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#they are a tragic love story your honour
daughter-of-time · 4 months
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an openly gay american musical theatre actor playing a handsome queer time traveller from the future with a fake name and an invisible spaceship full of clutter, who has a charming smile that hides a tragic hidden back story and questionable morals but still looks good and he knows it, who loves old earth music and loves the doctor, despite a brief antagonist relationship upon first meeting him but withn an hour is willing to die for him, who falls so completely in love he kisses the doctor goodbye before he goes willingly to a heros end, sacrificing himself to save earth, to save the doctor's companion, to save the doctor himself.
your honour, I love him.
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foxedfriend · 3 months
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Your honour, what the “witness” fails to mention about the “attack” is that I only beat up the writer after they wrote a beautiful story of a queer character falling in love with their best friend over the better part of a decade, hint subtextually at it being requited, had the interviews and promotions of the media play into it and profit from queer viewers feelings… only to end it tragically and/or follow it up by writing the queer character a one dimensional love interest within the last few episodes, put nothing into the relationship, and have them be the endgame instead. Did I mention they yanked the fans around for YEARS?? Literally years. Almost a decade. Yeah. So. I plead self defence.
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alphabetboyluvr · 1 year
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HUSH | MYG - ONE
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pairing: rockstar!yoongi x female reader | mutual disdain - lovers (but also strangers - lovers? kinda?)
premise: in which you work for your brothers band by day and accidentally anonymously sext his bandmate on the regular by night! whoops !!
wc: 17.5k
for more details, pls see the master list (x)
hush is written in two formats: messaging transcripts and my regular writing style
warnings: we're sexting, straight off the bat!! love that for our hush couple!! allusions to sending nudes, mentions of blueballing lmao, sex toys, general masturbation malarky, mentions of ass play <33, they video call during finales (back camera only!!!), yoongi has a massive cock, like im talking humongous, so BIG (and factually accurate!!) they're switchy aka he tries dom and she's too much of a brat that he folds, he is whiney and needy and obsessed, and she enjoys that! you get to fill in the gaps as if you're really sexting him, lucky you <33 there's also exactly (1) near foot job, a needy jk, (1) banana milk mention, a playfight, miscommunication, a mysterious night that will never be mentioned in conversation. oh yeah and yoongi and you don't realise you're sexting one another ! oops!!!! yoongi is uncircumcised cause ik some people care about that?? just my preference when writing, imagine what u like! no *actual* smut in this one... just... much sexting!
before you read: please read these for a little context on the story - the app (x) and the band (x)
minors dni!!!
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New Hush Crush in your Secret Circle! D4m0cl3s
10:43PM
D4m0cl3s: hey, stranger
Cl3m3ntin3: well hello there how are you??
D4m0cl3s: i'm all good. yourself?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah, yeah, im all good just tryna figure out this damn app, lmao
D4m0cl3s: you new around these parts?
Cl3m3ntin3: i am indeed you've taken my secret circle virginity lucky you x
D4m0cl3s: oh shit well, i am honoured i can be your guide to all things hush x
Cl3m3ntin3: oh, i seeeeee an expert, are we? ;)
D4m0cl3s: just realised how tragic it is to be a self-proclaimed dating app expert, so... no not an expert just.... well versed?
Cl3m3ntin3: hahaha sureeee so, tell me, mr hush expert, how do these conversations usually go
D4m0cl3s: okay, 1: not an expert and 2: just general chit chat get an idea of what you're both looking for stuff like that
Cl3m3ntin3: 1: keep telling yourself that, babe and 2: what are you looking for?
D4m0cl3s: 1: calling me babe, already? score. 2: a girl who calls me babe.
Cl3m3ntin3: looks like my work here is done, then ;) seeeeeeya x
D4m0cl3s: no don't go stay i think we'll get along tell me what you're looking for
Cl3m3ntin3: a man who begs for my attention so looks like your work here is done, too ;)
D4m0cl3s: well, aren't we just a match made in heaven?
Cl3m3ntin3: hell* definitely a match made in hell
D4m0cl3s: you a sinner?
Cl3m3ntin3: would you like me to be?
D4m0cl3s: tempting... but no
Cl3m3ntin3: shame maybe we are after different things after all
D4m0cl3s: woaaah, i never said that i was just trying to be a gentleman take things slow be respectful
Cl3m3ntin3: it's anonymous, babe i didn't sign up for hush looking to be wined and dined or to be treated like a lady quite the opposite, actually so you don't need to worry about tarnishing your reputation, or whatever your secrets are safe with me ;)
D4m0cl3s: 1. i couldn't give a shit about my reputation and 2. it's just that people are on this app for different reasons don't wanna assume everyone is after the same thing
Cl3m3ntin3: 1. untouchable, are you? and 2. well, im pretty sure you know what i'm here for and if it's not abundantly obvious: nothing serious. it's late, and i'm bored. what's a girl to do in those kinds of situations? play all alone? boringgg. my cards are on the table, damocles you're up.
D4m0cl3s: untouchable...something like that and fine if you really wanna know i'm not looking for a girl to take home to my mother
Cl3m3ntin3: good mothers don't tend to like me all that much
D4m0cl3s: no?
Cl3m3ntin3: nah fathers on the other hand? fucking love me
D4m0cl3s: and you wonder why the mothers hate you?
Cl3m3ntin3: oh, no im fully aware it's because im the only thing that can get their husbands' perpetually flaccid cocks hard :)
D4m0cl3s: jesus christ you really are built for sin, aren't you?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh :) fancy a dance with the devil?
D4m0cl3s: not tonight but you've got me interested
Cl3m3ntin3: </3 can't believe you're blue balling me
D4m0cl3s: trust me im blue balling myself i've got an early schedule in the morning can't stay up all night entertaining some girl on a fucking app ;)
Cl3m3ntin3: okay 1: ouch, if anyone was doing the entertaining, it would be me and 2: prove it
D4m0cl3s: prove it?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh prove that you're blue balling yourself
D4m0cl3s: again, jesus christ you are something else
Cl3m3ntin3: thank you :D now... proof
D4m0cl3s: say please
Cl3m3ntin3: you want me to get down on my knees, too?
D4m0cl3s: would be appreciated
Cl3m3ntin3: fine
D4m0cl3s: watch your attitude, clementine
Cl3m3ntin3: sighhh hate you for this already >:( pretty please could you show me your cock so i know you're hard and not just lying &lt;;33
D4m0cl3s: see, that wasn't so hard, was it? good girl
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
Cl3m3ntin3: holy shit
D4m0cl3s: i might keep secrets, but i never lie let's talk tomorrow, alright?
Cl3m3ntin3: noted and tomorrow for sure sweet dreams, damocles x
D4m0cl3s: night night, clementine x
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[3 Months Later]  KSPO DOME  Seoul, South Korea
♪ // Hush - The Marías
"You'll choke if you're not careful – and how many times do I need to tell you? Put that damn phone away!"
If Park Jimin wasn't so warm in his tone with you—effervescent in his kindness, bubbling over like lightly shaken soda—you'd tell him to kiss your ass.
He stands in the doorway, a pretty smile on his plump lips. There's something about him—his eyes, you think—that subvert all his softness. Makes him quite the menace. If you hadn't been there to witness his high-school bowl cut era, you never would believed it had happened. He's too cool. It transcends his current being. Is effortless. 
In all black, a pair of Chelsea boots soundtrack his arrival no matter where he is. A little scuffed, he's in need of a new pair—but they'll be a post-show bonus treat. From Jimin, to Jimin. Congratulations on a job well done.
With a subtle roll of your eyes, you swallow down the blueberry you'd been holding between your teeth in a dingy backroom of Seoul's KSPO Dome—the venue of choice for The Scouts' final hometown show. The brickwork remains exposed, grey concrete blocks a dull backdrop for the catering tables.
"Sorry mum," you banter, even though you really shouldn't. There's a glint to your eyes beneath the awkward spotlighting that really isn't preferable for the buffet-style display behind you. Fruits, snacks, it's not a bad spread—but it's got nothing on the rider you know The Scouts ask for ahead of every show.
But why shouldn't they? What the boys want, the boys get – and they've worked damn hard to get it.
He nods towards the lanyard around your neck and reminds you of this, then holds up his.
Park Jimin, it reads. Senior Tour Manager.
"Not on the clock, trouble. I'm still your boss."
"And don't I know it," you offer him a smile, still not a huge fan of the dynamic the pair of you portray at work.
You've known Jimin since the tooth fairy was leaving coins under his pillow. It's sorta hard to take him seriously when you've experienced as much life together as you have.
The way he groans when you reach for yet another blueberry is testament to the friendship you share; the kind of found siblings written about in books but rarely found in reality. There's a sanctity there. He's got your back, and he knows you'll always pick up the slack when he needs you to.
For all your difficulties in the short-term, he knows you pull it out of the bag come the time results are needed.
Knocking the blueberry into your mouth with a grin, you use your tongue to toss it to your back teeth. It's a teeny tiny little fruit. You're pretty sure you could swallow it whole without repercussion.
In fact, the reason you were so engrossed in your phone is because you were about to start a discussion with a... friend about something else you could swallow, instead – but you won't tell Jimin that. He'd throw up, probably, and then it'd be your job to clean it up.
"Yeah, yeah," you nod, locking your phone and tucking it into your back pocket. "Sorry boss. Where do you need me?"
He narrows his eyes at your sarcastic use of formalities, but knows when to pick his battles with you. Instead, he knocks his head to the side and heads for the doorway, indicating for you to follow suit.
Just like he knows when to pick his battles with you, you also know when to pick yours with him.
"You've a job that people would likely kill for," he ribs, not really minding all that much. It's downtime between the off-stage rush, so there really isn't all that much to be doing—but you could at least pretend to make it look like you're working your ass off. "But you're too busy on your bloody phone. Head to hair and make-up. The next VCR segment is smaller so I need you in position pronto."
"Sure, sure," you nod like a bobbing head figurine, stealing a handful of blueberries from the catering table and heading on your way.
Jimin watches on with a curious sense of bewilderment. You're the best runner they have, by quite some margin, but also seemingly the one that's least eager to please—and by doing so, they seem to like you even more. It's an odd paradox, but it is one that you use to your advantage. Play a little dumb; wow them all when you continually and quite impressively exceed their expectations. Work smarter, not harder.
It's a work ethic that runs in the family. They shouldn't be surprised by it, not really.
The corridor you head down is flanked by sterile white lights. The only thing that's brighter are the faux smiles of entertainment execs and slimy media men, who are all after their fifteen minutes of favour—because it's not fame they'll get by rubbing shoulders with the boys on stage; it's a boost up. Something to talk big about in board room meetings. 
A humble brag; a subtle flex, that is neither humble nor subtle.
Your lanyard taps against the buckle of your belt as you jog towards the stage. A cute little pat-pat-pat and jingle of keys from your beltloop soundtracks it, which you're thankful for. It covers the heavy breathing.
Just shy of the staircase leading up to the platform, which is almost shaking from the exertion of the performers on it, you hanger left into the room beside the dressing room.
While the dressing room is a dingy, theatrical maximalist's dream, the make-up department has a shell for a room. Bright white lights are overhead, to make sure the boys look amazing—which they always do regardless. Personally, you think this is all overkill. Takes away some of the authenticity. People swoon for The Scouts and the fact they're walking, talking hot messes. When the 'mess' is carefully applied with tiny brushes and kept in place with setting spray, it just doesn't hit the same.
Still, the fans are none the wiser, so who cares? Let them think Jeon Jungkook has flawless skin after an all-night bender.
Annoyingly, he normally does – but that's beyond the point.
"Here she is," Jinyu grins as you walk through the door with a little huff, immediately picking up a setlist by the door to fan your face.
Ethereal as usual, hair pulled back with a claw clip and a grown-out fringe framing her delicate features, Jinyu's mask pulled down to rest beneath her chin. A make-up brush is tucked behind her ear and half a dozen hair grips are biting onto the sleeve of her shirt, ready for the rush that will come with the next VCR break.
At least one of you is, you think.
She always is, though. Best of the bunch, she's the senior make-up artist, and has an example to lead by.
The rest of the make-up artists sit together in the far corner, nattering amongst themselves with far more animation than their hushed tones should really allow for. It's not an uncommon occurrence.
They like to pretend that they don't want anyone to know their business, but you've heard it all.
You could share, in quite some detail, how Jungkook likes to look at his regular make-up artist's lips whenever she's applying balm to his.
Apparently, the tension is 'off the charts', but he's 'too shy to do anything'. Always asks for balm, even when he doesn't need it. Or so she says.
You roll your eyes whenever you hear her brag about it, 'cause you've also heard the conversations that the boys have had behind closed doors. You know that if Jungkook is gonna be after any of the make-up artists, it's Jinyu—but the ring on her fourth finger and the toddler she sometimes brings to work on the quiet days is enough for him to stay away.
The lifestyles lived by The Scouts wouldn't allow for any of them to be playing 'Daddy'—though the girls who've squeezed into their tour bus bunks would probably beg to differ.
It's not just Jungkook who they like to gossip about—although he is the current flavour of the month, ever since he got that bloody lip ring.
In all honesty, you've heard so much shite about all five members that it's a miracle the girls still have jobs.
A new addition to the team since the overwhelming success of the last album run, the record label are keen on The Scouts keeping up their appearances. Gone are the days of sleeping in eyeliner and waking up with panda eyes—now it's carefully placed with precision beneath their tired lashlines, bloodshot eyes still bleary from the night before.
According to the last make-up room rumour mill, Tae is the type to send a late-night text to a handful of girls at once, just to see who bites (of which they all do, of course), and Yoongi is the type to sit silently in the make-up chair, only to make some absurdly unhinged comment as he leaves for the stage.
It's what they're talking about as you and Jinyu exchange glances with comically raised brows and wide eyes.
"Like, the whole time, he must have just been sat there, thinking about it," one of them swoons. "Didn't say a single word, and then just said 'your perfume smells nice, today,' as he was leaving."
The way they giggle makes your skin crawl. It's like they're constantly trying to one-up one another, using the men they work for as tools to do so – and you can't really blame them. As much as you may hate it, it's a man's world, especially in this industry. If you've gotta climb a few greasy poles to reach the top, then more power to those who choose to do so.
"He definitely spent the whole time thinking about it."
"What perfume are you wearing? I wouldn't mind him saying that to me..."
"God, he's such a dream boat."
"Something about him lately is just... ugh, off the charts. We need to stop styling his hair like that. It's too good."
You don't mean to be so judgemental – you've got a pair of eyes. Know exactly why they insist on giggling about their delusions.
Thing is, you can deal with the Jungkook gossip. Tae, Yoongi, Namjoon – whatever.
It's when they start talking about Jin and fail to hide the fact they're doing so that you're reminded of exactly why it grinds your gears so much.
In fact, quite frankly, you've a desire to pick up one of Jinyu's rattail combs and shove it into your ear. Would hope it'd impale your brain. You're not really sure how deep you'd have to go, but it would beat hearing them fawn over your older brother.
You've heard things being said about his hands that no younger sister should ever have to. Quite repulsive, actually.
Instead, you grimace, trying to gain back your breath following your sprint (of which Jimin would call a leisurely pace) up the corridor.
"Why does catering have to be so far from the dressing room?!"
Jinyu watches on with great amusement as you rest your hands on your knees, bending as if you've just run a 10k. Dramatics run in the family, or so it would seem.
"I dunno, babe," Jinyu purrs, her smile present just like it always is, voice a little extra loud to drown out the noise of the witches gathered in the corner. "Why was my favourite runner over in catering in the first place?"
You let your eyes narrow, her teasing grin only serving as a reminder that you really should know better than to keep on going back to the blueberry stash. It's not like you aren't allowed them. They'd all go to waste otherwise, so if anything, you're snacking on behalf of the company.
