#the delighted status probably just falls onto the exact end of 'fucking around with their mind' that the scoundrel Doesn't Enjoy

[thegreatyin]

What is the Scoundrel thinking about as they go through in this ship? Did they get down to the lowest level yet.

...did they find the thing that is in the deck. Admist the wax?

it isn't thinking anything, really. it's just- moving. quickly. no it's not breathing frantically that's just how its chest works. no its hands aren't trembling they just happen to feel a bit chilly today. if they pick on the (now thoroughly blood-soaked) bandages on their arms, well, that's their business!! it doesn't mean they're scared. they're perfectly calm. look at them!!! they're smiling!!!!! they're having a Delightful time!!!!!!!!

now where was that pesky-

oh.

oh, they need to get the hell out of here.

[selfindulgentpoorlywritten]

Smug (Mitch Marner Imagine)

Finally posting the first part of the Mitch imagine! It’ll be four parts, but I won’t make any promises on when the next part will be out, because that seems to curse me.

Rating: T

Pairing: Mitch Marner/Reader

Words: 1544

Warnings: None

Requested: yes/no

Summary: You meet Mitch Marner at a birthday party and, well, you’re not quite sure if he’s an asshole or not.

It’s your best friend’s birthday, is why you’re here. Well, at least insofar as you tell others. A good part of it is that you love skating with your whole heart, but you’re not quite willing to tell anyone else that you’ve loved ice skating since you were a kid (even though you’d fallen out of form over the years) and the chance to skate at the Ford Performance Center, where the Marlies and Leafs practiced, was a dream come true. It was easier to just say that you were there for Nathalie, not that you’re a hockey nerd and are excited for the opportunity to skate on the (not-so) same ice as professional teams.

No matter what your reasons are, you step onto the ice with a confidence that may have been a little unfounded with how out of practice you are. You’re still doing better than the rest of the party, finding your legs much quicker than anyone else. You’re not a pro by any means, but you’re much better than the majority of the group. You’re more than aware that Nathalie is a great skater, but both she and yourself are hanging back to help the others. You offer a hand (or two) to those who haven’t skated before, or who have far less experience than you.

You spend a good fifteen minutes, at least, helping the rest of the party find their balance, smiling and laughing along the way. Most of the group are doing slow laps of the rink, chatting and generally having a good time. You, on the other hand, are speeding around the oval, delighted to finally be back on your blades. The wind created by your speed whips your hair around, the pumping of your arms and legs making you acutely aware of the flow of blood through your body. Your heart is soaring, delighted to be back where you belong, where you feel most at home.

Later, you’re helping Nathalie’s niece figure out how to stop without running straight into the boards when it happens. It goes like this: Maria is skating toward you as you glide backward, instructing her on proper stopping technique. You stop a couple feet from the wall, and she tries to put your advice into practice as she nears you, but doesn’t quite succeed. Rather than falling, she continues in a straight line directly at you, and she looks scared, so you decide to stay in place and let her run into you rather than the unrelenting wall. Which is how you’re sent backward with all the force of an eleven-year-old skating full tilt into you. You’re only a foot or two from the wall, but you’re propelled back enough to hit it pretty solidly, except the wall says “oof” and you’re pretty sure they don’t have talking walls. Or walls with arms that wrap around you like yours did Maria. Meaning someone had gone behind you at the exact wrong time, and you hope it’s your friend Roger, because hitting anyone else like that would be embarrassing.

All of this happens in the span of a few seconds, so you don’t have much time to react when you look back to make a joke to Roger and instead find a complete stranger standing there saying “woah, careful there”. Except it’s not a complete stranger, is it? Maybe? Is someone’s stranger-status entirely dependent on whether you’ve ever actually met them in person before? Whatever the qualifications for being a stranger are, the person who just slammed into the boards definitely isn’t one of your friends, because it’s Mitch Marner. Like. The Mitch Marner. Whose smile falls from his face the second you make eye contact, replaced with a flash of something to quick to name, before coming back as more of a smirk than anything.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you say, mortified. Of all the people in the world that you could literally run into. Jesus Christ. Maria wriggles out of your hold and skates away, throwing a quick “sorry, mister!” over her shoulder as she abandons you. Traitor.

