#then i'm gonna HAVE TO take my burnout seriously

[builtintripping]

never forget...

read again?

no you did not see me repost this, shh

hemlo!! thank ya'll so so much for enjoying this lil comic series!! i know it's been a year since the first part, but most importantly i finished it 💀✨️

every single tags ya'll leave on me posts and past questions i recieve about this au is super appreciated, they make me smile the widest you have no clue!! im just a lil mad at myself that i couldn't expand on this au more so yall could have had more crumbs. irl stuff happened + still getting the hang of drawing and socializing again after years of doing neither of those 😭

but still, im glad i could share this comfort comic i made for myself, and for you guys too. it's a pretty personal one despite the characters not being mine 😅 i hope that you can walk away from this story believing (entirely or not) that someone out there still thinks of you, whether they're from a late/absent loved one who still wants the best for you or a dear friend who will make room in their hearts for you. life will never not be hard, but if you keep them close to your heart, adulting will be bearable 🫂

thank you so much for reading 💕

[loverdude]

I'm just trying 2 do my homework but I'm like having a crisis about my art T_T

[nei-ning]

Gonna rant a bit. I saw one set of beautiful anthro arts on another website. Sadly they were done in AI. I did left a comment, complimenting how beautiful these arts were but how sad it made me that they were AI arts.

The artist themselves was kind and polite, telling they use AI because they want to learn and be able to make game arts one day (but they too, apparently, with AI so...)

But then there was another user, AI "artist" too who replied to me that there's absolutely NO ARTIST who can draw anthros with detailed fur, goat like arm, lights, colors etc without editing or photoshopping. On the whole planet, absolutely none! This person clearly don't believe in people's skills when it comes on arts. Heck, I followed one artist on DA who drew ALL her arts traditionally and she drew, and still does, SUPER DETAILED FURRY ANTHROS! No photoshop, editing, nothing digital. Just her hands, paper and a set of color pencils.

Also, if people's art skills wouldn't had been amazing back in the days through mankind, we wouldn't have cave paintings, old amazing paintings or sculptures, ALL DONE BY HANDS IN TRADITIONAL WAY. NO AI, NO PHOTOSHOP OR EDITING.

Humans can learn amazing skills if they only want to. AI artists, maybe not all, just wants to take the easiest way / be lazy (and get lots of likes - like that other person who straight forward said it. That he uses AI to create furry arts to get hundreds of likes).

They also mocked my style / arts, saying they are not good enough to be used in AI arts - yet.

Like what the actual fuck?! I am pissed! I don't even want my arts to be used in AI arts by some lazy idiot (or at all). At least I draw EVERYTHING in my arts, from first sketch line to the last shade / light. Surely my skills are not as good as they could be. After all I'm self-taught, not gone in art school like some have. Not to mention I draw for fun, I draw to bring joy to my watchers, I draw therapy arts to myself, I like to keep my style easy and simple. My arts are a hobby, not professional thing or to fish a lot of likes. If my arts can make someone's day a bit better, then I've done my job! I never haven't taken my arts or skills too seriously, trying to improve them to the top.

Is there times when I wish I would put more effort to my arts, learn and study more, becoming better? Absolutely! But do I bother? Not really. Like I said, this is a hobby. I know I would burnout myself if I would start to force and pressure myself to do better, to learn more, to improve my skills. I mean I struggle to draw even now!

I do have some saved tutorials on Pinterest what I would like to try, yes, but still not in a way like if I would have a fire under my ass.

[spearxwind]

Oof I'm kinda scared to ask... Why do you not want to be an artist professionally?

Its just like, incredibly miserable in my experience.

Everyone wants their dream job of being paid to draw whatever the hell they want but 99% of the time you are hired and tasked to draw things that you don't have a lot of interest in, professionally speaking, and constantly getting your artistic efforts undermined by the rest of the team (this is esp. true in the videogame industry) artists always try to push for better designs and get their takes watered down for the sake of general public pleasing. Also you don't have a security blanket unless you're under long term contract. Most freelancers live gig to gig with the fear of not being able to support themselves if they don't take a job to take a break. Videogame and movie jobs arent stable because companies never keep the art teams, they are laid off and rehired whenever there is a new project

During my major, I drew nonstop for 4 years for class. Not always things I enjoyed, but also not always things I didnt like. In fact I enjoyed my major immensely! It was so fun. But the burnout is very, very real, and the workload was similar (even inferior to) regular art jobs. What happens if you like to draw in your off time? You spend your days making and pumping out art nonstop for hours, and then on your free time breaks you draw some more? I personally couldn't do it. I just wanted to do other things

And like.... I spent the first three years being told by teachers (people with stable, contract based jobs) how cool of a job it is to do art, and then the last year getting grilled on how insanely hard it is to make it out there. If you don't have connections, money, an audience, a studio, it's actually impossible. You need to be your own lawyer, abide by the very strict self employment rules that take a severe chunk out of your earnings. Do all of your finance/schedule/marketing etc while on top of that constantly producing work (I know there's people who can do it but, personally, I cannot) I really admire the people who were able to build themselves up as artists from the ground like this (because its definitely possible, just insanely hard)

Also, making something you love into your job ends up being miserable too. I experienced this with patreon, which I posted to as like a chill thing and it just got increasingly hard to make content for it or just post in general, even drawing my own ocs and sharing stuff about them started to feel like a chore.

Maybe it's just me though, this has just been my personal experience but yeah in general I realized I am immensely happier just keeping art as a hobby or its gonna suck my soul out (Since I already experienced it)

I don't mean to discourage anyone, I think the world in general needs more artists. But for that we would need to actually be taken seriously and valued, which sadly we are not, at all. And if there's anyone reading that is considering art as a job: it is absolutely grueling. It's not an easy job. Even if you desperately love art it can suck the life out of you and the joy for what you do

(As an extra sidenote. Artists are usually exploited using this mentality as well. That they are supposed to love their job. So they expect you to work your wrists off "For the passion". Dont fall victim to it)

[finalmemes]

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS. [ 2 / 2 ] roleplay sentence starters of the 2011 film. feel free to edit according to scenario / pronouns. tw: violence, drugs, death, murder, horror, manipulation.

there's always next year.

they're like something from a nightmare.

no. they're something nightmares are from.

you get used to it.

should you?

a couple more minutes, who knows what might've happened?

dude, be thankful. those things are terrifying. and the cleanup on them is a nightmare.

yeah, well, they may be zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots, but they're our zombified, pain-worshipping, backwoods idiots.

i'd just like to see them fall on their asses, for once.

there's too much riding on this.

come on, like you wouldn't want a piece of that.

can we not talk about people in pieces any more tonight?

are you feeling lonely, [ name ]?

i never did buy that ring.

i have a theory about all this.

[ name ], do you wanna go lie down?

don't push me around.

you seriously believe nothing weird is going on?

[ name ]'s just drunk.

you're not seeing what you don't wanna see.

pop-tarts? did you say you have pop-tarts?

[ name ], i love you, but you're really high.

we are not who we are.

i'm gonna go read a book with pictures.

you speak latin?

weird how it all comes back.

well, it's a weird kind of night.

i'm sorry about tonight.

what are you running away for?

did i get a little beer on your shirt? i guess it'll have to come off, huh?

your basic human needs disgust me.

it's so dark. take me inside?

show us the goods.

you understand what's at stake, here?

[ name ], man, you gotta wake up. your shit is topsy-turvy.

i'm gonna go for a walk.

okay. i swear to fucking god, somebody is talking. or i'm pretty sure someone is.

what are you saying?

what do you want?

you think i'm a puppet, huh?

you think i'm a puppet. gonna do a little fucking puppet dance!

i'm the boss of my own brain, so give it up.

i thought there'd be stars.

we are abandoned.

jesus, what happened?

where are you hurt?

we've gotta get out of here.

i'm not leaving here without [ name ].

what is that thing?

we gotta lock this place down.

no matter what happens, we have to stay together.

watch the master work.

we should split up.

i'm on a reality tv show.

my parents are gonna think i'm such a burnout.

help me! help me!

this is where he killed them.

this is where he kills us.

let's just check the walls, okay?

you like pain? how's that work for you?

remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?

how old do you think i am?

the evil is defeated!

fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!

any word from downstairs?

you guys are humanity's last hope.

we're dark on the whole sector.

what the fuck do you think i'm doing?

look out! get out of the way! make a hole!

[ name ], what is going on?

we can't go back.

there's no way across.

what're we gonna do? jump?

i'll get help.

i'm coming back with cops and choppers.

he hit something.

[ name ] was right.

there's gotta be another road.

you're missing the point.

please, do not go nuts on me, okay, [ name ]? you're all i've got, now.

you're celebrating?

how can the ritual be complete?

it's so strange.

i'm actually rooting for this girl.

tequila is my lady! my lady!

you knuckleheads.

i'm just giving you a hard time.

turn the fucking music off.

that's impossible. everything was done within the guidelines.

