#the fact that i can't even bring myself to go gym is the most worrying thing. it's never been that bad before i LOVE the gym

[marcvscicero]

every day i go to bed and i pray that the next day will be better, that i'll finally wake up and feel okay enough to go gym, which will kickstart feeling productive in the day, which will finally get me out of this horrid horrid episode where i can't even do the things that i love and enjoy.

but today is, again, not that day :(

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Grace

Ava: Please tell me you're free this weekend and if not please tell me you can make yourself available Grace: I obvs can be, why though?? Ava: Because Buster and Rio have imposed themselves on me Ava: or been imposed by my mum, anyway Ava: I was planning a party and they'll be way more chill if you come 'cos it's evidently not a rager Ava: but then we can still have a party and I don't have to kms/them 🙄 Grace: excuse you I can hang! but duh I will come cos you so wanna see your 💍👰 man, I see you babes Ava: You know what I mean though Ava: there's an assumption if fam is invited there's not also dealers and roadmen on the guestlist Ava: My brother is in an annoying mood and I cannot with that Ava: He won't be there, obviously 💍👰 Grace: 🙄 yeah Grace: UM tbh when is Buster not Grace: but I'll do the babysitting so you don't have to 👌👌 get you time to be 😍💖😘 Ava: Obvs it'll be good to see you too Ava: even if it clearly seems that shameless Grace: idc I'm that shameless at the prospect of hot london boys sooo Ava: 😂 Ava: I'll make sure there's plenty Grace: I'm not sorry that the accent is like !!! Ava: 😏 It's a fine line Grace: I'm walking a fine line here babes Grace: we don't even need to get into it Grace: get me on a ✈ literally Ava: Fair enough Ava: We can get into it when we've got into enough bottles Ava: They're coming over Friday at some point, ask 'em for the deets Grace: mhmm can't 🤐😶 me after the 🍾🍾 pops Grace: ugh Grace: texting Ri rn though Ava: Your accent is pretty !!! too so it's chill Ava: 🙌🙏 You're a lifesaver Grace: oh honey, you know boys love to hook up with me cos of my mouth but it's also what sends them running like Ava: Good thing it's just a weekend Ava: no time for running Grace: it's my turn ⏲🏃 Ava: Just not too soon, eh Grace: I got you, girl 💜 Grace: but we literally do need to get into what's going on with you & 👰💍 Grace: I'm so not waiting for you to make a 🍾 toast about him before I get any goss! Ava: I'm not planning on getting that wasted Ava: I don't even know where to start Ava: it's really gone 0-100 since we last spoke Grace: 😱😱😱 OMG! 👌 did you hit him up or did he hit you up?? Ava: Well Ava: Speaking of shameless Ava: I did legitimately lose a bracelet that night but I didn't really need to ask him if he'd seen it/could check for me Grace: your [expensive brand 1 that idk] or the [expensive bracelet 2]? Ava: My [expensive brand 3 plot twist] Ava: I got it for my birthday, actually Ava: Anyway, he rang everywhere up but obviously it was long gone, who isn't taking that if they can but I didn't even care 'cos it got us talking again and it was Ava: he wanted to see me the next day, so we arranged to meet at lunch Ava: but before I went to school, I got a delivery and he'd replaced the bracelet Ava: I was like...what Grace: OMG AVA! Grace: that's so cute Grace: he's so Grace: LITERALLY OMG Ava: He really is Ava: and he says the most amazing things and it doesn't just feel like talk but Ava: obviously, it's always going to be complicated, there's no way it can't be, he's said that too and I know it Grace: I'm totally shook Grace: like I thought this would be a one off, obvs no shade Grace: I'm definitely babysitting for you now! Ava: Me too Ava: it's ridiculous but somehow not Ava: not when we're talking like we've always known each other or when he's here Grace: how are you even living a 💖📽🎞 rn like ???!! Ava: I know like fully someone is gonna yell cut or jump out on me and tell me it's just a prank Grace: you literally have to get him over at yours before your parents come back Ava: Hopefully Ava: He can definitely do Monday, so I need Buster and Rio fully distracted then Ava: Friday is up in the air so I'll just let you know when it's safe for you to all head over, yeah? Grace: 💜🤞 Grace: I'll have the freakout that's SO overdue about my own love life Grace: once I start 😭😭😭💔 I can go for hours duh Ava: 🏆 to Miss Grace Cavante Grace: like it's not a lie 💜🙏 there IS a boy & I AM freaking out, I just don't need their advice about any of it 🙄🙄 Ava: Hint taken, no advice but I'm all ears 😶👂 Grace: it's fine you're not really old & 💖😍 smug & just GROSS Ava: Cheers, babe 😏 Ava: Lay it on me then Grace: ugh I can't even Grace: he's just not Grace: he's not any kind of boy I know how to deal with Ava: What's he like then? Grace: like he wants to talk to me?? but actually not just 😏😘!? Ava: Like you're a human? Ava: Where'd you meet him? Grace: at the gym so I was LITERALLY blindsided cos every lad in there is so 💪🤳🏻 Ava: + 1 for not being that kinda douche Grace: but if he was I wouldn't have to leave every 🗨 like ✔ Ava: You don't know what to say Grace: duh what can I even Ava: Well, if you have nothing in common, not a lot Ava: but you gotta do some talking before you can find out if it's worth doing any more, like Grace: ive gotta run away so thanks for the party invite, babes Grace: v well timed tbh Ava: You can do that too Grace: yeah Ava: Why not give it a shot though Ava: you clearly wanna, even with the freaking out Grace: UM hello?? do you not remember the cringefest that was my life not that long ago?! Ava: We've all made questionable choices Grace: & now I'm doing this thing™ where I like don't make a total fool of myself 24 7 Ava: Can't relate, clearly 😂 Grace: well you're in a rom com sooo Ava: Yeah and we could be about to see me 💔💀 eating my weight in ice cream Grace: that would barely be a 🍦🍨 binge 👌👌👌 Grace: & boys don't just buy bracelets cos they're lost Grace: this bitch can't get a boy to do the clasp on her necklace Ava: They do regret in almost instantly though Ava: maybe he thought I was guilting him or some shit Grace: if he thought that he wouldn't still be 😍😍😍 Grace: which he obvs is Ava: It's a headfuck but hey Ava: what ain't Grace: mhmmm Grace: you're about it though Ava: He's a really good guy Ava: I'm aware how naive that sounds given but still Grace: he can be a good guy & bad for his 👰💍 Grace: or she's bad for him Grace: some couples don't work, can't even Ava: She's Ava: a whole other story Grace: how well do you know her? Ava: Her reputation preceeds her in a lot of ways Ava: and I know some of it as fact, basically so Grace: Ew Grace: she sounds so #goals honestly 🙄 Ava: You have no idea Ava: but there's nothing I can do about it Grace: it's the worst Ava: yeah Grace: anything else I can do I totally will Ava: Thanks, babe 💙 Ava: all you need to do is distract, and we'll have a good time to celebrate Grace: 💜 Grace: seriously looking forward to it Ava: Me too Ava: I'll invite every hot boy I know Grace: ILY you know Ava: Duh 😏 Ava: ily too but save it for the 🥂 Grace: 🙏 that's all I say Grace: I don't 💕 gym boy Ava: Just chatting about your 😍 Ava: stop me mentioning mine, please 🙄 Grace: shh no Grace: I wanna hear everything about yours Grace: & your lunch date, thanks Ava: Okay, that was pretty cute Ava: so he picked me up from school in an uber so we got to make the most of the limited time we had Ava: then we went to get coffee and tried like everything on the menu Ava: and we watched a kinda dumb kinda everything film and you know Grace: it's SO rude that he's already married & you can't 💍 him cos that's such a MOOD Grace: like okay never tell Jimmy about the whole menu cos he'll khs but whatever Ava: I know, had to tip the baristas and the uber driver so handsomely Ava: but it was worth it Grace: I can relate, mine have definitely 👀 some shit 😂😂 Grace: less worth it though & obvs not as recently 🙏😇 Ava: I'm sure they found it entertaining Ava: miss it, if anything Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: but for real, I don't Grace: not my reputation & everything Grace: though if your bf's wife can get a 💍 there's obvs hope still Ava: Good Ava: for real Ava: you don't need any of that bullshit Ava: oh girl please 🙄 Ava: you ain't about to force a marriage Ava: or even more shaming, have your parents come together to force a marriage Grace: declaring myself a no fuckboy zone has been good Grace: even if that does mean staying single cos duh Ava: There's far worse things in life to be 🤷 Grace: yeah like I thought it would be the WORST but Ava: Can't be worse than fuckboys Grace: true Ava: even the ones that ain't Ava: or seem like more Ava: total headfuck Grace: preach! literally living my BEST life until gym boy got on my radar and got me like !!?? Grace: 🙄🙄 Ava: yeah Ava: tell me about it Grace: gonna have to put my phone under 🔐 somewhere when we're 🥂💃 Ava: Confiscated at the door, naturally Grace: yours too so you don't call up a divorce lawyer for your boyfriend 😂 Ava: not even funny Ava: 😏 Grace: sorry babes Ava: it would be funny if it weren't true Ava: not for my sake though Grace: I know Grace: I can't even imagine how tragic he's living Grace: ugh Ava: It's genuinely fucked Ava: and like, not in a 'he's told me to get in my pants' vibe Ava: you can tell, even without the full story Grace: & like there's little kids involved it's so 💔 Ava: I don't even know how to feel about them Ava: or if I should think about them Grace: I don't know if you'll be able to not Grace: think about them Grace: & not just cos like he has to Grace: cos you're you Ava: They'll never know Ava: so I don't have to feel bad Grace: 💜🤞 Ava: It sounds like their mum's whole vibe Ava: and their relationship Ava: is like, Ava: enough trouble Ava: I'm not gonna bring anything else to the table for any of them Grace: well yeah she sounds like an evil 👑!!! Ava: She is Ava: was Ava: Ugh, idk Grace: you're not gonna tell me who they are like EVER, are you?! Ava: I can't Grace: it's okay Grace: like it's soo not but I'm not gonna be that bitch about it Grace: or any of your secrets Ava: You can fill in the blanks Ava: it's not as if anyone is gonna know so put whatever hot face suits Grace: I'm here, just like tell me what you wanna tell me, yeah? Grace: no drama Ava: 😘 Ava: I know its so frustrating though, I'd feel it too no doubt Grace: it's this fam & our track record with secrets getting me worried Ava: I know Ava: it's Ava: nothing to worry about Ava: I've got it Grace: just keep hitting me up whenever you need to 👌👌 cos that's something else none of us obvs ever do Grace: & everything's such a mess literally always Ava: I know Ava: I bet Edie would have some advice Ava: super dubious Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: she'd have taken the bracelet & ✌ out Ava: Honestly Ava: is that not the right thing to do tbh Grace: duh depends how hot he is Ava: I doubt he'd be much her type Grace: I'd totally have to hook up with him though Grace: sorry not sorry Ava: 🙄 Grace: 😂 Ava: Ugh, I need to start drinking now Grace: what's he doing? invite him out Ava: He's with his family Grace: then he'll definitely wanna come Ava: Stop Grace: okay sorry 🤐😶 Ava: It's fine Ava: I am gonna go though, gotta get ready Grace: I should totally pick & pack a party outfit or I'll never be able to decide on a make up look Ava: Get busy, babe Grace: mhmmm Grace: you too hun Ava: 💙

