#they laced my Batman Beyond with emotions...

[pigspeetsandhooflikefeets]

why am I crying at Bruce more or less taking Terry in. why am I moved. like I'm giving it 10 episodes before they get into a screaming match with each other knowing this franchise. regardless. I am emotional.

[jadedsnowtiger]

The mall wasn't a place she typically would go, but Gotham had a great punk store, and Tim was in a mood to shop,  so the two left the house to venture out alone. At least Tim could drive now, so they didn't need the boys to follow and complain they were bored.

The mall was quiet, as it was still early, in order to beat the rush of people. Tim held her hand, and kept her focused on the things she wanted to be, pulling her away from any negative emotions.

She was looking over Tim's nail polish, smiling at the bright red tips he had done. 

Her own black with green tips looked amazing, as their fingers laced together.

Tim had his second coffee of the day, as they walked to Hot Topic, it had been perfectly calm, until the sounds of popping forced her to jump in her skin, as she looked around the mall with wide eyes.

People began to scream, and run in all directions, of the mall.

"Run!" Her mind screamed, as her body froze.

The  hallway shrunk as people started to react, the air filled with screaming, as Rachel looked around stuck in fear.

The popping started to get closer, as she felt herself being grabbed, as she and a group ran into a nearby store, as the security fence was being lowered down.

 She didn't know who had her, as they rushed to get under the door before it closed. Rachel turned to the door, as it clicked in place.

The poping, screaming and crying were claiming her senses.

"El?" 

She turned to see Tim, as he pulled her into his arms, dragging her to the back of the store.

"We need to be out there." She had to go out there, the screaming and cries for help were coming from beyond the door.

"We- proof." 

She couldn't make out his words as a death scream was heard, as Tim placed his hand over her head pulling her to the back of the store.

"Here you're both small, hide under here." Rachel heard, as Tim pulled her under the clothing stand.

"We can't do anything." Tim told her, rubbing her head, frustrated."We can't fucking help!"

She noticed he was shaking, as he held her close. She could smell his coffee, his shirt was wet and brown, as he pulled on it.

"Yeah, it's all over me, I'm okay." He kissed her head as they jumped with each shot. "Are you, okay?'

Rachel just looked up, she couldn't see through the tears. Where they play?

"Rachel, the store is shaking, stop it." He swore at her using Robin's voice, pulling her close. "Breathe,"

It was a demand she could follow, as she took a breath, she couldn't see him though her panic.

"Out." He demanded. 

And she complied, as she looked up.

"In." Tim demanded, holding on to her face.

She let out her breath.

"I need you to calm down." Tim kissed her, pulling her close, as they both cried out as a bomb exploded somewhere in the mall. "We can do this."

Rachel nodded, as she kissed gently. Then a few more times, as he was distracting her, she needed it, as she kissed him crying softly.

"They are going to come." Tim swore to her. "Conner is gun proof."

Rachel nodded, as Tim kissed her head, petting her to calm her down.

"Wait, my butt." Tim reached down to his bottom, pulling out  his phone. 

Rachel looked at him in fear, as he grabbed his phone, as they cuddled close.

 "Dickie?" 

Rachel looked up, Tim was just as much of a mess as she was, shaking as he held her close. He was keeping a front to make her feel safe, but he was just as terrified as she was.

" Victoria Secret, they are close to us. I think we are safe.  It's a decent door. Four men with guns are protecting us. Ya, she's freaked out. I got her.  Ya that's her screaming, she- we are scared." 

Rachel let Tim pet her hair, as they hid under the underwear stand. 

Was she screaming? She looked around the room of confused, scared people. The room was in chaos, people hiding in every corner, some screaming, some crying, all hiding. A few men stood at the doorway, with their own Guns, ready to fight whoever entered the metal door.

"Where is Batman?" One of the men at the doors with the gun asked, as he looked around the room. "There are 20 souls in here."

"Anyone injured?" Another asked.

None really moved, all too frozen in fear, as Rachel looked over her arm to see if she was hurt.  Before she ran her hand along Tim's body looking for anything.

"None go near the exit, they are rigged." Tim called out waving his phone for everyone to see. "The cops said the mall is all rigged up."

A few people panicked, as the other calmed them.

"Raven?"

Rachel shook her head, Raven was in shook, not fear, they had been cought of guard. 

" No... I think she's locked away." Tim kissed her head, as another exploration went off. Tim broke down after he screamed. "Dickie.."

Rachel cried, as she heard over the phone being told that the Titans were close. 

"Calm down, Rea." Tim placed the phone to her head, placing his other hand over her ears.

"Daddy?" She whimpered, she didn't know why, but in this moment, she wanted him, her Daddy. Dick would stop everything, Dick would be able to calm her down.

Dick must have sniffed, "I am here, baby, you're both doing so good. Nightwing is on his way to help the police. I have your Gar, and Conner, we will come get you. Don't leave until it's one of us."

Rachel nodded, as she whimpered, as Tim held her close.

Someone in the corner was freaking out, before they ran for the fire door. None close by stopped them, as they ran out the door screaming. The fire alarm went off above them, soaking them in the preventative spray. There was a very close exploration, too close.

"What's going on?"

Rachel cried, hiding herself in Tim's arms.

"Someone is gone." Rachel looked, closing her eyes. "Ran away." 

"How far did they get?" Dick asked, as an explosive went off.

"Not far, they tripped something I think." Rachel wiped at her eyes, as she looked around the dark room, it was so full of panic.

"Police have started, the doors are all armed from the outside, don't leave." 

Rachel shook, as she climbed into Tim's arms shaking.

"The Titans are coming, Batman is coming." Dick swore to her.

"I want my Daddy." Rachel wasn't sure if she screamed. "I don't want Batman."

"I'm coming." Dick swore to her. "I am coming, we are passing the baracard now."

"Daddy!" She cried, not noticing she was calling for Dick. Tim held her close, rubbing her back,  as she shook.

"Breathe Rea." Tim warned her, petting her head as he kissed her.

"Daddy is here, I am outside, going through the doors. Gar, Conner, hunt for Rachel and Tim. Kori, with me, baby we need to get the gunmen."

"Gar coming?" Rachel held on to the phone, Gar would save her. Gar would hold her, kiss her and make the bad things go away.

"Your Gars on his way." Dick spoke gently. "You're sweet, loving Gar is on his way to save you."

There was another explosion as they were left in the dark. Rachel screamed, as Tim pulled her under him, protecting her from any danger.

"Take him down!" Was heard from outside of the store.

"That's Superboy!" Tim rubbed her back. "He's down the hall, you hear him?"

Rachel heard the angry growl that followed by a painful scream.

"Someone's out there!" One of the men guarding the door spoke.

"Batman?" One smiled.

"Thank god."  Another called, as Tim brushed her hair.

"Breath." Tim demanded, not giving her any other choice. "Breathe."

Rachel shook in fear, as she tried to breathe, the air was so sticky and full of fear it tasted bad.

"Breath Raven." Tim growled, as he forced her to look at him. "Just breathe."