[ name ], come on.

what is this place?

i had to dismember that guy with a trowel.

somebody sent those dead fucks up here to get us.

do we wanna go down?

where else are we gonna go?

they made us choose. they made us choose how we die.

take him out first.

how does that help us right now?

good work, zombie arm.

this should've gone differently.

i can only imagine your pain and confusion.

what's happening to you is part of something bigger.

you've seen horrible things. an army of nightmare creatures, but they are nothing compared to what came before.

this is part of a ritual.

they don't just want to see us killed. they want to see us punished.

we work with what we have.

the sun is coming up in eight minutes. if you live to see it, the world will end.

you can die with them … or you can die for them.

you have to be strong.

you feeling strong?

i'm so sorry i almost shot you.

i'm sorry i let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

giant evil gods. i wish i could've seen them.

that would have been a fun weekend.

[polarisbibliotheque]

About the time a guy was being creepy to me on a professional setting and my gut feeling told me "GET OUT NOW"

Ok, so hi! This post has to do with a reblog recently here in my blog, on one of my fics regarding Dante and Vergil with an s/o suffering from being hit on without their consent. I write Devil May Cry fanfiction and that was my way of coping with a CREEP being, well, a creep.

Who would've known, fanfic is therapeutical

My answer got so big, I decided to make a separate post about it - and I'm talking like this because, if this gets out the DMC sphere and other people read it, they'll understand the fandom talk a little bit. This is not just for the fandom, but everyone out there.

Including men. All of us are prone to being targets of creeps - even if I'll be telling about my experience as a woman, take this advice to your heart NO MATTER your gender.

When this episode happened in my life, I was 27 y/o, I think...? I got pushed into such a stupid corner by this guy who kept messaging me with "work related" stuff... And my family wasn't validating my "this is weird" feeling.

So... What happened?

(TW: I mention the words "rape" and "sexual abuse" but none of that has happened. It was a red flag and I want to talk about avoiding it like the plague and how people might dismiss your gut feeling when something is wrong. I write with brutal honesty, curse words and don't censor anything, because I'm here to tell people how it is not curating content to go viral on clean ~family friendly~ social media. This is honest advice I'd give someone else, so it's just a heads up. I'm a little jaded with all the censoring of "forbidden words" when you have to discuss serious subjects like this nowadays hahahaha)

First context, I'm a Lawyer. Hi. I know it doesn't sound like it Second context, I'm from Latin America. Hi again!

Well, in my country, we have to vote every couple of years for the National Lawyer Association President and Vice-President (for my USA people, it's like the BAR association for Lawyers - meaning only lawyers who have passed the BAR and are, indeed, full-fledged to the association and with a lawyer permit can vote). I hate it, but it is what it is, I have to vote every time for one of those posh speaking clowns or else.

This much older guy stopped me at the entrance to the voting building to do some political propaganda of one of the candidates. Expected. They weren't the ones I was gonna vote 'cause their agenda didn't fit what I wanted for the Association - nevertheless, I smiled and was polite. Guy wouldn't shut up, but that's a lawyer thing. Kept being polite, dismissed him kindly and went inside to vote.

As I came back, guy is there and stops me. I had called my mom to give me a ride home - by that time, I had been broke and without a job for 2 years up until that point, trying to get back into the ~lawyer business~ and recover from a very bad burnout, so paying a ride back home was a big no. I had my phone on my hand and kept chatting because, you know, networking. You never know.

Now, mind you. I'm about to celebrate my 30th birthday this year, but people seriously think I'm underage wherever I go. I have to literally show them my credentials and ID so they can believe a single word I say. This guy, must've been around his 50s or something - and I look like a teen or, at best, 20 years old. I graduated when I was 22, so that's the most he could've imagined I was.

As we're talking, dude is flexing his career so hard I start to do the same. He says he has known the President and influential people in politics (back then, far-right government, so red flag already waving in the horizon), he has an office both here and in New York and Miami, he has worked with the FBI (we're in Latin America, the USA stuff is a flex for far-right people). I say I have worked as the Labor Lawyer in a huge worldwide known multinational company, coordinated with people in the USA and UK, had around 100 cases to manage monthly and keep the company in order when the directors were not around.

Guy is impressed and asks for my contact on LinkedIn. I'm down for it, I'm looking for a job and he could be one hell of a way to get back on business. Dude mentions he's in digital law and, heck, I wanted so bad to get into digital law! It was like he was put in my way by the angels to help me get back on my feet!

He asks for my resumé and my cellphone number, so he can have me in his office to have a cup of coffee. I am soaring by now. "That's it!!" I think "That's my ticket back to being a lawyer, to having my own money, to breaking the cycle of unemployment and having my career back!" - so I do it! I give him my number!

hello, workaholic aunt here speaking, my career was everything to me, I'd do everything for it

After I got back home, told my mom everything, and everyone was so happy. That's when he started sending me messages - asking for my address so he could send me some lawyer magazines and such... Even though he had asked when we were talking before and I changed the subject. I didn't give him of course, but instead sent him my resumé.

So, next day he asks me about that coffee and I said we can make it happen... Even if he got my name wrong. I have a pretty exotic name in whatever country I go, so it's a common mistake, known to happen, no one can pronounce my name right if I don't teach them how to, so yeah. I'm willing to gloss over that.

I'm assuming he read my resumé, saw how smart, capable and hardworking I am, and wants to talk business. Wants to offer me a job. I'm super ready. I'm taking my business clothes out of the closet, I'm cleaning my high heel black boots, I'm checking my references and vocabulary so I don't screw up. Guy sends a message saying he wants to take me out for lunch.

Red flag. My instincts flare up and I'm just staring at the screen. I start reviewing everything. I mean... Business lunches are ok, right? I had lunches with my manager and director plenty of times back in the day and it never got weird. So... Why was I feeling weird now...?

Guy says we can go out for lunch and then back at his office so he can show me around. I was like "hmmm... ok? shouldn't be weird. this is normal." but nevertheless I went to check with my mom and my sister.

Both said it was fine. I was feeling weird because it's a guy and me and I shouldn't be feeling uneasy - it's my social anxiety/workplace trauma talking. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I shouldn't screw up.

I keep talking to him. I ask where we should meet up for this lunch and he tells me to give him my address, so he could pick me up and we can go to "a nice place to have lunch" (his words, not mine).

Red flags are dancing around my head. I keep thinking "have I lead him on something????" and going mad. What was I wearing? Only work clothes, that's all - suit pants, black high heel boots, dark silk shirt and only a nude lipstick so my lips wouldn't get chapped. My shirt didn't even show cleavage.

It's ridiculous how I feel this is a thing I should add 'cause heaven forbid the cleavage

What about what I've said? Did I accidentally flirt?? 'Cause that's been known to happen - I'm a clueless ace who can't for the life of me notice when people are flirting or not or notice when people think I'm flirting with them. And usually when they are not flirting or being attractive, that's when the magic happens for me! So... What gives?! Did I do something wrong, that sent the wrong message?

I mean, I was nice, yes. But you're supposed to be nice to people. I'm not gonna be rude just because most guys can't keep it in their pants.

I go over the messages. I didn't do anything strictly not business like. I'm very good at that. I have only worked responding to men as bosses in my life, had four male bosses before him, all different ages, marital status, star signs, backgrounds, lives. The best colleagues and co-workers I used to spend hours having coffee and laughing with were men. So I know how to keep professional and not mixing things up. It wasn't a slip up from my side.

Well, then there's always the chance I was going crazy and overreacting, soooo... I go over to my mom and sister. They think it's weird, yes, but they do think that's exactly what's going on: I'm overreacting and my social anxiety/workplace trauma is blocking me from pursuing this opportunity that can help my career - and make me have a salary again so I can help at home.

Ok. I though up and go back to talking to him. I tell him fine but I'll go to the place myself, so he can tell me where he's thinking about having lunch. Guy tells me nothing and keeps insisting I give him my address and he will give me a ride so we can "get to know each other better".

My GODS I've never felt so uncomfortable. Not even when I had to stay ONLY with my boss working until 1 am, only the two of us in the company building, every light out except the one in the room we were in, him being around 15 years older than me and very confident, with the two of us having one of the best work chemistry I had in my LIFE.

He could've done ANYTHING to me, but we only talked strictly work. We were tired, he waited for my mom to pick me up at 1 am outside so nothing bad would happen to me, both of us under an umbrella, he apologized to my mom for having me stay at work so late and then went back home to his wife and kid. I NEVER, at ANY moment felt unsafe around him. He was my mentor, he was my boss, he was a good colleague and even somewhat of a friend.

So why on EARTH was I feeling SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this guy I had only met ONCE face to face in my life?

I start to voice my concerns. My mom and my sister think I'm only saying that because I don't want to go back to work. That I want to throw my career away because I can't control my anxiety and my feelings. We fight a couple of times and a couple of days. My mom tells my aunt about it. My aunt goes full FBI and does a background check on this dude.

