#there’s been so many channels that have gone hill recently

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s crazy to see how current YouTubers have lost their reputation. I used to watch iilluminaughtii, Colleen (Miranda Sings), and so much more.

I genuinely loved these creators, and learning about their past actions makes it extremely hard to support them, if at all.

I just want to know what in the world is going on and why are these secrets just now getting revealed? Why…just why?

[kn0ckkn0ckneo]

i'm sitting at my kitchen table trying to wrap my head around dots i've been connecting. just a moment ago i was speechless & i wanted to cry & i wanted to scream & i wanted to talk to somebody about what was going through my mind, but these matters are not to be shared w/just anyone. quite frankly, i think many would believe i've gone mad. i'm not quite sure where to begin with this, but i will give it my best shot. i found it important i document my discoveries/progress/experiences.. thoughts, feelings- all of it.

7 years ago i moved to cabo san lucas for the first time. one night i was talking on the phone w/i don't remember who, but i was walking up the hill going towards my house & i looked up at the sky & there were about 6 white, glowing orbs in the sky. they were a bit scattered & looked like very large stars. i didn't think much of it, i was on the phone & distracted walking up the hill. i looked down to watch my step but looked back up at the sky & the white orbs started to move & arrange themselves diagonally into a straight line. i remember stopping the person on the other line that was speaking & telling them what i was witnessing. i told them i would call them back because i wanted to record this on my phone. i opened the camera, & well, 7 years ago my android phone camera was a piece of crap. you couldn't see a damn thing. i watched these white orbs get into line & then they started to ascend further into the sky all together. they faded into the night slowly, but also happened fast. it almost seemed like time did not exist right then.

about 1yr 1/2 ago i got into deep meditation religiously. i was addicted to it because there was so much that was going on through meditation back then, spiritual awakening was a major theme for me. in one occasion when i was meditating i heard the word "freedom" from a male voice. his voice sounded so warm & so soothing. it woke me from my meditation & i couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. on another occasion not too far from that day i heard the word "Yasmite" from the same voice! i remember waking from meditation abruptly. i stood straight up from my seat, yanked off my blindfold & shot my eyes wide open. i immediately started to google this word & i kept getting stuff on Yosemite. but then i finally found a website that describes the meanings of names & Yasmite was on there. i could not believe what i had read. i will paste a part of it here:

"Yasmite meaning: Energy, helper, stimulator

Yasmite possesses a great sensitivity to higher vibrations and even psychic information. However, in order to find peace within themselves, they must learn to control this flow of energy. Yasmite possesses a bridge between the unconscious and conscious, giving them a unique ability to channel this power in ways that can be life-changing for themselves and those around them. Those with the name Yasmite have the potential to tap into a deep well of intuition and knowledge, and to use this power to bring about positive change in their lives and the lives of others. By learning to harness this power and use it for good, Yasmite can create a brighter future for themselves and those around them."

so i understood that Yasmite wasn't just a word, it's a name.. it's a whole person, an identity.

for several nights, not necessarily in a row or too close to each other, but somewhere between a span of 8 months more or less, i've been having dreams about quartz. different kinds of crystals, but a lot of them resemble the same type/shape. in one of my dreams i remember that the crystals i use to perform healing when i do reiki fell to the dirt & i reached down to grab them with dirt & all. it didn't make sense to me then, but it makes a lot of sense now. i'll tell you in a minute why. on another occasion, which i believe is the most recent of dreams related to crystals, i dreamt that i was traveling on the water of the ocean, very deep into the ocean, but not underneath it. in my dream i remembered my fear of the ocean, this is where i became aware that i was "dreaming," so i just remembered how the ocean always seems to want to swallow me aggressively whenever i am nearby, but then suddenly there crystals appeared through the ocean. they looked a lot like the angel aura crystals. they were purple, but they had the same shape that i usually see in my dreams. i woke up after that.

so, recently i started reading my Alien Races book again & this is where i kind of lost it. last night i started reading about Centaurian Systems & the race that specifically grabbed my attention were the Telosi (Telosii). The Telosii settled on Terra (earth) before the last Ice Age. Terrans often confuse them or remember them by Lemurians, but apparently this is not true. They happen to be more like the Atlanteans (from Atlantis), since their civilization extended in the Atlantic Ocean & it's shores!! THE OCEAN. the whole Centaurian colonies use crystals & gems w/their science & have cities built from them. the Telosii's mission is to help Terrans decode ancient knowledge. They are the ones behind the crop circles leaving geometrical clues guiding the decoding of a lost science. the Telosii are also behind the origin of the "Telosi Crystals," commonly & erroneously known as the "Lemurian Quartz. bitch, i fucking googled that shit & guess the fuck WHAT... ? the same damn crystals i've been seeing in my DREAMS!!! these crystals are encoded KEYS used to unlock ancient knowledge. wherever these crystals are found naturally, Telosii are nearby. the Telosii are an underground civilization & they have a plant based diet.

now, to conclude the Telosii discoveries, their ships. guess what shape their ships are. WHITE, GLOWING ORBS. they can also be discal, but they mainly travel in the orbs. i've seen these orbs in the desert as well & i've seen them over the ocean & under. but i will save that story for another time. what i need to figure out is how am i connected to the Centaurians/Telosii? the dirt with the crystals in my dreams... they were giving me hints about where this colony is. i still don't know what the purpose of all of this is, but i will find out soon. it's been years of this journey. the ETs, they don't reach out a whole lot, they have more important things to do than hang out w/the Terrans. however, my connection w/them has been more frequent now than it has ever been my whole life. i've had some engagements with the Anunnaki, an interference w/a Ciakahrr species for a second, Arcturians & some others i still have not figured out what their race is yet.

going back quickly to the Yasmite thing... i think that's my name. i've felt it in my gut ever since i heard it. honestly... i don't feel like i am here most of the time. it's almost like i'm in a whole other dimension. i feel like my frequency doesn't match anyone i've met. i think my friend Robert was probably the only one i could say was something beyond this world. i feel like one day, when i am ready, i am going to give myself to the ocean. idk why that just feels right. that is how i choose to go. i am going to give myself to the ocean. drowning doesn't sound fun, but i feel like i need to return there.

[lindsaystravelblogs2]

Days 13 & 14 - Tortel and the Pulluche Channel

(Having trouble posting photos and my one video at present due to poor bandwidth, so I will try to post some text and insert the photos later.)

Day 13 - Thursday, 16 March  Tortel

We slept with the curtains open because there was no moon due to the heavy cloud.  But as dawn broke, we found ourselves at anchor with a delightful little village just a hundred metres or so outside our window. It was the town of Tortel and it was simply wonderful.  We were ferried ashore in the lifeboats – they call them tenders! – to a dry landing (they have taken our boots and life jackets so I assume there will be no more wet landings).  The village has just over five hundred inhabitants and is obviously very isolated but they are set up very well to service the tourists.  Where we went ashore, there were a few open-sided pavilions (they reminded me a lot of Bali) and they gave us a brief history lesson and performed some local music and dancing for us.  They had samples of pisco for everyone – an alcoholic drink found extensively across Chile and many other parts of South America.  It is a bit like a very refreshing lemon drink, fairly sour, but I really enjoyed it.  They also had some empanadas for us to sample – not as hot as they could have been but very tasty.

The village was founded to exploit the cypress trees in the region and virtually everything was constructed of wood, much of it quite beautiful joinery with lovely grain.  We were told there are no roads (apparently, some sort of track or road was recently constructed on the far side of the village) but there is a timber walkway about three kilometres long skirting the fiord and running through the town.  It is a work of art and the whole village was quaint and delightful.  It was comprised of fairly run-down houses scattered throughout the dense foliage with stairs running up to many of them.  There are also quite a few very long staircases running high up the side of the hill.  They are all signposted as Tsunami Escape Paths so either they have either experienced them, or are on notice that they could have one, because a lot of work went into constructing all the escape routes.

We were told that there are no rich and poor people in the village: everyone is equal and if a new house or building (etc.) is required, everyone simply contributes cash or labour to get things done.  It sounds a very idyllic life, but there were signs that it really does work for them. We saw a whole bunch of men all working together to build a house in the town so maybe they have found the secret to contentment at a community level.  It sounds too good to be true, but who am I to play the cynic?

We walked a couple of kilometres along the walkway – all made of locally-milled cypress – but didn’t go right through the village.  It is a long narrow village with houses scattered randomly up the side of the fiord, many completely hidden in the thick vegetation.  I saw a few birds, not many, but the little hummingbirds (Green-backed Firecrowns) were relatively abundant.  We eventually strolled back to the landing point and took the next tender back to the ship.  It had been a lovely lazy morning and gave us a lot to think about – the philosophy of the natives and the way they live and thrive together in such an isolated and resource-poor environment was inspirational.

The afternoon lecture was about the geomorphology of southern South  America – pretty heavy stuff and presented with a heavy French accent, but for once, I was able to follow quite a bit of it.

Day 14 -Friday, 17 March The Pulluche Channel

I woke up with a burning sore throat and aching all over – not sure what it is, but it has come and gone a few times during the day.  With so many people around, it is no wonder that the occasional bug crosses from one individual to another. Notwithstanding, I am pretty confident that I will survive.

We are ‘at sea’ again all day today but the surrounding country is very different here.  We went through the Pulluche Channel this morning, almost without noticing it.  They promised that they would make an announcement when we were near it, but if they did, we never heard it.  Most announcements are only broadcast in the passageways and with the heavy doors, it is almost impossible to hear them – and if you were in the loo or the shower, there is no way you would know whatever critical bit of information they were passing on.

There is no snow in this area although I have seen a few snow-capped mountains in the far distance a couple of times today.  Instead, we have been sailing through some very wide channels, often liberally scattered with forested islands – from small rock cays to islands a kilometre or more long.  It was 4 degrees and foggy in the morning but the afternoon has been sunny and I guess up to about 20 degrees, despite the predicted maximum being only 12.  It is certainly cool in the wind, but out of it, I don’t need a jacket of any sort.

There have been several calls to look at whales, all humpbacks I think, but they are all at least a kilometre away.  I was on the back deck with a few other people when they were broadcasting whales on the portside – and I eventually saw a couple of blows about two kilometres behind us.  They eventually turned the ship around so people could get another look, but the whales were feeding in the depths and only surfaced momentarily to breathe before plunging back into the dark morass.

We deliberately missed the early morning lecture in favour of a latish start because I was ‘feeling poorly’ but the cruise director gave a brilliant lecture this afternoon about Falconry through the Ages, particularly focussing on his personal passion for owls and falcons of which he owns eight and trains them, and a select few apprentices.  It was absolutely fascinating and he is an inspiration, working with seriously ill kids in hospitals, in schools and as an itinerant, trying to dispel people’s fear of raptors and thus conserving them.  I was completely captivated by it all and we had quite a chat about Australian raptors and my adventure with falcons in Kazakhstan three years ago. Did you know that there are only two species of raptors that can’t be trained as hunters for falconry? – and one is the Aussie Wedge-tail.  It is too big and too strong and its talons would go straight through the gauntlets they use for other birds.  Some of his photos were simply spectacular and he showed a short video of a Peregrine with a miniature camera on its back clearing an industrial area where pigeons were creating a problem.  He had some great stories to tell – like the city with over a million pigeons that were costing the authorities a fortune cleaning up their mess and repairing their damage.  One falcon (I think it was his falcon) freed the city of every pigeon within a year, reducing the cost of cleaning and repairs to zero – but a nearby town now has an extra million pigeons to deal with and he thinks he might get a call to assist in moving them along too.  Who’d be a pigeon?

We have been avoiding people as much as possible today.  I have not been feeling well and neither of us feel very sociable at present, partly wanting to avoid the French people too I suspect.  Our plans to venture into Peru have taken a hit overnight due to the civil unrest closing airports and roads, but our fabulous travel agent seems to have booked us via an alternative route.  It is a fair bit more expensive, but I think a third insurance claim might be in the offing. After paying well over $50,000 for travel insurance in the past 3 years or so, maybe we are getting a small payback - but NIB might never insure us again!

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Rough Day

Summary: It should have been apparent to Hange by the weight gain and the sudden lack of red days. Somehow, Levi noticed it first.

Link to cross-postings: AO3 

Notes:  Thought about this idea because of the headcanon from @faerielleart‘s blog and had to get it written out. Just some fluff and domestication for our favorite pairing.

It felt like the war against Marley happened centuries ago.

Levi was sure though that it had only been two years since they had signed the peace treaty with Marley ending the war and the reign of the titans. He was present in the signing of the treaty after all.  

With the fall of the titans, the survey corps was declared redundant. The military shifted to defence against possible invasions by humans. There was no need for Paradis to rely on the soldier dubbed humanity’s strongest. Having seen enough war, bloodshed and loss to last a lifetime, Levi eventually decided to shift his focus towards more mundane things like entrepreneurship, marriage and maybe a family.

The only person he could have ever wanted to spend his whole life with had other dreams. The end of the war had opened up a new age for technological advancement and trade and the person heading it all was the former survey commander, Hange Zoe. The mad scientist could finally channel her genius and enthusiasm towards a new type of research to improve the lives of the people in Paradis.

Somehow, they managed to make it work.

There was no wedding, flowers, invitation or cake. There was just an unspoken agreement between them. They had originally lived in the same barracks and with the dissolution of the survey corps, it felt almost natural  to move to a small flat near the center of Paradis, of what used to be Wall Sina. Their daily life together began soon after they settled in. Hange was gone by 5am and back in their flat by 9pm all week. Levi found happiness in keeping the house clean, cooking and catching up on all the sleep he had lost the past forty years of his life. When he ran out of tasks to do in the house, he found himself doing research on different types of tea as knew shipments came in from different parts of the world and experimenting on different mixes in the kitchen.

The two were following their own dreams and had pursued different things and this left little to no time for Levi and Hange to process the relationship between them. They were both the only survivors of more than a decade of fighting what seemed like a hopeless war. That history was enough to forge an unbreakable bond between the two. When they were together, they made the most of it.  Nights together were intimate. Weekends together were comfortable. It was as if Levi and Hange were making up for all the comfort and happiness that they were deprived of the past decade.

The domestic lifestyle they have built together had also made Levi more familiar with the workings of a woman’s body. Levi grew up with his mother and was aware that women bled once a month. It was not something he occupied himself with in the barracks since it was the responsibility of the women to keep themselves clean. With Hange gone for 12 to 16 hours a day, it suddenly became Levi’s responsibility to clean blood off sheets and clothes on top of cleaning the house. The blood took hours to scrub off, even with the new chemicals and products coming into Paradis, it became the bane of Levi’s clean freak existence. That was until it stopped. Levi didn’t think too much of it at first. It meant one less job for him and Hange probably had a good explanation for it right?

A few months passed and Levi started to notice that Hange was getting chubbier. She was notably eating more, waking up later than she used to and coming home earlier. Levi didn’t complain. They were all welcome developments. It meant more time for the two of them and less blood to clean up.

“Sometimes, I just feel sick. Maybe I’m just working too hard.” Hange replied groggily when Levi prodded on these recent changes in their everyday schedule.

Levi raised one eyebrow. “Okay. Just don’t overwork yourself.” Like all days, Hange left for work while Levi went about his own chores for the day.

Those days, Levi found himself more invested as usual in his tea mixings. The diplomatic agreements gave rise to more and more new types of tea leaves and Levi was starting to get more creative and ambitious. He started to boil this new import called coffee beans with different types of tea leaves. The flowery aroma of some teas definitely did not mix with the bitterness of the coffee and as soon as Levi tasted them, he ended up setting them aside in the rejection pile.  

The price of the tea leaves and coffee beans though and the trauma of having to deal with the scarcity of this commodity years ago forever stuck to Levi though and the latter ended up lining them up on the kitchen table trying to find a way to consume while at the same time enjoy his failed concoctions.

Levi only had a few seconds to ponder the fate of the failed concoctions before Hange came in.

Maybe we could just eat out.  Levi remembered that he hadn’t prepared anything for dinner.

“Ahhh. Thank god you made some tea. Today was exhausting. I’ve been telling them to test that new contraption before...” Hange trailed off as she consumed the three cups of tea Levi had deemed failures in the leaf and bean mixing process. Her face quickly changed from pure exhaustion to excitement. “These are amazing Levi! Will you be selling these? Can you make more tomorrow?”

Levi stood frozen for a second, too surprised at how quickly Hange had consumed all three cups in front of them. “Sure.” He managed a nod as he gathered the three cups from the table and brought them to the sink. “About dinner…” Levi looked back only to find that Hange had retired to the bedroom. He at least had some time to wash the cups and cook dinner.

By the time he did cook dinner and call Hange from the room, the latter was dead asleep, sprawled all over the bed with no space for Levi to comfortably slip in. She was sleeping belly up and Levi only noticed that her belly was starting to form a small hill. She couldn’t be… Levi carefully placed his hand on her belly, only to be grabbed violently by the wrist.

“What the fuck Levi! I’m trying to sleep.” She pushed his wrist away and rolled to the side, her back facing him, falling asleep again almost instantly.

Levi held his aching wrist and walked back to the kitchen to clean out the rest of the tea cups he used in his mixing experiments, a little shaken by Hange’s reaction to his prodding. Maybe she just had a rough day.

                                            Rough Day    

Two months passed with no red days and a constantly drowsy and cranky Hange and Levi was sure that type of weight gain was not natural. All the weight had concentrated towards Hange’s belly and she was starting to have trouble walking.

“I really should watch what I’m eating. I’ve just been eating away my stress the past few weeks and people have been making fun of my weight gain, telling me to see a doctor. They’re even fucking asking me how many months in I am! I know I’ve been eating a lot but I’m really trying. Besides, I don’t even think we should be making jokes when we have to deal with the fact the port extension has to be opened next month to make way for new deliveries…”

Levi rested his chin on his hand and tuned out the fifth rant of Hange that week. He was 90% sure his theory was correct but Hange had not given him any opening to discuss it the past two months. How does he bring that up without pissing her off? More importantly, how the fuck does she not notice?

“Maybe you should take a break then?” Levi suggested half heartedly.

“What? Why? With so many things happening next month…. You can't expect me to…"

Levi once again tuned Hange out and focused instead on her belly. Hange was still trying to squeeze into her pants like she was fifteen pounds lighter and Levi was starting to worry about both of their bodies. "Maybe you should see a doctor?"

"Are you even listening to me? I was asking for your opinion on the new military gear!"

"So what I'm getting here is you don't have the time to see a doctor?"

                                             Rough Day

Levi took matters into his own hands.

His first stop was the doctor's office. He knew he couldn't bring Hange in for a consult but all he wanted was to at least confirm his suspicions. The doctor only had to explain the lack of red days for Levi to be completely sure that the four he had gotten from the two on two he had put together was the correct answer. The crankiness, the fatigue and the morning sickness were only secondary evidence to the lack of red days and the apparent weight gain.

