#then in 2015 or whatever i got into dan and phil and actually started posting stuff

[theheartnexttophan]

Ok, so I’ve not seen anyone else talk about this, but I think it’s really cute, even if it’s a really small thing that required a LOT of investigation and explanation. So here is my

Black Jumper Theory

Obligatory disclaimer: I can’t prove this to be 100%-beyond-a-reasonable-doubt-definitely-true, but I feel like the jumps I had to make were reasonable enough to claim this as a theory

So first off, in Keeping or Yeeting My Entire Closet With Dan, Dan mentions several times how Phil has a lot of sparkly black jumpers (he says things like “you have 10 of them and they’re all identical,” “he has so many identical sparkly black jumpers,” and “sparkly black jumper number 510.”) But when Phil puts on this zebra print jumper, while debating about whether to keep it, he says “you bought this for me, Dan.”

We know Phil got the zebra print jumper for Christmas in 2016, because in his first video on AmazingPhil in 2017 (2017 WANTS ME DEAD), he’s wearing this jumper and mentions how he got it for Christmas. He talks about a bunch of his Christmas gifts in the first part of that video, (including a deer candle from Dan) and for everything he shows, he mentions who gave it to him, EXCEPT this jumper; he doesn’t say who it was from. As of the Keeping and Yeeting video, we know it was Dan.

But looking at Phil's first videos in other years, we can see that he also wore a sparkly/patterned black jumper in his first proper AmazingPhil video in 2016 and 2018 (so three years in a row.) In 2016, he does talk about Christmas presents, but doesn’t mention the jumper. He does show a blobfish plush and say that Dan got it for him, but considering how we know Dan got Phil a candle AND the jumper in 2017, I think it’s plausible that Dan got Phil both the blobfish and the houndstooth jumper he’s wearing in that video. In 2018, Phil doesn’t mention Christmas gifts or the jumper at all. (Also, I did look back on videos and Instagram posts, and didn’t find any time Phil wore any of these jumpers before their respective Christmases as far as I can tell.)

So based on all this evidence, I think it’s a reasonable jump to guess that from 2015-2017, Dan had a tradition of giving Phil a black jumper for Christmas.

Which leads us to January 11, 2018, when Phil posted this selfie on Instagram wearing the sparkly jumper, and said he wants to legally marry it. Which is SO CUTE considering Dan probably gave Phil that jumper.

BUT for even more evidence, Dan liked this Instagram post, and at the time, they didn’t really like each other’s Insta posts, even ones they tagged each other in (unless they had a specific reason to, like promo posts, and not even all of those). You can see this in my terribly screen recorded video of the posts before and after this one. (Interestingly, it was right around the time that Phil changed his hair to the quiff that they started liking each other’s posts consistently.)

So, when Phil posted that he wanted to marry the jumper, I can’t help but think of how Dan probably gave him the jumper, and how Dan also liked this single post, when that wasn’t a typical thing for him… maybe Phil wanting to marry the jumper wasn’t about the jumper at all… (pharriage hill)

But like I said, that’s just a theory… a phan theory

(Not that I’m necessarily saying there was actually anything wedding/engagement/whatever happening at the time, it’s more just the sentiment of it)

[delphictrip]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

[dansevilpianotea]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Easter Baking - EXTREME TRIPLE CHOCOLATE NESTS

Date video was published: 04/04/2015 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 265

The first Easter baking video!

0:10 - that bunny costume is kind of terrifying. They had it from a merch calendar they made. Phil also posted a slightly disturbing picture wearing it.

0:11 - but Phil just thinks it’s funny enough to do the tongue-thing. He’s trying so hard to be able to make eye contact with Dan.

0:25 - Phil with the brief up-and-down look and then the casual grooming/fixing of his hair. And a fanfic reference. The start of this video is something else. “Pruning each other like monkeys” indeed.

0:38 - much less disturbing than the bunny head. Phil has so many “excuses” to just look at the start of this video.

0:45 - love that Dan did the decorating again, just like in the Halloween baking video. Yeah, they don’t have that many decorations...so apparently a lei and piranha plant flowers are “Eastery” enough, lol

0:57 - wtf Phil. And then Dan’s fond “you’re such a strange person” 🥺 Same energy as “nice to know after all these years, he’s still fucking weird.”

1:27 - Dan hyping it up. There is no reference to Delia Smith in this baking video, for the first time.

1:29 - WHY did they hang the bunny-head upside down in the background?! 😳

1:32 - I don’t know about the look in Dan’s eyes as Phil says “preparation” 

1:38 - Dan’s like...where is this going. Then the fond little giggle and Phil is so proud of himself.

1:51 - “not Japan” ...where they will be going later in the month. Dan with the subtle foreshadowing.

1:56 - this is not nearly as bad as the hanging bunny head, Phil...

2:05 - they had the silicone discussion in the Halloween baking video too...why are they so impressed with that. why Dan.

