#the song reminds me of someone else but iT STILL BANGS

[chisungie]

.

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

[kaliforniahigh]

casual - n.s.

Inspired by the song Casual by Chappell Roan. Noah is your friend but not your best friend if you know what I mean.

Warnings: angst, Noah is kind of an ass, sad thoughts, neither one of them know how to express themselves and deal with ~feelings~, curse words.

WC: 1.677

Part 2.

My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch

You were used to the title of "friend". You were friends with the band. You met Nick first, some years ago and he introduced you to everyone else, and after that, where everyone was, you weren't far behind.

You graduated with a degree in photography a couple of years ago, and when the chance of touring with the band and learn from Bryan was presented to you, you couldn't refuse. Who would?

You don't exactly remember when things changed so drastically. Granted, you couldn't call Noah your best friend, but you talked to him everyday, you joked around together and even had a secret sign whenever you were at a party, to tell the other one of you was feeling a little overwhelmed, and was going to step out for a bit.

Looking back at it now, you realized these moments only held significance to you. You thought back to the night everything changed. How he was talking to you so smoothly, how he looked you in the eye and payed attention to every word you were saying, how his hands touched your thighs and finally, how he asked you if you wanted to get out of there and maybe go up to his room.

You also remembered how he asked you to leave not even 15 minutes after you were done, how he laid there scrolling on his phone as you gathered your clothes and put them back on, saying goodbye but not sticking around to hear his response. Pain clawed at your chest, but you pushed it down.

So when it happened again at a house party they were throwing, you left before he had to tell you. You told yourself you could do this, you liked him as a friend and not as something more. Besides, you were having fun and he was good, and by the way he was the one seeking you out everytime, you figured he felt the same.

You just didn't consider the fact that you were totally not the only one he was having sex with. Because right now, you were sat at a table at a bar the boys saw not too far away from the venue they were playing at, deciding that a night of drinking was in the cards to commemorate the sucess of the tour so far. And he was at the bar chatting up a pretty blonde. You wanted to know if he was telling her the same things he told you that first time.

"Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight, huh?" Nick sat down next to you, nodding towards Noah and the pretty blonde.

"Looks like it", you acted nonchalant, if any of the boys knew about this thing going on between the two of you, none of them mentioned anything. "He does this often?", you asked him, fishing for information. You had the priviledge of this being the first tour you were embarking on from beggining to end, so no one really thought anything more of your questions.

"Only when we have a hotel room. Can't really do much on a tour bus, you know?", you hummed in agreement, Nick said he was getting more drinks and excused himself.

Later that night, Noah left early (with the pretty blonde) and you went to bed alone.

I thought you thought of me better Someone you couldn't lose

So you decided to do what you did best: distance yourself from him. Every night, you always showed the boys the pictures you'd taken on your camera. Now you told them you wanted to wait until you edited them. You just didn't want anyone to notice you started taking less and less photos of Noah.

Nights out also became less frequent, but everyone just thought the exhaustion of being on tour was finally catching up to you. You didn't bother giving them any other explanation. You had to remind yourself that you were here working, this was your job and you were not gonna let him distract you from that.

You were currently working on some photographs you took on the previous nights, the chatter on the tour bus filling the space. You saw a can of White Claw appear in your field of vision. You didn't have to look up to see that Noah was handing it to you.

You took it from his hand and thanked him, popping it open.

"Is everything good?", he questioned you. He was used to you asking him to sit down, sometimes he would even observe you working because he found it just so relaxing. This time, you barely aknowledged him, just taking the beverage from his hand and going back to work.

"Yeah, just concentrated, you know?", you said, not diverting your eyes from your screen. He thought it was weird, but if you didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't gonna push you. He observed you for the rest of the night.

You honestly didn't know what you expected. For him to take your hands in his and tell you how concerned he was about your sudden distance? For him to notice you were hurting from the decision you made yourself? How much you didn't want to accept that you were like the other girls he banged on a weekly basis? Deep down you knew there was no way for him to know those things if you didn't communicate with him. But he acted like he already forgot what happened, you didn't want to be the one hung up on something that is never going to evolve.

You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss, I have anger issues

The guys played a festival today. The atmosphere was so different and exciting that it actually took your mind off of things. You met so many other professionals and exchanged so many experiences.

You were talking to Liam backstage as the boys were getting ready to go on stage. You noticed he used a camera different from yours and was excitedly asking him all kinds of information. You were interested in modifying your set up and try other things.

He showed you some pictures he took from earlier in the day and explained to you all the different settings and how he liked to adjust them. You were so distracted that you didn't notice Noah coming up behind you.

"We'll be up in 5 minutes", he told you, startling you quite a bit.

"Ok, I'll take my spot shortly", he nodded, but said nothing else, walking back to the band, the boys going over some last-minute details.

You found it weird, no one ever had to tell you what time you had to do your job, because you know. You decided to exhange numbers with Liam so you could continue this conversation later. You grabbed his phone and started to type your number.

"C'mon, Y/N", you heard Noah again, his behavior starting to piss you off. You signaled for him to wait.

"You're gonna be late, we're going on stage now", he wouldn't leave you alone. You handed Liam's phone back to him and bid him goodbye.

"What the hell are you on my ass about? I know what time I have to do my job, you don't have to remind me", you didn't wait for a response, grabbing your equipment and making your way to side stage.

The interaction put you in a sour mood for the rest of the day and everyone noticed. Your smiley and excited self was now gone, your face serious as you kept your conversation with other people short.

With the festival ending, you made your way to the tour bus, as you waited for the equipment to be loaded so everyone can hit the road again.

Noah was the first one to be back, as he took a seat in front of you. Both of you stayed silent until he decided to speak up.

"Seems like you and Liam were having a pretty good conversation", he noted, not looking at you, picking on a loose strand from his sweatpants.

"Yeah, he was pretty attentive", you responded, not knowing where he wanted to go with this conversation and why Liam was relevant.

"Oh, I bet he was", he let out a low chuckle.

"Yes, he was. Is there anything wrong about a professional conversation?", you crossed your arms in front of you, getting a little bit defensive.

"Professional conversation? Please, tell me you're not this dense", you were in disbelief, catching on to where this conversation was headed. "You honestly didn't notice that this guy is just trying to get in your pants?"

"Please, Noah. Don't compare every man to your shitty self", you scoffed, getting up to leave.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?", he got up after you and you could feel his presence on your back. You turned around to face him.

"Didn't you do just that to get in my pants not too long ago?", your eyes were fierce and held a fire to them.

"Oh, so that is what this is about?"

"I don't know, is it? You're the one who all of a sudden came here telling me who wants to get in my pants", you needed him to enlighten you, because you had sex twice and not even once he came looking for you to talk about it.

"I just thought you wouldn't be so easy", your opened your mouth in shock at his words. Surely this can't be the same person you knew.

"So now you're calling me a whore as well? You weren't complaining about how easy I was when I was sucking you dick"

"That is not what I said", he tried to defend himself.

"Well you might as well have", there was a pause in conversation, but you weren't planning on letting him say anything else. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Just because we fucked twice doesn't mean you have a say in who I can involve myself with. Besides, you're the one who takes girls to your room every week. So please, spare me hypocrisy"

You turned around and left for good now.

Part 2 maybe???

[polyklok]

What makes them soft 🥰 VS What gets them hard 😈 (Dethklok x Reader)

I thought of that title and it was too good to give up

Fluffy moments vs Turn-Ons headcanons for the Dethklok boys (if that wasn’t obvious enough) TW: Although not explicitly smut, this is definitely a bit spicy and has hints of kinks. Please, Minors DNI.

Nathan explosion

What makes him soft

Being a busy guy, Nathan values a lot of comfortable silence and mutual space. When you two are just sitting together, doing completely different things, not talking, yet enjoying each other’s company nonetheless. Most of the time, he’ll be writing song lyrics, storyboarding a music video, or planning out a concert. His mind is occupied, but he’ll occasionally take the time to look over to you and appreciate just how soothing your presence is.

This guy will go weak in the knees for random little pecks. On his cheeks, nose, shoulders, hands, he’ll go absolutely crazy when you give him just small, passing kisses. He might even stop what both of you are doing just to get more. Don’t get me wrong, he loves a good make out session, but quick and fleeting kisses are definitely up there on the list.

When really focused, Nathan has the tendency to overwork himself, getting completely enamored in his goals and not focusing on much else. Similarly, being an unofficial “Band Dad”, he might be very busy trying to keep his chaotic band mates in check and on schedule. So having a darling S/O who reminds him to take breaks and take care of himself is so precious. Just little, “It’s been a while, let’s have a snack.” or “We should be heading to bed now.” Are just lovely little reminders on just how much you care for him and it seriously makes his heart ache with warmth.

What gets him hard

Nathan is…stubborn and tends to be hardheaded. He’s pretty good at keeping himself in check, but sometimes that ignorance will still slip out. But, HOO, when he has an S/O that’ll snap back. Goddamn! Get a bit angry, boss him around a little. Nothing mean, just put him in his place. He’ll certainly return the favor to you later.

While I still stand by the fact that he loves some quick affection, he still greatly appreciates lingering touches as well. Specifically, massages. He’s a big guy, a big guy who is constantly hunching down and head banging. Rub up his neck and shoulders, please! He might literally beg you, if he must. He considers a massage to be some great foreplay, aftercare, or just whenever. He just really loves it.

Whispering. I don’t know how to explain this one, I just feel like he’s the kind of fella to just go wild over some whispering in his ear. Doesn’t even have to be flirty or sexual; get real close and whisper to him your grocery list, he’ll probably be bricked up over it.

Pickles The Drummer

What makes him soft

You know how Pickles had a completely supportive home life and a loving family? No? Not at all? Huh. That’s probably why he gets seriously emotional whenever you give him praise. Any kind at all, just a simple “Good job” might make his eyes start to water. Tries really hard to hide it too, cause if you'll notice, you might start to worry about him WHICH WILL MAKE HIM CRY EVEN MORE-

Scratching this isn’t kinky I swear- You know that feeling when someone gently drags their fingernails across your skin? Just barely enough to leave red streaks and cause goosebumps, but not nearly enough for any actual pain? Maybe I’m projecting but something tells me he’s just melt into that sensation. Bonus points if you play connect-the-dots with his freckles or something.

Pickles will regularly drink and drug himself up to oblivion, which makes absolutely brutal hangovers a very common occurrence. But he’s used to dealing with it on his own. Until you decided that wouldn’t do and started taking care of him during these tough moments. Even when he’s painfully groaning into you thighs, he really does love the fact that you’re just willing to be here with him, dealing with his pathetic habits and worse symptoms.

What gets him hard

Nothing gets him in the mood quite like seeing you dance. Seeing you bounce and sway to some music definitely puts his head deep into the gutter, especially if the song is filthy. Even better, one of Dethklok's songs. He’ll be staring at your legs, hips, and chest with a smirk for hours and he’ll definitely ask you to recreate some of those moves for him later, privately.

I think he has a thing for oversized clothes. Most of the women he surrounds himself with wear tight, revealing clothing and while that's all done and good, he really enjoys something that's loose and too big on you. Doesn't matter how big you are; buy a shirt a couple sizes up and it'll probably end up on his floor in a matter of hours. Also I think he wants to be the boyfriend to give you his clothing that's too big for you, but he's so tiny himself, it probably won't work :/

Okay, sure, it's nice to have a partner that's a little bashful or even teasing when it comes to sexytimes, someone who likes making a show out of it. But, he loves having a partner that's very casual about their sexuality. This was totally inspired by that great Momento Mori fanfic btw. When you skip to the chase of getting undressed or talk about kinks openly like it was in the morning news or simply ask for sex from him, no hesitation, he'll be so much more enthusiastic about it.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

What makes him soft

Skwisgaar is famous, or infamous, for being a Sex God. He has slept with more people in a week than most will in their entire lives; he's probably the biggest whore in history. It's what's expected of him. If you are in a monogamous relationship with him, he's already out of his element and feeling vulnerable. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. But then you start giving him affection. Hugs and cuddles, kisses on his cheek, and little pets that don't lead to sex just make his heart flutter in a way he didn't know was possible. He's had countless women touching every part of his body, but when you do it out of sentiment and tenderness rather than because you're horny...oh gosh, he becomes addicted to that feeling.

He'd be the type of guy to pine after good ol' fashion shyness. Seeing you blush, stutter, and look away at some simple flirting quips makes him melt. He loves getting his ego stroked so he often fosters your nervousness just to make himself feel like a big man. He especially likes it if you start to use him as a crutch for your shyness, like hiding your face in his chest or something.

While he tends to come off as smug, cold and dismissive, he is really such a crybaby and has a healthy dose of anxiety as well. While it will take a while a long while for him to open up and expose his emotional side, he really values someone who can comfort him in his tough moments. He’s gonna be bratty about it the first few times, but it means so much just to have someone there and caring for him.

What gets him hard

Oh boy, double whammy! The shyness not only hits his heart, but that feeling moves down south as well. Not necessarily acting timid in the bedroom, although he does like that, but watching the shyness melt away as you really get into it. Especially if you’re a bit controlling of him. Seeing your reserved attitude give away to dominance just fucking gets to him.

This one’s weird ngl So we all know how particular Skwisgaar is. He’s a bit of a diva. I’d think he’d like to pick your clothing. Nothing super invasive, but he likes to choose what outfit you wear before the two of you go out to do something nice. He gets so much pride that from knowing you’re wearing what he picked from you and he cannot wait to tear it off. Bonus points if you get compliments on it; he’s not gonna brag in front of people, but he’s gonna tease you for it later.

If you couldn’t tell, I imagine him to be semi-possessive. So he would just love to mark you up with hickies and bruises and scratches. He’ll have the cockiest smirk on his face as others stare at the marks covering your neck or thighs. He’ll show off his own marks that you left as well, wearing low-cut shirts after a particularly rough night.

Toki Wartooth

What makes him soft

Ahh, this boy is such a sweetheart! A lot of things you do will turn him into putty. But especially if you play into any traditional lifestyle. Toki bought a ring a month into your relationship, so saying your interested in marriage will make him so happy, he might propose right there! You want kids? So does he! How soon? As traumatizing at it was, he was raised with extremely conventional values, so seeing you cook or clean or act domestic even a little bit will push all the right buttons in his brain.

Toki never uses your name. It’s a given. Pretty much the moment you met, he’s called you by all the cheesiest pet names he can think of, even before you were dating. Some are cute; Sweetie, Darling, Prince/Princess, Kitty. But, just as much as those, he uses all the tacky ones that make everyone cringe as well; Honeybun, Num-Nums, Snookums, Baby Cakes. It gets worse. It doesn’t matter if you hate it, he thinks it’s cute!

Despite him usually waking up the earliest out of the band members, and having a cherry demeanor overall, Toki is not a morning person. He will be so pissed if he is waken up before he wants to, alarm clocks are not allowed in his room. He has very vivid and happy dreams and hates to be torn away from them. But he loves waking up with you, every single morning. Even if you snore or drool or kick in your sleep, he will be so happy to see you as you both wake up. Your tired face and messy hair and mumbling “good morning” just feels so right, really gets him in the feels.

What gets him hard

(This one is specifically for female readers) Remember when I said he definitely wants children? I wasn’t kidding. Man wants to start trying for a baby today. He hates condoms and will try to convince you to get off birth control. Almost every time you mess around, he’s gonna bring up how pretty you’ll be with his kids growing in you. Always wants to finish inside. The breeding kink is strong here.

Ok, so yes, Toki generally likes his S/O to be as sweet and loving as he is. But you know what else he is? Fucking scary. If you have some occasions where you get really pissed off, telling off some asshole or even beating them up, Toki wants you right then and there. He loves seeing the seething anger on your face not directed at him and definitely gets turned on if a little blood gets on you. Brutal.

Nudes are great, right? He definitely likes getting some dirty pictures from you now and then, especially if he’s away on tour and can’t get the real thing. But even more so than that, he loves getting teasing photos from you. Especially if you act dumb. Send him a necklace photo that just so happens to show off your cleavage or collarbone; show him something your holding with your soft thighs in the background; send him a selfie from bed where you ‘accidentally’ leave some sex toys in frame. Oh my god, he’ll go so crazy for it and pays you back double when he finally sees you again.

William Murderface

What makes him soft

It’s so easy to make his heart melt, it’s almost sad. He definitely puts up a tough exterior, but once you’re through, he’s pretty much at his knees for anything you do. But high up on his list (he would be the type to make a list) is receiving compliments from you. He already idolizes you and is weirdly grateful that you show him as much affection as you do, so even tiny compliments are gonna have him twisted around your finger, as if he wasn’t already before. He’ll kill someone for you if you just call him prettyboy beforehand, I swear to god.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This is true for almost anyone, but especially Murderface. He’ll gobble up anything you cook for him so quickly, doesn’t matter what. He’s bashful about it, but eventually, he’ll show his passion for cooking for you and teaching you some recipes definitely makes for some sweet bonding time. His favorite date is cooking something together and then eat it while watching an awful movie.

As you’ve probably guessed by now; Murderface is, what some might call, a total simp for you and is completely tender for anything you do. So, if you happen to flip the script, and start building him up as something desirable and pine after him hard, ohhhh man. This extends from the compliments but- Flirt! Get handsy in public! Show him off! He is literally one of the world’s most popular cultural figure and yet his self confidence is dirt. Be grateful for your famous, angsty, bulldog-faces boyfriend and his stomach will explode in butterflies!

What gets him hard

He seems like the kind of guy to seriously get off on eye contact not me tho. Make eyes at him from across a room and don’t look away. The longer you stare just at him, the more he’ll blush and squirm. Once you do finally get some private time, he insists on maintaining eye contact with you as long as you both can manage. It’s somehow feels both romantic and fucking dirty with him.

William is pretty much addicted to your scent. If you have a signature perfume or lotion, he wants to drown in the stuff. He loves to bury his face in any article of clothing you manage to leave behind in his room. While in his afterglow, he likes to creep up behind you and smell your hair and sweat. Even body odor, he likes it if it’s yours. Yeah, he’s a weirdo, but you already snatched him up. Please let him borrow a few sprays of your perfume to wear for the day.

Seeing you handle weaponry…my god. This poor boy. Could be knives, guns, anything in between. Just you holding it is enough to make his knees wobbly and his vision blurry. If you know how to use it? Good lord, he wants to be at the end of that weapon no matter the consequences. He’d be completely okay dying that way. Seriously though, this man has a thing for weaponry and danger. He puts on the attitude of a violent, hateful man but underneath that is a softie. But under want that softie is man who CRAVES VIOLENCE-

I got more and more sleep deprived as I wrote this man

Will I ever be able to write something comprehensible and exceptional?…probably not.

[beesspacedotorg]

abo skz and their song double knot... just feels like that makes a lot of sense

why else would they have made that song?!? 👀

- 🌵

there's no sex in this, sorry for taking so long bro. there is bang christopher chan though. sorry for the double knot/side effects slander. also this isn't part of the dibsverse

When you first hear the song, you spend the whole of it staring right into Chan’s skull. His ears are bright red and his face is heating and he resolutely avoids your gaze as he stares at the road.

“Christopher,” you start.

“Baby.” “Don’t ‘baby’ me. You did not just make this song.”

“But, did you listen to the lyrics? It’s about finding our own way and-”

“The title of the song is Double Knot, Christopher.”

“It’s about shoe laces!”

“Yeah, I bet it is.”

They don’t perform the song often, they don’t perform songs pre-God’s Menu often, so after a while you let it go. You’re here now, sitting between the Rock Star comeback and whatever comes next, more excited for Nayeon’s new album than anything else, when someone reminds you of it.

“I’m a Double Knot defender,” one of your friends says.

“Do you have ears attached to your head?”

“Yeah, which is why I’ll tell you that the song is straight bars.”

“Yeah, straight un-bar-able.”

“You take that back right now. What next? You don’t like Side Effects?”

“Oh buddy, just wait until you hear this.”

You get back to your table with the drinks when it hits you.

“I fucking forgot about Double Knot.”

“See! Bro’s literally in love with the members and doesn’t even remember the song.” Your friend says. The other one rolls their eyes and starts talking about the amazing production quality in the two songs, you only chime in to stir the pot.

-

“Christopher!” You’re calling through the house when you get home, kicking off your shoes and throwing your bag haphazardly in a way you know is going to get you scolded later.

“In here!” He calls from his room. Your phone’s been blowing up, so he might be flirting with Stays right now. You hope they won’t mind if you steal him away for a bit.

“Chris, Chan, Channie, you’ll never believe what I was just reminded of.” You flop down next to him, bouncing the two of you a little as his mattress recoils.

“That you need to get the oil changed in your car?”

“What? No. You did that for me last month.”

“That you forgot shampoo at the grocery store?”

“Stop guessing, you’re bad at it.” He huffs and rolls his eyes, setting his phone down to face you fully.

“Well, what is it then?”

“Chan. Channie, Chan. I was reminded,” you stop to giggle, “of Double Knot.” He groans and shoves a pillow onto his face.

“I already told you that-”

“That it was about persevering and shoelaces, I know. But,” you giggle, “Channie, do you know what?” He lifts the pillow just enough to squint at you with one eye.

“What?”

“You can give me your double knot.” He hits you with the pillow.

“That doesn’t even make sense.” The pillow is still over your face but you know better than anyone that he’s bright red and smiley right now. Flustered in that way he always is when you flirt with him.

“Yeah, it does.” You shove the pillow down to look at him, you were right, his face is flaming.

“It most certainly does not.”

“It most certainly does.”

“How?”

“It’s very simple,” you lift your finger beside your face and tilt your head up, putting on a terrible British accent to sound smarter than is necessary for the situation. “One must simply fuck me hard enough that-” He hits you with the pillow again.

“Shush!”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a virgin.”

“I’m just shy.”

“You weren’t shy last night when you-” The pillow hits you a third time.

“Shh, shh. No more speaking from you.” His hand gently covers your mouth. You stare at him with wide eyes before biting his palm.

“Channie-”

“Ow? What the fuck?” He’s cradling his hand and inspecting it for marks. You didn’t bite him that hard.

“Channie, listen to me-”

“You just bit me-” He stops when he looks back up and gets an eyeful of your chest.

“Channie,” you coo at him, honey sweet, “don’t you wanna fuck me?”

“Jesus.” You smile at him as you can smell his cinnamon get sharper, turning sweet, like an overseasoned latte. He told you once that Koreans don’t use a lot of cinnamon in their foods, so he was worried people wouldn’t like the way he smelled. You told him you want to cover him in sugar icing and lick it off. He called you deplorable.

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” He shoves the shirt off your body and lays on top of you to attack your mouth.

“You like me anyway.”

“Love, unfortunately.” You smile at him and throw your arms around his neck.

“So, about those double knots?”

[jaelvr]

Tip Toe

Home | NCT 127 masterlist |

Requested : yes ( by @lovesuhng)

Prompts ; 1. “what are you do-” “look, now we match!” + 15. “this song reminds me of you.” + 175. “ you don’t have any idea how much i love you .”

Pairing : enemy! johnny x reader

Pronouns : you/yours

Type : fluff

Word count : 2.3k

Warnings : mutual feelings, enemies to lovers, high school au, fluff, slightly ooc

Have a great day !! 

——————————

Whoever said that school dances were fun was a liar. You sighed softly as you sat at an empty table, looking around at your friends who were all dancing with their dates - you shouldn't have listened to them. Your date bailed on you at the last second, leaving you to spend the evening moping around. "No one asked you to be their date?" a familiar voice called, taunting you slightly as he took the seat opposite you. Johnny Suh. The pair of you had never gotten along, despite sharing the same friend group. There was something about him that just made you want to punch that beautiful face.

Johnny looked at you and smirked, he couldn't see your scowl from the shadow of his own dark bangs. He was in the shadows and all you could see was the gleam of his eyes in the low light and the slight curl of his lips. He raised a brow at you "I wonder why that was?" He said, his soft tone laced with smug sarcasm, earning a scoff. "I did get asked. Just..something came up." you grumbled, rolling your eyes at his antics. He smirked at you and leaned back, crossing his arms "Really? Your date" He hissed the last word as if the very word was enough to bring him pain "Bailed on you at the very last minute, and you've got nothing better to do? No one else asked you to be their date, so you've just been sitting here alone?" he wondered.

"Everyone else is with their dates so I don't really have a choice." you huffed, leaning back slightly into your chair. "What about you? where's your date?" you brought up, looking at him curiously. He normally had girls swooning over him all the time. He scoffed and looked away, he tried his best to avoid eye contact with you. He wasn't going to admit the girl he asked had rejected him "Eh, she cancelled last minute too," He lied, his voice strained. It was obvious he was lying but he wasn't going to admit that the one girl he liked rejected him. The smug smirk he had was still there, as if he was trying to show you he didn't really care. "You asked and she said no, didn't you?" you asked quietly, a soft chuckle escaping you.

He looked at you, the smirk quickly turning into a scowl. He hated the fact that he'd been so easily read. "No she didn't, she had something else to do" He said, he was trying to make it seem like he was telling the truth and he hadn't asked the girl he was in love with and been rejected. "What does it matter anyway?" He asked, avoiding your eyes. "She's missing out." you murmured softly, glad for the dimmed lighting so he couldn't see your pink cheeks. Johnny's jaw almost hit the floor when you made the comment that the girl was missing out on him. He looked at you in disbelief because no one had ever complimented him. He quickly regained his composure and his smile was restored, as if he hadn't been caught by surprise. "You think so?" He asked you, he tilted his head, hoping to hear you say you agreed again and compliment him more

"Just because you hate me, doesn't mean I can't compliment you." you chuckled lightly, face softening as you looked over. Johnny's face reddened a bit at the compliment, he wasn't used to someone telling him something like that without having ulterior motives. He looked over at the dance floor, thinking about the fact that he didn't have a date and how you were alone too. "So.." He started, trying to sound nonchalant "Why don't you just come and dance with me?" he blurted out, standing up. "I…are you sure? you don't have to-" you started, eyes widening slightly as he took your hand and pulled you up.

