#then again I've lost track of what my music taste is these days

[glorious-blackout]

I was tagged by @uhbasicallyjustmilex, thank you! 🥰

go to your 'on repeat' playlist on spotify (heavy rotation mix on apple music), throw it on shuffle and share the first 10 songs you get

Lunch - Billie Eilish

Straight Jacket Fitting - Queens of the Stone Age

Svarte Katter & Flosshatter (Live) - Kaizers Orchestra

Tsunami (11:11) - Bambie Thug

Starburster - Fontaines D.C.

Now and Then - The Beatles

Krip - Go_A

Stone - Bashar Murad

Europapa - Joost Klein

Ruoska - Käärijä, Erika Vikman

Tagging: @rock-n-roll-fantasy, @aeolianblues, @thespiritofvexation, @see-sawed, @burn-on-the-flame, @alexturne and anyone else who wants to do it 💚

[f1letters]

maroon | cs55

"how the hell did we lose sight of us again? sobbing with your head in your hands, ain't that the way shit always ends?"

summary: they both knew their relationship would ruin them both, but they couldn't stop themselves from running back to each other every goddamn time

warning: angst, toxic relationship, mentions of a vicious cycle of breaking up and making up, right person wrong time, suggestive language, swearing, a bunch of references to older classic rock bands and albums (and CAS because they are my fav band of all time haha), open ending

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

word count: 4.3k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past.

spanish words used: hermosa = beautiful; corazón = heart

hey everybody! honestly, this song is the one I've been looking forward to writing the most since the beginning... I worked so hard and I gave everything I had in me to this story (hence the story being the longest so far, something about writing for Carlos just makes me write so much more every time, haha), I couldn't be more proud of what I did! haha, hopefully, you guys love it as much as I do! happy holidays to everyone! 💜

masterlist

When the morning came

We were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf

'Cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap

Like you were my closest friend

Dozens of voices echoed through the crowded room, engaged in different conversations and dialogues.

The crowd seemed to have a life of its own. Old friends catching up on the latest news in their lives. New friends being made unexpectedly. The sharing of the latest gossip and rumours among the most curious souls. The sound of endless, genuine laughter through the halls.

In the middle of the glowing lights, the shiny clothes and the loud music, hidden in the shadows, there she was.

Y/N had escaped the huddled bodies until she found refuge in an empty room. With the door closed, the noise of the party was now muffled, leaving the girl alone with her thoughts as she searched through a vinyl shelf she found there.

Led Zeppelin. Pink Floyd. Radiohead. The Clash. Their owner had taste, she thought, fascinated by their timeless records. The young woman also appreciated these older classic albums, although she couldn't find many people like her.

With her hands roaming over the vinyl without much care for the party happening, Y/N nearly dropped a Nirvana album on the floor when the bedroom door burst open.

"Oh." The unknown man said, stopping in his track when he came face to face with her. "Sorry, but do I know you?"

"Hmm, I don't think so." The girl frowned in doubt. Her eyes widened as she realized she was clearly breaking into someone's room. "Oh my god, is this your room? It is, isn't it? What was I thinking going in like that-"

"Hey, don't worry! It's okay! I just wasn't expecting to see anyone in here." He chuckled softly, extending his hand to the girl. "I'm Carlos, and you are...?"

"Y/N, nice to meet you!" She shook his hand back. The girl could have sworn she felt a spark run through her veins as soon as she felt his touch.

"Hmm, sorry for going through your stuff. I- I'm a huge music lover and I- Just couldn't help myself." The girl continued, half choking up, half laughing at herself, lifting the album in her hand to show Carlos what she was doing.

"I don't mind." The driver responded, approaching her and taking the vinyl from her hold. The warm skin of his hand contrasted with her cool one, letting his touch linger. "So, are you a Nevermind fan?"

"More of a Bleach girl myself." Y/N said smugly, her eyes glazing over the boy's charming figure before returning to the shelf. "You have an incredible collection. I wish I had this many records."

"How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" you say

"Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how"

I see you every day now

Hours passed, and both lost track of time as they talked about everything and anything. 

Y/N and Carlos were instantly attracted to each other, bonded not just by their shared love of music but by a soul connection neither could explain.

It was profound in ways that were beyond physical attraction, it had to be experienced to be truly understood.

Almost like their souls knew each other from the past.

The couple stood there, only a few hours after they met, sitting on the floor of his bedroom. They laughed with her feet in his lap, with a cheap-ass screw-top bottle of rosé beside them.

It was like an enchanting enigma how much they felt like each other's closest friends, like they had been part of each other's lives forever.

A Fleetwood Mac song was playing from Carlos's red vinyl record player when the woman spoke. "Isn't it crazy that I ended up at your house party and didn't even know who you were until you walked into this room?"

The two chuckled softly as their eyes locked and the driver's hand ran along the top of her thigh. "A bit maybe." He bit his bottom lip, a little unsure and nervous. Deciding to take risks that night, he continued. "But it was totally worth sneaking in here and skipping the party just to meet you."

Y/N could feel her cheeks heat up as they flushed. The girl tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked away from him to the floor.

"I don't know about you," Carlos again captured the attention of the girl beside him, approaching her little by little. "But I don't think I've ever felt this chemistry with anyone in my entire life, hermosa."

Driven by her impulsiveness and by the tension that hung in the air, the young woman made the first move and closed the space between them, letting her lips rest on his in a much-desired kiss. 

It started out soft and slow, their hearts beating faster and faster as the adrenaline grew. Y/N let her mouth open a little, and the driver took that as a sign to let his tongue swirl in her mouth. Her hands found their place among the brown locks of his wild hair, as he pulled her body towards him until she was on top of him.

Y/N was never one for one-night stands or sex on the first date, but that moment felt different for her. None of it felt sudden, ill-considered, or a mistake.

In fact, Y/N had never felt like anything was so right as pulling the Spaniard onto his bed mattress that night.

And I chose you

The one I was dancing with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was

For the next six months, Y/N and Carlos were inseparable.

Their feelings for each other continued to grow stronger and stronger with every passing day. However, the two kept them secret from each other, hidden in the privacy of their own minds.

During those magical months since the night they'd met, they'd given themselves to each other, body and soul. But they both knew there was something more between them: something impossible to ignore, something special.

So special that the two feared they would ruin it by putting a title on their relationship.

They were… Friends with benefits, lovers, soulmates? All options were honest and sincere, but they were only attempts to escape the term "boyfriend and girlfriend".

Painting New York City white, snowflakes fell from the skies while shimmering under the lights like jewels bestowed by winter.

The couple could already see their destination, such was the way the girl's maroon apartment building stood out among the snow-covered sidewalks.

Carlos hugged her waist from behind, squeezing the girl's body and picking her up off the ground.

"Carlos, stop! You're going to drop me, you idiot!" Y/N squealed playfully, being immediately put down again in front of her door.

The driver placed a tender kiss on her forehead and then adjusted the black beanie that covered the top of her head. "I would never let you fall, corazón."

Except I already fell for you, she thought to herself, making her heart ache.

The two hurriedly climbed the building's stairs, eager to return to the warmth of her home. They had barely passed the front door when the two started taking off their cold and damp shoes in search of some relief from the discomfort in their feet.

The Cigarettes After Sex album that they were listening to before leaving her living room continued to echo through the walls of the apartment. Immediately, Carlos grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, wrapping her shoulders with his arms as he started to sway their connected bodies gently to the music.

"What are you doing?" Y/N asked, caught off guard by the driver's movements.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Carlos asked playfully, running his hand through the young woman's long hair. "I'm dancing with you to your favourite band."

Just when she thought it wasn't possible for her feelings to grow any further, Carlos seemed to challenge her, proving her wrong all over again. Her heart could explode at any second with how much love for the Spaniard she kept in it.

"Carlos?" She asked in a whisper.

"Yes, hermosa?" He replied in the same tone.

"I'm so glad I chose you."

In the end, what mattered to them was seizing the moment before it was over, being happy with each other before the inevitable end came.

Both Y/N and Carlos couldn't help sensing that they were doomed to end sooner or later.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was

Eventually, the first signs of the end of their honeymoon phase began to appear.

Their flaws seemed more noticeable, their patience thinner, and their problems more difficult to solve.

All of a sudden, the illusion that their relationship was perfect started to fade with time.

The two began to see themselves as opponents with their backs turned to each other instead of the hopelessly in love souls they were in the beginning.

On a random spring night, the two were getting ready for another one of their dates, in the privacy of his house, like they did so many times before.

The two naturally assumed their tasks without much dialogue at this point: Y/N was leaning over the stove as she finished cooking dinner for them, while Carlos was in the dining room setting the table.

After completing what he had to do, the driver went to the kitchen in search of a wine to serve with the pasta that his lover was preparing. He opened the pantry and took out his favourite red wine from one of the bottom shelves.

Carlos walked to one of the drawers, removing his corkscrew from it, and opened the bottle without knowing that Y/N was moving dangerously close to him. 

By accident, his sudden movement caused the bottle to splash onto the once-white t-shirt the young woman wore, now leaving a huge burgundy mark on it.

"Are you fucking serious?" Y/N complained, disgusted with the state of her outfit. "This t-shirt is new, Carlos. For fuck's sake, this stain is never coming off."

"Calm down, it's not like someone died. It's just a fucking t-shirt, Y/N." Carlos replied, in the same aggressive tone. "I'll buy you a new one. Don't let this night be ruined for something so small."

"You'll buy it?! You always think that your money solves everything, don't you?" The girl spat, starting her way to her room to change her clothes. "I just wish you would be careful for once in your life and not be so fucking clumsy."

"It's a piece of fabric, oh my God." Carlos followed her, not ready to give up. "Get over it!"

"You know what? Enjoy your dinner alone. I'm out of here."

And so their new routine began: they argued, they fucked, they made up, they repeated.

The rooms they'd once set on fire with their burning, sizzling passion were now left in ashes, burned by the flame that brought them back to each other's arms, time after time.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

Fight after fight, the two kept finding their way to each other every single time, like two individuals relapsing on their favourite addiction.

The young woman had been dragged by the Spaniard to another one of his races, though as a very discreet and unknown guest.

Nobody knew her in that world, not even his closest colleagues, and Y/N couldn't help but feel hurt by all of Carlos' secrecy.

Okay, they weren't together-together, but the fact that she wasn't even mentioned to his best friends still seemed like a red flag to her.

Y/N had managed to escape to his room without anyone noticing, coming face to face with the shirtless figure with his back to her.

"Hey, handsome." The girl approached him, placing her hands on his chest as she leaned against his naked back.

"Corazón, you are here." The driver turned towards her, placing a kiss on her lips and down along the side of her neck. "I missed you so much. These weeks without you have driven me crazy."

"Hmm... Were you missing me or having me?" Y/N questioned, trying to pretend to be unaffected by the way his mouth sucked on her collarbone so sensually.

The boy turned his eyes to her gaze and cupped her face gently in his hands. "You, hermosa. You."

Their moment was interrupted by a member of Ferrari knocking on the door, warning Carlos that he would have to prepare for the driver's parade. Both of them slipped from his room and the motorhome, coming across two other drivers she recognized from watching other races.

"Well, well, well," Lando announced, messing with Carlos and his mystery companion. "What do we have here? Sainz, you don't even introduce your 'friend' here to your boys"

"Pfff, friend." The Spaniard's teammate, Charles, replied, also joking. "At least her fresh hickey tells me otherwise."

