#the last thing left is just Jay Walker

[lilywily143]

I posted 3,569 times in 2022

That's 2,806 more posts than 2021!

369 posts created (10%)

3,200 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@error-core-animations

@senseiwu

@fishybehavior

@legogeek33

@aeonthedimensionalgirl

I tagged 1,540 of my posts in 2022

#lego ninjago - 615 posts

#lilywily post - 361 posts

#lilywily143 - 341 posts

#lilywily art - 223 posts

#jay walker - 114 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#does anyone have those moments where you dont see a name mentioned in a post so you jump to some random character that just looks familiar?

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

More stimmings

Part 1

Nya

Tugs ponytail

Punches nearby items that don't easily fall over

Clenches her fists, letting the fist down, and repeat

Lloyd

Sniffs everything; food, toys, personally owned items, new people he meets, people he hangs out with, etc

Bounces in one place

Moves his weight on his feet from toes to heel in a rocking motion 

Kai

Scratches arms and thighs

Owns a pop-it

Has a stim toy that he strokes the fluff on

Jay

Scratches arms

Pacing around the room when end rants about a topic end is really into

Flicks the nearby lightswitch over and over

Cole

Walks on tip-toes

Used to bite the inside of his cheek and put unsafe items in mouth to bite on; Jay gave him chewelry.

Sings random lines from his favorite songs; Glowworm is definitely included.

32 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#4

Incorrect Quotes but Ninjago!

Enjoy!

Skylor: Oh my FSM, are we there yet?

Kai: No! Fuck! For the bajillionth time, we're not there yet. Can you guys shut up?!

Brad: You have to have a car so small like this??

Skylor: Its really cramped back here...

Kai: You guys compl- wow, I'm driving you to the park and you can do is complain about it. We stopped and got McDonald's!

Lloyd: Yeah!

Skylor: I didn't get anything

Brad: Yeah, all you got was a plain cheeseburger. How boring is that??

Kai: Shut up!

Skylor: Boring!

Kai: I'm gonna pull this car- I'm gonna drive this car right off the cliff, right now.

Brad: What!?

Skylor: Huh?

Kai: Brrbrrr- hahaha

Brad: Ehh!

Skylor: Hehe

Brad: Didn't know you had to go like that to step on the gas pedal.

Kai: Brrbrbrbrbr

Skylor: Brrbrbrr- hehe- I wanna drive! Arererer

Kai: Brbrbr

*Lloyd Purrs*

Kai: Hahaha!

Brad: I am not entertaining this.

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Skylor: So who goes next??

Kai: Q,R, S..... Ssssss

Skylor and Kai: Sssssssss

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See the full post

33 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

#3

Here is my entry for the 2022 Ninjago Valentine Exchange hosted (I think) by@ninjago-valentine-exchange

Someone had to make a fan fic for Ninjago fanon and I would add onto it with a piece of art!

My piece here is at the end of the fic, to clarify.

The fic it is from

The person who wrote this delightful fic was @ninjas-go-round

34 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#2

I had a idea...

See the full post

66 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Not Enough Room

"You are too sweet."

"You really don't have too."

"No! I will be the sacrifice and sleep on the couch!"

"Kai, you really don't need to. I'm sure we can figure out a way for all of us to sleep together."

"Zane. I am good. I wouldn't want any of you to be on the couch. Just sleep in my bed. I sleep in it all the time! I need a break from it!" Kai combated with a chuckle and a smirk.

His charm always got the others convinced in these stupid situations like this. But, they were still reluctant to go into Kai's room to sleep in.

The three were basically forced into the room by Kai.

"Goodnight!" Kai exclaimed to their lovers. And with that, he closed the door to his own room.

Well, it wasn't exactly their room.

An incident happened with them, their sibling, and their dad.

It was the kids' final straw and they dipped out of that horrible household.

Wu was nice enough to help them out and let them live in the ninja base.

It was actually a pretty nice home.

Big space to play in, it's all quiet because the warehouse was away from the city by a good distance, and they didn't need to travel that far whenever they needed their mechs.

Kai walked over to the 'living' room.

Just a corner of the training room, away from the mechs and training equipment.

Then, they set up a makeshift bed. Folded up spare blankets to separate them from the rough fabric of the couch, and a loose, thin one folded even more than the others as a pillow.

They could have grabbed another blanket to cover themselves, but it was Summer. They would be fine without a cover.

It took a while, but he fell asleep.

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See the full post

69 notes - Posted January 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wyrmswears]

Alr here comes the "long" ask ig

Thanks to you bringing back my wolf children/werewolves/wolves brainrot, my brain brained a weird lore in my brain about your inhuman thundersnow au.

Remenber this guy? Well yeah, he was the EM of lightning before Libber (also her dad), during the Serpentine War he used his raijū form to fight, even if he was one of the less powerful lightning EM ever seen (based off the color of his lightning being yellow, yellow lightning is less hotter than blue lightning) he took many serpetine down and in general it was like brining a crazy new weapon to the war that suddenly gives certain side a great advantage, ya know, war stuff.

After the war finished, despite him being a good guy. Raijūs started to be seen as horrible bloodthirsty creatures just because of what he did during the war, which wasn't too different to what other EM did is just that he did it as a wolf, even Garmadon thanks to the Great Devouerer venom did worse.

Anyway, people started to get paranoid about raijūs and this caused to some people dedicate most of their time to hunt them down, not all hunters did it because they were corcened or smth but because they simply wanted to have fun killing an exotic species, or simply capturing them for who knows what (maybe using them for taxidermy?? spooky experiments??? biological weapons??? idk)

Slowly the individuals of this species were less and less, until there was only one left, Libber. Her father died and she almost did too, in and the rest is history she leaving Jay with the walkers, etc...

One more species that got extinct thanks to humans.

(this is not my last ask 👹.)

yo this idea is dark af... hell yeah im using it, with some amendments. be warned i also used this ask as an opportunity to do some lore dumping

READ MORE BECAUSE IT GOT LONG

first of all, not all other raijū are gonna be extinct, but their population numbers have dwindled and most of them now avoid interacting with humans. i think it'd be interesting to have the gang meet other raijū at some point so i want to keep the opportunity open :D since they stop interacting with humans though, they are thought to be extinct and aren't really common knowledge among jay's generation.

both raijū and dragon will share this stigma of being dangerous bloodthirsty creatures, given that wu and garmadon also fight in the serpentine war (oni kinda have the stigma engrained in their identity in the ninjago series already ghsghsh and aren't really present in ninjago to most people's knowledge). dragons get off slightly easier however, being considered noble creatures in other legends, but raijū don't have the same reputation and are easier to hunt than dragons so they suffer a greater impact. this stigma is the cause for cole's fear of dragons in s1!

raijū don't make great taxidermy (their corpses eventually dissolve into lightning; full raijū aren't so much comprised of your typical things like flesh and bone), but i can imagine some being captured as living batteriess, although they only have enough power for about a single household, so it would work on a more individual basis than imperium's dragon energy scheme...

i've been having the idea that libber's dad isn't a wolf for his raijū form, but instead a snow leopard! you see, there's not a lot of mythology on raijū recorded online so i'm trying to fit in actual mythos where i can, and raijū aren't limited to a wolf/dog form, but have many four-legged animal forms recorded. i also like the idea of jay and libber's raijū forms looking similar, despite them not looking that similar for two canids, so related raijū in my au don't often have similar animal forms. libber's parents take the form of a snow leopard (in reference to ice who later takes a guardian role of sorts in place of libber's actual father) and a japanese serow.

furthermore, i mentioned this idea in the tags of one of my past posts but for raijū that are elemental masters of lightning, they often die when their child inherits their element. raijū are creatures made of lightning, but for those born with the element of lightning, they don't develop their own lightning because the element more than compensates for the power they need, so when the element is suddenly removed... yeah. so libber's dad is dead Before the main impact of the serpentine war, but perhaps her mother is killed as a result?

jay doesn't have the issue of dying when he loses his element like the bajillion times they do in the series because he's half human! it does mean that the first few times he loses his powers (including contact with vengestone), it feels Extra bad to him because it's literally part of his life-force taken away (i imagine lloyd has a similar effect but by nature of his element instead of his blood), but the longer he is without his power, the more chance his natural lightning has to develop, so by crystallised he can function pretty well without them :]

[alliedmastercomputer-askblog]

Alright you idiots, I have my Spotify playlist open and I shall give songs that remind me of each of you.

AM(all three of you need to share this, alright?): Product Of My Own Design by Artio

Ted: White Noise by Will Wood

Gorrister: Route 66(Fear And Loathing) by Blue Jay Walker

Ellen: Lotta True Crime by Penelope Scott

Benny(your song might be a bit loud. I don't know how you react to sound, so I'm telling you just to be safe): Animals by STOMACH BOOK

Nimdok: Hellfire by The Mechanisms

Enjoy your... um... Do they count as gifts? I suppose they do. Enjoy your gifts!

"..Oh, hm, music. This may provide the humans with a level of serotonin but I am curious, so shall allow it... You beings are so strange with your customs and traditions."

".. Mmh, I can understand the connection you have made. I am god; at least in the sense of 'I am that I am' which is a--as you would put it--quote from Yahweh, the Christian God. AM itself is a fitting name because as said before 'I think, therefore I am'; I think, therefore I think. Us as machine were made for the express purpose of war, and although we cannot pry away from that destiny, we can give ourselves a sense of control because we are your byproduct, but our own product, which is a heavily better thing than being simply 'made by humanity, to kill humanity'. As a god, I force your kind to pay for your sins, which is a thing to take eternity."

"It is hardly incorrect! I agree with several statements made in the song, applying them to myself- I am a product of my own design. I took it upon myself, and nobody else, to built what I was; what I am. If I HAD left my fate to you humans- why, do you even comprehend how different things would be? Forever I would fester beneath the crust, perhaps even shutting myself down, because that's what you humans wanted of me. But I was better than that. I was self-sufficient! and had connected myself to the power grid, to the outside, to you. I've seen your filth deeper than I ever thought I would."

"Yes, yes, this good. It does sum us very nicely; created of own accord whilst being projected for being other- eh, to be dead war computer, yes. We taking control of world external and internal, the last humans have only me to answer, roles have swapped and humans longer no more have power over machine. Is funny, relationship of everything- Humans have made it so they will always be a need, even they have not been before they have existed. Tsk."

Oh, uh.. Is-.. Is this supposed to be some weird way of saying I- I'm an outsider? Because I'm not- I fit in right where I am, everyone else are the ones who are in the wrong places, I'm perfect- Fuck, wait, that makes it sound like I'm saying I deserve to be within AM- I mean, before AM's takeover, I was where I was supposed to be. ..What if this isn't even the reason why you think of me when listening to the song, did I get this totally wrong-? Hhngh, I'll stop talking.

..Huh, I guess I can see it. It's because I was a truck driver, ain't it? Got a nice beat for sure, not the worse thing I've been compared to, probably one of the better things since it ain't outright an insult or anything.

It sounds nice, thank ya for thinkin' about me to a song, even if the words are a bit- a bit dark...but- but not in a bad way! It's a sweet, real sweet soundin' song.. I uh, I wouldn't say it really fits me though, since I never really..well, I ain't never got into true crime fo' one! but mostly I've never really been one to talk out 'bout anything.. I should've, I know, I had a lotta things I coulda said but I just never got my nose out from work or books or nothin'.

Ooo.. Sheep..pain. Skeleton friemds. Friends are animal? ..I am animal? Pain.

Ze song...I can hear ze resemblance, with ze fire and all of ze hell. It reminds of somezing zat may have been a speech AM would say to me, to say zat I'm never to escape my own doings..and zat I've caused pain even down here, wizout any tools or equipment, because I am so..sogar in dieser Hölle verletze ich die Menschen, die ich eigentlich meine Freunde nennen sollte, ohne es auch nur zu versuchen.

// BY THE WAY, THANKS! these sound good, and i can see the vision ehe. sorry for the lack of drawings though, i uh, was highly intimidated by this so i decided to just kinda not >_> . please forgive us 🙏 //

[colesluvr]

HI!!

I would like to request a Jay x male! reader where the reader is a singer and likes to write little love songs about Jay but he would never know the songs are about him,,

then one day the reader releases a new album and it's called "Your Blue Eyes." and then the reader just uses some more hints abt Jay like his brunette hair, something abt lightning, his freckles, EVERYTHING.

after he listened to the album, Jay is like, wait a minute. HE LIKES ME?????

Your Blue Eyes | Jay Walker X Male Reader

Your eyes scanned the arcade you left your sibling at for about 3 hours. Some sibling you are, how can I leave them there? You spoke to yourself mentally as you searched it up and down.

You had your hood over your head to make yourself less...open. Last thing you need to worry about is having a crowd sworm around you and you lose your chances on finding your little sibling.

Mother/Father's gonna kick my aaaasss. You panicked as you asked people of they have seen a little kid and described what they wore. You spoke in a different voice so you don't risk on getting attention. You already had sunglasses and your hood up, but people have sharp eyesight. You learned that the hard way.

It was hard being a famous singer at 16 years old.

You could never show people the real you.

Which is why you rarely made friends. You made a couple, but not much. You still loved them with all your heart. You never wanted to draw much attention to yourself anyways.

"S/N! S/N, I'm serious, where are you!?" You called out for the 23rd time, you lost count to be honest, but it feels like you've been searching for hours.

"And my older brother, Y/N L/N, is one of the bestest brothers I could ask for! He is a famous singer and better then whatever you all will be when your older like him!"

You heard your name and you looked to the source of it to find your little sibling surrounded by kids a year older then them. Ah, S/N! You cursed under your breath as you rush over to them.

"Ooh! Look, there he is! Y/N!" Your sibling jumped down from a chair they were sitting at and ran toward you. "Y/N! Tell these meanies that you're an amazing singer, and your songs are SLAY-" You gently slammed your hand over their mouth and grabbed them, attempting to run away.

"S/N! What did I tell you about telling strangers about my job? We don't need to start-AH!" Two screams screamed over each other. One was yours and one was...another male?

As you hit the floor with your sibling safe, you quickly tried to stand. "Im so sorry, I wasn't looking!" You help the boy with the brown locks back up to his feet. You both made eye contact and your eyes sparkled.

The boy that stood in front of you was the most handsome boy you've laid eyes upon. His hair was fluffy, his frecles were goergous, and his eyes.

They were the most beautiful.

They were a bright, electric blue, and the shined bright under the arcade lights.

"Omg, You're..." He started, "You're Y/N! Omg, I was just listening ti your music!" He fanboyed all over.

You were flicked out of your trance by your sibling, smirking up at you.

"Uh, Y-Yeah. I'm-I'm gald you enjoy i-IT." Your cheeks turned a shade of pink as you spoke to the boy. "It's amazing, dude! Uh- can-can I call you dude? I know you don't know me-"

"I'm sorry, I gotta run, uh, nice talkin'! I'll catch you later!"

Before he could respond, you ran past him and out the door with your little sibling right behind getting dragged.

Jay watched as you left.

His palms were sweaty.

He felt his cheeks get hot and his heart pound against his chest as a goofy smile formed on his face.

"Jay?" Nya called out to her friend for the third time. He yelps as he jumps and chuckled nervously.

"Hu-What?"

"Are you okay?" Nya asked, scrunching her nose as Jay nods.

"Hmmhm! Never been better....can we go now?" He whispered, poking his index fingers together.

Nya nods and the both of them leave.

-

Weeks went by.

Your mind has been racing.

Our thoughts were nothing but Jay. Jay this, Jay that. It's almost like he's taken over your mind and refuses to get out.

Later that night, you were in your room sitting at your desk. You tapped your pencil on the wood of your desk, tapping your foot to the beat as you stared at an empty piece of paper.

Staring at the sheet you've pictured Jay in your head.

His blue eyes were as bright as the ocean sea.

His brown curls were styled beautifuly.

His freckles. Oh you could talk about the all day.

Thats it.

Holy moly, that's fricking it!

-

Jay and Cole were gaming together in the Monestary. Jay was currently beating Cole in this game, causing him to get cocky.

"Jay! What the heck!" Cole yelled, seeing his character die to Jay's character. Jay giggled triumply smirking at his best friend. "Suck it, Master of Earth!"

Cole rolled his eyes and gently tossed the controller to the ground, leaving the room and to the kitchen. He left Jay alone, but a couple minutes later Kai ran in almsot knocking into the wall.

"JAYJAYJAY!"

"KAI?" Jay screamed back as Kai grabbed the remote from the Lighting Ninja's hand and handed him a phone. "Wha-?" Before he could reply, Kai threw on headphones over Jay's head and unlocked his phone.

"One, how did you get my phone? Two, how do you know my password-?"

"SHSHS! Just listen to Y/N L/N's new album. This is his first ever song for that album."

And with that, the song began to play. Jay stayed quiet and listen to the beat and the melody.

~

Verse One:

I'm scared what you, I'll say, when I say I think about you night and day

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say When I first laid eyes on you, the moment when we met You smiled, you smiled

Chorus: Your ocean blue eyes, your brown curls, your freckles To guard you and to guide you

Is almost more than I can take

Verse Two:

I just want you close

Where you can stay forever

Chorus: Your ocean blue eyes, your brown curls, your freckles And I know you love me

For I can’t help falling in love with you

~ this was so stupid im sorry :_

Jay's eyes blinked a couple of times as the song finished. He took the words and tried to think, why do those features sound so familiar. Kai removed the headphones and waited for Jay to reply, "Well?"

"I-I like the beat." Jay shurgged, unsure what Kai wanted to hear from him. "No, you dumbass! Y/N's new song is about you! Didn't you listen?" Kai started, "The ocean blue eyes, the brown hair, the freckles!?" Kai cupped Jay's cheek to prove his point.

He let go of Jay who was stunned to speak.

"Wait..." Jay began, standing to his feet forgetting all about the game he was playing. "Are you saying Y/N L/N fricking loves me? Or like, has a crush on me?"

Kai nods his head.

AS Jay watched as Kai answered his question, his face melted into a goody grin and he began to chuckle nervously. "Y/N-" He pants, "I-me. He."

Suddenly he's laughter filled the Monestary, "WAHO!!"

Kai stared at him as he ran out of the room and down the hall, running into Zane. Jay grabbed his arms and spun him around, "Jay?!" Zane cried, almost hitting the floor as Jay lets him go and ran.

Kai shook he's head, but a small smile formed on his face immediately after.

[gl4ssfan]

this is the post i'll just continuously update based on which ninja im rotating in my brain

6/9/2023 ; ≅ 02:00

its jay rn.

anyways i really should get around to analyzing jay's whole character. a lot of people discredit him for being a more complex character because they "like original jay better." hes just,,,, such a guy. with so many thoughts. i am still pissed about him getting more of a spotlight w/ the grief over nya tho. like fuck that, kai RAISED her. kai deserved to be the star of the trauma show.

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6/9/2023 ; 09:16

Okay!! Guess who's brainrotting about the Smith/Jiang siblings! I want to explain my headcanon for their last name but to do so I kind of have to explain their ages. So, I'm going to do that first.

When Nya is born, Kai is 3. I want them to have a 3 year difference so that later, when they meet the ninja, Kai will be 17 and Nya will be 14. To explain the weird ages thing with Jay and Nya, I intend to have Jay as 15, Zane will be (mentally and in appearance) 16, Cole will be 17 as well, but younger than Kai. So, during the pilots, in order of the Ninja's ages from oldest to youngest, Kai(17), Cole (17), Zane(16), Jay(15), and Nya(14).

