#there was a group of freshman girls sitting near me and despite my best attempts to ignore them completely they were loud and gossipy

[apocalypticgargoyle]

meet clay, he knows how you'll die.

intro filler chapter sorry

☾ pairing: dream x reader

☾ cw: interact at your own risk; contains graphic depictions of various character death and violence, suicide, blood, gore, and other triggering material. angst, language, guns, adult content, mentions of sex, slow burn friends to lovers

☾ wc: ~4100

Clay pulled the strap of his backpack further on his shoulder as he wove through the mindless sea of college students, eyes scanning the crowd for you, his best friend and the only person he could stand at the early hour. His knuckles flashed white as he sighed, taking the blunt impact of someone walking into him. He removed one of his headphones, mumbling a quick apology and swatting off the enthusiastically apologetic sophomore girl. All he could focus on was how much she bit her lip as she stammered on about not seeing him. It wasn’t alluring to him when most girls tried to sway his affections by looking at him with a puppy dog expression; all his mind drifted to was the dead skin across the body of her lower lip.

He finally nodded and reinstated his headphone, turning on his heel and heading for the front of the building. He received a few greetings from his peers as they crossed his path, people who shared past lectures with him and who had cheated off of him during exams. He wasn’t popular by any means, but he stayed out of people’s business and didn’t express his opinions loudly, so people tended to like him. The autumn breeze picked up as he stood in the dwellings of political science majors on the front lawn, acting as if they hadn’t seen one another in years when it had been only a few days. Clay absent-mindedly looked down at his cellphone, flipping through music as he leaned against the cool brick of the hall’s facade, waiting for you to find him.

Clay’s usual brooding manner was often off-putting to outsiders, with the careless-hollow look in his eyes giving bystanders the impression that he was nothing but a machiavellian. But you always saw the brightness in him; the side that you always experienced was specifically for you, and he made sure to keep it that way. You had wedged herself into his life and he was ever grateful for the love you had given him.

Despite the understood truth between the two of you that nothing was to be left unsaid, Clay still found himself keeping one of the most important aspects of his character unknown to you. His bloodcurdling secret was his own curse, something that would only be poison for another soul to know.

“What’s up, stud?” Somehow a flush of relief rippled through Clay’s body as his eyes locked to yours, pulling him from his isolated shell. Your hair looked brighter today against the dark hoodie peeking out from beneath an all too familiar bomber jacket. The wind fluffed your locks slightly as you continued towards him.

His eyebrows perked up as if to signal he was attempting to downplay his excited demeanor. “Stud, huh?” You smirked at his response, taking one of his headphones and putting it in your own ear, her face angled up to Clay as you waited to recognize the song, swaying slightly.

He chuckled as you shrunk away from him after muttering the song’s artist disappointedly and rolling your eyes, pulling on his hoodie pocket to follow you. As chaotic as his life often felt, he could always rely on the consistency of you. You usually attached yourself to one of his backpack straps, handles, his belt loop, or ended up under his arm, wedged against his side. It had gotten to the point that he felt naked if you weren’t within arm’s length of him, which was rare for the two of you. “So, I have something for you.” He smugly looked down at you, green eyes masking a hidden sparkle as you handed him a can of root beer, making him chuckle.

“Aren’t you sweet?” He popped the tab, taking a sip as you waved at a group of girls passing the two of you before slipping your hand against the crook of his elbow where his hoodie sleeves were pushed back.

“Actually, I was hoping it could be payment for later. I need to head over to the cemetery for some rubbings. History 270 has me getting into some weird shit, huh?” He laughed again at you, offering you the drink.

“And you need wheels?” You nodded and smiled politely at him, beaming at his words. “Yeah, alright. I have to sketch something for art anyway.” He thought about the week’s assignment and then about your little project he had dealt with the prior year. You had acted like the two of you hadn’t been to the cemetery on a regular basis, but he was grateful that you wanted him to come along with you.

You quietly jumped once. “You are my hero in faded denim, Clay. You know that, right?”

The two of you parted ways to your select destinations, one of Clay’s least favorite parts of the day, which was only solidified as he sunk into his seat and attempted to look equipped for the lecture. He spotted an unfamiliar kid shaking his knee in a distant section of the classroom. In any other circumstance, he wouldn’t have thought twice, but the sie of the class had given him the pleasantries of getting his own personal curse out of the way on the first day.

He carefully watched the boy speak smugly to a few of the more athletic kids in the room. One of the athletes pointed to the general direction Clay was sitting in and they all moved towards him. He, yet again, took out his headphones, knowing full well that they would be talking to him for the rest of the class.

“Oi, Shaman,” one of the main guys greeted Clay like they always did: a strange pattern of slapping and shaking his hand. He was thankful he had gotten all of their first impressions months prior and didn’t have to worry about getting their scenarios again, but he geared up to meet the new kid.

“How are you, Punz?” Clay took a deep breath as the new kid was gestured to and brought into the light.

“This is Mark. He’s a transfer from one of the commuter campuses. Mark, this is the mastermind you pay for notes.”

Clay sarcastically smiled at Punz. “My, you flatter me more than any girl. Nice to meet you, man.” As soon as he touched Mark’s hand, Clay’s mind flashed to a dingy-looking barn out in the middle of nowhere before an older man in his mid-thirties came into view with a lever-action rifle in his hand. In another flash, Clay was in front of the man, now kneeling with the gun in his mouth, red, blurry eyes looking straight through Clay. A pang of guilt broke open in Clay’s stomach as he pushed against the handguard lever and pulled it back into place, squeezing the trigger and sending Ckay back to the class. He let out a sigh and fought to plaster one of his less absent smiles.

“Speaking of our lovely girls, Mark here has a question about her.” Clay’s head tilted towards Mark, not exactly squaring up to him, but sending him an amused look as if to warn him not to cross a line, knowing full-well this conversation would somehow involve you. “We all know that no guy would ever intrude on her without your blessing, but Mark sat near her on the bus before his first class and was thinking about asking her out.”

Clay bit back a laugh, feeling like the Vito Corleone. “Well, you know her, Punz, and you know she would be mortified if I told some guy to fuck off, so I would just ask her yourself?” Oh, how desperately Clay wanted to bash Mark for not even telling Clay himself and the fact that the boy before him was nowhere near your type, but Clay knew better than to burn bridges and he felt bad for the way Mark would meet his end.

Nobody, not even you, knew about Clay’s gift. In the going-on-five years of knowing you, he came breaths away from letting his secret slip but has always kept it hidden, hoping to bury it with him after being married to you for forty happy years.

The visions started around his fifth-grade year, beginning with vivid dreams of dying in the midst of the Civil War, feeling the warm gushing of blood leaving his system, and the stabbing pain of being shot multiple times beside a woman who oddly looked enough like you that he almost called out your name. He had lived what he presumed to be his death in the life before this one several times, each vision taking him a few clicks further.

Soon, he found himself catching glimpses of others’ deaths before they happened as soon as they touched him, but thankfully it was usually over with no time passing and he only endured the visions once for each person, fate having already sealed itself. The only person who seemed to mix him up was you.

It was love at first sight for him, but as soon as you touched his arm, bleak snapshots of a boating accident raced into his mind, only to have to re-experience the scenario a few months later with you stepping in front of a train. Even as a measly high school freshman, he promised himself that there was no way he was letting you die in the gruesome manners being predicted to you. He didn’t think changing fate was possible until he witnessed you in action. He hated seeing you so young in each of the glimpses, tearing him to shreds as he knew time and time again that there was no way he could change what was meant to be.

There were even times when he quietly promised you that he’d die by your side if he couldn’t stop it.

As his lecture let out, Clay found you tucked into a corner of the library, smiling to yourself silently as knew you had finally found what you were looking for in one of the massive books before you. There were many moments like this that Clay wished he could pause and remember for the rest of his life. He was proud that you were there for him even though you could have left instead of playing your own little game of library scavenger hunts.

Since knowing you, he had taken note of how you treated other boys, usually as first dates and never true pick-ups. You didn’t care if they called you the next day or not and he was sure you had never even been kissed before. Something about your guys’ relationship gave others the nod to leave it the fuck alone, and that your heart truly belonged to Clay; a responsibility he wished didn’t plague you with. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to be with you, only worried that what you had would be destroyed because he knew that as soon as he told you about his gift, you might leave.

You always brought a bag of marbles and a bouquet of flowers to the cemetery. You loved to find the tombstones that looked neglected or ones with older dates, knowing that the possibility of having family members who remembered the person was lower. The trees in the graveyard were reds and yellows with the changing season, leaves scattered over the grass, naturally piling in large masses. This was your favorite for how neglected it seemed to always be. You had a knack for making inanimate objects and lost souls feel loved; Clay often feeling like he was one of these disembodied figures.

Clay leaned his back against one of the massive trees a few paces from the tombstone you had picked, smiling as he watched you carry out her routine. He flipped to a clean page in his sketchbook as you sat cross-legged in front of the great stone resting place, pulling the long-dead flowers from the concrete gauntlet and replenishing a few flowers in their place while setting an equal number of marbles along the grass line of the stone. A daisy was tucked behind your ear as you ran her fingers against the worn chiseling of the dates, smiling slightly. He began to sketch you out. Your eyes drifted to him before the corners of your mouth curled up into a smirk and you returned to her previous position, straightening your shoulders. “Who is it?” He asked, blending a rough edge with the pads of his finger as you tilted your head at the script carvings.

“George McAfee. Born 1926. Died 1963.” The wind picked up, blowing your hair away from your face as you pulled your jacket closer around you. “What was happening in 1963?” You turned your head to him momentarily before looking back at the lucky man. “I mean besides Beatlemania and JFK’s assassination?”

Clay outstretched one of his legs, swallowing as he thought, his eyes fluttering from the page in front of him to you. “Well, Alcatraz was shut down, Studebaker stopped production, the USSR sent the first woman into space…” he trailed off, watching you as the gears began to spin in your head.

“Do you think he died in the Coliseum explosion?” You wet your lips and he couldn’t help but smile at you.

“Maybe he died in the USS Thresher sinking?” He was thankful that he could capture your thoughtful gaze in this picture.

“You’re smart, Dream. Have I ever told you that?” He chuckled at the sigh in your voice. He detailed the bomber jacket you were wearing---which you’d stolen from his closet god knows when---a bit as you placed a piece of paper over the engraving and rubbed a crayon against the stone, his name coming to life on the paper as you came to life on Clay’s. It didn’t matter why you two would be in the cemetery, you always had a type of bond with the dead, surprising Clay due to how bright you were and your power of holding onto so much compassion. He threw his sketchbook into his backpack and slug in over his shoulder, moving to help you up. You decided to give the rest of the flowers to George as Clay stood next to you, gazing down at his grave.

A high-pitched moan startled the two of you, snapping your heads to look over the hedges separating your section of graves and the one beside it. Clay’s eyes widened as they fell to a girl in all black with porcelain skin propped on top of one of the tombstones. You clasped your hand over his mouth pulling him onto the ground next to you as you peered through a hole in the bushes. His mind noticed your arms first. One of them was secured over his chest and the other wrapped around his shoulder from beneath his arm, holding onto him as he steadied himself in the weird crouching position. “Are you enjoying this?” He jeered, looking over his shoulder slightly as he heard you snicker. The girl began to ride the stone harder.

“How many times in your life are you going to see a girl humping a gravestone? Honestly, Clay, how many?” He shook his head as you both looked at the girl, giggling to yourselves. You dug her face into his shoulder trying to stifle the next laugh trying to rip through your body as the gothic girl moaned, letting out more labored breaths. Clay’s face contorted into a twisted look of disgust as the girl tugged on her own hair. “Oh, do you think that hurts?” You took the words out of his mouth, tightening your arms around him as he shrugged.

“I doubt it’s any rockier than sex with a human.” He bit his lip, a hollow sound interrupting him quietly laughing at his own joke as you thumped him in the chest. The girl moaned louder. “Alright, she’s climaxing. I’m uncomfortable now.” Clay stood and Willow popped up next to him, lacing your fingers with his, bringing color back to his cheeks as you slipped the remaining marbles into his pocket.

“Oh, hi!” In the midst of holding hands with you again and trying to slink back to his car, he hadn’t even realized that the moaning had stopped. The girl now stood near the two of you in what seemed to be a black slip. Clay found it hard to make direct eye contact with her. “Are you guys looking for someone?”

“We were, but we couldn’t find him so-” you began, gesturing for Clay’s car and pulling him next to you.

“Well, I can help. Who are you looking for?” A thousand sarcastically vulgar comments ran through Clay’shead but his eyes flickered from her face to the tombstone she was on previously.

“Uh, my grandpa. His name was Rupert Daniels,” Clay managed to choke out. Your nails dug into his arm while your hand squeezed his. The girl looked around at the surrounding stones.

“I don’t see him right now, but I can look?” You both shook your heads quickly and muttered various responses before finally slipping away from her and getting into his car. Neither of you said anything as you pulled off the gravel driveway until crossing the railroad tracks when Clay burst out laughing.

“Do you think she even knew who it was she was gettin’ it on with or did she just pick somewhere random?” Clay laughed harder at your stunned response. “I’m serious. Clay, what the fuck. How can someone even get off in a cemetery?”

“I don’t know, man. Would you hook up with someone in a cemetery?” Clay quipped, wiggling his eyebrows at you, causing you to laugh. You dug into his console, pulling out a bag of M&Ms you had stashed in there last week, popping one in your mouth.

“Only if it was you.”

He giggled. “Excuse me, what?”

“There are just some things you do with certain people, Dream. You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered I’m the only one you would have sex with in a cemetery, or like, disgusted?” You laughed at his reaction.

Within ten minutes the sun had begun to set and Clay sang loudly with you to the song playing over the radio as Clay sped along one of the county roads near your apartment complex, not wanting the night to end. He loved these moments with you. You turned down the radio and threw your hair back into a ponytail. “So, what do you think of that new kid, Mark?” Something in Clay shifted, taking away the free feeling he had recently possessed next to you. He thought carefully.

He chewed his bottom lip. “Depends on what you think?”

“Well, he seems like a wannabe Punz. And he asked me out. Naturally, I said ‘yes’ because maybe he’s different?” Clay chuckled at your sarcasm, putting his car in park on the side of the street your flat was on and getting out with you. The radio still hummed in the air lowly. “He insisted on Friday, though.” Clay dramatically acted like you had stabbed him in the heart, even though it did hurt. Friday night was their night. It had been a running tradition for movie night every Friday since your freshman year and you had never canceled on Clay for a date. “I know, I know. But I figured that I’d tell him I had diarrhea when it hit eight o’clock and be over at your place with an extra pizza? Your roommate’s working right?” He chuckled with a nod, walking you up the first three steps to your place as you made it to the concrete landing. You turned to him. “And he said he was taking me somewhere fancy, so I’ll snag you some breadsticks.” He tilted his head at you as you winked at him.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Wanna be Punz might be fun. Maybe I’ll call up Minx and hang out with her?” He joked. Minx was a friend of yours that hung out with the two of you sometimes. He had never really liked her, but she was friends with you and thus he was always civil.

“You’re still my number one, babe.” You pushed him slightly as you climbed a few more steps, leaning on the railing as he waved to leave. “Hey, Dream?” He turned on his heel as you forced yourself to make eye contact. He stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. “You could kiss me, you know? For science.” You smiled softly at him from where you were perched. He wet his lips as his heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to scale the steps and close the space between you, to knock you off your feet and show you just how much he was in love with you.

He hated himself. “A first kiss should have more magic in it than just for science. As a romantic, you should know first hand.” You smiled at the ground in front of you.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The two of you seemed to shake off the serious moment as you stuck your tongue out at him and slipped inside your house as both giggled.

“I love you,” he murmured as you left, punching himself in the shoulder as he got back into his car.

Clay’s heartbeat pulsed in his ears, making him truly believe he was going to pass out. He had lost his gun at least a mile back. He was running mindlessly now, not knowing how long or where he was going. He trudged through the forest, hearing dogs barking and gunshots erupting around him, the ringing in his ears building with every step he forced himself to make. He wanted to rip open the front of his jacket to release the body heat drenching his collar, but he didn’t move other than propelling his body further and further away from the soldiers. You ran beside him, holding your skirt up while your hair danced around your shoulders like a great waterfall. As soon as his body felt like it might just give out, he would look at you and somehow find more of a drive to pull forward. His breaths were brittle and hoarse as he drew in borrowed oxygen. His lungs felt shallow like they were giving out on him.

You reached back, grasping his hand and pulling him into a sharp corner, hoping to lose the group. You both had managed to weave into the forest, but the dogs were somehow still picking up on your scent. The pair of you finally came upon a clearing and kneeled down out of sight, spotting a house in the middle of a glen. Bullets were streaming through the air. The forest was catching fire and cannons were echoing through the distant air. You squeezed his hand tightly, looking at him with terror in your eyes. He had gotten the two of you into this mess, but he was glad he was beside you.

He pulled you to your feet as the pair of you sprinted for a distant house. A sharp pain stabbed into Clay’s back, making him drop to the ground. How did he not hear the gun? You dropped to your feet, your eyes welling with tears, ripping at his jacket, but he pushed you off, telling you to leave quickly. He leaned forward, eyes locking on the soldiers in gray coming towards them, reloading their rifles. He groaned, pushing himself up, but only having the same stabbing sensation two more times in his chest. He heard you scream, but he couldn’t see you.

His hands were going numb as he touched where the bullets entered, feeling the warm and sticky crimson substance seep between his fingers. The soldiers reached you before you had made it to the house, pulling you to the ground next to him. You were crying heavily as you looked at him. Everything began to run quiet as you held onto him tightly. You were saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear you. He was only aware of his jacket soaking with blood. He coughed, wanting to tell you he loved you one last time, but you were tugged away from him, pressed to one of the men in gray. He raised a hand to you as you fought against the man. And then everything went dark.

Dream Tag List: (hopefully this works)

@karlkitten @pluto-dizzz @more-like-reyna @honk-izzie-was-taken @marrymetheonott @froggyy06 @ghoulandghost @savingpluto @marshmallow-babe @drunkpumpkincake @unstableye @tinyegg @behzzyboo @twist3dtinkerbell @sparkletash @shroomieissmall @clubfairy @camerondiaz48104 @victory-is-here @rat-poisin @alm334 @acidluvs @pachowpachowbucket @bbigbbrainn @cdizzlevalntyne @idiotinnit @generallysleepdeprived @sacvf @phsychopathetic @froggerrrr @robinslie @essencee @jemalovesmarvel @sbi-is-my-onlysanity @jenlouvre @victoria-a567 @miilliiie @bunnylotl @thegirlwhowritesawksh-t @carlyferrell @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @nyxieahh @quivvyintheclouds @sarcasticmichelle @book-of-anarchy @millavalntyne @lightdreamy @baddiesforcorpse @sunnynapp @fantasy-innit @rat-poisin @wreny24 @deepestofwaters @exenestea @indecisivehusky @fallxnly @alm334 @skaratjung @punzcanrailme @sap-naps @denki-exe @angeltears18 @silvemistxe33 @andreamalik6 @kris-stuff @sun-fiower-seed @where-thesundoesntshine @dilfdream @esmegregory04 @itsparasocial @mlqcool @mcgoddess404 @rinatdawn @chaoscait @peppermintkisses @libbynotfound @speedrunningtherapy @lunxramour @aoonai @loraleiix @ghoulpixiie

[bluewhale52]

Can You Parallel Park?

Pairings: jhs x reader , with appearance from OT7

Word count: 3.5k

Genre: fluff

Summary: parallel parking is stressful. Especially when you have an audience. Especially when your audience is the fray boys of BTS House.

Warnings: none, a few swear words  

A/N:  my first ever fic! I’ve been holding back publishing this because I’m shy ☺️ but if I don’t start now then when will I?? Please give it a read and leave comments and feedback. I’d really love to write more, and your feedback will help me improve and find my writing rhythm! (Also, I suck at titles)

————————— 💜 ——————————

Finally a parking spot. But it’s a parallel park. And it’s in front of a frat house. That happens to be BTS- the loudest, craziest, most good looking and most notorious on campus.

Now, you’re a master in parallel parking. But that’s when you drive on the LEFT side of the road. Your brain just can’t function now that you have to do it with the steering wheel on the opposite side of what you’re used to.

You pull up, aligning the car properly and start reversing, turning the wheel at the right time to ensure your car would slide into the spot, easily and quickly. But wait, the side of your car looks so dangerously close to the car in front. One slight move you’re sure to scrape it.

So you pull up again. Repeat the process.  And repeat. And repeat.

Your cheeks start to heat as you notice there are 2 guys now sitting at the patio, and- you’re very sure of this- watching your sixth attempt to parallel park in front of their house. Then another guy comes out.  And another.

So now you’re nowhere near to parking your car and you have an audience. Great.

All right Y/N, you can do this. You parallel park every day back home on busy 2-lane roads, with lines of cars honking at you. This is peanuts.

Seventh attempt. Eighth. And you finally did it at the ninth. Are those guys laughing at you?!

Embarrassed, you grab your bag, get out of the car, lock it, all the while looking at everywhere but the frat house. You can swear you hear clapping as you cross the road.

—

“Hey Y/N, did you park in front of BTS today?” Jungkook asks at dinner in the dining hall.

You give him a death stare. “How did you know?”

“Saw your car when I went there after practice. And some of the guys were talking about this girl who was having a hard time parking in front of the house.”

“I can’t believe I contributed to women driver stereotype.” You scoop your mac and cheese angrily.

‘Well they describe you as cute” you glare at Jungkook, but he only continues. “There’s a party there tonight. I’m going. You’re coming too, ok.”

—

You’re not sure how Jungkook managed to persuade you to come to the party. You have declared house of BTS as your sworn enemy, yet you wonder which of the guys had described you cute. I’ll show you cute, you mutter under your breath as you follow Jungkook into the house.

The music is loud, you can smell booze in the air, and there is just way too much shouting. The girls are shrieking over someone doing a keg stand, the guys are yelling Chug! chug! as if it’s a mating call, and you remember why you hate frat parties.

