#the-diary-of-a-failure

[greenstudies]

Perhaps growing up isn't about knowing how to do your own laundry or how to pay your bills. Growing up might not be your age changing and maybe it doesn't rely on the flow of time.

I think growing up is going through a painful experience and learning from it. Growing up is doing difficult things because they're the right thing to do.

Maybe one day you'll look back at the version of you that is just a year younger and feel like you've aged thousands of years. But you'll also know who you are. Growing up isn't really about chores and work. It's about knowing your worth. Knowing that you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated with respect.

You might outgrow friends and family. You might outgrow places. But growth is good. Because you deserve to be happy.

[torbooks]

Murderbot is MurderBACK in the next installment of Martha Wells’s NYT bestselling Murderbot Diaries series System Collapse 🤖🚀

WHAT’S IT ABOUT

Following the events of Network Effect, our favorite lethally cybernetic television fiend has done the previously unthinkable: agreed to accompany the sentient spaceship Perihelion (dubbed ART by Murderbot, short for Asshole Research Transport) and crew on its next mission. 

Unfortunately, they’re not going to get too far. 

Having failed to harvest dangerous artifacts from their target planet by way of Murderbot misadventure, the Barish-Estranza corporation is much angered and determined to recoup their considerable losses. And when you’re a lethally opportunistic space corp, blood and muscle are valuable currency. 

Murderbot, ART’s crew, and the Preservation humans have planetside work to do as Barish-Estranza seeks to claim the planet’s beleaguered colony as a conscripted workforce. 

But for Murderbot, the challenge is as internal as it is external. Something is deeply, deeply wrong with it. Normal operational parameters are unmet, but with the corp’s SecUnit-heavy persuasion teams en route, Murderbot needs to resolve its issues, and fast!

[mcdlaurance]

i’m not a pious man in any way but oh my god religious imagery goes crazy

also haiiii first post on my mcd sideblog :3

[itsnotawantitsaneed]

Eating is my trigger food

[foolishnpd]

reading my old diary like babygirl you sure are exhibiting Symptoms™

[braceletofteeth]

Inwoo Failing to Kill Dongsik: The Series

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5

[ilove25andpink]

TW: ANOTHER FAT BITCH BODY CHECK

God , I remember these jeans used to fit me so tightly , it's so weird watching my size go down , I feel the same tbh

[robinmage]

i am weak.

will be updating regularly. pls give me recommendations

[dk-thrive]

One feels one’s own decay and it’s hard to believe it’s not visible and a turn-off.

— Sheila Heti, Alphabetical Diaries (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, February 6, 2024)

[jigo-ku]

My parents are like the worst. They are divorced for like 18 years and I can't even talk on the phone with one of them if the other one is around. They created the worst environment for me as a child and now they trigger my anxiety bc they are insecure that I don't love them enough(and yes they should be worried about that bc they have tried to destroy me. I have memory loss bc of my trauma and that scares me so much) or they are just competitive with each other.

Last night(Nye), I was at my mum's home. My cousin didn't feel very good after Nye and I ran to her to give her support. And bc of that I forgot to call my dad to wish him a happy new year(he didn't call me either, he just texted me). I went to a party after that(I had so much fun btw) So I texted him back at 7am, after I came home and I said that I'll call him when I wake up. At 12 pm, I woke up bc I needed water and I wanted to vomit. After that I slept for 2 more hours. I woke up again and I called him, he never answered.

Moments ago he called and he acted like I forgot about him and he tried to guilt trip me. I tried with all my strength(I feel exhausted) to explain to him why I didn't call... Now I have chest pains, I feel like he hates me... His wife talked to me in the same tone as him. I didn't meet them, for Christmas not even for the New Year's, but I had covid until yesterday and I wanted to have fun. Is that so bad???? Why do they always try to guilt trip me?

[greenstudies]

University pro tip: overwhelmed? Lie down on the floor. I mean it. Flat on the floor. Like a cat.

[augment-techs]

[infinitesadnessmelon]

[sweetdreamspootypie]

Trying to take and enjoy the opportunity to achieve an adulting milestone goal of mine

But being confronted by the fact that doing so inherently involves my parents are participants and witnesses so regardless of how much or little I try or care, the only guarantee is criticism, with anything I'm proud of going entirely unnoticed and disregarded as unimportant

So

Hard to muster the motivation for the effort

When the internal voice is just "why bother, nobody gives a shit" (except me) (so why put myself in that position) (because the point of the goal is to move beyond the past limitations imposed by my parents) (growth is a really annoying process) (hey at least I know H's mum will say something nice)

[mugenloopdalove]

So funny seeing ppl mock me for falling behind in drabblecember bc the reason I feel behind is my creative energy has been focused on original stuff

[greenlinsblog]

Soooo update I guess ?

Do I even need this page anymore ? I just ate like a pig today! AGAIN! Even after I was so shocked about my weight gain. I felt so stupid that I felt like making myself happy with food since I fucked up anyway !? Does that makes sense?

So now I feel even fatter and unhappier welp. That didn’t go as planned

I’ll try AGAIN tomorrow I won’t step on a scale cause I might drop to the ground when I see the number so let’s skip the day tomorrow and hope I won’t eat 🙏🏼

I feel like I experience extreme hunger, since I’m in forced recovery… I wanna get out of it I wanna be back at my honeymoon phase.

Make this circle end. Im TIREEEEED