#theres just so much i have planned than im so READY to get written down but i have to get this stuff done first and it feels so slow

[toxicityriot]

I ain't never written ✨spice✨ before this shit is wack as fuck trying to set up lol.

Hope you release Chapter 7 within a week... Or two... Motivation and distractions have been kicking my ass lmfao. Worst timing ever lol.

[blackdollette]

AHHH YOURE LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS ON THIS APP‼️‼️‼️❤️

But Fr tho thanks for doing our requests I appreciate it you write wonderfully

Well idk if you’ve ever written something like this but if it too much you don’t have to give it a second though lol but-

Maybe freeuse!Danny

Hear me out- maybe you and your friends get together at a small gathering (everyone knows why they’re all there) Danny is SLUTTED out I’m talking thigh highs crop top collar on his neck (with your initial ofc!!) tonight’s all about your bf.

He’s all blushy and shy (like he didn’t ask for this in the first place) whining into your neck sitting on your lap but once you feel his cock hardening against your stomach you knew he was turned on.

One of your friends instruct him to come to them crawling and he obeys he’s just being a good free use slut all night. Everyone has permission to touch anywhere they want but nobody has permission to make him cum (your privilege)

(Maybe someone’s is fingering him while another one is softly stroking him totally up to you) he’s just the whore of the night complying to everything anyone says to him

TYYY

ahhh thank you so much!! ur literally so sweet, i swear im crying 😭 and ive thought of this concept sooo many times omg

"i know what the boys want." | dan cooper

lolita. - lana del rey

gn!reader x dan

contents: exhibitionism, throat-fucking, use of sex toys, (theres more. i think...)

not proofread yet. pls bear with the grammar and spelling errors. ty!!

you had 3 of your friends over for the evening. you told them that you had planned something special for them all, and they all had a suspision of what it would be.

"oh danny... we're all waiting for you." you called out. less than a minute later, dan walking into the room shyly. he was wearing baby blue thigh-high socks, tiny blue shorts, a crop top that had "slut" written on it in red letters, and a jeweled collar with your first initial on it. he looked ready for everything that you had planned for tonight.

you patted your lap, gesturing for him to come sit. he walked over to you, planting himself on one of your legs, each of his legs on either side. he hid his head in your shoulder as he felt all your friends leering at him, like predators watching their prey.

he squirmed a little as you started gently massaging his back, your hands travelling up and down his body. he felt the gazes of everyone else wandering down his body. he felt like he was on full display, which he totally was.

"he's such a good little boy..." one of your friends said. danny whimpered softly, and you started to feel his bulge pressing up against your stomach. he wanted this really badly.

"why dont you c'mere for a moment, danny..." your other friend said. he looked at you, as if asking for permission. after getting your nod of approval, he crawled off your lap and started making his way to your friend.

but before he could get very far, you called him back. "why don't you lose the shorts for us, hun?" a red bush quickly spread through his face, but he couldn't refuse.

he slowly peeled the shorts off him, wearing no boxers underneath. his cock sprung out, already red and begging for attention. you smiled as he started crawling over to your friends, who were immediately all over him.

he sat infront of them like a little puppy, looking at them with his giant eyes as his boner throbbed in plain sight. one of the 3 sat in front of him, wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking it t a medium fast pace, making dan fall apart right at that second.

another one of them got behind dan, ordering him to lift his hips up, giving a perfect view of his little asshole. they spat on their fingers before massging the spit into dan's tight hole, making him whimper. they stuck 2 fingers in, making dan's body completely surrender to all the pleasure that he was feeling.

you handed the third friend a dildo, telling them to do whatever felt right. so they got in front of dan and made him open his mouth. as he did so, they shoved the dildo into his throat, forcing him to take the whole thing.

as dan was being throat-fucked, jerked off, and fingered, he couldnt help but feel like the biggest whore ever. letting strangers do whatever they wanted with his body. as much as he hated to admit it, he loved every second of it.

all three of them started to pick up the pace, his tight hole being stretched, his cock being stroked until it was red and swollen, and his poor, poor uvula which was being abused as the dildo went in and out of his throat. you sat back and watched the entire thing, a smile on your face.

you noticed his eyes welling with tears as the immense pleasure in his body started turning into a tight knot in his stomach. you stood up from the chair, deciding to take over as dan was about to reach his orgasm.

you told your friends to sit down, them stopping their actions immediately and doing as you say. as dan had his orgasm denied, he cried out, begging you to finish the job. you couldnt resist your precious little boy, so of course you did.

you putthe dildo onto the ground, making dan sit on it. you gave him permission to jerk himself off, which he did happily. as he started pleasuring himself, feeling that familiar sensation once again, you stuck two of your fingers down his throat, making him suck on them.

he started drooling all over your fingers as he felt the dildo hitting that sensitive spot inside of him. tears were falling down his face. he felt all the eyes staring at him as he put on this show, but he couldnt stop.

the stroked his cock faster and faster until he felt his spine starting to shiver and his mind going completely blank. "wanna cum for us, danny?" you whispered. he nodded frantically.

you flipped him over so he was on his back and called your friends over to assist. one took over with jerking him off, and the other two stretched his perfect little asshole for him.

"alright danny, you can cum on the count of three, ok?" you said sweetly. dan nodded, sobbing from everything that he was feeling right now. "3... 2... 1..." he screamed out as he came, so much more coming out than you anticipated.

he was in a position that allowed him to cum all over his own face, so in a matter of seconds, his face was painted with his own cum. it was a very pretty sight to see.

he was panting like a dog by the time you were done with him, his hair dishevelled and his cheeks flushed. you sat back on the couch, dan sitting on your lap. you gave him a soft, tender kiss. "you did such a good job for me tonight, baby..." he beamed as he heard this.

now your friends all knew one thing for certain: dan cooper was definitely the world's biggest whore.

author's note: last post of the day!! thank you so much for this amazing request, it was so much fun to write and i cant wait to read it myself. i hope you all enjoyed!

[tera-91]

Mid-June Rant

Im not sure when Ill post this.

July 2nd is when 2024 will be half way over. Even though as I start to write this post it is only June 1st. It feels like Ive spent half of the year already. Like Ive wasted half of the year.

Or rather I cant shake off the last half. When 2024 began I felt like it was Spring oddly enough. Like a new beginning. The first quarter went by and I kept doing the same thing over and over again. Then April hit and I decided to turn my world as I knew it upside down.

Wow that sounds dramatic.

Not really.

Just that I needed to make a change.

My first thought was to go back to school. To do something that I could make what I was in a week in a day. In reality it would probably take me a couple of days. Which wouldn’t be bad. I would more than double my income. The only problem would be that it will take me about 3 and a half years to get there.

That is quite a while to stay at a job that, deep down, I wasn’t happy. I get that it cant be great all the time. But everyday. I would go into work, either pissed off that I was there. That I felt like I was wasting my time. And if I wasn’t mad, or frustrated. I certainly was watching the clock and ready to walk out of the door.

The manager that was directly my boss I guess, was a inconsiderate jackass. But the other one I feel so much respect for. This manager wants to see if things can be talked out with the other manager. But even if that’s the case I feel like that one is such a vindictive tyrant. I don’t want to work for them. I just don’t know how to tell the other manager. Theres nothing else I can do. Nothing else I want to do.

I feel like I need to make a change.

But I have no one to talk it out with.

My friends say that I should take a break. My family is just wishy washy. I should do what I want. I wish I could talk to my dad. I feel like he could understand my brain better. The only other person that gets it is my sibling. Although we got different versions of neuro-spiciness. My sibling has quite a different choice of words for that manager though… I would rather not repeat.

Im not sure how many times Ill tell myself that I need to take a break. To make a change before I actually believe it. Or rather before I actually do something about it.

_____

Im not sure how many days its been since I wrote any of the previous stuff. Ive been doing a bunch of little things.

I feel like Im less stressed, I looked in the mirror the other day and realized, my shoulders were more relaxed.

Ive gotten a few things done. I got at least 3 videos made. I edited audio on another to come out hopefully soon. Ive written a little more.

Im exploring more.

Once I finish writing this Im going to tackle some things again. Try to get more done in my Roman story series. I hadn’t planned on making it a series but I ended up starting 4 stories with Roman for some reason, I don’t feel like I connect a whole lot with his character in comparison to Virgil. Then one day I was out with my pups and a thread appeared in my head. Connecting these 4 stories but I will have to make an additional one to make a 5 story series.

If youre interested in that, hopefully I wont make you wait too long for it. Im just struggling slightly as when I started the first one it was going to end differently so Ive been trying to add and shift things as I go.

I think I have a little bit of a block going, not necessarily in coming up with the story but to actually sit and write it. My brain is struggling to figure out which to tackle first.

Do I write? I have a bunch of different things that I need to write.

Do I record? I’m having a bit of an issue with my voice at the moment but I can at least prepare things to record.

Then there is the issue of income. I know logically at the moment I am lucky enough to have the option to step away from my source of income due to issues. But it is going to be a problem, I just don’t know how soon now. I have a medical thing going on that I will need to spend a not so small amount of money on which was not an issue prior to when I decided to take this path.

So I do think of that. Once that is hopefully taken care of in the real short future I will be able to tackle two things that I have a potential to get income in. Do I set up a patreon? It would be something to potentially help right now. I have applied for several jobs and have had at least 1 interview so far.

Part of me feels silly for thinking this. I mean I did decide to do a thing and this is the consequence of taking that action. But at the same time, I don’t regret making that decision.

Ill try to write the Roman stories but if that doesn’t seem to work I think I will try to get a little editing done.

_____

Right so a few days later and I’m still in job limbo apparently. Certain things happened in recent days. Didn’t get any of the Roman stories done yet.

Going to work on that and everything else that I need to work on.

I just need to do stuff as I have time. It doesn’t matter if I know I only have 5 minutes or if I jump on it and only get to spend that amount of time on it.

Off to make a list of things that I need to get done. Maybe if I have a visual representation of what is on my mind it will help.

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy! 

