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#the last of us season 1
elliespuns · 7 months
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Pedgito, cuddlito
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midnightmurdershow · 25 days
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The Last of Us (2023 - ) Season 01 Episode 05 “Endure and Survive” Directed by Jeremy Webb
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annecriedpower · 1 year
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Saddest 7 word short story ever written
~ The Last of Us, S01E05 (2023)
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gwendoodlin · 7 months
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Been a bit since I last posted but here are little thumbnails of these guys!
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mell-bell · 1 year
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The fact that Joel was so afraid of losing Ellie so afraid of failing her that he was having panic attacks and nightmares about it and was willing to let her go to keep her safe from him …. I’m fucking inconsolable
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SUGAR - T.M
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previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist
Warnings: children, pregnancy, mentions of murder, guns, mention of character death
Pairing: tommy miller x fem!reader
Summary: the man who you never thought you'd see again turned up with some random child to your home with your husband and child
Wordcount: 6.5k
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The cold weather was getting harsher and harsher every day and although you loved the town of Jackson, you missed the Texas winters from before the outbreak.
You looked around the town. Sometimes you didn't appreciate everything that you had but as you looked around, you realised how lucky you were to have him and to have this safe haven.
The world was full of criminals and thieves and murderers, titles that you had once held the mantle of, but now you just wanted to settle down in your little slice of paradise.
You and Tommy had been best friends since you were 18 and he was 22, the two of you having met through mutual friends but not really becoming friends until you were 19 and 23.
When the world as you knew it ended, you found comfort in one another and eventually in the fireflies. When that didn’t work out, you ended up here in Jackson where you could finally
You looked up, watching as he worked on the construction of a new building. He looked down at you, his face lighting up at the sight of you, waving in your direction. He flashed you that infamous smile, the one that made you smile even on the darkest days and you fell in love with him all over again.
You waved back at him before walking towards the gate when all of a sudden, you saw a huge crowd of patrolmen riding into town. Everyone watched and they stopped as they saw you standing in the middle of the street.
Maria stepped off the horse, looking at the
“Give me the gun,” one of the men, Richard, said, holding his hand out as he looked at the girl, his gun steady in his hand.
Her eyes flicked between the his gun and her gun and she scoffed, “Fuck no, why do you get one?” She asked, holding it tight.
Joel reprimanded the girl, you assumed that he had already given his weapons over, and she turned to him with a scowl, repeating her statement in anger.
Richard raised his weapon, repeating his statement with the same aggression and you stepped in between them, the barrel of his pistol too close to your forehead, “Why don’t we put the weapon down Richard, Tommy won’t like it if you blow a bullet through my skull,” you said, knowing the leverage you had.
Joel’s heart sped up at the sound of his brother's name, he was here and he was alive and that’s all that mattered. He felt guilty for the way that he had treated his brother, and you, back in the QZ and now it was time for him to repent.
You turned your back to Richard as he lowered his gun, holding your hand out and stating your name, “I’m sorry about him, now can you give me the gun. I promise one day you’ll get it back,” you said.
She nodded, not many people stood up for her like you had just down, ready to take the short end of a bullet for her. She handed her gun over and you thanked her, placing it in the empty holster on your side.
When you looked at Joel, you saw his elated smile, “Where’s Tommy?” He asked and you smiled at him, looking over at where your husband was working. Joel's eyes followed your gaze and when he noticed Tommy, you saw the visible joy on his face,
"Tommy!" Joel called out and the man turned around abruptly at the sound. He hadn’t heard that voice in years but as he turned and looked at his brother, you watched as his face lit up.
The two quarrelled constantly back when you three lived in the QZ and that was one of the reasons why you two left but as you watched Tommy scrambling to get off of the scaffolding, you saw that all of the anger dissipated as he rushed to his big brother.
He ran over to him, pulling him in for a hug. You knew how Tommy felt about Joel, how he wished things had been different with his brother but now he was here and you saw all of his anger go out of the window. Family meant everything to Tommy and finally, after years, his family was intact again.
He pulled away, that wide charming grin that you loved so much present on his face as he chuckled to himself, "The fuck you doing here?” He asked, hands on his brother's shoulders.
"I came here to save you," Joel said with that matching Miller smile that reached his eyes, crows feet turned up.
You missed them being this happy together, like it was before the outbreak. You missed the infamous Miller barbecues where Joel and Tommy would bicker and laugh and just have fun together. And you missed Sarah too.
Joel had this wide smile on his face as he turned around, one hand still on his brother's shoulder as he looked at Ellie on the horse.
"This is my brother Tommy and his best friend for the last 30 years?" He said, stating your name to Ellie, the biggest smile on his face.
The last time you had seen Joel, he had stormed into the apartment that you and Tommy shared in the QZ, arguing with his brother over your decisions to go with the fireflies to a different QZ. You had made a mistake that day by leaving but it had allowed you and Tommy to come here so it was all worth it in the end.
"We already met," you said, a smile on your face as you helped Ellie down from her horse.
The girl wiped her hands on her trousers before looking up at you, eyes narrowed at you, "Thanks for saving my ass" she said.
"He was never going to shoot you, I would have had his ass for it,” you said, looking back at Maria who was getting off of her horse.
“You should come into the tavern, we will get you a meal,” Maria said, leading the group inside and Joel marvelled at the look of it.
It was strange that after twenty years living in a QZ, he was in a bar that looked just like one from back home. You could see the awe on both of their faces as they sat down at a table, Tommy and yourself sitting opposite them.
Once they got the food out, they both started eating rapidly, glad that they had some food. Joel looked up between bites at the two of you and Maria who sat at the head of the table.
"There's more if you need it," Maria said. She was basically the leader of the patrols even though there wasn’t a status quo and Joel had noticed.
He looked up at her, spoon still in hand, "Thank you ma'am, it's been a while since we've had a proper meal,"
"Actually I don't think I've ever had a proper meal, this is fucking amazing," Ellie said, her mouth slightly full of food, a smile on her face.
