#the happier I am the more toxic the rs

[kneelingshadowsalome]

A gentle reminder that I'm taking a break from answering asks & from writing overall, but I haven't abandoned my Christian Woman fic 🩷 The last 2 chapters are going through an editing process so please be patient, you won't be left high and dry with it :)

[harinezumiko]

SU Movie Meta n Notions

Courtesy of @thoughttrainderailed​ putting up with my half-not-awake ramblings and chiming in to pour more gas on this shit. 

This could be complaint-flavored but it’s also fic notes flavored, except it’s like three goddamn fix-it-fics worth of notes for more Nanowrimos than I’ll ever complete. :’D 

Harinezumiko:

unrelated

but

I wonder if Lion adopting Cotton Candy Garnet is related to the fact that Garnet became a cat person and Cat Steven adopted Lion

Jaakusan:

I dig it

Harinezumiko:

since NOBODY ELSE WAS TAKING CARE OF THIS EXTREMELY LOST BUBBLE at that point

I am willing to accept Lion recognizing her as regressing to a kitten

you know what would've been a fun angle that we won't get

and perhaps goes against the supposed Intention of Spinel being toxic

but I would still find it more interesting than the nothing we get

Jaakusan:

?

Harinezumiko:

1) I would like Lion being a goddamn cat and therefore Capable of Therapy When Compelled to be a Thing

2) I want Spinel to have made An Attempt at fixing her hair for the Diamonds, only for Lion to immediately ruin her odangos

3) I would also like the fact that HEY SPINEL LOOK LION IS ALSO SOMETHING PINK JUST FUCKIN' DITCHED :| :| to be a Thing

4) also I still want Pearls Brigade On Earth, but I like the imagery of Lion knocking Spinel's attempt to Make Heart Odango because quit your shit

Jaakusan:

hahaha

Harinezumiko:

5) since we don't get a Hey Solidarity With Pearl Because Pearl Doesn't Count Rite Homeworld Elites Fuck U Spinel, I want her to accidentally end up with literally anything from Earth that she has attachment to and incentive to Suck Less for?

like I know she's a movie character and likely I won't have to deal with her again

but

I am still angery that they made as little attempt as possible at hiding that writing Spinel and the Diamonds off was just convenient and lazy, Spinel doesn't care that she fucked up the Earth with apparently her own stupid toxin and doesn't care about anyone there and that pisses me off.

I don't even care if she made a vague excuse about coming back to visit just Lion

I think that would've been a better end note than getting whisked off by the Fairy Tyrant Godmoms to live in the Castle in the Sky forever and never have to deal with things again

also I think it would be nice if Spinel, y'know, had any interest in any of the characters she hung out with except Steven during her reset day

because only Pink caused your problems you dumb shit

you still owe Garnet an apology and frankly everyone else too, but GIVE A SHIT. ANY OF A SHIT. EVEN A SMALL TURD OF A SHIT. ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN PINK

Jaakusan:

yeeeaaaah

I would have liked

like okay keep her going off with the diamonds, my feelings about how that can so easily go Wrong aside

but when they pop up have Pink Pearl with them

and PP talks her down

because you know who is exactly as new to grieving Pink as Spinel?

Pink Pearl

Harinezumiko:

yes100% this

Jaakusan:

who thought everything was hunky-dory and is now cast adrift with nobody to cling to?

Pink Pearl

Harinezumiko:

also I am really pissed that like

yeah we got some fun Reset Pearl Nonsense

Jaakusan:

who fucking enjoyed the silly side of Pink that she probably copied from Spinel?Pink Pearl

Harinezumiko:

but we are still facing Pearls Have No Agency And Nobody Finds That Bad Except People Who Know Our Pearl Personally

we still don't see YP or BP for more than a cameo where they don't interact directly with anyone

and they're just being another Utena reference anyway

like they seem to be happier and more comfortable but they don't interact directly with anyone and they literally only get like one off the cuff remark about Steven who doesn't count and isn't part of Gem Society

dude seriously Pink Pearl has so much room to be interesting adjacent from Spinel

but the lack of anything from Spinel even acknowledging that any Gems that aren't Diamonds exist beyond being props doesn't yet bode well for me?

