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trade-baby-blues · 7 years

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For Now, Forever, For Always

Pairing: Jim x Reader

Word Count: 1646

Warnings: A little angst. Mostly fun banter and fluff

A/N: To the anon who requested the Bones angst and the anon that requested a sequel to Seeing Double, I promise I’m working on both of those!!! I haven’t forgotten about you guys and they’ll both be coming up soon. Also look who made a fancy header image for this fic instead of doing homework B)

If there was one thing you prided yourself on, it was your ability to give the perfect gift, moving people to tears with your thoughtfulness on more than one occasion. Even Spock got misty-eyed when you gave him a handmade terrarium replica of Old Vulcan with his mother's initials engraved on the bottom. The one person you could never figure out, though, was James Tiberius Kirk.

You thought he’d be the easiest, settling for an antique remote-controlled motorcycle he could drive around the bridge. You were almost shaking with excitement when you gave it to him for Christmas but two years had passed and it had yet to leave the shelf in his quarters. You switched up your game for his birthday, opting for a classier holoframe that displayed pictures you’d collected over your time on the Enterprise. His eyes lit up when you gave it to him, but three months later when he finally invited you to his quarters for dinner for the first time, you noticed the batteries had died and he hadn't replaced them.

“I just don't get him, Bones,” you said, letting your hands drop on top of your stomach. You stared furiously at the ceiling from Bones’ couch. “No matter what I get, he just doesn't seem to like it.”

Bones didn’t even look up from his paperwork.“You know he doesn't like to celebrate birthdays on account of his old man biting the dust the same day.”

“God, tell me you don't say that to him.” You sighed again, swinging your legs over the edge of the couch. “His birthday’s in two months and I still don't have anything for him. What if it's not the gifts? What if he just isn't into me?”

Bones leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, grumbling under his breath. “I've never seen anyone as in love as Jim is with you, and I was married once. Buy a nice lingerie set and give him the best damn sex of his life or something. Now, would you please get out of my office so I can finish this damn paperwork before we go on leave?”

The next few days passed in the blink of an eye, and soon you were touching down in Risa for a week long shore leave while the Enterprise was restocked and repaired. You hit the shopping center with Uhura the first day, still set on finding the perfect gift for Jim. When nothing caught your eye, you took Bones’ advice and settled for some lingerie.

Jim was already asleep by the time you got back, and you couldn’t help but smile at his gentle snores. He worked so damn hard on the ship all the time - not a single casualty in years. What other captain in the fleet could say that? He was so dedicated to his crew and his ship, and all you wanted to do was remind him that everyone on the crew felt the same but you couldn't figure out how.

You put your shopping bags down as quietly as you could, slipping your shoes off and sliding into bed next to Jim. You pressed a kiss to his cheek, and Jim rolled towards you in his sleep, throwing an arm around your hips and pulling you against him. You smiled softly as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, letting sleep take you.

Jim woke up with a smile on his face for the first time in far too long. “Morning, beautiful,” he said, tilting his head up to kiss you but tasting only the cotton sheets. He cracked his eyes open, a wave of panic shooting through him. He practically shot up in the bed, searching the room frantically. The movement caught your eye, and you noted the panic on Jim’s face before he caught sight of you. He smiled but his shoulders didn't unwind, and something finally clicked into place for you. “Morning, gorgeous,” you called. You hopped up onto the counter, giving Jim a full view of you in his dress shirt and the lingerie you bought yesterday.

Jim laid still on the bed, drinking you in. Slowly, he made his way over to you, running one hand through your hair and putting the other on your waist. His kiss was feather-light.

That's one thing that surprised you about Jim. You knew his reputation in the academy. A different girl every night, always hot and heavy. You expected him to be the same now, but every touch was fleeting, as if you were made of glass. You didn't mind, really, but sometimes you wished he’d let his walls down around you and let instinct take over.

“You're so beautiful,” he mumbled against your collarbone, nipping your skin and hugging you tightly to him. You could feel Jim’s chest rise and fall with yours, sunlight bathing both of you and making his hair look like spun gold. You ran your fingers through it softly. You could've died right then and there and been happy.

Shore leave passed in a blink and the next two months seemed to go even faster until the day before Jim’s birthday finally rolled around and you were practically bursting at the seams. You’d arranged with Spock to clear Jim’s schedule for the day, so you sat waiting, legs crossed, on top of the bed.

“You waiting for something, doll,” Jim asked, catching sight of you as the door slid open. You patted the bed beside you, motioning for him to come sit. Jim rolled his eyes but walked towards the bed, leaning down to kiss you.

“Not yet,” you said, pushing Jim down roughly. He only laughed and pulled you down with him. You would've fought harder if his lips weren't so damn soft. “Jimmy,” you whined, “I gotta give you your present.” You reached over Jim to pull open the bedside drawer, revealing a small box.

“You know I don’t need presents on my birthday. Dinner with you is more than enough.”

“That’ll come later, don’t worry. For now, shut up and open the box.”

“You can’t tell me to shut up on my birthday.” Still, he sat up, crossing his legs and leaning over the box.

“Good thing it’s not technically your birthday yet, then, Jimmy.”

He watched you carefully, smile still tugging up his cheeks. He pulled the ribbon off extra slow to tease you and you groaned loudly. You pressed the back of your hand to your forehead. “James...Jim...I think….I think I see the light. I think this is the end of the road for me. I’m not long for this world…..Goodbye…..Jimbles…..” You flopped dramatically onto your back, struggling not to smile at the howl of Jim’s laughter. You cracked an eye open and saw him clutching his ribs. You snapped your eyes shut again, playing dead, when Jim looked at you again.

“All right already I get it. I’m opening it. Now, get up here.” Satisfied, you crawled up to the headboard to cuddle up next to Jim. Finally, he pried the lid of the box and took out the book inside.

It was a simple leather-bound journal that you’d etched Jim’s initials into. Jim turned the book over in his hands, admiring it as he always did with old books. He opened the cover, expecting blank pages but glued inside was a picture of you kissing him on the cheek captioned, “For J. Know that you’re always loved.”

Jim sucked in a breath beside you, and your eyes darted up to his face. His eyes were glassy, but the ghost of a smile was still pulling at the corners of his mouth as he flipped through the book. Every page belonged to a different crew member, each recounting their favorite adventure or memory with the captain. Behind the yearbook-style signoffs was a collection of pictures of Jim’s father that you got from his mother, along with a letter she wrote for Jim about how proud she was to call him her son, how proud his father would have been.

Jim took in a shaky breath as he finished the letter, and you dropped your lips to his shoulder, kissing him through his shirt. He kept turned the next page, and you watched him thumb through your section of the book. It was filled with doodles, song lyrics, and pictures of the two of you on shore leave. Finally, he got to a page that was blank except for three words: I’m yours, always. Jim traced the words with his finger before following the arrow you drew to the next page, two words: Be mine? You buried your head in Jim’s neck, heart racing, not wanting to see his reaction when he turned the next page. His shoulders rose as he sucked in a sharp breath.

A ring sat taped to the top of the page with a checklist underneath: For Now, Forever, For Always. Jim didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and you lifted your head to look at him. He stared at the ring like it would jump off the page at him, but he didn’t speak.

You started to get worried, pulling away from him. “You don’t have to say yes right now,” you started, barely above a whisper. “I’m in this for the long-haul. I’ll stick around as long as you’ll have me. I swear I would never leave you.”

Jim let the book fall closed in his lap as he turned to face you, slamming his lips down against yours. You hooked your arm tighter around his neck, tugging gently on his hair. He broke the kiss as a sob hit him hard, and you pulled him closer to you, tears threatening to spill from your eyes too. “Thank you,” Jim whispered into your shoulder. “Thank you.”

Tags: @outside-the-government @martinawalker @thevalesofanduin @goingknowherewastaken @yourtropegirl @trekken81 @feelmyroarrrr @yukki-art @atari-writes @the-witching-hours12-3

#star trek imagine #jim kirk imagine #jim kirk x reader #captain kirk imagine #captain kirk x reader #james t kirk imagine #there are too many tags for jim tbh and I'm too lazy for this #also i mostly wrote this fic because I strive to be the Leslie Knope of gift giving in my own life

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neverending2012 · 8 years

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My Journey to You Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

SUMMARY: Cooper and Latonya celebrate her birthday. Mercedes, Sam, Finn and Rachel go on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with their kids.

