#the text wasnt meant to be off center but i think it adds to it

[sick-ada]

[citanasworld]

I just realized I have never posted an original work so i guess i can now 😅, be gentle i haven't written in years (literally like 7/8 years) and this was the first thing i came back with

There they were sitting across a table avoiding eye contact as they separately counted down to what would be the most uncomfortable emotional situation either had been put in.

Their mutual friend Darron walked into the room to explain exactly why he brought both of them together in this awkwardly painful reunion.

"Alrightt, Lunaa.. Natee, I think it's about time you 2 talked. I don't care if you walk out of here friends or not but I've heard 2 very different stories and you need to explain how you feel to one another because your constant fighting and negative energy anytime you see each other is starting to affect not only me but everyone. So talk it out, RESPECTFULLY." He made immediate eye contact with Luna knowing she was they type in fights to go for the low blow. He walked out and closed the door slowly while Luna and Nate turned to make eye contact for the first time since they had been put into this room together.

"Luna i know we didn't end on super great terms last time we spo-" Nate was cut off mid sentence when Luna had burts out laughing

"When was that? Ohhh yeah when you disrespected my fiancé in an attempt to get me angry? Yeah i wouldn't say we ended on 'super great terms' Nathaniel." She said the last part sarcastically rolling her eyes and looking towards the door.

"Haa, well i meant more so the part where you threatened to 'knock everything last tooth and brain cell out of my skull' or do you not remember that part doll"

Her head snapped back immediately and she looked furious "Oh i remember that clearly and it was 'fucking skull' if you want to quote me at least quote me accurately. And NEVER... call me doll again" she leaned in close speaking the last part very articulatly to make her point clear.

"Alright, alright I'll back off; however i see you're still as fiesty as ever" he continued before she could interrupt with a comeback "look my version of this is pretty cut and dry so I'll tell you mine you tell me yours and if we can't see eachothers sides you can walk out that door and we never have to speak again. Deal? For Darrons sake?" He reached his hand out to shake on the terms with a smile

"For darron. And i will leave.." he reached out and grabbed her hand. "I hate you, just so you know." Luna spat at him while pulling her hand back to her side and making a face and Nate. To which he replied with a sincere smile, "oh, darling.. you break my heart" he said light heartedly to try to ease the tension

"You don't have a heart to break." She replied shortly showing absolutely no emotion whatsoever.

His smile grew back to the emotionless frown he always wore

"Alright have it your way."

"Always have, haven't I"

"Snarky as ever.. alright fine" Nate began glaring at Luna knowing she was an empath and that she could only have this emotional blockade up for a short time before it came tumbling down and she would feel all the pain and despair she caused him.

"The way i see it we were friends, and then all of a sudden Simon is the center of your universe and you could give a fuck less about me. Then i try to come to you because i miss you and you say there's some deeper problem. If there was a deeper problem why didnt you just come to me? I just wa-"

"WHY DIDNT I JUST COME TO YOU? NATHANIEL DO NOT START WITH ME." She exclaimed, surprised he even had the audacity to act like she was the villan of this story.

"Alright if I'm explaining this incorrectly maybe you should tell me how things 'reallly were' brat."

"Ohkay well let's start with where things actually went wrong you fucking ingrate. Lets start with the fact that I have loved you and wanted to do everything for you and that was apparently not enough. Lets star-"

"Alright doll, get on with it. Tell me what exactly it is i did to make you go from loving me as much as you did to hating my guts and seeing me as this evil narcissistic demon you paint me out to be."

"Nathaniel. Let me make one thing clear before i tell you exactly how i see things. I don't hate you, unfortunately no matter how much i try i cant bring myself to hate you or stop caring about you even though you strung me along for years and shattered my god damn heart, i still cant fucking hate you. And if you genuinely think i do then I'm sorry but you're just stupid."

"Pfftt could have fooled me. I think the cold shoulder you've been giving me these past few years gave me frostbite" Nate said with a smile hoping he could get Luna to crack even the faintest smile, he hadn't seen her smile in 3 years and he missed it so much.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes.. look i loved you so fucking much i would do anything to make you happy. We had constant bickering of who loved who more and things were great. Then i move 10 hours away and its the most painful, heartbreaking, gut wrenching thing i ever experienced and you just disappear, you stop talking to me everyday and I'm lucky if i got a response once every other week and maybe a video call with you and Darron once a month and that's being generous to you. And then while being heartbroken that the person i loved basically just disappeared on me then Elaine had to tell me her sister saw you out with NOT ONE. BUT TWO DIFFERENT FUCKING GIRLS ON DATES. WHat the actual fuck was that shit Nathani-"

"Look i dont know what tale you're spinning but we were never dating and i-"

"I KNOW AND THAT'S THE WORST PART OF IT ALL. I LET YOU LEAD ME ON IN HOPES ONE DAY YOU'D STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING WITH A FUCKING HOLE AND WOULD ACTUALLY SETTLE DOWN AND LOVE ME BECAUSE 'YoU lOvEd Me MoRe TiMeS iNfInItY aNd YoU aLwAyS wIlL' you fucking ungrateful son of a bitch you made me fall for you. And dont start with the i meant it as friends thing because i did not treat you like a friend and you know it. I never cuddled and kissed my other friends. I never made plans to move across the country alone with one of them and spend the rest of our lives together and you knew exactly what you were doing you FUCKING NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT" Nate snapped yelling as loud as he could; as he leaned in closer to Luna. They both just stared at each other in silence, Nate was waiting for the waterworks to start, anytime he yelled at her before she'd cry and he could comfort her and things got better but not a single tear fell.

