#the emotions that swept over me when i woke up to see this message??

[makethatelevenrings]

Angel by the Wing // Thirty-Five

Chapter Warnings: discussion of emotional abuse from a parent, abandonment, crying, pregnancy as per usual

Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)

There’s radio silence for three days.

As much as he didn’t want to, Bradley had to leave to meet his new squad before they began training in a few days. So he brought in the big guns.

“Move,” Sofia barked as she shoved past him and into the house. The dark haired woman made a beeline for the bedroom where you were curled up on the mattress that was suddenly too large now that Jake was gone. Skipper chirped at the sight of his second favorite person and settled on the pillow next to your head. He gratefully accepted Sofia’s gentle scratch under his chin as she climbed onto the bed.

“Hi,” she announced. “We’re not going to wallow in bed, you lump.”

“Go away.” Your voice was muffled by the fabric of the pillow. “I’m not in the fucking mood.”

The pillow was ripped away from your head and you met the glittering dark eyes of your best friend. Sofia tossed your pillow across the room and loomed over you. For a petite pint-sized individual, you could see why she was so terrifying to the military personnel that she strong armed into getting their vaccine appointments. Folks think that Natasha was the feral one of the couple thanks to her propensity for getting into high speed jets, but Sofia was the one who one told a three-star general to fuck off when he tried to get her to break HIPAA.

“I’ll be home at five-thirty,” Bradley said from the doorway. “Please don’t make me bail you out of jail.”

Sofia answered him with a wicked grin before she settled in next to you on the bed. Her slim fingers slid over your head and started to pass through your hair. You pressed your cheek against the mattress and shut your eyes at the soothing ministrations. Three days of silence and three days of you just going through the motions. Today was your first day off since the fight and now you were confronted with the crushing realization of everything. It didn’t help that you woke up to a voicemail from your mom and threw your phone across the room, which prompted Bradley to call Sofia.

“What’s going on, momma?” Sofia cooed. You turned to face your friend and one look at the concern on your face had your face crumpling in seconds. Sofia swept you into a hug as you shook with sobs. Your hand fisted in the fabric of her worn t-shirt and you felt guilty for a moment for staining it with your tears. Sofia rid you of that guilt in seconds by rubbing your back and whispering assurances.

“I fucked it all up. I fucked it all up again,” you wept. “Every goddamn time.”

“No, no, honey. What’s going on?”

You pushed away from her and untangled yourself from the blankets so you could grab your phone and play the voicemail. Your mother’s voice made you cringe as she treated everything so fucking blase.

“We already turned your room into an office but if you insist on acting like this, we can remodel it for you and the baby until you get on your feet. I need you to understand that you’re being stubborn right now and that’s not a good sign of a mother. I hope this child turns out just like you so you can understand what we’ve had to deal with. You’re being unreasonable, thinking these boys will do the right thing. Just come home and we’ll figure it out.”

You swiped out of your messages and swallowed the rising tide of bile and snot that bubbled up in your throat. Sofia stared at your phone in silence and you had no idea what was running through her head. A hiccuping sob escaped you and you dropped your phone onto the bed so you could bury your face in your hands. Sofia tugged your wrists away from your face and then guided you to sit back down on the bed. She kneeled at the edge of the bed and clasped your hands tightly with hers.

“That was the biggest load of horseshit I have ever heard,” she said fiercely. “You are going to be such a good fucking mom, do you hear me? Your mother is a cunt and I’m not afraid to say it.”

“She would leave when I messed up,” you whispered. “She would get so angry and scream about how she had to do everything and then she would say that she was leaving our family and finding someone who cared. And she did. She would just walk out the door. I don’t know where she would go, but she would be gone for a few hours and I…I thought she would never come back. A-And my dad didn’t care. I hardly saw him because he was always at work and when he was home, he fell asleep on the couch.

I would do the dishes wrong or forget to move the laundry over and she would just walk out. When she came back home, I promised to never do it again and she’d tell me that I learned my lesson and she would never actually leave me but she still did. And…and Jake just fucking…walked out.”

Your shoulders slumped down at the end of your sentence, as if you were a marionette and all your strings were cut. Sofia wordlessly pulled you in for another hug and you collapsed into her.

“Everyone leaves me and it’s always my fault.”

“No. No, don’t you dare say that.” Sofia shushed you gently and inhaled deeply, forcing you to match her breathing. Your sobs subsided into little hiccuping coughs and then into shaky, stuttered breaths.

“It’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. Your mother is an adult. She made the choice to leave because she wasn’t a good parent. Jake left because he’s emotionally constipated and can’t have a mature conversation to save his life. That’s all. That’s the only reason. It wasn’t anything you did or said.”

You knew she was right but, at the same time, you couldn’t believe her. Why would you have a pattern of people walking out of your life if not for you? Your mom, exes, and now Jake. It was all because of you.

“I can practically hear you trashing yourself in your mind,” Sofia warned. “Stop it. No. Bad. Stop talking about my best friend like that.”

Despite the fresh tears quickly drying on your cheeks, a giggle escaped you at her words. She grinned and pulled away from the hug so she could see your face. She cupped your face in your hands and smiled.

“You are going to be the most amazing mother because I know for a fact that you are an amazing friend and boss and person. And while I don’t have experience in this area, I’m sure you’re a damn good lay too.”

Another startled laugh escaped you and her grin grew wider. “Alright, momma. Let’s get up, get dressed, get some food in you, and then we are going to do some errands. Go to some boutiques. Buy cute baby clothes. And we are not going to cry unless it’s about how teeny tiny baby shoes are, okay?”

You were immensely grateful for Sofia Trace’s presence in your life. She dragged you around San Diego to small little boutique shops and slapped down her credit card with a pointed reminder that she was going to be an aunt and it was her God-given right to buy her future nibling some “cute ass baby clothes, damnit”. You found a few items that you purchased yourself, your fingers pressing against the buttery-soft fabric as you realized just how small this baby was going to be.

Sofia dropped you back at the townhome a few minutes before Bradley was set to come home which gave you a chance to start on dinner. Usually it was Jake who cooked dinner with you helping, but now you were at a loss as to what to make. You settled on some basic spaghetti and sauce from a jar. The water began to crest and boil when the front door opened.

“Hi,” you greeted quietly as Bradley made his way into the kitchen. He offered you a small, tender smile and you hated this. You hated this gap that suddenly appeared between you two. Jake’s absence felt pretty damn hard between both of you.

“Hey.” He eyed the bags shoved in the corner of the living room and bent down to scratch Skipper under the chin. “Good day?”

“Yeah, Sofia went a little overboard with the baby clothes but hey, we’ll need it. Dinner’s almost ready. It’s nothing fancy. Sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, sweetheart,” he said gently. Your lips pulled down and your brows creased. He crossed the room and tugged you into a hug. He felt the way your body trembled slightly and he pressed you closer, tucking your face against the column of his throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m a mess. I know it’s hard to be with me,” you whispered. His grip on the back of your head tightened minutely and he shook his head.

“No, baby. No. We’ll figure this out. We’ll get him back.”

“Don’t say things you can’t guarantee.”

Bradley huffed out an indignant snort. “You doubt me? I’m very persuasive. I’ll drag him back here kicking and screaming if I have to.” He pulled away so he could see your face and brushed some sweaty strands of hair out of your face. You blinked up at him with glassy eyes and he leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m not leaving, angel. Not now, not ever. I promise.”

“Pretty sure I just said you can’t say things you can’t guarantee.”

For a startling moment, Bradley thought about the days when he was a kid, fresh off the bus and full of energy after a day of school. He would bound up the steps of the small house they had in Virginia and open the door to find his mother bent over the kitchen counter and sobbing into her hands. Carole always tried to hide her tears from him but he caught her a few times like this. She would brush away the tears, stand up straight, and launch into asking him about his day, but he always knew. Bradley could only remember his dad in the abstract, fuzzy details of childhood memories and stories told to him by others, but he could feel his loss acutely, both in his own life and in the pain reflected by his mom.

He wouldn’t do that to you. He couldn’t. That was his kid you were carrying.

But he felt the loss of the smart-mouthed blond in this small kitchen. Bradley needed to get Jake back, for the both of you. For the three of you, he corrected himself. This baby was just as much Jake’s as his, as far as he was concerned.

His family had been fractured once before. He wouldn’t let it happen again.

“I miss him too,” he admitted. “So I promise, angel. We’ll be a family. Just like we’re supposed to be.”

He could see the sliver of hope shining in your eyes and he counted it as a victory. Bradley nudged you towards the bags as he grabbed a spatula. “Show me what you got, sweetheart.” You lit up and began digging in the bags to pull out the tiny clothes. “Okay, so, since we don’t know the gender, I tried to go for neutral clothes. But also fuck gender roles, right? I found this adorable little duck onesie and fucking hell, bear, look at how small it is.”

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[taexual]

Oh man so much has happened since my last comments and phew is it a RIDE. Ok so this lengthy commentary is for parts 14-16 since I dropped the ball and am late to the game. First of all, I love that their relationship is like evolving… but like back in time when they were comfortable around each other. I especially liked the scene where they get ice cream after dinner w/ his parents. “Neither of us is getting diabetes… absentmindedly extending his hand to wipe the chocolate from your lips and then sucking his thumb into his mouth.” JK does it so casually, it’s a true testament to how relaxed he is around her now. Secondly, the way you’ve built up this tension is so sexy. Like… everyone must’ve seen that some time in the future, their relationship would’ve upgraded from platonic to romantic. Since it was stopped prematurely, I feel like it’s starting to run its course again? Almost like the hands of time were paused and when re-started, continued its predestined path. One of my favorite parts is the scene in his room where she dares him to show her his “mysterious nightstand” haha and I half expected idk… condoms and dildos and sex toys or something, but come to find out he’s been keeping mementos of their friendship 🥺 they’ve lost so many years and that makes my heart hurt. Ok, and I HAVE to do it, I HAVE to talk about that kiss! “Truth or dare?... You can’t pick truth twice in a row… Fine, you dick… Dare, then. Kiss me.” I love that even tho he’s the one who’s asking for the kiss, he leaves it up to her to initiate it. You can really feel the years of pent up yearning in that kiss. Ch 14 was SUCH a turning point, and one of my fave chapters thus far!!! And the opening scene of ch 15 had me chortling!!! The way she confides in Inna is such classic, sleepover worthy content! I love how Inna is over the moon happy for her while she’s thinking their friendship is ruined haha “Sometimes you need to blow things up in order to build new ones” and “The only reason why your foundation is rocky is because you’ve been building a friendship when you should have been building a relationship” and “There’s no precedent for being in love. Every love is different.” Inna really shined as a beacon of wisdom in this scene and I cherish her!! Every girl needs an Inna!! Mc’s insecurities and doubts were portrayed really well with the dialogue and I can sympathize with her predicament. Jk hurt her before and walked away, who’s to say he won’t do it again? And this time her heart would be on the line. Ok, but when JK brought up “what happened on Sunday night” my heart was IN MY THROAT. I thought this is the moment they DTR?? At a company board meeting?? Thirdly, I looooove getting to see both their POVs. Like in the beginning of ch 16 where JK’s driving her home and is daydreaming about their kiss and how it could have progressed?? You can really tell it was important to him, he’s just a lil emotionally constipated atm haha and their banter!! It’s so lively and so them that you really get the feeling that they’ve known each other their whole lives! “We can both be in control… If we do, I hope it will be as epic as Harry versus Voldemort… I take it you’re Voldemort?” HAHHA this lil piece of dialogue had me cackling!! And the scene with Namjoon at the company bbq was a welcomed surprise! I really loved seeing her defend him against Namjoon’s judgy comments!! Especially since the Jeons aren’t around to hear it, you know she’s not just playing the part, she means what she says. But the end of ch 16 tho when Yoongi calls her looking for JK… the way he knows that JK wouldn’t have cared about the picture, unless she took someone as her plus one. The way he reacted to just the THOUGHT of her with someone else 🥺 what a way to end with a cliffhanger!! Loving how the plot is progressing so far and how the characters are developing!! ILYTSBTSI is such a fun read, I could totally see it as a movie/tv show!! I hope you’re well, I’m sorry this got to be so long, and I hope you accept all my love!❤️❤️

i’ve lived for over two decades and have been writing for more than 15 years in one way or another, and no one’s ever given me a review this deep and personal before. you couldn’t begin to count the times i’ve re-read your message, love 😭🥺 i can’t thank you enough for noticing every detail i’ve spent hours agonizing over, and for letting me know your thoughts on specific parts of the story that stood out to you!! the only way i could thank you properly, is if i mailed myself to you and spent the rest of my life hugging you every three seconds to express my love and appreciation ❤️ thank you a million times, my love, you have made every second of writing this story worth it. i love you to the moon and back, and i am so incredibly lucky that you chose to read my fic! ❤️❤️

[sailxrmxrs]

in celebration of the infinite blue demo dropping, i'm also dropping some headcanons of some thoughts of our first meeting with each of the lis! obviously the demo has only just come out so i'm still getting used to each of their personalities hehe so forgive me if any seem a little out of character ! am v v excited for this game and will be playing the demo many times to get all the endings. also u reading this should also download and play the demo bc it's very good the characters are very pretty and the music is really good and the writing too just all of it chef's kiss amazing

♡ leo ♡

Meeting Leo was an idea that played on your mind frequently as soon as the two of you started to talk more and more in private. He was ever enthusiastic and excited to learn more about you and who you were outside of the app. And there was no denying the way he casually flirted with you, offering compliments and leaving cute good morning messages for whenever you woke up. It came as no surprise to anyone when the two of you slowly started to fall for one another, least of all you and Leo. It felt as natural as breathing, a part of your daily routine so deeply ingrained that you couldn't imagine a day without some form of Leo existing even in the periphery of your plans. Whether it be a small text or an hour long call, he'd situated himself right at the apex of your heart—had rooted himself there with no intentions of clawing free. Naturally, you had managed to do the exact same for him, your presence in Leo's own life permanent and ineffaceable. It was a mutually admired closeness that neither had any desire to relinquish. And this was before you'd even met in person. Who knew exactly how difficult it would be to part from one another after relishing in the physical closeness in conjunction with your usual emotional proximity.

Even now you made your way to meet him, eyes and ears tuned in to your phone awaiting some kind of message that he was there already. Leo remained at the front and centre of your thoughts, dancing around in your mind like he owned the place. Still, the excitement of your oncoming afternoon had your heart skipping a beat with every other step you took. In mere minutes you would finally be meeting Leo and would no longer have the barriers of the internet holding either of you back. There was still so much you wanted to say and do with him that just didn't feel the same over text or even in a phone call. You wanted to see every expression on his face close up, hear his laugh caress your ears in a way your phone just couldn't live up to, see the way his eyes creased ever so slightly when he smiled deep enough. All of it. You wanted to learn anything and everything you could about him. When you reached the spot you'd agreed to meet at, you took a quick glance at your phone before taking a moment to breathe and compose yourself for meeting him. A cocktail of excitement and adrenaline, tainted with a slight tinge of nerves and anxiety, coursed through your veins, pulsing as if it were one with your blood. What if he didn't show up? What if he decided it wasn't the same like this? What if he saw you off in the distance and decided that no, this wasn't worth it? As you stood waiting, trying to hold back the slowly spiralling thoughts, a text alert sounded from your phone.

Message Received: Leo

look up

And as you followed his instruction, sure enough, Leo was stood before you, beaming. He wore one of many signature hats he'd mentioned during a call, tufts of black hair peeking out the bottom. Before you could utter a word of greeting, Leo swept you up into a tight hug, holding you close as his cheek rested against your forehead.

"You don't understand how long I've wanted to do this. Sorry if I'm a little forward just... I really like you. I've been thinking about this a lot."

Smiling at Leo's concern, you took a step back and reached your hand to cup his cheek, feeling warmth bloom beneath your fingertips. "Don't apologise. This is all I've been thinking about for, god I don't know how long. Don't hold back either. I like you just as you are."

Milo's smile grew tenfold, his hand placing itself on top of yours, to pull it away from his face ever so slightly to leave a kiss to the palm of your hand. "Likewise, love."

♡ milo ♡

Of the relationships you'd formed with each of the other boys, Milo had been the least forthcoming. He was often colder or less personable with his responses, opting to be the voice of reason. That wasn't to say he wasn't friends with everyone, but rather that he established a specific distance. Though that was contradicted by his perchance for surveillance that came with the territory of his job. Still, any time the suggestion was raised for the group to meet Milo was always the first to say no. Even his calls were few and far between, only picking up in volume over a longer span of time. As the two of you grew closer, Milo's tendency to poke fun and spur on the others became a lot more apparent. He knew exactly how to push all of their buttons, though they could not say the same for Milo, of course. One night he called you after riling up Rory, laughing at the reaction he'd gotten. It was the first time you'd heard him laugh so heartily and when you called attention to that fact Milo coughed, needing a moment to recompose himself. He went on to say the real reason why he called was because there was some new movie showing that he wanted to see and maybe, possibly, did you want want to go and see it too. He worded it so poorly in his awkwardness that it took a moment to even realise he was asking you out. Even when you accepted and looked at your diary to figure out the best time, Milo was half stuttering and tripping on his words. So as not to embarrass him too much you didn't call him out for the divergence from his usual way of speaking, though it was undeniably cute.

When the day came that the two of you proposed to meet, it took a moment before you actually recognised each other. The both of you had been much less forthcoming with photos or videos of your day to day lives than the other chat participants. To other onlookers it probably looked rather cute seeing the two of you bump hands with each other, quite literally, as you reached for the same drink from the display inside the cinema. Your hands touched and you both looked up, recognition pouring through your features at the realisation that this was your fated first meeting. It was the kind of interaction that only happened in romance novels or movies, not real life, and yet here you were, fingers still touching. Milo offered a featherlight nudge as he nodded toward the drink you'd initially wanted which just so happened to be the last of its kind. As you took it, Milo selected his own and cleared his throat in an attempt to swallow down the instant feeling of nervousness that wracked his entire being the moment he realised you were stood right there before him. He'd hoped to get here a little early to calm himself and fully prepare only to be thrown right in the deep end.

"You can have this if you'd like, I don't mind," you commented, holding out the drink you'd taken and hoping Milo wasn't about to bolt.

"No no it's fine. I'm good." His response was stiff, clearly not feeling ready for the exchange. "Sorry I'm just kind of nervous. For some reason."

"You're good. I am too. But we can be nervous together. Want to grab some snacks?" When Milo nodded his agreement, you slipped your hand in his and gently squeezed in reassurance, giggling when he gasped and frantically looked at you to see if you'd noticed. That barrier of awkwardness crumbled apart within minutes and he would soon return those same comforting squeezes as he held onto your hand.