"So she shouldn't be working anymore should she."

"I would recommend she takes a leave for the next 6 months at least."

Levi thought for a second. "Why don't you get that in writing…"

The next few steps after that were easy. Hange may be in a high position in Paradise but Levi still had contact with one of the few people who could make sure Hange didn't show up for work. The child-loving, good-natured Queen Historia did not need any more convincing.

"Oh, I guess it looks like you're trapped at home then. Maybe you should spend the next six months resting." Levi said, feigning surprise at the letter from the queen he himself brought home.

"Indefinite leave for the next six months? What the fuck Levi you can't expect me to just sit around? Why the hell would you do this? And work today was so eventful… I was excited to test out the new cargo carrier…"

"Other people can take over the work."

"But can they really oversee everything. There's a lot going on and this is a really important time… I don't have the time to be sitting around."

"Maybe if you just---"

Hange grabs the envelope from Levi's hand and scans through it. " Wait Levi what the fuck. This wasn't sent here there's no return address. YOU filed for my leave?"

Levi shrugged. "What if they just gave it to me to give to you?"

"All official documents have to be coursed through me Levi. How the fuck could you do this. There's so much to be done. Just thinking about everything which is gonna be waiting for me after 6 months. What if the others don't handle the work right? What if they mishandle the new carrier and we lose thousands worth of products? Are you considering this?" Hange roughly grabbed the letter from Levi, almost tearing it in the process. "I'm appealing this."

"You must be shitting me Hange. You really don't get it do you?"

"The office should still be open." Hange said, not looking back.

It has been years since Levi's last military training but he was relieved to know he still had the agility to outrun an angry (but pregnant) Hange to the door. He locked the door behind him from the inside. "You're not getting out of here shitty glasses."

"You don't let me out and I swear I'm gonna break down the door while you're sleeping."

"Then I won't sleep."

"I'll break out through the windows then!"  

Levi rushed to grab Hange from behind as soon as she turned her back. He was careful not to squeeze her swollen belly  "If this were any other day, I probably would have let you get away with whatever bullshit you wanna do but I'm not letting you jeopardize what could be our future child shitty four eyes"

"You're not making any good arguments here!" Hange continued to struggle. "Stop holding me back!" In frustration, Hange shifted her weight towards her back, utilizing her size advantage to push the smaller man behind her.

Levi fell to the floor and let out a grunt of pain. "How dense can you fucking be? You're six months pregnant you dumb shit."

[themainframes]

INTERVIEW 004.

SUBJECT: Cindy Moon, aka Silk. Currently 28. Korean American. Female. Duration in Pleasant Hill: two weeks. Resident Alias: Ruby Kim.

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT:

DRUMM: Jericho Drumm, consulting psychologist. S.H.I.E.L.D. guest badge #jdst169. I am in the S.H.I.E.L.D. triskellion along with telepath JEAN GREY, MARVEL GIRL. We will be interviewing subject 006, C. MOON, on the matter of Pleasant Hill after effects. Ms. Grey, can you please confirm you are ready to proceed?

GREY: I'm good, Jericho. Thanks. Ready, Cindy?

MOON: Um, yeah. All ready.

DRUMM: Great, thank you for being here. Have you noticed any changes in yourself since Pleasant Hill? We want to hear from you before we go over your charts.

MOON: Yeah. I mean, yes, I have.. My head feels all.. jumbled up? I don't know how to describe it.

GREY: Her mind is confused. Clouded. There’s a lot of info in there but not as many connections.

DRUMM: S.H.I.E.L.D. previously had on file you were seventeen. Current scans clock you closer to thirty. How old do you think you are?

MOON: Yes! I just, don't really know who I am anymore. Before Pleasant Hill I remember just getting out of my bunker. I was trying to figure out whether or not I was going to get a GED? But then suddenly I remember already having gone through most of high school. I played hockey. Wait, did you just say thirty?

DRUMM: 26-28, most likely. Dr. Susan Storm-Richards has your full scans and charts and will be completing an official analysis. Has anyone explained multiversal theory to you?

MOON: The idea that our universe isn't the only one, yeah. How I know that I'm not so sure.

DRUMM: Can someone call Wanda? I think we need an expert on the matter.

< break in transcript until Maximoff arrived >

MAXIMOFF: Wanda Maximoff, Scarlet Witch. I’m here at the request of Brother Voodoo. Cindy, have we met? If not, I’m Wanda.

MOON: We have met. But I'm sure you've been busy recently..

MAXIMOFF: Forgive me then. I’ve also been dealing with a few multiversal issues. I’m going to show you something. Are you comfortable with me using magic around you?

MOON: Go for it.

MAXIMOFF: What I’m showing you is the multiverse. The red is my magic. These gold dots of light are the people in our reality. There are far more than I can show you, so please keep that in mind. Here, look at this one. Gold once but blue now. That is you.

CINDY: So... Gold if gold means people in our reality then what does blue mean? I'm not me anymore?

< Maximoff twists her hand and the dots change to blue >

MAXIMOFF: This is Earth-616. All who reside there have the same aura. Yours aligns with it now.

MOON: 616... I'm sorry, I'm just having a hard time understanding this. Are you telling me that I'm still me, just from another reality?

MAXIMOFF: Earth-616 is a reality different than ours. I’ve realized lately I’m no longer from here either. We’re all falling apart from one another. I’m going to ask you a series of questions. Just tell me the first thing that comes into your mind, yes or no.

MOON: Okay, shoot..

MAXIMOFF: Saya Ishii.

MOON: Do I know her? Yes. Like her? No.

MAXIMOFF: Your job as a reporter.

MOON: The Fact Channel, yeah...

MAXIMOFF: Cindy, I’m sorry. Before Pleasant Hill, you didn’t work for the Fact Channel. It hasn’t been formed. Saya Ishii is fifteen currently. These memories originated in Earth-616.

CINDY: So... So what about my parents then? My... God, the Negative Zone. But no, those aren't my parents. My parents are still missing, I've been following leads. And Peter was supposed to help... Peter... Wanda, I'm- I'm sorry, this is a lot. I feel like my head's spinning. It's like there's two of me.

MAXIMOFF: I’m not from Earth-616 so I’m not sure about all of the details. If you want, I can study some. Peter Parker from your reality is here -- Earth 616, that is. I don’t want to cast a spell on you, Cindy, but Marvel Girl could help calm the two selves in you. Because there are two you’s but soon there will only be one.

GREY: Do you want me to telepathically soothe you? Call it a psychic Xanax.

MOON: Are they fighting for dominance or something?! Because that’s kind of freaking me out…

MAXIMOFF: You may want to take Jean up on her offer, Cindy. There’s no fight for dominance. This new reality is winning.

MOON: Psychic Xanax.. Right, that sounds nice.

GREY: You’re going to feel a little tickle. I’m not trying to hide my presence in your head.

MAXIMOFF: Ready to continue?

MOON: <long pause> Okay, okay yes..

MAXIMOFF: It’s like falling into a hole, in my experience. For some people, the floor drops out and they find themselves in the dark. That’s what happened to Yelena. For others, like yourself, it’s a slow slide. By the time you join them at the bottom you don’t remember what it was like at the top. Who you were. I have to observe it all, watch it. I see reality eating at people. But I can’t fix this.

MOON: How long does it take? Can… I can’t even say goodbye to my family..

MAXIMOFF: If you’d like, but they’re transitioning with you. Whatever is happening to you is bleeding onto them. This whole reality is destabilizing. 

MOON: You know, normally I’d probably spiral into a full on panic attack. But whatever Jean’s doing is really doing wonders. That only sounds slightly terrifying.

GREY: I don’t make a habit of it, but this and cutting off people’s pain receptors can be helpful. You have enough going on, you don’t need to be scared as well.

MAXIMOFF: I wish this was easier. When I realized what was happening to me I went to study the Darkhold. I have to leave myself notes in case I forget. I’m not sure when I’ll fully change.

MOON: <laughing> I should have you around more often, Ms. Grey. Or not miss, because we’re like the same age. Wow this all is so weird…

GREY: We are, aren’t we? My aging was weird too. I was dead for a long time and when I came back, I was like this. The right age. It’s disorienting. 

MOON: I’m sorry, that you died. That doesn’t sound fun.

GREY: Fun? Definitely not. But it all worked out. Sometimes it feels like the world is ending -- and it is. The best thing we can do is make sure we’re taking care of yourself. I’d be willing to work with you, Cindy, if you want on a telepathic level. Maybe we can get some memories sorted out, make the transition easier.

MOON: Taking care of myself just doesn’t feel natural if the world is ending. But you’re right. And I would like that, Jean. I’m kinda scared my heads gonna explode when this telepathy wears off.

GREY: Can we end this, Jericho? I think we got  what S.H.I.E.L.D. wants. Her memory no longer line up with this reality. If it’s okay, I’d like to go start working on telepathic exercises to calm down mental overstimulation.

DRUMM: I don’t see why not. Let’s end the assessment. Thank you, Silk.

< end transcript >

ANALYSIS & OBSERVATIONS

As completed by W. MAXIMOFF and S. STORM.

MAXIMOFF:

MAXIMOFF: Cindy Moon is another who has suffered a quick transition into a new version of herself. Before Pleasant Hill, Moon was almost eighteen years old and had just come out of a bunker after years of isolation. As it now stands, Moon is twenty-eight years old and seems to have originated from Earth-616. She has been out of the bunker for years and currently works at the Fact Channel, an establishment that hasn’t been created yet. She has memories of SAYA ISHII, a suspected criminal who is currently fifteen years old and not Cindy’s equal. It looks as if Moon has severed her ties from our reality and into Earth-13130. It will be a matter of weeks -- or even days -- before she completely transitioned. I believe Moon will be unharmed as it has been smooth so far, and her mental state upon its completion should be well adjusted. It is likely she will not remember the version of herself that existed in our reality at all.

< end transmission >

STORM:

STORM: The scans of Cindy Moon show a healthy woman of almost thirty years old. Her genetics have been altered by the bite of a radioactive spider. Her physiology is that of a woman who engages in moderate physical activity. From a physical standpoint, there are no complications.

< end transmission >

[theycallmebecca]

Drabble: Rainbow Bridge

I am a writer. I’ve been a writer since I was 12 years old and it’s helped me get through a lot of stuff. Happy moments. Sad moments. Painful moments.

It’s been a way for my to channel my emotions and sometimes to fully understand them. And while we are all unique individuals, there aren’t many things we go through in life that there isn’t someone else who has gone through it, too. Or will go through it.

My stories may have a spin of the fantasy by including a celebrity and being published as fan fiction, but that doesn’t change the fact that the emotions are real.

This drabble is about comfort following the loss of a pet. Something that happened to me today (or yesterday, depending on when this gets posted). This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me, but it was the most sudden on a still young and otherwise healthy cat.

It’s been a very emotional day for me and my family, and it’s only now that I feel strong enough to write this drabble. In fact, until about 15 minutes ago, I hadn’t planned to write a drabble about it period.

But this morning, my friend @alievans007 told me she’d write me a Chris Evans comfort story if she found the time. But in the irony of 2020, it’s me writing this comfort story for both of us because her family’s cat passed away today, too. So this story is dedicated to Marley and Murray.

Title: Rainbow Bridge

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Rating: PG

Warnings: aftermath of losing a pet

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Chris had been on a conference call when you’d received the bad news from home. Your family’s beloved cat had been hit by a car and they’d made the tough decision to put her down due to her injuries.

You had cried on the phone as you listened to the awful timeline of events, but in the end you’d known it had been the right decision.

With Chris still on his call, you sought out the one other thing that could give you comfort. Dodger.

He was laying on his bed like a good boy, still resting and recovering from his recent surgery.

As you came to him, he lifted his head and let out a small whimper, as if he could feel the pain in your heart.

You sank to the floor next to his bed and he scooted himself closer to you. That soft whimper still coming from him as first his front paws and then his head touched you.

Reaching over, you wrapped you arms around his neck and cried as you hugged him.

That’s how Chris found you, a few minutes later.

“I saw the text,” he said as he sank to the ground next to you. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of pulling you away from Dodger, Chris just rubbed your back. He’d lost a pet before and knew that there really wasn’t anything anyone could do to ease the hurt.

As the three of you sat there, however, a poem came to him. He unlocked his phone and searched for “rainbow bridge.”

Finding what he was looking for, he started to read it aloud:

“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.”

You and Dodger both raised your heads to look at him as he continued.

“When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.”

Chris gave you a small smile as he paused to take a breath.

“All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.”

You took a shaky breath as the poem shifted and Dodger nuzzled your hand with his snout. Reminding you that while you’ve lost one pet, you still have one that loves you.

“They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.”

Chris stopped reading as son escaped your lips.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought it might help.”

“It is,” you assured him as tears run down your cheeks. “Finish it, please.”

Chris studied your face for a second before he gave in to your request and returned to reading the poem.

“You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.”

“Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together,” you finished for him in a soft whisper. You’d known about the poem, too.

After setting his phone down, Chris wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly while Dodger rested a paw on your leg.

You were going to miss your cat, especially the next time you and Chris visited your family, but it was a little bit easier to handle with Chris and Dodger by your side.

Author’s note: The Rainbow Bridge is a real poem that, according to the website I got this text from, was written by an unknown person. But it is an amazing poem that expresses all the hurt surrounding the loss of a pet.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[floofiestboy]

Senyuu AU Masterpost

I asked if I should do this on Twitter but Twitter is trash for big posts like this so I’m posting it on Tumblr. 

I’m calling this an AU masterpost but I’m including canon alternate versions of characters too. I’m writing this assuming you don’t know anything past S4, but it will contain spoilers for F5 and the Haruhara Robinson Channel content.

Since the majority of these AUs are entirely fan-based with only the slightest bit of official content, I’ll also discuss common fanwork concepts, including things like special ship names for particular AUs.

Table of Contents

Common AUs

Web

SQ

High School

Magical Girl Alfo-chan

Visual kei

2P

Less Common AUs

High School Detectives/Police

Himura + Yami

Rosicks + Hialba

Sheepba

Wild West

Obscure AUs/Outfit Changes

Feral Ros + Adventurer Alba

Formal Wear

Karaoke

Kindergarten

Saeki-san

Scientist Ros

University

Urashima Tarou

Vampire Ros

Wedding

Canon-Adjacent AUs/Canon Alternate Characters

Albatross 

Boss + Sleepiez

Creasion + Maoruba

Elf’s Universe (”0verse”)

Meta Ros

This got super-long so I highly suggest using CTRL/CMD+F to jump to just the ones you’re interested in!

Common AUs

All the AUs in this category are universes you see everywhere in fan content, regardless of how much official content there is for it. 

Web

Alright, this isn't an "AU", but including it for completion's sake. This is the main canon, the original Alba and Ros from the original webcomic. The anime and the Main Quest manga can be considered to be equivalent to the web-verse.

Official Japanese | English Scanlations 

SQ

(Image from Jump SQ’s website.)

SQ is an “official” Senyuu AU - it’s basically Senyuu if Alba and Ros kept their Season 1 dynamic forever and nothing really bad ever happened. Haruhara has said a number of times that an important thing about SQ is that everything sad has gone poof, which is why he decides against giving a sad dramatic reason why Ros’ name went from Sion to Ros in SQ-verse. Other notable changes in SQ include Januar being human, Elf being a demon, and Foyfoy being cute and shy.

Senyuu SQ originally ran in the Jump SQ magazine for thirty chapters (Official Japanese | English Scanlations), named as such because of the magazine it ran in. More recently, Haruhara began releasing SQ Senyuu! on his channel, where the SQ stands for Super Quality and definitely not anything copyrighted (Official Japanese | English Scanlations.) The chapters released on his channel were sometimes in draft form, so he additionally inked some and released it in doujinshi form (Official Japanese | English Scanlations), along with a doujinshi-exclusive chapter.

Senyuu SQ Alba (seen above) looks identical to Web S1 Alba. SQ Senyuu! Alba (seen below) looks like Web S2 Alba but short and without the Red Fox scarf. SQ Ros doesn’t change appearances between Senyuu SQ and SQ Senyuu! He has the Web S1 Ros hairstyle, but lacks his armour and sword - his bat is his most defining feature.

High School

There’s actually two different high school AUs:

SQ Academy: There’s three omake chapters in SQ Senyuu where everyone is in high school - see here and here, in volumes 1 and 2 respectively. In the SQ High School AU, Ros, Alba, Hime-chan, Foyfoy, Januar, and Rudolf are students, while Rchi is a teacher. Alba is the president of an unnamed club with Ros as a club member. 

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

Soccer Club Drama CD: This drama CD was released with one of the MQ volumes. You can only buy the original Japanese on auction sites now, but you can listen to the audio and read a translated transcript here! This AU features only Ros, Alba, and Crea, who are all part of the same soccer club. Alba is the club president.

In both AUs, Ros calls Alba “Prez”. The canon content for both AUs is rather sparse, so the Prez thing is usually the only thing that’s retained in most fanworks. Reincarnation stories are pretty popular in fanworks, but there’s no hints or implications in either official High School AU that it’s connected to SQ or Web canons. Usually people use the Drama CD designs (probably because they don’t want to draw Ros with S1 hair.) Sometimes they use the SQ Academy designs at the start, then change to the Drama CD designs in second-year or something.

There’s also the Senyuu Light Music Club from one of the web omakes, which features Crea and Elf. I haven’t seen any works incorporate it though.

Japanese terminology glossary

High School AU: 学パロ - Gakuparo

Prez:  部長 - Buchou

---

Magical Girl Alfo-chan

This is the mahou shoujo parody of Senyuu, featuring Alba as a girl - Alfo-chan - and Ros as a cat - Roll.

(Image no longer available online.)

Roll is usually made into a cute catboy that can transform into a cat, because I mean, why wouldn’t you. And also presumably people want a Roll they can ship with Alfo-chan. For some reason there’s also a lot of works that ship Alfo-chan with Creasion, though I’m not sure where it came from.

The “official title” of this parody is actually Magical Princess Alfo-chan, not Magic Girl Alfo-chan, and most fanworks on pixiv are found under this name.

Japanese terminology glossary

Magical Princess Alfo-chan: マジカルプルンセスアルフォちゃん

Alfo: アルフォちゃん

Roll: ロール

Alfo/Creasion: アシルフォ - Ashirufo

Alfo/Roll: ロルアル - Roruaru

---

Visual kei 

Visual kei is a music genre - you can read about it here. This AU started because Haruhara drew a pic of Alba and Ros in visual-kei-like outfits, and then it all spiraled from there. There’s three images that fuel this entire AU:

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter. Note that you can find a higher quality scan of this art if you download this artbook scan here.)

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

(Image no longer available online.)

