#the tv series is retconned from the movie with a lot of extra footage

[waitmyturtles]

I'm gonna need to buy extra pairs of flip-flops to hurl at GMMTV after today. WTF.

[olderthannetfic]

Miami Vice episode suggestions

I was chatting with someone a few days ago about which Miami Vice episodes really cover that sense of the self being subsumed into the undercover role...

Yes, yes, I know: the answer is ALL OF THEM.

But for someone who doesn’t want to watch five seasons of TV just to write Miami Vice fusion fanfic for another series, here are my suggestions. These use Wikipedia’s episode numbering.

1.01-2 - Brother’s Keeper - The pilot includes the iconic Something in the Air Tonight scene and is basically the only time we find out that Tubbs is super inexperienced and just got there through sheer moxie. I love Tubbs. All things related to Tubbs are the Most Important Episode. (More relevantly, this is also an episode about dirty cops and identity.)

1.03 - Heart of Darkness - The dad from Married with Children is an undercover agent losing his mind. A strong and literally textual There But For the Grace of God At Least Until Sweeps Week moral for Crockett.

1.05-6 - Calderone’s Return - C&T leave the country despite being city cops to do a spot of extrajudicial killing. They take their shirts off, making this a Very Important Episode. Also, there’s undercover romance stuff.

1.07 - One Eyed Jack - Crockett’s old flame is in deep with loan sharks. The new boss played by Edward James “has had the same death glare since the 80s” Olmos shows up. So does that guy who was every gay dude’s sexual awakening in the 70s. “Little Joe never once gave it away,” as Lou Reed sang. (YES, I AM SUPER OBSESSED WITH JOE DALLESANDRO.) Internal affairs is bad like on all cop shows. Crockett gets framed. Ye olde fandom starts shipping Crockett/Castillo. I start shipping Castillo/Tubbs.

1.14-15 - Golden Triangle - Crockett and Tubbs go undercover as pimps with the help of a feisty hooker who is one of my favorite one-off characters, but what seemed like a small case leads to mysteries from Castillo’s past.

1.16 - Smuggler’s Blues - A famously atmospheric episode where C&T fly to Colombia posing as drug dealers in a mission to uncover dirty law enforcement. This is the episode the reboot movie’s plot is based on. Without credit to Miguel Piñero, I might add.

1.22 - Evan - The Gay Episode™. Makes absolutely everyone look like a gigantic closet case, and the bury your gays happened years before the actual episode, but less offensive than you might expect.

2.01-2 - The Prodigal Son - C&T go to NYC where Tubbs is from. Possibly the most iconic montage of The City As Character in the whole city literally to You Belong to the City as Crockett angstily realizes Tubbs is staying in NYC with his old flame.  Spoiler: Tubbs is absolutely not staying with Valarie. TBH, I would totally pick Pam Grier over Don Johnson, but buddy cops, man...

2.09 - Bushido - Peak 80s weeaboo. Castillo kills AK47-weilding KGB agents with a katana. No, seriously.

2.16 - Little Miss Dangerous - My favorite hair metal lady stars as a fucked up prostitute who murders her johns because of childhood trauma or something. Features Tubbs being traumatized hotly. Err, I mean, a very serious episode that I like for deep and serious reasons.

2.18 - French Twist - The most inexplicable set design in all of Miami Vice history. I am not kidding. You will know it when you see it. Also good for showing Tubbs’ paranoia and Crockett’s doomed love life.

3.04 - Walk-Alone - Tubbs goes undercover in prison. No, I have no excuse for this rec except that Castillo going after him is super hot.

3.06 - Shadow in the Dark - Ripped from the headlines serial killer stuff where Crockett goes too far inside the mind of his quarry.

3.10 - Streetwise - Bill Paxton is a cop who destroys his life trying to save the prostitute he’s having an affair with. Wesley Snipes is also in this. (Yes, absolutely everyone guest starred on MV.) Peak nihilistic The Job Destroys You fare.