[dp-pastandpresent]

Past and Present: Chapter 4

"Mom, seriously, I would rather do this myself!"

Sam was sitting on her mom's frilly pink bed, trying to be patient.

"Oh come on Sammykins, no boy would want to see you in a dress that makes it look like you're going to a funeral."

'Just because YOU'D rather see me in pink…'

Sam had walked home with a little more perk after Dash had asked her to the dance. She knew it was just Dash, and that there was probably a motive behind it, but that didn't matter.

Unfortunately for her, her mother had noticed the perk and forced Sam to come clean.

And after seeing the dress Sam had intended to wear—well, that just wasn't going to work.

"I think I found it! I've been saving this dress for exactly this occasion!" her mom cheered as she walked out of her walk-in closet holding the most frilly, lacey, flowery, PINK dress Sam had ever seen.

'Oh, god, what have I gotten myself into?'

"Mom, seriously, I think any boy would rather see me in… a 'funeral' dress… than THAT," Sam commented as she got up and began to walk out the door.

"Well, I am not having my daughter go to a school dance dressed like she's mourning the dead," Mrs. Manson protested.

'I may have a real reason to mourn the dead pretty soon…'

"Geeze, I can hear you two all the way downstairs!"

Both ladies turned to look as Sam's grandmother rolled herself and her wheelchair into the room.

"Now, Pamela, as my daughter-in-law, I must say that you are pushing that girl way too far. You wonder why she does the things she does? It's because of the way you treat her."

'Go Grandma!'

"So you want her to go to the dance looking all black and somber?" Pamela asked rather rudely.

"I'm not saying that, but I do want her to have fun," Grandma finished.

There was no argument left: Sam had won, thanks to her grandma.

"Thank you SO much Grandma! I look amazing!"

Sam was in her own bathroom now, spending an unusual amount of time in front of the mirror, something she usually didn't do.

She had finally gotten to change into HER dress, which was purple and black with fishnet sleeves, and yes, lace.

Along with that she had applied a little bit of purple eye shadow and lipstick. The whole outfit had become complete when she added her green and black heels and fingerless gloves.

"Honey, any boy who doesn't go for you tonight would be out of his mind!" her grandma told her with a smile.

"Well, I guess I better be going. I can't be late…" Sam said skeptically as she headed towards the stairs.

"Just remember to have fun!"

--

Sam was supposed to meet Dash at the restaurant,which had her a little nervous as to whether he'd actually be there waiting for her.

He was.

He himself was in a tux with, to Sam's horror, a pink underlay.

"Hey, Sam. Wow! You look amazing!"

His eyes got rather big as he examined her.

"And you look… amazing… too," she choked out.

Sensing her awkward gaze, he quickly added, "I'm sorry that I don't match. It's just that I originally was going with Paulina, and her dress is pink, so…"

'He sounds genuinely sorry. Something must be up. Dash is NEVER this nice!'

"It's okay, I understand!" She stopped him halfway through his monologue.

"Well to make it up to you, I did get this."

He held out his hand and in it was a corsage of purple and black flowers.

Sam's mouth dropped open, it was beautiful. She quickly held out her arm to let Dash fasten it on.

"Wow, Dash, what else can I say? Thank you!"

"Ahhh, it's nothing really. Say, how 'bout we go inside?"

Dash had picked "Cow-a-bunga" as the location for their fancy night out, and while Sam had been initially worried, research had shown that they served salads. Still, any place that called itself "Cow-a-bunga" couldn't be all that nice.

She found herself laughing as Dash opened the door for her, only to find out that her guess was right. While not "The Nasty Burger," it wasn't a five-star by any means. People were sitting on top of barrels at picnic-like tables, munching on peanuts as the shells fell to the ground. Surrounding the main dining room was a fence, behind which, to Sam's horror, were live cows.

'I swear if Dash's steak is that fresh, I'm walking out.'

"Well Howdy, Y'all!" the hostess greeted as she showed them to their table in the back. "You two must be headed towards the dance! We've got a special spot just for you!" She winked at Sam, as if she thought they'd want alone time.

Yes she was on a date, and was heading to a dance, but the thought of kissing Dash made her want to vomit a bit.

Sam sat down and began looking at the menu, trying to find her ideal salad. Dash grabbed the peanut bucket and began throwing nuts into his mouth, shell and all. The look of disdain on Sam's face quickly stopped him, however.

"I hold the record for most peanuts shelled in my mouth!" he said as bits of nut spewed everywhere, including Sam's dress.

'Good for you…'

Somehow, the idea of not getting a word in with Dash didn't actually displease her though; what would they even talk about?

"What can I get ya'll tonight?" the overly perky waitress said as she approached the table. Sam opened her mouth to order a garden salad but before she could even say the g-sound, Dash chimed in.