The Alba and Ros in the first image were dubbed Visual-ba and Visual-ros, the Ros in the second image “Roppongi” (because his t-shirt says “Roppongi Hills”, and the Alba in the last image “Kuroba” (because Kuro means black and he’s black-haired.) Why were the bottom two images lumped in with the first? That’s a mystery that may never be solved.

There’s two common variations of the AU in fanworks. 

The first is where Kuroba + Visual-ba and Roppongi + Visual-ros are two pairs of brothers, and typically the pairings go Kuroba/Visual-ros and Roppongi/Visual-ba. In this variation, Visual-ba basically always gets to be Alba, while Roppongi and Visual-ros often take the names Ros and Sion respectively. 

The second common variation is where Kuroba and Roppongi are just the civilian identities of Visual-ba and Visual-ros, which doesn’t have a pithy shipname in Japanese.

With regards to their visual kei identities, I’ve also usually seen two main variations - either Alba and Ros are currently in a singing group together, or Ros used to be a famous singer and Alba is currently trying to get famous under his tutelage. 

Haruhara has also recently posted a glow-up pic of Visual-ba, bringing the grand total of official art in this AU to... four.

Japanese terminology glossary

Visual kei: ビジュアル系 - vijyuaru kei  (Note that while technically ヴィジュアル is the correct term in Japanese, in the Senyuu fandom, ビジュアル is used for everything, probably because it’s easier to type and say.)

Visual-ba: ビジュアル - bijyuaru

Visual-ros: ビジュロス - bijyurosu

Roppongi: 六本木 

Kuroba: 黒髪アルバ - Kurokami Alba (lit. Black-Haired Alba) --> クロバ

Kuroba/Visual-ros: ジュロ黒 - jyurokuro or 黒ジュロ - kurojyuro

Roppongi/Visual-ba: 六ビジュ - rokubijyu or ビジュ六 - bijyuroku

Visual-ros/Visual-ba:  ビジュロスアル - bijyurosuaru, 派生ロスアル - haseirosuaru

---

2P

“2P” is used in many fandoms to refer to alternate character designs that are often associated with different personalities as well. In Senyuu, the official 2P designs are all alternate colourings:

(Image from Haruhara’s pixiv.)

(Image from one of Haruhara’s artbooks which doesn’t seem to have an online scan, sorry for the bad quality.)

Likely because the bottom two are only available in an artbook, I haven’t seen many fanworks with them. 2P AUs tend to be only 2P Alba and Ros, with some occasional 2P Rchimedes or 2P Crea (who’s typically drawn as 2P Rchimedes with short hair.) 2P Ros is usually drawn with blue eyes, presumably to match with his red Mana Maker. 2P Rchi is also common enough - she tends to be drawn with a blue and black scheme, to contrast with her canon pink and white scheme (example). 

2P Alba and Ros have varying personalities in fanworks, but the one consistency seems to be that their personalities are nothing like canon. 2P Ros tends to be the silent serious type or a yandere. 2P Alba tends to be an innocent happy boy or a yandere. You may be seeing a pattern here.

Note also that 2P Ros is usually referred to as 2P Creasion, for obvious reasons.

Japanese terminology glossary

2P Alba/2P Ros: 2Pアシアル - 2P ashiaru or 2Pアルアシ - 2P aruashi. Both are sometimes shortened by removing the “2P”.

Less Common AUs

These AUs aren’t seen quite as much as the juggernauts above, but you’ve probably still seen them around occasionally.

High School Detectives/Police

There’s a few different detective-related fanworks floating out there, based on one of the three official chapters: Detective Ros in Senyuu SQ, Senyuu Police from the webcomic, and High School Detective Teufel in Main Quest Vol. 6, which hasn’t been scanlated yet (runs):

I haven’t seen too much art of High School Detective Teufel, but I’ve seen a couple fics and art out there for both Senyuu Police and Detective Ros, mostly Senyuu Police.

Himura + Yami

(Image from Haruhara’s Skeb.)

This isn’t really a Senyuu AU, but it shows up enough to include it here. Himura and Yami are two characters that Haruhara drew - you can see this original picture of them on page 12 of the artbook here. Himura is the redhead - at first, he meant to draw Alba, but he decided in the end it wasn’t Alba anymore and renamed the file to “Himura,psd.” Yami is just a fan-name - he’s only referred to as “the boy that shouldn’t be seen” in the artbook. Himura and Yami eventually appear in Gakumon! with the names Rahimu and Damia respectively.

Senyuu fanworks that include them usually have Himura being an Alba that fell into despair after Ros’ disappearance, while Yami is a physical manifestation of his despair.

Japanese terminology glossary

Himura-kun: 火村くん

Himura-kun/Yami: やみひむ

---

Rosicks + Hialba

This is yet another AU that was born from a mere two pieces of official art:

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

(Image from Haruhara Robinson channel.)

The first picture is entitled “Soldier Rosicks” - Haruhara posted it saying it was a Ros beta design. The second picture is an scrapped Alba design for web season 2. Hialba was originally revealed on the NicoNico channel Hiaruron that Haruhara shares with a couple other artists, and so he got the name “Hiaruba” --> Hialba from the channel name.

Fanworks typically have Hialba as dead inside and sad because of Ros’ disappearance, and Rosicks as a gruff irritable guy who isn’t Ros and doesn’t like being compared to him. Cue angst because Hialba sees Rosicks as just Ros, etc.

Japanese terminology glossary

Hialba: ひあるば

Rosicks/Hialba: ロシひあ - Roshihia

---

Sheepba

Sheepba originates from a New Year’s illustration Haruhara made for the year of the sheep:

(Image from Haruhara’s pixiv.)

While Haruhara has done this for multiple years - there’s illustrations of Alba as a dog, a rat, etc. - Sheepba in particular became particularly popular. Why? Is it the floofy body? The innocent expression? Nay. I say there’s but one reason for Sheepba’s popularity in comparison to other Chinese Zodiac/Alba hybrids-

Haruhara has produced a crapton of Sheepba merch over the years.

I believe he’s made coloured sheep versions of other characters too for merch, but I unfortunately wasn’t able to find any of them. I was, however, able to find outlined drawings of them:

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

Enjoy this flock of Senyuu sheep. And be prepared to see some uh... questionable things if you choose to browse the ひつじるば - Hitsujiba tag.

Wild West

This AU comes from the Wild West parody in this chapter. The fanworks I’ve seen tend to have Ros be some dangerous outlaw with a huge bounty.

Obscure AUs/Outfit Changes

These AUs tend to be only used as outfit changes, or aren’t seen often at all.

Feral Ros + Adventurer Alba

Basically a Tarzan AU. Based on this Haruhara Channel comic: Official Japanese | English Scanlation.

Formal Wear

You may sometimes see Alba and Ros wearing suits. There’s two pieces of art this originates from:

(Image from Haruahara’s twitter.)

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

There’s also a corresponding Ros-in-suit-with-striped-shirt photo that you can see in the artbook here.

Karaoke

You may have seen characters dressed up as what seemed like waiter outfits. That may have come from the Senyuu Karaoke collaboration that happened around when the anime aired:

(Image from collaboration website.)

Kindergarten

This comes from the recent Haruhara Robinson channel comics - Senyuu Kindergarten Story #1 and Story #2.

It features Alba and Rchi as kindergarten teachers to the rest of the Senyuu cast.

Saeki-san

Haruhara was the writer for a manga called Dignified Asleep Saeki-san (Official Japanese | English Scanlations), which was a romcom that featured a girl called Saeki determined to sleep in class, and a boy called Tokimiya who sits next to her. 

When the manga began serialization, Haruhara drew a parody sketch of the manga where Ros is Tokimiya and Alba is Saeki.

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

Scientist Ros

You may have seen art of Ros wearing the glasses + lab coat combo from when he made the Mana Maker in season 3:

Or from when Alba had his... questionable body measurement exam in Senyuu+:

Or when they both wore glasses in the Haruhara Robinson Channel doujinshi Crea-kun Has Cheerfully Fallen to the Dark Side:

University

A while back, Haruhara drew a picture of Alba and Ros in the winter wearing coats:

(Image from Haruhara’s pixiv.)

A little more recently, he was commission to redraw the image:

(Image from Haruhara’s pixiv.)

Fanworks that use Alba and Ros in these outfits often treat them as university AUs (and usually have them on a date.)

Urashima Tarou

Urashima Tarou is an old Japanese fairytale which Haruhara used as the setting for one of his omake segments. If you’ve seen turtle Alba:

Or Ros in old-timey fishing clothes:

That’s where it’s from.

Vampire Ros

The typical Vampire Ros design comes from an SQ chapter where Alba and Ros disguise themselves as demons after chasing Elf into the demon world.

Alba is usually either a werewolf (presumably because werewolves and vampires are a common pair) or some hapless human that Ros sucks blood from. 

Wedding

(Image from Haruhara’s twitter.)

Haruhara drew this when he was getting married(?) because it apparently felt less embarrassing to draw his protagonist getting married than to draw him and his wife. 

Fans promptly used the outfit to marry Alba off to Ros, likely galvanized by the Mana Maker + Hero Symbol combo on Alba’s head.

Canon Adjacent AUs/Canon Alternate Characters

Moved to an overflow post here because this one got big enough that Tumblr stopped saving my post.

[lovemesomesurveys]

[143running]

What do you waste your time doing the most? I’ve wasted so much time these past few years doing absolutely nothing. :/

Have you ever been backstabbed? If so, what for? Honestly, nothing major comes to mind.

If you could be anything, what would you be? A healthy, functioning, happy person.

If you could be any TV show character, who would you choose to be? Hm, I don’t know.

If you switched genders for one day, what would you do? The same things just as another gender.

What power would you choose to have if you were superhuman? Time travel would be cool.

What stereotype/clique would you say you are more like? Loser, freak, loner, nerd, etc. <<< We can be in a clique together.

How do you handle being under pressure? Not well.

What does your phone cover look like? It’s clear and has Winnie the Pooh sitting inside a big “hunny” jar underneath a beehive that’s hanging off a branch and a few little bees flying around him on it. It’s cute.

Have you ever done anything illegal? If so, what was it? Downloading music and stuff like that. Big rebel.

What is the perfect weather to you? Fall and winter weather.

If you were a stripper, what would your stage name be? I don’t know.

What is your favorite holiday, why? I just love everything about Christmastime.

What is your least favorite bug? Um, I don’t like ANY bug.

What is your favorite thing in the opposite sex? Hmm.

What is your biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life...

What is something your looking forward to? Nothing at the moment.

If you could live on any planet, which one would you choose? Earth works for me.

What is your favorite junk food? Chips and dip, ramen, sweets.

If you could have any animal as a pet, which one would you choose? I like having a doggo. 

What is your favorite time of the day? When I have my first cup of coffee and late at night when I do my nightly routine of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR.

What name do you wish you had? I’m fine with my name.

What would your dream home be like? A beach house for sure.

What is your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Where is your favorite place to be? In bed, at the beach, Disneyland.

What is your favorite fruit? Bananas. 

What is something you’re embarrassed about? My appearance and who I’ve become these past few years. Just myself in general, really.

What is one thing you’d like to be the best at? I don’t need to be the best, I’d just like to be skilled at something useful at least.

Ever been on Chatroulette? (; Yeah.

What is the song that you know every single word to? There’s several. 

Most painful memory? Losing my grandparents and my dog, Brandie are definitely at the top. 

If you could be anywhere, where would you be? I’m good being in bed right now.

What is your favorite place in the whole wide world? The places I listed before.

A word that to you is impossible to spell? Onomatopoeia is always a hard one to remember. <<< For me too and I don’t know why.

What’s something that you collect? Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks.

Listener or Talker? Listener.

Thing you hate the most about the opposite sex? I don’t group or generalize like that. There’s things I don’t like that people of any gender might do. 

Could have anything you wanted right now, what would you have? To feel better.

Scariest movie you’ve ever seen? Hmm.

What is the most awkward moment you’ve been in? My life.

A memory you’ll never forget? Many good memories with my grandparents who have passed away.

One of your quirks? Constantly picking/biting my lips.

What type of phone do you have? An iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Favorite quote or saying? I have several.

Something you wanna do before you die? Live, I guess seems like the acceptable answer. <<<

What is a habit of yours? I check the time a lot. Look around you.. What is the thing you like the most around you? My adorable little Baby Yoda plushie next to me on my bed.

Favorite possession? I love all my stuff.

Favorite shirt? All my graphic tees.

Something you own that means a great deal to you? The things I own are important to me.

What is the name of your best friend? Yolanda.

What is your favorite shoes? My Adidas.

Least favorite singer? Hmm.

Something you love and hate at the same time? I’m blanking.

Are you one of those people who don’t like to admit when their wrong? No, I’m quick to admit I’m wrong and blame myself for everything.

Girls who try to much are annoying.. Aren’t they? Anyone who tries too hard can be annoying.

What color makes you relax? A color doesn’t make me relax.

Are you an awkward type of person? Yep, that’s me.

Is it hard for you to make friends? Yes, but also I don’t really try either.

How would you like to leave this earth? Painlessly.

What do you find stupid but most people like? I’ll never understand why Crocs became trendy and then to make it wore they started making accessories for them and I’m just like wtf??

What is a hobby you have? Doing surveys.

What’s your plans for next weekend? Nothing. Have any big dreams? What are they? No. :/

Restaurant that is horrible. Hm.

Have a fetish for anything? No.

Do you like long or short surveys? I like long surveys.

What age did you stop playing with dolls or action figures? Around 11.

Do you think your more mature then most of yours friends? I don’t have any friends.

Like labels? For some things they’re useful.

Does your school have cliques? --

Do you enjoy running? No.

Something that you are horrible at but wish you were good at. I wish I had some artistic ability.

A sport you think is dumb? I’m not into any sport.

What is your favorite food? Ramen, breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy with scrambled eggs, boneless wings, chicken tenders, pizza, chicken quesadillas, pasta salads, sandwiches, sweets, chips, spaghetti and meatballs...

Ever think about what it would be like to be someone else? Yes.

Night owl or Early Bird? Both since I’m usually still up early in the morning. Lately, though, I’ll doze off for a little while and wake up early.

What celebrity would you not mind meeting? I certainly wouldn’t mind meeting Alexander Skarsgard. ;)

What’s your favorite TV channel? TV Land, CMT, The Hallmark Channel, MTV.

Have texting? Yeah.

You have 3 wishes. What are they? Good health, financial stability, and... more wishes. ha.

What did you first think about when you woke up? I haven’t gone to bed, yet.

What’s the last thing you thought about before you went to sleep? ^^^

Something you would change about this planet. Can be anything. Make it more clean. <<<

What do you want to be when you grow up? Or what are you? I’m nothing.

Like cartoons? Which one is your favorite? Some of them - I miss Doug, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, As Told By Ginger... <<< Check out Paramount+ if you can! Also, I like those as well. Plus, Winnie the Pooh the animated series and Arthur are two I watched recently and still like I don’t care how old I am. I really wish some streaming service would add Braceface.

Do you watch what you eat? Nope.

Have a favorite number? What is it? 8, because I like the way that it’s shaped. <<< Yeah, it’s been my favorite since I was a kid.

Are you quiet or loud? I’m a quiet person.

Were you an annoying baby? That’s not what I’ve been told.

Worst subject? Math was always my worst subject.

Best subject? English.

What’s your favorite brand of shoe? Adidas. 

What’s your favorite month? Why? October-December. I love the holidays and the weather.

Favorite season? Fall and winter.

Least favorite holiday? Hmm.

Do you try new foods or do you stick with what you know you like? These past few weeks I started eating more than just the same few things I had been eating for the past few years. Not new foods necessarily, though there has been some of that, but revisiting some foods I used to eat and seeing if I can eat them or not now. It’s been a good experience so far. I have to really try and put on weight and get my health and strength back up, so that’s what began this whole thing.

Love pictures or hate them? I love pictures. Not of myself, but other things.

Have you ever thought about going to Fiji? I wouldn’t be opposed.

What’s your favorite movie character? I have many.

Have any nicknames? What are they? Sis is my most common.

Who do you miss? Loved ones who have passed away. <<<

Someone have your heart? Someone of your heart but doesn’t know? Just me.

Have any sports you love? What are they? Nope.

Do you keep to yourself or are you out there? I very much keep to myself.

What’s your outlook on life? Not good. :/

Have any moments that took your breath away? Yeah.

What is the prettiest object/person/landscape/anything that you have seen? I like beach scenes and woodland scenes. Waterfalls are also nice, or mountains/hills. <<< Yesss.

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? My emotions have definitely taken control over me and I can’t hide them.

What’s your style? Very casual and comfy.

Did you like this survey? Cause I might make more! Sure.

[georgemackayhey]

Silver Lining: Chapter 5

In which you and George decide to make the most of life after meeting up at the wrong place at just the right time…

w/c: 6k

a/n: Welcome to the end! This has been such a fun story to tell. I hope you've all enjoyed it! I'm so beyond grateful for all the nice comments and reblogs and asks. I've got blurbs and another series in the works, but please feel free to come talk about this one! I'm just not ready to say goodbye to these characters! ♡

taglist: @etherealallure​ @maria-josefin​ @shelbygirlsclubx​ @loulouloueh​ @clarkewithameme​ @haileymorelikestupid​ @weyheyavengers​ @queen-bunnyears​

<Last Chapter Masterlist>

───※ ·❆· ※───

George was happily occupied, his silhouette comfy on the small balcony, the sun highlighting the pages of the book in his hands. You quietly tiptoed to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light, letting the glow from the window be enough while you filled up the tub and eased into the warm bath.

You felt bad, but it wasn't from the hangover.

You felt bad for ruining Aureos night. You even felt bad as you formed some sorry text, asking the guy for another hang to make up for the last one you forced to an early end.

But you felt worst of all for dragging George through the aftermath of your shitty breakup.

When this was all over, he'd go back home, back to whatever movie set or red carpet he had lined up next. And his acquaintance would be fondly remembered as a balm to your heartache. But as you tried to outrun the anguish of being cheated on, a different worry seemed to take over your world.

Now you feared you'd never get to that place again. That you'd never get to plan a future with someone. You were terrified of how badly you wanted a future, and how badly you'd miss George, no matter what happened next.

When all your worries threatened to drown you, you hurried to get cleaned up, determined to make the most of the last few days in Spain.

When you rushed out of the bathroom to find George, he was right where you remembered him to be earlier.

He gazed up at you with a hint of worry in his eye, probably because of your sudden breathless appearance in the open doorway of the balcony.

"What do you want to do today?" You asked.

"Don't we have something-"

"No, what do you want to do?" You stressed. You didn't care what you had all planned out. Nothing ever seemed to go according to your plans, anyway.

And after a little bit more convincing, you got George to lead the way. You didn't even ask where you were going. While you strolled into the city, you wondered if George even had a plan. He walked slowly and shared easy conversation. And every now and again, he'd turn an odd corner or look up and around like he'd just realized where he was.