"You couldda just had them call one of the other runners back," you pout, knowing that it never would have been the case. She likes to make you work a little bit harder than the others, 'cause she knows you feel like you have more to prove.
Jinyu laughs, and passes you some hair grips to hook onto your sleeves for later. "You're the one who said you wanted to establish yourself! What was it you said at the start of these shows?"
You drop down onto the sofa next to her makeup station, tucking your legs up on the seat. The vibration of the music on stage pours through the walls at such a volume you're surprised you can even sustain a conversation.
"I'm gonna show them," Jinyu imitates with far more dramatic flair than you think is really necessary—but it is accurate. "I'll prove to them all that nepotism had nothing to do with me getting hired. Who, me?" She gasps."The baby sister of our very own World Wide Handsome? Hired because my brother pulled some strings? Never!"
"Fuck off," you laugh, tossing one of the sofa pillows towards her—but she catches it with ease because of course she does. Jinyu is everything you could ever aspire to be, hand-eye coordination included. The girls in the corner hush their conversation and begin to take an interest in your conversation. You ignore them, shrugging as you say, "It's not like I have a first-class degree in stage management or anything like that."
Sure, you have the qualifications—but you also aren't stupid. You know that the job is a favour amongst family. The job market these days is non-existent and while being Jin's sibling had afforded you a follower count worthy of an influencer, you need a purpose in life. It's no coincidence that you both showed an interest in the music industry—he's just far better suited to the performance side of it.
It would have been foolish to turn down the opportunity when Jin had mentioned it at a family dinner.
You're low-level, just a runner for now, but it's nice to be somewhere in which people don't give a shit about your famous brother. To most people here, he's a coworker, a colleague.
Outside of work, your entire personality to anyone you first meet is apparently being related to him. In all honestly, it's the same even in a professional capacity. Had started lying on your resume about your name, just so he wasn't the topic of conversation for all of your job interviews.
Remarkably, this is the only job that hasn't cared about him being your brother.
"Whatever you say. That's our cue. Off your arse," Jinyu says, her demeanour switching as the sound of the final chorus begins to simmer down. You don't need to be told twice, getting to your feet and into position beside her. "Can you be my right hand?"
♪ // Only Angel - Harry Styles 
"Sure," you nod, expecting nothing less. It's not much, just putting some hair grips in place while she touches up their stage makeup, and switching out brushes as and when she needs them. Just enough to be helpful without getting in her way.
The girls in the corner follow suit, standing behind their chairs, eager to see the men in all of their sweaty, worn-out glory. They've made no secret of their admiration, which is why Jinyu is such a breath of fresh air. A fair few years older than the boys, she's happily married and doesn't care to swoon over them.
Like a force of nature, The Scouts rumble into the room - lips ajar, chest heaving, hair damp with sweat. 
Jungkook is first, slamming his body down into one of the chairs, in dire need of something other than the piss-warm beer he's got up on stage. Tossing him a bottle of water from the countertop behind you, he catches it with ease. Smirks. Looks at you with all the adrenaline he's stolen from the eyes of the fans that adore him. Legs wide, bottle undone with one hand, there's a challenge to his gaze. Performing is a fuckin' drug to Jeon Jungkook - you just wish he didn't keep such a fucked-out look on that pretty face of his whenever he finishes. 
So yeah, maybe you do get why the girls chitchat in the way that they do. 
The rest of the band follow in, equally trashed, in the best possible way. Taehyung's shirt has miraculously lost all of its buttons, and Namjoon's T-shirt is now slung around his shoulders like a towel. His hair drips with sweat, arms swollen from the exertion of the last few days of shows. 
Behind them, Yoongi strolls with an air of arrogance he carries off ever so well. Indifferent. Just as covered in sweat, but without the entire body exhaustion the other Scouts are displaying. He's too cool for his own good. Doesn't look at you. Looks right through you. Asshole. 
And then finally, presumably because he was too busy flirting with the audience, the Scout Leader himself makes his grand entrance. Plastic cup in hand, he's nursing a Jack and Coke. Doesn't see the point in all this make-up malarky, when he knows he's just gonna sweat it off anyway. Would much rather actually take this time to recharge, even if just for a second. Thought that adding VCR's to shows would allow them more time for that, and is sorely disappointed by the reality of it.
"Fucking hell, has it been raining?" You deadpan when he slinks down into the chair opposite you and Jinyu. "Y'know, you should get some of those sweat-reduction botox injections. Would work wonders."
He looks at you with disdain that clearly tells you to fuck off. He stays silent. Kicks your shin, instead. You kick him right back.
"I swear the pair of you are worse than my two-year-old," Jinyu sighs as she drapes a towel around Jin's shoulders.
"Someone needs to humble him," you shrug.
"Someone needs to fire you," he says right back, not realising that Jinyu had passed you her hair mister, earning himself a spritz of water to the face.
Effective immediately, your hair mister privileges are taken away. Jinyu's pleasant smile looks almost stern as she takes it, putting it down on the dressing table with a thud.
"We've got three minutes," she reminds you.
"Sorry boss," you quip, not wanting her to actually get pissed off at you. There are certain liberties you can take, but you're supposed to be helping her, not a hindrance.
There's subdued energy in the room now that the boys have settled, not wanting to waste their fuel anywhere other than the stage. As you push grips into Jin's hair, ready for hairspray, you watch the room in the mirror view.
Taehyung is on his phone, not paying any attention to what's going on, his makeup artist working silently. Jungkook is patting down his own face with powder while his stylist teases his hair just right.
You look at him for a little too long, his eyes coming to meet yours in the mirror. Despite the pitch-black darkness of his irises, there's a lightness in his gaze—one that has your skin feeling all prickly and hot, eyes darting back down to Jin's hair.
You think you can hear him laughing to himself.
It's confirmed when Jimin waltzes into the room, clipboard in hand and asks, "What's got you giggling, Kook?"
He lies, and says he's thinking about his dog, Bam, just to save you from embarrassment.
You glance back up to where his eyes are already waiting for yours, brows lifted as he smirks. You make vague shapes with your mouth as if you're telling him to 'fuck off,' which only serves to make him laugh again, a little harder this time. He keeps it quiet, shoulders bobbing up and down, his smile magnetic.
It's all in good fun. There's been a running joke for years now that you'll date Jungkook just to piss off Jin.
You already know his make-up artist will twist that moment to her own liking, making up some bullshit about him laughing with her, but it's barely worth your energy.
Beside him, Jimin vies for attention from Yoongi, who looks like he's in need of a good nap. 
There's a sheen to his skin, sweat dripping down his neck thanks to his make-up artists failing to grab him a towel. You call for Jimin's attention, and once you have it, you chuck him one of the spare towels over your shoulder. He tilts his head in confusion, but when you nod towards Yoongi, he understands.
The towel is passed along, a simple 'hm?' from Yoongi to question where it came from. Jimin nods towards you, and Yoongi takes a second to observe what you're doing. You're not looking at him, because quite frankly, he intimidates you.
He never used to.
In fact, you used to get along quite well—but you're vaguely aware of the fact he doesn't approve of nepotism, and knows that the only reason you secured this job is because of Jin.
It makes you feel a little embarrassed. A little ashamed. None of the other boys seem to care, but it puts you on edge with Yoongi. You try extra hard—be extra diligent—with him. He seems to be the one you seek validation from the most, despite him being the one you interact with the least.
In the corner of the room, Taehyung and Namjoon discuss the next song. A change from yesterday's set, they've been switching up songs so that no one really knows what to expect next. Have to keep things fresh. Keep their names trending. Get those streams. Meet industry targets set by suits with no real understanding of what it means to make art.
It's admirable how much they cram into such little time. Masters of their craft, it's an honour to see them work. It's without a doubt that they've earned their success.
You kind of get why Yoongi is hesitant of you. You feel underqualified, as if you haven't worked hard enough to earn the role you've been given—but you have. You have the credentials. Jin opened the door for you, yes, but you're the one who had the key in the first place.
You're distracted by your thoughts when your phone buzzes in your back pocket. The vibration hums just a little bit longer than any of your other app notifications, so you know exactly what it is. Know who it is.
Kind of.
There's a little bit of bashful shame that washes over your features, fearful someone will hear the buzz and recognise its length—not that anyone would notice the soft purr in the back pocket of your jeans, cushioned by your ass. It's just as incognito as the man who's sending you a message is.
Your phone buzzes a few times. Seven, to be precise.
Needy, you think to yourself—but it pleases you. He never fails to disappoint.
Well, rarely. You've been waiting half an hour for a message from him, and it's so bloody typical that it would come through when you're finally busy.
"Positions!" Jimin calls from the corridor, letting the boys know their rest time is up.
Jinyu casts an authoritative eye over the boys, checking to make sure they all look okay before sending them on their way.
"Hair grip," she reminds Jungkook's stylist, who had left a tiny little clip in his fringe. She flusters, embarrassed at missing such a detail, but Jungkook just pulls it from his fringe without much care as he puts his phone back on its wireless charging port.
Namjoon follows suit, reminded that his phone was in his back pocket, tossing it on one of the dressing room tables. Yoongi tucks his phone into a bag by the sofa, and Tae does the same.
They file out in good spirits, hyping one another up for the final part of the show, staff patting their backs and cheering on words of encouragement. It's always bittersweet for them; their final performances are their favourites, but they're also the ones in which they know they'll be saying farewell—and no one likes goodbyes.
You watch with fondness as the stage-cam plays on the TV in the corner of the room. There's something about the five of them together, on stage, surrounded by an ocean of unadulterated love and affection, that feels like watching magic. It's the kind of thing that only happens once in a lifetime. You're thankful you get to witness it in all its glory. You'll probably watch the final few songs from the side of the stage, just to feel even an ounce of what the boys do.
Sinking back into the sofa, the scent of hot, sweaty men clouding the air, you pull your phone from your pocket—and sure enough, you're met with the notifications you've been hoping for.
New Secret from D4m0cl3s D4m0cl3s: late shift tonight, sorry one of the girls on my team made a joke about how tense i seem to be said i need to get laid... i told her she needs to mind her own fucking business but... it also got me thinking about you i finish in an hour give me a reason not to go out and get laid
You smile, as the heat that pricked at your skin when Jungkook caught your eye earlier that evening returns.
Part of you toys with the idea of 'what if it's him?' His phone is face down on its charger, all of his secrets hidden from the world.
Part of you hopes it is, just for the knowledge of it irritating the fuck out of Jin and the girls who are sat in the corner, gossiping about his giggling earlier.
Realistically, you know it's not. It's impossible.
You've been sent enough pictures from your Damocles boy of his hands doing unthinkable things to know it can't be Jungkook. They're free of ink, pristine and pale, a little pink in their tone, and the only clue you have of who the fuck you spend so much time talking to.
"Where are you off to now?!" Jinyu asks as you head for the door, somehow surprised that you're dipping again.
"Catering," you lie, knowing full well you're going to find somewhere private enough to give your Damocles boy exactly what he's after.
"You'll turn into a blueberry," she warns you. You hold back a laugh, and resist the urge to tell her that what you're actually about to turn into is a clementine.
There are half a dozen doors down the corridor, but you slide into the first storage cupboard you come across. It's empty, and there's a lock on it, which is all you really need.
If you'd have stayed in the dressing room, it would have been a tomato you turned into, instead. Your cheeks would flush scarlet red, just like they did when the familiar purr of a Hush notification chimed far too loudly for something that's supposed to be all about keeping secrets.
You'd take a second. Wouldn't want to check your own phone, 'cause then all the girls would know you'd received a message from a hook-up app.
But you're not in the room. Nor is your phone.
And they all hear it regardless.
The girls who gossip pause, wondering if they've all heard the same thing. Jinyu is oblivious, happily married and unaware of what Hush even really is, let alone the vibrate tone.
One, two, three messages ping their way from your phone to his, but you're none the wiser. Haven't got a clue.
It's been three months, and neither one of you has any desire to disclose your identity to the other. You're serving a purpose; fulfilling a need.
Why ruin a good thing?
You aren't 'good', nor opposed to being ruined—but that's neither really here nor there. You've got a system that works, and it would be foolish to change things now.
You return to the dressing room, unaware that your phone isn't the only device within those four walls littered with pictures of your bare chest. In fact, everyone is unaware. It's your own little secret that you don't even realise you're keeping, and one that you intend on taking to the grave.
"No blueberries?" Jinyu asks as you return empty-handed.
"Got distracted," you lie, as you settle back into the sofa, a pleasant air surrounding you. On the screen, the boys are laughing, indulging in the energy of their fans for the final time that evening.
"By?" she presses, curious as to why you're looking all smitten as you watch the screen.
It's got nothing to do with any of them.
Or so you think.
It's actually got a whole lot to do with one of them.
You just don't realise it yet.
And so you simply shrug, and say, "Secret."
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"C'mon," Jungkook grins, eyes still swathed by the glow of mobile phone flashlights held up during the encore, even a whole thirty minutes after the show is over. He tugs on your arm, but you remain fixed in place, shaking your head. "We're all going, aren't we?"
The question is addressed to the boys, but he's still looking at you. You wish he wouldn't. Not when he looks like that.
His lips are wet, freshly licked, glistening like his silver lip ring, and his hair is still a little damp around the nape of his neck. There's something about him that looks a lot like magic. It's a wonder you haven't fallen under his spell.
"Uh-huh," Jin nods, tossing back the dregs of his final jack and coke. He's not yet run the rider dry, but it doesn't matter. He'll take the bottle with him, and wherever they end up won't turn them away, for they know he'll buy more – though the bar will likely comp it through. "You can ride with me."
Jungkook's grin widens. He loves it when a plan comes together.
♪ // No Shame - Five Seconds of Summer
"C'mon," Jungkook says again. Is quiet in his tone. Persuasive. "I'll miss you if you're not there."
"Is that supposed to make me feel a certain type of way?" You deadpan. "Try it on one of the makeup girlies. They'll eat it right up."
"Don't wanna try it on one of them," he whines a little, nudging his shoulder against yours. "It's our final show. We're celebrating."
"Your final show," you remind him. "I've got a gig next week. Some European group-"
"Don't care," he says. "You're ours for the night. Come party."
You roll your eyes back so hard it feels like you might have just seen your frontal lobe, but there's a smile on your lips, too. It's nice to feel wanted; appreciated. 
The invite isn't extended to the make-up artists, who are busy packing away, hoping that Jungkook's neediness will shift to them instead. It won't, but they can keep dreaming.
"If I come - and it's a strong if - you're paying," you bargain.
All you really want is to get home as quickly as you possibly can. Had even considered ordering a taxi before the boys had finished their set, but knew Jimin would have a field day with that one. Might even dock your pay just to be a little git.
You've a date with your phone, but the draw of real life is just too tempting.
It's difficult, because you know that you should want to go out, want to celebrate the fact you can actually go out now that the shows are done... but a random dude sending dick pics somehow seems to be more appealing. 
It's tragic, really. Something that you never wanna have to explain. You think you'd rather die. Are shameful of your shamelessness. Ironic.
And right on time, a buzz in your back pocket rumbles through you like a crack of lightning; burns your cheeks a pretty posy pink. 
Jungkook's ignorance of your reaction is a blessing. You're not sure how you would've explained it away - though knowing Jungkook, he'd have used your blush to wind Jin up. Attribute it to himself. Play into the idea of you hooking up with him.
It's not like you've never considered it – but lately, it's been hard to 'consider' anyone other than your Damocles boy.
You're reminded of him now – his thick, pink knuckles, and his notably thicker, marginally less pink cock- and how he said that someone on his team told him he needed to get laid. You can't help but think the same for yourself. 
It's not healthy, the way you're so drawn to the excitement a few pixels can give you. Is stopping you from living your real life.