That's when she told my mom some things weren't adding up. His LinkedIn profile was a little too weird and he had no ties whatsoever with the elected President of the Lawyer Association - was he really someone in their team for propaganda? Nevertheless, he did have an office and did work with digital law, both here and in the USA. I shouldn't let this opportunity slip.

I got so mad. SO MAD. To the point my sister decided to ask her boyfriend for his opinion on all of it and he was like "hey... your sister is kinda right. guy wouldn't offer to take ME to a nice restaurant to have lunch and go to his office later for a coffee, would he...? I mean, this never happened to me" - and sis' boyfriend is on the business meetings and negotiations/selling part of the spectrum. He knows what he's talking about.

So now I finally have a man validating my concerns.

I take the decision to shut the whole thing down. I go "very well, I will NOT meet him, I will NOT maintain contact with him, he's treating me like a whore he picked up on the street". At this point, I am FUCKING FUMING. But still, my sister and mom gave him the benefit of the doubt and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

So I decided to marinate him for a while.

I should note that all his messages were sent close or around midnight, not at working hours. And I only answered at working hours. Since I was taking a while to respond, my dude just goes like, and I kid you not, "ooooh she's not answering, she's ignoring me, I don't like that *sad emoji*" LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD (no offense, 13 y/o peoples, but this dude is a FULL GROWN ASS MAN).

I am offended, I am flabbergasted and I wish I could suplex him to oblivion.

I show my mom the message. She just stares at me in awe. She FINALLY is like "yeah, ok, this isn't very professional". ALL THIS TIME, I never really told her what I was thinking and what was really worrying me. And then I break her the news that, what I'm really afraid of, is that this guy is going to rape me in his car. Or he's going to drive me somewhere I can't fight or scream and then he'll rape me. Whatever the scenario, it ended up with me being raped and I was scared. SO. FUCKING. SCARED.

My mom goes into Sphinx mode - that's when she doesn't answer and doesn't even look at me and just ~thinks~. It's a brutal reality she doesn't like and I don't like it either, I mean, it's my safety we're talking about here.

I shut down the guy completely. I tell him there's a family emergency and I couldn't continue to give him any attention nor I could go out for that lunch and I couldn't talk anymore. He SUDDENLY goes cold and "I am sorry if any of my messages seemed inconvenient. Do answer when you have the time so we can make an appointment." And that's it. No more messages. He's done in my book.

My mom tells my aunt. Aunt goes Sherlock Holmes mode this time and, lo and behold, they find an website of this guy's office. My mom is shocked at how 90's internet it looks for a guy who works with digital law. She then recognizes the address of the office but the doesn't remember of any office building in that street - so she Googles it.

His "office" is actually a residential building - meaning, it was his home address. She shows it to me and I want to cry - out of rage, shame, fear, sadness. I go like "yeah, this is the place he wanted me to go, to his home. What was he going to do to me there, huh?" - and I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Later, speaking to my sister, she's like "I dunno why you're so mad" and I'm like "WELL MISS I just got PICKED UP LIKE A WHORE outside of an OFFICIAL EVENT for the NATIONAL LAWYER ASSOCIATION while I was DRESSED UP PROFESSIONALLY and looking for PROFESSIONAL opportunities and I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED. I think I have all the right in the FUCKING WORLD to be FUMING."

That's when we diverged some more. She just said like "hey that's how the world works: women are treated like whores - you weren't the first one to have this happen to you and you won't be the last. What are you gonna do about it? Get over it."

Oh. Boy. I looked at my sister's eyes. I saw her just staring at me weirdly. A storm was approaching. The skies darkened. Bury the Light started playing in the background. Vergil's doppelgänger was standing behind me like an angel of death. (All DMC references for my non-DMC peoples)

"Well. I wanna have power. So much fucking power in this world that no one ever even thinks about treating me like that again. So much power they will fear standing in front of me and saying those words - they will look into my eyes and shut up. So much power I will never be afraid to walk on my own again and I will never have to doubt my feelings when I'm feeling unsafe because some lowlife pitiful little shit decided I should be a whore to satisfy him. I want to have power so I will never be this helpless again."

Cue in my sister just sitting there with butter in the slice of bread in her hand, staring at me like "wtf man... do you need a hug...?" and me doing a dramatic exit back to my room to, well... Write the fanfic in question.

(For my DMC creatures: I never even thought of Vergil when I said all of this, I just noted that thought later in my diary and reading it a couple of days later I was like "omg I have become my worst enemy, fuck you Verge" because I kid you not, I used to hate this man with all the fibers of my being - hence where my longfic Nemesis came from. I realized I lived long enough to become my worst enemy - and maybe I hated him because Vergil made me look at the part of myself I didn't like and didn't want to admit existed *I'm laughing while writing this, I do find it weirdly amusing*)

DMC things aside, this WHOLE episode made me feel so frustrated. I never had anyone to validate me, only people doubting me or asking me if I lead him on, or what was I wearing, or if I smiled too much, if I was being too nice, if I said something inappropriate, and so on. I had to get it all off my chest and I thought maybe, juuuust maybe, Dante and Vergil would've been more supportive regarding that.

Because, you know, they know trauma and they are protective as fuck. They can have all the red flags and mental issues in this world, but I don't think they would EVER dismiss their partner - especially a woman - feeling unsafe and fearing being abused or raped. In order to trust, you have to give the person and opportunity and room to open up to you without judgements - and I do think they aren't very judgy people.

I mean, they are demons, for fuck's sake. They can't judge anything especially Vergil

Also, I don't blame my mom nor my sister (even if I got really mad at her). In the end, both of them wanted what was best for me, they thought it was an opportunity and wanted me to get my career back. Truth is, no woman knows how to act when this happens. And they didn't know how to act as well. They didn't want to think of the worst: just like I was doubting myself and my own feelings, they were doubting theirs as well. We ALL had to be validated by a man to admit something was wrong and we weren't hysterical.

Ok, ok, storytime over. But I felt like sharing this because people, you are ALWAYS valid in your concerns - and there's no clothing, no smile, no attitude, no NOTHING that JUSTIFIES abuse. If you're abused or feeling like someone wants to take advantage of you, especially sexually, YOUR FEELINGS AND FEARS ARE VALID. Don't shrug it off or water it down just because people are saying you're overreacting - if I had listened to everyone around me instead of my gut feeling that something was REALLY wrong, only the gods know what would've happened. But I'll tell ya, it probably wouldn't have been good for me.

At best, I'd be mad this guy would want to pick me up like a whore and I'd have to turn him down and take a ride home. At worst, he would've raped me - in his car, at the "restaurant", at his "office". We don't know, but I didn't want to "give luck to bad luck" as we say where I live.

I didn't have support, so I wrote a story to feel supported by the fictional characters I look up to - I wished SO bad I was dating someone, especially a man, who'd tell me he'd go through hell and back to keep me safe and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me and validate my feelings. Someone who would make me feel safe and I wouldn't have to only rely on myself.

cue in V saying he too wanted to be loved and protected, I tell you, all this time I thought I hated Vergil when I had only found my nemesis in a mirror

So, don't ever doubt yourselves. Don't ever doubt your gut feelings. We might want validation and someone to keep us safe, but sometimes we don't have that and have to rely on our survival mode. It sucks, but there's a reason why that thing is called "survival": it keeps you alive. It keeps you going.

And no one, NO ONE has the right to say you're overreacting, you're being hysterical, you're reading too much into it, you're just trying to find the easy way out, you just don't want an opportunity because you're lazy, you're crazy and deranged, etc, etc.

If your gut is flapping red flags all around, then overreact. Be hysterical. Read too much into it, find the easy way out, be lazy, be crazy and deranged. Be the villain. Be the bad person. You're not perfect. You're not a princess. Be comfortable with people telling you you're bad - but never NEVER let go of your gut feeling when your safety is on the line.

That fucking thing WILL save your life. Being too nice, though, might not. Listen to yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and, again, don't be afraid to be bad.

Someday you might just find your half-demon man who will support you, protect you and treat you as an equal powerhouse, but until that day, keep on conquering your self-esteem and unwavering will.

I'm just saying all of this now because:

1 - I was too scared to talk about this for a looong time afraid the guy in question would find this, know it's me and my safety would be on the line again

2 - Just now I'm getting comfortable with the concept of being "seen as the villain" and being "seen as bad". My whole life I have been dancing around this because people always said I had a "difficult" personality. I watched Cruella recently and it hit home so hard. We do have things to learn from villainous characters and maybe this is just who I am. People are going to see me as bad so, who cares. Even if I'm not, it would do me good getting used to that idea - I can be more assertive to my boundaries and not allow any of this to happen again. So, there you go. It's an exercise everyone should do. Are you comfortable defending your ideas, your boundaries and your integrity even if people are mad you're not being a pushover/perfectly polite?

