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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months

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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

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youphoriaot7 · 1 year

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just saw a heart-wrenching edit on tiktok (sad music and all) about q!cellbit and the way he interacts with the eggs and i just...

i remember when i was still getting into the qsmp (which i did from cellbit's pov) and was scrolling the wiki on the daily, trying to figure out past lore and relationships and everything

and every single time i clicked on an egg's page i would end up seeing cellbit's face somewhere in the relationship box. and it always made me grin so wide because it was just...cute. and then i realized a lot of them had even mentioned things like him being one of their favorite tios or whatever and i'm just so. fucking. soft. about the idea of just-

this guy. comes to this island. in the middle of nowhere—doesn't really know how he ended up there, doesn't remember much about where he came from, nothing. and, like, it's natural to be a bit skittish or at least defensive, especially when there's already so many people here, because you don't know what they will do to you, how they'll react to anything: they are essentially unknown entities.

and if you really think about it, that completely includes the eggs. because although they're just kids, q!cellbit was canonically in a war at, like, age 15. he's definitely not one to underestimate someone because of their age—he is damn well aware of how scary people can be, regardless of what their age is.

but then they start interacting, and, like—tallulah gives him flowers, and ramon picks him for a partner in the boat race, and he's able to joke and play around with chayanne and bobby, and...in a way, it's like seeing himself, or rather, what he could have been.

because he never got that; he never got to do that. he can see the relationships they have with their parents—tallulah and chayanne with phil, ramon with fit, dapper with bbh, bobby with roier and jaiden—and he sort of comes to realize, like, "these kids don't know." they don't know what it's like to be at war. they don't know what it's like to end up in jail. they don't know what it's like to not be able to live because you're too focused on surviving. whether it's been that way in the past and they don't remember or not, they don't know.

and, inwardly, he decides he's going to make damn fucking sure it stays that way.

so he starts collecting flowers, to give some to tallulah the next time they meet, and the way she beams assures him he'll continue. and when ramon makes a mistake in the boat race and starts beating himself up about it, he empathizes and reassures him. (practically makes the poor kid cry.)

he sees the way chayanne takes the lead around the younger eggs and takes note, making sure to joke around and play with him whenever he can—because he may be the oldest, and the most responsible, but he deserves to have fun, too.

all of this includes richas, of course. in fact, it's even more exaggerated, to the extent that (in some ways similarly to fit) he mostly lets richas do what he wants, only growing concerned or stern if the kid's life is in danger. (because he saw what happened to bobby, and he's not going to let it happen on his watch.)

because there's enough pain in the world. chaos runs rampant on the island, from the federation to the codes, from the kidnappings to the tasks, from the bombs to the capybaras. there is death at every turn, and this island can be deceiving, because it doesn't seem like it. it seems perfectly fine.

but he knows.

he's been in this position before, where everyone and everything is trying to kill him. he's familiar with the concept of survival. and this island is survival.

but these are kids. they don't need that. hell, he had that as a kid, and look how he turned out. no, if he has anything to say about it, nothing will seem out of the ordinary. as much as he can help it. he will gives flowers to tallulah, he will make jokes with chayanne, he will explore with richas, he will spend time with ramon and dapper—all to offer even a semblance of normalcy.

so uh the fluff part of this train of thought is over so click off now if you don't want the hurt <3

but then things start to change. bobby dies, and the federation teases them about it, dangling the child above their heads. the codes ramp up their attacks. the kidnappings start to increase. people die and respawn more frequently. and the more he tries to get free, to get away from the island, the worse things get for the current inhabitants.

he meets pomme. this terrified egg that's been trapped behind a wall since before he even got there. and he realizes that he won't be able to shelter them forever.

things are going to happen, one way or another, to shatter the fragile illusion of reality the islanders are trying to create for these kids. in some way, the curtain is going to fall, and it is going to hurt. it's going to hurt as badly as it hurt him when he was thrown into battle. it's going to hurt as badly as it hurt him when he ended up in a top-security prison when he was barely an adult. it's going to hurt as badly as it hurt him when the wool was yanked away from his own eyes by that white bear not a week after his arrival on the island.

