#there are a couple I don't like anymore and some that are for Deeply Specific Headcanons so they're not all getting posted

[drawnbinary]

[aziraphales-library]

How about fics featuring denial of their love? Or that explore specifically Aziraphale's denial.

You can check our #denial of feelings and #not actually unrequited love tags for fics like this. Here are some more to add to the collection...

What friends are for by Melime (T)

Back in his shop after evading Furfur, Aziraphale starts to wonder about Crowley's new name, and almost comes to a realisation.

But The Smoke Clears When You're Around by midnightdragons (T)

“Mhm,” Crowley mumbled, before closing his eyes, curling back up around Aziraphale, and promptly falling back to sleep, one hand hooked loosely around the angel’s middle, his face pressed into his chest. Aziraphale looked down at him, his heart seizing in his chest, and gently hugged him close. “You are silly, my sweet boy,” he whispered breathlessly, sparing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead. “And I . . .” Love you, he wanted to say. Wanted so badly to say it, to reveal it to the world, if only for a single moment. After the Armageddon that wasn't, Crowley can't rid himself of the trauma caused by a certain event, and shields himself with defensive anger and a mask of irritation. Aziraphale convinces him that it's okay to rest and recover. (Alternatively: purely sleepy intimacy, comfort, and fluff, accompanied by the lingering scent of smoke in a bookshop.)

Everything by IneffableDoll (G)

“Oh angel, I’d wait to the end of the world.” Two love confessions, two thousand years apart. Denial is a heck of a thing.

reply to my tenderness by losttrackofmysoul (T)

In the beginning, there had been Crowley, Aziraphale and the Garden containing the start of human kind. A couple centuries later, the red string of fate appeared and things got easier for humans and vastly more complicated for a certain angel, specially when he discovers his own string, which shouldn't exist in the first place, is tied to the demon he's known for 6000 years.

Nothing Else Matters by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

When two angry Archangels drop by the shop, Aziraphale pleads with Crowley not to intervene. After surviving a harsh punishment, can Aziraphale be honest about why Crowley’s safety is so important to him? And can Crowley work though his guilt for not protecting Aziraphale?

Definitions of Love by organizechaos (T)

Aziraphale thinks that all the abuse and trauma he endured in heaven is ‘love’. After being freed after the apocalypse, the angel is beyond happy. He wants nothing more than to spend eternity with Crowley but the demon is ready to put a name to their feelings. They both know that they care for each other deeply and when Crowley finally has the courage to put it in words (‘I love you’), it sends Aziraphale spiraling into believing Crowley will start treating him like heaven did. "We- we don't have to pretend anymore.” Crowley stuttered out, golden eyes looking frantically about the angel. His sunglasses were clutched tightly in the palm of his hand, “The apocalypse is over, it has been for years. Can't we- can't we say it now?" his voice wavered only slightly. "I don't love you, Crowley." Aziraphale emphasized each word to better help the demon understand. He had never truly loved something in all his years of existence, he didn’t think he was capable. To love another being — especially Crowley... "I could never love you."

- Mod D

[rozieramati]

i think i've discovered the meaning of life

3/9/24

i have an affinity towards crows. it runs very deeply in the lore of my contract with the universe (ketu is rampant in my chart.) there's a herd of crows that: wake me up in the morning, leave feathers (from other birds) in the screen of my door, are always on the part of the roof that's above my bedroom, etc. one time i caught them organizing things they found in a straight line. it feels so strange, especially because it always happens when there's a huge change in my life. intuitively it feels like protection of some sort. i don't know. i usually divert from sharing stuff like this on the internet for fear of literally sounding insane. there's just this whole mystical side of existing that i really don't have a choice in ignoring. elephants in asia are burying their young at a specific gravesite and i'm supposed to wistfully let that go? there's rituals and lives and thoughts and emotions all around us. within a phone screen and beyond the screen view, in the walls of your room. there's emotions in the air when dust particles strike your nose to make you sneeze and get the fuck up. there's emotions in the first person you talk to, if you decide to get out of bed that day. there's emotions in the atmosphere of your neighbor's house, who may or may not notice you slamming the gate on your way to the coffee shop every morning. there's emotions in the barista who asks if you want the green tea or the latte, as they anxiously hover their hand over the ipad that holds your answer in its system. the emotions, the atmosphere, the divine, it slaps me in the face everyday whether i like it or not. that's why i make music, it feels like one of the most widely accepted forms of divinity in our current world. creation in itself is magic. every fabric of our being is working within a framework particularly built for us to toy with, to alchemize and create from. i hope they ban tik tok. it's not a place for creativity anymore. it's ruining everything it means to be human. what is everything it means to be human? creation.

humans create simply by existing. the seat you sit in on the bus creates the instant that someone sees you taking up that space and decides to sit next to you, across from you, or to stand instead. humans create when they breathe and one germ coalesces with another. then it runs through the body of someone strong, but not strong enough to be woken up without a sore throat. then that sore throat takes itself to a doctor. then it goes to the pharmacy and runs into a person they don't know yet, but will not be able to live without within the next couple of months. sore throats, bus seats, doctors, and pharmaceutical soul mates, all of which were created by us. the sore throat was created by some doctor or linguist, i'd presume. why does love always come when we're inconveniently stricken with illness? why are subway chairs that slippery muddy orange color? why why why. it's because we created it, it's because we are human and even more so, we are animal, we are mud, we are lily petal, oxygen, and feather in the screen door, a hand with lines on its palm braided between the fates and free will. the crows have something to say and create, just as much as we do. that is the meaning of life. from the creation in which we are born, we must continually give back by creating ourselves and others.

sometimes i forget where the beauty lies. i'll re-read this to remember.

[sapphixxx]

Honestly one of the things that is most instructive about woodworking is that in some pretty common cases you can make a mistake that is just fundamentally unfixable.

I made this chisel handle a couple days ago:

Last night I tried putting a bit more taper on it, to try and make it feel even better in the hand. Well, long story short, it didn't. And because this is just one solid piece of walnut being shaped to form, once you take material off, well, you can't really put it back on. There is no way to take it back to how it is in this picture.

And on paper that sounds like a pretty shitty feeling, and an overall failure. But ultimately that's too narrowly focused on this one specific piece of wood. After all, I don't plan on just making this one handle and no others after. Over time I'll be putting a lot of handles on a lot of things, and this gave me vital information for those future ones that I couldn't have gotten any other way.

For one, making this botched handle will make making a replacement much easier. It took a long time filing the tenon that fits into the blade's socket to find the exact dimensions. Now I have an example to work off of.