♡ rory ♡

There was something about Rory that had you believing there was a lot left unsaid, kept hidden in the dark away from prying eyes so as not to give away anything too personal. Your private conversations with him were nice, of course, but it felt as though he was wary of getting too close and letting himself bring down those cold iron walls. Over time, the frosted layer that encased those walls melted away and, one by one, the hard iron walls deconstructed to reveal the molten core that resided within. Rory was, deep down, far more emotional and considerate than the others gave him credit for but that was a secret entrusted only to you; a gift of trust bestowed upon you to signify just how much he truly cared for your presence in his life. Though he was not entirely forthcoming with his emotions still, even after allowing himself the freedom to be vulnerable with you. But that was simply Rory. You'd fallen for his cool exterior and happily accepted him in all forms, frequently expressing the fact both to watch him fluster but also to ensure he knew just how deeply you cared for him. Occasionally in rare moments, typically late at night, he would offer the same sugar-sweet confessions. It was after such admissions of his true intentions and feelings that he offered to meet one day you were both free. It had been important to you to let Rory lead, wanting things to play out on his terms. So your acceptance was swift and emotive, full of elation and affection for the mystery man in your phone.

After some deliberation, the two of you managed to settle on plans for an afternoon. It was nothing extravagant nor crazy but would make for a relaxed time in the other's presence—no expectations or pressure for it to be anything other than two people enjoying their shared company. The wind was cool brushing against your skin as you walked down the street to where you'd agreed to meet Rory. It was a bright spring day with the sun hiding behind blankets of puffy cloud, refusing to warm the gentle nip that the breeze brought with it. Looking ahead at the other people on their own ways around the city, you could spot the bright red hair that belonged to exactly the person you resided comfortable in your thoughts. Rory. He hadn't yet noticed your approach, eyes fixed on his phone. Whatever he was looking at certainly engrossed him, the whispers of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. As you reached closer, that smile only became more apparent despite not having been noticed. Curious, you quickened your pace to reach Rory.

"Guess who!" You giggled, hands moving to wrap around his arm. Rory startled for a moment until his eyes settled on you, recognition setting in and earning you an eye roll from him.

"Can't believe I'm getting harassed by strangers on the street now. What even is personal space, anyway?" He commented, though his actions seemed to betray him as he leaned in to your touch. "But, uh, it's good to see you."

"Likewise. And don't think I missed you smiling at your phone. What were you looking at, hm?" You asked, leaning over to take a peek at his phone screen. A deep blush filled Rory's cheeks as he tilted his phone so you could get a closer look. On the screen was the string of messages you'd shared the night before, including a photo you'd sent of yourself. A matching flush of warmth rushed through your cheeks at the realisation he'd been smiling because of you.

Rory cleared his throat, the tips of his ears still pink. "Anyway. We better get going before we're late."

♡ alexei ♡

From the moment you'd first joined the mystery app and met Alexei, you were drawn in by not only how open and friendly he'd been, but also his dedication to his work and research. Despite being the youngest of the group, he certainly made his voice known as the smartest of them all. Listening to him talk about his work was interesting, despite the others' complaints. Admittedly, the two of you had wanted to meet sooner but Alexei's busy work schedule combined with your own meant plans had to be delayed and rearranged a number of times. But there had been a ray of golden hope shining in the oncoming weekend where neither of you had prior engagements that you couldn't get out of. And so, you'd managed to plan a whole weekend of activities together. The plan was to first meet at a nearby coffee shop for lunch, before going ice skating in the afternoon as per Alexei's suggestion. He'd even texted you earlier that morning to check you were still feeling up to meeting, wary that maybe this was too soon. He was as attentive as ever regarding how you felt, one of many reasons why you'd begun to fall for him so deeply despite never having met.

And now, as the sun beamed down from its position in the wide blue expanse of sky stretching over the city, you felt endless amounts of excitement knowing in a few short moments, you'd finally be able to see Alexei and all his sweetness in person. He'd texted you recently to let you know he'd already arrived and was waiting with your favourite drink already ordered. How he remembered, you had no idea, but the photo he'd sent was proof enough that he made a note of things you mentioned in passing. Alexei was perceptive like that, always paying close attention to you and the others as you brought up little facts about your lives or interests you had. It was sweet how much he cared to notice the little things. Casting thoughts of Alexei aside for a moment, you reached the door to the coffee shop. It was one you'd walked past more than times on your way to work, but had never gotten the chance to visit. As you pushed the door open, a small bell tinkled with the movement. The barista smiled at your entrance while you scanned the shop for a familiar white haired individual. Your search was short-lived as Alexei's voice called out your name from his seat by the window. He rose from his chair, eyes wide and smile just as bright.

"You're here! I can't believe we're finally meeting," he greeted as the two of you moved closer. Seeing him in the cosy sweater he wore, hair fluffy and hands fidgeting with one another as he contemplated reaching for a hug sent your heart soaring.

"Are you sure I'm not dreaming?" You joke, the sound of Alexei's laugh blending with yours in a harmonious symphony.

"I don't know. Perhaps that's a theory we'll have to put to the test."

♡ brooklyn ♡

Ever since the plans had been arranged to finally meet Brooklyn, you were teeming with excitable energy. Ever since those first few conversations, an undeniable connection sprouted between you both. It was almost unfathomable just how easy it was to talk to him, especially considering his busy schedule with meeting after meeting. Somehow he always seemed to make time for you, sparing even a few minutes to see how you were doing and let you know he was thinking of you. Of course, the feeling was mutual. There was no forgetting the eloquence in the way he spoke, nor the charm with which he seemed to so effortlessly bring forth both in group texts or private messages. He held no qualms about being upfront with his feelings, offering sweet words of encouragement and gentle care. The thought of finally being able to meet him sent tingles down your spine and had your heart racing in your chest. A bundle of nerves and excitement bubbled deep in your stomach at just the thought of seeing him face to face for the first time, rather than just through a phone screen. Impatience threaded its way beneath your skin, the aching desire to be with Brooklyn ever present and all-consuming right from the moment he first suggested that the two of you spend the day together. He'd even taken the day off work so no meetings or business calls could come between your time together. Truly he planned for this to be the perfect first meeting, and no doubt the first of many more after the fact.

A knocking sounded from your front door, disrupting you from all thoughts of Brooklyn. Rising from your seat, you moved to answer it, hoping with all that resided within you that this was who you so desperately wished to see. Upon opening the door, you were greeted with a sight so surreal you thought for a moment this could be a dream. Brooklyn was stood before you, dark brown hair cast aglow in the early afternoon sun. He looked a vision in his somewhat formal attire. He wasn't wearing one of the many suits you'd seen in photos he'd posted from numerous meetings and business trips, but he certainly held his casualwear to a similar standard. In fact, he looked near decadent in his sage green shirt, slight purple accents embroidered into the material. His smile was devilish, fully aware of the breathtaking effect he had on you as he reciprocated the same awestruck gaze. Your eyes trailed down his form, basking in his presence, your attention struck the bouquet of flowers in his hand.

"It'd be remiss of me not to bring such a wondrous beauty such as yourself a bouquet of flowers," he announced, offering a gracious nod of the head as he presented you the flowers all while struggling to hold back his laughter.

"Oh, but of course," you replied as you took the floral offering. "But really, it's so good to see you."

Brooklyn's honeyed eyes met yours, practically sparkling under the daylight sun. A dazzling smile stretched upon his face as his hand gently found yours, raising it to press a soft kiss to your skin. "Please, the pleasure is all mine, my dear."

♡ tobias ♡

Tobias had teasingly suggested date ideas and proposed meetups since the early days when you first started talking. He loved that push and pull that quickly grew between you both, relishing in that playful energy you reciprocated with. So when he messaged one day out of the blue, his tone seeming different and perhaps a little awkward, it took you by surprise. Seeing him step out of that comfort zone of spirited banter and teasing was new, but how could you complain when he was so cute as he tentatively asked you to meet up. And this time it was all real. Naturally, you were quick to accept and enthusiastic to figure out exactly how you could go about meeting each other. At your excitable energy, Tobias teasingly asked if you thought this was a date, remarking at how cute the notion was. Of course, when you replied to tell him you'd been thinking of asking him on a date, Tobias instantly grew flustered. At least, that's what you gathered considering the way his teasing comments turned to single word messages. Remarking on his change of demeanour resulted in a swift change in topic, though before the two of you said your goodbyes, he'd softly admit that he cared a lot about you, and couldn't wait to finally see you.

When the day finally came, you were sat on a bench at a nearby park in the city. You'd planned to meet there before Tobias took you on his so-called 'expertly planned date'. He hadn't divulged what those plans were, of course, but he assured that this would be the best date you've ever been on. Glancing through your phone while you waited, there was an ongoing chat with the others, most of them leaving encouraging messages for you and Tobias' day together. Naturally, Milo commented that he was watching over in case Tobias tried anything to which Tobias remarked how Milo was such a dedicated fan that it was adorable. Quietly laughing to yourself, you didn't hear the approaching person walking behind you nor did you expect them to playfully poke at your sides. A gasp escaped your lips as you whirled around, fully prepared to shout at this stranger until your eyes landed on the familiar blonde hair that you'd seen so often talking with Tobias.

"I hate you for that but also I should've expected it. But also I'm mad at you," you commented, a slight pout forming on your face as Tobias laughed.

"Sorry, love, I saw an opportunity and had to take it," he replied as he gently poked the tip of your nose, swiftly avoiding the swat of your hand at the gesture. "Better get used to it anyway, plenty more where that came from."

"Oh how I can't wait for it," you remark, arms now folded over your chest as you lean away from his attempts to console you.

"Come on, we goin' on that date or what?"

[juviaafullbuster]

IN EVERY UNIVERSE

"JUVIAAAA"

He should have known. He should have seen it coming the moment he heard that blue cat call out her name. Of course nothing good would come from this. That stupid cat, exceed, whatever he is, was raised by Natsu after all.  But he didn't think much of it when he saw him flying towards Juvia, who was currently sitting with the other girls and landing in the middle of their table.

"Yes Happy?"

"Remember what I told you when we came back from Edolas?"

Happy was wiggling his tail excitedly, while trying to hold back from spilling the information immediately. After all, he lives for the drama. Juvia on the other hand was just looking at him, confusion written all over her face.

"Juvia isn't following.."

"You know, about the Juvia in Edolas and how the Gray there is obsessed with her.."

"Oh yes! Of course Juvia remembers that! The other Juvia is very lucky.."

"Yeah, and guess what? She got even luckier. Turns out they've got-"

"HAPPY!"

Gray had to stop him before he spilled too much. Why were they on the other side of the hall anyways? Juvia was always stuck to him whenever he came back from a mission. Why did she have to abandon him now of all times?

"What is it Gray? I'm busy delivering information."

"If you don't shut it that's the last information you'll ever deliver."

At that Happy visibly gulped. Gray was sure he was considering whether it was worth taking the risk. He probably still remembered the incident where Gray had declared him his enemy. Gray himself didn't remember much of what happened, just that it wasn't his proudest moment when he woke up half naked on an island surrounded by strangers. Now however, he was glad it had happened. At least that cat knew what he was dealing with and wouldn't dare to finish that sentence.

"Hey popsicle, are you threatening Happy?"

This just keeps getting better. Of course Natsu had to get involved as well. All he wanted was to enjoy being back home and spending some time with Juvia. And he wasn't doing either. Really, the last thing he needed was Natsu and his damn cat to ruin things for him.

"I don't threaten anyone unless necessary. So if you want to save him from trouble, tell your cat to back off."

"I'M AN EXCEED!"

"Like I care. Point is, shut up."

"HEY, DON'T TALK TO HAPPY LIKE THAT!"

"Stay out of it, flamebrain!"

"IF HAPPY IS INVOLVED, I'M INVOLVED."

"Whatever.."

He just needed to get to Juvia. There was no need to participate in the conversation with Natsu. Not that you could actually hold one. It would always end in a fight and if that idiot doesn't shut up soon, Gray was sure that this will be the case today as well. So he decided to be the bigger person and ignore Natsu, no matter how much he was provoked. However Natsu didn't get the message.

"What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're being weird lately. Happy noticed too, right Happy?"

"Aye!"

"I'm not being weird, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I think it's because he's jealous of you!"

"WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF NATSU?"

"He did tell me what happened.. is it because he has more woman than you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know, that snow woman. He had quite a lot on his side, you however just had-"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Like it wasn't bad enough that he was going to tell Juvia about their Edolas counterparts, she really didn't need to know about that whole woman in the depth of his heart thing.

"You're jealous of me?"

"Who's jealous of who?

"Gray is jealous of Natsu."

"Seriously?"

"NO!"

That's it. He's going to kill that cat. But first he'll have to deal with Natsu because he was costing him his nerves as well. So next thing he knew, they were throwing fists at each other until Erza forcefully stopped them.

"What is this about? Explain yourself before I pull out my sword."

"Grays being mean to Happy."

"That's because Happy is stupid! Probably got it from you.."

"SILENCE! Happy!"

"Yes?"

"Explain!"

"Well, Gray is being mean to me just because I wanted to tell Juvia about what we saw in Edolas. I don't see why he's so worked up over it, I mean I was just going to say that they're married."

"Who's married?"

"Gray and Juvia!"

Silence. The whole guild went silent. Well, except for Happys snickering. Gray could swear he felt his soul leave his body. He was certain he would never hear the end of it. After all, he could already feel the eyes on him.

"Gray and Juvia are married in Edolas?" It was Juvia who decided to break the awful silence. Happy nodded eagerly in response to her question.

More silence. Or as Gray would say, the calm before the storm.

"Is that true?" Juvia was looking at him with wide eyes. He knows her well enough by now to know exactly what was currently going on in her head. He could tell her imagination was going wild with wedding pictures. But she was clearly holding back from squealing, instead she kept staring at him, desperately waiting for an answer. Gray sighed.

"Yes.."

And then all hell broke loss. Mira was cornering him trying to find out as much as possible, while Cana kept adding her inappropriate comments. Elfman starting shouting something about marriage being manly, whatever that meant. By the time Gray had managed to escape from them Juvia was no longer in sight.

"Juvia?"

"She went outside, said she needed to cool down."  Lucy smirked proudly, making Gray fear her next sentence. "Good thing you're an ice wizard. Who else could cool her down?"

"Hilarious. I'm going outside."

"Of course you are."

Gray didn't bother reacting anymore. Instead he went to search for Juvia. The cold air outside hit him in the face. It wasn't until now that he realized how stuffy it was in there.

He distanced himself from the guild hall while keeping an eye out for his bluenette. He really had missed her during his mission and now that he was back, he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. After all, he had finally acknowledged his feelings for her and after seeing their counterparts in Edolas and that vision he had been trapped in, it just made him long for her more.

Those feelings still freaked him out somehow. He wasn't aware that he was capable of feeling this much for someone. But Juvia had really broken down every single one of his walls. And he was really grateful for that. She was the one who kept pulling him back whenever he was close to the edge. She's his power to live, even though having admitted that so bluntly in front of her still got him all embarrassed. And her teasing didn't help one bit.

"Juvia!" He spotted her on a bench near the lake. She seemed lost in thought. When she heard his voice however, she immediately spun around.

"Graysama! Juvia is sorry for leaving so abruptly.."

"Don't worry about that. Are you okay?"

He sat down next to her. Usually he would leave a space between them, not wanting to give her any ideas. But things changed. And now here he was, sitting as close to her as possible, longing for her touch. Juvia smiled at him.

"Juvia is very happy that you're back."

"I'm happy to be back too. I.." He cleared his throat and looked away shyly. "I missed you."

"Juvia missed you too. Juvia was wondering whether you were doing alright, if you manged to stay dressed and whether the others bothered to pick up the clothes you discarded.." she kept talking but Gray was too focused on her beauty, wondering how he'd gotten so lucky having someone like her in his life.

"I want what they have as well." Gray had blurted out the thought before he could realize it.

"What who has?" Juvia questioned him. He could go back on his word, pretend he never said it. But what's the point? He was just making himself suffer by prolonging it. And he had promised her to be clear with his intentions once he got back, not that he got to finish that promise before he was swept back to Elentir. Point is, it was time for him to be honest.

"I want what Edolas Gray and Juvia have.."

"You want.. you want to marry Juvia!?"

"What? No!"

"No?"

This wasn't going the way he wanted it all. Gray sighed.

"One day."

"One day?"

"Yes, one day I'm going to marry you. But I think it's still a little early for that. To be fair, our counterparts in Edolas are older.."

Juvia just kept looking at him in disbelief. He couldn't blame her. It wasn't exactly his style to be so open and honest. They didn't start dating yet and he was already talking about marriage. Juvia had really impacted him..

"Listen. I want to be with you. Like Edo Gray is with Edo Juvia, like Fairy Nail Glen is with Fairy Nail Juvina.. I want Earthland Gray to be with Earthland Juvia as well."

"What's Fairy Nail? And who is Juvina?"

"That's a long story.. point is I want to be with you. I'm sorry I'm not as clear with my intentions as the other me. But that doesn't mean I want you less than he wants his Juvia.."

By this point Gray was a blushing mess. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, too afraid to see her reaction. He had literally just run her over with emotions.

"Graysama doesn't have to be sorry."

"Huh?"

"For not being as clear with his feelings. I feel in love with this version of Gray, the Earthland version. Juvia wouldn't change a thing about you."

Gray smiled at her. She was truly too perfect. How did she always know what to say? She seemed so calm and collected while he was literally trying his best not to freak out.

"And Juvia would like that very much as well. Earthland Gray and Earthland Juvia being together.." she was looking at Gray sweetly and he couldn't help the smile that took over his face.

"I promise to be the best version of myself for you."

"You already are."

They smiled at each other and Gray tucked behind the hair that had fallen into her face. He found himself leaning closer and he saw Juvia doing the same. He had just closed his eyes, just a little away from finally kissing her after thinking about it for so long, when a voice interrupted them, making them jump apart.

"Gray loves Juvia!"

"Quiet Happy!

"They are so cute together."

"About time he made a move."

How had he not seen them hiding behind that bush. He'll admit Lucy, Wendy and Charles were hidden pretty well, but Natsus pink hair and Happys blue fur were visible to everyone. And Erza hadn't even bothered hiding. He must have been too focused on the girl in front of him to notice. Said girl was now blushing furiously.

"I'm going to kick their asses.."

"Juvia thinks it's sweet that they're so supportive of you. You have a great team."