3.15 - Duty and Honor/The Savage - Castillo’s past comes back to haunt him again. Includes some stuff about trying to do the honorable thing while being on opposite sides.

3.19 - Red Tape - Viggo Mortensen and Lou Diamond Phillips are ill-fated cops. Tubbs goes undercover as evil.

4.03 - Death and the Lady - C&T investigate an artsy snuff film. Pure 80s aesthetic nonsense. I love it.

4.06 - God’s Work - Interesting episode that turns out to be about AIDS. Lots of Castillo in this one.

4.22, 5.01-2 - The “Burnett arc” - The series’ most iconic arc where Sonny Crockett gets amnesia and believes he is his undercover role, Sonny Burnett. He takes over the Florida underworld while Tubbs refuses to believe in his apparent death and searches for him. 4.21 is Crockett losing his wife and engaging in a spot of extrajudicial killing, but the arc really kicks off in 4.22.

5.05 - Borrasca - The CIA wants Vice to leave a murderous drug dealer alone for bullshit CIA reasons. A must-watch for what it implies at the end of the episode--a secret that now ties Tubbs and Castillo together, but not Crockett.

5.13 - The Cell Within - A dude Tubbs arrested in NYC (a total retcon of the pilot where he’s basically a traffic cop) has become a bestselling author, dedicated his book to Tubbs, and invited him to dinner. Too bad the actor playing him isn’t hotter, but this is peak bad fanfic plot where the villain kidnaps our fave and gives him the Let’s Rule the World Together speech while locking him in a cell. Tubbs is just that hot, I guess. Kudos for the scene where the dude makes Tubbs watch BDSM porn with him to demonstrate how the world is Full Of Sin. (Extra kudos for it just being footage of an episode from season 1.)

5.15 - Over the Line - I don’t even remember this one, but it’s about vigilante cops fed up with the system.

5.16 - Victims of Circumstance - Crockett has to go undercover as a white supremacist. A little hokey but worth watching if you’re interested in undercover bullshit on this show.

5.17 - Freefall - The actual last episode, full of nihilism and disillusionment with the system.

Or for a shorter list, try the pilot, the Burnett arc, and the finale.

[atamascolily]

further thoughts on terminator 2

This movie is so interesting to me: it's sequel, foil, retcon, and remake of T1, all wrapped up in one. Yet it also stands reasonably well on its own. I think you could watch this and still follow the plot without having seen the first one.

I say "remake," because there's really only one Terminator plot: "A cyborg from the future is trying to kill you for Reasons; good thing you have some help!" T2 is basically the same story as T1, with John instead of Sarah as the protagonist, and with a new antagonist and guardian.

T2 is able to get away with this by deliberately referencing the first movie, playing with audience expectations, and by shifting the genre from horror to action. As a result, T2 looks and feels very different, even though the plot is essentially the same.

T1 (horror): '80s; bloody; scary; everyone except Sarah and Silbermann die; resigned and sad ending. T2 (action): '90s; shockingly little blood; tense; only a handful of characters die, and many of those are off-screened/not shown directly; hopeful and moving ending.

While I like T2 a lot, T1 is my favorite of the two, despite the fact that I am not a fan of horror, blood, or massive amounts of violence. In addition to having way more Michael Biehn, T1 is shockingly more feminist than T2, despite Sarah's incredible arm muscles.

[Basically, I want an entire movie filmed like that one dream sequence in T2, in which Sarah is continually haunted by/arguing/making out with Kyle's ghost. I'm just saying... MISSED OPPORTUNITIES HERE, PEOPLE!]

I haven't seen the other Terminator movies, but it's telling to me that James Cameron didn't want to be involved with a third movie, saying that he felt like he'd told the story he wanted to tell and move on to different projects. Based on the plot summaries of the subsequent results--T3, Salvation and Genisys--I think the writers got stuck on how to make their versions as engaging and interesting as the first two and/or didn't understand what makes the first two movies work.