2:30 - I’m impressed that Phil actually managed to catch all of those.

2:58 - of course they’re open. It’s a running theme at this point that Phil has to pick at least one ingredient to eat ahead of time.

3:06 - lol at Phil in the back silently increasing the count 😂

3:13 - they’re better off when they don’t actually have to put things in the oven, usually

3:20 - jesus christ. It wouldn’t even be that bad, except Phil has such a strong reaction, lol.

3:23 - and then we have a jump cut and Phil’s top shirt button is undone. umm.

3:32 - every time they say “microwave” I think of PINOF 2

3:45 - Phil’s shirt is buttoned fully again. Smart to heat the water in the kettle first!

4:02 - “mate....s” nice save there Phil

4:31 - Dan finds everything Phil says amusing. And then is ready to play-off of it too.

4:50 - “never go full northern” I love it 😂

4:56 - Phil can do a very convincing deadpan when he wants to

5:15 - “just let it drip out” did not need to be said in that tone...

5:50 - Attack of Titan theme singing, of course. Also, so much Phil arm and freckles in this video!

6:01 - just over there giggling to themselves and leaving it in the video

6:10 - they did not balance that spoon well

6:19 - it is more that theme than Easter, lol

6:46 - the origins of the naked-man apron! I love Dan’s reaction when he first sees it. Phil is so pleased with himself.

6:54 - love the growth from not showing any further down here to Phil completely not giving a shit years later

7:00 - they’ve switched burners for some reason. Now Dan keeps calling it “extreme” too, lol

7:07 - Phil’s top button is undone again. What are they doing.

7:23 - love the choice to zoom in on Dan for his little “yeah”

7:32 - they love to have little songs for everything. Phil’s “yeah” was infinitely more disturbing.

7:50 - Phil’s fond teasing like ‘we have more bowls you idiot’

8:13 - I can’t believe they didn’t dump it completely at least once with the amount of issues they seem to be having

8:26 - “into my coffin” what is Phil’s brain.

8:35 - his voice isn’t that bad here, but it turned out he did have laryngitis 

8:37 - “husky sensual voice” thanks for sharing there, Dan

8:39 - well it’s far to late to worry about that; personal space does not exist in this video, lol.

9:05 - this is by far the least-complicated decorating they do in a baking video

9:12 - well neither of them are wrong...

9:29 - I live for Phil’s eyerolls

9:43 - not sure that zoom-in was necessary. The creepy bunny eyes in the background do not help.

9:52 - that’s an even better Phil eyeroll 😂

9:56 - I want to know what’s in the little white containers in the fridge door. It almost looks like extra of the melted chocolate, but I wonder what they were doing with it

10:06 - Dan looks so caught out, lol. This is quite a screenshot...

10:16 - no thank you 😨

10:24 - Dan does not like it either, hahaha

10:26 - and after the break, Phil’s shirt is fully buttoned again and he’s stolen the flower crown

10:35 - the “display unnecessarily” annotation is great

10:39 - Dan’s got the crown back

11:01 - and Phil with the crown again. Are we missing a crown-fight during the jump cuts, or did they just film things out of order?

11:04 - why does it vaguely looks like Dan is holding a baby

11:15 - Phil really does just say whatever comes to mind sometimes

11:21 - Phil is opening his mouth so wide, lol. Dan starts to go ahead, and then he paused and realized he needed to say something about it, probably.

11:31 - clearly Dan is not that concerned about sharing germs with a maybe-sick Phil

11:37 - “I’m a genius” Phil is so proud of himself.

11:55 - Dan immediately amused by trying to figure out what that means

12:08 - Phil with the instructions while trying not to laugh

12:15 - Phil arms 👀

12:32 - Phil’s not even on camera for the draw-Phil-naked intro here

12:41 - all the TABINOF/TATINOF promo had been on Dan’s channel and social media so far!

I love this baking video. Although I love pretty much every baking video. When it’s a simpler bake like this it’s less chaotic though, lol.

Also have to mention that this was the year of the first DanAndPhilCRAFTS April Fools Day videos (1, 2, 3) a few days before this.

[amerrierworld]

Curtain. (i)

Carol (2015) fanfiction 

Summary: An on-and-off job as photographer can only pay so much, so Therese Belivet has taken a job at an elementary school's art program to help pay the bills. One of her last jobs before the school year begins is photographing a preview night of a successful play where she meets the well-known artistic director of the show, Carol Ross. She forgets about their meeting until September rolls around and she starts teaching an inquisitive young six-year old by the name of Rindy.

Characters: Carol x Therese

Word Count: 1,491

Warnings: none yet!

June.

Therese was staring intensely at her laptop, watching as all the little photo icons from her camera began transferring over to her drive. Rain tapped gently against her windows and a can of Coke sat on her desk, half-empty. She had shut all the windows to avoid any light or outdoor distractions as she tended to daydream while looking out in the distance, but this time Therese was determined to get this job finished.