"How are they a great team? They literally interrupted a very important moment."

"Juvia knows.. but Juvia is very happy already."

"So you don't want me to kiss you?"

"Juvia didn't say that!"

He was truly enjoying teasing her. So much, he was able to ignore his friends presence. So instead of letting them ruin their moment, he leaned in and finally, after so long, kissed her. It took her a moment to react, but once she did, Gray felt like the luckiest person in the universe. He was never going to let her go.

"Juvia loves you very much."

"And I love Juvia very much."

He kissed her again, already addicted. His friends were cheering, probably happy that he finally made a move. He couldn't blame them, it took him long enough.

"All that because I told her about Edolas Gray and Juvias marriage. Imagine what she'll do when she hears about Greige.."

"Who's Greige?"

"HAPPY!"

♡♡♡

Here you have it, my contribution to Gruvia day! I hope you like it, let me know what you think :)

Also, I'm still fangirling over the drawing we got today. Maybe I'll write something about that too one day..

Anyways, happy Gruvia day! ♡

[wrenqueenisboss]

DSMP Angsty Imagines - React to Your Death pt. 1 --- George

Part 1 to my series of “dsmp boys react to your death”:  Pronouns used: they/them (if mentioned) Warnings: cursing, death, grief, arguing, yelling, panic, weapons Words: 1.2+

The list: 

c!George - (you are currently on this post)  c!Bench Trio (platonic) - (coming soon!) c!Wilbur - (coming soon!) c!Dream - (coming soon!)  c!Technoblade - (coming soon!) 

George was finally done with the fighting. So much warfare, so much death and destruction. It was too much. Even his former best friends, Dream and Sapnap had been swept up into the chaos. Well, Dream had actually been the cause of a lot of the deaths. 

George Not-Found was done with the fighting, though. He wanted to keep you, the love of his life, safe. For so long, you had been begging him to move out of the SMP lands and live in the unoccupied lands outside of normal civilization. Your boyfriend hated the idea of leaving.

“All of my friends are here!” He’d protest. “George, all of your friends are either dead or criminals!” You couldn’t stop yourself from shouting back. It was true. Sapnap’s whereabouts remains ambiguous but Dream’s were well known. He had been locked in Pandora’s Vault. The notorious prison, made of mostly obsidian and Blackstone, was built with a seemingly immeasurable amount of traps. And yet, people still feared Dream’s escape.

George knew his former best friend was too far gone, but he hated it. He hated knowing the person he thought would be there through everything, was gone; had left for his own selfish gain.

Your shoulders slumped when you saw your boyfriend’s lip start to quiver. “George... I’m sorry. But I really do think we should move. It’s not safe here anymore.”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, we’ll move.”

That was three months ago. Now, the two of you were living happily alone in your cottage. The two of you built it together and it was perfect. It surely wasn’t the biggest or most impressive dwelling on the whole server, but it was charming and suited both of your needs quite nicely.

“George, my love, I’m going to collect berries for breakfast. I’ll be back soon,” you announced, collecting your gear. You walked over to where your - now fiancé - was napping on the couch.

You scoffed playfully at his sleeping form, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Grabbing a random pen and post-it note off the coffee table, you wrote a note. The note explained where you were going, why, and when you expected to be back.

“I love you, George. Sleep well.” You added at the bottom with a smile.

Basket for berries swinging on your arm, light cloak on your shoulders, you left your charming house to go collect breakfast. 

You did now realize that it would be the last time you’d see him.

Three hours later...

George Not-Found woke up with a start, tumbling ungracefully off the couch. Rubbing his elbow as he sat up, he looked around the house. It was empty. 

“Y/n? Love?” he called into the empty air. He looked around some more, standing up and walking around.

A note on the table caught his eye. Your handwriting was spread over the small piece of paper. The message scrawled gracefully. “I’ve gone out to gather berries for breakfast,” he read aloud. “I should be back in an hour.” His heart began to drop. “I love you, George. Sleep well.”

His grip on the note went slack and it fluttered to the ground like a leaf. George frantically whipped his head around to look at the clock. It had been three hours since he fell asleep, and you weren’t in the house. Something was wrong.

George grabbed his sword, goggles, and some extra health potions off of the shelf by the door.

But as he closed the front door, a dagger with a note pinned to it stuck into the wood of the door caught his eye. The dagger was familiar, a polished silver handle set with diamonds and emeralds. The handwriting was even more familiar. But it wasn’t yours. It was Dream’s.

He ripped the dagger out of the door to read the note.

“Hey, George.

As you might have guessed by now, Y/n is gone. I’ve taken them. You shouldn’t have betrayed me, George. You knew that wouldn’t end well. Meet with me at the ruins of the community house tonight. Or else.”

George was so shocked. He knew something was wrong, but he really hadn’t expected Dream to be the cause of it. He hadn’t even realized he was on Dream’’s hit list - or list of enemies - to begin with.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The night was dark as the moon was only half full as George waited for Dream. The ruins of the community house sat still behind him. You could still see the burn marks on the pieces of the house that hadn’t been destroyed.

He was running his hands over a burned piece of wood when a voice made him turn around.

“Hello, George.”

He whipped around. “Dream.” 

The man with the porcelain white mask visibly froze in surprise. He had never heard his former friend this serious before. Honestly, it was kind of terrifying. But the master manipulator pulled himself together.

“You seem thrilled to see me.”

But George wasn’t having it. He only wanted to know where Y/n was. Were they okay? Could he save them?

It was as if Dream could read his mind. 

“You want Y/n.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, a fact. Something so obvious it made no sense for Dream to say aloud.

“No shit,” George growled. “Where are they?”

The most wanted man on the server didn’t need to take off his mask for George to know he was smiling cruelly. His heart sank to his stomach, preparing for the worst. And the worst was what he got.

“They’re dead.”

Those two words, and everything seemed to stop. The world went quiet as George tried to take in the news. The words just didn’t seem to absorb into his brain. It made sense. What were you supposed to do upon hearing that the absolute love of your life had died? Just nod and move on with life? Hell no.

“Go, Dream.” George’s voice was hoarse, cracked with grief. 

Dream tried to say something, but he was cut off.

“Just fucking go.”

So Dream left and George was left to process his feelings amongst the ruins alone.

Tears finally began to fall. His knees buckled and he crashed to the ground, bent over on the ground. The torrent of emotions - anger, frustration, grief, emptiness - cascaded over him. 

He let out an earth-shattering scream. His throat burned but his sobs simply couldn’t carry the weight of his grief alone. 

Holding himself in a tight hug as he rocked back and forth, George came to terms with your death. 

You were gone. The love of his life was gone. Dead. Killed. Taken away from him. Your own life ripped away. And all because he hadn’t just agreed with you and moved away earlier, before the fighting and the wars got really bad. 

“I’m sorry, darling.” his voice was carried with the wind. So heartbreaking that even the sky began to cry. The raindrops fell softly, as if they were keeping a vigil.

“You were right. We should have moved earlier. I should have listened. But I didn’t, and now you’re dead.”

He was cut off by his own sob, a wretched sound that echoed slightly off of the burned ruins of the community house.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” He took a shaky breath. “I love you.”

[jaehyunfirstlove]

It’s your birthday, make a wish...

Happy birthday to me! Here have some self-indulgent smut (yes it’s inspired by the english version and yes I will be listening to it all day lol)

Genre: smut (18+ only please)

Warnings: oral sex (f receiving), dirty talk, food play, fingering

It was the first birthday you were celebrating with your new boyfriend, Jaehyun, and you honestly didn’t know what to expect. You woke up that morning to see he’d left early, with a cryptic post-it on his pillow that just said wait for it. The doorbell rang then, which made you jump.

When you answered the door there was a package on your doorstep, with no return address. You looked around but there was no delivery-person or vehicle around, and the street was quiet. You brought the package inside and opened it, and gasped at what you saw. The most exquisite cashmere throw blanket lay wrapped in delicate tissue, a note tucked into the folds.

I know you like soft things, and that you get cold when we sit on the couch and watch movies

Happy birthday, love, xxx

You wanted to cry, but at the same time you were shocked at the extravagance. You picked up your phone to call your boyfriend, hoping he wasn’t too busy, but sure enough he answered on the first ring.

“Hey baby, happy birthday!” he sounded upbeat but out of breath, obviously on the way somewhere.

“Hey babe, thanks so much for the present-” you started, but he interrupted you with a joyous yelp.

“Yes! You got it! How do you like it? Do you love it?” he was so excited that you felt bad you were about to chastise him for spending too much money.

“Of course I love it, but don’t you think it’s too much?” you said as gently as possible.

“Nope,” he said simply, “And if you think that’s bad, you’ll hate me because there’s more on the way.”

You were about to protest when he suddenly said he had to go, but not before ending the call by saying “your real present is coming when I get home” in the most mischievous voice.

Over the next few hours he was true to his word, with more presents arriving at your doorstep, every one more extravagant than the one before it. After every one you tried to call him but he never answered, so you sent messages which were also left unanswered.

You loved him but you wanted to kill him, and by the time he came home your emotions were so mixed up you didn’t know whether to get mad or throw your arms around him.

“Honey, I’m home!” he yelled from the front door, so you got up from the floor of the living room where you had been sitting in a daze, surrounded by expensive presents, discarded wrapping paper and ribbons.

You faced him with your hands on your hips, but he was standing there with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers in one hand, and a cake from your favorite bakery in the other, the widest smile on his face. There was no way you could stay mad.

“Goddammit,” you swore under your breath. Those dimples just had to make an appearance and you were putty in his hands.

He just threw his head back and laughed, he knew exactly what an effect he had on you and had no shame in exploiting it. You sighed in defeat and took the flowers from his hands to put in water, and you were about to take the cake but he stopped you.

“I have different plans for this cake,” he said with a wink, “meet me in the bedroom.”

You went to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, wondering why he had brought the cake to the bedroom. You weren’t prepared for what you saw when you walked in. The room was dim, the cake in the middle of the bed with the candles lit, flower petals littering the bed around it. Jaehyun was standing by the bed with the most satisfied look on his face.

“Oh my god,” was all you could say, your hand going to your mouth. “Are we seriously eating on the bed?”

He only smirked and motioned for you to come to him. “You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”

You still weren’t sure what he was up to until he took a swipe of the icing from the cake and smeared it on your neck.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered, before licking the icing off your neck, and then sucking on the spot where it had been. Your knees buckled and you gasped, completely unprepared for his assault on your sweet spot. He caught you handily and lay you back on the bed, careful not to squish the cake.

“You better blow out the candles before they set the bed on fire,” he said, in between kisses down the column of your neck. Your mind was already in a haze, his tongue on your skin setting your body on fire, but you managed to turn your head to blow the candles out.

“Did you make a wish?” he asked, his hands moving down your body, trailing kisses as he went.

“Y-yes,” you managed to squeak out, as he got to your waist and toyed with the button of your jeans.

“I hope it comes true,” he said sincerely, sitting up on his heels to pull your jeans and panties off.

You bit your lip as you watched your boyfriend hover above you, staring at you with hooded eyes, lips flushed from kissing your body. Your wish had already come true when you met him.

He licked his lips and took another swipe of the cake with his fingers, painting the inside of your thighs with it. You jolted slightly at the coldness of it, but then he swept in with his tongue and licked it off, first one side, then the other.

“Mm, so sweet,” he said in a low voice, the rumble of it so close to your core you were sure you were already wet.

“Jae-” you gasped, as he got closer and closer, each time taking a swipe of icing and painting your skin with it, as if he were marking a trail to your core.

“You taste so good,” he rasped, as he sucked the icing off your skin, but finally he was there, his hot breath on you, and your knees shook in anticipation.

He didn’t give a warning, just his tongue swiping obscenely up your slit, forcing you to arch your back and grip the sheets, your knees automatically closing in to cage him. He grabbed a hold of your thighs and forced them apart, opening you up to him further. He licked and sucked and you thrashed like you were in pain but in reality, it was the most insane form of pleasure you could ever experience.

You couldn’t stop moaning as he went on, fairly certain you’d lose your voice by the end of the night, but he wasn’t letting up. He groaned as he licked, and you were always thankful for how vocal he was as he ate you out, the combination of his tongue on you and the rumble of his deep voice sending you into a euphoric bliss.

You lost track of how many orgasms you’d had, but then his lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked rather harshly, and you thought you would pass out. He slipped two fingers deeply into you then, hitting your spot over and over again and you came hard, stars exploding behind your eyes.

You tangled your fingers in his hair as you came down from your high, as he planted soft kisses on your overheated skin. He finally smiled up at you, and you blushed to see your juices coating his lips and chin.

“That’s just the beginning,” he said with a sly smile, “we still have a lot of cake left.”

[joestarwhore]

NSFW Yandere Josuke (18+) x Female reader

his little darling managed to escape her obsessive and derange boyfriend house while he was gone.

She trys to get help and does but the good samaritan is Jotaro who leads her back to Josuke thinking she was over reacting.

Josuke angry she escape he takes her back home and has idea to keep her safe and home by finally putting a ring on her

Like The Ocean Finds The Shore (NSFW 18+)

Authors Note: 18+ ONLY. if you’re a minor please find another blog, this writings and scripts are not written for your audience. thank you bb!

You didn’t know what made it worse. The tears in your eyes? Or maybe it was the pouring rain in the pitch black night; never the less, you were barely able to make out where you were, much less which direction you were going. The muscles in your body screamed for relief, the gashes angrily stinging against the rain, pushing you to run far, far away from the house that became your personal Hell.

Anywhere was better than being with him.

Your legs burned as you pushed yourself down the hill, gaining as much distance as you could away from Josuke. You couldn’t help to think of the events that led to this; gaining a stand from Keijo, meeting Koichi in odd circumstances, all the tiny little interactions that led to you accidentally tripping over a brick. Right into Josuke’s unmoving backside.

The thunder was incredibly deafening, lighting up the city of Morioh below you. You didn’t know if Josuke had discovered your absence yet, but you knew you had to be far away from him when he did. You knew it was just a matter of time.

Suddenly the grass became concrete, and concrete became asphalt. Relief flooded through you as you realized that you had finally made it into city limits. You looked around for any sign of safety you could take, your sights finally landing on the Grand Morioh Hotel.

‘Oh my god, Jotaro!’ You started sprinting towards the doors, bypassing any on looker or someone saying any comment to you, all you cared about was finding the receptionist and finding Jotaro. You ran down the hall to the Plaza, seeing the nice attendant lady who always seemed to be the one working for the desk. As soon as she saw you approach, her smile went from one of welcome to a grimace of worry. “Oh my word sweetie, are you okay?? Do you need any help??”

You leaned on the desk for a second to catch your breath. “Actually.. yes there is something.. you could do..”, you took a deep breath, “can you tell me what room Jotaro Kujo is in? We’re related & we have a family member in the hospital and it’s imperative that I fill him in on what’s going on.” Not the best lie you’ve ever told but at this point, you couldn’t afford to be precise. The desk attendant nodded with assured hums, “Yes honey of course, give me just one second.”

You breathed in relief. Thank God. Josuke definitely knew by now that you were gone, & would absolutely be searching for you. Finding Jotaro gave you a little hope for safety but even still; Josuke was relentless.

“Okay darlin, 8th floor, 6th suite, it’ll be the one at the very end!!” Relief swept over you as you quickly expressed your thanks, sprinting up the stairs towards your destination. ‘This is utterly insane’ you thought to yourself; you were running from your deranged boyfriend to his nephew that’s a decade older than he is. Your clothes were torn, wet, your skin was bruised and bleeding out, a state of being you weren’t familiar with.

The raw emotion you felt as you reach Jotaro’s door can only be described as a broken hallelujah. You banged on his door as hard as you can, not stopping until Jotaros towering frame swung the door open.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here?” His stone cold expression seemed to always be unwavering, but at the sight of you his eyes betrayed him. “What the hell happened to you?” You tried to speak, but no words came out, simply emotion ridden gasps between sobs. Jotaro took your arm and led you in, showing you to a seat by the fireplace & brought you a hot mug of coffee. You gave him a grateful look as you took the cup, Jotaro taking the seat in front of you with a first aid kit. “What happened to you?? Is this from an enemy stand user?”

You couldn’t help but give a lifeless giggle. Certainly felt like it, didn’t it?

Jotaro let you sit in silence for a second while he cleaned the wounds gracing your arms & face, carefully watching your facial expression for any sign of emotion, anything to hint at what might be going on. You didn’t even know where to start in explaining it, or even a way to explain how this happened.

Jotaro took your chin in his hand and turned your face towards his. “(Y/N), who did this to you?” The concern in his eyes made you feel the most cared about you’ve been in months. If you could tell anyone, it’d be Jotaro.. right?”

“It.. it’s Josuke.. When we started dating he was so good to me, he was charming & caring, he’d take time out of his day to spend time with me & would make sure i felt his love; but his actions just.. escalated. He was everywhere. He would text me throughout the day about what i was doing, saying certain comments about my outfits or what stores i was in, he ALWAYS knew.” Jotaro listened intently as he wrapped your forearm in gauze, giving you a nod it was okay to keep proceeding with what you were saying. “All of a sudden one day my land lord calls me to let me know that I was being evicted out of nowhere and i had 24 hours to leave. The same day, Josuke signed the deed to his Mom’s house & told me I could live with him. I just thought it was a crazy coincidence, I didn’t think Josuke would actually ever get me evicted. Then i found my land lords phone number in his pocket book. When I asked him about it he pretended like he didn’t know, and when i kept asking he..” The memory of him holding you against the wall, his knee putting pressure onto your slit, made you visibly cringe. The way he touched you.. it was so possessive, so needy, his eyes portraying one visible message. ‘I own you.’

Jotaro closed the first aid kit & put it under the seat he was at, a pack of pills in his hand. Jotaro silently put the two pills in your hand & got you a glass of water. “I’m sorry you’re going through this & I’m sorry you’ve been hurt so badly. The pills are a sleeping pill & a pain relief supplement, take those and you can sleep in my bed. I’ll handle everything in the morning.” You looked at the two white pills in your hand & threw them to the back of your throat, quickly chasing them with the glass of water he gave you. Jotaro gave you a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt, and helped you lay in the bed. “Goodnight, (Y/N). I’ll see you in the morning.”

You don’t remember anything past that.

__________________________________

When you woke in the morning, you were blinded by direct sunlight. You squinted your eyes as tight as you could, noticing that you were being held up my two arms that were walking at a brisk pace. Gently adjusting your eyes to open, you looked up to see Jotaro, a determined glare in his eyes.

