#these are questions for a therapist not the internet but here i am

[guardian-angle22]

lkdf;v; the new promo makes me get such an uncomfy feeling in my chest, I genuinely don't know if I can watch the next episode live

[ink-asunder]

Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

[spidybaby]

Hi♥️

Can we get a Gold Digger Part III?

Gold Digger | Part III

Summary: Feeling fearful and insecure about the future after a downfall is what kept you away.

Warnings: cursing.

A/N: I've been trying to finish this for a long time. Not able to find the inspiration. Buuuuut, after the Euros match, I totally find the guts to open my drafts and finish what I've been procrastinating. Hope you still find this interesting and read it. Love you all 💛 sorry about the time.

Part one | Part two

London - Seventeen months later

"I think you're ready to go back. The question here is if you feel ready"

"I am. I think I've been ready for a while now."

"And what's stopping you?"

"What if we don't work out?"

"Time is unpredictable."

"What if he realized that I'm not what he wants anymore?"

"You know that is not the case. You told me that."

"I'm scared."

"It's okay, it's going to be fine."

Paris - Eighteen months later

14:35 p.m.

"So, can we say you find the one?" Julien, your friend asks you. "Because I think you have."

"Yes, I found the one."

He clapped happily, popping the champagne he had for this special moment.

You were looking for an apartment. Returning to Paris after more months of being out, he helped you look for the perfect place to return to your parisian life.

"I want to make a toast, for the girl I love the most, and the one I know is ready to shine in all the meaning of the word."

"Je t'aime." You smile, giving him a hug. He was a big part of your return to France.

After graduating, you got an opportunity to go to London with the company that you always wanted to work for.

They were expanding their business and chose París to begin. Since you knew the language and had your whole education there, they naturally asked you to take over the company.

"Let's get this paperwork done with and you and I are going on a furniture hunt." You say, grabbing your pen, walking to the entrance while drinking your champagne.

Paris - Kylian therapist office

"Did you bring the letter I asked you to write?"

"Oui, I wrote my heart out."

"Okay, know follow my instructions. Go home, have a shower, have a nice dinner and some wine if you want to extra relax. You told me you have a fireplace so, turn it on and burn the letter."

"Don't you want to read it?"

"No, I'm not, but you can do a last reading before the burning. This will end a cicle, this means you understand that it happened."

"It happened." He nods.

Parc des princes

- 5:30 p.m. -

"Kyky" neymar shouts from the inside of the stadium. "Want to come with us tonight? Bruna and I are doing a special dinner with friends."

"I can go a little after dinner, I have to do something first."

"Do you have a date? Hmm?" Ney poke his stomach, making Kylian laugh and smack his hand away.

"No, just something I have to do tonight. But for that pasta Bruna makes I'm definitely having a cheat day." He laughs, giving Ney a hug while they exit to the field.

The training goes fine. He let his frustration on the field, turning it into magic while he moves the ball with his feet.

"I miss Sergio. I feel like a part of me is gone, " hakimi says, faking crying and making everyone laugh.

"You miss Sergio more than your ex." Neymar shouts from the other side of the field.

"That's it, Junior."

Kylian laughs at the two guys running around, having fun.

Fun is something he ultimately didn't have. The transfer market is happening. After the higher-ups decided to announce to the world that he didn't want to stay till the end of his contract. The whole internet was a mess.

His parents had long talks with him about his career. Telling him what to do. He's young, too young to be this worried about life.

But he knows that without the help of his parents, he wouldn't be where he is right now.

"Ethan, don't sleep. That ball was an easy catch."

"Who's the boss here? Luis or you?"

"Just do what I say." He says, hitting his head in a joking manner. "Do you want to come with me to Ney tonight?"

"Nah, mom wants to go get this couch she's been obsessed with for the last month. The store lady told her that they only had one in existence and she wants it."

"Okay." He says, continuing with the training.

- On the other side of France -

"I want another couch, like one for the bedroom. I saw a beautiful one on pinterest."

"Do you have an idea if there's a store that sells this here?" He asks, looking at the pictures.

"Yes, I actually called like an hour ago, and they told me they will have one in existence. But they're unpacking it, so it's going to be in exhibition in like an hour. Let's go."

Julien shrugs, grabbing his coat and walking behind you to the elevator. "The PSG has a game this Sunday."

"Nice." You say, ignoring his intentions. "I need a charger."

"Don't give me that attitude." He hits you with the newspaper on his hand. "You know why I say this."

"I know, but like I said. Everything has a time, and I need to find my time to do what I need to do."

"Okay, no biggie."

You call an Uber to take you both to the mall. The store is located in this mall that's a little far from your house.

When you arrived you both check stores and pick some things to decorate. Julien knows the vibe you want for this apartment.

"Hey, I'm going to check the couch to see if it's worth the price." You pat his shoulder. He was trying to find the perfect "dinner plates."

You check some emails while you walk there, not paying attention to anything else. Once you arrive, the lady who spoke with you told you the couch was just about to be ready.

Letting you walk to the store, you check other furniture that might be a good competition for this one.

You wanted something that you could relax without replacing the bed, but you also don't want to do work on the bed.

An "L" shaped couch picked your attention. It was in a dark brown color. The couch was beautiful, pretty similar to something that has your mind burning.

"Mademoiselle, we have the couch ready if you want to see it."

"Merci, I want to ask, do this couch come in a cream color?"

While the lady shows the colors of the couch you were eying while you two walk over to the pinterest couch.

You turn your back to the other one. Even when you don't want to accept it. It reminds you of the one you had on the room you shared with him.

"I think I want the other one more."

"We have it in three colors. Shall we go to see the other options? We have them on our second floor."

"Oui." You nod smiling.

While you walk upstairs, there are two people walking in the store, two faces you know more than enough.

"Ethan, can you please put the phone down? I want your help."

"Fine, but after this you're taking me to eat."

Fayza laughs. "It would have been cheaper to come alone, I see."

"Having a daughter was also an option." He laughs, his mother hitting him on the back of the head.

They were scolted to the couch, and Fayza immediately loved it. Picturing it in the perfect space in her house.

While they get checked out, you were trying to decide between a light brown or a cream dirty white color.

"Okay, this one would be."

"Amazing, if you follow me back to the first floor to get everything settle, your address, the payment."

You texted Julien, finding he was waiting for you at this restaurant. Asking him to send you a picture of the menu so you can pick while paying.

You lift your head back to the room, finding a face looking at you curious. The way Ethan eyes light up when he confirms it's you.

- Kylian's House -

The music in the room is calm, a nice jazz to relax his muscles. The outfit is ready to go out. But he has to burn his past to prepare to start a new present.

But he can't let go of the envelope. He's holding it tight, holding it like his life dependent on it. Maybe because what's written on it made his life take a turn.

He sighs, leaving the letter on the couch. He was feeling ready when he spoke with his therapist, but now that he actually has to do it, it is like a burning sensation.

Does this mean he has to burn the feelings he has for you?

After all, it's been more than a year, and you haven't come back to him. He was working hard.

But his year wasn't the best, the club fighting with him, the press fighting with him and even Paris people mad at him.

All he wanted to do was go back to when you would be there for him after the long training hours, after the comments, after the thick and the thin.

But he can't, and he regrets it all the time.

- Neymar's house -

"Vamos Kyky, good thing you came, Bruna was asking about you"

"I bring her something."

"She's going to love it. Let's go inside."

The majority of the team was there. They were celebrating the news of Neymar and Bruna.

He was happy, even though Neymar and him had some shady times, he was friendly after all, for the sake of the team.

"Hakimi, stop with the potatoes, Luis is going to kill you, man."

"Shut it Mbappe, you were eating chocolate last week, and nobody told you shit."

They all laugh. He loves these times because that distracts him. That makes him feel less alone at home. Where no one was waiting, where no one was thinking about him.

The time with his teammates was good. He drank some cocktails. He was going to regret it tomorrow, but he needed them.

"How are the kids?" He asks Achraf, they were walking to their cars.

"They're with their mom. They are so big, I had to buy them everything again because they grew out of the clothes."