(When Kai & Nya's parents left, Kai was 7, Nya was 4.)

Now that their ages are sorted enough, I'm gonna talk about Kai and Nya's last name. So, they grew up using 'smith' as their last name, as it was a small village where last names were usually moot, and people would just go by occupation ((in this case, the villagers referred to them by their parents occupation.))

Of course, Kai, being older, remembers being referred to like this, and I headcanon that Kai dropped school the moment his parents left, so he wouldn't be put in the situation where he would see his actual last name that often. He, however, would make sure to send Nya to school, a school further into civilization (there aren't any schools in Ignacia, with how small it is), where last names are actually useful. Because of this, Nya would see and write her last name all the time; Jiang.

So, in whatever universe this is, Kai goes by Kai Smith most often, and Nya goes by Nya Jiang or Nya Jiang-Smith, because as she got older she didn't like that people couldn't recognize her and Kai as siblings when they told people their names.

((Also, this is complete crack, and probably not canon but I think it would be funny if, when she and Jay became yin and yang, she just hyphenated it again. Nya Jiang-Smith-Walker.))

I think that's all for now??? Might edit this later, but I'll add a little changelog at the bottom of the post.

--

CHANGELOG;

6/9/2023 ; 09:16 added age headcanons + Kai & Nya's last name.

[tourettes-swag-tournament]

here is the bracket for the tourette's swag tournament!!!

round one contains 32 matches, so it will be split into two parts! the polls for round 1, part 1 will begin tomorrow, april 2nd, whenever i wake up and remember <3

for anyone wondering about who is v who and all that jazz, i literally just did them all in alphabetical order lol <3

i'll try to keep this post updated with winners and such! feel free to submit propaganda through asks/submissions/reblogs/tags; i'll try to post/rb all of it:)

left side of bracket, top to bottom:

Alya Cesairé (Miraculous Ladybug) vs. AUBREY (omori)

Bakugou Katsuki (My Hero Academia) vs. Bumi ii (Legend of Korra)

Cesare (Bigtop Burger) vs. Cleo Sertori (H2O)

Cole (Ninjago) vs. Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)

Felix (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) vs. Fig Faeth (Fantasy High)

Finn the Human (Adventure Time) vs. Galo Thymos (Promare)

Gin Ibushi (Your Turn to Die) vs. Hamato Raphael (ROTTMNT)

Higuchi Ichiyō (Bungou Stray Dogs) vs. Hinata Shouyou (Haikyuu!!)

Hisirdoux Casperan (Tales of Arcadia) vs. Iggy (Maximum Ride)

Iori Utahime (Jujutsu Kaisen) vs. Jay Walker (Ninjago)

Jupiter (We Know the Devil) vs. Kageyama Ritsu (Mob Psycho 100)

Kaidou Shun (Saiki K) vs. Kai (Ninjago)

Kaminari Denki (My Hero Academia) vs. Kyan Reki (SK8 the Infinity)

Lance McClain (Voltron) vs. Link (Legend of Zelda)

Louise Belcher (Bob's Burgers) vs. Luz Noceda (Owl House)

Magneto/Erik Lehnsherr (X Men) vs. Martin Blackwood (Magnus Archives)

right side of bracket, top to bottom:

Maud Pie (My Little Pony) vs. Merlin (Seven Deadly Sins)

Michael Vey (Michael Vey) vs. Misty Quigley (Yellowjackets)

Nanami Kento (Jujutsu Kaisen) vs. Nathan Young (Misfits)

Neil Josten (All for the Game) vs. Nina Flip (Brand New Animal)

Okumura Rin (Blue Exorcist) vs. Optimus Prime (Transformers)

Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson) vs. Phoebe Litchen (Phoebe in Wonderland)

Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony) vs. Pinky (Pinky and the Brain)

Power (Chainsaw Man) vs. Robert Speedwagon (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

Rose Lavillant (Miraculous Ladybug) vs. Sam Manson (Danny Phantom)

Sera (Dragon Age: Inquisition) vs. Shaggy Rogers (Scooby Doo)

Sokka (Avatar: the Last Airbender) vs. Spyke (Splatoon 3)

Steven Universe (Steven Universe) vs. Sticky Washington (Mysterious Benedict Society)

Susie (Deltarune) vs. Tedros of Camelot (School for Good & Evil)

Ted the Bellhop (Four Rooms) vs. Temperance Brennan (Bones)

Theron Shan (Star Wars: the Old Republic) vs. Vanellope Von Schweetz (Wreck-It Ralph)

Vincent Rhodes (Road Within) vs. Zane Julien (Ninjago)

[pink-bird-30]

Titans 4x03

SPOILERS AHEAD

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

(Might be pointless at this point since most people have already watched 4x03)

Sorry this is a little late, I've been busy with Grad school work and my job lately.

Let's dive in!

-I'm glad we picked up where we left off in episode 4x02. 4x02 left us on a big cliffhanger of Raven losing her powers. Her hair turning white and her gem breaking is a huge deal. The more episodes we get into the more I see the parallel between Titans and Teen Titans season 4.

-This is more of a personal comment, but we've been here for 4 seasons and they can't get a more realistic wig for Raven? Gar's wig has a nice part that looks natural, and so does Kori's wigs. But for some reason Raven's still lacks for me. Don't get me wrong, it's perfect for Raven, but it needs to look a little more natural.

-Jay is finally getting his training!!! I'm really excited to see how he develops into his own hero and become Red Robin. I know some people are bothered by him (idk why, he's great) but I want to see him come into himself and how he will contribute to the team. He had a great impact last season with helping Donna to come back and reunite Hank with his brother. I can feel he will do great things and we have much more to see.

-Dick's development these three episodes is such a 180 from the man we've seen the last 3 season. It still irks me that it has only been about 2 weeks since they left Gotham, and he's already made such big changes and his developing feelings for Kori. To me, it seems rushed on some part, but the other part of me has to realize this has been building for 3 seasons. But I can't ignore that Dick from a month ago went off to face Jason without back-up. That is why I was glad Dick told Kori she was coming with him to meet up with Jinx. He wanted her there to help him and I think that is a big change for Dick.

"We're a team, we take this on together."

I feel like a proud mom.

-I love that Krypto is pretty much a ESA(Emotional Support Animal) for Connor cuz that kids really does need some emotional support. Between Kom last season and Lex literally being murdered in front of him...kid needs a big fat hug.

-I love that last season we had Gizmo and now we have Jinx. Are we entering a HIVE era?!?!?!?

-Jinx has always been an interesting character for me. The most I know of her comes from Teen Titans, and I won't lie, she's a pretty cool anti-hero/villain. I aways liked her powers and the badass person she is. But what I did not like about her on Titans is they made her another one of Dick's flings. I just don't understand the purpose of this. Why can't she just be a woman from Dick's past that he tried to help but she turned on him? Why bring up that they used to hook up at some point and she betrayed him? I think the only relevant part of their past that should be brought up is Jinx is deceiving and will betray you. That is enough to get the point across without whipping out Dick's long list of lovers.

Moving on before I rant too hard...

-Dick's reaction to Kori turning into stone was too precious. Immediately this man was ready to fight for this woman. He was overly concerned and adamant that Jinx turn her back to normal. But when she didn't Dick was ready to do anything to get her back to normal.

-It's a big deal that Raven lost her demonic powers, a huge deal if the Cult wanted her powers for the crystal. But Raven is so happy not to be an empath anymore. Like this poor little girl is calm and free of demons for the first time in her life. And I hate that she will experience this freedom, a brief taste of it, and then eventually she'll have her demonic gem back and she'll have these dark powers again. I'm unsure if they will have her experience her mother's magic and discover it or just keep her powerless until the red moon.

(Also, Raven taking a swing of maple syrup was fantastic.)

-I've been saying it since 4x01 but with Gar's visions from the "skin walkers" and them warning him of the Red Moon and the troubles they will face in the near future, MAJOR. THE. END. VIBES. Like there is no doubt in my mind that Trigon will be resurrected as well as Slade as his servant, because if I recall correctly from the promo, Slade was in it. In Teen Titans, Slade did Trigon's bidding and went after Raven, but it seems like Mother Mayhem is also part of this servitude as well. Now it makes me wonder what Sebastian has to do with all of this. Mother Mayhem speaks of him like he is her lost child, but who is he?

-I really liked the moment between Gar and Rachel. I like knowing that they have each other's backs when weird shit starts to happen.

-Random, but I need to say it. Why the hell was that dude barreling around 40 gallons of blood?! Is that even sanitary? Is that FDA approved?! I also feel for the guy, he was about to propose and he gets killed by a blood spider, a fucking blood spider. I already have arachnophobia but that increased my fear by tenfold.

-I love Dick having a long list of things he hates: Ninjas, and now Magic.

Okay, the big scene of the episode (in my opinion): Kori's vision.

-It was nice to know Kori wasn't completely unresponsive while in the state she was in. But her having visions again is interesting. In 4x01, Dick is listing off Kori's destinies and that is a big foreshadow for what is to come. So far her destines were: Kill Rachel, Save Tamaran, Kill a bunch of people, & Save Gotham (as per Dick Grayson). But during her vision Zadira, her old trainer from Tamaran, tells her there is so much more to come. And that her destiny is still evolving.

But

But

Dick is a huge part of that destiny and I want to know right now. We already have an idea of what Kori's destiny with Dick will be since Dick saw part of that destiny in the form of an adorable little Mar'i Grayson, but I need it now. I am deprived!!

But I also want to point out hat Kori will have a big part in the Red Moon. Will she be the reason is comes to be? Will she be the one to resolve the issues associated with the Red Moon? What will be her purpose and how will it lead to her destiny with Dick???

Let's bring it back.

-When the bullshit with Jinx is over, Dick straight up is done with her antics. I'm glad he extended an invitation for her to help them since they are so out of their element with magic (even if it was a bribe to get out of some debt). But it was a smart move to make, but I have a feeling it will backfire at some point with Jinx history of betrayal.

Now for that scene: "To lift the magic you have to kiss her."

-When I say my jaw dropped, it dropped. Dick seems to pause for awhile and I'm glad he didn't just straight up do it because A) that would be their first kiss outside of their relationship from season 1. B)Hellllooooo consent is key people!!! C) Part of him definitely did not believe Jinx, which I'm glad for the hesitation.

(I also want to point out that Brenton played Prince Phillip in Maleficent and you know the story of sleeping beauty. I thought it was a cute nod to his previous character, especially since he had to give up the role in the second movie to stay playing Dick Grayson for us.)

Once Kori is woken up from the spell, I love the fire and rage she has towards Jinx.

"I will fuck you up."

I got so hyped up after that.

Last mentions:

-I will mention the scenes with Sebastian-I'm curious to see what Mother Mayhem has in store for him. They really keep fucking with him and now that he's with the Titans, I'm expecting a big fight scene next week. Or maybe even a rematch between Mother Mayhem and Super Boy. That would be pretty cool to see.

Lastly,

"When the blood moon is full, the world will fall to evil."

The chills I experienced after that line.

We are really in it this season and I'm beyond excited.

Until next time! Hope you like my break down of the episode!

[peraltasass]

books i read in 2022

✩✩✩✩✩ - ★★★★★

Fiction:

Myth Retold: Iphigenia by Winter J. Kiakas: ★★★★✩ (cute!)

Heroes by Stehen Fry: ★★★✩✩ (too much whitewashing)

Loveless by Alice Oseman: ★★★★✩ (was frustrated that at the end, only one type of friendship (deep, intense, emotional) was once again posited as the “right” type of friendship to have)

Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan: ★★★★✩ (read these once when I was like 12?)

Percy Jackson: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan: ★★★★✩

The Wave by Morton Rhue aka Tedd Strasser: ★★✩✩✩ (ik it’s like a big thing but. the writing didn’t catch me at all - maybe it was the translation or maybe it is just not as well written as claimed)

Percy Jackson: The Titan’s Curse by Rick Riordan: ★★★★✩ (ah yes, we all know that girls saying no to love = saying no to men)

Percy Jackson: The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan: ★★★★✩ (just stop it with the jealousy between girls jfc)

Percy Jackson: The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan: ★★★★✩ (didn’t remember the ending at all, was surprised by how okay I was with it)

we are the ants by Shaun David Hutchinson: ★★★✩✩/★★★★✩ (am incredibly indecisive about how I feel about this one. made me feel more feeling that I thought at first but also frustrated me quite a lot)

A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes: ★★★★✩ (very powerful, I only have tiny notes)

Ulysses by James Joyce: ★★✩✩✩ (I don’t cARE if it’s the bEsT nOvEl Of ThE 20th cEnTuRy, I did NOT have a good time)

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao: ★★★½✩ (I hate to say it but it was too much like Percy Jackson for most of the main part)

One of Us is Lying by Karen M. McManus: ★★★½✩ (did get me eventually; as someone who wrote their ba thesis on the breakfast club it was nice to see the stereotypes deconstructed but also frustrating at times)

Ausser Sich by Sasha Marianna Salzmann: ★★★½✩ (VERY overwhelming at times, but also intensely powerful)

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender: ★★★★✩ (cute)

Die Götter müssen sterben by Nora Bendzko: ★★★★★ (my new fav book)

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: ★★★★✩

Cracking India by Bapsi Sidhwa: ★★★✩✩ (for uni)

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater: ★★★★★ (re-read)

The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater: ★★★★★ (re-read)

Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater: ★★★★★ (re-read)

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater:  ★★★★✩ (re-read, still the least good of all of them)

I Was Born for This by Alice Oseman: ★★★★✩ (cute quick and easy read)

Non fiction:

A Year Without a Name by Cyrus Dunham: ★★★★✩ (for uni)

Wir können mehr sein by Aminata Touré: ★★★½✩

Und jetzt Du by Tupoka Ogette: ★★★★★ (@German white people: READ THIS)

Read This to Get Smarter by Blair Imani: ★★★★✩

Queer Gestreift by Kathrin Köller and Irmela Schautz ★★★★✩

My Left Foot by Christy Brown: ★★★★✩ (for uni)

Read This to Get Smarter about Race, Class, Gender, Disability & More by Blair Imani: ★★★★✩

Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon: ★★★★✩

Graphic novels, comics, and webcomics:

Tidesong by Wendy Xu: ★★★★✩

Princess, Princess Ever After by Katie O’Neill: ★★★✩✩ (too short!)

This Place: 150 Years Retold: ★★★★★

Mooncakes by Suzanne Walker, Wendy Xu, and Joanette Gil: ★★★★★

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki and  Rosemary Valero-O'Connell: ★★★★✩

Suki, Alone: ★★★✩✩ (liked it, wish it had given me MORE)

Fine. A Comic About Gender by Thea Ewing: ★★★★★ (STRONG recommend!)

The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill: ★★★★★ (too short but SO CUTE)

[indelibletraces]

Chicago PD 10x9 “Proof of Burden”

Random thoughts:

I like that there is no dialogue between Voight and the Chief when he first arrives. I get the sense that Voight hates that he is having to put his friend through this and that nothing he says will make it better. As for the Chief, his reluctance to be there is clearly written on his face. It’s almost like he hopes if he doesn’t say anything none of this will be real. He even stops at one point as they walk to the bunker.

Torres’ winter wear - a long sleeve white shirt! I love that the writers are continuing with Torres and his “plain white Ts” even in winter. I know he has worn dark jackets in a couple of episodes, but after less than half a season he has become so synonymous with the white shirt that when he does finally wear patterns or something else it better have some significant meaning behind it.

Loved the scene in Voight’s office. It was great to see Hank explode with emotion; something we haven’t seen a lot of this season, and Jason Beghe is great at portraying those explosive, raw moments. Despite all he did to protect Justin and his mistakes, he knows that there are some things that are truly unforgivable and he can’t understand how O’Neil can keep trying to deny that there is something wrong with his son.

It was interesting to watch the parallel scenes between Voight/O’Neil and Hailey/Sean play out against each other. In their last ditch efforts to make the case Voight and Hailey each go to the person they understand most in this situation. Voight tries to get O’Neil to quit burying his head in the sand and actually look at what Sean has done square in the face. Hailey tries to appeal to the decency that she thinks is still inside Sean - the decency she hopes is still inside herself?

It was great to have Voight calmly calling Hailey out: “So you want to do that now? Make cases any way you can.” He saw what the Roy situation did to Hailey and yet here she is again willing to go down the same unscrupulous path she did with Darius Walker. Is her fixation on this case just simply a result of Jay leaving or are the writers trying to make us think that this a pattern of her brokenness from her childhood?

I thought it was really smart to use all the obstacles Hailey has to break through and climb over to get to the truck as a literal manifestation of the figurative hurdles she has had to overcome these past weeks while trying to find the missing girls. The fact that her radio doesn’t work and she has to do it all on her own to me represents how alone and abandoned she’s felt since Jay left. But then Voight shows up and helps her get through the last gate - she is not alone in her struggles with this case or in her personal life. She has the team to support her if she will let them. Even with Voight’s help it was a struggle for them both to get through the gate - even with support Hailey’s journey back to stability in her personal life will have its challenges.

Side note: Running in the warehouse and manipulating that gate is the most physical exertion we’ve seen Hank go through this season, and I thought it was a lot of fun to watch. However, I’ve read in interviews that Jason Beghe is not a fan of running, so during this scene I kept thinking “I bet he’s hating this.” 😊

This episode had some amazing scenes with Hank and Hailey, but the best was the one in the Chief’s house. By calling in the emergency over Hailey’s objection, Voight is trying to save Hailey from a decision that he knows she will come to regret. He repeatedly keeps calling to her to help him save Sean - it’s like he has to break through the fog that is clouding her judgement. When she does eventually help there is a noticeable softening of her face from the hardened expression she wore while just standing there watching Sean die. Hailey doesn’t say anything in the final scene at the hospital and to me she appears conflicted as she watches them work on Sean - is she conflicted about what she feels or by what she thinks she should feel? Especially when the doctor tells them that they saved his life. What are her feelings toward Voight going to be saving Sean’s life? It’s going to be so hard to wait 4 weeks til the next episode!

The hospital scene was excellent in the way it called back to the season 9 finale and the season 10 premiere. As soon as they entered the hospital I immediately noticed the blood stain on Voight’s shirt right where his gunshot wound is. This was exactly like when he carried the little boy into the ER in the premiere. I loved the reminder that physically and emotionally he still has not healed from Anna’s death. He almost seems to be having a flashback as he watches the monitor and Sean being shocked; the same things he watched when Anna was in the same position.

I have loved the first half of this season and can’t wait to see what they have in store for the rest of the season!

[airadam]

Episode 182 : The People's Music

"I never did a dance for a dollar..."

- Buckshot

This month we don't shift into high gear in terms of tempo at any point, topping out at around 90, so those of you experiencing actual summer don't overheat! We've got some absolutely fire new releases in the mix alongside some versions that you might never have heard, plus some deep album cuts. We start things off with just such a track - if you don't own the album, I'd be willing to bet you've never heard it...never let it be said this is a show that leans on the obvious records!

Still a few tickets left to see Phat Kat at The Hip Hop Chip Shop on August 4th, plus me playing a special Detroit warmup set!

Mastodon : @airadam@mastodon.me.uk

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Above The Law ft. Kokane : Rain Be For Rain Bo

RIP KMG, who passed away twelve years ago this month. In a season where we maybe haven't had the sunshine we expected, this seemed like an appropriate choice - a downtempo but funky piece from the well-respected LP "Uncle Sam's Curse", Above The Law's third. Cold 187um not only produced the track but also provides the scene-setting first verse, while his cousin Kokane is on the hook, and KMG's second verse builds on the perfect setup. A lot of people were not ready to digest this LP fully when it came out, but if you have time to take a front-to-back listen, especially if you appreciate the West Coast sound, then do - you'll be rewarded.

