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#there's a part of me that's like I really did not sign up for all this bullshit earth is experiencing right now
ms-demeanor · 3 days
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I've been following what's been going on with Belphie the kitten and his person, Greer Stothers, has just mentioned pet insurance in a tag on a post and I wanted to give an example from my life backing up why pet insurance can be a good idea and why I think it is worthwhile.
Two years ago my sister's dog had bloat while she was on vacation. The kennel he was staying at recognized symptoms and called my sister to clear them to take him to the emergency vet. My sister is very financially secure and this dog is an enormous part of her life, so she said yes with barely a moment of hesitation. That ended up being about twelve thousand dollars of emergency surgery.
Large Bastard and I got pet insurance for Tiny Bastard the same week because we realized that if someone had presented that option to us, we would have had no choice but to have Tiny Bastard put down, and we didn't want to be put in that position.
I did a lot of research about different kinds of pet insurance and different levels of coverage and annual maximums and deductibles and so on and so forth. Tiny Bastard is a senior dog, so this was going to be expensive no matter what options we went with, so I chose a moderately priced plan with a $500 annual deductible, unlimited annual coverage, that pays 80% of the bills incurred annually below the maximum. What that means is that we pay the first $500 of care totally out of pocket, after which point we are reimbursed 80% of any vet bills for care covered by the plan.
The first year we had this plan I was kind of iffy about it. It's a noticeable monthly expense and we didn't even spend the deductible in vet bills the first year. Except that a month before the policy was set to renew, Tiny Bastard got diagnosed with diabetes. We now have monthly insulin costs and syringe costs; there are tests she has to have regularly to monitor her overall condition and we need to do more frequent vet visits to track symptoms.
Suddenly the insulin alone means that the insurance is break-even within six months and the additional visits and tests are something we can afford instead of something we'd have to put on credit.
Our plan (through ManyPets) covers medication, surgery, diagnostics, medical equipment, and euthanasia and cremation. It doesn't cover pre-existing conditions, joint conditions for dogs who were signed up over a certain age, dental care, spay/neuter, vaccinations, or prescription food but honestly all of that makes me just kind of wish we'd signed her up earlier - her knee problems *would* be covered if we'd had her signed up as a puppy, and the monthly cost would have been lower if we'd signed her up then. And there are at least a few emergency vet bills that I wouldn't still be paying off on my credit card. Hell, I've probably paid more in interest on some bruising she got in a fight three years ago than I have for this policy as a whole.
I am glad that Greer is able to take care of Belphie. I am glad that my sister was able to take care of her dog. But I'm also really, really glad that for a relatively low cost, I would be able to take care of Tiny Bastard if she were catastrophically injured, or if she needed emergency surgery. I'm glad that I'm able to take care of her now with her medications and her additional vet visits.
There are a lot of people who say that pet insurance isn't worth it, especially not for young animals. But if your young animal gets very sick, or gets badly injured, or eats a hairband and needs an emergency endoscopy, then it will probably be VERY worth it. It's a risk/reward question. You feel like you're wasting money if you're paying for a policy that you never use, but honestly that just means you're lucky to have a healthy pet.
I'm lucky that Tiny Bastard was relatively healthy before I got the insurance; I'm also lucky that she was insured when she was diagnosed with a chronic illness that will need lifelong care. This enables me to provide care for her that would otherwise be financially unmanageable, and that makes the insurance *extremely worth it* from my perspective.
And Belphie is a good example of why it's a good idea to get coverage even for very young pets. Greer is recommending it because this kitten has required a tremendous amount of care during a period in his life when it's generally taken for granted that a cat will be healthy. (And Greer is not stupid for forgoing pet insurance - pet insurance is still a relatively new concept and there are lots of people who are leery of it for a number of good reasons)
So I'd say that if you've got a pet or are getting a pet it is very worthwhile to find a pet insurance plan that fits in your budget. There are a variety of plans out there and some are very inexpensive. Check coverage levels (you can even get some with wellness plans that include dental care and vaccinations) and see if there's something that works for you.
I personally don't think I'm ever going to own another pet without having pet insurance. It's ridiculous how much easier it is for me to say yes to diagnostic tests or different treatments than it was before because I know I'm going to be able to fit Tiny Bastard's care into our budget.
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childrenofcain-if · 2 days
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If I can't have a D and C love triangle, it relies upon me to instead romance C and start drama by trying to steal their best friend 😌
MC just knocks on their door, C answers and MC just ducks under their arm to throw themselves on D's bed and chatter at them 😂
Even funnier if you have an MC with the same major as D, MC just makes excuses that they have questions about assignments every time they barge in there, C you can't kick us out 🥺😈
(Also funnier bc I totally see D as an enabler, they'd let MC do it even though they know MC is trying to piss off C just bc it's hilarious. I'll do those dumb TikTok videos with u 😌)
the dorm door swung open with more force than necessary, revealing C’s sharp green gaze, narrowed in suspicion. you offered a dazzling grin, the one that always got you in trouble in the best ways.
“really?” C asked dryly, leaning against the doorframe. “it’s nine in the morning. what is it this time?”
without answering, you ducked under C’s arm in a smooth, practiced motion, like a snake slipping past a gate. your shoes squeaked on the polished floor as you caught sight of D lounging on their bed from the open door to their room, propped up against a pile of haphazardly arranged pillows, a lazy grin already stretching across their face.
“rook!” you called, all energy as you practically threw yourself onto their bed, landing with a soft thud against their pillows. “got questions about the music theory assignment. you know, the one about the baroque fugues? totally can’t get this one part, and C won’t know how to explain music-related stuff to me.”
D raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile tugging at their lips. “sure. because that’s definitely why you’re here.”
C exhaled sharply, the sound exasperated, and turned to glare at you. “you do this every time. you’ve got your own room, you know. you’re basically acting like a freeloader here.”
“you can’t kick me out,” you said lightly, not bothering to look at them as you snatched D’s phone off the nightstand and flipped through their tiktok feed like you owned the entire place. “this isn’t just your suite. and besides, this is academic, C. rook is a sophomore in the same major as me and is way better at explaining these things than you.”
“right,” C said, crossing their arms. “totally academic. like last week when you were ‘asking about the homework’ but spent two hours watching a true crime documentary with D on their bed.”
D snorted, glancing up from their macbook. “i mean, it’s hard to say no when they bring interesting documentaries to watch. and memes. and snacks.”
C looked between the two of you, incredulous. “oh, so that’s how it is? you’re just enabling this now?”
D shrugged, smirking. “what can i say? they’re entertaining. and they did help my band get some really good social media exposure. it’s only fair.”
“see?” you chimed in, wiggling D’s phone at C in triumph. “rook gets it.”
C’s jaw clenched, their eyes flicking from you to D, then back to you. “je jure devant dieu, you’re doing this on purpose.”
you put a hand to your chest in mock offense. “on purpose? who, me? why, i’d never! why would i ever want to bother you, dear C? i’m just here for the assignments.”
D laughed openly now, closing garageband and setting their macbook down. “yeah, C. maybe they really need help. you wouldn’t want them to fail, would you?”
“i think they’ll survive,” C snapped, though the edge in their voice faltered when their best friend winked at them. they could tell that D was enjoying this far too much, feeding off their frustration like it was the funniest thing in the world. and the worst part? they weren’t even trying to hide it.
C pinched the bridge of their nose, muttering something about how they didn’t sign up for this when they agreed to become suitemates with D. but beneath the frustration, there was something that flickered in their eyes—a faint shadow of jealousy that you weren’t supposed to notice.
you stretched your arms above your head, taking up more space on D’s bed, much to C’s obvious displeasure.
“so, rook,” you started, turning to them with a mischievous grin, “when are we filming some more tiktoks? i’ve got a few ideas, and you’ll have to be my partner. C’s welcome to join, of course.”
D grinned indulgently. “oh, i’m in. C, you gonna grace us with your oh-so-broody presence?”
“i’m not broody.” C said, rolling their eyes and finally stepping into the room, shutting the door with a soft click. the tension in their posture hadn’t eased though. “and pass. i’m not making a fool of myself online for either of you idiots.”
“yet,” you teased, leaning back on D’s bed and enjoying the way C’s irritation simmered, their jaw clenched tight as they stood there. “you’ll cave eventually. you haven’t seen how... persuasive i can be sometimes, lacroix.”
†††
later, when you had finally left, having thoroughly disrupted the peace, C cornered D in the kitchen as they were making coffee for both of them.
“you’ve got to knock it off with them,” C said, voice low but edged with exasperation. “they’re just doing this to piss me off.”
D raised an eyebrow, casually leaning against the counter and handing C their cup. “okay, and?”
“and you’re encouraging it,” C snapped.
D’s lips curved into a slow, almost playful smile. “maybe i like having them around. they’re something else, don’t you agree?”
C’s stomach tightened, a knot of jealousy twisting inside them. “that’s not the point. you and i both know their intentions aren’t just to ‘hang out’ with you.”
D shrugged, clearly unbothered. “so what if that’s the case? why do you have your underwear in a bunch about this?”
C looked away, jaw clenched tight, because for a moment—just a moment—they weren’t sure if their feelings for you were all negative. and that scared them.
D’s voice softened, but the teasing lilt remained. “i wasn’t lying when i told you that i find their company nice, C. they’re more interesting than half the student population here combined.” there was a pause, heavy and deliberate. “they’re pretty hot too. i wouldn’t mind asking them out either one of these days.”
C stared at the dark-haired rockstar, struggling to find the words. D was still smirking, knowing exactly how this was affecting them—knowing, and enjoying every second of it.