The girl immediately looked down at the neckline of her shirt, where she noticed the love bite near her neck.

And when her gaze rested on her lover's annoyed face, she realized how unhappy he was that they got caught.

When the silence came

We were shaking, blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbing with your head in your hands

Ain't that the way shit always ends?

"Since this muppet here doesn't want to introduce us, I'll do the honours. I'm Lando, this is Charles." The McLaren driver said, pointing to his Ferrari friend, followed by his outstretched hand towards the girl.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Y/N." She greeted the British, and then the Monegasque.

"So why are you hiding your beautiful girlfriend from us, Sainz?" Charles asked curiously.

"She's not my girlfriend, I have to go." Carlos replied, turning away and leaving behind two shocked friends, a hurt girl and her heart broken into little pieces.

After hearing a thousand apologies from the two nice guys for meddling in matters that weren't theirs, Y/N decided to walk to the exit of the circuit and skip the race altogether.

Hours passed and only silence came to her hotel room, with no sign of Carlos.

The girl sat on the floor, back against the bed covered with a maroon duvet, shaking, blind and hazy, until he eventually appeared.

How the hell did we lose sight of us again, she thought to herself over and over again.

The driver entered the room, shoulders slumped in regret, expecting to find an upset Y/N he had to apologize to.

Never did he expect to find the girl he loved sobbing with her head in her hands.

Carlos knelt down in front of the young woman, placing his hands on her knees, which provoked her to look at him with eyes smudged with mascara.

"Sorry, hermosa." The boy apologized, letting his forehead rest against her knee.

"Sorry for what, Carlos?" Y/N asked, determined to get the truth out of him.

"I shouldn't have turned away and left you alone with Lando and Charles." The Spaniard confessed. "I understand that you didn't see the race, but it's done now, you don't need to be like that..."

"The discussion is over, yes." The girl spoke, getting up from the floor and looking at the image of him still kneeling. "But us, this, whatever it is, that is over too."

"Stop, Y/N!" The driver also got to his feet, trying to stop her from leaving. "This is just another argument. We always come back to each other, that's the way shit always ends."

The woman released her wrist from his hold, opened the door and glanced at him over her shoulder before walking away.

"Not this time."

You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway

Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us

I feel you, no matter what

The rubies that I gave up

A day passed. Then two days. Three days.

On the fourth day, the doorbell to her New York apartment rang and her heart just knew that he was going to be the person behind the door.

Y/N opened the entrance to her house and there he was as expected: Carlos, standing there, hollow-eyed in the hallway, flowers in hand.

"Before you interrupt me, I beg you: please, listen to what I have to say. Then you can send me away if you want and I'll go." Carlos begged her, his hands gripping the red flowers more tightly. "I love you. I'm sorry I came to that conclusion so late but I do, I love you. So much my chest hurts whenever I'm not with you. And I know I've been an asshole to you, especially on this last race, and I know I don't deserve you but I'm not ready to give up on you, on us."

The young woman remained silent, listening to the words she'd been waiting to hear all these months.

But they were too late.

"These roses are for you, corazón. I know they are your favourite flowers." The driver held the flowers out to her.

"Carnations," Y/N replied, leaving the Spaniard more confused than ever. "These are carnations, not roses."

The two kept their eyes together until a tear ran down the girl's eyes. And both of them knew.

"I'm sorry, Carlos, but you should leave." Y/N sobbed. "I loved you all this time but I had enough."

And I lost you

The one I was dancing with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was

Maroon

It took six months for them to end their perfect, magical honeymoon phase. 

Followed by another six months of endless fighting and pain inflicted on each other.

Perhaps in some poetic way, six months passed from Y/N losing him until they saw each other again.

Nothing hurt more than being away from the one person she loved more than anyone. Especially when she knew the passion and the love between them were still there.

She couldn't help feeling that they were two cursed souls destined to suffer for their love.

Without Carlos, even music seemed to sound different. 

Since the day she saw the boy walk out the door, her vinyl had remained exactly in the same place, gathering dust, as she didn't have the courage to listen to them again without being consumed by memories of them.

Trapped in her thoughts on yet another sleepless night, Y/N looked up at the sky and thought to herself: I can't die from a broken heart, but I can't help but feel like a part of me did that day.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was

Maroon

Tired of brooding over the excruciating time away from the driver, Y/N relented and agreed to leave the comfort of her home to go to a party for the first time in a long time.

Dressed to the nines, the girl found herself in a crowd in the middle of an unfamiliar house.

It was the same as always: old friends, new friends, gossip, rumours, laughter, shining lights, loud music.

The young woman simply couldn't enjoy that life as she did before. All she wanted was to go home, lay under the covers, with the fire burning on her fireplace... But the memories that place held of him began to feel like they were too much for her to bear.

Alcohol in her hand, as usual, Y/N escaped the noise to a random room in the house, much like the night she met Carlos. 

This time, the girl found herself in the middle of a guest room, with nothing more than a bed and some basic furniture, where she sat enjoying a sweet drink.

Mirroring that night even further, Y/N was stunned when the white bedroom door opened to let in the tanned, handsome boy who was consuming her head.

"Oh," Carlos said, unable to contain his feelings when he saw the woman again after so long. "Hey, I- I was just looking for the bathroom. I- I'm going to go."

"No, wait!" Unconsciously, Y/N stood up, grabbing the driver's wrist without giving it much thought until she felt the blood rush into her cheeks. "Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. I just- I don't know... I miss you."

The Spaniard let her words sink in, all emotions on the surface. "Y/N... Please, don't do this. I don't know if I can survive another heartbreak."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Forget this ever happened." Y/N got ready to walk out the door until it was the boy's turn to grab her arm.

Carlos pulled her towards him, grabbing her face with both hands and pulling her into a so-desired kiss filled with longing, pain, and lust.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

His lips brushed hers, allowing him to inhale her breath and feel the warmth of her mouth, until he let his lips mash against hers in a rough, heated kiss.

She opened her mouth quickly, pushing her tongue past his teeth and meeting him in an electric and passionate battle. 

Both lay on the bed, her straddling his body like she did a million other times, her lips still glued to the ones she used to call home.

They both pull away, panting with their gazes focused on each other almost as if they were afraid the moment would suddenly be over.

"I still love you, hermosa." Carlos confessed, letting the words slip out. "There wasn't a day that I didn't think of you, or that I didn't want your body next to mine just like this."

For one more night, Y/N gave in to her most intimate desires and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of belonging in the arms of the man she loved again, as she removed her dress and her lips returned to where they belonged - his.

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy, legacy

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy to leave

Such was the girl's amazement when hours later she woke up in the same bed, alone with only his memory over her.

The wrinkled sheets on the right side of the mattress were the only sign that the driver had been in that room the night before. 

Not a note, a discarded piece of clothing, a stray hair.

Just crumpled linens and the marks of his love smeared across her soft skin.

Once again, Y/N was left with only her regrets and her sorrows for being so weak and so naive to think this time would be different.

That was the legacy he left every time: his touch on her remained, as did his absence.

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks

So scarlet, it was maroon

Back at home, the girl went straight to her room, wanting nothing more than to get out of her dirty clothes from the night before. 

Her hands started their work of removing the dress, until she stopped in her tracks, naked in front of her bathroom mirror, when she saw the marks left by Carlos all over her for the first time.

She swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, as she stepped into the shower.

The hot water ran through her hair, over her shoulders, and down her back, until loneliness overcame her and her eyes wept and wept away all the hurt she felt.

How could I have been stupid enough to fall again, she wondered.

After a few minutes of crying and showering, Y/N left the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body, and went to her dresser in search of an old t-shirt to wear.

Among the dozens of her neutral shirts, one stood out. It was scarlet, and it was his.

Without thinking twice, she grabbed the t-shirt and draped it over her body, ready to give in to the sadness. Her arms hugged her own torso, seeking physical comfort in a place where she was the only person left.

Or so she thought until she heard the familiar doorbell ring later that night.

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

The only light on the dark street that night was the street light that lit up the star-crossed lovers ever so slightly.

There he was, standing outside of the door of her maroon building, red roses in hand this time, face pleading for forgiveness. 

Although their lives might not have fit together, they were just two broken souls who had found solace in each other's hearts, unwilling to give up on the greatest love they had ever known.

And just like that, pulled back into their vicious cycle, all she had consuming her mind was him all over again.

"Hey, corazón."

It was maroon

It was maroon

taglist: @dan3avocado @starxqt @roseinnej @spiidergirlsworld @ccloaned @hotpigeon22 @dr3lover @lovelytsunoda @primadonnasdream @luxebeautystyle @wallfloweriism @ilivefortheleague @gwynethhberdara @satellitelh @adavenus @audreyscodes @wifeoflucyboynton @th6ccnsp6cyy @classifiedsblog @flyingmushroomss @motylekrozi @claramllera @gabrielamaex @handsupforamiracle @pierre-gasssllyy @lorenaloveslewis

@idkiwantchocolatee @simpforsunwoo @kissatelier @xweirdxsceletton @micksmidnights @miniminescapist @inchidentwithmax @hopelesslyromantics-world @alwaysclassyeagle @indieclarke @capela-miranda @okokoksblog @pulpfixion @sins-only33 @sainzclerc @allisonxf1 @honethatty12

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(taglist continues in the comments)

thank you to everyone that asked to be tagged! please let me know if you want to be added to the next stories! 💌

[beautifulpersonpeach]

You know what I love so much about BTS's music is when you've not listened to a song or album for a while and when you do not only are you reminded of how good it is, but also sometimes songs you already like and have heard countless times before you suddenly latch onto unexpectedly. It happens to me often with their music, the latest song for me being Let me know. It just got it's claws into me on my Dark and Wild revisit and I've had it on repeatedly the past few days. I don't know what it is about them or their music that manages to just keep grabbing at you the way it does, maybe it's because their discography is so large and varied, but whatever it is I'm very grateful.

***

That’s the thing about excellent quality: it’s timeless. It doesn’t matter how old their songs are, how much you replay them, or whatever. When you listen to BTS’s music, you know it’s good because it feels incredible.

Your experience with Let Me Know is one I relate to so hard. That song was released in 2014 you know. BTS were really dropping bangers right out the gate. Like, it’s no surprise they blew up the way they did because they just had the best music point blank period.

They still do.

The songs I’ve revisited recently that made me feel similarly to you are:

- Mikrokosmos: Not a bad song at all, but one I usually skip and don’t add to my playlists because it’s not exactly my taste and it often reminds me of BTS concerts and that’s a sore topic for me recently. But I was traveling this past weekend and browsing music on the plane, and saw it then played it on a whim. And man, it hit me again just how good that song is. BTS knows how to make good music and execute it perfectly every time.

- I NEED U (Remix): There’s this view in the fandom that BTS only recently started putting out several remixes, but while they’ve certainly put out more in recent years to match pace with Western practices, they’ve also always kinda been into remixes. And back in my day, the fandom actually made it a point to enjoy the remixes. I Need U remix is one such remix I used to jam out to back then, and while playing some of my older lists recently to prepare for Hobi’s birthday, this song played and the nostalgia hit me like a truck.

