#the stupidest fucking things i've ever read

[xtrashmammalstefx]

All Shook Up! (An Austin Butler x Reader SMUT!)

WARNING: SMUT, LANGUAGE, minors dni

Notes: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKA! I know I've been gone for a while but in all fairness this summer just sucked balls and I'm just now getting back in the proper headspace to write/post. Idk what I'll write next but I promise there will be more stories coming. Anywhore I'll shut up now. Enjoy!!

PS: This is technically a sequel to Chaos Monster & Her English Gent but I think it can be read on its own. Okay shutting up for real now.

Sometimes my heart can be the stupidest piece of shit ever. It’s been weeks since that day in Callum’s dressing room, and only days since filming wrapped for the season. Callum’s been blowing up my phone constantly and Austin was now home for the time being until he had to go film his next project.

The day my heart fucked me over was one of those miraculous days when both Austin and I had the day off. Austin was spending it reading a new script, while I was just doing my best to relax.

Hello darling.

I chuckled and answered back.

Hey.

Bored already?

No.

I’m just missing my special girl is all.

I rolled my eyes just as the next text came through.

Send me a pic?

Doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.

I just wanna see your pretty face.

“What you laughin’ at Priscilla?” Austin asked distracting me from my phone. He was in the arm chair looking at me; his script laying on his lap.

“Nothin. Just your boy being a fucking idiot,” I semi-lied. Austin still didn’t know about Callum and me...and if I was being honest I wasn’t too sure about Callum and me either. I’ve been accused of being too hasty with other things before and a part of me feared I was being to hasty with this too. Needing immediate distraction I raised my phone (camera on) and aimed it at Austin. “Smile baby.”

Austin looked up from his script and smiled without questioning it. I took the photo and sent it to Callum. “Do I even want to know what you’re doin’ over there babe?”

“Callum asked for a pic, but as you can see I currently look like shit,” I motioned at my messy bun (didn’t exactly feel like brushing out my hair that day), make-upless face, and bespectacled eyes.

“Darlin’ I hate to break it to you but never since I have known you have you looked like shit,” Austin said. Just then another message came through.

Sexy but you know that’s not what

I meant.

“Why does he want a pic anyway?” Austin asked.

I shrugged. “I think he just misses our stupid faces.

“Mm… I think it might be more than that sweetheart,” Austin said tossing his script onto the coffee table. “I saw the way he kept lookin’ at you on set. He looked at you like you were the finest piece of meat this side of the Atlantic. Which ain’t totally off base if I say so myself.” I scoffed at the idea but Austin continued to look serious. “You’re the most beautiful girl I know. It’s a shame that you don’t see it because I see it very clearly.”

I sighed and tossed my phone onto the coffee table before getting up and darting towards Austin. I sat down on his lap and cuddled into him. Austin chuckled deeply and wrapped his arms around me. Austin always gives the best hugs. “We really need to have more days like this.”

“Like what?” Austin asked resting his cheek on my head.

“Like this. Just you and me...like we’re the only ones in the world. Like nothing else matters as long as we’re both here, together, for forever…” It was then I felt Austin’s lips pressed themselves on my forehead.

“You’re already my whole world Y/N,” he muttered.

“And you’re mine,” I whispered pressing my lips against his cheek. It was something I had done many times throughout our friendship but this time… it felt different. This time he trembled at my touch. “You okay?”

He nodded. “Just all shook up I guess.”

“You fuckin’ dork,” I laughed before he was suddenly pulling me in. His lips enveloped mine sending a tingle up my spine. I know I should’ve pulled away...told him about Callum and hoped for the best but… I don’t know. For some reason I just… I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.

But I guess something else wanted it to end.

Ding dong.

Austin pulled back and sighed. “That would be our UberEats.” He carried me back to the sofa and sat me down before going to answer the door. Normally Austin would gladly cook for us but we both agreed that on that day we were feeling exceptionally lazy.

We didn’t really say anything as we had our Thai dinner. Just snuck glances at each other every now and then. At one point I think it became a little too much for him to handle for he swiped the box of Mango Sticky Rice I had started to dig in to. “Give it back.”

“Hell nah, not until you get talkin’.” Austin said continuing to hold the rice hostage.

“I am talking,” I said. “Give. It. Back.”

“Or. What? Sugar.” He smirked pushing my final button. I dropped my chopsticks and pounced on him.

“Fucking give me the rice!” I snapped at him trying to reach for my rice which he now held above his head.

“Not until we talk about what happened earlier,” he said.

“God dammit Austin, it wasn’t rocket science, it should be obvious why we―.”

“Stop…”

“What? I thought you wanted me to…”

“No, I mean stop grindin’ on me,” he said making me realize that as I had been trying to get my rice back, I was simultaneous rubbing myself on his clothed crotch causing him to stiffen.

“Okay, needless to say that is your fault,” I said freezing on top of him.

“How the hell is that my fault?” he asked. “I didn’t ask you to grind on me.”

“No, but you stole my rice,” I pointed out before carefully standing up. “So… what now?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know I want this, but I can’t decide for you,” he said before slowly standing up. “So until you know for sure if what you felt was as real as what I’ve been feelin’ every day since we met, I’m gonna have to handle this with a cold shower.”

He left the kitchen soon after leaving me be for a few minutes. I was suddenly not hungry for rice or anything on the table so after a moment I stood up and started towards my room needing to just collapse for a bit.

As I approached the door though, Austin left his room wearing nothing but a towel around his hips. “Oh, uh, sorry, I forgot my new body wash in the shopping bag.” He continued towards the bathroom and left his body wash on the counter before turning back to face me. “Is-uh-there something you wanna talk about?” He asked noticing my transfixed stare. He’d been spending his off time these last few months and his current off day to do a little extra working out for his new role and damn did it show. His abs were more defined, and his ass more perked and firm. “Y/N? You okay darlin’?”

“Uh-um-yeah,” I said. “I’m fine….I’m…” He approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“You sure?” I was suddenly filled with a different, much stronger, hunger. It had me practically screaming inside while outside it only had me placing my hand on his chest. “Y/N?” I reached up and connected my lips with his. His body froze at my touch for only a moment before he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. He pressed me against the nearby wall and let his lips fall to my neck. As he kissed and suck on my flesh I reached down and yanked at his towel, making it fall to his feet. I wrapped my hand around his length and gasped at the feeling of his size. He wasn’t too long but girthy as holy fuck. I tugged on him gently earning a growl like sound in return. I chuckled.

“You really are all shook up aren’t you Elvis?”

“Oh fuck yeah I am Priscilla,” he said before placing his hands on my legs and picking me up. “Fuck yeah I am.” I wrapped my legs around him and let him carry me to my bed.

He laid us down and reached to pull off my shirt. He peppered kisses all over my body as he rid me of my lazy-day clothes. Once my panties were gone he placed my legs on his shoulders and brought his lips to my core. I moaned louder than I ever had, earning a chuckle from Austin before he continued to suck and lick me until I was nice and slick. “I wasn’t there yet you jerk,” I groaned as he climbed back up.

“Relax darlin’, I’m just getting started,” He smirked before reaching down and giving himself a tug before placing himself at my entrance. Just the feeling of it there made my body tremble. “Like it?” I nodded. “Want it inside you?” I nodded again. “Okay then…” He thrust his lips sliding the tip inside me.

“Holy fucking shit!” I hissed.

“So tight sugar,” he groaned pushing in further. Tears filled my eyes as he continued to stretch me. “I ain’t hurtin’ ya too bad am I?” I shook my head. “Good, I’ll try not to but feel free to hit me if I do.”

“Just fuck me already Aus,” I muttered. He leaned down and kissed me deeply before bottoming out and pulling back again. He kept his pace slow and gentle while I grew use to him. I pecked his lips and held him so our bodies were pressed together. As he continued moving inside me I snaked my hand down his back and squeezed his ass. I was right, it was pretty damn firm.

“God you drive wild,” Austin chuckled.

“How wild?” I asked.

“Want me to answer or would you rather I just―.” He thrust into me harder. “Show you.” He started moving his hips faster making my back arch.

“Oh fuck!” I screamed as he continued to thrust into me like his life depended on it. After a while he kissed me again and brought his lips to my ear.

“You wanna ride me?” I nodded eagerly. He wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over so that I was on top. I moved my hips rough and fast. It was like my whole being was just feral for him. “Holy shit you’re so fucking good at that.” Austin moaned thrusting up into me as I continued to ride him. As he did he brought his fingers to my clit and started rubbing me. That’s when the pressure began to build up inside me. “You gonna cum sugar?” I groaned and nodded. “That’s alright just come right on me. There you go baby.”

My whole body froze as a shiver ran down my spine. I was damn near screaming as I tightened around him, damn near squeezing the life out of his cock. I had just started coming down from my high, still partially blinded by the mind-blowing orgasm, when Austin wrapped his arms around me again and flipped us so I was on the bed once again.

“God you’re so fucking tight around me,” he groaned as he continued to thrust into me, only a little sloppier this time. “Gah fuck I’m gonna cum!” He moaned more and more as he started getting close. “Wuh-Where do you want it?”

“In...Inside...Inside me.” I said still breathless.

“You- You sure about that sugar?” He asked growing more and more spastic.

“Yes, god yes… fuck a baby into me Aus…” No sooner had I said that that I felt him twitch inside me. A rainbow of curses left his mouth as his body shuttered to a stop. He collapsed on top of me and gave me a final kiss on my now swollen lips.

“I fucking love you Y/N,” he said. “I love you more than words can say.”

I ran my fingers through his curls. “I love you too, Aus.”

He smiled and reached down to pull himself out of me. I hissed a bit when he did feeling a bit of a sting. “Sorry sugar.”

“It’s alright,” I assured him. He moved to lay down beside me and when he did I snuggled up to him. I fell asleep listening to the sound of his heart.

[thelioncourts]

+

[shradsmanifestt]

The law is too easy, hence the resistance

This is something I've been pondering for a long time ever since I started receiving so many doubts and questions through my dms and all. A lot of people have the most stupidest doubts and queries that I feel like pulling my hair out literally Cause it just seems so freaking stupid to ask me these when you can literally know everything you need to know by just reading even one of the posts I have written on tumblr.

So you see that the law is literally too fucking simple. All you have to do is persist on the assumption that it is already yours. That's it. That's all you have to do. You don't even have to take action in the 3D in order to get you want. It's literally just handed to you on a platter in unimaginable ways if you just persist.

BUT, we as humans we are too logical. We need to find a plausible reason as to how this works and why this is so, How can something that can give us everything we want, be so simple??.

It seems highly illogical doesn't it. That's what the problem of many of you is. It seems so illogical that it's so easy and its like you're finding ways to make it more complicated if only to fulfill the need to work harder in order to get something. I feel that this is the reason why you guys find it so hard to actually believe it is yours. This is why you pay attention to 3D circumstances so much , even while knowing that it literally has no power over you. You guys are just making it complicated so that it is harder for you to manifest to fulfill some notion that good things take time or success is attained only through hard work or something.

If you are such a person, I hope that while you're reading this post you realise where you're going wrong. I hope that in this moment you decide to get out of this cycle of thinking.

Now the law works in mysterious ways for sure Because we don't know how it's gonna happen or when. And the thing is we don't need to know it. We really don't. All we have to do is persist in our assumption. That's it. Persist no matter what. Persist no matter what you see or hear. It doesn't matter. You already have it and that is the truth. You don't need external validation. Nope. If you can see it in your imagination. If you can affirm for it, it is yours, Imagination is the true reality. If you can conjure up the thoughts of having it. Nothing can stop you. Only you can stop yourself by thinking in opposite. Only you have the power to go against you by giving your power to the circumstances. Only you have yourself to blame for your situation rn.

So stop it buckle up, you've got this.

P.S a lot of you have been asking if I'm active on twitter and for my account. I am on twitter I'll give the link below and yes I am active on twitter cause I love reading them while affirming. I don't tweet much, But I'm gonna start doing it Cause why not!

[alovesongshewrote]

Baby Girl | The Lost Boys x Reader HCs

Plot:  ya call the boys baby girl. just to see what happens. [The Lost Boys x GN!Reader]

Word count:  1420 (nice)

Warnings:  implied horniness???? it's not that bad, it's just paul being a dingus

A/N: again, holy fuck i can't believe i wrote this. even more holy fuck, somehow, this isn't the stupidest thing i've ever written, and the most holy fuck, i think i might do one of these for every fandom i write for. wish me fuckin luck babes.

Marko

Marko finds it hilarious 

You saunter up to him on the boardwalk

Full of confidence and mischief 

You throw an arm around his shoulders 

Lean your weight on him

And you say

“Ok, where are we going, baby girl?”