“are you being serious about this?” C asked, finally.
D’s smile widened, and they leaned in just a little closer. “wouldn’t you like to know?”
and with that, D walked away with a melodic hum, leaving C alone with their thoughts. the ceramic cup cracked under their iron grip and dripped hot coffee on the counter and their skin. somehow, they couldn’t bring themself to care about that.
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Bechdel Testing Ninjago
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So, a little while ago I did the Bechdel test on Ninjago because I've always seen the show as sort of an interesting case study in how women are portrayed in cartoons. Of course, I'm aware the Bechdel test originated as a joke and something passing the Bechdel test doesn't make it feminist/not. Rather, or for me at least, it's an indication of how deficient female representation can be at an aggregate scale. As a way to analyze Ninjago, I feel it works as it shows how female representation over the course of the show. If you're interested I'll now discuss my thoughts on how the analysis went season by season. DISCLAIMER: I did this for fun.
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The pilot was easy. Nya's the only one, so test failed across the board. The first episode that passed the test was when Jay's parents came to visit. Yay Edna! Mystake does show up in episode 7 but, I don't count it as she has not yet been named. 12&13 had a kid's mom in a bus which I decided was enough cus hey, Mom's a name she uses.
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Here's where we really get going. Patty Keys, their real estate agent continues to show up through seabound as a background character, which is pretty cool imo. Episode 5, Mystake finally gets named. Episode 6 was huge for my chart as it's the introduction of Misako. You'd think episode 7 is when her and Nya talked but that's actually when Nya and Gayle had a lil convo. From then on I spent the episodes just staring at the Nya and Misako thinking "talk to her talk to her talk to her." Fortunately, when they did speak, Nya and Misako would be discuss like science, maps, and fate of the world so I never ran into a problem with rule 3. That is, until Rebooted.
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The good news is Pixal's here so it'll be years before we fail rule 1 again. The bad news is we've got a love triangle so goodbye rule 3. Nya actually talked to her student, Sally, and Pixal quite often but it was so often about Jay or Cole so I would just be scouring the episode for a single exchange where they talked about anything else. During the Tournament, Nya, Pixal, Skylor, and Misako were all in different groupings and it was rare that Tox or Camille would say something so no rule 2/3 successes until late season.
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The good news is, the love triangle is over so we're back to rule 2 usually meaning rule 3. The bad news is, Pixal's in Zane's head so we're back to hoping Misako and Nya say something to eachother. Nya usually shared her scenes with Wu, Ronin, and Jay during these seasons so chances were few and far between. However, unlike the first few seasons where the default was male, we're now getting some female henchmen (Bansha and Dogshank) so that made things easier.
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Thank you for being in Day of the Departed Edna Walker. Early Hands of Time was tough because Nya, Misako, and Commander Macchia were rarely in the same scenes. In the latter half of the season though, we thankfully see the return of Pixal. Maya also helped us with some wins.
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What a breath of fresh air. Thanks to Harumi & Ultraviolet's introduction, Pixal's return, Mystake's upgrade to a reoccuring character, and Nya & Misako's continued support, failing even rule 3 is pretty rare during the Oni Trilogy. We run into some complications during Hunted because though we have Skylor and the aforementioned characters in Ninjago and Faith & Jet Jack in the First Realm, sometimes people don't talk to eachother. And that's ok. Overall, smooth sailing.
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Ah??!? What happened. Worry not. I realized this was, in part, because the Oni Trilogy had 20 minutes worth of chances for women to speak to eachother, these were only 10 minute episodes. So, for the sake of comparable units of analysis, I considered each pair of episodes to be 1 episode. I'll show both charts until DR.
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It looks a little better, but it's still not at Oni Trilogy levels. Still, I'd be curious to see what the test would look like if I dissected the earlier episodes into 10 minute chunks because it's probably not a great sign if 10 v 20 minutes makes such a big difference. Ok, proceeding. The Fire Chapter was usually pretty successful because Pixal, Aspheera, or Nya would usually end up talking at one point or another. Gayle even helped at one point. The Ice chapter usually achieved successes through Nya talking to Sorla. In one episode, I counted the Preminent's roars as conversation with Pixal. The Ice Chapter had quite a few failures largely because, as in previous seasons, all the women were split up.
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Despite the fact that Nya was one of the longest lived ninja, Prime Empire has total failures at levels not seen since before season 2. This is largely because for the most part, Pixal and Nya are never in the same episode. Racer 7 helps but she was only there for a bit. I should point out that I feel like the 10 minute era is really when Pixal starts feeling like part of the team to me. She's always part of homebase meetings and always plays a key part in missions. Alas, if she's not in episodes with Nya, that's not going to show up on my chart. It's a reminder of the fact this test doesn't show substance.
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Master of the Mountain is similar to the other seasons of its era. The fact the 10 minute era tended to show its plots episode by episode (ex: Ep 3 = Plot A, Ep 4 = Plot B, Ep 5 = Plot C) rather than all in one really takes a toll on the test. For the most part, Nya and Vania were our only chances for success and it was rare they'd share an episode. We also had the rare rule 3 failure with the Queen of the Munce episode. Thanks Jay. The Island only had Nya until they found Misako, so it was struggling even more.
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It feels right to see all green when it's a Nya season. In the beginning of Seabound, they put Nya, Pixal, and Maya on a boat together and by jove it made things easy. Late season was a bit trickier because Nya was on her own journey. Crystalized had Skylor, Pixal and some ressurected villains saving the day. Late Crystalized is the way it is because it had so, so many different groupings. I have a chart based on groupings and this season was such a challenge.
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I really felt the difference with Dragons Rising. I mean, you can see the difference, but it was even more clear when doing my data collection because it was just so easy. Rather than grabbing at scraps of dialogue like I had to do in early seasons, there was often a wealth of more meaningful conversation between female characters to choose from. As with the Oni Trilogy, a female villain with a female henchman makes things easy because they scheme together. We also had Nya and Sora on a joint quest. Funnily enough, there is a rare rule 3 failure because Sora and Kreel only talked about Kreel's friend in one episode. Episode 17 had the classic split up issue and actually would've failed entirely if not for Agent Underwood, which is actually a great example of my next point. You can really tell how male is no longer the default because not only is there the introduction of all the fantastic new female main characters, but also there's plenty of random female characters scattered throughout. I haven't seen DRS2P2 yet but I expect it'll be more of the same. I should mention I also made a chart with the reverse (two named men in an episode who talk about eachother about something besides a woman). Only three episodes fail in any capacity. (Say thank you to the Akita, Pixal, and Harumi solo episodes). If you read this whole thing, thank you. I had a lot of fun doing it. Let me know if there's any other charts I can do!
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devilyn · 3 hours
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It was the small things Kuroo Tetsurou did for you.
Sometimes, he would wait for your ubers with you when the both of you had one too many drinks with your friends. Once said uber arrived, he'd casually open the door for you as if it were natural and ask you to text him once you got home.
Other times, he would lean over and ask if you were still having a good time when you got particularly quiet even when everyone else was still just as rambunctious as usual.
But he never crossed a line. He never really touched you unless it was a friendly greeting or goodbye hug. And he never once showed you more or less attention than anyone else in your mutual friend group.
So you shoved this little crush down to the deepest recesses of your heart and suppressed it each time it desperately tried to crawl it's way back up.
And everytime Kuroo showed you even the smallest sign of affection or consideration, you protected your heart by constantly telling yourself you were delusional, and risking a good friendship for these feelings would just be pointless.
So how did you end up here? Drunk crying in front of him after the rest of your friends have already left the bar?
"I like him a lot," you slurred your words. Kuroo sat next to you, his cheek rested against his palm with his elbow propped up against the bar. If you weren't so inebriated, you'd notice how painfully sober he looked.
"Oh really?"
He sounded amused, cat like eyes observing you. You had your face buried in your hands, your practically fully hunched over the bar.
"Mmm...but I really can't tell if I mean anything to him," you groaned into your palms before resting them flat against the bar. Your head lolled back as you leaned backwards, closing your eyes.
Kuroo's arm extended out quickly to stretch across your lower back, catching you before you fell off your barstool. You leaned against his arm, allowing him to hold your weight, and giggled quietly.
"Hey--"
"Do you think I should tell him?"
You turned to him, hand coming up to rest boldly on his knee--more in an attempt to steady yourself rather than to flirt. Your eyes were half lidded, wet tears stuck to your lashes. He resisted the urge to grab a napkin to wipe them away.
"I think--"
"No," you placed your index finger over his lips before he could speak any further, but you barely registered the shock on his face and the pink warming his cheeks. "You're right, I should just keep it to myself."
He swatted your hand away despite your whine.
"I think you should just tell him tomorrow. If you're crying this much over it now, it's clearly weighing on you. Might as well rip the bandaid off."
"Stop being sensible," you grumbled, eyes practically closed at this point. "You're always sensible."
"If I was as sensible as you say, I would've made you leave with everyone else," he mused.
"Oh, so I'm special to you?" you giggled and reached forward to cup his cheeks. Kuroo's eyes widened, lips parting to speak, but you cut him off before he could say anything in protest. "Then, lemme say this..."
Your thumbs brushed over his warm cheeks, and your lips curved up into a dopey, drunk grin.
"I like you, Tetsurou."
There was a beat of silence as his dark eyes scanned over your expression. Your half lidded eyes, cheeks red from your tears earlier, your swollen lips pulled up into that silly grin.
"...I know," he whispered, fingers reaching up to rest over your own, still holding his face. "Can you tell me again when you're sober?"
