#the other part of this that was super personal was the storm analogy. storms scared me as a kid

[citrinesparkles]

stormy weather

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 720 words. notes: a very abstract take on 'write a true story about you with characters instead of people', one of the prompts from the ever lovely @reaperintheroses drabble december! this was more 'write about feelings', but i tried. warnings: vague bad headspace on jason's part

he was in a mood.

you weren't sure what mood, but it wasn't good.

it was, however, familiar enough that you weren't surprised when he walked through the bedroom like a ghost.

all he took with him as he left it was a nail file.

you sat quietly, listening for the window.

there it was, about half a minute later: the sliding sound of the window in the frame was quiet but unmistakable, as was the sound of it sliding shut behind him.

fire escape brooding.

you sighed- that was a surefire sign that the mood had settled in completely. you had hoped, somewhat naïvely, that it would be a "wrong side of the bed" situation; had hoped he would be able to shake it off.

with the mood here to stay, you put your phone aside and slid out of bed.

it wasn't something to fix. not days like this. as much as you wished you could carry the weight of this for him, you settled instead for trying to share the load.

you took your time walking through the apartment, giving him his space for a little while as you boiled water and steeped tea for him.

you dug out his largest, warmest sweatshirt, tugging it on to brace against the cold you knew was wrapped around him both mentally and literally. then, with a glance at his silhouette in the window, you picked up his mug and approached.

he barely reacted to the sound of the window opening, only shifting slightly so his ear was towards you in silent acknowledgement.

"i made tea," you said softly, leaning on the sill. "interested?"

jason hesitated a moment, the only sounds the traffic below.

he shrugged, twirling the nail file between two fingers.

you reached over, gently pressing the mug into his free hand, watching as he pulled it to his chest with a hum.

"do you want space, or would you prefer i join you?"

"...you can." his voice was steady, but uncharacteristically quiet and lifeless. "not gonna be much company right now."

you slid out the window, closing it behind you, and he glanced up at you blankly. "you don't have to be," you said firmly, quietly, as you sat down beside him. "i'm just here."

the metal was freezing, even through your thick sweatpants. it would take more than a stretch of the imagination to call it comfortable, but you settled in like it was memory foam.

you sat in silence, listening to him breathe beside you and watching it fog in your peripheral.

you sat until your legs ached and your nose felt about ready to fall off from the cold. you sat for far longer than it took him to drain his mug. you sat long enough that the rush of lunch traffic came and went below you.

you sat watching gray clouds churn in the sky, offering the only comfort you could: he wasn't alone.

eventually, he inhaled deeply, and you felt something shift.

"you want a grilled cheese?" his voice was rough and quiet, but using it was a good sign.

you recognized the offer as the thank you that it was.

"yeah," you matched his volume, gently breaking your silence. "that sounds good."

it wasn't over, not by a long shot. you could feel it in the air around you, as though jason was a storm and the front was rolling in. it would be a few days, you suspected, of this- of disconnect, of that distant look in his eyes.

and that was the best case scenario.

he pushed himself up and off the ground, wincing when his bad ankle popped unpleasantly, and you changed your mind. he wasn't the storm. a storm in his own right, sure, strong and beautiful and immovable to all the world, but in this case he was standing on the coast and watching the storm turn the ocean angry.

he reached a hand down to help you up.

you took it, squeezing it once, twice, three times in quick succession as you hauled yourself to your feet. once there, you relaxed your grip.

he kept his, keeping your palm against his own. bracing himself against the wind.

you'd be damned if you let him board up the windows and sandbag the doorways on his own.

[tinsley-goldsworth]

with great power comes great responsibility (chapter 1)

summary: in a world where normal humans coexist with people with supernatural powers, ryan meets a girl who knows something about the dark future that lies ahead. after all, with great power comes great responsibility

read on ao3!

For somebody who believed in the supernatural, Ryan Bergara had a hard time believing in reality. As crazy as it sounded, it was true that people had gotten superpowers and that society was able to function normally. While this might sound surprising, there really was not much to adapting to this change as most of the superpowers weren’t powerful enough to make people superheroes who could save the world. Sure, healers were considered an important asset on the battlefield but other than that, superpowers didn’t have much of an impact.

