#the only thing keeping the depression from being too much for my meds is the simmering RAGE that is in the way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sibillascribbles08 · 8 months

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Man I've written 26 fics for rise, that's insane, anyway here's a master post, sort of? I realized some people either A) may not know how many different fics I've written or B) not realized "oh he wrote that" sooo

One Shots

Don't You Care? – Donnie and Leo centric, post-movie. Donnie isn't always great with feelings, and when he fails to understand Leo's, he tries to find a way to fix it. Doing so forces him to unpack some of his own thoughts on their victory over the kraang as well.

To Bridge a Canyon of your Own Design – Splinter centric, post-movie, a bit of a retrospective on his relationship with his sons, his depression, and him trying to move away from his unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I Didn't Vote for You – Leo's the leader now, and Donnie always finds ways to argue with him about it. Leo wants to find out why Donnie has such a problem with how he's trying to lead the team, but it turns out that isn't the problem. It's simply the fact that Leo's the leader at all.

I'd Give Anything – Donnie-centric. A slightly alternate take on the movie's ending where instead of just firing a drill into the portal, Donnie jumped in, and ends up losing an arm in the process. But he has to kind of piece all of that together as he recovers in the med bay, talking to each of his family members.

Grappling With Things Beyond Your Control – Gift fic for my friend Bat! Donnie-centric, post season 2. Suddenly getting ninpo with no prior training causes Donnie's powers to start to run amok, and on top of that he has to help his family not only find a new home but move into one. It's a lot to balance, maybe too much to balance.

Four Turtles in your Corner (Store) – A silly fic about April being out of supplies for her period, and in desperation sends the boys to go get her some. I'm sure four reptilian mutants have competent knowledge on what humans need for things like this.

Now Lie In It – Big Bang fic! Takes place during season 2. Leo won't sleep, and ends up getting on Donnie's nerves. The softshell's solution to the problem is a simple sleep potion, but when he pours too much into Leo's tea his brother won't wake up. Time to force April and Draxum to go find an antidote while he hides his mistake from the rest of his family. (it sounds angsty but it's comedic, actually)

What Will You Leave Behind – Big Bang fic! Doomed timeline, Raph centric. Raph is the first of his siblings to die during the war. And while he does everything he can to be their ever present pillar as they eventually follow after, he can't help but loathe the fact that the ones still down there are suffering and he can't do anything to help.

My Words Died With You – Gift fic for Bat! Doomed timeline, Donnie centric. Donnie quit speaking when Raphael died, months later he still isn't. His family tries to help him cope with this, even Raphael does from the afterlife, but it may not be enough.

VHHB series

(These are all post-movie)

My Roommate the Troubled Time Traveler – Casey and Draxum centric. Casey Jones Jr. isn't coping too great with being in the present, and trying to live in the lair isn't helping. So Mikey has the GREAT idea to convince Draxum to let Casey be his roommate. The alchemist thinks this is a terrible idea, but he might be able to help the kid far more than he realizes.

Violet Hues and Holly Blue – Donnie centric. 8 months after the kraang invasion and Donnie's been the reigning champ in the Battle Nexus for a while, in his attempts to improve his mystic abilities. But this draws the attention of a business focused wasp named Holly Blue who offers to help sell his tech designs in the Hidden City. Donnie ends up agreeing, having to keep that secret from his family too, but eventually they're going to find out. (This is only a partial summary haha sorry, fic is heckin long)

Missing Pages – Just some VHHB extras, but hey it features Big Mama being herself, Lou Jitsu maiming some people, Donnie dealing with past blood on his hands and uuuuh Leo and Holly becoming friends (what a mood whiplash)

You Are Loved – Two-shot fic about the Caseys (of the Senior and Junior variety). Casey Jr. wants to know why his ninpo sprung up so suddenly, and in his search to find out discovers his family is much closer than he realizes. Meanwhile Cassandra is struggling with her place among the Hamatos, it doesn't help when she finds out they're keeping a pretty big secret from her. Hopefully they can make it up to her.

The Sun and Icarus – Mikey-centric. He's been doing pretty good at developing his mystic abilities lately, but now they're starting to explode, pretty violently. And it turns out if this keeps up the whole ordeal could just kill him. Better find a way to put a cap on it, or something to that effect. (Wow more power overloading fics from ME)

Girls' Night – April centric one shot, also April/Sunita. She's just trying to have a fun night out with the girls, inviting Holly Blue along for the ride, but maybe that was a mistake because in her attempts to playfully tease the wasp, she's suddenly forced to confront her own crush.

And For my Next Trick – Leo-centric one shot. Leo's getting frustrated with his lack of progress on his mystic powers, and with Hueso's advice decides to shift his focus to a different kind of magic, stage magic. With Hueso Jr.'s help, he plans to put on an entire show, which should be fine if some other magician doesn't show up to steal the show.

Look Up Hero in the Dictionary – Raph centric. Raph's feeling a bit too idle in the city lately, with only minor crimes going on, but in his wish for something exciting a strange explosion happens at an apartment building. He attempts to help everyone escape, but a yokai holding the building together stays behind, and on top of that charges Raph with the task to take care of her child. Have fun taking care of a powerful psychic seven-year old, Raph.

What You're Made Of - Casey Jr. centric. Casey is getting frustrated with discovering weird things about his body like skin problems and peanut allergies. Draxum suggests he find out who his other parent is to get an idea of his genetic history, but when he finds out who it is, he's kind of ticked off that his family never told him. (this is a bio dad Raph fic for the record).

Off Colors AU (Separated AU)

Off Colors: Contrasts - Covers season 1. Leonardo's spent most of his life believing he's an only child because his little brother was kidnapped when they were only toddlers. But a rescue mission to the Hidden City with his best friend April results in him finding out he actually has three siblings. And in the span of a couple of weeks he finds out all of them are alive and, unfortunately, working for bad guys. He's going to try everything he can to stop them and convince them to come home, but it may be a fools errand.

Other Chaptered Fics

An Alien Invasion Happened but That's Not Really What This is About - Long ass title. Jason-centric. Hi I wrote a novella sized fic about what happens to this kid during and after the events of the movie. Watch him attempt badly to cope with trauma while also fixing his relationship with his very queer dad who loves him a lot.

Artificial Phoenix – Lou Jitsu died in the arena but then Big Mama said no no no! So Draxum brings him back to life while mutating four turtles so Lou Jitsu said NO NO NO! And he took them and ran. Alternate take on the events of the show, where Splinter is undead and unmutated, and unfortunately does not keep his soul in his body the entire time, leaving his sons grieving and desperate to get him back.

Jasonnie things

Not Part of the Plan – Donnie centric. Despite knowing time travel exists, Donnie is still surprised to find his future self in his lab. But his excitement at the possibilities is swiftly crushed as his future self has an easy time embarrassing him. He hopes he can at least gather some useful information in the process, but he slowly begins to wonder if he even wants answers to all these questions.

You Have to Let Him Go – Donnie centric also sad as hell. I literally just wanted to write about how Donnie's husband hecking dies. Read this if you want to be miserable. (or if you hate Jase I guess ??? alskdjf man got char grilled (I have to make jokes to keep myself from being upset shh))

I'll Put the Knife in Your Hand – Well, now that Donnie heard about his possible future husband, he's determined to at least get to know the guy. Unfortunately his family is far more cautious about this than he seems to be. AKA Four times Donnie's family believes Jase is planning to stab him in the back, and the one time he actually does.

ERR_FILE_NOT_FOUND - Donnie is messing around with his mind machine again, and in the process ends up erasing part of his memory. Specifically the memories about Jase, and Jase is barely handling this well. Good thing Donnie's brothers who totally and absolutely are on good terms with Jase are there to help. Maybe.

Dual Dragons - Collab fic with @there-wolf ! A fic in which our versions of Jason end up encountering each other and even switching universes temporarily, giving them a window into how their life could be different (for better or worse).

#scribs speaks #scribbly fics #long post #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #aw jeez this got long oops #and there will be more #uh oh #just take this for now #the difference in interaction on some of these was getting to me again #but I realize so much stuff can end up under the radar sooo #if you like some of my fics check out some of the others #with more condensed summaries

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aylacavebear · 30 days

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The Curse That Changed Your Life - Part 2 Chapter 6

With the witch taken care of, your hopes of being human gone, and dealing with sensations and emotions you hadn't before, life didn't seem like it was going to get much better. How would he look at you in the morning after what you'd said to him? What would you do after this? What would the next month hold, and how much like a cat were you? There were far too many questions you didn't have answers to and didn't want to ask. Would you find any answers in the month to come? Only time would tell.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 4774

Warnings: Charlie being a good friend, Dealing with cycle, reader being hard on herself, Fluff, Dean being a Sweetheart. Not really much for this one.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 6

Over the next couple of days, Charlie visited you often, bringing you meals which mostly consisted of red meat or chicken. She did include some of that healthy stuff that you didn’t like very much but ate it anyway. At least she would let you have some sweets, although not much. Charlie also made sure to bring you meds to keep the pain at a dull roar with the help of the heating pad. Eileen didn’t visit often, knowing that there was a possibility that you might smell Sam on her, so she kept her distance.