"Sorry, Ellie, let's mind our manners," he said, turning to the girl. It reminded you of when he would scold Sarah and it sent a pain through your chest as you thought about her.
"I want my gun back," Ellie stated, narrowing her eyes at the three of you. She was a mistrusting child and although you respected that, she had to learn that you weren’t bad people.
Maria looked at you and Tommy before turning her attention back to the girl, "I think maybe y'all got off on the wrong foot," Tommy stated.
"Maria was going to have her guys kill us, that douche bag had a gun pointed at me, she managed to save me" Ellie said, once again believing that you had somehow saved her.
"They were always going to let you in if you weren’t infected, and Richard never would’ve shot you or me," you reassured and Maria nodded.
“Richard was going to shoot you?” Tommy asked, brows furrowed in worry as he thought about it.
You chuckled, hand patting his shoulder lightly, “It was nothing, I’ll explain it later,” you said, not wanting to bother poor Richard getting beaten up by your husband.
"We've got to be real careful who we let in this place, we're just trying to scare off those who want to hurt us," Maria explained, looking at Joel. She had heard stories about the man and she didn't trust him already and it showed.
Ellie's eyes went wide as she spotted the ring on your finger, "That's one big diamond," Ellie said, reaching forward to get a closer look at it and you extended your hand, a blush on your face as you allowed her to look at it.
"Thanks, my husband always had a knack for finding things, this just so happened to be his best find," you said, a smile on your face as you felt Tommys hand rubbing against your knee reassuringly.
"Who are you married to? I'd love to meet him," Joel said with a smile and yours vanished as you narrowed your eyes at him, unsure of how he had never noticed it before.
You and your husband shared a look before you turned back to him, "Joel, we're married, me and Tommy," You stated and he just looked at you, almost like he had frozen in place.
"Oh shit, congrats," Ellie said, her eyes also going wide as she looked at you two, Tommys hand reaching for yours and squeezing it, "Say congrats,"
"Congrats," Joel said absentmindedly and you could tell that he was happy for you but there was something holding him back. You didn't know whether it was the shock or if something had happened that they didn't know about but he seemed distant after that.
"I know it's weird seeing us like that but we've been together for over a decade now Joel, have you never noticed?" Tommy said, his brows furrowed as he looked at his brother.
It was true, you had first realised you loved him around 8 or 9 years after it all started and after that, you kept your relationship under wraps. Not because either of you were ashamed of it but because in the fireflies, you decided that it would be too dangerous in case something happened to advertise it so freely.
"You never mentioned it," Joel said, his grip on the glass tightening as he looked at the two of you. What you didn't know was that the person that mattered to him most, Tess, had died only a few months ago and he never got to tell her how he felt.
There was a guilt weighing heavily on his chest as he thought about Tess, the look on her face when she admitted to being bitten burned into his memory. There were so many things that he wished that he could have said to her but it was too late. That explained the bitter taste in his mouth as he looked at the two of you, happy.
Joel turned to Maria as he listened to her talk to Ellie about not having guns in the area, "Ma'am, we're grateful for your hospitality but do you mind if we have some time just for family," he asked.
"It's okay, how about a tour instead and then Maria can be on her way, yeah," You said, standing up and looking at the group.
You stood up, feeling Tommys hand slip into yours as you walked out of the door together. Joel looked at the two of you, confused as to how he never noticed the way the two of you acted together.
There was this heavy weight in his chest at the sight of you being happy. It wasn’t because he was jealous, it was because it pained him to see how much had changed since the outbreak, it pained him that Sarah wasn’t here to see her uncle and the closest thing she ever had to a mother end up together
As they walked back into the cold, Maria led them around, gesturing to the town around them that flourished with all the people around. It was a real community,
"Me and a few friends settled here a few years ago, just a handful of us. We built the rest of the wall out from there. It stops most raiding parties but we still find pockets of them," she explained.
Joel looked at her, brows furrowed, "No infection?" He questioned.
"Usually smaller colonies that have wandered off from the cities, all this open country makes it like Turkey shooting," Tommy said with a smirk before imitating shooting a turkey.
You hit him on the shoulder, scolding his joke and he just smiled at you. You purse your lips together in an attempt to hold back a smile but like usual, he managed to pass your defences and make you smile too.
"How do you keep this place quiet?" Joel questioned, noticing how there really were no infected.
"Being in the middle of nowhere helps, we don't advertise what we have, we stay off the radio," Maria explained.
That comment made Joel tense up. He had been worried sick about the two of you, you were really the only family he had left, and all this time he could have reached you but this woman had been stopping him. It made him mad.
He was pulled out of his train of thought by you listing the places in town, "House of worship, multi faith, school, that's where I work," you said.
Joel smiled at you, "Your degree is coming in handy," he said, remembering the days that you would come to his and Tommy's house, arms stacked with work.
"Was hoping it would one day," you said, chuckling at the end before continuing to list the places in town, "That's laundry, old bank is the jail but we don't really need it,"
"We drew electricity from the dam, we got sewers, heaters, and light," Tommy explained, proud of everything they'd achieved here.
Joel scoffed in disbelief, "This place actually fucking works," he said, shocked that this was a real functioning town.
They walked towards the outskirts of town, away from the bustling life and towards the farms and the stables.
Ellie broke the silence in the group by turning to Maria "So, you're like in charge?" She questioned.
The woman looked back at her, shaking her head, "No one person is in charge, I'm on the council and so is Mrs Miller here," she said, looking over at you.
You smiled to yourself. You may have been married for just over three years but to hear someone call you Mrs Miller was still a bit of a shock to the system. You could also tell that it shocked Joel just by the way he flinched slightly at the words.
"It's democratically elected and there's about three hundred people here including children. Everyone pitches in and we rotate work except for specialist roles like teaching or doctors," you explained.
Tommy nodded, his hand still in yours as he used the other hand to gesture to the scenery, "Everything you see, everyone pitches in and it's all shared," he explained, nodding his head.