Superpowers had been around since the late 20th century and to be completely honest, nobody knew where they came from, even if scientists claim to have figured it out. Only 15% of the human population had some sort of superpower and each person’s ability varied in terms of power. Some people were more powerful than others and sometimes that would get to their head so the government worked with people with powerful superpowers to create new rules and regulations to control these power-hungry people. The government invested a lot of money into enforcing rules and there was a dramatic decline in dramatic super villains who didn’t do much other than scare a couple of people.

Ryan was seven years old when he placed a name on his power. Ever since he was young, he had seen a faint light around everybody’s bodies but didn’t question it, assuming that everybody else could see these ring-like lights. But then, he learned about superpowers in class and he learned that the ring-like circles were called emotional auras that could only be seen by people with special powers and that those people were called empaths. Ryan did some research and found out that different colors corroborated with different emotions, and he excitedly told his parents about his superpower.

His parents were generally nice people and when they found out, they couldn’t help but feel a little worried. They didn’t know if this would put Ryan at a disadvantage and even if it did, they couldn’t take it away from his as it was innate. They did some research and eventually were able to accept Ryan and they took Ryan to a superpower specialist who helped Ryan enhance and control his powers.

By the time he was ten years old, Ryan could read the emotions of people easily and the colors of auras were more distinctive than before. When he was younger, auras were sort of hazy, grey-colored rings of light but as his superpower developed, he could identify the color from a mile away. His power was useful when trying to identify how a friend felt, and he usually helped out people who had rather blue auras feel better.

Ryan’s parents’ worries about discrimination became relevant when Ryan began applying for jobs as he grew older. Companies didn’t really want people with superpowers as there was still a lot of stigma around hiring people with supernatural abilities but he was able to become an intern at Buzzfeed. The best part of being at Buzzfeed was obviously the ability to create videos but another benefit was that it paid its employees with superpowers the same wage as their regular human employees.

Now that people knew supernatural powers existed, they began to accept conspiracy theories easily and Ryan also got caught up in the conspiracy storm. He had always been fascinated with unsolved crime cases as well as the unexplored supernatural world and decided to start a show at Buzzfeed called Buzzfeed Unsolved. He discussed unsolved cold cases and also visited haunted locations in hopes of finding evidence of the paranormal. His companion in these adventures was Shane Madej, a normal human who had a strong belief that “just because superpowers exist, it doesn’t mean that ghosts and demons do too”.

Ryan was determined to prove that ghosts were just as real as telepaths and the result was a five season-long series on the supernatural. It was wildly successful and as not many people with superpowers were famous for their work, many younger kids with superpowers looked up to Ryan. It was nice to know that he had an impact on people’s lives and Ryan decided to keep creating content for his enjoyment and for others’.

Today, Ryan walked into the office and read people’s auras per usual. Many interns had their usual heather purple auras, signaling that they were extremely stressed. Some people at the office had graphite grey auras that showed they were definitely not getting enough sleep and did not have enough energy to function. There were a select few people who were harder to read, like Jen Ruggirello, whose aura always seemed oddly hazy, but for the most part, people had parmesan yellow auras, meaning they were relatively content.

When Ryan and Shane had been participating in Kelsey’s Sims series, Kelsey brought up the analogy of auras being similar to the color of the Sims’ moods. There were some differences in correlation between color and emotions but for the most part, the colors in the Sims that matched with certain emotions matched with the colors of auras for those emotions. But even as accurate as the colors generally were, they didn’t express the full scale of human emotion. For instance, when somebody was feeling in love, the aura’s shade of pink would vary, unlike the standard fuchsia pink in the Sims. Sometimes the pink would be more magenta, which was more of a cautious feeling of love and coral pink was a very fleeting, lustful love that, if turned to a ballet slipper pink, could turn into more emotionally-connective love.