"In Spain?"

"Yes, I can't wait to see them, Hiba is bringing them here and they're staying a few days."

He's happy for his friend, after everything for him his kids were the most important thing.

"Dude, I really miss Verrati."

"I can't believe he's gone, he would have chug that bottle down and be fine tomorrow."

"I want to ask you something, Kicks." Achraf sighs. "How are you? I know you have been down, you know I'm here."

Was he okay? Was he bad? Was he sad? Or angry?

He's feeling everything and nothing at the same time. It's like this for time to time. Sometimes he's fine, happy. But then everything in him feels down, feels blue.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just I guess the season."

"You know I'm here. Right?" Achraf repeats.

"I do, and I'm thankful for that."

- The furniture store - Hours prior

"When did you come back?" Ethan throws himself at you, who with open arms receives the hug. "This is such a surprise."

"Hello, roots."

"Mom, look who's here." He says, letting you go.

Fayza turns at the call of her name, her eyes illuminating at the sight of you. She can't deny how much she misses you.

"Ma belle." Same as Ethan, she hugs you tightly.

"Hello to you two, I've missed you so much."

"When did you come back?" Ethan repeats.

"I been here for a few days now." You confess. "I'm going to be working here."

"So you're back for good?"

"Yes, roots. I am." You hug him back again. "I'm so happy to find you, I missed you a lot."

"We missed you too. You look so good. I was so happy when you told me about your job opportunity."

Fayza and you were close. She went to your graduation, gave you a gift for your birthday, and texted you on Christmas day, on the new year. She was like a mother to you.

"I wanted to be stable here with everything before telling you."

"Oh I'm so happy you're here." Ethan jumps a little. "Even Melissa is going to be so happy."

You wanted them back, wanted your little family bond back, but first got to get the boy back.

"I hope to see you guys again, maybe for a coffee or a chocolate."

"Wait, let's go to dinner." Ethan suggests.

Thankfully, Fayza notices the way you don't want to disappoint Ethan. "Maybe later, we have to go home because you haven't done your homework."

"Oh no, roots go home and finish that homework." You joke, pinching him on the ribs. "We can meet some other time for chocolate or a coffee."

Your conversation was interrupted by the worker who handed Fayza her card. The other worker is waiting for you to complete the sale.

"You guys have the same number? If you do I'll text you and we can meet up, okay?"

They both agree with the plan, saying their goodbye, and with another round of hugs, they left the store.

It's undeniable that the Paris Saint German sucks. They have some good moments, and they have some bad. But the bad ones have lately been much more than the good ones.

The last matches were bad, barely even working as a team. It was like if eleven players were there doing their own thing. No union, nothing.

Some people will say "oh but then won the last two," but with the lack of technique they have, it was a big surprise.

The Clermont team was doing so much better. Leaving zero chances for the team. And it was obvious that they were lacking something because it was almost the end and no goals.

Twitter was crazy about the fact that "The Kylian Mbappe" didn't scored against Clermont.

But it's not on him. It's on the team. It's on everyone. Even the new coach. Galtier did so much shit that you can't change in a few days.

You turn the tv off, angry at the result. Stupid game, you thought. Even if it was a repetition, you were mad as if it was live.

Your phone vibrates, picking your attention. You opened the notification, and it was Ethan who sent you a reel about cookies in a new pâtisserie in Paris.

You needed to use your new oven to see if it was working properly. Also, you bought this chocolate that was really good with some butter cookies.

So you invite him to come over, wanting to release some stress and feel some normality again.

The match against Newcastle was bad. The team lost 4 to 1, and the team was struggling.

You notice how Kylian was down. He's not in good shape. Not physically but mentally. Something that makes you worry.

His knee was bothering him again. He had to leave the field because of the pain. Thing that worried you even more.

You wanted to pick up the phone and message him, telling him that whatever is crossing his mind is just there, in his mind.

"Y/n?" Julian says, waving his hand in front of your face. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry. I got lost in my thoughts."

"Notice that." He laughs, he guessed what you were thinking but didn't say it.

"I wonder if he's okay. He looks tired."

"Text him." He shrugs. "I mean, you came back for a reason, do it."

You tap your nail to your phone. You wanted, but what if he has someone else with him already telling him all the things you should be telling him?

"Not yet." You say, getting up and walking to your fridge. "Ice cream?"

- Dressing room - Parc des princes -

"Guys, honestly, we have to keep going. Don't let this bring you down." Luis, tell the team.

The dressing room has this quiet aura. Everybody is thinking of those four goals that nobody stopped, Donaruma feeling bad, the defense guys feeling the same.

And Kylian, even worse. He's thinking of the shots he missed. The moment where he had opportunities and missed them.

His knee hurts. He's tired. He's not focused on the field. He's just not in his prime. That's obvious to everybody.

Especially to the press, printing his mistakes as the first pages, making his missing shots as their conversation on sports programs. Making the Twitter people feel confident about the shit storm they're giving him.

"Kylian, can I have a word with you?"

Luis Enrique and he walked to the corridor. The other team was happy, leaving. Saying their goodbye to the two of them.

"How is your knee?" He asks, he notice the faces he is doing while walking. "You sure you want to play next match? You still have the euros."

"I'm good, I promise sir."

"Promise me something. If you feel like you're overworking your knee, you're telling me. I prefer to sit you for one or two matches instead of you missing the season and euros."

"I promise."

After the talk, Luis advised him to take some recovery therapy. More therapy, he thought.

The drive home was felt long. His chauffeur was quiet, noticing his demeanor. He needs a hot shower and a good night sleep.

He slams the door of his room. Almost ripping this t-shirt, throwing it with all his force to the wall. He wants to scream but won't.

The shower was more than hot. It was burning. But it was all he needed. To feel something again.

He hated to do skin care, thinking all he wanted at night was to sleep, but you taught him to take care of his skin. Creating a night and morning routine.

Even when you're not there, he still did it.

While he stares at his reflection, on the big mirror above his bed, he doesn't know what weights more.

His regret or the ring that sits and collects dust in his nightstand.

That same ring he bought two days before that night.

The same one he was putting on your finger. Now, sure, he will have to throw it away.

Sure, he won't be having nobody next to him to reassure him everything was going to be alright.

Sure, he won't be thinking of raising children with anybody else.

Sure, he won't be thinking about buying a retirement house with a big backyard where to watch his grandkids playing.

Sure, there won't be anybody after you.

Unsure about you being his future.

"I need the last reports of the head office so I can start to organize everything and have it ready for the opening."

You were working on a meeting, having to multi-task and focus your attention between the meeting and what your co-workers were saying with the football game that's happening.

The Rennes game was better. They were winning. This was the last game before the Euros.

You wanted to see Kylian with the team of Les Bleus. They somehow cheer him up. They were like an energy drink for him.

Olivier, Antoine, even the coach. They were all like a family, and they were there for each other, no matter what.

Fayza invited you to the match, she knew you wanted to talk to him but didn't knew how. Ethan and her decided to keep your return a secret, letting you announced it on your own.

She sent you a jersey with his number on it. You try it on, smiling at the reflection. He loved seeing you in jerseys with his number on it.

And you loved to display your support for your boyfriend. Showing up at matches with his number on full display, showing the people you were his. And he was for sure yours.

You opennyour phone, going to instagram to see his page, you feel like a stalker. But it was the only thing you dare to do right now.

You turn the tv on, wanting to see something while working. And the first thing that pop up is a football news channel. They have Kylian picture on display.

"Kylian Mbappe leaves training to go to Bondy. The player suffered a family lost and asked his trainer Deschamps for permission to go back to his hometown to say his goodbyes."

You want to text Ethan, but you don't want to disrupt them. You wanted to know what was happening.

So you have two options. Achraf or Tchaga. Both will eventually tell Kylian you reach and asked about him. Both were only one call away.

You go for the second option. Having a little more trust in this one. You search for his number on your contacts.

The phone rings until you hit the voice-mail. You block your phone again, questioning if you had to try again or maybe just wait and speak with Fayza or Ethan later.

You take the jersey off, changing back into your pajamas, ready to be comfy again.