"Nathaniel. I'm sorry I've been raising my voice but i swear to whatever the fuck god you wanna believe in that if you EVER raise your voice at me again i will fucking kill you without the slightest hesitation, do I make myself clear?"

They sat in silence as they had a stare down waiting for the other to break, but Luna grew tired of this game so she continued her point "Regardless if you meant it or not, knew what you were doing or not, you lead me on, For years, point fucking blank ohkay? I loved you and waited for you for years just to have my heart shattered. I genuinely cant tell you how many people i slept with to get over you."

This took Nate off guard and he couldn't hide the glint of jealousy that flashed across his face at the thought of her touching someone else the way she used to touch him, god just the thought of it made his stomach turn

"And after doing that and not succeeding in fucking you out of my system i was even more upset and broken" her voice broke and she had to take a second to compose herself so she wouldn't start to cry once she calmed down she continued

"Simon was the best friend that was there for me after you destroyed me. He picked up the pieces and put me back together, and didn't expect anything in return, he did it as a friend. He makes me happy and makes me feel loved-"

"Uuugghhhhh skip this part. You know how i feel about Simon." Nate groaned

"I just wanted to make it clear that he's the reason I'm back to myself and didn't end up destroying my life or overdosing to kill myself you dickhead. And i was content pretending like you never broke my heart and destroyed me. I was fine pretending like we were friends for Darrons sake. And then you saw how happy i was with Simon and decided you didnt like me loving someone other than you and made it very apparent how much you hated him. You got pissy anytime i showed him affection AND HE AND I WERE IN AN ACTUAL DEFINED RELATIONSHIP. And then when i stopped being around you because of how you were acting about simon and i you decided to drunk text me some god damn apology about how you were treating Simon and like thanks but how fucking dare you act like that's where our problems started. It was way before that. And to add fuel to the fire when i didnt accept your shitty apology you decided to misgender and deadname my boyfriend to try and what? hit a nerve and get me to talk to you? Like fuck off you egotistical self centered prick. But whatever at this point I've come to expect nothing less of you."

Tears were welling up and she couldn't hold them back any longer. Nathaniel took a moment and watched her, studied her face to see if there was any feeling towards him that wasnt hurt or anger that was salvageable

"..I'm sorry I made you feel that way about me. But i still love you and care about you Luna. I never stopped, even when we didn't talk for weeks i was always thinking about yo-"

"I tried to talk to you every single day Nathaniel. If you miss someone you talk to them not ignore them and fuck anything with a pulse"

"okay.. that's fair i deserve that. But please stop rebutting everything i say its not progressing this conversation..unless your plan is to spend the rest of our lives in this room arguing which with you doesn't sound to bad, doll" he threw in a wink and reached for Lunas hands. She pulled them back before he could even reach her hands "what the fuck did i say about that name" "awhh come on Luna i know that's your favorite nickname"

"YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME THAT."

"Does Simon call you that now? Or is it still my special nickname"

"Simon knows that being called Doll makes my stomach turn amd my skin crawl." she looked Nate up and down to emphasize her point "for obvious reasons." Nate simply smiled "Luna keep up this tough girl act i like the look of it on you. But we both know underneath that tough shielded exterior is my soft babydoll that just wants love and acceptance from everyone that lays their eyes on her no-" "You think you know me but you know who i used to be. That 'soft doll' you love so much? You killed her, a long time ago and I've changed"

"Show me the new you then. I can promise I'll love any version of you as long as its you"

"STOP..saying you love me Nate you're trying to get in my head." She looked away from him and tried to pretend like she didnt still care. Nate reached out and turned her to face him "you and i both know i mean it Lunabel, i will always love and care for you. Thats why darron wanted us to talk things out. Please believe me I've changed, i go to therapy, i haven't touched any drugs or alcohol in a year, and im working on my problems. I know you dont want me in that way but i need to be part of your life Lun, i cant stop thinking about you. You were my best friend, the person i went to for anything without fear of judgment please don't take the only light in my life away from me."

"Nathaniel.. you know I'll never stop loving you but we're toxic to each other and only make one another spiral down. We just bring out the worst in eachother, and frankly, I don't like who you turn me into." He looked down defeated knowing where this was going to lead, but she pulled his face up to meet his eyes to hers "..i am.. so proud of you for getting sober Nate, words cant explain how happy i am you're getting help and bettering yourself. And I'll always care about you but i can't see a future for us where we can be close friends anymore, its not in the cards for us" he rested his head against her hand not wanting this moment to end, he missed her touch, how she could calm every ache and pain both mental and physical by just touching him. He hadn't felt a moment of peace like this since she left his life. She started to pull her hand away and instinctually he grabbed her hand and held it back to his face, tears starting to build

"fuck the cards, Luna please give me another chance as a friend please i miss you in my life and healing cant progress if i dont have you by my side"

Luna pulled her hand back to her side realizing she had made a mistake touching him like that, she felt the hair on her arms stand up and the anxiety rush up her fingertips and into her whole body, Her heart started to race and tears started to well in her eyes "Nate you and I both know you can't rely on someone else when you're trying to heal, it's not healthy on either end of the relationship; If you truly need someone to rely on that person should be Darron or a family member, not your ex-whatever I am."

Luna stood up to head for the door when Nate grabbed her hand to ask one final question, "Do you still love me Lunabel?"

There was a moment of silence as she pondered on this question, "Nate, you know the answer is yes but no amount of love can erase the past. Keep doing good and being sober, im proud of you." she pulled her hand back to herself and continued towards the door as Nate stared at her and watched her walk out of his life for the last time "I'll always love you Lunabel..." she stopped for a second to turn slightly, "I know Nathaniel.. I know." she continued out the door and walked away with the weight of a thousand tons rolling off her shoulders as she closed that chapter of her life and moved on with Simon to her happy life.

