#the days get harder and living becomes more difficult and there’s days when i cant see where im going anymore

[lovieku]

Good Luck, Babe! #3 ☆ jeon jungkook

what happens when you leave everything behind, only to be faced with it again years later? eunbi is convinced she was given another shot at keeping all she ever wanted, but it’s difficult when that all is her childhood best friend who doesn’t want to do anything with her anymore. how to earn his trust back?

☾ pairing: non idol!jk x fem!oc

☾ genre: childhood friends to strangers, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut

☾ word count: 9k +

☾ warnings: explicit language. say hi to eunbi!!! and to the friend group!!! its a bit funny until it becomes angsty … ouch. jeongguk is a bitch lowkey. pun unintended (you’ll see). theyre dramatic as hell. like bro it cant be that serious 😭. im sawrry for this. and its not all!!! see you in fourth chapter 🫡

☾ author’s note: hi hi hi!!! this took a bit to fully convince me but in the end it did. i was frustrated because i felt like i couldnt really use my words properly to tell the whole thing but… here we are now!!! thank u!!! enjoy 🫶🏻

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three ⋆ this is me trying

Up to that point, Eunbi’s life has been a constant adjusting to new surroundings, leaving bits and pieces behind, getting attached to new ones, and hoping they wouldn’t be taken away from her. It would always end up as she feared it would, though. From as early as she can remember, Eunbi would live off her blue backpack, where she gathered a toothbrush, a change of clothes and her favourite plushie to help her sleep and adapt faster to the smaller bed at her dad’s house. When her parents had divorced, it had been a rough patch before the both of them could come to a legal agreement; that being, she would spend the weekend with her father, and then stay with her mother again until Friday rolled around.

She rarely looks back at those days now, but when she does — mostly at night, her mind seemingly incapable of putting a stop to her furious flow of thoughts and just sleep — she thinks if it hadn’t happened to her when she was still pliable and mouldable, when she was yet to be met with what ordinariness was supposed to look like for others, she wouldn’t have been ready to wholly face all that followed. Eunbi was young when she learned that love between two people could end so easily, and her innocent self accepted that as the norm.

As a result, what she found harder to accept, more than her own mother and father not even being able to stand next to one another without ending up quarrelling, was having to leave her small black poodle in Gwangju, with her grandma, after moving away to Busan. Curly (little Eunbi had given him that name for obvious reasons, and to this very day she finds it dumb, but it makes her giggle nonetheless) had been a great companion through the inevitable loneliness she had to face as an only child. She was convinced he could understand her better than no other, even when she would force the tiny creature to sit and listen to her ramble on.

Busan was the next big change that was pushed onto Eunbi, only a few years after her mother got engaged to a man that would soon replace her biological father: with time, sleeping over at his house for the weekend was no longer even a contemplated thought on his side, coming up with excuses after excuses as not to, and that slowly led to showing less and less interest in keeping up with her and meeting up. The little girl had always been numb in relation to such negligence, and because of this she could consider herself lucky in some distorted sense; it didn’t affect her as much as it should have.

Part of that was also due to her step-dad being a great father figure during the initial times of his and her mom’s relationship, making sure to adapt to Eunbi’s pace and boundaries, never overstepping while also being able to bring fun into her life by taking the family out to visit places and eat delicious meals. What he couldn’t do for her, however, was live with a dog. When he and her mother decided to finally move together following their wedding, they both agreed on wanting to restart from a brand new place. Busan was their perfect pick for a variety of reasons: her mom got offered a job at a recently established company that seemed promising, and her step-dad could fulfil his deep-rooted dream of expanding his by starting a new branch.

Every single thing about him seemed perfect to her mom’s eyes, even if he was apparently deathly allergic to dog’s fur. And, of course, she picked her husband over Curly. Eunbi couldn’t believe it, nor accept it. The girl cried over the small dog for the two weeks prior to moving, during the trip to Busan, and for the following days there. Her grandmother would keep her updated by sending pictures of Curly through email, and even after the scar had healed, those would never fail to make her tear up.

As shameful as it might be to admit it, after having dried herself from half the water that made up her body because of the constant crying, it didn’t take long for the scar to close. When she first stepped foot in the big city by the seaside, Curly showed up right in front of her. Just in human form. Big eyes, long black hair and puppy manners, her neighbour was definitely sent to her by something greater. Eunbi was obsessed. It didn’t show at first, her pride prevailing. But it was harder and harder to fight against it. Jeongguk was simply too easy to love.

They became inseparable. Wherever he was, better believe she was there too, attached at his hip. And if they showed up alone, people would naturally ask about the other. Because the moon is never seen without its stars, and sunflowers only ever turn to face the sun. Their bond could be perceived by anyone as unbreakable, a friendship to envy and wish for, and every brick that built it had resulted in the creation of their own safe haven that only had space to contain the two of them. Not anybody else could be let in, the bubble exclusively recognised their password. It wasn’t composed of words, or numbers. It was the look of understanding they would share; the white lies used to cover the mischief of the other; their own handshake, accompanied by an original friendship jingle that Eunbi came up with randomly; the assurance that they could reveal their biggest secrets to one another, and they’d be kept like an oath.

There’s many of those that Eunbi shamelessly revealed to Jeongguk, some with intent and others unleashed spontaneously during their many endless talks. But when she thinks of it, she never admitted the single one that really mattered, the one that her best friend in the whole world needed to know, and remember. At all times. In any circumstance. It wasn’t a secret, it was more a result of her pondering; it came to a full reasonable thought only years later, and by then it was too late to tell him.

Eunbi thinks, and she’s sure, Jeongguk was the reason why all that came before the two of them had to happen. If it didn’t, she would have spent her whole life looking for that missing puzzle piece: under the cushions of the couch, in between her bed sheets, accidentally thrown away in the bin. It was as if all the hardships she experienced were justified, because at the end of the tunnel Jeongguk was waiting for her. And everything finally made sense. The puzzle was complete. Jeongguk was the reason himself. He was sent to teach her an important lesson: everything happens for a reason. There’s a cause and an effect, and even if the cause was suffering, at least the effect was her favourite boy.

Then, a gust of wind had wiped the puzzle to the ground, every single piece losing its place. When her best friend was taken away from her, she stopped being so convinced with the thought she herself had harboured, because she suddenly couldn’t find the meaning behind such a cruel fate. If everything really happened for a reason, then what was it? Jeongguk helped her see colours, only to return to black and white. Leaving him behind had marked the death of a version of herself that she would never get back.

Seoul was big, and harder to adjust to, even more with the baggage she was now dragging behind. Unpacking it, she found out all she had brought with her was a shattered trust and a soon to be broken promise to never get attached again. It was hard to be faithful to such an imposition, when Eunbi was born to give out love. It was hidden in that luggage, in between fears and regrets, but surely present.

And it prevailed in the end. Even at a slower pace, love found its way up and helped a lost Eunbi navigate the big capital city, promising new beginnings and healing. She found that in the faces of people that she would then start to recognise as friends, inside warm cafes during the coldest days of winter, and in the certainty that no matter where she is, she is always looking up at the same moon.

What she has built in Seoul so far feels the closest to stability that she has experienced in years. Starting university and meeting Dahye was the last bit of convincing it took to make her consider once again that a reason could exist, and that in the end it would make sense. Maybe not totally. Maybe just partly is enough after all.

Until, seeing a pair of familiar starry eyes in the midst of dull ones was all she needed to firmly believe in what she had been finding hard to accept. It took one shared look for past and present to get blurred together, and the mixture of old with new feelings created a mess. It was nice, nonetheless. Better than the seemingly impossible to get rid of emptiness at the pit of her heart.

Behind her eyes, Eunbi could see the puzzle slowly reaching its final form again, this time with more missing pieces, but the image was at least recognisable. When Jeongguk showed up in front of her again like magic, she contemplated becoming religious. Getting to her knees and starting praying to whatever greater force was shining on her path to please keep doing that. None of that showed on the outside, her smile breaking and mirroring the expression on the boy’s face. Pure sorrow. She knew she was probably the last person on earth Jeongguk wanted to see, and the fact that he wasn’t even trying to mask it didn’t help.

The most rational response she could come up with at that moment was to act as if nothing ever happened. And then, the bricks that a long time ago held together their safe bubble were being used by the boy to raise a high wall between them, making sure accessing his space would be impossible for Eunbi. Who could blame him? Still, the happiness she shamelessly felt when Jeongguk showed up at her 20th birthday party was too consuming, she selfishly wished for the rest of her birthdays to always look like that as she blew the candles. Nonetheless, when he suddenly left sprinting on his bike she knew the gods would need time to grant her desire. Although, this time around she had faith.

She doesn’t know how long it would take for it to break, though. September getting closer and closer only means that Jeongguk’s birthday is just around the corner. As part of his friend group, she had been involved in the process that led to organising the surprise camping trip, even if she didn’t exactly participate. After all, she doesn’t get to say she knows the boy better than anyone, anymore. Jeongguk has evidently changed, and as a consequence she knows way less about him than the others.

For that exact reason, Eunbi had made various attempts to back down from the trip, fearing her presence could significantly ruin it for the celebrated boy. At first, she tried to be casual about it with Dahye, since she’s the only one she’s opened up to about the whole dilemma, “I think it’s better if I don’t come. After all, it’s a friend trip. I’m not really his friend.” To which her roommate only replied with bullshit, proceeding to type away on her keyboard. That did not help whatsoever.

Then, the night she was too tipsy to take a taxi back home and Jeongguk had offered her a ride on his bike, she came home with a smile on her face only to burst out crying in front of a just as drunk Dahye. In between sobs, she begged to be left out of the trip, “Ple- Please, Dahye. He hates me. I can’t stand it.” Her friend tried to shush her whines, pushing Eunbi’s head on her chest and consoling her, “He doesn’t, baby. I’m sure he doesn’t.”

As a result of that night, Dahye had then sat her friend down with the intent of fully convincing her to be present for Jeongguk’s birthday trip for a number of reasons, “It would be rude to not show up after he was there for your birthday. And also, what if you two end up talking about… things! And everything gets solved! That would be nice, wouldn’t it, Bibi?”

Eunbi had just nodded all the way through the motivating speech, not really understanding nor believing her words, but apparently they were enough to lead her to the present moment: awkwardly squished between Dahye and Jimin on the couch of her flat, while they animatedly converse with the others to approve on the trip schedule. She has never felt so out of place before, not only because she doesn’t feel like she has a say in the whole discussion, but also because as time went by the two friends by her side kept shifting to subtly get closer to one another, not realising they were compressing her body in the process. To the point she is forced to get up, the position she was in being too uncomfortable, and sit on the ground under the couch next to Namjoon.

She can feel her movements being followed by a pair of curious eyes, and when she looks up to meet them, she finds out they belong to the origin of all her worries. Before Jeongguk can divert his attention elsewhere, aware he was caught observing, she gives him a quick tight lipped smile. It goes dismissed, as if it hadn’t happened. Ouch. It’s okay, Eunbi can take it. She used the few days prior to this to mentally prepare. She knows she’s not exactly welcomed anywhere near him, that’s why she made a silent secret pact within herself: whatever happens during the trip, don’t be a bother to Jeongguk. Stay away from him as much as possible, and if not possible, then do anything to avoid putting that frown on his face, exactly the one he’s sporting right now. On a second thought, if just looking at her gets him to react like that, maybe it’s best to mentally wipe that off her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip.

With there still being a day left before their minibreak takes off, the girl can already tell it’s going to be hard to follow the flow of that list, Jeongguk making it obvious her presence could have been avoided before the vacation has even started. Still, she remains composed and brushes off what had just happened, instead focusing on the main topic of conversation.

The group (Hoseok) has decided to meet to go over the schedule one last time because, “Everything needs to be perfect, guys. We can’t afford to slip!” It’s still Hoseok talking. Eunbi learned that he had always been the one in charge of organising events and little getaways when it came to the friend group, his obsession with keeping everything under control coming in handy in such scenarios.

Not only that, but the reddish haired guy is also amazingly quick on his feet, and in a relatively short amount of time he has managed to find the perfect excursions and experiences to go over during the trip, making sure every day spent together would be filled with fun activities that he knows the birthday boy is going to look forward to. In between what he has arranged there is cycling, canoeing, trekking, and more stuff that Eunbi can’t keep up with. Surviving this is going to be made ten times harder by the amount of energy that is going to be expected out of her. She sighs at the thought, looking down at her manicured nails. She just got them done, and now they would surely break.

It takes a few seconds for her to realise the sudden silence that fell above the room, and when she looks back up she’s met with eleven pairs of eyes staring at her. She straightens her posture, suddenly too aware of being perceived, and she deduces her previous exhale had been released with more energy than intended. Hoseok sweetly smiles at her, “Anything you don’t agree on, Eunbi?”

The panicked girl opens her mouth to justify herself, her eyes getting wider and shinier with embarrassment, but Dahye beats her to it, “Bibi, didn’t you say you, like, hate cycling? I’m sure we had a whole conversation about it.“

Eunbi is mortified. Her eyes jump from Dahye to Jeongguk, trying to get her best friend to shut up while also registering the boy’s scoff and muted roll of his eyes. Oh god. Her whole be-lowkey-and-make-yourself-unnoticed plan just shattered in a matter of seconds. She can feel Jeongguk’s eyes bore flaming holes into her skull, his arms crossed and his legs furtherly stretching out on the armchair. If she still had a small, tiny hope left that he didn’t fully hate her, she just witnessed that shattering in pieces too.

She quickly shifts to sit on her heels, her hands frantically shaking to try and save her face for what she could, “No, what? I love cycling. Seriously, I’d do it everyday if I could.” She chuckles shakily while subtly shoving Dahye’s knee next to her to signal going with the lie. At first, Dahye looks clearly confused: she was so sure of that information about her roommate. She furrows her brows, looking down at a panicky Eunbi widening her eyes. It takes only a few more seconds for her to suddenly get it, shaking herself from her doubts and catching the ball, “Oh, right! You do! I got it confused with, huh… something else.” The girl mutters that last part only to join her friend in a nervous laugh, and an apologetic smile. Best believe Dahye is going to hear about this later.

Hoseok looks just as puzzled as the others, but nonetheless he nods, announcing the schedule has been officially confirmed. A collective acclaim fills the room, only for the boy to stop it with a raise of his pointer finger, “Now, I will assign you guys in your respective cars.” Which is comically followed by a joint groan, and some protests. Hoseok ignores them, and goes on reading off his perfectly planned out Word document.

”Namjoon is the first driver, and he’s travelling with Iseul, Seokjin and Sora,” he looks up to briefly check with the mentioned members to see if there are any complaints, then proceeds. “We’ve got Yoongi with me, Aera and Taehyung. Then…” Hoseok squints his eyes while scrolling down the document, and those few seconds of silence are enough for Eunbi’s thoughts to anticipate what is about to follow. She lowers her head, unwilling to meet Jeongguk’s glare when Hoseok says, “Jeongguk is driving with Jimin, Dahye and Eunbi. All set?”

The positive response is quick, even too rushed and disregardful of what was said, as Namjoon and Taehyung have been impatiently begging for the never-ending organising to be over so they could order food and finally fill their starved stomachs. No one pays any mind to it, but Eunbi and Jeongguk stay quiet, while Jimin and Dahye share a knowing look. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

The evening is spent in the cramped living room of Eunbi and Dahye’s shared flat, eating pizza and letting a random movie play, which soon only functioned as a background noise the moment Taehyung started a game of Would You Rather. Even if Yoongi initially shushed him, everyone eventually became more delighted with Seokjin’s unthinkable suggestions than with the film, “Would you rather be trapped in a small room with 10,000 tarantulas for 10 minutes, or eat 10 tarantulas in 10 minutes?”

Eunbi tries to let herself be distracted by the content smiles on her friends’ faces, even feels less distressed when she notices Jeongguk relaxing as well, but that doesn’t stop her mind from overflowing with all the things that could potentially go wrong. It inevitably shows on her face, and in her unusual quietness. She has been pondering on the last information Hoseok had shared about the confirmed schedule for hours now, worrying it was going to start the trip on the wrong foot. There were all the best intentions to not poke the sleeping bear, but she fears being in the same car as him is going to stir him awake.

After the group leaves the apartment at past 1 a.m., Hoseok checking with everyone that they’ll show up at 8 sharp tomorrow morning in front of the same building they’re now parting ways from, Eunbi releases a long sigh as she closes the door behind her shoulders. Dahye catches the look on her features immediately, taking her pretty face in between her palms, “I’m sorry for earlier. I was trying to help.” She pouts, and it makes the shorter girl chuckle.

Eunbi shakes her head, dismissing her apology with a small it’s okay, and freeing herself from her friend’s hold so as to avoid meeting her eyes, instead busying herself with tidying up the mess in the living room. Her flatmate looks at the strangely silent girl narrowly, “What are you thinking? Please, don’t let it be something stupid like I don’t wanna drive in Jeongguk’s car.”

When all Dahye is met with is silence, she knows that specific something stupid is flowing in the other girl’s head. Eunbi spends the next hour packing and letting Dahye think she’s wholly convincing her distressed roommate nothing could go wrong from just being close to each other, and if anything, it could be a starting point.

For the sake of getting at least three hours of sleep before the long drive ahead, Eunbi fake promises her friend that she won’t let such thoughts haunt her mind and stop her from enjoying the holiday (she was forced to repeat those exact words) knowing she’s going to let them do precisely that. She also ends up staying awake all night either way, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse that she can use to ask Hoseok if a small change would be possible, hoping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to him and his perfect plan.

When the following morning rolls around, the group gathers in the courtyard of the flat complex as instructed hours earlier by Hoseok, who looks like he’s on the verge of a serious crisis when it’s one minute past 8 a.m. and Taehyung still hasn’t shown up. Eunbi fears for her life when she taps his shoulder as delicately as she can, still unable to avoid a jumpy reaction from the boy, who then relaxes when he sees the girl’s sweet smile. That lasts for about one second, because when Eunbi softly asks him if they can talk he’s back to puffing out panicky breaths.

She hesitates a moment before uttering in one single exhale, “I’d rather not go in Jeongguk’s car.” Faced with Hoseok’s perplexed stare, she goes on explaining in a rushed, messy speech, “It’s nothing personal, really. It’s just- Iseul! Yeah, Iseul begged me to be in the car with Dahye… She doesn’t know Sora that well so she said it would be way too awkward. I can go with Namjoon!” She ends it by trying to sport a convincing grin on her lips, but with the way it looks like she’s being held at gunpoint to smile it’s doing the exact opposite, not helping in hiding her own panic at all.

Hoseok takes a few seconds to process her request and read her expression, but in the end he just shrugs and nods enthusiastically, “That’s okay!” He then claps his hands twice, recalling the others’ attention who comically snap their heads in unison, hanging on the boss’ lips, “Tiny change. Eunbi doesn’t wanna be in Jeongguk’s car, so she’s going with Namjoon.”

For the second time in under 24 hours, Eunbi is so embarrassed she prays the ground to swallow her whole. Hoseok doesn’t seem to be making a big deal out of the way he worded his announcement, busy typing away on his phone, probably updating his Word document with the recent change. The others don’t look too fazed either, accustomed with the two infamously not being too fond of each other for no apparent reason, except for Dahye and Jimin: the former is looking at the girl incredulously; the latter has shifted his attention to his best friend.

Eunbi can feel cold sweat dripping down her forehead, the weight of the world crushing on her shoulders. She’s afraid to follow Jimin’s line of vision, but as she slowly does, it leads her to meet Jeongguk’s intense gaze, a slight pissed scowl hardening his features along with his brows almost meeting at the bridge of his nose. His all black attire composed of an oversized t-shirt, cargo bermuda shorts and chunky sandals matches perfectly with the look on his face. He seems confused, and unnerved. And sad? This is not how things were supposed to unfold.

Under such pressure, the girl impulsively releases a nervous laugh, her whole face red with awkwardness, “It’s not like I didn’t- Okay! I’ll just go wait in the car.” Her head hangs as she distances herself from the group, finding an escape from Jeongguk’s disappointment in Namjoon’s car. She bangs her head on the dashboard a few times, making the most of the last minutes alone she’s getting before departure.

Starring in that shitshow was not on her list of things to keep in mind for Jeongguk’s birthday camping trip in any way. On the contrary, what she has been trying to do is going by the rules of the list itself: stay away from Jeongguk and don’t be a bother. Instead, the opposite seems to be happening every time she attempts to be nice to him so as to not be a hassle during the trip. Releasing a shaky breath, she hopes her intentions wouldn’t be misinterpreted by the boy, as she tries foolishly convincing herself the telepathy between them still exists, at least to a small extent. She was only doing this for him. To make it easier for him. Please, please send this telepathic message to Jeongguk.

Connection probably isn’t working too well, because when they all get to the destination after a fairly long ride, Jeongguk still looks pissed, shutting the car door with more energy than required and unloading the luggages, taking his and Iseul’s to the entrance of the camping site. Eunbi narrows her eyes as she observes the scene, the short haired girl thanking the previously annoyed boy and effortlessly putting a smile on his lips, and she almost doesn’t notice Namjoon urging her to move. She abruptly shakes herself out of that trance, relaxing her hands that had subconsciously closed into fists, and takes her bags out of the car. As she clumsily drags them on both of her shoulders, her Converses do little to protect her soles from the rocky ground, and she groans. It’s not like she was expecting Namjoon to carry her baggage, she can do it herself. But as she keeps watching Jeongguk easily handling all that weight, she huffs.

The campsite looks amazing. The space that the group has at their disposal is huge and wholly surrounded by nature, making it the perfect getaway from the chaos of the city. Not too far, in between trees, a glimpse of the sun reflecting its rays in a large lake can be caught. Eunbi witnesses an excellently carried out jam session, with the lively enthusiasm of her friends on microphone, birds on percussion and cicadas on bass. She smiles, and sighs contentedly. Dahye’s words from last night echo in her head, don’t let this stop you from enjoying the holiday, and today she wants to believe them. She’s glad she chose to wear jeans shorts instead of cargos, the heat slowly but surely rising, and a flowy white top that keeps her fresh, for now.

Hoseok instructs them to get to work, and they do. All their bags are gathered under a big ancient tree as each couple and trio starts (tries) setting their tents. While they’re busy figuring out how to ensure the tent won’t fly away, which Taehyung fears particularly, Jimin and Jeongguk offer themselves to go and fill everyone’s water flask at a nearby drinking fountain they had found. Eunbi kneels down to fish hers out of a blue backpack and goes to hand it out to Jeongguk, who’s collecting Dahye’s bottle. The boy smiles at her friend, but it gets wiped off when he shifts his gaze on Eunbi’s shorter figure. The moment is brief, and awkward: her big unsure eyes stare into his hardened ones, arm extended out to him, wondering if there might be something funny on her face for him to turn so serious; she hesitantly lifts her brows, waiting for something; Jeongguk looks her up and down, only to not acknowledge her water flask, and just walks past her.

Eunbi is dumbfounded, the tip of her ears reddening as she remains paralysed with her hand out, even after Jimin collects her flask, muttering something close to Don’t mind him, please accompanied by an apologetic smile. She regains consciousness of her surroundings only when, beside her, Dahye can’t help the snort coming out of her mouth, trying but failing to save it with her hand. The still shocked girl slowly turns to face her amused friend, mouth slightly agape and left eye clearly twitching, “Did he just… act as if I don’t exist.”

The situation shouldn’t be funny, but to Dahye it’s the peak of comedy as she keeps giggling the more the slow realisation of what has just happened shows on Eunbi’s features. Obviously, the latter can’t find one single reason to laugh about it, whining while the taller girl pats her shoulder, still smiling, “You really need to talk to him.”

The targeted girl ignores that, biting her nails nervously, ”Was he saying anything about… me, in the car?”

Dahye lifts her brows, shaking her head, ”Nothing. He’s probably talking shit about you with Jimin, though.” Eunbi follows her pointed finger and catches Jeongguk animatedly discussing with his flatmate, balancing the bottles in his arms, before they turn a corner. Eunbi fusses, lightly tugging on her braided pigtails, and she feels helpless as even the friend who’s supposed to be supporting her through all of this is chuckling at her. Despite being shorter, when Eunbi shoves Dahye’s shoulder she manages to make her stumble, but that doesn’t stop her laughs, though.

”You’re building the tent on your own.” Arms crossed and pout on, Eunbi isn’t joking as she goes to sit under the tree surrounded by bags and ignores her name being called out. Rather than reacting to it, she spots tiny bugs between the grass and inspects them for a while, pretending it keeps her distracted from what’s plaguing her mind. Soon after, with her knees to her chest, watching those ants working to transfer food from one side to the other inevitably gets her lost in her thoughts. What is she doing wrong? There’s clearly unresolved problems between her and the boy who brutally ignored her existence minutes ago, but she thought maybe if she started seeking for truce, then he would too. His response, instead, makes her realise no matter how much she tries, it’s apparently not enough to mend what happened all those years ago. She messed up worse than imagined.

The constant pondering makes her lose track of time, and she comes back to reality with undesired outcomes that she convinces herself to be true. When she recovers from the (as she has deduced, deserved) humiliation, Dahye has already set up half of the tent and Eunbi walks over to her bashfully, “Sorry for being childish. I’ll finish this, Hye.” The girl just smiles softly and nods, sending her a flying kiss that makes Eunbi chuckle before taking her previous spot under the tree. At least Dahye doesn’t hate her.

It takes her a while to figure out what to do but she soon grasps how hard a seemingly simple task can be, feeling bad for letting Dahye do a great part of it on her own. Still, she needs to work fast as lunch time is approaching, and everybody around her is almost finished. She has been crouching on a particular spot on the ground for a while now, trying to properly secure an angle of the tent unsuccessfully. Until she groans exasperated, puffing her hair out of her vision and lifting her body up to find a solution. She tries stomping on it a few times, but it doesn’t work, and if anything it worsens the situation. Huffing out, with her hands on her hips she looks around for help, and the first person her eyes fall on is Jeongguk.

He was already staring at her, comfortably sitting on a deckchair with his legs spread and sunglasses on. His tent looks perfectly set already, with Jimin seemingly fixing the inside of it. His hand is covering his mouth before he uses it to lift his glasses over his head, and is that a smirk? They both stare at each other in silence, Eunbi still struggling to breathe, and she hesitates slightly until her eagerness to be over with the tent becomes stronger. She speaks up to make herself heard over the small distance, “Can you- help me?”

Jeongguk narrows her eyes at her, initially not answering but not even moving from his relaxed position. The girl is ready to be met with silence again, but it’s something worse when he opens his mouth, “I think Namjoon would be happy to do that.” He’s as stern as ever as he returns the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, furtherly spreading his whole body on the chair and facing the sun. Only then, he releases a content sigh, smiling slightly.