As well, now I know that, at least with this specific chisel, I prefer a larger straighter handle with minimal taper and a smaller groove around the circumference for the finger to register in. I couldn't have gotten that information unless I tried seeing how it feels with greater taper and a more deeply rounded groove.

So ultimately this allows me to make better pieces in the future, and, even if this handle isn't as comfortable as I would like anymore, it is still fundamentally a perfectly usable tool, and using it like this will give me even more information on what a better handle to replace it with will be.

You have to make bad projects to make good projects, because in a very literal sense you use those bad projects TO MAKE the good ones. A poorly balanced chisel can be used to make a well balanced chisel, which cannot be said for a chisel with no handle at all still lingering in my project drawer.

[erstwhilesparrow]

I just saw that post you reblogged about archiving MCYT stuff - is there a particular reason stuff disappears so often? (That's very cool people are putting in so much effort to preserve it, though; big respect to that tbh)

reyni! :D okay i should be clear upfront that some of my information may be incomplete here because (1) i don't have twitter and (2) i'm not directly involved in any mcyt archival efforts. also putting this under a cut because it's long and i do need to reference recent events involving abuse and sexual assault:

despite mcyt = minecraft youtube(r), a lot of stuff relevant to mcyt happens like. exclusively on stream? really, really ~plot-critical or deeply characterizing stuff happens on stream sometimes and never makes it into a youtube video! and on twitch at least, unless you explicitly set it to save your vods, twitch will just delete them after a certain number of days. i don't know exactly how this works if you stream on youtube but also my impression is that a significant majority of people are not streaming on youtube anyway. since fairly early in my time in mcyt fandoms, there's been concern about creators not saving their own vods, and on top of that, sometimes you save a vod and it gets taken down anyway for copyright infringement (playing copyrighted music, the creator themself asked for it to be removed, etc). so like. as baseline, there's a sense of inherent ephemerality to the medium. that post i reblogged is explicitly pushing back against the description of mcyt vods as "a constantly burning library of alexandria," and in light of the evidence that follows i agree (and also am a little weepy about the efforts people make to save these things), but that sense doesn't come from nowhere, you know?

speaking of that post though, i suspect this archival stuff is coming up More now because it's been a rough couple of weeks in mcyt fandom. several really influential creators in the space were recently outed as being abusive or predatory in a way that's caught a lot of attention, and many people in response have been (understandably!) deleting their fanworks or otherwise distancing or removing themselves from mcyt fandom. i want to be clear, i know stuff gets deleted all the time in fanspaces -- the internet is kind of just Like That in terms of how easy it is to lose things -- and it's incredibly fair to go "no, even if there was a strong distinction between character and creator this leaves a sour taste in my mouth and i'm not doing this anymore." i don't want to pretend that no one has ever deleted a fanwork outside of mcyt spaces, and i don't want to insinuate that it's bad to vocally revoke your support of those creators -- those people have done awful things and generally failed to meaningfully apologize or take accountability, and it is worth remembering and saying so. but to give you a sense of numbers: antimony-medusa does monthly stats on mcyt fic on ao3, and dsmp, which even after it's kind of died off has seen monthly increases in the range of hundreds of new fic per month, saw a decrease of roughly 800 fics. other fandoms have similarly seen decreases, and video blogging rpf, which ao3 treats as an umbrella for basically all mcyt stuff, saw an increase of 51, as compared to last month's increase of (approximately) 3500. and that's just fic -- there's also a rich trove of animatics, fanvids, fanart, etc that i don't have any numbers for, but i've seen people talking about deleting those, too, you know? you see how people might be worried about what we are losing.

at this point i think your question is answered, but if you'll forgive some baseless speculation here, i wonder to what extent mcyt is also. complicated by how closely character and creator can sit? i don't know how other people feel, but there is a difference to me between "i've written fic about This Person Specifically (or, arguably, their streamer persona which may be somewhat divorced from the Real Life Human Being Behind The Screen)" and "i've written fic about a character this person plays." i dunno, there's a sense to me of the flimsiness of the line between creator and character and then also of the line between creator and fandom that i think makes it harder to be like "okay, i am doing my own thing, separate from the creator, so i'm going to keep my stuff public even if i don't stand by it 100% anymore." i remember when i first joined mcyt fandom, there was a period of time people were really worried that the creators were actively on ao3, or that fans would try to send their fanfic directly to the creators. i thought to myself, "well, if anyone Tries Shit with my work, i will simply delete all my relevant accounts and disappear." that's... not really a back-up plan that i feel good about these days, but. you know. it's been a thing, if not always for the same reasons, and i do understand the impulse.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 93: Normalcy 

TWs in tags

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"How did you become immortal?" No reason to beat around the bush.

Jane smirks. "Why would I tell you that?"

"You want to die. I want you to die. We can work together here, I just need all the information."

"And you think that you can come up with something in your mortal lifetime that I couldn't come up with in tens of thousands of years?"

"Yes. Have you even been trying lately? Maybe it's a matter of new technology, or the number of times you try. Maybe the 100,000th time you slit your throat it'll work." 

She rolls her eyes. "I've certainly tried any new technologies that have come about since I first became immortal. I'm always trying. I'm always starved or dehydrated or sleep-deprived enough that a mortal would be dead in my position."

"Let me help. Tell me how you became immortal."

"I already told you. I got my powers the same way you got yours."

"That doesn't make sense. You're not a mage. You don't follow the rules of magic."

"That's true. I still got my powers the same way you got yours."

"I didn't get anything, everyone has magic they're able to harness. I learned magic, I didn't get it from something. Did you learn immortality somehow?"

Her eyes narrow. "No. It was completely out of my control."

"Then we didn't 'get' magic the same way!"

"We did." She sighs. "If you can't figure it out from there, then there's no way you can figure out a way to kill me. Fucking idiot."

She vanishes. Off to torture Kitty, probably. Fuck.

You'll figure it out. This is better than nothing… assuming she's not just fucking with you. You'll have to ask Puppy about that possibility.

You do your best to ignore Jane pulling Kitty downstairs. It'll only be a couple hours, then you can comfort them. Just a couple hours.

From there, it's an unfortunately very normal day. Kitty screams from the basement. Puppy cries for a while longer, but then she starts her chores, and things are as normal as they could be. You wait until she looks a bit more calmed down before talking to her.

"Jane said she got her powers the same way I did." You tell Puppy. She freezes for just a moment, then continues wiping the window she's working on.

"Does that match with what you know?"

She nods ever so slightly.