On day three, you got a text from Dean, which surprised you, but it made you smile a tiny bit.

“Hey Sweetheart, feeling any better?”

“Still crampy, and the pills Charlie gives me make me sleepy. I’m craving bacon right now, but Charlie says it’s not a meal.”

“I’ll cook some up for you, make her take it to you.”

You had to chuckle at that, and you couldn’t help the smile his words brought. At least he was talking to you, even if it was through texts.

“You made my mouth water. Let me know if she caves. I’m really hungry now.”

“I will. She’ll cave, promise.”

You pictured him smirking, sitting in the library or kitchen, leaning his arms on the table as he texted you. The heating pad on your abdomen clicked off, as it tended to do after a couple of hours or if it got to the temperature. Sighing, you flipped it over and turned it back on, glancing down at your phone.

Why does it hurt when I talk to him, or think about him?

It was a question you’d been wondering about for longer than your cycle, and the fog of the first day hadn’t helped. The meds weren’t helping either.

“Can we talk, after you cook?”

You sent the text before you could decide against it.

“Sure.”

For a minute, you just stared at his response, then turned your phone off, forgetting what you’d asked about the bacon. At the moment, your thoughts were of Dean and how things had gone between the two of you over the last couple of months since that night at the club. It had been a rollercoaster for sure, and you weren’t surprised you felt depressed. The downside of thinking about it all, the cramps only got worse. You hated how they were tied to your emotional state since the curse.

Within about thirty minutes, there was a very annoyed-looking Charlie standing in your doorway with a plate full of bacon, probably an entire package worth. For the first time in what felt like weeks, you couldn’t help but chuckle, almost laugh at her expression.

“I am not happy about this. Bacon is not a meal,” she told you, fairly annoyed as she sat down on the bed next to you, holding the plate out of your reach.

“Come on, I was craving it,” you begged, attempting to reach for the plate, even though you knew with how your cramps were, there was no way you’d get it. You were just hoping that, looking as pitiful as you did, she’d just give in.

Charlie rolled her eyes before handing over the plate, groaning, “You’re lucky I find you cute when you pout, and that you’re family.”

“Thanks, Charlie,” you replied with a mouthful of bacon, purring again at the way it made every tastebud melt into bliss.

“You’re welcome,” she half whined, half smiled, seeing how happy you were, even if it was due to the bacon.

Dean was indeed a fantastic cook. You’d told him that before, but there was something different with the food during this cycle, and you weren’t quite able to put your finger on what. Charlie couldn’t sit there and watch you eat nothing but bacon, so she went back out, to where you weren’t sure.

Halfway through the plate, you picked up your phone after licking your fingers clean and sent a thank-you text to Dean. You’d finally managed to find a mostly comfortable position, half laying on your side and half propped up on the several pillows that were on the bed. With your phone on the bed next to your plate, and the heating pad on your abdomen, you began relaxing.

“Glad you enjoyed it. Charlie put up a good argument, but, I won.”

You giggled, picturing that winning smirk on him as he typed that. “You made my night.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

For a moment, you just stared at his question, wondering if it was even worth bringing up during your cycle.

“I wish we could talk face to face.”

“I’d suggest a video call, but Charlie said this is the only way I’m allowed to talk to you.”

A pout found its way to your lips, and you quickly made it go away with another bite of bacon. “Should I still keep my distance, after my cycle?” It was the best way to ask what had been running through your mind, but you weren’t prepared for his answer.

“Things will be different after your cycle. You’ll see. I’m not supposed to tell you anything, though. Charlie swore me to secrecy.”

“Not fair…” you grumbled out loud, pouting again. Stupid hormones.

“Fine. I guess I’ll just have to wait, then. I’m bored, though, and I don’t want to watch another movie or sleep. I know Charlie is gonna bring me more meds soon, and I’m gonna fall asleep. I hate sleeping so much.”

“You need the sleep. I’m glad the meds are helping. It just means you’ll feel better after your cycle is over.”

Too bad there's no inflection on tone in text. I wonder why I’m not allowed to see him.

“Fine. I hate being treated like a five-year-old, or like I can’t take care of myself.”

“Everyone cares about you. You’re family now. Let us take care of you. We wouldn’t do it if we didn’t care.”

You grumbled a little at that and tried really hard not to let it bother you, but in a way, it did. It was all hormone issues, though. If it had been any other time, you would have understood what he meant.

“Thanks again for the bacon. I guess we can always chat again sometime.”

“Get some rest, Sweetheart.”

After that last text from him, you turned your phone off and then went back to the bacon, which was nearly gone now. The cramps were getting stronger again, making you shift positions, as that one was no longer comfortable. But now, nothing was comfortable. There were four slices left on the plate, but you couldn’t eat with how the cramps were getting, so you pushed it to the far side of the bed. Just when you were about to lay down all the way to curl into a ball, Charlie showed up, meds in hand, with more water. You quickly took the pills, squirming slightly in pain as you tried to lie down on your side. Charlie knew there was nothing she could do to help, so she just tucked the blankets around you.

You whimpered as the cramps sent waves of sharp pains from your abdomen up and down your body, feeling as though they hit every nerve and muscle along the way. Tears slipped from your eyes of their own accord as your body shook a little.

For some reason, the meds began working faster than you thought they should, but that was when you realized Cas was in your room, his first two fingers on your forehead, and a light warmth spread through your body. Then, everything went dark.

—--------------

When you woke up, you had no idea what time it was or what day it was, but you did notice the cramps were gone, and your brain didn’t feel so foggy. The heating pad was on the opposite side of the bed, and you were under the blankets. Turning toward the nightstand, you found your phone.

I slept for two days?

You set your phone back down and turned on the light, groaning as you sat up. Your entire body was sore, and you desperately wanted a shower. Grabbing the set of clothes off the desk, you forced your body to the bathroom. It wasn’t nearly as bad or as sore as last time, but every muscle still hurt.

The shower helped, but you didn’t want to crawl back into that bed. As you made your way back over to the bed, you grabbed your phone, choosing to sit on the side of the bed that had been left entirely untouched. Then, texted Charlie. Although, you were surprised that she hadn’t shown up at your room yet.

“I’m up and showered, but I don’t want to walk to my room alone.”

It was after ten, so you figured she and the others were or at least had to be awake. Just as you were about to wonder if they were even home, your phone went off.

“Be right there.”

You smiled a little and turned your phone off, trying to remember everything that had happened over the last almost week. Charlie had said so much to you, but half of it was still lost in the fog that was now gone. Your cycle was the one main thing you hated the most since the curse.

“Hey. Feeling better?” Charlie asked, popping into the room.

“Mostly. I don’t remember a whole lot, though,” you answered, looking up at her.

“Well, you look better at least. I kept you mostly drugged for the pain, but Cas had to put you to sleep two days ago. The meds stopped working,” she explained, sitting next to you.

The day I talked to Dean…

“I’m blaming it on eating bacon as a meal with nothing else with it. Nothing else was different that I can think of,” she added.

“I, uh, I talked to Dean, through text. I hadn’t done that before then,” you told her, quietly, almost feeling guilty for it.

“That explains a lot. Okay,” she said as if all the pieces clicked into place for her, but you were still mostly clueless. “I’ll walk with you back to your room if you want. Then me and Eileen will take care of the stuff in here.”

“I kinda was hoping to move around a little more. I feel sore, mostly from being in bed for as long as I was,” you explained, but also felt almost anxious about being around all of them again.

“We can do that,” she told you with that sunshine smile she always seemed to have. Then she sent a quick text to someone before standing up, waiting for you.

You gave her a small smile, getting yourself up. The walk out to the library was rough and slow going, but Charlie never left your side. She even let you lean on her a few times when the wall wasn’t enough. You missed being able to pace and wander when you had your cycles, but here, that was a little impossible.

By the time you reached the war room, your muscles didn’t feel nearly as sore, and they didn’t hurt as much as they had been. There was an aroma in the air, and it smelled delicious. Charlie couldn’t hide the smile as you made it into the library.

The other four were standing there, looking happy and nervous, but at least you didn’t feel alone in that regard. “We talked, a lot over the last few days. You’re family, and we want you to feel that way,” Charlie told you, giving you a hug.

“Thanks, this means a lot to me,” you whispered to her, returning the hug.

One by one, they each came over to you and hugged you. Sam and Eileen said you were like a little sister to them, which you found endearing. When Cas hugged you, he said he loved how much like a cat you were, but also that he liked your personality. You couldn’t help but laugh a little at that one.

