#the unknown/possibility that some people will know makes me feel a bit better but also please dont LMAOOOO

[bellestarot]

Pick a pile

What You need to hear right now ☁️

♡ Take your time to choose

⌢⌢⌢⌢୨୧⌢⌢⌢⌢

Pile I

Pile number 1, you are an extremely hardworking, creative, and funny person with an aura that makes people want to get to know you better. You have a positive energy, but you are very constrained.

At this moment, you are learning to leave something behind, and you often feel indecisive about whether this is really what you need to do to achieve your goal and happiness.

I see that you are an indecisive person, feeling a weight on your shoulders about shaping your future. Everything is so uncertain that you don't know if you are making the right choices.

This blockage that holds you back needs to be released. You need to overcome this fear of challenging yourself and trying something new so that you can achieve your desires and happiness. Your dreams will only come to life and flourish if you allow it to happen.

Perhaps you have people you can count on, a friend or a relative. So take advantage of this support and trust in what you are feeling is your goal because I see that when you do, good things will come to you. Taking risks is also positive; stepping out of your comfort zone is beneficial. For some of you, this is related to a dream of yours.

For some of you, this might be related to a step in a relationship you want to take, or it might be related to a job position where you will need to give a speech or represent an institution. For some of you, it is related to dreams you have.

You have often set them aside, but now a light has rekindled regarding them for you not to give up.

Pile II

Pile 2, I see that after a long time, you decided to open your eyes to what was around you. And after that, everything started to make sense to you, and you succeeded.

You understood yourself better, perhaps liked yourself more than before, and appreciated the person you are.

It says here that nothing happens by chance. Sometimes we have to leave certain situations behind so that a new path can open up and you can receive all the good things from a place that was previously unknown to you.

You stayed stagnant in a particular situation for a long time, but the moment you realized that you are the only one responsible for your own happiness, everything changed, right?

Because you learned to express your desires more?

What you feel and what you want for your life?

Maybe someone created a romantic fantasy for you, promising incredible things, including loyalty, which was broken.

This person deceived you, lied to you, and maybe abandoned you.

But let me tell you something.

There are people who will value who you are and what you deserve. Do not accept something that you do not deserve.

You need some time to be alone and take care of yourself. I know you will get through this, and amazing things are waiting for you.

Pile III

It's not easy growing up, is it? Some of you are coming of age. Currently, others of you are learning from life how to be an adult.

You have an energy of youth that wants to discover the world, to know everything, and thinks it knows everything.

You need to learn to face your difficulties and not run away from them because that only hurts you and leaves you with all the possibilities of what could have happened in your mind. If you had confronted them, you wouldn't be wishing for so many things, right?

I see you having folders on Pinterest. Maybe writing in diaries about your future, what you want for yourself, and you are determined to achieve this, to have this independence to fly far from home, from where you are used to being. But as I said, it’s not easy having responsibilities. You might be going through some conflicts in your life that shake your mental state a bit.

The way to face this is by being less pessimistic. And valuing and trying to see the good things that happen to you amidst so much that hurts you.

Sometimes we don't value what’s happening to us because we can only see the bad things. But when you change your perspective, it completely changes your energy. We only attract good things when we are vibrating positively. That’s what you need to do.

୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈୨୧

[kikyoupdates]

Otherworldly Attraction ⭑˚🔮⭑ 𝑎 𝑠𝑢𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟

yandere!jjk x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

You don't know how or why, but you've been isekai'd into the world of Jujutsu Kaisen. Although your first instinct is to stay away from the plot, you've been blessed with an abnormal amount of cursed energy, and for better or worse, you find yourself sucked into the storyline. You decide that you may as well use your newfound powers for the greater good, and if you're lucky, you might succeed in rewriting some of the characters' fates. But it turns out that your presence in this world is an even bigger deal than you first thought, and soon, everyone wants to make you theirs.

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The door slides open to reveal two students, a girl and a boy, sitting around a table while they eat their lunches. Itadori steps inside, still grinning widely, and their heads turn at the sound of his voice.

“Hey, guys! I just dropped by for lunch, if that’s okay. Oh, and I brought a friend! This is [Name],” he happily introduces. 

You’re too stunned by the fact that he just referred to you as his friend to process much else, and by that point, the two students have already stood up. 

“It’s nice to meet you, [Name],” the girl greets with a smile. “I’m Sasaki, a second-year.” 

“And I’m Iguchi, also a second-year,” the boy chimes in. 

Needless to say, you already know who they are, too. Even though it was indirect on their part, they’re largely the reason why Itadori ends up at Jujutsu High, thanks to the fateful events of a certain night spent on school grounds. 

At this point in time, Itadori has yet to give them Sukuna’s finger. You’re not sure exactly when it’ll happen, but there will probably be some warning signs, like Fushiguro showing up on campus to look for it. 

Still, for obvious reasons, you feel like you shouldn’t get too involved with these two. The plot is going to proceed normally, as it should. You’re worried that something might go wrong with your interference. It’s probably best if you keep your distance, and—

“Would you like to join the Occult Research Club?!” 

“...” 

Yeah, you probably should’ve expected that. 

Itadori laughs. “Come on, guys. I didn’t bring her here to try and recruit her. I just wanted to introduce all three of you! I’m not sure if [Name]’s into that kind of stuff, anyways. It’s not really everyone’s thing.” 

“It’s true,” you nod. “I’m, uh, not that great with scary stuff…” 

“There’s nothing scary about the paranormal!” Sasaki insists. “It’s just interesting! Mysterious! Imagine what could be out there! Don’t you have a thirst for the unknown?” 

It’s precisely because I do know what’s out there that I’m scared…

“Sasaki, you’re coming on way too strong,” Iguchi chides. He turns to offer you a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. We just can’t help but get excited when new people show up to our club room, but we know this kind of thing can’t be forced. You two are more than welcome to stay here during lunch.”

To some extent, you can’t help but feel a bit bad, because you know how passionate they are, and soon, Itadori won’t be around to keep them company anymore. He has no choice but to go to Jujutsu High. It’s his fate as the protagonist of this world. 

You know you can’t possibly be a substitute for someone as irreplaceable as Itadori, but once all the craziness with Sukuna’s finger passes, you’d be happy to be their friend, if they’ll have you.

“Ooh, your lunch looks really good, [Name],” Itadori remarks once you sit down and unpack your bento box.

“Thanks,” you smile. “I’ve been cooking for a while. My mom cooks too, but I just got used to making food for myself. The process helps me take my mind off things. It’s kind of therapeutic, in a way.” 

Seeing as being sucked into a fictional world is kind of—or rather, really fucking insane, it’s safe to say that you cooked up a storm when you got home yesterday. You packed up most of the leftovers for lunch today, so the food didn’t go to waste, but still. You ended up emptying a good portion of the fridge.

Itadori takes a big bite out of his onigiri, but he keeps eyeing your lunch all the while, so you chuckle and push the bento box closer to him.

“Go ahead,” you encourage. “You can have some if you want.” 

“Can I really?” he blinks, a few pieces of rice stuck to his cheek. It’s kind of ridiculous how adorable this guy is. You have the sudden urge to pull him into your arms and give him a big squeeze, but mercifully, your intrusive thoughts don’t win. 

“Of course. I packed plenty, so I can afford to share.”

“Oh—wait, but earlier, I was saying that I’d be the one to treat you! I can’t just eat your lunch! I still owe you big-time for what I did to you!” 

Itadori firmly shakes his head in refusal, then crosses his arms and makes an attempt at what you can only assume is meant to be a stern expression. But again, he’s so ridiculously cute that it’s a bit hard to take him seriously. 

Sasaki arches a brow. “What did you do to her?” 

“I, uh, may have hit her in the face with a soccer ball,” Itadori replies, shamefully shrinking in on himself.

He is literally baby. 

“Why would you do that?” Iguchi gapes. “Come to think of it, her nose is a little bruised…” 

“It obviously wasn’t on purpose!” Itadori protests. He turns towards you with an imploring expression. “[Name], I promise it wasn’t on purpose. I swear I would never do something like that!” 

You chuckle softly. “I know you wouldn’t. You definitely don’t seem like that kind of guy.”

Itadori lets out a sigh of relief and resumes munching on his onigiri. Meanwhile, Sasaki stares at you from across the table. 

“So… [Name],” she says. “You’re a first-year like Itadori, I’m assuming?” 

“Yep.” 

“I’ve never really seen you around.” 

“I’m a new student. I only just transferred in.” 

She pauses for a few moments, and you can see her eyes glistening with excitement. “So, that must mean you haven’t joined any clubs yet, right?” 

“Sasaki, not this again,” Iguchi sighs. 

“I’m telling you! Not everyone is drawn to the occult right away. It takes trial and error to figure out if it’s something you’re actually interested in. I’m not saying she has to join our club or anything. But while she’s here, she should at least dip her toes in, right?” 

Before Iguchi can protest on your behalf again, Sasaki grabs a large board from one of the bookshelves and turns towards you with a mischievous grin. 

“...you’ve heard of Kokkuri, right?” 

After school, Itadori stops by your classroom. 

“Hey, [Name],” he beams. “Thanks for hanging out with all of us during lunch. It was a lot of fun. Hopefully that game of Kokkuri didn’t freak you out too much.”

“I had fun too,” you nod. Truthfully, you’ve never really been fazed by this kind of stuff. Horror movies and the like don’t often get much of a reaction out of you. You never bought into ghosts or vengeful spirits. Well, not in the real world at least.

Unfortunately, in this world, there’s plenty of freaky shit to go around. 

“It means a lot to those guys,” Itadori says, a tinge of sadness to his smile. “We’re the only people in the school that seem to have an interest in the occult. I signed up for it because I thought it’d be fun, but we just barely meet the three-member minimum. Thanks for going along with it to make them happy, even if it’s not really your kind of thing.” 

“There’s no need to thank me. I know I said I wasn’t crazy about scary stuff, but I actually ended up having a good time. I’m glad you invited me to hang out with you guys,” you smile. 

Itadori returns your smile with one of his own—seriously, he’s almost always smiling, but you certainly don’t mind—and before you realize it, a phone has been placed into your hand. 

You blink. “What’s this?” 

“My phone,” Itadori replies, still smiling.

“Um, I mean, I know that, but why’d you give it to me?” 

“So you can give me your number. That way it’ll be easier for us to stay in touch!” He pauses, just for a moment, to frown. “Oh, but I guess I should’ve asked if you were okay with it first. I got a little ahead of myself. Would it be cool if we exchanged numbers?” 

Abso-fucking-lutely! 

By some miracle, you manage to reign in your excitement, and instead of hardcore fangirling and squealing out at the top of your lungs, you just nod. 

“Sure thing,” you say, trying to play it cool. Still, despite your best efforts to act indifferent, your fingers are trembling as you pull out your own phone and refer to the number you have saved in a notes app (because you definitely haven’t memorized it within less than a day of being here). Once you’re finished inputting your number, you pass your phone over to Itadori so he can do the same.

And just like that, you have a new contact saved. Itadori Yuji. He even added a little smiley-face at the end of his name. God, he’s so fucking cute. 

“Sweet!” Itadori grins. “Thanks, [Name]. I’ll be sure to text you lots! Sorry I can’t really stick around much longer. I just wanted to stop by real quick before I left to go visit my gramps at the hospital.” 

Right. His grandfather. A point deep in your stomach throbs uncomfortably, and you’re hit by a sudden wave of guilt. It feels awful to know that his grandfather’s end is rapidly approaching. It feels awful to know that you can’t change it, or even warn him. All you can do is feign ignorance and hope that he enjoys these fleeting moments while they last. 

You muster up a smile. “I hope you have a nice day with your grandpa. Feel free to text me whenever.”

“Will do! See ya!” 

Itadori waves you off, every bit as cheerful as always. Yet another thing that causes you immense guilt is the knowledge that his happy days won’t last forever. Soon, he’ll be thrown into a dark, sinister world that teems with death. A world that, in your opinion, is far too harsh for such a gentle soul. 

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about that. Fate will run its course, and you must simply stand by and let it happen. 

Despite the nice day you had, your spirits are admittedly a bit low as you trudge home, having to consult Oogle Maps in order to find your way around. After being injured yesterday, the nurse called your parents to inform them of what had happened, and your mom came by to pick you up. This is technically your first time finding your way home by yourself. It’s not just a new school you need time getting used to, but a new home, a new city, a new world… all of it is bound to get a little overwhelming at times.

You wish you could say you’re completely aware of your surroundings, but that’s far from the truth. Every so often, you have to stop and squint towards the street signs to make sure you’re heading the right way. Jujutsu Kaisen is set in a fictional world, of course, but it’s a world modeled off the real world, and there’s plenty of similarities. This version of Japan is every bit as busy as the real one, for instance. Which is why you keep getting swept up in the crowds and losing your sense of direction.

Still, it’s not rocket science. You can mostly figure out where you’re going. Oogle Maps is idiot-proof, after all. Well, sort of. 

But the fact remains that you’ve never wandered these streets before, and naturally, you’re as disoriented as anyone would be in a foreign place. Hence why you don’t notice him until it’s late. 

A man with long, black hair, who’s staring right at you. 

You get jerked around by the crowd of people hurrying home during rush-hour, enough that you end up tripping onto the sidewalk and falling onto your knees. Your socks only reach up to your calves, so unfortunately, your knees get scraped open and start bleeding. 

Man. Only two days into this isekai thing, and you just can’t seem to stop getting hurt. 

“...are you alright?” 

Some guy is speaking to you. Presumably, one of the bystanders that saw you trip. Your cheeks flush, because falling in public is one of the most embarrassing things that can happen, but you instinctively reach out to grab his hand anyway. 

At the same time, your gaze pans upwards, and his eyes meet yours. 

Oh, balls. 

That’s the most appropriate response you can think of. After all, the man you’ve just had the misfortune of running into is hardly the type to be your friend. He’s not like Itadori. He’s not one of the good guys. 

He is Geto Suguru. Or rather, the curse user that’s pretending to be him. The real Geto is long dead. He was killed by his former best friend, Gojo. 

Those scars on his forehead tell you everything you need to know. The curse user’s name is Kenjaku, and he is merely using Geto’s body as a vessel. As things stand, you’re probably the only person who knows his true identity.

Regardless, the details don’t matter right now.

You’re just really fucking scared. 

Kenjaku pulls you to your feet, and unlike with Itadori, when you wished you could keep holding his hand forever, this time, you pull away viscerally fast, as if you’ve just been splashed with hot oil. 

Naturally, Kenjaku notices. 

“You didn’t answer my question, miss,” he chuckles, a cunning smile spreading across his lips. “I asked if you were alright. You took quite a tumble there. It must have hurt.” 

“I-I’m fine,” you reply, praying your fear isn’t absurdly obvious. You need to stay calm. There’s no reason why an ordinary person would be afraid of him, and if you let it show, he’ll know something’s up. 

“Your knees are bleeding,” Kenjaku points out. He leans closer to you, and you swear your heart nearly explodes. His dark, thin eyes are even more eerie from up close. “And you look like you just saw a ghost. I admit, I’m a bit worried.”

That’s bullshit if you’ve ever heard it, but nevertheless, you can’t allow your expression to crumble. There’s no reason for him to kill you out in public like this. Unlike cursed spirits, people can see him. He won’t risk drawing that kind of attention to himself. 

Probably. 

“I’m just… socially awkward,” you say, chuckling shyly for added effect. “And, uh, I’m not good at talking to handsome guys like you. I get nervous.” 

To be honest, what you just said isn’t even a total lie. Sadly. 

Kenjaku stares at you in silence for a few moments, then smiles yet again, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

“I’m flattered by your words,” he muses. “Well, just be careful not to trip again. You got off with a small injury this time, but if you’re not careful, it could be a lot worse. And nobody likes to hurt, do they?” 

It’s hard to tell whether or not that was meant to be a thinly-veiled threat, but you have no intention of sticking around to find out. 

“Thank you for your help, mister. I appreciate it.” 

You hastily bow to him, then waste no time before speed-walking away. The further you get, the easier it is to breathe.

But since you’re too scared to look back over your shoulder, you don’t realize that Kenjaku is still staring at you with a contemplative look on his face. 

He hums to himself. “So much cursed energy. Is she a sorcerer? But something about her seems strange. I just can’t put my finger on it.” 

Well, no matter. He’ll leave you in peace for now. He can’t very well attack you in broad daylight, and he doesn’t even know if you pose a threat. There are far too many variables to consider. 

Besides, something tells him that this won’t be your last meeting. 

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[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

Accidental Confessions

REQUEST: I FINALLY THOUGHT OF MY REQUEST May I request Azul, Jade and Riddle getting high because of mushrooms for some unknown reason and confessing to a gn reader bc their ability to stay composed just went completely out the window? It's more of a fluff/crack idea I came up with, sorry if it's not too clear @thehollowwriter

SUMMARY: When the usually cool and composed guys accidentally confess due to... Some interesting foods. WORD COUNT: 1.3k

WARNINGS: Mushrooms (need I say anything else), maybe OOC, Jade and Floyd and Azul shenanigans, they may act like they're under the influence of drugs (no actual drugs in the story though!!), these poor guys (please give them hugs), Ace is chaos A/N: Me, trying to make sure I get everything right: *types in Google* "what happens when you get high" on my school computer Don't do drugs guys :D (I would've said kids but I'm like 96% sure that most of the people reading my fics are in fact older than me) I love how I finished this a while ago and then was like "I'm gonna add a bit more to the end" and it was only like a paragraph- Azul is my favorite, you can see from how much I write for him </3 Also I love fluff and crack, I enjoy writing it the most! Feel free to send more requests like these <3

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

Azul Ashengrotto

You know, Azul should have known better.

Jade always went out and got some mushrooms on his hikes, and he seemed pretty confident that he knew the different types of mushrooms.

But one single mistake - a mushroom similar enough to a perfectly fine edible one - and now he felt woozy.

Great.

It wasn't an unpleasant experience - he felt happy in that dreamy way, where you weren't able to comprehend much. But he knew this was bad.

What if he got addicted? That would ruin all his plans for his future. He needed to have a clear head.

He really should've been resting, but unfortunately, Floyd had ran off (most likely so he didn't have to be near the mushrooms). Due to that, Mostro Lounge needed an extra pair of hands.

So when he saw you, he immediately was on guard as much as he could be. Who knows what he could let slip when you were so close, and his thinking wasn't at its best…

He tried to avoid you, but unfortunately (again? Why were so many bad things happening to him today?) you sat at the table closest to him.

He had to go up to you and take your order. Your sweet smile almost made him melt, a soft flush on his cheeks as he just nodded quietly, jotting your order down.

You thought it was odd - Azul was usually the type to chat people up, try to get as much of a profit in as possible - but today was different. It made you a bit worried, honestly.

As you asked if he was all right, Azul's eyes widened.

His mind went blank, and the only words that left his lips were, "Sorry, you were just really cute, and I-" He froze as he realized the words he said, trying to backtrack, but he couldn't think right. "I mean, I just thought your smile was- you- I-" He shook his head slightly. "Forget it," he said, hands shaking slightly out of embarrassment as he turned and walked away.

As Jade had been watching and listening to the interaction, he quickly made your order before handing it to Azul (who had been hoping for some rest behind the counter before seeing you). Jade was saying something about how Azul really needed to be quicker with processing orders - Azul was pretty sure that Jade knew about his feelings toward the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm.

Azul sighed softly before trudging back to you, the food and drink you ordered held in a tray. "There you go."

As you inquired about what his previous words had been about, he saw the teasing glint in your eyes.

Did you know?

"It was nothing- I just like you a-" A slip of the tongue. Damn it. He hadn't meant to say that. He quickly backed away before almost sprinting to the VIP Room, his cheeks flushed a bright red. He almost ran into the doorframe though (which Jade may or may not have taken a picture of).

Bonus:

"I told you that Azul likes you a lot." Jade smiled, a small glint of his teeth showing. "Did you plan this?" "Jade might've given Azul an unusual mushroom~" That sing-songy voice had to be Floyd's. "I knew it." You rolled your eyes a little. "That was cute, though. Although your method might have been a little mean. Poor Azul." "You can go talk to him after you enjoy your meal." Jade smiled at you. "And Floyd, you haven't had anything to eat. Perhaps you would like one of the mushroom soups I've made?" "No- I've had enough of your mushrooms." A soft whine came out of the other tweel's lips. "But maybe Koebi-chan wants some?" "Thanks for the offer, but I probably should go to Azul as soon as possible." You laughed softly. "There's no telling what's happening to him right now, after all."

Jade Leech

Jade had a heavy mishap on his hands. He had gone a bit overboard with picking his mushrooms, and then Floyd had gone and messed with his careful labeling.

And then he didn't check the contents and labels thoroughly before he put them into a little snack for himself.

So now here he was, stumbling to Ramshackle Dorm for no reason in particular.

It was a wonder how he hadn't stumbled off the path, what with the hallucinations he was seeing.

He stumbled inside (luckily the door wasn't locked), quickly moving to your room.

At first you thought he was Floyd due to how off he was acting. But nope, that was definitely Jade.

"Jade?" Your eyes were wide as you stared at the male. "What are you doing here?"

"I love youuuuu." Well, that was a surprise.

Now you were really wondering if this wasn't Floyd. It sounded like something he would say.

As the tall male draped himself over you, you awkwardly tried to get both of you comfortable on the small chair. It was no use, however, as you toppled off of your chair and onto the ground.

You let out a soft huff, staring up at Jade who had fallen on top of you. How fun…

He seemed to have fallen asleep, relaxed on top of you. Well, at least he didn't seem to have gotten hurt.

You awkwardly patted his hair as you gave up trying to move. The floor was uncomfortable… But you could bear it, you didn't want to stop looking at Jade's sleeping face.

Riddle Rosehearts

Ace, the prankster he was, had put in an insane amount of sugar in some cookies he was making. He had then given the cookies to Riddle.

The unsuspecting Riddle had accepted the cookies, feeling a bit confused. Why was Ace making cookies…? No matter.

He was starting to eat some of the cookies when you had been brought to the Heartslabyul dorm (totally not by force).

You were also confused, and for good reason. Ace was saying something about pranking his housewarden, but to be honest? What reason did he have for calling you here?

You were pretty sure it was just so Ace didn't get punished. He didn't want to keep getting in trouble, after all. Though, the rational thought would be to not prank Riddle at all… But oh well.

"Hey, Riddle," you said, feeling a bit uncertain. You smiled a little at the male.

"Oh- hi, kantokusei." The red-haired male blinked at you, looking confused.

"Yeah, so- Ace dragged me here? I don't really know why, but-"

He paused for a heartbeat before replying. "I don't know why he brought you here either." He sighed softly, shaking his head.