"Thank you." At least there's that. Jane was probably telling the truth. From there, surely you can figure something out…

Jane is much, much older than you. You didn't exist when she became immortal, so how could you have gotten your powers the same way she did? She didn't learn immortality, so was her specific set of powers innate in the same way that magic is innate to everything? But why would her magic work differently from everything else? Does she not know? No, she must, because Puppy nodded when you asked if she knew how Jane became immortal, and there's no way she would know if Jane didn't know…

You think about it until your head aches too badly to think deeply anymore, without coming to any conclusions. You're close though, you're positive you're close. Every day you get a little closer to-

Your thoughts are interrupted by the basement door opening. Kitty collapses at the top of the steps.

You and Puppy rush to their side, careful to not touch them without permission..

"Do we need to bandage anything? Will you need stitches?"

Kitty groans and shakes their head. They're twitching all over. Just the shocks, then… but you can't imagine that getting shocked for hours a day is safe, why is Jane willing to risk their life like that??

The thought is gone as soon as it arises. You need to focus on helping Kitty right now.

"Can you walk?"

"In… in a minute. Don't help me." Tears stream down their face. "I want- I want things to go back to normal! When I wasn't drugged all the time and Puppy wasn't muzzled all the time and you weren't- you had some semblance of self-preservation!" 

Their sobs sound agonizing, and they probably are. Their throat must be torn to pieces from screaming, and their whole body must be so sore that any movement hurts. Your heart breaks for them.

"Or, or the normal from before you went into the basement! Why'd you do that? Why'd you run away?? You just make things worse!"

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. Whether this anger is genuine or not, now is not the time to have any tough discussions. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"No!" They sob and sob and sob. "Someday it'll get worse! Someday this'll be the normal I want to get back to! It just gets worse and worse and I can't take it but I don't have a choice!"

"I'm going to get us out of here. Things won't go back to normal, and this won't become our new normal. I'm so close, I can't talk about it very much for obvious reasons, but I promise this won't go on for much longer. You have to trust me."

Kitty just cries. They don't trust you, at least not right now.

"It'll be okay. You only have to deal with this for a bit longer. Just hold on."

"I can't not hold on! I don't have a choice! There's no getting out of this!"

"There is, there is, please just trust me-" You're getting nowhere. "Just breathe. In for four, hold for four, out for four…" You repeat the mantra until Kitty can follow along fairly easily. "There you go. Wanna play go fish?"

They sniffle and nod slowly. This whole situation is so painfully normal for the three of you. How many times have you done this exact thing? How many times have you comforted Kitty through a breakdown and offered them a distraction in the form of a game? How many times has Puppy been near while you do that, wanting to help but being unable to?

It won't be normal for much longer.

~~

I admire Peyton's commitment to maintaining a fairly normal life. It's silly, and it means I can hurt her so much worse than if she just isolated herself, but I admire it. It's gutsy. 

She has a girlfriend now. It's a new relationship, a week or two old at most. I had to find out through following her around, of course. She would never volunteer that kind of information, she's not that stupid. But trying to hide something from me was never going to work.

It would be fun to make her girlfriend's life a living hell. It would be fun to make everyone associated with Peyton suffer and suffer endlessly- she'd feel so guilty! I still get some entertainment from our current relationship, though, so I should wait until it's boring to start adding new stuff. Still, it's fun to think about.

She has a date with her girlfriend tonight. Maybe we should play that game where if she says a certain word I kill someone… what words do people usually say a lot on a date? Or maybe I could have it be something like having her make sure every sentence she says has an even number of words. As long as she has to think about it all night, as long as she can't pretend she has a normal life, anything will work.

I want to see her scared again. I want her to have more nightmares about me. Usually purely psychological torment like this takes too much work to be fun, but as long as I have my pets at home as an easy source of entertainment, I can have a longer-term project too. I want to ruin her life without ever touching her. I want to change her, make her into a shell of herself, and then, when that gets boring, take her home and see how she reacts to physical torture.

But I have to be patient. Slowly strip the normalcy from her life, bit by bit.

She and her girlfriend are going bowling tonight, so I am too. I'm really good at bowling, with so many years of practice, so I focus on trying to knock over exactly 3 pins every round. It takes her a while to notice me a few lanes down, but when she does her face is priceless.

I slip in and out of my void throughout the night, since I can't hear her without its help. Bowling alleys are loud. If anyone besides her notices me vanishing and reappearing, they don't point it out. She tries so hard to act like it's still a normal date, but both I and her girlfriend see through her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah of course. I'm on a date with you!"

Her girlfriend frowns and keeps bowling.

Peyton can't get me out of her head. Can't stop thinking about what I might do to her, or her girlfriend, or any of the strangers in the bowling alley. Oh, this was a great idea!

When the game is done, she drives her girlfriend home and then heads home herself. The moment she's alone in her car she speaks.

"Is there something you need, Jane?"

I don't answer.

"I know you're there. Do you want to talk about it? What did you get out of following me around tonight?"

I don't answer. Peyton just sighs.

When she gets home, she does her normal bedtime routine without acknowledging me again, even though we both know she knows I'm still watching. I was kind of hoping for a breakdown, for her to beg me to appear and explain my behavior to her, but whatever. There'll be plenty of other opportunities for that.

"Goodnight, Jane."

She turns out the lights and goes to sleep. She better savor any hint of normalcy she can get- it'll only get worse from here.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Four more chapters before the start of season 4 :)

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole

[tomwambsgans]

i've wavered a lot on how much gay romance/sex experience i can reasonably believe that greg has had but i think i'm settling permanently into the idea that in desperation for approval + need for money he's allowed himself to be the side piece and lowkey sugar baby of a couple closeted/married guys before, and those guys ultimately dropped him bc they couldn't risk being found out anymore and/or chose their wives over him, and it's heavily informed greg's relationship with tom.

like he still almost certainly has this Type but he recognizes (possibly through therapy) that it's probably unhealthy, or it's probably indicative of daddy issues that he needs to work out and also of a bit of a savior complex bc he's helped some guys realize things about themselves which in turn saddles him with all the emotional labor, and most of all it means he's not placing enough value in himself if he gives his whole self to someone who won't give their whole self back. so i'm thinking Current Greg has outright made the decision to not let this happen again, to not play that role anymore bc he needs to respect himself and not settle for just any amount of attention especially not negative attention. maybe he's even internalized a bit of a sense that maybe it's men who are the problem, and/or shame of being the one who is the object of desire bc it emasculates him. and he realizes he's been letting himself be misinterpreted as a more submissive figure than he really is just for the sake of being desired. it feels better to have control, and most men who might be interested just don't want to let him have it, so greg overcompensates by clinging to women as an option too? but just never feels substance there beyond feeling a little better about himself.