"Two steaks, extra rare! With extra fries!"

Sam's eyes grew huge in horror, thinking back to the time that she and Tucker had visited the buffet and Tucker had eaten five rare steaks in one sitting.

"Dash… I… I mean… I can't—" she started to choke out, but the server was already gone.

'Guess I'll starve through the dance…'

--

Phantom couldn't bring himself to patrol. Not since seeing her. So instead, he found himself again at the music store.

'I wonder what kind of music she likes,' he thought, probably more often than anyone should.

He just couldn't keep her out of his mind; there was something about that girl and those EYES that reminded him of his life—if only he could figure it out.

Maybe he was just living in the past, but a nagging feeling in him knew there was more to it than just that. Almost as if when he looked at her, he saw himself.

She looked so lonely and sad , the way he himself had been feeling.

But he was a ghost! He couldn't feel emotions for a human girl, could he?

This was stuff he had contemplated all day, until finally his head hurt and he knew he needed to go for a fly, even if just to get some air.

--

'What have I gotten myself into? This is such a disaster.'

It had been about a half hour since they had entered the dance. In that time, Sam had had about fifteen glasses of punch, trying to make herself full after refusing to eat her steak, but was only succeeding in multiple trips to the bathroom.

They had yet to actually dance.

And Dash was beginning to get very impatient with his date.

"Come on, Sam! Why can't we dance?"

"Because THAT—" she pointed to the dance floor where all the girls were leaning backwards against all their partners, "is not dancing. That is a bunch of girls acting like prostitutes and showing their conformity," she concluded.

Dash just stood there like the light in the attic had just burned out.

"Soooo, are we EVER going to dance?"

It was as if fate had answered his question. The rap music had suddenly changed to a slow song: something you couldn't grind to.

'Finally! Rap music is getting sooo old.'

"Yes, how about now?" Sam said, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the dance floor.

It was apparent as soon as they started dancing that Dash had never slow danced before. They clunked around the floor like gorillas, until Sam finally stopped him and decided to lead instead.

"Okay, Dash, follow MY lead now. Trust me, this can work."

And it did; they began to move much more smoothly and actually flow with the music.

Sam was so busy enjoying herself for once that she didn't even notice they were dancing right next to Paulina and her date.

But Dash did.

Suddenly their dancing got chunkier again as Dash became distracted with Paulina.

"So, Sam, I'm really enjoying my night! We may have to go out again sometime!" he said loudly and not really to her.

"Ummm, yeah, sure?" Sam replied as she tried to keep dancing. It was getting pretty difficult.

'What is up with him?'

She was lost in her thoughts when he did it. He leaned over rather awkwardly and grabbed her head, pushing it towards him. The next thing she knew, his lips were smashed into hers and he wasn't even looking into her eyes, he was looking to his right.

'Whoa, hold on… what is going on?'

Struggling to breathe, she turned and looked too. He was staring at Paulina, who had stopped dancing and was standing with her arms crossed, probably trying to figure out why Dash would even want to kiss Sam.

'Oh. My. Gosh.'

Sam pulled away so fast, Dash actually had to struggle to keep his balance.

"DASH BAXTER!" she said loud enough to cause the rest of the dancers who weren't watching to start.

Dash's eyes got wide as he tried to figure out what he had done, but he couldn't.

"What?" was all he could muster up.

"Oh, you know what!" And that's all she said as she turned around and ran off, tears already coming from her eyes.

'He used me! That's the only reason I'm even here tonight—so he could get HER back! He's such a pathetic, over-buffed, brainless JOCK!'

'And you knew it Manson. The second he asked you knew! And yet you let him play with your brain like maybe, just maybe, he could show a little decency for once.’

She was so busy crying that she didn't even know where she was headed. All she knew was that she had found a door and gone through it.

Now she found herself on the gym roof, having awkwardly run up the stairs behind the door without looking back.

'Okay, so how did I end up here of all places?'

She walked over to the edge and looked down. It was rather high. In fact, if one fell, they'd get pretty hurt….

'No, Sam, don't even think about jumping.'

'But he's pathetic. YOU'RE PATHETIC!'

Her mind was fighting a losing war, and she just wanted it to shut up.

Unfortunately, there was really only one clear solution to that problem. She found herself looking down again. The ground didn't seem that far now. In fact, she could just take a step and she'd probably be safe, right?

'Sam Manson, don't YOU DARE!'

'This was supposed to be a good night and instead it's the worst. I just need it to end…'

'But not this way, and not now. There are other options.'

'Like what? Turning around and going back there?! I don't think so!'

One foot off the ledge. Sam was feeling dizzy. Her heart was beating fast. She couldn't breathe.

"No turning back now."

She looked down. The ground was right there; she could just take that second step and keep on walking.

Closing her eyes, she began to count out loud.

"One…."

"Two…"

"Three…"

Her second foot left the platform.

--

The night air helped his head; thoughts of the Fentons and that girl slowly dissipated as he flew faster and faster through the clouds. Looking down on the town, he could see the twinkle of city lights as the world reflected back the stars from above.

'Flying will always be my favorite.'

It had been a long day though, and Phantom was getting ready to call it quits. Slowing down, he thought about where he'd want to spend his night- he had yet to settle on an actual "home." But to his surprise, his thoughts were interrupted by a faint voice coming from the nearby high school.

"No turning back now."

Naturally, he was intrigued. Who would be at the high school at this hour?

Because he was a ghost, and a very curious one at that, he had to see what was going on.

Flying closer, he gasped.

It was HER. The girl he had been daydreaming about all day. There she was, all dressed up, standing with one foot off the edge of the gym roof.

She looked pale, and suddenly Phantom knew what must have happened. That boy from earlier was nothing but a creep, and it made him sick. He wanted to find that kid and knock him out.

He stopped. What was he thinking? This girl was in trouble and all he could do was think about hurting the boy. Pathetic.

Phantom wasn't used to confronting humans; besides those stupid reporters, he had never really done so. But he knew what he wanted to do.

He flew in closer, having made his decision. He was going to hover, watch over her, and if she decided to do what he thought she had planned, he'd move in.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three…"

He saw her second foot leave the rooftop and that was his cue.

--

She didn't feel the ground. Was she still falling? The roof hadn't been that high.

She felt the wind, like maybe she was falling sideways. Or maybe someone was holding her? Was this what death felt like? Was she dead? She had to know.

Opening her eyes, she let out a squeak of both shock and relief.

Phantom.

The mysterious ghost from the TV was carrying her. Flying with her. Taking her away from the dark hell that was the school.

'Did I just do what I think I did?'

'Did he just save me from doing what I think I did?'

'Is this all really happening?'

Whoever this boy was, he suddenly looked down and smiled. He seemed happy to see her awake. Safe.

"You really scared me for a moment," he said as she blinked back at him, too afraid to speak.

He could tell she was in shock. After all, attempting something like that would leave anyone in such a state, let alone that plus being saved by a flying ghost.

They needed to find somewhere to stop, talk, and figure out a plan. Preferably somewhere on the ground in case she wanted to attempt anything again.

He looked around, scanning the area for a park bench or empty yard, or really anywhere safe, until he finally found an abandoned playground.

"You're probably in shock, so you don't have to speak. But I'm going to stop and put you down. We need to talk."

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

04 - Learning To Receive

These chapters songs:

Moonlight On The River; Mac Demarco

Nostalgic Feel; Bedroom

New Flesh; Current Joys

——

TW: Self-harm, death.

(Not done by you, don't worry)

——

- K.S. Perspective

      Only two or three days had passed since high school had started, which meant only a couple more walks home with Y/n. They were shorter and quiet, and of course, there weren't any swerving cars.

But so far, what I had suspected was correct. She and I made amends and became buddies, thankfully.

      The only times she was left alone were when I had morning practice, and she had to have one of her friends drive her home. Either that or she would have to walk home alone. I would've loved to accompany her, but volleyball was something I didn't take lightly, and my priorities were important to me.

      Both I and my younger brother participated in volleyball and gave it our all ever since we were able to balance on our feet. Sadly, our parents were far too busy to go to any games, or even help us practice at home. But their goal was for their kids to grow up strong and steady with good grades and good stats, so that's why they made sure my younger brother and I were on top of our shit.