“Jungkook!!” A pink haired guy and a blue haired guy swoop down on you and your friend, and you immediately get lost in their eyes. The three of them hug, and Jungkook introduces you to these two ethereal beings. You divert your eyes shyly, their eyes are too much, you feel yourself unravelling when they stare at you like this. Then it’s off to the drinks tables, and you settle for a cola. You learn that Jimin and Taehyung are fellow pledgers, like Jungkook, and you really wonder what it is in the BTS house that just draws in the hottest guys on campus.

Jungkook and his two handsome friends are chatting away while you nurse your cola. You’re too shy in social settings like this, and you find it hard to talk to people. Jungkook is being pulled somewhere, and he pulls you along, knowing your shyness, but soon you lose him among the bumping bodies.

So now you’re alone, standing by the kitchen and starting to blend into the walls. You’re deliberating if you should go home, when a very handsome guy approaches you.

“Hey, you ok?” He asks. You stare at him. His face is so symmetrical. Is it even physically possible? He eyes you with concern, so you quickly nod.

“I’m Jin,” he introduces himself. “If you don’t feel so good, just go to the patio, ok? My boys here are good but there’s just way too many people now.” He’s practically shouting over the music. “Some of the seniors are outside and they’re not drinking so they can help you if anything happens, ok?”

You nod again. He grabs your cup of cola and sniff it.  “You sure you’re ok? You’re not drinking but you’re looking a bit weird it’s worrying me.”

You gulp. “I’m ok,” you shout back. “I’m just an introvert trapped in my worst nightmare.”

Jin laughs and you swear your car wipers make the same sound. “Ok. So you’re sober enough to help me find my food. Come.”

You let Jin usher you to the kitchen. Jin asks for your name, your major, the standard senior to sophomore questions.  Once you step into the kitchen, however, you’re greeted with a loud crash.

“Goddamnit Namjoon!” Jin bellows. You turn your eyes towards who you think is Namjoon, yet another handsome frat boy- what’s with this house seriously?- standing wide eyed over a cabinet that has crashed down... from the wall?

“It just fell,Hyung! I swear!!” He’s as shocked as Jin and you, your three serious faces stand out among a sea of drunken laughter.

“Well lucky it’s just a bunch of chips and cereals.” Jin mumbles as he moves to grab a black garbage bag. You help Jin hold the bag open as he and Namjoon start collecting the debris.

“I swear Hyung, I was just getting some chips and the whole thing just came down.” Namjoon picks some wooden pieces and throws them into the bag. Noticing you, he says, “Just hold the bag open ok, don’t touch any of these. You could get a splinter.”

You can’t help but feeling a little touched at his concern. “It’s ok. Though I think you’re better off taking all these straight to the bin outside.”

Jin grumbles. “You know, I just want a small dinner party with our friends. How did it get blown out of proportion like this. I even cooked! And I don’t even know where my food is.”

“Do you even want to know where your food is?” You say dryly. “Best scenario someone’s eaten if. Worst scenario someone’s having sex on top of it.”

“Aish. When did our house become such a party house?” Jin complains.

You look at the girls hovering in the kitchen. Cleavage, mini skirt and high heels. Eyes on Jin and Namjoon, begging for a glance. Fake laughs and shrills to get their attention.

“You guys are just too good looking. It’s ridiculous how good looking you and your brothers are.” You observe.

You’re treated to Namjoon’s adorable dimples as he laughs, and Jin’s “Yaaaaah, it’s  about time you say something about this face.”

“She’s right,” Namjoon picks up more small pieces of wood. “We need to rebrand, Hyung. We’re supposed to be an academic fraternity, but people only know us as party animals.”

The three of you take evidence of Namjoon’s destruction to bin in the yard. You’re grateful for the fresh air, and the company of the two seniors. Jin asks if you want to get back inside, and you politely decline, mentioning you’re thinking of going home anyway.

Jin and Namjoon protest, and insist you stay. They have have sensed your shyness, and they promise you won’t be left without company. They take you to the patio, which despite the amount of people coming and going, is much quieter than inside.

Jin and Namjoon introduce you to their other two brothers- handsome as hell also, like what do you expect at this stage really. While Hoseok is reminds you of sunshine and rainbow, Yoongi is the total opposite, with his black bucket hat, black tshirt, black jeans and black sneakers.

You feel shy again, in the presence of the four ridiculously good looking strangers you’ve just met. You can tell how close the four are. You can tell in their banter, their teasing, and the way they’re so comfortable physically with each other. You feel a bit jealous, wishing you had a group of friends like this.

Making friends has been difficult for you, and you count your lucky stars you get along so well with Jungkook, whom you’d met at your freshman class just a year ago. You’ve become so close that you start to fear that you’d lose him once he joins the BTS fraternity.

Then you hear something that snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Did you hear about the girl who tried to park in front of our house this afternoon?”

“Some of the juniors were talking about it. Why, what happened?”

“She nearly hit Jin’s pick up.”

“I heard the juniors were laughing at her. They said it took her like 15 minutes to park.”

“Aish, those boys should’ve helped her, not laugh at her.”

“Was it even a tight spot?”

“I think Jungkook knows the girl. He said he recognised the car.”

‘Is it difficult, parallel parking? They make you do it when you take your driver’s license test right?”

“We should apply to get at least this portion of the street to be a no parking zone. It gets so narrow once cars are parked on both sides.”

“I can parallel park with my eyes blindfolded.”

“Don’t ever let Namjoon parallel park. He’d hit the car in front AND behind him.”

You’re frozen in embarrassment. It doesn’t matter that they don’t know you’re THAT girl, to your ears, the casual way they talk about the whole thing sounds like they’re making fun of you.

You put your soda cup down a little to hard, and you say your goodbye a little too rough. The four guys are taken aback by your sudden change of mood. They’ve realised you don’t talk much and they’ve made an effort to include you in their conversation, not taking any offence when you give short and terse answers, or even polite smiles as you hide behind your cup. So the anger they see in your body language puzzles them.

“Did we say something wrong?” Hoseok says as he and his brothers watch you stomp your way out of the patio.

“She’s really upset.” Yoongi adds. “We must have said something that pisses her off.”

“No shit, Sherlock. Is she walking home? Does anyone know where she lives?” Jin asks, concerned for your safety.

“But what did we say? It’s weird she just stormed off like that.” Hoseok wonders as he watches you walking away.

“Did you guys see who she came with?” Namjoon asks Hoseok and Yoongi, who have been lounging in the patio since the swarm of party goers came to the house.

“I didn’t notice her until she came here with you two.” Yoongi replies.

“I saw her with Jungkook I think,” Hoseok tries to recall. “Should we tell him? Wait, is she his girlfriend? Maybe she’s pissed off he’s left her with us.”

“Whenever Jimin, Tae and Jungkook are together they just get into a bubble and forget about everyone else.” Namjoon says.

“One of us should at least walk her home right?” Jin watches you walking further away.

“She’s not his girlfriend. Jungkook doesn’t have a girlfriend.” Yoongi says sure of himself. Then it clicks. “Wait, oh shit.”

“Is she... Jungkook said he recognised...” Namjoon pieces the information together.

“Is she seriously walking home?” Jin is practically shouting. He knows Jungkook has a female flatmate, and now he’s put a face to the name Jungkook has very often mentioned to his frat brothers. And Jin knows your and Jungkook’s apartment is a good half hour walk away, and in a much quieter part of campus. Jin is really worried for your safety.

The four guys quickly get up and run after you.

—

You kick a pebble. You can’t hear the music and the revelry of the party anymore and your anger has dissipated, turned into annoyance and regret. You could’ve made a joke, poked a bit of fun at yourself, rather than throwing a tantrum and walking away like this.

But, so what? They’ve been insensitive making fun of people who can’t parallel park. Doesn’t matter how gorgeous they are, they’re just bratty frat boys from THE frat house on campus. They think they own the world.

But... they’ve been very nice to you too. Jin making sure you’re involved in their conversation. Namjoon recommending classes  with good professors. Hoseok checking if you need more cola or if you’re hungry. Yoongi’s  deadly stare warding off any drunken guys trying to hit on you. You sigh.

“Y/N!”

You stop in your track, heart in your throat, and turn to find the four guys you’ve just been thinking about running toward you.

“God,” Jin is panting. “Why do you walk so fast?”

“What are you guys doing?” You stare at Jin and his brothers. Did they chase you down all the way here?

Yoongi points at Jin. “He’s worried for your safety.”

“So we’re going to walk you home. In case something happens.” Hoseok adds.

You look at the four faces, confused. “Wouldn’t it look suspicious if four guys walk one girl home?”

The four faces look at you then each other, not quite sure with what you mean.

“Well a guy walks a girl home is normal, right? But four guys and one girl? Isn’t that kinda weird” Where the hell are you going with this, Y/N?

“Um,” Namjoon rubs the back of his neck, “we just want to make sure you’re ok.”

“You stormed off and it surprised us how upset you seem..” Yoongi adds, looking away but there is genuine concern in his voice.

”You’re flatmate with Jungkook, right? Your apartment isn’t exactly just around the corner. What if something happens on your way home?” Jin says.

“She’s right though, four guys walking a girl home does look weird. Let’s just do Rock Paper Scissors, guys.” Hoseok suggests.

You shake your head, watching them bicker some more before starting the hand game. You roll your eyes and start walking again, leaving them behind. You hear Jin calls you to wait, then more bickering, then a set of footsteps getting closer to you.

“Y/N, wait.” You turn and find Hoseok has caught up with you. “I’ll walk you home.” You look back and see the other three guys waving goodbye at you, then turning back towards their house. “I don’t normally win at rock paper scissors, glad I did just now though.” He flashes a wide smile at you.

You catch yourself wanting to smile back, how can you not, when he smiles at you like that. And it’s cute how the guys reacted after you left their party so abruptly.  But you remember you’re supposed to be annoyed.

“Congratulations, hope you like walking.” You mutter. You hide a smile as Hoseok tries to keep up with your fast pace.

“Slow down Y/N, you’re going to look like you’re trying to run away from me.” Hoseok grabs your wrist, forcing you to match his slower pace.

Your breath hitches as he holds your wrist a few seconds longer, only letting go once you start to walk at a more leisurely pace.

“Slow down and enjoy the scenery.” He smiles.

You scoff. “Brown brick buildings hardly make beautiful scenery.”

Hoseok tuts. “But the trees do, and the shadows from the street lamps do. See, they look like they’re dancing in the breeze.”

“More like bony hands trying to strangle you.”

“Tsk. So macabre, Y/N. You need more sunshine in your life.” Hoseok teases.

“And I suppose you’re the sunshine?” You tease back.

“With a smile like this, of course I am.” He beams.

You can’t help but chuckle. A few  minutes pass by, you and Hoseok stroll in silence.

“Y/N,” Hoseok gently calls your name, “I’m sorry about what we said back there.”

You keep looking ahead, embarrassment creeping up again.

“We didn’t know it was you. I.. well we’re really sorry we said all those stuff.”

You sigh. “Doesn’t matter, Hoseok. Whether or not you knew it was me, you guys still made fun of the whole situation.”

“I know, I know. We’re no better than our juniors who laughed at you.”

“It’s very embarrassing you know.” You pout, you don’t feel as upset anymore, but you might as well milk this for all it’s worth. “It’s horrible to be at the receiving end like that.”

“Ah, Y/N,” Hoesoek throws an arm around your shoulder and gives you a gentle squeeze. You blush immediately. “I’m very sorry. Really. All of us are.”

You clear your throat. Hoseok’s arm is still around you, and it doesn’t feel like he’s going to remove it soon. “I’m sorry too, Hoseok. The way I reacted was a bit... childish.” You say softly.

Another squeeze from Hoseok. “No, Y/N. Your reaction was understandable. We were out of line. Forgive us?” He turns to look at you intently.

Your cheeks are burning. You find it hard to answer him. But he mistakes your silence as playful sulking. “Come on, Y/N, forgive us please,” He wraps you in both his arms now. “We’re so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, ok?”

���And how are you going to make it up to me, Hoseok?” You coarsely ask, nerves so obvious in your voice.

Hoseok makes an exaggerated thinking pose. “I’ll send you the biggest bouquet of flowers. So big all the other girls on this campus would be so jealous of you.”

“Hmm. Don’t like flowers.” You say matter of factly.

“What? Why not?!”

You shrug. “Waste of money. They’re expensive. And they’ll just wither and die.”

“I’ll make you dinner.”

“You cook?”

Hoseok scratches his chin. “Well. Jin Hyung will cook and I’ll pass it as my own cooking?”

“That’s cheating, Hoseok.”

“I’ll walk you home everyday.”

“I drive, remember?”

Hoseok winces. You giggle.

“Chocolates?”

“Don’t like sweet stuff.”

And so you keep going back and forth with Hoseok. Your giggles become laughter as the embarrassment of your parallel parking vanishes.  You don’t realise Hoseok still has an arm around your shoulder. That he has pulled you closer to him, your side pressed against his. That you eventually put your arm around his waist. And that you rest your head on the nook of his shoulder when he makes you laugh.

—

Hoseok insists walking  you all the way up to your apartment. You fish your key out, and unlock your door.

“Do you want anything to drink? Some water?” You ask shyly as you step into your apartment. Feeling that Hoseok is not by your side anymore, you turn around, surprised finding him lingering by the entrance, looking unsure.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, really. I just figure you might be thirsty after that long walk.” You stutter.

“No, no, Y/N. I’m sorry, it’s just..” Hoseok steps inside and nervously looks around your apartment, trying to give you an explanation but unable to.

“It’s just...” Hoseok repeats, and you find yourself holding your breath, staring at him. In the harsh light of your kitchen, he still looks so breathtakingly beautiful. Soft dark brown hair, gentle eyes, sharp cheekbones, oh my god that jawline, and those lips. Lips? Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.

“... can I have your number?” Hoseok finally asks. He smiles shyly at you and he thinks you look so cute blinking, surprised at his question. He likes the feeling of your arm around his waist, how your laughter is so free once you’re comfortable with him, how you fit so nicely against him. He wants more.

Hoseok pulls out his cellphone and hands it to you. You gingerly take it and puts in your number. Hoseok takes his phone back and gives you a missed call. “Now you have my number too.”

You take your phone out and saves his number. Then you realise. “hoseok, how are you going back to your house?”

Hoseok shrugs. “I’ll walk.”

“God, I’m so sorry. I made you walk all the way here and back.” You eye your couch. Should you offer him to stay over? Is that too forward?

Hoseok smiles and shakes his head. “I told you I’m happy I won rock paper scissors, didn’t I? I really am happy. I enjoyed the walk with you. Yeah the walk back will be lonely...” he taps his phone, “but you’ll keep me company, right?”

“Of course.” You answer giddily, nodding your head.

Hoseok steps out of your apartment, you hold the door open, reluctant to see him go. You stare at each other for a few seconds, both of you smiling nervously.  You gather your courage to offer him your couch for the night, there’s no loss in asking. As you open your mouth however, he leans in and gives your the sweetest kiss on your cheek.

Your hand reaches for the spot on your cheek where his lips have just been. He smiles again and tweaks your nose gently.

“Get inside and lock up, ok? I’ll call you.” He says, as he starts to leave, walking backwards so he can still see you. “Don’t forget to lock your door.” He reminds you.  

You smile at him and gives him a wave goodbye. You close your door, lock it then rests your head against it.

And you can’t hide your broad smile as you hear your phone ringing. Sunshine is calling you, as promised.

[bangtaninink]

closer by ravyn lenae, taehyung, sugar daddy au 🥵

Here’s the song!

You stare down at your phone, too distracted by your most recent text from Taehyung to focus on the rest of the lecture. Thursday is the day after tomorrow, and you have absolutely no idea what you need to be doing to get ready for it.

“Don’t forget, next week is the due date for your midterm papers, everyone,” Professor Kang announces, organising his notes. “Tomorrow will be your last chance to grovel for an extension.”

The laughter in the theatre brings you back to reality, coming to just as Professor Kang dismisses the class.

“What’d he say?” you ask Jinah next to you, packing up your stuff.

“He just reminded us that our paper’s due next week. Weren’t you listening?” Jinah replies, eyebrows furrowed.

“Nope.”

“Typical.” She scoffs, shaking her head. “It’s a wonder how you’re one of the best students when you hardly ever pay attention. Meanwhile, I’m here, going to every damn lecture, and still struggling to pass everything. I’m stealing your notes later.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“You going to work now?”

“Yeah,” you reply, sighing. “Eunseok better not be there again, or I swear to God, I’m quitting.”

“I’ll be praying for you,” Jinah says, laughing. “Alright. I gotta go. See you at home.”

                                                      〰️

“Your change comes to 10,000 Won,” you say, handing money back to the customer. “Who was ne–”

Taehyung smiles at you as he steps up to the counter, hands tucked comfortably into the pockets of his slacks.

“Hello…” He leans forward slightly, making a show of looking down at your name badge. “_____.” You press your lips together, holding back laughter.

“Hi,” you say. “What can I get for you?”

“Mmm, I’ll have a mocha frappuccino, with extra whipped cream.” Taehyung looks over his shoulder at the man standing behind him, looking off to the side, earpiece curling around the shell of his right ear. “You want anything, Jeongguk?”

“Oh. Uh. Sure,” Jeongguk says. “I’ll have an Americano, iced, with an extra shot, thank you, _____.”

“A mocha frappuccino and an Americano,” you repeat. “Would you like anything else today… sir?”

You feel smug, watching Taehyung’s eyebrow twitch, almost laughing at the expression on Jeongguk’s face as he overhears.

“That’ll be all, thank you,” Taehyung replies, reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a thin leather wallet. He looks down at the display in front of the register, pulling out a single, crisp fifty-thousand Won note. “Keep the change, angel.”

He sends you a wink before he walks over to a table with Jeongguk following right behind, eyes undoubtedly turning his way as people stare, wondering why the sole heir of Bangtan Enterprises is getting his coffee at a cafe that is no where near Gangnam.

Lazy steps signal Yoongi stepping out of the back room to join you at the counter, default straight face slowly turning into slight annoyance.

“What’s happening?” he asks.

“Kim Taehyung is here, boss man,” Hoseok says, singsongy. 

“What? Why?”

“Who knows? Who cares? He’s at our cafe.”

“What’d he order?”

“Uhh…” Hoseok looks over your shoulder, slinging a tea towel over his shoulder. “A mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream, and an iced Americano with an extra shot of coffee. Three guesses which drink is for who?”

“Whichever one of you is making his drinks, make sure it’s good. We don’t need to be roasted and dragged through the mud during his next press conference,” Yoongi says, already shuffling back to return to the back office.

“Hey, Yoongi?” you ask; he hums in response. “He paid with a fifty-thousand Won bill and told me to keep the change. Just so you know.”

“Wh– that’s like forty-thousand Won,” Hoseok says, gawking at the money in your hand.

“He’s not gonna take it back, I don’t think.”

“Um.” Yoongi looks down at the money, scratching his head as he is, for once, taken aback. “What… are we supposed to try and give it back?”

“I mean,” you say. “We can try, but I don’t think he’ll take it.”

“Yeah, and besides: what’s forty-thousand Won to one of the richest guys in the country?” Hoseok says, grinning.

“Just–” Yoongi sighs, glancing down once more at the money, then back up to you and Hoseok. “Make his drinks. Don’t keep him waiting.”

You shrug, saying, “you’re the boss.”

“And bring them out to him, _____.”

“Wh–”

“What, you’re gonna make the Kim Taehyung collect his drinks? Like… like some sort of pleb?” Hoseok says, eyes wide. “You’re insane. I told you college was rotting your brain, girl.”

You snort and walk to the other end of the counter, getting to work on making Taehyung’s drinks.

You’re in the middle of extracting shots of coffee when the door to the cafe opens, and a loud group of people walk in, with very little care for the rest of the patrons around.

Of course one of them has to be Eunseok.

Hoseok busily takes the group’s orders while you finish up on Taehyung’s drinks, dreading the moment you have to take them to his table when you notice Eunseok and the rest of his friends sit themselves down on tables between the counter and Taehyung, leaving you with no choice but to walk past them.

“All done?” Hoseok asks, coming over to you to get to work on the next batch of orders.

“Yeah,” you say. “Hey, Seok. How would you like to be the one to deliver Kim Taehyung’s drinks to him personally?”

“Nope,” Yoongi interrupts; you and Hoseok flinch.

“What th– I thought you went to the back!”

“I figured I should probably stay here and make sure you guys don’t mess up a billionaire’s coffee. Anyway. You take the drinks out, _____.”

“Why me?”

“You’re the prettiest face in this cafe right now. We need to make a good impression.”

“Uh, one: I’m offended, but two: I agree,” Hoseok says. “Knowing me, I’m gonna choke and trip on air. It’s probably for the best that you do it.”

You sigh quietly, but reach for a tray to carry the drinks over on.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Yoongi says, hand on your arm to stop you. You watch, confused when he walks over to the cake display case, taking a slice of the strawberry shortcake and the chocolate cake, placing it down onto the tray too.

“Uh, I don’t think he’ll–” you start.

“_____. He could drive this cafe to the ground with one bad word. Our jobs depend on this.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll go. Jeez.”

You snort and shake your head, laughing as you walk away from the counter. The laughter dies down, however, when you remember what – or rather, who – you’ll need to pass to get to Taehyung, and you steel yourself, avoiding eye contact.

Despite your best efforts, you don’t make it through without a hiccup.

Fortunately for you, you catch the way Eunseok sticks his foot out in an attempt to trip you with a full tray. You still trip, but by some grace of God, you manage to not spill anything. You don’t realise you’d been holding in a breath until you’re standing upright again, feeling your heart pounding as Eunseok and his friends laugh loudly.

As usual, Taehyung doesn’t miss a thing.

“Jeez. Watch where you’re going, you klutz,” Eunseok cries as you continue to walk over to Taehyung’s table. “You could’ve spilled drinks all over Kim Taehyung.” His laughter stops immediately as he realises what he’d just said. “K-Kim Taehyung?”

“You alright?” Taehyung asks quietly, eyebrows furrowed as you set down his and Jeongguk’s drinks.

“Hmm? Yeah, no I’m good. It’s just Eunseok,” you reply, shrugging and feigning nonchalance.

“Just Eunseok,” Jeongguk replies. “That sounds sus. Want me to beat him up?”