Yeah, you don’t end up going anywhere, because he starts wheezing 

He just wasn’t expecting it, it caught him off guard

And then you have to stand there for five minutes while he laughs so hard he fails at standing

Boy is on his KNEES losing it at “baby girl”

And you’re just standing over him for a few minutes, ginning like a madman until you kneel down next to him

And holding back your own laughter

You say

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

And he just falls over

And at that point you also fall over 

And both of you are just cackling at this dumb shit

It’s attracting attention, but neither of you care

Eventually the rest of the boys come back to find you and marko just

On the ground

Dying

And david straight up turns around and walks the other way

It’s great, it’s fantastic

You and marko call each other “baby girl” for at least a week

And you both die laughing every single time

Everyone else hates you but it’s so fucking worth it

Paul

He also finds it hilarious, but like

Slightly to the left

The two of you are also on the boardwalk 

Vibing

Waiting for everyone else to show up

And you’re sitting on one of the rails while he stands like, kind of in front of you?

And he gets distracted by something

As he does with startling frequency 

And you watch him for a few minutes

Admiring him

But eventually, you get bored with that, so you kinda 

Kick him

A little bit

Not hard 

It’s not enough to hurt him

(if you can even do that)

But it’s enough to get his attention 

He looks at you

And his eyes get really big and sad, like he’s silently asking, “Why did you kick me?”

Or alternatively, “YOU KICK PAUL?  YOU KICK HIS BODY LIKE THE FOOTBALL?  JAIL FOR Y/N, JAIL FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS”

Either way, you power through it

And you go

“Whatcha lookin at, baby girl?”

And this boy just

Lights Up

The sad puppy eyes are Dropped 

And They Are Replaced With The Horny Eyes.

He just

Leans into you

As he looks at you, scanning you up and down

His gaze is piercing and uhhh

It looks like he wants to Eat You.

And goes

“baby girl, huh?”

And you’re like

“Yeah, baby girl.  And you didn’t answer my question.”

Which like

You say it

And you are Aware that you are Playing With Fire

But fuck, the fire is fun to play with

And you won’t complain about getting burned 

So

When he takes another step towards you and like

Smacks a hand down on your leg

You just lean in further and go

“Are you gonna answer me, baby girl?”

Yeah, you get bit

On the neck

You fucked around and found out

You leaned in too far and you got bit

These boys, i swear, they’re animals 

Just fuckin biting

It’s a gentle bite tho

Soft

Teasing 

And when he pulls back he goes

“Doesn’t matter, baby.  All I can see now is you.”

And it’s so fuckin cute that you almost fall off the rail you’re sitting on

Anyway, yeah, you and paul also call each other “baby girl” for a week, but the context is Different 

Dwayne

Dwayne has a relatively simple reaction

The two of you are vibin in the cave

It’s dark outside 

So everyone else is out

And the two of you are alone

And he’s minding his own business

Lounging around a bit 

Reading a book 

And you

You are Bored

And you’re in the mood to cause problems on purpose, so

You slide in

Lean over him

And you watch him for a second

Tilting your head every now and then like a confused puppy

He ignores you

And after a few minutes of standing there, a plot comes to your wicked little mind

You lean in even closer

And you go

“Hey baby girl, whatcha reading?”

And he just

Looks at you 

For a second

Maybe he blinks once or twice

And you don’t budge, you’re just sitting there grinning at him

In silence

And then suddenly 

In the blink of an eye

He pulls you down onto him and into his arms

You quickly find yourself resting on top of him 

Using his chest as a pillow 

And this man

Does Not Wear A Shirt

So that’s fun for you

Anyway, he takes the book and just

Holds it above the two of you 

So that you can both read it

And he says

“Look for yourself, baby girl”

Which if you ask me, is the fuckin Height Of Romance, but you didn’t ask me, and that’s okay

Anyway, yeah, it’s cute

Fuckin

Adorable shit

David

Anyway, time for david

David is

Confused

By his baby girlification 

Like

He’s not mad, he doesn’t expect it

(Kinda like marko, but he doesn't laugh, he just sorta sits there)

It takes him a second to process, because the second the word “baby girl” leaves your mouth and floats his way, he blue screens

Like

David.exe is not working

The first time you do it, you’re in the cave with everyone else

And he’s sitting in his wheelchair, staring off into the distance like the brooding vampire man that he is

And you lean over him and go

“Whatcha thinkin about, baby girl?”

And he just goes

“What?”

And like

I don’t think you can actually say that he says what

It’s more like he breathes it out while his eyebrows furrow together and he shoots you the most confused look you have ever seen on his face

In part, he’s unsure that you’re talking to him

And in another part, you usually use more

Idk

Standard?  Pet Names? 

Darling, maybe sweetheart 

And he wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to weird pet names, it’s just that one time on the boardwalk you heard him call a potential meal “kitten” and you didn’t stop meowing at him for three months

So yeah, he didn’t see that one coming

It doesn’t help that the rest of the boys are there at the time, and you, marko, and paul just start chanting the word “baby girl” over and over again

Side note, i think the boys may have a thing for chants

Anyway

The next time you call him baby girl, he you catch him off guard with your sheer boldness 

It’s not the “baby girl” itself, it’s the words that accompany it

See, he’s drinking something 

Water, blood, whatever

He’s drinking it

And you look over at him and you just go

“Damn, you’re pretty thirsty tonight, huh baby girl?  We’ll just have to do something about that.”

And your tone is like, half joking, but that doesn’t matter, he still chokes on his drink

He coughs for like

A Good Few Minutes

And in those minutes you go from laughing at him, to panicking and patting him on the back

Congrats to you btw, you almost killed known horror icon david lost boys

Good for you

Anyway, he survives, which is good

Bc idk how forgiving the other boys would be of you committing manslaughter (vampire slaughter?) against david

(tbh, they’d probably be pretty forgiving given the sheer hilarity of the situation)

BUT HE LIVES, AND I DIGRESS 

The next time you call him baby girl is in front of max

And like

This is peak 0 brain cell behaviour for you, because you straight up aren’t even thinking about it

You see david in the video store

You walk into the video store

You don’t realize he is in the Middle Of Talking To His Dad

“Dad”

And you go

“Hey baby girl”

And then you wander off to the horror section 

Just

No thots given 

You don’t even notice david and max staring after you

You’re too busy looking at a copy of texas chainsaw massacre 2

And when they turn back to face each other it is literally that one meme

“David, why does (Y/N) call you baby girl?”

“Maybe we should stop talking for a while”

Overall 

David doesn’t mind it, it just fucking surprises him every gd time

You’d think he’d get used to it but nope

It always gets him

[themysticaldrumstick]

“If i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous.” for either E (seeing MC mess around with another person) or M (during the E & MC dating era)

Also love the IF concept can’t wait to read it

You grin almost stupidly, standing by the lockers as you feel a warm palm cup your cheek. E's smile is genuine, sweet and they lean in for a brief kiss before class.

Oh, it's almost saccharine. Your heart jolts.

A little breath escapes your lips as you two part. "See you after class?"

"Of course." They whisper, brushing a stray strand of your hair back affectionately. "I'll be at the biology lab. Have to talk to the lab assistant about something."

You hum, too happy to care. "No problemo. See you then." They chuckle in a low voice, nuzzling their nose against yours in an Eskimo kiss. A bright laugh leaves you and they leave, finally.

You lean your head back against the lockers, butterflies in your stomach. You feel so blissful, so.. in-love, as stupid and early as that sounds. But, an exaggerated cough behind you breaks you out of your trance.

You turn.

It's M, their luscious locks framing their sharp features, the sheen of sweat on their copper skin sparkling under the bright lights of the school hallways as they make a mock gesture of vomitting. They seem to be holding a basketball under their arm.

You roll your edges, shoving them in jest.

"What?" They scoff. "Don't blame me. That was the most cringiest shit, I've ever seen."

"Yeah, yeah. God forbid, I like someone." You mutter, opening your locker to take your books out. You're used to M's antics, by now. First, they were the ones pushing you to date E.. now, they are the ones pushing you away from E. You wonder why. Then again, M does a lot of weird things that you never get an explanation to.

They grin sharply, the expensive metal of their piercings glinting. "They are not worth liking. They're not worth anything. 'Oh, I'll bE iN tHe biOloGy lAb'-- shut the fuck up, what an attention seeker. Moron."

You raise an eyebrow. "Aren't you being a bit too harsh? I mean, you introduced them to me. You pushed me to date them."

"And?" They mutter, avoiding your eyes, as they spin the basketball on their fingers, instinctively. "Doesn't mean you HAD to."

You're almost amused.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous." You tease light-heartedly, a gut feeling, long buried, regurgitating to your mind.

They laugh. Loudly and freely, much to your surprise. Their eyes twinkling like stars under the hallway. "Oh, sweetheart. Jealously is a disease that I'm never a victim of." You want to scoff at that, it's the stupidest thing, you've ever heard, because you explicitly remember having seen M jealous of their ex, when the girl had started going out again. That too, with the main guitarist of the school band.

"Why do I even bother talking to you?" You sigh, shaking your head as you grab your things.

"Because, deep down? You know you love me." They shoot back, almost instantly.

What a menace. You see them ogling at another girl walking past, her long legs on display-- skirt a little too high. They lick their lips. You roll your eyes again, practically able to imagine their dad complaining. "Where there's smoke, there's fire, you know?"

They whistle under their breath and their eyes flick back onto yours, locking into it, a little too intently. Like the color of honey, irises swirling like sweet nectar.

"And I'm a moth to a flame."

[crabonfire]

mercs with reader who has poetic rizz 🫶

characters: all mercs

warnings: corny poetry / letters

note: I'm writing this because I write very badly written poetry myself and I just wanted to share 👍👍👍 this is very random haha

reader is shy abt their writing and gets embarrassed showing or talking abt it (that's how I react when I show people my corny poetry agahwhsg) all the poems have dumb names

♡Scout♡

• he doesn't understand what the fuck any of it means but it sure sounds smart and sophisticated.

• he would be messing around in your notebook and finding very well written lines of romantic and depressing poetry, finds it actually very attractive?? he has a thing for "smart people" stuff.

• he found a love poem you made, went along the lines of:

The day we ultimately leave this plane of existence, If in a time of judgement, I'd get to have live again. I'd search every corner of this vast, timeless universe just to see you again.

• and when he saw the note at the end that said "for my love" He felt like combusting on the spot.

• when he brings it up he's like "You wrote this for me?" And if you get all shy and stuff he's honestly gonna kiss you so hard. If your nervous about your writing he's the best hypeman 🫶🫶

• brags about it to the others but never shows them any poems you have, wants to keep them to himself <33 definitely has written copies of your poems in his room.

♡Pyro♡

• hubba hubba

• bro is honestly so honored my god

• he'd be snooping around in your room because he was looking for you and find pieces of paper on your desk, filled with romantic letters. Some have been scribbled over, probably some you didn't like. One reads,

Even in the sheer and agonising cold, I can still feel the fire in my fingertips when I'm with you.

You're my source of warmth in the winter, my light at the end of the tunnel, my everything.

I'd go through a hundred battles if I knew you'd be the one I protect.

• and when he reads, "for my firefly."

• you got em blushing under the mask fr,, bro is kicking his feet in the air, punching the wall, shaking the paper like a crazed fangirl...dawggg

• when he finds you, he will literally shake you around like a pinata, shoving the paper in your face and practically asking "is this about me"

• when you smile and nod in response, you get a squeal out of him, hugging you tightly and giggling uncontrollably as he...purrs??? on you?? rizz so poetic you turned bro into a cat...wtf

• will show engie and beg you if he can see more poetry. Will attempt to do it for you because he wants to impress you 🫶

♡Soldier♡

• you were writing on your notebook for a while in the common room while everybody was up to their own thing, and he was quite curious on what you were doing.

He asked but you were too embarrassed to say what it was, he caught on and took a peek from the side, making you look away and frown, a blush forming at your face.

You're like no man I've ever met, a stern and determined figure that manages to surpass expectation.

What I'd do to kiss you, I'd cross the lands far wide just for a chance to gaze upon your beautiful face.

You have such a fire in your eyes when you set your mind to something. Those baby blues have me in a chokehold, I wonder what fire will arise when you look at me.

I'd do anything, anything at all if it meant I'd be the one to start that flame.

• "...WHO IS THIS FOR?"

You pause for a bit and sigh, "You."

He takes a second, reading everything back again he feels his face start to heat up tremendously. His knees feel weak, head is dizzy, and he has the stupidest smile on his face.

• he grabs you by the shoulders, making you stand up as he aggressively kisses you, pulling back he says "EXCELLENT WORK. I AM HONORED TO BE WRITTEN ABOUT SO BEAUTIFULLY. THANK YOU CADET!"

• he walks away with the biggest fucking grin ever he might start fucking skipping.

You're just left there with a red face, stunned and confused on what to do.

♡Demo♡

• he likes to talk to you a lot, so this would probably pop up in a convo. you talk about arts, and you mention the fact you do poetry in your spare time.

He jokingly asks if you made any about him, fully expecting you to snort and shake your head. But when you go silent, looking away for a second he immediately feels like he's going to burst. You've written poetry about him?

He begs you for a good 15 minutes until you agree to show him, bringing it up even after you've changed the topic of conversation.