and of course tom comes along and greg quickly recognizes some hints of him being closeted, but there's way more plausible deniability than past guys bc tom is just SO deep in there. and dating greg's own cousin no less. and greg is tired of this sort of routine before it starts but still finds himself falling into it, getting dependent on tom's approval specifically because of how it's buffered by bullying, (lowkey being kind of aroused by the bullying and really wishing that he wasn't bc it makes him feel pathetic), learning more about tom and observing him and shiv and seeing how deeply unhappy the guy is and seeing that whole relationship as the source of tom being Like This and thinking maybe there's a chance that he can leave shiv and things would be different? bc it's getting increasingly obvious that his hostility is a front that he wouldn't need to have if he'd just leave her? BUT them tom retreats further into the closet and greg doesn't have time for it, he's resolved to have more respect for himself, he doesn't want to waste his energy on someone who doesn't want to change, he's not going to try to figure out what tom wants, least of all from him, when it doesn't seem like tom himself knows what he wants.......

but then tom just keeps doing these things. that no one else has EVER done for him. in between all the corporate climbing and greg trying to get in with his own fucking family and find stability that he's never had, tom keeps staking his foot in greg's life, making it clear he needs him around. wants him around. tom's wife is cheating on him and he's letting her do it and he straight up attacked greg for trying to tell him, but he wants to pretend that that never happened and he doesn't just want greg under him, he wants to hang out. he wants to wine and dine him. he protects him. and it seems so much all the time like tom is gearing up to legitimately try to start an affair with greg but he'll never quite get there, he'll bring his marriage back up like a wall and take 5 steps back into the closet like this constant fucking cycle of emotionally edging the both of them.

i think greg often wants to hate tom but more than anything he's just exhausted with him because he really, truly, very much cares about him. and feels so bad for him. but he knows/believes tom himself is not doing any of the same introspection and would get defensive even if greg tried to do it for him. he probably thinks he's best off trying to get over those feelings until tom comes round and does those things again - touching him, smiling at him in a way that no one else will, praising him, making him feel needed and wanted, providing for him, fucking kissing him - and it feels so undeniable that this is going to be something, and that that something simply could not be found anywhere else, that it always feels worth it to stick around through the next wave of defensiveness.

if/when tom finally does physically act on his feelings i do think greg (in the context of this hc) would feel it's different this time, given that he knew tom even before he got married and he's well acquainted with the exact unsatisfying nature of tom's marriage (or lack thereof). he'd know that he's genuinely not the side piece this time, and that tom actually sees him as he is and likes it, even and perhaps especially everything that's wrong with him.

[alightbuthappypen]

twenty questions for fic writers

As a treat entirely for me I get to do a meme. I wasn't tagged and I won't tag anyone but invite anyone who wants to do it to treat yourself too!

How many works do you have on AO3?

33, though 3 of those are posted anonymously (2 RPF that I'm not wholly comfortable having attached to my name anymore, 1 based around a Problematic Trope that I'm too chicken to own up to)

That's like an average of just under 2 fics per year I've been posting to Ao3, ha.

But I probably have about 20 wips for CQL alone, you know how it is

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

92,993 apparently.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Pretty monogamous at any given time - obviously CQL right now, though I did slip out that cathartic Good Omens thing earlier this year.

Previous big hitters (by my standards) were Dragon Age and The Musketeers (BBC version, yes I know)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

From Now On (陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) (1,013)

The Look You Give (陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) (995)

Retrospect (陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) (552)

In the Quiet It Will Grow (陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) (507)

A natural liking (Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV) (487)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I go through phases...I think it's polite to, and I do try, but also when I comment on a fic I don't actually expect a response from the author (though it's always nice!) so I don't angst about it. I obviously LOVE comments, it's not for lack of caring.

When I don't respond it's always because I end up overthinking what I should say, like does "thank you! <3" ten times in row look insincere.

Sometimes I go on a reply binge and start responding to really old comments, and that probably looks weirder.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think I gravitate towards bittersweet or melancholy endings generally, though not usually real downers. Stories that take place within an angsty point of canon are good for this, like

A Promise (X-Men: First Class)

A Kind of Cruel (BBC Musketeers)

Probably angstiest of all is the very short For the wounded (Dragon Age: Inquisition) which is set in a Bad End post-canon.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like "happy endings" suggest some kind of narrative arc and most of my finished fics are too oneshotty to really have that. But I'd say my fluffiest, most angst-free are probably:

Safe Keeping (Dragon Age: Inquisition) 

Nights Bright Days (Good Omens)

A natural liking (Good Omens)

In the Quiet It Will Grow (The Untamed)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think I've ever got a hateful comment? If I have I've repressed it. I've had a couple that I wasn't sure what to make of, or which I felt misinterpreted what the story was about, but nothing mean.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

DO I. Smutty oneshots my beloved.

In terms of like, sex acts, pretty vanilla, though I think some of my favoured tropes could be considered Problematic (a bit of dubcon, Cloud Recesses arc smut). Whatever it is, it has to be extremely emotional. If the participants aren't experiencing heightened emotions of some kind and having them described in long introspective paragraphs it's not me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, my tastes are deeply boring and I have zero interest in crossovers or most AUs.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

In the Quiet It Will Grow was translated into Brazilian Portuguese with permission, though I didn't realise it was going on wattpad and didn't think to ask (it's fine, but I do prefer the Ao3 "inspired by" function). A bit random, but still, flattering.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I kind of like the idea but I think I'm too precious about the process and have too specific an idea of what the final piece should be.

I do love the collaborative storytelling of D&D, but prose is a whole different matter.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Surely it's whichever one you're into at the time of asking? So obviously right now it's wangxian taking up most of my brainspace, but really most of the serious ships I've had I still have affection for. But wangxian is the only ship I've done both art and fic for, and overall feels like the deepest cut.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

SO many unpublished wips, but Against your will is one of my two published wips and for that reason I would like to see it finished, but unless I get back in and refamiliarise myself with the canon again I don't think it'll happen.

Also I have all these other wangxian wips that are like...look at them, they're everywhere, spilling out of my pockets, strewn across the floor of every room

16. What are your writing strengths?

My method is usually to overwrite then trim back to the bare bones so I think my finished prose usually feels quite..."clean", and to the point. That might not count as a strength to everyone though!