Eventually, you ended up in a park, or a garden, or some kind of nature trail you hadn't been paying much attention. You stepped over fallen branches, swept your hand over a row of flowers as you passed, but kept your undivided attention on George as he spoke. Though the weather was perfect and the sights were new and exciting, you couldn't look away from the man at your side. You could come back to Barcelona any old time, but you hated to accept your days with George were numbered.

You wound up against the trunk of a tree, watching families and hikers stroll past while the sun shone down in spots through the treetops. You could see the trail winding down a rolling hill, and the pepperings of the city and its buildings start to pop up on the horizon. And while you accounted for your surroundings you soaked up George's voice, and listened to the things he said as if he might be gone when you woke up tomorrow.

And then you talked, and George listened, looking at you like he did. Like he'd looked at all the paintings at the Vatican. Like he really wanted to know what you were about. You tried to ignore how sad his gaze made you feel, and appreciated that you'd made such a valuable connection before all of this inevitably ended back at your hometown airport.

You brushed a fallen leaf from George's shoulder, and he grinned at you in a way that made you retract back; spooked by how you recognized the expression, how familiar sitting with him had become.

George asked if you were okay, and you quickly thought to blame your nervous demeanor for how poorly you felt about last night. How things ended with Aureo, and how you'd texted him early this morning in hopes that he'd give you a second chance.

"He texted me back, an hour ago. So I'll have to meet up with him later." You rambled, avoiding George's burning gaze.

"If you feel like you have to... then don't. But if you want..."

"Yeah. I want." You decide through a sigh, pulling your phone into view, punching out a response to Aureo that let him know our plans were on.

George remained quietly glancing toward the city on the horizon, listening to families laugh together as they drifted passed. When you finished your text, you stood to your feet to make the most of the rest of your time with George.

"Come on let's go get gelato." You extended a hand to help him up from against the tree. George smiled up at you, an expression that wasn't hard to understand. You laughed together all the way back down the trail, and into the city.

When you go there, people of all kinds were buzzing about, setting up makeshift markets and dancing to music crackling from speakers above shop windows.

George lost himself to a conversation with a street vendor about a row of old records they were selling. You left him there to cross the cobblestone with your eye on a food truck. You ordered gelato as you promised, guessing what to order for George based on your late-night debates on what the best ice cream flavors were.

You handed your card to the man behind the window, while you let the wind blow your hair back, soaking up the bright smiles on every passerby's face.

"I'm sorry, miss, this card, it's being declined." The vendor frowned as if it were his fault. He opted to try again before you had the chance to apologize yourself and suggest the same thing.

It was the only card you had, and you'd made sure it was more than equipped to handle your big trip. But alas, the vendor handed it back with a long face and you had to shell out some of the last euros you had on hand.

You reported back to George with gelato, breezed over your predicament, and moved on to giggling over a story George told about an ice cream truck-related injury. He informed you'd gotten his order perfectly right, it was a flavor he'd never pick on his own but ended up loving. All the while you ended up strolling back toward your hotel, but opted not to head in just yet. The wind had picked up a bit, and most of the beachgoers outside your resort had called it a day.

You walked along the in coming tide with George, stopping every few feet to pick up a shell or look out to the ocean as it roared in time with the wind. And for as much conversation as you'd been having, the two of you never ran out of topics to ramble over. You laughed and listened and talked about things you'd forgotten about, things you always wondered.

All topics except one. George looked at you with those eyes bluer than the ocean, something unspoken behind his gaze. At first, you thought you'd understood that look. But it'd morphed into something so complex that you couldn't figure out what the look was supposed to mean. All you knew was that every time he cast you that one certain gaze, you felt right at home. You'd gotten used to it. You expected it. You anticipated that look and feared for the day you'd never see it again.

You sent George to collect your shoes from the place you hid them under a pier, when your phone buzzed in your pocket. You stayed lingering near a bed of grass, hoping after you'd taken a beat to acknowledge all the notifications coming in, that you could go about the rest of your day.

They were all from your bank. A pit opened in your stomach when you scrolled through all your recent transactions, none of them made by you. All of them from the resort you were meant to stay at all along.

Colin had maxed out your card on room service and bar drinks and expensive film channels and God knows what else.

Before you could call your bank, you dialed in Colin's number.

"Why would you do this?" You begged to know after he greeted your call like he'd been expecting to hear from you.

Colin started in on calling you names and boasting about how his payback seemed to work. He was trying to get back at you for leaving all the canceled wedding costs in his lap. But he cheated on you. He ruined all of this. Yet, he couldn't seem to stop making your life hell. You shouted at him, begging for a truce. Pleading for your interactions to be over, to never see a trace of him again.

That's when you spotted George trekking through the sand with his of pair shoes and yours in either of his hands.

Colin made life hard and maybe he always would. George made life easy, and you were really scared that he wouldn't be around to help you see the bright side for much longer. You always figured you'd fly home and go your separate ways. But now that same thought made you want to cry.

You ended your phone call with Colin in a huff, scrambling to find every bit of composure as George approached you, wearing a look that seemed to ask what the matter was.

"God, this is so stupid." You warned, glancing up to George as he stood, ready to listen.

"Colin maxed out my bank account. Luckily our tickets home are already paid for." You let out a laugh but none of this was funny. "And it's nearly five. I promised Aureo I'd meet him round six. So I better go pull myself together."

You sucked in a breath and turned to do just that. George looked at you like there were too many things he wanted to say, but couldn't choose one from the other, so he just followed along.

___

You got ready with time to spare, putting on your best outfit, fixing your hair just right. For some reason, this date felt paramount. Like making things right with Aureo was going to help everything else fall in place, bring some kind of balance.

As you collected your bag and started to slowly make your leave, George seemed to be waiting for you in the kitchen, standing a little straighter from his slump against the counter when he noticed you enter. George looked at you with an honest open expression, stitched with a hint of worry. No, not worry, something more complex. A disgruntled, melancholic gaze you couldn't quite place. But then he just said,

"I hope you have a good time."  

And it sounded like he really meant it.

"Me too." You whispered, spinning to leave. That same sinking feeling swallowed you as you marched down the hall away from George. You knew it was because you didn't really want to leave him. But you promised Aureo a good time and damn it, you needed one too.

___

Aureo was confident. He spoke like he was wishing for the things he wanted, demanding they come to life before his eyes. He wanted more. You didn't blame him for dreaming big. Everyone had their ambitions.

Aureo was beautiful, and he must have known it, with the way he flaunted his outfit, rambling about how green and grey were his best colors. You admired the way his emerald eyes bore into yours, undeniably drinking in the sight of you.

After a small introduction to the lower level of his home, you ventured to the back garden. You turned down a smoke, but leaned against the brink of his veranda while he puffed a cigarette, pointing out all the fresh veggies in the small garden he grew, like a proud parent.

And then he led you back inside, his hand traveling to the small of your back as you stepped into his cool home. You settled onto an elegantly patterned sofa as Aureo poured you both a tumbler of dark liquor before joining your side.

You kept hold of the glass in your lap, sickened even by the thought of drinking. Thank God Aureo was too busy talking to notice your disregard for the beverage. He asked your own answers too, watching your lips as you spoke. And before too long, he leaned in for a kiss.

You knew it was inevitable. You knew this was why you'd come here. So you let him kiss you, and you kissed him back, hoping the more desperately you gave in to his advances, that you would feel something. But you didn't feel what you were supposed to when kissing someone. You weren't expecting fireworks. But a warm buzz would have been nice. To make matters worse, no; to make matters absolutely inadequate, you couldn't stop thinking of George.

Had he gone out? What was he thinking? What would he say when you got back? What if he kissed you like this?

"Wait." You breathed, sitting back.

"Are you alright?" Aureo asked, watching you lean way from him.

"Actually..." You bit your lip, glancing around the well-decorated room. You realizing you couldn't stay here. When you looked back to Aureo, he actually looked sad. Not just disappointed. Actually sad. You slumped forward, searching his eyes when he brought a gentle hand to your face.

"I'm so sorry." You meant, hoping he knew you did. "But I... I think I'd better go."

Aureo took a beat to wait for you to explain why, or say anything else at all. But you didn't. You couldn't.

"Okay." He nodded acceptingly, nudging you to stand with him.

The guy called you an Uber and refused your persistent offers to pay him back. When your ride came, you and the guy you'd met days ago shared a kiss on the cheek and a whispered goodbye. And it was almost sweet enough to make you think of staying a little longer.

But still, thoughts of George burned closer to the forefront of your mind, and you kept walking down the gravel driveway. You dared to steal one last glance over your shoulder, finding Aureo leaning against his doorway, giving you a sorry wave. The sight was almost somber enough to get you to spin on your heels and make it up to him. But you just opened the Uber door.

You realized how when you'd felt like saying goodbye to George you'd only wanted to kiss him. You realized you were relieved when he didn't meet up with Renee because you were used to having him all to yourself. You realized you wanted to keep it that way. You had been trying to push theses feelings deep down, but you had absolutely nothing left to lose at this point. You'd been drunk a lot on this trip, but you'd never felt braver than right now...

When you unlocked the hotel room door, you chanted silent prayers that George would be around. If you had to wait until tomorrow, you wouldn't be able to say what you had the guts to, right now.  You didn't waste a beat as you marched straight toward the halfway shut door of the room George had been occupying. A soft light shone from inside.

You halted after pushing past the door, making your presence known. George was kicked back on his bed, reading, and he didn't seem a bit surprised to see you here and now.

"Okay. I have nothing left to lose. So I'm gonna say what I have to say. I didn't hook up with Aureo. I left.  Because the whole time he touched me I was only thinking of you. Maybe that's fucked up but that's just the truth."

George listened from behind the crinkled pages of "A Perfect Day For Bananafish" keeping that frighteningly calm gaze on you, while you spilled your guts.

"So... so unless I've been misreading the dozens of signs, I think it's safe to gather that you'd like to kiss me. And if that's true, you should do it. Right now." You stated in one nervous breathe, frustrated by all the lingering gazes, little touches, and thoughts that had never been acted upon.

"No," George hesitated but demanded all at once, in the fabulously complex manner of his. He shut the book in his lap and moved slowly to the edge of the bed to stand, keeping an eye on you as you went on,

"You said I was perfectly kissable! And no one has ever looked at me like you keep looking at me. Even right now." Your throat grew tight as you addressed the expression on George's face. Why was he moving to stand so close to you if he didn't want to kiss you? For the first time, you saw a faint chip in the resolve of his usual composure. George's eyes grew full as he spoke in a voice thick with feeling,

"Because I don't want to be your rebound!"

"Well, what if you weren't!" There was no need to hide the way your tears bubbled over as you gaped at him. It was the only way you could get George to understand how you really felt. How you weren't playing devil's advocate. How this wasn't your usual banter. Your heart was on the line.

"Don't talk like that-" George looked afraid, like if you said something just right three times in a row it'd appear and he'd have no choice but to give in to the spell. You had a shred of bravery left in your throat and breathed out every word you could manage before the strength fizzled away.

"George! I like you! I liked you from the moment we got on the plane. I liked you in the Sistine Chapel. I like you now, and I don't see a way out of it and I don't want a way out of it- I want you to kiss me. I want to fly back home with you because I'll still like you when we get there."

George was slack-jawed, mystified by your monologue, and as soon as the words stopped coming, the vice around your throat tightened and your tears poured out all the emotion you'd been building up, but could no longer speak. You cried into your hands, feeling sorry for how pathetic you were, and sorry for thinking up this dumb idea to invite George along in the first place.

You could hardly breathe as you felt George's strong arms wrap around you. One secured around your middle, the other across your shoulder, totally encapsulating you. As much as it was a relief to have him so near, his closeness broke your heart all the same. You cried onto his nightshirt and clung to the collar, knowing full well you would have to apologize for all this later but grateful for the compassion he chose to show now.

He didn't speak as you managed your cries, he just held on to you for dear life. When you were reduced to sniffles, George pulled away, his deep blue eyes catching yours. He didn't speak then either. He just brushed a stray tear from your cheek and searched your features as you hoped and prayed you didn't look half as pathetic as you felt.

And right when enough time had passed for you to feel like speaking up, George gently pulled you across the room. He wordlessly pushed you toward the bed back against the mess of pillows and switched out the light. He then made his way round to the other side and met you in the middle.

The usual sliver of space between you and George was forgotten, as he settled right next to you. And without saying anything, he pressed a very soft kiss to the side of your face. George's lips lingered against your temple, for a beat longer than you'd expected, and with each passing nanosecond, your heartbeat stuttered between speeding up and sinking to the floor.

When George pulled your head to rest on his shoulder and kept a warm strong hand rested at the base of your neck, you could have cried again. But you knew better than to ruin the moment, and relaxed your frame against his, drifting to sleep.

___

You woke up to the sound of crashing waves and hollers from beachgoers off in the distance. You were in a big, empty bed, delicately tucked beneath covers you never remembered reaching for. When you registered George's absence, you took a moment to recall everything that happened last night.

How Colin had taken one last petty shot at getting a rise out of you. How you tried to give in to Aureo, and how the night ended without much of a bang. How you crashed into George's room, babbling confessions, all of them falling flat at your feet even though George was kind enough to pull you close, even just for a moment.

You heaved a heavy sigh, pushing yourself from the bed that wasn't yours, and slipping into the bathroom unnoticed. You brushed your teeth, and tightened the sheer cardigan around you that was meant to cover your skimpy outfit meant for last night, that you didn't even give a damn about anymore.

You found George happily humming away in the kitchen, making breakfast with some ingredients you'd picked up from La Boqueria days before.

You planned to silently sulk across the way to your room, but George stopped you, turning from the stove like a worried mother, informing he was making the best breakfast of his life and you'd be a fool to miss out. You knew that.

"I'm not hungry." 

You were embarrassed. You floated away from the kitchen to your bedroom, wondering if you should start to pack your things. You hadn't expected the trip to be perfect, but you'd hardly prepared for it to go as wrong as it had.

You gathered a handful of discarded dresses, turning to find your suitcase, when you heard George ease into the room.

"What are you doing?"  He asked in a hush.

"Packing." George stepped closer, halting in front of you. He looked right at you while he took the dresses from your grasp, discarding them on the floor. Funny, you finally got him to throw your clothes somewhere behind you. He was wearing that look again, the one that made your heart speed up and the world slow down all at once.

"I shouldn't have said anything at all last night, let alone freaked out. I'm sorry." You shied away from his gaze, feeling like a little girl. George let you but slowly moved to see your face once more.

"I'm sorry. I was afraid you were just... I don't know... not thinking clearly."

"Why are you sorry? I wasn't drunk, George. I was just being honest." You look down, feeling sick about how vulnerable you'd been. You sucked in a breath as you moved away in a daze, heading toward the desk where your suitcase was nestled in the corner. You couldn't think with George looming over you with his sleep tangled hair and intense expressions.

As you traced your fingers along the grain of the desk you gazed out of the window to a palm tree that covered much of the view of the beach.

"Y/n..." 

George's voice crept up the back of your spine. You turned from the desk, gripping the edge for security as George came to face you again. 

How had you ended up here? Thoughts flickered into your head but flickered away when George locked his dazzling blue eyes with yours. He placed either of his hands on the side of the desk just beside where yours found real estate. George was eye level with you now and he was searching your face with his starry eyes that were closer than ever. And slow, like sunrise, he leaned in closer.

George pressed his lips against yours as slowly and sweetly as he'd kissed your temple last night. Before you could lose yourself to the feeling, you rose a hand to George's chest and held it there, so he hesitantly pulled away.

"Please don't kiss me just because I asked you too." You sighed, eyes still screwed shut. You could have done that one thousand more times, but not out of pity. When you dared to open your eyes, you found George patiently waiting to meet your gaze.

"I wanted to." George spoke, softly. "I've wanted to kiss you like that since you freaked out on the plane to Rome. I wanted to kiss you at all those museums and every time you've told a lame joke since then. And I'll still want to kiss you when we get back home. I like you, too."

George echoed your monologue from the night before, with his own twist. His voice was low and gentle but full of assuredness. His eyes stayed glued on yours while your heart threatened to beat out of your chest as he went on speaking. And when he was finished, you just stood there, gaping at him. Trying to wrap your head around his words and the action preceded them.

George looked at you in that way he did. In that way no one ever had before.

Lifting his hand toward your face, he slowly trailed a finger across your jaw, letting his thumb land on your chin. Your lips subtly parted, and George fixed his gaze on your mouth as a smirk bloomed across his. Then, he leaned in to kiss you again. But this time was very different. Your mouths opened against each other's and your fingers unlatched from their grip on the table behind you.

Your fingers curled around his neck as George let his fingers slowly creep down your sides, until they reached your hips. Without breaking the kiss, he shifted you onto the desk you leaned against, closing the gap between the two of you. It was a gesture you'd been dreaming of that was far more electric than your imagination made it out to be.

"I'm sorry it took me till now to do this." George breathed, his lips brushing against yours not daring to miss a second of contact.

"Better late than never, huh?" You grinned, nudging your nose against George and looking up into his pretty eyes.

"That's the spirit." He chuckled softly, barely finishing the sentence before his lips were on yours again. One of his hands stayed pressed against your back, assuring you were held against him, while his other tangled in your hair.  George kissed you in a way that made you wonder what you'd been doing till now.

"I never dreamed you'd wanted more than wreckless fun." George spoke, as he trailed his kisses down your neck. And though you weren't too keen to stop his actions, his words held more of an impact.

You grabbed a handful of George's golden hair and pulled to make his eyes look right in yours.

"I do want to have wreckless fun. With you. For a long, long time." You confessed. No more secretly longing gazes and careful touches, hoping your multitude of feelings might have been conveyed.  

"So back to London together it is then, yeah?" George picked you up from the desk with a cheeky grin.

"Just long enough to plan our next adventure." You suggested through a giggling as he tossed you onto the bed you'd been occupying.

George smiled the loveliest smile you'd ever seen as he crawled over the top of you and reached for the string that tied your coverup together.

"Shall we pick up where we left off then?" George leaned in to purr in your ear, letting his fingers trail across your thigh.  

How was something so new and exciting so familiar? You decided not to think about it, and dove back in for another kiss.

___

That's how you spent the rest of the day and the entire night, never too far from right beside George. As your reality settled into the daydream scenario you never expected to come true, you found nothing much had really changed.

You'd spent this whole trip together, consulting over the best wine to order over dinner and arguing over what the best tv show of all time was. So while spending a day in bed at George's side left you starry-eyed, his company was familiar. And that was the best part of all.

You went on, making each other laugh like normal. Sharing old forgotten stories and thinking up new ones. George listened, as you whispered into the late, late night, like kids at a slumber party.

Waking up to his limbs pinning you lazily to the mattress even felt familiar, like something you should have been used to for a while now.