“No, Jeongguk. It’s fine.” You chuckle softly. “Don’t ruin your suit. I actually really like this one.”

“See? I was right. All black is the way to go, sir. Even _____ agrees.”

Taehyung doesn’t seem to let go of what happened, and you notice this, quick to step and block his view as he tries to glance over at Eunseok’s table.

“Don’t,” you say. “You’re gonna do something crazy. I can see it in your eyes. Just leave it. He’s just an idiot who’s been tackled in rugby too many times. He’s got three braincells left – tops.” Jeongguk snorts, almost choking on a sip of coffee. “Just enjoy your coffee and free cake.”

“Dibs on the chocolate one,” Jeongguk says, already pulling the plate closer to himself.

Taehyung is quiet, before exhaling through his nose with restrained frustration and looking up at you.

“Alright,” he says. “If you say so. Thank you, petal.”

“Call out if you need anything else.”

                                                      〰️

“Who the fuck is that?” Yoongi asks quietly, clearly having seen everything, judging by the scowl on his face.

“Just some idiot that’s been trying to make my life a living hell since freshman year. No biggie,” you say, shrugging and putting the tray down on the counter.

“‘No bigg–’? _____, he just tried to trip you!”

“Yeah, so?”

“So?” Hoseok cries, slamming down a plastic cup on the bench. “_____.”

“Guys. Just leave him. There are bigger problems in the world than an idiot with a 2.1 GPA.”

Yoongi sighs.

“Fine. How was Mr. Kim?” he asks.

“He was alright. He didn’t bite my head off, if that’s what you were expecting. I didn’t melt into a puddle in the awesome of his presence either.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t,” Hoseok says with a nod, impressed.

“He’s a human being, Seok. Not an alien,” you reply, laughing.

“Eh. Could’ve fooled me.”

                                                     〰️

“Hi. Excuse me.”

Eunseok turns with a confused sound, scowl etched on his features, until he realises the person who has called for his attention is Taehyung. He starts to cough, coffee trickling down his throat the wrong way.

“H-hi. Hello. Yes. Kim Taehyung, sir,” he says, clearing his throat. The girl beside him nudges his side as a violent reminder, and Eunseok stands, bowing his head.

“What’s your name?” Taehyung asks, taking a loud sip of his drink.

“L-Lee Eunseok!”

“Eunseok, huh? Are you a student at the university near here too?”

“Yes, sir, I am.”

“What’s your major?”

“Ah, I’m… kind of between majors right now. Just tryin’ to find the right one for me, ya know?” (Jeongguk snorts, turning to look out the window to not make his distaste obvious.) “But I’m the soccer of the captain team! I-I mean… captain of the soccer team.”

“I-I’m on the soccer team too, sir!” one of Eunseok’s friends pitches in, leaning forward for Taehyung to see.

“I see,” Taehyung says, rolling his cup around in his hand. “And the girl who served me my coffee?”

“Who, _____?” Eunseok scoffs. “She’s just some nerd who spends all her time getting on lecturers’ ‘good sides’ and volunteers at some stupid animal shelter. Hardly worth your time or attention, sir.”

“Is that right?”

“She’s, like, top of the class or somethin’,” one of the girls at the table says, rolling her eyes. “And she’s on scholarship or whatever. What a snooze.”

“I take it you guys aren’t fans of hers,” Taehyung says, eyebrow arched.

“Well, yeah. She ratted out Eunseok oppa for cheating on his mid term paper and final exam in sophomore year. But, like… he only cheated because if he didn’t pass his classes, he wasn’t gonna be let onto the team anymore. He barely made it on that year.”

Taehyung sees Jeongguk press his fist to his lips, disguising more laughter as a restrained cough. Taehyung agrees wholeheartedly with his bodyguard, but remains calm.

“Hey, uh, Mister Kim Taehyung, sir,” Eunseok says. “What brings you out here anyway?”

“Hmm? Oh. Just… passing through. I don’t get to visit this side of Seoul very often, and I had some time to kill,” Taehyung replies with a small shrug. “Anyway. We should get going, I think. I should get back to work.”

“No, yeah, of course! Right!” Taehyung thinks Eunseok’s head could fall off with how much he’s nodding. “I-It was really nice to meet you, sir.”

Jeongguk is the first to stand, adjusting his suit jacket before stepping aside to let Taehyung walk ahead of him. 

Taehyung gives the table a nod and a smile, before approaching to counter.

Hoseok, manning the counter, freezes, eyes wide.

“Hello. Hoseok, was it? I’d like to ask, if I can: were you the one who made our coffee today?” Taehyung asks.

“Uh… it was mostly _____, but I’ll take some credit if you’d like,” Hoseok replies, laughing.

“Seok, don’t forget to refill the paper cups as w–” Yoongi stops, mid sentence, noticing Taehyung at the counter.

“Hi there. You are…?” Taehyung says, head tilting slightly.

“U-um… Min Yoongi. I’m the manager here. Sir.”

“Ah, the manager! Well then, thank you for the hospitality. I’m sure I speak on my and Jeongguk’s behalf when I say that the coffee was great. I’ll be sure to recommend this cafe to my friends if they ever happen to pass by this part of town.”

“Oh my g– wow. Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

“Of course. Is… _____ still here? Hoseok here mentioned that she was the one who made our coffees. I’d like to extend my compliments if I could,” Taehyung says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the counter.

“Yes, no, of course! Give me a second.” Taehyung watches as Yoongi pokes his head into the back room, yelling out your name. “Hi. Yeah. She’s just here.”

“What?” you ask, clipboard in hand, stepping out to approach the counter and resting against it. “Oh, hey. Were you after something else?”

“No, we’re on our way out, and Jeongguk and I just want to say thank you for the coffee. It was lovely, _____.”

“Oh, no problem. Stop by anytime you’d like. We’ll be here.”

“Agreed,” Hoseok says, nodding.

“Noted.”

Taehyung straightens up, hands still flat on the counter, and you look down to watch his fingers tap against the laminated wood. When you glance up, he has a pensive look on his face, but he doesn’t give you a second to question it before he’s leaning forward, gingerly cradling your chin on his finger and thumb as he kisses you.

You hear gasps, camera shutters going off on phones, people coughing as they choke on sips of coffee and bites of cake, and Hoseok dropping plastic cups behind you.

When he pulls away, he’s smiling, and you roll your eyes and laugh.

“What happened to ‘lowkey’, huh?” you ask, arching a brow.

Taehyung shrugs as he leans back, sliding his hands into the pockets of his slacks, saying, “changed my mind.” You lock eyes with Jeongguk over Taehyung’s shoulder; he laughs quietly, shaking his head. “Also. You didn’t reply to my text.”

“Wh– I was in a lecture!”

“Ugh. Studying.”

“I’m sorry. Who was the one who cancelled a dinner date because I, quote, ‘needed to finish the term paper, even if it’s not contributing to your final grade’?”

“Oof. She got you there,” Jeongguk says.

“You’re not helping,” Taehyung says, sighing. “Are you okay for Thursday though?”

“Hmm.” You turn around to look at Yoongi, whose eyes resemble marbles. “Am I rostered on for Thursday, Yoongs? Yoongs? Yoongi.”

“Huh? What? What’s up?”

“Am I working on Thursday?” you ask.

“You… uh… um… I… n-no?”

You turn back to Taehyung, shrugging and saying, “guess I’m free for Thursday.”

“Perfect,” Taehyung replies with a grin. “Should I come back and pick you up after your shift today? I’m free after seven.”

“Nah. I’m alright. I have to study tonight.”

“Right. Of course. Well, we should let you guys get back to work then. Call me when you get home so I know your alive, angel.”

“Will do. Have fun with work,” you say. “Bye, Jeongguk!”

“See you later, _____,” Jeongguk says, smiling as he waves.

“Thank you again, Yoongi, Hoseok,” Taehyung says, nodding his head with a smile. “I’m sure I’ll see you guys again soon. Let’s go, Guk.”

“After you.”

Jeongguk steps aside again to let Taehyung walk first, and Taehyung turns on his heels to start walking, only to stop mid-stride. You watch him turn to face the rest of the tables in the cafe with a smile.

“Eunseok.” Your eyes grow wide. Fuck. “Hope everything goes well with your studying, champ. Try not to cheat in the future though. That’s not very cool. Enjoy the rest of your evening, everyone!”

Jeongguk doesn’t even try to hold back his laughter as he holds the door open for Taehyung.

[solange-lol]

not so typical love song - ch. 6/13

Chapter Title: Oogum Boogum Song

Words: 1,711

Art by @lizzybizzyo! <3

[ one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight (coming soon)]

read on ao3

—

The moment Nico got home from school that Wednesday, finally ready to be off for the long weekend for Thanksgiving, he could tell something was different.

For one thing, his father was actually home (per his car in the driveway.) And there were actually voices coming from the kitchen that greeted him, rather than the typical cold, empty silence.

Which could only mean one thing…

Nico’s eyes lit up the moment he stepped into the kitchen. “Bianca!”

His sister looked up from the conversation she was having with their father and Persephone. She immediately jumped up from the table, and Nico dropped his bag, practically running over to greet her.

The moment they hugged Nico realized how much he missed her. Life had been hectic, and as much as Blue may provide some sort of sense to his world, it felt amazing to have physical comfort again,

It almost made Nico want to tell Bianca about all he’s been through.

He stored that thought away for later, instead focusing on being here in the moment with his sister.

“I can’t believe you’re home,” he mumbled into her shoulder. (It wasn’t fair that she was 5’9 while he was stuck at 5'4.)

Bianca pulled back. “You didn’t really think I’d miss Thanksgiving, did you?”

“No! I’m just surprised you’re home so early! I thought you would be flying in the morning of.”

“Nope,” Bianca smiled, leading him over to the dining table where their parents still sat. “I got done with classes yesterday, so I took the day to get my stuff together, and then took a train this morning.”

“You took the train?” Nico asked, bewildered. “But that’s like… an eight hour trip”

Bianca shrugged. “Airline security during the holidays from now until the New Year is horrible. I didn’t really feel like waiting hours in line, so I thought I would just suck it up and make it easier on myself.” She paused before changing the subject. “Now, where’s that sister of ours?”

Nico smiled. “Probably getting a ride home from Frank.”

Bianca raised an eyebrow, a matching smile spreading across her face. “Ah, yes. The infamous Frank.” Nico and Bianca tried to call each other once a week whenever Bianca was free to talk, and during those calls, Nico did his best to catch her up on what was going on at home. “Will I ever get to meet this boy?”

Nico shrugged. “Dunno. None of us have met him yet. Maybe you’ll be our lucky charm.”

As if on cue, they heard the door shut, and Hazel walked in. “Bianca!”

A near-identical greeting to Nico’s ensued, and soon the five of them were sitting in the family room, drinking hot chocolate together as they caught Bianca up on everything Nico had missed during their phone calls. 

“So tell me about this Frank,” Bianca smiled, crossing her legs and giving Hazel a look over the top of her mug as she took another sip. 

Hazel immediately flushed, curls bouncing as she shook her head. “I told you guys, he’s just a friend. But, um, we are going to the homecoming dance together,” she said, more to her mug than to her family. 

Bianca smiled calmly. She opened her mouth to say something, but Nico cut her off.

“What?”

When Hazel and Bianca both gave him a warning look, he took a deep breath and tried again. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah, because I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it!” Hazel retorted, causing Bianca to giggle while Nico huffed. Persephone and just watched amusedly from the side, and even their father had the hint of a smile on his face.

“Speaking of homecoming, who are you bringing, Neeks?” Bianca asked, elbowing him with a sly smile.

“Oh, um. Nobody, I don’t think. I mean, I’m going with friends but not, like, with a date.” 

He wasn’t lying; he really did only plan on going with friends. It was tradition by that point for his group to go to the dance together unless somebody got asked, and even then they usually just included their date in the group. Plus, even if Nico did have a date, he doubted he would really fit Bianca’s expectations. 

What she said next just confirmed his suspicion. “Why not? Are girls not lining up to ask you out? I thought people were into the whole edgy and mysterious thing nowadays.”

Nico scuffed his toe on the carpet. “Haha, uh, yeah. Not exactly,” he said, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Because I’m gay. GAY!

Maybe coming out to Bianca this week wasn’t the best idea…

—

Nico excused himself to his room later that night after a game of monopoly, despite his sister’s many attempts.

“We could watch Titanic?”  Hazel offered, but Nico just shook his head. While it was one of their shared favorite movies, (especially Nico’s), he wasn't exactly in the mood. 

Also, he didn’t really feel like explaining tonight that the reason he loved it so much was because of a young Leonardo DiCaprio.

He wanted to ask Blue how the coming out process with his family was going, maybe even get a few pointers. However, when he opened his laptop that night, Nico was surprised to see an email already waiting for him. And judging by the subject line, Nico wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect as he clicked on it.  

From:  blue0919@gmail.com

To: bettertoburn@gmail.com

Date: Nov 27 at 5:41 PM

Subject: This might be a lot to take in

I’ve had such a weird day. So much happened I can’t even tell if it's real, and what’s good or bad about it. 

When I got home from school yesterday, both of my parents were there. As in, my mom and my actual birth father. I haven’t seen my dad since I was 4 years old. He stopped sending me birthday money when I was about 10. I sort of assumed he was dead.

Apparently, he’s not dead, though, and he and my mom were just sitting there like he hasn’t been ignoring us for the past 12 years of my life. 

And get this: there were two other kids there. Apparently, I have siblings (and the worst part is, my mom told me later that I might have more. I could have 10 siblings and I wouldn’t even know. My father is a manwhore, apparently.)

The room was dead silent and I just had to sit there awkwardly with these two other kids and listen to them explain the situation. Apparently, my mom is adopting them because my father isn’t fit to take care of them. He essentially guilted her into it because he’s a deadbeat and my mom is the kindest person you’ll ever meet. 

Anyway, after an excruciating hour of small talk, they excused us. Except my house is small and it’s quiet, and when they started arguing we just sat silently on the staircase. They didn’t even last a whole minute before they were screaming at each other. We could hear every word. 

Imagine being stuck with two people you’ve never met but are apparently related to. I felt trapped at the top of this staircase, just sitting between the wall and the railing as they watched me. I honestly felt like banging my head on the wall a few hundred times until it broke through, but they both already seemed so scared. 

Anyway, they’re moving in a little before the holiday break, which means I need to get to know them well enough soon so I can get them gifts for Hannukah. (If they grew up celebrating Christmas… well I don’t know what to do then).  My half-sister (that’s so weird to say) is a freshman, and my half-brother is a sophomore. I don’t know a thing about either of them but after the holiday break, they’re coming to CHS. I’m being completely honest here, Angel, I don’t know how I feel about it yet. 

My dad wants to take me out to dinner or something before he disappears forever, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting any of this. 

I’m so lost, Angel. If anyone can find some sort of humor in this, it’s you. Or just distract me. You’re good at that too.

Love,

Blue

Nico felt like he was looking at a weird, distorted mirror, like something you would find in a funhouse. Who knew Blue would have such a similar situation to something Nico had dealt with years prior?

He knew that this would have come out sooner or later the more they went in detail about their lives, so biting the bullet, he started to type.

From: bettertoburn@gmail.com

To: blue0919@gmail.com

Date: Nov 27 at 7:45 PM

Subject: Re: This might be a lot to take in

You probably won’t believe this, Blue, but I’ve been through something similar. 

Remember when I mentioned my half-sister and how it wasn’t a long story I was interested in getting into? Yeah, apparently when my mom died (I was maybe two years old at the time) my dad had some interesting coping mechanisms. And 12 years later after her mom died, suddenly I’m being told that I have another sister. Not exactly something you’d expect to hear at 13 years old.

But, I learned to love her. She’s my sister through and through.

You know me, Blue. I’m not one for pep talks, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It wasn’t for me. Nor will I say I understand, because frankly, there’s no way I can understand what you’re feeling completely. You’re not crazy for feeling the way you do.

I’m here to support you. If anyone can get through this, it’s you.

(That’s really cheesy and unhelpful) (But also true)

Love,

Angel

Nico let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding once he sent it. It was sort of scary how much he was willing to risk just to comfort Blue, but it felt worth it. 

He would do anything for Blue.

Now if only they could work up the courage to reveal their identities before someone did it for them.

[squishyocalum]

Never {Four}

The darkness of my room was kept at bay by the golden christmas lights strung around my window seal. I was sitting at my desk attempting to work on this essay that honestly wasn’t that appealing to me. We were supposed to write about how our summer went and honestly what was I supposed to say? ‘My mom died not even a week after school started so my school year was shit and then my best friend kissed me and now we’re dating but not really because he won’t show any affection around other people’? Yeah that sounds like a fantastic paper. A knock sounded at my door snapping from my thoughts.

“Come in.”

My dad popped his head into my room with a worried look on his face.

“Pumpkin I’ve been texting you for the past twenty minutes to come down for dinner, are you okay?”

“Yeah, my phones off so i can focus on this stupid english paper.” I pushed my hand through my hair letting the side of my head rest in the palm of my hand. “I don’t think I want to eat, I’ll probably take a shower and just go to bed.”

“Okay well I ordered pizza, I’ll leave you some in the fridge in case you get hungry later tonight. I love you.”

“Thank you, I love you too.” He nodded his head and shut my door firmly. I could hear his footsteps as he descended down the stairs, then promptly decided to shut my laptop and go take a shower.

 I grabbed my phone and turned it on before I grabbed a towel from my closet and then underwear, shorts, and a band T - shirt from my dresser. My phone was still on DND so even if anyone had tried to contact me I wasn’t getting a notification for it. I pressed shuffle and ‘Millennia’ by Crown The Empire started to play through the speakers. I caught sight of multiple messages lining my screen, but being my stubborn self I chose to actively ignore them.

I finally stepped into the hot water and allowed it to cascade down my body. I stood there for at least ten minutes letting the annoyance and worry of the day fade away before I grabbed my shampoo and lathered it through my hair.

After rinsing my hair and conditioning it I put my ‘Apple Blossom’ body wash on my loofa and scrubbed my body. I felt tears begin to brim in my eyes as I rinsed myself off before turning the heat of the water up and sitting in the bottom of the tub; I pulled my knees to my chest and let tears fall down my face.

All I want right now is to talk to my mom, she would know what to do. She’s the reason I didn’t stop going to public school my sophomore year but she’s gone now, and I’m alone to figure this stuff out on my own.

After forty minutes I finally pulled myself from the shower and got dressed before brushing my teeth. I rubbed lotion on my body to keep my skin from drying and then turned off the light and made my way down to my bedroom. ‘Someone To Stay’ by Vancouver Sleep Clinic played quietly through my speakers as I approached my door. When I entered my bedroom I noticed someone sitting in my desk chair and I jumped slightly, ready to scream until I saw his face.

“Calum Thomas you scared the shit out of me!” I yelled in a hushed voice. He stood to his feet and made his way to me pulling me into a hug.

“What’s wrong baby?” He mumbled into the side of my neck as he rubbed circles in the small of my back. I hugged him back letting my head rest in his chest.

“I miss my mom.” That was only a half lie.

“So you’re not upset about what Arzaylea said in class?”

I pulled away from him and sighed.

“I mean yeah, it kind of upset me. It made me start thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“I mean, we do spend a lot of time together, and now that we’re together does that not make me look like a slut-”

He cut me off by reaching behind me and locking my door, he pulled me to sit with him on my bed.

“You are not a slut, Thalia. You are nowhere near being a slut.”

“Calum-”

“No, listen to me. You are the most amazing girl I have ever known. Let them talk, let them make up as many rumors as they want because I will be next to you the entire time; holding your hand and walking through it with you.”

He grabbed onto my hand and lifted it to his chest, I leaned down so my forehead was resting between his collar bones once again. We sat there for a moment in complete silence before I felt tears start to brim in my eyes.

“You know my mom liked you.” I whispered turning my face so my cheek was resting on his shoulder “She knew I liked you, and she used to cover for me when I would show up late after being with you guys.” He laughed at the information and looked down at me.

“Even that time that I wrecked my moms car and you had that cut on your forehead?”

“Yeah,” I pushed my way up my bed motioning for him to lay with me “She told my dad that she hit me with the door by accident.”

“He’s never going to like me is he?”

“He’s scared Calum, after what happened with Mali he just thinks-”

“That I’m a monster.”

I shot my head up to look at him, I sat up quickly and cupped his face with my hands.

“Baby no. You are not a monster, It was an accident. Everyone knows that.”

Tears were invading his soft brown eyes, he moved his hand up to mine and rubbed his thumb over it in a soothing motion.

“Thank you for always being such a good friend to me, such a good girlfriend.”

His words sent chills over my body. We have pet names for each other but I think I’ve only ever heard him refer to me as his girlfriend once or twice. It gave me a feeling like no other.

“Calum, I care about you so much,” I bowed my head feeling tears start to resurface “But I can’t go through that again.”

“What are you talking about? We just had this whole conversation about walking through this together-”

“You barely looked at me when we were around other people today, I mean you acted like it was a bad idea to touch me. So maybe it just isn’t the right time for us.”

“I thought you would want to keep the physical stuff to a minimum because of all the slut stuff. Didn’t you just say you thought it made you look like a slut?”

“A Minimum, Calum. Not cut off completely; this is going to be a hard week for me and I could have used your comfort. It made me start thinking that maybe this isn’t the best time for us to start a relationship.”

“What so you’re breaking up with me?”

“No, not necessarily. I just think that if you want to keep physical interaction low then we should keep the relationship low. That way we avoid any rumors.”

“Does this have anything to do with you being worried about your dad finding out about me?”

I hesitated for a split second but that gave him just enough time to jump right into his own conclusion. He stood up and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Yeah, go get your scholarship and go to that college in washington. Go find someone who fits your mold-”

“Calum - no! No, please don’t take it like that!”

“Well that’s what you mean right? I mean come on, you’re dads never going to accept me, and you’re so caught up in the bullshit that people say about you that you’re too scared to let yourself be happy. So yeah, let’s distance ourselves.”

He backed away from me despite my efforts to pull him closer and it felt like my heart was breaking under the pressure of his cold stare. Hurt littered his eyes and I could see tears brimming on the edges of the dark orbs.