"Beast Boy, drop him!" Batman called through the door.

A cry was heard.

 "Not down the elevator shaft." 

"It works for me." Conner called out. "Toss them all down, so they can't get out." 

"I'm with the boys, B." Jason agreed.

"Hear that? that's Redhood." Tim whispered to her, kissing her. "We are saved."

A knock on the door, as Jason checked on the people inside.

"Bring me the panicked Goth." Redhood asked them, though the bottom of the door, as Tim helped her to her feet.

Rachel was frozen, she couldn't move, as Tim pulled on her arm. Rachel shook her head crying, she couldn't move.

"Kid, give this to the goth." Redhood passes something through the bottom of the door. "She is a Meta, she needs to be calmed." 

One of the men, by the door, walked it over to Tim, who opened the box.

Rachel knew it was Valium, before she even looked to it, Jason was one of the few people she trusted to give it to her.

"Open, Rea." Tim nodded, in thanks as he placed one in her mouth. "Now focus on breathing." 

Rachel nodded, as she swallowed the bitter pill, as Tim petted her face. Rachel nodded, as she breathed, trying to  calm down.

"It's almost over, Batman, Redhood, Superboy and your Gar are out there. Nones getting past them, are they?" Tim reminded her.

"Get down you motherfucker!" Redhood yelled. "You have my baby brother and sister in there." 

It sounded like Jason was nearing his victim as he talked.

"What did I say about children?" 

The man screamed.

"No. you had to go after mine." Redhood yelled, before a thump was heard.

"Let me in, does anyone need medical care?" Conner knocked on the door. "It's Superboy."

Tim stood wrapping his arms around Rachel as they moved to the door.

"It's on an electric lock, we can't." One of the store clerks from the back of the panic room spoke up. "Only that few inches." 

"Can you get in, Superboy?" Tim asked. "Look, I am not that important, but my sister, she needs medical care."  Tim walked to the door. "She has severe PTSD."

"Do you trust me to take you both?" Superboy played his part.

"Isn't that a Wayne boy?" Someone in the store asked.

"We both have it." Rachel spoke up, as she wrapped her arms around Tim. "We both need it."

"Anyone else need medical care, or is it okay waiting with the police?" The man at the door asked as another walked over bleeding from his leg as he hopped.

Rachel felt Tim petting her neck, as she hid in his shoulder.

"Three coming out for medical." The armed man told Superboy, as Superboy opened the door, allowing them to get out before closing the door again. Once outside the doors the man fainted, as Tim broke down. Rachel stood numb, unsure of anything as Batman walked over to check the unconscious man.

Rachel was so numb, she fell to her knees in shock.

"Mama?" Gar whispered, moving closer to her. He knelt down in front of her, waiting for a response, as he took her hand shaking it. 

She couldn't breathe, where was the air?

"Mama?"

She felt nothing, looking at Gar in full Beast mode, as he looked her over. Beast sniffed her head and arms looking for any marks.

"It's okay, it's okay." Gar told her, as the Beast allowed him to front and speak for the both of them, as running his hands down her arms. "It's over now." 

Rachel just looked up, as Gars eyes were glued to hers, all around her was too much, she was terrified. She watched as Gar took control over his body.

"Take her outside." Batman suggested. 

"Let's go outside?" Gar suggested, as he helped her to her feet. "Some fresh air, that will bring you back." 

Rachel just looked, Tim was in Jason's arms screaming away, Bruce getting a medical team and SWAT to help the others out.

"Don't let them see anything." Batman seemed to remind them, as Gar took Rachel on to his hip, she couldn't feel anything as he held her.

"Look at me." Gar asked, moving her head to face him. "Keep watching me, Rea."

Rachel attempted to nod, as Gar held her head close to his shoulders, blocking her view with his hands.

"Redhood?" Gar called, as Redhood joined them, she felt Tim's hands reach for her as they were carried out of the mall.

Rachel just let Gars hand hold her, closing off the world around her. She knew he would kiss her better, but she couldn't feel it.

"So, this is the last time you go without me." Gar joked, as he pressed his lips to her cheek. "You are a trouble magnet." 

"You too, Timberly." Jason spoke up. "Last time you forgot your wallet for a 1500 bill."

Tim stopped screaming, and settled into tears.

"I've never seen them this bad before." Gar must have told Jason.

"Either have I." Jason hugged Tim close. "Dick, Rachel heading to the Batmobile."

"So they go to the hospital?" Gar pet her hair kissing her softly as he looked at Jason.

"No, the cave has places that are safer." Jason spoke. "If the box holds Superman, hopefully, if she breaks, it will hold her."

"No." She felt herself say, she tried to look back, but Gar stopped her. "I want Daddy."

"Daddy?" Gar asked with a smile, as he kissed her forehead. "Dick, you hear that?"

"Please." Rachel looked to Gar. "I want my Daddy."

Gar nodded, kissing her head. "Then he's coming." 

"Dick came to the car." Jason spoke, as they turned the corner walking though several police that moved aside, as Barbara told them to stand down.

"Daddy's on his way." Gar kissed her ear, as he held her close. "You're safe Rachel, you and Tim are safe now."

"Put her inside the car." 

Gar nodded, as he opened the Batmobile, before taking her inside with him. 

"Pass me Tim too." Gar suggested. "It's Daddy's Car, you can't be safer then in here."

"Good point."  Jason placed Tim down on the seat as Tim moved to Gar free hip. Rachel watched  with her laying on Gars shoulder, as Tim reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"How are they?" 

"Shell shocked." Jason sounded like he swore. 

"Medical?"

"Rachel has her valium, they are both unresponsive." Jason looked into the car worried, as he caught Rachel's eyes.

"Where is she?" 

Rachel heard Dick, as the other side of the car jumped in, grabbing the three of them into his arms.

"My sweet babies."  Dick kissed her head several times.

Rachel looked to him, he was a mess from battle, but he smiled softly to her.

"Daddy?" She whimpered.

Dick nodded, as she crawled into his arms.

"Daddy." She cried, as she crawled as close to him as she could get. She was terrified, nothing in her mind was working. 

Dicks arms where strong as he held her close.

"It's okay." Dick told her, kissing her head.  "You're safe now, it's okay."

"No, it's not." She cried, as she grasped for breath.

"Rachel, please, stop." Dick rubbed her back. "You need to stop holding your breath, it's okay."

"I can't breathe." She screamed, as the windows shaded around her.

"Yes, you can." Dick pulled her back to look her in the eyes. 

"I can't." She shook as she cried.

"Breathe." Dick demanded, as she shook her head gasping. "Please Rachel, you're going to be sick."

"Give her more valium."

"I need your butt." Gar spoke gently, as she felt his hands rub her back. "Can I give you this?"

Rachel nodded, she needed to calm down, everything was shaking and the world was getting too loud.

"Count to 50." Gar demanded from her, as he pulled down her pants.

"One." Rachel closed her eyes, as she felt the needle.

"Count." Gar demanded, as he rubbed her back. "Two, Three."

"Four. Five." She hiccuped, as Dick rubbed her head kissing her.