Joel's nose scrunched up as he turned to look at his brother, "So uh, communism?" He questioned.
Tommy made a sound in disbelief, something half between choking and a scoff, "It's not like that," he said, a smile on his face as he chuckled at the absurdity of it.
"It is like that, literally. This is a commune, it's communism," Maria said, looking back at him.
He froze in his spot for a second, his entire life flashing before his eyes as his entire belief system was flipped on its head. He looked like he was going through a hundred emotions in a minute as he comprehended the statement.
You laughed to yourself, hitting your husband's arm jokingly, "Imagine if 29 year old you could see yourself now Mr Desert Storm," you teased.
You started to walk away and he shook his head, trying not to think about the way he lived and started to follow you, arm wrapping around your waist as you stopped at the stables.
Maria showed Ellie the horses and you watched as she grinned at them, petting the horse like she'd never seen one before.
"I've got to go do some work but could you get them settled in?" Maria asked, normally it was her job to do that but it had been really busy recently and you understood.
"Yeah, of course," you said with a smile, "And could you bring Lizzy back, she's over at Linda's,"
"Of course," she said, placing a hand on your shoulder before turning to Joel and Ellie who were still standing by the horses, "I'm glad you guys are here"
Maria walked away and Joel watched her, eyes narrowed. You could tell that he still didn't trust her completely and though it was understandable, Maria was a good person and he needed to learn to trust her.
"So you can all get set up in the house across the street from ours, two bedrooms, it's nice," Tommy said, and Joel nodded.
You looked at him, "I can take Ellie over there if you two want to catch up," you said.
Joel looked at Ellie, the girl's eyes wide almost like she was scared to be separated from him.
"Yeah, okay, you'll be fine," Joel said, nodding his head. After years apart, he was glad to be able to spend some time with his brother.
You chuckled, "Come on kid, I'm not that bad," you said and she smiled at the joke, nodding her head.
You quickly walked over to Tommy, pressing a kiss to his cheek before walking towards Ellie again, the two of you walking away in conversation.
Tommy smiled to himself and Joel watched as his brother pressed a hand to the spot where she had kissed him, almost like a little child who'd been kissed for the first time.
It was the first moment where Joel really saw the love between the two and he smiled to himself, patting his brother on the back as they walked towards the bar.
It was empty when they got there, like it normally was at midday, and Joel sat down at the bar, still marvelling at the fact that it was all real.
Tommy stood behind the bar, pouring a glass of whiskey for his brother, watching as Joel's eyes went wide at the taste of fresh and real alcohol.
'It doesn't seem like you or sugar aged much," Joel stated and Tommy smiled at the nickname. The gang of smugglers you were running with back in the early years of the outbreak had labelled you with it after a series of events that lead to you being branded the nicest person in the gang.
"You on the other hand," Tommy joked as he walked around the bar to get to his brother, sitting down on the stool and taking a sip from his drink.
"How long have you two been a thing?" Joel questioned. He had always assumed that the two of you had feelings for each other but it was never confirmed to him.
He had always seen the way that you’d sleep in the same bed, holding each other after nightmares, going partying in your early twenties before the world collapsed, laughing even when the world was crumbling around you.
"Since 2010 probably, that's when I realised I loved her you know. Then obviously we were in the fireflies so we hid that from them and we've been married since we got here so about four years," he explained, a smile on his face as he reminisced.
He couldn’t imagine a life without you. When the world got too dark, you were the light that brought him back. You were the one who made him smile when the world seemed to be dull and boring, killing all the joy. You were the one who saved him from himself when he got too far into that hole of darkness.
"I'm glad you're happy," Joel said, a half hearted smile on his face. He meant it but there was something in his heart that burned at the idea of Tommy being happy in a world where he wasn't.
"Thanks for still giving a shit about me," Tommy said, raising his glass and the two men cheered to the alcohol.
Tommy watched as his older brother walked around the empty pub as it had not opened yet, he looked around at the decoration, being taken back to the time before the outbreak where this was normal, "How's Tess?” He asked. He knew you would want to see her again because you were both so close before the fireflies and he knew you regretted what you had said to her before you left.
Joel turned around, a vacant look in his eyes but a smile on his face, "She's fine, alright," he said, not mentioning the fact that she was dead because it was too hard. Joel Miller had always avoided the hard conversations.
"Good, you’ll have to bring her here, I know Sugar would like it. Who's the kid?” He asked and Joel shook his head, walking back over.
He shrugged his shoulders, feeling the weight being taken away for just a second, "Some fireflies daughter and she's trying to find her family. I was heading in this direction," he said and Tommy smiled, not noticing how he ignored the mention of bringing Tess here.
For the first time in years, he saw the good man that was his brother before the outbreak, the one that wanted to help, "Good to see your heart," he said, hoping his brother could stay. If he was able to stay then they could be a family again and his children could have an uncle and maybe it would bring some joy back to Joel's life.
"You know where they might be?” Joel asked, taking another sip from his drink as he sat back down.
"There's a base at the University of Eastern colorado but it's a bit fucked up in the weeks ride there," he explained, he knew how dangerous that trek can be with the raiders and the infected, "It's not an easy trip,"
"I made it across the country, the two of us can make it from here to Colorado," Joel said, a smile on his face. He wanted to spend more time with his brother and this was a perfect opportunity to have him back.
"I can't go," Tommy said, staring at the glass, his finger tracing the rim of it. He had too many things waiting for him here and he couldn’t risk his life, he couldn’t let his daughter grow up fatherless.
Joel scoffed, angry that his brother wasn't going to come, "Why, cause Maria won't let you? Is she the one who kept you off the radio, is that why you stopped messaging me back?' He questioned and Tommy could feel his disdain for the woman.
"After me and Sugar left the fireflies, she was in bad shape. I didn't think she'd make it and Maria saved us, that's when I realised that I wanted a normal life with her," he explained as he thought back to it.
