#these fucking clownshoes

[cryptvokeeper]

actually since the dashboard is throwing both sides of the worlds stupidest fucking argument at me I’m gonna go ahead and say I think "start a new paragraph when you'd imagine the camera angle changing" is GREAT writing advice precisely because it tells you absolutely fucking nothing.

there are films with jumpy editing that cuts to a new shot every five seconds. There are films that are entirely made up of one continuous shot. Those two styles evoke completely different feelings in an audience. Similarly, a piece of writing with zero paragraph breaks is gonna feel incredibly different than a piece of writing with constant paragraph breaks.

the same way different camera angles and shots are tools for filmmakers to use, paragraph and line breaks are tools for writers to use, and it’s up to the individual writer to choose how to most effectively use them.

[creaturesgrin]

ive had 2 (now ex) mutuals reblog that screenshot of a tiktok where it's got a woman whose manager is a trans man and still identifies as a lesbian- "and how it's actually not that big of a deal."

well, it is. trans men are men and lesbians don't like men. and if i see any other mutual reblog it, it's on sight. (punch emoji.)

[vyorei]

The voice clip I just sent to my partner about this..

I'm sick to death of the US trying to force this narrative on everyone

[attractthecrows]

im almost irritated that im back into dragoned age tbh. like i DID my time in the discourse trenches! it was fucking insufferable! i know all the arguments! i know all the plot holes! i know about the bad writing and the terrible indigenous allegories and the "What About Our Poor Widdle Empire :((("-ism and the both-sides whataboutism and hypocrisy. I know about the anti-Anders Cullen critical Loghain apologists. i remember. i really, really do. i was there, Gandalf, and it was terrible.

unfortunately,

[tiefling-queer]

it's so funny when people say that miscommunication trope wouldn't happen in a group of autistic people, as if my autistic friend group is not constantly having issues with our need to be spoken to in a very particular way while being unable to plainly articulate our thoughts and feelings

[houseofpurplestars]

It's too dreary over here so I bring you some humor from twitter:

https://twitter.com/AdameMedia/status/1745758550964486327?s=20

(A british man attempting to read the statement of so-called "israel" at the ICJ on Friday, only to find that he's "missing a page". Mohammed El-Kurd quips that Hamas must have shuffled his papers.)

[strangelittlestories]

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

"I can't believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It's full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd."

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

"Ow!"

"Did you know," says Gretel, "that crows are capable of facial recognition?"

"Eh?" Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Not only that," Gretel continues, "but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they'll often follow people they remember as friends."

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel's hands.

"Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!"

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

"For example," Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, "if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they'll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food."

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

"They'll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!" Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

"Oh shitballs." Says the witch, as the crows descend. "I hope you know this is a great unkindness."

"Technically," Says Gretel, "It's a murder."

---

Thank you for reading. If you'd like to support my writing, you can do so at https://ko-fi.com/strangelittlestories

[earthdeep]

under the cut for garden wildlife fight club (not graphic, just violence)

over lunch family was watching a big mouse out and about, bold enough to hang around the base of the bird feeder. v impressive guy, very chunky.

but anyway we spotted a magpie edging onto the scene. you know, fine, the mouse had retreated to take some food home by the time the magpie had domineered the feeder. all's good.

and then the mouse came back? like while the magpie was still very much present. magpie hopped up on feeder, mouse darted over to pick up those delicious ground scraps.

inevitably the magpie spotted the little guy, and we all winced as it jumped down, the both of them momentarily obscured from sight by a flowerbed. we get up from our seats, flocking forwards to bang on the window and interrupt the drama and carnage. and as the pair come into view, the mouse defiantly leaps at the magpie one last time, and the bird jets off to the other end of the garden, where it proceeds to sheepishly peck worms out of the lawn instead. there were no other animals in play, no falling leaves to startle them. the mouse stuck around at the bottom of the feeder to keep eating, buoyed by its success in chasing away an honest to god magpie.

and then the moorhen returned from its daily commute, stalked over, popped its wings back into Torpedo Mode, and charged at the mouse to get it to leave. official garden pecking order:

magpie < mouse <<<<<<< moorhen

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Yes, I've seen this, and yes, it's a fucking clownshoes travesty. Riot CEO Dylan Jadeja and Marc Merrill can both eat a big fat sack of shit, the executive class at that company is staffed by incompetent vultures who will throw five hundred people's lives into turmoil because interest rates aren't zero anymore, but who will never so much as shave the five o' clock shadow on their own compensation packages.