As she waited for the files to continue transferring, the brunette arched her back, yawning as her body creaked and popped from sitting for so long.

It had been three days since her lucky photography gig at the Hudson Theatre. Thinking about it still made her limbs jittery. It was a smaller theatre, but being the oldest theatre in the city and having hosted many successful shows, it was still a landmark. Therese had been overjoyed at the prospect of working inside the theatre for once and seeing all the ins and outs of the show she had been asked to document.

Her phone pinged from where she had haphazardly tossed it on her bed. She stood up and shuffled over, stretching again and giving her legs a shake as she opened a message from Dannie.

preview done. again.

how was it?

tbh a little messier than when u were there, richard kept missing his mark

of course he did.

yeah ross wasn't too pleased with him...

At the mention of the director's name, Therese's stomach lurched a bit, though she couldn't tell why. They had only exchanged a few words during the preview when she'd been there.

...anyways, manager wants to know how ur doing with those photos

workin on em right now actually

tsk that's too bad

why? did she need them now? i thought i had until next week

nah i was just gonna ask if u wanted to get some food and then get plastered w me and phil

Therese snorted and looked back at her laptop, which lit up, indicating all the files had been successfully imported. Temporarily forgetting about her conversation she hurried to glance through them, immediately noticing the faulty pics that she knew she wouldn't be able to use.

Her phone rang and she picked up.

"Is that a no?" Dannie asked from the other end. Therese rolled her eyes.

"Dannie, not responding in 30 seconds does not automatically mean no. But yeah, I don't know if getting drunk right now is such a good idea, I have a lot to go through. Plus, don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Preview isn't until the afternoon, Belivet. I have all morning to sober up."

Sighing, Therese flicked through a few photos, stilling as she found one of the director whose back was to the camera as she directed Gen, the lead actress, who stood off to the far side of the stage.

"Therese?"

"Hm? Yeah, for sure. I'll come for food, but I'm going home afterwards, I really don't want to be hungover. I've had three cans of Coke already, alcohol and caffeine don't mix well for me."

"Alright, sounds good."

"When do you wanna head out?"

"...now?"

At that, the intercom buzzed at Therese's front door, indicating someone was in front of the apartment building.

"Jesus, Dannie, really?"

"I know you're always hungry, Therese. Plus, getting off the subway from work at your place is so much closer than mine. Forgive me?"

"Ugh fine, give me 20 minutes to get ready though. I don't care if you're stuck in the rain outside. That's what happens when you constantly drag me out for last minute plans."

"Yeah, yeah, Belivet, just hurry your ass up. We're not going anywhere fancy cause God knows I don't get paid enough to afford anything like that."

"Is Richard coming?" Therese asked, brow furrowing in a split second of worry.

"Him? Nah. I actually think he somehow managed to lure Gen into a date tonight. I saw them talking after the show."

"Oof, poor girl."

"Yeah, maybe I should warn her, y'know. Get her out while she still can."

"Terrible idea, McElroy. You know how actresses are with stage hands."

Dannie barked out a laugh. "Shut the fuck up, Belivet. You're one to talk, considering you were ogling the director the entire night."

"I was not."

"Yeah you were. Now get going, or I'm gonna melt in this downpour."

Therese smiled and ended the call, closing her laptop and hurrying to put on some decent clothes before meeting Dannie outside.

-

"C'mon Terry, not even one shot? As a celebratory drink for this job and the next."

"No, Phil," Therese laughed. "I already told Dannie, I have work to do later."

"Alright, suit yourself, but that means I'm gonna drink extra just to make up for you!"

After having grabbed a bite at a cheap Thai restaurant, the McElroy brothers had dragged Therese to their usual bar even though she was still determined to stay sober.

"Do you even know how to deal with kids, Therese? Elementary school can be vicious, y'know," Dannie said, sipping his beer as he ignored Phil stumbling from his seat to order another drink.

"It's only part-time, Dan," Therese shrugged. "Plus, what kid doesn't like art? If one of them throws a temper, I'll just let him go ham on a canvas with some paint, no big deal. It's therapeutic that way."

"How'd you manage to get a job there anyway?"

"Well, their usual art teacher had to take a break for a year 'cause of an injury, so I'm just filling in for the younger grades. They were desperate for more staff for their programs."

"Jeez, is that allowed? You've barely worked with kids until now."

"I dunno. I did a full police check and stuff, besides I'm not hired for the school, just the programs afterwards so I'm not technically a teacher. But it's a small school with a shit ton of younger kids that often need an after-school program. Chances are they won't even need me in the New Year if the other teacher comes back."

"So they just really need extra hands on deck?" Dannie concluded and Therese nodded. Phil came staggering back with a glass of water, grouchy and mumbling something about the bartender not letting him have another.

"Yeah. What about you though? What's happening after Woolf?"

Danni sighed and slumped back in his seat. "Who knows at this point? Ross is taking a break too, from being artistic director-,"

"Wait, really? She's not retiring is she?"