      Once my first year ended, I didn't expect that I would have to carry so many burdens all in one year. That's around the time mother had died from sickness, which left me with doubts, wishes, and an unaccomplished relationship with her.

      After the sudden death, our family didn't move on very well. My brother developed anxiety and depression, and he eventually had to take a break from school and volleyball. Then, my father became dull and increased his hours at work to avoid coming home to such a depressing home, leaving my brother and me to continue caring for ourselves, by ourselves.

      I, on the other hand, had barely anything to say about it. All I could do was pose as if I were handling it better than I had. Truth is, my mother's death changed my entire persona. I grew grim and gummy, deprived myself of rest, and repressed the trauma I've received. Not only did I overwork myself because of volleyball and stress, but I also grieved in harmful ways. It'd either be a blade to the wrist, or a night with a girl; anything that could help distract me from my state of deep dejection.

      It's been that way ever since. Only recently have I realized that I'm ruining whatever recovery I built up. That was all because of my best friend— Daichi— who had helped me come out about my feelings towards my mom's passing. Ever since, I've been able to learn from my mistakes, and slowly pick my life back up. I was beginning to become a better player for my team, better support for my family, and a better person for myself.

��     That only happened recently. So now, I'm left with lots of things to mend, and relationships to make. I'm determined that I'll mourn more healthily than before.

——

      "Y/n!" A hopeful call leaves my lips, turning her head. As assumed, it was Y/n. Today she looked even brighter than before; she just has gotten more sleep. Not to mention she wore long socks instead of leggings, which must have been pretty hard in this weather.

      I didn't get to see her this morning due to morning practice, but I did catch her before lunch. Just enough time to tell her I won't be riding the bus tonight either.

      I look both ways of the cross hallway, before grabbing my book bag strap with both hands and jogging towards Y/n. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to see her, but all I knew was I needed a refreshing moment, and she could give me exactly that.

      "Why hello, Mrs. Refreshing!" I joke, bowing my head towards her while she giggled. Looking up, she stands there, shining by the sunlight that reflected on the windows.

      'If I could, I'd take a photo of you right here, just to show you how gorgeous you are.' I quickly put a halter on my thoughts, snapping back to a respectful filter. 'No, I can't do that. Not to myself, most definitely not to Y/n.'

      "You look nice today!" I exclaim, awkwardly patting the side of my hips while smiling at her. Hopefully, I hadn't made her uncomfortable in the first ten seconds of talking to her. The last thing I wanted was to ruin yet another relationship with a girl.

      Thankfully, Y/n responded with kind appreciation to my comment. "Why thank you, sir. And what brings you in my presence?" Her words curl in a formal British accent, adding onto our joke.

      Standing normally, I explain, "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi, and to tell you I might not be walking home with you today. I'm really sorry,  practice has been very necessary for our team. I-I hope you understand." I stutter on the last part, with a gentle tone to add on. Ditching Y/n for most of the week wasn't what I had planned at first, but what I had told her was 100% true. The first years, as well as the rest of us, we're in bad shape. With our spring tournament coming up, we had no time to waste.

      "Oh, that's alright. I understand. I was in volleyball too, after all. Although, I do wish you could still accompany me. It gets a little lonely.." She looks down for a minute while I contemplate my existence entirely. 'So it does bother her.' But she quickly caught onto my thoughts by my expression and came up with a solution. "If— if you'd like, I can simply stay near the gym until practice is over! That way I can see you and your boys in action, yeah?"

      Her fists pop up into the air, as a bright smile appeared on her face. If you didn't know Y/n personally, you would expect them to be cold stone and dull. But in reality, I find they're like everybody else, and have a bright side to them, just like the one that was being portrayed right now.

      Nodding with her statement, I reply hesitantly. "Hm, I'd have to ask the captain, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind—"

      "Oh, Daichi? We're buddies, he'll be alright." I'm dazed by what she'd said, pausing the motion of rubbing my neck. She and Daichi hang in completely different groups, though! 'How is it they know each other? They hang around two very different friend groups.. that is unless they have some type of history I'm unaware about.' I think to myself, trying my best to find a reason they would be friends, but I couldn't. And so, I begin my questioning. "You two know each other?"

      Suddenly, Y/ns gaze twists. "Suga, you introduced me to them during our first year, silly. Remember? I went with you from practice once. And besides that, my good friend Miya is close to him."

      "Oh, yeah! I remember that. That means you only know Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko, right? I've gotta introduce you to the rest of the team! I'm sure they've missed you!" I chuckle, throwing an arm around her shoulders cautiously, expecting her to reject it. But she goes on casually with our discussion.

      "That's right.. well... I'm also— sort of— friends with them. Well, except Asahi. But Kiyoko and I are pretty close."

      '?' I tilt my head at the uncertain tone she spoke with. "Pretty close?" I ask, turning into the cafeteria with my arm still around her. The room is, of course, crowded as hell.

      Still, I manage to draw out what Y/n was saying to me, leaning my ear close to her mouth for better audio. "Yes! She's one of my best friends.. we used to date and it didn't work out, but we're pretty tight!"

      'DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!' My eyes widen, and I immediately let go of her, tightening my hands around the strap of my school bag. A gulp falls down my throat before I ask, "Did you say.. date?! You mean you two went out?!"

      To my surprise, Y/n nods proudly. "Yes! Why, did you not think she'd go out with a girl? Or is it so astonishing that I could ever get a girl like her?" She teases, while I'm still puzzled. So many questions ran through my head at the sudden fact: was Kiyoko gay? Was Y/n gay?! Does that mean she's gotten closer to Kiyoko than anyone before??

      "Suga, calm down. It's not like we're still together. As I said, it didn't work out!" She smirks towards me, putting a finger up towards her cheek. "Why? You got a little crush on her..? I wouldn't blame you."

      "N-no! It's not like that! It's just— she never told any of us. I guess she just keeps to herself more than predicted." My sentence comes out to sound like a question, rather than a response. It wasn't that I didn't support it, or that I was surprised Kiyoko would be her girlfriend. Honestly, I was just a little jealous of both of them.

      Either way, it seemed it didn't work out. So it didn't matter now. "Anyway, we're about best friends now, so I'm pretty familiar with your team. I don't think they would mind if I came, but just in case, I'll ask Daichi and Kiyoko." She explains, before looking back towards the slowly dying crowd of students in front of the cafeteria. "I better go soon, Suga. I'll let your captain know I'll be heading over there later—"

      "Wait!" I shut my eyes out of nervousness, as my brain wires work to come up with an excuse for why I yelled that. "You used to play volleyball, right?"

      An awkward nod from Y/n is given to me, followed by, "Yes, but I was sort of just a bench warmer. Nothing big." The hands that held her lunch box gripped tighter, as she suspected I would ask her a favor much larger than a lunch.

      "Mind helping me teach one of our new members how to receive?" I say. "His name is Hinata, and he's a first year. He has great talent and has great potential, but he kind of... sucks at volleyball. I mean, from what I've heard, he practices a lot. But I just think he needs some guidance. So, want to?"

      "Uhm... I'm pretty rusty.. but sure! It wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, I think I need a break from my friends wouldn't do any harm."

      'Yes, I did it.' I thought to myself, before leading her towards the doors that led to the gym. "Alright then, right this way!"

      "Suga! Don't you need your bag?" She immediately asks, tugging on my collared shirt. But I shake my head, responding with a light smile.

      "It's already outside, I just came to check on you, is all."

——

      Up, down, and up again went the ball. Each receive that Hinata had tried had failed every time. At this point, I wouldn't blame Y/n if she wanted to leave. But there she sits against the concrete wall of the outside of the gym, licking white rice off a spoon.

      "Hinata, drop your hips down more," I say to him, demonstrating the position I had stated. "Hit the ball like you're trying to return it where it came from. Got it?"

      Hinata's light expression appears on his face once again. "Yeah, got it!" He exclaims, before getting right into position. I signal the ball is going in the air before my palm hits it in the right spot, sending it towards him.