As Ryan took a seat down at his desk, he noted that Sara and Shane were standing across from each other as they talked, their auras radiating an intense ballet slipper pink and he caught Shane’s eye, making a mock face of disgust. Shane rolled his eyes and continued talking to Sara, who was showing him her latest drawings. Sara had the unique ability to communicate with animals and her interactions with various types of critters fueled her creativity. She drew elegant mythical creatures that seemed to pop right off the page with vibrant colors. Being an animal communicator was almost as rare as being an empath and it was even rarer for any people with superpowers to possess the amount of talent Sara had.

Ryan turned back towards his computer and right before he put his headphones on, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He swiveled around in his chair to face Steven, who had his usual, happy mustard yellow aura, and Steven grinned as he read Ryan’s thoughts. Steven was probably one of the nosiest and noisiest telepaths Ryan has ever encountered because even though Steven talked a lot, he was also chatty inside Ryan’s head. Every child had learned how to block their thoughts from a telepath from a young age but Ryan put a thin filter on his thoughts and allowed Steven to see the majority of them because he trusted Steven. But while Steven could be a sweet guy, he could also be an annoyance.

“Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. You know better than to be envious of people in love. I know you’re single but the sooner you put yourself out there, the less sad you’ll be around couples,” Steven reproached in a playful manner and Ryan shot him an annoyed glance. So what if he was a little bitter that everybody around him seemed to be in love while he was as single as he could be? Ryan knew that he should probably at least make an attempt to start going on dates but because work had been so draining lately, he couldn’t find the effort to.

“Shut up, Steven. Shouldn’t you be searching for a restaurant with golden truffles or something?” Ryan teased half-heartedly as he turned back towards his computer, clicking on a file to open it up. As ready as Ryan was for Steven to drop the topic, Steven wasn’t ready to let the conversation end.

“Seriously Ryan, you need to stop moping around and find somebody. I’m sure lots of people would want to date an empath,” Steven scooted over to next to Ryan, still sitting in his office chair. Ryan was tempted to push Steven off his chair to wipe the smug smile off his face but resisted the urge to do so. All he wanted was for Adam to teleport here and take Steven away to another location.

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind,” Ryan replied dryly and Steven took this as a victory, pumping his fists triumphantly before scooting back to his desk. Steven wasn’t a hundred percent correct about people wanting to date an empath; there was a good chunk of people who still found people with superpowers strange and refused to date them. This was yet another obstacle people with superpowers had to face and Ryan pushed any deep thoughts about the topic back into the recesses of his mind.

Ryan put his headphones on and began the tedious task of listening to all the audio files from the haunted location he and Shane had visited. He found some clips that sounded pretty compelling and saved them to show to Shane later. Later that day, Ryan filmed a post-mortem with Shane and Shane’s aura was a mustard yellow, which helped raise Ryan’s energy levels a little more. Ryan found that in addition to being able to read the emotions of others, he could also be influenced by others’.

After filming the post-mortem, Ryan called it a day and decided to walk to Starbucks to get a quick drink with caffeine so he could manage to stay up a little late to finish up some final touches on an episode. He wasn’t paying much attention to where he was walking as he was too busy scrolling through Twitter to look where he was walking and he bumped into somebody. Instantly, he lowered his phone and turned to the person, apologizing. “Sorry about that. I wasn’t looking where I was walking.”

The girl he bumped into turned towards him and Ryan almost lost his grip on his phone. She had the brightest aura Ryan had ever seen and it was probably brighter than the light of the sun and stars combined. It was a strange silver color that Ryan had never seen but at least it wasn’t an angry scarlet red. Her eyes were golden, meaning that she was a seer and could tell the future. Seers were rare and Ryan had never met a seer with such an intense aura. Her golden eyes flashed with recognition as she replied, “No worries. Have I seen you before?”

“Maybe? My name is Ryan Bergara and I’m the host of a show called Buzzfeed Unsolved. Maybe you saw me on the internet somewhere,” Ryan reasoned, still fascinated by her silver aura. He wanted to reach his fingers out and try to touch it as it seemed so metallic that looked physically smooth but suppressed the urge. The girl shook her head and her tangled curls bounced delicately.