If they gave a single solitary shit about sustainability, they would have built a company that can operate when the interest rates are Anything Other Than Zero. They didn't do that because they don't actually care about that, and these layoffs are ENTIRELY about appeasing shareholders and meeting quarterly growth targets, no matter how pathetically Jadeja may protest that He Would Never.

Legends of Runeterra struggled because Riot catastrophically mismanaged it, as evidenced by the DOUBLE 180 degree turn they've now done on Path of Champions as a product. Riot Forge is getting shut down so Riot Games Inc. can go jerk off Saudi Arabia with PR laundering esports events and gag on MBS' veiny, shriveled faucet of oil money, I remember when the LCS tried to get away with promoting NEOM.

Since I cannot repeat it enough: eat shit, Riot CEO Dylan Jadeja, and also Marc Merrill, you incompetent fucking vultures.

[where-the-water-flows]

ok so like, maybe I am missing something, but. is almost every action/plan carried out by nanyin associated folks to revive nanyin just... absolute clownshoes nonsense? every single attempt is just nine fuck ups in a trench coat before the plan falls off a cliff, and/or gets fully coathangered by someone else's completely unrelated plan at the last second?? Like...

Princess Longxuan, Li Xiangyi's + Jiao Liqiao's mumble great grandmother (?), first cab off the rank re:attempting to revive nanyin. Her husband - who is the fucking crown prince of Xi, and thus should have been a basically guaranteed way to get the nanyin bloodline on the throne, no more plotting required!! job jobbed, everyone take a real long lunch!! - seems to have either decided on his own or been convinced (by her? I guess??) to be like 'fuck waiting to inherit the throne when my dad the emperor dies, life is short and coups never ever go wrong', and then fucked that up so bad they got executed and also consigned to the shame tomb for eternity about it. on the one hand, wild that she did not get executed prior to the failed coup, given everyone seems to have known? she was from nanyin?? which literally falls the day after her wedding???? I don't know enough about historical Chinese customs here w/r/t if she would have been considered to have fully 'married out' and thus be....not of nanyin and presumably thus an enemy of the state...even though she clearly still thought of herself as being of nanyin???? also, this is assuming that nanyin is an enemy of Xi! maybe they were allies, and when nanyin fell Xi was like ':( oh noooo.... anyway.' , but I....do not get that impression. on the other hand. girlie your husband is the crown prince. you have a son with him, thus securing the bloodline already. you are, presumably, a fucking shoe in for inheriting the throne? how did you fuck this up. I know it might have just been your husband being impatient but also good lord, talk about an own goal.

Feng A-Lu, nanyin sorcerer, secret great grandfather(ish) of the current emperor of Xi. second attempt to do anything about getting nanyin bloodline on the throne. fucks up and does not find the heir even a little bit. On the one hand, finding some kid/teen in a forest is probably reasonably difficult, given the circumstances, on the other hand, c'mon man. you had one job.

Jin Yu Huang Quan, the og guys holding the ice keys. fully just decided to simply say no thank you!! to bringing back nanyin, the thing they were explicitly entrusted with doing. not really a fuck up on their part, because they got sweet cash money out of it, but also, very funny they were collectively just 'friendship ended with reviving nanyin, being rich in Xi is our new friend.'

Feng A-Lu, again. also fucks up what is presumably the back up plan to take over Xi with the power of the karmic bug (and murder), because he gets distracted by a pretty girl, and then practically attic wifes himself. on the one hand, not really his fault consort Ying was planning her own 'and then I will be emperor empress, mwuah-ha-ha' thing, on the other hand, c'mon man, stop thinking with your dick for five seconds.

Feng bloodline / Wansheng clan. misidentifies the orphan heir they've been looking for. literally would have been better off not checking the signs (necklace, birthmark) and just picking one of the two possible options at random, because that would have given them a 50/50 chance of picking the right kid. not really their fault for assuming the kid with the identifying necklace is actually the kid with the identifying necklace they're looking for, but still. fucked that one up right good. the fact that even if shan gudao had won nanyin still wouldn't have managed to get their royal bloodline on the throne is incredibly funny.