      And it shoots right back, along with a slap against Hinata's wrists. "Nice!" He praises himself, leaving a feeling of proudness deep within me.

      I'd never been able to teach somebody one of my special skills and having them accomplish it, not the way I did with Hinata. But that was mostly because he was driven by his entire body and soul to memorize every movement in his muscles to create a perfect receive. And who had taught him that? Your one and only.

      "Would you like me to start setting for you tomorrow morning?" I ask the ginger with confidence he'd reply with a yes. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. His eyes light up in the sun, and his hands take full hold of the ball. "Y-you mean it, sir?!"

      The cold wind hits me, as well as another dosage of serotonin from the first year."Well, I am Karasuno's official setter after all! And you wanna practice spikes, right?" I ask, placing my red hands onto my hips.

      "Exactly! I love to spike! It feels so good when you get it right, and it's cooler than anything!" He shouts. I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, even if it wasn't the first time he'd portrayed it. Hinata sure reminded me of my past self, and I'd do anything to help first-year Sugawara.

      Y/n suddenly joins our conversation, digging into a reason why Hinata is the way he is when it comes to spikes. "You must have a thing for spiking, don't you?"

      Hinata nods, putting a fist towards his face. "Yes. I didn't have a setter throughout middle school, and I was actually the only club member until my third year of junior high. I used to get my friend in the Basketball Club to toss for me, but after I had dropped out of the club, I went to anybody that could help me practice. Take the first years, and the ladies and setters from the girls' team, too. I've made a lot of friends along the way, but none of those people could ever become my real teammates. That's why I was dying to find out what kind of setters were in high school— but now.. you know."

      Hinatas pure passion dies down once he reaches the word 'setter', and I wouldn't blame him. The person he's supposed to be paired with is his complete opposite, and frankly, a dick-head. "Well, as I said, I'm a setter too. I'll toss you a few, Hinata! Don't get all down."

      I was expecting further satisfaction, but instead, his expression twists into envy. "But it's just that if I have you throw to me now, it kind of feels like... I'm losing." He frowns, looking away from my figure in anger.

      "You're just like someone I know, Hinata!   Always competitive." Y/n says, placing her small bento to the side, and lifting herself from the shaded spot she sat in. Her hands dust off her navy blue skirt, and her blazer comes off. "Why're you so competitive when it comes to Kageyama?"

      "If you ask me, it's better to avoid making enemies with those kinds of people." I join in.

      She wraps her hands around Hinatas shoulders, leaning over his shoulder. "You know, Hinata, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. Wanna know a secret about Kageyama?"Without hesitation, Hinata is fully interested in what Y/n had to say. Frankly, so was I.

      "Whatever you see from Kageyama is something he's learned from other players. He wasn't always so snobby; he used to be calmer and kinder. But once he was shown what he could do with his talent, it went to his head. Don't let that become you, Hinata! You have so much potential it's insane! I've never met anybody with as much love for volleyball as you." She pulls up her sleeves, getting into position for a receive, signifying I could rest now. "

      "How do you know what he used to be like, Y/n?" Hinata asks her, sending the ball into the air. My eyes follow it, but my ears listen intently to their conversation.

     "Well, I went to the same middle school as him. When he was a first-year, I was a third. Me and my friend we're on the girls' team, while my other three friends were on the boys' team. The four of us practiced every second of the day, which meant the two teams spent a lot of time together. Everything Kageyama knows is from another player; don't think he's just magically good at volleyball. Anyway, I don't know much about Kageyama, but I do know that he's changed dramatically." She explained. Just then, the bell for our sixth period had rung, and doors were heard opening and closing, as well as students fluttering around hallways.

       The three of us pause our mini practice and gather out things where they were settled. Thoughts ran through my head as I put my school blazer back onto my torso. If Y/n went to the same middle school as Kageyama, that must mean she knows a lot about Aoba Johsai: one of our greatest enemies in volleyball. And if she knows him, could she be familiar with his playstyle? In that case, having her around would not harm the team.

      "Sugawara, I'm off." She's heard saying from behind me, while she put her school bag over her shoulders. "Thank you for having me here with you and Hinata, I'm glad I could be of help."

      I nod in response, nervously breathing through the teeth."Yes, of course. Uhm— would you like me to pick you up from your classroom later on? Either that, or you could walk to the gym after band practice." I ask the young girl, longing for more time to hang about her.

      Then, she began walking backward, meanwhile talking. "I think I'll be just fine, Sugawara. No need to worry about me all the time. I've managed without you the past couple of days haven't I?" Her h/c danced with the wind as she did so, and the corners of her lips rose as she said so.

      "That's right.. I'll catch you later then!" I manage to shout out, raising a hand for a gentle wave, but it was too late. Y/n was already turning into the doors of the school, returning the gesture.

      Somehow, she always found a way to make the chains around my heart tighten a bit more. What was it that drew me towards Y/n? Hell, if I knew. "Wow, Sugawara. You've got yourself a pretty friend! She seems nice, too." Hinata expresses, looking agar with me. "Is she your girlfriend, or something?"

      "No, Hinata. Just an old friend. Someone who may know me better than anybody, you know." Y/n; The girl who knew her way around my heart.

—

Hey everybody, sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my ff!!! I would never do that. This fan fiction is super duper important.

Please note my chapters!! It lets me know you guys enjoy them.

Make sure to be taking care of yourself: drink water, go outside, eat something, and heal yourself after hard work:) It's currently mental awareness month, and it's very important to be taking time for yourself.

love you guys

- Sugawara's beauty mark

[ionlyspeakinmyheroacademia]

Late Nights and Lavender Tea

series masterlist ☕️ 

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Ochako Uraraka

Warnings: Some lauguage, gets a lil steamy at some parts, slow burn, MAJOR SPOILERS

Summary: After a year of friendship, Uraraka realizes that she is totally in love with her best friend, Midoriya Izuku. There's just one slight problem. She's in a happy, committed relationship with Iida Tenya.Or is she? As their relationship progresses, she sees a side of Tenya that scares her- and she wonders if she made the right choice to get with him in the first place. And her resurfacing feelings for Izuku aren't helping her case, not in the slightest.Midoriya Izuku always avoids romantic relationships, but he simply cannot avoid his feelings for Uraraka Ochako. She's taken, but Izuku can't help but hopelessly pine after her. After seemingly the millionth late-night talk over tea, he realizes that he's head over heels in love with her. He's in love with a girl who's off-limits. He can swallow his feelings for her sake, of course.That's okay with Izuku. If she's happy, he's happy for her. It's really okay, honestly.Teenage relationships are hard. That's one thing they've both realized.

Notes: This is my first fic, let me know what you think! (cross posted on ao3)

Chapter 7: A Certain Green Haired Cutie

The next month passed very slowly, and Ochako spent most of it trying to avoid her now ex-boyfriend Tenya Iida. It was strange for her not to be around him as much, they had been practically inseparable after all. Ochako felt like there was a sort of hole in her life where he had been, but where he had been once, Izuku was taking his place, playing the role of her best friend, filling the hole Tenya had left while still managing to keep his own spot filled.

In the past couple of weeks following her breakup, her feelings for Izuku were growing everyday, but she couldn’t bring herself to act on them. Honestly, she was terrified that history would repeat itself, and what happened with Tenya would happen with Izuku. Ochako knew she was probably crazy for thinking it, but she couldn’t help it. 

“Hey Ochako,” Izuku whispered, turning around to look at her, “Do you have a pencil I can borrow? Mine broke.”

“Yeah, no problem,” she replied, pulling one out of her bag and handing it to him. After her and Tenya had broken up, Mr. Aizawa had moved the seats. He claimed he wanted a change, but everyone knew it was because he didn’t want Tenya to be so close to her, especially not after that night. 

There was only one problem. Sitting behind Izuku every day, catching wafts of his weird-smelling shampoo, watching him scribble things down in his notebook when he finished his work, was not helping the fact that she was trying not to fall in love with him. She had to resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair at least seven times a day, and it was almost worse at lunch, when they were sitting so close, their knees brushing slightly. Last week, Ochako had almost fallen over when their hands brushed while they were eating, and it was then that she knew it was hopeless.