"No," you pulled your hands away so you could wag your index finger in his face. The motion made him lean back in his stool just slightly. "I don't wanna, m'gonna forget about all this anyway--"
Kuroo took your hand into his own, gently brushing his lips over your knuckles. The movement was small and filled with affection. If you had drank any less than what you did, it may have sobered you up instantly.
"I'll call you tomorrow morning, and you're going to tell me again. I won't let you forget."
His fingers laced with your own, and you hummed quietly, as if contemplating the idea.
"...m'kay."
You'd definitely have more than just the hangover to regret in the morning.
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waywardrose · 2 days
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TO BRING YOU MY LOVE
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star wars | kylo ren x reader | rated e | 9.4k
fem!reader, vampire!kylo, modern au, dracula inspired, dub con, predator/prey, kidnapping with restraints, derogatory language (not from kylo), guns, violence, blood and blood drinking, minor-character death, semi-public sex, historical inaccuracies
This fic fills multiple prompts (from sweet anons and the fabulous @thorfemmes) for vamp!Kylo, from his backstory to Reader affecting him to the possibility of Reader becoming a vampire. Thank you all for requesting! I hope you're still around. In case you need a refresher, the previous parts of Me and the Devil are here, here, here, here, and here. (Why don't tags work anymore? 😩) This fic can be read as a stand-alone, though! Title from "To Bring You My Love" by PJ Harvey.
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“Biker gang? Pfft!” said your boss Vic in reply to a bar patron.
The agitated patron continued, describing a group of bikers led by a dark-haired man with a scar bisecting his face.
You suppressed a shudder as you mixed a simple cocktail. That sounded too familiar.
You’d begun working at Vic’s bar a few weeks ago. It was an easy job. Vic was gruff yet kind. They’d shown you around when they learned you’d just moved to the city. They even invited you home for dinner, where you’d met their sweet wife and dopey Pomeranian.
After a moment of contemplation, Vic said, “A scar…”
With a dismissive shake of their head and a frown, they poured the patron a double.
When all the patrons were distracted, Vic took you by the shoulder and steered you into the dim storeroom.
“If I’m right, and I hope to hell I’m not, that gang sounds like the Knights of Ren.” You stiffened at the name, but Vic didn’t appear to notice. “They haven’t been around here in years, but they’re dangerous. You keep your head down, got it?”
You nodded as if you didn’t know exactly who Vic was talking about.
“Why would they be back…?” Vic asked more to themselves than you. “Fuck if it matters. We’re closing early for the rest of the week. Ain’t no one living it up while they’re here.”
In a caring tone you hadn’t heard from anyone in months, they said, “Anyone hollers at you, you ignore them. Just keep walking, yeah?”
You nodded again, though you doubted ignoring catcalls would save you.
Vic walked you back to the bar and told you to polish the clean wine glasses.
With numb hands, you carefully buffed water spots from each glass and slid them in the rack above the bar.
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The next evening, Vic’s wife called. She never called, so it must’ve been important. Vic rushed out with only an offer to return to help close. You’d assured them you could handle it.
Just as Vic predicted, there hadn’t been many patrons. One of the last — a regular — expressed his disgust for the way everyone was pussyfooting around at night. He didn’t think the sun was going to stop the Knights of Ren from striking.
Oh, little did he know…
As the regular swirled the last of his bourbon, he said, “If they’re out there, no lock’ll keep them out if they want in.”
You politely agreed with a hum. No lock could keep Kylo away.
You didn’t know how you’d make it to your place if the Knights of Ren really were out there.
“Thanks for listening, kiddo,” the regular said before knocking back the rest of his drink and standing. “You watch out, though, pretty thing like you.”
He left a generous tip.
Closing went quickly after that. You clicked off the neon signs in the window, wiped down the bar and tables, mopped the floor, and pushed in the chairs. After shuttering the bar’s front, you snapped the tarnished padlock closed as quietly as possible. It clunked against the latch just as something glinted at the corner of your vision.
The hairs at the back of your neck rose. Your heart leapt into your throat.
You bolted.
You didn’t dare look back. It would’ve only slowed you down. You didn’t want to see a flash of red eyes and black hair, either. That would’ve paralyzed you. And you needed to run. You needed to run as fast as your legs could carry you—
Though you knew you couldn’t win — not against someone like Kylo.
No. No, no, no.
You couldn’t think like that. You’d gotten away before. You’d do it again. It didn’t matter how he kept finding you.
With a pause, you scanned the unremarkable street. You were far from the bar now. You propped yourself with a palm against gritty breeze block. Your thighs ached and lungs burned, all the more obvious now that you’d stopped running. You panted, throat desert-dry and mouth sticky. Tilting your head back, you tried to catch your breath.
The inky sky was as empty as the streets.
And you didn’t know where you were anymore.
You bit your lip and silently berated yourself for not paying attention as you ran. It was especially foolish considering you hadn’t been in the city for long. Unfamiliar streets looked more so in the dark. Questions dropped from your mind to settle heavy in your gut.
Where could you go now?
Your place wasn’t safe.
Who could you ask for help?
You didn’t want to put anyone in danger. No one would help a stranger at this time of night, anyway. Especially not when the Knights of Ren had been seen prowling.
Did Kylo know you were here?
He had to have sensed you. Your blood called to him. It must be the reason they were here.
A soft shuffle behind you threw you into action. You dashed down the street, away from the noise, away from the Knights of Ren. Surroundings blurred. Streetlights punctuated the dark. Your ragged breathing drowned out all other sounds.
You turned right, then left, then another right.
Before long, you had to slow. Your legs nearly gave out. You felt like you were running in circles. Everything remained unfamiliar, yet a sense of déjà vu remained. That storefront looked similar to one a few blocks back. Same with the pile of leaking garbage bags at the curb.
Or were they new?
You skidded to a stop by an unlit alley and braced yourself with hands on your knees.
You were alone. Not even a rat skittered. You slumped against the nearest building. A bead of sweat trickled above your eyebrow.
Whispering a curse, you wiped it away and inhaled lungfuls of air.
“You made this game quite easy.”
You froze. That oh-so familiar voice came from the alley.
“It’s like you want me to catch you, sweetness.”
As if made from the misty shadows themselves, Kylo’s silhouette manifested at the edge of a cone of streetlight. He leaned a shoulder on the nearby wall, insouciant.
Fear, like jagged ice, kept you immobile. The connection you had with him yanked at your breastbone. You grappled with the lure of stepping closer.
“You must be exhausted.”
You staggered away, feet nearly tripping over each other in your haste. The cracked concrete went indistinct as you turned to sprint. Arms like iron wrapped around your middle and pulled you into the alley. You stiffened, though you knew better.
A victim was supposed to go limp. It made an attacker work harder.
You squirmed between stiff and limp, kicking your feet. You drew yourself up to scream. A huge hand — warm, he’d just fed — covered your mouth.
Your muffled cries fell on a deaf city.
He tutted. “None of that.”
You couldn’t stop. There was a chance to get away. If only you could loosen his hold. You clawed at the arm around your waist. No tugging or scratching earned you freedom.
Blood-scented breath ghosted over your neck. A nose nuzzled into your hair. Soft lips brushed the shell of your ear.
Kylo breathed, “I have missed you.”
You paused at his sincerity, eyes closing.
No, you couldn’t give in.
You pulled at the hand covering your mouth. When it didn’t move, you slapped it. He let his hand drift to your shoulder, but not before his fingertips caressed your lips. You wanted to spit the feeling off.
“Did you miss me?” he asked.
You hissed, “No,” and elbowed him in the ribs. “No.”
He tutted again. “You wound me,” he said, though he hardly sounded hurt.
He tucked his firm body against yours off-center and placed a tender kiss on your neck.
A shiver rolled through you, bringing with it memories of pleasure and promises.
“Stop it! Lemme go!”
“Back to that?” He sighed. “After all we’ve been through?”
Tears pricked your eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you, my sweet.” His hand slid to your throat, making you stretch and inhale. “Yet every time you flee.” His grip tightened and voice hardened. “Every time you seek my wrath.” He canted your chin to expose your jugular. “And every time you lock horns with me, it’s others who get hurt.”
You’d caused someone to suffer. Or maybe die this time.
“Don’t fret. It was quick,” he said. “They didn’t have time to scream.”
Vic. That was what their wife’s call must’ve been about.
You squeezed your eyes shut. A delicate tear rolled into your ear.
You’d killed them. You hadn’t meant to choose them, but you had. By keeping their company, you’d sicced Kylo on them. You knew what he was capable of. You realized it years ago. He’d killed so many.
Your gut twisted.
Your voice cracked as you asked, “Why?” You shook your head as much as you were able. “I don’t— I never wanted—” You swallowed around a dry throat. “Fuck, why?”
Why me? Why do you want me? Why do you care? Why don’t you kill me already?
Kylo’s hold loosened. His hand traveled to splay across your upper chest.
“I want to give you everything. All of me.”
His hand disappeared, and two fingers guided your chin to the side. You complied and opened your eyes.
“Anything you want. Just stay by my side.”
You studied his dark pupils rimmed in red, seeing his hunger and ruthlessness and loneliness. None of that had been apparent when he’d barged into your life.
“Just give me your heart.”
“I don’t want—”
He cut off your protest with a kiss.
You hadn’t protested at the start. It felt good to be desired by a dreadful monster like him. He’d opened himself, answered every question.
He’d told you about his mortal life. His mother Leia Skywalker had been part of the dvoryanstvo — Russian nobility. She’d run away to the United Colonies, where she’d fallen in love with some reprobate. Being a proper lady, she’d married him, bedded him, and proceeded to get with child. Leia ran home when colonial life no longer suited her. She’d had her child — a son: him — during the crossing.