“Can’t believe I’m getting boarded even on my off days now,” he says. He’s clearly joking, but you’re embarrassed and feel bad and what if you end up being “that chick who hit Mitch Marner”?

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, turning fully toward him, “I was trying to teach her how to stop and didn’t even realize you were there.” He looks over your shoulder and you follow his gaze to where Maria has just successfully stopped herself without the assistance of the wall.

“Looks like she’s got the hang of it to me,” he quips, laughing brightly when you whisper an awed “son of a bitch” under your breath. You turn back to him, ready to apologize again— third time’s the charm— but he just shakes his head when you open your mouth, so you close it. You’re not really sure what you’re supposed to do in this situation, so you go with your first instinct and shove your hand out toward him so firmly he startles.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, nice to meet you,” you say, because you’re a stupid idiot who doesn’t know how to act around cute guys. Fortunately, he just smiles and shakes your hand, all firm grip and rough calluses and gleaming white teeth. It’s kind of breathtaking, really.

“Hi Y/N, I’m Mitch,” he replies. His hair is slightly tousled, like he just woke up from a nap, and shines in the overhead lights. As much as you’d hoped it was just editing magic, his eyes are as clear, bright blue as in the photos and videos. His lips are pink where his smile has turned closed-mouthed and almost… smug? Only when you take in the full smug expression on his face do you realize you’re still holding his hand. How long have you been holding it? How long have you been just staring at him point blank, blatantly checking him out?

“Sorry,” you say yet again, tearing your hand away just as quickly as you’d offered it. The second you let go, your hands are suddenly freezing. You should have worn gloves.

“It’s okay,” he only looks-- well, he doesn’t look more smug so much as wolfish, “It happens more than you’d think.” Is that supposed to be comforting, or is he just full of himself? You want to say that you can’t imagine an entire city worshipping an asshole, but a Leafs player could murder someone and Toronto would probably still treat them like a god. But he just. Doesn’t seem that kind, y’know? Unfortunately (or fortunately?) you don’t have any previous experience with him to judge off of, so you’re just going to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he’s trying to be reassuring.

“Well I didn’t think it happened at all, so,” you say, not above chirping him a bit, “I’d hope this is more than I thought.” Was that mean? There’s a difference between banter and bullying, and you have trouble navigating it sometimes. He looks shocked for a moment, before laughing so hard he throws his head back and grabs at his sternum.

“You’re pretty funny, eh?”  he replies after he finishes laughing, “I like that in a girl.” What the fuck does that mean?

“Well, I like a man with a positive plus-minus,” you say, gently slapping his diaphragm with the back of your hand. He clutches that spot with both hands, looking overly-wounded, giving you big puppy-dog eyes.

“Ouch; harsh,” he says, playing it  up for a moment before he smiles again. God, that damn smile is going to be the death of you.

“I’ve got to go greet the birthday girl,” he says afterward, looking a bit… hesitant? It’s only then that you realize running into him made you the first person he met here, and you feel kind of bad, because Nathalie is a huge Leafs fan and loves Marner.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” you say, because you can’t stop fucking apologizing, “Nathalie is over there.” You point toward where she’s spinning on the ice with one of her sisters. What you’re expecting is for him to skate on over to her. What you’re not expecting is for him to take one of your hands in his own and looking so deeply into your eyes that you feel hypnotised.

“Come to a game some time,” he says, not quite an order. His big blue eyes are fixed on you and you’re helpless to do anything but nod. You don’t really know what he thinks will happen if you do come, and you’re not sure he knows you live in Toronto, which means you’ll absolutely be at a game at some point. But he asked, and well. You don’t really have any reason to refuse.

As he skates over to an ecstatic Nathalie, you can only watch him go. He doesn’t have all his pads on, so you can see the flex of his thighs and the curve of his ass, which you are absolutely refusing to acknowledge. He’s charming, sure, but you’re pretty sure he’s an asshole, and you don’t have time for that in your life. But if he asked...

