#the way they all speak about the show's decline is so heartbreaking honestly

[samanthamulder]

Ray Wise in Secrets From Another Place: Creating Twin Peaks

[honeytae]

Hi!! Idk if you’re taking requests or not, but I was hoping I could request something along the lines of where you’re in love with your best friend, taehyung, but he doesn’t know and he’s getting married soon. you don’t tell him how you feel until the night of his wedding when you’re a bit tipsy from drinking your feelings away. you can decide the ending! thank you in advance if you end up writing this! hope you’re doing well and staying safe. Xx

hi darling! i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write. i couldn’t get it to a point where i was satisfied with it for a really long time, i still don’t feel that good about it honestly but hopefully it’s okay for you!!! i tried to make it angsty (yikes) so hopefully it’s not horrible lmao

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @the1921-monsters

genre: angst

word count: 1.6k

warnings: um so much heartbreak, oc is a little (very) in denial about the situation and comes off a little toxic tbh, requited love but nothing they can do about it now, mentions of tae going into a panic attack

You couldn’t handle it.

You couldn’t handle the ‘congratulations to the happy couple,’ nor the Mr. and Mrs. Kim sign practically floating over their heads. You couldn’t handle the copious bouquets and all the preparations that went into this.

And you felt like a complete asshole about it.

Which is precisely why you decided to prematurely exit the event, doing yourself and everyone else a favor by leaving for the night to go sulk in your hotel by your lonesome.

The elevator ride up to your floor was miserable, your own battles within your mind coupled with the fact that your floor was the top one, making the ride excruciatingly long on top of everything else.

Rustling with the hotel key in your bag seemed to take forever as well, finally barging into your half unpacked space with a sigh. You quickly shut the door behind you, hoping you’d been able to sneak away from the hotel lobby without any guests noticing.

Shuffling further into the room, you sat on the edge of the king bed in the center of the room, placing your head in your hands at the mere prospect of this weekend.

Taehyung was getting married. Kim Taehyung, your best friend, the one person you’d been pining for since middle school, would be legally bound to someone else in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe you just shouldn’t have come. Despite sending red flags to Tae, you couldn’t think of a better solution than fleeing at this exact moment. Why did you think you could handle this?

Two knocks against the locked door had your head raising from its resting place, cursing under your breath at someone coming after you.

You didn’t feel well. That would be your excuse.

“Hey, you okay?” Immediately upon opening the door, Taehyung spoke the question out into the air, dark eyebrows knit in concern and kind eyes imploring yours for an answer.

“Hi. I’m fine, just a little tired, Tae.” You pressed your lips together in a hopefully believable smile, the man frowning before nodding at you.

“Me too. Can I come in?” He asked, the question completely innocent however making your heart rate a bit faster at the what if. What if things had gone differently? What if it was still a possibility for things to escalate between you two?

Cut it out. He’s about to be a married man.

You raised your eyebrows at him for a moment, then stepped back to allow him in, putting all your concentration on shutting the wood for a moment as you took a steadying breath.

“What about your party?” You wondered aloud, the man humming as he took a seat on your fully made bed.

“I’m tired of the parties. They’re exhausting.” He chuckled, covering his face with his hands as he reclined back on your bed.

Your heart skipped another beat at the vision, his tight pants leaving little to the imagination and buttons from his dress shirt stretched to new limits with his strained position. Diverting your eyes, you walked over to the desk chair in the corner of your room, reaching for a water bottle out of your mini fridge. Get a fucking grip.

Tossing one over to the bed beside Taehyung, you sat down in the plush seat, grateful that the man didn’t seem to notice your distance from him as you glanced out the window.

Until….

“Are you really okay? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

At his sudden words, you froze, gripping your water a bit tighter as you brought your eyes back to his face. He was closer now than before, having scooted to the edge of your bed to lean toward you, eyes showing concern for you as you shuffled in your seat.

Taehyung was never one to beat around the bush, and at times like this, you really wish he would just brush some things under the rug as easy as you could.

“I’m good, Tae. Just have a lot going on, I guess. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You said, hoping to clear the air and dismiss the topic as soon as you possibly could. The man’s stare wasn’t helping your state any.

“No apologies. Just wanted to check in on you.” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with your lack of response before a hideous painting across the room caught his eye.

“What the fuck is that?” He griped, making you chuckle as he sat up to lean toward the art piece, squinting with his lip curled in amusement.

“It’s not so bad.” You shrugged, smirking when he turned back to you in bewilderment. Realizing you were teasing him, his eyes went back to normal size, a smile meeting his own lips at the return of your familiar banter.

“How can you sleep in a room with that shit? I feel like asking for a refund.” He shook his head, making you laugh before taking a swig from your water.

“Somehow I manage.” You replied, twisting the cap back on the bottle with a sigh.

It’s times like these that you feel as though nothing is wrong. Times like these that transport you back to periods of your life when Taehyung was just a call away, and you thought maybe, just maybe, you two had a chance. But that was over now. Those days were no more.

Because Taehyung informing you about a blind date then turned into him in a full blown relationship, a serious one at that, and soon enough they were taking big steps such as meeting the parents, moving in together, and yes, getting engaged.

Your friends had been just as shocked as you were, pitying you with deep sympathetic looks over Taehyungs shoulder as you hugged him in confused congratulations. It had all happened so fast...how did you manage to lose him forever?

Waking up the next day, you felt a particular heaviness on your chest. It was the day before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner turned into an entire day of partying for their guests. A celebratory day, if anything.

But waking up and getting all dolled up for this occasion was the absolute last thing you wanted to do, today or ever. You had always thought that you’d have much more of a starring role in Kim Taehyung’s life. Shaking your head to dismiss those kinds of thoughts, you cursed as you left your hotel room, wondering how the hell you’d be getting through this day.

Four martinis. Four martinis was how you’d be getting through today. The bartender had become one of your closest acquaintances over the past few hours, eyeballing you silently as he poured you yet another cocktail, your demands obvious that you were not drinking out of celebration.

Sitting at the bar, you contemplated everything. From the time you’d met Tae, you had been so sure that you two completed each other. Were you that naive? And fuck, why are you still thinking about this now? It’s over. You and Tae will never be.

Nearly jumping off your stool at a hand suddenly clapping your back, you shifted your gaze over to the arm belonging to Jungkook, one of Taehyung’s youngest yet wisest friends.

“You’re sulking.” He said plainly, dark eyes tracing over your faded features, briefly examining the drink in your hand before shooting the bartender a knowing look.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” You sighed, nearly breaking into a sob when his hand laid over yours, fingers fitting between your own in a comforting gesture. With one glance at the man, you gained all the information you didn’t want.

He knew.

You wondered how long he’d known. Jungkook, being the quiet and relatively introverted person he was, was an observer. He knew everything about everyone it seemed, by not speaking to them at all. He noticed everything.

You just hoped he didn’t notice the way your eyes started blinking rapidly, and that he’d instead just go back into the party without another word.

“Neither should you.” He replied to you, his tone holding nothing but concern as he tried to catch your eyes.

You just couldn’t hold it in.

“Well maybe if I wasn’t in love with him I’d be having a better time.” You mumbled, leaning your head down on your hands, elbows pressed to the tops of your thighs, sad and tired as Jungkook froze beside you.

Unbeknownst to you, a concerned Taehyung had also come to find you, stumbling upon that very scene as Jungkook tried to console you.

Meeting eyes with his older friend, Jungkook’s mouth gaped open for a moment, opening and closing like a fish out of water as you cluelessly rambled under your breath about how stupid you were to ever let yourself come here.

With a shaky exhale, Taehyung silently began to put it all together. The way you’d been working constantly lately, picking up every shift you could to decline his repeated attempts at getting together with you, the way you’d ran off last night and brushed it off as you being too tired. It was all adding up.

You were struggling with this as much as he was. Maybe more.

But what Taehyung could do about this years ago was no longer an option, his hands shaking at his sides as he spun on his heel and walked out of the lobby. He could briefly hear Jungkook call for him but ignored it, breathing heavily as he rounded one of the hallways leading to the restrooms.

Unshed tears misted over his eyes as he hugged a corner of the wall, feeling rather unsteady as he leaned his forehead against the cool surface. The burning pain in his chest had him sinking down to the floor in an instant, sobs wracking his shoulders with heightening emotions rising in his throat.

You’d finally given him the green light. And it was too fucking late.

[kdramachitchat]

2 confessions, a supportive network and many surgeries

Episode 2 opens with the group of friends uses Lee Ikjun’s card (that he left with Gyeoul) and takes advantage as much as possible. Ikjun sees the transactions via his phone and panics in shock, rushes into work. He still thinks its only Gyeoul spending using his CC but includes the rest of his friends. Faking a phonecall too inside the elevator. Never leave your card with others — even if it’s your friends, hehe.

Jeongwon love confession & deals with a difficult young patient

The friends having a night of chitchat while Jeongwon was having a difficulty inserting himself into the conversation because he wants to tell his friends some news, but the friends kept talking about Songhwa’s famous VIP patient. Then after Songhwa talks, that’s the only time the friends noticed that Jeongwon isn’t talking. Honestly, let the man have his moment! Even if you’re friends, he clearly was annoyed. He confessed that he is seeing Gyeoul but Ikjun was not taking it seriously. Finally, the group was for a moment left speechless with mouths open. Junwan asked if Gyeoul was the reason why he didnt leave for priesthood and answered that it was one of his biggest reasons. I guess his friends should be thankful for her then and i’m glad Songhwa was the first to say that she supports him. Ikjun followed suit. Seokyung raised his hand and said that he knew because his mother told him last week. HAHA! Jeongwon was surprised that he was discreet. He told him that his mother likely told his mother. Songhwa being a good supportive friend told Jeongwon that she promises to keep it as a secret. She’s a good person.

The dynamic on how they reacted to Jeongwon’s confession was interesting.

Junwan was curious, Songhwa was supportive, Ikjun made light jokes and Seokhyeong made a confession about his discreetness. Goes to show that they all have different personalities but it is what makes the 5 friends dynamic when they are together.

Dr. Ahn, has to deal with a child (Seongwon) who will not let him treat the surgery staples on his back. He advises the mother to calm him down and come back. When the kid comes back, it’s the same problem all over and the mother loses her patience. I dont even know how Jeongwon deals with children like these, even me as a viewer i already got annoyed.

1st surgery

Its nice that we get to see a continuation Seokhyeong and Minha continue to work from the previous complicated pregnant woman for a emergency surgery.

The patient Kim Sujeong, Seokhyeong and Minha are anxious about the patient Kim Sujeong with her upcoming emergency surgery. They warn the patient that she may need to have the surgery if the cervix dilates. Seokhyeong mentions to Minha to keep monitoring the patient.

There’s a sudden emergency — Kim Sujeong’s baby is now external from the mother, meaning both feet and cord are out. That’s terrible! She rings Seokhyeong and reports to him. He instructs her to get ready and call pediatricts. More terrible news, the baby does not survive. Im totally crushed for the mother. This is so sad. Seokhyeong tells parents that they tried CPR on the baby for 30 minutes and they did the best they could. He then gave the best advice for the patient and it’s to recover. Yang Seokhyeong is at a loss for words and does not know how to comfort the mother that has lost her baby.

Yang Seokhyeong is also in a terrible state because he couldn’t save the baby, he commented to Ikjun on how rare the result of the complication was but admired the patient for their strength. Although he feels for the patient, he was at loss for his words & is struggling on how to comfort the mother.

Later, Kim Sujeong the patient drops off flowers and a appreciation card for Seokhyeong — She doesn’t want him to be sorry and appreciates the heartbeat she felt from her baby. They were the last moments the parents experienced while the baby was alive. I feel like crying at that moment!

Sometimes you just have to feel bad for the parent having complicated pregnancy. For me its one of the most emotional and heartbreaking things to deal with. But i love the relationship Seokhyeong has with his patients and vice versa. We didnt get to see alot of him as a doctor during S1 but now we get to see that he is a good doctor who supports his patients and does his best.

2nd surgery

Junwan delivers bad news to Minchan who needs a heart transplant and VAD. He tells the mother that VAD will hold out until they find a transplant and work out costs.

Junwan performs a successful surgery.

3rd surgery +VIP surgery & a TV appearance invitation

Songhwa takes on a client with a deep tumor that needs surgery.

VIP client: Yoo Gyeongjin — a famous violinist

Songhwa is busy! As mentioned during the dinner table with friends, she wants to keep on doing VIP surgeries because it gives her more opportunities to further her career and to take care of more surgeries.

Songhwa is assigned to patient Yoo Gyeongjin that needs surgery, and she breaks down to the young woman what she needs due to the tumor at the front of her brain.

The tumor is buried deep, although Songhwa ensures Yoo Gyeongjin that she is in good hands.

The mother raises how she knows the hospital director, kept complaining about how much she donated to the hospital and that she’d like to speak to Professor Songhwa not knowing that she is speaking directly to her.  She mistaken her for a resident because she looks so young. She immediately defends her team and clearly states that residents are neurosurgeons too.

Songhwa performs the surgery with her team and with difficulty but ended up being successful. As expected by Professor Songhwa. The patient and co were grateful for the result of the surgery.

A German tv wants to interview Professor Songhwa for her recent surgery because of her famous VIP client, she declined because it’s not only her doing but it’s a team effort.

I love how we get to see Songhwa’s personality more on S2. As a supportive friend and team leader.

Songhwa took her time to enjoy coffee and a well deserved one too!

1st irresponsible patient

Lee Ikjun deals with a patient abusing his new liver, Ikjun notices his numbers are up and the patient has been lying infront of his own doctor.

He’s had a liver transplant and Ikjun wonders why his friends are taking him out drinking if they knew that he had a transplant. The wife is so annoyed and told Ikun that he drank 5 days straight within last week alone. The couple started arguing infront of Ikjun and he was left disappointed.

He reminds the patient that many people die from liver damage and do not get the opportunity he has. He insists he will not treat him again and that makes the patient think his harming ways.

Seokhyeong deals with his ex-wife

Yang Seok-hyeong tells his ex-wife that they should put their relationship behind them

We return to the moment Yang Seok-hyeong’s ex-wife asks if they can have more dinners together. He tells her that he feels bad when he sees her, and it makes him feel uncomfortable. He believes they should put their relationship behind them and move on. She accepts what he is saying, and there’s a small sadness emanating between them.

Others:

Iksun shares her frustrations to Junwan that she felt racism abroad.

Dr Ahn has a chat with Seongwon’s mother

What are your highlights from this episode?

Jeongwon’s confession

Songhwa defending her team

Seokhyeong and Minha’s team work

Ikjun straitens out a patient who is damaging his liver from drinking and discusses the reality of it’s effect

Seokhyeong becomes the lead during band practice

The doctors comforting & telling them the hard truth, patients complimenting & thanking their doctors

Seokhyeong setting a line with his exwife

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X7

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

They did it! I can’t believe it! They actually killed DeLuca off! I’m so happy right now! As long time readers will know I have never been a Andrew DeLuca fan and I speculated back in the summer that they might be planning to write his character off after it was revealed that the planned finale for Season 16 included an explosion that was supposed to claim the life of one of the characters. I speculated that DeLuca was the most likely candidate with Tom and Jackson being the most likely runners up because I felt that they had gone as far as they could with DeLuca’s character and there wasn’t much left for him to do on the show.

Add that to the fact that the actor who plays DeLuca said a bunch of stuff to the press last year where he spoiled some pretty major plot points and stated that he knew things about where the show was going when he hadn’t even read a single script for the season yet and I was pretty sure his days were numbered. That being said, the show had teased us a bunch of times about firing, killing, or writing off the character during seasons 15 and 16 and they never went through with it so a big part of me was skeptical that they ever would.