Dean waited till last, and he looked the most nervous as he approached you. The others slowly moved into the library, leaving the two of you in the archway. He gently wrapped his arms around you and held you close.

“I’m sorry, for being so stupid before. If- if you can forgive me, I’d still like to go out with you,” he whispered as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

What the hell happened during my cycle?

You wanted to instantly just say yes, but you also wanted more information. Something clearly happened that you weren’t aware of. You nibbled on your bottom lip as you thought about what he said.

Fuck it. Why not. What could possibly go wrong by going out with him?

“We can at least try it and see how it goes,” you replied quietly, feeling somewhat unsure of how different things felt.

Dean gave you a gentle squeeze before setting his hand on your lower back and leading you over to one of the library tables. They all looked like they were in a good mood, at least, and you realized that the sweet smell was a candle on the table. As you sat down, he sat next to you. Everything felt so… odd.

“Since you’re up and moving around, I’m guessing the fog is gone,” Charlie began, to which you nodded, so she continued. “I did some research on cats. Cas also took a peak at your anatomy to help out with things. You’re a lot more cat-like on the inside than even you probably know.”

You weren’t quite sure what to think. On the one hand, you were appreciative, but on the other, you wondered what the details were. “Could I possibly have some coffee? This is, a lot,” you asked, keeping your emotions in check as best you could. At least your hormones were finally leveling back out.

Dean reached over and gently began rubbing your back while Cas went to the kitchen. Something about the contact from Dean was comforting, on more than just that regular human level. Cas returned, setting a cup of hot, steaming coffee in front of you before returning to his seat.

As you sipped it, Charlie continued, “So, there are all sorts of scientific mumbo jumbo terms that you probably wouldn’t understand at the moment. I’ll try to keep it simple without dredging up too much. Depression in cats causes all sorts of problems. We all know how sad you got when we found out we couldn’t break the curse. Add how you felt about, well, all of us, in different ways, and you had almost all the symptoms cats get when they’re depressed.”

You tilted your head a bit, fairly curious at this point. It was something you hadn’t ever considered might affect you. You also weren’t aware that animals went through those sorts of things, never having pets growing up or as an adult.

“Cats tend to pick their families. You chose us. I know that sounds weird with how things happened, but it’s just how the cat part of you is wired. Since we didn’t know how cat-like you really are, we didn’t know the little things you needed from us,” Charlie explained, seeing your mild confusion and curiosity.

The longer Charlie spoke, things were somewhat making sense. You had done a lot of research on cats but had ignored a lot as well. Dean kept rubbing your back gently, and you found yourself relaxing as your tail began swaying lazily to your side.

Sam cleared his throat, causing you to look over at him, “We want to include you in things, if you want to stay here. None of us want to see you go back to doing something you don’t want to. So, if you’re up for it, we want to teach you about hunting.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised.

“Yup. And I’ll teach you some hand-to-hand stuff,” Dean added with a smirk you knew meant he was looking forward to it.

You couldn’t help the small smile that played along your lips. Family wasn’t something you’d had in a long time. “Now for the part you might feel weird about,” Charlie pipped in, pulling your attention to her. “Your cycles. I did drug you. It was mostly to let you sleep through this cycle while I figured other stuff out. When you told me that you had only texted with Dean, all the pieces made sense. This might sound weird, but, well, he’s your human.”

Your face went blank as you stared at her. It was something you’d read about: cats choosing their person. A light blush also found its way to your cheeks. It did explain a lot as to why Dean staying away from you had bothered you so much. Part of you also felt bad for it.

Looking away from Charlie and down at your cup as your ears drooped a little, you mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Dean wasted no time, pulling you closer to him and nuzzling his cheek just behind your ear, “Would you stop apologizing already,” he told you, somewhat playfully.

The contact surprised you, but it also comforted you in a way you hadn’t felt before. Relief washed through you as you let your body lean into his.

“As long as Dean doesn’t do something stupid,” Charlie continued, giving Dean a warning glare, “you’ll be okay. You also need to be eating more red meat and chicken or some other sort of bird. It’s a high-protein diet. I would add fish, too, if you aren’t allergic to it. Your system was out of whack. That was also making your cycles harder. You and Dean have at least three weeks to figure things out. On your next cycle, it’ll just be the two of you here in the bunker.”

That one made your blush so deep, you swore you were the color of a tomato. When Dean chuckled, you felt it rumble from deep in his chest. “I promise, I won’t hurt you, not on purpose,” he whispered, and you could hear the soft smile in his words.

“Thanks, just nervous, I guess,” you mumbled.

“With all that out of the way,” Charlied piped in again, causing you to pull away from Dean so you could see her better. “Your cat side needs more physical contact. You’ve starved it since the curse happened, and that’s another reason your cycles were so bad, your emotions were all over the place, and your hormone levels are, or at least were, way off. Cas also healed you, but you have to keep up on things.”

Sometimes you just loved listening to her talk with how expressive she was. It was like when she talked, she put everything into it. What she said made sense. You had pushed a lot away since the curse, and being around them had brought a lot out that you weren’t prepared for. You’d dealt with the curse and, recently, the fact that it couldn’t be broken. Now, it was time to deal with all of what you were. Which was apparently far more cat-like than you ever considered.

Dean kept contact with you; right now, it was his hand on your lower back, rubbing gentle circles against your shirt with his thumb. Charlie’s words helped put other pieces into place. Cas had healed you, completely. That was why things felt different. Your body chemistry was finally like it was supposed to be, which it never had been before.

“We typically aren’t physically affectionate people,” Sam added with a softness you weren’t used to, “but we can work on that. If you need a hug, don’t feel like you need to ask. That’s all I’m saying. Just keep all that other stuff to you and Dean.”

The last part made you giggle a little, something you hadn’t done in what felt like far too long. “Thanks. I can’t say that enough, to all of you,” it was really all you could say. “Come on, I’ll get you something to eat,” Dean told you, kissing the top of your head before he headed in that direction.

You hadn’t even thought about food, not with everything Charlie had been talking about, even if she had brought up meat, and bacon. Curiously, you grabbed your cup and followed Dean while the others did their best not to snicker as you walked away. Your ears and tail twitched with a curiosity that you hadn’t felt before, not like this anyway. Sure, you got curious in the past, but this felt different; everything did.

Dean was already standing at the stove, heating a pan. You filled your cup again before hoisting yourself up on the island to watch him. Yes, you enjoyed sitting on surfaces that weren’t technically meant for sitting. Although, you weren’t sure if that was a cat thing or just a weird human thing. You did make sure to keep your tail on the left side of your body since Dean was also using part of the island for cooking items.

For a while, neither of you spoke. You just watched him cook, gently swaying your feet. The food did smell amazing, and just when he turned to look at you, you were licking your lips.

“Smell good?” he asked with an amused smirk.

“Let’s just say I didn’t realize I was hungry till I smelled it,” you replied, smiling happily. “Yes, it does smell good,” you decided to add, not wanting him to feel as though you didn’t want to actually answer him.

“You know, you really are adorable,” he chuckled, shaking his head slightly in amusement as he went back to cooking.

Your ears twitched with your tail, giving away just how good you were feeling and how good his words made you feel. It wasn’t like you could hide that sort of thing. “And you’re sweet,” you told him, and you were fairly surprised at how easily it was to feel as relaxed as you were. “Be right back,” you quickly stated, then hopped off the island.

Heading back to the library, you found Cas and hugged him, even though he was sitting down. “I can’t thank you enough, Cas. I don’t think I ever felt this good after I got cursed.” Then, you went over and hugged Charlie, now purring. “You too. Thank you, Charlie, for caring like you did, and do.”

Charlie actually blushed, but she returned the hug. Cas was still somewhat confused but smiling nonetheless. Feeling better now that you had thanked them again, you went back into the kitchen. You somehow just knew that it was those two who had done most of the work. You slid onto one of the seats at the table, just watching Dean again. You rested your head in your palms as your elbows were on the table.

Dean plated the steak, eggs, and toast and brought it over to you, sitting down across from you. “Hope you’re hungry,” he smirked.

Licking your lips at the meal before you, “Starving.”

He chuckled at your response but sat there while you ate. You hadn’t ever looked this happy, relaxed, and playful since you’d moved in. He didn’t want to hope, but seeing you now, that hope grew within him. Charlie had given him quite the earful the day before your cycle started, and she was far harder on him than he’d ever been on himself. You were more than a person, you were also a lot like a cat. She had explained that a relationship with a person is different. Break-ups can be healed, and people can move on. When it comes to animals, though, the moving on part doesn’t always happen, and that some animals can die from depression. Dean realized quickly, thanks to Charlie, that not being with you would be far more harmful than if he chose to be, and that was just with the living situation.

He was lost in his thoughts, watching you and figuring out just what came next for the two of you. Dean had already gone through the range of things in his thoughts. Everything from slow and gentle to fucking the brat out of you, and he was still struggling with how to even pursue a first real kiss with you at the moment.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” you asked, mouthful of a bite of steak and egg, without looking up at him.