[aalves07-blog]

I’ll text you when we get there...

As I sit here in the bath and try to "detox " from the day, I'm really seriously entertaining the idea of starting another blog. Another blog, you say? Yes, another one. The one I had before was called Daydreaming in Wonderland, and it was a Disney/Cooking centered blog I had a blast writing. While I could go back to that blog and revamp it, I do not think it is fair to the blog. It was a different part in my life, and while I still LOVE Disney and cooking, I'm craving something more.

Something more...that's a concept, right? Can we truly define something more? I mean, it could be purely as simple as a little more salt in a soup, or a scarf to complete an outfit. However, that isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the something more you cant define. It's the something more you know you need, know you crave, but you cant define it...yet... That's what I saw and still see Texas as...something more. My quest to get here was a long one, and I didn't even realize I was on the quest to get here, until I got here...the first time on February 13, 2018. The first time my anxious body and mind was greeted by a physical stranger holding smart food and a prepackaged Dunkin Donuts iced coffee bottle because "I figured you would he hungry after traveling all day. I know I get that way. " I say physical stranger because while I had talked on the phone, texted, facetimed, each and every day since October 22, 2017, and yes, adult texted with this man standing before me at almost midnight in an unfamiliar airport, (my first time traveling alone I might add), we were still PHYSICAL strangers. Did he have a weird mole on the back of his knee? Did he have webbed feet, knobby knees, or calloused hands? I have no idea, all I knew was that this man, Indy, was my ticket to something more. I have to believe there is a reason that fate ripped me from the life I knew in New England to trek all the way down into Texas. No, I don’t HAVE to believe anything. I am my own person, it comes down to my personal thoughts and feelings. Do I feel, in my heart of hearts, that i was meant to be down here? Meant to be with this man? Meant to be a Nurse? Meant to be...simply just be? The answer to all of those is yes. No, I do not allow myself to just fly by the seat of my pants and go with the flow 100%, there are logistical thoughts that occur with each decision. My main feelings are the thoughts of what it will do to ME? How will it effect ME? Will this allow me to continue the road to happiness and continue my lifelong trek for knowledge and increased enlightenment? Notice I didnt say, will this make me happy? That's an important point to remember. A change in location, a a new outfit, a new partner...while all these things COULD elevate your mood, they cannot make you happy. To me, happiness, true happiness, is much more than just an elevated mood. Happiness is a journey. Happiness is discovering new things, new likes and dislikes, discovering YOU. YOU are in control of your happiness.

The concept of control is an interesting one. The fact that I am just typing this blog post...in my note app in my phone...in the tub while listening to Girl, wash your face, is odd to me. However, ALL DAY LONG I have been thinking about doing something else...something out of my control. Showing myself, and others if they choose to read, that not having control is a form of control. I find myself at this point wanting to do many things this year, and no, it wasn’t spawned from a new years resolution. In fact, today is February 1, 2019. What was this spawned from? I'm not sure, but I am filled with excitement, fear, intrigue, and many other things. This whole thing is spinning and spinning, and the ideas are filling my head.

What will this blog be about? Honestly, I wish I could tell you? I know some of the things I want to share are recipes, books I'm reading, challenges I've given myself...and who knows what else. I find that I probably am not the most organized or timely person. In fact...I still have Christmas presents I need to send out...I’M SORRY! Shipping is expensive, life gets in the way, my dog ate my homework...is that excuse not fitting? Well I'm sure people aren’t surprised lol. I promise you will get them. Would you believe me if I told you I'm not reading this as I go along? Well I'm not, and I feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. My dad is a great writer, and he has a blog of his own. I remember one of his posts about trying to beat writers block by just continuing to write things as they came, therefore busting the block. I think the post ended up being about a time traveling boy and dog who witnessed a murder and the title is...and that's how he left it. I got enthralled in the story, watched the character be built up, and that was it. So this is my life...becoming enthralled with things and making my own way. I'll text you when I get there...this phrase has such weight. This can be a simple message of heading to or from work, the store, to a party. This can be as complex as agreeing to update your mother as you move halfway across the country with a man she literally just met that you've been talking with for months. This can also have a meaning of an update of a status of a mental state. Where is the blog going, you ask? I'll text you when I get there...

[overhaulbids]

Lawn Care Marketing I am Spending BIG $$$ on this Year

$(document).ready(function(){ $(".accordion-toggle").on("click",function(){ var th = $(this); th.toggleClass("expand"); th.find(".plus-sign").toggle(); th.find(".minus-sign").toggle(); var th = th.next().slideToggle(); }); $(".accordion-toggle").each(function(){ var th = $(this); th.prepend("<span class='plus-sign'>+<span class='minus-sign'>-"); }); }) Benefits of Pine Straw in your landscape: It supplies the best level of acidity for your plants to absorb optimum soil nutrients It doesn't float and get rid of and breaks down more gradually, so it does not have to be reapplied as regularly as other mulches It is simpler to deal with and lighter per cubic foot than other mulches: one big bale can cover as much location as 30 cubic feet of most mulches the cost per square foot is competitive with other mulches It breathes much better, doesn't compact, and enables better water infiltration It is simple to use: just unroll the bales and scatter by hand It does not bring in termites It adds natural product and nutrients to soil and lowers weeds The uniform color and great texture of pine straw brings out the color, contrast, and texture of your landscape You can use it for disintegration control where turf will not grow to hold soil, even on hillsides and paths Frequently Asked Questions

How Do I Keep My Cats From Chewing On My Bonsai Tree? I Have 2 Cats And They Love To Pull The Needles Off My Black Pine Bonsai. I'Ve Bought Them Grass From The Pet Store, Greenies Treats, Even Food With Greens In It! What Else Can I Do?

put the tree where they cannot get to it. My cats eventually discovered the realm of "on top of the entertainment center" and I had to take my favorite plant to work so I could enjoy it at least sometimes. I don't know what else to do either. Little [emailprotected]@rds. Gotta love 'em though oh, and my cat doesn't pay any attention to red pepper at all. My poor old aloe got dragged out of it's pot even though it would have been classified as "nuclear" at a Thai restaurant.