But it turns out I was right! His days were numbered and they wound up killing him off in the Mid-Season Premiere! I’m still in shock. It hasn’t really sunk in yet to be honest. This episode honestly made me wish we’d gotten to see the remaining episodes and finale of Season 16 as planned. Based on what we know it looks like the plan was for Richard, Bailey, Meredith, and Carina to stage an intervention, DeLuca was to go away and get treatment and return to the hospital only to die tragically in an explosion.

Season 17 would have opened with the characters finding out about that and mourning his death and I think it would have been interesting to see Meredith navigate that as in the Finale Hayes asked her out and she said yes. It seems likely that if the COVID-19 Pandemic had not hit when it did and shut down production and altered filming for this season we would have seen Meredith and Hayes go out for a drink and start dating.

Seeing Meredith navigate the loss of her ex-boyfriend who she was no longer close to while in the beginning stages of her relationship with Hayes would have been very interesting and I’m sorry we didn’t get to see that. I’m also sorry that due to safety restrictions Meredith and Hayes haven’t had much screen time this season, but it looks like that’s about to change as I’ll get into a bit later.

Back to the episode at hand. I never liked DeLuca as a character and I hated him with Meredith so I’m glad that they killed him off and that we never have to deal with that nonsense again. I’m glad that they caught the human trafficker Opal and took those people down. I was never super invested in that storyline so I’m glad they wrapped that up. I feel so bad for Carina though. She’s a great character and is wonderfully acted by Stefania Spampinato.

My heart broke for her in this episode because while I won’t miss her brother I know that she will and will be absolutely gutted when she finds out that he’s died especially after she worked so hard to get him help and treatment for his Bipolar Disorder. I’m glad she has Maya there to support her.

LOL at Bailey sleeping through the whole damn episode! What did I miss indeed! That poor woman slept through DeLuca getting stabbed, almost dying, not dying, having surgery twice, and then actually dying as well as the other shenanigans going on at the hospital. I loved that she was asleep at Meredith’s bedside especially after they spent a good chunk of Season 16 fighting.

I also feel really bad for Richard in that he’s obviously grateful that DeLuca helped save his life and wanted to help and when Owen turned him down because it wasn’t a good idea for him to scrub in Richard lurked in the background in the OR gallery the whole time to make sure that everything was okay. Plus he can’t talk to Meredith about it right now because she’s in a coma which must be so difficult for him. The extra stress also puts his sobriety at risk and that worries me.

I got to be honest I am struggling to understand Teddy’s point of view this season. She’s being really awful! She’s being cruel to Tom. She was cruel to Owen. I don't know what Teddy expected to have happen. Both Cristina and Amelia walked away from their marriages to Owen and moved on with their lives in large part because they realized Owen was in love with Teddy and always would be.

And then she finally gets what she’s wanted all these years and the minute she realizes Amelia’s baby might be Owen’s and not Link’s she runs back to Tom and has a several months long affair with him and then drops him like a hot potato as soon as she realizes that the baby is Link’s and after Owen finds out about the affair she refuses to talk to Tom for months and then comes crawling back to him and wants to be his friend after Owen makes it clear he wants nothing to do with her. WTF?

I feel bad for Tom. I really like his character. He’s super interesting and complex and he deserves better than someone who treats him like that. Tom is a good man at heart and he treated Teddy like gold and in return she’s done nothing but break his heart and stomp all over him when he’s already down. He deserves someone better. I’ve never been an Owen fan, but honestly Teddy is behaving so horribly I’m on his side on this one.

They had some great scenes in the OR together, but Teddy clearly read too much into it. Every time he gives her a crumb she’s convinced he’s forgiven her and wants to give her a second chance and that’s not it at all. Owen has been clear. He doesn’t forgive her and he doesn’t want to get back together with her. All he wants is to co-parent peacefully and work together as colleagues because he values her skills as a surgeon. That’s it.

It was cute to see Teddy Face Timing with Leo. I’m glad they are finding safe ways to incorporate the kids into the story. Speaking of which, the scene where Amelia and Maggie tell Zola that her Mom has been placed on a vent and she might not come off it was heartbreaking. That kid has grown into her own as an actress and really holds her own in that scene.

Her line about how she didn’t want them to tell Bailey or Ellis yet because they’re too young to understand broke me heart. Zola’s only a few years older than them but she’s old enough to understand the impact of what’s happening in a way that they can’t. And she remembers how hard it was when Derek died. When Cristina left. When Alex left. She doesn’t want to put her siblings though the same thing especially when Alex’s departure is still so fresh for them and they never got a chance to really know their Dad. The fact that Zola can recognize that at such a young age is raw and heart breaking.

We saw Winston and Maggie reconnect this episode which would have been super hot and enjoyable if Meredith hadn’t just been put on a ventilator! The scene where Jackson showed up looking for Maggie was too funny! I loved the scenes with Jackson, Link, and Winston in the backyard having beers! Winston has a great sense of humour and seems to be a calming presence. I like the idea of those three being friends.

Link’s face when he realized that Winston doesn’t know that Maggie and Jackson used to date and are also step-siblings. I’ll be interested to see Winston’s reaction when that comes out. I loved Link’s rant about how worried he was about Meredith and what her declining health and potential death was doing and would do to Amelia. Did anyone else catch that he called Amelia his wife? I’m calling it. They’re foreshadowing an Amelink wedding!

I liked hearing Jackson talk about how Meredith is family and they’re all worried and Winston’s comments about how all they can do is just keeping moving physically and metaphorically. I’m also loving Amelia and Maggie’s wardrobes this season. Their sweaters in this episode were gorgeous! Hats off to the wardrobe department! They’re looking good!

I loved seeing Jo and Hayes work together again because I love their friendship, but to be honest I was expecting more of the friendly teasing and banter of last season where she egged him on about Meredith and they traded barbs. Their scenes in this episode were a lot more intense and agitated. She totally played him with that line about Meredith.

He kept saying no to taking Luna to see her Mom and so Jo made it personal for him. If Meredith asked to see her kids Hayes would never say no and he would move heaven and earth for her. By making that connection Jo got him to agree to her plan. I also love that the reason he kept saying no in the beginning was because of what happened to Meredith.

She went from laughing and joking to being put on a vent and he doesn’t want to run the risk with any other patient and it’s obviously eating him up inside. He misses her. He cares about her and he’s clearly terrified about the possibility of her not waking up. That being said, Jo’s line where she compared Alex leaving her for Izzie because he found out he had kids he didn’t know he had and sending her a heartfelt letter to Hayes spending years watching his wife and the mother of his two boys die of cancer was way out of line. Super not okay. I really think that Jo is going to adopt that baby. I think that’s why they are setting up her interest in OBGYN.

In other news, Nico is still a terrible boyfriend to Levi. I honestly don’t know why Levi puts up with him. Levi really shone in this episode I think. He felt responsible for what happened, but instead of bungling things and making things worse like he might have done in the past he got out of his own way and asked Dr. Khan who was a vascular surgeon in Pakistan prior to immigrating to the U.S. to take his place.

I feel like this episode implies that the Beach is limbo now as I don’t know how else DeLuca could have ended up there as he wasn’t someone who was close to Meredith the way that Derek, George, Richard, and Bailey are. Not sure how I feel about that as I was kind of liking the is it a COVID dream is it the afterlife ambiguity.

Onto next week’s promo! I’m not excited that they appear to be setting up an episode in which the other characters mourn DeLuca’s passing as none of the other characters apart from Carina were really that close to him. They spent the last two seasons establishing that everyone hated his guts, considered him a nuisance, and only put up with him because they had to. So to me the other characters mourning him doesn’t feel authentic or real. It just feels forced.

There are several things I am excited about though. Seeing Maggie’s reaction to his death I think will be interesting. She was visibly upset and ran to his side when Alex beat him up in Season 13 and mourning the loss of your ex-boyfriend who you were no longer close to while being in a committed relationship with someone new I think is an interesting dynamic. She’s kinda standing in for Meredith here because she’s on a vent.

I’d like to see Catherine support Richard and make up for her horrible behaviour last season. And the best thing of all: Hayes!!! In the promo trailer we see Hayes sitting at Meredith’s bedside talking to her about how she needs to fight and how they all need her to fight. Bring it on! It’s about damn time! And Derek’s back and he’s … fishing? I’m excited to see what happens there and if they actually get to talk and have a real conversation this time. It has also been announced that Sarah Drew will be returning for a cameo as Dr. April Kepner this season so I’m excited for that!

Until next time!

[thatgirlwritingficsatnight]

Odi et Amo I

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior

Catullus, 85

After a few years of working in the USA for Disney and playing the role of The White Fox in Marvel Cinematic Universe you came back to your motherland - Korea only to be greeted with hatred and contempt. To make things harder for you the universe sends you the most irritating neighbour ™. Will you be able to find your happiness and  accomplish your dream of becoming loved actress in Korea without complying with standards of patriarchal society?

pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader

genre: actor au

warnings: angst, foul language (please don’t read it if you’re not old enough)

words: 5582

A/N: Hi this is my first fanfic ever, and so there are few things I have to say before you hopefully enjoy reading it. 1. English is not my first language so there may be some grammatical errors. I’m sorry, perhaps in the future there will be someone to proofread my works. 2. I’m terribly sorry for my interpunction :( for some reason they don’t teach it here  and so it may be terrible. I am reading about it more but it’s not easy for me as I haven’t practiced enough. I’m really sorry if it’s awkward. 3. This was supposed to be long oneshot, but I was told not all people enjoy long reads on tumblr like I do, so I decided to make a miniseries out of it. Let me know if you enjoyed it and if you want me to write some scenarios, or post more of my works (i have a lot of them in the depths of my drive lol). Love, thatgirlwritingficsatnight.

***

You sat in spacious sofa in your old apartment in Korea. A sigh leaving your lips as you looked through the headlines.

"The black sheep of Korean show biz comes back after four years in USA"

"Whose heart will she eat now? National heartbreaker came back to Korea"

"Go back to USA you wh*re! - internet went wild over L/N Y/N"

"L/N Y/N comes back in outrageous style"

Most of them were a summary or perhaps a reminder for k-netizens why they should hate you; it's because you dated who you wanted to and for how long you wanted to, it's because this one time in the talk show you told off male host when he kept asking about your private life and because the other time you told another one to stop giving you all the questions about clothes and make up while your male co-star got to answer some deep questions about character development and that's to name the few reasons that came instantly to your mind. Of course some articles had to focus on your airport fashion too. The conservative Korean society had a problem with your bra, or rather a lack of thereof under your designer t-shirt. You left out an irritated groan as you scrolled to the comments. They were vicious and vulgar, you don't know what else did you expect honestly. You tossed the phone and buried your face in your hands fighting the urge to tweet something about the nasty people and how they should keep their antediluvian opinions to themselves. You sighed again perhaps if you were in a different country you'd do that, but here with systematic misogyny, where women were supposed to always smile and nod their heads, here where they got paid 60% of men's pay... you'd most likely be crucified. Then again who if not you would come to your defense? You knew the answer — no one, that realization was enough to anger you even more. The blood was boiling inside you as you snatched your phone back and went into Twitter silently mouthing apologies to your manager who'd be blowing your phone in just a few minutes.

 "Yes, I don't wear bras. No, it's not a topic for your article nor your problem. I also know it may shock some people but my dating life is not a topic for your entertainment either."

"It baffles me how Korean society thinks its country is in the group of one of the most civilized ones but still treats women as if we were stuck in 50s."

  Your phone was already blowing with notifications, you could see some new articles already popping and soon after that it buzzed as your manager tried to reach you. You silenced your phone and left it on the coffee table while you moved to the kitchen. You got yourself a lamp of wine and watched always busy streets of Seoul from a window. It was already dark and it looked like rivers of light with cars and street lights constantly illuminating them. You were deep in your thoughts as you pondered if you made a good decision. You had a good life in California. You had your best friend there, a house with a pool and many good opportunities for roles you declined. In those four years you became an international star after your role as Marvel's White Fox — a gumiho superhero. You knew in a year or two Disney would ask you to come back to make more movies and most likely you would but you couldn't stay in the USA any longer. Somehow, even though it seemed illogical considering the warm welcome you've got, you still missed your home. You missed Korea the country that loved to hate you. You weren't exaggerating when you said they loved to hate you, for instance you always played villains in Korean films and dramas and the Korean audience loved it. They loved to hate your characters and so every time you tried to audition for a role that would be first or second lead you'd always be cast as the villain. The very first time you played a good character was when you portrayed the White Fox for Marvel, they chose you because you were half American (on your father's side) and because you used to play femme fatales and that was kinda the character. You accepted the role secretly hoping that it would change the way Korea has seen you. It didn't. They said you were too Westernised and that you weren't true Korean and had their own perfect casting with actresses that weren't as scandalous as you. Well, at least the rest of the world loved you. Nonetheless, you came back. You still weren't sure if it was a good idea or for how long, or even if you'd work here or just relax; you were just happy you could eat unhealthy convenience store food whenever you felt like and that kimchi was a standard and not something you'd only find in specific shops. Speaking of, you craved some ramyun with cheese and perhaps some yakult as well. You changed your clothes into a pair of black sweats and a black hoodie and chose to wear a black cap and face mask as well. You checked yourself in a huge mirror in the corridor. Your outfit screamed two things: first was "I am a crazy murderer from drama" and and second "look at me I'm a celebrity". You sighed. Honestly what else could you wear? You decided not to change and went out to the nearest convenience store.

You walked slowly taking your time to get to the store while listening to Def Soul hoping lazy beats would calm your nerves. You bopped your head to the rhythm as you entered the store and went straight into ramyun section. You picked your favourite spicy one and grabbed some cheese, yakult and cherry coke. The girl working there seemed really young and you caught her yawning. She apologized and you smiled warmly although she probably couldn't see it through the mask.

"Don't worry about it I'm tired today as well." you said, and she smiled. You paid with a card and regretted not withdrawing any money so that you could tip her. You remember when you were just a bit younger than her, working in similar way but back in the USA; she’d appreciate extra cash. You took the ramyun to prepare it and hummed as you waited for the noodles to get soft. Food always got you to feel better. You were spreading cheese on your noodles when middle-aged men entered the shop. Soon you'd believe it's not your night or perhaps that you got some bad karma, or that you were just cursed. The men came up to the cashier and asked for a pack of cigarettes. You were about to slurp the first noodles when he spoke.

"When will you finish your shift cutie maybe I can pick you up?" He chuckled and the girl tried to smile politely although anyone with eyes could see how uncomfortable she felt. She tried to decline his advances with a small scared voice clearly she was too young to feel comfortable enough to just curse him out.

"You sluts are always the same. You smile at me flirt with me and then act all fucking.."

"Aish!" you didn't let him finish. And he turned your way surprised someone else was in the store. "I lost all appetite," you dropped the chopsticks next to the bowl and moved your gaze at the male: disgust was rolling off from you in waves, and he flinched upon meeting your eyes, "then again who wouldn't if they had to eat in the presence of trash?" You watched as his face got all red and furious, it seemed almost twisted now. "How dare you speak like that to me, you bi..." once again he couldn't finish his sentence this time you silenced him with your swift actions. You closed the distance between the two of you and grabbed his hand firmly. Then you put it behind his back and twisted it painfully enough for him to groan.

"Call me a bitch, I dare you." you said quietly, but he didn't respond, he just jerked trying to escape your hold. He smelled like tobacco, digested alcohol and grease. You scrunched your nose and took him out of the store. You pushed him lightly, and yet he still lost balance and fell. He shot you a glare full of hate and fury while you tried to remain calm. Truth to be told you were scared, yes you jumped in to help the girl, and successfully silenced him, but that was most likely only because he wasn't sober. You were silently asking universe to help you out as you mustered your courage and played your part of "fearless Y/N”.