All of this cannot be real. What does that even mean? Eunbi can feel her eye start to twitch again and she needs to clench her jaw to stop it. It’s okay. Breathe. She unexpectedly but successfully manages to hold herself from exploding on him, both overwhelmed with tent building and frustrated with his behaviour. She can’t really decipher what led him to not only act cold, as he usually is with her, which is fine, but also mean! But no problem, she’ll try once again. It costs nothing to be nice. And she tells herself she’ll stay that way, even if she’s met with the opposite, until he breaks.

The storm of negative emotions tormenting her thoughts can be distortedly seen as a good thing on one side, if she considers that the sudden adrenaline flowing in her body gets her through most of the task without any help, even mindlessly, while she keeps reflecting on the interaction and the previous ones. Why the fuck would Namjoon be happy to help her? Well, he would, he’s naturally a helper, but why did Jeongguk say that? Is he really that pissed about her going in his car? She tries to understand, she really does. Keep being nice is what she tells herself instead.

When the tent is finally up, only with Dahye’s finishing touches, and food is finally in her stomach, refilling her energy tank, it’s like there’s a switch going off in her head, making it seem as if nothing bad has ever happened. Eunbi is back to her talkative self with a full tummy and a bashful grin while her best friend teases her for the earlier tantrum she went on about, but at least it’s all smiles again.

The first day at the campsite is spent basking in the slowness that follows after ticking off the only two activities planned for today on Hoseok’s schedule: setting their tents and preparing meals for lunch and dinner. The boss then instructs the group on just getting acquainted with their surroundings, and they don’t need to be told twice, making the most out of those short remaining moments of ease.

The rest of those hours are used to laze by the huge lake, in between swims and sunbathes. Luckily, Eunbi had packed a few bikinis and she chose to wear a black set, its laces meeting at the back with a bow. Sitting back and taking it easy, before all that she will be faced with the next few days, gives her a chance to get closer to the others. During the earlier drive, she had the opportunity to chat with Sora and discover the sweetheart she truly is, and the car was then easily filled with laughter, mostly provided by Namjoon and Seokjin’s terrible jokes. She now sits by Sora on a beach towel, all the other girls in a circle catching up and laying by the sun. In the back of their gossip session, the boys could be heard laughing and squealing, and the sound reminded Eunbi of sweet childhood. She briefly shifts her attention to them and smiles when she observes how they’re doing the most to tire their energy out, from using a rope hanging by the branch of a tree to leap into the water, to initiating a volleyball match using one of their rolled up towels.

Eunbi grows even fonder than before of the people she’s surrounded with, the earlier stress leaving her body and being replaced by serenity, a small sigh released from her lips before she returns to listen to the girls’ chat. She laughs at something Dahye says and jumps on it excitedly, making the others chuckle at the two friends eagerly recounting one of their craziest uni experiences so far.

All of it is short lived when Taehyung and Jimin suddenly drop a water balloon over their heads, a collective gasp filling the space followed by the two boys’ childish giggles and Dahye’s screams, getting up to run after them. They all spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get back at each other with more pranks, bathing in the lake’s cold water and taking silly group pictures to seal the day. As the sun begins to set, they all sit on their towels and silently observe nature, definitely too tired to speak, and preferring to savour the sweet moment.

When the sun finally leaves its place for the moon to rise and the group of friends gets back to their tents, their stomachs growling signal it’s time for dinner. They take turns to shower using the nearby public structure and then help setting a campfire to cook. It also works as a very needed source of heat, given the temperature has significantly dropped and their bodies are still humid from washing up. Eunbi wears the grey cargos she had discarded earlier this morning when deciding on what to put on, and a white tee, her damp hair falling on her shoulders and making her feel slightly chilly. She comes up beside Yoongi to help him with the meat, benefiting from the warmth of the fire.

There’s not much talk between the two, only the older boy advising her to be careful of the flames every two minutes, but it’s comfortable. Eunbi still has a hard time reading through Yoongi, and maybe it’s what she enjoys the most about him: his aura is soothing and it exudes security. He doesn’t exactly show it, but he’s deeply attentive and caring of his friends, and the girl feels safe next to him. She can sense him looking over at her while the meat is cooking, and as she turns to him she meets his eyes with a smile. He ponders, scanning her face “You got sunburnt. You need to wear sunscreen tomorrow, or it’ll get worse.”

Eunbi chuckles, dragging her pointer finger up and down her red nose, “Yeah, I know. It kinda hurts but it looks like I have natural blush now!”

Yoongi shakes his head with a small amused scoff, “That’s stupid, Eunbi. Wait for me here, I’ll go get you an after-sun cream.” And even as he walks off, he reminds her to not stay too close to the fire. She thinks that’s an exact demonstration of what the boy is truly like in her head.

The girl keeps grilling the meat, humming unknown melodies under her breath, and she almost misses a broad figure sitting on one of the chairs surrounding the fire. When she looks up, it’s Jeongguk avoiding her eyes and instead staring at the flames, their light reflecting in his big orbs and making them shinier. He wears his bermudas from earlier, but he now has a grey Stussy hoodie on top of it. His locks are still wet after freshly coming out of a shower, and they curl on his forehead, making him look like a poodle. She smiles. It’s like 15 years old Jeongguk is there with her again, his bare, exhausted face and droopy eyes taking her back to Busan. Without even realising what she’s doing, she extends a cooked piece of meat his way, “You want some?”

Startled, the boy breaks from his spacing-out and registers the request. He looks between Eunbi and the meat, gulping. He licks his lips, and she swears she can also hear his stomach rumbling. When he keeps ogling the food without replying, she wiggles the fork and his eyes follow its every movement, as if hypnotised. Then, he suddenly screws his eyelids shut and breaks from the trance, simply shaking his head no and fishing his phone out of his pocket, mindlessly scrolling on it. Just like that, she’s back to the present, and Jeongguk hates her. Eunbi narrowly glares at him while he can’t see her.

Yoongi comes back soon after with two different creams in his hands, and he gives them to Eunbi with a chuckle. She thanks him and lets him take over the cooking, while she curiously inspects the products, still standing next to the fire. When Yoongi spots his younger friend on the chair, he asks the same exact question as her, forking a piece of meat, “You want some?”

Jeongguk’s attention is back up, this time on Yoongi, and when he sees what his hyung is referring to he eagerly nods. Eunbi interrupts her examination just in time to see the boy hungrily shoving the food in his mouth, brows furrowed and praising noises accompanying his munching, making the older friend by her side chuckle. Instead, the girl is once again in disbelief, even more as he watches Jeongguk patting his knee with force, satisfied with the bite, “Hyung, this shit is so good. I want more.”

Eunbi scoffs imperceptibly, leaving the scene with an annoyed scowl wrecking her pretty features. As she enters her tent, she’s glad Dahye is still showering as she makes the most of that isolating moment. She sighs wearily and whips out her phone. Using its camera, she tries to ignore her tumbling emotions and instead puts on the creams Yoongi had given her, but not even those are enough to distract her. She’s still incredulous at what she’s being put through, her patience wearing thin, and the pact she made with herself before coming here is dangerously close to being broken.

Dinner is spent with good food and even better people, and only then Eunbi visibly untenses again. In between bites and full mouths, they go from discussing random facts to casually engaging in games of Truth or Dare or Never Have I Ever, the beer bottles slowly being emptied while their tummies get filled. When they’re done eating, the relaxed smiles on their faces implicitly communicate how the meal has been the perfect ending to the lovely day spent together. Still, they stay by the fire and keep up an effortless chat. When one of them comments on the limpidity of the sky, its stars being perfectly visible in this zone of Seoul, they all look up and stare in silence at the fullness of the lights.

Even if it’s not too late, the weariness from being out in the sun for multiple consecutive hours is weightening down on most of them, Seokjin and Sora retiring to their tents, soon after being followed by Yoongi and Hoseok.

It’s a little past midnight, and Eunbi starts to feel more and more affected by the cool breeze, its effects showing on her prickled skin. She tries to warm herself up by rubbing her exposed arms with her hands, but it’s to no avail, “God, I’m so cold.”

A collective agreement follows her claim, with Iseul speaking up and curling herself into a ball on the deckchair she’s sitting on by taking her legs up to her chest and hugging them close, “Me too, it’s freezing.”

”Oh, I have a spare hoodie.” Both girls snap their heads at the voice, which belongs to Jeongguk. However, as he quickly gets up to retrieve the sweater from his tent, it’s not clear who between the two he’s referring to, their curious expectant eyes following his every movement. Eunbi has her reasons to feel so eager, given the fact that she has been begging for one nice interaction with the boy, a spark of hope lighting up in her chest at his offer. On the other hand, she doesn’t know why the other girl seems equally excited, twirling her short hair around her fingers as she waits for Jeongguk to come out of the tent again. She huffs, a pout ending on her features.

When the sought-after boy gets back with a blueish crewneck in his arms, both girls hold their breaths, the sudden tension going unnoticed by the others (except for Dahye, she’s like a psychic when it comes to her best friend’s emotions), until Jeongguk lays the piece of clothing on Iseul’s shoulders, coming behind her and then sitting on his chair again.

Iseul bashfully thanks him, the tips of her ears seemingly reddening while a sweet, alluring smile makes its way on her lips. Eunbi scoffs at that, and if looks could kill Iseul would be dead right now. The dirty look she sends her way luckily goes unnoticed, and she keeps hugging her own body trying to provide herself with warmth. When she shifts her attention to Jeongguk, he’s already looking at her, smirking. She can’t be convinced he isn’t doing all this on purpose.

Even with her teeth almost chattering, the neglected girl forces herself to stay with the others until the end, and with Namjoon and Taehyung retiring to sleep only six of them remain. Under a white full moon, the conversation doesn’t really follow a clear direction, steering from existential questions that none really have the answers to, to Jimin’s drunken adventures. Jeongguk giddily joins the recounting and adds many details to it, specifically highlighting the embarrassing parts that his roommate is trying to omit to save face, and making all of his friends laugh with their whole chest, Eunbi included. She simply can’t ignore the fact that he’s naturally charming, and hilarious as well. In the middle of his storytelling, his whole body gets involved and it makes the events seem even more impressive. Eunbi smiles when she compares the Jeongguk in front of her to the beloved one in her past, the one that would sit her down and force her to keep up with his running imagination, constantly up with new ideas for silly scripts.

Then it’s Dahye’s turn to share one of her experiences, and Eunbi inevitably gets thrown into the tale, which had seen the two friends drunkenly sneaking themselves into a concert. It’s like they’re perfectly mirroring Jimin and Jeongguk’s dynamic, because while Dahye is trying to leave out critical parts of the story, Eunbi strongly insists on specifying them with an unseen emphasis for 1 a.m., causing everybody to laugh along. In between chuckles, her eyes fall on Jeongguk, who is mindlessly scrolling on his phone and seemingly not paying attention. Throughout the recounting, she notices Jeongguk distractly listening but never laughing, and if he does it’s only after something said by Dahye. Slowly, the enthusiasm gets wiped off her face as she curls up on the chair, sulkily letting her friend finish telling the story.

Another hour of effortless conversation goes by, and Jeongguk is back to lively chatting again, his animated gestures and witty jokes getting laughter out of his friends, but this time Eunbi doesn’t join. She silently sets on observing the boy, despite being caught a few times. She really wants to understand the reason behind his behaviour, but there’s no factual explanation she can come up with other than the obvious reasons that put them in this situation in the first place. If that’s the case, there’s nothing much she can do other than going up to him and finally talking it out like the mature adults they should be, but with their petty, silent bickering she doesn’t think that’s happening any soon.

While she’s busy squinting her eyes at the boy, in a borderline creepy manner, she doesn’t notice Iseul crouching in half in laughter at something Jeongguk said, until she’s directly referring to her, “Oh god, Eunbi! Why did you never tell me Jeongguk was this funny?” Said girl is startled by the question and by the abrupt interruption that shakes her out of her trance, confusion written on her face and it must be evident with the way Iseul goes on explaining, “Dahye told me you’ve known him for a long time.”

All at once, the atmosphere is tense and maybe Iseul and Aera can’t feel it, but Dahye definitely can as she snaps her head to her friend, who’s staring directly into Jeongguk’s eyes. The two seem to be battling an unnamed war through eye contact, and the intensity of the boy’s gaze ignites something implacable in the girl’s chest, dangerously close to rage, and it has to do with all the feelings she’s had to bottle up in less than 24 hours. She scoffs, referring to Iseul but never breaking the staring contest with the boy, “Oh, is he? Don’t think I’m well acquainted with that side of him yet.”

If the tension wasn’t palpable to everyone before the comment, it surely is now, the only ones that have something left to say being the crickets and owls in the background. Jeongguk only snickers before washing a hand over his face, an unsettling smirk on his lips. He seems to finally acknowledge the other girl’s presence, but it’s not in the way Eunbi initially imagined it would go. Instead, it’s venom spitting out of his mouth, “You would've been if you weren’t so self centred, always wrapped in your own bubble all the fucking time.”

Eunbi's confidence falls as quick as her heart, a sudden force weighing on it and almost crushing it. She’s fast at hiding it, ignoring the slight sting she can sense in the back of her eyelids, her only goal is to shoot harder. She forces the fakest smile she can muster, “Self centred? Are you sure you're talking about me?” The affronted girl scoffs, loud and sarcastic, “Fuck, and I thought you'd know better than that, Jeongguk. You should try getting your head out of your ass and look around. Maybe you'd see how shitty you've been treating all of us-” me “-for these past weeks.”

Jeongguk is visibly taken aback, and it’s his heart falling this time, his face following suit. His broken features do little to hide the doubts plaguing his spiralling mind. Had he pushed it too far? Had he been actually so bad to his own friends? Seeing his contender’s face relaxing with victory makes him snap out of the sudden trance, as he regains consciousness fast. No, he hasn’t. Fuck this. Blinded by anger, he utters the unimaginable, “Speak for yourself when you say shit like that. As far as I'm concerned, I've been treating you fairly seeing the bitch you are.”

His eyes are as pitch as black, the stars in them that Eunbi would love to get lost into are unreachable now, almost as if a dark cloud had obscured them. It must be the pollution that's taking over his heart too.

She’s frozen in place as the cruel words echo in her mind, the force that was keeping her heart underwater had managed to crush it, and it was now coming up her throat, squeezing the air out of her lungs. Her ears ring with the sudden lack of oxygen, and she can only faintly hear Dahye’s raging comments coming in her defence against Jeongguk. She can only seem to focus on the cracking of the fire, though, its thumping noise suddenly unbearable, as she feels more and more engulfed in its flames. She forces all sounds to come back to her, strongly pulling herself out of her own plagued head, the boy in front of her now unrecognisable to her empty eyes.

Looking around, she notices all of her friends — his, after all — had gone extremely quiet, the pressure weighing on them too. She can't stand it, needs to get out. She wishes she had never agreed to this. So much for keeping her peace. Yet, she'll never give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that hurt her. She'll die before crying in front of him.

“Well, if you don't mind, the bitch has had enough now, so with all due respect, she's going to sleep.” With a forced tight lipped smile, she gets up in one fast movement and walks to her tent, leaving the others disoriented, and a still furious Dahye scoffing at Jeongguk. He follows her with his eyes until she disappears in her shelter, clenching his jaw and announcing his departure soon after.

Inside the tent, Eunbi takes several deep breaths trying to calm down, and she feels frail when she can sense her eyes prickle with tears. She tells herself it’s angry ones. Apparently, being nice isn’t enough, and she watches as the seal to her pact shatters with force, signalling no come back. Following suit, the puzzle breaks once again, and she’s left scrambling for the pieces falling, looking for the one that will start it over again. And this time, it’s going to be even harder.

[xltribe]

1. What was the first fashion show you ever walked in and how was the experience? The first fashion show I walked in was back in high school in some mall back to school show. It was awkward because we had to walk one time and then did mannequin poses standing there for like 10 mins at a time! Not enjoyable! I will say the first official fashion show I did was a couple of months ago for National Curves Day and it was quite the experience. Never walked before in my life and it was very exciting for me! 2.What made you want to start a meal delivery service? So I did not start the meal delivery service. My partner Kenneth Watson is the Owner and Chef of Esquire Meals. I have been a constant partner for at least 2 years now. This was a dream he had back when he was in law school preparing food for his other classmates. As Kenneth grew up in the south, the food obviously was quite fattening. When Kenneth moved to Connecticut we were able to learn and engross himself in a much healthier lifestyle where the idea of meal prep for him came from. When I met Kenneth he was preparing meals for a couple of clients already but I knew that he could do more. He is very talented in his cooking skills and that is the thing I admire so much about him as a chef; the ideas for the new menu that comes out every week astonishes me and sets us apart from other meal prep companies!   3.What's been the most rewarding part starting and growing a business? Honestly, while this was not my original plan when Kenneth and I connected, I saw how passionate he was about this venture and I knew that this was something I wanted to be a part of. There are a couple of things that are very rewarding to this venture; one is our clients. The amount of positive praise we receive every week is amazing and continues to drive our company as each client continues to tell their friends and then they become clients and so on and so forth. It grows every single day.The second thing that is rewarding is seeing Kenneth's dream come true! I learned over this time that nothing will make you work harder than pushing for someone else's dream. There has never been a time where I was like "no I cant do this or I don't want to do this. My philosophy has always been, if I fail, then I fail the business and I fail him! 4.When did fitness become a part of your daily routine or had it always been? Fitness has not always been a part of my life. In high school, I played football but absolutely hated to lift and workout. I ended up at the University of MD-College Park where I walked on to the football team, up to that point I had gained a tremendous amount of weight and was at my highest of 330lbs. After college I struggled immensely with my weight, teetering back and forth between losing weight and gaining it back, being extremely skinny to being extremely obese. It was a difficult time for me. When I met Kenneth I was somewhat in a fitness journey and I decided at that point that I had to get myself right not only for myself but for my future and for our future, whether that be kids or whatever else, but to live a healthy lifestyle, Kenneth was definitely a big push in that. 5.If you could tell your younger self-anything what would it be and why? I would tell myself to just let things happen...I have bouts of OCD and can be a bit of a control freak at times, sometimes I just need to step back and "chill." I would tell my younger self that everything will eventually turn out to be ok, just let it happen and you'll be fine!  

[carcass-confessions]

ok so yall know that magic system thing thats like "what can magic do, what can it not do, what is the cost of using it, and what does it feel like" yeah i used that for the current thing im writing except it has 3 different major types of magic (potentially more to come) so uhh heres the first one

Symbolic Magic (name subject to change): Everyone is born with at least some potential to do this type of magic. When someone is born, they are (seemingly) randomly assigned a "symbol" that is present throughout all of their magic; the vast majority of people have different flowers as their symbol, because its much more closely related to nature, but nowadays as the population has increased drastically, we see more niche symbols like teapots, doorways, windows, feathers, hourglasses, etc.

What can it do? Magic comes from the symbol itself; for example, if someone has the symbol of a hydrangea, their magic comes out of nearby hydrangeas or even drawing made to represent it. They would also, to some degree, be able to manipulate hydrangeas. Basic magic would be things like summoning fire, water, light, etc. out of the symbol, or applying effects to a symbol for putting in potions/food (mostly used by edible plant witches, like the Cherry Witch, who does have a primary focus on creating magical food. the Teapot Witch also primarily uses food magic). Much more advanced witches, who are far more in tune with their symbols, may be able to do things like teleport through their symbol (for example, creating a tornado of dandelions that they would appear out of), certain symbols can create portals more easily than others (like a door witch could much more easily make a human sized portal than a plant witch yknow), see using their symbol as a conduit, or manipulate sound through their symbol. The most powerful witches in history have been known to effectively permanently alter how their symbol exists in nature (more on that later maybe if i ever get around to exploring the Lore of this world). Purely for aesthetic trends, advanced witches have a tendency to flaunt their symbol in their magic; for example, a hydrangea witch shooting a fireball is likely to show off their mastery by shaping the fireball as a hydrangea

2. What can't it do? Symbolic magic cannot create more of a symbol in nature (for example, if a plant tied to a witch goes extinct, they cant simply make more of that plant magically), but again, drawings and symbols that represent it work. It also cannot touch the soul of another witch; magic can kill, but it cannot destroy a soul. This also means it cannot bring back the dead.

3. What is the cost? Because everyone has a unique symbol that cannot exist in someone else who is currently alive, it is a bit difficult to teach magic universally. Plant witches, being the majority, typically take precedent in teaching, as basic magic is pretty universal across them, however other symbols would be harder to teach more advanced magic. From birth there is a link between one's soul and a symbol, and although it "cannot" be cut, it can become stronger the more it is used. People who do not use magic, after death, typically are able to enter the underworld within a day or a week, as the link breaks down much easier. Novice practitioners may remain in the material planes for a few months, while the most advanced and powerful may remain for years (or a decade if youre Ursa Elara or Altair Tahtinen lmao). After descending to the underworld, it also takes longer for the symbol to reconnect to a different soul depending on the power of the living user, as the EnergyTM directed into and out of the symbol in nature has to have time to Cool Down. Despite how seemingly constrained someone is to their symbol, symbolic magic is the most free-flowing and experimental category of magic.

4. What does magic feel like? To beginners, it feels like being a dog learning how to walk with lil boots on, or like you suddenly grew extra limbs without knowing how to move them. To advanced, its probably more like finally getting the grasp on a new language, except everyone who speaks it has a completely different dialect and theres only a few key similarities, but deep down you know youre speaking it correctly

some extra notes: symbols are actually sort of a pretty small aspect of this kind of magic, especially when every student at The School TM gets a free enamel pin of their symbol so they can use magic anywhere as long as they have it without relying on nature. also eye color and symbol color are directly correlated in most cases, and there is only one witch alive for each symbol. If someone is a purple snapdragon, no other snapdragon witches are alive at the same time. Only the most powerful witches have their color tied to their title (i.e. Ursa Elara the Golden Sun Witch and Ewa Gloska the Silver Moon Witch vs. Divya Deshmukh the Hourglass Witch and Pippa Jane Owen the Dandelion Witch). Symbols also cannot be animals, those for the gods or somethin idk

[silencedsouls]

Forgive the improper grammar but I needed release. This is a safe place for those who feel they need to be silent on what they feel.

Breathing

So easy yet so heavy

Second nature yet it's become suffocating

What am i to do when you were my reason?

What am I to do when i can only sit here

My chest becoming restricted

I feel everything yet nothing at all.

It's heavy

This ache i hold inside my chest.

The place you once sat

The place i wanted to hold you forever

It hurts

Why does it still hurt, I suppose I will never understand.

Yet, why can’t i let you go.

You’ve moved along

Yet i sit here still grieving

My head spinning

Tormenting me with these thoughts

These memories of only you.

Why is it only you

Day in

Day out

It is only you.

What more can I do?

Who can I go to?

My chest cavity feels empty yet over bearing

It’s like ive forgotten to breath

Why am I suffocating

All these smiles

Pretty sweet lies

Crowded places

Their voices are screaming bur I hear nothing

Feel nothing

No one to my side

I want to scream

I want to cry

But these walls are too thin

This place is not my home

I am not comfortable here

I hate being alone

I hate this pain

My mind has darkened

Ive begun second guessing

That day, was it worth it staying

Accepting this second chance

Why was i given it, thats what i use to think but now, i feel it was just a mistake.

Yet i would have never met you. Would that have been a good thing

I don’t knoe my place anymore. I’ve lost my footing

I use to know this roads, yet ive become lost

As if ive never been here before but i know this street all too well.

Im fine

Thats the lie always ready on my tongue.now adays

Everythings fine. I swear I’ll be alright

But this pain isnt okay.

This heart ache shouldnt remain

Youve moved on yet im stuck here

Stuck in the past

Stuck on the things that ive already lost

I feel like i wasnt enough

Im still not

These marks arent just natural

I want to make them more

I second guess who would miss me

I second guess my place

I wan tto get rid of this pain

Represents dont seem to work

Im afraid only one thing will

Ive been wanting to try it

Hoping for the void to call and win

Its gotten close

Closer than id like to admit.

Yet no one will ever know.

No one would ever see

Ive become an actor

A smile plastered on my face even as my chest pulls tight.

Yet, after my door closes, and im alone for the night.

The bottle spills and i lose my self once again.

Its become harder to find me

Who even am i

Who do i want to be

Do i even want to be alive anymore

Its become harder to find reason to remain

Im sorry that ive grown darker

I was hoping it would only be a phase

But this doesnt seem to want ot pass

Its become permanent

Something i cant just chase away

I want to act happy but its becoming harder as the days pass.

Why does it take such petty means to have someone listen

I hate being alone

Thats when my thoughts want to scream

Want to dig their claws into me.

Theyve become more persistent

Louder

Stronger

Theyve become many

They were once few.

I could handle them

But ive been struggling

I was better

So i thought

But it seems i was just prolonging whats inevitable.

Whats written in stone it seems

Im tired of it

Im tired of living

Im tired of trying

Im tired of guessing

Im

Tired,

Self wallowing

Thats become my favorite pass time

My favorite hobby

It takes up all the free time i gave left.

This act

Its becoming more and more difficult

Its starting to sleep but im done pretending

Maybe this time. It will be the last.

Im tired of bleeding through this invisible wound

I want to make it end

I want to release this pressure but it will never be enough.

I want to be free but how can one be free from their own mind.

[contact--light]

.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader fanfic idea (Part 2)

So here we are, Incel!Shinsou is back and this time with a bit of growth that he needs to make independently (While thinking about the reader of course. Thank you so much to @blossominglark for sending in such a lovely message! Also here you can find a small explanation as to why i even started the Incel!Shinsou series.)

"I think I want you. I think you're bad. I think you're good, it's like the love I never had. I think I need you. Oh God, it's true. I think I'm falling and there's nothing I can do" - Beetlejuice Chill by Life After Youth

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 3: Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader (1/2)

How difficult could it be? To forget that you ever existed... thats what's haunting Shinsou ever since the conversation you two had a few days ago. He cant seem to focus anymore, everything just reeks of you. (His own bedroom where you two would sit on the floor and work on your project together. You would laugh at something that came on the television, every time resulting in his face heating up and heart beating harder at the sound, the beautiful sound, of your laughter. It doesn't feel the same anymore. He cant sit or sleep there anymore.) Shinsou starts speaking with Aizawa more, to be honest its not like Aizawa gave him that much of a choice. He needed to understand what was happening with his son and you in order to help or bring some constructive input.

Shinsou goes on and on about how he mocked you to his "friends". When questioned on his "friends" he said that they were all telling him that you needed to be taught how to be a "proper woman" the "perfect girl for them".

("Hitoshi what-...why would you...?"

"I don't know! It made sense when i was young and- i... i dont understand how or why and...please just- help me i dont understand!"

"It's ok, it's ok, come here." Aizawa hugs Shinsou tightly. He starts running his hand over Shinsou's hair comforting him.

"What did you show them? What did you tell them about...her, exactly?") A mess of tears and regrets, thats what Shinsou is. A puddle which he somehow drowned you in out of a bitter rage that had nothing to do with you.

