#there’s nothing wrong with taking meds btw

[leftmysoulbythesideoftheroad]

i don’t like taking medicine + i have adhd, and i forget that over the counter meds even exist. so when i do take something like midol for my cramps because they’re so bad i can’t stop thinking about it, it feels like fucking magic. like i just swallow these little guys, and 20 minutes later, i feel perfectly fine. my hips have stopped aching, i don’t feel like i’m going to throw up any more, my body can actually relax. it feels like i just took a health potion from a video game. and it’s silly because i always have this option but i almost never use it, and i don’t think most people even put this much thought into it. but i think about all the ways people who had periods have found methods to reduce suffering over the centuries, and it took so much testing and knowledge being passed down over the generations, and now i can just take a little pink pill and feel so much better. those remedies still exist, and they work, but not everyone has that knowledge passed onto them. how nice is it that people who were afab don’t have to struggle to find a method that works when there’s no one in their life to turn to? how wonderful that we don’t have to be in pain, and how excited our ancestors would be to see how easy it is for us. i didn’t mean to get all serious about this, but yeah. magic.

(*all of this applies to people like me who can take some midol when the pain is too much. it doesn’t work for everyone, and some have much more pain than others. i am not discounting those people, only speaking to my own and similar experiences. i hope everyone who suffers on their period can find a way to lessen the pain; we all deserve to be comfortable.)

[soupwife]

my guess is most actors have had whiskey before so why do they always do that silly grimace when they are pretending to drink it for money. they act like its scalding hot coffee or gone-off milk or something what is that face its just alcohol youve HAD alcohol

[asterdeer]

"free verse and not having to rhyme or keep a meter in poetry makes writing poetry more accessible for anyone to write it" we are surrounded by rhymes and meters the stupidest pop song on the top 40 is riddled with rhymes and meters anyone can do that shit anyone can fucking rhyme

you can rhyme

i can rhyme

rhyming is

a real good time

there rhyming poem done and dusted a single word over one syllable and it took me 7 seconds. it's a stupid poem but guess what it's still a poem. anyone can write fucking rhymed and metered poetry and it's insulting 2 me that people are still up free verse's ass when rhyming is so much fun and artificial restrictions that you choose for yourself can sometimes make creativity bloom so much more effectively than if you're only ever doing notes app poetry and calling it good. try doing a rhyme sometime or searching out different poetry forms. for gods sakes. can we be done with instapoetry yet are we over it can we move on can we have a new thing

[stxneflxwers]

between just you & me.

⋯⁂ summary. this is a birthday fic~

⋯⁂ a/n. as said in summary, this is a birthday fic. well, a belated birthday fic. for me. teehee. my birthday was on the 26th but whatever i can be late to my own birthday :D. btw i refuse to proof-read this. lol rip. this fic feels like an utter mess but whatever. this took forever to coherently come up with anyway. lol, lmao...

⋯⁂ characters. aventurine. gn reader.

⋯⁂ cw. all lowercase. fluffy-ish, teensy bit of hurt/comfort. eating (milkshakes and fries bc YUM). physical affection. reader heavily based on me cuz...it's...my birthday? don't like don't read ig. reader takes unspecified type(s) of medications. aventurine and reader struggling with disordered eating and/or small appetites.

"happy, happy birthday~"

you heard a familiar chirp in your ear as you were still resting in bed. sure, you're sleeping in, but there's nothing wrong with that on your own birthday, right?

it's your boyfriend. he leans over you, all with a huge yet genuine grin on his handsome face. and, of course, holding a bag of your usual meal choice and your favorite milkshake from a delightful little old-fashioned restaurant that you hold in high regard.

you're about to scold him for breaking in again, and then you remember just in time that you had recently given him a spare key to your apartment. you sigh softly, relieved to know he didn't break in.

"...birthday?" you then ask, your bleary eyes and sleepy mind not quite there just yet.

yes, you very much forgot that it's your birthday. but, in your defense, you just woke up.

"yes, darling dearest, it's your birthday. i figured i'd get you a little treat to start off the day just right," aventurine coos as he takes a seat on the edge of your plush bed, right next to you. "want me to feed you~?" he teases.

"oh my god, no–" you fluster, a pout forming on your bottom lip and in your brows.

"heh," the sly gambler chuckles breathily, "alright, alright. you can feed yourself. i trust you're capable?" he laughs heartily when you (very weakly) punch his bicep.

"what a way to start my day – getting sassed by my own darling boyfriend first thing." you playfully roll your eyes, a wry smirk on your lips.

you slowly sit up against the headboard of your bed, letting your limbs stretch far and wide as you yawn. he thinks you look like an adorable kitty like this, and he's quickly overcome with the desire to cover your face in little kisses. but, almost out of instinct, he holds back on his affections. for now.

he hands over your bag of food and over-the-top milkshake, tenderly smiling at how your eyes light up at the sight.