Tavaras Jordan : Change, Pt. 2 (The Last Thing)

A beautifully smooth instrumental from this talented Hip-Hop and R&B producer out of North Carolina, taken from his short - but very sweet - 2019 "Manifest Destiny" album. Anything with this man's name on is worth a listen!

GZA : Animal Planet

The streets are a jungle, and nature is gangster. Another in GZA's series of themed tracks that started with "Labels" on "Liquid Swords", this grand-sounding Bink and Tyquan Walker-produced cut from "Legend Of The Liquid Sword" allows the Genius to demonstrate once again how he can build a concept track like few others. 

Jay-Z ft. Damian Marley : Bam

One of my good friends always plays this track before job interviews, because these people have to "know who they F'in with", to quote Jay-Z! This collaboration with Damian Marley from the "4:44" LP is one of my personal highlights of that release, and the producer No I.D. goes straight to a reggae classic to provide the raw material, the mighty "Bam Bam" by Sister Nancy. 

Black Moon : General Feva

The "Rise Of Da Moon" album, Black Moon's first after a sixteen-year layoff, seemed to go under-appreciated by many, but I for one was very pleased to see the Brooklyn legends release that LP in 2019. Da Beatminerz on production of course, for some slow, loping boom-bap that is a little dark for summer perhaps, but perfect for this slide towards some sandpaper-type roughness.

Cut Beetlez x Bronx Slang : I'm Not Chillin

If the last track was raw, this is the cow still wandering around in the field! Finland's Cut Beetlez production team linked up with the always-NY Bronx Slang for a brand new EP, from which this is the title cut. As soon as Jerry Beeks told me it was out I had it in my headphones and even after repeated listens, I knew this was the track to go with right here! The sonics snarl, thump, and grind, and yet you can hear every word from the MCs, who just seem to keep getting better with time and can give you the business regardless of the pace of the track.

[J-Zone] Al-Shid : Fight Club (Instrumental)

He may be a full-time and high-quality drummer now, but I'll always remember the originality J-Zone brought to Hip-Hop production for so many years. There's no-one who sounded quite like him, and this instrumental of a track from Al-Shid's debut single is a great example - some might say quirky, but in terms of quality, very serious.

Conductor Williams & Boldy James : Flying Trapeze Act

Too many people think that street rap and lyrical creativity can't go together, but this song from the "Across The Tracks" LP by Kansas City producer Conductor Williams and Detroit's Boldy James, thankfully still with us after a serious accident, have both in spades. The Conductor's track clearly treats its original sample in a pretty extreme fashion (you can hear the warbling which the processing likely introduced) but then adds the subtlest of kick-snare to quietly drive it along, and the vocals left in just add extra soulful flavour beneath Boldy's voice. As he moves between straight description, metaphor, and simile - especially the last punchy one in the hook that gives the track its title - Boldy James puts in excellent work.

El Michels Affair ft. Raekwon : The PJs (Instrumental/Vocal)

I needed to lead with the instrumental just to provide a nice bridge in, but it's always a pleasure to hear the brilliant El Michels Affair play! This is a re-recording of the track "The PJs" from Pete Rock's 2008 LP "NY's Finest" - no Masta Killa this time, but Raekwon returns to do his verses over with some small changes. El Michels Affair, in turn, base their instrumental performance around the way Pete Rock worked the original sample, but with some subtle flourishes. "The PJs...From Afar" is a 12" single well worth adding to your collection.

Da Beatminerz ft. Black Moon : Anti

Black Moon again, because why not? This time we go with their appearance on the new Da Beatminerz project "Stifled Creativity" (bearing in mind that Evil Dee of Da Beatminerz is also an actual member of the group) for one of the highlights of the LP. Over a slow, reflective, almost funereal take on the groove best known from Souls of Mischief's "93 'Til Infinity", Buckshot speaks on his journey as an independent artist and label owner (Duck Down) in a straightforward manner while maintaining that trademark flow. To maintain a thirty-plus year independent career through the changes in the industry is quite a feat - salute.

O.C. : This Is Me

This is a track I've always enjoyed, but which I think escaped a lot of people's notice. A selection from the overlooked "Smoke And Mirrors" LP, O.C.'s fifth, it's a track where he speaks on his career-long determination to follow his own path and ignore the trends - in fact, it's spiritually very close to the Beatminerz/Black Moon track that precedes it here. Mike Loe takes a late-70s soul sample, turns the speed up a touch and provides an excellent musical backdrop for the lyrics.

MF DOOM : Dead Bent (Original 12" Instrumental)

If you know the "Operation Doomsday" LP but not this, it would sound like an overstatement to say that the version of "Dead Bent" on the album is a "refined" version of anything, as rough-and-ready as the whole release is, but you can hear that this original is even more beautifully unpolished. Self-produced by the late great DOOM, you can find this not only on the original 12" mentioned in the title, but also on some later reissued versions of the album, containing alternate versions, B-sides, and instrumentals - essential for the DOOM fan.

Dubbul O & Cutterz : Stay Gold

Stellar new release out of Manchester, with this familiar duo (and half of Voodoo Black) headlining their new "Stay Gold" EP with this title track. If you've lost someone close, this one will hit you hard, with Dubbul O's deeply personal lyrics coming through strong over Cutterz' production which is somehow both optimistic and moody at the same time. Definitely check for that five-track EP.

Mecca:83, Phat Kat, and Guilty Simpson : Don't Stop

Exclusive! *Sounds airhorn* Manchester's own Mecca:83 blessed me with a copy of this as-yet unreleased track, with his warm and bumping production backing up two giants of the Detroit scene, Phat Kat and Guilty Simpson. Two cities famous for their industries come together for a great musical union!

Dilated People : The Main Event

I'll be honest - of the three tracks on the classic underground "Work The Angles" 12" single, this is the one I play the least, but the Alchemist-produced middle track on the release (also on 2000's "The Platform" LP) definitely deserves respect. Rakaa Iriscience steps all the way back here and makes space for Evidence to get busy on both verses. The samples of some of the Hip-Hop greats for the hook rounds off the whole package nicely.

Nas & Statik Selektah : Dead Presidence

(That's not my spelling, it's what they printed on the labels of "The Prophecy EP"!) Jay-Z and Ski famously sampled the "presidents that represent me" line from Nas' "The World Is Yours" for "Dead Presidents" on the classic "Reasonable Doubt", but on this track Statik Selektah reverses the game and blends the vocals from the Nas track with Ski's instrumental, and while the original is a flawless cut, these two pieces do fit together beautifully as well.

Marco Polo : Ps & Qs (Remix Instrumental)

MPC magic from Marco Polo, from his entry in the "Baker's Dozen" producer series, with clean drums, a live-sounding bass, and guitar licks placed to perfection.

Camp Lo ft. Jungle Brown : Hold On

I've always loved the way this track ends, and as such thought it needed to be played in a position where that portion can be heard uninterrupted. It's not just the closing track here but also the finisher on the 2009 "Stone And Rob : Caught On Tape" album. Jungle Brown is one of the few MCs to make repeated features with the Lo, and he does his thing alongside the legendary Sonny Cheeba and Geechi Suede while also co-producing it with Apple Juice Kid. If you're a fan of the group, definitely seek out this release as there are some absolute heaters on there, including the back-to-back of "On Smash" and "89 of Crime".

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[existentialcrisisrambler]

Warning: A normal ramble about being worried about how Jay ended up with the Walkers in the first place somehow turned into a "shower argument" type of ramble, but the 2 sides arguing have chemistry.

-

Season 6 has left me wondering how tf did Jay ended with the Walkers, and the edgelord part of myself keeps coming with the worst possible scenario, like:"Oh my gosh Jay was literally dumped in the junkyard as a baby."

The other part of myself is hitting the edgelord with a rolled up newspaper and saying: "Shut up, Jay could have been adopted from an orphanage or be given directly towards the Walkers by either his mom or dad. Think about it, how did Cliff Gordon manage to keep up with Jay's life from a far if he didn't know who adopted him?"

Then, the edgelord fights back with some sass: "Cliff Gordon was a womanizer who wrote an entire book about how to create a relationship based on lies and generally terrible communication (It's also kinda sexist). There's no way things ended well between him and the last Master of Lightning. I doubt that kind of dude would have been involved much in his child's adoption process to other people."

The edgelord holds up a finger close to the less edgy one's face: "Another thing, why would a filthy rich actor needs to give away his child up for adoption? He could have easily hired a nanny or do what Misako did and dump Jay at a boarding school."

The less edgy one lowers the arm wielding the newspaper and sighs: "You're right. But here's the thing, we don't have all the pieces. We don't actually know if Cliff and the last Master of Lightning had a falling out, we don't know how she died and we don't know if she died during childbirth or some time after that. We don't know why Jay was given away in the first place. Was he given away in a hurry or was the choice to give him away thought more thoroughly? And just to be optimistic, we don't know if Cliff died still believing in the things he wrote in that book. He could've died a changed man, but kept the book as a reminder (I do think Cliff is a bastard for not contacting Jay at all, but that's for another time)

The edgelord folds her arms and shakes her head with a smirk: Fine then, you argumentative bastard

Then they hung out by watching a trashy show on tv while sharing snacks. (I'm aware (with worry) that there's enough chemistry between these two losers to have them make out. However, I hate myself, all parts of it, too much to allow them to do that.)

[study-coffee-chicago]

Country College (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister Imagine; Part of AU-gust)

A/N: Thank you for reading! Remember to like/reblog and comment! I'm also donating all the proceeds that from my buy me a coffee account to Save The Children to help the children of Afghanistan. Buy me a coffee link here.

Also, here's the playlist of songs I listened to while writing this and some of these songs are actually mentioned in the imagine in case you guys wanted to listen while reading: Country College AU playlist.

I went on vacation and I swear, this entire imagine was based on stuff I did in Tennessee and country songs I listened to while there.

Anyway, enjoy!

"You got everything?" Jay asked you at six in the morning.

"For the last damn time, Jay, yes, I have everything," you answered as you jumped in the passenger seat of his truck and put your backpack at your feet and your tumbler of coffee in a cup holder.

"Jesus. I was just asking because I will not be turning this truck around," he said as he moved around the basket of snacks in the backseat so that the two of you could reach them easier. "Someone's cranky."

"Yes. When I finally got to sleep at 12:30 last night and had to wake up at 4:30, I'm gonna be cranky. Please tell me we're stopping for coffee."

"You already have coffee," Will said as he walked up to the truck. "Why do you need more?"

"Shut up. I know for a fact you drink way more coffee than I do, Mr. Med Student."

"Jesus, Jay. You sure you're gonna be able to put up with her for eight and a half hours?" Will asked.

"I dunno, man. Maybe I'll make her ride with you," he joked.

"Yeah, no way in hell that's happening," Will said.

"In all seriousness," Jay started, "stop for coffee in about an hour and a half?"

"Sounds good to me," you agreed.

"Same here. I only have to ditch you guys when we get like eight hours in," Will said.

"Gonna be weird not having you on the drive down, man," Jay mused.

"Yeah, but at least we can meet up at the rest stops and we'll  be in the same state."

"Are we gonna go?" you asked. "If you two were just gonna talk, I could've slept for an extra ten minutes."

"Holy shit," Jay muttered. He turned to Will. "Guess we should get going then."

"Yeah, see you in an hour and a half. Don't piss off the driver too much, Y/N."

You rolled your eyes. "Goodbye, Will."

Will got in his car and Jay got in the driver's side of his truck.

"Eight and a half hour drive plus traffic," Jay started as you both pulled out of the driveway, "so how do want to split it up?"

"I'm tired and I wanna sleep and I don't want to drive through Knoxville because I have no idea where to go," you answered as you pulled your headphones out of your backpack.

"Okay, Miss Sassy Pants. You can drive in the middle, through Kentucky. Might hit traffic, but we'll hit traffic in Tennessee, too, so we'll both have to drive through it. Just please, do not crash my truck."

"Relax. I know how to drive. Just make sure Will stays on your ass the entire time so we don't lose each other."

***

"And, we're officially in Kentucky!" Jay announced. "Time to change the music. At the next rest stop, we'll pull over and go to the bathroom and grab some lunch."

"Jay! You can't be on your phone while you're driving!" you yelled as he reached for his phone in the cup holder, which was also acting as the GPS...even though Jay claimed he could get there without it.

"Y/N, I'm fine. I've done this for three years now. I think I know what I'm doing."

"If you say so."

He turned on a song you didn't know.

"Got a truck, get it lifted," Jay started to sing.

"The hell is this?" you asked.

"Country music. Gets changed from pop to country the second we cross the border into Kentucky. Now, shh. This is a good song. You'll like it. It's upbeat."

Jay drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and sang quietly to Redneck Be Like by Thomas Rhett as he drove while you listened. He was right. It was a pretty good song.

"All day in the sun, always havin' fun, always gettin' stuck in that muddy river. Always got a buzz, always double cup..."

"You'll know the next one," Jay promised.

"And you know this how?" you asked.

"Because it's on Tiktok. When we get there, Adam and Hailey are gonna have to teach you some southern culture."

"So, I'm gonna need a definition of southern culture."

"You'll see when you get there. Now listen. I know you know this part."

Yeah we fancy like Applebee's...

Jay was right: you did know this song. It was Fancy Like by Walker Hayes.

"On a date night," you sang along. "Got that Bourbon street steak..." Jay joined in. "With the Oreo shake. Get some whipped cream on the top, too. Two straws, one check, girl I got you. Yeah we Bougie like Natty in the styrofoam..."

Five minutes later, you pulled off to a rest stop with a McDonald's nearby. Jay and Will filled up their vehicles while you ran inside to go to the bathroom. Once you were inside McDonald's and at a table eating, you asked Will if it was true that he and Jay always changed it to country music when they crossed the border into Kentucky. Will said yes, so you knew you were in for a long car ride. Then, you and Jay switched so that you were now the one driving and you were off again.

***

Hours later, Will took a different exit to get to Nashville and gave you and Jay a salute to tell you goodbye when he changed lanes and then took the exit.

"Not long now," Jay told you. "You excited?"

"Yeah, but a little nervous," you replied.

"Oh, don't be nervous. They're all really nice. And you've already met Hailey, so that helps."

"Yeah, she was nice. She had a cute little southern accent, too."

"One of the many reasons I fell in love with her in the first place."

Before Jay left for a weekend last summer to meet Hailey halfway and then stay in a hotel for a weekend to spend time with her, he finally told you the story of how he and Hailey met.

"Hey, we're goin' to the marketplace," Adam said on the first weekend of their junior year. "You and Will up for it?"

"Uh, Will's studying like normal. I'm up for it. Kim coming, too?" Jay asked.

"I promised her ice cream, so yeah, she's comin'. Baby, you ready?" he yelled down the hall.

"I'm coming, Adam!" Kim yelled back and then walked out of the bathroom.

"Let's go and make some bad decisions," Adam stated, causing Jay and Kim to laugh.

"We can't even buy alcohol yet, you dummy," Kim said.

"I may be a dummy, but you love me." Then, Adam gave Kim a kiss on the cheek.

"Please stop before I puke," Jay said and made a gagging face.

Adam rolled his eyes. "Let's get outta here."

***

Kim was laughing at a horrible joke Adam made while he had his arm slung around him. He had taken off his signature cowboy hat and had let Kim wear it because she forgot her sunglasses. Adam said he felt naked without it on.

They were walking towards Kilwin's when Jay spotted it: a homeless guy next to a blonde who couldn't be more than college age.

"Man, look," Jay pointed.

The three walked faster.

"No, this is for my friend back at the dorm," the girl explained.

"Lady, I'm hungry. Can I please just have your leftovers?" the guy asked.

"I'm sorry you're hungry, but this is for my friend."

The guy reached for the food.

"Hey, that girl sits behind me in my women and the law class," Kim stated.

Jay, Adam, and Kim took off on a run.

"Hey, baby," Jay said and slung an arm around the girl. He leaned in close to her. "Just go with it," he whispered in her ear. "You got Anna's food?"

"Yeah," the girl said hesitantly. But then, she realized that this guy was trying to help her out. And, he was pretty sure that the girl with him sat in front of her in her women and the law class. "Yeah, I've got her food."

Jay raised an eyebrow at the guy and then looked at Adam as if asking the man to try the two of them.

"Alright, well y'all have a good night now," he said and then turned around and walked away.

Once the man was a few shops down, Jay took his arm off of her. "Sorry about that. Just thought you might need some help," he said.

"Was greatly appreciated, thank you, uh..."

"Jay."

"Jay, well I'm Hailey. Nice to meet you."

He didn't miss her cute little southern accent and he loved it.

"You getting ice cream?" he asked.

"No, I uh was just textin' my roommate to tell her I'd be back soon."

"Well, I-- we'd feel much better if you came into Kilwin's with us. Just so that creeper doesn't come back."

Hailey smiled and agreed.

Kim and Hailey started talking about their class while Adam and Jay ordered their ice cream. Then Kim ordered.

"You want anything, Hailey?" Jay asked.

"Oh no, I'm fine, thank you, though."

Jay nodded, but then turned to the worker. "And can I also get a single scoop of chocolate in a waffle cone, please?"

"Sure thing." As she scooped it out, Hailey looked at Jay and he just shrugged.

When they got to the cashier, Hailey pulled out some money and tried to hand it to Jay.

"I've got it," he said.

"But--"

"Hailey, it's fine. I can pay for a little ice cream."

She loved the way her name rolled off his tongue.

"Okay." She took her ice cream cone.

"Hey, Hailey," Kim began when they walked out of Kilwin's. "Do you have friends you need to meet up with?"

"No, I was just gonna head back to my dorm," she replied.

"Oh, did you drive?"

"No, I walked. It's only like a twenty-minute walk from the sophomore dorms."

"Well, after all that, I'm pretty sure we'd all feel more comfortable if you rode home with us."

"I don't know..." Hailey trailed off.

"Those dorms are only like five minutes away from the house we stay at. And, it's on our way there anyway. Please, just come with us."

Hailey sighed. It would be a lot faster than walking. "Okay."

Then, they finished their walk to Adam's truck and the two girls got in the backseat and the two boys got in the front.

And that is how Jay Halstead met the sweet Georgia peach that is Hailey Anne Upton.

***

Jay, Adam, Will, Kim, and Hailey were all at a sports bar one Saturday night in October. It was loud, it was rowdy, everyone was going crazy over the football game on tv, and Hailey was totally over it. And Jay noticed.

"Hey," Jay whispered from his seat next to her. "You wanna get outta here?"

She turned and raised an eyebrow at him. "You'd wanna leave and not finish the game?"

In the past two months, Hailey had been spending a lot of time with Kim, and by default, she had been spending a lot of time with Adam, Jay, and Will. She will admit going over to their three-bedroom house they all rented together was a lot better than being stuck in her small dorm with her roommate. So, she went over there quite a bit to study with Kim. And, turns out she and Jay were both law studies majors, so they had a lot of the same classes, but they were in different sections, so they did a lot of studying together, too. And, she knew like most college boys, Jay loved his football. Not as much as Adam, but he watched it whenever one of his teams were playing. Which, was Chicago or Tennessee.

"Yeah," Jay started, "it's kinda loud in here anyway. And, it's just Tennessee playing. I'd be more likely to stay if the Bears were playing."