because Spinel is an invitation for the Diamonds to resume something familiar and comfortable, but it's with a literally toxic person who wants to change and is being put in a world where change is not a thing

Spinel has never been part of Homeworld society either, she's been Pink's garden playmate

Jaakusan:

YEAH

(brb closing up to move computer)

Harinezumiko:

(ngl though I would totally take Pink Pearl showing up and fuckin' Asuka Slapping Spinel)

kk <3

Jaakusan:

and back

I just

sigh

it's weird to phrase it like this but

I just want characters that aren't Steven or the immediate antagonist to get significant interactions

the memory sequences still don't count

Harinezumiko:

I agree 100%

Jaakusan:

that's just bringing them back up to par

Harinezumiko:

I also think like

while I would've had even less fun with the movie it. literally squandered so much room for Steven to work with the Barn Gays

Jaakusan:

YES

Harinezumiko:

like... why. what was the point. stop increasing the cast and bringing people back if I don't get to see them do anything

Jaakusan:

YES

Harinezumiko:

I get that RS trapped herself with the stupid Steven Limited POV thing

I still think it's stupid

I think the movie could've cut away from that

I think we could've done away with that in Change Your Mind

I think we could've bullshit excuse handwaved it with some garbage about how Steven re-integrated with Pink Steeb and it allowed him to grow and broadened his worldview because the limited POV was something something Pink Steeb 'shielding' Steven and thus the viewers from Other Stuff

we have a two year time skip because RS was struggling to write things in Steeb's POV and for fucking what, to STILL have a limited protag POV?!

and I know the show is Steven's story

but if it's been something the crew has struggled with

since

I think they said somewhere around like season four was when they started being like "fff" about it

THEN FIX IT

Jaakusan:

eeeesh

Harinezumiko:

FIX IT IN THE MOVIE

FIX IT IN THE TIME SKIP

NOBODY FUCKING CARES IT WON'T HARM THE VIEWERS TO GET AN EXPANDED EXPERIENCE?

like I know that was a Thing RS Wanted To Maintain

and I suspect the rapid writing deterioration of MLP in later seasons didn't help

but fuck everything to do with this like... oh whoops nobody else can do anything protag is the only one who's not an NPC thing

Jaakusan:

YEAH

SO MANY PEOPLE COULD HAVE DONE THINGS

T H E Y H A V E A N A R M Y

Harinezumiko:

THEY HAVE AN ARMY

THEY HAVE NANEFUA

MISS ME WITH NOBODY IN BEACH CITY CAN DO ANYTHING, THE ONLY ONE THERE WHO SUCKS IS RONALDO

Jaakusan:

YOU CANNOT TELL ME IN TWO YEARS NANEFUA DIDN'T INPUT ANTI-GEM MEASURES IN CASE THIS BULLSHIT STARTED UP AGAIN

Harinezumiko:

dude you can't tell me other Gems didn't help

Jaakusan:

other paranoid just-got-out-of-a-war gems

just got out of a war gems living with gems they were fighting against

Harinezumiko:

you can't tell me that CGs that did believe in Pink's cause outside of Avoid Homeworld Live On Earth Forever would just

be totally cool

with this threat on their Earth, a threat that exclusively targets the organic life there

they're not even proactive in protecting the fucking humans?

are you shitting me?

someone please go fetch the Famethyst they APPARENTLY need to teach the rebels how to not just LET GOLDFISH DIE

Jaakusan:

SERIOUSLY

WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THE GEMS GO DURING THE CATASTROPHE

WHICH STILL SHOULD HAVE EFFECTED MORE THAN. JUST BEACH CITY.