"thank you so much, vasha," you murmur and lean over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek, he nearly blushes, "it really is a great way to start my morning, regardless of your sassing." you smirk, sounding far more confident when you give him a verbal jab to his side.

"no problem. i'm more than happy to indulge your cravings whenever." he hesitates, his hand stuttering mid-air, but he ultimately rubs your head a little.

"hmhm, good boy," you grin when he blushes faintly at the praise, "...do you want some?" you offer, picking out a french fry and holding it out to him.

he hesitates. almost visibly tensing up at the offer.

before he can reject the offer, you comfort him, "i don't mind, really. besides... i can hardly eat all of this myself. not to mention, did you even eat this morning–"

"did you take your meds last night?" he immediately retorts, interjecting. he loves you, but damn, he's concerned too, you know?

he had noticed that you missed your yesterday's evening medications as he passed through the bedroom to deliver your meal. he sighed when he noticed.

"i–" you sputter, "...is that why i'm feeling so weird right now?" you stare down at the crispy fry in your hand, eyes narrowing.

he snorts lightly, "probably." he jumps up to his feet, walking over to your desk to grab the circular medication container that's ordered by each day of the week. how convenient!

once you take your meds, you tentatively munch on your delightful food and milkshake. you wish you could share with him without him getting so evasive, even though you can strongly relate to his...aversions.

when he notices your slow, small bites, he frowns a little, "...you alright, sweetheart?"

you're quiet for a long moment. you two can barely lie to each other's faces. you know each other too well because you both experience similar emotions and thoughts – practically two peas in a pod.

"uhm..." you fluster, "oh, you know me... it's hard eating around others..." you sigh.

"do you want me to leave–"

"no! please, stay," you pout, grabbing his sleeve before he can leave, "you don't have to eat any, but please don't leave me alone too much today...?" you whisper, eyes darting away from his knowing stare.

"i promise i won't leave you today. at all." he quickly sits down next to you, allowing a tender smile that's reserved only for you to form on his face.

"thank you." you sigh in relief.

you two continue to chat, the subjects of conversation varying greatly – bouncing from topic to topic. at some point, he holds out his hand to request a fry, even though the tremble is obvious.

he wants to try as many times as possible, all for you.

and you'll gladly support him each step of the way.

[hx4x4enthusiast]

your papa prime head cannons are spot on! Though I wonder what papa prime would do if and when he realizes that his autobots/kids are like his sparklings (btw I love your writing style!)

Aww, thank you for the kind words. I love this so here a short story about how I think he would discover that he is running sire protocol aka

Optimus realizes he is now a dad.

Optimus fluff

Words: 812

It was a quiet day in the base, the entire week was for the bots peaceful the cons didn’t try to destroy the earth yet again and the kids were out using the holidays to visit family. Miko was in Tokyo visiting her parents and catching up with friends, Raf and his family went to Mexico for his cousins Quinceanera and to catch up and even Jack and his mom went on a trip to Canada to visit Junes Sister.

The bots used the rare tranquility, in different ways, Arcee went out more training her parkour skills, Bumblebee visit the Griffin Rock stationed Rescue Team. Meanwhile Bulkhead joined Wheeljack on a “space adventure” and even Ratchet allowed himself to rest more. Truly a perfect time to relax before the storm comes again and the efforts to end the war start anew.

And yet Optimus could not sit still, since the beginning of the week his frame has been acting up. It started with the itching of his plating as if nano ticks are biting into his mesh, then his fans and vents acted up leaving him sometimes unable to move from the cold or borderline delirious from the heat. When parts of his frame started to move, like his right leg transforming, making him stumble into his work desk he had enough.

“Old friend, could I ask for your expertise?”

“Oh? What a rare occasion to find you willingly come into the med bay. To what do I owe this pleasure of your visit Optimus?”

“My frame has been acting up in various ways and I cannot fathom on what may have caused this.”

“Well then let’s get you checked out come on take a seat.”

Optimus did as instruct while Ratchet readied the scans to run a complete diagnostic on his frame. With the last scan complete a frown made its way onto Ratchets face plate.

“Well Optimus physically there is nothing wrong with your frame, everything is in working order, energy levels are good. But what concerns me is your spark activity, normally it is in a very calm even lower compared to the others due to the influence of the matrix, but your current scan shows a hyperactivity, like you are in a high stress situation.”

“Curios, I have never felt like this before.”

“Hm, well let me run a protocol diagnostic scan maybe one of your battle protocols activated or is damaged. Lay down, go into power-down and I will see what I can find.”

“Very well, Ratchet.”

Laughter is what rose the Prime out of his power down, as his optics finally came back online he was met with the sight of Wheeljack laughing, Arcee getting a packet of rust sticks from both Bumblebee and Bulkhead and Ratchet standing on the side shaking his head in disapproval, before realizing Optimus woke up.

“Well Optimus, I have found the cause of your well, functioning problems, so I ran the protocol diagnostic scan and in good news all of your battle protocols are in perfect working order, matter of fact all of your protocols are working fine.”