"Leave or I'll call the police and tell them you harassed both me and the girl." He stood up and spit under your legs before he left. You sighed, a tight knot unravelling itself finally in your belly, adrenaline that was brought up with the surge of fury disappearing now, leaving you bit wobbly. You made mental note to thank the director of The White Fox for making you take those material arts classes, they came in handy. You came back to the store, you didn’t pay attention to the girl that watched you in awe. You just wanted to enjoy your noodles. Finally, able to take the bite you let out disgusted groan they got too soft. Letting out resigned sigh you opened the yakult.

"Miss Y/N.." small voice started next to you. The girl was blushing and smiling. She was cute, had long brown hair and a mole just under her left eye. You smiled back and it seemed to encourage her. "Thank you. You are like the coolest unnie ever. I will always support you and fight anyone that calls you names and.." You chuckled at her eagerness and sudden flood of words. "Thanks kid. What's your name? "Kim Seoyun." "Nice to meet you Kim Seoyun. I'm L/N Y/N." you said with a smile, and she blushed even more. You looked through the window and bit the inside of your cheek. What if he comes back when you're gone, you couldn’t risk it. "Tell me Seoyun when do you end your shift?" She took out a phone from her pocket. "Oh, in ten minutes." "Great I'll wait for you and order you a taxi." "Ah, unnie you don't have to… you already helped me enough and.." "Nonsense", you cut her off "he may come back and I'll sleep better knowing you are safe at home."

She nodded and came back to work. Leaving you with your soggy and lukewarm noodles. You thought about throwing it out but you hated wasting food and so you made yourself eat at least a bit although now it was cold and awfully soft. Ten minutes passed rather quickly and soon you found yourself standing next to the taxi with Seoyun. You gestured her to get in, but she stood in front of you and suddenly bowed deeply while extending her hands in front of you. Much to your surprise she was giving you a popsicle.

"Y/N-unnie I know it's not much but I wanted to thank you..."

You grinned at her while taking the gift. You quickly unwrapped it and tried it, it was strawberry flavoured.

"Thank you. It's the best popsicle I've ever had." You said honestly. Seoyun blushed and entered the car but before the taxi took off she lowered the car window and screamed.

"Y/N-unnie from today I'm your biggest fan! Unnie fighting!" You laughed.

"Mmm. Thank you!" After that car took off and you happily walked back home. Earphones in, phone in your hand as you decided to order some food since the ramyun sadly haven't been quite satisfying. You slurped at the popsicle even though it was the time of year when nights got colder. The taste of strawberries melted on your tongue. It was the first time someone in Korea told you they were your fan, it was also the first time a Korean fan gave you a gift. Despite the chilly air, and cold ice against your lips you felt warmth spreading from your chest. Grinning to yourself, you scrolled through different restaurants still thinking of what should you eat and then you bumped into someone or rather someone bumped into you. Popsicle fell to the ground and so did your phone with earphones brutally torn out from your ears. The man who bumped into you was in a very similar attire as your own he even wore a mask and a cap. You frowned upon realizing the gift from your first Korean fan was melting next to you. You were however about to apologize before he spoke in irritated tone while collecting some boxes scattered around you two.

"Next time watch where you're going." The blood inside you boiled the third time this evening and you snapped back at him before he could add anything else.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going." your tone was so aggressive it was clear all of the frustrations from today's evening build up in you. You gathered your things quickly.

"Excuse me..." he said straightening as he glared at you. His tone was promising a fight or a lecture at least. You didn't feel like any of that so once again today you didn't let someone finish their sentence, a habit of yours as it seems.

"Apologies accepted, asshole." you said fiercely and left him standing there with his stupid boxes in a state of shock. You got into the elevator and decided not to pay anyone any more of your thoughts tonight. You smiled at wooden popsicle stick and quickly forgot about the man downstairs.

Jinyoung was still shocked but also amused by your witty comeback. He knew he reacted upon his emotions when he was rude to you. He was just angry that he had to move the second time in the last two months. Sasaengs somehow found out about his last apartment in which he lived for only two weeks and just started feeling at home. Few days ago they found him, and he was harassed once again. Tired and angry he acted without thinking when you bumped into him and his belongings scattered. He wanted to apologize right away but you growled back at him, and he got irritated, so he wanted to lecture you or at least tell you not to interrupt other people when they are speaking, but you did just that and in very smart matter at that as well. Now Jinyoung was riding an elevator trying to pinpoint your face, he was sure he had seen you somewhere already. He entered his flat and sighed as he realized he had to unpack once again. He decided it could wait till morning.

You were woken up by both pounding and drilling in the wall behind your head. With long groan you pulled a pillow over your head but it didn't help much. You checked the time on your phone. It was seven thirty in the morning and you couldn't fall asleep till three - courtesy of your jet lag. You tried to ignore it hoping that you were sleepy and tired enough to fall asleep, unfortunately to no avail.

"Who the hell does the renovation on Saturday morning?" you asked your own walls with furious tone. You left the bed deciding to speak with the person next door. You didn't even bother to change from your PJ or brush your teeth, or hair, or even to throw something over yourself. You left your apartment in your bunny pyjama set, a gift from your best friend. Soon you were pounding angrily at the door. It took quite some time before the drilling inside stopped and someone opened the door. The man who opened seized you up and down with his eyes and coughed in his fist diverting his gaze somewhere else.

"Can I help you?" he asked his voice was a bit distressed. "I sure hope you can. It's Saturday seven in the morning." you were fuming, and he finally looked at you although he kept his eyes stuck to your face. "Ah... thank you for informing me. Are you working as personal calendar and clock for all of your neighbours or am I on some special treatment?" he asked sarcastically and smirked which made you: first bewildered and second even more mad if that's possible. "Let me rephrase that for you: it's Saturday, early morning and you are drilling in a wall." "Well, technically it was Mr Ahn who was drilling, I was enjoying myself with a book." He clearly enjoyed teasing you, there was this gleam in his eyes. "Don't you think that's a bit too early for a renovation?" your voice was seething with venom although you tried to keep your cool. "Quite contrary. I checked with the building manager, and I am only supposed to keep quiet between ten p.m and seven a.m. as you can see I even waited thirty minutes." He smiled at you and in that second you hated him, his stupid brown hair, strangely symmetrical face, weirdly tight cardigan and the fact that you couldn't do much since he was in the right. You just turned on your heels ready to storm off back to your flat when he spoke again. "Ah, and might I add I just love your fashion sense." he raised one brow and his eyes once again travelled through your body. "Excuse me?"

"Apologies accepted." Your face went from frowned and angry to shocked in a second, and he laughed at your reaction before closing the doors and leaving you cursing yourself, your luck and your best friend who thought it would be cute to buy you pyjama set which contained of hoodie with ears and a bunny tail and some shorts.

You entered your apartment, deep red setted on your face from both anger and embarrassment. As soon as you closed the doors the drilling continued. You cursed under the breath and went to shower. You stood long under the stream letting the water wash away both dirt and emotions. Once you were clean and ready for the day you’ve decided to ditch your flat for now since it was too loud for you anyway. This time you went for less sporty look but still all black. It was a turtleneck, slacks, martens and a beret. Chic and comfortable. You did  your makeup and hair and went out for breakfast. The car was already waiting for you when you got downstairs. You pulled a black mask over your face and greeted the driver who didn't talk much and so you didn't have to worry about the small talk. You scrolled through your phone checking the messages you got from your manager — there was about twenty of them and somehow each was written with different emotion: rage, irritation, sadness, hopelessness and so on. You sighed knowing that you should probably apologize for the troubles you caused him. Then again what were you supposed to do, not react when half of this country is calling you names? You signed back in your Twitter only to be greeted by thousands of notifications. Most of which were trolls and haters commenting on your tweets with occasional death threats in your DMs. You tried your very best not to read each and every comment knowing that even though you were strong it still affected you. You were; however, positively surprised when you found some supporting voices. There was your best friend (obviously) who fiercely defended you and called out everyone on their bull, he even threatened legal action and you smiled brightly at his tweets, but there were also few Korean celebrities who took your side and defended you as well. Most importantly there were few normal people, fans perhaps, who applauded you and thanked for speaking out. You smiled when you saw user "Y/NUnnieFandomPresidentSeoyun" somewhere in your notifications. Somehow traffic was still bad even on weekend and it took you forty minutes to get to the café you had in mind. Once you got there however you didn't regret time spend on travel. It was café in quiet part of town, it wasn't very popular since it wasn't in Gangnam but because of that it was one of your favourites. No paparazzi, no dispatch, no other celebrities.

The place itself wasn't very big but it had huge windows and was located in front of the park so you could easily grab a coffee and go for a walk or just stay inside and watch people and kids spending their time at the park. The interior wasn't anything special either, it wasn't one of those Instagram worthy cafés. It had simple modern style. You came in and ordered coffee and some toasts and sat in front of the window. There were few people inside so you sat without your mask freely and wondered if your friend was already sleeping. It was around nine here so in Los Angeles it was probably midnight. You texted him asking if he's sleeping, and he just responded by facetiming you right away. His black hair was still wet from shower, and he wasn't wearing any shirt.

"Yah! Y/N-ah!" he scolded you immediately. "How dare you not text or call your best friend for over a day. Do you know how worried I was?" You rolled your eyes at him.

"It's not like you contacted me either. And put some clothes on Tuan."

"Never. I know you secretly love watching my chest."

"Gross. Anyway.. I haven't called because I was tired yesterday, you know jet lag and all of that, so don't get mad at me."

"How are you now?" His playfulness was replaced by concern and it was clear he wasn't really asking about the quality of your sleep which was in fact terrible thanks to your lovely neighbour.

"I'm fine." He gave you the look. "Really. Honestly I didn't expect anything better from what I got, so I'm fine Mark."

"I shouldn't have let you go. You know what? Those people don't deserve you. Come back to the USA and let's live together again I'll even cook. Or I can come to you I'll fight them and keep you company. I'm can easily stream from there.." You giggled at him and he grinned. "You know I'm serious though you can come back I already miss you anyway. God, I should have married you maybe you wouldn't leave me Y/N-ah..." he was whiny again and you laughed. It was an inside joke between you. Both yours and his parents would always tell you to just marry already but neither of you felt anything romantic towards the other one. You'd known each other since you were two and both of you had treated each other like siblings ever since.

"You should have and now it's too late. I'll find myself new victim and feast on their heart like a true gumiho I am." you said in theatrical manner while munching on your toast.

"Honestly who the fuck writes those articles?"

"I don't know but I'm pretty sure... Oh my god. You've got to be kidding me." you said and tried to lower your face down so that the person passing in front of the window you've been sitting by couldn't see you.

"What? What? Is that paparazzi? Your ex? Is that paparazzi rented by your ex?" You frowned at your friend.

"What? No? It's my asshole neighbour." "Never heard of him. Why are we hiding anyway? You can just tell him to back off. Last time I checked you were great at that." He showed you two thumbs up and smiled broadly. "I'm hiding because I'm embarrassed and I don't want to talk to him." "Why?" he laughed. "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything it was that stupid PJ you got me..." you whispered at him while trying to make yourself as small as possible. "Oh my god. One day in Korea and you already got yourself a one-night stand. This is not how I raised you. What would your mother say?" he teased you and giggled. "For the love of... it's not like that." you said angrily a bit too loud perhaps since the men in question who was just ordering by the counter turned around and looked you dead in the eyes. His neutral expression changing to surprised before it transformed to smirk. You cursed yourself and Mark and bowed your head slightly and awkwardly before you turned around to face your now laughing friend.

"You should see your face."

"Shut up. I hate you."

"You love me."

"What a surprise." Third voice spoke up by your side and you cringed a little before you put on your cold mask on.

"A surprise indeed." You said, your neighbour moved his eyes from your face to the screen of your phone carefully placed against the glass. Mark was still there, still half naked and smirking at you.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes."

"No." you and Mark said at the same time and you send him death glare regretting that you couldn't kick him right now. "I was about to go to sleep anyway. Love you."

He disappeared without waiting for your response. You let out soft sigh and reach out for phone.

"Do you mind if I join you?" The man was already sitting next to you. He was smiling at you and perhaps any other person would say it was a warm type of smile but you felt like he was mocking you. Constantly. You straightened up in your seat and eyed him closely. He was wearing the same tight cardigan, it was accentuating his broad frame and muscles hidden underneath soft, brown cashmere and simple but well fitted blue jeans. You had to admit he was handsome and had somehow angelic face which only made you cringe once you compared it to his personality or at least to what he showed you already. "I don't think that's a good idea." You said after a pause, his expression didn't change for a second, and he sipped on coffee that blushing waitress brought a few seconds ago. "How so?" His voice was sweet and melodic, it irritated you even more. "I am a celebrity, there might be an article about me having coffee with you tomorrow." You kept your tone intentionally bored as you played with the spoon. He laughed and you changed your mind his speaking voice couldn't be called melodic when his laughter sounded so beautifully.

"That's funny. I'm celebrity as well I think I'll survive." It wasn't surprising at all, he was too good-looking to not be an idol, a model or an actor perhaps. You held back another sigh. You could already see the headlines "Y/N attacks again will this man keep up with her appetite" or perhaps "One day in Korea, and she already dates — check out Y/N and her new boy toy". "Yeah I doubt it." you said but quickly added. "Weren't you supposed to renovate your apartment anyway?" "I left it to Mr Ahn it got too loud for me to read in peace."

"I can imagine." Sarcasm was basically dripping from your tongue which only seemed to amuse him even more. His eyes were now twinkling and you thought that he must be a devil in disguise. "I must say it's very lucky that I met you here. What are the odds, right?" "Ah I wouldn't call it lucky, that's for sure." You were currently planning how to escape from this conversation. "So how about we get to know each other a bit better?" He proposed with a warm smile. "I don't think so. I don't even know you." "Oh. That's harsh you do know me. I'm your neighbour and this is our third meeting." He placed a hand over his heart and frowned in pain and you wondered how can one still look handsome while frowning before he continued. "Besides I can fix that. I'm Park Jinyoung nice to meet you. See now we know each other." You fought and urge to roll your eyes and you summoned the most polite looking smile you had in your arsenal. Your phone rang before you could say anything and you've never been more happy to see your manager's face appearing on your screen.

"I'm sorry I have to take it." you said politely, and he just nodded. "Oh I wasn't expecting you to pick up." "Ah manager-nim don't be like that I haven't been picking up only for one day." "Why are you so polite are you with someone?" "Yes." You glared at Jinyoung, he was watching you with a smile with coffee in his hand. "Ok, I can call later." "No!" you almost screamed and cleared your throat trying to remain composure. "No, it's fine." "O-ok. Do you have time today? We should meet and talk I just got something that may interest you. It's really nice drama. I know you said you don't want to play in any of those romantic stories but hear me out this one is..." you'd roll your eyes if not for your neighbour's curious eyes. "Of course when and where will we meet?" You decided to cut off his rumbling. "Really? Before departure, you said you won't play in any stupid drama again." "Ah, I see. I did say that. We should meet today, text me the address then." Hanging up on him, you hoped he got the brains to follow up with text. He thankfully did and your phone barked. Jinyoung laughed again and you gave him confused look. "Did your phone just bark at you?" You blushed against yourself. Was it so weird to have a dog's bark as your message sound? "Ah... yes. I like dogs." You cringed on yourself. Somehow today in front of this man you were constantly losing your cool. He either irritated you or made you flustered enough to forget any eloquent comebacks or eloquence at all. "Anyway it was nice meeting you Jinyoung-ssi but I have to meet up with my manager."