[shslkarutaqueen-blog]

45 Chara Dev Questions!

a la Tom Ham, ft. too much babbling.

Original Questions

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Tomoka has 4 sisters! One older and three younger, to be specific. If you’ve looked through her photo album you probably know they all kinda look the same, though they do grown into some differences when they get older. Tomo is the only one who never grows past 5′2″ eventually. It’s sad. She’s closest with her older sister, Makoto, a bartender. Makoto fought constantly with their parents, and after a long time struggling with her time as the family heir, she broke off ties and moved out on her own. As the two oldest, Tomo and Mako have seen each other through a lot of their hardships, and Tomo sympathized with Mako while Mako served as Tomo’s encouragement. They spend more time with each other these days than with any of their other family members. Kasumi is the next youngest sister, the middle child! She’s the current family heir, as Tomo dumped that responsibility onto her after she left the family as well. While the two aren’t at odds with one another, there is some minor tension between the two since they’re less close and don’t share a mutual understanding on... well pretty much anything. Next down the line is Misaki. She’s very close with Kasumi, the two call each other Zuzu and Kiki. Misaki is very high-spirited, and Kasumi finds herself often in the position of her protector.

The youngest is Kimiko! She’s mysterious and spooky... not exactly close with any of the sisters, but quite cool and collected for her age, and arguably close with their father. I hope u enjoyed that text wall for question #1.

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

??? Hamazoe (whoops!). Tomo doesn’t know either of her parents very well, as she’s lived with her grandparents for most of her childhood and currently lives alone. She holds some resentment toward them for being Garbage, but not nearly as much as Mako, who has a very personal feud. Although she doesn’t know that much about what her mother does, Tomo is aware that she used to be an olympic gold medalist, and feels somewhat sorry for her knowing she gave up her dream life to marry into the Hamazoe family and have 5 hecking kids. 

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Where Tomo has a bit of sympathy for her mother, she has absolutely none for her father. Again, it’s not direct animosity, but she holds a strong “Tch, Whatever” attitude towards the two for skipping out on raising their own children. ??? Hamazoe (whoops x2!) is from a long line of ambitious businessmen, and pushes the children (mostly through his parents, who actually take care of them) to be ambitious and follow extremely specific goals. He’s not all bad, but he has a severe lack of understanding as to how to raise and deal with kids.  Both parents are actually fairly coddling toward Tomo, as she didn’t exactly have a formal breakoff like Mako, and they’re hesitant to burn bridges with another daughter (do they feel guilty, or do they not want bad press? who knows...). Ever since Tomo moved out, they’ve been sending her checks to help support herself, which she ‘begrudgingly’ accepts. Neither of them showed up to her Queen match! She’s a little upset over that. Just a bit.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Not exactly? Mako having her falling out with the fam did trigger what eventually made Tomo Grow A Pair, so to say. Before then she was very domestic and abiding. Then she realized. Oh wait fuck this I don’t have to listen to other people. Eventually learned to stand up to her Grandmother and her verbal abuse etc. Ta da! Her fam is probably all aware of this.

(^^ Her potential despair fever personality was going to be this, essentially) 

As far as in-game? Well... the whole dying thing definitely had an impact on her! In what way? Hey... I won’t spoil ; } (jk not much changed but she’s a bit shook and her ridiculous self-confidence is currently butting heads with delightful depression)        

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Candy, Duh. Her outfits almost never have pockets, but she will make sure to carry this one thing no matter what. Similar to how she keeps thing in her sleeves, she tends to squirrel away whatever she needs in her socks, waistband, bra, you name it. Pre-doubt she always carries at least a little money on her at all times.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

Cats! Also, I like to think she has dreams about idols and movies-- the kind of things she doesn’t like to talk about, but secretly loves. Historical dramas, tea in a garden, herself on a stage singing. How fun!