Dannie smirked at Therese but ignored her sudden eagerness in the conversation.

"Nah, just something about needing to be home with her family. She's worked her butt off for the theatre more than anyone, so it makes sense she wants a break for a little while after this show's done. But she'll probably be back in no time, cause she's like that. In the mean time, Gerhard is taking over. I don't know what she has up her sleeve yet, but I'm thinking a typical Christmas show is coming up."

"Any idea what it might be?"

"Nope. Everyone's talking and wanting to do A Christmas Carol but it's been so overdone, and Abby's always doing unexpected things."

"Damn, I wonder what it could be," Therese chewed her lip in thought.

"You sure you're not just upset at the idea of Ross not working there anymore?" Dannie teased. Therese smacked his arm.

"Dannie," she scolded.

"What! Even a blind person could see she's literal eye candy, though she can be a tough boss. I'm not blaming you for liking her, but I am telling you that she's not as sweet as she looks."

"Hmph, whatever. She's probably got someone anyways, if she's taking a break with family."

"I dunno, Belivet, I've never noticed a wedding ring." He winked at her.

"God, you're the worst y'know?" Therese sighed, though her eyes were twinkling. "I never should have come out to you when all you do is tease me about every girl who I just happen to find kinda cute."

Dannie grinned. "That's what you get for being besties with the McElroys, Belivet. Besides, since Phil doesn't like girls, who am I supposed to go to when I get lady problems?"

Therese shook her head and chuckled before checking her watch.

"Damn, it's getting late. Alright boys, I'm going home. I really need to work on those photos. Don't drink yourselves to death, please?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Belivet!"

She grabbed her purse before going to hail a cab as Phil and Dannie waved goodbye, her mind whirling with thoughts of the intriguing blonde director. Therese wondered who she was, besides the 'literal eye candy' that she'd managed to capture on camera. Sighing, Therese shook her from her mind during the brief cab ride home, deciding it was best to leave her daydreaming behind for the rest of the night.

A/N: heh... hi. here's my take on carol/therese because i can’t get enough of them honestly. Let me know what you think; this’ll be a pretty packed series so enjoy :3 

I’ve also been posting my stuff on AO3 if any of you use that as well so you can find this and my other stories there too! <3 

[pasdhospitalite]

Context to the video ‘Not Coping (Conversation over Lunch with Mum) Video 1/1 on me, her, and MND’

In the video (please read the description on Vimeo and then this before watching AND before reading this - trigger warnings are on the video link page) my mum is surprised because she doesn’t think I’m a panicky person. I explain to her the trauma and panic I kept secret when I knew she was terminally ill. I knew this for sure about 5 years ago exactly (November 2013) although the official diagnosis came two years after that (late 2015). The context of this video discussion is that my dad died suddenly on 22nd October 2013 and my mum went for what she thought was a relatively routine nerve conduction study to get to the bottom of why she had a weak grip and muscle wasting in her right hand (we thought nothing of it) a week or two after my dad’s funeral.  As soon as that study was done and I saw the reaction of the consultant and his refusal to tell us what was wrong with her I knew something was wrong. I pressed him and he said “she has generalised muscle weakness that she’s not noticed. I will write to your GP and I cannot diagnose her”. I categorically do not recommend self-diagnosis or diagnosing others. But I went home and started researching. I did not yet recognise that my obsession with diagnosing her and processing her terminal illness before the official diagnosis was a symptom of my ill health at the time.  But I went home and started researching. I still had institutional log in access to academic journals because I’d taken an immediate, and what I thought was an indefinite leave of absence from my PhD at Royal Holloway upon the death of my dad from a sudden heart attack. I concluded that she had Motor Neurone Disease and, based on her age and accounting for large data sets in studies into MND and mortality that she had 2-3 years to live at best (only 10% of sufferers live a decade or longer with the disease and they tend to have been diagnosed at a younger age) and that she had the worst disease imaginable. I was not and still am not a doctor and so this diagnosis and its obsessions was a mistake. But it has been born out in reality. She has now been living with MND for 5 years. Don’t diagnose yourself or others around you. Wait and see until you’re given an official diagnosis. You can deal with whatever it is and carrying a burden of thinking that you or a loved one has got something awful wrong with them before you actually know for sure is quite literally (I choose that word carefully) unbearable. 