It's something I think all of us should think about ;)

Also

thanks for coming to my TED Talk :')

[tinyboxxtink]

"Summer Of '87" (Chapter 8)

I know, i said it would be less of a wait. I'm sorry! But this chapter's a bit longer, i hope it makes up for it. I haven't been on, so I don't really get my notifs after so long so if you do ask to be on the tag list please message me!

Tag List:

@gingertimelord

@witchwolflea

@loliakeoghan23

@fancytragedything

@eg-dr3amer3

@wanniiieeee

Also if you've asked me for a one shot I promise to get on those too!!!

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

--------------

Soon you were back at Eddie’s trailer, which was still empty because Wayne was at work. 

“So, your uncle lives here too?” you asked uneasily as you looked around the room. It was clear there was only one bedroom, and you hoped it was Eddie’s.

“Yeah, don’t worry though he works most nights. He’s picking up a shift right now.” Eddie explained, hearing the tone in your voice.

“And he sleeps on the couch?” you asked while rubbing the back of your neck.

“Y’know if it makes you this uncomfortable princess you can sleep on the bus,” he said in a rather haughty tone. He knew it wasn’t much, but it was all he had. 

You seriously debated for a minute in your head. It wasn’t like it would be much bigger in the bus anyway. 

“...Would you stay with me?” 

“Uh, no.” he laughed bitterly. “I’m not gonna act too good for my own home, Y/N,” 

“I’m not saying it’s not good enough!” you gesture wildly. “It’s just…weird, thinking about sleeping in your room with your uncle on the couch.

“He’s used to--” he walked down the hall to his room to see the bed was unmade, and several of Wayne’s clothes strewn about the place. 

“Huh,” he said plainly. “Guess he’s been sleeping in here. Well, that makes sense.” 

“So maybe, you let him keep it…?” you tried not to sound too relieved. 

“....Yeah, I guess it would be pretty messed up to just come and take it back after being gone for so long,” he sighed. 

“But we’re not sleeping on the bus.”

“Oh?” you raised an eyebrow. You half wondered if he was going to make you camp in the woods just to spite you.

“I’ve got plenty of money to crash in a motel for a few days,” he explained as he walked back out to his van.

“A motel?” you made a face. “Gee don’t break your wallet with the big spending there, Scrooge,” 

“HEY,” He stopped and spun around abruptly. “I get that you were born with a silver spoon up your ass princess, but I grew up with NOTHING. You learn how to stretch pennies real far raised that way.”

“Wow,” you huffed. “Y’know it’s not my fault who or where I was born Eddie, same as you. I can’t help I’m used to…certain lifestyles,” 

“But you can help it by opening yourself up to things less than your ‘standards’, princess,” he crossed his arms. The way he used your nickname like that, it sounded so condescending. 

“Is that what you think, Eddie?” You asked with tears brimming. “You keep calling me that because what, I’m Molly Ringwald? Conceited? Spoiled? And your Bender, the poor burnout who’s daddy didn’t love him? Is that it?” 

“Hey, at least his dad was AROUND,” He stepped towards you angrily. “My old man dropped me here when I was born. Him AND my mother wanted nothing to do with me! I would’ve KILLED for a carton of cigarettes for Christmas, at least that would mean I’d see them!”

“...Wow,” you said softly. You didn’t realize he’d take the metaphor so far. Or that his parents were that horrible. 

“Yeah, wow,” he chuckled sadly as he leaned against the van, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. 

“I’m sorry,” you put a hand on his shoulder. “I shouldn’t of--” 

“No, you’re right.” he cut you off with a drag of his cigarette. “I shouldn’t expect you to be like me. I’m hella simple. Give me a room with a bed and I’m happy. And I know now I can afford more, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and this whole ‘fame’ thing to go away. And I just wanna have enough that Wayne doesn’t have to worry about working so much. I mean, I’m even thinking about getting him a small house for Christmas. If i still have enough to, I mean.”

“I get it,” you nodded softly. “And if that’s what you want, I have no right to ask anything more of you. But Eddie…” 

You rubbed his shoulder tenderly. 

“The other shoe won’t drop, I know it won't. You're too talented, as are the other guys. You worked hard to get where you are, that doesn’t just ‘go away’,” 

“Yeah, I guess…” he muttered under his breath while taking another drag. “Maybe we can get a nice hotel, with a pool and everything,” 

“A pool?” you had to giggle at the specific detail. 

“Yeah, I’ve always wanted a pool.”

“Well,” you cleared your throat. “My parents have a pool…” 

“Wasn’t the whole point of staying with Mandy a way to AVOID your parents?”

“Well, yeah I mean i did wanna spend time with her, but I’m pretty sure they’re in Italy for the summer.” 

“Pretty sure?” He raised an eyebrow. 

“Absolutely sure.” you admitted. “And if you want a free room AND pool, then it’s what you’re gonna get, metal head.” 

“Really?” his eyes lit up. 

“Really,” you giggled. “And who knows, it’s a big house. Maybe we can convince your friends to come over for a pool party,”

“That is an AMAZING idea!!!” He almost jumped up and down with happiness. “That is definitely one way to Dustin’s heart.” 

“Good,” you smiled. “Any other ways you know of?”

“I’ll make a list,” he chuckled before putting out his cigarette and letting you in the van.

---------------

After a few days of settling in and letting everyone cool off, Eddie decided to bring up the idea of the pool party at a special session of Hellfire Club. Obviously they didn’t usually play in the summer, but since Eddie and the guys were home Dustin who was now the DM, made a special exception. Even if he was still a bit frustrated with him. 

After the meeting when everyone was just hanging out, he took his honorary little brother to the side.

“Y’know Henderson, you’re not such a bad DM,” he chuckled while ruffling his hair.

“Ay, not the hair!” He grumbled while pushing Eddie’s hand away. “And really? Ya think so?” 

“Definitely,” he nodded with a sly grin. “Almost as good as I was,” 

“Oh right,” he rolled his eyes.

“So, I was thinking,” he said carefully. “We should have a party in your honor,”

“Oh really?” his eyes lit up. “A party for me?”

“Yeah of course, why not?” he patted Dustin’s back. “A pool party even,”

“A pool party?!” Dustin was now giddy. “But who do we know who has a pool? Are we gonna break into Steve’s parents house?”

“Well, not exactly…” Eddie became nervous. “Y/N offered…” 

“Oh there it is,” Dustin’s happy bubble was burst. “You wanna set up some kind of ‘happy reunion’ with my so called ‘dad’?”

“No man!” Eddie shook his head wildly. “No, they’re out of town. We’re staying there, and I told her--” 

“So you ARE shacking up with her!” Dustin scoffed. “Dude I knew it!” 

“There were extenuating circumstances, Henderson!” Eddie raised his voice to match Dustin’s, making the rest of the group stop their conversations and zone in on theirs. 

“Wow, don’t choke on the big words Munson,” Dustin rolled his eyes. 

“Hey man, I’m smart sometimes.” he said in an offended tone. 

He wasn’t the best speaker, but he had a decent vocabulary. And Dustin was supposed to be his little buddy, someone who looked up to him. Not this condescending little twerp.

“Dust, lay off him.” Mike walked over. “You know you missed the shit out of him,” 

“...Maybe” Dustin looked at the floor. 

Eddie paused for a moment, letting his wheels turn.

“...Is that why you’re pissed, Henderson?” he leaned his head down to meet Dustin’s eyes. “You think she’s taking me from you?” 

“Eddie I waited a whole YEAR to see you! And now you come home with some random girl claiming to be my sister, and she’s got you on a leash!”

“A leash??!” Eddie had to laugh. “Henderson look where we’re standing! I’m here with you, aren’t I?”

“And the last few days?”

“Dude I figured you were pissed at me. I wanted to give you a few days to calm down,” 

“Just because I’m pissed at you doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you Eddie!!!” Dustin was surprisingly emotional as he spoke. “I…you’re my brother, Edds.”

Hearing those words broke Eddie’s heart. Here he was trying to make you happy by easing the tension between you and Dustin, and he hadn’t thought twice about things between him and Dustin. 

“Hey, Henderson,” he held his hands out. “You know you’re my little brother first. Everyone else is second to you,”

“Gee thanks!” Lucas rolled his eyes.

“Sorry SInclair, shouldn’t have played for the dark side.” Eddie shot him a tongued smirk before turning his attention back to Dustin. 

“Look if you really don’t wanna do it, we won’t. But you know I wouldn’t wanna do anything that would hurt you. Even if you don’t believe Y/N is your sister, she’s still a nice girl. I swear. And she really just wants to do something nice for everyone, honest.” 

“Yeah man, POOL PARTY!!! Come on!!!” Gareth chimed in the conversation. 

“....Well, I guess if everyone’s there.” Dustin shrugged. “I guess it’s cool,” 

“Sweetness!” Eddie hugged Dustin. “I swear man, you won’t regret it,” 

“I hope not,” Dustin said softly. He’d never admit it to anyone, but he sort of wanted to believe you. He’d always wanted an older sibling, and Eddie was great, but another one would be nice. 