Since Leia was married, and Kylo not a bastard, they were welcomed at court. The reprobate soon followed. The tsarina found the Amidala-Skywalker and now -Solo clan quite the curiosity. The tsar enjoyed Solo’s hunting skills.
Kylo said he remembered standing with his grandmother and mother to watch the gilded debutantes being presented at court. His grandmother whispered innocent gossip to him between introductions. His mother appeared to ignore them, but she listened just the same.
On a snowy evening mid-season, Armitage Hux, a distant cousin of the tsar, returned from the west. Accompanying him was a peculiar Dr. Snoke. The tsarina was captivated by Dr. Snoke as though spellbound. She favored Dr. Snoke, going so far as to appoint him court physician.
Armitage took to strutting about every dinner and ball. He was obsessed with Dr. Snoke’s scientific experiments, discussing results in esoteric terms. He collected blood from the hares, foxes, and deer during hunting excursions. At first, Kylo assumed like everyone else it was for these experiments.
Then he found Armitage in Dr. Snoke’s laboratory with bloodstained lips, a beaker of fresh blood in his hand. In a frenzy, Armitage explained that blood wasn’t only a humor. It was the source of life.
You’d stopped him to ask why he’d been visiting Dr. Snoke’s lab. Kylo replied Dr. Snoke had wanted him to read a few books from his private collection. Dr. Snoke promised more knowledge than the tutors his mother hired. Naturally, Kylo had been intrigued.
Intrigued enough not to run from the laboratory.
Armitage showed Kylo a chart of his own making on the distillation of power — “a force connecting everything” — through the blood, from feeble insect to apex predator. Armitage was certain one could accumulate this power by devouring the essence of weaker creatures.
Kylo understood the logic, yet something about how Armitage explained it troubled him. With that reasoning, the most potent essence would be from their fellow man. That sounded taboo.
When he next saw Dr. Snoke, he mentioned Armitage’s alarming hypothesis. Displeasure flashed across Dr. Snoke’s face. Kylo thought he’d made a mistake by broaching the topic. However, Dr. Snoke explained he’d been putting off that lesson until Kylo had more scientific understanding.
In his arrogance, Kylo insisted he could grasp any lesson Dr. Snoke wished to teach.
He thought privately Armitage, who everyone knew to be a bastard, wouldn’t best him. It hardly mattered how many lies his father Brendol spouted. Brendol Hux hid some misfortune for the crown and used that fact to force his family upon the rest of the court.
Dr. Snoke promised Kylo wisdom beyond anything he’d been exposed to thus far. He asked when, and Dr. Snoke offered him an apprenticeship. Dr. Snoke would be journeying west once more in the spring. Kylo could join him.
His mother forbade it. She attempted to lure him into staying by introducing him to any debutante who would indulge her. She bargained. She cajoled. She bribed. When she remained unsuccessful, she turned their whole family against him. Their objections were all they’d discuss with him.
Towards the end of March, the ice broke on the river, and the snow started to melt. He left his family home in the small hours of the night. He met Dr. Snoke and Armitage at the harbor and boarded a ship headed for France.
At every port along the way, Dr. Snoke disappeared while Kylo and Armitage dined. He asked Armitage if he knew where Dr. Snoke went, but Armitage lied when he said he didn’t. Apprehension kept Kylo from asking Dr. Snoke directly.
Kylo said he realized much later he had asked Snoke, but Snoke made him forget.
In Gothenburg, he gathered the courage to follow Dr. Snoke. He feigned a sour stomach to avoid dinner. The sun had just fallen below the horizon. Townspeople lit their outdoor lanterns. None appeared to notice Dr. Snoke trekking through the streets, which seemed improbable since the doctor was exceptionally tall and dressed in foreign garb.
Dr. Snoke turned down a side street as if he were familiar with the city. Kylo waited at the corner to observe Dr. Snoke halt at an open gate. Dr. Snoke’s demeanor went from innocent visitor to ravening fiend in the blink of an eye. His shoulders hunched. His hands became claws. His shaved head suddenly reminded Kylo of a vulture.
Dr. Snoke darted through the gate. Kylo expected to hear the scuffling of feet or a scream, but there was only silence.
Kylo ran to the gate to find no one. He turned first to where he’d come from, then down the street. Both sides were deserted. He didn’t understand. No one simply disappeared.
He took a step forward to investigate. The lifeless body of a girl hit the stones before he could take another. Her dark braids wreathed the splatter of gore. Her joints bent at wrong angles. He stumbled backwards, heel catching. Strong hands caught his shoulders and spun him.
He found himself staring into the red, hypnotic eyes of Dr. Snoke.
“I see you couldn’t stay on the ship,” said Dr. Snoke, who tilted his head like a great hunting cat.
Kylo saw his fangs for the first time.
“And now you wonder if Armitage has known all along.”
Which was true.
“He has,” Dr. Snoke said, sliding his hands to Kylo’s neck and turning down the collar of his overcoat. “So, tell me, are you in danger?”
Tears welled in Kylo’s eyes as he whispered, “I’ve always been in danger.”
“Too right.”
Dr. Snoke struck then. His sharp teeth pierced Kylo’s jugular and drank deep. Kylo felt the sinful pull in his groin. Despite that, he shoved at Dr. Snoke’s chest. It was as though he’d lost his strength. He felt like a pup taking on a bear.
He opened his mouth to protest, though no sound came.
Dr. Snoke held him tight, pressed him to the nearest brick wall, and ground between his legs. Kylo’s gorge rose, but his body didn’t have the strength to heave.
He knew he was dying. Dr. Snoke was killing him. Dr. Snoke would use him until there’d be no more. A spark of anger flared in his gut. He balled his hands into fists and struck Dr. Snoke. His furious heart hammered behind his ribs. This wasn’t supposed to be his death. He wouldn’t end here.
He croaked broken words, groaning at the effort.
Dr. Snoke withdrew with a chuckle, blood trickling down his chin.
“Such resolve! Such strength!” He grasped Kylo’s chin. “You think you have the stamina, Young Solo?”
This was what Armitage had spoken of. There was power in the blood. Dr. Snoke had discovered a way to harness it. He had kept the truth behind Armitage’s collecting blood and his own scientific experiments hidden. They’d lied to him.
Kylo snarled.
Lovingly, Dr. Snoke said, “Beautiful beast,” and smiled, bloody teeth flashing.
Dr. Snoke unsheathed his blade and slit his own wrist. Blood, dark like a desiccated rose, oozed from the cut. The scent of it familiar and ancient.
He watched his hands bring the wound to his mouth. Blood smeared over his bottom lip and poured into his mouth like scalding rain. He dissolved into unknown pleasure, torn apart as if ravaged. He was destroyed and built anew with Dr. Snoke’s blood.
He experienced everything at that moment: the metal taste on his tongue, the hint of spring in the air, the way their hearts synchronized for a second, the emptiness of his veins, the magic in the blood permeating every fiber of his being.
It happened so quickly it was dizzying. It was a taste, then a fact.
The infinite stretched out before him, all possibilities spread like the fan of playing cards on a table.
He’d told you Dr. Snoke became simply Snoke and Armitage had been satisfied as an unaging thrall. When you’d asked what happened to Snoke and Armitage, Kylo replied he didn’t know. He’d escaped Snoke’s clutches decades earlier.
He’d said how grateful he was to have found you: a comfort like he’d never known. His eyes had been so warm.
Yet his eyes weren’t warm when he’d caught you.
You pushed at him, but Kylo’s grip was unyielding. Your protests only inspired him to strengthen his hold. He gripped your jaw to open your mouth. You mewled as he teased your tongue with his own. It knocked the breath from your lungs, as it always did.
The hard length of his cock against your hip made you shiver. Maybe shudder. You wanted him, yet you shouldn’t. He was terrifying, yet putty in your hands. He was a killer, yet wanted to be your weapon.
Gentle fingers crawled under the loose hem of your shirt, brushing the skin above your waistband. His arm tensed. He was going to tear you open, claw at your tender belly.
You thrashed to get away before he could.
Kylo broke the kiss and tightened his hold on your jaw.
“Stop this, or I’ll give you a fucking you can’t walk away from.”
Your breath seized. He meant— He wouldn’t— Oh God, yes, he would. He would force his cock in your ass and drink your blood until you passed out. While he’d never done that to you, he’d done it to one of Armitage’s lackeys. He’d said it was for a transgression.
You’d gone beyond a simple transgression. You’d been running from Kylo for over two years.
“Kylo, please,” you said as your vision blurred with tears. “Please, just let me go.”
You knew he wouldn’t.
He pulled away.
You teetered from a lack of support and weakened legs. He caught your upper arm and shoved you against the wall. You braced yourself on bent arms. The bricks’ texture caught at your shirt and palms. The scent of wet stone and musty mildew invaded your nose.
He cradled your hips and asked, “Let you go…?”
His lips caressed your neck, dragging up your skin. You wanted to flinch from his touch, but he moved down until his forehead rested on your shoulder.
“How many times must we go through this? This game of cat-and-mouse?”
A hand slid up your side and rounded your ribs to cup a breast. You closed your eyes as a frisson of pleasure had your nipple tightening.
“How many people must I go through for you to see we can’t be separated?”
He squeezed your breast just this side of too harsh. You bit your lip. His other hand wended around your waist.
“How many times do I need to fuck you for that to sink in, hm? Surely by now you understand your place.”
He released your breast to tug at the button of your jeans.
Your eyes flew open as you pushed at his hand.
“Kylo, no.”
“Yes,” he hissed. “You need to accept it.”
He undid your jeans and spread the fly.