In terms of things I most commonly get good comments about: characterisation, emotion, and clear description of action (people can easily picture what's happening)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, maybe? I hope it doesn't feel weak in the finished story but it's definitely the thing I find hardest - I'm very conscious of dialogue feeling right for a character and it's usually the part I rewrite the most.

Also actually sitting down and drafting stories in the first place. Obviously.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I mean, I don't speak any other languages and dialogue is hard enough so god, no, unless it's a word or expression that is used by the characters canonically.

I don't mind it in fic as a reader but if I'm having to copy-paste paragraphs into google translate just to figure out what's going on I'm probably not going to persevere.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, you mean the Buffy self insert fics I hand wrote in a notebook 14-year-old me kept under their pillow.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This is hard because...I'm pretty happy with most fic I've published. I can definitely see flaws but overall if I've finished something and stuck it online I like it, and I've reread every one at least once (I am my own target audience).

Secondly, I think my favourite fic is usually the one or ones I'm in the process of writing. I'm always trying to improve and like to think the next one I finish will be the best I've done (unrealistic I know).

That said,

Keep Burning (Dragon Age: Inquisition) is a fic I'm still really proud of. It's far from perfect and I remember it being a tough experience to write but it came out mostly how I wanted in the end. It still feels like one of the most emotionally...honest things I finished. Also I know it made people cry, and I don't know if anything else I've written has done that.

Also There Grew Between is probably the CQL fic I'm most satisfied with, I just think the pacing and structure work really well and it's the one fic I wish got more love because I like so much how it came out.

[danikatze]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @tj-dragonblade! I'm not sure if (m)any of these answers will be interesting at all, because apparently I have a bad memory for ships apart from the ones I made fanart of myself, and I haven't read a lot of fanfic for a long long time.. But I've attempted answering these questions anyway!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

I didn't ship much as a teen. I liked the Marauders gang from HP a lot as a kid, tho, likely even in a shippy way. Obviously HP has left a really bad taste my mouth.

Which ship would you consider your first one?

It was probably a HP one, I was properly obsessed with Sirius, James and Remus for a long time, but like I said, I have a hard time telling when I started consciously shipping characters.

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

Hinata and Naruto and it was baaad. I guess it was maaaybe kind of cute, but it was not good.

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Not at all. The most likely options are anyone from HP, Death Note, or InuYasha, but it hasn't stuck with me.

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nah, the closest I've gotten was the time I got put on a blacklist (or two?) for a shipping Yamato and Sai. I didn't care and so didn't address it, until someone sent me a (kind) message about it. I then explained my feelings about the problematic aspect and the (few) responses I got were 100% positive.

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently?

There are plenty of ships I don't particularly like, but I wouldn't call them NOTP's. Except maybe the very very popular ones. I only take real issue with ships that become canon, like a fair few Naruto pairs..

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Reading has been hard the last couple of years, so I haven't done much of it.. But it has to have been a Dreamling fic - I'm so excited you've been writing again, TJ 💖

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

MatsuMasa, although they're not my otp in the literal sense. I like them both with Yaichi, and Matsu (non-romantically) with Ume - and the fun thing is that it works all at the same time 😎

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into?

Hmm well I'm kinda mad at not being as into Dreamling as you are, TJ. I like Sandman and Dreamling! Very much looking forward to the second season and I enjoy the things you blog about, but it's never been more than a general appreciation. And that's fine, ofc, but it's always been such a joy to be excited by the same things as you haha

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting?

Maybe KakaGai? Only I didn't dislike it, just didn't consider it. And I don't think it's kind of interesting, I deeply love it.

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I already mentioned YamaSai, but there's also ShisuItachi. Some people say that the latter is incest. It's been too long and I don't remember their specific relationship, but afaik they're not (direct) family, just from the same clan. Can't get too bothered about family trees in fiction.

Kikyo and Kagome from InuYasha is by some considered gross as well, comparable to incest, because Kagome is Kikyo's reincarnation?

Idk, is FjorClay problematic, because Caduceus is canonically aroace? I feel like it's not a super popular ship anyways, but I still like them a lot. In a queer platonic way.

What is your favourite crack ship?

I don't think I have one. Although I wonder if JonGerry from the Magnus Archives could be considered crack ship? They aren't from different fandoms, but they only met once after Gerry had already died. And then at Gerry's request, Jon sort of killed him again. It doesn't really count as a crack ship, but this is my answer anyway

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

Hm, I don't know! The last time I really obsessively read them was in my Naruto era.. So who knows - KakaGai is a very plausible answer.

What do most of your ships have in common?

I guess I most commonly like pairings with a Gentle Giant™ (preferably kind of dumb) and someone grumpy and/or cynical and smart and/or skilful. MatsuMasa, BeauYasha and ShikaChou come to mind.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Hard to explain. Wrong vibes lol. Look I can appreciate love-hate or even hate-hate relationships as much as the next shipper, but there needs to be at least some level of respect/consent/two-way-street? I still dislike SasuSaku, because they very much have none of that from what I remember. They've always been close to a NOTP and then they became canon so..

[jovoy]

so i've been hoarding my ulta rewards points for soooo long (i have like $250 in points) and now i'm finally spending them but i don't know exactly what i want to get!! thinking about maybe getting some Snif samples, maybe some new hair products, a set of L'Occitane hand creams... do you have any ulta faves?? should i get lots of little things that i've been wanting to try or one big special thing?? idk!!

ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh my god have you come to the right person ..you are speaking to the ultimate ulta sephora makeup shopper in general basically of all time i am insane im like crazy i have a shopping problem legitimately this response is going to be so long actually let me put this under a fucking read more because its going to be like ten miles long.

i would need to know more about your specific likes and dislikes personally but i ALWAYS recommend l’occitane stuff their hand creams especially are so lovely!! they dont carry their full range of stuff in ulta but i also love their almond milk concentrate it smells sooo good like yummy sweet milky marzipan and it makes your skin so soft. but its so expensive. if you like eye makeup the natasha denona palettes are so insanely good also and not too outrageously priced imo for the quality especially! they are some of the greatest eyeshadow formulas on the market i especially love the i need a nude palette and the my dream. and snif has never deeply impressed me but if the notes look interesting to you definitely go for a sample set! theres no frags at ulta that i absolutely die hard adore honestly..i have idole nectar that i got w my own points lol that i like quite a bit! and vacation edt is good i have that that i also got w points lmao but its not summer anymore so it wont be appropriate to break out for a while now again.

