a year and a half now because when I defended myself I got more and more hate and negative comments. I did have representation of LGBQT in my stories but because I’m not pairing the above I’m labeled as a homophobe. If I made a gay character straight for example Dumbledore, yes they could call me a homophobe, but I didn’t. This one reviewer said it was ok to turn straight people gay and but it wasn’t ok to turn gay people straight (which I never did in my stories), and I should have at least 40-50% of LGBQT representation in my story. I just got frustrated because there was no winning with these guys so I deleted all my stories for good. Honestly, fandom and TikTok has ruined HP for me.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is absolutely awful and honestly, the way the people who claim to care about the issues of the LGBTQ+ community in this fandom just carelessly throw around such accusations is disgusting and detrimental to the cause they preach to defend.

Writing straight characters as straight definitely doesn't make you a homophobe.

It's also interesting that, apparently, it's so important for these people to write no-sense against canon pairings just because they are homosexual that it's better than writing about healthy relationships. And let's remember how a great part of these pairings comes with the bashing of female characters. But as usual, misogyny is the last thing people care about.

I personally headcanon Albus as gay because I think it's hilarious that the only child of Harry and Ginny that is named after a Slytherin and a gay man is the one everybody decided is in Slytherin and gay. But I don't ship him with Scorpius. And you are not obliged to write Albus as a Slytherin or gay.

The only thing you need to worry about is if the character who is offering the point of view for the story knows about the sexualities of an enough large number of characters that it would be unrealistic to not have a certain percentage of characters who belong to the LGBTQ+ community (which is definitely not the 40%). Honestly, even in the original series, the only characters Harry had any business knowing the sexuality of are himself, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. It's not unrealistic for four characters to be straight. There certainly wasn't an agenda on the author's part about having that kind of representation in her story (and the social and historical context in which the books were published should be taken into consideration here) but there's nothing unrealistic about the lack of openly gay characters (I do still think she could've hinted at the Dumbledore/Grindelwald business in DH).

And mind you, I say this as someone who once wrote a book where the main character was the only straight person in her family.

Personally, I am a firm believer in buying, reading and discussing books that have actual representation instead of trying to change already well-established characters, because you are always going to mess up. Case in point: Tonks is a surrogate for Remus and Sirius, because apparently, Teddy Lupin needs to exist, even without his mother.

The majority of the books I read don't have romance, they are mostly obscure pieces of Scandinavian crime literature, but in the series Red Queen my favourite character is bisexual and my favourite ship is an f|f one (and the bisexual character is not part of the ship just to clarify). And all that stuff is canon. Because I've actually read other things besides Harry Potter in my life.

I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I hope you keep writing, because it's a beautiful, even if at times frustrating, art. Regardless of if that writing is original or fanfiction. Regardless of if you'll go back to publishing it or you'll keep it to yourself. That book I was talking to you about? It took me six years to write it, I'm the only one who has ever read it but I had the best time writing it and it was a beloved companion throughout most of my teenagehood.

[drunkenelevator]

I posted 86 times in 2022

That's 52 more posts than 2021!

52 posts created (60%)

34 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cgibd

@pushbuttonkitty

@fblover

@mejacinta

@goofilia-saepe

I tagged 58 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#jacob kowalski - 43 posts

#fantastic beasts - 33 posts

#newt scamander - 29 posts

#newcob - 19 posts

#my art - 9 posts

#shitpost - 4 posts

#fbawtft - 4 posts

#secrets of dumbledore - 4 posts

#halloween - 4 posts

#redraw - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 41 characters

#fantastic beats the crimes of grindelwald

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

34 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#4

Oh.

from new featurette links

37 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#3

can't stop thinking about fem!Jacob and male!Lally

38 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

#2

FB1

Six years ago we saw Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. Do you remember your first emotions? I remember. It was… wonderful. I saw great characters and powerful friendship. It made my life a little better.

Some BTS from FB1

See the full post

62 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

this is so beautiful

132 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lex-the-flex]

I posted 281 times in 2022

That's 31 more posts than 2021!