“Doesn’t sound familiar. I’m Marielle by the way,” Marielle looked like she was about to say something more but her phone rang with a notification of a new text. She glanced down at the screen of her phone and quickly began typing a message. Before she left, Marielle met Ryan’s eyes one last and said, “I have to go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Soon?” Ryan’s question was left hanging as Marielle disappeared into the endless stream of people walking down the street. If Marielle was telling the truth, then there really was no need to answer Ryan’s question right now.

~

While society seemed like a utopia because of its ability to function normally with people with superpowers, it still had its faults. Many people were anti-superpower and firmly believed that people with superpowers had no right to be wandering around in the world and should be locked up. Los Angeles was a more progressive area and generally, people accepted those with superpowers, which is why Ryan was surprised when people showed up at the front doors of Buzzfeed, protesting.

Ryan had been minding his own business at work as he finished up working on an episode and admittedly, he had been letting his mind wander as he mindlessly checked for errors in editing. He couldn’t forget about Marielle, whose mysterious remark had been on repeat in his brain, and wanted to know more about Marielle. Ryan felt naturally attracted to Marielle because of her metallic aura but he also thought she was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. He hoped that she would be true to her word and they would somehow manage to meet again but for now, he had no way of contacting her so he could only wait.

Just as Ryan took off his headphones and prepared the file for sending, he heard a distant commotion outside and stood up, walking over towards the source of the sound. As he got closer, he could hear the chants of angry people and see a distant dark glow of red. Near the glass doors at the front of the office, there was a crowd of anti-superpower protestors yelling and holding picket signs walking down the street. A bunch of Buzzfeed employees were standing in the lobby, watching the protestors march down the street and Ryan walked next to Steven, Shane, Sara, and Andrew, who were watching with concern flashing in their eyes.

Their usual comforting auras now were a plum shade of worry as the protestors’ chants of “Freaks are making our economy stink!” rose louder and louder. The front doors of the office were locked as everybody at the office knew that protestors wouldn’t hesitate to try to attack Buzzfeed since the company paid people with superpowers equally. A couple of protestors left the horde to bang on the doors and picket signs were thrown at the glass doors. Ryan winced at the clunking noises as the signs hit the doors and Steven’s usual grin was now a painful grimace.

The protestors eventually stopped bothering the front doors and joined the rest of the mob as they continued down the street, causing a ruckus and worsening traffic. Shane had an arm wrapped comforting around Sara’s shoulders as Sara leaned into him, biting her bottom lip as her plum aura deepened to a sangria purple. She was scrolling through her phone and announced, “These protests are happening everywhere today. It’s like they all came together to protest on this one day to get their message across.”

“I still don’t understand why anti-superpower people don’t accept people with superpowers. I mean, people with superpowers lose their powers,” Shane frowned as he spoke and he left the last part of the statement unsaid. Nobody had figured out how to remove powers without killing the person and if anti-power protestors wanted to get rid of all people with superpowers, they might as well come together to commit mass genocide right under the government’s nose. It’s not like the government would act quickly enough to stop them.

“Some people think that having equality will result in them losing power but in reality, equality just means equal rights for everybody and they don’t have to lose power in order to have equality,” Jen walked up next to Ryan and Steven nodded in agreement. Many people didn’t like talking about politics but because politics now controlled their lives and rights, it was kind of necessary for them to discuss it.

Steven looked like he wanted to share more but one of the office managers walked into the lobby, telling everybody to get back to work and ignore the commotion. The small crowd of employees dispersed as everybody scrambled to get back to their respective workspaces. Ryan wasn’t a seer but he had a feeling that these protests were going to lead to something bigger in the future; he just didn’t know what this all could mean.

~

The protests only worsened and while the first few protests were organized throughout the nation, the hate spread and protests became a worldwide trend. Hundreds of people throughout the entire world came together to scream angrily about how people with superpowers shouldn’t be considered human. The protestors in Los Angeles constantly crowded around the Buzzfeed office to the point where Ryan had to enter the building through the back doors since the glass doors leading to the lobby were bolted and covered with planks of wood after a few protestors threw picket signs that smashed through the doors.