RATING: Mature

WARNING: Sex scenes, language

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

One year after Cooper and LaTonya get engaged

LaTonya snuggled up to Cooper as they lay together under the covers. The orange pink light of the sunrise shined through the partially closed blinds. She kissed the old gunshot wounds on his chest: several, round indentations with puffy scar tissue, and one long scar that ran down the middle of his torso. She never asked him what happened. She only thanked God that he was alive despite everything he had been through. Cooper opened his eyes and smiled down at her, lifting her chin.

"Happy Birthday," he said, kissing her lips.

"Thank you," she said, sitting up, grabbing the sheet to cover her bare breasts. Cooper stilled her hands and pulled the sheet down, revealing her breasts again.

"I love looking at you," he said as he sat up, while stroking her breasts, "You're beautiful."

LaTonya kissed and hugged him, resting her head on his broad shoulder. He held her and they sat in silence, their arms wrapped around each other, enjoying the tranquility. She would never grow tired of his admiration; he constantly touched and praised her body. Cooper's words and touches put something indescribable in her heart, elevating her higher, and whenever she looked in the mirror; her reflection sparkled and she felt joyful.

"I love you," she said.

Cooper kissed her and soon she was on her back, spread open for him, and he filled her, gently caressing her legs, as he slid inside her. It wasn't long before they came together, shaking and moaning, and afterwards, he shifted to the side and hugged her close to his chest, stroking her hair.

"I want to give you your present."

"I thought you just did," LaTonya said.

"That was only one of them."

"What are the others?"

"Wait and see," he said getting out of bed, and not bothering to put on his robe, LaTonya admired his nude muscular physique as he walked out of the room. About five minutes later, he came back with a rectangular box wrapped in shiny white paper that was painted with movie poster of Goldfinger, but she immediately noticed something different. Instead of Sean Connery and Honor Blackman superimposed on top of a gold painted hand, it was LaTonya and Cooper. LaTonya wore a long beige trench coat just like the main character. Her hair was a beautiful, fluffy Afro and Cooper stood behind her in a black suit, with his arms wrapped around her waist.

"I can't believe it," she said, gazing at the picture, "It's you and me. I can't..."

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. How did you - "

"An artist in London made it for me. "

LaTonya kissed him.

"I can't believe you did all of that to wrap my gift."

"It's fine if you tear the paper. I also have the original painting too. Shipping was delayed."

"I can't wait to see it."

"You always said you wanted to be a Bond girl."

LaTonya carefully unwrapped the gift and despite what Cooper said about tearing the paper; she didn't rip it. It was simply too beautiful to destroy. She took off the lid of the glossy white box and underneath the layers of white tissue paper was a Barbie doll that looked just like LaTonya. She was curvaceous with raven black skin and kinky hair that was styled in an Afro. Diamond stud earrings sparkled in her ears and a gold bracelet was on her wrist. Her lips were cherry red and a diamond-studded purse was slung over her shoulder. She wore a form fitting red silk evening gown with a halter top and long skirt with a slit up the right side exposing the most wonderful detail of all: the doll had a prosthetic limb just like LaTonya and the detail was intricate, replicating the exact design of her leg. LaTonya began to cry.

"She looks like me!"

Never in her life had she ever had a doll that looked like her. And the prosthetic leg was what did her in. When she was a little girl, she was tempted to cut off the bottom portion of her doll's leg, so that it looked like her. But knew that her father paid good money for the doll and that would anger him. Cooper hugged her.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Like it? My God Cooper, how did you... I love it."

She cried as he held her and then she pulled away and picked up the doll.

"This is gorgeous."

"Look inside the purse."

She did as he asked and found a tiny black handgun and an alias card. She laughed and kissed him.

"Are you going to give me my first undercover assignment 007?"

"Perhaps," he said, kissing her, "You forgot a few things."

"Did I?"

He pushed aside another layer of tissue paper revealing a stack of outfits sealed in plastic. The first one was a white cream bikini with gold belt buckle in the center of the bikini bottoms and a silver knife hung from a holster on the right side; it was a replica of the bikini that Ursula Andress wore in Dr. No. The next outfit was a long-sleeved, burnt orange and gold maxi dress, with an abstract floral print design complete with a gold choker. Jane Seymour wore that dress in Live and Let Die. Underneath this, was a copy of the turquoise chiffon gown that she wore to Sam and Mercedes' wedding; she picked it up and looked at him.

"Why did you - "

He held her hand.

"You wore that the first time we danced together."

LaTonya was speechless. She leaned over and kissed him. The last outfit was her running gear. Purple compression tights, hoodie and even her Flex blade prosthetic were a part of the ensemble.

"We watched the sunrise," he said, "Remember?"

She placed the outfits back in the box and hugged Cooper tight. There was nothing to say. Who else would remember such a tiny detail as that morning she challenged him to open up as the sun rose in the horizon?

They began kissing again and soon they were making love once more.

PRINCESS

"Thank you for doing this," LaTonya said as Cooper changed lanes to take the next exit off the free way. It was early afternoon and they were driving to see her father.

Cooper said nothing. He reached over and squeezed her hand. LaTonya closed her eyes. That morning the nurse said he was in good spirits. She hoped his mood stayed that way.

When they arrived at the Glenview Retirement Home, Cooper parked the car; LaTonya sat in her seat, not moving until he nudged her.

"LaTonya?"

"Can we stay here for a bit?"

"We said we would be here by 1:00. It's 12:55."

She smiled at Cooper's rigid punctuality.

"I need a minute, ok?"

He stared at her.

"Ok."

She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to face him. He opened his arms and she snuggled into the embrace.

"I don't know what it's going to be like in there."

"He'll be happy to see you."

"I hope so."

Cooper doesn't answer her and LaTonya knew he was struggling with what to say. They sat in the car a while longer until LaTonya felt ready to go inside. She took her compact out of her purse and touched up her lipstick. They exited the car and held hands as they walked into the retirement home. Cooper squeezed her hand, giving silent support for what was to come. Her rainbow fluorite crystal engagement ring, shined in the sunlight and she smiled, thinking about the upcoming wedding. Upon opening the heavy glass doors, LaTonya smelled the familiar scent of disinfectant. Her stomach turned. She wished this place was less clinical and more "homey" but after looking through countless facilities, she felt that her father would receive the best care in this one. They went to the receptionist's desk near the entrance.

"We're here to see Edward Randall."

The receptionist, a friendly, freckled faced woman, smiled and checked the appointment in the database.

"Ah, yes, LaTonya, his daughter," she said staring at the computer monitor, she glanced at Cooper, "And you are?"

"He's my fiancé, Cooper Anderson," LaTonya said.

Cooper only nodded and stared at the woman, not returning her smile, she blushed and said:

"If you'll both show me your IDs."

After their IDs were verified, the receptionist gave them each a visitor badge and they were permitted to go up to the fifth floor to her father's apartment.

When they got to her father's apartment and rang the bell, a short man with a mustache dressed in nurse's scrubs opened the door.

"LaTonya, I'm so glad you're here," he said, his dark eyes staring at her.

"What's wrong?"

"He won't eat. Maybe you can encourage him."

LaTonya glanced up at Cooper and he squeezed her hand again.

"Hi, I'm Billy, Edward's nurse," he said extending his hand to Cooper.

The two men shook hands and Billy led them inside.

"He's been up since 5:00 this morning. He had his bath and watched TV but he refuses to eat anything. He says he's on a diet. Come on, he's reading in the den."

They followed Billy to the den where Edward was curled up on the brown leather couch wrapped in the bright red knitted afghan that LaTonya made for him, he was reading the Chester Himes' novel, If He Hollers Let Him Go. He looked up from his book and smiled at them, his smooth brown face was wrinkle-free except for a few crow's feet around his hazel eyes; his white hair was cut close.

"Hi Princess!"