You realized you’d been a fool to think you could get away. You’d been a fool to believe he wasn’t still Snoke’s, that your love alone would change his heart.
You batted at his forearms, then gripped his wrists. He didn’t budge at your scrabbling hands. He barely reacted to them. Instead, he brushed his lips against the side of your neck.
You stiffened, anticipating the bite of fangs.
“I can’t, I can’t— Kylo, I don’t— I never wanted—”
You’d only wanted the person behind the monster.
It was a tragedy they were one and the same.
Kylo stilled, his lips a scant centimeter from your skin.
You stilled. Your words had been a mistake. Just like leaving him behind had been a mistake. And the most egregious mistake: getting involved with him in the first place.
Despite that being true, Kylo was correct about never wanting to hurt you. He never had. He could and had hurt others, but never you. He’d bitten you, drank your blood, gripped your hips hard when he took you.
But he didn’t hurt you.
In fact, he made you feel good. He made you writhe and moan with blinding, white-hot pleasure. Your mind went blank when he thrust his thick, monstrous cock into you. That might be worse than any fist or fang. Pain you could get over, but pleasure not as easily.
He whispered, “I think you need a reminder of where you belong, sweetness.”
Those words reverberated you into the past. That night had been like this one: quiet, starless, and calm. Until it wasn’t.
The world had tilted on its axis when someone threw you into an SUV while you’d been checking your mailbox after work. Terror choked off your screams before they even gagged you. Rope looped around your wrists and ankles tight enough to bruise.
A long-fingered hand seized your chin and made you meet blue eyes as the vehicle started moving. The man would’ve been handsome with his angular face and long ginger hair if not for the contemptuous sneer marring his full lips. His gray suit was Savile Row crisp, and his black Chelsea boots gleamed in the overhead light.
“Ren’s precious little blood-whore,” he spat and threw your head to the side, where it bounced against the back of the bench seat.
“You sure about this?” the driver asked.
“He will capitulate for this one. Snoke foresaw it.”
At the name “Snoke,” you wiggled away until your back hit the door. Your kidnapper appeared bored and pulled a pistol from his jacket. He braced his arm between the seat and his chest to aim at your face.
You looked from the steady pistol to his face and back again.
“Listen well, you stupid slut,” he said. “You are in no position to escape. You chose this the moment you let that fool into your life.”
You wanted to protest that you hadn’t let Kylo into your life. He’d slithered in on his own.
A tiny voice replied, And you let him stay.
You had. You’d done nothing to stop him, even after it was apparent what a monster Kylo could be.
You’d curled into the corner to stare out the SUV’s tinted windows. They’d tied the knots at the back of your hands, so you couldn’t reach them. You certainly wouldn’t dare bring them to your mouth to work them open with your teeth.
When the SUV stopped, they manhandled you through an abandoned convenience store. In the stockroom, a bald man sat at a bare card table. Scars like melted wax trailed down one side of his face. He wore a gold smoking jacket, loose slacks, and velvet loafers. You nearly laughed. He looked like a Hugh Hefner cosplayer. The only thing missing was a white captain’s hat.
A hand on your shoulder forced you to sit in the folding chair across from him. When you met the bald man’s eyes, any witty remark died in your mouth. His gaze was too intense, too stern, too disapproving — and too ancient.
This was Snoke.
The gag fell from your face.
“You saw Kylo Ren yesternight, did you not?” he asked mildly.
His voice rumbled like strange thunder. He breathed in as if he could taste you on the air, like a snake senses prey.
Despite your mouth being freed, you could only bob your head.
“Yes, of course. Quite understandable now why it’s so difficult for him.” Snoke’s expression turned forgiving as he leaned over his crossed legs. “You are quite the delectable temptation.”
Your gut twisted and toes curled in your shoes at the compliment. You didn’t want to be a temptation for Snoke, nor did you want him sampling any part of you.
Crashing chaos erupted from the storefront. People screamed. Cracked steel and shattered glass exploded through the open door.
You launched yourself to the cold concrete floor, bringing your bound wrists to your mouth. The metallic pop-pop-pop of gunfire snapped overhead. You bit at the first knot and pulled. Hot bullet casings clanked nearby. The knot gave way to the next. You wrenched the next one loose, then shook your hands until the rope slipped from your wrists.
A tide of black vapor surged into the storeroom. It blinded you, but it didn’t stop you from groping for your restrained ankles. The rope there made no sense. You couldn’t find the knots.
Come on! you yelled at yourself, finding the knots. Come on!
You twisted and gritted your teeth and almost cried when you couldn’t undo them.
Light returned to the room as the vapor converged into a figure with broad shoulders and long legs. Unmistakably Kylo. It was the first time you’d remembered seeing him do something like that.
However, you couldn’t focus on him. He was fine. On the other hand, you had to free yourself and escape.
Black boots planted themselves on the floor, spread hip-width apart. Yards beyond them lay the lifeless body of your kidnapper, his head rotated at an unnatural angle. That lovely ginger hair veiled his closed eyes.
You pulled your gaze away to untie the knots.
“Ah, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said warmly. “Thank you for honoring my summons for once.”
Kylo replied with a tight, “Master.”
As quietly as you could, you pulled the knots loose and unwrapped your ankles. Snoke and Kylo had to have known you were still alive, but you didn’t want Snoke directing his attention to you. Nor did you want to distract Kylo.
Snoke’s voice sounded as though he had multiple voice boxes when he ordered, “Come. Kneel.”
Kylo staggered to Snoke and dropped to his knees.
Your mouth went dry. Your heart beat double-time. You were about to witness Kylo’s death. Snoke would take his head and drain you dry. Or worse: make Kylo kill you.
You couldn’t let either of them do that. You wouldn’t allow Snoke to torture him like that. Not like this. Not ever.
Even if it meant not being with Kylo again.
You eased to your knees and crept around your chair. Kylo’s back was to you, but Snoke faced the door. There was no way to leave without Snoke seeing.
“Where are you going, myshonok?” Snoke asked.
You went rigid, one knee hovering above the floor.
“Join me at the table.”
If you sat, what horrors would you witness? What would he make you do? How angry was he?
“Sit.”
“No,” Kylo ordered. “Ru—”
Snoke silenced him with a blow.
Kylo’s head jerked back, blood arcing from his face.
You gasped, already on your knees.
“I said,” Snoke repeated. “Sit.”
You were in the chair before you made the decision to stand. Your brain filled in the gaps: you stood, took the necessary steps to come around the chair, and sat.
“Stay. Be quiet.”
You glanced at Kylo. Blood bisected his cheek and tracked to his forehead. You waited for the cut to heal, but it didn’t. It just bled.
That didn’t make sense.
“Kylo Ren, I’ll give you a choice — like I do in all things,” Snoke said lightly, as if he hadn’t just wounded his progeny. “You can erase your presence from her mind, you can kill her, or you can turn her.”
“No, Master, don’t—”
“You’ve forced my hand in this matter. She knows too much.”
Kylo was quiet for a moment, then:
“If I take her memory, you’ll leave her in peace.”
“Her, yes.”
You mentally screamed for him to refuse. Snoke agreed to you being left alone, but not Kylo. You couldn’t allow Snoke to take him from you.
You willed through Snoke’s hold to say, “Turn me, Kylo, change me. Just don’t go, don’t let him—”
Snoke said, “You belong to him. It’s not your decision.”
The hell it wasn’t.
You wanted to race for the street, get away from them both, yet your feet wouldn’t obey. You gripped the seat of your chair hard enough your fingers went numb.
To Kylo, he said, “Do it.”
You shook your head as Kylo shuffled closer.
Please don’t do this. Please snap out of it. Please, please, please…
A single metallic pop rang through the storeroom. Kylo cried out, gripping his shoulder, and toppled against the table. Another pop. Snoke’s expression went from smug to shocked. Blood burst from his chest.
Snoke’s hold disappeared.
Kylo yelled, “Go! Run!”
You threw yourself out of the chair and sprinted through the store. Broken bodies, warped metal shelves, and shards of glass littered the floor. You sidestepped and leapt over each obstacle, not allowing your gaze to linger on any of it.
“Kylo!” Snoke bellowed and continued in a language you didn’t understand.
You couldn’t leave Kylo back there, though, bleeding and at the mercy of his maker.
Kylo yelled for you to go again.
You ran out of the convenience store and never looked back.
And you never stopped running.
Because nowhere was safe — not with Snoke out there and Kylo potentially under his control.
Kylo now sucked harshly at your neck, claiming you. Your thighs trembled as a big hand snaked inside your underwear to caress your belly. You couldn’t help but arch into his touch.
“Spread those legs for me.” He gripped the curve of your belly, fingers teasing your pubic hair. “I’ll remind you of your place.”
He cupped your mound. Two fingers dipped into your slit. It was mortifying to feel yourself slick.
He chuckled low in his chest.
“You’re going to moan for me.”
You shook your head and hid your face. You didn’t want him to see how you bit your lip to stifle your voice.
He pushed two thick fingers inside your cunt, filling and stretching. You gasped. It had been too long. He murmured soothing words against your neck while he massaged you from the inside. His palm pressed against your clit.
You tried not to move, to quiver, to make a sound. You told yourself it shouldn’t feel so good. You should push him away and run.
His other hand slid up your torso to cup one of your breasts. This time, he was gentle. The fingers inside you pumped slowly while he massaged your breast and teased the nipple. You were caressed, from the full lips nuzzling at your neck to the patient hand between your legs.
Kylo knew your body too well, and you hadn’t experienced his touch in so long. It haunted your lonely hours. Your own touch hardly compared.