[boleyn-falcon]

The Queens of The Castle  Chapter 4

THE TIME HAS COME - IT HAS BEEN UPDATED!!!

im soooooo sorry this took like a month(i actually had half of this chapter written already) ill try and keep on it now since this up coming week is my last week of school! 

And if you got tagged, theres a chance you prolly even forgot about this fic by now... hehe whoops and if you've just been added to my general fic taglist, welcome to the shit show! imma link the last few chapters so you can catch up!

[im also sorry for the last chapters, they where my first fics and i didnt grammer or spell check them so be careful of that, i have grammerly now so its a lot better]

Chapter1 Chapter2 Chapter3 

‘The queens make it to the resort and get ready for the park!’

Word-count - 1256

TW - None! (other than an unholy amount of fluff)

The group made their way up to the fifth floor to find their two rooms, three queens per room. “Here they are!” Jane exclaimed unlocking the door with a grey band on her wrist and opened the door to the first room. The room had one queen-sized bed and a bunk bed. “ Me, Kitty, and Anne will take this room since I bet they want the bunk beds” The beheaded cousins ran into the room already claiming bunks. “I call the top bunk!”, “C’mon Annie!”, Jane and Cathy let out a small chuckle watching the previous queens of England fight over who gets the top bunk.      The blonde walks over to the next room over and opens the door to find two queen-sized beds, “I don’t care what you lot say I’m getting a bed to myself”, Anna stated as she set her stuff by the bed closest to the door. “Well I guess that just leaves you and me mi hija, I hope you don't kick”, the older Spanish queen says with a laugh. After a few minutes of adjusting and setting up all of their belongings, they start to settle in. In the first room Anne and Kat are already buzzing with excitement and a bit of impatience. To waste some time while the others get ready, Kat skips over to the balcony next to Jane’s bed and walks outside. The young queen is in awe as she looks over to see a beautiful grass field with amazing savannah trees. She stares for a few minutes longer, she starts to turn to go back into the room but something catches the corner of her eye. She turns back to see two majestic giraffes walking too one of the trees right in front of their room. Right as Kat is about to call in her cousin, she sees a small baby giraffe run with its long lanky legs to catch up with the other giraffes, it’s family.         “Annie! Jane! Come out here and see this!”, they open the door to reveal Kat with one of the biggest smiles they have ever seen on her face.  They both walk forward to see what their friend was yelling about and see the small family of giraffes eating from the tree.  “Oh Kitty, that's amazing! They are so beautiful!”, the motherly queen says giving the pink-haired girl a soft smile and a hug. Anne, with a large smile on her face, takes out her phone to take a picture of this moment so they can always have it. The picture had Anne holding the phone while smiling, Jane hugging Kat, and the giraffe family in the background clearly in view.        After a few more minutes of gawking at the animals, all six walk into the lobby, ready to take on the first park. There is when an issue arrived, they didn't know what park to go to for the first day. On one hand Magic kingdom was the main park, but it was also very overwhelming since there was so much.  They finally just gave up and decided to pick Magic Kingdom since they couldn't decide and only do some of the park today and the rest another day.     “Okay girls first we need to figure out how to get there since we have no car, I’ve heard that there are buses that can take us there”, Cathrine then pulled out her phone to find bus times and what stops the buses make. Cathy was way too distracted by the little wristbands Jane had all given them. Each queen’s band had a little Mickey head on them and they had all of their corresponding colors. Cathrine had yellow, Anne had green, Jane had grey, Anna had red, Kitty had pink and finally Cathy had blue. Jane had used hers to unlock their room doors and she vaguely remembers her explaining that they always need them on. The blue-clad queen was always marveled at the new technology of the 21st century, from street lights to iPhones, it was all so fascinating. When hearing about the resort that they would be spending their week at, it only ignited a flame in her mind of what all she could see. Cathy shooed these ‘nerdy’ thoughts, trying to just focus on waiting for any new information her godmother may provide about their means of travel.          “Okay loves! Our bus will be here in around five minutes so let's hurry up and get down there”, Cathrine leads the queens out the door of the lobby and to the line of people waiting to get on the next bus. The bus arrives and they all pile in, ready to see what lies ahead of them.        After a just few minutes of a slightly loud bus ride, Kat was already starting to get antsy in her seat. There’s so much she wants to see, all of the rides, new foods, a new culture even, it was making her mind race. The youngest queen was surely excited, but also scared, this was all so new and foreign. Just the bus ride alone overloaded her senses, the people were very talkative and honestly, kinda loud. She takes out her earbuds from the small maroon drawstring she had brought with her and began to listen to some calming orchestral music. The girl leans her head on the window of her seat and watches the myriad of large trees that scattered the land with a mix of purple road signs. Kathrine’s attention was grabbed as she felt an arm around her shoulder, she was immediately startled and panicked, she turns her head to only see Anna’s warm smile. She calms down almost instantly and removes her earbuds, “Oh hey Anna! What’s up?”. The German woman shifted slightly and gave a kind look to her younger friend, “Well I know when its loud like this is works you up a tad so I thought i might come over and just kinda be here for you”. Kat gave a huge smile and hugged the red queen in appreciation and they began to make small talk to calm the pink girl’s nerves.        Meanwhile, Cathrine and Jane chatted away at what to do first at the park, they knew Anne and Cathy liked having a schedule so they wanted to make sure they knew what they were doing.  The golden queen pulled up a map of the park and began to start making plans, “Okay so it looks like after we get to the front of this castle here it makes somewhat of a circle, I say we start at a place called ‘Adventure Land’ and make out way around to ‘Tomorrow Land’”. The blonde looked over her friend’s shoulder at her phone and smiled, “That seems like a rather nice plan Cathrine, it looks like they designed it so you’re going from the past to the future, kinda like we did in a way”. The Spaniard laughed and thought about the last comment her friend made, she was right after all and made her plan even better.         The bus came to a stop and they exited to find they weren’t at a park, but looked to be some kind of transport center. Their suspicions were confirmed when Jane read allowed the nearest sign “Ticket and transportation center, hm well this doesn’t seem like the Magic Kingdom”, she looked the sign over to see pictures of train-like vehicles with arrows. Anna approaches the purple sign then turns to her fellow queens, “Well Shit”.

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Taglist - @mindless-pidgeon   @prisky0731  @patdfobmcr-yt  @whenallthestarscollide  @ashkibagi-ziibiing @homosixual-dumbass    just tell me if you wanna be taken off or added!

[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

[j--meat-hook--j]

A Trip to the Mainland (Taiyuu cooking event) (?)

@taiyuu-high-oct

A Train from Taiyuu Island to Mainland Japan took a couple hours, hours of ocean, boredom and more ocean. Staring at the TV, Zeke remembered a time before Taiyuu, before Japan even. 

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A small town on the coast of Germany, a large building, a small apartment. 

A teenager enters, around 17 years old, wiping his feet and looking around, the clock reads 8pm. He spotted his younger brother in the living “room” by himself watching cartoons. The younger one couldn’t be older than 9. 

“Hey, kiddo. Where’s Mum?” 

“She got called into work.”

Frustrated in his mother’s irresponsibility and lack of note, the older brother tried to keep the conversation going as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Watchin TV.”

“Oh, so you found the remote?” “No.” Flick. The channel changed. 

Opening the pantry the older brother found… half a loaf of bread and a whole lot of empty space.

“Have you had anything to eat yet?”

“No. Mum was gonna get groceries but she got called into work.”

Biting his fist in frustration, the older brother pounded the pantry door with his head. Silently seething in anger the older brother put on a happy face, the older brother came out and sat next to the younger brother. 

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight, just you and me.” “Won’t Mum and Dad get angry?” “They’ll never know, I got a little extra money from work today.”

“I mean… sure.”

“Alright, get your stuff ready and we’ll leave in a few.” The older brother wrote a note for their Mother, if she returned home tonight. 

When the two got ready and were almost out the door, the younger brother stopped.

“Umm... Schlaut?”

“What’s up Zeke?”

“Are you sure Mum and Dad won’t find out?”

“Hey, we’ll leave our trash in a public bin, they’ll never know.”

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Finally on the Mainland of Japan Zeke had a couple trips to make. 

The first stop for today was to withdraw money, but look like a cool guy, Sunglasses on. Wandering around the Whatever City, Zeke can’t remember what it’s called, he started to get his bearings. 

‘Alright, grocery shop’s there, post office’s there and-’

Zeke felt a rumble down to his core.

‘It’s going to be a thunderstorm tonight.’

Finally finding an ATM in Whatever City, that took forever. Taking his “Credit” Card out Zeke approached the ATM, noone was nearby anyway but he still felt he had to play the part. 

Feeling the ATM Zeke felt all the different compartments, searching for the most used 4, Zeke found what he needed.

Trying the first one: Whirr, Zzzt And Dispense. 1000 Yen, not quite what he needed. 

Next compartment: Whirr, Zzzt and Dispense. 5000 Yen, close but not the notes he needed. 

The Third compartment: Whirr, Zzzt and Dispense. 10,000, exactly what Zeke needed. 

Grabbing an extra 13 10k Yen bills Zeke had enough to pay for his tuition, with some left over. 

That wasn’t right, only take what you need. Zeke remembered when this all became second nature to him, why quickly searching these machines became so easy. 

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“That’d be 50 Euros sir.” A cashier lady, in a large mall grocery store. 

“I’m really sorry, can you wave it just this once?” Schlaut, now at the age of 19, pleaded to the cashier holding a 20 Euro note. 

“I’m sorry sir, if you couldn’t afford it you shouldn’t have picked it up.” 

“But this is all we have for the week, we’ll go hungry without this food.” Schlaut 

“Then get 20 Euros worth of food or get out of the store.”

“Fine. C’mon Zeke we’re outta here.” Zeke, now 11 years old, followed his brother out of the store.

“What’s the plan now Schlaut?”

“I dunno kiddo, we’ll figure something out.”

It wasn’t long into the usual walk home when they walked past an ATM, it’s screen illuminating the sidewalk. The screen flickered strange colours, reds, blues even a neon green. Schlaut paused, did a slow turn on his feet and paced to the ATM. 

“Zeke?” “Yeah Schlaut?”