“Then what would cause my flare-ups, old friend?”

“Well like I said all of your protocols are running fine and well- “

“Ha, your running sire protocol Prime, oh I never thought I see the day. Oh, this is too good.”

“WHEELJACK!”

An angry shout, followed by the sound of a wretch making contact with a piece of metal, the piece of metal being Wheeljacks helm, echoed through the base. Letting out a puff of air through his vents, Ratchet turned back around to face Optimus.

“What he said is true though, your sire protocols are running and that on overdrive.”

That day, at that time, something happened which has never happened before and will never happen again. Optimus was at a loss for words.

“But this doesn’t seem plausible I am not with a sparking neither have…I…adopted…one…”

A look of realization crossed over the Primes features.

“The children.”

“Yes, Optimus your spark has formed a spark bond with each of the children and seeing the effect it has of you they, though most unknowingly, accepted it and with that you as their sire.”

“When are the children coming back?”

“Soon Optimus, Raf is as far as I know already on his way back, they will arrive tomorrow.”

“And Miko told me she takes the plane from Tokyo tomorrow.” Bulkhead added.

“Jack and his mom should arrive either today late in the night or tomorrow morning to noon.” Arcee mentioned offhandedly.

“Well, I believe it is in the best of interest to wait until all of them arrive and see how we will proceed from there. I will excuse myself then I will see you tomorrow.”

With that Optimus exited the med bay not seeing the knowing smirk on his medic’s faceplate.

[soaked-ghost]

The fandom being ableist with Ink is so true actually and it's so unfortune really. People have been complaining about this since 2019 and still nothing fucking changed..

Also, there's a lot of tropes that this fandom uses with him and all of them somehow ties to 'disability' tropes. Like the 'evil and mean because of their disabilty', 'Ink provides character growth to other characters, but never himself', 'infantalized by everyone and treated as an animal', 'his lack of soul must be cured or he'll never be happy' or the 'becoming soulless is a fate worse than death etc..'

I'm aware that in Undertale, the interpretation of soullessness being some somekind of disabilty is purely interpetative and perhaps not even Toby Fox's original intention with this concept but with Ink however, it 100% is (i could even argue that comyet landed in some dangerous writing paths by making his condiction a clear parallel to disabilities, but this is for another day). Ink is totally unable to function without his vials canonically, as he's stated as being unable to move, interact, talk, think etc... If that's not a disability i don't know what it is.

I'm not EVEN going to talk about the horrible tropes people use for his vials (yes, a lot of them ties to ableist tropes about medications). Some people treat his vials as the most horrible and sad things ever, when it's like..... just medication?? What's so 'edgy' and 'horrible' about having to take medications anyways??

exactly!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!

u were able to word every single one of my thoughts in a single ask!!

The problem is that people have a WAY TOO EDGY perception of ink as a person, so anything connected to him is turned into something horrible and evil

Which is STUPID and DUMB because ink is literally supposed to be a nice guy

Take how people portray ink when he runs out of paint and becomes 'empty'. I've said this before but ink when he's 'empty' genuinely sounds like the lowest point of a depressed person. (And depression is considered a disability btw)

he becomes numb to everything around him, he can barely bother to care or move or speak, he's literally just super depressed in that state but people INSIST that it's actually creepy and spooky thing when he's empty :/

He's literally just feeling bad what is wrong with u.......

He never gets a chance to be good, he's always scheming something or thinking about stabbing people in the back, like ALWAYS. and when he's demanded an explanation he always gives the 'because I'm soulless' answer which bruuuuuuuuuh be for real.

This fandom has a loooooong history of just being plane bad at having takes about characters and also just having terrible media literacy

And about the point u've made about his vials being always dramatically edgy for no reason. Not only is it treated like the worse thing ever for a person to go through, have u guys noticed that even with his vials, his emotions are not 'real'? like his vials don't work or make him even more of a liar? and the 'artificiality' of his emotions when he takes his vials are always treated as bad?

Like bro those are his MEDS what are u insinuating??

His vials literally help him function!! what are u trying to say when ur telling me that it's bad because it's 'artificial'????

The problem with ink is that he is covered in layers and layers of misunderstandings, ableism, and a lack of understanding of themes and arcs.

What ink is supposed to represent is not that people without souls are evil and unredeemable!! he's supposed to represent that u can bounce back from ur darkest hours and live on a full happy life despite what might limit u!!