so whatever you do, don't think about what it must've felt like to find that book. don't think about what he must've been thinking as he flipped through those old, yellowed journal pages. don't think about him reading that lost egg's words, and just thinking, "god, this could've been me."

because it very well could've been.

the book literally talks about not wanting to survive, but wanting to live, and all he can think about for the rest of the day is how it was abandoned. same as him—only one was on a battlefield, and one was in this tiny-ass room. and there was no warrior in shining armor, no police officer taking pity to pull this egg out of there. he had someone. this egg had no one.

so of course he switches out the keychain on his backpack. because carrying that egg with him is like carrying a piece of himself, in just the same way that all the eggs feel like a piece of himself.

he can't protect the eggs forever. he knows that. but that doesn't mean he can't try.

#i'm just- i'm just really not okay thinking about the relationship of q!cellbit and the eggs.#long post #they genuinely make me so upset :( <3 #qsmp #qsmp drabble #qsmp headcanons #qsmp cellbit #qsmp eggs #ev;memory #character study #i don't even know if all of this is a hundred percent accurate i'm just.#spewing words and having feelings.

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 2 months

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is it scummy to block people because you disagree with their takes 😭😭 it’s never anything personal obv but . like. would that just be mean………..

#i have a really hard time figuring out what’s ’okay’ and not because everyone says different things pjdldjd #like generally people seem to support blocking for Any reason at all #and i agree that blocking shouldn’t be such a serious thing!!!#but then i also see people get sad when they’re blocked or confused when they’re blocked by people they don’t know #… and then i ALSO see people who think you should block instead of soft blocking bc it’s less confusing #and then i . also see people say you should soft block instead of just unfollowing or block instead of just unfollowing and #……… my brain is already . so so bad with social cues and social rules so #it’s . suffering 🥲#i’d hate to upset anyone but like…. if i see a take i dislike soooo much that i’d prefer not to interact with that person #does that make me . scummy #i’m genuinely asking because i don’t know </3 #like what if that person ever follows me … what is the proper etiquette……….#yk??????#ahhhhhh #ari noises ✩

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dreamwinged · 2 months

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every single day i have at least one episode of remembering something i don’t want to remember at all and it’s just like hhhhh. more exhausting and upsetting than i have words to express. either trying to hold myself together in a public place or trying to shut it all out when i’m at home……. it’s just the worst either way

#.vent #whether it’s something totally benign and small that just triggers me for personal reasons #or a genuinely awful memory ive worked hard to repress #it just sucks so bad #even when my life is going ok my mind will just come up with reasons for me to be upset #and it’s so tiring and sickening and frustrating. my day will be ruined ->#n ill get physically sick over 1. something that is not currently happening & is in most cases several years old #2. is not relevant in the slightest anymore #or 3. is certifiably not a big deal but just hurts me for stupid pathetic personal reasons #i just. want a BREAAAAK even when i’m happy i can’t just be happy does that make sense. this illness ruins everything #its just ptsd symptoms its nothing new ive known ive had it for years its just.#some days i remember that life shouldn’t have to be like this #and ISNT like this for a lot of ppl #and it feels so. :/

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todayisafridaynight · 6 months

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tbh I really wanted the 3jimas to win that fight, to have Kiryu realize that his actions have consequences and that maaayybeee the people he keeps disappearing on to only reappear briefly to make demands of are finally sick of it and the rose tinted glasses of admiration have come off

no absolutely i really needed kiryu to just. //shakes him//

another thing i really wish we got from IW was daigo going off on kiryu- like he STARTED to but i needed that Y4 shit RIGHT NOW. if Y4 did anything right, it definitely helped broaden daigo's character in how having the chairman title pushed onto him was stressing him out and having him express this to kiryu was SO cathartic, even if daigo's words ultimately mean nothing to kiryu (or at the very least, kiryu did a bad job on understanding daigo's grievances and helping him afterwards)

it really is agitating that the jimas ended up going to the tower anyway too. i get that saejima and majima are kiryu's ex-colleagues and daigo's practically his son, and the fight was supposed to be a 'wake up call' for them. but it just diminishes the anger we saw from daigo in that first scene (and as if i have to say it, daigo becoming angry is a rare thing so that when it does happen its so jarring and it's meant to be serious) and it continues to excuse kiryu's general disregard for others if it means he gets what he wants.