"Nah, I want to dance with you," He pulled you up and his soft grip was firm enough to hold your hand and lead you through the crowd. He pushed people out of the way as you made your way to the floor. You saw a few shocked faces from people as they saw the two of you together, enemies to lovers was something everyone knew about but now the two of you were dancing together without even trying. Johnny turned to you slowly and started to guide you as the two of you danced. "..since when do people dance with their enemies?" you murmured, trying to make a joke as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He smirked as he heard you, his hand tightened on your back slightly more. His grip was firm but he felt his fingers twitch slightly with his nervousness. He couldn't believe the two of you were dancing "Well, if I'm honest, I've never really hated you." He said, his tone was still nonchalant like what was happening wasn't even remotely weird. He pulled you just a little closer to him and kept dancing.

"…what?" you asked, mouth slightly agape as you looked up at him as he towered over you. "But-" you started before he cut you off mid-sentence. Johnny smirked at you, his eyes were filled with that signature smugness as he looked at you "You heard me, I've never hated you, and I'm not going to let you have a bad night just because your date left you at the last minute," He said softly, making the statement seem like it was fact. "You deserve to have fun." He explained. "You're telling me we've been enemies for no reason?!" you whined, earning a laugh from him as he gazed down lovingly. Johnny smirked playfully and nodded his head. He liked how mad that made you, it made you cute and vulnerable and he could feel his grip tensing around you. He kept his tone nonchalant and unbothered even as you were shocked by the statement. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. We've always butted heads because we're just too similar." He teased, his eyes meeting yours through the dim lighting.

He rummaged around his pocket, looking for something before he gently grabbed your arm, putting something on it. “what are you do-” you started as he interrupted again. “look, now we match!” he smirked, the corsage he'd put on your wrist matching the flower on his suit pocket. He smirked as he looked over at your wrist. It was the first time you've ever seen the guy smile genuinely with absolutely no sarcasm, sarcasm or smug expression that was always plastered all over his face. Johnny felt his grip slip slightly around your waist, and you felt him look down at you and his smirk faded into a soft smile that made you squeal quietly. His lips felt so close to yours, the two of you were barely an inch from each other's lips. He was enjoying every second of the slow dance he was sharing with you.

You let out a soft gasp as the next song started playing, recognising it instantly. "This is my favourite song!" you grinned. Johnny's grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly again and he pulled you a little closer, he noticed you let out a small gasp as the next song started playing. He smiled and looked over at you, he had realised you were familiar with the song which made this moment even better. The two of you danced, his hand never leaving your back once. Johnny was enjoying every minute he spent with you, even if only for the night, he felt like a new person and felt like everything was right with the world. His lips were so close to yours. "I've always wanted a love like this song." you murmured gently, a little frown on your face.

Johnny's grip around you tightened even more and his eyebrows furrowed together as he listened closely to you. The two of you had been dancing for a while and Johnny felt like he could be himself with you. He looked at you from the corner of his eyes and smiled, he felt his heart beat faster and he bit his lip as he saw your frown. He couldn't explain it but he really wanted to see you smile and that made the tension between the two of you so much higher "This song reminds me of you." he admitted, gently brushing hair out of your face. "..oh yeah?" you murmured, a small smile on your face.

Johnny smirked at you and nodded his head once. A blush had appeared on his cheeks which made him slightly embarrassed to admit the song reminded him of you. "I have a secret..it might sound lame but-" He started, he hesitated for a moment before continuing "Ever since I heard this song, it always reminds me of you." He looked at you and the song started to pick up. "if you're in the mood, we can tiptoe to the moon." you softly sang along, eyes on him only. Johnny's head whipped towards you as he realised you were singing along with him, he was in shock that you knew the song. He felt his heart beat faster as you continued to sing and his cheeks flushed as red as a tomato. He was in awe that you could sing the song and sing it pretty well. Johnny was still amazed, he continued dancing with you, and the song picked up more and he kept dancing. He looked down at you, you were so beautiful and he found himself starting to fall in love with you.

Maybe tonight wasn't so bad after all.

----

You stood outside as some of your friends left the restaurant, arms wrapped around you as you tried to keep yourself warm from the summer breeze, taking in the night. Johnny had followed you outside, he was aware it was cold outside. He came up behind you and wrapped a jacket around your shoulders, he had seen you were trying to keep yourself warm from the breeze. Johnny felt his heart beat faster as he put the jacket on you. He was enjoying your company alone but was finding it hard to admit. The boy leaned against the wall, arms crossed and his head leaned against the wall facing you. He was admiring your beauty even more in the dim lighting, it was surreal. "You're gonna be cold-" you started.

"I don't care." He said simply and brushed your hair away from your face. There was no trace of a smirk or smugness in his tone to you. Johnny was being genuine with you and it was almost like he was acting like you were two people in love. He looked at you for a few seconds as his eyes traced every feature of your face before he spoke again. "I'm not leaving you out here alone. It's cold." He said, his tone was still gentle and worried for you. "What time is it?" you asked gently, gazing at the moon.

Johnny was in awe of how beautiful you were when you looked at the moon. You looked like a painting come to life and it made his heart beat out of his chest. "It's about half eleven, pretty late for you to be out here on your own." He said softly, he didn't want you to catch a cold. He still had his arms crossed and his head leaning against the wall, the way he was leaning made his shoulder press into yours. You could feel his warmth against you. "I should probably get home." you hummed gently, not wanting to leave.

"Yeah, you probably should." He answered quietly, he was getting lost in his thoughts on how beautiful you looked. Johnny was so close to you that he could smell your perfume, a sweet scent that made him want to bury his head in your neck and inhale the smell but he refrained himself from doing that. "I can walk you home." He said quietly, not taking his eyes off you. "..that would be nice, yeah." you smiled at him, intertwining your hand with his. Johnny smiled back at you, his eyes twinkling as he saw the happiness in your eyes. You two looked like a picture perfect couple as you held hands and he led you off the premises of the building. He felt safe holding hands with you, like he was in his comfort zone. You'd never held hands with each other before but it felt so right and natural that you both kept hold of each other's hands all the way to your house

"..I could get used to this." you mumbled gently, still holding his hand as you stopped at your doorstep. Johnny felt the same way, he enjoyed holding hands with you and he didn't want to let go. His mind was filled with thoughts and he couldn't fathom how he was acting this way around you but he was enjoying it. He stopped at your doorstep and he was still holding onto your hand, he didn't want to let go even now but he understood he probably should. "I could too." He murmured back, his fingers tightened ever so slightly around yours. “you don’t have any idea how much I love you.” you blurted out, cheeks heating up instantly and your gaze on the floor.

Johnny was shocked when you blurted that out, the shock was displayed on his face briefly before he covered it up with a smile. He felt his heart beat out of his chest and his body heat up at the same time as his cheeks. Everything turned hot and he felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn't believe those words had just been said to him. Johnny opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He stood there for a while, before he managed to reply to you properly.

"I love you too."

[sweet-villain]

My Heart Stands Still~ E.M

Angst

Summary: Eddie is dealing with your death.

Summary : I'm sorry this is short, but I needed to write this as I am dealing with losing someone.

The feeling of losing someone you love is an indescribable pain that cuts deep into your heart. It's a pain that consumes you, leaving you with a heavy weight on your chest and tears constantly streaming down your face. 

The thought of never being able to see or talk to them again is unbearable. You find yourself crying at the smallest reminder of them - a familiar scent, a song that you used to listen to together, or even a simple memory. Every little thing seems to trigger a wave of emotions and tears.

That is how Eddie felt as he stood standing with everyone else that knew you. That loved you. That cared deeply for you. Your friends and your loved once. But they didn't know the feeling like Eddie.

He loved you.

He feels like a part of him has been taken away, a part of him that he would never get back. The sadness and the grief seems never ending and he wondered when will he ever move on. Will he move on?

The realization that he will never hear your voice or feel your touch again is like a knife to his heart. His mind is flooded with regrets and what ifs, and he starts to question every moment that he had with you.

He wished he could turn back time and cherish every second, but it's too late. The pain of losing you, the person he love is not just emotional, it's psychical too. It's a constant ache in his chest that makes it hard for him to breathe.

It feels like he is suffocating, drowning in his own tears.

The world around him seems to continue on, but he feels stuck in never ending cycle of grief.

He tried finding comfort in his memories, his friends, his band, talking to Wayne, but they only brought him more tears. More anger too.

It's a rollercoaster of emotions, from anger and disbelief to sadness and numbness. He couldn't feel anything close to what he felt when you were here. It's the thought of facing life without you is daunting and overwhelming. How was he suppose to graduate? How was he suppose to get his first gig? His first dance? Without you. It seems impossible.

But through all the tears and pain, he holds onto the love you two shared. He holds onto the moments that made him laugh and the memories that brought him joy.

The first smile you gave him. The first sparkle in your eye when he said your name. The first time he made you laugh. The first lame joke he shared with you. The first time you came over. The first kiss. The first hug. The first hand holding. The first time you told him you loved him.

He holds onto every note you have given him. It's stored underneath his bed.

But then there was anger. Eddie couldn't help but go back to it.

The anger that he felt in the situation had been all consuming, as he struggled to make sense to why this happened. He found himself asking, " Why her? Why now? We were happy. Why did she leave me?'These questions may have never been answered, leaving him frustrated.

He felt anger at himself, too.

He wasn't able to protect you at your final moments. You didn't listen to him. You didn't stay.

You chose your own path with danger staring right at you.

" Eddie? Are you in here?" he heard banging on his bedroom door. His head turns, glancing at it and rolls his eyes knowing that Dustin is the one that would keep bugging him on where he was. He just want to wallow in his own tears.

They didn't know what's like. Dustin had Suzy. El had Mike. Robin had Vicky. Max had Lucas. Nancy had Jonathan. Steve had someone. Blah.

" We're worried about you, Eddie" he heard Robin's voice this time. They all had ears to the door hoping to hear some sort of life behind the door.

Eddie laid on his unmade bed, with a photo of you two on his chest as he holds it to himself. He has no more tears to shed and he doesn't remember the last time he took a shower as piles of clothes lay on the floor, his back pack is opened with his notes all over the floor.

He hasn't worked on a new campaign in months, even. He hasn't been going to band practice either.

Everyone was better off without Eddie. That's what he thought.

It felt like everyone else moved on from you, only Eddie was the one to have his world stopped. Because you died and he couldn't save you. He wasn't there.

It wasn't fair.

" We're here for you, bud" he hears the sound of Steve's voice. " You're not going through this alone" he adds. Eddie rolls his eyes.

Yeah, like Steve knew what he was going through.

" Please" he hears Max say. " I know your in there, it's all going to be okay" she adds with a broken voice, he can hear her trying to hold it together.

" She was our friend, she was our best friend. Eddie..." Nancy says.

They sighed when they saw that the door was not going to be opened. They all waited and waited, sitting outside in hopes that Eddie would walk through the door.

It wasn't until about midnight when the door finally opened. Heads shot up and feet scrambled off the ground as they all looked towards the door.

He finally stepped out. He looked like he hasn't slept in days. There wasn't much color to his face. His hair was ragged and looked like some butter ran through on top of his hair.

Eddie held a picture frame in his arms and he was dressed in one of your hoodies that you had given to him.

It doesn't smell like you anymore, sadly. But you wore it for him many times before you were gone.

Eddie's lips quivered and tears ran down his cheeks as he collapses to the ground in a harsh cry.

Arms wrap around him as they hold him up. He leans onto them like they were going to vanish into the air. Max is holding Eddie, as she hold him tight showing him she wasn't going anywhere. He sobs into her shirt, soaking it with tears.

" Why her.... why..." Eddie keeps repeating through his sobs. Eddie couldn't see everyone's faces as they cried along with him, missing you and wishing you were still here.

It wasn't fair that you were the one to be taken away from them. To deal with this pain.

You didn't deserve it.

Steve wiped his tears with the back of his hands as he catches Robin's eye. They shared a look upon one another that understood the other what it meant.

They weren't going to let you disappear. You left a mark on their lives.

You were their friend.

There was so many memories made.

Your death wasn't going to be forgotten.

The sniffling coming from Eddie has stopped as he rose his head from Max and looks down at the picture he's holding. His fingers brush over your face, your happy and smiling face and his raises his head up as he stared at his friends.

" I want revenge"

[ranposbabe]

Delightful | William James Moriarty x Reader

Chapter 13

“Violet blue green red to keep me at arms length don’t work-

“Shut it !” The man barks, throwing the the knife against th bar. You’re too fed up to even flinch despite your back being pressed against the cooling bars.

“You’ve been mumbling that blasted song for the last hour now !

“Well what else am I suppose to do ?” You scoff, somewhat curious of any actual options of what else there was to do. Sit and rot away. Nothing new basically.

A sudden bang went off. So quick !

They’ve got guns. You were a fool to think that maybe they’d starve you to death or you’d just die really slowly when you no longer had the will to live.

As if you weren’t even in the room, he’s quick to leave to discover what exactly had caused such commotion. When he stumbles out of the room it isn’t long until you hear the commotion of yelling along with the sound of another bang. You somehow could make out the thud of something or rather someone hitting the floor. Curiosity killed the stupid cat.

The door suddenly opens and suddenly the room feels too occupied.

You slowly prepared yourself to turn around to look your killer dead in the eyes.

When people are moments away from meeting death, they typically think about their loved ones or what they did wrong in life but yours ? You’d actually kill for a drink right now. “If you’re going to kill me then you’re better off just doing it now-

You didn’t look up to face any of the men who took you. The man you now stared up at in worry and slight wonder was none other than William himself.

He stood there dressed in all black

If you thought the man’s outfits were unusual before this just proved it even more. William takes the keys in his pocket to unlock your forlorn cage. You’re suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of exhaustion, you don’t dare to ask any questions despite them all running through your mind.

“You’re not hurt are you ?”

You can barely shake your head as his words play over and over in your head. When was the last time you’ve heard his voice ? You’re still sat on the cold ground as he stands over you. You could’ve sworn this has happened before ?

His gloved hand reaches out for you to take and you’re rather hesitant in doing so. Maybe it was because you were cold but you’ve never felt so much warmth from another’s hand. Then again he was wearing gloves. “Are we leaving this place ?” You’re desperate for certainty and William grants it as he confirms with a nod of certainty as you hurriedly escaped the unfamiliar scenery.

When you both find yourself outside, you’re quickly welcomed by not the greetings but the sight of the others.

But it’s Albert’s smile towards William makes you freeze in your spot with realisation. You’re quick to let go of his hand.

You don’t look at anyone as you mumble a small thanks. You’ll be sure to show your gratitude once you’re certain you’re away from here. The sudden rush of embarrassment takes over you and tears almost spill but with a shake of your head they’re gone before they even appear.

Due to your circumstances, no one could blame as as you looked behind your shoulder, making sure that no others were accompanying you along with the others.

If something like this were to happen again could William and the others save you once more ?

Could they do it again ? Could William do it again ? You weren’t exactly hoping to find out. You’re slightly unsure when making your way to their carriage.

It was kinda funny before all this you’d never even been near one and yet you were nearly hit by one and kidnapped in another. What are the odds ?

You had to remind yourself that this wasn’t like before. William sits across from you as he loosely wraps a coat around your shoulders. You didn’t attempt to adjust it as it hangs loosely around your shaking shoulders. The coldness was starting to get to you.

Calm and collected. You were slightly intimidated to be the only one somewhat shaken by what happened. You were confused beyond. Had they done this before ? All of them were well composed even in such a situation like this.

William and his brothers share a certain look. Your eyes flutter shut as slumber slowly begins to take over. But before they did Williams sees the lifelessness still in your eyes. He understands it.

So many people have that look in their eyes just like you. Perhaps you’re just another one of the people William wants to see the light appear back into their eyes. Another reason to carry on with his cause.

As you got out of the carriage you couldn’t help but stand still as the fresh air felt so freely against your skin. As you placed your hands into the pockets your left hand was quick to retract as something unfamiliar touched your fingers. There was something in the pocket.

In your pocket something crumbled touched your fingers. You pull it out and inravell the piece of torn paper to find six words written. Your brows furrow in confusion. Not only are you confused by how the note has ended up in your possession but the six words throw you into more wonder. Simple words that threw you completely off guard.

He is the lord of crime.

if you wish to be added to the taglist please comment below to let me know!!!

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[dragon-creates]

Five Times Jax and Pomni Share Dreams of Their Past Lives (And One Time Where They Remember)

Read on AO3

Read Part 2 Here

1/2/3/4/5/6

Jax and Pomni know that they can’t actually dream in this digital world, nor can they remember who they were before coming here. But after retiring to their sleeping quarters each night, they begin to have dreams of people who they have never seen before, not the circus themed cast of characters within this realm, but real people! Why do they seem do real? Why do these dreams feel more like memories? And why do these people remind them so much of each other?

I can't believe how much the silly circus show won me over, and how much brainrot these two have given me. I won't update for I while as I have other wips for different fandoms I'm working on but I wanted to get the first chapter up to help motivate me. Anyways I hope you like this and check out the rest of my tumblr to see what I get up to.

Also yes the chapter titles are Taylor Swift songs because I'm weak.

Fearless

The air was crisp and cool, though not to the point where people were shivering in their costumes, neon lights were in every corner anyone could see, flashing the paths with pinks, purples and green, different stalls and rides were up, ranging from candy apples and sweets stand to rollercoasters and Ferris wheels and every single person were dressed as either monsters, characters or whatever their imaginations would come up with. Truly, the festival had set the perfect atmosphere for Halloween…well, everyone except for Penny.

She was a short young woman, 23 years of age with long dark hair that reached her waste and curtain bangs along her forehead, with pale skin and a bony structure (she hated that part about herself).

It wasn’t that she was forced to come here – she had heartily accepted when her sister Riley and her girlfriend Winter asked – but now that she was here, she wasn’t so sure anymore. Penny wasn’t really the bravest person around, she flinched at the slightest sound, she dreaded talking to new people who would come her way and had relied on her older sister to help her out for most of her life, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t trying to overcome any of it. After all it wasn’t like she could control her anxiety, it was something she struggled with ever since she was little. But tonight, she wanted to prove that she was able to enjoy Halloween outside the comfort of handing out candy to trick-or-treaters from the safety of her home. So far, she really did like it, she had fun buying sweets and going on rollercoasters, and though it could be overbearing and loud sometimes, Riley and Winter would take her to a nearby café to help Penny catch her breath before doing something else.

However, this was part of the night that she both desperately wanted and dreaded doing…the haunted funhouse. She knew what was in there, jump scares, clowns and nightmares to last for the next few nights to come, but she didn’t want to miss out, now when she heard about how much fun people have had in there. She just wanted to prove that she wasn’t this scared little nobody, that she was a person who wanted to have fun like everyone else, to enjoy the things that everyone else had fun with. So here she was, dressed in a hastily sewn purple rabbit onesie of her own making (she had made it in a time crunch when learning about the festival) into a terrifying funhouse that deep down, where she wasn’t lying to herself, she did not want to go in.

“Penny no,” she turned to see Riley, holding Winter’s hand as the other girl was texting someone on her phone, “You know what your anxiety’s like, you don’t have to go in there.”

Riley had quite a lean build with noticeable muscle on her arms, she had shoulder length dark red hair, brown eyes and pale skin. She was four years older than Penny, and while she did seem a bit intimidating, she was always soft and protective over her younger sister.

“He’s still not answering,” Winter murmured, shaking her head, “He was supposed to meet us an hour ago.” Winter was slightly taller than Riley, with dark black hair and eyes with a tanned complexion. The two women were dressed in a couple’s costume, Riley as Poison Ivy and Winter as Harley Quinn, they were also supposed to meet with Winter’s friend, but the mystery person still hadn’t shown up yet.

“Maybe he’ll show up while I’m in the funhouse?” Penny suggested as Riley sighed, “I’ll be quick in there, if I run then I’ll have less time to acknowledge the bad stuff in there!”

“Penny, I know you and I know that if you go in there, you’re gonna have a panic attack,” Riley took her little sister’s hand, offering her a pleading gaze, “Please just stay out here with us and we’ll meet up with Winter’s friend. We could go on the rollercoaster again; I know you really enjoyed that one.”

Penny smiled fainty, Riley looking out for her wasn’t anything new, but she didn’t want her sister to be burdened with her. It wasn’t right, Riley deserved to live her life, have fun with Winter and not worry about her scaredy-cat sister all the time, she deserved better than that.

When Riley turned to face Winter again, Penny pulled her hand out of her sister’s and ran into the funhouse, ignoring Riley calling her name the deeper she went in.

She took a few more deep breaths, she was doing! She was doing it and oh…oh she fucked up. There were multiple paintings of disfigured clowns peering down at her from the halls, the eerie sounds of deranged crying and laughing made her hairs stand on end, there were paths twisting and turning as they reminded her that she could get lost in this dreadful house and mirrors that not only showed her in different shapes and sizes, but also her terrified expression. Riley was right, this was too much for her, she didn’t even want to come in here in the first place why did she do this?!

A crazed laugh made her jump, looking carefully over her shoulder, she noticed a tall jester from down the hall, his yellow suit stained with red, and his mask had a twisted smile, hiding dark secrets that she didn’t want to find out. With a scream, she tore off down the hall, the jester chasing after her. She knew that were going to be actors, trained with scaring the guests, but it didn’t mean that she liked it! She really, really shouldn’t have come in here.

She skidded to a stop when she came to a dead end, her back pressing to the wall as the jester came closer and closer to her. She bit back a fearful yelp as he slammed a hand next to her head, peering down at her. She took a few more breaths, trying to keep calm. This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real repeating the mantra in her head to help herself from screaming out…before fainting right into the jester’s arms.

.

.

.

“You have some nerve scaring her like that?! Aren’t you supposed to be trained with scenarios like this?!”

Penny groaned at the sound of a loud and angered voice, it sounded like it belonged to a woman and seemed very familiar.

“I am trained for your information!” A male voice retaliated, “I didn’t know she was going to faint!”

“Okay, Riley calm down, Jack be nice!” Another female voice entered the conversation, sharper and more direct than the other two, “What happened right now was an accident, we just need to wait and see if Penny wakes up before we call an ambulance, that was the procedure right Jack?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the male voice was quiet now, “I’m sorry again Winter, I genuinely didn’t know.”

Penny opened her eyes, squinting at the light as she sat up on what seemed to be a mattress. “Oh good you’re awake,” there was a woman she had never seen before beside her, wearing a white hoodie with a red cross on it, “My name is Lianne, I’m a paramedic for the funhouse in case something like this happens.”

“Penny! Oh thank God!” Riley rushed over to her, wrapping her arms around her younger sister and pressed a kiss at the side of her head, “You gave me a heart attack going into that house, and then hearing that you fainted?! Don’t ever do that again!”

Oh that’s right, she fainted, that explained why Riley sounded so angry when she woke up. God help which soul she was speaking to that suffered her wrath. “I’m okay Riley, you were right I shouldn’t have gone in,” Penny sighed, “I’m just tired of not being normal so I wanted to prove-”

“-You don’t have to prove shit,” Riley interrupted, “And you are normal, who the fuck made you think you had to go into a haunted house to prove that you’re a ‘normal person’?”

“Uh…myself?” Penny smiled awkwardly.

Riley shook her head and smiled, it was good to see that she wasn’t actually mad, just really worried, but to be fair worse had happened to Penny to make her sister go into ‘overprotective mode’. “Just don’t push yourself too hard again, okay?” she asked. Penny nodded again, Riley smiled one last time before her eyes furrowed and she turned away to face someone else, “And as for you!”

Penny looked up to see how her sister was talking to when her cheeks suddenly turned red from embarrassment. It was the jester from earlier! He was quite a tall man, with golden brown skin and eyes, with his hair in short dreads pulled up into a ponytail. His face with mixed with both frustration and shame, it wasn’t helping with Riley shouting at him.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook for scaring my little sister!” Riley growled, “I can’t believe you made her faint!”

“How did I make her faint?!” he retorted, “I’ve never had a reaction like hers before I didn’t know she was that scared!”

“That is enough!” Winter stepped in, grabbing them both painfully by the ear for a few seconds and then let them go, “Riley, go outside so I can talk with you, and Jack please apologize to Penny.”

Jack signed, turning to Penny as the girl flushed even more, she still couldn’t believe she fainted in front of him! “I’m sorry,” he said honestly.

“This is the friend I was taking about,” said Winter, “We were supposed to meet up, but he got called in since someone cancelled their shift last minute, but someone forgot to text us!”

“What are you taking about?” He reached into his pocket for his phone, “I sent you message before my…oh…I forgot to actually send it.”

Penny snorted, she tried to hold it in, but she burst out laughing instead, she couldn’t help it, the absurdity of the situation was just too much. She was so caught up in laughing that she didn’t catch the soft smile that Jack had at her reaction.

“Jesus Christ Jack,” Winter rubbed her temples, “What am I gonna do with you?”

“I have a few ideas,” Riley glared at him.