- Lost: This is the most underrated song in BTS’s discography. It’s one of the songs where you just have to watch the live performance and see the choreography. It’s just too good. In fact, Lost > The Truth Untold. By a mile. Jungkook’s voice and insane runs in that song are something you just have to experience for yourself.

They dropped that banger 3 years after their debut.

- Go Go: This song is what solidified BTS’s success in 2017. Not DNA imo. Just listen to their voices in this song. Listen to how they sing, how unrefined and passionate it is. They sound like they’re having fun. I forgot about Go Go until a few weeks ago and it’s in my rotation again.

- Fly to my Room: Songs like this is why BTS is on top of the k-pop food chain. Nobody in the entire industry can arrange and pull off a song like this: choir/gospel with a fuckass organ + gutter trap + Hoseok’s verse… like, god. Those whispered harmonies in the final chorus before the crescendo outro. Jimin’s high notes…. It’s just such a serve of a song. They killed it.

- Spinebreaker: Someone asked me recently how the rapline became my bias, if I started with one rapline member then the rest followed, or if it was all at once. I didn’t answer that ask but anon if you’re reading this, the answer is all at once. I’d liked the rapline since debut but I think it was this song that did it for me. All of them on this track are insane. From the moment I heard Joon’s voice at the start I just accepted my fate.

Anyway, thanks for this ask Anon. BTS are so loved because they put their heart and soul into the music they make and it shows. It’s why streaming their stuff has never felt like a chore for me. I look forward to listening to their music every day I wake up. It makes my life better. I’m happy it seems to be at least a bit similar for you too.

[roanniom]

Ok. This is retroactively dedicated to @millenialcatlady

Notes and Verses

Music professor!Eddie Munson and English professor!reader

Warnings: Fluff, sexual tension, future smut in this AU!

Eddie had a successful career as a touring and session musician, playing guitar for amazing artists and for his own band. But somewhere along the way he lost the words. Lyrics don’t come easy to him anymore. He used to fill pages and pages with his thoughts and ideas and feelings. Cheeky little ditties and heartfelt anecdotes. But these days it’s just melody and nothing else. He’s a wizard on guitar but only under someone else’s words.

His prolific career led to a steady fall gig teaching as a lecturer at a prestigious college known for its music program (they didn’t care about the fact that he’d barely finished high school since he’d preformed on Grammy winning tracks). And it turns out that his office is housed right next to the brick building containing the English department.

Which is how he met you.

Sweet. Studious. Buttoned up you. Plaid and tweed and stockinged and woolen and soft and warm you. You became unlikely friends when you’d both reached for the last muffin in the little coffee shop nestled between your buildings. Conversation flowed easily, in spite of your differing aesthetics, and as the weeks flew by that first fall, you and Eddie became fast friends with a regular set time to catch up over coffee and one of those coveted muffins.

Eddie spends his springs in studios doing session recordings, but eventually you cajole him into teaching summer courses. Selfish as you are to have him with you for two seasons of the year. Little do you know that he’s selfish in his desire to see you in less layers in the warm months, sweaters traded for tasteful but lower cut blouses, structured skirts and tights traded for shorter, flowy material and skin.

It’s on your third fall semester together that Eddie happens upon your notebook, however. You’d both spent a lunch break together in companionable silence, chewing and working on your own paperwork. You come back from washing up to find Eddie flipping through the notebook you’d left open on the table. He looks up at you with wide eyes.

“You’re so fucking talented, you know that?”

You scramble forward and grab the notebook from him, slamming it shut and holding it against your chest protectively.

“Eddie! You can’t read other people’s writing without asking!�� you huff. Ruffled.

“Well then can I read it, please?” Eddie asks. He holds his hand out to get you to hand it back. You shake your head.

“No!”

Eddie pouts at you as you regain your seat across from him.

“That’s some deep shit you have in there,” he says gravely. You roll your eyes.

“Eloquent, Munson.”

“Hey, look. Never said I was,” Eddie says with a roguish wink that’s got you hotter under the collar than you’d like to admit. “Haven’t been able to write in years. A decade even.”

“I don’t believe that,” you snort.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a storyteller. A tale weaver. A blowhard,” you tease, sliding the tip of your finger around the rim of your mug. Eddie watches your finger's trajectory for a minute before speaking up again.

"We should team up."

"I'm sorry?" you ask, certain you've heard him wrong.

"Your words. My music."

"What are you talking about?" you ask, completely flustered at the very proposition even though he hasn't explained himself at all yet.

"You do lyrics, I do melody. We could kill it, babe!" His grin is massive and your heart constricts. He often calls you by pet names, but this time it makes you feel light headed. You throw your notebook and things into your bag.

"You've finally lost it, Munson," you say, light and dismissive, getting up from the table. "You're out of your mind."

Eddie is quick to follow you out of the cafe.

"This is the clearest I've been thinking in years!" he insists, grabbing your elbow before you can dash off to your own building. He whirls you back to him and you catch your balance by gripping his bicep. His rather large bicep...

"This is what I've been waiting for. Inspiration. Guidance. A muse!"

Eddie's eyes are so wide and his smile is so hopeful that you feel your stomach flip.

"Eddie, I have no background in music. I don't write songs!"

"But you write poetry - it's the same thing!"

You huff and look around wildly as if some kind of excuse or escape will materialize out of thin air and get you out of this uncomfortable situation. Instead, all you see is the lanky, expectant frame of Eddie Munson.

"You know for a fact that lyricism is poetic, so I'm not even going to dignify that excuse with any further arguments," Eddie says. His smile is wide enough to indicate that he knows he's won. He knows he's got you.

Suddenly his big hands are gripping your wrists and pulling your hands to rest on his chest.

"Help me. Do you need me to beg? I'll beg, sweetheart, I have no dignity," he moans playfully. All of your nerve endings alight at the sound and your imagination immediately runs wild at the thought of what else he could moan with those pretty lips. You squash those thoughts as quickly as you can and nod in the process of dislodging the inappropriate thoughts in your head, which Eddie takes as an affirmative to his begging. "You'll do it?! You're fucking perfect, you know that?"

Before you can correct his misunderstanding, Eddie kisses you hard on the cheek. The motion is wet and smacking and it shakes you to your very core. His hand cradles you at your waist and for a second your bodies are pressed flush together. Your entire being vibrates at the feeling of Eddie Munson against you and it seems like time stands still.

But then he's pulling away, taking his warmth and his steadiness with him.

"You won't regret this, sweetheart. We're going to make the best team ever, just you wait!"

And with that, Eddie bounds off in the direction of the music building, leaving you with only a foggy comprehension of what you've supposedly just agreed to and with the memory of the feeling of his body against yours.

What have you gotten yourself into.

~*~

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Just adding space so Tumblr can delete this if it wants to instead of the actual writing lol

[lia404]

Get to know me better game—2 in 1 because I'm 6 months late

Tagged by: @baratrongirl and @missmewachu

Thanks for being so patient while I was figuring out how Tumblr works again and why I had a blue dot beside "Activity" (as in, notifications about tag games I've been sent 6 months ago. Better late than never 🤦‍♀️) Thankfully the tag games you sent my way are very similar so it won't be hard to do 2 in 1!

Last song I listened to: Chipzel - Courtesy - YouTube

The 1st track of Super Hexagon, composed by Chipzel. Chipzel's music has been a pick-me-up since 201...4 I think? And since I fell back into Super Hexagon around a week ago, the music has also found its way back into my work playlist.

Currently reading: Trick question! There is what I am MEANT to read, and what I am ACTUALLY reading.

What I am MEANT to read is To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose, which has absolutely all the elements I need to love a book. The problem is that my brain absolutely refuses moving further than Chapter 1, and I've been stuck for MONTHS. The good news is that when it happens, I usually struggle until the moment my brain finally snaps and I read the whole book in an afternoon. Wait for me, Moniquill Blackgoose, I'll soon be raving about your book.

What I am ACTUALLY reading is... well, it's more re-reading, but I'm going through Happy Hour by Inkflavored and Keep the Light Shining by Clydeside, two Yu-Gi-Oh AUs that have been incredibly healing for me in the past months, for very different reasons. I wanted to re-experience them to see if I could turn them into fanbinding projects (if the authors give me the authorisation of course, but I haven't reached this level of confidence yet, let's give it time.)

Currently watching: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS.

Do you believe me if I tell you that it was an accident? It kinda was though! I wasn't the one who played the first episodes I just kept going afterwards. That said, I have fully adopted Yusaku. I kind of wish he could meet Philip from Kamen Rider W. Things would go so well.

Currently writing: this one is plain cruel, because after a drought spell of almost 2 years, I finally feel like getting back into writing (thank you, current obsession.)

I have 3 WIPs, one PWP because I like a challenge, one backstory of a character that has basically become my OC, and one AU that @wisyhana created and that I'm using as a wonderful sandbox. I am between 2k and 5k into each, nothing is complete, I'm losing my mind. But at least I'm writing again, right?

Spicy/sweet/savoury: Okay yes no it's cruel again and you will not make me pick just one.

If you've followed me these past years you know that I have completely lost my sense of taste between 2020 and 2023. I was lucky enough, and honestly even the specialised doctor said it was a miracle, to have most of it come back to me abruptly in March 2023, after 3 years unable to enjoy a bit of chocolate or a nice gratin. Some tastes are lost forever, but so few compared to what came back that I just can only be very very grateful and very confident in saying SPICY SWEET SAVOURY I'LL TAKE THEM ALL. I LOVE TASTES. ALL OF THEM.

Relationship status: I have been told polyamory looks good on me.

And I am lucky to have the most patient and tolerant lovers ever. EVER. I love them so much and I'm so bad at showing it because I am a mess. There isn't a day where my heart doesn't overflow with gratitude that they are in my life and agree to putting up with my bullshit.

Current obsession: Listen, Mew put it SO ELOQUENTLY I can help but quote:

mentally ill traumatised japanese teenagers and their ancient egyptian guys who hang out in their jewellery all playing card games.

So, yeah, current obsession is Yu-Gi-Oh!, and with it Duel Links, and everything children-card-game-adjacent. I am currently trying to figure out why everyone in this kid's show is so hot and delightfully traumatised. Characters after my own heart, all ready to be projected on and used for cathartic writing purposes. Other obsession is MEW'S FAULT TOO ACTUALLY since it's my newly founded Clan in Flight Rising. Ask me about my dragon Atem.

Favourite colour: I like my colour like my wine—burgundy. (I actually like all sort of shades of purple, violet and red, but I don't know how to list them.)

Tagging: Wow uh who do I know around here who is still active?

@twilightknight17 for sure (although I'm sure you already did it), @wingsonghalo maybe? Uuuh, I think @the-wanderer-of-thoughts and @istadris? You know, considering how inactive I am here, I think it's already a lot, but if you're not in the list and want to do it too, be my guest!

[friend-of-a-cat]

--- Monthly Music Recs - May 2024 ---

Medic: A Doll - STEAKA

Got this idea from @high-lagaard, so thank you! My music taste is pretty broad so I feel like each rec list is going to be very varied lmao.

This month I've been listening to a lot of Nothing But Thieves (I also went to a concert of theirs at the start of this month) - mostly songs from their more recent album (Dead Club City) as I hadn't listened to much of it prior (I'm was more familiar with their older stuff). My favourites from that one are Welcome to the DCC, Pop The Balloon, Oh No :: He Said What? (I lost my mind when they played it live lol) and Time :: Fate :: Karma :: God.