IF you wanted to get one big splurgey thing ulta does carry pat mcgrath now and her palettes are to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for motherships are so wonderfully amazing like owning an art piece fr….but thats if you like eye makeup. let me just make you a couple of sample carts of stuff i would buy actually and live vicariously through you

these are just a couple oflike random configurations of things around the 250ish mark that i thought you might like!! and stuff that i would personally buy thrown in LOL. i can make you more if yoy want although im not well versed in like haircare cuz my hair is pin straight and i dont do much to it other than it being color treated hehehe

they also carry chanel makeup and i love the liquid blush thingy its so cute…i would love to try more of chanels makeup so i would def be buying theircream bronzer + more of the blushes if i had a bunch of points to redeem. and prob a dior lip liner or two cuz they have those now

if you want more like specifically curated recommendations literally let me know and i will try!! i love doing this im obsessed with makeup and beauty and stuff literally i would love to help you out more i live for things like this ok mwah

[cchapsticck]

15 questions. Stuff bout me! Thanks for tagging me @greenlikethesea!

1. are you named after anyone?

Okay kind of a funny story. When it comes to my deadname the story goes my parents were so sick of fighting over what to call me that that name was like a hands in the air okay fine concession between the two of them and neither of them actually liked it all that much. The name (and variations on it) I go by these days I am, without meaning to, named after two people. I share a deadname with one of my closest and oldest friends, and a mutual friend of ours has a condition that makes it difficult for him to distinguish faces - and we both have a similar vocal quality so we were particularly difficult for him to distinguish without someone having identified who was who in conversation. So he started calling her "Senior" and me "Junior" because calling us by the same name was just an additional complication for him keeping us distinctive and Junior stuck hard. My father's middle name is just the letter J, which someone at work started calling me and now everyone does. And I work a lot. So I am called it a lot. So that happened on accident.

2. when was the last time you cried?

I think it was before I had surgery, which was. Two months ago? Three? I forget how time works. I was scaredexcited. I'm not really a big crier, but I definitely have watershed moments of "cry a lot now" a couple times a year.

3. do you have kids?

I do not and I don't think that I will. I have a lot of respect for people who have and raise children, I just don't think I'm well suited to be a parent for a real smorgasbord of reasons. I like kids just fine though! My friend's kids are super cool and I always enjoy my time with them.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I guess occasionally? I think when I do its this very intentionally hyperbolic version of it so as to not be misconstrued when I'm joking. If I'm ever going to be sassy about something I think I'd say my "style" in that arena is a bit more deadpan, but still very unserious. I tend to be a very earnest person so things like sarcasm are pretty much always employed as a joke.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

/john mayer voice My Body Is A Garbage Can 🎶 my ramshackle horrible body is not cut out for sports, but in my youth I played hockey and figure skated. (midwest baybeeeee) I skipped out on my physical education requirement in high school by being in marching band for 4 years.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

So I am deaf and I spend a lot of time looking at people's mouths, I read lips to fill in some lost information that my hearing aids don't reliably provide me with so it usually takes me a few encounters with a person before I start to notice other details about them beyond the lower third of their face. Sometimes I'll notice people's eyebrows, or if they have glasses or freckles but the specifics of their features don't always sink in right away.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Green!

8. scary movies or happy endings?

For my own personal enjoyment? Always always always a scary movie. I love a scary movie. Good, bad, doesn't matter, I want to watch it. A friend of mine and I spend entire weekends just watching the Shudder back catalogue and we've found some incredible films. (Please watch Death Spa I'm so not even kidding) I am a whole sucker for a practical effect. I also love a scary movie with a happy ending!

9. any special talents?

I always know where the car is parked.

10. where were you born?

American Midwest. Round the lakes. Y'know. The big ones.

11. what are your hobbies?

I'm one of those suckers who made their hobby their job so I genuinely enjoy garment construction and costume crafts. I also like to write and garden and live music.

12. do you have pets?

No not anymore. I had cats in high school (I am so deeply allergic) and we have had to put two of them down over the last few years and our last remaining guy lives with my mom. My partner and I raise carnivorous plants though and we've named all of them and talk about them like they're essentially pets.

13. how tall are you?

5'6"

14. favourite subject at school?

I always loved my English classes, far and away the classes I put the most work into and excelled at. I also took a radical dramaturgy class in grad school that changed the way my brain functions. Which is probably an extension of an English class tbh. While not a favorite: I'm good at math, but I don't actually like math. I often joke that I'm good at math against my will - I had a lot of math tutoring as a kid so now I can like. Do long division in my head and shit.

15. dream job?

Y'know, I'm not sure I have a dream job. I really like what I do, I work in the arts - live theater and I wear a lot of hats at the regional theater I spend most of my time at. I've put a lot of time and effort and lost sleep into trying to make a living doing something that feels worthwhile to me personally as an artist and important to the community I'm in and making that art accessible to that community but I'm also happy to go home at the end of the day, its easy for me not to think about work when I'm not at work.

So I think the dream is more to have a job that I like, that I want to be at most days, that feels worthwhile, but also to have a healthy work/life balance with that job. Y'know?

[thedilucharem]

"Huh? Taxes?"

Inspired by a fierce need to keep my mood as alleviated as possible and thoughts about how they view taxes as well as some speculative world-building as per usual. Written in one shot as beta is for cowards. Borders on crack, but I attempt to keep the authenticity of the characters alive.

One evening in Spirit's Keep . . .

Beidou: (slightly buzzed, wipes her upper lip of beer) Did I ever tell you about the time I was tax-exempt because I was clinically dead for over two minutes?

Childe: (pauses, asking in disbelief) What?

Beidou: (casually) Yeah, I get it, Liyue's tax laws get really weird once you start really thinking about them. I think you can still get tax-exempt if you're brain-dead for more than two weeks though, right?

Zhongli: (nods, holding his teacup) I believe so.

Childe: (to himself) What the actual fuck?

Zhongli: (did not hear him or did not care) This exemption was originally written into law as some individuals during the times of the Cataclysm did indeed die, but were able to come back to life through certain means and circumstances. (pondering) I believe they were legally referred to as 'the undead', though I can't think of many extreme examples like those that would apply to today's age.

Beidou: Yeah, and the loophole doesn't work even anymore either since a couple folks in the Qixing patched it up. (elbows Childe lightly, jokingly) So don't go trying to die on me, eh?

Childe: . . . would a Snezhnayan even get one of those exemptions?

Beidou: (shrugs) Probably not, as you ain't from here and they tax you different over there.

Childe: (under his breath) That was a rhetorical question. (to Diluc) Comrade, does Mondstadt have anything like that in your taxes?

Diluc: (simply) I don't pay taxes. No one in Mondstadt does.