“Okay, you!” She grabbed Riley’s hand, “Come with me, Jack, keep Penny company while I have a chat with my girlfriend.”

“What?!” Penny and Jack said in unison, but Winter had already slammed the door.

“I should, um,” They whipped round to see that the paramedic was still here, having witnessed the entire interaction, “I should go tell my boss that there’s no need to call an ambulance.”

With that, she rushed out the door, leaving the two to stew awkwardly with one another. Penny’s rapidly beating heart wasn’t helping either, she really didn’t want to have another fainting episode again. It didn’t help that this Jack guy was really handsome. Huh? Why did I think that?

“So…” she spoke up, gulping as Jack turned to her, his eyes focused as though he were studying her, like a bug being examined, “What’s the jester like life? I mean! What's the jester life like?! Not the other one, forget about that. In fact don’t talk to me at all! Or do! Don’t let me tell you what to do, I mean, you’re not the one spouting out word vomit!” Jack raised an eyebrow at her, Penny shoved her reddening face into her hands.

It was then Jack’s turn to start laughing, messy chortles escaping his mouth at her bizarre sentence, leading Penny to pout at his reaction. “Sorry toots,” the laughter died down once he saw he face, “I thought you were funny, didn’t mean to offend you. And to answer your question, the jester life is pretty good.”

“You think I’m funny?” she asked. It wasn’t the first time someone laughed at her, but not because they found her humorous.

“Yeah, not everyone can ‘spout word vomit’ and make it cute,” he told her.

Penny blushed. Okay, first he found her funny and now he found her cute, she really hoped he couldn’t hear how loud and fast her heart was beating. “Um, sorry for fainting on you,” she murmured, “Surprisingly it was not the lowest moment of my life.”

“You’re sorry for fainting?” He raised a brow at her again.

“Well it led to my sister yelling out you,” she told him, “I’m sorry about that as well, Riley can get pretty overprotective over me or our mom.”

“Yeah, Winter warned me about that,” he replied, remembering the way he tried to not tremble at her fiery gaze. “If looks could kill.”

“Tell me about it,” Penny nodded, her eyes scanned the costume he was wearing, now having a face attached to it made it less frightening. The way the fabric was stitched and how the everything on the piece was placed, it looked less like something from a Halloween shop and more something homemade. “Did you make this?”

“Huh, oh this? I wish,” he said, “I actually had it commissioned, sure it cost a bit more, but I wanted it to feel a bit more real, you know, to scare people and that.”

“Yeah, well it definitely worked,” Penny giggled, “As someone who does commissions for others as well, its nice when someone reaches out for us to make something.”

“Us?” he titled his head.

“I’m a costume designer, well, studying a course in costume design at college,” Penny explained, “I noticed how your outfit was made and it instantly clicked in my brain.”

“Oh really? Did you also make that rabbit suit you’re wearing?” he asked as he pointed to her onesie.

Penny rolled her eyes, “Not my best work but I had limited time when Winter and Riley asked me if I wanted to come to the Halloween festival. But hey, its warm and cozy for the season!”

“I think it looks cute on you,” he smiled and winked at her. It was a friendly wink, nothing behind it, but it still made Penny’s toes curl. “How about we start over, I’m Jack.” He held his hand out to her.

Penny took it in her own and shook it, “I’m Penny. So, how do you know Winter?”

There was a nervous flicker in his eyes, but he blinked it away before Penny asked anything else, “We meet as freshmen in high school, she was a few months older than me, but she took me under her wing, and we’ve been friends ever since. I met Riley as well when they started dating but I have a feeling I might be on her bad side now.”

Before Penny could say anything else, there was a crash and a scream before Winter and Riley rushed back into the room, slamming the door behind them. “We forgot this was a haunted funhouse,” Winter trembled, her and Riley’s faces paling.

Penny and Jack shared a glance, stifling their laughter as the couple pulled themselves together. “Anyways,” Riley brushed herself off, “We should head home and tell Mom what happened.”

“Right,” Penny nodded before turning back to Jack, “Hopefully we’ll see each other again, but somewhere else cause with all due respect I’m never stepping foot in this funhouse again.”

Jack chuckled, “That’s understandable, and sorry for scaring you again.”

“That’s okay, at least we finally met,” Penny grinned.

“Alright, home time for you miss,” Riley pulled Penny up, giving a final glare towards Jack before leading her sister away.

“It was nice to meet you, Jack!” Penny called back to him.

“The pleasure’s all mine!” Jack called back, giving Winter a hug before she chased after the sisters.

In the car ride back home, Penny found herself smiling. Jack was nice, granted she wished it didn’t take fainting for them to meet but she was glad she did. “So,” Winter turned in the passenger seat to face Penny in the back, “Sorry that it was under these events how you met Jack, hopefully you were okay with him.”

“I’m not,” said Riley, focused on the road.

“Just keep driving mama bear,” Winter rolled her eyes before turning to Penny again.

“I was okay with him, we actually got on pretty well,” she admitted, “I’m glad I finally met him.”

Winter smiled and turned to Riley to smirk at her, “So, it looks like ‘big bad Jack’ won over your little sister.”

“Must you taunt me?” Riley groaned.

“But that why you love me so much,” Winter teased kissed her loudly on the cheek, “It was my taunting that drew you to me.”

Riley tried and failed to repress a lovesick grin. Penny chuckled at her older sister and turned to face out the window again, counting the stars that passed. Hopefully she would meet Jack again.

.

.

.

Pomni woke with a start. What on this digital earth was that?!

Ever since she arrived here, she never had actually dreams before. Whenever she ‘slept’ it felt like she was switching off, like a button on a computer game and blacked out before she was ‘switched on’ again.

But that dream, why did it feel so real? She remembered the concept of dreams, how anything random would happen and the little control you would have over them. Maybe she was a lucid dreamer in her past life and that’s why this one had more will power in it?

She thought back to that Penny girl, she acted so much like her, the nervousness, her fear of mostly everything and her reaction when she went into that funhouse. Although now, she would gladly take that funhouse over this ‘Amazing Digital Circus’.

Then there was Penny’s sister, Riley. Despite how threatening she was at first glance, the protectiveness she had with her sister and the loved-filled eyes for her girlfriend made her feel a bit safer than she ever felt here.

Did Pomni have a family before the circus, did she have an older sister that would protect with without a second thought? Did she have a family that worried about her, wondering what happened to her?

Then she thought of Jack. She thought about him interacting with Penny, how cheeky yet sweet he was with her. And the way he looked at Penny. She felt herself blushing. In a way, his laidback attitude and mischievous grin, he reminded her a little bit of Jax…

She shook her head, she was being ridiculous, regardless of what Ragatha said when she came here, this was just and only a dream. Besides, it probably wouldn’t happen again, and things would return to its usual format here, just switching on and off again.

She sighed and shoved off her bed sheets, mentally preparing herself for whatever sanity Caine had up his sleeves.

Its not like anyone else was having these types of dreams, right?

That would be the case…for anyone who wasn’t Jax.

The rabbit was currently at the breakfast table, he Gangle and Kinger waiting for everyone else to arrive.

Just when he thought we finally got used to this place, he had an actual dream last night, not the usual shut down he received every night. He remembered every detail from the lights of the festival to the noises supplied from the funhouse and that Jack guy in the jester costume.

There wasn’t much he got from the dream about him, just that was someone who worked to scare people and make money out of it, honestly it seemed the ideal career path he would take if he weren’t stuck here.

But what made that dream so memorable for him was that Penny girl. The way she would shyly peek through her hands, to her kind smile and her knowledge with costumes, and of course he couldn’t forget about her fainting spell. Talk about an unexpected surprise.

Although, she did seem sweet in a way, whoever this Jack guy was he hoped that he was smart enough to see her again. Jax sighed, what was he talking about? This was a dream, plain and simple, yet here he was acting as though he knew this Jack person.

Just leave it he thought bitterly its stupid anyway.

“I’m gonna check where the rest of them at,” he told Gangle and Kinger, “Zooble probably lost one of his arms again, so I might as well hide it if that’s the case.”

“Wouldn’t you rather help them find it?” Gangle whimpered.

Jax huffed out a laugh, “And where’s the fun in that?”

He got out from his chair, only to bump into another body, almost losing his balance, “Hey, watch where your-”

He looked down to see Pomni sitting on the ground, probably from him bumping into her, her red and blue eyes widening when she realised what she did.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she burst out, “Usually I sit next to you whenever we eat, and I didn’t see you sitting up but I’m still really sorry either way I shouldn’t have done that-”

“-Not the other one, forget about that. In fact don’t talk to me at all! Or do! Don’t let me tell you what to do, I mean, you’re not the one spouting out word vomit!”

“I’m really sorry!”

Jax snapped out of his trance, looking down at Pomni again, her eyes looking both sad and apologetic. He signed, reaching down to pull her up by the end. “Relax pom-pom, it wasn’t like you planned to do that…unless?”

“What, no, of course not!” she yelped.

 Jax laughed, the newbie was easy to rile up.

“Shut up Jax,” Zooble moved past him to get to their spot, “Let’s just get breakfast over with before we need to deal with the headache Caine is gonna give us.”

“Whatever,” Jax slumped back into his seat, Pomni gently placing herself upon hers as Zooble and Ragatha did the same.

The way Pomni acted just then, the way she was quick to flush and stutter over her words, and the fact that she was so nervous about everything as well. It was all just like Penny.

No, don’t, don’t be stupid Jax. Jack isn’t real, Penny isn’t real, so don’t bother comparing her to Pomni.

With that, he let himself continue with his food.

But it wouldn’t be the last time he or Pomni would make these comparisons, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last time they had these ‘dreams.’

See you next time, let me know if I've written them well, this is the first time writing for this fandom. And who knows, perhaps next chapter the sillies might actually go on a date? 🤷

[lunarmelon]

TimeSkip!Garou Relationship Hcs! Pt.2!

This is definitely all over the place but that’s okay. This isn’t proofread lolz. Enjoy🍛🩵

Issues. This man has issues. Parental issues. Abandonment issues. I feel that aspect of him gets overlooked in fanfics.

He didn’t care what people thought about him in during his monster arc(not true) but when you told him you cared for him, that changed him. He wanted your approval, your opinions, your thoughts. Despite that, he would question why you care for someone like him. Someone with flaws like his. Again, abandonment issues. Needs reassurance from you. No one else. Well, besides Tareo and Bang.

Occasionally would find it hard to communicate nicely. Would be blunt about things, but not in a asshole way with you. He just doesn’t know how to say things sometimes.

During an argument, he would yell trying to get his point across. After an argument, he would go out and take a walk for a bit. Probably wont talk to you for a while, needs clarity. After awhile, will talk to you and figure something out together. That’s if the argument was abt something important.

Will sometimes pick up extra shifts, or work random jobs on eBay, just to do something extra for you both. Can’t say much in words, but will do things with and for you. Acts of service, and quality time.

He kinda likes to match outfits. Not like those cheesy ass Mickey/Minnie stuff(maybe king/queen lolz)

Didn’t listen to much music before since he didn’t have a phone. Now, he likes listening to music, but will still prefer silence. Will randomly send you songs that say, “listen to this!” Or “reminds me of you”

I would see him living outside but close to the city. A nice small house with the basic necessities near a woods and river. Nature is healing for him.

If he goes on a walk, he’ll return with a rock, a stick, or a flower and will give it to you and say, “For you” or “look, found this while out. Pretty cool, huh?”

He will catch himself wondering what future you and him will have. Will you both have kids? Adopt? How about pets? Will you both move? Somewhere dangerous? Somewhere nicer? Will you both have figured things out? Will you both still be together? …..duh!

Will follow you around. Going to the grocery store? He’s tagging along. Need to tend to plants outside? He’ll grab the watering can. Grabbing a snack from the kitchen? He’s right behind you. Taking the trash to the dumpster? He’ll hold the other trash bag so you don’t have to. Quality time.

He also loves ‘doing your own thing in eachothers presence’ thing. Finds it relaxing and enjoyable.

[fancylala4]

Honestly I am more sad and disappointed about the Ariana Grande thing(s) than anything else. Because Ariana is a celebrity that I really wish I could like. There's this TikTok where a white guy says he doesn't revel in the fact that Nicki Minaj is a bad person because he used to love her and defend her in middle school. And that's exactly how I feel about Ariana. I never "stanned" her nor was I ever a big fan of her(Melanie Martinez, Marina and the Diamonds, and Halsey were more my speed growing up), but I used to really admire her a lot for the feminist stances in her music(such as God is a Woman/Bang Bang/Don't Call Me Angel) and in real life(like that one makeup vs cell phone interview she had) and how outspoken she was about them. And also her body positivity because she was proud of her sexuality while also being very slender and not having any curves, and as someone who is also flat and curveless it made me happy to see that. But when I found out that she was a race chameleon all of that flew out the window, and now she is also an adulteress and even wrote an entire song about how she doesn't accept criticism for her actions and is proud of what she did.

Also back when I admired her for the reasons listed above i thought she was a brown Latina, meaning in addition to all of the above I embraced her as a woman of color like me. But really she's just white and racefishing. It infuriates me that people continue to give her the benefit of the doubt to this day just because they like her songs or because she has an amazingly beautiful voice, or because she has an "innocent" girl vibe(which just reeks of "white women are inherently innocent while woc aren't", because no one ever says this shit about women of color). And I hate how rancid and hostile her cult of personality is. Like seriously, girlypops. Do better. There are so many better and more talented female singers that you could be stanning instead. Just go listen to them instead of Miss Yes, And? Aside from how terribly she was treated/sexualized under D*n Schn*ider, I have no sympathy for her. 🙅🏾‍♀️

I agree with everything you said. I was a big fan of her first album and I still listen to it. But after she started to do brown face and copying other black artists songs and looks, I started to dislike her. It just reminds of those white artists like Christina and Miley who take black culture and aesthetics just to rebel against their innocence image. When they are done with that, they go back to their old image. Which is exactly what Ariana did. She has blonde hair and no tan now. Which is funny because her stans were yelling that she was dark because she’s Italian (which never made sense because she was always pale). 

The homewreaking she did was enough to turn most of the public against her and that trash ass song she wrote just shows us how vile she is. Of course her stans will defend her no matter what. They defended her when she licked those donuts and defended her changing her race every year. They will also go after anyone who is critical of her. They are just like Nicki stans.

[daegudrama]

Title: Heather

Pairing: Soogyu/Yeonbin

Summary: Heather is the girl everyone wants except Soobin. He wishes he was Heather because he loves Yeonjun, or does he? Performing a song spilling all your feelings is bold, but will it work in his favor? What of Soobin’s best friend, Beomgyu, suppressing his feelings to allow Soobin to work out his own feelings?

Word Count: 26,160 Words

Soobin 

The choir room is cold and the lack of attention towards me isn’t helping. I’m sitting in the back row of my section patiently waiting for Mr. Bang to start class. Someone is playing the piano on the left side of the room. Everyone is scattered dishing out the latest gossip. I find myself staring at the back of his head. 

He recently dyed his hair red, but I heard him say he wants it black before the winter concert. He thinks it’ll look better with the matching costumes his duet partner picked out. It seems so superficial and something he wouldn’t have said on his own. 

His hair looks lovely in its burgundy shade and I wish he didn’t care what other people thought. He’s too good for the people in this town. He’ll amount to more than anyone else in this room.

Every year two seniors get to choose the closing number for the winter concert. It’s a big production with props, colored lights and sometimes back up dancers. Yeonjun and Heather haven’t announced what song they’ve chosen. It will probably be a cliched duet knowing Heather. 

There’s nothing wrong with her. Actually, the complete opposite for most people. To a normal high school boy she’s the whole package. I don’t understand the adoration she gathers. Maybe it’s because I’m gay. 

Not that I’ve told anyone that. In this high school that’d make me dead meat. I get bullied enough without people knowing I like boys. Our administration does nothing despite countless reports from me and many others. I wouldn’t feel safe expressing my true self here. 

Mr. Bang decides to start class and Yeonjun sits in the seat directly in front of me. His cologne wafts back at me as he flops down. It’s the one his ex girlfriend bought him for his birthday last year. They broke up right before Valentine’s Day just shy of 11 months together.

Yeonjun and I are casual friends. We hang out after school occasionally and he invites me to parties I never go to. His ex asked me what scent he’d like and I told her my favorite. Yeonjun must love it if he keeps using it. 

Being a ‘quiet kid’ has perks. I learn so much gossip that I would never have learned otherwise. I pick up on people’s crushes and sometimes help push them in the right direction. Some students don’t like that which has resulted in a few drinks spilled on me and more than a few punches. My only hobbies being dancing and singing doesn’t really help either. 

Our warm ups remind me how pretentious most of the sopranos are. We aren’t auditioning girls. The first song we sing is a piece we learned last year. Some of the new students are still struggling despite being months into the school year already.

Yeonjun moves to the baritone section for this piece. He has a certain quality to his voice where he can fit whatever song we are performing. He prefers singing tenor but will occasionally join the others if he’s needed. Yeonjun is a great example for those who struggle to learn parts. 

His voice stands out to me only because I’ve heard it’s beautiful tone so many times. It’s obvious he’s practiced hard all summer. Yeonjun must be preparing for college auditions soon.

I get comfortable in my seat after the first song knowing Mr. Bang is about to go on twenty tangents. It’s almost December which is when things get hectic. Around this time of year we like to give back to our community. We do that by singing at retirement homes, the tree lighting ceremony and caroling at the light show.

Our choir does this as smaller groups to cover more ground and so venues don’t have to accommodate 50 of us. Mr. Bang pairs a few upperclassmen with some lowerclassmen. The juniors and seniors show the younger ones how we do things. It’s a bonding experience that helps us prepare for competitions later in the year.

“Soobin?” Beomgyu says from beside me waving a stack of papers in front of my face.

“Oh...sorry.” I say taking the stack of paper from his hands and taking one before passing it down the row.

I scan the paper looking for my small group assignment. There are ten people in each group. A smaller group means it’s easier to pick out mistakes. Without a good leader the lowerclassmen won’t learn anything constructive. 

Yeonjun and Heather are in my group. Of course, I got paired with the next it couple of this school. I’ve seen the way Yeonjun looks at her. Mr. Bang must want his closing duo to get even closer.

“Soobin.” I hear Yeonjun murmur from a few seats away. 

I don’t think I was meant to hear that but he’s smiling. My heart thumps and I desperately wish my body wouldn’t react like this. He’ll never like me. 

My eyes scan the room trying to listen to Mr. Bang but ultimately failing. Heather is looking towards the baritones. I wonder if her affectionate gaze is focused on the same man who made my heart thump.

“...Soobin and Beomgyu.” I tune in when I hear my name. “I would like each of you to see me after school for an audition in the auditorium. The winners will sing solos at the winter concert. If the dates listed don’t work for you please come speak to me privately and we’ll make arrangements.”

I don’t have extra curricular activities other than choir so I know my schedule is open. I scan the paper again and see I have until Friday to prepare. This is the most important thing to me right now. I have to make a good decision. 

Mr. Bang asks us to get our Christmas caroling books out and that’s all we sing for the rest of class. I’m thankful for lunch to come after hearing Carols of the Bells one too many times. A few of us are still having pitch issues.

Yeonjun catches up with me in the cafeteria line and smiles widely at me. I wonder why he’s so happy? Could I have something to do with it? I highly doubt it, but a boy can dream. 

Yeonjun is wearing simple jeans and a big shirt. He is wearing five earrings today. Two small hoops on each of his lobes and a small black stud in his cartilage. Some of our classmates used to make fun of him for his piercings and style. That was really rich coming from boys who think basketball shorts and jordans are the epitome of fashion.

“I’m happy you’re in my group. Six girls and four boys is a good mix. Especially with you, me and Heather.” He looks into the distance when he says her name. 

“We got lucky.” I reply, filling my plate with the questionable school food. 

There is a lot I want to say but I know jealousy is clouding my mind. Of course, the group will sound great but my mental health may suffer. Watching Yeonjun get closer to Heather through Hallmark worthy moments is bound to put anyone crushing on either of them on edge. I just have to add the fact that no one even knows I’m gay. It’s not like I can just confess to someone and get advice. No one would have good advice anyways. They’d tell me to move on, like I haven’t tried that already. 

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, piling fruit onto his plate. Then he perks up and looks into my eyes. Yeonjun’s bright eyes crinkle as he smiles.

“Are you excited to audition? It’s rare that he picks two juniors.” I pay for my food as he continues to speak to me excitedly. “I can help you rehearse.”

Yeonjun loves helping people especially when it comes to music. He has a drive and motivation that isn’t easily duplicated. His ideas and opinions are widely different from a lot of his peers. Over the years he has learned how to ignore people who don’t understand. I wish I could do the same. 

“I’m nervous.” I admit walking towards an empty table. “I’m going to spend the night looking for songs.”

“I think most of the people he chose will sing upbeat audition songs. Maybe you should look for a ballad.” 

Yeonjun sits across from me at the otherwise empty table. It’s so odd that he wants to eat lunch with me. Sure, we hang out occasionally but he never sits with me at lunch. He continues the conversation suggesting a few songs he thinks would suit my voice. A few members of our choir join our table. One of the seniors is jealous I was picked to audition over them. They think they are a better performer than me. It’s not true but whatever makes them happy. 

After dragging myself through the rest of the day I walk to my car. Someone taps on my window making me jump. I turn to see Yeonjun laughing and my heart flutters. I roll the window down and smile at him. His smile reaches the corner of his eyes.

“I know you never want to come but there is a bonfire on Saturday. It’s mostly going to be music and theatre kids.” He looks away for a second as Heather passes by. “I think you’d have fun. I’d like to see you there.”

He reaches into my car and pats my shoulder. I’m about to respond when his friend calls his name. He checks to see who it is then quickly turns back to me.

“Think about it, Binnie. Text me if you need help choosing a song.” 

Yeonjun runs off without another word and I’m feeling overwhelmed. He said he’d like to see me at the party and called me Binnie. I let out a loud squeal once I rolled the window up. Why can’t I control my feelings? This is getting pathetic.

I turn my music way too loud on my way home. Fools by Troye Sivan is blasting through the speakers when I pull into the driveway. I take a deep breath before shutting off my car and making my way inside. 

My parents aren’t home yet giving me plenty of time to make a snack and start my song hunt. I like to choose five songs and record myself singing each one and narrow it down from there. 

Of course, I listen to the ones Yeonjun suggested first. An hour later I’ve decided my top five songs. I accepted a long time ago that it’s quite over the top to do this but it’s what works best for me. Three of the five are songs Yeonjun suggested. He does know what fits my voice.

Interestingly, he only recommended songs by queer artists. I try not to think too deeply about that. Over analyzing this will only hurt me. As far as I know he’s straight and it’s not my place to push labels or ideas on him. 

Two more hours later I have the videos recorded. One of them I really don’t like and immediately trash. I’ve nearly gone insane from watching the videos on loop when my mother calls me to dinner.

She asks about my day and I tell her about my audition. My mother is much more supportive of my music than my father. He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I’ll never be more than someone who sings at dive bars. My father rarely comes to my concerts so he hasn’t seen my true potential. 

“I’m so proud of you! Have you decided on a song yet?”

I put a spoonful of rice in my mouth looking across the table. After chewing and swallowing I answer her.

“Not yet. I think I’m almost there.”

My mother starts suggesting songs she knows I won’t use. Afterwards she starts telling me a story about something that happened to her at work. By the end of the meal I’ve decided which song I’m going to audition with. 

Velvet Goldmine by Matt Alber, the second song Yeonjun suggested, is my final decision. This song is different from what my peers usually perform for auditions. Hopefully, it will help me stand out and secure the solo. 

I start my homework but keep getting distracted thinking of my audition. This one feels special and it is. Like Yeonjun said, it's not often Juniors get chosen for the winter concert solos. Mr. Bang must really see potential in us. 

To help me focus I put on a playlist of piano music. That helps me finish my dreaded math homework just before 10. I shower and prepare my clothes for tomorrow before settling in to browse social media. 

Beomgyu texts me around 11 asking if I‘ve already picked my audition song. He knows I like to have as long as possible to prepare. Before I can answer he asks what song. You think after three years of choir together, and years of friendship, he’d know that I don’t tell anyone.

I tell him that and he replies to say I’d tell Yeonjun. He’s not wrong but what worries me is why he thinks that. Is my crush too obvious? I do stare at him quite a lot. Beomgyu must have his suspicions by now he’s caught me in a few lies. 

After putting my phone on the charger I roll over and hope for peaceful sleep. Yeonjun often joins my dreams these days, but it’s never what I want. The most intimate thing that’s happened is a cheek kiss. Even my unconscious brain knows I don’t have a chance.

Several people ask me what song I’ve chosen over the next few days leading up to the audition. Particularly, the jealous seniors. I don’t tell anyone not wanting someone to steal my performance. 

“I’m excited to see what song you picked!” Yeonjun says following me to the auditorium on Friday. 

He hasn’t asked what song I’m singing. He said he wants to be surprised. I’ve only been practicing at home or in the soundproof practice booth. No one knows what I’m performing besides the accompanist.

Nearly the entire choir has come to watch auditions and it hardly makes me more nervous. Yeonjun sits in the row behind the people auditioning between Heather and Kai Huening, the freshman he’s taken under his wing.

Yesterday Mr. Bang gave us the order we will be auditioning in. I’m last meaning I have to sit through nine performances before it’s my time. Mr. Bang thanks the choir for coming to support those of us auditioning then calls the first person onto the stage. This choir has a lot of remarkable talent. 