Harinezumiko:

they went to the concert and were totally unperturbed that Amethyst turned into Rose, duh

Jaakusan:

Famethyst would have been another acceptable Deal With Spinel cameo

Harinezumiko:

all of me as a person would like that

Jaakusan:

they have experience with being abandoned disappointments AND with wrangling people who are Upset and don't want to cooperate for their own good

Harinezumiko:

I also think that, y'know, STILL NOT DEALING WITH THE ROSE QUARTZES which I still think are rhinestones is bullshit

Amethyst could've at least lampshaded it

STEVEN could've

fuck, dude, Blue is like OMG A PINK TREASURE??? like yes like the zoomans how the fuck's Holly's stress level btw

Jaakusan:

seriously

WHERE ARE THE ROSE QUARTZES, CREW

WHAT DID THE DIAMONDS DO WITH THEM NOW

Harinezumiko:

where's Jasper

lmao

also host and I were talking about like

Jaakusan:

y u p

Harinezumiko:

Jasper having more room for redemption than Holly

because duh

but also because Holly has been trapped with a bunch of Remarkably Well-Adjusted War Veterans Who Are Extremely Friendly for thousands of years and the stick is still firmly up her ass

and Jasper is... apparently Gifted Child Who Can't Escape Her One (1) Big Failure And Is Branded By Being The Best Of Trash?

which is why she's a bully?

but you can't tell me Bismuth wouldn't brawl it out with her

or that they wouldn't be able to bond over Pink/Rose not trusting of them

or that it's fucking hard being on Earth where you did all this fighting, and you liked fighting, but the reason is Gone and your anger's still thereYou can't tell me that Bismuth doesn't ever have to deal with Gems now who think she's still in her little box and won't see past it, or that it pisses her entirely off but she can't kick ass and take names because Peace Time

bullshit they don't both have war PTSD

bullshit Jasper wouldn't have to grudgingly respect that Bismuth is demonstrably more useful and capable than her intended purpose

and like let's be real

it would be much easier for Jasper to swallow that pill than that Pearl isn't just brokenPearl keeps getting painted as abnormal by everyone's standards for not being a purse

as much as I want Pearl to kick Jasper's ass and have Jasper have to reassess things, canon isn't really setting Jasper up to have that epiphany, not even counting the show's unwillingness to just LET PEARL NOT SUCK AT FIGHTING

but also Bismuth is why Lapis happened

Bismuth was in Beta to kick quartz ass and attacked Lapis who was there to check the results of the hasty terraforming job done on that Kindergarten

Jaakusan:

yeah

Harinezumiko: 

there's so much room to close that story arc

and for Jasper to have to get her head out of the sand and reassess things because the world doesn't make sense anymore but who cares because she and Bismuth can punch the fuck out of each other for hours and Bismuth doesn't think less of her for it

Jasper doesn't have a peer she can 1:1 with because apparently even Garnet wasn't strength-equal to her, but Jasper's going to need several kicks in the head before she can accept that Garnet isn't 2:1

but Bismuth isn't a superior officer, her quarry of origin doesn't matter socially the way Jasper's does, and bullshit they won't get along like a house on fire if Bismuth can make friends with Lapis

Jaakusan:

seeeeeeriously

Harinezumiko:

and Bismuth would 100% be like

Jasper I have a suggestion

MAKE THINGS

shut up I know you hate art because it's frivolous but DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR ENERGY

you'll FEEL BETTER and maybe you'll even find out you like doing a thing and if it's not something you were designed for then who fuckin' cares if you're not instantly the Best At It bitch that's good for you, learn to make stuff.

Jaakusan:

yessssss

Harinezumiko:

hell, like

they even could've lampshaded Jasper being MIA in the movie

Yellow for Some Fucking Reason cancelled her war plans Everywhere even though their whole empire relies on it

Jasper's off Doing That

they could've had several CGs offworld to handwave that too, like

they're not here and yeah we could call their ship with Lars' fuckin ship (where’s Emerald at?) but even if they could get back in time they couldn't evacuate Beach City because the warp drives would need time to recover that we don't have

Earth's not exactly a place teeming with non-organic energy to just power Gem ships

also in that vein likeI think it would've been good to have like

something

about Yellow not having to just dismantle everything she's ever done on her own?

like

does Blue

not have diplomats

was her one (1) skill really just Pushing With Crying

Jaakusan:

shrug 

I can't imagine she needed diplomats with how they treat alien life

I could maybe see her trying to create a diplomatic corp now

but they had no reason for one prior to reformatting the empireI do wonder if they just

stopped kindergarten production and pulled out

or if they tried to rebuild the planets they ravaged

Harinezumiko:

right?

well and like

it sounded like Sapphire was somewhat that kind of Aristocracy

so like

why not

have sapphires who are fairly Revered and also can at least theoretically guess if diplomacy rolls will fail

go help... with peace efforts...