"Hi Daddy," she said.

"Is that your new math teacher?" Edward said, pointing at Cooper, "You said you were getting a new teacher. Did he walk you home?"

LaTonya swallowed and looked at Cooper, who said:

"How are you feeling Mr. Randall?"

"I don't know," Edward said, "I got to lose weight. Training is coming up," he held his arms open, "Princess give me a hug. Those bullies bothering you again? Is that why he walked you home?"

LaTonya hugged her father. Every time they came to visit, Cooper was someone different; she stopped correcting him a long time ago.

"Daddy, you have to eat."

"I'm going running tonight in the park."

"It's a shame to let the soup go to waste, Mr. Randall," Billy said, lingering in the doorway, "It's your favorite, chicken noodle."

"My favorite is tomato."

"Very well. I'll make tomato," he said and left the room.

After he left, Edward said: "Don't let them say stuff about your leg, you hear me?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Now, how was school?"

"You should be proud of her," Cooper said sitting down on the love seat, "You have a wonderful, intelligent daughter, I'm honored to know her."

"She got that from her Mama," Edward said, "She loved you so much. And you loved her, remember how you tried to dig her out of the ground?"

"Daddy, you have to eat."

"You said she can't breathe, and you started digging in the mud, it was raining that day, you had on your little red dress, what happened to that dress?"

LaTonya tried not to cry.

"It doesn't fit any more."

But Edward wasn't listening.

"Rained so hard that day. You got your dress dirty. I loved your Mama… why are you wearing that ring?"

"It's a gift."

"We can see stones like that at the museum. Why don't we go?"

"You're a good father. Mr. Randall. LaTonya can hold her own in the world, she's very loving and kind. Bullies don't bother her any more and she's an excellent runner," Cooper said.

Edward stared at him and smiled.

"Thank you so much. It's not easy with just the two of us but I love her with all my heart. Princess, come closer and let me see that ring."

LaTonya got up from the couch, immediately missing the warmth of Cooper's hand, and she knelt in front of her father, who took her hand, holding it tight, he gazed at the ring.

"Beautiful ring. So many colors. It suits you Princess. I'm proud of you. Those doctors cut you so many times; even a grown man like me doesn't know how you endured that pain, but I was crying right along with you and I still am. You're special, baby girl. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy," she said, clinging to him, tears falling from her eyes.

Edward looked over at Cooper.

"You watch after her. It gets dangerous walking home from school."

"I'll always protect her. You have my word."

"You're a good man."

LaTonya pulled away from her father and gazed at Cooper, who also had tears in his eyes.

"Yes, he's a very good man."

"I'm glad he's walking you home. I can't do it any more. My foot hurts sometimes."

"It's ok."

Billy came into the den carrying a tray with a bowl of soup, a small green salad, and a glass of ginger ale.

"Say, that looks good!" Edward said, staring at the meal.

"Are you going to eat?" LaTonya asked.

"Yes, I'm starving. What took so long for lunch?"

LaTonya kissed her father's cheek and watched him eat his lunch until he was done. Afterwards, Billy gave him his afternoon pill. Soon he was asleep and she and Cooper left.

As they walked out of the building into the bright sunshine, LaTonya paused on the sidewalk, clutching Cooper's hand; he hugged her close and they stood there a long time, simply holding each other, until all of her tears were shed.

HAPPY TRAILS

"Come on, guys, we're almost there," Mercedes called over her shoulder as they walked along the Deep Creek Trail to get to Toms Branch Falls. They were hiking in the Smoky Mountains National Park in North Carolina. The weather was warm, but not too hot, and with the cool mountain breeze, and shade from the yellow birch and sugar maple trees; their green leaves rustling in the wind; it was a perfect day for hiking. Mercedes carried Rosy in a bright red canvas baby carrier strapped to her belly. The toddler's kinky, curly blonde hair was pulled into a single Afro puff positioned in the center of her head; every time she smiled, Mercedes was reminded of Sam's wide mouth, and Rosy also had his sparkling emerald eyes. She pointed and laughed at the yellow-billed cuckoo that flew overhead.

"Yes, that bird is flying high," Mercedes said and Rosy nodded, her Afro puff bobbing with each movement of her head.

Sam came addling up beside her, he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. Jake was strapped to his chest in a purple carrier, his coal black straight hair was mussed. He smiled when he saw his mother and Rosy.

"He wanted to look at a moth."

"Where's everyone else?"

"They're not too far behind. Abby and Lucy were taking pictures of some flowers. Matt is trying to get Finn and Rachel to stop arguing."

"They're at it again?"

"Yeah."

Mercedes sighed.

"We should probably wait for them to catch up."

They stood and waited and a few minutes later, Lucy, Abby and Matt, came walking up to them with Finn and Rachel trailing not too far behind. Rachel was throwing up her hands and Finn was shaking his head.

"They won't stop fighting," Matt said looking exasperated, "Can't you and Uncle Sam do something?"

Mercedes kissed the top of Matt's head. He was going through his "I hate the barber" phase as Rachel put it and his brown hair hung to his shoulders. He looked like the son of hippies in his tie dye t-shirt and cargo shorts.

"We'll try sweetie."

"I hear the water," Abby said, "We're close."

Lucy showed Mercedes and Sam the pictures that she and Abby took with her phone.

"We should send these to that nature site," she said.

They agreed with her and as they scanned through the pictures, Finn and Rachel finally caught up to them.

"Sorry," Finn said, "We had to stop for a moment."

Rachel opened her tote bag and took out a bottle of Advil and Gatorade. She shook out four pills into her hand and swallowed them, then took a long drink of Gatorade before returning everything to her bag. She looked pallid and a light sheen of perspiration was on her forehead and cheeks.

"Would you like to sit down for a while?" Mercedes asked.

"No, I'm fine."

They continued walking and when they arrived to Toms Branch Falls, everyone was amazed at the magnificent view. The waterfall cascaded over slabs of dark brown vertical rock formations, resembling a stairway, descending in a steady gush of white water and ending it's path in a collection of foam in the creek below. They stood near the green moss covered trees near the creek banks and took pictures. Due to safety precautions, nobody ventured into the water, but the children, Sam and Finn all threw rocks into the creek, listening to the pleasant plunk they made when landing in the water. Thankfully, Rosy and Jake were content to stay strapped in for now. After a while, everyone was hungry so they wandered away from the creek and found a few empty benches where they unpacked their lunches and ate under the trees that loomed above them, their long branches reaching for the blue sky above.

Rachel and Finn only spoke to each other if necessary. Matt, Lucy, and Abby sat together on a bench next to Sam and Mercedes and chatted together as they ate. The forest smelled like freshly toiled soil, earthy and rich, there was no silence, only soft sounds that you had to pay attention to, otherwise you would miss them. The firm pecks of a woodpecker assaulting the bark of a tree, the crunch of the woodchips and stones underneath your feet as you walked along the trail; the running water of the creek, gliding over rocks. Mercedes loved it all, and she was especially thankful to be sharing this with her family. Sam gazed at her and they shared a long kiss; she inhaled his familiar scent of medicated lotion and Ivory soap, felt the plumpness of his strawberry Chapstick coated lips, tasting their sweetness. No matter where they were or whom they were with, Sam could make her feel like she was a teenage girl all over again, that flutter in her stomach would never go away. After they finished their sandwiches and water, it was time to head back to the car. Rosy and Jake fell asleep. Finn and Rachel kept their distance from each other, and opted to focus on the kids instead. Even with their discontent, it was a wonderful day.

SMOKY MOUNTAIN SUNRISE

Mercedes and Sam sat on the deck of their rented cabin and watched the sun rise over the Smoky Mountains. Sam held Rosy and Mercedes held Jake. The twins woke up hungry and fussy and after they were fed, they now they lay content in their parents' arms. Jake tried to take Mercedes' coffee cup from her, but she gently scolded him.

"No, Jake, this is hot."

"Hot," Jake said gazing up at her.

"Yes, hot."

Jake whined until Sam said:

"Look at the sky."