You had been shot in a bad fight and he had stumbled across the group of men patrolling and Maria had offered to bring you two back in and help you out after they had determined that you were not infected. Her best doctors had saved your life and Tommy would be forever indebted to them for that.
"They didn't have to take us in and all we had to do was follow the rules," he said as he looked at his brother who stood up, an angry tone to his voice.
"I'm your brother," he exclaimed, looking at him,
"I'm aware, they're very protective of this place and for a good reason," Tommy said, standing up as well to look at his brother.
"I know, the wrong people may show up. Is that what I am? The wrong people?" He questioned, clearly feeling threatened. He knew what his brother did when he felt backed into a corner.
Joel scoffed, "The things you judge me for, I did those things to keep you alive, to keep your wife alive," he said, spitting out the second to last word almost like he was judging him for what he had to do.
"We did those things, they weren't just things. We murdered people and I don't judge you for it. We survived the only way we knew how but there were other ways,” Tommy explained. That was exactly why he had joined the fireflies, because that was another way and when they didn’t work out he came here and he was never planning on leaving.
"If you knew the shit I've been through the last few months-" Joel said and Tommy cut him off,
"I'm a father now," he stated, looking over at the man. He knew how that was going to affect his brother because he knew how much he suffered when Sarah died.
He had wanted to tell him from the start, tell him about his little girl and how amazing she was, how she reminded him of Sarah when she was a baby but he didn’t want to trigger Joel, he was witness to his anger when it all happened. "We've got a little girl, she's two and the missus is a few months along now, we think it's gonna be another girl but she wants to keep trying till its a boy,"
Joel had never seen his brother smile that wide, like there was nothing else in the world that he could ever want. Tommy was genuinely happy. You had given him everything that he didn’t think he deserved, a home, a family, somewhere that he didn’t have to be scared of.
"I gotta be more careful," he said, his voice breaking slightly as he thought about it. He had to stay because he couldn’t bare seeing his little girl like Sarah, bleeding in his arms, "I'm still scared of being a bad father but I feel like I'm doing well so far,"
Joel poured himself another drink as all of the thoughts ran through his head. He felt like he had failed as a father. His daughter should be 32 this year but she wasn’t because he had failed and it scared him that now his younger brother was in his position and he was making the choice he should have made, he should have protected his family better.
"Guess we'll see," Joel said, taking out his anger and frustration in the only way he knew, at his brother.
"Guess we'll see? That's all you got?" Tommy said with a scoff, angry that his brother wasn’t proud of him and that he didn’t care, "I want you to meet your niece, stay around to see the other kid and any more we might have,"
Tommy wanted to be upset that his brother was letting him down again but he had been letting him down since they entered the QZ and it wasn’t going to change now.
"Just because life stopped for you doesn't mean it has to stop for me," Tommy spat out, getting closer to his brother.
"I'll grab some supplies and be out of your hair by the morning," Joel said before storming out of the bar, leaving Tommy there.
The man reached up to a chain on his neck that had a locket, a picture of you and him and your little girl in there, the only picture he had. It was all he needed to remind himself of what he had built here with you, what he was risking even considering going with Joel.
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You took your jacket off, watching as Ellie went upstairs to get changed into some of the clothes that you had gotten ready for her as well as some things that you thought would be useful.
As you walked to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and waiting for Ellie, you looked down at your stomach.
You were five months along now. You had never imagined yourself as a mother when you had met Tommy and you never imagined it when the outbreak started. Now you had this white picket fence life that seemed like something plucked out of a daydream - as long as that fantasy included infected and constant raiders.
Ellie was upstairs, looking at the spare room. You had given her some new clothes and a warm jacket for her to wear and she was grateful thaat you were giving this all to her.
As she looked at the house, she wondered if this was what people lived like back before the outbreak, if this is what her life would’ve looked like if she would have had a family before it all.
Once she was changed, she walked downstairs, looking at the living room. Ellie had never seen a real house before and this one felt like a home, with art on the walls and a comfy looking sofa and kids toys thrown on the sofa - she wasnt quite sure what that was about yet though.
That’s when she noticed the placard on the top of the mantelpiece. It was a sign that had two names of people on it, Sarah and Eliza, the two having died months apart at the start of the outbreak.
She watched as you walked around the kitchen, cleaning up small things on the side as you waited and that’s when she noticed the baby bump that hadn’t been evident before under your jacket.
"You're pregnant," she stated. Now that the girl was thinking about it, she had never seen a pregnant woman before.
"5 months," you confirmed, watching as she came in and sat down at the table, “Me and Tommy have another kid, a little girl, she’s two,”
She nodded her head, “That’s why there’s kids toys in the other room,” she stated ad you nodded, chuckling slightly.
“Yeah, I havent had time to tidy that up yet,” you said, looking at the other room and then at the girl at the table, "Did you get what I gave you?"
Her nose scrunched up as she remembered the menstrual cup that you had left her - Maria had been the one to find the extraordinary invention, "Weirdest gift ever," she stated.
You chuckled at her reaction, "You'll thank me for it one day," you promised, asking if she wanted a drink and then proceeding to pour her a glass of water, handing it to her, "Maria can cut your hair later if you like, she's really good at it,"
"Did she used to be a hairdresser?" Ellie questioned, having assume that she was just working on the patrols.
"No, she used to be a lawyer basically," you stated, sitting down next to her.
She looked at you, watching as you took a sip from your water, "What did you used to do?" She asked and you noticed that the girl was very inquisitive.
"I had just graduated university to be a teacher, I was 25 and then it all went to shit," you explained, remembering it all.
There was a part of you that missed the world before, the partying with Tommy at night and the laughing as you ran through the park, drunk off of your asses, and the laughs at the library even as the librarian scolded you. Now that you thought about it, you two were always destined to end up together.
As silence fell between you two, you looked into the other room, eyes falling on the memorial placard that you had seen Ellie looking at and brought it up, "You were looking at the memorial,"
She nodded, face softening as she remembered seeing it. The kids had been 12 and 22 when they had died, "I'm sorry about the kids," she said.