After a week of dealing with the protests, Ryan really needed a break from all the stress and as he walked back into his apartment, the last person he expected to see was Marielle. His first instinct was to dumbly think, “Wow her aura is still so bright”. His second instinct was to ask how she found her way in and how she knew where he lived but Marielle quickly closed the door behind him. Before he could ask the questions, Marielle stammered rapidly, “Your, um, roommates let me in. I told them I was here to help you with a video thing. I, uh, found your address by asking my friend. She knows you.”

“Oh, okay, yeah,” Ryan replied as if she had definitively answered all his questions. He wanted to ask more questions but Marielle seemed like she really was rushing to tell him whatever she needed to say so he kept his mouth shut as she continued to talk.

“Listen, I don’t have much time to say this but I came to tell you that you shouldn’t go to work tomorrow. Tell all your friends not to go too. I can’t tell you more and I don’t have that much time. It’s just… dangerous,” Marielle nervously curled one of her curls around her index finger as she spoke, clearly anxious about something, or maybe someone. She seemed like she was in a rush and needed to get out of Ryan’s apartment as soon as possible.

“Wait, why? Wait, sorry, right, you can’t tell me. Um, why this is going to sound weird but why should I trust you?” Ryan had trouble sounding coherent as he wasn’t used to sort-of strangers showing up at his place and telling him not to go to work the next day. He didn’t know Marielle that well but his instincts were telling him to believe what she was saying.

“I can tell the future. What else is there to make me more credible?” Marielle grinned as she scribbled something down on a random slip of paper lying on the kitchen counter with a pen from her pocket. She handed Ryan the slip of paper and he saw that she had written her number along with her name and a small smiley face. “Here’s my number. You’re gonna need it in the future. You’ll know when you need to. I have to go.”

Before Ryan could ask any more questions, Marielle brushed past him and left, closing the door behind her with a dull thud. Ryan was still in shock as he glanced down at the slip of paper in his hands, wondering what on Earth had just happened. He remembered that Marielle said they were going to meet again but he hadn’t imagined it to be like this. Ryan remembered the honesty in her golden eyes as she warned him of the dangers of going to work and glanced down at her handwriting on the slip of paper. Since she had predicted them meeting again a second time, Ryan should probably trust her words. So, he saved her contact in his phone and waited patiently for the time that he would need to talk to her again.

~

chapter 2 is here!

[rasao22]

Cast Away

One of the things that I need to acknowledge in transitioning is that I am not the only one transitioning.  There is a huge population of people who are actively trying to make themselves better through this process.  They, like I, have intentionally made the decision to push forward, to challenge their own boundaries and their own preconceptions of the world.  We all have found that changing our minds about gender, sexual identity, or something else is what is needed to chart a better course in life.

As you all well know though there are others that have been pulled on this journey along with the initiator.  Parents, siblings, friends... children, and life partners.  They all get involved whether or not they choose to be involved in transitioning.

This is not a new concept, events change all the time without people's permission.  Natural disasters happen and change the landscape of a town.  Accidents happen to permanently alter people's lives, or worse yet take their lives and leave the survivors having to figure out what happens next.

But with transition there is a *person* at the middle of all of this.  Whether or not that person wanted to be at the middle of all of this!  There's someone to focus on and someone to influence going forward.  And there's a source to come back to when things get tough in life.

Because when people around the person transition that forces them to take very hard looks at their own lives, even if superficially.  I now have seventy-five coworkers who have been ordered by my HR department to call me by my requested name.  I am sure that many may have their opinions of whether or not I should be doing this.  Some have shown amazing support already!  But others without any external signs may have misgivings, whether social, political, or spiritual.  My doing this has challenged them to examine their current way of thinking or else they wouldn't have misgivings.  My transition has forced them into a miniature transition of their own.

But for those closest to the person transitioning -- the parents or siblings of transitioning children, or the partners or children of transitioning adults -- this means that so many different aspects of their lives have to be looked at.