A new Fox Stevenson single came out recently (Sorry), and I've been listening to it almost every day since it came out. I'm in love with the switch-up at the end. It also feels like it could easily transition into another track, which makes me think it might be part of an album in the future (I'm hoping so, at least).

I've been obsessed with Medicine by Sasuke Haraguchi and will continue to listen to it on repeat. It's just so catchy. I also adore this cover and this cover.

Parry by Miyamori Bungaku is also a huge banger. I'm a massive fan of electro swing.

Heat Abnormal by Iyowa has also been on repeat because I heard the Project Sekai version and fell in love with both it and the original (also this cover, this cover and this cover).

Medic: A Doll by STEAKA is so, so, so good and I've been obsessed with it for well over a month at this point lol.

I've also been listening to a lot of King Gizzard as per usual, mostly Witchcraft and Gila Monster (the music vid for the latter is so stupid and they know it and I love it).

Autre Temps by Alcest is also insanely good and I highly recommend both it and the band. Lots of shoegaze mixed with metal (dubbed 'blackgaze'). This song in particular is just very chill and magical.

The entire BlazBlue: Central Fiction soundtrack has been blessing my ears once again. I've literally only played the game a couple of times lol but the soundtrack is just so good. Bullet Dance II, Rebellion II, Lust SIN II, Gluttony Fang II and Oriental Flower II are especially good.

Lastly (I mean, there are so many songs I could recommend, but I'll stop after this lol), I've been listening to so much Polkadot Stingray, which is something I always do. I definitely recommend Free, Kenshin (probably my fav song of theirs), Denkousekka and Blue.

[captainhunnicutt]

Tagged by @pomegranate and @mashbrainrot: 6 albums I’ve been listening to a lot lately! Plus one track from each that I’m especially fond of:

1). Kevin Devine - "Put Your Ghost to Rest"

For a number of years, I went up and down the east coast following Kevin - in a completely normal and sane way. Seriously. He became a fast friend and still is to this day. When he released his second full length album, that's when I financially had the resources to start travelling to see his shows. This album was his fourth release, and I was lucky enough to see him on release day. The song "Just Stay"... it made me cry the first time I heard it. "She said it's pretty, but you hate yourself, I can hear it clear as day. I said I sing like this, it sounds worse than it is... I'm okay, okay?" When I heard those lyrics, I just lost it - for him. He's such a good soul and deserves so much good. There was a period of about five years where I didn't see him, and when I finally was able to see him again, the hug he gave me before his set said so much. When he got up on stage that night, he said something like "I'm changing the setlist on a whim. Someone is here tonight who I didn't expect to see, and I know she loves this song. This is for her," and he played this.

2.) Eisley - "The Valley"

During the height of the Long Island emo scene, Jesse Lacey shoved Eisley down everyone's throats. It's the only good thing he ever did (dude ended up being the biggest piece of shit ever), besides legitimately pushing a guy off of of me at a party. The guy was being a real fucking nightmare and Jesse came in swinging, and honestly I appreciated it. Anyway. Eisley. They are hauntingly beautiful. The first time I played an Eisley song for Robby, his response was "I feel like crying," and to this day I don't know if that was a compliment or not.

3.) Manchester Orchestra - "Where Have You Been?"

The best tour I ever followed was Brand New, Kevin Devine and Manchester Orchestra. I went to 7 shows on that tour, and every night was a like a g'damn religious experience. Don't listen to people who try to shoot it down, follow the band. Spend the money. Travel from one end of the country to the other just to see your favorite bands play live. You won't regret it. "Where Have You Been," was one of the songs where Brand New, Kevin and Manchester all played together on stage. When the yelling "GOD MY GOD MY GOD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" starts, you could hear a pin drop. I have goosebumps thinking about it.

4.) Death Cab for Cutie - "Narrow Stairs"

No big thoughts on this one. I just really love anything Death Cab, and this one has been getting played most recently. "Plans" is a close second. That opening bassline of "I Will Possess Your Heart?" Seriously? Perfection.

5.) Kings of Leon - "Come Around Sundown"

I'm sorry. My music taste seems to have frozen to anything before 2010. I think because there's so many good memories tied directly to musicians, bands and songs. I remember when this album dropped. I remember it leaking and my community of friends all losing our g'damn minds. A lot of KoL songs found their way into "The Blacklist," which was a great show too.

6.) Incubus - "Morning View"

Incubus has been this strange constant since I was a teenager. My sophomore year boyfriend introduced me to them as we got high in his basement. Very cliche. They were also the first band I ever followed on tour, and are all very sweet and down to earth guys. They are about to release a reimagined version of this album, and... I have mixed feelings about what I've heard. The original is far superior.

Tagging @bardengarde, @kejfeblintz, @valenshawke, @veryliteralsin, @lynnsthoughts, @angelt0rres and anyone else that wants to do it, I guess.

[bronanlynch]

trying to get back into writing weekly roundup posts inspired by @/girlfriendofthegalaxy's tuesday again no problem series so here goes (disclaimer that these are not recommendations, as a rule I don't like recommending things to people because taste is so subjective and also because I enjoy doing analysis on things that are not good)

listening (podcast): making my way through the Gundam Wing episodes of Great Gundam Project. love to hear queer leftists talk about Gundam. it's fun to listen to now that I know more about Gundam, because when I watched Wing myself I knew literally nothing, and it's cool to get extra context but also cool to hear that some of my initial analysis still holds up. has the (un?)fortunate side effect of constantly making me wish I were watching Gundam

also obligatory shout out to Media Club Plus, a Hunter x Hunter rewatch podcast just started by some of the Friends at the Table folks, which I'm also enjoying a lot (this *is* a recommendation. please listen to Media Club Plus)

listening (music): so turns out I mostly listen to music when I'm driving these days, and right now the cd in my car's cd player is Avril Lavigne's Let Go, which is causing me to think a lot about a world in which Fire Emblem 3 Houses was an anime and there could be a sylvix+dimilix amv set to Complicated. also I've been fondly remembering that one wangxian sk8er boi amv that makes me cry every time I watch it

reading: recently finished The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon. lots of divine-mechanical body horror and also a big win for fans of body sharing. very tasty, lots to chew on. I think I would have more to say about this one if I'd read it more quickly, but it was the book that I read a chapter or two every night before bed because that's a load-bearing part of my routine, and I think that meant that I sometimes lost track of some of the plot threads and shifting allegiances & motivations

currently reading The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang, which I'm not far into but it's fun so far, and. sighs. Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo. unfortunately because I couldn't remember exactly what happened in the books to properly compare it to the second season of Shadow & Bone I committed to rereading the whole series and, well, this could be compelling political intrigue except that's not where the focus is (it feels like there's a lot of words wasted on reiterating who the main characters are but not in particularly interesting ways or ways that show them changing very much, at least so far) so it's just simply not compelling to me

watching: rewatching Hunter x Hunter (2011) along with the Media Club Plus coverage. only on episode 6 so far but man what a good show

with my roommate, we've been slowly making our way through Elementary, because it's good to have on in the background while working on other things, and I do enjoy a competently written mystery. we also watched. uh. the Bionicle movies. those sure are movies that exist to sell toys to children. like, there's stuff in there that could be really interesting. as a kid I probably would've been obsessed. I'm glad I've seen them. they're not ""good movies""

now, this past weekend, instead of making any progress in any of the shows I was already watching, or fic I was writing, or anything like that, I saw a tumblr post that made a very compelling argument for spending the entire weekend watching all 16 episodes of 2021 k-drama The Devil Judge. this is a show for people who watched Tiger & Bunny and wanted Yuri (you know, everyone's favorite T&B side character, the guy who's a vigilante murderer and also a judge and also very sad) to be the main character (it's me. I wanted that.) anyway. this one's gonna be rattling around in my brain for a while. it's a dystopian legal drama with a significant helping of the gothic (gothic is here defined as when you're forced by circumstance to stay at the mysterious big house of an older wealthy man with secrets). it's about, among other things, corporate greed, the rise of fascism, systemic judicial inequality, the self-destructive catharsis of revenge, whether justice is possible in an unjust society, and having an intense homoerotic bond with your hot morally dubious coworker

oh yeah I'm also keeping up with the Ahsoka show because I was cursed at birth to care about Star Wars. I wish I liked it because I love Ahsoka and Sabine as characters but it's just simply not a well-made television show. really suffers from over-reliance on their Volume soundstage and various other issues that seem to stem from uninspired direction, but I've been especially disappointed with so many of the blocking choices

playing: finally getting back into playing Ace Attorney 5, which I paused literally three months ago and didn't pick up again until this week. there are parts of the game I've enjoyed (Athena is a cool character even if I dislike her mood matrix thing both mechanically and thematically; the mock trial conceit of 5-3 is fun; I like Blackquill & his bird) but other parts I do not enjoy (the transphobia oh my god I hoped I was free after getting past the homophobia & transmisogyny in 5-2 and then got hit with whatever the fuck they were doing with Robin in 5-3 please Ace Attorney be normal about trans people I am begging you)

making: we recently got B. Dylan Hollis's cookbook Baking Yesteryear, and made some maple-squash gems from the 1920s. not too much to say about these, they're nice muffins, tasty, not too hard to make. I think I would probably double the amount of cinnamon next time though

drinking: it's nog season which means it's time for the return of one of my favorite seasonal mixed drinks: eggnog (pumpkin, since that felt the Most seasonal) with a splash of Kraken spiced rum

writing: picking away at editing my t4t yurivain fic that was originally meant to be for Fire Emblem Trans Week, which was like a month and a half ago now. it's fine. everything is fine. anyway here's some lines:

“This feels like a test,” said Sylvain. “Is that your subtle way of telling me that I have to order our next round?” “Depends,” Yuri said, suppressing a laugh at the expression on Sylvain’s face, like he’d forgotten an answer during an exam. “What would you order for me?”

[neonwizardheehee]

tysm for the tag @his-mochi-cheeks your list is such a nice and groovy vibe, I enjoyed it a lot (also hiiii we haven't talked in a while I've missed ya hahahah XD)

rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks 🎵🎶♥️

be prepared mine will prob be a lot of 80s bc I've been a having a thing with them since NYE XP

Miss Me - Culture Club somehow I really like listening to this one esp in the mornings

Human Zoo - Boy George/Culture Club this is such a hopeful song! we're all able to find love one day <3

The Dive - Culture Club it's such a wonderful melody and the sea vibes <3

Antmusic - Adam and the Ants THIS ONE SLAPS SO HARD OKAY!!! it's so funky!!! the janky singing!! the lyrics with So unplug the jukebox and do us all a favour, that music's lost its taste so try another flavour, Antmusic!