"Six, Seven." Tim joined them on the counting.

"Eight, Nine." Jason joined, as Rachel slowly calmed down.

"Good birds." Dick kissed her head, as she lay her head down on his shoulder.

"That's two doses, she might be out." Jason warned.

Rachel just watched the light glowing off Dicks hair, as she whimpered, unable to really fight anymore.

"Let's get them to the cave, I'll come back for B." Jason spoke. "Timberly needs his special PJ's, Rachel should be changed as well, don't force them to bathe, it might be too much stimulation."

"What should I do?" Gar sounded lost.

"Wanna drive the Batmobile?" 

"Seriously?" 

"Get the kids home, B can take a motorbike back."  

"Oh dear god." Gar jumped with excitement. "You want to come up with me, Mama?"

Rachel just shook her head, as she buried her head in Dicks neck.

"Tim?"

Tim crawled deep  beside her, on Dicks lap, wrapping his arm around her to protect her.

"Okay, music." Gar nodded, as he moved, giving Rachel and Tim a kiss to the forehead.

"I'll play you both music as I drive."

"Disney?" Dick asked.

"We at the Young Justice play music after bad things." Gar moved to the front of the car, as Rachel cried softly.

"It's okay, Mama." Gar spoke, as he started the engine. "I was raised on four wheelers- Cliff taught me."

Rachel turned to him, watching as he pulled out of the spot and took off.

"There once was a doggie..woof woof woof." Gar sang as he drove.

"That's a sad tale." Tim spoke in a small voice.

"Okay, what about, "Everything is awesome?"" 

"It's not." Rachel cried, the drugs were kicking in, as she lopped her head on Dicks shoulder.

"When you're part of a team!" Tim laughed, as he sang along.

Rachel decided she was stuck with the song, as the two sang.

"Everything is awesome!" The boys laughed as they sang, Dick was now involved as she closed her eyes.

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Retrospective Review: Casino Royale (2006)

So after thinking about it, I figured that with No Time to Die coming out soon, the Craig Bond era Bond movies deserve a post per film. Casino Royale is the film that got me into Bond. I had seen some of the Brosnan films by then, but they didn't really stick to me much. Perhaps also because I was reasonably young when the Brosnan films came out. But Casino Royale came out during my teen years, where I was starting to get into more dark and gritty movies. To me, this movie and Batman Begins, are cut from the same cloth. Both rebooting characters that had gotten too campy in previous iterations, both brilliant origin stories, and both grounded in reality and gritty. Its no wonder that both version of these characters ended up being my favorite versions. Casino Royale is still easily my favorite Bond film to date.

Truthfully, to me this film is near perfection as an action-thriller. For classic Bond fans who have grown up with the franchise and want specific things like Moneypenny and Q and various gadgets, this film may not be as endearing because it very specifically goes away from being gadget heavy and doesn't give Bond a support staff other than Mathis. I think the most high tech thing in the movie was a portable defibrillator. But this film had me from the very beginning in the black and white sequence and how it showed Bond's two kills to become 007 and how it reimagined the classic opening shot of Bond shooting and the blood red soaking over the screen. I just new we were in for something special from the very beginning. What's amazing is the pacing of this film. This was the longest Bond film since OHMSS at the time. I have watched all prior Bond films and I have felt restless at times while watching them, but not when watching Casino Royale. There is constantly something happening and it keeps you engaged. Not once was I bored in the movie.

The action in the film is absolutely high class. I think its the best Bond action that I have seen. The most classic scene of course is the incredible Parkour chase. Its incredibly exhilarating and major kudos to the guy who did the stunts for the bomb maker. You also get a real understanding of what a brute force this Bond is. While the Bomb maker chooses to jump through the window, Bond will burst through the wall. The Bomb maker will climb construction rods, Bond will just drive a bulldozer and destroy the construction and climb up. When the bomb maker throws the gun at him, Bond just catches it and throws it right back. Little things like that give Bond a personality that is different. But this is only the first great action sequence. There is the Miami airport truck sequence that is also brilliant. You have to love the smug smile on Bond's face when the bomber accidentally blows himself up. There is the staircase fight which is brutal and visceral. Then there is final fight scene in Venice which is emotional and tragic and is the true making of Bond. In between it all, there is the Poker game which is surprisingly entertaining given it takes up quite a chunk of time. There are also some incredibly tense sequences which are laced with humor, like the Bond poisoning scene where Bond almost gets killed and then returns with a classic one liner to leave Le Chiffre dumbfounded. There is the torture scene which is hilarious because of how Bond reacts to the torture and eggs him on in a way. The film never lets up in the action and the thrills.

An enormous part of the success of the film is the casting of Mads Mikkelson as Le Chiffre. I had not known Mads from anywhere before this, but he is immediately compelling and enigmatic. More importantly, rather than just being an all powerful villain to foil, he feels like a human. The tearing blood is a great, sinister gimmick, but you feel like he is on the edge when he loses money in the stock market due to Bond. You feel his desperation in some of the Poker scenes, as well as when the african fighters find him at the hotel, and then when he is torturing Bond to find the location of the money. I am not sure whether I like him more than Bardem's Silva or not, but its telling that the best Bond movies of Craig's era have the best villains. This film put him on the map for me and I loved him as Hannibal, saw him Dr. Strange, and I want see how he does as Grindelwald in the next Fantastic Beasts movie.

However, what elevates this film beyond any prior Bond movie is the casting of Eva Green as Vesper Lynd. She is the best Bond girl ever put to film and the romance between her and Bond is one of the most heartfelt and tragic romances that I have seen. The chemistry between the two actors/characters is electric from their very first scene in the train. The film gives them everything. There are deeply intimate scenes between the two which are not remotely sexual such as the tender shower scene where Bond comforts Vesper after the stairwell fight, many instances of witty repartee, scenes of romance, and then the bitter tragedy of her betrayal and her death. Even her death scene is picturized in a way where you really feel the connection as you can tell that Vesper can't bear to live with what she's done. The film doesn't flinch when showing her drown so it engulfs the audience in the same horror and sadness that Bond is feeling. In general, you experience the same emotions as Bond does as you can't help but fall in love with Vesper and just at the point of happily ever after, it all turns to ash. Its a phenomenal character arc and it also does a great job of establishing how Bond became so cold. Its a fantastic performance from Eva Green, and yet another instance of an actor who put herself on the map in my eyes.

And then there is the man himself. Yet another actor who I knew very little about. At that point everyone thought Craig wasn't good looking enough, not tall enough, not charismatic enough etc... to play Bond. But boy did he just blow expectations away. He is my Bond for sure because his performance is just exceptional in every way. He is built like a tank and is a force of nature, but Craig brings a tender vulnerability, perfectly suited for a young Bond. He looks dapper, is charismatic, is great in the fight scenes, and you genuinely feel he could beat the crap out of people. As I have already mentioned, there are so many touches to his performance that is unique to him. The brutality he brings in the fight scenes, the smirk at the end of the Miami scene, the heartfelt tenderness in the shower scene, the twinkly eyes humor, the rage when he is betrayed, the devastation at Vesper's death, and then the coldness that comes after that. He gets to show a full range, and he delivers every aspect with perfection.