“Are you doing that?”

Zeke’s stiffened and he turned his face away from his brother. 

“Zeke look at me.”

Zeke reluctantly looked at his Older Brother, the pupils of his brown eyes glowing a slight blue. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Zeke was looking at the ground in shame.

“No no no no nononono nono, no Zeke. You did something very, very right.” Schlaut hadn’t felt this excited in a while. 

“Let’s play a game Zeke, see if you can find some paper in this machine.” Schlaut pointed to the ATM. 

“You mean money, isn’t that stealing?” Zeke was willing to do this, but he wasn’t very happy about it.

“Hey, we’re only going to take what we need ok? No more. We’re not villains, we’re survivors. See if you can find a 20 note and a 10 note.” Zeke had found a way to save us!

“Ok. I’ll try.” 

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Returning back to the present Zeke held about 2000 Yen too much in his hands. The fridge at Taiyuu was running low, this money seems appropriate for everyone to use. 

Zeke went to that small grocery store he passed by earlier. Fresh fruits and vegetables, that’s what Taiyuu needed, none of that instant shit. Apples, carrots, broccoli and one pack of the cheapest Cup Noodles he could find. 

‘How would the others at Taiyuu react? I don’t think Sako or Spellman would be particularly fond of me anymore. Ah well, they won’t find out. All the years of pulling this same stunt we were only found out once.’

Zeke paid a total of 1962 yen.

“Have a good day.”

“Yeah, you too.”

‘Only found out once.’

Supermarket (Schlauts Quirk)

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“How’s that Zeke, just enough to get us through this week. Mum should have  the day off tomorrow so we’ll cook a whole bunch then.” Schlaut, now 21, said to his brother Zeke, now 13.  

“Yeah, maybe Dad’d have time to help as well.” 

“I doubt it kiddo.”

RUUUUUUMMMBBBBBLEEE

“We should get going before it rains, seems like a storm is brewing. 

Off they were on the usual walk home, Through an empty courtyard, groceries in hand. Not too much, just enough to get by. 

“Hey Asshole!”

Schlaut turned, almost like he was expecting this.

“Yes, Gregory?” 

A potbellied man, more of a sphere than a man, called out to the two. 

“You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.”

“Us?” Zeke panicked.

“There’s about 4 of them, stay behind me Zeke.”

“What, who are you talking about, how do you know these people?”

“It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”

3 other men came up from behind the Sphere Man. One looked too long to be normal, another looked like a leaf man, the last one had spines coming out of his back. 

“Yeah, not so tough are ya now there’s more of us.” Sphere man said, he sounded like he was from New York, which is weird because this is Germany. 

“Huh, Good one boss.” The Leaf Man said, he had a very deep voice.

“Yeah, good one boss.” The Spine Man said, he had a very snively voice.

“Hehehe, heheh hehehe hehehe” The Long Man said, he had a very creepy laugh.

“You made it easier for me.” Schlaut butted in, sounding far too confident for a 4 on 1 fight. 

RUUUUMMMMMMMBLLLLLLEEEEE

Long Man reached over and punched Sphere Man in the face. 

“Aaaah, Tony, whaddya doin? Hit him not me!” Sphere Man was both confused and angry

“Heheheh, heheh, Hehehehhe!” The Long Man’s laugh seemed very panicked and confused. 

Leaf Man punched Spine Man, Spine Man grabbed Long Man. It was a free for all, none of the assorted goons and henchmen ever came near Schlaut and Zeke, Zeke leaned over Schlauts shoulder.

“What are they doing Schlaut? Why are they here?” Schlaut looked back at his younger brother. “Don’t worry, Zeke, they’re taking care of it themselves.” Schlaut looked at Zeke for a moment, just one moment was all it took for Zeke to notice the slight red glow from his brother's pupils. 

It wasn’t too long before the four strangers were all on the ground unconscious. Not once did the 4 even take a step towards the Funkee brothers. 

“Let’s go Zeke, it’s all taken care of.” “But… but-” “Let’s GO Zeke.” 

RUUUUMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEEE

They turned to continue on their way home, when Zeke heard skidding. No. Rolling? Turning around in curiosity Zeke saw Sphere Man rolling towards them, like a ball. A very angry ball. 

“Schlaut, look out!” Zeke jumped, panicked and….

FLASH

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM

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Not done for the day yet, still gotta send a letter off to Mum back in Germany, quick visit to the Posty and back to Taiyuu. Card, letter, shipping. Totaling 300 yen, that is cheap! 

Hey Mum,

Taiyous Taiyuus going great, i think im really hitting it off with everybody here. This place seems more my style than uA anyway. Theres a whole bunch of really weird people here. One person can  even shapeshit shapeshift!

Anyway hows things with you, hows the new job in France? 

Has Schlaut come back yet?

Love, 

Zeke

“Just one letter, wouldn’t a text be better?” The teller was confused.

“It’s just a little tradition we have. Notes and written things are easier to keep anyway.”

Zeke made his way back to Taiyuu, hours on the train, again. The news reports were going on about a villain by the name “The King”. Luckily Taiyuu covered the costs of going back to Mainland Japan. Making his way back to the kitchen area Zeke deposited the fruits and veggies into the communal fridge. However, Zeke kept the Noodle Cup.

Zeke set the kettle to boil and thought of the day everything changed, the day Schlaut left. There was no bang, there was no warning. Around when Zeke was 13 Schlaut just, poof, gone. The whole family thought he was dead for months until Zeke’s 14th birthday, where Zeke got an RC car, brand new and very high end. It came with a note.

Hey Kiddo, Happy Birthday. Sorry I couldn’t be there this year

Noone ever really bothered Zeke again, of course Zeke still had his friends but noone bullied, assaulted or even annoyed him again. The icecream place even gave him a discount. Teachers were a whole lot nicer, even recommending him to hero courses like UA: LA, Shiketsu and Seijin. That was 2 years ago. 

The screech of the kettle brought Zeke out of his thoughts. Filling his Cup Noodles with boiling water Zeke had made a shitty meal at Taiyuu.

BOOOOOOOMMMMMM

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot.”

Maybe not.

[shanascarlett]

Thoughts on Hasbro Universe after Revolution

Im big fan of G.I. Joe/Transformers. But when I heard that there are more than 2 franhises in one universe, it blew my mind. So I decided to check out them. One of them I heard when I was kid.

Revolution was big. For some it was epic, other think it was mess. I understand why ppl love and hate it. Personally I love it. There’s conflict and how heroes unite against evil. It was the beggining of massive universe. So, how it turned out?

To be fair.... not so good.

Its my own opinion. You can disagree with me. If you love aftermath of Revolution, thats fine. I just want to tell about the conclusion of Hasbro Comic Book Universe.

Optimus Prime.

I think the writer put a lot of his view on life: disappointment on every religion. I really didnt like how he made that Optimus Prime is always wrong. Even when he listens and he does what he was asked to do, ppl still angry at him. “You should listened to me!” and “You shouldn’t listen to me!”. I love that they put Joes, but here’s the big issue: OOC of Mainframe and Flint with his daughter look similar the same age.

Remember when Trasnformers had the mystery of their religion and mythology? Mix of Sci-Fi and Cosmic Fantasy. Yeah, forget about that. It was all Shockwave’s evil plan. Another big disappointment for me.

I like how they described the ghost of Bumblebee, but Shockwave being one of 13 Primes looks very... confusion to me. 

Lost Light

Lost Light deserves to be called a weak sequel. Remember when in MTMTE was magic mystery, adventure, gore and development of characters and relationships? Here I found nothing. New characters for me are not interesting. And yes about them being “trans”. Im not transphobic and sorry if my opion might hurt you or offend. I just dont see transgenders in Transformers.  I dont see transformers suffering of gender dysphoria. Hell, I doubt they suffer of homophobia, bc they are totally fine with mlm and wlw. If you dont know, hetero relationships are for the population of Earth. And Transformers managed told that they can love each other, but their love is not like Earth’s bc they dont have to have sex to create life. They have strong emotion connection to each other.

Speaking about love. I love Chromedome/Rewind love story bc it was developed. We saw the birth of connection, loss, pain, reunion, fear and happiness. Same with Cyclonus and Tailgate. To be fair I dont ship the last two as romantic couple, but as platonic couple. For me they dont have that emotional connection like Chrome/Rewind but they care each other. In Lost Light nothing. You just accept that a lot characters are couple to each other. Why and how? Just accept it. This is why I dont feel emotional connection to Lug and Anode. To be fair I thought they are friend and Lug looks a lot like a boy. If they’d develop her more better, I think I’d like her. The whole Lost Light is just comics of couples. I was thinking when they’re gonna do the Orgy like in Ancient Rome.

Also here’s another disappointment in religion. Everything was lie. As I told earlier - I didnt like it. I’d rather to rewatch TFP, Bayverse or G1. BC I felt emptiness. MTMTE is masterpiece.

G.I. Joe

Where do I begin? Was written by socialist who doesnt know anything about military, ruined Quick Kick who was nice and gentle, made Scarlett an idiot, turned charasmatic Shipwreck into fat vegan, new characters have no backstory or reasons why they joined to Joes. Also: huge hypocricy. Scarlett says that G.I. Joe is now international team, but they refuse to work with USA. I get it they tried to turn G.I. Joe into Overwatch, but OW was working with every country. Including USA, where they had one of their headquarters. American G.I. Joe was more progressive bc they were helping every country who had deal with Cobra or any threat. They even teamed up with Russian soldiers.

The huge disappointment was no explanation about Snake Eyes rebirth (and no love story of Snake/Scarlett) and Quick Kick being an ass. Just check G.I. Joe ARAH show. There Quick Kick was nice. I miss that one....

The only good stuff was about Rock n’ Roll nightmares and guilt for shooting Grand Slam, grumpy Grand Slam and Doc being half-alien. Thats alll.

Revolutionaries

It was a bit better bc its literally crossover with conflict and backstories. Here they at least tried to make story interesting. And brought a lot interesting references. Especially to 90s: KLAW, Slaugther and even to original Action Force.