147 posts created (52%)

134 posts reblogged (48%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tatooineknights

@basquettcase

@dilfdieqo

@loustat

I tagged 176 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#luke skywalker - 28 posts

#the sandman - 28 posts

#the sandman netflix - 28 posts

#tom sturridge - 27 posts

#star wars - 26 posts

#luke skywalker x reader - 26 posts

#neil gaiman - 25 posts

#you’ve got mail 💌 - 25 posts

#mark hamill - 24 posts

#luke skywalker x you - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 46 characters

#fantastic beasts and the crimes of grindelwald

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

For All Time - Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Pairing: 1789! Morpheus x reader

Summary: Entangled in a forced engagement with an unloving family friend, a mysterious Lord makes a legendary appearance at one of your family’s parties. However, it only takes a chance encounter for the King of Dreams to want you all for his own.

Warning(s): SO MUCH FLUFF, love triangle, angst, action and violence, descriptions of injuries, mean family members + fiancé, dream invasion, various nightmares, 18 + - SMUT. 

Chapters: 2 or 3 

Chapter One

Chapter Two - Coming Soon!

A/N: I am such a SLUT for 1789 Morpheus after watching The Sandman and I can’t get enough of him. Feedback is appreciated and enjoy! 

Tagging ~ 

@dreamliners

@nebulosa-reina

@smolfrogz

@vanessalenrie

@margozovaa

@hercherrysong

@missnightingale1971

@plentyoffandoms

@calicoevening72

@thingy-mar

@nimalucius

@cosmic-marauder

@vampninjaz

@simplyjaana

@amysteryspot

@milfzatannaz

@gay-dorito-dust

@elevencllara

@night-n-sky

@7minutes-tomidnight

See the full post

1,100 notes - Posted August 20, 2022

#4

Oblivion 

Morpheus x reader 

Summary: In the wake of the Corinthian’s demise, an unsuspecting visitor to his realm captures the King of Dream’s eye, so the Endless does everything he can to fulfill this craving. 

Word Count: 1.1k

Warning(s): MEGA FLUFF, slight angst and sadness, descriptions of injuries, brief nudity, love at first sight + first kiss, and Dream being the most loving and faithful husband material EVER. 

A/N: I just finished The Sandman and it was so good! So I thought I’d combine two requests for this fic, which are; ‘where Morpheus makes you his queen’ and ‘the reader temporarily lives in the Dreamworld due to being in a coma and shares a relationship with Dream + first kiss.’ 

See the full post

1,330 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

#3

Omggg can you write something abt the sandman like maybe seeing the reader for the first time , or relationship headcannons orrrr maybe spoiling the reader in the dreaming !!! Omg I love that skinny white man so much <333

At First Sight

Morpheus x reader 

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long. I was brainstorming, but then I got so burnt out. 😢

See the full post

1,492 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#2

morpheus reuniting with his lover after a century.

like y/n drops whatever they’re hold it shatter and they just run towards him tears In their eyes.

Forever Mine

Morpheus x reader

Word Count: 1.2k 

Warning(s): Memories in italics! Mega fluff, slight angst, mentions of heartbreak, brief loneliness, 18 + – SMUT, unprotected sex (stay safe kids), oral (f! receiving) and nudity.

A/N: I hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting! The only thing I changed is having the reader be an Endless like Dream. And I’m sorry if the smut is terrible, I haven’t written it in a while. 

See the full post

1,686 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

UM EXCUSE ME

2,128 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[goawaywithjae]

Based on the French series “Call My Agent,” this K-drama actually reminds me more of the U.S. show “Entourage,” but from the viewpoint of combative entertainment agents.

“Behind Every Star” focuses on a team of elite agents whose clients include top stars who need to have their egos stroked on a regular basis. In each of the 12 episodes, actors appear as versions of their real-life selves. Some of the fictional scenarios do reflect on the reality of working in film, especially for female stars. There’s Claudia Kim (“Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald”), who’s in danger of losing parts because she can’t find an appropriate nanny for her daughter. “Parasite” star Cho Yeo-jeong faces the reality of aging when she’s told Quentin Tarantino isn’t going to cast her for his new film because she’s too … old. Read the full review here.