Aizawa finally holding a grasp as to how Shinsou's mind worked, he couldn't help but feel defeated. He neglected his son so much he became bitter and resentful towards the wrong people, the wrong person. (Aizawa only ever told Shinsou that his mother moved away from them because it was "too much for her". Young Shinsou couldn't grasp why his mom would leave him, but again he never really asked questions since he saw how upset it made his dad. "Dont worry Hitoshi, ill be here for you no matter what. Got it, problem child?") An intervention needs to be made now. To prevent even more damage, to keep his son safe and his sons ex-friend safe.

"Hitoshi? The posts and things you put online, you need to delete everything now." Urgency was a must, damage control needed to happen now. Who knows if Shinsou wrote about where he lived, where you lived and studied at, if he showed those "friends" of his your face. Who knows how much information he put out there to a bunch of strangers about you. "Ok, ok. Let me delete everything...yeah...thats-yeah...makes sense." He's slipping, Shinsou is slipping into a pit of shock and disgust, he needs to fix things and that only starts by wiping away years of miss informed opinions disguised as truths.

Everything is gone. No more accounts. No more pictures. No more you. He didn't make any announcements or even address why he was wiping everything. He didn't answer the piles of questions flooding his inbox about why he was doing all of this, he just didn't care anymore. He couldn't find you either. No account on any platform with any signs of you. (He should have asked for your socials, but knowing where you two started off at he thinks its better that you two didn't. It saved you from his incessant torment he saw himself being capable of.)

Week one came and went. You didn't show up for classes and people started to take notice.

"Does anyone know why y/n isn't at school anymore? Is she sick?" Midoriya asked one day. Everyone kind of just looked at each other hoping that someone might have an answer. Be it that no one other then Shinsou was in the same class as you, everyone in his friend group knew about you since you where always nice despite the way you presented clothing wise. (The clothing didn't matter nor did the labels, you were still so welcoming to everyone. Hell, you even welcomed Monoma and that guy is considered psycho by everyone.) Shinsou couldn't do anything but listen to his friends (Midoriya, Shoto, Denki, Mina, Iida, and Ururaka) go on about how nice you were. How they miss you. He misses you . He ruined this, he ruined your school experience and pushed you to lose the friends you had because of his own ignorance. He forced you to choice between showing up to school and dealing with him or not coming in at all and losing the friends you had because of him.

The Sports Festival was coming up soon, here all the students would compete against each other to show off their skills. The Festival acts more as an opportunity for the different Courses to fight each other since its focus centers on the physical strength and wellbeing of the students instead of their study of focus. It also helps with publicity by letting UA show off their students to the general public. (Shinsou didn't understand why the school would have a Sports Festival. UA was better known for being STEM and Art focused which meant that many of the students only had to take 1 year of P.E. instead of the 3 years other schools required.

"So again, what's the purpose of this?"

"Its just a chance for the different Courses to bully each other, and for the General Course to get mocked." responded Togeike. Be it that she never spent time with Shinsou, they both had a mutual attitude and just stayed away from each other out of disinterest. It wasn't after Shinsou's personality changed did she feel more comfortable being around him and started speaking to him casually throughout the day.

"So what does the Business Course do during-"

"Hey, didn't you and y/n work on that project together?" This caught Shinsou of guard. For the past week its all been about you and how you hadn't been coming to class. (You haunt him even outside of school, the guilts too much for him at times.)

"Yeah...what about it." he snarls. Just because he's changed in appearance and largely in attitude, that doesn't mean he's over the way he treats people. Cant she get to the point already-

"Geez man, i just wanted to ask if you needed her number." That...was off. Why would she assume that he needed your number?

"Why would you give me her number? Don't you think that as former project partners i would already have her-"

"You're clearly upset about her not being here, so shut up. Either take it or leave it, jackass." she bit back. How did she know? Shinsou has always had a resting bitch face which made it hard to read his emotions. How did she manage to figure it out? (God he was an asshole!)

"Yeah, please....i'm sorry. I could-"

"Please shut the fuck up, i don't want an apology from you. Take it and fix this shit. I hate seeing people mope and you're pretty much dying in a pit here." Togeike really gives no fucks and she was tired of the purple haired boy looking like a kicked puppy. She assumed it had something to do with you. When you started skipping class, Shinsou also started to look upset and wouldn't speak that often. It wasn't like Shinsou was shy, he just didn't see the need to speak all the time. So to see him become even more silent was concerning.)

He left school that day with a skip to his step. He has your number! He has a way of contacting you! Yet, he still knew that having your number wouldn't fix anything. You left him alone and it wouldn't be fair for him to barge back into your life without proving he's improving, that he's actually deserving of you're friendship at least....

The Sports Festival.....

He can prove himself to you there....

Everyone will see it, every student at UA has to be there for credit....you'll have to be there. You'll also have to participate for the start of it, so you'll have to interact with someone.

(This was it)

This was so much fun to write! Lets give this a slow build up to give him proper character development and redemption. The next part will be the Sports Festival and what he plans on doing to get you back. Let's set up that his intention is too for one, make an impression on the school for when he decides to transfer to the Art Course but also to make an impression on you and get you to notice him in a positive light. Our poor incel is trying his best ok....

[crystalsenergy]

Lilith placements as Blurryface [album from twenty one pilots]

it's just an analogy, a way of exemplifying. even more considering that I believe that the 12 signs of the zodiac and all asteroids, planets, etc. are like archetypes, present in us unconsciously, in our collective unconscious

Heavydirtysoul - Lilith in Scorpio

fear of death, constantly thinking about it; deep contact with your unconscious

"Can you save my heavydirtysoul? For me, for me [...] Death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit"

"I wasn't the only one who wasn't rushin' to sayin' nothin' This doesn't mean I lost my dream It's just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean"

Stressed Out - Lilith in Cancer

deep insecurity about how you’ll survive in this world, connection and a feeling of nostalgia for the womb and childhood

"Wish we could turn back time to the good old days When our momma sang us to sleep, but now we're stressed out"

"I was told, when I get older, all my fears would shrink But now I'm insecure, an' I care what people think"

"Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young How come I'm never able to identify where it's comin' from? I'd make a candle out of it, if I ever found it"

Ride - Lilith in Sagittarius

constantly thinking about the life and its meaning, lack of solid beliefs, wander in life

"I just wanna stay in the sun where I find I know it's hard sometimes Pieces of peace in the sun's peace of mind I know it's hard sometimes"

"I'd live for you," an' that's hard to do Even harder to say when you know it's not true Even harder to write when you know that tonight There were people back home who tried talkin' to you But then you ignore them still All these questions they're for real Like who would you live for? Who would you die for? And would you ever kill?"

"I've been thinkin' too much I've been thinkin' too much I've been thinkin' too much I've been thinkin' too much Help me"

Fairly Local - Lilith in Aquarius

not having an ability to accept everyone for who they are, always selecting people for "your group". a sense of loneliness. a feeling that you cant trust anyone.

"I'm fairly local, I've been around I've seen the streets you're walkin' down I'm fairly local, good people now"

"Yo, this song will never be on the radio Even if my clique were to pick an' the people were to vote It's the few, the proud, an' the emotional Yo, you, bulletproof in black like a funeral The world around us is burnin' but we're so cold It's the few, the proud, an' the emotional"

"Is that who I truly am? I truly don't have a chance Tomorrow I'll keep a beat an' repeat yesterday's dance"

Tear in my heart - Lilith in Pisces

it’s difficult to find yourself in the world, so you can become dependent on someone when this person show you a light. moreover, you're afraid to be fully intimate with people, and once you trust in someone, you hold this person in your life and can't trust easily in other people.

"Sometimes you gotta bleed to know That you're alive and have a soul But it takes someone to come around to show you how"

"She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire She's the tear in my heart, take me higher Than I've ever been"

"The songs on the radio are okay But my taste in music is your face"

Lane Boy - Lilith in Capricorn

rejection of what others say that you have to do in your life in order to become a successful person. you hate to listen what and how to create your path.

"Forget sanity, forget salary, forget vanity, my morality If you get in between someone I love an' me You're gonna feel the heat of my cavalry"

"They say, "Stay in your lane, boy, lane, boy" But we go where we want to They think this thing is a highway, highway But will they be alive tomorrow?"

The Judge - Lilith in Libra

focus on imperfections, a lot of self-judgment and also judgment of others, a feeling / fear of criticism, sensibility to judgment. indecision. 

"Three lights are lit, but the fourth one's out I can tell 'cause it's a bit darker than the last night's bout I forgot about the drought of light bulbs in this house So I head out down a route I think is heading south But I'm not good with directions and I hide behind my mouth I'm a pro at imperfections and I'm best friends with my doubt And now that my mind's out and now I hear it clear and loud"

"You're the judge, oh no Set me free, oh no I know my soul's freezing Hell's hot for good reason So please"

Doubt - Lilith in Leo

a fragile self-image, lack in maturity in ego / personality. you are afraid of be alone. you are afraid of being forgotten.

"Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity Scared of my own ceiling, scared I'll die of uncertainty Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety Don’t know what’s inside of me"

"Don't forget abou-bou-bou-bou-bout me Even when I doubt you (Doubt you) I'm no good without you, no, no"

"Hope you haven't left without me Hope you haven't left without me, please"

Polarize - Lilith in Gemini

difficulty in separate yourself from your anxiety, confused mind and depression; low confidence

"Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me down Those stairs is where I'll be hidin' all my problems Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me out My friends and I, we got a lot of problems"

"I wanted to be a better brother, better son Wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done I have none to show to the one I love But deny, deny, denial"

We Don't Believe What's on TV - Lilith in Taurus

the constant worry about your sense of significance, north and worth in life

"What if my dream does not happen? Would I just change what I've told my friends? Don't want to know who I would be When I wake up from a dreamer's sleep"

Message Man - Lilith in Virgo

a need of see everything making sense; a person that can't do something without a reason. always focusing on details, paying attention to every word that is said out there, recognizing its value and requiring that others do the same.

"You don't know my brain The way you know my name You don't know my heart The way you know my face"

"Life is up here but you comment below And the comments will always become common Motivation to promote your show's next episode So your brain knows to keep going even though hope Is far from this moment But you and I know it gets better when morning finally rears its head Together we're losers, remember the future Remember the morning is when night is dead"

Hometown - Lilith in Aries

lack of assertivity, lack of power in identity, identity that appears to be dissolved, feeling of weakness and incapacity. fear of unworthiness.

"Put away, put away all the gods your father served today Put away, put away your traditions, believe me when I say We don't know, we don't know how to put back the power in our soul We don't know, we don't know where to find what once was in our bones"

"Where we're from, there's no sun, our hometown's in the dark Where we're from, we're no one, our hometown's in the dark"

&

Goner - Lilith in Aries

"Though I'm weak and beaten down I'll slip away into this sound The ghost of you is close to me I'm inside out, you're underneath"

"I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath I wanna be known by you I wanna be known by you"

[storysofmyown]

Seven stages of Love Chapter 2: Philia

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to  want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.

Trigger Warning: Momentary anger, sadness. Let me know if I overlooked anything.

Word Count: 2683

Read on Ao3

Pondering, wondering, with a strain in the heart that no other but himself could lift. Yet, he didn’t have the means to lift it. The feeling overwhelmed him to the point where he hadn’t left the house at all during an entire week. To him it was simply unthinkable to have to submit himself to the stares and the actions of the people that noticed him. To think that all this time he thought he needed nothing more. Nothing more but those meaningless kisses that brought satisfaction.

Now the simple thought of a stranger’s hand to even as much as caress his cheek without any feeling made him feel sick to his stomach. He wanted to be cared for. But…it had to be a very specific kind of care. One so specific he didn’t know what it was but knew he wouldn’t find it any time soon. But…what even was it that he wanted? He knew what it was called, Belphegor had enlightened that much…but he didn’t know what it was. Was there a certain definition? Was there even something that would define the exact way he was feeling, with the exact solution he needed? Perhaps, something that could define all the aspects of that craving? He didn’t know, he didn’t even know what he was looking for. So, who better to ask than Satan?

He had hundreds upon hundreds of books. Surely, he must have something that defined that intense feeling. One that gave Asmodeus some sort of clarity. That defined it beyond a feeling. Beyond a lifestyle that many searched for in their lives but can never seem to reach entirely or are satisfied with. Surely, he must have something, right? Asmodeus thought for a moment as he walked outside of his room for the very first time in a while. One of his brothers had been checking up on him from time to time. But thanks to Belphegor they didn’t stay nor bother him much. He needed time to think. And he was thankful to them for caring in any way…but right now he needed some type of answer. Or something to point him in the right direction…just anything would be helpful.

He was on his way to Satan’s room. He was determined to knock, get some books, and start some kind of research…but sometimes things don’t go the way one wishes they did. Sometimes…something makes the path that one was entrusted on, divert for just a mere second…and that’s when everything in the future changes. For just that simple misstep, for just that look in another direction and the entire path that once laid in front of one is changed, unrecognizable. It might be easier; it might be far more difficult. Perhaps it was because his mind was far quieter than it had ever been, while simultaneously making so much noise it drove him insane during the nighttime, or maybe it was the way his expression had become blank and no longer was focused in maintaining that fake smile that had become permanent on his lips. Maybe it was all of them, none, a beat, a noise, a breeze…but his path changed. And with it, his quest in search of a definition, that would set his heart at peace.

Was he stalling? Was that why he was standing in front of Leviathans door, hearing the muffled sound of his older brother laugh? If he remembered correctly, there was a new game Leviathan was looking forward this week. He remembered the older demon having mentioned it a while back. He could hear the faint sound of music through the door, it was mostly muffled, and Leviathan cheers as he won made it harder to hear. He sighed once. Starring at the door before shaking his head. He should really just focus, he needed to go to Satan’s room. Besides it’s not like Leviathan would even give him the time of the day when he was consumed by one of his games or something like that.

So, he turned around, taking a deep breath for a moment as he took a step. But…as he already knew, things don’t go as they are planned at all. A plan that was set thousands of years ago when his aching body first arrived at the Devildom. A promise to enjoy himself to the last bit. A promise he had broken the moment those doubts came to mind. After all, if he had just fallowed his promise, he wouldn’t be here, in that very moment, with those particular thoughts that made his breath caught in his throat at Leviathan’s words. A certain shout caught his attention. Leviathan had won on his game, and this prompted him to shout, to celebrate, to leap in joy and exclaim to the world some words, a specific word. Words that Asmodeus could only dream of using that lightly someday.

“YES!!!  We did it! Good work, I knew we could!!" A giggle, and then a storm. "Henry, I **** you!!”

…he had to be joking, right? He couldn’t have heard that right. He must be in a state of dream or something. Leviathan…he…he wouldn’t just throw that word around like that, and to his damn fish of all things?!

“S-seriously?!” He spoke, before knocking the door, perhaps a little too sudden and harsh since he heard Leviathan gasp, a certain ache in his knuckles that he was barely aware of.

“Sorry Lucifer, I’ll try to make less noise!” He spoke, causing Asmodeus to roll his eyes.

“I’m not Lucifer.” He simply said, a pout on his lips as he crossed his arms and waited for Leviathan to open the door.

“A-Asmodeus?!” Leviathan’s voice came out shocked, he could hear struggle as Leviathan moved inside the room, something falling and him screeching before groaning, only to open the door and look at his younger brother, a small pout on his lips. “W-wha- I mean, w-when, I just…huh?” Levi was at a loss of words as he starred down at his brother, only for Asmodeus to roll his eyes a little and go inside the room. Not caring about Leviathan’s protest on how he had not said the secret password.

He entered the room. The blues and darkness within it, meant to reflect the ocean waves and the water element which his brother controlled along with all sea creatures…only reminded him of his room for a second. It was mostly the darkness. Since that night where Belphegor comforted him, Asmodeus refused to go out, his windows permanently sealed, and the lights turned off as he refused to acknowledge himself in the mirror by the pure fear he might despise what was staring back at him. By the fear that he might look and only find the lust he had started to loath so deeply.

His eyes flew to the screen that was on, the word “Victory” could be read, a controller left on the floor as Leviathan watched him with a slight embarrassed blush on the doorway. For some reason his eyes kept scanning the room. This was possibly the thousandth time he had entered to his brothers’ room and yet, this was the first time he felt like he was in the room, and not in his own head. It was a weird sensation. Entering a place so many times, but never actually seeing it. Recognizing it, or even as simply as placing his attention in anything that was not himself. It was Leviathan’s room, and if someone asked him to identify Levi’s room and showed him pictures, he could probably tell them it was this one. But if someone asked him, to number at least 3 things of his brothers’ room he would draw a blank and just point out that he only had one mirror in his bathroom, and that occasionally he could see his reflection on the big crystal wall from the fish tank. But besides that, he…he didn’t know anything else inside the room. This included himself, and his brother.

His eyes flew to Henry, as he walked over to the small fishbowl Leviathan put him in sometimes so he was beside him when playing. He kneeled in front of it as he starred at the fish. An eyebrow raised as he replayed the words he had just heard Leviathan exclaim on passing. Such a word…were…were they supposed to mean so much? Asmodeus had just started to think about them, he had yet even to find any meaning to, yet his brother was throwing it like that to his fish? He seriously couldn’t understand it, at all. He glanced over at Leviathan who was playing with his fingers while looking a little nervous at Asmodeus intrusion on what was his room, but there was something else. It seemed like he wanted to ask something, so, for that same reason Asmo decided to stay silent for a couple more seconds and see if his brother spoke. Thankfully, he did.

“…Asmodeus” He started, and by his tone the younger demon immediately regretted having let him talk. “…are you okay? I-I mean! Y-you are always partying and in clubs and talking with s-so many people…yet we didn’t see much of you t-this week…”

That…that was something hard to answer. Was there a reason for him not to be okay? Was there a reason for him to be okay? There were doubts in his mind, questions in his heart, needs that he had not been aware of until recently. But most of all…there was…there was a void that he didn’t understand. A void he had just become aware that existed within him. Asmodeus pressed his lips together, wondering for a moment. The silence filling Leviathan with anxiety as he looked down, taking deep breaths while awaiting for an answer.

“I…” he started; eyes focused on the small fish, “…heard you say something on my way here.” Was he avoiding the question? Or was this the answer in his own way? “I was surprised that the same words Belphie muttered to comfort me you would yell them at Henry.”

“Words? What are you talking about?” He wasn’t trying to act dumb; hell knew that was Mammon’s job, but he was certainly confused. Having his brother barge into his room like this, no explanation, and suddenly ask him things like this when he had been acting off the entire week…Leviathan was worried. They were all worried.

Asmodeus thought for a moment. Why was he even here? Between the two, it was entirely possible for him to know more about those words than someone who barely left the room to get food and left the house for 3 seconds every month. The idea that Leviathan, someone that was constantly so locked away from everything and anyone, would know more about that subject even though Asmodeus had put himself out in the world time and time again…it was almost insulting.

No.

No it wasn’t insulting. It just hurt to know that the loneliness he had believed to be new, turned out to be so old that he wondered if it had always been part of him. It just to think that everything he once thought he knew of himself, had started to crumble slowly.

“Levi…h-how can you say them to an animal?” His voice was soft and low, he was sure he had spoken, but the memories of the words leaving his lips was not present. For a moment, he caught his own reflection starring at him instead of his eyes focusing on the small goldfish. And in those eyes, he saw how powerful his sadness and desperation had become…his eyes damping in tears as he looked away, refusing to let anyone see that.

Leviathan eyes went wide at his younger brothers’ words. From all the things he expected him to say, that wasn’t it. Was that…what he said before Asmodeus entered the room, was that why his brother had barged in like that? He starred at him for what felt like ages, before clearing his throat a little and taking a step close to Asmodeus. Trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Normally he would ask what he meant and why he was asking something like that, but the way Asmo looked in that moment it was like he was begging for an answer and just that. An answer, something that gave him an idea of what it all meant and what he would make out of it. Leviathan sighed, closing the door behind him before sitting down on the floor, his back to Asmo as he knew he would not be able to answer the question if he was looking at him.

“H-Henry isn’t an animal, you know?” He started, taking the controller in his hands so that it gave him something to be distracted and consumed, something to help ignore the nerves he was feeling for some reason. “H-He is there for me even when no one else is, he celebrates with me when I win. And in some way listens to me whenever I'm rambling or even feeling down... I-I know I’m an anti-social otaku that no one cares about and that barely gets out of his room, but…Henry is here with me. Henry isn’t an animal or a pet.” He paused, thinking over his words, a small smile creeping to his lips as he chuckled a bit. This all probably sounded so dumb to someone like Asmodeus but to him it was his truth. “…Henry is my friend. W-which is why...which is why I **** him...”

Levi looked at his brother, a genuine smile as his hands gripped the controller a little lighter now. Expecting to hear him laugh and talk about how ridiculous he was, thinking such a thing. But nothing came from Asmodeus side for a long minute. Instead, there was only silent as he thought about it. Trough the fish tank reflection Asmo looked past himself, something he wouldn’t even consider to do before, but now, his eyes were focused on Levi's reflection, who was looking at him. But he couldn’t find the words to answer him at all. Levi cared for Henry…because Henry was his friend. No matter how he looked at it, it was something so simple to understand, yet Asmodeus couldn’t properly comprehend what it all meant.

“…friend, huh?” He finally spoke, now looking at the small fish that seemed to be completely uninterested in Asmodeus presence. “…you can feel that way towards your friends?” He didn’t know if he was answering Leviathan or if he was talking to himself. All he knew is that he felt a pang of loneliness when the realization settled as his eyes feel to the floor, shoulders visibly slumping.

He didn’t have anyone like that. Sure, he had people that admired and envied him, that wanted to talk and have a connection with him but, nothing was genuine. Nothing would be as sweet and sincere, as the care Leviathan felt for Henry because…because Henry was his friend. Asmodeus chuckled. Perhaps at the irony of the situation or maybe at his revelation, either way, he finally turned to Leviathan, a smile that his brother had never seen pestered in the face of the younger demon as he slowly got up. Walking to his older brother and planting a kiss on Leviathan’s forehead. Only to walk over to the door and opening it. Leviathan wanted to protest, to ask him why had wanted to know about that, or to just try and comfort his brother, but before he could say anything, Asmodeus spoke.

“…thank you, Levi. For telling me.”

It was the quietest he had ever heard his brother being. And yet, there was such a plead in his voice, asking to be left alone, asking to be given the time and space to think. Leviathan didn’t know what was the best option here, but who was here to deny his brother the comfort that came with being alone, to someone that needed it so much?

Philia: Deep, authentic bond. Pure and kind. From which friendships are born.

****

Hi~

Here is the second part of this fanfic! Overall, I really enjoyed writing Levi in this chapter, and I really hope you all had liked it as well! Next chapter will be up next Saturday as well, until then!!

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[tlou-1]

Joel x Reader - Home (Chapter 10)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 TBA

Chapter 10 - An Honest Conversation

It had turned cold in Jackson as October brought the winter months closer. You and Joel had stayed in bed a little longer than usual, it was harder to leave the bed when you could feel just how chilly the air was on your exposed arm that was wrapped around Joel. You shift slightly even closer to him resting your head on his chest you hear him make a peaceful humming sound, “Has anyone ever told you, that you make a fantastic pillow?” You say smiling. 

“Why thank you, maybe Sarah but no one has had the pleasure of using me as a pillow in recent years” he half laughs. 

It was still sometimes difficult for Joel to talk about Sarah but he was getting better. Gradually over time you had learned more and more about his life and him yours. He told you about Sarah, the crippling loss he felt and how he tried to keep going over the years. “I had a brother” you told him one night over dinner. Ellie stayed silent as Joel asked “What happened to him?”. You explained how your older brother Pat threw himself in-front of an unarmed and younger you, when he spotted a clicker coming at you. “He was protecting me but of course he got bit. Molly and I stayed with him for a bit but when he got worse, well we didn’t let him turn into one of those things” you couldn’t go into more detail. Joel reaches across the table and squeezes your hand when you cant look up from your plate. “I am sorry Y/N, that’s rough” Ellie says softly.

 Lying in bed on the cold morning thinking about the depths of which you and Joel were beginning to really understand each other, it made you feel as though you were intertwined in some way. You had shared similar experiences, emotions, trauma and it didn’t seem like either of you had ever shared that part of yourselves before. “Did you ever think we’d be here?” You sigh as you trace a scar on his chest. 

“What? In bed havin a lie in?” He responds sarcastically. Even after almost a year together, sometimes he would still prefer to avoid these conversations. You let out a fake laugh “ ha ha. No, living a somewhat normal life, in a place like this - you, Ellie and I living In a house, having meals together, having neighbours. I mean the women across the street from us is about to have her second child since moving here” you explain. 

Joel shifts a little beginning to sit up in bed and you move so that you are resting on your elbows. “I suppose not but I still cant forget the things that are out there Y/N. They ain’t gone and well as for Annie across the road her kids are great but I think bringing more into this world, it can be reckless” he says rubbing his tired morning eyes. 

“Reckless?” You say slightly shocked, Joel has always gotten on with the kids in town.

“Yeah, I just think that it’s so dangerous still and to bring someone new into this world, the kind of love you have for them… Well you’re putting them at risk and yourself through hell.” He replies. You could see how he was thinking, he had experienced the loss of a child and spends every minute of his day worrying about Ellie. “So you would never see that life for yourself again?” You question further, sitting up to face him. He looks conflicted as to his answer, his brows furrowing as he thinks on it. “I really don’t know, for starters I am getting a bit old for it but that didn’t stop Tommy and others here. I feel like I have a family with you and Ellie” he takes your hand and holds it against his bare chest. 

His eyes soften when you don’t respond, “What about you? It something you think about?” He probes. You weren’t sure either.  “I never thought about it before, a family, kids. It didn’t seem possible before I moved here and met you. I see the families, the parents with their babies and it looks beautiful, it makes me happy when I see it. But I also see the dangers out on patrol just like you” you sigh once you finish, “There really isn’t a right or easy answer Joel”. He kisses your hand softly and you both begin your day. 

Neither of you had patrols today, you had somehow managed to swindle a day off until tomorrow. You put on the record player and lounged about, reading with Bruce at your feet. Ellie was at school for the majority of the day and you could hear Joel in is woodshop. He had began humming along to the song that was playing which made you smile. You peered into his workshop soundly trying not to disturb him but just to observe him. There he was focused on a task at hand, dawning a plaid shit and humming along. 

“Hey Geppetto, what you working on today?” You call from the doorway and startle Joel. He seems flustered as he rushes to cover whatever he is working on “Nothing interesting, Darlin”. You make a noice that sounds surprised “Is it something for me?” You laugh and you try to get closer but Joel gets up and move you towards the door using his body insisting it wasn’t but all you could think of was how nice his warm body felt close to yours on a day this cold. You pull his arm around your back and use your other hand to pull his face down closer to yours to give you a kiss. He kisses you back as he closes the door to the wood shop behind you both and you push him back against it as your kiss becomes more desperate. Joel seems taken a back at your strength in the moment and you feel him smile under your lips. “Someone knows what they want do with their day off” he teases. You nod your head, with your forehead pressed to him “what about your book?” he smirks as your hand strays underneath his plaid his so you can feel the heat from him solid chest. “It wasn’t that interesting anyway” you laugh, pulling at his hand towards the bedroom. 