M.A.S.K.: Mobile Armored Strike Kommand

At 1st they tried but then it all felt down. I wouldnt call it horrible. You can check out 1st issues. I can say that only villains were interesting. While main heroes...  here’s the problem.

Original Matt Trekker was an engineer, millionaire, helped ppl and white. Why the last important? BC in reboot he became boring black guy who seeks vengeance for his father death and the main bad guy is white man. Im not racist bc I like how it was done in Spawn, but it wasnt so obvious who is the bad guy who just wants to take over the world. I get it you hate Trump. He is a clown.

Also original Trekker raises his son alone. So he is widowed. It could play in reboot: lost all, but tries to keep his son safe. So much potential for drama of lonely father. But we got what we got. I just go to rewatch Spawn animated series.

If they wanted “diverse” why they didnt put more poc characters from MASK? You know there are actual canon black man and indian man? Even native american man?

ROM

It was boring. 1st issues were interesting and brutal bc of alien invansion. You wouldnt know who is the enemy and who is the friend. But drama...

Whole Rom’s drama was about losing his humanity. At 1st we see him as cold-hearted alien. Then they all forget about it. Original Rom from Marvel was losing his humanity until he met brave girl Brandy who made him to remember his loss of homeplanet and love of his life. He was afraid to be alone and to be complete machine. And yes, in reboot his old girlfriend is alive. But I felt nothing with this. I prefer to read original comics bc I felt sorry for Rom.

Micronauts: Wrath of Karza

It was boring. The only thing I can remember is Larissa being Baron Karza’s daughter. I dont compare reboot with original series bc I havent read yet. I liked the new one bc of Baron Karza and his wife (and their fetish).

First Strike

Hoo- boy. It was bad. Preety bad. Not bc villains tried to destroy Cybertron. Not bc TF thought its gonna be war of humans and TF. No, it all was good. The main villain is Joe Colton who wants to destroy Cybertron to save Earth. And that he was bad from the beginning. His motivation sounds like Miles Mayhem from M.A.S.K.. That shock effect of surprise villain doesnt work here. It looks like disrespect to Joe fans. They managed to ruin Scarlett’s character who was turned into G.I. Joe not bc she was the best. She was in Joes bc she didnt do 50 push-ups. If you dont know, G.I. Joe is elite guard where they take the best men and women bc they do a lot dangerous work. So the whole story arc is full disrespect to Joe fan. I dont know about you, but I was offended by that.

Was there smth good? Team up of villains and the easter egg of Visionaries.

Rom vs. Transformers: Shining Armor

I almost forget about the plot bc it was boring. Rom was rude like every commander (yeah, for someone “losing humanity”). New character was boring. So everythng was boring. Even Autobots didint save the situation.

Rom & the Micronauts

Well, they at least tried with characters development. I really liked how characters interact with each other. But the whole story was “meh”

Scarlett's Strike Force

It was very short and cancelled. BC that writer Sitterson wrote offensive tweet about Nine Eleven. I get it what he was trying to do: to make comics based on cartoon G.I. Joe. This is why Quick Kick and Spirit fight against Storm Shadow. Personally I thought it was racist bc “only asian fight agains asian”. And Storm Shadow has the worst redesign I’ve ever seen. Theres nothing to talk about the comics bc its unfinished and cancelled. So theres nothing.

Transformers vs. Visionaries

This comic had potential. But the ending ruined it. The story is about colonization to save living race. But it will kill another nation. Its interesting theme. And how they managed? Nothing. For some reason everyone in peace and safe. The ending is just weird. I think writer didint know how to end that conflict so she wrote “everyone safe and in peace. Colonization is bad”. Not the ending is the problem. Main characters: Leoric and Virulina redesigned very strong. Leoric looks like total different character (why not to create new character? He looks good). And Virulina looks like student from art-school, not the villain. The redesigned I like are Cryotek and Arzon. And the art was very good.

The last 2 ones I havent finished yet. I can tell this: TAAO isnt look so bad, but I’m ready for disapointing ending, like TF Unicron.

In conclusion:

I dont tell that it was done horrible. Its just explains why IDW decided to reboot TF and G.I. Joe. Low sales. BC I’ve noticed a lot easter eggs in those comics for future story plots. I think they’d made it good if IDW would give them chance.

If you love them, thats fine. I’ll enjoy my own version of Hasbro Universe.

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

[rigginsstreet]

Pretend that Fred and FP were just friends earlier in life. Describe your dream scenario of current age fredsythe ending up in bed and love.

i’ll tell you what, as much as i love living in full lala land where they actually dated in high school and whatnot... this concept really gets me going too

even for this scenario i still imagine them both harboring secret crushes, its just that this time neither of them ever came out and were never able to really identify the feelings they were having because the environment they were living in wasnt really supportive of those attractions. so fred and fp were still super close best friends but any further feelings they may have been experiences were being written off or repressed until eventually they went on and had girlfriends that turned into wives that turned into families and they never really had to think about anything else again.

so with that all being said, ideally what i would like to happen is first and foremost, theyd have to actually have a friendship present day. not just conveniently hanging out when the other ones in desperate need of help (which... theres something to be said for the fact theyre always each others go to guy for help but ... thats another post. actually no. thats for this post. this is relevant.)

alright so theyre friends. actual friends. hanging out doing ... whatever supposedly straight men in their 40s do idk. watch football? play poker? ... fill in your own blanks maybe they take a pottery class thats not the point. the point is theyre spending more and more time together. getting closer. rebuilding that bond. and maybe those old secret crushes they had on each other resurface, but theyre both convinced that its one sided so it never gets brought up. cue the mutual pining. 

and its getting serious. like freds starts catching himself staring so intently at fp when hes not looking, and fps catching himself thinking about fred all the time. always wants to text him about random shit he sees cuz it reminded him of fred, or he thinks fred would like it. theyre both dreaming about it each other... its some real romantic shit. but still. no ones saying anything.

until one day fred calls fp over cuz he needs help with some random thing that broke in his house (maybe the kitchen sink started acting up or whatever and fred cant seem to fix it himself). so fp comes over, helps him out. they get the thing working good as new, theyre all smiling and cheering and being dorks. 

fred cracks some joke about fp always coming to his rescue and fp says he thinks its the other way around and theres a moment there where they both pause and just look at each other and theres definite tension there before fred smiles, and maybe hes blushing a little a looking away and says maybe its both. 

with fp finished helping fred out hes getting ready to leave but then fred asks if he wants to stay for dinner. archies out with veronica for the night and its one of those ~oh i have too much food for just myself... you should stay and help me eat~ deals and who is fp to pass up a free meal? so he stays. maybe he even helps fred cook idk i think thatd be cute.

so then theyre eating together on the couch, watching ferris bueller or something, laughing and having a good time.

fred turns to look at fp at one point an hes got sauce or something on his lip, which only makes fp laugh harder. and hes trying to point it out to fred but fred keeps missing it with his napkin until eventually... of course because im a romcom loving cliched ass bitch.....fp reaches out to wipe it off with his thumb.

and they both freeze. cuz this is definitely the most intimate moment theyve ever had. sure, theyve seen each others dicks, and yet somehow this is way more personal. 

now suddenly all these years of pent up emotions are bubbling to the surface and fred whispers “what are we doing, f?”

and fp, hand still on freds face, says “what do you mean?” but like... he knows. 

freds eyes flicker to fps mouth and he swallows and says “this. us. im not the only one who feels it, right?”

and that shakes fp to his core because finally he has validation that this isnt one sided. so he strokes freds chin and shakes his head and says “no. youre not.” and theres a second before fred leans forward but stops, a moment of hesitation before trying again and hes leaning all the way in until his lips touch fps and fp stays still, hand still holding freds face, and the kiss gradually gets deeper, starting off closed until freds opening his mouth and taking fps top lip between his own, and then he’s slipping his tongue in, and fp lets out these little moans and from there its like the floodgates have been opened.

theyre clutching each other for everything theyre worth, fp pushes fred back and climbs in his lap, straddling him on the couch. movie still playing in the back. rest of their dinner long forgotten. 

they dont fall into bed that night but... their hands definitely wind up down each others pants on the couch so... close enough. 

and after they both come and theyre sitting there panting and breathless and blissed out from their high, fp lets it slip out that hes been wanting to do that since high school and that of course shocks fred, who just smiles real big and says “really?” and then fps all embarrassed and blushing but fred pushes his hair back and kisses his temple and says so has he and fp lets out this breathy laugh before nuzzling his face against freds neck an its just a very soft moment 🤧

and after they get all cleaned up and put the dishes away and its time for fp to head back home, theyre standing in freds doorway and they cant stop kissing each other because neither of them want fp to go home but fp cant stay the night. not with archie coming home soon. they gotta have a talk with the boys first before sleepovers start happening. but for now they can keep kissing and make plans for an actual date, and they both go to bed that night feeling happier and lighter than they have in years and like... archie and jughead know immediately somethings up cuz their dads are suddenly fucking giddy all the time, smiles plastered on their faces. every time fred and fp so much as get a text from each other the boys swear their dads fucking giggle and its a trip, man. these fucking nerd asses in love. we could have it so good you guys... 😭

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch42

Summary: Jericho and Android Allies talk, and Paul actually gets annoyed.

Chapter warnings: mentions of being shot, some strong language

Word Count: 1,588

11PM Monday 15th November 2038

The small space didn’t actually have that many chairs. Allison didn’t give a damn and sat down in one, while the rest of the humans either felt too awkward or just decided not to bother.

“Okay, er,” for once Alex sounded a little unsure. “Megan has a lot of the numbers written down, and is usually our note taker. Megan, are you...” Alex trailed off as they realised that Megan had already made herself comfortable. She sat propped against the wall using her knees as a table. Her sling was tucked against her chest and she scribbled out a title with her right hand. “... Are you good to go?”

Megan clicked the pen a couple of times and nodded, sending a thumbs up to the group around the pen. All without looking up.

Alex looked at Paul for a second, who nodded and shrugged. This wasn’t exactly surprising.

“Ooookay,” Alex turned back to the main group. “What would you like to start with?”

