#they changed ryan's character so much since the reading i was so worried this song would be cut

[erikahenningsen]

Teeth | February 21, 2024 | First preview

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[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

May I rant here for a sec? My parents are just- really frustrating me lately., and they're being shitty about my gender, and- ugh...

For the record, I don't live with my parents. I am very comfortable and confident in the labels I have chosen to identify with, and ain't nobody's opinions gonna be able to change shit. Also, the entirety of my family are Christians. I'm a Christian, and I get that gender stuff can be a bit of complicated situation, but still...

I came out, gender wise, almost a year ago. I came out as a demi girl (which has since changed to bigender, but I haven't told them cuz they don't give a flying fuck anyways) and that I was using she/her and he/him, as well as using two names (my birth name and a new one), all used interchangeably. They responded with the expected "we still love you no matter what" bullshit and I just, gggrrrrrrrr!

(My sister wins for best response to that coming out, tho. She replied, and I quote, "lol well duh" XD)

Additional note: I have done no actual, physical or hormonal transitioning, and idk if I ever will. I'm trying to present more masc because I want to be perceived as more gn or masc. I'm not great at it, but that's my current 'transitioning' status.

Now, I am pretty aggressive when it comes to people, my family included, misgendering other people. My friends, my partner, etc. Don't misgender people or I am going to correct you. And if you keep doing it wrong without effort to improve, I WILL make you uncomfortable for fucking up! ... However, I don't know how to do that with myself...

It's really hard with my parents, still using she/her, because they're not technically wrong, but... I wish I had the guts to tell them, "you calling me she/her because those are still my pronouns is different than you using she/her because you refuse to use he/him". And they're never explicitly transphobic (like, they've never said anything like "I don't like trans people" or anything) but they also obviously don't accept it, or like it, or like if I bring trans/queer anything up.

Like, on Sunday I was at my parents' for father's day, scrolling through Pinterest, and a post came up. Talkin about how 'according to Mulan, you need blah blah blah to be a man (ya know the song). You do not need a penis of any sort' and I thought it was kinda fun, so I read it out loud and my dad's instant response was, "ha, yes you do <need a penis>" ... (My partner was there, and apparently I noticeably deflated at that comment and didn't get better until we went home...)

And today, I was talking to my mom about our little vacation we're going on in July to see her side of the family, and I mentioned, "Heh, I don't think I've come out to Uncle Russ. Uncle Ryan guessed it, and I came out to grandma, but not Uncle Russ" and I said it really lightheartedly cuz I found it kinda like a 'haha, oops!' and she just- in the most dismissive tone, replied, "yeah, I wouldn't worry about it", as if it doesn't even matter! Like, fuck, it just hurts! It fucking hurts me!

Back in March, I was feeling super stressed about my birthday (autism brain(I think) finds birthdays super super stressful. I can't handle the surprise of gifts, and people expecting certain reactions, and- ugh! No. Do not like. I have had at least one mental breakdown around my birthday every year for- idek how many years now. A lot.) and it was a lot of because I was worried about having to spend time with my parents, and them calling me she/her in a way that just still feels like misgendering somehow. And I was so desperate for some validation that I wrote myself a paragraph using both my names and all my pronouns with some encouraging words as if it were a social media post for my birthday written by Oikawa (I don't even simp for oikawa, btw, but pls, I want to be his friend, we would be such great buddies and we would cause so much chaos!) I know that writing stuff about ourselves/others interacting with fictional characters to make ourselves/others feel better is normal around here, but I think for 'normal people' it's weird, and I wish I could be able to tell my parents that I had to do that, and that in general they would understand how much their dismissive attitude hurts me. And it just gets worse and worse the more they do it.

.

I'm really sorry for such a long post. I'm just- I'm not constantly frustrated by this, but I get more and more annoyed and upset each time it happens. And as much as I hope I'm wrong some day, I've basically accepted that they're never going to do it right. To them, I'm never going to be "I was talking to him, and ___". I'm never going to be "my oldest son___" (or 'child'! Even just gn is better than nothing!) I'm just- not actually me...

- Dragon anon

First off, Dragon anon please always feel free to rant to me/us! It feels so awesome that people trust me/this blog to share their daily issues with. That's a huge sign of trust and I love it! It makes my mom heart happy!

I'm sorry your family is struggling with this acceptance. It's hard enough dealing with accepting our own identity and then to have our family not accept that is tough.

I'm so proud of you for all that you've processed and been thought in your identity journey. You are right, it can be very complicated for not only you but for your family. And i feel like if they communicated that difficulty, it would be different. But for them to not even try, I feel lile that's not respectful of you.

I'm going to share a little of my youngest kiddos journey with you. So she (current preferred pronoun) was afab. She was diagnosed with Autism at 2 and has been genderfluid/non-binary/bi-gender since. It's actually very common for people onto he spectrum to identify as genderfluid (as told to me by her psychologist). At one point, she wanted to be referred to as a he. So we did that. I told everyone her preferred pronou was "he/him" and to act accordingly. Now she's decided she was "she/her" and to dress more masculine. I've accepted this and accommodated as much as I possibly can. My oldest (he/him) often had troubles with pronouns and sees everyone has "him" which we are working on.

The point here is that your family should respect your preferences. It's not their life that's being affected it's yours. And respect goes deeper than just being cordial or nice. It's respecting people's preferences. I'm so glad you are helpful with it comes to other people's pronouns because being misgendered and/or the wrong pronoun can be harmful not to mention disrespectful. I think you should take the same approach with yourself. Value yourself like you value the others around you because you deserve that respect. If your mom identifies as "she/her" and you just started calling her "he/him" she'd probably get offended and that same principle should apply to you.

I know pronouns/gender/sexuality can be confusing but I'm the type of person to ask questions or Google when I don't understand something. You cannot fault someone for asking a question about something they don't understand and knowing you as I do, I think you'd appreciate them taking the effort to do so.

I hope this helps in some way. Again I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Accepting yourself is hard enough without dealing with outside influences.

Just know you are always accepted here as you are and we love and care about you very much 🥰

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x10-- And the violence spread.

So, that’s it for season five. I’m still trying to sort out how I feel about the season as a whole and Wackner’s arc. I’m hopeful that writing this will help me decide.

This episode has a Previously, and it’s rather conventional. I’m guessing it’s here to bookend the season, with conveying information being only a secondary objective.  

Did we see Rivi scream, “You’re done, Wacko, you’re done! Canceled! Canceled!” in the last episode or is that new to this previously? I feel like I absolutely would’ve had things to say about a) Wackner being called “Wacko,” which has been RIGHT THERE this whole time, and b) the use of “Canceled,” which is a thing Rivi would never say but is VERY thematic (you know, cancel culture and also Wackner having a TV show and also this being a TV show that’s wrapping up* Wackner’s arc).

* The way things end this episode, I’d say we’re done with Wackner. The Kings have said they aren’t sure about the plan for season six, so never say never, but I think that if we see Wackner again, it will be as part of a different arc.  

I went back to 5x09 and while we do see the same shots of Rivi screaming, whatever he’s saying in 5x09 is in Spanish. So either he was saying this in Spanish or the dialogue here is totally new.  

I’m a little sad that I knew in advance Robert King had directed this episode, because I want to know how long it would’ve taken me to guess. I’d like to think this first shot, of Diane flopping down on her bed in a very pretty floral print dress, then Kurt flopping down in the opposite direction, would’ve given it away. We usually don’t get shots that are both striking and kinda balanced unless RK’s directing.  

This also has some big season three opener vibes—the scene where Diane turns to Kurt and says, “I’m happy,” thus jinxing the entire season.  

Diane and Kurt are about to go on vacation, which means, of course, that Diane and Kurt are definitely not about to go on vacation. I’ve watched 12 seasons of this show; I know all the tricks!  

If I didn’t get it from the initial staging of the opening shot, the camera panning to Diane and Kurt’s suitcases and then back would’ve been another clue that RK directed. He ALWAYS has the camera in motion.  

I love that Diane’s travel outfit is a dress you could wear to a fancy party and a statement necklace. Of course it is.

And if I needed evidence that RK and MK wrote this episode (which I didn’t; it is a finale so I knew they wrote it), Diane quoting Waiting for Godot is a clue there.  

I really should read Waiting for Godot, shouldn’t I?  

“Wow. Educated and a good lay,” Kurt responds. I know that the political stuff between Diane and Kurt can get more than a little murky, but banter like this reminds me why they stay together and why politics never drive them apart. Also, it’s really nice to see Diane and Kurt have some fun banter that isn’t about politics.  

And Diane making kissing noises and asking Kurt to meet her halfway! This just feels like I’m spying on someone’s private life and I love it. Not in a voyeuristic way, since this is actually a little uncomfortably private, but in a, “ah, yes, these do feel like real people” way. This is the kind of “a little goes a long way” character moment I always want more of, and Kings episodes ALWAYS include stuff like this.

And there it is. The phone rings as Diane and Kurt are about to start out for the airport. Diane thinks the call must be for Kurt, but it’s for her. It’s a very flustered Liz, informing her that STR Laurie’s execs are on their way to the office for a surprise visit.

If the Diane/Kurt scene didn’t tell me that Robert King directed, I almost certainly would’ve gotten it from the sudden cut to Liz, walking through the hallways and doing a million things at once with a ton of background noise. No one loves chaos the way Robert King loves chaos.  

This episode STRONGLY reminds me of the Wife season five finale. It is equally chaotic and also spins a ton of plates. But, mostly, the similarity I see between the two episodes is that they are both extremely fun and captivating to watch because of how much momentum they have, but everything just feels slightly hollow and not exactly focused on the thing you want to see.  

(Shout out to my friend Ryan, who messaged me the 5x22 comparison before I could message it to him!)  

I decided I should rewatch the first few minutes of 5x22. I am now 15 minutes into 5x22 of Wife and 2 minutes into 5x10 of Fight. Oops.  

Apparently, STR Laurie planned a surprise visit because they heard RL was dysfunctional. You don’t say!  

I felt like 5x09 concluded with STR Laurie being won over by Allegra and the RL team, so this is a bit of a surprising place to start the episode. But, since Diane seems surprised too, I’ll allow it.  

Now Liz and Diane have 90 minutes to agree on a financial plan! Kurt’s on the phone with the airline before Diane even hangs up with Liz.  

Diane is determined not to lose out on her vacation and asks Kurt to change the flight to 8:00. “Kurt, we are going on this vacation if it kills me!” is a line I would worry was foreshadowing on basically any other show.

The RL/STRL PowerPoint template is pretty ugly. They want to call 2021 their best year yet, thanks to the deal between Rivi and Plum Meadow Farms we saw last week. Even though we saw champagne and signatures, the deal isn’t done yet because Plum Meadow can back out if Rivi goes to jail.

RK also loves close-ups more than any other director on the show; I do not love close-ups.  

The Plum Meadow deal is such a big deal that for the quarter, they go from $45 million to $5 million without it. They should just not say numbers. I can believe it’s big enough to take them from a modest profit to being behind projections or whatever, but I can’t believe that they have $5 million in other business and $40 million on this one deal.  

It seems that Rivi was arrested. I don’t think it is ever said in this episode why. I assume the arrest relates to his behavior in Wackner’s court, since there were police officers there, and I suppose that Rivi is a big enough deal the police would actually take him to real court, but are we not going to address the weirdness of Rivi being arrested in a fake court where his employees are being tried, then taken to a real court by the same people who just an episode ago were disillusioned with real court? This seems like a plot point.

Carmen on a frantic phone call in the backseat of a car feels very 7x22.  

Who is James that Carmen has in her contacts!? And why does everyone always put Liz in their contacts as “Elizabeth Reddick” when everyone calls her Liz?  

Carmen calls Marissa to go argue in Vinetta’s court since she’s on Rivi duty. Carmen doesn’t take Marissa’s job in Wackner’s court seriously and then notes that this instruction is coming straight from Liz, so Marissa falls in line.  

Wackner’s case of the week is about rural Illinois wanting to form its own state separate from Chicago. There’s a farmer who feels like his tax money is only going to the big city and he wants it to stay in his community.  

They’ve just now added stage lighting to the set of Wackner Rules, dunno why they wouldn’t have done that earlier!

I don’t know what standing you’d have to have to bring a case about wanting to divide the state in two to court, or if this is even something a court would or should decide, but, sure, Wackner and Cord, go for it. There are no rules!  

This map splitting Illinois into two new states that Cord is holding is a dumb prop because Galena, where this farmer is from, is in the same section as Chicago. Do I pause every reference to Chicago on this show and then google information to see if the writers bothered to look it up or pretend they’ve ever set foot in Chicago? You know I do.

“Secession!” the audience screams. Does the audience of Wackner Rules really want to see this?

A Good Fight Short! And it really is short: “Stop this obsession with secession and breaking up the Union. It’s boring and it’s dumb, end of song.” I feel like that’s the thesis statement for this episode, or one of them (that this episode seems to have about ten thesis statements is kind of my problem with this episode, tbh). This episode is very much about danger of things becoming too fractured—the COTW, the copycat courts, the firm drama—and I feel like the writers come around to just saying no, this is enough, we need structure and consistency.

But more on that later. MUCH more on that later.

Marissa is swearing more because “the world has required it.” She notes this to Wackner as she calls him out on the secession case. Cord barges in.

Take a look at the employee of the month poster on the back of the door at 5:39. Then at 5:40, look at what’s in the box just to the right of the center of the screen: it’s an employee of the month poster with Wackner on it! Cute easter egg. (Would Marissa definitely notice this and have questions? Yes. Is this here as a cute easter egg for eagle-eyed fans? Almost certainly.)  

“Insane is just one step away from reality if you get people to believe, and you know what makes people believe? TV.” Cord explains when Marissa asks how they can possibly be litigating this case. That’s thesis statements two and three, folks. The first is that if you get people to believe, then anything is possible, which sounds like a tagline for a Disney movie but is actually super dangerous; the second is that reality TV is a way to persuade people and change opinions.  

So we’ve got: (1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. Let’s see if there are more.

(Yes, these theses do kind of add up to a whole—The rules don’t matter, so if you persuade people, through reality tv, you get factions of people believing their own sets of rules and facts—but what I'm interested in tracking throughout this episode is how well the writers actually bring these theses together.)

(And this is setting aside that key themes in previous episodes, that I think many of us were looking for resolution on, included outlining the flaws with the extant “real” justice system and exploring the role of prison in the justice system. From this episode, I don’t think the writers ever intended to really tackle either of those issues. That’s fine—I'm not sure that TGF has something to say about prison abolition and I don’t want a thought experiment where the writers actually try to fix the legal system—but feels a bit disjointed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but 5x08 and 5x09 needed to do a better, clearer job of setting up this finale. The key themes of Wackner’s arc were always present, but they needed to slowly narrow the scope so the resolution felt inevitable and clear. Instead, we spent time on things like parking spaces (when we could’ve had a real plot about how Wackner’s court gains legitimacy through violence, incarceration, and playing on people’s frustration with the real systems) and Del’s focus groups (when we could’ve instead done a plot about Wackner gaining fans who wanted to use his methods to do ill). Everything I just mentioned in the parentheticals is in the show! It’s not subtext! We see it all! We see Cord use violence and prisons to enforce Wackner’s rulings; we see the cops turn to Wackner out of frustration; we see that the people drawn to Wackner Rules and to Wackner’s court are increasingly sounding more and more like right-wing populists! I can’t be too hard on this arc because, again, all these ideas are there. I’m not coming up with them on my own!)

I’m just saying: this ending would’ve been a lot clearer and a lot more interesting had the writers focused on what I mentioned above instead of the distractions of the last two episodes.  

Whew, that was a ramble. Hope you’re ready for more rambles.

On a similar note, I’d like to reiterate my problems with how the writers used Marissa after the private prison reveal. I don’t have much more to say than what I wrote last week, but it’s another example of the same problem. Marissa objecting to Wackner’s court because she notices what it’s becoming and how Cord plans to use it for political gain (two Illinoises (??) changes the Senate and the Electoral College...) always was going to be part of the endgame. Marissa only seriously objecting after the fourth or fifth line Wackner crosses feels bizarre.  

Cord does NOT like that there is another court, and wants to protect Wackner’s IP. Wackner, as we saw last episode, does not feel threatened by the other court. In fact, he seems to be excited by it.  

I love Liz questioning Diane’s outfit like it’s unprofessional. It’s a little low-cut and showy, but I don’t think unprofessional is the word I’d use for it.  

Now they have 45 minutes to decide The Future Of The Firm and Diane wants to be considered a name partner. Oh, that debate is still raging?! Every time I think it’s done it comes back, which should probably be a sign to Diane that her options are to leave and start something new, jettison Madeline and the others, or step down. Staying on as name partner and calling it a black firm is just not an option.  

“Diane, there is a split in the firm that...” Liz starts, before asking some associates to leave the room. Ha! The reveal Liz and Diane aren’t alone is a pretty fun touch.

“The Black equity partners don’t want to be in your work group,” Liz informs Diane. “Because they think they’ll be punished by this firm?” Diane asks. “No, that’s paranoia. We don’t punish here,” Liz responds. “Of course you do. My fracking client. My union client. The Black lawyers who work on those cases—they're considered traitors” Diane says. “Because those CEOs are racists,” Liz counters.

Lots going on here, and I’m not sure I understand it all. Why would the equity partners—who are partners—feel like they’re being punished by being in Diane’s work group? (And also what does a “work group” mean and why haven’t they talked about it in the past?) When Diane starts talking about the lawyers who staff her clients, she’s not talking about equity partners; she is talking about associates.

And people are giving associates shit for working on Diane’s clients whom they happen to be staffed on!? That’s sad, though believable.

“So what do we do? Only bring in clients who can pass the racial smell test?” Diane asks. I mean, actually, yes. IF the goal is to be a black firm and to have that designation mean something in moral terms rather than marketing terms, then yes.  

“It’s okay if you’re a drug kingpin like Rivi, but it’s not okay if you want me as lead attorney?” Diane says. Also, yes. Diane makes good points here.  

“Diane, this is not about you,” Liz counters. Um, sure, but it has to be about something, Liz. Unless you’re trying to build a firm you don’t control that makes 88% of its revenue from a drug dealer (40 million out of 45 million this quarter = 88%; I told you they shouldn’t give me numbers) but happens to have black people in charge, you have to grapple with this question. I don’t think anyone who’s fighting for the firm to be a black-led (not owned, bc STRL) business is the type of person who thinks that having a black-led firm that does all the same shit as any other firm is in itself a good thing, so you NEED to address your client list. Madeline is anti-Rivi, anti-Cord, anti-Wolfe-Coleman (the rapist guy), pro-social justice, and pro having a black led firm.  

“I mean, why... why do white people personalize this?” Liz asks. “Oh, now I’m just a white person?” Diane responds. I... don’t know what to do with this! Liz is right that Diane is taking this personally; Diane is right that Liz needs to deal with the rest of the client list. But no one is saying the things that REALLY need to be said: That all their decisions are meaningless in the shadow of STRL, and that deciding to be a black led firm isn’t the end of the discussion if they haven’t decided what types of clients they want to have.  

“What happened, Liz? Last year we were intent on an all-female-run law firm,” Diane starts. Oh, THIS AGAIN! Diane never learns, does she? She never seems to realize that no one she’s approached with this idea is NEARLY as in love with it as she is. She probably still wonders to herself why Alicia—who partnered with her at the end of season seven basically just because it was the easiest, most frictionless thing to do—didn't seem more committed to their firm.  

“Diane, there is history here that we are trying to...” Liz says, but Diane cuts in to note that women (women like Diane Lockhart!) have history too! In fact, she’s spent “35 years fighting gender discrimination to get to this position.” “And we have spent 400 years fighting racial discrimination to try and, you know...” Liz starts, before cutting herself off to get back to the ticking clock.

Sigh. Just talk about the actual thing instead of talking around the thing, guys. Diane is obviously deserving of A name partnership, in the abstract. This is an undeniable fact. And while Diane is definitely making this about herself rather than the big picture, I don’t think Liz trying to trump Diane’s 35 year career with the history of black people is going to win her any arguments? Like, just say what you mean and say it clearly. What Liz, I think, wants to express is that Diane’s individual accomplishments aren’t the issue here and everyone thinks she’s deserving (though Liz suggested Diane was not deserving a few episodes ago, which I didn’t understand then and don’t understand now). The problem is that Diane is trying to fight a battle that’s about something much larger than herself with, “but I'm a good lawyer!”  

And that’s KIND OF what Liz is saying here, if I add all her sentences up and read between the lines, but, again, why not just say it?  

“Alright, now we have 43 minutes to fix race relations, gender relations. STR Laurie’s gonna fire our asses, and you know it,” Liz says. I am curious what that would look like. Wouldn’t that just mean that STRL wouldn’t control them anymore? I’m sure being fired would be bad and all, but wouldn’t it free them from the contract they wanted out of last year?  

“Let’s split the firm down the middle. I hire half the lawyers, you hire the other half,” Diane suggests. What does this mean? Why are you hiring your employees? Huh?

“You hire the white associates, and I hire the black associates?” Liz confirms. This seems like a very bad idea that would make things a lot worse and open them up to lawsuits! I also still do not know what they’re even talking about. And I don’t know why Allegra isn’t a part of this conversation.

“I’m not saying it’s good. I’m just saying it’s what we’re left with. It's what we can agree on,” Diane says. I really wish I understood what “hire” meant in this context because I don’t understand why they have to split anything or why this has to be done now and I don’t understand why this would possibly be a good solution. Can you imagine the backlash when people realize all the white people report to Diane and all the black people to Liz and that people were taken off of the accounts they’ve worked on for years to accomplish this? And this must be something that the employees would know about eventually; otherwise they could just randomly assign half to Liz and half to Diane.  

I’m sad Madeline isn’t in this episode because I feel like we needed to see more of her POV as well as the associate POV. I don’t really understand the divides at play within the firm or what the staff and other partners are asking for, but I suspect it isn’t this.

Hallucination Jesus is back, and at least there’s actually a point to him this time (he shows up when Jay is in Vinetta’s court and reminds Jay that Vinetta will rule based on her religious beliefs). I still dislike the hallucinations.

Jay advises Marissa, who is Jewish, to talk a lot about Jesus in her defense.  

Charmaine Bingwa is really great as Carmen, and obviously she is not fluent in Spanish, but it’s so funny to me that the only time you can hear that she’s Australian is when she’s trying to say Oscar like she’s speaking Spanish.  

"I know you’re hiding something when you speak English,” Rivi says to Carmen. Heh.  

“Community court” is such a nice, unthreatening term for referring to Wackner and his copy cats. Thanks for that, Carmen!

It’s a smart plan to mention Jesus a lot, I guess, but Jay and Marissa both should’ve realized that Vinetta is too smart to tolerate obvious pandering. I’m a little surprised Jay doesn’t get up and argue since Marissa is, obviously, not familiar with the New Testament.  

Marissa wins this round with facts and logic.

Why is the judge who was handling Rivi’s previous charge now in bond court? Make it make sense.

I like that Carmen calls out the ASA for swearing hahaha  

Why... would this Matteo kid just casually mention he was holding a gun, omg.  

In Vinetta’s court, you can be charged with murder and tried because... you had a gun and also there were murders at other times. Coolcoolcool no problems here.

Community courts for civil cases? Sure. That’s basically arbitration. Community courts for criminal cases? Bad, bad, bad idea.  

Vinetta’s reasoning: “Those murders happened on our street, and the police haven’t convicted anyone because they don’t care. We care. This is self-defense. And how is it different from your court?” Aside from the whole imprisoning people in her basement thing, Vinetta’s not wrong. I almost brought this up last week but hesitated because I couldn’t remember the details enough to decide if I wanted to recommend it, but there’s a book I read a few years ago that seems relevant here: Ghettoside by Jill Leovy. Again, been a while so don’t take this as a wholehearted endorsement or anything, but from what I remember, the central issue at the heart of the book (it’s non-fiction) is that a poor black community (I think in LA?) doesn’t trust the police (in part) because the police don’t solve murders, and then with no way of getting justice through the court system, there’s more violence as a stand-in for justice. https://www.vox.com/2016/8/26/12631962/ghettoside-jill-leovy-black-crime

I’m not sure if that’s QUITE what Vinetta is saying but it seems similar, and it’s a decent point (though not a justification for her court). Why should she trust the system to improve her community when it’s ignored her community for years?

I like that the writers chose two very different, very understandable characters for their community courts. It’s easy to see why Wackner and Vinetta feel the need for alternative courts; it’s easy to see why others would trust them. This arc doesn’t really work unless there’s a legitimate frustration with existing systems...  

Marissa calls Wackner’s court a “joke,” which she should understand by now isn’t the case. (Marissa’s smart; she knew it wasn’t a joke the second she saw David Cord get involved.)  

Vinetta accuses Wackner of copying her court, which alarms Marissa. This isn’t addressed again, and I don’t know if it’s true! I could really go either way on this. On the one hand, I absolutely believe that Wackner saw/heard about it, liked it, and did it himself without thinking much of it—and if this is the case, then the ending where Vinetta gets in trouble for violating Wackner’s IP is a lot more of a gut punch. On the other hand, I don’t really feel like the seeds for this were planted. We see Wackner innovate a lot and try new things and he has an explanation for why he does everything—how much of that is Vinetta? And Vinetta clearly watches the show and likes it or she wouldn’t have recognized Marissa, so it’s a little hard for me to just believe her claim when literally all I know about her is she has a court that looks like Wackner’s and she is aware of and feels positively towards Wackner rules. Also, Wackner knows about Vinetta’s court (from Marissa) and sounded excited about it last episode. Sure, he didn’t necessarily know which one it was, exactly, but I assume if he’d copied the idea and then heard about a case involving people from the exact same community where he found the idea... his reaction would be different. So IDK. My reasons for doubting Vinetta’s claim are probably based a little too much in things I’m not meant to spend that much time paying attention to.  

“I fucked up. It’s in the same court, but now it’s a murder case,” Marissa tells Diane. I do like hearing characters admit when they fucked up!  

Diane hears that STRL is delayed, so she heads out to help Matteo. When she goes to change into her pantsuit, she finds that she’s grabbed Kurt’s bag by mistake. “Of course. That makes sense,” she reacts.  

Diane pushes her flight to the next day, also telling Kurt, “And yes, for some reason, I took your suit instead of mine, so fuck it.” I love it when the characters feel like real people.  

I am not sure why Kurt is getting to the office when Diane is leaving or why Kurt is there—to pick Diane up on the way to the airport, maybe?

Carter Schmidt walks into RL at the worst possible time, threating to blow up the Plum Meadow deal. Another 5x10 to Wife 5x22 similarity: he’s in both episodes.  

Liz heads out to help Carmen with Rivi, and then STRL arrives. Oops.  

Credits!

One thing about Wackner’s court that should definitely be a warning sign even though it seems noble: he ignores just about every warning sign, like this rowdy crowd screaming WE LOVE YOU WACKNER or the potential interests at play in a case about secession, because he thinks his fair judgement can overcome these obstacles. If the world worked that way, there’d be no need for his court in the first place.

Is anyone representing the State of Illinois in this trial? If not, then... how is it happening?  

Dr. Goat, some dude who claims to have some hidden historical document about how Illinois is actually two states, is clearly making stuff up and yet Wackner indulges him and Cord. I feel about this the same way as I feel about the Devil’s Advocate: That Wackner would not allow this to go on for more than five seconds before calling bullshit and therefore there is no reason I should have to sit through it.

Why is some guy screaming, “No taxation without representation” like dude you absolutely have representation. But of course, I’m expecting him to be logical, and the point is that he is not.

Dr. Goat’s Latin phrases—shock!-- don’t actually translate into anything like what he said. Even though this information is verifiable by a quick google search, the crowd starts screaming “Liar!!!!” at Marissa. If only I could say this felt unrealistic.

Wackner asks Dr. Goat to bring in the document.  

“You look like you’re heading to the beach,” Vinetta says to Diane, who looks like she’s heading somewhere but definitely not to the beach. Vinetta asks where Diane was headed on vacation. Diane says she’s headed to Lake Como, and unnecessarily clarifies that “It’s in Italy.” She assumes Vinetta doesn’t know that... but Vinetta does.

“So you’ve been there before?” Vinetta probes when Diane says it’s beautiful there. “Just once. We don’t get away often. We thought we’d splurge,” Diane says. Vinetta stares at her and smiles, and Diane hits her head on a basket that’s hanging in Vinetta’s kitchen. If I just write out the dialogue here, it sounds like a perfectly average conversation, but everything about this conversation is so charged: Diane is afraid to look like a wealthy white woman; Vinetta’s pleasantness is pretty clearly also a way of sizing up Diane.  