One of the major carryovers from Brosnan era, was Jud Dench as M. And she gets a lot more to do during the Craig era. She is phenomenal as she always is. The dynamic between her and Bond is slightly more stern maternal in the Craig era compared to Brosnan and their interactions are great. Jeffrey Wright brings Felix Leiter back into the fold for the first time since License to Kill and he's a welcome presence as always. Giancarlo Giannini is also pretty great as Mathis and I'm glad he came back in QoS. Jesper Christensen has a quiet presence as Mr. White, who makes recurring appearances in the future.

I feel not enough people give Martin Cambell credit for what he has done. Twice he has launched Bonds successfully. GoldenEye was really good and Casino Royale is just outstanding. I have never paid much attention to the Bond song but the song for Casino Royale is pretty great. Again its telling that the two songs that I remember from Bond movies are from Casino Royale and Skyfall. Anyways, Casino Royale is a near perfect movie, especially for someone who is new to Bond. It really launched Bond into the modern world and got him away from the cold war era type plots. If I had to quibble about something, I would say some of the scenes in the Bahamas are a little slower and maybe 5-10 minutes can be edited down but even those scenes are great character scenes and we get a new origin of the DB5. A 9.5/10 for me.

[multifandomgirl-us]

Johnny Don't Leave Me

Slightly based off the song Bust Your Kneecaps by Pomplamoose

link to song X

Terry has to do some undercover work as John Ludwig and it involves getting close to you, the daughter of one of the biggest mafia bosses around. He has been undercover for a couple years now and thinks he finally has enough evidence to stop pretending.

Disclaimer: Terry in Batman Beyond is 16 years old but in this story he is 22 when he meets the reader and about 24 when the incident happens and they confront each other again.

Undercover!Terry x Mafia!reader

The sparkling diamond ring sat on the left hand ring finger perfectly. The sunshine reflecting off of it was blinding to those not used to it. You have been admiring it for the last half hour while you sat waiting for your appointment at the bridal shop. A slight smile has stayed permanent on your lips ever since the proposal from your now fiance John Ludwig.

You and John had met at a coffee shop that you and your family owned. Although coffee wasn't the only thing your small family business dealt with, that is where you spent most of your time. John had walked in one day while you were on break and asked to sit with you even though there were other tables open. From there he proceeded to woo you and you had fallen in love with him. A couple years passed and he had asked for your hand in marriage. You of course said yes and he promised to love you forever.

The wedding preparations were going as smooth as they could but you had almost forgotten one thing: the dress. Hence the appointment today at the shop. With you was your cousins Anna and Amber who were the closest thing you had to sisters. You were the only child as your mom had passed away giving birth to you. With you being the only child, you were also your father's little princess and he and the family would hurt anyone or anything that dared to lay a finger on you in the wrong way. This caused suitor after suitor to flee and for you to be single for most of your life. The only one who decided he could handle your family and you was John, or Johnny as you like to call him. He made it through your first date and more importantly he made it through being introduced to your father which is where most of them ran off.

"Y/N, we're ready for you if you will just follow me," the sales representative said, approaching your small group.

“Of course.”

As you walked, you gazed around at the white Victorian style walls lined with pictures of models in each frame wearing some of the dresses available in the boutique. Luckily for you, you knew what style of dress you wanted and had contacted the shop in order to have the style pulled right away and put in your changing room.

All of the extravagant dresses lined the wall, hanging by the rod that was fastened across the wall. Dress after dress, almost none of them felt right to you, they didn't give you that wow, until about three dresses from the last did you find the one for you.

You weren’t a traditional woman so the whole 'white dress for the wedding day' was not for you. Your power colors were red and black and that is what you were going to stick with. Your final decision was a flowing red dress with a deep v-neck and black accents on the bodice. The train of the dress was longer than the dress itself and you found a red lace veil with a tiara to match. The final preparations for your wedding were now complete and you could not wait to marry the love of your life.

-Time skip-

“Do you John Ludwig take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife? If so, say ‘I do’,” the priest spoke. At that moment, the usually non-existent smile appeared on John’s face and he let go of your hands. Your smile vanishes and instant panic sets in.

“I don’t,” John states with relief. After he spoke those words, you regretted your ‘no weapons’ rule that you put in place. Besides the pain and sadness running through your mind was the urge to hurt John.

“Get down on the ground!” The sound of multiple police officers and the doors to the chapel slamming open were all muffled to you as the only thing on your mind was getting revenge. Unfortunately for you, revenge would have to wait as John was nowhere to be seen and the friends and family who were gracious enough to attend your wedding were either being escorted out in handcuffs or running away. As most of the police were being distracted with your guests, you took your chance to escape. There was no way you could get your revenge if you were locked up.

Although those who were unlucky enough to not get away wouldn’t be locked up for long, you were still going to have to wait for the rest of your family to get out to carry out your plans. You used this time to gather resources and information on who this John character was and any family he had. He made it personal so it was only right for you to attack him on a personal level as well.

-Time skip-

Months of cyber-stalking research and actual stalking observance had led you to the true identity of the man you knew as John Ludwig. Which leads you to your current situation. The sound of guns being fired resounds throughout the warehouse, covering the sound of grunts and punches being thrown at the bat who caused all this. John, who you discovered was actually the Bat in disguise, was currently giving and receiving punches. Unfortunately for your men, it was more giving than receiving. Over half of your men in the room were getting their asses handed to them and the other half were still working on loading the “cargo” or were unconscious.

You had gotten permission from your father and gathered the men he considered “disposable” and created this whole thing. The crates being loaded were just left over boxes from previous shipments in order to not lose any actual precious cargo. The men were just some of the newbies that had joined. This whole thing was all a charade to get the Bat to you and clearly, it worked. Even if the overall heist did not work out and he found out it was a hoax, you had a plan B which was more devious than you wished to go but a girl’s gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Majority of your men had been knocked out when you decided to reveal yourself to Batman. “Well, well, well. Isn’t it Batman, or would you rather I called you John, or even better yet, Terry?” you took slow calculated steps towards the man in the skintight batsuit. As you said his real name, you saw the whites of the mask where his eyes would be widen slightly.

“Wha-, mhmm, What do you mean, who’s Terry?” the Bat asked.

“Don’t play dumb with me Terry McGinnis. When you destroyed a day that was supposed to be special for me you made it personal. So, I made sure to find out personal things about the supposed John Ludwig who to my surprise does not exist. See when the cops took over and arrested my family and friends on our wedding day. I just so happened to see the oh so familiar silhouette of Batman. Now, it was pretty obvious that either John knew the Bat or was him. I did some digging and to my surprise, found your real name is not John Ludwig, but Terry McGinnis. Your reaction to being called Terry was just the confirmation that it is you. Lucky for me, I found out everything I could about you. Like your brother Max who lives with your mom, how your dad died, or even past girlfriends like Melanie better known as 10 and Dana, your highschool sweetheart. There is nothing that you can hide from me Terry. Not when you messed with my family.” By the time you were done with your spiel, you were within arms reach of Terry. He saw this as an opportunity to grab you and shove you against the closest wall-like object to the two of you. This so happened to be one of the pallets which had a loose box on the top. The box dropped at the impact, bursting open to reveal packing peanuts and crumpled up pieces of paper.