And reluctant as you both were to come out from under the sheets, it was your last full day in Barcelona. So after some careful consideration over breakfast coffee, you and George picked a handful of things to do from the list you'd created months in advance.

The first stop was lunch. You would miss the food in Spain most of all. You even took a few photos of the beautifully plated tapas you'd ordered and posted it to Instagram right away, using some over the top caption and everything.

After a frustrating morning chat, your bank informed you that it would be a few business days until your account was all sorted out. So, because of that and the fact that you only had a few euros left, you let George pay for lunch, who acted as if his evil plan had come to fruition. He'd hadn't stopped trying to cover bills since the first night in Rome.

Then you proceeded to muck about the city like kids on a residential trip. You went from hilltops to fountains to a couple of markets you'd been to before, marveling over all the sights and sounds of the city. You took more photos during the afternoon romp through the city than you had the whole trip. You sent some straight to Instagram and some to your mother. But mostly, you tossed your phone right back in your bag so you could turn your attention to George. To focus on the way his smile grew while he spoke, before laughing too hard to finish his sentence. To revel in the feeling of his hand holding yours. Feeling a little luckier every time he stole a kiss in quiet parts of art galleries and around city street corners.

He eventually coaxed you into a big fancy dinner you absolutely couldn't afford, taking a long way there to enjoy the last purply golden sunset in Barcelona. The sun beamed across streets, like it didn't dare go down without a fight. In between a designer clothing shop and another row of businesses covered in blossoming vines, George stalled, turning to face you.

"Stay right here." He held your shoulders in place nodding before rushing out of view. You laughed to yourself, standing in the place you'd been made to. Before you could get lost in thoughts of how lucky this trip turned out to be, George came back around the corner with two strangers in tow.

He enlisted them to take a photo of the two of you together, George explaining that the one from outside the museums in Rome wasn't enough. You handed your phone to the older gentleman George had roped into being your photographer while his wife stood looking at a map, glancing up to smile at you all every now and again. George wasn't even looking toward the camera when it came time to.  

The old man took surprisingly good snapshots, you found, after thanking him for taking a minute to indulge George. He really was hard to say no to. There were four photos, each great from the start, better than the last. They featured George with one arm loosely wrapped around you, his focus on you entirely. You tried, but clearly couldn't quite look at the camera either, with the way George’s smile drew you in. They weren't quite candid, with the way George must have planned to be so engrossed by you.

"These are the best so far." You hummed, scrolling to admire them each.

"I have no idea if they're Instagram worthy or not, but I like them very much."

"Oh, Insta would eat these up." You laughed, but you really do mean it. They were perfectly rose-colored on their own, no filter needed. After tossing your phone away, you'd started your walk back up, the big fancy restaurant you'd choosen for dinner coming into view in the horizon.

"Then you should post them," George said, keeping his pace in time with yours, nearly to the doors of the last stop on your getaway. You figured you'd be sad when the night wound to an end. But something magnificent burned below the surface, a promise that this was only the beginning of better days.

"Are you sure? You wouldn't mind?" You asked cautiously. George had steered clear of social media for a reason. Posting something that so blatantly put George on display seemed sinful, especially regarding the photos in question; with the way you were attached to his hip. Posting those was a very big deal for a multitude of reasons.

"Well someone's gotta get the word out that we're a packaged deal now, and I'm not very well equipped. I could phone the paparazzi, since I'm so bloody famous and all, but I'd rather not." George boasted, climbing the steps of the big fancy restaurant with a coy grin on his pretty face.

"Wow. You really are lame." You joked, nudging his shoulder with yours as you passed through the golden entryway.

After you ordered meals, you opened your favorite application and fretted over a caption for the photos you were about to post. The photos of you and George bathed in the setting sunlight, your smiles somehow the brighter.

George helped, well, he made you laugh. And after tossing out a dozen ridiculous quips, you decided to keep all your best one-liners and let the photos speak for themselves. And on the walk back to the hotel you phoned your mother to save her from having a cow when you showed up at the airport with George still by your side.

Because it had been settled, over late-night conversation that slipped into a recurring topic during the day. George would come home with you. He kept saying something about not wanting to waste another secomd sitting far apart in the same room. He kept saying how lucky he felt to have you, how he'd always hoped the outcome of your acquaintance would blossom into something more. How he felt like he'd been waiting for you longer than he knew your name.

George rambled about his future. About some of the films, he was up for. How far away he'd be for some of them. He asked you to join him. To stay for a while, wherever he ended up. How he wanted you to be a part of his life.

You agreed without having to think too much about it. You always wanted someone to see the world with. You always wanted to greet someone at the end of long days. You couldn't see your future without George. You could hardly remember how you managed life before him, anyway.

On the plane back home, you were both too busy dreaming up your lives together to freak out when the ride rocketed into the sky. You watched the same movie and got shushed by the same businessman when your laughter got too loud.

And when you sleepily lingered at the baggage claim with your head rested on George's shoulder, nothing felt new and exciting. It felt normal and right.

And when you spotted your mother waiting for you in the pickup area, she was all smiles. You hadn't expected her to freak out, but you were a little nervous that she'd make much too big of a deal about who you were bringing home. But she looked calm, content even, when she reached out to greet you with a hug.

"Mom, this is George." You turned to the man in question, watching his ocean eyes linger on you for a beat as his grin stretched into a smile.

"I know." Your mother smiled too, then turned to him, reaching out for a hug. "I've read all about you in the papers and things." She chuckled just as George happily hugged her back.

You and George both threw your heads back in a shared bout of laughter. Your mother worried that she'd said something wrong, but you just assured her that George was even better in real life than all his charming interviews.

On the ride home, you fill her in on some of the details of your wild trip. George did too, and when he spoke you could tell your mother started to understand what you said at the airport. How George's complex expressions and soft-spoken manner weren't something you could properly capture on a morning talk show. How his presence seemed magical. How whatever you might expect him to say was never what you got, but better.

He made everything better. Even the things you couldn't seem to find the good parts of. Even the demolished bits of planning that remained of what was meant to be your honeymoon. 

You found out that everything happened how it was supposed to. Even though going home to what you left behind seemed daunting and dense with negativity, there was a bright shining silver lining beaming from the smile George wore when you made him laugh over and over on the way home, together.

───※ ·❆· ※───

[memorylang]

Easter: Redwoods, Light | #52 | April 2021

I write from Vegas, having returned after spending most of this spring in Reno. Life has been well. I feel adjusted to being back in the States a year. Every so often, objects and settings still remind me of last year’s evacuation from Mongolia. I still have the interest I’d had in trying to improve the lives of those around me. I still plan to return to Mongolia as soon as pandemic conditions permit.

This month’s blog story reminds me of cycles. Attending a virtual Open Mic Night at the conclusion to this month's “Culture of Creativity Workshops” featuring overseas alumni, I felt called to tell our folks there about this very blog story that I hadn't yet finished. A fellow participant suggested my theme of cycles. I'd spoken of how events that happen throughout time, how our feelings come and go. So here it is—My Easter 2O2I tales of cycles, light and renewal!

Back to Vegas

I returned to Vegas tasked by my father to continue to sort my belongings, tend to the yard and help my older brother and his girlfriend clean the kitchen since their recent move back to the house. Early in March, I’d visited the house with my siblings, and I’d intended originally to spend Holy Week here, too. But my college parish had many functions, including a friend’s baptism, Knights’ service events and opportunities for me to continue to help with the recordings of Sunday Proclamations of the Word. Palm Sunday’s and Good Friday’s were special highlights. Anyway, I'd opted to stay in Reno for Lent’s remainder into Easter’s first weeks.

Easter in Reno

Being in Reno for most of this April instead of in Vegas like last year, I enjoyed seeing trees blossom. A highlight of this Easter season has been its many serendipitous moments. This is also noteworthy because I'd listened to the "Tao of Pooh,” which noted spontaneity as among the good spiritual life’s fruits. A spiritual director had told me something similar not long before I'd graduated college.

Days before Easter Sunday itself (U.S. Year 2, Week 5; April 2–8, 2O2I), I enjoyed getting the opportunity to lector at that Mass. It was a small Mass, but I felt glad to be in person for the greatest celebration of the Christian year since all had shut down last year. Later this Easter Octave, I’d gotten to both lector and serve at a family's confirmation Mass. That too felt lovely.

Serendipity hadn’t stopped there! I’d caught up with an ol’ friend at Rancho San Rafael Park not far from the Uni and later biked with another friend at North Valleys Regional. My bike itself I’d bought from a rummage sale the day before on an unexpected adventure in a U-Haul truck to help our student coordinators collect furniture in the morning after they’d asked whoever could help. Thus, that Wednesday night they’d requested help, Thursday morning I’d joined them to Gardnerville and the rectory, and Friday night I was biking with a friend. The last time I recall riding in a U-Haul was over a dozen years ago when I was 11, my family moved from Indiana to Vegas.

My youngest sister has also been encouraging me to practice my licensed driving by borrowing her vehicle to and from our parish. I’d visited so often that staff offered me a key to simplify visits to my "home away from home away from home." I’d felt touched because I could go on walks around our pretty campus without worrying about getting locked out when I was alone. The flexibility gave me peace recently on my U.S. Year 2, Week 8 (April 23–29, 2O2I), when midday I’d needed to drop by my Honors College alma mater’s office to help print a letter I’d written to graduating seniors for our Honors Alumni Task Force.

Also at church, I’d gotten to participate in a few of our Alpha sessions hosted by a diaconate candidate whom I’d interviewed back in 2OI8 on my diocesan public relations internship. I'd heard about Alpha first back in Mongolia from a kind Evangelical Mongol. Anyway, the diaconate candidate, student coordinators and Alpha participants have been great conversation partners.

Beyond these, our pastor had driven me to my first Pfizer vaccine dose, lent me films and advised my reading! On one occasion, he even let me bring Holy Communion to a friend of mine. Such activities have kept me from feeling too distressed amid research writing and revisions. Parish support has made my “happy contentment” quest kinder.

Redwoods National and State Parks

This year’s Easter Octave concluded for me with another trip with my national parks friends (U.S. Year 2, Week 6; April 9–I5, 2O2I). This trip, I’d anticipated especially. As a young lad in Indiana, I’d felt mesmerized by the photos of massively tall California trees noted in our science textbooks. Thus, from an early age, Redwoods imprinted themselves in me.

At these national and state parks, epic scenery of old-growth forests, mountainous hills and valleys beside the coast astounded me. I hadn’t seen the Pacific Ocean since January 2O2O when I’d flown back to Mongolia from Vegas via San Francisco. I felt surprised by how many months had passed since my last overseas adventure.

At the loop completing the Tall Trees Grove trail, I found a special place. My peers had gone ahead while I stayed behind to take photos, record videos and capture audio. I hadn’t expected to find at the trail’s end a creek filled with still other trees—vast ones, like those that I’d seen in subtropical Asia but different.

I basked in these trees. While taking photos, I also discovered my phone has a virtual reality setting. I tried it out, remembering undergrad extra credit VR photography projects. I’d wanted to journal at least something.

“Daniel!” my peers called from some distance down the path. I couldn’t see them, but their voices echoed well enough. I called back something to the effect of, “I’m here!” I still wanted to get a good fill of this park. Here’s what I journaled:

[11:45 a.m.] Redwood, National Park, end of Tall Tree Grove along the creek zone is this phenomenal section of mossy trees with winding branches. Here I discovered my VR. [A woman paused, passing me, “You must be Daniel.”] 19IO–I96O, so many of these trees that used to be across Humboldt, Eureka, Arcata were cut down. The smells… the scents, the mosses, the ferns, the light. Beyond.

Mid-journaling, I paused because a mid-aged woman who was passing by smiled and acknowledged that I must be the "Daniel" she'd overheard about. I smiled yes and reveled in the gorgeousness that surrounded us. She affirmed and mused how this park’s name should be changed like, “Redwoods and Other Trees and Lose-Your-Brother-in-the-Forest National Park.” She added how in the early half of last century, these very types of trees once blanketed far more Northern California, across the very counties through which my friends and I traveled to get here.

I later journaled again after sprinting much of the uphill trail back to my friends. We then saw the “Lady Bird” Johnson trail, then a confluence of the Klamath River and Pacific Ocean (where there were seals!) and finally Trillium Falls. I’d written this about the final hike:

So hypnotic. [...] Dodona’s Grove* vibes from the Trillium hike after the Falls. Whispers from God. Endlessness.

*The Grove of Dodona is a prophetic forest from “The Hidden Oracle,” a book to which I’d listened amid the pandemic by an author I used to read in junior high and high school, Rick Riordan. While I wasn’t a huge fan of where he’d taken “The Heroes of Olympus” series’ finale, I'd often admired his picturesque locales.

My peers and I left the park by 6:45 p.m. The view from the road on which we departed reminded me of the bamboo forest in 安吉 Ānjí near 杭州 Hángzhōu. I’d seen it in 2OI7 during my first summer overseas and have rarely found comparable places.

Of Redwoods, I journaled too of how gleeful I’d felt to have hugged so many trees. A friend had complimented my writing when he mentioned that I don’t need to take so many photos. I added how photos help me remember what to write. I'll probably share my Redwoods photoset in May.

A carpet of moist, fallen leaves along the paved trails had reminded me of a Sunday morning path that my dad would take my siblings and me through for years at Spring Mill State Park in Mitchell, Ind.

Spring Retreat: Recognizing God’s Light

Beyond Redwoods, I'd stayed behind in Reno chiefly to participate in my college parish's Spring Retreat. This spring the student coordinators held it in Gardnerville, the same location where I'd enjoyed it my senior spring. However, I'd had to leave early from it that year. It was my first and only of the eight semesterly retreats from which I'd left early.

That year, I'd left in order to co-emcee the Diocesan Youth Rally 2OI9. To my surprise, the youngest member on this year’s student coordinator team was likely at that same event when she was a high school student. Similarities like these gladdened me.

I felt renewed. This year’s theme, "Light in the Darkness" (Spring 2O2I), reminded me of "Ignite the Light," (Spring 2OI8), the year after my mother died. This time, however, I’d had more years to reflect and feel greater peace. Similarly, I've felt more peace being back in the States even though I'd prefer to be abroad. God’s light shines every day, in every moment of every person. I can see it.

Writing of seeing things, I’d also seen "WandaVision" and "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" while up in Reno. I’d reconnected too with a Disney-loving college friend to get more Disney+ watchlist ideas. I’d seriously enjoyed the “Into the Unknown: Making Frozen II” docuseries. Both she and my college pastor led me to witness iconic performances by Julie Andrews in both "The Sound of Music" and "Mary Poppins."

Justice

April felt refreshing for a more challenging reason as well. Much of the month had featured on many channels coverage from the trial over the killing of George Floyd. I imagined that this would be a trial that my generation remembers for years.

I’d watched live various testimonies and even the closing arguments. Then, on that Tuesday, April 2O, 2O2I, afternoon, our nation heard the verdict—My pastor called it among the fastest traveling news.

I've been on the Social Justice Task Force of the American Psychological Association’s Society for the Psychology of Religion and Spirituality since last summer. Our Task Force had come together in response to the killing of George Floyd and subsequent renewed pushes across our nation for social justice.

Our task force has been meeting every other Tuesday night, after weekly fed Zoom fatigue. Our meeting that Tuesday fell on the night of the guilty verdict. But, this justice felt cathartic only somewhat. More shootings filled the media. Our task was far from over.

Still, I’d another reason to celebrate. That Tuesday marked my last advocacy meeting on behalf of the National Peace Corps Association to offices of Nevada’s lawmakers this March–April. All told, I’d coordinated and met virtually with offices of the U.S. Congresspeople Horsford, Titus and Lee as well as Senator Rosen. And Representative Titus herself attended our meeting! She was very kind. So, I felt relieved to have finished those duties for now.

Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month

Next month (May) begins Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. I've decided to tell a #StopAsianHate story. Given America's centuries of racism toward Asians, I don't enjoy the subject. But, I’d had an experience on my Week 5I (Feb. 19–25, 2O2I). It reminded me the importance of continuing to tell stories so that we can promote diversity and inclusion.

I was on one of my Reno walks that cold winter. As usual, I'd pass by the local elementary school. I'd paused to check my phone. The time was while children were at recess. They played opposite a chain-link fence a few yards down a hill from where I stood.

At first, I didn't think that the kids were talking to me. So, I paid them little attention. Then their voices sounded closer, in greater numbers.

I hadn't decided whether to acknowledge the children but decided to finish my walk. My walk brought me along the fence. From my right periphery, I saw a clump of children gathering, following. They certainly addressed me.

I heard what sounded like slurs against Asians that I won't repeat here but also questions that I will repeat here.

The kids asked if I was homeless, whether I'm an orphan, whether I speak English. I reflected on these. I was wearing a big scarf from Mongolia, a hefty hand-me-down winter coat and wide, secondhand jeans, frayed at my ankles. But I hadn't spoken a word to the kids.

Their questions themselves weren't offensive. Yet, the children’s tones reminded me of the mocking ones I'd heard in middle school when boys made fun of me for caring more about good grades than getting girlfriends. (Little did the boys know, girls I liked tended toward good grades.)

Anyway, these kids seemed to have negative implications behind positive responses to their questions. This upset me. After all, homelessness, being an orphan and not knowing English are not inherently bad things. For, often, people do not choose to go without a home, parents or American English. So why might these children ask these degradingly?

I felt perturbed by the realization that these children would find pleasure in mocking people who they suspect are without homes, parents or English skills. Yet, from this, I felt a glimmer of solidarity. I'd heard directed toward me what seemed unkind speech. This may help me relate to Asians who hear slurs, to those without homes, to those without parents and to those perhaps struggling with English.

My parents tend to insist too that I buy new clothes, though. Given our world's rampant consumerism, I find second-hand ones quite fine. "Form follows function." I wish that more folks would appreciate hand-me-downs and thrifting.

Nuance

Curiously, as I continued past this chain-link fence, a somewhat pudgy boy of color asked with a wide grin for money for Taco Bell. Truthfully, I didn't have money on me. I calmly answered the questions, not pausing from my walk. I guessed the kids dismissed the homeless guess/joke. I noticed thankfully that they wore face masks. We’re still in a pandemic, after all.

The boy's questions made me wonder about his family life. True, he could have been joking. But I remembered, many of the boys who'd picked on me in middle school had been living in a neighborhood that many people called not a “good” part of town.

In light of the visibility that Black Lives Matter has had in the past year, I've tried to grow more aware of how cruel predominantly White societies can be toward Black, indigenous and other peoples of color. I recalled learning when I was little that, often those who bully had been bullied themselves. Sociology interests me.

Thus, when these playground children said potentially questionable things to me, I wasn't sure whether to intervene about the slurs or micro-aggressions or what I'd say.

As I neared the fence’s edge to complete my pass by the school, I overheard a girl's or maybe a woman's voice call the kids to stop wasting their free time. I'm glad that someone spoke up. Compassion is the answer, especially in light of hurtful things.