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

Her recurring nightmare is facing off with the Meijin! He’s seriously scary! It always ends either just before she’s about to lose or right after a climactic monologue. The monologue is extra scary. Words.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Nope! And she’s not looking to try it out. Toucan Dan says No Guns No Funs.

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

Heck yea! She was the heir to a rich family and then ditched it to live on her own as a teen. Admittedly, she gets money from her parents still to pay rent, but she’s nowhere near livin’ on the ritz anymore. She hangs onto some nice things, like her favorite kimonos, and buys as expensive food as she’s able, but otherwise doesn’t do amazingly for herself.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

More, I suppose? Either is fine, but less definitely has casual connotations to it. Tomo’s certainly not shy about showing skin. Being in a kimono and hakama definitely sets her in ‘game mode’, and gives her a +10 boost to confidence (hence why she feels best wearing it to all trials, as well as when she practices in order to get ‘serious’).

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

Off the top of my head I’d have to say when she faced the meijin the day after her queen match. He asked her to a play a game for ‘fun’ knowing the two can’t face each other for any official ranking purposes, and his playing style absolutely pulled the floor out from under her. He’s a master of manipulation, smart as she’s ever met, and knows exactly how to push at people to get them out of their element- which is a lot to say for Tomo considering her play syle is almost the exact opposite, yet he still broke through. She still shudders thinking about him to this day.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

Generally speaking Tomo is calm nearly all the time! She was amazingly serene (in her own way) during her final match against the former queen, however. Despite the way she jokes around and how brash she can be, Tomo is amazing at keeping herself genuinely collected on the inside. To truly rile her is a feat, though she loves to play around and pretend to get upset.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Not really! She’s not a fan of blood, for sure, but it doesn’t shake her, nor is it a phobia or squick to any extent. It’s gross, but as previously mentioned, she doesn’t let that kind of stuff get to her. Whatever the circumstance is, she’ll take it objectively as it comes.

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Naaames. Not that she’s too bad at remembering people in general, but she’s used to verbal association. It probably helps that she likes to call people by their first names and nicknames! Or is that what makes it easier? Hmm...

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

It’s not her main focus in life by any means, though she has ‘’’’Refined Tastes’’’’’ so money is obviously important to, um, purchase those. She’s more materialistic than money-grubbing for certain. She likes to Have things. Though she’s also pretty good at sharing! Kind of. Er.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Ooh... Success is very, very important to Tomoka... A big struggle for her is what success means and when she’s attained it. It’s a driving force behind the whole reason she left home, feeling like she needed to make something of herself, all on her own. 

In this way... I guess success and happiness can kind of complicate one another for her sometimes? Happiness is also important, as is probably obvious just from her fun-loving YOLO attitude. She’s finding a balance. Not very well, but, y’know.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

When she was a kid they had all kinds of stuff to play with (nothing electronic, though), but she got the most enjoyment out of a rubber ball just by throwing it around and chasing after it. She got in trouble at one point with her little sisters for breaking a lantern in the garden while roughhousing, and their grandparents were like... hey.... time to cool it. Whoops.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition for sure. The first thing Tomo looks for in other people is whether they stick up for themselves and whether they act on their beliefs. She’s pretty generous as to how far this extends, but generally you can assume she’s not about weak-willed folks. Wisdom is something she respects, but doesn’t find necessary. She won’t admit it, but she’s kind of envious (and maybe fearful) of people who are smart, especially if they’re on the clever side of things.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Would u trust this teen in any way to do anything right in a relationship. For one thing, she’s very self-interested, so it’s easy for her to not take into account her partner’s needs. She’s also very fickle, and can get distracted easily by things outside of relationships, especially since she’s not super romantically-inclined. In this universe.... well, she hasn’t had a proper relationship yet, so who’s to say what else could happen given the way she’s developing!