He hoped this party wouldn’t blow up his hopes.

----------------

The day of the party soon arrived, and you were buzzing with nervous energy. Your parents’ backyard was decked out to look like a D&D dream. You had made giant paper D20 dice and stuck them along the gates surrounding the yard. You had a custom cake made into the shape of a D20 with “DM MASTER DUSTIN HENDERSON” written in the middle of it. It was double chocolate fudge, his favorite.

A picnic table on your deck held a D&D board all set up for a campaign designed especially around Dustin. Of course that was for later; you had planned to let the whole Hellfire club stay over for a campaign sleepover. 

All the food and refreshments were D&D themed; potato wedges called “dragon eggs”, chicken legs called “troll’s legs”, burgers named “+1 health”. Fruit punch labeled “Dragon’s blood,” stuff of the like. 

The pool also came equipped with a water basketball hoop, and a net across for water volleyball. A large slide was set up in the deep end; it was literally a teenage boy’s dream. 

And if you had any doubts about it, Dustin and the other boys faces and excited chatter when they entered the backyard proved you right. 

“Holy shit,” Dustin whispered in awe. “This is AWESOME!!!!” 

“I’m glad you like it,” you gave him a small smile. 

“I love it, thank you,” Dustin smiled back, giving you a small hug. It made you take a small sharp inhale while you glanced happily at Eddie, who gave you a thumbs up. 

“CANNONBALL!!!” Quentin didn’t waste any time; he was ripping off his t-shirt and jumping into the pool. The rest of the boys quickly followed suit, already starting to play with the basketball.

Soon the older teens were walking into the backyard with the two younger girls in tow.

“Sorry we’re late, the girls were taking forever,” Jonathan apologized, causing Nancy to hit him. 

“We weren’t that long!” She pouted as she walked over to grab some “dragon’s blood”. The two younger girls immediately took off their overalls and jumped into the pool with the boys.

“Hey let’s get a game going!” Lucas suggested.

“This is a pretty nice setup,” Steve commented while pulling off his shirt. “My parents never sprung for a slide.” 

“Well clearly you were never spoiled as I was,” you joked. 

“I already assumed that was true,” he winked before joining the boys in the pool.

“I’ll kill him for you if you want me to,” Eddie said under his breath in a half teasing manner.

“I’ll let you know,” you kissed his cheek  before going to the shallow end of your pool to sit and sunbathe.

---------

It ended up being a lovely night; you bonded with Eddie’s friends, Dustin had a great time, all in all you’d call the whole thing a success. Now, everyone was hanging out in your house for a sleepover. 

The Hellfire members played the special campaign Eddie had made in the living room, while El and Max watched a movie upstairs in your TV room. You and the older teens were drinking and talking on a couch in the living room, careful not to disturb the game. 

“So, you and Eddie huh?” Steve asked in his best non condescending voice. 

“Me and Eddie what?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“You guys doin’ it?” he asked rather abruptly in a buzzed tone.

“Steve!” Nancy elbowed him harshly.

“Actually no, Harrington.” you took a swig of your beer. “I’m not a little slut like you,” 

“Hey!” He cried defensively. “Former slut, thank you,” 

“Oh sorry,” you rolled your eyes with a smile, “But no, we’ve barely kissed.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!” Robin laughed in an overexaggerated tone, causing the HFC members to look over.

“Robin!” Steve hissed. “Who’s the dingus now?” 

“Shit,” you said under your breath while glancing at Eddie with a bright red face. You probably shouldn’t have said that. 

“What?” Dustin asked curiously as he also glanced at Eddie, who was clueless.

“Nothing, nothing.” You assured him while getting up to go to the kitchen for some water. No more drinking for you tonight. Eddie instinctively followed you, sensing it was not “nothing”.

“What was that?” He leaned against your kitchen bar. 

“Noting…” you said in an innocent tone.

“Oh that sounds believable,” he chuckled as he walked towards you.

“I may have let it slipped that we kissed,” you blushed up at him. 

“What?!” Eddie suddenly took a step back. “Why?!”

“Well Harrington goaded me into it!” you whined.

“Sure, everything’s Harringrton’s fault.” he rolled his eyes.

“He asked if we were sleeping together, rude.” you stuck your tongue out. “And I said that we barely kissed,”

“Barely?” he crossed his arms. “I’d say it was more than ‘barely’ a kiss,” 

“Well, then why can’t i remember it?” you smirked. 

“Probably because you’re drunk, princess.”

“I am NOT,” You protested, stepping forward but tripping on your heels into his arms.

“....I might be a little tipsy,” you added with a small voice.

“Uh huh,” he shook his head with a small laugh. You were so adorable he couldn’t stand it. 

“Well here’s a reminder,” he grinned before pulling you into his body with the softest of kisses. 

You knew you shouldn’t risk making out in your kitchen like this with literally everyone you were trying to convince you weren’t banging him in the next room, but you were indeed tipsy and you wanted him so badly. Your arms immediately wrapped around his neck and pulled him forward, jumping up and wrapping your legs around him. He set you on the counter while continuing to kiss you, not wanting to admit he really wasn’t strong enough to hold you on his own.

“I knew it!”

Dustin’s voice knocked you both from your lustful haze as you broke apart immediately and stared at him in horror. 

“Dustin, man we weren’t.--”

“Save it,” he sighed as he turned around to go back to the living room. “Do whatever you want, I don’t care,”

Eddie ran after Dustin trying to explain you weren’t a thing for the second time, even though at this point why weren’t you? You couldn’t think about that now, you had to get your shit together.

“Shit!!!” you yelled at yourself as you ran upstairs to your room.

You needed a break from all this drama for the night.

-------------------------------

if you llke what you read, please considering buying me a Ko-Fi☕, it's the only source of income I have right now. https://ko-fi.com/tinyboxtink

[bonny-kookoo]

Hoseok: Lovebirds (1)

In which Hoseok shows you that sometimes, giving up isn't admitting defeat, but about saving yourself and making room for something better.

Tags/Warnings: Scarlet Macaw!Hoseok x Scarlet Macaw!Reader, Solo Artist!AU, personal assistant!reader, burnout syndrome, strangers to lovers, romantic!Hoseok, stress birb!Reader, bad work environment, mental exhaustion

Additional Chapter Warnings: stressed birb reader, poor thing, symptoms of burnout, Hoseok thinks he's seriously sick for a second, mentions of doctors visits (needles, blood drawing etc), birb is just a really poor thing

Chapter Length: mid/long

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You're running late.

You know this time you're gonna get fired. He's gonna yell at you again, embarrassing you in front of the Jung Hoseok aka J-Hope, ruining any chances of you ever finding another job in this industry. He'd told you he's gonna ruin your life, and he will, you know it.

It only gets worse when the bus you had taken suddenly seems to choke, and the driver has to stop, telling everyone to leave the vehicle. It all leads to were you are now- sitting on the side of the road, trying hard to justice Han that you'll be even later than you thought, but you can't bring yourself to send the text.

Until someone squats down in front of you, making you jump where you're sitting, terrified.

He's got a bucket hat on his head, hiding most of his face, but you know who it is. He's probably completely confused now, thinks you're an absolute mess, and will go and call Han now to tell him that his personal assistant is yet again fucking things up. You lower your head in shame, preparing yourself for the worst, but Hoseok is only smiling reassuringly, noticing how close you are to crying.

"hey- I'm on my way to the set as well, I'll take you along if you want." he offers. "I mean- unless Han already sent someone to get you." he chuckles, and you're trying hard not to scoff.

Han wouldn't even sneeze into your direction, let alone helo you in a situation like this.

You nod, standing up with him, before swaying, balance list for a second as your vision goes blank. Hoseok is quick to steady you with a hand on your shoulder, waiting worriedly until you gain back your senses. "ugh, sorry- happens all the time." you laugh to yourself, before dusting off your skirt, walking to his car.

It's then that he notices a red feather on the sidewalk, making him grab into his hair to check.

It's been happening a lot lately, feathers falling out it seems, and he's worried that it's something wrong with him. He's already scheduled an appointment, had his blood drawn and vitals checked- but nothing came of it other than the praise that he's very healthy and taking good care of himself. It doesn't make sense.

Back in the car, he feels oddly giddy, buzzing with sime sort of energy he's not sure where it's coming from. Youre not a hybrid, so maybe it's just something going on today, and he doesn't want to put any of his quirks onto you. "you're very quiet." Hoseok chuckles, and you snap your head towards him.

"I'm sorry-" you instantly apologize, making him smile in reassurance.

"no no it wasn't meant like that." he says. "don't worry. Han isn't in yet by the way- why are you on your way so early?" he wonders, and you shrug.

"I.. I always am. I need to prepare everything for him so I come early, and I have to clear up after so I stay longer." you tell him, and the scarlet macaw hybrid furrows his brows.