There's an unease in your stomach; guilt, almost.
So you groan, knock your head back, and concede. "Fine!"
"Attagirl!" Jungkook beams as he pulls his phone from his pocket, checking the time and pushing it back into his jeans again. He reaches over for his bag, the scent of his aftershave catching you off guard. There's something about him... Something you know you should ignore, but are finding harder and harder to do so with each and every passing day. "We good to go?"
"Who else is coming?" You hum, heading to the coat rack to pick up your jacket. Tae is leaning against the door frame, shaking his head.
"Not me. Got a date with my bed," he says, ending his sentence with a yawn. He covers it with the back of his hand, but it's so loud you almost find yourself yawning too.
"Pussy," Jungkook scoffs. "Final show and-"
"Me either," Yoongi says as he walks past, not looking in your direction. The jacket that hangs around his broad shoulders is dark, just like his mood always seems these days.
You're not exactly sure when he decided that you weren't worthy of his time, but you're used to it now. Sucks, but such is life. He's always been a little like this, but it's your first time being on the receiving end of his coldness.
"Hot date with your bed?" You tease, hoping to get a little bit of warmth from him.
As he reaches the door, it surprises you both when he turns to look at you. There's a stillness to him; the slow evaporation of cloudy breaths in sub-zero temperatures. His eyes meet yours, and drop down your body. Pause when they land on your palms, and the phone that's being held in them.
His gaze returns to your eyes, fast quicker this time, and then he shrugs. "Yeah, something like that."
He doesn't wait for a reply. You don't intend on giving him one, either.
"And then there were 5," Jungkook sighs. "Fuck it, let's go."
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STAIRWAY BAR Itaewon-ro, Yongsan-Gu
♪ // Heaven and Back - Chase Atlantic
There's something sordid about the place you're in. Could be the neon lights on the walls, could be the walls lined with stacks upon stacks of old vinyl records. Could be the birdcages where lampshades should be, or it could be the worn-out leather sofas you're on in the corner of the room. Could be the punters, and how they're all wrapped in their own personal brand of sin, too busy to notice the living legends walking amongst them.
Truthfully, it's why the boys like places like this. They become one with the shadows. Can hide. Do things in secret that other people do in public. It's not like they're actively looking for trouble, but they can't help but seem to find it. Whether it be women, drugs, booze, it doesn't matter – they've each got a kryptonite.
Regretfully, you know Jin's: women who are no good for him. Blonde, brunette, foreign, local, he doesn't give a shit. All that matters is they know who he is, and they want him in inexplicable ways.
Credit where it's due, they all have conviction. All get exactly what they want – but he's easy. Sluts himself out for the fun of it; for the novelty of being a 'rockstar'.
It's gotten worse since their last big award show win. He's getting careless. Has never been one to hand out NDAs, but the kind of people he's attracting now really should have gag orders – issue is, Jin's always far more focused on finding out how sensitive their gag reflex is.
Namjoon's is his inability to say 'no'. Afterparty? He's there. Toke on a joint that has no business being in the hands of such a high-profile man? Go on, then. An upper before a show? Don't mind if I do.
It's a disaster waiting to happen. Anywhere else and you wouldn't worry. In the States, it'd be a non-issue. Expected, even.
The laws aren't so forgiving, here. One bad decision and that's it. Jail time. But sir, I'm a rockstar, pwetty pwease let me go, won't work on a court judge, and even if it did, the court of public opinion and trial by social media would run him into the ground regardless.
Unfair? You think so, yes. Just how life goes? Also yes.
Though they all push the limits to a certain extent, it's Jungkook that's the biggest risk of all. He's the youngest. Got girls lining around the block just to have a look at him. Is bad in a way that girls convince themselves is good. I can fix him. All starry-eyed and sex appeal, there's nothing innocent about him. Nothing.
S'why you know better than to indulge in his flirt – because that's all it ever is. A limit to push. A boundary to break. A challenge he wants to win.
In quite the contrast, Taehyung keeps his boundaries watertight. Doesn't stray, doesn't overindulge. Goes home to a partner who'd give him the world, if he asked – but he won't. See, Kim Taehyung already has the world. Not his career (though it could be argued), not his money, not his fame. They're perks, sure – but his world waits up for him with his favourite snacks on the kitchen counter, ready to hear all about the show.
It's only the close circle that knows. The make-up girls don't have a clue. Jinyu is well aware, but not because it's ever been discussed. She just knows. Is intuitive, like that. Probably knows more about the boys' business than even Jimin does – and it's his job to know their business.
Though the boys would argue that Yoongi has no weakness, you believe otherwise.
His Achilles heal is found in his solitude. His laissez-faire attitude to the world around him stunts his enjoyment of it, you think. He's never gonna be in his twenties in the biggest band in the world ever again. These days will pass him by, and he's wasting them.
If he were to know you felt this way, he wouldn't dignify you with a response; he'd just show up to even fewer events to spite you. Has no interest in your unsolicited opinions of him.
Because you're wrong about his weaknesses.
While yes, his solitude exacerbates them, it's the silence that nurtures his weaknesses: his regrets. His inability to forget. Forgive. Let things go. He fixates, and it frustrates him to the point of fury.
His kryptonite is not how little he cares. Quite contrary. It's how violently he does care. That's what ties his shoelaces together and trips him up. Gives him a bloody nose. Scrapes his knees. Leaves him bloodied and bruised; pink in his pain.
But that's your kryptonite: your cocksure arrogance in thinking you know everything.
Or at least, that's what Yoongi would tell you, if he were ever to get into this debate with you.
He won't.
Again, you'll think it's because he's laissez-faire. That he doesn't care.
Regretfully, you'll be wrong – but he's the one who simmers over regrets, not you.
"Alright, alright!" You laugh, a little unsteady on your feet as you stand up after god-knows how many shots. Namjoon reaches out to steady you. Glances at Jin as if to say, 'kids, eh?'
You're all fucked. Have had far too much, but you figure that's what nights like these are for – who cares? You're celebrating.
Jin just smiles. Rolls his eyes, then averts his attention to the blonde by the bar who's gonna take your seat as soon as you leave.
Jungkook doesn't notice, cause he's too busy laughing at you.
"Just gonna run to the bathroom," you declare, as if they need to know such details. "Need to pee."
"Bathrooms just round the other side of the projector screen," Jimin tells you, nodding in its direction, 'cause even though it's after hours and he's far too heavily intoxicated, he can't help but be resourceful. That's his kryptonite. Can never switch off. "Just up the stairs."
It's not even like you need direction. Have been to this bar more times than you've had hot dinners.
Jungkook laughs. Thinks you're full of shit. 
"Your tolerance is going down in your old age," he teases, as if you're not the same age. "Tactical chunders are for the weak."
You tell him to go fuck himself, and he laughs, all hearty and warm.  "Gladly."
Their chatter continues without you. The blonde joins, and so does her friend. Someone's getting lucky tonight, and you're pretty sure it'll be all four of them. Thoughts you'd rather not think, honestly.
Teeny tiny is the bathroom. Cramped. A single cubicle is in working order and the hot tap has been broken for as long as you've been visiting this place. It definitely violates some health and safety codes, but who really gives enough of a shit to report it?
Holding your fingers beneath the already running tap, you check the temperature – as if the hot tap even works – and wait for a moment just to be sure. Icy cold, as always.
Lost in the sensation of the water, you forget for a moment why you're there.
While yeah, you could have a drink from the tap, you could have just gotten water at the bar.
Brain all fuzzy, you can't put your finger on it - until your phone vibrates in your back pocket.
And then suddenly, you remember exactly why you're in the bathroom.
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11:37PM
D4m0cl3s: fuck, you look so good such a tease i'll be home as soon as i can be been thinking about you all night
11:58PM
i'm home let me know when you're free
00:16AM
you're taking your precious time tonight
00:21AM
what's the deal, huh? tryna get me all frustrated?
00:23AM
it's working
00:39AM
damn maybe that girl on my team was right maybe i should have just gone out and got laid tonight
01:05AM
really? even me being an asshole isn't working? is it compliments you want? you know i'll give you them
01:28AM
okay so i actually am a bit worried now, let me know when you're home safe, m'kay?
Cl3m3ntin3: you know what they say treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen
D4m0cl3s: FINALLY
Cl3m3ntin3: damn, you really are keen aren't you
D4m0cl3s: you were gone so long i was thinking about watching porn PORN you know how long it's been since i watched porn?
Cl3m3ntin3: if my calculations are correct, about 3 months?
D4m0cl3s: ... you're smart, clem but also so mean, my god got me all riled up and kept me waiting HOURS
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm sorry i'm here now and i'm thinking about you, too
D4m0cl3s: are you still out? at work?
Cl3m3ntin3: uh-huh out not at work, tho
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D4m0cl3s: fucking hell, clem your tits look so good come here wanna hold them
Cl3m3ntin3: give me an address and i'll get in a taxi right now we can keep the lights off, never have to see each other keep things anon but i gottaaaa feel your hands on my chest
D4m0cl3s: i wish i could wish i could just fuck you like we both know you deserved to be fucked
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm not stopping you
D4m0cl3s: we both know that isn't entirely true
Cl3m3ntin3: do we? give me an address doesn't have to be yours hotel sex is always fun
D4m0cl3s: i have a feeling all sex with you will be fun location is irrelevant
Cl3m3ntin3: well i'm currently in a bathroom stall hiding from my friends just so i can reply to you you reckon a bathroom stall would be fun?
D4m0cl3s: i reckon i love a challenge
Cl3m3ntin3: well i mean i could always send you my current location...
D4m0cl3s: tempting... but no.
Cl3m3ntin3: you're your own worst cock block, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: it's called deprivation, baby yanno, kind of like what you did when you kept me waiting for hours gonna make you want me so badly it hurts
Cl3m3ntin3: i already do which is why you should come and put me out of my misery
D4m0cl3s: you're with your friends, you're fine ;) actually you drinking?
Cl3m3ntin3: a little
D4m0cl3s: a little?
Cl3m3ntin3: ...a lottle?
D4m0cl3s: the fact you just said lottle tells me all i need to know lmao you know the drill, clem
Cl3m3ntin3: :((((( noooooo
D4m0cl3s: stop pouting
Cl3m3ntin3: i can't :(((
D4m0cl3s: you can i meant what i said about no drunk messages only want you doing this when your head is clear
Cl3m3ntin3: my head is clear and my head thinks you should stop thinking with yours actually start thinking with your dick instead :)
D4m0cl3s: fine then let's see how clear your head is send me a video of you walking in a straight line
Cl3m3ntin3: you just wanna see my feet perv
D4m0cl3s: video
Cl3m3ntin3: fineeee, fucking fine!
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D4m0cl3s: oh yeah fuck that clem, you're pissed as a fart hahaha i'm not even sure you tried to walk in a straight line, you wobbly mess cute laugh tho get some water in you go back to your friends we can talk in the morning
Cl3m3ntin3: but i wanna talk now :( missed u today
D4m0cl3s: missed u too will miss you tonight but i'll wait
Cl3m3ntin3: :( whyyy do you have to be so good all the time :(
D4m0cl3s: because we both know that the second you send me a picture of your perfect little pussy, i won't be good
Cl3m3ntin3: now?
D4m0cl3s: no, baby in the morning, okay? drink some water.
Cl3m3ntin3: fine
D4m0cl3s: watch your attitude
Cl3m3ntin3: sighhh :((
D4m0cl3s: don't you'll make me feel bad just get yourself home and to bed and you can wake up to this tomorrow...
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Cl3m3ntin3: BRB, sprinting home
D4m0cl3s: shut up idiot enjoy your night lemme know when ur home
Cl3m3ntin3: okay :( sweet dreams, damocles boy x
D4m0cl3s: speak soon, clemmie x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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08:58AM
D4m0cl3s: morning clemmie
Cl3m3ntin3: hereee he is was wondering when you'd be up
D4m0cl3s: been up ages was wondering if today would finally be the day you message me first ;)
Cl3m3ntin3: why would i ever do that? we both know you can't bear to be away from this chat thread for more than a few hours
D4m0cl3s: your ego never fails to amaze me
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm a product of your creation, damocles boy you told me last week that i'm the only thing that gets you hard these days and you expect me not to get an ego?
D4m0cl3s: hope you know that when i actually get to fuck you, there's no room in my bed for your ego
Cl3m3ntin3: oh bite me you're gonna be putty in my hands
D4m0cl3s: i'm really gonna have to fuck the ego out of you, aren't i? get your little attitude problem in check and biting? you into that?
Cl3m3ntin3: i'd like to see you try like i said, this is aaaaall your fault if you can't control yourself over a message thread, how the fuck will you cope when I'm in front of you? and pls i'm gonna be the one fucking you it's cute that you think otherwise stupid <33 but cute :)
D4m0cl3s: i literally hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: you gonna hate me when im on my knees between your legs?
D4m0cl3s: yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i run my tongue up and down that pretty cock of yours?
D4m0cl3s: yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i wrap my lips around your tip? when i take your hard cock in my warm, wet mouth?
D4m0cl3s: yep and yep
Cl3m3ntin3: gonna hate me when i take you so deep my eyes start watering?
D4m0cl3s: uh-huh
Cl3m3ntin3: you're a tough bargainer :(
D4m0cl3s: just means im gonna fuck you like i hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: no you're not :) you're gonna be soooo shy so timid so scared of fucking up because of how badly you want me
D4m0cl3s: the way you're gonna eat your fucking words actually makes me laugh
Cl3m3ntin3: i wanna hear your laugh
D4m0cl3s: you can hear it when you finally fuck me
Cl3m3ntin3: i could have fucked you last night you said no &lt;//3
D4m0cl3s: incorrect i said not when you're drunk
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm a good fuck when im drunk
D4m0cl3s: i'm pretty sure you're a good fuck regardless of your blood alcohol concentration i've seen how you fuck your toys i know you're a good fuck
Cl3m3ntin3: like this?
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D4m0cl3s: just like that fuck that's it, baby i like that toy what is it? glass? always looks so good when you sink it into your pussy so so wet, fucking hell
Cl3m3ntin3: glass, uh-huh you should get one for yourself
D4m0cl3s: myself?
Cl3m3ntin3: yourself
D4m0cl3s: i'm not sure that's my kinda thing, clemmie
Cl3m3ntin3: only one way to find out plus i remember how hard you came that time i got you to play with your ass a little
D4m0cl3s: shut up omg
Cl3m3ntin3: seeeeee, i'm totally gonna be the one doing the fucking :D
D4m0cl3s: you're not touching my ass
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm gonna eat it :)
D4m0cl3s: you're gonna do no such thing
Cl3m3ntin3: hehe okay whatever you say :D can't wait to say i told you so when you're face down ass up whining about how good my tongue feels :D
D4m0cl3s: and this is exactly why you need the ego fucked out of you never gonna happen
Cl3m3ntin3: you'll be begging for it one day but fineeeee, if u say so tell me how you'd do it, then? how would you fuck the ego (that you gave me!!!) outta me? tell me how you'd ruin me, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: show me your pussy first let me look at how wet you are right now
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D4m0cl3s: god, look at you if this is how wet you get thinking about eating my ass... we can put it on the maybe list but you'd be on your back, like you are now exactly like that, perfect and spread for me i'd start with my fingers
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these two i'll push them into you so slowly that you'll be begging for more you'll be all whiney (so no change to normal lmao) but i'll curl them a little, just like you said you like it, and use my thumb to toy with your clit
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: fuck i love it when you send videos i could watch that forever literal cinema the way your pussy leaks for me, christ i wouldn't be able to watch your pussy leak like that without licking it up i'd keep my thumb on your clit, gently circling it as my tongue began to toy with your entrance you'd be so leaky on my tongue wouldn't you? so so fuckin' wet for me
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
it's mutual, just so you know
Cl3m3ntin3: god i fucking love it when your tip gets all wet like that you are soooooo needy you wanna fuck me soooooo bad he he i stay winning!!!