Jake stared at the golden sunrise filling the coral sky with yellow light and shining on the mountain peaks engulfed in a blue hazy mist. Rosy laughed clapping her chubby hands while Jake remained solemn, his mouth forming an O. A soft summer breeze blew over them, the fresh mountain air smelled sweet and pure. Mercedes looked at Sam who was kissing the top of Rosy's head and smiled at him; he glanced at her, and then leaned over and gave her a kiss on her full lips and she tasted the vanilla creamer he put in his coffee. He caressed her cheek and kissed her once more before pulling away because Rosy was tugging on his T-shirt, pointing to the sky.

"Isn't that pretty?" Sam whispered and Rosy clapped her hands again.

Jake snuggled up to Mercedes and she hugged him close; he loved to cuddle; he watched the sunrise with the much awe, resting his head against Mercedes heart; the thumping of her heartbeat soothed him. She ran her fingers through his silky hair and kissed the crown of his head.

After she and Sam finished their coffee, the twins wanted to get down from their parents' laps and walk around, so Sam and Mercedes took them for a walk on a short nature trail that led to a pond. They held onto to their parents' hands as they toddled along the trail, stopping every so often to pick up an object of interest like a shiny pebble or a wildflower. When they got to the pond, they held tight to each child's hand because they were eager to run off. The water sparkled under the early morning sunshine; and a few red and green falcons flew overhead. Sam and the twins threw pebbles into the water while Mercedes took pictures with her digital camera.

Sam sang silly songs, amusing both Rosy and Jake, who laughed at the odd inflections of his voice when he pretended to be a pig. Mercedes captured their laughter, smiles, and hugs; Sam never looked more beautiful to her; nothing but love shined around him and their children; she blinked back tears and continued taking pictures until they grew tired and walked back to the cabin.

Rachel greeted them as they entered the cabin; she sat on the couch with a mug of tea; her eyes were red rimmed as if she had been crying. Her skin was pale, and there were dark purplish circles beneath her eyes.

"You're up early," she said to them, a faint smile on her lips.

Mercedes nodded and walked over to her; sitting beside her she put her arm around Rachel and gave her a side hug.

"You feeling ok?"

"Of course."

Rosy and Jake went to Rachel and dropped a few pebbles on her lap, pointing to them, and smiling.

"See," Jake said.

Rachel patted their heads and set her tea on the end table.

"Those are nice pebbles."

"Everyone else still asleep?" Sam asked.

"Yes," Rachel said as the twins lifted their arms for her to pick them up and she obliged, giving them each a kiss on the cheek and setting them on the couch beside her, but they wanted to rest on her lap and they climbed onto her, hugging her and smiling. Mercedes shook her head.

"You two are spoiled rotten. Let Aunt Rachel have some peace."

"I don't mind," Rachel said.

Mercedes didn't press the matter, instead she said, "When the kids and Finn wake up, we should all go out to breakfast."

"Could we just eat here instead? Eating out can be… expensive," Rachel said.

Mercedes and Sam glanced at each other.

"Sure," Sam said.

Rachel sighed in relief.

"Thanks. Did you have a nice walk?

"It's beautiful outside," Mercedes said.

"I imagine it is. Thank you again for inviting us."

"You don't have to keep thanking us. I wish the others could've come too," Sam said.

"Maybe next year," Mercedes said.

Everyone fell silent after that. Rachel began playing with the twins, marveling at the pebbles they brought her. Mercedes went to the kitchen for a glass of water and Sam followed her. Once they were alone, he put his arms around her and kissed her, holding her tight. Mercedes could hardly breathe because his kisses overwhelmed her, his hand crept up her shirt, rubbing her stretch-marked belly that reminded Mercedes of a deflated balloon because of the sags and wrinkles; but Sam loved that part of her even more since she gave birth to "their miracles" as he liked to call the twins; he massaged her stomach, patting and squeezing it as they kissed; then his hands roamed upward toward her breasts and he tweaked her nipples through the cotton sports bra she wore. Mercedes was aroused. She kissed him back with the same passion he showed her and pulled away, taking him by the hand and leading him upstairs to their bedroom.

Once they were inside their room, Sam locked the door and the two made love; slowly and sweetly with Mercedes beneath Sam, her thick legs encircling his waist, their eyes never left each other. Neither spoke because all they needed was the touch of the other. Strokes and caresses. Deep kisses that lasted so long that they became lost in them. Sam buried himself inside her and she welcomed him, moaning at the wonderful feeling at being joined with this man who was her heart, life, and joy. Afterwards, they held each other, the warm sunshine on their bodies. Sam kissed her heart.

"Mine," he said.

Mercedes sat up and he did the same. They faced each other, their skin glistening with perspiration, Mercedes skin was a dark dusky brown that was even darker due to hours spent in the summer sunshine; Sam loved her skin, especially when she tanned; his skin now had a golden hue, but he felt it lacked the richness of the woman's skin who sat before him, gazing at him with all the love she carried in her heart; the ceiling fan whirred overhead, blowing air on them, cooling their skin. They held hands, staring into each other's eyes, their breathing patterns synched together, their chests rising and falling at the same moment; like one heart beating. Sam's brilliant green eyes held all his secrets and he kept nothing from her; she saw his strength and love for her and the twins; they were in his eyes too; he leaned forward and they pressed their foreheads together, feeling the great love between them.

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

At around noon, the kitchen was filled with chaos. Sam and Finn cooked brunch and the children helped by cracking eggs, stirring pancake batter and getting the ingredients as instructed by their fathers. Lucy towered over Matt who looked like a dwarf compared to his twin sister. They were now twelve years old and growing up too fast in Sam's opinion, he recalled how Finn cried to him on the phone when they were born, and now they were turning into adolescents. Abby was ten and Sam was as devoted to her as ever, she was taller and less "little girlish" and growing more beautiful everyday; she and Lucy were closer than ever, whispering and giggling together, sharing secrets not meant for grown ups.

Abby always wore the emerald locket he gave her on the day he married Mercedes, regardless of what she was wearing, overalls or a dress, that locket hung from her slender neck representing their bond as father and daughter; and Sam couldn't have been prouder. Matt was the odd man out, since his other cousins couldn't come on the trip, he was stuck with his girl cousins since Jake was too young to be that entertaining to him. Sam noticed him sighing as he opened up the packages of bacon on the table.

"Hey Matt, how about you, me and your Dad, go fishing at the pond later on? Just the three of us?"

"How come we can't go?" Lucy asked as she handed Abby another egg for the pancake batter, "I'm good at fishing."

"Because sometimes guys need to be with guys," Matt said, "Besides you and Mom are going to the spa with Aunt Mercedes and Abby remember?"

"Oh, that's right," Lucy said, and added, "But guys being with guys, isn't that sexist?"

"No sex talk," Finn said from the stove where he was frying sausage.

"Dad, I meant – "

Sam held up his hand.

"We'll talk later. Anyway, Matt wasn't invited to the spa."

"I don't want to go to some weird spa and put mud on my face," Matt said.

"It's a special mud," Lucy said, rolling her eyes, "And that' why we didn't ask you."

"It's still mud."

Abby put her arm around Matt.

"I hope you have a good time fishing, and when we get back, we can all go swimming."

Matt smiled.

"Thanks, Abby."

Abby reminded Sam of Mercedes in those moments when she made people feel better; she truly wanted everyone to be happy just like her mother.

After the food was finished, Mercedes and Rachel set the table in the dining room, and everyone gathered there to eat. The ceramic dishes were white with a picture of the Smokey Mountains painted in the center of each plate and the glasses had Mingus Mill stenciled onto each one in black Old English letters. The table was filled with platters of stacked golden pancakes, bowls of grits dotted with butter and a little cream, plates of crispy bacon and juicy sausage patties; and a casserole dish filled with fried potatoes and onions, and a glass dish brimming with fluffy scrambled eggs seasoned with dashes of salt and pepper. There was also a basket of fresh brochten and biscuits. Before the family dug into to their meal, everyone held hands, bowed their heads and Finn said the blessing:

"God, we give you thanks for the delicious food on our table, for the loved ones gathered around, and for you, who make it all possible. We are humbly grateful. Amen."