“What makes you think I’m thinking about anything?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, fairly curious at this point.

“Your scent changes,” you replied, then swallowed the bite in your mouth, looking up at him.

Dean blushed, but attempted to smirk and recover, “Good change or bad change?”

“Depends. What were you thinking about?” you replied, this time tilting your head, just a bit, curiously.

“Kissing you,” he answered, his smirk turning to more of a smile.

“Then it would be a good change, and now I know,” you giggled, going back to your meal.

His entire expression went to utter confusion for a moment due to your response. You didn’t say anything about him wanting to kiss you, just that the scent he gave off was good. He made a mental note to ask Charlie about that later since she’d become somewhat of an expert.

You were able to think back on other times he had that scent, and it definitely made sense. Now, at least, you knew what the change meant. It was hard to focus, though. Between the delicious meal he’d made you and the scent coming off of him, your mind was thinking about all sorts of things.

I wonder if that scent gets stronger if he thinks more intimate thoughts?

It was more curiosity than anything at this point. Popping the last bite of steak in your mouth, you purred, smiling happily.

“I love it when you do that,” Dean chuckled, taking your plate to the sink and beginning to clean up.

That wouldn’t do for you, though, so quickly got to your feet, and got between him and the sink before he could make it there. You looked up at him, wishing you could truly express what you felt, but couldn’t find the words.

“You cooked. I can clean up,” you told him sincerely. It was the only thing you could think of, other than how close the two of you were, again.

Dean leaned a little closer, sliding the plate into the sink behind you, then set his hands on your hips, “You’re quicker than you look.”

“That? That was nothing,” you replied, but the moment you looked into his eyes, your lips parted, and your mind went blank. You’d wanted to say something else, but for the life of you, whatever it was, it was gone with how he was looking at you.

He licked his lips, and your eyes caught the movement, now watching his tongue slide between his lips before it disappeared behind them again. Slowly, you looked back up into those beautiful green eyes of his, and you could have sworn they were a shade darker.

Your entire body went through anticipation of what he’d do next, of the what if he kissed you.

Does he even know what he does to me when he looks at me like that? Yeah, probably.

The moment you opened your mouth to say something else, he leaned down and placed those wonderful, plump, soft pink lips of his against yours. He reached one of his hands up, gently holding your cheek. It almost felt like a dream, but your body made it clear that it was anything but.

It was slow and intimate, and you had no control over the purring it brought on. You felt Dean smirk against your lips as he deepened the kiss, ever so slightly. Those sweet butterfly kisses you had dreamed about. Everything but the two of you was nonexistent the moment he slipped his tongue between your lips, which you let him, inhaling deeply and pressing your body closer to his.

If it wasn’t for Cas just showing up in the kitchen, you weren’t sure how long that kiss would have lasted.

“Damnit, Cas, we talked about this,” Dean growled, annoyed, making you giggle as you calmed your breathing.

“Sorry, Dean, but we have a problem. Let me take her to her room,” Cas said in a way that made your heart pound harder against your chest.

----------------------------------------- A/N: Part 3 is on hold for now while I try to finish Soulmates. I hope I can get back to this one and get part 3 written and up for you guys.

Series Master List Part 1 Master List Part 2 Master List Past 3 Master List (On Hold) Main Master List

A/N: As always, if you'd like to be tagged, let me know in a comment. And if I missed your request to be tagged, please let me know. I know not everyone is interested in everything an author writes, so don't mind doing different tag lists for each piece of writing. I just get a lot of requests sometimes.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @zaratahir @jc-winchester @suckitands33 @n-o-p-e-never

@nancymcl @deans-spinster-witch @kindollss @flamencodiva @reignsboy19

@stillhere197 @kr804573 @hobby27 @megs-gadom

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theresivy · 4 months

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PLEASE HELP: SIGNAL B*OST, D*NATE, OR C*MMISSION ME!!

Listed below are the TL;DR, How to Help, and Full story/Context. I’m sorry I had to resort to this but i have no other choice.

TL;DR version

Please help a mentally disabled fan artist’s family to pay for medical debts for c*ncer, insulin, maintenance meds (for depression, anxiety, etc), and cat food

How to Help

D*nations!!! - I only have P*yPal (also thru K*-fi) and GC*sh! Please dm me for the link or QR code

C*mmission me!!! - I really hate asking for help with nothing to give in return, so preferably please c*mmission me. I havent updated my new set of c*mmission sheet samples BUT heres a short, quick version attached on my post as a pic.

B*y my let-go collection of merchandise!!! (PH-based only please and sorry) - In order to try and make up for the em*tional ab*se me and my mom have to go thru on a daily basis just by living with dad, I ended up in a downward spiral and tried to buy things impulsively since 2020. So, now, we’re paying the price and I have been deeply regretting it ever since. So, plsase please please help buy my palugi (selling for a loss) let-go merchandise, theyre mostly official and am selling for a loss, we badly need the space and especially the funds. Weve only sold less than a half of my stock and it doesnt help that my dad keeps mocking me about it.

Share and S*gnal boost!!! - Tumblr is the only site where i have somewhat of an audience. Please please please help reblog, share, and signal boost.

Full Story/Context

Hi, I’m Theresivy (Teh-reese-ivy), I have been depressed and mentally impaired (among other things) who draws art as a multifandom self-taught fan artist, As of 2020 my mom’s tumor has turned into cancer that has only been given medical attention to in 2022 onwards. And as of then, i have indefinitely become a N,E.E.T for my mom and our finance’s sake while being there by her side. As of now she has gone through FOUR surgeries because more and more unexpected complications keep popping up. She doesnt deserve this, why couldnt it have been me,

We live with my emotionally abusive and manipulative dad (her husband) and our two fur daughters Pancake and Waffles (of which my cats and mom mean more than the world to me) while being forced to live in one of the countless apartment complexes my equally abuse maternal uncle (and his wife, my maternal A-I-L) as we have no other choice. And as such, my dad has been kissing their asses since we were forced to move here more than five years ago.

Both my uncle and my A-I-L took it upon themselves to become the defacto head of my maternal family ever since my maternal grandmother passed just because he became rich thru the means of evil entrepreneur practices. We cant do anything lest we want to get kicked and live on the streets. He is a real-life mastermind as he is always a few steps ahead of us, even making it so that his eldest daughter became his perfect pawn of being his personal lawyer. He always has connections and to them we are merely insects.

My parents and the rest of our family dont really see “artist” as anything that could get money rolling in (and day by day my failed attemptes have been proving them right), and on top of that, they see me being depressed and such as being the “freeloading couch potato”. So they keep bringing up how much of a failure I am. Weve been living in such toxic conditions that my mom has developed this sort of stockholm syndrome type relationship with my dad, and her younger brother (my uncle), and his wife (my A-I-L, her S-I-L). At first i thought i could try and save mom but shes too far gone that she strictly forbids me from fending for myself whenever either of the three try to berate me and drive me to tears and breaking down for the fifth time every week.

All i wish now is to be able to pay back at least some of the debt, for my mom and my fur daughters’ sake, and hopefully my own. I have been in a downwards spiral ever since i have been tolerating being the “odd one out” kid from school. in general, and even in the family, its been literal years and my entire life, im tired of being used and tossed to the side, im tired of being the punching bag of a cosmic joke, and im tired of my disabilities. im tired of being useless to the people i care for the most. so please. help us.

My wish now is to be able to help mom and our fur daughters move away from our domestic ab*sers. everything is an endless spiral of dead ends and im sick of it. ive been self sabotaging for years but a small part of me still has hope, please. i dont want to believe that this is where it ends for us. in this world of darkness and cruelty that spits on our faces, only my mom and our fur daughters have shown me the smallest glimpse of happiness. and even then ive failed them by becoming a barely functioning patient of depression. so, please, dont take my sunshines away.

#signal boost #art ph #commissions #artists on tumblr #my art #theresivysart #paypal #gcash #mutual aid #emergency commissions #art commissions #commissions open #open commissions

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turtletaubwrites · 1 month

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Turtletaub Blog, WIP, & Health Update

I wanted to put this out there so no one freaks out! My daily queue is going to run out in a few days. I initially used the queue for my adhd, so I wouldn’t spam you for three weeks and then forget to reblog things for months, and I didn’t tag it before since I was on here everyday. Now that it’s going to run out, I’ll be adding to it and I’ll tag it as #turtlequeb

Things have still been unfun over here lately, but I’m okay, and health things are hopefully looking up. There's a health/life update/ramble below the cut if you're interested.

Part 32 is almost done, and I’m going bonkers waiting for y’all to read it. The current life situations have taken up a lot of my free time and energy, but it’s soo close! 😭

I’m also working on a brief dossier for our suitors since I’ve done way too much research on these guys, and I know how hard it is to keep track of all of these characters in this giant One Piece world!