its unfathomable to me that after nearly two decades of holding a position daigo didnt want for the sake of his idol, he finally gets to break away from it. and now his idol's just waltzing back into his life- after acting like he was dead for three years- asking for ANOTHER favor. and daigo's just supposed to accept it. if kiryu wasnt literally dying i just know he'd keep doing this until his last breath and no one would punish him for it because despite how many times he claims to understand daigo's woes, it's evident he doesn't care enough to leave him out of things

#iw spoilers #snap chats #this turned into a daigo rant LMAO SORRY #ALSO INTO A KIRYU HIT PIECE OOPS JLERJALJ #no listen i keep saying it but i genuinely love how much of an asshole kiryu is it makes things really interesting #BUT ITS SO FRUSTRATING WHEN HIS SELFISHNESS DOESNT GET PUSH BACK #like i remember thinking that scene in y3 where mine calls out kiryu was the best scene #i hadnt even played the rest of the series yet but i still knew mine had points about kiryu just pushing problems onto others #and still acting like he's virtuous #BUT THATS A POST FOR ANOTHER DAY ALKJALKJ kiryu ily please stay an asshole who wants to do good #but ultimately sucks at doing good for the people who matter the most to him #let me just ramble more cause when i think of that scene with the jimas its so upsetting #just seeing how daigo's so concerned for kiryu- UGH i need to eat drywall #like aoki's death was one of the only things from this franchise that actively frustrated me #but this whole scene is so agitating too whenever i think hard about it #SORYR FOR THE RAMBLE this was definitely more emotionally charged than i try to make my posts usually #but oopsie </3 i have a lot of feelings ....

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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perexcri · 1 year

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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3

now, because i'm curious:

#to hell and back again #i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol #2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much #(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down #i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up #but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor #and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own #and then had to go to work right after that #so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags #idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts #anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike #byler

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breezere · 2 years

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smooth

#raaahhhhhhrhrrhxhdgrh simple doodle thing to get me back into the groove of drawing #i have been . SO out of it these past few..... weeks-#and for no good reason! i would take one look at my art app and brain would go 'no <3'#we love ✨artblock✨ 🥰#n e way smooth flirt kokichi is great but i like to think he would accidentally let smth genuine come out at random times #and would only have a split second to think of smth to bullshit his way out of it. 99% of the time it fails #TOO SINCERE. ABORT MISSION #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #kokichi oma #saiouma #oumasai #breeze art #not pictured is shuichi getting upset and kokichi fumbling even harder to make him feel better #[shuichi is not actually upset] [he is very amused in fact]

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sysig · 6 months

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But would you tho (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #Schuldig #ZEX #And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol #Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol #I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe #Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3 #But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha #Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf #Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha #Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha #Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them #And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3 #If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c #And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness #I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha #Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort #All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing #Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely #And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really #He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)

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aro-culture-is · 2 years

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Aro culture is getting low-key pissed everytime someone shit talks the Jedi for not practicing marriage

.