Each note is making my anxiety grow larger. Beomgyu sang a beautiful ballad while everyone else sang up-tempo songs. Yeonjun was mostly right. Before my name is called Heather touches my shoulder and smiles at me. 

“You got this Soobin.” she says softly.

How can I hate her? She’s such an angel. 

“Thank you.” I say, waiting for Mr. Bang to call me.

“Next Soobin Choi.” He speaks into the microphone and my heart starts racing. 

A few members send me thumbs up and I take a deep breath. You can do this Soobin. You’ve been practicing so hard. Let’s get the solo.

“Hello I’m Soobin Choi and I’ll be singing Velvet Goldmine by Matt Alber.”

I can see Yeonjun perk up in the crowd as the first notes are played. This song shows my lower register and I’m excited to show it off. 

This isn’t a particularly hard piece but it’s not like the pop songs most of my classmates sang. Not that pop is bad. I love it, but standing out is a must here.

Mr. Bang seems surprised when I begin singing. Truly this isn’t a safe piece but it will keep him thinking about me. Everything goes exactly as I want it too. When the last note leaves my mouth my classmates are cheering for me. 

“Thank you, Soobin. The results will be emailed to those who auditioned tomorrow by ten in the morning.” Mr. Bang says as I walk off stage. “The two names listed in green will have the opportunity to pick a solo for the winter concert. Have a good weekend.”

Kai follows Yeonjun, Heather and I out of the auditorium raving about my performance. It feels nice to be appreciated but I’m still a little shy receiving so much praise. 

“Soobin will definitely be chosen but the other spot is between Changbin and Sana.” Yeonjun says and I hide my face in my hands. 

“What about Beomgyu?” Heather asks, pulling her hair into a ponytail. 

“Oh yeah he was so good! Mr. Bang has a hard decision ahead of him.” Yeonjun looks towards the parking lot as he speaks. 

Heather leaves our group to get her gear out of her car. She has basketball practice and is already late because she watched auditions. I heard her say it’s worth the lines she’ll have to run.

We stand near my car for a moment before Heather rushes back to us to say goodbye. She runs into the building practically bouncing and a smile comes onto my face. Maybe I can understand why so many people like her. 

“Do you want to get boba?” Yeonjun asks, looking between Kai and I. “Bonding before caroling starts.”

“Sounds like a good time. I’ll meet you there.” I say as Yeonjun nods his head. 

Yeonjun and Kai walk away while I unlock my car. I turn on my happy playlist as I drive. Yeonjun keeps surprising me and I’m happy about it. I love spending time with him even if someone else is there too. 

Spending time together outside of regular practice time can do so much for us. You learn a lot about how people handle situations and how their voices change. Most of the times when music kids hang out they end up having a jam session. Those situations can show skills you would never see otherwise. Mr. Bang tries to give us creative freedom, but with high schoolers that’s not always possible. 

I drop my school bag off at home and spray myself with my favorite cologne before leaving for the boba shop. It takes two minutes to drive there from my house. Yeonjun and Kai are sitting inside when I arrive. Kai seems to be telling an overdramatic story with lots of hand gestures. Before I join them I order a strawberry milk tea.

“Soobin!” Kai says excitedly when he sees me. “Your performance was so good. I can’t wait to see what you choose for a solo.”

I blush sitting beside Kai across the table from Yeonjun. 

“You are getting ahead of yourself.” I say and both of the boys shake their heads.

Of course, I think I have a good shot but I think bragging is bad karma. All I can do is hope and search for the best song that will make Yeonjun realize the one he needs is right in front of him. I hope no one can read minds. I’m getting a little pathetic. 

We hang out for about an hour before Kai’s dad calls asking him to come home. It was a good time and remarkably less awkward than I thought it would be. Yeonjun is good at making people feel at ease and like they’ve been friends with him for years. 

Each of us has homework we should complete. I’ll probably practice choir pieces instead of doing the many math assignments I have.

“Are you coming to the bonfire?” Yeonjun asks as we walk towards our cars.

“I think so.” 

I don’t want to seem too eager because that’s not cool. Truthfully, I’ve spent a fair amount of my free time convincing my mom to let me go. She’s made me all but sign a contract saying I won’t drink or do drugs. I didn’t plan on it but damn it’s like she doesn’t want me to be a normal teenager at all. But who knows what I might do. 

Yeonjun seems happy that my answer isn’t no. After a brief goodbye he gets into his car and I watch him drive away before getting into my car. 

Once I’m home I spend time looking for the perfect outfit instead of doing the homework waiting for me in my bookbag. I’m torn between two outfits that Yeonjun has complimented before. After remembering it will be cold outside tomorrow night even by the fire I toss one outfit aside. 

I send a picture of the outfit to Beomgyu to ask his opinion. He sends a meme with the word simp all over it. Why I bothered? I don’t know. He is only helpful when he wants to be. I convinced him to come with me to the bonfire. So, if Yeonjun decides he doesn’t want to talk to me, at least I’ll have someone. Not that Beomgyu should be a second choice. He’s a great guy but he’s no Yeonjun.

Texting Beomgyu wasn’t the smartest idea. He’s coming over later. I could’ve just asked him then. At least he won’t call me a simp to my face. Beomgyu isn’t that bold with me. The sad thing is he isn’t wrong. I would probably walk through fire for Yeonjun, but it’s unlikely he’d even jump a puddle for me. 

I try to push the pessimistic thoughts from my mind as I sit down to do my homework. Beomgyu will be here soon and my mother will surely be mad if my school work isn’t done first. Especially since we plan to spend the evening watching pirated broadway shows.

My father thinks broadway will make me gay. I don’t think it is a defining factor in my sexuality. He’s not necessiarly homophobic just uneducated and insenstive. I try to understand but it’s hard when I’m a whole flaming homosexual. 

My mother lets Beomgyu without telling me and suddenly he’s standing in my room with a shy look on his face. He’s been over multiple times. I have no idea why he’s acting like this. He sits on the end of my bed after setting his bag down waiting for me to close my laptop. After saving my essay draft I turn towards him and smile. 

I’ve always thought Beomgyu was handsome. He has doll-like features and soft clear skin. He’s a few inches shorter than me and has a small frame. His cheeks are red and I can’t imagine what he must be thinking about. He won’t tell me about his crushes because I won’t tell him mine. Obviously, he knows I like Yeonjun. I just won’t admit it. 

“Are you done with your homework?” He asks leaning back into a position that looks more comfortable. 

“No, but I can work on that one later.” I join him on the bed and he stiffens for a second before going back to normal. “What do you want to watch?”

We spend the next twenty minutes debating over what to watch before deciding on Legally Blonde. I’ve seen this far more times illegally than Beomgyu but he’s seen it live. We scoot to the top of my bed and despite there being more room our thighs are touching. I don’t really mind. We are just comfortable with each other. 

“If Yeonjun was really paying attention he’d like your outfit.” Beomgyu says softly as I try to find the link I usually use to watch this. “It looks cute on you. But thinking about him too much might get you hurt.”

“I know.” I say wishing with everything in me that it wasn’t true. 

He doesn’t say another word but lets me cuddle against his shoulder. I don’t think this is normal bro stuff, but honestly fuck toxic masculinity. Two straight dudes could do this and it wouldn’t be gay. Beomgyu hasn’t said anything regarding his sexuality that is definitive. To be fair I’ve never explicitly told him I’m gay either. 

We pull away from each other during the movie. Near the end I scooch my way back into his arms with my head resting on his chest. I wish he was Yeonjun. Would Yeonjun rub my back like this? Would I feel this comfortable?

I can hear his heart beating rapidly and it makes my mind jump to conclusions. Surely if he was uncomfortable he’d tell me? Why else would he react like that? 

“Do you think I’ll be selected?” Beomgyu asks absentmindedly while playing with my hair. “I don’t think I’m as good as everyone else who auditioned.”

I shoot up to look into his eyes almost offended that he thinks that of himself. There is no way I will let my friend go another minute thinking he’s anything less than remarkable.

“Beomgyu shut up! You’re beautiful and incredibly talented. You wouldn’t have been chosen initially otherwise. Have a little more confidence, please.”

His cheeks flush and he tries to look away from me. I grab his arm before he can turn over and he stares at me with wide eyes. I’ve never seen him make that expression towards me. I’m scared that I might’ve crossed a line so I let go of him. I scoot away wondering why I feel nervous suddenly. 

“Thank you, Soobin.” He sits up taking a deep breath. It looks like he is trying to fight off a smile. “I just really want this solo.”

“Heather said your name when they were listing the people they thought would get the solos.”

Beomgyu looks up to her as a performer and in general as a person. The only clear thing I ever get out of him is who he doesn’t like. Last year he told me he’s never had a crush on Heather. Though he said he understands the appeal.

“Really? Maybe I did better than I thought.”

I want to tell him her approval shouldn’t be his measure of success but I know he won’t listen to me. Instead I ask for something I know will make him feel better.

“Why don’t you sing for me? I want to hear it again.”

He knows I’ll meet any objections with more reasons why he should. Truly, I just want to hear the sweet melody of his voice again. Beomgyu tends to pick up tempo songs most of the time so hearing him sing a ballad is a treat. I hand him my water bottle knowing he’ll want to lubricate his vocal chords after watching a show for the last two and half hours. He takes a sip and hands the water bottle back to me. 

Beomgyu stands and searches for the accompaniment on his phone. It takes him a minute but eventually he finds it. I’m mesmerized as soon as he starts singing. Without the added pressure of my own audition I can truly enjoy his. Beomgyu made this song perfectly suited to his voice. Mr. Bang would be crazy not to choose him even with the other competition. Beomgyu feels every word he is singing and at one point I’m not sure if he remembers who he is performing for. 

At the end he lets out a nervous laugh like he hadn’t just laid his heart on the floor with those vocals. He doesn’t ask me to sing. Instead he sits next to me and stares off into space. A moment later he speaks. 

“Where did you find your song? I’d never heard it before.”

“Yeonjun recommended it to me.” I smile when I say his name and Beomgyu isn’t looking at me. 

Maybe Beomgyu is right. I am a simp. I know Yeonjun well enough to make a fair judgement but I do think highly of him. Of course, he can do wrong but I’d probably overlook it for him more than anyone else. 

“You really like him, huh?” Beomgyu’s voice is soft and cautious like he knows he’s pushing it with this question. 

I consider if I should just answer him. Beomgyu isn’t dumb, he sees how I look at Yeonjun and how little interest I have in Heather or any other girl at our school. I can trust him with my secret even if I’m not very good at hiding it myself. He’s my friend.

“Yeah, I do.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen then his eyebrows furrow together like he wasn’t expecting me to actually answer him. This is the first time I’ve admitted I like a man out loud. Beomgyu wraps his arms around my shoulders and squeezes me. I hug him back and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I didn’t even say the actual words but he knows for sure now.

“I’m pansexual.” Beomgyu says when he pulls away from me. 

I’m still holding his shoulders when I decide now is the time I say the words out loud for the first time. 

“And I’m gay.” We are both smiling and we hug again. “So, will you finally tell me who you like?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes scooting up to the headboard with a thoughtful look on his face. This is further than he’s ever gone. Usually he shuts me down immediately. I follow him to the top of the bed but stop in front of him and sit with my legs folded. 

“I don’t actually have crushes very often.” he says without meeting my eyes. “My last crush was last year and it was Taehyun Kang.”

He glances at me quickly then looks away and I find myself wondering if his heart is racing like mine is right now. Beomgyu cheeks are a rosy color that people spend hours looking for. I wonder if his skin is as soft as it looks. Before my loneliness gets the best of me I suggest we watch a movie. 

“Can we cuddle?” 

The words slip out before I can think over how bad this might go. It’s one thing to just do it, but asking for it is completely different. Especially when we just came out to each other. 

“Y-yes!” Beomgyu says his voice squeaking before he clears his throat. “Yeah...let’s watch the movie.”

I open my arms figuring it would be more comfortable for him to lay on my chest. Beomgyu lays his head on my chest and I start the movie. For the first twenty minutes I’m acutely aware of every movement I make but eventually I relax. 

Half way through the movie I pause because I want to get under the blankets, but I need to change my clothes first. Beomgyu follows my lead and changes into an oversized shirt. Usually I sleep in just my boxers but when I have guests over I usually wear more clothes. I copy Beomgyu by putting on an oversized shirt with my boxers. 

I can see cow print boxers poking out from the bottom of his shirt. They are tight around his pale thighs. 

“Hey pervert! My eyes are up here.” 

I can feel my cheeks flush and he gives me a smile that lets me know he’s joking. Beomgyu cuddles up against me under the blankets and we resume the movie after turning the lights off. 

We fall asleep like that and I’m not sure how I didn’t make an absolute fool out of myself. In the morning we don’t talk about it even though I wake up spooning him. There is a possibility we crossed a boundary we shouldn’t have. I guess that’s a thought for future Soobin and Beomgyu.

It’s past ten when we wake up so we immediately check our emails. At the top of the list in green are the names Soobin Choi and Beomgyu Choi.

“Soobin!! We both got the solos!” 

Beomgyu bounces up and down before tackling me with a hug. His eyes are filled with pure joy. We giggle and I have such a sense of pure happiness in this moment. I can’t wait to figure out what I’m going to sing. I want to do something that everyone will remember. 

We spend the day practicing choir pieces and helping each other with homework. For a few hours we look for songs but nothing sounds good to either of us. It would be best if we decided by Monday so we have the most time to practice. 

If anything, I think we are more comfortable around each other. I’m seeing Beomgyu in a new light and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. We are closer friends than we’ve ever been. 

Beomgyu and I decide to go out for dinner but end up eating in the car when everywhere we want to go has a wait time. We park in a vacant lot a few miles from my house and talk for a while. We mostly talk about what choir will be like this year and what else we might do this year. 

At 9:30 Yeonjun sends me a picture with the details of where the bonfire is and I show it to Beomgyu. The party starts in an hour so we head back to my house to get ready. While I’m fixing my hair I ask a question that has been bugging me all day. 

“Why did you stop liking Taehyun?”

Beomgyu is putting on warmer clothes and I glance over catching a glimpse of his exposed back. He freezes and I quickly look away waiting for an answer to my question. 

“I realized I was wasting my time. He wasn’t interested in me despite all the hints I was dropping towards him.” He walks over to me. “Unlike you, when I like someone I try to make it obvious.” 

His hand glides across my lower back and it takes everything in me not to squeal. Is he trying to say something? There is no way. He knows I like Yeonjun. 

“I’m pretty sure Yeonjun wants to date Heather. Have you seen the way he looks at her?”

Jealousy seethes inside of me thinking about it. Of course he’d like her. She’s everything every straight man wants. I genuinely wish that she was a bad person so that it would be easier to hate her.

“It’s easier to get over them if you try first.” Beomgyu fixes his hair in the mirror. “But do whatever you think is best for you.”

We drop the subject and continue getting ready for the bonfire. When I put on my favorite cologne I think I see him roll his eyes but I’m not so sure. 

Beomgyu has been to a few more parties than me. He’s not as popular as Yeonjun or Heather but he gets along with enough people to be invited. We talked about it and agreed he can have a few drinks as long as he doesn’t get messy. I’ve never seen him or any of my friends drunk. 

We drive out to the middle of the woods parking my car just off the road hidden behind the trees. There are quite a few cars and it could be dangerous if things go south. I recognize a few of the cars and wonder who they’ve brought with them. I’ve never stayed at a party longer than an hour. I guess I’m just not the type.

Heavy bass can be heard as Beomgyu and I walk towards the clearing where we can see light. It’s dark and the twisty roots sticking out of the hard ground are not friendly. Beomgyu holds his hand out and I give him a funny look.

“The last thing I need is your mom yelling at me because you got a broken ankle or got lost in the woods.”

“Fine.” I huff not liking that he’s treating me like a child. 

We intertwine our fingers and begin the walk towards the clearing. His hand is warm and soft. It feels nice to touch someone without being nervous because they might think I’m a creep. 

We are almost to the edge of the clearing when Beomgyu fully trips beside me and I have to save him. I pull him up and we stare into each other’s eyes, one hand still holding tightly to his. Something makes me want to pull him closer.

“Soobin?” A voice fresh as spring calls. “You made it!”

Yeonjun sounds excited. He’s wearing a hoodie layered with a jean jacket on the outside and black jeans. The glow of the fire behind him paints an absolutely ethereal picture in front of me. He grabs my shoulder pulling me towards the fire. Yeonjun completely disregards Beomgyu and I think I’ve stopped breathing. 

“Soobin! Beomgyu!” Yeonjun’s friend Felix says when we finally stop walking. “I saw you got the solos! Congrats.” 

Felix is genuine in his congratulations and I know that because he’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. He wants everything to be joyful and full fun. Across the fire I can see other members of our choir giving us the stink eye. 

Felix holds out a hard cider and raises an eyebrow daring me to take it. Beomgyu steps up and takes it out of his hand to save me the embarrassment. Behind Felix I can see a few more music students passing around a bottle of cheap vodka.

My eyes trail back to Yeonjun. He’s looking back and forth between Beomgyu and I. He makes a weird face then invites me to sit beside him on a log. The fire crackles in front of us and Yeonjun smiles at me. 

He starts asking if I’ve already started choosing a song. All he wants to talk about is choir. I guess I’m fine with that as long as he’s speaking to me.

For a while we chat away sitting on the log. Beomgyu and Yeonjun each throw back a few drinks each. Yeonjun’s face is turning red and I can’t help but think he looks precious. 

“Did you see the-” Beomgyu’s sentence is cut short when one of the popular athletic boys dumps a drink on me. 

Yeonjun jumps away without getting any of the back splash. The jock pretends like it was an accident but snickers as he walks away. Beomgyu stands with an angry look on his tipsy face and I grab his arm.

“Sit down. They aren’t worth it.”

I take off my jacket that is soaked in hawaiian punch and cheap vodka. My shirt isn’t wet but I’ll be cold even by the fire without it. 

“Binnie.” Yeonjun says and I turn my head to look at him. He’s holding out his fleece lined jean jacket and my heart stammers. I quickly put the jacket on before he changes his mind. “Huh, that looks better on you.”

It takes a few minutes for us to settle back into normal conversation. Beomgyu looks pissed and I pat his back before turning back to Yeonjun. Except his eyes are glued across the fire where Heather is standing. 

“Is she wearing your jacket?” Beomgyu asks, watching her walk closer. 

“She must’ve taken it from my locker.” Yeonjun says fondly. “I’m going to go say hi. I’ll be back soon.” 

Before I can say anything Felix is trying to talk to me. I pretend I’m listening but really my eyes are focused on Heather. She’s wearing his hoodie from state last year with a pair of leggings and white high tops. 

Beomgyu rests his hand on my knee somewhat absentmindedly a few minutes later and I turn my attention towards the conversation. 

“I really think she likes you.” Felix says, taking a sip of his drink. “She was talking about you all day.”

Beomgyu sighs, looking slightly uncomfortable. He pulls his hand away from me before he speaks. 

“I like someone else. I hope I can let her down gently if she confesses.” 

Felix seems shocked at Beomgyu’s words. I’m a little shocked too. He just told me he didn’t like anyone. He almost never confesses his crushes, especially not to our acquaintance. 

“I’d ask who she is but knowing you, I won’t get an answer.” 

Beomgyu takes a long pull of his drink and smiles. 

“He’s not a girl but okay.”

Felix chokes on his drink, turning away to cough it up. None of us expected him to come out so casually. How much has he had to drink? Has he forgotten what the people at our school are like? Felix won’t tell anyone but there are too many people around us that might.

“Oh, sorry for assuming.” Felix says and Beomgyu pulls me up. 

He leads me towards a group of people dancing. He holds my hands and we dance together ignoring the homophobic stares. His eyes are shining in the orange fire glow. We are giggling without a care in the world except for each other. 

I came here to see Yeonjun but at this moment I don’t care that he has Heather pressed up against a tree. I care about Beomgyu’s windswept hair falling into his eyes and the sound of overplayed pop music ringing through the air. 

No one notices when Yeonjun and Heather wander off into the woods, except me. Beomgyu is decently buzzed by the time I decide we should go home. 

“Soobin.” He tries to whisper as he clings to my shoulder trying to stay on two feet. 

Right now, I’m trying to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. We aren’t very far from the car but I’ve never dealt with a drunk Beomgyu before. He is particularly squirmy. 

“Beomgyu, we are almost to the car. Then I’ll listen.”

He nods his head and lets me lead him to the car. I make sure that he’s buckled up before going around the other side.

“You’re really handsome.” Beomgyu says while I’m turning on the car and my hand stops. “I know you like tomato head but-”

“Beomie, maybe you shouldn’t say anything right now. I don’t want you to say something you might regret in the morning.”

I can’t believe he just called me handsome. My stomach is a butterfly mosh pit. Of course, I want to know what he has to say, but I don’t want him to regret saying something tomorrow. 

He’s my friend at the end of the day no matter anything else. I don’t want to cross any boundaries. I like someone and he likes someone too. Our best option is to go home and sleep. 

“I’m not that drunk.” Beomgyu replies before turning up the music so we can’t hear each other. 

We drive home without speaking to each other and Beomgyu only pouts for a few minutes. He goes straight to the shower when we arrive at my house. He enters my room in just a pair of sweatpants and flops on my bed. I quickly take a shower hoping he’ll stay put. 

Beomgyu is lying on his stomach looking at his phone when I return. His back looks much more muscular in this position and it’s not doing good things to my lonely brain. 

He faces the wall and we go to sleep without another word. In the morning we are back to our normal dynamic and I’m glad. Beomgyu leaves after breakfast and I’m left to watch the stories on social media from last night. After seeing one too many pictures of Yeonjun’s hand nearly up Heather’s shirt I decide to write a song. 

It turns out much angstier than I intended. After singing through it a few times I decide to change some of the lyrics to make it seem more straight. Heather’s name is traded for Daniel and pronouns are changed as well. This would be an interesting song to sing for my solo. I don’t know if Mr. Bang will allow it but I can try. 

I spend the day perfecting it and even go as far as recording it. I feel productive at the end of the day even if I’m a little emotionally exhausted. I have two titles ‘The Third of December’ and ‘Heather.’ Obviously, I can’t use the second one so that’ll be the title for the original. 

This song might cause chaos if I’m allowed to sing it but I’m prepared for that possibility. Might as well do the absolute most. 

In a few hours it will be my birthday. Every year since middle school I’ve stayed up to see who the first to wish me a happy birthday is. Usually, it’s Beomgyu or another of my choir friends. I don’t have a lot of friends but most of the time I’m okay with that. 

At 12am I’m on instagram when I see a text message notification from Beomgyu. 

Beomie: Happy birthday Soobin! You are more special than you know and I can’t wait to see what amazing things you do this year. Happy 17th bestie🎉🎂🎈

I thank him by sending a selfie where I’m smiling and throwing up a peace sign. He heart reacts the photo then changes it to a thumbs up reaction. 

By one, five people from my choir friends have wished me a happy birthday including Heather. A few of them posted on their instagram stories. I’m already feeling birthday love. Yeonjun must be asleep.

In the morning I check my notifications, seeing that I was tagged in a story by Yeonjun. I watch his story and see three slides. With three pictures of us. Two of them are group photos. One from state last year and one from homecoming this year. The other one is a picture we took recently. He’s wishing me a happy birthday with pretty fonts.

I message him thank you with a smile emoji and a blue heart, but I’m squealing like a schoolgirl. My crush wished me a happy birthday! Not a plain one either. He took time to make those stories look nice! I’m feeling so much happiness. 

By now my facebook wall is filled with birthday messages from people I rarely talk to. I think it’s weird that people who never talk to me want to wish me a happy birthday. It does satisfy my need for attention though. 

In the kitchen my mom is waiting with doughnuts and coffee from my favorite cafe. We don’t usually do anything grand for my birthday. Just a special dinner and a few presents unless I want to do something else. Most years I don’t have special plans for my birthday and this year is no exception. I’ll probably come home and practice my song.

“Happy birthday, Soobin.” My parents say when I enter the kitchen. 

My mother hands me an iced caramel macchiato and motions for me to look at the doughnuts to choose what I want. After picking three I sit down and my parents start asking if I’m sure I don’t want to do anything. I assure them I’m fine with what we usually do. 

At school a few people wish me a happy birthday as I walk to my locker, after putting Yeonjun’s jacket in his locker. That’s a little weird all things considered. I shrug it off and continue on to my locker. Someone has covered it in wrapping paper and balloons are sticking out. No one is standing near my locker but I have my suspicions. I open my locker and feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Happy birthday, Soobin!” Beomgyu says while I open my locker.

Inside is a basket filled with presents. Beomgyu and I only get each other good gifts for Christmas. This basket is filled with candy, snacks and a few other things he thinks I’d want. Usually that’s a few gift cards and maybe a new phone case. Sometimes he even gets me music books. This year looks like he’s done all of the above.

“Thank you!” I say turning around to hug him. 

He hugs me for a second then shys away. He looks flustered but all I can think about is how Yeonjun posted me on his story.

“You're welcome.” He says proudly.

“Did you see that Yeonjun posted me on his story?” I say quietly not wanting anyone to interpret what I’m saying and start a rumor. 

“Yeah, I saw. Group photos.”

His mood seems to change suddenly and I can tell he’s two seconds away from rolling his eyes. I won’t let that ruin my buzzing happiness. My crush wished me a happy birthday and posted me on his story. He gave me a crown in the group so no one could miss me.