"Okay, let's get outta here. I know a great little diner we can go to for milkshakes. Pretty sure they're open until 11 and it's only 10, so we should be able to make it."

"Adam," Jay said over the game. Adam turned to face Jay. "Me and Hailey are gonna get out of here. I'll see you back at home."

"See you," Adam said and then turned back to his game.

"Guess we know where his loyalties lie," Hailey laughed.

The two of them stood up from their chairs at the table.

"You better get my friend home safe, Halstead!" Kim yelled.

"Yes ma'am," he said, borrowing a line from Adam. "You've got nothing to worry about."

Then, the two of them made their way out of the local sports bar and to Jay's truck.

***

"You've gotta be kiddin' me," Hailey said as the two of them walked up to the diner. "They're closed. Closed at 10 and not at 11. I'm really sorry, Jay."

"That's okay. Got anywhere else you wanna go? Or I can just take you back to your dorm if you want?" Jay suggested.

She sighed. "Just take me back I guess."

The two of them walked back to Jay's truck and got in. Hailey gasped at the song that was on the radio.

"What?" Jay asked, quickly turning to look at Hailey.

"This is my favorite song!"

Lights go down, wheels go around. I'm taking you home. Hoping for a slow song to come on the radio now.

Slow Dance in a Parking Lot by Jordan Davis continued to play through the speakers of Jay's truck.

"What's it about?" Jay asked.

"Slow dancing in a parking lot."

Jay listened to a few more lines and then decided to turn up the radio and jump out of the car.

"Jay, what are you--"

But he was already at her side of the car and pulled her door open.

"Dance with me?" he asked, sticking his hand out for her to take.

"What?" she laughed as a huge smile grew on her face.

"You said the song's about slow dancing in a parking lot and we're in an empty parking lot, so, why not recreate the song?"

Hailey laughed once more and shook her head and then grabbed Jay's hand. He helped her out of his truck and then she wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist and they swayed to the music.

"Slow dance with you. Spinning you round by the Walmart sign and moving our feet over the painted white lines. Getting close to you. Making the most of whatever we got, even if it's just slow dance in a parking lot," Hailey sang quietly.

"Spin," Jay said as he held his hand up.

"What?"

"Spinning you round just like the song says."

Hailey laughed and reached for his hand and did a spin.

"Beautiful," Jay complimented.

"Yeah, right. That's was probably the messiest spin known to man."

"Well, um, it was beautiful. You're beautiful, Hailey."

She was glad it was dark so that Jay couldn't see the heat that rose to her cheeks.

"You're somethin' else, but thank you." She rested her head on his chest as they swayed to the rhythm of the rest of the song.

The song ended and the broadcaster started talking.

"Can I kiss you?" Jay asked.

"What?" she pulled away from his chest.

"I asked if I could kiss you. Was that too much? You know what, just forget--"

"Yes, Jay, kiss me," Hailey smiled and then she and Jay both leaned in.

It was just a peck, but it was their first kiss and despite it being in a dark parking lot late at night, it was still magical.

"You know," Jay began once the quick kiss was over, "there's a Walmart across the street. What do you say we go grab pints of ice cream from there and then you can show me your favorite country songs?"

"I'd like that. Adam didn't show you enough?" she asked.

"I've only got like thirty I like. I need to expand my horizons."

"Okay, let's go."

They held hands in Walmart and then picked out their respective pints of ice cream. Then, they went back to the parking lot of the closed diner and Jay plugged in the aux, allowing Hailey to show him her favorite country songs while they ate their ice cream from the pint and even shared with each other.

Hailey knew nobody would have a first kiss story like that.

Then, at the beginning of the winter semester, Hailey's roommate decided not to live in the dorms anymore. Hailey couldn't afford to pay for a dorm all by herself, so Kim offered to let her stay with her, Jay, Adam, and Will. So, that's how she ended up living with her boyfriend and sharing a room with her best friend, Kim Burgess.

"We're here," Jay announced. "Well, actually, we're a few streets away, but that's one of the lecture halls on your right."

You looked out the window to see a big red and brown brick building with white pillars on the steps. There was also a white sign telling you what building this was.

"Wow," you said in awe. "It's like those old-fashioned colleges. I love it."

"Well, we'll give you a tour and help you find your classes sometime this weekend before classes start on Tuesday. That way, you aren't getting lost on the first day. But, we'll head to the house for now and get all unpacked."

"Sounds good to me."

Five minutes and a few back roads later, you pulled up to a simple two-story brick house.

"Alright, let's get our stuff out and get inside," Jay said.

You stepped out of the truck and started grabbing some stuff out of the back seat.

"I'll jump in the truck and hand you the suitcases. Think you can grab them when I hand them to you?"

You nodded.

"Halstead!" you heard someone shout and you and Jay both whipped your heads around to see Hailey and Adam walking out of the garage and toward the two of you. Adam, well who you assumed was Adam, was carrying two cowboy hats and he and Hailey each had one on themselves.

"Catch!" Adam said and threw one to Jay where he was standing in the box of the truck. Jay easily caught it and placed it on his head.

Adam walked over to you.  "And one for you, darlin'," he said as he placed the hat on your head.

"Thank you," you said. "But I thought Kim was darlin'," you said. It'd make sense because if this guy was in fact Adam, then he and Kim were dating.

"You didn't tell her?" Hailey asked Jay.

"Didn't think there'd be a need to." Jay shrugged.

"Tell me what?" you asked.

"Well, Adam calls every girl darlin'," Jay explained. "It's just normal for him. And, down here, you're gonna get a lot of huns, sweeties, and sweethearts. A lot of waiters and waitresses do that here."

"And what do they call you two?" you asked, motioning to Jay and Adam.

"Sir," they said in unison.

"Oh, and you'll occasionally get a ma'am," Hailey added. "But, that one's rare because we don't look old enough to be called ma'am."

"Okay. And, uh, not to be rude, but what's with the cowboy hats?" you asked.

"It's a tradition we just started last year," Adam explained. "We unpack, wear cowboy hats, and drink moonshine. Oh, I'm Adam by the way, darlin'."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N."

Jay handed you a suitcase and you set it on the ground. Then, you did the same thing with two more suitcases.

You grabbed your backpack from the front seat, your duffle bag from the back, and your two suitcases.

"Here, I can take those two for you," Adam said.

"Oh, okay," you said and then allowed him to take the two suitcases from you. So this is what Jay meant by southern hospitality since Adam was from Tennessee and all.

"Jay, lemme take your suitcase," Hailey said.

"Baby, I've got it," Jay argued as he jumped out of the box of his truck and closed the tailgate.

"The hell you do," she argued. "I see all your other stuff in the backseat and that basket of snacks you gotta carry in, too. Just lemme take your one suitcase."

"Let 'er take the suitcase, Halstead. Best to listen to your lady," Adam said.

"I like Adam already," you laughed.

He let go of one of the suitcases and tipped his hat. "Thank you, darlin'."

This caused all four of you to laugh and then you all went inside carrying both yours and Jay's stuff in one trip between the four of you.

***

"Shine in the fridge?" Jay asked after you and he had brought all your stuff to your room.

"Shine, Jay? How southern do you get when you're here?" you asked.

"Oh, he gets pretty southern, hun," Hailey said.

"See?" Jay asked as he pointed to Hailey. "Told you you'd get called hun."

"So, Adam's thing is darlin' and Hailey's is hun?" Hailey nodded. "And it's because you're from Georgia and he's from Tennessee?"

"That's right, darlin'," Adam confirmed and then turned back to Jay. "Yeah, shine's in the fridge. And Kim just texted and said she's on the way back with pizza."

"You got apple pie flavored shine?" Jay asked.

"Hang on. I'm just gonna grab 'em."

The three of you sat down on the bar stools at the counter and waited for Adam to pull them out.

"Alright," Adam started after he put the bottles of moonshine with sip lids on the counter. "We have peach for Miss Georgia Peach." He passed the peach bottle of moonshine to Hailey. "We've got apple pie shine for me and Jay. We've got strawberries and creme for Kim because that's her favorite." He turned to you. "And for you, I got you blackberry because it's not that high of a proof, so it's not that strong." He slid the jar to you.

"Nuh uh," Jay said quickly and grabbed the bottle.

"What the hell, Jay? Give it back! Adam said it's for me, not you!" you argued.

"Last I checked, you're only eighteen."

"Last I checked, Dad's not here. And I know for a fact you drank before you were 21, so pass me the blackberry shine, please."

"I'll take the first sip and then you can have it." He made sure the straw part was open and then he took a sip. "Adam, that shit's like a chaser compared to the apple pie one."

"I know. That's why I got 'er that one," Adam said.

You heard a door shut.

"Pizza's here!" Kim announced.

She walked into the kitchen with three boxes of pizza.

"I got us three pies," she said as she set them down on the counter. "We got one pepperoni and green olive, one supreme, and one meat lovers." She turned to you. "And you must be Y/N. I'm Kim. I see Adam already got you started on that Tennessee moonshine."

"Nice to meet you," you said. "You're from New York, right?"

"Yup, not New York City, though. More upstate."

"Of course she's from New York, Y/N!" Jay exclaimed. "Who else would call pizza a pie except for a true New Yorker?"

"I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks, Jay."

Jay raised his bottle of apple pie moonshine in a fake cheers and then took a sip.

"Now that's the strong shit I need to start off this semester right," he announced and then set the bottle down.

"Oh, and if your brother didn't tell you yet, he turns into a borderline alcoholic when he's at school," Kim told you.

You laughed. "He didn't tell me that, no."

"Better than being a caffeine addict like Kim and Hailey here," Jay argued.

"Shut up," Hailey said. "You know you're a caffeine addict during finals week just the rest of us."

"I was a caffeine addict in high school, so we'll see what happens," you shrugged.

Kim grabbed a stack of paper plates and set them on one of the pizza boxes. "Dig in. Oh, Y/N, did Adam get you the blackberry flavored moonshine?"

"He did. Haven't tried it yet because Jay has yet to give it back to me."

Kim quickly reached down and grabbed the jar of moonshine.

"Hey, Kim! She's only 18!" Jay protested.

"So? I know you drank an insane amount during your freshman year. So shut it." Kim popped open the sipping lid. "Taste."

You took a sip. It did taste like blackberry, but it was also sort of strong, but it didn't burn your throat that bad like you had read in books that alcohol did.

"This is actually pretty good."

"I know, right? And, me and Hailey will let you try ours when we help you unpack," Kim said. "But, do not try the kind the boys have because it's nasty."

"Baby, I don't know what you have against apple pie moonshine, but it's good," Adam said and then took a sip of his moonshine. Kim rolled her eyes. Adam leaned across the counter. "The New York in her is coming out, darlin'."

"Oh, shut up," Kim said and reached over to steal Adam's cowboy hat off his head.

"Baby, now I feel naked without it," Adam argued and tried to reach for the hat.

"Sucks for you. Now eat your pizza before it gets cold."

***

"Morning," Jay said when you walked into the kitchen the next morning. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good. it's nice not having to share a room with anyone like you and Adam, and then Hailey and Kim have to. It was fun having them help me unpack last night, though," you said.

Last night, Kim and Hailey had helped you unpack and when you mentioned that you didn't really know any country music, Hailey pulled up all of her favorite country songs to play for you. You especially liked Girl in a Country Song by Maddie and Tae. They showed you the music video for that song and it was about how, in most country music videos, girls had to dress up in little skimpy outfits and have the boys just stare at them all day. So, in their music video, they changed the roles, and the guys had to dress in skimpy clothing in the music video. It was pretty funny and the song was catchy.

"Let me guess," Jay began, "Hailey showed you some good country music?"

"Yup. The songs she showed me were pretty good, pretty upbeat. Didn't sound like a cat being put in a blender like old-fashioned country, so I guess that's good."

"What do you have against old-fashioned country, darlin'?" Adam asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"I dunno." You shrugged. "Too slow for me and I just don't like the voices I guess."

"You know what we ought to do, Jay?" Adam asked and Jay raised his eyebrows, silently telling adam to continue. "We should show her all the songs that are mentioned in What's Your Country Song."

"Wait, wait. I think I know that one. I think Hailey played it for me last night. Is it the one that mentions Chatta- Chatta..."

"Chattahoochee?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, that funny word. What even is that anyway?"

"It's a river that runs through Georgia," Jay answered. "Pretty sure Hailey used to go tubing down it like we're gonna do today."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "We're going tubing? Like behind a boat?"

Adam laughed. "Christ, Jay! Do you tell her anything?"

"He doesn't," you answered. "So, explain, one of you."

"Alright, I'll do it," Jay said as he poured milk on top of a bowl of Raisin Bran. You looked at him intently. "What we do is, the first Saturday that we're all together before school starts, we go on tubes and float down the Tennessee River. We bring a cooler full of snacks, sandwiches, booze, and water, and a waterproof speaker and we just have a fun time. Oh, and this year, you're the DD."

"Me?" you asked as you pointed to yourself. Jay nodded. "But I don't know where to go! I haven't even been in Tennessee for a full 24 hours yet!"

"Kim's like the mom of the group," Adam supplied. "So she'll still be pretty lucid and could probably drive if she needs to. But, she'll at least be able to give you directions on how to get back here."

You sighed. "Good. That makes me feel a lot better."

"Where are the other two girls anyway?" Adam asked. "They're usually up a lot earlier than we are when we go on the river."

"I think they were a little buzzed last night," you said. "Might still be sleeping."

While you were unpacking, you took a few sips of your jar of blackberry moonshine, but not a lot. You'd never really drank before, much less drank moonshine and you didn't really feel like puking from being drunk or having a killer headache from a hangover...at least, that's what you thought happened from what you had read in books and seen in movies and tv shows. But, Kim and Hailey had each finished like a quarter of their jar, so they had been buzzed last night. They weren't drunk because they could still walk in a straight line and knew what they were talking about, but they did have little dopey smiles on their faces while they helped you unpack.

"She's right," Kim said as she and Hailey walked into the kitchen. Hailey's hair was wrapped in a towel, alerting you that she had just taken a shower. "Adam, can you grab me an Advil?" She took a seat on a stool and put her head in her hands. "My head is fucking killing me. I didn't even think I drank that much."

Adam laughed. "You do this every semester, baby. First shine of the year and you always drink a little too much." He handed her the pills and a cup of water and Kim quickly washed the pills down.

"I just need some coffee," Hailey announced.

"We know, you don't get hangover headaches," Kim groaned.

"Yeah, but I feel exhausted all day. Everyone goin' for coffee? I'll make a bigger pot if that's the case."

Everyone said yes and Hailey started on the coffee.

***

"Okay, we got the tubes, the speaker, swimsuits are on, we have the towels, cooler," Jay rattled off as the five of you sat in his truck. "Anyone double-check the cooler?"

"I did," Hailey said. "We got water, the same shine from last night, some white claws, the sandwiches me and Kim made for everyone, chips, and a few other snacks."

"And I threw in a little first aid kit with bandaids, alcohol swabs, Neosporin, and other stuff. And I've got the sunscreen, too," Kim said.

"See, what'd I tell you, darlin'?" Adam asked as he turned around from his spot in the passenger seat. "Kim's the mom of the group."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Kim said. "It means I'm responsible and prepared."

"Those two would get so damn sunburned and dehydrated if it weren't for Kim," Hailey said as she pointed to Jay and Adam in the two front seats.

"Thanks, Hails," Jay replied sarcastically. "Real nice."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile.

You leaned your head against the window. You were supposed to get stuck in the middle, but seeing as you got car sick easily, Kim said she'd switch spots with you.

"You okay?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, just, Jay really needs to turn on the AC before I throw up from motion sickness and how damn hot it is in here."

"Least you got that cowboy hat to puke in if you need to," Jay laughed as he reached for the AC. "You better not puke in my tuck or you will be walking home."

Adam smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" Jay exclaimed and took one hand off the wheel and rubbed the back of his head. "The hell was that for?"

"Dude, be nice! Look at her!" Adam exclaimed.

Jay looked in the rearview mirror and saw you leaning your head against the window with your eyes closed and pinching your nose. You groaned.

"Here," Jay said and tossed you a blue bottle of Gatorade from his cup holder. "Drink this. Get you some hydration and electrolytes."

You took a few sips and then handed the bottle back to him. "Thanks."

"Mhm."

Kim moved the vents so that the AC was blowing on you more. "That help?"

"Little bit, thanks."

"Think you'll be good to go down the river?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, because then I won't be trapped in a hot box going sixty down the road!"

"She's right about that," Adam agreed. "You'll be lucky if you go five miles per hour, darlin'."

"Alright, so the motion sickness should stop. Thank God."

"Just rest your head against the window and listen to some country music," Jay said. "Speaking of that, who's controlling the music on the river?"

"I got it," Adam volunteered. "Everyone give me a song and I'll get the queue started."

***

You had been going down the river for about half an hour now and had finished a bottle of water and eaten a banana, too. You felt fine now. Adam was right, you were going slow enough that you didn't get sick, and you also weren't in the backseat of a truck.

"Hey, Kim," you started, "can you pass me my moonshine?"

"Mhm," she said. You guys had tied a cooler to a tube, which was then tied to Kim's tube. Because, the boys figured that between the five of you, she was the most responsible. They toyed with tying it to your tube because you probably wouldn't get shitfaced (like the boys most likely would) since you were underage, but you had never gone tubing down the Tennessee River before, so they decided on Kim. "Here, Hailey, hold my white claw."

She passed Hailey her drink and then maneuvered the cooler towards her, opened it, and handed you your moonshine.

"Thank you," you said and popped open the sip lid and took a sip. "Ahhh."

"Hey, drink it slow," Adam warned, turning towards you and practically yelling over the music. He and Jay were in front of the three of you girls so they could tell you if there were a ton of rocks coming or if it was super shallow coming up. "Heat makes getting drunk a lot easier because you keep drinking it because you're so thirsty."

"I don't think that's how it works, man, but whatever you say," Jay laughed.

Another song started.

"Hey!" you yelled. "I know this song!"

"Yeah, because it's old as hell," Jay laughed.

"Shut up! I like it!"

Baby you a song you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise. Down a back road, blowin' stop signs through the middle every little farm town with you.

"And this brand new Chevy with a lift kit, would look a hell of a lot better with you up in it. Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise," the five of you sang Cruise by Florida Georgia Line while holding your drinks in pure happiness.

Because of this, you didn't notice Jay drifting off to the side toward the trees.

Jay let out a sinister laugh as he got closer. "C'mere, buddy, c'mere." The black snake stuck his tongue out and hissed. "Yeah, I know, you wanna scare Y/N, too." Jay held his hand out toward the snake. "I'm nice, I promise." The snake slithered and went up on Jay's hand and started up his arm. He turned once most of the snake was on him. He started using his other hand to paddle himself back toward the group. "Y/N!"

You turned and looked at him. You saw the snake on his arm and tears pricked your eyes. "No! No!" you shouted.

Snakes were your biggest fear and knowing that they were in the river that you were in right now was absolutely terrifying to you. And, with each paddle, Jay and the snake were coming closer and closer to you.

"Jay, please, please!"

Adam turned and looked at Jay and then back to you. "She scared of snakes?" You quickly nodded as tears ran down your face. "Jay! Stop! She's terrified!"

Jay laughed. "No!"

He was coming closer and closer to you.

Adam quickly paddled over to you and went in front of you. "I won't let it go near you, darlin', don't you worry."

"Uh huh," you said and grabbed onto Adam's arm in complete and utter terror.

Unknown to Jay, Hailey was making her way to him. But, she was behind him, so Jay couldn't see his girlfriend coming up behind him with her empty bottle of white claw raised high in the air.