Prince Charming - Adam and the Ants another whacky singing EPIC DRUMS and more nice lyrics ridicule is nothing to be scared of

Chilly Down - David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth - I LOVE the weird background singing!! right up my alley hehehe (altho I wish I'd know what they are singing hahaha)

Our House - Madness lovely music and singing about family shenanigans one can relate to <3 Somehow I love the fact they just wrote this everyday topic song instead of a love song or smth :3 also saxophone hehehe

Stand and Deliver - Adam and the Ants I love this a loooot!! the fashion! the whacky singing again!! also drrrrrums!!! pirates!!! and the lyrics: I'm the dandy highwayman who you're too scared to mention I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention The devil take your stereo and your record collection (oh-oh) The way you look you'll qualify for next year's old age pension Stand and deliver your money or your life Try and use a mirror no bullet or a knife I'm the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion

Krone der Schöpfung - Die Prinzen okay that one is a surprise but yeah the song slaps imo B) it's about how humans think they are better beings than everything else :3

Sold - Boy George OH BOI YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS that one drives me insaaane in a good way! it's so big and grim and oh BOI the similarities to 'Fame' are PEAK with his voice for me. also the "being sold" part can somehow be applied to so many things and situations

So there you have it XDD 10 80s songs I'm going insane over rn - also I checked 9/30 song in my 'on repeat' are not from the 80s.... we could've had some My Chem or mcyt stuff XDD

Tagging some ppl if you're up for it (u obv don't have to uwu) - oh man i love checking out music and talking about new finds :3 @darksidelightside @the-only-hope-for-me-is-coffee @isadora-greenhall @fearforthestorm @maschinen-mensch @sarahbordelonsblog

[brettyimages]

January Record Review below

Elastica - Elastica - 10 Of course it's a 10. If I loved it less I could talk about it more. Highs: Vaseline is my favourite but so is 3/4s of the album. Lows: It's all great but these ones are less great than the others: S.O.F.T and Never Here (the long ones), Blue, and Indian Song (the only one I can't play on guitar/bass)

Summer 2019 mixtape - 10 I made this to listen to on my little Walkman at work and it's full of bangers. Side 1 is upbeat and mostly Britpop and late 80s alt, and Side 2 is all dreampop and hazy ballads. It's a masterpiece, honestly, and the fact I am still saying it's a 10 in 2023 says something about my tastes not changing, I suppose. Highs: I included a few of my favourite Suede tracks: Introducing The Band to start, Lazy on side 1, and The Living Dead and The Asphalt World (although it cuts off mid-solo) to finish. Also Fade Into You and Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby are back to back on the dreampop side. Lows: I went with Spastica by Elastica which is by no means bad but I should have cut off Justin's silly intro bit.

New Order - (the best of) NewOrder - 9 I love New Order as a singles band and I listened to this a lot this time last year. Everything here is great, even perfect, to me. Highs: I cannot stress enough how much I love Blue Monday (the 1988 mix appears here) Lows: Ruined In A Day doesn't match up to the others

The Smiths - Hatful of Hollow - 9 This was donated to the charity shop I worked in, the 10" double vinyl pressing, with white-tack stuck in the grooves. I've rehabilitated it and now it's one of my favourites. Highs: 10/16 of these songs are perfect pop records: William It Was Really Nothing, What Difference Does It Make?, This Charming Man, How Soon Is Now?, Still Ill, Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now, Hand In Glove, Girl Afraid, Reel Around The Fountain and Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want Lows: the slower ones were less engaging: This Night Has Opened My Eyes, You've Got Everything Now and Back To The Old House

Suede - Bloodsports - 9 This is an album of two halves and I find the last four tracks a bit slow compared to the first six but it has two of my favourite Suede songs on so still, 9/10 thanks for coming back babies Highlights: Barriers is one of my favourite post-reunion songs that they never play (🙁) and For The Strangers makes me feel invincible Lowlights: the last four songs slow things waaay down and I don't love Snowblind either but I think they're all still great songs

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood - Nancy & Lee - 8 I love this album, it's magical to me. It was top of my wishlist and then one day I went down into the basement of the charity shop I worked at and there it was, an original vinyl copy donated and left on a stool. She's so special 💖 Highs: both Summer Wine and Some Velvet Morning are among my all-time fave songs, they're cult classics I know but they deserve it. Honorable mention to Jackson too. Lows: there's nothing bad on here but my least faves are You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin', Elusive Dreams, Storybook Children and I've Been Down So Long (It Looks Like Up To Me).

Depeche Mode - Music For The Masses - 8 I love Depeche Mode and this is from their great period, but my CD is a thrifted 80s pressing where they tacked on some b-sides and remixes which lets down the overall quality. Highs: almost the entirety of the standard album - I think Never Let Me Down Again, The Things You Said, Strangelove, Sacred, Behind The Wheel, I Want You Now and Nothing are all perfect records Lows: Agent Orange and the To Have And To Hold Spanish Taster are not worthy of being here

7"s 2486 - 2490 - 8 All Depeche Mode singles, acquired via eBay in the era when I was deep in my DM obsession. 2486. Everything Counts (Live) 2487. Personal Jesus 2488. World In My Eyes 2489. I Feel You 2490. John The Revelator/Lilian remix picture disc Highs: Personal Jesus, World In My Eyes, I Feel You and One Caress all perfect songs. Lows: John The Revelator (UNKLE Dub) - the remix does nothing for me and bears no resemblance to the album track, which I do like

Good Charlotte - The Young & The Hopeless - 8 This album was essential for me growing up, they were the first 'proper' rock band I got into as a 10 year old and my brother and I played this album constantly. Highs: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Wondering, The Story of My Old Man, My Bloody Valentine, Riot Girl Lows: Hold On and Emotionless (the ballads) and the intro, good but not as great as the rest

Suede - The Blue Hour - 8 The album that hooked me in as a Suedegirl and I've rated it based on the average rating of the individual songs, which is why it's only an 8. It should probably be a 9 because it's one of those that needs to be looked at as a whole piece rather than a collection of songs, sorry I have been so unfair to you TBH I love you. Highlights: Tides!!!! I love her! Especially live, the build-up of that song is incredible. Lows: There are none, really - I considered ranking Dead Bird lower but then Brett's grunt as he shovels dirt got me.

Lily Allen - Alright, Still... - 7 I got this in the supermarket when it came out and I listened to it quite a lot despite being a certified emo girl. It's still really good. Highs: Smile, Knock Em Out, LDN and Friday Night are my faves. Lows: none, the rest are all good songs!

Elvis Presley - Elvis' Golden Records - 7 Elvis is obviously an icon with loads of great records. This is a repress of an old compilation that my dad had in his collection, with early hits. Highlights: Hound Dog and Jailhouse Rock, naturally Lowlights: the ballads, there's 5 on here

#148 - January 2015 pt. 2 - 7 First off can I just say I don't know how some of these songs managed to be relegated to pt. 2 of my monthly mix CD series because some of my favourite songs of all time are on here!!! Pt 1 is probably what I was listening to a lot at the time but didn't make a lasting impression. Highs: Animal Nitrate is on here!!! And so is Angels of Porn by Nicole Dollanganger which is also a perfect record. But the absolute number one, possibly my favourite song ever which I didn't appreciate at the time, Menswear by the 1975. Lows: the set opens with Nightcrawler by Kids In Glass Houses who I was listening to a lot at this time but it's not one of their hits.

Elastica - Weekend Swingers - 6 This was the first Elastica bootleg I bought on eBay and it's a good one, with a full 1994 festival set, 2 Peel Sessions and a couple of demos on the end. Rarely is a live version ever as good as the album though and bless Justine but her stage banter is always cringe. Highs: the demo of Vaseline is great and also the live version of Hold Me Now that they play here is also important - the guitars are played at double speed and there's an Ants-esque Burundi beat to the drums which I wish they'd kept for the album! Lows: there's none - it's a good set.

Elastica - Glastonbury Festival 25 June 1995 - 6 Another eBay bootleg, this time of their Glasto set. Again, it's all good but nothing special. Highs: Stutter Lows: n/a

#116 - 6 A mix CD that's largely devoid of theme; just me backing up songs I had downloaded that I didn't have any other place for. Highs: Ghost Town by The Specials is the highlight of any mix CD, I think Lows: Sonic Boom Six's cover of Addicted To Bass. I love the original and this version doesn't add anything so I don't need it.

7"s 2581-2585 - 6 I bought these as part of a box of about 50 cheap singles from Discogs where I was just racking up a cart of everything I might like to reach the free shipping amount. Some of the choices are unhinged. 2581 - Piero Umiliani - Mah-Na Mah-Na 2582 - The Fun Boy Three - The Telephone Always Rings 2583 - Lene Lovich - Say When 2584 - Shaggy - Oh Carolina 2585 - The Supremes - Baby Love Highs: Baby Love is a perfect record, of course, but I also have a soft spot for Mah-Na Mah-Na purely for the chaos factor. Lows: none, actually - I expected to say goodbye to Lene Lovich but I warmed to the song. Same with FB3 but the b-side is cool.

#145 - November '14 - 6 This was a month of very mixed vibes, fuelled by The Blackout's Wolves EP tour - a mix of pop, nu metal and a lot of Die Antwoord. Highs: two Die Antwoord songs that I will still listen to - Rich Bitch and Orinoco Ninja Flow - plus Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit, Twisted Transistor by Korn, and Blank Space by Taylor Swift Lows: Limp Bizkit's cover of Faith is bad.

#102 - 6 This is another mix CD that's just me backing stuff up so not very well put together although it includes some EPs and punk themes I suppose. Highs: The entire Dear Boy EP - 5 perfect songs that make me feel like I'm home. Also R U Mine? and Road Runner. Lows: Angel With A Shotgun by The Cab sounds engineered for the credits of some YA action movie and I think people used to put it in their fandom playlists on here a lot so it just sounds like really annoying Tumblr to me.

The Housemartins - London 0, Hull 4 - 5 This is another that I feel I might have been unfair to because I quite liked it, it's just that the songs are all kind of the same. There's 2 vibes - the jangly indie tunes and the ballads that are grasping at soulfulness. All of the former are good, all of the latter are not for me. Highs: Happy Hour was a hit single for a reason Lows: Flag Day is the ballad that drones on the longest, they're trying to be ambitious but I didn't like it.

Hyro Da Hero - Birth, School, Work, Death - 5 I saw Hyro a few times when he was promoting this album because of his feature on The Blackout's record and his subsequent support slot on their tour. I was really into it at the time but it doesn't do anything for me now. I didn't actually buy it at the time (I ripped it to iTunes from a friend's CD) but I found it in an Oxfam music shop years later. It's going back into the charity shop circuit now though. Highlights: Grudge, Ghetto Ambiance, Section 8 and Beam Me Up Scotty are my keepers Lowlights: The World's Stage was my least favourite - I find his misogyny really gross.

Mix CD #8 - 5 I think this dates to about 2007, maybe even 2006, when I would download anything and everything that was popular on PureVolume or Kerrang TV. The 20 tracks are split between decent rock songs and average ones. Highlights: By The Way by Red Hot Chili Peppers and In Too Deep by Sum 41 - both music TV staples Lowlight: Sinking Ships by Only Innocent Die, which would have been OK as a normal length song but it was 7 and a half minutes long and I got very bored waiting for it to end.

Propaganda - A Secret Wish - 4 I bought this at one of those charity shops in the Central Belt where CDs are 10p each, on the basis of them being on ZTT. I didn't enjoy it though, unfortunately, and I've not kept it in my collection. Highs: Duel was the only song I liked Lows: none of the rest was *bad*, just dull

From First To Last -Heroine - 4 I loved the first FFTL album so I was excited that this one came out as I was getting into them, but I never really gelled with it in 2006 and I still don't, sadly. Highs: The Latest Plague is the only song that does it for me. Lows: the rest is average quality.