“J..Jotaro where are we?” you whispered the best you could manage. Jotaro gave you a glance down before returning his eyes to the path.

“I called Josuke.”, Your heart drops into your stomach. He wouldn’t.. he couldn’t.. “He says you lost your apartment because your anti psychotics put you out of a job, & he had your landlords number to pay your moving out fees for you.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “No, no no no Jotaro that’s a lie, i’m not on anti-psychotics, I don’t have any sort of med like that, he’s fucking lying to you!!”

Jotaro gave you an expectant look. “That’s the other thing Josuke said. You’ve been flushing them down the drain instead of taking them like you’re supposed to. Josuke only wants to take care of you, (Y/N). There’s nothing to fear of him.”

“JOTARO, I HAVE NEVER TAKEN THOSE PILLS IN MY LIFE AND YOU FUCKING KNOW”- You saw a giant purple hand come over your face and cover your mouth, restraining you from saying anymore. “I’m sorry (Y/N), but this is what’s best for you.”

You heard a door in the distance open, and Jotaro looking up and locking eyes with someone. The voice you heard next made your spine freeze, and dread pierce your soul.

“Jotaro!! Thank you SO much for bringing (Y/N) back!!”

No.. Not again..

“Not a problem Josuke, i’d rather have assurance of (Y/N)‘s safety myself then just send her back here on a bus.”

You slowly looked over, finally catching sight of your boyfriend. His tall, muscular form loomed dangerously in the door way of his house, his pompadour reminding you of so many events, so many violations of your body..

God its sick that it was making you wet.

Jotaro set you on your feet in front of josuke, letting Star Platinums hand uncover your mouth.

You couldn’t look at him.

Josukes hand ran through your hair, “(Y/N) is all okay now that she’s here with me.” He put his other hand under your chin, lifting to meet you eye to eye. It was everything you remembered. Lust, anger, relief, and above all else: obsession.

Jotaro and Josuke bid their farewells. Hands on your hips steered you into the living room, Josuke gently closing the door behind you. You could feel his eyes bore into the back of your skull, your mind erratic with anxiety. God, what’s he gonna do??

“Y’know, you didnt have to run away. You didn’t have to leave me. You didn’t have to be SO FUCKING UNGRATEFUL.” Josuke threw a chair at the wall in front of you, the force of it making you fall backwards onto your back. You gasped as your back collided with the floor, seeing Josukes towering frame turning towards you. He kneels down straddling you, the obsession of his eyes terrifying as he wrapped his long fingers around your throat. Adrenaline went straight between your legs.

“I do everything for you, (Y/N). I house you. I feed you. I FUCKING TAKE CARE OF YOU.” Josuke ripped apart your shirt, shoving his knee on your hot slit, making you gasp in surprise. Josukes delicate features possess a hunger that you remember all too well. “I also make you feel good don’t i??” He removed one of his hands from your throat to attack your nipple with, making you arch your back & moan. Josuke bit his lip in ecstasy as he shoved his middle finger down your slit, swirling it around in your hot heat. Josukes mouth rested against your temple as you gasped in pleasure, sickly wanting him to just take you then & there.

Josuke slowed down his finger, gently massaging your clit at a comfortable pace. “I’m sorry if it was because you felt unloved. If that’s the case, I really promise to be better. Because you can’t leave me, (Y/N). You’re mine, my little princess, my sweet baby girl,” His fingers started to assault you again. You heard a zipper get tugged town, and Josukes hips sweetly grind against yours. “My little fucking slut.”

You started to panic as you felt the tip of his rock hard cock press against your heat, your adrenaline skyrocketing. He’s delirious. “JoJo honey please, d-dont make me do this i’m so fucking sc-“

Josukes hand slapped your cheek, making you yelp in pain, quickly resulting in your moth being covered once again. “No, you don’t get a say. You were a bad girl, baby. And bad girls-“

Your scream was strained as he bottomed out his 8 inch cock inside you. “-they get punished.”

Josuke rammed inside of you, yourself being pummeled into the floor as he chanted “Mine, mine, mine, -FUCK-, MINE!!” His dick assaults your G-Spot as you felt an orgasm start to build in your stomach.

“Are you gonna cum baby? Does my little fuckinf slut want to cum??” Josuke slapped your clit. “TELL ME WHO OWNS YOU.”

Pleasure overruled the mine on this one. “It’s you baby! It’s always been you and it always will, I promise I’ll never leave you again just-“ you squealed as you felt your build up about to break. “PLEASE LET ME CUM JOSUKE PLEASE!!”

“Uggh FUCK, cum on my fucking cock (Y/N) show me who OWNS you.” Josukes duet of lust and rage amplified as you exploded all over him, your moans and screams sounding like siren calls to himself. Josuke rutted into you, filling you to the brim with himself. He laid himself by you, wrapping his arms around your overstimulated frame. You laid there for a couple of minutes trying to catch your breath, your heart rate soaring. You could hear Josukes soft giggles beside you as you felt a hand caress your cheek. You looked him into his eyes, seeing the unconditional love and obsession. The never ending love and obsession.

Josuke sweetly kisses your cheek, holding you in his arms as he gently picks up your left hand. You felt a cold circle of metal grace your ring finger, slipping on perfectly. Fear gripped your heart as you realized what it was.

“My pretty baby.. my gorgeous doll,” Josuke rolled ontop of you and held your face in his hands. “This will make sure we’re always together. You & me, husband and wife!! My perfect, beautiful, fuckable wife..”

Tears started to slide down your face.

So, this was defeat.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), will you be my wife?”

You looked at the alabaster ceiling. This wasn’t possible for you. This couldn’t be happening. But you knew it was.

“Yes.. Josuke. I’ll marry you.”

Josuke gleamed as he smothered you with kisses and sweet nothings, giving you gentle touches as his lips grazed over your ears to say the only thing that comes out of his mouth: poison.

“I’ll always find you, baby doll.”

“Like the ocean meets the shore- I will always find you.”

——————————-

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT & KEEP REQUESTING ALL YALL WANT!! TYSM!! 🤍🌿✨🌸👄🍌🌩

[just-benni]

i don’t wanna be okay without you

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

summary: Y/N gets an undeniable job offer that Bucky wants her to take. But if she accepts, it will mean long distance for them.

warning: angst, bit of fluff, mentions of sex

An offer of a lifetime, and everyone was calling her crazy for considering any option other than accepting it. The job, although a temporary one, it consisted of everything one would want in a job. The pay was good, the other benefits, and above all, it was Y/N’s dream career. If she were to take it, it would give her beneficial experience and overall good exposure. There was just one thing making this offer too good to be true and it held her back from making a final decision.

Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted when Bucky set the car in park. She didn’t allow him to open the door for her like he usually would. Tonight, the two of them were not on good terms. They were both out to dinner with her parents when her father brought up the job offer. Bucky was kind enough to step in and talk to Y/N’s father about it, seeing that she were uncomfortable. Y/N decided to speak up eventually, the comment she made insinuating that she didn’t want the job offer. From there it went down hill. Bucky and Y/N’s father both had the same expression of shock, showing off the creases in their foreheads.

Her mother, however, swiftly changed the conversation and to Y/N’s relief, the job offer was not brought up again. That changed the moment she walked away from saying goodbye to her parents, Bucky had bombarded her with questions. Eventually, she snapped at him and the rest of the ride was filled with silence or Y/N commanding Bucky to slow the vehicle down. The silence remained between the two all the way up to their shared apartment.

It wasn’t until she stepped through the door that Y/N finally spoke, “I don’t wanna talk about it. Tomorrow maybe but not now, not tonight.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” she could see from the corner of her eye, Bucky shaking his head as he shrugged off his coat. “You realize that, right?”

He seemed almost disappointed in the hesitation. Y/N hadn’t recognize how much Bucky really wanted this for her. She wondered if that opinion of his would change after he knew the entirety of it; the reason that was holding her back from saying yes.

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it. Please.”

“We’re talking about it tomorrow.” His voice was husk, evident that he was still angry. Regardless, Bucky laid a kiss on her head. It was a forceful peck that made her flinch, not going unnoticed by him but he let it go.

He stomped his way down the hall into bathroom to take his shower. Y/N didn’t even wait to hear the click of the door to break down silently. She stayed upright, leaning against the wall, and forced her way to the other end of the apartment knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold back the sobs. She felt like she were already losing him.

It didn’t take her long to get those tears out of her system. By the time she gathered herself, she had taken off her makeup and changed into some pajamas, waiting patiently for Bucky. From how long he was taking, she could tell he was shaving. She feared that the longer she waited the more likely she would be to get in her head and back out from telling him.

He stood for a few moments in the doorway when he finally entered the room. He examined her head to toe, waiting for the right words to come to him. His face had that look telling Y/N he was sorry. She nodded, and patted his side of the bed all while managing to keep her voice from shaking, “Will you come sit?”

“Were you crying?” He discarded his dirty clothes into the hamper, slowly shifting his way over to Y/N.

“Why don’t you come sit.” He hesitated a bit, sat down on the bed. Not to the spot she suggested but instead to the edge of mattress on her side of the bed. Without hesitation, Bucky took Y/N’s hand and gave it an affirmative squeeze; the sincere gesture only made Y/N want to break down into tears again. 

“What’s goin’ on, Y/N?” His question lingered with concern. “Seriously, you’ve got to tell me so I can help you.”

She wiped a tear and looked to the comforter. Anywhere but his eyes, she couldn’t handle his piercing blue eyes. They weren’t approachable at a time like this. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“What is it?”

“Everything I told you about the job offer is true but the part I left out is that it’s located out of the country.”

“Oh.” His mouth dropped open and it was like he’d forgotten every word in the English language.

“If I say yes, they’ll send me out to London.”

“London, as in, England?”

“Yes.”

“You knew this whole time and you haven’t told me?” She sighed. “I’m not mad, Y/N. But something as important as that, it would’ve been nice to know sooner.”

“If I told you sooner, we would’ve had this conversation sooner. I know it was selfish and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I wasn’t ready to talk about it with you just yet,” her voice couldn’t go any higher than a whisper. “That’s why I’ve been putting up this front the past few days. I don’t wanna take it.”

“No, it’s okay Y/N. This opportunity, you have to take it.”

“I can’t, Buck.” She finally looked him in the eye, shaking her head. Her voice cracked and tears flooded her eyes. “I can’t do it. I don’t want to be away from you.”

“It’s okay.” Bucky repeated it again and again while comforting her. He kissed her head and pulled her into his lap, holding her close and letting her cry into his shoulder. The thought of being away from Bucky kept the streams of tears going. Other negative thoughts trailed in eventually but she was so drained of energy and finding that she was out of tears. 

Y/N managed to rest her eyes and catch her breath from the breakdown she just had. What was only supposed to be a few moments turned into her accidentally falling asleep, still being held in Bucky’s lap. She felt him trying to move careful and slow when setting her to lay down. Half awake, she clutched his arm and stirred awake.

“You alright?” He swept a chunk of hair out of her face to tuck behind her ear. Bucky went to retract his hand but Y/N moved it to her cheek. “Want something to drink?”

“Not really. I just want you.”

“London, huh? It’s a good thing you’re a tea-over-coffee kinda person.” Bucky lips curled upward but he was only putting on a face to send some sort of approval her way. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Their mouths met in a chaste kiss, then Bucky giving her another short one for good measure. He walked to his side of the bed and got under the covers. Both of them were now turned at their side, facing each other.

“I know you’re trying to lift my spirits but it’s not as great as you’re making it out to be. No life without you is a good one, I know that much.”

“It’s been a long day, Y/N. I need to process this and you need rest, desperately.”

“Tell me how you really feel. Because if you love me as much as you say you do then that means you must be hurting too.”

Bucky sighed, lying on his back now. He tried forcing himself further into the mattress, finding it impossible to get comfortable. “I’m feeling a lot of things.”

“You’re good at hiding it.” And she absolutely despised him for it sometimes.

“Tomorrow, Y/N.” She found his hand under the blanket and just kept it laid over his as they both drifted into sleep.

[morning, the next day]

Y/N woke up from a peaceful slumber which surprised her because of how emotional she was the previous night. Because she still hadn’t talked to Bucky about what he thinks, it left her final moments awake anxious filled.

She looked over to her side and relief washed over her, seeing Bucky asleep. Y/N weighing out the likelihood of going to London, she wanted to do one of her favorite things to do with Bucky: to lay in bed and cuddle, forgetting about commitments or how much time has passed. And a plus side, sometimes—majority of the time—cuddling led to some great morning sex.

She lightly kissed along his bicep, his chest, his neck, jaw, all along his face, and by then he’d stirred awake so she laid a quick kiss to his lips to finish it off.

“I’m surprised you’re not up before me.”

“It was hard to fall asleep last night.”

Y/N winced, feeling bad. “In that case, I shouldn’t have woken you. Sorry.” 

“You just wanna use me for cuddles, I assume?” Bucky could feel the vibration of her chuckle. It was a relief to hear her laugh. It was a drastic difference from the distraught state she was in last night.

Y/N draped one of her legs shamelessly over one of his. Her head fell onto his shoulder, just above his chest. They fit perfect against each other, part of the reason she loved it so much. And Bucky secretly loved it, no matter how much he acted like he didn’t want her affection. 

“You feeling okay?” He asked after nearly falling back asleep.

“Um, yeah. Better than last night.” She aimlessly drew shapes on his stomach and tracing over his prominent muscles.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking of how I won’t get to wake up next to you or be able to hug and kiss you.” After some silence she continued, “If we go long distance, it won’t work Bucky.”

“Don’t say that,” he scolded. “Why would you say something like that?”

“We have to be honest with ourselves.”

“It’s okay to have doubts but I’m willing to at least try, and so should you. Yes, it’ll be challenging. But you really think it’ll break us apart?”

“What then? Messages and FaceTime calls aren’t going to be enough. What if one day you decide you don’t love me anymore? All I want is for you to be happy.”

“You do make me happy. You.”

“You deserve someone who can give you their all, from here in New York, not from thousands of miles away.”

“Don’t say that, I’m—you’re it for me.”

“I don’t wanna go.” She didn’t intend to sound as whiny as she did. Bucky was ticked off by the conversation, separating from Y/N to begin his day.

“Why don’t I come with you?”

“And let your business with Steve plummet to the ground? No.”

“He would understand.”

“You’re not wrong about that but regardless, he needs you.”

“Then I’m gonna visit any chance I get. We’re gonna work this out.” Her mind instantly translate that out to, you’re going to London. “I’m making breakfast.”

Y/N remained in bed and browsed a number of apps on her phone for a few minutes until she finally decided it was time to join Bucky. She shuffled into the kitchen and sat at one of the barstools as Bucky was in the early stages of cooking something up. Breakfast was a specialty of his. 

She didn’t know how to start up the conversation, which was ridiculous considering it was Bucky. It was rare that she felt this sort of discomfort in Bucky’s presence, but he took it upon himself to ask, “How come you didn’t tell me sooner? About London.”

“You already asked me this.”

“Well I’m asking you again.”

“Part of me didn’t want you to know. I thought about not telling you even at all.” She thanked Bucky when he handed her a cup of coffee. Continuing, “I knew if you knew, you’d force me to go and I just don’t wanna be away from you.”

“It’s just 18 months Y/N, it won’t be forever.”

“Seems like forever. Like I’m gonna miss out on so much.” Y/N forced herself not to think about it, tired of all the emotions and tears. She sighed, “18 months.”

“Well if you think about it, the lease for this apartment is up in nine months.”

Y/N shot a questionable look his way. “I don’t think I see where you’re going with this.”

“I’ll renew the lease or have something worked out. That way, by the time you get back, we can figure out where we want to live and we find a house. That was the plan all along, no? It just might have to be delayed, that’s all.”

“Initially, the plan was to live with each other for 12 months and come out without killing or injuring each other.” Y/N wore a mischievous grin on her face. “Remember that conversation?”

“You hated me for a while.” Bucky laughed to himself. “It’s safe to say we’re compatible though, no? You haven’t killed me thus far. And you’re bareable to live with, long term. Maybe we can get a house that comes with a working dishwasher.”

“Ooh, yes.”

It was a no brainer they would end up together. Bucky would be the one she married and grew a life together with. Even their friends have complimented how well they fit one another.

Bucky stared at her with a prideful grin, making Y/N grow timid like she used to when they first started dating. “What?” She asked through laughter. “What are you up to?”

“You’re gonna do great in London.”

“But what if-“

Bucky read her so well, already on his way to be at her side and comfort her. “Don’t ‘what if’, I told you, you’re it for me, okay? Whatever you think—that I might fall out of love with you—it’s not gonna happen.”

Finally, relief hit her. Bucky has proven himself over again, it was no doubt that he was in it for the long run erasing over all her doubts. Y/N got choked up from his words and the intensity of his gaze. “I was really wrong about you.”

“In what way?” He slyly maneuvered her out of the chair and placed her to stand on her feet. Bucky tangled his arms around her to rest at her lower back.

“I thought maybe you’d be upset that I got offered to go to London. But I think you’re more supportive now than you ever were before. I kinda hate you for it because that means I’m going to London.”

“You’re going to London,” he repeated following a sigh, burying his head into her neck.

“Are you sad?”

“I don’t wanna think about it.”

“M’sorry, Buck.”

“I wish I could come with you.”

“No you don’t,” she teased. “You are such a New York boy. I can’t imagine you living anywhere else but here.”

They both laughed, Bucky pulling away. “You’re probably right.”

“New York pizza and the people, your people.” Silence broke out and when neither could muster a response, they opted out for a hug. She curled her fingers through his hair. “You’re not gonna need me?”

“I’ll always need you. Definitely.”

“Definitely? Oh, good.”

“But I’ll manage through video-phone calls.” Bucky specifically backed away to see her expression.

Y/N facepalmed, shaking her head a bit. “It’s called FaceTime, Buck.”

“Whatever. I’ll send you letters if I have to.”

“You really think we can do long distance?”

“I’m not losing you and I’m gonna put my all into this to make us work. Just 18 months and I’m yours again.”

“What do you have in mind? How are we going to make this work?”

“Well I assume you’ll be coming back for holidays so there’s that. I’m for sure going to London for your birthday, maybe mine too. Then throw in a few spontaneous visits here and there. It’s only a five hour difference so I’m up by 6AM usually, that means it’s 11AM over there and I can spend my time getting ready and making breakfast talking to you, if you’re not busy. Or by the time I’m out of work it’s about midnight over there. Oh! We have to get you those power adapters—“

“You’re it for me too.” Y/N leaned in, closing the space between them. “I love you.”