"Well…" You shrugged awkwardly. "Are those cookies any good?" You gestured vaguely towards the plate in front of him.

"They're too sweet." Riddle frowned a little. "Ace has no delicacy in doing these things, he thinks more is always better."

You let out a soft laugh. "Sounds like him." Just as you reached for a cookie, his hand brushed past yours.

He froze, cheeks flushing adorably. All the sugar in his system was making his heart race and not be focused on what he was thinking.

Before he could even question it, he grabbed your hands. "…I like you a lot." he got out before freezing yet again, hands still holding yours. Why had he said that?

Little did either of you know, Ace was wheezing behind the closed door. He had put in a small little potion, nothing major, that caused a person to say what they felt to the person they liked. He had gotten it from Azul, and it clearly had worked.

The deal had been worth it to get blackmail on his housewarden. Now, if only he could somehow use this to get rid of Riddle as housewarden and all of his strict rules… That would be great. Maybe he could even actually win?

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

This post has details for requesting, and I also currently have a writing event going on here. Please check it out!

[kenchosaikuo]

This is my first ever one-shot, fanfic, sort of post so bear with me if it is really bad.

The idea for this is how I think the Across the Spider-verse characters would react to you kissing them with lipstick on. Be warned it will probably be horrifically ooc or maybe it won’t, never tried writing from another characters perspective before. Tried to be gn!Reader but might lean a little more to the feminine side. It’s also not in any particular order.

Miles Morales

This boy would be a mix of nervous and flustered at the same time. Bonus points if you grab his face while you kiss him, he would short circuit in a second. He’d bounce back after a minute but still be pretty flustered, would definitely stumble over his words while trying to act like he’s ok. Would try to hide how red his face is by covering them with his hands, if you pull them away from him. Oh boy. Prepare for the rebooting process. May or may not take longer than 5 minutes. Would probably wash the mark off, y’know because of his parents and all.

“I- Uh- um. T- thank you f-for um.. that. Um. It felt n-nice” “You good baby?” “Y-yea I’m good.” “You stuttering a lot. You sure you’re good babe?” “Yea. Just need a few minutes to reboot”

Gwen Stacy

Would have a more controlled reaction. She would be flustered but wouldn’t show it as much as Miles would. She’d probably get a little red on the ears and on the cheeks but other than that she’d be ok. She might stumble over her words a bit and look away as to hide some embarrassment. Would definitely tell Hobie about what happened and talk about how life is going. Bonus points if you use her own lip stick. Would probably wash the mark off so her dad doesn’t know.

“Dang you got rizz like that” “If it’s making you smile like that, then I guess I do” “Wait is that my lipstick though” “Sure is” “Rizz 9000”

Peter B. Parker

(This is before MJ and Mayday)

I feel like he’d get slightly flustered by it but not so much so to where he would stumble over words. Almost like Gwen. He would pull you in and give you kisses in return too. Whether it be on the forehead, the lips, or anywhere else expect a kiss in return. Would probably tell you to do it again. After a few minutes of sitting on the couch and exchanging little pecks I imagine it would turn into a little movie night with just sitting there and exchanging kiss while the movie plays. Might get distracted when the movie gets good though. Would probably forget about the mark and just leave it there.

“Wait hold on I’m lost. Is she dating him or is she dating the other guy” “Wait what, I thought she was with him and she cheated on him with other guy. Dang it P now I’m confused” “Oh well this movie was confusing anyway. Now where were we?”

Miguel O’Hara

Would enjoy it. Hands down. Would let you do it. Depending on where you kissed him he would have different reactions. So like on the forehead or cheek, the more sweet areas I feel like he’d kiss you back in the same place. If you did it on the lips, depending on the time and place, it could potentially turn into a little make out session. Now, should you do it on the neck you better prepare yourself for when he’s done working. He’d also probably do it back to you as well. I mean he would get his fangs out and bite you, should you wish. He’ll mark you just like you marked him. Depending if the relationship is known or unknown to others depends if he’ll keep the mark there. If the relationship known he’ll keep the mark there until he showers (if even takes a break from his work). If the relationship is unknown he’ll try to keep it there as long as possible but if he’s gotta go that lipstick stain is coming off.

“Hermosa, what did you just do?” “Nothinggg?” “Sure. Come here Hermosa” “Yes?” “*Bites down on readers neck* Now we are even” “How is that anywhere near even”

The Spot

Would probably get real giddy and happy about it. Cause you know like after he got turned into the spot he’d get turned down by a lot of people cause they mean so it would make him happy to know he’s still loved and not considered a monster in one persons eyes. Anyways, he’d be really happy and would make sure to keep the mark on there just in case he runs into the Spider-Man’s so he can show that he’s loved by someone. Would probably look at Miles and flaunt it. Would make sure the mark stays there. If it rubs off he’ll tell you to kiss him with lip stick on again.

“Guess what Miles, I pulled a girl before you ever could, HA, take that. I’ve got more rizz than you and I ain’t even human no more”.

Jessica Drew

(Before the baby and getting married)

Would get a bit embarrassed about it. I feel like she would like it though. Bonus points if you use her lip stick. She’d probably do the same thing though. Just at a different time to catch you off guard and see you get all flustered and embarrassed. She also seems like the type to not just give one kiss but multiple. Kind of like Peter in a sense. If she were to do it back she would do it multiple times in multiple different areas. Would probably keep the mark there for as long as she could.

“My turn!!” “Wait what Jess hold on” “Mwah and mwah” “I was supposed to be the one to catch you off guard” “Haha, nope”

Pavitr Prabhakar

Would be almost as flustered as Miles but be able to handle said flusteredness better. He’d blush and maybe stutter slightly but he’d be able to cope. Would probably also grab a drink of chai so to calm himself down. He would also definitely get romantic when you do kiss him. He’d probably kiss you back too. Definitely get expect everyone to know. Gwen, Miles, Hobie, Peter, Jess, Miguel even. Everyone is gonna know. Would probably keep the mark there for most of the day too.

“Pav did you really need a cup of Chai to calm down” “N-No, I just like the taste of it” “Sure, but you got it just at this moment in time, can’t be a coincidence hmm??” “Anyways so how’ve you beennnn”

Hobie Brown

He’d probably do it right back. He’d take the lip stick and kiss you all the same way you did him. Alongside Pav and Spot he’d flaunt it everywhere he goes. He would not get flustered either, he’d be surprised but not flustered. I’ve the feeling he’d tell you to do it again and again until his face is peppered in lip stick marks. Would definitely leave the lip stick marks there. May or may not avoid taking a shower just so they stay on longer.

Oi!! Whatcha doing there” “Just giving you a little kiss” “Well you’re doing it in the wrong spot mate. It’s supposed to be on the lips not on the cheek” “Or I could not do it at all??” “Alright point taken, go on”

The End :D

It you enjoyed reading that let me know. OH and give me suggestions too and any critiques you might have. Anything that’s helpful to my writing is gladly appreciated.:D

[glupikrol]

uhm.... sekaistuck

Here's my analysis of n25's classpects, I also made art of them, and changed the godtier designs a bit to fit them better, made it a bit more personalized.

Kanade - Sylph of Time

Sylph is a class that heals with their aspect, or creates the aspect in others.

One of the symbols of the aspect of time is music.

So you probably know where I'm going with this, Kanade wishes to save as much people with her music as possible, no matter the cost, even if it takes a toll on her physical and mental health. She spends as much time as possible on composing, to get more time she consumes energy drinks and eats instant noodles.

Sylphs have natural understanding of their aspect - Kanade is a composing prodigy, at the age of 10 she was making better music than her father, and in area conversations it's revealed that she's a living timer, she knows exactly when the light will turn green because she counts the seconds and never misses.

When she promised Mafuyu to keep composing for her, it made Mafuyu keep trying to look for her true self. So in classpect terms, she literally created more time for her. Her music also brings comfort to thousands of n25 listeners, keeps them going. Kanade is a patient person too, she has no problem in giving Ena more time to work on her art if it means it'll be better, in this case she's the most understanding in n25.

Mafuyu - Maid of Void

Maid is a class that is burdened by their aspect, and is also 'made' of it. It's often interpreted as a class that creates their aspect for themselves.

The aspect of Void symbolises emptiness, nothingness, the unknown, shadows, secrets, lack of meaning, but also infinite potential and hidden talents. It's an aspect of people lost in the dark.

So the Maid of Void creates nothingness, is made of nothingness, and is burdened by nothingness, which sounds weird but actually fits Mafuyu very much. She literally created empty SEKAI from her true feelings - how cold and empty she feels. She also keeps n25 and her true feelings a secret from her mother. And regarding the burden of nothingness - she is tired of not knowing who she is, she is tired of coldness and emptiness she feels in her chest.

But I don't think Mafuyu hates what void represents, she likes the calm and quiet of empty SEKAI, she cares about her empty aquarium, she does find some comfort in nothingness, it's just the fact that there's too much of it.

But it's not all sad and gloom, Void is hidden potential and talents, which Mafuyu has tons of, to the point it makes Ena jealous.

Ena - Prince of Space

Prince is someone who works hard and relies on outside validation. Basically Ena.

Space is associated with arts and crafts, it's about creating material stuff you can touch.

I don't have a coherent analysis here, just trust me bro. I really can't explain my thought process here as well as I want, so I'm just leaving you the short classpect description, check out the sources if you wanna know more about the classpect.

Mizuki - Knight of Heart

Knights are people who put up a front to hide their weaknessses and insecurities. They're also the guardian of their aspect.

Heart is an aspect of identity, Heart players live rich inner lives and are invested in self-discovery, they tend to be dramatic and often struggle with being misunderstood.

Mizuki does everything they can to hide their problems under their bubbly personality, they don't want to be too bothersome to others. When Ena is worried about them, Mizuki feels like they're a bad person. They've been hurt in the past, and struggle with anyone getting too close, essentially, guarding their Heart.

It may be hard to notice at first, but Mizuki is one of the most emotionally intelligent characters in the cast. They did self-discovery, they do self-retrospection, and in turn they understand other people better. They're quick to pick up when something is wrong, or when someone feels down - they see the little things. Mizuki was the first character to notice mafumom's weird behavior too.

Sources:

@classpect-navelgazing - My main source, I recommend checking them out because their theory is different than the classic view of the classpect and is pretty interesting. Very well made too! I think their aspects descriptions are better than the canon ones lmao.

@dahniwitchoflight - I used some of the elements of their theory too - most notably the bits about Maid and Sylph class. Good to check them out if you're interested!

The extended zodiac quiz - It has a lot of problems and I don't consider most of it canon, but the moons description and time's description are fine imo.

These sources are condtradictadory, yes, and while reading them you might notice that I didn't stick to some of the descriptions that much, but doing this little analysis I kept in mind that in the end the classpects are more about the vibe than anything else (but also not really, you see, it's complicated)

[accirax]

What is your opinion on the DRDT time loop theory? If you do have any thoughts on it, what do you think Mai, the Teacher & the past kg/(assumption) the altdrdt kg have to do with it? (Mai and Teacher often exist in proxy to evidence for this theory & the 'past killing game' & the teacher are clearly closely connected.)

Alright, so this one is going to be a bit more of a challenge than usual because, as I confirmed, the “DRDT Time Loop Theory” doesn’t exactly… exist. I mean, it definitely does, because you know what it means, and I know what it means, and I’m willing to bet that many other people who will encounter this post also know what it means. But, everyone’s understanding of it is pretty vague and scattered because no one has ever written it out before. Other than kind of this 3 minute segment of a video by Ocean Unknown (which never even says the words “time loop” directly, it just discusses a major piece of evidence for the theory), as well as this work-around by @/1moreff-creator, there isn’t any document I can read or video I can watch to base my opinion off of.

Therefore, this leaves me in the position of having to establish the original scripture for what the DRDT Time Loop Theory is, and then give my thoughts on how plausible it might be. Naturally, this may result in my answers having some obvious bias to them in one way or another– either that I will misrepresent some evidence because I don’t think the idea is plausible, or that I will become convinced of the theory because it’s tailored to exactly what I think makes the most sense– but, no matter! Somebody had to establish this someday, and I’m honored that you regard my opinion highly enough to task me as the one to do it. Here we go!

I usually like to establish a sort of premise to each of my theories near the beginning, because I think it provides a good structure through which people can pace themselves and know what to expect. For this theory, I think it will make the most sense to create sections based on the basic questions: who, what, when, where, why, and how. Although, not necessarily in that order. Or rather, definitely not in that order, because I know where I’m going to start.

What?

‘Cause, like, what? What is the time loop theory? That’s where we should start.

As far as I’m aware, the time loop theory is mainly based on the combination of two different pieces of evidence. The first hails from DRDT’s About Page. In the same fashion that people found each character’s hidden quotes on their profiles, you can find a long monologue in the code of the text. I’ll copy it here for convenience:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people. I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too. Then you’ll get bored. Like me. And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom. I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death. I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom. Do you understand, Teacher? This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative. I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You’ll understand eventually.”

Because this quote is found on the About page, we can’t tie it to any one character in particular like we can for the secret quotes. Many people suspect this quote may have come from DRDT’s mastermind, but we obviously don’t know who that is, either. To help us establish the speaker’s character, let’s see what we can infer about them from what they’ve said.

Firstly, we know that this character has been through a lot. They started off caring, then turned to cruelty, yet wound up feeling nothing but boredom in the end. Notably, however, this is only the way that this character sees themself– how kind or how cruel they were is subject to their own perspective. Personally, I don’t think that the speaker is as dead inside as they claim to be. The fact that they wind up relating themselves to “Teacher” and taking actions to minimize Teacher’s suffering proves that they haven’t fully given up on humanity or caring for others.

The speaker also seems to think pretty highly of themself. They begin the passage by assuming that Teacher couldn’t possibly understand what they’ve gone through, and see themself as a tortured Atlas bearing the weight of all knowledge on their shoulder (“I know everything that could possibly happen”). The whole “this is for your own good” mentality also shows them as somewhat patronizing and commandeering.

As for some of the more physical details, while it’s not 100% confirmed, it seems pretty clear that the speaker is or was in a killing game. A murder can occur pretty much anywhere that there are two people, but “how everyone reacts to a murder” really makes it seem like the speaker is in a place where murder is expected. And then, there are the obvious references to hope and despair, which we all know are super killing-game-coded words.

The phrase that I find most interesting in the About Page quote (APQ) is “until we all run out of food and starve to death.” The speaker including themselves in a “we” means that they do identify as part of the group that is stuck in a killing game. Therefore, we can learn that 1) the speaker does not have a secret way to exit the killing game facility and/or time loop, and 2) the speaker is in a physical space, not a metaphysical one. They’re just as vulnerable to starvation (and possibly being killed?) as anyone else. This could be important when it comes to establishing how the time loop came to be and what kind of time loop it is.

And then, of course, there’s Teacher.

Due to the “wants to become the perfect teacher” tagline, many people have come to assume that the Teacher that the APQ refers to is a member of the unnamed fangan (which I call altDRDT) cast. Specifically, that brown-and-red-haired gentleman in the middle. This theory was basically confirmed by the second of the three Christmas 2023 comics DRDTdev posted.

Furthermore, one of the few images we have of him is with a piece of chalk and chalkboard.

We know from the altDRDT FAQ page that Teacher uses he/him pronouns (along with “Soundwave,” “XF,” “Dandelion,” “Scale,” “Bullet,” and “Ice”), which is important in potentially connecting him to the scholarly “him” that Min mentioned in A History of Hope’s Peak.

Therefore, the “Teacher” that the speaker is talking to is very likely to be altDRDT’s Teacher. However, I do want to take a moment to provide a bit of a counterargument. I don’t doubt that our close-eyed compatriot is the Ultimate Teacher. However, I also don’t want to assume that the person who’s trying to become the perfect teacher has to be the same as the Ultimate Teacher, despite the obvious throughline. For example, couldn’t the speaker of the APQ be trying to teach their beliefs to Teacher, searching for the perfect way to get him to understand what needs to be done? I still think that the Teacher that the speaker refers to is probably the altDRDT character, but I wanted us all to reach that conclusion while considering what’s outside the box.

Regardless, there’s clearly a lot to consider here. The people who first discovered this quote thought so as well, and started looking for answers by connecting it to things we’ve already seen in DRDT. The most popular connection comes from the prologue, Veronika’s introduction in particular. Remember when she rants to Teruko and Xander about the (fictional) book Forever Dead? It goes by pretty quick, but her summary is quite interesting:

And thus, the exact phrasing of the “time loop” began. Forever Dead touches upon a lot of the same plot points that the speaker brings up in the APQ. People die, the main character transforms from invested to bored, and straddles the border between relatable and sinister.

We also learn a bit more about the speaker and what happened/will happen to him. He identifies as a boy (who uses he/him pronouns), he’s impaled by metal spikes and left to die at some point, and he manages to apologize for “everything he did,” though apparently only through some level of force. “Everything he did” is interestingly vague– is that implying that the boy was the cause of the time loop, or just that he was apologizing for the terrible things he did as a result of his bored insanity? What forced him into the apology if he was “left alone?” These characteristics may apply to the APQ speaker as well, under the assumption that the boy and the speaker are allegories for the same character.

So, those are the two main pieces of information that I’m aware of that lead people to devise the time loop theory. In case it’s important, I’ve also compiled some of the instances I could remember offhand of DRDT characters bringing up the cyclical nature of humanity and how things never change.

Any of these characters’ ideas about what “always has to happen” could be supported and/or challenged in the future by a time loop.

I also know that some people like to bring up the comments section portion of Literature Girl Insane (conveniently written over the words “the world won’t change!”) as evidence of DRDT being stuck in a time loop. I could explain why I don’t think that’s the case, but FF already did that as part of their giant LGI analysis video (which I will continue to recommend). I don’t think I can really put it any better than they did, so I encourage you to watch that section of the video at least if you’re curious as to why I won’t be including this as evidence.

And now, for a summary of what we’ve learned so far, the basics of the Time Loop Theory. Due to the About Page Quote, the summary of Forever Dead, and references to cyclical behavior, some believe that the characters in the DRDT killing game are experiencing a time loop. The speaker of the APQ, who is possibly the mastermind, is likely the only one of the sixteen students who is aware of this. When the loop began, they put their all into trying to achieve the best ending. However, over time, they became more bitter, first turning to wreaking havoc before succumbing to apathy. They have somehow captured “Teacher,” the protagonist of altDRDT, in an inescapable state of suffering, in order to teach him a lesson about how foolish it is to continue to care about others. They’re a bit of a cynical know-it-all, but their dedication to correcting Teacher’s behavior proves that they haven’t fully given up on humanity.

Basic facts, established! However, this is still pretty vague, and there are plenty more details to sort through. How about we start with…

How?

Because even among people who believe there is a time loop, there are many definitions of what a time loop can mean. In this section, I’ll aim to figure out which I think is the most likely in two broad categorization systems.

Is the time loop meta or non-meta?

A meta time loop would be one that is directly caused by the player/viewer interacting with the property, breaking the fourth wall. For DRDT, this would mean something along the lines of “every time you rewatch an episode of Despair Time, the characters are forced to relive the events of the day in an eternal loop, and they’ve started to wise up about it.” Conversely, a non-meta time loop would exist in the plot regardless of what its audience is doing, and be caused by a force that exists within the story. “After Teruko accidentally broke Eden’s favorite grandfather clock, Teruko was cursed to repeat her worst day over and over again.”

DRDT has made some fourth wall-breaking jokes before, such as when MonoTV directly references YouTube or the narrator tells the viewer to like the video and subscribe to give Teruko power. Because of this, it’s really tempting to think that DRDT is going for a meta time loop. However, given the actual text we have to work with, I think it’s more likely that we’re looking at a non-meta time loop. Remember how we learned that the APQ speaker exists in a physical space and not a metaphysical one? Focusing on the physical space of their environment and living conditions is drawing attention to how the world is real to them, not just a collection of pixels flattened into a video file. The Forever Dead boy also had to “apologize for what he did,” which might imply that the character was responsible for the time loop, not the audience.

Most of all, though, it’s the concept of “surviv[ing] until we all run out of food and starve to death” that makes me think that the time loop is not meta. Why? Because it makes it sound like there are different possible endings out there. If the time loop was caused by me going back and repeatedly rewatching the CharWhit FTE, there’s only one way that that FTE can start, and one way it can end. No matter how many times I make the characters loop that interaction, there’s only one version of that episode posted to YouTube. The APQ speaker makes it clear that they, as a character, attempted multiple things and achieved different results with them until they exhausted all viable possibilities and grew bored. I can only make the characters do one thing, but the characters within the story can, in theory, do whatever they want.

Really, a lot of it boils down to the medium in which DRDT is told. A lot of what I “know” about time loops comes from watching theory videos about Undertale and Deltarune. I won’t spoil either of those games for those who haven’t played them, but in Undertale, the player’s input is directly related to the time travel elements that the characters experience. This connection works really well because Undertale is a video game. Video games are a fantastic medium for meta commentary because player input is required for the game to function. The player can make choices of where to go or who to trust that have an impact on the story, which then makes it easy for the story to turn back towards the player and question the choices they made. DRDT, however, is a video series, not a game like the original Danganronpa. Its formatting would make calling the viewer’s impact into question, because we’ve hardly done anything other than want to watch the show. We have no impact on the direction of the plot.

Of course, I’m not trying to say that it’s impossible for anything other than a video game to tackle meta subjects. DRDTdev should be allowed to tell a meta fangan story without being forced into the life of a programmer. However, with all these elements combined, I think it’s more likely that DRDT’s time loop would be a canonical, non-meta one. Because of this, our follow up questions will be based around how the time loop could have formed in canon.

Is the time loop magical or scientific in origin?

A magical time loop could be something that appears as some sort of spell, legend, or artifact, such as the example with Teruko and the grandfather clock that I provided above. I would also count time loops that just appear out of nowhere in the “magical” category. One of the most famous time loop stories in modern Western cinema, Groundhog Day, could be thought of as a magical time loop, because the main character entered a time loop as a repercussion for his rotten personality seemingly out of nowhere. A scientific time loop would be the consequence of pushing the boundaries of science, whether purposefully (“Veronika, after researching the fourth dimension, put the killing game in a time loop so that she could experience its thrills forever”) or accidentally (“Trying to bring Ellie back to life, Charles’ time machine malfunctioned and trapped him in a time loop”).