"Oh you're leaving without even properly introducing yourself?" He cocked a brow on you and smirked. You stood up and looked at him coldly. "I'm sorry I don't feel the need." You were about to leave before he spoke again. "Ah… running already... startled... like a true bunny. Come to think of it... it does have a nice ring into it, doesn't it? Bunny. It suits you and you even have a costume already." His voice was so extremely mocking that you felt the irritation buzzing in you like electricity. Not to mention he spoke so loudly the waitress that was blushing at him before now listened carefully. You groaned internally. What if she writes about it somewhere. Media won't let you live especially that he is your neighbour they'd say he is already in love with you. And "bunny" was such a couple pet name. You were in the midst of your internal crisis before he decided to speak again.

"Have nice day bun.." You reacted before you thought, your hand slapped against his mouth before he could say anything more. His eyes got bigger, he was clearly shocked that you were so close to him, that you touched him and that you didn't really care about your language. You on the other had were fuming. You've met your fair share of fuckboys, assholes and idiots but not one of them that had similar status to yours acted with such insolence in public where other people could see you. Well, almost none, perhaps your ex was the only one. You kept your voice quiet, loud enough only for him to hear.

"Shut up. And watch your tongue before I pull it out because the universe be my witness I will and I'll do it with pleasure. My name is not kitten, bunny or any other pet name your buffoon head comes up with. It's Y/N. My name is bloody Y/N." You hissed out and his hand reach out to yours. It was hot from coffee and soft even though his grasp was firm. He took your hand of his mouth and smiled.

"Nice to meet you."

You took a step back and send him the look that must have looked like you were trying to shoot daggers at him.

"I'm sure it is. Now if you excuse me. I don't want to be late."

You rushed to counter to pay only to find out it was already taken care of by Jinyoung. You furrowed your brows and wanted to give him his money back instantly but your phone buzzed and it was your cue to leave. The driver was here.

To Mark 🐰 💙 : One day Tuan... you'll pay for this betrayal

From Mark 🐰 💙 : ILY 2 good night. P.S. He seemed hot 👀

You rolled your eyes how hot was he didn't matter if his sole personality drove you crazy only after three brief meetings. You sighed. This was not how you wanted to spend this day: enraged twice and on your way to see your manager.

Keep reading

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[wontlastimokwiththat]

You Broke Me First [C.H.]

Ask by @thebasicbitch-things

WARNINGS: Swearing; Mentions of cheating; Mentions of sex

‘Maybe you don’t like talking too much about yourself But you shoulda told me that you were thinkin’ ‘bout someone else’

You and Calum had broken up almost six months ago. Rephrase, you had caught Calum with another girl in the bed the two of you shared. You didn’t stick around to hear him out, like he’d begged you to do. No, you packed your stuff and went to Ashton’s, somewhere you’d always felt safe.

Ashton, as much as he loved Calum, was on your side through the whole thing. Ashton called Calum out, not just for cheating, but for breaking you into a million pieces.

You loved Calum. The two of you had dated for almost five years. You’d been through hell and high water together. But you couldn’t-no, you wouldn’t-forgive him for this.

It wasn’t like you didn’t see him in the six months you were separated, you did, but all of the boys made sure he stayed far away from you. They wouldn’t let him speak to you or even look at you in a way they didn’t like. All of them knew how bad you were hurting, how bad he’d hurt you, except Calum.

Calum was oblivious to the pain he’d caused. Sure, he knew he hurt you, but he didn’t know how bad.

‘When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it And like me, I did’

Calum seemed to be all that was on you mind lately and you didn’t understand why. You wanted to hate him, to get him out of your system, to move on and never look back at the heartbreak he’d caused.

But you couldn’t. You felt as though it wasn’t even an option. Calum had been such a big part of your life for so long. Even before you started dating, you were friends.

He always came to you with his problems, dating or not. He asked for your help and you helped him. No questions asked. He’d ask you how to get the attention of a girl he thought was pretty, how to fix a mistake he made with a girl, how to apologize to one of the guys because he did something stupid. You were always the one fixing his problems.

‘Took a while, was in denial when I first heard That you moved on quicker than I could've ever, you know that hurt’

About a month after you broke up, Calum and the girl you’d caught him with, Sarah, started going steady. That blew your mind. You knew he’d cheated, but you didn’t think he’d actually move on so quick.

Sarah started showing up at events and shows, glued to his side. Of course, you were there too. The others wouldn’t let you not be there, considering you’d grown up with Michael and Luke and had a unique bond with Ashton. If the band was there, you were there.

The fans didn’t like Sarah. Hell, you didn’t like her but you never told the fans why. Many of them reached out to you after the breakup went public to make sure you were alright, which you thought was sweet. You were honest with them, told them that you were heartbroken but that you’d be okay.

‘Swear for a while I would stare at my phone just to see your name But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say’

The first month after the breakup, you hoped Calum would call. You prayed to whatever god was watching that Calum would call and apologize for his mistake. That he’d tell you how much he regretted losing you.

It never happened. Not then anyways...

Six months of not talking to Calum and you’re still hurting. Tonight, Ashton went out with the boys. He’d invited you to go with them, but you politely declined and told him you wanted to watch a movie instead. He nodded in understanding, both of you knew Calum would be there. Or you thought...

You were in the middle of your fourth movie of the night when your phone started ringing a familiar ringtone, the one you had set aside for Calum and never changed. You picked your phone up from the spot beside you on the couch and saw his name and picture on the screen. Pausing the movie and taking a deep breath, you answered.

“Hello?” you asked.

“I fucked up,” he said through the phone.

“What’d you do this time?” you quizzed, sure he was talking about Sarah.

“I mean with you,” he told me. “I fucked up, Y/N.”

“Took you six months to realize you fucked up,” you laughed dryly.

“I broke up with Sarah. She wasn’t you,” he mumbled.

“No shit,” you hissed. “I’m not stupid enough to fuck someone in a relationship.”

‘Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had But I don't really care how bad it hurts’

“Y/N, I miss you. I miss us. I know I fucked up but it hurts not being with you. It hurts not waking up beside you, not kissing you goodnight.”

“I don’t care how bad you think you’re hurting, Calum. I promise you, it’s a thousand times worse on my side,” you growled.

‘When you broke me first You broke me first’

“Y/N, I’m broken without you,” he said and you could tell he was crying.

“Yeah, well, you broke me first, Calum.” You hung up and threw your phone across the room, not noticing Ashton walking in and almost hitting him with it.

“Damn, what’d I do to you?” he joked, picking up your phone and sitting beside you on the couch.

‘Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?’

“He had the nerve to call me and tell me he was hurting and broken. What the fuck is he thinking?” you asked, looking to Ashton, hoping he would know what was going on in his brother’s mind.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I know Sarah was cheating on him. Maybe that opened his eyes to how he made you feel,” Ashton shrugged as you rested against his side.

“Yeah, well, he’s gonna have to do more than saying he’s sorry,” you sighed.

“Yeah, he does,” Ashton agreed before playing the movie.

[cloudykaii]

In The Wrong Direction

pairing: jeon jeongguk x reader

summary:  Sorry I love angst😂can I request 14 16 112 with jungkook where yn is best friends w him then he starts ignoring her bc he gets a gf so he ignores her so she gets a bf to distract herself but he turns out to be abusive ? (If ur comfortable w abuse!) warnings: mentions of abuse (not descriptive but still), swearing, please be careful I tried to make it as unintense as possible but its still pretty degrading, the reader’s way of thinking is warped due to the way she’s been treated

14. “Can you shut up for once in your life?” / 16. “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?” / 112. “Stop it you’re bleeding.”

“You need to move on,” your friend had told you. “I know a guy I can set you up with, you just need to forget him.”

At the time it had been easy to listen to her, the idea of forgetting your best friend seemed so appealing. After all, it had become so exhausting, battling away the insecurities you felt about not being good enough every time he left you on delivered, or declined your calls, or lied to avoid seeing you. You had just wanted the heartbreak you felt at the idea of your best friend, the guy you’ve had feelings for for so very long, having a girlfriend that seemed to be replacing you to end. 

Now, you wished you hadn’t shoved down your urge to try your best to remain his friend so easily. The guy your friend had introduced you to, wasn’t who you thought he was. At first, he was practically perfect. He called you when you felt down, texted you randomly to keep the conversation going, opened doors for you, told you you were special. It only took about a month and a half, around three weeks after officially making you his girlfriend, for his true colors to show. 

Which led to where you are now, wincing in the mirror as you did your best to dab lightly to bend your makeup to cover your bruises. You weren’t stupid, you knew you should leave. You just didn’t know how. It wasn’t like you could just walk up to him and say, “I’m breaking up with you.” There was no telling what he would do. 

You were interrupted from your train of thought when a series of knocks sounded on the door. “Just a minute!” You double checked your reflection in the mirror before going to open the door. You almost fell back when you opened the door to reveal Jeongguk himself on the other side. “What are you doing here?”

Your voice came out softer than you wanted, but you weren’t even sure what to say to him as he stood on the other side of the threshold, his hands nervously stuffed into his pockets as he looked up at you with a look you couldn’t figure out. “Can I come in?”

Your mouth was still open in thinly veiled shock, but you still found yourself moving to the side  so he could come in. He strode past you, looking around like he hadn’t seen the inside of your apartment multiple times before. Granted, it did look different, even to you, ever since you were forced to take down all the you had of you and Guk. 

He visibly winced when he noticed. “I see you’ve changed your place up a little bit.” His eyes fell, and you saw the uncomfortable frown on his face. You followed his gaze to the framed picture of you and your boyfriend on the wall. “I forgot about him. I thought Jin hyung was joking when he told me about you getting a boyfriend. Guess I should have seen it coming, after all-”

“Jeongguk, what are you doing here?” Your voice was still quiet, almost timid even, as you cut him off. 

You watched him sigh and retreat back into himself. “I just missed my best friend. I needed you.”

You felt a tightness in your chest, like you were about to cry. “I needed you, too,” you whispered. “But you left.”

“Y/N, it wasn’t how you thought it was. I just got so tired of you not being able to return my feelings, and Jimin suggested that I needed a distraction, and then I met her, and she seemed like the perfect way to try to move on from you.”

He needed to move on from you? He thought you couldn’t return his feelings? This conversation was giving you so many plot twists that all you could do was stand there and stare at him as he continued, “And I’m sorry to dump all of this on you, but you’re my best friend. You’ve been there for me more than anyone I know. I’ve missed you so much, and if me liking you makes you uncomfortable in any way-”

“Can you shut up, for once in your life?” You interrupted him. What were you supposed to say though? You didn’t know, but despite everything you still managed to speak, the tears that had welled up in your eyes earlier finally spilling over.��“You have feelings for me?” 

You didn’t wait for his response. “It hurt so much to learn that you had a girlfriend, because I’ve liked you for so long, and just when I started thinking that the possibility of you liking me back wasn’t so unrealistic, she came in,” you scoffed. “And she was perfect. She was sweet, and even called me sometimes to talk. I couldn’t hate her, not just because she hadn’t done anything, but because she was literally perfect. And then I heard she cheated on you, but you had been avoiding me for so long, I didn’t know if it would be a good idea to pick up the phone or not.”

“And now you have a boyfriend,” he scoffed, turning so that his body fully faced yours.

You wiped at your eyes, unsure of how to tell him that you wished you could leave him. How were you supposed to say that no matter what, he would always have your heart? Apparently you didn’t need to, because suddenly straightened up, striding over to you. Halfway there, he asked you, “Are you hurt?”

You frowned. “No.”

“Then why are there bruises all over your face?” Your eyes widened. You had rushed to finish your makeup when he had knocked, the concealer must have been cried off. “I’m fine,” you tried to say as you turned away, but all you managed to get out was “I-” before you burst into sobs. 

He turned you face him with a gentle hand on your shoulder, before cupping your face to look closer. “Come on, you’re bleeding.” He tugged you to your bathroom, before pulling out your first aid kit. You shouldn’t have been surprised that he remembered where it was. 

He cleaned up the cut on your cheekbone softly, eyes focused. “It was him, wasn’t it? Don’t lie to me, the proof is in the hole in your living room wall that you obviously failed to cover up.”

You stared at your legs, trying to figure out what to say. “Yeah,” you finally decided. “It was him. He realized I have feelings for you, and didn’t really like that, because I was lucky he decided to love me.”

He threw away the wet tissue he had used to clean up the blood. “That’s ridiculous. Anyone would be lucky to love you. You’re the best person I know.”

You found yourself letting a scoff, and he shook his head, “I’m serious. I am so in love with you it makes my head spin, and I know you deserve everything beautiful. I just wish you still saw that, too.”

“I love you too,” You chewed your lower lip. “But I can’t do this, not with-”

“Your ex boyfriend? Oh, don’t look at me like that, did you honestly think I would let this relationship continue after learning what’s going on? Before I fell in love with you, I was your best friend.”

Honestly, no. You didn’t expect him to, you just weren’t sure what you were supposed to do now. “Should I.. pack a bag or something?” Your confusion was evident on your face as you struggle to understand what was running through Jeongguk’s head. 

He scoffed this time, “The lease to this apartment is in your name. You’re not leaving your own home. No, we wait for him to get back, I kick his ass, and you move on with your life in a happily ever after that doesn’t include anyone degrading you or your sense of self worth. You go back to being the most badass person I know, and the person I’m in love with, then we move on from there.”

There seemed like a lot could go wrong with that plan, but he was right, and you appreciated it. It would take some time, because even though you loved him like he loved you, you had some wounds within yourself to fix, but at least you weren’t alone. You had moved on, just in the wrong direction, but that was okay because now you had him to help you come back. 

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Things I Love About Carrie 2002

because this movie is so damn good!! it’s on American Netflix, so i highly suggest go watching it if you can, you won’t regret it

Carrie hair twirling

Sue’s sass

Not a part of the movie, but every time I watch a clip from YouTube and Sue is in it, people call her Rihanna 

Tommy throwing a book at the kid that was messing with Carrie

My girl Carrie isn’t even trying at baseball

Tina hits Carrie with her glove

During the period scene Carrie raises her hand and they’re covered in blood, and then she goes in for another scoop just to make sure

The shot of blood running into the other stalls was a neat way to grab the attention of the other girls without screaming

I also love how this Carrie panics in silence instead of running around screaming her head off. To me, it shows a greater layer of fear of the other girls, but also shows that she’s completely paralyzed with terror over what’s happening to her.

Carrie actually has a panic attack

Instead of getting things thrown at her, Carrie is cornered in a shower stall while the other girls bang on the walls and chant “period”, and I’m not sure which is worse

The shot of Carrie shaking in the shower is so sad

And then her curled up on the floor with her hands over her ears!!!! Poor girl!!!

Desjardin instantly going down and wrapping Carrie up in a towel, not caring if she’s naked

Desjardin tucking Carrie’s head under her chin and stroking her hair

I LOVE  how wet and resentful Carrie looks after getting dressed! Angela Bettis plays this character so well!!!!!

“The point is, up until a half hour ago, Carrie White thought her first period was Homeroom.”

Desjardin has to go over to the door and guide Carrie into the principal’s office

Carrie’s sweater being way too big for her

The way she smiles and nods at herself in the mirror after washing her face

The locker being filled with tampons 

“What are those, Carrie?”

Carrie just enduring all the torment, poor girl

Tina growls at Carrie when she walks by

Little Carrie has blue eyes instead of brown eyes like teenager Carrie?????

She has a lamb stuffed animal with a pink bow in its ear!!!!!

Estelle doesn’t even care that a child is ogling her breasts. She’s honestly really nice to Carrie.

Little Carrie’s crying!! Poor baby!!!!

Carrie doesn’t wear her cross necklace at school hell yeah

Carrie always looks like she’s about to cry in every shot I swear

I don’t think it ever shows how Margaret found out about Carrie getting her period. Because in the 1976 movie she got a phone call and in the 2013 movie she picked up Carrie from school and was probably told about it by the principal, so did 2002 Margaret just assume?? Did she sense it????