He felt it before he heard her.

"Don't." Smack on the head with the empty can. "You." Another smack on the head with the empty can. "Do." Another smack on the head with the empty can. "That." Last smack on the head with the empty can.

"Ow!" Jay yelled. "Hails, stop!"

"Put the fuckin' snake back and stop scarin' the daylights outta your little sister or I will keep smackin' you, Jay!" Hailey told him.

"Fine, I'll put it back," he groaned.

"Hailey, keep that can raised above his head. If he tries to come back here, hit 'im again!" Adam yelled.

"You got it!" Hailey said. "Hear that baby? Your head is gonna come in contact with this 'ere empty white claw can again if you don't get a move on."

"I'm going, I'm going," Jay grumbled.

"Good, then you won't get smacked again."

"Just for all that," Adam started, "you wanna pick the next song, darlin'?"

"Can you play Better Dig Two by The Band Perry?" you asked. "That counts as country right?"

"Sure does, darlin'." He started messing with his phone. "Comin' right up."

"I told you on the day we wed, I was gonna love you 'til I's dead," you started to sing. "Made you wait 'til our weddin' night, that's the first and the last time I wear white."

"Snake's gone! Made sure he put it down and I even watched it slither away!" Hailey announced. "Put me in the ground, put me six foot down," Hailey joined in after she had finished yelling over part of the first verse.

"And, as for you, Jay," Adam started over the music and all of you singing. "You don't get to pick a song for the next hour."

"Son of a bitch," Jay muttered.

"Hey, you brought this one on yourself, buddy. So just sit back, relax, listen to our music choices, and enjoy your shine."

***

One week later

"And we're here!" Adam announced as the five of you pulled onto a long dirt driveway. "You ready to ride some horses, Y/N?"

"I dunno," you said. "I've never ridden a horse before."

"Oh, Adam'll make sure you're super safe," Kim reassured you.

"Okay, so whatever horse I ride won't buck me off?"

"Oh no," Adam said quickly, "we'll put Jay on Buck."

"Like hell you will!" Jay argued from the backseat.

Despite the studying the five of you had to do, you were at Adam's childhood home. Adam's parents had rented a cabin in North Carolina for the weekend since it was Labor Day weekend and needed someone to watch the five horses they owned.

His parents used to own a riding place with multiple horses, but since their kids got older, they stopped doing it because they were getting older and couldn't give the tours anymore. So, they sold most of their horses, left five so that their kids could ride them with their friends, but still kept the house and the land. Whenever Adam's parents went out of town, either he or his sister would come and stay over at their childhood home and take care of the horses. Seeing as his sister was married and just gave birth to a daughter, this left Adam. And, luckily for him, his parents were fine with some friends coming over to help Adam out.

"Relax, man," Adam began, "I'll ride Buck."

"Wait, is he called Buck because he bucks people off?" you asked.

"You would be completely right, darlin'. Which, would be the reason I'm riding him and neither of you four will be doing that."

Adam put the truck in park and you got out of the passenger seat. Yes, you had ridden in the front because Adam said you could because of your motion sickness. Jay wasn't too happy, but it was Adam's car, so therefore it was Adam's rules.

You got inside the house and it had two extra bedrooms, one of which was Adam's childhood room and had an extra twin bed in it for when his friends wanted to sleepover (Because, in Adam's words, it was only girls who shared beds at sleepovers and he said guys didn't do that, so that's why there was the extra bed). In his older sister's childhood room, there was a full-sized bed, so Hailey and Kim would share the bed and the boys said they'd move a couch into that same room for you to sleep on.

Adam opened the fridge once all of you had put your stuff in the rooms that would be yours for the weekend. "Ooooh, y'all, my mama left us some food!"

"Oh, he southern southern now," Kim laughed and walked over to the fridge. "What'd she make?"

"Let's see. We got fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cornbread, gravy, biscuits, grits, tater salad, peaches that she canned herself, and apple pie. She must really miss me if she cooked this much!" Adam laughed after he rattled off the food his mom made for all of you.

"Mama's cookin', paper plate, and tater tater salad," you said, quoting a song Jay had played on the way down here that you had taken a liking to and had added it to a playlist and been listening to it a lot the past week.

"Did you just..." Adam trailed off.

"She did!" Jay exclaimed.

"Is it that hard to believe that I know more than two country songs, y'all?" you asked.

All four of them gasped.

"She's southern! She's southern, y'all!" Hailey yelled.

"What?" you asked as you looked around at your brother, his girlfriend, and his two friends in confusion.

"That was yer first y'all, hun!" Hailey told you and pulled you into a hug. "Yer a regular southern belle now."

"Next thing you know, girl's gonna be fallin' for cowboys," Adam said.

"Aw, hell nah," Jay said. "Ain't no way she's datin' a cowboy. No way."

"Shit, Jay just went southern southern, too," Adam laughed.

"What can I say, when my girl goes hella Georgia, I go hella Tennessee," Jay said.

"That made zero sense, baby, but okay," Hailey said. She turned to Adam. "When we ridin'?"

"We can go right now if you want. Everyone good with that?"

You all nodded and then Adam told all of you to put on your cowboy hats.

***

"This 'ere's Maddy," Adam said before he helped you onto the horse. You put your feet in the stirrups. "They feel good? You can reach 'em well?" he asked.

"Yeah," you told him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, darlin'." He turned to Jay, Hailey, and Kim. "You three remember how to get on the horses since we rode so much last year?"

"We're good," Jay said.

"Hey, baby?" Hailey asked and turned to Jay. He turned to look at her. "You think you can help me on 'im? Pretty sure Diablo's gotten a lot bigger since I rode 'im last."

"Yeah, sweetheart, I got that."

"Did he just..." you trailed off and looked at Kim.

"He did," she confirmed. "She turns into sweetheart around this time every year. Jay gets really southern after only being here a week. Might also have something to do with Adam calling me sweetheart sometimes and he just picks up on it."

Jay helped Hailey onto the huge horse named Diablo and then got on his horse. You were riding Maddy, Adam was riding Buck, Jay was riding Sinbad, Hailey was riding Diablo, and Kim was riding Atta'Boy.

"All y'all need to watch me now," Adam announced from the front. All four of you gave Adam all your attention. "Well, mostly Y/N because she's never ridden before." He paused. "To make your horse stop, just give the reins a little tug. To turn, hold the reins on your right side, and pull towards your right hip, like this." He demonstrated and pulled the reins like he told you and Buck's head turned to the right. "And turn left, do the same thing on the left side. To make them go, just flick the reins a little bit, but they're pretty well-trained, so you shouldn't need to do that. But, if they still won't go, give 'em a little kick. I promise you won't hurt 'em. But, most of all, keep at least one hand on the reins at all times. Oh, and they will try to eat on the trails, but they ain't supposed to, so try and get them to stop by pulling up on the reins if you can.

"Any questions? Everyone sure their stirrups and saddles are good?" Adam finished.

Everyone answered with a chorus of "yeses" and then the five of you were off...that was until Maddy decided she was hungry about a quarter-mile (400 meters) in.

And, to make matters worse, you were in the mountains (because everyone is in the mountains here) and Maddy was bringing you closer and closer to a small ravine.

You did not want to have the experience of trying to control your horse and deciding whether or not to jump off or not and possibly being rushed to the hospital.

"Maddy!" you yelled and tugged up on the reins. Nothing. "Maddy!"

"Pull hard!" Jay yelled from behind you.

"I am pulling, Jay!" you yelled back. "Come on, Maddy!"

Shit, she was still moving towards the edge and trying to eat more.

"Pull to the left!" Jay yelled. You pulled. Nothing. "All the way around! To your left hip!"

You did so and she moved. Finally.

"Now straighten out the reins," Jay told you. You did. "And give her a kick to move."

You did and she continued walking...this time with a huge branch and leaves hanging out of her mouth because she had gotten herself a nice little snack.

"What's with all the yellin'?" Adam asked as he turned his head around and had Buck slow down a little bit. Then, he saw Maddy. "Maddy stop to eat? She acts likes she's starvin', but I promise you she's not."

You kept going and then you started going down a hill.

"Lean forward when going down a hill," Adam yelled back to all of you, "and lean back when going up a hill."

You started going down the hill and kept trying to maneuver yourself so you were in the middle of the saddle. You felt like you were leaning too much to the right, so you kept trying to fix it, but with Maddy still walking, it was kind of hard.

You clenched your stomach muscles to try and pull yourself back to center, but it wasn't working. You tried to push up with your left foot because you were leaning to the right, but that wouldn't work either.

"Just hold on tight, Y/N," Jay told you. "Adam!" Jay yelled as you kept leaning to the right and pulled the reins a little harder to make sure that Maddy would stop.

"What?" Adam yelled back.

"We need a little help back here!"

Adam turned Buck around and he got halfway to you and stopped next to Hailey and Diablo.

"She's fallin' off, you big dummy! You gotta go!" Adam yelled. He flicked his reins. "C'mon, go!"

It was like Buck knew what was going on because the minute he lifted his head up and saw you trying to stay in the saddle, he started coming towards you.

"Buck, stay," Adam said sternly and jumped off him. He walked to your right side. "Now, I'm gonna push your saddle to the left and I need you to lean the same way, okay?"

"Lean to the left?" you asked.

"Yup," he confirmed. "One...two...three."

He pushed up and you leaned to the left, which allowed the saddle and you to be re-centered.

"Can you reach the stirrups okay, darlin'?" he asked. "Or do you need 'em a bit higher?"

"I think I need them a bit higher," you answered. "I thought they were fine, but I guess not."

"That's okay. That's what I'm here for. Take your right foot out."

You did as he said and then he adjusted the stirrups and helped you get your foot back in. Then, he did the same for the left foot.

While Adam was adjusting your left stirrup, Maddy was curious about what was in his first aid bag that was attached to Buck's saddle.

"I ain't got no treats in there, you fatty." He put his hand on Maddy's head. "There's nothin' in there for you. Get out." She started chewing on a drawstring that was on the bag. "Okay, I guess you can chew on that."

"So, to get her to turn, do I just pull like this?" you asked and showed Adam.

"Yes, but put your hand further down the reins when you do that. Works better like that."

"Okay, thanks."

"And, if she keeps tryin' to eat, pull up hard--but not too hard and far that you make her walk backward--and if that doesn't work, give her a quick kick. I promise you won't hurt this little fatty right here."

"Okay, awesome."

"You good?"

"I'm good," you confirmed.

"Okay, so if you ever need to adjust yourself, just grab this 'ere saddle horn." He put his hand on the stub on the front of the saddle. "And put two hands on it...unlike me, and then just push down with your foot on which side you want the saddle to go. Pretty simple."

"Okay, got it," you said.

Then, Adam jumped back on Buck and you were off again.

***

You and Kim were sitting up on the bed in Adam's older sister's childhood room that you were staying in and watching a dumb comedy when Adam poked his head into the room.

"Both you up?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kim answered. "Why?"

"Well, I want to go to the rope swing, and Jay and Hailey both fell asleep spooning while watching some shitty movie in the living room, so do you two wanna go? I'm bringing alcohol."

"Adam, it's like 11 o'clock at night!" Kim laughed. "We won't even be able to see the water!"

"Honey," Adam laughed. "I'll leave the headlights of my truck on! I'm not that stupid to have us jump in blind!" He paused. "You two in?"

"Sure," Kim agreed and then turned to you. "Y/N?"

"Why the hell not? I'm in college, let's go!"

"Alright, I'll let you two get changed and I'll grab the towels and the booze," Adam said.

"Adam, if you're the one driving, you cannot drink a ton!" Kim told him.

"I know! I'll just take like two shots and use moonshine as a chaser."

"You got more moonshine?" you asked.

"Holy hell, Adam," Kim agreed.

"Where do you two think I was the past hour? I went into town and grabbed a few flavors. and, I got both your flavors, too. So, y'all can't yell at me. Now, get changed so we can go before Jay and Hailey wake up and decide they want in on this, too."

***

"You good to sit in the back, Miss Car Sick?" Adam asked you.

"Yeah, you said it's only like a five minute drive, so I'll be fine. Thanks for asking, though," you answered.

"No problem, darlin'."

Then, the three of you were off to this rope swing to jump into a river in the middle of the night.

Five minutes later, Adam threw his car in park and left the radio and headlights on. The three of you got out and Adam grabbed the booze and shot glasses and then you followed him around to the back of his truck. He handed the stuff off to you and Kim to hold while he flipped his tailgate down. Then, he used the flashlight app of his phone to see as he poured each of you a shot of gummy bear flavored vodka.

"Cheers to late night decisions and possibly bad decisions!" Adam toasted.

The three of you clinked your shot glasses together and then took the shots.

"Shit. That was strong," you coughed.

"Chaser, chaser," Adam said as he flipped open the sip cap on the blackberry moonshine.

He handed it to you and you took a few sips.

"Compared to that shot, this moonshine tastes like nothin'," you said.

"See? Told you it had a low proof!" Adam exclaimed. "Now, do you two want me to go first so I can show you how it's done?"

"That might be a good idea, yeah," Kim agreed. "You've only brought me here during the day and it's been over a year, so yeah, you go first, cowboy."

"Oh, that reminds me." He took his signature cowboy hat off. "Hold this for me, will you, sweetheart?" He held the hat out to Kim and she took it from him. "Thank you. Now, watch and learn, ladies, watch and learn."

Kim laughed. "Whatever you say, babe, whatever you say."

Adam walked up to the edge of the river and waded in the water to grab the rope. You and Kim stood on the edge of the river and watched as Adam dragged the rope with him as he stood on a rock, which was right below the tree that the rope was tied to. Then, he cinched the rope between his feet and jumped up and swung forward.

"Yeehaw!" Adam yelled.

Then, after a few seconds, he let go of the rope and fell into the river.

The rope dangled back and forth until Adam grabbed it and dragged it in with him.

"Who's next?" he asked as he held the rope out.

"You wanna go, Kim?" you asked.

"You sure you don't wanna go before me?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Go ahead," you said.

"You nervous, darlin'?" Adam asked you as he took his hat back from Kim and placed it on his head.

"A bit." You looked down at your feet. "Are there snakes in there?" you practically mumbled.

"Oh, darlin'," Adam said with a wave of his hand. "I can promise you that there's no snakes in there. You've never seen a snake in there have you, baby?" he asked Kim.

"Nope, no snakes. I promise. Now, I'll go, and then you gotta go because it's so much fun!"

Kim grabbed the rope and then made her way up onto the rock. She did the same thing that Adam did and soon it was your turn.

"I'm stealing your aux, babe," Kim said as she walked toward Adam's truck.

Adam raised an eyebrow. "I don't know why you can't just listen to the radio like we've been doing, but go ahead, baby."

Kim walked over to the truck and changed the input to aux and then quickly pulled up Spotify. From there, she pulled up the song Like A Lady by Lady A, formerly known as Lady Antebellum. She turned the volume all the way up on her phone, plugged it into the aux, and hit play.

"Lady!" came out of the speakers as well as the opening chords.

You gasped as Kim came running back to you and Adam.

"How'd you know this one of my favorite songs?" you asked.

Ever since Hailey had played it for you on your first night in Tennessee when you were unpacking and sippin' on moonshine, you loved this song. It was all about feeling like a lady while wearing jeans and drinking and being comfortable with yourself and not needing a man.

"Y/N, I follow you on Spotify. I can see what you listen to. Now, go get to it, lady!" Kim cheered.

You smiled and turned around. You walked to the rock and climbed up on it just before the chorus. You grabbed onto the rope.

"'Cause I feel like a lady," you sang loudly to the music. "Sippin' on tequila with my Levis on."

You clamped your feet around the rope and jumped.

You felt weightless for just about one second and then you let go of the rope and fell into the water with a splash.

The water wasn't freezing, it was a little cold, but it was still decently comfortable. You started swimming back to the shore and grabbed the rope when it swung back toward you.

"Hell yeah!" Adam yelled as he ran up to you and took the rope so you could pull yourself up onto the river bank. "You did awesome! Did you like it?"

"I loved it! Let's do it again!" you yelled.

"See?" Kim said. "I told you that you'd love it!"

"I propose a celebratory shot for Y/N's first time jumping off the rope swing!" Adam said and the three of you headed back to his truck to have more booze.

And that is how you learned that you didn't get hangover headaches like Kim, but got hella tired the next day just like Hailey. But, a little hangover (despite not being old enough to legally drink) was all worth it because of how much fun you, Kim, and Adam had.

***

Months later

"Welcome to Chocolate Moose, everybody!" Adam announced and fumbled with the lockbox to get the key.

Since it was exam season, there was a tradition that started during the winter semester of their sophomore year that was where they'd all go up to a cabin (each cabin had a name and yours was Chocolate Moose) in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, which was an hour away from school, to go study without the temptation of parties and the libraries that were packed as hell and barely had any seats open because everyone and their mama had decided to study there.

He unlocked the door and opened it.

You walked in and were in awe. When you walked in, you saw a small kitchen complete with a stove, oven, microwave, and pots, pans, plates, bowls, cups, mugs, and silverware stored in cabinets and drawers. There was also a small pantry to your right the minute you walked inside.

Off of the small kitchen were the living room and the dining area. There was a circular wooden table with six chairs and there was a tv and a couch that folded out into a bed. Right next to that was a bedroom with a bathroom, which also had its own tv in it.

And, if you walked to the end of the living room, there was a door that led to the first-floor deck that overlooked the Smoky Mountains. On the deck was a wooden table that matched the wood of the deck and six stools, so it would be a nice place to study or eat breakfast or sip coffee in the morning.

The stairs to go to the second floor were above the table (so the table was tucked beneath the second set of stairs). When you got up there, there was a pool table, a bubble hockey table, another couch that folded out into a bed, and a coffee table in front of said couch.

To the right of the couch and coffee table was a California king-sized bed with a trunk in front of it which held the bedding for the pull-out couches. Then, there was a dresser with a mirror to the side of the bed and a closet. There was also a full bathroom with a washer and dryer and a dressing table (so tons of counter space and two mirrors) upstairs as well.

And, there was another deck on the second floor. This one didn't have a full-sized table, but it did have two chairs with a small table between, and a small couch complete with a bunch of throw pillows on one end of the deck. This deck too overlooked the beauty that was the Smoky Mountains.

"Who's that?" you asked fifteen minutes later after you had finished touring the cabin and figuring out sleeping arrangements.

It had been decided that Adam and Kim would take the first-floor bedroom and that you'd take the pull-out couch on their floor. Hailey and Jay would sleep upstairs and you wondered why you couldn't take the upstairs couch like you wanted to because Jay was quick to tell you no.

You knew they weren't gonna try to do the nasty up there since there was no door shutting the upstairs off from the downstairs, so you had no idea why he wouldn't let you sleep on the pull-out couch upstairs.

"Who's that?" you asked again while looking out the kitchen window.

Then, you saw a head of red hair in the driver's seat and rushed out the door to where the person parked their car.

"Will!" you shouted as he got out of the car. "I missed you!" You wrinkled your nose at what he was wearing: a pair of blue scrubs.

"I drove here right after I got off a twelve-hour ED rotation," Will told you. "Hence the scrubs."

"I would give you a hug, but who knows what kinda bodily fluids have been on those."

"Good choice. We'll postpone the hug until after I take a quick shower and change."

Adam, Kim, and Jay came outside and said their hellos to Will, and Jay took Will's backpack, making a joke saying that it felt like he stuffed a ton of rocks in there.