Vinetta shows Diane pictures of neighborhood children and young adults killed as a consequence of gang violence. You can see she’s not trying to do anything other than help her community, even if her methods are highly questionable.

Diane argues that Matteo should be given over to the police; Vinetta disagrees: “The police haven’t arrested anyone for those murders, any of these. Since the BLM movement, they’ve pulled back from our streets. No one’s coming to help. That’s why I started this court. It’s not a joke to us.” Wait I’m sorry did Vinetta just blame lack of good detective work in black communities on... the BLM movement?!?!?! Is there any foundation to this!? Why can’t it just be that the police weren’t actually doing a good job of policing/finding justice and were being antagonistic towards the community instead of being helpful and no one trusted them?? That explanation is literally right there.

Jay suggests the Jesus strategy, again.  

“It’s women! We could just move on, install men,” STRL guy says. I don’t know if he’s joking, but ugh. Also, what is RL if it has neither Diane nor Liz? A bunch of lawyers who will all promptly quit when they see their bosses get fired and a few opportunists?  

Kurt is watching golf in Diane’s office, and the STRL people love it. Of course Kurt accidentally makes friends with them.  

Court stuff happens. It’s not good for Rivi, and then Liz and Carmen come up with a theory: Plum Meadow is stalling the deal so they can find Rivi’s more stable second and make a deal with them instead.  

Wackner giving Dr. Goat a single point on his stupid little board, for any reason related to his obviously fake totally unverified document, is dangerous. Why would you signal to a crowd that’s clearly not interested in fact that they have a point? That’s basically egging them on.

I know Wackner’s judgment is obviously not 100% sound—need I remind you of the PRIVATE PRISONS?-- but I thought it was more sound than this.  

Wackner shows off his knowledge of paper and proves that Dr. Goat’s document is a fake. Why... did he just give Dr. Goat a point???  

Or is he moving the point from Dr. Goat to Marissa?  

Dr. Goat sounds like a fake name I would call a character in my recaps long past the point of anyone other than myself remembering the joke. (See: Mr. Elk)

“The truth is ugly. The only thing uglier is not pursuing it,” Wackner tells Marissa. How is taking on a case about very obvious falsehoods, funded by someone with a vested interest in the case, that gets people riled up, some noble pursuit of truth?  

STRL and Kurt are now drinking and discussing hunting, while Diane’s arguing for Matteo in Vinetta’s living room. Vinetta is—as was always obvious, sorry Jay—far too smart to fall for this patronizing bullshit. She screams at Diane and plays back a recording (on a baby monitor) of Diane coaching Matteo to lie about his faith.

Soooooo yeah no you can’t do that, that is bad, recording conversations between lawyers and their clients is not good even if it leads to you exposing their schemes...

Then Vinetta places Diane under arrest, which obviously isn’t going to end well for Vinetta.  

Liz and Carmen suggest a post-nup to Rivi to see if Isabel is planning on turning on him.

“I’m going to have to kill her,” Rivi says sadly. I don’t think Rivi will ever kill Isabel because we already did that with Bishop.  

I’m going to assume that Diane chooses to stay in basement prison instead of calling one of the many, MANY, MANY people she could call to get her out/take down Vinetta because she doesn’t want the situation to be publicized or further deteriorate. That said, it’s really not clear why Diane just accepts being sentenced to basement prison with a cell phone.  

Love the STRL man looking at that picture of Diane and HRC. They’ve gotten so much mileage out of that photo.  

Wackner’s court has no rules, but at least since it has no rules, I can’t complain about how its rules make no sense!  

What is this, debate practice?! Ugggghhhhh I can’t deal with this case for much longer.  

Marissa takes a breath, then decides to pursue a strategy she knows could blow everything up.

“Then why care what Judge Wackner decides? Why should you defer to him? Why defer to anyone?” Cord says that’s the point—the people have decided to trust Wackner. “So if you don’t like this court’s decision, you’ll just start a new one?” Marissa asks. “I guess,” Cord concedes.  

“So then why does this matter? This court?” “It matters only insofar as we continue to agree that it matters,” Cord says. “So if you don’t like Judge Wackner’s rulings, you can just ignore them and create a new court?”

Good point, Marissa. Good point. (Does this count as a thesis?)

“I’m guessing that I will like the way the judge decides,” Cord says. Well, that’s basically a threat.

Wackner takes a break and heads to chambers—without Marissa.  

Kurt goes to visit Diane in basement jail. He’s granted a conjugal visit, which means Matteo gets moved up to the bedroom so Diane and Kurt can have some alone time.

Diane is staring at an image of Lake Como in her cell. I thought it was odd she brought a printout of her vacation destination with her, so I LOVED the line where she explains that Vinetta printed it out for her. COLD. (You know who also would’ve done this if they’d for some reason had a basement prison? Bree Van de Kamp. You know what show DID do a basement prison arc I’d rather forget? Desperate Housewives!)  

I love how Diane responds to basement prison by making jokes non-stop.

“I thought the craziness would end with 2020,” Diane says. Nope.

Kurt brought alcohol; Diane brought pot gummies.  

I love that Kurt has never had pot before. I was going to say that I bet Diane’s had a few experiences with recreational drugs when I remembered we had a whole damn season of Diane microdosing.  

Christine and Gary’s acting and their chemistry really bring these basement prison scenes to life. The writing and directing are really sharp, but it’s the actors who make these scenes something special. You can tell Diane and Kurt love each other a lot. You can tell they’re disappointed about their vacation and exhausted by the chaos of the day. You can tell they’re in disbelief over this situation but also find it funny.  

Didn’t Rivi and Isabel have an adult daughter who died of COVID a few episodes ago? Weird she isn’t mentioned in this scene. Maybe from a different marriage/relationship?

Isabel called the SA’s office because she thinks Rivi’s a threat? I think this is a power play.

Heh, Carmen saying, “Shut a black woman up!?” in disbelief in court. Love it.  

Isabel instead flips her story and supports her husband and fights for his release. With no intervention from Plum Meadow, this gets the judge to free Rivi. I don’t really understand what’s happened here or why. I get the resolution, but I don’t get why Isabel called the SA or why this went away so quickly. I still don’t even get why Rivi’s been arrested.

Diane and Kurt put up Christmas lights for ambiance and talk about how they never go on vacation.

“I wanna see the pyramids on this coast!” drunk & high Kurt insists, hilariously. “I mean hemisphere. I like the Aztecs. They, they care about people.” I’m not going to transcribe the rest of the dialogue because it loses its magic when you’re not watching the scene.  

After some fun banter about travel and movies, Diane changes the topic. “I should quit, shouldn’t I? That judge upstairs? She looked at me like I was the most entitled white bitch on the planet. And that’s the way they look at me at work.”

Kurt tries to say that’s not true, but Diane knows it is: “Yes they do. I’m the top Karen. And why do I care? I mean, I... I could find another firm. I could quit. I can’t impose my will on people who don’t want me.”

YES. I see a lot of debate over what the “right” thing to do is here. But I think we are long past “right” and “wrong.” At a certain point, this stops being about absolute moral truths. If Diane doesn’t have the respect of her partners and employees, that is a very real problem for the firm and for Diane. How can she continue to impose her will on a firm that doesn’t want her, all the while claiming to be an ally? (The back half of that sentence is the most important part.) Forget whether or not Diane “should” have to step down. Forget what’s “fair.” If the non-Diane leadership of RL thinks the firm should be a black firm, and the employees of RL think so too, and Diane just doubles down on her white feminism, she’s creating an even bigger problem for herself and ruining her reputation in the process.  

Kurt stands up on the prison cot and warns Diane she might make a decision she’ll regret. This scene is so cute. Why can’t other shows do drug trips where the characters just act silly and have great chemistry? Why does it always have to be some profound meditation on death whenever characters get high?

“I think I like starting over. I like the chutes and ladders of life. I mean, I want the corner office, but then I wanna slip back to the beginning and fight for the corner office. I mean, I think maybe it’s better that I don’t get the top spot,” Diane says. LOVE to hear her admit this. I’m not sure I would’ve come to this conclusion on my own, and it sounds like it’s a bit more about how the writers like to write (you know, the “we love our characters to always be underdogs”) than Diane, but... you know what? I believe it. I fully believe it. Diane LOVES to fight, LOVES to feel like she’s in the right, LOVES power plays and to be making progress. She LOVES winning. The fact that she isn’t just choosing to retire right now, even though she’s past retirement age and has a great reputation, is in itself enough for me to believe that she would find it fun to repeatedly start over.

Plus, it’s a fun new direction for the show to take in season six, because they’ll get the same sense of conflict without the actual conflict. This season’s arc was firm drama and resulted in a firm name change... but it didn’t feel like a knock-off of Hitting the Fan. Diane trying to work her way back into power (I assume by becoming a better actual ally, otherwise doesn’t she just end up in the same exact situation?) should also provide conflict without being repetitive.

Hahahahahaha Kurt immediately reacting to this serious statement by being incredibly silly and horny and then Diane singing “I Touch Myself” to him, man, I love these two. I want to know the story behind this song choice.

Wackner emerges from his chambers. The score is tied. Wackner calls Cord corrupt and notes that they can’t just decide to call Downstate Illinois a new state based on his ruling. Now it’s thesis time!

“I was taken by Mr. Cord’s arguments of individualism. So much of our country has been built on people finding their own way, not being held back by bureaucracy. Yet, if we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos. And that was not the point of this court. Or at least not my point. Judgment for the defense. There will be no Downstate Illinois.”

“If we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos.” is probably the clearest of the many theses of this episode. To recap, we have:

(1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. (4) Institutions only exist when we collectively agree they exist (5) Individualism = chaos.  

But let’s put a pin in this for now and let the chaos of individualism play out.  

The crowd does not like Wackner’s decision, and decides that an appropriate way to express their displeasure is to make anti-Semitic remarks towards Marissa and then start throwing chairs. What nice people.  

As the crowd goes totally 1/6 on Wackner’s court (thanks for pointing this out to me, Ryan—I cannot believe I didn’t make the connection myself!), the door slamming into the desk finally pays off since Marissa and Wackner are able to use it to keep the crowd from reaching them.  

They immediately turn to the police, or they would, if they could get service. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that as soon as things get bad, they want to involve the existing system.  

Wackner Rules is, somehow, still taping in the midst of all the chaos. I don’t know if I think they’d air this, but someone certainly would. (I wonder if any of the cameras we see in these scenes are actually the cameras filming the other angles of the riot.)  

Cord shakes his head and walks out, unharmed.  

“You think they’ll kill us?” “I think they might,” Marissa and Wackner fret.  

“My dad said the whole world would be a better place if everybody realized they were in the minority. ‘No matter where you are,’ he said, ‘Make sure you keep an eye on the exits, and make sure you’re closer to the exit than the Cossacks are to the entrance.’” Marissa says. Love Eli Gold coming through with thesis number 6 (and maybe thesis number 7).  

“Your dad sounds a little paranoid,” Wackner says, correctly. Remember how I mentioned I accidentally wound up watching 5x22? Eli calls Alicia and responds to her hello with, “DISASTER!!!!” I miss him.

“He was, but he wasn’t wrong. He said, ‘Stay away from parades. They’re cute until they’re not. And don’t trust any pope who was Hitler Youth.” “What’s that law called?” “Godwin’s Law. My dad said anybody who argued for Godwin’s Law has never been near an actual crowd. Crowds love you, they hug you. Then they grab a gun and try to kill you.”

“Why? Why do they do that?” “I don’t know. Hate is fun. It’s clear-cut.”  

I really like all of this. It is a little preachy, but it isn’t wrong and it’s self-aware. And, more importantly, it’s in character. I absolutely believe that Marissa would tell lots of stories about Eli in a moment of extreme stress. It’s nostalgic, probably comforting, and it also helps her feel like she’s on the right side with the right arguments. So, even backed into a corner, she’s still a winner: she has theory on her side.  

Wackner speaks a foreign language (I do not know what language but I wish I did) and says, “A guy could get killed doing this,” which makes him and Marissa laugh as things crash around them.

Idk about you all, but I couldn’t really get myself to actually worry about their safety during this scene. Maybe Wackner’s, just a little, but I got the sense we were supposed to focus more on the chaos and destruction and monologuing than on the actual danger. That’s not to say the stakes didn’t feel high, but rather to say that this didn’t feel like an action sequence where you don’t know what’s going to happen next. The point was to watch the court fall and think about why it fell, not to worry about if Marissa would live.  

Diane and Kurt are woken up by sirens and loud noises. The cops arrive and are shocked to find professionally dressed white people in a basement cell. They let Diane and Kurt out with compassion, but scream, “don’t you fucking move” to the people on the floor.

“It’s okay, they didn’t do anything,” Diane says. This is, as I theorized earlier, probably why Diane just sits there until her punishment blows over instead of escalating things.  

If the cops weren’t there to free Diane, why were they there? Why, because they like David Cord and David Cord has gotten Chicago PD officers to protect Wackner’s IP.  

If I had to say one thing in favor of Vinetta being the originator of the community court idea, it would be that it’s SUCH a gut punch to watch Diane and Kurt walk away from their bizarre little adventure as Vinetta gets arrested in the background, and it hits ten times as hard if Vinetta’s only being charged because some white guy is claiming IP that’s actually hers.

(I think Vinetta is probably, at this point, actually being arrested for imprisoning people illegally, but, still.)

“Pfft. Some judge,” one of the cops who adores Wackner says of Vinetta. Racist much?  

Marissa and Wackner emerge from the backroom. “I think I better get back to work,” she says, meaning her RL job. "Me too,” Wackner says, grabbing a Copy Coop apron. He’s an employee of ten years.  

I don’t think this lands as well as it’s meant to. I think the point is supposed to be that Wackner’s just some guy—not a billionaire, not an academic, not a judge, not a lawyer—with an idea. But it’s a little too neat. And it doesn’t explain how Wackner financed his court initially, nor does it explain why he has basically unlimited access to Copy Coop space and resources. I’d buy it if he were the OWNER of Copy Coop, but I have so many questions about him being an employee.  

Diane tells Liz she’s actually going on vacation this time, and they laugh about how Kurt bonded with STRL.

“I want you and Allegra to be name partners. I’ll be an equity partner,” Diane says. “Why?” Liz asks. “Five years ago, when I hit rock bottom, this firm took me in. So I don’t like the idea of splitting this firm in two. And I can’t lead if no one will follow.” “And your clients?” “We’ll manage them together.” YES! I love this. I don’t love it because I necessarily think it had to go this way, but because it’s so refreshing to see Diane say that she actually is willing to take a step back because she cares about the firm and the people there more than she cares about being a name partner. This isn’t something we usually see. When we hear “this firm took x in” it’s usually being said incredulously against someone who’s decided to leave and steal clients (cough, Hitting the Fan, cough).  

It’s been pretty clear for most of this arc that Diane and Liz like working together and they like their firm, but that no one (other than Diane, I guess) is willing to let RL lose its status as a black firm, and that the employees and equity partners weren’t going to be satisfied until Diane stepped down. Diane really had three options: Stay and piss everyone off and claim the whole firm for herself, quit and go somewhere else and totally abandon the good working dynamic she had, or step down and put her money where her mouth is.  

Also yeah the clients were never actually going to be an issue! They were only an issue because Diane intentionally went about informing them she was stepping down in a way she knew would make them worry!  

“I think I need to prove myself,” Diane says. I’m not sure that’s the key issue or that she can ever prove herself fully, but we’ll worry about that next year.

“I missed you,” Liz says. “I’m here,” Diane replies. “I know. Thank you,” Liz says.  

Diane decides she’s going to move downstairs so Allegra can have her office. I think there’s another office on this floor, since she, Adrian and Liz all had offices. This feels a little bit like Diane’s in love with the idea of making things difficult for herself and maybe hasn’t fully grasped the point, but, you know, I’ll take it.  

Diane tells Kurt her decision and he asks if it was the right thing to do. She says she doesn’t know—but she says it with a smile. Kurt notes he’s going hunting next month with the STRL folks and will put in a good word for her. Ah, yes, because STRL still controls all of this and all of this is moot! Thanks for the reminder Kurt! Diane says she wants in on the hunting trip. Of course.  

And the elevator doors close. Remember how closing elevator doors was a motif earlier this season??? It’s back!

Then we get a little coda with Wackner Rules airing a new episode that’s just violence and destruction. This sequence seems to straddle the line between being there for thematic reasons for the viewers and there to show what happened in the show’s universe, but I think it’s main purpose is theme, so I will not go on a full rant questioning why Del would want to air this.

A white blonde lady in an apron watches the destruction of Wackner Rules. She looks concerned. “That was violet,” she says with dismay. And then we see she’s holding a guy in a jail cell in her kitchen.  

And then we see other courts, as America the Beautiful plays. One’s in a garage debating kicking someone out of the neighborhood; another is across the street about the same case. There’s one in Oregon about secession. There’s one among Tiki Torch Nazis deciding only white people can own property. There’s (inexplicably) one about pronouns. There’s one with arm wrestling, one that happens while sky diving, and a bunch of others. It’s pretty ridiculous, and not necessarily in a good way. It feels at once like the natural extension of the Wackner Rules show and like an over the top parody you’d see on another show. Tiki Torch Nazis screaming “only white people can own property!” is the opposite of subtle writing. Tonally, this sequence feels more like the zany humor of Desperate Housewives or the insanity of BrainDead than anything TGF has done before (and TGF’s been plenty surreal), and it doesn’t quite work for me. It feels like it is trying to prove a point in the corniest, most on the nose way possible. It almost feels like it’s parodying its own plotlines.  

On my first watch, this ending for Wackner left me stumped. I knew the writers were making an argument against individualism (Wackner’s speech + the repeated references to The Apprentice) and cults of personality. But I couldn’t figure out a real life analogue to Wackner’s court, and since this ending was so obviously trying to be About Something, that bugged me. Sure, that last sequence could be an argument against people making community courts, but WERE people making community courts? I didn’t see the urgency.

And then I talked to @mimeparadox. And as soon as he said that it was about factions and people playing by their own sets of rules beyond the justice system, it clicked. I’d been looking for Wackner’s plot to be a commentary on the legal system. It is much broader than that. It’s a commentary on the weakening of democratic systems (the Big Lie, etc.), more broadly, and Wackner and his common-sense approach are just a way to get liberal viewers to go along for the ride.  

Now that I understand the point, or what I think is the point, I like this conclusion. Circumventing the system leads to chaos; that’s why we have institutions and bureaucracy, and I think the show is arguing that these institutions should still be respected despite their flaws. The many theses of this episode all come together to make this point (though the reality TV stuff is a little more tenuous and I'm a little shocked we got through all of this without any commentary on social media?): If we stop having a shared belief in institutions and instead follow individual leaders (whom we may learn about through reality TV), the rules will stop mattering and we’ll end up with a fractured country and widespread violence.  

But, and maybe this is just about me being upset I missed both the obvious 1/6 parallels AND the point of the arc the first time through this episode (my defensive side feels the need to also note I first watched this episode at like 5 am when I was barely awake), I don’t know that I actually think this episode does a great job of driving its point home. There are SO many moving pieces to the Wackner plot and SO many references. There are so many threads we never return to from earlier in the season, and there’s so much that strains credulity (like Wackner taking Dr. Goat seriously for more than a split second). It’s pretty clear what the themes are—even though I’m saying I missed the point my first time through, I've hit on all these themes separately in past recaps and posts—but, I dunno, something about this episode just feels scattered. Maybe it’s all the moving pieces, maybe it’s all the moments where it sounds like the characters are voicing related ideas that don’t quite snap together to form one coherent picture, or maybe it’s that Wackner’s plot gets two endings (the actual ending + the coda) and it’s up to the viewer to put together how they relate.

I really don’t know. At the end of the day, I think there was a little too much going on with Wackner and that the writers needed to use the episodes between the private prison reveal and the finale to narrow—not broaden—the scope of what they were trying to do with Wackner. But I also think that what they were doing with Wackner was really, really smart and original. I don’t think I can overstate how impressed I am that the writers took an idea that sounded, frankly, awful when I first heard about it and turned it into something captivating and insightful that I was happy to spend nine weeks watching.  

Overall, a few bad episodes aside, I thought season five was the strongest season of TGF yet. I haven’t seen this show be so focused in... well, maybe ever. Having two overarching plots that received consistent development and felt like they were happening in the same universe at the same time REALLY helps make season five feel like a coherent whole, and I can’t wait to rewatch it.  

[mai-nonsense]

Basics: 2, 6. Appearance: 4. Personality: 3, 8,9. Background: 1, 5. Relationships: 1, 3, 4, 7. Fun facts: 1, 7, 10.

*claps hands together* Alright! I'm going to do the answers for my Shepards, otherwise I'll be here all week.

2. What does their name mean? Why are they named that?

Jane: The original reason she's named that is because I was too lazy to think of a name so I just went with the default (she was my first ever Shepard), now I Headcannon that she went by Shepard until she joined up with the alliance, so she chose the name Jane because it's the only one that came to mind

Cassidy: I don't really pay attention to what names actually mean when I name characters, but I named her that b/c it's pretty and she just kinda looked like Cassidy

Henri: Henry is a family name on both sides of my family, but I wanted to use it as for a femshep b/c I like androgynous names (partly because I have one, but also because I think there should be more of them in circulation)

Damien: His name was originally Darren but I changed it b/c my sister and mum pointed out that Darren's a bit bogan. And instead of owning it I covered it up like a coward. I renamed him Damien because my favorite Robin is Damian Wayne and litteraly no other reason

Vance: named after the singer Vance Joy, b/c his songs have a lot of emotional significance to me and I like the name

Ryan: he's my only actual Canadian Shepard and my mum and I have a running joke about all Canadians being named Ryan (b/c of Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling etc.) So he's Ryan.

6. What's their star sign, birthstone etc? Does it hold any special significance for them?

All of them besides Vance have Shepard's canon birthday and none of them besides Cassidy have any belief in that kind of thing. Cassidy is a quietly spiritual kind of woman so she likes the whole star sign/ birthstone kind of thing, but she'd never admit out loud.

4. Appearance- How do they carry themselves? What is their default expression?

Jane has resting bitch face. She walks around like she's going to go beat someone up, probably because she usually is.

Cassidy has a very casual, approachable demeanor about her. Her go-to expression is either concern or pouting.

Henri carries herself shoulders back, chin up and head held high. Her usual expression is a mix of serious and thoughtful

Damien carries himself like a serious soldier but with a hint of sadness, he has resting sad face

Vance also walks around like he's looking for a fight and he's usually scowling

Ryan has a cocky swagger and usually has a sideways smile on his face

Personality 3. What are their hobbies and interests?

Jane: Is gun-modding a hobby? Because if so then that's one of them. She genuinely enjoys the combat part of being a soldier and enjoys training herself to be a deadly weapon, a side effect of growing up in the reds most likely. She doesn't really have many interests outside of being a solider, and doesn't really eat anything outside of protein bars and ready-meals.

Cassidy: she likes to mod games in her spare time, and practices her hacking skills a lot in order to keep herself sharp. She has a fondness for Turian and Salarian pop-culture, video games especially.

Henri: Henri likes hard copy books, with old-fashioned dust jackets and everything. Even with new release publications, she'll always go out of her way to find a hard copy if she really wants to read it. She usually reads non-fiction but she's a sucker for a good romance novel.

Damien: Also throws himself into his work so much that he barely has any free time. On the rare occasion that he does, he likes to build things, usually model ships or card towers (which he knocks down immediately after)

Vance: Vance actually really enjoys cooking, it's something he used to do with his mum when he was little so it's his way of keeping her alive in spirit

Ryan: Ryan has a penchant for old earth comic books and music from the 20/21st century, he likes to draw and regularly carries a sketchbook

8. What are their manners like? Any habits?

Jane's manners are atrocious. She's straightforward, tactless and blunt, which gets her in trouble quite a bit. She's not a fan of sparing feelings, if you're doing something that's pissing her off, she'll let you know

Cassidy is also pretty blunt, but has a lot more tact and isn't as crass as Jane. She's nice whenever possible but she doesn't skirt around issues

Henri is anxious people-pleaser that always looks for the best in everyone at heart, but has a polite but proffesional exterior.

Damien varies depending on his mood, Mass Effect 1 Damien is polite and proffesional but that drops as time goes by. By the time ME:3 rolls around he is 1000% done and doesn't have time to put up with anyone's shit and reacts to social situations accordingly

Vance goes in the opposite direction to Damien, starts off rude and aggressive but gradually softens as time goes by.

Ryan has decent manners, but can often be inappropriate in social situations

9. What are they most afraid of?

Jane: before falling for Kaidan, it's falling for Kaidan, because she hates having intense emotions about people that she can't control. After falling for Kaidan, it's anything bad happening to Kaidan. She doesn't really care for her own well-being but she constantly worries about and will protect her friends and loved ones at all costs.

Cassidy: Dying. Specifically, dying again and Garrus continuing down the dark path she found him on after her resurrection. She'd hate for him to completely lose hope like that again.

Henri: dissapointing those around her.

Damien: Also letting everyone down.

Vance: Everyone he cares about dying painfully.

Ryan: spiders.

Background, 1. Where were they born, what was their childhood like?

Jane was born in Brisbane, believe it or not, she gets carted off to one of her aunts in America at age 4. After that it's foster home to home for her until she ditches them for the reds at 10. Needless to say, her childhood was rough.

Both Vance and Henri were born and raised on Mindoir. They both had good childhoods until Batarians killed their families.

Damien was born in Chicago. He spent his childhood being bandied about from alliance ship to alliance ship. He spent a lot of his childhood alone.

Cassidy was born in New York, but has the spacer background. Her mother had a much more caring presence then Damien's however, so she grew up well.

Ryan was born in Montreal, spent his childhood in and out of foster homes until he was 14, when he joined the reds for protection. Despite this, he views his childhood in a positive light, as he knows he's come a long way since those days.

5. Where do they currently live? What's their place like?

I'm going to skip this one because I don't have a good answer for any of them at the moment lol.

Relationships, 1. Do they have any friends? Who would they consider their best friend?

Jane has more friends/people who care about her then she thinks she does. She considers her best friend to be either Miranda or Liara.

Cassidy gives off chill older sister vibes and treats her crew as family, so a lot of people come to her for support or just for an ear. She loves talking tech with Tali and considers her to be her best friend, with Ashley coming in as a close second.

Henri initially has more colleagues then friends, but she learns to loosen up and to have a more relaxed approach to the people she cares about. She considers her best friends to be Kaidan and Joker (though her feelings for Joker develop into something more ever time)

Damien has the ruthless background, so he's more feared then loved. He's also quite socially awkward so it's hard for him to make friends to begin with. Despite this, the people who do call him friend do so wholeheartedly. He considers his best friend to be Garrus.

Vance, despite being an asshole, actually has a lot of friends. Because he's a loveable asshole. His best friend is either Liara or Jack.

Ryan is very likeable, and is often the life of the party. But people more look up to him then actually consider him a friend. He considers Kaidan his best friend. (who he's also secretly in love with, but shhhhhhh we'll get to that)

3. What's their love life like? Do they have any kids?

I'm currently using Jane as my "Kaidan as subject zero AU" Shepard, because I think she fits so well with subject0!Kaidan, as I love writing stories about two hardened badasses who just want to be loved, falling in love. Non-au Jane also ends up with Kaidan, and have a daughter named Astra

Cassidy is one of my two Shakarian Sheps, who gets the more 'traditional' happy ending out of the two. That is, she retires somewhere nice with Garrus and they adopt a bunch of orphans together.

Henri is my one and only Joker-mancer, one of these days I will write their story (once I finish planning it out lol) but I currently have other projects at the forefront. As for kids, neither Henri or Joker want them because there would be to many medical factors/lifestyle changes they'd have to consider and they couldn't put that burden on a kid.

Damien's life motto is: no kids, only dogs and he manages to stick by that pretty well. When Vance (his half-brother) has kids he settles into the role of cool uncle though. Though Damien thought he wasn't one for romance at all, he somehow fell in love with Kaidan without realizing it and they eventually end up together.

Vance and Ashley fall hard for each other, and after many hardships and triumphs, they eventually marry and have three kids together

Ryan sleeps around a bit but spends the duration of ME:1 and 2 pining for Kaidan but never saying anything b/c he doesn't want to make it awkward™. Naturally they end up together but it takes a while. Am currently undecided on whether they have kids together or not.