Putting that advice aside (I hadn’t taught myself it back in late 2013) my mindset at that time was that my dad had just died suddenly (I was grieving) and that I’d ‘found out’ that my Mum had an awful, awful disease and only had a few, increasingly unwell years left to live. The progression of the disease results in progressive and near total paralysis and respiratory failure with no effect on cognitive functions (usually). I resigned myself to quitting my PhD, or radically reformulating after her death, moved home from Oslo, and threw myself into being a chef at a Michelin starred restaurant in East Yorkshire. I knew I needed to work and to do things with my hands and to be part of a team. And I knew that the trauma I was experiencing would only get worse (or thought I knew) and I couldn’t even face the idea of reading a book or writing or researching or thinking about banal corporate art in airports, or returning to a different country away from my mum during the process of her dying. And I knew that she was dying 18 months before she got the official diagnosis.  In the video I discuss how I COULD NOT HANDLE (the only time I’ll ever capitalise for effect, I promise) all of this knowledge and grief and the anticipation of trauma pressing on me. We discuss coming to terms with terminal illness (there’s a lot of happiness still to be had) and not bottling things up. I’m currently detoxing from benzodiazepines and I explain how I started using drugs like that in the video too. The video is mainly audio and out of focus. 2 years ago I started trying to make a ‘proper’ film about my mum, bought a v expensive DSLR and audio recording kit and was totally paralysed by the responsibility I felt to make the right kind of film. All that thinking was total bullshit internalised on the basis of what I thought was expected of me. Fuck that. This is important too for context of starting, just starting, to make work about me and my mum and MND: On New Year’s Eve of 2018 (nearly 3 weeks ago) I started to draft a Facebook post thanking the people really close to me for giving me joy this year. I realised I could not do this without explaining why I’ve needed so much support over the last 5 years. So before I knew it I’d written 2000 words and the fireworks were going off on the TV and the essay had turned into the detailing of my dad’s death and my mum’s diagnosis so that the people I was thanking could understand why their support and inspiration has been so important to me, and especially how the joy and pain I have experienced in the last 18 months has been so important to me as healing. I’d also gone off on tangents, written really angry paragraphs about a perceived lack of support from Royal Holloway in the two years after my dad died (they terminated my PhD on a technicality) and still not gotten to thanking anyone.  That essay of trauma and thanks would probably reach 10,000 words and nobody would read it. I’d put it on social media and tag all the people and then they’d feel obliged to read it and that might be a burden. Plus, I’ve decided that having conversations like this with my mum is a better way of exploring issues of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, terminal illness, bereavement, family addiction, panic, perhaps undiagnosed PTSD on my part, and love, and joy, and pleasure. (We’re doing really well, by the way) I am only able to do this because I have got much better mental health now because I sought help after a panic attack in Spain (discussed in the video). But I am also fully aware that I am also only able to do so because of the amazing support I have received over the past 5 years from family and friends. I believe in situating one’s knowledge and that means acknowledging what makes it possible for me to be able to speak, to film, to function, to not collapse. It is especially over the past 18 months that I have met fearless artists who speak from the heart and seem to be brave without limits. I realised that I could be brave too and just say whatever I wanted to say about my life however I wanted to and that I couldn’t care less if anyone thought I was stupid or my speaking had no value or that I wasn’t worthy of being heard.  But I do care if this kind of story telling is useful for other people dealing with similar issues. I don’t want to cause harm. If you think I’m causing harm I want to listen to you. Please contact me.  So, here is all that thanks without that bothersome tagging that can seem as much selfabsorption as genuine and radical gratitude. I’m thanking these people either because they have always been there for me and are unequivocal friends who I can rely on and put my life in their hands if I need to, or because they’re amazing role models and have given me hope and fire and zest and inspiration. I’d become a person who hid for a few years. I’m not hiding any more.  It’s no coincidence that the majority of people I’m thanking are woman. I hope I can give as much as I can take. Thanks to, in no order of importance, Tom Williams, Rosalind Williams, Claire Stansfield, Jon Stansfield, Phil Johnstone, Cogs Stansfield (no relation, I think...) Dan Morris Lea, Natalie Morris Lea, Kathryn Thomason Stripling, Richard Thomason-Stripling, David Parkinson, Rachel Houmphan, Max Houghton, Lewis Bush, Jane Thomason, Grace Oni Smith, Jasmine Johnson, Vivienne Griffin, Lisa of @BlueBagLife (sorry I don’t know your surname!), and Rachel Pimm. I’ve hyperlinked to your work to point anyone who might have gotten this far to how AMAZING it is!!! If I believe people should insist on welcoming an unexpected guest three times then I should give thanks three times too. Thank you, thank you, thank you. There’s joy in the video. If you’ve got this far I hope it’s useful. 

[caustic-crow]

Markiplier Appreciation

I don't think I've ever properly made one of these, except for Ethan, so bear with me. There's going to be some rambling, some of my crying while typing, some laughing. But I just really felt the need to make an appreciation post for @markiplier for everything he's done.

I want to start off with the first ever Markiplier video I watched. Now. I don’t really remember; I started watching him in the eighth grade, and a lot of memories of this year has been blocked out. Suffice to say, had the video not affected me, I would not be writing this post. Eighth grade for me was 2014-2015, and if I’m being honest I don’t remember what Mark was doing then. (Now that I think about it, I’m like 95% sure the first videos of his I ever watched was his Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs series. I think. Maybe?) Anyway, whatever video it was, it started it all.