I’m still unsure whether my general silence was helpful or problematic. But the experience caused me to think. For, children learn fast. Innocence is invaluable. My generation's problems and those of that above ours replicate in youths the longer we fail to act.

I’m glad that folks are speaking up these days in hopes to #StopAsianHate. Social justice mustn't sleep.

Language Six

On April 2O2I’s last day, I hit my 365-day streak on Duolingo!

Over the past year, I’d focused on Latin, Spanish and Chinese. Having finished every lesson and level Duolingo had for Latin, I started dabbling in German. While I’ve no intention to extensively pursue German (yet, at least), I’ve enjoyed how its lessons help me see from where many non-Latin roots reach English.

I’ve been dipping into my Germanic heritage on Dad’s side again lately. This began about when I’d seen “The Sound of Music” then reconnected with my distant relative who’s researched more of our shared Austrian and Volga German forefathers and mothers. Turns out that my relative had personally written to and received a postcard from the real Maria von Trapp!

I've grown to like more German language. "The Sound of Music" and how Spotify has Disney soundtracks in German help. Besides listening to vocalists like Namika, I’ve also gotten into LEA, Manuel Straube, Julia Scheeser and even Willemijn Verkaik! This is probably just a phase, but it’s certainly fun.

Every language I’ve sought to learn has at least one Spotify playlist. For recent films I’ve seen, like "Mary Poppins" and "Mary Poppins Returns," I’ve cherry-picked tracks in German, Spanish and English. Though I don’t catch most words, I like to consider translators’ decision-making.

Summer Fun

I get my second Pfizer dose on Cinco de Mayo. By then, I hope to have channeled my Julie Andrews-inspired service of making things better than how I've found them. Later that vaccine week, on Mother’s Day, I’ll return to Reno with Tita and Papa.

May 14 will celebrate the Baccalaureate Mass of lovely student coordinators and friends from undergrad. Then comes the 2Ist birthday of my youngest sister and will also mark when I’m fully inoculated, May 19! Pentecost comes May 23. Then will be May 3O, the wedding of two of my undergrad coworkers, including a fraternity brother. We'll have a mini staff and fraternal reunion!

After that, I look forward most to a Seattle trip at my 24th birthday. National parks friends and I are flying up to see Olympic National Park. It’ll be my first time to see further into the Pacific Northwest than Ashland, Ore. My younger (not youngest) sister got a job in Seattle, so I’ll be surfing her couch for part of my visit. Super stoked to reconnect with friends from high school, college and Peace Corps in the city! Even my married friends with whom I'd spent New Year's Eve the past couple years plan to visit me there.

This April my siblings and I reviewed our first scholarship applications for a Foundation that we’d founded to honor our late mother, who was Chinese. So, with next month and the fourth anniversary of her passing, I’ll share Foundation experiences, I think. Along with those, graduations and celebrations await!

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[poorlytunedukulele]

Day 12 - Roses and Thorns

The Black Garden is stunning in more ways than one.  It’s gorgeous, if just slightly alien.  It makes sense, Azra supposes.  This place was not crafted with an eye for Human ideals of beauty.  Or perhaps Humans were not properly raised to enjoy this place.

In any case, it is still beautiful.  There is greenery everywhere.  The fertile plains of flowers give way in the distance to untamed crags.  The air is clean and sweet, with hardly a breeze to rustle the plants.

The plants rustle anyway. Azra stares down at the rolling hills and watches.  The ripples in the flowers form patterns, ones that she recognizes.   She’s seen those same patterns time and again on the trembling surface of Radiolaria.  They echo and split and combine with themselves in an eternal dance.

If that weren’t odd enough, the sky isn’t the right color.  It’s not quite a color at all.  Instead of Rayleigh-scattered blues and purples, it’s the rainbow-edged gray of sun refracted through water.

And the light is weird.  Spark takes a spectral analysis and finds not only that it’s not from Sol, but the wavelengths present couldn’t be produced by the simple blackbody radiation of any star. It lends itself to the otherworldliness of this place.  Azra can’t tell if anything is the actual color it is, or if the light casts different hues.  Her green gear should blend in with the plants, but it doesn’t.

The ground follows the worrying trend.  Though Azra knows it should be rich, full of Carbon and Nitrogen and Phosphorus, the scans Spark takes are all contradictory.  She can smell the decaying organics, feel the loam between her fingers, but when viewed with a cold, hard eye, the illusion falls apart.  There are things that are not beetles and ants crawling through the dirt.

Azra dusts the soil from her fingers and turns her attention to the flowers.  They’re absolutely everywhere.  They’re unlike quite any she’s seen on Earth (or Venus or Io, for that matter).  But they’re not some alien plant, spawned for different conditions, they’re flowers. Red-petaled, black-throated, with stems and leaves-

And thorns, Azra learns. She draws her hand back and watches in fascination as a drop of blood wells from the thick pad of her thumb. She sticks the offended finger in her mouth, but the wound is already closed.  The pain fades quickly, but the iron tang on her tongue persists.

With a shrug, Guardian and Ghost leave behind the intensive scanning.  All it will tell them is that this place is not what it seems, and they already know that.  It’s the Black Garden.  Besides, for all the Warlocks back in the City would kill for data, Azra is not here to study this place; she’s here to scout it.

She stows her helmet and gloves, picks a mountain peak on the horizon, and sets off.

She’s not stupid.  She leaves a trail of beacons behind her. Spark hovers high above, keeping watch for any wandering Vex.  He takes video of the flowers rippling in the nonexistent breeze, noting how the patterns change in the wake of his Guardian’s passage.  He charts the imperceptibly slow movements of the unfamiliar planets in the sky.

They make their way through the flower-fields, across straight pathways of Vex bronze (unpowered, disconnected), over a few small canals and down into and across some larger ones. The fields quickly become monotonous. The mountains in the distance don’t appear to be getting any closer.

Then they come to someplace interesting.

Azra skirts a stone ridge and comes across a cavern in the rock face- more like a crevice.  It seems out-of-place, too real.  Like a broken bit of scenery, a tear in the curtain.  She takes a few steps inside and finds the space lit by an odd fungus that glows like foxfire.

Spark had pinged radar, giving them a vague map of the terrain for miles.  But outside of the Vex-heavy areas, away from the center where the Heart had been killed, the Garden is incredibly boring.  Rolling hill after rolling hill, canal after canal.  This is something new, something worthy of exploration.

She is prepared to mark the walls and make cave-maps to keep track of the branching pathways, but the tunnel only has one channel.  It twists, dips, and climbs, but offers no alternate avenues to choose from.  The walls are the same whitish granite-looking stone, but in the dark and illuminated by the eerie light of the fungus, they look green and slick.

She’s lost track of how long it’s been-

No.

Azra stops dead in her tracks.  Some part of her urges her to brush off the creeping discomfort and keep going, but she knows that part isn’t real.  She has spent far too long wandering Vex installations, fell too far in the Vault, suffered too much in her climb back out to not know her own thoughts.  Azra Jax does not lose track of time easily.

Or rather, she has, so deeply and keenly, that she holds on with an iron grip.

But she’s lost it now. Though she can start counting seconds and stringing together her thoughts like a chain of daisies, it won’t matter.  The difference between zero times and one time is infinite- the needle has already skipped the track.  Azra feels a very familiar nausea roiling in her stomach.

Let’s go, Spark thinks, and Azra turns to- only to realize she has no idea which direction she’d come from.  It’s as if all of her object permanence has been stripped away- both tunnels (or the same tunnel from different directions) look equally unfamiliar.  She is struck with the odd terror that nothing exists outside of her gaze, that the world is in some superposition, collapsing into reality only when she observes it.  That she’ll turn away from one pathway only for it to be replaced by another when she’s not looking.

You’re having a panic attack, Spark says.

She is.  Her hands are shaking and her heart pounds loud in her ears. It’s so loud it drowns out everything else- or perhaps there is simply nothing left in the universe that makes sound.

Breathe, her Ghost commands.  Focus on that and it will get better.

Even though she knows with absolute certainty that it won’t work (that’s how it always is, panic trumps logic every time), she breathes.  She closes her eyes and focuses on how her Light echoes off of the walls.

Then-

You are lost.  For a brief infinity, you know nothing but this fact.  This is not where you belong.  

Eventually knowledge drips down to you and you drink it like sweet fructose- you are here, in the vascular tissue of some giant plant.  The plant is the universe, or perhaps just the City.  You’ve gone adrift from your place and it is vital you find your way back to it. The knowledge that you belong somewhere, that there is a hole tailor-made for your soul, is comforting.  It makes it all the more urgent that you find your home.

You wander with a restless, frantic energy.  This would be so much easier if you knew where you should go but you’ve forgotten what you are.  Are you a petal, bright and alluring, communicating with minds unlike your own through scent and color and shape?  Or a piece of the stem, maybe, straining in tension to keep the plant vertical?  Perhaps you are a seed, ungrown potential waiting to spring forth.

No, you are the thorn. Hadn’t people always called you sharp? And that is your purpose- to cause harm. Deal damage to any that seek to affect what you guard.  You kill Fallen and Vex and Hive and Cabal alike.  That is all you do, kill in the sake of preservation.

Azra stops, tasting the old doubts on her tongue like cloying corn syrup.  It would be very easy to agree.  Some part of her wants to (and this part is her, she knows).  

But Spark touches her thoughts, worried, and she knows better.  She knows herself.  She has been shaken to her core many times, stripped bare from all of her comforts, broken down and down until the universe found something unbreakable in her.  She knows this self-defeating worry, she has traced it back to its roots and torn it out.

She knows that things are not so simple.  She does kill, and not just to protect, but she does so much more than that. She dances and laughs and learns. She not here in the Garden to kill every threat, but to scout, take the shape of the land and listen to its sounds and know it.  If she is indeed a thorn, then she is also the phloem that delivers nutrients and information.  She is the roots that test the ground below, the leaves that spread in search of sunlight.

And she knows this, deep down in her core: she is more than the sum of her parts.  She is more than what she has done and what has been done to her.

You are dead, a voice whispers.  A dead thing walking through a place of life.  A migraine is building behind her eyes.  The sweet scent on the air has turned into the rich tang of rotting fruit.  And still she has no idea which way is out.  Her feet have carried her even further, but the walls remain unremarkable.  Perhaps there is no ‘out’ anymore.

No.  This is not like Earth or Venus or Mars.  This is like the Vault of Glass.  To adapt to this place is to be lost to it.  Azra has to subvert herself, gather her willpower and demand the world change to suit her needs instead of the other way around.

She turns back and forces the word backwards to have meaning.  Simple directions will be her way out of this.  Her Light burns like a star.

Suddenly, the mouth of the cave yawns before her.  She steps out, squinting as her eyes adjust.  The not-sunlight is very bright in comparison to the fungus glow.  The air is just as stagnant, however.  The flowers glitter with a recent rainfall.

She notices immediately that her beacons are gone.  Maybe she’ll find a few broken shells on her way back, but their radio signals have fallen silent, leaving her adrift with no GPS.  For a gut-wrenching moment, the scenery is unfamiliar.

Then Azra laughs, loud and long.  The sound echoes and echoes and echoes until the air rings with it and the flowers ripple to its pattern.  It’s going to take a lot more than that to get her lost now that she’s learned.  She turns in the direction she instinctually knows the gate is in and fixes a feature on the horizon in her head.

Listen. I know logically that Day 8 was prompting for Black Garden stuff and today really suits Shin Malphur/Jaren Ward/Dredgen Yor's story. But listen. I do what I want. You can't stop me.

AO3 Link

[nbhd-daily]

LILY PATTERSON: Where the fuck is Chip Chrome? I noticed you deactivated your Instagram.

JESSE RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] I like that you turned the “who” to “where.”

PATTERSON: Obviously, there’s one glaring reference for an alien rock star alter ego—

RUTHERFORD: Wait, wait, wait, who though?

PATTERSON: … Ziggy Stardust?

RUTHERFORD: I’m just joking.

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Oh my god, I was like, “Did I say that clearly?” But yeah, you’re channeling an icon. Tell me about bringing Chip to life.

RUTHERFORD: I’ve had the idea for Chip for about two and a half years.

PATTERSON: So it’s been baking.

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, I had the name, the whole shit. Obviously, Bowie is a giant reference… Ugh, I hate that word. A giant inspiration. It’s funny; when I was a kid, people would tell me about him, but I wasn’t really interested. I was gravitating toward hip-hop or modern pop. First, I got really into interviews and just watched the man talk. Then the music. I’ve always been an in-between kind of fella. I’m not quite this, I’m not quite that. I’m not super masc, I’m not super feminine … I’m kind of a confused person, to be honest with you. Bowie has helped me route. Like, here you go, this is a blueprint, an architecture. Not to say I sound like him at all.

PATTERSON: You deployed @chipchrome on Instagram, a platform that’s created so much anxiety around being “real,” being consistent, endlessly delivering your personal brand. And now Chip’s off the grid.

RUTHERFORD: I’m trying to figure out myself in all of this. Maybe I’m expected to have already done that, but I haven’t. I feel like I turned into a “thing” on the Internet. When you work on a piece of music for a long time, you post it, and it gets X amount of likes, then you post a picture with your girlfriend and it gets X amount… It’s just a weird, challenging, confusing feeling. I feel like there’s an opportunity to get off the platform, or at least try it this way.

PATTERSON: How many months ago did you debut Chip? August?

RUTHERFORD: Yes. I killed @jesserutherford when I turned 27. Dead at 27.

PATTERSON: A not-so-subtle 27 Club reference.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s this ridiculous motif. Really, I want to have fun with this stuff, play with it. Like, yo, nobody paints themselves silver, throws on a Spandex suit and a grill. Then, of course, Kanye West comes along…

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Major Basel ‘fit.

RUTHERFORD: Bowie passed and everyone started to think about him again, riff on him. But no one was taking it to the full Ziggy extreme! There’s a Tekashi69 out there but no Ziggy Stardust? C’mon. It feels comfortable for me. I’m having fun.

PATTERSON: Can you describe the physical process to go full Chip? Side note: I saw a picture of that reflective Marine Serre balaclava you scored recently. Insane.

RUTHERFORD: The makeup itself isn’t too long of a process. I’ve always done it myself. Actually, I have a friend of mine who rips at makeup, Sydney, @sydn4sty on Instagram—

PATTERSON: Good friend plug.

RUTHERFORD: She’s bomb. Me and Dev [Devon Carlson, Rutherford’s partner] met her, she was our neighbor at an apartment we lived at a bit ago. She came over, fucked around and helped me with an eye design. For the most part, though, I’ve always done it on my own. We did a tour recently, and I’d usually start an hour before the show, giving myself time to get in the headspace. I could turn into Chip in 25 minutes. It doesn’t take that long.

PATTERSON: What about the suit?

RUTHERFORD: The silver suit is a stupid Spandex suit from the boulevard. I just ended up going into one of those places, figuring out a suit that worked there. Taking measurements and shit, getting the sizing right.

PATTERSON: Love that.

RUTHERFORD: I premiered Chip at a B-level, crusty, Hollywood, kind of spaghetti Western-y place. Which felt right. But as you can see—you referenced the top Dev got for me—there’s so much opportunity for Chip to grow visually. When we [The Neighbourhood] go on tour later this year, I want to develop this. But there’s also something about the campiness, this B-level visual, that I really like. It feels authentic to me.

PATTERSON: All in a time when people are hiring stylists for their hotel-lobby-to-car looks.

RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] Exactly.

PATTERSON: I feel like the DIY, the physical process of putting yourself together imbues a certain energy, a sort of leveling with your audience.

RUTHERFORD: Right. Thanks so much for noticing.

PATTERSON: Is Chip working its way into your solo act? Or do you think you’ll reserve it for The Neighbourhood?

RUTHERFORD: It was gonna be its own thing. I had no intention of bringing Chip into The Neighbourhood. It sounds corny, but the reason I wanted to do Chip for The Neighbourhood is—I don’t know if you’ve heard our song, “Middle of Somewhere.”

PATTERSON: I did. I watched the video.

RUTHERFORD: That song is a special one to me. I wanted to make sure that I could attach something to it that would make people stop, look, and have to listen. We were gonna do a textural video, like B-roll footage, Super 8, nature-y. I wake up in the morning, and I go to the house we’re recording at, in Coldwater Canyon. Before our director Alex got there I was sitting in the house, looking across the canyon over on this hill, and I actually had a vision of the chrome fuckin’ thing on top of the hill. So I showed up the next day in full Chip regalia, and everyone looked at me like, “Oh, no…”

PATTERSON: [Laughs] So that was the first introduction between Chip and The Neighbourhood, when you made it a part of the universe.

RUTHERFORD: It was, yeah. Actually, this producer duo called Take a Daytrip–they did that Sheck Wes song [“Mo Bamba”], “Panini” by Lil Nas X–they’re doing so well. I’ve known them for a long time. They’ve always sent me beat packs and I’ll just go through, pick ten at a time. I thought Chip was going to be leaning more toward my hip-hop shit.

PATTERSON: Yeah, if you’d gone through with Chip as an independent project, how would it sound?

RUTHERFORD: End of 2017, me and my engineer, Danny, were in the studio, going off on Chip. If you ask my friends, they heard about Chip so long ago, they’re like wow, you actually did it! Chip was going to be hip-hop.

PATTERSON: Daytrip almost feels more aligned with this glitchy, chromed-out look than The Neighbourhood. I’m thinking of the “Panini” video, Lil Nas X in the space suit.

RUTHERFORD: Hip-hop music has been my programming. It’s been my love. When I was a kid, hearing Eminem, G-Unit for the first time, I was like… Bro, that is it. I don’t know if you know where I’m from, Newbury Park—

PATTERSON: Ventura County, right?

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, yeah. I was kind of the odd one out, in my neighborhood, my area, obsessed with rap. I decided to stick with the guitar, and I fell in love with it, not having to use so many goddamn words. In fact, I don’t want Chip to talk, because Jesse talks enough. It’s all in the song, that’s where I’m gonna leave it. And “Middle of Somewhere” is a good jumping off point. That’s probably the purest sound you’re gonna hear; it’s just me and a guitar. I’ve been really into Dolly Parton lately—

PATTERSON: She’s having a revival moment with us younger gens!

RUTHERFORD: She’s a great reference for what I’m doing, because Dolly will tell you, “Yeah, I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m fake on the outside, because I am! That’s what I wanna look like. And that’s fine, because I know what’s coming out of me is more real than anything. So I don’t have to worry about that.”

PATTERSON: People are gonna assume they know what Chip’s about; i.e. my questions about the Ziggy comparisons or the visual continuity with Daytrip’s sound. But the far-out visual is paired back to a fairly stripped sound.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s not what people are expecting. Right now, Chip’s dedicated to The Neighbourhood. The project is gonna be called—there might be a change—but right now it’s called Chip Chrome and the Monotones. The boys, the way we all look together… They’re shadows, they’re silhouettes.