• He watches you pull out your notebook with excitement, he's already grinning even before you show him. You huff, handing him the book with a page that says "corny poem for demo I'm never showing him" and he laughs at that.

The poem goes,

My dear, words can not express the sheer adoration I have for you.

I was never fond of drinks myself, but if alcohol ever tasted like you, I'd have become a crazed drunkard whose only relief was alcohol.

Your lips are so soft. When they kiss my skin, it feels as though I have just been blessed by the heavens above.

• bro has his jaw dropped to the floor, face tinted a dark red as he literally has to blink to see if this was about HIM?

• he's laughing, shaking his head and covering his face in embarrassment.

"I cannae believe this. This...this is for me?"

You simply nod.

"Dear lord, yer an angel ya know that?" He leans in and kisses you, then kisses you some more all over your face, making you giggle, pulling you into his lap and having a full on make out session.

He'll kiss your neck and leave marks, whispering sweet compliments, repetitions of "thank you's," and "I love you's" over and over. If he fell head over heels for you, then now he's fell for real and dropping into a pit of neverending love for you <3

♡Heavy♡

• I'd say he found them on accident, he insisted on helping you clean your room when you got too tired to do it, and as he was reorganising your desk he found your notebook laid open, and curiously, he read the specific page.

The title was "hahsjfjfjdkskzncn"

The way your arms wrap around my waist makes it feel like it's just the two of us against this cruel world.

But even with my upsetting mindset, you manage to find a way to strip me of those thoughts, and every day, the colour in this world gets a little brighter.

I love your laugh, and when you do it, the angels sing to the gods. My heart always longs to be within your presence because it feels like I'm floating whenever I'm with you.

• he blushes, and blushes even more when he sees the note at the end written "for misha (I'll probably never show him this it's corny asl)" and he doesn't smile, he doesn't even show any form of expression, but his face is so red he could pass as a tomato.

He doesn't bring it up right away, but when he finishes cleaning your room, he talks to you about it with a flustered expression, voice low and quiet with cheeks dusted a rosy pink.

"I like the poem. It is quite lovely, thank you."

You just sorta sit there kind of embarrassed of your poem and nodding aggressively.

• he thinks of that poem a lot, and if he finds out you've made more for him he's actually gonna burst.

♡Engie♡

• finds out similarly with how Heavy and Pyro did!! He fell asleep in your room while you two were cuddling, and it happened to be a ceasefire day so yall had nothing to do. He's a real heavy sleeper so while you were showering he was still snoring loudly.

but then a couple minutes later after you did, he woke up.

• he rubbed his eyes and decided to get cups of coffee for the both of you. he placed the cups on your desk and noticed your notebook was open. Not so subtly, he started to read what was written.

"I love texans" was the title, he smirked at that.

The moon and the stars don't even compare to you, and the heat of the sun can't even be on the same level as how warm you make me feel.

I can't take it when you're away. It's like a part of my heart starts to shatter at your absence. The days feel like weeks, the longer you're away. I miss you even when you're just in the other room, I miss your voice even when we just started to talk.

Your words are so sweet to me, and it seems I've developed a sweet tooth just for you.

• 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁😞😞😞😭😭😭😭

• bro felt like sobbing to be honest, smiling like a goof and screaming internally.

he will join you in the shower,trailing his fingers over your body and leaving feathery kisses over your back. you'd giggle, asking him what gotten him in such a mood. all he'll do is hum, washing your body as he continues kiss you in all sorts of places.

• like Scout, he finds it a weirdly attractive trait, like the romantic essence of it yk??

• the entire day he'll just be so much softer than usual, melting like a puddle around you when he randomly recalls the poem. Will definitely bring it up later, complimenting you and asking you about it.

( OK I ran out of ideas for romantic poems so I'm not writing them anymore SORRYYYYYYYY)

♡Medic♡

• You were high in anaesthesia after an operation, where he was fixing you up after a big battle. You two talked the night away, and you mentioned your hobbies when he was asking you, you blurt out your writing hobby and he seems very interested!

So in your fuzzy state, you pull your notebook outta yer ass and let him flip through the pages himself.

• he's quite surprised, very impressed at your writing abilities. Some of the poetry is sad, and he can truly resonate with some. Then, he sees one that catches his eyes, it's labelled "doctors!! ahhh!!"

he has a amused grin on his face, "is zhis one about me?" You chuckle, nodding aggressively like a drunk child.

• when he reads it, thay amused expression turns to one of embarrassment. It feels as though you've lifted him off of his feet, he knows it's rather corny, but it's so damn romantic he can't take it.

"woah!! your face is all red man, sorry for making you so flustered I just got that poetic rizz AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA-"

he shakes his head literally having no idea what that means and a weary smile forms on his face, not expecting the poem to be so specific.

But he reads it again, and again. Each repetition he melts even more at your endearing words about him. He can't help but feel overjoyed, his eyes soften when he meets your gaze.

He leans into the patient chair to give you a kiss on the forehead, gazing into your eyes and whispering, "Ich liebe dich, mein schatz. Danke, this is beautiful." He kisses you once more, on your nose this time making you giggle.

(I love doctors!! ahhh!!)

♡Sniper♡

• I don't think he'd be the type to uh, snoop around for your stuff, or even do anything remotely close without asking for it, so in terms of poetry he'd find you doing it like soldier did.

• you two were sitting under a tree near his van, a nice date in the woods for you both to get out of the chaos and just be alone.

• he rested his head on your shoulder, as you wrote intensely on your notebook. It was quiet, but it was a peaceful one.

"Hey, what'cha writin' there?"

You hum in reply, "Nothing."

"Really? Cause you've been writing for a bit now."

You just smile, continuing to write.

• After a bit you finish writing, and he takes a peek, "my star"

he smiled, it was about him. Well, he assumed.

Slowly, he read the lines of poetry that were just finished. You were reading it back, too. As he did, he couldn't help the heat that rose to his cheeks, and a downturned smile appeared on his face as he looked away, covering his face with his hat.

You noticed, looking at him and blushing as well.

"Oh. Did you.. read it?"

He paused, putting the hat back on his hat but still looking away. "Yea."

It was silent again, until he asked;

"...Is it about me?"

You smiled, "Well of course. Who else would it be about?"

His cheeks reddened even more, and then he went back to lean on your shoulder with a shy smile. One that you mirrored, tucking loose hair away from the sides of your face.

"It's cute."

"Thank you, its about you so of course it is."

He screamed internally at that. He just chuckled.

• Here you are, fully grown adult mercenaries, acting like little kids who are going on their first date. Those corny sentences you wrote will be stuck in his mind for weeks, months maybe...he's so in love with you man.

♡Spy♡

• he found out the same as soldier did, in the common room after everybody ate, you were sitting at a desk with a cup of coffee, writing something on your notebook. Truth be told, you had finished it, you were just contemplating if you wanted to show it to spy or not, you knew he'd love it, but a part of you knew it was also super corny.

"What are you writing, my dear?"

You screamed, shocked at his presence, slapping your hands on your notebook in an attempt to hide it.

"HUH?? WRITINF?? OH YEAHHHH just some uh, stuff. Yeah." You laugh nervously, a comically large bead of sweat streams from your face.

• he simply smirks, taking the book out of your hands and seeing what you're so embarrassed about. All you could do was sit, flushed face and eyebrows furrowed.

" 'poem, maybe I'll show him, i don't know.' This is for me, hm?"

You nod, covering your face with your hands and curling into a ball.

• he reads it, his expression is unclear, but he's intensely memorising the words you've written about him. It's so...romantic. He feels his cheeks heat up, and all he does is smile, eyes lidded full of admiration for what you've written.

"This is beautiful. I didn't know you were such a poet, why didn't you tell me?"

"..its embarrassing. It's not even that good, too. I just... do it when I'm bored."

He shakes his head, "Ma petite chou-fleur, you are a true artist. I am honoured to be written in such a way by such a lovely person such as yourself. You should not underestimate yourself, this is...wonderful."

He smiled at your adorable reaction. He kneels and takes your hand, giving it a kiss. "To know such kind hands think of me in such a way makes my head spin...for once, you've truly captivated me."

"And if it's alright, I would love to read more of your work. Poetry is truly difficult, yet you've managed to write so emotionally."

You can't believe what he says, but you can tell he's being genuine by his soft smile, one you rarely see. With your face still as red as a tomato, you nod, mirroring the smile he has.

• You two spend your time together in the common rooms talking about poetry, he's constantly complimenting you, and any person who walks by to see what your up to, he immediately starts to talk about your poetry, even going as far as to show it to them, telling them how good it is.

he's definitely asking for some pieces of your poetry, keeping it in a folder to read whenever he misses you.

done!!!

hide yo girls, the rizzler is here 💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️

[utilitycaster]

Hi! Hope you don’t mind me asking but, I’ve seen you comment about a “fjord moon” theory every so often in your tags, and I’m quite curious what’s it about? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about it, is it something more prevalent in twitter spaces?

It started in Reddit spaces but it had a moment within the fandom at large during Campaign 2, especially after a YouTube video surfaced shortly after the campaign had come back from hiatus in August 2020. It hasn't come up lately since Campaign 3's plot pretty thoroughly debunked it, which wasn't necessary for reasons I will cover below.

I talked about how stupid it was at the time, and will do so again but I don't feel like looking back through my archives to find that post, so: the idea was that Fjord was from Ruidus. I call it a theory because its creators called it a theory but it was really just a lot of incoherent yelling that unfortunately happened to fall into the hands of a prolific and popular but talentless video maker and was boosted by a prolific and popular but deeply stupid figure on CR Twitter.

You can read it here but in short he basis was that Fjord was actually a Spelljammer Space Orc (Scro; yes this is just Orcs backwards; Spelljammer is not exactly the most brilliant of concepts) because he was intelligent and walked upright, ignoring that Spelljammer was, at the time, from D&D 2e only which can generously be described as "wicked racist in the depiction of orcs". Not that 5e is not without its foibles, but it had largely 86-ed the worst of the racism that pervaded earlier orc depictions. Also Garthok pre-dated Fjord and was a half-orc with the same intelligence, but what are facts to an idiot. So anyway this guy working off a deeply racist older concept for orcs spun this into a wild conspiracy theory involving the fact that Travis likes Dragonball Z; something about the film Spaceballs (as far as I know Travis has said absolutely nothing about this, this is just that the Mel Brooks Star Wars parody and my personal childhood favorite Spaceballs exists I think?) and various other random pulls from science fiction media. This guy asked a question at a panel and mistook the cast looking at him like he had lost the plot as a sign he was onto something. Somehow, people listened to him.

Here's the thing about theorycraft. It is more important, in writing a theory, that you base it on evidence than that you get it correct. Any dipshit can guess and any lucky dipshit can guess correctly, but if you show that you can't structure an argument for beans, anyone who can structure an argument for beans will rightfully look at you and say "well, they predicted something once, but that's a fucking fluke because they're a fucking joke." Theories should explain something that needs explanation (Fjord having an INT of 14 and the name Fjord and being an orphan does not). They should not solely rest on things the cast likes or things that merely exist in-world and certainly not from Spaceballs and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the connection of which to Critical Role in that Reddit post is not explained, ever.

To give some examples of good, mediocre, and bad but at least not nearly that bad theorycraft: the theory that Ashton was a meteor that was around early in C3 is in my mind not very good, but at least it fits within Exandria canon and explained something about Ashton needing explanation at the time. The theory that The Emissary is the source of the stasis bubbles is in my mind a very good one explaining several key mysteries (source of stasis bubbles; why Erathis sent him rather than coming himself). The theory that Bor'Dor was a dog was fucking stupid and made no sense nor did it explain anything that needed explanation (and also wildly misjudged how border collies behave) but did at least not say "also, the TV show Lassie...exists in our reality, and this is evidence" The Fjord Moon Theory is maybe the stupidest and worst CR theory I've seen in my entire life, and it's up there for fandom theories over all. I get that it was August 2020 and I don't begrudge people who were very bored and scared from joking about it while not taking it seriously, but I do begrudge those who did take it seriously because like, come on.

Anyway, I bring it up in tags sometimes because many of the worst C3 takes on Twitter that make it to me via "can you fucking believe this" screenshots in the groupchat are either started or propagated by Former Moon Theory People.

[questionableratatouille00]

ʜɪɢʜᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: In an effort to get the two of you to bond, Tony Stark sends you and the ex-assassin Bucky Barnes on a road trip together. The problem? You hate each other. The situation? Two weeks in a car together. The reward: three days of a resort vacation. And the problem? He's kinda cute.

Warnings (Entire Series): Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, angst, fluff, crying, fighting, violence, chaos, mentions/talk of trauma, discussions of mental health, and potentially more.

Warnings: Enemies-to-lovers, sexual tension, cursing, arguments.

|| Part 2 ||

[Series Masterlist]

---------------------------------------------

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝑨𝒊𝒏’𝒕 𝑩𝒊𝒈 𝑬𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝑼𝒔

“It’s just two weeks, Buck. You’ll be fine.” Steve attempts to reassure his best friend, though it doesn’t seem to be working. “She’s really not as bad as you make her out to be.”