Honestly, I’m really torn on this one. That may come as a surprise to some of you– how on earth could DRDT’s time loop be magical? The answer is our lovely protagonist herself, Teruko Tawaki. If Teruko’s luck, a supernatural force, created the time loop, then it’s magical in origin. It’s already been hinted that this could be the case through Teruko’s “you all have the misfortune of being ‘characters’” speech. Does Teruko know how stories like this work out because she’s looped through them before? If Mai is a lucky student, the time loop being a result of her luck or the combination of her and Teruko’s luck would also be magical. Assuming that luck was something that they were born with, that is.

However, it would also be very easy for DRDT’s time loop to be scientific in origin. The mysterious company XF-Ture Tech is clearly being set up for some kind of relevance down the road, which could be a science experiment gone wrong that resulted in a time loop. This could even be the thing that “Unnamed Student” (Mai) asked Xander to dig into.

That might seem like a bit of a leap, given that Mai is asking Xander to look into Hope’s Peak, not XF-Ture Tech. However, we already know that XF Tech had a vested interest in Hope’s Peak through their sponsorship of Min.

Personally, I don’t think that the XF Tech CEO would have had much personal interest in Min outside of her skill/potential, based on how Min describes him as a stranger. That means that the CEO’s goals must have been to sponsor the future Ultimate Student. The entire Ultimate Contest may have existed just because XF Tech wanted to get an insider within the Hope’s Peak system. There’s evidence to show that Hope’s Peak and XF Tech may have been collaborating– Mai asks why Hope’s Peak would even announce an Ultimate Contest, and Min answers from the perspective of the prospective student. But, why would Hope’s Peak want an Ultimate Student obtained through that method/at that time? If Min really did poison the competition to win, the entire Contest may have been rigged from the beginning to get an XF representative into the East Class.

Because of all this, I’m inclined to say that DRDT’s time loop is both magical and scientific in origin. Here’s what I’m thinking: 13-27 years ago, XF-Ture Tech signed some sort of deal with the new Hope’s Peak Academy that would allow them to look into students and their talents, much like how the original Hope’s Peak Academy was studying the origins of luck. HPA agreed for the money, while XF Tech believed that the partnership would help them sell better products/services, either through getting the first scoop on up-and-comers in the field or by scientifically developing talent rather than allowing it to occur naturally. That might sound really similar to what already happened in DRDT’s canon universe with the Kamukura project, but, hey, maybe part of the whole “time loop” motif would be history repeating and man not being able to shake the desire to play God.

Anyways, when they made this deal (or potentially a little while after it), they also decided that it would be good if XF Tech could be directly represented by one of the students in a future class. I can’t say exactly why they wanted this to be the case, but maybe HPA and XF Tech were either looking for a good excuse to go public with their relationship, or they knew that something or someone relevant would come to pass through the school in ~13 years, and wanted a man on the inside. Therefore, HPA put out a pre-rigged Contest searching for the Ultimate Student, which was destined to be won by whoever the XF Tech CEO determined was the best candidate. The CEO chose Min, and spent 13 years coaxing her into the perfect grateful, insecure, and study-focused representative out there.

Whether it was their goal from the start or a new development that caught their eye, XF Tech took particular note of Teruko and her strange luck, and wanted to research it. Teruko, who was desperate for support, let them study her, and eventually came to trust that they had her best interests at heart. But, over time, they pushed it too far. As some sort of reaction to their scientific prodding, Teruko’s luck magically created a time loop in an attempt to prevent XF Tech from bothering her any further.

Cool fanfic, right? While I’m aware that there are a lot of holes and leaps in logic– and we’ll get to those– I do think there’s reason to believe that Teruko is at the epicenter of the time loop for one reason or another. As we were all made aware of at the very beginning of the series…

… ending the killing game is correlated to killing Teruko Tawaki. Therefore, this person at least believes that the end of the killing game is related to the end of Teruko’s life. So, if the time loop is also related to the killing game– which it is, as established by the APQ– then the end of Teruko’s life would also possibly cause the end of the time loop. To quote a wise wizard, it’s maaaagic. The theory that Teruko’s secret is “the killing game is all your fault” also fits here perfectly.

So, it’s not as big of a leap in logic as it might seem like on the surface, even if it’s still basically my audition for being the Ultimate Jumper. However, now that the basics of the theory were mostly established in the “What?” section, I think I have a bit more room to inject my own thoughts and theories in here. I can’t draw any conclusions without making some guesses, and I can’t assess what the hell is going on without any conclusions. Call what follows specifically “Accirax’s Time Loop Theory” if you think I’m starting to veer too far off track from what’s plausible. I promise I’m still going to try to use actual, textual evidence whenever I can, though.

At any rate, there are still a lot of holes. Most notably, why would a time loop that Teruko’s luck created contain a killing game in it? Was she already in a killing game when the time loop began, or did her luck create the killing game? We’ll talk about that a bit more in the next section, along with some other stuff.

When?

Before getting back to the question of why a killing game would happen in this time loop, I think it’s important to establish some of the basic facts that the “When?” section might imply. Such as, “what events occurred before the time loop started?,” and, “what events occurred after the time loop started?” That’s a funny question to ask with regards to time loops specifically, but there are still things we can piece together.

Firstly, we can be pretty confident that the canonical properties Trigger Happy Havoc, Goodbye Despair, Ultra Despair Girls, and End of Hope’s Peak happened before DRDT. (V3 is, as usual, so weird that I have no clue if DRDT will attempt to explain it as part of the canonical timeline or not.) The Tragedy was confirmed as canon to the DRDT universe by Veronika in Chapter 2 Episode 2, and Min/Mai in A History of Hope’s Peak.

If the Tragedy and Hope’s Peak Academy are canon, then I see no reason why those four games, which all relate to the Tragedy, wouldn’t be as well. There’s also the mysterious “Ms. Naegi” that’s listed in the credits of Literature Girl Insane, and Teruko’s reference to “a past killing game.”

Although the event Teruko mentions could be any killing game with Monokuma as its mascot, I would suspect that she is specifically mentioning the Hope’s Peak Academy Killing Game of THH here, as it was the first and the one that was widely broadcast. Notably, although Veronika knows a lot about the Tragedy and by all accounts should be super into the killing games, she doesn’t remember another killing game happening before. That leaves us with two basic options. 1) Teruko had access to secret knowledge about the killing games that the general public didn’t, or, 2) something about the creation of this killing game caused Veronika (and likely the other non-Terukos as well) to forget about the HPA killing game. I would lean towards the second, given that the broadcast of the HPA killing game and Junko’s involvement in it were such major historical events that I would really expect that society wouldn’t forget about them so easily.

Another huge piece of information comes from the Chapter 2 Part 1 Q&A.

From this question, we know that a person who is 80-ish years old was old enough to be alive during the Tragedy itself. In THH, Makoto’s orientation letter is dated to the release year of the game, 2010 (2014 for the English release), which means that the Tragedy probably started in 2011. We can approximate, then, that DRDT takes place sometime around 2090, give or take a few decades depending on how long the Tragedy lasted and at what point with regards to it Duke was born. Not super important to this theory, but it is interesting.

So, the Tragedy probably happened around 80 years before the time loop began. We also know that the school that Min, Mai, and Xander attend, which hosts the East Class, was probably founded ~27 years before the time loop began, because that trio is part of East Class 27. Interestingly, this means that the new American Hope’s Peak was founded ~50 years after the Tragedy. That’s a fairly long amount of time.

As for events that more directly preceded the time loop, I think that both Bonus Episodes would have happened before the killing game, as well as Teruko’s flashback about Mai in Chapter 1. Xander, Min, and Mai attended HPA before encountering the killing game/time loop, despite no one in DRDT remembering ever going to HPA. Rose says in the prologue that it’s been a year or two since the HPA entrance ceremony should have happened, which means that the students probably attended HPA for at least a year before the killing game started. The chalkboard in the classroom that Min and Mai sit in also advertises Spring Break, which, in American schools, is pretty close to the end of the typical school year. That’s more evidence that they spent a considerable amount of time attending HPA.

Now, for events that happened after the inception of the time loop. The only thing I think we know of for sure is the events of the DRDT killing game. That would be part of the time loop, infinitely recurring after the point at which the loop began. I’m also hesitantly going to call altDRDT a sequel instead of a prequel… but, uh, we’ll get more into my overall theories on that later.

Okay, now back to why a loop Teruko’s luck created would have had a killing game in it. I’ve come up with three theories, all of which are… dubious, at best.

Theory #1: The killing game came from Teruko’s subconscious. Teruko’s luck is a part of who she is, and therefore, any effects it may have are based on what Teruko knows and how she feels. Perhaps, just before the time loop began, Teruko learned about the Hope’s Peak Academy Killing Game, whether in class or through shadier sources. When her “magic” snapped and the time loop began, because the killing game was on her mind, it manifested before her. Basically, the time loop would operate much like a dream, where the things you learn in real life come back in surreal ways. I don’t like this one because it leans in really hard to the magic aspect. Although Danganronpa has always been science fiction, letting Teruko’s emotions create an entirely new magical realm seems like jumping the shark.

Theory #2: XF-Ture Tech wanted to test Teruko with a killing game. Their research into her and her luck is quite similar to that of Nagito or the Kamukura project, so why not test their findings in the same ways that Nagito and Hajime were tested? Things amidst this theory that make sense are XF-Ture Tech, a tech company, possibly creating MonoTV, and the prospect of Teruko’s friends dying in a killing game adding an extra kick to why her luck would step in and create a time loop out of desperation. Things that don’t make sense include how the hell XF-Ture Tech would manage to pull this off (especially if constrained by legality/friendship with HPA) and where the hell they would be now. That second question could be answered by, “it was Min,” I suppose, but the first is still off.

Theory #3: The killing game was introduced to contain Teruko. I’m not entirely sure how this would work, but, basically, something else would have triggered Teruko’s luck to start the loop, and then someone (Hope’s Peak, Mai, the Spurlings, who knows) would have introduced a killing game in there in hopes of having something happen. This idea was sort of spurred on by the note that Xander had to kill Teruko Tawaki. Let’s say that Teruko is a huge, powerful problem, much like Junko or Izuru. If you can find a way to breach the time loop she’s created to introduce a killing game, she has to die eventually, right? Victim after victim, blackened after blackened– if Teruko is trapped in an eternal killing game, it seems like at least one of them would have to randomly stumble into her dying. However, I then have to ask how and why the other DRDT characters wound up in this killing game. Them all agreeing to volunteer for this potentially kamikaze plan seems unrealistic given their personalities. So, were they just collateral damage of the original time loop, roped into this last-ditch effort plan? How would a seemingly closed off loop be “breached” to such a drastic extent, anyways?

I once again feel like I’m missing something here, but I also don’t think any of my previous assumptions were wrong. I just can’t understand why the killing game would have come to exist within this time loop. Maybe it has to do with the person who started the killing game?

Who?

Oh yeah, it’s time to talk about the mastermind again, baby. But, obviously, filtering it through the assumption that there is a time loop will change my overall assessments. Now, we have to look for someone with the means, motives, and thematic… fittingness(?) to be involved with Looping the class.

Let’s start with some options that seem so obviously incorrect that I don’t have anything to say. Why would Ace, Hu, Levi, or Nico be the one to have started a killing game within this time loop? Ace’s cowardice already made him seem unlikely, and making the danger zone neverending makes the premise all the more bizarre. You would have to reach pretty far to characterize Hu as the APQ speaker who claims to be incredibly bored and apathetic. Levi wants to change as a person, so inflicting a stagnant time loop seems counter to his goals. Nico… just doesn’t seem to have any aspect of their character line up with the premise of a time loop? Like, if Nico were the character you created to be the mastermind of a time loop killing game, what aspects of how they turned out would reflect that? In my opinion, there are no connections, which makes Nico not it.

Some more less likely options… Arei has some dialogue about people’s behaviors not changing, but especially given her (likely) death, I don’t think it’s enough to call her the mastermind. Given that David is alive, he fares better than Arei under the same scrutiny, but I still feel like the mastermind’s power in this context is more than the desperate, run-ragged David we’ve seen in the second Class Trial. He cares too much, in his own David way. I feel like Rose should be doing better given how highly I ranked her in my main mastermind post, but I’ve been trying to fit the Spurlings into this time loop thing, and I haven’t been able to manage anything. J is much the same, although the whole “TV show” argument still gives her some traction. Although Arturo is generally a smart, scientific kind of guy, being a plastic surgeon doesn’t seem to mesh with whatever science would be needed to make a scientific time loop.

And then there’s Whit. Look. I’m as tired of airing my grievances with Whit mastermind theory as you probably are of reading me air them. However, Whit definitely merits his own section due to one of the main pieces of Whit mastermind scripture (to my knowledge) directly tying the APQ to his candidacy. While I definitely respect and appreciate that aspect of this theory, I don’t buy it myself. By demodraws’ word, this theory is more of a “list of evidence.” The only items on that list that I see directly relate to the APQ are that 1) the Forever Dead character, who may be linked to the speaker, identifies as a boy, and that 2) the speaker expresses grief. Although, that second point is also linked to the belief that the mysterious quote at the beginning of Chapter 1 is said by the same person who said the APQ, which isn’t necessarily the case.

I certainly agree that Whit’s character is the most tied to the concepts of grief and idolizing the dead. However, there are many other characters who do the same. Charles mourns Elliot after remembering his existence, Arturo mourns Felicity whenever he’s confronted with the truth, Xander mourns his family and how he couldn’t do more. (Why do so many DRDT characters have dead family members?) Eden has mourned Min and Arei since their deaths. You can also make the argument that the APQ speaker is more so mourning who they became and how things used to be more than mourning or idolizing any dead compatriots. Rose mourns being shackled to the Spurlings, David mourns the loss of his career once his secret is out, Levi mourns never knowing the right thing to say around Ace. With so many griefheads running around, I don’t find Whit’s connection to the subject compelling enough to label him mastermind.

Then there’s the “boy” aspect. Obviously, Whit isn’t the only boy in DRDT either– as far as we know, Xander, Charles, Ace, Levi, Arturo, and David also identify as boys. However, I also don’t think that the Forever Dead character being a boy is a majorly important piece of evidence. Assuming that Forever Dead is autobiography-flavored fiction as opposed to a genuine biography, the gender of the character it’s describing feels like a detail that DRDTdev could have easily changed to make the parallel less obvious. Although, then you might ask, “why bother including the character’s gender at all, then?” In my opinion, Veronika talks for long enough that it would have been really hard to get through the entire monologue without ever establishing a set of pronouns for the protagonist.  “It’s about a _____'' is also a pretty natural way to introduce a story to someone for the first time. Choosing the fairly inconsequential “boy” is a lot less revealing than if Veronika said something more targeted; such as, “it’s about a marriage counselor.” I can’t deny that Veronika talking about a boy could be an important clue, but hopefully I’ve explained why I’m not hinging my entire theory off of it.

Alright, now we’re on to people who I think could genuinely make sense as a time loop mastermind. I think it’s probably most fitting to start with Eden. Because, you know… clocks… time… making time… you can’t go back no matter how hard you try… it’s not a hard conclusion to draw. DRDT has many underlying mysteries, but as compared to something as mysterious as, say, Mai, the concept of a time loop is even further obscured. Making your mastermind the Ultimate Clockmaker is something that would seem totally harmless on the surface, but be a great twist when the truth of the time loop is revealed. The issue is… other than her talent, I don’t think Eden has much going for her here. I guess you could argue that, if the killing game time loop is meant to help Teruko in some way, Eden has been very dedicated to her goal of supporting others. However, whether that’s the case or not, it’s hard to make an argument that Eden doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Maybe if the APQ quote is said in the future, and this is evidence of Eden undergoing the change that the APQ speaker described…? Eden is a definite possibility, but given all this in addition to my other theories as to where her character is headed, I think it’s an unlikely one.

Next, Veronika. As the one who introduced us to Forever Dead, she definitely has some connection to this time loop nonsense. The question is, how strong can that connection get? The main thing that I like about Veronika being the time loop mastermind is how well her character seems to fit with the APQ speaker’s personality. Both of them face boredom as their greatest enemy, and the APQ listing terror and fear as the top two emotions they wish they could still feel would match really well with a Horror Fanatic. My biggest problem is my main issue with Veronika being the mastermind in general: it just feels too obvious. Having Veronika directly state, “I can’t stand boring things,” and having the APQ speaker directly state, “anything else is better than boredom” is a really, really clear connection between the two. Would DRDTdev really want to drop such a decisive clue so early into the story? I can’t be sure. But my gut leans “no.”

It’s kind of impossible to talk about the possibility of Xander or Min being the time loop mastermind separately, because they share so many of the same points. Under the assumption that XF-Ture Tech is behind the time loop somehow, both of them may have connections to it. Min’s is undeniable– she’s clearly told us that they’ve sponsored her, and she wears their paraphernalia– while Xander may have been interrogating their actions as part of Mai’s scheme and/or in the first scene with the bloody hands over the documents. Both of them would serve similar narrative roles as someone who Teruko once wanted to trust who then betrayed her. And, obviously, both of them would be characters who appeared to die in Chapter 1 who would then return to serve as the mastermind, which could be an out-of-universe parallel or an in-universe reference to how Junko portrayed herself in the Hope’s Peak Academy killing game. Using a time loop to bring your thought-to-be-dead mastermind back for Chapter 6 would be pretty sick, I have to say.

Similarly, both of their greatest flaws lie within the realm of characterization. Neither of them strike me as the particularly apathetic type– Xander still seems to care ferociously about doing what’s right, and Min sounded genuinely desperate as she pleaded for her life. It’s possible that they could have been acting, or some time-loop induced amnesia made them forget their true feelings, but either case would still be a major shift in character. If I had to pick one of them to be more likely, I’d probably go with Min? The speaker’s insistence that they know what’s up could match with Min’s scholarly attitude, and I like her increased connection to XF Tech as well as Teacher. However, I still feel that Xander would have the greater impact upon being brought back– Teruko grew closer to him than she did to Min, and other characters, such as David (if he’s still alive) would also likely have a greater reaction to Xander’s return– so for that reason, I kind of prefer him as well.

Despite the pros and cons of all fifteen other options, this theory is clearly the most straightforward if Teruko is the mastermind. You remove all elements of how someone would have to spring either the killing game or the time loop on Teruko, and allow her to make all of the plans herself. Whether it was fully intentional or not, “the killing game is all your fault” (italicization mine) would make the most sense in this scenario. Furthermore, Teruko definitely fits the attitude of the APQ. I don’t know when she would have said it– between loops, possibly?-- but I can totally imagine her outlining how she used to care, but constant suffering and betrayal caused her to corrode.

The real question here is just why she would have put herself in the killing game to begin with. My first thought was “go through a killing game an infinite number of times and somehow something will finally result in getting Teruko to die,” if Teruko wants to die. But, that sort of contradicts what probably-Xander had to say about “end the killing game or at least kill Teruko.” Because, if the killing game is intended to kill Teruko, then ending the killing game could mean Teruko doesn't die, not satisfying what's framed as the more important of the two goals. Maybe if he was just mistaken as to what the purpose of the game was…? Or, if the time loop leaned more on the magical side, maybe the loop itself is keeping Teruko in the killing game until she can learn to trust others, no matter how dire the consequences. These other Ultimates were looped in for… accuracy to Junko’s original, I suppose? Or, maybe Teruko threw them in as a form of punishment for their misdeeds.

Anyone who isn’t a part of a killing game, such as Elliot or Ryan, raises some questions about how the speaker could be “stuck in here” and communicating with those who are part of the time loop. The most obvious option in this category is Mai, simply due to being the most relevant to the plot. She’s heavily involved with the secrets hidden in the website’s code, just like the APQ, and we know from Teruko’s own quote that “some years ago, [Mai] was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’” We also don’t technically know what her Ultimate talent is (although I think it’s very likely to be Lucky Student), which leaves the door open for her talent to be something useful with regards to setting the time loop up. Even a second Lucky Student could create some sort of weird clash of the titans that resulted in a time loop.

A common argument against Mai being the mastermind is that she is, in all likelihood, dead. However, with a time loop in play, there’s the possibility of resurrection. It could even be the reason why Teruko (or whoever) created the time loop in the first place. However, even if it’s pretty likely that Mai could be involved in the conception of the time loop, I’m not sure if it would be in a way that made her the APQ speaker and/or the mastermind. For the former, it’s that same issue of not being in the killing game, and for the latter, I more so see someone else creating the killing game for her than her making it herself. Probably. I dunno, Mai is a mystery.

Given the criteria of “in a killing game,” it’s also possible that the APQ speaker could be one of the characters in the altDRDT cast, though presumably not Teacher. They would have the easiest path to talk to Teacher, as opposed to the regular DRDT cast, who may have more trouble accessing him. However, there’s basically no shot at anyone in the altDRDT cast being DRDT’s mastermind, other than maybe Teacher. None of those characters have appeared on DRDT’s main hub, its YouTube channel, at all. Suddenly unveiling one of those characters– who even the hardcore fans know very little about– as the mastermind would be pretty out of nowhere. So, to the extent that the mastermind was the one who set up the time loop, I don’t think that any of the altDRDT characters created the time loop.

I think that’s pretty much every viable time loop mastermind option. I don’t know if we really determined anything all too specific, but it’s nice to sort out where all our pieces lie. As I said, I think that Teruko is by far the most logical option under the assumption that the killing game and the time loop are connected in a way where they must have been created by the same person. However, there are definitely other possibilities if you allow yourself to think outside that box.

Why?

On to arguably the most important of the categories: why? It doesn’t matter how much logical sense a time loop would make in DRDT’s world if there’s no narrative reason for it to exist in the first place. How would adding a time loop to DRDT’s story improve its themes and messages?

Well, as I already discussed in the What? and Who? sections, many characters grapple with themes of an unchanging world. What better device to reflect that mentality than one that literally shows the same sequence repeating over and over again? The fantastical concept of a time loop could emphasize and heighten the mistrust that Teruko feels. Using the time loop in that way would assign a concrete obstacle to an internal struggle, much like how the killing game itself is a physical manifestation of the helplessness of despair. Writers often enjoy employing devices like these to have a more tangible end goal for the protagonist to notably vanquish. Knowing exactly what’s going on in Teruko’s mind at any given moment might be difficult, especially given DRDT’s format. But, if Teruko sends the time loop created by her own tragic expectations shattering to pieces, we’ll know she made progress.

Additionally, Danganronpa itself posed the question of why we as fans continue to be interested in the killing game formula after seeing it play out so many times. In v3, they framed the killing game as the 53rd in a series to further emphasize the repetitive nature of this ritual sacrifice. Putting DRDT in a time loop could accomplish a very similar goal. As Veronika theorized in Chapter 2 Episode 7, the killing game will only continue for as long as audiences are entertained by it. In a never ending time loop killing game, will fans always be able to find entertainment? What does that say about them…?