D4m0cl3s: CLEM. CONTROL. YOUR. EGO!!
Cl3m3ntin3: FUCK. IT. OUT. OF. ME!!!!
D4m0cl3s: your ego is so big i think i'll just have to fuck you for hours at this point :/
Cl3m3ntin3: oh no :( such a shame !!! :(
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: just imagine this stretching your tight little pussy open my cock is so much bigger than that dildo
Cl3m3ntin3: can't wait to feel you inside me i know it's gonna hurt but in like... the best possible way you're so big and thick such a nice cock ♡♡
D4m0cl3s: i'll go slow with you baby ease you into it
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
Cl3m3ntin3: you've got me soooo wet i think it'll be easy to push into me fill me up
D4m0cl3s: my needy girl look at you my cock belongs inside you your pussy already belongs to me
Cl3m3ntin3: come and claim it
D4m0cl3s: you're making it harder and harder to say no fuck im close
Cl3m3ntin3: same i wanna watch you cum
D4m0cl3s: fuck it i'll call? we can finish together?
Cl3m3ntin3: please
Incoming call from D4m0cl3s Accept | Decline (03 minutes : 14 seconds)
Call ended.
Cl3m3ntin3: nice work
D4m0cl3s: pleasure doing business
Cl3m3ntin3: as always i totally heard that little giggle tho ;)
D4m0cl3s: fuck off what giggle
Cl3m3ntin3: the one you did after you came all over your tummy :)♡♡
D4m0cl3s: never giggled in my life ever
Cl3m3ntin3: liar x
D4m0cl3s: i only laughed cause you did too >:(
Cl3m3ntin3: and i only laughed cause of how hard you made me cum you've got a gift, damocles boy
D4m0cl3s: and you've got the nicest pussy i've ever seen in my whole entire life
Cl3m3ntin3: you have to use a dating app to get your rocks off deffo a virgin :/ never seen a pussy before in your life :/ not much competition to compare me to, is there? :/
D4m0cl3s: i really do mean it when i say i hate you :) x
Cl3m3ntin3: i know you do babe
D4m0cl3s: wish we were never matched, actually
Cl3m3ntin3: same might just block you actually
D4m0cl3s: PLEASE put me out of my misery
Cl3m3ntin3: okay :D bye forever :D
D4m0cl3s: wait no don't :(
Cl3m3ntin3: you're a bloody seesaw boy always up and down either hate me or love me make up your mind !!
D4m0cl3s: lmao you've no idea but where's the fun in that? i like keeping you on your toes
Cl3m3ntin3: true i gotta run tho got a date with a real boy seeyaaaa x
D4m0cl3s: wooooah wait wait a date?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah with someone in like.. real life... problem?
D4m0cl3s: no problem just surprised that's all
Cl3m3ntin3: that someone would want to date me?
D4m0cl3s: no that you'd want to date someone else
Cl3m3ntin3: breaking news: girl in her early twenties wants more than nudes from a stranger on the internet
D4m0cl3s: fair enough probably shouldn't continue this, then a heads up would have been nice
Cl3m3ntin3: you wanna stop?
D4m0cl3s: no no, i really don't, clem but you're right you do deserve more
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah i do
D4m0cl3s: i actually hate this wtf like i know you can do what you like and i can do what i like but i thought we had something good going?
Cl3m3ntin3: we do thank god i'm just lying about a date for attention :) &lt;3
D4m0cl3s: what the fuck clem
Cl3m3ntin3: made you shit your pants didn't i
D4m0cl3s: CLEM.
Cl3m3ntin3: DAMOCLES BOY.
D4m0cl3s: so you're not going on a date?
Cl3m3ntin3: no you idiot you think i have enough time to be meeting new people when i spend all my free time sending you nudes? was just fucking with you wanted to see if you cared
D4m0cl3s: you could have just asked
Cl3m3ntin3: you'd have told me you hate me
D4m0cl3s: BECAUSE I DO you're actually mental
Cl3m3ntin3: he he u luv it
D4m0cl3s: i don't
Cl3m3ntin3: do basically started crying when you thought someone else might take your place
D4m0cl3s: you didn't even give me a chance to clean myself up you fucking menace !! just made me cum and then did a 180 what did you expect me to do?! you know how sad my dick looks right now?
Cl3m3ntin3: no show me
D4m0cl3s: get fucked you little cretin
Cl3m3ntin3: let me see your sad cock :(
D4m0cl3s: you're never seeing it again you don't deserve it after that little stunt
Cl3m3ntin3: so... ill see it tonight?
D4m0cl3s: .... .......... ............... probably now fuck off i've got a day to get on with might even go on a date
Cl3m3ntin3: no you won't :D
D4m0cl3s: i hate you x
Cl3m3ntin3: denial x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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"Jesus Christ," you say, tone full of surprise when you walk into your living room. It's just gone midday, and you've finally risen from your hangover pit of despair.
Following the conversation with your Damocles boy, you had decided a nap was in order, but it only served to make your headache even worse. Turns out, the orgasm had just been a temporary solution. You need paracetemol, and you need it now.
"Jimin, actually," an equally hungover mess groans from your sofa. He's bundled in blankets, a pouty chin hooked over the armrest to look at you with puppy dog eyes. His expression screams 'water pls'.
"And Jungkook," a second voice whines from behind the sofa. A hand rises from the direction of the voice, covered in thick black inkings, before falling with a thud.
Your lips hang ajar as you look at them both, far more confused than you should be. When you glance over to the kitchen counter, you're greeted with the sight of what must have been a rager. There are bottles everywhere - mainly soju and beer - and there's a sticky sheen pooling around their bases. A packet of crisps is open on the hob, but most of the actual crisps are scattered on the floor. You're willing to bet good money on Jungkook being responsible for those.
"The fuck happened last night?" You ask, though you're able to pick up enough context clues from the photobooth pictures that are on your fridge door. They're stuck in place with washi tape, of which you don't remember buying.
"You didn't buy it," Jungkook says when you ask about it. "Stole it from the photobooth place. Little klepto."
"Brilliant," you grimace. The last thing you need is a scandal going around about Kim Seokjin's troublesome younger sister and her thieving ways. The media love a scandal, and Jin has been able to avoid them for the most part. "Joon and Jin?"
"Headed home before us," Jimin tells you. "Really don't remember a thing, do you?"
The last thing you remember is messaging your Damocles boy in the bathroom stall. You don't even really remember how the conversation ended. The rest of the night? Never happened, in your mind.
Still reeling, the day wastes away from you all.
It's spent huddled up on your sofa, Jungkook's Spotify connected to your speaker, as you try and decipher exactly what happened the night before. It's like you're the cast of a shitty Hollywood movie from 10 years ago - nothing makes sense, but it also kind of all does. Jungkook's got the least patchy memories. Remembers how you got home, at least.
There's only one thing he doesn't mention - partially because it happened this morning, not last night, but also because he wants to spare your dignity.
He's a light sleeper. Especially the mornings after a few too many drinks. As soon as the alcohol flushes his body, he has to get up, get water, go to the bathroom. Set his world to rights. This morning had been no exception.
Just a shame he happened to wake a mere matter of moments before your Damocles boy had called you.
No words had been spoken, no conversation took place - but with your phone angled awkwardly for prime shots of your most intimate areas, you had moaned a little louder than usual to make sure the mic picked it up.
And so Jungkook had heard it all - and had recognised the click of a Hush call coming to an end. He's had more than enough himself to know the tone by now.
Watching on as you laugh with Jimin about something nonsensical, mid-afternoon sun pouring through the cracks in your curtains, Jungkook is curious.
You don't notice the way he's studying you, nibbling on his lip ring as he does so.
The running joke between the pair of you about dating to piss off Jin has always been exactly that - a joke - but the idea of you dating someone else in the industry makes him feel a little... off.
He doesn't question it, though. Doesn't really know what to make of it. Doesn't like it, mind you.
As the evening begins to draw in, Jimin leaves first, with Jungkook set to follow suit half an hour later. He tells you he'll leave at 6, but he's still on your sofa when it hits 7:05PM.
"There's something about you lately," he says, scheming, dark eyes narrow. You narrow yours back right back.
"How so?"
"Dunno," he smiles. He wants to ask who you're fucking about with, but it seems too forward. You're close, and have been for years, but not as close as you used to be. His fault, really. He's the one who ditched you when he started dating some songwriter a few years back. "You just seem... preoccupied. What's going on with you, fizz?"
The nickname is so natural that it rolls off Jungkook's tongue as if he hadn't stopped calling you it around the same time he got that girlfriend. She didn't last long, but the slight chill to your friendship had.
"Haven't heard that in a while," you smile right back, as you take a sip on the fizzy orangade that you adore so much it had become a bloody nickname.
"Still suits you," he says, and he's right. Fizzy by name, fizzy by nature. "So you gonna tell me?"
You're not really sure what he wants you to say, so just shrug. "I'm fine, buddy. Are you okay?"
"I'm cool," he nods, aware of the fact you definitely don't want to talk about whatever it is going on with you - so he changes topic. "Nervous about tour, if I'm being honest. You're coming, right? Been contracted on?"
"Uh-huh," you nod. "For the European leg, at least. They haven't sent out contracts yet for the US leg."
"You'll be on it," he says with absolute certainty. He can't see any reason why you wouldn't be. They all like having you around. It's nice having a familiar face backstage. Nice having a friend.
"Hopefully," you agree, very aware that your job is incredibly sought after. You're not the only nepotism baby around, and know that the US leg will be a lot more... political, as it were. Record label execs will all be fighting for attention from the boys, and that could mean putting overqualified suits in job positions like yours, just for a little bit of Scout exposure.
"You really think they're gonna kick you off the roster?" he smiles, nudging you with his foot from across the sofa. "We'd all riot. Even Yoongi."
Now that is something you doubt.
"He'd probably be leading the counter-riot to have me kicked off," you roll your eyes.
"He's just pissy that he can't be annoyed with you," Jungkook laughs. "He wants to hate how you got hired, but he knows you're good at what you do. Knows that you'd have got the job with or without your bloodline."
"Or," you counter. "He really does just hate me."
Jungkook shakes his head. He's noticed Yoongi's coldness recently, too. Puts it down to stress from touring so intensely. Things were definitely different than they used to be - not necessarily any better, nor worse. Just different.
"It's understandable," Jungkook taunts you. "You are pretty unbearable."
He catches your foot as you go to kick him, surprised by how strong your legs actually are - but you're no match for his upper body strength. Not even when you try and use your other leg, as well.
"Some boys actually enjoy my company," you protest, still struggling a little.
"Uh-huh," Jungkook nods, biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes are sparkling in the same way they did after last night's concert. He's just messing, flirting with you for the fun of it, but he knows he shouldn't. Knows he's only doing it cause he knows you're talking to someone else. He's lost your affections before, and while you're just friends, he still doesn't like the idea of it happening again. He likes being number one. Likes being top of the food chain. "Sure they do."
He thinks he has the upper hand here, but he hasn't realised you've stopped fighting against his grip. You're gentle in the way you move your legs, lowering them just a little until they're on his lap. He lets them be. Pays no notice to the fact he's not entirely soft beneath his sweats.
You ignore it, too. Kind of. Press down a little, just to let him know you know. He doesn't react. Just cocks one of his brows, as if to say, 'so?'
And then he figures that throwing caution to the wind is the best option here. He doesn't want to let things get out of hand, and he's sure you don't either.
"So are you gonna tell me about your Hush boy now or later?"
The way your jaw drops is almost comical. The pressure of your feet eases, and Jungkook is sad to lose it, but he doesn't resist as you pull your legs up to your chest in panic. He's still got that cocksure grin on his face, amused by your reaction.
"What?" He smirks, reclining back into the corner of the sofa. His legs spread a little, and the bulge is even more noticeable. He's doing it to fuck with you, now. You don't even look in its direction, but he still has the nerve to say, "Eyes up here, fizz."
"My eyes are up," you almost gasp. "And so are you, apparently."
Jungkook knocks his head to the side, and scrunches his nose a little. Being called out for it makes him a little awkward, even when he's the most confident guy you've ever known.
"I'm just hungover-"
"Yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes, before reciting the same bullshit he always says. "I'm always more horny when I'm hungover."
The way you say it is so whiney that Jungkook can't help but laugh. "I don't sound like that you prick - and stop deflecting. I heard you this morning. Sounds like I'm not the only one who suffers from horny hangovers."
It's about now that your face blossoms with the most delightful shade of red. Your cheeks are hot, and Jungkook can see how mortified you are. He finds it fucking hilarious.
"You didn't."
"Oh," he sings. "But I did."
"I'm gonna throw up," you grimace. Flirting with Jungkook is all well and good, but the idea of him hearing you get yourself off is shameful. Truly horrific.
"You didn't remember that me and Jimin had crashed here, did you?" He teases, knowing that you'd have never done it had you known they were in the next room over - or maybe you would have done. You just would have been a little more discreet.
"Didn't have a clue," you confirm, before burying your head in a sofa cushion. This is probably the most tragic conversation you've ever had with Jungkook.
He just laughs. Finds it hilarious.
"You didn't hear anything," you tell him. "Forget it ever happened."
"Was kinda hot," he shrugs - but fails to tell you that his current semi isn't the first time he's been hard in your apartment today. "Doesn't answer my question, though. Who's your Hush guy?"
Your face screws up like a paper napkin. This is not a conversation you want to be having, nor one you thought you'd be having a few minutes ago when your feet were on his cock.
In fact, your eyes are still closed, face all cute and regretful when you say, "How the fuck am I supposed to know? Doesn't that defeat the object of Hush?"
Jungkook laughs. "Give over. Who is he?"
"I'm being serious," you say, and notice the way Jungkook's smile shifts. He looks a little concerned, now, brows hard. "I don't know."
"Fizz," he says, too shocked to address you by anything but a dumb nickname. His brows are furrowed, and it's his jaw gaping now, not yours. "How do you not know?"
And now you're confused, because you thought that anonymity was the whole point of Hush.
"We just... never disclosed it, I guess?"
"So, what?" Jungkook's tone changes. It sounds like he's accusing you now, berating you a little. You both look as bewildered as one another. "You just matched with some dude this morning and got straight to it?"
That's the only plausibility, Jungkook thinks.
He knows Hush, knows what it's like, but knows that the stakes are too high to keep the anon act up. If he isn't comfortable enough to share his identity within a day or two, he unmatches.
Sure, he's gotten himself in pretty risky conversations straight off the bat before, and has had his fair share of casual encounters thanks to the app - but he doesn't love the idea of you doing it, too. It's because he knows that he doesn't care for the girls he uses in those situations, and dislikes the idea of someone else using you like that.
"No?" You reply, a little offended. "We've been talking for like... a few months?"
Jungkook almost shrieks. "A few months?! And you don't know who he is?!"
You stay silent for a moment. You're reflecting his confusion back at him. He can't understand for the life of him why you don't see a problem with this - but you haven't worked your way through the Hush circles like he has. Your Damocles boy has been the only person you've ever given the time of day on there.
"That's the whole point?" You say, but it's really a question because you can't understand why he's so horrified.
"He could be anyone," Jungkook whispers, as if he's trying to keep your secret for you. "Anyone!"
"He's alright," you promise. "He's nice."
"You don't even know his name!"
"I'm pretty sure you can only name a handful of the girls you've fucked in the last couple of years," you scoff at his hypocrisy.
Jungkook got eyes like a hopeless romantic, all shiny and bright. People don't seem to realise such appeal affords him endless opportunities for casual encounters - of which he thinks it would be rude to turn down. Or at least that's what he tells you.
Realistically, you know he just likes fucking about.