“You’ll whimper my name and ask for more.”
He scissored his fingers to stretch your needy cunt.
You nearly asked him for more right there, but he continued:
“And you’ll come on my cock when I give it to you, won’t you?”
You jerked in his hold. He answered by pushing forward to grind the mound of his erection against your ass. He dragged the tips of his fangs over your skin, nipped at the sore spot he’d already sucked there, before placing the softest kiss.
“Exactly like you always do, my sweet.”
He pulled his hand from between your legs.
You opened your mouth to protest. He moved quicker than any human to turn your head, fingers wet with your juices, and silenced you with a kiss. His tongue swiped across yours, warm and exhilarating. You returned the kiss and tunneled your fingers into his thick hair, brushing the subtle point of his ear. He plunged his hand into the front of your underwear again.
Unerringly, he found your clit and swirled hypnotic circles around it. Your pussy became wetter by the second, easing the glide of his fingers.
Against your parted lips, he said, “That’s how it’ll always be.”
But you weren’t Kylo’s blood-whore. Your kidnapper had been wrong. They all were wrong about you.
Kylo kissed you, claiming and deep and wrong and so filthy, you couldn’t mute a moan. He found a rhythm on your clit that made your cunt flutter and breath catch. You fisted his hair as you panted between sharp kisses.
You wanted to cover yourself and hide when his lips curled in a knowing grin.
You tore your mouth from his.
“Stop,” you said, though it didn’t sound convincing even to your own ears.
He ignored you, his clever fingers sending sparks of pleasure down your spine.
“I don’t… I can’t—” You clenched your jaw as your thighs quaked and muscles tensed. You were so close, orgasm building. “Kylo, I— I’m…”
He slipped his hand from your underwear, leaving you desperate for relief. Your cunt weakly pulsed as your orgasm died. You panted and let your forehead fall against the damp wall. Your combined shadows stained the concrete.
Kylo held your heaving ribs. He trailed delicate kisses along your nape. It was at once a connection and a reminder he could tear your spine out.
Wet fingers traced your bottom lip. You smelled the tang of your own arousal and clenched your teeth.
Kylo nosed at your ear to whisper, “I want to taste you on your tongue.”
You’d done that for him countless times. It drove him mad. He’d suck your flavor off your tongue while moaning and grinding his hips. He’d hold you tight while growling praises in your ear and working his big cock deep inside.
You shook your head and squeezed your eyes closed, despite knowing you’d ultimately lose this war. The only thing you could do was oppose his every pleasure in this last battle.
“Why are you still fighting me, sweetness?” he asked.
Your breath went uneven and your chest trembled.
You didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to fight him—
But Snoke.
Snoke was out there. He’d force Kylo to ruin what you two had.
The thought made tears flood your eyes and stream down your cheeks. When you sobbed, Kylo pushed two fingers between your teeth and pried open your jaw. You didn’t have to see it to sense his heated gaze. Kylo always — always — watched you.
The taste of salt and blood and musk coated your mouth. You refused to participate, remaining still as his fingers explored your tongue. Every measured stroke of his fingers tantalized — and aroused — no matter how much you denied it.
He withdrew his fingers and asked, “Why are you fighting me?”
“Please, don’t…”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t take me back to Snoke.”
Kylo nuzzled your cheek and shushed you. He kissed away your tears as slick digits smeared against your lips.
Your breath shuddered around a powerful unease expanding in your gut. You’d been foolish to think you’d get away. This was only delaying the inevitable. Kylo was toying with you. No doubt he had every intention of dragging you in front of Snoke where they’d decide your fate.
You were Kylo’s, and Kylo was Snoke’s. It was in the blood. Not even bleeding yourself dry would grant you a reprieve. The connection you had with Kylo wouldn’t fade, even with death.
“I can’t take you back to Snoke.”
“What? He’ll hunt—”
“No, he won’t.”
You half-turned to look into Kylo’s dark eyes and found him undaunted.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m Master now.”
His eyes flared red, brighter than before.
You shook your head. What had happened in the time you’d been gone? Why hadn’t he told you from the start? Why had he hurt everyone around you?
“His power resides in me alone,” Kylo said. “And now I’ve come to claim what’s mine.”
Not giving you time to form a question or voice it, he put his hand around your throat and crashed his lips against yours. Flesh ground against bone. His fingertips bruised. You were the meat to his butcher.
He groaned after a moment, as though relishing the near violence.
“Open.”
This time, you did.
He kissed you tenderly, sucking on your swollen bottom lip. His fangs grazed your skin. He flicked your tongue with his. You shivered at the silken touch of his preternatural tongue.
He made a satisfied sound deep in his chest at the taste of your arousal.
“Where is your place in this, sweetness?”
You blinked through the haze in your mind. You couldn’t form a reply.
“I…”
With a merciful shush, he turned you to face away. You placed your palms on the dirty wall. His hands caressed your sides until his thumbs hooked in the waistband of your underwear.
He couldn’t— Not here—
The haze fractured.
“No, Kylo, we can’t!”
He pressed you hard against the wall and put a hand across your mouth. Your underwear and jeans continued to slip down your hips.
“We can. I own the night and everything in it.”
Which included you.
Your lower body followed his as he straightened until your back was a perfect arch. The clammy air whispered between your legs, cooled your inner thighs. He kicked your feet farther apart.
Your eyes widen. He was going to take you like this, for anyone to see.
Your breath hitched at the press of his fingers at your soaked hole. He teased with swirling touches. You tried to keep your hips still, because moving was agreeing. It was acquiescing.
Kylo slid two fingers inside. Your cunt clenched around the intrusion. He purred and encouraged you to rest your head on his shoulder. He pushed deeper, slowly cycling his fingers. You rotated your knees inward, though you couldn’t fathom how your legs kept you upright.
His fingers retreated and pressed in, languid and thorough, as if trying to touch every part of your cunt. You turned your head to lean your forehead on his jaw.
He braced himself with a hand on the wall. You touched the back of his hand with shaking fingers. The fingers inside you sped.
You gasped, then bit the inside of your cheek.
“It’s been too long, hasn’t it?” he asked. “Your sweet little pussy isn’t used to this.”
You bit harder. You could only focus on his fingers fucking you open. He twisted his hand until his knuckles rubbed over your g-spot. You squirmed and swallowed a whimper.
“Let go, let me hear you. It’s just me and you here.”
“Ky-Kylo, please! Don’t— I can’t…”
“Yes, you can.”
A third finger eased inside to stretch you even more. Bolts of hot pleasure had you losing your breath. His fingers moved in measured thrusts, over and over. You clung to the wall as your knees almost buckled.
Then he pulled away. You twitched back to follow him or encourage him to continue. Full lips brushed your temple. His big hands took hold of your hips and raised you onto your toes.
“Just like that.”
Your heart leapt into your throat. He was going to take you here. If you tried to flee, he’d catch you within two strides.
Did you want to flee, though?
His touch left your body, giving you the opportunity. The metallic sound of his zipper opening held you in place. It had been too long. The weight of your connection to Kylo fixed you to the spot.
Heat smeared across your inner thigh. Knuckles brushed the underside of your ass. Then the thick tip of his cock parted your folds. You arched your back further, knowing what was coming.
Yet it didn’t come.
Kylo kept sliding his cock in your slit. He teased your stretched hole and the exposed bud of your clit. He did it until you rocked with him.
“Your place has always been in my bed.” He pressed his hard chest to your back. “Will always be. Beside me. With me.”
Your vision swam. The bricks blurred.
“Don’t ever forget it.”
A voluptuous pressure at your entrance made your eyes go wide. Hot tears spilled over your cheeks. You didn’t know how to respond, though you’d never forget his words.
Without warning, Kylo snapped his hips to impale you halfway down his cock. Beyond your control, a choked animal noise left your chest to resound through the empty alley. The bricks’ rough texture scraped your forearms and palms. Your body contracted around the heavy intrusion splitting you open.
Lips flitted along the juncture of your neck and shoulder.
“Just like this,” he murmured against your skin.
You groaned his name.
Kylo tensed and latched his hands to your hips and surged forward. He buried his cock completely in your pulsing cunt, pelvis tight to your ass.
You threw your head back with a piercing gasp.
He growled like the predator he was.
It was too much. It was like the first time with him. Every nodule on his cock woke nerves long asleep. You panted and shimmied and squirmed as your body acclimated. Each minute movement only added to your growing anticipation.
He gritted out, “Just like this — wrapped around my dick.”
He drew back. You protested with a small noise. He drove forward to start a brutal pace that had your vision narrowing and the edges darkening.
“Filled with my come.”
You trembled with every thrust. Your cunt got impossibly wetter with his words. He must’ve known, must’ve felt how they made you clench. Just like you knew your body — and heart — would accept him.
It had never hurt, and a part of you hated that. You hated how your body obeyed Kylo’s command. You hated how natural it was to kiss him, how easy your lips slotted with his. You hated how he fit so sublimely in you.
It was like you’d been made for him.
He angled his thrusts, somehow hitting even deeper, stroking every sensitive spot between your legs. The hands on your hips tightened as he pounded into you harder.
You moaned and pushed back. He hissed a “yes” and found that perfect rhythm. Your head spun. You clawed at the bricks while he continued an unrelenting assault.
You swallowed gasps and cut off another moan. One of his hands swooped to your jaw, tilting it up, stretching your neck.
“Don’t hide from me. Ever.”
Your breath caught.
“No, promise.”
His voice was black silk when he said, “Taking it so well. Such a good girl.”
You almost replied you wanted to be good for him. Only him.
He must’ve sensed it, because he stopped.
“No, don’t,” you said.