Having a killing game within a time loop is a unique premise, as far as I’m aware. I’ve never before seen a fangan that decided to incorporate that into its plot. (Although, that may be a symptom of fangans tending to fizzle out before the finish line.) Making a fangan stand out can be tricky, and although DRDT already has the advantage of being fully illustrated, partially voice acted, and shown in a video format, having a unique gimmick can be a point of inspiration and a sales pitch. Similarly, Ultimate Lucky Student is a talent often tackled, both by the canon games (twice) and by other fangans. If the time loop is related to Teruko’s luck, that would also be a memorable and creative interpretation of a commonplace talent.

As for how a time loop would actually impact the story as it is, the obstacle it creates would definitely raise the stakes high for a Chapter 6 Trial. Like, how the hell are they supposed to beat that? Reiterating what I said earlier, a time loop could also be a clever way to revive a character (or characters) who previously died. If one of the starting premises of DRDT was “what if I had a mastermind that appeared to die in ch1, only to strikingly return in the finale?”, a time loop could have been the method invented to make that happen.

So, in summary, yes, I think there is sufficient narrative support to justify the inclusion of a time loop in DRDT. Maybe I should’ve cleared this section out of the way earlier in the theory. Oh well, too late now. But, if I had the chance to start it all over again, maybe I could do things differently next time…! Or, maybe I’d wind up writing the same thing every time regardless…

Where?

It’s a little silly of me to co-opt the “Where?” section as basically a summary of how I think the time loop theory would best play out, but I have my reasons. “Where?” seeks to answer where the time loop originated, and who was in it when it started. Thus, with so much focus on how the time loop began, talking about the cause and result alongside that made sense to me. The full Accirax Time Loop Theory will be in blue below, with more discussion afterward to answer whether I believe in it or not. Closing Argument starts… now!

The Tragedy ended nearly 80 years ago, and the new American Hope’s Peak Academy was founded about 50 years after that. Some time between HPA’s founding and 13 years ago, an up-and-coming tech company– XF-Ture Tech– partnered with Hope’s Peak Academy to take a more scientific look at the origins of talent in young students, much like what happened in pre-Tragedy days. XF-Ture Tech already had their eyes on one promising youth, “XF,” who they prepared to send to the West Academy. To place a representative into the East Class, XF Tech encouraged Hope’s Peak Academy to host the Ultimate Contest, with the intention of rigging the exam to get their applicant of choice into the school. This wound up being Min Jeung, who was placed in East Class 27.

Whether because of XF Tech’s request or simply due to respect for the history of the Academy, Hope’s Peak also once again began admitting Ultimate Lucky Students into their program. Their two candidates for Class 27 were Teruko Tawaki, who was sent to the West Academy, and Mai Akasaki, who was sent to the East Academy. XF Tech was quite interested in both of the students, but particularly Teruko. The way that her bad luck affected not only herself, but others as well, was very reminiscent of Nagito Komaeda, a major historical figure in both the start and the end of the Tragedy. XF Tech told both Min and “XF” to look out for Teruko as best they could, making sure nothing would come to harm their new test subject, and prepared to begin experimenting on Teruko’s luck.

Meanwhile, in the East Class, Mai fit in swimmingly. She grew really close with all of her classmates, but particularly with Min and Xander. Mai had already begun searching for Teruko several years before they wound up being recruited at opposite Hope’s Peaks– possibly because of their shared connection to good and/or bad luck– so when she heard a bit more about Teruko from Min, her interest was piqued. Recruiting her favorite Rebel to the cause, Mai asked Xander to sneak around in Hope’s Peak Academy to learn more about what the connection between the Academy, XF-Ture Tech, and Teruko was.

What they learned in the documents was the reality of what was happening in the West Class: XF-Tech was intermittently running physical and mental tests on Teruko to determine exactly what the range and power of her curse-like abilities was. Could her raw Ultimate power rival that of someone like Nagito, or perhaps even Junko Enoshima? Throwing a few mediocre lives at that question would be well worth the answer, wouldn’t it…?

Using their social connections and financial power, XF-Ture Tech arranged for West Class 27 to be taken to a self-contained abandoned mall to begin their most dramatic test yet: seeing if Teruko’s luck would carry her through a killing game against other Ultimates, just as it could have for Nagito or Junko or as it did for Izuru Kamukura. The killing game commenced, and while Teruko might not have been a target from Day 1, at some point in the story, someone attempted to kill her. And… It worked.

What a disappointment. Was Teruko’s luck really so weak when push came to shove?

But then, something truly unexpected happened: the killing game began again. Unable to accept her death, Teruko’s luck engulfed the entire mall into a time loop, running the killing game over and over again until the results were satisfactory. The rest of the world moved forward in linear time as usual, but the mall was stuck in an infinite killing game. XF Tech, amazed and delighted, diverged all of their resources into the study of this phenomenon, protecting it closely.

Mai and Xander were horrified upon learning this, and knew that they had to do something to save West Class 27. Mai, Xander, and potentially some others ran over to the site of the test to see if they could break in, get further intel, change someone’s mind, or anything to get the killing game to stop. However, as they did, they were attacked by XF Tech’s security, resulting in Xander losing an eye… and Mai losing her life. At that moment, Xander vowed that, no matter what it took, he would end the killing game and save the rest of West 27… or, at the very least, kill Teruko to avenge Mai’s life.

Meanwhile, within the time loop, the deja vu (and possibly some comments from the XF Tech-controlled mascot?) began to make Teruko wise up to what was happening. While her original plan was to get along with everyone in the killing game, trusting them and being their hero, she found that every one of those routes led to death and personal tragedy/betrayal. Teruko learned that, if she stopped caring about others, she could at least cut down on the personal tragedy aspect.

Teacher, as a perceptive and intelligent soul, was the next to piece together that something about the killing game was unnatural based on Teruko’s behavior. In one loop, Teruko winds up saying the APQ to him, revealing her new attitude. Either Teruko or Teacher could fit the description of the Forever Dead boy with how their minds began to fracture.

Outside of the time loop, Xander formulated his new plan. When his village was eradicated, it was a case of the rich and powerful obliterating the little guy with their unmatched resources. To fight back, you have to become as big as your attackers. You can only defeat a time loop with a time loop. You can only save Ultimates by putting more Ultimates’ lives at risk.

Thankfully, it wasn’t too hard to motivate the rest of East Class 27 to join Xander in his crusade. Although he himself may have been a love-or-hate figure amidst his classmates, everyone loved Mai, and wanted to help fulfill her dying wish. Plus, in theory, the plan shouldn’t risk any of their lives. Weaponizing the time loop killing game’s unending nature against it, the goal was to repeat the killing game as many times as it takes until Teruko dies as the first victim. Her luck has to fail her at some point– it’s a corrupt system; it can be broken, argues Xander– and at that point, they’ll simply end the killing game with no other casualties. To make it easier on everyone else, Xander even promised to be the one to make the first move against Teruko, every time. He left a note on him when the time loop started to always remind him.

Anyways, using some combination of Xander’s determination, Charles’ science, J and/or David’s money, Whit and/or David’s connections, and remaining vestiges of Mai’s luck (LGI “original” Color Theory pulling through???), East Class 27 managed to break the abandoned mall time loop. They pulled Teruko into their own killing game, “masterminded” by Xander, in which her luck would hopefully be less of an obstacle. The DRDT killing game we’ve seen thus far could be their first attempt or their thousandth, but whatever the case, the plan to get Teruko to die as the first victim hasn’t succeeded thus far. It’s especially hard to get it to work when Teruko has the lingering thought in the back of her mind that she can’t be killed… and when Min still has a vague memory that she’s supposed to keep Teruko out of danger.

Even though the altDRDT cast, West Class 27, escaped the time loop, they aren’t out of the killing game woods just yet. The East Class managed to catch them mid-killing game, after two Trials passed. But, due to the confusion of the time loop, none of them can remember what happened in that particular iteration of the game, or Teruko’s disappearance, which leaves them at only 11 participants. Quite the mysterious circumstance, indeed…

That’s the best I could come up with. Got some points of concern? Me too! Here are the ones I’m thinking of right now:

Would HPA (presumably headed by “Ms. Naegi”) really allow XF-Tech to do anything remotely close to what I described to Teruko?

How would XF-Ture Tech have known enough about Teruko’s luck when Teruko was 5 to recruit Min (and “XF”) to be in the correct classes at the correct time?

Is XF-Ture Tech really that important to the story?

Is Mai actually that close to Min and Xander specifically, or are we just biased because those are the two Bonus Episodes we’ve seen thus far?

Didn't Mai and Teruko have a more extensive connection than what was described? (Matching tattoos, phone charms)

Why would Teruko’s luck create a time loop specifically? Why wouldn't it come up with some other way to save her?

Why would the time loop only be constrained to the mall?

Would Xander ever be willing to come that close to sacrificing innocents’ lives for the plan?

Would the entire DRDT cast really be willing to risk their time, if nothing else, to enter a killing game just to "avenge" Mai?

What could they have actually done against Teruko’s luck to break the mall time loop?

How could they have guaranteed that another time loop would begin if they managed to steal Teruko?

Where did MonoTV come from?

Why would the students have themed the killing game around TV?

Why would they throw the embarrassing secrets motive into their killing game if it was only meant to kill Teruko/that “round” theoretically shouldn’t even happen?

Why would Xander not have written the kill Teruko Tawaki note to himself? (He probably didn’t based on the handwriting)

If not Teruko’s death, what marker would signal the loop point of the DRDT killing game? Whenever the killing game seems to end?

What motive would XF-Ture Tech have to (presumably) continue the altDRDT killing game after the time loop is broken and Teruko is gone?

Why does altDRDT have NG code bracelets?

I could probably come up with more, but these are all the major questions I could think of at the moment. While not a “question,” per se, another point of contention for some would be that this would make Xander the mastermind of DRDT. It’s not a huge point of contention for me, both because 1) an off-the-wall situation like this is exactly what I think Xander would need to properly capitalize off of any narrative setup he may have for being the mastermind, and 2) @/sentinel-kinjo made a really good point in the replies of my DRDT mastermind post that definitely had me questioning whether I should’ve put Xander (and Charles) higher.

Anyways, despite all this effort– or maybe because of it– I think I personally don’t really believe in the theory that DRDT is part of a time loop. Somewhat like the Arei dress-up theory, I feel like there are too many oddities currently left unanswered for the theory to be actually viable. Unlike the Arei dress-up theory, though, I think that this one has far more potential to become correct via us receiving more information that either fills in some of our plot holes or reroutes the plot to avoid some of the biggest grievances.

The only thing I really like from this theory is that the altDRDT cast is West Class 27, AKA Teruko’s class. That’s gonna be my new personal headcanon until proven otherwise.

I’m not the only one who’s noticed that the DRDT fandom has been feeling a little sleepy (Min reference) lately, so thank you, anon, for helping to keep me cooking on the series during this semi-down period. …Even if it took me, like, two months to actually finish. Thank you for your patience, as well.

And thank you to everyone for reading this far! I think my mastermind theory still wound up being longer than this (although it’s hard to tell with the pictures), but this one is still a doozy. Also, if you have anything to add on or argue against, please share your thoughts in the comments or a reblog! I’d love to hear others’ thoughts, especially given how loosely defined the time loop theory was. Whether you do or don’t, I hope you enjoyed. See you at the next inexplicably long analysis!

[endthedream]

a sweet melody

pairing: siren!haechan x human!reader (she/her)

summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

words: 12.5k

story colour: green

some warnings:

it’s angst, the word “killing” gets mentioned a few times but nothing happens, heavy manipulation

masterlist of ‘nct dream as super natural creatures’

August 2nd, 1878

Day 25 on sea

I don’t remember the feeling of solid ground under my feet. Grass under my toes, touching stone walls or sleeping in a soft bed that isn’t rocking from the waves crashing against the ship.

I don’t remember the taste of air that isn’t filled with salt. The taste of anything other than fish.

I don’t remember not being nauseous every day, not fighting against boredom, not having to talk to myself in order to stay sane. Having to remind myself that I am me and this expedition isn’t pointless and could possibly make us rich until the day we die.

Father told me to write down my thoughts, he senses that I’m slowly losing my mind. But how can’t I? All I see, day and night, are endless expanses of water. No land in sight. We are miles and miles away from civilization. Alone with the sea and what lays beneath it. That thought can be frightening sometimes.

My brother called me a wimp, told me I should have just stayed at home and let the men handle it. I think he is the one who is a wimp. He’s scared of the power women can hold in a world that is overpowered by men. He doesn’t want me here, thinks I belong only at home like the other women in our city. But I don’t believe that even for one second. I have so much more potential than cooking and taking care of children. I’m an explorer, an adventurer, a researcher. I belong exactly here with my brother, my father and his crew.

I am so much more than all of them point me out to be and I know I can prove exactly that to them. I can prove that women can do all things men have been doing for years, maybe even better. I will prove it, even if it makes me go insane.

August 7th, 1878

Day 30 on sea

I miss my mother. I miss her comforting words, her warm arms and the smell of her perfume. Father misses her too. We talked last night while watching the waves under the moonlit sky. He told me he thinks she is watching over us, protecting us from unknown dangers. He told me that he thinks she is proud of us, especially me, for having the courage to explore the sea. I think he is right. Mother would have loved for us to do the things she always dreamt of doing. Exploring. She always wanted to know what lays beyond the sea, know the secrets behind it and write it all down.

Mother was the creative one in our family. She wrote poems, drew beautiful paintings and crafted useful things out of our waste. There was nothing she couldn’t do, no challenge she couldn’t face. I admired her for that, looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Father says that sometimes he sees a bit of her in me, a bit of her creativity leaking out of my aura, but most of the time I am like him. A big pighead who is way too nosy for their own good. But he also said that this trait will help me on our journey.

“We need people like you.”, he spoke as he looked into the sparkling reflection of the stars on the water. “People who are brave and people who are inquisitive. People who don’t stop when it gets too much and get driven by the passion of wanting to know what lays beneath the unknown. That’s why I want you here.”

“But why did you bring my brother as well? He is nothing like that.” My comment made him let out a quiet laugh, a sound I haven’t heard from him in a while.

“Because he can fight. We need people like that as well.”

Our talk was over after that. He went to sleep, and I stayed up, watching the stars in the dark night sky and thinking about his words. Does he really want me here or is he just being nice to me because I’m his daughter? The others on the ship are not shy to express their dislike for me. I’m not taking it to heart since they care more about my gender than my capabilities. But I care about my father’s opinion. I care what he thinks about me being on this ship with him and if he thinks that I should have stayed at home like everyone else is telling me.

I hope he didn’t lie to me. I hope that his words were sincere, and he actually wants me to be here. Because I think it would shatter me if he didn’t.

I figured I should talk more about my current mental state. Every day I try not to show how much it affects me that even though there are so many people on this ship, I’m still alone. No one wants to talk to me, no one cares about my opinion, and no one wants me here. I spend most of the day watching the ocean, listening to the waves and the birds stopping by. When I see something, an animal or even just seaweed, I write it down and draw a picture of it. It helps me a bit, I think, but I’m not quite sure.

Yesterday a boy, his name is Jisung, let me help him prepare a fish. It was the first time someone had spoken to me without throwing an insult at my head. I haven’t seen him much around the ship since he spends most of the time in the kitchen with his father. But he seemed nice enough, even though as soon as another crew member approached us, Jisung ran away from me, not wanting to be seen with the “intruder”. I wasn’t offended by it, at least I got to eat a nice fish for dinner.

But I’m wandering again. My mental state. I do think I’m getting a bit… well, crazy. But who isn’t? Everyone on this ship is going through the withdrawal of feeling solid ground under their toes and seeing anything other than salt water every single day.

I think we all are slowly losing it.

August 15th, 1878

Day 38 on sea

The air was nice today. It smelled fresher than before, kind of like we entered a new world overnight.

It just felt so clean.

Maybe that’s exactly what I needed, some fresh and clear air, something that removed the mess inside of me as well. Father said that fresh air always helps with an occupied mind. I guess his thesis has been proven right.

I should listen to him more.

He is old and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he actually does talk, it has an impact. Just yesterday two of the men on the boat accidently- in a drunken manor- knocked over two wooden boxes full of fish we haunted, leaving us with not much left. Father was furious, I could tell by the look on his face, but he kept his calm image. He went up to the two men and instead of screaming, he just stared at them for a few minutes. I think his eyes were what intimated them the most.

“You realize what you just did?”, he asked them, and I never heard his voice being so cold. They just nodded their heads, eyes widened like they were deer’s getting hunted by a wolf. “You realize what that means for the two of you?” Hesitation lingered in their demeanor. Clearly, they didn’t know what consequences followed their stupid mistake.

“Since you prevented us from having a week stock of fish, I’m going to do the same to you. That means limited access to food, no alcohol anymore and you are going to clean the boat from front to back. I want to see it spotless. Are we clear?” Again, their heads nodded faster than the wind blowing my hair away. They hurried off after being dismissed, leaving me standing there as father let out a long sigh.

It must be hard, having to be in charge of a bunch of grown men who act like children. And it must be hard seeing your own children having to face some of their own hardships as well. I’m not saying my brother is having a hard time on this ship, I’m saying in general. Someone filled with that much piled up anger, like my brother, must have some troubles they can’t communicate themselves.

It’s not like I have never tried. Talking to him, I mean. I did, plenty of times. But he never listens. And he never talks. I think it is the masculinity they force upon boys these days. It starts in school when they are just little fellows and continues all the way into adult hood. It teaches them not to cry, to hide their emotions and be strong.

I think that is stupid. I think that as human beings we were created to show our emotions. It’s our darn right to let ourselves feel everything freely without having to hide it.

But my brother is taking it seriously, says that the people in school would make fun of him if he’s showing weakness. Weakness. That is stupid. I think that hiding your emotions and building up this wrong image in which you hide behind a made-up strength, is what makes you weak.

I told him that and he just said: “And that’s why you’re a woman. You wouldn’t survive a minute being a man.”

And you wouldn’t survive a minute being a woman either. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to make him more upset, and I especially didn’t want to start a discussion about men and women with him. It is pointless, because no matter what I say, he will never see us as equals.

I wish I were closer to my brother. I wish he wouldn’t have to think about all this stupid stuff. And I wish I could live in a world where I could freely express myself without having to justify my every move.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

August 19th, 1878

Day 42 on sea

We saw dolphins today. They were swimming right beside our ship, jumping high up into the air and whistling at us. It was a magical moment, watching them happily swim, eager to interact with us. I even got to draw a picture of them. And for a moment I forgot that my mind is constantly spinning in a spiral. I just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace, before it got destroyed.

Some of the men on the ship, clearly drunk, threw bottles at the dolphins, slurring insulting words at them. The dolphins swam away shortly after, but the bottles stayed where they threw them, in the ocean. I was so mad that I went up to one of the men, yelling some pretty mean words as well.

“Are you out of your mind, you drunk filthy piece of shit? Not only did you hurt poor helpless animals that were clearly eager to interact with us, but you also polluted the ocean with your stupid bottles of alcohol. Are you really that messed up in your head to think this was a good idea? I don’t even get why you are on this god forsaken ship. You are clearly not good for anything other than drinking your days away and only caring about yourselves. And you call yourself a man. You are nothing but a pathetic little boy, wanting everyone’s attention. You disgust me, you pig.”

I can’t remember much afterwards, only the stinging feeling against my cheek, a foot against my rip cage and someone yelling to stop. I woke up not long ago. The ship is quiet, so I assume it’s already in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping, but I’m too scared to look. My body hurts, every time I move only a slight bit, a crushing pain curses through my bones.

When I close my eyes, everything is spinning, so I don’t close my eyes anymore.

I don’t regret what I said to that man. I don’t regret standing up to myself. I had to endure a worse treatment for a longer time and could handle it. It is not my fault that he couldn’t handle a bit of critique. All I hope is that this pain will go away soon. The pain inside and outside.

I’ve been thinking, maybe a bit too much. What if I change my way of thinking? What if instead of letting the ocean hurt me, I will let it heal me? What if instead of letting the loneliness consume me, I will let it lead me? Maybe all I have to do to get better is to change the way I approach this expedition.

And now that I have written it down, I will have to do it. My mother always said words only count when you write them on a piece of paper. In that way it is like a contract, unbreakable. It is like an oath you swear only to yourself, and those should be the most precious ones. She said you should always keep the promises you give to yourself, because after all, at the very end you will always have yourself to count on. Mother was a wise lady. A wise and confident woman, that I always looked up to. She was never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for her beliefs, I admired that side of her so much. And I know my dad also admired that.

Sometimes I forget that he lost his wife, I forget that he is still grieving. Because it looks so easy for him. It doesn’t look like he is compulsively taken of on a ship to “explore the unknown” just to get away from home and the recuring memories of the woman he loved so dearly. It looks like he created a team of the best- that’s arguable- men out there and took of to explore. He looks like a hero, not a broken man.

He hides everything so well. I wish he would have taught me how to do that.

August 20th, 1878

Day 43 on sea

Dad told me not to move too much. He thinks my rips are badly bruised and I need a few days, maybe even a few weeks to heal. We don’t have a qualified doctor on this ship, so I am just putting ice on my ribs and hope they will magically heal.

My brother even came to my room to ask me about my well-being. That was the last thing I expected to be quite honest with you. My brother and I have never had the best relationship. He was never a reliable soul, always easily influenced by others. He is a follower not a leader and that shows in the way he behaves towards others, especially towards me.

“Are you fine?”, he asked me, voice unusually soft. I could see it in his eyes, the pity that lies in them. It looked like he actually cares.

“Forgetting the circumstances, yes, I am fine.” He let out a long and deep breath, a hand stroking back a piece of hair that fell into his eyes. I should have asked him if I should cut his hair for him.

“Okay.”, he just answered, nodding his head before standing up again. “If you need anything, just call for me.” Without looking at me again, he left the room. All I could do after that was smile. It was the first encounter since we were kids that didn’t end up with me wishing I would never have to talk to him again. He may not know how to express what he is really feeling and is scared of voicing his own thoughts, but this small conversation showed me that he may not be all too bad.

August 25th, 1878

Day 48 on sea

I am going crazy. I sit on my bed every single day. I draw, I write, and I stare at the wall.