[marvels-agents100]

mnemosyne’s burden

the harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun

pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gender neutral ! reader

warnings: cm typical violence, mentions and allusions to sex, mentions of scars and trauma

word count: 5,317 ( aka why i cant ever get anything done )

author’s note: me ? writing ? never thought id live to see it. also the ‘ego’ line ( you’ll know which one it is ) was picked from the brains of @davidrossi-ismydad and @good-heavens-chris-evans

“Have a good weekend,” JJ said softly, pulling her arms around you, “Lord knows you deserve it.”

You rolled your eyes, smile sitting on your lips, “We all do, now go and see your boys.”

She chuckled, “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

With a small wave and a dazzling smile, she walked through the glass entrance of the BAU, her blonde locks swaying as she left. You watched her with a grin, her presence being the last bit of light in the darkened unit. Everyone had already found their way home, bones aching and eyes exhausted after the five day case on the west coast. Spencer had already been mumbling statistics about sleep deprivation on the jet ride home.

You glanced up to the office that perched by the top of the stairs, its yellow light illuminating the desolate bullpen. It was odd, how a naturally bright and joyful color could bring a heavy darkness into an already dark room. A sigh escaped you, originating in your chest, as you looked at the pensive profile of the one and only SSA Aaron Hotchner.

His eyebrows were pulled taught and low on his forehead, his left hand writing mercilessly on the sizable stack of manila folders before him. There were no pauses or hesitations in his work, just the incessant scratch of pen against paper.

Before you had even fully thought to, your knuckles were tapping on the wood of his office door, echoing slightly in the large room.

“Come in,” his voice was muffled and tired.

You entered the room silently, door clicking shut behind you. His eyes lifted briefly to acknowledge you, but quickly flickered back to the work before him. Now that you were closer, you could see the lines below his eyes. They were deep and purple, made worse with every letter he wrote. His shoulders slumped forward, heavy with the sorrow and guilt that followed every case.

“Do you plan on sleeping at all tonight?” You questioned, your slightly defiant tone earning another fleeting glance from him.

“You and I both know that you already know the answer to that question,” he said, voice monotonous. You huffed at his words, knowing he was right. Having known each other for many years- all the way back to law school- made you very aware of his sleeping habits.

“I might know the answer,” you sat on his leather couch, “but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

He set the ballpoint down and gave you his full attention, one of his eyebrows tilted upwards. “Did you need something?” He asked, professionally. You had to resist rolling your eyes.

“Aaron, please go home,” you nearly begged.

“You know I can’t do that, yet.”

“The papers and files will still be here on Monday,” you reasoned, “you deserve to sleep in your own bed and see your son.”

“He’s at a summer camp for the weekend,” he said dismissively, resuming his writing. 

Giving up on persuasion, you stood and crossed the room quickly, resorting to stealing the pen from between Aaron’s fingers. He looked up to you in disbelief, mouth parted slightly and eyebrows knotted in confusion.

“What are you-“

“You’re going to go home,” you interrupted, “and you’re going to pack a bag for the weekend.”

“I can’t-“

“You’re not going to think about work, and you and I are going to go up to Rossi’s cabin upstate,” you weren’t letting him get a single word in, “I was going to go by myself, but now you are obliged to take this small vacation with me.”

He shook his head slightly, “I have too much to do here.”

“And this building, and all of your work in it, will still be here in a few days,” you argued.

“I just don’t-“

“Aaron, please,” you lost the edge in your voice, looking at him with wide eyes. 

He had to look away from you, pushing aside the part of him that went absolutely feral every time you said his name like that.

“We come back Sunday night,” he wagered, meeting your eyes.

“We can be home before dinner,” you tried to hide the hope that laced your words.

His eyes searched your face for a moment, his mind contemplating your offer (while admiring you), “Fine. I’ll go.”

You smiled widely, placing the pen back into his palm gently, “Seven o’clock tomorrow morning, I’ll come and get you.”

You turned, steps lighter in the wake of your triumph, as you walked to the door. As it closed behind you, the ghost of a smile tilted at his lips, his eyes still watching the spot you stood in only seconds before. His pulse was racing, mostly out of excitement but also out of fear. Hiding the way he felt about you had only become more difficult after he realized he wasn’t involved in a brief crush, but he was in love with you-

“If you want me, then take me,” you wagered, your voice venomous, “but leave that girl alone.”

The UNSUB snickered, his gun aimed pointedly at the temple of the teenage girl that was encircled in his arm. You stood with your own weapon raised, the rest of the team clearing the house attached to the basement you were in. You prayed that they would stay above ground, at least until you managed to move the girl into a safer area, away from her attacker.

“Drop the gun,” he spat out, and you followed his orders, lowering it to the floor softly.

“If you want me,” you repeated, “take me, let her go.”

The barrel of his pistol was suddenly pointed to you, his grip falling away from the young girl’s neck. She stumbled to the corner of the damp room, curling into herself. Your hands were held up in surrender as he hurried towards you, yanking you away from the stairs by the edge of your kevlar. He kicked at the inside of your knees, making you kneel in front of him.

“If I want you,” he chuckled darkly, the smooth metal of his gun tracing your jaw, “In what way, darling? Don’t worry, both ways end the same, but one is much more thrilling.”

He crouched to your eye level, and you resisted the urge to spit in his face. Instead, you kept your expression neutral, refusing to give him any satisfaction of knowing the fear that coursed through your veins.

“I think it’s an important distinction to make, don’t you?” You could feel his breath hit your face as he talked, a sickening smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

He stood again, a bullet clicking into place as he pointed the gun at your forehead.

“Unfortunately for you,” he sighed, “I’m feeling a little impatient.”

Just as your eyes shut and you accepted your fate, a single gunshot echoed through the basement, followed by the sound of a body hitting the ground. You let out a strangled breath, slightly shocked by the fact that you could, in fact, still breathe. Your hardened demeanor crumbled, your hands beginning to shake as they lowered slowly. Two warm palms on your shoulders made your eyes open, the worried face of Aaron Hotchner hovering over you.

His eyes were so incredibly soft, his hands so incredibly gentle; it made you question whether or not you were in heaven.

“You’re okay,” he reassured softly, his hands guiding you to your feet, before tugging you towards him. You collided with his chest, his arms circling you completely as his face dropped to your shoulder. He was breathing heavily, as if he was holding his breath moments before.

If the kevlar of his vest wasn’t acting as a barrier, he was sure you would have heard the way his heart hammered against his ribs. He held you tightly, needing to feel you breathe in order to believe it, in order to slow his pulse. When your arms eventually winded around his waist- the shock of your brush with death wearing away- he had to stop himself from breaking down completely. 

In the mere moments he had heard the threats that were given to you and the click of a loaded gun, he felt a fear that hadn’t taken a hold of him since George Foyet roamed the earth. He didn’t think before pulling the trigger from the top of the basement stairs, he only acted upon his instinct- to protect you.

He cared about you- he knew that- but the pure dread that washed over him when he saw a bullet aiming for your skull… that was a feeling he had only had for one woman before you. The woman that he loved, even in the wake of her death.

And that’s when he knew; the small fluttering in his stomach and the acceleration of his pulse wasn’t because of a small, fleeting crush on you- he was in the process of falling completely.

***

You were, once again, knocking on Aaron’s door, a coffee in your hand for the undoubtedly sleepy man behind it. A few moments passed without any sound from inside the apartment, your ear coming to rest against the wood to find any sign of life. A second knock did little to bring about different results. When there was still no answer, you pulled your phone from your pocket and dialed his number.

It rang twice before he picked up.

“Hotchner,” he said, his voice thick with sleep, resembling a growl.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” you cooed, your voice sickly sweet, “now, as much as I enjoy looking at your welcome mat, I would much rather be staring at the wonderful scenery of northern Virginia.”

He groaned in response, immediately hanging up the call. You giggled, hearing him shuffle around as he made his way to the door.

It swung open, revealing an overall disheveled Aaron Hotchner. His eyes squinted, still adjusting to the light, and his hair laid in an adorably messy state on top of his head. The gray of his shirt was wrinkled and the hems of his flannel pants brushed the hardwood floors, but he somehow still looked so damn good. 

You held in your chuckle at the grimace on his lips, annoyance clear in his features.

“I don’t have a welcome mat,” he quipped, voice still crackling from his rest.

“Fabrication for the sake of comedy,” you explained, handing him his coffee and patting his chest lightly as you entered the apartment.

“I’m sorry I overslept,” he began, closing the door softly as a palm ran down his face.

“Don’t be,” you waved your hand at him, “just grab all of your things, I’ll drive the first half.”

The way you smiled at him made him question what he had done to deserve you.

“Sure thing, boss,” he joked, feet dragging as he walked towards his room. You chuckled at him, finding a spot on his couch as you waited.

He emerged no more than ten minutes later, pajamas traded for a pair of sweatpants and another plain shirt, messy hair slightly tamed, and a duffel slung over his shoulder. Without any hesitation, you let yourself look him over, drinking in how incredibly attractive he looked in everyday streetwear. 

“You ready?” You asked, eyes snapping back to his face.

“More than ever,” he grinned, taking his keys from the table near the door. You stood, smoothing your palms against your thighs in an attempt to calm yourself down.

“Then let’s get moving, we’ve got a long car ride of early 2000’s pop ahead of us,” you teased, almost skipping through his door.

“I will launch myself out of a moving car,” he deadpanned, “you know I will.”

“Don’t give me any ideas, Hotchner.”

The smile he gave you definitely gave you many, many ideas.

***

Aaron’s undeniably distracting snores were the soundtrack of the drive to Rossi’s cabin. You had stopped to refuel when you were halfway through the trip, but the way he slept- his elbow against the door and his cheek scrunched against his fist- made the very thought of waking him awful and cruel. His legs were curled up in the seat, feet adorned in socks that had multicolored polka dots on them (one of the birthday presents you picked out with Jack the November before), and everything about him just seemed so relaxed- you wouldn’t dare wake him up.

So, you settled in for the second half of the trip, soft music pouring from the radio over the sounds of a sleeping Aaron Hotchner.

The forest began to get denser, the patches of green becoming a sea of foliage lining the road, which was notably unkempt and unused. It was all so beautiful, the way the trees shrouded the ground with fallen leaves, or how they stretched upwards to touch the sky. It was enough to tilt your lips in a content smile, the cabin owned by none other than David Rossi peeking through the branches.

Rolling to a stop in front of the wooden cabin, you pulled the keys from the ignition. Aaron slept soundly beside you- he must have gotten little to no sleep the night before. You reached out and tapped his shoulder lightly. 

“Aaron,” you spoke softly. He stirred, but settled.

“Hey,” you shook him gently, “sleepy head, we’re here.”

“A little… longer,” he grumbled out, his words slurred and breathy, eyes never opening.

You leaned over the center console so you could whisper in his ear, “I will personally drag you out of this car, Hotchner, whether you are willing or not.”

He let out a long, annoyed sigh, his hand reaching to run down his face. When his eyes finally flickered open, he was met with you back in your own seat, wearing a smug grin. His gaze then flickered to the windows, taking in the cabin surrounded by nature.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” He asked, voice slightly graveled.

You shrugged, “I figured I would let you sleep, I was fine to drive.”

His head fell back onto the headrest of his seat, another sigh leaving him. With a worried expression, he looked back to you.

“You wouldn’t be able to drag me out of this car,” he said, and despite the plain and factual way his words came out, you knew he was teasing you.

“Is that a challenge?” Your eyebrow raised.

“Not a challenge,” he was visibly fighting the smile that threatened to reach his face, “just the truth.”

“Yeah, okay, you’re on.”

Without hesitation, you launched yourself over him, opening his door completely. His hands tried to keep yours from unbuckling his seatbelt, yours and his laughs filling the air. You let out a cry of triumph when a click sounded and the buckle retracted from around him, hitting the wall of the car with a metallic snap.

“I’m… winning!” you pushed against him, his dimples on full display as he lightly swatted your hands away.

“Not for long,” he giggled, fingers finding your sides (which he knew was a weak spot, and therefore was a cheap shot), and tickling you mercilessly. You let out a squeak, pushing away from him, your back landing against your door.

“That’s playing dirty,” you pointed a finger at him, smile still on your lips.

“Maybe,” he chuckled, “but I was right.”

“Eat my shorts,” you playfully rolled your eyes, moving to open your own door, “now let’s go, you can hibernate inside.”

“Oh, I plan on staying awake, now,” he called over the car, moving towards the trunk. He opened it while you stood beside him, waiting to grab your baggage, “I’ve already lost a whole car ride of annoying you; I have the rest of the day to make up for it.”

The shit-eating grin he sent you only left you a little breathless.

***

The night fell rather quickly, the tired sun dipping below the tree line with an eagerness you weren’t too sad to see. The stars, away from the city lights and fog, always looked so beautiful in the arms of the woods.

There was a small flame within the fire pit that was stationary on the land behind the cabin, by the edge of the woods. Head tilted back, your eyes roamed across the constellations, a satisfied smile on your face.

Aaron leaned in the back doorway, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes held nothing but adoration, looking at the way you admired the sky. Everything you did, no matter what it was, was just so endearing to him. It was just a side effect of love, he knew. You could do something as simple as making him a cup of coffee, or making sure he ate at least twice a day, and his heart would be left racing for hours to come. Even then, as you marveled at the sky, eyes wide as if it didn’t hang over you every night, he could feel an overwhelming rush of affection inhabit his chest.

His arms dropped to his side as he strolled towards you, a goofy smile resting on his face.

“Should’ve brought a telescope,” he said, plopping himself into the chair beside you.

Your head lulled over to look at him, smile widening, “I think they look just fine from here, don’t you?”

Your gaze returned to the lights above you, but his eyes remained trained on you. They softened, and he suddenly felt dizzy. The way your features looked against the background of the night sky was breathtaking.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “they do.”

His tore his sight from you, instead looking into the flame in front of him. Holding back the sigh that sat in his throat, he focused on the flickering embers that floated onto the ground. It was almost laughable, how helplessly he had fallen for you. With every moment you were beside him, he just felt himself descending further. You lived rent-free in his heart, and he didn’t ever intend on evicting you.

“It’s nice to sit and relax,” you sighed, Aaron’s eyes flickering to you.

“As much as I hate to admit that you’re right,” he leaned back in his chair, head tilting to the sky, “it is nice to not wear a suit and tie for a few days.”

“I told you so,” you mumbled, unable to fight the smirk that creeped onto your lips.

“What was that?”

“I said,” you met his eyes, “I told you so.”

“I can start walking,” he threatened, his dimples on full display.

“I won’t stop you, Hotchner.”

He stood, giving you a small wave before shoving his hands into his pockets and strolling towards the front of the house. You watched him, rolling your eyes at his antics. Running to catch up to him, you linked your arm with his, pulling him back towards the fire pit. You tried to ignore the way the contact sent a warmth down the length of your spine.

“Come on, Aaron,” you whined, “you’re only pouting because I was right, and you were not.”

“Am not-“

“Yes, you are,” you stopped and looked up at him, still wrapped around his arm. A couple seconds passed before you realized how you were pressed against the length of his body, and how his eyes jumped between your own, the brown hues darkening the longer he looked at you.

A hot, searing blush spread up your chest and to your face, making you release him and step away slightly. Unable to meet his eyes, you kept your gaze trained on the floor. It was completely fantastical, the thought of you and Aaron ever being together. You fought long and hard to push your feelings for him- feelings that had always lingered in your heart- deep into the back of your thoughts, but recently, they had been popping up in your mind more than usual. There was something about the way his hair fell onto his forehead, they way his dimples creased with every laugh, the way his eyes sparkled like the stars in the sky… it captivated you and took your heart hostage.

You had spent years silently loving this man.

You began to stutter out an apology, “I’m sorry I-“

“Hey,” he interrupted softly, your eyes meeting his, “I’m not.”

“What?” Your voice was just as quiet as his.

“I’m not sorry.”

You stood there, speechless and in shock. The pounding of your heartbeat was loud in your ears, your lungs empty and temporarily disabled. He looked back at you with an expression of worry- a worry of being rejected. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, reflecting upon your answer before you decided on what to say. 

“Really?”

Yeah, not exactly a scholarly reply, but you were in a bit of shock. 

“Really, really,” he chuckled slightly, but his eyebrows were still turned upwards from nerves. 

“God,” you sighed, “I want to kiss you.”

“I definitely won’t stop you.”

A wide, joyful smile filled your face, your feet bringing you towards him as your arms reached up to encircle his neck. His hands met your waist as soon as they could, pulling you to him as if your touch was the only thing keeping him breathing. Your chest met his, your lips mere inches from each other’s. 

“How long?” You whispered, asking a simple question you knew he would understand, fingers lacing through the hair sitting on the back of his neck. 

His knees almost gave out at the feeling of your breath on his lips, “Too long.”

And with that, you crashed your lips onto his, his arms immediately winding around you and squeezing you to him. It was a sweet, sweet relief, finally kissing the man you had been pining over for years. You could feel your stomach leap into your throat, your heart threatening to break through your ribs. The feeling of emptiness that usually occupied your chest had disappeared completely, filled with the love you held for the man that held you. 

He wasn’t much different, heart racing and stomach churning. Loving you has been a wonderful form of self destruction, breaking down the thick walls he had built around himself to prevent vulnerability. You tore those walls down without apologies, and he had taken a chance in letting you, and wasn’t he glad he did. The darkness that encapsulated him had become the rays of sun that leaked through drawn curtains, your smile laced in every stream of light. 

Pulling away from you, his chest rose and fell against your own, love struck smiles on each of your faces. He released you slightly, your hands trailing down his arms until your palms met. Lacing your fingers with his, you pulled him with you as you walked towards the house, your grin never faltering. 

“We have to put out the fire,” he protested, tugging you in the opposite direction. 

“Aaron,” you spoke lowly, “I swear on all things holy,” you pulled him until his chest met yours, your mouth hovering by his ear, “make it quick.”

You released him, walking backwards for a few steps before turning and ascending the stairs of the cabin porch, disappearing inside. 

And, well, he definitely followed your directions. 

Within record time, he was inside, pushing you against the wall of the master bedroom, hands holding your wrists above your head, lips attacking your neck. 

“This is way better than what I imagined this weekend being like ,” you breathed out.

His kisses reached up to your jaw, his nose dragging along your cheek as he lifted his head, “And what did you imagine, sweetheart?” His voice held a dark and smooth tone. 

“Well, a bit more sleeping, maybe a game of solitaire,” you smirked, “all the stuff old guys like to do.”

His eyes darkened even more, and you swore you heard a small growl come from him, “You’re a brat.”

He kissed you roughly, your lower lip dragging between his teeth. Releasing your hands, he hiked up the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and discarding it with a toss over his shoulder. You matched his actions, fumbling for his shirt and lifting it over his head before it floated to the floor. Slowly, your fingers and eyes trailed from his shoulders to his chest, then his stomach, gently touching the scars that littered his abdomen. He stepped away when you grazed the rough skin.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly, eyes studying the carpet below his feet.

You looked up at him, seeing the embarrassment and shame painted into his features, “Don’t apologize.”

He chuckled warily, “Bit of a mood killer.”

You sighed, fingers wrapping around his chin and tilting his head until you could see his eyes.

“I’m not going to tell you that these scars make you stronger, or that they’re a reminder of what you survived,” your hand ran through his ebony hair, “because you have always been strong, you’ve always been a survivor, and a couple scars don’t change that.”

He was still discouraged, and you could feel a pain in your chest simply from how completely broken he looked.

“Look, Aaron,” you spoke gently, “these are horrible reminders of a horrible time in your life, and you don’t need to romanticize them in order to accept them. And, when I see them,” your fingertips traced a particularly large scar on his stomach, “I see a part of you, and every part of you is perfect to me,” you looked back to his eyes, “and you, shirtless, is the complete opposite of a mood-killer.”

His eyes searched yours, his palm reaching to rest upon your cheek, “What have I done to deserve you?”

You smiled sweetly, holding his face and kissing him softly, “I could say the same about you, but I figure I shouldn’t inflate your ego.”

He hissed as if he touched a hot stove, head turning away from you slightly.

“Ouch,” he chuckled, “I take it back.”

“No you don’t,” you whispered as you pulled his lips to yours again.

“No, I don’t,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Now,” your arms wrapped lazily around his neck, lips ghosting over his, “stop stalling and put that big ego to use.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” he growled, and he kept his word until the sun came up.

***

It was the pleasant and light chirping of the birds that woke you. Your eyelids cracked open to see sunlight draped over the room, spilling onto the white sheets that rested upon your body. A low groan sounded from behind you, the arm draped over your waist tightening slightly.

“Good morning,” his voice slipped out as a rumble of words, sleep weighing heavily on him.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty,” you twisted yourself so you laid on your back, fingers tracing along and forearm wrapped around you.

“Sleep well?” He asked, leaning forward to place gentle kisses just below your jaw.

“Mhm,” you hummed, eyes closing languidly. He chuckled against your skin, repositioning himself so he leaned on his elbow, hovering above you. The dark strands of his hair poked up in every direction, his half lidded eyes shining the color of honey in the morning light.

“Did you?” You whispered, playing with the hair just above his ear.

He pretended to bite at your hand, “Better than usual.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you winked, letting out a giggle when he nuzzled himself into your neck. He immediately decided it was his favorite sound.

“Let’s just lay here all day,” he sighed, lifting his head from you once again.

“I would love nothing more,” you ran a hand through his messy hair, “but you told Jess you would be home by dinner, and Jack gets back tonight.”

“Just an hour, then,” he wagered, “I’ll drive the entire way home.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but you knew you would give in. There was no denying the persuasions of Aaron Hotchner when he wore the dawn like a halo, smiling at you like you were the only thing that existed on earth.

“Fine,” you drawled, “but only because you’re cute.”

“Damn straight,” he poked at your sides, smiling wider when you let out a squeak.

“Don’t even start,” you threatened, “we are having a good morning.”

“Oh, I just can’t help myself,” his hand ghosted over your side, sending a shiver through you, “I just love to hear you laugh.”

“You’re soft,” you rolled your eyes, leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips. He followed you as your head landed on the pillow, keeping his lips pressed to yours. Arms winding around his shoulders, your body molded to his. You almost whined when he pulled away from you.

He was scanning over your features, a certain sparkle in his eye and a content smile on his face.

“What?” You asked quietly, “What is it?”

“I-“ he cut himself off, biting his lower lip to keep himself from talking.

“Aaron,” you held his face in your hands, “what is it?”

“I just…” he hesitated, but the way the sunlight soaked into your skin and reflected into your eyes made it impossible for him to hold his tongue any longer, “I just love you. So much.”

The world froze around you, breath and heart stopping alike. All you saw was his face, the honey of his brown eyes, the warm smile on his lips. It was almost overwhelming, how purely beautiful he was, with a golden light enveloping him, making him impossibly soft.

“You love…” your words were merely a breath, any and all strength from your voice lost, “I… I love you, too”

He let out a small laugh- a sound you could listen to until your heart halted permanently and your lungs could no longer breathe- an expression of absolute, unbridled joy consuming his features. Shaking his head slightly, his forehead met yours gently.

“I love you,” he whispered, the words tumbling from his lips and onto yours, and God, did they taste sweet.

“I love you,” it was a mantra, a prayer, and he couldn’t stop himself from repeating the three words he held in the privacy of his thoughts for far too long.

Your fingers gripped onto his raven hair, your smile wide and giggling, “I love you, too.”

His lips met yours in desperation, kissing you with a feverish passion, as if he would never see you again. You let your hands explore the soft skin of his shoulders, trailing along his arms.

“Please don’t make me leave this bed,” his lips brushed yours with every word he spoke.

“Not now,” you promised, a compromise, “later.”

“I will take every minute,” he sighed, reconnecting his lips to yours.

And it was beautiful, the way his hands caressed you, the way his kiss lingered. He kept his word, cherishing every last moment with you. If he could, he would’ve begged the sun to stay in it’s waking state, stretching the morning for an impossible amount of time, simply to spend it in your arms and under the sheets. But, the day continued on despite his wishes, and the dread and fear of leaving you was one that settled heavily in his stomach.

It wasn’t until he reached his home, your hand intertwined with his, your smile warm and inviting, that his awful feelings were able to disappear.

It took one look at you- with the way your eyes latched onto him like he had hung every star in the sky, your skin illuminated by the soft hues of the sunset- then he knew, the love you shared would bring you back together, no matter how far the world tried to tear you apart.

“I love you,” your eyes sparkled as you spoke. He thought of the sky over the cabin.

“I love you,” he replied, “so much.”

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[shotokimchi]

Promise (Dad!Kirishima x Fem!Reader)

A/N: Kirishima was your first love and when you had to leave, he fucked up but he is going to win you back!

"Daddy, wake up!" when he opened his eyes, Mizuki was sitting on top of him, squeezing his cheeks. "Daddy come on! You are gonna be late for work!" Kirishima finally managed to open his eyes and looked at his daughter, she was already in her white dress that had daisies on it. He smiled at his daughter and looked at her beautiful crimson eyes. Her hair color was pink just like her mothers, her teeth werent like his but her eyes were just like his. "Im up, sunshine." He smiled and Mizuki gave him a kiss on the cheek "Im waiting for you in the kitchen, daddy." then she left, she was just 7 but she was acting like an adult, she was always so mature but kind and loving at the same time. Kirishima looked at the door that her daughter closed and sighed he quickly took a shower and got dressed. Then he looked at the time and gasped 7.45 am ?! he had 15 minutes then his phone rang and he looked at the contact info "Y/N" his heart started to beat faster. You were his one and only L/N Y/N, his highschool crush... His dream was becoming a hero and having you by his side, now he was a hero and you were always by his side but thats not how he wanted to and he was going to change that.