I miss y’all so much. I feel extra yucky that in my current struggles I’m having such a hard time focusing and connecting, especially since this community has helped me get through such difficult times. I’m really hoping that I can get back to the things I enjoy soon, especially interacting with my favorite internet fiends! 🥰

Health/life update below the cut: (cw health, mental health, medications, side effects, depression, bipolar disorder, doctors)

It’s wild just how much medication can help people.

Without the Lamictal that I took for three years, I have reverted into severe depression, and it has been debilitating.

It’s like I WAS an adult with full control (lol, mostly) over my mental and physical capacities, but now that I'm off the medication, I have reverted to a child, a preteen, a helpless human with no ability to regulate my own emotions, or even influence my own behaviors.

For the last three years, I was finally able to utilize my intellect, my experience, and my wisdom, while dealing with stressful situations.

Now I feel like I'm 13 again, lost, desperately clinging to distractions to keep from dying inside, from falling apart, or disappearing.

But it turns out that the whole reason for going off of the medication might have been avoided.

During these treasured three years of mental stability, I experienced symptoms that negatively impacted my physical, and mental health. I went to doctor after doctor for this unusual issue, only to be told that there was nothing to be done.

Until I finally got the referral to a specialist last week, and they immediately diagnosed the actual issue, and said that the other concern was false.

So all of this suffering could have been avoided if one of the 10+ primary care or ER doctors I've begged for help these last 3 years would have said "you know what, this is an unusual and persistent situation, why don't I refer you to a specialist," instead of "this condition you're describing is incurable, take these pills, there's nothing else we can do" (even though it is NOT NORMAL to have these issues consistently for 3 years).

The new specialist caught me dissociating after diagnosing the issue in under five minutes. When I asked about the new med they were prescribing, they apologized that I hadn't been given the opportunity to take it before.

I now have to wait 3 months on this (non psychiatric) med to see if those symptoms will be finally be helped, but now that means I have to/get to retry the mood stabilizer, or something else since Lithium, Concerta, and Hydroxyzine are clearly not enough to keep me functioning.

I fucking advocate for myself y'all, but I was misdiagnosed, and kept getting sent away in tears. Now I'm spacey, dissociated. Still too scared and hurt to hope that this new thing will help.

I'm tired.

All I want to do is write. I will literally take whatever pill lets me get back to my preferred writing schedule. Gimme.

I'm trying not to let guilt pile up about not connecting, about not being able to write like I could when I wasn't severely depressed. Logic brain and depresso brain don't mix though, and my pile of unanswered comments and unread fics here and on Ao3 have been making me sad.

But it's just because I love this lil world, and I WANT to be here. I plan to try Lamictal again, or something else in about a month since I want to give the new med some time to observe any side effects.

For now, my mood stabilizer of choice is endless reaction videos of therapists and rappers reacting to Hi Ren, The Hunger, and Chalk Outlines. Ren's music fucking gets into me when nothing else can, and I'm trying TRYING to remember the lines that sit me down when I start to spiral.

It's helping me write to see him use his pain and trauma to create absolute beauty.

This is a giant ramble, but one more thing, I swear!

When I began writing for our Numbers Girl, and even when we got into her backstory, and trauma things started coming up, I didn't think about it like this. Since I've been diagnosed and medicated for 3 years, my ability to manage most of my psychological symptoms felt amazing. Those conditions went from being disabling to manageable and it was freeing. Writing about dissociation and trauma was easy because I know it all too well, it was satisfying because I wish I had found media to relate to when I was deep in it, and it was healing, because I was on the other side of it.

Now I'm back there. I did not mean to write a reader character dealing with mental health trauma while in the middle of it myself.

Hopefully I can hop back on some meds in a few weeks, and have the physical and mental symptoms I've been struggling with ease up.

I'm a trying.

It just made me sad laugh a couple of times while writing our Numbers Girl going through it recently, because I am now right there with her instead of reaching my hand down the deep, dark hole to help her climb into the light.

But we'll get through it together, and having such wonderful, supportive people cheering on my healing and writing is incredible. I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to all of you, and how excited I am to get back into this amazing community.

Just gotta go easy. Soften. Relax.

Thank you for reading 🙏🏼

Lynna 💜✨

#turtlequeb #lynna's health updates #about lynna

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

Note

Hello hello helloooooooo! I'm not sure if I requested this already but this had been stuck in my mind for a looooooong time.

Larissa x Reader but like Larissa and Lucifer is the same person. While Reader is also a fallen angel, not as high in position like Lucifer but a fallen angel nonetheless. Then reader's disguising themselves, afraid to be caught.

But Reader couldn't handle the overwhelming feeling of being thrown out plus the physical pain of disguising themselves brought (Maybe their wings hurt so much from unused). Then Larissa notices, and comforts reader.

As always, thank you!! I hope you're having a great day, if not then that's fine. I wish you well. 💗💗

- 🦝

Broken down| H&C

*Authors note~ if this is atrocious and doesn’t make sense then I’m sorry truly but I’ve had a car accident in my practice today so I’m sore and I’m on some pretty good meds*

Trigger warnings~ none?? Homophobia?

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Lucifer can never forget the day they fell and all the physical pain it took of there wings being torn from their body, leaving them broken down and bruised. The shame they felt for not being good enough, to actually be forced down with the mortals was one of the worst things that could happen to an Angel alongside losing their wings. Thankfully they didn't take the innate shifting abilities they processed which allowed lucifer to disguise themself as Larissa Weems.

The next angel to fall was yourself, apparently gods love everyone rule didn't count to angels. No the fact you weren't attracted to men seemed to be an issue and for that you were punished in a similar way to Lucifer in the mindset of the sinners would be surrounded by his loyal followers and be corrected on your paths. However once you've fallen there's no going back so to you it seemed pointless. You could just reinvent yourself no one would have to know what happened to you now.

Upon finding Nevermore you truly felt at home. You were shown around by a perky blonde and a seemingly depressed raven haired teen. They appeared to be a couple based off the kiss the blonde gave the other teen before dashing off to a class. The tour ended at Larissa's office and you were truly feeling like you were in the right place here. What you weren't expecting was for the blonde principal to be gorgeous. Her tall yet still curvy figure had you practically drooling over your new boss.

For the first few months it was all okay, you managed to keep your disguise up and only relishing yourself from it when you knew you were alone. But that alone time decreased when you began to spend more time with Larissa due to developing a crush on the woman but it sucked to know she didn't know your secret. And if it came out how would she react to the news. You knew it wasn't frown upon on earth but you didn't want the title of fallen Angel to bother the blonde woman.

The day it came out, was the six month anniversary of your fall. Your wings were practically burnt as you fell, and today the sensations were just too much for you. Where you'd normally tuck your wings in an attempt to disguise them felt agonising for you. The irritation of the skin around the base only adding to your discomfort and reminding you of why you fell. The disgust and shame he told you that you should feel. It all made today that much more uncomfortable and unbearable for you. It was only natural you wanted to hibernate and wait the agony out. But of course your girlfriend would notice your absence.

After school hours Larissa found herself stood outside of your door, contemplating if she should enter of not, after all you could've emailed her if you needed her. She knew you knew that fact. But the muffled cry of pain from you had those thoughts abandoning her mind. The sight of you broke her heart and reminded her of when she fall too. Now adopting to be Larissa Weems that life of hers was gone, having fully transitioned the only remaining reminder was the scars where her wings once were.

"Oh y/n" she whispered approaching you carefully. "Ris it hurts I'm sorry I know I'm bad but it hurts please Ris please help make it stop then I'll leave" you mumbled out in a pained rush. "Shh darling you're not leaving it's okay. I knew what you were when you arrived. I can help darling, let me help you" she soothed gently and watched as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place in your beautiful mind. "Luci?" You whimpered causing the blonde to nod.

Tears immediately sprung into your eyes as you threw yourself into her arms. "You knew?" You sobbed and the blonde nodded. "Why do you think I fell love?" She mumbled kissing your head gently. "Because of me?" You hardly got out all choked up by the emotion. "Because of you my darling because I knew I loved you and they don't like that too much especially Samuel." The explanation made so much sense, how your Luci disappeared and didn't give any reason as to why they left you.

"Help Luci please hurts so much" you whimpered nuzzling into Larissa's body. "Luci? Or Ris?" You mumbled confused. "Luci for you my darling girl? Larissa to everyone else okay", you offered a nod of understanding and that's when you felt it. Her long slender fingers gently rubbing and soothing the base of your sore wings. A happy mewl left you at the soothing sensations she was providing. "Let them out my love."

You immediately tensed up, you knew what they looked like. "LuLu, they aren't pretty" you whispered. But with one look from her you allowed your wings to spread to their full capacity. "Oh my darling what did they do to you" Larissa gasped before running her fingers over the edges of your wings. "Lulu make it stop" you whimpered, "help me do what you did." Safe to say after a few days where the pain faded back to its usual limit you and Larissa, your Luci, made plans to fully commit you to the human life.