Pixies - Come On Pilgrim - 4 I inherited this from a family member who emigrated so I don't feel like I can get rid of it even though I didn't enjoy it much. It doesn't have any of the well-known Pixies songs on it, or even anything that feels like it could have been a single. Highs: The Holiday Song and I've Been Tired Lows: everything else was a bit boring.

Top of the Pops 2000 - Vol. 2 [disc 2] - 4 This was so much worse than I remembered! It's mostly UK garage and really dull house music with a bit of mainstream rock on the end. The pop music on disc 1 may save this from donation. Highs: All The Small Things by Blink-182 is the sole attempt at greatness Lows: I was really unimpressed by the opener - A New Beginning (Love II Infinity Mix) by Stephen Gately. I don't understand why they would put remixes on a pop hits compilation when the remix wasn't the hit version (there's a remix of The Bad Touch on here too). I also didn't like Masterblaster 2000 by DJ Luck & MC Neat, but the worst thing on here was Who Feels Love? which is Oasis having a go at psychedelic Beatles and it's fucking dogshit.

[rememberthatweoncelived]

Roblox TELLS THE FUTURE...

Roblox was a big part of my life when I was younger as it probably was for a lot of people born in the early 2000s. I'm entering my 20s in December and it feels weird to look back on Roblox knowing that it has unintentionally influenced my taste in games as well as coming back to haunt me later on in life.

EXHIBIT A:

Roblox High was great back in the old days (when I was a child terrorising people by giving them detention all the time) but there was one thing I always hated. The default club music that I now regret EVER hating since the copyright issue on Roblox. I played a little game in 2019/2020, YEARS after playing Roblox High. It was called Catherine and it's one of my favourite video games to date. I have a very vivid memory of entering one of the locations and a song called "Thus Spoke Brooks/Also Sprach Brooks" started playing. I turned that shit off straight away and lost it because it was the club music that I used to hate so much.

EXHIBIT B:

I used to be a massive fan of Royale High even before it was rebranded from Enchantix High. I grew up with Winx Club so it was kind of obvious that I'd love such a game. I remember in OG Royale High days when you would rush to get ready for the ball at 8pm and this absolutely beautiful track would play (although it was a song associated with the pressure and rush of getting ready for the ball for most people). It was called Gratia Mundi/Valse Di Fantastica. I think you know where I'm going with this. Once again, YEARS later, I would get into the Final Fantasy series and play Final Fantasy XV. I heard a song called Sunset Waltz which sounded eerily familiar and later heard Valse Di Fantastica again. I wouldn't recognise where I had heard it for the first time until I went looking for nostalgia and wanted to hear the OG Royale High soundtrack and everything clicked.

EXHIBIT C:

Flicker was a more recent favourite of mine as it was released in 2017 when I was the tender age of 11/12. I was really into social deduction games back then like werewolf, mafia etc. and Flicker was no exception to this. The music used to scare me because of how eerie it was and I remember the old lobby track clearly. Well these past few weeks (and the reason for me making this post), I've been playing Silent Hill 2. It's an incredible video game and probably my favourite horror game. There's a very famous song on the soundtrack called Promise (reprise) and I had heard it before I had played the game. It didn't click that it was in Flicker until I was trying to remember why the song sounded so familiar to me again while I was playing the game. I had randomly remembered that this song was in Flicker.

Moral of the story:

ROBLOX IS GOING TO PREDICT WHAT VIDEO GAMES YOU PLAY AND END UP FALLING IN LOVE WITH IN THE FUTURE.

[lizzygrantarchives]

The Sun, January 27, 2012

'When I write songs, I stand under the telephone wires and take in their energy'

The thrill of hearing a great album from a mysterious new artist for the first time is great daydream material.

You can drift off into a smoke-filled hotel room with a rock star crumpled in the corner, sobering up as an all-nighter comes to a close, delicate tinkering on a guitar distracting from the pain of a headache as yet another hangover says "hello".

Or you can picture a weeping female solo star scribbling melancholic lyrics over a love lost in heartbreaking circumstances, tears blotting the ink as they splash on the page.

I pictured Lana Del Rey writing her new album Born To Die in the biting cold of a New York winter, or on the road to the Hamptons.

I was wrong.

Lana says: "When the body is in motion the mind kind of follows. I like to write when I'm moving, when there's nothing getting in the way.

"The nice thing is a lot of the album was written before anything was happening, any deals or contracts. So a lot, I would say a third of it, was written in California.

"I had a car, so I was just driving from Santa Monica to Malibu thinking out loud.

"One of my best friends, Daniel — the string composer on some of the songs — is who I stay with in California.

"When he went to work, I would go down to the foot of the hill, underneath the telephone wires. When it's really hot, they're really electric and crackle. I would try to get energy from the wires."

It's a colourful, happy picture she paints. It explains a lot of the warm Hollywood imagery from the Video Games promo, which 20million people have viewed on YouTube.

"It's great driving music too," she explains in her hypnotic East Coast accent.

Born To Die, out on January 30, is a 12-track road trip millions of fans will be investing in over the coming weeks and months.

It's a beautiful collection of ballads and sophisticated pop songs, weaved together so well it requires you to listen to the album as a whole. It's the Holy Grail for artists — the much sought-after winning formula.

Lana, real name Lizzie Grant, has found it with the help of brilliant producer Justin Parker and some trusted musician pals.

A lot of people are taking notice, including Damon Albarn.

She said: "I spent a day with Damon. It was good. He saw me on Jools Holland. Damon and Bobby Womack had been watching the show together that night and called me the next day asking me if I'd come over.

"I just drove over and they just wanted me to freestyle, make up a chorus on a song. So I did.

"He's smart. I've taken notice of a lot of UK artists. I like Professor Green and Mark Ronson. Those two stand out."

There's a sense on the album that hip-hop beats have influenced the rhythm of some of her tracks. The lyrics on Radio are a nod to some of her teenage listening tastes.

She explains: "Eminem was the first hip-hop I listened to. He was the most innovative lyricist I had ever heard.

"I didn't really hear Biggie Smalls until I was 20. But again, that really influenced me.

"Listening to that music made me happy and I can write better when I'm happier."

Lana's live performances have been honed in the underground clubs of New York City and she has looked to Bob Dylan for inspiration during her long walks in the sticky heat of an East Coast summer.

She says: "He had clarity, such a way with words.

"I think when I'm writing the melodies they just sound bittersweet because I've found things to be a little bit difficult at times, but also beautiful.

"I just write while I'm walking and I'll take it to one of my producers and ask him to help me put chords underneath it.

"But sometimes too, like with the track Radio, Justin just held down long keys. Sometimes what I ask my producers to do is just hold down long extended, melancholic notes and I end up just freestyling over them.

"I keep everything pretty simple. It's funny, I'm a writer first and a singer second.

"We're really busy right now but I think I'm just going to settle down for a bit.

"Ideally what I'd like to do in a few months — or later on — is go back to the West Village in New York, have a residency there somewhere and just continue to do my work and stuff on the side."

And for all Lana's fans wondering whether to call her by her real name Lizzie if they stumble across her on her regular trips to the UK, here's the answer.

"I like them both, they feel really comfortable to me.

"Everyone I work with calls me Lana, but it feels like home, it feels like me.

"When my mother is in the same room as my manager and publicist, no one gets the feeling they're talking to a different person, it's just kind of how it goes. My dad calls me Lizzie but my mum just calls me Honey."

Apt really. Born To Die is the manuka honey of albums in 2012 — and here Lana reveals the inspiration behind six songs.

Video Games

It's a song about letting go of my musical ambitions and settling down into a simple life with a person I loved. We had a mutual love for the community of New York, art and hard work.

Born To Die

Born To Die best represented the mood and the energy of the entire album so I named the record after this track. I consider the record a homage to true love lost and a tribute to living life on the wild side. When I was young I was overwhelmed by thoughts of my own mortality, but I also found fleeting moments of happiness in the arms of my lover and friends. This track and the record are about these two worlds — death and love — coming together.

Carmen

Carmen is a song I can't say too much about because it's so close to my heart. It's the song on the record I relate to most closely. It's set partly in Coney Island, a place that's been important to me throughout my New York City career.

Radio

Radio is a song I wrote in the middle of making the record after Fearne Cotton started playing Video Games on Radio 1. I was grateful that the song being on the radio brought some old friends back into my life — especially one person. In the chorus of the song I sing "Now my life is sweet like cinnamon like a f****** dream I'm living in — baby loves me 'cause I'm playing on the radio. Lick me up and take me like a vitamin, 'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom, oh yeah."

Million Dollar Man

Million Dollar Man is my favourite song to sing live. It sounds best in New York City jazz clubs under a blue spot light. It's a song about a man who thought I was one of the most exotic things he had ever seen and me indulging in his appreciation and love. On the outside he was handsome and wholesome, but under wraps he was running an illegal electronic business which ended up taking him and his friends under, hence the chorus — "You look like a million dollar man, so why is my heart broke?"

National Anthem

It's another escapist song, revelling in the good times. I've been with this guy off and on for a long time, but we used to just drive from New York in his car up to the Hamptons. I remember thinking at the time it was just heaven. It's funny, all the songs are about the same thing — going away with the one you love and then coming back home. In having relationships, you're able to explore other sides of yourself.

Originally published on thesun.co.uk.

[spaceghostyons]

I've been listening to J Cole and Kendricks discography the past few days to refresh my memory etc. Few thoughts.

Cole improved a lot the past few albums as a lyricist. Between Born Sinner and KOD, I think he was trying to figure out how to make 'commercial music', so the sing songy stuff and more flow focus over lyricism, which lost me as I was a fan before he got signed when I saw the Who Dat video, he had a fire and raw energy and upon getting signed its like he was trying to figure out how to fit in the industry and make hit music. And I just felt Drake and Big Sean was doing that so much better. Then Kendrick did the conscious thing so much better so Cole was trying to figure out where he fit in and he even acknowledged that in recent tracks and this latest Kendrick diss (which was cool). But he's found his stride as of recent years.

The Off Season is really good, he's really spittin on there. Might be his best work so far? Cole said TPAB was boring. I listen to that album occasionally but I went back to it this morning. J Cole has never had an album as layered and cohesive as this. As well produced, written and musical. I can see how it can be boring to people that only listen to hiphop and r&b, but if you have any depth to your musical taste, TPAB is in the top 50 hiphop albums ever. There's nothing to compare it to in modern rap. It changed the game in the same ways every bonafide classic did before it and no hiphop album has since. J Cole knows he's been playing catch up and admits that. If 'bars' is what you're looking for, then I'd say Cole has definitely been giving us solid bars more consistently! He's also given general hiphop fans more vibes as of late, Cole can fit in on playlists with a lot of contemporary rappers moreso than Kendrick rn. He's been busier for sure bc again he's playing catch up. I just don't think Cole is as good an overall hiphop artist and songwriter as Kendrick. I've yet to hear a song as well written and iconic as 'Alright', or 'Money Trees' or Backseat Freestyle' or 'Swimming Pools', or emotionally resonant as 'Sing About Me' 'The Heart Part 5' or Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe, or just flat out vibes or bangers like 'Loyalty', Element, DNA, etc. I really just think people have recency bias, Kendrick went quiet a bit and didn't make any radio singles on his last project and went away from the industry in silent protest and some people forgot how impactful he was and how much of a game changer his art is. But that's hip-hop and social media age for ya. It's looking like Kendrick is going to remind people this year.