After a chorus of amens, the plates were filled, and the meal began. The twins sat in matching portable red high chairs; their blue and green striped Mickey Mouse bibs were fastened around their necks. Sam helped Jake eat tiny spoonfuls of grits and Mercedes tended to Rosy who was eager to have some pancakes and eggs; Mercedes cut up little pieces of pancake for her and mashed up the scrambled eggs before feeding an impatient Rosy, out of the two children, Rosy always had a bigger appetite. Rachel's phone rang in the middle of the meal; she glanced at it. Finn was annoyed.

"I thought you were leaving that upstairs."

"I forgot," she said as the phone rang.

"Who is it?"

"Aba."

Finn's face tightened and he said nothing. He took a bite of his pancakes. The phone stopped ringing and Rachel put it away. Then Finn said:

"I'm sick of your father calling."

"Finn – "

"You know what he wants."

"He's only looking out for us."

"Is that what you think?"

"Please not now."

"Yes, now. In fact both of them can go to hell."

"Aba and Pop aren't to blame for –"

"And I am?" Finn said throwing down his fork and rising from the table, "I'm not hungry any more." He walked out of the room.

Rachel hung her head. Matt and Lucy both looked as though they were going to cry. Abby looked at her cousins who were like her brother and sister and Sam could see that she hurt for them. Lucy whispered something in Abby's ear. Then Abby whispered something to Matt. The three of them stood up.

"May we be excused?" Abby asked.

Sam nodded, and they left, with Abby walking between them holding each of their hands.

Rachel sat there, gazing at her glass of water; a few tears fell from her eyes.

"I'm going for a walk," she getting up from the table.

Once she left the room, Mercedes and Sam looked at each other. The twins, oblivious to the tension, patted their parents' hands.

"Eat," Rosy said.

Sam and Mercedes fed the twins. When they were finished, they went upstairs, changed their diapers and put them down for a nap. They stood over the twins' travel crib watching them sleep and then quietly crept out of the room. They went downstairs and put away the food and settled in the den with cups of tea and a plate of rolls. Sam opened his arms and Mercedes cuddled into his embrace. The afternoon sky turned dark and a summer rain pattered on the cabin's roof.

"So much for fishing," Sam said.

"The rain will let up."

"No, I mean, I don't think Finn will want to go."

Mercedes laced their fingers together and squeezed his hand.

"He needs to cool down. I want to know what's going on. They've been fighting since we got here."

"Well I think – " Sam began and he stopped speaking when Rachel appeared in the doorway; her hair and clothes were wet from the rain.

"Hey, guys, she said, "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Sam said.

Rachel sat in the loveseat next to the couch.

"Finn lost his job. Then they cut my hours at the museum. We're having financial problems and we may lose the house. Aba and Pop want us to move in with them since we won't accept their money. Finn doesn't want to."

"Why?"

"He doesn't like them and they've never gotten along. My parents can be judgmental and they think Finn lacks ambition. Anyway, I think we should sell the house and start over. Finn thinks he can save the day. We've kept the bank at bay for now but our time is running out."

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry this is happening," Mercedes said, getting up from the couch and going to Rachel, giving her a hug, "Do you need anything?"

Rachel clung to Mercedes.

"We came on this trip to forget. I know it was stupid but… we wanted to act like a normal family. I haven't been feeling well either. I think I might be pregnant. I've been throwing up and I have these damn headaches."

"Oh, Rachel." Mercedes had noticed the amount of Advil that Rachel had been taking since they got to North Carolina; she figured she was stressed out from traveling.

"We can't afford a house. How can we afford a baby?"

"Have you taken a pregnancy test to be sure?"

"No, I've been too scared to."

"Does Finn know?"

Rachel shook her head.

"No, please don't tell him. I can't deal with his –" Rachel said and couldn't finish her sentence because she was overcome with uncontrollable sobbing.

Mercedes hugged her, smoothing her hair.

"We're family and we're here for you."

Sam had an idea.

"He can work for me. I've got more business than I can handle. And a lot of my clients are in Tennessee. I'd pay him a salary just like any other employee. It won't be charity." Sam said.

Rachel wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt.

"That's very sweet of you Sam. I don't know if Finn will go for it."

"Pride only goes so far."

"I know. My parents think he's being stubborn."

"I do too."

"If he agrees to work for you that still doesn't solve the house situation. We need the money now."

"We can give him a loan up front and then he can work it off by working for me and I'll give him a wage on top of that. It won't be charity."

"Sam I – " Rachel said and clutched her stomach. She stood up and ran toward the bathroom. Mercedes and Sam followed her down the hall. She barely made it and threw up in the toilet. Mercedes rubbed her back while Sam lingered in the doorway unsure of what to do.

"Oh, God," Rachel said and she threw up again. Mercedes held back her long dark hair as she puked again.

"Honey, take a few deep breaths."

Rachel held onto to the toilet.

"My legs feel numb… I can't feel. Why are they numb."

"We're taking you to the hospital," Mercedes said and looked over at Sam, "Go get Finn."

Rachel slowly stood up and flushed the toilet.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Mercedes said.

Rachel tried to walk out of the bathroom but could only take a few steps, before collapsing to the floor, her arms and legs began to twitch and she was sweating. She held her hands over her eyes.

"Make it stop. It hurts."

"What hurts?"

"I don't now. Everything. I can't –" She began to vomit again and this time it was streaked with blood

Sam dialed 911. Matt and Lucy came into the hallway and saw their mother convulsing on the floor and puking, crying out in pain.

Mercedes told them to get their father. Lucy ignored her and kneeled next to Rachel, grabbing her hand.

"Mommy, squeeze my hand. Can you hear me?"

Matt ran upstairs and moments later Finn came downstairs with him.

"Oh my God, baby," Finn said upon seeing Rachel lying on the floor.

Rachel looked at him and Lucy but her eyes didn't seem to focus and then she closed them.

"Numb," she said.

Finn held her. The paramedics arrived. Sam let them in. Abby, Matt, and Lucy stood near the stairs as two EMT's, who were muscular men in blue uniforms, lifted Rachel onto a stretcher.

"Has she been vomiting for very long?" One of them asked.

"About five minutes," Mercedes said.

They carried Rachel out of the house into the rainy afternoon with Finn following close behind them. Mercedes said to the kids:

"Get your jackets, we're going to the hospital."

Lucy threw her arms around Mercedes' waist and began to cry. Mercedes hugged the girl, consoling her. Matt stood in silent shock; his dark eyes solemn. Abby touched his shoulder.

"Matt?"

Matt hugged Abby. He didn't cry at first only held onto her tightly; and then the tears flowed from his eyes. Sam's heart split in two. He felt helpless.

"I'm getting the twins and then we can go."

He went upstairs and found Jake and Rosy sitting up in their crib, awake and well-rested from their afternoon nap. They looked up at him with big smiles, laughing, holding up their chubby arms to be held.

"Da," they said.

Sam picked up his children and sat on the bed, hugging them and kissing their fat, dimpled cheeks. He heard the sirens of the ambulance wailing in the distance. Rosy and Jake smelled like baby powder, soft and sweet, pure and innocent. He sat there holding them until Mercedes came into the bedroom.

"Baby, we should go."

"Schatzchen?"

Mercedes sat beside him, and gave Rosy and Jake a kiss and then kissed Sam's cheek.

"I don't know what's going to happen. But whatever it is; we have to be ready for it. The kids are waiting. They need us."

Sam nodded.

"Pray with me."

"Ok."

They bowed their heads and Sam said:'

"Lord, please watch over Rachel and her family. Her husband and children need strength during this difficult time. Please give Mercedes and I the courage, wisdom and strength to guide our family through this crisis. Amen."

Together they quickly dressed the twins and grabbed their diaper bag. Downstairs Matt, Lucy, and Abby waited by the doors, holding hands.

"We're ready," Lucy said.

"I didn't know she was that sick," Finn said to Sam while they sat in the waiting room, hoping to hear news of Rachel's condition, "I mean, she's always had headaches. But it was nothing like this, you know?"

Sam squeezed his brother's hand.

"I know."

"I can't lose her."

"Finn –"

"I can't."