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Everything happened in your second year in U.A, your father was running a business in America and you were staying with your mother in Japan but your father wanted his family next to him. You got in an argument with him, your mother knew how hard you worked , you were a successful student, Mr.Aizawa was hopeful about your future, life was perfect with your loving friends, your high grades but he was the main reason why you worked so hard. His name was Kirishima Eijiro, you had a crush on him since the first year of U.A high. Your sunshine... Everyone knew what was happening between you two and your friends supported you till the end. One day when you were listening to Present Mic's lecture the door of your classroom suddenly opened and Principal Nezu called you, you could feel the confused looks your classmates gave you. You quietly stood up and followed him, Kirishima was worried. When Principal Nezu opened the door of his office you saw your father sitting there with your mother, at first you were so happy to see them "Father! You came back from America?!" He smiled, but then he got serious, Principal told you to sit down and started to tell you that your parents were going to move to America and they wanted you to come with them. You were furious you talked about this before and told them that you wanted to stay at U.A but now Principal Nezu was trying to explain that people need to make hard decisions sometimes. You started to cry... You were going to leave everything behind, what about him? Your sunshine? Then the door opened and Mr.Aizawa appeared, he wasnt pleased by the information of you leaving, he tried to convince your parents but it didnt work. When you heard the bell rang you got up, bowed to Principal Nezu and started to walk towards your classroom then you heard All Might, he was jogging towards you, he gave you a hug and told you to work harder. He knew how determined and strong you were "Young L/N, never give up, we trust you especially Mr.Aizawa." you gave a weak smile and started to walk again, he sighed and tought *You are strong L/N.* when you arrived your classmates immediately walked towards you, you tried to explain that you needed to leave for your fathers job and all of a sudden you broke down... You were crying while Momo was patting your back and Uraraka was hugging you. Thats when Kirishima stepped in the classroom. He saw you and his eyes widened, your red eyes bc of crying, shiny tears... He tought that you got hurt, he ran towards you and kneeled in front of you. Your body acted on its own, you wrapped your arms around his neck and cried. "E-eijiro..." This was the first time that you called him by his first name, his eyes met yours "I dont w-wanna..." you were trying to speak between your loud sobs, everyone got more worried. "Hey... Its okay Y/N, take your time." He smiled and squeezed you. "I dont wanna leave..." He leaned back and looked at your eyes "You dont wanna leave?" he asked, you started to explain everything that happened, when you finished his brows were furrowed, he clenched his teeth, the love of his life were... Leaving? "W-what? You are going to live there?" You nodded and looked at the floor. No one wanted you to leave. After packing your things in your dorm, everyone was gathered in the common room to give you warm hugs, even Bakugou was there. When you hugged everyone, you looked at your sunshine... His eyes were glued to the floor you knew he was trying so hard to not to cry, you walked towards him and took his hands, he didnt wanted to cry while you were leaving "My sunshine..." his eyes widened, you never called him that. Yes, he knew that both of you were crushing on eachother but it was just flirting, shy smiles and gettin protective. Tears started fall from his eyes "How can you look so manly and beautiful while crying?" You smiled and his cheeks were getting warmer. "I promise you, i will work hard for you then im going to come back." He looked at you, you were tearing up too... "Y/N..." his voice was trembling, "Im going to work hard too... Im going to be the strongest so please count on me!" his tears were falling to his shirt, you smiled between your tears and hugged him. Everyone was silent it was like a scene from a sad movie. Kirishima closed his eyes, then he felt something soft on his cheek, when he realized that you pecked his cheek, his eyes started to shine and a small smile appeared on his lips. "Thats better." you said and smiled back. "Keep texting me ok?" he asked and you nodded then you took your suitcase and left the building. Ofc he cried...

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Then everything started to get complicated, you were attending to a prestigious school in America but it wasnt lively like U.A everyone looked so cold and fake. You finished highschool with high grades and the texts you sent to Kirishima started to get shorter and shorter. He understood that you were having a hard time with college and stuff so he respected you but being so far away from you was hard for him. When you felt like you were going to give up you always remembered the promise that you made *Im going to work hard then come back.* that promise always boosted your energy. It was the same for Kirishima, he always tought about the promise he made and worked harder to become a strong hero.

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One day, when you were taking a walk with your mother at a park, you accidentally dropped your phone in the lake and bought a new phone, your contact list was gone but luckily the girls wanted your number by messaging your social media accounts. The texts that you send to Kirishima were pretty short and propably once a month, it was the same for him. When you were talking with Uraraka on the phone she accidentally let something slip from her mouth and that crashed you. "Y/N look, you know having a long distance crush is very difficult and since both of you have goals you cant start a relationship but Kirishima has female friends and they are kinda affecting him..." You were broken, Uraraka panicked bc of the silence and you asked "Who?" she gulped and said "Mina..."  you froze, Uraraka explained that theres nothing going on between them but she had some suspicions about Mina having a crush on him and she told you that Mina loved you but feelings couldnt be controlled. Their relationship was affecting him bc they were close but you were so far away... Your college was in America and your father didnt let you leave, you really needed to see your friends, ask about Mina and Kirishima's relationship, Kiri was your sunshine and you trusted him. After gathering your courage you decided to call Mina...

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Kirishima was sitting on the couch with Kaminari and Bakugou, Mina was in the kitchen and Sero was sitting on the floor. "Come on Mina, we already chose the movie!" Kaminari yelled. Mina came with a bowl of popcorn and looked at the guys. "Umm where am i gonna sit?" she asked, Kirishima was sandwiched between his friends. "Tch, on the floor." Bakugou replied with a cold tone. When you left, Bakugou made a silent promise to himself to support his buddy but Kiri being close with Mina was pissing him off because he knew you were working hard for him, Bakugou didnt told anyone but he was texting you sometimes and you always told him that you were working hard and trying to come back, he felt so mad. While you were working your ass off, Kiri was having fun with Mina and making things complicated for both of them. Bakugou once said "What are you trying to do, shitty hair? Dont you love L/N or somethin' why are you letting Racoon eyes flirt with you? If you want to be a hero keep your promises first." He didnt mean to be harsh but someone needed to warn Kiri. Kirishima sighed and said "Dont be rude bakubro!" and smiled. Mina started to push Kaminari and he sat on the floor then she sat next to Kiri and put her legs on his lap, Bakugou made an unpleased noise. Just then, Mina's phone rang and it was on the floor, Kaminari quickly looked at the contact info and said "It's Y/N!" the blood drained from her face and Kirishima's heart stopped. Mina quickly grabbed the phone and excused herself. Kirishima was frozen on the couch, Bakugou looked at his friend and sighed... Mina quickly closed the door and answered "Hello Y/N?" when you heard her voice your heart started to beat faster, you didnt wanted to accept the fact that she was gettin intimate with him. "Mina, i need to ask you something." Mina gulped normally your voice was always energetic but now it was irritated and cold. "Are you dating with Kirishima?" her heart stopped the next question only made her panic more "Do you like him?" her throat was dry, hands were cold and mind was spinning. Kaminari got up and started bite his nails he looked at Kirishima, his eyes were on the floor, his was avoiding eye contact. Bakugou smirked, he was proud of you but he was mad at the same time how could something like this happen? You guys made a promise and Kiri didnt even bother to tell you that he was flirting with Mina. "Uh... Should i go and check on her?" Sero asked. "Shut up and sit." Bakugou replied then they heard Mina scream and she got louder, they all panicked except Bakugou. On the other hand your voice was trembling with anger "WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM?!" you were yelling at this point "WHILE YOU GUYS WERE GETTING LOVEY DOVEY, I WAS TRICKING MYSELF WITH STUPID ASS FAKE PROMISES THAT WE MADE!" you started to cry... Mina was only gettin louder cuz she didnt had the right to defend herself then she hung up on you. You broke down and started to cry, on the other line Mina started to tear up too. 10 minutes later Mina came out of the room 4 pair of eyes were looking at her with curiousity. She didnt said anything and started the movie then Bakugous phone got a notification and he got up. It was from you, he sighed and started to head towards the kitchen but Kirishima stopped him, Kiri had an anxious look in his eyes but it looked like regret too. "Watch the god damn movie im coming shitty hair." then he left, Kiri was looking at the TV but his mind was a complete mess he was making theories. Bakugou opened his phone and saw your name on it, he sighed and looked at the message that you sent to him.

You: Bakugou, i called Mina, i know i promised you that i was going to be strong and work hard but i cant take it anymore. Mina confirmed the fact that she was having some sort of thing with Kiri and i dont know,i feel so weak. 

Bakugou: Dont feel weak bc of people, never. If you wanna make them regret it, stay strong.Dont forget that. Shitty Hair is the one who broke the promise isnt he? Why do you feel weak, he should be the one who's feeling weak. Stupid y/n what am i gonna do with you huh?

You: Bakugou, thank you. Im gonna get stronger and when i come back, lets eat some spicy food, ok?

A small smile appeared on his face and he sighed.

Bakugou: You better get stronger, its a promise now. Dont chicken out cuz when you say spicy i expect something spicy. 

You looked at your phone and smiled, having someone strong like Bakugou as a friend was such a blessing. Bakugou on the other hand sat on the couch and he had a genuine smile on his face. His friends started to look at him with surprised eyes and he gave them a 'the fuck you want?' look then continued to watch the movie.

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One year later...

You opened your mail box and saw an invitation, you looked at it, it was written 'Midoriya x Uraraka Wedding Invitation' on it, “THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED?!” You screamed and called Uraraka, she said that she really wanted to see you on her wedding with Deku. Everyone missed you so much and since it was an important event your father would porpably let you go. You quickly asked for permission and he said yes. You quickly looked for a dress then found a gorgeous royal blue dress and silver earings with a necklace. Your father quickly booked you a room from a luxurious hotel and you packed your things. Your flight was comfortable, when you came to the airport you saw Momo and Shoto, Momo ran towards you with teary eyes and hugged you, Shoto gave you a warm hug and took your suitcase. Your friends knew about the fight with Mina so they made a plan to keep you away from eachother. You were going to be with Momo, Jiro and Uraraka while she was going to be with Tsuyu and Hagakure for the most of the time. Shoto and Momo dropped you at your hotel and gave you some time to relax. You quickly took a shower and layed on the queen sized bed. The wedding was at 7.00 pm so you set an alarm to 5.00 pm and decided to take a nap. A phone call woke you up, it was from Jiro she asked you if were ready or not and you quickly started to dress up then you got a call from the front desk saying that you have a visitor. It was Momo, when she saw you she let out a gasp "Y/N, you are beautiful!" you smiled and she started to design your hair. Then you helped Momo wih her make up and quickly left the hotel, Shoto was waiting outside. When you got in the car, your stomach started to burn Kirishima was going to be there... After the fight you didnt had a conversation with him and blocked him. Momo sensed your anxiety and held your hand.

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Kirishima didnt had a clue, he didnt know that y/n was coming, so many things happened in a year. He asked Mina if she wanted to be his partner for the rest of his life but he didnt proposed, he tought it was too early and he couldnt get someone out of his mind 'y/n'. Whenever he tought about her, his heart started to beat faster and faster. His mind was a mess, he was trying so hard to move on with Mina but his heart was always telling him the opposite. He wore a tuxedo and put a crimson rose on his suit. Bakugou was gettin ready at the bathroom. Then he saw his bro's phone on the bed, a notification popped up, he quickly grabbed the phone, then he saw it. 'Message from y/n: Baku im on my way with Mo and Sho!" He stopped breathing and threw the phone to the bed. Just then Bakugou came out and when he saw a pale Kiri, he got worried. "The hell Shitty Hair? You saw a murder or somethin?" Kiri gulped and shook his head. "Hahaha, you are funny bro, come on lets go!" he started to make new theories his best friend and y/n were... talking? Were they...? No. Bakugou wouldnt do that to him. Bakugou grabbed his phone and looked at the message, he smiled to himself and left the house with Kiri.

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"Y/N!" Ojiro walked towards you, "Ojiro-san! Oh, its been so long how are you?" you started to chat and he showed you the table that reserved for class A. When you walked towards the table you saw your friends Kaminari, Tokoyami, Hagakure, the others and... Mina. You made eye contact for a second then she averted her eyes. "Y/N, you look amazing!" Hagakure said. You thanked then had a little chit-chat with her and Tsuyu. "Uh, Kaminari? Where is Bakugou?" You asked and some of your friends looked at you. Kaminari knew that you were close with Bakugou in some way bc he accidentally saw some of your texts and he didnt know that Bakugou could be soft. He was relieved that someone was supporting you. "Dont worry, he is on his way!" he said. Then Momo came and took a seat next to you, all of a sudden she took your hands in hers and you looked at her. "Y/N, calm down and slowly stand up okay?Bakugou is here... with Kirishima." Your eyes widened, Momo saw your expression and squeezed your hand. You stood up turned around and your eyes immediately met with crimson ones but luckily it was Bakugou's and you gave a sigh of relief. He smirked and walked towards you, you smiled. "Hey, how are you Bakugou?" he snorted "I should be the one asking you that." oh Bakugou and his attitude. Then your eyes drifted to his left and you stopped breathing, Bakugou quickly saw the change on your face and turned around, Kirishima was standing behind him with wide shiny eyes. You quickly averted your eyes and sat down. Bakugou grabbed Kiri's wrist and they sat down. Your friends were chatting to ease the tension but you were looking at your hands in your lap a waiter came and offered you some wine, when you started to sip it Mina started to tell Tsuyu about her wedding plans and you stopped on your tracks. Bakugou was watching you carefully. "Kiri and i are thinking of something simple, he still thinks its early but we have plans for our future." what... future...? Everyone went silent and Tsuyu nodded at Mina, then she turned at you and asked "By the way Y/N how was America? Are you seeing someone at the moment, you are pretty succesful and beautiful." Your father introduced you to his business partners sons but you always tought about Kirishima. *Ok then lets play dirty Kiri.* you tought and started to talk "Well, America is good but Japan has a special place in my heart, also yeah there are some guys that my father introduced me to and im not so sure yet but there is one..." you trailed of and gave a side glance to Kirishima, he was directly looking at you. Well you lied, you refused all of those guys but you wanted Kirishima to get hurt (emotionally ofc) "Oh my, foreign guys are interesting arent they?" Hagakure giggled and you decided to go with the flow so you nodded and giggled back. Kirishima was squeezing his fists, he hid them under the fancy table and clenched his teeth. He had a big ache in his heart. Then all of a sudden someone touched your shoulder and you turned "Hey, hey, hey Y/N!" your eyes widened "Fatgum!" you stood up and hugged him, he patted your shoulder. "How's your father doing huh? When are you going to move here?" he asked, you smiled and huffed "Well he wants me to work at his hero agency." Fatgum furrowed his brows and opened his mouth "You know Y/N, the crime rate in America is higher than Japan, you have a strong quirk and i really need someone like you in my agency, why dont you work with me?" Kirishima's breath hitched in his throat and quickly looked at you "Oh, well if my father lets me then why not?" Kiri's eyes shined so Fatgum's "He is my old friend dont worry i will convince him!" he laughed and left than you sat down and met with Momo's confused face. She whispered in your ear "Y/N, Kirishima is going to work at his agency..." Your eyes widened then you started to think, you were going to accept his offer and took revenge from Kirishima, he was going to see your face everyday and you were going to do everything you could to make him suffer.  "Its okay Momo, i got this." You winked at her and she gave a worried smile. Then the lights go off and you saw Uraraka and Midoriya, they danced and started to talk with the guests, Uraraka quickly saw the table for Class A and ran towards you, you stood up and hugged her "Y/N, you came!" she was getting emotional so do you, "I cant miss this now, can i?" you both giggled and Midoriya appeared "Welcome back Y/N!" you smiled and said "I'm home..." then everyone at your table looked at you with wide eyes, you just made your decision in 5 minutes, you were going to stay at Japan. "Y-you are staying here?!" Uraraka almost shouted and you nodded. "Well, i saw Fatgum and he made an offer so... Guess im movin here!" Uraraka started to tear up and you hugged her "Hey! No crying, beautiful lady!" she laughed and squeezed you tighter. They continued to talk with other guests and Jiro turned at you "We should celebrate this Y/N!" Tsuyu and Momo nodded. "Hey, what about us?" Kaminari whined. "No boys allowed!" Jiro frowned at him. After the wedding Shoto dropped you at your hotel and you quickly made a phone call, your father answered the phone and you started to tell him about the wedding and Fatgum, when he heard his close friends name he laughed and started to listen carefully, you told him about his offer and he went silent, he told you that he needed to talk with Fatgum and hung up. You sighed and layed on your bed.

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Two years later...

You woke up and took a quicky shower, it has been two years and you started to work at Fatgums' agency, he always supported you and told you to do your best. Magically, he managed to convince your father telling him the rising crime rate at America and how Japan is safer. So many things happened in two years Kirishima and Mina got married, Uraraka was pregnant and you were pretty popular in the agency, everyone was talking about how strong you were but it didnt matter because it has been 5 months... Kirishima and Mina were married for 5 months and it hurted like hell ofc you didnt showed up at their wedding and Uraraka told you that the tension at the wedding was pretty thick but that was none of your business. You quickly got in your car and drove towards the agency, you only talked with Kirishima during the missions and it was obvious that he wanted to talk to you but you always took a step back and ignored him, whenever you called his name bc of paperwork, his eyes shined like a little boys. It was weird, he was married so why was he making things complicated for you?

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Kirishima was getting ready for work but he didnt wanted to go, yesterday was terrible. He was having problems with Mina since the day they got married. Mina was always attacking him with "You dont love me Eijiro!" and "Do you still love her?!" or "If you are confused why did you wanted to marry me?!". But yesterday was terrible. When he came home from work, Mina was sitting at their couch with a plastic thing in her hand, she told Kiri to sit and started to explain that she got... pregnant. Kirishima loved kids but they didnt had a healthy relationship, he was still questioning himself about his feelings and you were working at his agency. He got up and washed his face and Mina started to cry. Ofc they were going to have the child but Kiri was sure now. He never loved Mina, he always wanted a child from you but that was not going to change the fact that the baby in Mina was his and he promised himself to love the baby no matter what. He quickly grabbed his keys and left the apartment. When he arrived at the gate of his agency and parked his car, he saw you. He was trying so hard to melt the ice wall that you created. He quickly jogged towards you "G-good morning!" you looked at him and nodded when you started to walk he followed you and when he opened his mouth to start a conversation his stomach growled loudly. You quickly raised an eyebrow and his face turned red he quickly chuckled and scratched his head you looked at the paper bag in your hand and opened it, he curiously looked at you and you handed him a muffin and a cookie. "F-for me?" he asked, you replied "What do you think?" he smiled and took it "Thank you..."

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You quickly sat at your desk and started to write some stuff then a woman came "Lady Magma, the interns are waiting for you." that was your hero name 'Lady Magma' Your quirk was Lava, if you touch an object you can melt it or if you stare at something and activate your quirk it starts to melt and turns to lava. "Im coming." you stood up and left. Kiri looked at your desk and an idea popped in his head. When lunch time came you noticed that you forgot your phone on your desk. When you approached your desk you saw a paper bag and opened it, there was some muffins and donuts in the bag. You raised your eyebrow and noticed the little note 'Enjoy the muffins -Kirishima' You gulped and took a donut, when you had a bite you noticed the falling tears from your eyes. Kiri left early from work and started to head towards Bakugou's house, he sent him a quick text and Bakugou told him that he was on his way. His hands started to tremble just when he was trying to make it up to you, Mina was telling him that she was pregnant. He needed Bakugou's advice. When Bakugou came he saw Kiri sitting on a chair, his hands were pulling his hair. "What happened again, Shitty hair?" he asked but when he saw his friends eyes filled with tears he quickly took of his coat. "Oi Kirishima, why are you crying?" he sat down and Kiri opened his mouth "Mina is pregnant." Katsuki's eyes widened, he didnt know what to say bc Kiri didnt looked happy. "Just when im trying to fix things with Y/N..." the tears continued to fall and thats when Bakugou snapped, Kirishima was his best friend but he needed to be realistic. "How are you trying to fix things with her? Kirishima you broke your promise, you know that right? She trusted you and you wounded her! Then you got married with racoon eyes and you expect your marriage to be good, you dont even love her! Stop living in a dreamland and be realistic for a second, Y/N moved on, even if she still loves you, she managed to move on. You made a mistake so stop playing with her mind and feelings. She is trying to forget you and since your 'WIFE' is pregnant she is going to get sad again, thats enough let Y/N breathe." Then he got up and poured a glass of water. "I dont know what to do..." he looked at Bakugou and sighed. "What do you feel? If you dont love racoon eyes why are you sticking with her? Think carefully Kirishima, im going to take a shower." Then he left. Kirishima closed his eyes and started to think "What do i feel...?" He knew everything, he knew that he was still in love with you but it was too late, he didnt even explained himself in the past but he wasnt happy and he wanted to be happy so he was going to listen to Bakugou.

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When he got home Mina was eating cookies and watching a movie. He sat down and closed the TV, Mina looked at her "Mina, we need to talk." her eyes widened bc of Kiri's serious tone. "What are we gonna talk about?" she asked, her stomach started to turn. "I want a divorce." he looked at her and waited for a response then Mina started to shout "Are you going to leave me alone with our child?! I knew it, you never loved me!" Kiri grabbed her arms and pulled her in a hug "Im not going to leave you with our child, im going to love our child no matter what but we cant stay married Mina and you know it. Im tired, i dont wanna lie to myself anymore." her sobs got louder "B-but Eiji, i loved you!" Kirishima took a step back to meet her eyes and said "Mina, lets be honest to ourselves from now on."

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You were drinking some coffee with Momo and Uraraka, it was a quiet evening and your friends brought some cakes to eat. When Momo took a sip from her cup she started to speak "Y/N, we heard that Mina is pregnant." You stopped chewing your cake and looked at her, they got married and it was natural that they were having a child but it still hurted. You wanted to built a family... With him... "Oh, congrats." Uraraka and Momo shared a nervous look then Uraraka continued "But... They are getting a divorce." You started to cough and choke on your cake. "Oh god!" Momo quickly patted your back and you chugged down a whole glass of water. "Why?" you asked them with wide eyes. "They had problems from the start, Mina always told us that she was suspicious about Kiri having feelings for you." you stopped breathing. "They are getting a divorce bc of... me?" you asked, you tried to move on but it was your fault??? “No Y/N, ofc not!" Momo interrupted and continued "Mina called me and told me that Kiri was struggling with a problematic marriage and she told me that Kirishima said something like 'I cant lie to myself anymore." or something similar to that, so its Kirishimas fault not yours." You were furious, you were going to give him a piece of his mind, you waited for the girls to left your house.

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After an hour of talking, Mina kicked Kirishima out and he was going to stay at Bakugous place. He was thinking about her, the love of his life, Y/N. Everything could be perfect but he ruined it. Then Bakugou came with two cans of beer and sat beside him. When he brought the can to his mouth his phone rang and both men saw the name on Katsuki's phone. "Y/N?" Kirishima looked at his friend and Katsuki shrugged, he pressed 'answer'. "Hey, Katsuki." he heard your voice from the other line "What up?" he replied. "Where the hell is Kirishima?" Kirishima heard his name on the phone and quickly looked at his friend "What is she saying?!" he asked, Katsuki gave him a 'shut up' look and asked "Why? Is it about work?" you started to get more irritated "WHY DO I NEED TO GIVE YOU A REASON WHERE IS HE!" Katsuki's eyes widened and he looked at Kirishima, even he heard her shout. Then Kirishima nodded and Katsuki continued "Hes at my place." then you replied "Ok, im already on my way tell him to come out." Katsuki was dumbfounded what the fuck was happening? "What?! Why are you coming here-" then you hung up "Damn it !" Kirishimas eyes were wide open "Y/N is coming here?!" Katsuki grabbed his shoulders and looked at him in the eyes "She is coming for you and she is furious! You got this!" then he started to shake him "Ya hear me?!" Kirishima was trying to understand the situation but both of them were confused as heck. "W-wait bro, what am i supposed to do?!" he panicked and Katsuki replied "The hell, i dont know?! Just go there and listen to her! She is almost here!" Kirishima quickly brushed his teeth and used one of his bros perfume. He was trying to do some breathing exercises then both of them heard your cars horn. "Ok, go there and stay strong!" Katsuki opened his apartments door and Kirishima nodded.

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You leaned onto your car and crossed your arms in front of your chest. Then you saw a stupid redhead walking towards you with a nervous face, your heart clenched in your chest. "H-hey Y/N, how can i help you?" oh his stupid voice, his stupid eyes. You hated him, how he made your heart stop, how he made your cheeks flush, how he made your body shake. Then his eyes widened and you asked "What are you looking at?!" and he slowly gulped "Y/N, you are crying..." Then your eyes widened and you touched your cheeks, why were you crying? He should be the one who was crying! "I-i.... You-!" You started to sob, he didnt know what do all he wanted to do was hug you but he knew that you didnt wanted him to touch you. "Y/N-" , "Stop! Dont even open your mouth and listen to me!" he stopped and waited for you to calm down. "I heard that you are getting a divorce, is that true?" you asked and tried to stay calm "Yes..." he answered "Why?" you asked another question without waiting. "Why are you gettin a divorce it has only been 5 months ?" you even knew how long. "Isnt she pregnant? Shouldnt you be supportive?" Kirishima's heart stopped, you knew that Mina was pregnant? "I cant do it, it doesnt feel right. Im going to be a dad for our child but...", "But what, Kirishima?" he was gettin more nervous "We just cant get along." he gave a short answer. You took a deep breath "Uraraka told me that she was accusing you for having feelings for me." His cheeks started to burn and he saw the sad look in your eyes "I tried to move on, Kirishima i tried... I didnt do anything to you both and you are getting a divorce BECAUSE OF ME?" you started to raise your voice "No! Its not because of you, i cant take it thats why we are getting a divorce!" he raised his voice, he wanted you to listen. "I want answers! WHY DID YOU LEFT ME ?!" your legs started to shake and you were having a hard time trying to stand straight, he immediately tried to hold you but you pushed him "KIRISHIMA TELL ME! WHY DID YOU STOPPED LOVING ME?!I WORKED SO HARD JUST FOR YOU! YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING!" you were crying on the floor, he started to cry and kneeled in front of you, he pulled you into a tight hug, first you struggled and begged him to let you go but he was too strong for you. He waited for you to calm down and started to stroke your hair. When he felt your hands clutching onto his shirt he didnt wanted to let you go and inhaled your scent. "I dont have any excuse, i ruined our future, you were so far away yet worked so hard just for me, Mina and i had a friendship and we just lied to ourselves, i was such a stupid teenager and im still so stupid, on the wedding i kept imagining you walking beside me... I never loved anyone else but you..." he waited for you to say something but when you stayed silent he continued "We started to have fights on the first day of our marriage and she always brought you up saying that i was still in love with you, i never denied it because it was true and she knew that." he sighed "Bakugou always warned me about my desicions but i was keep following my stupid thoughts, even all of our friends were against the idea of us getting married but they stayed silent because they didnt wanted us to think that they are bad." you raised your head and looked at him in the eyes, his eyes were begging for you, it's been so long... you were finally touching him. "Y/N, i want you, i want you to be my partner, i want you to be the mother of our kids, even if you hate me... I love you, you are the only one im thinking about since highschool." you touched his cheek and his eyes started to shine with tears again, he quickly covered your hand with his "I dont hate you Kirishima, you... yes you are stupid!" he laughed and you joined him. "Y/N, please give me a chance and lets build our future." he looked at you with sincere eyes and rested his forehead on yours. "Kiri... Promise me, you are going to do your best." he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap, you let out a yelp and turned red "I promise, sunshine." your heart started to beat faster, you used to call him that. He leaned closer and closer... Then after all these years both of you shared your first kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he squeezed your waist, he didnt wanted to let you go, he finally had you by his side and he promised himself to make you the happiest woman in the world. When you exchanged numbers you gave him a goodnight kiss and left, Bakugou was waiting for him in his living room, he expected to see a sad and broken Kiri but when he returned he had the biggest smile on his face. "Did she hit your head with a metal stick, why you smiling?" Bakugou asked, this dude was crying 45 minutes ago but now he was jumping around like a little boy. Kiri told him everything that happened and Bakugou was happy for his best friend "You better not ruin it this time that stupid Y/N is my friend too, or something like that." Bakugou never admitted loudly but he cared about you he was the one who supported you all this time.