[wellthatschaotic]

btw i am documenting the healing process of my dog bite for writers/artists who want to know what a fresh/healing dog bite looks like

disclaimer: this was most likely a play nip gone (very) wrong, blue isn't aggressive he's just a dumbass- if the dog your character is bit by is aggressive/trying to hurt On Purpose, it'll probably be a lot worse. he is a big strong doggy though so it did hurted like HELL

we also went to the urgent care immediately for proper antibiotics and bandages so if your character doesn't have access to those the nurse said about 50% of dog bites get infected. also its best to keep them covered so even if your character doesn't have meds a makeshift bandage is better than nothing

putting pictures under a cut because yucky

day 1:

took this right after the bite (mostly because i wanted to make sure if my boss needed proof or something i'd have it) so. at this point stung like HELL to the point where i started crying and i don't cry from physical pain often (very easily from emotional pain but that's beside the point). hurt to walk on/put pressure on and ESPECIALLY to touch the area of the wound itself

day 2:

took this while changing bandage (was told to change it once a day). it looks. about the same. slightly more bruised. less pain than day 1 but only slightly

forgor to take pictures for day 3 and 4 but essentially the bruising just went Up and the pain went Down (i can put as much weight as i want on the leg by end of day 3, but no touching the wound without pain)

day 5:

...yeah it's bruised pretty bad BUT there's no infection (so you can make the wound pretty gory if you want even without infecting it). it looks worse in person too. none of those colors are the color skin should be. you can also see the outline of the bandages lmao. in terms of pain the only time it hurts is when i put any pressure on the wounded area. rest of leg is now completely unaffected

will continue to update when i rember 👍

[babybluebex]

sad little billy knight thought bc i'm sleepy and i love pain.

when you hug him, he'll pull away and curl into himself. he's scared because nobody has even been close to him unless they tried to hurt him afterwards (or maybe it's just what his brain tricks him into thinking) then he'll start apologizing like crazy. at first you'd think he'd apologizing for pulling away so you tell him it's okay and that he did nothing wrong but then he says that he's sorry for being so hard to love, for how it's almost impossible for him to just let himself go and trust you wholly even when he knows that you deserve his trust, he apologizes for not getting better even though he promised he would and for how he's so incurable and hopeless that even the meds he's taking know there's no point in fixing him because he'll get worse again anyway so why try :((

(hope ur meeting goes well btw <3)

sniffle sniffle... my sweetest boy... he's always apologizing for everything because the way he grew up, he was always at fault for something and even into his adulthood, his brother blames him for a lot, and he's just always sorry, but you love him anyway and move at his speed. if he wants a hug, you'll let him, but if he wants space, you don't push it. you assure him that he's not hard to love and that you're there for the long haul no matter what, and that loving him the best thing you've ever done :'(

[therealfailwhale]

Had my very first pain-related breakdown last night.

Backstory (hah): In 2020, after no glaringly obvious trigger, a spot in my lower spine felt like it cracked. I spent the next week on the floor. When I went to a chiro two weeks later, they suggested I sprained or tore a ligament. When I went to the doctor a week after that, they were clearly skeptical about the chiro’s disgnosis. After some tests and PT, they decided I had weak core muscles, sciatica, and scoliosis, and that was that.

I’ve had sporadic issues ever since, though never at the same level.

Yesterday, after a week of on and off debilitating back pain, I went to the doctor. When I woke up yesterday morning, my pain was at a 7. I didn’t go to work, stayed on a heating pad for hours, took ibuprofen. By the time I got to the doctor my pain had dropped to a 2-3. After talking to the doc and doing what felt like a shit job explaining my experiences, I was told I must have aggravated something because of my scoliosis (which was initially determined to be mild, btw) and to go home and take more ibuprofen, and maybe go see a PT. When I reiterated the fact that I’d been having pain at a 6 or 7, they offered a round of steroids and I went on my way.

My breakdown last night came because I feel like an imposter. I go to the doctor and feel as if they don’t believe the seriousness of what I’m telling them. At work, I try not to show when I’m in pain, which of course makes me feel as though I’m leading all my colleagues to believe I’m healthy and hale, so when I tell them I have back problems they don’t believe me (and maybe they do, but my brain feels like they don’t). When I have to miss work I feel like my boss and coworkers think I’m making a big deal out of nothing. And that’s just my brain projecting what is probably some childhood shit, but it doesn’t change that I don’t always believe in the reality of my own pain. I can’t stand or walk for more than an hour without hurting. I can no longer go on hikes with my fiance, can’t commit to shopping with her because who knows how long my back will hold up. If I sit too long in the wrong type of chair, I get a flare. All of these things are true, but I push myself because some part of me feels like, because other people perceive me as healthy, I can’t respect what I know are my limits. Otherwise they’ll think I’m, I don’t know, being weak or complaining too much.

My fiance is extremely conscientious about my pain. She constantly makes sure that I’m not pushing myself too hard, she makes sure I take pain meds. But even with her there’s a small part of me that feels the need to push through and be “normal.”

So yeah. Had a breakdown. Cried. Today I’ll start the round of steroids and go back to work. Carry on like normal, and strengthen my fucking core. Because that’s all that’s wrong with me after all.