4. Who do they look up to? Who do they trust?

Jane: Anderson. He took her under his wing and believed in her when nobody else did. She comes to trust her inner circle in time. That consisting primarly of Kaidan, Miranda, Jack, Liara, Garrus and Wrex.

Cassidy: Her mother, as she managed to give her a good childhood while in the military as a single mum. She trusts Garrus and Tali with her life.

Henri: Anderson and Hackett both, as they've always pushed her to do her best. She trusts in her crew, as, in her eyes, they've never let her down.

Damien: Hackett, as he gave him a second chance after Torfan and promised him that he wouldn't let him down. People don't trust him on impulse so the people whose trust he earns always have his in return.

Vance, Anderson and Samara. Anderson because he helped him after he lost his family on Mindoir and Samara because she's a powerful biotic with a commanding presence and he learns a lot about discipline from her. Vance eventually learns to trust Damien after not wanting him anywhere near his life for a long time.

Ryan: He tries to find a way to learn at least something from everyone he encounters, good or bad. He doesn't really trust anyone for a very long time but gradually comes to trust in his ME:3 crew

7. Are they good with kids? Animals?

Jane: Surprisingly, yes. Though it can depend on the kid or animal in question *cough star child cough*. She strives to protect those who can't defend themselves and improve lives for future generations.

Cassidy: Very good with both.

Henri: She grew up a farm girl, so she's pretty great with animals. She's good with kids until they start screeching and then she promptly nopes out.

Damien: Good with animals, dogs in particular. Is okay with kids, but doesn't really like interacting with them unless he has a good reason (like them being his niece and nephews).

Vance: Despite growing up a farm boy, he's not too big an animal lover. He loves his own kids, but isn't too big on them in general.

Ryan: Used to hang out with stray cats as a teen. Decent kid-wrangler™.

Fun facts, 1. Which tropes do they fit? which archetypes?

Jane fits the "does bad things for a good goal" trope and potentially fits the stereotypical "bad girl" archetype as well

Cassidy fits with the "protective matriarch/sister" archetype/trope

Henri gives me "girl next door", but with a gun, vibes

Damien fits the "everyone thinks he's evil, but he's really just misunderstood" trope

Vance is def an "asshole with a heart of gold"

Ryan's a himbo

7. What languages do they speak?

Vance knows a tiny bit of Mandarin, and Ryan speaks okay Canadian French, everyone else speaks English and only English for now, though that may change as I find out more about them.

10. What songs remind you of them?

Jane: Missile, Dorothy

Cassidy: Dead Weight, PVRIS

Henri: CHAMPION, Bishop Brigs

Damien: The Phoenix, Fall Out Boy

Vance: What's Up Danger, Blackway ft. Black Caviar

Ryan: You're Gonna Go Far Kid, The Offspring

WOW. I just did a big old-fashioned info dump right there. Sorry about that.

Thanks for the ask!!!

[marireadshellblazer]

Hellblazer Issue #4

Issue #4 here we go! Woo!

I liked this one overall. Let’s start with the what I didn’t like, though.

Much like the first issue, this one introduces a few important characters (why he still a dick to Chas tho?). First and foremost is John’s family. It’s made very clear that his sister has some serious issues in her marriage (though for all his judgment, John doesn’t exactly have the moral high ground here).

Maybe I’m the only one who noticed, but in Supernatural’s first season they introduced a girl who is possessed by a demon. Her name is Meg Masters. Meg…Gem…..Gem Masters….Maybe I am a conspiracy theorist, but I swear to God Supernatural steals so much from this it’s borderline sad. Yeah, I know they wanted to bring in John as a character therefore giving us Cas when that didn’t work out, but still. There is some little shit here that seems just as blatant as the similarities between John and Cas. Did they really have to have so many just… I just…I can’t be the only one who noticed this case with Meg and Gem’s names, right? Am I the crazy one?

Speaking of Gem, now that I have re-read this for this post, I noticed something I hadn’t before. This might just be the situation or something, this seems to imply that Gem is sensitive in a similar way that John is; that is she is able to connect with the metaphysical in a way. It makes sense that she is so close to him. In a way I feel like they have a lot in common; both of them have a real draw to magic and the occult. Neither of them are able to rely on their parents for one reason or another, and both of them are unable to find any real emotional support from his sister Cheryl. I mean, you know shit is bad when uncle John is a better big brother/father figure than your own dad (no offence to John or his dumpster fire of a life).

As for Cheryl I can’t help but judge her a little here. At least in this case, while she is clearly upset and worried for her daughter, I can’t help but wonder “where the hell has she been?” It had to have been obvious that Gem was having issues. Did it not occur to her that the major changes in their lives could be really detrimental to Gem’s wellbeing? I get that cults get into your head and change you and all, but still. I dunno, maybe she isn’t a bad mom, per say, but when I read the chapters showing what she was like when she and John were little (more into herself than anything), it gets me thinking that maybe that’s just her personality. Maybe it’s due to how she and John were raised, which was not a good time, or maybe it’s her fixation on her shitty marriage. God knows I’ve met enough people in my life where their parent’s relationship was more important than their kids/literally anything else. I get that shit can be complicated, but at least right now I am seriously judging her.

I mean, what Gem did was stupid, but she is also a child. A lonely child, taken away from the world she had grown up in leading up until this point and isolated from the comforts she has always knew. With her parents in a cult, I can kinda see how it made her an easy target for the ghosts and the man; she wanted to fit in somewhere and she wasn’t getting the love and attention she needed at home. Poor thing. Plus, in agreeing to go with them, although the girls manipulated her, in that moment I can see how it felt like what was happening was her choice; when it came to the cult and the insanity it created in her home she had no say in what happened to her and she makes clear her frustration over that at the beginning of the chapter. Again, not stupid, but manipulated while she was in a rough patch in her life.

What did I like? Let’s start with the cover! This series has some seriously great art. Gets me HYPED. Though, I suppose that’s the point. So, good on them.

This is also, I think, the first time that synchronicity is mentioned. If you don’t know about synchronicity there is a decent-ish explanation on Wikipedia. Awesomely enough I found that it was a little easier to understand through the Police song Synchronicity II (it all comes back to Sting in the end). This plays a pretty big role in the fuckery that happens in Swamp Thing, and it’s interesting enough on it’s own, so it’s worth looking up if you’re curious.

Of course this is where Zed comes in. Woo! She is a fun one. I like that she just kinda goes along with everything. Like, she is ok with driving John out there in the middle of the night like “fuck it, I don’t have anything better to do. Let’s see where this goes.” I mean, I get that she wants to figure out what it is that connects her to John and probly wants to stick close to him, but she didn’t need to go that far. Pretty dope.

I love that John dropped everything, even the sex, to go after Gem (good uncle is good). I love that Zed got involved and helped. John even points out that this is not her problem, and really she barely knows him, but she risks her own safety to help him find Gem. It says a lot about her. I think her character is very mysterious here and this gives you a reason to trust her. Much respect.

I swear that something like this is said in the live action portrayal of John (Matt Ryan) but for the life of me I cannot find the episode. If I do find it I’ll put it here since now it’s bothering me.

Fun observation I made language wise: the use of “ta”. It apparently means “thanks”. Some sources I found simply list it as British slang, while another one I found said that it was specifically a Scouse thing. So far I think John is the only person who has used it, so that would make sense.

Along the same lines I noticed the use of the word “cheers”. It appears that it’s a kind of sentence ender, at least in the context that John uses it.

Words/phrases that I had to look up:

Journo- slang for journalist

[ilovemygaydad]

part 3/? of punk!patton gets adopted by single parent logan

part one - part two - part four - part five - ao3 version - masterlist (includes asks)

pairings: one-sided pining moxiety, eventual logince, background pining remceit, mentions of past thomas/female oc

warnings: swearing, lots of emotions, anxiety, worry, sympathetic deceit (his name is DC), jealousy, sadness, one-sided pining, rivalry mentions, depression mentions, divorce mentions, being held back a grade, arguments, anger, crying, unhealthy coping mechanisms, embarrassment, like some angst (sorry buds but emotionally closed off patton is an angst fest), food mentions, possibly something else

***feel free to send me questions or comments! i’ll answer them to the best of my ability, and everything is tagged under “punk!patton au”

a/n: this one is.... so long

(a clarification: logan and patton aren’t really father and son--they’re more like legal guardian and child. neither of them were looking for a father/son relationship, so they agreed that it wasn’t for them. i just didn’t clarify)

a few weeks had passed since the whole clothes incident, and patton and virgil had actually become real friends

which was why patton was unnerved when virgil’s foot wouldn’t stop tapping in their first block class

patton scribbled out a quick “you okay?” on a piece loose leaf paper and nudged virgil’s leg to get his attention and passed over the note

a few moments later, the paper is passed back to patton, and virgil’s neat writing reads “yeah, just nervous”

“about what?”

“well... i was going to ask you if you wanted to join my family for our twice-monthly disney marathon on saturday. dad’s college friend comes with his son, dc. he’s a senior. everyone wears onesies, and we just chill and watch cartoons for the night. you don’t have to come if you don’t want, but i thought you might enjoy it.”

and patton’s like

oh

okay

this is... a thing

so he writes back, “sure. i think dc is in my photography class?”

and virgil passes the note back one last time, but the timing went poorly, and the teacher sees

she’s like “mr sanders. mr summers. are you passing notes?”

and patton rolls his eyes as he takes the paper and clips it into his binder “no, ms w. virgil thought that he’d missed some of the notes yesterday by accident, so i gave him my sheet so he could double check.”

and the teacher is like ,,,,,,, fine and goes back to teaching, but virgil looks over at patton and gives him this small, thankful smile

and if patton has some weird, fluttery feelings about it, then that’s fine

even though he doesn’t

(the note says “7pm--last house on zora lane downtown. you’ll know the one ;)” and patton finds it really cute)

so saturday rolls around, and patton picks out some pajamas to go in because he doesn’t have a onesie

logan had offered to buy him a onesie, but patton looked up one that he thought he might like, and it was nearly forty dollars. he refused to let logan spend so much money on something so stupid

he settles on a black muscle tank and black jogger sweats because there’s no way he’s going to break his aesthetic for a disney marathon

he does wear his glasses, though, because he doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of taking out his contacts before going to sleep and then putting them back in before anyone wakes back up, and he’s too blind to just go without

and he hates how the huge, square frames look on his face, and the lenses are so damn thick

but he wears them anyway because he has to

logan drives him to virgil’s house and it definitely wasn’t because logan was hoping to catch a glimpse of virgil’s dad what???

virgil was right--his house was so easy to find. it had a ranbow flag flying by the door, and about twenty little rainbow pinwheels stuck around the garden

it was either the sanders’ house, or it belonged to the world’s most excited five year old

the thing is, virgil didn’t mention that it was huge with gigantic fucking windows and a chandelier that was visible from the fucking street

patton gives a quick goodbye to logan and goes up to the door. he rings the doorbell, and almost immediately, the door swings open. there’s a tall man in a stitch onesie and round glasses smiling at him, and all patton can choke out is a small “hello”

and this man squeals

like

squeals

and then he says, “you must be patton! virgil has told us so much about you--come in!”

it isn’t like patton is just going to say no, so he walks inside and follows this stranger through the house, looking around as they go

the place is just as big as it looks from the outside. there’s a formal dining room to the right and a large office to the left

patton wouldn’t really call the dining room “formal,” however, since all the chairs and the table are random colors and sizes and styles

but that doesn’t even mention the vast foyer with floating stairs to the second level on the left side of the hall and bridging to the upstairs on the right

patton couldn’t believe he was somewhere so fucking nice

they keep going and patton gets a few glimpses of the shiny kitchen and lush living room as they head through a door to the basement

disney music filtered up the stairwell as they descended into the finished basement

it smells like cookies and popcorn

they round the corner and there’s a little entertainment area with a rainbow of giant, fluffy bean bag chairs and a very large flatscreen tv that was currently on the main screen of winnie the pooh

there was also a bookshelf full of disney DVDs (and even a few VHS tapes of the classics)

virgil, roman, and dc were sitting on a couple of the bean bags, but virgil immediately hopped up and threw himself at patton when he noticed that he was downstairs

“you actually came! and you have glasses!!!”

patton huffs out a laugh as he wraps his arms around virgil and hugs him back “yes, i did show up, v. i wasn’t going to stand you up. and, yeah, i do have glasses. i didn’t want the hassle of bringing my contacts and solution and shit, so i just wore my glasses even though they look stupid”

“that’s bullshit!” virgil almost shouts, but he quickly corrects his volume “the glasses look really nice, pat. i swear.”

and there’s that stupid fluttery feeling again

patton rolls his eyes as virgil releases him from a hug, and he’s actually able to get a good look at his friend

virgil’s wearing an eeyore onesie, which matches the disney onesie theme of roman’s mushu onesie and dc’s beymax onesie

patton almost feels left out in his regular pajamas, but he cuts that shit out right the fuck away

virgil gestures to the man who brought pat downstairs “that’s emile. he’s dad’s college friend, and you said you know who dc is already” he still points to the boy who was draped over his bean bag upside down and staring at them with his heterochromatic eyes—the gold one standing out against the darker birthmark around his eye. dc flashed a peace sign, and patton waved back

virgil turns his gaze to the cookies and popcorn set out in the middle of the floor by the tv “those are free to eat—just don’t get between dad and the snickerdoodle ones. he’s vicious. and, i’m only telling you this because i know for a fact that i’m speaking too fast for him to understand”

so they all sit down and watch the movie

patton decides to not notice when virgil moves from a pink beanbag to a purple one right next to patton’s blue one

the movie starts, and it’s all goofy and fun in the basement. the sanders and picanis are quoting the characters and singing along to the little songs

even roman, who signs along with a soft smile on his face

patton is kind of in awe at how relaxed everyone is

he’s also in awe at how freaking cold it is in the basement

he can feel himself curling up and shivering, and he totally regrets wearing a tank top

patton doesn’t know how, but virgil sees him shivering and hops up from his chair, whispering a hasty “i’ll be right back” before sprinting upstairs

when virgil returns, he’s holding a bundle of gray fabric that he tosses to patton

when the bundle is unfolded, patton sees that it’s a hoodie with cat ears and paws and a big pouch in the front

“sorry that it’s so cutesy,” virgil whispers. “it was the most black thing that i own...”

and patton just laughs a little because,,,, virgil’s thought process is really adorable and weird sometimes

like any hoodie or blanket would have done, but virgil absolutely had to get patton the darkest colored one

pat puts it on and instantly feels much warmer

after winnie the pooh, they change to black cauldron

roman whines for a little bit because “there aren’t even any songs!” but eventually concedes because it’s virgil’s favorite and he isn’t going to not let his son watch the movie on disney night

after that’s done, the adults decide they’re going to go to sleep

emile says it’s because they’re old, roman says it’s because he has yet to meet his prince charming in his dreams, and he is looking forward to it

as soon as the adults are gone, the teenagers move closer to the food in the middle

“so,” virgil starts. “it’s time for our gossip session. patton, you’re completely free to sit out if you feel uncomfortable”

“what, uh, does this ‘gossip session’ include...?” pat asks because honestly ???? he’s a bit afraid of what he might hear

dc decides to answer, saying, “usually it’s about what teachers are being shitty again, how classes are going, do we have any annoying group partners. that sort of fun stuff”

and patton just nods because that’s not bad at all

and then virgil does that cute thing like in the movies where he crosses his legs and rests his elbows on his knees and he puts his chin on his hands and he leans forward

you know

that thing

and he says, “sooooo dc. what’s up with that cute boy from school that you like? oh, what was his name? ryan? ray???”

dc rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, and his voice comes out clipped and low

“i don’t have a crush on remy sanders, who you already know because he is your cousin. first of all, stop doing that every time you bring him up. second, stop fucking bringing him up”

virgil just kinda goes “aw, bud, you totally have a crush on him!”

and dc flips out

“you fucking know how much i hate your teasing about crushes, and then you go and tease me in front of someone i barely know? at least i don’t do that! actually, you know what? maybe i will tell patton who you have a crush on because, fuck it! we’re letting all of our secrets out, anyway! virgil has a crush on—“

virgil cuts him off with a loud “STOP” and patton swears that time froze in that room as everyone stares at each other

“i’m sorry,” he continues. “it was so uncool of me to tease you in front of patton without your consent. i just—i think you and remy would be good together, even if it’s just as friends”

dc stands up and starts to march to the stairs “remy and i were nothing more rivals in school, and now that he’s out of the competition, we don’t have anything to connect us. just fucking drop it. i’m going to bed”

patton doesn’t really know what the hell is going on with this remy guy, but he knows some major shit just went down

he decides to focus on virgil instead of the twinge in his chest at the mention of virgil having a crush on someone

really softly, patton asks who remy is

“he’s my cousin,” says virgil “he’s technically the year above, but he got held back last year because of some personal stuff that messed with his school work.

“ever since we were kids, remy and dc were rivals in school. they were both smart and athletic and talented, and they wanted to be the best. they had a lot of chemistry despite the constant bickering, and i tried to get them to become friends instead of rivals. it never worked because remy spends weekends with his moms, so he couldn’t do disney nights, and on the days he was with his dad and could hang out, dc was busy with gymnastics.

“then, after rem got held back, they pretty much ceased all contact. i knew that both of them were hurting because they lost the thing that fueled them to be the best that they could be, but it was pretty obvious that they were missing each other, too.

“i just want them to be happy!” virgil ends, hunching in on himself

patton hesitantly opens up his arms

“do you... do you want a hug”

virgil doesn’t even answer; he just launches himself forward and pretty much tackles patton to the floor in a hug

he’s sobbing now, and patton doesn’t really know what to do, so he pats virgil’s back every so often and whispers nice things to him

eventually, virgil’s breathing evens out and he’s just sniffling into the soaked cat hoodie

patton slowly releases him and rubs virgil’s arms gently in a reassuring gesture

“i’ve never actually done this whole sleepover thing before,” pat says with a sheepish grin, trying to play up the act (even if it is partially real). “would you mind if i slept in your room?”

virgil looks surprised for a second, but then his face smooths out into a tiny smile

“yeah, sure. it’s getting kinda late.”

they pack up the leftover food and stick it in a cupboard by the stairs before going upstairs

virgil grabs patton’s hand as the make their way to his room because tbh he needs the comfort

patton doesn’t mind

virgil opens the door to his room, and it looks just how patton expected

the bed is straight ahead from the door and placed at the bottom of a large window with pink curtains. the blanket and pillows are floral patterned in pastel colors. there are tall, white bookshelves on both sides of the bed that are filled with books of all sizes and colors; however, they look to be organized by age and genre, starting with children’s books and ending with adult fiction and nonfiction. there’s a door that leads to what patton assumes is an en suite bathroom and double sliding doors to the closet. the walls are painted a very light purple, and the remaining furniture are all a slightly darker purple. there’s a wooden desk strewn with tons of office supplies and a vanity with a large mirror and makeup neatly organized in small plastic drawers

everything just screams virgil

while patton is busy ogling at the room, virgil had gone and grabbed a sleeping bag and extra pillow, setting them up on the floor

“i’m gonna go brush my teeth, so make yourself comfy in the bed!” virgil said as he walked into the bathroom

“woah, wait—i’m not sleeping in the bed! this is your house. you get your bed!” patton argues as he takes off the wet sweatshirt and looks for a place to put his glasses for the night

“nuh uh!” virgil sticks his head out the doorway, toothbrush in hand and toothpaste all over his mouth. “you sleep in the bed”

“you aren’t sleeping in that sleeping bag. i refuse to let you do that.”

“fine!” virgil went back into the bathroom, and patton assumed that the argument was over, but virgil came back out with the same fiery look in his eyes. “if i can’t sleep in the sleeping bag, neither can you. get your ass in that bed before i tackle you”

patton had never been so afraid of a 5’7”, 130 pound boy before

he quickly slid under the covers with virgil following after he flicked off the lights

within just a few minutes, both boys were fast asleep

there is so much warmth when patton starts to stir in the morning

he’s just so warm, and he loves it

he curls into the warmth, and for a second he thinks about falling back asleep

and then there was a soft giggle

patton jolted back, opening his eyes to see that he was face to face with virgil

he had been cuddling virgil

and virgil was laughing at him

“awwww, pat! you’re so cute when you’re asleep! you kept trying to cuddle me.”

“shut the fuck up,” patton grumbled, putting his glasses back on and slipping out of the bed

“but it was so cute!!!”

“and if you tell anyone,” patton growls (although, there isn’t much bite behind it) “i will end you. I have a reputation to uphold, and i won’t let you ruin it”

virgil just laughs and follows patton downstairs, teasing him the whole way to the kitchen

roman’s already there, sitting on the counter and stirring a bowl of something

“morning, dad!”

“morning, starshine. why does patton look so grumpy?”

patton slumps into a chair at the table all emo and grumpy, and virgil softly sighs

“i was teasing him, and he got a bit grumpy at me. i’m sure he’ll lighten up as soon as we have pancakes to eat.”

surprised, patton glances over at virgil. he was expecting virgil to completely expose him like the older kids at the orphanage had done, but virgil hadn’t. the smaller boy smiles gently and winks, sitting down next to pat

there’s this strong urge in patton to lean close to virgil, but he squashes that feeling down right the fuck away

“hey, has dc been down yet...?” virgil asks, and patton can see that he’s genuinely still worried and upset about what happened last night

“i am now,” dc announces as he walks into the kitchen

patton is Extremely uncomfortable right now

dc and virgil are just staring at each other when virgil speaks up again

“look, dc, i’m really sorry. it was super selfish of me to try and force your life a certain way based on what i wanted. i’ve always just wanted you two to be happy, but i let my own emotions get in the way”

there was a long pause, and for a second, patton thought that dc was going to throw hands or something

“i forgive you, virge,” dc sighs, and he sits down next to virgil. “i’m sorry, too. i was about to deal a low blow, and that was equally shitty.” he groaned and hid his face in his hands. “and you were right”

“right about... what, exactly?” virgil asked

“i have a crush on remy”

“oh. oh! oh my gosh, dc! that’s sweet! aw, i’m proud of you.”

patton has NO clue what’s going on, but he thinks it’s a nice family moment, so he decides not to intrude

dc and virgil chat for a few minutes, and patton stares at the table silently

it feels a bit like breakfasts at the orphanage where everyone else would laugh and talk and be normal kids

and he would just

sit

alone

all the while, roman had been cooking, and he shouts out, “alright, every-gay--i mean, except patton?”

“nah, i’m... i’m gay, too.” 

“sweet!” roman says with a sigh of relief. “every-gay, it is time for... cinnamon roll pancakes!”  

a huge--like, at least thirty--pile of pancakes was set in the center of the circle, and everyone immediately began to set pancakes on their own plates and slather the frosting on top

dc and virgil began to banter with each other and, against his better judgement, patton joined in

and it felt...

really nice

patton was getting to know virgil’s friends and family better, and it was so interesting to finally be part of some sort of family dynamic for the first time

then he looked over at virgil, who was stuffing pancakes into his face and

the feelings kind of hit him straight in the face

he’s in love with virgil

virgil, his best friend

virgil, who tried to defend him even after he’d been a total asshole

virgil, who... had a crush on someone else

patton almost drops his fork as a sick, sad feeling twists inside of his stomach

he can’t be in love with virgil because virgil doesn’t love him

for the rest of the morning, patton’s all fake smiles, and he keeps quiet

he says a quick goodbye to virgil when logan shows up to drive him home, and he sits silently in the car as logan chats with roman for a few minutes

he doesn’t turn around to wave at virgil

when he gets home, he immediately goes to his room and cries into his pillow

life was a lot easier when he stifled his emotions...

to be continued... in part four

asks are loved and encouraged 💖💖💖

tag list: @residentanchor @eeveeawesome @xionical @absolutesandersidestrash @stormcrawler75 @musikasworld @ironwoman359 @a-weirdo-with-a-computer @thegaypotatoroyalty707 @darkrainbow333 @ravenclawunicorn1 @noahlovescoffee @whymustibedraggedintofandomhell @romansleftshoulderpad @still-waiting-for-cookies @emounicorn2006 @lana–22 @angels-ofthe-sea @demonickittykat @lonelysoul43 @the-virgil-mary @five-second-cookies @noisywolfbatbakery @band-be-boss-blog @heck-im-lost@lamp-calm-sanders @patton-e @knightofbloodcancer @cloudchaser7 @really-sleep-deprived-nerd @era-eclipsed @khadij-al-kubra @anxiousmorality @are-you-really-sure-about-that @today-only-happens-once @notalwaysthevillian @backatthebein @sunshineandteddybears @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @dodos-in-damnation @some-lost-meme-boi @dead4sevenyears @spookyingarbageisland @the-poison-apple-of-art@radioactivehelena @the-melody-of-eliza @im-a-mess-aaaaaa @whycantihavemorethan32characters @broadwaytheanimatedseries @veryvirginvirgil @llamaavocado @unisaurioamorfo @caterpiller-tea @cornycornfriendo @simon-at-3am 

[elliswriting]

11/11/11 Tag Game

answer 11 questions, tag 11 people, ask 11 questions

these incredible questions were written by @sundaynightnovels

1) your wip is now set in percy jackson’s world (if you don’t know, it’s just a bunch of monsters from greek mythologies chasing after young kids who have powers. we’re assuming your OCs are all demigods here, so they have powers and are being chased). who would be the one flailing and crying for help? who would be the one standing in front and thinking of a solution? who would be the first one eaten and who would be the one to survive till they reach camp? 

how do I answer this if my WIP is already set in what is pretty much just the PJO universe? Everyone but Daisy is pretty well-adapted to it, but it’s new to her and she’s the one everyone is trying to kill. 2) after barely escaping percy jackson’s world, they’re now thrown into harry potter. the dementors are everywhere. what are the bad memories that these dementors draw from your OCs? how do they react to it? (don’t worry, they’re saved before being given the kiss. somehow.)

For Daisy and Hyacinth it’s their mother’s death. For Erme it could be anything really, they’re got nothing but trauma (though it could also be their mother’s death tbh). 3) they’re now plopped into the good place. who is in the good place, and who is in the bad place? (for those who don’t watch the show, well. i think this naming speaks for itself)

I don’t think anyone belongs in the good place, this story is full of murderers.

4) ah, bummer. some misfiling of paperwork from the higher-ups, sorry. your OCs are once again alive and kicking, but then things happen again and well, they’re in marvel and the Snap has just happened (i.e., people have suddenly disappeared into dust after an event and no one knows what happened to them). assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, how would they react and what are their coping mechanisms?

Daisy would freak tf out, Erme would be eaten alive by guilt (somehow more than they already are), Hades would just go about business as usual 5) and then the Blip happens and everyone is back, after five years! hurray! once again, assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, and then everyone suddenly returns like nothing’s happened, how would they then react to this change of scenario? how do they adapt?

Daisy would be so relieved. Like I think she would eventually get on with her life, but she’d still be so happy to have everyone back (and finally be the older twin). Hades might have to scramble a little to readjust an underworld to a population that has suddenly doubled, but he’d manage. Erme probably would not believe it was real. 6) all is well for a while, until The Fire Nation Attacked. who runs away and hides in isolation? who joins the colonising forces? who attempts a rebellion? who concedes defeat and lets the enemies in?

Daisy’s the reluctant Avatar. Hades tries to keep his people out of the fight, Erme plays both sides until the Avatar reappears and then it magically becomes their duty to get her ready to defeat the fire nation. 7) alright, now let’s give your OCs a break. they’re back in school and it’s high school musical! which typical high school cliques are each of them in and why?

Hyacinth actually had a big scene/emo phase in high school before she turned into a ditsy blond instagram model adult. Daisy’s friends were the sort of weird baby gays. Erme and Pauly would be jocks, Hades would be that put-together kids everyone liked and was super smart and was the head of like three clubs. 8) now we’re in deadpool and it’s time to break the 4th wall and change the focus to: the author. what kind of jokes / things do you want to include in your wip but can’t seem to, maybe because of genre restrictions or age restrictions or it just, well, doesn’t fit? (ryan reynolds would say to include it all anyway, but yknow, that’s because he has money)

No restrictions I’d have a lot more gore and sexual content. They are things that appear in the series, I just kind of skim over most of it to keep it more within my fantasy genre. But realistically, sex and gore.  9) following the ryan reynolds thread, what is the one most indulgent thing you’ve done in your writing / would do in your writing? 

I’ve made like 90% of the cast of characters super diverse. I’ve got non-het romantic and sexual orientations out the wazoo, every gender orientation you can think of, disabilities, mental illnesses, a ton of different races and religions and beliefs. And the few characters who are your general straight white mary-sues tend to be the villains.  10) who is your favourite friends member and why? (this is important okay? to those who haven’t watched friends… i can’t really give you much of an explanation for this one and more importantly – why??)