“One of them wasn’t a group photo!” I say digging in the basket for a jolly rancher.

“Whatever you say. Let's go to class.” 

We go to class and the day is much like any other. I just have more snacks and balloons hanging out of my locker. Every time I see Yeonjun he’s busy so I don’t get a chance to talk to him. 

I have a long conversation with Mr. Bang after school. I explain that I don’t want anyone, besides him, to hear the song until the concert. It takes some convincing and actually performing for him, but eventually he agrees.

I’m ecstatic as I walk out of the choir room. It’s a very rare occasion that Mr. Bang let’s someone sing an original at the winter concert. 

“Soobin.” My crush's voice calls to me from down the hall. My heart jumps hoping he didn’t hear my performance. Even with the changed lyrics I think he’s smart enough to realize it’s about him.

“Oh, hi!” I say sweeping my hair out of my eyes.

“Were you turning in your song choice?” He walks towards the parking lot with me holding the jacket I put in his locker this morning. 

“Something like that.”

He raises an eyebrow but lets it go and launches into a story of something that happened after Beomgyu and I left the party. 

“I was sad you didn’t say bye before you left.” He says when we are next to my car.

“I think you were a little occupied.” I say, trying to tone down the jealousy, while making a grabby motion and his face turns red.

“Yeah...anyways if you ever want help rehearsing just send me a message.” He smiles. “Happy birthday.” 

“Thank you.”

I get into my car. Of course, he can’t hear me rehearsing. The next few weeks are going to be difficult. 

Yeonjun, Beomgyu and several other people ask what song I’ve chosen for the concert but I insist that it’ll be better if I don’t tell them. After a few tries everyone gives up. 

The night before our concert we are caroling at a light show. The whole choir has come together for this event. We are standing on stairs near the middle of the lights spread around the area. 

“Soobin, did you forget your gloves?” Beomgyu asks, evident in his tone. 

“Yeah, I came straight from visiting my nephew.” I say looking down at my caroling book. 

I’m reading over a carol I haven’t sung in awhile when gloves plop onto my music. I look up and see kind eyes looking back. His nose is red from the cold and I just want to touch his cheek. 

“I knew someone would forget.” He smiles at me before turning back towards the front. 

We’ve been hanging out more recently when I’m not rehearsing. I’ve never noticed how cool he is until recently. I still wonder what he wanted to tell me that night he was drunk but I don’t think it’s fair for me to bring it up. If he wants to tell me whatever it was, he will. At least I hope he will. 

“Binnie?” Yeonjun, who’s hair is now black, asks quietly, turning around from his spot in front of me. “I know we have school tomorrow but a few of us are going to Taehyun’s house for a little kick back. We’ve told our parents it's a last minute rehearsal.”

Yeonjun has been seeking me out the last few days and adamantly wants to know what song I’m singing. It’s pretty clear that he and Heather are dating but they won’t say it out loud. Every day I wish Heather’s father would be transferred to another country. 

“My mom won’t buy that. I’ll come to the bonfire tomorrow.” I say knowing full well I won’t be attending. 

I’ll probably leave the school as soon as I’m done with my performance. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone after outing myself. 

In front of Mr. Bang I’ve been practicing ‘The Third of December’ but tomorrow I will be singing Heather. I decided I’m tired of pretending I’m not in love with Yeonjun Choi. The repercussions might be uncomfortable for a minute, but I’ll never know if I do nothing. 

“Beomgyu, what about you?” Yeonjun looks up at him with a slight look of disappointment on his face.

“I’ll be there for a little while.”

Before any one can say another word Mr. Bang signals for us to start. I’m having a hard time concentrating with thoughts of their after party in my head. Why are they having two parties? My mom would never let me go and I don’t want to piss her off. If I behave now she’ll let me have more freedom this spring and summer. 

Even if it means more time with Yeonjun I don’t want to risk something happening. My solo tomorrow is extremely important to me. Maybe I’m being a little dramatic but after tomorrow things will be different for me.

The performance is fun once I lock the thoughts of Yeonjun in the farthest back corner. Beomgyu is smiling more than usual and it makes me feel happy. Our choir's energy is joyous and exciting. We are blending better than ever before.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Beomgyu asks as we walk back to our cars. “My mom could talk to your mom.”

I take his gloves off, folding them together before handing them back. He takes them waiting for me to answer his question. 

“I’d rather go home and sleep. Big concert tomorrow and I have a chemistry test.” 

“Okay, I’ll text you if anything exciting happens.” He says patting my shoulder before walking off. 

I see him get into Yeonjun’s car while I find the right playlist to drive home too. Taylor Swift feels like the right mood. 

I drive around for about an hour before going home. My parents are sitting in the living room watching trashy reality tv. They don’t even seem to notice I’m here. Maybe I should’ve just gone to the party. 

Sitting alone in my room practicing a song I’ve already perfected is sad. I’m spending my most formative years locked away practicing for hope of a better future. Surely, life will be better once I leave this town and never look back.

Instead of sleeping early, I watch the snapchat stories of my classmates. Heather and Yeonjun grinding in the middle of a crowd doesn’t seem very ‘kick back’ to me. There seems to be alcohol flowing and I’m already cursing them. The last thing I want is a bunch of hungover teenagers complaining. 

My heart drops every time I watch over the stories. Yeonjun has lost all subtlety. I guess I should’ve expected this. It’s painfully obvious they are together. I wonder which one of them is stopping the other from officially announcing they are together. I bet it’s Heather.

At 1 I decide to sleep only to get woken up ten minutes later by my phone. It takes several rings for me to find my phone in the dark. Beomgyu’s name is lighting up my screen. My heart sinks immediately thinking the worst must’ve happened. I quickly answer the phone.

“Soobie, I’m so sorry.” He sounds drunk and I’m not surprised.

Any kind of ‘kick back’ usually involves weed and alcohol. I’m just not very fond of those situations and I have strict parents. I don’t like lying to them. 

“Don’t apologize. Are you okay? What do you need?” I say aware of how sleepy my voice sounds.

Don’t people think sleepy voices are hot? Why is that my first thought? Would Yeonjun think my sleepy voice is hot?

“Yeonjun brought me here but he passed out in Taehyun’s guest room. Can you come get me?”

I’m worried about Yeonjun for a moment before focusing on what really matters. Beomgyu needs me and trusts me enough to call me. He’d do the same for me if I was in his situation.

“Of course, send me the address and I'll be there soon. Do you want to come to my house or can I drop you at yours?”

I can hear him hiccuping while he thinks about his answer. Why did he get drunk on a school night? I hope he’s okay physically and mentally. He rarely gets more than buzzed from what he’s told me. 

“Your house.” He says with no further explanation. 

I don’t question him because I’d rather he be here with me than possibly in trouble somewhere else. My mind will be at peace with him in my bed. 

“Okay, stay put and drink some water. I’ll be there soon.”

He says goodbye and I jump up. After putting on sweats and a hoodie I lay out clothes for Beomgyu to wear. As quietly as possible I take a bucket from downstairs and put it in my bedroom just in case. I sneak out the backdoor with no problem. 

I’m grateful at this moment that my car is fairly quiet. I don’t turn on my headlights until I’m down the street. My parents would understand what I’m doing right now, but they would still be mad that I snuck out on a school night. I’ll take a little heat if it means my friend gets home safely. 

Ten minutes later I arrive at Taehyun’s house and text Beomgyu to come outside. He doesn’t answer me so I decide to go inside. I knock lightly before finding the door unlocked. In the living room I see music kids sleeping on the floor and some still going. Beomgyu is sitting alone on a loveseat cuddling a throw pillow close to his chest. He looks innocent and soft.

“Beomie.” I say softly kneeling in front of him. 

I lay a hand on his thigh and he looks down at me. His eyes light up when they meet mine and I wonder if my sleepy brain is why I want to hug him. I have a strong urge to protect my intoxicated friend.

“Soobin.” He flies forward to hug me and I let him wrap his strong arms around my shoulders. His warm body feels comforting pressed against mine. 

“Let’s go buddy.” 

I throw him over my shoulder in one quick movement and he laughs. He’s not as heavy as I thought he’d be. He smells nice once you get past the scent of vodka on his breath. I’m surprised that he isn’t struggling. Beomgyu must trust me more than I thought. 

“You’re so tall. I feel like I’m flying. You must’ve drinken so much milk.”

I turn back to the few people still awake and put on my best stern look. Not that the four seniors staring back at me are going to listen to a word I have to say. They don’t even care that I have a whole person slung over my shoulder. No one is even looking at me. 

“I’m taking him home. Get some sleep. We have a concert tomorrow.”

We walk outside before either of us speak again. Beomgyu is clinging to my back even though I have a pretty good grip on him. 

“What song are you singing, Soobie?” Beomgyu asks, pulling the back of my hoodie up. 

“Let’s keep our clothes on.” I say while I'm trying my best not to drop him on the sidewalk. He lets go of my hoodie. ”It’s a song I wrote.”

We get to my car and he gets inside with no damage. His eyes are closing as he slumps into the seat. I make sure he’s belted in before getting in on the other side. Beomgyu seems happy and I wonder how much of this he will remember in the morning.

“Is it about Yeonjun?” He asks a few minutes later. Beomgyu is staring through the windshield with a thoughtful look. “You know you could do so much better than pining after someone with a girlfriend.”

“I wish I could forget about him or at least my feelings for him.”

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if he didn’t consume my every thought? His stupid brown eyes and the way he supports my every musical endeavor. Maybe we could be good friends if I wasn’t in love with him.

“Sometimes I feel the same way.” He stares straight at me while he says this and I brush it off. 

Of course, I want to know who he likes but I shouldn’t take advantage of my drunk friend. He would most likely tell me if I asked. Beomgyu obviously has a great deal of trust in me. 

After reiterating how quiet we need to be, Beomgyu and I go inside. Thankfully, he only hit the wall once and it wasn’t close enough to my parents room that they’d notice. 

I leave the room to get him water and he’s changed when I return. Well I think he’s changed. His clothes are on the floor. He is burrowed under my blankets looking at his phone. Hopefully he isn’t drunk texting his crush. I wouldn’t want him to ruin his chances. 

“Beomie, please tell me you aren’t drunk texting your crush.”

My phone dings from my night stand as I’m taking my hoodie off. I pick up my phone to see a message from Beomgyu. It’s a shirtless selfie he must’ve taken earlier that day. 

A strange noise leaves my mouth and I can feel a blush covering my face. He’s so toned and you can’t tell that from the clothing he wears. I almost drop my phone but instead sit on my bed. I take Beomgyu’s phone from his hand.

“You like it that much? You want to see more?” 

He tries to lift the shirt he’s wearing up and I cover him with a blanket. Why is he doing this? We’re friends. Is he that lonely? Is he messing with me to forget about his crush?

“Let’s keep our clothes on.” I set his phone on my side of the bed. “You can have that back in the morning.”

My parents won’t be here when I wake up so we shouldn’t have any problem in the morning. I set my normal alarm and put both our phones on chargers. I’m surprised he isn’t trying to retrieve his phone. 

“Why do you like Yeonjun?” 

He is lying on his side looking over at me. Why does he want to know this? When has he ever been this interested in my non-existent love life?

“He’s kind and handsome. I know that he’ll make time to talk to me if I ever really need him too. He has incredible music taste and musicality.”

The butterflies start flying around my stomach. Yeonjun is really like no one else. Heather is such a lucky girl.

“What about your crush? Why do you like him?”

He seems to think for a minute but his eyes never drift away from me. 

“He makes all my problems disappear for a moment. I feel safe when I’m around him like he’d protect me to the best of his ability. I trust him because he’s been my friend for a long time. He has a unique beauty that a lot of people don’t appreciate.”

“Wow, he sounds like a special guy.”

We look into each other’s eyes for a moment. His face is soft like he might fall asleep at any moment. So sweet. 

“Yeah, he is pretty special.” He looks like he wants to say something else but he shakes his head. “Let’s go to sleep.”

He rolls over facing the wall. 

“Okay, sleep well.” 

I end up spooning him some time in the night. He doesn’t seem to mind when we wake up cuddled together. He pushes his butt back against me while I’m pretending to still be asleep.

That makes me jump away because the last thing he needs is to feel something. Not that something is there right now. I should make breakfast. 

I let him sleep a few more minutes while I make bacon and eggs in the kitchen. He walks into the kitchen stretching his head. I look over my shoulder and see his hair sticking up in every direction.

“Eat up. I’ll go get you some Tylenol.” 

I walk to the bathroom after putting a plate on the table. I grab the bottle and walk back to the kitchen. Beomgyu is chugging water when I return. 

“Please, don’t ever let me be that stupid again.” He says picking up a piece of bacon. “Did I say anything stupid? I remember coming here but not what I was saying.”

“Check your phone.” I say sitting beside him. 

I can’t contain a giggle knowing he’s about to be mortified at what he sent me. He unlocks his phone and taps the screen a few times before he sets his phone down and hides his face.

“I’m so sorry I sent you that.”

For a moment I’m not sure what to say, then I just want to mess with him a little bit. My words are true but he won’t think so. 

“It’s okay you’re kind of handsome, but shouldn’t you have sent that to your crush?”

Beomgyu chokes on his drink and I rush to pat his back. Once he’s done choking he starts laughing while shaking his head. I don't understand why he thinks that’s funny.

He quickly diverts the conversation to choir. We start talking about a piece I’ve been having trouble memorizing. It doesn’t help that my section is the backbone of that particular piece. 

Beomgyu wears an outfit from the back of my closet that I never wear to school. He doesn’t want to go all the way home before school. I don’t mind, he looks better in my clothes than I do. Even if they are a little too big for him. 

The day goes by pretty normally. We have a little extra time to rehearse but otherwise no big differences. I’m nervous for my solo and the whole school realizing I’m gay. I still have the chance to back out, but I don’t think I will. 

After school Beomgyu, Kai and Taehyun come to my house. We have dinner and get ready together. It’s a lot of fun hanging out with them even if they won’t stop grilling me about what song I’m singing.

“It’s an original.” I say as I’m straightening my red bow tie. “I want it to be a surprise.”

“Mr. Bang is letting you do an original?” Taehyun asks, shocked. 

“Of course, Soobin is really talented.” Beomgyu says, looking for his Santa hat. 

Beomgyu is always complimenting me. His crush is so lucky to have someone so thoughtful. The words he said about him when he was drunk were beautiful. 

We take pictures together before we leave. Beomgyu and I get a few of just the two of us and I’m happy to have more pictures with my friends.

Our call time is 6:30 but we arrive ten minutes before that. Most of the choir is already here and dressed appropriately in concert blacks with a pop of festive color. 

We take more pictures with some of the girls and Yeonjun before warm ups start. We are in a lopsided circle in the green room. 

My anxiety is getting higher with each passing moment. My performance is second to last just before Heather and Yeonjun’s performance of Baby It’s Cold Outside. What a cliched choice.

Mr. Bang gives us a speech about doing our best and giving the audience the best show of our lives. It’s the same speech he gives every concert. I’ve heard it too many times. 

After doing a chant we enter the stage for our first song as a choir. Four songs later the first trio takes over and the rest of us sit in the first two rows of the audiotoriam. I like being able to watch the other performances without worrying about someone staring at me. 

All too quickly Beomgyu is on stage singing his heart out. He chose Shiver by Coldplay and I’m wondering how his crush could not see him. He says he makes it obvious when he likes someone. Beomgyu looks breathtaking and his high notes are crisp. His talent is far too big for this school. 

Mr. Bang likes to allow students to introduce the next song. I smile at Beomgyu as we pass each other on stage trying to mask my anxiety. I make it to the middle of the stage and disregard the card I’m supposed to read from. 

“Hello, my name is Soobin Choi and this is my original piece Heather.” 

My heart is beating a mile a minute as I walk towards the piano and sit down to play. I can see confusion on the faces in the crowd, including my director. I take a deep breath and begin.

“I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you.” 

I look into the crowd knowing my fingers won’t betray me. Heather is looking at Yeonjun but Yeonjun’s are locked on me. I didn’t tell anyone the fake name, let alone the real one. Of course they are interested. Mystery keeps people engaged. 

“Only if you knew how much I liked you But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerised while I die.”

I want to look at him but I’m afraid. I look at Beomgyu instead and he has a melancholy smile on his face. Even from the stage I can see it doesn’t reach his eyes. He knows who this is about and will probably understand better than most people. 

“Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester. But you like her better. Wish I were Heather.”

I lock eyes with Yeonjun when I say her name and his mouth is open. He’s shocked exactly like I thought he’d be. Am I crazy for doing this?

“Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by.”

I can’t bring myself to look into anyone’s eyes as I say that line. I still don’t know why Mr. Bang allowed that line. Of course, it’s just a metaphor but perhaps it’s a little rude. My frustration is clear as day. 

Two choruses later I’ve finished the song feeling every note of pure agony from being in love with a man I can never have. I wish I was Heather more than anything. But right now I need to introduce her and her boyfriend.

“And now for our final song of the night Heather Valentine and Yeonjun Choi with Baby it’s Cold Outside.” I say into the microphone with my best actor voice. 

I exit the stage and they stare at me while they walk up. I take my seat next to Beomgyu and he looks at me like I’m crazy. He won’t say a word but I can already hear my classmates processing. 

“Are you gay?” A sophomore wearing the wrong lipstick shade whispers turning in her seat.

“Are you in love with Yeonjun?” Another sophomore asks. 

“You’re so pathetic. He’s obviously never going to want you.” Someone behind me says.

“Imagine writing a whole song about being in love with a straight boy and wanting to be his girlfriend. How pitiful!”

“He’s really brave to be performing that in this town.” Someone from my class says with a sneer.

I calmly get up, without looking at Yeonjun and Heather already dancing on stage, and leave the auditorium. My parents are in the audience but I doubt they will try to follow me. I’m not going home anyways. 

Why did I do this? Why did I think this was a good idea? I start driving while taking deep breaths. I feel like I’m about to burst with anxiety. My car takes me forward and I’m not sure of my destination. I just want to get away from the auditorium.

I end up stopping near a lake I used to go to a lot as a child. There are a few benches scattered along the edge of the lake and I walk in the dark until I’m about 100 feet away from my car. 

I break down and start sobbing. I wish I’d chosen some cheesy christmas song instead of baring my heart to the whole community. What will happen on Monday when I can no longer hide away? I’m so fucking stupid.

Nearly an hour later I hear a tree branch snap under someone’s foot.

“Great I made a dumb decision now I’m going to get murdered.” I whine sniffling.

“I’m not going to kill you.” Beomgyu says, shining his face with a flashlight. “I thought you might be here.” 

He sits beside me wrapping an arm around my shoulder. His hand rubs up and down my arm and I let myself collapse into his chest. I can’t hold back my tears and I certainly can’t speak without my voice breaking. 

“The song was beautiful, Soobin.” He rubs my back letting me cry it out on his suit. “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I would take it all away if I could.”

He begins humming which eventually turns into soft singing. Hearing his voice takes my mind off of Yeonjun and calms me down a little.

Beomgyu is there for me just like I was there for him. Being vulnerable around people is scary but in his arms I feel safe. I’m so thankful to have him as my friend. I don’t know what I’d do without him right now.

“Thank you, Beomie.” I look into his eyes and he wipes away my tears. “Whoever your crush is would be lucky to have you.”

“You’re so oblivious.” He mutters with a tired smile.

“What?” 

His teeth gleam in the moonlight and I can’t understand why he’s laughing at me. So oblivious? Of what? Should I know who his crush is? He hasn’t told me or dropped any major hints. I’m usually good at reading situations like this. 

“Nothing.” He says almost at a whisper then continues louder, “Let’s go get some ice cream. My treat.”

Beomgyu had someone drop him off here so he climbs into my car. He doesn’t say anything else so I turn up the music and we sing together. We are both laughing when we arrive at the ice cream shop. I’m grateful that no one from our school is here. 

We sit outside and eat our ice cream. My head is filled with every scenario of what might happen on Monday. I think Beomgyu can tell I’m getting in my head so he starts dancing in front of me.

“Do you want to have a sleepover at my place? My parents aren’t home so we could have our own little party.” 

He sticks his lip out into a pout and I giggle. Maybe I fucked up but at least I have Beomgyu. He finishes his little dance with a body roll and we throw away our trash. 

We drive back to my house and I ask my parents if I can go to Beomgyu’s. Seeing how upset I look they let me go without an argument.

I pack some clothes into my bag and change out of my suit before going back to the car. Beomgyu is waiting, patiently scrolling through twitter on his phone. His eyebrows are creased together and when I try to look over his shoulder he jumps.

“Oh, hi. Let’s go! There is this new drink I found on Pinterest that I want to try.”

Does he mean alcoholic drink? Wow, I sound like such a nerd. I want to try these ‘normal’ teenage things but I’m afraid to do it with a crowd of people. I’ve always been afraid of accidentally outing myself. I guess that’s not a problem anymore since I did it myself. 

“Sounds good. Do we need to get anything?”

I start the car pulling out of the driveway while I wait for him to answer. He looks down at his phone then through the windshield.

“Pineapple juice and snacks.”

After a successful Target run we arrive at Beomgyu’s house with pineapple juice and way too many snacks for two boys. 

I’ve been here a few times but usually we stay at my house. The house is eerily quiet so we turn on music immediately. 

Beomgyu takes off his pants in the middle of the hallway then goes to his room to change the rest of the way. He really has no shame and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

While he’s changing I set the snacks out on the living room coffee table. Then start looking for the ingredients Beomgyu needs for the drinks. I wonder if Yeonjun would like this. I bet he would. He must be at the bonfire living it up right now. I pull my phone out with the intention of looking at his stories. When a kissing noise in my ear scares me half to death and I fall over. Beomgyu quickly helps me up while laughing his ass off. 

“You’re so rude!” 

He laughs for a moment longer then grabs my waist to pull away from the drinks. He starts mixing things together in a small pitcher. 

“Let’s stay off our phones. We can watch a movie together or something like that.” Beomgyu pours two glasses and picks one up. ”Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I think this is as good a time as any.” I say picking up the glass and taking a sip. I try not to make a face but I fail. “I’m with my best friend.”

He makes a weird face that looks like a mixture of fond and disappointed. I’m not sure what could have caused that but I don’t want him to be sad too. 

“If it’s too strong I can make you something else. We have white claws in the fridge.”

My drink is a pretty pink color and I’m not giving it up. I’ll deal with it and get used to the taste. I don’t want him thinking I’m weak. I stick my nose in the air and walk to the living room. 

With the tv on I relax back into the sofa and take another drink. It’s not as bad this time. The alcohol makes my chest feel warm.

“Let’s watch a Christmas movie.” I suggest when Beomgyu walks into the room with a pitcher, a bottle and two shot glasses in his hand. 

“That’s a good idea! Let’s make it fun and play a drinking game.”

We decide to watch Love Actually and I end up drinking more than I thought I would for a stupid game. Two drinks and two shots later I’m feeling fuzzy, but also I want to dance.

I turn on upbeat music and pull Beomgyu off the couch. We dance together, forgetting the world around us and what other people might be saying. We take stupid videos of each other and somehow I convince him to do another shot. 

Eventually we end up sitting on his bed with his head in my lap. We are giddy and still passing a mixed drink back and forth. Well, right now it’s been abandoned on the bedside table. I’m running my fingers through his soft black hair.

He looks like he’s at peace. I’m so glad to have a friend like him even if he won’t share everything with me. When he feels comfortable I’m sure he’ll share that information with me. 

I reach for the drink even though I’m properly drunk. I feel pretty invincible and genuinely happy. If Beomgyu didn’t already know my secrets I’d be spilling them to him.

Beomgyu sits up and takes the drink from me. He finishes the small amount that’s left and smiles at me. 

“How are you feeling, Soobie?” 

“Fucking fantastic.” I reply enthusiastically, holding my hand out. 

He attempts to give me the empty cup but I shake my head. Beomgyu puts the cup down and gives me his hand. I smile, leaning my head down to kiss his hand. Beomgyu flinches, scaring me so bad I back away. 

Next thing I know he’s wrestling me. We are laughing as we tumble around his bed. Our movements are sloppy but somehow I end up straddling him with his arms pinned above his head. His face is extremely close to mine. Our noses are almost touching and every inch of my body is screaming to kiss him. 

But he’s my best friend. I shouldn’t do that. He likes someone and I still like Yeonjun a lot even if he’ll never give me the time of day.

But Beomgyu is right here under me and doesn’t seem to mind. I let go of his arms letting our noses touch for a second before I pull away slightly. My eyelids slide shut and I wait for him to make the decision. 

“Soobin, I’m not going to kiss you.” He whispers and I sigh pushing myself off of him. I lie on my back feeling a little embarrassed. Suddenly, I wish I could disappear. “It’s not that I don’t want to. If we kiss I think that should be a sober decision.”

“How do you have so much clarity?” I whine just wanting to feel his soft lips and the caress of his strong hands.

“I’ve done this a lot more times than you.” He gives me a fond smile and strokes my cheek. “Let’s go to sleep before you do something you might regret.”

I remove my shirt and pants before Beomgyu can say anything and climb under the blanket. He shrugs his shoulders and copies me. I try to look away but I’m a failure.

“How much do you work out?” I question, wondering if I can look as good as him. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know, pervert?” He replies, getting under the covers with me. His hand travels under the blankets to my waist. Beomgyu squeezes then pulls me closer. My hand finds its way to his stomach. I lightly trace my fingers along his abs and I feel him shiver under my touch. “Ahh, maybe I should make a wall with my pillows. Someone seems to be having impulse control issues.”