[casspurrjoybell-26]

Made of Steele - Chapter 23

*Warning: Adult Content*

"Happy 21st birthday, Jamie," my friends scream and throw their glasses filled with champagne into the air.

The DJ had started playing music and just like that, my friends and family started to come up to me and congratulate me, whilst they all asked how my trip had been to Europe.

As much as I wanted to avoid a birthday in the States this year, I'm somewhat thankful I won't be spending another birthday alone, after travelling for the past three years.

Three years ago... I felt lost.

I don't know if it was Kit and him leaving or my loss of purpose in the world but I just couldn't stay in one place anymore, I wanted to leave and experience something else other than what I felt at that time.

It's been three years and I've been to twelve countries in Europe and every single time I hopped from one place to another, I couldn't help but think of home and what I was leaving behind.

Just as my friends and some relatives congratulated me, I made a quiet exit through the sea of people that were currently inside the photo studio that my party was currently being thrown in, with my paintings on the walls.

I felt like I was suffocating, to see my work on the walls should make me happy,but if anything, I felt more alone than usual.

I made it outside the studio and into a staircase and once the doors closed behind me, I felt like I could breathe again.

I went into my back pocket and grabbed my cigarettes and when I was sure nobody followed me out there, I lit one up and then sat down on the steps of the stairs.

Once I inhaled the toxic fumes, a sense of calm washed over me and only then did I feel completely at peace.

This disgusting smell and the taste on my tongue... I didn't know what it was about or why I needed to do it just to get through the day but since leaving, I can't go a day without smoking one of these things.

The past three years have felt like a blur and within these three years, I've stuck to what makes me feel human and that would be art.

I travelled, I painted and sometimes, I would fuck strangers on these art pieces, that would probably go for thousands if I sold them.

There was something satisfying about ruining something I spent a lot of time and patience on, so satisfying that it had become somewhat of a need, for when I'm low.

Almost done with my smoke, someone opens the doors to the stairwell and makes me almost jump out of my skin, a part of me hoped that it wasn't my dad.

"There you are," my best friend, Hannah said, closing the door behind her.

Her face crinkles in disgust once she smells the smoke and notices what I was doing, as I currently put out the rest of my cigarette.

"Ugh," she gagged. "Jamie, it stinks,"

"It's not that bad," I rolled my eyes, getting up from the steps.

"Tell that to your dad," she huffed, making me snap my eyes towards hers.

"He's here?"

Hannah nodded her head, making me frown and move forward towards the door, to peek through the glass and look inside the studio.

I eventually spot him, he was alone and looking around the room.

No doubt, looking for me.

What was he doing here?

"He's just wanting to wish you a Happy Birthday," Hannah said, putting her hand on my back. "He misses you, you know... we all do."

I turned and looked at Hannah and saw that she had tears in her eyes and despite how badly I wanted to get away from this place, I always felt like shit when Hannah would call, text or cry and tell me how much she missed me.

"I missed you too."

I wrapped my arm around her and brought her into my chest as my free hand rested on the back of her long hair.

Hanna chuckled and hugged me back, then moments later they moved away from me, her nose crinkled with a smile on her lips, tears still in her eyes.

"Sorry, the smell is just too much," she said seriously, making me laugh and then shrug.

Well, there's no avoiding it, if I left now, he'd only track me down another way until he makes me see him.

"I'll catch up with you later," I lean forward and kiss her cheek, making her smile. "I'm going to see what he wants."

"No fighting, he is just here to see you," she says, as I sigh but nod my head anyway.

Hannah and I went back into the room and as I got further into the room, I saw just how much my dad didn't change, if anything, despite him almost being forty, he looked the same as he did when I left.

Only more annoying.

"Hey," I said, coming up to him, making him turn and look at me.

"Jamie," he smiled, almost relieved to see me standing in front of him and I don't know why but that made me nervous. "You look..." he looked me over, trying to find the words to my obvious attire. "Good," he eventually said. "Healthy."

"Thanks," I rolled my eyes, and awkwardly stood there, not knowing what to say. "Where's Allie, and Evan?" I ask, looking around and not seeing them anywhere.

"Around, somewhere," he frowns, looking around before his eyes focus back on me. "Happy birthday," he held out the envelope to me, with a small smile. "Now, I'm still just as bad as I always was with buying gifts for you, and since you're now twenty-one, I wanted this to be special."

I furrowed my brows at him then looked down at the envelope in my hands, taking a small moment to myself before I opened it up and took out what was inside.

Inside was a letter and at the top was my name and the name of a company I had never heard of, called 'Made of Steele'.

It had a nice ring to it but this meant nothing to me.

"What's this?" I ask him, holding up the piece of paper.

"It's yours," he said, coming to stand next to me to look at the paper in my hands. "I know how passionate you are about art and how talented you are," he pointed to an address on the paper. "Your mom and I found a great place, nothing flash, a decent part of town, with it's own studio and apartment, also a large room for a potential gallery if you wish."

I couldn't do anything but stare at the paper in my hands and go over just what he was talking about, every single word that was on the paper.

It's true, this... whatever this was, was completely one hundred percent mine and given to me by not only my dad but also my mom from her signature.

I knew what this was... this was their subtle way of trying to make me stick around and stay in the states so they could see me more.

Even so, it... it made me happy to know that after three years of ups and downs with my parents, they still tried and never gave up.

I was embarrassed by how I acted in the past but most of all, I felt pathetic.

"Thanks..." I rubbed my neck as my dad genuinely smiled at me. "It's very thoughtful."

We stood there for a few more moments and in those moments I enjoyed the silence, and just knowing he was there and that things were looking up.

I felt tired, more so than usual and as much as I wanted to keep moving and be anyone other than Jamie Steele but n the end, there was no denying who I was or what I had become.

This place... this opportunity... I'm thinking it might be good for me and that it's time I do something with myself.

I was ready to move on to the next chapter in my life and rebuild my future at home and relationships with family and friends.

With the people who cared about me most, maybe then... the feeling of loneliness will finally disappear, along with the past and all those painful memories.... of him.

[titoist]

many thanks to my friend @vetulicolia for having the consideration to tag me in this. i intuit that this game has the basal concept of something akin to, ah… "list 6 songs that are important to you" - or perhaps 6 songs that you have just been listening to, recently, regardless of importance. i figure that i will do a mishmash of both, and see what comes of it.

pilotredsun - vitamin kid (pilotredsun, pilotredsun, pilotredsun… pilotredsun is immensely important to me as an artist and a musician, but i would hardly call them a favorite - in the sense that one often wouldn't call fine wine their favorite drink. perhaps i see pilotredsun's work as something adjacent to music, but different enough to warrant distinction in its own right. Vitamin Kid, in specific, is…hm. i have listened to a lot of pilotredsun's discography, and while vitamin kid is perhaps not my strict favorite, it is quite important to me, as it was one of the first pilotredsun songs i ever heard, and is still immensely endearing to me in a nostalgic sort of way. relatively early pilotredsun is always a treat to look back on, the collected soundcloud works.)

They Might Be Giants - Stand On Your Own Head (i recently discovered a love for this this due to the recommendation of someone i know, and i am immensely grateful. i had listened to it in the past, passingly, but had never really sat down to give it a thorough review before, and i've found a love for it. it's definitely not my favorite off of Lincoln, but it is nonetheless a track i have recently been obsessed with - "i love the world, and if i have to sue for custody, i will sue for custody!")

casio dad - i'm ok with you (im unsure how to properly describe my feelings on casio dad - and, believe me, i have tried before. but my loquaciousness turns to mush under the benevolent gaze of classic j - the artist behind casio dad and the current…co-owner, i believe? of the band 'glass beach'. i like casio dad very much. it is possibly my favorite 'band' of all time. i think it sounds very good. if you listened to casio dad, that would make me happy.)

Seth Boyer - The Cremation of Sam McGee (this track is one that i…initially viewed my interest in as ephemeral, passing, a temporary obsession i would - despite my very sincere appreciation for it - eventually chew up and discard. however, as time passes, it has become gradually obvious, with increasing clarity, that it is turning into a personal favorite of mine. The Cremation of Sam McGee is, as a poem, among my favorites already - and this work translates it into a song with beautiful, beautiful execution, the vocals and backing banjo always stuck in the back of my head in some capacity. a nebulous dream i have is to, one day, do my own cover of this song with sufficient quality.)

Feed Me Jack - Jelly the Queen (feed me jack is a band i view with a degree of heavy nostalgia and melancholy. it was…mmm. i would be willing to say that my discovery of it served as an entry point, a gateway, to my modern taste in music - it got me hooked on math rock, for awhile! and i still do like math rock, but, wew….you shoulda seen me in 2017/2018. despite very probably being in my top favorite bands out there, it met an unceremonious end when they broke up…i believe in 2017? a deep sigh. that occasion is something i view as an immense tragedy, a lost opportunity. )

AJR - World's Smallest Violin (i am, quite (un)fortunately so, of an indie pop penchant. they have crucified me for this in the past, and i suspect they will do so again. i discovered this song a fair bit ago due to a friend of mine occasionally sending it, and it has endeared itself to me heavily - if only for the sound, the idiom of the song, rather than its messaging, which i find myself somewhat apathetic to. it is very overtly meant for those who have some level of disconnect between the acts of them and their ancestors, who ogle and gaze up at the illustrious portraits of patriarchs long-gone on their fireplace and think to themselves, "their deeds were strong, and mine are weak". well, i don't really feel that compulsion, both in the sense of feeling a detachment, and finding their actions to be immensely brave in comparison - i knew them personally, if only for a short while, and they were unhappy and deeply lonely people up until their death, even if their titles of judge or lawyer or business owner could make one think differently for a moment. i, to some extent, inherited their struggles. the song has the lyric "someone somewhere has it worse" - and, though i do not say this with self-deprecation or out of the urge of masturbatory sadness, within the purview of this songs' goal, i am that someone, somewhere, that has it worse. one could perhaps tie this to my previous post. anyway i'm using this as a space for my garrulous personal rumination again & just end it off with my saying that i think it's a good song.)

and i suppose that's that. who to tag…let me think. er…. @mdq, @icetrancer, and i figure that you might get a kick out of this, @liziveth. on top of that, i invite anyone who sees this and wants to do it, regardless of them necessarily being tagged. it's good fun. bows and exits the stage.

[janekfan]

I'm a little hesitant about this prompt, because it might need a longer story to fill it, but based on reading your fics it may be to your taste for h/c? I've seen a few Geraskier stories where Geralt is cursed to lose his sight and hearing, but I'd be interested to read one where it's Jaskier who's cursed instead. You seem to like exploring growth in stories, and I could see Geralt having to step outside his comfort zone, learning to help and support Jask while they try to break the curse.

I was inspired by this prompt because in my youth, when families go to water parks and things, my mother insisted on holding my glasses so I wouldn't lose them, not realizing I cannot see hardly ANYTHING without them, just colors. She left me like half a dozen times in a throng of people and it was scary. And even though I kept telling her I couldn't SEE HER, she wouldn't listen. I felt scared and stupid because I couldn't keep track of my family.

So I hope you enjoy :D

Thank you for the prompt! @obscurebookwyrm

Sankofa

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965268/chapters/63119659

“Geralt.”

“Hm.”