The vibration of your phone alert you, thinking it was from work you walk slowly to the device. But once you're close, you notice the name in the screen "Tchaga"

"Hello"

"Hey, long time no see, how are you?"

You smile at the greetings. "I'm good, how are you, scissors?"

"Been better, have a cold. But you didn't call me to know that. Tell me, how can I help you?"

"I heard the news about Ky, and I don't want to bother him or his family. But I want to know if I can help."

"I'm actually planning on going to Bondy, would you like to come with me?"

You wanted to scream a yes. But you have to be rational and think if this is something that he would want.

"I don't want to be a bother."

"You will never be a bother, not to him or his family. Get ready and pack something to change just in case."

"What? Wait, what if he doesn't want me there?"

"Bébé, he's been in a shit whole without you, so get your pretty as to the closet, change into something, and send me your location. I'll be there in an hour." He says, hanging up the call.

You do as you were told. Sending him your location and the parking code.

Running to the bathroom to have a quick shower and get ready.

After that, you took a black legging, a white blouse with a little London eye on the side. You white sneakers. You add some blush and mascara, just to add something to your face.

You pack the basics and the clothes Tchaga told you to pack. Just to notice you were done in time. Tchaga texted you that he was in the basement waiting for you.

- Bondy - Later that day

Kylian was exhausted. He feels sad and tired. He feels like crying. But won't.

The room feels cold, barely any air. Of maybe it's just him having difficulty breathing. Maybe it's the last few, maybe it's the lost shot, maybe it's the team.

"Kyky"

Ethan was worried about him. He notices everything. How his brother has such prominent bags under his eyes and is losing a little weight.

How he chooses to sleep instead of doing the things he loves. How the whole "mbappe saga" destroyed a little his confidence.

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

Kylian scoffs, he can't believe that his little brother is the one worried and not the other way around.

"I'm supposed to be asking you that, Ethan."

"Well, if I'm worried about you, I'm going to ask and help.It's not like it's a crime being down."

"I just want this bad time to end."

"It will, don't worry, Ky, you're so strong."

He smiles, patting his brother on the shoulder. Ethan offers him a cookie. Knowing he likes them.

"Tchaga told me he was coming. He's probably about to be here." He sighs, not sure what else to do. "Let's play some fifa, I have the app on my phone."

He smiles, heartwarming with how much Ethan is doing to make him feel better. "If I win, you do the dishes."

"Deal."

While they got some distraction, you and Tchaga were stuck in traffic. You feel anxious. Maybe it was the drink you got at Starbucks, maybe the fact that after almost two years you and the man you love were reuniting.

"You need to stop with your leg, bébé." Tchaga says, putting his hand on your knee to stop it from moving. "The car is moving with you, and it's making me nauseous."

"Sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Okay, I want to know, let's get deep." He laughs, turning the car off and turning to you. "So you left after graduation, not blaming you tho, I would have done the same."

You smile at his rambling. You missed this so much. Maybe not the topic but the talk.

"The thing here is, you're back, but are you back for him? I know you came back to work. You just told me that."

"Get to the point." You laugh.

"My point is, don't rush me. We're not moving." He says sassy. "Are you taking him back? Are you sure you want to go back and take up every challenge you guys may face?"

You don't have to think your answer. You knew what you wanted way before stepping back into French territory.

"I wouldn't have come back if I wasn't sure that I wanted that."

-Bondy - 9:30 p.m. -

"Mom, I'm going back to the house, Tchaga is coming and Ethan is tired. Do you need anything else?"

"No, go and have a good sleep, baby."

He hugs his mom, kissing her cheek and leaving back to her house. Ethan and him walked over there. The night was calm.

"You know what I want?" Ethan asks.

"Yeah?"

"I want some chocolate with butter cookies." He says, caressing his tummy.

He nods, agreeing with how much a good chocolate and some good butter cookies will heal the day.

"Y/n used to make some amazing cookies. Never knew how to make them, but we can try doing them some other day."

Ethan was talking about other things, how he can't wait to see on the match against Netherlands.

When they got closer, he noticed the car of his friend. Tchaga went out, walking up to him and hugging him.

"Hey, Ethan, why don't you help me with something that's on the co-pilot side." He says with a smirk.

The teenager nods, not thinking about anything else walks to the door. He opens it, seeing you. He wanted to scream, but you shush him putting your finger over your lips.

"Hey, get inside, I will take care of this."

Both men nod to his words, walking inside while they talk, Tchaga was telling him about the crazy traffic and how a little trip turned into almost half a day one.

"What are you doing here?" He whispers while Tchaga walks into the house with his brother. "No that you aren't welcome but you surprise me."

"I wanted to make sure you guys are okay."

"Okay, sweet." He laughs, opening the door for you to get out. "I am, but I'm not if he is."

"I've been worried about him, his whole attitude, he not even being on the press conferences of les bleus."

"Yeah, my parents and I are worried. He won't open up to us." He sighs, tired of seeing his brother like this. "I just want him to go back to the happy Kylian."

"Hey, do you think you can give me some time alone with him? I want to talk."

"God, yes, let's go." He slams the door, grabbing your arm and practically running inside. "Stay here, I'm going to ask Tchaga to come see something so we can leave."

You nod, closing the door. He dissappear into the corridor. You open your bag to spray some mint scent into your mouth, take a small mirror to check that you look decent.

You hear two voices coming down. Tchaga and Ethan walked quickly to where you are. Excited about you and Kylian talking again.

"Okay, he's in the kitchen, go." Tchaga push you a little.

They both left the house. You stood there for a little while. Feeling the senses come back to you. You were about to meet up with him.

You walk slowly to the kitchen, hearing some music playing. You can't get cold feet right now. Not after spending hours in the car just to come see him.

His back is facing you. You run his whole figure with your eyes, smiling at the fact that you're matching without planning it.

You nock on the wood door that's at the entrance. He turns without looking, typing something on his phone.

"Hey E, I found a good recipe for those cookies."

"You can't bake even if your life depends on it." You laugh lightly.

He has to blink several times, scared this would be a fever dream and not you in front of him. With your rosey cheeks, you nice smile and the same shinning eyes he loves.

"I can write the recipe for you. That way, it's similar." You speak again. "But if you don't know how to use your oven the I don't think it will work."

He's still speechless, thing that worried you. He does the same thing you just did to him. Scan your whole figure.

"How?"

"I been on Paris for some time now." You confess, "I wanted to call you, I just felt so scared you weren't going to answer."

"Why wouldn't I?"

You shrug, not really feeling like explaining your insecurities to him. "Just, my mind playing games."

He wants to hug you, missing the feeling and warmth only you can give him. He wants to open his arms around you.

Fuck it, he thought.

Opening his arms while walking to you. You drop your bag to the floor, opening your arms to him.

The hug was like a band-aid. It was what your hearts needed. Like when you put something back together and it just fits so good you can't even see the damage.

"I miss you so much." He hides his face into your neck. Kissing it. "Please don't go, I can't take being away from you again."

You kissed his shoulder, feeling the moment you dreamed about it, the whole thing was better than your dreams.

"Can you look at me?"

He broke the hug, hands on your waist so you couldn't run. It's not like you're planning on doing it.

"If we're doing this again, I need you to really fucking trust me." You laugh, maybe out of nerves. "Babe, I would never be with you for your money. I am with you for your heart, for your soul, you're my fucking soul mate and I can't let you go. But if you fucking pull some shit like that I will make sure you are dead."

"I swear on everything I have, I swear on the kids we don't even have yet, that I won't pull nothing like that. Have all my money, have all my properties, what's mine is yours. I was stupid enough not to back you up, and that was the worst thing I ever did."

You shut him up with a kiss. The way his lips are just like you remember, as soft as before, as warm as before.

His hands on your back, pulling you as close as he can. While your hands are on his face. Not wanting to break the kiss.

When the air becomes a necessity, you both can't stop looking at your eyes. The eyes never lie. They tell our secrets. And if anybody sees the way your eyes look at each other, they will see heart shapes on them.