Carrie’s face when Margaret starts to talk about Eve

I love how defiant 2002 Carrie is- talking back to her mom and refusing her orders

“Shouldn’t religion be more like Dogs Playing Poker?”

Hell yeah Carrie reading magazines instead of praying!!!!!!

THE WAY DESJARDIN PUNISHES THE GIRLS IS PERFECT!!!!! THROWING TAMPONS AT THEM? AND THEN SLAMMING THEM AGAINST THE LOCKER?? HELL YEAH MISS D!! DRAG THEIR ASSES!!!!!

Carrie shyly walking up to the teacher and asking, “Can you show me how to do a search?” has my whole heart she’s literally so innocent 

“You think she’s ugly, don’t you?” *Tina snickers* “Well, you’re ugly.”

“Open your mouth one more time, and I’ll plug you up.”

“This is so far from over, it’s not even in the same area code as over!”

This movie literally has so many good lines

Madeline’s (the cop with the detective) expressions during all the interviews are so funny omg

Carrie’s seizure during her class really helps show 1) how weak her mental state is and 2) how nobody really cares about her because she’s shaking so badly and her eyes are rolled up into her skull, but nobody is doing anything to help her

Morton not caving when he speaks to Chris’s dad!!! Finally, another good teacher!!!!

In Carrie’s room, I can see stuffed animals that look like the sheep from the flashback, two bears, a baby doll, and something fuzzy I can’t discern but!! Carrie had toys still!!!

Carrie is so sweaty when she’s trying to move the brush. In fact she always looks really sweaty, which is something I like because in the book she was said to be really sweaty and gross.

“What’re you reading?” “Nothing. Just something about s--sewing.” 

Carrie starts to tear up when Tommy asks her to prom!!!!!

Her little “thank you”-- my heart!!!

Everything about the scene where Carrie tells her mom about the prom is perfect. The setting, the emotion, the acting- it’s all so good!!! Carrie is teary-eyed and about to cry, and then Margaret throws tea in her face and basically causes her to snap. And the way she sobs while saying, “Please sit down and talk with me” is heartbreaking!!!!!

The shot of Carrie gripping onto her chair, visibly shaking after she flips the table is chilling!!!!!!

Chris manipulating Carrie into thinking she’s her friend and Sue isn’t

Carrie looks at Chris’s boobs when she says they get sore when she’s bloated lmao

“She practically talked me into getting Botox last summer. Can you believe that?” “Maybe she thought you needed it” Ahhh I love Carrie’s lack of social skills

Carrie having absolutely no idea how lipstick works

Also I asked my mom, and I found out that you are NOT supposed to just try the lipstick on, so once again we have Carrie not knowing how anything works

Sue trying to help Carrie with makeup

The shock on Carrie’s face when Sue tries to put the lipstick on her

CARRIE USING A PAD TO WIPE OFF THE LIPSTICK OH MY GOD

“I think this one’s real pretty :)” “It’s Godless.” “>:(”

Carrie’s “this one’s prettier :)” is so cute

“They’re called breasts, Mama. All the girls have them. They’re very fashionable these days.”

The way Carrie’s hands shake them she tries to put on her makeup

The shot of Tommy outside and you can hear all the furniture crashing from inside

“So, did your ceiling just, like, collapse or something?” *glass shattering* “Yes. Yes, my ceiling just collapsed. Just now.”  “Woah. Can I see it?” “...No.”

Carrie’s look of shock when she sees the limo 

“You look really beautiful.” “So do you”

“If they decide to run away together, I’ll dance with you.” Oh, Carrie, you sweet girl. I love how she opens up a little to say that!

“Oh my god! Where did you get that dress?” “I made it.” “Shut up!” “You shut up!!” (seriously her lack of social skills is so cute)

I really like the lack of chemistry between Carrie and Tommy because I always found it weird how there was supposed to be romantic tension between a girl and a guy who is dating someone- it feels sorta weird and wrong.

Desjardin mentions James Bond and you can tell Carrie has no idea who the hell that is

“Preaching to the choir! No offense.”

Carrie’s little giggles as Desjardin talks to her

Desjardin legit threatens to expel Tommy if he doesn’t give Carrie a good time and I LOVE IT

“Stick to the slow songs. She’ll look stupid dancing to anything fast.”

“Tommy, we’re on here.” “Yeah, I saw that.” “Can we decline?” she has no right being this goddamn adorable

I like how it takes a moment for people to start clapping after Tommy and Carrie’s names are called

Desjardin’s slow, suspicious clapping

Carrie’s eyes are shiny 

And she doesn’t get up when Tommy does, so he has to pull her up and even then she’s really stiff

I love how a drop of blood falls on Carrie’s hand and she looks up and she knows what’s about to happen to her, which makes the blood dump even more sad because she realizes it

HER EYES WERE OPEN WHEN IT FELL

She starts to shake really badly and gasp, and I enjoy that little touch right before she goes on her rampage

Kenny calling Carrie a pig makes it hurt even more

Helen, her boyfriend, Desjardin, and Morton running up to go help Carrie was so sweet- I wish there was an alternate ending where they managed to get through to her and help take care of her instead of her killing everyone

I love how Carrie kinda goes into a state of shock during the massacre

Carrie desperately asking what happened when she’s in the bath, proving that she was in some sort of trance

Also I love how weak and squeaky her voice in

Carrie spits water directly into Sue’s face lol

Also I swear Sue picks Carrie up at the end of the scene where she saves her

Sue hiding Carrie is honestly so sweet

Also the shot of Carrie huddled up in the corner when Sue goes into the hiding spot

Carrie’s PTSD over what happened immediately being hinted at with her double nightmare at the end

[aion-rsa]

Shameless Season 11 Episode 9 Review: Survivors

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This Shameless review contains spoilers.

Shameless Season 11 Episode 9

“The only thing that’s permanent is impermanence. Change is the only constant…”

Change is not an easy thing. This entire farewell season of Shameless has functioned as an examination of change from many different angles, but the characters have reached a point where they have to stop running and confront these developments now that there are only three episodes left in the series. 

“Survivors” is a busy episode that puts every character outside of their comfort zone and in the middle of transformations of various severities. 

Kevin taking over parenting duties for an afternoon or Carl’s transfer to another police department are hardly as drastic as Vee’s mother moving from Chicago or the ultimate fate of the Gallagher home, but they all light a fire under everyone in the same way. The Gallaghers are a resilient family of lovable cockroaches, but “Survivors” pushes the message that if you don’t move with the changes then the changes will definitely move you.

The past few episodes of Shameless have largely been preoccupied with the sad decline of Terry Milkovich, which has also functioned as a strong counterpoint to the Gallaghers’ own situation with Frank’s health. Terry is now gone, but his spirit heavily lingers in “Survivors” and it drives forward some of the episode’s most rewarding material. Mickey casually echoed the sentiment, “family is family,” a few episodes back  and Terry’s death has prompted Mickey to truly stand by these words. It leads to some growth that surprises Mickey more than anyone and he’s constantly at odds with the confusing and raw feelings that bombard him all episode.

Mickey is typically one of Shameless’ broader characters and this season has thrown him into several caricature-like situations that take advantage of his no filter attitude. Sincerity is not typically the character’s strong suit, yet Mickey’s free floating grief over his dad is actually compelling, new territory for him. He and Ian involve themselves with an earnest and sweet story that does manage to humanize Terry in a way and almost act as an “origin story” for his despicable racism. 

Some of Noel Fisher’s best work from the entire series is in this episode as he wistfully reminisces over horrendous moments from his childhood. It becomes a little repetitive, but Ian’s deadpan reactions to Mickey’s “precious moments” all land and it’s a refreshing change of pace to have Ian act as this grounded foil. Mickey’s turn as the sympathetic one in this adventure is also the right approach. Mickey and Ian’s characterization was a little questionable at the start of this season, but it’s comforting to see these past few episodes really hit the sweet spot of their relationship.

Frank launches into an important chapter from his past just as Ian and Mickey get to learn more about Terry’s younger years. Frank’s plan is considerably more maudlin than Terry’s elegy over unrequited love. The idea that Lip is selling the house stays in Frank’s head long enough that he launches a scheme to get the necessary money to just purchase the house himself. Frank has been involved with lots of ridiculous shenanigans over the course of Shameless, but none have been as deluded as a plan to rob the Art Institute of Chicago. This would be a near impossible task for even an accomplished thief, so a severely impaired Frank doesn’t seem like he has the best odds of turning this scheme into a reality.

“Survivors” has some fun as Frank tries to get the (literally) old gang back together, but this wild pipe dream transforms into a morbid reality check for Frank. He’s surrounded with signs of decay and he’s unexpectedly forced to come to terms with how he’s also at the end of his rope. Frank gets caught up on if he’ll still have an effective wheelman for his art heist when he should appreciate that he somehow still has people in his corner that care about him. Frank’s family is infinitely more valuable than some treasure.

Some of the most interesting moments from this season of Shameless involve Frank’s frailty and how everyone treats him after they become aware of his diagnosis. It gives each of his interactions a little extra impact and pathos. “Survivors” chips away at the idea of Frank’s legacy in yet another interesting fashion, yet in the end it seems like he was somehow able to pull off this art heist entirely by himself?

Speaking of crime, Lip was fully at odds with Brad in the previous episode and ready to take things into seriously dark territory, but now they’re pulled together more tightly than ever before. Their volatile situation becomes even more combustible after they learn that their former employer has deep ties with the mafia because it seems like 90% of Chicago is corrupt according to this season of Shameless. The awkward Godfather-esque music cue that’s used when Lip and Brad meet the crime family also doesn’t improve upon the scenario in the way that the episode thinks that it does. It’s a very unusual way to seemingly resolve the heavy danger that’s followed Lip for a quarter of the season.

On the other side of the law, Carl’s reckless act of altruism with the vice squad reunites him with his former partner on the eviction squad. It’s nice to have Joshua Malina back in this nebbish role and it seemed strange to just have him pop in for a single episode before. His new zen attitude about destiny raises some superfluous questions for Carl, but the character doesn’t feel that different from before and this material fails to amount to much. Carl’s work for the police has made for rewarding character development, but his constant rotation throughout Chicago’s police departments is beginning to feel repetitive and aimless. 

Between Carl’s work on the eviction unit and the prospect of the Gallagher house going up for sale there’s a lot of focus on whether the lack of a home means the lack of a family. Vee finds herself in a situation that oddly parallels the Gallaghers’ current instability when her mom moves away from Chicago and tries to establish new roots in Louisville. Vee is mostly critical that her mother’s actions are impulsive and that they won’t last. She worries about losing a connection with her mother and it becomes another situation where everyone is so caught up on what they might lose that they lose stock of what they already have. Veronica’s maturity with her mother gets juxtaposed with Kevin’s complete regression and failure to parent for less than 24 hours. It does not go well and it’s slightly misguided that this parental disaster ends as a punchline and not a cautionary tale. 

Vee’s mom has a fancy new house in Louisville, but Liam is still left worrying if he’ll have any home at all if the Gallagher residence goes on the market. In perfect Liam fashion he attempts to resolve his paranoia over the future in a manner that’s more professional than every other Gallagher. There’s an inherent comedic nature during Liam’s attempts to get put into a foster home or become adopted so that he’ll have a place to live after his house gets sold. 

They’re exaggerated moments, but Liam’s concern is very real and it remains impressive to see how self-sufficient he’s become. He continually thinks rationally about the future while his siblings ward off the mob and pray that they don’t have any sexually-transmitted diseases. Honestly, put Liam in charge of the family and they’ll be thriving within six months.

All of the chaos in “Survivors” begins and ends because of Lip’s stubborn attitude over selling the house. Lip’s insistence to force his family to move just because his life is imploding is still super problematic, but thankfully everyone finally just talks to each other and gets their fears and doubts out in the open. The final moments of “Survivors” are genuinely nice and it’s long overdue that Lip actually communicates and listens to the people that he cares about. 

It’s really sweet that Lip promises Liam that he’ll be a part of his home and that the family’s sense of community isn’t going to change, even if their living arrangements do. However, this is also something that should have happened at the same time as Lip’s initial proposal to sell the house rather than the renegade sledgehammer that went through the wall. It’s led to a few episodes of unnecessary drama, but the Gallaghers are at least on a collective front now as the series heads into its final three episodes. 

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“Survivors” is a confident step forward for Shameless. It figures out how to balance the series’ more tender sensibilities with the wackier antics that were more prominent during the show’s earliest seasons. Characters operate as functional units and finally listen to each other before they’re left with fractured relationships that no longer feel like a family. There’s still a lot of growing up to do, but not that everyone’s on the same page and working towards a common goal it actually feels like Shameless might end in hugs rather than heartbreak.

The post Shameless Season 11 Episode 9 Review: Survivors appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3c7WTT3

[waitedforgarridebs]

Radio (1994): Merrison & Williams

The 3GAR adaptation that’ll shatter your heart into a million pieces

Clive Merrison and Michael Williams were the first pair of actors to play Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson who got to dramatise every single story of the entire canon – all four novels and 56 short stories.

In 1987, Bert Coules pitched a screenplay of HOUN to the BBC, which was greenlit and produced for radio with Roger Rees and Crawford Logan as the two lead actors. As this show ended up being a great success, Coules suggested to keep the series going, and the BBC agreed – however, they insisted on recasting. Eventually, the popularity of the show led to the decision to adapt literally every single canon story, and for the first time they actually managed to successfully achieve this feat over the course of the next 9 years. The Merrison-Williams-series ran on BBC Radio 4 from 1989 until 1998.

As Williams unfortunately died way too young in 2001, he could not continue his part as Dr Watson for the series of original stories written by Coules, “The Further Adventures of Sherlock Holmes”. This sequel still got commissioned during his lifetime, and while the production team set everything on hold to wait until Williams got better, sadly this never happened. He eventually was replaced by Andrew Sachs for the last 15 stories of this series.

While Coules remained as lead writer of the show, he was supported by various other writers for this quite massive project. The adaptations of the stories are in their core quite true to the books: The characters’ lines were updated to a more modern sounding language, and filler scenes were written to expand especially the shorter, less dense cases to the runtime of 45 minutes per episode.

For Coules and his team, the Holmes stories are not primarily detective stories. They are stories about a detective – and, more than that: They are stories about a detective and his only friend. Watson isn’t considered to be a bumbling sidekick, but an actual co-lead.

(And yes, I am basically quoting Coules himself from an interview done for the “I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere” podcast, so I do not know if Moftiss nicked that pitch from him or vice versa.)

In order to stay true to every story’s essence, the writers were “imaginatively faithful” to the original cases. They would, for example, sketch out the backstory and all the inciting incidents leading up to a client’s inquiry at 221b, and dramatise a bit of the story Doyle only mentioned in passing, but never actually wrote down. Or they would invent new scenes, sometimes even new endings, whenever they thought the original version wasn’t as effective as it could have been.

The reason I am putting all of this over the cut is to make you aware of the fact that the changes in the story were all done with a purpose – in this case, to amplify its emotional impact.

Because, without this background knowledge, their changes to 3GAR appear to be absolutely devastating. Cruel, even.

Can I just start by saying that I love Merrison’s Holmes and Williams’ Watson?

Their chemistry is incredible. They breathe so much life into these two characters! They banter, they laugh, they at times even mock a particularly annoying client when said client can’t hear them – and sometimes even when they can *coughs* Killer Evans – and I regret not having listened to their entire work as of yet. 

(But that’s a good resolution for the new year if there ever was one!)

And, one thing I can say for certain: This Holmes is 100% in love with his Watson.