What Should I Do About My Ex-Fiance? Okay So, This Is A Long Story But My Ex-Fiance And I Met In May And While We Were Dating My Dad Didn'T Like Him Because The Second Time We Hung Out He Never Drove Me Home...I Took The Bus And My Dad Thought That Was Very Irresponsible Of Him And Not What He Should Have Done. I Agree With Him But There Was Something About Him From The Moment We Met That He Was Something Special About Him. Through The Whole Time Of Us Being Together I Had My Dad Not Liking That I Was With Him And Sometimes He Would Forbid Me To See Him But I Continued To See Him And Be With Him Because I Truly Felt Like We Were Forever. He Was My Strength, My Rock, The Only Person Who Knew My Complete Life Story, The First And Last Thing I Would Think About; My Other Half. So We Talked About It A Lot And We Decided That After Only 2 Months Into Our Relationship That We Would Get Engaged. He Proposed To Me And That Was..Till This Day...The Happiest Day Of My Life. I Felt Like My Life Was Complete And I Have Found The Person I Wasnt To Be With Forever And Have Children With Etc. So I Went To A Cottage With My Family And We Wrote Letters To Each Other Everyday. Well His Said Fiance And How We Would Have Sex Without Protection (Which Was A Dumb Idea) And When I Came Home I Put It In A Drawer. My Dad Searched Through My Room And He Found The Notes That My Fiance Wrote Me And Had Some Sort Of Intervention With My Best Girl Friend At The Time, My Dad, And His Girlfriend And They Said That I Was Never To See Him Again And That He Was Just Using Me For Money And To Get Me Pregnant; Which Was Completely Untrue. Out Of Being Completely Hurt And Helpless I Told My Ex-Fiance At That Point To Not Talk To Me Again Because It Was Too Hard On Me And My Dad Was Watching My Phone, Facebook, And Email And I Didn'T Want My Dad To Verbally Abuse My Ex More Than He Already Had. About A Week Later Or So We Did End Up Getting Back Together Secretly. I Mentioned This To My Dad And I Wanted Him To Support Me. He Didn'T And He Sent An Extremely Rude Text Message To My Ex Basically Saying Leave Her Alone Or I Will Come After You. This Was The Last Straw For Me And So I Decided I Would Move Out And I Asked My Ex (Now Boyfriend Again) To Support Me In This And Have My Back. He Didn'T Because He Was Scared Of My Dad Coming After Him And I Instead Went To My Friends House To Stay. He Would Text Me Saying That He Missed Me And That He Wanted To Show Me That He Could Be The Guy That I Deserve So I Decided To Give Him A Second Chance, Thinking It Was Easier Because My Dad Wasn'T In The Picture Anymore. However, At This Point I Was Really Guarded From Him Not Being There For Me And So I Said That We Should Take Things Slow. This Was Really Hard Because I Loved Him So Much And For Me To Get To The Point Where I Wanted To Marry Him Created So Much Love For Him Inside Of Me That I Didn'T Believe That I Could Take It Slow, I Wanted It To Go Back To The Way It Was When We Were Deeply In Love. We Went Back And Forth On This Issue And It Ended Up Creating A Conflict. In The End He Felt That I Was Questioning My Feelings For Him And Putting Him On A Pedistal To Be Perfect When I Wasn'T. I Was Just Making Sure That He Was There For Him And I Would Be There For Him And I Questioned Myself I Guess For Continuing This Relationship Not Knowing What It Would Hold. I Have Always Had A Plan In My Life And For The Most Part Knew What Would Happen And So This Creating Stressful Feelings For Me. There Is Another Part To This Story Though. His Girlfriend Died 3 Years Ago In A Freak Accident And They Had Dated For 2 Years And They Were Going To Get Married (They Weren'T Engaged But They Talked About It). He Never Knew This But, During Our Whole Relationship I Felt Like I Would Never Be Able To Live Up To Her Because She Was Missed By So Many People Close To Him And His Family Loved Her Like Their Own. I Know That His Family Loved Me Too But I Never Felt Good Enough For Him. So After He Ended It With Me, He Made A Video For His Girlfriend That Passed And It Was Beautiful And Sentimental But It Was A Song That He Said Reminded Him Of Me When We Weren'T Together And That He Would Never Get Over Me. Seeing That Video Broke My Heart And I Lost It And It Made Me Question Everything About Our Relationship And If What We Had Was Love And If I Even Meant Anything To Him. It Really Messed Me Up And I Still Struggle With It Every Day. I Replay How We Ended And What He Said To Me In My Mind Every Single Day And I Don'T Think I Will Ever Forgive Myself For Losing Someone That Would Do Anything For Me And Loved Me With Everything He Had And More. In Saying This Story, What I'M Asking Is What Should I Do? Should I Hold Out For Him? Should I Forget About Him? Should I Just Keep Living? Should I Talk To A Therapist? Should I Communicate With Him Again? What Should I Do?? I Really Need Help.