"I'm sorry you're going through this."

"Me too. And I'm sorry for acting like a jerk on our vacation. Rachel and I are having problems."

"She filled us in. Why didn't you tell me you lost your job?"

"I like handling stuff on my own."

"You could lose your house."

"Damn, she really did tell you everything."

"She was hurting inside and she needed to talk."

Finn hung his head in shame.

"I let my pride get the best of me. I took my anger out on her. It was wrong and I didn't even notice her being sick. What kind of husband am I?"

"Rachel probably didn't know it was this serious either."

"It doesn't matter. I hurt her. We've been fighting for weeks. And to top it all off, I heard Aba and Pop telling her that I was a loser."

"They really said that?"

"Not in those words. Something about my average intelligence and lack of judgment… I don't know. It pissed me off. Besides, they've always looked down on me."

Sam knew that Rachel's fathers were wealthy and they always had a certain life in mind for their only daughter. Finn never quite fit into their vision.

"Regardless of what her parents think, Rachel married you. She wanted their help because she was scared for your family."

"I hate charity."

"Maybe so, but I would hate homelessness more."

"I'm scared, Sam. What's taking the doctor so long?"

"I don't know."

Sam wondered when Mercedes would be back with the kids. She took them to the cafeteria to get something to eat. They had been in the waiting room for over two hours. He was considering telling her to take the kids home and he would stay there with Finn, but knowing Mercedes, she would want to stay. Finally a doctor, who was only slightly older than Finn and Sam, and rather tall with a black beard, came into the waiting room and sat next to them. He held out his hand.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Ahearn," he said, shaking Finn's hand, "And I take it that you're Finn Hudson, correct?"

Finn nodded, "Yeah, and this is my brother Sam," he said nodding in Sam's direction.

"Nice to meet you both. I'm going to dive into it. Rachel has a brain tumor and it's serious. The medical term is glioblastoma, a form of brain cancer; the tumor is located in the cerebral hemispheres that control thinking, emotions, speech and movement."

Finn took a deep breath and exhaled. He didn't say anything for a moment then said:

"What do we do now?"

"She'll need surgery to remove the tumor and most likely follow-up treatments that may involve chemotherapy. I think you should see a specialist. He's one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. His name is Dr. Randall Jordan and he's located in Kentucky. Here is his information," Dr. Ahearn said, handing Finn a manila folder. This also includes Rachel's CT-scan and a prescription for the pain and nausea. I understand if you already have a doctor in your hometown, but Dr. Jordan is great and he has many years of experience."

Finn took the folder, his hands shaking, and a few tears trickled down his pale cheeks.

"Thank you."

"Rachel should stay here overnight so we can keep an eye on her."

"Ok."

"I'm sorry about all of this."

"Will she die?"

"For now it's too soon to tell. I urge you to see Dr. Jordan."

Finn didn't say anything. Sam shook Dr. Ahearn's hand.

"Thank you."

The doctor nodded and left. Sam put his arm around Finn.

"Mercedes and I are here for you, ok? We'll help you with whatever you need."

"I'm broke."

"I have a solution."

But Finn wasn't listening to him.

"Kentucky? How are we going to manage that? Hotels, doctor's bills, hospital bills…"

"Stay with us."

"What? I can't impose on you like that."

"Yes you can. You want to give Rachel the best care, right? Besides, we would love to have you and the house is big enough. I can give you a loan for your house and you can work for me."

"Sam, thank you but –"

"No buts. Stop thinking about your damn pride. Yes, Rachel's parents aren't exactly your biggest fans, but screw them. Your wife is sick. Matt and Lucy are devastated. This is about your family, not proving something to the world. You fell on hard times; it happens. I'm your brother and I love you. So, please, let me help you."

Finn embraced him.

"Thank you."

"We've always looked out for each other," Sam said, "And now is no different."

FACING THE STORM

Three weeks later

Mercedes sat in the kitchen drinking coffee while enjoying the silence in the house. The refrigerator hummed. The rooster clock ticked. Birds chirped outside the window as the sun rose in the horizon, golden and warm. She sighed, closed her eyes, and yawned. The twins wouldn't be up for another hour and she needed this quiet time to recharge. The cherry wood kitchen table was littered with big plastic blocks, baby bottles, and the remnants of an art project that involved construction paper, popsicle sticks, and silver glitter that was spilled on the table, sparkling against the wooden surface. The house was a wreck, but she was too tired to care. Then she heard footsteps. She turned around and saw Rachel standing in the doorway, her long white nightgown grazing the tiles of the kitchen floor; she was so thin, that her cheeks looked hollow.

"Rachel, you shouldn't be up. Remember Dr. Jordan said – "

Rachel shook her head and carefully walked into the kitchen and sat down next to Mercedes.

"I needed to get up. Just for a little while."

"Would you like some tea?"

"No, I just want some company."

Mercedes patted Rachel's hand.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Ok, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know… anything really."

"I'm working in the garden today."

"More tomatoes?"

"Oh yes, and cucumbers too. I can make that salad you like. You know, the one with the fresh corn and spring onions? You don't have to eat it, but it looks pretty on the table, you know?"

Rachel held Mercedes hand, squeezing it tight.

"Thank you."

They stared at each other and tears formed in Rachel's eyes. Mercedes nodded and kept up the inane chatter about nothing.

"And I'm going to the post office to mail a package to Aunt Josephine. I'm sending her a spice rack I got on sale at Marshall's."

"Sounds like a full day."

"Sam is helping Abby improve her butterfly stroke today."

Rachel picked up a lump of Play-doh from off of the table and began rolling it between her frail hands.

"When Aba and Pop taught me how to swim they told me not to be afraid."

Mercedes took a sip of coffee.

"Were you?"

"I was terrified," she said, smiling, "But I learned to swim. I remember them kneeling near the pool's edge yelling, "You can do it! And I still hear their voices, when life gets hard."

"They taught you to be strong."

"Yeah, but I'm not feeling all that strong right now."

"Have you talked to them?"

"Last night they called. They're coming back to Kentucky this week. I'm not sure that I want them to come."

"Why?"

"I love them very much. They gave me everything. I'm still their little princess. But they say stuff about Finn. It hurts him. And me. I love Finn he may not be what they think is a good provider, but he's kind-hearted, loving, and only wants what's best for us; he lost his job, that's happened to millions of people; he tried so hard to solve it on his own."

"Have you told them how you felt?"

"Yes, and they say they'll stop but then lo' and behold; a veiled insult here, a few choice words there and we're back to square one."

"I see."

"They're pretty coy about it. And they would never air any dirty laundry in front of others. It happens when we're alone. Yet, in their own way, they love Finn.

She sighed and continued molding the clay into a ball.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I want to find my birth parents."

"Really?"

Rachel nodded squeezing the clay.

"Sometimes I wonder about what my mother and father looked like. Why I was given up for adoption. I've never told Aba and Pop because I don't want to hurt them."

"That makes sense."

"I haven't started looking… with so much going on. But there's a part of me that always wonders. Remember that old children's book "Are You My Mother?"

"Yes."

"Well when I was a kid, they read it to us in kindergarten class and it made me cry because at the end of the story the bird finds the mother and I couldn't find mine. I never told my parents, how could I? Later on I found out it was a closed adoption. Aba said they wanted it that way."

"Oh."

"It's on my wish list. Find my parents. Write a book. Drink champagne on a mountaintop."

"Anything else?"

Before Rachel could answer her, Lucy walked into the kitchen, her long brown hair was tousled and she was rubbing her eyes, the oversized orange nightshirt she wore had a few bleach stains. Since the kids tried to do their own laundry all kinds of mishaps had occurred: shrunken clothes, white shirts turned pink, mismatched socks, and tangled underwear. Mercedes applauded them for trying but said she would have to supervise next time they were in the laundry room.

"Hey, sweetie," Rachel said. "Why are you up?"

Lucy shrugged her shoulders, and sat beside her mother, covering her mouth as she yawned.

"I don't know. I just woke up."

Rachel put her arm around her and Lucy rested her head on her mother's bony shoulder.