Bucky says nothing, rolling his eyes instead. "This whole idea is a waste of time. I'm not going." He grumbled. Stark had the grand idea to send the most incompatible people in the entire Avenger's Compound on a fucking road trip.

"You have to go. Tony said it's non-negotiable. I'm sure she doesn't like the idea either, but there's nothing we can do about it. Just...try and make the best of it."

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to actually go." Bucky grumbled, stuffing more things into a suitcase. Steve was supposed to be helping, but he was really just there to try and convince Bucky that this was for the greater good, or whatever. Something like that.

This was going to be an insufferably long two weeks.

--------------

"Two weeks and three days. Three days of actual vacation! This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Nat, you gotta get me out of this." You pleaded with the Avenger.

"Already tried. Tony won't budge." She gave an apologetic shrug. "Maybe you'll find out you share a lot of common interests."

"Right, because me and the ninety-nine year-old man are basically twinsies. Thanks, Nat."

"Maybe you'll just decide to fuck halfway-through." Yelena interrupts. "Like, full-on go at each other. The tension is very strong. Very strong." Her accent is thick as she digs through your closet.

"She's right, I've read too many romance novels to know how this turns out." Kate agrees, judging your shoe collection.

"What? Ew--God, no. That's...so fucking disgusting to think about." You shudder. "He's a total asshole."

"He's not so bad." Yelena shrugged. "Helped take down the Red Room. Good enough for me."

"He can't be that bad, right? I haven't really talked with the guy, but he seems chill." Kate ponders.

"What they mean to say is that it will be fine." Nat attempts to assure you.

"I hate him and I hate everything about it." You rage quietly as Yelena stuffs shampoo and conditioner into your suitcase. You were packing one suitcase and one backpack. Yelena, Kate, and Natasha were supposed to be helping, but they were really just goofing off and occasionally helping you grab something.

"The trip isn't even worth it, anyway. One week of driving to get there, three days of the actual resort, and then a week back. It doesn't make any sense." You tried to reason.

"The whole point of the trip is to get you two to bond. Or at least to not bicker and argue over the comms during missions." Nat rationalized. "It'll not only be good for you two, but for the team as a whole."

You thought for a moment, considering it. You could agree that the idea made sense, but still. He was a dick to you most of the time, so what was the point?

"Fine." You said. "But if he starts shit, I'm not going to let him walk all over me."

Sighing, Natasha nodded.

"If he pisses you off, just kill him--very easy. You know how to do it." Yelena stated ever so casually.

"Yelena!" Kate and Natasha exclaimed at the same time.

--------------

You scowled as you loaded your suitcase and backpack into the backseat of the truck. You even made sure all of your stuff was directly behind the driver's seat. Your seat. You were going to drive.

Bucky Barnes, seemingly getting the message, put his singular suitcase behind the passenger side.

Tony and Steve stood outside the huge garage, watching as the two of you loaded up the truck. Tony had bought the truck a while ago, but he never really ended up driving it often. He thought it would be perfect for this trip.

"Don't die, if you sleep in the car make sure to lock the doors, get a motel when you can, stay safe and have fun, blah blah blah, don't crash my truck." Tony told the two of you. Steve gave him the Eyebrows of Disappointment before turning back to you. "Please don't kill each other. Stay in a motel or something when you can." Steve quickly hugged Bucky goodbye, stepping inside, and you turned to walk to the driver's side.

"What're you doing?" Bucky asked from behind you.

"Getting in the car?" The way he said it annoyed you.

"I'm driving." He declared.

"No you're not. I am. You watched me put my stuff behind the seat--my seat!"

"I am driving the damn car. Move."

"No you are fucking not. Get your ancient ass to the passenger seat." I growl. "Your driving is shit. Move out of the way before I make you." He says, sharp blue eyes glaring straight into yours.

"What're you gonna do? Throw me?"

Without saying a word, he put both of his hands on your biceps, squeezing lightly, before slightly picking you up and moving you to the side. He did it so easily, too. Most likely due to the serum, along with the vibranium arm. You felt the rage seeping into your body, and just before you could throw a punch, Tony called out from the door inside the garage. "Take turns, losers! Jesus Christ."

You both look at him as he says this, before looking back at each other. Shoving him out of the way, you open the truck door. He sticks up both of his middle fingers as he walks around the back of the truck. As you buckle your seatbelt, you consider just backing up the truck as he walked behind it. He wouldn't die. He probably wouldn't even fall over. It could be a total accident. A little oopsie, if you will.

Just before you could ponder the potential attempted murder, Bucky opened the passenger door, hopping into the truck. You plug your phone into the truck, putting on your favorite playlist. The one Bucky hated. It was a very personal 'fuck you' to the Super Soldier sitting next to you. He looked like he wanted to make some kind of comment, but he didn't.

Pulling out of the huge driveway, you knew one thing for sure.

This was going to be a long two weeks.

[berryfeilds]

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.

Summary- Steve now has the floor to fix your desperate attempt.

or

part two because steve is an idiot.

Warnings- reader is described with female attributes, food is mentioned (not in a triggering way), cuss words, a little angst?, VERY BAD WRITING PLEASE,

W/C- 5.4k

A/N: the long-awaited part 2 LMFAOO😭 literally quit and got lazy for the ending, and i couldn't find pics that match this fics aesthetic so. ALSO this is such a mess like be careful reading, you're gonna get confused. and i guess this could also be read as a stand-alone i think but yeah enjoy this is a literary piece of shit.

✦ Regard the links below about S5 of ST.

Usually when the world turns to hell, you –and Hop– are the voices of reason. Leading the group to safety, planning every move and hit. Following behind you was never a question of hesitation. Trusting your judgment was never an unpopular opinion –hell even Hopper took your word when he didn’t trust himself enough to lead; and that was saying a lot. Hopper is one hell of a stubborn brick. But that goes to say you were too. And if the odds don’t yield in your favor? If the tides don’t crash onto your shore?

 The sky would fall, Steve thinks. 

You always knew what you were doing. It’s fascinating. Even if you were in the wrong, things always go your way. Following behind you never came with a side of uncertainty. He never had to think twice when seeing your determined face.

But this time, it was the visible exhaustion evident on your face that faltered him. Steve being scared to follow you had him reeling in the fact that maybe, this argument wasn’t just a fluke. 

It’s been a few weeks since that night at the pool. You’ve been radio silent and unresponsive to all the calls and ‘CODE REDs’ that Steve's been sending you. As if you've gone off grid with Murray. The second you walked out Steve sprang to his feet and ran after you to fix things, hopefully to try and hash things out and understand what it was that was so wrong. But he stopped; Refrained. His hand lingered on the door knob contemplating whether following you was a good idea or not. 

It was always a good idea. Why is it so different now? Why is everything so different nowadays?

Perhaps it's because, deep down, he was scared of the idea that you would be angry with him for loving him. It terrified him greatly. Not because the idea of being with you was dreadful –but because he was aware that his query was really wishful thinking. The picture of you ever returning his longing was too expensive, one he could never afford or win. Steve assured himself deep in his bones that your love is the one thing he could never be deserving of. But what is he to do now? 

It’s been so frustrating, especially because he’d usually go to you in these sorts of cases. You always knew everything about everyone. He’d always tease you about being a little snitch, saying you were the one to spread rumors in school. You always argued back saying you weren’t a gossip; ‘Never the rat, always the dog’ you’d say. Loyal and reliable. That’s who you were.

But obviously you’re not very reliable right now. So Steve got ready and made his way to the second most reliable person he knows.

Dustin.

“You’re fucked.”

“Alright, Sherlock, thanks for the wisdom.”  Steve exhales sarcastically before leaning back into his chair.

“No seriously Steve, I've seen her blank people for the stupidest things. She’s not gonna talk to you for at least a month by the sound of it.” Dustine purses his lips and shrugs. 

Steve groans and closes his eyes. He knew that. He knew you were the most stubborn person he’s had the luxury of befriending. Always ignoring the people who would probably waste your time, laughing at all the guys who have tried –and failed– at asking you out. I mean for fucks sake he’s been one of the people to annoy you during school with Tommy and Carol. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a fond memory.

“I know man, I just…” He opens his eyes and looks down at the table.

Dustin furrows his brows when he sees how distraught Steve looks right now. He knew the both of you were close. If he and Steve weren’t together he’d probably find him with you. You always came by the store, picked him and Steve up and dropped them off, helped Steve with all his girl problems when Robin and him were fed up. It seemed like you could never get enough of each other. You guys couldn’t be more different though; the two of you, opposite sides of the same coin, but attached by a string.

But even then, he wasn’t as worried as Steve is right now when Lucas ignored him when he stole his limited edition copy of the Swamp Thing. And he and Lucas have years of friendship on the two of you.

“It’s just, I’ve never seen her so tired. Like I've inconvenienced her with all my shit,” Steve exhales deeply as he leans his elbows on the table, rubbing his hands down his face. “Fuck, I don’t blame her if she quits talking to me for good.”

Dustin looks at his friend in sympathy, “Don’t say that dude, you just gotta charm her, it’s not the end of the world-”

“Dustin she’s not like that, man! She’s not one to be ‘charmed’, definitely not one to forgive an asshole that's been nothing but a shit friend.” The hands on his face fall down on the wood as he crossed them. 

“I fucked up. Real bad.” He quaked.

He shakes his head, as if trying to wake himself up from a bad dream. Steve knows he’s being dramatic but he can’t help it. He’s never felt so deeply about a person before. You matter to him, more than most. You’re intimidating and beautiful and so far out of his sad reach.

It takes Dustin no less than 8 Mississippi’s to understand what’s really happening. He’s had an idea in the past and teased Steve about it. The whole group thought something was going on between the two of you but they never questioned it; last time they did they got an earful from you. But Dustin remembers the way Steve’s face fell at your loud and definite “No way!”

He scrutinizes Steve for a second longer before carefully choosing his words longer. “Steve…Are you really still in love with Nancy?” 

Steve raises his eyes and peers at his friend. Was he still in love with his ex-girlfriend? He inhales deeply. Steve thinks about the time spent between the two of you. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t laugh at your quick quips or the way you tease Mike. Not an hour passes by that he doesn’t think about where you are or what you’re doing. Not a minute or second that he doesn’t think about holding your hand and pulling you close. 

But he hates that, he hates the feeling of vulnerability. It's what got him dumped by Nancy so why cherish the feeling that broke him. And it isn’t like you were very mushy about your feelings either, preferring to keep them safe and close to you. 

But by God did he feel safe with you. You were never one to meddle about with feelings, always preferring to speak your mind no matter how controversial. You were honest –and vulgar– and so outspoken, always saying what others were too scared to. He wasn’t short of your honesty either –nor your kindness. He calls –you’ll be there in 10. He needs advice? You’re writing down a thesis paper about his problems. His parents are bothering him? 

Your door is open and unlocked, baking cookies with his favorite movie rented out, waiting to be played.

Steve opens your unlocked door slowly as he walks through the small foyer. Your house is small but warmly lit, giving it a feel he’s never felt anywhere before; Home. That’s the feeling. He calls out your name as he takes his shoes off. There’s a harmonic sound playing throughout the house; To Cut A Long Story Short by Spandau Ballet. This was the mixtape he gifted you. A smile pinches at his face at the revelation.

“In the kitchen!” He hears you call from the corner. Steve’s shoulders physically relax at the honeyed voice.

He walks in routine to where you reside in the kitchen, waiting on popcorn and rolling cookies onto a tray. “Hey, trouble.”

You turn your head at the greeting, a small smile already dancing on your lips. “Stevie.” You nod your head in acknowledgement at the boy.

“What’re you doing?”

Your head turns back to the concoction of dough in front of you. “Making cookies; You’re favorite, right?”

Steve’s eyes widen slightly at your answer. You’re baking? For him? Because he was upset about his parents? Has he had anyone do something so kind? That’s a stupid question, especially as your lovely character is right in front of him. His heart warms and picks up in rate at the same time. It seems to do that a lot whenever he’s around you. 

“Yeah..” He pauses before releasing a chuckle. “You know, you’re not as tough as you look right?”

You scoff, keeping your eyes trained at the ball rolling in between your palms. “Shut it or it’ll be your head I shove into the oven.”

He laughs. After the return of his parents his face has been in a permanent scowl. But the second he’s in your area –around you– you’ve managed to flip his mood in an instance.

“Yes ma’am,” He walks to stand beside you, his back to the counter and his arms propped up behind him. “Need help?” 

The tray is half full with delicious smelling chocolate rounds. “No, it’s okay. You just sit there and look pretty.” You smirk in his direction.

“Hah, funny.” He jokes flatly.

The sound of the microwave timer rings just as you roll the last ball. “Would you get that?” You wipe your oily hands with a red kitchen rag. Steve gets up to open up the microwave. He’s hit with a wave of the salty smell of popcorn. He takes the hot bag out carefully and sets it down on the counter. His head looks around to find an empty bowl to pour the kernels into. 