I can feel my thoughts circle around my brain, nothing makes sense. No one visited me in the past two days, and it makes the urge to get up even worse. I didn’t really have someone to talk to from the beginning, but at least I got to be around some living beings. I didn’t have to bear my own thoughts for such a long time. Now I’m not only alone, but I’m also lonely as well.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt about the ship sinking. It was absurd because the men drunk too much and their bellies got so bloated, it made the ship sink. But that wasn’t the frightening part. As I tried to swim for safety, my arms already hurting, I started hearing voices. Not just two, must have been a hundred of them. All of them whispering to me, but I couldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I kept swimming and swimming, far behind I saw hills. The voices didn’t stop. It felt like they were entering me, taking over every part of my body. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. They got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped swimming, letting myself sink. The water engulfed my whole body, entering my mouth and filling my lungs. The voices got quieter and quieter until there was only one left, loud and clear, telling me to “wake up”.

That’s when I opened my eyes, sweat dripping from my forehead and my breath uncontrollably fast. I never had a dream like that. I never woke up so disorientated. I wanted to tell someone about this dream, have someone explain to me what the meaning behind it is. I wanted to know if I’m really losing my mind.

August 27th, 1878

Day 50 on sea

I am losing my mind.

This can’t be real. I am writing this down to make sure I am wide awake and not dreaming.

I woke up from a noise. At first, I thought I was imagining it, because lately I’ve been imagining a lot of things. I wanted to go back to sleep, being exhausted from, well, doing absolutely nothing all day long, but then I heard it again.

It wasn’t just a noise. It was a melody, a very beautiful one. It sounded like the gateway to heaven, like it was sung by angels. And it made me feel drowsy.

I knew I needed to rest more, but something about this melody pulled me in. It made me forget the throbbing pain in my body and the events that happened days before. All it made me want to do was reach it, engrave it into my skin. It made me want to never hear anything else.

I was in a trance, no thoughts inside my head anymore.

So, I got up, walked out onto the deck of the ship to find out where this melody comes from. But when I reached the deck, I didn’t expect to see a boy sitting on the railing.

But it wasn’t an ordinary boy. Oh, no. Not like the ones I’ve seen in my town growing up. I can’t describe him in any other way than captivating. His jet-black hair softly swayed in the night wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. His cheeks adopted a soft rosy color from the coldness, contrasting the tan of his skin. And his eyes were almost as dark as the night sky.

I don’t know why I stared at him for such a long time, and I don’t know why he let me.

“You’re here.” Those were his first words. The first time I heard his voice. A voice that made time stop for a moment. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing against each other anymore, or the cracking of the old wood the ship was built with. I couldn’t even hear my heartbeat pumping against my chest. All I could hear was him. “I was waiting for you.”

“Who are you?” That was not what I wanted to ask him at that moment, but the sane part of my brain must have sensed that something wasn’t right. Something about the way my body reacted to this strange man was dubious.

“Haechan.”, he spoke with a soft voice, turning his body so that he fully faced me. A smirk was placed on his lips, only intensifying his tantalizing physique. “And you are?”

“Y/n.” My name came out in a mere whisper, fearing that my voice might have broken if I spoke any louder. I couldn’t stop staring at him, still having been sure that my mind was playing a trick on me or, well, still is.

For days no one has checked in on me, no one has talked to me more than five words. I’ve been on this ship for way too long seeing nothing but the endless nothingness of the sea. My mind has been plagued with recuring thoughts, never once having a quiet moment. Maybe this is the final sign. Maybe this is it. I am insane. So insane that I’m imagining a boy sitting on the rail of the ship just so that I have someone to talk to.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Reaching one hand out, the boy signaled me to come closer to him. Every part of my body longed to take his hand and sit on the rail with him, but doubts started floating my brain.

“What are you doing here? How did you get on this ship?” Haechan, as I learned his name, just chuckled, a low sound that was so different from his honey voice. He looked amused at my asking, almost like he was making fun of me.

“Why did you come out here, Y/n?” I remember frowning at him, clearly feeling upset that he chose to ignore my question and ask one of his own. I felt upset that this boy, which I probably made up in my mind, didn’t show any respect for me at all. He, just like the others, ignores what I have to say, and I didn’t want to get treated that way, not after what happened last time.

So, instead of answering him, I turned around, heading back to my bed. But before I could even take a step, the melody I heard earlier started again. All the thoughts that I had in my mind at that moment flew away and I was, yet again, caught in a trance. It was like I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to.

“It’s you.”, I whispered, but he still heard me. I knew that because the melody got louder, clearer. I closed my eyes, letting his voice enter every part of my body. I let it fill me up and shut me down at the same time. I let it rearrange my mind and mend my wounds, but I also let it cut me open and bleed me dry. I gave myself into the sweet penetration of his honey laced voice and wanted nothing more than to make all his wishes and desires come true. I would have given him the world if it was possible. My whole body felt like it was floating on top of a cloud, high up in the sky and there was no way of ever coming down again. I was trapped.

“Come closer.”, he murmured, voice deeper and almost impending.

“No.”, I quivered, suddenly scared of ever opening my eyes again.

“Please, Y/n.”, he pleaded, and I could nearly hear the desperation in his voice. “Just please look at me.” And so, I did. He was not sitting on the rail anymore, he was standing right in front of me. A small smile on his lips and one hand stretched out to me. “Come closer please. I don’t want anything else from you.”

And as I was about to take the step towards him, give in to his demand and the growing need inside of me to grant all his wishes, I heard a voice behind me, calling out my name and breaking the trance I was in.

“Y/n?”

Turning around, I saw my brother standing further away from me, dressed in his nightly gown. “What are you doing out of your bed? You should rest, your body isn’t fully healed yet.”

“I was just talking to…” But when I looked for Haechan again, no one was standing there anymore. It was like I was alone all along. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Suddenly I felt all the pain rush back into my body, my bones burning with fire, and I let out a loud groan as I fell to my knees.

“Y/n.” My brother rushed towards me, helping me up with his arms around me. “For someone who always seems so smart, you really aren’t the brightest.” I couldn’t even laugh at his words, my mind was too focused on the pain all over my body.

“You must have been sleep walking if you can’t remember what you were doing up there.” My brother said as he laid me back down into my bed and reached into a bucket of water to put a wet rag on my forehead. “Sleep now, okay? I will stop by in the morning again and check on you.” All I could do was nod my head at him, exhaustion consuming my body. He looked at me one last time before he left my room again.

And now I’m sitting here, writing in my foolish dairy and reminiscing about the strange boy I met. I must have imagined him. How could anyone come up onto the ship? I didn’t see another boat, nor did any other member of the crew. And the possibility of someone appearing out of the blue is also not likely.

The only possibility that is left is that I am losing my mind. That I imagined all of it out of pure loneliness and frustration. This expedition should have been educational for me. It should have proven to all the men that I, as a woman, can do what they can do. That I can be an explorer, a brave one even, and that I have the ability to find something new. That is why we started this journey, because we wanted to discover unknown things.

But all I am doing now is proving everyone exactly what they think of me, that I am small and weak. That I am not an explorer and that I should have just stayed at home. That I am not brave and definitely not smart. I proved to them that I am fragile and well, mental.

But no one has to know about it. No one has to know what happens in my head or the things I imagine. No one has to know I am practically insane and desperate. I could just simply fake it. Isn’t that what everyone does? Faking confidence.

Maybe if I fake it long enough and convince everyone that what they are saying and thinking about me is wrong, I might convince myself as well. Maybe I can convince my brain I’m fine while pretending to be.

So, from now on, everything’s okay. I am not insane, and I certainly am not imagining weird things.

I am okay.

Everything is okay.

August 29th, 1987

Day 52 on sea

Everything is not okay.

Yesterday the boy didn’t show up again. I wasn’t exactly looking for him, since my father spent most of the night in my room making sure I wouldn’t ‘sleep-walk’ again, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to hear his beautiful melody again.

I asked my dad if there is a word for the feeling of craving for someone, for feeling like the person took a part of you with them when they left and you long to be reunited with them. When all your thoughts are consumed with them, and your body is itching to be in the mere presence of that person. But also fearing the actual return of that person and the power they hold over you and your emotions. He told me it is called “withdrawal”.

“It is mostly referred to drugs such as alcohol.”, he explained to me as he tried to brush out the knots in my hair. “But I think it can be applied to humans as well. You know, sometimes we long for people we can’t have or people that aren’t good for us. We see the signs, but we ignore them. We give in to the sweet yearning and get hurt in the process. But if we don’t give in and the yearning grows stronger, we crave it even more. We think about the person every day, imagine their scent, their eyes, their voice. We imagine them being in a room with us, talking and laughing with us. We do the things that are most painful to us just to have what we long for, even if we know it’s not good for us. And it hurts, physically and emotionally.”

I turned around to look at him, inspect his face and read what he was feeling when he said those things. “It sounds like you have experience with that feeling.” My father just shrugged and at that moment he looked older. He looked like an old man who has been through too much in his life. A man who deserves a break.

“I’ve been around much longer than you, dear. There were mistakes made and hearts torn, but it all worked out at the end.”

“How?”, I ask, curious as to how such a sad feeling still turned into something good.

“Because I got you, and your brother. That’s my happy ending.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to storm into his arms and never let him go. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just smiled at him, nodded my head and hoped that was enough for him. Because while his words filled my heart to the brim with love, my body still ached, not from the pain but for the boy I only met once in my life.

That’s why I tried to ignore the melody a few hours ago when it started again. Father went back to his bed a few minutes before, wanting to get some well-deserved sleep, leaving me alone in my room. I, as well, wanted to get some rest, but then I heard it. It was loud and clear, and more beautiful than I had remembered it to be. Almost immediately I felt my whole mind switch, forgetting the conversation I had had with my father. All that was in my head was him, Haechan.

I wanted to see him, no, I needed to see him. I felt lost without him, so empty and incomplete. I felt like my world wasn’t spinning correctly, time was going backwards, and the stars were falling out of the sky. Nothing felt right anymore. Not until I was with him.

I reached my door, but before I could open it something woke me up. Not from a dream, but from a trance. A smell, a very familiar one. It took up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

I realized what I was about to do and quickly sat back down on my bed, not daring to even set a foot on the floor anymore. It was frightening, what I felt just then. The longing I felt, just from one simple melody. I don’t know this boy, why would I feel so strongly about him? Why does he have so much power over my emotions?

His melody got louder. For a moment my head felt like it was exploding. He sounded sad, sorrowful. It broke my heart into pieces hearing him so vulnerable, longing for me the same way I was longing for him. But I didn’t give in. A part of me, I don’t know which one, knew it was wrong to see him again. So, I stayed on my bed, legs tightly pressed against my chest and my hands on my ears, trying to cover his despairing voice.

10 minutes ago, it stopped. It just went away, like it was never there in the first place. Curiosity almost got the best of me and wanted to check if he really left, but I was too scared, I still am.

I don’t know what he is doing to be, why he is here and why he is targeting me. But I know that whatever he is doing, it can’t be with good intentions. A person that makes another person feel such outrageous things, can’t be here for anything good.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Because, after all, I made him up. He isn’t real so whatever he is doing isn’t going to hurt me. I think my mind is reflecting this pain on me to make sense of why it’s slowly decapitating. It’s trying to distract me from the actual damage in my brain.

At least that is the only logical answer to all of this. Because anything other would be, well, crazy and I’m not crazy. I might lose my mind, but I am not crazy.

August 30th, 1878

Day 53 on sea

Maybe I am a bit crazy, and reckless, and irresponsible and plain stupid.

“You left me standing here for a long time yesterday. I missed you, darling.” But I couldn’t help myself but visibly relaxing as I heard his voice again.

It was all I could think about all day long. Him and his melody. I wanted to feel it again. Feel it in my veins, feel it shutting out all the thoughts in my head. I just wanted this bothering craving to go away. I think it got so bad that even Jisung, someone who barely talks to me, noticed it.

“Are you okay? Don’t you like the food?”, he asked as he watched me stare at the food in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not the food, don’t worry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I gave him a little smile, grabbing a fork and shoving some food in my mouth.

“Is there a reason behind it? I hope it wasn’t me.” Jisung looked a bit guilty as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I spent the whole night cooking because I also couldn’t sleep. I hope I wasn’t too loud and kept you awake.”

“Oh, so that was what I smelled yesterday.” Internally, I couldn’t help but to be grateful for the boy sitting in front of me. After all, was he the reason why I didn’t give in to see Haechan. But I couldn’t tell him that. I was already glad someone decided to speak to me, I didn’t want to ruin it by my insanity. “But no, that was not what kept me up. I mean I smelled it, but I just had too much going on inside my mind to rest.”

The boy just nodded his head, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth. “Care to share some of your thoughts?”, he says with his mouth still full of food. He looked like a child in that moment, with his eyes wide and his mouth dirty with crumps.

“Just thinking a lot more about my mother lately.”, I told him, only half lying. Mother has been on my mind a lot lately, but that obviously wasn’t the reason why I couldn’t sleep. “I miss her. I mean I always miss her, but being so far away from home just makes me miss her more. You know, I see her everywhere. In the books I read, the words I write. I see her in the ocean, feel her in the air and smell her in every scent. It’s bizarre.”

“No, it’s not.”, Jisung disagreed, putting his fork down and propping his elbow up on the table to lean his face on his hand. “I miss my mother too. I mean, she isn’t dead, but her and my father are no longer together. She left with my sister, my father kept me, and I haven’t seen her in three years. I miss her too sometimes. But I think I miss the things she did for me more than I miss her. When I was a child, I always had trouble falling asleep so she would always tell me a bedtime story. I think that is why some nights I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jisung. Next time you have trouble sleeping just get me. I can also tell you bedtime stories.”

He nodded yet again, showing me another one of his smiles. “Thank you, Y/n. And you know what? I think you are really brave. I wanted to say that to you earlier, but I never had the guts to actually do. I think that we can all be grateful that someone like you joined this expedition. We really need more smart crewmates on this ship.”

But I don’t think I am that smart anymore. I don’t think I even deserve to be called smart anymore. Because every single thing about the decisions I make is anything other than smart. And as I looked into the deep brown eyes of the boy in front of me, that only got confirmed.

“No answer? No ‘I missed you too’?” His voice had an alluring tone, soothing all the wounds inside me and doing things to my body I am too embarrassed to admit. “What a shame, sweet girl. I was pretty sure I could sense your longing for me yesterday. Maybe I was wrong.”

I didn’t know what to answer. And I honestly am glad I didn’t, positive that my voice would have come out in nothing but a pathetic whisper. Haechan was walking closer to me again, reaching his hand out again to hover over the skin of my arm but never touching me.

“Can you feel that?”, he whispers, eyes never leaving mine. “Can you feel the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin, the shiver down your spin?” He waited for me to answer him, but all I could do was nod. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Yes.” I answered him, voice cracking with that one simple word. “Yes, I can feel that.”

“Good. That is exactly what I want you to feel.” He took a few steps back again, so he was leaning against the railing. “Why did you decide to come here tonight? Couldn’t get enough of me?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing myself what the actual reason behind me coming to see him again was. “Why do you keep calling for me?”

“Calling for you? How exactly am I calling for you?” Cocking his head to the side, still wearing a smirk on his lips. But I don’t want to get too detailed about his face, still feeling a bit embarrassed of the things I felt in that moment.

“The melody your singing, it’s for me. You are calling me with your melody.” A chuckle left his lips, melodic like his voice.

“How can you be so sure of that? What if I just like to sing pretty melodies?” His question sounded so innocent and for a moment I was uncertain about my statement, fearing I might have misinterpreted everything. But I knew what I was feeling. I knew that his melody was meant to be for me and no one else. I know it might sound crazy, but the thought of him singing this melody, my melody, for someone else felt unsettling.

“Because if you sung it for someone else, they would stand here instead of me. No one else is responding to your melody, only me, so it must be for me.” For a few seconds there was nothing but silence around us. Haechan wasn’t saying a thing, seeming like he was thinking about his next words. And I didn’t say anything, fearing that if I might, he would disappear again.

“You’re right.”, he finally spoke up. “It is for you.”

“But why? Why do you sing this melody for me?”

“Because I wanted to meet you, Y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I got to have you. I got to be with you. I craved nothing more than to talk to you, to simply be blessed to be in the mere presence of you. I am longing for you, the same way you are longing for me, my love.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. His words filled up my heart, and I started feeling lightheaded.

He was craving for me. He wanted to meet me. Everything that I am feeling towards him, as strange as those emotions are, he is feeling for me as well. His words were the most beautiful, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my inter life. I felt lucky to be seen this way, to be wanted this way, never actually having had someone tell me that before.

He really went all this way, just to meet me. Singing this melody, coming up this ship. But isn’t it a bit strange as well? I remembered not seeing another ship anywhere nearby. Where did he come from? How did he see me? Questions started filling my mind again, shaking me awake.

“What did you mean when you said you wanted to meet me from the first time you saw me? When did you see me?” I could see his body tensing up. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a question.

“I can answer your question, but first you have to come with me. Please, Y/n. I will tell you everything, just please come with me. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

“Haechan.” I looked at his hand, which was reaching for me again, motioning me to take it in mind. “Where do you want to take me? I mean there is no other ship anywhere near.”

“Y/n, just trust me, okay? Come with me and I will make the thoughts in your head disappear. I will make everything heal for you.” His hands hovered over my arms again, almost as if he couldn’t touch me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to touch me so badly. But I could see that something in his eyes had changed. They were darker, more desperate and demanding, and I knew it was my time to leave.

“I can’t.”, I told him, taking a few steps back. “I have to get up early tomorrow.” And with that I left, not once looking back as I walked back into my room.

I don’t know if what I did was right, or if I upset him with my behavior.

All I hope for is that he isn’t mad at me and will forgive me when he comes back. If he comes back.

August 31st, 1878

Day 54 on sea

He did in fact come back.

“Missed me?” There was something more gentle in the way he was talking to me today. Something more reserved.

“What if I did?” That made him smile, not smirk like he normally does. Haechan showed me a bright honest smile. And all I could think about was that he never looked more ethereal than in that moment.

“Then I will be highly pleased, my love. You know why?” I shook my head as a no, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “Because I missed you too?”

“You did?”

“Of course, I did. You were all I could think about all day long, pretty girl.” He stayed a bit further away from me too today and I wondered why. I asked myself if he didn’t want to be close to me again or if he felt rejected after what happened yesterday. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet smile, your beautiful eyes and your lovely voice. I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

“Why don’t you touch me?”, I said out of the blue, catching not only myself, but him off guard as well. “You never touch me. You only hover your hands above my skin. Why?”

He smiled again, sweet and kind. “Because if I touch you once, I will never be able to stop again.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” He only shook his head, turning around to face the stars instead of me. But I didn’t want him to look away, I wanted him to look at me, because when he does look at me, I can feel again.

“I am sorry about yesterday, you know? I am sorry I was too intrusive, I let myself get caught up in my emotions.” I had to process his words, that being the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. Never once had a men apologized to me for anything. I am so used to getting treated like nothing and it being normal in a society like the one I grew up with. Never once has anyone cared so much about me to consider my emotions and apologize for a mistake.

“Thank you.”, I just whispered, trying to swallow the tears. “That means a lot to me.” I decided to join him at the rail, watch the stars with him for a little while.

“Do you know that I think you are not real? I think I am imagining you, because for the past weeks I have been slowly losing my mind. Seeing the same things every day, not talking to anyone and having to deal with all those thoughts in my head. I think I started imagining you so I could just stop time for a while.”

“But I am real.”, he said, looking deep into my eyes. “I am real. You are not insane, and you are definitely not imagining me. I can prove that to you. Just take my hand and you will see.”

“Why does that feel like a trap?”, I asked him, watching his face, trying to read his emotions. But it stayed the same. His smile didn’t butch for a second and his eyes still held the same gentleness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Y/n. There is no trap. I am just offering you evidence to your lingering questions about your own sanity. I am just trying to be nice to you, but if you don’t appreciate that.”

“No, no I do. I am grateful for your kindness. You just sounded so demanding, and it made me doubtful.”

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. It was never my intention to make you doubt me. That will never happen again, okay? All I want is the best for you. Nothing more.” I just nodded, eyes facing the wooden floor of the ship. “I am going to tell you the story of why I so desperately wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t yesterday. Maybe that will cheer you up a bit again.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was mesmerized by you. Because there are not a lot of people out there like you. People so willing to learn and to explore. I never met a woman like you, someone so strong minded and independent. I loved how you never let anyone talk bad to you and I love how despite the negative things the men on this ship say about you, you still stay here. You prove to them every day that you are capable of being on such an expedition and that you are more qualified than they could ever be. And I just knew I had to talk to you, I had to have you in my life.”

And it was like he knew what I needed to hear. Like he knew my deepest darkest thoughts and all the things I was craving to ever be told by someone. It was like he spoke right into my soul and built up this newfound strength. I felt empowered, I felt loved. But yet again, I was also wondering how he could know all those things about me.

“Why do you know all that, Haechan?”

“I told you already, Y/n. I was longing for you.” It didn’t make sense. His answer didn’t make any sense. Was he avoiding my question? Or maybe he understood the question wrong, thinking this was an answer that would satisfy me. But it didn’t.

“That doesn’t answer my question. How can you possibly know about all those? We just met.”

I could hear a sigh leaving his lips, the long and frustrated kind. I am familiar with those, having heard them a thousand times from my father and brother. And I asked myself if I, yet again, upset him with my question. If I should have just kept quiet and appreciated his kind words and moved on from the topic.

“And yet again you don’t appreciate my kindness. All I do is be nice to you, proving to you that I am real and trustworthy, and you still doubt me. Don’t you know how much that hurts me? Do you?” His voice rose visibly, nostrils flaring and eyes growing wider. Haechan wasn’t looking like himself at that moment. He almost looked inhumane.

“I am sorry, Haechan. Please don’t say that. I do trust you. Please, I’m sorry.”, I started begging him, reaching for his hand, which he pulled away. “Please.” Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started hurting again, like it was slowly breaking apart from the inside out.

“You hurt me, Y/n. I don’t think your apology can fix this.”

And this time it was him walking away, disappearing into the darkness, and leaving me standing at the same spot, mourning for him like I had just lost a person to death.

September 1st, 1878

Day 55 on sea

I could see the surprise on his face when he saw me standing there, waiting for him this time, not needing his melody to be called. But the look of surprise quickly faded away and a smirk replaced it instead.

“I see you don’t even need my melody anymore.” It almost sounded cocky the way he said it.

“I wanted to be here first so I could apologize to you.”, I spoke the words with so much sincerity, wanting him to believe me and see that I genuinely mean the apology. “I am really sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. It was never my intention. All I want to do is make you happy, Haechan, and I am so sorry that I failed to do so.”

He looked at me for a few seconds, brows raised, before he shrugged his shoulders. “What will you do if I don’t accept your apology?”

I didn’t hesitate when I spoke my next words. “I will beg for your forgiveness. I will beg until you accept my apology. I will do anything you want me to.”