“I love you more. Come here,” Bucky raised her in his arms, setting her to sit on the counter. “You believe me when I tell you we can make this work?”

“I do.”

Bucky felt his heart squeeze, hoping to hear those words again one day.

He stood in between her legs with his hands reaching under her shirt, doing more wandering than they probably should have been. “It’s not gonna be easy or perfect in any way but I would rather us take up the challenge than for you to give up your dream because of me. I would never forgive myself if I let you stay here and waste your potential.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love.” He horribly mimicked a British accent. The couple physically cringed at it which quickly translated into laughter.

“Might wanna stick to cooking.”

After that lighthearted moment, Bucky went back to making breakfast as she shuffled through yesterday’s mail. Then it occurred to Y/N. “Bucky?”

“Yes, love?”

“What about sex?” Bucky drops his spatula to the floor, the plastic clanking against the tile.

His eyebrows raised and from the reaction he gave off, she burst out laughing. Bucky laughed along with her and replied with a sarcastic remark. “On second thought, I don’t think London is a good fit for you.”

“Bucky!” She yelped when Bucky lifted her up, forcing her against the closest wall. “What are you doing?”

“You’re going to London so it’s only logical that I start makin’ love to you now.” He said against her neck, lightly sucking at the skin there. “Give you something to remember me by.”

The moment was interrupted by the alarm of the oven and his stomach gurgling. She cupped his face in both of her hands. “Sounds like a plan for today but food first.”

“Yes ma’am.” He kissed her sweetly, “Looking forward to it.”

[x0401x]

Violet Evergarden Movie Summary

The initial plan was to make this a short bullet-point thing, but I felt like there was too much to clarify and I had no choice but use novel references to explain certain parts, so I decided to just write a normal summary. Many thanks before-hand to my friend Yuuki, who gave me all this info.

Apologies for taking relatively long with this thing. Not even I expected that I would end up writing this much. Buckle up for the ride, ‘cause it won’t be fun.

Nope, not kidding. It really won’t.

First thing I need to make clear is: this movie is one and a half hour long and divided into three parts and two different timelines: the times when Violet existed and the times after she dies. Already in the beginning of the movie, Violet is dead.

Yes, you read this right. She’s dead.

Now, I don’t mean that she’s dead in the literal sense. This is 60 years in the future. She might be alive or not, but it’s never said. However, the timeline of 60 years later is considered an era without Violet, apparently because she has retired and her “legend” is over, so to say. It’s also a time where Auto-Memories Dolls don’t exist. That’s one good punch in the face. Let’s keep counting.

The movie is sort of like a tale being read by someone else, which at some point goes into Violet’s first-person POV. The whole thing is kind of a look back on Violet’s life tragectory and how it took a new turn when she decided to continue looking for Gil despite all the mess of the TV series.

The era where Violet exists is an era where telephones are being introduced to the people, so Auto-Memories Dolls are starting to become unnecessary. I would argue that the creation of the telephone isn’t enough for an entire occupation to start disappearing so quickly, since new inventions are normally extremely expensive and not everyone has access to them (or even knows about their existence) so immediately after their conception. Realistically speaking, ghostwriters would still be important as long as there were still so many people unable to buy phones. Not to mention that this is a steampunk world where compulsory education doesn’t seem to be a thing yet, so even in the off chance that everybody can buy a phone, there would still be a lot of people who can’t read or write on their own. But all of this clearly went over the animators’ heads, so not only ghostwriters but also the mail business in general are nearing their doom in the movie.

The one looking back on Violet’s life was Ann, who was telling it all to her granddaughter, Daisy (who, by the way, is voiced by Morohoshi Sumire, the same girl who voiced the seven-year-old Ann). Ann had kept all the letters that Violet ghostwrote for her mother, as well as the newspapers about the CH Postal Company. Looks like the article was printed after Violet left CH, since she isn’t in the picture with everyone else.

In this era, CH’s main office has been turned into a museum. Nerine is shown working in it. Of course, she’s a grandma by then. Speaking of the CH personnel, Erica also quit being an Auto-Memories Doll and became a playwright like Oscar. She appears in the newspaper, though, so she probably a while left after Violet did. Taylor also appears there.

Back to Daisy, she was writing a letter to her parents, in order to learn how to properly convey feelings with written word. The message of this scene seems to be that, no matter the tools, what’s important is that we convey our feelings to the people we love.

As we see in the trailer, Gil’s mom has passed and Violet runs into Dietfried when visiting her grave on the anniversary of her death. To anyone who is wondering: yeah, Gil never went to see his mother and she died thinking that he was dead.

Nobody knew that Gil was alive. Not his mother, not Dietfried, not the Evergardens and not even Hodgins. No one.

Here’s what happened to Gil in the anime: he survived the incident at Intense, of course, but got separated from Violet in that explosion. His tag miraculously stayed on the same spot, though, as we saw in the TV series. Now, since this isn’t explained in the anime at all, I have to make it clear: the tag is that necklace the soldiers wear. It contains their names and ranks, so that their bodies can be identified even when they’re irrecognizable. Without the tag, the people who rescued Gil had no idea who he was, so he was sent to a different place to get treated. He ended up at a monastery hospital instead of the one in Enchaîné. I would debate that his uniform alone is enough to identify him as someone from the Leidenschaftlich Army, or maybe they could’ve just asked him which troop he belonged to after he woke up and relocated him to where his fellow men were, but who even cares about all these plot holes anymore? Definitely not me.

Anyway. After Gil was discharged, he ran the fuck away. Like, literally.

If anyone out there was hoping that Gil would finally have his moment to shine as the self-sacrificing, thoughtful and ridiculously kindhearted character that he is in the novel, I have bad news for you. What we had here was even worse than it being Gil’s excuse movie. It’s like the whole thing was made to drag his character so deep through the mud that he’ll never be able to get up again. There’s pretty much nothing in this one and a half hour that actually justifies what he did to Violet. I’ll elaborate on this as we go on.

Anime!Gil became a nomad and went traveling. He offed his ass to the island where that lighthouse displayed in the most recent official art is located (that’s why Gil and Violet were at the beach on the movie poster). He doesn’t have a prosthetic in the anime because, apparently, he was more worried about disappearing as fast as possible to somewhere he would never be found, and never attempted to contact anybody. So nobody knew that he was alive, hence the grave, which, as we feared, was not a fake one. His family really did think he had died.

This is a point that I have already addressed before, but that also means Gil really did abandon Violet to luck. If anything dangerous ever happened to her (as it did, and it was always very obviously likely to happen, since she was the southern army’s most outstanding soldier and quite literally fled from the military), he wouldn’t even know. If word ever got to him, it would probably be too late. And even if it weren’t, he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help her. More than allowing her to live freely, it felt like he was running away from his responsibilities regarding Violet.

Punch on the face count is currently at six.

By sheer coincidence, Violet learns that Gil is living in that island. She goes to see him and Hodgins goes with her after trying to stop her at first. When Gil finds out that they came to see him, he outright refuses to meet them. It pretty much takes the near entirety of the goddamn movie for them to see each other face-to-face. I say face-to-face because all of the following shit happens:

Hodgins goes to talk to Gil. It lasts about 20 minutes.

Gil talks to Violet from behind a door. This one is about 10 minutes.

Dietfried also comes to the island to talk to him. Also about 10 minutes.

At long fucking last, Gil goes to see Violet. But that, too, is only for about 10 minutes.

Hodgins gives him a speech very similar to what happens in chapter 8. Now get ready to fall back from your seats: Dietfried basically goes there to tell Gil that he won’t run away from taking over the family anymore, so Gil can live freely. Yes, Dietfried is officially a better Gilbert than Gilbert himself. I crave death.

So, after much ado, they come to a conclusion: Gil will stay in the island. In order to completely free himself of the shackles of his bloodline, he stays behind, living the way he wants to. ‘Cause all anime!Gil wants is to rot away alone by the sea, apparently. Now prepare yourselves, for it gets worse. Ready?

Violet stays with him in the motherfucking island.

That’s right, ladies and gents. Another fear became true. She quits her job at the CH Postal Company and goes to live with him. Well, at least, not as a housewife. She starts working with mail services in the island, and Gil helps her with it. Her life goes on like this and she dies in the island as well.

This is where the timeline after Violet passes away comes into light, parallel to the era when Violet was alive. Daisy talks about what happened after Violet left CH, as if it were a tale from the distant past.

That’s it.

The movie paints this as a happy ending. I can hardly see it as one. I know it almost looks like everything was solved, but it just got swept under the rug.

The main point that makes me sad in this ending is that Violet’s character development did a 360 degree flip. In the end, she threw everything to the air and went to live in someone who she always put before everyone else, even herself, but who didn’t do the same for her (in the anime). She’s gone to a crammed little island, where she led an uneventful life away from everyone and everything that’s ever had a positive impact on her. All she has is Gil.

Of course, he’s all she needs, but he isn’t all she should have, and that was the entire point of pushing her to go live on her own. Which is exactly what she earns in the novel: two loving parents, a father figure, a brother figure, a best friend and several other friends and acquaintances whom she formed a bond with. She has all she needs, so she doesn’t have to cling to Gil for any reason. There’s no emotional dependance on him anymore. She doesn’t need him to be whole. She just wants him because he happens to be the best person she’s ever met.

Anime!Violet is most definitely not whole. She almost got there, but then she backtracked completely. And anime!Gil... in my friend’s words, is a weakling. There’s nothing in him actually worth all this undying blind love. Sure, he’s full of regret and shit, but it’s too easy to only act upon it now, by vanishing into thin air like a coward.

The deal with novel!Gil is that he looks around at everything he has, everything that had been burdening him and killing him on the inside all his life, and decides to make use of it for Violet’s sake. He continues being family head and working in the army, amassing money and connections in order to have every means possible to protect Violet should anything happen to her. And as it turns out, he does end up having to use those means, more than once, but he will keep this up for as long as he needs to, because he lives for her now. That’s what makes him worth all the blood, sweat, tears, mental sanity and even body parts that she gave away for his sake: he pays it back. Every cent.

Punch in the face count ends at twelve. Thirteen if I include the fact that the movie ends with a last shot of Violet after she and Gilbert do a pinky swear. Looks like they were really trying to buy everyone with tears.

Oh, well.

I hope this has been a good enough summary. Sorry if I rained on anyone’s parade. I’m pretty sure we won’t get a remake ever, so I really wish we all can get over this soon.

[bookishofalder]

Emergency Contact

Requested by: @beccaaurora 💜

‘One where Flip Zimmerman x reader get into a big fight and don’t talk for awhile . But then the reader gets a call that something happened to Flip cause the reader is still his emergency contact.’

Warnings: Language, angst, gunshot wound, hospital.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! This was fun to write, I love a good argument that makes the audience go ‘wtf JUST SAY WHAT YOU FEEL’!

You had been having an excellent dream about being a contestant on The Price is Right. You were spinning the wheel and Bob Barker was telling you to say hi to your family back home when the beeping from the wheel turning morphed into a shrill ringing.

Your phone was ringing, and it pulled you rudely from your dream. Now you’d never know if you were going to win.

Sighing, you rolled over and reached for the phone, squinting at the alarm clock. It was four in the morning. Fucking four am? Whoever was on the line better be dead, you thought miserably, pulling the receiver to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Miss. (Y/F/N) speaking?” An efficient voice spoke down the line, and you frowned. You didn’t recognize the woman at all.

“This is she.” You replied, sitting up and flicking on your lamp. Concern already growing as you woke up.

“This is nurse Greer over at Colorado Springs General. I’m sorry to disturb you so early, miss, but we have an officer Philip Zimmerman in our operating room with a gunshot wound, and he has you listed as his emergency contact.”

You were glad, at that moment, that you were already sitting down. You felt the air evaporate from your lungs, your entire body going rigid in fear; you were pretty sure had you been standing you’d have fallen over “Wait-is he okay?” Your voice sounded small from the fear now growing within you.

Yet you were angry, too. If the last fucking time you spoke to Flip Zimmerman was last month when you...no, you couldn’t think like that. But if it was, you’d kill him. You’d bring him back to life yourself just to kill him.

“He took a bad hit to the shoulder, but it was clean through so the doctors are just repairing the nerves and assessing for any other trauma. He should be out within the next half hour.”

When your lungs began to work again, it was like you were learning to breathe for the first time. The air rushed into your grateful lungs and you heaved a small gasp as relief swept through you. You thanked the nurse and confirmed you were on your way.

After hanging up, you dropped your head into your hands and took a few deep breaths to steady yourself. Your thoughts turned to memories of the last time you’d seen the love of your life, fucking Flip Zimmerman.

++++

Flip was staring across the diner table at you in surprise, his brows raised comically high, nearly disappearing into his raven locks.

“Darling, what?”

“I said...no, I don’t think we should live together, yet.” You shrugged, but leaned closer and took one of his hands into yours, rubbing your thumb across his skin reassuringly. “It’s not that I don’t want to, or haven’t been thinking about it myself. But, Flip, I don’t think you really want that.”

His surprise fell into a frown at your words, and he leaned across the table toward you, mirroring your pose. His eyes searched your face for a long moment before he spoke, “I asked you because it is what I want. If you want it as well then that’s all I need to hear, darling.”

“Flip, I’ve known you for a long time. Speaking as someone who was your best friend for most of that time until you finally admitted you loved me-which by the way, was only two years ago, I’m not sure this is smart.”

“What the hell does that even mean, (Y/N)?”

You sighed, “It doesn’t bother me that commitment and change is tough for you. Just getting you to leave a few extra pairs of pants and some shampoo at my place was an ordeal, remember? You really think taking both of our lives and putting them inside the same house isn’t going to...” You trailed off, searching for the right words. How could you tell him you were terrified he was going to leave you one day? Once he realized that he could do so much better. Moving in together seemed like the perfect storm for that to happen. “I don’t want you to regret moving too quickly. We’ve always taken our time, you and I. I’m not impatient.”

Flip leaned away, his hand pulling away from yours to cross his arms over his chest. He always took his time to speak whenever you had serious conversations. You were the live wire, the one who got emotional too quickly regardless of your intent. You took the opportunity his silence presented to take a breath, your eyes never leaving his.

“This really what this is about-you think I’m not ready to commit? Or is it you that ain’t ready?”

“Flip, you know I’m being careful here. I care about you, about us. I don’t want us to fuck this up.” You didn’t add the rest, the part where you’d waited too long to be with him, that every day together felt like a dream and you were waiting for the shoe to drop and wake you back up.

You probably should have just been honest.

One thing Flip was excellent at was shutting down. You read his expression the moment he decided the conversation was over, your stomach flipping over as you saw his disappointment and pain.

“Flip-“

He raised a hand, “Don’t. It’s fine. Let me take you home.” And just like that, he stood up, pulling his wallet out and tossing some cash on the table to pay for your food before turning and walking away. It was this reaction that always, ever since you were stupid teenagers, set your teeth on edge. You couldn’t understand how he didn’t argue, how he didn’t have feelings bubbling up inside that threatened to spill out with every breath. He just took a moment, and then he’d walk away.

It made you want to scream.

Ever the gentleman, he was holding open your door for you when you joined him outside the diner. You settled into your seat, your mind reeling. Did he actually think you didn’t want to live with him? The idea of waking up every day in his arms was a fantasy you harboured for years before the night he showed up at your apartment two years ago. Before you could do more than open the door, he had cupped your face with his big hands and gave you the softest, sweetest kiss you’d ever had. Your knees had nearly given out, it was so perfect.

“Flip,” You began, watching as he started the car, his eyes fixed straight ahead, “Please, I know what you’re doing and I do-“

He froze in the process of reaching to shift the car into gear, his head whipping around at your words, “You know what I’m doing? Really?”

You gazed at him in surprise, but didn’t hesitate to reply, “You’re just giving up-you didn’t hear the exact answer you wanted and now the conversation is just over?”

He huffed out a noise of agitation, hands tensing on the wheel, “(Y/N), we don’t need to beat this around- you don’t think I’m ready, and I don’t think you’ll ever trust me enough to be convinced I am. I can’t see a way around it.”

“You think I don’t trust you?” You gawked at him, emotion swelling in your chest like it always did, bursting out. “That’s what you fucking think?” Your voice had risen now, as your mind began to scream at you that you were an idiot and deserved this fight, deserved this pain, so keep digging the hole.

He didn’t reply, he just gave you a rather pointed look. And then the fucker turned to the road, threw the car in gear and drove you home. You sat in a heavy silence the whole way, your mind swirling with so many thoughts you worried you might throw up. He believed you didn’t trust him, you saw it in his face. It had been like being slapped hearing him suggest that.

You were pulled from your thoughts when the car shuddered to a stop. Looking up, you saw the pathway to your front door. Flip put the car in park but didn’t shut it off. He wasn’t going to come inside.

“Just like that?”

He looked over at you, his expression unreadable. “Let’s just, cool it for a day and we can talk about this some other time.”

“Some other time? You want to just forget this conversation happened?”

“Yeah,” He rasped, voice low, “Yeah, I kind of fucking do.”

Letting out a breath, you shook your head in dismay. You’d been having a great day together before this fucking conversation. Maybe if it hadn’t caught you so entirely off guard, you would have had a better answer to him asking to move in together. Instead, you blurted out your concerns in the worst way and unintentionally hurt his feelings. You were angry at yourself.

“I think I’m going to need some time.” You said, looking away from Flip. He turned toward you in the cab of the car in surprise.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him reach toward you hesitantly before ultimately dropping his hand into his lap. “What do you mean?”

You flinched at the pain in his voice, “It means if you think I don’t trust you then we have bigger issues than I thought. It means we should take a break and think about what we want,” You looked up at him, meeting his dark eyes, “I’m sorry this conversation got away from us. I-I’ll call you.” And without another word, you had climbed out of the car and walked quickly toward your front door, never looking back.

You let yourself break down once you had locked your door, great sobs painfully ripping from your chest. So consumed by shame and anger, you never called him. Flip had left a few messages-all the same, that he missed you and was there whenever you were ready to talk. But you never returned them because it would mean having to admit to him all of the fear that was behind your words that night at the diner.

Maybe he deserved better, and this was his out, you thought.

But then nearly a month passed by and you were so miserable that you spent your free time watching the fucking Price is Right like an old lady and crying yourself to sleep each night.

And now he’d been shot.

++++

“Excuse me!” You waved at the first nurse you saw once you’d entered the emergency department doors, frantically looking around as if Flip would be in the middle of the room.