[snowspirits]

i know you think I'm fucking crazy you all DO but it's because you don't understand they are preventing you all from understanding

this is directed at my case managers btw not anyone reading this post

they diagnosed me with psychosis and tell me that im sick because i know something they don't

have they ever stopped to think that maybe the truth is hidden from them on purpose hey? I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS. NO ONE IS

but it wasn't any accident, just another way to make me suffer, and ruin my life, now i have to go on this fuckinf medication and go to therapy just for someone to tell me nothing i think or see is real

ANOTHER WAY TO MAKE ME SUFFER

but no you won't see it, you call me crazy, maybe you know deep down im RIGHT but it's easier for you to put a label on me and put me on meds that'll just shut me up and stop you from questioning your reality

ITS NOT FAIR THAT I HAVE TO KNOW THIS

ITS NOT MY FAULT

I NEVER WANTED TO KNOW

Oh they're outside

i know

they told me they're outside

i know they're watching me they always are

i can't be safe anywhere god fucking help me please

i need to get OUT OF HERE there's nowhere to go

there's nowhere to go that's safe from them

and no one believes me and they're just going to make me complacent again and silence me from telling the TRUTH

the doctor told me the medication would make them leave me alone but how how it doesn't make sense

why would that happen

??????? why suddenly would they leave me alone just because i took some pills that doesn't make any sense

I'm so gullible why did she lie to me

no im asking why but i know why i know exactly why

She lies to me because it's EASIER THAN ANY OTHER OPTION

the easiest option is to make me silent.

deep down she knows im right, idk if others do too, but she's scared, she doesn't want me to talk about this because she doesn't want to have to question her own life and existence

i can't blame her for that

but what will the psychiatrist say if i tell him any of this

i dont even know how i could tell him

i want the medication just to see what it does because maybe it will really make them leave me alone, i could be wrong, there could be things going on i dont understand or know yet

but im so suspicious im so paranoid of it

ill try to figure out a way to bring this up to the psychiatrist because i need him to know, i will not just take these pills and become complacent, im not doing that shit again i can't go back

i dont know what to do or who to trust it's so hard

i dont know i dont know anything

[17gz]

it still baffles me that i knew this friend for 6 fucking years and we had a convo abt their partner that lasted over 8 hours where they fully acknowledged all the bullshit their partner puts them through where even I LEARNED SHIT THEIR PARTNER DID TO THEM... they even acknowledged that every single person in their life hates their partner. to the point that it made them cry. they had so long to break up with that person so that we could renew our lease and fix shit. we all made it clear that the living situation depended on their relationship with that person and that we could not continue living with them.

(little break here to say: we were originally planning on splitting the rent 4 ways when their partner got evicted. we had an ENTIRE CONVO ABOUT THIS. it would have been abt $775 per person which is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND IN NYC. i knew their partner was having a hard time financially so i said maybe they could contribute max $500 per month, closer to $200-$250 per month whether thats covering utilities, or groceries, or making someone elses rent easier to pay. i said i was VERY comfortable meeting them where they were as long as it was above $100 a month. which is fucking reasonable for an able bodied employed person. which this person was. and they talked alllll this big shit abt usually paying $1500 for rent but being in a tough financial position. and no matter how many times i said "thats unreasonable, thats out of all of our budgets, lets stick to something under $500 and start with that to make this work" they REFUSED to listen. and then ended up paying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE FOUR MONTHS THEY STAYED THERE RENT FREE MOOCHING.)

this person did not contribute a fucking cent for any of us. this person actively made OUR SPACE a fucking hellish nightmare to live in and made it SO FUCKING HOSTILE. CONSTANTLY RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC AND FATPHOBIC.... literally a closeted terf

and when it came down to making a decision. when there were months leading to weeks to days where you'd been aware of all of this and we were all waiting for you to rip the bandaid off. you chose them over your friends who were there for you through literally everything.....

and they have the nerve to treat us like we're the villains in this..... im glad none of our friends are believing a word they've said... but jesus....

oh this isnt the first 2 people they've done this to btw...

we're 2 out of 4 ROOMMATES THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED TO.....

like jesus christ you are a lost cause theres no help for you, you hit rock bottom every 5 minutes but refuse to acknowledge that you are the one causing all the problems and instability around you because other people can only take so fucking much...... emphasis on SO FUCKING MUCH.... i cant even fully describe all the shit i have seen + SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN.

YOU SEE A THERAPIST AND PSYCHIATRIST 4x A MONTH OUT OF POCKET AND YOU WONT EVEN TAKE YOUR MEDS BUT YOU LIE ABOUT TAKING THEM..................................

good lord i just cant believe i wasted 6 fucking years of my life trying to see the best in this person when 1) they would NEVER EVER do this shit for us and 2) THERE IS NO recognition of wrongdoing on their end. everyone is wrong but them. they're obviously the victim....