Shan Gudao, sigu sect era. leaving as read he's not actually nanyin royalty anyway and thus literally everything he does is by definition clownshoes fuck up from the start; sigu sect era he is presumably planning to get close to the emperor via...sigu sect becoming allied with/part of the imperial court?? and then launching a coup from there. maybe also picking up the karmic bug, only he screws that up too, RIP to the 14 thieves. manages to ally with the court! plan derailed because surprise, li xiangyi has learnt a new trick, and it is: basic diplomacy. has to fully fake his death about this for a literal decade. hilariously bad outcome, nice job mate.

Shan Gudao, again. retrieves (via jiao liqiao via di feisheng+fang doubing+li lianhua) the karmic bug box he failed to get his hands on a decade ago. manages to finally collect all four ice keys. unlocks the karmic bug box. immediately loses the karmic bug, box, and keys. technically this probably doesn't count as fucking up a whole plan unto itself and is just a set back because he does get the bug back but also, lol. lmao.

Jiao Liqiao. she has clearly been working with the wansheng clan (including, secretly, shan gudao) for about/over a decade? thundering fire bombs, basically took over the jinyuan alliance, etc, but also, she does seem to have just been using them (to get her man) as much as they were using her (to clear remove any possible threats to their power/throne), so... good for her I guess. she decides to go all in on being the emperor at basically the last second, and honestly, she doesn't do too bad! she could fully nuke the karmic bug advantage, and after that it's a power struggle between her and shan gudao, which, I'd back her and her legion of jianghu boytoys over him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she does die because her malewife ambitions were set too high, though. notable for how her plan coathangers herself with the absolute clownshoes behavior.

Shan gudao, again (again). actually gets sort of on the throne! for like. a second. before getting his ass kicked, his henchmen killed/defeated, and also finding out that whoops wrong orphan. hilarious to me that he is the nanyin aligned person who actually succeeds at getting a nanyin person on the throne for a hot second, except for how he's not....actually of a nanyin bloodline at all. net zero success.

like, once is happenstance, twice is bad luck, nine+ times over a century is very much hitting maybe you should just pick a new, more realistic goal territory.

[utilitycaster]

not to be a buzzkill (genuinely - I think what I'm proposing is more fun, not less) but whenever I see a post that's like *tying my clownshoes* <absolutely baseless theory> I'm just like. You can just make a post that says "I'd really like to see XYZ happen." Like, you can stop pretending something self-indulgent that makes absolutely no fucking sense - and you know it makes no fucking sense, because you're referencing the clown makeup - is a valid theory, and trying to find the tiniest shreds of not-even-evidence to twist into a shaky house of cards. You can just be like "I want to see this thing, because it would make me happy," and no one can question or dispute that and you can stop digging into how unlikely it is and actually enjoy yourself.

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #2

What if I started putting silly thumbnail images on these posts what if that was a thing that I started to do

Anyways this week is PKNA #0.2 here we gooo- THIS POST IS REALLY LONG SO OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK

OK so I'm running a bit of an experiment this week - which is to say that in between this week and last week's reading I bought all the English copies of PKNA that exist (there's only 6) and I know the official translations took more creative liberties than the fan translations (which from what I understand are more direct) SO I'll be reading both a physical official English copy of this chapter AND pulling up the fan translation at the same time to compare and contrast noticeable differences in dialogue. Also that's why some of the photos will be screenshots and some will just be me taking actual photos of a comic book lol.