It is the “desperately unspoken” dynamic of TPLoSH all over again, but maybe a little less repressed. Also, Watson – again – has his three-continent-reputation to defend. They are stupid idiot boys, they don’t fucking TALK to each other, and it’s driving me up the wall, but at least they do very much consider each other family, and that is a really great step into the right direction.

That being said, do not listen to this version of 3GAR if you don’t have the time to be emotionally compromised after finishing it.

This adaptation first aired on October 26, 1994.

As mentioned earlier, the writers – in this case David Ashton – did add a bit of backstory as well as some filler scenes to stretch the episode over the entire runtime: the introduction shows how Evans shot Prescott, featuring seemingly indifferent, almost John-Mulaney-esque barkeepers, who are so very chill about the entire murder-thing happening in front of their eyes. “Oh, what is it about Friday nights, ey?”

Ashton not only gives characters like Saunders lines, but writes whole scenes just for them, and even paces longer exposition bits quite nicely by, for example, having the American John Garrideb start the explanation about the search for the third Garrideb in Baker Street, and Nathan Garrideb finish it by excitedly rambling about his impending fortune at the exasperated Saunders.

Not only pleasant filler scenes like these were added, however.

You see, there is a running theme throughout this episode: At the beginning, Holmes is quite his usual self, and mocks the concept of love, human connection, and relationships. He and Watson see a young couple in the park, the bloke teasing the girl and playfully stealing ... her ... hat ... *muffled screaching noises* ... and Holmes compares the couple to pidgeons: “The male puffs out his chest and the female runs around in circles.” Watson, as ever, doesn’t seem too opposed to the idea of having a woman in his life, and Holmes simply ends up pointing out that the couple is having their date quite close to where the gallows used to be. Charming as ever.

Throughout the episode, Holmes is confronted with the idea of love and companionship again and again, in very different scenarios, and gradually warms up to it. Which, looking at where the episode is headed – Watson realising that there is a heart behind the cold mask – is actually a beautiful thing to do, and certainly does make sense.

However, one morning Watson has business of his own to attend to. And that’s where the heartbreak sets in: In an added scene, they show Watson ring-shopping. 

(Not for Holmes, obviously. He seems to have met someone and plans on getting engaged, again. Very rude.)

So, while Holmes keeps realising that being alone all the time is not good for him, that he actually wants someone in his life, the only person who could fill this void runs around with a little box hidden in his coat pocket.

But, it gets worse.

Remember when I teased in the post about the Hobbs-Shelley-adaptation (x) that there is yet another way to include Watson’s internal realisation after getting shot? As in, neither putting it as a summary at the beginning nor at the end of the episode?

I was talking about this one.

Merrison’s Holmes, in my opinion, has the most emotional reaction to Watson getting shot. He literally panics. 

(And the fact that there are a couple of seconds of complete and utter silence after he rushes to Watson’s side really does not help!)

HOLMES: Watson, you’re not hurt! For god’s sake, say you’re not hurt! WATSON, in pain: Ugh... oh... almost worth it.  HOLMES: ... what!? WATSON: The pain. To see that look on your face. A great heart... as well as a great mind. HOLMES: Nonsense... I was merely worried about the surgeon’s bills. WATSON, bellows out a single laugh. HOLMES, tenderly: Here. L-l-let me look. WATSON: Oh no, it’s nothing Holmes. I should know it. It’s just a scratch. EVANS, groans in the background. WATSON: Did you shoot the fellow? HOLMES: No. The second shot was his also. But I laid my revolver along the side of his head. Wild West, indeed. – Watson, you are certain? WATSON: It’s just a scratch, Holmes. Honestly.

Then, Holmes first turns into the Hulk and then towards Evans, and if I ever heard a man speak through gritted teeth, then this is it.

And that following exchange features, honestly, the best non-canonical line of dialogue in Holmesian history:

EVANS: Say, what did you hit me with? HOLMES, not missing a single beat: JUSTICE!

But... it gets worse.

Evans gets arrested, and we get to see Watson and Holmes in Baker Street after the incident, where Holmes dresses Watson’s wounds – or at least he tries to, until Watson insists on doing it on his own, because Holmes is rubbish at it. Holmes then starts pacing around in the living room like an expectant father, “But is there nothing I can do??”

Watson tells him that he’d very much like to smoke a cigar, which leads to Holmes rummaging in the pockets of Watson’s coat.

And you’ve guessed it: Of course he finds The Box.

Cue: awkward moment where Watson tells him, for the first time, about his plans to get re-married.

And Holmes starts sulking, because Watson is about to leave him alone. Again.

But, it gets worse!

Suddenly, Lestrade calls. Holmes at first thinks this is about a case mentioned in passing earlier in the episode, but it is actually news about Nathan Garrideb: As you know, he didn’t take it too well that he never found a third Garrideb in Birmingham, and Lestrade now informs Holmes that Nathan got sent to a mental asylum. 

And... Holmes and Watson visit him there!

They happen to meet Saunders in Nathan’s room, who sadly ponders about the fact that Nathan was always so lonely during his lifetime, and that this isn’t healthy, and that this certainly contributed to the fact that his mind now snapped. 

Nathan eventually has a moment of clarity and recognises Holmes. After gifting his collection of bees to Holmes (...), he hopefully asks if Holmes came to tell him that he found the third Garrideb after all. Holmes, of course, has to decline, but he promises Nathan to find the man, if he exists.

But how, Nathan then exclaims in despair, can Holmes not know this! Holmes must know! He must know everything!!

So, the episode where Watson realises that Holmes does, in fact, love him, ends with an emotionally crushed and forsaken Holmes pondering about his retirement and keeping bees.

And that, my friends, is the most heart-breaking adaptation of 3GAR I have ever listened to.

[hannahwaterman]

Documenting 2: Visual Research

Martin Parr 

Martin Parr is an English documentary photographer who is best known for his photography of the tradition of the Great British Holiday. He is probably my favourite photographer in the world, as I love how honestly and candidly he captures life. He has had around 40 solo photobooks published, and has featured in around 80 exhibitions worldwide. When asked about the art of documenting people through photography, and the ethics involved, he said the following: 

“I think that all photography involving people has an element of exploitation, and therefore I am no exception. However it would be a very sad world if photographers were not allowed to photograph in public places. I often think of what I photograph as a soap opera where I am waiting for the right cast to fall into place. In more recent years I have photographed much closer where bits of people and food become part of the big picture, and one advantage of this is that it means people are less recognisable.”

Tish Murtha

Tish Murtha was a Northern English documentary photographer who took black and white photos to create a record of youth unemployment, juvenile jazz bands, kids in Elswick in South Shields, and a series of photos of London by night. Her work is very striking and raw, the black and white photography really adds a sort of grit and solemness to her photographs. 

Francesco Faraci

Faraci is a Sicillian street photographer. I think his work is really beautiful and raw, and much like a contemporary version of Tish Murtha’s work. 

Jason Florio

Jason Florio is an English documentary photographer. This photoseries is called Destination Europe, and it shows the journey of refugees from Libya to Europe. He has done several documentation projects all around the world, and Destination Europe was one that won him a Magnum Photography Award in 2017. These photos are seriously effecting - they are beautiful and devastating, and tell a story brilliantly. This is documentary photography with a real purpose and meaning. These photos are heartbreaking.

Keir Edmonds 

“Berlin-based English urban sketching artist Keir Edmonds keeps a visual diary that illustrates his life as an expat in Germany’s capital. Believing that “you have to put in 10,000 hours to get really good at something,” the self-confessed “Englishman lost in Berlin” carries a sketchbook and pen everywhere he goes. From local architecture to summertime canals and graffiti-covered streets, his growing portfolio captures the undeniable charm of the city.

Edmonds started keeping sketchbook journals in 2015 with the goal to improve his skills in observational drawing.”

Sam Winston

Sam Winston is an artist based in London, who says his “practice is concerned with language not only as a carrier of messages but also as a visual form in and of itself”. He is known for his typography and his abstract illustration, having worked with some of the biggest art galleries in the world.

These images are from a project he undertook called 7 days - “a long durational studio work where the artist lived without sight for seven days and nights. Repeatedly transcribing five sentences the image created is without any visual reference.”

Sam says, “The idea of going ‘under’ or without images fascinated me. I had read of yogis spending years in complete darkness and psychologists running light deprivation studies but for me the question was - what landscapes are available to the artist when they are only given an internal view for seven days?

Biologically speaking the absence of daylight triggers large hormone imbalances in the pineal glad located in the centre of the brain. This gland normally releases melatonin which is the hormone that regulates sleep - and with this out of balance - you will quickly find yourself operating outside of conventional time.”

This method of abstract documentation is something I find very intriguing. As a designer, you have information input into you and it is your job to translate this meaningfully into the world. If we restrict our outputs and inputs, and put ourselves under strictor creative parameters, then as creatives we we surely find a way to make great work through the power of thinking ourelves out of those restrictions.

1. ‘A durational work where a pencil line records the length of every exhalation. The length of each line marks the length of time it takes to exhale. These marks were recorded over a 15 hour day without break. “The premise is deceptively simple - marking either an exhalation or inhalation with a pencil line - the length of the duration of a breath. Yet the cumulative effect of this action is a map that reveals a unique bridge between our unconscious and conscious functioning. It is also a refocusing of attention to our dependent relationship within the aerobic world.”

2. ‘An on going series of collages looking a various components of drawing. Each image contains one complete pencil.“This is the beginnings of a process looking at the materiality of the objects that inform artistic practice.  By literally exploding, dissolving and collaging broken down artists tools we reveal their history and legacy. Whether the pencil graphite is from mines in China or the New Mexican cotton farms that make rag made paper - each artwork is a testimony to a globalized economy and the unseen geography of the tools by which we make art. “‘

3. ‘Birth day is an project that charts the 183,600 lives that come into being on the planet over a period of 12 hours. The participants draw circles to remember loved ones and also register their names in writing. In this way the public are asked to connect their own personal narrative to the much broader theme of population growth and decline.“By the time you’ve read this sentence three people have been born into the world.From observing this process I have noticed that the moment a person draws a circle (and it has a name) the artwork stops being about statistics and becomes a wall of brothers, sisters, mothers etc - in this particular case representing 260,000 lives that are born and die in 12 hours.”’

The text of Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet was read and categorised into three emotional states – passion, rage & solace. Once theses these three categories of text were typeset & printed they became the material for three the hand cut collages. The final work is the combined print of the typeset category and the hand cut collage.

Nathalie Miebach

Boston-based conceptual artist Nathalie Miebach weaves colorful, complex sculptures using rope, wood, paper, fibers, and data from weather events. Two of the artist’s recent series explore the impact of storm waters on our lives and on marine ecosystems, with variables like wind and temperature (and the harmony of the composition) often informing the rainbow of colors used to translate the data into a three-dimensional structure.

Priscilla Coleman

Priscilla Coleman is a courtroom illustrator. This is a dying art and in the UK there are only four official courtroom illustrators left. “It’s as if you’re memorising for a test,” she tells It’s Nice That. “You forget the details so you have to write something that will trigger your memory. Once I had to draw a line of airline hijackers, and they all had black hair but different hairstyles. One had long sideburns so I wrote Elvis, one was skinny so I wrote ‘skeleton man’, for others I wrote ‘potato nose’ or ‘fried hair’ or for another, I wrote the name of an ex-boyfriend he reminded me of! People’s faces are fascinating.”

Scott Elmquist

This man is a very inspiring documentary photographer. The last image above is an extremely powerful photograph to me. It shows black youth playing basketball under the defaced statue of a coloniser. Amazing. Above that is part of his Americana documentary photography series, capturing rural midwestern America and it’s communities. 

[fleurbastien]

✧･ﾟ(   persephone + jordan fisher + demiguy   ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !!  have you seen Bastien Lalande around ? they/he have/has been in kaos for fourteen months. the twenty-six year old is a botanist from martinique. people say they can be detached but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be amicable. whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of ((   a sunlit greenhouse, sand underfoot on a temperate beach, a streak of dirt smudged across the cheek    )).  ･ﾟ✧ 

Bio

Bastien Lalande was born and raised on the island of Martinique to Danielle and Henri Lalande. Their plan was to have a flock of children. Family was what they prized most in this world. They could imagine no happier future than peering out the window of their sizable family home and see kinds running through the grass, kicking back and forth a football. Their plans were abruptly thwarted. Between their first and third years of life, Bastien was too young to understand or remember the complications that Danielle experienced with having another child. How close she came to passing away after the third surgery. It was this near-death experience which prompted the couple to mutually agree on focusing raising Bastien, and to spare Danielle anymore physical and emotional pain. Despite their agreement, a fragment of Henri and Danielle died; their dreams shattered as though a rock had been thrown squarely into a mirror. Because of this, a seed was planted deep within their minds that, just maybe, if they hadn’t had Bastien, they would still have some semblance of future aspiration.

Life on Martinique was personal. Communal. Familial. Everyone said hello to one another as they passed. Honking was a sign of neighborly greeting, not irritation at the traffic. You can imagine that, growing up in this culture, Bastien became quite the socialite. They were charming, active, knowledgeable, and sportive. People loved seeing him skipping down the road on his way to school, and cheered him on as captain of the Yole Sailing team. He was the picture of stability, as his parents’ world was on the decline. Running a cafe was difficult with a staff of three, and even harder when you had to run operations at the age of thirteen. There were days when he was in charge of opening and closing procedures, and some days more during which he would have to miss school in order to help out at the shop. Bastien was growing to resent the positions into which he was thrust. He was convinced that he should be out enjoying his life, not toiling under responsibilities which should not be his own. A heavy weight began to oppress his shoulders. His personality began to dampen, despite his best efforts. What was worse, he didn’t let on to the community that he was struggling. He felt that, for the sake of dignity (or some other noble reason), he had to keep private the fact that his parents were no longer fit to care for him.

After several years, a poetic path appeared. A divergence of destiny. Bastien could travel halfway across the world and attend the University of Hawaii at Manoa, or they could continue looking after their parents, who severely needed their help. The decision sent the youngling into a depressive state. He knew his dreams lay at the other side of that graduation stage in Hawaii, but he also knew that there was no real choice; he had to stay for his parents, despite their contentious relationship. Danielle was fatigued more often than not, and if Bastien couldn’t anticipate her needs, she would find it in her energy to berate him (putting it kindly). At that point, Henri had enough of a reason to despise Bastien. Not only did his son take away three more children from him, but contributed to the heartbreak and physical condition of his beloved as well. It was at this important crossroads that Bastien’s behavior altered radically, deviating from his usual sunny disposition. As it happened, nothing went unnoticed by his extended family for long. By and by, upon discovering his dilemma, they practically made the decision for him. They would take care of his parents and send him off to college.

Sparing unnecessary details of Bastien’s college life, he obtained an undergraduate degree in biology, and went on to get his Master’s degree in Botany from the very same school. His intelligence and charisma had his professor’s hooked, and it was easy for him to be admitted to the PhD program there. His advising professor won a grant from the NSF and was further funded by the university to conduct a field school on the island of Kaos in Greece. Before applications even opened, the professor had made his decision, for the only name that jumped into his mind for a field assistant was none other than Bastien Lalande.

The two, along with four undergraduates, have been on the island for just over a year, doing extensive research on Mediterranean vegetation. Bastien is using this opportunity to develop his doctoral research, simultaneously writing his dissertation. Weekdays, Bastien can be found in the field and in the lab, running soil samples, or peering into microscopes. On the weekends, he clacks away at his keyboard, synthesizing as much information as possible. When he finds free-time, or needs to clear his head, he loves swimming, or sailing if he can find a boat.

Running into Bastien, one would encounter a shining smile, a charming accent, and hospitality that would make you feel as though you knew him for an eternity. He might invite you on a hike, or show you a greenhouse. It is rare to catch him without a flower tucked behind the ear. However, if one truly tried to dig deeper beneath the surface than the charisma that he emanates, they might find that there isn’t much they actual know about Bastien, as if all information on his deep, honest thoughts have been entombed far beneath the ground.