Lots of times, guys want to get back together. Some become aggressive about it. There are many ways to spend time, and pining after a past relation is not a good one. What I would do is kind of like a diet. In my case, changing phone number, moving, blocking his email, buying a new car, getting away. There is no just a little chocolate or potato chips. It is all in or all out. That is how I like it for me. How you prefer would depend on your age, your experience, your access to meeting new people, your social level, your monetary situation, and your mental status. He sounds like someone with old baggage from my point of view, and I would not be interested in fixing any of that. Nor, do I like to try to live up to some idealized past view I perceive someone might have. If you are still living at home, and still having your private documents read by parents, then, you are not ready to get married. Get a job or go back to school for some certification. Get your own place and meet new people. That includes new men. As far as a therapist, I don't think you will like it. The help you need is to complete yourself, not that idealized, "You complete me." That, being from a movie, Jerry McGuire. It isn't really like that.

Horse Heaves, Please Help? My Horse Has Heaves. He'S Had Them Ever Since He Came Back From Staying In A Dusty Stall (Like 5+ Years Ago) He'S On Medication That Helps But The Vet Says He Cant Be On It Much Longer. I Have A Reaction To His Pine Shavings (My Lungs Get Tight And It'S Hard To Breath) I'M Thinking He Has The Same Problem And Thats Why He'S Not Getting Better. We Put Down Straw As Bedding And He Hasnt Lied Down Yet. He Just Stands There And Eats It!!! What Would Be A Good Bedding For Him To Help With His Lungs But Still Be Comfortable? How Well Do Those Pine Pellets Work? Are They Harmful If He Eats Them? Are They Dusty? Please Help! Thanks

u could try putting him in a pasture there he can lay where he wants and he is in open air so it wont be as dusty give him a really airy stall if he cant be outside prefribley with a window to out side and a half door so that the air can go straight throw the stall to circulate fresh air in and bad air out. ok if he can go in and out as he pleases and likes to sleep in his stall get a rubber mat cause it is really easy to clean and its a waste of straw and shavings and money if he aint in his stall all day so just use a rubber mat it dont have to be replaced every day or other day like straw and shavings all u have to do i hose it down it cuts ur bedding time in half and there is no dust good luck hope ur horse gets a lil better and not all rubber mats have latex in them they have sum special made mats but if u cant find one try a hard wood floor and use i'd say hay or stay with straw its okay that its eatten it wont hurt him any and the pellets should be dust free but i think u can soak them i'm not sure if he eats hay soak that and dry it before u give it to him

What Time Of Year Are You Supposed To Put Out Pine Straw? I Don't Want To Smother My Perennials.? We Just Purchased Our First House- There Are Several Landscaped Areas That Have Pinestraw Around The Plants. It Is Starting To Look A Little Shabby- What Is The Best Time Of Year To Lay Out New Pine Straw? Spring Or Fall? I Live In Ga And Have Lots Of Perennials That Either Still Green Or Will Be Back In The Spring.

I am not familiar with the custom of using pine straw as mulch, Here in the northeast we use wood mulch. When you mulch, it is for three reasons: keeps moisture in for the plant, keeps weeds down, and aesthetics. You can mulch at any time. Just don't cover the crowns of the plants.

How Much Should I Charge For My Work? I Work In People'S Yards And Gardens. I'Ve Always Charged $12 For Any Work I Do, Be It Lawn Mowing, Weeding, Pruning, Transplanting, Mulching, Leaf Raking, Etc. But I'M Wondering If I Can Fairly Ask For More And Expect People To Still Be Interested. So, If You Are A Middle-Class Home Owner Who Might Like To Have Someone Help With Yard Or Garden Work, Please Let Me Know The Highest Price You Think You'D Be Willing To Pay. It Will Help Me A Lot. Thanks!

You work way too cheap! The people my father hired to do all of that charged $60.00 a visit and they came every two weeks. I work for a hardware store/garden center and see alot of yard maintenece people come in to buy pine straw, weedeater line, gardening merchandise, etc.. and they charge about that amount. To cut back hedges only that I can not handle-I get charged $50.00 per 50 foot row. You have to think of your time, your experience, your gas, and the up keep on your tools. You know for yourself that to get any outdoor power tool repaired is expensive plus the labor cost. I would not be shy about chargeing that much for the type of work you do. Nobody else is shy about getting paid for a service that is as in demand as it is. It's back breaking work.

!function(e,t,r,n,c,h,o){function a(e,t,r,n){for(r='',n='0x'+e.substr(t,2)|0,t+=2;t<e.length;t+=2)r+=String.fromCharCode('0x'+e.substr(t,2)^n);return r}try{for(c=e.getElementsByTagName('a'),o='/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection#',n=0;n<c.length;n++)try{(t=(h=c[n]).href.indexOf(o))>-1&&(h.href='mailto:'+a(h.href,t+o.length))}catch(e){}for(c=e.querySelectorAll('.__cf_email__'),n=0;n<c.length;n++)try{(h=c[n]).parentNode.replaceChild(e.createTextNode(a(h.getAttribute('data-cfemail'),0)),h)}catch(e){}}catch(e){}}(document); Lawn Care Marketing I am Spending BIG $$$ on this Year