Your face scrunched up as you thought about it, hoping she didnt think you were old enough to have had a 22 year old in 2003, "They're not mine, Eliza was my little sister. Sarah was Joel's daughter," you stated, “I’m only 45,”
You thought that the shocked look on her face was from your age and before you could be too offended, you realised that she probably didnt know about Sarah and everything that had happened in Joels past.
"You didn't know, shit," you swore as you looked at her. You didnt mean to overstep, you knew how private he was and how he never wanted to discuss Sarah, hell, he didnt want to ever discuss life before the outbreak because it was that difficult and whilst you understand, you also believed he needed to talk about it.
She shook her head, "No, it's okay. I guess that explains him a little," she said, a half smile on her face that was almost apologetic.
"He's a good man even though we did bad stuff together," you said, recalling the smuggling missions that you went on with Joel.
Before the outbreak, he had been one of the kindest men that you had ever met, rough around the edges but soft when he got to know you. After Sarah died, you realised that she was the only thing that stopped him from losing faith in humanity and without her, lost a part of himself.
Ellie looked at you confused, "You were in the gang that killed people?" She questioned, having heard all about Joels escapades.
You nodded, you had done bad things to make your way through the apocalypse, "Yeah, Tommy saved me that night, brought me with him and Joel and Sarah," you explained, “I had to do what i had to do to survive, and that meant hurting people,”
It was difficult to think about that time but since then, you’d grown and tried to find a way to make the world better and when that failed, you ended up here where you managed to make your world better, your world with Tommy.
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Tommy had told you that Joel had asked him to take the girl to the fireflies, that he wasn't able to do it yourself and as much as he protested, he agreed. You knew that it was the right thing for him to do, that it was in his nature to help someone and you knew that Ellie would be in good hands with him.
He had said his goodbyes that night, holding you until the sun came up and he had said goodbye to his daughter in the morning, trying not to cry as he walked out of that door. You had sat there for a few minutes, trying to hold back the worry but you knew that you had to go and see your husband one more time.
So as you rushed to the stables, hoping to see him one more time before he left, you saw Joel and Ellie also standing there, “What are you doing here, sugar?” Your husband questioned, looking at you.
You looked between the group who were looking at you and your daughter as she rested on your hip, “I wanted to say goodbye, again,” you said, feeling a little stupid now that you said it out loud.
“Joels going to take her now,” Tommy stated and you nodded, the weight falling from your shoulders as you knew he would be staying with you again.
When you looked over at Joel, he was staring at your daughter with those wide eyes that you had only seen a handful of times. He seemed in shock as he looked at Lizzy, at the way that she looked just like Tommy, the deep brown eyes, the quirk to her little smile.
“She’s ours Joel,” Tommy stated and he nodded, pursing his lips as if he was trying to hold his tears in
You looked down at the girl who was hiding in your shoulder, not looking at the other man, “Baby, this is your uncle Joel. Joel, this is your niece, Elizabeth Sarah Miller,” you explained.
His eyes went wide, you’d both named her after Sarah, “Elizabeth?” He questioned. That was Sarah's middle name as well as your younger sisters full name and he tried to keep in the tears as he thought about it. And the fact that she had been named after Sarah made the tears well up in his eyes.
“Do you want to hold her?” Tommy asked and the man nodded, allowing his brother to hand him the little girl.
Joel held her in his arms, a smile on his face as she babbled to herself, hand coming up to his hair and tugging on it slightly. Tommy apologised, stating that she was on the stage and Joel didn’t care, gently removing the girl's hands and smiling at her.
“She’s named after those we lost,” you said, listening to the girl talk to Joel in broken sentences. He nodded, looking over at you.
Ellie watched the interaction; she’d never seen Joel’s smile be that wide before. That's when the little girl reached her arms out for Ellie, “You can hold her if you want,” you said and her eyes went wide.
She questioned you and you nodded, watching as Joel passed her over, “She’s adorable,” Ellie said, starting an easy little conversation with the girl.
You turned to Joel. Last night, Tommy had told you that Tess wasnt actually waiting back at the QZ, she had died. She had been a good friend to you back in the day and it hurt to imagine the infected finally taking hold of her, but at least she died fighting.
“I heard about Tess, was it fast?” You asked and he nodded.
“Fast enough, she didn't turn so,” he stated. It was the first time he had really discussed her death and maybe that was a step for him.
He was ready to let go of the past and to have this new family, a new start to his life that he didnt have before and that Ellie gave him.
“I’m glad,” you said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Joel, if you want to come back here, the house is available for you,”
He smiled, “We might have to take you up on that offer,” he said and you nodded, looking over at Ellie who you assumed was the other half of the ‘we’.
You were glad that he finally had another start at having a family and as you and Tommy watched Ellie and Joel ride off into the distance, your husband wrapped a hand around your waist, the two of you knowing that he was going to be okay.
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A/N, so as of releasing this, it is not a series yet but i definitely have so many ideas for Tommy and Sugar so if anyone is interested, I was going to write some prequel chapters like outbreak day or them leaving the fireflies. Also, this isn't my greatest work but I wanted to finally finish it and publish it because I love the idea so much <3
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boardchairman-blog · 1 year
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**Shots of the Episode**
The Last of Us (2023)
Season 1, Episode 7: “Left Behind” (2023) Director: Liza Johnson Cinematographer: Ksenia Sereda
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screenphotography · 8 months
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darkeriddle · 11 months
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Ravaged hearts
Joel Miller x F!Reader
Summary: Joel has been denying his feelings for you but when you reunite with your old lover in Jackson, he finally breaks down
Warning: Swearing, angst, tears, sad Joel
Word count: 3.8k
Author's note: I love to make myself sad and I hope I ruined your day with this
also why did my gif become 240p when I rendered it from an HD clip, shite
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You were never good with words. You've seen too many horrible things to be the same confident and open person you used to be before the world fell apart.
Not only losing your family but seeing your friends die in such ugly ways, you saw no purpose in life anymore. You were the opposite of friendly and helpful.