"Are you hungry? I can make you some breakfast." Mercedes asked getting up from the table to get another cup of coffee.

"No, but thank you."

"Your hair is all tangled," Rachel said as she stroked her daughter's head, "Go get your comb."

Lucy left the kitchen and moments later returned with a wide-tooth silver-plated comb.

"That's pretty," Mercedes said as she poured cream into her coffee.

"Thank you. Granddad and Zaide gave it to me."

"How sweet. It's so elegant," Mercedes said.

"Yes, my parents know elegance," Rachel said, taking the comb from her, "I'm glad you let your hair grow back. It's gotten so long."

Lucy's hair almost reached her waist. Rachel self-consciously touched the pink silk scarf that covered her own head that only had sparse remains of her once, thick, lustrous mane.

"I missed it."

"Me too."

Rachel began working the comb through Lucy's hair, but after a few minutes, her hands began to shake and she dropped the comb.

"Mom?"

"I'm sorry, Luce, it's hard for me to grip the comb."

Lucy picked up the comb and hugged her mother.

"Are you hurting?"

"No, I think I should rest."

"I can help you upstairs," Lucy said.

"I can sit here."

"Are you sure?" Mercedes asked, "Dr. Jordan said -

"Yes, I'm sure," Rachel said, her tone tinged with a hint of anger and sadness, "I'm sure I want to sit in a kitchen with you and Lucy and comb her hair, talking about nothing and have everything feel normal; I'm sure I need these moments more than chemo, or get well wishes or packages from Tiffany's and Saks that Aba and Pop send because that's what their princess needs, isn't it? More perfume, more silk, more diamonds; I'm sure I want to have a conversation that doesn't involve cancer; I'm sure I want to forget Finn's face every time he looks at me because he wants so much to take this all away but he can't and that's killing me even more, not a brain tumor."

She began crying and Lucy held her mother.

"It's ok, Mom."

"No, it's not," she looked over at Mercedes and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just so tired of this. I only want to be who I was before.""

Mercedes leaned over and hugged her.

"No apology needed. We all love you and we're here for you."

The three hugged for a moment longer and then Lucy helped her go upstairs to her room. Once they were gone, Mercedes finished her second cup of coffee and began cleaning up the kitchen. Lucy came back downstairs and joined her at the dishwasher where she was loading in the piles of plates and cups that filled the sink. Lucy picked up a dirty Mickey Mouse plate and put it in the dishwasher; and she was about to put in a pink china teacup but Mercedes stopped her.

"Put that on the counter. It's not dishwasher safe."

Lucy put the teacup back and placed a bowl into the bottom rack.

"She's asleep."

"That's good."

"I never know what to say any more."

"What do you mean?"

"When she cries… what do I say?"

"I don't know. Tell her you love her. Or just listen."

"I saw Dad crying in the back yard yesterday. He thought he was by himself. He didn't see me. I never saw him cry before. Not even in the hospital."

"He's hurting."

Lucy took the last handful of forks and spoons and put them in the silverware holder.

"I like living here. It feels safe."

Mercedes poured detergent into the dispenser, closed the dishwasher door, and turned it on.

"We like having you here."

Just then, Sam walked into the kitchen carrying the twins, with Abby and Matt behind him. Even with his bedhead, sleep encrusted eyes, and two excited toddlers clinging to his bare chest, he looked sexy. Mercedes gave him a long kiss and took Rosy and Jake from his arms, putting them in their high chairs. Matt, Lucy, and Abby began rummaging through the fridge.

"I'm making breakfast," Sam said, shooing them from the fridge, "How about omelets and French toast?"

The kids agreed to the menu and helped Sam cook breakfast while Mercedes occupied the twins with fruit cups and juice until their eggs were ready. Much later while everyone was gathered around the table talking and eating, Finn came downstairs, dressed in bright red running shorts and a black T-shirt. He nodded at everyone, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and left, mumbling something about working out.

Matt hung his head.

"I thought he would eat with us."

Nobody said anything but the cheerful atmosphere suddenly became subdued. Mercedes ruffled Matt's long hair.

"Tell you what. After breakfast, all of you can help me in the garden and then Uncle Sam can take you to the pool."

Matt gave her a sad smile.

"Thanks, Aunt Mercedes."

Mercedes kissed his cheek.

"Your father needs some space right now."

Matt only nodded and finished his breakfast. After the meal was over, Sam and Mercedes took the twins upstairs, dressed them and put them in their playpen in their room across the hall. Mercedes made sure the baby monitors were on, and she stood at the top of the stairs and yelled down to Abby:

"Abby!"

Abby walked to the stairs.

"Yes?"

"Rosy and Jake are in their playpen. I put the upstairs monitors on, make sure the downstairs ones are on too."

"Ok."

"We'll be in the bedroom."

Abby nodded and walked away. Then they went to their bedroom, undressed, and showered together. As always, Sam insisted on worshiping every part of her body, washing every limb with care, gliding the soapy washcloth across each butt cheek, kneading the soft flesh, while nibbling her neck. He was rather devilish that morning and he teased her so much with his lips and tongue that she almost came, but he would pull back and whisper:

"Not yet."

He slipped his fingers inside her, pumping slowly, as she clung to him, reaching for bliss, but at the breaking point, he withdrew them, kissed her tenderly and began washing her large breasts, massaging the heavy mounds, and sucking her big turgid nipples. But Mercedes loved her husband too much to merely take the body worship without giving anything in return, she took his erect member and held it in her small, soft hands, stroking it at a deliberate pace, knowing the right tempo to bring him pleasure, but not enough for him to reach an orgasm; she teased him, fondling his testicles, kissing his neck and tweaking his hard pink nipples.

"Baby…" he whispered, "I cant'…"

He turned off the shower, carried her to their bedroom, laid her glistening wet body on the unmade bed, and entered her, with her plump legs wrapped around his narrow waist, as he moved within her, he stared into her eyes, rolling his hips, taking his time with each thrust. And Mercedes jiggled beneath him, her breasts did as they pleased, bouncing up and down, slapping together, her thighs quivered, and her belly shook, all of her scars, stretch marks and cellulite were on display in the bright morning sunlight and she didn't care; she moaned at the wonderful sensation of him filling her up. She squeezed his firm ass, urging him deeper, admiring his muscular physique; his biceps bulged as he leaned forward and kissed her; she was imprisoned between his strong thighs and felt so safe and loved. They came together and they held each other afterwards, not caring about how they would have to shower again.

"Thank you," Mercedes said, caressing his cheek.

"We both needed that," he said, kissing her.

"I know."

So many days passed when they would fall asleep too exhausted to do much else except hold each other and kiss goodnight.

"This is our time," Sam said.

Since Finn and his family moved in with them, Sam and Mercedes had trouble finding time to be together; and when they did get time alone, they decided that they couldn't discuss the kids, or family or anything except each other. For a while they laid together in silence, wrapped up in each other, cooling down from their lovemaking. Sam gazed down at her, lifted her chin and kissed her.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"What's been going on with you?" He asked, kissing her cheek.

"I saw a beautiful rose in the flower garden," she said, "I took a picture of it."

"You're getting good with photography."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"How is that house in Louisville shaping up?"

"Pretty good. I found the right stones for the fireplace; and the windows will be installed soon. In fact, we should take a day trip down there one day."

"That sounds like fun."

"I know this awesome restaurant where they serve fried catfish and butter beans and the sweet tea tastes so fresh you'd think you brewed it yourself."

"Let's go."

"Ok, and then we can walk around the flea market and I can buy you turquoise jewelry and a new jeweled comb to wear in your hair," he said, sinking his fingers into her kinky mane, massaging her scalp, "I love your hair, just like this, all wild and free."

Over the past couple of months, Mercedes had acquired quite a collection of decorative hair combs. Sam loved it when she wore them, especially the ones that sparkled with costume jewels. He also made it clear that he wanted her to stay natural and not go back to relaxers; something she had pondered doing after the twins were born.

She lay her head on his, hard, chiseled chest and kissed his heart, as he stroked her back, his big, callused hands sent tingles through her body.

"You're so beautiful. I'm blessed to have you," he said.