After setting the tray full of soon-to-be cookies in the oven, you wish to start cleaning up. However your eyes find Steve bent down, assuming to find a bowl. Before you can go help him, he’s already on his way to stand up –before bumping his head on the edge of the counter. 

“Shit!” 

You snort before letting out a heavily mocking laugh. Steve looks at your standing form while he rubs the back of his head. “Anyone told you, you’re a sadist? Shit man.”

You giggle slightly before replying, “Once or twice, lost count.” You walk over to help him up, offering your hand out. “You hit it bad?” 

He takes your outstretched aid and climbs up. “Nah, winded me though.” His hand comes back up to rub at the spot.

“Let me check.” 

Steve watches as you step behind him. You run your fingers over the throbbing spot and massage his scalp. He completely misses the fact that you're touching his hair; No one’s allowed to touch his hair. Thank God you were behind him or you would’ve seen his face turning an embarrassing tomato red. The feeling of you behind him, chest pressed against his back while your soft, nimble fingers soothe the ache on his head has him feeling the butterflies in his stomach flaring up and tingling. His palms start to sweat from the nerves of your figure so close to him and wipes them on his jeans. Get a grip man!

“Still hurt?” Your voice speaks up behind him.

It takes a second for him to register that you’re asking him a question. “U-uh no- no, I’m okay.” He stutters out.

You spill a knowing smile. “Good.” You make your way to his line of sight again. “If you needed a bowl, you could’ve just asked.” You tease with a smirk and a quirk of your brows.

He clears his throat nervously as he watches you bend down to the left of where he was and grab a yellow bowl. “Here.” You hand it over to him. He raises his arm to take your outstretched arm. His fingers brush over yours delicately; it was electrifying. 

Your eyes flit over to his glued on you. The corners of his mouth turn up gently. “Thanks.” 

In that short moment the two of you shared, your breath was stolen. Sometimes you forget how truly handsome your friend is. And everytime you’re reminded, your heart stops. But not in an agonizing way; more like it realizes the force of feelings it’s up against. A tide so big you can’t swim your way up.

Your bodies stay still in front of each other, just staring at one another. A wave of realization washes over Steve quickly. Just for a quick second no longer –maybe because he had an idea of what exactly are the flames that envelope his body every time he’s near you, he’s just never entertained the idea. Liking you –scratch that– loving you? He’s just about throwin himself to a suicide mission. Just as the tide goes out, the insecurity settles in. 

But right now? With you looking at him with your glistening, starry eyes? As you bake his favorite dessert and take his mind off his shitty parents? He tries to amuse his scorching feelings.

Of course Steve wasn’t in love with Nancy. God why would he be when you were right there? 

He chuckles humorously, “No.” His eyes zone in on a scratch of paint on the wood. “But, there’s no way I'll hurt someone like her,” He whispers as if the mere act would stop his heart, “Someone as angelic as she is, would never soil her hands with someone like me.” He flies through the sentence, trying hard to not let the truth dig its claws further in. 

Dustin looks at his friend in sympathy. He’s unsure of what to do or say to lift up Steve’s spirits. But Steve was wrong. Stupid wrong. Dustin’s seen the way you look at Steve; Like he strung up the moon and hung every star individually. He’s seen the way you unconsciously move toward Steve when a situation grows uncomfortable. Or the way you always seem to know what Steve was feeling or thinking just with a glance. It made the group sick, really. Well, before they started dating and crushing. But what you and Steve have? It rivals the most ancient love stories; Songs that didn’t make sense before all of a sudden click with just a glance at the two of you; Romance novels written about the two of you and movies fail to show what it is truly that makes love so magical.

“Steve,” Dustin stops and looks down gloomily; Adding to the dramatic pause, “I’ve never met someone more brainless and thick-headed than you.” Steve’s head shoots up, his face offended and ready to defend himself. “What?-”

“I mean seriously, did you inhale some hair spray this morning? You’re more stupid than usual –and that’s saying a lot.” 

Steve’s brows continue to furrow in offense as the insults carry out. “Okay ditz, what’re you on about?-”

“She loves you, you idiot!”

Silence over takes the room like a bad plague. A ringing sound fills his ears as his widen eyes take in his friend. Before he lets out a laugh. Dustin’s determined face controls into one of confusion. “W-what are you laughing at?” Steve continues his heaved breaths. “Steve!”

“I’m sorry-” He wheezes. “I’m sorry but, aren't you supposed to be a genius?” He inhales deeply and regains himself. It was Dustin’s turn to be offended. 

“I’m freaking serious man! Anyone with eyes can see how much she loves you!” 

Steve rolls his eyes indecorously. “Cupid, listen-”

“No you listen!”

There's a moment of staggered silence before Dustin continues. “Holy shit do you ever shut up? Better yet– Do you ever stop and think twice before you speak? The whole reason you’re in this mess is because you’re a coward –a chicken; You talk all this big talk about getting all the ladies and scoring dates but, have you ever thought that the reason you’re going on these –stupid dates– is to distract yourself?” Dustin doesn’t give him half a second to reply- “No you didn’t, just like you don’t think before talking to the love of your life.” Dustin’s blazing because at this point he’s just spilling over words. He needs to end it, shove the knife a little deeper for the act to end. 

“She’s hurt Steve. You hurt her.” Steve stiffens at the confession. “So are you going to do something about it, or are you going to sit her brooding like a James Dean wannabe?”

Steve bites his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood as he contemplates his choices. He’s spent the better half of your friendship in agonizing longing, hoping –looking– for a sign. Anything that tells him or shows him that you might return the painful ache in his chest. Oh how he burned for you; ablaze with every touch and stare. But just as the oceans glisten, you somehow always smother the fire. He wonders what it means: the fact that you never let him destroy himself. It was different with everyone else. With Nancy he was practically left in smithereens; everyone else never bothered to tend to the fire. But you? You could always tell when he was about to boil over. Just on the verge of a major spill. You were healthy, and observant. Always managing his outbursts with careful and slow movements. Throwing water just as his temper tipped over the edge.

 He needs to be your water. He needs to be there for you, just like you’ve always done. Like you always do.

Steve slams his hands on the table in tenacity. The action startled Dustin as he looked at a new man in front of him. “I’m gonna do something about it-” 

Dustin stands up with the same amount of fervor and nods his head proudly. “Yeah, yeah!”

“I’m gonna fix this!” Steve pumps his hands excitedly by his side. Dustin copies Steve and slams his hands on the table. “Hell yeah, you are!” Dustin drums the table hysterically as if possessed with the spirit of John Bonham.

Steve whoops and yells running around the dining room. Dustin –just as excited– slaps his back whenever he passes. “I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna fix this– I’m going to tell her!” 

Dustin’s just about ready to start calling everyone he knows to celebrate. Shit he feels like his mom. Steve’s already by the door slipping on his shoes. “Go get your girl Steve!” He grins, his dimple showing. Steve turns around just as he’s about out the door, and sends a confident, full toothed smile back.

••••••

You were lounging around on your couch eating a bowl of cereal when you heard the sound of a knock on your door. You place the bowl down and make your way to the wooden slab. It’s been a few days since the constant calls and house visits from Steve stopped so you were hopeful that he didn’t pick up his new favorite hobby again. The weeks that followed the argument were quiet. You didn’t realize how much of your time was spent with Steve and the group. You assumed Steve told the rest of them about your vow to silence when Nancy and Robin showed up with bags of snacks and a rented out movie, talking about a ‘girls day’. You were hesitant at first. Yes they were your friends –but they were also Steves. Nancy, ever the empath noticed your predicament and reassured you they were on your side. You let them in reluctantly; quickly changing to gratefulness when you realized how much fun you were having. It quickly became a routine between the three of you. The two of them however kept this a secret for your sake and it added to the appreciation. You were all getting so close and it was nice. All your time being spent with Steve had you missing out on getting to really know who they were. Nancy even confided in you about her problems with Jonathan; the distance and indifference. You understood her and even tried helping her, it was lovely. And Robin was just a breath of fresh air, her jokes and childish attitude gives you space to not be so tough all the time. You even find yourself doubled over laughing at her ridiculous quips during your weekly watches. It was fun, having friends to take your mind off things.

You open your door assuming to see either girl but you’re met with a bent down flop of hair breathing heavily.

“Steve?” You questioned in slight worry. “You okay?”

Your name gets called out in a deep wheeze. He stands up right as he takes in a couple of deep breaths.

“Listen– I know that you’re mad –believe me I’ve had my fair share of people calling me a jackass– but I want to make it right.” He gazes at you desperately. “Please.”

You rip your eyes away from his face as you think about your choices. It’s been a long time since the argument, and to be completely honest you were kind of over it. Just as Nancy confined in you; You fessed up and revealed the true nature of your and Steve's fight. To say the least Nancy wasn't impressed, nor was she amused. You thought she was going to be mad –or even excited– but you were met with a lecture: “If you believe a word out of Steve's mouth; my judgment of you has got to change.” She joked. “We even have bets going on to see how long the two of you would last.”

You thought she was absurd, denying everything she said –even though it made sense– you would never tell her that though. But her words ring around in your head like little cartoon birds. ‘Give it a shot. Be vulnerable.’ She coaxed. If shit goes wrong you are so taking that Rumors CD.

You prodded your cheek with your tongue before replying. “Get in.”

He lets out a grateful huff of air, one he was holding in. “Thank you.” You widen up the open door and let the boy in. He looks odd with hands fiddling together, like a scolded child standing in your walkway. He hazily remembers the night he walked into your house for the impromptu movie night. He ignores the voice in his head that nags: ‘This might not work’.

“You want something to drink?” You speak monotonously.

He snaps out of his reverie. Now's not the time to freeze.

“Uh- yeah- yes please, water.” He follows you to the kitchen

The tension is palpable, and it’s making Steve awfully nervous. Your back is facing towards him as you open the faucet and let it run before placing a glass cup underneath the stream. The memory comes back again, fast. He tries to find the comfort he once felt the last time he stepped in your house. Somehow it never left.

You leave the sink with a cold cup of water in your hand. He takes it from your wet hands softly, taking extra precaution not to graze your fingers. Steve quietly mumbles your name as you wipe your damp hands on the same red rag. You rip your eyes away from the distraction and set them on Steve.

“I..How are you?” He gulps.

You take a deep breath before replying. “Fine. You?”

“Good, good.” He nods his head as he rubs his thumb across his bottom lip and chin. A habit he does when he’s nervous.

You wrap your arms around your body protectively in hopes of perhaps shielding you away from the inevitable conversation. “Cut to the chase Harrington.” You grunted exasperatedly.

“I know I know! I just...Need to find the right words. I don’t wanna mess this up.” He whispered the last part but still audible enough for you to hear him. You always do.

“Mess what up? It was just a silly argument-” You furrow your brows in confusion.

“No it wasn’t! Nothing about it was silly –nothing about us is silly!” He exclaimed. 

Your eyebrows fly to the top of your forehead. “Wha-”

He says your name in the same manner, “I’ve been an idiot. A complete and utter douchebag –but you know that so what's new.” He chuckles in a strangled tone, voice wobbly while he rubs his palms. You stood quiet as he took the microphone.

“The night at the pool wasn’t a mistake. It was everything I needed to open my eyes, to see how much of an idiot I’ve been. You…” Steve takes a second to gather his thoughts. To gather you into words. “Are everything. All the praying and wishing on stars to find someone who understood me. Who I can sit in silence with and it not feel excruciatingly uncomfortable. You’ve given me a home within a person.”

He’s staring into your eyes now with a feeling you can’t quite understand. But he strides gingerly towards your frame and unravels your arms, and holds your warm hands. You’re still observing him with very large eyes. 

He’s being vulnerable?

He says your name is such confidence, totally different to the little boy who was just standing in your walkway all fidgety. “I cannot imagine a life with you not being there to yell at all the stupid people, especially the ones who miraculously passed their driving test.” This steals a little giggle from your shocked state. Steve continues. “There’s so much more to this but,” He pauses and closes his eyes while he inhales deeply. “I am not in love with Nancy.” He says. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the things I said. You were trying to help me –like always– and I was just being a dick. I’m so sorry.”

Hope fills your being and it’s suffocating, you question if you even like it. He’s speaking with such softness it equals the spring wind and with incredible certainty it rivals the most stubborn aristocrats. 

“Huh, isn’t that something.” You choke up. Steve questions if he heard you. He did. He always does when it comes to you.

“Yeah it is.” he replies with a small smile and a pull with his interlocked hands, bringing you closer. 

“You’ve been my calm in this shit storm and I’ve been an idiot to not realize that the only person I ever needed,” He stops for what you believe is for dramatic effect, “Was you. It's always been you. So in some way I was hoping to maybe be the calm in your life.” 

Steve releases a shy grin and squeezes your hands in his lengthy ones before finishing his profession. He says your name one last time before- “I am an idiot. And that’s been proven to be true more times than we can count on our fingers. But I think the time that solidified it was when I tried convincing myself that I didn’t love you.”