[inastarlesssky]

So I just finished Crimes of Grindlewald last night. There was a lot going on in that movie. My thoughts about this under the cut.

I'm kind of not sure how to feel about Newt/Leta, Newt/Tina tbh. Like I know Newt and Leta have history, I got that, but I didn't see him in love with her in those flashbacks. I don't think we were meant to, maybe, but I just saw Newt being his adorable younger self and reaching out to Leta. But I don't even know how to feel about Leta actually. Do I like her? Do I dislike her? I don't really know.

So I will admit, I just jumped onto the Newt/Tina ship because in the first movie, they were working together and I thought "Oh, they'd be cute..." and then in this movie, I got the idea that he might love her or have stronger feelings for her. Like when Queenie told him Tina was dating Achilles, and his expression--he looked like he deflated a little bit, a little disappointed or gutted maybe to hear that she was with someone else bc she (mis)understood that he got engaged.

And then later in the French Ministry, he's stammering to apologize to her about the confusion and he's maybe about to say "I'm here to win you back" but doesn't say that. Like I see a man scrambling to confess how he feels, but he never really does. And that particular part when he says "...because I'm not happy, nor engaged." Like is he in love with her? I want to think so, I want to ship them but I don't know...

Also how does Tina guess he was going to say salamanders?

I'm just a little confused with my feelings haha.

But if anything, I love and I will always love Newt, because he's just a loveable dork and I love him.

[astrodenzbotw]

Book Of The Week No.39 Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald by J.K. Rowling Actual Rate: 9/10 Favorite Line: "Regret is my constant companion. Do not let it become yours." -A.D. Actual Review: The second installment screenplay book of Fantastic Beasts franchise, The Crimes of Grindelwald was pusblished on 2018. Set in 1927, the book follows Albus, Newt and the Aurors second attempt to take down Grindelwald's plan of ruling over the No-Majs (Muggles). This was quite a fantastic read, indeed. Since most contextual things of the magical concepts had already been plugged on the first installment book (FB & WTFT), it was really a plain-sailing venture when I read this screenplay. I mean, there's a lot of history unveiled in the story as well but I firmly believe that it contributed dearly on the flow of the events. A lot of heartbreaking revelations was also set in this book, especially about Leta, Credence and Albus. I am now in fond of conversational reading because of this. It somehow immersed me really, on characters' personality by JK Rowling's depiction. These screenplay books are crafted magically and creatively. A thing to consider to motivate you read the book. Overall, that was a magical read! Worth to be read again. Worth for recommendation. Though I prefer more on watching the movie. (Cognitive bias, 'cause I am a fan of Eddie Redmayne HAHA) TAGS: #fiction #books #fantasy #screenplay #JKRowling #FantasticBeast #Grindelwald #FantasticBeastsTheCrimesOfGrindelwald #Wizards #Potterhead #bookstagram #bookrecommendations #bookreview #booklover #booknerd #bookaddict #bookphotography #goodreads https://www.instagram.com/p/CmS82kHy0Yc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[dailyupdate-24]

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review: The Best Yet, but That’s Not Saying Much

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review: The Best Yet, but That’s Not Saying Much

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore — out now in cinemas — comes at a time when the Harry Potter world is possibly at its lowest. The third chapter of the spin-off film series flies in on the back of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald failing critically and commercially, with a review consensus lower than the ghastly Justice League and the second entry making less than any…

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

I had a friend create a 10-category, 50-question Harry Potter trivia quiz for my 30th birthday. I have a Ravenclaw tattoo that takes up most of my right forearm. I’ve helped orchestrate an HP-themed baby shower. I’ve held multiple HP movie marathons. And when we were first dating and Wife told me she’d never read the books, I legitimately cried and then blocked it from my memory. When she told me for the second time, months later, I cried again. 

One could say I’m a fan of the wizarding world. 

So here we are, at the second entry in the second wizarding franchise, and the only question really worth answering is, is this a world that’s still worth visiting? Well...