As I have been pondering this idea, it is as if they've been cast away onto a deserted island.  They have been given tools -- their relationships with other people, their current support structures, their relationship with the person transitioning, whether or not they're getting mental help.  With those tools they have to make it into the next morning, into the next week, and into the next year.

In the immediate short term they have to use those tools to find food and to build a shelter from the storm.  This is analogous to trying to understand the transitioning person and trying to figure out how to best serve their own needs and wants with that transitioning person in mind.  Do they want to spend time being around them to get more used to it?  Do they want to limit contact so that they have time to process?  Can they work with different names and pronouns if necessary?  In the short term how can they still be comfortable in their own lives?  It's almost as if they're trying to figure out how many coconunts and how many bananas to pick, what balance in their lives can they achieve?

In the long term they get to use those tools to go along two different paths.  They can choose to either build a structure to last on the island -- living in the brave new world of the transitioning person, being a part of their lives going forward, and learning to be comfortable or at least accepting with whatever new relationships and new characteristics go with this transitioning person.  This tropical island may be even better than where they used to be in the past with this person.  I have met many transgender people who are so much more comfortable with themselves, I would possibly be sad to have known them prior to this when they could not be open and honest.

The other path that they can go down is to build their liferaft off the island.  This would be to sail to a different relationship, a different paradigm, even if it is to not have the transgender person in their lives at all anymore.  Their own intelligence, their relationships, trusted professionals, all can help a person caught up in an unwilling transition to be able to understand what they do need and whether or not they need to leave this deserted island permanently.

These tools -- they help a person to find themselves.  Just like a saw can cut wood which is a far better way to obtain materials than, say, flotsam, a therapist can help a person come to a far better understanding of themselves to figure out what they need in life and how to go forward.  Familial relationships can give a safe space to explore yourself, just like an umbrella held over a fire may cook food better than having to eat raw.  

Just like there are no absolutes in life, I would encourage all participants in a transition to both build permanent structures as well as outfitting their life rafts.  It is okay to push down both the path of acceptance as well as the path of reanalysis/escape at the same time!  Life can absolutely change in a heartbeat and even if you found yourself on a deserted island, things on that island may change too.  No one person is absolute either.

What scares me though is the common denominator with all of the above.  A transition requires work.  A TRANSITION REQUIRES WORK.  And there are times that people have to transition and do not want to put in work.  The tools are there but they are completely useless unless they are utilized.  Effort must be expended and this is where people in general fall flat.  Especially when people are forced to work, there is oftentimes an undercurrent of resentment and unwillingness.

This is the biggest issue with people who are transitioning looking at the others in their lives.  I hope that you realize that just because you personally found that you needed change and started making those changes that you have also effectively forced the people around you to change too.  And sadly many people do not want to change, or they have a hard time with change.  The person transitioning -- you are a cross between a demanding work supervisor and a rah-rah inspirational TED talk.  The people in your life can choose to get with the program and to take your encouragement.... or not.

Transitioning people can see all of the many benefits of life change in their lives and wonder why others can't see the benefits.  It takes work and desire to get there.  We can only hope that the payoffs for everyone else are as great as the sacrifices that are being made.  For some, it's not -- partners especially who may see their sexuality being challenged, parents who had a vested interest in their child's identity and do NOT want to have the child make it much more difficult to get through life... these people really have to work very hard and it may seem that even in the short term they get so little results.  This can lead to their extreme disillusionment and disinterest in continuing to work.

I am NOT saying to people transitioning to slow down, to think of others, to stop, to revert.  I am saying though that you need to keep in mind all of the people around you too and as a fellow human being you can be as much harsh work supervisor or inspirational TED talk as you want to be.  The patience that others work to build for you, I hope that you've also built that reserve of patience and grace for them as well.

Deserted islands can be super-scary at first, but with lots of work and the right tools they can be transformed into the most amazing paradises.  There is so much to be said for positive life change, it is well worth the efforts.  Keeping a positive attitude and using that work ethic makes such a difference.