#scrimpydragon #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #i aggressively refuse to engage with star wars in no small part because: 1) i don't care 2) i don't really like most movies tbh #3) my friends don't have to worry about spoiling me because i know nothing and no one and it makes them happy to infodump #4) my not-friends get super up in arms about it and then i know they won't respect my boundaries :)#(ie: some people have literally made me feel unsafe because they got so upset i haven't seen any star wars. like. genuinely)#(and tbh that tells me a LOT about how a person would handle bigger boundaries if they're able to make watching a movie into a threat)#(examples: literally threatening to force me to sit there via things i can see them genuinely doing - including physical restraint)#(when i have pretty significant boundaries around touch and it's not hard to know that)

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undercoverangell · 16 days

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rambling in the tags incoming

#vent #poks office chair #starting this off w . under no circumstances do i wanna be guilt tripping anybody #ur allowed to not gaf about what i post and draw. what am i a cop #but like. holy SHITTT putting my value and worth into note counts and engagement is gonna kill me #dude my last art post getting NOTHING besides one mutual (hi you know who you are <3 heart emoji tysm ily)#idk what to do i feel like not caring would be freeing but thats easier said than done #saying im like. shadowbanned or whatever feels STUPID #bc. i most definitely am not #but like. idk.#i dont know that my art has ever flopped THAT hard idk if im just new to the fandom but #genuinely makes me want to like. become a hermit #like it feels stupid to be so upset. .#its not even abt reblogs to likes or whatever idc.#kinda terrified that when i shifted my style... my art.. got worse. and improvement isnt linear or anything.#but damn does it sting

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mxbitters · 23 days

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i hope the people that respond to my nervousness saying “don’t be nervous” know that a certain ronald radke said that to me like seven years ago and good lord if there is one way to instantly rip a 14 year old out of their falling in reverse phase it would be that anyway if you tell me to just not be nervous you are i automatically associate you with that silly, silly man so perhaps do not

#i say. admittedly Nervous #(seriously though)#(god FORBID i wanted to ask their drummer who promptly left the band about his hair dye preferences)#i had a pressing PRESSING question for ryan but okay thank you ronnie #it is very cool to put your hand on peoples shoulders and like. pull them. that #that is definitely how you make anxious teenagers not be nervous thank you #that was truly the maybe month or so before my egg cracked lmao i was having a rough one already #and then standing for like 3 hours in the boston cold freezing my limbs off #because my best friend at the time had vip tickets to her favorite band and was so excited and invited me #guh i met. a lot of bands that since got a LOT coming out about them #I enjoyed dangerkids but 1) they were not a meet and greet thing they were opening #and 2) even then idk idk their singer produced that fir album so idk idk idk #anyway yes mister radke this shoulder will forever have the lingering feeling of Your Stupid Fucking Hand Grabbing It Very Very Cool #but sure sure be vewy upset about trans people and anyone who says your music is bad #(you make so many songs about how you dont care)#(and the other songs you make are the embodiment of very real abuse tactics)#(you cant be twying to be bettew if you are genuinely not trying)#(you know its bad when even the right wing grifters wont let you be part of their club)#(even blair white is probably holding you at a very far arms length)#(try that. arms length. do not grab kids shoulders thank you)

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inkyajax · 4 months

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I KNOW that if you ever go around playing genshin again and go to Fontaine you will like Wriothesley

i am playing genshin again!!! i’ve talked a bit about wriothesley on my main blog (@inkykeiji) and how he’s soooooo so so sexy (and if i’m being entirely honest when he was first shown in the story i almost did come back for him!!! bcoz ur right! visually he is 100% my type!) bUT he’s also such a wet sandwich of a man!!!! 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ he’s so boring!!! maybe once i meet him in game i’ll change my mind and look like a total fool in the process but from his voice lines alone i just find him so bland as a character ._.