Jaakusan:

at a guess

because they haven't actually reformed yet

they're still at the stage of "we're doing this because we love Pink/Steven and we want Steven to stick around" and not "we've internalized the teachings and Believe we were Wrong"so they're doing like

the bare minimum to meet expectations

because they don't actually care about the results outside of "Steven said we're doing good"

Harinezumiko:

oh no I agree

I think that's more believable

but I think that's not convenient for the writers who keep trying to cut corners

so most likely they'll offscreen epiphany if they don't backslide instantly and in a way Steven can yell at them for in his lifetime

and then Steven will at some point be Happily Surprised by undue progress

Jaakusan:

probably sigh

Harinezumiko:

I'm willing to believe like

Jaakusan:

the Diamonds are getting the Barn treatment

Harinezumiko:

Blue might actually Get It

not because she really Gets It

but because the Oh My God Pink Is Gone Because Of Us, I think, left an impact

and she otherwise did somehow come to the conclusion that Not All Organics Are The Worst likely because they remind her of Pink

but while she thought Pink was literally for real dead, she did get to find out that something as fragile and short-lived as an Um Greg Universe can potentially understand her feelings despite being literally immune to her miasma sadness

and now that she's making a conscious effort not to do that, and following having Yellow's breakdown during their fight in Change Your Mind, I think she'll be more proactive

and possibly more willing to take interest in other species and cultures and their Ways, even if I'm sure at first it'll still be motivated by Because Pink

and as long as she can be empathetic and help Yellow on that front, Yellow can potentially afford breaking down sometimes in private, because they've now also both seen what Constant Facade turned White into

and they both want White back

none of them can have Pink back but they can keep each other together, so Fairy Godmoms can get their shit together, and maybe Blue has a shit ton of notes somewhere about sustaining the Zoomans that can be implemented toward other planets and species and families they broke up

Jaakusan:

nodnod

Harinezumiko:

but realistically, if they were living on human time, it would take the rest of their natural lives to get their family shit together

and they don't get to do that because they're royalty

Jaakusan:

(I want Greg and Blue to be friends and Yellow to be like are you fucking serious Pink chose this and just eternally stink eye him)

Harinezumiko:

they're the entire ruling class of an immortal race of Gems who've spent millennia not only Doing War Things By Design but also who've been made only to Do War Things

like, how do you even dismantle that without wiping a clean slate

we saw how useless it was trying to give a day old Pearl choices

how the fuck are these emotionally constipated Broken God Queens supposed to unlearn their own shit and lead by example

they can't un-design Gems predate Pink

(I mean the solution is to step down and put other Gems in charge but that's still not an instant solution and we still won't fucking get to see it in the show)

(But the point remains that short of some deus ex machina hivemind available to make all the other pearls not overwhelm if you ask to be called Pink Lasagna you don't even have direct underlings that can sit in for you, like, fuck guys, you lost one of your set and made no contingency plan for if it happened again)

(you fucking honest to God thought Something could shatter you and you didn't properly wipe out the entire planet and star system it came from? you're asking for a second round.)