The nurse paused and gave you a knowing smile as if your current state of undress was something she’d seen many times before. You had been sleeping in a silk pyjama set Flip had gotten for you last Christmas, and you hadn’t bothered to change. You’d simply thrown a cardigan on, not bothering to button it, slipped on your converse and driven to the hospital, ignoring the rules of the road in a fashion that would have gotten you in a lot of trouble with Flip.

You were thankful that it wasn’t too cold out, as the sleep set did little in the way of keeping you warm. Which had been the point, Flip had told you, because he liked holding you while you slept together and he didn’t want you getting too hot. The man was a furnace. The shorts only came mid-thigh, though they were loose-fitting at least. All the same, the amusement on the nurse's face was clear. You would laugh about that later.

“Are you here to see the detective who was shot?” She asked you kindly. You nodded feverishly, and she gestured over your shoulder.

“His colleagues are just in there waiting. You can join them until his nurse comes out for you-shouldn’t be long now honey.”

Thanking the nurse, you spun around and walked into the waiting room. It was a quiet night, the only people in the room were Flip’s partner, Jimmy, fellow detective Ron and Sergeant Trapp. They all looked up as you came into the room, Jimmy standing quickly to meet you.

“(Y/N), it’s alright he’s just fine-“

Your eyes widened at him, “Just fine? He was fucking shot-who the fuck shot him? What the fucking shit happened?”

One of the things that Flip loved about you was your mouth. For various reasons, but he’d always appreciated just how many curse words you could contribute to a basic sentence. It always made him laugh, endeared him to you even as teenagers. All of the men in front of you had to decency to gulp as they took in your dangerous expression.

Ron rubbed his hands down his thighs, “Perp had a partner we were unaware of, Flip caught him sneaking around to ambush Jimmy but the guy got a shot fired off before he took him down.”

You continued to glare at the men and Jimmy cleared his throat, “Perp that shot him is in custody, we booked him before coming straight here.” You crossed your arms, sighing as you nodded curtly.  

You were incredibly worked up despite their assurances. You didn’t trust yourself to speak again. The silence in the room only lasted a few moments before Jimmy spoke up again. “He’s going to be thrilled you’re here, you know. Man hasn’t been right all month.”

“You two sure had one hell of a fight.” Ron supplied, forcing you to respond.

“It was stupid,” You ran your hands across your face, exhausted and filled with regret “Listen, thank you for having his back.”

Before Jimmy could reply, a nurse entered the room and called your name. You quickly followed her out, your heart rate increasing with each step that took you closer to Flip.

He was sitting up when you came into his private room, his face pale but looking otherwise healthy. His arm was well bandaged and skin clean. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of navy briefs you had gotten for him at a sale a few months prior. His lean muscles and broad chest always made you blush-he was just so big, so strong. When he looked up and saw you moving toward him, his mouth opened in surprise. You weren’t sure if it was for the fact that you were there, or if it was from seeing the fiery expression on your face, but before he could do more than choke out your name, you were on him.

Taking great care not to touch his left arm, you wrapped Flip Zimmerman in your arms, leaning across the narrow bed and burying your face into his neck. A sob broke out when you spoke, “I’m so, so fucking sorry, Flip.”

His good arm wrapped around you, pulling you closer so that you had to sit on the bed next to him, tucking yourself into his side. You rested on hand on his chest, just over his heart so that you could feel it beating. He dropped his head and placed a kiss on top of yours, rubbing up and down your back comfortingly.

“Sweet girl,” He breathed, his voice thick, “Missed you so fucking much. I’m so glad you’re here.” He was holding you so tightly, as if afraid you’d disappear.

Tears that had been threatening for a while now broke free, streaming down your face. The emotion bubbling in your chest peaked. “Of course I’m here. Fuck, Flip-you scared the hell out of me.” You pulled back slightly to meet his eyes. They were warm tonight, gazing at you with affection you certainly did not deserve.

“Scared the hell out of myself,” He admitted, raising his free hand to stroke your jaw, pushing your hair over your shoulder, “Thought I’d never see you again, never get to apologize for for-“

You shook your head, abruptly cutting him off, “Flip, it’s me who should be apologizing. I fucked up. I freaked out when you asked to move in together and convinced myself it was the worst idea because you’d realize how uninteresting I really am and how much I’m not worthy of you and you’d want to leave before the moving boxes were fucking unpacked.”

He stilled, his eyes searching yours to seek out how truthful you were being. He looked utterly astonished, “Christ, sweet girl, you really don’t see how much I fucking love you, do you?”

You looked down in shame, “Never really felt like I deserved to be loved by a man like you, Flip Zimmerman.” More tears slipped out, hot on your cheeks.

Flip sighed heavily, his hand sliding to cup one side of your face, thumb tilting you to look up at him. “Woman, you are everything to me. I don’t care anything unless you're with me. Not the sun or the stars or anything in this entire universe, got that? If I have to spend the rest of my life convincing you of that, then I will, but don’t ever say you don’t deserve me. You’re my soulmate, sweet girl. I love you.”

You blinked as the emotion swelled within you at his perfect fucking words, and then you were crashing your lips to his, releasing your hold on him to slide your fingers into his hair and tug his face as close as possible. He responded in kind, deepening the kiss despite your salty tears and trembling body. You both put everything into that kiss, the hospital around you fading away.

It was just the two of you and a million I love you’s.

Eventually, you broke the kiss to breathe, your cheeks and chest flushed. Fuck, you had missed him. Panting, you looked him in the eyes, enjoying the mixture of love and desire they reflected, before you smiled. “I love you too. And I’m moving in this weekend, so you’ll want to get those fuckers in the waiting room to help me so that you can rest up, okay?”

Grinning down at you, Flip kissed your forehead happily. “Yeah, they owe me anyway.” He chuckled, his entire chest rumbling with the deep, warm sound.

And just like that, the worst night of your life became the best and the world felt whole again.

Once Flip was discharged, you took him home, driving much more carefully now and helping him inside when you arrived at his place. Despite the early hours and the lack of sleep, you followed Flip Zimmerman to his bed. You spent the next few hours showing each other how much you loved and missed one another before eventually succumbing to the best sleep you’d had in weeks, curled up against his good side in his bedroom.

Well, you supposed, it was your room now too, wasn't it?

Did you enjoy this story? Please consider reblogging or commenting to ease my inner turmoil as a writer. Likes are basically just a bookmark!

[sillylittlelouie]

Children Develop Trust

Awareness was slow in coming, after the late night that he'd had last night. It came in parts, ebbing and rising like the tide. The first thing that Frankenstein noticed in one of his more lucid moments, was that there was a weight on his chest. A warm, sweaty and panting weight, that shivered slightly, even as it peacefully snored. Swallowing his disgusted sigh, he looked down at the child whose upper body laid across his chest.

M-21 whined softly in his sleep as he wiped his runny nose in the scientist's sleeping shirt. He shifted, dragging more of his body onto Frankenstein's chest.

He must have agitated his ribs, as he let out a keening wail before he'd done much moving.

Frankenstein waited with bated breath, to see what his little one's reaction would be.

When the boy's fever had first set in, he'd been inconsolable. The slightest brush against his chest, or movement of his ribs while he slept would have woken him with a bout of coughing that would culminate in a bawling fit. Now, the young werewolf merely whimpered, shifting once more before settling into deep slumber once more.

Whether M-21's decreased discomfort came from the healing of his injuries or adaptation to the pain, Frankenstein wouldn't be able to tell. Not without getting the child up for a series of tests.

He pursed his lips. M-21 wasn't a bundle of overactive pain receptors anymore. Nor was he losing any more much-needed sleep.

That thought brought a smile to Frankenstein's face as he craned his neck to press a soft kiss to the boy's sweaty forehead. It was a small blessing that he would not take for granted.

Still, he would have loved to rend Shark to pieces for putting his youngest through this suffering. But alas, the dead could not be brought back to life, no matter what Mary Shelley had speculated.

Still, a man could dream.

Unless he had an important meeting that required his physical presence.

Frankenstein opened his eyes, not knowing when he had closed them.

Right, he had that board meeting today.

With a heavy heart, Frankenstein sat up carefully, one hand under M-21's bum and the other on the back of his neck, attempting to rouse his little one with the action. When that failed he gently, but incessantly patted the boy on his bum.

It was slow going, but eventually, M-21 grumbled as he cracked open an eye. The patting continued, and the other eye opened. A pathetic whine came from him.

It was all that Frankenstein could do, to stand his ground and insist that the child woke up. He had to force himself to keep tapping M-21's bottom, until the boy stopped his whining.

"Good morning," the scientist whispered, smiling when the boy sleepily grumbled at him once more.

"Mm'ning Ff'anken," he murmured rubbing at his eyes with tiny fists. There had been casts on those arms, up to three days ago.

"Will you walk, or would you like to be carried?" Truthfully, there was nothing wrong with his ward's legs. But, after being brutalized by an overgrown bully, Frankenstein felt that the werewolf was entitled to a bit of spoiling-

"...c'n walk..."

-which was always going to be declined, apparently.

"That's not what I asked," Frankenstein replied, taking the boy's hand regardless, "but I will accept that answer."

Frankenstein led him out of the room and down into the living room. Setting him down on the couch, he allowed him to capture a few more minutes of sleep as he went ahead and began preparing breakfast. The smells soon roused the other members of his household and, one by one, they all joined the scientist and the young werewolf.

Seira's gentle voice drifted into the kitchen as she led M-21 away for a bath. Her exact words were lost, covered up by the sound of the little one's grumbling, and the rustle of Regis as he prepared their belongings for school. Tao and Takeo were the next to shuffle down. The hacker bounding with all the exuberance of a puppy, while the sniper silently slid into the room. Both immediately migrated towards the coffee pot, casting wary glances at him.

Frankenstein gave them a tired smile as he flipped a pancake, and they relaxed slightly.

"How's M-21?" Tao ventured, pouring a large mug of coffee. A very large mug.

Frankenstein eyed it skeptically. He kept on frowning at it, until Tao finally got the message.

"He's doing much better," he replied, smiling brilliantly once he saw the caffeine being split into two mugs. "His fever's been greatly reduced, and he's been staying awake for longer."

M-21 had also been sleeping for longer periods without nightmares, but Frankenstein was sure that he didn't need to mention it. They'd all noticed the distinct lack of screeching in the middle of the night, he was sure.

"Will you be sending him to school then?" Takeo asked, taking the second mug from Tao. Confusion marred his features when Frankenstein shook his head. "Why not? If he's doing much better, then shouldn't he be able to resume his schooling?"

"While his internal bleeding has stopped, his temperature is still very high, Takeo."

The sniper's gaze sharpened. "Didn't you say that his fever was lowered as well?" he shot back, as if he were daring Frankenstein to renege on his words.

As if he would take the child and flee, if he found that Frankenstein was unreliable. The only thing stopping him, the scientist surmised, was the fact that he would have to take M-21 back to the Union, if he did.

Again, Frankenstein sighed. He began putting their breakfast on plates as he contemplated his words.

Tao and Takeo were much more stable than M-21, and their modifications were more complex. Illness, let alone illness in unmodified humans, was most likely an unfamiliar concept for them.

"His fever is still high enough to be dangerous, for a regular human."

Takeo nodded, his face smoothing out into an unreadable slate. "So you will both remain home for a little longer?"

A tempting thought, but an ill-advised one, considering the amount of paperwork that he just knew was waiting for him. "He's coming to work with me today," Frankenstein sighed, turning his back on them as he motioned for them to take a few plates and follow him into the dining room. His right hand ached at the thought of the veritable mountain of paper. "I have a very important meeting today, and I can't afford to miss it. M-21 however, can be in the office while I conduct my meeting."

He set his cargo down on the table and paused, hands resting on the back of a chair. He'd need both hands and then some, if he wanted to take stock of all the times that his colleagues of years past had ever needed to bring a young child to the factory. Or, in more recent cases, the office. "It might even be expected, in fact."

When he looked at the two DA-5 members, he was a bit surprised to see a calculating glint in Tao's eyes. He'd thought that the hacker had finally been satisfied with the results of his previous tests of Frankenstein's reactions. Apparently he'd been wrong.

"Ya sure that you're not only taking him because you think that everybody else thinks you should?"

For a split second, Tao's easy grin fell away, replaced with something colder. More clinical.

Then it returned, warm enough to  melt the ice in the freezer, and the meat in the deep freeze. His eyes however, remained frozen.

Frankenstein pursed his lips. It seemed that it was finally time to place all of his cards on the table. Because, depending on his next answer, he'd never earn the hacker's complete trust.

Honesty would be the best policy, at this moment.

He smiled at the two men as he stretched a hand out to the hallway, where Seira was just emerging with a freshly showered and, surprisingly, coherent child.

"Well," he started, giving Seira a grateful nod as he gently lifted M-21 into his arms, "I'd be lying if I said that that wouldn't be an added reason to keep him close." He tweaked the child's nose, relishing the fact that the boy was feeling well enough to bat his hand away.

Still smiling, he swept over to join his patiently waiting master at the table.

M-21 was in pain. Raizel was certain that he could feel that pain, despite the fact that he'd  been unable to sense the emotions of the teachers once they were in the administration wing, and he was in his classroom.

In his mind's eye, he could see the youthful face, contorted in pain, as it had been for those first few nights. The wet, hacking coughs drifted into the room, echoing around and drowning each of the human professor's words.

When it became unbearable, Raizel swallowed his recalcitrance and peered into the minds of his unconcerned colleagues, if only to discover how they could ignore the sound.

…the sound was the product of his own subconscious? That would not do.

That was how he found himself standing on the inside of Frankenstein's office, listening to the child's ragged breathing as he slept on the sole sofa in the room.

His friend had run from the room only a few minutes after Raizel had joined him in his office, but not before leaving him with explicit instructions on what should be done if the young one woke before his return.

Raizel had almost been sorely tempted to cut the human off as he gave a staggeringly large list that he had no hope of remembering. Decorum, however, kept his mouth shut.

Barely.

But, a victory was a victory nonetheless, and Frankenstein was allowed to list duties and plans and contingency plans, right up until he was forced to leave or risk missing the meeting entirely.

In a few seconds, his feet had taken him from the center of the room, and over to the sofa. Leaning over, he used a single finger to stroke a plump cheek. A memory of the recently mottled skin rose to the fore of his mind, causing him to frown.

The assassin that Tao and Takeo had called their teammate had caused the boy grievous bodily harm.

Frankenstein, to his credit, had tried to keep the full extent of the damage from them. But, such a level of suffering was impossible to hide. Even if one was as talented as Frankenstein.

As if he sensed Raizel's disquiet, M-21 drew back with a whimper. When the boy squirmed and let out a breathless cry, he realized what was going on.

Placing a hand at M-21's side to prevent him from moving anymore, Raizel winced at the feel of a section of ribs as they flailed about. Every time M-21 inhaled, that particular area dug into his lungs, the pressure only being relieved when he exhaled.

Raizel frowned once more.

Blood had already been collecting in the boy's lungs, because of the stab wound that Shark had delivered. With this...Raizel's mind blanked, and he drew on Frankenstein's knowledge for more assistance.

With the 'flail chest', M-21's ribs were bruising the boy's lungs. Already, there was blood pooling within, and air escaping his lung.

Frankenstein would have to cut the boy open, in order to repair this damage. At M-21's age, there was no way that his body would be able to heal without assistance.

Or...

Frankenstein would worry if he ever found out what he was about to do. But the child was in pain, and Raizel...h-he couldn't let the boy suffer any more than he already had. He wouldn't let the boy suffer.

Not when he was so young, with so much more of his life ahead.

The thought of such a thing was inherently abhorrent, for some reason.

Glancing around to make sure that they were indeed alone, the Noblesse began funneling his power into the child's chest. The infantile bone resisted his efforts at first, adamantly committing to their positions. But, at Raizel's insistence, they began to ease into their proper positions.

Through it all, M-21 wore a grimace. Once it was finished though, he heaved a sigh of relief and burrowed further into his blanket and the couch.

Drained by the effort, Raizel sank into a nearby chair and closed his eyes for a moment.

When he opened them again, there was a faint sense of pressure against his torso.

Glancing down, Raizel froze at the sight of the white blanket draped across his upper body. How had..? He looked up, scanning the seemingly empty room for M-21.

"You're up."

Raizel looked down at his feet. A pair of grey eyes blinked back up at him.

"Where's Franken?" M-21 asked. He might have added on something else, but the rest was lost to his yawn. His eyelids began drooping, and, as if it would stop him from yawning once more, he began to crawl into Raizel's lap. "...'m ribs don't hurt no more."

"They've healed," Raizel informed him.

The boy yawned again, curling up against his chest. "...'s good, right...?"

"Yes, it is."

Another yawn. "Good."

Raizel held himself stiffly as he allowed the wolf pup to make himself comfortable. Once the boy was settled, he allowed his hand to rest atop his head.

Frankenstein had been doing so with increasing frequency, during the past few days. He'd claimed that the motion had proved to be soothing, for M-21.

However, now that he was here, running his hand through the boy's hair, he wondered if his friend had also been finding comfort in the motion.

M-21 shifted beneath his hand, and Raizel looked down, slightly curious as to what he would do next.

The boy however, seemed content to allow the question in his heart to go unsaid, if even for a few moments more.

Raizel's hand resumed its path, combing through the grey locks. He stroked his head in silence, mindful to avoid the burn of M-21's desire, lest he unwittingly intrude upon his thoughts.

His hand fell away when M-21 began moving again. But, before he could glance at the boy, his vision was filled with grey.

Raizel blinked, and the grey retreated, just enough for him to see the full face.

"I..." M-21 began, hesitancy clouding his voice, hanging around him like a dark curtain. "Can...can I-" he swallowed, and fell silent.

His mind, however, was a cacophony of half-formed questions and thoughts. Nothing would stay, flitting into being and dissipating just as quickly as they had come.

"I wanna-"

The rubble.

The pile of rubble that had trapped M-21's comrade loomed, higher and more daunting than Raizel had ever seen it, whenever it graced the little one's thoughts.

He blinked, his hand resuming its path across the top of M-21's head. "I'm sure that he would not mind if you were to go and visit him." He paused, using his fingers to loosen a knot in the child's hair. "I will accompany you."

The pup gave him a weak smile. "Can...can I bring some flowers too? I wanna pick flowers for him, because...because..."

It flashed across his mind's eye, almost too quickly for him to get a proper impression. But Raizel had seen it.

He smiled. "As many as we can."

[huntergatherercreator]

Mafia Tom scenario: you're walking downstairs at 2am for a snack; you enter the livingroom only to see you ex (that's been harassing and threatening you) tie to a chair with tom and his men beating him. You continue get your snack and sit and watch. |《you can decide the rest》|

Thank you for this request! 