I’m not going to lie, my interest in Mark has waxed and waned over the years, giving way for a large period of Dan & Phil (which is still happening) or Jacksepticeye (equally important as Mark and D&P) or even obsessions with various bands or fictional characters that have saved my life. But it’s always been there, and I’ve always come back to his videos. Mark has always been a sort of rock for me, whether it be through his silly one shots, serious videos, longer, more in depth series (such as Until Dawn or Prey, for example), or things like A Date With Markiplier and now Who Killed Markiplier?. Mark has always been there.

It’s almost weird to type, to try and put into words how much someone you’ve never even spoken to can mean so damn much to you, but I feel like I need to. Mark is my fucking hero, so fuckle the buckle up because if you thought I was done, oh boy.

This is about to be an adventure for you guys, as only one other person, the person who was experiencing the situation with me at the time, knows what the fizzity fuck happened to make me understand just how much Mark meant to me. This is going to be weird, and I’m actually weirded out explaining it, but here we go. A few months ago, around February or March (maybe April?) I was a part of this group of friends, it was me and four others who I won’t name for privacy reasons, as I’m about 99% sure one of them now has me blocked. Three of these four people, for whatever reason, hated Mark. Whenever I (or my friend) brought him up, they would instantly come down upon him with a reign of reasons why he was terrible. I, at the time, was already afraid of being outcasted again due to another incident I now refer to as the “anime-bullshit bullshit”, simply tried to ignore the comments made and mainly dismissed them in an attempt to keep an already walking-on-eggshells friendship stable. But it felt weird. Wrong. I had watched Mark for so long, respected him for so long, that simply shrugging off these comments and not defending my reason for loving Mark as much as I do felt like a betrayal. In a way, to me, it was. It sort of put into perspective just how much Mark meant to me. You may be asking why this is relevant. I’m getting there, don’t worry.

Because of this situation, I looked back on my time as a subscriber to Markiplier, looked back to ask myself how these people could possibly hate Markiplier? To me, Mark has and always will be someone who can make me smile when I feel like absolute garbage, On more than one occasion, he’s uploaded a video with a specific message exactly when I needed it (even though this is sheer coincidence to some, this type of coincidence means a lot to me), and he’s the reason I have such a strong appreciation of dedication. Mark is the man who makes me want to grow as a person, and he and his team have created such a sheer overwhelming amount of appreciation for hard work, acting, camerawork, and editing for me that I just can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t appreciate him. He’s my role model, and I’ll be quite honest, he’s saved my life on more than one occasion. The whole thing caused such a revelation to me that it still shakes me sometimes.

Recently, Mark went on hiatus, and on Friday the 13th, released the first episode of Who Killed Markiplier. All of the episodes (including the comedic relief in between, God bless you Team Iplier) carried such excellent cinematography. The effects, the backstory (well, this may not exactly apply to the comic relief, but you feel me), the storyline itself, the acting, the characters, the stunts... it’s all so fantastic and so well put together that when I was watching it I got so invested that I felt like I was in the story myself. Which is likely how Mark intended it to be. I’m rambling a bit, I know, but I just dgnjurdfhgiI I love it so much leave me alone. Anyway. what I was trying to say is, Mark puts so much effort into his content, into doing what he loves, into everything (including fan interaction someone please let me hug him I need a markiplier hug okay) and I genuinely can’t fathom a world without him.

Long story short, if it wasn’t for Markiplier I’m not sure where I’d be tbh, and he deserves love and appreciation and I’m going to go cry about how much I love him and over the ending to WKM goodnight

[redrackham87]

COMMISSION ME TO CREATE YOU SOMETHING?

Hey everyone!

The short version is that due to continued unemployment, my financial situation is edging ever closer to Defcon Dire and a good friend gave me the idea that I might try opening myself up to commissions, so here we are. I’m hoping that someone out there just might be willing or interested in taking me up on this. :D

What I’m offering:

-fandom graphics (like these or these or these)

-fics (drabbles to 5k or so, to start, but we can talk if you want something bigger - my ficpages here and here)

-general graphic designer stuff (do you need a poster? A fake book cover for you story? This friend who needs wedding invitation designs and has a tiny budget? Etc?)

-heck, I’ll even do a hand-drawn doodle if you really want one (examples here and here and here. These are not high quality – they’re just fun, silly things, but you want to donate a little for one, I’m 100% game!)

INTERESTED? LET’S TALK SOME MORE.