Although they miss the Caribbean islands, they feel something deep in the pit of their stomach which anchors them to Kaos. A lifetime’s worth of knowledge sits at their feet in Greece. It would take all of their willpower to turn away from it.

Headcanons

very much “gerry durrell” from the durrels in corfu vibes

if you havent seen it i recommend

but instead of being obsessed with animals hes obsessed with plants

very smiley, outgoing, charismatic, loves chatting with strangers as long as the questions dont get too personal

A-1 athlete, can swim until the cows come home

flower aesthetics galore. he likes to draw flowers, wear flowers (prints and real flowers, ofc), and grow flowers in his window sills and from hanging pots

are u french ? he will speak french to u if so

underneath, hes a lil moody. his parents began to blame him for his mother’s health complications. they wanted a family so badly that they kinda alienated their only child

he loves loves loves martinique but dreads going back to that life that was hard, tortuous even

writes to his family to make sure everyone is okay, but doesnt talk to anyone on kaos about it

kinda wonders if he should blame himself for complications ?

can be found lying in the dirt contemplating his woes. or singing. or singing because of his woes.

you honestly cant be a fan of botany without developing a relationship with bugs. in this case, bastien l o v e s them. even the scary ones

Insp

click the link !

Playlist

orange trees  -  marina 

le monarque des indes  -  pierre lapointe

be my baby  -  the ronettes

harvest moon  -  neil young

sweet creature  -  harry styles 

at last  -  etta james

buttercup  -  hippo campus

semaphore  -  requin chagrin

home again  -  first aid kit

motivation  -  normani

dream a little dream of me  -  doris day

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Begin Again (Mortician!Steve and Baker!Bucky Modern “Moving On” AU)

Four:

"Real sorry about this, Stevie," Great Aunt Ruth said, giving Steve a tight hug.

"You're a good man," Pop Pop reassured, "You'll find a fella good enough for you eventually."

"Never liked Brock," Second Cousin Ina stated as she finished off her Long Island Ice Tea. Probably not her first one of the night either.

Not being able to take any more, "support," for the time-being, Steve ducked into the kitchen. Leaning against the closed door, he let out a shaky breath and ran his hand through his golden hair. Steve thought it was bad when it was just Natasha trying to be helpful. He quickly realized that it was ten times worse when it was his entire side of the guest list doing so. The other half -- Brock's half -- not even showing up.

So much for the, "choose a seat, not a side," sign, Steve bitterly thought while running his hand over his typically clean-shaven face.

"Hey, man," a male voice cracked as it approached Steve. Nervously, he told Steve, "I don't think you're supposed to be back here. Like, I don't think it's allow--"

"Pete," Anthony called.

Removing his hand from his face, Steve watched as the younger guy -- a kid, really -- hurried over to the godsend wedding planner. Quietly, Anthony must have explained things to the waiter because soon enough, Pete was looking at him with the same remorse that everyone else had been giving him. Which was just fan-fucking-tastic.

Rubbing his hand over his face again, Steve tried to not cry. Again. He had been doing far too much crying today. And not the good kind. The rip-my-heart-out-it'll-hurt-less kind. Which was the kind that Steve tried to avoid as much as possible.

"Cake?" Someone asked.

Brows furrowing, Steve removed his hand and looked up at the man. Despite his heartbreak, he could see that the brunet standing in front of him was attractive. A casual observation that Steve probably would've noticed whether today had gone as planned or…

"What?" Steve questioned trying to piece this moment together as much as his fatigued and saddened mind could do.

The guy gave him a small smile and repeated, "Cake?" When Steve still just stood there staring at him, he continued talking, "It's really the only way I know how to comfort someone. To feed them. Usually sweets. Sometimes bread. I blame genes for it. Passed down from bubbe to bubbe until finally making its way to… me."

Not sure what to make of the ramblings, Steve just stood there. Still confused, brow still heavily furrowed as he just blinked at the man.

"I'm Bucky, by the way," he introduced, clearing his throat as he gestured over to the three tier wedding cake. Vanilla bean, blueberry, and lemon with light vanilla bean buttercream icing and the option to add fresh strawberries and blueberries. Just like Steve had ordered. "I made the cake."

Noting that the grooms cake topper was removed from the top, Steve nodded, introducing himself, "Steve."

Bucky winced at that, as though he knew what had happened. Which, he probably did. Anthony, after all, had made sure that nothing that featured Brock at all was used. Made sure to inform the staff so they wouldn't congratulate Steve on something that didn't happen.

Silently, Steve quirked a brow at Bucky, challenging him. Schooling his expression, Bucky asked, "So, cake…? Or any kind of food?"

As if on cue, Steve's stomach let out a vicious grumble. He had been waiting to eat for a bit. Too excited before. Too sad after. Now his stomach decided to speak up, earning him a pleased smile from the baker.

"So," Bucky started as he headed for the furthest counter where the cake sat, "Do you want to cut into the cake now, or wait until everyone is finished with their meal?"

Glancing down, Steve looked over the menu. The very menu that he had worked so tediously with Anthony and the caterer, Pepper Potts, until it was perfect.

Looking it over now, Steve wasn't sure what he would want to eat. He had mainly chosen items for Brock. To make Brock happy.

So, Steve decided, "What the fuck. Let's go for the cake."

"Atta boy," Bucky encouraged as he grabbed the engraved knife. Holding it out for Steve, he asked, "You wanna do it?"

Steve shook his head and declined, "You're the professional."

Bucky smiled again and nodded as he turned his attention to the cake. Over his broad shoulder, he questioned, "Got a preference?"

About to say, "Vanilla," Steve paused, hearing Brock's taunting, just like our sex life. Blushing at himself while thinking, no wonder Brock didn't want to marry you, Steve quietly answered, "Lemon."

"Excellent choice," Bucky reassured, cutting into the top layer of cake. Cutting a rather large piece, Bucky rambled, "All the flavors are good, but lemon is definitely my favorite. Especially when it's paired with a tart lemon buttercream. My sister -- my twin -- she teases me all the time. Goes old school with the teasing too. Saying that I should mar--"

Abruptly, Bucky stopped talking and tensed as he plated the piece. Handing it over to Steve, Steve finished the school-yard teasing, "If you love it so much, you should marry it."

"Yeah," Bucky nodded, blushing now. Looking up from beneath his lashes, Bucky apologized, "Sorry about…"

Not wanting to hear another apology for the rest of the year, Steve waved it off as he assured, "It's alright. Not your fault."

"Not yours either," Bucky softly confirmed.

For a moment, the pair just stood there. Bucky looking over Steve and Steve dropping his gaze to the floor. Face burning under the brunet's eyes as he evaluated Steve. Especially when Bucky casually crossed his arms along his chest and leaned against the counter.

Shifting uncomfortably, Steve leaned against the opposite counter from Bucky's, and tried to focus on the cake. It was lightly frosted per Steve's request. He wasn't even sure just how many Naked Cakes he had pinned on Pinterest in his pre-wedding planning days. Meanwhile, his hands started shaking from holding the small black square plate. They were the ones that Steve had chosen for Brock. They weren't, "overly-feminine," and weren't, "too artistic." That was why Steve had chosen them. Not because he liked them, but because he thought that --

"You're thinking too much," Bucky broke through Steve's thoughts.

Snapping his attention up, Steve noticed how Bucky was waiting for something. But his brain could only cycle through the past year like a load of white laundry with a red sock forgotten inside. Running over and over of what he could've done differently to make Brock stay.

"Can you just… try it?" Bucky asked, looking at the piece of cake. Fidgeting, Bucky tugged at the ill-fitting maroon chef jacket. It was obvious that it wasn't his. Steve was sure that even if he hadn't spotted the Hotel's logo on it, he would've known that it wasn't Bucky's. Looking as though he wanted to run his hand through his short hair -- but fighting it -- Bucky explained, "I never fully feel done with a cake until I know that the customer is satisfied with the end product."

So, Steve used the fork engraved with the date and cut a tiny portion off the slice. Mouth watering as he looked over the piece and popped it into his mouth. Through the sadness that was tainting the taste, Steve was positive, the sweet and tart tangoed into his taste buds. Closing his eyes at the pure bliss that the delightfully fluffy cake brought along with a nostalgia that Steve had never witnessed, Steve eagerly cut off another piece of the slice.

"So," Bucky started, causing Steve to open his eyes and direct his attention to the brunet. Bucky couldn't fight the grin that spread across his face like the sun breaking through clouds as he hoped, "Ya like it?"

"Yeah," Steve honestly answered. As a smile tugged at his own lips, Steve was pleasantly surprised to that he could, in fact, still smile despite his broken heart.

[fightsbck]

*  A DISCUSSION  :  GENDRY’S ALLEGIANCE TO THE KING OF THE NORTH.

content:    mostly just a whole thought process,   call it a review if you must,   of gendry in season seven.   mentions of his dislike towards highborn including his father and the baratheons,  but mostly the reasoning behind his motivation in spite of that to serve and follow jon snow’s lead according to my interpretation.   fair warning that even though i’ll be making references towards the book!gendry,   i have not read it,  and my portrayal leans more to his appearance in the series.

warning:   none so far.   maybe a huge bias towards highborns in general?

i.    gendry doesn’t like highborns        and probably never will.

i’m not gonna lie:   i’m a little miffed that gendry is portrayed to immediately taken a liking to his father’s house’s name.    to be honest,   his general dislike and eye-rolling at highborns   (   as portrayed both in the books and hinted in the tv series  )  -  no matter how much he has to,  and has,  in the end,  bowed his head to them in order to “show respect”   -   was what made it entirely too funny,   and very interesting,   to me considering his parent’s origin.   but,   as much as it’s ironic for gendry to spit at the highborns unknowingly having the blood of his father in his veins,   he has his reasons.   and they’re good reasons,  too.

and,   despite his great friendship and high praise of arya   (    and he does,   but i won’t focus on this for now   ),   you can obviously see this during his small speech after he declines arya’s invitation to go back to winterfell.   “i’ve served men my entire life,”   he’d said,   “i served master mott at king’s landing and he sold me to the watch.  i served lord tywin at harenhaal wondering every day if i’d get tortured or killed. i’m done serving.”   when arya further argued with him and started to walk away,  he said my next favourite line  -   and one i’ll bring back further into this discussion because it’s a good line that,  while not much,   tells a lot about gendry:  “i’ve never had a family.”

arya turned, tears in her eyes,  and uttered the one most heartbreaking thing i’ve ever heard,   “i can be your family.”   gendry smiled at this,  but it’s sad.  it’s just as equally heartbreaking when he muttered back,   “you wouldn’t be my family.  you’d be m’lady.”    so gendry is aware,   painfully so,   that he’s not an equal.   on the journey,   under the disguse of arya being “arry”,   it’s easy to forget  —  even when he teases  —  that arya was a highborn.   he’d seen and known her first as a girl-pretending-to-be-a-boy:  scrappy,  impulsive, with dirt on her face,   so gendry is terrified.  what appeals so much for him in the brotherhood was that,   finally,   he didn’t have to serve anybody;   he had a chance to be an equal just as much as the next man standing besides him.   of not being looked down upon just because of a social status he couldn’t help.

again,  i won’t dwell on the significance of arya  (  though a lot of his motivation in the end do merge with his fealty upon the girl he’s lost and assumes had died  )  because the point was:   gendry is troubled of his lowborn status.   he hates it.  he doesn’t blame his mom or himself for it,   because he knows nobody asks to become who they are when they’re born,   but he hates the constraint and the suffocation behind the title,  or  -  should i say  -   the lack of one.   he’s been treated badly because of it:    most likely suffering from harsh treatments,   mocked,   and had to face the toll of being poor all the while,  as he grows up.   later,  he was sold off and traded like he’s nothing,  like he’s a slave,  then he’s prodded and jailed to be a sacrificial lamb.  and all because he has no power to fight back:   no lands nor no titles  to make it stop.

he’s also seen and met some of the highborn lords.   he even saw his father when he was a child according to the book.   none of them impressed him.   and none of them,   i think,   ever fully will.   i won’t go in full details,   but even knowing afterwards that he’s a bastard of the last king,   he probably isn’t fond of the baratheons.   which is funny and endearing all at the same time,   since he inherits a lot of their famous traits  (  being stubborn and hot-headed,  known famously for their strength and raw power  ),   but think about it:   he called the king an old,  fat sod even before knowing the king was his father  (  suggesting he’s unbiased when he expresses this thought  )  ,   and he would’ve known about how two of the baratheons left are fighting each other for the throne in the war of the five kings.   he probably thought his uncles were stupid.   later,  he met stannis,  who nearly damned murdered him to further his cause  -  yeah,  didn’t help with the whole “loving my house” thing.

which was i was originally miffed.   sure,  those were harsh years on his own after he escaped stannis’ clutches,   but what could possibly massively change for him that he’s suddenly so proud to not only quickly announce that he’s robert baratheon’s son upon meeting jon snow,   but to also bear his house’s sigil on his warhammer?   his house has done nothing for him,   and associating himself so easily with high lords have never lead to good things before.   gendry is also a prideful creature.   even in the series,   he’s stubbornly shown that he doesn’t forget the faults people have done towards him e.g. the lannisters’ massacre of robert’s bastards, the brotherhood selling him off,   the red woman violating and wanting to kill him;  just as much as he doesn’t forget people’s kindness e.g. ser davos saving him twice.   so why is he suddenly so easy going,   you know   ?   on the other hand though,   it’s also not completely out-of-character.   and here’s why:

ii.   gendry’s willingness to serve jon;       his need for family,  a place to belong,       and a true cause to fight.

to wrap things quickly:   gendry is and always will be guilty for leaving arya behind.   of course,   in the tv series,   he was taken.   but the night before,  that night in the cave,   he announces his departure  —   he rejects arya’s offer to serve her brother and essentially tells her that he won’t follow her anymore.   he doesn’t need a reminder that they can’t be friends on equal footing,   so he’s putting a stop to it.   then,   the red woman took him   -    violated him    -   and puts him in a prison so he can await his slaughter.    when he escaped and returned to king’s landing,   or   -   as i’ve interpreted,   whatever land he found before he marches himself back to king’s landing on foot   -     he’d heard about the red wedding.   and,  if that didn’t convince him,   he’d probably thought years of never hearing news of arya means she’s dead.

she’s dead,   and it’s all because he wasn’t there to be with her,   to protect her like she had him;   like they’ve been doing the entire time they were on the lam.    i can be your family,   arya said,   and it’s only months  -  years  -  later that he realises they already were.    but he’d done her wrong,   and now she won’t come back.    this also didn’t help because arya,   in theory,  isn’t the first stark he rejects.   maybe it wasn’t an offer before,   but ned stark came and told master mott that he’ll take gendry if gendry ever decides smithing wasn’t for him   (  his exact words:  “if he’d rather wield a sword than forge one,   you send him to me.”  ) and gendry heard it.   he doesn’t think too much about it   -   he doesn’t want to   -   but that was the first stark he pushed away.    eventually,  i can see,   his hatred for the lannister,   and the thing he’s seen they’ve done,   and the things he couldn’t stop because he was too damn young and immature and afraid,   probably fuels his hunger to the eagerness we see in season seven.

gendry isn’t much for patience,   but he waits.   and he waits stubbornly,  faces all of the soldiers that come by the shop and forges and mend their armoury and weapons for them,  all the while building his own strength and resolution.   if there’s an opportunity to fight again,    he probably thought,   to fight against the lannister and to bring them down,   he’s going to take it.    and he even crafts a warhammer with a sigil of a house that’s done nothing for him,   probably out of spite at any lannister soldiers that come in to stare at his weapon,   to prove it.