Word count~ 1039

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #larissa weems #larissa x reader #principal larissa weems #principal larissa weems x reader #larissa x y/n #larissa weems x reader #larissa x you #weems #weems x reader #lucifer morningstar #lucifer sandman #🦝 anon

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year

Note

WIBTA if I(26nb) stopped answering my ex (27nb) or asked them to stop messaging me?

They aren't asking to get back together. A while back, my partner dumped me bc we just weren't talking as much, were into different things, and drifted apart. Normal stuff people break up over all the time. They told me there was no hard feelings on their end, and I was the same. It was kind of a bummer but the fact that I wasn't especially upset was evidence the relationship was dead at that point.

At the time, my New Ex™️ asked if I needed space or if it would be okay to check in on me from time to time and make sure I was okay because, even though I said I was fine, they were worried about the effect this would have on my mental health. I'm clinically depressed and they were aware things had gotten pretty drastic years before we even met, but the entire time we knew each other I was stable, and even when I was low I wasn't a danger to myself. I have meds and a good therapist and a lot of practice with coping strategies, I'm good to go, I got a handle on myself before we met and I still have a handle on myself now. Obviously mental health isn't a guaranteed thing and just because I'm currently okay doesn't mean I always will be, but I have the tools to handle it when needed.

All this to say, when they asked if they could check up on my mental health, I was a little taken aback, wondering if they thought this would drive me to something extreme and if so why would they think that. I assured them that I was fine, totally stable and doing well and they had nothing to worry about, but I'd like to stay friends so sure, message me whenever you want.

I figured they'd check in on me in the immediate aftermath, which they did, but I thought that once that aftermath had passed they would go back to messaging me more conversationally, if at all. But since then, they keep doing "check in's" every few weeks to make sure I'm okay. This is not something they did when we were dating. I've been playing along because I'm the one who said it was okay, but I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about it?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive but it rubs me the wrong way that they only message me to do these check-ins, as if they think I'm going to fly off the deep end because we broke up. As if messaging me isn't having a convo with a friend but is instead some sort of wellness check they're obligated to perform. Like I said, I was taken aback to begin with by the implications of this, but now that they're still treating me like that months later, it's kind of pissing me off.

They literally just say "checking in" and nothing else, and they don't seem keen to converse otherwise. It gives me wellness check vibes which bothers me because I'm not in crisis, I've never been in crisis while they've known me, and them dumping me certainly didn't change that. I cannot emphasize enough that even when I was deep in depressive lows while we dated, it was never their job to do this sort of thing and they only started doing it after we broke up. It feels like they think I'm too weak or too unstable to actually be okay without them, even though I've repeatedly said that I'm currently thriving and to my knowledge there's no reason for them to think I'm currently a danger to myself.

Part of me wants to just start ignoring the messages but I'm worried that if this person thinks I'm so at-risk they need to keep checking on me months and months after dumping me, they might assume the worst if I just stop answering. The rest of me wants to just ask them to knock it off, but in that case I'm worried I'll come off as defensive and unreasonable, like I'm being offended over someone caring about my wellbeing, or that my frustration with this behaviour will make it come off harsher than I want it to. I don’t want to attack them for being worried about me, even if I find the degree of worry a bit insulting at this point.

My ex does not have an anxiety disorder and is not an anxious person at all. I have never threatened to do anything to myself in the time they've known me, and my reaction to the breakup was very calm and casual. I don’t know why they're acting like this, but it feels... I dunno, infantilizing? Condescending? I don’t know how exactly to describe it other than that it kind of feels like a slap in the face after the years and years of work I put into getting to this point with my mental health, none of which I needed them or even knew them for.

Would I be the asshole if I asked them to stop and was honest about why? Should I just ask them to stop and not elaborate? But then, if they ask, I don't want to lie, but maybe this is a situation where honesty isn't the best policy? Should I keep my mouth shut because they aren't actually doing anything wrong and I'm the one who said I fine with them checking on me? I was fine with it in the short-term, if a bit confused, but I never imagined it would still be going on months later.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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everydayyoulovemeless · 1 year

Note

I know you've already done Nick and DiMA, but I'd love to see some fatherly Hancock headcanons if you're up to it. If not, no worries! Thanks for keeping us fallout fans fed with your writing.

Hancock As A Dad

➼ Word Count » 0.6k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ A/N » I'm loving all these father HCs !!

A part of him doesn't think he deserves to care for someone in a fatherly way. I mean, just look at where he lives- look at his life choices, does someone like that really deserve to have that much responsibility in someone else's life?

He shelters you a lot more than you'd think. Drugs? What are drugs? Papa just has a bit of schizophrenia and needs to take his meds. He can try can play it off as much as he wants, but the only people he's fooling are the ferals down the road. He can try to shield you from certain things from the outside world, but he partakes in too much of it himself for it to really be effective.

Sure, he's an addict, but he ain't a deadbeat. Hancock's the type to show up to anything important to you. You've decided to start up a new shop in Goodneighbor? Consider him your first customer! Just bought a new gun and want to test it out in an alley? He'll be right behind you, doing his best to help you aim! He's there to support in any way he can, no matter what it is.

He's always going around telling people that you're his kid. It's just a constant flow of, "You see that one? That's my kid! :)"

Despite how he feels toward McDonough, he'd never want to send too much ill intent his way. He tones down his hatred for his brother a lot when you're around, only because he feels that he's your uncle, whether the two of you are related or not. Family's important to him, and he rather you come up with your own opinion rather than him tell you how you should feel.

Ruffles your hair whenever you do something he's proud of.

He's not overprotective by any means, but if anyone ever were to start pushing you around, he'd gladly rough 'em up for you.

He loves it when you talk about your interests with him. It makes him all fuzzy inside and helps give him better ideas on how to involve himself with those activities more often. He loves being a part of your life, especially when it involves your passions.

Most of the residents in Goodneighbor will wave and greet you by name. It holds the same energy as if a family friend were to come over for dinner.

It might be slightly ironic, and he fully understands how it might seem, but you aren't allowed to do drugs till you're at least 30. He'd hate for you to ruin your life so early. Live a little, then he might reconsider.

He'll take you out to one of the settlements and teach you to throw knives. Just something fun for the two of you to do outside. He might even tell you tales of his own childhood.

He throws the best pity parties. If you're ever feeling depressed, he'll lock the doors leading to his room, and he and Fahrenheit will do everything they can to distract you. They'll play games (mostly chess), give you a bit of alcohol, or even just sit out on the balcony and people-watch.

He's one of the most gently honest people there is. He'd never lie to you, and he sure as hell wouldn't ever want anything he says to come off as rude, so you end up with these incredibly sincere statements laced with the sweetest tone.

Hype man?? Bro is always ready to spit compliments at you whenever you need them. It's almost impossible to feel insecure with a father figure like him constantly checking in on you.

Hancock loves you to bits and wouldn't know what to do with himself if you ever disappeared from his life. He wants the best for you and would do everything he can to ensure that you're happy.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #john hancock #hancock #hancock fo4 #fo4 hancock #dad headcanons #fo4 headcanons #fallout 4 headcanons #hancock headcanons #hancock fo4 headcanons

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georgies-ftts · 6 months

Text

my thoughts and opinions on this weeks episode as someone who didn’t have time to watch last weeks episode, has never watched live american telly before and has discovered a new found hatred for your adverts. Also i swear a lot.

let’s begin

(spoilers obviously don’t be a knob)

1. he cannae be captain he’s only got two stripes on his epilette why are we focusing so much on this man

2. Bobby eyeing up that gun I like that (the acting)

3. this guy is giving me uncanny valley and i don’t like it

4. hehe dongle

5. i mean fair enough… in and out just like he said

6. Hen love of my life where the hell have you been loca

7. “and you won’t be anymore either” that’s actually dead funny to me

8. husbands that saw together survive trauma together <3

9. “everyone survived” i know foreshadowing when i see it

10. there’s a lot of drunk driver hatred (as deserved) somethings gonna occurr

11. oh he’s dead… lol karma fuckhead

12. Hen, i love you but why can noone on telly give me actual realistic CPR… break them ribs girl

13. christ these american adverts are weird

14. let me tell you advertising prescription medicine isn’t actually a normal thing to do

15. I don’t know boss man am no a dr but that’s an awful lot of blood are you sure you should still be breathing????

16. “Are you happy” “Yeah, Yeah I am” i have a feeling that’s all about to change buddy

17. just me or can anyone else not see a fucking thing that’s going on this episode why’s everyone in the dark for?