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Hmmm... well, I think Tomo likes to pick out others’ flaws to help inflate her ego, but she definitely also has a tiny chamber deep, deep in the pit of her where she files everything she sees in others she wishes she could be like, and locks it away for 300 years under 50 layers of malibu and taiyaki. One might not suspect it, but she’s very self-flagellating behind the control she’s trained into herself.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Her first response is to blame others if she can, but she likes to be objective when possible. If the situation is right, she’ll own up to making a mistake. This is less likely if she somehow manages to get frustrated or has to admit it to someone she seriously dislikes, though.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Guts! Balls! Chutzpah! She just likes people who are honest and upfront about what they’re doing. People who take life in simple stokes, and don’t try to get too crafty. Vanillas. People with Honor. That being says, there isn’t too much she dislikes in others outside of key negative traits, and it takes a lot make her dislike someone, as she’s very accepting of people as long as they’re doing what they want to do. That’s just Friends tho ! ;Y

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

Dependency. Well, she’s okay with follower-types as long as they follow along with the kind of things she likes (Thanks). She’s also not fond of things like people who complain about X but do nothing to make X change. Obviously she’s also not keen on otaku types. Nerds are her Bane.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

It can take some time, but again, she’s not one to find much to object to in others. As long as someone proves they’re being ‘real’ whatever that means to them, she finds that as admirable proof of Heart. Morality isn’t especially Tomo’s thing, so she can get very case-by-case, but otherwise she plays it loose. She likes to believe in unspoken understands, as amazingly faulty as that is.

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

Even if she’s close with someone, she won’t hide if she’s suspicious of them (unless that somehow goes behind gal code! yikes!). Objectivist etc etc she just plays things how they come. She won’t hold suspicion close to her heart. If it turns out to be true, then it’s usually as simple as taking a step back to square one.

26. How does your character behave around children?

Well! Tomo’s not the best with kids for sure, but she doesn’t mind them. Having 3 baby sisters separated by a decent age gap does that to a gal. Being equipped with candy usually helps. Don’t trust your kids with her, though-- if she has to entertain them, she might get them up to some serious Monkey Business. A bad influence.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

She takes it HEAD-ON. Go all out or go home. She’ll only back down from a fight if there’s a reeeeallly good reason. Simple as that. She’s very good at keeping her cool, however, despite being so trigger-happy so to speak.

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

If someone is ready to have a beatdown she’s fuckin there for it. Generally speaking, though she’s respectful of not fighting with someone if they aren’t up for it. She’ll attack people of her own volition if she wants, but doesn’t like to resort to this too much, because it lends itself to poor emotional control. She’s always up for friendly fisticuffs, however! Or rival fisticuffs. Or enemy fisticuffs. She just likes sparring with people, for whatever weird obsession she has.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

Tomo’s always wanted to be an IDOL or a PRINCESS, and uh. Well, not quite making the mark there. Then again, she’s really not sure what she wants to to with her life outside of short-term and silly goals. 

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Rotten food is a biggie. Smells really get to her, since it’s not something she’s trained to block out, and man that stuff gets a visceral reaction out of you. Non-physical objects of disgust, though? Mmm... stuff mentioned in early questions... bad attitudes (the irony), but outside of little stuff, not much???

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Challenging someone to Karuta. Haha. She also feels very comfortable at social events, especially clubs. She loves her sister’s bar (even tho ur fucking 16 kid!!!!!! have a juicy juice!!!! sit down!!).

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

Doing anything that requires tactical thinking... having to be lead by someone else... but also generally working in a team is not her favorite. Surprisingly, even though she’s super social and outgoing, she hates being in teams. School is also Yuck Brain Cooties.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Unless someone’s really managed to dig at her core insecurities, she handles it quite well. She’s all about becoming a better her, but she recognizes that she lacks talent in most walks of life, and has a hard time improving at anything even when she gives a serious effort.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

At this stage in her life I think Tomo is prone to falling back on comfortable methods. If she’s in a pretty calm scenario, especially with others she likes, she’s willing to try out different stuff, but if she’s alone or gets frustrated, she can get caught in a loop that keeps going until she breaks.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

Friendllly~~ Suuuuuper casual, my guys! She’s quick to assume people are friends with her if she finds them alright, so she warms up to them in a buddy-buddy way quickly whether they like it or not. She teases often and plays around, too!