In addition to the old "how do you make the same plot look interesting the xth time around?," there's the question of characters. Schwarzenegger is only one half of what makes the Terminator movies so iconic. The other half is Sarah Connor. I think people get confused and believe the movies are really about John, but John isn't what makes the movies great, even though he's the protagonist of T2 and the ostensible Chosen One.

John is interesting as an idea/plot device/symbol, but none of the film portrayals of him as an adult have really had a big cultural impact, which suggest to me that HE's not really why we're here. Sarah is. Why else would the TV show be "The Sarah Connor Chronicles"??

According to Wikipedia, Linda Hamilton turned down a role in T3 because the writers were going to kill Sarah off halfway through the film, with no time for the other characters to mourn, and she felt she was disposable, so she said no--which she was right to do. And right there, that movie was doomed, because they missed the point of what the first two movies were actually about, and couldn't offer anything better in its stead.

Likewise, Terminator: Salvation has no Cameron, no Hamilton, and no Schwarzenegger--and nothing else to fill the gaps to explain why we should care.

Genisys is interesting, because it's clear that the writers realized they had to get Sarah Connor back in somehow. So their solution was to combine the plot of the first movie with the Terminator guardian and updated, action-oriented angle of the second movie. Instead of Sarah as a damsel-in-distress in need of rescue by Kyle Reese, she's been raised by a Terminator since she was a child, which I imagine makes her relationship with Kyle... different. The whole premise is so fanfic-y that I can't believe they actually made this movie.

I don't know why that movie didn't work, exactly, but the images I've seen from it do not inspire confidence. (The fact that I do not find their version of Kyle Reese to be particular hot is telling.) I've only seen one scene from the end with the time machine, which looks like what would happen if you started an MRI machine with a Terminator in the room - bits of metal flying everywhere.

(I think about this every time someone mentions an MRI, tbh.)

I am reserving judgment on <i>Dark Fate</i>, since  both Cameron and Hamilton were involved, and it's not about John Connor. I plan on seeing it once it's out on DVD. I suspect I'm going to find it intriguing on multiple levels.

Other miscellaneous T2 thoughts I didn't fit into previous posts:

Linda Hamilton has a twin, that was how they filmed the double scene at the end, very clever!! I kinda wish this had been used more in the film. They also used a pair of twins with the security guard sequence, clever. SEE YOU DON'T NEED CGI FOR EVERYTHING!!

Linda Hamilton's real life son is the kid the '80s dream version of Sarah is holding in her playground dream, wow...

Oh, wow, Michael Biehn was NOT in the theatrical cut, thank goodness I watched this version, because that was literally the best part of the film.

Also, I watched the Behind-the-scenes montage that came with the DVD and there's literally two seconds of him taking a break while filming that scene, and I FLIPPED OUT even the film quality - the filming of the filming, as it were - is not great.

The DVD extras also include Jim Cameron rolling around on the floor to show his actors how he wants it done, and the crew giving him a gift for his birthday and he says, "As long as it's not a flying piranha" -- the subject of his first movie.

The footage of the Cameron and Hamilton at the shooting range practicing is also really cute. So is watching them destroy tiny miniature versions of LA and the future 2029 battlefield.

And I learned there was a guy wearing only white boxers on the crew during the playground sequence, so make what you will of that. I guess it was hot that day...

Also, apparently Michael Biehn was originally supposed to be the T-1000. Are you fucking kidding me???!!!! No offense to Robert Patrick, but THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AMAZING (and also SUPER TRAUMATIZING for Sarah!!) What could have been... Maybe this movie exists in some parallel universe, sigh.

I really like the deleted ending, in which Judgement Day doesn't happen (Sarah's voice-over says she gets very drunk to celebrate). John Connor works for the US government, and an elderly Sarah watches him play with his daughter on a playground. I wish they'd ended the series at two movies instead of the nightmare slog of sequels/reboots/whatever. But, money. You know how it is.

Next up: Dark Fate. Or possibly "The Sarah Connor Chronicles," depending on which I can get on DVD first.