You think your eyes are about to bulge out their sockets at the confession. He…loved you?

“Me?”

He gives you a knowing look. “I’m sorry, do you have a secret twin I don’t know about? Is this some shitty sequel to The Parent Trap?”

“Steve.”

“Sorry sorry.”

It’s taking a lot from you to swallow this huge pill. You’ve spent this whole time convincing yourself that he didn’t love you. That he couldn’t ever fathom thinking about you in a romantic sense. Now here he is, standing in front of you with his cheeky smile and bright eyes, telling you he loves you. You start to blink excessively, feeling the tsunami of tears advancing fast. God you hate crying, but maybe you’ll allow it this time. If Steve was an idiot, you better expect a simpleton of the year award in the mail soon. You feel the blobs of tears in front of your orbs as they start to fall down one by one.

This obviously panics Steve, you would rather stick forks in your eyes than cry. 

“Oh my god, shit, was it something I said? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to throw all of this at your face.” Steve is running around your kitchen to find tissues or a towel before he promptly kicks the table and drops the glass of water. “Shit! Shit shit shit!”

Tears forgotten when you start laughing jovially at the scene. You wipe your cheeks with knuckles as you breathe sharply.

“Steve.” You call out to his erratic form.

“I’m so sorry angel, this is a mess, I’ll fix it and then leave-”

“Steve.”

“I will buy you a whole new cup –scratch that– I’ll buy you whole brand new kitchen set-”

“Steve!”

He stops the run around the kitchen and stares at you and sees the teary smile you’re beautifully wearing. He gulps, “Yes?” He replies, still out of breath.

“I love you too.” You drag a finger furiously under your eye trying to stop the water works.

“Oh.” He croaks

“Yeah.”

“That’s, uh, that’s good, amazing actually, uh really great –hey stop doing that to your face.” He approaches you and draws your criminal hands away from your face in a caring manner. He replaces your angry fingers with his calloused ones, collecting your happy tears. You let him take care of you, caressing along the apples of your cheeks in content. 

Steve’s buzzing with overwhelming love for you. He ponders how he lasted so long lying to himself. He wonders how long he’s spent hurting you, trying to forget the absolute force of beauty and grace you are. You were there from the start, in front of him with all your anger and unconditional kindness –that he didn’t deserve– but you still chose to stay. And fuck if he messes this second chance? He can’t think of a way to thank the considerate hand that’s giving him this fortune.

He holds your glowing face in his nurturing hands and gazes into your starry eyes. “Does this mean you forgive me?”

You laugh delightfully and Steve thinks it’s the most wonderful music to his ears. “No. You’re lucky I even let you into my house.”

“Mhmm I am very lucky.” He teased cockily.

“You know you have a lot to make up for?” You say say woefully.

“All that wasted time and you think I haven’t started planning yet? Trouble, c’mon.” He tilts his head.

“Well, you are a little scatter-brained so.” You purse your lips.

“Hey!”

You shrug mockingly as his hands stay glued to your face. “It’s what you get for hurting me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be making it up to you until death grabs me by the throat.”

Steve can’t believe his eyes right now, you, standing in front of him, willing to forgive him. He’s sure he can die happy right now.

“Hey, I’m gonna try and do something, and you can stop me at any time –hit me, or slap me– I won’t even squeak.” His fingers travel to hold your jaw, thumbs close to your bottom lip. 

You nod inquisitively. “Alright, alright, we’ll crucify you if need be.”

His face is dull at your poor joke.

Steve lingers for a moment before he leisurely leans in close to your awaiting lips. First warning comes when the both of you are a breath away. “Everything okay?” He whispers.

“Mhm.”

The next comes when the tips of your noses are brushing against each other; a shy eskimo kiss. “Still okay?” In a timid manner you close your eyes. Steve admires how your lashes kiss your cheeks.

Your consent comes in the guise of an easy nod.

Then comes the time of the hour. Your lips were smooth and sweet, nothing like he could ever imagine in his wildest dreams. The kiss has both of your heart beats jumping around like monkeys. You feel like you’re gonna pass out; he’s so warm and his skin is stinging with shots of happiness. There were few times in your life you ever felt light headed, but this? This takes the cake. It feels like blowing out your birthday candles, and the after smell of the wax. It feels like summer, dipping your overheated head into the cold ocean, feeling your scalp chill. It feels like wiping soft buttercream off your lips and submerging your frosted finger into your mouth, tasting the sweet cream. It feels like everything

The both of you pull away for much needed oxygen –but in both of your opinions you could have gone without it– and just stare at each other. “You okay?” He wipes the wet off your lips.

“Fine.” You nod dumbly.

Steve gives you a small smile, fondness oozing out of his expressions. “Good.”

© berryfeilds 2024

Boycott S5 of Stranger Things → Cast Zionism + Other reasons and productions

Learn about Palestine → Resources + Ways to help + Other 1 + Other 2

[docholligay]

Re: Your tags, I know you remember this because you were one of the first people I was mutuals with on this site LO THOSE MANY YEARS AGO, but maybe everyone didn't know me, so.

I don't like Happy Outers Family. I never have.

When I was first nosing around in the fandom and writing a bunch of sailor moon stuff I used to get asked CONSTANTLY why I didn't like it. And specifically, I would get asked what was WRONG with it. Why did I think it was BAD. This to me is a summation of the problem.

Because the way things are working now, very commonly, online, is that you can't simply hate something because you do. You can't just be like, "I want it to die with fire and I'm sick of hearing about it"

There has to be a structural reason that you don't like it. There has to be something about it that contains an -ism or -phobia or doesn't engage properly with trauma or something of any of these natures. We've hoodwinked ourselves into thinking that if we don't like something, there must be a moral component, and people are so disconnected from the on-the-ground, real activism they think trashing a show or book or whatever is praxis.

Which is why we have these INSANELY bad faith takes on things, because people know they have to find a REASON for other people not to like this thing, not to engage with it, not to make me have to hear about it. So you see incredible reaches. I could be SO SO good at this, because it literally is just sleight of hand with words. It's just persuasion.

I wish everyone would just be a hater. I hate Happy Outers Family because it's an insanely boring way to have Haruka and MIchiru play house. I hate critical role because I think microdosing a story is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of and I'm tired of fucking hearing about it. I hate board games because they are fucking boring. I hate Harry Potter not from being problematique, but because I think it fucking intellectually stunted a generation. (pre JK's downfall I got CONSTANT shit for this. That's fine)

None of the reasons above are a moral panic. We are done with moral panics. BE A HATER WITH A FULL AND OPEN HEART AND STOP LOOKING TO BE RIGHT. There are no points for watching/reading the best media.

[playingdxngerous]

fresh start

18+ minors dni

Warnings: cheating*, eventual smut, swearing, SLOW BURN, p in v, slight angst, arguing, Jake is very cocky, jealousy, pet names, oral f! and m! receiving, fingering f! receiving, masturbation, fluff at the end

Word Count: 4151

* I do not condone cheating, and I think it is an awful thing to experience or do to someone. Please do not cheat on people. This is just a fanfic :)

also i did not proof read absolutely any of this so if you see a mistake then ummm no you dont!

Your two month anniversary is today, or was today, in this case. Just when you thought things were getting better in your new relationship, it all started going downhill. Never in your life did you think you'd get broken up with on your anniversary. So much time wasted. It's for the stupidest reason too. Your (now ex) boyfriend James claimed over a phone call that he has been slowly losing feelings for a week or two and needs time away. Everyone knows what that means. There's another girl. Someone better, prettier.

"Fuck you!" You yell over the phone in your parked car. "You'll never be as happy as you were with me and you fucking know that, James. You know that." You hang up the phone before he can respond, tears streaming down your face. You look down at the outfit you had put on before driving over to his house. A red satin dress with lingerie underneath. You'd been planning the night out together for a few days now. He was going to take you to a movie, out to eat, and eventually back to his house before the two of you exchange gifts. he never even got to see you in your new dress. The asshole broke it off with you just before you reached his neighborhood.

You turn on music to distract yourself, yet nothing works. Guess I'll just get fucking blackout drunk tonight, you think to yourself. You quickly back out of the random parking lot you were settled in and speed to the nearest bar.

Pulling into a parking space you wipe off your tears and reapply mascara. You put on red lipstick and step out of the car, no cares for what happens to you tonight.

The bar is familiar, since this is where Jake used to take you. Jake. As if your day weren't bad enough, memories of your old relationship flutter through your head. Playing guitar, hooking up backstage, secret dinner dates where you both tried to avoid fans seeing you together. You were in love, more than you could ever be. More than you thought he would ever be. You were clearly wrong, as one day touring apparently "became too much" on him and was the reason for the breakup. About a month later the tour ended, and he found a new girl named Elena. This is when you decided to force yourself to move on and meet James. Your savior, you thought. He strongly resembled Jake. Maybe that's why you fell so hard for him too. Long hair, raspy voice, played guitar. Even his name is close to Jake's. A complete carbon copy of him. Enough with the exes, you think as you open the door to the bar with a deep breath. Tonight you can forget both of them even existed.

You walk to the barista and order a drink, asking for anything strong. She's middle aged, tattoos lining her arms and neck. She has that rare beauty to her, the beauty you'd find with a trashy addict husband. The beauty you'd find riding a motorcycle late at night. She brings you a surprise drink, winking at you before saying this will definitely get you some guys on your finger tonight. Little does she know that you secretly wish you never met any guy in your life anymore. You down the drink in one sip, the taste burning your throat. Just as you begin to ask for another shot of something, a spine-chilling voice interrupts you.

"Hey pretty lady," Jake Kiszka directs to the barista. "I'd like whatever this girl just got," he says pointing his thumb to you.

"Just one? Don't want to offer her one?" She smiles at you.

"No thank you." You quickly respond to her. "I should probably get going."

"I've got a date over here somewhere; I can't be buying random girls drinks. Don't know where the hell mine is though." Jake says. "Don't know if I give a shit either..." He mumbles under his breath.

"Be respectful for once you prick." You say directly to him, not expecting it to actually come out of your mouth.

"Oh yeah?" He downs the shot with no face. "What will you do about it? Start making out with someone who looks just like me? I've seen him before y'know. You could've gone for someone slightly different than me. Guess you were just so crazy for me you couldn't stand a simple break while I was on tour." He shrugs his shoulders. Anger rises in your stomach as he lies straight to your face. The worst part is that he's not even drunk. You've seen him tipsy, and you know for a fact he is complete sober right now. These are sober words hitting you directly in the heart. Being broken up with was enough, but this just makes it way worse. It takes everything in you to not punch his cheek and leave a mark for his precious little Elena to kiss.

"Go back to your fucking girlfriend." You grunt through your teeth. Your hands unclench to reveal little marks from your red painted fingernails. "And it wasn't a break. Don't ever say that again. You broke up with me to fuck her a month later. You lost feelings, not me. I would've stayed. I did stay. I stayed until your player ass found her. I hope she's happy with you."

"She is." He says and walks away into the crowd. You see Elena grab him around the neck with a confused face. He shakes his head and smiles, leaning in for a kiss. He widens his eyes as they practically make out, staring right at you.

"You wanna dance?" A random guy grabs your hand and scoots up to you. You turn to Jake, who is still intently staring. However, his face now portrays anger and jealousy rather than pettiness.

"Sure, why not?" You smile widely and wink in Jake's direction. A song you've never heard plays out of the large speakers spread across the room and you struggle to stay up to tempo with your new date. You wait impatiently for the song to end, excusing yourself when it finally does.

You walk around aimlessly, trying to find the bathroom. As you take a turn down a hallway to find it, Jake is leaned against the wall as if he were waiting for you.

"Can you leave me alone for five minutes and just let me breathe?" You almost yell.

"I don't think James would like to know you're out here drunk and dancing with random men. Dressed like a slut and all."

"I don't care what he thinks anymore."

"Oh, so I should text him on Instagram and tell him?"

"I don't think Elena would like you sneaking off to talk to your ex by the bathroom either." You say, putting extra emphasis on her name.

"I'm sure she's doing the same. The bitch just let some dude buy her a drink. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already in his car by now. Wouldn't be the first time. I haven't even seen her since you saw me kiss her."

"And you don't care at all?" You ask, genuinely confused. If James ever did that to you would lose your mind.

"You think I care about her? She's with me for the sex. I'm a fucking rockstar, what do you expect. You really think I love her like I did you?"

"Jake why would you bring that up?" You say almost sadly.

"You never answered my question so why should I answer yours." He claims.

"Okay fine, what was the stupid question."

"Does your copy and paste boyfriend not give a shit that you're out here with other men?" His eyebrows raise.

"He broke up with me."

"What?"

"He fucking broke up with me! Is that what you so desperately want to hear?"

"Why did he- Why would he..." He trails off in confusion.