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Ignore Ignore Ignore Block Report Mute. She avoids bad vibes at all costs first and foremost. Otherwise, she can’t help but get condescending when facing them, and tries to make a wall out of her opinions. Not today, fiend.

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

Ooof. These are kinda closely related for her? Honor takes the lead by a hair, but she’s also about being the number one, the big boss, a leader, so if that falls then she’s taken a pretty big blow to her honor. Staying true to oneself regardless of circumstances is the most important, though.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

Shuffle tf out my dude. If she can’t, or it’s a volatile threat, then Smash. And uh. Well, we know how that worked out.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

Nop... her cats might nip at her sometimes when she gets too grabby, but she doesn’t really care.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

She can get a little pushy... she doesn’t mean to come off as rude, but... let’s say she expects a lot from them? If she’s at a ramen stand and it’s taking a while to get it ready she won’t be shy about whining how hungry she is out loud. Tomo’s a little stuck in the rich kid/queenly ‘they’re a servant’ headset.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

Earn! You gotta Werq It. Now, that’s not to say she isn’t hypocritical at times and feels she deserves things despite being a lazy ol bag o bones, but...

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Oh gosh... uh... I don’t think so? She’s been very closed into her family most of her life, and otherwise very self-sufficient (or has tried to be self-sufficient). She wouldn’t look to anyone outside of her family let alone within it to be a parental figure.

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Same as the last question pretty much. Outside of any remaining ties to her family, she hates being dependent on other people or people being completely dependent on her, so she tries not to do this, or at the very least make major figures out of them in her life.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Easy if it’s friends! Easy if she’s drunk. Otherwise she’s a stubborn mule who thrives on rival-like relationships, so admitting it so easily is not on her agenda. Also, not exactly skilled at romantic affection, this tot.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Tomo is very superstitious! She jokes about it, but she’s also very genuinely worried about ghosts and spirits! She hopes she can have a peaceful afterlife, or be able to haunt someone into the ground if they do her wrong in death. While she’s usually scared of running out of time to be alive, she goes back and forth on whether she’s scared of the afterlife or feels optimistic about it. Very importantly, also, she doesn’t want to be forgotten!

[handsingsweapon]

For the headcanon prompt meme- Victor, 25 :)

only then i am human / only then i am cleanthe prompt was “religion,” see below the cut for a post precious things bonus ficlet thing.

Victor hears the jingle of keys outside the door, the turning of the lock, and looks up from the nest he’s made in the couch: ankle propped up on the arm, bag of ice melting on top of a towel on top of his foot. Even after nearly five months it still surprises him sometimes, these sounds of Yuuri, coming back into his flat like it’s also his flat (because it is, Victor realizes). Yuuri’s coming back from a run and, probably, a stop in at the corner bakery, since the morning’s practice was cut short by Victor taking a fall on a quad lutz and Yakov barking at him to go home after inspecting his weak ankle. 

What are you doing practicing that, anyway? You’re not doing quads in Moscow!They’re in St. Petersburg for just a few more weeks; Yuuri’s already started packing suitcases for summer in Hasetsu, a departure delayed by Victor’s having volunteered them both for an ice show in Moscow in the middle of May. Worlds were already nearly a month ago in Boston; Victor can’t really remember who he stood next to the last time he wasn’t on top of the podium there, but he does vividly remember leaning over for the photograph, where behind Yuuri’s back he could sweep his fingers underneath his beautiful indigo blazer and stroke the small of his back. He remembers the look Yuuri gave him, too, the paradox of warning and satisfaction, and then he remembers how beautifully Yuuri blushed when Victor leaned over in front of all those cameras to kiss his gold medal.

He’s always known how to give the people what they want.

“Bakery closed early,” Yuuri grunts, kicking his shoes off as he orbits closer. Victor shuffles a bookmark into place, drops what he was reading onto the coffee table, and shifts to make room. Victor wants Yuuri to sit right at the bend of his waist, so that he can twine around him, long and lazy, and after a brief stop in the kitchen, that’s exactly what Yuuri does. “Something going on?”