Jaakusan:

jesus, right???

like

real talk

as soon as the movie introduced the concept of concentrated organic murder juice

my first thought was

okay why the FUCK didn't they bomb Earth with that when they lost the war????

have fun on your useless fucking dead rock you'll never have the resources and tech to get off of, rebels

those that survive the earth collapsing because apparently it also breaks up the actual planet rather than just poisoning Everything

Harinezumiko:

right??

well and like

clearly

they just MAKE PLANET KILLER AND STORE IT SOMEWHERE

which I mean I guess if it weren't pink and clearly custom and if it hadn't been a literal fucking hour tops Spinel could've nicked it if the Diamonds really had just pulled the plug on things and abandoned projects

which is still bullshit

but it's still bullshit they should've addressed

Jaakusan:

yeeeeeaaaaah

Harinezumiko:

likeI know it's something Pink likely wouldn't know shit about

but Steven after working with the Diamonds to dismantle the shit?

yeah

uh

he needs to know that shit

Spinel also can't be the only Gem that takes this bullshit badly

Jaakusan:

no reckless dumping of toxic chemicals

Harinezumiko:

not everything needs to be a response to Pink

Jaakusan:

YEAH

Harinezumiko:

that was one of the few things I did like about Steg

not him specifically

but that the first attempt failed because it hinged on Rose Is The Answer

Jaakusan:

but Pearl's whole memory sequence?

yeah

Harinezumiko:

but I maintain the entire movie fails hard at what this show is allegedly about

because no one except Garnet exists because of interaction with friends or family

no one is a product of love

Steven spends the entire movie trying to recreate the traumas that he thinks are the Defining Thing despite that literally not being what worked on Amethyst and despite getting Rupphire to fuse not fixing Garnet for ?? reasons 

I am still mad that we finally get Garnet being Wrong and it's swept under the rug, like? Garnet apparently DOESN'T exist on her own. there is, allegedly, no Garnet if Ruby and Sapphire don't remember it? Are you fucking me?

like A Garnet exists but it's not This Garnet even though as long as Ruby and Sapphire's love exists she should also exist because she's the embodiment of a concept

at the very minimum they should have given Garnet an in-movie explanation for not Remembering Herself

and that explanation doesn't get to be that she finds out that truth is a fucking concept

Jaakusan:

SERIOUSLY THAT WAS SO DUMB

Harinezumiko:

if Garnet's going to spend the entire movie asking stupid shit and getting nowhere then her epiphany should come from finding an answer, and we've already established Garnet's answer IS LOVE

we literally could've had it triggered by something else too like

address the future vision thing

fucking have Steven ask it outright

have Garnet admit she doesn't know

have Bismuth point out the visor thing

hell, you can still have Steven leave Toddler Garnet with Anthy Pearl if you want to

Have Garnet looking for something, have it be her visor, have it be clarity, have Garnet's uncertainty addressed by anyone literally at all

have fucking Amethyst after she gets her shit together remark that Garnet looks weird without her visor

have Pearl who at least KIND OF ends up on Babysitting Cotton Candy Duty for all of 5 seconds afterwards suggest her visor helps her focus

Jaakusan:

maybe based off a Sapphire having only one eye

Harinezumiko:

have Spinel's pot shot not be that Garnet is cute and stupid and trusting, but that she's a three-eyed freak who's still blind to what's happening right beneath them because the Earth's definitely going to fucking explode now and have Garnet make her glasses

have Garnet find her fucking goddamn truth if you're not going to let her answer be love, have Garnet make a decision in the same way that Pearl is allowed to make a choice, and tie it into Amethyst making a friend in Steven

Jaakusan:

YEAH

Harinezumiko:

there's a post about how Steven's failure is defining himself and the Gems by their trauma, as if trauma isn't part of what shapes you

but the post doesn't fucking even TOUCH on the fact that the movie doesn't supplement this traumatic shit with any of the supposed Family Bonding Crystal Gems Values that the show is allegedly made of

you know

the ball

they dropped

in Change Your Mind

:|

:| :|

okay in all of S5

Jaakusan:

Y E A H

Harinezumiko:

no one in this fucking movie does any soul searching at all and it Pisses Me Off

we get some from goddamn Spinel and while the number was enjoyable it has no impact on anything

she learns nothing

she still tries to kill everyone the second she stops getting her way

and she gets a Happily Ever After

and Idgaf that it's more true to Real Life why am I watching a cartoon if you're going to tell me Steven will never get to rest but Spinel gets to live in a castle with no consequences

why does Spinel get a fairytale ending if she's toxic, Sugar

Jaakusan:

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAH

the memory wiping literally had no point other than filling time

time that could have been filled with better, more meaningful things

Harinezumiko:

I even liked the memory wiping! Except nobody learned anything after

I would love a well-done amnesia season

I would love Slice of Life season: Everyone Learns What Life Is For

Jaakusan:

ooooh

Harinezumiko:

like, since we don't fucking HAVE SEASON SIX YET, there's no. reason to pin the movie as "vaguely adjacent to the timeline but don't worry about it"

I know it's because Movie and whatever

but you could just use the movie to launch the next season, mang

you could have Spinel apologize to Steven because she can't fix what the scythe did because the scythe isn't even fucking hers

it's a known weapon and it should've been the goddamn shoe-drop for Peridot being afraid of being harvested

have the movie lay the foundation for Steven trying to rebuild his home and his friends and his family without the Diamonds' intervention

the way the Crystal Gems deserve

give Earth a fresh slate since we don't know the goddamn background Gems

give the OG Mom Squad the chance to be welcomed by friends they don't know anymore, dismantle the Homeworld Defaults that they've been left with, let the secondary characters shine for two hours, and open Season Six with things being Different and Steven having to learn that It Be Like That Sometimes 

in the same way the corrupted Gems have to

let Mom Squad become nurturing by choice this time

let Steven be the person in the forefront of their memories, not millennia of Rose

and drop Jasper on the beach in a space pod only to find that Garnet can't fight, Rose's base is taken, her army is lost, the Pearl's not even defective anymore, and Amethyst is. kinda honestly the most functional person here and why the fuck is that the case

Give Season Six the chance to be the Barn Squad + Jasper helping Steven pick up the pieces of his life while Jasper occasionally chimes in still stuck in her ways, have Jasper get uncomfortably attached to this half-feral runt Amethyst that won't let go of her shins

have Jasper be aware that the CGs are Broken and Wrong and have that be what prompts her to fix it. Give her the excuse of wanting to kick Garnet's ass. Have her land on the beach in her Saiyan Pod totally visibly uncorrupted

have the season include the other remaining CGs trying to find themselves too

(and obviously reveal mid-season that Jasper's putting on airs and hiding her horns and spots in her costume change+hair, have her unwilling to admit it might be permanent for everyone, have her invested at that point enough that she doesn't find it acceptable)

(and then have her get the fuckin Piccolo treatment. have her get better as she becomes a better person.)

Amethyst can still be the first to really Get It, even

Amethyst accidentally shows it by shapeshifting without horns

because she knows Jasper doesn't have them anymore

have Jasper lapse back into being a Rampant Bitch sometimes at characters who don't deserve it and have Amethyst, the feral child not long enough ago, react badly

Jaakusan:

yesssssssss

Harinezumiko:

like I know this suffers from I Just Want Jasper Screentime

but the writers ALREADY SKIPPED SHOWING US BARN GAYS DEVELOPING ON SCREEN

have Jasper be an outsider who thinks it's Weird and Wrong for different reasons than Steven but have them join in their goal to make Earth home again because they've both lost that

also have literally every other quartz on Earth awkwardly defaulting to assuming Connie's mom and/or Barb are agates

[vacationcalendar]

8/13/21

Today’s creative project, an private letter (it could have been an open letter, but who the hell is reading this besides myself and maybe the person receiving it) to Voyboy. He’s been in a rough place mentally/emotionally. He’s had some deaths in his family which is never easy, and his attempt to de-platform a twitch streamer with a known history of sexual abuse has earned him undue (and as is sadly routine, SEVERE) ire from fans of said streamer. 

It’s so weird, there’s obviously people who are like, “I’m not getting involved. I don’t care enough to inform myself well enough to have an opinion.” And those people are also split into camps that either approve or disapprove of “rocking the boat” as it were. Some people think this level of calling-out is too incendiary for the offense. Some people find the subject uncomfortable and wish it would go away, with the unfortunate default to that view being an acquiescence of justice for the accused.