18. moving on from that i love the lighting in the office scene… chefs kiss

19. EXCUSE ME SHE WAS DOING HER JOB, NEXT YOU’LL SUSPEND HER FOR CODLING THE DRUNK DRIVER AND GIVING HIM TEA AND CHEEK KISSES PISS OFFFFF

20. Why do American comm’s systems always fail whenever you actually need them

21. They were axed to pieces. I will let you off -_- this time…

22. “I didn’t shoot him” honestly… same i hope you get yer pay out boss

23. Athena please for the love of god pop a paracetamol or a codeine and chill the fuck out

24. cause it has never been hard enough for them you just had to add a bastard bomb

25. ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES WHY MORE ADVERTS

26. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ADVERTISING TO YOUR CITIZENS

27. The Rookie ad i love it carry on

28. If he wasn’t under the influence then he was just being a cunt and hen had every right to react as such thankyou very much

29. Oh my fuck what is happening - don’t tear them apart i’ll start crying

30. Bitch you’re taking on water stop being a pussy and help

31. “Don’t test me.” Queen, you rag his arse

32. “port stabilisers are gone” surely you should be tilting like a bitch right now or did i miss a frame

33. MORE FUCKING ADVERTS????

34. why’s that lizard from london?

35. WHY ARE YOU ADVERTISING DEMENTIA MEDICATION THAT IS LITERALLY ADVERTISED ALSO AS A DEATH PILL WHAT DO YOU MEAN COMA AND DEATH THATS NOT HELPING

36. “i didn’t save him either” he quite literally refused your help despite being detained

37. didn’t get that SS Menow reference… try the Mayflower next time

38. “Saving the ship” “course she is” GIVE THEM ONE MOMENT OF PEACE PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU

39. okay good they are tilting like a bitch i will shut my mouth

40. NO STOP TILTING LIKE A BITCH I DONT CARE ABOUT REALISM I TAKE IT BACK NO

41. HOW MANY MORE ADVERTS DO YOU NEED

42. i don’t know but all your meds just seem to be doing the opposite of.. you know… keeping you alive.

43. woah therapy flash back get me one of those

44. you forgot to mention imminent death in your therapy session Mr Sir

45. “We did what we had to do” YOU’RE ALLOWED TO LIVE TOO.

46. “I couldn’t save my first family and I can’t save you either” and what if that was my last straw Robert Nash

47. ABC you can tone down the writing now i’m fucking sobbing

48. FUCK YOU AUSTRALIAN MAN I WAS CRYING MY EYES OUT

49. glad the us also have those Haribo ads

50. first time in my almost 20 years of life where i’ve seen an ADVERT for ANTIDEPRESSANTS that also actively make you MORE DEPRESSED

51. Hen i knew you were slaying you’ve never not slayed <3

52. no need for it was there mr boss man? no didn’t think so

53. You have no jurisdiction past the Gulf of Mexico??? ummmm??? distressed cruise ship full of your citizens???? idk??? do something????

54. oh. welp. no surviving that one, have fun with poseidon my loves

55. i don’t know about you but once i’ve been capsized like that in anything bigger than a kayak im giving up…

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bomberqueen17 · 7 months

Text

adderall day 1

I'm not going to have any particular deep thoughts about this, but I feel like I should write stuff down. Several people have advised that.

I still don't know how much this is going to cost me, as my insurance couldn't be verified and I'm going to have to do messy things probably to find out. But I've got the pills in my hot little hand, 16 of them, and a follow-up appointment, and perhaps by then I'll know what this is actually costing.

It seems that it varies wildly how people manage to get ADHD dx's. Many many PCPs will not diagnose it or prescribe for it. It seems extremely gatekeepy to me, and not in a helpful way. my own PCP, as I describe more and more of my struggles to get healthcare in general, is being revealed to me to be less and less of any kind of a good fit-- she just seems baffled by everything I say. She asked if I have heartburn, for example, and I said, truthfully, oh yes, if I don't eat regularly, one of the ways I realize I've gone too long is that I start to have heartburn. So I've learned to be conscientious about my eating schedule, and eat small meals and snacks at regular intervals throughout the day, and that has cleared up the problem. And this actively baffled her, she was like "i've never heard of anything like this", and I can't imagine what she thought I was saying. Does no one else in the human race ever get queasy/stomach-acidy from going too long without food? Especially eating heavily and then not eating for a long time afterward? That's the worst for me, so I avoid that. I highly doubt I am the only person ever to experience this. But she seemed convinced that I must not know what heartburn is.

That's just one example. So. If I can get my head on straight at all, I am going to start looking for a new primary care physician. I'm sure this doctor is fine, just not for me.

(She is obsessed that my fasting blood glucose levels are too high. I read an article about it, in the 2010s sometime the CDC decided that 5.7 was a new worrying number (I don't know what the units are, but 7 is what people with well-managed diabetes shoot for), and now they were going to declare this new number "pre-diabetes" and start medicating it. The WHO has refused the concept of "pre-diabetes", pointing out that about 2% of people with this number wind up developing full-blown diabetes whether medicated or not, and that's about the same number of people who develop diabetes without having had this diagnosis, so it is in fact not any kind of reliable indicator of looming diabetes, so it should be referred to as "elevated fasting blood glucose levels" and not the new fictional "pre-diabetes". But there's money in selling that medicine, so American doctors are encouraged to make this diagnosis. And my doctor has put it into my chart that she plans to start me on Metformin if this number does not go down.

I'm refusing that. Medicate me for diabetes if I develop diabetes. I can be annually screened for it just like anyone. Sure, keep an eye on it! I take this seriously. But i am not getting medicated for a condition the WHO thinks is fictional. Thanks.)

Anyway that was a digression.

I'm hoping to at least make a start on dialing in my meds with this online guy, so that when I switch PCPs I can show up with the ADHD treatment as a fait accomplit and not have the new PCP throw a fit. I might try it with the current one too-- "Idk you told me it was incredibly complicated and insurance doesn't cover it so I went to my insurance company and they sent me to this guy and it wasn't complicated at all and I'm responding super well to the treatment so I guess this is what I do now?" but I am just anticipating her throwing a fit of some kind, since she is absolutely convinced I have major depressive disorder and has been trying to get me to go back on Celexa, which did me so much no good that I cold-turkeyed off it and gave myself horrible brain zaps. Don't fucking do that guys.

(It was with this same practice! It's on there, I no-showed to an appointment because I had so little executive function I wasn't even able to keep track of it! And she's still like yah medicating u for depression is super what's going to work. ma'am i have never been suicidal but I remember being on Celexa and most of it was my shitty life situation at the time but mostly it is a gray expanse of despair and ineffectualness, and getting inexorably fatter whilst starting to develop an eating disorder about it, and getting benched by my roller derby coach despite exercising myself to constant exhaustion and performing better than I ever had on the track because she saw my spreading waistline and assumed I was slacking off, and anyway. Yeah no.)

So anyway. I'm letting myself be stream of consciousnessy because it seems right. I had a reasonable breakfast, a lot of water, some coffee, a multivitamin, and my first pill about an hour ago, and am now ensconced in the recliner with the cat because the cat insists. I have started to feel.... kind of... like my throat feels kind of dry so I'm drinking more water, and I just got a little bit not quite dizzy and am acutely aware of all my eye movements, so I guess that's notable.

OK the plan. I would like to someday be able to make to-do lists, that's a medium-term goal. Meanwhile I'm still doing narratives of how i'd like a day to go. I have fallen off that a bit; I've been trying to do not a bullet journal but a just regular day planner in this new year (i got something on clearance off amazon lol) and mostly what I've used it for is as a diary post-hoc, writing down what i got done, and making little notes of what I want to get done, because otherwise my memory wipes itself and I don't know what I did all last week either. I fell off it this week because Dude was out of town and I was off kilter. But I'm going to fill back in what I can remember-- I'm keeping track of what meals I cook, what exercise I do, things like that-- and hope to keep it up going forward.

Routine, I hope, is what will help me.

Today. It is rainy today. I didn't get some of my stuff done while Dude was gone because of course the list I made would have taken six weeks of work, that's how my lists go. But I did get a lot done, so I'm going to write all that down. And today it is rainy, so I can spend time in the basement. What I want to do is empty out all my nice baskets I use to tote craft things around, and re-fill them with more curated selections. I think one basket for like, all the sewing tools, just all of them, in one place, and then another basket that is like, all of the embroidery supplies, and then a container that is An Adequate Selection Of Thread and also machine-sewing supplies? maybe? and then Active Projects can go into a third container that may or may not travel with me. Anyway, thinking about that is a work in progress.

I need to pack for my first trip of the season to the farm. I need to put away all the supplies from painting the kitchen, because I am finally officially totally completely done with that. I need to then tidy the kitchen counter and there's a little wooden cart that used to have our coffee stuff on it and I've been using it to dump all the shit and assorted project detritus from the ongoing painting on, and I need to then move that cart somewhere once I've put away all the things on it.

That seems like a reasonable amount of things to expect to complete today. OK I need to get out from under this cat because I have to pee now. All right. She'll be fine she just wants the chair really.