"That's not the point here, fizz, and you know it," he scolds.
"Who I may or may not send nudes to is really none of your concern, Jungkook," you tell him.
"I know that," he insists. "But if this has been going on for months..."
"Then it's still none of your concern."
He holds up his hands, eyes wide. He's waving a white flag, even if he thinks you're a walking, talking red one. "I'm not attacking you, here. I just think you need to be careful."
"I'm fine," you tell him softly, and he's pleased when you smile at him in that fond way he's so used to. It feels a lot safer than the confusion on your face a moment ago. You know his concern comes from a good place. "It's just what works for us. It's as much my choice as it is his."
Jungkook nods, and lets it go, but not before warning you, "I'm not the only one of the guys on there. Tae and Jin, we both know they're not, but the rest of them? I dread to think of what Jin would do if he found out Joon was phone fucking his little sister."
You laugh now. Really laugh.
"I'm not kidding!" Jungkook protests.
"I'd recognise any of you in an instant," you tell him, and you really believe it.
You have no doubt in your mind that you'd be able to sense any of them off from miles away. They're too familiar.
"I fucking hope so," he laughs, and while you're laughing too, you feel a little uneasy.
Maybe he has a point. Maybe you do need to dig a little deeper.
But as Jungkook leaves, and you check your phone only to find a new message waiting from your Damocles boy, you can't help but feel a little out of your depth already.
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21:43PM
D4m0cl3s: whyyyy am i so obsessed with u
22:10PM
leaving me on read? that's a new one (plus will probably only make me a little more obsessed (something about toxic girls that just really gets to me))
22:32PM
i lied i don't like toxic girls pls don't ignore me clem :(
Cl3m3ntin3: hey sorry was just a little busy
D4m0cl3s: it's cool you okay?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah yeah, im all good you?
D4m0cl3s: im okay you seem a little... i dunno. off?
Cl3m3ntin3: sorry i'm fine really
D4m0cl3s: yanno, you say one thing but the way you're writing sends a whole entire different message it's v confusing, clem
Cl3m3ntin3: sorry i don't mean to be im all good, honest
D4m0cl3s: stop saying sorry
22:54PM
clem whats up you're never like this, you got me worried
Cl3m3ntin3: you sat at home worrying over a girl you can't even imagine?
D4m0cl3s: wdym?
Cl3m3ntin3: it's not like you can picture me not like you can think of my face so what are you thinking about when you're worrying? some pixels? your phone?
D4m0cl3s: right. where has all this come from? please know my face is very confused right now so whatever you imagine when you think of me - 'cause let's remember that you don't have a fuckin' clue what i look like either - add a little confusion to it that should do the job.
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm gonna add a little anger to it 'cause you seem pissed off
D4m0cl3s: well, yeah? i kind of am i don't get why you're, like, attacking me? like im the only one keeping a secret? it's you and me both, clem.
00:06AM
you can't just ignore me whenever i say something you don't like
Cl3m3ntin3: no? i think i can. goes with the territory of you not knowing who the fuck i am. no repercussions.
D4m0cl3s: where the fuck has all this come from? were we not good this morning?
00:13AM
and there you go again, leaving me on read.
Cl3m3ntin3: don't act like you actually give a fuck been 3 months if you cared, surely i'd know who you are by now?
D4m0cl3s: pot, kettle, black, clem it's a two-way street and fuck you if i didn't care, i'd just be leaving your shitty attitude on read, too.
Cl3m3ntin3: how can you care about someone you don't know? really? how can you?
D4m0cl3s: are you telling me you don't care about me?
00:17AM
if this is you leaving me on read again then you can go fuck yourself. like literally just unmatch me.
Cl3m3ntin3: im not leaving you on read im trying to figure out what the fuck i want to say just give me a moment, okay?
D4m0cl3s: m'kay.
Cl3m3ntin3: i care that's, like the most important thing here. i really care. i just i had someone irl questioning me about you today and it kind of left me stumped. why don't you want to know who i am?
D4m0cl3s: i kinda hate that an outsider has swayed your opinion on me so much don't get me wrong, i love that your friends care about you just hate that it makes you think i don't
Cl3m3ntin3: that's not an answer
D4m0cl3s: patience is a virtue, clem i was getting there my line of work... i cant commit to anything. it isn't fair. it isn't fair to let someone get invested in me. the moment you know who i am, everything changes it's far easier for you to be detached if i'm just a few pixels if this isn't physical
Cl3m3ntin3: you've spent 3 months getting yourself off to me and me alone that's commitment, isn't it?
D4m0cl3s: that's conditioning, clem you've made everything else so incredibly boring you're the only thing that excites me
Cl3m3ntin3: and yet...
D4m0cl3s: and yet. clem, we both know the second this becomes more than what it already is, there's no taking it back. i don't wanna lose this don't wanna lose you.
Cl3m3ntin3: i think it's really sad that you think being honest will result in losing me
D4m0cl3s: just how the cookie crumbles, clem i've seen it happen with my friends you were right when you said you deserve more than dick pics from some rando on the internet but even if you knew who i was, that's all i'd be able to give you i like you too much to cope with knowing how disappointed you'd be by the outcome of my grand reveal a few pixels can only disappoint you so much a real, tangible human? so much more.
Cl3m3ntin3: just a rando on the internet who sends me dick pics and yet you've got me feeling all kinds of fucked up
D4m0cl3s: it's mutual, if it helps really did mean it when i said i was obsessed with u earlier and for the record i don't really imagine a person when i think of you more of like.. i dunno. an aura? i guess. peachy. orange. a little green. very clementine inspired maybe that's it maybe i imagine clementines my teeny tiny clementine
Cl3m3ntin3: you make my heart hurt
D4m0cl3s: you make my heart hurt, too
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm sorry for... like going off at you
D4m0cl3s: it's cool kind of nice to see this side of you, i guess ur ego isn't always big shock
Cl3m3ntin3: oh no it is this is all the result of a bruised ego was very offended that you didn't wanna know i am i'll have you know one of my friends got a semi just looking at me earlier and yet the guy who makes me cum doesn't even wanna know me &lt;///333
D4m0cl3s: firstly lets stop with this nonsense, okay? i would kill to know who you are and as soon as we're both in situations where it's fair i'm booking you a taxi and routing it straight for my place also fuck ur friend (not literally pls)
Cl3m3ntin3: oh? not gonna wine and dine me first? (i wont)
D4m0cl3s: absolutely not first thing im doing is checking to see if your head can fit through doors, you egomaniac
Cl3m3ntin3: and the second thing?
D4m0cl3s: fucking the rest of that ego out of you ♡♡
Cl3m3ntin3: and they say romance is dead
D4m0cl3s: im not the most romantic of guys
Cl3m3ntin3: i'll pretend im shocked
D4m0cl3s: are we good, clem?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah we're good im sorry for getting so in my head about things don't even know why i got so pissed about you not being able to imagine me when i literally can't imagine you either lmao
D4m0cl3s: what do you think of when you think of me?
Cl3m3ntin3: honestly?
D4m0cl3s: honestly...
Cl3m3ntin3: your cock lmao i wish i could say something cute like your aura, but i'd simply be lying
D4m0cl3s: for fucks sake haha
Cl3m3ntin3: good cock, at least great cock, some would say
D4m0cl3s: some?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah not me i'd say average :)
D4m0cl3s: average? AVERAGE?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah :D
D4m0cl3s: i... do you need reminding or something?
Cl3m3ntin3: no? it's average :) !
D4m0cl3s: the man was too stunned to speak
Cl3m3ntin3: maybe i do need reminding then? could have sworn it was average? maybe even a little smaller?
D4m0cl3s: you are rubbing salt in a wound, miss teeny tiny clementine i've never been more offended
Cl3m3ntin3: hmm... prove me wrong?
D4m0cl3s: i want it on record that i hate you
Cl3m3ntin3: sure you do, baby
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: does this help?
Cl3m3ntin3: a little? not much, though maybe it would help if I had some more context? maybe you should play with it for me a little bit?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: like this?
Cl3m3ntin3: ooo that's a little better only a little, though maybe more?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
D4m0cl3s: what about now?
Cl3m3ntin3: maybe you should play with your balls a little? for like... spacial awareness?
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
yeah, that helps that really helps
D4m0cl3s: still average? or does it look like we both know it does?
Cl3m3ntin3: how do we both know it looks?
D4m0cl3s: like it would ruin your tight little cunt
Cl3m3ntin3: damn, damocles you're really coming for me now, aren't you? what happened to my pretty little pussy you love so much? it's cunt now?
D4m0cl3s: you don't want me playing nice right now you wouldn't be telling me i'm below average if you did you want me fucking you like i have a point to prove
Cl3m3ntin3: and what point would that be?
D4m0cl3s: that once i finally get to fuck your (pretty, perfect, fucking incredible) cunt, it's mine mine, and no one else's especially not that friend of yours who got hard looking at you
Cl3m3ntin3: i spy with my little eye something that begins with J (it ends in 'ealousy', suga) sugar** lmao typo
D4m0cl3s: suga on the brain? you a scouts fan?
Cl3m3ntin3: they're fine not what i want to be thinking of right now, tho
D4m0cl3s: my bad well, no, your bad actually who's your favourite member?
Cl3m3ntin3: shuuuuush time and place, babe also i have an idea
D4m0cl3s: go on?
Cl3m3ntin3: you got a bottle close by?
D4m0cl3s: ermmm like water bottle?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah
D4m0cl3s: i've a chilsung?
Cl3m3ntin3: perfect me too wanna see your hand wrapped around it
D4m0cl3s: .... i have a cock right here and hard for you .... and you wanna see my hand around a bottle?
Cl3m3ntin3: just do it baby
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
oh my fucking god
D4m0cl3s: what?
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
oh holy shit why is your hand so small it doesn't even get around the bottle?????!! i'd literally like... eclipse it
Cl3m3ntin3: uh huh now wrap your hand around your cock you know the size difference now you know exactly what it'd look like
D4m0cl3s: god i'm gonna fucking destroy you arent i
Cl3m3ntin3: uh huh i think so jesus christ i haven't even been touching myself and look at the state of me
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
you did this this is all you
D4m0cl3s: all mine i'm never gonna share you god i gotta fuck you
Cl3m3ntin3: we've literally just had a full entire fuck off conversation as to why you cant
D4m0cl3s: im a boy im stupid i cant be trusted to make such decisions let me fuck you please
Cl3m3ntin3: no, baby you know you can't you gotta be patient
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
think of how well you'll be rewarded
D4m0cl3s: no i gotta fuck you i need to i think i might die if i can't
D4m0cl3s added new media to the chat!
so hard that death is the only option
Cl3m3ntin3: the way you hold it around the base always gets me so fucked up all i can think about is the fact it will look just like that when you guide it into me
Cl3m3ntin3 added new media to the chat!
reckon im wet enough for you?
D4m0cl3s: i think you're wet enough that i'll never need to drink water again so fucking hot literally how the fuck do you even get that wet
Cl3m3ntin3: wish i could tell you truth is you're the only one who's ever got me like that
D4m0cl3s: fuck don't say shit like that, clem im too close
Cl3m3ntin3: you can cum, baby i wanna see it
D4m0cl3s: can i call? i wanna watch you too
Cl3m3ntin3: yes please pretty please
D4m0cl3s: always so good for me, clem ain't no fuckin' way im ever losing this
Cl3m3ntin3: just call me you sentimental prick ;)
Incoming call from D4m0cl3s Accept | Decline (01 minute : 37 seconds) Call ended.
Cl3m3ntin3: im so furious that was a call and not a video you fucking whined WHINED jesus i might cum again just thinking about it
D4m0cl3s: and they say men are easy
Cl3m3ntin3: fuck you, you know you're hot
D4m0cl3s: do i?
Cl3m3ntin3: yeah yeah you fucking do give me all this shit for my ego, but jesus christ you know exactly what you do to me
D4m0cl3s: and you know it's mutual the whine... yeah that wasn't intentional you're just??? unreal????
Cl3m3ntin3: probably a good idea that we don't ever fuck i think i'd stop being able to function like a useful member of society would just want to spend all day in bed with you
D4m0cl3s: you say that as we don't spend a fair amount of our free time doing exactly that just... not together but still together kinda i guess? does that make sense?
Cl3m3ntin3: it makes sense i'm sorry about earlier, still
D4m0cl3s: im sorry, too i know that this isn't like... conventional
Cl3m3ntin3: conventional is boring im gonna go get a shower quickly talk later?
D4m0cl3s: talk later miss u already x
D4m0cl3s is offline
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BIG HIT ENT OFFICES Yongsan-gu, Seoul
"You can stop avoiding me, yanno," Jungkook mumbles as he comes to stand beside you.
The grey corridors of Big Hit all look the same, but this one's a little different. It's The Scouts stomping ground; space reluctantly given to them after the success of the last album. Told management they needed studios to work in underdisturbed. Three of them. Tae and Jin didn't care for one - are happy doing their own shit in the dingy old practise room in the basement - but Yoongi, Namjoon and Jungkook all threw tantrums.
Well, less-so trantrums and more-so well put together business plans an ROI graphs for some of the senior bosses. Hoseok was in charge of overseeing it all, and blew far too much budget on it - something of which has bitten them all in the arse, and keeps them tied to their label for longer, but they have freedoms, at least. More than most bands in their field. Oppotunities. Visibility.
At the far end of the corridor, closest to the snack machine, is Jungkook's studio.
There's silence as you watch the packet of chips you just chose drop into the vending chute, with little care for the fact he sounds stroppy. Though you don't look at him, you know he's pouting. Can hear it in his voice.
It's been a few days since he left your apartment and you haven't really spoken since. It's not like it's totally uncommon for you to go a while without chatting, but you are aware that you left a couple memes sent to you on read.
You weren't trying to be a bitch, he just sent them at bad times, and you forgot to reply. Seems as if your lack of consideration has left him overthinking, and you feel a little bad.
You crouch, knees cracking as you do, stuffing your arm into the machine and retrieving your purchases - plural. A packet of chips for you, and banana milk for him. He narrows his eyes as you hold it towards him. You're still crouched, eyes a little wide but impatient.
"Take it or I'll drink it myself, you big baby."
He wants to resist, but he can't. Something just so tempting about banana milk. Gets him every time.
"Was coming to see you, actually," you say as you return to your full posture, knocking your head to the side to indicate you want to walk. He follows your lead like he always does. It explains the banana milk, at least, and makes him feel a little easier. "Just been busy, haven't been avoiding you. Stupid. Anyways, had a meeting today about the next run of shows so thought I'd pop up and say hi before I left."
He hums to let you know he's listening, encouraging you to keep on talking as he reaches the door to his studio. It's pin-protected, so you wait till he's typed in the code to continue - though realistically, you both know you could have just typed it in yourself.
"How'd it go?" He asks, both out of politeness and general curiosity. He's always keen to hear about your life; what's going on with it.
"Yeah, yeah," you nod, entering first and taking a seat in his favourite desk chair as soon as you're inside. You drape your overshirt across the back of it, and ignore the way Jungkook's eyes briefly flitter towards your chest. His gaze doesn't linger, so you don't bother teasing him about it. "All good. Just going over some health and safety stuff."
He pops his banana milk down on the desk. Frowns. Sighs. "Up."
Every single time. Him and his bloody chair.
"But there's another chair right there!" You protest, knowing full well you're in Jungkook's ridiculously overpriced gaming chair, which really has no business being in a music studio - but dear lord if it isn't the comfiest thing you've ever sat on.
"Exactly!" He wails in return. "You, there. Me, here."
The way he gestures his hands makes him look like a flight attendant, all poised and direct, but you don't budge.
"Mhmm-mm," you mumble, trying to eat a chip as Jungkook tugs on your arm. "Me, here. You there!"