And some people are also hung up on the justice part in particular. This entire affair is being conducted in the infamous “Court of Public Opinion.” A forum that has been dragged out MUCH more frequently in this modern age than in history. That fact alone upsets people. Hell, it’s bothered me in the past. I see the Court of Public Opinion make a ruling, and I think, “I didn’t elect this Judge, I did not approve this jury, there is no precedent here!”

It does feel like things are moving fast. They are. Dan Harmon said in an interview earlier this month, “Progress isn’t a scalpel, it’s an avalanche.” And he welcomed it. We should be welcoming progress. Even if it’s messy. Some might say “especially if it’s messy!” I don’t know who is saying that, but I feel in my gut someone on twitter would say that and get 80.3k likes. I know my Twitter.

I digress. Some people are of the view that they can’t be the judge. Leave it up to the real judges and let me just do whatever it was that I was going to do, please. So when Voyboy does all this work to put a spotlight on this problem, people see him handing them a pitchfork and come help him kill The Beast. And some people balk at that. Some people shy away, and just stay inside (this is mostly me, I’ll admit. The inside people go, “I didn’t watch that guy anyway, this is all fine with me! Now please leave me alone”). And some say, “Hey man, I’m opposed to violence, and by the way, the Beast is a really chill guy if you ever got to know him. In fact, people like you who are so quick to hand out pitchforks to make yourself look like some noble saint are actually pieces of shit!” And then a bunch of that guy’s friend go “Yeah, he is a piece of shit!” because that’s how bullying works. And then the bullies spend all day trapped in their miserable bodies, stuck in their miserable lives. And they go on Twitch and watch their friend stream to them, and their friend makes them feel wanted for once in their shit existence. And then later they’re on twitter and see Voyboy say something about how your friend’s an abusive monster and needs to see justice, and you KNOW that it’s all bullshit, and Voyboy just trying to get points with his girlfriend or something, he doesn’t care at all. What an asshole. Fuck him. Fuck this loser. I should reply to him, since it’s the easiest thing in the world for anyone to do. And generally people don’t follow people they hate like this, so that would limit this extremely toxic interaction, but Voyboy is followed by all the LoL streamers, so people that follow league generally hear from all the content creator’s in the community. And maybe they’re streamer friend mentioned that Voyboy was a fake ass cuck or whatever on stream and told his followers to go check out the shit he was spewing. 

So Voyboy says grooming is unacceptable and disgusting, sexting teens is deplorable. And we as a modern community don’t need to hear him beat a rap sheet like that in court to act, because we as a community have the power to shape it how we see fit. And under that tweet is 100 replies saying that he’s a piece of shit and should die.

And then the uninformed masses see that and go, “why is Voyboy a piece of shit?? What am I missing?” And then they see Voyboy tweet something like “this is really hard, these guys are out to get me but I won’t back down.” And if you’re like me you think, “Oh I’ve never supported this kind of drama in my life. This is boring at best and uncomfortable at worst. Let’s all stop (aka bail)!” And then Voyboy goes “I won’t!” And then everyone level-headed and sane goes “boo, I’m bored, knock this off!” And everyone that is now LIVING for this bullying. I mean, what a payout. You bully this dude every day and he feeds you attention every time? This rules! So the detractors get WORSE and the supporters settle down. And Voyboy has now learned the harsh truth of social justice. It just beats you down. Everyone’s in this game for themselves; the moment you set aside your own interest to help someone else out, you are instantly and forever outnumbered. And the whole time you’re just like, “what the fuck is so hard about this? I am proposing an objectively good idea that would make everyone happier! I only even started trying to say something because I knew I was right! This is like getting fired for hitting a home run!”