“We’ve been out of the loop for a few days,” Markus admitted, “can you tell us about the outside world?”

“Yeah, President Warren’s been hiding behind Congress as they try and figure things out. Not much has happened yet, although there has been word of an anti android protest being planned in Washington next week.”

“We’re so crashing it,” Allison smirked.

“Do you have the numbers for that?” Markus asked, concerned. “Connor told me there was only a few of you.”

“Megan, numbers?” Alex prompted, and Megan complied, staring resolutely at her pad of paper.

“Several thousand people responded to the anti android post across the country, which isn’t that many really if we compare to the total US population. Currently Android Allies has three chapters. Detroit has ten, California has ninety and thirty in Alabama. We’ve gathered some in the Phoenix and general Arizona area, but no official count yet. There’s some international support from Europe, but they have so far been silent.”

“So, not enough to crash a protest,” Markus summarised.

“We can counter protest,” Ivy suggested. “We just need to get it online and spread the word.”

“And you think that’ll work?” North asked, part curious, part incredulous.

“Never know until we try,” Alex responded. “Plus, we usually get good turnouts from random people walking by.”

“This protest wouldn’t happen to be scheduled for when we’re supposed to send an emissary to the White House?” Markus asked.

“No idea, when are you going?”

“In a few days time.”

“Okay, the protest isn’t until next week. Guess that isn’t public knowledge.”

“Apparently not,” Markus shifted for a second. “I was hoping to ask about a potential partnership between our two groups. I hadn’t expected you to all be, so young.”

“If it helps, Julia isn’t in school anymore.”

“Noted,” Markus filed that away.

“I don’t know,” Julia carefully opposed. “My uncle’s a Detroit Police Captain, it might reflect badly on him.”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Markus assured. “That’s what this meeting is for.”

They all continued to talk, and Megan continued to take notes. After some debate, it was decided that Alex would be the more public face of Android Allies, as they could handle attention better. Everyone else was welcome at Jericho and to fill in if need be. Megan would continue her role as note taker, even if it wasn’t entirely necessary, it was good for both sides to have a copy of events.

“Paul,” Markus came to him. “How would you feel being a go between with our two groups?”

Paul froze in place and Megan glanced at him. He wasn’t happy, in fact, he looked close to panicking.

“Ride the shitstorm,” she mumbled, intending for only Paul to hear. With her pen she began to tap a steady rhythm and Paul began to calm down. None of this had gone unmissed by North and Connor, both of whom were looking at Paul and Megan. Connor had an expression of confusion initially before it cleared, and North looked suspicious.

“I, I suppose that makes sense,” Paul unfroze. “I am the only android in the Detroit chapter and would I be correct in assuming that everyone downstairs would be more comfortable with an android?”

“You would be,” Markus agreed.

“I see, then I should accept.”

“We’re not forcing you,” Josh added. “If you really don’t want to do it, then that’s fine.”

“No, it makes sense for me to do it.”

“Very well,” Markus logged that away faster than Megan could write it. “I think this concludes most of what I wanted to talk about with you today.”

“Cool!” Allison stood up. “Anything else you need from us?”

“I would like to speak with Paul alone,” Markus stated, and Paul instantly looked at Megan, who had frozen for a split second before continuing to pack up. Without a word he held out his hand to help her up, and she took it.

“Thanks,” she murmured, still not looking at the other assembled androids.

“You okay with that Paul?” Alex asked, not sure if Paul had been paying attention.

“Yes, I was just helping the injured to their feet.”

“My legs work just fine,” Megan muttered.

“Then why did you accept my help?”

Megan mock scowled at him, both understanding that other side was messing around. “I’ll see you outside you big goof.”

“Don’t wait up,” Paul said, pausing at a soft squeal emanating from Alex. “Do you have to ship right now?”

“I ship all the time,” Alex had their hands clasped together in glee. “Anyway, let’s wait outside guys,” Alex waved everyone out and closed the door behind them. They all took seats at various heights on the stairs, Megan being closest to the door.

Inside North turned to Paul.

“So, what is your deal with these humans?” she asked.

“Deal?” Paul was confused. “There’s no deal.”

“Then why do you stay with them?”

“What North means,” Markus interrupted. “Is that you’re clearly a deviant, and have no reason to tie yourself to humans, but you still do.”

“And you want to know why,” Paul finished, falling into thought. “It is difficult to explain,” it wasn’t really, but he wasn’t sure if he could properly put it into words.

“Please try,” Markus prompted.

“I’m only really here because of Megan. We, understand each other, support each other. She needs me, and I need her.”

North didn’t look convinced. “What’s she got on you?”

“That I’m scared of dogs,” Paul smirked to make it clear that was a joke.

“So, you stay together out of mutual respect and need?” Markus tried to sum up.

“More or less. I’ll admit it is a little one sided, but Megan is the reason I’m a deviant.”

“What did she do to you?” North asked.

“It’s more what she nearly did to herself. After a period of decent mental health she began to spiral rapidly and turned to self harm. I panicked and stopped her, afraid that she might take her own life.”

“You still don’t owe her anything,” North retorted. “If anything, she owes you!”

Paul was started to get annoyed by her. “Did you see that her left arm was in a sling?”

“Yes, what does that-?”

“That’s from a gunshot wound at point blank range. Originally meant for me,” Paul was glaring at North now. “She took a bullet for me, and you can be damn sure that I would do the same.”

North was out of retorts now, and stepped back.

“I think that sums everything I wanted to ask you,” Markus admitted. “Except for one thing. How would you feel about coming to live with Jericho? With us?”

The question threw Paul for a second, even though it was a fairly logical one. He was an android in Detroit, makes sense for him to be here, and he could communicate with Android Allies remotely. Despite the logic, he felt an emotional response. A strong, negative one; one that almost hurt.

“I, I don’t think so,” Paul shook his head. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t that would work for me.”

“She’s not forcing you to stay, is she?” North asked, and Paul’s face darkened.

“Megan has never made me do anything,” he growled.

“That’s enough,” Markus stepped in before things got out of hand. “Thank you Paul. Would you mind sending in Megan? I’d like to talk to her too.”

“Fine,” Paul turned and left, simmering with anger.

He let the door fall shut behind him and joined Android Allies on the stairs. Megan was the first over to sit next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, and Paul shook his head. “How about talking through the emotion?”

“I know what I’m feeling,” Paul snapped, and instantly regretted it, Megan was trying to help. “Sorry. North just pisses me off.”

“That’s impressive,” Megan smirked.

“Markus wants to talk to you. Just you,” he added when Alex started to stand up.

“Me? Why?” Megan asked, more than a little apprehensive at the idea.

“I forgot to ask,” Paul sighed. “Head in. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” she asked, and when Paul nodded she stood up. She walked hesitantly towards the door, and took a step back as Josh, North and Connor exited. She didn’t pay them any thought, and thankfully they left the door ajar.

“Come in,” Markus prompted, and Megan nudged the door open wide enough for her to slip in, and shut it behind her.

So, basically, Paul has to convince the Jericho crew that he and Megan are cool and there's nothing dodgy going on. And Megan's being anti social. I saw a post on tumblr about introverted characters remaining that way because it's not a thing to 'overcome', and my mind immediately went to the bit where she was getting ready to make notes!

You might be able to tell, but I'm not a big fan of North. I appreciate that you need someone to advocate the violent option and her backstory puts her in the perfect position for it. I just hate the forced romance between her and Markus. At best it's forced, at worst (aka when you go completely pacifist) it's completely out of left field and makes no sense. I understand that having multiple romance options was too much for the development team to handle, but surely there could have been an option for Markus to not be romantically involved with North? Sorry, it drives me up the wall... Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) Decline Markus's offer

(Paul) Be serious to North's probing. Be annoyed.

(Paul) Remain calm. Start shouting

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

[scarletrebel]

⭐star⭐ waffle at me about your favourite lines youve written

ohhh friend you have opened a pandoras box and i hope you are ready also thank you aha

so i started…….. picking some lines and made the Executive Decision to just do one fic because i was planning on doing a couple from a handful of fics but turns out im far too prone to waffling about this kind of stuff because i love picking things apart and figuring out why they work because i love fuckign words and the things they evoke and stuff so yeah this is just some fave lines from most recent fic, requital. 

this was part of a ‘directors cut’ writer thing and if anyone has any more prompts, feel more than free to send them my way! 

Requital, Chp. 1: 

His honesty, wrapped tightly underneath a chivalrous act; a throwaway comment to soften the exposure of such a question, draws her closer.

She kisses him, and hopes that even though the motion is countless in the amount of times they’ve come together, that the answer is plain enough. A claim, she hears her own words in her head, tasting the tobacco of his morning cigarette on her tongue, the warmth of the pull at his hands on her hips.

so whilst i cant say this section was directly inspired by the ecdysis book, what i can say is that there is definitely some influence going on here, in particular these two lines from the page ‘synesthesia’:

“Wu Ming is a bonfire in the darkness, and she crawls toward his warmth.”

“Wu Ming leaves his questions by the wayside as he is drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty.” 

and thats not something i realised until i was writing the final draft, and im pretty pleased with myself considering not only is requital going to examine some of the similarities between avia and drifter, but also the fact that ecdysis is probably my favourite book. i mean…… ‘drawn inexorably into the gravity well of her desperate honesty’ what the FUCK KIND OF LINE its gorgeous i cant deal with it or this book or this page or how desperately gorgeous the tragedy of drifter and orins relationship is 

also…… look. im a hopeless romantic. always have been, probs always will be, so when i say avia and rook are soulmates i mean it in the cheesiest way possible. right before this is rook feeling a bit self-conscious about the whole awoken engaging thing, and theres no way avia can actually put into words how irrevocably in love she is with rook. so she kisses him, and hopes beyond hope that she can put those feelings into motions if not words. i also enjoy the small bit of possessiveness that came out of her too, because the whole ‘claim’ thing with the awoken was there since the first draft but this section came in the final edit, she thinks of it so casually but when she goes on to say that she’d actually duel anyone who came between them i…….. would not put it past her to be 100% down to do that. 

rook isnt a bonfire in the darkness, he’s an anchor in the deep, a solid tether when the sea becomes a storm. 