Yah ok i really gotta pee and dude is in the shower so i'm going to go get dressed and dance around a little lolsob. wish me luck.

#about the author #B vs ADHD

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ssruis · 3 months

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Idk the treatment of saki’s disability by the writers just irritates me bc like (& full disclosure this is written by someone who’s chronically ill but able to live w/o major symptoms) there’s so little thought put into how her disability specifically intersects with her mental health & overall life beyond a general Inspirational Look At Her Go She Can Overcome Anything type of take.

I dislike fully articulating my thoughts but to sum it up my experience with my own chronic illness was manifestation at 18 -> horrifically managed for 2 years bc doctors/parents did not take it seriously -> in so much pain that I couldn’t really move until i was put on immunosuppressants during peak covid and I watched close friends treat me like a burden for wanting the group to take covid precautions/abandon me because I couldn’t Party Hard anymore (to the point where one friend brought me somewhere where her friend fucking had Covid and sat next to me & then she texted me the next day like whoops heehee) -> severe depression & life ruining ensued. My family had to deny a good insurance opportunity bc my RA was an existing condition & they wouldn’t pay for my meds for two years and I had the fun side effect of my mom implying it was my fault/it was a burden over it. Etc etc. I don’t want to get into the full story because it’s unfun and also lengthy but I want to provide context for why saki’s treatment bugs me.

Her not really caring about honami/shiho not visiting bugs me. I get that life gets in the way but them going (semi?) no contact is a little shitty. Being disabled & not being allowed to be upset about the treatment you receive from your loved ones because you know they don’t see it as a big deal is. So frustrating. She deserves to be upset with them for that and have a conversation about it. There’s so much pressure on people w disabilities to essentially go “yeah I am a burden it’s my fault so I’m grateful you’re even spending time with me” that’s reflected in saki’s story and never challenged.

I’m too tired to articulate the complexity of her dynamic w tsukasa but it also frustrates me that it’s only touched upon that saki feels like she inconveniences him by being sick/she thinks him going out of his way for her is a burden. I love tsukasa and I’m obsessed w how much he cares about his sister but I also think saki deserves to be frustrated with how neurotic he is about an illness that isn’t his own.

So much abt being disabled (especially for those who are more affected than I am - I want to make that clear) is being told by society that you are a burden for needing accommodations/costing your family money/struggling with things able bodied people can do/etc. & saki very clearly feels a lot of that but it never gets challenged. Something that’s always stuck with me was seeing a tiktok where someone was like “actually I AM a burden bc I cost my parents money for antidepressants/adhd meds” which was so…. Buddy as someone on those meds and also 4/5 other drugs to manage the chronic illness I don’t want to hear shit from you abt being a burden. Imagine having panic attacks over career choices & fucking up your schooling permanently because you’re petrified of not having stable insurance to pay for the overpriced meds that keep you from being in agony and your friends/family don’t take it seriously because you look fine even though you can barely move without extreme pain and nobody in your life understands it or attempts to do so and you feel like the doctors don’t care because they give you meds & no diagnosis and you’re still in a pain that defies description. And your disability gets in the way of your passions and you can’t just muscle through it because doing so would fuck your body up even more. & then get back to me. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Moving on.

I don’t know if the colopale writing team has anyone w a disability but I feel like saki’s chronic illness essentially being a thing of the past & she’s just like “I’m fine now” is shitty. Ig it fits with her character but also she’s a fictional character and the writers are capable of addressing this. and they’re not. I want to see saki being told that she’s allowed to be mad and she’s allowed to feel unwell and she’s allowed to not be inspiration porn and she’s allowed to have ugly feelings and address those & that she’s not a burden and it’s ok to rely on others when you’re struggling.

#more personal so I’d prefer this not be reblogged but you’re more than welcome to share thoughts on anon/in replies.#word vomit. in the bathroom at a party I’ll return after posting. you understand.#mine #also I want saki to interact w someone else who is disabled and still following their goals in a healthy way.#I dislike talking abt it because it impacts me less now that I’m properly medicated but. u know. disability did actually fuck up my life bad #& it’s frustrating that saki isn’t allowed to experience things that I and others who are chronically ill have experienced #¯\_(ツ)_/¯. u know. whatever. idgaf.

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bots-and-cons · 19 days

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Heya, I just want to offer some advice on your vent post, bcs I struggle with similar problems regarding selfcare. Having sensory issues + depression and anxiety sucks, and here are some things that help me wrangle my own autistic brain into caring for myself;

Making food fucking sucks, but there are a bunch of stuff that can be eaten in a cup. I know ramen and soups in a cup can be a hit or miss depending on texture, but I found that they are one of the easiest ways to get something warm and not sweet into my body.

On that note oatmeal or muesli or cereal is an option. With oatmeal being a good neutral tasting but filling thing, that you can dump some sugar or salt or whatever in to achieve the taste. When I needed something sweet but filling, I would add sugar and cinnamon. Or some syrup if I wanted some fruity flavor.

Higiene is annoying to do, I can't express that enough. But wet wipes are a saviour in that regard. I use neutral non scented ones, and they help keep the private areas clean when showering is too taxing, and can also be used for a wipe down and a way to freshen up the armpits (I have a fear of stinking, so that helps me a bunch).

I buy them along with toilet paper. People don't care what we buy, and toiletries are on everyones shopping list, but buying stuff together helps me get my anxiety to shut up.

My oral hygene and sweet tooth are mortal enemies. I've got holes and crowns to prove it, so I started working on making brushing easier on my brain. I rinse my mouth with water a few times, and if brushing feels too hard, I put some toothpaste in my mouth and spread it around with my tongue.

It either gets me to grab the toothbrush or I atleast have a slightly fresher taste in my mouth. Surprisingly, I can force myself to eat way easier when my mouth doesn't feel gross.

My struggle was with auditory hallucinations before I got meds that worked, so yea, headphones are life saving when everything is. Extra loud.

The only thing helping me not to bust my hearing when things are REALLY bad, is that warning that shows up on the screen when I try to turn the noise up over the safe limit. It makes me pause, and instead change to some other music that holds my attention better.

I hope some of these help you. I wish I had more to offer, but I myself am also struggling with the piles of laundry and dishes so... Good luck to us both I guess. Putting music on and trying to go autopilot sometimes works for me.

I have no idea what a friendship of 18 years looks like, but your bff kind of reminds me of a friend I had in my hometown. It took me moving away and getting some perspective to realize she was friends with me for the benefits of homework and stuff, and p much nothing else. Or to make a joke at my expense and not get called out for it.

I don't know what you and your bff are like, but from my point of view, she doesn't sound like a best friend. Especially not one that is for Forever, because friends do not make us feel like shit.

It took me some years to learn that, and a good friend I met in the dorms, that helped me realize what kind of person I consider a good friend. Qualities I mean, and she has remained a prime example of a best friend for 8 years now.

This is getting way longer than I intended, but I hope its of some help.

Have a good day/night, and a cookie to help you battle with the stresses you're under 🍪

This is a great advice post tbh, and I'm going to be trying some of these I don't already do. I do have a couple of soups I make very well, even if it's a bit of pain, but then I'll have food for a couple of days. I sometimes eat oatmeal multiple times a week for many days straight, and then I forget about it for like two months, and then I do it again. I like to put some frozen berries into my oatmeal, but it can also be a bit of a hit or miss since the texture sometimes sucks.

Hygiene is indeed a pain in the ass. I learned about the thing with the wet wipes a while back, and I try to remember to use them when I don't want to shower. I have a big problem with actually remembering to do things, so I have to constantly remind myself. I've never been good with brushing my teeth, ever since I started doing it on my own when I was a kid. Since no one was making me do it, I didn't really bother to do it much. Also, it's sensory hell for me and if I try to brush my tongue it's make me gag. So that's fun.

I'm kinda the opposite with the volume thing, since I often feel like even one bar of volume is way too much, so I'm not at danger of hurting my ears, luckily.

I'm probably going to like week's worth of dishes today, and it fucking sucks. I know I shouldn't let them pile up, but I just can't wash them as they get dirty, because that would be every day and I only have so much energy. I know it's disgusting to let them sit for that long but I just can't manage sometimes. Kinda same with the laundry. Everything is piling up, but I'm gonna try to get them done again so I can focus on school stuff.

The friend thing is complicated. After I made that post, she answered my messages the next day, and we talked on the phone. As usual, I didn't really air out any of my concerns and how I felt, because I didn't want to upset her. I just keep swallowing my own feelings in favor of not upsetting someone else and it sucks sometimes. You're probably right about the whole thing tbh, my BFF and I are just both pretty codependent, and it's hard to let go, especially because I have no other friends "IRL" currently.

I hope you can get through whatever stress you're battling against, too. I really appreciate the advice, because it's something I can actually use and not just the "think positive" or "try not being so sensitive" crap.

#ony answers

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