FUCK ROSS GELLER. My favorite character is probably Chandler because he’s just so weird, but that may be because I am Monica. Baby fever, wedding fever, OCD, everything has to be my way, everything is a competition, even our style is the same 11) this is the end! what is the most foolish thing you’ve done in your / with regards to your writing? it can literally be anything – a silly spelling mistake, gaping plot hole, printing it out for a friend to read and missing a page, you can really go wild with your answer here.

A friend and I wrote this collaborative project years ago, and we’d head each entry with the POV character’s name. It wound up being about 75k, and as time went on, we got worse and worse about spelling character names correctly, and eventually we stopped correcting them. So the second half of the document is just full of entries titled “Charkue Charfie Carlie Charlie!” “DEsvmin, DEsmnod, Demons, Darren Cris, DESMOND GOD”

Tags and questions under the cut:

Tagging some new followers! @ezwriting @arte-muse @ninalitediting @lilywrites01 @commasinsidequotes @authoralexander​ @faerisms​ @emrowene​ @lmorasey​ @sober-two​ @eggletine​ 

And my questions for y’all:

What genre do you write?

Are you a planner, pantser, or planster?

What is your approach to research?

What POV is your novel? Why are you writing it this way?

Do you know how your story ends before you start writing?

When creating characters, what comes first: appearance, backstory, motivation, personality, something else?

What trope do you actually like?

How did you come up with your title?

If your WIP had a theme song, what would it be?

How has your MC developed, not within the plot, but since you first created them?

Your MC faces certain death.  What are their last words?

[ghosstkid]

yo lemme get that director’s cut on the latest chapter of amber!! i love your work!! - 💙

AHHhh!! Thank you so much!! Thank you for the ask! I’ll put it under the cut just in case someone hasn’t read chapter 10 of Amber yet! I’ll probably have chapter 11 of Amber up tonight or tomorrow morning! 

Send me a ‘director’s commentary’ or a star! 

This chapter gives me a lot of feels, it hurt to write honestly. 

Chapter 10 is called Surrender in reference to the card that Fitz has pulled from his oracle deck several times in previous chapters but I never told you guys why or what the meaning of that card is. Like I said or rather like Fitz explains in chapter 10, the surrender card means ‘surrender to what you cannot control’. I have an oracle deck that has a surrender card in it, that’s where I got the meaning. You can interpret that in many ways, either surrender to the ways of fate, or you could see it as a death card like in tarot; sweeping change is coming whether you like it or not and you can’t control it. This card has been haunting Fitz since chapter one. 

I’ll get back to Fitz later. I wanna talk about how this is the first chapter where both of Amber’s povs finally meet each other. Amber’s plot is so big it needs two povs who are from two separate spheres of Amber’s society in order to tell it! Bee is able to discover pieces of the puzzle that Mason would never be able to and vice versa.

You also would have no idea about the magic in this world if you took away Bee’s perspective. Mason’s world is grey and industrial, his story is more of a thriller and drama. Bee’s world is glittering and elegant, her story is more of a fantasy. Now they are brought together. 

What I think is so fascinating and is a bit of a challenge for me and you the reader, is that both povs know things that the other doesn’t. Bee knows about magic, Mason doesn’t really. Mason knows just how cruel Ryan can be, Bee doesn’t. But you the reader know! This, of course, leads to really interesting character dynamics between them. Mason doesn’t trust Bee but Bee is very trusting. 

In a way, both characters would thrive as well, if they swapped places. Bee is rebellious, she’s fearless and she wants freedom. She doesn’t like being told what to do. If she were a wild kid like Mason, she’d be unstoppable. Mason is also rebellious, driven and fearless. He also wants to be worth something. He wants power and to be respected. All his life he’s been talked down to and told he’s just a kid. Now that the only person who didn’t talk to him like that is on the verge of death, Mason is tossed adrift. Even though he loves Matt with his all his heart, he sometimes can’t stand the way he talks to him. If he were in Bee’s place, with money and power, he’d be unstoppable. My theme song for Amber is Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. The encore is; 

And if I only couldI’d make a deal with GodAnd I’d get him to swap our placesBe running up that roadBe running up that hillBe running up that building See if I only could….

Kinda sums up the above paragraph. 

Another factor I think is important with these two povs is the age difference. Bee is 18 and she was forced to become an adult, a Lady, very quickly. She has a lot of responsibility and while she enjoys the power she has, she also wants the childhood and the lovely world she lost. Mason is 15 years old. He is a b a b y. He is wild and at times uncontrollable. He’s full of fire. However, just because he is young doesn’t mean his actions are excusable. I’m really curious to see your reactions to Mason in the future and the choices he makes. 

Above all though, it’s important I think to remember that the main characters in Amber are teenagers. They deal with some really heavy stuff that forces them to mature very quickly but they are all still kids deep down. 

Chapter ten is when things get a bit intense with secrets that both povs have. Once at the hotel, Bee goes to talk privately with Fitz. He wants to know what she wants and when he realizes that she just wants to help, he finds himself opening up to this stranger. Chapter ten was really hard to write because Fitz tells you that he will not make it to the end of this story. His sickness will kill him, it’s only a matter of time and there is nothing he can to do to stop it. He must surrender to it. 

Fitz trusts Bee with this secret because he knows she just wants to help, so he knows she can make sure that his final wish will happen. Second, she’s an outsider. She’s not a part of the family that Fitz has brought together. Fitz has known since he started coughing that this is the end. He’s known since chapter one. He probably should have told the misfits but now it’s way too late to even think about doing that. Mason is so determined to save Fitz and so are the rest of the misfits. So just think, every time Mason and the others said they will save Fitz, he just has to sit there and smile. Fitz in Amber is probably thee most tragic character I’ve ever written. 

And now Bee knows this secret and she has to listen to the misfits say over and over that they will save Fitz now too. In a way, it’s easier now for Fitz that someone else finally knows but now they have to share this weight and Bee will have to carry it for the rest of her life. It’ll also make reading Mason’s chapters now hurt that much more because his number one goal is to save Fitz. 

After that angst, I have two scenes that are my favourite in this chapter because of how beautiful and sweet they are! The first is when Bee gives Toby her hair ribbon and capelet. It’s very a soft moment and it makes me smile. The second one is when Bee uses her magic to make Fitz’s oracle cards float in the air. It’s so beautiful and Fitz is amazed. He still has time to see the beautiful things in life and he gets to see magic. Now too, his magic is waking up!! Don’t worry, you will get to see what kind of magic he has soon ;) 

At the end of the chapter, you finally get to meet the anarchists! This kicks off the second half of Amber which is absolutely wild. I am so excited to write it. You will meet more interesting characters like Smitty and John soon too! Maybe this world’s version of Karl Marx? You’ll never guess who that is lol As well as two of my favourite comedic relief characters ever. 

Smitty and John are super cool characters. Smitty is cockier in this story than he has in past stories I’ve done and John is very suave and confident. They are tough characters and like Mason, they don’t back down from a fight. You’ll see in Chapter 11 what Mason thinks of that. 

Also, another note about costumes cause I love them. The anarchist uniform in Amber is inspired by these photos of Maude Adams, an actress from the early 1900s. These photos are from when she starred in a play called L’Aiglon in 1900 in which she played Napoleon. She also went on to play Peter Pan as well! 

I have planned a really cool scene in the future *spoiler* involving the misfits, including Fitz and there will be some really cool colour symbolism and I’m so excited to write it. 

Chapter 11 will dive even further into the anarchists, who they are and how the misfits will react to them. A lot of the conflicts in both povs lead up to this moment where they have to make this huge decision. Do the misfits join the anarchists and put their own lives on the line to fight back and save Fitz? Does Bee turn her back on Ryan, putting herself at the risk of losing everything, to join them? 

It’s gonna be fun! 

Thank you for the ask! I love talking about my stories like this!!

[ohmytheon]

Karma in Retrograde (20)

title: Karma in Retrograde

summary: When Dabi is hit by a de-aging quirk, he’s turned back to a 16 year-old U.A. Gen Studies student with self-esteem and parent issues, a destructive quirk, and no memory of the last five years. To help the Dabi of the past, present, and future, he is placed with Class 1-A. There, they must all face the question of whether he can change or if his destiny is already set in stone.

– Chapter 20: Class 1-A decies to tackle the Aizawa Clothes problem with Ryouta.

Lanni notes: This is a long af post and I’m sorry to everyone on mobile! This chapter did not go through Misty's usual super heavy beta'ing, but she decided that my writing was "postable". lmao You all deserve a break from the angst. Seriously, you really do. I mean, there's never a full break from angst because Todorokis gonna Todoroki, but this is definitely one of the crackier chapters. Also it's ridiculously long, but there wasn't a good place to cut it in half. I wrote the first three-fourths and, judging by how much I wrote, you can tell that I had a blast. It honestly didn't feel like 12k. There was just something really great about writing Ryouta in this scenario and, while it seems really silly, I think it pushed his character forward a lot - both with himself and the class. Also, there is a scene at the end that might come off as particularly cracky, but, well, it's based off experiences that both Misty and I have done. I will say that my family made a night out of it. Maybe I loved this chapter so much because I related to it a lot. I don't know. I just hope you all enjoy reading it. Oh, one more thing: Uraraka is a goddamn hero.

We've also got some new art for the fic! (Bless ya'll!) mucha.rt somehow pulled an image of Ryouta and Dabi right out of my head. Here's an insanely awesome depiction of a scene from chapter two where Aizawa shows Ryouta a picture of Dabi by @wellthengetouttathesoupaisle, a hilarious pink-haired Bakugou from @calys-artsy-side, and the squad (aka Ryouta, Mina, and Kaminari) by @feferisushi! The song for this chapter - which is absolutely perfect and I demanded we use it when Misty brought it up as a joke - is "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. If that gives you a hint about what this chapter is about.

Savin' my money and I'm hella happy that's a bargain, bitch I'm a take your grandpa's style, I'm a take your grandpa's style, No, for real. Ask your grandpa. Can I have his hand-me-downs? Thank you

To be honest, Ryouta didn’t having been cooped up in UA since being struck by the quirk. It didn’t feel like much of a prison sentence when he never really went out before. Staying in Heights Alliance or studying in the library was normal for him. Everything he could possibly need was on campus. Why bother going out? It wasn’t like he’d had close friends to do things with. He didn’t go hang out in the city on weekends. If asked, he couldn’t tell anyone the last time he’d gone to the mall or the movies. Those things didn’t matter. He hadn’t even done them often before high school.

As far as his memories were concerned, the only times he had left campus were to buy groceries and visit his siblings. Both trips were brief and done out of a sense of necessity. He didn’t have a ton of money since he refused to ask his father for more help and he couldn’t handle being at the Todoroki house for long. UA might not have been the best of places, but it wasn’t home and that had to count for something.

He did miss Fuyumi. He missed the way she would lecture him on his homework and help him tend to his burns as their mom had before. He missed Natsuo’s persistently bright nature and the way he would tease him and Fuyumi even if it wasn’t appropriate. He missed Shouto, who looked at him like he was good for something.

It still wasn’t enough to make him visit home more. He might’ve missed his siblings, but he was wary of crossing paths with his father more.

Five years and one de-aging quirk later, Ryouta didn’t have to worry about that. Not only was he in constant contact with Shouto, but Fuyumi and Natsuo had sought him out. He wasn’t alone anymore. Besides the confines of his dorm room, which he wouldn’t be surprised to find out was bugged, he couldn’t hide from people. It left him feeling entirely exposed. He didn’t like it, but he also knew it was what his family wanted. One fact stood between him and his ultimate prize: he was a villain.

Ryouta sighed as his thoughts once again distracted him from his notes. Maybe getting so worked up over the notes on the hero course was stupid (after all, it wasn’t like he was going to become a hero), but he had spent years trying to get here. Now that he was in it, he found himself floundering. He knew the most important basics of being a hero, but there was so much more than that. He had some training experience under his belt, but all the theoretical stuff was mind-numbing. There was so much to consider. He knew that being a hero wasn’t just fighting blindly, but working through multiple scenarios made him realize how much could go wrong.

“I think my brain is melting,” Ryouta grumbled. He set his pen down and rubbed his face tiredly. Everyone was so focused on the physical aspect of being a hero that they didn’t stop to consider how much thinking went into it as well. He had spent the better part of his morning reading and flipping through a booklet filled with different scenarios. It made him feel like he was doing a reading comprehension study guide. He was not a fan.

“You doing alright over there?” Midoriya asked from the other side of the table.

Ryouta dropped his forehead onto the booklet. “I think I’d rather fight Bakugou than do this.”

Midoriya smiled understandingly. “It’s a lot of tedious work.”

After lifting his head enough to fold his arms under him, Ryouta dropped his chin on his arms. “It wouldn’t be so difficult if there was one right answer, but there isn’t. There’s just so much to consider. You do one little thing and everything can go to hell.” Not to mention all the reading of old cases and villain takedowns, ones that ended well and ones that didn’t. “Makes me wonder if things ever end okay.”

“They do,” Midoriya insisted, “but it takes a lot of determination and effort.”

“And brains and muscle,” Ryouta added.

Midoriya chuckled. “That too.”

“I didn’t know pros had to do so much homework,” Ryouta said. “Like I don’t mind the extra work - not really. This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to be in the hero course. I wanted…”

He wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be the best. He wanted to be like his father.

(“He’s becoming more like Enji every day,” his mom cried on the phone one night when she thought he was in bed. “I don’t know what to do. He used to be so gentle.”)

When Ryouta realized that he’d drifted off mid-thought, he sat up and took a deep breath. No more slacking. It was time to get back to work. As long as he kept working, he couldn’t dwell on anything. Midoriya must have either been used to Shouto ending conversations abruptly or he was polite enough not to call him out on it.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Midoriya asked carefully, “why were you in General Studies?” Ryouta tried not to react, but he kept his gaze on the notes even though he wasn’t reading. “Not counting your fight against Bakugou, I’ve seen your quirk, uh, up close.” He really didn’t want to read into that, but he knew that meant Dabi had attacked him. “It’s definitely strong enough to warrant a position in the Hero Course. Did you not pass the exam?”

Ryouta twirled the pencil between his fingers as he thought about what to say. He had already explained to Shouto why he hadn’t been in it, but no one else in the class knew. He didn’t think it was any of their business. He knew he could tell Midoriya that he didn’t want to talk about it and the other boy wouldn’t push the matter any further. He was polite. Ryouta didn’t always trust people like that, thinking they were trying to get something from him, but Midoriya was genuinely kind.

It made it much more difficult to lie to him.

“I didn’t take it,” Ryouta answered. “I applied for General Studies, took the test, and got in.”

Midoriya shot up in surprise. “Why not? Your flames are hotter than your brother’s. With the right training, they probably would’ve been stronger than Endeavor’s.”

They were. That was the shameful part. His father had been ecstatic to find out that his oldest son’s fire quirk was even hotter and more powerful than his. Of course, he was stronger because of all the training, experience, and hard work that he’d put into controlling his quirk, but he had been so sure he’d be able to mold his son into a great successor. Ryouta could still remember how excited and happy he had felt upon making his father proud. It embarrassed him to think of it now.

“I had to prove I was worthy of it,” Ryouta explained. He knew he was being evasive, making Midoriya work for the truth, but this was hard for him. He had been sort of open with him before though. He could do it again. It was a process. He was learning.

“That’s what the exam is for,” Midoriya pointed out.

Ryouta shrugged his shoulders. “That wasn’t enough proof.”

His tone ended the conversation, but he had a feeling Midoriya didn’t need him to elaborate. He knew exactly who he was talking about. Shouto had a lot to prove with their father too, but while he was already halfway to the top of the mountain, Ryouta felt like he was stuck at the bottom with only a rope and no other climbing equipment. It wasn’t fair in the slightest and it didn’t matter. He’d fucked off elsewhere instead of conquering the mountain.

Couldn’t he have chosen something besides becoming a villain? It made him feel like his entire life was tied to Endeavor, like no matter what he did or where he went or who he became, his decisions would always go back to him. It was incredibly frustrating.

Shoving the papers away, Ryouta stood up. “I’m gonna take a break. Go for a walk or something. If I don’t, my head might actually explode without Bakugou’s help.”

“Probably a good idea.” Midoriya gave him a quick look over and bit his lip. Ryouta furrowed his brow. What the hell was that look for? “You, uh, gonna change or anything?”

“Why would I do that?” Ryouta asked. He looked down at himself and rolled his eyes. Midoriya was too polite. “Is it the outfit again?”

“No, no!” Midoriya was quick to reassure, waving his hands in front of himself. His pink cheeks betrayed his thoughts though. He could be nice and still lie if he thought it would make someone feel better. By now, Ryouta had learned that the three most honest people here were Iida, Asui, and Bakugou. At times, it was easier to deal with them than someone who was nice to the point of lying. Midoriya meant well though. “It’s a bit nippy out today, is all. You might want a jacket or hoodie. Did Aizawa give you any?”

“I’ll be fine.” A washed out old anime merch t-shirt and bright teal sweatpants with some slip-on shoes were good enough. Even if it was cold outside, it would help soothe the headache that had been building up over the past thirty minutes. Maybe he was allergic to honesty. That could explain why he always felt so sick when he opened up further.

“Of course.” The smile on Midoriya’s face was too tight to be honest. He wasn’t going to say outright he thought Ryouta’s outfit was butt ugly, but he didn’t have to. It mattered very little to Ryouta. He was going out for a walk around campus, not to a fancy restaurant. “Do you want any company?”

Ryouta’s first thought was that Midoriya wanted to keep an eye on him in case he did anything suspicious, but he struck that down almost immediately. No, he was genuinely asking if he wanted someone with him. Most people liked it when other people were there for them. Not Ryouta though. He wanted to be alone. There would probably be a teacher or someone hanging around to make sure everything was safe, but he could at least pretend. With his head hurting, he felt too close to saying something he’d regret.

“Nah, I’m good,” Ryouta told him.

Instead of asking again, Midoriya nodded. Yeah, he was definitely used to Shouto, although his brother was still more social than him at this point. Gathering his things into a neat stack, he went to pick them up, but Midoriya waved at him to leave his stuff there. He wasn’t going anywhere so his things would be safe. Not that anyone in Class 1-A would mess with it. He doubted even Bakugou would, although Kaminari might think it a fun prank to hide it. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to be on the receiving end of one soon now that he had gotten involved in the prank circle.

Upon walking out of the dorms, a cool wind blew over him. It was indeed chilly as Midoriya had said, but that didn’t bother Ryouta. Being early spring, the days could still get cold. No doubt Iida would scold him if he caught him out here without a coat on so he didn’t stop walking. Fuyumi used to do the same thing, always reminding him to wear his jacket so he wouldn’t set a bad example for Shouto.

The cold wind reminded him of his mom’s quirk. Being a civilian, she couldn’t use it as freely as his dad, but she had used it at home. In the face of his father’s sheer power, it was easy to forget that her quirk was actually pretty strong. She didn’t use it for fighting like Shouto used the ice half of his quirk. Ryouta had always found it soothing and kind. When he had been younger and lacked any control over his quirk, it could burn right through him. She would hold him against her, using her quirk to cool him down or put her hands on his face whenever he struggled with a fever. That was what the wind made him think of now.

Ryouta was about halfway through his mindless walk around campus when he decided he wanted something to eat. It was close enough to lunchtime that he could probably get something from the Mess Hall. It wasn’t likely to be busy either, so he could grab a quick snack and go to a spot in the trees where no one would bother him.

However, his plan to eat was cut short when he opened the door and nearly walked right into one of his teachers. It was always strange to see his teachers outside of their hero costumes. Aizawa’s was so understated that it could pass off as his regular clothes. He slept in it enough. Besides finding out All Might’s true form, seeing Present Mic in civilian clothes with his hair down always threw Ryouta off guard. It was so weird.

Present Mic looked just as surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m hungry,” Ryouta immediately answered.

“Oh.” Present Mic scratched his chin. “That makes sense.” His eyes dropped from Ryouta’s face down to his feet, slowly widening as he did. The suspicion morphed into horror and his hand covered his mouth. “My god, what did Shouta do to you?”

“Um…” Ryouta wasn’t sure how to answer that since he didn’t know what Present Mic was talking about. At first, he had thought Present Mic had said his brother’s name, but then he realized that he’d misheard him. He had said “Shouta,” not “Shouto,” which then begged the question who that was. It clicked a few seconds later when he realized his teacher was gawking at his outfit. “You mean Aizawa?”

“Yes, I mean Aizawa!” Present Mic waved a hand at him. “That outfit has him written all over it!”

Ryouta sighed. “It’s not that bad.”

“It’s a bright ass outfit that still somehow manages to convey ‘depression’,” Present Mic countered. The remark made Ryouta raise his eyebrows. Besides Bakugou, that was definitely the most forward someone had been about their thoughts concerning what he wore outside of class. The two teachers had known each other for a while though, hadn’t they? Both of them had been teaching at UA when he was here five years ago. Aizawa’s lack of a fashion sense must have been a problem for a while. “And you’re okay wearing that?”

“I mean, it’s not like I have anything else to wear besides my brother’s clothes,” Ryouta pointed out, frustration evident in his voice. It wasn’t like everyone else was the pinnacle of fashion. Most heroes’ costumes were tacky as hell, but he didn’t hear anyone commenting about that. “Plus, I don’t have any money to buy my own clothes. All I have are the funds the school set up for me so I can eat.”

Present Mic gave him a weird look. “The funds…” Realization dawned on his face, which confused Ryouta, but he didn’t question it. “Ah, of course, the funds - I remember now.” He put his hands on his hips and gave him a cheerful grin. It looked normal on him, but Ryouta wasn’t used to seeing that friendliness directed towards him. He was pretty sure that Present Mic neither liked nor trusted him. “Well, you’re in luck, kid, because I think they added more to it recently so you can buy some of your own things.”

“Really? I checked it this morning and I didn’t see anything added.” Ryouta knew that he wasn’t a careful person, but he ran a tight budget. Maybe he wasn’t that great in Present Mic’s English Lit class, but he was damn good at math. He had to be. Accepting any money from his father had been irritating enough, so he had to make sure it stretched for as long as possible and then some in between working odd jobs. He hadn’t known any other UA students that worked on the weekends, but he’d needed to pay for necessities somehow.

“It just happened,” Present Mic insisted. “You need your own shampoo and razors and stuff, right?”

“Yeah,” Ryouta admitted. He’d been using other people’s things, which was humiliating. Shouto kept telling him that he didn’t mind sharing, but all he could think about when he used his brother’s shampoo was that it was the name brand kind, the stuff they used at home. It had been such a stupid shock to switch to the cheaper than store brand toiletries, but he’d done it for over a year now. “I guess I can pull some money out and give it to Shouto to buy me stuff the next time he goes off campus.”

“Huh, that’s right. You haven’t left campus since being brought here, have you?” Present Mic kept his hands on his hips and examined him carefully, like a teacher would a difficult problem. It was a bit off-putting.

Ryouta did his best not to squirm. “I didn’t think it was allowed.”

“It’s true we haven’t considered it before,” Present Mic said, half to himself. He considered Ryouta, looking like he was now trying to solve that problem. Easier said than done. Ryouta knew he was essentially made up of a series of hurdles, each one harder to jump than the previous one. “This isn’t supposed to be a prison for you though.”

“I didn’t think of it that way,” Ryouta replied honestly. Since he hadn’t gone off campus much when he had been here the first time, not leaving felt normal. Although he hadn’t liked UA at times because of how much it reminded him that he was a failure, it was nothing compared to what home felt like. He’d spent years cut off from his quirk every night with the same quirk inhibitor braces that were used on criminals, walking on eggshells and coming up with plans to escape. Now that had been a prison.

The comment didn’t seem to please Present Mic, who still looked like he was trapped in the thought process. “You’ve been on your best behavior too.” Well, that was nice to hear. He had been trying to be good - maybe too hard - but he couldn’t afford for any of the UA staff to think he was planning on acting out or was taking the situation and how much they’d done for him lightly. No one had made any negative remarks about the prank on Bakugou, so he figured he was in the clear there. “I don’t see why you can’t go off campus at least once as long as there’s proper supervision. It’s not like anyone knows who you are.”

Right. No one outside of Class 1-A, the police, and a handful of heroes knew who he was. Any enemies he had made as Dabi, even the League of Villains, wouldn’t know he was anything more than a UA student. As long as he refrained from using his quirk, he should be fine. No one would know the difference.

Even though he had thought about how much he didn’t mind being confined to campus, Ryouta latched onto the idea of being able to get out. It would mean he had built up a sense of trust between him and UA, which was very important to him. No doubt they had kept the police up to date with his progress. Something like that would be necessary in order for UA to keep him here. They had to prove that what they were doing here was right and also that Ryouta wasn’t a menace to society. He had to be twice as good as everyone else in order to get anything.

It wasn’t the idea of going off campus that was such a big deal so much as the idea that they trusted him to do it. The last people to trust him had been his siblings and he had left them behind. There was a lot of making and catching up to do.

“I’ll be good,” Ryouta swore, too eager for his liking. He had to dial it down a notch, but he was excited. Going off campus would be another mark of him acting like a teenager again. Besides going to the store with Fuyumi or taking Natsuo and Shouto to the park, he’d never gone out and done things with friends, mostly because he either didn’t have the money or the friends. “I’ll even wear the quirk inhibitor braces that Aizawa got me. I can hide them under a hoodie. Whatever it takes.”

Something of a smile appeared on Present Mic’s face, which was odd considering Ryouta had never once seen him smile in his direction besides that obviously fake grin earlier. It was always that vague, uneasy look of suspicion. “I thought you didn’t mind staying on campus.”

“Well…” Ryouta shrugged his shoulders. “It’d be nice to see if anything’s changed. Being stuck here, even though so much is different, sometimes makes it feel not real since it’s the last thing I remember.”

Since he hadn’t been able to leave UA, it was sometimes hard for him to remember that the whole world had continued to spin while he had turned into a villain. It was only when he saw how technology like phones had changed or he overheard the other kids talking about media that he realized he had missed so much more than Shouto growing up, Natsuo going to college, or Fuyumi following her dreams.

The stray thought that this must be how his mother felt in the hospital crossed Ryouta’s mind. Her world stayed the same day in and day out while everything changed around her. What would it feel like to step outside? Would it be that much different? Would it be overwhelming or anticlimactic? He wouldn’t know until he left the routine and safety that UA provided. After having experienced a taste of what a normal life could be like with friends, dumb pranks, and the hero course, he was all too eager to have more.

“Let’s see what I can do. I think it’ll be good for you to get out of here.” Present Mic snorted and shook his head. “Besides, someone needs to save you from Shouta’s horrible fashion judgement. I’ve had to deal with him for years. I’m not letting him corrupt you too. This is cruel and unusual punishment. No one should be subjected to that.”

That seemed a little harsh, but Ryouta wasn’t going to argue with his teacher. He clearly took this matter very seriously. At least Present Mic was being honest. He could appreciate that. People being nice to him was good and all, but a little brutal honesty went a long way in this messed up situation. It was probably something he remember for himself.

*

It turned out Ryouta’s first experience off campus was a trip to the mall, which put him on edge. To be honest, he wasn’t a fan of malls, but Present Mic had thought it would be the best place for him to find some clothes of his own to wear. He didn’t care for the large crowds or the store employees popping out of nowhere to ask him if he needed any help. Even if he did, he wouldn’t ask them. Thrift shops were better so he could get in and out without anyone bothering him. No one asked questions there.

The trip also meant he had to find something to wear, which somehow devolved into Uraraka and Iida sifting through the clothes Aizawa gave him until they came up with an outfit that didn’t look like he had dressed in the dark. Shouto had sat back and watched with Deku, looking more amused than he had any right to be, as Uraraka struggled to keep a straight face with every article of clothing she found. Seriously, what was so bad about how he dressed?

After finding a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and plain hoodie, Ryouta was deemed to look decent. Were they embarrassed to be seen with him in public? Whatever.  He didn’t really care either way. He was ready to go. Despite the fact finals were next week, almost everyone was excited to go off campus for a few hours. Even Iida had decided a break was necessary. Ryouta had thought Kaminari was going to cry when he found out they had been given permission to leave. According to him, studying fried his brain worse than overdoing his quirk.