“I. What do you want me to say?” Jaskier’s grip on his lute tightened and he had to forcibly relax himself so as not to snap it in twain. “That you should have gotten hit with it instead? That you should be the one waiting for the effects of a curse to take hold so that I? The mighty bard can be the one to protect us both?”

“Hm.”

“Need I remind you that had you not pissed her off, we wouldn’t even be here?”

“Hm.”

“Fine. Leave me at the next village and I’ll just succumb to whatever this ends up being while you continue witchering or whatever.”

“Hm.” Roach picked up her pace and he could hear Jaskier curse Geralt’s stubbornness as he loped after them.

Geralt was angry. Angrier than usual with the musician and definitely not impressed with his self sacrifice because now, if anything, he would be an even bigger liability. It was bad enough he fumbled along behind him, constantly jabbering, writing the most ridiculous songs. But now, Geralt had to wait and see what would become of him now that he’d been hit with some unnamed affliction. Geralt refused to admit that Jaskier was right. That it was better that the stronger of them was curse free and able to continue on unimpaired.

But he was now an even larger inconvenience and Geralt hadn’t thought that was possible.

And yet.

As brave a face as he was putting on, he could smell the sour scent of anxiousness as Jaskier filled up the silence with more talk about inane things, stray lyrics, random observations, all because he was nervous.

Nothing happened yet. Maybe nothing would happen at all.

“Geralt.” Even and steady, Jaskier’s voice hovered somewhere to the left of him. There was something strange about the quality of it and it immediately set Geralt on edge.

“What?” He couldn’t help the exasperation, it had been a long few days, and he felt Jaskier tense beside him on his bed roll.

“There.” He paused and Geralt knew if he turned to look at him he’d be worrying his lip between his teeth.

“What?” They were late as it is, the sun three fingers above the horizon already.

“There are no stars.” His whispering was shaky and trembling. Fear. It was flooding Geralt’s sensitive nose. What was this lunatic on about? Of course there weren’t any stars.

“It’s late morning. Of course there aren’t.” He rolled his eyes and began packing up camp. They’d eat on the move to make up for lost time. He nudged Jaskier with the toe of his boot. “Get up. You’re wasting daylight.”

“Daylight.” His hand was hovering over his face and he kicked him a little harder.

“Yes. Daylight. Move or stay here, but I’m leaving.” Instead of following his directions, Jaskier swallowed a few times, blinking hard and staring at his palm in between. “Jaskier.” Growling, grabbing the collar of his chemise and slinging him to his feet himself, confused when his arms shot out for balance and he nearly fell. “What are you--are you drunk?” No. He’d smell it. But it was all becoming a little too clear and Geralt didn’t want to be the one to say it aloud.

“No.” A weak exhale, a disbelieving laugh. “I’m. I’m blind.”

Blind.

The curse.

“Are you sure?” Geralt was a hair's breadth away from his face, examining his eyes, blank and vacant and staring off into the distance despite their proximity. There was nothing wrong that he could tell. Still the same cornflower blue he was so familiar with.

“I think I’d know.” He scoffed.

“Then we’d better get moving.” Geralt couldn’t help it, the thread of anger twisting around his words just happened. All Jaskier seemed to do was slow him down and get in the way. “Find a way to break this thing.” It took the bard three times longer to pack his belongings and Geralt became more impatient every time he dropped something or stubbed his toe or lost his balance. He knew it wasn’t fair. But this was all the bard’s fault in the first place and he’d have to deal with the consequences.

Jaskier played his lute even more and was even slower, not yet sure on his feet without the advantage of sight. Geralt saw that he kept his ear canted towards Roach’s hooves crunching on the stones, using her as a guide and he wondered if maybe Jaskier should be riding her instead. The music he was picking out on his strings was simpler and felt more like practice than anything new and he realized that he was comforting himself with easy exercises and wondered how long he’d insist on doing it.

All day, it turned out, and Geralt was just about on his last nerve, turning his irritability into action by setting up camp and batting Jaskier out of his way, finally just sitting him in the dirt. He stoked up the fire, tossed down Jaskier’s bedroll and stalked off to find dinner and clear his head before he started yelling.

When he returned with a brace of rabbits, Jaskier was gone and Geralt swallowed down the spike of panic in his throat, dropping his catch and looking for signs of a struggle and instead finding odd marks that looked like Jaskier had crawled across the ground. And he found him, cowering amid Roach’s legs, a dangerous spot for probably anyone else, but she was as calm as ever, letting him stroke the length of her forelimb. There were drying tear tracks on his face.

“G’Geralt?” His voice was small and wavering, barely above his shaking breath.

“Who else would it be?”

“I didn’t know where you’d gone.” He didn’t leave the horse. “I, I called out. But. And then. There’s a lot of noises in the woods at night.” This laugh was self deprecating, as though he knew how ridiculous he was being, like a child hiding from shadows.

But his whole world was in shadow.

“You’ve camped before. It’s foolish to be afraid.”

“Y’yeah. Of course it is.” He extricated himself from his position beneath Roach, petting her neck, and Geralt let it be. “Thank you for your protection, good lady.” She lipped the collar of his doublet and he rested his cheek on her velvet nose for just a moment before stumbling back to his bedroll.

“Here.” Jaskier looked confused. “The rabbit. Dinner?”

“Oh, uh.” He reached out, drawing his hand quickly back when he burned the tips of his fingers and slipping them into his mouth for a second. “Ha, it’s hot.” Geralt yanked his wrist and pressed the stick he’d roasted the meat on against his palm and watched Jaskier’s fingers wrap around it reflexively.

“Just eat. We’ll figure this out tomorrow.”

They didn’t. Not the next day, nor the day after that, but Jaskier was trying to adjust more and more each day despite how he seemed to be withdrawing. It was easy to forget he was blind and Geralt was easily frustrated by his sense of direction, or rather the awful lack of it. More than once, he’d misjudged the path and toppled into the bushes. Twice, Geralt had come back from a hunt to find him trapped in the corner of their rented room. He’d gotten turned around and hadn’t been able to figure out how he was boxed in by the bed, the small table, a chair. Jaskier laughed it off.

He’d been upset each time.

At the market the next day, Geralt told him off handedly that he was heading to the blacksmith, and to catch up when he was ready, because usually he wanted to dither about at the stalls looking at some trinket or another. When he’d finally realized, tapping his foot and waiting for a blind man who didn’t know his way around this village to somehow find him, he followed his scent, laced with terror, to an alley where he’d pressed himself up tight to the wall, protecting his back. They didn’t speak, Geralt just grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to the room. Told him to stay there if he couldn’t figure out how to find his way around.

The hurt on his face cut like a blade.

“Get down and stay down.” Geralt shoved Jaskier’s face into the dirt, both of them narrowly avoiding decapitation when the beast attacked out of nowhere. Caught flat footed, Geralt found himself pinned to the ground, struggling under the weight of it and hooking his thumbs in the corners of its maw to keep the teeth from closing around his head. Fetid breath came closer and closer and he thought for a moment this might be it when the resounding crack of a tree limb colliding with the side of its skull stunned it enough for Geralt to kick it off him. He used the momentum to roll and draw his steel sword, cutting off its head with a wet and sickening squelch.

“Geralt?” Jaskier, covered in black ichor and mud, stood swaying in the road, clinging to a length of splintered wood, blind eyes wide with shock. And then, panting with horror, Jaskier fainted dead away.

He’d lost him again.

“Fuck.” Geralt didn’t know where or how long ago and began retracing his steps, scenting the air and picking up the faintest traces of the oils he’d used last night in the bath. It was tainted by the smell of fear, acrid and sharp, and he ran.

Saw Jaskier pinned up against a wall by a larger man than he, a broad, ugly hand clasped over his mouth and a knee between his thighs. He was struggling to breathe, high pitched whimpering slipped from behind his attacker’s palm and he grabbed a fistful of hair to slam the back of Jaskier’s head into the wall behind him.

The brute didn’t notice the knife slipped between his ribs until it was too late. He’d die in this place and Geralt wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it.

“Who--” He sobbed, choked. “Geralt?” Tears cascaded down his cheeks, slipped off his chin.

“Who was that?” Why couldn’t he be kind to Jaskier when he needed it most? Why did he let his own fear of the situation manifest as blame?

“He’d. Solicited me in the tavern and I told him no.” He shuddered. “I thought he might be following but.” He swallowed with a wet click. “You were walking so fast, I lost the sound of your steps.” Drawing a sharp intake of breath he swept a hand through his tousled hair, trying to calm himself down. Geralt could hear his heartbeat hammering madly away behind his breastbone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaskier flinched at his volume, hugging himself around his middle and casting his face to the ground, and if Geralt was a stronger man he would tell his bard that this was not his fault. That he was scared of what he almost let happen.

“I. You were angry.”

“What?” With the heel of his hand, Jaskier scrubbed at his face. His bruised face, the imprints from where he was held darkening around his mouth and neck.

“You said I needed to figure this out and. I.” Had been snatched off the street by a predator and very nearly badly hurt. “I forgot my dagger back at the inn.” He took a deep breath, and then another. “I’m sorry, that was. That was stupid.”

“Hm.” It wasn’t. He should have been safe with Geralt in broad daylight. This time he took his hand, laced their fingers together and squeezed. “Let’s go.”

Exhausted from his earlier panic, Jaskier could barely stand when they reached the room, and Geralt helped him the last few steps to the bed, divesting him of doublet and chemise to expose even more bruising. He should have killed the guy slower. Much slower.

“Sorry. I’m sorry you have to do this.” Barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have. This curse.”

“Hush.” Geralt wrung out a cloth in the wash basin, touched it to his face and caught him when he jerked away in fear and surprise. “It’s alright. Just me. I’m going to get you cleaned up, Jaskier.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Muttering, he reached for the flannel.

“I know. Just. Relax, alright?” He swept it up his arm, lingered at the space between his neck and shoulder. “I’ve got you. I’m. Going to do better, Jaskier.”

“What do you mean?” This time, he allowed the touch and Geralt dabbed at a cut on his lip before rinsing and wringing again.

“You’ll ride Roach. In towns, I won’t let you out of my sight.” Jaskier was relaxing, blinking sleepily.

“You can’t babysit me all the time, Geralt.” Though he detected the hope that he wouldn’t have to keep doing this alone beneath his voice.

“No. But I can take care of you until we find a way to break this. Like I should have been doing from the start.” Jaskier’s head was nodding as he fought to stay awake. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Geralt let Jaskier sleep in. The man was dead to the world, bruises stark on his pale skin, and no doubt exhausted from the day before and trying to manage as a newly blind being basically traveling alone. They had to get moving. Maybe Yennefer would understand how to break this curse or at least point them in a direction. But they had to find her first.

“Jaskier.” There was no response, not even a twitch, and Geralt spoke his name louder, and louder still before shaking him awake and dodging his flying fist. “Jaskier!” Nothing but panic in his face and Geralt was tired of seeing that there. He settled his hands over his shoulders, cupped his neck on either side. “Jaskier, what is it? A bad dream?” That wasn’t uncommon after an experience like he’d had.

“Geralt?” His breathing picked up, tears lined his dark lashes. “I.” The witcher snapped his fingers on either side of his head and watched his stricken face stay the same. “Geralt?” This time he drew Jaskier into an embrace, hugging him tightly and allowing him to do the same.

Because he couldn’t hear.