-

-

-

After all this events, Kirishima finally managed to separate his ways with Mina and took Y/N on several dates, the girls were so happy for Y/N and the boys supported their relationship then congratulated Y/N for her patience and keeping up with Kirishima's stupid actions. After some months Mina gave birth to a little baby girl. Kirishima promised to be a caring dad and he rented an apartment for himself. His daughter was really fond of him and he was the sweetest dad ever but sometimes you got jelaous bc you wanted him to be the father of your kids. One day when you were watching an animation with Mizuki, Kirishima suddenly grabbed your hand and dragged you to his kitchen, he wrapped his arms around you and peppered your cheeks with kisses then things started to get intimate and you stopped him "Kiri, Mizuki is here remember?" he smiled, how could you be so thoughtful? You were such an angel, he lifted you and made you sit on the kitchen island, he layed his head on your chest and you started to stroke his hair. Then suddenly Mizuki appeared and you quickly pushed Kirishima, she came with an empty bowl that used to be filled with cookies "Can i have more cookies?" she asked and Kirishima sighed "But didnt Y/N filled that bowl with cookies, dont eat too much." she made puppy dog eyes and you giggled "But i love eating Y/N's cookies!" she whined then looked at you with confused eyes "Why are you sitting up there Y/N?" you quickly remembered what you were doing a minute ago and your cheeks started to burn from embarrasment, Kirishima started to laugh "Why dont you come up and sit on my lap Princess Mizuki?" you smiled and she ran towards the island, Kirishima lifted her and gave her to you "Now you are tall just like your daddy!" You poked her cheek and she laughed "Im the princess bow down daddy bow down! You are the knight, you are going to marry me!" all of you started to laugh "Ok then who am i, your fairy?" you asked. "No! Im the princess so you are the queen!" you smiled and Kiri looked at the both of you with loving eyes "Yeah, she is our queen." you blushed, all of you started to play a kingdom game. Then Mizuki got tired and fell asleep, Kiri carried her to his own bed and you waited for him on his couch. He appeared with two cups of coffee in his hands and sat next to you, "Thank you for spending your day off with us, baby." he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you replied "Anything for both of you." He kissed the tip of your nose and sighed. "Im so grateful Y/N, you dont need to support me you know? Mizuki is not tiring you is she?" you took his hand and gave it a squeeze, "I love her, Kirishima." he put his mug on the table in front of you and pulled you to a tight hug "I dont deserve you, angel." you giggled and replied "I know." he laughed. "Mizuki loves you so much, Y/N. First she was confused about us being a family or not but she knows that i love her no matter what." you nodded and started to talk "Kirishima you are her dad and Mina is her mother, i cant change that but i love her with all my heart." Kiri grabbed your chin and planted a kiss on your lips. "I love you so much Y/N."

-

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You just came home back from work and saw a missed call when you looked at the contact info you saw her name. "Mina" its been so long since both of you had a conversation but you decided to call back. She quickly answered "Oh uh um, hey Y/N." she was nervous and it was obvious. "Do you need something from me?" you asked and she was silent for a moment then started to speak "Listen Y/N, you are always taking care of Mizuki and she always talks about you, im so grateful for that... I just wanted to... Apologise to you. Y/N i had a crush on Kirishima but it was temporary and i lied to myself. I got married with him, we tought that our friendship was something else and its hard to accept it but he always tried to pretend that i was you, he failed. Because you are the one he loves, i cant be you and we had a strong friendship with you Y/N. I made a mistake and i want you back." your mouth was opening and closing like a fish, you didnt know what to say. You had a beautiful frienship with Mina when you were in U.A so ofc it wounded you when you guys had an argument. "Mina, i forgave Kirishima for his mistakes and i cant ignore you bc it wouldnt be fair to you so... Its okay." you heard sobs and hiccups. "Y-Y/N thank you, everything was so hard and a big mistake! I love you so much and i dont want our friendship to fully end..." The coldness you felt towards her vanished, she realized her mistake and was apologising for it, that was the important thing so you took a deep breath and continued. "Im not cruel Mina, we lost so many years so lets make good memories, okay?" she sniffed and replied enthusiastically "Yes! Lets make good memories and rebuild or friendship!" then you chatted a little and hung up.

-

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Now...

Kirishima quickly answered his phone and heard your beautiful voice. "Kirishima you are running late for work!" he could see your face through the phone "Baby, do you have a frown on your face right now?" he asked "Omg are you here?" he started to laugh "No baby, its obvious from the tone of your voice." you sighed and laughed. "Hurry up stupid redhead! We have so much work to do!" he chuckled "Ok baby im coming, dont worry, love you." you replied "Ofc you love me, im the one who has to deal with you everyday so you better love me more!" both of you were laughing like stupid highschool kids. "Im coming, angel." then he hung up and head towards the kitchen, Mizuki was walking back and forth. "Daddy hurry up, lets go!" Kirishima quickly dropped her to Mina's place and drove towards Fatgum's agency. He quickly checked his pocket and grabbed the velvet box. He opened it and eyed the ring one more time "You can do this Eijiro, you better do it!" He quickly gave Bakugou a call and he answered "Im working shitty hair." he sighed and started to talk "I know dude but, im going to propose to Y/N today." Bakugou snorted "Finally. Then what are you waiting for huh? Go." Kirishima smiled to himself "Thanks for everything bro." "Yeah yeah i know, dont keep that dumbass waiting if she gets mad shes going to kick your ass and you are already late arent you?" Kirishima chuckled nervously and Bakugou sighed "Later, Eiji." he hung up and Kiri quickly got out of his car. He saw you in the lobby, you were tapping your foot on the floor impatiently. He laughed at the sight and approached you "Hey baby." you gave a sigh of relief and punched his arm "Come on! We have a mission to go!" The mission went smoothly it wasnt that dangerous, some low level criminals. When you came back to the agency you quickly head towards the showers. The girls in the changing room greeted you and one of them asked "L/N-senpai when are you going to get married with Kirishima-senpai?” Your cheeks flushed and you coughed. "Um... We are gonna get married but i cant give you a specific time." some of them gave 'oohs' and 'awwwws', you quickly took a shower and opened your phone, you got a message from Kirishima.

Sunshine: Hey baby, why dont you come over tonight?

You: Sure! I have some paperwork to do, its not gonna take long.

Sunshine: Ok, im going to leave early today and i will be waiting for you in my place, love you!

You: Got it, love you too. <3

You smiled at your phone then started to head towards your desk, it took 30 minutes to finish the damn work and you quickly sent him a text saying that you were coming then you started to drove, it took 15 minutes to get in front of his apartment, you climbed the stairs and opened the door with the key in your pocket, you had his apartments key bc you can? "Kiri, im home." You looked around but the living room was dark, you started to head towards the kitchen and the lights were off "Kiri?" you called but there was no answer then you felt strong arms wrapping around your waist from behind, you jumped and turned to see Kiri with a smile on his face "Welcome home, baby." your cheeks got red 'Home...' "What were you doing in the dark Kiri?" he laughed and took your hand in his. "Lets go to the balcony shall we?" He dragged you towards the balcony and slided the door open. Then you saw a blanket fort with yellow lights and fluffy pillows in it, you giggled. When you were a student in U.A, you loved making blanket forts with your friends, especially with Kirishima. "Surprise!" he laughed and you started to jump "Awww Kiri, this brings back memories!" he quickly crouched down and layed on the soft sheets it was a high and big blanket fort so it was comfortable. You quickly layed next to him on your stomach and supported yourself with your elbows, you looked at his cute face and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Then he handed you a bowl of popcorn "I chose an action movie from my pc, come on lets watch it!" you nodded and both of you got comfortable in eachothers arms. When the movie ended, Kirishima pulled you onto his chest and started to stroke your cheek, you guys started to chat about random things and stupid stuff that you did in U.A, he slowly got up and you followed his action. "Y/N... I love you so much." he smiled but his aura was different so you started to get nervous, was there a problem? "I love you too, Kiri." you smiled back then he grabbed something from his pocket and you stopped breathing, there was a velvet box in his hand, you quickly looked at his eyes and he was smiling so sincerely. "My angel, will you marry me?" your eyes started to water, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. "Yes, yes, yes! A million times, yes!" He started to cry and hugged you with full force. Then he put the ring on your finger and looked into your eyes, "I promise you, i will make you the happiest woman in the world my angel." You kissed him and replied "Oh my sunshine... Lets build our future together."

A/N: This was my first one shot! I hope you liked it!<3

[kkairosclerosis]

uncommon things i associate my deities with~

hi guys! im back from a quick hiatus! 

i recently moved to the city, but not too far from where i lived previously in the country. living in the city, however, is proving to be a bit more difficult then i had imagined, so ive been taking some weekends to go back home and ground myself again so i can feel more connected to my craft<3.

anyways, this morning, i was sitting on the porch of my parents farmhouse, looking out onto the sunset as my idiot dog ran laps around the frost-covered lawn, feeling more connected to my deities than i had in weeks. i decided, ‘hey, here a nice post idea. maybe ill talk abt the things i associate with my deities that others might not, and hopefully inspire them to as well!’ so, here it is! 

uncommon things i associate my deities with!

hermes——««

if this isnt your first time on my blog, you probably know: hermes is my patron. he has been for a while, even before i began to worship him. if you want to know more about why, check out this post. 

regardless, you can imagine that i hold very dear everything i associate with him.

in this case, it’s my dog. 

my dog is an...interesting border collie named oliver. i got into hellenic worship very shortly after getting him, and i have a very strong feeling he has a lot to do with it. 

i am thoroughly convinced my dog is a child of hermes. hes chaotic, but extremely smart. very, very fast, and spends hours running out in the yard. just running. nothing else. its even more intense when its windy, which, if you read the aforementioned post, you know that i associate the wind heavily with hermes. hermes is also the god of animal husbandry, and oliver is quite the farm animal. 

watching him run, i always get a strong sense of comfort. i know that the energy of hermes resides in him, its very clear. its almost as if his running brings the wind.  like hes running, and hermes says ‘hey, that looks fun! let me join!’ 

i, very regularly, ask for hermes protection of oliver. i do this because i know of the love hermes has for him. i can feel it. it makes me comfortable knowing hes safe while im not home with him. and i can tell it makes oliver feel safe as well.

aphrodite——««

aphrodite has always been dear to me, even before i started actually worshipping. i remember reading about her in the mythology books i frequented in the art room after i finished my projects, carrying them out to the field to just sit and read. she was an embodiment of beauty to me, and that has not changed since, so its natural that i associate her with one of the things i find most beautiful on this plane of existence: clouds.

when i was thinking of writing this post, i was sitting and looking at a cloudless sky. i was thinking: why is it that we most often consider a cloudless sky beautiful? is it because of the absence of ‘blemish?’ does a cloud signify a flaw? must all beautiful things be completely clear, or without mark? 

obviously, i thought this was ridiculous. clouds are so very dear to me. i mean, i have an entire album of photos on my phone of pictures of clouds i have taken. i have always been enamored. 

while i was pondering this, it hit me. beauty is unique. beauty is individual. thats exactly what aphrodite is about. these ‘marks’ in the sky are what make the sky beautiful to me. aphrodite is in these ‘blemishes’ because i find them beautiful. 

now, i dont mean to wrap this up in a corny way, but i encourage the people reading this to think this way about themselves. beauty is in your imperfections because they make you you. i have not seen one cloud that looks exactly like another i have seen, and thats exactly what makes them so beautiful to me. aphrodite loves all of you, and someone else does as well, so do not disrespect them by being mean to yourself. their idea of beauty is not misconstrued, so trust them. and if you dont think someone thinks your beautiful, know that i do<3.

apollo——««

apollo, to me, has always been sort of an enigma. i have a harder time interpreting his signs, especially recently, and i think that its particularly because of my recent falling out with my creative side. i have sort of abandoned my art, and it think its difficult for him to communicate with me through anything else.

one thing, however, i can feel him in is the sound of the birds in the morning. particularly, roosters.

as i mentioned before, my parents live on a farm. its natural to hear roosters first thing in the morning. some people find it annoying, but to me, its incredibly comforting. it means another morning has come. i’ve lived another day, and i have a whole new one to look forward to, until i hear the rooster the next morning. it means the sun is rising, and apollo rises with him. 

as a witch who particularly enjoys the sunrise, but has a hard time waking up to see it, the roosters serve as a sort of natural alarm clock. even if i do not physically get up to see the sunrise, i know it is happening, and i am awake for that first moment of dawn. it brings me comfort and a sense of small accomplishment, even on really difficult days.

and the days im in the city, and cant hear the roosters, its the morning songs of the birds in the part right next to my apartment building. this might be even more so, as apollo is the god of music. 

its a different type of comfort to wake up to the chill of the morning and hear the birds, knowing its a deity that loves me and wants to see me the next morning as well. i hope you, dearest reader, come to feel the same:).

asclepius——««

now, i haven’t talked about this much on this blog, but to me, asclepius has been such a pillar for me as of recent. with the pandemic and my own current health situation, i rely on him a lot for hope and support. i ask him to protect both me and my friends and family from illness or ailment, and in case of ailment, i ask him to facilitate a speedy recovery. thus far, he has never failed me, and i do not ever expect him to. i put my trust in him wholly. 

other than health, i find myself associating asclepius with cleanliness. while i see asclepius as the medic, i also see him as someone who is clean and organized. this is why i associate him with dewdrops.

now, bear with me in my explanation. morning dew, to me, feels clean. it feels almost pure, as it is one of the first forms of moisture a person can be met with during the day. 

picture it now. you wake up at sunrise, and venture out into your yard, the chill of the am just tickling at your face, cooling your nose to the touch. you take your first step off of the deck, and your bare feet sink into the grass, cold, and now wet from the dew. the feeling is shocking at first, as your feet get used to the new temperature, fresh out of the warm comfort of your blanket that sits invitingly on your bed inside. 

but the feeling is fresh. its grounding. its healing. 

that, to me, is how asclepius feels. 

sobek——««

i must be honest, sobek is the reason this post came to existence. i feel extremely strong about this one, particularly because i feel that sobek is under-appreciated and misunderstood as a god. i constantly encourage people to include sobek in their worship, as he, to me, has proven to be one of the most reliable gods i have ever worked with. i feel such a sense of comfort and love within him. i could sit in his energy for hours, days even. especially as a person who suffers from bouts of paranoia, his energy is one to learn to accept and become. 

for me, i see sobek in flowers. 

not many would see this, as sobek has this image of a tough, crocodile, protection god, which he is. but what a lot of people forget, is that sobek is also a god of fertility, particularly in harvest. in fact, sobek has done so much for my family’s farm. our garden is plentiful, and our harvests are more than we know what to do with. we end up making a lot of extra things with it, and giving it away to family friends and neighbors. i genuinely think that sobek creates abundance in our garden so he can give to our community. that is how loving i know him to be. 

however, what i specified was flowers. one of the most common offerings i give to sobek are roses. he seems to love them. sobek seems to protect that of which he loves, and roses are a symbol of love for me. i want to attempt to give him what he has given me. 

my family has a wildflower garden in front of our home. the morning i was sitting on the porch, i felt his presence, and i immediately looked to the flowers. delicate, yet extremely strong, and persevering. thats how i wish to be, and i can feel sobek in the encouragement of the flowers. 

i hope that didn’t come off too corny, although im pretty sure it did lol. i hope that this post was a good insight into my deities and how i understand them to be! again, disclaimer, not everyone experiences the gods in the same ways! some may agree with this post wholeheartedly, and some may have completely different experiences that make them disagree entirely! i am not one to gatekeep and define what the divine is, because the divine shows itself in different ways to different people. i hope you enjoyed this post, and have a wonderful day!

p.s. i love you and you’re worth it!

[everdino]

Probably this is my last art and I can return to drawing again only after a month, when i'll ger new pen, or, at least, after I get used to the old semi-live pen from the tablet. Because, even an ordinary sketch with a very "cheap" color was very difficult to draw and my hands hurt, because old pen the old pen is just disgustingly uncomfortable.

Whining is end, now about art.

Lately, I thought about au, where a megaop found themselves on an unknown planet and survived there for a while. I decided to create my vision for this au, with Blitzbee and, yes, Bumblebee is triplechanger, I'm sorry, i regret everything.

This idea is not new, I saw several posts on this au, but I would like to show it exactly, as I see it. I cant write slowburn fanfiction (especially in English), and there is some problems with drawing, so I’ll just write the whole idea here. I own nothing, so if one of you wants, he can take this idea, you do not need my permission.

The first branches from the canon in this au occur at the very beginning, when Lugnut and Blitzwing arrive on Earth. A closer acquaintance with Bumblebee begins even before Megatron returns. At first it’s just a banal desire to take a break from the hostilities and annoying teammates, then friendship, quite strong friendship, then something more. Something reaally more. Blitz and Bee successfully hide their relationship by inventing a scheme, by which they can meet, without getting caught. (Note, Blitzwing invented this, and then for a very long time taught a stupid bug to stick to a plan). This continues until the moment Blitzwing captures by Elite Guard. (I note, that Wasp was partly to blame, because using the Bumblebee form, he drowned the vigilance of the triplechanger.) Another offshoot from the canon, Blackarachnia captures both Bumblebee and Wasp, for experimentation. She turns one into a triplechanger, and another into predacon, to figure out, how to solve her techno-organic problem. Sentinel tries to get rid of both, but Optimus prevents him. Bumblebee begins the rehabilitation course, trying to get used to the new body, but the hatred from the elite guard and the prisoner sparkmate strongly affect his mental state, not to mention the fact, that being a triplechager already means being unstable.

In this au, Blitzwing retreats with Lugnut, during the battle between Decepticons and the Elite guard, so only Starscream clones are brought to Cybertron Prison. The Final Battle is coming, Bumblebee is participating in it, which has more or less recovered from the operation. He fights against Blitzwing, however, right during the fight, Bee swears, that he don't allow anyone to put his sparkmate in prison ever again. He actually had many plans, and all of them were somehow related to leaving Autobots. Megatron defeated, prisoners of the Decepticons transported to Cybertron. Bumblebee prepares to escape from the ship with Blitzwing. Only Sparkmate becomes his meaning of life, since he is sure that Autobots betrayed him, treating his upgrade as a disabled person. Accidentally, being under the affect, he frees Megatron, along with Blitzwing. A new fight begins, during which Megatron and Optimus find themselves in a rescue capsule, which was prepared by Bumblebee, and crash on an unknown planet. The Elite Guard is trying to help, but during the battle some mechanisms of the ship’s engines are damaged and it’s much harder to get to Cybertron, especially with dangerous Decepticons on board, although without Megatron. Bee realizes, that all this happened through his fault, therefore, goes for the last signal of Optimus, which they managed to detect. Despite his grudge against the Autobots, he didn't want any of them to suffer. Blitzwing follows him, trying to protect him from reckless decisions. These two also have to endure a crash on the planet, where Optimus was supposedly. Bumblebee injures his leg and they have to hide in a cave, until Blitz comes up with some kind of plan.

Meanwhile, Optimus and Megatron are trying to continue the battle after landing on the planet, but soon realize, that they are too wounded and tired to fight. They disperse to find shelter until their factions find them. Time passes and both leaders come to the conclusion that surviving alone on a semi-organic planet is very difficult. Therefore, they unite and roam around, in search of an energon or communication devices. Instead, they find creatures that live on the planet and almost die, but at the last moment they are saved. This case forces both to appreciate the fighting qualities of a temporary teammate. Some time passes again, they both begin to starve, but still don't give up. Along the way, they both learn more about each other and the opposing faction, and their enmity slowly fades, giving way to respect. Optimus no longer experiences internal fear at the sight of a warlord, and Megatron allows the Autobot to stay closer. But as before, they did not find anything that resembled an energon. They find a poor mine later, but, with the mine, they find their triplechangers. Both Optimus and Megatron are shocked, seeing how these two, not so much as hostile, but, on the contrary, treat each other with such tenderness, like they have been married for several centuries. Megatron is furious at this betrayal and, despite Optimus’s protest, is attacking. Triplechagers obviously did not expect this, but it only made Blitzwing angrier. Both Decepticons start to fight violently, but battle is interrupted by Optimus. Leader of the Autobots is trying to convince others, that all of them are in a very critical situation, without communication, energy and medical assistance, so the war is the last thing they need. Although, Optimus also admitted that he didn't approve of such behavior on the part of Bumblebee. After long enough persuasions, Optimus manages to convince the others and the four stick together to survive, until someone finds them.

At first, Blitzwing very violently defended Bumblebee from leaders, given that Bee had damaged leg and mind, but soon all four have to trust each other, as survival is becoming harder and harder. While Optimus and Bumblebee sort things out, trying to understand, why Bumblebee wants to leave the fraction, Megatron becomes curious why, of all the Autobots, Blitzwing chose Bumblebee. He still cannot accept the fact, that Blitz betrayed him, but has already stopped being angry about this. He just becomes interested. Because with each new day, Megatron notices, that he is beginning to understand his soldier. Dark Lord more and more respects Optimus, who, despite his fairly young age and lack of experience (regarding Megatron himself, of course) is incredibly brave and strong. Respect slowly flows into a warmer but unknown feeling for Megatron. However, it was obvious that Optimus shared his feelings.

Bumblebee, meanwhile, is undergoing panic attacks, so, against the background of the rest of the team, he looks very weak. Old love of life is no longer observed in the optics of yellow Autobot. But, still, he holds on, for the sake of Blitzwing, who does not, not even for moment, leave his precious sparkmate alone. The moral damage was too strong, but Blitzwing is not thinking of retreating.

The four continues to roam the planet in search of the mines of the energon, fighting off the creatures and hiding from the weather, simultaneously solving their relationship with each other. Bumblebee, over time, thanks to Blitzwing, will cope with his mental problems, and Megatron and Optimus will become much much closer to each other.

[winterromanov]

Maybe a college Bucky one where he’s being playing games out of town, and trying to study for exams and he’s just so tired but trying to keep going and reader makes him nap and relax and it’s just very Soft ☺️

pairing: bucky x reader (set in the same universe as this fic)

Trying to play football and also be a competent college student is an Incredibly Difficult Feat. You know this, because watching Bucky vault himself from away games to home games to mid terms to finals is about the most exhausting thing you’ve ever seen. If he’s not studying he’s at practice, and if he’s not playing he’s in an exam. It’s like watching a manic, sleep-deprived whirlwind, living almost entirely off coffee and takeout noodles.

He’s not taking care of himself. He’s pushing and pushing and pushing, trying not to let anybody down--as if he could ever do that.

“You don’t have anything to prove,” you say, as he crashes face-down on the bed in your dorm, the night before he leaves to play a game at Harvard and minutes after his Cold War history deadline. You’ve not seen him eat anything the last twenty-four hours. “Look--you won the last game. Steve said you could sit this one out.”

A vague mumbling comes from your bed. His face is smothered by the pillow and he’s too exhausted to even turn over, so you poke his ass with your foot. His hand reaches out, reflexes still ridiculously quick, pulling you onto the bed with him.

“Sorry, love,” you smirk, curling as close to him as your tiny mattress will allow. His arm pulls you close to his waist, palm splayed across your back. His heartbeat is unrelenting beneath his shirt, thudding between you. “Didn’t quite hear that one.”

His head shifts so you’re basically nose-to-nose, his grin sleepy and delirious. He’s gonna pass out any second. You’ve seen it many, many times before in the last hectic few weeks--you’re probably gonna see it a few more. “I’ll be fine after nap. Promise.”

“Don’t you dare fall asleep before I can force a pizza down you,” you warn, and he laughs, deliberately snuggling into the pillow and letting his eyes flicker closed. You can’t resist--running your hand through his hair, along his face. Kiss his forehead. “Goddamn it, Buck. You’re making it very difficult for me to look after you.”

“You being here is enough,” he says softly and before you have chance to reply he’s gone, lost in some dream. You slowly creep out of his embrace, making the pizza for him anyway. By the time you wake up the next day his body is a phantom shape in your bed but the pizza is gone--he’s left you a bright pink post-it note on the plate. Scribbled in his usual scrawl are the words thank you always favourite girl.

-

we won!!! harvard ain’t better than us at FOOTBALL

wish u could have been there

renaissance lit is being a bitch :(( well done you STAR. miss you more every moment so get back quick

should i hijack the bus and speed down the freeway

if you must

consider it done

love you

love you more than anything

-

The next game is thankfully a home one against Yale so you can at least keep an eye on him--you’re just protective, that’s all, not wanting him to burn out in front of you. There’s a lot of gym sessions and library cramming and a grand total of one dinner date at his apartment, where you made a pasta dish with as many vegetables as you could think of in as possible (his mom had sent you a message afterwards with immense gratitude because her son needed his greens, damn it). The following evening you’d wrapped yourself in one of his jerseys and sat in the bleachers alongside an injured Sam--injured and bitter about it--and waited in the lights and the noise for the game to begin.

“Bucky tells me you’re worried about him,” Sam interjects rather suddenly and when you blink back, he shrugs his non-injured shoulder nonchalantly. “Not that I blame you. That dude just doesn’t let up, does he?”

“You could say that,” you reply, shivering a little. The November air is cold, even wearing Bucky’s sweater. “He keeps telling me the season will be over before long, but I...I don’t want that to be a couple of weeks too much for him, you know?”

Sam hums thoughtfully. Around you, the crowd practically fizzes with excitement, covered with facepaint and aggressively chanting team songs at the opposing side. You’d never been to a college football game before you started dating one of the team’s star players, but you have to admit, the atmosphere is kinda addictive. Watching Bucky play is kinda addictive.

“If I know Bucky, and boy do I know him,” Sam eventually replies, squeezing up closer to you as more people gather into your stand. A girl is openly staring at you both--it doesn’t happen that often, but more so at games. People know Bucky, and Sam, so people know you. “He’ll get through this all okay. He always does, (Y/N). I’d been pretty damn surprised if he doesn’t make captain next year.”

You stare at the bright, clean grass of the field, and think of a boy so fucking exhausted from trying to balance his life that he can barely function half the time. Bucky would be an awesome captain. You just don’t want him to become a dead firework because of it.

-

The game ends up being pretty close but Yale just snatch the victory. It doesn’t mean that they can’t win the season, but. Bucky makes his way over to your stand at the end of the game like he always does, taking off his helmet and mouthguard. He also looks extremely deflated, like he always does when they lose.