Honestly, Ryouta had expected Aizawa to be one of the teachers supervising the trip, seeing as how his quirk was best suited to subduing him if need be. After all, he knew how poorly of a fighter Ryouta was, so it wouldn’t be difficult to take him down if his quirk was out of the equation. He was surprised to find it was actually Present Mic and Midnight, both of whom were wearing regular clothes as well. If it was weird to see Present Mic in civilian clothes with his long hair down, it was jarring to see Midnight wearing modest clothes. He recognized her from the foreboding smile on her face, but everything else threw him off.

“Try to ignore us and have fun,” Midnight told him as the group made their way down the stairs of the nearest subway stop.

“Right, fun.” That was difficult to do for Ryouta, who knew the teachers were only coming because of him. With her quirk, Midnight could knock him out quickly. None of the other students paid their teachers any attention, all of them wrapped up in what stores they wanted to visit or when they should eat lunch. It was like they weren’t even there. Only Shouto seemed to take note of them, but only as a precaution. He knew what they were (watch guards to keep Ryouta in check) and he didn’t look pleased. There was no way he was going to argue with them though and neither was Ryouta. This was a stretch as it was. “I can do that.”

Apparently, there was an arcade in the mall that Kaminari and Sero were eager to hit up. That was new. The last time Ryouta had gone to the mall, there hadn’t been one. He liked video games well enough, but he wasn’t that great at them. It had taken years to convince their father to let them have a gaming system since he considered them a waste of time, but he’d found out it got his other kids out of his hair. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out. He’d only been to an arcade once years ago.

“And try to get some better clothes!” Present Mic added, all but shoving Ryouta and Midoriya onto the subway after it pulled in front of them.

Shouto sighed, far too dramatically. “That will be a challenge.”

“Oh, I can tell,” Present Mic said. He stayed near the doors, watching all the kids take their seats. Almost the entire class had decided to come on the trip. The unfortunate souls already on the subway car watched in woe as a mob of teenagers piled inside. “If he willingly wore the clothes Shouta gave him without complaint, we already have a problem. I can’t let there be another one. It’s my duty as a hero and teacher to ensure he doesn’t pass on his bad habits to students. Dealing with Shouta is bad enough.”

Midnight laughed as she walked to the back of the car so there was a teacher posted at both sliding doors. It was a good tactical decision. Ryouta sat near the middle in a seat next to Shouto, who looked at ease enough. Up until applying at UA, Ryouta had never been on the subway before. He’d hated it the first time he used it and he hated it now. There were so many people on it, especially on the weekend. At least he could space out. All he planned on doing when they got to the mall was find the cheapest store, snag the plainest clothes he could find, buy some necessities, and be done with it. Then he could follow the others around and relax.

Midoriya spun around in his seat next to Uraraka to look back at them. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Ryouta said, “just kinda anxious and relieved to get off campus.”

“I’m so excited!” Uraraka exclaimed. “I haven’t been in the mall in months. Not that I’m going to buy anything, but I like to look and try on things.” She rubbed her hands together. “Plus, all the free samples at the food court.”

“And you can buy your own stuff so you don’t have to rely on Aizawa’s, um, interesting personal taste,” Midoriya added.

Again, Ryouta didn’t think Aizawa had bought the clothes personally. Even if he had, they gave off a definite thrift store vibe, which was fine by him. After moving out, that was how he’d got a lot of his clothes. The main issue with having a fire quirk and trying to improve it was that most clothes weren’t fire retardant. He couldn’t have said how many t-shirts he had destroyed over the years. Why spend decent money or find things that looked good? That was partly why he didn’t mind how bright, ugly, or boring the clothes he’d been given were. There was a possibility they’d get ruined anyway.

Kaminari clapping him on the shoulder from behind nearly made Ryouta jump, but instead, he turned around to give the other boy a semi-alarmed look. “Our boy is gonna find some clothes that’ll catch all the ladies’ eyes.” He elbowed Sero playfully in the side. “It’ll suck to have more competition, but then you’ll be a proper pretty boy like your brother.”

Shouto’s furrowed brow and slight frown made him look so confused that Ryouta snorted. Even Uraraka giggled and Midoriya grinned. The idea of his little brother being labeled a pretty boy was almost as funny as Ryouta being competition for girls. One of the very last things on his mind was dating. He was pretty damn sure he had much more important things going on in his life than that. There was no way he was going to develop a crush on anyone when he had a life sentence hanging over his head in the form of his future self.

Truth be told, it had never been a big deal before. When his father had cut off his training and sent him to school with Fuyumi and Natsuo, he’d been too wounded and too hung up to develop close bonds or friendships, choosing to stick with his sister or by himself. By the time he reached high school, he simply didn’t care. There wasn’t time for anything like that and, well, he was kind of too absorbed in his own shit to notice anyone else.

Huh, wow. That made him sound like more of a bastard than usual.

“Do you know where you want to go first?” Midoriya asked.

“Erm, not really,” Ryouta admitted.

“We should formulate a plan before splitting off,” Iida said from his seat next to Yaoyorozu on the other side of the train car, “and make sure Present Mic and Midnight are aware of it.”

Ryouta held up his hands. “I don’t care where we go. I’ll follow you all.” If he acted like he didn’t care where they went, maybe they wouldn’t realize he didn’t know where to go. How many of the stores had changed since he’d last been there? He wouldn’t even know where to even begin. Maybe he could ask Uraraka once they got there. Wherever she got clothes would probably work for him.

Everyone seemed ready to split in a mad dash the second they got to the mall, but Iida forced them all to come up with a plan once they got off at the stop. That way their teachers would know where everyone was even if they were going to stick close to whatever group Ryouta found himself in. He figured that they could go to a few stores, but since he wasn’t picky, they wouldn’t take long. Also, even though he knew this whole trip was kind of for him, he didn’t want to be the focus, so he made sure to stress that he would go anywhere they wanted.

Despite the organized plan they had decided on, the moment they stepped foot into the mall, the class split up into groups and bolted in separate directions. Kaminari waved at him as he left with Sero, Kirishima, and Bakugou to the arcade. Uraraka even left them to go with Mina, Asui, Momo, and Hagakure, giving them a helpless shrug as she was dragged off. Others began to taper off until it was just Ryouta, Shouto, Iida, and Midoriya.

It looked like it was officially a boys’ day out shopping. Well, this wasn’t weird at all.

Sighing, Ryouta started forward. “Let’s get this over with.”

“It’ll be fun!” Midoriya told him.

Ryouta looked at him sideways. “Should I put on a fashion show too of whatever clothes I pick out?”

Shouto hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe we should’ve sent him off with the girls.” Even though Ryouta shot him a glare, his younger brother looked dead serious.

Instead of being offended, Midoriya bit his lip as he tried not to smile too much. “Then they really would’ve made him try on everything they picked out so they could see what he looked like. They’d have him wearing whatever clothes they like.” He started to laugh, putting a hand over his mouth to muffle it. “Don’t be so mean, Todoroki!”

“We won’t steer you wrong,” Iida reassured him. He stopped in front of what looked like a nice store and walked inside. The other three boys followed him without complaint. “Just pick whatever you want. These are your clothes, after all.”

If given the option of what clothes he could wear, Ryouta knew it wouldn’t be as bad as what Aizawa had given him. The knowing look on Shouto’s face suggested he thought differently. It wasn’t Ryouta’s fault he couldn’t afford to be picky about what he wore. Even when he had lived at home, buying fancy clothes hadn’t made sense to him. It wasn’t like their dad took him out anywhere. He spent most of his time either at home or school, so whatever Fuyumi bought him for his birthday was what he wore.

Although Ryouta had been certain he wouldn’t be able to miss Present Mic and Midnight watching over him, once he started to wander through the store looking at all the clothes, he forgot about them. He was much more focused on trying to find something the other boys thought looked fine. However, when he did finally pick something out, he balked when he looked at the price tag. He had known this store was probably going to be out of his budget, but he hadn’t realized it was that off.

“What’s wrong?” Iida asked when Ryouta started to put clothes back.

“They, uh, aren’t my size,” Ryouta replied edgily.

“Really?” Iida glanced around. “Let me see if I can find an employee. They might have different sizes in the back. They’re very polite and helpful here whenever I shop here.”

Ah, that explained the prices. Over the past few weeks, Ryouta had become more familiar with the kids he had attacked as Dabi. One of the biggest things about Iida was that he came from a family of heroes as well. Everyone in his family shared similar speed quirks and were in the pro hero business. He was even carrying on the pro hero name Ingenium of his older brother, who could no longer be a hero. It was very inspiring and a huge contrast to what the Todoroki household had been like, except for one thing.

Iida had money. The stores he shopped in were very different from the ones Ryouta had learned to frequent in the past year.

“No, no, it’s okay,” Ryouta insisted quickly before Iida could leave. “I can just look somewhere else.”

Even though he frowned a little, Iida nodded. “If you want. I don’t have need of anything today.”

Ryouta looked around a rack of shirts to find Midoriya and Shouto looking at ties. Shouto was shaking his head, a smile on his face, as Midoriya compared two different ones. Seeing as how it was obvious to Ryouta that Midoriya didn’t know how to tie a tie, it was probably a useless thought. He might not have been able to dress stylishly, but Ryouta’s school tie was always the proper length.

“Hey, Midoriya!” Ryouta called out.

The green-haired boy turned around to face him. “Oh, hey, which one do you think looks better? I need a new tie for any formal outfits.”

“The blue one,” Ryouta told him. Shouto immediately plucked the blue tie out of Midoriya’s hand and put it back on the rack. He hesitated and then put the other one back for good measure. Well, that was rude. Ryouta narrowed his eyes briefly before getting over it. Whatever. “What stores do you usually shop in?”

“Oh, um, not this one,” Midoriya responded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a little out of my price range.” Yes, good, now they were talking. “I get a lot of my clothes in a store further in near the food court. They’ve got pretty good deals and they’re comfortable.”

“Cool, let’s go there,” Ryouta said, already walking out of the store. “Maybe you can find something too.”

“No shirt shirts,” Shouta jumped in, a little too firmly if Ryouta was being honest. Midoriya smiled awkwardly and zipped up his jacket further to hide the evidence. Maybe the real reason why he never outright commented on Ryouta’s clothes was that he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on either. As long as the clothes were comfortable, what was the big deal clothes weren’t that great?

Just as Ryouta had hoped, the store Midoriya took them to was indeed the more or less right place. It had sale written all over it like it was going out of business. Actually, maybe it was going out of business considering how many sale signs were up. It wasn’t like March was a big time for shopping. Here at least, Ryouta could grab clothes at random without having to worry about breaking the bank. He didn’t look at anything he picked for long, just enough to decide he’d wear it without complaint. He needed clothes he could wear as it got warmer what with spring upon them.

After picking out an armful, Ryouta rechecked to make sure they were the right size and on sale. With that taken care of, he made his way to check out, but Shouto stopped him cold by laying a hand on his arm and asking, “Aren’t you going to try them on?”

“I don’t see the point,” Ryouta said. “They’ll fit.”

Shouto sighed and pulled his hand away. “Let me see them.”

Ryouta jerked his arms and the clothes back. “They’re fine, you little shit.”

“You picked them at random,” Shouto retorted. “I watched you go through the store and just grab things when you figured out they were your size.” He shook his head. “Don’t you care in the slightest?”

“Not really,” Ryouta said.

“Why?”

Ryouta opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out and he closed it. Why did he not care? Why was it such a big deal to care about something as basic as his appearance? To be honest, he’d never put much thought into it before. The clothes would get destroyed. What did it matter? When he started attending public school, Fuyumi had edited what he wore, sometimes his mother. While he didn’t understand why they were so particular about it, he didn’t fight them either. Shouldn’t he have cared at least a little? Shouldn’t it have irritated him that he either wore what other people wanted him to wear or he wore whatever he found on the ground? He remembered his mother wrestling him into nice clothes for family portraits, but besides that, he simply...didn’t care.

No, maybe that wasn’t completely it. He remembered finding some of Fuyumi’s horrified reactions funny. Ryouta hadn’t been put together at all. He was a disaster. He could also remember their father forcing him back inside to change. Usually he did, but the times he refused meant he had to stay home alone. Those had been some of the quietest days of his life once the explosive arguing was over.

No, he didn’t care what clothes he wore, but he did care what he looked like. There was a difference.

“Will you even try?” Shouto asked.

Clenching his jaw, Ryouta looked down at the bundle of clothes in his arms. He really didn’t think they looked bad, but, if he thought about it, he knew they would only be a step above what he had now. If he took the time, he could be fully aware of what he was wearing. Objectively, he knew the clothes he wore outside of his school uniform looked bad and he had a shit sense of fashion, but he didn’t care about them. He could wear anything, no matter how stupid or ridiculous as it was, as long as he didn’t look like his dad. That was fine. It was partly why he settled on wearing such plain clothes at home.

Ryouta sighed. “Okay, fine.”

The first thing they did was go through everything he’d picked out before even trying them out. While Iida and Midoriya walked through the store in an attempt to find some formal wear the latter could afford, Shouto tore through Ryouta’s selection without any forgiveness. He frowned, furrowed his brow, and almost cringed with every article of clothing he produced until finally the only clothes that were left was a button up shirt, a dark pair of jeans, and a jacket.

“Seriously?” Ryouta scoffed. “Nothing else was good?” Shouto gave him a judgemental look that said he wasn’t even going to grace him with a response. “Can I be honest?”

“Yes, please,” Shouto said.

Waving a hand at the three articles of clothing left, Ryouta admitted, “I don’t even like these.”

“Then why did you pick them out?” Shouto demanded, the first hints of frustration evident in his voice.

“Because they were super cheap when combined with other clothes for the store deals,” Ryouta shot back, also frustrated. Shouto gawked at him. There might not have been much of a change in his facial expression, but he could tell just how much in shock his brother was right now.

It was understandable. Ryouta had seen his dorm room, after all. As much as he’d gone through with their father, Shouto wasn’t above spending Endeavor’s money either. That was fine. If Ryouta had access to his dad’s credit card right now, he’d probably go wild after the past few weeks had been dumped on him, but it had become important to him not to rely on his help. His pity. He’d given Ryouta the bare amount of funds to take care of himself, just enough that didn’t make him look bad, and that was that. Ryouta had found out the hard way that, despite how much his home life had sucked at times, he’d had it made too. It was a mortifying realization.

“I don’t see why you won’t let me buy this stuff for you,” Shouto finally said.

“Because it’s not your money!” Ryouta exclaimed. He cringed at the volume of his voice, hunkering his shoulders so he could hide behind a coat rack, and then rubbed his temple. “I appreciate the gesture - I do - but I did everything I could to not rely on our dad. I went by a different name. I never mentioned him at school. I didn’t ask for help. It was… It is important to me that I still don’t.”

The shock on Shouto’s face was gone, replaced by something softer that looked more like understanding. There was a moment where they stared at each other and it felt like another piece of the puzzle had fallen in between them. So much of living with Shouto now and going to school with him meant figuring each other out all over again. Luckily he’d had practice doing that with Fuyumi after their father had decided to end his training, but it didn’t make it fun or less painful, just easier.

“Find anything?” Midoriya asked, a bag filled with purchased items in one hand. Iida looked...tired. Apparently, his attempts at convincing his friend out of his poor taste in fashion hadn’t gone as well as Shouto’s.

Ryouta shook his head. “Nope, I’m still a hopeless cause.”

Iida picked at the clothes that Shouto had discarded. “Why?”

“Look, I just don’t care, alright?” Ryouta sighed. “I never have. Whatever is given to me, whatever fits, whatever doesn’t have too many burn holes in it, I’ll wear it. Seriously, it’s that simple.”

“Surely you have a preference though, right?” Iida queried.

“I-” Ryouta’s shoulders dropped. If he had to choose something - if he had to pick a style - he knew what he would wear, but he didn’t want to wear that right now. Looking at these clothes now and thinking about the obnoxiously bright-colored clothes that Aizawa had given him, it had been an easy choice to make when the other option made him think of the person staring him in the face. His future.

“He looks like the walking dead.” Yeah, but he’d liked that jacket a lot. Ryouta had spent too many nights thinking about that stupid photo of Dabi that had thrown his world upside down not to face that errant thought. It was frustrating. As if his quirk wasn’t a bad enough reminder or his mere presence. He didn’t need to do anything else that would make them compare him to Dabi.

Before Ryouta could finish that thought or anyone prompt him to continue, Midoriya perked up and waved at someone coming up behind them. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”

“It’s close to when Iida proposed we meet up at the food court.”

Ryouta turned around, spotting Tokoyami and Shoji stopping in front of them. They had gone off separately with Jirou, who turned out to be behind Shoji. He was large enough to block her from sight before she stepped around him to look at the clothes Ryouta was no longer buying. With one earbud plugged into her ear, she could bop her head to the loud music and still listen in on the conversation. She had the right idea. When she looked at the clothes and raised her eyebrow, he fought the urge to throw his hands up and walk out of the store. Granted, out of everyone here, she did have the best style.

“Ah, you’re right,” Iida said when he looked at his watch. “I suppose we should head that way.”

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” Tokoyami asked, his sharp eyes moving from Midoriya holding his purchases to Ryouta holding nothing.

“Uh, not exactly…” Ryouta gave a sheepish smile. “Maybe another time, yeah?”

The three newcomers looked at each other, a moment of silent communication passing between them that could only come from having been around each other nearly every day for a full year. While Jirou typically wore a near constant bored expression that made her hard to read, it was even more difficult with Tokoyami, who had an actual bird’s head, and Shoji, who wore a mask over half his face.

The first one to break was Jirou, who huffed and said, “We’ve gotta do it.”

“It is not our job,” Tokoyami responded.

“Yeah, but…” Jirou waved a hand at Ryouta, which made him stiffen. “Dude, come on. You know it too.”

“She has a point,” Shoji added.

Tokoyami closed his eyes, folded his arms, and sighed deeply. It was incredibly dramatic, which made Ryouta unsure of how to react, leaving him to stand mutely and eye them all. They were communicating on a level he wasn’t privy to, even though he knew he was somehow a part of their conversation.

“Listen, not to interrupt you all or anything, but what the hell are you talking about?” Ryouta blurted.

When Tokoyami opened his eyes, he turned his focus onto Ryouta and said in a voice that was both very serious and mysterious, “This is not your store.”

Ryouta looked around like the store might actually provide him with an answer to that statement, but no help came. He had no fucking clue what Tokoyami was talking about right now. This was one of the first times he’d been involved with any of these three. How could they possibly know anything about him? They had friends in the class, but he’d noticed they either stuck with themselves or flittered between groups. Not everyone had a set core of friends like Midoriya or Bakugou.

“Just follow us,” Jirou told him.

He knew they were being helpful, but it sounded kind of ominous. His feet didn’t move. “Why?”

“Do you actually like any of the clothes here or are you just grabbing whatever?” Shoji asked, his voice somewhat muffled behind his face mask. Having been called out by someone that barely knew him and had maybe said all of three words to him was unsettling. His face must have given them the answer because he nodded his head. Even Tokoyami and Jirou looked like they’d had their suspicions confirmed.

“I thought this might be the case,” Tokoyami said in a tone that was much too solemn for the situation.

“Seriously,” Ryouta demanded, “what are you talking about?”

Jirou playfully punched him in the shoulder. “You’re one of us, man.” She turned to Shouto. “Mind if we take him for a bit? You all can go on to the food court. I think we know somewhere he can find some clothes he likes and won’t look like he dressed in the dark.” She smirked. “On second thought…”

Shouto turned to face him, an almost defeated expression on his face. “Are you okay going with them?”

“Going where?” Ryouta questioned. “No offense, but you all are being stupidly cryptic.”

“A place where you belong,” Tokoyami said dramatically.

“Somewhere you’ll fit in,” Jirou added cheekily.

“We’re just helping you get clothes you’ll actually like,” Shoji finished. When he rolled his eyes, it was so emphatic Ryouta couldn’t help but nod. It was the most emotion he’d seen from him so far. He had thought that Jirou was pretty level-headed, but considering she hung out with Bakugou’s group half the time, he should’ve known better.

When Ryouta glanced at his brother, Shouto only sighed. “Just go with them.”

“You sure?” Ryouta asked.

“They’re better equipped to help you,” Shouto told him.

What the hell did that mean? Ryouta let Jirou throw an arm over his shoulders and guide him out of the store. It was an intimate move, but somehow gave off the vibe they weren’t that close. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but it was impressive. He shrugged his shoulders helplessly at his brother before they made a left turn and was out of each other’s sight.

“So, uh, where are we going?” Ryouta asked in his best good-natured voice. He sounded like a boy scout. It was terrible.

Jirou grinned up at him. “You’ll see.”

This time, Ryouta was the one to roll his eyes. “You don’t have to be so-”

“Here!”

He rolled his eyes right onto the store. “Oh.”

Even though it was dumb, his cheeks turned red. This was the one place in the mall he’d been avoiding. He knew it would still be here as this style never died. Looking at the three Class 1-A kids with him now, he should have immediately known where they were taking him. There was too much black clothing between the three for any one of them to not shop at a store like this. He could point out the cool band t-shirts or nerd merch all he wanted to justify coming here. It would only make the fact he’d shopped at this place that more obvious.

“How did you know?” Ryouta asked quietly.

Tokoyami was almost scathing in his honesty when he said, “I remember your clothes from the Training Camp.”

It was a blow to the ego, although Ryouta knew he hadn’t meant it that way. Five years was a long time, but at the same time, it wasn’t. His style probably hadn’t changed that much in between him dropping out of UA and him joining the League. It hadn’t gotten much better, but it hadn’t gotten worse either. That jacket had been cool, along with the boots. As much as he hated it, he could stand here right now and admit that to himself. He’d worn a lot of dark, drab colors growing up. They fit him well.

But he hadn’t wanted to do that now. He didn’t want anyone at UA to look at him and see Dabi, which he knew those clothes would do. Maybe the bright colors had been a shield.

“It’s okay,” Shoji told him.

Jirou pulled her arm away. “Yeah, you’re in good company.”

“I just…” Ryouta sighed. “I don’t want you to think I’m him.”

Tokoyami shook his head. “The clothes don’t make the person. They don’t make the villain or the hero either.”

Ryouta ran his fingers through his hair, stopping to rest his hand on the back of his head. “I guess I was being kind of stupid. I know I don’t dress for shit, but it was always easier sticking to black or neutral colors.” Plus, burns and soot were harder to spot on black clothes. “You’re still probably gonna have to help me.”

“Finally,” Jirou said smugly, “a makeover I can get behind.”

It wasn’t any less weird picking out clothes and having people edit him, but he was definitely more comfortable in this store. The prices were a little higher than he would’ve liked, but that was a price he would have to pay if he wanted to wear clothes that ticked every box. Just going for comfort and a low price wasn’t always a good thing, if only because they weren’t a decent quality either. Caring about his appearance wouldn’t make him a bad person. Neither would dressing in the same colors and style as Dabi. It annoyed him, but if they didn’t think it was awful, then maybe he was overthinking things.

For some reason, it made him think of the horrific scars on Dabi’s body. He must have cared an awful lot about what (and who) he looked like to let himself get that damaged. What had he been thinking? Had he wanted to erase every last remnant of who he was - or where he came from? He’d inherited his mother’s build, but he’d grown up looking like his father, the only child born with both his signature red hair and eyes. He’d dyed his hair and either burned himself or let his quirk burn him beyond recognition - and then continued to wear either shitty or neutral black clothes.

With their assistance, combined with Ryouta’s need to get this over with, they gathered an armful of clothes he could try on. He was content with trusting their gut and simply buying it, but Jirou had insisted he try them just in case to check the fit and if he liked them on him.

“Remember,” Jirou said on the other side of the changing room door, “it’s okay to be picky sometimes.”

“Yeah, but what’s the point?” Ryouta asked as he tugged a t-shirt over his head. “If it fits, is comfortable, and doesn’t look like shit, then it should be fine.”

“It’s a confidence thing,” Jirou told him. “When you look good and actually like what you’re wearing, you’ll feel better. Trust me, there’s something awesome about putting on the right pair of boots.”

Was he that obvious about his fluctuating confidence issues? Ryouta couldn’t deny he had them in spades - after what he’d gone through with his father, there was no sense in it - but he also knew he was clever and strong. As much as he hated his quirk and the way it took control, he liked it at the same time too. It was hard to explain. He’d made it and continued to do so despite everything thrown at him. Of course, that didn’t mean he was handling things well. Maybe she had a point though. He’d never really thought of his appearance that way.

“So?” Shoji prompted.

“I…” Ryouta stared at his reflection. “I don’t really care for this one?”

“Toss it over, man, and try on the next one,” Jirou immediately replied. She didn’t sound offended at all that he didn’t like a shirt she’d picked out. He pulled it over his head and did as he was told, throwing it over the door and then grabbing the next shirt.

After that, it went by a lot faster. In the end, only that shirt and a pair of jeans that were far too skinny for his comfort were put back on the racks. Everything else fit perfectly, was affordable, and, as Jirou had suggested, he did like them and felt a little more confident.

Before he could go up to pay, Jirou rushed back with a black leather jacket in her hands. “You have to get this.”

Ryouta immediately reached out for it, already liking the look of it, but then hesitated. “Uh, isn’t it a little…too on the nose?” It wasn’t a long jacket like the one he’d seen Dabi wearing in that picture and lacked the stitching and metal braces, but it did make him think of it, which meant others would think the same.

“We can match,” Jirou said in an attempt to make him feel better. “Besides, it’s cold outside. You need one jacket.”

When Ryouta took the jacket from her, Jirou smiled in triumph and Tokoyami nodded his head like some wise sage. Hell, maybe he was. Over half the clothes Ryouta ended up buying had been picked by him. He had planned on putting them up when they got back to the dorms, but Shoji suggested he go ahead and change into some of his new clothes in the bathroom. It was a little awkward, especially with a random stranger complaining that he was taking too long, but once he stepped out, a funny thing happened. The guy took one look at him and shut up.

It was ridiculous how much a simple change of clothes could, well, change things.

The moment he walked out of the bathroom, Jirou high-fived both Tokoyami and Shoji. “Success!”

“Much better,” Shoji told him.

At first, Ryouta thought Tokoyomi would say something cryptic like, “You are now one with the darkness,” or equally strange that he seemed fond to do, but he didn’t say anything. However, he looked like he approved. Again, it was hard to tell with his bird features, but he didn’t look horrified.

“Thanks,” Ryouta said. “Shouto will probably still think I look ridiculous, but…”

“He’s got that rich kid pretty boy style going for him,” Jirou said, rolling her eyes. That made Ryouta grin. Yeah, he kind of did now that he thought about it. Natsuo had more of a jock style too while Fuyumi had always gone for modest and slightly girly. “You’ve got this.”

Shoji waved for them to follow him to the food court where everyone else would no doubt be waiting for them. Now that the shopping was out of the way, Ryouta felt a lot more eager about being off campus. Hopefully, they’d have some time left over to go to the arcade later. He wanted to do something fun. Shopping certainly didn’t count. It had been easier with these three, but he was glad it was over. He’d never liked shopping before and he didn’t now.

As soon as they entered the food court, Ryouta’s first thought was that it was large and then it was overwhelming. The number of choices didn’t bother him so much as the number of people. If he wasn’t picky about what he wore, he was even less picky about what he ate. Growing up, half the time anything he ate came up anyway, so it didn’t matter if he ate something heavy, light, delicious, crappy, sweet, or salty. It had always been more about quantity over quality for him. If the training wasn’t enough, his quirk alone burned through him quick, leaving him skinny no matter how much food he shoveled in his mouth.

Spotting the Class 1-A group was easy. They were all crowded in a handful of tables in the middle of the food court with Iida seemingly herding them. Uraraka caught sight of them first, waving to catch their attention. A huge smile lit up her face when she spotted Ryouta, which put him at ease. Okay, so it wasn’t just these three. He had done a good job. Well, they had done a good job and he’d rolled with it. Before getting in line for food, Ryouta made his way over there so he could drop his bags off.

“Oh, you look so good!” Uraraka burst when he set the bags in the chair next to her. “So edgy and cool.”

Ryouta snorted. “Stop.”

Shouto eyed him for a moment before deciding, “It’s better than I remembered. There’s actual style.”

“Glad to receive your approval,” Ryouta retorted dryly.

Iida finally took his seat at the table. “I understand your hesitance about your choice in clothing, but you should have said something earlier.” He didn’t have to be straightforward for Ryouta to hear the implication: We’re not going to think you’re a villain because you want to wear a black leather jacket.

Thinking back on it now made him feel foolish, but he was doing so much to distance himself from Dabi, especially in their eyes. Anything that came off as threatening was something he did not do. It was why he’d been so passive over the past few weeks. While he wasn’t confident like Shouto or arrogant like Bakugou, he wasn’t a doormat either. He’d struggled and fought too much to be one. After that confrontation with Monoma, talking with all three of his siblings, and the prank on Bakugou, he didn’t feel like acting like one either. It wasn’t him.