[bide-time-to-diee]

No One Cares About the Kids Until There’s Nothing Left to Repopulate the Earth (A Mass Extinction is Coming)- by @bide-time-to-diee

tw: sh, ed, depression, suicide

*btw this was written to be like a song not a poem which is why it’s formatted weirdly*

They say “it’s all in your head” but they can see what’s in your head on your thighs,

They say to tell someone you trust until there’s nothing left in your life,

They tell you to take your meds; that it’ll cure what’s wrong in your head but you’re stuck in your bed and the bottle’s on your desk.

It’s your fault it’s like this, y’know?

Please open your eyes,

Please go outside,

Oh God, please darling,

You can’t disguise that limp for long,

or play a heavier song,

Soon, we’ll all be nothing,

The kids are suffering,

Really suffering,

They say you’re too thin, too fat, never good enough,

Never enough at all,

“But you’re so young you’ve barely even lived”

Life is long when you’re lonely,

You’re only making it worse, y’know?

Break the razors,

Tie a noose,

Overdose on Lexapro,

Claustrophobic in your skin,

Spilling out your oxygen,

Oh God we’re all gonna die.

Please open your eyes,

PLEASE! muffle your cries,

You’re only doing this to get worse,

Darling you’re sick enough already,

There aren’t any heavier songs,

Please end your suffering already you fucking coward,

It’s all in your head but all over your wrists,

Nobody trustworthy is left in your life,

The meds have stopped working,

You’re one of them now, gone before you could mean anything,

So, are you really suffering at all?

[tothecrucifieddeer]

You are clearly being influenced by creative projects and cryptid you have seen on TikTok (and reposted..?) I imagine you are a teenager playing a little game with yourself, whether you know that to be the case or not. Whatever is going on, I hope you share this blog with your mental health team. You need help. Magic exists in way that aren't TikTok creative fiction, or deer people who want to personally hurt you, btw. I recommend you write a novel, or look for fairies or something.

Hi anon—I know Magic exists in a way that isn’t creative fiction. As far as the TikTok videos—they are research, signs, and interpretations of the Messenger effecting me and contacting me. I don’t really know if I will share this blog with my mental health workers. Maybe my therapist when I see her in a couple weeks. I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and promised to keep taking my meds and she seemed to think that would keep me safe. I do believe the DOE is a cryptid—and there is nothing wrong with knowing that. She is a supernatural or paranormal phenomenon and I only find it fair to research something similar to her or to what she is.

I do not appreciate being belittled, mocked, or sneered at. But I do understand there will always be those who are cruel or unbelievers for their own personal reasons. I will have THE DEAD and MANFLESH ANGELS pray for you. I’m sorry you think it right to be rude.

Blessings

[oleander-nin]

I don't know if ☄️ started an odd uptick in your named anons (🍵 and 💤 for instance) but regardless I love them dearly hello Ollie's new anons >:D

Anyways I've been preoccupied with stuff but it's the weekend now so I thought,, hm. I'm bored I'm going to send Ollie things

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

SURPRISE IT'S CHECKLIST TIME:

If it's later in the day, have you eaten yet?

(I think your time zone is 1 hour behind mine if I recorded that correctly-)

Did you sleep well? (If you didn't and you're tired, take it easy please)

Who am I kidding you're tired all the time anyways lmao I HOPE YOU CAN NAP OR SOMETHING <3

Take your meds if you have any!

Writing this reminded me to take mine-

Hows the hygiene? Brush your teeth or shower if you need it

I JUST NEED TO REMIND MYSELF TO BRUSH MY TEETH MORE SO I FIGURED MAYBE OTHERS DO TOO-

DRINK WATER

Drink water. Everyone needs to drink more water. If you think you've drank enough you're probably wrong drink more water-

This applies to anyone seeing this btw not just Ollie <3 hello Ollie's followers are you annoyed yet? >:)

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

That concludes basic stuff so now I'm gonna give extra little things I need to remember for myself that I think might apply to you or others seeing this lmao

(I've been feeling kinda bad about not drawing as much as I wanted. so I figured this might apply to you too)

There's nothing wrong with not being productive for a bit. Whether it's writing or drawing or whatever thing you feel pressured to do.

There's nothing wrong with taking your time to do those things! There's a multitude of reasons but I can explain them another time

Something something about that comparison I made in an older ask about the human body/mind and a machine. You remember that one? (I can't get out of the ask thing to find it because it'll get rid of all this but Y'KNOW THE ONE)

DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO DO THE HOBBY IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT! BRO IT'S FINE YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE NOT RUNNING OUT OF TIME-

(This next one's just something I realized recently. Idk if it's true for everyone but I'll share it anyways) I think even things I LIKE to do are tiring. I don't know how. Drawing and even playing a video game is tiring. Talking to friends online is tiring. This only really becomes a problem if something else is leeching all my energy, because otherwise it's definitely ALL worth it. What I'm trying to say is that things might take effort even if you like doing them or if they're supposed to be a relaxing thing (like,, idk Minecraft. I still have to think and respond to things and reaction time and planning and blah blah blah these things take mental energy I often don't have) I'M JUST SAYING IT'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT- YOU'RE NOT LAZY FOR NOT DOING A THING BECAUSE IT MIGHT ACTUALLY TAKE MORE ENERGY THAN YOU THINK- (writing especially, in my opinion. Idk how you do it-)