speaking of houses,   i honestly don’t think gendry is that much proud of it.   but  -   for the first few times in his life,   taking the name baratheon gives him a sense of belonging.   it’s a house without members anymore,  sure;   his birth father was gone,   the other bastards in king’s landing are likely murdered,   his uncles were killed and the successor under them followed,   but   ...   it’s his.   in a way.    he’s rejected arya’s offer for a family before,   and it got her killed.   i don’t think gendry is ready to reject a second offer to belong in a family even if he’s grasping at ghosts,   even if the term  bastard  is spitting right back into his face.   that’s okay,  though:   gendry doesn’t and never asks for titles or lands or lordship the whole time he’s on screen.    when davos came back,   all he’d wanted was to fight.

and then he was taken to jon snow.   jon snow,   arya’s favourite brother.    and immediately he introduces himself even if davos instructed him otherwise just minutes before.   again,   the baratheon stubbornness,   huh?    but gendry is desperate at this point.   he wanted a reason for jon to see him seriously,   so he told him about a father who never knew he was alive;   he suddenly look like he’s proud of it,   the bastard of king robert.    and he followed it up with tales of their fathers to convince jon some more.    jon accepts him with a smile when they banter,  and gendry is looking jon straight in the eyes.   a city boy who has never seen snow or even knew how to ride a horse or rowed a boat,    but finally,   finally,   he’s offering his services.    finally,   he follows a stark.

maybe this time,   he thinks,    a stark doesn’t have to die.

and jon didn’t.    it comes in full circle when gendry uttered the next favourite line i’ve ever heard him say,  “ i’m not leaving you ” at jon when jon ordered him to go back.   for me,   it’s so   -   personal.   he’s looking straight at jon,   he’s shaking his head,   and he doesn’t address jon by a royal title or showing any indication that jon was above him.   this,   out there,   jon is equal to him somehow,   and his resilient retort,  how he was the one who raced to jon when jon was staring at the vast snow in panic,  was as though he’d known jon his whole life and he refused to leave jon out here to fight soldiers that can overwhelm the group.   he wanted to stay at jon’s side,   because the last time he deserted a stark,   he lost her.   and he really doesn’t want to lose another.

but he gave in   ( lmao he always gave in when it comes to starks lbr )  and he ran till he collapsed to make sure he did what jon told him to do.   to make sure he didn’t have to lose the king of the north.    and this is how it came full circle:   gendry wanted to belong,   so he took up the legacy that his dad never really gave him.   he wore the baratheon sigil,  in any way he could,   so he can feel like he’s got a family somehow.   dead ones,  sure;   but the same can be said of his allegiance to snow.   he is loyal to arya.   but as far as he knows,   arya is gone.   arya,   like the baratheons,  are ghosts.   however,   just because they’re not there anymore,   it doesn’t mean he can’t continue to hold on to whatever’s left of the house and the girl he knew.

gendry lived his whole life drifting from one place to another,   waiting for a place to open up so he doesn’t have to starve or feel less like a scum than he was before,   waiting for a chance that can bring him the closest to comfort;   in season seven,   it proved that he sought out and carved a place for himself despite the world shoving him constantly to the ground.   he took the baratheon name even if society norms forbade him and he insisted for the suicide mission jon’s constructing even if it meant it could kill him.   he’s done waiting.   he’s taking actions now,   and it shows.

iii.    conclusion and interpretation.

tl;dr     gendry isn’t proud of the baratheon name,   he doesn’t like highborns,  and he definitely isn’t interested in serving anybody any longer than he has to.    but he’ll announce he’s the bastard of king robert loudly,   he’ll pledge his fealty to the north if that’s where the starks are,   and he will forge a thousand of weapons daily for jon if he has to because gendry is a stubborn bull who is extremely tired of his past mistakes.   he wants to feel like he’s belonged somewhere now,   that he has a bigger purpose than just making swords for the house that wanted to kill him,   and he’s done his part waiting.   so gendry’s demanding a place now,   in any part of the larger scheme.  and i’ll play him as such.

please don’t reblog.

[metaphoricalplutowrites]

Please never fall in love again

On ao3 here | Masterlist of my fics

Authors note: Okay, im sorry for this. I heard the song “Please never fall in love again” by Ollie MN and imediately thought of some Roman angst i could do with this. So here it is! Also, this is my first time finishing a song fic (woop) so im sorry if its kinda bad aha. But yea, ill shush now lol

Summary: Roman falls in love, but after a broken heart, he’s not sure he wants to fall in love ever again.

Pairing(s): Prinxiety (moving to moxiety in the second half)

Warnings: heartbreak, breakdown, crying, faking emotions, angst, breakup (please tell me to add more if i need to)

Words: 2617

Tags: @novagalaxy4real​  @tree4life25​ @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms​  @say-no-to-this-but-its-laurens @magicmapleleaf​ @moxiety--sanders101​ @vrexemi​ @theresneverenoughfandoms​  @patchworkofstars​ @virgilssweaterpaws​@ravenclawicecream​ @theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly​ @eye-of-terrific

Could have been one lonely night,

Just like the others

 It was well known that out of the sides, Virgil was the one who got the most anxious. The one who holed up in his room sometimes for days. The one who was sometimes the loneliest.

However, what wasn’t really known was how the creative side felt.

He always seemed so enthusiastic and extra it wasn’t really easy to see how he felt through it all. He jokes about his ‘lonely nights’ spent ‘lying in wait for a young fellow to hold in his arms tightly’. And sure, the others took them as jokes, as Roman had originally intended them to be. But in reality, they weren’t fully jokes.

There were many nights where he found himself lying in bed, the empty space around him reminding him of how alone he was. Sometimes on those nights he cried, something he just stared lifelessly at the ceiling. Things became even worse once he developed a crush on the resident emo of the 4 of them.

On those lonely nights he found himself imagining what it might be like to hold him close in his arms, what it might be like to not be so alone and have him by his side. Sure during the day he was able to be with the other sides and Mr Edgelord himself, but that didn’t really do much for when he was alone. There was still no one to hold, to talk to, to be there for, to be with. It was just Roman, and Roman alone. And there wasn’t much he could do about it as he was too scared to talk to Virgil about his crush, afraid of rejection.

So Roman just stayed like that, lonely nights coming often, tears in the came capacity. And still no one knew of his solitude.

He was lonely.

All until Virgil came up to him and said he had a crush on Roman.

But you lit up my life

This is what it’s like to be lovers

 Once the two of them had sorted things out, Roman confessing back to Virgil. Tears may have been shed and that night was the first in ages that Roman had not spent alone.

The next day was spent much the same, just admiring each other and enjoying the presence of each other, and how they both felt next to each other. Smiles and gentle kisses were shared in abundance. Both glad to be with the one they love.

The week following the confession was much the same as well. Both happier now they were with each other. Virgil was still a little slow on the relationship/opening up side, but Roman would be willing to wait for as long as the other needed. Even if it took months, he’d wait.

 You may never be lonely again

 It was a promise Roman had told Virgil one night as they lay in bed together. Now they were together there would be no more nights spent alone – for either of them. They’d both smiled with the sentence, both hoping, promising for a future where they’d be together.

Even Logan and Patton could somehow tell Roman was feeling a lot better – even if they hadn’t known his previous struggles. Roman no longer made lonely jokes in vain, but as actual jokes, sarcastically asking ‘what he would ever do without his dark knight be his side’. Solitude was banished from the prince’s room, no more tears and crying over empty space as now it was no longer empty.

Roman was happy and so was Virgil.

 Spin with me, endlessly or at least until the end

 Dancing was one of the things Roman was known for being good at, and he definitely showed that to Virgil.

Date nights, while most were mainly movie nights and lounging on the couch, were sometimes occasionally ended with Roman taking the darker side’s hand and leading him into a slow dance. Swaying from foot to foot in time with the slow beat of the music playing softly in the background. Huddled against each other, holding on as if they planned to never let go again. Sharing moments of raw affection, soft whisperings and secret promises to never be apart again until death.

They often took up the whole living room, their swaying taking them in circles, spinning gradually as they went. Times like these seemed to go on forever, not that either of them were complaining, they were tunes they both treasured dearly.

Eventually they would have to stop for the night, mostly due to the fact that it was late and also because they were tired.

Even though the slow dance may have stopped, it didn’t mean that they stopped showing their love for each other even after and continued until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 Please never fall in love again,

Oh, please never fall in love again

 Roman knew that he was happy with how things were at the moment. He had found the love of his loaf, his prince, and he was able to spend every moment with him. He loved Virgil dearly and he hoped that wouldn’t change.

He hoped to hell and back that this would stay forever. That they would both stay in love forever. He knew how sometimes people’s feelings changed over time. And he knew how much that hurt when that happened, while it may not have happened to him, he’d seen it happen to others. but he was determined to make sure that didn’t happen to him.

Besides, he and Virgil were oh so terribly in love at that moment, it was hard to see them ever breaking up. So Roman payed this train of thought no mind. It didn’t matter after all.

He loved Virgil, and Virgil loved him, there wasn’t anything that could change that.

Right?

 And if some other guy, catches your eye

 It was a weird feeling. After a good number of months of being together, Roman felt as if Virgil was becoming distant. Sure, he could have put it down to the other having possibly more work to do than usual – though Roman couldn’t see any reasons why he would have more work – but it felt like something else.

Date nights became few and not as often as they used to be. When Roman asked if Virgil wanted to watch a film, these days more often than not, he’d politely decline, giving some kind of excuse and Roman would be left to himself once more. Just like those nights before he got together with Virgil.

Kisses became fewer and while Roman reminded Virgil everyday how he loved him, the other responded with hesitation, if at all. Sometimes it was only a mere nod of the head.

He could feel Virgil slipping away slowly, and he had no idea how to fix it. It was then that he started to realise.

Virgil’s glances at the moral side. The way his eyes lingered and looked at him the way he once looked at Roman,

How he saw Virgil trying to get closer to Patton, but also staying away as if his anxiety was holding him back – to be fair he was the embodiment of anxiety after all.

After a while it seemed like Virgil spent more time with Patton than he did with his boyfriend – if you could still call him that at this point. They always baked cookies together and more than once when Roman had requested a date night, Virgil had declined as he’d apparently already made plans for the night with Patton.

Honestly, Roman became to question if Virgil even loved him anymore. He didn’t know what hurt more, the thought of it, or the fact that he had thought about it so much recently, when he saw the two together it was all he could think of. So he just had to go around saying he was fine, even when he saw Patton returning Virgil’s gazes sometimes, he had to continue on with a slowly breaking heart.

 Please just text me your goodbye

 It was an evening when Virgil decided to speak up. Roman had asked him to watch a movie with him, but Virgil had once again said no, but also said that he had to admit something to Roman.

By this time he kinda guessed what was coming, but he still had to keep hopeful. Just in case what he though was coming wasn’t actually, and maybe he was just imagining it all.

But alas, at some point the truth had to come.

Virgil carefully explained how he had come to no longer harbour any romantic feelings towards the creative side anymore, and that he now had feelings for Patton instead.

God it would have been so much easier if this was all written down in a letter or a text. Roman wouldn’t have to deal with the grief and emotion in Virgil’s voice as he confessed.

But Roman had to stay strong, this wasn’t going to break him. Besides, he had kinda already guessed it before Virgil even said anything anyways. He had guessed for a while now. But hearing Virgil say that he didn’t love him anymore just hurt more than he thought, even as Virgil apologised.

 You know i don’t look pretty when I cry

 He reassured Virgil that it was fine, that it was perfectly okay. That people change and he’d support him and Patton’s relationship if they ever got together. All the while, while saying this he fought back tears. He was a good actor, so the emotions were hidden behind a mask he put up.

He didn’t want to look pathetic in front of Virgil.

However when he returned to his room after bidding the other goodnight, all walls and masks he put up to shield his sadness from Virgil crumbles and he fell to the floor, sobbing his heart out. He had been on many a quest before and had experienced pain, but nothing like this.

So he cried and cried, until there were no more tears to come and all that was left was simply a hollow shell, not sure of what to do next. Tear tracks trances the sides of his face and his eyes were red, his hair a mess from where he had ran his hands through it in an attempt to make himself feel better.

Patton had come to check on him at some point later that night. He didn’t open the door as he knew he looked like utter crap, but he tried his best to sound cheerful and like he was actually okay as he replied through the door. Which seemed to be enough for Patton to leave him alone, satisfied with Roman’s answer.

He fell asleep, not bothering to get back up from the floor and onto his bed. All sense of motivation had left him and he felt so broken and lost. He’d lost the love of his life and he’d never felt so alone, not even the times before his relationship. So for that moment he just tried to sleep, too tired to do anything else.

 And I don’t want that to be your final glimpse of me, baby

 The next morning when he got up he still looked like utter crap. But he masked it with layers of makeup and put on a smile as he headed down to breakfast, pretending as if his breakdown hadn’t happened the previous night. He was given a curious look from Virgil, but he only smiled in reply.

Breakfast went as it normally did, apart from at the end he somehow found himself confessing to the others that he and Virgil had broken up, it was going to have to come out at some points anyways, better get it out of the way earlier than later. It received a shocked gasp from Patton, who asked if they were okay. Roman brushed it off of course, not wanting to concern him with his problems and troubles. So they all accepted it and moved on, due to Roman’s good acting and managing to get them to understand quickly enough.

The next morning when he came down, once again hiding his true feelings when he saw Virgil, it seemed as if afore mentioned side had something to announce. And it was probably something to do with Patton as the both of them seemed to be smiling at each other a lot.

Virgil and Patton were now a couple.

It took a few moment s for the information to sink in, but when he did he immediately congratulated the two of them, ignoring the pain he felt in his check as he did so. Everyone seemed so happy and cheerful. Once it was over, Roman once again retreated back to his room, the others believing he was fine. When in reality, he really wasn’t.

He got into his room and cried once more. Cursing the world and his heart. His makeup was ruined, so there was no point in going back and seeing the others again that day. So he just spent the rest of the day in his realm, fighting imaginary dragon witches to ignore how his heart ached. He fought until he could physically fight no more and he collapsed on his bed. Loneliness once again worming its way into his chest and making him feel slip back to the days he spent countless nights alone.

It seemed those days never really left for good and were now back with a vengeance.

 But if you could please return my Shrek DVDs, maybe

 Later in the week, he gathered the courage to go up to Virgil’s room after realising he’d leant said side some of his Disney films. He approached the door cautiously and just as e was about to knock, the door opened and revealed a slightly startled Virgil standing there, holding a small-ish pile Roman’s DVDs, and a few other things Roman had forgotten he’d given Virgil.

With little conversation, Roman took the items and brought them back to his room, turning back only to see Patton approach Virgil and see them share a kiss.

He proceeded straight to his room and set the things aside, once again going back into his realm to fight.

Roman could see Virgil was returning all the things he’d given him when they were in love. And Roman couldn’t honestly blame him. He wouldn’t want anything he’d given anyone either. But he was still upset and then turned that sadness into fighting rage as he tore through enemy after enemy.

Every day spending more time in his own realm than he did with the other sides. Not that they really noticed, they thought he was just trying to get some creative energy out or something like that.

 Please never fall in love again

 It was during one of his battles that he decided. It hurt too much to fall in love. Love hurt too much. Maybe it would be easier if it never happened again. Maybe it would be easier if it never happened in the first place.

Either way, he made a decision and he didn’t think of ever going against it.

He would close off his heart. He didn’t want to feel the pain of love again, didn’t want to deal with the heart ache which ensued afterwards. He didn’t want to fall in love ever again. He planned to stick to his decision, for as long as possible.

No, he wouldn’t fall for anyone anymore. After what had happened, he’d make sure it never happened again.

Ever.

 Oh, please never fall in love again.