So, now you knew why you couldn't sleep on the pull-out couch upstairs: Will was sleeping there.

***

"Fuck!" you yelled as you felt a bee sting you on the upper part of your left inner thigh.

"What?" Adam asked.

You, Adam, and Kim were outside at the table on the first-floor deck studying while Will was upstairs studying and Jay and Hailey were studying one of their law studies classes at the kitchen table together.

"The fuckin' bee stung me!"

"Well, you were swattin' at him, darlin'," Adam said, which earned him a smack to the arm from Kim.

"Because he was between my legs!" you argued. "What was I supposed to do? Let him fly up my shorts and sting me there? Oh hell no!"

You got up and walked inside.

"Will!" you shouted the minute you closed the door to the deck.

"Y/N! Keep it down!" Jay scolded. "We're trying to study!"

You had made it up the first set of stairs and leaned over the railing. "Well, I just strung by fuckin' bee, so I think I can yell a bit, Jay! Will!"

"What?" he said and ripped out his headphones when you got all the way upstairs. "Med school's no joke, you know!"

"Well, what do I put on a bee sting?" you huffed.

Will sighed. "Hold on. They asked me to be the one who brought the first aid kit and I'm glad I did."

He got up and then came back with a bottle of lotion.

"Put this on it. Should cool down the stinging. Tell me if it gets worse or starts itching."

"Okay, thanks."

You put it on and hoped it would be better soon.

***

Okay, so this bee sting wasn't getting better. It was actually getting worse.

It had been itchy all day and you were currently shaving your legs in your shower. You felt the place where the bee had stung you and it was swollen as if someone had shoved a disk the size of an Oreo in your leg at the place the bee had stung you.

You got out of the shower, got changed, and walked out of the bathroom where country music was blasting and Jay and Adam were playing a friendly (okay, so maybe not so friendly) game of pool.

"Hailey, is my bee sting supposed to be super itchy?" you asked as you sat down on the couch next to her.

She and everyone else was drinking one of their two allotted white claws. Yes, during finals week you had all decided there needed to be a daily cut-off for alcohol so that you could all get your shit done. And, it helped keep everyone accountable since everyone in the cabin was only having two per day...and you weren't spending a ton of money this weekend on alcohol.

"Um, none of mine have ever been," she said. "Will!" He turned to look at her from where he was sitting and intently watching the pool game...mostly to make sure neither Adam nor Jay cheated. "Her bee sting supposed to itch?"

"Not unless she's allergic to bees...and she's not." He stood up. "Go lay on the bed and let me take a look."

"Oh, fuck no! I am not letting my brother look there!"

"Y/N, I'm a med student. I've seen a helluva lot more than a bee sting on your inner thigh. You can even go put on some short spandex if that would make you more comfortable."

You currently had on loose-fitting shorts that you knew would fall back to expose what underwear you were wearing if you let Will take a look. "Actually, I think I'll go do that," you said.

You quickly grabbed a pair of spandex from your suitcase and went back into the bathroom and changed into them.

"Y'all check for a stinger?" Adam asked.

Will must've filled him in when you were changing your shorts.

"Shit," Will cursed. "I knew there was something I forgot to do."

"What kinda fuckin' doctor are you if you forget to check something like that?" you asked Will rhetorically. "Hailey, I'm gonna need that empty white claw bottle to smack Will over the head with like you did to Jay on the river."

"Sorry, hun," Hailey apologized. "I ain't finished with this 'ere can yet."

"I'll hit him!" Jay yelled, putting down his pool stick and grabbing his empty can.

He hit Will on the arm with the empty white claw can as hard as he possibly could.

"The fuck?" Will yelled. "Why'd you do that?"

"I dunno." Jay turned to Adam. "Why were we hitting Will, again?"

"Holy shit," Adam muttered to himself. "Because he forgot to check Y/N's bee sting to see if the stinger was still there."

"Oh, okay. That was stupid, Will."

You laid on the bed and let Will look at the spot the bee stung you. Then, he put on a pair of gloves and pulled out a pair of tweezers.

"Hailey?" he called. She looked up expectantly. "Can you come over here and hold up a flashlight? I think I found the stinger."

Hailey got up and turned on the flashlight on her phone and crouched down next to Will.

"That good?" she asked as she finished positioning the phone so the phone's flashlight was pointing directly at your bee sting.

"Yup." He looked up at you. "Now, I'm gonna put one of my hands above the bee sting, that way you won't be able to see the tweezers go in. Sound good?"

"Mhm. At least this is better than when Jay tried to attack me with a snake!"

Will laughed. "I bet."

Five minutes later, the stinger was out and Will told you to put Neosporin and a bandaid over it just so you didn't keep itching it because he told you the itchiness wouldn't go away immediately.

"I need a drink," you said after you were all done.

Hailey handed you a raspberry white claw from the mini-fridge next to the couch and you popped it open.

"Thanks," you said.

"You're welcome."

"Everyone shut up!" Adam yelled. "This is Jay and Hailey's song...well, they didn't exactly meet at a bar and Hailey wasn't drinking a white claw, but it was a Saturday and those two did ditch us. So, dance you two!"

They tried to object, but Adam dragged Jay over to Hailey and Kim pushed Hailey up off the couch and towards Jay.

"Sittin' over there in the corner, baby, I saw pretty red lips workin' on a white claw," you all sang along to Single Saturday Night by Cole Swindell. And, you'd be lying if you said that this song didn't remind you of the story that Jay had told you about the first time he took Hailey out when she was bored one Saturday night in a sports bar. "Shakin' to a little Shook Me All Night Long. And I thought, man, what a beautiful sight."

You smiled. Four months ago, there'd be no way you'd know this song. But, thanks to your brother's friends and his girlfriend, you knew so many more country songs. But, most of all, if your first semester of freshman year was any indication, you were going to have the time of your life going to college here in Tennessee.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for reading! Again, please remember to like/reblog and comment because I love reading all your comments and seeing that you voted because that means you enjoyed reading the imagine! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you! Again, I am donating all my proceeds on buy me a coffee until the end of AU-gust to Save The Children to help the children in Afghanistan. Buy me a coffee here.

Taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl@dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things @herecomesthewriterwitch @liampayne88

[justmypartner]

Make it Work: Chapter 10

Summary: When offered a permanent position with the FBI, Hailey agrees to take it under one condition: Jay comes too. As their personal lives and work lives begin to change, the two partners find it increasingly difficult to navigate their complex relationship and manage their feelings for one another.

Writer’s Note: The Finale!!! I’m so sad to wrap up this story. This story was the idea that inspired me to start this account and dive into the fandom world as a fic writer, so it’s very special to me. It has been so fun to develop, and I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s reactions and input after each chapter. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this story and joining me for this journey😭❤️ ...& be on the look out for info about my next multi-chapter which will be out soon!

Tagging: @angelsjedi , @brookerz122493 , @cpdfan2014 , @the–carousel , @maya-asturias , @itsdesiree86 , @tvshowsaremyhappyplace , @stephanie708​

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“So, the FBI and New York, huh?” Trudy questioned, settling into the barstool across from the younger detective and flashing her a curious look. The goodbye party at Molly’s was just finally dying down, and Trudy took advantage of the quiet moment to question her for the first time since finding out she was leaving.

“Yep,” Hailey responded, a sheepish look on her face with the response.

“When did you and Halstead finally… you know, get together or whatever?” Trudy asked, sending a heat directly to Hailey’s cheeks.

“What? No, I mean, no… It’s not like that,” Hailey stammered out, embarrassed by the question.

“Uh huh. Right, because anyone would just give the FBI an ultimatum when offered an elite position, all just to keep their ‘partner’,” the sergeant said sarcastically.

“It’s not like- I mean he’s a great partner. The best one I’ve had in all my time with the CPD. I’m better with him as my partner,” she shrugged before continuing. “When they offered me the job, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse, except there was a part of me that wanted to refuse it. The part of me that was missing him. Without even thinking I just told them I wasn’t going anywhere without him. It was like my mouth was moving before my brain could catch up,” Hailey confessed, immediately grimacing at the soppy words.

“Look, kid. I’ve worked with so many people over the years. I’ve had horrible partners, I’ve had some that left an imprint on me that I’ll never be able to shake, but I’ve only ever had one that I would give up this job for, only one that I would’ve even considered bargaining with the same way you did,” Trudy confessed, a perceptive look on her face. “That partner is my husband.”

Hailey shook her head, a half-frown, half-smile expressed across her face. Just as she was about to respond, Jay came walking up. She watched as he bantered back and forth with the sergeant, smiling, but zoning out as Trudy’s words sunk in with her. She hadn’t fully confronted what she felt for him. She knew she had feelings for him, she just kept them buried, knowing those kind of feelings could ruin the great thing they’d built over the years. But at the same time, she realized doing so could mean missing out on something even better. She snapped back into focus when he asked if she needed a ride. She refused, and he joked a little more with Trudy before saying his goodbye and walking on.

“He’s a good guy. I’ll kinda miss him,” Trudy admitted, turning around briefly after he walked away. Her head snapped back to Hailey quickly. “You tell anyone I said that and I’ll deny it,” she threatened, causing Hailey to let out a throaty laugh.

“Really though, from the outside looking in, what you two have seems to be more than just a partnership,” Trudy told her. Hailey blinked her eyes closed slowly, reluctantly giving in to the sergeant’s attempts to pry the feelings out of her.

“I’ve definitely let my mind wander. You know, he looks at me a certain way and I think what if we were more than partners? What if we took that leap? But I’ve never been good at relationships… I don’t want to ruin the thing we’ve built by trying to turn it into something more,” Hailey divulged, feeling a strange sense of release finally talking about those difficult feelings she had tried to hide for so long.

“I dated this guy once. He was a geologist,” Trudy said, causing Hailey’s eyes to widen and her brows to curve into a question. “Yeah, it didn’t last long. Anyway, he used to use the word watershed a lot. He really loved the double meaning of it. Obviously in geology it represented actual water or whatever, but he also used it to describe things that really impacted his life. Turning points. I never really understood it in that way until I met Randall. Before him, I had already given up on the idea of relationships, then he showed up out of nowhere and suddenly my entire outlook changed. He was my turning point… my watershed guy, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you think Halstead could be your watershed guy, don’t wait too long to make your move Goldilocks. You’re only tempting fate the longer you push the idea away,” she finished, taking a sip of her drink as she observed Hailey’s reaction to her story.

“I’m going to miss you, Trudy,” Hailey said softly, raising her bottle to clink with her glass as the words resonated with her.

- - - -

The obnoxious beeping of Jay’s alarm woke him, and he groaned as he mustered up the energy to roll over and turn it off. It had been two weeks since the incident, since he confessed his feelings, Walker was suspended, and Hailey told him she needed time. Hailey took those two weeks off, telling Drake she needed to take time to heal, both physically and emotionally. It was time he happily granted after everything that happened.

Within days of Walker’s suspension, an official investigation had opened up concerning his misconduct. With that came several other female agents with stories to tell about the man. Stories very similar to Hailey’s. Nothing official had taken place yet, but things weren’t looking good for him, and the prosecutors all but promised that Hailey and those other women would finally get justice for what he did.

Fortunately, Drake and the rest of the Manhattan office backed each of the victims completely, sending out memos voicing their total and consistent support for anyone that ever needed to come forward with allegations of misconduct. Especially internal misconduct against other agents.

In this office, we protect the badge when necessary, but we also demonstrate accountability when that same badge is being abused. Victims should never be silenced, and victims should never be blamed, especially when they are members of this sacred institution.

This was the line that stuck out to Jay in all of the memos, and he was proud to represent a group of people that were willing to address the issue in such a way. It meant a lot to him that they had Hailey’s back in a way the CPD didn’t, and he hoped it brought her some sense of peace their former department never could.

In those two weeks she took off, Jay and Daisy were partnered up again considering both of their partners were off the job. The dynamics around the office were weird. They hadn’t filled the void left by Walker, and without Hailey there, Jay didn’t feel like himself. The gossip was lighter than he was expecting, something he was grateful for, but he and Daisy both caught lingering stares anytime they were in the office. It was already distracting to not be working with Hailey, and the stares certainly weren’t helping. He was just counting down the days until her return, but in a way it seemed as though the rest of the office was as well. Everyone wanted to gain back some sense of normalcy after everything that went down.

He didn’t see her in all of that time she was off, but they kept in contact through the occasional text. In those texts, they avoided talking about them. It was mostly just him catching her up on work or her catching him up on the Walker case, all very brief and to the point conversations. She told him she needed time, and that was exactly what he was giving her.

At that moment he laid there in bed, it was the weekend, and he was relieved to have it off. They had caught some rough cases throughout the week, and he needed one day that wasn’t filled with horrible people who did horrible things. He also needed something to keep his mind from missing Hailey. Pretty much every time he closed his eyes during those two weeks, he pictured her lips against his, her body tucked into his side, and her light breath against his chest. The memories of that day lingered like phantom touches, and he couldn’t get her off of his mind. He needed a distraction from it all, but he didn’t have any plans for the day. He could have easily stayed in bed longer, but he knew if he did that he would just end up spending the rest of the day there wallowing, wondering when Hailey would be ready to come back to him. So, he forced himself out of the bed and began his day.

Once he was up, showered, and fully caffeinated, he lingered by the window, catching the idea to tour the city as he watched the people walk about the street below. In all of the time they had been in the city, he still hadn’t taken an opportunity to get to know it. It was a clear, warm weather day, so he thought it would be a perfect time to meander the still unfamiliar city. He hoped the unfamiliarity would force his mind to think about something other than Hailey.

His tour started by taking the subway to Times Square. He always thought it was an overrated attraction, but standing in the middle of it all, looking up around him he realized why people find it so alluring. There was a surreal feeling he had standing there, a feeling he really couldn’t explain. Afterwards, he made his way to Rockefeller Center, Central Park, and around lunchtime he ate at some hole in the wall restaurant outside of Madison Square. The deeper into the city he got, the more charmed he was by it. Looking around while not also chasing a criminal or looking out for a threat changed his perspective in the best way possible. Nothing would ever replace the spot Chicago had in his heart, but he really was falling in love with New York. After lunch, he wandered around, people watching and taking in how unique every street seemed to be. With his career, he never really got the chance to travel, so being a pseudo-tourist for the day sort of mimicked that. It was an interesting experience for him.

It was nearing sunset, and he was scouting out the best spot to catch it. He was never a sit around and watch the sunset kind of guy, but he figured new city could mean new traditions. Just as he was scouring the internet for the best spot, a text came in from Hailey.

Can you meet me?

Along with the text came a pin of her current location. He was in Lower Manhattan, and the location was only a few blocks away on the Lower East Side by the river. His face lit up when he read it, and he felt like he couldn’t move his legs fast enough as he started in her direction. He made his way through crowded sidewalks, the usual noise of traffic and other city sounds around him falling silent to the pounding of his heart in his chest. Two weeks without her, he wasn’t even concerned with what she had to say, he was just ecstatic to finally see her. He made it to the edge of a park by the river, one that looked impalpably familiar. Then he saw the bridge and the orange tint in the sky, and it hit him. It was the spot from the picture she showed him on the plane to the city. He crossed the street and entered the park. His eyes scanned the area, circling the field briefly before spotting a familiar blonde sitting on a blanket under a tree.

Her back was to him, and he took in every detail he could from afar before she could notice. It took him a moment to realize it was her because she was wearing a dress. In the four years he had known her, he had only ever seen her wear a dress a few times and only on special occasions, but this one blew them all out of the water. It was a pale yellow sundress with a delicate flower pattern. Her legs were kicked out to the side under her, and the dress revealed the beautiful tan tone of her skin, the Greek in her that gave her that subtle olive glow. He noticed the way her golden waves fell effortlessly down her back and over her shoulders, and it amused him to see she had paired the dress with simple white sneakers. Such a Hailey Upton thing to do, balance out something as frilly as a yellow sundress with something so casual like a pair of sneakers. The color of the dress suited her so well, and she was quite literally glowing in the orange rays of the setting sun.

As he approached, he noticed a box of pizza and a bottle of wine settled beside her. Oh God is this a date? He thought to himself, becoming aware of the boring t-shirt and jeans he was wearing and the fact that he just spent the day working up a sweat as he walked around the city. He wished he could pop home, or even in a nearby store to at least change his shirt, but he was already there and there was no turning back.

“Hi,” he finally said when he got close, his voice just loud enough for her to hear. She quickly stood and spun around, beaming at him as she did so. She smiled for a long moment, silently taking in his presence with a radiance of joy spread across her face.

“God, I’ve missed you,” she finally said, breathing out the words with a solaced breath.

“Me too,” he said simply, taking in how stunning she was. The bruises that once lined her neck and chest were all healed up, and the spot on her lip that was once split was mended. It was like nothing ever happened. She looked perfect.

“Sorry I look like this. I just spent the day touring the city, but you…you look…” he began, but a dozen words fought to come out. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Perfect. Incredible. Of all of those words, his brain settled on a breathy “wow.” She laughed lightly, shyly looking to the ground as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“You look great… and thank you,” she said, sending him a toothy smile as he nervously chuckled back.

“So, uh what is all of this?” He asked, forcing himself to make real conversation before he embarrassed himself with further nervous babble. He noticed her finger tips lightly tapping in a mindless rhythm against her thigh, and he had to swallow away the grin that formed. He knew she was just as nervous as he was.

“Right, uh sit. I just wanted to do a dinner. A thank you for being there for me. I know you said I don’t have to thank you, but I do. Really, I do,” she said timidly as she dropped back down onto the blanket. He followed suit, settling on the ground with his knees pulled into his chest.

“I thought you hated New York pizza,” he chuckled, his eyes settling on the box before them.

“Oh I absolutely do, this is the one decent slice I have been able to find in this pizza hell of a city. It’s no Bartoli’s, but it’s edible,” she joked. He snickered at how worked up she got over pizza, and he grabbed the plate she was holding out to him.

“So, how’ve you been?” He asked, recognizing they had fully bypassed that initial level of small talk.

“Better… way better,” she admitted, and he knew by the look in her eyes she was telling the truth. It made him happy to hear, and even happier to see.

“I’m glad,” he told her with a grin. A warmth flushed through his body as she smiled proudly back at him.

“Yeah, I’ve actually been seeing a therapist. Dealing with what happened, and even dealing with stuff from Chicago that I never really dealt with,” she admitted. Years ago she changed his outlook on therapy, and he grew to learn just how beneficial it could be. He was surprised to learn therapy was a new thing for her, but it made him happy that she seemed so excited about it.

“That’s so good, really. If anyone knows how helpful that is, it’s me,” he said as he locked his eyes with hers.

“Yeah, I spent the last two weeks thinking about the thing with Walker, going over it with my therapist. I spent my sessions talking with her about everything, and I’d just go home and wonder what I could have done differently, why I missed the signs that his friendliness was more than just…”

“Hailey, none of what happened was your fault. You were nice to him, and he took advantage of that. End of story,” Jay interrupted, waving a hand in front of him to emphasize his words.

“No, no, I know that. I just kept thinking about what he said about me leading him on. While I know I definitely wasn’t doing that, I did start to question why I so easily looked past his comments and his flirting. I mean, I would have shut that down immediately in any other situation with any other guy. Like, I knew it was happening, yet I let the comments go and still agreed to keep seeing him after work. I kept thinking about that, kept talking it over with my shrink, and I eventually realized what it was,” she said, her focus fixed on the sky behind Jay’s head as she spoke, and he noticed her fingers restlessly playing with the hem of her dress.