Terry looked down at the mess just made and then back at you, “this was all just some ruse, there was no shipment going out tonight was there?”

“Wow, great detective work,” you deadpanned.

“You were really so obsessed with the idea of revenge that you created this whole scheme. Even if John Ludwig did exist, the chances of the both of you divorcing is high. All of this for a ruined wedding. That’s pathetic.”

“Yes, I did. But not just for a ruined wedding. It’s for the loss of trust, the family that was locked up, the family that was shot while being apprehended, and for messing with my emotions. I loved you and the day of the wedding is when I was shown that you had no care for me at all. I tried to stay out of my father’s business, I was trying to get out of my family because I didn’t want to subject you, subject John, to my messed up family. Turns out this family, my family, is the only group of people worth trusting. Because when you broke my heart, they did everything they could to help me even while dealing with the deaths and detainments of their own. It may be pathetic to you but you are the one who pushed me to my breaking point. Anything I do now, is your fault. Remember that, Terry McGinnis.” As much as you wanted your revenge to happen at that moment, you knew that it would be stupid and that you would be overpowered. Terry has had years of training and you are just getting started. You would get your revenge in due time but for now the psychological toll of what you would be doing in the future was enough for you.

soooooo this was long overdue... sorry

also thank you to @offendedfishnoises for continuous motivation to write this and for looking it over for me! <3

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

[bigskydreaming]

IGN’s recent Bat-focused article (Batman: What Does Red Hood Need to Do to Get A Good Story?) praises fanfic writers and also is an amazing critique of how stagnant Jason has become under recent DC management and I’m so surprised at how good it is and how well thought out the solutions were

Hmmm. I just looked it up and I mean, I’m not trying to start anything but I both agree and disagree? Like, it makes some points for sure, I mean, its not like its saying things that I haven’t said a thousand times about Dick, like.....these characters need to be allowed access to a full range of emotions, both good and bad, in order to be fully fleshed out, so I mean yes on that premise alone I absolutely agree this is as true for Jason as it is for Dick or anyone else.

Tbh my only real criticism of the piece is it thinks Jason exists in a particular predicament the other characters aren’t in as well. And that I just don’t agree with, like they kinda lost me a bit with their first paragraph:

His complexities and moral ambiguity make him a compelling and distinct character among his more strait-laced Robin-brothers. Sadly, the character has seen little growth since his rage-filled reintroduction into comics. The ‘former Robin becomes a villain’ idea was enough for DC to coast on for a while but since rejoining the heroes, Red Hood has done little else.

First off, this may just be me being pedantic but I’m ALWAYS going to go fetch a grain of salt before continuing reading anything that pits Jason against his brothers in a war of his moral ambiguity against their strait-lacedness. Because to me, that’s just a fundamentally shallow view of the Batfam that caters to the idea that they each must have their own distinct niche in order to be fully viable individual characters, when a) no, and b) they don’t fit neatly into the niches people keep trying to slot them into and it never ends well for anybody. 

Like Jason is morally ambiguous in a lot of ways too, yes, but umm, even if we assume that the writer is only speaking of Dick, Tim and Damian, we’re talking a guy who beat the Joker to death with his bare hands and has ten assassins and mercenaries on his speed dial and who co-led the Outsiders, a guy who was deeply immersed in weighing the pros and cons of getting revenge for his father by getting Captain Boomerang killed and is forever being DMed by Ra’s because he’s convinced he can get Tim to say He Has Some Points Actually, and the kid who was an assassin with a body count by age ten and who has struggled constantly ever since his debut to define his OWN personal view of morality that is not wholly predicated on what he was taught by any single individual.

And this is a big part of where I part ways with the article, because I think it falls into the same trap that a lot of people do by believing fanfic is inherently better by doing the same thing from just a different angle. Fanfic CAN be better than the canon, I absolutely believe that, I believe it is at times, but to do so, it has to like, BE BETTER. It has to do things differently, and not just paint a slightly different veneer over the same things. Like, pedantic though it might be, I outlined the above issue because its a mode of thinking the canon absolutely falls into again and again, and just like the writer of that article themselves, like....I think fandom as a whole is no different? 

Like, yes there are great stories about Jason out there, some writers have done great and interesting things with him, but that doesn’t mean there’s not a huge trend in fandom of doing the exact same thing I see here.....which is honestly a huge part of the exact same problem the article is decrying canon for......LIMITING Jason (and all the Batfam) by reducing them and their stories to finite niches as a way of spotlighting them as different from their siblings.....except they’re not that different! And that’s okay! They don’t have to be! Families can have lots in common, families DO have lots in common due to like.....shared variables during their formative years. 

I mean Jason was heavily influenced by environmental factors in how and where he grew up before he ever met Batman, but like the article goes into itself, he was no less influenced by Bruce himself as his father figure.....which is something he absolutely has in common with his siblings, thus its not hard at all to see how his siblings could have similar complexities and moral struggles that stem from trying to reconcile Bruce’s influence with the many other things and people that have influenced their childhoods.

And similarly, while the article is dead-on about Jason’s stagnancy....this is something that applies in equal measure to the rest of his family, because they’re all facing the same issues in terms of how DC views and utilizes them, and fandom as much as it likes to condemn DC for doing just that....frequently does the same thing. Like, Jason’s stuck in canon, absolutely......but Dick keeps being popped out into his own microcosm to experience a couple years of stories that essentially turn him into completely different characters isolated from every communal part of his character’s history, and then ERASE everything that’s happened at the end of each of these stories and reset him to square one.....and that’s just a different kind of stagnancy that again, still never allows for actual character progression or development. Tim has LITERALLY been regressed back to Robin, like a hard reset that’s its own kind of stagnancy and Damian has had years of character development upended just to kick him back to where he started, effectively strip away all the connections he’s developed at least in any meaningful way, etc.....and the same holds true for Babs and Cass and Steph and even Bruce himself IMO, in a lot of ways.

Its absolutely a problem, but its a problem that extends far beyond just Jason even if he is a great example of it. And its also a problem that extends into fic itself, and that’s why I don’t agree with a lot of the conclusions that article draws beyond just the fundamental “these characters need to be allowed access to a full range of emotions.”

Yes. That. That right there, THAT I think is crucial, but I think that writer needed to widen the scope a little to take in the full impact of what that actually MEANS for the characters....so as to not accidentally repeat the same problem they’re being critical of by essentially arguing for a full range of emotions for Jason....while still defining or viewing Jason through a finite lens of “the more morally ambiguous Bat character, at least as compared to his brothers.”