“I’ll be right back,” Ryouta told them. He walked in the direction of the nearest food station, weaving his way through the crowd. He didn’t even know what it was until he got in line and looked at the sign. Jirou’s voice piped up in his head reminding him he could be picky about some things, but he shook it away. This was fine.

“Oh my god, I love your jacket!” a girl exclaimed. Ryouta blinked and turned to the side, only to lean back when he realized how close she was. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh, um, the store by the coffee shop,” Ryouta answered, pointing vaguely in that direction. It was the first time he’d spoken with a civilian after being de-aged since the others had dealt with any employees. It shouldn’t have made his heart race, but it did. This person not only had no idea who he was, but she wasn’t even involved in heroics. She would take his answer and run with it, not thinking anything of it or him.

“It looks really cool,” the girl told him, a bright smile on her face. “You look great in it.”

He’d beat himself over the head for it later, but Ryouta actually blushed. “Um, thanks?”

It was like dealing with Mina’s forwardness all over again when she’d told him to call him by her given name. This girl looked to be around his age with long black hair and dark brown eyes. She was pretty, but things like that had always been objective, errant thoughts he didn’t have time for. He definitely didn’t have time for them now.

“I’ll have to check out that store,” the girl replied teasingly. “Ta ta!”

And then she was gone, all but disappearing in the crowd. Had that just happened? Ryouta stood there awkwardly until he heard the food employee behind the counter call for him a second time. Oh, it was his turn. He hastily ordered his food and handed over the cash. Still somewhat dazed, he carried his food back to the table where he’d put his clothes, not really paying attention to where he was going.

“It’s happening already!” Kaminari wailed dramatically from the table next to them.

“What’s happening?” Mina asked as she munched on her meal.

Kaminari pointed an accusing finger at Ryouta. “The girls are already going after him. Did you see that hot chick walk up and hit on him? You know the hottest girls hang out in malls.” Mina shrugged her shoulders as if to say he wasn’t wrong. “I knew this was going to happen. Our chances with girls decrease with every Todoroki apparently.”

“Don’t worry,” Ryouta told him, his cheeks still warm with embarrassment. “I’m not going to steal girls from you.”

“You don’t have to,” Kaminari sighed, plopping onto the bench. “They’ll come flocking to you, leaving the rest of us poor souls behind.”

“Because girls like edgy bastards?” Bakugou drawled.

Kaminari knowingly pointed a chopstick at him. “Just because you’re too much of a hothead for girls to like you-”

“Would you shut up?” Bakugou snapped.

A grin found its way onto Kaminari’s face, one that Ryouta immediately recognized as a bad idea. “I thought for sure the hair change would mellow you out in girls’ eyes.”

The mini-explosions that rattled from Bakugou’s palms made the couple next to them jump and their table shake, but Kaminari only laughed and leaned out of his reach. It didn’t even make Mina, Kirishima, or Sero blink. They all kept eating and watching with amusement on their faces. They weren’t scared of him at all. Granted, the hot pink hair did do wonders for making him look less threatening. He seemed to know it too, which made him simmer even more.

As usual, Ryouta took lunch as an opportunity to keep to himself while everyone else conversed. They were happy about getting the chance to take a break from studying for finals. It wasn’t until they were finished that he noticed Midoriya looking at him in thought.

“Uh, something wrong?” Ryouta prompted.

“Oh, I was just wondering…” Midoriya said, sounding like he might be talking to himself. “You aren’t familiar with any of the stores at the mall. If you didn’t come here to shop, where did you get clothes and stuff?”

“Ah, right.” Ryouta no longer felt hungry, despite the few bites left on his plate. He pushed them aside with his chopsticks until he finally set them down. Shouto was watching him too. He must have been thinking the same thing. Ryouta tried not to sigh. He would’ve had to face this truth eventually. Their curiosity would’ve grown too much eventually, particularly Uraraka’s, who he could tell was trying her best to act like she wasn’t listening. Well, he had to own up to his methods at some point. “I usually go to a thrift shop around the corner.”

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Iida asked, sounding genuinely distraught.

“I didn’t think you all would want to go there,” Ryouta replied. It was the truth, but it wasn’t the entire truth. No, there was something far more embarrassing than a thrift shop. Shouto looked troubled. He’d probably never been to a thrift shop before, seeing as how Ryouta had never been to one until he moved out. When he had stressed about how little money he had, his brother hadn’t realized how bad it was.

He had no idea.

“Why don’t we go there?” Iida suggested. “You can probably get cheaper things like pajamas and such there.”

“Oh, no, we don’t have to do that,” Ryouta said quickly. “That stuff can wait.”

“I’d like to go,” Shouto cut in.

Ryouta tried not to wince. Out of everyone to speak, he knew he would cave immediately if Shouto wanted to go. When he looked around, he realized everyone at the table looked done eating and interested in leaving. Well, it was now or never. The moment he stood up, a handful of others did as well, taking it as a signal. At least most of the class was staying behind. He’d only have to suffer humiliation from a few people then.

When he glanced around, he caught sight of Present Mic and Midnight for the first time since walking into the mall. They’d done an amazing job blending in. He could tell they were curious about what was going on. Ryouta kind of hoped they would put a stop to this - maybe say they had to stay at the mall or go back to UA - but no, they stood up and threw away their trash too.

This was happening. They were really doing this. He thought he might puke as they walked out of the mall in the direction of the thrift shop. That pretty girl from the food court wouldn’t think he looked so cool if she saw where he was going now. How embarrassing.

Ryouta tried to ignore the feeling of self-consciousness prickling at his skin. Unfortunately, it only seemed to increase with every step he took. I could have lied, he errantly thought. Guilt immediately welled up inside him. It wasn’t enough to make the notion any less painfully tempting. He could have just taken them to the thrift store. Instead, they were about to learn the truth of how he lived.

He had to hold back a grimace as he glanced over his shoulder. Shouto was quietly discussing something with Yaoyorozu, whose caution and excitement seemed to be growing in equal parts, while Uraraka was happily chattering with Midoriya and Iida, as they moved deeper into the “shady” part of the shopping district.

They were all going to think he was a fucking garbage person.

There was only one more corner to turn before they reached their destination. Shoving his feelings down, Ryouta forced himself to quicken his pace, only to falter once the store was actually in plain view. His last step before coming to a halt hit the pavement a little harder than usual, generating an echo. He couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at the expressions of his companions. Instead, his gaze was locked on the large, glittering thrift shop, promising to provide cheap goods and ask no questions.

Confusion flickered in the undercurrents of Shouto’s voice. “Is this it…?”

Before Ryouta could feel too much like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole, Uraraka happily exclaimed, “I’ve come here before!”

The statement prompted Ryouta to risk a cautious glance over his shoulder. None of the others were actually looking at him. Uraraka was staring intensely at the store, rocking forward onto the balls of her feet and counting something off on her fingers. Meanwhile, Shouto, Midoriya, and Iida had all turned their attention to Yaoyorozu, who was starting to speak. “It’s kind of like that store we went to, isn’t it?” Her lips were pressed in a small smile while her eyes glimmered with excitement. It looked like there might have been something else there as well, maybe nostalgia, or maybe something rawer, but this wasn’t the time to try to look into it.

For the life of him, he couldn’t think of a reason why Yaoyorozu Momo would go to a thrift shop (or his brother for that matter), but the knowledge that she had done so was something of a relief. It didn’t put him completely at ease by any means, but some of the tension drained out of his shoulders and allowed him to start moving again. “Not quite. Actually… “ Actually, as much as he wanted to say something that would immediately make them understand that he wasn’t some sort of disgusting freak, such a thing was impossible. Ryouta signed in resignation. “Just follow me.”

So much for overcoming his shame. Not only was it back, but he could feel it intensifying with every step he took. It was only sheer willpower and the knowledge that turning back would make him look suspicious that made him keep moving. As promised, he didn’t lead them inside the store. Instead, he began to walk around it into the alley leading to the area behind the store. Murmurs just a little too quiet to make out emitted from the group behind him as they went further into the darkness.

Forget being gross. I’ll be lucky if they don’t think I’m going to murder them. A corner of his lips twitched in dark, unhappy amusement.

A de-aged villain leads a group of naive students into a dark alleyway. It didn’t take a comedy genius to figure out how that joke ended.

After a walk that felt much longer than it really was, Ryouta came to a stop. The others falling silent didn’t come as much of a relief, as he had lead them directly over to a trio of dumpsters. He pursed his lips and lifted his chin a little despite the heat he could feel building in his face. “This is it,” he announced. In different circumstances, he might have been proud of himself for keeping his voice from wavering when his every nerve was on edge with anticipation for their response. Right now, telling his younger brother and his friends that he frequently did his “shopping” in other people’s trash, already well aware of what they thought of his fashion sense, he just felt uncomfortable, darkly amused, and bitterly accepting. This was it: one of the most embarrassing situations he had ever willingly walked into.

Although he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, he did plant his hands on his hips, as if he was not only unashamed, but proud of his overly thrifty ways.

He thought he heard Shouto begin to say something or, more accurately, make a surprised, confused, and probably horrified noise. Before it could form into words or grow loud enough for him to confirm that it really was his brother, Uraraka spoke up and saved his hide once again. “Oh! I’ve always wanted to try this!” She strode forward, entering Ryouta’s line of sight and stopping only inches away from the dumpsters. “Which one are we gonna climb in?”

Ryouta rubbed at his arm, more than a little dumbstruck. “Last time I was here, the one on the right was used for actual trash,” he hesitantly offered, “but the other two…”

Uraraka nodded decisively. “Right!” As if entirely without shame, she closed the distance between herself on the middle dumpster, braced her hands against the side of its open top, and vaulted in. He couldn’t help but find the sight oddly admirable. It wasn’t as hard as he had expected to push the anxiety out of his expression before turning around.

Shouto looked absolutely gobsmacked. That much he had expected. It was news to him that his brother had ever been inside a thrift shop. Dumpster diving had to be a completely alien and ridiculous notion to him. The self-conscious that it would have sent flooding through him was paused by the expressions everyone else wore. There was obvious curiosity intermingled with Iida’s confusion. Midoriya looked like he had a better idea of what was going on and was fidgeting in what might be nervousness or excitement, maybe both. The most surprising was probably Yaoyorozu, who displayed a layer of hesitance, but was clearly excited beneath it, maybe even eager. Finally, Midnight and Present Mic leaned against a wall a short distance away, engrossed in a hushed conversation. Occasionally, one of them would shoot a glance at the students, but they didn’t look like they were going to stop them.

If the students all seemed to have a hint of repressed melancholia seeping through everything else, he refused to let himself acknowledge it. For the most part, they didn’t look disgusted or upset to be there. That was good enough for him.

Ryouta took a moment to make sure he wasn’t fidgeting before speaking. “I know this looks weird, but they throw out a lot of-” Nice? No, it might be different if it was just Midoriya, but he couldn’t call the stuff he would get from here “nice” when he was speaking to Iida, Yaoyorozu, and Shouto as well. He didn’t need them to start wondering what “bad” was by his standards. “Usable stuff here. As long as you don’t go in the one on the right, it’s pretty clean too.”

After several long seconds in which the only sound came from Uraraka rooting around in the dumpster behind him, Midoriya asked, “What kind of stuff?”

“All sorts!” Ryouta immediately restrained a wince, caught off guard by how loud he was. Loud by his standards, at least. It wasn’t enough to qualify as a shout, but it did bring him close to sounding excited. That wasn’t quite the case. Someone starting a conversation was just such a relief. It meant that they were getting on with it, which brought him one step closer to this moment being over. That the immediate reaction wasn’t one of revulsion made it even better. Even so, he toned his voice down and fought down the warmth threatening to creep up his neck as he continued. “They’ll take pretty much anything, but they get enough donations that they throw away anything flawed. Not just broken stuff. Things with a little tear or dent get tossed as well.”

Iida began to look a little more intrigued, only for it to be overshadowed by a fresh wave of concern. He warily eyed the dumpsters for a moment before speaking up. “Ryouta, are you certain this is legal? I mean no offense by the question, of course!”

“I have it on good authority that it isn’t illegal,” Midnight chimed in. Normally, that particular teacher jumping into a conversation with a devious glimmer in her eyes would make his stomach twist in anxiety. This time, her interruption provided a welcomed distraction from the much more painful sensation of his entire being threatening to tie itself into knots over the legality of his actions being questioned.

With a stiff nod, Ryouta confirmed, “It isn’t.”

“Don’t remind me,” Present Mic grumbled. It earned him a gentle elbow from Midnight and an odd look from Ryouta, but before anyone could ask what he meant, Iida began speaking again.

“If our teachers are alright with it and you’re certain it’s safe, then so am I.” Iida pursed his lips and clasped his hands together, the innocent action managing to increase the discomfort of the situation. Maybe it was the absence of his usual arm movements that was doing it. “I would like to reiterate that I did not mean to insult, offend, or insinuate anything with my question. I understand how it may have come across, although the realization came too late, but that is no excuse!” His hands unclasped, as if it were physically impossible for them to remain still for too long when so much nervous energy was coursing through him. It didn’t bring any relief, considering what he was saying. “I assure you that I would have asked anyone else the same question and-”

Ryouta raised a hand to cut him off before the tirade could take on a life of its own and achieve sentience. “Iida, it’s fine.” He doubted that his fake smile was particularly convincing, but he had to do something. Aside from Uraraka, who may not have heard any of it because of how engrossed in the dumpster she seemed, everyone else looked at least a little, if not very, uncomfortable. Like himself, they were probably all (except Shouto, if he was being honest with himself) well aware of how asking a de-aged criminal if he was breaking the law looked without anyone pointing it out. He didn’t blame Iida anyway. Regardless of Ryouta’s status, it was a reasonable enough question and he knew that he didn’t mean anything by it. All of the stuff that came afterward was just…unnecessary.

A heavy silence fell over the group. It was broken by the dull thud of something hitting the concrete. Ryouta whirled around to see Uraraka scrambling out of the dumpster, where a large, black, malformed bag now laid in front of. “I think there’s a beanbag in there!” she cried. “It felt like everything in there’s soft, too.”

It was like a spell had been broken and everyone suddenly remembered why they were there. While Uraraka got to work opening the trash bag, Midoriya gave a decisive nod before stepping forward and declaring, “I’ll try too.”

That prompted Shouto to make a half-strangled sound before, “Midoriya.”

Midoriya shot him a sheepish grin. “It looks like fun,” he defended, “and if I find something nice…”

Despite knowing that his younger brother definitely didn’t approve of his preferred method of “shopping” method and feeling much more aware of Present Mic and Midnight’s presence than he had been only moments ago, he had to admit that there was something funny about watching the color drain out of Shouto’s face. Ryouta waved an arm at the dumpsters as Midoriya began to walk forward. “Go ahead. You don’t need to wait for my permission. I’m not the keeper of the dumpsters.” Once Midoriya had passed him, Ryouta shot Shouto a smirk that said he was absolutely the keeper of the dumpsters.

His brother looked somewhat pained. “This is…how you got your belongings?” he slowly asked.

Ryouta fought to keep his shame pushed down. It was made easier by the sound of Midoriya climbing into the dumpster and Uraraka squealing excitedly. Apparently, she had found her bean bag. “A lot of them, yes.” He shrugged in an attempt to look casual and decided not to tell him it was also how he planned to get most of his stuff going forward. “It doesn’t cost anything and, as you can see, it pays off.”

As if on cue, Midoriya gleefully exclaimed, “Posters!” His immediate silence afterward suggested that he regretted his nerdy outburst. Even so, Ryouta pointedly raised an eyebrow.

Shouto furrowed his brows. “I know why you don’t want to borrow money, but…” He glanced uncertainly between Ryouta and the dumpsters. He didn’t know if Shouto noticed him pursing his lips slightly or just decided to change tactics, but instead of continuing his previous sentence, he asked, “What if there are rats?”

“Most of them stay with the actual garbage.” Not only did his brother look unconvinced, but the faint widening of his eyes suggested that he was horrified that there might be rats at all. Ryouta snorted. “If you find one, just give it a little nudge and it’ll go away.”

A discomfort not dissimilar to Shouto’s fell over Iida’s face. However, for whatever reason, that was when Yaoyorozu decided to step forward. The nervousness in her expression was largely overpowered by resolve. “I would like to try as well.” Her statement earned her a surprised look from Iida and a partially worried, partially betrayed one from Shouto. The latter’s jaw began to loosen as if he was about to say something, only for him to firmly close it again seconds later.

“Are you sure?” Iida asked, careless or unaware of whatever had held Shouto back. Probably the latter, knowing him. “If a rat bites you, it would mandate a visit to the hospital.”

Yaoyorozu wavered, only to steel herself with a sharp nod. “I’m wearing tall boots. I’ll be fine.”

Ryouta grinned for real. That wasn’t something he had expected, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise. Yaoyorozu returned his expression as she walked past him. Her smile was small and hesitant, but warm and encouraging in a way that didn’t feel condescending. It made him think he was silly to worry about what Shouto would think of his dumpster-diving. He was a rich boy who, although his childhood was incredibly flawed, had never lived anything other than an expensive lifestyle and, from what he remembered, wasn’t the sort of child to be drawn in by “gross” things. Of course he would be put off by dumpster diving. He also knew next to nothing about practical living. If he had never lived with the sort of circumstances that would drive someone to consider it, he would probably think it was gross as well.

That meant that Shouto’s squeamishness was relevant in regards to one thing and one thing alone: mockery.

Ryouta turned on his heels to stride over to the dumpsters. Since Yaoyorozu and Midoriya were both already in the middle dumpster, Midoriya carefully placing what looked like All Might posters in a pile on top of a relatively flat garbage bag while Yaoyorozu poked at something, he moved toward the one on the left. As he walked past her, Uraraka stopped sorting through the pile of tattered Beanie Babies that had been in the bag alongside a sickly-green beanbag chair to shoot him a smile and wink. It almost made him pause. Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that she took that bag out when she did.

He quickly brushed that thought aside. There was every chance that he was just overthinking things again.

It was just as easy to climb into the dumpster as he remembered. Once he found his footing atop the pile of bags within, he looked over his shoulder and, in a somewhat stiff and haughty voice, called, “A hero can’t be scared of rats. They’re just a part of life.”

Shouto wrinkled his nose. Victory.

Meanwhile, Iida frowned and, apparently failing to get the joke, said, “There’s a difference between being too scared to do something and not wanting to take an unnecessary risk. You may do as you wish, but we will content ourselves with watching.”

When his classmate finished speaking, Shouto simply said, “Not the life I choose to live.”

Ryouta narrowed his eyes. “The prissy life,” he teased.

Getting an accurate read of Shouto was still a difficult task, but as he watched, he was pretty sure he saw a myriad of subtle changes flicker across his expression. First was amusement, then seriousness, something that could have been uncertainty or worry, and finally, that neutral mask snapped back into position. It remained as Shouto shook his head slowly. “I’m not going to respond to that.”

All thoughts related to whatever his brother might be thinking were forcibly pushed to the back of his mind. Instead, Ryouta not only gave in to but embraced the impulsive urge to say, “You just did.”

Wisely, Shouto didn’t say anything this time.

Spirit bolstered, Ryouta moved to give Iida an amused smirk before finally turning his attention to the contents of the dumpster. He wasn’t even able to finish the first task before the sound of crinkling plastic distracted him. His gaze moved from the class president to Midnight and Present Mic. While the former was still leaning against the wall, an amused look on her face, the latter was kneeling down and rifling through one of the shopping bags. The remainder of how they had essentially foisted their shopping upon the teachers during the walk over made him feel a twinge of guilt, which was promptly overshadowed by confusion when the teacher retrieved what looked like a wad of clothing and stood back up with a triumphant sound.

By that point, everyone else had noticed he was doing something and watched with keen eyes. It also looked like Present Mic couldn’t care less. He strode confidently over to the dumpsters, seemingly unbothered by the curious stares and the gentle thwack Midnight gave his arm as he passed her. As he got closer, Ryouta squinted at the mass he was carrying, only to squint a little harder when he was able to make out what it was.

“Are those…the clothes I wore here?” he asked.

Present Mic didn’t answer at first. He stopped in front of the dumpster on the right, made a face at what Ryouta assumed was the scent of garbage, and dropped the clothes in the dumpster in a motion that managed to feel careless and ceremonial at the same time. Solemnly, he said, “It’s where they belong.” The effect was ruined by him promptly scrambling away from the dumpster and the odor surrounding it. “Let’s just hope Shouta doesn’t find them again.”

Ryouta blinked slowly. Was he really implying what he thought he was implying? With what he knew of Aizawa, it would make sense, yet the prospect that it might be true felt entirely alien. It was enough to make him disregard the waste of clothes for the time being. He cast a searching look at Shouto and Iida, who, much like him, looked like they were cautiously dancing on the brink of a revelation.

There was a faint rustling from the dumpster next to him as Midoriya, who had practically disappeared inside of it in his search for nerd memorabilia and other items of interest, resurfaced. Slowly, he asked, “Are you saying that Mr. Aizawa also…?”

Midnight’s laughter cut through the conversation. “He used to bring us here when we were your age,” she gleefully confirmed.

Present Mic let out an agitated huff. “Don’t remind me.” He pointed a finger at Ryouta and cried out, “Now you know what I’m trying to protect you from! He’s trying to make a miniature version of himself!”

Shouto’s gaze drifted over to Ryouta, thoughtful enough that he could almost feel it. “You do seem to have a lot in common,” he remarked. It didn’t sound like an insult.

Ryouta caught a glimpse of Present Mic rolling his eyes as he walked back over to Midnight. More importantly, he also heard him mutter, “Bet he won’t even turn back into Dabi. The quirk’ll wear off and he’ll just be a second Shouta.” Based off of how they tensed up, so did Shouto and Iida, an awkward tension falling over the group and stilling everyone in its wake.

He understood the concern. It probably wasn’t something Present Mic meant for anyone to overhear besides maybe Midnight - the result of a hero with a voice quirk accidentally speaking a little too loudly - and had the potential to upset him. Ryouta himself was surprised to find that he wasn’t. Maybe it left him feeling a little awkward, especially since the others were looking at him askance, but the muttered jab didn’t bother him. It’d be nice if he didn’t turn back to Dabi, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath. Like everyone else, all he could do was hope he would be different when the quirk did wear off with these new and better experiences in his head.

It would be nice if he were a little better at hoping.

With everyone uncomfortably waiting for someone to break the silence, Ryouta took the opportunity to change the subject. The least he could do was put them out of their misery. Honestly, everyone acting like they were stepping on eggshells around him got a bit tiresome. “We should probably get going soon.” It was as much of a valid point as it was a distraction. The sun had already begun to set. He glanced down at the dumpster.

“I think we can afford ten more minutes,” Midnight said.

After making himself meet the hero’s eyes to give her an appreciative look, Ryouta started to sift through the dumpster. As he searched, it occurred to him that, for all of his apprehensiveness, nothing had gone wrong today. Everything had worked out alright. By the standards of people who’d had normal childhoods and to whom socialization wasn’t such a massive task, it might even be considered uneventful. It was…nice. He had enjoyed it.

It was nice to have an uneventful day for once.

*

She shook off her disguise like a long-forgotten memory. Golden eyes gleamed with excitement over what she had learned from her little outing. Even though it wasn’t what or who they were looking for, it was still exciting. Or rather, it was exciting once she got past her initial disappointment.

The odds that Dabi would actually be in the mall she had decided to search were admittedly low. She had only gone because it was better than doing nothing and, until they found a solid lead, all they could do was keep looking and hope something popped up. Her hopes hadn’t even been that especially high after days with no luck.

However, when she caught a glimpse of a black leather jacket and corresponding dark attire out of the corner of her eye, her heart leapt into her throat. For a moment, she thought she had found him. It was enough that, even after she moved to get a closer look, for a few heartbeats, she could have sworn that his face was achingly familiar. If she imagined some scars and allowed her mind to wander away from reality...but no. That boy - with his red hair, unblemished skin, wrong age, and different group of friends - couldn’t have been Dabi.

Toga did think he was cute though. Cute and important. After all, it wasn’t every day a new face suddenly manifested amongst class 1-A. That alone was enough to make it worth lingering for a little while longer. At first, she had thought he was just a cute, dark boy with befittingly bloody hair who happened to be friends with one of students, but no, no, no. The way he behaved with the rest of the little heroes, the way they danced and changed and reached out to meet his presence said that, while new and uncomfortable, he was one of them. And a very special one of them, if the complaints of the loud electric boy were anything to go by.

There was a genuine spring in Toga’s step as she headed for the change of clothes she had stored in the alley behind a run-down gas station that was wedged in front of a questionable supermarket and behind a thrift shop. She may not have found Dabi, but she had found someone of interest, not only for herself, but for the League as a whole. Tomura was bound to be interested in the new boy. Perhaps it would even help him calm down a bit, or at least give him something else to think about. The entire League had been tense and stressed since they had realized Dabi was missing. It wasn’t that she wanted them to give up on finding him and write him off as lost - not by any means - but it would be better to keep themselves occupied than dwell on…

Again. If they didn’t find him, that would mean it was happening again. They had lost people during the attack on the training camp and the following raid, but Toga didn’t know them well or care for them. Shigaraki’s Sensei though, that was a hard blow, because while he didn’t mean anything to her, his loss hurt her leader so keenly she could almost taste it. It wasn’t a good taste. Magne - that one had hurt her directly. Her friend dead because she had tried to touch some miserable, stuck-up demon of a man. Tomura’s pain hadn’t tasted good, but Overhaul’s misery, the flavor of vengeance, was absolutely wonderful. It hadn’t brought Magne back though. It had been great, but it didn’t truly fix it. Kurogiri’s arrest was a horrible mixture of both. It had to weigh on Shigaraki, even if he was trying to act strong, and there was no one who she could take vengeance on yet. And now Dabi…

Dabi, who was distant and mysterious but had been there from the beginning, was suddenly gone and they had no idea what had happened. Had whoever had taken him painted him wonderfully red? Red wasn’t his color. He wasn’t someone she loved like that - wasn’t someone she wanted to make bleed - wasn’t someone she wanted to hurt. Wasn’t someone she wanted to - no - they shouldn’t have to lose anyone anymore. When she found them, she would have to return to favor, dye them in shades of red that had nothing to do with blood, make them scream and plead like Overhaul hadn’t in the hope it would taste that much sweeter.

She would. She would. She would. And if it was too late, if they couldn’t find him, if they never knew, then she... she…

She shouldn’t be thinking about this. The “if”s would only bring her down and Spinner had told her she acted “weird” when she was angry and vengeful the other day. Toga thought that was a little hypocritical coming from someone who was weird a lot of the time, but sometimes she thought she caught Shigaraki or Twice sending a worried look her way or that Twice might be trying to calm her down like she had for him once, so she supposed it may have some merit. It felt better to cling to something happy than let herself be swept away by darker feelings anyway.

Although her steps had faltered as her mind threatened to veer toward darker places, she managed to shake it off. By the time she reached the hideout, she had returned to her full, bubbly self. She swung the door open and called out a greeting, heedless of the night that had set in. Tomura wouldn’t be asleep anyway. She wished he would. “I’m baaaack! And I found something interesting!”

As expected, the rusty voice of Shigaraki Tomura rose up to greet her. “Is it important?”

Toga’s smile was unwavering, although it felt like the reminder of exactly what “important” meant right now should make her eyes shine a little less bright. “It’s not related to Dabi,” she said as she pranced out of the entryway and toward the voice, “but it does have to do with Class 1-A.” Fearlessly, she took a seat on the couch beside her bedraggled leader. It was hard to tell with the hand on his face, but sitting there, with pictures of the outside and inside of a warehouse spread out on a table in front of him, she thought he looked more tired than usual. Older, when if she had to guess, she would pin him closer to herself and the hero students than Compress or their teachers in age. The only other person in the room was Mr. Compress, who, despite his mask, she was sure was eyeing him just as closely.

Shigaraki heaved a frustrated snarl of a sigh. “There’s nothing here. All the footage after he started fires was destroyed or…” Stolen. By the heroes. He raised a hand to scratch restlessly at his neck before turning his obscured gaze to Toga.

That was all the cue she needed to start talking. “There’s a new student! He’s definitely with them, but I didn’t hear anything about anyone being replaced. And” - she raised a finger to pause Shigaraki when she saw that he was about to interrupt - “he’s a Todoroki.”