"You're gonna get crumbs all over it," he says with such a pout that you can't help but laugh. You know he's got a mini vacuum in his desk drawer precisely for times like these. You know because you're the one who bought it, after the fifth time you'd argued over something as trivial as a few crumbs.
"I won't," you pout right back, then promise, "I'll wipe my fingers."
He's about to say something back, before he realises that you are wiping your fingers - right along the hem of his shirt.
"For fucks sake, you little shit," he moans, wrapping his arm around your head to get you in a headlock. Should have just done this earlier, he thinks. The pair of you struggle for a moment, but he's too bloody strong. You squeal as he drags you off the chair and plonks you down in the spare seat. "Much better."
"You suck," you huff as you kick out at him, but miss as he sits himself down and rolls away with a cheeky little grin on his face.
He's about to reply all rather childishly, but a knock at his door breaks the contact of his eyes on yours.
You're thankful for the interruption. You don't like the way it feels when you look at Jungkook these days. It's a bit... too much.
"Who is it?" Jungkook calls, the frosted glass hiding the intruder, but not really. Even you can make out who it is.
"Yoongi," he calls through, to which Jungkook tells him that he can let himself in. He's one of the chosen few; the secret circle. In all reality, every single one of the boys knows Jungkook's passwords, but he tells himself otherwise. Somehow likes the idea of exclusivity.
"Hey, I- oh," Yoongi begins as he enters the room, stopping as he realises you're there. He's dressed down, a pair of black slacks and a white shirt a fair few sizes too large draped over his shoulders.
Dressed quite a lot like you, actually, though your slacks are fitted and high-waisted, and the white shirt you're in is tight. It clings to your skin, and now that your overshirt is hooked over the back of Jungkook's chair, there's not much hiding your silhouette.
They've both seen you in far less - there's a mutual agreement to never speak of your twenty-third birthday party and the bath debacle - but it's not often you're in anything that doesn't hide you up a little. It's just professionalism, and considering you're mostly around them at work, it makes sense.
But your shirt had ridden up a little from the struggle with Jungkook, and your midriff is distracting for Yoongi, apparently. He stays silent. Looks at you. Looks at Jungkook. Looks at your shirt, which is crumpled by Jungkook. Looks at the mess your hair is in following the headlock. Is unaware of the headlock ever taking place. Adds 2 and 2 and gets 5.
"Didn't realise you had company," Yoongi musters. "My bad."
"Don't mind me," you smile. "I can get gone, if you need time with Jungkook?"
"No, no," Yoongi insists, before turning to focus on Jungkook. The way he cuts the conversation short with you weighs on you. You and Yoongi had never been close, not in the same way you were with Jungkook, but there was a time when you would have been invited along with whatever he needed Jungkook for. Hasn't been that way for a while now, but it still makes you sad. "Just running through that demo you sent over, I've got some notes. I'll be in the studio all evening, so just come by whenever you're... done."
It dawns on you pretty quickly that Yoongi's jumping to conclusions. Your cheeks begin to flame, and you have to stop yourself from awkwardly laughing.
"I'm actually heading off now," you mumble, getting to your feet. The last thing you need is yet another thing for Yoongi to hold against you.
You like to tell yourself it's the whole nepotism thing - and honestly, it's an undeniable part of his disdain for you lately.
But you also know it's something more.
See, there are two things you and Yoongi will never speak of.
The first is your twenty-third birthday party, and the bath debacle that came with it. It was harmless, and he wasn't the only one there - Jimin and Jungkook played their part too - but it's an avoided topic to preserve your dignity more than anything else.
The second thing you will never discuss is the night that never was. The one you both agreed never happened.
When he looks at you, you know he's thinking about it.
But it's your best-kept secret, and you'd quite like to keep it that way, so you make your excuses and leave. Jungkook says bye, and that he'll text later. Yoongi doesn't even really look at you as you leave.
There's a momentum to your heartbeat as you leave the building, your staff pass beeping like a hospital monitor as you go through security. There's a buzz in your back pocket as soon as you're through the doors - not the kind you long for from your Damocles boy, but a just regular kakaotalk message.
When you pull up your phone and see his name, you're surprised, but also a little concerned. You wait until you're at the bus stop to check his messages - and when you do, you wish you never did.
Yoongi (personal): I've said the same to Jungkook as I'm gonna say to you. Think about it from Jin's perspective.
You can't help but laugh at his sheer audacity. Of all people, Yoongi has absolutely no right to berate you, nor your choices. He's completely missed the mark of the relationship between you and Jungkook - and he's really in no place to judge. No place at all.
And so you tell him as such.
You: Not really sure what you're getting at But tell me, Yoongi, did you think about it from Jin's perspective?
You know better than to mention the night that never was. Neither of you have spoken about it for months - a full year, almost - but he deserves to think about it if he's going to be a prick. Deserves to remember. Deserves to have it linger.
You watch as your messages are marked as 'read', and then you mute your notifications from him. How he thinks he has any right to police what you do - and who you do it with - infuriates you. Why waste your time, though? He's been nothing but an absolute arse to you over the past couple of months. Nothing will change it.
The frustration in your mind has you wanting to watch the world roll by. You let the bus you usually board roll on by, opting for the longer route instead. It won't come for another few minutes, but it's not so bad out today. The weather is bearable.
It's as you're waiting - a face of thunder and scowl foul enough to rival even Yoongi's on a bad day - that your phone buzzes. The corner of your lips curl. Cheeks turn pink. It vibrates again. And a third time.
So even though you mentally scold yourself for not waiting until you get home, you find yourself unlocking your phone and heading to Hush.
And sure enough, there he is.
D4m0cl3s: working late tonight
The second message is a picture. Has you gasping. It's a pair of dark trousers, unbuckled, zip down, but still in place - pushed open enough for you to see the thick outline of a bulge in white Calvins.
D4m0cl3s: thinking about you x
A soft laugh escapes your lips, and you forget all about your bad mood.
You reply, a grin on your face so large that you think it could rival a Cheshire cat.
Cl3m3ntin3: and they say romance is dead?? ♡♡
He replies instantly.
D4m0cl3s: i'm not trying to romance you, clem i'm trying to seduce you :) is it working? Cl3m3ntin3: no x D4m0cl3s: what about now??
The picture he sends through is obscene. Belongs in the centrefold of a top shelf magazine. Has you fucking drooling, a light whimper escaping your lips. The harsh wind of a taxi storming by reminds you that you're in public. You look over your shoulder to make sure there's no one walking by - not because you don't want to get caught looking at it, but so you can oogle at it for a little bit longer.
His fingers are wrapped around his thick cock, his grip tight. Like, real fucking tight. His foreskin is pulled down, and there's a small pool of thick precum glistening on his tip. It's so minimal, but so central to the photo that you know it's the main focus. He's letting you know just how horny he is, just how ready he is to fuck himself into you - and he's hoping that your pussy will be leaking like that, too.
Cl3m3ntin3: i'm on my way home can you wait for like 20 minutes? D4m0cl3s: i've got all night, clem take your time i'll be waiting for you Cl3m3ntin3: be home soooooon D4m0cl3s: travel safe, clemmie x Cl3m3ntin3: simp.
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antimony-medusa · 2 years
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Okay so, the thing about Boundaries, and why people keep bringing them up over and over again to creators, is I think there's a bit of a desire for what people are doing here to not be weird. Cause like, the creator signed off on it, so like, I'm fine and you can't make fun of me or get mad at me.
And like, I understand the desire to not be made fun of or have people get mad at you, believe me, I know, but I think we have all just gotta accept that what we're doing is— it's a little weird, bro.
Like by definition what fandom is is getting a little too much into your thing. Fan comes from Fanatic. We all saw some block men and we went way too hard with it. And I think that sufficiently viewed from the outside, there is just no way to do any kind of transformational creation and it not be weird to the wrong people.
Like, taking a character and making them miserable? One of the honourable fandom traditions, whether you're whumping them or if you go hard into comfort at the end. For someone entirely outside of fandom, that's just like why are you DOING that, bro, and when you add in the fact that we're using people's real names (well, gamer tags), there's no way for that not to be odd. "The creator said it was okay" is not going to make people go ??? any less. (Let me emphasize that this is fine, it's just like, also, you bring that up on the bus and peope go ????)
Let's look at fluff. You want to write about your characters in a coffee shop au? You want to write about your characters in a cuddly family dynamic, taking care of each other? You want to age down characters and write kid fic where they learn to face the challenges of the world and it's just so cute and you love them so much even if nothing really bad happens? I promise you that my non-fandom parents are gonna be like "why are you spending your time on that" and again, if you throw in the "is this real people" (it isn't, but that is a delicate thing to explain), you're looking at people staring at you in discomprehension and backing away.
Shippy stuff. Again, one of the honourable fandom traditions. You just love your guys and you want to write about how much they love each other (or maybe make it tragic about how only one person can make it out of the cactus ring). You spent all this time thinking about their feelings writing it out. You write out a kiss scene. It makes you flail happily. Most people don't do that! Absolutely fun to do? Yes! Something you can bring up as an ice breaker at the company potluck? Probably not! We are too much into the characters, and that's fine, but it's still gonna look a bit odd from the outside!
Plotty gen. You're writing an entire new story, but you're taking existing characters for it? Like it's original fiction, but you're using existing characters? Why not just write original fiction <I have had this conversation. Oh, you're writing a story about minecraft characters, and they— they get tortured? Like it starts with them being tortured? <also a fun conversation to be in.
I'm mostly thinking about this from the fanfiction side, but art, meta— we are just getting into things way too much. We're spending hours on this stuff. We drew the creators minecraft sonas in maid dresses. There are millions of words of fiction on the archive about every conceivable universe of good/bad things happeing to the characters. It is a primary hobby, where I could be learning piano or paying attention to sports. And I'm not, and like, that's fine.
I am here to tell you that people absolutely might find what we're doing weird, and also it's entirely fine. I just ran a poll about the sexiest minecraft character that got 68k votes on the most voted poll. And then I had to explain that to my doctor to explain why I didn't really have a normal baseline for the past week to compare to. (Doctor visibly thought it was weird but he was also like "you go" because he's a good doctor, but I had to start with explaining minecraft because he knew NOTHING about what I was talking about.) You just gotta accept that fandom is for a small segment of the population, we are all having fun with ourselves, and it's for us, it's not for the general population, and stop trying to make it palatable to people who don't care to understand. People on this site keep saying "racist white boys" and then they don't have the intellectual curiosity to pursue further as to why maybe that's not true, having a boundaries post is not going to make them nicer. It's fine. They're being jerks, we're just having fun.
And like, stop trying to get the creator to sign off on it. Accept that sometimes we're being weird and they can look at it if they want to see the weird fanatics going too hard with the characters. They will tell us if we're doing something they want to stop associating with their name, and up until that point, just accept that what we're doing is weird, and have fun with it.
We're weird.
Be more weird 2k23.
Have fun with it.
I wrote a time travel AU in DMs with a friend last night about a bird man and a minecraft piglin. Not normal. It's FINE.
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timesomewhere · 5 days
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in honour of the West End's next to normal closing today I've finally proof-read my 'things I noticed/general thoughts' post that's been sitting in my drafts since I saw it earlier this month. it's very long I'm very sorry.
Act One:
it was really fun watching this show in September given that there's two references to it in the first song
I adore the monologue about the pills that Dr. Fine gives during 'Who's Crazy'. it's rhythmic and funny yet also unnerving. It's such a quick and impactful way to summarise what Diana has been through for the past 16 years
Gabe does a 'one of your French girls' pose on the kitchen counter under the cabinets during 'My Psychopharmacologist and I'
Jamie Parker made direct eye contact with me during the last part of 'Who's Crazy' and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life
I might just be dense but I don't get the point of the neon sign that says 'Fine' which drops down during the Dr. Fine scene. Initially I thought that then one would drop down saying 'Madden' during his scenes to help people differentiate between the doctors but then it didn't so it just feels like a weird extra prop
speaking of random props, shout out to the iPad on the table in the opening scene which Gabe pretty much instantly takes away after telling Diana that she shouldn't obsess over tragic news stories and is then never seen again as far as I remember
Dan in the flashback scene being such an optimist about Diana's pregnancy and the future they're gonna have together... soul-crushing
Caissie Levy's 'I Miss The Mountains.' Holy Shit.
I love how Diana and Gabe are the only characters who sing on/stand on the table. it's as though it's this extra dimension of the house that only they have access to and it's a really neat and subtle way to show that they relate to each other in ways other characters don't
'It's Gonna Be Good' is so underrated. Jamie Parker's somewhat genuine optimism becoming optimism-through-gritted-teeth is incredibly acted
The way Jamie delivers the first line of 'He's Not Here' is devastating. the heaviness of that moment as you feel the audience around you realising what's just happened is something I'll remember forever
Gabe body-blocking Dan from Diana during 'I Am the One' is such good staging. People talk about how Jack Wolfe plays Gabe with a lot of layers and a lot of simultaneous contradiction and this song is one of the best examples of that. how Jack manages to project a character who is goading his father and protecting his mother at the same time is beyond me
also Jack has maybe half-an-inch on Jamie which obviously isn't something the actors control but it does makes Gabe seem just that bit more threatening when he's getting in Dan's face
for the first part of Superboy and the Invisible Girl when it's just Natalie singing, Gabe is actively laughing. He's totally unperturbed by her efforts to make herself seen to her mother. it's only when Diana replies, particularly when she says "you're our little pride and joy, our perfect plan" that you see his face drop and you see him trying to figure out a way to stop her from getting Diana's attention which then results in him kicking her off the melody in her own song
"I'll hurt you" being directed at Dan and "I'll heal you" being directed at Diana as Gabe gently touches her face gets me so bad. but the most painful part of 'I'm Alive' for me is when Gabe looks at Dan as he says "I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well." that's the first time you realise that perhaps Gabe doesn't just impact Diana, and there's something much larger at play
Caissie and Jack W's voices harmonising on 'Catch Me I'm Falling' was one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Their voices are so magical together and their mother/son chemistry is incredible
The 'I Dreamed A Dance' into 'There's a World' sequence is one of the most tragically beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I went into the show knowing what Gabe was trying to achieve during 'There's A World' and yet Jack's voice is so beautifully haunting you totally forget you're supposed to root against Gabe in that moment
Jamie Parker's 'I've Been' is some of the best acting through song out there. Interestingly my friend and I had very different interpretation's of what Gabe's horrified reaction to the blood meant. I viewed it as him being upset about what he convinced Diana to do - he doesn't like seeing her hurt. Whereas my friend saw it as him being angry at himself that she didn't manage to follow through, meaning that he has failed to regain control over her life
'I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath. I ain't no Frances Farmer kind of find for you' is one of the best musical theatre lyrics of all time. I genuinely don't know why I Miss The Mountains is the 'big song' known from N2N over 'Didn't I See This Movie?', it's just so good
Natalie's 'She trusts you!' line is heartbreaking, I was basically watching that entire scene through my fingers because of how high the emotion was
Act Two:
'Pfizer's woman of the year' will in fact be peak comedy every time. Eleanor's delivery is *chef's kiss*
Gabe having just one line in 'Wish I Were Here', and that line being 'Wish I were here.' Yeah. I feel very normal about that.