Victor has to think about it for longer than he really should, considering his upbringing, trekking with Evgeniya, Mariya, and Sergei to church and then, eventually, just his grandmother. “Oh,” he murmurs. “It’s holy week. They’re probably getting ready for Easter.” Victor thinks the last time he really participated in the lead-up to the holiday may have been that last year he spent living with his Grandmother before moving in with Yakov and Lilia. Even then he didn’t take it particularly seriously: he remembers inviting Ivan to come with them largely for the thrill of playing footsie during the homily. He also remembers that babushka smacked him soundly on the leg with a bible for his scandalous behavior. And he’s pretty sure whatever solemn promises he’d made to her at the time about honoring the season of Lent almost certainly went broken: there had been too many things to chase back then, and if Victor had anything in common with the severe, sad icons of the church, he didn’t want to dwell on it. 

“Victor?” Yuuri asks, threading fingers through his hair, startling him from a reverie he hadn’t meant to fall into. It’s heaven. 

“Mm?”

“I asked if we’re supposed to do anything. Or if you want to … do you celebrate?”

“Not since I was little,” Victor responds with a shrug, and he twists further, tugs on Yuuri’s t-shirt. Yuuri won’t want to be pawed at while he’s still sweaty and flushed, but Victor can’t entirely help it. Yuuri is a real thing, present for him to touch, and Victor has other ideas for communion. “Going to go shower?” He asks, not at all innocently. If this is sin, better to rule in hell.

But Victor doesn’t think it is.

Katsudon thinks you’re avoiding Easter because you don’t want to make it weird for him, Yurio texts him later. Then he also texts: don’t you two have a fucking therapist? Tell Vasily he owes me money. Just pay me whatever you pay Vasily. 

I haven’t gone to Holy Saturday in years …? Victor writes back. The dots that indicate Yurio’s texting linger there for a long time while the teenager edits and edits again.

Sure, whatever, Mr. Agape.

“I got eggs at the store,” Yuuri mumbles, a day later, after he’s come back from one of his appointments with Vasily. He goes once a week now; they’re working on his anxiety. Victor goes once a month, begrudgingly at first because he’s been fine for a year. You’re always fine until you aren’t. And then you’re really far from fine. Vasily talks to him more seriously now about mania, has him identifying his warning signs. Vasily would think it’s a warning sign that Victor doesn’t want to step inside of a church. He’s not due to talk to Vasily again until after the holidays. Yuuri’s still talking. “… You’re supposed to paint them, right?”

Maybe because he’s just spent a morning in the dance studio with Yuri Plisetsky narrowly avoiding a shouting match over this exact topic, Victor finally hears this for what it is: Katsuki Yuuri, still trying to learn more about him, piecing together what it means to be Russian, what it was like to grow up in St. Petersburg. “Yeah,” Victor says, and realizes with some surprise that he’s more enthused about the prospect than he thought he would be. It’s good luck, traditionally, the eggs. He realizes he wants to see what Yuuri will make of them: a lifetime of writing in Japanese has made Yuuri’s handwriting neat and elegant in comparison to Victor’s blocky, cyrillic scrawl. Yuuri got them good luck engagement rings once. Victor doesn’t understand why he wants Yuuri Katsuki’s good luck easter egg suddenly, out of nowhere, he just knows he does. “I don’t think I have paintbrushes,” he realizes, belatedly, and his tone makes clear that this is a disappointment and not an excuse.

“I thought you might not,” Yuuri admits. “So I got the ones they had at the store.”

At the end of the day they have a carton of eggs of all colors. Victor’s have a distinctly Russian aesthetic, traditional, nostalgic. One of them he’s attempted to make into a matryoshka doll. Yuuri’s are softer, more delicate. Victor’s favorite is the one that looks like early spring, a very pale blue, dotted with black tree limbs and pink cherry blossoms.