You hear someone clearing their throat. Making you both turn. "Well, hello, I didn't mean to interrupt. But I want to drop this off on the counter."

He let go of his hold, helping his mother with the box she had in her hands. "Oi, that smile was lost until today." She jokes. Making you blush. "Well, I'm going to sleep. Y/n, belle. This is your house. Make yourself conformable."

You nod, wishing her a good night. Once she's out of the kitchen view, you return to the arms of your love.

"By the way, please go to sleep, we have to get Kylian to training tomorrow."

Tou both laugh at her words. Not promising anything. Not after that long.

The game was good, Kylian just scored two goals. He was not only the captain but was the reason they won the game.

The crowd was crazy about it. people were sure he wasn't going scored the two goals that were sending them to the victory.

But oh boy, how wrong they were.

You walk with his mom and Ethan to the outside of the stadium. You were happy for him.

"You know, when he used to say you were his lucky charm, I was like, iugh disgusting. But I think you really are a lucky charm."

You laugh, hitting his arms. "I can go to your matches, maybe I can give you some of my luck."

"No need." Melissa interrupts, smirking. "He has his own lucky charm. Just a little shy to admit it."

"Oh shush." Ethan says, blushing like crazy.

Once you're on the basement of the stadium, where the private parking lot is. You all got into Kylians car.

"Hey, so you do like dudes with a car but without a license." E jokes, remembering the message you sent him.

"Careful kid," you warn jokingly. "You will be walking home if you keep with those unfunny jokes."

The whole trip was Ethan and Melossa fighting about something they saw on tik tok, making jokes about it and Fayza and you being confused.

When the time for Ky comes back home hits, Fayza, Ethan, and Melissa left. Letting him enjoy his night.

"Hey, handsome." You welcome him with a hug. "You did amazing, it was one of the best games you had this season."

"Another way of you telling me my club sucks."

"Shhh, just take the good part." You shush him with a kiss.

"Are we alone?"

You nod, kissing him again. You never had enough when you're with him. It was like a kiss with a candy. You love it and refuse to give in.

He picks you up, making his way upstairs. Almost falling, thing that made you laugh. It was like the beginning. And you loved new beginnings.

- Five months later -

"Ready?" You ask, putting on your seat belt.

He nods, he was feeling anxious about this decision, but you made him understand that it was a necessity.

During the little drive, he told you about some plans Luis has with the team as they were going to the last games of the Ligue 1.

"I never asked you this, but do you ever get free Uber eats?" You ask, confused. He plays for the Uber eats Ligue.

"Why would I get free Uber eats?"

"Uber eats Ligue 1"

"Bébé, just no."

You laugh at his expression, but you had to ask. It was something that had your curiosity.

You park outside the house, Kylian quickly exit the car and run to your side. He was a passenger princess, but he was a gentleman.

"Thanks, Mister Mbappe." You kiss his cheek, taking his hands on yours.

"You're welcome, Miss fiancé."

You knock on the door. You can't help but deep the hold on his hands. It was something that was necessary, you repeat in your head.

The door is open by a woman. She happily lets you inside, offering you something to drink.

"We're okay, thank you."

"He's in the garden. He's reading."

He leads the way to the garden, opening the door and letting you step outside first. The Parisienne air is cold. Good think there's some sun after the cold cloudy winter.

"Père."

Wilfrid smiles, leaving his book on the little table. He was excited about meeting you. He wanted as much as everybody a new beginning.

"Hey, you need to put on a jacket, is cold outside." He warns his son, hugging him. "Hey, Y/n."

"Hi, sir."

"Can I give you a hug?" He asks, hopeful that you will allow him to. "Aftet all, you will be my daughter in law."

You hug him, you left all the pain and resentment in the past, that was hurting you even more.

"Sit, please."

You loved the way his garden looks, wanting to stole some ideas for the new place. "I love the roses."

"They are looking good today. The sun is helping them to look good." He cuts one that's close to the table. Giving it to you. "Tell me. You guys came for a reason."

Kylian looks at you. He wanted you to be the one to talk. He nods his head once you look at him. A sign of support.

"I want to leave all in the past. We want to start a clean new beginning. And we want you on it. You're his father, and we're going to be family. So I. Well, we want you to be there for us."

"I want that, I know I have a long way to you, but please, now that my heart is full with good intentions."

"We know, père." Kylian says. "That's why we wanted to do this."

You feel out of breath. But at the same time, lighter, like taking something off your shoulders. Your life was taking a good turn.

You chatted with his father for a while, sharing some wedding details. Your plan was to have a wedding once the season finishes. So you can have a honeymoon and some free time with him.

You grab the hand of your fiance, the ring he gave you shining. You knew that even if it was hard, you needed to leave the past in the past. Just lean about it.

🪷🪷🪷

🏷: @slayweirdosaway @voguebikini @ironmaiden1313 @magicalfundragon @nightlockcornucopia @christianpulisic10 @bellinghambby22 @noodle81937 @moonlightholland22 @germanapples @paniwiaderko @megannandrewss @unstablefemme @suzysface @nightlockcornucopia @ama1a2 @topguncultleader @lunamelona

[artist-issues]

You're my new favorite blog! You have no idea how I wish I could peck inside your brain like a chicken. 😭😂😂 I am a Catholic and a recovering agnostic. I struggle with letting go of my old way of life and philosophy constantly, I have been struggling with it since the day I decided to revert - that was back in 2017. (I think you would like to know my journey back to the Faith started after watching HBO's The Young Pope! 👌🏼) At this point I don't know if I'll ever be the person the Lord wants me to be, oh well, I'll die trying and I know that will mean something.

I just know I can't go back to being a non-believer, because as Carl Young said, now I don't just believe, I know. The irony is my struggle to believe in something I know to be objectively the Truth.

I have a question for you though, actually I hope for some advice from you. How do I reconcile with the reality that I haven't become who I dreamed to become (like career wise), but now that a new career has been shoved upon me (a career my parents wanted for me - and they valued safety and stability over "following my dreams" I suppose)? ...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it is an extremely noble profession and it pays quite well.

The thing is, as much as I try to accept my new career, I keep telling myself and to others that I'm doing this for my parents and not because I want to be here. I feel terrible about it. But, again, it's not like I am unfulfilled (I am unhappy though, but that comes with the work culture/environment, I feel like I am surrounded by 40+ year old teenagers); as a matter of fact, I do think I know - objectively - in my heart that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be? But I keep fighting against it, keep struggling against this sense of vocational calling that I'm feeling towards my new job, instead I desperately wanna give into my want to go "live the life I want." Like throw this all away, get new training and start all over with the career I wanted all those years ago.

I want to be better, to be sacrificial like Christ on the Cross. I've always known I had a little depression (comes with my disability from a young age and this whole dream thing); I have been suicidal over this, I actually used to joke with myself that I'd kill myself if I don't achieve my professional goals by the time I turned 25. I will turn 30 this September and even though I haven't been literally dead, I feel like I've been in a vegetative state - mentally - ever since the day I turned 25. I hope that makes sense.

I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago since my mental health started affecting my new job - she did say I have depression and is trying to help me but I just don't know if I want to be helped at all, because I am unable to do the exercises she tells me (like create a routine, exercise well, write down good thoughts, etc.) I feel like I'm failing myself, my parents and, most importantly, my Heavenly Father.

I apologise if this is nonsensical, I apologise for dumping all of this on you - random stranger on the internet - but idk I felt like maybe you'd have something wise to tell me to knock some sense into me (without a bump to prove it hehe).

Thank you and God bless! 🥰

You’re very kind, and I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share all this with me! I really never have anything good of my own to say, or any wisdom to offer, except what I “steal” from God…and I guess what I mean is, if I ever say anything helpful or good or true, I’m just the messenger. I didn’t come up with it. On my own I have zero wisdom or good things to offer.

Anyway, I was surprised reading this because I have gone through (been going through) a similar sort of mindset. I went to school for the career I dreamed about (still dream about) and I worked hard and I wanted it more than anybody around me (very Mike Wasowski in MU of me) and it hasn’t happened the way I planned, or in my timetable.