"I'm blessed too."

"Have you ever been skinny dipping?"

Mercedes laughed.

"What?"

"Skinny dipping."

"No, I can't say that I have."

"We should go."

"Sam – "

"I'm serious. It's great at night under the stars."

"With the mosquitoes."

This time Sam laughed and tickled her.

"Think about it."

"I am thinking. And it sounds awful."

"You have to use your imagination."

Mercedes sat up and kissed his lips.

"I am imagining bugs, bats, and other things… but for you, I'll try it once."

Sam grinned.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

He hugged her tight.

"We need a date night."

"Yeah, we need to plan one… oh, I want to show you something."

Mercedes got up and went to the closet and got her photo album; when she returned to the bed, Sam wrapped his arms around her once more, kissing her.

"You're awfully affectionate this morning," she said.

"I miss you."

Mercedes knew the feeling. With the chaos and tragedy that surrounded them, missing each other was a side effect. She opened the album.

"Aunt Josephine sent this. It has a lot of old pictures of my family."

Sam nodded.

"Cool, let me see."

Mercedes pointed to a picture of a full-figured black woman with a huge Afro wearing a white T-shirt and ripped jeans. She's sitting on a couch with a cute, little baby on her lap.

"That's my mother, she said, "And the baby is me."

Sam stared at the photo, running his fingers across the shiny plastic cover that protected the picture underneath.

"You're beautiful like her. You have her eyes."

"I wish I remembered her," she said and pointed to another picture of a tall black man with curly hair and white teeth, he stood in front of a grocery store dressed in a red smock and jeans.

"And that's my Dad. He worked at Safeway."

"What did your mother do?"

"She worked at a daycare."

"You've got his nose," Sam said, pointing to her father's nose.

Mercedes smiled.

"Yeah. My Dad's nose, my mother's eyes, and I guess my mouth is an original."

He kissed her.

"I wish I could've met them."

"Me too."

She closed the album.

"I'm glad she sent this. I like looking at their pictures. I can see that they loved me a lot."

Sam kissed her forehead.

"Of course they did."

"Do you think they would've been proud of me?"

He cupped her face with his hands and stared into her eyes.

"Schätzchen, you're intelligent, kind, open-hearted, talented, loving, giving, and fierce. How could they not be proud of you? You're a treasure."

"Sam…"

"Shhh, let me finish. Everyday I'm amazed at how lucky I am. I have something for you," he said as he leaned over and opened the top drawer of the nightstand next to the bed. He pulled out a cream colored envelope with her name written in calligraphy across the front and handed it to her.

"Here," he said.

Mercedes took the envelope, smiling at the calligraphy.

"Did Stacy do this for you?"

"No, but she taught me how. With some Skype sessions and lots of patience; you know how my little sister is; short-tempered as a wild horse. I know it isn't perfect but…"

She hugged him, kissing his warm, full lips.

"I don't need perfect. I can't believe you learned calligraphy for me."

"Well, I'm not as good as Stacy but I think I got the hang of it. You liked my invitation from our first date so much that I figured you would like this too and –

"Samuel Hummel, you're just too much. Thank you! I have a letter for you too. I didn't forget."

They decided to write each other love letters a few weeks ago, during the darkest, turbulent events that hit their family. Watching Finn fall apart and Rachel soldier through cancer, made them appreciate what they had even more. She got out of bed once more and went to her dresser and pulled out a card from the top drawer. She handed it to him. He gazed at it and tears filled his eyes.

"This is a photo you took."

Mercedes made a card of a photo she took of icicles that formed on the eaves of their old house in Tennessee; Sam loved icicles.

"I fell in love with you in that house that was frozen with ice and snow. And when you told me that story of how much you loved icicles as a little boy, well, this captured everything for me. Open it."

Sam opened the card and read it aloud.

Dear Sam,

I've never met a kinder soul than you. You've opened your heart to me countless times and I'm grateful everyday. Right now as I write this, you're giving Rosy and Jake a bath and singing My Darling Clementine, and our babies are laughing and I can only feel joy. Pure, beautiful joy. It's only one moment, and despite everything, I cling to these moments. I love that you steal kisses when we're doing something as dull as folding laundry; and when we're taking a stroll you always hold my hand, always. It shows the world that I am yours. I love that. I love how proud you are that I'm your wife and how you smile when you introduce me and say: "This is my beautiful wife, Mercedes…" I feel warm inside each time it happens because you value what we have. Sam, you have all of me. I love you. And Abby loves you. Thank you for celebrating her beauty and wisdom. To be clear, she's no longer my daughter; she's OUR daughter. Just the other day, I heard you talking with her in the kitchen, and she was telling you about a bird's nest she found, and you listened to every word she said. Most people don't listen any more, but you're not like most people. You cherish our marriage everyday. I can't thank you enough for everything you do: rubbing my feet when I'm tired, making love to me with your whole heart, holding me when I cry, praying with me, taking care of our family. Such a loving, wonderful man, you are. And I am proud to have your name and to bear your children. I love you, Samuel. Forever.

By the time, he finished reading her letter, Sam was crying, he hugged Mercedes and she rubbed his back.

"I meant all of it Sam. I don't care what's going on in our lives, you will always know how much I love you and what a wonderful man you are. God sent you to me, and I can't sing your praises enough."

They held each other a long time. Mercedes knew that Sam was overcome with many emotions, such a tender heart he had. His tears fell onto her bare shoulder, and she welcomed them, Sam never had to hide anything from her. Finally, he wiped his face with the back of his hand and said:

"Thank you, schätzchen. Now read mine."

Dear Mercedes,

I hear you snoring right now. And before you deny it, yes, my love, you snore, but I don't care. The house is so quiet and I'm sitting here thinking about how blessed, honored, and fortunate I am to have you for my wife and mother of my children. The first time I saw you, I was blown away. You were determined yet vulnerable, strong yet scared, you kept it together when many would've fallen apart. I loved you when you drank hot chocolate and cried in my kitchen and danced with me in front of the fireplace on that cold winter afternoon so long ago, and the first time I held you in my arms, I knew I would love you forever. Don't ask me how I knew. I just did. You're my blue angel, my heart, and my life. And as tired and cliché as it sounds, everything I do is for you. You showed me that intimacy doesn't always mean sex. It's how you hold each other, look inside each other, share moments of silence, and pray together. Don't get me wrong, making love to you is beyond wonderful, but I like the entire sum of all parts that we share. Honestly, baby, I never thought I could get what I have in this life, right here, right now. Rosy, Jake and Abby are my all. I'm blessed with three gorgeous, wonderful children. And you, always by side, challenging me, loving me, holding me, I love you so much. Did I mention that you're beautiful? I'm not talking about your body and face (though they are) I'm talking about your grace and dignity, your kind heart, your intelligence all of it is so beautiful to me. I am proud you are my wife. So damn proud. Schätzchen, I am eternally yours; the fire will never die. Just keep burning bright until the next life. I love you.

Sam.

Now it was Mercedes' turn to cry. She held his letter and the tears fell onto the page, making the black ink run. She set the letter on the nightstand so her tears wouldn't ruin it and held onto Sam.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"No need for thanks. I meant every word of it and then some."

He sort of hummed and rocked her in his arms until she got her voice back and said:

"I don't snore."

Both of them laughed and held each other, wiping away tears, sharing a few kisses and soft caresses on their damp skin. They took another quick shower, dressed, stripped the bed, and piled the sheets into the laundry basket. Mercedes was about to lift the basket from the floor but Sam shooed her away and picked it up himself. Instead of protesting, Mercedes chuckled and was about to open the door when Sam dropped the basket and grabbed her by her wide hips; he pushed her against the door and kissed her, his tongue delving into her sweet mouth; when he pulled away he said:

"Our time doesn't have to stop once we leave this room. I refuse to miss you. I'll steal as many moments as I can with you. It's crazy to miss someone who sleeps right next to you, don't you think?"

Mercedes nodded, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

"Steal away," she whispered, and opened the door.

END NOTES: Thank you for reading my story!

#samcedes fanfiction #Samcedes #Sam and mercedes #sam evans and mercedes jones

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