[mst3kproject]

213: Godzilla vs the Sea Monster

If you've ever wondered, the giant mantis footage over the opening credits is from Son of Godzilla, which was the Godzilla movie after this one.  Also, the reason this episode will never be released on DVD (and keeps getting taken down off YouTube) is because Film Ventures International never owned the rights to it – they released it and sold it to MST3K illegally.  Even more bizarre, this movie has in common with Godzilla vs Megalon not only appearing on MST3K, but being a Godzilla movie that was not originally supposed to have Godzilla in it.  Megalon was intended to be a stand-alone Jet Jaguar vehicle, while Sea Monster would have starred King Kong.  The Fun Facts that surround this movie are more entertaining than the movie itself!

There always seems to be a lot going on in Godzilla movies and this one is no exception.  We begin with Ryota, an idiot with idiot friends, who needs a boat to go searching for his lost brother. They steal one from a bank robber who stole it from an American businessman (this is a simplification, but what happens in the movie is dumber), only to be caught in a storm, menaced by a giant lobster, and wash up on an island somewhere.  The island turns out to belong to... uh... I'm gonna assume it's the Organization Known as Q from Mighty Jack.

TOKaQ is importing slave labor in the form of extras dressed as cartoon Pacific Islanders, and putting them to work making monster repellent so its ships can get past the lobster.  In trying to rescue the slaves and make their own escape, the gang of idiots happens across Godzilla hibernating underground – they set up a lightning rod to zap him, and he wakes up pissed.  After fighting a giant vulture that exists for some reason, he makes crab cakes out of the lobster and then destroys tOKaQ's installation.  Meanwhile, the extras on the next island over are doing an all-day song and dance routine hoping to wake Mothra, who may be everybody's only hope for escaping the island before the nuclear reactor goes critical.

Okay, so that's a secret terrorist group, a bank robbery, a missing person, and no less than four monsters, all jostling for position within the same plot.  Before we go into any of that, though, let's talk about what is conspicuously not in this movie.   If you've seen the film, or even if you just paid attention during my summary above, you will have noticed that most of the story takes place on a small island in the middle of the Pacific.  This means that all the monster fights happen either in the water or else on rocky hillsides.  What's missing?

The answer is urban carnage.  Godzilla vs Megalon didn't have much of that but at least there was the dam-buster scene. In this film, there is absolutely zero city-crushing whatsoever! Why the hell did the writers think we go to see Godzilla movies, if not to watch guys in cumbersome costumes demolish lovingly crafted miniature buildings?

Even if you're not here for the sheer joy of destruction, scenes with buildings and trees in them would have provided a sense of scale that is totally missing here.  When Megalon knocks down the dam and throws the truck containing our heroes across the countryside, it gives us an impression of just how enormous this roach is supposed to be.  When Godzilla fights a giant lobster underwater with nothing in view but a bunch of rocks, there's no such reference.  It's not only less fun, it fails at drawing you into the movie's world.  My suspension of disbelief does not demand much of a kaiju eiga, but it still didn't get it out of Godzilla vs the Sea Monster.

There are also quite a few shots in which the texture and colour of the Godzilla costume are entirely too much like the rocks in the background.  Godzilla's a forty-storey dinosaur – he doesn't need camouflage!  The suit in this movie is the same one they'd used in the previous Godzilla vs Monster Zero.  It's lumpy and ugly, and generally looks like it is in poor repair.

The lack of city destruction is only one of several reasons why Godzilla vs the Sea Monster just doesn't feel like a proper Godzilla movie.  For another thing, there's the music: the movie is completely missing the distinctive Godzilla theme that had been a part of every previous film.  Instead, quite a few scenes have no music at all, and for some reason part of the climactic fight between Godzilla and the lobster is set to what sounds like surf movie music.

Third, there's the way the monsters are handled.  In a lot of the more entertaining Godzilla films, the monsters are characters – they have names and backstories, and are frequently more memorable in this respect than the humans.   Godzilla's backstory has been retconned several times over the course of the series, but it's always there in some form and is usually important to what the monster does and why he does it.  Mothra, too, has her own unique mythology (mothology?).  The cult of Mothra plays some role in this film, barely, but Godzilla is seen doing things he's never done before, such as hibernating and taking an interest in an individual human.