“Calum, no I just meant that for the time being, maybe it would be better if we didn’t spend so much time together.”

“There’s no one I would rather spend my time with, Thalia.” His voice broke off in his throat and it was my turn to let tears build behind my green eyes.

“I’m not saying we have to break up, Cal. We just shouldn’t always be on top of each other at school.”

Before I knew it he was standing by my window ready to disappear into the night, he looked back at me sadness overtaking his features before he shook his head and vanished.

“Please don’t go..” I whispered to myself, a piece of me hoping he heard me; but I stood in my room for several moments hoping he would come back but he never did. I know that I was being dramatic, in a sense, and I know that it could have been handled in a better way but words were never easy to come by when I was around him. Maybe it was my heart’s way of pushing him out before I could get hurt, but either way it was a mistake.

~~

The next few days dragged by like sandpaper on an open wound. Tuesday was awkward to say the least, everytime I would try to talk to Calum he would shrug me off with one word answers or short nods. The other boys picked up on the tension and that rubbed off and when Wednesday rolled around the boys didn’t even bother trying to talk to me, but the day that hit the hardest was Thursday. I walked into the school and upon noticing the group I approached them. I wasn’t met with the normal smiles and group hugs; instead I was hit in the face with sympathetic smiles and disinterested faces.

When Luke snapped at me for trying to integrate my way into the conversation I almost couldn’t believe what he had said to me.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be distancing yourself?’ The words stung but knowing that it was likely that Calum had went and told them what I said stung more. I looked to Calum who had an angry expression plastered on his face, I silently begged him to talk to moe but he just turned away leaning onto his locker. I felt out of place in the small circle for the first time in three and a half years, so I walked away and promptly re-lived the first day of my freshman year.

Today is Friday, the last day of this horrible week before I can lay in my bed for two full days and listen to ‘The Fray’ at high volume. Today also marks the one year anniversary of my mother’s death..

I was dressed in sweatpants and a ‘Bring Me The Horizon’ hoodie, my hair was tied into a sloppy bun and instead of my regular contacts my black rimmed glasses were set carelessly on my nose.

‘How to save a life’ was playing through my earbuds and there was an unbelievable sense of sadness looming around me. The halls of the school looked bleeker today and my mind kept running back to the memory of my mom pulling me into the school with a bright smile covering her face. She was so excited about me getting to start new, when she walked me into the gym she turned to me and laughed.

“I can’t wait to see you get that diploma.” She had said. Little did I know she was never going to see me walk across that stage. She would never see me off to college, she would never see me get married.

Sadly, however, I had the dissatisfaction of seeing her casket lowered into the ground before I got to enter the second week of my junior year.

It felt as if everyone was staring at me as I made my way to my locker, some would turn and whisper while others had sympathetic looks on their faces. It’s obvious people have noticed the tension between the guys and I, we’ve never gone more than a day without talking; and it’s been three days. I bowed my head and clutched the strap of my bag trying my hardest to avoid the stares, but when a hand grabbed mine pulling me from my thoughts I had no choice but to look up.

I met Ashton’s eyes and me heart fell slightly, I had hoped to see Calum; but I should’ve known my destructive spontaneous words weren’t being forgotten that easily.

“I wanted to give you this.” He smiled to me holding out a perfectly packaged red velvet cupcake. I smiled weakly at him and took it out of his hands.

“Thanks.” I turned to walk away but was once again stopped by his hand.

“Luke didn’t mean what he said the other day, you know him and Cal are just close so when he came over that night and told us what you said it got him all riled up.”

“I deserved it, it’s fine.” I found myself unable to meet his eyes in fear that I might start crying in the middle of the hallway.

“I know today’s a rough day for you Tallie,” He reached up to push his light brown curls from his forehead “I was thinking maybe you could come with us for lunch-”

“Not today Ash.” My words caught in my throat when I looked up at him and saw the hope in his eyes turn to hurt “Just not today.”

I turned away and this time he let me walk away, I saw the other boys gathered around Michaels locker, and despite the fact that Calum met my eyes we didn’t speak to each other.

The classes of the day dragged by boringly, per usual. Without Calum to talk to there was nothing that seemed interesting. Throughout the day, my mind wandered to inside jokes that I would usually share with the guys, but with no one of interest to me I kept them to myself.

When Phycology rolled around I perked up a little bit, the teacher had turned out to be a rather hilarious comedian; and it was my last class of the day.

“Good afternoon class, I hope you’re all having a wonderful day.” Mr. Rogers beamed as he walked through the door. I could hear Arzaylea behind me making her normal snide comments, some of them were more out of pocket than usual. “Thalia, you’re looking awfully glum today, care to share your thoughts?”

Before I could even open my mouth Arzaylea’s voice spoke up.

“Calum and the guys dumped her.” She snickered, when I looked back at her she had a mock pout plastered on her face, my eyes flickered to Michael who only fidgeted in his seat. I didn’t even have the energy to clap back at her so I turned back around and shook my head before resting my forehead on my arms. Class carried on and my ears picked up on several things that Arzaylea was saying, if I thought Audrey did damage to my image I can’t even imagine what this walking bundle of gossip is going to be able to do.

“Is it true she has the clap, Mikey?” I heard her giggle

“Would you get a fucking life.” He groaned, making it a point to avoid the conversation.

After that I reached into my bag and pulled out my earbuds, I saw Mr. Rogers look to me but he didn’t say anything. I let the music flow through my ears for the remaining twenty minutes of class, and when the bell finally rang, I grabbed my bag quickly making my way out of the door. I didn’t get far though seeing as how Arzaylea jumped in front of me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. I pulled my earbuds out and stood my ground, annoyance finally bubbling over in my mind.

“This is pathetic really, sweetheart. I mean come on; you had to know they would drop you eventually-”

“They didn’t drop me.” I blurted suddenly pulling a laugh from her. I thought back to the day I confronted Audrey and for a split second I had to remind myself that hitting this girl wasn’t an option.

“Yeah, they did. And you’re all twisted up because your mom isn’t here. I mean come on what are you seven?”

“I would watch your fucking mouth-”

“What are you gonna do, Thalia? You gonna sick Calum on me? Maybe Ashton?” She lowered her eyes at me and for the first time since the conversation started I noticed how many people were watching, maybe it was an option to hit her. “Awe, are you gonna go call your mom?”

It was like something snapped in me and I shifted my books to my left arm and slapped the shit out of her. She pressed her hand to her cheek, rubbing it softly before she spit her next set of words at me. The ones that cut the deepest.

“Your moms lucky she killed herself before she had to see what a slut you were-”

I was on top of her then throwing punch after punch, tears were streaming down my face and I’m almost positive I was screaming at her.

However, all of that is a blur.

I felt two arms wrap around my waist, and when they spun me around to try to wrap me in a hug I saw Calulm staring down at me which only made me angrier. I pushed and pulled to get out of his grip but he held on.

“Thalia, you could lose your scholarship, calm down. Breathe.” He spoke in the most soothing voice he could muster. “You’re better than this.”

I stilled in his arms and looked up at him, anger overcoming all of my senses. I shoved him one last time breaking out of his arms.

“Don’t talk to me like you give a shit.” I spat grabbing my things from the floor and all but running to the front of the school. I finally got to my car, but my keys weren’t secured to the strap of my bag as usual so I had to scramble through my bag to find them.

“Thalia, damnit will you just talk to me!” He yelled, catching up to me in the parking lot.

“About what! I said we need to distance ourselves not stop talking completely! This is the hardest week I’ve had since she died and I needed you guys, but you took everything so wrong-” I furiously wiped tears from under my eyes and moved to unlock my car “Just leave me alone, Calum.”

“Princess I didn’t mean to hurt-”

“Would you just fuck off? You left so easy the other night, when I wanted you to stay so why the hell is it so hard now?” I turned abruptly to look at him and noticed him step back slightly.

“Because I love you.” He mumbled staring down at his hands. I looked up at him in awe turning my back on my car and swimming around my mind to find the words to respond. He shook his head and grabbed my hands trying his best to keep his distance. “Yeah, I took it the wrong way and I should have stayed to listen to you but my ego got in the way and-”

“And you turned the only other friends I had against me.”

“If it makes you feel any better Ashton right hooked the shit out of me last night.” He gestured to a bruise on the side of his face and out of instinct I reached for it and rubbed it softly with the pad of my thumb. “He told me I was acting like a ten year old, and he’s right. I shouldn’t have let you go through this alone.”

He was closer to me now, most likely taking my gesture as a go ahead to advance. His hand was resting gently on my jaw and his fingers were dancing around the baby hairs falling around the nape of my neck.

“We have to talk to each other Calum, we have to listen to each other or this won’t ever work. I got ahead of myself and I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

“Do you have anything planned with your dad tonight?”

“He told me he was working overtime tonight, I guess it’s his way of coping with the situation.”

“Do you want to come with the guys and I tonight? We can try to keep your mind off of everything.”

I didn’t say yes on instinct like I would have usually because I was genuinely conflicted, I wanted to go hang out with them and it would probably be better for me to not be alone tonight; but if I was going to be met with the same attitude from the guys as the past few days then it just wasn’t something I could handle.

“I don’t know Calum, I don’t want to intrude-”

“You’re not intruding if you’re invited princess. Plus you’re never intruding with us.”

I looked down at my hands and twirled my keys around my fingers before I shook my head, and connected my watery eyes with his.

“If all it took was you being sad to turn Luke and Micheal against me then they were never really my friends to begin with. I cannot deal with any more of that stuff, not today of all days.”

“Luke didn’t mean what he said-”

“Okay for one, it doesn’t matter because Ashtons the only one who said anything friendly to me for the past few days, and for two, I really need to go because I’m in a hoodie and it’s hot as shit out here.” I opened my door and reached over my steering wheel to start the car “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I promise.”

He stood outside my car window as I buckled myself in, but before I could drive off I rolled my window down at gestured for him to lean in. I rested my palm on the side of his face and pulled him into a short kiss. When we pulled away from each other I smiled up at him.

“I love you too, Cal.” I rolled up my window and couldn’t help but laugh at the bewildered but happy look plastered on his face as I drove away.

For a second I wasn’t thinking about my mom, or about the other guys, or even about the fact that I just beat the shit out of the all mighty Arzaylea. My mind was stuck on Calum and the way he made me feel, it was here in my car en route to my house that I decided it was time to start living for me.

[ricandhaiz]

Blindsided, Chapter 3

The day was warm and sunny with a slight wind as Nic made his way to the university’s main plaza to meet Allie. Given the burned portions of skin’s hypersensitivity to the sun, he’d opted to wear a long sleeve denim shirt and jeans with a baseball cap. While navigating through the throng of students coming and going to campus, he noticed that most of the people gathering for the men’s acapella group’s lunch time performance were women. He spotted Allie and Charlie sitting on a patch of grass underneath a large jacaranda tree not far from the arched gateway separating the upper and lower portions of the plaza. Charlie wagged his tail and barked in acknowledgment as he approached them.

“Nic, is that you?” Allie asked.

“You weren’t kidding when you told me this show was popular with the girls,” Nic replied as he sat down next to her. “I’m surprised there aren’t more men here. This place is practically swarming with women. I think I’m outnumbered three to one, which are great odds for any single guy who’s looking to pick up a girl.”

Allie smiled. “You think so?”

“Absolutely,” Nic replied as he thought about what his pre-accident self would have done in this situation. “It’s their loss, I guess. Lucky for me, I’m already sitting next to the prettiest girl on campus.”

“Wow,” Allie exclaimed, giggling. “You do have a way with words. My B.S. meter is usually pretty good at spotting a player a mile away but the way you just said that almost sounded believable.”

“You think I’m lying?” Nic replied.

Just then, a petite brunette wearing a red t-shirt and jean shorts arrived with arms laden with food and drinks. She greeted Allie with a warm hello as she bent down and handed her a can of Coke and a tuna sandwich. She turned to Nic as she sat down next to Charlie and said, “You must be the guy that Allie’s been talking my ear off about. You’re Nic, right?” Nic glanced at Allie, who was blushing. He nodded. She extended her hand to him and said, “Hi, I’m her roommate, Nicole.”

He shook Nicole’s hand and said, “I can’t imagine what she could’ve said about me. I’m really not that interesting.”

“Oh please,” Nicole replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Your name rang a bell as soon as she mentioned it, so being the overprotective and nosy friend that I am, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet. You’re one of the Spanish soccer players who got into that horrific car accident in L.A. two years ago, right?” Nic nodded again, feeling decidedly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking. “It was all over the news.”

His face fell as he recalled all the news clippings about the accident that his abuela had shown him when he had first returned to Spain. “Have you talked to anyone else other than Allie about me?” Nicole shook her head. Relieved, he added, “I’d appreciate it if you could keep what you’ve learned about me to yourself. It was a very painful period in my life and it took a long time for me to come to terms with what happened. I had to undergo months of physical and psychological therapy to get to where I am now. During that process, I decided that I needed a fresh start. That’s why I came here to study.”

“Of course,” Nicole replied contritely. “Mum’s the word.”

“Have many people asked you about your accident?” Allie asked as she popped the tab on her soda can.

Nic paused, then said, “It hasn’t really come up in any of the conversations I’ve had with my professors and classmates. I think they’re savvy enough to realize that it’s a sensitive issue for me and have chosen to respect my privacy in that regard.”

“Allie tells me that you’re in an MBA student,” Nicole said in a tentative voice. “Do you know where you’re going and what you want to do after you graduate?”

Nic sensed that her question had a lot to do with her concern for Allie and where a possible relationship with him might lead. In an attempt to assuage her concerns, he replied, “My family has been in the wine business for generations. Naturally, my papá would like to pass the business on to me once he retires but nothing’s set in stone. I could decide to stay here after I graduate. It’s too early yet for me to say for sure one way or the other.”

“Some of the articles I read said that your father also played professional football,” Nicole said.

“Yes, he did,” Nic replied, grateful that the focus of the conversation had at least temporarily shifted away from him. “He was one of three goalkeepers chosen to be a part of the Spanish national football team at both the 1994 and 1998 FIFA World Cups. He played for Real Madrid and Barça for years before he retired in the early 2000s.”

“Is he the reason why you decided to be a footballer too?” Allie asked.

“In part, but it was mostly because I loved playing the game too. My madre told me that I was playing with footballs even before I learned to walk.”

Allie then asked him, “Did people often compare you to your father?”

“All the time,” Nic replied as he reflected on his padre’s storied football career. “I didn’t mind. Most of the time, it just motivated me to work harder, especially since I’m two inches shorter than he is. Most goalkeepers are usually at least six feet tall.”

“Was he very involved in your sports career?” Allie asked.

Nic reflected on her question, then said, “He only gave me advice when I asked for it. He made it clear to me early on in my career that he wanted me to succeed on my own merit.”

“I bet your mom’s mighty proud of what you’ve accomplished,” Allie said. “Not many people have the skill or the talent to make it to the professional level of football like you did.”

“I’m sure she would have been,” Nic replied slowly. “She died of breast cancer when I was a teenager.”

Allie gasped in surprise and bit her lip. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“There’s no need for you to apologize,” Nic interjected. “You didn’t say or do anything wrong.”

After a brief pause in the conversation, Nicole leaned in as she placed her hand on Allie’s shoulder and said, “Well, now that Nic’s in the picture, maybe Conner will finally take a hint and go and find someone else to bother.”

“It doesn’t sound like you like him much,” Nic chimed in.

“No, I don’t,” Nicole replied matter-of-factly. “And neither does Allie but she’s just too nice to tell him to buzz off.”

“Is that true?” Nic asked.

Allie sighed. “He’s all right, but what irritates me most is his tendency to treat me like an invalid who can’t do anything for herself.”

“He’s such a tool,” Nicole said, shaking her head as she took a bite of her ham and cheese sandwich. “I know he’s a family friend and all, and that your aunt and his mom are close but that doesn’t mean you should feel obliged to put up with him like you do.”

“I know,” Allie said. “But it’s not like I haven’t tried to—”

“But nothing,” Nicole cut in. “You need to stop beating around the bush and tell him to back off, especially now that I’m not going to be there to help run interference for you.”

“You���re leaving?” Nic asked.

“My boyfriend recently got an advertising job in L.A. and asked me to go with him. I graduated this past spring and have been working as a nurse at the university hospital. I’ve already got a few interviews lined up so I don’t think I’ll have much of a problem landing a job.”

“It’s a great opportunity for both of them,” Allie said with a touch of sadness in her voice despite her obvious effort to sound upbeat. “Nicole’s been dying to move to a big city like L.A. ever since we met my freshman year here.”

Nicole nodded. “Hilton City’s alright for a college town but I can’t see myself living here long term. I need to be in a place with a faster pulse, you know what I’m saying?”

Nic glanced at Allie and said, “What does this mean for you?”

Allie shrugged and patted the top of Charlie’s head. “I can’t afford the apartment we live in on my own so I’m probably going to have to move back in with my aunt and uncle for a little while. I’d rather find another roommate but that’s tricky, especially with me being blind. Nicole’s the best. It’s probably going to be near high impossible to find someone like her on such short notice.”

“Where do you live?” Nicole asked.

“My friend, Matt, helped me find a room in a house just two blocks from the south side of campus. I live with an elderly couple whose son recently moved out. They rented out his room to me as a favor to Matt.”

Nicole’s eyes seemed to widen in apparent excitement. He wondered why. She asked, “Are you obligated to stay there for the entire school year?”

“No,” Nic replied.

She quickly followed that up with a few more questions. “Do you smoke or drink?”

“No, and a lot less than I used to.”

“Are you neat? I mean, like, do you tend clean up after yourself or are you the type that leaves his stuff lying around the house?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“Have you had roommates before?”

Nic shook his head, then swiftly added, “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be a good one.”

Nicole paused, looking thoughtful as she tapped her finger to her cheek. “Would you mind having to share space, like a bathroom with someone, if you had to?”

“What’s with all the questions?” Allie cut in.

Nicole nudged her in the ribs and said, “Isn’t it obvious? I’m trying to find out if Nic would be a good replacement for me.”

“What?” Allie asked, appearing utterly confused.

“Can you just see it?” Nicole replied, clapping her hands together in delight. “Trust me. I have a sixth sense about these things.”

For a moment or two, Nicole’s suggestion rendered both Nic and Allie speechless.

“Well, say something!” Nicole said. “You know I’m right.”

“Umm…I don’t know. My aunt might not approve of me living with a guy.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and said, “Your aunt needs to bring herself into the twenty-first century. People of the opposite sex live together all the time. Isn’t that right, Nic?”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Nic replied cautiously.

“What do you think?” Allie asked.

“I don’t see why not.” Nic replied as his eyes darted back and forth between Allie and Nicole. “But I’d only do it if you’re one hundred percent okay with it.”

“Really?” Allie asked, sounding slightly off-kilter. Nic was finding it hard to gauge whether Allie agreed with Nicole’s assessment of the situation or not. But then she said, “Before you commit to anything, you ought to come by our apartment and take a look around first.”

“Are you doing anything this afternoon?” Nicole asked expectantly.

“I have an accounting class at two o’clock, but I could drop by any time after that,” Nic replied.

Nicole answered, “Why don’t you swing by at six? Allie and I will make spaghetti.” She patted Allie’s knee, adding, “Sound good?”

“Are you sure?” Allie asked, furrowing your brow as she turned her head in Nic’s direction. “We’re just getting to know each other. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like I’m pressuring you into moving in with me out of some misguided sense of obligation or pity.”

Nic placed his hand over Allie’s and gave it a squeeze. “Believe me, if I do agree to do it, feeling sorry for you definitely won’t be the reason I say yes.”

Just then, a member of The Warblers spoke up. He thanked the crowd for coming and then announced their opening song, “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Nic was grateful for the diversion. As the very real possibility of living with Allie began to sink in, he couldn’t help but think of this unexpected turn of events as the best stroke of luck that he’d encountered in a very long time. Although there was a part of him that was wary of being exposed to possible disappointment and heartbreak, the desire to love and be loved was much stronger. And so, he decided to keep an open mind and see how things would pan out later this evening.

 It was five till six when Nic looked up at the number on the white door and compared it to the piece of paper upon which Nicole had scribbled her and Allie’s apartment number and address earlier that day. It had been a pleasant and relatively short walk from the university library to their two-bedroom ground floor apartment. He’d stopped and sat on a park bench for a little while so as not to arrive too early and amused himself by watching children feed the ducks which were congregating at the edge of a small pond.

He knocked. A tall, sandy-blond haired man wearing a black t-shirt and shorts opened the door. For a second, Nic wondered if he was in the right place and was about to take a second glance at the paper in his hand when the man said, “Are you Nic? I’m Brandon, Nicole’s boyfriend. Come on in.”

Nic smiled and waved at Nicole and Allie, who were in the kitchen with Charlie, and followed Brandon to the living room. He was immediately struck by how neat and tidy the apartment looked. He glanced at an assortment of flowers in a glass vase on the coffee table and saw numerous pictures of the girls with friends and family hanging on the walls and side tables. He thought these things gave the place a decidedly homey feeling. Brandon motioned for him to take a seat on a red futon which had multicolored throw pillows on each corner.  As he sat down, his eye fell on a picture of a man in a fireman’s outfit holding a little brown-haired girl in his arms.

“That’s Allie and her dad,” Brandon said, following Nic’s line of sight. “I think Nicole told me that that picture was taken just a week before he died.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was one of the hundreds of firefighters who died on 9/11 at the Twin Towers. Allie was five.”

Brandon asked Nic if he wanted a beer. He said yes. The sound of pots and pans clanking and clattering in the kitchen filled his ears as the smell of freshly baked bread and pasta wafted through the air. He glanced at the forty-inch flat screen T.V. against the wall directly opposite the futon and the bookcases on either side of it which were filled with even more pictures, textbooks, audiobooks and CDs.

After returning to the living room with a beer in each hand, Brandon handed one to Nic and plopped onto a white bean bag next to the futon. “Nicole tells me that your thinking about moving in with Allie.” Nic nodded. “She’s a sweet girl, and Charlie’s the best. The neighbors are all right and the landlord’s usually pretty responsive to the girls whenever they’ve had a problem. Personally, the only thing that I think is kind of annoying about this place is how thin the walls are.”