“Tell me. Tell me you feel it, too. Tell me.”
Tell me tell me tell me…
“I do! I feel it!” You shook your head as much as he’d let you. “Please, don’t— Please, I… I want to be good for you!”
Kylo groaned and tucked his face into your shoulder. His cock throbbed. He was going to bite you now. You knew it, could feel it.
His front teeth jabbed into your shoulder through your shirt. His fangs were so close. You hadn’t felt the sting and pull from his bite in so long.
You writhed in what you hated to admit was anticipation. At the same time, you mentally begged him to do it. Put you out of your misery. End the chase, the uncertainty, the killings. End you, if that was the culmination of this war.
He cursed and wrenched the collar of your shirt away. Stitches popped. Fangs pierced the juncture of your neck — a momentary pain. Hot suction followed, connecting your neck to your dripping, aching cunt. It gilded the coiling, molten pleasure building in your core.
He released your hip and plunged his hand between your legs. You bucked your lower body at the touch, torn between his hand and inhuman cock.
Then he began to thrust. He stroked your clit and sucked at your neck. You felt every mouthful of blood drawn from your veins, every slick-slide of his fingers on your clit, every harsh pump of his cock.
He worked your body, even as your muscles locked. You couldn’t move, couldn’t think. The tension and pressure built until you thought you’d explode with it.
But you didn’t.
You shook with each punishing thrust as he fucked you into a devastating orgasm. It burned through you like liquid fire. Wave after wave pulled you into its surge. Your mouth fell open with a silent scream. You couldn’t breathe. Heavy tears streamed down the outside of your face.
Kylo put a hand on your belly, smearing your come on your skin. His cock pistoned faster in your clenching cunt. He released your neck with a snarl. Warmth trickled over your collarbone.
“Kylo,” you mouthed.
He exhaled against your neck, breath tinged with iron.
“Plea—” Your voice broke. “Please, Kylo…”
“Please what?”
His soft tongue slithered over the tender puncture wounds.
Please, no more, you wanted to say. Please, don’t stop.
“Just… Please—”
Please take it all away.
He growled and snapped his hips forward. His pelvis slapped against your ass brutally — once, twice, three times. He buried his cock as deep as it would go before moaning. His cock pulsed. His come gushed, thick like honey, and filled you to overflowing. The warmth of it oozed down your thighs.
It was still for a brittle-edged moment.
Kylo placed his lips on your neck in a lewd mockery of a kiss. His breath puffed across your skin, as if his heart beat like a hammer. As if he had a heart.
You whispered, “Why do you keep hunting me?”
He wrapped his arms around your middle.
“Don’t you remember me saying I’d never let you go?”
Of course you did. However, people say that kind of thing in the throes of passion all the time. You assumed Kylo, despite being a vampire, was no different.
He said, “I call you my sweetness because you’re mine.”
His hands skimmed to your waist and steadied you as he eased his softening cock from your body. Your legs gave out, but he kept you from collapsing. You grabbed the bricks to catch yourself and leaned heavily on the wall, tilting out of Kylo’s hold.
Now that the sex was done, you yanked your underwear and jeans up over your hips. His syrupy come squished in your underwear and clung to the inside of your jeans. You cringed at the swampy feeling and the fact you’d let Kylo fuck you where anyone — everyone — could see.
The Knights of Ren couldn’t be far. They’d probably heard everything. Hell, they might’ve even watched.
You refastened your jeans and propped yourself against the wall in an attempt to muster a little dignity. It didn’t matter what stained your clothes now. They were already dirty with stress-sweat, come, and blood. Whatever garbage juice was splattered in the alley couldn’t make them grosser.
Kylo stood composed and less than a yard away, watching you. Always watching.
You resisted the urge to go to him and bask in his touch — the way he’d smooth your hair and cup your cheek. Like you were a beloved pet.
He’d made you his blood-whore.
The bite on your neck throbbed.
“I said I’m here to claim what’s mine. That still stands.”
You inhaled a stuttering breath and stared at his scuffed motorcycle boots.
“Snoke nearly took you from me,” he said. “You, who I want beside me every night.”
“But not forever.”
You were mortal. You would die. Time would end things, even if Snoke couldn’t anymore.
“Not forever if you keep running.”
You looked into his eyes that were the beautiful warm brown you adored. They went red. Your heart sped. They looked too much like Snoke’s.
“Stop running from me, sweetness.”
You blinked at the reverberating command. Your feet planted themselves to the concrete. You’d been running from Snoke, not Kylo. If Kylo told the truth, and Snoke really was dead, there was no point in running. You didn’t need to be apart from Kylo.
“You are everything good in my existence,” he said. “I refuse to be separated from you any longer.” He slashed at the air. “I won’t allow anyone to stand in my way.”
Not even you.
He’d made sure of that, too. Everyone you’d become friendly with in your mad dash from anyone vampiric had been killed. It’d been your fault. You’d acted like a spooked rabbit, running from burrow to burrow — and condemning every soul along the way.
He took a half-step closer.
“Am I not yours?”
“If you were mine, you’d know not to hurt people who’ve helped me.”
“Helped you?” He tilted his head with a huff. “Helped you? They allowed you to live in squalor.”
You let out a scornful laugh and crossed your arms over your chest.
Living in pre-furnished studio apartments or clean hostels wasn’t what you’d call squalor. It wasn’t a gothic castle overlooking a forested valley, either. Then again, no one you’d worked with lived in better conditions. Not even Vic, who only had a cozy one-bedroom.
Kylo held out a hand.
“Come with me. Let me give you what you deserve.”
You glanced at his broad palm and long, sturdy fingers. There was a time when those hands cradled you and loved you. There was a time when you didn’t know what they looked like covered in blood.
“I deserve peace,” you said.
“I can give you peace and safety. I’ll give you anything you want.”
You read between his lines. He’d give you anything as long as you stayed with him. If you explored the world on your own, you’d be exposed — as would he. You’d always be a weak point to exploit. You’d always be vulnerable. Snoke had figured that out.
You uncrossed your arms and looked into his eyes. Red encircled his irises, as though his vampire nature had been eclipsed.
“Give me your blood. Make me strong like you. Make me a vampire.”
He reared back as if you’d swiped at him. Astonishment painted his features.
“You want me to be your sire?”
“You want me beside you every night, don’t you?”
He breathed, “You love me.”
“Do you love me?”
He wet his bottom lip — such a human gesture — while his gaze darted to the side.
“I shouldn’t. It is a hindrance.” His dark eyes were like pools of deep water when they met yours. “You’ve seen what my kind do to each other.”
He indicated the scar going up his cheek. Snoke had missed ruining Kylo’s eye by millimeters.
You nodded and moved closer to touch the scar. It was a smooth, narrow groove in his blood-warmed flesh.
If Snoke had struck you like he’d stuck Kylo, it would’ve destroyed your jaw and cheekbone. You would’ve had implants and surgeries and weeks of speech therapy.
“I shouldn’t,” he repeated, and pressed your hand to his cheek.
“Neither should I.”
Not after all he’d done.
You’d hated him. You’d feared him. You thought about him every single day. You’d imagined different scenarios, from fighting him to falling at his feet to staking his heart.
He placed his other hand on your hip.
“No, you shouldn’t.”
You’d downplayed your feelings before Snoke had taken you. You’d told yourself you were satisfied with Kylo visiting a few nights every week. You had your freedom and privacy, a decent job and apartment, and a vampire lover. What more could you need?
Kylo lived in a different world, one he didn’t allow you to play tourist in. He’d said he wanted you to live a normal life. He wanted you happy and safe. At your insistence you were safe — and perfectly happy! — he exploded from the sofa where you two had been lounging. He’d flipped the coffee table and yelled you couldn’t possibly be either.
You’d ordered him out, telling him to leave and not come back until he wanted to behave. You hadn’t wanted to look at him right then. He’d rounded on you with a snarl, fangs flashing.
Then he’d been on you, kissing you, devouring you, tasting every inch of your body. He held you down and fucked you: on your knees, on your back, on the sofa, on the floor, on the upended coffee table, on your bed. You’d climaxed over and over again. He hadn’t stopped until dawn forced him to ground. You’d called in sick to work and sat in an epsom-salt bath for nearly an hour.
“I can’t leave this existence,” he now said. “I can’t leave you, either.”
“Then don’t.”
He shuffled you to the wall, his touch gentle. He always returned loving and tender, with sweet words and sweeter caresses.
“I’ll never let you go. I can’t.”
He grazed his fingertips across the clotting wound at your neck. You closed your eyes with a sigh. It should’ve stung, yet all you felt was him. He repositioned your hand from his cheek to his muscled shoulder. You slid your palm under the weight of his hair to hold his nape.
“Then don’t.”
You stared into his eyes, watching as red bloomed across his irises. It didn’t startle you any longer. The white of his delicate-tipped fangs gleamed. You drew him towards the wound and tilted your head back.
He made a desperate, hungry sound and wrapped you in his arms, supporting your head. You relaxed into his hold. Your breath shallowed.
This was the end. The end of running, of being scared, of the war you never wanted in the first place.
A faint star glimmered overhead — the lone witness to the ceasefire.
Kylo struck. He bit deeper than he ever had before. You gasped and clung to him as he drank the first mouthful. Your blood gushed with every beat of your heart.
Your feet left the ground. The night spun in a cacophony of dingy brick, velvet sky, and sodium lights. It spun and spun into a soft blur where nothing touched you and you touched nothing. Not even Kylo.
Liquid metal poured into your mouth, raging and carnal and animalistic. You swallowed. It was like swallowing a hot sea, like drowning. There was so much, too much. Energy filled you and flowed through you until you crashed against Kylo.