“Beomie.” I pout my lips and put my head on his chest as well as my leg over his hips. “I promise I’ll behave if you tell me who you like.”

He lifts my chin with two fingers looking into my eyes. I wish Yeonjun looked at me like this. Life would be so much simpler if Yeonjun was in front of me. 

“Isn’t it obvious?”

He scans my face looking for confirmation that I know something. Anything. But I don’t know anything. 

“No.” I reply completely serious. 

“Let's go to sleep then.” Beomgyu says, turning his back to me. 

I might have fought harder if I wasn’t so tired. Beomgyu’s skin is so soft and warm. I wrap my arms around him trying not to rub him more than necessary. Within minutes I fall asleep.

It’s his turn to take care of me in the morning. We meet in the kitchen where he has prepared eggs and sausage. My stomach feels horrible and I have the worst headache I’ve ever felt. 

“Good morning, Soobin.” He plates the food and puts it in front of me. “Do you have all your memories?”

That’s a great question. I think back to last night and I can remember everything from watching Love Actually to almost kissing my best friend. My face heats up and I chug some water to hide it.

“I’m so sorry I tried to kiss you.”

“It’s okay.” He laughs before taking a bite of his meal. “That’s just something you should get control of before you start drinking with other people. Not everyone has my self control when a pretty boy wants to kiss them.”

WHY IS HE CALLING ME PRETTY? What is wrong with him? He likes someone. Why is he saying this to me instead of to them? Maybe he’s practicing so he can be more confident with his crush.

I don’t know what to say so I change the topic to how much fun I had dancing with him last night. We agree to another dance night soon with less alcohol and more nachos. 

We hang out for most of the day before I go home. My parents don’t try to stop me when I go straight to my room. They’ll want to talk to me eventually but for now I’m glad they are giving me space.

For the first time since before last night’s concert I check social media and it’s not good. Many of my classmates have taken it upon themselves to leave rude comments and slurs in the comments of my instagram and twitter posts. I report a few of them but there are too many for me to report all of them. 

Beomgyu was trying to keep me safe and distracted without me even knowing it. He helped me through a hard night and made it into a great one. He’s so kind and compassionate. I have so much respect for him. 

As if I wasn’t crying enough, Yeonjun's name lights up my screen. He’s sent me several text messages, something he almost never does.

Yeonjun☺️: Hey Soobin

Yeonjun☺️: I wanted to talk to you about the song you performed last night. It was incredible and you are truly so talented but it made me a little uncomfortable. I don’t think of you in that way. Mostly, it made me sad that you’ve been having these feelings. I’m sorry that I’ve indirectly caused you pain.

Yeonjun☺️: Right now, I’m dating Heather even if she won’t let me tell the whole school that. She’s the only person I have feelings for. There’s probably nothing I can do to help you get over your feelings for me but I hope you can find someone who can return your affections and help you forget about me. 

Yeonjun☺️: Heather and I will probably be talking to you less frequently for a while. I think she’ll be more comfortable that way. Maybe it will help you move on too. 

Yeonjun☺️: I fully support you being LGBTQA+ or whichever label you prefer and I hope the assholes stop sending you hate messages soon. I’ve been reporting them. I’m really flattered that you wrote a song about me

I read his messages ten times before I can even fully process what he’s written. How am I supposed to respond to this? I already bared my heart to the whole town and now I’m getting rejected over text

How am I supposed to reply to a man who only hurts me? It’s not his fault but I think he’s perfect. If only I knew how to not catch feelings. As far as I know Yeonjun is straight. The heart wants what it wants though. So it was already too late when I realized my feelings. Yeonjun has never been more than friendly to me. My loneliness has gotten the best of me.

I keep it straightforward and simple.

Soobin: thank you for complimenting my song

Soobin: i’m sorry i made you uncomfortable. i wish you and heather the best

I send Beomgyu screenshots and he tells me I responded nicely. He reminds me that he’s just a text away if I need him. I’m glad I have him and I hope nothing changes when he finally tells his crush his feelings. Too many people abandon their friends for love. 

School is quite literally hell on Monday. Everyone is whispering and stops only when I’m close enough to hear. As if the gossip wasn’t bad enough, someone has taken it upon themselves to spray paint slurs on my locker. 

By lunch I’m hiding in my car debating about skipping the rest of the day. My parents wouldn’t like that at all. Then again I could just not come home until it was the normal time-

“Soobin!” Beomgyu knocks on my passenger window.

I unlock the car and he gets inside handing me a bag. It’s Mcdonald’s and when I open it my favorite order is sitting inside. For the first time today I smile. 

“Thank you, Beomie.” 

How did he know I was out here? He must’ve guessed I’d be in my car when I wasn’t in the lunchroom. Today he’s wearing a crew neck sweater and light washed jeans with black converse. He looks handsome and for a fleeting second I wish I liked him instead of Yeonjun. What a silly idea. 

“Did you see Troye Sivan’s new song?” 

I’m grateful for the distraction and for someone to talk to about music. People at our school don’t understand me. They certainly don’t listen to music by a gay Australian. 

Throughout the week leading up to winter break people continue to talk shit about me. By Friday I’m so relieved to be away from this place for two weeks.

I’m not sure why I came to school today in the first place. It’s a half day filled with ‘festive’ activities. Sure, drinking hot chocolate while watching Elf in the choir room is fun but not worth hearing slurs. 

Before dismissal most of the student body is gathered in the cafeteria waiting for goody bags. One of the teachers left them in the teachers longer so we were left here. I hear a slur being shouted but I don’t think it’s directed at me this time. 

A loud bang draws my attention to the center of the room where Yeonjun is standing on a table. Heather is standing below him looking mortified. 

“I’ve seen quite a few people being nasty to Soobin Choi because of the song he performed at the winter concert. The song was beautifully written and the contents of the song shouldn’t matter to you. It wasn’t written for you. So what, he likes a boy. Being homophobic won’t get you anywhere and I’m not above showing your college admissions offices proof of your intolerance. Leave him alone and have a nice winter break.”

Yeonjun walks out of the cafeteria without a further word. Everyone looks stunned and I try to make myself smaller. Of course, that’s useless. I wait a few minutes before walking to my car. Thankfully, I avoid Yeonjun. Though I should thank him later. 

As I’m trying to process what just happened I see Beomgyu walk in front of my car with two goodie bags in hand. He gets into my car without asking and honestly that’s fine with me. 

“I snagged you a bag then got the hell out of there. Some of them seem scared of Yeonjun so maybe they’ll stop.”

“Thank you.” 

I take the bag from his hand and open it before I start the car. A Santa shaped treat sticks out to me so I eat that first. 

Beomgyu and I are having a Christmas sleepover tonight at his house. We agreed on one present each but I might have spent a lot on that one gift. We are doing it early because tomorrow he’s leaving. His family goes on a vacation to the Bahamas every year for Christmas. 

Since his gift is expensive I left it at home. We are going to make a quick stop at my house before going to his. Beomgyu comes inside with me but goes into the living room to speak with my mother. 

I grab my overnight bag and Beomgyu’s gift before walking into the living room. He’s laughing with my mother. It makes me hopeful that when I bring home a boy she won’t be too harsh. 

“It was nice talking to you Mrs. Choi. Happy Holidays.”

He’s so polite to my mom. We walk back to my car and he tries to snatch his present away. I hold it above his head and he crosses his arms. 

“You’re the one who said you wanted to watch a movie and drink hot cider first.” I remind him as we buckle up. 

“That was before I saw this pretty wrapping paper.”

He doesn’t try to grab the bag again, instead taking a candy cane from his goodie bag. I turn on Christmas music and we bop all the way to Beomgyu’s house. 

His house is huge so I doubt his parents will bother us. Not that I mind, his parents are so nice to me. As soon as I step inside I can smell baked goods. Beomgyu tugs me to the kitchen and we see a platter of snacks. 

We thank Mrs. Choi then head to Beomgyu’s room with the tray. In the corner of his room there is a little Christmas tree with tiny ornaments. 

I sit on his bed with his present in hand. Beomgyu slips away into his closet and returns with a small Hyères bag. Usually he’s much more patient than this. He must really want to give me my gift. 

Beomgyu sits beside me folding his legs on the bed. We trade presents and I watch eagerly as he unwraps the green Monogram Jacquard Cardigan I bought him. His eyes go wide like saucer plates when he realizes what it is.

“I’ve been looking at this for a few weeks!” He exclaims, smiling brightly. “Open yours.”

The bag is filled with tissue paper and a box. I pull the box out and carefully open it to reveal a bracelet. It’s gold and looks like a thick paper clip or maybe a link of some sort. The bracelet has a string to adjust length. I like it a lot. He always knows what I want when I don’t even know myself.

“It looks so nice, Beomgyu. Can you adjust it for me?” I slide the bracelet on as I speak and he gladly helps me adjust the strings. 

The metal gleams from the overhead light and my stomach flutters. This gift is so simple but seems so personal at the same time. My best friend is so special. 

We have a chill night before I leave in the morning. Beomgyu had some last minute packing to do before they left at noon. A few times he’s complained about how boring these trips are, but he doesn’t fight his parents.

When they arrive safely, Beomgyu messages me. After that I didn't hear from him until the next morning. Knowing his parents, they were probably off to an activity as soon as they landed. His parents try to be active in his life but their jobs don’t always allow it. This trip is uninterrupted family time. 

A message from Beomgyu is waiting for me when I wake up. We don’t usually send each other morning texts. I’m especially surprised when I open the message to find a shirtless mirror selfie. He’s just wearing swim trunks and has sent OOTD after the photo. 

My heart starts beating wildly as I stare at his pecs. Why am I reacting like this about a photo of my best friend? I must be really lonely. When did Beomgyu get so confident? This new found boldness looks nice. 

My mind wanders thinking about Yeonjun sending me a picture like that. I slap my forehead trying to beat the ridiculous thoughts away. He has a girlfriend. He’s never going to want to date me. I’m just bringing myself more pain thinking like this. How can I get over someone I never had a chance with? 

Most of my day is spent practicing or trying to write new songs. Maybe getting my feelings out on paper will help me. I struggle to find the right tone for how I feel. By three I give up and decide to go outside to touch some grass. 

Taehyun messages me and we hang out at the park for a few hours. It’s nice to hang out with someone who won’t spread rumors about me. He doesn’t mention Yeonjun once but he does talk about Beomgyu quite often. Maybe Beomgyu was wrong about his chance with him. Obviously, I don’t say anything about that but I think about it every time he says his name. 

The next few days follow a similar schedule. Every morning Beomgyu sends me outfit pictures, with varying levels of clothing. Usually, he doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Other than the occasional meme or song recommendation. I start sending him my outfits after the second one, but that's mostly sweatpants and hoodies. He has been active on social media. He doesn’t seem very happy from what he’s posting. From his posts it seems like the person he likes is really oblivious. He’s being a sad boy. I wonder if he was talking to his crush and something happened. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding nosey. I decide to message him a picture of a cat. It’s late so I wasn’t expecting him to answer, but he quickly does. 

Beomie: that cat is cute

He’s my best friend. Shouldn’t I be able to just ask him questions? Why do I feel like I shouldn’t? I throw caution to the wind.

Soobin: are you okay? your twitter doesn’t seem so happy

He sends me a voice message instead of replying through text. I’m happy to hear his voice. It's been a few days and I kind of miss it.

“I’m okay. Just a little in my feelings because the only people I’ve been around are my parents.” 

His voice sounds sleepy and that brings a smile to my face. I imagine him sitting alone in his hotel room. Knowing him it’s dark and he’s huddled under the covers. 

“Your crush can’t be as oblivious as you say he is.” I record the voice message then listen to it once before sending it.

Beomie: trust me he is. it’s a little frustrating but he’s so cute he can get away with it

Soobin: i was hanging out with taehyun the other day and he kept mentioning you

Beomie: that’s interesting, but i’ve moved on. i might have a chance with my crush in a few months. i think he needs to figure out my feelings for himself 

Beomgyu thinks it will take this guy a few months to see his feelings. How thick is this guy? Or is Beomgyu not as obvious as he thinks he is? Either way whoever it is will be lucky to have him. 

Soobin: why does he need to figure it out himself if he’s so oblivious? why wouldn’t you just tell him

Beomie: he’s getting over someone right now and i don't want to be a rebound. i don’t want to rush him. a few moments with him have made it clear he has some kind of underlying feelings he isn’t sure about

I think of how we almost kissed and our habit of close cuddles. Thinking of him doing that with someone else leaves a strange feeling in my heart. He’s my best friend. It must be a protective feeling. I don’t want anyone to hurt him. 

Soobin: that makes sense. i hope he figures it out soon and you two can be happy together

He doesn’t answer me for several minutes and I assume he’s fallen asleep. I try to fall asleep but my mind is full of Yeonjun once again. At this point I really wish I could get selective amnesia. Thinking about him only makes me feel like shit. It’s embarrassing how much I think about someone who literally won’t give me a second glance. I guess this is what I get for falling in love with someone who has never told me they aren’t straight.

Yeonjun’s newest instagram picture is a cute couples photo. I wish it was me, but that will never be me. At least not with him. Probably never at all. Why would someone want me? I fall for the wrong people.

Winter break seems like a million years. By the time we return to school not very many people are talking about me anymore. I’m thankful for the spotlight being taken off of me. Hopefully, I will never be in that situation again. I think I’ve learned my lesson. Living my life like a coming of age teen romance is not worth it.

With every passing day my feelings for Yeonjun are getting fainter. I unfollowed him on every social media platform and that helped a lot. I don’t check it obsessively anymore and I don’t look at them during the few classes we share. 

He doesn’t speak to me and eventually I don’t care. Soon we’ll have to be friendly to get through the rest of the year, but for now this is what’s best. My first heartbreak without even a touch of anything special. 

On Valentine’s day I’m home alone watching netflix when I decide to look up the bracelet Beomgyu got me for Christmas. He’s been really supportive in helping me get over Yeonjun. My best friend is really good at keeping me busy and distracted. I woke up last week and realized I didn’t care what Yeonjun was posting or even how he’s doing. 

It only takes me a few minutes to find the bracelet after I realize what the brand is. I knew it was expensive but that’s not what shocks me. The meaning of the bracelet gives me an epiphany. 

You are my most treasured person in the whole world.

Oh. 

I’m Beomgyu’s crush. It all makes sense now. He made it so obvious and I never picked up on any of it. He is the first one to rush to my comfort. Beomgyu is the first person I tell everything to. He’s the one I want when I’m sad. I feel safe in his arms and he’s waited for me. He respected that I needed time to get over Yeonjun. 

I’ve misconstrued my own feelings. That weird feeling I had during winter break was jealousy. I want to be the one with him. The wild reactions I had were because my body knew what I didn’t. I like my best friend and he likes me. 

Without another thought I get dressed and grab my keys. Before I know it I’m sitting in Beomgyu’s driveway and I feel like I might puke. Why did I come here? I’m not bold enough to confess my feelings. What if I’ve got this all wrong? What if I’ve imagined this whole situation. 

I get out of the car taking deep breaths as I walk up to the front door. Before I can knock, the door swings open to reveal my best friend. He looks concerned but that doesn’t mask the soft features of his face. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, pulling me inside.

We take our shoes off and he shuts the door still waiting for my answer. 

“I looked up this bracelet.” I blurt out looking into eyes hoping he’ll give something away. His eyes widen in panic. “It made me realize I’m the one who you like.”

“Yes, it’s you.” He takes a deep breath giving me a calm look. “You can’t imagine how frustrating this has been. It’s okay if you don’t feel the-”

“What are you saying?” I cut him off not wanting him to feel insecure for one more minute. I guess I owe him this after making him wait so long. “I like you too.”

I step closer to him, placing one hand on his cheek. He tilts his head up and I look into his stunning eyes. A second later I lean in pressing my lips to my best friend’s. His lips are just as soft as I always imagined. My anxiety melts away as fireworks shoot my body. I never thought I would feel that. I imagined it was something that only happened in movies. 

“That was better than I imagined.” Beomgyu says a couple minutes later when we pull away from each other.

This is more awkward than I imagined. What am I supposed to do now? I came all the way here to confess my feelings and now we are just standing in the hallway. 

“How long have you had a crush on me?”

“I think I realized my feelings in September.” He walks into the living room and I follow closely behind. “I knew if I waited you’d figure it out eventually.”

Beomgyu sits on the couch and he can’t stop smiling. I can’t imagine how relieved he must feel that I finally found out. I’m nervous about where this will lead us. 

A part of me wonders if this is worth it. Of course, I want to act on my feelings. What I’m afraid of is what will be left if this doesn’t work out. Beomgyu is my best friend and I would be devastated to lose him as my friend. 

I leave soon after I arrive with no solid path to where this leads. We shouldn’t take things too fast. I’m excited for the uncertainty of my future for once.

At home I scroll through photos of Beomgyu and I with a fluttery chest. Is he my person? How has this been sitting in front of me for years without me ever noticing? 

Privately I’ve dreamed and planned dates I never thought would come to fruition. Now, I have a chance to be the boyfriend I’ve always wanted to be. Once I figure out how to cross that kind again. I don’t think this is going to be easy. Starting a new kind of relationship with him is definitely going to take some time and boundaries. 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. 

Beomgyu is waiting by my locker when I get to school the next morning. He’s holding a muffin and I’m glad I decided to get us coffee. It was an internal struggle. I’m not sure why I was freaking out. Just because we’ve confessed to each other doesn’t mean we can’t do the same things we used to. I didn’t memorize his coffee order two years ago for nothing. 

“Good morning, Soobin.” he says as I approach. I hand over his coffee and he smiles. “Thank you.”

“Good morning.” I say back feeling my worries melt away.

We stand next to my locker drinking our coffees for a moment before he speaks again. I’m surprised at how casual we can keep this with our feelings out in the open. We aren’t living in a fanfiction, I suppose. Not every moment can be easy and beautiful.

“Do you still want to come over on Friday?”

We are supposed to watch bootleg broadway and help each other find songs for spring concert auditions. Our feelings for each other shouldn’t make this different. Maybe it's just more interesting.

“Of course. I’m looking forward to it.” 

The bell rings and I rush off to class. I can't stop daydreaming about Beomgyu. Knowing he likes me back makes it all the harder to focus. In the back of my mind I’m wondering if he’s just a replacement crush, but we have so much chemistry. We make sense. 

By lunchtime I've already drafted a list of potential songs for spring auditions. I’m not sure I’ll be selected after what I pulled last time, but I have to try. 

The next day in choir I arrive early and see the room is nearly empty except Yeonjun, Heather and a few freshmen. Quietly, I take my seat hoping no one will speak to me. I can hear Yeonjun and Heather talking in low voices.

“I don’t understand why you’re upset.” Yeonjun says, sitting back with his arms crossed. “I just said Frank Ocean is-”

“I don’t need to hear it again. Maybe you should spend some time thinking.” Heather says in the best fake caring voice I’ve ever heard.

She stands up swiftly flipping her hair over her shoulder. Heather walks towards her section and pulls out her phone. I bet her private story is about to hear about whatever Yeonjun did to piss her off. 

“Soobin, do you need song recommendations?” Yeonjun says plopping himself in the chair next to me. “I heard Mr. Bang asked you to audition. He must love the drama.”

“I’ve already started a list.” I say slowly. “I’m going to try to keep it lowkey this time.” 

He laughs and I'm able to keep my composure. Yeonjun hasn’t spoken to me past hello in awhile. I think I’d like to still be his friend, now that I’m over my silly little crush. 

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

I hate that his words still affect me even when I thought they wouldn’t. Thankfully I’m saved by our director starting class. Yeonjun moves away from me and I can see Beomgyu looking between the two of us.

On Thursday Yeonjun stops me as I’m walking to the parking lot. He looks different somehow but I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe he’s going through something.

“Soobin!” He calls and I turn around. Yeonjun is smiling wide with his hands shoved inside his hoodie pocket. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”

Again my heart betrays me acting as if I still have feelings for him. Of course I don’t. I like Beomgyu and we are hanging out tomorrow. Who knows what we’ll actually end up doing, but I have to stick to my plans. 

“I actually have plans with Beomgyu tomorrow.”

He looks a bit disappointed but continues anyway.

“Well if you two get bored, come by my place. My parents are out of town and my cousin has so graciously provided us with some beverages.”

I nod, giving a short goodbye before getting into my car. 

I doubt Beomgyu and I will get bored but the idea of going to a party at Yeonjun’s house is extremely interesting. When did I start liking parties? Or do I just want an escape from the confusion and worry in my head. 

I’m sure Beomgyu knows about the party but hasn’t mentioned it at all. Is he that excited to spend time alone with me? I’m scared of ruining our friendship even if I do want more. But there is no going back from here. We already confessed to each other and we can’t pretend that didn’t happen. I kissed him and it was wonderful. 

Homework distracts me from my ever troubling boy problems for a few hours. Then I think about texting Beomgyu but think better of it. What if he thinks I’m clingy? What if he realizes he doesn’t like me how he thinks he does?

I record a few songs that were on my list, but I’m not satisfied. Yeonjun texts me with a list of songs he’d like to hear me sing and I can’t contain a squeal. I thought I was done with this shit. 

I’m going to bed. 

Friday morning I pack a variety of outfits for Beomgyu’s house with the plan to make him go to Yeonjun’s party. How will I achieve that? I have no idea. I’m sure it won’t be that hard.

Almost as soon as I arrived at school I’m dragged into a practice room. Beomgyu looks particularly cheery this morning. I have no idea why I’m in here with the door shut. 

“Good morning.” He says before backing me against a wall.

He looks up at me, puts a hand lightly on the back of my neck and pulls me towards him. Soon we are making out in the practice room. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but I’m not complaining. 

I flip us so Beomgyu’s back is against the wall and he gasps. His lips are soft and he tastes of mint. He knows exactly what to do to keep me wanting more. My hand has just made its way under his shirt when the door opens. 

“Who’s in here so-” Yeonjun says and I quickly step away from Beomgyu. Yeonjun looks like he was just crying. “Oh my god I’m so sorry! I’ll go. I’m so sorry.”

Yeonjun has an expression I can’t quite read on his face as he rushes out of the practice room. I turn back towards Beomgyu and I think he’s a little upset we got interrupted. 

“I’ll see you later.” I say patting Beomgyu��s shoulder before walking out of the practice room. 

That was so awkward. Why did I pat his shoulder? We just made out for fifteen minutes! I don’t think that warrants friendly shoulder pats. Why was it Yeonjun of all people who caught us? That makes it feel weirder for some reason. 

Everything would’ve been perfect if Yeonjun hadn’t decided to use that specific practice room this early in the morning. He never comes in this early. I wonder what he wanted to do. Maybe he’s worried about his spring solo. Technically he hasn’t gotten it yet but we all know how it goes. If you are the duo at the winter concert you both get solos at the spring concert. Unless you majorly fuck up.

Memories of Beomgyu’s lips all over mine fill my head until I see him again. He casually touches my thigh in choir before pulling away when someone looks over. Is he doing that for my sake? 

No one has said anything about us making out in the practice room so I’m assuming Yeonjun didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t really think he would and I’m glad that I know him that well.

Choir is hard today. I’m distracted, still haven’t chosen a piece and the rest of my section is just not vibing together. I’m extremely grateful when lunch comes around. 

Beomgyu and I sit at a table together and Taehyun joins us. We eat talking about music mostly and a little bit of gossip we’ve heard around school.

Once we’re finished Beomgyu leads me away from Taehyun. I vaguely wonder if he’s pulling me into a secluded part of the school so he can kiss me again. We end up in my car far away from anyone else. 

For a moment I wish he’d talk to me but all that is forgotten when his lips are pressed against mine. His touch is so soft but he’s so toned. We don’t speak to one another until we are walking back into the building. 

“Can we talk about this later?” I say knowing the bell will ring before we can finish the conversation.

He doesn’t look confused and nods before walking faster towards his classroom. I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to say but at least I have a few hours to think about it. 

As much as I like kissing him it feels rushed. It’s hardly been any time since we confessed to each other. I’m still trying to work through whether or not I want to pursue this relationship. It seemed like such a good idea a few days ago but now I’m worried. What happens if we break up? Our friendship could never recover from that. Beomgyu has spent so long pining after me. How could we go back to what we had before I knew?

Beomgyu is bouncing his leg once we settle into the car. I start the car keeping my music playing quietly. We start driving towards his house and he starts speaking before I can say anything. 

“I’m sorry for jumping on you like that. I’ve waited so long to be able to kiss you like that and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I genuinely like you so much. More than I can even explain.”

Nothing like this has ever happened. I didn’t think Beomgyu would want to kiss me in every spare moment. He doesn’t talk about his past romantic endeavors and he doesn’t strike me as someone who is so forward. Though he did give painfully obvious hints to me for months before I realized his feelings. He’s always seemed like someone who would want to define the relationship before making out in a practice room. 

“I’m just a little surprised. I thought we would do things more slowly.” I keep my eyes on the road. I’m not sure I can handle looking at him. “Diving straight into making out in the practice room was a little overwhelming.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We’ve cuddled so many times and are so physically close I thought it wouldn’t be that drastic. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

I don’t know what to say so I turn the music up and sing. He joins me with a wary look on his face and soon we are back to normal. Well almost. I guess there is always going to be a little tension now that we’ve confessed. 

