#the em-o-tional damaaaaage

[strywoven]

@fatebinded has requested a story : ❛   i don’t want to let go. i’m not ready to say goodbye yet.  ❜   jen to kaen bc punch me pls

𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅.

This conversation – thus , this topic – has been a long time coming.  Kaen has neglected it for both their sakes ( or so they tell themself ) , though now that the already strained relationship between realms has become too contentious to ignore , it seems appropriate to mention it all.  Kaen does what they can to explain everything to Jen ( about the thinning divide between realms that sparked the conflict , about the influx of violence between mortals & non , about the gods taking advantage of the encroaching chaos— ) , to tell him that even the godling has a role in all this ; they , too , will have to eventually accept their Fate and try to ⸺

⸺ It startles them when Jen suddenly and uncharacteristically interrupts their words with his own : i don’t want to let go , he says , his features fixed with despair , his eyes filling with the memories of a history that now begins to repeat itself , i’m not ready to say good-bye yet.  Although he tries to keep his voice firm , calm , he fails , his tone wavering and sounding almost c h o k e d with preemptive grief.

Many a time in the past the godling has found themself watching people leave them behind – it is a wound they and Jen share – but t h i s is new ; the roles are entirely REVERSED as they see their friend with his fists clenched and quivering voice , his expression d e s p e r a t e as he gazes up at them , imploring them to reconsider.  It feels … WRONG in a way Kaen cannot quite articulate.  Perhaps because they know this must be reopening old scars for Jen , but also because he does not deserve the grief of potentially losing someone he cares for ( again ) .  In fact , no-one ought to be forced to burden such a pain.

Guiltily , Kaen glances away , own furred ears drooping l o w against their head , the divine glow to their person d i m m i n g .  No , he doesn’t deserve this.  Yet this must be done ( it must , it must , it must ! ) , one way or another.  Surely , he could understand they have no other choice … ?   ❝ Jen … ❞  Starts the thought only to let it end , uncertain of how to carry on.  What should they say to him ?  What can they say ?  An apology doesn’t seem adequate enough for something like this.  Their gaze finds his , their hand settling atop one of his balled , trembling fists , g e n t l y unwinding his fingers so they may hold his hand in a comforting grip.  ❝ Ah know- Ah know ye would rather Ah not do somethin’ like this , an’ ‘onestly if there w a s any other way Ah’d do it , but- but there isn’t.  Ah ‘ave ta’ go an’ face m’father , ‘s th’ only way ta’ try’n end things. ❞  Kaen grimaces at their own words , at the taste of them ; it all sounds so … F i n a l .  Though it is true , their life hangs in the balance , swinging precariously on an ever-thinning divide.

For a long while , Kaen simply holds his hand , sits with him in silence , allows the weight of the moment to press down upon them both ( for him , the realization that his best friend is quite literally walking into death to save the world ; for them , the realization that they are sacrificing everything to save everything ) .  Eventually , the godling sighs , puffing embers into the air.  ❝ Ah dun’ wan’ ye ta’ mourn me , ❞ They tell him , noting the way his face scrunches up even further , ❝ Ah wan’ ye ta’ save- ta’ save yer tears fer when it’ll matter , okay ? ❞  Their free hand lifts , pressing to the back of his neck and ushering him forward to press their foreheads together , an i n t i m a t e and affectionate gesture.  ❝ Like fer when Ah end this stupid war an’ come back ta’ ye … ❞  It’s a promise they both know might be IMPOSSIBLE to keep , but Kaen makes it to him anyways.  There’s another small pause before Kaen smiles a bit , their voice softening , lowering to just above a weepy-noted whisper , ❝ Ah … Ah love ye , Jen.  Please dun’ ferget tha’. ❞