Imagine someone you love - it could be anyone, but as an example I’ll use your best friend. Imagine your BEST friend, whom you’ve shared so much with, whom you’ve gone through ups and downs with. That one. Now imagine that every few months, your best friend’s mom sends you a text, or calls you, or puts up a billboard in your town that seems to be actively trying to get you to hate your best friend. Things like “She kicks puppies” or “One time, she made fun of a homeless man until he cried” or “She told me she wants to set fire to a hospital.” Like, real fucked up stuff. Would you maintain a relationship with that friend? With them both? Or would you cut ties completely and just hold onto the memories of the friendship you used to have?

I’m genuinely asking, because J.K. Rowling seems hellbent on shitting all over the things I love in some twisted effort to make me utterly baffled and repulsed by the world she has created. I never thought I’d say this, but Johnny Depp is the least of this movie’s problems, so welcome to Whose Crime Is It Anyway? where the timelines are made up and the plot points don't matter.

A spoilery summary! Our favorite Hufflepuff Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is asked by Hot Dumbledore (Jude Law) to go to Paris and find Credence (Ezra Miller). You remember Credence, the sweet emo boy from the first movie whose death functioned as the climax of the film? JK JK death is meaningless and impermanent here! It’s the roaring 20s, everyone’s drunk. Newt needs to find him because Grindelwald (Johnny Depp, doing his best impression of day-old potato salad) is also looking for him. Credence is the subject of a prophecy that everyone’s familiar with but the audience, you see, and he’s currently trapped in a Parisian street circus with a woman/snake named Nagini (Claudia Kim, and yes, THAT Nagini). Jacob and Queenie (Dan Fogler and Alison Sudol) also show up again, because they were in the first movie too so they have to be here for this. Jacob’s memory has been restored because...~handwavey reasons~ and Queenie decides to join The Mayonnaise Man’s cause as a wizard Nazi because...she wants to marry a Muggle. Somehow I think she didn’t read the whole orientation flyer. Leta Lestrange (Zoe Kravitz) is engaged to Newt’s brother, Theseus (Callum Turner) but is mostly hanging around to look sad and reveal that Credence couldn’t be her long-lost brother because she killed her long-lost brother by switching him with another baby on a ship right before it sank at sea. And she’s right, Credence isn’t her brother - he’s gone over to the dark side, where the vaguely human amalgamation of cauliflower rice tells him he’s the long-lost brother of Albus Dumbledore! Because why the fuck not, nothing else in this goddamn thing makes any sense anyway.

I would also like to point out I left out at least 40 more characters, many of whom seem to be important but are never named or introduced in any way.

SEVERAL thoughts:

Visually, this world is stunning. The set designers have done an incredible job showcasing new magical settings in rich, vivid detail. The Parisian street circus and the French Ministry of Magic building were particular favorites of mine.

Likewise, the 1927-era costumes are drop-dead gorgeous. This franchise should really be called Fantastic Coats and Where to Find Them.

50 galleons seems so steep. I wonder what the wizarding inflation rate is.

Snakes can fit through bars of cages...

Performances - Redmayne is sweet, but virtually shoved out of the way in his own franchise; Kravitz is cold and removed - is that acting choice secret pain or constipation? Hard to say; Fogler is underutilized, especially after being the emotional MVP of the first film; Sudol is fractured and manic, completely devoid of her earnest warmth from before; Miller barely gets 3 lines, and mostly looks like he’s about to cry; Law is fine as hell and kindly and wise and doesn’t give off weird “I’m going to use children as sacrificial lambs without telling them or anyone else about it” vibes, so that’s already a big step up from the Dumbledore we get in the books; and then there’s Johnny. Johnny “lightly braised tofu” Depp is giving one of his most understated performances in years, to the point that he’s almost...boring? Most genocidal fuckheads are at least compelling speakers, but this dehydrated turnip just sort of glides about, while his followers do dastardly things for him. He doesn’t even kill his own toddlers, he outsources it to his followers. Does nobody believe in honest, hard work anymore? 

Basically all of the details - the set dressing, the costumes, the overall aesthetics and feel of the film - are beautifully realized. However, the foundation is made of smoke and sand and the distant sound of JKR’s maniacal laughter.