We arrive at Beomgyu’s house and he insists on carrying my bag to his room. I make myself at home on his bed and start scrolling through twitter. I don’t see anything too interesting. A few people have posted a flyer for Yeonjun’s party telling their followers to hit them up for the address. Yeonjun only lives a few streets over from Beomgyu. We could walk over there without getting caught. 

“What are we going to watch?” I ask, smiling. 

I do want to keep kissing him but I’m still not sure about all my feelings. Why am I suddenly thinking about Yeonjun so much? I know it was only two months but I thought my feelings had finally drifted away. Now he’s speaking to me again and I’m not so sure. I really like Beomgyu and want to be with him but it’s not fair if my heart isn’t fully for him.

“Your pick.” He flops onto the bed handing me the remote.

I choose randomly without caring what is playing. We sit stiffly next for the first half of the play. I think he’s afraid of making the first move now. The one time I’m vocal.

Beomgyu puts his arm around me when I lean my head against his shoulder. Several minutes later he kisses the crown of my head then coughs. My face flushes and he seems embarrassed. 

A while later Beomgyu’s head is on my chest and my fingers are carding through his hair. We are both on our phones not really paying attention. 

“Do you want to go to Yeonjun’s party?” I ask after seeing a story from another junior. “It looks lit.”

I put my phone in front of his face and replay the story. He sits up and looks back at me for a moment before jumping out of bed. 

Beomgyu’s parents are already asleep so we’ll have no trouble leaving. My parents will never know and we’ll have a fun night.

“Let’s get ready!” He says immediately removing his shirt.

For a moment I’m distracted by Beomgyu’s abs. I walk towards him and rest my hand on his stomach. He doesn’t stop me looking up at me. We just had a conversation about this but I can’t help myself.

We look into each other’s eyes for a moment before I lean down with my eyes closed. Our lips come together and my hands slide to his bare back. His skin is so soft. I wonder what lotion he uses. It’s several minutes before I pull away.

“Maybe we should get ready before we get ahead of ourselves.”

Beomgyu gives me a cheeky smile like he’s pleased I can’t keep my hands off him. He turns around to continue getting dressed. I pull out the outfit I planned for the party and put it on quickly. 

We leave the light on and a movie playing just in case his parents wake up. Beomgyu and I walk through the back door and into the back yard. We sprint around the side of the house only slowing down when we can no longer see his house. 

Beomgyu pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. A shooter of Fireball. He pulls me behind a bush and twists open the bottle. 

“Where did you even get these?” I question knowing he’s not going to tell me. 

“Don’t worry about it, Soobin.” 

I twist open the shooter and we tap them together before downing them. I cringe at the taste but Beomgyu takes it like a champ. He takes the bottle back from me and puts it back in his pocket. 

My hand brushes his as we walk down the street only illuminated by street lamps. I grab his hand and weave my fingers through his. I steal a glance towards him and he’s smiling. 

We can hear music getting louder as we approach Yeonjun’s house. I drop Beomgyu’s hand as we walk in together. The front door is wide open and people are spilling out onto the lawn. 

“BEOMGYU CHOI!” Someone yells as soon as we’ve stepped inside. 

Swiftly Beomgyu is taken away by a group of girls with a confused look on his face. I sigh, deciding the kitchen will probably be less populated. I walk into the kitchen and make myself a drink in a red solo cup. I take a sip and it’s a little too strong but I’ll just deal with it. 

Through the back door I can see people hanging out in the backyard. I step outside looking for Yeonjun and after a few minutes I see him sitting alone on a bench. He’s on the far side of the backyard with his back to me. Yeonjun is mostly out of view unless you’re at the right angle. Slowly, I make my way through the crowd of people wondering why he’s alone at his own party. 

“Junie?” I say sitting beside him on the bench. 

He’s wearing blue jeans and a slightly cropped red shirt. I can see just a little bit of his toned stomach poking out. He looks up at me and just like this morning he seems different. Maybe this time it’s because he’s intoxicated?

“Soobin!” He instantly perks up when he realizes who sat beside him. “You made it!”

“Yeah, someone took Beomgyu as soon as we got here so I came looking for you.” I say taking another gulp of my drink trying not to cringe. “Why are you sitting out here all by yourself?”

“Usually I would beat around the bush but I have no energy for that right now.” He stares off in front of him and takes a sip of his beer. “Heather broke up with me yesterday because she thinks my heart lies somewhere else.”

He glances back at me to gauge my reaction and I feel stupid hope running through my body. Why am I suddenly getting butterflies like him being single means he could be mine? I’m worried about Yeonjun because he seems quite upset but I can’t be delusional. 

“Somewhere else as in with another person?” 

“Yeah you could say that.” His eyes don’t leave mine and I’m wondering if he means something by that.

I chug my drink thinking I’ll need a boost of confidence to stay here with my confusing feelings any longer. Somehow I don’t choke and Yeonjun laughs. 

“Let’s go have some fun and forget about Heather!” I stand holding a hand out for him to grab. “I’ll even tell you what song I’m thinking about choosing if I get a solo again. If I have a good night.”

He looks intrigued by my offer and takes my hand. I pull him up and drag him inside where he offers to make us both drinks. 

We enter the living room and we start dancing with drinks in hand. Yeonjun doesn't seem to care about anyone’s opinions right now. He’s vibing to the music and it makes my heart flutter watching him let loose. 

An hour and a half later Yeonjun and I are giggling and stumbling back to the bench outside. We set our drinks on the ground even though they will probably fall over. Our thighs are touching and my heart is pounding.

“Let’s play a game. We ask questions and if you don’t want to answer you drink.” Yeonjun says continuing to stare forward.

“Okay. You go first.” I say picking my drink up.

“Are you dating Beomgyu?” 

Why is this the first question he wants to know? I get that everyone is nosey and he saw us kissing but that doesn’t necessarily mean we are dating. Beomgyu and I do spend a lot of time together. I guess it would be easy to jump to that conclusion.

“He likes me a lot and I like him but I’m afraid of ruining my friendship with him. We confessed to each other and obviously you saw us kiss but I’m still not sure.” I say sipping my drink. “Is this other girl in your class? The one your heart lies with.”

“Soobin I’m bisexual.” He looks terrified to have just said that out loud. 

“Thank you for feeling comfortable to share that with me. I’m proud of you.” I rush to assure him that I accept him.

I’m sure he had no question that I would. I wrote the man a whole goddamn song. For years I’ve hoped he would say this to me and while more hope is rushing to my head, I just want to make sure he’s okay. 

“How did you get so perfect?” He mutters so softly I’m almost not sure what I heard.

“What?” 

He turns to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I look into his dark eyes wondering if he’ll say it louder. 

“You know what to say to make people feel safe. You’ve inspired me to be myself and made me realize that I didn’t really want Heather. I wanted you but I was too afraid to process those feelings.” Yeonjun puts a hand on the side of my neck. “My heart lies with you, Soobin.”

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear those words.”

Truly I’ve been waiting for this for years and now that it’s actually happening I'm not sure how to react. I convinced myself I was over him but I wouldn’t be so conflicted right now if that was true. A part of me wants to jump into his arms and promise to be his and another part of me is wondering where my best friend is. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks and I’m afraid my heart might explode if I move. 

I manage to nod my head and I feel like I’m in a movie. The guy I’ve had a crush on for years is finally kissing me while we’re drunk at his party. This isn’t how I’d imagined it, but that makes it more memorable. 

His lips are sweet from the juice in our drinks. Yeonjun pulls me closer and it’s so different from kissing Beomgyu. This feels thrilling and foreign but so right. I could’ve stayed there for the rest of the night kissing him. 

“Soobin? Taehyun said he saw you over-” Beomgyu’s voice pulls me away from Yeonjun and I can see tears beginning to brim at his eyes. “Oh.”

Before I can say anything Beomgyu runs off into the crowd of people. I get up looking back at Yeonjun trying to make some kind of decision. I can’t make any definite decisions right now.

“I need to go after him. If something happens I’ll never forgive myself.” 

Yeonjun nods slowly and I run off desperately trying to find Beomgyu. I search the backyard before going inside.

“Have any of you seen Beomgyu?” I ask loudly and most of them shrug. 

“I think he left.” A senior, who’s name I can’t remember, replies.

“Thank you.” I say as I sprint through the house. 

I slow to a walk looking in the brushes for him thinking he wouldn’t have gone all the way home. I don’t find him and I’m beginning to panic. He must’ve gone all the way home. 

Once around the back of Beomgyu’s house I see him sitting in the grass. His head is tilted back looking at the stars. I’ve fucked up so badly. 

“Please go back to the party.” Beomgyu says coldly without turning around. I get down on my knees beside him but he refuses to look at me. “You obviously have some leftover feelings for Yeonjun. He finally wants you and I don’t want to stand in the way of that. Figure yourself out before you lose two people you care about.” 

“Beomgyu, I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute and he looks sad when he finally meets my eyes. 

“Please figure this out. I’m tired of feeling like this is an unattainable crush that’s only going to end in heartbreak. If you need to be with him I won’t hold it against you, but I can’t be around you right now.” 

Beomgyu gets up and walks away before I can say anything else. I sit there for several minutes trying to process what the fuck is going on. Beomgyu comes back out with my bag and plops it down beside me. 

“If it’s an emergency call me, but otherwise don’t call me until you have your feelings for me straight.”

He walks back into the house and I stand up collecting my bag. I walk back to Yeonjun’s house wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do.

Yeonjun finds me as soon as I walk into the house and when he sees I have a bag he steers me towards his room. He turns on the light and shuts the door behind himself. I sit on the corner of his bed and let out a big breath. 

“Binnie, are you okay?” He asks, taking a seat next to me and putting a hand between my shoulder blades.

“Beomgyu told me he doesn’t want to talk to me until I figure myself out. I feel like I was dumped even though we weren’t dating. Can we just dance?”

I stand up ready to leave the room when Yeonjun pulls me into a hug. He must’ve known just what I needed. My heart is beating wildly but it feels so comforting to be in his arms engulfed in the cologne I told his ex about. 

“We can dance our hearts out or play a game. Whatever you want.”

Yeonjun holds my hand as we walk out of his room back to the kitchen. He pours two shots then looks around to see if anyone else wants one. A few people come over so he pours more. He lifts it up and cheers,

“To friends and lovers fuck the others.” Yeonjun shouts and we cheer back. 

I tap my shot on the counter before throwing it down my throat. We run outside and dance under the stars until hardly anyone is left. 

In the morning I wake up confused. Where am I? This isn’t Beomgyu’s room. This place smells like Yeonjun. The memories of what Beomgyu said to me come rushing back but not much after that. 

Slowly I get out of Yeonjun’s bed feeling a little sore and my heart is pounding. What did we do? I walk into the bathroom attached to his room and gasp when I see myself in the mirror. My hair is mussed and my neck and collarbones are covered in hickeys. I’m only wearing a pair of boxers and I suddenly feel insecure. I can’t remember what we did and I’m terrified of that. Why did I stay here? The first time I black out and who knows what I did!

“Soobin, are you okay?” Yeonjun calls from his bed.

I walk back into the room and his eyes widen as he looks at my body in the daylight. Quickly, I stoop down to retrieve a shirt then sit on the edge of the bed. 

Yeonjun lets the blanket fall from his chest and I see I got him just as good as he got me. Somehow that makes me less worried about whatever we did. It’s hot knowing I’m the one that did that to him. 

“I don’t remember anything after I came back.” I say crawling up the bed to sit beside Yeonjun.

“Neither do I, but it looks like we had fun.” He takes my hand tracing his thumb over the back of my hand.

“My parents are going to kill me if they see this.” I say trying not to freak out. “I’ve never really done something like whatever we did.”

I want to pull my hand away but I don’t. His touch is comforting me in this very vulnerable moment. He doesn’t say anything for a moment but he looks surprised.

“Let’s try to not let ourselves get into another situation like that.” He tilts my head so I look into his eyes. “I’d rather cherish and remember every moment I spend with you.” 

He knows how to keep my stomach fluttering like he’s constantly confessing to me for the first time. Everything about this is scary, but it’s so exciting.

“Let’s eat breakfast.” I say standing up to look for my clothes. “I can’t leave until Beomgyu’s parents go to work anyways.”

Yeonjun and I walk to the kitchen together. Taehyun and two seniors are still here. I know the seniors are close to Yeonjun. 

The house is a wreck with cups and cans thrown all over the place. A table in the living room is flipped over. We’ll have our work cut out for us cleaning up. 

“Yeonjun on breakfast duty with Yongsoo. The rest of us can start cleaning up.” Taehyun says grabbing trash bags from under the sink. 

Afterwards, he steers me outside and I know he’s about to ask me a million questions. Throwing myself into the trees doesn’t seem like a bad idea right now. 

“I’m not going to answer any questions about what happened because I can’t remember.” I say picking up a few cans. 

His mouth falls open and he quickly shuts it. For a moment he quietly picks up trash. 

“I woke up and I heard giggling coming from Yeonjun’s room. I peeked into the room just to make sure everything was okay. I really think you just kissed a lot.” I can feel my face heat up thinking of Taehyun seeing me kissing Yeonjun nearly naked. “I personally don’t think anything more than touches happened from what I could hear after stepping away from the door.”

“Honestly, that makes me feel a little better. Even if I’m a little embarrassed you saw that.” 

“You’ve really got two of the best guys at our school pining after you. I wouldn’t want to be in your position. Though it seems like someone has caught you for now.” 

Taehyun pokes my neck before walking away to gather more trash. How am I going to hide this from my parents? I’m so lucky it’s winter. I wonder if Yeonjun has a turtleneck I could borrow. 

“I don’t know what to do. Beomgyu isn’t going to speak to me until I figure myself out. I’m afraid of losing him as everything, but it’s so exhilarating just being around Jun.”

He shakes his bag looking for more trash. He’s debating whether or not he should say something.

“Yeonjun is sexy, charismatic and seems like the kind of guy that makes every moment feel brand new but only for so long. Beomgyu seems long term. He’s obviously the person you trust and cherish most, which is why you are so scared.” Taehyun looks at me while he speaks and I wonder where he found this wisdom. “But I’m not you. Give it a few weeks.”

Part of me is mad that he’s perceiving my relationships when we aren’t even that close. The other part of me knows that he’s right. The bracelet on my wrist shows just how deeply Beomgyu’s feelings for me run. That doesn’t make me less scared and maybe that’s why I’m doing this.

For so long I’ve wanted to be the one Yeonjun can’t stop thinking about. I don’t think I was ever truly over him, just distracted. Of course, I want to pursue this but is it worth losing contact with my best friend? 

“Breakfast is ready!” Yeonjun calls out the back door. 

We sit down and slip into comfortable conversation as we eat. No one mentions the state of our necks and I’m thankful. My head is pounding and I just want to go to bed. 

“Can I borrow a scarf?” I ask Yeonjun after we’ve cleaned everything up. The others left a little while ago. “My parents will not be okay with this.”

“I wish I could remember giving them to you.” 

He leans close to me, opening a drawer filled with scarves and belts. I choose one that vaguely matched my outfit and wrap it around my neck. 

I turn around and grab his hips. Looking down on him I have the perfect view of his eyes. They have gone wide like he didn’t expect me to grab him. I lean down and press a soft kiss on his forehead. He sputters and hides his face in my chest. I hug him closely. 

“I have to go but I’ll text you later, okay?” I say putting a finger under his chin.

“Okay.” He says softly. 

This Yeonjun is so different from the bold version I’ve come to adore over the years. He looks almost innocent here. I can’t wait to come to know him more intimately.

Chastely I kiss him before gathering my things and beginning the walk to Beomgyu’s house. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this situation. 

I’m a little disappointed when Beomgyu doesn’t come outside. Then I realize my keys aren’t in my bag. I look on the front porch before texting Beomgyu. 

Soobin: i think my keys are still inside…

Beomie: i’ll bring them down.

He doesn’t say a word to me as he hands me my keys. His face is puffy and it looks like he’s been crying recently. My heart drops thinking I’ve caused this. 

“Do we really have to not talk to each other?” I ask before he reaches the front door. 

“Soobin,” He turns around and sighs. “Please realize that seeing you kissing someone else is hard for me. I need some time by myself. I know we aren’t dating but I just thought…”

He looks frustrated and I can understand. I’d probably react the same if I saw him making out with someone. 

“I didn’t expect any of this to happen. I’m sorry for any-”

Cold wind pulls the scarf away from my neck and I quickly readjust. But it’s too late he’s already seen. His face drops and it’s almost as if I can hear his heart breaking.

“I’m going inside.” He manages his voice so nearly cracking. “It looks like you had fun.”

“We didn’t…” I don’t know how to say this. Beomgyu opens the front door only stopping when I continue. “I can’t even remember what happened, but I’m sure it wasn’t that.”

“It makes no difference to me what you are doing with him.” He says through gritted teeth before walking inside and slamming the door. 

I’m surprised I don’t cry when I get in my car. The whole way home I don’t turn on any music. I collapse on my bed as soon as I arrive home. Where I do cry because I feel bad. Why am I in this situation? What’s so great about me?

Once I’m done feeling sorry for myself I do all the homework I’ve been neglecting. Afterwards I take a shower and change into a turtleneck. Just in case my parents decide to barge into my room. 

I’m down to two songs for my audition on Tuesday. I can't decide so I practice them equally. I want another solo so bad. I wish I could write another song. I hope Mr. Bang won't be disappointed that there won’t be so much drama this time. 

Yeonjun☺️: binnie! do you want to see a movie with me? there’s a movie i think you’d like that has a showing at 7

It’s just past six when he messages me. Is he asking me on a date? Even after everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours I didn’t think he’d ask me on a date. 

Soobin: that sounds fun! 

Yeonjun☺️: okay i’ll pick you up. see you soon 💛

I rush to put on my cutest outfit and pair it with the scarf I borrowed from Yeonjun. After fixing my hair and applying chapstick I go downstairs. 

“Where are you going?” My mother asks, looking up from the drama she was watching.

“I have plans to see a movie with one of my friends. I finished all my homework.” 

“Okay.” She says with a smile. ”Be home before midnight or call me if your plans change.” 

Quickly, I go outside before my mom can change her mind. Yeonjun shows up a few minutes later looking like those threads stan accounts tweet. The ones where the celebrity is in everyday clothes. Boyfriend looks. The sweet aura that makes my heart flutter. 

He fidgets with his hair as I get into the car. Yeonjun is also wearing a scarf to cover what I did to his neck. 

“Hi, how are you?”

This is so much more awkward then we usually are with each other. I answer him then he turns the music up and we don’t say another word until we get to the theater.

He buys the tickets and I buy the snacks and we head into our theater. Yeonjun’s hand inches closer to me throughout the movie before he finally takes my hand in his. 

The movie is exactly the kind I like and I’m surprised he knew. He smiles at me while we walk back to the car. I’m ranting about a specific scene and how I would have done something completely different in that situation.

“Where are we going?” I ask several minutes later when I realize we aren’t on the way home. 

“I thought we could go for a drive.” 

Yeonjun puts on my playlist and we sing together. We are driving down the highway with no light around us and I’m wondering how many other people he's done this with. How many times has Heather sat in this seat wondering where they were going? I wanted to be Heather so bad and now here I am with my chance. It doesn’t feel like I thought it would. 

Do I like these moments because they are with Yeonjun or because they are happening at all? Is there some part of me that just wants to be in a relationship and has romanticised him? 

For a while we drive until we arrive at an empty field. He takes my hand and we walk until we are close to the middle. He lies down on the grass and looks up at the stars. 

I join him, feeling the heat of his body next to mine. Our hands brush against each other and I intertwine our fingers.

“How many people have you dated?” Yeonjun asks several minutes later. 

“I’ve never dated anyone seriously. I had a girlfriend in middle school but I don’t think that counts. I’ve only kissed a few people.”

“Oh. I guess it’d be hard to find someone at our school.”

He couldn’t be more right. Why would someone come out when they saw what happened to me? If they weren’t scared of Yeonjun I’d probably still be getting hateful comments.

“And you? I know you dated Yeji and Heather obviously.” 

He sighs like he doesn’t want to talk about this, but he’s the one who brought it up in the first place.

“They are the only ones I’ve actually dated. I’ve hooked up with a few more people.”

My heart sinks thinking of how inexperienced I am in comparison. How am I supposed to compare when the most sexual thing I’ve ever done I don’t even remember?

“Were any of them boys?” I ask without thinking.

He rolls onto his side and props his head up on his hand. His eyes are shining in the moonlight and he’s smiling widely.

“I think we have about the same experience with boys. I kissed one other boy at summer camp.”

It’s reassuring to know he’s new to experiences with guys. If we ever get that far maybe it won’t be so anxiety inducing. But maybe any experience like that with someone as hot as him would be scary. 

Yeonjun’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes it out. I take mine out as well and look through snapchat stories. Beomgyu’s name appears first and he’s at a bonfire making it look like he’s having the time of his life. I say it that way because I doubt he’s actually having the time of his life. 

“Do you want to go?” I ask looking down on him with his phone screen illuminating his face. 

“Only if you want to.” 

I pull him off the ground and we walk back to the car hand in hand. As much as this is fun I want to make sure Beomgyu is okay. Even if it’s unlikely he’ll talk to me at all. 

The party is in full swing when we arrive. We are handed drinks as soon as we enter and Yeonjun is whisked off by his friend. Suddenly, I’m lonely in a room full of people. 

I scan the room looking for anyone to talk to you. Beomgyu is standing in the corner laughing with Taehyun. His face is red and he’s wearing the present I got him for Christmas. We lock eyes from across the room and his face falls before he turns his back on me. Then he kisses Taehyun and I chug my drink feeling it burn the whole way down. 

Where is Yeonjun? I need to get away from my friends making out in the corner. I hope he’s just doing it to spite me, but part of me wonders if he’s using Taehyun to forget about me.

I make my way to the kitchen for another drink and spot Yeonjun outside. He’s rubbing his friend’s back speaking to him with a sad expression on his face. 

Yeonjun looks into my eyes and has someone else take his place next to his friend. He comes inside and puts an arm around my waist. 

“I’m sorry my friend is going through something and needed to talk to me.”

Suddenly, I don’t want to be here at all. Why am I here? Do I even like parties? 

“It’s okay, but I think I’m just going to go home.” 

I take Yeonjun’s hand off my waist and start to walk away. He pulls me back and instead of a heart swoop I just feel annoyed. His well groomed brows are pulled together.

“Are you sure? I was having such a good time with you.”

I put on a brave face so that he’ll leave me alone without worrying. His hand is still around my wrist and I can smell his cologne.

“Just have to get back before curfew. I’ll text you later.” 

He tries to kiss me but I turn my head. Yeonjun lets me go without another word. I walk two miles home in the dark, but it’s better than watching my best friend make out with Taehyun. I have no right to be upset about it but of course I am.

If I really like Yeonjun as much as I say I do, why is Beomgyu affecting me so much? All my thoughts come back to Beomgyu. I can’t be with Yeonjun for a minute without wondering how many other people he’s done the same thing with. 

Beomgyu is the person I trust most in this world. We’ve been friends for years and he makes me feel so safe. I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and I just hope I can make it up to him. 

When auditions roll around everyone is on edge wondering who will get the solos. I decide to sing Fools by Troye Sivan for my audition. Beomgyu sits three seats away from me as we watch the others perform. Heather sings Just a Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande and Yeonjun rolls his eyes. 

I focus on Yeonjun when it’s finally my turn to perform. I am a fool to think this could’ve worked between us. We are too different and this was all just a fantasy. 

After my performance Yeonjun steps on the stage and sings Home by One Direction with his full heart while looking straight at me. Yeonjun isn’t my home. 

Beomgyu is like my light, sun and every other comforting word you can think of. He makes me want to be better and he’s the first person I want to tell about every achievement. Beomgyu is my home.

When Beomgyu steps up on stage for the last audition I’m on the edge of my seat. No one has told me what he decided to sing. 

The first notes of Yellow by Coldplay fill my ears and my heart swells. He smiles while he looks into my eyes telling me that this is for me. He sings so beautifully I’m nearly in tears at the end. 

Before I can compliment Beomgyu, Yeonjun drags me away. We are backstage in the green room with other students close enough to hear us. 

“That was some song choice, Soobin.” Yeonjun says, sitting down on the piano bench with crossed arms.

“I’m sorry I was trying to figure out the best way to say this.” I pause looking away from his eyes. “I don’t think this was ever going to work out.”

“What? You meant it?” 

There is no trace of happiness left on his beautiful face. He’s staring straight at me like that might fix this. Of course, that’s not the case and it pains me to do this. 

“I think I was in love with the idea of being with you. Not actually in love with you.”

He puts his face into his hands and laughs. There is no humor in the laugh, just a sad bark. 

“I can’t believe this happened to me twice in one year. Heather figured out I liked you and then admitted she just wanted a relationship not specifically one with me. Of course, I’m not worth actually being in love with. I’m just a fucking placeholder until college. A fucking convenience.”

When he lifts his head I can see tears streaming down his face. My heart hurts that I’ve made another person feel this way. This is a situation I never thought I’d be in. 

“There is someone out there for you. They just probably aren’t here and I’m sorry for hurting you. I wish I could’ve realized my true feelings earlier and saved you this pain.”

“I can’t wait to graduate and get the hell out of here.” He mutters putting his head back in his hands. “Go apologize to Beomgyu. My pain shouldn’t be for nothing.” 

Mr. Bang has already finished by the time I walk back into the auditorium. Beomgyu has already left so I walk to my car. 