“I’m a pretty deep sleeper so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Good. I was told that dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Would you like to see Nicole’s room?”

Nic shook his head. “I can wait. I wouldn’t want to do that without her being right there with me.”

“Not a problem. She’s the one who told me to ask you.” Brandon stood up and motioned for Nic to follow. “Let’s go.”

Brandon led Nic down a short hallway and then flicked on the light to the room furthest back. He stepped aside to give Nic a chance to take a peek inside. It was small bedroom with a closet which contained a twin bed, desk and dresser. He pointed to a door opposite the closet and asked, “Where does that lead?”

“The bathroom,” Brandon replied. “Did the girls tell you that you’re going to have to share it with Allie?”

No, not exactly, he thought as he tried to recall everything that Nicole had said to him earlier that day. He replied, “We really didn’t have much time to talk particulars before The Warblers’ set began.” After a brief pause, Nic asked, “Do you think Allie will have an issue about living with a roommate of the opposite sex?”

Brandon shrugged. “I doubt she would have asked you in the first place if she did. But…”

“But what?”

“Her uncle, Big Mike, might look at you sideways and give you the stink eye at first, but I’m guessing that even he’ll come around once the dust settles and he gets to know you better.”

Wonderful, Nic thought as he leaned against the doorframe and stuck his hands in his pockets. Just then, he heard light footsteps heading in his direction. He turned and saw Nicole coming toward him. She patted him on the shoulder and said, “I’m so glad you’re here. Allie’s been beside herself ever since I opened my big mouth and suggested that you move in with her.”

Nic frowned. “Is she having second thoughts?”

“God no. Just the opposite. She’s worried that I might’ve scared you off and that you’re going to say no.”

“Nicole has that effect on people,” Brandon chimed in, grinning. “Is dinner ready?” Nicole stuck her tongue out at Brandon before answering in the affirmative. Brandon replied, “Let’s get some chow. I’m starving.”

Nic sat down next to Allie, who was already seated at a square shaped wooden dining room table. Her long, wavy brown hair was down, and she was wearing a floral summer dress with sandals. Nic reached out for Allie’s hand and said, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Allie blushed.

Brandon placed a large bowl filled with spaghetti and meat sauce in the middle of the table. Nicole came up behind him holding glasses of champagne. She placed one in front of each person, and then looked over at Nic and asked, “So, what do you think?”

Nic felt Allie’s grip on his hand immediately tighten. She leaned over to Nic and said in a low voice, “You don’t have to decide this very minute if you’re still not sure what you want to do.”

Nic smiled and said, “I think your apartment is very nice and I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t say yes.”

Allie beamed. Nicole let out a cheer, then said, “Just give me a sec. I’ve gotta run back and get the champagne.”

When Nicole returned, she promptly filled every person’s glass to the brim. Brandon stood up and said, “A toast, to roommates old and new.”

Everyone clinked their glasses together. As Nic raised his glass toward his lips, he felt profoundly grateful to be in the company of these down to earth and friendly people. While the others filled their plates, he glanced at Allie and then up at the ceiling. He silently said a prayer of thanks. After more than a year of self-imposed isolation, he finally felt that now was the time to take a chance and let someone special into his life and heart.

[ranwing]

Kadam Fic: Learning To Fly (6/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 6/? Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction. 

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

On AO3

With the end of the semester on the horizon, the students of NYADA began to work themselves into their usual early winter tizzy. There were written tests to sit for and mid-winter critiques and evaluations to endure. Days were spent in brutal practices to make sure that their skills were up to the high standards demanded or studying the finer elements of the lessons that their professors had been trying to impart on them for the better part of a semester.

The invites for the Winter Showcase were distributed and if Kurt held any real disappointment that he did not get an invite this year, it was certainly tempered by the fact of just how busy he was. With all his classes and exams he had to prepare for, plus the rehearsal schedule for Les Miz, he was rather grateful to not have another demand placed on his already strained schedule. Even Rachel had merely shrugged at not getting an invite and put her focus on preparing for her dance critique since that was still her weakest area.

The upper classmen were fortunate in some ways, Kurt considered. Despite the heavy burden of work that they had to shoulder as the semester wound down and the elevated expectations of them, he and his classmates already knew what was expected of them and had already shown that they could rise to the occasion. For the freshmen, however, it was a harsh reminder of just what they had let themselves in for by pursuing an education at this particular conservatory. It wasn’t unusual to see one of the younger students running out of a classroom in tears because they were so completely overwhelmed by what was demanded of them.

Which was the reason that he found himself in the Starbucks near school one afternoon after his last class, plying a freshman with hot chocolate and cookies and trying to help her regain her lost composure. Meredith Calvanico was a rarity in Kurt’s estimation. A voice and theater major like himself who had not been put off by the relatively low reputation of the Apples and found in their group a respite from the intense pressure that everyone at NYADA endured. She was talented, but very level-headed and didn’t use her talents to look down on others. Kurt very much appreciated her down to earth nature.

She’d been nicknamed “Merry” by the older Apples an account of her perpetually cheerful disposition and her deep love of all things Tolkien, but she wasn’t living up to her nickname at the moment. The young woman was rather distraught at how she felt her voice critique had gone and knowing Madam Tibideaux the way he’d come to, he doubted that their professor left any doubt as to her opinion of Merry’s efforts.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she said morosely, clutching her cup in both hands as if to comfort herself. “I’m doing everything that she’s told me to do all semester but it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” Kurt said smoothly, sipping at his coffee. He was quite aware of how melodramatic theater students tended to be and it was easy to blow even the most constructive criticism well out of proportion. He certainly was guilty of that on more than a few occasions. “I know that she can be really harsh, but she’s always looking to help us be better performers.”

Merry looked up at Kurt with tears in her dark eyes. “She told me that I was wasting my time and hers. I don’t think that there’s a whole lot of room for creative interpretation there.”

Kurt was well versed in handling Rachel when she got into moods like this and had a pretty good idea of how to help Merry cut through her own hurt to see what was really going on. “What exactly did she say?” he asked kindly, knowing that the young girl very much needed to recognize what she was really being told behind the harshly worded critique. “What were you singing?”

Merry sighed and took a moment to think back. “I did ‘Always a Bridesmaid’,” she said. “I’d done it before in high school and it was always received well. I tend to better with character roles since I’m not your traditional lead type.”

Kurt frowned slightly at that self-assessment. It was true that Merry wasn’t conventionally beautiful. She was tall and gangly with a long, solemn face and tended to dress in jeans and hooded sweatshirts that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Finn’s wardrobe. She would benefit from a bit of makeup and having her dark blond hair styled in a more flattering manner than the scraggly ponytail she tended to wear it in, but he hadn’t managed to figure out a way to suggest the possibility of a makeover without insulting her. With her height and severe features, she could be a striking presence and she had a gorgeous contralto voice that would lend itself easily to a wide range of roles, both lead and supporting.

“So I did my solo and I thought I did it really well,” Merry insisted. “But Madam Tibideaux ripped into everything. She didn’t like my choice of song or my demeanor or anything. And that if I want to content myself at being nothing more than a second-tier player, there’s no need for me to attend a place like NYADA.”

The young girl looked down in her cup, completely dejected. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be here,” she said despondently. “I was shocked that I even got admitted. I mean, it was crazy that I even applied since It’s not like I ever got leads in high school so maybe they made a mistake.”

Kurt didn’t think so, but he kept that thought to himself for a moment as he considered what Merry had told him. It seemed that Merry’s experiences mirrored his own in some ways; stuck in supporting roles and never given the opportunity to shine on their own before arriving at NYADA. But whereas he had started to discover his real worth as a performer with his trial by fire audition, Merry still apparently saw herself as being only worthy of supporting roles.

Come to think of it, Kurt couldn’t remember her ever trying to take the lead during an Apples number. At first he’d thought it was because she was new and because their rehearsals had been so infrequent the past few weeks. Now he was starting to think there was a more significant reason.

“Merry, I think I get what Madam Tibideaux is driving at,” he proposed. “I know that she can sound really brutal, but you really need to pay attention to what she’s trying to tell you. I don’t think that she wasn’t saying that you don’t deserve to be at NYADA. She was saying just the opposite.”

Merry blinked back her tears. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I thought that she was pretty clear. I totally suck.”

Kurt offered her a reassuring smile. “One thing I learned here is that you need to have a really think skin, and be able to take criticism with a clear mind otherwise you’ll never survive. Are you taking dance with Ms. July?”

Merry’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “She calls me Olive Oyl.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling sympathetically. “That’s not too bad. My nickname isn’t a whole lot better,” he confided. “But what does she say about your actual dancing?”

Merry shrugged offhandedly. “She’s harsh on everyone. I get complaints about my posture and balance mostly, and the fact that I’m so tall that it’s hard to find someone to partner me. Otherwise it’s a lot of nitpicking.”

Kurt nodded approvingly. “That’s good. She’ll always be extra critical about form, but if she’s not going on about you working hard and not picking up things quickly enough then you’re really doing well,” he explained. “Who she goes after the hardest are the people who don’t give her the effort regardless of their talent levels. You can be the best dancer in the world, but if you’re just coasting along she’ll happily gut you and leave you bleeding on the floor.

“Madam Tibideaux is the same in some ways, although she’s a bit more refined in how she does it,” he advised. “When I was struggling to see why I deserved to be at NYADA, she gave me a bit of tough love and explained that she picks students on the basis of the potential for growth she sees in them. Not necessarily because they were big stars in their old schools. It didn’t matter what I was before. All that mattered was that I was fulfilling her expectations and becoming what she thought I could be.”

Merry blinked in surprise at his confession. “I can’t imagine you not being a big star before NYADA,” she said softly. “When I saw you at the showcase when we were auditioning… you were amazing.”

Kurt smiled at her gently. “I was the strange gay kid with a high-pitched voice and no real formal training,” he explained. “My old show choir leader didn’t seem to know what to do with me most of the time and apparently couldn’t imagine me as a soloist. He worked out that I sounded great when I was singing with the girls, or when he wanted a brighter tone with the boys. But every time we had a show or a competition, I was in the background. That doesn’t do much for your confidence, especially when my first attempt to get into NYADA was rejected.”

Merry was silent for a few moments as she absorbed what she was being told. “I wouldn’t have thought that,” she insisted. “You’ve always struck me as being so self-assured.”

Kurt nodded. “I’m learning to be,” he corrected. Those lessons had not come easy and he wasn’t ashamed to admit, at least to himself, that he still struggled at times.

“I’m not going to lie… it’s not easy,” he admitted. “I’ve always felt like I had to fight to get any kind of positive attention and it never amounted to anything. But I had to decide that I deserved to be in the spotlight and demand it for myself. I deserve to be here and one day, I will get the kind of roles that I’ve always dreamed of.”

Merry looked uncertain, apparently understanding what he was trying to tell her but not really accepting it. Kurt knew that he would have to turn the discussion around so that she could see what he was trying to explain from her perspective.

“Tell me… if you could be cast in any role you wanted, what would it be?” he asked, giving her a reassuring smile. “Your dream role… the kind that you have to pinch yourself if you ever got it.”

Merry’s cheeks heated, as if embarrassed with herself that she had even dared to imagine this for herself. “Evita,” she murmured, looking down at her cup to avoid his stare.

He felt a smile cross his face at her confession. “Honey, that would be such a great part of you,” Kurt insisted gently. “You would be amazing in that role.”

“Are you kidding me?” Merry demanded almost angrily, as if she thought he was mocking her. “Evita is strong and glamorous and look at me! I’m ugly and….”

“You are not ugly, Merry,” Kurt said firmly. He realized that he was dealing with some pretty serious self-esteem issues and that he needed to shift tactics if he wanted Merry to change how she as seeing things. Take the focus from what she saw as her shortcomings and move them to her strengths.

“Think about who Evita was. She came from absolutely nothing. She was nobody, but became the most powerful and admired woman in Argentina strictly by strength of will,” he reminded her.

Her eyes widened in surprise as his words began to sink in. Kurt saw the shift when what he was trying to get her to see was becoming clearer and he smiled, knowing that he got her.

“Evita never let anyone or anything stand in her way,” he said, reminding her of her favorite character’s story. “All the people who looked down on her and treated her like dirt… she made herself into what she wanted to be. She made herself an actress, then the first lady, and then an icon. All the people who mocked her? They were kissing her feet by the time she was done. Not because she was the most beautiful or the most talented, but because she was smart and driven and would not let anyone or anything stop her from getting what she wanted.

“There’s a big difference between being confident and being a prima donna,” he stated. “We have to be team players and play supporting parts at times. I mean, we both know that expecting to play every lead isn’t reasonable. But there is a big difference between taking a supporting role because we know that’s the best way we can help a production and not going after a lead because we don’t think that we’re good enough. Because if we don’t believe in ourselves, no one else is going to.”

Merry looked at him carefully, mentally weighting out his words. “You really think so?” she asked.

“I know so,” he insisted. “Madam Tibideaux knows that you have it in you to be that kind of performer, which is why she’s being so hard on you. She wants you to fulfill the potential that she saw in you.”

Merry considered what he had told her, pursing her lips thoughtfully. “How do you think I can do that?”

Kurt reached out to squeeze her hand assumingly. “I think that for your next critique, you should walk in there and sing ‘Buenos Aires’ and ‘Rainbow High’. Find Evita’s strength and drive and make it your own. And start showing Madam Tibideaux that she wasn’t wrong about you.”

The young woman inhaled deeply before nodding, a slight smile starting to ease the harsh lines of her features. She really would grow into a remarkably handsome woman once she fully matured, Kurt considered. She just needed a little help to smooth the way.

“I’ll think about it,” she promised. Her brown eyes sparked with a hint of mischief as she looked at the young man who was very much her mentor in these things.

“That’s all I can ask, though I’m going to be very disappointed if you chicken out,” Kurt chuckled as he finished his coffee. His phone chimed for his attention with the tune that indicated a text message from Adam.

“Excuse me,” he requested politely as he keyed in his access code. Seeing the message brought a fond smile to his face and he quickly typed an answer before turning his attention back to Merry, who was giving him a teasing smile.

“Adam?” she guessed, giggling at the flush that colored his cheeks becomingly. At his nod, she took a last bite of cookie and got up from her seat. “I’ll take that as my cue to leave since you obviously have something else to take care of. But thanks… I really will think about what you said.”

“If you need to talk, you have my number,” he reminded Merry. “Don’t be afraid to use it.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “And I’d better head out to do some practice for my dance practical. Since apparently I’m on Ms. July’s good side and I don’t want to waste that.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “That’s a very wise thing,” he agreed, thinking back to his own critique that morning. Having Ms. July’s favor was definitely something he wanted to hang on to.

* *  *

Adam looked at the laughing men around him, smiling fondly at Ifan’s ribald joke and the way Logan blushed furiously at the teasing regarding the questionable charms, not to mention virtue, of his sweetheart back home. The jokes had taken on a rather morbid tone as the wait for the final orders was coming to an end. The odds were that Logan would never see his girl again, and none of them would see their families. But they had their duty to fulfill.

They heard the whistles and orders for men to line up on the recording of the background noises playing and Adam sighed, knowing that he needed to be strong for them. Swallowing down his own fear, h got to his feet.

“All right lads, let’s get ready,” he ordered gently. The group feel silent as the moment that they’d dreaded had finally arrived. They hurried to put aside their cups and plates and gathered up their rifles, falling into formation.

“Fix bayonets,” he commanded, his voice becoming firmer as he took on his responsibility as their officer.

Adam walked by, making a quick inspection to make sure that they were ready for what faced them. He checked Conrad’s rifle, giving him and exasperated glare at seeing that his bayonet was fastened upside down.

“Billington, at the rate you’re going, I’m afraid that the only German you’re likely to kill is one that died of typus three weeks ago,” he said archly, fixing the weapon and handing it back to the young man. Given that he had been giving the young man sardonic comments like this throughout the play, it was likely to get a laugh from the audience.

But Adam tempered the moment by giving the youngest of them a reassuring clap on the shoulder to remind him that he was among friends. It was a reminder of what they all would be facing very shortly. Ifan gave him a terse smile and Logan just nodded as Adam took his place at the head of the line. As their leader, he would be the first to face the line of fire.

“It’s been good to serve with you, sir,” Logan said softly, not bothering to look at his friend least he lose what composure he was managing to hang on to. The men needed them to be strong. “Good luck up there.”

Adam reached over to grasp his arm, taking comfort that the man he’d come to trust beyond all others would be at his side. “I’ll see you up top, lad,” he promised solemnly as they waited for the final order.

Drawing his sidearm, he tucked his baton under his arm and placed the whistle placed it to his lips and he waited for the final signal. At hearing the shouts and whistles being blown, he blew it loud and piercingly. The men behind him roared as they surged forward, weapons at the ready. They froze in place at the cue where the stage lights would go dark, holding their pose until their director clapped his hands and called a halt.

Mr. Keen looked them over before giving a nod of satisfaction. “All right, everyone. I think that’s enough for today,” he granted. He looked over the group and nodded approvingly. “That was excellent and I think that it’s really coming together now. Really… good work everyone!

“Now tomorrow I want everyone to put their books away. No more falling back on them for reference.”

Adam nodded in agreement, not worried about the increase in pressure that going off book would mean for the cast. They’d been working very cleanly the past few days and very rarely needed to refer to their scripts, but it was a signal that they were edging closer to their premiere date and the demands on the cast would only increase exponentially as they moved forward. By this stage of the process he was very comfortable with his part and the cast was really starting to come together as a cohesive unit. It was time to start fine tuning the staging and character interpretations. Mr. Keen was giving them a good amount of room for them to develop their characters and Adam had some very clear ideas that he wanted to try out for Lieutenant William Strictland.

“Hey Adam… some of the guys were talking about grabbing a pint or two once we get out of here,” Logan confided as they prepared to close rehearsal for the day.

Adam couldn’t help from smiling at his fellow Brit, enjoying the sound of the familiar accent though the actor playing his Sergent was a Liverpool native in contrast to his more London-tinged cadence. “That sounds like a great idea,” he said agreeably. “Let me just check Kurt’s schedule to see what time he’s getting out.”

He checked his calendar where he’d carefully charted out Kurt’s classes and rehearsals to maximize the amount of time that they were able to spend together. The younger man was busy right now with winter critiques on top of his rehearsals and Adam didn’t want to miss out on a moment that he was able to spend with his boyfriend. He was rather pleased when he noted that this would not be one of Kurt’s late nights, but Kurt had his winter dance critique that morning so he might need a bit of comforting.

“Sorry, but Kurt’s free this evening,” he advised with sincere regret. While he enjoyed spending time with his castmates, there was nothing to keep him from Kurt.

“Oh, come on Adam,” Ifan, the sole Welshman in the cast complained. “You skipped out on the last two times.”

“I’m sorry, but I really should head home,” Adam insisted, wanting to hold firm. He enjoyed socializing with the other men in the cast, but his time with Kurt was so limited before they left to start the tour. He didn’t want to miss a single hour of time he could spend with him.

Several of the others made groaning noises and Adam knew that it was noticed that he wasn’t spending enough time outside of work with his castmates. He knew very well that the bonding time they spend outside of the rehearsal room was important given that they would be living in one another’s back pockets for the next few months, but he couldn’t just ditch Kurt on one of the evenings that they had together.

“Why don’t you have Kurt meet us there?” Logan suggested. “We’re not going to make it a late night.”

“That’s a good idea,” Ifan agreed. “Go on… let him know to meet us at St. Andrews.”

“Don’t be a baby,” Nialls, the other English ex-pat in the cast insisted. “My wife’s going to meet us there too. It’s about time you stopped hiding him from us.”

Morgan Fanelli, the oldest member of the cast chimed in, “We promise that we’ll be on our best behavior and won’t scare him off.”

Laughing and knowing that he was beaten, Adam got out his phone and texted Kurt.

Am being kidnapped. Want to meet at St Andrews for a pint and ransom me?

As they were getting their coats on, his phone pinged and he checked for Kurt’s answer.

Sounds like fun. You’re buying.

Relieved that his lover wasn’t put out that their plans for a quiet evening was now going to be drinks and possibly dinner at the pub, treating Kurt was the very least that he could do. His boyfriend had been working so hard lately that Adam felt a bit badly at having so much more free time. While it was nice to be flexible enough to take advantage of Kurt’s rare free time, it was showing rather starkly the shift in going from being a student to a working actor in a show.

“He’ll meet us there,” Adam informed the others, who gave a bit of a cheer that their castmate would not be ditching them yet again. “And I’m sorry… I didn’t realize that I missed so many times.”

“It’s okay,” Nialls insisted, patting Adam on the shoulder. “Cynthia’s been a marvelously good sport, but if I leave her home too often, I might not have a wife to come back to when we’re done.”

“That’s why I’m staying single,” Conrad, the youngest in the cast claimed. “No worries about leaving someone at home and I can take advantage of all the hot girls on the road.”

Logan burst out laughing at the kid’s assumption about what life in the tour might entail. “Oh, like you’re going to have a lot of time or energy to get laid that often,” he claimed. “You can tell this is going to be your first time in a touring show.”

Adam couldn’t help laughing, because it was true. Most of the time, actors in touring productions had to amuse themselves and dating between cast members wasn’t at all unusual simply because they didn’t have the time to explore other options. So long as they remained friendly even when the relationship ended, it was a lot more convenient than trying to hook up in whatever town or city they were visiting. But a straight boy like Conrad in a cast of only male players would find his options very limited.

Conrad was Kurt’s age, but he couldn’t help from feeling that Kurt was miles ahead of him as far as maturity went. He was nice enough, Adam supposed though there was no telling how Conrad would handle the realities of life on the road. Having someone to miss and come home to made the hardships worthwhile, in his estimation. He wanted to have someone to look forward to when this job was done.

They arrived at the pub, which had become their regular hang out joint since rehearsals started. Adam ordered a pint for himself and kept an eye on the door for Kurt. The conversation was easy going as they chatted about how rehearsals were progressing and their preparations for the tour. Adam was already acquainted with Niall’s wife as she had joined them on several occasions before.