This is my first ever one so hopefully this was what you were looking for, sorry it took so long! Couple of warnings; mentions of stalking, violence, some mentions of sex

940 Words

The grumbling of your stomach woke you. Through bleary eyes your phone read 2am and you sighed, dropping it back onto the end table. With a huff you stretched out on the bed, fingers seeking blindly only to find cold sheets. You were suddenly wide awake. Eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room you smiled as you picked out the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door. Flashes of the night came back to you, awakening a different kind of hunger than the one currently churning your stomach.

You hesitated listening for the tell-tale sounds that he’d slipped to the bathroom and would be back but the house was silent. Worry crept in as you reluctantly left the warmth of the bed and tugged on your abandoned underwear, covering it with the soft white shirt dangling from the door handle. The click of the door seemed to echo as you took a tentative step into the hallway. The smooth wood cooled your feet as you padded softly to the top of the stairs. From there you could see the whole expanse of the open plan living room and kitchen. Including the struggling figure of your ex tied to a chair in the middle of the carpet.

You closed your eyes, hands fisting as you tried to block out what you were seeing. This was a dream, it had to be. You’d open your eyes and be back in bed, you assured yourself. A final deep breath and you risked a glance. He was still there, and now so was Tom. He stood with his back to you in grey sweats that hung so perfectly low on his hips. For a long minute you couldn’t process what was happening until Tom, lightening quick, threw a punch. Your ex spluttered but Tom didn’t give him the chance to recover before landing two more in succession. Your legs felt weak and you gripped the railing of the stairs as you watched.

You knew what Tom did for a living. He’d never made a secret out of how his company did business, the type of tactics that he used, how physical him and his men often had to get. Seeing it first-hand however, was something else. He was deliberate with every hit he made. You marvelled over the way the muscles in his back and arms rippled with each strike.

“Y/N!” Your ex pleaded as he noticed you lingering above them. Tom froze head instantly whipping around as you slowly started to descend the stairs.

“What’s going on?” You refused to look at your ex, instead noting the other men in the room standing unobtrusively by the kitchen island. They both worked for Tom.

“I told you I’d take care of it baby.” Your mind flitted back to earlier in the evening when you’d shown up at his door, soaked through and shaking. Your ex had been making your life a living hell for the past few weeks. It had started off as constant messages pleading to be taken back, then turned into repeated calls before he’d started showing up where you got your morning coffee. When he’d started trying to make daily appointments to see you at your work you’d called the police and had them issue him a warning. It only seemed to spur him on more.  He’s started hanging around your apartment, waiting to pounce every time you left in the morning and then again in the evenings. It had gotten too much. You’d broken down and told Tom everything. He’d smoothed the tears from your cheeks and between soft kisses had said he’d have it dealt with.

At that point you’d assumed he’d pull some strings, get the restraining order you’d been fighting for approved but you’d never got the chance to confirm this as his kisses deepened, hands sliding under your soaked blouse as he set about distracting you in the best way possible.

His gaze swept your face, eyes wary as he tried to gauge your response. He’d never intended you to see this. He always tried his best to keep his work life away from you, keep you shielded from this side of him. This was different. The pain on your face when you’d finally told him about your ex had almost made him hunt the scum bag down there and then. He wouldn’t have anyone disrespect him, and he most certainly wouldn’t have anyone disrespect or harass his woman.

“You did this for me?” Voice quivering with emotion you caught his shoulders tense defensively. Your fingers grazed over his bicep, trailing up to tangle in the curls at the nape of his neck, chasing away his worry. “Thank you.” Arms winding around your waist he pulled you closer, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Anything for you, darling,” he promised. “Why don’t you head back up to bed, this won’t take long.”

You shook your head, gently leaning back until you could see his face. “I want to watch.”  

His breath caught as you bit your lip, eyes gently pleading. He knew he was in trouble. He couldn’t say no to you when you looked at him like that. It also gave him an ego boost knowing that you wanted to watch him.

“Ok, but if it gets too much you go upstairs, agreed?” You nod instantly. His shoulders set as he turned to address your ex again. You edged around his men to perch onto one of the island stools, snatching an apple from the central fruit bowl to ease your hunger as you prepared for the show.

[backtothestart02]

Don’t Give Up On Me - 2/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Sooo...I’ve decided to make this fic a little longer than initially anticipated. Prob just 3 or 4 chaps instead of 2, but I just couldn’t bring myself to force an ending by the time I got to 2k in this one, so here you go. I hope you enjoy it. More angst with a glimmer of hope at the end.

...

Chapter 2 -

The next morning Iris woke up to the sun shining down upon her face. She moaned softly and stretched her arm across the bed, expecting to feel Barry’s warmth beside her. It was Sunday, after all. Neither of them had to go to work. They could just lie around and-

What, Iris?

Her eyes flickered open as the realization of where they were hit her once again – and the fact that there was no Barry in bed beside her. The warmth from his body was gone as well. Lukewarm sheets greeted her, telling her that he’d been gone for a while.

She frowned and sat up in bed, looking around the room.

“Barry?” she called out wonderingly, but there was no response.

She pulled the covers back and stared down at her legs, which were covered in pajama bottoms, same as the top half of her. Her brows furrowed in confusion. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn these pajamas. These were no-sex pajamas. These were ‘I’m dead to the world, let me sleep’ pajamas. These were when she was mad at Barry for trying to seduce her when she’d made it clear she didn’t want that pajamas. And her next dawning realization was that she hadn’t been the one to put them on.

Barry had.

That broke her heart.

The night flashed before her eyes with blinding certainty. She and Barry had spent the day mostly apart. Again. He’d gone on a late afternoon run in the rain. Which mystified her still. Then she’d ordered take-out for them when he went to take a shower, and… fallen asleep. She fell asleep!

What a terrible day. And poor Barry!

She wouldn’t blame him if he ate all the food himself!

But something in her gut told her he hadn’t eaten a thing. For the same reason he’d gone for a run in the rain, looked like a poor soaked, abandoned puppy when he returned, and hadn’t woken her when the food arrived.

They were growing apart, and he blamed himself.

Well, it is his faul-

She tried to be honest with herself. But she knew it wasn’t the truth. She was to blame too. She might be struggling to come to terms with what happened between her husband and her evil doppleganger, but refusing to talk about it directly with Barry was driving them apart. He was overcompensating for her silence by giving her space, by not trying to coerce kissing or sex out of her, by not complaining, but hell, he had to be torturing himself on the inside.

If she knew Barry, and she did, that was exactly what he was doing.

She hadn’t even been able to read his love letters he left her anymore – the only proof that he was still the old Barry she knew, and everything was right with them in some way. She tucked the new letters away in a drawer in her desk, telling her she’d read them when she was ready, when they were okay again. But there was no way he hadn’t caught on to her not mentioning them when she came home from work these past two weeks. Not when the week before them she’d been unable to stop gushing.

Damn, what had happened?

When did she go from not being able to be separate from him for more than a few minutes to needing a six feet separation at almost all times – and not for the reason the rest of the world was doing it?

She missed his presence now. Not just missed it but craved it.

She had to get past what happened with Mirror Iris, and she knew she wouldn’t until she’d had an honest discussion with Barry. She just didn’t want to have it.

God, she missed them so much she could hardly breathe.

She wanted desperately to go back to the time before the mirrorverse. To that first week after Crisis when they hadn’t been able to get enough of each other, because Barry was alive. She no longer had to worry about Nora growing up without father or herself being widowed at such a young age. They had their whole lives ahead of them now. Nothing could keep them apart.

Until it did.

Shivering somehow from her dark thoughts, she slipped into her fuzzy slippers and made her way down the stairs – after quick popping in the bathroom to see if Barry was there…nope. Maybe he was in the kitchen making breakfast? Not there either. She spotted breakfast though. Pancakes and sausage and bacon and eggs. And orange juice.

She bristled suddenly, wondering if he’d used the expensive juicer Mirror Iris had bought to make him that fancy breakfast that tasted better than hers ever would, and now if she did really try and make something good for him, it would remind him of her copy self. She couldn’t even win that way. She couldn’t win at all.

But Barry’s note next to the food made her eat, reminded her she was hungry, and that even if he wasn’t here, he could maybe see when he returned that she’d eaten his food, that she was grateful. Because she had a husband who cared. Who was trying desperately to make up for something that he had no control over and had been blind to.

But he shouldn’t have been.

She forced her fingers to relax on her fork and read the note again.

Good morning,

Sorry I wasn’t here when you got up. Went for a run.

Enjoy breakfast!

I love you.

Barry

Tears filled her eyes, a few trickling down her cheeks.

How in the world could she hate this man? How could anyone?

And she didn’t hate him, she realized, not for the first time. She convinced herself she did, and that’s why she was so afraid to be honest with him, really honest. She didn’t want to push him away. He was the love of her life. She needed him desperately, even if she hadn’t been acting like it the last couple weeks.

But if she didn’t hate him, then what was holding her back from putting the incident behind her? Was it Mirror Iris she hated? She could understand that. She couldn’t put all her hatred on someone that was quite literally a pile of glass now, so she put it on Barry who had been a willing participant, even though he hadn’t understood the situation for what it was. The true culprit here was Eva McCulloch. She’d started everything by pulling her into the Mirrorverse and creating her doppleganger at the same time. Eva was defeated now. Not dead but driven mad, a fate worse than death as far as Iris was concerned. So who was there left to hate?

Herself?

She swallowed.

She’d gone alone in the middle of the night to Eva McCulloch’s old office. She’d thought she’d find something vital and ended up being the damsel in distress she swore she wasn’t anymore. She’d gotten herself out eventually – and Kamilla and Singh with her, but… At what cost?

Did Barry see her evil doppleganger every time he looked at her?

She shook her head and put away her dishes and the remaining food. She didn’t know where Barry was, but she knew they needed to talk. She needed to be open and honest with him, really honest. She needed to tell him that she didn’t know where her emotions lie exactly but that she didn’t hate him. What she hated was the distance between them. She wasn’t blind to it. It was impossible to ignore.

She licked her lips and retrieved her phone to text him. He was probably still on his run, or maybe he’d gotten swept away with Flash business. Either way, she knew he’d come to her as soon as he could.

That was just the kind of husband he was – devoted, selfless, generous, unrelenting in his love for her.

But just as she was about to open her latest message from him to type a new one, a gust of wind blew around her followed by a brief flash of light. By the time everything settled, Barry was before her – a little out of breath, a little sweaty, but gorgeous and reassuring and safe for her.

Probably not expecting her to be so near when he came in the door, Barry stopped suddenly.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she said timidly, swallowing again.

His brows furrowed instantly.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” she lied. “I mean, I was just about to text you…to see when you were coming back. I…missed you.”

A heavy weight seemed to have been lifted from his shoulders. She realized it had been a while since she’d said anything remotely close to that to him. She scolded herself inwardly.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he said, his eyes shifting to the floor. “You were sleeping so peacefully.”

She heard the unspoken words behind the thoughtfulness. No nightmares, no tossing and turning, no crying out in her sleep. Her PTSD from the Mirrorverse came in many forms. Difficulty sleeping was the most common and most intense.

“Well, thanks for breakfast. It was delicious.” She took a step towards him and tried for flirtatious when she said, “The note was really sweet too.” Her eyes sparkled.

Barry didn’t quite know what to make of her behavior. A smile tugged at his lips, but he wasn’t sure whether to believe what was spilling out of her mouth or try to come up with an ulterior motive explaining it.

He went with option two.

“Iris…”

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on?”

Sometimes she really hated how he saw right through her. In an effort to dissuade him and approach the issue on her own terms, she lunged forward, clasped her hands around his face, and pulled him down to kiss him.

He reciprocated at first, drinking her in, starved for her it seemed like. She felt electricity spark up and down her spine and wondered if they’d gone into Flashtime, or if the speed force was getting just as excited as the two of them.

But then Barry pulled back, panting.

“What?” she asked, frowning. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want to kiss me?”

He leaned his forehead against hers and tried to regain his breath.

“Of course I want to kiss you. It’s been so long, since…” He glanced down at her attire and recalled that he’d been the one to put it there. “Nice pajamas.”

Her lips thinned. “You would know.”

He pulled back entirely but couldn’t make his hands leave hers. He needed to touch her. After so long they’d kissed. They’d held each other. They were so close to regaining ground. He couldn’t lose it completely now.

“Barry…”

He lifted his head to look into her eyes.

“Do you think I’m mad at you?”

He gulped.

“No…” She raised an eyebrow. “Yes…I don’t know.” He shook his head.

“Oh, baby.” She tugged him closer again and pressed their foreheads together once more. “I think we need to talk. Really talk.”

He groaned but not in displeasure.

“I would really love that.”

“Yeah?” she asked, no flirting this time, just sincerity.

He nodded. “I’ve been going out of my mind, Iris. Up all hours of the night, running all hours of the day. Blaming myself for anything that could make you sad or upset. If it’s right for me to do that, I need to know. If it’s not-”

“It’s not,” she said.

“No?”

She shook her head.

“But I’m still confused myself, so I think I better just…” She sighed. “…tell you how I feel.”

He pressed a kiss to the side of her face and intertwined their fingers, leading her to the nearest couch.

When they were both settled, Barry took a breath and prompted her.

“Okay. Tell me.”

 ...

*will be posted on AO3 and FFnet when beta’d.

[flipomatic]

Midnight

Summary: By the time Tsubaki woke up, it would already have been Aoi’s birthday for many hours. That was a long time, way too long to make Aoi wait for her birthday wishes. Tsubaki knew what that was like, waiting and waiting for someone to say something or even notice.

If Tsubaki wanted to make Aoi’s birthday special, which of course she did, there was only one answer. Just giving her a gift wasn’t enough. Tsubaki would stay up until the day changed, until it was time to wish Aoi happy birthday. That way Aoi wouldn’t have to wait even one minute.

Author Note: This is based on the area conversation Rondo has for Aoi’s birthday. Happy birthday Aoi!

Word Count: 1500

_____________________________________________________

Tomorrow was a very important day. It had been marked on Tsubaki’s calendar ever since Rondo formed, with a large gold star drawn over it.

Writing in the center of that star, in large letters, marked Aoi’s birthday.

Over the last month Tsubaki had hunted for the perfect present, the perfect gift for her DJ. It took the better part of that month to find something, but it was worth the search. She wrapped the gift carefully and placed it near the calendar, making sure not to lose it.

Rondo also made arrangements to go to the café that day, to throw a small party there. Hiiro set everything up and divided what they each needed to bring. Tsubaki was bringing the hats, which she bought from the store last week.

It wasn’t a surprise party, but they hadn’t told Aoi any of the details besides when and where to be. Hiiro said it would be more fun that way, though Tsubaki wasn’t sure if she agreed. Regardless, that was how she planned it.

Now, the big day was almost here. Tsubaki was sitting at the desk in her room, finishing up studying for school. She glanced over at the clock; it was just after 10 pm.

She closed the book in front of her, before stretching her arms out as she yawned. Outside of Rondo performances, Tsubaki didn’t usually stay up much later than 11. She had some early classes, which often demanded earlier sleeping hours.

Besides, there wasn’t any reason to stay up. Her house was quiet and lonely.

So, Tsubaki got ready for bed. Her phone, which she had left on the desk, lit up as it buzzed once. Hiiro must’ve texted her back. They’d been talking about the party tomorrow, finalizing any last details.

“I think we have everything.” Indeed, Hiiro had responded. A sticker of a tiny anime character giving a thumbs up followed the text.

That was great news. Tsubaki wanted to make Aoi’s birthday special, and having the party was a big part of that. Her mind went to her gift, which she was less confident about. Though she had picked it carefully, a hint of insecurity remained in her mind. She could only hope that Aoi liked it.

Tsubaki replied to the text. “Great, let me know in the morning if anything comes up.” She stood from her chair to get ready for bed.

By 10:30 she was lying under her blankets, lights off and cell phone in hand.

Hiiro had texted back. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Sleeping soon?”

That was her intent, yes. She had a long day ahead tomorrow. When she woke in the morning, it would be Aoi’s birthday.

Something about that didn’t feel right. Tsubaki set her phone aside for the moment and looked up at her ceiling.

By the time she woke up, it would already have been Aoi’s birthday for many hours. That was a long time, way too long to make Aoi wait for her birthday wishes. Tsubaki knew what that was like, waiting and waiting for someone to say something or even notice.

If Tsubaki wanted to make Aoi’s birthday special, which of course she did, there was only one answer. Just giving her a gift wasn’t enough. Tsubaki would stay up until the day changed, until it was time to wish Aoi happy birthday. That way Aoi wouldn’t have to wait even one minute.

Now it was 10:35. Tsubaki only had an hour and 25 minutes left to wait. She picked her phone back up to reply to Hiiro.

“Not yet, I’m staying up a bit longer.” She sent the message, before going to scroll social media.

Her phone buzzed with the reply. “Busy with homework?” It was accompanied by a question mark frog emote that Tsubaki had seen once before.

“No, that’s not it.” Tsubaki hesitated, unsure how much she wanted to tell Hiiro. She hadn’t felt embarrassed when she decided it a few minutes ago, but now that she was about to tell someone else her face felt warm. “I’m staying up to tell Aoi happy birthday.”

Hiiro’s response came quickly. “Awww that’s so sweet!!”

“It’s a secret, don’t tell anyone.” What Tsubaki meant by that was, don’t tell Aoi or Nagisa. Hiiro wasn’t the best at keeping secrets; perhaps this had been a mistake.

“Of course!” Hiiro added a zipped lips emoji.

Tsubaki checked the time, 10:45. Midnight was closer, but not much closer. Her eyes already felt tired from lying down. She set an alarm for 11:55, just in case she dozed off.

Then she deliberately changed the topic with Hiiro, who would hopefully follow through on keeping her secret.

The time ticked by slowly, Tsubaki’s eyes growing heavier with each passing minute. Her conversation with Hiiro ended, leaving her to wait on her own.

To pass the time, she listened to recordings of Rondo’s music. It had felt strange when she first joined the unit, listening to her own voice. She’d gotten used to it now.

10 minutes passed, then 30, then 60.

Tsubaki checked the clock again. It was 11:45. She felt even more tired now, fighting off sleep to stay awake. If only it wasn’t so hard to keep her eyes open.

Her alarm went off at 11:55, which startled Tsubaki out of dozing. She hadn’t even realized how close she was to falling asleep. Her phone was still clasped tightly in her hand.

Keeping the phone screen on after shutting off the alarm, she clicked into her texts with Aoi. They had been talking that afternoon about their last performance.