“It’s okay,” you say, taking his face in your hands. He looks angry at himself. And you know what he’s thinking. I should have pushed harder. “Shit happens. You were still amazing.”

He kisses you over the barrier in a display of affection you were once too shy to give away in public, but you need him as much as he needs you. When you break apart you plant a chaste, gentle peck on his jawline, running your thumb over the shadow. 

“You two make me sick,” Sam interrupts the moment, arms folded. Bucky flips him off while smiling sweetly and you can’t help but laugh. “Honestly. Didn’t ask to be violated, but here we are.”

“Payback for every single time I’ve walked in on you doing unspeakable things with the girl from the top floor on our kitchen counter.” Bucky snaps back teasingly. You like watching the banter unfold between the two of them. You’d be worried if Bucky and Sam weren’t taking the piss at every given opportunity.

Sam gestures pointedly at his injured right shoulder. “I cannot believe you’d treat a fallen comrade like that. I’m disgusted.”

“And so was I when I saw the state of the kitchen counter.” Bucky gives you one last kiss, clutching your hand. “See you after I hit the showers, yeah?”

“I’ll be waiting.” Your promise him, and his eyes glow just a little brighter.

-

When Bucky facetimes you from Brown the very next week, he looks like he hasn’t slept for at least three days. His Ancient Chinese history exam is literally a day after he arrives back from the trip and he’s frantically cramming in his hotel room in Rhode Island, while also trying not to fuck up the team’s chances of winning the season.

“Just one more game after this,” his grainy voice says on the other end of the video feed, head lolling against the headboard of his Holiday Inn bed. You wish he was in your bed. God, you wish he was in your bed. “And the season is over and I don’t have to be away from you ever again.”

“I don’t think your mom would like it if I stole you away for Thanksgiving.” You joke, tongue poking between your teeth. His lips curve, half a laugh escaping from his chest.

“That’s why she personally invited you to stay with us for the holidays. She’s worried you might sneak in there first and drag me to Virginia. She already knows I’d go wherever you go.”

Your smile is kinda wistful. “Except when you go to Rhode Island.”

“Except when I go to Rhode Island.” He repeats, sighing dramatically. He rubs one of his tired eyes. “Ugh. Who thought coinciding pre-Thanksgiving exams and football season was a good idea, huh?”

“I have no idea, but I’m prepared to have words with them.” You tilt your head. “Don’t work too hard, yeah? It’s one exam. It’ll all be okay in the end.”

“I know, I know.”

You want to keep talking, on and on until the early hours like you do sometimes, because time is apparently not real when you and Bucky are on the phone together. But he needs sleep, and you need sleep, and occasionally you’ll do things for the greater good. “Good luck for tomorrow. Brown won’t know what’s hit ‘em.”

“They better not,” he jokes, “Will you be live-streaming the game?”

As if you wouldn’t. You can’t pretend that you always know what’s going on or any of the rules, but you always try to watch him if you can. He’d do the same for you, over and over and over. “Already got the tab open on my laptop and everything.”

Bucky’s grin is near effervescent, even through your patchy wifi connection. “I love you more than anything, you know that?”

“I may have had an inkling.”

-

hello y/n 

HELLLOOOOO

u know brown are the best losers because they lose and give you TEQUILA

omg are you drunk

never been DRUNK IN MY LIFE!!!! but im at this cool party and stEv e has found a girl and i miss u

i miss u so much . and like i just do generally 

whenever ur not ar oUnd 

oh sweet boy. you are very drunk.

im serious though

sometimes i think about how much i love you and it scares me

because then i th ink what it would be like if you wreent there 

and that makes me so fucking sad i cant breathe

y/n

y/n ???????????????

hellooo 

have u gone to bed

no, just messaging steve to make sure he gets you back safe. im not going anywhere. just please please look after yourself. love you always

-

“I’m sorry about those messages I sent you last night.”

You grab him in the tightest hug possible, his hold all still hanging off his arm, rain spattering down from dark clouds outside his apartment block. You hold him for at least ten years, you reckon, because the thought of him being so fucking sad he can’t breathe makes you so fucking sad you can’t breathe.

“You’re a terrible drunk who says things that make me emotional.” You laugh tearfully into his sweater and he grips you even harder, if possible. The shards of glass jabbed between your ribs start to dissolve as you inhale every single part of him.

“I know, sweetheart,” he murmurs, “I know.”

-

His last game is the day of your renaissance literature exam and for once you’ve been the one not eating and relying on caffeine, anxiety lingering round your jittery bones like an irritating ghost. Your interactions with Bucky are a battle between you wishing him aggressive luck for what could be the winning game while he equally aggressively says your exam will go fine, they always go fine, it’s an easy A for sure. 

Your exam isn’t until the afternoon so you spend the morning pacing about your bedroom looking at a sporadic mess of post-it notes on your wall declaring quotes and context that you hope will just stick in your brain. When Lizzie from down the hall says there’s a package for you you don’t actually think much of it, too busy to deal with something you’ve probably forgotten you ordered from Amazon--but she makes some comment about how fancy it is, wrapped up in striped paper.

Your name is in print across the front so it doesn’t leave a clue on the sender, but as soon as you rip into it and find a bundle of things nestled between tissue paper, you know instantly. It’s kind of embarrassing you didn’t click sooner. 

Dear Y/N - you’ll ace it, favourite gal. 

You try not to break down in sleep-deprived and emotional tears as you pull out a brand new sweater in your favourite shade of burgundy, a vintage copy of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, three different kind of Hershey’s bars and a dumb little teddy bear wearing your college jersey. He’s sent you a fucking care package. He’s away at Princeton, and he’s sent you a care package, because exams drive you crazy and he’s just... Well, he’s Bucky.

-

i got your present

have i ever mentioned that i love you

i may have had an inkling

-

He doesn’t really leave you a choice, does he? Besides, the game is only at Princeton, and if you catch the train the moment you escape the uneasy warmth of a crowded exam hall you should be able to get there in time. 

You’ve never been to Princeton stadium before, but you grab one of the last tickets available and rush onto their crowded bleachers just before the game is about to begin. The lights are heady, the atmosphere is electric, and you’re about to watch the man you lovingly, completely, unrelentingly call your own play the game he loves almost as much as you at a stadium forty miles from home. 

hey steve, you text his closest friend, hoping he’ll see it, get buck to look at the front of the stairs near block d when you come out

y/n if this is what i think it means he’s going to lose his goddamn mind

:)

When the team runs out you notice the number five on his jersey straight away, a constant fleeting image in your head from the countless games you’ve seen him play. Even from a distance, Steve’s eyes catch your own and his arm starts gesturing violently in your direction, Bucky taking a couple of moments to catch on.

It’s a good job the game isn’t due to start for a few more minutes, because absolutely nothing can stop him from automatically sprinting to your side of the field and kissing you senseless, cameras and crowds be damned.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he says on a dizzy outtake of breath.

“Couldn’t miss the last game of the season, could I?” You gently push his chest, urging him to go back to his team. “And neither can you. Go back to them. I’ll be waiting.”

He steals your lips for one more second, giddy and pumped full of adrenaline. “I really lucked out the day I met you, didn’t I?”

His mouth is hot. Hot. Unmistakable. Real. Always, always real. “Not as lucky as me.”

my masterlist

send me a request

[enigma-im]

Nothin’ But a Good Time

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Dremora (Demon) X Male!Human (Nord) Warning: Anal, Demon sex, Deals with a demon, Skyrim, blowjobs, handjobs

Word count: 2676

Summoning an unbound Dremora means that it can turn on you. This Dremora has a better idea than just killing the summoner.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Summon an unbound Dremora' it was a difficult spell and a dangerous one at that. To conjure a Dremora was on its own, dangerous. To conjure one that you know will attack you is just plain stupid. Yet, desperate times call for desperate measures.

The dungeon wasn’t a challenge for a mage as talented as myself. It was almost comical to be tasked with a quest like this. The Skeevers die on sight, the Draugers are similar to practice dummies, the puzzles are elementary at best. I will be paid in no time at this rate. If only every mission was like this.

As I near the final room I learn that extending some modesty once in a while might be beneficial to me and my ego.

The room ends with a dragon priest instead of my anticipated Deathlord. I really should have kept my mouth shut but the new reward of a mask keeps my spirits high. I face the spirit with a new wave of optimism and cockiness until the graves give way to Draugers. This is fine, I can deal with that. Down the way towards the floating priest two more coffins give way to Deathlords, alright this is less ok.

The battle is full of loud explosions of fireballs and lightning strikes. The Draugers become more of a hassle as anytime I try to deal with them I have to take my attention from the three major threats in the cavern. I take to summoning familiars and Atronachs, drinking bottles after bottles of Magicka. I pick off bits of health from the Deathlords as I try to avoid hits from the priest. His magic staff is becoming too much a problem that I fear I may lose my life this day.

Carding around the edges of the room for the hundredth time I take a direct hit from the Dragon Priest's staff. I hit the ground harder than reasonable, sliding along the uneven cobble on my shoulder. I quickly attempt to stand but the room turns, I fall back with a heavy sigh. I see the low life Draugers come in for the kill. In a last-ditch effort, I cast one more summoning spell, conjuring the one being I swore I wouldn't.

In a swirl of black and purple, a Dremora is officially summoned. Without preamble, the dangerous demon snaps forward and fast. It takes on the Draugers quickly with inhuman strength and speed. As everyone is distracted I look through my bag for potions or food, knowing the unavoidable battle that will come to me.

I watch from the corner of my eye at the Deadra armored beast fights. It takes care of the undead creatures very well, finishing off a Deathlord in the time it took me to swallow down minor healing. Once I catch my bearings I stand and begin to loot through the dead bodies, begging to gods for a potion or two. When that, thing, is done it will turn its ire onto me. I must be prepared for the fight.

I don’t notice the silence for a moment as I reach for the minor magic potion at the bottom of a broken urn. It doesn't occur to me till I feel the dark presence behind me. With a quick breath, I turn and throw a bolt of ice at the demon. With a lazy effort, it pushes the ice off like it was a bug in the way.

"Generally people give thanks but I can't say I'm too familiar with Nord customs," the Dremora chuckles. I straight at his laugh, utterly confused. The being cocks a dark brow at me with a grin," You seem a lost for words."

"Aye," I eye him," just a bit of miscommunication."

His arms cross while changing weight to one leg," How so?" His demeanor is startling, to say the least. I have never interacted with demons before, well in a friendly manner at least. I've killed a few to use their hearts for potions, I'm no saint. The college generally warned against conversing with them unless you can have the upper hand.

"I was informed that this conjuring spell was to summon an unbound Dremora," I clarify.

"That I am," he tilts his head with an amused smirk," Do you believe I have no free will? That I will attack anything that breathes? I found the deal is far greater than the taste of freshly spilled blood."

I sober at his words," the deal?"

"Yes, the deal," he chuckles," you summon me, I protect you, now I get something in return. Give and take sort of thing." I eye him cautious, not open to making deals with conniving creatures like him.

"What kind of deal?"

"Hmm, not sure. I haven't decided on what I want yet, but I do have ideas," he answers in thought.

"What could you want," I slide my hand towards my dagger, cautious but not completely open to fighting just yet. The Dremora casts a glance to my hand then back up at me. His brow raises again but he either doesn’t care or doesn’t mind me reaching for my weapon. Arms still folded he begins to circle me, walking lazily around with his eyes wondering my body.

"What do I want," he taps his finger against his elbow," many things. The better question is what do I want that you can give me. You could be my slave, do my bidding here in the living realm. To kill who I demand, to retrieve what I desire. But I don’t need another one, I already have all the slaves I want. You could give me something I haven't reveled in for a while." he stops his circling and walks towards me. Panicked, I back up till I thump against a wall. Quickly he grabs my face and regards me in an appraising way. "You are very handsome for a mage, most are old and cynical. You are young and full of mirth, perhaps I shall partake just this once," he hums as his thumb brushes my cheek.

"W-What do you want," my resolve slips for a second. I'm not ignorant or oblivious, he wants something I myself haven't partaken in since starting college. Before the time of my studies, I took to parading around as many women as I could, drinking and partying with the liveliest of maidens. I have never been with a man, let alone a demon.

"Here is the deal, you take my seed and we call us even," his hold switches to my throat," if you don’t, then I take your blood as payment."

"You're seed," I ask confused," do you believe you could impregnate me?"

He scoffs," No you stupid man, I wish to spoil myself inside you. Once I do, then we are square. This acceptable, Nord?"

"Blood or cum, such an impossible choice," I roll my eyes," as long as you don’t rip me a new one I will reluctantly lay with you, demon."

"Reluctantly," the Dremora laughs," you caved very fast for someone who is reluctant."

"I'm not above my ego to rather die than fuck a man, just be fast and I can forget about it," I sneer.

"Like I'd give you the curtesy to forget," he chuckles darkly," but if you insist."

I startle when head leans down and captures my lips with his, wasting no time shoving his tongue down my throat. The intrusion sends a jolt down my spine, spurring my interest just a peek. A chill runs through the room and the rock bites into my skin. I shiver when I feel the hard grip of his hands on my uncovered hips.

"You seem to be less reluctant now," he whispers in my ear as his hips brush against mine. I look down at our now nude bodies, seeing my hardening cock against his thigh.

"Is but nerves," I scoff. He hums in an answer as he lowers onto his knees. Its almost a powerful sight to see such an evil being kneeling. The sight is even more uplifting when he grabs my half-hard dick in his hands, stroking me in a lose hold. His mouth joins in for a moment, my spine snapping straight as the electric feeling runs upwards. "damn, Dremora. Ever heard of pacing one's self," I ask as my hips buck. He chuckles around my cock, the vibrations feeling divine.

"You were the one who wanted fast, and I'm the one who didn’t want you to forget," he kisses along my shaft, palming my balls with an uncoy look. His attentions are not what I expected, the sight more arousing than anticipated. I watch him lather my member with his tongue, bucking and sighing with the feeling. I rest my head back to the wall, mouth parted in an unending breath. As I feel myself nearing my end he backs off.

"Don’t want you to end so soon my handsome Nord, now it's your turn to be on your knees," He laughs. I give him an unabashed face before doing as he says. I get down on my knees ready to return the favor. He confuses me by not standing but crawling around behind me. It seems he is ready for the main course. He grabs my shoulder and pushes me forward. I catch myself on my hands as his hand rests on my back.

His clawed fingers trail down my spine, my skin tingling with anticipation. I can feel the warmth of his cock resting at the crease of my ass. The tip nudging just barely between my cheeks. His palm slides over my lower back before trailing over and cupping my hips. He swiftly pulls me flush to his thighs, his cock gliding up and settling close to his stomach. The weight is similar to the one in my stomach, the suspense making my own cock twitch. He pushes me away then pulls me back to him again, enjoying the tension in the air.

I fall onto my forearms and buck back into him with a groan," Just put it in already!"

His deep chuckle echoes in the room," so eager aren't we? I thought this was supposed to be my payment."

I look over my shoulder at his wicked grin," what? Cant, we both get something out of this?"

"I suppose we can," he tilts his head. The Dremora says nothing else as he continues tracing his cock on my ass. Soon he grabs ahold of one of my cheeks, clenching the muscle between his fingers. He spreads me open and regards his new toy. I wait with bated breath as his other hand lazily trails down to rest his thumb over my pucker. My stomach clenches as I choke on a gasp, I guess the eagerness is getting to me. He chuckles as he presses his thumb to me, massaging before inserting. I let out a long groan and rest my head to the filthy floor. He lets himself just rest there, humming as he listens to my panting breath.

"Please," I find myself crying out, not sure what I'm asking for. He somehow figures it out as he removes his thumb and grabs ahold of his cock. He presses himself to my entrance, slowly pressing his tip inside. There is resistance but he pushes on. With a sudden pop, his head is engulfed. The image and the reality of someone being in my ass make my cock leak and a whine let out from my chest. Before I could beg some more he pushes in farther. His head sliding further inside, the unfamiliar feeling of something this far inside me is intoxicating. My anus being stretched isn't pleasant, it aches and stings. Still, my cock remains hard and drips pre to the floor. His length rubbing along my prostate makes the pain feel like nothing.

I relish every inch till his hips are finally flat with my ass. Once he is to the hilt I hear him breathe. He sucks in a greedy breath and grips my cheeks with a painful hold. I can feel my hips try to move, the urge to buck back into him is strong. God, what my guild would think of this. Hell! What would my church think of this?

"By the divines, you are the tightest hole I have ever had the pleasure of fucking," the Dremora calls out in wonder," I believe this will be sufficient payment indeed." before I can comment he pulls back then thrust forward with a sharp snap of his hips.

"ack-, fuck," I cry out. I rub my forehead along the ground, the bits of rock digging into my skin. I hardly notice them as he pulls out again and bucks forward. He finds a pace quickly, using me like some common whore. Seeking his own fulfillment as I whimper and cry in the dirt. His inhuman cock does wonders to my insides, his length hitting places I never knew existed. My cock bobs with each thrust, a string of pre falling to the ground make me groan. I find myself reaching under myself and gripping it. The mixture of him and my hand makes my brain feel fuzzy.

"Are you going to touch yourself, my little Nord," he chuckles above me," Love the feeling of my cock rearranging your insides?" I whimper like a dog as I stroke myself, twisting my hand over my tips then clenching my base. If I knew being fucked in the ass was so grand I would have done this sooner. I'm almost curious if being fucked by a Nord is the same as this? Perhaps a Dremora has better prowess with these kinds of things. Either way, it's hard to think, at the moment a Dremora is a way better lay than any of my past lovers.

"Faster," I cry as I buck back into him. He laughs, curling his fingers over my waist. He slides them down over my stomach, feeling my muscles flex with each push of his hips. His fingers wrap around my base as my palms massages my tip. He gives short quick strokes that make me see stars. I continue pinching along my head as he rubs up against my shaft. My grunts and groans stutter as he fucks me from behind harder, knocking the breath out of me each time.

"Cum for me, my little Nord. I want to feel you squeeze my cock as you do," he rumbles beside my ears. I have no strength to deny him, falling victim to his assaults quickly. In a flash, my body seizes, my spine arching as I feel my balls tighten. I scream like I never have before as I shoot white ropes onto the dirt-covered floor. He doesn’t stop squeezing me, milking me for all I have as his own thrusts stutter. "Yes, just like that," he grunts. As I fall limp on my arms he thrust once more before stilling. I can feel his hot load coating my insides, the feeling is divine. He gasps hard, one of his hands making scratches along my sweaty body.

We both catch our breaths, resting for just a moment in such a dangerous surrounding. He soon pulls out of me, sitting up straight on his knees. I can feel his cum dribble out of me, trailing over my taint and onto my balls before dripping to the floor. I watch between myself as the drops darken the floor.

"You took my seed, the payment is fulfilled," he stands and walks around to my front. He kneels down in front of me as I fall limp to the floor. He grabs my chin and forces me back up on my hands," Till next time, my little Nord." he presses a kiss to my lips then with a smirk, he vanishes. I fall once again onto the floor, naked and defiled.

"till next time," I mumble to myself with a content grin.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wanted to write a MLM story and this smut came out. Also my best friend wanted me to write one too. so technically this is dedicated to him, Love you bro.

I love skyrim so enjoy this mess.

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main Blog

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober Day 13: Future

........... Yall ready for a bigass story dump? Oh boi. Here we go..... (also bonus points and possibly a free sketch will be given to whoever guesses what this story was originally a fanfic of ;p) Again, hate these sketches but im short on time for these posts lol and my pen tablet broke. No more pen pressure, the lines come thick and round always now. big oof.

This story is set in an apocalyptic future.

Small note, i had written originally written half of this in a post, it crashed and didn’t save, so i rewrote it and it became more detailed and uh. im basically like. almost halfway through the fuckin story so..... please enjoy? :,3 I tried going full but its so much plz i cant ah i already have two other oc-tober prompts to complete ;o;

I would also like to specify that uuh this story situation is something I need to work out the kinks for lol. Definitely. Buuuut this is all I have for now XD please take it with a grain of salt. Oke here story:

-        First and foremost, make no mistake, the Yellow and Pink siblings are the main characters. I haven’t fleshed out the others as much as I have these two because of this.

-        It starts with Yellow and Blue. Friends since before they could walk. Their parents were already friends, so it was only natural. Pink was born once they finally hit school, and she grew up seeing Blue as a second brother figure. He was clearly a part of the family.

-        As time went on, though, these familial feelings were turning into something else. Yellow was hit with the realization that he liked his best friend. More than that, he was head over heels in love. But there were lots of problems with this.

-        For one, as soon as he realized his feelings, Blue had made it big in the newest gaming scene. The newest consoles had yet to be mastered, but he pioneered it, creating the first high scores, and charming the onlookers with his commentary as he did so. The rest of the bunker took him in as a new young celebrity.

-        Another big problem was, of course, how close they already were. ‘Brothers’ this, and ‘siblings’ that. The world already saw them as having this relationship, Yellow himself has told them before that Blue was this to him. But now he wasn’t. Yellow could die from embarrassment and shame.

-        And no matter how hard he tried following behind Blue, Yellow just isn’t as gifted; neither on screen nor with his people skills. Yellow does well enough to be a part of the top, but he never stands out. He doesn’t feel special enough.

-        Meanwhile, Orange and Pink are the best of friends. When Pink was little and saw how well her brother got along with Blue, she felt she wanted something like that too. She found her match at school, with the shy and quiet Orange. She was always nervous, but when she opened up, Pink found her to be clever, quick witted and sarcastic. She was a blast. They were inseparable babies, and quickly, they made a promise.

-        It started with Pink proposing to Orange. She liked her! They should clearly get married! But Orange wasn’t so quick to agree. Marriage is such a big commitment! Her mom would never allow it! So they compromised. No matter their future, they’d live close together. They’d always be together.

-        Even as Orange’s older sister took a dislike to Pink’s rowdiness.

-        As time went on, and puberty hit, some things came to light. Pink was very much into girls, in very explicit ways. Orange was…. Not. Nothing explicit for her, thank you very much. Through teenhood, the two kept their strong friendship, though, and always comforted one another. Lots of Pink’s girlfriends ended up jealous of Orange, but Pink would stop them at their tracks. Orange would always be a part of her life. If they don’t get along with her, there’s no point keeping a relationship that doesn’t recognize this.

-        Moving onto the plot, here it is. Everyone is already an adult, Pink and Orange being the youngest. There is a prestigious event that’s going to happen; the launch of the newest console that will feel the most life-like. To celebrate this launch, seven players will be chosen through competitions, and they’ll get to play the first quest in a livestream. It’ll take them three days.

-        Competitions come and most people that were already suspected to be chosen make it. With two surprises. Yellow, who barely got top due to pure luck. And White who… well, Orange is the best medic, hands down. Everyone knows she knows her strategies and most effective ways to save the group. She’s effective. Always where she needs to be. And yet, even though she got the highest score, she’s been pushed aside and her place in the team was given to White. Everyone screams malarky.

-        Pink is pissed for her friend. She was going to have a great time with her in the game! They would be pioneers together! Orange calms her down. Pink should have fun without her, it’s not a big deal. Orange still has her high scores, and she can keep her notoriety. This won’t affect them in the long run. Pink relents but isn’t happy. She hates White and sees him as a prissy elitist. As they go to get lunch, they pass Red. Pink casually invites her to eat with them. Red says she’s busy. Pink is disappointed and Orange laughs. Pink’s got her eyes on Red. If she can’t spend her time with her friend, she’ll be spending it getting closer to her instead…

-        Orange goes home and mopes in secret. She stayed calm for Pink’s sake but she’s really taken this loss hard. She needed to make a break in her record. Have a flashy accomplishment. And it was stolen from her. Her older sister comes in. She’s the head of coding for this new game. Orange mopes around her, begging for her to let her in, or to at least tell her why she didn’t make it. Her sister keeps her lips shut. But. She does concede that it was unfair. She prepares Orange’s favorite dinner and bought her favorite dessert. Orange smiles at the heartfelt show of sympathy and doesn’t bring it up again. Whatever it was that happened, it wasn’t her sister’s fault.

-        White is from a legacy of high-rankers. They’ve always kept their marks perfect, and drilled perfection into their kids. IF there wasn’t a white player in a prestigious event, they had failed. Out of the newest generation’s three, White is the youngest and…. The least skilled. They try! They’ve worked so hard all their life, but their reflexes aren’t as polished no matter how hard they focus. They just can’t be better than Orange, the true best medic. Before the tournament, he had become depressed. He didn’t even want to try out for it, knowing what would happen. But he ran into Red, an old acquaintance from past games, who picked up on how red his eyes were. She treated him to a warm drink. She let him vent. She showed genuine concern, and was gentle as she reassured him she knew his worth. He’s always been a great partner in the games she’s played with him. She knows he’d be a great addition to the team if he makes this. With her words of confidence, he’s flushed. A renown sense of hope…. And a new attraction makes him try harder. He competes. He pushes and pushes to save his teammates. But he’s just not as effective or calculative and Orange gets the big win save for hers. She won, fair and square. But when they present the awards…. It’s White they call out. He’s…. floored. He didn’t win. Why was he getting into the group?

-        He accepts the award. He’s not happy about it, but… it’s all he can do. He asks his family what strings they pulled. They never give him an answer. They don’t even congratulate him or leave any messages as he prepares to stream. He’s left alone to face the wrath of the people who knew Orange deserved his place, her best friend Pink at the forefront. To treat him like the petty sore loser he didn’t want to be. He slapped himself. He can’t let them win. He’ll do it. Red believed in him. He’ll show them what he’s made of with this game! He won’t die. And… he notices the looks Pink is giving Red. He doesn’t like that. He’s going to get closer to Red for sure. He knows he stands no chance with her… but he wants to be someone she opens up to too. And she may not like him romantically, but Pink is in no way someone who deserves her attention. With how brash, rude and self-centered she is? White hates her. They’re going to keep butting heads.

-        Yellow and Blue practice together nonstop. They are in sync, years of getting to know each other’s play style has them adept to being a team. After beating a favorite of theirs, they go out to celebrate. On the way there, Blue keeps being stopped to be congratulated. No one congratulates Yellow. Not that he minds… he doesn’t do well under the spotlight. But… as they sit down to eat, Yellow’s concerns bubble up. After a few drinks, he comes clean. He’s not sure he deserves to be a part of the team. It was pure luck that he barely scraped by and got the most points. He doesn’t even remember what he did to get them. Blue pats his shoulder, and shakes him. He reassures him its only his insecurities making him feel like this. Yellow deserves to be there. And he won’t be alone. Blue will always have his back. Yellow smiles and they have a good time the rest of the night.

-        After a month of preparation, presentations, and practice, it’s finally time. They wave to everyone as they step into the room that will start their procedure. They’ll be knocked out, have their bodies connected to the game, and awaken in it.