Right off the bat the official English has Scrooge calling Donald a muttonhead which I think is the superior insult here. Also he gets fancy red text in this panel

All of Uno's text is green as well, which is a fun touch! (It's subtle on camera just trust me on this one)

snoozer male confirmed 🛌

DARN TOOTIN!!!!! See, they had to capture the American audiences by making Donald sound as much like a cowboy as possible (it's working on me so far yeehaw 🤠)

First of all, rude. Second of all, is it his aunt or his mom you need to make up your mind buddy. THIRD of all, PK calling him "king ugly" is giving "Darkwing calls Taurus Bulba 'fatboy' in Darkly Dawns the Duck because he can't think of a better comeback." YEAH WELL YOUR MOM-

I THOUGHT HE JUST CALLED HIM A CUCK

Raider has this weird laugh going on that I think is supposed to make him sound like a rooster? Either way he needs to be stopped

OK AND I GUESS ANGUS FANGUS ALSO GETS HIS OWN LAUGH ON ACCOUNT OF BEING A KIWI??? WHAT IS HAPPENING 😭THIS ISN'T FUCKING ONE PIECE (also sorry for there being a glare on like all my photos the lighting in my room is really strong ok)

Dork Avenger.... he's never going to recover from this

she knows

NO FUCKIG WAY IS THAT A REFERENCE TO DARKWING DU- also that fuckass laugh again

The fan translation references Mouseton so I guess buy the official English copy if you prefer references to Darkwing Duck over Mickey Mouse

Ok so they're definitely NOT shooting him with tranquilizers but I appreciate the effort. Y'know despite the fact that the officer is still just holding a regular gun

This is also the ONLY coloring difference I've noticed so far, which is that the bullets are now yellow instead of blue. Is that supposed to mean they're tranquilizer bullets??? Is it somehow less violent if the bullets are yellow now??? What are they, banana flavored??? Idk

What?? Nooo... Lyla is a totally normal human woman. I mean duck.

Who the fuck is Lyla Lee

Ok I guess he's Red Raider now instead of just THE Raider

I'm living for the more ~flowery~ dialogue in the official copy. HOLY HONK!

CAPTAIN CLOWNSHOE!! YOU POMPOUS WHOMP!!!

The folds of spacetime say happy pride month 💖🏳️‍🌈

SWEET FUDGYJIGGERS!!!

YOU MEAN LIKE A TIMEPHOON?!?!?!?

oh my god what if the robots kissed

I don't know if I'm gonna do the comparison thing for the upcoming 4 issues cause this took me like 2 hours to make this post lol (also I hit the image limit and had to combine a bunch of them into one). The major difference between the dialogues I noticed is that the official dialogue is a lot more flamboyant with its language (and Donald says a lot more insults). They also snuck in a few more pop culture references.

This has been an epic Live Puffy Reaction hope you enjoyed. That's all I got.

[lesbianralzarek]

fellow adhders, you know when todays Mysterious Barrier Preventing You From Doing A Simple Task is placed directly in front of the taking your meds task? and so the rest of the day is a clownshoes shitshow as you arduously slog through every task surrounding that one in the hopes you can unlock it like a skill tree or something? just loaded the dishwasher so heres hoping i suddenly gained the ability to take pills so i can fucking drive to get my refills

[yloiseconeillants]

OK SO SPEAKING OF INDULGENS:

the whole backstory on yloise's ancient being like, emet-selch's EX and not like, azem lmao is that her brother is one of the few people who like, actually died died in the Days of Paradise (an accident) before the Final Days and given that Amaurotine Culture has no framework for processing grief (they don't even say the Death word, if Hythlodaeus' reaction to Hermes saying it in Elpis is anything to go by) and Ariadne Did Not Deal With This in Any Way That Could Be Considered Healthy and basically gave up on everything and pushed Hades out of her life because he had been to the Aetherial Sea! He could have fetched Midas!! But he didn't and didn't understand *why* she was so upset that her brother had ~returned to the Star (it wasn't his choice to do so) (my OC emet-selch then spends the next several millennia learning about how much damage grief can do to a person I guess). Anyway this is a thing that's just Between Them for the rest of the ancient days even if Hades and Ariadne end up trying again (and they do, to no avail, but they keep trying anyway) (again. and again. and again.) (maybe next time it will be better) (it has to be).