Childe: (stupefied) Huh?

Diluc: (sighs while putting his grape juice down) Due to Mondstadt's history and recent events, the Church of Barbatos sees tax collection as 'heresy' and will actively put a stop to any attempts like it that start to pop up.

Childe: . . . But how does that even work with how your public stuff is set up?

Diluc: (matter-of-factly) Citizens are encouraged to donate and most of them do so happily. The wealthier families see it as some sort of 'honor' to fill the coffers, though it's more for the sake of tradition than anything.

Childe: And you do too?

Diluc: (coolly) My time, service, and contributions are more than payment enough.

That is a resounding no.

Childe: (slowly) . . . sure. (to Itto) And you?

Itto: Hmm? (looks up from a half-painted figurine, paintbrush in hand) What's up?

Childe: (curiously) Your taxes, comrade. How do you do them?

Itto: (genuinely) What are taxes?

Zhongli and Beidou promptly spray their respective drinks through their nostrils in surprise and shock while Diluc fishes out a handkerchief for each of them, shocked, but certainly not surprised.

Childe just becomes more numb than he looks.

Diluc: (frowns, somewhat concerned) You don't know what taxes are?

Itto: (quickly becoming indignant) What? Am I supposed to know what they are? Does it have something to do with fines or whatever?

Beidou: (chokes back her shocked laughter, blowing into the handkerchief) I mean . . . kind of, I think?

Childe: (exhales deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose) You've been alive for this long, and yet you have no idea . . . (in disbelief) How are you not in prison?

Itto: Huh? Prison? But I didn't do anything!

Zhongli: (coolly, recovered) Consider the fact that he has a deputy that likely takes care of that for him in place of himself.

Try telling me that Shinobu isn't certified in personal taxes for this specific reason.

Childe: Oh. That makes plenty of sense, actually. At least, I think so. Most other people probably do their taxes themselves, right?

Beidou: Pfft. Not me, that's for sure.

Mora-Grubber is a god at finding loopholes in tax law.

Diluc: If I have the time.

Elzer does them and that's only for exporting.

Childe: Yeah . . . I don't do mine either.

Snezhnayan bureaucracy is good at their jobs.

Itto: (nudges Zhongli's shoulder with his own, back to painting his figurine) What about you, Gramps?

Zhongli: (sips his tea, smoothly) I don't believe I've ever had to worry about that.

Hu Tao had the foresight to hire an accountant and they advised her to set aside the part of his paycheck meant for his taxes.

---

I find the idea of Mondstadters hating taxes due to the implications of a higher class of people doing it to them to be hilarious. There's also a certain strangeness the outsider attributes to the children of Liyue talking about taxes as if that's a normal thing to discuss. Itto does have an idea of money being 'taken' for certain reasons, but Shinobu has yet to break that down for him. Childe just trusts the system.

I can offer no further explanation other than because I can and because I wanted to.

[lyraeon]

what kind of streaming stuff do you do? i followed you back in the day for your fanfiction and i genuinely have no clue what you do now lol

Haha, yeah I kind of vanished off here for about 5 years cuz of real life stuff (jobs! gallbladders! cars! divorces! moving!) and in the mean time became a full time content creator and transcriptionist. Somehow.

I'm still technically mainly Minecraft but I'm definitely feeling that fandom negativity burnout over there so I've been doing a lot of other stuff too. So I do worldbuilding heavy stuff like Horizon: Forbidden West and literal world building stuff like Astroneer and Cities: Skylines mostly, but also puzzle-y stuff like Escape Simulator. I've been doing a playthrough of Inscryption this month. I used to do a lot more shooter-y type stuff but I got sick of Destiny and I can't personally play Overwatch with good conscience anymore :( so I'm in between games there.

So kind of... mixed bag of stuff that is on the "we're here to vibe and chat" end of things as opposed to the "showing off how good I am at games" end of things XD I'm there for the adventure, and maybe some meme strats, not for the biggest win or the fanciest build.

Which, within Minecraft itself, I'm kind of builder-adventurer in my own mind? I love to build unnecessarily accurate recreations of real things - right now I'm making a functioning Subway restaurant - and build on the diagonal far too often.

(Mind you, I'm in the middle of changing my medication so I've been hilariously inactive the last couple months, but that should be ramping back up soon. I've been doing YouTube for the last few years too, but that's on a temporary hiatus for the same reasons.)

In a lot of ways I'm an extremely different person in an extremely different place than I was a few years ago - but it's also because I was still super nebulous about who I was and what I wanted in life. So people who followed me specifically because I wrote fanfiction and were always "meh" at the social/political/mental health posts probably will want to bail, and definitely wouldn't be interested in anything I stream. Whereas people who liked my blog for the rest of it, or who followed out of generally enjoying my writing as writing and wanting to see the thoughts and opinions of the person behind it, will probably enjoy sticking around and also might enjoy my gaming content.

My fanfic days are past me. Not in a "it's something for the youths" or an "I'm embarrassed by them" way, but because I'm now someone who has a fandom and receives fanart and has had fanfic written about their character, which I feel like makes participating very deeply in any fandom a little awkward now. It's just very, "it's not my place", y'know? Plus it's just not something I have the spoons or energy to put into - my creativity has been honed in other directions, and while writing is still one of them, I'm primarily writing worldbuilding and speculative evolution type things right now. My typing speed instead goes into captioning YouTube videos and transcribing old scanned documents on a freelance basis (I don't like being a starving artist lol). And the rest of my creativity is off in all the video editing and Minecraft builds, lol.

(In retrospect, maybe I should just have started a new blog... but I really liked my Dashboard and figured I'd rather pare down the things that no longer suited me from that than try to rebuild from scratch XD)

Thanks for having been around so long, and no worries if this place isn't for you anymore. Times, tastes, and people all change! Take care of yourself <3

[emperorsfoot]

For the ask box game:

I want you to know that an older fic of yours about Evil-Lyn’s parents, Fall of Zalesia, had some of the most fascinating, meaningful, & sensible societal worldbuilding I have ever read.

The Ram & Shepardess roles as well as the customs between them & everything else about their community in the aftermath of war was something so richly made but with no equal that I have found before or since.

The polyamorous/polygamous(?) nature & rules of their relationships as well as the existence and acceptance of those who do not partake was…brilliant.

I do appreciate the portrayal of respect, concern for safety & consent, & devotion in sympathy with healthy open relationships the characters portray. It is written so well and conscientiously to the many perspectives therein. It’s so honest and refreshing.