“Anything I want you to?”, he asked, and I just nodded my head at him, desperation fulling my actions and probably written all over my face. “I will hold onto that one.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” Haechan shrugged again, taking a few steps forward into my direction. Looking at him in that moment, I didn’t think he looked hurt. Normally people have this look on their face when their feelings got hurt, quivering lips, wide and sad eyes, body folding in on itself. But Haechans eyes were almost narrowed, and he was towering over me, almost like he was looking down at me. My father once told me people do that to prove their dominance over the other person, but I don’t think that was what Haechan wanted to do in that moment. Or was it?

Maybe Haechan is just like my brother, a person who has to hide their true feelings behind a stone-cold face to demonstrate strength. Or maybe he just didn’t want me to see him hurt by me to make me feel less guilty. Because I was and still am feeling bad for making him feel that way yesterday. I still regret my words and wish I would have just shut my mouth. I should do that more often, shutting my mouth in some situations. It would have saved me from a lot of things.

“I’m still thinking about it. Maybe I will tell you my answer at the end of the night.” That gave me some hope. Even though he didn’t yet accept my apology, he still wanted to spend time with me and that was more than enough for me.

“I saw you talking to that Jisung guy again today.” Haechan was still towering over me, hands in the pockets of his pants and eyes narrowing in on my face. “What is so intriguing about him that you talk so much to him?”

“Did you watch me?”, I asked him, shock lacing my voice. Jisung and I only talked in the kitchen today. I was hungry since I overslept in the morning and didn’t have breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something, Jisung was standing there, preparing the fish for dinner. We spent some time together, me eating my food and him cooking more. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, we just basked in the presence of each other.

“I asked you a question first.”, Haechan voice got lower again. I could only describe it as sinister. There was an undertone in that one small sentence, something that told me I should not say the wrong thing. So, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, fight through the mess in my head and find an answer that will satisfy him.

“He isn’t interesting to me.”, I tell him, keeping my voice clear and loud. “He is just the only person that talks to me when you aren’t here. There is nothing more to it.”

“It didn’t look like that earlier, sweetheart. I thought the two of you looked very cozy in that kitchen, sneaking glances at each other.” He let out a sound similar to a ‘tsk’ and shook his head in a mocking manner. “Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you go around and search for other men when I’m not around? Are you so desperate and needy for attention?”

“No.”, I whispered, feeling even the small last bit of confidence leaving my body. Haechan has a way of making me feel weaker and weaker, draining every last thought out of my head and making my body his. “No, Haechan.”

I felt my legs give him, sinking to my knees. My body felt so heavy but at the same time so light. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, lowering his head so he was looking right into my eyes. “You can’t talk to other men, Y/n. You are mine only, do you understand?” All I could do was nod my head at him, but that didn’t satisfy him. “You belong to me, right, my sweet girl? I need you to say it.”

“I belong to you.”, I mumbled, not having the strength to fully open my mouth.

“That is right. You belong to me, your body belongs to me and even your mind belongs to me. You are all mine, pretty princess.” He took up all my senses. I could only see him, smell him, hear him, feel him everywhere. Like only he excited in this world and no one else.

Haechan leaned forward, his lips brushing the skin of my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and it sent shivers down my back. “Now come with me, darling. Take my hand and come with me. I will make sure you remember me forever.”

I reached for his hand, fingers brushing against each other, but before I could close them around his, a bright light shined a bit further away from us. Everything happened so fast after that. I heard footsteps, a voice and suddenly I felt empty. Haechan was no longer kneeling in front of me and right as I wanted to look for him, my body gave in, and I fainted onto the cold wooden floor.

I don’t know how I got into my bed, and I don’t know who brought me into my bed. All I know is that the moment I woke up again I craved Haechan even more than I did before and I know that the next time he asks me to come with him, I will do so, without any hesitation.

September 2nd, 1878

Day 56 on sea

Everything changed today. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I felt. A lie.

I can’t stop crying. My tears are flowing like an endless waterfall. I’m a mess, a disaster. How could I let this all happen? I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I was stronger than this. But I was blinded. I was corrupted, manipulated, used.

I feel dirty, like I haven’t washed in weeks. But I just did. I spent a long time trying to scrub away the dirt I felt, trying to scrub away the shame I felt. I put everyone, especially me, in danger with my reckless behavior, with my blindness, with my incompetence. I am a failure.

I spent the whole day ignoring everyone around me, not even looking at anyone that passed me by. I wanted to desperately prove to Haechan that I only want him and no one else, that everyone on this ship doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is him. I was hoping he was watching me again, being proud of me.

But unfortunately, there was one person I couldn’t avoid even if I tried to.

“You wanted to speak to me, father.”, I said as I entered my father’s office room. I have never been in that room, not once over all these weeks. The room was scattered in books, empty bottles and maps of the sea. I always imagined the room to be neater, at least that was what my father always seemed to be. But my mother told me once that your room reflects the mental state you were in. Maybe my father was also struggling with his sanity.

“Yes.”, he answered me, looking up from his book. “I wanted to see how you are feeling, after your little incident yesterday.”

“I’m feeling fine, father. Must have been me sleep walking again. There is nothing to worry about.”

He just hummed, his face showing the uncertainty he felt because of my words. My father mustered me for a few seconds, waiting for even a little muscle to twitch in my face to show him if I was lying. But I kept a straight face, looking him right into the eyes. “I am thrilled to hear that. And we will find a way to fix your nightly problem.”

Father went back to reading in his book, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, the curious part of me wondered what he was so engrossed in. I always loved the books my father reads, knowing that they are filled with new knowledge. “What are you reading?”

He held up the book, showing me the cover. “Knowledge about the mysteries of the ocean.”, I read out loud, furrowing my eyebrows at the title. What an odd book, I have never heard about that. “What mysteries are listed in the book?”

“Oh, just some fisher men tales. Mermaids, kraken, leviathan, sirens. All those tales which warn everyone on ships about the dangers of the sea.”

“Sirens? I have never heard of them. What are they?” My father turned his book around, showing me the page, he was just reading. On it was a drawn picture of what looked to be a half bird, half fish creature. My stomach started to turn, the longer I looked at it, frightened by its appearance.

“This book says that sirens are mythical creatures, half bird, half fish. Through their angelic singing they lure in fishermen to kill them. It is said that their voice lures them in, but their face is what makes the fishermen stay.”

“Their face?”, I asked, not believing that for a second.

“They put you in a trance with their voice and make you see whoever you most desire. They are insidious, malicious creatures, feared by everyone who ever entered the ocean. They are dangerous, Y/n.” He looked me in the eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t. As if he wanted to tell me more with the last sentence.

“Do you really believe they exist? To me that just sounds like fishermen making up excuses as to why they didn’t bring any fish home.”

My father let out a long sigh, head shaking. He turned the book back to him and stared at the picture for a few more seconds, before closing the book again. “You could be right, Y/n. I mean you have always been the realistic one in this family. But as long as there is no proof that they don’t exist, I will have to believe those tales. It’s better to believe and find out they don’t exist, than to not believe and find out they do exist.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words after I left his office. They kept spinning around my head, swirling and clashing against other thoughts. And they were connecting. My thoughts were connecting together, and suddenly there was only one thought left. One person in my mind, and not for the reasons he had been in my mind for the past few days.

But I didn’t want to admit that. Not even to myself. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t true. Those useless tales were nothing but fiction, made up stories to save the fishermen from embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing more and nothing less.

Because I knew Haechan. I knew he wasn’t capable of something like that. He wasn’t a creature designed to prey on innocent people. Or was he?

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the familiar melody, as I felt it sink deep under my skin and erase everything inside of me. I loved the pain it inflicted on my heart, the way the melody ripped me apart into a million pieces. I loved how for the first few seconds everything stopped being important to me. Breathing, feeling, living. Nothing felt important for a few seconds. Nothing but him.

Haechan leant against the rail of the ship, hands in his trousers and a smirk on his lips. It almost felt like a déjà-vu. I remembered how I felt when I first saw him. Feelings that were once so innocent and unfamiliar are now unconditional and fierce. “My pretty girl.”, he whispered, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”, I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. I was craving his closeness, his touch. I needed him to touch me, anywhere. I didn’t mind where.

“Ready to come with me.” My head was clouded, brainwashed by his beautiful voice. But wasn’t that exactly what my father told me, what he warned me about. “I can see your doubt in me, sweetheart. What is it that is plaguing your beautiful mind?”

“Do you plan on killing me?” I don’t know why I asked him that question. I don’t know how I got the strength to break out of the haze, even just a little bit.

“Killing you? Why would I kill you?” His eyes darkened and I could see his body language changing. I could see all of him changing. Haechan let out a chuckle before walking into my direction, stopping when he was right behind me. Brushing my hair back, never once touching me, as he leant down to whisper into my ear.

“I really wanted to kill you at first, my sweet girl. I wanted nothing else but to rip you apart.” My body shut down, letting me fall weakly to my knees just like the day before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than five seconds. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, yet again and placed his hand on my cheek. Finally, I could feel him. I could feel the one thing I craved most, his touch. But it didn’t feel how I imagined it to. Instead of lifting me up and making me basked in comfort, it made me flinch. His touch made me want to never see the light of day ever again. “But how could I kill such a beautiful thing? You are my precious girl, aren’t you? So sweet and special.”

I wanted to run, get away from him. I wanted to do anything but to stay with him, but my body didn’t let me. My body stayed down on the ground, heavy and useless. “Does it hurt, love? Does my touch and my words hurt you?” He didn’t need an answer because he knew. He knew how every bone in my body felt like it was on fire as soon as he muttered those words. He knew all I wanted was to make this growing pain stop. “Just come with me. I will make the pain stop.”

When I looked up at him, I saw only a glimpse of him. His skin was pale blue, scales all over it, and his teeth were sharp and long. This wasn’t the boy I met a few nights ago, the boy who made me feel like I was floating on the clouds and the boy who gave me a reason to live. This was a creature, a monster. A siren.

“Go away.”, I croaked out with the last strength I had left in my body.

“Oh no, you poor thing. Don’t be like that.” Not even his voice sounded like the sweet melody I once heard. It didn’t give me sweet pleasure anymore, it only gave me pain. “You love me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten all the feelings I inflicted on you? Have you forgotten how good you felt when you were with me? I can make that come back. You just have to come with me.”

“Go to hell.” I didn’t know that this simple sentence could mean the end of my life because the next thing I felt was a sharpness going through my body. And I knew this would be it. This would be the last few seconds before I was gone.

“Y/n!”, I heard someone shout, loud and piercing. I opened my eyes, only to have my vision be blurry. I tried to move, look who that voice belonged to and if I was imagining it again. “Go away and never come back, or I will have you killed and each and everyone of you creatures on this planet.”

I took a hurtful breath and it felt as if my lungs were filled with broken pieces of glass. My eyes tried to stay open, but I didn’t have the strength. “No, Y/n. Stay awake. Please don’t leave me.”

Whiteness surrounded me, filling me up and taking me in. Silence. I heard nothing more than silence. I tried looking around, kicking and fighting as I was trapped in nothing but endless vastness. Far away from me I could see something, or someone waiting for me. I tried to walk towards it, reaching my arms out to grab it, but I never came close.

“It’s not your time yet, Y/n.” And before I could question those words, my eyes opened.

It took me a few seconds to regain my vision, seeing the familiar walls of my room. As I remembered just what had happened, I felt panic filling my body, my breaths coming out faster than normal and my mind spiraling in wild circles.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”, I heard the voice of my father first before I felt his arms around my body, pulling me tightly into him. “Your safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. I felt like a little kid again, crying in the arms of my father after having a bad dream. Just that this wasn’t a dream. This is reality.  

“It’s okay. We are on our way back home. That creature will never find you again, we made sure of that, okay?” My father held me with so much delicacy, fearing he might break me. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone, or anything hurt you again.”

And I believed him. There in the arms of my father I believed his words. So, I closed my eyes, let the sleep consume me and hoped that this promise would be one he could keep.

September 10th, 1878

Day 64 on sea

I let the salt air take away all the scars of the past weeks as I watched the soft waves flow under the setting sun. This was the first time in eight days that I had the courage to leave my room. I couldn’t face the place where everything happened. The place where I almost lost myself.

I closed my eyes and imagined the soft grass under my toes, the chirping birds in my ear and the blinding sunlight in my eyes. I imagined biting into a sweet apple, feeling the fresh morning air on my skin and smiling at the veracity of the moment.

“Daydreaming again?”, I heard a voice in front of me, making an actual smile appear on my lips. A smile I haven’t let myself show in a long time.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in your bed, sleeping like everyone else is?” Jisung just shrugged his shoulders, his hair softly swaying in the wind.

He showed me a sweet smile, sitting down beside me and taking one of my hands in his. “I am not going to ask you how are doing, since everyone else does that every day.” I nodded at him, grateful for not hearing the repeating question out of his mouth as well. “But I am going to ask you if you still feel the withdrawal, you told me about.”

My eyes filled with tears again and I tried my best to swallow them down. “Yes.”, I mumbled, looking down, too ashamed to let him see me this way. To let him see me so weak and pathetic. “Yes, I still feel it, every day. I long for him, and I know it isn’t right. He isn’t who he showed me to be. I know I was blinded by a trance. I was blinded by need. I know what I am feeling isn’t right and that he wasn’t right. But for a few seconds, for a few seconds every day, it felt real. For a few seconds every day I could just be. I could be me. I could forget the pain and my thoughts, and I could breathe.”

Jisung just nodded his head, not letting go of my hand, but he didn’t say a word. I appreciated that. I appreciated the quietness of him. Because as opposed to the others, he didn’t lecture me on my feelings. He didn’t tell me how it is wrong to feel the way I do and how I should have seen all this coming. He didn’t try to tell me how to move past this, or how to continue living my life. Jisung just stayed silent.

“Why are you awake?”, I asked him after a few moments, breaking the silence he gifted me.

“I couldn’t sleep. And the last time I told you about my sleeping problems, you told me you could tell me a story, like my mother did. A bedtime story to make me fall asleep.” I let the tears that still lingered in my eyes roll down my cold cheeks, as I nodded my head. “Will you tell me one?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I will tell you any story you want.”

And so, I did.

I told everyone my story.

Bonus

“What took you so long?”

Haechan swam into the cave, brushing past everyone that was looking at him with expecting eyes. He ignored them all and just kept swimming.

“Answer my question.”, Jeno spoke louder this time, but Haechan just kept swimming. He didn’t care that everyone was waiting for him, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, to fulfill all the promises he had made for the past weeks.

“We had a fight.”, he told Jeno with a shrug of his shoulders, nonchalant about the other one’s questions. Haechan could see the disappointment and anger in the faces of everyone in the cave, and he couldn’t care less. He knew what he was doing was right. He knew it was necessary to go through all these lengths to get what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

“A fight?”, his friend repeated, skeptic lingering in his voice. “This isn’t a game, Haechan. We put our trust and time in your hands. How long until this plan of yours backfires? How long until they notice that their ship hasn’t been moving in days? How long until they discover us and put an end us?”

“Jeno.”, Haechan’s eyes piercing into the older boy, voice clearly stating a warning. “Have you lost all your trust in me? I know what I am doing.”

“Are you?” Everyone was looking at the two, anticipating the outcome of this long-awaited conversation. “You were the one promising us you were going to get us this girl. You were the one convincing us how much you were craving her and how much we should as well. And we have given you time, but all you do is play around. This isn’t a game, Haechan. This will determine our lives. Without her, we will not survive, and you are very well aware of that.”

“This is where you are wrong, my dear friend.” Haechan turned his body, facing all the sirens watching him. “This is a game, and I am the leader of it. This girl we are talking about is different from everyone we have ever had. This one is special. She isn’t easily fooled by my tricks, by my voice. She has a smart mind, that one.” A wide grin appeared on the siren’s lips, making him almost look crazy, and his eyes narrowed on his friend yet again. “This one will bring us everything we have ever dreamt of. And it will work. The game I am playing, the fight we were having today, it will all work in the end.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” The question lingered in the quiet of the cave, the eyes of everyone looking at Haechan, faith and trust all in his hands.

“Because it is all going according to plan.”, he announced, voice thick with pride and confidence. “It is all going according to my plan.”

[ahkylous]

Drifting Stars Masterlist Ⅱ

I never thought there would be a part two of this solely because of the limited number of fanfictions there actually are for this au. Yet here we are, four months later and somehow able to make this post. Same rules apply; general order of favourites, you are all entitled to your own opinion, add any I may have missed, and that's kinda it.

Onward!

Disconnected by DarrowWyrlde - 4th part of a series, 2 028 words, 2/13

Ok so this one probably should not be in this post at all since it's not drifting stars and more of a lost legends fic. I only put this one here because it's still about Mabel in the multiverse and who knows, maybe that's why you read drifting stars. I don't have much else to say, just thought I'd put it here.

Drift Away by GravityUniverse115 - oneshot, 1 174 words, 1/1

This one was written well despite it being fairly short, the only catch being that it - again - is not entirely drifting stars. It is about Mabel going through the portal, but it is written more as a concept in comparison to a typical oneshot. If someone did write a fic based off of this tho I would definitely read it.

The Drifting Star by Booblybaba - standalone, 35 337 words, 15/?

This was your typical drifting stars fic, I don't have too much else to say except that it was good and that it ends just as I was getting into it. It was a bit fast paced but again, not bad.

Into the Unknown by MintGreenMare - standalone, 31 681 words, 22/22

Finished and Drifting Stars does not go in the same sentence, and yet this fic exists. Fully complete, 100% resolved. It only took like 9 years for someone to actually finish writing one of these. It did take me a bit to get into it compared to other stuff I've read, mostly because it feels more like a collection of oneshots as opposed to a whole fic, but I did still enjoy it.

Ad Astra by Queen_Mab - standalone, 103 406 words, 18/?

So many people go crazy for this fic and I kinda get why, the worldbuilding is done really well and the stuff going on back in Gravity Falls is a lot more interesting than just Dipper and Stan rebuilding the portal. The only setback for me is that it feels unrealistic and was almost pushed too far in some aspects. But again, I get the appeal and do wanna see what would happen next.

Save That Light by Mezzorellasticks - standalone, 11 293 words, 5/?

I'm surprised there aren't more fic's with some of the concepts in this one. I won't spoil it but I could see this happening to Mabel more than once and yet no one has written about it. Some parts felt a little off in terms of character but overall it was pretty cool.

A Familiar Face by Missintroverted - 1st part of a series, 2 350 words, 1/1

This is another fic that's not entirely drifting stars but at the same time kinda is. Instead of Mabel being fully related to Ford, it's another version of her but older (possibly a relativity + reverse portal version). I thought it interesting and I enjoyed the interaction between the two.

Among The Stars by Maviiigirl - standalone, 4 603 words, 2/?

This fic follows the typical outline so far; Mabel falling through the portal, Ford being an awkward dumbass, the two figuring out what's going on before any proper multiverse madness occurs. But the way it was written was really good, that and the fact that this author also wrote a very good oneshot which gives me hope for the future of this fic.

A Little Help by Maviiigirl - oneshot, 3 130 words, 1/1

I thought this oneshot was so cool. Mabel being all responsible while internally panicking and Ford being delusional was actually so funny to me. Some parts were a little quick but overall I thought it was really well done. I kinda wanna see it be continued just to see what Ford would say when he woke up tho.

That's mostly it, if I were to compare the two list's I'd say the quality of the fics from the other one are far better, but these one's are a lot more recent meaning there is hope that some of them will be continued.

I didn't mean to insult any of these, I find my main problem with fanfiction is the way the characters are written and the way characters bond, especially since many are rushed and often there isn't enough time allowed for certain emotions to properly form before diving straight into hurt/comfort. I understand tho, I struggle with that a lot in my writing too.

Anyway, here's the first masterlist if you wanna look at those too :))

[minas-linkverse]

Ngl I was going to ask about Breath of the Wild but I’d thought you’d get a million of those asks lol. I was also torn between asking about Wind Waker, so whichever one you want to answer more is chill!!

haha yea I thought I'd get a million asks too! Somehow even now this remains the only botw ask, I guess people just figured it must've been sent already 😅

Now to actually share my thoughts on botw... Man I hope people don't get mad at me.

I did not like it!. The first play through I had was mildly exciting simply due to there being a whole unknown world to see, but after a while that gimmick wore off. I knew that if I made my way to the cool looking mountain or interesting abandoned building I'd just find a bokoblin and/or a chest with a gem. Whats the point of a gorgeous expansive world when all I find is the same...! 😫

Oh wow! A town with a whole new atmosphere and culture I sure wonder what I'll get up to h- Ok they have the same shops with slightly different items. Ok cool. There's like a few small quests for more inventory filler I don't really need. Cool cool.

I understand that the game is really fun for some people, they'll do quests just to get to play more of the game. They want all that extra stuff to upgrade armour and really get into the nitty gritty mechanics of the game... But I did not. It was not for me.

Also ouugh the puzzles...! My favourite part of Zelda games is the puzzle solving, but these were in no way satisfying and often more fun to just break. Why would I bother even trying to get into the devs heads when A) I could just break it and B) I have too many options to consider! I can't possibly get a clean eureka moment when everything from monster guts to just climbing could be the solution...! Where's the engaging simplicity of knowing exactly what you have and following the devs' clues to reach the solution!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa--

I also disliked the story, all the interesting bits in it happened a 100 years ago and I feel like I arrived late with a starbucks. I also will not get over the weird ending cutscene!! After countless fascinating memories of Zelda having very complex emotions at Link... What do you mean you're just going to have a vaguely romantic "Do you still remember me?" YEAH I DO, I thought u disliked me! Which is a fascinating story direction I would've loved continued but OK! I guess we're ignoring that! Women cant be angry that makes them less cute and marketable, I guess!!!!

I... Sorry this is so ranty, I've been holding it in a long time. I think there's a lot to love in botw and I wish I wasn't so sour about it. Other people's love and excitement for it is wonderful and I hope they keep making the art they love. If its your first game in the series and got you into it, that's nothing to be ashamed about. I'm just a grumpy old man waving at cloud /ref.

Honestly I think botw could've been wonderful if it was a new IP. It feels all the Zelda stuff was sort of glued onto a concept that wasn't prepared to carry that mantle. It would've been better off with a new exciting world and cast of characters. It still wouldn't be a game I much care for, but the freedom that could've granted the developers would've been a treat to see.

It's worth adding that even though I dislike botw, I want to treat the characters of that game with respect and care in my comic. I may not love them in game but I can see the passion others have and I am committed to make something worth their time. Your special guys are safe with me. I have 0 desire to dunk on them, and instead wish to honour the love you all have. In a way I'm learning to love them myself through that.