"but we're on set for the entire day." he worries, and you shrug.

"it's okay." you say, hands in your lap fidgeting around. "I'm okay with it. I like helping." you say, and Hoseok sighs.

"hmhm, I guess so. But please look after yourself." he says, parking the car on set. "Han can do some thinga himself. He's an adult man after all." he chuckles, and you nod, before you notice Han walking towards the car- and Hoseok instantly takes note of how you shrink in on yourself.

"thank you." you simply say quietly, before strong out the car- Han instantly pointing towards his wrist.

Something's not right- and Hoseok knows it. Trying to help you, he walks behind you to take any chance away from the fellow artist to get you alone, his own protectiveness oddly strong at the sight of you so close to the man. "Her bus broke down, I picked her up. Do you want coffee?" Hoseok tries, and Han clearly fakes a smile, before nodding.

"definitely. Hey birdy- go fetch some coffee alright? You can set up everything after." Han says, and you immediately run off, eager to get away it seems.

Hoseok doesn't see you the rest of the day.

What he does notice is just how thoughtful you really are. You always seem to think two steps ahead, you always try and make sure that even he has everything he needs even though you're not even his assistant in the first place. You won't get paid any more than what you already earn, and yet you still leave nice gestures all over the place, pick up on small details like how he likes his water not too cold and on the left side of his chair, hell, you even make sure the makeup staff and crew have snacks and water. And yet, he spits you constantly being watched like a hawk by Han, the man always searching for something to nag about it seems.

You're way too sweet to be pushed around like this.

He hates how that guy is constantly rushing you to get things done that could easily done by himself. Get my jacket, get me water, get me this, get me that. It's infuriating to Hoseok to watch you be worked so hard, way too hard.

"hey, here." he offers some bottled water to you as you sit on the sidelines on a cheap plastic chair at the shooting, the heat clearly getting to you. You're ready to decline, when Hoseok blocks your view completely, making you unable to check up on the collaborating artist you belong to. "I'll take the blame for whatever. Please drink something." he says, and you sigh, taking the bottle from him with a shaky hand and a 'thank you'.

It's only now that he notices something in your hair; distinctively red, brightly so, similar to the feathers in his own hair, just smaller, more delicate, more frail and fragile.

It all makes sense now. The scent, the pull to you, the lack of ears. Only now does he also notice how you always wear long skirts that probably cover your feathers of your tail- all the exact opposite of what he himself does, openly presenting his feathers because that's what you should be doing.

And most importantly, only now does he realize; the feathers he'd been finding aren't his own.

They're yours.

And he actually catches you in the act later that day when you start to help the staff clean up- and it just fuels his anger towards Han even further, because you're not loosing them because you might just be sick or way too tired, no, you're actively picking them out.

The amount of stress you're under must be horrible to force you to do this.

And he can't help but feel pissed to no ends at it. How can someone treat another person, hybrid or not, like they're nothing but a mindless robot without any limits or emotions and boundaries? It's when he watches you trip and fall onto your knees, scraping them open, and Han simply rolling his eyes at you instead of helping, that Hoseok internally snaps.

He's going to get you out of this.

You deserve so much better.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[chiffiorra]

Kinktober Day #20

Name: CNC/Consensual Non Consent

Character: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

WC: 1,319

Synopsis: He seemed to be into your secret, probably a little too much into it. Not that you were complaining.

This fic contains: AFAB!reader, CNC, biting, rough sex, degrading language, creampie, author loves grimmjow way too much, possible ooc Grimmjow, MDNI

Note: i'm gonna write till November but that's ok! after changes in my work schedule + writer's block/burnout, i've made peace with it. either way, can you tell that i love his man to the point that i tried making this one special?

This was something you had always hidden away to yourself, feeling like you'll be judged. You thought that you could hide it, but you could never hide it from him, it was almost like he could smell it out of you.

It was strange, sitting with the Espada of Destruction alone, he seemed calm for some reason. He deemed you an interesting human and snatched you in front of your friend/neighbor Ichigo weeks after your first meeting, and for now, you had him as company. So far it didn't seem like it was that bad, besides him seeming standoffish in the beginning. Even after Ichigo saved you, you still felt some sort of attraction towards the Arrancar.

"You're hiding something," he simply said. You two were out in Hueco Mundo, under the bright and shining moon. You were sitting down on the sand, huddled under your sweater, looking up at him when he said that.

Raising your head, you saw him looking down from his standing position. "What makes you say that?" You asked.

"You humans think that you're great at keeping secrets, but I can always tell whenever you're keeping a secret," he said, smirking down at you. This made you shrink into yourself even more, not expecting such a thing coming from him but at the time, you should've known it would be just like him to try and make you squirm.

"You're not gonna let it go unless I say it, right?" You asked, trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Nope," he answered, laughing. His laugh always sent a shudder down your spine.

You took a deep breath, "I have been thinking of something that I swore that I would take to my grave. It's really silly, but promise me you won't judge?" You asked, looking down at your hands.

He only sneered in response, "I can't promise that, and look at me when you're talking, dammit!" He barked.

You shot your head back up immediately to look at him as he demanded, there was no turning back now. With another deep breath and another demand from him to spit it out, you did so.

"I've always dreamed of someone taking advantage of me… not seriously, but as a roleplay. A game if you will."

Grimmjow said nothing at first, almost confused and trying to compute what you were saying to him. But then, a grin slowly stretched out onto his face. Whenever you and Ichigo saw that grin, it only meant one thing: trouble.

"So you like it rough, huh? I knew there was a reason why I liked you," he said, his grin growing wider as he watched you hug yourself at his statement.

"Yes," you muttered. Then you felt him grab your shoulder, which surprised you as he seemingly moved in a blink of an eye. The Espadas must have such outstanding power like him, possibly more, you thought to yourself.

"I can help you with that," he said, grabbing your chin to force you to look him in the eye. He was already manhandling you and it was starting to make you feel excited. That look in Grimmjow's eyes plus his grin stretching wider meant that he could smell it.

"Wait-"

"Wait? The hell do you mean 'wait'?" He sneered again. "I offered to help you, didn't I?"

"If one of us ever wants to stop, the safe word is… 'blue'," you said.

He scoffed at said word, probably thinking that the word choice was a jab at him but he agreed nevertheless.

And when he told you to run to begin, you didn't hesitate to do as you tried your best to run through the sand with some difficulty. However, no matter how fast you ran, he was too fast for you to outrun him.

With that, he immediately caught up to you and tackled you to the ground, smirking at the sight of you already struggling to get away from him.

He was very strong and you could barely move your legs from him pinning you down and your arms were also out of the question from him holding them above your head. He had your wrists in a vice grip.

"Struggle all you want, woman. I love it when they fight back," he purred.

That statement should've sent chills down your spine, but it just turned you on even more than when this roleplay started, and thanks to his honed senses, he noticed. No amount of clenching your thighs and pleading eyes for him to "spare" you would change his mind.

"You dirty little slut; you like this and yet you still wanna resist me?" He chuckled as he used his free hand to spread your legs apart, using his own to keep them that way.

"Look at you, already so wet for me! Is it really so wrong for me to feel bad knowing that you wanted this?" That grin was back and you could now see why he was so feared.

"No, let me go! Please, I'm begging you! Please!" You begged, struggling and kicking in his grip. He only let out loud laughter, the Hollow mask on his jawbone seeming laughing along with him. The sight of that only unnerved you… but you liked it as you held your breath.

He let go of your wrists in favor of holding down your legs, his large hands nearly engulfing your thighs, only sparing one to lower his pants to expose his cock before putting it back on your thigh. His tight grip was sure to leave bruises on them, and it hurt so good.

"Like I said… I love it when they fight back," he snickered, moving his length between your folds, at a fast pace too. You were momentarily caught off guard and tried to stifle your moan when the head would touch your clit but you still wanted to put on a show.

With your arms freed, you took to slapping and scratching at his chest which made him growl in return. That was all he needed to shove himself into your cunt and start fucking so roughly. He had to be the biggest you've ever taken, which was enough for you to scream and had tears rolling down your face.

Eyeing your crying face, he laid down on you, his forehead touching yours as he began licking away the tears. "I'm not so terrible after all seeing that your cunt was eager to take me in, hm?" He teased, his hands moving from your thighs to the back of your knees as he held your legs down even more.

He was so rough not only in battle against enemies but also with you as well in this game you played.

As you begged, pleaded, and scratched at him to let you go; he only goaded you to fight him even more. As you bit into his neck, you felt your orgasm ready to boil over. Just a little more.

All it took was for him to wrap one of his hands under your chin to force you to look at him to make you cum all over his cock. The gleam in his eyes as he looked down at where you two connected seemed to have you think that he enjoyed the mess.

"No more," you whimpered as he still continued at his rough pace, eagerly chasing his pace.