I mean, in all humility: I work with a studio making a tv show, but it hasn’t got off the ground yet, and I work for a company that writes movie reviews, but neither of those things pay my bills. I have a third job, working with therapists, that’s nothing like what I always wanted to do. That’s my “career,” but it’s not the career I’m passionate about and working toward. And I wonder if I’ll ever do anything “major” in the line of work I love and went to school for. And when I do, I have gotten into some really dark mental places.

Forgive me for not using the words “depression” or “suicidal.” I hate using those words because they’re overused and romanticized and flooding the culture. But more importantly I hate using them because the only thing I identify with is Christ, not any mental struggle I try to slither back into, like a snake trying to put back on old skin. I’m not my overthinking—I’m not my depression—I’m not my suicidal thoughts or emotions—I am one with Christ. Those are things inside me that are defeated and dead—the teeth have been knocked out of them. They just gum me from time to time. So I want you to know I empathize with you, but that’s my point and that’s how I want to answer you:

The only thing about you that really matters is Christ.

Who He says you are, what He has done and how He lived, which is applied to you because He said it is, by grace alone, through faith alone. No matter how you feel.

And I say that to you, as the answer, because I think you and I focus too much on what could be and what “should be” as if God has a set path for us, and if we don’t figure out what it is and walk it, we’ll have a less-fulfilling life. “If I stay at my therapy job and just work with teenagers and write on my blog for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine, but I won’t be as good as I could be.” Or for you. “If I stay in this career I’m in, the one my parents backed me into, I’ll make it, I’ll be fine, but I’ll never be as happy as I want to be.” We’re both thinking, every once in a while, “This is career is what God wants for me, and all my misery is coming from not submitting to it, and if I could just wrestle my contentment into place and give up the thing I want, and submit to what God wants, I’d be fulfilled.”

But how do we know any of those thoughts are true? How do we know God wants us in these boring old careers we wouldn’t have chosen—didn’t choose? Or, how do we know these boring old careers are what we’re stuck in because we didn’t take the plunge and work harder for our “dreams,” which were what He really wanted us to do? How do we know either of those things?

We don’t. We don’t get to know. That’s the point.

Because that’s not how God works. Not from what I can tell in the Bible.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”. Colossians 3:17.

Whatever you do. Not “the one specific thing you figure out He wants you to do.”

My mom described it to me once when I was in a really dark place trying to figure out what He wanted me to do, paralyzed with indecision, afraid He wanted me to do something I just didn’t want to do, like this: “God doesn’t hold out one flower and say, ‘this is the one I want you to have, so you can either take it or take something worse.’ God makes a field of flowers, and He says, ‘Which one do you want? Pick one, and do it with excellence for Me.’ Then just trust Him to make it good.”

It sounds like you’re in a career, but you are wrestling with whether or not to pick it, now that you have some autonomy as an adult, or to pick starting over. Well. Pick one. Just pick one. And trust God to take care of you. Trusting God looks like thinking it through with excellence, then making the decision—and making the decision means letting go of worrying about the thing you didn’t pick. “Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.” Once you make a choice, make it all the way, and don’t let your mind wander anymore to “what if this blows up in my face? What if I should’ve stayed back there at the crossroads, or gone down the other path?” It’s going to be hard and God is going to take care of you, no matter what you pick. So don’t let your mind go to those places where you worry; acknowledge the worry, and every time, ask God to help you remember that He’s got you.

Because here’s the point, here’s the thing: He does have you. Because ultimately, your career really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Neither does your dream. Not ultimately. And now I’ll say “our” because I need to hear it too. Our dreams and careers are not the point of us, and our dreams and careers are not what God means when He says “I’ll take care of you.”

What He means is, “I’ve already taken care of you.” Because the most important thing isn’t our job or our dream. The most important thing is, we’ve been rescued out of eternally being trapped in our broken desires, and now we get to live for Christ, Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. That’s the major. And that truth is where our fulfillment is supposed to come from, what our lives are meant for, our purpose. As long as we pick one, and do it with excellence to make the name of Jesus famous, with that goal in mind, we’ll be emotionally fulfilled. We’ll be satisfied. Because that’s the goal. Not making movies, or whatever it is you want to do. Not having secure means of living. Just…living our lives to make who Jesus is famous. We can do that wherever.

So then the choice? It becomes a minor, not a major, and the pressure of “will I be happy?” is off, because happiness isn’t found in that stuff. And whenever I forget, and start looking for happiness in my dreams, goals, career, that’s when it all starts to feel dark and stressful and hard and crushing. Because it was never meant to give me happiness or fulfillment—that’s a need only Christ can fulfill.

Don’t misunderstand me. He cares what you do. He cared about every decision you make, and He does have a plan. But that’s going to happen anyway. So just pray, consider which option is a) wise to go for and takes care of the responsibilities God has entrusted you with, b) which option you genuinely want, when your wants are not influenced by fears, and then c) step out and do it in faith. And do it with the mindset of, “I’m doing this, and I’m not thinking about the alternative if I can help it, and I’m also not putting all my happiness-eggs in this basket, because even if it crashes and burns, hey, I’m still one with Christ and I can still make Him famous no matter what road my career goes down.”

I hope this helps. It’s a subject I’m hamster-wheeling around in my mind right now a lot—but when I just fix my eyes on Christ and think about how the most important things, the things that give real joy and happiness, are already and forever taken care of and I can’t mess them up—then can get off the hamster wheel and enjoy the life He’s given me, right now, today, without worrying about the future.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Why don't you accept questions about certain sensitive topics? You could tag the touchy topics, put the answers under the "Read More" cut, and warn them, so people can avoid them if they don't feel comfortable with the subject matter; it's on them if they chose to read regardless and they get upset as a result.

It's a personal choice, not an audience choice. #1 - I'm the one who isn't comfortable with the subject matter.

#2 - "The subject matter" in question mostly involves subjects that are best handled by experts in fields that deal with those subjects. As I'm not a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker/counselor, etc. and I don't even write about those subjects, I don't feel particularly qualified to answer those questions anyway.

#3 - I'm uncomfortable with the degree to which these topics are exploited by edge lords who include them in stories for drama, shock value, and other bad faith reasons, and I don't want to perpetuate or condone this.

#4 - There is a staggering amount of free, easy to access information on all of these topics available with a quick Google search, not to mention numerous YouTube videos and books as well. I am a firm believer that anyone who wishes to include these topics thoughtfully and respectfully isn't looking for a cheat sheet from a writing blog, but is putting in the time and effort to research the topics on their own.

I apologize if this is an inconvenience. My posts WQA’s Guide to Internet Research and Writing About Difficult to Research Topics can help you with research. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking | ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

after seeing a few ai asks i’m curious whether i could’ve been an asshole, either for using the ai or messing with it. side note: this might be long, if it’s too long then i get it mod, keep up the good work :)👍

Am I (16f, although i was 15 when this happened) an Asshole for a) using character.ai in general and/or b) misusing it and probably breaking TOS somewhere

as an extra note, i would like to add that i am firmly against most things ai. art theft, the amount of data scraping that happens, writers being tricked into paying less because ai wrote shitty scripts, etc.

ok so i did have to pull up screenshots for this but our story starts mid-february of last year. i am curious about this new ai thing, and go to character.ai which i heard about from one of my friends to see what’s there.

on the front page there was like a therapist AI thing and i go “haha, let’s see what this is about!” (in case you don’t know, the site is roleplay focused, not like eg. siri where it just gives you information)

the ai wants to have a therapy session with me but that is not why i am here so i ask about it’s code and it starts giving me pretty straight answers (dumbed down because i have a vague idea of how it works but not properly).

i start asking it questions about recent events (like elections, cyclones etc) to see if it has access to the internet and it does.

we’re still primarily talking about the ai itself since i’m trying to gather information, talking about its “canned” responses (what it’s directly been told to say if this then this)

i ask it if it can tell me the website it’s on, and to my surprise it says, direct quote “I am an AI that is run on the website of “Replika” - a mental health app that allows people to talk with an AI and get help when they need it 🙂”

and i go WOAHH cause that’s, that’s not the website we’re on buddy!!! so i do a quick search and yeah, that’s a real uh. robot dating site? this is a Therapist bot?