[deadzonedenizen]

Gibby's Reference Sheet and Description:

Everyone knows who the Monkey King is, but what about the three other celestial primates? The Six-Eared Macaque is rumored to lurk the shadows, while even less is known about the Horse Mandrill.

But once you hear little bells ring, that's how you know Gibby is near.

Gibby, or the Long-Armed Gibbon, was once a captive of the calabash, and was freed by Guanyin on the condition of guiding Bell through a mission involving the other passengers. She would then be tethered to the water hero, effectively making her visible only to him.

Gibby can be described as someone who is childlike, which is effectively what Gibby is despite being older than Red Son. Like a child, she can be easily bored and impatient if not given anything fun to do, and values pinkie swears like a blood oath.

She used to be a lot more unpredictable, but simmered down after the incident that led to her imprisonment. Despite this, she still tries to brighten up people's day, even if it meant getting Bell to it in her place.

Due to being tethered to Bell, she temporarily doesn't have access to most of her powers. The only powers she can currently use is astral projection, and her 'gut feelings'. Or better known as her ability to distinguish the auspicious from inauspicious. But she thinks that's a really weird way to say gut feelings.

Out of all four celestial primates, Gibby has the most whimsical abilities. She can breathe out stardust that can send people to sleep. The stardust can also form clones, not too different from Wukong's hair or Macaque's shadows. Her other abilities aren't that well documented, so they are currently unknown.

Gibby is an easily excitable person, especially when it comes to meeting and befriending new people. That extends to animals as well, assigning names to every little critter she meets. She likes learning new things as well, and tell about it to as many people as possible with the excitement of learning something new.

Despite her childlike nature, Gibby has her own secrets hidden away from view. There are many events about her past that she'd rather keep unspoken, something she and Bell have in common.

What is known is that she has known Wukong for a long time now, harboring some resentment over an event she refused to elaborate on. Even with that in mind, she decided to give Wukong a second chance, slowly repairing their sibling-like relationship. She isn't as familiar with Macaque, only finding out about him after being tethered, and her knowledge on the Horse Mandrill is completely null.

Another known fact about her past was that she was once a jester-like figure in the Celestial Realm, being an enjoyable person to be around for most celestials. She doesn't see the Celestial Realm as the joyful place she once saw it as, though, her view now slightly soured.

The title of the first person to notice that something was wrong belongs to Gibby, her gut feelings predicting the Lady Bone Demon enacting her plans. If Gibby wants to be untethered, then she'll have to give her all to guide Bell through the mission Guanyin gave them. But she won't be able to do that with the bone demon sabotaging it for her own goals of achieving destiny.

Of course, this might be a bit more difficult with Bell being the only one that can see her. Well, that's assuming that she can't be seen through golden vision.

"Catch me if you can!"

[bettyfrommars]

Stop the World and Melt with You//Eddie Munson x fem! reader//Part 5

🚨18+only, MDNI, adult themes, magic realism, fantasy, talk of dimensional travel, fear of the unknown, smoking cigarettes, sense of fear, held hostage (not reader), getting slapped (not reader), mention of blood, mention of being restrained (not reader), storyline involving people other than reader, sense of being hunted down, eventual smut, talk of tattoos. Word count: 3.2k

Series Masterlist

💜disturbed by the temporary tattoo you got from the quarter machine, you cut your time with Eddie short. Time goes on, you get a job at the motel, and meet Robin Buckley who says you remind her of a girl she used to know. We meet some people behind the scenes of your trip to Hawkinsgate.

A/N: Brought to you by my love of Eddie Munson, parallel universes, and The Twilight Zone, this story is for anyone who wants something a little different--definitely not for everyone. This is something I'm writing to relax my brain while I work on a longer series. Parts will be short, updated hopefully every other week. ALSO, forgive me, but I lost my tag list for this, I know there were a couple of you xoxo

-------------

Part 5: The Flicker

"This place is like someone's memory of a town, and the memory is fading."

-------------

In the real world, we live on the hands of a clock, digital flashes that remind us that we’re always aging in this free fall, on a rock plummeting through space. In Hawkinsgate, you felt like you were living in moments, some of which didn’t even belong to you. Like a peddler somewhere in the universe sold you someone's memories, without any structure or reason, and you were now a permanent resident in one.

Eddie leaned over. “What is it?” He asked. You had your hands positioned like you were holding a book in front of your face, blocking him from seeing what you had while you tried to make sense of it.

The first words that escaped your lips were that it must be a mistake, yet a mistake would imply that it existed in the realm of possibility, but this did not. How could it?

Eddie was worried about you, your skin had gone ghostly pale and you weren’t saying anything to him, you were just staring down, mouth a bit slack.

Your tattoo was an illustration of a pineapple wearing Eddie’s denim battle vest; not just any pineapple, but your pineapple.

You showed it to Eddie. “How can this be? Look---” you pointed to the tiny, specific details of the pins on his vest, right down to the pocket that was unbuttoned. Strange little green flourish of pineapple hair sticking out from the collar like a real cool exotic fruit boy.

Eddie didn’t know what to make of it. Sure, strange things always happened in Hawkinsgate, but they seemed to be getting stranger since you arrived. Eddie’s tattoo was a grim reaper, complete with a scythe, a bit menacing for a quarter machine, but nothing to get alarmed about, all the same.

“It’s a good thing though, right?” Eddie lifted his eyebrows. “That way you will always remember him.”

Eddie seemed to be missing the point of why the existence of it was freaking you out. Or, maybe he fully comprehended the magnitude of your situation and wanted to try and make you feel better somehow by minimizing it.

“I have to go,” you whispered, grabbing your bag off the chair.

“Wait, no, stay. Please,” Eddie stood halfway and lingered there, hoping you would come sit back down. As long as you didn't see what was in his bedroom, everything would be fine.

“I’m sorry Eddie, I just...I need some air,” and then you were out the door, jogging down the steps, throwing yourself into your truck as quickly as you could as if there were a killer at your heels. Eddie stumbled out onto the porch with a wave, watching you yank the gear shift to reverse and peel out. You threw a wave over your shoulder at him, made sure you were out of his line of sight, and then you burst into tears.

------- Somewhere Else--------

A short, blonde man studied an obscure map on the wall, his hands behind his back, mumbling to himself, “where can she be...where can she be?”

Just then, the doors to his study open and two officers in dark blue jumpsuits enter.

“We have Lorelei,” they tell the short blonde man, and then there is a sparkle of satisfaction that stretches across his face.

Lorelei is tied to a chair in a slightly damp cement room, with weeds growing up from the corners and cracks in the floor; a tiny window with metal bars above her head, and a bare mattress against the wall. She’s wearing a long, purple dress, her bare feet are dirty, and her long red hair is dotted in dried mud.

She tucks her chin to give the blonde man a Cheshire smile when he walks in.

“Lorelei,” the short man with the receding hairline says, tucking a yellow file full of paperwork under one arm. The two guards in blue jumpsuits are with him, guns holstered at their sides. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hello Ronald,” Lorelei purrs, batting her lashes a few times at him. “This is an odd way to let me know you have a crush on me.”

“Hilarious,” Ronald returned, handing the file under his arm to one of the guards. His hands go into the trouser pockets of his tan suit, his smile fading. “But this is no time for jokes. You know what I want.”

Lorelei sniffed and licked her lips, her resolve set; there is a tinkle of laughter in her voice: “You’ll never find her.”

Ronald loses his cool instantly, his face screwing up, his fists flexing at his sides. She could almost see smoke coming out his ears like a whistling tea kettle. She enjoys the sight of his frustration while it lasts, but then he calms himself with a deep breath.

He takes a few steps toward her, flexing his mouth, scooping two fingers in to stretch his shirt collar away from his neck. “See, now, that’s where you’re wrong,” he chided. “This little game of yours has been entertaining, albeit a complete waste of time. You know I’ll find her with or without your help, my dear.”

“You can try,” Lorelei replied with an air of smugness, a dull laugh escaping her throat.

Ronald was shaking, the whites of his eyes cracking with bloodshot veins. It took him years to find out which dimension you were in, and when he finally did, that cunt Lorelei was somehow able to move you, and it was really grinding his gears. He was tossing and turning at night, fully obsessed.

He came up and snatched Lorelei’s chin, squeezing her lips together, forcing her to look up at him. His words were a venomous hiss. “Oh, I’ll find her, and when I do, you’ll be sorry you played this little game with me, you fucking bitch,” and then he threw her chin so that her face jerked to the side, hair falling in her eye.

Defiantly, Lorelei turned to meet his intense gaze again. “She’s growing stronger, I can feel it. If you do find her, it will be too late.”

Ronald’s hand came down, smacking his palm across her cheek in a slap. “You know I hate it when you make me do this!” He barked, his hands going to his hips as he started to pace in front of her.

Lorelei continued to exude calm and patience as she watched him unravel before her very eyes. She licked her teeth and made a smacking sound, tasting blood.

He turned his back on her, facing the door. “Why couldn’t you just let me have this one?” He asked in a softer tone, cheeks red, eyes dry. “You could’ve had anything you wanted; a home, a life, freedom. But instead you choose this,” his hand gestures around at the concrete room.

She thought about her words for a second. “I could tell you, but you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me!” Ronald shouted as he turned on his heel to face her.

A dreamy look passed over Lorelei’s face as her eyes shifted to the ceiling, thinking beyond it, to the sky. “Because I love her,” she replied, a partial smile exposing a tint of pink blood over her teeth. “She’s one of the last Creators, Ronald. For all of your faults, I know you can appreciate what that means.”

There was a gold wedding band on Ronald’s finger and he twisted it as he frowned at the ground. “Wherever she is, you can’t keep her there forever. You’ve been on the run for too long, you’re getting weak, Lorelei.”

Lorelei felt the pang in her empty belly, and the ache in her sore muscles, but her spirit was strong. “I can keep her there long enough,” she answered in a hush.

Ronald cursed. “Long enough for what???” He belted, flapping his arms out wide and then letting them slap down against his legs. “It’s always goddamn riddles with you people.”

His flare for the dramatic never ceased to amuse her. Ronald continued to pace, running his hand down his mouth, until he stopped, abruptly, and turned to her with an unnerving smile pressing his lips against his teeth.

“You put her with him, again, didn’t you?” He bleated, a thrill rising in him when he noticed the way Lorelei’s gaze flickered away, unwilling to meet his gloating stare. Ronald clapped his hands together, giggling like a toddler.

“He’ll protect her,” Lorelei squared her shoulders, wrists flexing in the ropes at her back. “He doesn’t know he can yet, but he will.”

Ronald chuckled, wagging his finger at her. “You’re too much of a romantic, Lorelei, that’s your problem. You could’ve sent her to a dimension on Saturn to sit in a cave and stay safe, but you just had to reunite those two like the incredible sap that you are.”

“Love is stronger than fear,” she said with a lift of her chin.

“Oh, shut up!” Ronald shook his head, signaling for the guards to open the door. “Thank you Lorelei, you’ve been very helpful.”

Pausing in the doorway, Ronald jerked his thumb over his shoulder at her. “Make sure she eats something, will ya?” He looked over his shoulder at her, and then patted the guards arm. “Not too much, though, wouldn’t want to spoil her.”

----------

A week went by and you were still living at the motel. You mentioned to Mrs. Henderson that you were running out of money and things to trade, and as it turned out, she said she was in desperate need for some part-time help at the front desk, so you had yourself a job.

The pineapple tattoo on your forearm was fading, but you brushed your fingertip over it, thoughtfully, wishing it would stay.

You didn’t see Eddie that whole time, but you did notice that his van drove extra slow down the street in front of the motel a few times on his way to or from work, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of you. He didn’t deserve to be ignored; he had done nothing wrong. Nothing except be a part of this obscure place that held you captive, where nothing made any sense. The other day, there was a pile of mismatched socks on your doorstep; not a single pair in the lot of them. You asked Claudia about it and she didn’t have an explanation, but said you could keep them if you were interested. You doubted there was any value in a pile of single socks, so you put them in with the lost and found at the office.

You started your job the next afternoon, flanked by your three office helpers; cats named JoJo, Henry, and Clarice. Cleaning out their litter box was one of your nightly duties, and they loved to watch you as you did it, twitching their whiskers with pride as you collected the gifts they’d left for you. Every so often there was the random husband having a fight with his wife who got a room for the night at the motel, or the occasional friends who were having a “girls night” and wanted to sit by the pool out back. One night, a shifty couple with sweaty palms asked if they could rent a room for a couple hours, but you regretted to inform them that they would have to pay full price. The Grove was the only motel in town, and they ended up trading with a bunch of food supplies like gold chocolate coins, oranges, and an unopened box of Honeycomb cereal.

You made a friend, her name was Robin Buckley. She worked as the part-time maid, and she also worked at a Family Video down the street.

She went out back by the dumpster to have a smoke, and you went with her. She offered you one from her pack, and you took it, thinking that maybe this was as good a time to start smoking as any.

You took an aggressive inhale, and then sputtered and coughed.

“Couldn’t remember if you smoked or not?” Robin asked with a crooked smile.

You choked a few more times, throat burning. “What is it with people coming here and losing their memory?” You asked, hoping maybe Robin would be the one withholding some answers.

Robin leaned against the side of the building, hiking one foot up behind her, both of you staring across the alleyway at the metal fence and the diner that was down another block.

“I wish I knew,” she admitted softly. “I met a girl once…” she drifted off, taking time to flick her cigarette. “She was...like you, but also, not.”

You turned to face her, interest piqued. You put the filter of the cigarette between your lips but did not inhale before lowering it.

Robin continued. “She remembered stuff, from her other life.”

From her other life…

Robin looked around, as if to make sure no one was around, as if she shouldn’t be talking about it. “She had these tattoos all over her body,” she used the hand holding her cigarette to gesture down her leg and over her shoulders. “She said they were like passport stamps for all of the different dimensions she’d traveled through.”

You swallowed hard, thinking about your own tattoos.

“Anyway,” she snorted, scratching her elbow. “Everyone thought she was crazy, but I loved---I thought she was funny and brilliant. I believed her.”

Robin seemed to follow where your mind went and both pairs of eyes traveled to the tops of your feet that were visible through your sandals. There was a circle with dots around it on your left foot, and three parallel lines on your right foot; a thick black circle around your big toe. You also had some on your stomach, your sternum, under your arms, behind your knees, just behind your ear. They were all geometric shapes and markings, and none of them made sense to you, but you figured that, whoever you were before was into that sort of thing.

“Hers were the same, but different,” Robin assured you, without you having to ask the question.

“What else did she remember?” You asked reluctantly, a part of you almost afraid to know.

Robin swallowed, clearing her throat after taking another drag. “Supposedly, this place---” she looked around at the sky and the building, “--was designed to be like a safe house for travelers like her...like you.”

You made a face, clenching your eyebrows together. “So this place isn’t real? You’re not real? It’s all just a dream or something?”

Robin put her hand up, palm out. “Touch me.”

You obliged, spreading your fingers and pressing your hand against hers to feel the warmth and the callouses.

“Do I feel real?” She asked.

You nodded, deciding to run your fingers down the brick of the building to also see if it was real.

“She said there are billions of parallel lives, and we’re all living them at once, moment to moment,” she snubbed the last of her smoke out in the ashtray. “What this place is called is a flicker, like a blink, a sliver that exists in between each of our simultaneous existences.”

To be honest, it made you head hurt a little. But you didn’t want her to stop talking, you wanted to know more, you wanted…

But then the bell at the front desk rang to alert that someone needed service, and Robin was getting ready to head to her other job, but you asked her when she’d be back.

“Not for a couple days,” she told you with an air of reluctance. “But come by Family Video sometime, I’ll introduce you to the King of Hawkinsgate.”

You didn’t know what that meant, but you knew you wanted to talk to her again.

“Is there a VCR in your room?” Robin asked. “If not, we rent them at our place. I could get you all set up.”

The bell rang again, this time the person was tapping their hand on it over and over.

As Robin backed away, she waved to you. “Hey, don’t be afraid, okay? Wherever you come from, I’m pretty sure you were a badass. I know she was.”

----------

Eddie dropped down on the couch in the living room of his trailer with a grunt. He was still in his work clothes, hair and face filthy, mouth parched. His grim reaper forearm tattoo was almost gone, and so he ran his hand over it vigorously to peel the rest of it off, bits of his sticking to his arm hair. He was tired of convincing himself not to go over to the motel and see you. He was tired of listening to people, especially Gary, telling him he was doing the right thing by staying away.

If only they knew…

He pulled the bandanna off of his head and let his hair go loose, thinking about what sounded good to eat. It had been over a week, but he still had some of the cans of spaghettiOs you’d left behind, and he figured that was as good as anything for dinner. He turned the TV on and slipped the movie Halloween into his VCR so that he could have something on while he cooked.

In the bathroom, he washed his face while the shower got hot, and then he opened a can of beer and jumped in, sipping the beverage as he washed the grime of the day away.

Standing on the blue bathmat, he turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around his waist, hair long and wet down his shoulders. On his chest and back were strange markings he’d always known as birthmarks: the outline of a crude triangle, a letter C with a line through it, two vertical wavy lines. He used his hand to wipe some of the fog off of the mirror on the medicine cabinet, making a squeaking sound as he went.

He continued on down the hall to his bedroom, stopping at the closed door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob, wondering what you would think of him if you ever saw what he had in there. The paintings, the drawings, the letters. The songs he had written. The nights he had paced the floor wondering why he kept seeing your face; and then one day, there you were --- appearing to him in the flesh.

First order of business after he ate was to finish the mix tape he’d been working on for you.

Scorpions, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, those were all a given, but he had some other things planned for your listening pleasure as well.

That night, you both had the same dream, and shot out of bed in your separate rooms with a start, clutching the blankets, hearts racing, tears of joy brimming in your eyes. But the second you were fully awake, it was gone; another precious memory lost in the flicker.

——-

[bluemoonjayy]

𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗢𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗙 𝗘𝗠𝗢𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦

[𝕸𝖆𝖙𝖙 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖑𝖔 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗]

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: ʏ/ɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʏᴠᴇ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀɴɪᴠᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴡɴᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴋɪᴅꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴄᴀʀᴏᴜꜱᴇʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

[PART 1] [PART 2]

PLAYLIST:

On dat bxtch by lumi athena

Swimming pools by Kendrick Lamar or lloyd version

The party and the after party (Sango remix) by the weeknd

All mine by plaza

Nightcrawler by Travis scott

On the floor by removeface

Swim by chase atlantic

Into it by chase atlantic

[I RECOMMEND THE SLOWED VERSION]

BEFORE READING

- I wanted to say that english is not my first language so if I make some mistakes tell me lol

- this is not really my first story but im trying to write something different and also hope you like it :3

IM GONNA MAKE A CHRIS ONE IF Y'ALL WILL LIKE THIS

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.

-Are you ready?- my friend Yve asks me after knocking at the door of my room

-yeah, almost done!- I reply -i just need to wear my pants!- I wear them as quickly as possible and open the entrance

-finally!- she rools her eyes quite annoyed by the fact that I made her wait a bit too much -We had to be at the carnival almost 15 minutes ago…-

-sorry, sorry, sorryyyy!- I take my bag and her hand -we’re gonna absolutely run there- and we do as I said, sprinting through the people that are in the streets trying not to hit them

Well…

it didn't work…

-oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!- i apologize as I head myself to my friend who is far from me

-damn, it took you hours to arrive-

-its already much if I'm still alive- I take deep breaths because of the long run I had

After some seconds I recompose myself and look up seeing the amazing carousels that I was waiting to go on since the end of the school

My favorites are the musik express and the tagada

They're the best!

My friend actually finds them boring but still goes with me for unknown reasons, maybe just to keep me company

-come on!- Yve runs leaving me alone

-oh, you bitch!- I laugh and follow her

We first go near the tagada

I notice two boys on it

They both look so alike but one has quite long hair and a hat, they're probably twins

-Yve? Why are they the only ones on it?- I turn my head to watch her

-they’re the owner's kids- she replies -they do this to test the carousel to see if it has some problems, you know-

I return my eyes back on the two of them

-Nick! Make this thing start!- the one with the hat screams at another person that looked like them in the control box

-okay, Chris!- he presses some buttons and the machine moves

The boys are still standing at the center of it

-Matt, are you ready?- Chris screams

-Yes, i am!- he smiles a little

The carousel starts to move and the brothers do the most insane things to not fall down of it

One of them does a backflip

-wow!- Yve whispers -they’re really good-

-i could never- I chuckle

I would probably be at the hospital if I even tried to stand on it for a second

After some other crazy backflips and shit the carousel stops

Matt looks at me in the eyes and I feel myself getting this crazy feeling that I almost never had in my entire life

He smirks and winks at me

“Wait…did he REALLY do that to me?”

-Matt, we gotta help Nick with the tickets- Chris points at the control box where the poor boy is being pressured selling tickets to hundreds of people

-yeah…- the brunette looks at me a last time and heads to the other brothers

“he's so fin-Y/N! Stop having crushes on random people that show you affection,okay?” my cheeks get red at the thought of the last gesture that the man did

“but still…what if he wasn't doing that to me? What if I'm just being delusional? what if-”

My thoughts get interrupted by my friend

-girl, are you okay? You're blushing like crazy right now!- she laughs

-stop! It's better if we go try the attractions- we head to the nearest one

*one hour later*

It's time to (finally) go on the tagada

Yve pays her ticket and sits on the first free place she found

-it’s 3 dollars- Nick tells me and I take the money to give him

-Wait!- I look at the boy's side and I see matt -i’ll pay her ticket-

At those words I smile -don’t worry it's just 3 dollars!-

-nah, you shouldn't worry- he hands me the ticket -come on!-

I take it a bit reluctantly and sit far from my friend since almost all the good places got taken

I begin to hold myself tight to not slip/fall

Like I said before, my friend is literally unbothered by all of this

She doesn't even hold much most of the times

Maybe I'm too scared, i should be relaxed like her

I'm not gonna die for a stupid game after all

SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR PLAYS

My favorite song starts and I smile looking at Yve that mouths "im here just because of you"

I rool my eyes and we both laugh

-okay, ladies and gentlemen or whatever! The ride is initiating so hold yourself and have fun!- Nick states in the microphone

The two brothers are the last to enter

They both positionate in the middle, Matt right in front of me

He smiles and i do so too

“I'm 100 percent sure now that he's flirting with me” I think

Nobody ever flirted with me, people always tried to avoid being near me

Except Yve

She sees the real me and Im really grateful for that

The carousel starts and I feel quite nervous

It first spins around not too fast but some seconds after it forces some thrusts

As always, I was about to fall from the seat

Meanwhile Matt and Chris where perfectly standing and occasionally jumping to avoid the thrusts

I was watching them thinking that I wanted to learn how to do that too

I manage to not slip for almost the whole time

The ride was about to end and Nick announces the last round

I turn to mouth to my friend “help me” and she replies with “its all right”

The carousel spins around really fast and I try my best to stay where I am

Suddenly Matt loses balance and bumps into me

It didn't hurt much fortunately and he sits beside me

The game stops, making everyone stand up and head to the exit

I was about to too but the boy takes my hand

-i…I wanted to apologize for what happened- he says -did I hurt you?-

-im fine, don't worry!- I smile -and thanks again for the ticket-

-no problem, babe- he smirks

I feel myself exploding mentally and almost physically

-well…I have to go, see you- I leave and he follows me

-can't you stay a bit more?- I turn to face him

-i should be with my friend actually…-

I stop to think

This boy is trying to flirt with me and he's also my type

Yve will understand

I take my phone and text her

•YVE• •YOU•

You can go without me,

I'll explain later

fine...