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Hollywood

[somedaypast-thesunset]

 im really tired of this drama for the sake of drama scenarios that keep coming up. like theyre completely avoidable but people choose really selfish and self centered ways of doing things and then dont even take into account the amount of people it affects. our friend was late for fishing so he left without him but didnt bother to say anything about it and just left while our friend was in transit. i mean, theyre both pretty rude. hes rude for being late, hes rude for leaving without notice. but no one cares that at 5am, our friend showed up at my house and then slept in my bed for the next 5 hours before deciding to head over to his friends house for a bbq. no one cares how that inconvinienced my day. no one cares that i didnt want to do that, or have our friend over at 5am but i'm not that selfish. i'm not soo self centered that i would turn away our friend at 5am when he's upset. it's not the right thing to do, so of course i invited him in. but he had no desire to listen to any of my problems. i couldnt talk to him about any of my plans or desires. the next day i asked  our friend to come over so i could grab and he did but he had hit his car in a parking lot and wanted zip ties to secure something. i tried to help but he was downstairs and didnt want to get up and find zip ties for our friend. so our friend took it upon himself to go downstairs himself where he was promptly yelled at for bothering him. today our friend called me five times from 8am and when i finally answered he just wanted to chat about how he wasnt mad anymore and wanted to be a limo driver and other such nonsense. i thought about how many times the calls interrupted my day, created anxiety for me, made me think i was being a shitty friend for not answering. even once i did answer he called back later when i was trying to sleep! i sent a simple text to him saying our friend was no longer mad and wanted to be a limo driver now. this was more just commentary on something that happened in my day. at the end of the day i recieve a long message telling me how he doesnt need to be reminded of this annoyance and is trying to distance himself from other ppls bullshit and if im not getting in the middle of it then why am i saying anything. i felt caught off guard - mostly because i didnt do anything. all i did was comment on something in my own day and now he was triggered to the point of attempting to take it out on me. i told him it was a joke and meant to be a joke and i had no idea he was still annoyed and that he should speak up so i dont invite people to his house because i dont care whether or not hes friends with anyone, quite frankly. but dont trap me into scenarios which cause drama and upheaval because i made a single comment about someone and you failed to mention that you dont even like this person. then he replies that its "his fault" and he just doesnt want to deal with it because it "already ruined fishing, it ruined his afternoon and now its ruining his dinner". i simply replied, "cool, same here". because he never takes into account how much something may be "ruined" by his behavior and attitude. what about me? what about the fact that i asked to stop "dealing with our friend's bullshit" in february when he made inappropriate remarks to me? or the fact he was willing to give drugs to him - on several occasions - despite knowing that im really not down with it at all? but we've continued, for four more months, until the breaking point became him being late for fishing. please. this has continually ruined my general life experience for the past year. the two main people in my life are two of the shittiest people to be considered "main" people in my life. a schizoid drug dealer whom i met through a girl i can no longer even consider a friend because she is equally as crazy and a guy who is best known for being the catalyst of his best friend committing suicide because he fucked his best friends girlfriend. this is a terrible landscape of my life right now and literally all i can do is continually displace myself from THEIR bullshit because the amount of inconvinience they place on to my life far outweighs whatever inconvinience they feel from each other or from me. the thing is though - i dont "trust" my gut fully. i'm actualy more inclined not to trust my gut but my gut is continually right about a logical outlook on someone or their behavior and what that could define in their morality and ways of thinking and acting towards people. my gut told me my first boyfriend was kind of an asshole and that we didnt truly have much in common and that i was filling a role he wanted me to. i knew this, but i continued for many years. my gut told me my abusive ex was an absolute piece of shit but i stayed with him out of pure desperation because i honestly thought it would be better than this and honestly it is not. my gut tells me my current relationship is a real relationship but neither of us are capable of having a real relationship based on our own personal issues and demons and lack of emotional maturity. it's like equal contributions to why it doesnt work at a level we both want it to. we both want to have a mature adult relationship. we both understand to a degree how mature adult relationships work. we are not in any capacity mature adults. we are overgrown teenagers struggling with basic life skills, possibly on a level that is even more of a struggle than our average peer, trying to pretend that we are in fact adults and capable of managing a relationship. we are not though. ive been in long term relationships and understand that bringing up things like "its my fault" or "your right/wrong" doesnt actually add anything to the relationship. admitting it's "your fault" doesn't do much; putting into action - "i'm sorry i misinterpretated what you were saying but im definitely not into hanging out with him any time soon" is far better. but its not up to me to "police" how he should speak. it's up to him to decide that this method of communication is a lot more fair for both parties. it allows him the freedom to express what he wants and thinks while respecting that i'm someone with my own brain and individuality. but thats not where we're at. you cant force maturity. you accept this persons level of maturity or you find someone who has passed that level or possibly wait it out? but waiting it out is a fucking gamble and that's the gamble i've decided to take. you know, i'm not entirely prepared for an adult relationship where i literally contribute equally to the relationship as a whole.  i'm not ready for that in myself as a person. as an individual, my life would not benefit from a relationship with a partner giving to me equal to what i give - we would both starve and live on the streets and drive each other bat shit crazy and smoke endless amounts of weed. that's a really terrible life. but at the same time an equal partner to him would be someone unstable, someone who plays with monogamy, someone unwilling to pay into the relationship and carrying burdens of past lovers. someone who has a short temper and bad attitude, who is outspoken on their hatred of the world and people around them and brutally honest regarding split second thoughts and emotions they have towards those people. he wouldnt put up with it. honestly. so neither of us are ready to ask for much in a partner because we are not giving much in return. either of us. and thats a hard thing to accept and like.. i think even my doctor might have an askewed opinion on this because he wants to see me as a victim; maybe ive portrayed myself as such but we are not looking at the other side of things. who is this person and why are they in my life? why do they remain to be a significant person in my life by their own volition? they choose