I don’t see him in the parking lot so I go home and begin working on his birthday present. On my way home I have a brilliant over the top idea that I won’t have to spend any money on. 

As much as I miss Beomgyu I think waiting until his birthday will give us a good amount of time to think. I still need a few days to process the hell of this weekend. 

At 12am I message him. This is the first time I’ve spoken to him all week and part of me is scared he won’t answer me. 

Soobin: happy birthday beomgyu! thank you for being beside me in every endeavor even when i’m being an idiot. you are the most special person in my life and i hope we can celebrate together 💖

The morning of Beomgyu’s birthday I show up to school with a gift basket and wait by his locker. I have an apology ready in my mind. Beomgyu sees me waiting and a smile creeps onto his face. He’s wearing a hoodie and skinny jeans. Everything about him is perfect.

“Happy birthday, Beomie.” I say as soon as he’s close enough. 

“Thank you.” 

Beomgyu takes the basket and puts it inside his locker before pulling me off to a remote corner of the school. My heart is pounding and at this moment I wish he was about to pounce me. 

“I’m sorry for what I put you through for the last week. I needed time to figure out my feelings and thankfully it didn’t take that long.” He doesn’t say anything so I continue. “I had made up a version of him that didn’t feel the same when I was really there. You make my heart sing and feel safe at the same time. You are my home and I want to be your boyfriend. But we can make that official tomorrow so our anniversary isn’t your birthday.”

I feel like I’m just ranting by this point Beomgyu throws himself into my arms. I wrap him in my arms tight like I’m afraid he might slip away. 

“I want to be your boyfriend too.” He replies, tilting his head to look at me. “Can we kiss?” 

I lean into his lips and feel fireworks. Just like I should when I’m with someone I love. We are clinging to each other like it’s been years rather than a week since we last kissed. His hand has just slid up my shirt when the bell rings and he whines. 

“We can do more of that later.” I whisper with a finger under his chin. 

Feeling bold I wink before running away from him laughing. I ride the high of having my best friend back all day. Even seeing how sad Yeonjun looks can’t stop the happiness I’m feeling.

After school Beomgyu and I drive to his house where I’m going to show him what I made for him. His parents have given us uninterrupted access to the huge tv in the living room. They set up my present before we arrived. 

We sit on the couch and I hit play. A slideshow of pictures of Beomgyu and I over the years starts playing while I sing You and Me by Lifehouse over the slideshow. It took me several tries to record this and even longer to edit the photos and videos together. There were a lot more than I thought. 

When the video is over Beomgyu straddles me and kisses my face everywhere. Afterwards he hugs me and I think I’ll never get enough of this. How could it possibly be anyone else? How was I so naive and blinded by Yeonjun? Of course it’s Beomgyu.

My love for Beomgyu is so pure and I can’t imagine how I ever missed all the signs. We can get through any challenges life throws at us together. Heather doesn’t matter and it’s hard for me to believe how strongly I felt just a few months ago. I don’t need to be Heather so someone will love me. I just need to be Soobin. All I can do is be the best Soobin the world has ever known. Luckily, I get to do that with Beomgyu by my side.

[specialagentlokitty]

Mr Evershed x Student!reader - who we are

Part four:

You still had to finish your time in resolve, but you didn’t mind that.

For the most part you just sat in there drawing, listening to music or sleeping, but today you were doing something else.

You were sat on top of one of the tables, solely focused on the sheet of paper in front of you as you pulled up different coloured pens and pencils.

“Tables aren’t for sitting on.”

You paused and glanced up before glancing back down to carry on your current project.

“Chair got uncomfortable.” You replied.

“Right okay, can we not sit on the floor instead?”

“Nah.”

Mr Evershed smiled and he walked over, looking over your shoulder to see what you were doing.

It was a poster of some sort, colourful, bright, eye catching.

“What’s this?” He asked.

“For charity event at the park on weekend. Can I photocopy some and put them up?”

“Yeah of course, come find me when it’s done and I’ll do that for you.”

“Thanks!” You beamed.

He smiled and let you carry on working, though he did remind you again to get off the table but you didn’t.

And the weekend came around faster than you knew it, and there was a lot of people, stalls, food, games, places to sit in the shade.

It was good, and you smiled as you carried the bright paint buckets up to the stage and set them down.

“You’re not like gonna get paint in your eyes or something are you?” Kieran asked.

“No moron, it’s what the mask is for. Plus the pain is just for this one anyways. Help me pour it.”

You took one, and he took the other and you poured the paint all over your drums before setting the empty buckets aside.

“Yours drums are ruined.”

“Eh.”

He laughed and shook his head and you smiled, rolling up the sleeves in your hoodie, you put your blank face mask on and grabbed the drumsticks, hitting them together.

You still hadn’t seen anyone from school at the event, and in a way you were grateful cause it meant you could do this a lot easier.

You were twirling the drum sticks between your fingers as you waited for announcements to finish and people came crowding over.

Then you began, a grin on your face, head banging along to the music as you went along.

Paint splashed up, absolutely covering your and the floor but you kept going.

People were cheering and clapping and recording the scene, while the rest of your friends sang or played guitar, you focused solely on the drums.

“For a bunch of kids they’re pretty good.”

Mr Evershed jumped a little and looked to the side to see Mrs Carter with her son.

“What’re you doing here this early?”

“Heard one of our students would be putting on the quite the performance.”

“Oh?”

Mrs Carter pointed to the drummer, and he titled his head a little bit trying to figure out who it was.

From this far back he couldn’t make out anything that could help him identify who it was.

“They are good.”

“You’re going to be in for the shock of your life when you see who it is.” She smiled.

“You know?”

“Oh yeah of course, who do you think in got them into drums?”

They both laughed a little and turned back to the music, and the song finally came to a close.

You beamed, tossing your drumsticks in the air, you caught them and stuffed them into your back pocket, and you stepped aside, pulling the mask from your face and set that aside.

“Well that was fun.” You beamed.

“Don’t use all your energy, you’re back in again in an hour.” Kieran said.

You grinned, putting your hand in the paint you slapped it on his back but jumping down from the stage and into the ground.

You carefully avoided people, trying not to get them covered in paint, and you walked over to the temporary tattoo studio.

“Having fun Dave?”

“Apparently not as much fun as you, nice paint.”

You laughed and walked in, grabbing a towel and some hand sanitiser to clean your hands off.

Once you had, you walked over and rested your arms on his head, looking at the temporary tattoo he was putting on someone.

“Spider-Man, good choice.”

The little girl looked at you and beamed.

“I wanna be a superhero!” She beamed.

“I bet you’d make an amazing superhero.”

“Really?!” She gasped.

You nodded your head.

“Yeah, you wanna know why?”

She nodded and you smiled a little brighter.

“Cause you got Spider-Man on your arm.”

She giggled a little and ran out and you smiled, patting Dave’s head a few times.

“Get outta here.” He laughed.

Laughing, you jogged out and just began to walk around, checking everything out and seeing what there was.

Sitting on a table with some food, you hummed to yourself, scrolling through your phone.

“You, (Y/N) (L/N) are impossible to find.”

You snapped your head up and gasped, jumping up.

“Mrs Carter!”

You went to hug her but stopped.

“I don’t want to get you covered in paint.”

She laughed softly and gestured to the table and you nodded, letting her sit down and she set the pram next to her.

“How’s he doing?” You asked.

“He’s doing good, thankfully sleeping.” She laughed.

You laughed a little and offered her some of your food and she shook her head.

“No it’s alright, someone’s bringing mine. I’ve heard a lot of things about you recently.”

You gave her a sheepish grin.

“Sorry I know I said I’d behave!”

“No, no you’re doing really well actually. I heard about your outbursts, and that you fixed everything after, and that Mrs Carp has been fired because of what she was doing to you.”

“You told you?”

“I did.”

You looked up to see Mr Evershed smiling, setting some food down and he sat next to Mrs Carter.

“I didn’t know you were such a skilled drummer.” He smiled.

“Mrs Carter got me into them! They’re awesome!”

He laughed a little.

“So I take it you’re the one who sneaks into the music room?”

“Maybe?” You grinned.

He chuckled and you all sat there talking, you told them all about the drums and what you liked so much about them and they happily listened.

When you had to go play another song they would come with you to watch.

But after a few hours Mrs Carter had to leave, and you were having lunch with Mr Evershed and Dave, hardly listening to their conversation.

“Hello earth to (Y/N)?” Dave said.

“Huh? What?”

You looked at him and he smiled.

“You good kid?”

“Oh yeah, I just zoned out.”

He nodded his head and you went back to eating your food.

“Will you play the drums for us at the girls rugby fundraiser?” Mr Evershed asked.

You looked at him.

“Well, we still need music, and you might be able to choose music better than I can.”

You laughed a little and nodded.

“Yeah that’s true. Yeah I can, but I demand payment.”

“Payment?”

“Food works, like good food, not crappy food. Has to be good food.”

“Alright good food and you play drums for the fundraiser.”

You beamed at him and stood up, pulling your drumsticks out you tapped them against the table and he watched.

Mrs Carter had explained to him she got you into drumming to help with your emotions, when you were getting angry you could take yourself away and just let it all out.

It was a 50/50 chance it would work though, but you still loved to play them.

And it was his mission to help you bring out all your talents and work on them, to help you with regulating your emotions and learning to handle your temper but there was still a lot of answers he was missing.

Answers only you could give him, but he didn’t want to pry into your personal life by asking about them but he wondered if maybe if you both could get to the bottom of all this, maybe he could help you

[britishchick09]

What the Future Holds: A Wadlow Sibling Fic

it's senpai's b-day, which calls for a special fic! this took 3 days to write (february 19th to today, the 22nd) and was a lot of fun since it's something a little different! enjoy! ;D (shoutout to @robert-273-fan, who came up with betty and harold jr's stories!)

what will senpai be doing 5 years in the future? the sibs might have an idea...

 “Happy birthday to you!” a chorus of voices sang.

The Wadlow family clapped as Robert blew out his candles.

“Congrats!” Betty said. “You’re officially eighteen now!”

“He’s been eighteen for hours.” Eugene reminded her.

“Since six-thirty in the morning.” Addie added.

Robert smiled. “I didn’t quite feel eighteen earlier, but I sure do now! The cake looks delicious.”

“I heard it’s your favorite- strawberry shortcake,” Harold said. “But we won’t know for sure until we have a piece!” he added with a wink.

Harold Jr. grinned. “Yay, cake!”

Before long, the cake was distributed. The siblings relaxed in the living room afterwards.

“This has been a great birthday,” Robert said with a smile. “I hope there will be more like it for years to come!”

Betty smiled as she said, “Look at this!”

She held up Thursday’s issue of the Alton Evening Telegraph. On the first page was a photo of Robert standing next to a tree. The siblings were on his other side.

“Hey, there’s me!” Harold Jr. exclaimed, pointing to his pouty little self.

Betty ran a hand through her bangs. “Still a good decision! Although I sort of miss being bangless.”

Helen frowned. “Even all these years later, it’s still so weird to see us in the paper.”

“It’s neat being famous,” Eugene said. “...Or, partially famous. We still have Robbie to deal with.”

“I’d rather you be famous than me,” Robert smiled. “I’m not one for the spotlight. Although I’ve gotten used to it.”

Betty noticed something else in the newspaper. “This says, ‘Five years ago today, Mr. John Wood and Miss Carol James wed. They were high school sweethearts before their marriage.’ Aww, how sweet! I can see that happening to someone…”

Robert tried not to feel her arm nudge or notice the cheeky look she was giving him. He knew exactly what she was hinting at!

Harold Jr. had to get ready for bed, leaving the other siblings to read the paper.

“I can’t imagine what I’ll be doing in five years,” Helen remarked. “What do you think you’ll be doing in that time, Robert?”

“Who knows?” Robert asked. “It’s best to take things one day at a time.”

“I know what he’ll be doing!” Betty exclaimed.

...

 It was a bright summer day in 1941. Robert was at his high school reunion.

...

 “Reunions start at ten years, not five.” Eugene pointed out.

“Well, in the future, they thought otherwise,” Betty said. “As I was saying…”

...

 It was a bright summer day in 1941. Robert was at his high school reunion, which was the very first fifth reunion ever. It was a huge success! Everyone was dancing to the latest song, Love Is In The Air. Robert certainly thought this was true. He went up to Marilyn Stanton, who was chatting with some friends.

“Ahem.” he said with a clearing of his throat.

Marilyn turned around. “Oh! Hello, Robert, my love.”

“Hello, Marilyn, the loveliest of all my loves.”

“Get a room!” an aggravated Eugene called (from in the story or real life, no one knew!).

Robert smiled. “I know of something better than a room,” He got on one knee. “Marilyn Stanton, will you do me the honor of becoming Marilyn Wadlow and becoming my wife?”

Marilyn gasped. Tears came to her eyes as she exclaimed-

...

 “No way,” Robert cut into Betty’s story. “She’s just a friend.”

“Sure, tell that to your yearbook!” Betty said with a smile. “I caught a peek at the Camera Club page. You’re standing right next to her!”

“That was just a picture.”

“I remember walking down the hall before the Yearbook Club’s last meeting before winter break. Marilyn said hello and you sounded awfully shy,” Helen told Robert, her eyes coy. “Not insinuating anything, though! Just reminiscing…”

Robert rolled his eyes. “Marilyn and I are friends and club members. That’s all there is to it.”

“Sure, you say that now, but what about in five years?” Betty asked. “Anything could happen! And that anything is…”

...

 “Yes!” Marilyn exclaimed with a smile. “Yes, I will marry you, Robert!”

The crowd cheered!

Robert and Marilyn kissed, which they’d do again at their wedding a few months later. Eugene was a groomsman, Helen was a bridesmaid, Betty was a flower girl (or flower woman since she was the very mature age of seventeen) and Harold Jr. was the ringbearer.

Robert stood at the front of the aisle with the priest. When the music started, he nervously adjusted his bow tie. Then Marilyn walked into the church with her father. She wore a pretty silk dress that flowed out a little at the bottom and the longest veil! It was hard to see past the tulle fabric, but her smile was clear as day. It took forever for her to get to the front of the aisle, though. And when she did, Helen whipped out her viola and played a solo!

“Do you, Robert, take Marilyn to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the minister asked.

Robert smiled broadly. “Yes, I do.”

“And do you, Marilyn, take Robert to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” Marilyn replied.

“You may now kiss the bride!”

Helen played the Here Comes the Bride song as Marilyn raised her veil, revealing her excited flushed face. It grew even more so when Robert raised her up! Now at eye level, they kissed.

Five years later, Robert and Marilyn went to their tenth anniversary reunion… with their kids! There was Charlotte, Tom and little baby June. Everyone thought they were so adorable! (And they thought Betty was the best aunt!)

The Wadlow couple lived in bliss and their family lived happily ever after. The end!

...

 “That was sweet,” Robert said. “Not a particularly realistic one, but it’s nice to think about marrying and starting a family,” He frowned at Betty’s look. “Not with Marilyn.”

“We’d have a minister at a wedding, not a priest. That’s Catholic,” Helen corrected her sister’s story. “I approve of the surprise viola solo, though.”

Eugene scoffed.

“What’s your problem with it, hmm?” Betty asked with a cross of her arms.

“It’s too happy. There needs to be excitement, tension!” Eugene said.

Just then, a pajama-clad Harold Jr. ran into the room.

“I know an exciting story!” he said.

He scrambled to the floor to give his idea of the future.

...

 It was five years from now. Harold Jr. was nearly nine years old, which is very grown up. He was now a Boy Scout just like his big brother!

“Okay, Scouts, we’re going to have a fun day today..” said Scoutmaster Big Brother.

Scoutmaster Big Brother was actually Robert! Harold Jr. thought it was so much fun to have Robert in the Scouts again. And Robert enjoyed being back.

“It’s time for the big swimming contest,” Scoutmaster Robert said. “So put on your swimsuits and meet at the lake.”

It didn’t take long for Harold Jr. to put on his swimsuit. He was the first one at the lake!

“Would you like to go first?” Robert asked.

“Yes, I would!” Harold Jr. said.

He started to put a foot in the water, but Robert stopped him.

“You need to wait for everyone else.” he reminded him.

Harold Jr. tried to wait, but the other Scouts were taking so long! Scoutmaster Robert went off to look for them. While he was gone, Harold Jr. dipped a toe in the water. It was just a toe! But then it became a foot, then an ankle, then a whole leg…

*SPLASH!*

Harold Jr. fell right into the water! He tried to swim up, but his shoe got caught on a rock. He was stuck! Through the water, he heard someone say something. It was a deep voice. He tried to reach up to the voice, but his breath was getting lost. He was getting so tired…

Just then, there was a big splash. Harold Jr. saw a huge hand grab his arm. It was Scoutmaster Robert! Harold Jr. pointed to the rock and his big brother swam down. He was strong enough to get the rock away from Harold Jr’s shoe. Then he grabbed Harold Jr. and took him up. Harold Jr. held on really tight as Robert swam through the water.

Finally, they heard a rushing sound. It was the air. They were free!

“Thank you, Scoutmaster Big Brother!” Harold Jr. said.

“You’re welcome,” Robert set his baby brother on the ground. “You need to remember to wait. See what happens when you don’t?”

“Yes, I do,” Harold Jr. felt all embarrassed because of that. “I’m sorry.”

Robert smiled. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. Are you still up for the race?”

“Yeah!”

Then Harold Jr. jumped in the water with the other Scouts. And this time, he made sure everyone else was ready! He only got fourth place, but that was okay. Harold Jr. knew his big brother’s love was enough.

...

 “Aww,” Betty said. “What a sweet story!”

“Yeah, that was great, Junior.” Robert agreed.

Harold Jr. gave a proud smile.

Eugene then said, “Here’s what I think will happen…”

...

 February 22nd, 1941 was a day no one would forget. Robert was celebrating his twenty-third birthday in a rather… interesting way.

“I hereby declare Wadlow’s Shoes to be officially opened!” he hereby declared (whatever that means).

Then he cut a comically sized ribbon in front of him. As it fell back, Helen played a celebratory song on her viola. Betty and Harold Jr. applauded, smiles on their faces. Mom and Dad- I mean, Addie and Harold held each other close as they wiped away touched tears. The only family member missing was Eugene.

“I wonder where Gene is.” Robert wondered.

“He’s off getting a college degree,” Helen said. “But who needs him? There are plenty of people here already!”

Before anyone could speculate, a bunch of reporters pushed Helen aside. They pelted Robert with questions.

“Why did you decide to open up a shoe store?” one of them asked. “A fall out with Peter’s?”

“Oh, no, Peter’s and I are on good terms,” Robert said. “They helped fund this store. I’m very thankful for their donations!”

He led the reporters into the store. It was stocked with all kinds of shoes, from sneakers to heels and boots to slippers and even regular old dress shoes.

“Wait,” Harold said. “Where might your shoes be, son?”

“They’re right over here, Dad,” Robert told him. “Right in the display window.”

But when he pointed to the window, he was shocked to discover that one of them was missing!

“Where did it go?” Harold Jr. asked.

“I… I have no idea. It was here this morning,” Robert said, stunned. “Why, it was stolen!”

Gasps and whispers floated through the crowd.

“Oh my!” Addie exclaimed. “Who would do such a thing?”

Betty frowned as she said, “He did!”

She glared at the reporter with a point.

“Why would I do something like that?” the reporter asked. “I’m an honest man!”

“Oh, sure. You’d do anything for a story! Anything to stir up some drama.”

“I swear I didn’t take that shoe. I’ve never even stepped inside here until today!”

Helen started walking away, her viola in hand. She headed towards its case, which was tucked in the corner of the store.

“Wait a second,” Robert said. “I know who it was…”

Just then, Eugene walked in. He saw Helen walking past. The display window was right over her shoulder. His eyes widened.

“It was Eugene!”

“Wha- me?” Eugene asked in surprise. “What did I do?”

“You stole Big Brother’s shoe!” Harold Jr. said.

“I’ve been at college all day. There’s no way I could’ve done it.”

Harold stepped up. “Didn’t I ask you to check the store first since it’s on your route?”

“Yeah, but I just took a peek in. I was nowhere near the window.”

“Wait!” Robert exclaimed. “It’s Saturday. You couldn’t have been at college.”

“It was for one of my classes-”

“That’s it!” Helen yelled. “It wasn’t Gene…” She stepped up. “It was me!”

Everyone gasped.

“You stole my shoe?” Robert asked in shock.

“We should’ve known,” Betty said. “She was always pulling that stunt back in the day.”

Helen lowered her head. “Yes, I did. But Gene suggested it!”

Eugene flushed. “I only did it to distract everyone.”

“Why?” Harold Jr. asked.

“Everyone’s talking about Robert. We wanted reporters to give some attention to the rest of the family. Besides, we need a little excitement.”

Robert chuckled. “I think there’s enough excitement with the store opening! Fess up, Helen.”

After setting her viola in its case, Helen moved it aside. She opened a secret panel… and revealed the shoe!

“We’re sorry for causing all of this.” she apologized to Robert, the shoe in her hands.

“Yeah, we didn’t mean any harm,” Eugene added. “Just buzz.”

Robert smiled. “I understand. But before you put that shoe back…”

He turned to the reporters. Helen, Eugene and Robert all smiled as the camera snapped. They didn’t just capture Robert and his shoes… They captured everyone together.

...

 “What a story!” Betty exclaimed.

“Yeah, it had me on the edge of my seat.” Robert said.

“The plot twist was great,” Helen smiled at Eugene. “Nice job.”

Eugene smiled back. “Now that’s how you tell of the future.”

Just then, Harold Jr. let out a big yawn.

“Looks like it’s time to get to bed.” Robert said with a smile.

“No!” Harold Jr. exclaimed. “I wanna hear the last story.”

Everyone looked at Helen expectantly. She looked down at the paper before giving her vision of the future…

...

 February 22nd, 1941 was a day no one would forget.

A sweet sound floated through the air. It came from Helen’s viola.

“Bravo!” Harold Jr. cheered.

“Brava.” Eugene corrected him.

Helen bowed. “Thank you!”

“That was lovely, Helen,” Robert said. “Just like this birthday. It sure is nice to not be in front of crowds and whatnot!”

“Look, you’re in the paper!” Betty exclaimed.

She showed him the article. All it said was, ‘Robert Wadlow Celebrates Birthday. Robert Wadlow turned 23 years old today. His only wish was to not be bothered by reporters and admirers, which will definitely be respected. He’s spending today in the peaceful presence of family.’

“It’s certainly peaceful,” Robert said. “And I’m glad that it’ll be that way for the rest of time!”

...

 “That certainly sounds like an unforgettable day,” Robert remarked after Helen ended the story. “Although I doubt reporters will stop bugging me forever.”

Helen gave a shrug. “Who knows? Anything can happen.”

“That’s true,” Robert smiled at his siblings. “All of your stories were great. No matter what the future holds, I know it’ll be better with the ones I love.”

[what-if-nct]

hiiii today's reminder is i finally listened to nightwalker here's some thoughts:

1. the edm-ish autotune distortions were… interesting. i don't think I've heard them like that in a while but I'm not complaining

2. good song good mv very vibey i liked it my only critique is that as an actual experimental biologist it drives me insane to see the complete lack of lab safety like yes it's just a music video but WHY IS HIS HAIR SO LONG AND IN HIS FACE that's not ALLOWED

3. the dance break outfit reminded me of take off. the eyebrow-less look was… out there

4. they really seem to be going down the taemin route with ten, I'm interested to see how he breaks out of that and creates something of his own

Hii, okay I just listened to it and it's a nice song but I don't know it didn't feel like Ten, I agree it does seem like they're going down the Taemin route. I love when artists experiment with sounds but the moment it doesn't just feel like them but feel like someone else. Like how Superhuman felt like supershineexo. It feels too disconnected to me. But that's just a personal opinion but his vocals and dancing is just unmatched and the talent will always hit.

Oh so Chan is still acting up and I never wanted to fight a grown ass man more. Like he's more stressful than the man I'm actually dating. Who is a sweetheart, I told him I'm afraid to deep fry stuff and he said he'll teach me. Anyway Christopher Bang is a menace, a gaslighter, dramatic, and he's guilting us.

I roll my eyes every time I get a bubble notification tonight. I have to listen to Megan thee stallion to calm my nerves. Someone come get their man cause he isn't mine. Mine is Hyunjin and he would never!!

[gimyung]

20 and 29 from the ask^^3

hi ruth thank u for the ask <333 took me 800 years for some reasons but i hope it's still relevant!

[ ask game ♬ ]

20: a song that has many meanings to you

♡ trivia:love by bts (spotify)

— this song has comforted me a lot of times! a lot of bts' b-sides just meant a lot to me. ngl their recent title tracks don't hit as much for me, but their b-sides really give me will to live. this song just celebrates loving in such a chill way... and every time i feel like loving someone or something feels 'difficult', it reminds me loving is just... human nature? kinda thing. it's such an enabler, giving me the push to put love before anything else. it has a lot of meanings to me not bc it’s complex, but bc i listen to it in situations when love isn’t just hitting the way it should regardless of the reason

(mane i just be talking fr)

29: a song that you remember from your childhood

♡ pressure by paramore (spotify)

— my fuckin jammmmmm !! fun fact: i discovered paramore through sims 2..... i dont know what kinda google search ive done to trace it back to paramore but this song really banged hard in simlish 😭

and the fact that im not alone?! i peeped the youtube comments just now

lmfaooooo it's quite a shared experience and that's funny to me

anyways that's all!

thank you again for dropping by, my love! <3