MAN these are always so much longer than I want them to be but,, yeah I hope this helps you (or anyone else reading)

Remember self care y'all! and don't pressure or force yourself to do things (looking directly at you Ollie /lh)

Oh yeah also Ollie you give me the feeling you have adhd (saying that as someone with horrible adhd) but I won't go into that-

OKAY BYEEE ILY <3

So proud of you 8-bit, you started a fad/lhj

I have eaten :D. My stomach did it's job and informed me I was hungry for once. Have you?🤨 Also I have no clue what your time zone is lmao

I slept pretty decent! Not as tired as I was yesterday, so that's good.

But I hate my meds they're grosssssssssssssssssss. Did take them but bleh.

I just ate, I should go brush my teeth thankies-

Does milk count?

"Imagine a machine that needs maintenance. If you don't make time to schedule the maintenance, it'll break when you're not expecting it. That's the same for a human. If you don't schedule time for breaks, your body or brain will do it for you." This machine analogy? I do remember it and your incredible wisdom. I'll try to abide by it more����

Also completely agree w/ your last thing. I like to draw, I like to write, but it sucks sometimes. Heck, I can't even bring myself to watch my favorite shows just because I don't have the energy to actually watch it. Thank you for the list of affirmations(?), I needed it. I've been trying to write, but it's getting harder with my interests split lol.

Don'e worry about them being long! I really don't mind, it's fun to read them. Ily2, bye!/plat

[iamthunderhearmehowl]

Let me tell you about the tattoo that my mom hates (this is a long ass post btw)

✨️Trigger Warning✨️

Suicide / Depression

- - - - - -

Hey, hi, it's me. This is the only place I feel really open about sharing things - but with the holidays and cold months coming up I know how hard it can be for people who are struggling with depression/ bi polar / familial trauma, etc. So here's this post to remind you (and me) that we'll be okay. You and me. We will be okay. We are still breathing, and with every breath we take, we still have a shot at living the lives we've dreamed of.

You see this tattoo? I got it as a reminder. Oh yeah, also it's a Dark Souls tattoo. It says "Don't You Dare Go Hollow".

My mom HATES it, but she has come to terms with how much I love this tattoo.

But anyways, I got this tattoo to remind myself to keep going. I got it about 1-2 years after I attempted to leave this earth on my own accord.

Background (skip if you want)

It was 2020. I had been a Veterinary Assistant (technician basically depending on what state you're in, TN treats the assistants the same as technicians). Clients were beating me down dude. I had phones thrown at me. I had death threats. I had people telling me I was a worthless piece of shit. I wanted to help these animal, but to do that I felt like I had to take and accept this slurry of abuse. I was unmedicated. I felt alone. I felt like I was nothing. An empty vessel. So one day I was supposed to go to work and we were working on a skeleton crew. 12 to 13 hours a day, days in a row, sometimes we would still have to go in on our off days. I couldn't do it anymore. I called out. I said I was sick. The response "I'm sorry you're sick, but that puts our team in a hard spot". That was it. The last straw.

I ended up going to the ER. I stayed there for a week. And thrn I ended up in a mental institution for 3 days. I was started on Zoloft.

All was well for a little bit. I stayed in my profession and decided to go to Tech School to brighten my future and make some more money.

It was. The most stressful time of my life. While I did leave my previous clinic I switched to ER and Specialty and lasted only about 6 months there. Before I realized I was spiraling again. I felt like a failure as a tech. I was worthless. I wasn't enough. I got let go. If I had been doing this for 5 years and could do this what fucking good was I? I saw the signs. I understood what was happening. I sought help and went to group therapy at a behavioral hospital.

It was amazing. The people I met, the counselors, I made so many friends and people who believed in me. We increased the dosage of my meds.

Now. I'm at a new clinic. I'm spiraling again. I'm in bad health. The doctors don't know what's wrong with me, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's stress from my career. I still come home sobbing. I come home feeling empty. No amount of medication can help free me from the unhappiness of my job. At one point I loved it. Somewhere along the way I realized that this isn't the life I want. I love your pets. I love my current clients. But I can't take the pressures of possibly getting hurt or sick. My back is messed up from this job, all of my joints pop and hurt, I have damaged and fractured my teeth from grinding them from stress. I am always tired. Working 10+ hours with just a one hour break isn't cutting it. I am miserable.

So.

I took the fucking leap guys. I'm doing it. I'm switching my career. I'm going back to my roots. I'm being creative and doing what. I started podcasting and realized how much I missed being myself. My VTNE is next month and I don't give a shit.