ANYWAY fast forward to like, idk, the War of the Magi, wherein Midas has reincarnated as Tursas, a Nymian Marine, partnered with Ariadne's Nymian Scholar, Louhi. Tursas dies at sea and Louhi Also Does Not Deal With This in Any Way That Could Be Considered Healthy and like, blows up the Aetherial Sea so that she could do a necromancy and Emet-Selch has to scramble to fix this and it ends up making Midas' soul WEIRD and the next time he reincarnates near a Calamity is ERASMUS REED, beloved tank who will not die to the point of like

just hovering between states

thus: void zombie erasmus. who has been sitting in my plot for a decade but !!!!! i recently decided on how to resolve this, and it's Yloise as the Warrior of Light playing psychopomp and calling on a favor from the esteemed Emet-Selch (deceased) (very deceased) (but still hanging out in the aetherial sea). And given that the last time she tried to pull something like this, it was in the opposite direction and she blew up the Aetherial Sea, so he helps Erasmus actually die and return to the lifestream or whatever the fuck we're calling it in FFXIV. Anyway: this actually resolves the entire Thing Between Ariadne and Hades so I can put their entire drama to rest (unless like, idk, he pops up again in dawntrail and yloise has to put her clownshoes back on). GPOSES:

[x-manson-annotated]

X-Manson Annotated Chapter 5 - Part Seven: "CLOWNSHOES"

How do you publicly execute a man who cannot be killed?

*As far as I can tell, I think Angela Baez might be a mix of Angela Davis and Joan Baez. Who are known for their anti-death penalty activism.

**FART-P isn't a real act. Any search for it will result in the Patriot Act.

*** They don't have to reveal any charges that reveal informers or compromise national security...So, what weird dirt did the cult have on the government? SHIELD stuff?

*also not a real law as far as I can tell.

**No kidding.

*I don't think Scott was ever psychically controlled. I think from everything that we've seen his brain and body were bent to the will of the cult the old-fashioned way, by completely depriving him of anything outside of it and actively punishing him for seeking it out.

*could someone from the cult have found her and messed with her head to make her go crazy?

**Or so you thought? What made you think it?

**She wasn't pursued at all. These mental breakdowns were normal ones from the stress of the situation.

*Scott killed Sean?

**Also, she wasn't fucking joking about it being a lynch law, jesus christ.

*i don't know why that is the description Benway chose to use here. This is meant to be Kitty's semi-internal monologue and it's supposed to reflect some of her thoughts on things, so why is she thinking of George Washington Gein is an Irishman's impression of a Texan?

*George Washington Gein is nobody, i think his name is a reference to Ed Gein.

*They paid to watch a public execution. Like when people used to pay to watch someone getting fucking hanged.

**The bold blue text indicates their method of executing logan. This is why I've entitled this post "CLOWNSHOES".

*Circus Music Plays*

*CIRCUS MUSIC GETS LOUDER!*

So, to recap:

Scott gets shot. That's done.

Then they try to shoot logan with hollow point bullets while he's attached to an adamantium frame that's held up in the air by a crane.

They try again, bullet bounces off and hits a civilian.

I forgot to highlight it, but then they decided to drop the frame logan is in several times in the parking lot of the courthouse.

Drove a truck over logan.

People are screaming and puking looking at his torn up, but not dead body.

a doctor tries to test and see if he's dead and gets hurt

to "finish it quickly" they decide to roll him over with a steam roller.

God. Fucking damn.

It probably would have just been easier to throw his ass in a cell forever than to do all this shit. Everyone seems incompetent from the neck up.

Also, how did they get their hands on an Adamantium Frame and why use it for this? Just because Logan can't cut his way out of it?

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Listen, guys, cause I'm only gonna say this briefly because as we all know I don't pay attention to/want no information on NHL WAGs/players' relationships (with the exception of my future wives Karly Konecny and Kenzie Larkin, Kenzie and Karly - are you free on Saturday? I am free. Call me.)

What I want to say is: the NHL is so consistently the NHL in fucking up everything - and I mean EVERYTHING they do. In this case, it is absolutely hilarious that the one thing they fucked up was hard launching the new girlfriend of one of their most marketable and recognizable (and notably private re: his relationships) stars, and in doing so inadvertently exposed to her friends and the world some girl's long time bizarre catfish/grift in which she was playing his girlfriend and leading this amazing albeit totally made up romance with him.

Like, sometimes the NHL is so damn clownshoes it's downright cinematic.

As an aside, why do people still believe that in this day and age they can attempt a grift like this and really pull it off? That they won't get caught at some point? and an entire professional sports league being the one to expose you? That's the cherry on the shit sundae, no?