PATTERSON: They’ve got the reflective two-piece suits, right?

RUTHERFORD: For the most part, I’m the only one who has to say something to express what we collectively feel. So if I say something they’re not into, they tell me. I mean, there’s two thousand songs the world won’t hear because we all didn’t agree. It’s working, though. When I first showed up as Chip, everyone was like “what the fuck are you doing?” Now that we’ve worked on the context, everyone’s down.

PATTERSON: Final question, easily the lamest. Will Jesse/Chip find their way back to Instagram?

RUTHERFORD: I guess I’ll say I don’t know. I’m only a couple weeks off.

PATTERSON: How’s it feeling?

RUTHERFORD: I mean, you know… I’m going through it a bit.

PATTERSON: It’s a hell of a drug. You ingest it, but it can also completely consume you.

RUTHERFORD: Comparing myself to everything, everyone, everybody I love… You can’t look at humans like that. I don’t want to think about what everyone else is doing. I feel my creativity pumping back up again. I mean, I have the queen of social media sleeping in the bed next to me. And it’s the coolest thing ever, the way Devon does it? That’s the way you gotta do it. Not work for it, but make it work for you. And that’s cool, that’s her thing, it doesn’t have to be my thing. Luckily, if I do want to come back…

PATTERSON: It’s all gonna be there.

RUTHERFORD: The weirdest twist to it all—which I love, which is wonderful—is that I get off of it, and a week later I get an email that Lily from Interview fuckin’ Magazine… I mean, it’s Interview Magazine! If that isn’t a sign to pay attention, then I’m an asshole and I need to recalibrate my vision.

[lastsonlost]

After the first episode of "The Mandalorian," the Disney Plus series in the Star Wars universe that became the top streaming hit of 2019, aired on the platform, some Twitter users expressed frustration at how few women spoke, and how few female characters there were in general.

Some of those who tweeted, including well-known feminist critic Anita Sarkeesian, were met with dogpiling and waves of harassment across social media platforms. 

The harassment largely stemmed from anti-feminist Star Wars fan accounts who rounded up and highlighted tweets under the pretense that those complaining were "outraged" social justice warriors trying to tear down a successful Star Wars franchise.

The harassment is just the latest instance of feminist fandom voices being shut down online.

Anita Sarkeesian is no stranger to online harassment,

YEA SHES VERY GOOD AT MAKING THEM.

 being one of the central figures in Gamergate, the online harassment campaign that resulted in her receiving numerous death and rape threats, along with bomb and shooting threats at her events. But even she was surprised at the amount of vitriol her tweet about "The Mandalorian" received.

After watching the first episode of the Star Wars series for Disney Plus, Sarkeesian tweeted asking if she was just tired, or if there wasn't "a single female speaking character in the first episode."

She was exhausted, Sarkeesian told Insider — missing the one scene where a woman spoke and making a typo in her tweet. In the replies, Sarkeesian corrected herself. Then she went to bed. In the morning, the tweet had more than 3,000 replies. It currently has close to 7,000.

"Maybe you should switch to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills... I'm sure you'll find much to relate to there...." one top reply read.

"No wonder you're so tired. They say you should stretch before making such reaches, especially at your age," said another, with more than 1,400 likes of its own.

It's an example of dogpiling, a type of online harassment where, on Twitter, someone's replies outnumber likes and retweets, and are mostly filled with repetitive, hurtful comments.

"It's ironic. Women, especially feminists, get accused of being emotional and angry and all of these things when all we said was 'Hey, I noticed this thing. And it's kind of a problem, and I think it's really bad for our society,'" Sarkeesian told Insider. "If they didn't reply to it, my tweet would have just been gone. They made it a much bigger deal."

Sarkeesian is the most prominent figure facing dogpiling and harassment in response to her criticism of the series, but she's not the only one.

People with and without large Twitter followings, some who are verified and many who are not, have found themselves overwhelmed with anti-feminist replies and messages across platforms after tweeting about how few women are in "The Mandalorian."

Specifically, in the first episode, there's one female character wearing a mask who speaks, and two female characters total, along with a few women spotted as extras in the background of shots. More female characters are expected to play larger roles in future episodes.

"Even if you want to give the show the benefit of the doubt and say there's some big, wild justification that's going to come around in episode 7, it feels wrong that the vast majority of this world is populated by men or male-identified characters," Sarkeesian said.

Star Wars fans have a history of harassing women online when faced with criticism

Online harassment in the Star Wars fandom, particularly of women, is nothing new. Actresses like Daisy Ridley and Kelly Marie Tran of the latest Disney-owned Star Wars trilogy have recently talked about the negative aspects of the Star Wars community.

Ridley, who stars in the newest Star Wars trilogy as Rey, "cut off" her Facebook and Instagram accounts "like a Skywalker limb" due to harassment, and Tran faced racist and misogynistic harassment after appearing as the first woman of color in a leading role in the Star Wars franchise.

"It wasn't their words, it's that I started to believe them," Tran wrote for The New York Times after deleting her Instagram posts in 2018. "Their words seemed to confirm what growing up as a woman and a person of color already taught me: that I belonged in margins and spaces, valid only as a minor character in their lives and stories."

In the case of "The Mandalorian," almost anyone who tweets about the show from a feminist perspective is at risk of being targeted, because Star Wars fan accounts are rounding up tweets that criticize things like the amount of time it took for a woman to speak in the first episode.

One account rounded up 33 of these tweets with the caption "SJW's are outraged over the 'lack of female characters' in the first 2 episodes of The Mandalorian. A show with 3 female characters. Feminists only care about counting the number of minutes women are on screen in Star Wars."

Insider spoke with two people whose tweets were featured in the round-up, who said their tweets were mischaracterized, inspiring a wave of online hate.

Both of the people who spoke with Insider said they liked "The Mandalorian" and will continue watching it, but wanted to point out that it could be better in terms of female representation.

One woman who spoke to Insider anonymously, because she is trying to distance her name from the situation, says the harassment began several days after she posted her initial tweet about a lack of women in the first episode.

After receiving anti-feminist replies on Twitter, she also started getting harassed across platforms, in part because other anti-feminist Star Wars accounts picked up screenshots of her tweet after it was first included in the round-up and distributed to an even wider audience, including on Instagram.

One person even left a violent message for her in the email submission form on her professional website. It reads "People like you don't deserve a f---ing opinion, but at least I'm glad you can voice it. Doesn't prevent me from calling you f---ing r-----ed for spouting your misandry. HOW DOES IT F---ING FEEL C---? I hope you expire and never have children."

"I had to put everything on private, for my own mental health," she told Insider. "I just had to shut down my profile. I will never, ever, ever tweet about Star Wars again. And I love baby Yoda so much. But I can't. They won. Life's too short for me to fight this fight."

Even after setting her accounts to private, she was inundated by hundreds of follow requests on Twitter, along with DMs sent to her private Instagram.

Those who tweeted about female representation in 'The Mandalorian' stand by their words, despite the harassment

The person who tweeted the round-up of critics didn't want to share any identifying information with Insider, but did stand behind the tweet, and said they didn't participate in or encourage harassment, but the reach of the account became clear once Insider asked for comment in the replies. Within a few hours, a video had been uploaded about this article (which had not been written yet) to YouTube from a channel with more than 130,000 subscribers.

The video in question has been viewed more than 33,000 times and highlights the mentality in at least one corner of the Star Wars fandom that is male-dominated and is aggressive toward diverse media representation.

"What SJWs do is as soon as this kind of thing happens, they identify [the Twitter account that posted the round-up] as hostile to their narrative [...] I would call them left-wing garbage," the voiceover of YouTuber ComicArtistPro Secrets says in the video. "They are going to come in and write an article smearing [the Twitter account], 'Don't you dare shine a light on these cockroaches in such an effective way ever again,'" The YouTuber mocked, referring to the feminist critics as the "cockroaches" in the situation.

"This is a strategy that these sorts of anti-progressive, very regressive cyber mobs have used for years," Sarkeesian said. "They try to use social justice language against us when we try to bring these issues up but it's so transparent and so obvious what they're trying to do, by undermining our point. It's very bad faith."

Writer and programmer David Ely, a male who's tweet was included in the roundup, told Insider that his replies were pretty tame in comparison to Sarkeesian and the other woman Insider spoke to, although he did receive one unspecified death threat from an account that he blocked.

"Part of the response seems to come from a belief that Star Wars needn't be political. That it be pure entertainment," Ely told Insider. "Star Wars is a made-up universe. If gender inequality exists there, it's either on purpose, or because the creator's biases meant they didn't notice it. Either way, that's political."

Sarkeesian also stood by her original point that "The Mandalorian" should have more female characters, and said a lot of the negative response was because there's so much pushback from people who have historically been over-represented on the screen, and are hostile to the changing expectations for diverse characters that represent the diverse Star Wars fanbase.

"We are so accustomed to male-dominated narratives that it's easy to not even notice glaring omissions," she said. "Unlike if the entire cast had been women, I suspect everyone would have immediately noticed that regardless of what one's opinion would be on that casting choice."

MAYBE ITS NOT FOR YOU ANITA....

[jovialyouthmusic]

Kiss from a Rose

A Valentine’s Day adventure

Pairing - Bastien Lykel and Sophia Turner from my TRR AU of Protect and Serve and Silver Service. 

This is a three part fic, the final chapter will be posted on Valentine’s day. Exceptionally fluffy with a good dose of smut in the final chapter - so 

NO UNDER 18s PLEASE

This chapter features my good Tumblr friend @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria​ or Erin, as it’s set in her home city, Edinburgh, which I visit regularly. Many thanks to her for letting me know the trendy places to go. I hope you enjoy it, darling xx

If you haven’t read any previous works with Sophia and Bastien, all you need to know is that this takes place after Anton has been on trial and locked away. Riley ended up with Drake and Liam is involved loosely with Olivia. Sophia is a member of staff at the Royal Palace in Cordonia who joined shortly before the social season that Riley took part in. She is English and the devoted LI of head of the King’s Guard Bastien Lykel. 

Word Count 4027

1 Athens of the North

‘What do you mean, you’ll be passing over us?’ Sophia’s mother’s voice was shrill at the other end of the phone line. ‘Are you flying in the Royal Jet?’ Sophia squeezed the bridge of her nose.

‘It’s okay Mum, don’t get so excited. King Liam will be visiting Queen Elizabeth at Holyrood later this year, and Bastien has to go over to liaise with her security team. I’m going with him – and yes, it will be in the Royal Jet so I’ll be in Edinburgh next week. I’m sorry we won’t be able to stop off and see you, time is tight - but if you want to fly up…’

‘Me, fly again?’ her mother’s voice was still shrill ‘I still haven’t got over that ghastly flight over the Alps in December’ Sophia groaned. Her mother was not a good traveller at the best of times, and Christmas time had not been a good choice. Her father had told her of the turbulence they had encountered on the way back, which made her mother fear another trip.

‘Well never mind, perhaps we can come and visit you later in the year’ Sophia sighed. Bastien frowned at her and tapped his wrist. ‘I’m sorry Mum, I have to go. Give my love to Dad – yes – love you lots – bye…’ She dropped her head in frustration.

‘I’m sorry theá mou, that didn’t sound harmonious’ Bastien said

‘No, she’s still going on about the flight back last time’ Sophia sighed ‘But it does mean we’ll have some time to ourselves in Edinburgh’ In the back of her mind she wondered what might be on the itinerary, as they would be there for Valentine’s day. She didn’t presume that her lover would do anything to celebrate it as he would be working a lot of the time, but she knew he never missed an opportunity to make her feel special. He walked over and drew her into his arms.

‘I’m sorry Sophia, I don’t know how much time I’ll have to spend with you’ he replied.

‘It’s fine, Erin and I can catch up. It will be good to see her again, and I can see my friend Les too’

She knew the city well, having spent some time researching for her college thesis in the library there and taking a job later on in her career. It would be cold compared to Cordonia, and possibly wet and windy, but you never could tell with British weather. They might be lucky and hit a mild spell, or it could very well feel like all four seasons in one day. The city wasn’t big, and a shopping trip or a tour of Art galleries were both possible in bad conditions. She was excited to be going back there with Bastien and her friends.

------

Sophia settled down into the plush leather seat and buckled herself in. It was her first time on the royal jet, and she was delighted to have so much space. Bastien sat facing her, and Drake and Riley had seats on the other side of the aisle. They would be staying in Edinburgh at a different hotel before carrying on to a regular flight to New York afterwards. It was the day before Valentine’s Day.

‘This is rather special’ she smiled, and Bastien squeezed her hand. She was not a nervous flyer, and looked forward to looking out at the view when they took off.

‘I barely travel on regular flights’ Bastien said ‘I must admit it’s good not to have to queue or check your bags in, and to have plenty of leg space.’

Happily, a plane journey with Bastien was more pleasant than a road trip. He pointed out various landmarks as they flew toward the English Channel, when she was thrilled to fly over the island where her parents still lived, and on which she grew up. After that it was Sophia who pointed things of significance out to the other three. Bastien smiled to see her so excited to be visiting her home country. She had been born in the Midlands and she and her parents had moved to the tiny island in the English channel when she was little. She had gone to university in the north of England, and worked in Scotland before she had applied for the job in Cordonia. Despite the length of the journey, it didn’t seem long before they were taxiing along the runway. They were only a short tram ride away from the city centre, but they took a taxi which dropped Drake and Riley off at their hotel on Regent’s Terrace before taking Bastien and Sophia to the prestigious Balmoral Hotel right in the centre of the city on the main thoroughfare, Princes Street.

Bastien would be visiting the palace the next day to liaise with his counterpart there, but they had the afternoon and evening to settle into their hotel and perhaps do a little sightseeing. The car drew into a service entrance before they could get out, and their luggage was whisked away to their rooms while they checked in at reception. Sophia was delighted with their suite, which looked out over the famous Edinburgh Castle and along Princes Street, taking in the tall monument to Sir Walter Scott, famous writer of many books in his time. They had their own lounge as well as a huge bathroom with a walk in shower and corner bathtub.

As soon as the door had closed, Sophia flung her arms around Bastien’s neck for a passionate kiss.

‘My goddess’ he smiled as they stopped for air ‘I feel you’re very eager to put me through my paces’

‘We didn’t manage to join the mile high club’ she said in a sultry tone ‘So the least you can do is make love to me in a five star hotel with a stunning view of a historic landmark or two’

‘Nothing would give me greater pleasure’ he growled, loosening his tie.

------

Sophia had a glow and a spring in her step as she and Bastien made their way up the steep steps of Calton Hill which overlooked the city and held the famous national monument, observatory and Nelson’s Tower. The observatory at the very top had been developed recently and featured a new restaurant with extensive views through a huge ninety degree picture window, and Bastien had booked a table for the two of them.

Sophia caught onto Bastien’s arm as he negotiated the steps with his cane, but it was more to offer support if he needed it than to drag at him. He smiled, knowing her little trick and appreciating how caring she was. The higher they went, the more his thigh ached, but it was not challenging enough to slow him down much. He believed it was improving, and were he to come in a year’s time, he might make it to the top without any discomfort.

They were soon sitting overlooking the lights of the city as the light faded. The sun had set quietly and without spectacle. The hill was very popular with tourists and photographers alike, and many a photo had been taken and posted online and shared around the world. Perhaps the morning would bring colour in the sky, or the next afternoon – as it was February the sun would set in the late afternoon and rise around eight in the morning, so it wasn’t challenging to try and catch a spectacular shot.

‘This place was more or less derelict when I worked here’ Sophia explained to Bastien. ‘This is such an improvement. I’m looking forward to seeing inside the observatory in the morning.’ Bastien was reading the menu, and she reached toward him over the table. He took her hand without even looking away from the menu. Her eyes prickled, her heart skipped a beat and she squeezed his fingers. He looked over at her, puzzled.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘I love you, Bastien Lykel’ she said softly. She picked his hand up and kissed it and he responded by taking hers and drawing it to his chest.

‘And I you – with all my heart, my goddess’ he affirmed. They smiled fondly, lost in each other’s gaze for a few moments.

‘Sir, Madam, are you ready to order?’ Sophia jumped as the waiter spoke. She wondered how long he had been standing waiting for them to notice him. She had barely skimmed the menu, but Bastien had it all under control

‘We’ll have a bottle of champagne – the Veuve Cliquot - and the tasting menu’ he said. The waiter nodded and turned away. ‘The tasting menu has a small portion of everything to try’ Bastien explained in a low voice. ‘The couple on the table in the corner have it – the portions aren’t over generous but I’m sure you won’t mind that’ His eyes sparked, and she coloured, knowing that he wasn’t talking about sating just one appetite. She rarely over ate because it meant less opportunity to make love – a full belly was not compatible with their libidos.

‘I don’t know’ she said in a low tone ‘we need to keep our strength up’ Underneath the table she stretched out her leg and rubbed his ankle with her foot.

‘Room service is available twenty four hours’ he rumbled, leaning toward her. At that point the waiter arrived with the champagne and poured a little for Bastien to test, and he leaned back in his chair.

‘For the lady too?’ the waiter asked when the guard looked up at him and frowned slightly. He nodded and poured a little for her too. There was a flash of amusement in Bastien’s eyes as they both sipped.

‘What do you think, my sweet?’ he asked, and she furrowed her brow, pausing for a moment as she kept the wine in her mouth and rolled it around. She wasn’t sure if it was the correct procedure for champagne, but she hoped her bluff convinced the waiter. She swallowed, making a face of approval. She certainly wasn’t about to spit it out as she had seen some doing. Casting her mind back, she remembered Riley had lessons in wine tasting with the Beaumonts back when she was representing them in the social season. She resolved to ask her about it later.

‘Acceptable’ she nodded gravely, and the waiter poured more for both of them before leaving them to drink it. The main feature of the menu was that every ingredient was locally sourced, and it made for a very interesting range of dishes. Before long, the starters arrived – three small plates bearing food, and an empty plate each to sample the dishes. The waiter described the dishes for them, and instead of serving any of it out onto their plates, Bastien gave her a little to taste. There was a dish of trout with an accompanying relish, one of artichoke, ricotta and hazelnuts, and one of raw beef with wild garlic. She decided she liked the trout best and the beef least, so Bastien served her a little of the beef, halved the artichoke dish, and gave her most of the trout.

The food was not over generous as Bastien had said, but what it lacked in quantity it more than made up for in taste and texture. Sophia rolled her eyes and curled her toes at the delicately balanced flavours. Bastien looked at her in amusement.

‘What is it?’ she asked. His eyes flashed with amusement as he leaned closer to speak quietly.

‘You made that face only a couple of hours ago in our hotel suite’ Her eyes widened.