The quiet before Shigaraki spoke was exciting. She could see the interest spark in his red eyes. That made it that much more disappointing when it faltered and faded a second before he said, “We can look into it after we find Dabi.” It seemed that distractions, no matter how promising, were doomed to be tossed aside. Toga couldn’t help but think he was going to wear himself thin at this rate. That, as much as her dismissal, made her shoulders sagged and a faint, disappointed sigh passed her lips.

“You did good finding this!” Compress piped up. “We just have to prioritize right now.”

“Right,” Shigaraki confirmed. “Besides, I need the two of you for a stealth mission. If you get the loot, it could have a much better payoff than stalking the hero wannabes.”

Toga perked up at that. Although there was a graveness to his voice, she saw Tomura’s lips twitch into small smile.”We’ve narrowed the timeframe for Dabi’s disappearance down to his raid on the quirk supplies warehouse. And we know that the heroes didn’t drag him away. So…”

His pause felt like it was purely for dramatic effect. She appreciated it.

“I want you to get me information on everyone who works in the warehouse.”

@mistystarshine notes: We have reached chapter twenty of KiR. The song is 'Thrift Shop' by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Sometimes, that's how the Crack treated Seriously cookie crumbles. But seriously, thank you so much for all the continued support! It means the world.

For this chapter specifically, I will note that it was a lot of fun writing Toga! I tossed aside a lot if the care I usually take to better convey her mental state and I think it paid off. Also... I hope nearly 20k of fluff (+ Toga) makes up for next chapter, which will, hopefully, demolish you. It won't be the League doing the demolishing! That plot won't move that quickly. But it will be... Explosive.

[ayearofpike]

The 2010s reprints, all at once

So if Simon & Schuster is going back to the well for Pike’s vampire books, what’s stopping them from bringing back other stories from their one-time best-selling young adult author? Form factor, perhaps. It’s the twenty-first century now, and no self-respecting teen would be caught dead reading a pocket-sized paperback. We need something big and beefy to show that we’re Serious About Literature even as we read about murderous insane girls. Fortunately, he’s written more than a couple continuations that will link together into a handy packaged bind-up. But a lot of these books were originally written twenty years ago or more, when the absence of technology and communications wasn’t something that needed to be addressed to explain why these bastards weren’t better informed. Indeed, new audiences (the ones we in education call “digital natives”) might not even understand the characters’ rationales for action without being able to step back in time and forget what they take for granted.

Is it worth rereading these new editions? How different are they from the originals? Lucky for you, I’ve decided to find out.

Remember Me

Compiles Remember Me, The Return, and The Last Story Simon Pulse, 2010 789 pages ISBN 978-1-4424-0596-7 LOC: PZ7.P626 Re 2010 OCLC: 646299604 Released July 6, 2010 (per B&N)

Since this was the magical bestseller that made Pike who he was in the first place, it shouldn’t be too surprising that not much is changed or updated in this edition. Still, the very nature of the YA market having morphed into the vehicle that allows these stories to be reprinted throws a pretty massive wrinkle (like, even worse than the fact she’s publishing under her white name) into Shari’s expectation that her mom will never read Remember Me. Come on, dude — I guarantee she already read about the vampires. 

The only changes I found through all three stories were giving Lenny the Latino gangbanger a CD player rather than a cassette (because 2010), saving the final story on a jump drive rather than a floppy disk (again, 2010), and swapping Shari’s green pants for blue jeans (I guess to match the outfit Jean is wearing when she falls off the balcony?). One thing that hasn’t changed: Third Book Whitewashin’ Shari is still an asshole. You’re lucky I’m so determined to be thorough, otherwise I would have never reread this shit.

To Die For

Compiles Slumber Party and Weekend Point, 2010 408 pages ISBN 978-0-545-26432-1 LOC: not listed OCLC: 679759450 Released September 1, 2010 (per B&N)

Little weirdness here, as this is a Scholastic joint rather than Simon & Schuster, but the covers are all coordinated, down to the typeface. Not sure whether the two houses worked together to try to sell their books (at Pike’s agent’s suggestion?) or whether Point saw an opportunity to mine some back catalog and tried to copy the existing presentation as close as possible.

The oldest viable stories (read: not Cheerleaders) must have some major rewrites pending for a modern audience, you’d think, but it’s not that drastic. The main complication would be these kids being able to reach someone outside the immediate group and report problems, so Pike quickly writes around that with a single line in each story establishing the locale as beyond cell service. They also both turn emergency CB radios into walkie-talkies, which isn’t even close to the same thing. It’s a little hinky at times, especially in accepting that Lara Johnson has packed an alarm clock instead of a phone, but it does the job.

Most of the rest of the changes hinge on contemporary references. Slumber Party loses its Richard-Pryor-lighting-himself-aflame-while-freebasing joke, but keeps the kids watching Dr. Zhivago at the first fateful party. Weekend has to adjust a lot more — party music is no longer on record, David Bowie becomes Bono (replacing a ten-year-old reference in 1985 with a ten-year-old reference in 2010), Angie’s Datsun is now a Camry, and song leaders are finally just cheerleaders. At times, he’s just wiped out a reference altogether: gone are Pat Benatar, Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw, Fonzie, Michael Jackson, and most tragically the Carpenters, which undoes a joke at Sol’s expense and removes any understandable sense from the passage they once were in. Oh well. At least he spelled “gringo” correctly in this edition.

Until the End

Compiles the Final Friends trilogy (The Party, The Dance, and The Graduation) Simon Pulse, 2011 846 pages ISBN 978-1-4424-2252-0 LOC: PZ7.P626 Unt 2011 OCLC: 693810612 Released August 30, 2011 (per B&N)

I’ll be honest: I’m not sure what this compilation is doing here. Did anybody clamor at the bit for Final Friends even back in the day? I mean, there must have been some demand to let our boy write a trilogy, but even as a teenager I saw the problems embedded in this tale. Simple time-shifting adjustments weren’t gonna fix those. And this is the beefiest book of the lot, maybe to appeal to young readers who like the huge format and want to show off how much they can read. (I had it in the waiting room of my kid’s doctor this week and another dad said it was the biggest book he’d ever seen.) It’s a lot to plow through for the sake of completeness. Still, we’re committed, right?

I got like 200 pages in and did not see a single change — not even in the computer lab where Bubba is “hacking” into the district grade data bank — which made me worried I was going to just be rereading the same stories over again. And 650 pages later, GUESS WHAT. Literally the only difference is that Jessica, in bemoaning her travails with Bill, says she was “trying to seduce a gay guy” instead of merely “a gay.” Like, even the part about it taking all day to transfer 40 megabytes via modem and filling up a school computer’s hard drive is still there. This was NOT done for new fans. But reading it so fast and soon and smushed together did help me realize that The Rock does indeed have a given name. (I’ll save you the research time: Theodore Gordon.)

Bound to You

Compiles Spellbound and See You Later Simon Pulse, 2012 490 pages ISBN 978-1-4424-5971-7 LOC: PZ7.P626 Bo 2012 OCLC: 777602521 Released August 7, 2012 (per B&N)

Maybe this is the only bind-up where the two stories could have been anything. (The Point book: those were his only two under Scholastic, so it makes sense.) There’s a back catalog of literally two dozen books not otherwise committed that they could compile. So why these two together? OK, sure, we’re four years away from the phrase “sexy lizard teens” entering the lexicon, but for sure Scavenger Hunt is better paired with Spellbound than a story about nuclear war survivors time traveling out of regret. See You Later seems like a really obtuse deep cut to me, but if he was committed to it why not pair it with The Midnight Club, which is similarly about love lost to inevitable death? I don’t really see the connection, and am too lazy to do any rationale research. But I’m not actually mad at the books — they’ve shown as two of my favorites in this reread. 

Spellbound, being the oldest of the S&S catalog, does need a little reworking, particularly in the racist elements of an African shaman going to a podunk Old West high school. Pike didn’t take them all out, of course, because we have to know what a dick the boyfriend is by his connection of the dude to savage cavemen. However, the lack of cell phones is very glaring in the bits where they’re trying to find the brother/potential murder victim, and Cindy has to sit around the hospital waiting to be paged. In 2012 it’s inconceivable that high school kids wouldn’t have SOMETHING. You tried to reach the brother at his house, at his friend’s, at his girlfriend’s ... did you call him directly? Such a simple fix: “He’s not answering his cell.” It probably would have made the unease even stronger.

See You Later, hinging as it does on the main character understanding a video game, has its own needs for updating, and does it better than the Final Friends remake. Still, it’s a little slapdash. Becky works in an electronics store instead of a record store, but do these places even sell physical media computer games anymore? Even six years ago that shit was all download-only. And Ray STILL works in a bookstore ... do those still exist? Mervyn’s definitely doesn’t; they went bankrupt in 2008. As for the game itself, it requires 12 gigs of RAM rather than the paltry megabyte, which is what my newish machine runs six years later. (At the time I had ... two gigs?) Also, in the original Mark asked who won the 2010 World Series, which isn’t the future anymore in 2012 ... but it’s weird that he’s now asking about 2020, just eight years off rather than twenty. Most unsettling, though, is how the tenor of international violence rhetoric still rings true for the setting of this story, even though we’re not worried about Communists anymore. The Cold War is long over, but we’ve swung through tolerance and hope and are right back on fear.

Chain Letter

Compiles Chain Letter and The Ancient Evil Simon Pulse, 2013 456 pages ISBN 978-1-4424-7215-0 LOC: PZ7.P626 Ch 2013 OCLC: 852941511 Released July 23, 2013 (per B&N)

Chain Letter was also not originally published by S&S, so it’s interesting that they’ve gotten the rights to print it in this volume. (Though they were compiled in the UK in 1994, so maybe it wasn’t too hard.) By now, though, it feels like they’re reaching, as the teen fiction world shifts yet again to futuristic dystopias and Pike doesn’t really have anything like that. Thirst was on its way out too; the fifth book appeared just before this, and we’ll note that even though Pike didn’t finish the story the sixth has yet to emerge. Curse you, unpredictable teen girls!

Not too much is different from the original editions here. Obviously Pike was throwing in his timely references that had to be cut for understandability (Nastassja Kinski?), but by Chain Letter 2 he’d learned to rein that in. Also, there’s a moment in the first one where Alison yells “Hate you!” at the attacking Caretaker, which always struck me as awkward. This version changes it to “Screw you!” which makes me think Pike originally wrote it as “Fuck you!” and had to bowdlerize for YA. Of course they have to throw some shade at snail mail, too, since that’s how the letters arrive in the first place. 

But the main differences are cassette recorders and phones. Obviously the kids aren’t going to tote around a whole bunch of old-school tools when we are now six years into the smartphone era. There’s some nice cleaning up in The Ancient Evil, writing around the idea that people need to (or even CAN) look numbers up in the phone book, but in lots of cases it just makes things awkward. Like, why is Joan going after the driving controls to turn the incriminating recording off if it’s on Kipp’s phone in the backseat? Why do Alison and Brenda have to sit around the kitchen waiting for a return call? Why is Kipp waiting until he gets home to check his voicemail? Did he seriously leave his phone in his room while he ran to the store and left a seven-year-old sister alone at the house? It just makes less and less sense.

You might have seen somewhere online a mention of another compilation, collecting Last Act and Master of Murder. This book does not actually exist. The ISBN and OCLC numbers associated with the title both lead to a British printing of the second half of Final Friends, by Hodder Publishing. I emailed the house just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, and they responded that they’ve never printed these two stories together. There’s no record of it anywhere else, certainly not on Simon & Schuster’s Pike page, and reviews I’ve found where people have attempted to buy this collection attest to the fact that they’ve actually received a copy of Final Friends Part 2 But Not Book 2 Even Though the Second Half of Book 2 Is In It.

There also used to be another one named on Wikipedia called Time of Death, which was supposed to compile Bury Me Deep and Chain Letter, but why the hell would they do that when Chain Letter has its own sequel already? There’s not any verifiable record of such a book anywhere online, not even a flawed cross-listing like the first. 

So fuhgeddaboudit. I’m done reading compilations.

[wetookanoath]

ooh what are your headcanons for the coco au?? 👀

Well, right now I have…

TW: Racism, implied homophobia and transphobia, sexism, way too many languages in one tiny family, necessary Major Character(s) Death(s), this is not a fanfic but a way too elavorated AU lol, Trans Male Character, trans pregnancy.

S/O to @faequill and @impossiblevvings for educating my ass by sharing his experiences as a trans parents. And also S/O to @from-one-fandom-to-the-other for making THIS and THIS wonderful art and talking about this AU with me. And also S/O to this anon for asking.

Set in the 30s, I’m thinking in maybe Baja California or Guadalajara. During this time, Mexico is still getting together after the Mexican Revolution left tons of deads and shattered states. In this time, the Golden Age of cinema flourishes and singers like Pedro Infante and Jorge Negrete become famous. Enter the music theme of the story.

That said, Mexico has a long history of having good relations with european countries such as Germany, Ireland, Austria and Poland. During the Colony, tons of people came to Latinamerica because there was work, commerce and land (I mean, stolen land– you know how that goes), so entire families would come with the hopes of a better life. 

During this time, chinese people build a China Town in what will be Mexico City later (still stands and is a wonderful place), japanese people will came in their own commercial ships to either work or be with their families, since samurai getting jobs as big names spaniard’s bodyguards, and soon other business people came with their families.

I’m saying all this to then say that,

Ryan’s family has always had it bad because they are mixed. His father’s grandpa decided to move to a small community where most people is mixed near the principal city of their state, yet not so close. This is so they can all live in peace.

Ryan’s grandfather gets out the country, builds a life in the States where he meets Ryan’s grandma, an also mexican woman who went to live in the States. Years later, Steve, Ryan’s dad, meets Linda, daughter of immigrants too, and they build their own family.

When Ryan is a teenager, his parents understand he is trans and caliming economic problems, Steve decides to take his family back to the family’s ranch in Mexico, where they can protect their kid, so no one knows he is trans and they know him only as Ryan. They grow up learning from all their cultures and speaking very accented english and spanish. Ryan and Jake also talk a broken japanese their mom is always cheering. They cook strange stuff that convines all three cultures and people think they are weird, but it works.

To their little town comes a group of immigrants from Poland, men are there to work in the energy plant near the Bergara’s ranch.

Ryan and Jake met Shane then, he’s older than them and Ryan gets irritated at his funny spanish, but finds himself talking to him daily until Shane starts to work, too.

So, every day, Shane and his brother walk in front of the Bergara ranch and he can always see Ryan at the window with a guitar or just asleep. He always waves at him and soon, Ryan finds himself waiting for the boy to pass by his window.

There’s a lot of Ryan insulting Shane in either spanish or japanese, to what Shane always answers with polish and both look at each other like ¬¬

They fall in love eventually.

Both families get along well, it’s then when Linda and Sherry start to notice something between their kids. It’s unspoken and like a known secret, and only once did they tried to talk about it but, like it happens so often in remote places of Mexico, no one said a word.

Ryan’s family is well known, names move sea, dirt and sky in Mexican societies, and so life goes on– of course, leaving the santity of their small town means dead and treats, and so none go.

Scott and Jake both leave eventually, it is known then that Ryan will take the ranch. When he’s already an adult, Shane and his mom move to the ranch after his father dies and Scott leaves.

Later in life, Scott gets married in the ranch, and they are all such a funny and curious mix of a family.

They have a few happy years where Ryan and Shane are together, dream of music and suddenly, something changes.

When Ryan realizes he’s pregnant, he’s worried shit will go down. Shane is actually pretty happy and excited, and after the initial shock, both feel good about it. With his mother’s support, he is able to tell his father, and to his freakin’ surprise, he’s happy. 

Ryan has to stay in the ranch to protect himself and the baby, seeing the struggle, fear starts flourishing in Shane and instead of saying something, he keeps it all in him. He needs an actual job, not just his music delucions, and he needs to do better and make sure nothing ever happens to Ryan and their baby.

They have a girl, they name her Alejandra, and she grews up listening to her parents sing together and even with economic struggles, they were happy.

Then Shane leaves.

When Alejandra was little, Shane met bitch ass Ernesto who used to listen to him at the local bar where he sang with Ryan and other pals they had. Shane originally didn’t want to become a singer, but he wanted to keep writing songs, Ernesto made him believe they could be both singers.

Note: Mexico has a big time problem with colorism and favoritism of whites™, but when it comes to music and so, especially at that time, the mexican public wanted to the men who sang to be the stereotype of a Strong Mexican Man™, like Jorge Negrete and Pedro Infante (this doesn’t mean they weren’t talented and amazing at their art, because they sure as hell were). A man like Shane would had never find fame and acceptance at that time, so this bitch ass Ernesto fooled him deeply.

Ryan doesn’t like Ernesto one bit, and feels him fake as shit with his “support” of their family when Shane is idiot enough to tell him the truth. This causes their first big fight, since Ryan didn’t want a man like this bitch to know about him and that Ale is their biological daughter.

Fights start to become terrible, and finally Shane tells Ryan he wants to try this and if it doesn’t work, he’s coming back right away. If in six months he hasn’t done shit, he is coming back. 

Ultimately, Ryan believes in Shane’s talent and lets him go. At first, they write to each other constantly and Ryan always reads part of Shane’s laters to Ale.

Eventually, the letters stop and a year later, Ernesto is in everyone’s TV and Ryan tries his best to find out what happened to Shane. When he finds out he was murdered, Ernesto tells him some story about being mugged and what not, and in his pain he believes it.

In the back of his head, there’s always the tiny voice that says this is not true, but the pain and his pride are stronger, and so he decides to keep going.

He makes the ranch prosper with his bare hands and the whole family helps, as years goes by, they can mantain themselves with the ranch’s production of meat and leather.

Note: totally not based on my own ranch, lol.

Ryan dies later in life, having his daughter carry his name when he decided to change her name to take away Shane’s (because we mexicans are petty and this was super common. Your husband left you? Change your kids’ name to yours– my name should be Rivera, guys, but my great grandma said fuck you to his father, and changed her name to León -her mom’s name- and here we are…) and the ranch.

~ The After Life ~

Shane is there before anyone else. He could be send to his polish family, he could find the other Bergaras, but he is not sure of what to do. His situation as someone his family has decided to forget mantains him in the streets with the ones without a family, which is bullshit because he knows his family must be somwhere.

His first years, he forgets about the Día de los Muertos tradition, among other traditions, and is only worried to find a way to know if Ryan and Ale are okay, and soon he’s hit with a newspaper from a maxican lady that has hear his story of having his family in Mexico, she reminds him of the bridge that opens on November 2.

That’s when he starts trying and when he’s told his family doesn’t put a picture of him, that breaks his heart and spirit more than he cares to admit. He gives up after.

Years later, re-animated by the fact that he needs to let Ale know he loves her more than anything in the world, he keeps trying. This is when he recognizes Ryan for the first time.

He is an emotional mess, trying to reach him and when he sees he is with their entire family, he is a rying mess. But then, Ryan looks at him and there’s complete silence– it’s unspoken that Ryan is kind of the family’s head, so the others wave at him but don’t do much when Ryan finallly turns around to cross the bridge without saying a word to Shane.

His heart is shattered to not repair that night and on.

Shane concentrates then into getting to the Human World to see Ale. His parents and other family members would talk to him from time to time, and at least he gets to know his daughter grow well, but also gets to know Ryan had it bad for a while and will take him time to accept him back.

He tries to tell Ryan about Ernesto more than once. He courts him, and sings, and does all he can until Ryan is tired of him and finally tells him he doesn’t want excuses, he doesn’t want to see him and he should go right now.

Shane is not sure anymore if there’s more heart to break, but it hurts all the same.

Ryan, when in the After Life, woke to his family and only accepted to himself to be disappointed of not seeing Shane there. He finds out later about his situation, and for a while decided to not search. It’s better this way.

When he hears Ernesto has died and it’s there among them, he tries to find Shane, and maybe clear things once and for all. But he finally drops the idea and lets it go.

His no-life goes on, and when he sees Shane for the first time before the bridge, all he wants is to slap the idiot and kiss him, but his pride is stronger and so he turns around and leaves.

He cried all the way to the Human World.

When he realized their great-great grandson was a lot like Shane, a lot like both of them, he couldn’t help but smile.

After Ryan finds out the truth, Shane’s picture is put on the Altar of their family and he goes to no-live with them in the Land of the Death, they have a long talk about their lives and cry together for having found their way to each other again, no matter what.

Both feel guilty for a while, though. Shane for leaving and never finding a way to let Ryan know what happened. And Ryan for closing himself and not believing in Shane’s love for him and Ale, and for their family forgetting him for such a long time.

Eventually, they can heal together. They have all the time in the world now.

At some point, Ryan looks up at Shane with a smirk and goes, “See? Ghosts are real” and Shane wants to die again.

When Ale dies and she reuinites with her parents, there’s a crying fest. 

It hurts Shane that he didn’t get to see his Alejandrita grow up, and that she thought for a long time that he decided to leave them and was selfish enough to never look back to his family.

But seeing Ale’s happiness to see him again and all the love of his family, helps him slowly heal. Now they can all be together.

Shane’s first Día de los Muertos is so funny to everyone, because he doesn’t know what to do and still gets all ?? with some tradition, but he enjoys it all the same.

Life goes on in the Human World, their great-great grandson grows up, he gets married and has his own children than still put their picture in their Altar, and like that, things are okay.

[zeta-is-writing]

Original Fic Fest - Day 1: Character Day

Day 1 of @originalficfest and I'm already late to the party... welp. At least I decided to post the first chapter of my WIP. It's meant to introduce the protagonist Yrelia to the reader, so I think it fits the topic rather well.

I haven't had time to proof-read it yet, and also this still is some kind of a draft. Sorry for all the errors in there.

But still: Have fun reading!

Also feel free to leave comments either here or on my site. I really appreciate them!

With a sad expression on her face, she watched her brother in his comatose sleep.

His state hadn’t changed, ever since she was gone. But since she had returned to this place, he hadn’t even dared to enter his room yet. As if she was worried to worsen his condition, if she did. Instead, she had only opened the door to his room a bit, while still standing in the hallway.

After a while she nodded and calmly closed the door.

“Don’t worry...”, she whispered. “I know I can help you.”

She turned around and walked down the empty hallway. Before she was gone, it used to be so lively here. Her family used to have many servants, who hurried from room to room, cleaning, preparing food, doing laundry and taking care of all kinds of chores everyday. But in just these few weeks, things had changed. It made her feel lonely like this. Even Sanna was gone, so it seemed. Ever since she returned, she hadn’t seen her friend.

With bare feet she went down the stairs to the ground floor. She didn’t like wearing shoes, she never did. Her mother was always complaining, she’d get her feet dirty and her father only mentioned, she was a noble and should behave like one. There was only a single reason to walk around bare-footed and that was, if you couldn’t afford them, if you were a peasant.

Whenever she was caught up in another argument with her father, she started wearing shoes again.

The floor beneath her feet was cold. Her family was even saving on the heat.

Or maybe there was just no one anymore, who could take care of the heater.

With slow and careful steps she approached the door to the saloon. His father was usually meeting guests there, but in the evening, he was often sitting there, reading, drinking or smoking, in company of his wife.

But once she stood in front of to knock on the dark, thick wood, she was hesitating and clenched the book in her arms, pressing it closer to her frail and weak body. A couple of minutes passed, until she finally found the courage to knock and wait for her father to reply.

“Yes.”

Slowly she pulled down the handle and the door in front of her opened.

The saloon was dark and warm. On the other side of the room was a fireplace with two huge armchairs in front and a small table in between them. Since they were turned in the direction of the fire, she couldn’t see the faces of the people sitting inside these chairs.

Slowly she stepped inside and closed the door, so the heat wouldn’t leave the room. Then she hesitated again and remained silent.

Her father only gave her a quick gaze, as he leaned to the side and looked at the person, who had just entered the room. Then his attention returned to the book on his lap.“What is it, Yrelia?”

It felt as if it had used up all her courage just to knock at the door. He knew, why she was here. His question was mere order for her to talk. And Yrelia had already tried to reject his words, yet nothing she could think of was able to convince him.

Suddenly it felt so much easier again to just turn around and leave. But then again, nothing would ever change.

“I...”, she began, immediately lowering her gaze. “I don’t… want to be married.”

Her father was silent for moment. She could hear the sound of him turning over the pages.

“Rivaille is fine, young man”, he replied. “And his family is rich. You’ll quickly find a liking to him, if you’d just open up a little.”

“I can’t just… marry a man I’ve never met in my life”, Yrelia said. Her father took a deep breath and after a while, he closed the book and put it on the small, empty table to his right.

“I’m afraid, you’ll have to get used to it”, he said and crossed his legs, folding his hands. “I told you before, that being a noble’s daughter comes with certain obligations. I’m the one to choose your future husband and when you’ll marry him. You should be grateful, that he’s in your age.”

A cage.

Her whole life had Yrelia dreamed to be free, fly across the blue sky on her own, without being held down by obligations or her status. Sometimes she looked at the citizens on the street and felt envious, that they were able to go after their daily lives they had chosen for themselves. While she was kept in a cage, she wasn’t able to escape from for so long.

And now, even the smallest gap, even smallest chance to escape began to shut close in front of her eyes.

She couldn’t let this happen. She didn’t want this to happen. She wanted to be free.

“The tailor will come over tomorrow and take the measures for your dress and in the evening Monsieur Gustéau and his family will dine with us. Please show your best behavior, I don’t want you to embarrass us.”

“I-I will embarrass you”, Yrelia said and stepped forward. “If you force this on me, I’ll do anything to -”

“I hope I have misheard you just now”, her father cut her short in a strict tone. “I demand for you to show your best behavior. If you mess this up for us, the downfall of the Maurenio family will be your fault. Don’t be childish, Yrelia. Your own wishes and desires have be neglected for now.”

Yrelia became quiet again. She pressed the book in arms closer to her body. That was the only way she could think of. The only way out. The last chance to escape.

“If my… if my brother were to wake up again...”, Yrelia said in hesitant tone. “I wouldn’t need to be married, right?”

Her father seemed to be thinking for a moment, as he put his chin on his palm.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Well, if, if you… wouldn’t have to spend any more money on his treatment, you wouldn��t need the money anymore.”

Her father began to chuckle. “And what do you propose? What can you do, that a docent mages and priests weren’t able to do?”

“I… I can...” Yrelia hesitated again and averted her gaze. “I can… sing.”

Now her father stood up and turned around to her. “I’ve had enough of your jokes. Return to your room.” “It’s true, I can help him!”, Yrelia suddenly insisted, confronted with greater resistance. “I can heal him, when I sing! I swear!”

“What a bunch of nonsense. What are you, a magician?”, her father spouted at her. “Have you studied at the Academy, while you ran away?”

From the other armchair a hand grabbed his sleeve.

“Wolfgang, please be quiet. Raphael is asleep”, a female voice whispered. Yrelia’s father looked at his wife for a moment. On her lap sat a boy, snuggled in his mother’s arms and being half-asleep.

“Go back to your room, Yrelia”, her father now said in a calmer tone than before and turned around.

“Please let me proof it!”, Yrelia begged. “Just one chance. Give me one chance to prove to you, that I can be more than just a noble’s daughter.”

Wolgang’s hand went over his face and he sighed, before he turned around again and walked around the armchairs in Yrelia’s direction.

“Very well”, he said and passed by her, approaching the door with fast steps. “Then show to me your ‘magic’, if you will.”

So they left the room together and returned upstairs. Wolfgang went up ahead, while Yrelia followed him with the book still in her arms. Once more she passed through the empty corridors, until she ended up at her brother’s room again. Without hesitation her father opened the door and stepped inside, while Yrelia remained outside, opened the book in her arms and began to turn over the pages, as she looked for something in a hurry. Her father waited inside, watching what she was doing in impatience.

Yrelia became nervous, as she skipped through the pages, until she finally found it: A song. While this was in every way just a regular song book, beneath the notes, where there was supposed to be the song’s text, there were just a wide variety of shapes and simple figures lined up, that didn’t appear to make any sense in particular. At the top of the page, the song’s title could be read.

The Night’s End.

Yrelia went over the lines quickly to recall the song’s rhythm and melody, until she nodded and entered the room. Her father stepped aside, his arms crossed, as Yrelia approached her brother’s bed. She remained silent for a moment, until she spoke.

“Ryan”, she said and put down the book on his bed. “I’m going to help you now.”

For a last time she went over the song’s notes. She had sung this song before, all she had to do now, was to do it again. To create its effect and let the melody turn into reality. And with a soft and gentle voice the first tones left her lips, as she began to sing the song.