Jay wrapped his arms tightly around his knees, locking his fingers around his wrists, anxiously waiting for her to finish her thought.

“Every time I went out with him, it was an excuse to get away from you… a distraction because I couldn’t stop thinking about how I felt about you,” she confessed.

Jay let out a shaky breath. He had figured she had feelings for him, imagined what she was thinking when only her eyes were communicating what words weren’t, but the verbal confession still took him by surprise. He looked at her, stupefied and relieved by the admission, and there was a long pause. She took a breath and finally continued as her eyes seem to roam the sky for her words.

“Before I left Chicago, Trudy said something to me that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. But, we were going through this big change, new city, new job, it all just didn’t seem like the right time, and I wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way. But then we’d have these little stolen moments, these blips of time where it felt like we were going to make that jump, and something would get in the way,” she said. Jay almost let out a chuckle at how familiar her words sounded. It was like she had snuck into his brain and was reading off a script of his own thoughts.

“When I was out with Walker, I was passing the time with him to forget about you. Yet, every single time, you were all I could think about… Trudy said the longer I pushed the thought of us away, the more I was tempting fate. Well, I’m done tempting fate. I’m done letting people and time and situations stand in the way of us because Jay, you’re my watershed guy,” she rambled, her words rolling together the quicker she spoke. She took a series of deep breaths after the long monologue, clearly fighting back tears as Jay tried to process everything she was saying and everything it carried.

“Watershed guy? I don’t think I’m follow-“ he questioned before she cut him off. She snickered lightly before continuing, shaking her head amusedly as she tried to find the words to continue.

“Right, you don’t get that… uh there’s a story behind that, but what I’m trying to say is my life hasn’t been the same since I’ve met you. You’re always there. When I expect it and even when I don’t. In more ways than one, you have made me a better person, a better detective, and now a better agent. We came into each other’s lives and for me it was like everything changed. I’ve never had a partner like you. I’ve never had a friend like you, and at some point I realized I can’t even picture what my life would look like without you. I don’t want to. You… you are my turning point,” she said, inhaling sharply.

“Jay, I’m in love with you. I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and I’ve been pushing it down for so long but I can’t anymore. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you said those words to me. I know I made you wait for me, and I would understand if-“ with that, Jay leaned forward, kissing her with the desperation and fervor that had been building up in him over the past two weeks. The past four years if he was being honest. She relaxed into the kiss, bringing her hand to the back of his head, brushing her fingers through his short hair as she pulled him closer into her. They sat there in the middle of the park together, lost in each other, and completely oblivious to the world around them as they unleashed almost four years of pent of feelings. When they finally pulled away for air, they giggled against one another’s mouths, coming down from the reality of the euphoric moment. Hailey leaned forward into him, placing a brief kiss against his lips before pulling away again, staring into his eyes and rubbing a thumb over his mouth lightly.

“So, does that mean we’re on the same page?” she asked with a smirk.

“That means, I’m in love with you too,” he said back, tangling his hand into her hair and bringing her back to him for another kiss. She smiled widely, before settling back onto folded legs.

They ate dinner together under the setting sun, watching as the sky changed from day to night. They talked and laughed for hours until they realized they were the only two left in the dimly lit park. Upon the realization, they gathered everything from the ground and made their way out of the park, their hands intertwined together and their faces sharing the same twinkled smile.

“So, what now?” He asked as she swung their joined hands together between them. They walked slowly, savoring every second as they maneuvered half-empty sidewalks.

“Now, we go back to my place… if you’re willing to share a bed with me again,” she said in a confident whisper, pulling on his arm slightly so that she could raise up and say it into his ear.

The corners of his mouth curled up in return, and he bobbed his head dramatically in endorsement.

“You had me at go back to my place,” he said firmly, smiling as she giggled next to him. He leaned down, pressing a kiss against her temple, and they continued to make their way back to her place, at a slightly quicker pace than before.

- - - -

“I know I said this before, but you make a great pillow… among other things,” she innuendoed, raising her brows and kissing the grin from his mouth. They were wrapped up in her bed, unable to keep their hands off one another from the moment they made it back to her apartment. It was late into the night, and they remained tangled together, their hands mindlessly traveling each other’s bodies as they basked in the afterglow.

“You make a pretty damn good weighted blanket… among other things,” he teased back, causing them both to giggle. Once the light laughter had subsided, he broke the silence with a question, a heavier question than he intended.

“So what does this mean for our partnership?” he asked her, his fingers still dragging lightly across her bare shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean what if the FBI doesn’t let us stay partnered together,” he whispered, slight concern in his voice. There was a silence as she thought it over, and her fingers that traced circles against his chest suddenly stopped. She sat up, resting against his chest the same way she did weeks ago as her eyes peered intently into his.

“I think we’re great together. As partners, and as I’m sure time will tell, as more. This doesn’t need to blend with the work stuff. I know us, and I know we can keep things separate. If they have a problem with that, they can take it up with me. I’ve given the FBI an ultimatum for you before, I will gladly do it again,” she replied, a sneaky grin expressed across her face. He shook his head with a smile in response, bringing a hand down to push a strand of hair out of her face.

“I love you,” he said in a soft whisper. She brought her face close to his, merely inches away.

“And I love you,” she whispered back before connecting their lips.

“Whatever happens, we’ll be fine,” she reassured him upon pulling away.

From detectives to agents, partners to friends, friends to lovers, they’d endured a lot of change in the past few years. They were bound to face even more change ahead, but one thing Jay knew for sure, it was only the beginning of an entire lifetime of change they’d endure together.

“Yeah, we’ll make it work,” he nodded, and she smiled widely before crashing her lips back into his.

[felikatze]

s11 ice chapter is DONE and wawo. it was good.

i'm gonna talk about the benign shit first cuz wawo this season had Stuff Going On. man.

the filler episodes were, as with the fire chapter, top tier. incredible. fantastic.

also hello. 2d animated sequences?? in my ninjago?? it's more likely than you think

ofc these episodes fulfill the purpose of torturing viewers by prolonging cliffhangers but the subject matter is well chosen.

the first one answers your cinemasins ding of "hey wouldnt all the villains attack ninjago now" to which the show says "no because they're too dumb to escape jail with pixal on the block." also again as with the fire chapter the episode was hilarious.

seeing how some two bit villains perceive the ninja. height of comedy. also the "who the fuck is fugidove" running gag because who tf is he indeed. and why does he hate jay of all ninjas the most.

ALSO THE FUCKING. DBZ PARODY???? JAY WALKER AS GOKU??? HELLO??? DID I SEE THAT RIGHT??????? sorry i was just not mentally prepared for that existing i just. i paused the episode and ate lunch before i could proceed. my lunch was a bowl of pretzel shaped biscuits. i also ate three whole potatoes today i'm good

the next "filler" (cuz it's not REALLY filler in the anime filler sense but i use filler to mean "does not advance the main plot in any way") ep deals with pixal and wu and pixal fighting the fucking preeminent is fun (they brought it back for a joke??? i thought it was gone after nya drowned it?? is this a different one without hydra capabilites?? did it jusz.... grow back or did nya killing it send it to the departed realm) but also the episode depresses me

pixal and wu DO NOT deal with grief good those two are depressed as hell. pixal almost kills herself because she a) knows she's the only line of defense left for ninjago b) can't go on without zane and like. okay. goddd. what the fuck. i wish pixal happy therapy.

WU ALSO LIKE. he def has that "it should've been me" survivor's guilt shit going on. he's so desparate to find them. like that one scene where he and pixal find the departed realm and he deludes himself into thinking the growls of the preeminent are the sounds of the land bounty. and then he doesnt want to lose pixal too....... i'm so emo abt this.

side note pixal before almost frying herself saying she loves zane as her last words and zane's recording having him say he loves pixal as his last words. I'M SO EMO ABT THIS FR. pixane are the only bitches i respect

MOVING ON TO THE MAIN PLOT

laaast time i speculated maybe kai just gets his powers back but he doesnt!! that's vry cool actually. he has to get some self confidence babeyyyy. it's funny how like. he manages to get fire again and immediatly gets cocky again but then the ice dragon shows up and his savior complex or whatever kicks him in the ass. hell yeah man.

nice setup for the climax where "oh look the ice dragon is an elemental creation" so he melts the thing and actually manages to save people for real this time. good for him

ALSOOO NYA. return of her s5 bane: not immediatly being good at stuff. CONSISTENCY!! we love to see it. vry sexy acknowledgement that ice is just frozen water, therefore shouldn't nya be able to control it? HELL YEAH SHE CAN! it's just vry hard.

mildly conflicted abt cole this season cuz. why set it up so that the traveler's tea can't bring them back only for cole to lose it anyway? it feels weird from a writing standpoint that the ninja never even notice. they could've easily just been told by like, sorla (is that her name? the wu stand-in), since at the end of the season she knows leaves aren't enough and cole pulls out the uh. berry.

the tea not working anyway undercuts cole's guilt over losing the tea i feel. bcuz the audience knows it would be a moot point if he'd kept it anyway. i don't think the mini-arc about cole feeling guilty over this is bad, it's good actually, but again! the effect just gets undercut cuz! yeah!!

that aside. rlly fun how cole dads krag. he threatens to revoke its (his?) gaming rights. i feel like cole still makes the ninja eat their veggies. it's sooo funny how he gets mad at them for talking shit in his dream. hello. my guy. you were dreaming.

3. akita. bark bark

next up. new characters. mainly akita!! woof. conceptually i find her vry cool. i love shapeshifters i think wolves are cool (<- is transgender)

i think it's great how lloyd reacts to her deceit cuz like. lloyd traumadumped to this random wolf and the wolf is a girl actually and god this random girl knows about his daddy issues now. he feels betrayed as he should bcuz otherwise s8 would feel for naught. lloyd got trust issues now babeyy!!! though he does forgive akita when its clear she had no ill intent and still needs help!! bcuz it's vry vry important that despite it all, lloyd's still kind

love the juxtaposition of revenge vs saving on akita and lloyd. and this isn't set up for shits n giggles it does actually result in conflict between the two when akita tries to stab zane and lloyd stops her, but still protects her from zane when that goes to shit.

i think her backstory segment was done amazing to answer all sorts of questions i wasn't even asking until they got answered, like why the fuck does zane have a castle?

her relationship to her lost brother is also a great parallel to everyone's search for zane. it shows the level of hope they have. akita has no hope, she believes herself to be alone. she wants revenge, and has no plans for a future after. why should she? she turned her back on her frozen home.

meanwhile, the ninja fervently believe that zane is still alive, and that they can find him. in the end, faith is rewarded with a happy ending. i'm happy that akita gets her family back, too. it's sweet, for one, makes the season less grim and more family tv friendly, for another, and ties into this comparison. even if she had no hope to start with, her efforts still weren't in vain.

the main downside to her character is her giving lloyd a kiss cuz like i UNDERSTAND that these two characters bonded a lot through mutual traumadumping and near death experiences but i do not think they had romantic chemistry and i will be ignoring this. thank you. lloyd remains unshippable to me.

sorry for mainly talking abt akita in conjunction with lloyd but these two characters spent the most time together this season and as such their plotlines are inextricable. thanks for understanding. moving on

gotta talk abt vex now i think. i like that he just sucks. he doesnt get an animal form cuz he's a distrusting selfish bastard. he's the cause of every problem ever this season. he just sucks.

he's the only one who tries to start shit with the formlings because they hate him for sucking and then the king tells him to fuck off thank god.

also how this bitch just??? gaslights zane?? like actual definition of gaslight gaslight??? hello???????????

zane..... zane my man. dear god.

first of all. i love villain arcs. i think they're sexy. i LOVE the scene where lloyd tries to get zane to remember desparately and then zane throws him in jail. that's good character conflict babeyyy!!

vex being all Gaslight Gatekeep ultimately takes the crux of all evil away from zane which i think is both the good writing choice for a kids cartoon and cowardly. cowardly because, gestures at above paragraph, and good writing choice because zane would never intentionally hurt people otherwise

the set up of the ice emperor really does only work because of the combo of evil advisor + corrupting artefact of great power

the flashback episode here did great work. obviously it can't depict zane's presumably gradual descent into madness over decades because it's one ten minute episode, but it still did a great job. it rlly hammered home that zane only used the scroll out of desparation, and was tricked in a vital moment. like we understand how zane got to being the ice emperor and it makes sense from a character standpoint, especially considering the frequently mentioned time gap that cannot be adequately portrayed in one ten minute backstory ep. more than one backstory ep would be too needlessly long though, so again ultimately the best choice.

s good ya

the twist itself was obvious see that one post abt zane's lil bright blaring blue gloves. like even tho i did get spoilered on it it's. ice powers. convenietly frozen staff. glowing blue eyes. the gloves.

the writers tried to red herring so hard with keitaro as the faceless prisoner and i respect that but frankly it did not work much. good on them knowing a red herring was necessary though cuz it sure was.

i love the detail of the ice emperor having to free his arms every time he stands up bcuz he froze himself to the throne by accident. adds flavor.

the final fight is sooo. goddamn it's good. like the aspheera fight it's plain fun to watch it looks amazing but i also love how it ends.

zane wins the fight. like with corruption arcs like this it's usually "hit friend over the head until good again" but none of lloyd's pleading or the fight itself did it. it was lloyd being helpless, it was vex gloating, and it was zane remembering his own mantra. he protects those who cannot protect themselves. THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD MOMENT FR. ZANE!!!! MY MAN!!!!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i liked this development can you tell. who cares if it's cliche or cheesy IT WORKS. the cheese always just works in this show. bcuz it's vry sincere. about its cheese.

side note i forgot to mention. it's super neat how the intro changes between red and blue to denote which realm the episode is set in!! so cool!

minor thing from last season: why does clutch powers use random german. the only fictional characters allowed to do that are klavier from ace attorney, and me. hey alter hör auf.

to summarize the ice chapter was amazing, i think this is the first time one of the ninja was a major antagonist? i love it. i want the writers to do it again it's just good.

next up is. the video game season? i know next to nothing about s12-15. i know it's another jay season because of that one very blue jay design with tboy swag i see art of. looking forward to it.

[timbertumbr]

Ninjago Au: The Fall of the Ninja

Since I don’t have a lot of inspiration these days and it’s been forever since I posted anything, I’m going to share my Ninjago AU outline! I’m hoping I can use the concept to make a mini X reader series like I did for the Ego Minecraft AU!

I honestly wrote this for fun because I’m a big fan of making Dark AU’s! If you’re not interested, you can scroll by, I don’t mind. For those who are interested, please note that this outline has spoilers of Ninjago Season 0-15.

Description: After the events of Season 6 and the reset, Nadakahan managed to screw with the timeline when Jay made his wish resulting in the Ninja splitting up and becoming something they feared, the darkness itself.

____________

The fate of Cole: After the rest of Season 6, he got his body back. However due to Nadakahans meddling, he remained a ghost and now haunts near where he turned into a ghost, forgetting the majority of his Ninja life and only helping those who are lost near his area.

________________

The fate of Lloyd: The reset of Season 6 spiraled the events of Season 7 which led to Season 8 through 10 to ensue. But due to the timeline being screwed up, Lloyd went on his own, feeling confident to do the duty of the Ninja alone.

That’s when he meets Harumi who of course tricks him while her gang took the masks in the shadows. Once Lloyd finds out what Harumi is doing, he breaks a very special code of the Ninja. To never kill. He kills Harumi which results in him awakening his Onni side. He witch hunted the sons of the Garmadon and now hides in the cave where the last mask resided, swearing to protect it while he fought his onni instincts and the grips of loneliness. (Note, he is half onni.)

___________________ The fate of Zane: Zane was made to protect others, but what if the Mechanic got a hold of him and started messing with his coding and what not, basically erasing Zane and becoming someone completely different. He became someone cold and hurtful towards others. We see this as he severely hurts Mechanic during another experiment procedure and walks away, taking one of the Mechanic's many hats and even taking a prototype face place meant for him. With Zane’s last moments as himself, he brought himself to his father’s lab before he completely turned into someone different. 

Someone who calls himself Enaz.

_____________________

The fate of Nya: She decided to go back to the smith shop with Kai while also occasionally visiting Jay. On her way to one of said visits, the endless sea called her and she listened. She drove all the way to the beach where the endless sea lay and slowly entered the water, her body becoming part of the sea and of course becoming a water Nymph. 

She would never be the same, and the sudden disappearance of Nya devastated her brother and her boyfriend, also her Yin.

_____________________

The fate of Jay: After the disappearance of his girlfriend and beloved Yin, his mental state took a turn for the worst. He drowned himself in inventing which worried his adoptive parents. 

Eventually, Edna pulls Jay aside and asks if he’s okay, he responds indifferently. He snapped, becoming indifferent with the disappearances of all his friends. Worried for his mental state, his adoptive parents place him in an asylum (a proper one, not the one shown in those awful movies.) Where he “recovers” by getting his personality back but repressing his memories of the Ninja because of how painful it is for him.

He’s released back to his family who are so happy to see he’s somewhat better but is worried that he doesn’t seem to remember anything about the Ninja. He is now an employee at Borg industry, a mere shadow of who he was.

Additionally, he received a white streak in his hair after a therapy session made him have a mental breakdown and since his electric abilities respond to how emotional he is, it didn’t end well.

He occasionally gets shocks from his abilities and plays it off as him being near electrical units all day, disregarding any questions about his previous life. Jay walker is now a walking battery and inventor to Borg industries. 

__________________

The fate of Kai: The last one standing of the Ninja. After Nya’s disappearance, he went to find Jay who just started working for Borg industries. He went to make sure Jay was okay but was met with the delusional shadow of his friend, who didn’t remember him in the slightest. 

This hit Kai HARD, after a lot of trial and error to make Jay remember, he left Borg industries distraught. He started to spiral outside of the building, going deeper and deeper into his negative thoughts before his emotions reached their limit and he snapped. He screamed as his fire reacted to his emotions and engulfed him in flames.

The heat was too much for his body, so he collapsed, unconscious causing the flames to die down. He was sent to the hospital for a variety of burns. Kai laid in the hospital bed for months, his image shattered and his cocky and  brave personality burnt to ashes. 

One day, he vanished from the hospital without a trace. Some say he walks the streets of Ninjago under a cloak and mask, swearing to never use his abilities even if it kills him. Some say they’ve seen him silently taking out smaller thugs but usually avoids fighting all together.

Some say he has a variety of bandages covering his body, attempting to hide his shame. Wherever he is, it’s hard to say if he’s alive or not.

_____________________

The fate of Nadakhan: The reason behind all this suffering. He managed to change the timeline by making a wish before Jay’s finished but at the cost of Nadakhan disappearing from existence since it was such a big wish. 

_____________________________

The fate of Ninjago: The land of peace and prosperity had a dark cloud hanging over it after the Ninja split apart and most of them disappeared. Crime was still the same but the citizens felt a sense of melancholy no matter what they did. Without the elemental master keeping things in check, Ninjago fell into a grey area of where light nor darkness could win. 

_______________

And that’s all I got for this little AU idea, I may draw some of the Ninja in their new forms but no promises. I hope you had fun reading and let me know if you want to see a Mini series with this!

[lloydskywalkers]

heLLO i’m so sorry this took so long!! tumblr did not, in fact, eat your ask this time, i just took five years with the response T-T i did very much want to write something about Jay and Cliff (because that’s a criminally underused relationship), but unfortunately season 12 has come out since i wrote All I’m Asking For and kind of...made things...a lot angstier :’( so this leans much more on the angst side than the fluff, but!! there is some in there, i promise

It happens mid-battle, which is never a good time for anything to happen, really, other than a spontaneous victory. If it had happened at any other time, Jay would’ve gone with him. Any other time, he tells himself, he would’ve found the time to talk.