I’m learning, and I should say digesting maybe, more about power this year than I have in a long time. It’s the answer to a lot of equations that don’t add up under my current philosophies. Like if everything I think is true, then was does X Y and Z still happen? Why do I feel like ____? The answer is something to do with power. And I’m starting to figure out what that is. Ha, I think part of me is a little ashamed it’s taking this long, I guess. Like, I’M learning it, but it’s been learnt. I’m catching up. But that’s ok. That’s literally all I’m doing. Catching up. Keeping up. I’m not even trying to do something once I’m caught up. I just don’t think there’s any other place to be. Well, I mean, I would truly hate to write something that got read that was just plain not-caught-up. Something that would make a reader go, “hey, doesn’t he know better?” I SHOULD. That’s literally the goal.

Anyways, I’ve lost my train of thought, and need a bathroom break. Here’s the letter I sent to Voyboy, to try and help him through all this. Talk to you tomorrow love ;) : Hey Voy I hope you are doing better, and I hope you get a chance to read this. I started League of Legends back in Season 1 when I was in college. I remember the first time I heard of you, you were one the few people ahead of HotshotGG in the rankings, and I remember thinking, "what the hell, how did this kid get so lucky?!" lol. Then I got to see you play with RS, and mostly thought you were lucky again to be getting carried by Scarra 🤣 I'm sorry! By the time you joined CLG I finally caught wise. You became one of my all-time favorite players on the scene. Your Olaf looked like a cheat code, I swear to god. I love League of Legends so much, and back in college I spent almost every waking minute thinking about it. It was one of my great passions. And at that time I was struggling to find anything else I was truly passionate about. I got depressed in college, and by that point I had realized my goal of being an engineer wasn't something I actually cared about. So I dropped out. I was in a truly dark place. I felt like life had left me behind and that I was worthless. I still had League, but League couldn't give me what I needed. I have this distinct memory from one of my last games in Season 4 where some Ranked Soloqueue bs was making my blood boil out of my body. I literally had to stand up and walk around outside after the game. I was pissed, but I knew the real reason was because I just wasn't good enough. That was the moment I realized I was never going to get to walk the path of Voyboy or Doublelift, I was not going to be one of the great ones that League would pick up and give them an opportunity to do something great. I would need to find something of my own.

After that League stopped being as fun for me. I knew I had to do something else with my life and League was only holding me back. All my friends I knew through League started to feel less like my friends. So I quit. After almost 4 years nonstop. And the years after that only looked worse. I was still depressed, still struggling desperately to find my way, and now the thing that brought me the most joy in the world was long gone from my life.

Five years went by and over that time I moved, got a real job, and somehow became a real adult. Life was still hard work, but I was now ready for it. I bought myself a real gaming computer after using crummy laptops my entire life. And once I realized I could finally see LoL at something other than the lowest graphics setting, I decided to download it again. I don't need to tell you that coming back 5 years away made League feel like a completely new game. I might as well have been playing Dota for all I knew. And I felt terrible. I felt like the person that used to play this game was dead; I had no memory left in my fingers. "Well, it was worth a shot," I said.

And then I found your videos on youtube. "Hey I know him!" After just two games, it all came rushing back to me. Your games, your stream reignited my love for League of Legends. And now I'm healthier. Now I can play for a bit and return to a life I that I care equally about. I learned how to love League AND love myself; and the entire time, you were there. The Kid, with his million-watt smile, raising the bar.

I can't say I see the exact same circumstances with what you've been going through lately. I just know what that cloud can feel like. And maybe it's similar, feeling like League and the other parts of your life are at odds with each other right now. And the further away the game gets, the more you see the cracks appear. Hateful kids and useless trolls come to this game not for the experience, but to talk crap and feed their ego. It's so sad that our society still needs to work so hard to treat sexual abuse with the weight that it deserves. But I think because of that, it only highlights that you're doing work that's worth doing.

I don't know what you're planning on doing next, but no matter what it is, I'll support you. I don't know what it's worth, but you're genuinely one of my favorite people. You're worthy of love, you're worthy of happiness. You've worked hard, you've put your heart into making League of Legends a community something to be proud of. I've seen it time and time again. And it won't be for nothing, I swear.

Cya nerd, be well. Thanks