Yrelia had closed her eyes. She listened to her own voice and the melody in her head, as she made the feelings the composer put into the song’s notes her own. This had always been the way she had sung, ever since she was a little child. Songs were more to her, than just a melody and words. They were feelings, that were given a place in the world. In reality. And these song’s were given a place in the world, so they could change it.

But even so, the words that Yrelia sang to the song’s own melody were her own. Even she couldn’t read the letters, so she made up her own.

Darkness leaves again Twilight fades in morning’s eyes And as I raise my gaze I see night’s end arrive.

But she felt the feelings of the song. It was song, full of hope and the promise, that darkness will be followed by light. Even the longest night will eventually end and new day will begin. But it wasn’t just about hope, it was also about a new begin. To start over, from zero.

And as Yrelia sang, she was hoping, that these feelings, her own feelings, reached her brother and became reality. So that she could bring him back and save her own freedom.

But she quickly came to the realization, that something was off.

The song seemed to disappear in the room. Like a voice in a silent room, without a response, and she was merely talking to herself and wasn’t listening. The words she sang began to become twisted and lost their meaning. The feeling vanished, her heart became empty. And as the first strophe ended and she opened her eyes again, nothing had changed.

Even the itching pain in her left eye was missing.

Yrelia paused for second, before she repeated the strophe. Again and again, she sang the same lines. And as time passed, they became more and more blurred, leaving nothing behinds but sounds with no meaning. No feeling. She began to miss the right notes. Her song became twisted and turned into something different. The melody couln’t be recognized anymore. And Yrelia noticed it and tried to make it right again. But it was no use.

Tears were already dwelling up in her eyes and made it impossible for her to sing. Her legs gave up and she fell forward. Her book fell to the ground, as her face fell into the beds sheets and she started sobbing.

Her father watched her for a few more moments until he finally turned around.

“I wasn’t expecting you to change anything”, he said with a stern expression and left the room.

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 4 Review – Chapter 80: Purgatorio

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Riverdale reinvents itself as the fifth season properly gets underway.

This RIVERDALE review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 4

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“To be honest, it doesn’t even feel like Riverdale anymore.”

You can say that again Archie.

Following three episodes originally intended for last year and a seven-year time jump, Riverdale‘s fifth season gets well and truly underway with an installment designed not so much with shaking up the status quo but reinventing it completely. To borrow the name of a Flaming Lips song — you just know NYC writer’s block-stricken Jughead listens to lots of the band’s output — suddenly everything has changed.

In the near decade since he was last home, Archie has been through hell fighting in an unnamed conflict in which he feels responsible for one of his fellow soldiers losing a leg. He has dreams that mix battle imagery with the formally idyllic existence he had in high school. (At least that’s what I think we’re supposed to feel here, even though Archie’s teen years were fraught with bear attacks and attempted murders aplenty but I digress). The point being that Archie sees Riverdale, despite its obvious flaws, as a safe haven. Always one to embrace a cliche though, he quickly learns that you can’t go home again. Riverdale is now just as dangerous as his overseas battle. It wasn’t a nightmare he had, it was a premonition.

Ordered to run Riverdale High School’s ROTC program, Archie comes home is quickly brought up to speed by Toni — pregnant and running the reborn White Wyrm out of the former space of La Bonne Nuit. Lawlessness prevails throughout town, leaving Riverdale largely empty with the exception of those who are too poor or proud to try to restart elsewhere. The city is without hope. Mayhem reigns. Is Archie Batman now? God I hope so.

Responsible for the community’s downfall is, you guessed it, Hiram Lodge. Without the influence of Hermione or Veronica to keep his worst instincts in check, Hiram has become the villain he has always longed to be. (He’s enlisted Reggie to be his right hand man, making that character the closest to his pain-in-the-ass comic book counterpart to date). Some murky dialogue vaguely explains that Hiram’s wrongdoing is connected to his long-gestating SoDale real estate development, but the specifics don’t matter. What does is that Mr. Lodge is in power like never before, and all of Riverdale is suffering as a result.

Meanwhile at Quantico, FBI trainee Betty is also haunted by her recent past. While pursuing the hilariously named Trash Bag Killer, she didn’t wait for backup — becoming the killer’s captive before he escaped in the process. Her loving partner — let’s call him Molder for now, Mad magazine style — is worried that she isn’t dealing with the trauma of her experience, as is her therapist. But soon she too is called back home to deal with what we think is a crisis but is really just a very sweet thing. More on that in a few minutes.

We catch up with New Yorker Veronica, who is married to real estate tycoon Chadwick Gekko (Chris Mason, portraying a character from Katy Keene that Reid Prebenda originated). Apparently she used to be the “she wolf of Wall Street” until she lost her mojo after being involved in a near-fatal helicopter accident with Chad. Since then, she’s been secretly working in an upscale jewelry store that let’s her take advantage of the smart business acumen she frequently demonstrated during her high school years. But when she sells a Glamorege egg that Chadwick gave to her, it’s clear that their relationship is more than just a little fractured.

Also in the Big Apple is Jughead, and he’s just full on skeezy now. With dubious facial hair and a penchant for sleeping with fans, this version of Jughead is easily the most disturbing new version of one of the series’ core four. We learn that his first book, the S.E. Hinton meets Pop Tate’s Chok’lit Shoppe pastiche The Outcasts was a mega success that made him a fleeting media darling. But now Jughead has severe writer’s block…not to mention debt collectors literally pounding at his door and toxic boyfriend tendencies we see him display briefly. Basically he sucks. If anyone can use a priority realignment it’s him. Fortunately, he too gets a call beckoning him home.

Once the gang is back together in Riverdale, for Pop Tate’s retirement party!, awww, we get an update on Cheryl. She has successfully rebuilt Thornhill and rehabilitated the Blossom family name over the past seven years…with a cost. She still feels cursed by her family’s misdeeds and spurns Toni’s attempts to reconcile and instead chooses to live as a recluse. (I mean, for at least the remainder of this episode).

Finally reunited with all of friends, Archie is determined to enlist their help in saving the soul of Riverdale. Not that any of them seem too happy to join this crusade. But the episode doesn’t dwell on their responses as it is too busy establishing a new mystery — a murderous trucker is on the loose. And our heroes are the only one who can stop him. Obviously.

This episode is a very typical one in that it bombards the viewer with new information. True, it doesn’t feel like Riverdale as we know it, but that’s a good thing. After a previous season that was a bit middling, I am more than supportive of this quasi reboot happening here. The series has been renewed for a sixth season, so it’s likely that it will find it’s new rhythm over the course of the upcoming installments and a new normal will settle in. For now though, there’s a lot of possibility here. Riverdale‘s biggest mystery right now? Where it will go next.

Riverdale Roundup

• Along with Saving Private Ryan, the nightmare that starts this episode is also a reference to the excellent Archie 1941 miniseries — which explored how World War II impacted Riverdale and its characters.

• Since Archie and Betty are now both experiencing PTSD, will their shared trauma bond them together?

• I absolutely believe that each of these characters would return to Riverdale to bid farewell to Pop Tate, given how important his shop has been in each of their lives.

• Let’s hear it for more screen time for Vanessa Morgan’s Toni Topaz! Choni forever! (That baby bump was real by the way, she gave birth to her first child last week).

• Archie reads Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms, in case any of you were worried that the series’ fondness for anachronisms would be lost during the seven year time jump. Also, Archie being able to read is canon!

• Even though Katy Keene is long-cancelled, it’s nice to see that show’s title character (and her employer, Lacy’s) get referenced here.

• As an Archie comics diehard fan, I am incensed that the show has ditched his iconic whoopee hat. Yet I have a feeling by the time this season ends we will witness him throwing it back on in an effort to reclaim the artistic power that his former self possessed.

• Kevin and Fangs are established as still being together, with the former working at Riverdale High. Alice’s current whereabouts are unknown. I hope Vegas has been rehomed.

• In case Betty’s Silence of the Lambs parallels were a tad too understated for your taste, her therapist’s name is Dr. Starling. And if someone doesn’t sing “Goodbye Horses” this season I will be very upset.

• The FBI waited seven years to dismantle the two-person (one of whom wasn’t even a real agent) Riverdale field office? Actually, given government inefficiency, this sounds just about right.

• Veronica and Chadwick’s helicopter accident happened while they were on their way to “Marsha’s Vineyard,” because apparently Riverdale 2.0 now does fake places as well as brands.

• That abandoned doll Archie found in Pickens Park is super creepy.

• Betty’s cat is named Coffee, and given her history as a pet owner, I fear for the feline.

• Towards the end of this episode, new character Tabitha Tate (Erinn Westbrook) bids farewell to drifter Lynette “Squeaky” Fields. Given that Fields’ nickname is a Manson Family reference, could Riverdale have a death cult on its hands?

• Other mysteries raised by this episode: Who is the father of Toni’s baby? How will Veronica feel about La Bonne Nuit becoming a Serpent hangout? How long have Betty and her partner been together? Will Jughead get a razor? Who is the Lonely Highway killer? How did Reggie get involved with working for Hiram? What exactly are Hiram’s SoDale plans? How long until someone punches Chadwick? Where’s Mary Andrews? How long have the Ghoulies been back in Riverdale…and Archie’s house for that matter? If Riverdale is such a cesspool, what exactly does Tom Keller do all day? I suppose we will just have to wait for answers to all of these questions and more. Until next week!

The post Riverdale Season 5 Episode 4 Review – Chapter 80: Purgatorio appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[crowsister-archive]

I was tagged for this by @housevlasic so that’s frosty (what can I say, I like my ice puns) Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

——

Age: 22

Birthplace: supposedly SoCal, USA, but I suspect I was secretly stolen from like. Alaska. Or New York

Current time: 11:46 PM

Drink you last had: Water

Easiest person to talk to: Ooooh, there’s a solid tie going on currently for that spot. My boyfriend and my sister hold that spot for entirely different reasons and I love them both for it.

Favorite song(s): The song that holds this title changes a bunch. Right now, it’s Lightning Strike by Snow Patrol, but Lightning by Fireflight and Soldiers has been holding my attention pretty steadily.

Grossest memory: The time I did mollusk dissection in Marine Bio. I’ll take pigs and squids over mollusks anyday.

Hogwarts House: Slytherin. Entirely for spite reasons

In love: Always. I’m the type of person to be in love with any aspect of the world (be that person, object, media, or even abstract concept) at all times

Jealous of people: ...yeah. I try not to be or, at least, try not to let it make me be pissy at the people in question. S’not fair to them

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again: It’s more love at first trust, for me. Prove that I can trust you and I’ll be there for you. Very much a battle couple kind of person, in that sense.

Middle name: Ryan. I’ve debated going by that name, ever since I was little. Then I remember my dad gave it to me and that sours the whole notion all together

Number of siblings: 1 biological, 1 “found” sister

One wish: I’d either second Claire’s wish of “That I get to finish all my fics before I die” (Low-Key and Guardian, in specific. I’d like to get something down for GW2 as well at some point, but nothing’s coming out quite how I want it to) or wish to have enough money not to have to worry about myself or anyone else (even strangers) ever again

Person you called last: My mother, if we’re talking phone. If discord counts, my boyfriend to rant about something or another.

Question you are always asked: “What are you planning to do?” Do I look like I plan? I play my hand week by week because I don’t expect to get through it. Always a pleasant surprise when I do.

Reasons to smile: Good fics, small inconsequential details about characters (I realized today that since one of my characters is Italian, I could get away with noting that she talks with her hands. Even when she’s talking to herself, mentally, and it made me grin because it’s just one more way for me to make her the biggest dork in the world), getting kudos on fics (I don’t normally get comments on my fics, but when I do, it’s like Christmas)

Song you sang last: Call me a sap, but “Defying Gravity” from Wicked still gets me belting out the lyrics every time I hear it. A lot of the songs from that musical do that to me.

Time you woke up: 7:00 AM

Underwear colour: Wine purple. Like a red-purple

Worst habit: I let my depressive symptoms get the best of me at times and it causes me to isolate myself from people. It’s something I’m working on.

X-rays: I quote, “I…what?”

Your favourite food: Chicken alfredo. Or cheesecake. 

Zodiac sign: Depends on how deep you wanna go in the chart. For sake of ease, let’s call me a Gemini/Cancer cusp baby and call it a day.

I won’t tag anyone, since I’m tired (it’s now 12:03 AM by the time I finish this. My own fault, I’ve been binge-reading fics all day and haven’t checked Tumblr until now).

[sambart93]

2018.01.01 Kuroshitsuji Musical: Tango on the Campania [Review!]

Official Site here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Video Coverage 1, 2

CAST and CHARACTERS

Furukawa Yuta as Sebastian Uchikawa Reo as Ciel Uehara Takuya as Grelle Mikata Ryousuke as Ronald Harashima Motohisa as Snake Okazaki Momoko as Elizabeth Takagi Shun as Fred Abberline Terayama Takeshi as Sharpe Hanks Utsumi Akiyoshi as Edward Akisono Mio as Francis Nasu Kozo as Alexis Kawai Ryunosuke as Ryan Stoker Izumi Shuhei as Undertaker Sasaki Yoshihide as Druitt

Non-Spoiler Review

This is a very HIGH production with very HIGH production quality. It's also very faithful to the original story. The dancing and ensemble are super professional, the singing and song have some amazing moments, the setting and the apparatus' and how they've moved around the scenes and used in different scenes are great. The projection mapping was great also. I thoroughly enjoyed the story, the characters, the costumes, the funny moments. It was a very, very enjoyable stage. This stage is loved by so many people for many different reasons; the production value, the fans of the actors (especially HideSama and Uehara, they both got woo'd at the end when I went), fans of the anime and manga like myself. This series has been in the works for almost ten years (apparently ten years this year) so of course you're not going to be disappointed by what they produce. I am thoroughly pleased with the performances and characters of Ciel, Snake and of course, the ridiculous Druitt! Also the dancing ensemble are absolutely phenomenal in this; I could not stop watching them; their dances were either very very fluid like a dead corpse would be (because that's what they were playing) or very robotic (just like a zombie would be) and it all fit perfectly. While I was originally upset that Tamaki wouldn't be coming back at Snake, I immediately fell for Harachan's Snake; he did perfect! And damn Ciel's Reo is just a phenomenal actor and he will go far; some of the notes he him in the songs actually gave me goosebumps and impressed me a thousand times over. I could go on, but I don't want to spoil anymore for you. If you're already a fan then you're gunna watch it regardless of my review right? xD And if you're not a fan yet, seriously, just give the manga a shot and if you sort like that, then watch the first season of the anime and then if you're sure you like the world and characters enough, (while I do love the absolutely mess and ridiculousness of the first few stages) start from the 2015 stage! You won't be disappointed. Rating: 8/10

*

SPOILER REVIEW!

As I mentioned in my 2018 Resolutions, I realised how shitty, critical, and negative I was getting in my reviews, so this year I'm being more objective and writing more about the positives; also, every　time I see a play I'm going to ask on twitter what things YOU want me to focus on and write about too so it's more balance and not only pleasing me, but then you're also getting stuff you want to know about the stage out of me, so follow @sambart93 for those! Now to the review!

STORY

Also mentioned above, the stage is very faithful to the original material, so if you want to know the plot to this one either read the Luxury Liner Arc or just go to the synopsis here. This is probably my SECOND favourite Arc that I've read (to be honest I haven't kept up with any of my manga series these past 13 months or just including Kuroshitsu... I'm sorry!) in the Kuroshitsuji series and for the stage to be so faithful to the original material made me so happy!

THE POSITIVES

PART ONE [About 1 hour]

My seat was Row V, which actually ended up not being bad at all! It was a lot closer than I thought.

There's a scene where the doctor shows an audience of him bringing a corpse back to life, and the dancing by the ensemble girl in that scene is absolutely amazing! I can't describe it but it was so fluid and matches the music perfectly, I was so impressed!

There's a titanic pose with Ronald and Grelle was great! Ronald really didn't want to do it but was forced to. And then soon after (or during this scene) Grelle is singing, and Ronald is just clapping behind Grelle so unimpressed - I was dying with laughter.

Most of the songs this time around are very good too! Some of my favourites from the first part is the main Campania song, Druitt's solo and I quite liked Ronald's solo too! Sebastian’s solo song is amazing too! He has a LOT of high notes to his in it. He sings the song about 3 or 4 times throughout the stage, or at least it feels like that.

I really like how this stage is gruesome too and not holding back on the projection mapping blood spurts and lots of red colour and use of red fabric to show that it's just pure blood shed going down on this boat - maybe I enjoyed it a bit too much? xD

Even when I first read the manga, I've always loved Lizzie’s badass moment and it did not disappoint on stage ever - it was great seeing her kick ass. 

I really really do like this Ciel. I felt this way the first time I saw him last year but this time around really solidified it for me! He has a lot of potential and I think he will go very far if he continues to pursue acting. A part of me really hopes his voice doesn’t break and that he doesn’t grow for like another ten years so he can constantly be our Stage Ciel xD

A small thing, which is also in the main story (to my memory), I love how Ciel is in pretty-decent-sized heels throughout this, whereas Lizzie is just in flats xD I found it totally adorable!

For those who were worried about Hidesama - because I personally haven't seen him since he was on crutches for K-Stage - HideSama is walking, kneeling, and such smoothly and fine so I guess he's pretty much okay now. Although I do feel like he was limited in the types and amount of dance moves he got so I guess he's still not 100% and/or he's just be cautious for a decent amount of time, which is a good idea! And of course he was absolutely ridiculous as Druitt! I was most impressed with his voice! I knew he was good at voice acting since I've seen how different his voice is in real life compared to in TouStage compared to in HakuMyu, but he ONCE again changed his voice for THIS stage and I was so surprised and impressed! He's really talented with his voice! No wonder he also gets voice work too! But yes, his character was ridiculous as ever and had my cracking up with the things he did even when he wasn't the center of the stage or story at the time.

Oh and I really, really like the new Snake too! I didn't realise when it was first announced who the hell it was. But about 10 minutes into the stage I realised who the damn actor was and I got super excited straight away! I should never have doubted or been pissed at him! He's such a great actor and he did not disappoint at all as Snake! I ended up super super liking him like straight away! AND it was his birthday today! So HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY!!

The stage and the apparatus’ are flawless as usual. I was fascinated at watching the ensemble pull the apparatus' around and seeing how they had used every inch of the parts to make something relateable and useful for the actors. The staging and parts of the set were amazingly well done - which is expected I know...

Also, the outfits are great!! I think that's just me really like the Victorian Era and clothing but I love the clothing from this series and seeing it in the flesh is always so great to see!

The way Mikata, Uehara and Izumi swung their weapons around with so much control but also with such smooth motions was so amazing!

PART TWO [About 1 hour]

Druitt had two solo songs; one in each part. but his solo in part two had me cracked up! Especially the opening of it which his hip thrust and the echoing of his high voice and the colourful, flashing lights. It was so funny and ridiculous. It was also the only song which had audience participation and it got all of the audience clapping which I enjoyed and was fun. He danced and moved more in this solo compared to his Part One solo which made me even less worried about his leg ^_^

Grelle forced Ronald to do the titanic pose at the end again and he was so reluctant, it was so funny! I also think this is how they END the play which is just the best way to end it >.<

The Undertaker Scythe's is SO badass and looks so good in real life! I was so fangirly inside when I finally saw his Scythe IN THE FLESH! I've been waiting for this Undertaker reveal in the stage series for a while! Also I LOVED how he swapped out a normal blade for his Scythe behind his back, it was so smoothly done!

Going back to how much I love this Ciel; Reo hit some seriously BIG notes towards the end! I was so freaking impressed!!! If he keeps up with all this training and such, his voice is going to be amazing! It's already amazing because I didn't think 12 year olds could hit such high notes but he did, and he blew me away when he did it!

I really, really, really loved the dance ensemble in this one! I was so fascinated and enticed by them and their fluid and robotic movements really matched the whole dead bodies and zombie theme very well! They totally added to the whole thing and made the stage so much more entertaining and fun to watch thanks to their talents! There was one particular female dancer (she got a lot of the main dance parts) which was so damn good, I couldn't take my eyes off her. I need to find out which one it is. But the dancers all have blindfolds on for most of the stage - being dead bodies and all - so it'll be difficult to find out WHO.

Ciel always has the best outfits! I've always wanted to cosplay him. I've always wanted to own his clothing. This stage didn't change my feelings about his outfits at all; only increased them xD

The scene/moment just before Ciel and Seb's back story was so great! The ensemble were holding Reo and Yuta mid air and it was like a slow motion of them trying to grab each other's hands before Ciel gets consumed by the zombies and just as Seb gets stabbed in the back with the scythe. It was an amazing moment! I loved it!

CURTAIN CALL

Three rounds of applause, speeches after the second round, and standing ovation at the third round.

It was Harachan’s birthday so we sang Happy Birthday to him, and he was yelling thank you at the Undertaker who was right next to him (xD) and deep bowing on the floor to the audience in thanks. He was so sweet! He was like 'I've never had so many people wish me happy birthday! I think this will be a great year!'

HideSama spoke at the curtain call and a bunch of the crowd wooooo’d when it was announced he'd be the one speaking. He spoke about how he saw the circus one last year and felt, at the time, that he wanted to return to the world, and said he's glad he’s back after two years. And at the end he put on his Druitt voice and yelled 'TADAIMA/I'm home'.

Yuta also mentioned that apparently it’s their 10th anniversary for KuroMyu this year!

THE NEGATIVES

I try and keep a positive spin on the points somewhat:

While I did love the Elizabeth badassery scene, I couldn't help but notice that it was lacking in TouStage/HakuMyu/KStage-level-like sword fighting choreography. To a normal viewer, they probably wouldn't notice but in my eyes, the choreography was simplier and slower and looked a lot more like acting-fighting (like the ensemble obviously running into her swords to land the hit rather than it feeling like a flawless move from the character) to what my eyes are used to seeing. It doesn't take away from the fact that Elizabeth is really a sword fighting badass and that's the moment in the manga I really started like Elizabeth.

Unfortunately, the only ones I couldn't warm up to is Lizzie’s family. For some reason I just didn't take any liking to Francis or Alexis. I think I least liked their song too - oopsies. Her brother was okay though, and I liked how protective he was of Lizzie because it got really funny, like when Ciel safely brings her to her family and he's like 'take her and make sure she gets off safely' and he's like 'of course I will! I'm her brother! But I won't mind if you don't make it out alive okay? *bye*' it cracked me up!

Final note; I felt the first part was a lot stronger than the second half. Especially because a large chunk of the second half was dedicated to Ciel and Seb's back story and once again we got that contract scene at the start of the back story. Personally, I wish they wouldn't redo this scene every stage. Also I felt the crowd getting restless around me when the backstory starting going for like 20 or so minutes. I think a large majority of us wanted to get back to the main, present story. It wasn't a bad backstory at all; the song Ciel and Seb did during it, with the use of the projection mapping, was really good and creative, and Seb's 'kuso gaki / this little shit/brat' bitching was amusing, but it was a little too long.

GOODS

I only bought the pamphlet and the photobook and I've already put a lot of the photos throughout the review, but I'll put the rest of the others that I liked here:

*

And that's all! Did I do well keeping positive and objective?! Now the real challenge is, can I hold this up?! We're only one day into 2018!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it!

[teawithnobiscuits]

La La overrated Land??

Film: La La Land

Genre: Musical comedy-drama

Directer: Damien Chazelle

Starring: Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and John Legend

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director (for Chazelle), Best Actor (for Gosling), Best Actress (for Stone), Best Original Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Film Editing, Best Costume Design, Best Original Score, two nominations for Best Original Song (“City of Stars” and “Audition (The Fools Who Dream)”), Best Production Design, Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing. Jeeeez, now that’s a long list!

Okay!

So I saw the big hit, the favourite, the best and the greatest: La La Land. That everybody has been talking about. And I have to say I’m impressed. When I saw the beginning, I thought this is definitely a love/hate kind of film, and I’m most definitely going to love this! The first scene with the song “Another Day Of Sun“ is truly spectacular. The precision of the dance routine is perfect. People are jumping around on cars, a dude is on a skateboard on a car! And everyone is in-sync! The whole scene is taken in one take, it’s impossible not to smile. Everything is great. But then we meet Mia (Emma Stone) and she’s preparing for an audition. My first impression is that she seems like a very likable and fun person to hang out with. Mia is passionate about her dream of becoming an actress. She meets Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) and their chemistry is really good and flirty. Seb wants to start his own jazz bar, he’s a pianist himself, and he loves jazz. Naturally they both fall in love (shocker), and the film is all about the two of them fighting for their dreams.  

Now let’s look at the nominations this film has received: Best picture, best cinematography, costume design, original score, song, sound mixing, directing and a bunch of others. Also, both Gosling and Stone has been nominated for best actor and actress. hmmm… So, both Seb and Mia are kind of bland characters. Is this because of Gosling’s and Stone’s interpretation of the roles? Maybe! And this is where my worries begin. I thought I would absolutely love this film, and that it would be life-changing as many people has said. But! Again! Stereotypical characters acted out by good but not great actors. Now, don’t get me wrong. I really like Emma Stone as a person, and she’s actually a really talented actress. Her timing, her chemistry with other people, she is convincing with every single line she says. But I still just don’t believe it… I have to admit that I have not seen Ryan Gosling in more than maybe one or two other films. So I don't have much of his earlier work to compare with. However there is something I do miss in both of them. They do everything right, but there’s something missing! I feel like it is some sort of vulnerability in both of them that is left out. I just want them both to have a breakdown and cry when things don’t work out for them. Like a good long quality session with ugly-crying! “La La Land” is about, love, passion for art and broken dreams! Mia do show us some I’m giving up on life type of thing. However she’s always so calm… Again I feel like I’m looking at two perfect people. They’re funny, flirty, cool and confident. And their chemistry is perfection! I mean wtf! Chemistry is so important. And, I think that’s the reason why Stone keep choosing the same kind of dorky, fun manic pixie dream girl roles. She’s really good at it. But in the long term it becomes so boring. I can’t tell all her earlier roles apart from this one. It’s a shame really. Cause I think acting is all about taking chances. Have some self irony, do something different, take a risk (read: Eddie Redmayne in “Jupiter’s ascending”, the film is the most hideous, ridic thing I’ve ever seen, but hey! Kudos for trying out something that could go horribly wrong!)  Anyways, back to La La Land, I’m rambling!

Another thing about the characters. They could’ve made it a bit more now if the Jazz dude was black… I mean… It’s jazz, and Seb wants to save it… It feels a liiiittle awkward. I was very happy that there is a lot of poc extras. I keep seeing poc in every crowded scene. And John Legend is an important supporting-character. But why not as one of the main characters? I mean, jazz is for everyone, but it had been refreshing with a multi-cultured couple. This is a good opportunity to do that! I’m kind of sick of all the straight white couples. And it would’ve been excused if Gosling and Stone were like unreal, absolutely amazing. But they’re kinda bland so… blah

It sounds like I really hate this film now dosen’t it? Hahah

Guys, there is a lot of great stuff in it. Let’s take a look at the other nominations. Best music, cinematography and directing. Now this is truly something. I’ve been listing to the soundtrack so many times since I saw the film, there is some really classic, jet catchy songs in there! I can imagine in a month or so, there will be many videos of people covering the songs that’s going viral. Also the cinematography is amazing. You can just pause the film, print it out and put it on the freaking wall. There you go, art! The bright colours are beautiful. I haven’t seen such a colourful film in a long time. When it comes to the directing of the film, I think it is very Oscar worthy. It’s sharp and precise, just like in Damien Chazelle’s previous work Whiplash. I really loved Whiplash and it’s one of my favourite film. I have to say the directing is one of the reasons why. The good directing continues in La La Land, Chazelle keeps making such smart chioces. And as I said, all the musical number are so precise and in-sync! It’s insane! There’s so much going on, on the screen, but it’s never chaos. I think Baz Lurhman would’ve loved this film lol, but maybe he’s more on my side? Thinking that it needs way more heartrending and emotional feelings?

Overall, to quote Nina Garcia (I’m such a Project Runway nerd ;) “It’s clever!” the film is really clever! It has everything to become a classic and it’s probably gonna take home many awards from the Oscars. The music, cinematography and directing is so good! I really love that scene when Seb is on this photoshoot, and the photographer tells him to do these weird things. It’s hilarious! However, the characters could’ve done so much more to me emotionally. I missed the look up in each others eyes, look down, smile and blush moment! I didn’t get that fuzzy, warm, adorable feeling that I wished it had. Plus point for the ending tho, it actually did tear me up. It was a little surprise that I actually didn’t see coming since it’s such a traditional film.

Well... That’s it! 

-Angelica