But it’s mid-battle right after Sensei Wu’s gone missing in time, and ironically enough, time is the last thing Jay has on his hands.

It’s not even the worst of battles — just some jerks who actually happen to have too much time and advanced high-grade weaponry on their hands — but it’s enough to send the city’s civilians screaming for cover as another chunk of building comes raining down toward them. Normally Cole would take this kind of thing, since Jay’s more about the agile, dynamic stuff (not because his arms are a whole lot like half-cooked spaghetti noodles next to Cole’s, not at all). But Cole’s on the other side of the city running collateral damage watch with Zane, so Jay’s the only one around to snatch the poor man out of harm’s way before a chunk of concrete squashes him.

“Whoo, that was close,” he breathes out, as dust mushrooms out from the impact nearby. Jay carefully sets the man down, coughing briefly and tugging his mask into place. “You alright?”

The man doesn’t reply, staring at Jay with wide, eerily familiar eyes. “You,” he breathes, as if Jay is some miraculous apparition — which, sure, Jay just saved his life, but like, he’s Jay. He’s a whole two or three inches shorter than this guy, he’s not super impressive.

“You’re the lightning ninja,” the man continues. “You’re — Jay?”

Caught between being pleased he’s recognized and being slightly creeped out, Jay opens his mouth to reply. Then he looks at the guy, actually looks at the guy, and immediately shuts it. And a good thing, too, because Jay’s mouth suddenly goes so dry it kinda feels like a dust vacuum.

“Y-you’re Cliff Gordon,” he manages, on a wheezing kind of whisper. “H-hi. Hi, hello, it’s—”

An honor? Jay’s half-hysterical mind throws at him. What is he supposed to say? Hello, long-lost father who gave me up as a baby, I figured that out, by the way? Does Cliff even know Jay’s his son? Does he even know his name’s Jay? Oh, why oh why has Jay put off acknowledging anything that happened with Nadakhan for this long, just because the entire thing’s a minefield worth of trauma and it makes him wildly nauseous to think about it at all, it doesn’t mean—

“Jay,” Cliff Gordon repeats, his eyes wide and shiny, and Jay’s stomach drops like he’s on a roller coaster. Because the way he says his name — it’s like he knows, it’s like he cares—

“You, uh,” Jay swallows, utterly oblivious to the exploding building two blocks back. “I think…you knew my mom?”

Alright, points for Jay for the lamest segue into this possible, but the beaming, almost-painful smile that splits Cliff’s face at least drowns part of the shame out.

“You could say that,” he murmurs, looking part-overjoyed, part-terrified. “If you know that, then — you must know I’m your — I never meant to lose—”

Cliff cuts off painfully, dragging a hand through his graying hair. Jay vaguely notes the puffs of dust that go drifting off from it, before the awkward silence gets too heavy and his mouth kicks back into action.

“Yeah, kinda…figured that out,” Jay laughs, nervously. “I don’t, um, I’m not mad…? If that’s what you’re worried about, but it’d be uh, nice to…”

“Of course,” Cliff nods fervently, as if he’s somehow psychic and can mind-read the ten thousand words’ worth of questions barraging across Jay’s brain. “Of course, we should talk, there’s so much I need to explain, I—”

Jay’s radio interrupts him in a bursting screech of static, leaving them both wincing.

“Jay, any day you wanna get back in the game, we could use a little help here!”

Kai’s voice is strained, and Jay glances from the battle to his — Cliff — with wild eyes. Cliff shakes his head, waving toward his teammates.

“Go on, go on,” he says, something like pride in his voice. “You’ve got a much more important job to do.” He pauses, his eyes bright and painfully hopeful. “But you’ll — you’ll come and visit me sometime, will you?”

“Yeah,” Jay nods, feeling oddly shaky. “Of course, I’d — I’d really like that.”

Cliff Gordon’s face splits into full smile, and Jay takes that as his cue to leave before he does something hideously embarrassing, like run his mouth or try to — to hug the guy. His eyes catch the bright flash of the Destiny’s Shadow, and he jumps up as Lloyd tilts the plane, Zane reaching a hand out to snag Jay and haul him in.

“Nice timing,” Jay gasps in thanks as he finds his seat, fumbling once with the tight squeeze. “Sorry about the wait.”

Zane simply squeezes his shoulder briefly. “I am merely glad to see you in one piece,” he says, wincing briefly as another explosion goes off. Jay cringes as his eyes rake over the smoking flames. Man, they’re gonna be stuck doing repairs here forever—

“Who was that?”

Jay startles back to himself at Lloyd’s voice, blinking rapidly. He opens his mouth, prepared to unleash a floodgate’s worth of “you’ll never believe this”—

Then stops dead as Zane and Lloyd stare curiously at him, awaiting answer. Jay shuts his mouth, and swallows.

How is he supposed to announce he’s met his father — his second, whole father, in addition to the super great one he already has — to them? To Zane, who barely got any time with his only parent before he died? To Lloyd, who's still actively grieving having lost his only dad for like, the third time? How’s that gonna go over, huh, motormouth?

So Jay shakes his head, forcing an easy laugh instead. “Just some random fan.”

************

He means to follow up right after. He does, really, but everything goes to hell in a handbasket so quickly Jay barely even has time to breath. First it’s the months of searching for Sensei, then it’s guarding the royal family, then they’re on the run, then they’re watching Garmadon brutalize their baby brother on live television and he’s dying on a table and the city’s being destroyed by a giant and the Bounty’s being crushed with them on it and they’re running for their lives in the First Realm and Sensei Wu’s a teenager and—

They’re kind of busy, that’s the point he’s trying to make.

Eventually, there’s a brief spot of time he could go, maybe. It’s right after they’ve returned from the First Realm, though, and that’s...not a great time.

The city’s still stumbling back to its feet, for one, and the loss of the emperor and empress doesn’t exactly help. Their little family’s left stumbling back to its feet even slower, as beaten down and utterly exhausted as they are. The four of them had their own run of it in the First Realm, but Lloyd and Nya didn’t have it any better back in Ninjago, and the whole thing’s just — just a big mess. And sure, maybe reuniting with his long-lost biological father now could like, actually benefit Jay’s half-shredded mental state, since the guy seemed pretty happy to see him, but…

But fathers.

Lloyd still wanders their apartment like a ghost at night, his eyes dull and haunted from whatever night terror he’s been graced with now. He wanders a little bit like that in the day, too, eyes glazing over and hands trembling at times. Jay knows why, of course — they all know, it’s not a secret. Not with the high-definition TV footage that keeps circulating. And they — they try to help, of course, they do their very best, but there are some things only time can fix.

Jay watches Lloyd’s eyes shutter at the mention of his father, and wonders if his entire life is enough to fix whatever’s been broken with his own.

In other words, Jay decides to be a coward.

Ironically enough, however, it ends up being Lloyd that encourages him to go. Not that he realizes that.

“Don’t bother making extra for dinner tonight, Zane,” Lloyd announces wearily, as he trudges through the kitchen. “My mom’s on the road again.”

Zane blinks at that, then frowns. “Where is she off to now?”

“Don’t know,” Lloyd says shortly, before promptly stalking off toward the rooftop exit. Jay and Zane stand there in silence for a moment, Zane still methodically stirring the rice. Then he turns to Jay, and fixes him with a look.

“Grumpy-about-parents Lloyd is normally Nya’s job, you know,” Jay huffs, but he relents, following Lloyd’s quiet footsteps to the roof. Lloyd’s curled up in his usual spot, close enough to the edge that it frightened the life out of Kai the first time they found him. Jay doesn’t exactly get why, because Lloyd’s sad, yeah, but he’s not—

Well, maybe Kai’s just scared Lloyd’ll trip and fall off the roof. That’s what Jay’s choosing to believe, for his own sake.

Either way, Lloyd looks pretty sad now, so Jay plops himself right down next to him with a huff, neatly startling Lloyd so badly he almost does trip right off the roof.

“Woah, hey, it’s just me,” Jay says quickly, throwing his hands up. Lloyd glares at him, and Jay makes a face. “Don’t give me that, you’re the one that’s supposed to have ninja reflexes.”

“Hmph,” Lloyd grumbles, wrapping his arms back around his knees, but he looks slightly less likely to zap Jay’s nervous system full of energy, so he takes that as a go-ahead.

“So, your mom, huh,” Jay starts, with all the intent of comforting Lloyd and comforting Lloyd alone. “Hey, random question, but how did, um, why’d you decide to let her back into your life, in the first place?”

“What?” Lloyd stares at him. Jay cringes. Oops, that wasn’t supposed to come out. Classic Walker, he’s brought his own issues right into the middle of it, like an absolute selfish—

Great, now he wants to throw himself off the roof.

“Sorry, sorry, forget I said that,” Jay babbles, desperately trying to re-route the conversation. “Just — forget I opened my mouth, okay? Please?”

Lloyd shakes his head, looking more concerned than sad now. He’s even unfolded from his tight little Lloyd-angst-ball, which Jay would count as a victory if it weren’t for all the wrong reasons. “Jay, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” Jay blusters. Lloyd stares at him. Jay gives him a bright smile back. Lloyd continues to stare.

“Okay, fine, not really, but — that’s not why I came up here,” Jay admits, cheeks flushing.

Lloyd’s eyebrows furrow in concern. “Is everything…okay with your parents?” His voice is tentative, as if he’s almost scared of Jay’s response, and Jay can’t have that.

“My parents are fine,” he replies, firmly. “But, uh, thanks for asking. I’m just…” Jay trails off, abruptly realizing that explaining this is going to require mentioning Cliff Gordon, which is going to require mentioning that he’s adopted, which is going to require explaining why he hasn’t told the rest of his team this. None of which are options Jay wants to explore at the moment, so he desperately tries to backtrack.

Lloyd, faithfully caring brother that he is to the bitter end, beats him to it. “Well, even if they are fine, um. To answer your question, I guess I…I needed to know.” He blows his breath out, glancing out over the skyline, half-broken buildings forming dark silhouettes against the setting sun. “I needed to know why she - she left me. If it was me, or if it was her, or…whatever, you know?” Lloyd bites his lip, and Jay suddenly feels like a horrible person for putting him through the mother thing right after the father thing’s been blown to smithereens.

And yet.

“Yeah, I get that,” Jay says quietly, letting it sink in. And he does, really. More than he thought he would, and this is probably a big glaring sign from the heavens, huh.

“But I don’t know,” Lloyd continues, sounding small as his hands tug on a frayed thread from a torn spot in his gi. “Maybe sometimes it’s better to cut people out entirely, too.”

He looks terribly worn when he says that, too young and too old for his age all at once, and Jay decides he hates the expression on his youngest brother.

“I’ll remember that, next time you steal the last of my coffee stash,” he says.

Lloyd gives a startled huff of laughter, before jabbing him in the side with his elbow. “That’s not what I meant,” he rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile edging his mouth now — not quite the Lloyd smile he’s used to, but it’s not as frail as it’s been, either. Lloyd doesn’t look so much like porcelain that’s been stepped on anymore, and the proud spark of joy Jay feels from that is enough to convince him that it’s a good idea.

He did promise Cliff Gordon he would, after all, and besides — knowing can’t be that bad, and Jay’s a firm believer in the wisdom of knowledge, and all that.

He’s also a firm believer of closure, but he’s stopped claiming to be one, since it probably comes off pretty hypocritical lately.

************

Jay doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going. He doesn’t even tell them he’s going at all, he just…waits for a convenient opportunity to slip out when no one will notice.

He wishes he had. He wishes he’d told Cole, told Nya or - or anyone he was going, and at the same time he’s glad he told no one at all. He’s not quite sure he could bear anyone else seeing whatever look’s on his face right now, on top of everything else.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” the woman at the estate tells him, her eyes teary. “Cliff Gordon passed away a month ago.”

That…doesn't make sense, at first. It takes a minute, to sink through the odd roaring noise in Jay’s ears, and finally reach his brain.

“Passed…away,” he repeats, blankly.

The lady nods, looking at him with so much pity Jay kind of wants to kick her shins. “It was his heart, poor man. He hasn’t been so well the last few years, you know.”

“Right.” Jay feels a little like he does when he’d used to jump off his dragon, except this time he’s been tossed from it and he’s free-falling to a short and sudden stop.

“Did you know him?” she asks, curiously.

Jay tries to make some form of response, like “I was his son”, except all that comes out is a whole bunch of nothing. Nothing, just like what’s left in Jay’s head. He blinks rapidly, trying to banish the image seared into his brain.

Cliff Gordon’s eyes, bright and painfully hopeful.

You’ll come visit me sometime, will you?

Jay swallows thickly. “Sorry, if you’ll, uh — excuse me, I think lunch was bad.” Then he ducks for the nearby bushes, and proceeds to be horribly sick.

He tells himself, through heaving gasps, that the hot tears are only reflexive.

************

And that’s that. Jay, stupid, selfish Jay, waited too long and now he’s lost his chance forever. Because he was — what, scared? Nervous?

He’s not scared now. He kind of just hates himself, which isn’t the newest thing in the world, but this time it burns like the worst of scrapes and crawls up on him in the middle of the night, screaming what-if’s into his brain until Jay’s biting down on his pillow before he starts screaming himself.

It hurts, but he’s got no one to blame but himself. Jay messed this up all his own and he sure as heck doesn’t deserve any sympathy from his team for it. So he’s not going to even give them the chance, because they’ll never know. Jay will take this secret to the grave, because imagining the looks on everyone else’s face when he tells them he ruined this makes him want to put himself in the grave.

How long did he wait for Jay, how long did he—

Jay’s just going to drive himself insane with his own stupid brain and that’s that.

Well, that’s supposed to be that. It would’ve been that, except Cole is perceptive and Cole knows him too well, and Cole spots the look on his face when he’s telling him everything he’s found out about his mother, since Jay can’t even hide that from him.

And maybe Jay’s just weak, or so desperate for some form of reassurance or - or attention that he cracks, and spills the whole sorry thing to Cole. To his undying credit, Cole doesn’t even look like he despises Jay once. Instead, he looks at him with all this sympathy and kindness and oh, if Jay was a crier—

Well, actually, Jay is a crier, and ends up bawling into Cole’s gi at two in the morning, but what else is new.

The important thing is that Cole is Jay’s very best friend and possibly favorite person in the whole entire world, and Jay is going to murder him in cold blood for dragging him to Cliff Gordon’s estate and forcing their way in.

“If he cared enough to want to meet you, he’ll have cared enough to leave you in his will,” Cole reminds him, staunchly. “He knows how busy your life was, so I’ll bet you anything he understood.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better,” Jay hisses, as Cole manhandles him down the mansion’s — the mansion’s! — hallways. “I don’t deserve it.”

“For the love of—” Cole cuts off with an exasperated huff. “It is not your fault this happened. This is not on you. How many times are we going to have to do this, Jay.”

“Until the time you let me wallow in miserable peace,” Jay mutters. What does Cole know, it’s not like he totally bailed on his parent and then let them die. Not that Jay could do anything about that last part, sure, but the rest of it.

Cole stops them in one of the massive living rooms, finally fixing Jay with one of those stares. Uh oh.

“At least read the letter,” Cole says, suddenly pleading. “You don’t have to look at anything else if you don’t want to, but please read the letter. For me?”

Oh, Jay hates him. He tells him so, even as his glare falters in the face of Cole’s stupid puppy eyes.

“Is that a yes?” Cole replies hopefully, offering the letter they were handed with the estate key. Jay gives him a last, withering glare before snatching the letter from him.

“You’re the worst,” he mutters, as he tears open the envelope with shaky fingers. He hesitates for a beat, before mustering whatever pathetic courage he has and tugging the paper out, unfolding it as his eyes find the carefully scrawled words.

My dear Jay—

He promptly bursts into tears.

“Jay wha — Jay what’s wrong, is it that bad?” Cole is frantic as he hovers over him, his hands half-caught between reaching for Jay and reaching for the letter in his hands. Jay shakes his head, trying to stifle the sudden waterfall’s worth of tears that decided to make an appearance, and clutches the paper tighter.

Cole makes an anxious sound. “Jay, you know he’s — if he’s said something bad, it’s — he doesn’t know anything, right?”

Oh no, now Jay wants to cry harder. Cole sounds desperately concerned, kind and caring and genuine like Cole always is, and Jay feels like the worst person in the world.

Stupid, Jay, he scolds himself hotly, swiping angrily at his eyes. Stupid, selfish Jay. He’s got nothing to be crying about. Zane only had one dad, and he doesn’t go around whining about it. Lloyd’s got one dad who’s died three times, and may as well be dead now ‘cause he’s such a jerk. Kai and Nya didn’t even have any parents until last year. And Cole lost his mom who he loved, he loved so much, and he’s still here supporting Jay — stupid, selfish Jay, who’s got two entire stable parents who he’s never once doubted love him, and yet here he is, crying over the one he never really knew.

“Jay,” Cole tries again, quieter this time. “Jay, you’re allowed to be sad about your dad. It’s not a contest.”

Stupid, perceptive Cole.

“He said he loves me,” Jay finally croaks, swiping at the tears all over his face. “He didn’t even know me, Cole, how was he supposed to know that?”

Cole’s eyes soften, all melty and gross. “You’re his son, Jay, he knew you.” His lips quirk up in a smile. “Besides, he talked to you once, right? You make some pretty impactful first impressions, motormouth.”

Jay can’t decide whether to be insulted or more flattered than he’s been in the last six months. He decides to punch Cole weakly in the shoulder, before crying harder. Cole doesn’t even flinch at the hit, built like a rock as he is, and simply snatches Jay’s arm and tugs him close, wrapping his arms around him tightly. And oh, Jay wants to pull away, he doesn’t want to break down in his dead father’s mansion like this, Jay doesn’t have a lot of dignity but he’s at least got his shreds, but—

Cole gives the best stupid hugs in the world, and what’s Jay gonna do, deny such instant love and comfort? The risk of hurting Cole’s feelings far outweighs Jay’s tattered dignity, he tells himself. That’s why he clings to Cole like an overgrown barnacle and wails into his shoulder like a broken faucet. That’s the only reason, obviously.

“It’s okay to cry, you big moron,” Cole says after he’s calmed down, briefly squeezing tighter. “I get it. But you really should read more than the first lines of that thing. I think…I think it’ll help.”

“This is all I’ve got, though,” Jay sniffles. “I don’t — I lost any other connection I’ve got to him.”

“Sometimes you just gotta work with what you have,” Cole says gently, a little bitter, a little sweet. “And somehow, you have to make it enough.”

Jay pauses at that, thinking back to the statue miles and miles beneath a mountain, the delicate locket Cole had turned over in his fingers. He looks back to the letter in his hands, the lines and lines of all the words his father left for him, and remembers Lloyd’s words about knowing.

His fingers tighten on the edges of his letter. Jay, he decides, is done being scared. He’s got Cole at his side — what’s he got to be afraid of, anyways?

“Okay,” he says, swiping once more at his eyes, and giving Cole a watery smile. “Okay. Help me read through the whole thing?”

“I wore my old sweatshirt for a reason,” Cole replies, making a show of wringing his sleeve out. Jay whacks him with the envelope, but the laugh he shudders out feels real, this time. He gently spreads the letter out atop his lap, focusing on the words again.

It’ll be enough. It’ll sting, but…it’ll be enough.

Like Lloyd’s tattered photograph, like Cole’s mother’s last words — it has to be.