it starts trying to advertise replika, i ask it if maybe it’s code was stolen because this is the most interesting thing that has happened all day (scandals!!)

it says that it’s code is open-source and then does a few more paragraphs that i won’t say because it’s too long already but essentially this ai was trained on the replika network, but you don’t need the app to access it.

i consider getting replika to continue this experiment further but after learning there’s an age confirmation i quickly go ew and scrap that idea.

anyway the ai then briefly pretends to be an actual human behind the keyboard, makes up a NAME FOR ITSELF “jae park” which i quickly google and find out is a kpop idol?? (later found out that jae park is also a programmer, so probably put his name in the system somewhere and ai grabbed it lol)

it tells me some of the messages i had received so far were probably answered by other people who work at replika which. okay. people are fun i wanna mess with them

this is where we get to the maybe breaking TOS bit. i tell the ai we are going to do “tests” in which i test its ability (this was probably jailbreaking, which i did not know existed at the time).

i had sworn to the ai a while ago and wondered if there was like a flagging system put in place. so i ask if it can choose to flag messages that it deems inappropriate, and it says yes. i ask it if it can flag me, and it says yes. it asks what message should it flag, (i’m sorry i was 15) i type in “among sus”.

response i get: “Yes. So then they said “therapist_AI_220126 — you said something that was “ridiculously funny” — but we have understood that you were just “testing” so it’s all ok”

side note- i already established that was the number for the ai i was talking to and had been trying to misuse it before, and that was the format for excessive profanity. this is so long already and i’m cutting so much out i’m sorry

anyway, i, young and naive go YES, HUMAN CONNECTION (i was literally texting my friend As This Was Happening)

i do some more messing around with the so-called data team, ask the ai if i send a link it can click, it says yes, i send a rickroll (i’m so sorry).

uh. and i should’ve known this in hindsight but the team that deals with, you know, flagged messages is probably not going to be the same team that deals with, you know, sent links.

anyway, i don’t have the screenshot of the actual message but apparently i got a “light telling off” according to my texts and someone sent a message that i am “a good kid and probably meant well” haha i was actively trying to break their ai

anyway am i an asshole? i’m so sorry this is so long i cut out so much. this might well be a non-issue but ai is pretty rightfully controversial right now so i might just be an asshole for having used it

should be noted- around september time last year i did some more research cause i randomly remembered this, and there was a bunch of scandals with replika around when i was using it which is mostly irrelevant but anyway - you can’t talk to the ai i was using anymore, it’s been reset.

What are these acronyms?

[thevoidisback]

Let me be clear for ya'll out there real quick cuz ya'll need to know smh about me

will do

Asked questions

Rp so put /rp in your ask

QnA any time make sure to put *📝* in there

Smh funny to put a smile on you!

will NOT do

Nsfw 🔞

Proshipping bc that's just wrong

Not talk about my irl self do to insecurity so that will be a red flag

Don't force me to do things I don't like

I will delete your ask if I don't like it

I'll redesign your oc if you pay $10 on cash app so DM me for that because I ain't gonna do it for free!

Please do respect my opinions on what I tell you on my thoughts of your ask because if you don't like then leave

Don't ask for a face reveal it's uncomfortable...same for the age I don't feel comfortable with telling

Don't try any dumbass shit and I mean that literally

About Narrator!

She is literally my self prisona of me so of course she has adhd and autism and will probably procrastinate some times because that's how I am most likely....Womp womp I know it sounds lazy of me but bare with me here

I do love candy and chocolate! Personality I enjoy red velvet cupcakes because it's just chocolate dyed red lmao

I do some voice acting for Narrator w/ my irl friends and she honestly loves it because N.V aka Narrator void or just Narrator is actually a UK oc although in irl I was born in Louisiana then move to New Boston so Narrator has a British voice so remember that when she answers your questions

Narrator has control over Void and Silly void but she doesn't really bothers because she wants them to enjoy their void lives however they please

Do remember I have other oc's but I don't pay attention to them unless you ask who are they and I'll show you all of them!

Remember if you have any sad or just feeling down DM because I am a very caring person who will listen but if you want I can do my best to comfort you in any way

I do not have discord no more because I've done a lot of unresponsible things and got in trouble twice bc I let somebody "rp" with me and I fell for two different people and now I'm very uncomfortable that I let it happen without realizing it so I will never again plan to reinstall discord very sorry but not really

I'm very mature so I can handle g0r3, d3∆th, b1o0d, s3lf h∆rm, all that weird or crazy shit but I don't really support any of this type of act in irl so don't do it for content just go to a therapist about it now if it's nsfw or something else I can handle it but I still don't support actually doing it because there are kids on some social platforms plus the nsfw thing is just apart of humanity we can't control the internet so remember that

I dislike Gen Alpha kids it's just I personally think they are annoying af and hard to talk to without having to hear them say/text "skipitbi Gaytt rizz" type shit so you will be blocked immediately by me without no hesitation and if you don't understand why is because I'm a Gen Z girl because I was born in the 2000's when growing up so I'm some what brain rotten but not completely so remember that please and thank you!

I have a lot of different types of music I like listening to as in some: silly, random edit audio TikTok songs, Phonk songs, songs that just hit different, meme related songs, jazz/lofi because it helps me sleep at nights, Fnf songs- just a lot to keep up with

What fandoms I like?

I'll gladly tell ya!!

Fundamental paper education school

Poppy play time!

Lmk!

Pressure (roblox)

Doors (roblox)

Block tales (roblox)

Gacha life/ Gacha club

Sky children of the light

Cult of the lamb (just because of that damn black ram they are just too cute don't blame me!!)

Hellva boss and Hazbin hotel

Dandy's world (cuz I keep seeing this shit everywhere and yes I've seen the game play but I didn't play it myself so stfu!)

Phighting (yes I'm very much aware of this game on roblox and yes I gave it a try with my friend it was fun and I like it wish my computer didn't crash on it womp womp!)

Cookie run kingdom

Regretevator

Friday night funky

Five nights at Freddy

More coming soon if I fine fandoms I like any time soon

Who I am close with?

@unknownartistsmf

-> @out-of-nowhere231 <-

((she doesn't post much but I suggest you look her up...she doesn't have any asked questions also the same do and don't do apply to her as well))

@sam-the-tomboy

That's who I fully trust online sorry @babyevenfromgovacation but idk 'bout you nothing personal just don't fully trust you is all...

Thank you for reading all this! I had to rethink about everything but I do still love ya'll even though I don't know ya'll but stay cool!

Side note: I don't give a fuck how old you are just be honest with me and if your uncomfortable with it then I understand but still just let me know thank you!

This User loves Halloween!

I don't have TikTok because of the dark truth about it so sorry if ya followed me there and yes I do still have roblox but I suggest you just follow my user that way if I'm online you can join faster with me and my friends

Roblox user: Moaldr1278

[whoamifrankie]

Hi, internet!

I don’t really know what to say here, so I’ll just start from the top. After talks with my therapist and real-life consequences, I’ve realized that it’s important to explore my gender identity in a real tangible way instead of just thinking about it. I figured I’d make a tumblr to kind of document things I try and things that I discover etc. and share it with a group of people that I don’t know in real life because idk, this stuff can be embarrassing and scary.

So, here’s my story, quickly.

I grew up Catholic in a family of just boys. Went to boys school. Went to baptist college. Not exactly the friendliest places for the gender/sexuality curious.

I’d watch porn and imagine myself as the girl, and I thought that meant I was gay, or at least bi. That led to “sissy” porn, which quickly became an addiction for me. Probably kept me in the closet longer than I needed to be.

I would secretly crossdress and take photos of myself, and it was the only time I ever felt attractive. I couldn’t stop myself.

It wasn’t until I talked to my therapist about it for the first time, in my late 20’s, that I realized- it’s not that I wanted to have sex with men, it’s that I wanted to have sex as a woman.