He only ignored you as he bit into the junction of where your neck and shoulder met. Hips stuttering, he finally came inside of you, the warmness from his release making you moan softly.

As you lay panting after he let go of you, he leaned down to your ear. "I'm not done with you yet, woman. I'm not letting you slide after one round."

You weakly smiled back at him, tired but eager to go on until you were truly ready to tap out.

[rusmii]

RURU !! HI, i’m so sorry it took so long for me to get in your inbox…also take your time w/ this, i know miss famous has a looot of asks to go through LMAO !! but in seriousness i hope you feel better soon :< writing-wise, it’s no secret tht this platform favors smut above everything else so it’s rly pressuring to have to write it bcz it usually gets more notes, attention, etc. WRITE WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE !! it’s your blog ruru, just a reminder !! + i totally understand thinking ur not writing the best, but i think you’re a fantastic writer <3 if anything, it’s prob js burnout so do what you need to do to help w it whether tht’s writing what you want or something else, take your time & we’re all here to support you !! i’m also here in general to talk if you need anything 🤍

okay also NOT MILKMAN PLS !! CHUUYA NAKAHARA MAY ALSO B TIRED & OVERWORKED BUT…HE’S FINE 😭 milkman on the other hand…

revrev!!!!! I'm so happy you came by my inbox [like weeks ago💀] <3<3 !! im so sorry I couldn't answer you sooner :( I was pretty much hoarding asks like these to ensure I can answer them properly and yours was the first priority over everyone else's! how are you doing atm? anything eventful happening currently:3?

AND AHH GIRL UR SO RIGHT. people are nearly pressured almost everyday to write what's popular because smut is HUGE on this platform :/ and its ehhh.. you could find better smut on wattpad if I'm being honest 😭. but again, these are posts mostly concerning the bigger fandoms like jjk and res evil [ahem. leon and their ddlg kinks].

TYSM FOR UR KIND WORDS REVIE🥺🤍 ilysm /p and I'm so lucky to have someone as kind as you as a moot <3 ik you guys didn't sign up to see me sort of.. break off at random times of the months and I really appreciate everyone sticking through the weird times w/me 🤍🤍🤍 and ehehe I'm gonna stop by ur inbox 2nite >;)))!!!

LMAO STOP MILKMAN IS HOT. ITS THE ART STYLE PLS. HEARRR MEEE OUTTTT

[yukarinuniversaltraveler]

An extremely long life update

Copy-pasted from a news post on my Newgrounds page: https://yukarinladyboss495.newgrounds.com/news/post/1381639

Hey, so I just kinda disappeared out of nowhere with only a vague comment about going on a hiatus but never making any "official announcement" about it. So here I am, just tryna get y'all up to speed with what's been going through my life. Nothin' much, but still quite a lot, so when I make a comeback to all art places, I'm gonna have to do some heavy rework of all my social media to make sure everything's up to date, since many things are very outdated.

So first off, the reason why I went on this hiatus was because of the heavy burnout and a lot of pressure that I was putting on myself, on top of being very emotionally unstable due to gruesome things happening in my life (cutting ties with "friends" that manipulated me, feeling awful about myself, my art, and everything I do, added to having an overall bad luck strike for some months, where it seemed like I could not do a single thing right without messing up five in the process), so I was forcing myself to draw to exhaustion just to keep doing something, so I wouldn't have an anxiety attack. But I just couldn't keep on doing that, which is why I decided to stop producing art for most of this year.

The emphasis is on the word "producing". I'm still making and creating new art, but putting less and less effort into it, and just drawing anything I felt like at the moment, mostly just pencil sketches that I posted on my Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, and refraining from creating digital art.

It's worked wonders on my psyche, and with every week that went by, I began to "fall in love" again with drawing. I still do not plan to return to making art "seriously", but when I do, I definitely will change the way I produce art, so I can still find the art process enjoyable without putting too much "unnecesarily pointless" effort into it. Some of the sketches I made got a lot of likes and attention, easily putting the rest of my artworks to shame! So yeah, there's that.

The second reason is that since I am a person who just-so happens to be and live in Venezuela, my Paypal account got terminated when I received a very much needed donation, and now I cannot accept support from anyone until I can find a suitable replacement to use that is not Paypal. This means that I am no longer taking commissions(not that I ever got any commissions to begin with), and my Ko-Fi account has donations turned off, essentially locking away all the exclusive content that was uploaded there. Then I watched that Duchess Celestia video where she talked about Ko-Fi's lack of security and how she lost a lot of money, so it's safe to say that I will quit using Ko-Fi altogether. I'm planning to migrate all my content to Patreon so my content is still available for, idk, some lost wandering soul that sends me money probably by mistake, but till then, all of my more recent artworks are banished to the Shadow Realm.

The third reason is that my ol' dinosaur PC is finally gonna get upgraded to 64 bits, so I had to do the tiresome task of making backups of everything I had on it, using only one 23 GB USB drive. Because of that, I couldn't make any digital art even if I wanted to, because I do not have the program to do it, so yeah, if anything, I'd call that a win. That said, once my PC is fully functional again, THAT is when I will be able to produce digital art normally again, so my hiatus will go on a little longer after I feel fully "recovered".

That, in a nutshell, is why I went on this massive hiatus, and let me tell ya, hiatuses are underrated! I know y'all who live off of art have your brains consumed by hustle culture and wouldn't take a break even if your working hand fell off your arm, but as someone who never had art as a career option, taking this time off was the best thing I could ever do. I feel rejuvenated! I'm starting to enjoy things again! I'm happier! I'm exploring new things and rediscovering things that I'd forgotten about or left behind!

I am much better now!

So yeah what I'm trying to say, is that this perception of taking a break as something bad that has to be avoided, and more like a positive thing, seriously! People gotta stop focusing on those silly Twitter numbers and start focusing more on their health and well-being!

"Yeah but it's not that simple, some of us need to make art for a living", brother, I am not looking for a debate, please do not try to reply with this, because I will ignore you. I am in the right, and so are you. Let's just agree to disagree, and move on with our lives, okay?

And that would be it! Just dropping by to let y'all know that I'm still breathing, that I haven't given up on Newgrounds, and that hopefully soon I will return with more art and better than ever!

As my favorite FNaF character would say, I always come back. ;)

Be seein' ya!

[nottheweirdest]

Sister, I must know things about Hallowed! Like what inspired it? Is there gonna be a lot of angst?? Just how much spiciness do you plan to add to it in general???

In seriousness though 😅 like how long did it take you to outline it? When did the idea or plot first come to you? Are there any challenges you're facing with it right now? Do you have any mood boards or music or other outside content you can give us to feel the vibe for it?

Feel free to answer any or all (or none haha) of these. Just wanna know something cool about your Halloween inspired fic ❤️

SAAAAAMMMMMMM I miss your face so much!!! 💖 I'm so glad you asked because Hallowed is one I plan on alternating with the next part of the Clean Slate trilogy!

So it was originally just supposed to be a spicy Halloween oneshot because some friends we know wanted something with vampire Shadow and werehog Sonic and I was like sure! I got this! But then my squirrel brain was like wait. No. We do not got this. This actually got away from us very quickly because now it's this big huge thing with a ton of world building and lore. It took me a while to outline actually. I started some of it and then changed it. Typing it out was fast, making it work in my brain was tricky and took the span of a few days once I actually devoted some time to it. Challenges I'm facing right now are the same I'm facing for pretty much everything with is burnout. Not from writing, just life lol I've been in burnout, officially, for two years and sometimes the words come slowly when my mind is overwhelmed and tired. I do have a playlist for it. I can send it to you if I want! I've got playlists for all my bigger fics. 😋 Some songs on Hallowed's playlist are: Darkness Inside - Astyria It Will Find You - MOONWATER Watch Out - NOCTURN, Kat Leon Satan's Arrival - Revolt Production Music KILLING TIME - Jordan Fiction So yeaaaaah lol as you can probably tell there is going to a fair amount of angst, mostly in the source of guilt and self hatred. And there is going to be a lot of spice too. I was looking at the outline the other day and chapter 2... good lord I was in a MOOD that day. Holy shit. My mouth fell open and I actually blushed when I read it lololol Anyway. A fair amount of spice lol Think sexy Van Helsing vibes.

[wanderinguncertainty]

Save me

I've been unwell lately, mentally. There's a lot of things going on in my mind that I can't help but to lose my composure. It only took a single question to blow up my peace of mind and make my insecurities, my traumas to resurface. That's why being kind and being discreet is a must, cause we don't know the battles that a certain person going through. And that's the least that we can do.

I was doing well. I was happy. I was enjoying my peace of mind. I was taking my time. I was doing everything at my own pace. I was motivated to do better in life. I was able to pull out myself from the dark place I've been living in for the longest time. Then someone asked me the question I don't wanna ever hear. I mean, not this time. And that question was enough to break my whole being. My peace of mind crumbled into pieces. My happiness was shattered. I started to question my self-worth again. I started to discern the feeling that I've been avoiding, the feeling of getting left behind. I thought I was doing great. I thought it's okay to move at my own pace. I thought giving my best was enough. But I guess, it's not. I guess it will never be enough. Now, I'm starting to go back to the place I was once in. I'm being surrounded with darkness again. I'm starting to drown with these endless thoughts and boundless questioning of self-worth.