The new monsters, meanwhile, have no background to them at all. Even the most absurd of Godzilla opponents usually come with a story: Megalon was the guardian of Seatopia.  Hedorah was the product of pollution mutating sea life.  Space Godzilla was created when a sample of Godzilla's genetic material was carried into space by a sentient rose bush and was hit by cosmic rays (I never said the backstories made sense).  The lobster and bird monsters in Godzilla vs the sea Monster just appear out of nowhere.  The fact that they don't have names is apparently a product of the dubbing – the Japanese version tells us that the bird is called Gai, while the lobster is Ebirah.  The fact that they have no associated story, however, makes it clear that they are plot devices rather than characters.

Actually, even Godzilla and Mothra are plot devices in this movie. The former is only brought into play as a distraction so that our so-called heroes can free the island slaves, and the latter does nothing but provide a last-minute airlift.  Because of the isolated setting, there is no hint of the apocalyptic danger so many other movies in the franchise try to present – none of these monsters are a threat to the world, or even to Japan.  The potentially world-shattering bad guys of the story are tOKaQ, and as Tsubaraya Eiji discovered when the ratings came in for season one of Mighty Jack, they're not actually all that scary.

Even worse, the monster fights in this movie are awful.  For starters there's the aforementioned lack of scale, and then there's the fight choreography, which sucks.  There's a bit where Godzilla and Ebirah play volleyball, for crying out loud (incidentally, ebi is Japanese for shrimp, as in ebi nigiri... so maybe Ebirah isn't a lobster, but a really, really jumbo shrimp?).  The fight between Godzilla and Gai is shot so that it's hard to tell what's going on.  The fights in Godzilla vs Megalon were comical, but you knew what was happening and they fit with the overall cartoon aesthetic of the film.  The ones in Godzilla vs the Sea Monster are just bad, and it's weird to see two monsters headbutting styrofoam boulders at each other in a movie that's otherwise supposed to be serious.

The human villains are not just a poor substitute for monster action, they're not even good villains in their own right.  Much like their counterparts in Mighty Jack, tOKaQ here have no clear goal or plan that is ever elucidated beyond vague talk about 'nuclear weapons' and 'world domination'.  There is a level on which this is somewhat realistic, I guess, since Ryota and his idiot buddies don't have a clear idea what's going on beyond Bad Stuff and the audience is supposed to be in their shoes.  Their self-appointed sabotage mission fails to feel very urgent, however, when there's no clear idea what the consequences of failure will be.

I'm not comparing the villains of this movie to those of Mighty Jack just for the sake of a joke, either.  The guy in charge of effects in this movie was none other than Tsubaraya Eiji himself, and director Fukuda Jun spent the early sixties churning out secret agent movies before giving us several of the worst entries in the Godzilla series, including Godzilla vs Megalon, Son of Godzilla, and Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla.  It feels like Fukuda and Tsubaraya were determined to make this a spy shenanigan movie no matter how they had to twist the premise to do so.  Seeing Tsubaraya's name in the credits also kind of makes me doubt my theory that the TV series version of Mighty Jack would have fleshed out tOKaQ a little.  Apparently these guys really did think vague villains were something they could get away with.

When people talk about 'good' versus 'bad' in something like a Godzilla movie, there are two things that the word 'good' might mean. There's 'good' as in an entertaining and successful movie – and then there's 'good' as in an entertaining but unsuccessful movie.  Godzilla, King of the Monsters is 'good' in the first sense.  Godzilla vs Megalon is 'good' in the second.  Godzilla vs the Sea Monster doesn't manage either.  It sucks, but it just doesn't suck in that special way that makes it enjoyable.  It comes across as dull and difficult to follow, which are two things a movie about giant rubber monsters should definitely never, ever be.