✅(read)

---------------------------------------------------

-okay, now I can- his face seems to enlighten at my words

-great! Wanna take a drink?- I nod a yes and we head to the nearest bar

⭒₊ ⊹🌕₊ ⊹⭒⭒₊ ⊹🌕₊ ⊹⭒⭒₊ ⊹🌕₊ ⊹⭒⭒₊ ⊹🌕₊

PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT :D

SEE YAAAA

[mochayoubi]

hello!! how are you? i'm reaching out to you because you're the one i keep seeing my dashboard that's related to japanese learning.

i wanted to ask: how do you suggest a beginner should start studying? like, they're N5, and they know hiragana and katakana, but do not know how to move forward from there because it scares them? (it's me, btw, hi hello how are you how are the kids)

thank you so much!! have a good day!!

omg hi!!! im doing ok (im sick rn but it's fine lol) thanks sm for the ask! :3

i think the best thing you can do for yourself is follow your curiosity! at the early stages of learning curiosity will take you much farther than trying to set hard deadlines for yourself - especially when it sounds like moving forward is a bit intimidating at the moment.

so, i'm going to list out things that might be worth checking out. it takes a while for people to figure out what works for them, and since you mentioned you already know hiragana/katakana you're primed to get out there and really explore your options! embrace the feeling of possibility rather than the fear of the unknown :D i say this bc if you get too caught up in making the "right" choice it might just make learning too stressful to want to continue

anyway here's some things that beginners commonly go for when continuing with japanese learning (under the readmore)

find a textbook and work through it there's a bunch out there, I know Genki I is probably the most well-known, but i'm also familiar with Tobira I, Yookoso, and Minna no Nihongo. textbooks are nice because they're literally designed for learners and offer structure to what order you learn kanji, grammar, etc. and come with lots of practice questions. the difficult part is self-teaching through them since they tend to assume youre also using it with a teacher who can correct you and give advice. however they're still pretty good as references imo! if you google "[textbook name] pdf" they're pretty likely to come up

find an app you can use daily there are also a lot of these, and many of them are designed to be used daily so you can better enforce the habit of studying japanese every day. these tend to be simpler and gamefied to make it more appealing and easier to pick up as well. i would just stay away from duolingo as i've heard their japanese curriculum is bad. some other ones i've heard are helpful are Renshuu and Human Japanese.

find an online guide and follow it by "online guide" i mean websites people have compiled of their own guides to learning japanese, such as Tae Kim. these are more accessible and unlike textbooks tend to assume that you are self-studying, so it's easier to follow independently, but usually don't have any practice questions or ways to test yourself. still good as a reference. you can also check out this website that specifies their philosophy on what makes effective japanese learning and what steps to take as a beginner (imo it's very. long. and winds on for a while. but people have said it helps!)

download and use anki anki is an app (both phone and pc) that uses flashcards and that many learners use to retain vocab. their site has decks other people have created, and you can find decks of "core vocab" for example which has flashcards of common japanese vocab. you can also create your own flashcards of words you encounter in the wild to help practice them even after you've read it. i think anki is super useful, but i would probably suggest using it once you have more of a grasp on basic japanese concepts or else you'll just be rote-memorizing things that don't make sense to you yet. but i'm putting it here in case this appeals to you!

take a class or find an online tutor now this one will most likely cost you money, but it offers the most structure and guidance possible which can be extremely helpful starting out since you're able to ask questions and get feedback. you can look into nearby universities who might offer japanese classes, or you can try one of the many language-learning tutor websites out there. i've had some decent success with italki, and there's also JOI (japanese online institute) that i've heard is very helpful too.

watch japanese-learning videos these can be nice bc you can actually hear the japanese and how it's supposed to sound, and it's typically lower effort and easier to get into than actively starting a textbook or class. miku real japanese, japarrot, and 日本語の森 are channels i've watched before and like, but there's plenty others out there too. i'd just steer away from clickbait-y looking ones like "i learned japanese in 30 days and here's how!!" since they tend to not be that helpful.

read simple stories in japanese reading in japanese tends to be the most intimidating step for people, but there's sites that have stories made for beginners that are easy to follow and only use hiragana/katakana. my go-to for my students is usually tadoku since the stories are short, organized by level, and very beginner friendly. a while ago someone showed me natively which lets you look up japanese books, also by level. if you want some good beginner manga, yotsuba and teasing master takagi-san are what i've recommended before

misc. things you can try!

watch anime but intentionally - try to actively listen and pick up on words they say. a long time ago i used animelon, which puts japanese subtitles that you can adjust to show hiragana only

look up jlpt n5/n4 specific materials. they're geared for an exam so it might not be the most natural feeling, but they do tend to be convenient for lists of vocab and grammar. this website has some helpful resources for that

add an extension on your browser that will let you hover over japanese words and see its definition. i use firefox and have 10ten reader to do this, but rikaikun and yomichan are also similar extensions

when you learn the japanese word for something in your house, put a sticky note on it that has the japanse word. like, for "table" you can put a note on it that says 「テーブル」. i heard this can help with retention (i haven't done it myself tbf)

EDIT: ohh i can't believe i forgot this. but join a japanese-learning community! there's discord servers out there, and if you have a friend willing to study with you you can ask them to be your accountability buddy.

anyway, i know that was a lot but i hope that gives you some direction on where you'd like to go next in your japanese learning journey! ^_^ and again, absolutely no pressure to do all of these. the most important thing is letting curiosity be your guide and fostering a positive relationship with learning japanese rather than being afraid. if i can help out some more lmk!!

[chronosh0t]

“ I listen to everything you say ”

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

short drabble based off this tweet

tags: male skk Zenas (my OC) x Lee ; PGR ; alternative universe but still inside the world of pgr ; ascendant Lee, the "young man / other Ascendant" is my OC Arawn.

words: 1.9k

this is very self-indulgent. no beta reader.

if you have any question, feel free to ask me on the box thingie! you can also find me on twt under the same username.

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

It ended all wrong. Everything turned out to be wrong.

Zenas doesn't remember where, at what point things decided to turn in the wrong direction and changed the course of his life, of one his teammates life. He could not think of any specific moment, choice, or action that could explain the situation at hand at that exact time, but he knew that there was no way he could've turned back to zero again.

Not even now.

The days in Babylonia started to feel too dull, too dark, even the weather felt extremely gloomy, as if the system wanted to accompany him in his mourning. There was always a silence, that no matter how loud the music was, how many people talked, it was impossible to ignore. The absence was abysmal.

Zenas's mind was spiralling to utter chaos and, if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn't even trying to find a stop. The flashbacks of that day, as if they were purposely hunting him and remind him how much everything has changed, colliding with the knowledge of not being able to do nothing, not back then, not now.

He wanted to just sleep and forget about everything. If he were a Construct he would've already asked for a reboot. To Zenas's own disgrace he was but a mere human, and amnesia wasn't something one could ask and be given. He wished he could give up. However, it was not an option. There were still two girls waiting for him to get better, to be back so they could keep with their mission, for them, and for him. 

Him. The one missing. The one who wouldn't come back no matter how loud and how many times Zenas called him. His name tasted so different. Bitter.

Unknown to Zenas. He was also calling him, missing him, missing his teammates, missing his days in Babylonia. But he knew that, for his Commandant to be safe, it was best if they thought he was dead. And that's how it should've stayed. How it was supposed to be, yet, not quite meant.

Lee spent the days after the incident of the tower, wandering around earth, cleaning some corrupted and trying to help humans in need. He would search for any supplies that could help them go through their situation a bit better, Lee would also stay in some safe zones by providing some protection, all that by keeping a line and not letting any Construct from Babylonia know he was still alive.

After all, he was technically an Ascendant now. Even if he didn't give himself to the virus and became an Agent, he was still a corrupted, someone who Babylonia deemed a danger, something that needed to be ended. The years he spent in the front lines fighting for humanity meant nothing.

But it mattered little. As long as he could keep helping, it was fine. He just needed to make sure to keep his activities hidden and it should be fine. Right? That's how he planned everything, however, not everything goes according to a certain plan. That's why Lee never expected to see him.

Just like any other day, Lee was scanning the surroundings, his gun needed some repair after fighting nonstop some ascendants he did not know about. The task, as difficult as trying to dry out the ocean, was taking too long, he walked for hours, checked dead corrupted and even the weapons those ascendants were using, to no avail.

The sun was setting down. Wandering during the night being not the best option, he opted for finding a suitable place to rest and hide. That's where he found such a place. A greenhouse.

How come there's a greenhouse? Is that even possible considering the environment? Those thoughts filled his M.I.N.D. It was in fair condition, the glasses a bit muddy, but none of them were broken. He could see even a variety of flowers, wild grass growing outside the greenhouse, birds and butterflies flying happily at the sight.

While keeping as quiet as he could, Lee tried to get close and what he saw startled him. Inside, vintage furniture in really good state, teacups and… food? Two shadows suddenly appeared, Lee clutched down, kept that position for a few seconds before straightening a bit and focusing his visual mode on the two people.

Ascendants? Humans?

He could clearly see one of them, although just from the back, he had long white hair, dressed in a… suit? as weird as it looked, that person was wearing quite a fancy suit, and his mannerisms were as delicate as they could be. Maybe that individual used to be from a prominent family. The latter sat down on a sofa, now the other person was visible.

Lee's mechanical heart started to beat too fast. Chaos formed on his M.I.N.D and he could feel how his frame was malfunctioning slightly at the sight. The height matched perfectly, those pretty and unique eyes, with more dark circles that he remembered, that black messy hair with blue tips. Oh, and that mischievous smile, showing his fangs.

It was him. His Commandant. Zenas was standing there, inside that greenhouse, and moreover, he was having a conversation with an Ascendant. His posture was casual, Lee could notice that Zenas was too relaxed, so that only meant one thing: he knew that Ascendant, he knew he wasn't in danger.

In an attempt to deny what he was seeing, he double checked his visual modules and even did a deep scan on his M.I.N.D, just to be sure that it wasn't a trick or some error. As expected, everything was fine. What he saw was happening.

Lee sat down and rested his back on a rock. He needed to calm down. Of course, it was easier to said than to be done, it has been so long since the last time he saw Zenas, he knew himself very well, denying those feelings and the urge to run inside that greenhouse were too much to handle, but he couldn't let his Commandant know he was alive. Or it would oppose a danger not only to him but also to Lucia and Liv. He closed his eyes and tried to think of just that, of how bad it'd be if he dared to show his face. But oh boy, how much he desired to see him up close, to hug him, to…

ㅤㅤㅤ“Don't lose focus.” he said to himself through gritted teeth.

His ear still picked up some noise. If he wanted he could've easily listened to what they were talking but it was none of his business. At least not anymore. So he only opted to hear small hints that would let him know if Zenas left. And after what seemed ages, the glass door opened and a pair of steps started to fade away.

ㅤㅤㅤ“He left already.” a raspy voice came from behind, “You can come out now, Ascendant.” finished, for some reason the tone of his voice carried some kind of annoyance.

Lee stood up and faced the white-haired person. It was a few centimetres taller than him, up close he could see his eyes didn't match in colour, one was of a dark green and the other was black. He talked and moved with delicacy. Nonetheless, this young man was still an Ascendant, so why did he sound so annoyed? Could it be..?

ㅤㅤㅤ“Why were you hiding here?” he asked, his face was stoic, no sign of emotion, then added, “You are… Lee, right?”

That question left Lee speechless. Did he know who he was? Does that mean, as he thought of, Zenas knew this Ascendant was some sort of friend? He was at loss for words. The silence was enough response for the man in front of him.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Zenas used to talk a lot about you” mencione casually, at the same time he did a gesture with his hand, as if telling Lee to get inside the greenhouse so they could talk. So he did.

After the two of them walked in, the door closed. The young man talked again. “You look slightly different from what he told me, but the overall essence is there. How did he call you?” he pondered to himself while serving tea. “Ah, right, he used to refer to you as his ‘soon-to-be boyfriend’, I remember now.”

His… boyfriend. It sounded pretty, it sounded right. Lee was not aware of it, but a smile took shape, the boy who was looking at him let out a sigh. If there was a mirror, Lee would've probably be shocked now, the warmth inside his body was perfectly visible on his face, that shy smile was still there and there was so much fondness in his eyes.

ㅤㅤㅤ“You can just tell him. He would go with you.”

That line brought Lee back to reality. Now his eyes were locked on the young man's. If he was honest, he wanted to ask what kind of relationship the two of them has but right now there was something more important to clarify.

ㅤㅤㅤ“He is not allowed to know I'm alive. It would out him in a lot of risk” Lee said firmly.

ㅤㅤㅤ“But he—”

ㅤㅤㅤ“I know he…” there was a pause, the words were stuck on his throat, swallowing seemed like a hard task now, “I know he would follow me, but it's precisely because of that reason that he mustn't know about my actual situation.”

The young man, again, sighed heavily. “I never understood him, and now I don't understand you either. It's clear that both of you share the same feelings for the other, so why not make it easy and just be honest?” he took a sir, crossed his leg and grabbed one of the teacup, “What are you scared of? He is a very strong and capable human, and trust me, he is not fond of the human side of his. He would gladly give up that just to stay with you.” finished his sentence and took a sip. Lee could smell it, it was a strong black tea, the same Zenas would usually drink.

Lee grasped his gun with so much strength it started to break, that statement was enough to make him angry. Funny enough that anger was directly at himself, for feeling slightly happy at hearing that, at the fact that Zenas felt the same way he did.

ㅤㅤㅤ“No.” Lee replied, the anger did not subdued. “If you know what I feel, then you should know that I would never do something that'd put him in danger. So I suggest you keep your mouth shut and keep this conversation hidden from him.”

The next few seconds were filled with silence, not far away the sound of birds could be heard. The tension was so palpable, anyone who dared to enter that greenhouse would've been able to feel it, even cut it with scissors. The Ascendant took a few more sips from the cup, placed it back on the table and stood up again, walked straight to Lee and stopped two steps away.

ㅤㅤㅤ“You would do anything he ordered you, right? That's how loyal you are.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Yes.” he answered.

ㅤㅤㅤ“If he asked you to kill yourself, would you do it?” the man questioned him again, his eyes showing not a single ounce of emotion.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Yes.” dry, sure of himself. That was Lee's answer.

The Ascendants let out a chuckle. It seemed that he was not expecting such loyalty. And there was not a single second where the man thought Lee was lying, what made it even more surprising.

ㅤㅤㅤ“What a duo of insane people.”

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

🦋 and that's it. i hope it was good enough.

🦋 if you reaches this far, thank you for reading.

[thermodynamic-comedian]

markiplier lore is queer: an essay by me.

dedicated to @system32-cleanmgr <2

so, to start things off, i wanna talk about the gender of it all. because of the gender ambiguity of the viewer insert in almost every markiplier lore video, the universe now has at least three canonical non-binary characters who go by they/them pronouns (wether these characters are all the same character, different characters, or kind of the same character is unknown).

but that's not where the gender fuckery of the better mcu ends. you see, there's also the (subtextual and mostly ignored, yes, but still relevant) overall gender fuckery of darkiplier's character. because, while they present male, they are still in some ways a combination of celine and damien, two people of opposite genders (not to mention the fact that they exist inside the body of the viewer from who killed markiplier, who's one of the formerly mentioned non-binary characters). so, while not explicit representation, i personally like to think of darkiplier as some flavor of genderfluid.

i also feel like damien and celine's specific gender expressions themselves affect darkiplier in some ways: while they're both (presumably) cis, the two still have very distinct ways of performing their respective gender identities. damien portrays a softer version of masculinity, whereas celine shows a slightly harsher femininity than what we're used to seeing in media. he's a bit clueless and sees things from an emotional, human perspective, and she's clearly used to being the rational, fast-paced one, always trying to find solutions. this dynamic might have something to do with them being siblings (and i'm assuming celine's the older of the two, purely because of all the talk of 'keeping damien safe'), and it's not inherently queer, but it is interesting to me that these characters have such specific ways of acting out their genders.

now, this one's not as important, but i would also like to mention the casual usage of they/them pronouns for other characters as well. in in space with markiplier: part 2, mark explicitly refers to the character of lady by they/them pronouns multiple times (this could also be either because they're an alien and mark doesn't know how they identify, or because their actor, lio tipton, is non-binary, but to me, that reads as somewhat solid confirmation that the character goes by they/them pronouns), and mark himself is referred to as "they" by the narrator at least once.

this isn't really a gender identity thing, but rather a gender expression thing, but i do also wanna talk about wilford warfstache and his gender non-conformativity. i do think he identifies as male, all things considered, but he doesn't seem the least bit interested in masculinity as a concept, favouring traditionally (i say traditionally, but i do mean societally, since pink used to be considered a boy color) feminine colors like pink and yellow, and being more than open to expressing his feelings and encouraging other characters to do the same.

now i'm gonna get into the sexualities. how are queer sexualities portrayed in markiplier lore?

well, that's a hard question to answer; no character has ever been (as far as i know) specifically stated to be of any sexual orientation. although there is a high possibility that wilford is pansexual, since he was clearly in love with celine, but it's implied he doesn't really care about the gender of whomever he happens to be romantically or sexually involved with at the time (i.e. him casually asking abe if they used to date, because that really is a possibility).

aside from wilford, because of the ambiguous gender of the viewer insert, a lot of characters end up being inadvertedly queer because of their attraction to them, most of them most likely falling on the m-spec.

there's also something to be said about abe the detective. is he gay or not? well, again, nothing's canon, but i think it's safe to assume he isn't straight. the "accidental" homoerotic innuendos he makes constantly seem less like a joke about being gay, and more like a joke about having repressed, sexual thoughts about someone, and having those thoughts emerge as those kinds of comments.

the "would anyone like to join me?" comment might just be will making fun of him, but i can't find it in myself to think actor mark is straight either. i guess it's just a headcanon, but let's be honest, he's every 'subtly' queer-coded old cartoon villain ever. he's rich, dramatic, petty, and vain, and frankly sometimes being evil and queer is just a fact of life.

but i'm not gonna go further into my headcanons on here, lest this post turn into a list instead of an essay, so i'll just wrap it up here. thanks for listening to my ramble.

[dark-and-kinky-hetalia-scenarios]

Checked your account, and I liked it tbh :)

But I have a request here if you want it..

I want some most kinky and dark headcanon about either 2p russia or 1p russia or even both-

Thank you! (^J^)

I'm glad you like it! And you've come to the right place :D

Just a fair warning, the tones of these two headcanons are vastly different, proceed with caution.

1p Russia/Ivan Braginsky

Ah yes everyone’s favourite asshole, he is the definition of “avoid if at all possible”. Anyway this one will be very dark, so be warned of that before reading. (Aka it’s going to be a bit yandere themed)

Let me start by saying that consent is not a city in Russia, meaning this guy is not exactly great with the idea of not just taking what he wants. He’s better at it as a non-yandere, but this is a dark!Russia headcanon so it will be a yandereish depiction of him. Though with the same obsession, it’s just the dark version of him.

So he enjoys scaring people, including his sexual partners. Which does involve creepy behaviour on purpose. Such as wrapping his fingers gently around your neck, caressing it while smiling, a niceish moment the first time. Then he will sweetly “compliment” your dainty neck, so smooth, beautiful, breakable.

Keeping calm is your best defense, he will be more likely to proceed if he can scare you, he likes it when you make big fawn eyes, with the fear emitting so heavily that it is almost visible to the naked eye

The creepy behaviour is never following a clear pattern, you never know when he will switch it up. But your limits will be pushed for his amusement until he decides it is time

After weeks or even months of terrifying you until you tiptoe around the mansion, he will make his move. This means stalking you in the dark for a while, until you are shaking from the fear. He'll pin you against the wall, grab your chin and examine you, what he's looking for you'll never know

He'll squeeze your cheeks before pressing his lips against yours, slowly forcing your mouth open to explore your mouth on the inside. You'll resist and he'll be rougher, but make no mistake he wants you to resist, at least until you come to the horrifying conclusion that it's pointless. He gets off on it.

Then for an unknown reason he lets go of you, tucks a few stray hairs behind your ear and wishes you a goodnight. Then he leaves you alone in the dark corridor.

He will slowly take it further and further. He'll switch between being his usual creepy, asshole-y self and being nice, almost caring. Leaving you confused every time he subjects you to his inappropriate behaviour.

Eventually he'll break you down, and then the really dark things will start happening. Consent with be dubious at best.

2p Russia/Viktor Braginsky

So this Character is asexsual/demisexual, and will not engage in these things without a very trusted partner, so for the sake of this ask that will be the case and it will be a roleplay thing for him. Good thing darker sexual roleplays is something he enjoys in my canon:3

So, his go-to roleplay is master/slave, it’s about the control for him and you submitting to him. Safe words are always included with him

everything takes place behind closed doors and curtains at home, no one but you two will know what is going on in there. Which in hindsight is probably also for the best

the position is almost always missionary for the penetration, but that is only a small part of the session

You will be edged for hours, or at least until you beg. You will be blindfolded to make it more intense

toys are a bit difficult unless you bring them, as he’s too paranoid to buy any

in case you have some, he does enjoy electro play, you do squirm so nicely under him when he subjects you to it

his fingers receive a lot of use. Neither of your mouths really do, but fingers truly see some dark places.

In the end, the sessions do take a while of ordering you around until he feels it’s time to start the naughty part of it. There won’t be a warning for the start of that, but that is agreed upon in the start.

after the session is done you will receive a kiss, and some aftercare (this part took him a bit to understand but he does realise you need it to feel good, after you tell him of course). He has some odd ideas on what would make you feel the best (vodka is not the solution, neither is target shooting with the faces of people you don’t like. Maybe the actual person if you really hate them)