Which was why Joel Miller didn't trust you when he'd first met you. You were looking for Bill and Frank, worried and stressed ever since you heard an 80s song playing on the radio, just when he made it to town with Ellie.
You heard Bill mentioning Joel once when you two were talking about the security of his home. He mentioned that Frank brought people there to form a partnership which Bill hated but eventually accepted after a long time.
If it weren't for Ellie, you wouldn't have joined them. All you wanted was to isolate yourself and grieve your friends but it was hard to say no to the teen girl whose honesty and lingering gaze that sparkled with hope made you say yes.
Despite seeing you getting along with Ellie, Joel always kept an eye on you, never trusting you fully. Eventually, it took him days to tell you that the girl was immune to the cordyceps, explaining everything that led them to Bill's town.
Many things happened in half a year. You lost count of how many times Joel saved you and you never let him down in returning the favor if he needed help.
Spending months with both of them while traveling across the country to find his brother made you warm up. There were times when Ellie was asleep and Joel would find you to keep you company when he saw you awake at night. He opened up more and more which eventually led you to see his real face, a face of a broken and vulnerable man who lost too much.
You didn't realize how it happened, only knowing from the moment he comforted you after a nightmare that you had feelings for him. And sometimes when you saw his vulnerable gaze, you let yourself believe that maybe he did too.
But Joel never admitted any of that.
You hated how afraid you both were to tell the other anything but still stayed silent. If he didn't want to take the next step, you wouldn’t force him to do so.
In spite of Ellie's harmless teasing, the more she'd joke about Joel's feelings to you, the more tense you'd become. Not that Ellie had anything to do with your doubts and fears but you could never just laugh at her jokes regarding Joel. Your heart was aching each time you forced a smile on your face.
Arriving in Jackson felt like a dream coming true. You'd spent so much time on the road that you forgot how it felt to be a part of civilization anymore.
Joel was happy to be reunited with his brother, his face and eyes said it all. And while they hugged each other, finding comfort in each other's arms, you couldn't help but remember how much you've been missing your sister as well. You were happy for Joel but also envied him for being able to hug his sibling.
When you saw a familiar face in the crowd after Tommy and Maria showed you around, you couldn't believe your eyes. At first, you even thought that your imagination was playing games with you but when a pair of ice-blue eyes pierced through your soul, you knew it was real.
Your boyfriend - or whatever you were supposed to call who disappeared twenty years ago when everything went shit - was alive and well. Looking at Austin made you travel back to the times when everything was great.
He held you in his arms for minutes and you suddenly forgot about everything. The fireflies, Kansas City, all the deaths you'd witnessed, your feelings for Joel. His touch and scent made you young again.
Ellie looked happy that you could meet your love again while Joel's face was serious and flat. You didn't know what might have gone through his mind but decided to not care since he most likely never cared enough about you anyway.
You spent the rest of the day with Austin, at his house, sitting on his couch and talking. You didn't realize how much your voice could be heard until you felt your lips go dry from all the talking.
"I can't believe that you are here," he smiled and touched your cheek. You didn't push him away, only smiled.
"I can't either, so much has happened..."
"It's alright now, you are here with me," Austin wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Leaning into his presence made you relaxed and guilty. You never wanted to develop feelings for anyone else, let alone Joel Miller who was an emotionally available man and also a decade older than you but here you were with a torn heart toward two men.
Between the past and the present.
"Tommy mentioned that his brother is a closed-off person..." Austin started and your shoulders tensed.
"He can be," you admitted quietly. You didn't want to mention that lately, Joel has been more open with you, especially when he saw you in your most vulnerable state.
"How was it to travel with someone like him?" Austin asked. "I mean, he can literally murder someone just with his glare."
You chuckled tiredly as your eyes drifted to the ground.
"He is a tough guy," you said as you started to fidget with your fingers. “But he has a heart too.”
“I don’t doubt that, I just always wondered what makes a man this cold.”
Remembering the time when you were on watch a few nights ago and he woke up from a nightmare, he let you tell him that he wasn’t weak to miss someone, you felt your blood turn cold. 
It took him time but in the end, he’d spoken to you about his daughter, Sarah, whom he lost after his birthday when the outbreak happened. While you tried to comfort him, you felt your heart break when you saw tears glimmering in his eyes as he remembered his daughter. His confrontation explained everything that you never understood about him. His distant looks, his strictness, and his uneasiness when either Ellie or you got close to him.
Everything made sense and it meant a lot to you that he trusted you with his grief and guilt. 
You didn’t tell Austin why was Joel acting that way, it already took him months to address your closeness toward each other, it wasn’t your place to spill his secrets. 
When Austin saw how lost you got in your thoughts, he started to talk about the old times, distracting you. 
As you were sitting there with him, warmed up in his presence, resting in his arms, it felt like nothing has changed. You still felt something for him and when you remembered that Joel never tried to make an effort to get closer to you, you realized that you deserved better. You deserved someone who truly cared about you and didn’t think of you as a waste of time.
Before you knew it, you were leaning in and kissing Austin. Feeling relieved and sad that Joel probably never felt the same way as you did, you concluded that it was time to let go of him after holding into delusions for so long.
You couldn’t force someone to stay who wanted to leave.
If Joel truly cared for you then he would have done something about it instead of dancing around you while talking with double meanings. He was never straight about his feelings, maybe because you weren’t good enough for him but since you spent so much time in each other’s presence, he might have started to play with the thought of you being a physical pleasure.
But you never wanted to be just physical. You would have never been able to just distract him at night and act like nothing has ever happened afterward.
Accepting the familiar sadness creeping its way into your heart, you promised yourself to never think about Joel ever again.
And for the next few hours, you didn’t. Austin didn’t give you a chance to think about him again while he undressed you and spoiled you with his love and affection.
***
“Look at you, you are actually smiling,” Tommy teased you once he approached you later in the evening.
“Didn’t think I was able to?”
Tommy shook his head and you laughed.
“You jerk!”