Because its that last part that’s so detrimental, because it seems like such a little thing at first, until you realize that essentially its just putting a ceiling, a cap on how far those full ranges of emotions can be expressed. Like the problem with Dick Grayson in canon and fanon is NOT that he can’t be written with a full range of emotions.....its that his character absolutely can encompass a wide range of opinions and viewpoints and emotional stances from “I don’t believe in killing as a first option” to “I absolutely can, will, and have beaten a damn clown to death for joking about murdering my brother”.....and he can still walk away as Dick Grayson after expressing both those things, because his character is big enough to include them both. HE’S not limited as a character, its canon writers and fandom writers that both heap artificial limitations of their OWN on him, say that his character is so defined in such a specific way that there’s no way for the latter expression of his character to actually be IN character.....and the fatal flaw here is fully fleshed out characters are never just one thing. They don’t fit in niches anymore than people do, and notice the problems we all run into when we try and pigeon hole people as being just one thing, like humans can’t be contradictory or act against their own self-interest or be hypocritical or evolve or even regress past prior viewpoints....basically, any time you try and sum up a human being in one line, no matter how accurate that description is, there’s still SOME things that are going to be left out of that picture. 

Now, these things don’t always have to matter that much, like if I look at a serial killer and say that’s a serial killer, like, I might be leaving out of the picture that once he helped an old lady across the street and didn’t kill her and he doesn’t even know why, and I for one, simply do not care that I leave that out of the picture. Its irrelevant to the big picture for me. I can acknowledge that it adds a smidgen of nuance to that particular picture and then go yeah but also I don’t care, nuance denied.

But in terms of fictional characters, these things that get left in the discard pile when we try and sum up characters as just one thing, like, they can be hugely significant, because characters unlike real people, are simply WHAT WE MAKE OF THEM. That stuff that’s been left out of the big picture look at that character because its stuff most people to DEFINE what that character looks like have deemed irrelevant....its still there, and still perfectly relevant for anyone who wants to pick that stuff up and make something of it, use it to change the overall picture or even just point to ways and places that picture can absolutely encompass and include these other elements and STILL fundamentally be that same picture, that same character.

And this isn’t to say that characters can never be written out of character, its to say that usually IMO what ACTUALLY makes the difference between something being out of character and something just being an unexpected but still valid character choice is just.....how these things are executed. The latter is when writers make the effort to JUSTIFY their character choice, to sell audiences on why and how this is absolutely something this character would do, to take them on a journey of what led the character to making this choice and let them see how those steps actually line up, that’s an actual journey that character might take. The former is when writers just don’t bother and are just like, well here’s a thing that character did, and you know it was in character because well that’s the character and that’s what I wrote them doing lol, what more do you want. No. Yawn. Next.

But the trick is if you’re going to try and make a character a SPECTRUM of emotions and choices rather than just a same datapoint recurring over and over again endlessly, a literal sticking point that never advances, never progresses, never changes......you have to actually give that character free range to utilize that spectrum of emotions and choices.....not just confine them to accessing all those possibilities but ONLY within a narrowly defined niche that is its own kind of limitation.

A character can START from a logline, absolutely. Can BEGIN in a narrative niche as a way to INTRODUCE them as seemingly different from their surroundings or their peers when they do not yet have the backstory, the evidence of past stories and character choices readers can use to interpret their actions or guess their choices.....but narrative niches, IMO, are meant to have a shelf life, an expiration date. They’re a seed for characters to grow FROM, to grow PAST, not return to over and over again.....because that’s when a niche just becomes another house that stagnancy built.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and the article mention.....it was an interesting exploration of thoughts for me even if I didn’t ultimately agree with a lot of what was already said....still a worthwhile read though I think and I mean hey, its cool if you still agree with it more even if I don’t, lol. This is just my take.

[trashmagines]

You’re Awful, I Love You: Jason Todd x Female!Assassin!Reader

TrAshy Says: You guys can’t seem to get enough of Jason and neither can I tbh. Yes, this title is totally the name of a LUDO album. It’s a not a song fic but while you’re reading it might be fun to listen to Love Me Dead ;) Also, let it be known that I don’t know shit about guns, but I tried. We cool? We cool. <3

Warnings: Reader has killed people, guns, some violence, alcohol mention, one drunk dude, long as fuck (to me anyway)

You watch through the end of your scope as the Bat effortlessly takes down yet another armed thug. As far as you can tell, Gotham is one big cesspool that Batman is just trying to clean up. You’re almost, almost sad it has to be this way; that you have him as a target. Nevertheless, money talks, and you’re being paid well to do a job, not get emotional. 

Batman finishes off the last of his adversaries, his back facing you. At this point he’s practically begging you to take the shot, and you’re about to when you’re suddenly thrown to the ground face first. A swift kick to your torso knocks the wind out of you, and you feel a large weight settle on your lower back.

“Don’t struggle; I’d hate to have to mess up such a beautiful face.”

Robin. How the fuck did you forget about Robin? You feel some kind of tie enclose around your wrists while you’re mentally chastising yourself for not factoring in boy wonder, and the sensation makes you groan internally. A pair of boots enter your field of vision, and you look up to meet the eyes of the man in the Batsuit. Great. 

They haul you off to what you assume is the Batcave; Batman leading you to an interrogation room like the prisoner you currently are, and Robin dropping off your equipment before joining you both. Under the intense fluorescent lighting, they can see just how young you appear to be, a fact that seems to trouble Batman by the look in his eyes. He asks the standard questions: who are you, who hired you, and why would you do this? Your exasperated sighs and eye rolls are his only answers; like you’re really going to tell him any of that. 

Unfortunately, some state-of-the-art facial recognition technology exposes a good chunk of your history, including your name. You’re an assassin, bounty-hunter, murderer-for-hire; if it has to do with capturing, killing, and money, you’ve probably dabbled in it. Batman rapidly scans your extensive rap-sheet while Robin eyes you with the cockiest smirk you’ve ever seen on a person. God, you can’t decide if you want to kiss him or choke him out. 

“I’d like to make you a deal, Y/N.” “A deal? You’re aware that I was this close to murdering you, right?” “I know, but you didn’t.” “Yeah, your sidekick showed up.”  “You had ample opportunities before that. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’d been watching me for some time. You most likely had plenty of openings; shots you could have taken but didn’t.” “I was waiting for the perfect moment and got interrupted.”

You’re lying. Batman knows it, Robin knows it, and you know it. Sure, you were about to shoot before Robin intervened, but Batman was right, you’d had plenty of openings beforehand and hadn’t utilized any of them. 

“From this list of confirmed kills, I can tell you usually only go after the worst of the worst. Someone most likely offered you an amount of money you couldn’t refuse, so you took this assignment. You don’t seem like a bad person, Y/N, and I think you could be a valuable asset to me.” “Are you... offering me a job?” “That’s exactly what I’m doing. In exchange for becoming one of the good guys, I won’t throw you in Arkham for trying to kill me. Do we have a deal?”  “...Deal.” 

Six months later 

“You’ve got to stop drawing your gun on me when I come into your room!” “Then stop sneaking in through the fucking window and use the door! We live in the same mansion Jason, it makes no sense!” 