She was falling in love with him all over again, maybe even more than she had before. 

“Uraraka! Stop daydreaming and pay attention to your assignment,” Ectoplasm called across the classroom, and Ochako’s head snapped towards the front of the room, ignoring the stares and snickers from her classmates. 

“Sorry sir,” she said, looking back at her math, trying to focus on the problems on the page rather than her own.

After ten more minutes of uselessly trying to focus, the bell rang, signaling the end of class. 

“Here Ochako,” Izuku said, turning around and holding out the pencil.

“You can keep it,” she replied, smiling softly at him.

“Thanks!” He tucked the pencil into the pocket of his bag, grinning. She looked down at the books on her desk, trying to ignore the pounding in her chest. Ugh, shut up shut up shut up, she thought, and punched her chest. 

“Um, Uraraka,” Sora called from behind her, “Did you just punch yourself?”

“Maybe?” she said, grinning nervously, turning back to see him and Todoroki laughing.

“You’re such an idiot,” she heard Bakugou growl from Kirishima’s desk, she turned around to playfully stick her tongue out at him. He stood up like he was going to hit her, but Kirishima pulled him back down, laughing.

“Anyway…” Izuku said, rolling his eyes at their friends, “You ready to go talk to Aizawa?”

“Yeah,” she replied, shouldering her bag. The two of them were required by Aizawa to meet with him during lunch once a week to make sure Tenya wasn’t bothering them. He hadn’t tried anything since the breakup, minus the dirty looks he gave the two of them, the hatred in his gaze causing her to shiver every time. Izuku always sensed the unease in her, and was quick to put an arm around her shoulders and pull her away from their ex-friend’s stare. 

“All right then, let’s go.” He smiled at her, and the two of them made their way towards the teacher’s lounge. They walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, heading up the stairs two at a time, laughing as they competed trying to get to the top first. Izuku won, as always, and grinned at her, chuckling as she panted, slightly out of breath. 

“You win this time,” she gasped, smacking his arm lightly, laughing, and they continued up the stairs.

“I think you owe me lunch now,” Izuku teased, bumping her shoulder with his.

“Oh shut up,” she giggled as they walked through the door to the teacher’s lounge, weaving through the cubicles to Aizawa’s. Izuku waved at All Might, who was sitting at his desk, and All Might smiled and waved at them both. 

“Well, you two sure took your time,” Aizawa said, turning around in his chair to look at them.

“Sorry sir,” they chorused, bowing slightly.

“Take a seat,” their teacher said, yawning, gesturing towards the two chairs he had sat out next to his desk. He waited until they settled in to continue. “So, has anything happened recently that I should be aware of?”

“No sir, nothing except dirty looks and snide remarks when he thinks that I can’t hear him, and sometimes at breakfast, or when we’re alone in a room, which isn’t often. Other than that, nothing,” Ochako reported, looking directly at her teacher.

“Wait, what has he been saying to you?” Izuku asked before Aizawa could. 

“It’s-” she started, remembering the day before, when Tenya had been sitting at one of the tables studying when she walked by, talking to Izuku. They had been planning to go to the Garden again, one of their new favorite places to study, out of the dorms and away from Tenya’s glare, when she heard him talking under his breath, mumbling things like ‘you sure move on fast’, and ‘couldn’t wait to be alone with him could you’. She knew he was angry, and jealous of her relationship with Izuku, he always had been, but for some reason, she wanted to scream at him. Ochako was trying so hard to not fall for Izuku all over again, after all, he was her best friend, and he still had a crush on Tsu as far as she knew. “-nothing, you don’t need to worry. Just stupid little petty things.”

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Aizawa said, giving her a look. Ochako could see Izuku in the corner of her eye, pouting. “Midoriya? What about you?”

“Nothing to tell, he’s basically avoided me, I just get the same dirty looks Ochako does.”

“Okay then, well, make sure you tell me if anything else happens,” their teacher ordered, and they both nodded. “Now go to lunch, we have a lot of training this afternoon, and you’ll need to be at your full strength.”

“Yes sir,” they said, and stood. 

“Save me a seat, will you Ochako? I’m going to talk to All Might really quick,” Izuku remarked, turning and heading over to their teacher. 

“Of course,” she replied, and turned to head out of the lounge, only to bump into someone when she opened the door. “Whoops, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going…” her voice faltered when she saw who it was.

“You’re fine,” Tenya muttered, pushing past her into the lounge, making his way to Hound Dog’s office in the back. She shook off her nerves and headed towards the cafeteria. 

Grow up Ochako, she scolded herself as she walked down the stairs. He’s still a person, he was your friend, maybe you should try and reconcile with him. She thought back to the night they broke up, the stinging on her cheek after he slapped it, and bit the inside of her cheek, the way she always did when she was nervous. Maybe, maybe not, she thought, I think I’ll wait for him to apologize before I open myself up to him again. 

She sighed, and headed into the cafeteria, grabbing some food from the line and heading towards the tables. 

“Hey Uraraka!” Sora called from the table where he, Todoroki, Tsu, Momo, and Jirou were sitting. “Come on, we saved you a seat!”

“Thanks!” Ochako smiled at Sora, and took her seat across from the couple, making sure there was an empty seat next to her for Izuku. She made small talk with her friends, eyeing the door throughout the lunch period, but he never came. He’s probably still talking to All Might, she thought, but she was still disappointed. Ochako shook it off, trying not to let it bother her. Calm down, he’s not yours anyway, he likes Tsu, remember? 

Well, even if they get together, you have no right to be jealous, because you’re not in love with him. At least, she kept telling herself that. 

“Ochako?” Tsu asked, setting a hand on her shoulder, bringing Ochako out of her thoughts and back to reality. “It’s time to go, did you not here the bell?” 

“Oh, no sorry,” she replied, plastering a small fake smile in her lips. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well, let’s go okay? We don’t want to be late for class.”

“Okay,” Ochako said, standing up and brushing off her skirt. Tsu handed her her bag, and the two of them followed after Todoroki and Sora. They made their way to the locker room, changing into their gym clothes before heading out to Gym Gamma. 

“Hey guys!” Izuku called, waving as he came out of the boys’ locker room, followed by the Power Couple™ themselves. The five of them walked together, making small talk with each other. Ochako tried to ignore how close Izuku was to Tsu, how they were talking, even if it was about training, it still ate at her. STOP BEING JEALOUS YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, she screamed at herself. 

The envy swirling inside her was making her stomach churn, and she suddenly felt like she was going to puke, the world spinning around her. 

“You, guys go ahead, I’m not feeling well,” she said as they entered the building, turning to go talk to Aizawa. 

“Hey,” Izuku said quietly, lightly grabbing her wrist, anchoring her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry, I think I just need to go and lay down,” she replied, not looking at him.

“Oh, okay,” he answered, and she could tell he was disappointed, and probably a little confused, but she looked at him, smiled slightly, and turned to go talk to their teacher. 

“Mr. Aizawa, sir?” she said, looking up at him. He looked down at her over his clipboard, and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m not feeling well, do I have permission to go back to the dorms until I’m feeling better?”

“Well, normally I wouldn’t let anyone go, but you look like you’re about to pass out so as long as you promise me you’ll let someone accompany you, and make sure you’re in good enough shape to come to class tomorrow.”

“Yes sir,” she replied, getting dizzier by the second. 

“Midoriya!” he called, and she bit the inside of her cheek. Of course he would ask Izuku. Of course. “Come over here.”

“Yes sir?” Izuku said after jogging over to them.

“Will you escort Uraraka here back to the dorms? She’s not feeling well.” 

“Of course.”

“Make sure she gets comfortable, and then come right back- do you understand?” Aizawa asked, and Izuku nodded. “Alright, hurry back.”

The two of them made their way out of the gym, Ochako swaying, trying to stay on her feet. 

“I knew there was something wrong. Why didn’t you say anything?” Izuku asked quietly, turning to look at her. She looked down at her feet, not trusting her voice. Her vision was swimming, and she didn’t even see when she tripped over her own feet, falling forward. Izuku caught her in a split second, effortlessly pulling her up into his arms, carrying her bridal style, not unlike he had the month prior. “Whoa, are you okay?”