"Why don't you ask yourself that Jake. Seems like you two have something in common." Tears start to pool in your eyes, so you turn your heel to start walking away. Jake's warm hand grabs your hip, pulling you in to a hug. You can't help but stay there for a second. Thankfully, reality begins to kick back in and you push him away.

"Go find Elena. Take her home. Give her a fucking night to enjoy because God knows I won't enjoy the rest of tonight. Give her everything you ever wanted to give me, everything you did give me. Give her your love. And don't ever hug me again unless you mean it. I'm tired of people holding me in and breaking my goddamn heart." You utter.

"Am I not making it oblivious enough?" He laughs.

"Jake what are you on about now?"

"I don't want her sweetheart." He moves closer to you, making you tilt your head to now keep eye contact. Your heart sinks at the pet name.

"You don't mean it." You whisper.

"Do I need to prove it to you that I mean it?" He smirks.

"I'm not going to let you cheat on her." You croak. He turns you around to face the crowded room behind you, his hands resting gently on your hips once more. You scan the room and immediately find Elena on the lap of some guy at the bar, kissing him harder than she was with Jake moments ago.

"Oh my god Jake I'm so sorry she's doing that to you." You feel genuinely bad for him, as you know it must be hard to witness that.

"Like I said darling, not the first time. So, are we going to get going or what?" Your head and heart pull to opposite sides of your answer. As much as you want to say no, it's so hard to decline an offer like this. You and James' relationship is already in shred, and you've almost completely forgotten about it because of Jake. It's so easy to just say 'yes'...

"Jake we can't. It's not right." You finally respond. Slight regret fills your head.

"What about it isn't right? Neither of us are in a loving relationship at the moment. Mine is falling apart hour by hour and you don't even have one at all. I think you're just scared you'll enjoy it too much. You miss me too badly. You miss the way I feel in your pretty pussy. The way I taste. The sounds of our moans together." His voice gets quieter as his sentences go on, stepping closer and closer until your chests are touching.

"Fuck me, Jake." You whisper.

"Is that a yes? You know I won't ever force you." He pulls away a little, making the wind blow cold between you.

You scoot back to him and grabs his neck. "Yes Jake. I want you so badly." He smiles and kisses you slowly. The shape of his lips brings back memories of your relationship. The same lips you'd kiss for hours at a time, so often. He must sense it too, as each second he kisses hungrier and faster. The capricious night runs through your thoughts. How over an hour ago you were crying on the phone with James, and now you are making out with your ex as his girlfriend finds someone else to toy with right behind you, no care in the world.

He slides his tongue against your bottom lip, starving to taste you. The sweetness of his spit mixes with yours and you try to forget that Elena had just tasted the same thing recently. He seems to notice your overthinking tendencies and pushes you against the nearest wall, placing his thigh between your legs to distract you.

"We're in public," you laugh as you pull away from his swollen lips.

"Let's go then," he smirks. He walks quickly through the crowd, flipping off Elena as he walks past her. You grab hold his hand and smile, staring straight at her as she goes back into her kissing session. You make it outside, the chilly air giving you goosebumps. Jake gives opens the door for you, giving you a blue jean jacket from his backseat. You put it on, his scent overwhelming you.

"And you're absolutely sure you-" He begins before you interrupt him with a short peck on the lips.

"Yes Jake." He nods and puts the car in reverse, grabbing your thigh once you make it on the main road.

"My house?" He asks. You nod, not wanting to go into your room and allow him to see the hanging polaroids and framed picture of you and James. He squeezes your thigh in response. The drive ends shortly, and you notice that his hand is way further up than it started.

He gets out of the car and opens the door, guiding you through the familiar house to his bed. You sit on the edge and he leans down in front of you, taking off your red heels.

"Oh what a gentleman," you tease as you crawl back against the headboard, letting him hold himself up on top of you.

"Mhm," he moans, leaning in for a desperate kiss. "I've missed your lips," he says while pulling away. Your heart sinks at his claim, yet you know it's way too soon into your breakup to catch feelings for your ex once more. Guilt takes over you. Two months isn't that long, right?

"Why Jake? You've had Elena for a while now. Why do you miss me?" You ask.

"I don't know how I can make it clearer that I never liked her like I did you. You were and still are so special to me." The sentence drops your heart even more, your butterflies almost making you nauseous. "You probably don't feel the same though, and I guess I understand why." The thought rings in your mind. Did you ever love James more than Jake? James was easier to be around, as he was always less busy. He didn't have such high expectations on him. Maybe that's why you loved him so much. He was the part of Jake you wanted to be around. He didn't have a huge job where he was never home. He wasn't touring the country. He was actually able to show you affection. And the biggest part, he looked very similar to Jake...

"You don't know that," you finally manage to speak.

"You liked me more than James? After what I did?

"Jake...: You whisper, grabbing his arms. "I was absolutely in love with you. We were together for so long. It's difficult to compare that to a two month relationship." Jake smiles in pride and kisses you passionately. His tongue glides across yours, making you forget the whole conversation about James. Tonight was a night to forget about him, and that's what you're going to do. "Make me forget about him," you say out loud without even realizing. His eyes spark, starstruck by your request.

"I'll do anything you want sweetheart." He smirks, covering it by biting his lip. Your face gets hot by the minute as he reaches his hand up and cups your tit. While squeezing, he begins to suck on your neck. A red spot remains as he moves away, which shows that you are his for the night. Remnants of him will stay on your body, giving proof of the sins. You don't care though, in fact, you hope James sees somehow. You want him to know how you feel. You want him to know that you chose Jake over him. Not in a way to make him jealous, but to show him what he missed out on. To show him what he will never have again.

"You're so sexy in this dress," he rasps. Your mind flips to the lingerie you have on under it, originally intended for someone else.

"It would be better if you took it off, in my opinion," you tease.

"Oh yeah?" He raises his eyebrows, slowly pulling on the shoulder straps. "Do you really deserve that special treatment, princess? I shouldn't make you strip it off in front of me?"

"Jake please," you whimper. Tonight will be a long night.

"Use your words," he lifts up your chin with his index finger, looking you in the eyes.

"Fuck me," you moan. He slides the straps down further, and you help him slide the dress down your legs. A pink matching set lines your body, making him noticeably hard through his jeans.

"Dressed up for your little boyfriend huh? Too bad he's missing out on this." He slides his fingers across your clit, the fabric of the lace covering it. "So wet and desperate for me. I hope he's so jealous right now." One more word from Jake and you feel as if your heart might stop. "I need you so bad baby please," you squeeze your legs together in order to relieve some tension. He notices and pushes them apart immediately. "Please Jake."

"I think I'd rather listen to you beg for me all night." He kisses your stomach, trailing down to the top of your panties, gently pulling on them with his teeth. He looks you in the eyes and stops midway. Running his hands up your body, he unclasps your bra. You become tired of waiting and start to rub circles through your panties. He grabs your hand and puts it behind your back, clicking his tongue disapprovingly.

"Be patient, love." He centers his attention back to where he was initially, pulling down the lace bottoms fully. All of a sudden, he glides his tongue flatly across your slit. Electricity shoots through your body. He is doing this simply for you to feel pleasure, not him. You forgot how good this felt, as James only ever cared about if he was going to finish or not.

"Feels so good," you mumble.

"We just started baby," he smirks as he moves his head back. His tongue gains speed with every flick. He sucks on your clit, moans forcing their way out of you at the touch. You grab his brunette locks and watch as he devours your cunt. A quiet moan vibrates off his tongue as you pull his hair.

"I'm so close," you practically yell. He brings his fingers up to his mouth, sliding one into you to get you used to it. He sadly moves his head away and raises up to kiss you as he fucks you with his finger. He slides one more in shortly. "Fuck baby go faster I'm so close." He menacingly slows down and bites your lip as he ends the current kiss. He positions his tongue back over your clit and continues to push his fingers into you, curling at just the right spot.

"Jake!" You shout his name like a prayer as you release your orgasm onto his fingers.

"You did so good princess," he cups your jaw with his hand.

"My turn," you say as you attempt to catch your breath.

"What?"

"Lay down." To your surprise he turns over and actually lays on his back. He used to hate letting you be in control. "Going to fuck you better than that bitch Elena ever did."

"Won't be hard to beat," he laughs. He unzips his jeans and pulls them off, throwing them on the floor nearby. You help him pull his shirt off and run your hands down his chest to take in the moment. You've really missed this, no matter what your mind tries to convince you. You take his dick in your mouth, letting your hands cover the rest of his length. You start to pump with your mouth and get faster as he whimpers underneath you.

"Condom?" You ask. He reaches into his nightstand and rips one open with his teeth. You help him slide it on, then crawl up to straddle his waist. With his help you begin to ride him, butterflies filling your stomach. Whimpers escape from his lips. He grabs your waist with one hand to guide your hips back and forth as you bounce, his other hand squeezing your boob. Another orgasm rises in you.

"I'm going to cum baby keep going," he reassures you as you start to slow down. Tired from all the movement, you pull off and take the condom off, sucking his dick once more. You rub your clit, his face alone almost sending you over the edge. "Fuck," he sighs as he releases into your mouth, watching you swallow him. He looks down and sees you touching yourself. "Desperate for another?" Your face gets hot at his observation.

"What if I am?" You tease. He flips you on you back and immediately starts to fuck you with his fingers. You're taken by surprise, but you love it more than anything. He curls as he slowly pumps them at just the right place and speed.

"C'mon baby finish for me." His words unravel the knot in your stomach, causing you to cum on him once more. "Good girl," he mutters before sucking you off his fingers. He kisses you longingly, then makes a trail of pecks to your neck. "Next time you think of that asshole ex of yours, I want you to remember what that kiss tasted like. What we taste like."

"I'm all yours now Jake."

"I know you are," he replies while walking to his drawer. He pulls out a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old band t-shirt, putting them on in front of you. "Are you staying the night?" The question rings in your head. Why is he asking you? Why do you want to stay the night with your ex? Why did you do any of this?

"If you don't mind," you respond before thinking. He reaches in and grabs you similar clothes to his.

"Of course not. Do you want anything? Water or snacks?"

"Just you," you grin. He turns the light off and climbs into the bed with you once you have put the clothes on. His body lies inches from you, not daring to touch you or else feelings might form again. Uncertainty of your own feelings stream throughout your thoughts. "Jake?"

"Yeah?" He turns over to face you, moonlight barely shimmering down on him from a window.

"Are you going to go back to Elena and act like this never happened?"

"After seeing you so vulnerable tonight I don't think I could ever look into her eyes again. I really missed you." He places his hand on your cheek. His thumb unconsciously moves back and forth.

"Does this make me a bad person?" You ask silently.

"Why would you be a bad person?"

"James," you say shortly.

"He clearly deserves this. I don't to assume anything or hurt you, but he's probably out fucking some girl right now. I don't see why he ever would, you're the best girlfriend anyone could ask for." He speaks from experience.

"It's not just that though."

"What is it then?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"I'm catching feelings for you again. They never completely left to begin with. When we broke up, I found James, yet his only job was the replace the hole you left in me. I wanted you. In the back of my head, I have for the whole two months leading up to today. I never got over you, I never will. I understand if you don't feel the same way, I just needed to tell you sooner rather than later. That being if we ever even talk again after tonight."

"I feel the same way love." The name makes your heart pump faster.

"What does this mean for us?" You worriedly ask.

"I think it means we need to take things slow if we ever want to go back. You just need-" He says before you interrupt.

"So you do want to go back?"

"Is that bad?" He questions

"I want to as well, so I guess it's okay." You smile.

"We can have a fresh start if we just pace it right. Rushing into a relationship the same day you got broken up with probably isn't a good idea. Tomorrow I will make breakfast and let you sleep in. We can act however you want, no label."

"That sounds perfect," you yawn.

"Good," he smiles. You lean and kiss him on the cheek. He pulls you closer, yet leave a gap in between you just in case. You scoot in, wishing to be as close as possible. He hugs you and runs his hands up and down your back. You slide a hand up his shirt, craving his warmth in such a cold room. Eyelids getting heavy, you close your eyes and dream about a fresh start with Jake Kiszka.

[team7-headquarter]

Naruto Classic is so fucking good and critical and it never meant to hide how wrong was the system or how awful was Hiruzen's view of politics.

I've just reached the introductory speech Hiruzen gave before starting the preliminary fights for the third stage of the Chuning Exams. Hiruzen starts by clarifying the truth about the Chuning Exams: it's not about friendship or goodness of the heart, but rather “a war-in-miniature between all the allied shinobi lands”.

It flew over my head when I first read it as a child.

At the moment, after years of conflict fighting over land and resources, the nations who were geographically close to each other decided to make an alliance and create a stage where they could show off their strength and challenge the other villages, without so much death. Hiruzen calls their alliance “temporary” and said that the Chuning Exams were a better way, compared to the old conflicts between territories.

To which Naruto responds that it is the stupidest thing he has ever heard, naturally.