‘You mean – that’s my…’ she stopped ‘I make that expression when I…’ Bastien was trying hard not to laugh out loud, but he was very amused as his goddess flushed red. ‘You’re teasing me’ she hissed, but he shook his head and put his hand on his heart.

‘I speak the truth’ he whispered, and Sophia huffed.

‘Well you taste it’ she said, slightly miffed. Bastien was still trying not to laugh, but he took a small mouthful, rolling his eyes and mimicking her expression. She kicked him under the table, making sure it was his ‘good’ leg.

‘Just like that’ he teased. He gathered himself together ‘I’m sorry Sophia’ he said ‘Truly, it’s not exactly the same, but it is very similar’ She scowled a little, and he reached across the table to take her hand ‘It’s wonderful’ he said ‘I love that face. It means you’re happy, and if you’re happy, so am I’ Sophia tilted her head to the side, her expression softening a little.

‘Okay, I’ll consider forgiving you for laughing at me’ she said reluctantly. The waiter reappeared to clear their plates away, and it wasn’t long before the main course came. This time the options were scallops, crab and langoustine, and wild duck. Sophia was pleased at the selection of seafood, and this time Bastien just split each dish evenly. At the first taste, Sophia rolled her eyes again, but this time she exaggerated it, and under the table she slipped her shoe off and rubbed Bastien’s ankle. She made a sound of appreciation, and was rewarded by watching him nervously try to loosen his tie, looking sideways at the other diners.

‘This is divine’ she breathed, putting as much feeling into her words as she could. Bastien swallowed and his eyes darkened. He leaned over the table toward her

‘I think you’ve paid me back with interest’ he said quietly ‘any more of that and I’ll be tempted to clear the table and…’

‘Is everything okay with your meal, Sir?’ The waiter appeared at Bastien’s side, and he jumped. He recovered quickly, clearing his throat and answering

‘Yes, it’s excellent – pass our appreciation on to the chef please’

‘Certainly Sir – more champagne?’ he asked, as although their glasses were full, the bottle was empty.

‘No thankyou, but if you have a bottle of Glenkinchie I’ll have a glass with water on the side please.’ He glanced at Sophia ‘Will you try a glass of whiskey, my dear?’ Sophia smiled sweetly.

‘Of course, darling’ She gave Bastien’s ankle another nudge, and he drew it back out of her reach with a stern look. She sighed and carried on eating and sipping at the cool effervescent wine, savouring every mouthful. They finished their main course in silence, but they had attained a truce for the moment. The champagne finished, the whiskey was brought over in cut glass tumblers with a jug of water. Bastien took a tiny sip of the neat spirit before adding a drop of water, picking the glass up again and inhaling the aroma.

The dessert menu arrived, and Sophia beamed with anticipation. She had a sweet tooth though Bastien did not, but he often shared dishes with her, making the excuse that it would keep her waistline trim.

‘Though I would love you whatever shape you were’ he would affirm, and Sophia would eye him warily but say nothing. She looked at the menu in confusion. Bastien cocked an eyebrow at her. She leaned over and whispered

‘I have absolutely no idea what any of these things are’ she confided ‘or at least I can recognise the words – it is English after all – but it doesn’t sound very inspiring’ she looked down the list ‘What on earth is ‘Elric’s log’? I can’t tell you what I think it might be.’

‘I’m sure the waiter will enlighten us’ Bastien assured her, but she made a face. At that moment, Bastien’s phone chimed with a text message. He looked at it briefly, seeing it was a text from Drake. Sophia spoke before he could tell her.

‘Can we leave dessert?’ she asked, keeping her voice low ‘I have a much better idea’ Bastien frowned, but he saw her earnest expression. He looked over at the waiter and raised a hand to beckon him over.

‘Can we have the bill please?’ he asked

‘But sir, you haven’t had dessert yet’ Bastien pursed his lips and looked at his phone

‘Unfortunately I’ve been called away on important business, I have to go as soon as I can’

‘I’m so sorry Sir.’ The waiter said with concern ‘I’ll get the bill immediately’

 Minutes later, the two of them walked back down the hill arm in arm. Sophia was used to the cooler climate and wore a tweed jacket and a knitted cashmere hat, but Bastien found it cold and wore a stylish Italian wool coat that just skimmed his knees, and a woollen hat and thick scarf, whereas Sophia’s scarf was more for show than warmth. Their breath showed in the cool air, but it was still and the stars shone brightly.  

‘I’m sorry Bas – I know you’re not fond of dessert anyway, but it was just so - pretentious. I hope they didn’t charge you’ Sophia said apologetically

‘No, but they were a bit stressed trying to work out the new charges’ he said ‘I tipped them so they got almost the same as if we’d had everything and not tipped, so they can’t be too upset.’ He squeezed her hand ‘So, what was your idea for an alternative?’

‘Gelato’ her eyes shone ‘There’s an Italian restaurant very close – not even as far as the hotel – that makes award winning gelato’

‘I’m actually very partial’ he smiled. Her eyes it up

‘That’s wonderful! I used to go with Mark for pizza’ she said thoughtfully ‘The portions were so generous I never had room for gelato’ Bastien felt an unaccustomed stab of jealousy at the mention of her former lover. She felt him tense, and hugged his arm tighter.

‘I’m so happy to be here with you’ she said ‘There are lots of places to show you – we can make new memories together’ He smiled fondly, reassured of her affection.

‘I hope I won’t be kept too late tomorrow. You can show Drake and Riley round if you like, and with luck I’ll see you for dinner’

‘I’ve seen round Holyrood Palace’ she said ‘But of course you’ll be working in the parts the public don’t get to see’

‘I’m sorry they won’t allow me to take you round’ he said ‘They are extremely strict as to who enters, and with good cause’ Sophia shrugged as they came to the restaurant. The décor was oddly reminiscent of an American diner, but the staff were all Italian, and the menu was too.

‘Here we are’ she said, ‘Let’s hope they aren’t busy, it’s too cold to wander the streets with gelato’ Luckily it was quiet and they were able to take a table after ordering a scoop each. Sophia chose prosecco and strawberry and Bastien had panacotta and salted caramel, and they shared.

‘Really you can’t beat mint choc chip’ Sophia asserted ‘but I can’t resist trying this one’

‘I favour double chocolate chip’ Bastien said ‘but this is acceptable’

‘I’ll come in with Les tomorrow and try a sundae’ Sophia said ‘I don’t have room for one right now.’

‘That’s an excellent idea’ Bastien smiled ‘Drake and Riley are at a place called the Black Bull just around the corner, we can pick them up there. Where are we going next?’

‘We’re meeting Erin at a place called Tiger Lily on George Street’ she said ‘It’s about ten minutes’ walk away. I’ve not been there – it’s new, but places open and close all the time’ The two finished their dessert and met Drake and Riley at the Black Bull, which turned out to be similar to the place Riley used to work at in New York – a creditable dive bar frequented largely by bikers in studded leather jackets - before they set off across the city. Although the shops were closed, there were plenty of revellers walking around going to the many bars and restaurants and clubs. Soon they had reached their destination and her friend stood up from their table to wave them over. She was blonde and petite, and had similar looks to Sophia. Her partner was much taller – about the same height as Bastien. His hair was lighter, his shoulders as broad as the older man’s.

‘Sophia – it’s so good to see you’ Erin cried, throwing her arms around her before pulling away to introduce her partner ‘This is Sean – Sean, Sophia’

‘Nice to meet you’ Sophia replied, shaking his hand, and indicated the others ‘This is my partner Bastien, and I told you about Drake and Riley’ Erin’s eyes flicked to Bastien, and he reached out his hand and shook hers firmly. Her eyes widened a little in awe before she turned to Drake – and flushed red to the roots of her hair. Their handshake lingered a little longer, and Sophia nudged her, clearing her throat. She seemed to be having trouble tearing her eyes away from him, but at last she did, turning to Riley, who gave her a sharp look as they clasped hands. Erin looked back to Sean and took his arm affectionately as if to reassure him as he in turn shook hands with the others, and Riley visibly relaxed.

‘How are you finding Edinburgh? asked Erin as they all sat

‘I’ve been before, very briefly’ said Bastien. ‘I find it intriguing – the old town and the new town.’

‘It’s an incredible place’ Riley affirmed ‘It’s just oozing with history – and I can see where JK Rowling got her inspiration for Harry Potter’

‘You have some great dive bars’ grinned Drake ‘and the whiskey…’ he rolled his eyes ‘I’m in heaven’

‘This is a lovely place’ Bastien waved around at the plush surroundings – notably the ceiling covered in decorative cherry blossoms, the marble bar and dark wood tables, low walled booths upholstered with padded leather, the pillars covered with mosaic mirrors, the bright modern lighting.

‘It’s rather special’ Erin smiled, and looked thoughtful for a moment ‘I don’t know what you’re used to, but there’s no table service here - you need to go to the bar to order drinks’

‘Oh, I see - I’ll get the next round’ Bastien offered ‘What do you want, ladies?’ Sophia was looking at the cocktail menu, perplexed, but Erin was ready  

‘I’ll have a glass of Chardonnay please, Bastien’ He nodded and turned to Sophia

‘There’s far too much choice’ she said ‘I’ll have a glass of prosecco, that shouldn’t be too challenging’

‘Sophia honey, you need to live a little!’ cried Riley ‘Bastien may have to work tomorrow, but the rest of us are as free as birds, it’s the weekend’ She nudged her ‘I’ll choose for you, darling’

‘Really, I’ve already had champagne and whiskey’ she protested ‘and I hate hangovers, they’re such a waste of time’ She looked at the list again. Bastien was beginning to realise that Sophia was often overwhelmed when given a choice – the menu at the restaurant had been too much for her as well.

‘Have an old fashioned’ Bastien suggested ‘That’s whiskey based, but with soda so it’s a longer drink’

‘I’ll have a Manhatten’ grinned Riley

‘You should try a Gentleman’s Agreement, that’s whiskey based’ Sean piped up ‘I tried it first time I brought Erin here. It’s the best I’ve ever tasted’

‘It was our first date’ she smiled, squeezing his hand.

‘Thank you Sean, I like the name’ Bastien responded. ‘Does that sound good to you?’ he asked Drake, who nodded enthusiastically, and Bastien rose from his seat ‘I’ll be back shortly’ Sophia shifted toward the end of the leather upholstered bench.

‘I just need to go to the Ladies’ she said ‘Where is it, Erin?’

‘It’s past the bar to the right’ she replied, and Sophia made her way past the bar to find the bathroom.  She soon came back out to see Bastien still at the bar, waiting for his order. She was about to make her way over to help him carry the drinks back to their table, when she heard a familiar male voice that froze her in her tracks, hair on the back of her neck prickling.

‘Sophia? Sophia, is that you?’

[dailyaudiobible]

02/13/2021 DAB Transcript

Ex 35:10-36:38, Matt 27:32-66, Ps 34:1-10, Pr 9:7-8

Today is the 13th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's great to be here with you. It's a joy as we bring to a close another one of our weeks together. And they…they just kind of go by don’t they. And like hear we are, like middle of the second month of the year already. Here we are. And that’s just it…that’s just it. That’s how life goes, but it becomes really really apparent as we enter into the rhythm of the Scriptures and continue to absorb them day by day just to mark the time. Here we are the middle of February and it won't be long before we’re saying here we are in the middle of September. So, let's continue to buckle in. Let's continue to really invest our hearts into what the Scriptures are telling us because by the time we get to that time we’re…we’re like, “can you believe it is the middle of September?” We can be different people than we are right now. If we follow this path and we keep on this path day by day step-by-step and not just be hearers but be doers, yeah, by the time we’re saying, can you believe it’s the middle of September allot will have shifted in our lives. And, so, let’s dive in and take the next step for this week, which is the final step of this week. We’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible. Exodus chapter 35 verse 10 through 36 verse 38.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another week to spend together in Your word. And Jesus, we have spent…spent a good portion of this week just…just being in Your last days telling the story of Your last days, Your arrest, the betrayal, the trial and now Your crucifixion, execution unjustly and Your burial. And we can often…we can often zoom to the end of the story. In fact, we do because it's too painful. It...it’s hard to contemplate what happened to You. It's hard to contemplate that it happened on our behalf. It humbles us but we want to move past that to the resurrection and it's important that we that we do but not before we sit with this, that You are our Savior. And we just…we’ve just gone through the whole book of Matthew watching Your ministry unfold, watching the way that You were simply calling the truth out from the shadows and how that riled things up so much, that this…this what we read today, this…this is happening and gives us such a stark glimpse of how dark things can get, of how dark things had gotten, about how dark things have gotten. And, so, we cling to You and we cling with hope. And Yes, we can turn the page, and yes, we can read of the resurrection. But it's important for us to stay here and wait for that as we sit with what it cost to let us be here, so freely reading Your word, and so freely interacting, so freely up moving around. And You died to make us free. And, so, Holy Spirit come. Show us how to meditate upon that today and sit with that we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

H DAB family this is Sonya in Austin TX and I'm just calling to…it's February 10th and Brian was talking about wisdom, listening, and taking that heartbeat minute to pause before you speak and my gosh, I wish I would've done that last night. My husband was trying to talk to me, and I opened my mouth and it just became ugly and it shouldn't have been ugly I should have kept my mouth quiet and actually listened. And instead made him feel bad about his job and situation and that of course wasn't my intent, but I seem to sabotage this when he tries to open up to me and I need to be quiet and I need to let wisdom speak. So, just pray for wisdom to enter into me sooner, to kick me, to…to staple my tongue down, be quiet and to listen to my husband in the future. And I do pray that you lift Michael up and help him to get a job where he'll be satisfied. He's working in a school cafeteria and just…he isn't happy and it's not where God wants him to be. And the people he works with are just…they are very nice people but they're not competent. And, so, he's doing three peoples’ jobs and then if something slips by then he's the manager so he's the one who gets in trouble. So, he's constantly having to go back in to do their jobs, simple things like counting and stuff because they're off on their numbers by a lot, not just like one or two, but by like 40. Again, nice people, but just…it's just very hard when you're basically doing everyone's job for them and then you take the blame. And I know there's a job out there that God has for him. So just please…

Hello this is sister Bridget from Northern California and I'm reaching out to my sister Hannah in New Zealand who called in asking for our prayers for her and her family as they grieve the loss of their dad who took his life. And I just want to say I'm so sorry sister Hannah and my heart…I know all our hearts are grieving with you all. And I want you to know that I am praying for you and I want to pray now for you and your family. Heavenly Father I thank You that You know us, You know the depths of our hearts and You…You know the depths of grief. And I want to thank You that You carried them Yourself. So interesting that we heard about You praying in the gardener Gethsemane before Your crucifixion, how You poured out Your heart and the grief and despair You experienced. Lord I thank You that You know that You…You enter in for us and I pray that Hannah and her family can be completely sustained by Your presence. Holy Spirit I ask for Your spirit of comfort and unity to bind them together. I pray that You would illuminate their darkness and help them to see…see Your presence and see You work wonders as You draw their hearts towards…

I am a stay-at-home mum to 3 little babies. The youngest ones nine months old and I'm married to a wonderful man who has who has a serious alcohol problem that's caused a lot of issues in our life, especially as of recently. And I'm just asking for prayer for how to deal with all of it and how to keep myself and keep my peace and how to help him as much as I can. I just need God to give me some peace about it and maybe start moving in his life because he's a good man and I'm not gonna leave him. He's not dangerous, he's just…he's got issues and I just need to know how to help him or I need God to help him. So, if you could pray for that it would mean a lot. Thank you.

Hello family this is Biola from Maryland and I hope you're all doing well. Brian and Jill God bless you. God bless your family and your ministry. Family I've been struck with so many prayer requests a lot of you are calling in and the weight of it all, you know. And I recall the scripture where Jesus was saying in this world you will have trouble but be of good cheer I have overcome the world beard. And...and, you know, sometimes it's it sounds so heavy and it's so witty and oh Lord Jesus I just bring everyone in the Daily Audio Bible family unto you oh God who is going through troubles and tribulations and trials and heaviness. And I just finished listening to you Greg and…and as you broke down and started, you know, asking for prayer and also crying I just…oh my goodness my heart was just gripped. Father Lord I pray that you would step into my brother’s situation oh God and intervene in the name of Jesus. Oh God I pray oh God Lord that you will show yourself strong on behalf of his family, that they will come to know you God Lord his wife oh God and his…his…his children oh God Lord his grandchildren they will come to know you as their Lord of passed down saviors. Hannah from New Zealand as a heard your prayer request too I was so burdened. Oh, father I pray oh God for my sister that you wrap your arms around her and her family members and that you will just heal them and comfort them oh God over the passing of their dad oh God Lord. And I pray for wisdom for them in this situation, that the fights will stop in the name of Jesus. Kingdom Seeker Daniel, I listened to your prayer request and I was just shaking my head and I'm like Oh my goodness. Oh, father Lord I arrest oh God every plan of the devil oh Lord of that family I cancel in the name of…

Good morning Daily Audio Bible community this is Diane Olive Braun an encourager one of many shalom shalom. I am adding my log to the campfire the Global Campfire and today this morning it is 5 minutes to 1:00 in the morning and I read…I listened and while Ezekiel and Ezekiel’s mama Jill together read the story of the betrayal of Jesus. And I'm still in the forgiveness area and how important it is and how hard it is. It must have been hard for Jesus to forgive all of those people that turned against him but if He's my example then I can look at how He had his Last Supper with Judas Iscariot and I think of Corrie Tenbaum, a story that helps me think about forgiveness when she met the…the Nazi soldier that was so mean to her and he stuck his hand out to shake her hand and by her own will she shook his hand and a power went through her hand and her arm…

Good morning my dear baby precious family this is Eyes of a Dove in Snoqualmie WA. It's been a while since I've called in, but I've been in the background listening and praying along with all of you. My dear little sister…oh…I can't remember your name but boy every morning I'm just praying for you. You called in about your mom with the drug addiction and she was blaming you out of her own guilt. You know, when we allow drugs into our lives it stops our brain from maturing and reasoning and our flesh, pride makes it very hard as adults and to turn back and say hey we made mistakes and we're making mistakes. And I want to tell you as a mom of four kids please let me be an example of your mom and tell you sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I've done drugs. I'm sorry that I am not loving myself the way God wants to love me and choosing not to do those drugs. I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I’ve made you scared. I made you feel broken and I'm sorry that I haven't been that example of a mom that you need. And I'm going to get better. And Father we lift up this precious little girl’s mummy. Father I ask that You would just begin to bring new life into her, Father that You would make drugs horrible tasting and feeling in her body, that she would have the desire to remove those from her life and to live a God centered life. And Father I pray You humble her and have her come to her daughter at full repentance. Thank You. Thank You for putting her in a home with her auntie an uncle so she can flourish and grow. And just continue to love and grow her in the name of Jesus. Amen. I’m beside you young lady. Keep calling in…