She shook her head, putting her arms around his neck to keep from falling. He carried her back to Heights Alliance, looking down at her frequently, a concerned look in his eyes. Izuku pushed the door to their dorms open, his arm still tight around her, holding her against him. 

“What happened?” he asked, shifting his hold while they were in the elevator.

“I-” she started, looking up into his big green eyes, which were filled with worry. She couldn’t tell him it was because she was jealous, God, what the hell was wrong with her? You can’t even look at him talking to another girl without feeling sick? You’re so fucking pathetic, her mind whispered, and tears started to pool in her eyes. 

“Hey, hey don’t worry, we’re almost to your bed, don’t cry,” he soothed, misunderstanding her tears. He gently wiped them away with a brush of his thumb, and held her closer, making his way into the hallway. 

They entered her room, and he set her down lightly on the bed, and she moved to get under the covers. 

“Do you want to talk?” he asked softly, brushing away the last of her tears. 

She shook her head, looking away from him, shame washing over her in waves. If you can’t even watch him talk to someone else, how can you say you’re not in love with him? You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that? You love him, stupid. You always have. She felt the urge to scream out the words, but she bit them back. Stop, you know he likes Tsu, you’ll just make it awkward. 

“Oh,” he said, crestfallen, “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later. I’ll make sure to bring you your work for the rest of the day.”

“Okay,” she replied, looking down at her blankets and picking at the threads, trying to avoid his gaze. 

“Bye.” he said quietly, and turned to walk out of the room. Ochako felt terrible, but she didn’t know if she could speak without screaming those three little words that always seemed to mess everything up. 

She waited until he closed the door, and groaned. What’s wrong with you? He’s your best friend, get a grip. Stop falling in love with him. But she couldn’t. It was impossible. She was falling for him harder than she’d ever fallen for anyone. 

I love him, she thought, and tears welled in her eyes. God, I love him. It was the only way to explain everything she’d been feeling in the past few months. Ochako was in love with Izuku. All over again. She stuffed her pillow in her face and screamed into it, feeling like the worst person in the world for pushing him away.

…

Ochako’s newfound realization was keeping her awake. She had been trying to sleep, even though it was only dinner time, but her mind was screaming, running over things he might say if she told him, what would happen to their friendship. Ochako leaned over and grabbed her phone, texting the 2A girls’ group chat.

2A’s Awesome Blossoms 

Ochako: hey you guys?

Momo: yeah Ochako?

Mina: what’s up girl? 

Toru: yeah, r u okay? u didn’t come down to eat

Ochako: i’m okay, but do you guys think you can bring some food and a movie up here and we can just chill and talk? we haven’t done that in a while, and i miss it

Tsu: yeah that sounds super fun i’m down!

Mina: ooh girl’s night

Kyoka: as long as we watch howl’s moving castle

Momo: oh my gosh kyoka, i’m dead

Toru: we’re on our way!

A few minutes later, Ochako heard a knock on her door, and the girls made their way in. Jirou was carrying several blankets, Momo had a huge bag slung over her shoulder (which no doubt full of food), Hagakure was carrying three ginormous teddy bears, per usual, and Mina was parading around with Howl’s Moving Castle while Tsu followed her with a terrified look on her face. Ochako smiled, and climbed out of bed to help them set up the food and the movie. Momo unpacked her bag, revealing twenty packs of ramen. 

“Whoa, babe was twenty necessary?” Jirou snorted, while the other girls laughed.

Momo blushed. “I figured we’d probably want extras later.”

“Oh, wait, did anyone bring bowls?” Hagakure asked, reaching for the packs of chopsticks. 

“Oops, I forgot!” Momo exclaimed, and sighed. “Give me a sec.” In a flash, six bowls were on the table. 

“Thanks!” Mina exclaimed, bouncing around in excitement. “I’ll go get some water from the bathroom!” Ochako honestly wasn’t surprised when they pulled an electric kettle out of the bag. 

The girls laughed and talked, like they hadn’t in a while, catching up on each other’s lives while they set up their sleepover station. Tsu put their movie into the computer while Momo and Jirou made the ramen, and Mina, Ochako, and Hagakure set up the pillows and blankets on the floor, making a comfy place for the girls to sleep. 

“So,” Tsu started when they finally settled down to eat, blowing on her food lightly. “How have you been feeling Ochako?”

“I’ve been okay,” she replied instantly, taking a bite of her dinner.

“You’re not still torn up over Tenya, right?” Hagakure asked.

“No, he doesn’t really bother me anymore. Besides, I have you guys to distract me.”

“And Midoriya,” Mina chirped, wagging her eyebrows at Ochako, who choked on her noodles. “Well, it’s true! You two have been inseparable since your breakup!” 

“She’s right,” Jirou interjected, ignoring the look on Ochako’s face. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you guys were dating.”

Ochako shook her head frantically, and sputtered, “No, it’s not like that!”

“Oh it’s not?” Mina asked incredulously.

“No!” Ochako screeched, her hands flying to her face.

“You know Ochako,” Mina said mischievously, tapping her finger against her chin. “I think you’re catching feelings. I don’t want to name any names, but I’m fairly sure it’s a certain green haired note-taking cutie, am I right?”

Ochako groaned into her hands, earning laughter from all the other girls. “Even if that’s true, which I will not confirm or deny, he told me he likes someone else.”

“Wait what?” Tsu exclaimed, looking up from her food, confusion coloring her face. “When was this?” 

“Like a month and a half ago, after the night we all went to dinner.”

“Who did he say he liked?” Hagakure asked, and when Ochako’s head fell back into her hands, Toru took this opportunity to poke her with her chopstick. “Come on, tell us!”

“Well, he told me he liked Tsu, and honestly, it’s been tearing me up, because oh my God guys, I’ve fallen completely head over heels for him,” Ochako sighed, setting down her chopsticks, covering her face.

“I KNEW IT!” Mina yelled, falling backward onto the pile of pillows. 

“Wait a minute,” Momo interjected, her face bearing the same confused look as Tsu. “He told you he liked Tsu?”

“Yeah, why?” Ochako asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. 

“You’ll have to ask him about it, my lips are sealed,” Tsu said quickly, and before pretending to lock her lips shut, she added, “But I can tell you he’s never liked me.”

“Wait, now you have to tell me, I’m going to die,” Mina squealed, and Tsu shook her head, gesturing towards her now “locked” lips. Mina pouted and stuck her tongue out at Tsu, crossing her arms. “I’m offended.”

“Anyway,” Jirou said, gesturing towards the computer screen. “Can we watch Howl’s Moving Castle now?”

The girls laughed, and Ochako moved to press play. They watched the movie, occasionally commenting on things that happened, but Ochako was having trouble concentrating. The things Tsu had said to her were filling her brain, keeping her from focusing on the film. ‘But I can tell you he’s never liked me.’

What had she meant by that?

Izuku stood in shock, his fist hovering over the door to Ochako’s room. He had been about to knock when he heard his name. 

“And Midoriya,” he heard Mina say, and he heard the sound of someone coughing violently. “Well, it’s true! You two have been inseparable since your breakup!” 

“She’s right,” Jirou’s voice interjected. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you guys were dating.”

“No, it’s not like that!” he could hear Ochako shriek. 

“Oh it’s not?” Mina asked incredulously.

“No!” Ochako screeched, her voice muffled as if her face was covered. 

“You know Ochako,” Mina said. “I think you’re catching feelings. I don’t want to name any names, but I’m fairly sure it’s a certain green haired note-taking cutie, am I right?” Izuku froze, and he knew he should walk away, do the gentlemanly thing and stop listening, or, the more tempting option, he could stay and listen in, they were talking about him after all. Fuck it, I gave up being a man of character when I fell in love with her while she was dating Iida. 

Ochako groaned, and the other girls laughed. “Even if that’s true, which I will not confirm or deny, he told me he likes someone else.” Shit, he’d almost forgotten he told her that. Fuck, Tsu’s going to see right through it. 