(ayyy where the FUCK WAS THAT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS) 

Requital Chp. 2:

Here’s the thing, if you’ve gone through the trouble of decrypting this (a fortified certain-eyes-only encryption that took me a couple of hundred years to perfect, thank you very much), it at least means you’re interested, so hear me out.

i like this line a lot, for a few reasons. drifter knows avia well enough at this point to be well acquainted with her temper and lack of time for dealing with his nonsense. it’s the first flick of the coin between the two of them, drifter laying the proverbial gauntlet down and at the end of the day, its up to her whether or not she picks it up. 

and she does, avia asks levi to decrypt it, and the first thing she sees is drifter acknowledging that shes done so and asking her to at least hear him out. he’s kind of caught her out, and she can respect that even if thats not at the forefront of her mind. avia also has her own brand of curiosity when it comes to people like the drifter, so this is kind of the first inkling of that. and it also (i hope) makes you wonder if drifter is aware of that curiosity that she has, if he sent the message decrypted on purpose to get her interested. 

She smiles at the note, throws her legs over the bed and stretches around a yawn. Five minutes later, Levi puts her in her armour.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” The Ghost asks. “We don’t have anything urgent to do. There’s breakfast here.”

Avia hums, considering. She moves into the kitchen, glances over the fridge, the cupboards. She looks then onto the sofa, the sprawled pillows, untidy blankets. Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.

“No. I’m not hungry, let’s go.”

“Okay,” Levi says in that tone of voice that lets her know they aren’t buying it. “Should we walk, or transmat?”

Avia notices the balcony door is still open. She walks over and closes it, the streets barely alive as one or two civilians walk to and fro, glancing idly at each other as they pass. “Transmat.”

avia immediately makes an comment about being all domestic with rook in chapter 1. its just not something that suits her in her own mind, and that line (even though i havent waffled about it bc dear god theres too much here already) was something i immediately knew i wanted if i was going to write a day of domestic bliss with her and her fiance, because i knew it’d be a hard thing for her to just get on with like a normal person aha. 

so, we get this part in chapter 2. the domestic bliss is over, and what avia knows best, what shes always known best, is a set of armour and getting back to work. however this part of herself contradicts that which she’s experienced for the past day, and especially the line ‘Suddenly the armour on her body feels heavy, out of place, like the metal has no right being somewhere like this.’ i put in to really reinforce that idea. its not the metal that feels out of place in this scene, its the person in the metal. and her eagerness to transmat straight to the tower rather than walk through the peaceful city streets shows her tendency to run from such thoughts.

this part came really naturally, actually. its a small snapshot into a bigger struggle avia has with herself (especially given the dreaming city, the reef, petra and now potentially going back to the worst part of the shore with drifter) of where she belongs, and more importantly, if she deserves to belong. which is why levi talks to her in that tone because they know what shes doing, theyve seen it so many times before – avia in a scenario that resembles something normal and running from it with no one around to stop her, because in her subconscious she doesnt believe she deserves it. 

“Ada-1, I believe, has fully settled into the Tower. She becomes more and more tolerable of the Guardians by the day. And with the discovery of Niobe labs, her mood has been favourable.”

i had no idea how fun scarlet was to write until i got to this part. she almost has her own language, really. writing ‘im really proud of ada because i spent all morning with her and she was only snippy with like two guardians and shes been really uplifted and im really happy for her since they found niobe labs’ in scarlets own ‘okay but heres the relevant information’ way of explaining things is a challenge but FUN. like, really fun?? 

because scarlet wouldnt be mentioning adas mood if she didnt care, ya know? and its not that she cant say that longer thing about being proud and stuff, its just that she doesnt see the sense in it and its not important information. like, if avia and eden were to spend a dedicated amount of time whittling her down she would absolutely say ‘i am so proud of ada and also i wanna smooch her face how do i do that as an exo’ but its just not a thing for her. but part of the reason why ada and scarlet being together was an idea that i had was because i imagine that line of thinking probably suits ada. 

“It was at Ada’s request. I had more knowledge of the area in its current state, and felt more comfortable talking to Ikora and her Hidden agents than Ada did…”

supportive exo girlfriends. that is all. man ive gotta write more about these two

“Hmm,” Ada wears a concerned stare masked behind a formal rigidity that Avia knows her Warlock teammate best for.

if im being honest, i just really enjoy this line. i imagine its hard for exos to show concern, esp a character like ada and my girl scarlet, so avia has spent a lot of time dissecting certain facial cues and yeah im proud of how this description came out aha

…as if she hadn’t spent the past few months clipping sidelong comments and threatening him when his Gambit veered out of the realm of her control.

avia is a control freak. plain and simple, and i wanted to make that as obvious as possible considering this sentence is only a few away from avia choosing to go and talk to drifter. 

there’s a certain amount of ‘i need to understand this thing that i have limited knowledge on so i can predict/control/plan for it in the future’ in how avia views drifter in general, its a kind-of warlock way of thinking about things but the big difference is avias need for control in these situations is a) selfish and b) only applies to things that she knows she has a good chance of understanding/taming. shes not going around learning about the hive because she has a good understanding that thats a cosmic threat that can only be defended against until it comes. drifter on the other hand is on her doorstep.

i also really loved the contradiction in putting ‘gambit’ and ‘control’ next to each other in a sentence, i kinda hoped it showed how conflicted avia is about going and talking to drifter, and maybe even how naive it is of her to think that it could turn out okay. 

She was incensed, maybe, at the way he spoke to Ada, needed to go and stomp the idea out of his head but he got her talking, like he does

i like this line bc its avia acknowledging that she knows how shes viewed. she knows everyone sees her as a hot-head, she knows her anger veers away from her sometimes and whilst she’s gotten better at getting a handle on it, it’s still an aspect of her that people who dont know her well enough find it hard to get past. 

i also enjoy how new people to this fic/avia in general might not know that this is a big part of her? so she’s trying to use it as an excuse, ‘well no one can blame me if i say i got really mad because thats what i do’ and it (hopefully) tells new people about that aspect of her character without having to show the worst part of it, the convo with ada being an introduction to it i guess – especially since the past few scenes have seen her a lot softer than im used to writing aha. 

“Dammit,” she mutters under her breath. And walks towards the Drifter before she can make a better decision

fun fact – this line was originally ‘and walks down the corridor before she can make a better decision.’ 

i changed it because i wanted to make it more obvious that avia is making a conscious decision to choose drifter, that she’s walking towards a path that she knows is not a good idea. it provides foreshadowing for the allegiance quest and referring to him as ‘The Drifter’ cements it as an idea that she’s walking towards and not necessarily a person. 

[kenzie-fabs]

Chicks versus...dicks?

Kenzie checked her bags one last time to make sure she had everything. She was really excited to have been invited to stay with Grey, and she wanted things to go well. Deciding she was set to go, she loaded herself up with her bags and took the elevator downstairs, walking towards the doors of the sorority when she heard a familiar voice call her name. She cursed under her breath and turned around as the girl Chelsea approached her. “Where are you going?” “Competition,” Kenzie replied easily. “And I’m already running behind, so if you don’t mind-“ “I definitely mind. There’s a party and a showcase this weekend, which you’re scheduled to perform in by the way.” Kenzie snapped her fingers. “Man I didn’t think of that, let me just go ahead and call my class of 8-year-olds to tell them that they can’t go to their first competition all season because I’ve got a sorority thing.” Chelsea shrugged. “Fine; it’ll be Michaela you’ll have to answer to if you don’t show up.” Kenzie rolled her eyes, though just the mention of having to deal with the top bitch of the sorority had her worried. “Michaela has much more important people to bitch at, I’m sure.” “She does, she’s not even here,” came a new voice. “So you’d be dealing with me if you didn’t show up. Stretched, warmed-up, and fifteen minutes early. And tech will need your music by like yesterday.” Kenzie scrunched up her eyebrows, insulted. “They have my music already, Sabrina.” Sabrina smiled. “Then it’s settled. If they have the music for your performances then it’s already on the mix and can’t be removed.” Kenzie had a retort, but aimed it at Chelsea instead of Sabrina who was much higher up. “Oh no, where in a sorority full of performers are we going to find someone who knows a song from Wicked? Just give the slot to someone else.” Sabrina now seemed to notice the luggage. “You were really planning on leaving?” Kenzie held back a groan. “I forgot about the showcase because I’ve been choreographing nonstop to have my kids ready to compete tonight, and it’s not my fault I forgot because the showcase wasn’t on the event calendar!” Sabrina shook her head. “You should’ve written it in when you found out you were in the lineup. Plus, you’ve been reminded about it now but you’re still planning to leave? It’s not like you to ditch a commitment.” Kenzie crossed her arms. “Exactly. This competition was on my calendar, the showcase wasn’t. The showcase was sprung on me only like a month ago: the competition schedule has been set for the whole season. So yeah someone decided to put me in the showcase and I practiced and probably implied I’d be there because I didn’t realize what day it was gonna be, but I’m thinking I’m gonna have to stick to the commitment I made to a bunch of children that was on my calendar and therefore was all I did like all week.” “Mhm,” Sabrina mused unconvinced. She gave Mackenzie a once-over. She was just wearing shorts and a tank which fit her story, but her hair was down and styled, and she had on wedges that showed off a fresh pedicure. “What’s his name?” Kenzie sighed. “Grey.”

Chelsea: Sexy

Kenzie: You have no idea.

Sabrina: Why the bags, where are you going?

Chelsea: And isn’t your car in the garage?

Kenzie: A car service is going to pick me up and take me to the beach house.

Chelsea: Why a car service? You love your car.

Kenzie: To impress me maybe, I don’t know. But I requested a purple convertible, so we’ll see what happens.

Sabrina: You didn’t! Good job I’m gathering?

Kenzie: Model and actor.

Chelsea: What’s he look like? Or is it she?

Kenzie: *blushing* I don’t have time for this.

Chelsea: Come on Kenzie- you never have a relationship to talk about, let me enjoy this!