Natalie's line of "Can I hide my stupid hunger, fake some confidence and cheer?" being pretty much exactly what Gabe has done throughout the entirety of act 1
"And you're not a scary rockstar anymore" got one of the biggest laughs at both of the shows I went to
Dan's desperation during 'Better Than Before.' He is simultaneously trying to cajole Diana into remembering and get Natalie to be more positive. This one song really highlights how he's being pulled in a million different directions while trying to hold it all together and Jamie portrays that so well
Aftershocks. Wow. The way the last word of each line echoes throughout the theatre is great sound design. I've been in exam halls louder than the audience during that song. Holding a room that captive as a silhouette is quite the feat Jack Wolfe you will always be famous
"I don't know where the fucking pieces go" as Diana pushes things off the table as if there's a real jigsaw there that she's rage quitting and choosing to give up on is such a nice detail
"Have you talked of your depression, your delusions and your son?" The gasp in the theatre both times was sickening
the response of "good' in reply to "name?" when technically that was part of his name as they are the "Goodmans". I don't really have a point here I just think it's neat
The 'It's Gonna Be Good" reprise was one of my favourite Dan/Diana moments. Caissie and Jamie are really pushing each other to their emotional limits and they handle it so well
The first "Why stay?" is so fragile as Diana sits against the kitchen island. Also interesting given that Dan and Gabe will also sit against there later when they are at their lowest point in the story. The idea of the characters crawling to the 'centre/heart' of the home when they are at their weakest
"This is one old game that I can play so well" is the line that has stuck the most with me throughout the show. Jack's delivery of it while striding across the kitchen table - seemingly totally invincible - is crazy.
how Caissie manages to deliver "you shrugged and said that no one really knows" with humour and desperation at the same time is amazing
When Gabe and Diana stand on the table and if they let go of one another they'll fall. yeahhhhh.....
Gabe's realisation that Diana isn't going to give up on getting better. Totally collapsing in on himself and beginning to cry. How you manage to feel bad for him after all the destruction he's caused is wild
Diana's "maybe I'm tired of the game" relating back to Gabe's "this is one old game that I can play so well"
the lyrics in 'Hey #3' clearly reflecting things Diana has done, Henry cutting Natalie off at "bleeding in the bathtub"
"I am the one who'll heal you" being said to Dan not Diana this time
"Why didn't you go with her?" is the most devastating line in the whole musical I said what I said. Jamie's delivery of it is heart wrenching
the drums and bass kicking in for the loud part of I Am The One as Gabe becomes desperate to be seen once again
Jack and Jamie's acting in this moment is so intense. there's a moment where it's genuinely feels as though only one of them can make it out of the interaction alive
Jack's emphasis on the word 'loved' in the line "I am the one who loved you" nearly killed me on the spot. how somebody can deliver a line so desperately while remaining pitch perfect is unfair
Natalie coming in to kiss Dan's head at the start of 'Light' like Gabe kisses Diana's in the first scene. I'm such a sucker for a gut punching
the "And are they real?" line about Diana's parent's from Henry gets such a loud reaction from the audience. Some people laugh immediately, some people clearly get shocked out of their sobs. so good
In conclusion, this is my favourite musical of all time and I'm going to be so annoying waiting for the pro-shot to come out
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moonpetrichors-blog · 12 days
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So I finished RDR2 last week...
Spoilers below the cut!!
There is something both so hauntingly beautiful yet tragic about Arthur's death. Like anyone else I cried while playing and after the credits rolled, but Arthur's death scene struck me as familiar to a certain imagery I'm sure anyone who likes to read tarot would agree with; it was very reminiscent of the 10 of swords.
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"The Ten of Swords indicate a major disaster of some sort. It shows that a certain force of extreme magnitude has come to hit you in your life - one that you may have not foreseen."
This is obviously his TB diagnosis.
"There is a sense of betrayal that is indicated here, for the character is stabbed in the back. This seems to be a reminder that despite how much we try, we cannot control everything - there are things that are beyond our ability to change. Here, this situation is unavoidable."
Dutch's breakdown and Arthur's subsequent shift in his outlook.
"The tale of the suit of swords is a powerful metaphor, one that ends in tragedy. The swords are a symbol of the intellect, of intelligence and logic, and yet we find the final culmination of this suit a complete and total defeat of the spirit. We must realize that the swords are a weapon that can have immense potential for destruction or for good."
Representative of low vs high honour. Redemption.
But you know what else 10 of swords means? Endings creating new beginnings. The clearing skies, the sunrise - it represents the cycle of death birthing something new. While this ending for Arthur kind of takes on a literal meaning, I love how his actions and sacrifices lived on through John and his family.
Anyways, beautiful story that shattered my heart to pieces and left me in awe.
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catmansquad · 1 year
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Special
Miguel X M!Reader (Since we're apparently drowning in an influx of Spider-woman Reader stories, and the M!Reader tag hasn't moved in a few days. Here's a Civilian Male to counterbalance it.)
Lyla had asked on three separate occasions if there was anything to do to help you. The first was likely her just taking note of how you stared out of the window, the last two had occurred at exactly a half-hour interval, and it was a toss-up in your mind as to if it had become part of her routine, or Miguel had sent her to check in on you. The view from the window was the same it always had been; fascinating, futuristic. The city had been bright and shining; sleek spires, clean streets, the gentle whizz of traffic above the pedestrians below, between lanes of hard-light. But now the skies were grey and overcast, like the weather was determined to suck all the colour out of this magnificent world. You watched the first droplets run down the glass, more appearing with each second until the downpour truly began. You were not looking for anything in particular, you saw your own reflection in the glass as much as you saw the city beyond. Your eyes trailed down your form, resting on the bracelet that was secure on your left wrist. You could feel its faint, barely perceptible hum, keeping you from violently, painfully disappearing from this beautiful world altogether. This was not your world, not your city, and certainly not your home. That honour belonged to another altogether.
You were surprised when another half-hour elapsed and Lyla did not return to check in on you again. The reason was only realized when you caught the glint of red eyes in the reflection. Huge hands gently rested on your shoulders, fingers giving a firm, reassuring squeeze. ‘¿Qué pasa, mi corazón? Lyla tells me you’ve just been… staring out the window for the past hour.’ You exhaled a shaky breath, finally tearing your eyes from the cityscape and turning to find the tall, broad form before you. Miguel moved a hand to stroke your cheek, his gaze was soft with concern. ‘… Please, tell me what’s wrong. You’re not yourself… I know it’s miserable out, but even so-‘ ‘… Why me, Miguel?’ You asked the question that froze the larger man’s voice in his throat, you met his gaze, seeing his eyes widen in concern. ‘How did I…? Why did you choose me? Out of all the worlds, and all the people you chose me.’ His crimson gaze searched your face, concerned and curious. ‘I chose you because I love you.’ His words were soft, voice low.
You did not resist as he took you by the wrist and led you from the window, to the soft white sofa that befit the minimalist, monochromatic décor his apartment so favoured. ‘I don’t see what’s so special about me, I’m just a… A regular guy. Every day you spend at your job, you see… hundreds and thousands of spectacular Spider-Women. You… Wouldn’t you be better off with one of them?’ Miguel’s gaze narrowed, just a fraction, then he leaned in and placed a soft kiss to your forehead. ‘No. Oh, they think they have a chance with me. They buzz and flutter around me like irritating gnats who tell terrible jokes. They all think they’re the funniest person in the room with tragic backstories and special circumstances….’ He paused to hum in thought, impossibly strong arms circling around your waist as he pulled you into his lap, against his broad, warm chest that filled out the familiar soft white hoodie. ‘I tell them all the same thing; I am in love with a regular, wonderful man. There is nothing that they can do to change my heart, not in this world or any other. You have my heart…’ His lips ghosted across your own as your tensions began to ease away, taking doubts with it. ‘… You always will. You don’t need to be special, because you’re the man I love. To me, you’re already the most special person in existence.’ He gave no room for reply as his lips met yours, imparting tender love and warmth where words would not suffice. You hummed in delight at his kiss, and then returned it with vigor, arms snaking slowly across his shoulders and around his neck, fulfilling that need to be closer and return the love shown.
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Woke up to a text from my uncle today that reminded me of a fad that swept Canada back when we had paper bills.
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It was called spocking and it was the practice of taking a five dollar bill and turning Wilfred Laurier into Spock with a ballpoint pen. I don’t know who did it first, but someone realized that the Canadian prime minister during World War One looked like Leonard Nimoy if you held your head right.
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Best part is that these Spock’d bills were still legal tender. Everyone seemed to love it except of course for the mint and the bank of Canada. There were also some general population narcs who found it to be disrespectful towards the long dead prime minister. However, nerds and people with good senses of humour liked it, and Spocking reached a high watermark shortly after we got our new fives as a tribute to the beloved character after Nimoy’s death in 2015. By that point, I’d been Spocking bills for a while, so any paper five I came into contact with; you best know I was Spocking.
The new fives were a little harder to Spock, given that they were made of plastic and Laurier looked a little less like Leonard Nimoy in the picture they used.
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As you can see, it’s not quite right, so as paper fives slowly left circulation, as did Spocking. It’s a unique, fun moment in Canadian history that I thought was worth sharing.
ADDITION: I found this post in my drafts today and it was a total gut punch because my uncle I talked about in the beginning of this post passed away tragically a few days ago. I toyed with not posting this Goon’s Heritage Moment, but I’ve obviously decided to post it.
I visited my uncle when I was a young teenager and I had a paper five dollar bill in my possession. I excitedly turned it into Spock, much to my uncle’s amusement, and he paid me ten dollars for it after I was done. I found out about a month ago that my uncle had the bill I Spocked in his wallet for nearly ten years, and he loved showing it to people. Closer to the end of is life, he put it up so he could always see it. I feel it’s only appropriate for me to post this fun piece of Canadiana to honour his memory. I know that my Spocked five dollar bill brought him joy on his harder days, so I hope this story can bring you all a bit of joy. If anything, text someone you love today to let them know what you’re up to and how much you love them. A text like that can mean more than you’ll ever know.
Live long and prosper, gang: that’s an order. If not for me, for my uncle Jonathan.
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azrielgreen · 1 month
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Hi! I’m fairly new to the steddie fandom—I hadn’t really been a part of a fandom since livejournal was the place to write fanfiction. Even now, I’m basically a lurker.
My entry into the fandom: watching season 5, going hey these two are hot and have chemistry, let’s see what kind of smut is out there. The only gateway to any fandom, I guess.
That being said, when I came across your writing, I became addicted. I read through all of your works at an alarming rate.
I should say, a lot of your work incorporates themes that are often heavy, beautiful, complex, dark, heart breaking. My partner and love of my life passed away suddenly and tragically in 2019 at the age of 28. I’ve been struggling and continue to struggle with trauma and grief. The way that you write love, connection, obsession, and partnership goes beyond any fandom. You write Steve and Eddie as soulmates that transcend time, place, death. This has been a great comfort to me as I continue to navigate my way through this bullshit journey that is loss.
I won’t lie, I’m sad to hear that you will no longer be writing in the fandom, though of course I understand moving forward. Will you continue to update and write any steddie related fiction on your patreon?
Most of all, I just want to thank you for existing and sharing your beautiful writing with the world. You are so talented and your talent is so precious to so many. Thank you.
With love,
A
Dearest A, please forgive me for not answering this for so long. I tend to hold onto the anons that mean the most to me and yours has really meant the world. This message got me through some hard times and I want you to know that kindness like this makes sharing my work SO worth it in every way. I cried the first time I read this. 💜💜💜
I am so sorry you lost your partner. 28 is so young. If my writing has given you any comfort at all, I'm beyond honoured. I think I've been exploring death in my stories since I was a child. My Mum died when I was fourteen, and ever since then, the need to understand it has crept into all my work in some ways.
To have touched anyone in any small, positive way is a beautiful thing. I thank you again, from the bottom of my heart for this lovely and powerful message. All my love to you, always.
Azriel
💜💜💜
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des-no9 · 22 days
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I love your OC Vanquish and her husbands. And I love your writing. I never played Baldur's Gate, but they just made their way into my brain and stayed there full time. I read your fanfics like they are original stories (since I don't really know which part is the game's plot and which is original writing). Their tragic policule is a breath of fresh air to me, and its dynamic is incredibly fascinating
anon im going to cry !!!!!!! this is one of the nicest asks I've ever had. I'm truly so honoured you love Vanquish, her husbands and their story even though you haven't played BG3 at all. It means the WORLD to me honestly.
That my writing and characters can captivate you even though you aren't familiar with them already or the setting....the dream. And what I strive to achieve as a writer who does both fanfic and original work.
Van, Voss' and Orpheus' dynamic has been one of the most fun and interesting dynamics for me to write in a long time, I'm so happy you enjoyed. Thank you again, lovely anon! I hope you continue to enjoy what I have for them in the future xxxxx
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Book Review 46 – The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez
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Okay the month of August was essentially a write-off for...a lot of things, but non-web serial reading among them! Now trying to claw my way out of the pit and back on the horse. So, some high concept genre fic full of queer people and war crimes, just what the doctor ordered.
The Spear Cuts Through Water is the fantasy epic and love story of a pair of warriors – one a generally despised one-armed checkpoint guard, the other a positively reviled princeling – as they escort the moon goddess in her attempt to escape the prison her sons had trapped her within as they tyranize and empire that spans a continent. As told through a dream/vision of the Inverted Theater, where shades throughout time are called while they sleep to witness a performance put on by the favoured child of moon and sea. Intercut with the same tale as told through out POV’s grandmother, along with vignettes of his life as the son of a failing cloth merchant centuries in the future as the world goes through its equivalent of WW1. All this metaness and layering is either the book’s strongest point or it will make your eyes roll back into your skull so, you know, make an informed choice here.
Being entirely honest I don’t remember exactly how this book ended up on my radar – I believe I was first pointed towards after I expressed some dissatisfaction with this year’s Hugo nominees as something that would have been a more deserving inclusion on the short list. Certainly I’d never heard Jimenez’s name before picking it up. Entirely happy I did, anyway – whoever first rec’d it yes, this does deserve a Hugo nod way more than some of the other nominations.
The plot itself is quite well done, but absent any of the stylistic flourish wouldn’t really have been anything that memorable. The layered framing devices – and the way that they intrude on the narrative in a hundred different ways, switching from depicting the action to saying how it was staged and presented or how the narrator heard the tale told – are really just fantastically well done, enough that even when it got all meta and self-referential I was still enjoying it more than enough to just go with it.
Not that our heroes aren’t fun in their own right. They’re both at times profoundly unlikable, and other times utter idiots, and always totally and completely incapable of intelligibly expressing their feelings. It’s great, love them. Even if on occasion I also wanted to throw rocks at them. The main supporting cast – or at least Defect the tortoise and the moon/empress herself – are even better, really.
Though as far as characterization goes its the extras where the book really shines. It has a trick I really, really like where little snippets of the internal monologue or history of some fellow traveller on the road or sentry being gutter from behind are interspersed into the action in italics like this. Diegetically this would be the chorus in the theatrical performance, but regardless it does a shocking amount to make the world feel like it’s full of actual people and not just mannequins forming a backdrop for the characters who matter.
The book fits into the honourable tradition of modern SFF with cool-eyed and unsentimental portrayals of feudalism/imperialism, war crimes and general oppression (including in this case very plot-relevant and character-informing ableism) but only a vague and attenuated sort of 21st century homophobia, if that. Like all modern queer genrefic it’s also at least kind of in conversation with the looming shadow of Burying Your Gays, with a bait and switch tragic heroic sacrifice that seemed very conscious and pointed.
The framing devices lend themselves well to the book being written in a kind of mythic register, which I very much enjoyed. The epilogue felt like an intrusion of history on mythology, and I do mean that as a compliment, full of messiness and ambiguity and short on heroes and golden ages or utopias. Overall very much enjoyed the book, perfect reading for being stuck in a waiting room for a passport renewal.
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swearyshera · 1 year
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Alice,
I've loved being able to read Sweary She-Ra through the years. I happened upon it only a few months after finishing She-Ra (I was late to the party due to not having Netflix, oops), and it gave me so much wonderful content to keep my excitement for the series alive.