I've been burying these unwanted feelings for a long time. It's not that I don't want to face them or acknowledge them but I just wanna breathe for now. I know for a fact that I am left behind by my batchmates. I know for a fact that they are getting married, engaged and building families, achieving their goals, starting businesses, travelling around the world, climbing corporate ladders and the list goes on and on. Meanwhile, here's me. The me that's in the same place for the past 7 years. The me that didn't make progress for herself. The me that prioritized her loved ones before herself. But, is it really necessary to rub these facts to my whole being? I'm aware that I haven't achieved anything yet for myself, but I was able to provide for my family. I was able to make my brother graduate in college and now, he's a registered nurse. I have small wins too, it may not be directly for myself but.. Aren't these achievements too? I hope people can appreciate these too and stop looking for the things that I don't have nor haven't achieved yet.

I've been beating myself up again to get a grip, hold myself together and just move on from it. I can't stay unstable for too long. I hate this feeling. I hate acting okay in the morning and cry at night. I hate wearing this fake mask and armor of strength when I'm at my weakest. I hate being sensitive. I hate seeing myself alone in these hard times but I also don't want to bother my friends and drag them to my own drama. I hate myself for relapsing. I could've just let it slip but why did I take that comment seriously? But, I really hate the feeling of not being enough, that my best wasn't enough.. Cause I've been giving my best eversince, I've been giving my all to everything, to the point that there's nothing left of me. I'm already tired. I'm already exhausted. I'm burnout. Still ain't enough? I'm sorry for not meeting all your expectations.

It's really funny how I remind everyone that I love that we have our own timelines and life is not a race yet here I am affected by one's comment. It's really ironic how I can save the people I love yet cannot save myself. I don't have anyone to save me from this loneliness, from this trauma. So I need to get up and force myself again, to save myself from all of these otherwise I'm gonna drown and might do something.. Cause at this point, at this moment, I just wanna disappear for good but still want to live. Sigh.

Ack, self. Please, get up. Stand up. Please continue choosing to live. Please, you have to keep going. You know yourself more. You're more than what they think. The world and the people living in it is cruel. But life is beautiful, right? I hope you can see the light again at the end of this tunnel. Keep going, please. Get back on your feet, please. Don't listen to people's negativity, just continue doing everything at your own pace. Self, please. Don't lose yourself. :(

[loremonster]

Things that happened with me in the last decade I didn't fuckin expect

Writing for the Batman fandom -> realize I'm a pansexual disaster who had a repressed crush on their best friend since gradeschool and that's why I was always trying to play matchmaker for him cause I wanted someone to love him the way I would have

Writing for the South Park fandom -> realize I'm nonbinary but didn't have the language to describe it even 5 years ago because my parents were conservative assfucks who tried to Just Not Talk About It even tho MY MOM IS THE MANLIEST MOTHERFUCKER I KNOW like 24 pack of beer let's go cut down a tree and set up a bonfire to cook over with a cast iron skillet, but LITERALLY cannot focus indoors long enough to cook an egg because OH SOMETHING OUTSIDE NEEDS TO BE DONE ( she has caused 2 fires ) and GLEEFULLY recounts whenever she's called Sir instead of maam or miss

Still Writing For The South Park Fandom -> Meet enough other autistic folks that I share life experiences with that I begin to seriously consider I may have been misdiagnosed as a kiddo as ADHD

STILL Writing For The South Park Fandom -> Fully accept I Need Help with my mental and physical health and recommit to the overwhelming process of dealing with the health system, including persuing gender affirming care once I got back to WA

Get overwhelmed when lockdown happens

Stop in the middle of an unfinished holiday special because dear god lockdown was hell and financial difficulty had forced hubby and I to move onto base where the national anthem played EVERY DAY at dawn and dusk ( a ritual known as Colors ) that IT IS EXPECTED FOR CIVILIANS TO STOP WHAT THEY ARE DOING, FACE THE NEAREST SPEAKER OR FLAG, AND REMAIN STILL UNTIL ITS OVER, but no one tells you that. Ever. If you're driving, you're expected to pull over with emergency flashers and wait until the anthem is over. Again, you are not TOLD this, and base police will come after you for it and threaten to revoke your base privileges; meaning RENDER YOU HOMELESS if you live on base.

I suddenly got REALLY interested in cults

Learned way too damn much about the Alt Right, as well as the older hate movements they grew from

Started Writing And Drawing In The Fallout Space -> Realize I'm a socialist and Holy Shit All The Things My Parents Told Me About History And Politics Was A Gigantic Crock of Shit They Got Sold In The 50's And Never Fact Checked

Burnt Out In The Fallout Space -> wow I really need to do more yoga if I'm gonna draw that much, stretching is important folks pls take breaks for the love of all that is good and holy

Lost My Routine From Burnout -> hoooooooly shit I'm Autistic how the fuck did I not realize this????????

Still Burnt Out -> but goddamn I DO WANNA DRAW THAT MUCH! I WANNA MAKE COMICS AND ILLUSTRATIONS WITH MY STORIES! I WANNA MOVE MY SHIT TO AO3 AND LEARN HOW THAT SHIT WORKS BECAUSE IM PROUD OF MY WORK AND I WANT TO SHARE IT, DAMNIT

So

That's where I'm at, lol

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

Hello my good folks! I am Alive! I can't make promises as to my activity but with any luck I should be able to actually come on here without feeling like I'm gonna induce a panic attack!

Basically: I got smacked in the face by sudden and unexpected burnout (though hindsight is 20/20 as always :/), which lead to me being unable to do basically anything, including create and interact with pretty much anyone, which lead to a depression + anxiety combo flareup (just as fun as it sounds /s), which lead to my ADHD deciding now would be just such a great time to go Mortal Kombat on me with executive dysfunction, which lead to further inability to create and furthered the depression + anxiety, which lead to my immune system playing Jaws music at the drop of a hat, and just as I was starting to feel a little better my period started as a final "Screw you".

I've also had lots of other priorities that didn't involve shoving down anxiety to interact with people through a screen, so Tumblr got shoved to the wayside.

So that's how my past few weeks have been going! In all seriousness, when this happens, Tumblr is one of the first things to go and usually the first thing to solidly return (happened two years ago as well), so I'm gonna take it easy and make sure that this doesn't feel like an obligation, but I'm doing much better.

[brandnewhuman]

Hey, bestie- uhm I might be taking requests soon! I write on mobile cause I don't have a laptop rn 😭 so it's gonna take a minute to write and edit but I'm actually kinda excited about it! Do you have any advice- (I feel cringe asking for advice idk why 😭)

Bro i- WHAT MADE YOU THINK IM SOMEONE YOU ASK ADVICES ABOUT WRITING? LIKE HAVE YOU READ THE ATROCITIES I POST?

But now seriously thank you for asking.

First of all, music. I needs lots of it and it has to be specific songs that can put me in the mood for what i want to write. Try to make playlist for sad scenarios or for happy ones ecc so its easier and you dont have to always listen to a single song for the whole time.

do not, i repeat, do not start by doing every single request one after the other without stopping and dont keep them always open ecc. I know it's exciting when people start to noticing you and ask for things ecc but if you do that, as I did, you'll get burnout really fucking fast cause ideas inspiration and motivation dont always come at the same time and as soon as you need them. Try to take a few and take your time with them, have fun most importantly and never try to impress but try instead to make yourself proud.

If your try to think about shit that can impress others everything gets harder so just think about what you would like to read or to see and go with the flow.

If some requests are boring, triggering or you simply dont like them/don't really feel like doing them then don't. You don't have to please anyone babe, you're here to have fun and to do something you love so if you force yourself you're not only going to get the biggest writer's block of your life but you're going to feel like writing is a chore.

Download google docs. I write from my phone too and its not only easy to use but its really comfortable and helps a lot with readproofs ecc

Make aboundly clear your boundaries ecc

Why i do when i have to start a request is to think about first as headcanons sort of format cause ideas go around more easily this way, then when i get a somewhat start point of what i want to do i start to get more detailed ecc

This are literally fanfics so do what you want with the characters. Have fun, personalise them and give them all the things and quirks, personalities and headcanons you want. You dont have to write every slasher/character as everyone does write them. Look at how i describe Bo for example; most people think of him as a person with anger issues ecc but I woke up one day and decided "yeah no you're just dumb and soft and husband material" then boom, himbo Bo. What i mean is that your opinion and your point of view is valid and important and makes your writing so much more fun and personal and interesting.

Idk besides that what else i can tell you other than don't be too hard on yourself and take it easy ♡♡