There's something about the way the jonins stand in the background, something about how you can almost feel the memories of the last big shinobi war. To avoid another war, to avoid anything like that, those lands decided to replicate the violence through the Chuning Exams. Quoting Hiruzen:

“... It serves as an arena wherein, for the honor of their respective homelands... Young shinobi may fight... To death, if need be!”

The war never went away, it just became a sort of exclusive event.

My favorite part is that almost all the kids of the Konoha 12 decided to question the true purpose of the Chuning Exams. You got Tenten and Ino and Sakura and Kiba and Naruto boldly facing the Hokage on it, while others acted surprised or just endured it. Suddenly, there's no more fairytale or romantic side to the shinobi life. You are a tool, a weapon expected to die for your land, and if you are not strong enough you are a disgrace that is gonna be forgotten to die somewhere and if you are strong enough you're gonna be sent to die at the battlefield...

They even invite the rich and powerful and the most influential to watch the examinations, so they can decide what Hidden Village they should commission for their missions. They are indeed selling a product: their ability to kill if necessary.

Hiruzen's speech makes me sick. It is imperialism taken to the extreme of a mercenary ruled world.

Here's the transcription of the following passage because holy shit:

Hiruzen — and when one land is strong in battle and the village coffers overflow with the fruits of the many outside commissions this begets, then that village may say to its neighbors, "beware, for we possess prowess and riches and the influence of political power!"

Kiba — So?! Why is it necessary to stake our lives and fight... ?!

Iruka — ...

Hiruzen — The strength of a country is derived from the strength of its village and the village draws strength from the shinobi who live there and the greatest strength of those shinobi only emerges in the midst of a desperate life and death battle!

Now it makes sense why Orochimaru and Jiraiya pushed Sasuke and Naruto to the brink of death so they could "unlock" their hidden strength. It's the way Hiruzen thought, the way he probably taught them. Tsunade at least was gentler with Sakura, even if she broke most of her bones and was strict as the rest of her team.

Another Hiruzen quote, so it can fully hit the tone of his opinions:

“As you struggle for the sake of your very lives and your people, you help to fulfill the dream that was envisioned by your ancestors.”

Mind you, Hashirama dreamed of a world where kids didn't have to fight and get killed. That year, Hiruzen allowed 12 genin kids to participate in the fights, just because their instructors told him they were ready--- in retrospect, the Chuning Exams were a tragedy waiting to happen.

“To preserve the balance of power at the risk of lives is the essence of the friendship in the world of shinobi”l

At some point he tells the kids they are taking not an ordinary test and I think that he would finally tell them they should retire if they value their lives or something like that. All the other jounins tried their best to scare them away, okay? However, he was talking about how they could risk the dignity and prestige of their villages.

I've never been more thankful for the way Gaara told him to shut up and go on with the exam.

Those panels are a masterpiece. They make it very clear that there's nothing romantic about the shinobi system as Hiruzen conceived it. All those "peaceful years" were superficial and consisted of some of the worst crimes ever committed like a massacre, human experimentation, making the children fight to preserve the power balance, etc. they were a lie, one that explains many things.

Tsunade sending a team of rookies after Sasuke doesn't sound so crazy with this in mind.

It's just natural for the jonins. That's the world they grew up in, the one they learned how to move through. But the kids??????

The Konoha 12 was already revolutionary in their thinking regarding the system. You can see in their eyes how they refuse to accommodate such standards, how they plan to change it all.

[n0bluev]

Kim dokja is the only character to consistently make me tear up (be it canon or a fanfic I AM WEAK)

Just mention something troubling him and ill be like 'noooooooooooooooOOOoo not again UEUEUEU' (knowing damn well this was what i was getting myself into from the start. Like please, kdj cannot have a break it, its as if its a part of his character to secretly be miserable while having everyone around him want nothing more than a genuine smile from him (and it is (basically texbook canon), really.))

Example: I've just read 10 long(ish? I like to read idk whats long anymore TT) chapters of yjh pov just hoping kdj would stop trying to shoulder everything alone, and would stop brushing away his care like it wasnt there.... Ending with yjh finally confronting him (basically in the form of a confession but yknow, theres more going on. it was kinda painful to watch, amen) and kdj just shuting him down like "youre mistaken about your feelings" AND LIKE. MANAGING TO SLIP OUT OF YKH'S LIFE IMMEDIATELY (he ran away #typical)

Now, i know damn well kdj has been hiding many things from yjh. Even yjh knows BUT I KNOW BETTER THAN YJH. BUT EVEN IF I KNOW BETTER, SINCE ITS YJH POV, IM AS IN THE DARK AS HE IS, SO. COOL. But i just know ill be able to fucking sympathise for the squid bastard because when have i ever been able to blame kdj for anything after learning about his side of things (bro is complicated in every universe, but i love him for it UGH)

All of this to say, when the author's note (after kdj fucking being dismissive and withdrawn and running away from #looove&peaace✌️) said "I can't wait to write KDJ's POV. If it crushes everyone, then it'll be a job well done," I GOT TEARY EYED JUST FROM ANTICIPATION. And i know from experience of reading (the)orv(™) and other fics that IF THIS IS WRITTEN WELL (and until now it's been written well enough to my liking /hopeful /pos), I WILL get all emotionnal really quickly and cry at the stupidest thing just because its kim dokja and he deserves the world.

So yeah, wish me luck 👍 (both so the fic keeps being good and for my poor soul..) ty

--- the fic !

(fic is 'Surely it Was Fate' by an [Anonymous] author on ao3. Its 800k+ words and I'm only 10/105 chapters through so I am reluctant to recommend it yet, but until now its been good so im crossing my fingers for the rest lol.)

[gorbalsvampire]

Do you have any thoughts, feelings, dismissive or derisive or intrigued or speculative noises you'd be willing to share about the "Kupala is an Earthbound" theory, please?

My dear mutual, it's like you knew I'd read Transylvania by Night recently! Beyond that, I've actually used Kupala in my long-ago Gehenna chronicle; the PCs essentially unleashed the demon to stop Tremere (the person and the clan) from winning the Eternal Struggle through a curse loophole. Good times.

Unfortunately, my thoughts on the Earthbound bit specifically tend towards the... not dismissive, but indifferent? I'm not a big Demon or Werewolf guy, and either of the "OMG Kupala is really THIS" revelations mostly serve to enable crossovers with those lines. Like: Kupala exists, it's a thing, it's in the soil in Transylvania, and how it got there and what exactly it is don't really matter in terms of the stories I want to tell.

Additionally - and this is my most unpopular opinion, so be warned - I find the Tzimisce deeply overwritten. There's too much convoluted comic-book "and then and then and then" worldbuilding around the clan. "They're bound to their ancestral soil because their Antediluvian made a pact with a demon of the primordial world" is a perfectly fine thing, but it has to coexist with too many other big things in the main, like "their Antediluvian has become a disease and is capable of affecting the entire biosphere" or "one of their bloodlines rejects Kupala and koldunism but it's not the same one that rejects Vicissitude so they're all still fucked" or [redacted because it's the stupidest bit of Dirty Secrets of the Black Hand] or the whole "two Antediluvian bodies" thing or playing Find The Lady with the worm in the box in Vienna. None of those ideas have room to breathe because they're all crammed in and treated as true at once.

The Tzimisce really need someone like Matthew Dawkins to work them over, the way he did the Hecata in Cults of the Blood Gods, establish a new normal with a coherent context rather than bits jabbing up through various books by various authors. If I ever write up my notes on V5: the Dark Ages, I'm going to try and do that job (since a lot of their bullshit originates in or before the Dark Ages setting).

HOWEVER. Kupala is kinda my favourite of the Tzmisce lore strands. It feels like the easiest to separate out from the others, and gives them a closer tie to the Tremere ("Kupala keeps encouraging sorcery in clans, wonder why?"). I think, when I first ran that Gehenna game, I was under the impression that Vicissitude somehow came from Kupala as well - that it was the Eldest's payoff for unbinding the demon/god.

So. Kupala. I like it, but I don't necessarily think attaching the "Earthbound from Demon: the Fallen" or "big ol' Bane from Werewolf: the Apocalypse" is necessary.

[ferdieinceladoncity]

I have two million circling thoughts about 'milagro' and no confidence that I can get them out of my head, but it was so intensely interesting I feel like I have to try.

First of all, the most "this was quite obviously written by a man with little to no care or understanding of Not being a man" episode that I have seen so far. To the point that it smacks me over the head. No woman would act like this: you would run, so so far, the second a guy like that entered an elevator with you.

The scene in the church is incredible in terms of how it was acted. The resigned realisation of "god, he's that kind of creep. That's the kind of man he is. He's infatuated with me." the way she starts to cry, overwhelmed with the emotion of it all- the fear, knowing she's in very real danger. It hit me right in the gut.

I do understand what they were aiming with in terms of her character and her infatuation with Padgett. It's not news that Scully is a little bit fucked in the head (as kind as I can put it) and morbid curiosity drew her to his apartment (and, putting her possibly in the running for Stupidest Person ever, self destructive tendencies or not, drinks something he makes her) but the whole scene is almost *too* much. Like. Scully. You cannot be doing this. Possibly the actual scariest/most infuriating scene in the x-files that I've seen.

Then again, I keep yelling that there's no way any woman would be foolish enough to act like this, but she's not a very normal woman. Sorry, it's true. She runs headfirst into these moments of possible self-destruction stemming from her own severe insecurities over whatever her relationship is with Mulder, the circumstances and uncertainty and longevity of which would probably drive *me* a little crazy, especially off the tail end of all the drama of season 6, Diana and all that. I'll do this, I'll get myself into this awful situation, and maybe you'll have something to say about it.

To that end, I'm at odds with wether this is really so 'out of character' or not. I hate to see it. But it makes sense. We can't all be perfect and we certainly can't all make good choices.

Mulder in this episode (because I feel like I should dedicate a paragraph to him even though he's not front and centre) disappoints me a bit. I have at this point read a lot of other reviews of this episode on Tumblr and reddit and heard people praise how "protective" he was, "jealous" was a word used, and generally a lot of focus on the shippiness of this episode, to which I can't agree. He infuriated me just a little. I appreciate that he was down to slap Padgett in the cell and I appreciate that he went to the effort of stealing letters to find his name and all, yet when Scully first talks to him about Padgett after the church scene, telling him he's the one who gave her the milagro and he was frightening, all he has to ask is "do you think he's the killer?" not "are you okay" or anything of the sort. Yes, I know Scully's not the kind of person to really appreciate that. She can hold her own, or she'd like him to think so. Still. From *my* perspective, and this is *my* write-up, and *my* Tumblr blog. And I think it's a bothersome thing to say. Also, I roll my eyes at mulder referring to sex as "the naked pretzel." What's with this guy and censoring himself like he's writing a tiktok comment? Actually, between this and "the wild thing" back in genderbender, maybe he just has some crazy hang-up about referring to scully having a sexual encounter (real or imagined) in a serious context. Interesting.

...That paragraph ended up being longer than my other ones. Loss for feminism on the post that I specifically started because I was fuelled by feminism.

"Agent Scully is already in love" should be for all the world a gleeful revelation and I was quite excited to see it, as I'd heard about this scene long before (MSR gifsets was what drew me here in the first place. I'm shallow like that.) But scully has been so kicked around this episode, stripped of privacy and dignity in every sense and this has been exposed to Mulder and everybody else, that it only makes me sad, because I do wish that Padgett would stop talking to her completely and stop getting around in her head like this.

The end scene just kills me, where the killer breaks in and grabs at her heart. She claws at Mulder's back when he embraces her with such fierce desperation and what I can only assume is a very, very deep well of regret. She doesn't shy away from him caring for her: she needs it.

[aro-rambles]

terfs are so weird, I had to go block one and I looked through her blog and 90% of it was just. terfs being miserable and making hating men and trans people their only "personality trait". also the whole weird thing where they're painfully obsessed with pussy and then painfully obsessed with cock but in an opposite way. also there was one particular post that I thought was kinda funny especially given the post right above it, it was a two hit combo fr. like first there was a post with the stupidest take ive ever seen on it/its pronouns saying that "they have nothing to do with being queer and everything to do with low self esteem". which like. no. lmao. but then the very next post. is even stupider. it's a woman complaining that her sibling is nonbinary and doesn't want to be a woman anymore. and then, that's the funny part, she says the fact that her sibling doesn't want to be a woman makes her feel like they consider her inferior. girl. like I'm sorry but seeing a post saying it/its pronouns are a result of low self esteem and then right after it seeing another one that reads as inferiority complex + the lowest amount of self confidence I've ever seen in a human being. is very funny. to me personally. also why are they so annoying about everything. what are they even talking about. why are they so fucking miserable all the time. do they just. not want to be happy? do they have so much hatred in their little hearts that they have to focus it on a whole ass demographic instead of just on their parents like normal people? (this is a joke, normal people don't hate their parents except for when the parents suck, and if you have to ask, they do. anyways.) I forgot what I was saying and I don't care enough to keep going. I just wanted to point at them and be like wow isn't that fucked up. so we can all collectively go yeah that's fucked up . goodbye.