The way you explored the characters, especially Catra's mental health and her relationship with Shadow Weaver, helped give me a new understanding and greater appreciation of them. I bring up Catra specifically because, I'll be honest, I wasn't a big Catra fan for awhile. I liked her well enough, then kinda didn't in season 4, but grew fond of her again around season 5. But you helped me understand her thought-process, and I came to like her more because of it. I really like that you also handled her in a nuanced way, where, as you've said many times, you explained her behavior without excusing it, and that made all the difference.
One of the things I really appreciated about your take on She-Ra was how apparent your intelligence was, as well as your writing skill. It wasn't just "Catra says fuck and Glimmer has killed dozens," even though it could have been--you went the extra mile (or kilometer, since you're British :P) and gave us a variety of jokes, as well as mood shifts from comedic to tragic to dramatic to hopeful. All of the characters felt like themselves, even though they were pushed up to 11 and had some creative liberties taken, such as Frosta being a demon and Hordak's Geordie accent. You had a good handle on all of them, which can be very hard to do with a large cast, especially one written by another writer.
I also really appreciated that you took the time to answer asks and build a community here. It gave us lovely jokes such as Bob (that's right, I haven't forgotten about him), Catra's age, and Entrapta reading our comments. I've always been very shy online, but seeing you having such nice interactions with fans helped me open up, and I'm glad I did! I used to ask anonymously from time to time (yes, my first ask was about DT, all the way back during your start on season one, what else would it be? XD), and I'm glad I've gotten to chat and joke with you, as have the rest of us.
I'm so glad that you stuck with this and created such a wonderful fan-series. We never got a movie, but this was just as good, in my opinion. It was like watching SPOP for the first time all over again. I'm excited to see what you create next, be it SPOP-related or not. I hope the future has great things in store for you.
You brought us laughs, tears, and spectacular Glimmer-swears, and your blog means so much to so many people. You mean so much to so many people. I hope you find success in your future endeavors!
FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!
What can I say, it's truly been an honour (of Gayskull) to write something that I had no idea brought so much to many people. I'm genuinely quite humbled by the reaction.
I always wanted to be fair to all the characters, to show their reasons without necessarily validating the invalid stuff that they've done, and that particularly came across with Catra. It's no secret that I see a lot of parallels between her and my own history, but I've applied the same take-no-shit but be kind approach that I took with myself over the years. And I've learned a lot about mental health during that time, so I could give that sometimes painful realism, but also know just how to make fun of it in the right way.
In some ways, I feel like the characters I've written have taken on their own personality that's very distinct from the original, and that's probably why I think there's a little more mileage in them yet. Both in terms of original stuff (my pilot script Snowflakes has almost 1:1 versions of DT and Perfuma!), but also in the possibility for creating more Sweary stuff, and that is slowly taking shape - although I am taking it easy for a bit, I've already outlined a story which I'd love to make into an audio drama. Currently workshopping it with a couple of people, so watch this space...
It has been a joy to get so many asks from people, yourself included, and my inbox will always be open. I'm not going anywhere for a while! You were very much my DT-asker-in-chief, and I'm super glad you enjoyed their scenes (heck, you even got them a cameo at the end!). So thank you immensely for the support.
I'm happy I've been able to contribute to a wonderful fandom in such a way, and I'm eager to keep on giving back to a community that has given me so many amazing friends.
FOR THE HONOR OF GAYSKULL!
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aquaburst3 · 9 months
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I've seen TikToks where people dunk on Rollo and Honest Fellow, and others, mainly in the Spanish and JP fandoms, being confused about this reaction. To play devil's advocate, the main reason is how the game handled them and that they're poorly written characters. I can pinpoint a few reasons why that is...
Honest Fellow: His motivations to make him sympathetic and his actions are at odds with one another.
In that arc, Honest Fellow gleefully turns people into puppets to sell off to the highest bidder, even hinting at some people using them for sexual pleasure in the JP version. Why is he doing this? Because the school system is hard and he wants to get back at rich people. Yes, really. That's one of the dumbest villain motivations I ever heard! How does that justify what he did or put his actions into perspective? He's a human trafficker! By making the reason why he's doing this something so disconnected from the story makes him seem like a sociopathic monster on par with the Coachman. It's like if someone murdered your pet and said they did that because had a hard time in school. That's horrible, but that has nothing to do with that action nor does that make you like that more any more.
(Personally, if I was writing this arc, I would've made his boss the TWST Coachman, who is threatening to turn Giddel into a puppet if he doesn't do what he says. That makes far more sense, and makes his actions more understandable. I think a lot of us had shitty bosses that forced us to do things we disagreed with or would do a horrible act to protect a loved one. It makes him more like his movie counterpart due to Honest John and Gideon being threatened by the Coachman to convince Pinocchio to come to Pleasure Island, despite Honest John thinking it was fucked up. Idk, that's just me.)
Rollo: While he's better written than Honest Fellow due to his motivations at least making sense, he's still not the best written character either. Shitty and lazy character name aside, being a woobie and not adapting the character in a...questionable manner.
A woobie, for those of you who don't know, is an older fandom term used to describe bland pretty characters with a tragic backstory that the author expects you to feel sorry for them and get away with everything. Oh, boy. Does he fit that definition in spades. He's pretty bland. His only real standout personality traits are that he hates magic and the fae, prideful, traditional and possibly athletic. That's it. He has a sad backstory where his brother died in a fire after his magic got out of control. Fine, that's cliche, but it works. Hell, it's kinda clever in a sense where it's inspired by the Hunchback of Notre Dame off-broadway musical. Characters like Idia point out the hypocrisy in Rollo's ideology and that he is really doing this thanks to his own guilt for his brother's death, which is a good thing. The problem is, outside of him being boring as a character, that despite wanting to suck out all of the magic in the world, he got away with it scott free, and his only form of "punishment" was living with the guilt of knowing everyone thinking that he was some sort of hero…despite Malleus wanting revenge on him five minutes earlier. (I don't get it either.) I think a lot of this problem plays into a reoccurring one the game has a whole—the character stagnation and Yana's utter unwillingness to let them face any consequences for their actions. Rollo is also prejudice against the fae if him covering his nose whenever he's around one is to be concerned, which is also never addressed.
I think the way he was handled was in poor taste. Frollo is one of the most realistic villains in the Disney canon and is triggering to a lot of westerners due to his ties with the Catholic church. Unlike the other Great Seven, there's no way to possibly turn his story to make him seem like a hero nor are their any admirable traits. The fact of the matter is that by making Noble Bell honoured after Frollo, who is such a realistic character and is tied up in a lot of religious baggage for westerners, the game is glorifying his actions to an extent. While I know Christianity is a minor religion in Japan, so adding Christian elements to "spice things up" is common in anime, the developers know that the game is being distributed internationally and should've known better. The game should've made Rollo like the staff where he has no dorm or school honoured after his counterpart. That would've lessened the impact a lot.
Both of them: Like I said with Rollo, they completely get away with their crimes, despite everything they did. That is asinine. All actions have punishments, and that goes for them. Plus, the NRC boys are based on villains! Wouldn't they want to exact their revenge on them, especially in Honest Fellow's case who wanted to turn them into living household items and sex dolls! You are based on villains, act like it!
(This is also a huge problem with the game as a whole, but I wrote other posts about that before, so I don't wanna get into it here.)
So, yeah. There reasons why many English speaking fans dislike or despise these characters. Hell, if anything the reason why they are so beloved in JP and Spanish fandom circles is more bizarre to me. I get it. Honest Fellow is hot. But outside of that...Really? So I guess it goes both ways and we can be baffled at each other's choices. xD
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sweetestkimmy · 5 months
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Serdar Hararovich
Fear of Abandonment in Adult Relationships
When you have a fear of abandonment (For eg., if you lean towards Anxious Attachment, that's the underlying fear), your brain becomes hypervigilant.
You may start to see abandonment happening, even if it's not happening. You will FEEL it happening, even if it's not happening.
A partner's temporary distraction, or lack of response?
This can be felt from the lens of abandonment, rather than the lens of understanding and inner security.
A partner's need for space?
This can be felt from the lens of fear, rather than a secure acceptance of their needs.
A partner is not ready to commit?
This will be felt from the lens of abandonment, rather than the Secure knowing that genuine & lasting commitment takes time to be sure of - from both sides.
These interpretations and feelings have an impact on how you show up to the connection. You may feel angry, resentful or withdraw your love from the person as a result of the distressing feelings arising in you.
This is not intentional nor malicious. It is the tragic cause and effect of early childhood wounds and the protective mechanisms that helped back then, but which hurt now.
Yet this often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What are the chances your partner will be more responsive, if you find it hard to accept their separate needs because of how painful it feels?
What are the chances a person will commit to you wholeheartedly, when they feel your resentment towards them, not your love?
These unaddressed wounds from the past can and do create self-fulfilling prophecies in countless relationships.
To acknowledge this reality is not about shaming our humanity: it's about illuminating a sad but common truth so that new possibilities can be created in life.
It's also true that the other person can have their OWN wounds that are playing out in the connection too. But healing requires taking responsibility for one's own side of the dynamic.
It doesn't have to be this way. We are not destined to repeat the old scripts of the past like this. Committing to healing work is a choice that everyone gets to make (or not make). It requires a commitment to throwing out that old script and writing a new one.
We can create a new story. One of secure, deep, soulful relating, where you get to experience the depths of love that you have always desired. And to be able to fully receive it.
Secure Attachment means that you get to have a choice. Instead of unconscious fears controlling how you feel and respond to challenging situations, you can feel deeply secure in yourself and respond from your most mature self. You get to be in your RESPONSIVE self, not just the REACTIVE self.
I believe that everyone deserves this. As powerful as old fears can be, I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity of no longer allowing their past to determine their future. Everyone deserves to be able to overcome the blockages that we can ALL have to true love.
I don't say this lightly: true intimacy and secure love is every human being's sacred birthright. Everything I write and everything I do is based on this conviction. I believe that, to honour that birthright, no stone should be left unturned in that journey of giving ourselves every opportunity to experience it.
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thelordofgifs · 1 year
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Obscure Tolkien Blorbo: Round 1
Daeron vs Andreth
Daeron:
The minstrel of Doriath, noted for his invention of the Cirth and his friendship with (and betrayal of) Lúthien.
Daeron propaganda! If I had to sum it up in a few words I’d say “tragic sad musician! imagine the banger songs he’d write!” It pains to say this, but the Silm does say he was better than Maglor. And we all love Maglor and his song possibilities. So, Daeron here can upstage the Nolodantë—if we aren’t taking that as bias! How cool! Wandering off on your own and composing sad and beautiful songs is an artist MOOD. The Luthien thing was a little weird but at least sympathize with the sad unrequited.
The mans was an amazing musician and would have been giving our man Maglor a run for his money anyday. I think he's awesome and I would vote for him and his big heart 100 times over. I love that he's one of the characters with the obscure "deaths" where he simply disappears. I always love to dabble in the "what ifs" of their survival. But anyway, I might be (am) super biased because of ancient roleplay.
He is the greatest minstrel from the elven tribe distinguished for its musical talent. But the best part is he's Sindarin. He’s the one precious example of an elf who never saw the light of the Trees being extraordinary. Also, Tolkien gave him the honour of inventing an alphabet, the Certhas Daeron. Not just anyone gets to be a linguistic inventor in Tolkien’s mythology. As far as I’m concerned, his musical skill combined with his linguistic ability make him a JRRT-approved blorbo. As for his obvious fault (betraying Lúthien), in the Lay of Leithian, he, repenting for forgiven, helps Lúthien escape. She requests a loom (that she will use to weave her hair into her magic cloak) and he, despite fearing ”the fell purpose of her art” says nothing. He lets her go. And then he removes himself from the story, because it’s no longer about him. He invented the wandering, despairing, repentant minstrelsy lifestyle while Maglor was still happily kinslaying. He’s so misunderstood. He deserves this.
Andreth:
A woman of the First Age, one of the central characters of the Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth. In her youth she had a romance with Finrod’s brother Aegnor.
She's wise, she's angry, she's bitter, she's everything to me. Blorbo to end all blorbos.
Old philosopher woman who challenges elves about their understanding of reality
Round 1 masterpost
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hyeahgaku · 9 months
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Satoru Yotsumura appreciation post🙏
The former founding member of the Order & Emeritus Professor of the Japan Clear Creation (JCC), who is now forced to live as a fugitive after his banishment from the JAA.
He was also... a loving husband and father; a family man.
Yotsumura's backstory was pretty tragic I'm sure we can all agree. Up till today, I'm still amazed at how Suzuki-sensei was able to stir my emotions solely with the flashback illustrations of him & his family. The narrative we got wasn't much, yet Sensei established in just one chapter how dearly Yotsumura loved & cared for his family. How precious they were to him. Indeed, pictures do speak thousands of words.
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During the scene where Yotsumura was falling into the river after Shishiba defeated him, his thoughts were shown to be of Amane, Shishiba back in the days (with his ponytail), followed by lastly his wife Shino. I still wonder if the order matters here, and I personally think it does. Honestly speaking, I really liked this bit about seeing Shishiba appear in his thoughts as he was "dying". It shows just how important Shishiba must be in his life too, aside from his son and wife. Note that present tense "must be".
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Of course he's important, cuz otherwise why would Yotsumura have invited Shishiba over for dinner & let him meet his family? He was pissed when Asaki, a high-ranking JAA exec & probs the no. 3 at that time, brought up about Amane -to the extent that he even threatened to kill him. And yet this cold-hearted, blonde ponytail dude got invited over to their home for dinner & had the honour to meet his family. Not only that, Yotsumura even begged Shishiba to help look out for his family if something bad were to happen to him. This goes to show that he must have had a high level of trust in Shishiba. (And if I'm not mistaken, he trusts Sakamoto too since Sakamoto knew about Amane as well.)
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It's unfortunate that Yotsumura was robbed of his chance to be an otherwise great father to Amane while the little boy was growing up. This man even got betrayed by the one woman he loved so much & trusted. And then he got framed by the organisation he was working for. When his trusted apprentice came to seek for the truth, Yotsumura neither defended himself nor provided an explanation or the true story, instead he told Shishiba to not ask questions & that his job was just to kill.
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What goes around will truly come back around. Yotsumura made his life off killing other people and, unlike Sakamoto, he chose not to leave his assassin profession -which is a big mistake on his part cuz it goes back full circle to himself & his beloved family. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for him to kill Shino, but being the loving & caring dad he is, he did not hesitate & finished her off cuz that meant saving his own son's life; an innocent child. This aside, what actually made me sick to the core is seeing how Shino showed no remorse until her last breath; she didn't even apologise for her actions. Which means, she truly married Yotsumura to serve her own purpose in the "revolution" that she's a part of. It's insane.
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When he first met Shishiba, Yotsumura taught him that, in order to survive in their world, one should surround themself with people whom they're fine with dying. But after it got revealed he has a family of his own, Yotsumura added, "The key to surviving in this world is your dedication to protecting what you care about." I think this is bittersweet especially with what fate had in store for Yotsumura. He preaches both ideology, so it seems, and at the back of his mind he might have already been ready for anyone around him dying, though it's certain that he'd go extra lengths to prevent that from happening. And yet fate has arranged for him in such a way that he would end up losing everything. (Which, once again, shows that assassins are better off alone & have no families.)
Well, not really everything actually cuz thankfully young Amane was still alive back then & Yotsumura knew that he can't put his loved ones in danger so he had no choice but to leave his precious son behind & continued on to live his life as a wanted man. Even if it means Amane would remember him as a deadbeat dad.
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Yotsumura has gone thru so much hell. And now he's working behind-the-scenes for Nagumo, who unexpectedly rescued him from death & has offered him a pretty decent deal. Hopefully… Yotsumura would be able to reunite & live with his precious son Amane again -as Nagumo had promised. I'm absolutely sure Amane would love for this chance too🙏
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