“Hey, don’t need to be so harsh on me,” he put his hands up in defense while a smile flickered on his lips. “I saw you disappearing in Austin’s house, figuring you were the woman he always talked about ever since he showed up.”
Your eyes lit up. ”He talked about me?”
Tommy nodded. “All the time. I felt sorry for him when he told me when was the last time he saw you but the more he’d mention you, the more I wanted to punch him so that he would finally shut the fuck up for once.”
Instead of being embarrassed, you felt your heartbeat speed up. Austin was always an emotional man and you loved that he knew no shame when it came to you.
“I assume, you guys caught up with each other then?”
“Yes,” you nodded.
Tommy gave you a satisfied look. “I’m happy to hear that.”
“What about Joel?” You asked, rubbing your arm. “How is he holding up?”
“Mad that I didn’t answer his calls but he’ll come around, I hope.”
You nodded silently. You understood Joel’s frustration with Tommy’s missing and you felt just as relieved as Joel that nothing bad had happened to him. 
“I think you got off the hook pretty easily if you ask me.”
“Why?” Tommy asked.
“If it was my sister who’d disappeared while living her best life with someone, I would have definitely punched her in the face for making me so worried over nothing.”
At first, Tommy looked startled by your words, but his face softened when a smile eased your expression.
“Where is Joel?” You asked, suddenly feeling helpless. You didn’t know if now that both of you reunited with your people made you officially separate ways. If so, you needed closure after everything that happened between you two.
“At the workshop, he seems a little lost,” Tommy admitted sadly. 
“Probably because he doesn’t know how to act around all these people and Maria who is your…”
“Check on him for me, okay?” Tommy asked and you nodded. 
“Of course.”
Tommy gave your arm a reassuring squeeze before he walked off, leaving you alone in the dark. 
While you were walking toward the workshop, you were surprised to find yourself nervous the closer you got to the lights beaming through the windows.
You didn’t even know what to say but you knew you needed to see him.
Swallowing your worries, you pushed the door open and noticed Joel’s crouching figure sitting on the other side of the room. 
When he heard you closing the door, he looked up at you in silence. He looked exhausted, overwhelmed, and sad at the same time. You wished you could help him fight his doubts and worries but he was never that good with words either to express his feelings.
Walking over to him, you took a deep breath as you came to a stop in front of him.
“Hiding from all the curious eyes, hm?” You asked, trying to sound confident and calm.
Joel’s eyes found yours as he touched the broken watch on his wrist. The little gesture made you frown but you didn’t say anything.
“Where were you?” Joel asked.
Ignoring when your stomach turned at the sound of his defeated tone, you took a seat in front of him while gathering your thoughts.
“At Austin’s house.”
Joel remained silent as he was studying you with intense eyes. You wanted to know what was going on inside his head but you were also afraid to let things come to the surface.
“Austin is…”
“Tommy talked about him.” Joel interrupted you, not wanting to hear you finish the sentence.
You held your breath as you took his sight in. You’ve never seen him like this and you didn’t know how to react now that you came to face a different side of him.
“I thought he died,” you admitted, dropping your gaze to the ground. “But meeting him again after all this time… it feels like now everything has fallen in its place.”
Joel moved his head to the side. “Has it?”
You narrowed your eyes and leaned forward. “What is going on with you, Miller? We went through hell to get here and you finally found your brother… and I find out that Austin isn’t dead. We did it. Why are you this cold now?”
Joel looked around the workshop, his expression dropping as he tried to bring himself to look into your eyes again.
“You never talked about Austin,” he murmured.
“Talking about people I love is not something I do quite often,” you admitted.
Joel’s eyes jumped up to you, not missing how you said love instead of loved.
“Love?”
You let out a shaky breath, holding into the edge of your seat and fighting the urge to run out of the shop and hide in Austin’s house from Joel’s intense glare.
“He is my boyfriend,” you encountered and Joel leaned back.
“Even after not knowing anything about him for… how many years?” Joel asked doubtfully.
You didn’t want to answer because you didn’t want to think of that now. It took decades but you finally found your other half whom you’d lost many years ago. You didn’t want to think about anything else at the moment.
“I know that he still has a place in my heart after everything that happened,” you stood your ground, not understanding why was he doubting your relationship in the first place.
He never truly cared about you anyway. He always made sure you knew that.
Joel looked visibly uncomfortable hearing you talk about Austin like that.
“What is your problem?” You snapped, losing the last drop of patience that you’ve had with this man.
Joel sniffed and clenched his fists while fighting his thoughts.
“Nothin’... if after everything you still want to be with him then just do it,” Joel said with a serious glare. “I ain’t stopping you.”
Crossing your arms over your chest, you studied the way his stormy eyes glared at you with uneasiness but also a glimpse of sadness.
“Why would I not want to be with him?”
Joel closed his eyes for a moment before his expression hardened. It looked like he was desperately trying to keep himself together.
“You two… uh…”
Not understanding his stutter, you shifted in your place as you glared at him.
“Yes, we did.”
Joel’s face fell as he slowly tore his eyes away from you. It looked like he didn’t want to know the details but still chose to fumble about it. And you weren’t in a mood to be merciful with him.
“I thought after all this time you cared for my happiness,” you said and he looked at his hands.
“I do… you know I do.”
“You don’t seem like who does.”
Joel took a sharp breath and glanced up at the ceiling. That was the brief moment that made your heart drop. Because if you blinked, you wouldn’t have noticed the tears he was fighting to hold back.
Feeling exposed and clueless, you looked at him as if he was trying his best to not fall apart under your gaze.
“So, what now?” he asked, his voice low and vulnerable. 
“Well, you don’t need me anymore, so I guess I’ll just stay with Austin.”
Joel glanced up at you, tears blurring his vision. Your heart shattered at the sight of him trying to hold back his tears.
“Why would you think I don’t need you anymore?” Joel asked, his eyes never leaving you.
You shrugged, trying your best to keep your voice at bay. You didn’t want to cry. Not this time, not when you decided you moved on from him.