Just take him once, Yuri texts before he leaves for Moscow. His Grandfather’s going to be busy making Kulich and Paskha for days. Plisetsky even texts him the recipe. Victor doesn’t save it, but he doesn’t delete it either. He’ll see how long and boring we make fucking everything and then he’ll never want to go again.

“It’s a really long service,” he warns Yuuri later. “It takes all night.”

“I don’t mind.”

This is how he finds himself in total darkness just before midnight at Vladimirskaya, the cathedral of his childhood. Yuuri’s helping Evgeniya get around. The two of them can hardly converse with each other, but she’s too busy being delighted that he exists to care, this boy who proposed to her Vitya and who evidently wants to spend a lifetime with him. Yuuri plays the part of the gentleman tremendously well; Victor suspects he’s secretly chuffed by his newly cemented status as her favorite. Victor stands next to him, quietly translating events as they transpire, waiting for the Holy Doors to be thrown open and for a priest to emerge with the light from the unsleeping flame. 

Victor fixes his eyes on the stoic face of an painting he can barely see in the dark, a saint whose name he no longer remembers. They always look so serious, these ancient faces, and their eyes are big and dark. Victor realizes suddenly that when he was younger he honestly believed they had the power to look right through him, this boy who wasn’t pious at all, sitting in a church; that they knew him for what he was. Fraud. 

He takes Yuuri’s hand and links their fingers together, kisses the ring. The smell of incense wafts their way as the bells begin to chime at midnight, and slowly candle after candle gets lit. Victor watches the way the reflection of Yuuri’s own candle dances in his eyes, studies the soft, flickering interplay of glow and shadow on his skin. They proceed around the church, and though Victor doesn’t sing the hymn he awkwardly translates it for Yuuri’s benefit. … The angels sing the resurrection of Christ, and on earth we … He’s out of practice, but it’s a long walk, and Yuuri’s patient. We on earth worship you with pure hearts. Yuuri’s hand stays in his through all of the rest of it: the incense, the singing, the breaking of the Lenten fast, the blessing of the baskets, even though he struggles not to yawn, over conscious of retaining Evgeniya’s approval. It’s nearly four AM by the time they leave, dropping Victor’s grandmother off at the home she’s lived in for decades and bypassing the idea of breakfast. 

The sky lightens for dawn, which they do watch, coming up over the river. “That’s Russian Easter,” Victor says, and he looks over at Yuuri, genuinely curious. “What’d you think?”

“I thought it was beautiful,” Yuuri hums, and he leans up on his toes to press the softest kiss to the corner of Victor’s mouth. Pious rituals be damned; Victor chases his lips. The real religious experience happens back at home in their flat, sunlight streaming in from the curtains; kissing the plane of Yuuri’s stomach is the best and most sincere worship Victor has ever offered anything, and paradise is an actual place that exists wrapped up in his arms.

In another week it’ll be something he talks about with Vasily. I think I thought you couldn’t be unhappy in church, Victor will say, that if God really loved us it wouldn’t be possible to be sad. Between them will be another unspoken confession: avoiding the place where quiet and ritual forced Victor to contemplate his unhappiness the most was a survival mechanism that kept up Victor’s illusions about himself for a decade. 

Vasily, who always has another question at the ready, will ask: what do you think now?

Victor equivocates. He knows that when he says the words воистину воскресе that he doesn’t whole-heartedly mean them, at least not in the literal fashion that his Grandmother does, certain of Christ’s miraculous birth and his death. Victor appreciates the fairytale quality of the story, likes that it has something to say about the human condition.  

He thinks that the universe must be a good place, a kind place. And he must have thought that long before he ever knew Yuuri loved him in return, because he wrote the Agape program once, which is the point Yura’s been making, albeit inept and angry, in these past few days of squabbles. “I’d like to think there’s something out there that feels delight when we feel delight,” he decides, finally; Vasily nods and they spend the rest of the time engaging in what just feels like small-talk.He changes his program for the Moscow show. It all but writes itself.I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well. Amen, amen, amen.