(either check below the cut or go here)

~~~

If you’re interested in a FANDOM GRAPHIC:

This includes: computer/laptop wallpaper, banners, icons/avatars, forum signatures, art for your fic, art for somebody else’s fic, fanmix covers, general fandom graphics. (ficart examples here and here and here)

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I strongly prefer doing something for a fandom I know, but I am willing to branch out into fandoms I don’t know, as long as I can find decent screencaps of the characters or actors in question. (Note: I am not super great at doing heavy manips (ie. for AUs) though if you absolutely need a manip, let’s talk!) Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs (preferably no slash, but I might be to make it work). There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). I have zero clue how to do gifs/animated gifs and cannot offer those.

4. Timing & Process: a graphic typically takes me about 1-4 hours, give or take, depending on how easy it is to find caps, quotes, etc and how easily it comes together. I will create the graphic and send it to you for your approval.

Unlike my tumblr gifts each year, this is a graphic you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file (jpg). You’re free to share it wherever, however, as long as I am credited where you can (ex. In your author’s note if it was ficart, on your blog if it’s a post on your tumblr, in the description if it’s a fanmix cover, and so on).

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, but as a baseline:

-small graphic (icons/avatars, forum signatures): $5 per

-medium (fanmix covers, banners): $10

-large (wallpapers, ficart, custom posters, etc): $15-30, depending on complexity

~~~

If you’d like A FIC:

This includes: drabbles (5 to 500 words), fics 1-5k long. If you want something larger, contact me.

1. Fandoms: Supernatural, Avengers/MCU, Star Wars, Lost, Chuck, Better Off Ted, Star Trek, Doctor Who (2005), Man From Uncle (2015). These are what I’m most comfortable writing in, but if there is a fandom on this list that you have a burning need for, talk to me. (It’s been 84 years since I wrote Harry Potter, but I’d willingly give it a try again!) I may need time to re-familiarize myself with canon. ;)

2. Pairings: pretty well any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m against doing, so just ask me. :) Gen fic also VERY welcome! I can’t write slash, as it’s just really not my cup of tea. (That being said, I can write gen friendship and you are totally fine to read it however you want.)

3. Subjects/Themes/Genres: adventures and/or angst with or without a side of ship, genfic, hurt/comfort, humor, character study, mystery/suspense, sappy fluff, tragic death (canon or not), tropey fic like best friends to lover, sharing a bed, fake dating, found family, i hate you stop saving my life, unexpected broship. Anything time travel related. Also willing to try AUs - especially monster hunter, assassin/thieves/spies, fairytale, coffeeshop, apocafic (if you want an AU, let’s talk, because some AUs just don’t work for me) - and crossovers between my listed fandoms.

I am possibly willing to write an OC, but bear in mind if you have an OC as the lead or secondary lead, writing time will be MUCH longer so I can work that out. I will even be wiling to attempt some shorter, sappy or gen, non-explicit, reader insert imagine-style fics for SPN or MCU. Again, if there’s something you don’t see listed, just ask me! :)

3. Restrictions: Nothing explicit/smut, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it). Unending darkfic, super violence/gore, rape/abuse of any kind (*unless it’s just referencing a canon event), incest/threesomes/moresomes, kinky fic, horror, mpreg/pregnant/kid fic (just super not interesting to me and I wouldn’t do it justice!), crackfic.

4. Timing & Process: fic writing time for me varies enormously. As a rough baseline, after we speak initially about the idea, I’d like a few days to brainstorm and then present a vague outline to you for your approval. Once writing actually begins, I estimate taking a few days to bang something out, then editing begins. I can and will send you weekly email updates and/or snippets (and you are 100% free and encouraged to poke me constantly about progress!).

You are free to keep the finished piece to yourself or share it however you like, as long as I am credited as the author. This is for you, so I want to do what I can to make you happy. So in the event that I’m not doing something you like, we can chat about that!

5. Pricing: depending on the prompt, pricing will range anywhere from $10-$75. If you’d like to negotiate a price, I’m totally cool with that.

-under 500 words: $10

-1 to 5k: $30 – 75

-5k+ : talk to me

~~~

If you’re interested in GENERAL GRAPHIC DESIGNY STUFF:

This includes a very wide umbrella, so it’s probably a very good idea if we chat first. But some basic items that could be included here: posters, cards, invitation design (wedding, birthday, finale party, etc), fake book covers for your story project, labels, banners, nicely put quote on a t-shirt, etc.

1. Whether you need something for your blog or for some personal project, hit me up. I’ve got a hearty portfolio and experience with freelancing I can share with you, so come talk to me.

2. Restrictions: I can’t do your art/school project for you so don’t ask. I can’t print your item (that’s up to you on your end!)

4. Timing & Process: this will depend almost entirely on the project at hand, so again we’ll have to talk first. A simple project (ie. poster) can take as little as an hour, where as a set of wedding invitation options can take as much as 6 hours. Regardless, I will create the item and send it to you for your approval and keep you updated on general progress.

This is something you are donating to make, so you can request any changes you’d like (within reason) and I will do my best to accommodate you! You get the final approval on it. Once the changes are complete, I will send you the completed file(s) (jpg, pdf, etc). You’re free to share it or print however. I’d love some form of credit, though I recognize a physical printed thing doesn’t allow much for that, so do whatever you can. :)  

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on the size of the item and time involved, so talk to me first and I can give you a better quote (all prices negotiable). But as a baseline:

-small/simple (ex. simple poster, labels, quote on a t-shirt): $10 - 20

-medium (ex. fake book covers, smaller banners, simple invitation): $30 - 50

-large (ex. multiple invitations, wedding stationary set, set of cards, more complex/time-consuming projects): $50 - 200, depending on complexity and number of pieces required