You lowered your shotgun and glared at the messy haired boy standing in front of you. You were getting ready for bed when he oh so graciously decided to drop in unannounced again, prompting you to grab your emergency weapon. He didn’t notice the look on your face as his eyes were too busy roaming your uncovered legs. 

“Jason,” you huff, pinching the bridge of your nose. “What do you want?” “Oh, Bruce wants us to do some undercover work together.” 

It was then you noticed the manila folder he was holding. You took it from him and rapidly scanned through the information. Apparently the police department was holding an appreciation dinner, because that’s really what Gotham city needs right now, and you and Jason were to go and pose as a couple for extra protection. 

“What dipshit decided having a bunch of cops in the same place was a good idea?” “Don’t know. But it’s tomorrow night so I’ll pick you up at six.”

That stupid smirk you’d grown fond of was plastered on Jason’s face and you shoved him towards your door with a loud proclamation of ‘Good night, Jason.’ He took the hint and left, shutting you door softly behind him. It had been a little over six months since you’d tried to fulfill the hit on Bruce, and though you could say your life was better, adapting to the high standards Bruce had was difficult. Even though beating and occasionally maiming was okay, he had a strict no killing policy that you constantly struggled with. Still your combat skills, which were already well developed when you’d first met, were steadily increasing and you were quite handy when it came to finding intelligence on the latest criminal schemes. You couldn’t exactly say you were “one of the good guys”, but having a consistent place to lay your head and stable income were two major pluses of your new life.

The following day, Jason was at your door at six sharp, dressed in what he liked to call a monkey suit. You did one last mirror check before opening your door, Jason’s mouth involuntarily falling open as you did. You were wearing in a knee length black dress that had a deep V neckline and lace cap sleeves. Your black suede pumps clacked against the floor as you walked past him, simply wanting to get this protection detail over with. 

The ride to the banquet hall was quiet; your eyes scanning the city outside of the window and Jason’s eyes scanning you. When you reached your destination, you both went over your cover story before exiting the car. Bruce had eyes on the situation through cameras that had been stealthily placed in advance. Jason took your hand and led you into the building, already not liking the way all eyes fell on you as you entered. He led you to the bar so that you both could pretend to talk and determine if there were any threats present. 

You had been at the bar for about an hour and a half, Jason leaving your side about thirty minutes in to mingle and blend with the crowd as best he could. There had been no suspicious activity during that time and you almost wished something would happen so you wouldn’t have to hear anymore ‘pat-me-on-the-back-I’m-so-great’ speeches. 

“Hey, beautiful.”

Be careful what you wish for. 

You turn to look at the man that has just taken the seat on your left. You recognize him as one of the pricks that droned about how much he was helping make the city a better place despite never having actually done anything. He smells like he just took a bath in Budlight and you have to stop yourself from recoiling.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing sitting here all alone?”

Oh. He’s bold. 

“I’m not alone, I’m with my boyfriend.” 

Right on cue, Jason slides an arm around your waist and lightly kisses your cheek. You know you’re supposed to be pretending, but you can’t deny that you’re enjoying the faux affection. 

“Everything okay, babe?”  “Mhm. Just making light conversation.” 

Budlight man looks like he’s trying to set Jason ablaze with his stare, but then he turns back to you, his hand itching closer to the one you have resting on the bar. 

“Wouldn’t you rather be with a man than with a boy?”

Oh. He’s BOLD bold. 

The arm that’s around your waist tightens reflexively, and when you face Jason you see a glint in his eye. He wants to break this guy’s neck almost as much as you want to, but you have a much better idea in mind.

You turn the bar stool so that your whole body is facing Jason, uncross your legs, and pull him to you so that you can kiss him hard. He responds immediately, hands coasting down your sides before gripping your hips and pushing your bodies closer together. He kisses you breathless, his tongue exploring your mouth and battling yours for dominance. He knows that you’re letting him kiss you like this, and that shift of power makes him groan against your lips. You pull away smiling and then return your attention to the man that had been hitting on you. He looks beyond pissed and a tad embarrassed and you revel in it.

“Does that answer your question?” 

Budlight man stalks away, probably mumbling some derogatory comment about you since he couldn’t have what he wanted. You look back at Jason and when your eyes meet, you notice that his pupils are blown wide. 

“You know that was purely for the sake of our cover, right?” “Mhm.” “Good.” 

You adjust your dress since Jason’s grabby hands had caused it to wrinkle, before turning your attention to all the inebriated cops you’re now basically babysitting. Jason’s standing on your right side, a hand comfortably resting just above your left hip. He leans in close to you, close enough for you to feel his warm breath hitting your neck. 

“You know that when we get home, I’m going to be the one that’s taking off your dress, right?”

You bite your lip at his declaration, ideas of how your night could play out already forming in your mind. 

“We’ll see.”

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

Christmas Bet: A Christmas gift to @ArendAlphaEagle

@arendalphaeagle

It was Christmas day, and no one was more excited than Milo Murphy and Amanda Lopez-Murphy.

 Because, well, they were sort of in a…

 “So, it’s time to find out who won our little bet!”, Milo called out, eyebrows wiggling as he looked at his wife on his side on their bed.

 Amanda, already turned too, taunted. “Came to see me win? I hope you’re dressed for my celebration, I’ve got a whole parade outside, waiting to declare my superiority!”

 Milo, already dressed, with a jumper that stated that he was “Number 1”, threw off the covers and jumped up. “I want to see you try!”

 Amanda got up too, fully dressed with a Jumper that pointed to his and said “Is me”, and grinned. “Bring it, Murphy!”

 They then kissed.

 “I love you”, she whispered flirtingly.

 “Yo también te quiero”, Milo whispered back with a wink.

 The two then ran off, like children on Christmas morning, ready for victory.

 Already up was the product of their happy union, Miguel Murphy, 9 years old and visibly confused as his parents shook him up awake.

 “Come on, Miguel! Wake up! It’s CHRISTMAS!”, Milo shouted, nudging his son awake.

 Amanda resorted to air horns. “It is equivocal that you WAKE UP, MIJO!”

 Miguel turned to his parents with an annoyed face. “Guys, a child needs 11 hours of sleep, and if my calculcations are correct…”

 “And they always are, light of my life!”, Amanda complimented.

 “Yes, well, then, it’s only been 10 hours. Please return in an hour before I am fully awake and forced to partake in “holiday joy” before my time.”, Miguel made air quotations before closing his eyes.

 Then, Murphy’s Law intervened, making his bedpost crack and run off.

 “CHRISTMAS, BABY!”, it cried, running down the stairs.

 Thankfully, his “Emergency Bed Post if Bed Post cracks and leaves to partake in “holiday joy” device worked perfectly!

 Miguel, grunting, rubbed his eyes and put his glasses on, which proceeded to wash his eyes with water.

“I’m up, I’m up…”, he regretfuly admitted, and fter much squeeing from his parents, he was taken downstairs to see his presents.

 Downstairs, Miguel immediately counted 5 presents, thanks to his A.I glasses “Assessing Familial Failings Like Endless Curse Kit” (or A.F.F.L.E.C.K for short, which is why it always spoke like Ben Affleck’s Batman).