Sure enough, he heard Tsu ask when this had happened. 

“Like a month and a half ago, after the night we all went to dinner.”

“Who did he say he liked?” Hagakure asked. “Come on, tell us!”

“Well, he told me he liked Tsu, and honestly, it’s been tearing me up, because oh my God guys, I’ve fallen completely head over heels for him,” Ochako sighed, and Izuku’s heart stopped, and he felt his breathing slow to a stop for a moment before he recovered, setting a hand against the wall to steady himself. Falling head over heels…. For me? Izuku felt like he was in a cheesy teen romance movie, it didn’t feel real. Ochako…. Likes me back? Izuku resisted the urge to burst into the room and kiss her, but instead slid to the floor, his heart beating wildly. 

His heart was beating so loudly, he could barely hear what was happening in the room, and he decided he should probably leave, he could give Ochako her work in the morning. He stood up shakily, blowing out an unsteady breath, and making his way to the elevator, heading to his room, and throwing himself down on the bed, too excited to sleep, his heart beating so fast he thought it might explode.

He let out a shaky laugh, running his hands through his hair, letting the happiness wash over him. She likes me back. God, he was so happy.

He sat like that, staring at the empty ceiling, a big, stupid grin on his face, for a few more hours until he fell asleep, where he dreamt happy, blissful dreams.

…

“So,” All Might said, setting his tea down on the table and looking at Izuku. “Where do you think you’re going to go for your work study this year?”

“I’m not sure,” Izuku answered honestly. It was the day after he heard Ochako and the other girls talking about him, and he still couldn’t believe she liked him. He was currently All Might’s office, talking about his plans for the near future. 

“You’ve gotten quite a few agencies that want you for their program, especially after your performance at the Sports Festival,” his mentor continued, “You could even go back to Endeavor’s agency if you wanted to, even though he’s still a little angry at you for saving Uraraka. Centipeder contacted me, and told me you’d be welcome back there anytime.”

“I don’t think I’m quite ready to go back yet,” Izuku said in a small voice, setting his tea on the table in front of him. 

“I understand that, and I don’t blame you,” All Might said, setting a hand on Izuku’s shoulder. “And you don’t have to if you don’t want to, all though it would be good for you, and you would get to see Young Togata again!”

“You’re right All Might, maybe I should go back! I haven’t seen Mirio in a while!”

“Good,” All Might said, smiling at Izuku, and ruffled his hair affectionately. “Now, I have a question for you, Young Midoriya.”

“Yes sir?” 

“What are you planning to do about Miss Uraraka?”

“Wait what?” Izuku asked, his mouth dropping open momentarily before he hastily slapped it shut. 

“You heard me, the other teachers and I have a bet going on, and I want to win. I bet good money that you’d ask her out in the next week, so what is it? Because I am not going to let Cementoss win again. He won with Young Todoroki and Murakami, and I am not going to let him take this from me!”

Izuku gaped at his mentor, shaking his head, his face warming as he turned red from embarrassment. “Well, I was planning on talking to her whenever I get the chance to…”

“HA! I knew it!” All Might exclaimed, patting Izuku on the back, grinning. “Thank you my boy, you’ve just guaranteed me 2500 yen!”

Izuku laughed as his mentor, shaking his head. He honestly wasn’t even surprised. All Might loved to include himself in his students' love lives, along with all the other teachers. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

“Alright, now get going my boy! Wouldn’t want you to be late!” All Might boomed, clapping Izuku on the back again. 

“Late for what?” Izuku asked, collecting his things and standing up, looking at his mentor quizzically.

“To ask out your lady friend of course!”

“Oh my God, All Might, please stop,” Izuku cried, putting his face behind his hand, his face flaming.

“Never,” All Might beamed at him, and Izuku ducked behind the door, calling out a frantic goodbye and slamming the door behind him, and All Might chuckled. Izuku hurried down the hall towards the exit of the school. He was going to head back to the dorms and study for a while, they did have a huge English test coming up after all. 

When he entered the dorms, he saw Ochako sitting in the kitchen, talking to Yaomomo and Jirou, laughing, and happy, and he felt a smile come to his face. Aw man I love her, he thought, and he couldn’t wait to tell her how he felt, after holding it in for so long. At the same time, telling her was the thing he was dreading the most. What if she rejected him? Told him she didn’t want to be with him? 

No, be positive, he scolded, pressing the up button on the elevator and heading up to his room. You know she likes you, your only problem is that she still thinks you like Tsu. Now that was going to be a problem. 

Don’t worry about it, just let what happens happen. Izuku sighed, heading into his room and closing the door behind him, sitting at his desk and grabbing his textbook. It was going to be a late night.

…

Izuku stared at the English book in front of him, rubbing his eyes and looking at the All Might clock  on his desk. 12:40. He looked at it in shock. Have I really been studying for that long? His stomach rumbled, interrupting his thoughts. He had skipped dinner, trying to not only study, but also come up with a plan to ask Ochako out, neither of which were coming along well. His stomach growled again, and he sighed. I might as well go eat, maybe there’s some left over dinner…. 

Izuku quietly made his way towards the elevator, hitting the button and waiting for it to arrive. He ran a hand through his messy hair, yawning as the elevator dinged, and he stepped inside. As he made the descent to the first floor, he let his mind wander, thinking of Ochako’s face if he confessed to her, her eyes bright, telling him she loved him too… it probably wouldn’t happen like that, but he couldn’t help but dream. 

He made his way into the kitchen, walking over to the cabinet and grabbing a mug, putting some water on the stove to make some tea while he busied himself making food. He walked over to the fridge, looking to see if there were any leftovers from that night’s dinner. Ah ha! Yes! He pumped his fist, pulling out the thermos of soup, and grabbing a bowl out of the cabinet closest to him, pouring the soup into it and setting it in the microwave. 

“Izuku?” he heard from behind him, and he practically jumped out of skin, earning a giggle from the person behind him. He turned to see Ochako, her hair in a messy bun plopped on the top of her head, little wisps of hair escaping out of the back, her brown eyes bright. “What are you doing down here?”

“Well, I didn’t come down for dinner, and I was hungry….” he trailed off, and she smiled. 

“Oh yeah, why weren’t you at dinner? I missed you,” she asked, cocking her head to the side, and coming over to the cabinet to grab a mug, and grabbing a lavender tea bag out of the container. He smiled, and turned to look at his food still in the microwave. She missed me.

“I was studying, and the time got away from me, I’m sorry,” he said, the smile still on his face.

“Why are you sorry silly? I’m having trouble believing you were studying for that long, I mean my goodness!” She laughed, and the sound made him smile even wider, warmth rushing over him, and confidence filled him. 

“Ochako, I have something to tell you,” he said, the sudden boost of confidence spurring him forward. She looked up from the sink where she was washing her hands and smiled at him.

“What’s up?” she said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel and turned towards him. They were standing only about a foot apart, and Izuku bit his lip, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. “You okay?” she asked, stepping a little closer to him, looking in his eyes.

“Yes, never better,” he replied, and smiled at her.

“So what’s up?” She turned to her mug, pouring water into it. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for every scenario he’d seen in his head, especially the bad ones.

“I’m in love with you.” Ochako dropped the spoon she was holding, her breath hitching. She spun around to look at him, her eyes asking a million questions. 

“What did you say?” she breathed, her auburn eyes sparkling, a smile tugging on the corners of her lips. 

“I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while now. It’s totally okay if you don’t but-” 

She cut him off by crushing her lips against his. He stiffened for a second, not expecting this, but quickly melted into the kiss, his hands going to her waist, pulling her in. Her fingers found their way into his hair, anchoring him to her. Their kiss deepened, and all Izuku could think was that he was kissing Ochako, and her lips were softer than he ever thought they’d be and tasted of her strawberry chapstick. They pulled apart for air, and he burrowed his face into her hair. 

“I love you Izuku, oh my God I love you too,” she breathed, and he felt so blissfully happy in that moment, he couldn’t have cared less if someone walked in and saw them kissing, he didn’t care what anyone else thought. Ochako Uraraka loved him, and that was all he would care about for as long as he knew her.