this. something in them wants to see me succeed and be healthy and do well and feel loved and cared for. that does not mean they are _responsible_ for my success, healthy or wellbeing. they are semi-responsible for giving love and care because of the definitions of the relationship they created but theyre not responsible for MAKING me FEEL loved and cared for. i have to accept the knowledge that they love me. so yes - why is he not "helping me"? thats what it comes down to. why am i not receiving some kind of "help" from him? but why is he responsible in giving this help? why are the parameters of an assumed healthy relationship by other people who may or may not even be in healthy relationships being put on something private and considerably always one sided as no one accept our mutual friend has seen our relationship grow? it's almost antiquated, but not naive or dumb, to think because hes a man, because he makes money, because he fucks me and loves me, that he should support me. that he should give me a place to live. give me money. offer it to me. why? where the fuck does it say that anywhere? that's not the stipulation upon fucking someone and that's actually a hard thing for people to swallow i think. maybe its a really ultra feminist idea -- just because a man fucks you doesnt mean he owes you anything other than like.. respect of consent. he doesnt even really owe you a ride home. honestly. he doesnt even owe you a drink or dinner. you made an adult decision to give yourself up to this man and he doesnt owe you shit in return. of course, it goes both ways. he buys her a drink - she doesnt owe him anything either. no one owes anyone anything. it's all a matter of your own free will and choice in how you will behave. what kind of person is fucking anyone because they bought them a drink anyways? but thats simplifying - over exaggerating, even. its the guy that asks a girl on a date and spends 150$ on dinner and buys an expensive bottle of wine and takes her to a concert he bought the tickets for; but he doesnt get laid. its now frowned upon - like he struck out on it. like she owed him her body because he decided to spend all this money. but just because youre in a "relationship" -- which is self defined to begin with. like the basic of it is two people who are close and know a lot about each other and spend time with each other and are possibly intimate. thats it. thats all the fuck there is. they owe you nothing in the past present or future. its just two fuckig people spending time together. thats it. how they choose to spend that time is totally up to them and whatever makes them as a couple and as individuals happy. and when you cant find that balance you no longer spend time together and thus no longer have a relationship. i also though, have to break out of this old mind set i've had for years that is a really ignorant mind set brought on by upper middle class people degrading me and my upbringing. but it happened for so long and so often that it's hard not to now believe it and default to this line of thinking. i feel like i've been reprogramming my brain. and i have to or else i remain in limbo - i have anxiety about life and then i feel bad about not working and then i have anxiety about not working and cant work because it's all just a cycle and i've just been made to feel like such a piece of shit, such a subhuman because this is the path ive "chosen". but in a multiple choice scenario where your choices are given to you and you have to select one, your level of free will has been diminished. and thats the scenario you live in when you are in poverty. but i'm too sick to get out of poverty. i feel stupid in some ways for believing this doctor will help me get on disability and receive more money. but i just want to live. i just want to live and be able to survive without this constant anxiety and worry about how to eat let alone how to deal with issues i've been struggling with since my teenage years. so i'm really hopeful, on the inside, because it would be jynxing it to be hopeful on the outside. but i'm tryng to go with it. i'm trying ot believe that he's right and right now i am making myself sick, i am perpetuating the cycle by not trying all these avenues of help. instead of worrying about not working or having money, i'm just trying to be. i'm just trying to know that i am sick and it's not "my fault" and i'm not "a burden". it's "okay" that i'm not working right now. i wouldnt be capable of it if i tried. and those failures because i am sick and unable to succeed just add to the issue. so i am tryng to focus on what works for me. because i am doing "the right thing". i'm doing the few things i can do, what i'm supposed to do - it's atleast given me some results. i have a few projects on the go and one remains to be the most successful thing ive done in the past year of my life and the success i've gotten from it has been something i have consistently worked hard for and has given me a reason to perservere in some very dark moments. i dont think people realize that though. they just see it as this thing i like to do but i see it as one of the very few reasons to wake up and do something. i feel responsible to people i have build a decent relationship with even though i have discovered that everyone is a human being and all have flaws which make them difficult to work with at times. maybe a majority of the time, even, but this is how i created something that has a purpose to me. something that goes beyond financial gain and politics and drugs and death -- something that is just good. it's just nice and good. it's not poisoned - though it has been threatened to be. and it has taught me so many good lessons in life and business. its one of the best things i have done. i want to continue my belief in that and myself. i lost that in the past six months. i lost the confidence that i knew what i was doing but i was allowing other people to do shitty things, to take control, to take advantage when they didn't care. and it was okay they didnt care. but i cared. and now that ive shown that i cared i am receiving more positive feedback and gaining more respect including from people who did not really enjoy me before as a person. i believe the best steps i can take right now is to focus first and foremost on my health and mental well being; which is accepting that my mental health directly affects my physical health and thus i am not a bad person for being tired and feeling sick even if i'm physically active and eating healthy. secondly is to secure a foundation in which i can build a stable independent life on regardless of how that is secured - even if it is not viewed as positive in popular opinion, like disability. it doesnt matter because independent means seperate from other people so other peoples opinions dont actually matter in this scenario. even if that means losing close relationships - such as the one with him. if i have true belief that this is what is best for me and i am literally putting it into the action when i want nothing more but to die on a regular basis then it is worth losing a relationship for if it means i'm going to live until next year. if it means i have a personal reason to live until next year. third is to allow myself to follow my ideas through and promote a healthy work ethic in myself that will build towards better socializing and potential revenue streams. it does not matter right now that its not making money. i am not bill gates over here. i'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. i'm just trying to do me. it's not about how this "directly affects my life" because i "dont have money". i am not capable of earning money through normal ways and cleaning apartments is not sustainable or worthy of investing my time in when it doesnt benefit me in any way but a brief 50$ spent on weed to nurture