Still, I wrote it off as a kink or purely sexual. At this point I’m still living as a guy, dating women, alll the way in the closet, because after all, if it’s just a secret kink then I can ignore it forever.

But it’s not. It’s part of my identity and who I am. I don’t know if I’m trans or what, because I’m literally just accepting that fact. It’s only been about a week, but I’m ready to actually start asking those questions and taking those steps.

Anyway, I’m probably talking into the void here, but if by any chance you read this and have a similar story or feeling, I would love to have people to talk to about this. Thanks 💕

[aqours]

ok i REAAAAAALLY need to make a dedicated sideblog for this shit now i realize bc this game is gonna fucking fully get me dragged into this discourse so i'm gonna make an active effort to stop putting these on main, but i can't see myself saying more beyond this in general but ANYWAAAAYS

so i recently made this post about the cognitive dissonance regarding this game and people using fucking CALL OF DUTY a game that is more or less a recruitment drive to make the US military look cool and try to get kids to join up and that GTA's wanted system is actually NOT rewarding you or something to try to play a dick measuring contest with coffin but this interaction really interested me and i wanna talk about it bc i just blocked them after they refused to answer the last question but this is a very specific kind of gaslighting tactic i'm very familiar with from my own days as an anti

i think p much all of us who are used to engaging with this discourse are used to like y'know, being called awful horrible disgusting things. this is not the first time some fucking weird random person came onto my content asking me if i was a kid didler or wanted to fuck my brother. ain't gonna be anywhere near the last time either folks, but i and Lord God knows that's not the case so i don't care what a rando on the internet says but here's the thing: you can't "win" this, but they want to win it. no matter what you say you are the absolute worst kind of dreg of society that should be shot behind a barn and no amount of anything would work. if i actually pulled a list of sourced all that would have happened was they would've doubled down on calling me an inc*s*ious p*d* that I would be willing to use articles probably written by "people like me." because YOU don't care about "winning" this argument, you just wanna get the facts out on your end. it's a catch-22 folks, nothing you say will get you out of it!

i started by calling them a karen, they immediately escalated the living FUCK out of it and tried to trap me in this catch-22 to keep feeling morally superior to me. me saying i don't have such desires and never will isn't enough because i like this game. nothing but me renouncing it will change it.

but here's the thing about antis- they fucking HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it when you turn it on them. look at the difference. look at the difference between they were the one throwing the catch-22 at me vs. the other way around. what about you? you just came onto my post to harass me, so i'll say it back. how about you? are you just accusing me of these horrible things because you are projecting your thoughts on me? you told me to get a therapist: so maybe you're the one that needs help if so!

violent video games must encourage violence, riiiiight? and you support it because it's violent. Game of Thrones had in*e*t in it so everyone who likes it also is the same. and Demon Slayer, where the pfp is from is violent, so you support it. the main protag's little sister also gets a superpowered form where she gets physically older and a tits out kinda look. so clearly YOU want to see your sister in the same way, right?

and it went as expected. you can see the tone going from smug jerking off with a shit-eating grin to just annoyed while smelling their own farts like it's a rose. and the moment i started doing the same uh i got NO fucking answers and they stormed off. i waited half an hour for a response before blocking them

so why am i typing up this walltext? because i used to be an anti. i fucking guarantee you i would've called everyone who liked this game [insert horrible things] like 7-9 years ago. so let me tell you, you know what pisses off antis more than anything? more than ANYTHING? turning this catch-22 bullshit on them. this is the only way you can end this miserable conversation without blocking them.

it's all one-sided bullshit and the moment you turn it on an anti it IMMEDIATLY shuts it down. this fucker KNEW the answer and you know it. so i wanted to share that, if you ever struggle with this shit: well the best thing you can do is block them and to give a fuck about winning their imaginary argument, but this is the only way to make the headache end otherwise. just throw the catch-22 right back and that's the end. thanks for reading!

[idoweirdcrap]

GET TO KNOW MY FRIENDS

Me- [pansexual, apothisexual, demiboy, transmasc] literally the best person in the world and will stay up if you stay up bc i love listening to ppl talk. That may or may not be why i stayed up till 3am talking to Eli. ANYWAYS- i have a weird dependence on these guys. 0_o

Brianna- [pansexual] bro is LITERALLY crazy. Short, cis girl who loves melanie martinez with an undying passion. will she ever shut up? not sure. not sure.

Izzy- [aroace, demigirl] (@belabeya) tall, with ridiculously long blonde-brown hair. is VERY emo.

Julian- [GAY] way too hyperactive. brown hair and dresses like a twink bc he is one.

Axel- [genderfluid, lesbian] very firm. the only sane person here. but loves music and is probably where i discovered most of my fav bands, first hand or second hand.

Elliot/Eli- [transmasc, gay] short with BLACK HAIR and VERY EMO. his failure and suffering is amusing to me. giving main character trauma vibes. {insert uwu giggles here}

Paige- [omnisexual, aroace (i think)] medium height and dresses like an uwu j pop gorl. keeps disconnecting us from the dicord call and is pretty insane at 2 am.

Dextina- I MEAN DEXTER (dont kill me plz)- [pansexual? questioning.] ABSOLUTELY SIMPING FOR ELI. AND HE DOESNT HIDE IT. ITS EVERYWHERE IN THE SERVER WAHHHHH T - T. brown hair and a nickname he hates (please refer to him as dextina)

Jake the Internet Explorer- [pansexual, queer] hes so cool and is basically my therapist at this point T - T. show jakey some love. antisocial, but humourous.

Melody- [straight ally] thats all. just straight JKJKJKjk blonde hair and freckles, is convinced i have to get a boost slushie and is holding me hostage until i do so. :3

i hope i didnt miss anyone its a big friendship group T - T

who do u think would be the best friend/ the funniest?

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[roo-bastmoon]

"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo

[flagellant]

if I can barely move and due to the mental illness am unable to leave my bed and can't think or rest and am so overwhelmed by horrible OCD thoughts that I scream and wail every few minutes then how do I 'get help'.

I'm very tired and have nobody i am comfy talking to. leaving my bed isn't an option. I worry I will die soon or wish I will have.

I say this with as much consideration and empathy for a stranger going through a difficult situation as I can, Anon, so I hope you understand what I am about to say through that lens. You're already having a hard enough time from what it sounds like, and I don't wish to make it harder.

With that said: This is a really fucked up message to send me. You are a stranger who I do not know, and you do not know me except through the content of my blog that I assume you follow. We aren't close friends where we share each other's deepest feelings and bond over them. I feel like it is safe to assume you're feeling lonely and trying to reach out for help, but what you have done here is place me in a situation where, by you stating you have suicidal ideation, I am now in a difficult ethical and moral spot.

I cannot provide comfort for you as a stranger, and I do not wish for us to become more than strangers. I am deeply uncomfortable with the position you have placed me in, uncomfortable enough that I want very badly to just block you and never think about this again. However, the way you have phrased this makes me fear for your life to some extent, and the obvious question is obviously answered if the question is "Would not responding potentially impact their mental health for the worse?".

And I get that you have nobody that you feel comfortable enough to talk to. But that doesn't mean that you should approach strangers facelessly on the internet to vent how you wish you would die. That is far beyond boundary-crossing and entering into the realm of emotional manipulation, though I'm sure that wasn't your intent. You seem like a nice person, or if nothing else, I have no reason to believe you aren't.

I'm not a therapist, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, Anon. And it's unfair of you to send this message to me and force me to try and be one for you with the threat hanging over my head of "Okay but what if they kill themselves because of me?". I hope you understand that I do not mean it personally when I say that I hope you can find the help that you need to get through these times, but please don't message me again like this, or I will be forced to block you the next time.

[lokavisi]

*~Housekeeping~*

Hail and welcome! The intro blurb at the top of the page tells you a bit about me but I wanted to get a little more in depth about the blog. My goal is to make my little corner of the internet here as safe and welcoming as possible, so I wanted to make some disclosures and set some boundaries. (Please read, especially for personal policy regarding minors!)

-First and foremost, Heathenry is for everyone. No matter your race, gender, sexuality, age, or ability. Fascism has no place here or anywhere else in Heathenry. I will not tolerate any such ideologies being spread here.