Cast and endorse an accused abuser who is teetering on the brink of public collapse? Check. Include outdated Orientalism cliches by casting an East Asian woman as mysterious, dangerous, and literally snake-like? Check. How about a white imperialist Imperius-ing Leta Lestrange's (black African) mother and literally forcing her into sex slavery with no follow-up or reflection on the part of the film or its characters? Check. It’s like some sort of perverse bingo game she’s playing to try to alienate everyone who might have seen themselves in the Harry Potter universe as belonging, because they understood what it was like to be an outsider, to be abused, to be shunned and made fun of and ostracized. Cause fuck all those people, amirite?

And that’s just the offensive choices from a purely political standpoint. How about the offensive choices regarding more trivial matters like linear time and space - like Dumbledore teaching Transfiguration, not DAtDA. Or like Professor MacGonagall being born in 1935, yet somehow teaching at Hogwarts in 1927. People apparating inside Hogwarts. Complete reversals of characters’ personalities and motivations. Characters being introduced and never seen again (where did Bunty go?? Did she die???) Characters NOT being introduced and never seen again (what up Jessica Williams, super psyched that you’re here, sure would be neat if I knew who the fuck you were playing or why that person was important!) If the references are meant for fans’ benefit, it fucking BACKFIRED, because most HP fans I know aren’t looking for a convoluted soap opera where babies are switched, people have secret brothers, everyone's amnesia gets reversed, and people come back from the dead.

Now that I think about it, the practice of confronting a boggart is super problematic. Like people have traumas. It's not all spiders and snakes, Dumbledore! God, Hogwarts pedagogy is shit.

I’m still not convinced that Jude Law’s tasty Daddy Dumbledore could possibly still be in love with this tuna salad sandwich from a vending machine at the DMV. That flashback in the Mirror of Erised is supposed to be full of longing but all I could think was, “is this how straight people think gay sex works?” Would have loved to hear that day in the writer’s room. “Maybe we could have them kiss?” “Too gay. What if they exchange blood vows and hold hands to form a magical amulet?” “Nailed it.” *everyone high fives and chugs a Red Bull* 

There’s just...so much. So much that I wish were different. I don’t quite know how it’s possible for a film to explain both too much and not enough, but here we are. The Crimes of Grindlewald isn’t just a title, it’s a prophecy of what audiences are forced to endure here - it’s not just separating art from artist, it’s not just cultural exploitation and othering, it’s not just queer erasure, it’s not just overplotted and underwhelming narrative, it’s not just cheap shocks and winking references. The rap sheet just keeps getting longer and longer, and I have to wonder when, if ever, Rowling will atone for these crimes.

[hildegardladyofbones]

So I finally saw the movie. It was better than u could've ever hoped.

(SPOILERS FOR FANTASTIC BEASTS 2 AND 3)

My two fears were that there weren't gonna be enough magical beasts and that It wouldn't be gay enough. In the first scene Albus literally said to gellert "because I was in love with you" and in the second scene we see newt doing what he does best, nurturing animals.

I loved how open albus was about his gayness, and I love how hot everyone got. Like all of them had a glowup in-between the movies, it's great.

I love how the movie didn't force romance down our throats, but I am kinda disappointed that Tina was in only 2 scenes. But I guess they just couldn't fit her into the plot.

The plot was awesome. Not once did I know where it was going, but the foreshadowing was done just right. With big movies like this, l can usually guess where it's going, because movie writers are usually scared and too afraid to let the bad guys win, or the good guys to have some losses. So I was delighted, when they chose to have Queenie switch sides. The scene in Bhutan is definitely my favourite.

My favourite new character is Lally, just because she is so cool. At times I thought that she might even be on the same level as Albus. And I love her way of speaking. But I also really loved Abeforth. It's so obviously the same character from the hp series and this series.

And Teddy and Pickett is the platonic power couple we didn't know we needed.

I do have to give this a 9/10, because it could have had more fantastic beasts. Jk Rowling is making it hard to make me hate herself, if she keeps making the movies so gold, but that doesn't excuse her transphobia (like, at all) (I would still spit on her)