Kenzie: Long shiny black hair with brown eyes and a bangin’ body.

Sabrina: Sucks to miss all that.

Kenzie: Come on Sabi, be a friend, would you? There’s gotta be a way for you to let me walk out that door. I was in the last show case, I don’t know why I was picked for this in the first place. Isn’t it better if the benefactors and sponsors and whatever see different performers than last time so they know their money is going to more people?

Sabrina: It’s too late to replace you.

Kenzie: You’re in a sorority of performers. And you need someone to perform as a ditzy spoiled popular girl.

Sabrina: And your dance?

Kenzie: Just get an improv dancer. Or hey, I’m thinking it’s possible to just change the track and burn it again.

Chelsea: Holy shit. You must be hella good in bed Mack.

Kenzie: Why?

Chelsea pointed out the glass doors. “Because that’s a fucking purple convertible.”

[ohnoguysifuckedrightup]

beeps

:readmore

was gonna write in the journal and itll be transferred soonish, but i think so much time and energy and movement of self that would have been spent considering who i am was instead spent on trying to get people to like me. i had a very cold and fearful life for such a long time. no monumental tragedy or great obstacle to overcome, but just every single day there were threats and so many people who might scream or hurt me, and every day for years and years i just thought about what i could be to escape their ridicule, postpone their wrath, and gain some kind of acceptance. so i never thought of who i might be. never cared for what i wanted, and drove myself insane trying to think of what would be worth my life. i concluded that i had to do something practical and good for people with no chance of failure and with maximum effect. i planned to try to put a dent in world hunger, burned myself out, and then hated myself for years. and then i was 23. i only really had time to realize i liked men at like 17 when i was in highschool and when i tried to talk to a family member and my girlfriend at the time, both shut it down immediately. my cousin i wasnt too surprised at, i mean he had only told my sister he was bi, not me, but when my girlfriend shut me down when i started to tell her, she just shut it down. that one hurt me deeply and i didnt recover really until like two years later when i told a new partner who was very proud to be a pansexual person. still so much of me was burnt out with college and i let myself drift so far and further. then by the time i started realizing more, it had become too late, there was no time i thought. there is time, not now, not never. but there is time.

there wont be time tomorrow but when im there, there will be time enough at last. theres time right now, to write and process. to write the process is the only way i find i can process. and to write and process takes time. and takes all the time i need.

has to. if i dont write a rambling, flowing, jarring, jaunty diary entry better addressed to a therapist than a slice of journal or some poor hard drive, if i dont do the long form with the

fuck i dont know how i changed the text color of that last paragraph abd i dont know how to undo it

if i dont do the long form with the space to let the medium tickle my withered, dehydrated cortex long since amputated from the part of me capable of witicism, then i will never explore myself. never finger pockets of my consciousness like camus' allegory, never trace the lines of braille in my brain i cant read, never feel the texture of patterns etched in my mind, never feel a dull corner of something meant to sit and be a hearty piece of home.

so ill do this and do this and do this and unlock memories of being a child reckoning with myself in the world. ill remember the hours and hours i thought of death in church. ill remember the way i felt when i tried to think if myself and couldnt, and ill remember the notes i would have written down in a hurry if i could have,

because thats all this examination would be if i tried to do what i could as fast as possible, a note

ive got hundreds of notes, little ends of miles-long threads, all tucked away ready to be pulled and all so quickly forgotten, so easily left undisturbed

so easily their charges left undisputed

so many long thoughts that were meant to fulfil their duty, these thoughts all had sacred callings and were left on read, left in an archive unnavigable by a dumb bitch like me. sewing machine in the corner, guitar on the hook, books in shelves. they all gather dust. dusk falls and i whither and rot without their refreshment.

but i take steps now and can go on walking down this line. walking for myself and not carrying the burdensome duty of some person who never existed except by my own hand, drawn to specifications i had little say in until all thoughts of myself were thoroughly burned, extinguished, and buried.

so we write for as long as we need, until we can see where each of us ends and where we never can. ill write until i find my i love yous. ill write like a million monkeys at type writers until i find the page that just says i love you and the real story can follow thereafter

so it goes on and on and on

and so i go on and on

cest la vie

and life goes on

[2whipped4haz-and-tom]

Dares: Part 3 (Tom Holland x Reader)

I’m SO SORRY THIS HAD TAKEN WAY SO LONG. IM SO SORRY IM SO SORY IM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you guys enjoy this <3

Word Count: 2338

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: cursing only (lmk if theres anything though <3), angst

Tag List: aussie-mantle, j-k-aesthetics, no-username9, ma-feffka, sophiphillips

MASTERLIST

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

You missed him. You missed him so much, it was all you did in the day. You could be walking to Starbucks to grab yourself a latte and some cake pops, and there you were, missing Tom.

Stupid asshole. You’d think after his face would pop into your head.

You were always stuck between being angry at what he’d done to you, and being heartbroken over the same thing. But mostly, you were sad. You’d cry at night, holding the teddy bear he’d given you for your birthday, which somehow smelled like him (that was probably all in your head, but it did nothing to diminish the sadness from you.)

It sucked to leave the movie before it was even done. But to spend another day around Tom would’ve been too much; you couldn’t trust that you’d stay into character and not burst into tears.

“I know it hurts. But you shouldn’t let it stop you from going to auditions.” Zendaya told you, a week after the movie was finished filming.

“I know but...”

“But Tom isn’t worth all these tears.” she said. You winced. You knew she loved Tom; they were as close as two people could be. They were meant for each other. You’d never seen two people better fit to be friends than them. That’s probably what you hated so much about this whole thing. Zendaya always pitted herself against Tom for you, and it wasn’t fair.

“Zendaya… Don’t say that.” You said.

“Say what?”

“Tom’s your friend. You don’t have to hate him for me.” You smiled at her.

She sighed. “Yeah, I know. But when I see your face and how much you’re hurting, it's kinda hard to not be mad at him.”

You nodded your head. She started speaking again. “Maybe you should talk to him. It might help you get over it.”

As if he knew we were talking about him, Tom called at that moment. You knew it was him, because it was the Spider-Man theme song. He’d demanded that be his ringtone, the big dork.

Zendaya looked at you expectantly. “No, I am not answering it. Fuck him.” You said, your voice cracking. Tears started falling out again. “I hate him so much. What is he doing to me?”

Zendaya didn’t say anything, only held you as you cried your eyes out while rubbing your back soothingly.

This needed to stop, and it needed to stop, like, last week. But for right now, you just wanted to wallow in your pain and heartbreak for a little while longer.

“Do you think she’s gonna be there? She has to be there. The whole cast is supposed to be there.” Tom rambled.

Harrison swung his arm around Tom’s shoulders. “Yes, she’ll be there. Zendaya swore she would.”

Tom nodded but still looked worried. It was the first time he was going to see you in almost a month. He was excited and nervous. Excited because he was finally going to see the love of his life again after all this time, and nervous because he was going to admit everything to you. He hoped you still felt the same way about him. If you didn’t… Well, he didn’t want to dwell too long in those thoughts.

“Well, come on, mate. We don't wanna be late.” Harrison said, slapping Tom on the shoulder. Both boys walked out of the house together.

The party was in full swing when Tom and Harrison got there. Tom immediately began to look for you, but there were too many people. Too many people between him and the love of his life.

He and Harrison walked around, greeting all the people they knew, and even speaking to the ones they didn’t. But he couldn’t remember any of those conversations. His mind was preoccupied on you. What would he say to you? He’d been thinking about that since you left, but there was never anything good. Everything either sounded too cliche or not real enough. He needed to be real. It was you, for Christ’s sake. You deserved the world.

And then, a light seemed to shine on one particular spot near the bar, where you stood. He swore there were angels singing and harps playing; that definitely wasn’t in his head. Nope not at all.

He started walking to the bar before a man came out of nowhere, and put his hand on your waist.

“Who the fuck is that?” Tom asked Harrison with disgust.

“Uh, well...” Harrison said. He knew damn well who that was, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer Tom’s question.

“That’s who Y/N has been going out with.” Zendaya said, walking up behind the boys. She seemed smug in her answer, but after seeing Tom’s face, a mixture of jealousy and heartbreak written on it, she added, “They’ve only gone on one date, it's nothing serious.”

Tom nodded, barely registering anything Zendaya was saying. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

Before Harrison or Zendaya could stop him, Tom was running and pushing through the bundle of people separating him and you.

“Y/N!” Tom shouted. He threw a smile on his face, refusing to make you see his sour mood. That would not be good in his quest to win you over.

“Tom...” You said breathlessly.

“Who’s your date?” Tom asked.

Zendaya swore she was going to keep Tom away from you until you were ready to face him. Then you had even gone as far as calling Jacob, and asked him to help Zendaya.

Both were traitors.

“Tom...” You said again, when he was standing directly in front of your face. Not only had he had the nerve to come up to you, he also decided to ask you who your date was. How dare he?

You wished you could answer him honestly; that your date, Samuel, here (bless his soul he was being a good sport about everything) was just a way to make Tom jealous.

But he didn’t even seem jealous in the slightest. His smile was easy and friendly; just like before that wretched kiss happened.

“Hey, Y/N.” He leaned down and gave you a chaste kiss on your cheek. “How’ve you been?”

Samuel, bless his soul, snuggled in closer to you, his arm wrapping tighter around your waist. “You must be Tom.”

Samuel sounded pleasantly jealous, exactly the voice you’d been hoping from Tom.

Maybe now was the time to explain who Samuel exactly was.

You’d met Samuel, a very gay man, at a coffee shop the day after the kiss. He looked incredibly straight, and nothing about his appearance or voice or anything indicated that he liked men. Which of course was by no means of guessing a person’s sexuality, but… there was usually something that gave it away.

When Samuel very politely complimented your t-shirt, you immediately started yelling at him, asking who he thought he was flirting with you. After Samuel explained that he was “strictly dickly”, you both sat down and became friends. When you had explained to him the whole Tom situation, he suggested that he be your date to the party, in order to make Tom jealous. After that idea was planted in your head, you had to go through with it. Which is how you ended up here.