He was looking forward to Kurt meeting the rest of the cast and having a chance to showing off his boyfriend a bit. The others would probably give Kurt a bit of light teasing, but he wasn’t at all worried about Kurt not being able to hold his own with the group. Kurt had always been able to give as good as he got and the men that he worked with were a good-natured lot. They wouldn’t take things too far.

Kurt arrived about a half hour after they did, looking tired but still beautiful to Adam. He swept Kurt up into his arms and gave him a warm hug. “How did it go, love?” he asked.

“Brutal,” Kurt admitted. “I need a drink desperately. What are you having?”

“Cider. It’s quite good.”

“That sounds perfect. Can you get me a glass?”

“Right away, love.”

Once Kurt had a pint in his hand and had a chance to refresh himself a bit, Adam introduced him to the other members of his cast and felt a touch of pride at the admiring glances Kurt was getting from a few of the others. Adam knew that he wasn’t the only gay or bi man in their group and he couldn’t help from preening inwardly when he saw the nods of approval and admiration that he had managed to catch someone so spectacular.

Niall’s wife quickly took possession of Kurt’s arm and drew him aside. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said sincerely. “I’m glad that I’m not the only plus one anymore.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. Adam’s told me a lot about the cast and I was surprised that one of them was actually married,” he chuckled, taking the barstool next to her. She was a pretty woman a few years his senior, and her auburn hair cut in a very smart pixie style that made her blue eyes look absolutely huge in her delicate heart-shaped face.

“And technically I suppose you can consider us newlyweds,” she chuckled, sipping at her ale.  “We’ll actually be celebrating our first anniversary while they’re in Chicago.”

Kurt couldn’t help from wincing a bit. “Ouch,” he said sympathetically.

Cynthia just shrugged. “I knew what I was letting myself in for when we got together,” she admitted. “You don’t get involved with an actor if you prize stability.”

Kurt couldn’t argue with that assessment. He was very well aware of what his profession entailed.

Cynthia looked over to where her husband was laughing with his castmates and smiled fondly. “Neither of us expected him to have to travel so soon after our wedding, but that’s how things played out,” she said with soft resignation.

Kurt’s eyes softened in understanding. “We’re in the same boat,” he confided. “We just moved in together a few months ago.”

“Then I’m very glad to meet you,” Cynthia said sincerely. “I’m going to need someone to help keep my sanity while they’re away. And someone who understands what I’m going through.”

“Me too,” Kurt admitted. He put on a cheerful face in front of his friends but having someone who really would understand being separated from the one he loved. As much as he knew that he could depend on them, this wasn’t something that they really could understand. Finn freed Rachel before she came to New York, so they technically weren’t a couple when they broke up for good, and Santana had already broken up with Brittany when she left for college. Neither of them knew what it was like to try to maintain a relationship over distance the way he’d had.

He was fortunate, he realized. He had so many friends now, more than he could ever remember having. Old friends and new would give him the support that he needed. But catching a loving glance from bright blue eyes as Adam turned his gaze to him while laughing at a joke made by one of his castmates just reminded Kurt that the one that he wanted most would be leaving him before too long.

But not permanently, he told himself with a smile as he sipped his cider. Not forever.

He could have forever to look forward to when Adam got home.

* * *

Adam sighed as he looked about the flat. The usual clutter that was the natural result two grown men trying to live in a space that was genuinely too small for them and all of their possessions was markedly reduced over the past few weeks as he and Kurt began the process of packing up the studio. A process that had started slowly was now picking up speed with only a few short weeks before Adam was to leave for the start of his show and Kurt moving into the NYADA dorms.

Even with Christmas fast approaching, they’d done almost no decorating. Last year Adam had squeeze in a tree that was far too large for his tiny flat, and had strung up lights and decorations on every surface that he could manage. This year, the decorations were minimal, and nearly an afterthought. The tree they’d purchased was barely a meter tall, bedecked simply with a few cherished ornaments and strings of popcorn and cranberries. It was a trifle depressing.

Adam had packed away much of his clothing into their storage unit since he wouldn’t need most of it until he returned to New York. If he needed anything, he could always buy it on the road. The bookcase was empty now save for Kurt’s text books and the bust of Shakespeare that Kurt had claimed for himself.

I’ll need something to decorate my room with.

Over the past few days, Kurt had been laying claim to several select things for his dorm room to make it a bit homier. To fill it with reminders of the time they’d shared in this little flat and the time they would be enjoying in the future. He wanted the oversized fleece blanket that they liked to snuggle in while watching television together. The battered throw pillows that had been the victims of several playful pillow fights between them. The poster from the Globe Theater that had decorated Adam’s childhood bedroom.

Kurt was sporting on of his beanies at the moment, a red cap with a white band around its hem. He looked absolutely adorable as he sorted through the box of Adam’s hats, picking out a few that he wanted to keep with him.

“I want this one too,” he claimed, pulling out a cap in navy blue wool. He fingered the fabric gently, a soft smile on his face.

“You were wearing this one the day I met you,” he said with fond remembrance. “I thought that you were so handsome and I couldn’t quite figure how why this gorgeous man was trying chat me up.”

Adam smiled and sat down on the couch next to him, gently grasping the hand that clutched that silly cap. “I actually wasn’t wearing this the first time I saw you,” he corrected with a teasing glint in his eyes. “I wasn’t wearing a hat because I was dressed in my best suit and sitting in the audience at Winter Showcase, watching the most beautiful man I’d ever seen a singing his heart out. And I spent weeks afterward trying to figure out how to meet you.”

Kurt smiled, nestling so closely that they could have been wearing the same shirt. “It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” he asked. “I got NYADA and I got you.”

“I’m the fortunate one,” Adam insisted, his hand reaching up to cup the back of Kurt’s head and draw their mouths together for a lingering kiss. “I’m so glad that I worked up the courage to talk to you.”

Kurt grinned, settling happily in Adam’s arms. “I like to think we would have found each other somehow. I would have been rushing to class one day and not looking where I was going…”

“And I would have my nose in a book, oblivious to the world,” Adam added, rubbing his cheek against Kurt’s hair.

“We would have bumped into each other and I would have been stammering and embarrassed as hell,” Kurt insisted, savoring the feel of the muscular arms holding him close.

“I would have been absolutely entranced, wondering how I could not have known such a gorgeous man was attending the same school I was,” Adam swore. “And I would have asked you out right then and there and not taken no for an answer.”

Kurt craned his head about to look at Adam. “Why didn’t you just ask me out?” he asked curiously. “Why go through the whole song and dance with the Apples?”

Adam’s cheeks began to flush with color, his mouth drawing up into a rueful smile. “Well, the group did need someone with your talents, but would you believe that I was nervous about approaching you?” he admitted. “You were the toast of the Showcase and probably had people throwing themselves at you all the time.”

“Not so much,” Kurt corrected gently.

“Well, you should have,” Adam claimed. “You were beautiful and talented and I was…”

“Totally amazing and you got me to follow you,” Kurt insisted. “You made me listen to that insane performance that made me laugh more than I’d laughed in months. You have no idea how much I needed that.”

“I’m glad we were able to make you smile,” Adam said happily. “You deserve to smile all the time.”

Kurt shifted so that he was straddling Adam, able to face him directly and wrapped his arms about the older man. “You have no idea how much the past year has meant for me,” he insisted, looking into Adam’s eyes. “Being with you taught me so much. I’m always so careful and deliberate and you taught me the reward in taking chances. I’m so glad that I took a chance on you… on us.”

Adam felt the lump in his throat swell a bit at the emotion and love in Kurt’s eyes. He gently pulled the cap off Kurt’s head so he could run his fingers through the younger man’s hair. “You’ve surprised me in so many ways… and made my life so full,” he claimed without reservation. “I never knew what I was missing before I saw you that night, and I don’t know how I’ll manage without you.”

Kurt leaned in to kiss him gently, taking his time to savor the taste and feel of the man beneath him. “We’ll figure it out because the reward will be getting to be together when you get back,” he said softly. “There’s no plan B for me.”

Adam smiled, his hand gently squeezing the back of Kurts neck. “For me either, love,” he promised.

Kurt spent several long seconds staring at Adam, as if committing his features to memory so that he could hold onto them and find comfort in the months that they would be apart. The soft, sad smile on his face caused Adam’s heart to tighten in his chest, but Kurt soothed his concerns with another languid kiss.

Adam would have been content to sit there forever, holding Kurt in his arms when he heard the quiet murmur of Kurt singing very softly. Nearly humming the tune to himself, Kurt had a nearly dreamy expression on his face as he gazed at Adam.

“What are you singing there, love?” Adam asked, running his hand through Kurt’s hair.

Kurt smile, leaning in to nuzzle Adam’s throat. “Just something that came into my head,” he explained. “It just… it fit.”

Adam looked at him lovingly, not at all surprised that Kurt found a song to suit what he could not voice himself. “Sing it to me,” he requested gently. He never tired of hearing Kurt’s glorious voice.

Kurt nodded, leaning in close so that Adam could hear him, looking as vulnerable and emotionally bare as he’s ever been in his life. Adam knew that Kurt sometimes needed the cushion of a song that would allow him to express what he could never find the words to say himself.

“Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?” Kurt breathed, singing so softly that Adam had to be as close as he could manage to hear him. “Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted? Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?”

He looked directly at Adam, his eyes wide and soulful and striking Adam to his core. “Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, ‘I just don’t care’?”

Adam smiled softly and rubbed his cheek against Kurt’s, savoring how the younger man’s body fit so neatly against his own. They were so well matched to one another, like two pieces of a puzzle that just clicked. Sliding neatly like a perfectly tuned lock when the right key was inserted.

“It’s only half past the point of no return,” Kurt sang gently, taking Adam’s hand and pulling it up to his mouth so that he could press a kiss to his knuckles. “The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn. The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase… have you ever felt this way?”

Adam knew that Kurt had every reason to be fearful over what the future held for them. He’d been hurt so many times by those who’d professed to love him that it would be entirely understandable for Kurt to be mistrusting. How many times had he allowed himself to be vulnerable only to have that trust misplaced?

“Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?” Kurt asked, gazing up at Adam with all of his hopes and fears in his eyes. “Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone.”

Once again, Adam found himself tempted to hop onto a plane and find wherever Blaine had settled and pummel him for having caused Kurt so much pain. To be so selfish and self-absorbed that he would deliberately seek to hurt the man he promised to care for and let him think that he wasn’t deserving of being loved. That if he wanted anything for himself that he shouldn’t expect to be cared for and supported.

Kurt stroked Adam’s cheek, turning his face so that he could feel Kurt’s breath on him. “Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?” he all but whispered. “Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

“It’s only half past the point of oblivion. The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run,” Kurt sang, and Adam understood of just how hard it had been for Kurt to take those first steps when they got together. To accept that another man was genuinely interested in him and was attracted to him. To truly accept that Adam was in love with him. To finally feel secure enough to admit that he could love and have that love returned. His beautiful, brave darling…

Kurt’s lips brushed against Adam’s. “The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames. Have you ever felt this way?”

Adam had never felt this way before. He’d felt love, been in love but never this consuming need that caused his breath to catch in his throat. He’d never known that he could feel this way about someone, but with Kurt it was so easy.

Kurt’s eyes were shimmering with unshed tears as he gazed at Adam, a soft, sad smile on his face. “Have you ever wished for an endless night?” he questioned, subtly tightening his grip on Adam, least the older man slip away from him. Neither of them wanted this moment to end. “Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?”

Adam’s hands reached up to cradle Kurt’s face, drawing him close so that their foreheads touched. His fingers caressed Kurt’s cheek, trailing down the smooth line of his throat.

“Have you ever held your breath? And asked yourself if it ever gets better than tonight?”

Adam looked at Kurt, holding the younger man as if he were something precious and sacred. “It will be better, sweetheart,” he promised. “I…”

His voice trailed off, not able to find the words to express what Kurt deserved to hear. But Kurt just smiled.

“I know,” he insisted softly, kissing Adam deeply. “I know.”

So much of the future was uncertain, Adam knew. But the one thing that he was sure of was that whatever was waiting for him to face, he wanted it to be with Kurt at his side. Call him a foolish romantic, but he would do everything in his power to ensure that would happen.

“Let me take you to bed,” Adam requested softly. “Let me make love to you.” He needed to show Kurt just how important he was now that they had so little time.

Kurt smiled and carefully slid from Adam’s lap, holding out his hand so the older man could guide him to their bed. With reverent hands, Adam slowly undressed Kurt, each layer of clothing slipping to the floor until Kurt stood entirely bare before him. Slipping off his own clothing, Adam eased Kurt back onto their bed, kissing him deeply. With gentle fingers he carefully eased into Kurt’s body, savoring the gasps and shudders of the man beneath him.

When he finally slipped into Kurt’s body, Kurt’s arms and legs tightened about him to hold him close. They made love slowly, with slow rolls of his hips and gentle touches. Kurt breathed into Adam’s mouth, his breath hitching when Adam pressed deep within him. When they came, it was with a groan and a sigh of contentment.

Neither of them looked at the clock by the bedside, not wanting to see the precious seconds slipping by. They just held one another, trying to make this moment last as long as possible. Maybe if they ignored the clock long enough, time might simply stop.

* * *

“Come on!” Mei called out, leading the way. Dressed in a bright red wool coat and a Santa hat on her head, she was easy to see and made the logical choice as the Apple’s point person, least they get separated by the throngs of tourists crowding Rockefeller Center.

The annual trip to see the Christmas Tree on the last night of finals was an Apple tradition dating back to when Adam had first founded the group and no Apple, old or new, would think about missing it. It was one of the rare opportunities that poor theater students had to enjoy something in the city that didn’t cost anything. They might not have the luxury of being able to enjoy many of the theater and holiday festivals that the city had to offer, but this was something that they could take advantage of.

Now that they were done with finals and their winter critiques, it was the last gathering of the Apples before the dispersed for the long winter break. And for everyone but Kurt, it was their last opportunity for them to see Adam before he left for his tour, giving the gettogether a somewhat bittersweet feel. They wanted to celebrate their friendships that they had built and being able to celebrate the successes of those who were moving on in their adult lives.

The evening started with dinner at an inexpensive Vietnamese restaurant near the school, where bowls of steaming pho prepared them to face the chilly night. Then they started their procession to appraise the holiday department store windows and holiday lights, passionately debating the merit of their favorites as if life depended upon it in between singing rounds of Christmas songs to an appreciative albeit fleeting audience. By the time they finally arrived at Rockefeller Center, their feet were sore and they were feeling the effects of the cold but none of them were in a rush for the evening to end.

Kurt grinned and tugged on Adam’s hand, dragging him along in his wake as he nimbly dodged a family of tourists who were too busy looking up to get out of their way. “Having fun?” he asked, his eyes sparkling impishly as he pulled Adam along. He was impeccably turned out in his stylish pea coat, but added a touch of whimsy by wearing a pair of reindeer antlers on his head.

“Of course, darling,” Adam laughed, letting Kurt drag him about and making sure that his Santa hat didn’t fall off. He was more than happy to tag along while the youngsters enjoyed the holiday festivities. They’d all been working so hard at school and now could finally let loose just a bit.

They found a precious open space where they had a clear view of the immense Norwegian Fir bedecked with thousands of colored lights and crowned with a crystal star. Kurt felt himself grinning and letting Adam pull him into a tight hug from behind, sharing body warmth. About them, delicate snowflakes began to fall, dusting their hair. It was an almost picture-perfect evening.

Jill looked over to the two of them and couldn’t help from grinning. “Do you think you guys can keep your hands off one another? Just for a little bit?” she asked teasingly.

Kurt laughed, kissing Adam quickly. “We have a little surprise for you,” he advised his boyfriend with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh dear… am I in trouble?” Adam asked as Kurt nudged him towards a bench where he dusted off the snow so Adam could sit.

“Not at all,” Corrine assured him, looking absolutely winsome in her patchwork coat and her red curls peeking out from beneath her knit cap. She took Kurt’s arm and pulled him over to where the others were standing so that Adam could see the tree behind them.

Jules cleared his throat to and gave their founder a fond smile. “Adam, the Apples wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you. You gave us a space where we could experiment and grow both as singers and in our chosen fields. We became stronger and more confident because of the friendships that we made here.”

Mei nodded in agreement. “You’re about to set out on the most amazing adventure,” she stated. “But we wanted to make sure that we sent you off properly. And that you know that you will always a part of the Apples, no matter where your career takes you.”

Mitchel grinned widely. “We love you, man,” he insisted, following by a chorus of affirmations from the rest of the group.

The men fell into formation behind the woman of the group, humming to provide the opening for the girls to begin to sing.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas,” they crooned gently, their voices smooth and flowing. “There is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own. More than you will ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you!”

Kurt took a place at the front, alongside Mei ane Corrine, taking over the lead. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas,” he sang brightly, using his higher register to provide a bright counterpoint to the other men. “There is just one thing I need. And I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.”

Mei and Corrine danced about him, their voices rising to harmonize with him. “I don’t need to hang my stocking, there upon the fireplace,” the trio sang. “Santa Claus won’t make me happy with a toy on Christmas day.”

The group then joined in, following the simple choreography that had obviously been worked out in advance and left Adam to watch, smiling like a fool. “I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know,” they caroled, the singers with lower ranges supporting the ones with higher voices. “Make my wish come true! All I want for Christmas is you!”

Adam couldn’t help from noticing that the group was gaining an audience, with tourists and sightseers gathering around to watch the free show. He clapped his hands happily, watching as his Apples spun about in the lightly falling snow.

He couldn’t help from wondering how long they’d been working on this because it clearly was too well organized and thought out, what with the deliberate choreography and the way their voices harmonized. It was entertaining and glorious and Adam laughed with delight at watching his friends perform for him.

Kurt pivoted to take the lead again, his eyes shining with love as all of the girls joined in to support him while the boys provided the lower counterpoints. “Oh, all the lights are shining, so brightly everywhere,” Kurt sang, leading off the girls who provided the bright harmonies. “And the sound of children’s laughter fills the air. And everyone is singing, I hear those sleigh bells ringing.

“Santa, won’t you bring me the one I really need?” Kurt asked, giving Mei and then Corrine a spin. “Won’t you bring my baby to me?”

The entire group then fell into full voice, focusing on Adam. “Oh, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, that’s all I’m asking for,” they sang, coming to dance around the bench where Adam was sitting. Mitchel’s curls were flying wildly and Jules looked absolute absurd raising both hands in metal devil’s horns while wearing what had to be one of the ugliest Christmas jumpers Adam had ever seen. Mei was swinging her skirts around her legs while Jill, Corrine and Tommy spun about like children in the show. The younger singers seemed to be doing something that looked like a cross between a Bunny Hop and the Macarana and it was insane and wonderful. At the center was Kurt, leading the group and providing an eye of calm for their chaotic storm.

“Oh, I don’t want a lot of Christmas. This is all I’m asking for,” Kurt sang, allowing the rest of the group to provide the harmonies and counterpoints. “I just want to see my baby standing right outside my door.”

The Apples gathered about Kurt, their voices falling into line. They reined in the joyous chaos and brought the focus to the man that they were singing to. “Oh, I just want you for my own, more than you will ever know! Make my wish come true…. Baby, all I want for Christmas is….

“You!” they proclaimed loudly, dancing about Adam’s bench. Kurt jumped into Adam’s lap and kissed him soundly while the group finished with a flourish of jazz hands.

The crowd that had gathered to watch the performance cheered loudly and applauded and the Apples accepted their regards with bashful aplomb. When Kurt rose from Adam’s lap and pulled him to his feet, the crowd cheered louder, clapping and whistling. A few of the Apples bowed while the others ducked away, giggling.

“Come on, you lot,” Adam commanded happily, taking on the role of the Apple’s leader for one last time. “Let’s give them something to remember us by. Something suitably Appleish.”

The group cheers and quickly huddled to pick their song, the choice bringing laughs as they fell into position and stuck exaggerated poses that earned amused chuckles from their audience who waited to see what they would do next. Adam stepped to the front with a rakish grin and placed his hands on his hips.

“Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?” he asked the appreciative crowd. “It’s that time that every Santa has a ball!”

“Does he ride a red nosed reindeer?” Jules joined in, giving Kurt a playful and rather meaningful nudge. “Does he turn up on his sleigh? Do all the fairies keep him sober for a day?”

“So here it is, Merry Christmas!” the whole group sang. “Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Corrine gave a twirl to the front and sang out, “Are you waiting for the family to arrive? Are you sure you got the room to spare inside?”

Kurt stepped forward, smiling impishly and looking like the elf who’d get sent to detention. “Does your granny always tell ya that the old songs are the best? Then she’s up and rock n’ rollin’ with the rest?”

Mei all but jumped into Kurt’s arms as the entire group began to dance about, leaping on and off benches to the delight of the crowd watching them. “So here it is, Merry Christmas! Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Adam pulled Kurt away from the girls and wrapped his arm about the younger man’s shoulder to hold him close. “Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?” they sang together, trying hard not to laugh in delight. “Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall?”

Mitchel, Jules and Tommy leaned in to join them. “Do you ride on down the hillside in a buggy you have made?” they caroled together. “When you land upon your head then you’ve been Slade.”

The entire group fell in around them, their faces bright with cheer as the audience clapped with them. “So here it is, Merry Christmas!” they all but yelled, delighted when some of the audience began to join in. “Everybody’s having fun! Look to the future now. It’s only just begun!”

Kurt turned in Adam’s arms, looking into his eyes as the rest of their group caroused about them. “Look to the future now… it’s only just begun,” he sang softly, the meaning clear in his eyes. His cheeks were rosy from the cold and if Adam weren’t already stupid in love with him already, he would have fallen for him right there.

He nodded, blinking away the tears that suddenly tried to make an appearance. “It’s only just begun,” he promised, touching his forehead to Kurt’s and barely hearing the cheers and applause around them.

They were so lost in one another that they didn’t notice that their audience was drifting away to enjoy the other sights of Rockefeller Center. Mei finally gave them both a pat on the shoulder to get their attention.

“Come on,” she urged, giving them a playful smile. “I’m freezing and would love some hot chocolate.”

Adam took Kurt’s hand in his and felt the younger man’s chilled fingers. “I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, sweetheart, he said to Mei. “Why don’t you round up the others? Kurt and I are…”

“We’re just going to enjoy the tree for a bit more,” Kurt inserted, giving Adam a meaningful smile.