~~~

If you’re actually interested in a HAND DRAWN DOODLE:

Congratulations! I honestly did not think anyone would be interested! XD

1. Fandoms: the list is long and mighty. I pretty much can only manage fandoms I know. Crossovers welcome.

2. Pairings: pretty well any gen theme (about a character, quote, episode, show/movie/book, etc) or any het pairing including rare pairs, AU pairs, and crossover pairs. There is the odd pairing I’m completely against doing, so just ask me. :) Also willing to do lowkey, non-shippy doodles of Dan and Phil.

3. Restrictions: Do not expect a note of realism. Seriously, you clicked on the example links, right? XD Nothing explicit, rated R. No incest, underage, or extreme age gap pairs (unless there’s timey-wimey reasons for it).

4. Timing & Process: usually, I just get an idea or feeling and sit down and doodle it. I could call it a sketch, but that’d be doing a disservice to sketches everywhere. XD It takes me anywhere from a few minutes to as much as a few hours to complete a doodle, depending on complexity. I would draw something up and send it you for approval and/or changes, if any.

5. Pricing: for the most part, it will depend on your prompt and the complexity of the scene, but as a baseline:

-simple doodle (one character, no background): $5

-medium (1-3 character, minimal or no background): $10 - $20

-large (3+ characters, minimal to moderate background): $20 - 40, depending on complexity

~~~

“Okay, I’m interested, what now?”

Message me. Drop a note in my ask, send me a tumblr message, a FF.net or LJ PM, and we can exchange emails and go from there!

~~~

If you have any questions about anything I listed or didn’t list, JUST ASK. :) I would love to chat with you about this project before you spend your hard-earned money!! I want to be able to create something just for you and hopefully help out my weeping, hollow bank account in the process.

Thank you!! :D

~Red Bess

[nuclear-clusterhug]

tagtagtagtag

thank uwu @ayakashi-chan

1: Why Did You Chose Your URL?

because happiest nuclear winter is a really good brobecks album and custerhug (that is not on that album) is my favorite brobecks song and im very happy that idkhow remade it!!

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

this is actually a sideblog, my main is @torta-a-hab-alatt where i reblog non-fandom shit, this is my fandom sideblog, and i made a dreamsmp ccs related sideblog called @sapnapsimparc because i know for a fact that most of my followers on here wouldve just blocked my minecraft tag anyway

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

2015-ish? i think i had it before but thats when i actually started using it probably

4: Do you have a queue tag?

no. if i come online i make it everyone’s problem.

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i wanted to break the “tumblr girls are suicidal and fake-deep” stigma but then i “fell in love” (read: had a crush on someone who hated me) and it suddenly became real

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because its Buck. its a gif originally that i found and saved but he just. smiled in a way. that i needed to make it my icon.

7: Why did you choose your header?

because this was the first ABF bway jackbox quote that felt relatable for me. i too cry regularly in my bedroom and also on musicals. not in musicals like him, but almost.

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

i hate to say it but its an “oh you havent heard?” meme based on panic at the disco’s song there’s a good reason these tables are numbered honey you just havent thought of it yet. i hate both my post, the fact that it still gets notes from time to time, and that i know the title by heart.

9: How many mutuals do you have?

i have no idea. i think most of them either deactivated or rebranded so i have no idea who’s still here from like. my dan and phil era, which was the biggest part of my blog for years, you know? but hey if we’re mutuals, i love you!!!!!!!!

10: How many followers do you have?

on this i just reached 500 a few weeks ago, on my main i have around 200, and on the minecraft one i have. uh. 38. its a slow business.

11: How many people do you follow?

507, but again, many people i used to follow left tumblr, but i just dont have it in me to go through it and see if they are still active i guess

12: Have you ever made a shitposts?

have you see my blog

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

im the living example of that post that goes “i open tumblr, i get bored, i close tumblr, i get bored, i op-”

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i get told off for posting negativity in og tags sometimes, but i think thats it? i also got told to touch some grass the other day, but it wasnt a real big fight i dont hink? i think im too small of a blog to have real arguments

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

even if i do reblog them i go back to before that reblog on it so the “everyone needs to reblog this” part is gone. everyone needs to reblog and post whatever the fuck they want. and there IS such thing as “it doesnt fit my theme”. fuck you.

16: Do you like tag games?

i used to love them but then everyone i used to tag in them disappeared and now i just feel like my followers know me well enough lmao

17: Do you like ask games?

would love them if i ever got any asks lol

18: Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i dont think mish follows me but she made the “so true best tits” post so i think she’s famous enough and im glad i can call her my streamer

19: Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i dont know who my mutuals are but no. i think this pandemic killed the part of me that had crushes lol

20: Tags!

no <3