You opened your eyes and saw him as though it was the first time. You cradled his stunning face in your hands, his skin so new and electric. His eyes held all the warmth in the universe — its heat death quite improbable while he existed.
“I’m never letting you go,” you said, and kissed him.
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duskerot · 2 months
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i got SO inspired by this beautiful photo by Ron Frazier so i decided to paint it !! and then throw some guys on there cuz of course
u can look below the cut if you want to see the painting without the characters !!
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MY PAINTING !! this was so fun fr i love painting light <3 might go ahead and post this separately but for now you must look at these ocs ok?
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sainamoonshine · 3 months
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“What’s your problem??”
My problem is that I was forced to develop a constant iron-grip handle on my feelings from a very young age but then had to spend the rest of my life being called a bitch for expecting emotional maturity from adults around me.
My problem is that I had more respect of others and emotional intelligence at four years old than almost everyone I am forced to interact with on a daily basis and apparently it’s me who is the problem when I get frustrated about that.
My problem is that when I’m standing in a place where everyone agrees that it should be a quiet and calm place and there are actual rules on the wall that says it should be a quiet and calm place and people who are being paid to be here have been specifically instructed to be quiet and calm; I expect it to be quiet and calm. And when I get annoyed that it’s not, I’m told that the issue is that I expected rules (and common sense and the fucking social contract) to be reality, which is apparently an unreasonable thing to assume and asking others to comply with this assumption is seen as entitled and bothersome.
That is my problem.
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httpiastri · 11 months
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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mymp3 · 1 year
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my poster from the con!
#compendiumnotebook#alright finally get to post it!#the glare is killer but i still wanted to try#the con was super fun. there were some dickheads (what would u expect) but for the most part everyone was really nice#waiting in the yuri lowenthal line probably took like 45 minutes#there was an overflow line filled with people with sasuke funko pops and spiderman merch#it was super cute#all of the spiderman fans were incredibly sweet btw#the man himself was a sweetheart、you could tell he did this for a living. very professional. he had little things he would repeat over#a little kid asked abt yosuke and hes like “oh yosuke is my brosuke!” like he did it a million times、but he was still very polite#i was unfortunately a little out of it because there were too many people at the con but he tried striking up a convo w me#he knew what the poster was! he was like “oh neat、the kotobukiya one!”#like you can tell he tries to keep up with the franchises he's apart of for his fans and its sweet#aleks le was also very polite、 poor guy had to put up with carts of resellers though. like just carts of ppl with pops for him to sign#fortunately i got to actually ask him some stuff because i was better adjusted to the con. he thought my poster was cool#he said he had had 2 people previous ask him about persona in the con、so he was excited to talk about it#and oh lol#while he was signing he asked who i was cosplayed as because he thought i looked like akechi. lol.#very sweet men 、nice little expierence
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imperpetuallylost · 7 months
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kinda crazy but…
im gay for you
:o no way i’m also gay for u <3
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Basil (the herb) is a whore and you should know that before your second year with it in the flower bed
#emma posts#so is cilantro#my mom was like ‘oh you can have a few plants I want to use in the kitchen. right?’#and I was a teenager and my raised beds are on family property so I didn’t really have a choice#but. while the kale was pretty normal. THE CILANTRO AND ARUGULA WERE WHORES#whores I did NOT sign up for#I wanted the basil myself so dealing with that is annoying but whatever#but the worst part is that my mom didn’t even eat the plants she had me grow!!!#she ate ones I decided to grow because the family likes strawberries and raspberries#I need to get mint again#and sage#but ANYWAY#I did know that all of these plants were whores#i just wasn’t there when they first started sprouting#I’m going to be going home more often this month and my mom wants the yard looking good for my brothers graduation party#so today was my first garden day of the year#it was nice but my back hates me and I really should have worn gloves (I didn’t know where my mom put mine)#but I hope the plants do well while I’m gone#the basil should be fine. I’d be genuinely surprised if that hoard all died#but the new plants i added for it to look better. those I’ve never had myself#although I’ve wanted to#don’t think I have a green thumb. it’s maybe greenish but half the work is done by the dirt here#it’s just like ‘on it boss 👍’#I should move some catnip into my garden#the stuff in front of my parents house could use some seperating#my strawberries were little bitches last year though so I have to be extra careful this year#I like the variety I have and I don’t know what it’s called so if it dies I’m out of luck#it’s a really cool variety. it actually blooms twice a summer#I can’t keep plants alive inside very long though:(#except my current African violet that takes anything I throw at it
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erodingsinner · 4 months
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healingheartdogs · 6 months
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People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?
Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.
Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.
This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.
#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out#i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside#but then didn't#i do not trust that dog#and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me#cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended#and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers#like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up#and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault#your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him#my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do#so who doesnt have control huh????#theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it#because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all#and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment#thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too#because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him#and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it#i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries#and i dont trust their owners either#also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them#so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude#and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs#and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like#hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs#and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it#and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends'#DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH#I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem#rant
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shekeepsmeworms · 1 year
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Had some wine feeling good made a really shitty bowl in ceramics class this morning that I’m really worried has a bunch of air holes in it and had a really crappy therapy session where I didn’t talk too much but was honest about some other stuff which is good overall I guess but now I’m doing drunk crochet and watching the Duggar family documentary and probably going to stop watching soon once they start talking about the awful stuff but yeah day in the life of a woman doing her best I guess
#like both sides of my family are either Irish catholic. converted assimilation catholic. or part Jewish but raised catholic.#but my mom read the Boston glob report so I wasn’t baptized or anything and despite her born again phase I’ve never really been religious#so the thought of growing up in that environment is like I can’t imagine the pressure oh my god#like I’ve had Mormon friends and have some friends who were raised homeschool Christian married young and all and like#i don’t know it’s just wild how different our lives are like I’ve got a problems and def inherited the guilt complex thing for sure but like#I also never got told to submit to anyone or that god was watching#or to be modest or any of the purity stuff beyond normal patriarchy stuff#like I’m not saying my life is better but I didn’t do church after age 5 and only go to funeral masses so I like the comfort of like#doing sign of cross and saying Hail Mary and all bc it provides structure for grief but beyond that I can’t imagine living with all of that#these are very long tags with no real point beyond wow. that’s literally bananas to me. but did I mention I’m a little drunk#and even then my family isn’t like hardcore catholic. my grandma and her siblings skipped church to get donuts bc no farm work on Sunday#and my dad grew up like doing fasted mass and everything but heard the 2000s Harvey milk speech and realized gay ppl are okay#and then rest of extended dads side is like catholic but vote blue and think human rights are good and all#my mom has a student who’s like very traditional catholic like she was trying to teach him math and whatever#and the live coverage of waiting for pope confirmation was on tv the whole time#and he fights with her about evolution and learning about the existence of other religions and everything#so I guess even in my own family like. everyone’s down with basic science and civil liberties which is even weirder for me I guess#like not even among fundamentalists like just regular Catholics I’ve had a pretty liberal upbringing re faith. it’s just wild to me#to see the differences of worldview#and even non religion stuff was pretty liberal overall despite living in pretty red area. idk it’s just wild how different life can be
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yououghtaknow · 1 year
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they weren’t lying, that going outside, talking to people, going on a walk to get a little drink from the gas station really helps your mental health
#went to the writing thing!!! got a GOOD amount of work done did a Quick Sweep of my second act to edit more in depth later#and talked to some cool people about art and gender and disability and politics and stuff!!!!!!!#it's Nice being around people who aren't My People because i feel like i'm allowed to have opinions#ANYWAYS my bpd has been spiking because of [redacted] doing [redacted] and [redacted] and [redacted]#BUT i have evening plans of watching adventuring party and planning out more Long Term work <3#ALSO I BOUGHT MYSELF A NON-SAFE DRINK AND I LIKED IT#as in not one of my safe foods#i got a little strawberry yogurty drink thing and it was really nice!!!! AND it was only 90p!!!!!#and i walked home as the sun set and it was really nice even though i got lost because i was in a part of the city i'm not used to#BUT i managed to navigate all by myself (by following bus stops of the bus i got up to the place)#currently feeling very in my bejeweled era. feeling very i miss you but i miss sparkling!!!!!!!#i love discovering myself again after Trauma and Horrors. sadly this will probably all go away on saturday but we stay silly!!!1#i just feel more like a Person when i'm on my own or with people i'm not close to#ALSO I BOUGHT A BOOK TODAY#it was one of my favourite poets and i got to talk about him with the bookstore owners and it was so nice to have people Understand#AND I TALKED ABOUT WRITING PLAYS WITH A GUY WHO WAS ALSO WORKING ON HIS PLAY#we talked about being actor-writers and Bridging The Gap of the two mediums#he also recommended me some workshops i was going to sign up for anyway but it was nice of him :)#i LOVE being in queer and neurodivergent spaces!!!!!#i was very shy and socially anxious but i was able to approach people and have conversations the whole time!!!!#i did sit on my own to do my work but i preferred it that way :) i also needed so much table space for all my pages#ANYWAYS. rambling over. had a nice evening. this is my little journal entry :)
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seagull-scribbles · 2 years
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Howdy! I'm your Sonic Santa - I've got some concepts, but I gotta ask: any particular aesthetics you're really into right now? Looking forward to it!
Hello 👋
erm? Honestly can't think of anything, all aesthetics have there own charm xx I think you should do the one that would be the most fun for you and whatever that will be I'm sure I'll love cause you've had fun making it
also dude thank you for being my Santa I'm very grateful you did a change for me so I wouldn't have been excluded
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