The game changer was really being inspired by the voice acting in Baulder's Gate 3. Hearing Neil Newbon's speech when he accepted his award made me cry. I took one of Steve Blums voice acting classes and . . . My God it was like finally hearing the affirmation I never got from my parents.

Back to the Tattoo

My point is, no matter how hard it gets, please allow yourself to enjoy the things you love and fuck what everyone else says. You do yourself a disservice if you don't give yourself a break. If you don't be true to yourself, if you don't strive for the life you've dreamed of.

It's why my tattoo is the Bonfire from Dark Souls. In your journey, you're going to fail multiple times. Sometimes, you get hung up on the same damn spot over and over and over again. Sometimes, you have to reface your enemies. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BOSS BATTLES. You may fail thousands of times, but you know what you do? You go back to your bonfire- your safe place- and you heal up. You get the fuck back up the next day and do it again. Sometimes your game plan changes. You don't have to fight this boss today. You can fight him when you're ready. You don't have to make huge progress in the game today - you can dick around and look for good armor. You can change the whole path you take if you want to - it doesn't matter. In the end you will eventually accomplish what you've came to do.

I have really been fighting for my life lately, but I don't want to lose hope. If I give up, then I'll never see the end of the game or move on to the next one.

It's hard sometimes. But my favorite quote is:

"So if you ever find yourself in a slump, remember your purpose - whatever it may be - and never stop fighting for your goals, no matter how crazy they may seem. And don't you dare go hollow"

I don't know you guys but I love you. And if you need someone to tell you that personally my inboxes are open.

[evil8keta]

Pyro, Scout and Sniper with insomniac s/o? I usually don’t get much sleep and wake up randomly at night often, got worse :’) Thanks btw

im so sorry to hear that bro, i hope it gets better for u soon <3 here's your favorite dumbasses, they love you so much

insomniac s/o

SCOUT

- the first time you told him about your insomnia, he was surprised. like, what do you mean you can't sleep? just.. go to bed?? he didn't know much about the condition, so at first this mf didn't even take it seriously... but when he noticed how often you stayed up all night only to be tired and sad the next day, he started to worry!

- he wants to help, but doesn't really know how. that results in scout doing stupid things just to help you out. for example, he gave you some shady meds that he stole from medic (please do NOT take those... but not gonna lie it was kind of sweet of him?). eventually, he'll straight up ask you questions about your condition (if you're comfortable answering) so he can learn and support you more!! :)

- very understanding whenever you feel down because of lack of sleep!! as soon as he notices he's on his way to cheer you up, whether that's by doing something silly to make you laugh or actually sitting down with you and letting you vent to him

- scout told you many, many times that he's not leaving your side until he's absolutely sure you're asleep, so prepare to spend the nights by being held in his arms. and i mean- yeah, he DID say that he's not falling asleep until you do, but most of the time scout is knocked out cold the moment his body hits the bed. but it's the thought that counts, right?

PYRO

- pyro doesn't know much about insomnia either, but they knew something was wrong with you right away. eye bags, very low energy, random naps during the day... needless to say, pyro is very concerned!! they didn't want to assume anything, so they asked you what's wrong and you told them about your sleeping disorder -- cue pyro going into research mode so they can find a way to help you as much as they can!!!

- very, very good listener. if you need to vent, they're totally here for you!

- they also stay up with you! if you can't fall asleep at all during the night, pyro will just pull out some paper and color pencils so you guys can do something instead, in hopes that this will make you tired yet relaxed enough to fall asleep. whether or not you do actually sleep, pyro remains calm. they don't blame you and are quite patient with you. it's very clear that pyro cares about you and they're willing to do anything to make you happy

- when you actually do fall asleep, whether it's during the night or day, they let you sleep in their room! covered in their fluffy blankets and surrounded by plushies of unicorns of course ;D not only that, but they stand guard outside to make sure nothing, and i repeat NOTHING, disturbs you! if anyone even comes near and demands you to come out for whatever work they need you to do, you better believe they will be chased away by an angry pyro with a fireaxe

SNIPER

- sniper has the most experience with sleeping disorders because even he sometimes spends the nights restless. he's a pretty trustworthy guy, so chances are you told him about your condition pretty early on. due to this, sniper also managed to quickly pick up on any habits and patterns that either help you fall asleep or make you stay up. such as what level of lighting or temperature is comfortable for you!

- very prepared!! if another night where you just can't fall asleep occurs, sniper knows right away. you don't even gotta tell him, bro just knows. and you bet he's already making you some tea and picking out books he can read to you. his voice can be pretty soothing :) this man is very good at setting up a cozy and relaxing enviroment

- completely understands if you feel sad and tired during daytime! sniper reassures you that it's okay if you just rest for the day and nap while he runs errands for you so you have as little work to do as possible

- like i mentioned before, sniper also sometimes has nights where he can't fall asleep. usually he solves this by going outside and just chilling but if you're awake too he is NOT leaving you!! instead he lays your head on his lap and just pets your hair gently until you finally doze off, no matter how long it may take