#it’s very upsetting because he genuinely is so fucking sexy #and i’ve had friends say (not about him but about other characters) ‘i don’t want to ride his personality just his cock’ which i entirely #get as well #but for me it’s like aaAAAAAH if he’s just sexy but super boring as a character (to me personally!) i have so much trouble getting into him #you know what i mean anon???#anyway we’ll see #this game has such a tendency to make me an absolute fool so often #so i won’t be surprised if i entirely change my mind #the fact that i am now crawling back to it for a THIRD TIME speaks volumes in how silly this game makes me #but it’s also helping me realize i have to stop speaking in absolutes LMAO #so that’s good at least! learning things about myself and growing yadda yadda yadda #i hope monday is treating u well bb!!!#i’ll be back on this blog super soon!!! i just gotta seriously do some blog maintenance here HEHE #pls stay safe n drink water <3 #inky.bb #clari gets mail

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together #i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week #all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds #also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn #ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself #but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates #gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard #but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh #and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism #like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since #n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on #its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it #and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions #+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf #so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead #its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths #just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea #but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke #so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close #ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual #happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all #and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves #like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me #and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway #doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3 #but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately #but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that #.diaries #okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo

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pasta-pardner · 1 year

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top 5 Red Dead characters

Arthur Morgan (the obvious and most indisputably Correct answer)

John Marston (baby girl)

Dutch Van der Linde (hes super well written in canon which is why i rarely ever engage in fan content about him)

Charles Smith (genuinely don't think rdr2's themes could remain intact w/o him)

Javier Escuella (blorbo who i have a pepe-silvia-level wall of headcanons about)

#i love the red dead games so much . fjskljdsfjlk but ho boy these characters get super mischaracterized in fanon and it upsets me.#which is why y'all will like . /never/ see me blog about dutch. i don't trust red dead fans to understand dutch. dsfjkldfsjkldfs #or even arthur-- to an extent.#but i feel like dutch and john are actively mischaracterized in fandom (''he would not fucking say that'' etc etc)#whereas canon arthur is just. so good he cannot be replicated-- even when fans are on the right track.#arthur morgan might genuinely be my favorite fictional character of all time . hes so well written its insane #but like ''arthur morgan is the best character'' is the intended viewpoint for anyone who plays the game.#its a lukewarm take. hes objectively good. loving arthur morgan is like loving a five star gourmet meal.#i like babygirlifying john bc i feel like i have more room to be weird about him... if that makes sense?#and uhh charles and javier are minor character that mean the world to me . they have screentime in my heart.#idk if this ramble makes any sense. just know that i am insane <3 #red dead #rdr2 #rdr1 #arthur morgan #john marston #dutch van der linde #charles smith #javier escuella #🤠#asks #gothjamesdean #pardner posts

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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i just find it kinda interesting how i get plenty of mean anons when i simply vent abt being in love w someone who's w someone else???? i've never gotten as many weird condescending and mean asks as i have venting abt this situation..... like honestly that is kinda fkn weird 💀 esp since it's one of the most normal things in life and like idk i just think it's weird that ppl see me sad abt having love for someone that cant go anywhere more and ppl are like "omfg i cant take this i have to be cruel to this stranger i dont even know just bc they're sad abt being unhappily in love". like fr wtf is wrong w some ppl... how is this anyone's business... 💀

#and like i know not all anons are the same person #but like if one is who i think it is...#why tf would i want u or like u when you're fkn mean cruel and demanding like use your head to think... 💀#idk i just think this is very very weird #i've vented and cried and whined abt so many things but i never get any anons #and like 2yrs ago i complained everyday abt my unrequited crush on my physical therapist and no one said anything #now all of a sudden i get more mean anons than i've evr gotten just bc im fkn sad bc the person i love choose someone else???????#like i dont know im just a bit flabbergasted abt this bc it is actually so weird #and honestly it's just making me even more sad and upset bc the safe space i had hoped for and wanted to nurture cant be done so #people are awful and i just dont feel any hope of being lucky enough to meet someone like that again </3 #genuinely i've never gotten this many weird or condescending or mean anons #and its like wow im fkn in pain and heartbroken and sad and that is smth normal and smth #manyyyyy ppl got thru and some ppl see it and get... irritated and need to be mean to me???#like what kind of person are u to be like that....... 😐#bro this is my blog and the only place i have to help me deal with things #what the fuck is wrong with u to take things i say that dont concern u personally #its none of your business that i dont have emotional intelligence bc i havent asked u to be in my life so....????

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