-        They’re up. They’re in a metal chamber. They’ve already got their armor suits on, and their weapons are right beside them. It’s a survival game set in what the upper world would look like. They must treat this as real life. Supplies are provided; this is just a trial of the game. The setting isn’t on difficult. Their main focus is to not die, and to get to the end of this delivery mission. They’ll send a note to a sanctuary, the path already set, and it should only take them three days tops. Easy enough. They leave the chamber and take in the view outside, blinking at the harsh morning light. Their livestream begins, their helmets broadcasting what they see.

-        The world is a dump. Nice graphics though. They step out and thus begins the journey. From this point forward, I’ll just mildly explain some events. Some will be more detailed than others cuz this is all a haze.

-        First, as they walk around, they catch the attention of people in cars. Their first bad guys. The bad guys don’t stand a chance against them, and retreat. Red is cautious of them coming back.

-        They stop when they reach an abandoned house, no neighbor houses anywhere. It looks so normal. They step inside and, though decrepit, everything looks ok. Until they reach the basement. An underground lab. Years of gaming has made them apprehensive. They can’t understand what’s going on but this doesn’t look good.

-        Before they can find logs on an old computer, the bad guys they fought before indeed burst through with reinforcements. It’s a close battle, and most of the lab is destroyed in the process. The team beats most of them as one drops a light. The building is set on fire. The team runs away, but Green dropped her gun. Black can’t let them go empty-handed, he leaves his sniper with her and goes back to get it. The fire reaches the lab, to the gas storage and the house explodes while he’s inside. Black is out of the game.

-        Green is miffed. He died so early, and for such a dumb reason! They told him not to go in!! Everyone crowds around them. He’ll be ok, they can yell at him when they win the game. They are comforted by that fact, but still, this loss is taking a toll immediately. They were supposed to be seven and now they are six. So they really will just die and not respawn. For now, they need to continue.

-        The team move forward a bit more but stop to rest for the night once they reach an old city. Red just lost her second in command. She needs someone else to fill in. Pink and White go hard trying to impress her all night. Their stumbling and forcefulness leaves Red more exasperated. She ultimately chooses Blue instead.

-        Where before, Yellow and Blue would be goofing off together, now he has to stay beside Red and help her be vigilant and strategize. Yellow feels a bit left behind again, but Blue reassures it’s only temporary. For them to win the game.

-        They take a rest in an old mattress shop. Perfect for their sleep. They take turns being on watch, not taking off their suits. They were told to keep them on at all times. For safety reasons. And the slight discomfort they felt sleeping with them wasn’t unbearable. It was a calm enough night.

 ~~~

-        A shift in perspective to Orange, she’s been watching the livestream nonstop from the comfort of her home. She checks the media (idk technology I guess these phones just work within their space? Underground? Lolol man idk XD sorry) and everyone is sad about Black being the first to go. Somewhat meanly, people start callously saying Yellow or White should’ve died first.

-        The question pops up. When will they be seeing Black? Now that he’s out of the game, he should be returning. No answer from the game manufacturers. Radio silence.

-        Her sister comes home late that day. She looks frantic and doesn’t even tell Orange hello. She goes straight to the kitchen, picks up a container, and packs in food. She does this when she’s staying the night at the office. Orange is concerned. She asks about Black’s return. Her sister flinches. She stops. After a few, quiet moments, she shakily confesses.

-        “He’s…. dead.”

-        It’s all over the media the next day. There was a malfunction in the game machine. There is a risk of the players dying in real life if they die in game. They just lost Black. Everyone is horrified and outraged. The government tries to reassure the public. They are looking into it. They will bring justice. Orange is beyond worried for everyone, but particularly Pink. She should’ve been there. She wouldn’t let them die. But here, at the Bunker, there’s nothing she can do. Only watch and hope.

~~~~~~~~~

-        Two days left. They’re doing well on time. Their map is a general one, only showing the straight line they need to take. No small details or markers to be had. Pink and White are still at each other’s throats, blaming the other for not getting the position beside Red. A scuffle comes to them. Not the same bad guys, new ones. More sophisticated ones. They aim for their heads, and shout insults at them. Calling them ‘Bomberbees’.

-        In the scuffle, Yellow notices something off. A child by themselves, no older than four or five, in the middle of the street, getting caught in the crossfire. They hide behind an old, toppled over car, but stray bullets hit the gas. It drips and Yellow remembers Black’s death. Without much thinking, they scurry from the fight to pick up the kid and run. Sure enough, a spark from a fire close by lands in the gas, and causes another fire. Then bam, second explosion. The kid is clinging to him, Yellow has gotten them out of the fire, but now they’re being chased by someone from the attackers. They get caught in a shop without exits. Yellow tries to shoot with one hand, but he can’t get the attacker. As they near, they pick up a heavy display, readying to crush Yellow and the kid. A shot hits them in the neck and stops them, making the heavy load also slip and fall on their head. They’re dead. Blue rushes inside. He’s furious.

-        He’s cursing at Yellow for putting his life in danger like that. Yellow lets go of the kid, and they run away immediately, scared of Blue. Yellow is anxious, wanting to follow the child. Blue is incredulous. It’s an NPC. Yellow tries to reason. Maybe it’s a side quest? It’s a kid alone in this dangerous hell hole. They should help. Blue shakes his head, they already lost Black. They can’t lose Yellow. Not for this. He uses his rank, as second in command. Yellow can’t look for the kid. It’s an order. They return to the group.

-        They had managed to kill enough for the bad guys to retreat, but the toll was heavy on their resources. In just these first two days, they’ve gone over half their ammo. Realizing their situation, Red begins prioritizing looting. She was right the first time when she said bad guys return with reinforcements. These new dudes can too.

-        Taking advantage of the big city, they venture a bit to get more ammo. They split into groups. Unfortunately, despite her protests, Pink gets put with White. Red was hoping they’ll work whatever they have going on. They bicker as they leave, and she already regrets her decision.

-        Yellow gets put with Green, and they go the opposite direction. Close to where the child ran off. He recounts what happened as they scavenge around, Green listening with only mild interest. Then she sees a kid herself, at the end of a street with a toppled skyscraper. It motions to them. They follow.

-        The kid leads them to their home inside the topped skyscraper. There’s a bunch more kids. They’re surrounding one of themselves, a hurt girl. The boy Yellow saved quietly steps forward and asks him to help her too. Yellow and Green look at each other. Side quest?

-        Blue and Red are on their own. They have the easiest time out of all of them. They started by looting the bodies. They never really got to appreciate it before, but these gory details…. Went above and beyond. Almost felt surreal to Blue that he was gathering bullets from the pockets of a man’s bottom half torso, his top half across the room. He suspected if he took off his helmet, the place would smell too. Red is quiet, but she eventually breaks the silence. She apologizes for putting Blue as her second in command without asking him. He shakes it off. It’s alright. Black’s death was unexpected. Black’s death. Blue almost shivers thinking about it. Everything in the game has felt so lifelike. He’d hate to go out with a bang like that. He tried making the situation lighter by bringing up what Black would be doing right now. Probably, he’d be escorted to the hotel nearby to stay and watch the livestream until his teammates finished. He’s probably beating himself up over being the first to die. Red shakes her head, remembering how her friend hated losing first. But more than that, he hated being separated from Green. This would be his true hell. And the comments he’ll get on his news feed! The roasts! They laughed, imagining it. All for his lover’s gun. Green has him whipped. Blue sorts through some more piles of trash, the laughter dying down. Behind his smile, he hid concerns. It was so fast to die here. No health bars to keep in check. Nothing but realism. He had to keep Yellow safe.

-        Cut back to Pink and White. Though they hate each other, they do work together. There’s no point letting their disagreements drag the group down. They manage to find an old gun store. Jackpot? As they scavenge, a wild, and mutated animal enters the store. A chase ensues. White is quick and small. He manages to get away fast, leaving behind the stocky and slower Pink. She curses at him for not sticking to her. She gets cornered as more of the same mutants show up. She decides she needs to blow them in one go. It’s her only choice. Though it’s one of her last three, she readies her grenade, but is beat to the punch by a giant beam crushing all three mutants. The dust settles and she sees White on top of the beam, having pushed it down with his entire weight. He’s hurt.

-        He turns on his healing, but it’ll still take a while. She helps him up. She’s salty, but grateful. He’s limping. They’re far from the group. And they still need to go back and check for ammo. Stuck together for longer, they finally break the ice. She was impressed by how quick he was. He hesitantly takes the compliment. As they continue, curiosity burns. She’s been chastising him for so long, she wants genuine answers. She asks him why he chose to be a medic. He says he didn’t. He was forced into it because, naturally, his siblings and parents already filled other roles. She doesn’t like this answer. So he relented?  Just like that? She lets him have it. Orange loves being medic. She put her heart and soul into her job. He just does this because of his family.

-        White bites back. Yeah he gave in. His family is so overwhelming. His entire life was already given goals he didn’t choose. An idea he had to live as. Of course she wouldn’t understand. No one but them would understand. He has no choice. But he doesn’t want to disappoint or be a burden. That’s his reason for training! He…. Breaks down at this. He cries. Pink is very uncomfortable. They reach the gun store and separate again. Its quiet with the occasional sniffles. Pink feels…. A bit bad.

-        They do find ammo. White heals. They walk back. Pink relents after a few minutes, and tells White that… he isn’t.. the WORST medic. He did manage to be second in the competition. That counts for something. He’s surprised by her try at peace. He also gives in. He says he’s sorry for taking Orange’s spot. He honestly didn’t ask for it. But his family… Pink is surprised by this confession. So he didn’t get in because he pulled strings. It was his overbearing parents. She finally gives up her hatred for the short dude. It’s not helping either of them. They return more successful than the others, being the second group back. To Red’s delight, White and Pink aren’t fighting anymore. She gives them both a pat and congratulates them. She’s proud they can work through their differences. As she leaves them, they both sigh at the same time. Then look at each other. Oh yeah. They’re still rivals.

-        Yellow and Green get back late. They tell the group about the kids. Blue is quick to groan, but Red takes an interest. She allows the team to accept the side quest. They just need to help one hurt kid, after all. They turn to White, pleadingly. Can he do it? White gulps, the pressure being on for him to succeed. Now was his chance to prove himself as a medic.

-        Still not sure how to make the healing system work exactly, but ultimately, he succeeds. The kids swear he’s a wizard, but he brushes it off. Still, he’s flattered and riding a high from his success. They say goodbye to the kids, who take a liking to White, Green and Yellow for being nice. They still don’t like Blue and are wary of Pink and Red. Either way, they leave, and the three favored talk about how real the kids acted. The NPCs in this world are well-made.

-        They’re on the move and there’s some lighter bickering between White and Pink as they continue trying to get Red’s attention, but she ignores them. They halt their walking as a familiar event occurs, dirty beat up cars coming and circling them. They stop and open. A big man, clearly in charge steps out. He’s there to give them a warning. When they stepped inside that normal-looking house, they were in Crumble territory. His lackeys foolishly followed behind, and now the building is gone. He’s barely placated these ‘Crumbles’ by making a deal with them. To catch this team and bring them back. His lackeys point their weapons. Are they going to come quietly or do they need to make a scene?

-        Pink is excited. “Oh the plot is picking up!” It’s a fight. It’s super close, the hardest fight they’ve been in by far, but it’s completely thanks to their armor that they get the upper hand, and leave by stealing a vehicle. All those driving games taught White how to be a getaway driver well. They escape, and along the way, ditch the car in case they can track it. They survived the second day.

-        Back to it being night, they make a fire and gather around. They have bedrolls to sleep in, but it’s uncomfortable. One person will stay guard while the rest sleep. They SHOULD be sleeping in their armor no problem. But especially with the bedrolls… its uncomfortable. So Pink takes hers off. As they choose spots to put down their rolls, she ends up setting hers next to White. She tells him he’s impressed her today. “If you can’t make it as a medic, you can definitely win competitions with those skills you know.” White is embarrassed, but… hopeful. He liked the thrill of going fast. Maybe… this could be something he’s good at. As Pink lays herself down, she slips and hurts herself on a jagged rock. She starts to bleed. White stares. They’re baffled. Having never taken their suits off prior, they hadn’t realized they can bleed. “It even hurts.” Pink laughs it off. “Damn, they went all out for this.” White agrees, but it still doesn’t sit well. Red passes them and his concern fades into thoughts of her instead. He gets up.

-        Red is first watch. He stops by to just…. Tell her she’s doing a good job leading them so far. Red is surprised. He never talks to her first, always shy and skittish. She smiles back at him, sadly. She thanks him, but she can’t take the compliment. Black’s loss was a failure on her part. A real good leader would’ve held him back by force. It was a stupid death, no way around it.

-        After an awkward silence (because White didn’t know how to follow that up), Red decides its her turn to be nice. She thanks White for saving them today. Her compliment is genuine, and she follows it with a head pat. He’s incredibly happy from this, and goes to bed looking beet red with a goofy smile. Pink notices. She decides it’s time for her to get a bit more aggressive. Gotta put down all her cards before slowpoke seals the deal.

-        Pink’s shift is next. As she goes to relieve Red, she also tries for small chat. It doesn’t work. Red calls her out for not being in her armor. Pink says she’ll get it in a bit. Red starts to leave, she is tired. Pink blurts in a moment of impulsiveness.

-        “When… all this is done, can we go for a drink?” Red stops and turns around. She’s confused. “Uh.. sure? I imagine we’ll all have a big celebration with alcohol anyways…” “Yeah, but I’m not asking to just get wasted. I’m asking to.. be able to get alone with you.”

-        Ah. Now Red gets it. She’s embarrassed. After a momentary pause that feels like forever, she speaks. “I’m… sorry.” Pink is hurt. She knew she had less of a chance with her but she’s still hurt. Pink brushes it off. “It’s ok.” Red still looks like she has more to say, but… she turns back. She’s tired and now isn’t a good time. The stream is still on. God, Red remembered and so did Pink. She just got rejected in front of the whole Bunker... Pink is frustrated and cant sleep even when her shift is done.

~~~~~~~~

-        Back at the Bunker, Orange watched the confession and felt terrible for her friend. She had been embarrassed today. Still, more than the concern for her love life, was the concern for her life. The confession was secondary to the threat of them all dying.

-        The media has blown up much much more. Everyone was scared for the player’s lives already, but after today’s stream, more joined in. The people that hated White have mostly turned around, finding his day as redeeming. Instead, blame was shifted onto his family as they were now seen for the perfectionist robots they were. But more than that, they have now effectively put their youngest in danger for his life by forcing him onto this game. Very unexpectedly, the Whites…. Showed remorse. They never expected to sign away their child’s life. It was just supposed to be another prestigious event to get their name into. They’re mad at the game developers and are with the people hounding the government to get answers. They’re mad, and they want their family member back. Alive.

-        Yellow also begins getting his own fans. Showing care for the NPCs, especially contrasted with Blue’s disregard of them…. Blue fans are buzzing. What kind of person doesn’t care for children, EVEN in a game? Defenders of Blue make their case, it’s a dangerous situation and they’ve lost Black. Though he doesn’t know it, keeping everyone in the team alive over NPCs IS the way to go. Still, it doesn’t sit well with half his supporters, and alliances are shifting. Yellow is gaining followers.

-        Pink’s bold declaration made her gain new fans. Many proclaimed that if Pink made it out, they would gladly take her. Orange grimaced at these. Red, likewise, got a lot of…. Hate. Pink fans thought she was too mean with her rejection. Red stans defended her right to say no. There was a battle between the two, and in any other day this would be normal, but the underlying pressure of either not making it highlights their hate for one another. These could be their last moments, and now they’ll spend them awkwardly. Orange sighs and drops her phone.

-        All day, Orange’s sister has been out of the house. Though she had taken food with her, Orange guesses it wasn’t enough. Orange hasn’t talked to her all day, not after finding out her friend was in danger and her sister was part of it. There are no words to describe her feelings. Still. With how stressful things are right now…. Her sister should be at her top game trying to fix this. She should be eating well. Orange makes her dinner, still… upset but resigned to what’s happened, and goes to deliver it. Having done this before, she has no problem getting through to her office. She meant to leave the packed, warm lunch in her desk if she wasn’t there, but she dillydallies when she finds the picture of White on her sister’s screen. She looks around. No one is watching her, everyone busy with the catastrophe at hand. She clicks through and discovers. Her sister specifically made the deal to keep her out of the game. To bring White in. In her emails, she seemed aggressive this be done. Even threatening to quit her beloved job. Orange hears the clicking of her sister’s heels and returns everything back the way it was. She sits down at her sister’s seat with the dinner in her lap and her phone in her hand, pretending to have been waiting for her. The interaction is normal. She hugs her, gives her the food, and leaves. On the way out, she sees a group of her sister’s coworkers rush out of a familiar room. The room that’s always been showcased as where the players would be held. She slips behind the cameras and peeks in through the door’s small window. The machine that was supposed to connect everyone’s minds is… empty. They’re not here. Orange’s stomach twists. Where are they then?

-        Hearing more people coming, she rushes out of the corridor and out of the building. She has too much to think about. Too many implications. She. Wants. Answers.

~~~~~~~~~~~

-        One day left. They are close! They wake up and get ready. Their last stop crosses through a town. They’ll get to interact with more NPCs! Everyone is excited. They begin the walk, Blue talking to Red, Green to White. Pink stayed quiet. Yellow is concerned for his sister. All their time spent here, she’s been making googly eyes at Red, and now she won’t even look at her. Oh no. He knows whats up.

-        He tries to cheer her up, reminiscing her old girlfriends… and some other nice girls waiting back home. Pink snorts. She’s not in the mood for this. Not from someone like him. Yellow is hurt. What does she mean someone like him? Much to his dismay, Pink gives him a look. Then she looks back at Blue. … she knew? “You knew?” “It’s… not exactly subtle.” She teased. “You’ve liked him since you wer-“ “PINK! SHUT UP!” “What? Rude.” Yellow looks furious. Slow realization dawns on her yet again. She forgot that they were on a stream. Ooh dear.

-        Now they were both in a bad mood. Yellow terrified of going back when they won, to having clips of his sister’s words thrown in his and Blue’s face. He never wanted to confess! This will ruin their friendship! And the audience backlash!!!! Blue has a lot of diehard stans that… to put it mildly, are not keen on giving him up. To hear his own best friend, whom they barely tolerated already, has a crush on him. Yellow. Was. Scared.

-        Pink feels so guilty. She was already in a crappy mood and now she’s gone and made things worse. It’s her turn to try to reach out and reassure Yellow, when more dust picks up from behind. They hear the sounds of vehicles. Oh great, there’s more. They ready for a fight, but are caught off guard when the cars aren’t stopping. They instead, zoom by, each one trying to wrap a rope lasso around a member as they move. Most of them dodge or cut the ropes in time. Pink doesn’t She’s caught by the midriff and dragged along, her armor taking most of the hits for her as she bounces along the ground. This is NOT her day! Her teammates chase after her, but the cars are too fast. Thinking fast, she pulls a grenade from her backpack. The one she didn’t use against the mutants. She aims, and luck is on her side as she’s able to chuck it inside the open window holding her rope. The car explodes and she’s blown back. She hits her helmet. She dents it. Her livestream is shut off.

-        Her teammates get to her just as soon as the cars double back and try to lasso them again. They’re prepared now, dodging and even pulling someone out by yanking on the rope. They kill them. Per Red’s orders, they aim for the wheels. They get one car to pop, the others drive away, having failed. The car they left behind is quiet. They inch closer. They see the figure inside, staring at them. He opens his mouth, but before he can say a word, Green from behind everyone shoots him in the head. She needed to practice using Black’s gun anyways. Everyone congratulates her for her aim… though it wasn’t as good as it could be. She laughs with them, promising to give up being a sniper one this was over. She’s only taking over because she lost her gun.

-        Pink gets up. From her reads, its clear her livestream set up is too jammed to start back up again. Her footage is lost now. It’s a bummer. Yellow helps her as they continue moving towards their destination, but neither speak. Still mad. Still guilty. They reach the town. It’s huge! And unlike the abandoned city, it’s full of people… They decide to stay and explore a bit. They had time, their destination was just a ways across from here. They’d make it.

-        Trying to distract herself from her conflicting emotions, Pink leaves the group when they’re not looking to go to a bar. There, she finds what she believes to be a mini quest. An old man is complaining about what he calls ‘the abomination’ taking his wares the other day. Pink jumps into accepting this NPC’s quest, to defeat the abomination and retrieve his goods. She follows his directions to the outskirts of town. To a normal-looking cabin. Wanting this to be quick she carelessly blasts the front door open and immediately, a fight begins. The abomination has green fur, different sized golden eyes, and scales and spikes scattered around its body. The abomination makes some clear sounds that reminisce garbles. So it can’t even communicate. This has got to be it.

-        They fight, almost destroying the home in the process. The abomination almost bites the dust with a full face blast, but manages to scurry away, Pink hot on their trail. In the chase, she follows it out of the town… into a valley… behind a fence clearly stating danger… The creature leads her to a cave where it gets darker… and warmer… By the time she notices her radiation alarms going off, she’s already feeling sick and exhausted. She passes out.

-        She comes to outside, feeling something in her mouth. She swallows unconsciously, but gags at the foul taste and sputters. She looks up at the person holding her. The abomination. Pink is quick on the draw…. Except her gun is not with her. Neither is her suit. She panics but a voice is heard from behind. “She saved you, and you still want to blast her?!” She turns around to see a shiny, scaled person judging her. “You should’ve left her in the cave, Charger.”

-        The abomination makes more garbles, with a shrug. Pink is confused. With the help of the draconic(?) (who is the abomination’s brother???) the situation is cleared up. So the quest was a lie. The old man is a smuggler, and the goods they confiscated where weapons stolen from another smaller town nearby. Pink was being played. Pink apologizes, not knowing what else to do. She had thought this was just another clear cut mini-mission. Who knew this game had moral complexity like this?

-        Charger forgives her, to her brother’s annoyance. Pink stick around for a bit, offered a place at their dinner table. She got to meet their oldest brother, and taste what local food is really like. It’s not bad. She gets back her suit and weapon. She’s allowed to go. But before she does… she ends up opening up to these nice NPCs. Why not? Her comms where off and her livestream camera was busted anyways. The NPCs nodded along and Charger gave her a hug by the end. The middle brother gave a few words of wisdom. “So it’s not what you wanted. But at least you’ve got a great friend to add to your collection. And she sounds pretty bad ass… you gotta keep those close.” Pink laughed. Yeah… she’s been lucky in the friend department. She mused how much she missed Orange. She got to leave finally, a load off her shoulders. She went back to the group, where stuff… is going down. The town is in chaos and her team is in the middle of it. What happened while she was gone?

-        When Pink left, the group had decided to split again. Green, Blue and Yellow went to see something (idk lol haven’t worked this out yet) and White and Red stayed together. They explore the local food and shops. They have a nice time taking everything in. They peak a few people’s curiosities, but they aren’t outright being aggressive, so the NPCs leave them alone. It’s a fun day…. One could even say…. It’s like a fun… date…

-        White can’t hold it in anymore. He’s ready to confess. He takes her to a secluded spot and very nervously fidgets with his helmet… taking it off and begins to talk by bringing up a memory. The day Red helped him. Red’s attention is piqued. What about it? White continues. That day, he had hit his alltime low. He was ready to quit gaming altogether. But she… gave him hope again. Made him strive to be someone worthy of working beside her. Her cheeks redden and her eyes widen. She’s realizing where this is going. White continues. Being here, watching her work…. He was content with just staying in the background... but after today. He holds her hand, he himself turning into a tomato. Nervously, he blurts. He wants to stay by her side, even outside of this game. He has his eyes closed. No sounds respond to him. He nervously opens them to see Red’s expression. She looks sympathetic… but that’s it. His heart drops. “White…” His face stays aflame, he wants to cry.

-        With a shaky voice he rushes out. “Oh-nonono its ok I just. I pushed this on you- Im ok I just-“ “No. White, listen to me.” He stops his tumbling and listens. He wont look at her, but he’s readying himself for her response. She sighs, and takes his shaking shoulders. “I like you White… but I’m not… interested in being in a relationship. With anyone.” White’s shakiness drops. Ok… now he’s looking at her. Her expression is sincere. White is confused. Red makes a disgruntled noise. “I should’ve explained this sooner to people… I’m not looking for any romance. I just. Don’t have any interest in it.” She looks away, taking another breath and continues. “I know most people don’t understand it but please… believe me. This isn’t me lying to you to make your rejection easier. I…. genuinely am trying to… get you to understand.” Her expressions. Her trying to hard. He’s seen enough. He’s convinced. And he’s honestly... touched. He sniffles and rubs his eyes, he was just about to cry a second ago. But he feels it’s silly now. He’s still sad, but more than that. He smiles at her. He thanks her for confessing this to him… he hopes this means they can stay friends. She smiles back, relieved, beaming. Of course. She thanks him for understanding and ends the conversation with a hug. It’s a nice rejection.

-        It’s at this moment, that they are attacked. Caught completely off-guard, they are easy targets. Still, they put up a fight. Red can get to her gun and fends them off. White isn’t as lucky. He’s knocked down easily, tied and gagged. He’s got a concussion, but he’s still fighting to stay conscious. Red chases after them, shooting. People around the streets flee from the scene. Green, Blue and Yellow heard the commotion. They run and are ready to help, weapons raised. The kidnappers know they are outnumbered. But they have leverage. They hide behind White, holding his struggling body. If they shoot, they can hit his soft nogging. The one holding him grips his hair tightly. White makes a noise of pain.

-        Pain. In game. The team looks at one another. Red tells them to put their weapons down. They slowly do. A car comes blasting through the now empty streets. Their ride. They’re taking White. If they want him safe, they’ll come with them without any problem. More bad guys get around them. They’re ready to bind them. Red is the quickest shot. She knocks back the person behind her, manages to shoot the two behind Green and Yellow, and Blue followed suit with his own. She points her gun to the one holding White, but a sharp cry of pain makes her hesitate.

-        What was he doing? He twisted White’s arm forcefully and doesn’t stop until it snaps. White is screaming. His arm socket has popped off. It hangs loosely. The holder is cursing at them. They should’ve played nice! He throws White into the car and jumps in, closing the door. The car slams it. They shoot but its too late. White is gone. They’ve lost a member to an unforeseen obstacle.

-        They’ve failed.

-        And more than that.

-        Those cries… wont leave their heads. Red throws her gun in anger. White was in pain. There is pain in this game. Real, fucking pain. Blue and Yellow immediately look at each other. Green is in shock. What the fuck is going on.

-        Pink returns to this, White missing and the group in shambles. Pink is confused. Of course there is pain. Had no one else noticed? They look at one another. They never left their suits. They never got hurt before this. No. Only White has gotten bruises from the pillar he toppled. Only Pink has gotten cut from a rock. Their only concerns were dodging bullets that didn’t even penetrate their armor. They didn’t think pain would be a factor. This new information sets a series of horrid questions through their brains. It was this easy to get hurt. And Black? He died in an explosion. His suit may protect him from bullets but not from fires that hot. He may be chilling back home now, but at what cost?

-        What madman programmed realistic pain into a fucking game.