“Take all the time you need,” Tommy urged them, putting his arms about Corrine and Jill and drawing them away to give them a bit of space. The various Apples stepped back to watch the skaters on the ice rink and let their former leader and friend have their privacy.

Adam smiled and pulled Kurt under his arms and savored his presence. Together they walked the perimeter of the plaza, talking quietly and laughing at the small jokes that they made to each other. They arrived at the base of the Christmas tree, looking up at the bright lights and savoring another special moment that they would be mentally cataloging away to get them through the coming weeks.

Kurt looked up at Adam, enjoying the way the colored lights seemed to set Adam’s blond curls aglow. “We shouldn’t abandon the others for too long,” he said with playful reluctance. “And I could use something warm to drink.”

Adam bent to give him a quick kiss. “Let’s get back,” he suggested. In truth, all he wanted to do was run of with Kurt and find some private place to be together. But their friends didn’t deserve to have him sneaking off on them. And they deserved to have a little bit of time with him before he left. “We can go to that market that we saw earlier.”

“That sounds like a great idea, Kurt said agreeably. He let Adam lead him to where the other Apples were holding court and gathered up the group.

“Come on, you reprobates,” Adam commanded cheerfully, keeping Kurt under his arm comfortably. “Let’s go get something to warm us up.”

The group cheered happily and fell into step behind them, chattering cheerfully as they followed Kurt and Adam down the street. Their evening might be drawing to a close but no one was in any great rush to head home. In the coming days, most of them would be leaving for home to spend time with their families before having to face the spring semester. For now, they could laugh and play and cherish the time spent with friends. Tomorrow would take care of itself.

* * *

“I don’t know, Rachel. Let me talk to Adam about it,” Kurt all but pleaded, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Even over the phone, Rachel’s persistence was getting on his nerves. “We were planning on a quiet night together.”

“I know you were, but we really want to see him before he leaves,” Rachel insisted. “It doesn’t have to be for the whole night… we’ve already got a table reserved at Callbacks and everyone is bailing on us.”

Kurt sighed, wishing that he had the resolve to stand his ground, but he was tired from packing and feeling emotionally drained as the final countdown to Adam’s departure had official begun. Most of Kurt’s possession had already been moved into his dorm room and their apartment was looking very bare and sterile. He was doing his best to keep a cheerful demeanor around Adam and he just wasn’t up to handling Rachel’s demands at the moment.

He knew that she wasn’t going out of her way to be difficult. Most of their classmates, including Artie and Tina, had already left New York to take advantage of the school winter breaks to visit with their families. Kurt had been looking forward to having some peace before Adam left. He felt badly for being annoyed that Rachel and Santana had elected to stay in the city and had been keeping his distance the past few days so he could devote his focus on Adam and what time they had left to spend together.

“Elliot has a gig with his cabaret so he won’t be joining s, and Dani wants to go see him perform. She won’t be coming by until later,” Rachel explained patiently. “We already paid for the tickets so there’s no problem there. Come on… it’ll be a nice night out.”

“It’s an open bar,” Santana added, chiming into the call. “And dinner.”

“Please, Kurt,” Rachel beseeched.

Kurt looked over to Adam, who was folding laundry on the couch and gave his boyfriend a curious glance.

“Rachel reserved a table at Callbacks for tomorrow night,” he explained softly. “They’d like us to join the for a little while.”

Adam frowned a bit in obvious disappointment, having looked forward to a quiet night with just the two of them seeing the new year in. “I suppose it can’t hurt,” he said with a trace of reluctance. “A few hours won’t be so bad, I guess.”

Kurt smiled thankfully, grateful that his boyfriend was so willing to be flexible and allowing him to avoid offending his friends. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promised, picking up his phone again.

“All right… we’ll come for a little bit,” he said, not hiding that this was an imposition on them. “But just for a little while. We’ll have a drink or two, but then we’re leaving.”

“That’s wonderful!” Rachel cheered, forcing Kurt to pull the phone from his ear least he be deafened. “We’re going to get there around eight. See you tomorrow!”

Kurt hung up with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely to Adam. He hadn’t missed the disappointment in his boyfriend’s expression with the sudden change in their plans. “We don’t need to go for too long. Just an hour or two and then we can come home and spend our night the way we want to.”

Adam forced a smile onto his face, not wanting Kurt to feel badly just because he was in a bit of a snit. “It’s fine, sweetheart,” he assured his lover. “In fact, it’ll probably do us a bit of good to get out and not be rattling about an empty flat.”

Kurt nodded, looking about the room that was nearly bare, stripped of all the elements that had made it first Adam’s home and then his as well. Now it was just a set of rooms that they were sleeping in. A basic hotel would offer more warmth than their apartment did at the moment.

There was no question that the two of them had been isolating themselves somewhat. Partly because so many of their friends had left for the holidays, but it was also by their own preference. With just a few days left to spend together, they were determined to squeeze out every second that they could. Shutting out their friends was an understandable but unintended result.

Kurt nodded, letting Adam pull him into a warm hug. He wanted to focus on the feeling of the strong arms wrapped around him and not how little time they really had left.

“It’ll be fun, darling,” Adam insisted, a bit more joy in his voice now that their plans were confirmed. “I’m rather looking forward ot it now.”

Kurt smiled, turning his head so that he could kiss the nearest body part of Adam’s, which turned out to be his forearm. “Me too.”

Admittedly, as reluctant as he’d been Kurt felt much better about things as he dressed for their night out. It was probably a good thing to be socializing and getting out, Kurt considered, and not just sitting at home feeling maudlin. He’d found something stylish enough for the evening that he hadn’t packed away yet and got himself showered and shaved so that he was fit to be seen in public.

Adam’s wardrobe was very limited since nearly everything he had was either in storage or packed in suitcases for his travels, but he had a suit that he had packed for press appearances and any formal events that might come up while he was on his tour. Kurt had always liked how Ada looked in the charcoal grey pinstripe that was saved from being too severe for the occasion by the absence of a tie and the red shirt he wore with it.

“You look so handsome,” Kurt mused, reaching out to fix Adam’s pocket square.

“And you are gorgeous,” Adam assured Kurt with a smile. He took the younger man’s hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s funny, but would you believe that I’m actually glad that we’re doing this?”

Kurt cocked an eyebrow curiously. “You are?”

Adam smiled ruefully and nodded. “I know we just wanted to spent tonight together, but I think that going out is going to be good for us.”

“I’m starting to think so too,” Kurt agreed. He realized that he very much needed the distraction that going out might provide, otherwise he would probably be in tears long before midnight. He needed a little bit of time to think about something else and to actually enjoy the time they had left. Adam didn’t deserve to have him being a weepy mess all the time.

Callbacks was already very crowded by the time they arrived, filled to capacity with happy couples and groups looking forward to a wonderful evening. Adam brought their coats to the check room while Kurt scanned the packed club for Rachel and Santana. With so many people laughing and drinking, spotting the two girls was going to be a challenge. Getting out his phone, he sent Rachel a quick text to let her know they’d arrived and to find out where their table was. She quickly responded that she would come get them.

Adam returned and placed his hand gently on Kurt’s arm. “Any sign of them?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head. “No, but Rachel should be here in a second.” He held up his phone meaningfully.

Adam grinned broadly. “You are so clever,” he praised, giving his lover a gentle peck on the cheek. “If it had been up to me, we’d have been wandering about like two idiots until we’d wasted the whole night.”

“Which is why we leave finding my crazy friends to me,” Kurt teased.

Rachel made her way to them, carefully pushing her way through the crowd before rushing up to throw her arms about Kurt. Despite his previous irritation with her demands, Kurt pulled her into a hug and was admittedly glad to see her.

“I’m so glad we convinced you two to come out of hiding!” she exclaimed as she took both of them in tow. The young woman looked absolutely stunning in her ruby red dress, her hair pinned up into a neat chignon.

Kurt felt himself smiling and for the first time in a few days, it didn’t feel at all forced. “I’ll admit it,” he acquiesced graciously. “We both needed to get out for a little bit.”

Adam nodded in agreement, waving to Santana when the other girl came into view. “Yes, we did,” he agreed, looking more relaxed than Kurt had seen him in the past few days. It was clear that Adam needed this outing as much as Kurt did.

The girls had managed to get a table where they would have a good view of the stage and just far enough from where the buffet was set up so that they wouldn’t be disturbed by other celebrating attendees. Kurt was pleased to see that rather than the usual single piano, there was a jazz quartette playing that night.

Rachel saw that the musicians had sparked Kurt’s interest and nodded enthusiastically. “I know… it’s going to be nice to have some proper accompaniment,” she claimed. She gave him an arch stare. “You are planning to sing, aren’t you?”

Before Kurt could answer, Santana gave them a knowing smirk. “Well… look who finally came up for air,” she teased.

Adam smiled at her fondly. “Hello, gorgeous,” he greeted, admiring the way the silver beaded dress showcased her figure and complexion. “And I do apologize for keeping Kurt from you.”

Santana snorted indignantly. “Oh sure,” she mocked playfully. “I mean, what would Hummel rather be doing? Hanging out and listening to our latest dramas, or getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane?”

Kurt felt his cheeks burning since he couldn’t actually deny that he and Adam had been having a lot more sex lately. “We’re not just having sex,” he grumbled, tempted to shove a napkin into Santana’s mouth.

The young woman barked out a laugh. “Oh please… like you’re not riding Adam like a Kentucky Derby longshot every chance you get.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing, his cheeks bright red because just a few hours ago, Kurt had been doing just that. “How about I get us something to drink? Red wine for you, sweetheart?”

“Yes, and cyanide for La Chupacabra here,” Kurt answered, giving Santana a sour look. He did not drag himself out of their bed for this kind of abuse. Adam just chucked and gave Kurt a quick kiss before heading for the bar.

“Santana, be nice,” Rachel admonished with a sly twinkle in her dark eyes.

Kurt looked at her in surprise, pleased that she recognized just how difficult this whole thing was for him to deal with. “Thank you, Rachel,” he said sincerely.

“After all, we know that Kurt doesn’t bottom all the time,” Rachel added with a giggle.

Kurt turned a surprised and irritated glare to her, ready to give her a sharp retort when Adam returned. The older man handed him his glass of wine and took the chair next to him.

“Everything all right, sweetheart?” he asked, seeing that Kurt’s hackles were up.

“Just Rachel and Santana being Rachel and Santana,” Kurt answered, giving the girls an annoyed stare. The two of them just laughed, enjoying their moment of teasing their old friend.

“Berry, did you ever think that we’d get to tease Hummel here about his exceedingly active sex life?” Santana asked, sipping at her cocktail. “Whatever happened to our sweet little baby gay?”

“Do I really need to go into the details?” Kurt asked ironically, arching a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “We’re not kids anymore.”

“We know,” Rachel said soothingly, patting her friend’s hand. “We just wanted to keep things as normal as possible. I mean, it’s not like we don’t joke about on another’s personal lives all the time.”

Kurt’s gaze softened and he took a sip of his wine. He couldn’t deny that he had certainly given both of them just as much ribbing about their love lives as they’d given him. He knew that he was being a bit oversensitive and forced himself to relax, recognizing that they weren’t being malicious.

And to be honest, he really needed that bit of normalcy right now. It was a good thing that they weren’t treating him with kid gloves or expecting him to start crying at the drop of a hat. Getting out tonight probably was going to do both Adam and he a great deal of good. More good than sitting home in a nearly empty apartment and dwelling what the next few days would hold.

“It’s okay,” he granted, giving both of them a reassuring smile. “And I do appreciate you two dragging us out tonight.”

Rachel smiled and reached out to take her friend’s hand. “I’m glad. We really do want to spend some time with both of you.”

“Yeah, Hummel,” Santana added. “No fair of you keeping Rob Roy here from us.”

“Rob Roy was Scottish,” Kurt corrected.

“I do have some Scot in me, love,” Adam inserted. “On my dad’s side.”

Kurt’s eyes brightened. “Does that mean I’ll get to see you in a kilt again someday? Because your legs…”

Santana rolled her eyes dramatically. “Oh God… they’re getting all moony on us again. Let’s get something to eat before I totally lose my appetite.”

The buffet was better than expected, with a nice assortment of hot and cold offerings and the four of them relaxed into the evening, laughing and talking about anything other than Adam’s imminent departure. Kurt felt it easier to focus on the festive atmosphere and the pleasure of having several of those that he was closest to close at hand. He let himself relax and enjoy the wine, music and company, the moment that he was dreading not seeming so ominous at the moment. And he no longer felt the urge to rush out quite so fast.

It was always a pleasure to listen to the various people who braved facing the audience to perform. It was always easy to pick out the trained performers, but Kurt enjoyed seeing average people giving it their best as well. It was worth the pitchy parts and cracked notes to see the absolute joy on someone’s face as they sang a favorite to the cheers of their friends and loved ones.

When a young man who gave an imperfect but passionate performance to his girlfriend finished his song, Rachel grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him to his feet. “Come on!” she urged playfully. “We haven’t sung together in ages.”

Kurt just smiled tolerantly and followed her up to the musicians.

Adam watched the pair with amusement as the musicians began to play the opening notes of one of Rachel’s favorite duets. Listening to the two of them sing together was always a pleasure and he never thought that they sounded so well together as they did now. They had chosen to sing “Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off” in a way that was playful and joyous and very fitting with the celebration and he was content to sit back and watch them having their fun with the light hearted performance. It was nice to see them just singing for the sheer enjoyment of it and Kurt looked relaxed and happy.

Santana leaned over to him, her slender hand touching his. “How is he holding up?” she asked quietly so that she wouldn’t disturb the other party goers.

Adam considered the question carefully before answering. “There are good days and not so good days,” he said, not wanting to give her a blithe answer. She would see right through that. “We’re managing as best we can.”

She nodded, turning he gaze to her friend who looked pretty happy at the moment. But then, Kurt was always happiest when singing. Or with Adam, she realized.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be there for him,” she promised. “I’ll make sure he takes care of himself and doesn’t just do school and get all boring.”

Adam smiled appreciatively, squeezing her hand. For someone with such an acid tongue, Santana really did care about the few that she allowed behind her walls. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I know that you and Rachel will watch out for him. That does put my mind at ease a great deal.”

“Well, just make sure that you don’t do something stupid the way the Grease Stain did,” she warned only partly playfully. “Because if Hummel doesn’t gut you, I will.”

He looked at her, seeing the spark in her eye that warned that she was serious. It wasn’t a threat; it was a promise of what she would do if he even thought of betraying Kurt. And it gratified Adam that Kurt had people around him that were so protective of him.

“That won’t ever happen,” he promised sincerely. “I haven’t even looked at another man since I met Kurt. He’s it for me.”

“Just so long as we understand one another,” she granted with a smile that was all sharp teeth.

Adam chuckled at how Santana had to cloak her love for her friends with a predator’s threats. She was definitely someone that he didn’t want to cross, because she would destroy him and not lose a second’s sleep.

Kurt and Rachel finished to appreciative applause and returned to their table all smiles and laughs. Adam got up to hold out Rachel’s chair like a gentleman so she could sit.

“That was wonderful, you two,” he complimented, kissing Kurt on the cheek. “Did you have fun, darling?”

Kurt nodded, his eyes shining with the pleasure that he always found with performing. “I did,” he admitted.

Adam motioned to Kurt to sit down. “I’ll be back in just a minute,” he assured the younger man. “Wait here for me.” Kissing Kurt again, he hurried over to the band before someone else could jump in ahead of him and spoil what he had in mind.

Once he conferred with the band and they’d agreed on the arrangement, Adam took his place at the microphone. “Good evening all,” he said carefully. “I thank you in advance for your indulgence, because this is a very important night for me and someone very special. Sometimes you can never find the right words to say what you really feel, so I hope that he understands just what he means to me.”

Nodding to the musicians, the pianist began to play softly. Adam inhaled deeply, steadying his nerves and closing his eyes to center himself. He hoped that Kurt would grasp what he was trying to express. He wasn’t as gifted a singer as Kurt was, but Kurt deserved his best effort.

“I sit and wait,” he sang softly. “Does an angel contemplate my fate? And do they know? The places we go when we’re grey and old? ‘Cos I have been told that salvation lets their wings unfold.

“So when I’m lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head…. And I feel that love is dead…. I’m loving angels instead.”

Adam knew that he couldn’t avoid hurting Kurt. This separation was going to be difficult and painful for the both of them, and he knew that there would be moments when both of them might ask if it was worth it. He wanted Kurt to see that he was determined to see this through.

“And through it all, he offers me protection,” Adam proclaimed, wanting the world to see how much Kurt had brought into his life. “A lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong.”

Kurt had stood at his side when Adam had been questioning his future, giving him love and support and keeping him focused on building their future. He knew that he wasn’t the strongest person in the world and the unwavering support from Kurt over the past months had done more than anything else to keep his spirit from failing.

He looked to Kurt, hoping that the younger man understood how much he meant to Adam. “And down the waterfall… wherever it may take me, I know that life won’t break me,” Adam affirmed confidently. He knew that he could shoulder any hardship so long as Kurt was at his side. “When I come to call, he won’t forsake me. I’m loving angels instead.”

There were times when Kurt did sometimes seem too good to be true, with his generous heart and brilliant spirit. And Adam wondered what he’d done in this or any past life to deserve having such a remarkable creature gracing his life.

“When I’m feeling weak, and my pain walks down a one way street,” Adam sang, thinking back to the past months. The worries that he had about his future had been so difficult to move past and he couldn’t help from wondering if he would have just given up if Kurt had not been there to encourage him. “I look above, and I know I’ll always be blessed with love.

“And as the feeling grows… he breathes flesh to my bones. And when love is dead, I’m loving angels instead.”

Kurt made him want to be a better man. A stronger person, and to build the kind of life that Kurt deserved. He would work hard to be successful and be the kind of partner that Kurt needed him to be. He wanted to build a life with Kurt, to have the privilege of watching him mature and grow. To see him complain about the fine lines that would appear about his eyes and the grey that would touch his temples. He wanted it all.

Adam smiled at his lover and saw the tears that Kurt was fighting back. Kurt felt so much and so deeply and expressed it with every fiber of his being. His beautiful boy would learn that he had nothing to fear when it came to Adam, because Adam had everything to fight for. A life with the man he loved. There was nothing that he’d allow to stand in the way of that.

“And through it all, he offers me protection,” Adam proclaimed, wanting the entire world to know what Kurt meant to him. “A lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong.

“And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me,” Adam insisted. “I know that life won’t break me. When I come to call, he won’t forsake me. I’m loving angels instead.”

The audience applauded and there were whistles and cheers of appreciation but the only regard that Adam wanted was from Kurt. His lover had risen from his seat and wasn’t trying to hide his emotions. Tears were shining in Kurt’s eyes and his mouth was drawn into a wide grin.

“You are insane,” Kurt complained, pulling Adam into his arms. “Absolutely mad.”

“Mad about you, sweetheart,” Adam insisted, looking down into that beautiful face. “And I meant every word I just sang there.”

“If you two get any sweeter, I am going to vomit. Right here,” Santana warned, resting her chin in her hand. “And I certainly haven’t had enough to drink for that yet.”

Kurt looked to his friends, seeing the amused look on Rachel’s face and Santana’s tarter expression. He looked back to Adam. “Want to get out of here?” he asked.

Adam nodded. “Let’s celebrate tonight the way we wanted to.”

Kurt turned to Rachel and Santana and made their apologies. “I think that we’re going to head out now,” he explained. “We need to have some time to ourselves tonight.”

Rachel gave a dramatic sigh, shrugging her shoulders. “I suppose that’s okay,” she granted with feigned reluctance. “It’s not like the two of you are going to do anything but stare into each other’s eyes all night.”

Kurt smiled thankfully and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll give you a call next year,” he teased.

“Oh, go on, you two,” Santana sniped as she studied her manicure, looking totally bored but Kurt knew it was an act.

Adam bent to give Santana a quick kiss and didn’t miss the way her eyes softened. “Goodnight, gorgeous,” he said gently.

She nodded, and Adam thought that he detected a flash of sadness in her gaze. “Good luck on your tour,” she wished and Adam kissed her cheek again.

“I’ll call you from the road,” he promised, gathering Kurt under his arm. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible.

They hurried out to get their coats and find a cab. There was a bottle of champagne waiting in the refrigerator to toast in the new year and some precious hours to spend together. Neither of them wanted to waste a single one of them.

* * *

Kurt and Adam arrived at the rehearsal building early in the morning to meet the bus that would be carrying the company to Boston for the first stage of their tour. Kurt huddled in his coat as he watched Adam stow his suitcases in the luggage hold, holding on to Adam’s backpack for him.

Around him, other members of the cast were making their own goodbyes to friends and family who’d come to see them off. He saw Nialls and Cynthia making their own farewells, both of them shedding tears and holding one another closely. Kurt blinked back his own tears, finding no comfort in that they weren’t the only couple facing separation.

Once Adam’s bags were taken care of, he returned to Kurt and accepted his backpack back. “Thanks, love,” he said gently, slinging the pack over his shoulder.

“I packed some snacks for you,” Kurt said. “And a few bottles of water.”

“Thank you, darling. I’m sure we’re going to stop for food at some point on the road,” Adam reminded him.

“I know… but I don’t you to be hungry,” Kurt insisted. He just needed to do something.

“What time does your flight get in?” Adam asked.

“If there are no delays, I should be landing at around two,” Kurt confirmed. “I’m renting a car and will meet Dad and Carole in Lima.”

Adam nodded, glad that Kurt was taking some time to go home before the semester began. Having some time to spend with his family would provide a good distraction and keep him from dwelling too much on them being apart.

“You’ll call me when you land?” Adam requested, taking Kurt’s gloved hands in his.

Kurt nodded. “And you’ll call me when you get to Boston?”

“I will,” Adam assured him.

The other actors began to board the bus and Adam inhaled deeply, knowing that the moment they’d been looking forward to and dreading had arrived.

“You’d better get going, or they might leave without you,” Kurt said, his voice growing hoarse.