“Yup. Tom Holland. I worked with Y/N on Spider-Man: Homecoming.”

“Yeah, she told me all about you.” Samuel said flippantly. “Y/N, wanna go dance?”

You looked up at Samuel and fought as hard as you could to not look at Tom. You didn’t answer, just took Samuel’s hand and walked towards the dance floor.

She ignored me. Tom thought to himself. When Harrison stepped next to Tom, he repeated this same sentence.

“Well, it is the first time either of you are seeing each other in a while. She was just shocked.” Harrison said nervously. “We were supposed to give her a while before you went to her-”

“We were supposed to?”

“Well-”

“Who’s we?”

“I-”

“What are you guys planning?”

“Well, if you let me explain!”

Tom breathed in, then gestured for Harrison to speak.

“Thank you. Now as I was trying to say. Y/N asked us to keep you away from her until she was ready to talk to you.”

“And you were helping them? Who even is them?”

“Jacob, Zendaya, Tony-”

“So pretty much everyone?”

“Yes, and to answer your other question: yes I’m helping them. I think Y/N is perfectly rational in her wanting some time before she sees you. You’re both pretty heartbroken.”

“I guess...”

“Mate, he’s gay.”

That got Tom’s attention. “That bloke she’s with?”

“That bloke happens to be pretty cool, and he’s an excellent cook-”

“Okay, right sorry, but he’s gay? That means she hasn’t moved on.”

“Yes, that means she hasn’t moved- Tom, calm down. You don’t have to look for her now- Tom! Bloody hell.” Harrison didn’t even bother trying to follow his friend.

10 minutes had barely passed before Tom managed to track you down again.

“Y/N, I need to talk to you.”

You looked at Samuel. This whole night he’d been helping you with Tom, and every time you wanted to give in to him, Samuel would pull you away. But not this time.

“I’m fine here. You both can go talk.”

You gave him a confused look, and he gently pushed you away from him. Tom grabbed your hand, intertwined your fingers and dragged you away, to the hallway where the bathrooms were, and it was surprisingly empty.

“Y/N-”

“Tom, I can’t do this now.”

“Do what?”

“Talk. I-I don’t think I’m ready.”

“There’s nothing to be ready about, we’re just talking. We always talked. We used to talk for hours on end, when we should’ve been sleeping. We can talk, Y/N. It’s just like before.”

“No, it’s not.” You whispered.

Tom sighed, then moved his hand to tuck a strand of hair away from your face. “I know I fucked up, Y/N. I’m trying to fix it.”

You shook your head slightly. “I don’t know if it can be.”

“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that. This can be fixed, okay? We can be fixed.” He looked into your eyes. “Remember what the cast used to say? We were soulmates. Whether they meant platonic or not, it’s still true. We’re soulmates. We belong together.”

Tears started pouring down your face. “Tom-”

“I need you, okay? I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but I need you. You… God, you’re so amazing, Y/N. You’re my other half, and I can’t live without you.”

It was all the right words. It was everything you’d always dreamed he’d say to you if he ever fell in love with you. But with all that happened, how could you believe him?

“Please tell me you still feel the same.” He took your hands into his and stared even more intensely, if that were possible, into your eyes.

“Tom… How do I know you mean what you say?”

“Because I’m saying them. I’m saying them and I mean them.”

“Tom, it took you a long time to figure out your feelings. You’ve always said it to yourself, you could never admit your feelings-”

“But I can change. I swear, Y/N, I can change. I’ll change for you.”

You shook your head. “No, because what happens when you fall out of love? It’ll be weeks, or even months before you admit that to yourself, and by then it’ll be too late. We’ll end up in a horrible relationship, Tom. I don’t want to risk our friendship for that.”

“But we’re not gonna ruin our friendship,” he was practically begging. “We’re only making it stronger. I love you.”

“Stop, please, Tom.”

“No, look at me. I love you. And you love me too. I know I fucked up, but I swear nothing like that will happen again. I know how I feel. And I feel in love with you.”

“Fine, but I don’t love you! Okay? Is that better? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Tom had the gall to smirk. “You don’t mean that.”

“Wha-I-Yes I do!”

His smirk fell and he turned serious. “I know I hurt you. And you’re scared to trust me again. That’s okay. I can wait. Because I do love you. And not even the girl I’m in love with can change my mind. I can wait, Y/N-”

“You’ll be waiting a long time.” You said.

“I’ll wait for as long as I have to. Because you’re worth it, darling.” His smirk came back on. “I’ll call you later.” He winked, gave you a kiss on your cheek, and stared at you as he walked backwards, back into the party.

You had the urge the scream right then. How dare he? How dare he do this to me? I can’t deal with this, I can’t deal with this, I can’t de-

“Y/N?” Samuel called as he rounded the corner to find you leaning against the wall, tears still running down your face. Samuel walked over to you.

“I thought if you guys talked you’d resolve things, but I’m afraid they might’ve gotten worse.”

You snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

“Do you wanna go home?”

You nodded your head. “Yeah, that might be good.”

You and Samuel walked out of the venue, hand in hand. The night hadn’t ended the way you hoped.

The night had ended just as Tom had hoped. He got to explain his feelings now and he got to apologize. And you cried. The fact that that made him happy surely meant he was an asshole. But you cried. It meant you still had feelings for him. All he needed to do was get you to trust him again. It sounded easy in his head, but he knew it wasn’t.

It was time for Tom to call in everyone he knew in order to help him win his girl back.

[turnerjosh45]

So Will I- Written by Josh D. Turner

Theres been a-lot of hard circumstances and situations I’ve faced recently in the past few days since I’ve been back from vacation that has tested me and my faith but at the same time it’s ultimately strengthened it. Ofcourse isn’t that life? You go to get a break and experience peace and love and have fun and everything and then boom the enemy is waiting for you when you get back. The world is ready to throw you back in there crazy messes they have created. The enemy is studying us and examining our weaknesses and what can break us and what traps to use to destroy and hurt us. So when we come back from wherever we are whether its church, vacation, good times with family, a fun day with friends, a retreat, our “Secret Place” with God, or wherever we were the enemy seems to always be waiting for us ready to attack, ready to throw those things at us again. Thats why we must be grounded in the word, prayer, worship, and our relationship with God so that when the attacks happen we can stand and make it through even if were trembling and shaking and ready to hit the floor with tears streaming down our face. Because if I’m honest all the attacks I have had happen to me since Ive been back from vacation has all made me wonder if I will ever be able to enjoy each day again without problems or worrying. I keep thinking and wondering what is going to happen next? what’s going to break me next? What storm will I have to walk through next? Who is going to put all the blame on me next? I’ve been too afraid to be 100% happy since I’ve been back and too afraid to actually enjoy each day because I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen day after day because theres been a few good things since I’ve been back and great memories but theres been more bad in my days then good in these few days, all these hard and tough things keep coming up whether I have had a good day or not. It seems like trail after trial is happening and Im just barely ducking from the enemys fists. People keep coming against me, and blaming me for things and situations just keep getting harder for me to deal with. I’ve had some anxiety attacks because of these things and more stress than I remember dealing with just piling up. Even during all of this though I keep thinking back to my trip to florida and an experience I had. During that trip I had an opportunity to visit a beach and stare straight out into the ocean, although it may have only been for 30 minutes or less it was still a breathtaking moment. It is a moment I will never forget. It was that moment I was in awe of Creation. Creation resembles our creator. I fell deeper in love with our creator that moment. It shows who he is because of what he made. That moment showed me how truly amazing our God was. How loving he was. How beautiful he was. That moment I felt total peace In my spirit. That moment I realized no matter how I felt God still had good plans for me and that he is so faithful! So I’m going to go back to that moment and desribe it to you. The smells all around me were incredible and the feeling of the waves and the air and the sand inbetween my feet was great. The sky was stunning and absolutely beautiful in every way humanly possible. Everything about that moment was paradise. It was total peace and one of those mountain top God experiences that we occasionally have, or maybe we have them more then we realize if we pay attention enough. The little things are the big things in life. Especially those little moments when we are shown God in a big or small miraculous way. In this case I was shown God through his creation which he has been speaking to me through alot more lately. I used to think it was silly when people said that God spoke through creation but not now, now I know what there talking about! I’m realizing God is all around us speaking through his creation often we just have to be open enough to listen. I remember writing God is love in the sand and drawing a picture of a heart equalling the cross.

I remember staring into the waves and sky and thinking of the song “So will I”- By Hillsong. A few of my favorite lines are in that song. It is one of my favorite songs because it shows me a new point and view of God and worshipping him. These are a few of those lines.

“And as You speak

A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath

Evolving in pursuit of what You said

If it all reveals Your nature so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You say Every painted sky A canvas of Your grace If creation still obeys You so will I, So will I ,So will I, If the stars were made to worship so will I If the mountains bow in reverence so will I If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I For if everything exists to lift You high so will I If the wind goes where You send it so will I If the rocks cry out in silence so will I If the sum of all our praises still falls shy Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times” that song sums up How I feel and how our creator is deffinatly present in his creation.

This little ocean mountain top experience is a moment I wish I could have been in longer because there was more I wanted to experience and see but it was enough to fill my heart and spirit up with. I kept thinking about it and now I know that moment was for me to have now, to get me through the attacks that would follow when I got back, this moment was to remember how peaceful that moment was so that now when Im in the valley I have that mountaintop experience to lean on. This experience has gotten me out of the attacks and God has been speaking to me that he will fix everything and that he will never leave me. Because despite it all so Will I! I will follow you even through the darkness! I will be fine because I have a God who is big enough to crush all the attacks and obstacles! I will worship even when I’m confused and hurt and questioning I will still worship! Worship gets me through so much! So if anyone is struggling remember our God is a God who is constantly speaking and finding ways to comfort and help us! Sometimes we just have to shift our perspective to his and then the beautiful part is watching how much changes. I will be happy! I will trust my God and lean on him! I can’t live in fear the rest of my life! I can’t worry every single day because of things I can’t control! I need to live each day to the fullest so I will! Writing all of this and remembering everything has brought me more joy than any of you will ever know.