((This next part is a bit tmi but, an ex admitted cheating on me & in the same sentence excused the action as stemming from polyam desires. I was blamed for not mending the situation by agreeing to an open relationship. The funny thing is that, before the fact, I would have been open to try & my ex knew that, but after…I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

I would never hold it against polyam ppl & their relationships but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t made me sensitive to related topics. I have since moved on and hardly recall that past pain anymore when consuming content with polyam themes.))

Fall of Zalesia invokes an unmarred sense of wonder & curiosity to see & understand how others live & love that I had not fully felt since before I was hurt. Thank you for sharing your work so that I may indulge in this experience again. I feel like I have gotten a piece of myself back. :’))

You are a phenomenal writer. 🌻❤️🌻

(P.S.: I know there are many dark and serious themes in this story. I don’t mean to romanticize, I’m just in awe of how cool and thoughtful your writing is. Take care!)

Anon, your story is so moving, I am near tears. I stopped writing "Fall of Zalesia" because I thought I was the only one who was into it. I had no idea that someone else was not only enjoying it but being affected so deeply.

Yes, my headcanon of ancient Zalesia was a sex-positive society and part of sex-positivity is accepting those who don't want to participate in sexual acts, as well as accepting and making space for those who want to explore multiple partners. Rules are build into their society specifically for poly relationships.

The Shepherdess is the head of her household and hold authority over her husbands and sons, as well as he daughters until they achieve the age of adulthood and gain their own independence. If two or more people who do not have a formally recognized union want to sleep together, they must seek permission from the Shepherdess(es) that are the heads of their respective households. (This is why Maligna tells Nick that if he desires another Shepherdess he should tell her before the communion orgy so she can "negotiate" with the other woman and agree on the boundaries of their couplings.)

Before I stoped writing, I also had plans to explore gender identities within Zalesia. I don't recall if I even put it in or not, but in an earlier chapter when I explain that Nick's uncle was Ace I say something along the lines of "Bash-Or is a mischievous goddess and likes to put people in the wrong bodies". I was planning to have one of the younger Rams who returned from the war with Nick, now that the war is over and all the soldiers finally have time to consider other things besides just survival, that they would realize they're not really a Ram, they're a Shepherdess and Maligna would take her on as an apprentice.

I still think about this fic more often than you realize.

Now that I know someone else is interested and it means something to someone, I might try and go back to it. (I hope I can still find my notes.)

Thank you so much for sending this Ask. It really means a lot to me!

To anyone curious, this is the fic we're talking about:

[sisterssafespace]

I just turned 24 and I have not found anyone that ticks all the boxes for me, I feel like time is running out and I am going to end up settling because the things I want in a man are unrealistic to be cut off or I would never find someone who does, so scared cos everyone is gettinghappily married Ma sha Allah but I’m still single

Assalamualaikum Beautiful Sister 🤍

I have four notes for you:

1) NOT EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA (OR IN REAL LIFE BUT ON PUBLIC DISPLAY) IS TRUE ⚠️

I promise you, not everyone is happily married as they make it look on Instagram. Couples might be smiling in pictures but Allah only knows what's going on behind closed doors. I don't want you to be deeply affected by the ig stories, the FB posts, the sweet words and the poems. Thousands of abused spouses would go on Facebook and share something romantic about their partners just to save face and to pretend that their life is okay. Smh. Social Media has created this fake life where it s easier for people to live the life they dream of instead of fix the life they have.

So that's for one. Do not be tricked by what you see on surface level.

2) YOU ARE 24 YEARS YOUNG WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE!!!????????????

Okay, maybe not in that tone 😅 and I know and respect that marriage age is mostly culture specific and that some cultures marry young. But you are still relatively young, and there is just so much life for you you live before you share it with someone else. I usually tell my friends " do not bring the M (Marriage) word before 25. There are things in life you need to learn by yourself, moments you have to live. Uni Degrees to get, jobs to explore, money to earn (btw it is very important for a Muslim woman to have her own money in this era we live in and to try and work even for a little time), books to read, trainings to attend, Qur'an to learn, personality to build, life to experience.. marriage should never be the focus or the end goal. Marriage is a stop along the way but life is going on with or without it.

3) NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARD, instead upgrade your surroundings. I mean fr, we are not supposed to lower our standards for any reason whatsoever, on the contrary, as we get older we keep putting our standards higher and higher, we keep setting boundaries and establishing rules, or else we wouldn't be maturing, we wouldn't be growing, we'd be just aging.

Also it is sad and unacceptable how society always expects the girl to just settle. We don't do that anymore. 🙄

Anyways, if your standards are aligned with the teachings of our religion and with what Our Prophet ﷺ has promoted for choosing a husband, then never compromise. But remember, The Messenger of Allah said: "When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad)."

The most important thing is for your future partner to have taqwa and fear Allah swt. The rest is debatable.

4) My dear sister, you are coming to me with these worries but I am only human. The most I could do is hear you out and maybe if Allah swt made it possible, give you some advice based on my own perspective that is shaped by my very limited knowledge and my personal experience. However, you know who could solve this situation for you in a heartbeat? You know who could make mountains move for you with one single word? You know who would bring you the man of your dreams and so much more right before you? Allah swt. I highly recommend you make two rakaat outside of Fardh prayer and in your sujud give Allah swt your whole checklist and what you want in a spouse! What is stopping you? Isn't Allah swt capable of everything? Isn't Allah swt the most generous? The ever-giving? He will give you! The only condition is for your niyah (intention) to be right, to be pure, to be fully for His sake. I promise you it works. I asked Allah swt for one very specific thing and He gave me exactly that. 🥺 Allahuma barik.

So go ahead, turn off all the outside noises that society is inducing in your head, and create a sacred space between you and your Creator, talk to Him, ask Him, confess to Him swt, and watch how your life would change in shaa Allah.

Bonus) ⚠️ MARRIAGE IS A RIZQ FROM ALLAH SWT ⚠️ IT IS NOT WITHIN HUMAN CAPABILITY ⚠️ YES HUMANS CAN BE A MEANS TO BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER BUT ONLY IF ALLAH SWT ALLOWS IT ⚠️ MARRIAGE IS A RIZQ FROM ALLAH SWT ⚠️ IT HAS BEEN ALREADY WRITTEN FOR US ⚠️ IT IS NOT A HUMANLY AFFAIR ⚠️ THANK YOU.

May Allah swt grant you and the girls of this ummah the pious husbands who fear Allah swt and will take care of your hearts following our Prophet ﷺ s steps. Ameen.

- A. Z. 🤍🍃