Adam nodded, pulling Kurt into his arms. Their kiss tasted of salt.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” Adam insisted ardently. “Because this isn’t goodbye. I’m going to see you soon.”

Kurt nodded, blinking back tears. “You are going to be so amazing,” he affirmed confidently. “And I am so proud of you.”

Adam smiled sadly, pulling Kurt in for one last lingering embrace. “You take care of yourself,” he urged.

“I will,” Kurt promised. Biting his lip to keep from openly crying, he nudged Adam toward the bus door.

Kurt watched as Adam climbed into the bus and through the windows, saw him take his seat. Adam turned to look at him again, holding up his hand against the window and mouthed something to Kurt.

I love you.

Kurt sniffled and nodded, letting Adam know that he understood. He stayed until the bus pulled away and headed down the street, carrying Adam towards his future. Feeling like he was missing a limb or some vital organ, Kurt forced himself to turn and face his own.

* * *

Songs used::

Kurt's song: "Glitter In The Air" - P!nk

Songs with the Apples: "All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey                                       "Merry Xmas Everybody" - Slade

Adam's song "Angels" - Robbie Williams

**A/N**

I've tried very hard not to re-use songs that had been performed on Glee, but there are a number of songs that I felt were poorly used and had little connection with the story lines or were performed by the wrong singers (*coughRachelBlainecough*). "Glitter In The Air" is one such song. I've always found it to be one of the most beautiful songs about throwing caution to the wind for love and it became a throwaway solo for Rachel. I feel absolutely no guilt about re purposing it in a more appropriate manner and with a singer who would do it justice.

[such-a-common-girl]

Professor Winchester (Dean Winchester x Reader AU) Chap. 1

Professor Winchester Masterlist

Word Count: 2,613

Professor!Dean Winchester x Reader AU

Summary: A few years after being accepted into your dream college, everything’s going well. Your grades are good, your social life is booming, all your assignments are easy...  Except for the damn essay that Professor Winchester assigned you. Based off this request.

Chapter Warnings : Language, alcohol usage, mentions of sex, mentions of student/teacher relationships

‘Similar to the effects of the mythical creature the basilisk, Medusa…”

You groan out as you sit at your kitchen table, your fingertips typing away at your laptop in an attempt to start the introduction paragraph of your research essay that’s due tonight. You tend to be a procrastinator, which never works well, and more often than not leaves you immensely stressed out.

You shake your head, deleting the first sentence all together before taking a long sip of coffee. Only three hours to get the essay done. Three hours until the deadline. Damn Professor Winchester for giving you such a challenging topic.

Normally, you love his class. He’s easily one of the most laid back, chilled out professors you’ve had throughout your three years at the University of Kansas. His love for Greek Mythology is unlike anything you’ve seen before. His lectures are nothing short of interesting, as he somehow manages to make even the most minuscule of things seem like the most amazing thing in the world. The tests are hard, but as long as you pay attention and take notes in class, you’ve always been fine.

Unfortunately for you, the subject of your essay that Professor Winchester had assigned you is something that you’ve yet to go over in the class, leaving you completely clueless.

“You’re still going at that thing?” Your roommate and also best friend, Nina, enters the kitchen as she walks past you.

“Yes,” You groan, twisting your body around in the chair to face her. “I just want to get it over with, but every time I even begin to write something, my mind goes blank. I can’t think of one single thing, which is fucking terrible because this damn paper is two hundred points. That’s almost as much as finals.”

“Why are you even taking Greek Mythology, anyways? That’s not even a requirement for your major. Don't tell me you’re becoming one of those students obsessed with Professor Winchester. ” 

“I needed another elective for the general education requirements and this one seemed the most interesting. It is, I wasn’t wrong, but it’s challenging.” You frown.

“Professor Hottie’s class isn’t so easy, huh?” Nina raises her eyebrows. “No wonder I see all those desperate students dropping out of his class after a few weeks.”

“He may be easy on the eyes, but his class is certainly no easy A.” You sigh. “Sadly.” 

There’s no denying that Professor Winchester is attractive. Beyond attractive. He was the talk of the freshman class whenever you had first gotten accepted into this university, almost every women (and some men) were so desperate to get into his class just to be around him, it was almost sad. More than half of them would drop it as soon as they realize how difficult it is, despite being told repeatedly by older students that his class was actually challenging.

You, on the other hand, aren't taking this class just because of the teacher. Sure, you’re attracted to the man. So is seemingly everyone else on campus. But, you know that there’s absolutely no way in hell that that would ever happen, and you’re not planning on pursuing your measly crush on Professor Winchester. You’re here to learn and get your degree so you can become a teacher, not so you can have a one-night stand with one of your professors and risk getting kicked out of university.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it, then.” Nina says, grabbing a bag of chips out of the cupboard. “If you want to go out later tonight after you finish, celebrate or something, let me know. I desperately need to get drunk.”

“Things not working out so well with Matt?” You ask as you begin to type some more, not necessarily paying attention to her but not wanting to be rude and dismiss her completely.

“I don’t know.” She sighs. “He’s getting attached. Friends with benefits is more complicated than I had expected. But anyways, I’m going to leave you alone now to wallow in your own problems. The last thing you need is to worry about mine, too.”

“I promise, as soon as I finish this stupid fucking essay, I will go out and get drunk with you and we can talk all night about your problems with Matt. Sound like a deal?” You grin at her.

“Deal.” She smiles, taking a bite of her Doritos. You take a deep breath and begin to write. At this point, you can’t strive for perfection anymore. The deadline is quickly approaching, and a mediocre paper would have to do.

A few hours later, your essay is completed (and very much half-assed) with only minutes to spare. A huge weight is lifted off your chest as you push the “submit” button online, relief spreading throughout your body. The stress is gone, and the readiness to go to a bar and get drunk is filling the void.

“Nina!” You yell out, shutting your laptop screen.

“Did you finish?” She yells back from her room, the high volume of the television almost drowning out her voice. Your neighbors probably hate you.

“Hell yeah I did!” You say enthusiastically. “Now let’s go get some drinks!”

-

“He’s just so clingy.” Nina sighs, taking another drink of her martini.

You’re currently sitting at a bar, one that is a few towns over since she didn’t want to take the chance of accidentally running into her boy-toy. The place is full and buzzing with people, which is normally not your scene, but you could deal with it tonight. The both of you needed this.

“I don’t do clingy. I am a no-strings attached kind of girl, he knows this. He knew what he was getting into.” She sighs. “I just don’t know what to do. The sex is too good to just drop him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him to back off, you know? We were friends before all of this.”

“Can’t help ‘ya there, sister.” You swirl your drink with your straw. You’ve only had one drink, so you’re not nearly as tipsy as Nina is. “I’m about as clueless as it gets when it comes to guys.”

“But you’re so pretty!” Nina hiccups, giggling.

“Yeah, well, my mom kept me on a pretty tight leash growing up.” You admit. “She wanted me to go to some big-shot school, become a big business woman like she is. Kind of didn’t allow me to focus on anything except for my school. Unfortunately, her hopes and dreams for me were squashed the moment I chose to come to KU. I like it here, though. It’s nice. I don’t regret my decision.”

“She wouldn’t even let you have a boyfriend?” Nina’s jaw drops in shock.

“Nope.” You laugh. “I mean, I’ve been more adventurous since I came in here as an innocent, little freshman. I’m no virgin. But I’d definitely say that I have nowhere near as much experience as you.”

Nina giggles again, downing the rest of her drink. You do the same, not anywhere near as buzzed as you’d like to be. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see a few men walking into the bar. You don’t bother giving them a second look, not giving much thought to it. Guys in a bar? Who would’ve thought!

“Holy shit, Y/N.” Nina’s eyes go wide, her gaze following the men who had walked in. “You’ll never believe who’s here.”

“Matt?” You give it your best guess. Who else could possibly be here that she’d be having such a reaction about?

“Professor Hottie, and his just as hot friends.” Nina ogles. You whip your head around, and sure enough, he’s sitting at the table behind you with a group of his friends. Some of them you recognize as other professors from the school, such as Professor Novak and Dr. Garth, and one of the other men you recognize as Professor Winchester’s brother, Sam. He had pictures of them together on his desk, which is the only reason you know that.

“We have to leave!” You begin to up. “I came here to get away from him and his absolutely terrible assignments. Seeing him is serving as a reminder that I probably am getting an F on it. Besides, it’s just weird being here with him, being in the same place while me and you are getting drunk. He’s my professor.”

“That he is.” Nina nods. “Your professor that’s looking you up and down right now.”

You look back over at them, and certainly enough, Nina is correct. He’s looking at you as if he’s trying to place your face, until a look of shock crosses his face. He waves slightly, his face becoming a little flustered.

“Hey, Y/N!” Professor Winchester calls out, his voice slurred a little bit. “What’re you doing here?”

You look over at Nina, panic obvious in your face. You know it’s entirely inappropriate to have a conversation in a place like this with your teacher, especially since the both of you have obviously had a bit to drink. Nina only smirks at you before lightly shoving you his way, whispering “go get some experience, tiger,” in your ear.

You blush at Nina’s words as you approach the table of men, all of them looking up at you.

“Hey, Professor.” You say awkwardly. “I’m just here celebrating finishing that essay you assigned us with my roommate. Girl’s night. You?”

“You can call me Dean, this ain’t class.” He laughs. “Guy’s night. I’ll be honest, wasn’t expecting to see you here. Thought we were far enough away from campus. Oh, guys, sorry, forgot to introduce you to Y/N, here. She’s my student in my honors college Greek Mythology class.”

“So you’re the smart girl that Dean here is always bragging about, huh?” Dean’s brother, Sam, smiles at you.

“I wouldn’t say bragging. She is one of my best students. The only one that ever puts any effort into her work. Most students don’t really give a damn about my class.” Dean snorts, taking a drink of the brown liquid that a waitress sat down on the table. You can tell he’s drunker than he looks, and you feel slightly uncomfortable intruding on their “guy’s night” like this.

“I think you might be slightly disappointed with my essay.” You admit. “Pretty half-assed.”

“S’alright. You gotta pretty ass, so it makes up for it.” Dean slurs, and your eyes widen. Did your professor just hit on you? In front of other professors? Sure, they’re his friends, but... He’s definitely drunk.

“Thanks?” You laugh. You know at this point, you should leave and not make this any more awkward than it needs to be. It’ll already be uncomfortable on Tuesday when you have to go to his class, since he just not-so-subtly flirted with you. But, as you start to leave, Dean’s mouth turns into a frown, motioning for you to come back. 

“Why not, right?” You grin, not sober enough to deny his offer at this point. You look back over to Nina, who’s already sitting at the bar again, chatting it up with some random blonde man.

“Yeah, why not.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

“So, Y/N, what's your major?” Sam asks you, pulling up a chair. You gladly take a seat, your arm only inches away from Dean’s.

“Double majoring in Education and English. Believe it or not, I want to be an English teacher. The only reason I’m even taking Professor Winch- Dean’s class here is because I’m required to take one more elective and since my next year will be so jammed pack, this is the only time I have for it.” You admit. 

“Smart girl.” Professor Novak- or should you call him by his first name, too?- comments. “No wonder Dean likes you.”

“C’mon guys,” Dean puts his hands up in the air, glaring at him. “I never-”

He’s cut off by a waitress bringing another round of shots, setting them down on the table. You’ve decided this is where you’ll draw the line, not about to take shots with your goddamn history professor, no matter how attractive he looks right now. 

You turn your head, preparing to tell Dean bye. But, as some twist of fate, Dean has also turned his head to tell you something, making your lips accidentally brush each other. Instead of pulling away like you thought he might have, he begins to move his lips against yours. His lips taste like straight liquor. You freeze in shock, not knowing what to do. When he realizes you're not kissing back, he pulls away quickly, a look of guilt on his face. 

“Shit, Y/N, I’m so sor-”

“I’ve actually got to go, I’ll see you on class on Tuesday, Professor.” You manage to stutter out. You can hear a mixture of “oh man, you’ve had too much to drink” and “nice one, professor smooth” coming from the men as you practically sprint away from the table.

You grab Nina’s arm as you walk out the door, already pulling out your phone to call an Uber. She’s giving you bewildered and confused looks, not understanding why you just ran out of there like that.

“What the hell happened back there?” She cocks her eyebrows. “You see a ghost or something?”

“He just… He was very drunk.” You squeak out. Obviously, you’re flattered. He’s a very attractive man, and if someone wouldn’t be affected by his blatant flirting, you would be surprised. But, you know that not only was he probably too drunk to know what he was saying. He’s your professor, he wouldn’t… Right?

“Very drunk as in he didn’t recognize you and tried to hook up with you, or very drunk as in he made a stupid comment and embarrassed you?”

“A mixture?” You shrug your shoulders, your cheeks still red. “He recognized me, alright. Then he said he’d excuse my shitty essay because I have a nice ass. I noped out of there the minute a round of shots came by.” You purposely leave out the kiss part. 

“Look at you!” Nina squeals, jumping around excitedly. “Getting hit on by the eye-candy of teachers! You have no idea how jealous all those girls who got turned down would be right now! I’ll admit, I’m even a little jealous!”

“He was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing.” You groan. “Don’t tell anyone this, alright? I’m hoping that he won’t remember this. I don’t think that I’ll be able to look him in the eye if we both remember what just happened.”

“Why, though? Thinkin’ about how he would destroy that as-“

“Don’t finish that sentence.” You groan out, making her giggle. “He probably won’t remember, right?”

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“Only A Breath Apart” Excerpt Reveal

Would you dare to defy destiny? Are our destinies written in stone? Do we become nothing more than the self-fulfilling prophesies of other people's opinions? Or can we dare to become who we believe we were born to be?

“A gorgeous, heartfelt journey of redemption and love” (Wendy Higgins), ONLY A BREATH APART is a young adult contemporary novel from critically acclaimed Katie McGarry. “Haunting, authentic, and ultimately hopeful” (Tammara Webber), ONLY A BREATH APART will be available on all retailers on January 22, 2019!

About ONLY A BREATH APART:

Jesse dreams of working the land that’s been in his family forever. But he’s cursed to lose everything he loves most.

Scarlett is desperate to escape her “charmed” life. But leaving a small town is easier said than done.

Despite their history of heartbreak, when Jesse sees a way they can work together to each get what they want, Scarlett can’t say no.Each midnight meeting between Jesse and Scarlett will push them to confront their secrets and their feelings for each other.

Amazon | Kobo | Google Play | B-A-M | Barnes & Noble | iBooks

“Gritty and real, Only a Breath Apart is a story of hope conjured from pain, strength drawn from innocence, and love earned from self-respect. Beautiful, poignant, and fierce.” ―Kristen Simmons, critically acclaimed author of the Article 5 series

Add it to your Goodreads today!

Excerpt:

SCARLETT

I’m defying my parents by attending a funeral. Reckless and adventurous teenage behavior, I know. Most seventeen-year-olds lie to their parents so they can go on a date with a forbidden boy or attend a party where there will be questionable behavior. Me? I’m outright lying to my dad, and it’s because Jesse Lachlin’s grandmother died.

The entire way here I’ve questioned my sanity, but I don’t know how I’d live with myself if I stayed home. Jesse Lachlin used to be my childhood best friend. We were inseparable. We had the type of friendship people strive to have, and then, a few years ago, he cut me so deeply that I still bleed. But ten-year-old me would have never abandoned a hurting Jesse. So today I’m not only honoring the memory of Jesse’s grandmother, but also the memory of our dead friendship.

On my way to the funeral, the high grass of the field swats at my legs, but I don’t mind the sting. I love walking barefoot in grass, I love the smell of the earth and I love that brief feeling of freedom open spaces can provide.

It’s the dog days of August. The type of hot that starts when the sun rises and makes you sweat through your clothes within minutes. While my skin and palms are on fire, the pads of my feet are cool against the dirt. The heat is unwelcome, but the sky is deep blue and the sun is bright, and for that, I can be grateful.

Walking out of the field, I stop short of crossing the one-lane road to slip on the flats that dangle from my fingertips. My mother would be mortified if she knew I was entering a church in a cotton daisy-print sundress. It’s not one of the dresses with stiff fabric and impossible back zippers she would have picked for me at an overpriced department store. It’s the type that’s machine-washable and breathable. The type of dress Jesse’s grandmother would have given her stamp of approval.

I can practically hear my mother heavily sigh and mumble my name, Scarlett, as if it were her personal, private curse word. Mom believes there’s a certain way to dress and behave, and I’m breaking all sorts of her rules today. Watch out, world. I’m officially rebellious.

I smile to myself because I’m the opposite of rebellious. For the last few years, I’ve followed every rule. I’m the teacher’s pet and the girl with straight A’s. I’m the poster child of perfection, and have earned every snarky ice princess comment Jesse’s friends whisper about me in the school hallways because he and I no longer speak.

There are only six cars in the parking lot of the white church, and that makes me frown. I thought more people would have wanted to attend. Jesse’s mud-covered pickup is there, and so is an unnaturally clean black Mercedes that belongs to his uncle. This ought to be interesting. Jesse and his uncle have a mutual hate for each other that runs deeper than any root of any tree.

Movement to my right and I slowly turn my head. Shivers run down my spine at the sight of Glory Gardner. Even though I’m seventeen and too old for ghost stories, I still can’t shake the ones regarding this woman. Girls would whisper over lunch boxes that Glory was a witch. As I grew older, I understood that witch meant con artist. She claims she can read palms, tarot cards and “sees” spirits from beyond the dead. All for a glorious fee.

She’s a beautiful woman—long dirty blond hair that’s untamed, even in a bun, and she has an eclectic taste in clothing. Today she wears a white peasant shirt and a flowing skirt made of material that shimmers in the sun.

Glory watches me like I watch her, with morbid curiosity. I knew her as a child, back when Jesse and I ran wild in the fields near her home, but we haven’t talked in years.

She stands under the shade of a towering weeping willow. There are lots of those trees around here. Mom says it’s because there is too much water in the ground. I say it’s because the people in this town have cried too many tears. Mom doesn’t like my answer.

I tilt my head toward the church, an unspoken question if Glory will be joining me. She shakes her head no. I’m not shocked. According to rumors, Glory will go up in flames if she enters the house of God. But who knows? Maybe I will, too.

The church is one of those picturesque, historical, one-room school buildings squeezed between a cornfield on one side and a hay field on the other. A huge steeple with a bell attempts to reach the heavens, but like anything created by a human, it falls tragically short.

The foreboding wooden door makes no noise as I open it, and I’m able to slip in without a huge, squeaking announcement. Orange light filters in through the dark stained glass windows, and its struggling beams reveal millions of dancing particles of dust.

On the altar, there’s no casket, but there is an urn. My heart dips—Suzanne is dead. I used to wish she were my grandmother, and many times, she treated me as if I belonged to her. Suzanne was the epitome of love, and the world feels colder now that she’s gone.

Choosing a spot in the back, I drop into a pew, and as I scan the church my stomach churns. How is it possible that this place is so barren?

Besides the Funeral Brigade, or the FB, as I like to refer to them, there aren’t many people here. The FB are the older group of woman who attend every funeral in our small town even if they didn’t know the person. Attending funerals isn’t my idea of fun, but who am I to judge?

The FB sit directly behind the one person the town believes to be the lone sane member of the Lachlin family, probably because he isn’t blood related—Jesse’s uncle.

On the left side of the church is Jesse. Only Jesse. And that causes a painful pang in my chest. Where are his stinking friends? The anarchists in training who follow Jesse wherever he goes? Where is the rest of the town? Yes, Suzanne was polarizing, but still, where is any respect?

Quietly, so I don’t draw attention to myself, I slip from the right set of pews to the left. Someone should be on Jesse’s side, and it’s sad it has to be me.

A door at the front of the church opens, and the pastor walks out from the addition the church build on as a small office ten years ago. I would have thought any pastor assigned to this place would be as ancient as this church. Sort of like an Indiana Jones Knights Templar scenario where he lives forever as long as he stays inside. But no, he’s the youngest pastor from the main, newer church in town. His name is Pastor Hughes, and he’s a thirty-something black man with a fit build who is just cute enough that he should be starring in a movie.

The pastor looks up, and he flinches as if startled. I peek over my shoulder then sigh. Clearly, he’s surprised to see me. Flipping fantastic.

His reaction, and the fact he won’t stop staring, causes every person to turn their heads. Lovely. I’ve had dreams like this where I enter a room and become the center of attention. Only in my dreams it’s at school, it’s my classmates and I’m naked, but still, this is disconcerting.

Eventually, the FB and Jesse’s uncle return their attention to the front, but Jesse doesn’t. He rests his arm on the back of the pew, and it’s hard to ignore that he’s made me his sole focus, but I do my best to act as if I don’t notice.

To help, I concentrate on what my mom taught me as a child—to make sure the skirt of my dress is tucked appropriately so that my thighs don’t show. I then fold my hands in my lap and straighten to a book-on-head posture. I can be the ice princess people claim me to be.

Five pews separate me and Jesse, and it’s not nearly enough. My cheeks burn under his continued inspection. Jesse has done this a handful of times since our freshman year. Glance at me as if I’m someone worth looking at, someone worth laughing with a little too loud and smiling with a little too much. Then he remembers who I am and snaps his gaze to someone else.

But he’s not looking away now.  

Katie McGarry Bio:

Katie McGarry was a teenager during the age of grunge and boy bands and remembers those years as the best and worst of her life. She is a lover of music, happy endings, reality television, and is a secret University of Kentucky basketball fan. Katie is the author of full length YA novels, PUSHING THE LIMITS, DARE YOU TO, CRASH INTO YOU, TAKE ME ON, BREAKING THE RULES, and NOWHERE BUT HERE and the e-novellas, CROSSING THE LINE and RED AT NIGHT. Her debut YA novel, PUSHING THE LIMITS was a 2012 Goodreads Choice Finalist for YA Fiction, a RT Magazine's 2012 Reviewer's Choice Awards Nominee for Young Adult Contemporary Novel, a double Rita Finalist, and a 2013 YALSA Top Ten Teen Pick. DARE YOU TO was also a Goodreads Choice Finalist for YA Fiction and won RT Magazine’s Reviewer’s Choice Best Book Award for Young Adult Contemporary fiction in 2013.

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