With only a couple minutes until midnight, Tsubaki started typing her message.

________________________________________________________

As usual, Aoi was focused on her work. Her headphones were secure over her ears as she mixed music, carefully listening to each beat. She’d already been at it for at least a few hours.

Tomorrow was her birthday, but she wasn’t thinking about it. Hiiro had some kind of party planned. She wouldn’t share any details with Aoi though, even when she asked, and just told her to be there.

The sun had already long set as she worked, but the lamp on her desk and the light from the computer screen countered the encroaching darkness. Her phone was face down on the desk next to her keyboard, set aside for the time being.

Aoi had been mixing a new sample, something she wanted to use during Rondo’s performances. It would provide some variety and a new sound for their set. Even though they always worked the same club, it was good to change things up.

Of course, if it was going to be part of Rondo’s performances it needed to be mixed perfectly.

This led to Aoi creating multiple versions of the sample, so she could play them over Horizontal Oath and test how they sounded. She went through them one at a time, scrutinizing them fully.

Aoi was on the fourth one, which also wasn’t going to work, when her phone buzzed on the table. She could feel it through the surface, as it vibrated multiple times. Aoi used to keep it with ringtones on only, but with her headphones she often missed calls and messages.

Now, she paused the music and reached for her phone. When she flipped it over, she realized how late it had become.

The time on her phone said 12:00, midnight exactly. The reason it buzzed was because she got a text.

Aoi clicked into the message, which was from Tsubaki. It read:

“Happy birthday Aoi!!! I’m grateful every day that you brought me in to Rondo and I hope your next year is even better than the last!” A couple party popper emoji were placed on the end.

Aoi’s eyes widened as she read, and then re-read the message. Her heart felt unbearably warm, lips curved up into a smile. That’s right, now it was her birthday.

Tsubaki’s message, delivered right at midnight, was her very first birthday wish. That Tsubaki would send the message right as the day changed, to be the first one, made Aoi incredibly happy.

When she met Tsubaki in the church, she never imagined how close they would become. She couldn’t have predicted how much she would value the mysterious singer, the young woman whose voice swept through her heart. Aoi was grateful too, that Tsubaki had entered her life this year.

She wanted to reply immediately, so Tsubaki would know how she felt. The events of the last year, forming and performing as Rondo, felt like the start of something incredible.

“Thank you, it’ll be great because you’re in it!” She typed back, hitting send before she could rethink those words. A moment later, the message said delivered. It stayed like that as Aoi set her phone down, face up this time. Perhaps Tsubaki had walked away from her phone; Aoi hoped she would see it soon.

As the clock ticked to 12:02, Aoi returned to her samples. She had a couple more to test, to see if they were good enough, then she would go to bed.

This would be her first birthday spent with Rondo, with Tsubaki. Aoi couldn’t stop thinking about it.

[proudgodot]

Gratitude

I was not initially planning to post about this, given that my unfortunate tendency to over-share has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past, but the truth is that I simply couldn’t resist this time. Typically when I am overcome by an uncontrollable desire to post it is because I am desperately in need of attention or validation, so much so that I can’t actually remember a time when I posted because I was genuinely eager to share something. It was always out of some perverse and misplaced sense of obligation, but it finally feels as if that burden is lifted. While I was writing this post, it was because I felt a genuine…. pride over something I had accomplished, something I genuinely wanted to share with the world. When I chose the name of this blog I didn’t earnestly expect that I would ever feel anything other than shame about myself… it seemed more an ideal than an actual plausible prediction. I’m just so relieved my wish came true.

Anyway, I suppose that is quite enough navel-gazing for the time being… I can only imagine my followers have probably had enough of that to last a long and fulfilling lifetime. I reckon it’s time to move on to the actual story.

As most of you well know, following the dramatic events of the Kristahlia drama, I suddenly found myself with the new responsibility of parenthood. There are certainly aspects of my new lifestyle that have been difficult to adjust to… principle of which is that I am supposed to serve as a sort of role model for these developing and damaged boys. I have never been particularly aspirational, in fact you would be hard-pressed to find someone as underperforming as me. Although I was prone to overcompensating for such things, always desperately trying to prove that I was capable of as much as the bare minimum, looking back I see that I grew too comfortable with those low expectations. When it registered that as a caretaker I would suddenly have to perform a sort of excellence, not for the sake of my fragile ego but for the betterment of these children… I was immediately overcome by a painful inadequacy. However, as our first week together progressed, I came to realize that in certain regards all of us were personally inadequate, and it was for that very reason we had taken on this responsibility together. Although I certainly had my short-comings, that wasn’t something unique to me, and over time we all began to coordinate better and help manage each other’s weaknesses. I was somewhat surprised to learn this was not only true of the adults, but the children as well. The dynamic we developed as a family was rather symbiotic… I found that regardless of age we all had something to offer each other.

Regardless, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my found family as distant as possible from my most severe personal issues. My past was something I felt I had to resolve independently, no matter how tempting it was to once again depend on the people in my life to solve my problems in my stead. That is why when I made the decision to start looking into Anton’s whereabouts, I never spoke a word about it to my housemates.

Facebook made finding his account incredibly easy, distressingly so in fact. I became acutely aware of the possibility that he might have been recommended my account numerous times over the years and had consciously chosen not to send me a friend request, which although completely understandable still hurt immensely to imagine. Perhaps my hopelessly romantic dream to reconnect with the man was unrequited, and would be rejected with extreme prejudice if vocalized. Eventually, however, I managed to muster up the courage to actually inspect his profile. I discovered that after our quarrel six years ago and his subsequent transferral Anton had moved back to his hometown in Ann Arbor to complete his degree in art and design. Since graduating, he had been working as a freelance artist and animator… he often posted about how proud of his projects he was, and it was reassuring to see his enthusiasm had not diminished in the slightest over the years. One detail about his profile that immediately jumped out at me was his relationship status, which was currently set to single. Despite myself, I immediately felt a small flicker of hope ignite within my quickened heart. Upon further investigation, it appeared he’d been involved in several relationships over the years that had ultimately ended in failure, although the circumstances were unclear. I only hoped he hadn’t made a habit of dating unappreciative losers…

I managed to quell my anxiety briefly and force myself to send him a friend request, which almost immediately filled me with a sense of mounting dread. My anticipation wasn’t even allowed much time to simmer, because mere minutes after I sent the message I was notified that it had been accepted. Instinctively, I slammed my laptop shut and jumped out of my seat, forgetting that I was incapable of standing up so quickly without losing all feeling in my legs and face planting into the floor. I instantly regretted not taking Addy’s advice and getting that checked by a doctor, because soon enough the entire family was in my room gathered around my body and asking questions with varying degrees of concern and amusement. Although I had wanted to keep my activity a secret, at that moment I was swept away in the drama, and so I began to mindlessly rant about the situation.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but soon enough there were six pairs of hands all frantically scrambling for control of my keyboard. While I laid incapacitated on the floor, my friends had taken it upon themselves to respond to Anton’s messages, each expressing their own thoughts from my account in randomly alternating orders depending on who had managed to prevail in the wrestling. It seemed that Iara maintained the upper hand most of the fight, although it was admittedly difficult to tell over the frenzy at times considering my limited view from the floor.

Eventually, the chaos subsided and everyone turned to look at me with beaming smiles on their faces, some more devious than others. I immediately began to worry that they had sabotaged me somehow, be it in light-hearted jest or in an earnest act of betrayal, and so I asked them nervously what exactly they had done. For a moment it seemed they were trying to contain their excitement, but it didn’t take long for them to erupted into an uproarious celebration, complete with victorious chants that Anton was coming to meet us in person this evening!

I didn’t know how to react. All at once a tempest of conflicting emotions completely overpowered me… and I mean that quite literally. I knocked out cold, and when I finally woke up I discovered that not only had Kyler been trying to shock me awake by applying Takis to my tongue, but that the situation had not miraculously resolved itself. Although everyone else had mostly settled down, my mind was whirling a mile a minute with all of the things I had to do to prepare. I had a whole bucket list I needed to accomplish before I was comfortable standing in front of Anton again… and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t possibly get everything done myself over such a brief time. To my surprise, I didn’t even have a chance to put my reservations aside before they had already agreed to help me based off of my panicked listing of errands alone. Despite my reluctance to involve my new friends in the more turbulent aspects of personal life, it seemed they were actually eager to get involved themselves… I discovered that my problems were not an inconvenience to them, but rather something they were excited to help me work through.

The first obstacle I had to overcome was also the hardest… that being that I had never properly apologized to Gabriella and Lana for my dishonest and frankly abusive treatment. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the words to express my remorse or that I hadn’t processed my guilt, but that Gabriella’s parting words to me specifically informed me not to contact her and I didn’t want to once again disrespect her wishes. However, after some words of encouragement from the family, I managed to write a relatively concise three thousand word email taking responsibility for my past actions and wishing the couple well. As I was writing this post, I actually received a response from the two telling me they appreciated my apology and were glad to see I had grown into a more mature person. Apparently they have just finished settling into their cottage and are now doing better than ever. Lana even expressed an interest in meeting Addy and Iara in particular sometime… I suppose it’s a sapphic thing. I’m just glad that they’re finally living the happy life they deserve without being held back by backwards men.

My email took longer to type then I had expected, and although I certainly can not regret pouring my heart into the message given its importance, it did mean that we had to pick up the pace with the rest of the bucket list. Kyler took this quite literally, speeding at what must have been 100 miles per hour towards the mall despite nearly giving me a heart attack and my insistence that he not set such a bad example for Chris and Klav. We actually ended up getting pulled over, but luckily Iara managed to scare the officer away with her signature scowl. The next few hours were a frantic rush of errands, all focused on helping me actually express myself without the burden of repression. There were moments when it was a struggle, such as when I nearly hyperventilated in Claire’s before they pierced my ears, but ultimately I am immensely satisfied with the results. The most fulfilling moment was finally getting the tips of my hair bleached white to match my new profile picture. Chris actually got his hair dyed alongside me, changing his style from pale blond to black and white to reflect his new kin. It was incredibly rewarding to accomplish this alongside him… I had never been the subject of anything but disappointment from my parents, so it was an incredible feeling to be able to experience that absent parental pride for myself, even if it was with a different perspective.  

By the time Anton was forecasted to arrive, my appearance had been upgraded to better reflect my current sense of self… all that was left was for me to get in the right mindset. Luckily, my family was perfectly eager to act as my own personal “hype beasts,” as Kyler put it. They offered excellent emotional support in the half-hour we sat in the den patiently awaiting his arrival, especially Addy, who really took my mind off things by offering to play me in a game of chess. I lost quite handedly, but for once I don’t have it in me to be a spoilsport. When we heard that fateful knock at the door, they all immediately ran into the nearest closest and shut themselves inside to give us some space, but not before giving me a final set of encouraging thumbs up. I hesitated for a moment, questioning once again whether I was really ready to take such a big step in my life. My hand paused, hovering over the door knob uncertainly… until I heard the faint sounds of Steely Dan’s Come on Eileen coming from inside the closet, accompanied by the muffled sound of Klav’s giggle. Reignited by the familiar sounds of my favorite musicians, I swung the door open with a new and uncharacteristic conviction.

And there he was… I was immediately captivated by just how strong his presence was. My memories hadn’t done him justice… it really was like I was in the presence of an angel. I was comforted by certain familiar aspects of his appearance, such as his golden brown eyes that glistened like stars, his long curly hair with its comforting strawberry aroma, and his signature checkered scarf that he had been consistently wearing for almost decade now… but what really excited me were those new features. Normally I am turned off by change, but I was positively breathless as soon as my eyes wandered to the golden butterfly tattoo on his exposed shoulder. I felt as if I was going to faint for a second time in one day. 

I couldn’t find the words to express the depths of my emotion no matter how hard I searched my impassioned soul... there were no words strong enough. Instead I just cried, and wordlessly he accepted me into his arms… just like he had on that life-changing night all those years ago. I finally told him everything I had so obstinately refused to say during college… that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and that I was sorry. Although I was openly weeping, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved in my life.

Eventually, he managed to pacify me… and so I was able to explain to him the entire story of the Kristahlia drama. It was difficult to explain that I had managed to go from discoursing with these teenage kinnies to adopting them, but he was as understanding as he ever was. He was so excited to meet my family that he even brought his cat Apple all the way from Michigan just to introduce her to them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this publicly, but when Krissy died I had to take her dog Diogenes in myself, and I was surprised to find that the two animals got along perfectly. It really did feel like the entire house was accepting him... it was as if this was meant to be.

Since Anton had gone to all the trouble of making the ten hour drive to Iowa, he suggested that we might as well all hang out together in Cedar Rapids over the weekend. I suppose it’s a date... I must say that I am looking forward to it, as are the others. I know I didn’t deserve to be accepted by him again just because I spent a few hours shedding tears and profusely apologizing, but for once I don’t feel guilty that I have received something I don’t deserve. I just feel... an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunity.

I am certainly still inexperienced at this whole family business and have accepted that I will inevitably make some mistakes in the future, but I don’t think I’ve done too poorly for a first week, if I do say so myself. I am truly grateful to all the people in my life who have supported me through my journey, who have taught me that it is possible to rely on others without being a parasite and to be relied on without shouldering the entire burden. 

To my partners, my friends, my children, and my love... from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

[pbandjesse]

I am still having a lot of big emotions. But I am home now. I will be back at cam on Sunday, but its something. To be in different clothes. I took a bath. My cat is next to me. Im watching terrible youtube videos. My feel hurt a lot but like. I know I will be in my own bed soon. 

After I finally got my post up last night I tried to sleep but it didn't come easy. I would just pace for a bit. Walked in the park. Some friends came by to see my cabin. It was cute and fun. 

But then I was alone with my thoughts. I didn't like the movies I had still. And what I ended up watching sort of just upset me. And while I did fall asleep, I woke up a few times in tears. It wasn't great. 

I woke up at 530 and I couldn't fall asleep again. I was very tired. But I had so much on my mind and body. So I got up. 

I got washed and dressed. Packed up all my laundry. Tried to remember all the things I should bring home. I thought about everything. I swept the shed. And then went and got breakfast. 

Charolette was there. I talked to her a little but it was hard to not make jokes about the whole thing. I was on the very of anger. I was just so mad at my sister. And that lasted a lot of today. But now thinking about that I have a rock in my stomach. I hate some of the things I said today. Some of the things I thought. But that's where I was. 

I tried to just be honest with people. I was feeling weird. I was going to say weird things. I appreciated the support. But I also felt weird about it. Everyone kept telling me that I could deal with grief however I needed to. But it also felt wrong. I felt wrong. 

So I walked. 

I thought I would walk up to the barn. I was still in my slippers but I still walked in the wet grass. I pet the horses and talked to them. And then wandered down a hiking path. I ended up walking for 40 minutes before I ended up back at the office. 

People were there then, and Ellen brought me a pastry. I got theme stuff ready. And made up boxes. And then Heather sent me to go direct traffic. Lauren ended up coming with me and we talked for like a half hour and it helped. I felt alright. I felt weirdly alright. 

Lauren invited me to go get slushies at lunch. And I was excited about that. And then I headed to art. 

Charlie was there and we worked on our own things and talked about my sister and my feelings. He told me about a Buddist funeral he went too and the way death and mourning was delt with there. It was interesting. A lot about forgiving the other person. And that was eye opening. That I needed to forgive her. 

But I wasn't ready. I was still so mad. I am still mad. But I am trying. 

I would work on my painting. And theme for next week. And getting things ready for next week. 

I went to go talk to Chris about plans for next week. And he let me know some of my supplies came. And so I started taking that up to the shed, when Laurem called out to me to meet her at the dining hall so we could go to 711. Two other specialty boys, Gabe and Kent, came with us too.  

It was fun. I reminded them that it was Cj's birthday so we got her a little cheese cake and a donut that Gabe would go find a candle for. And I got a peach slushie and I liked it a lot. 

We got back and went to lunch. The vegetarian option was al to nicer. And when we surprised Cj and sung to her she was almost crying and it was so sweet. It was just a really nice moment.

Lauren and the other Jessica came with me to the art shed to cut cardboard and talk. I would do some prep and some painting and some cleaning. And then I had my group. 

It went well. I am really glad that the kids have been enjoying my projects so far. And they were fun. I hope that the rest of the summer the enjoy it too. 

After the kids finished helping me set up I painted a little more. And then committed to sitting in my hammock for a half hour. My feet were literally throbbing. They still are. But taking a break was good.

I went to the office after that to check in with Elizabeth about a small project for the teens next week. And then I was put in charge of shirt distribution so I was off to set that up. 

It mostly went well. But one group thought I told them I couldn't have any shirts and they said it on the walkie and Im like. The slander! And then I kept joking that everyone knows that's what Im known for at camp. Making sure the kids have a bad time and get nothing they want. Thats big Jesse energy. 

After the shirt distribution and some cleaning and packing. The day was over. I was on the porch talking and hanging out. Trying to feel normal. 

And we had cupcakes to celebrate the end of the first week. And got some info for how the groups will be laid out. They asked the specialty staff to come in on Sunday to help check in. And I agreed to come in in the afternoon. So that's all good. I will still get some time with James. 

After everyone went home I went up to the art building and finished putting things away. I got my bags and went back to the office to wait for James. I enjoyed talking to Alexi's daughters and goofing around. And then James was there and it was so nice to see them. 

I ordered us dinner. It was going badly because my data is messed up. But it was fine and we got out food even though it was wrong. 

We got back here and I was so happy to see sweetP. We had dinner. And I worked on some stuff for my student loans. 

And then I started taking screen shots. I found every comment I could on my Instagram from my sister. And all our facebook messages. There weren't many of them. I found a few pictures. There weren't many there either. But I printed them all. 

Some of them were things I would have liked to hear at my wedding. About my relationship with James. About her being proud of me. About her loving my art. Supporting me. And that's when the regret set in. 

I started reading the comments from her friends. Being shocked that she's gone. That she was a ride or die and the most loyal friend they could ask for. Someone referred to her as their sister and it made me so mad. I have been mad at her for so long. That she was never my sister. That she was never there for me. That she made so many promises and never held up her end. That I gave up trying with her. But people loved her. They saw good in her. And that hurts in a way I cant explain. 

So I had to stop. I went and took a bath and tried to just get lost in youtube drama. I washed my hair. I felt so dirty. But I feel a little better now. I am hurting emotionally and physically. I am going to try to just take care of myself and be soft tomorrow. I want to go buy some things for camp and the kids. And try to feel okay. 

Now though I need to try to sleep. Take care of yourselves everyone. I hope tomorrow feels easier.