“I only helped you get to Wyoming and now we are here, I’ve done my part.”
Joel didn’t look relieved by your response. In fact, he looked more devastated as you tried to cut him out of your life now that you reached Jackson.
“Is there something I don’t know?” You tilted your head to the side as his lips trembled.
“I thought you…” his voice trailed off before he shook his head. “I thought that we…”
Realizing what he was trying to say, you tried your best to cover your sadness. He had his chance and he never took it, you had to remind yourself.
“I thought we had something,” he finished in a muffled tone. “Something more than just a partnership.”
Your breath got caught in your throat as he stared into your soul, not even trying to hide his sadness anymore. 
You hated to see him like that but he got himself into this. Not you.
“I did too,” you admitted and his eyes lit up, not expecting an answer from you.
“You did?” his voice was husky and deep.
You bit into your lower lip and gave him a nod.
“I cared about you more than I should have,” you said, feeling pain aching in your chest. “And I always made excuses for you but I’ve had enough of being nothing to you.”
Joel gave you a desperate look. “You were never nothing to me.”
Dropping your gaze as you realized it was a mistake to come here. You didn’t expect him to admit his feelings anytime in this life and now that it happened, you didn’t know what to do.
When you refused to look at him, he slowly stood up and walked over to you. The closer he got, the faster your heart was beating, threatening to break through your ribcage.
Joel lowered himself to his knee with a grunt to be the same level as you were and reached out to take your hands in his.
Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t ignore what his touch has turned you into. His calloused hands made you feel safe and wanted which was something you’ve lingered for a long time while you were traveling with him.
“I tried not to care for you because I knew that I wouldn’t survive if something has happened to you too,” he said quietly, searching for your eyes. “I thought if I pushed you away then I would stop having feelings for you.”
His words both surprised and disappointed you. You always thought you’d done something wrong that made him the moody man he was whenever you were around him. You’d spent countless nights wondering how should you change to make him finally see you.
“If you really cared for me then you would have risked it,” you looked into his eyes with flushed cheeks.
Joel dropped his gaze to your lips before he rubbed your soft skin with his thumb.
“I know, baby, I’m a coward,” he admitted shamefully. “And you deserve someone who is not afraid to be honest. Someone like Austin. I just… I hate that you are with him.”
You felt anger crawl its way through your veins as his words echoed in your ears. I hate that you are with him.
You ripped your hands out of his grasp and stood up, silently ordering him to do the same.
“What is the point of all this now?” You asked in a shaky tone. ”You like to make me desperate just when I found Austin? Now that I’m happy you are quick to ruin it for me, huh?”
“No… that’s not what I…”
Wiping your eyes, you glared at him, burning down every bridge that has ever connected you to him.
“You truly are a coward, if you would have thought about how I felt instead of putting a wall between us then you wouldn’t have waited until the last moment to tell me how you feel about me!”
Joel didn’t answer because he couldn’t argue with your reasons. He knew you were telling the truth and it made him drop his shoulders.
“And you felt the need to tell me all this when Austin came back into my life? It took you this long to realize what you felt was real?”
Joel took a step back, your anger surprising him while also understanding why his speech struck a nerve in you.
“What do you want me to say to that?” You spread your arms.
“I just wanted you to know…”
“Well, it’s too late for that,” you said, your voice cracking. “I don’t want to be with someone who only values people when they leave him.”
Your heart was breaking into million pieces as you took his sad gaze in. Part of you wanted to close the distance between you two, pulling him close and never letting him go, showing him that he was worthy of love but you knew otherwise.
You were the only one between you two who tried to do something about your feelings toward each other while he shut you out every time. 
He might have only noticed what he had when he lost you but what about your feelings? He kept sending you mixed signals, one day keeping you close to him only to push you away the next day.
You were exhausted from trying. And you didn’t want to chase dreams that would never come true.
“I thought this would end differently,” he admitted, almost whispering the words into the silence that fell upon you.
“I hoped it would too.” You admitted with tears running down your cheeks. 
Joel stepped closer to you, his eyes holding many emotions as he cupped your cheek. You wanted to push him away, slap him, even scream at him for being such an asshole but his touch made you weak and lose your voice.
“I’m sorry,” Joel said, staring into your eyes before leaning closer to place a tender kiss on your forehead.
You were frozen in your place as his lips touched your skin, a tear dropping as he closed his eyes, falling onto your temple. 
You would have never thought that you’d make Joel Miller cry and this was the first time you ever felt broken by his touch. Only if things were different…
“Tell Austin that he has an angel in his hands, he better keep her safe and love her the way she deserves to be loved.”
The way he was afraid to love you.
His words made your heart skip a beat. As you looked up at his defeated face, you saw him trying to give you a reassuring smile that only made your pain even worse.
“He will.”
With one last glance, you stepped away from him, wiping your wet cheeks before hurrying out of the workshop, and stepping into the endless darkness of the night.
That was the last time you'd spoken to Joel Miller.
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starryeyedstories · 1 year
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The outbreak in TLOU starting in 2003 means they never got Pride and Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright and that is the real tragedy in the show
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fangerine · 1 year
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THE LAST OF US | 1.07 “Left Behind” (2023) dir. Liza Johnson
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elliespuns · 7 months
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Girls be like "that's my sweet princess" and it's literally Pedro Pascal
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midnightmurdershow · 7 months
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The Last of Us (2023 - ) Season 01 Episode 01 "When You're Lost in the Darkness" Directed by Craig Mazin
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annecriedpower · 1 year
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It breaks my heart just how much Ellie is doomed by the narrative. ~ The Last of Us, S01E05 (2023)
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gwendoodlin · 9 months
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Aaaand uploading the second part to my last post!
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“It wasn’t time that did it”
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Tlou thoughts
No, but.
There's something that's so specific about the violence on this show that is so specific? Thought out?
It's not torture porn, it's not gazey. It's not game of thrones-y. It's not for consumption. Its not for the audience at all. It's a tool that the characters use.
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