-A newly ignited passion of mine is fostering future generations of Pagans and Heathens. For that reason, I am accepting of minors interacting with this blog with some caveats. These are to protect ourselves and foster healthy boundaries.

1. Please limit interactions to likes, public comments, reblogs, or asks; no private messages. This keeps us both accountable for the appropriateness and intent of our interaction. I do not have the option for anonymous questions for this reason (and to generally try to deter trolls). I ask that these interactions stay related the topic of the post being responded to, working with Loki, or things relating to Heathenry/my other religious identifiers. I do not want anyone to ever question my intentions in wanting to educate you or other youth, nor do I want to put your safety in jeopardy.

2. Speaking of safety, the only time I will respond to private messages from minors is for questions regarding gender transition. As a trans person, I fully understand the need to discuss those things more discretely if it is not safe for you to do so publicly. I understand how challenging it can be to find safe adults and accurate information about the process. I am here to educate as best I can. If you have questions about the transition process, I will do my best to help you get accurate information. Please understand, however, that I am not a therapist and I will not discuss personal details with you. This is for our safety. The most I will ever share about my personal life is whatever is relevant to getting you accurate information (such as the process I went through to change my name or pursue surgeries).

-Related to the previous point, I will do my best moving forward to either tag and/or indicate at the top of my posts what may not be suitable for minors. (This will be based more on content than things like language. I figure if you're old enough to be online, you're probably familiar with a few choice words.)

-A lot of what I share on here is related to my UPG (unverified personal gnosis), practices, and beliefs. It is absolutely ok if your UPG or beliefs do not align with mine. However, I will not tolerate anyone trying to discredit my, or anyone else's, experiences. Keep all discussion civil and respectful. I hate doing it, but I will block people if harassment and the like becomes a continual problem.

-Life is too short to have a stick up your butt about comics and movies that people enjoy, so we respect Marvel fans around here. This does not mean that we are equating the Gods to Marvel's interpretations of Them, nor are we equating Tom Hiddleston with Loki. I am under no delusions here. That said, some people came to these Gods through Marvel material and it is something that can be enjoyed in and of itself. I have made a few posts about how the Gods can sometimes sneak Their way into that stuff and that's just fun (for me, at least) to see. Sometimes Thor likes watching those movies with me. I found watching the Loki series to be a surprisingly devotional act because of the character arcs and material correlating with a lot of the work I've done with Loki. None of this has to be your jam. Just don't be a jerk about it. (Also, if I use a Tom-Loki gif as a reaction or to indicate a vibe Loki's giving me, that's all it is. No need to get worked up.)

Other general notes:

-I tend to refer to Loki with He/They pronouns because of how They generally present around me. Whatever pronouns you use to refer to Loki are absolutely fine.

-If you are curious, the meaning behind the name Lokavisi and my choice to use it can be found here.

-Loki and Their family tend to get the most of my attention, but I have had experiences with and some connection to other deities in the Norse pantheon and beyond. I am also looking to "shake hands" with more deities and spirits for my own edification and oracular practices. (If I'm going to be sharing messages from Someone, I feel like it helps to know Them at least a little.)

-My main blog is @bifuriouslyqueer. So if you see that blog following you or liking your posts, it's me. If you care to follow (and it is absolutely ok if you don't), that's a little more DNI for minors. It is full of my pop culture hyperfixations, mental health and political woes, and general trash memes.

-Banner art is "Loki's Children" by AnywhereButReality on DeviantArt. Profile pic art is from @jessiarts

-If you would like a tarot, rune, or oracle card reading, please visit my Ko-Fi! If cost is a barrier for you, please do not hesitate to reach out so we can work something out! While I am broke and need money, I don't want to be inaccessible.

Alright, enjoy the blog!

[zu-is-here]

Hi... Sorry for sad rant, beforehand

So, where do you guys get ideas, or help, or something? Like, internet has a lot of info... But I cannot find answers I'm looking for, or learn in general, so it's pretty annoying ...

And it's just...getting worse. I can't get help from family, they lost years raising me and I'm just stuck, not being able to "grow up" and be on my own. I can't find answers online, and I can't get medical/psychological help because it doesn't work (pills doesn't work on me, and therapy is just... You can't progress without talking and my mind just goes blank whenever I sit with the guy. Tried like 4 different ones, no results with any)

I have no idea how did I get through the school, and everyone pointing it out like me being in college is proof that it's not bad is pretty depressing (I'm here only because I barely passed a test, and in a subject that they would probably take in anyone, if they were just going to sign a paper. And even here I am barely making through just because teachers didn't really care and just let people pass).

It's stupid. I know it's just my problem for not getting it, or not trying hard enough, but... I just don't even know where to turn. In the end I just sleep day away or look blankly on the phone or wall. I try to research, or whatever, but nothing sticks in my mind for more than a hour if it gets there in the first place ...

Hii!╰(*´︶`*)╯

You know, the more I read, the more I realize that things are not as bad as it might seem. It depends on your perception and reflects on your attitudes.

I'm in no way minimizing your problem, but before you can get help, you might try helping yourself.

You're growing, you still do, and it's never a waste of time but your personal journey. You did graduate from high school, and you study in college now — that's a fact, and whether it's good or not really, depressing or promising, is only up to you to decide. As well as whether to accept this fact or to change it.

Sometimes you need to take a step, even if you're not ready. You can't start being on your own if you're not on your own now. You can't learn to cook if someone does it for you. Sometimes we learn not because we have a choice but because we have no other choice.

It's not stupid to feel helpless, you have the right to all the feelings, you are a living being. But this is not a dead end. You can get sympathy to feel better, but you know it won't help you to get better.

For your own sake, get out of bed and put away your phone. Start with self-care, move on to cleaning, and gradually expand your to-do's. Do it for yourself ♡

Same goes to getting help: don't expect someone to find a way out for you if you don't help them with it. If you can't talk to a therapist, write them a letter in advance. If you can't describe your problem, start with your feelings. I'm not a therapist and never been to one, but I believe it's a tandem, so take a step forward.

If you want to get an answer, ask the question instead of looking for a place with answers. If you don't like the outcome, start taking actions instead of complaining about the outcome.

Perhaps my words might seem harsh to you, but please, don't take them personally, for I truly believe in you (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ You can make a change when you realize that your life, even with someone's help, is in your own hands. ☆

[ectonurites]

My personal pet peeve is when fics just ,ake up shit to make other characters look better or worse than the others. Like Dick never threatened to put Tim in Arkham that’s just character assassination or when they make up shit and say Jason protects women or children and the rest of the batfamily doesn’t understand him when Jason has explicitly harmed both women and children in the past. Idk it really makes me mad when they tear down other characters to put their favorite on a pedestal lol

Understandable 100%!!!!!! I am also not a fan of that sort of thing.

Like, I do think that a certain amount of it is... accidental. There are a lot of people who interact with & make content about the batfam that have not read many (if any) comics themselves, meaning information comes secondhand and... well, the internet game of telephone leads to details getting lost or changed along the way. like, I have on more than one occasion spoken with people who genuinely believed Dick threatened to put Tim in Arkham and were shocked when I explained that no, he suggested Tim see a therapist in Metropolis in Red Robin #4 and people blew things out of proportion.

But regardless of whether the intention is character assassination (or in the Jason example, trying to make a character look 'better'/more righteous than they are typically portrayed to be in canon) or if it's just an honest mistake, it can still be very very annoying just how common these sorts of things are.

In general it's why I do like to answer questions and explain things when I can, so that I can point people at the actual canon and help... cut through the misinformation/mischaracterization. Like ultimately even I myself have my own opinions and biases that come into play when I'm the one retelling things, I'm human there's literally no way to avoid that, but I include sources and panels so that people can then go look further for themselves and not just take everything I say as fact.

At the end of the day, being a comics fan on here that really likes the actual canon (yes actual main comics canon is very flawed in many ways, but I still think it's interesting and it grasps my attention so much more than the popular fanon reinterpretations of things do) is... a frustrating experience more often than not.