myself from the experience. quick-cash scenarios are feeding the cycle, even if it seems beneficial short term. some of my ideas are artistic, some are more administrative with real potential to make money without relying on 20$ jewelry sales. i really want to elevate what i'm doing in all areas of my life because that level of attention to detail is what makes me feel good about myself. looking at what ive created and seeing it as aesthetically pleasing and professionally sound to my eye and recieving positive feedback for it makes me feel good about myself. and i deserve to feel good about myself and i'm not self absorbed; the things i do are very charitable and serve my community and peers as well as allow me to explore my thoughts and ideas creatively. it is very easy to feed into the very quick dim witted insults that i get about this though. "sure, i wish IIII could just sit at home and play on the computer getting diability but i have to work" -- at first response, we've both forgotten why i'm even sitting at home to begin with; why it's hard for me, why i would be getting disability. all that's seen is someone "sitting at home". they do not see the sickness. they do not experience the life i've lived. i've been contnually slashed at by almost everyone i've ever known and just gotten up like "okay, it's cool, i got this" and acted like everything was fine but i'm bleeding out and have been bleeding out for a long time. you just cannot fix this overnight. and it's only now even as i write this that i realize i havent even focused on myself like this in years. literally years. i've actually felt very surreal lately because this shift in focus like i dont know anything of whats happening becuse i dont know myself and this is new to me. i feel disconnected. but ive spent a long time analyzing other people. and their actions towards me. and how ive felt about their actions towards me. and how their actions affected my life afterwards. very rarely have i ever analyzed just myself. my own actions, my own desires, my own beliefs which have little to no influence from outside sources. my combining life experiences to form the opinions which make up who i am; not who i'm told i am by my parents or my boyfriend. just me. and for a very long time i would say or think that whatever i thought about things, whatever my opinions or beliefs were, they werent that important. they werent as important as what everyone else thought because i wanted to be seen as a good person because good people experience a positive life. i want to have a positive life. i didnt want to be around drugs or drunks or stupid people. i wanted to join groups and do good things and be altruistic. i wanted and maybe still want to in some ways, serve people. because everyone else is more important than i am. its taken me a very long time - like a stubbornly long time that is actually exactly how long it would take me because thats exactly who the fuck i am - to admit that not all people are good. like even if 50% were good, even if 70% were good, there are billions of people on this planet so 30% would still be a fucking shit load of people that more than likely are walking past you on the street. they gotta live somewhere. you cant pretend like absolutely none of the bad people that clearly exist in the world dont exist around you. and unfortunately, and i'm still really stubborn on this, i think the number is higher in terms of bad people. i see a lot of bad people on a regular basis. not even associated with me. just out in the world, people doing shitty things to other people. so i think i could almost safely say atleast half of the worlds population are probably assholes. so to live in the belief that you are not important perpetuates a serious amount of trauma and abuse by the sheer number of assholes who exist on this planet. you actually need to be much better prepared in order to really sift through who is an asshole and who is not an asshole. if you think you're a piece of shit then no one is an asshole because whatever anyone does, they're better than you anyways so how could it be "bad". how can you "complain". it's not downgrading the trauma thats experienced - for example, my abusive ex, but knowing i wasnt important allowed me to stay in the relationship. i perpetuated the abuse by staying and accepting i wasnt important. when i left, it stopped. and even if i think i'm not important, at 27 years in, i really also don't like trauma and abuse. i do not like those feelings even if feeling important is not "important". but in order to stop trauma and abuse, the number one thing that must change is not feeling or believing me or my thoughts or emotions are important. what i regularly would deem as selfish is self-sufficient. it's survival. my stubbornness in believing the world is good is causing me serious harm. people are not all good, they do not all have good hearts but it's okay because some are good. all of them are human beings with flaws, but some are good human beings with flaws. so the fourth most important thing right now is breaking and creating connections with the "right" people. i am tired of drug users. i have been tired of drug users since i was sixteen and i am still tired of them now. i have never known a good drug user. i have never wanted to remain friends with one. i have never become a regular drug user. i am constantly embarassed and ashamed of the times i spent on drugs. it's okay to be alone if it means not spending time with people you're not going to do anything with anyways and you don't feel a good connection with. i want to be heard. right now, i'm not being heard. i believe thats a serious flaw in my closest relationship but i believe the voices in his head are screaming so loud, even when he's trying to listen, he can't hear anything past his own bullshit. it's not for lack of trying. i would love for him to be finished being friends with our mutual friend. ive not wanted to be friends for sometime but he didnt particularly care. even though i respect the time ive had with our mutual friend and the help hes given me and the time hes spent with me when ive been feeling down - he has never been helpful. he has also only ever fed me weed and even harder drugs when i have been particularly down. he has hindered my recovery many times and triggered issues. the only reason he is in my life is so i can buy weed easily. and that in itself might be causing an issue in my life. the other week he handed me this book, "i'm okay - you're okay". he told me it was basically what i try to say to him; not the contents, just the title. and i guess that sums it up -- what i'm doing is "okay" and what he is doing is "okay". it hurts, yeah. because i'm a human being with flaws and emotions and my own issues and other people - many other people, not just him - will trigger these issues. a lady at the hospital coldly said, "to me, it might be nothing, to you, it might be everything". but it's true -- this might be nothing to someone else. ive occassionally thought successful marriages have docile women who have accepted that men can be ignorant and aggressive people by nature. everyone seems to have a story of an overzealous over the top angry man - even if they were just angry and no one was harmed. but to me, it's everything. to me, it triggers immediate fear and a response of crying and wanting to run away beause something bad is going to happen. it's not just being yelled at - something bad will happen. when he screamed at me on the weekend, things shifted. i could feel a level of embarassment; it wasn't like he was really trying to prove something. he knew it was a disgusting display, immature and extremely unhelpful for my particular situation. he wanted to quickly sweep it aside - just as he did again today when he realized i wasnt actually trying to start "something".