 “3 PRESENTS FROM SANTA CLAUS, BUT TWO OTHERS ARE CLEARLY LACED WITH FAMILIAL GENETICS! IF ONLY ONE OF YOUR PARENTS WAS CALLED MARTHA, THEN I COULD REALLY RELATE!”

 “Thanks, A.F.F.L.E.C.K, that will be all. do please play some German Classical Music, circa 1897. It is introspective, and I need to introspect.”

 Miguel looked at the two humongus presents before him, towering over his small stature.

 They were so big, that even Milo and Amanda failed to reach.

 The two bright eyed faces, with wide smiles, awaited impatiently for Miguel to make a move.

 “…You gonna open your presents, little man?”, Milo asked, anxious.

 “Yes, please, Mijo! I need to know if I wo… I mean, if you like them.”

 Miguel looked back at the screen with a knowing look.

 “They think I have been fooled by such a trope. It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so pitiful.”

 Avoiding the 3 of the 5 trees that tried to crush him with immense ease, Miguel moved towards the presents, feeling the wrapping paper.

 Scratching his chin, as if in deep thought, he looked at his parents with a bored look. “Madre, Father, may you hand me my Christmas list, please?”

 He blushed furiously, flustered. “I would, but I can’t reach the place you put it on the fridge.”

 Milo ran out and gave it back, still grinning like an idiot.

 Miguel cleared his throat and adjusted A.F.F.L.E.C.K to translate it audibly to Czech, just to make it a little challenging.

 “Ahem. Well, if memory serves here, I requested 3 presents from Mr. Claus, clearly seen here. Does the jury see my exhibit as true?”

 Milo and Amanda nodded, still not noticing the point.

 Miguel then looked at the presents before him. “And these two other ones… Seem not to be on my list.”

 “…No, but we thought you deserved something extra, our love!”, Amanda said, pinching his cheek.

 After rubbing it, Miguel continued. “Well… There is no other reason?”

 Milo and Amanda gulped. He was on to them, but maybe they could fool him with an age old technique.

 “…What did you say?”

 Miguel face palmed and opened the presents at the same time, revealing the largest telescope in the world, that could see to the end of the universe and beyond (Milo) and a Time Period Broadcaster that showed you history as it happened, and in your very own living room (Amanda)!

 Milo and Amanda then began to brag.

 “I knew it! I knew he’d prefer a telescope! All the hints were pointing to it! Like when he said Telescope that one time! Was that a sneeze? Never mind, it was Telescope! I can’t WAIT to see you build it, son!”, Milo said, pride in his eyes.

 Amanda rolled hers. “Oh, come on! Is that really what he wanted? It’s clear that he wanted a chance to view history with no danger to himself! Our son is all about knowledge, but he wants to look to the past to improve the world! Didn’t you see him spell that out in his cereal?”

 “Actually, I was writing down a new symphony, but that’s besides the point.”, Miguel said, adding another 3 notes once he was done.

 Turning to his parents, he addressed them. “I am sure you want me to tell you who won…”

 “ME!”, Milo shouted, dancing in front of Amanda.

 “Oh, don’t you start trying to charm me! I’ll dance sexier!”, she said, mom dancing.

 Miguel sighed and turned on A.F.F.L.E.C.K.

 “WHAT IS THY BIDDING, MASTER?!”

 “Air horn protocol, please.”

 One loud air horn later, Miguel felt like he could actually talk to his parents.

 “Guys, look, I really do appreciate all this, and you are correct with your assumptions that I didn’t put my number one on the list, but well…”

 And now, while Milo and Amanda were surprised, Miguel felt a little… Shy.

 He was not much for emotions, but even child prodigy’s have to feel sometimes.

 “…I was kind of hoping for something else. I’m sorry if I sound very ungrateful, that is not what I intend.”

 “What were you hoping for?”, Milo and Amanda asked, and Miguel, who was busy storing the gifts (he was going to use them, even if they weren’t exactly what he wanted), walks over to them, very flustered.

 “Well… Due to understandable reasons, you two are very busy. And… Well…”

 He closes his eyes and forces it out.

 “I was hoping we could spend a quiet Christmas together! If that’s ok.”

 Milo and Amanda share a glance, the bet forgotten.

 And they hug their boy.

 “Most definitely, Mijo!”, Milo says, kissing his forehead.

 “There’s nothing I’d like more!”, Amanda adds, kissing him too.

 Miguel groans, wiping the kisses, but his “holiday joy” is clear.

 “…Thanks, guys.”

 He then sets A.F.F.L.E.C.K up again. “A.F.F.L.E.C.K, do put some festive music on. I am in the mood.”

 “AS YOU WISH, SIR!”

 Suddenly, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” starts playing, and Milo and Amanda get all kissy with each other.

 “Ce La Vie, I guess…”, Miguel shrugs, and smiles at his parents as Christmas begins properly.

[sagxbi]

Babybird Part Two (Batmom Reader)

Momma is home and she is angry. Reader’s superhero name in Whitehawk. Enjoy. I love feedback.

There was a drastic change in the winds from the desert to Gotham city- the most notable being that Gotham’s wind was bitter and tasted of salt, and the winds of the desert were hot and dusty. You found that you didn’t particularly care for either as you hid your face in the high collar of the thick winter coat you had slipped on. Unfortunately, there were many places you would rather be than the city or the desert for that matter, but Gotham was where duty called- where your emotions told you to go, and with the loss of your son so fresh, you couldn’t bear to ignore how you felt.

Despite it being well past midnight, there were still handfuls of people pushing their way between others, weaving in between cars and buildings, and hailing taxis. Though the sheer amount of people walking far too slow was insufferable, you were grateful that the crowds of people gave you something to blend into. Something to hide in. As you shuffled amongst the groups of Gothamites, you were simply a citizen, not someone who was supposed to protect the masses.

You slipped into the bar you had been searching for, immediately bright neon green and blue lights leaked into your vision, giving you pause. When the interior of the bar became visible to you, the search for the man that brought you there in the first place began. Pushing past the drunks, half-naked women and men, and waiters, there was suddenly a pull on your hips, to which you quickly glanced down, ready to slap a hand away, but it was merely a red velvet rope. You had reached the back of the bar. A shout came from the left of you, capturing your attention rather rudely- but what else could you expect from a place like the one you found yourself in.

The man who had yelled stood well over six foot, and his suit hugged tightly to his broad shoulders, the sleek pistol in his pocket glistened in the dim lights of the room. Surely, most would be intimidated by a man such as that, but you found his presences merely an annoyance. A dog sent to retrieve you? You scoffed but had no choice but to trail after the man, heels stomping on the ground loudly.

The guard came to a stop in front of dark green curtains that concealed the meeting room, refusing to enter, much to your satisfaction. Shoving aside the material, your nose scrunched up at the smell of cigars. A burning sensation that left your eyes watering slightly, and throat covered in a dissatisfying taste. The man, short and pale, sat slouched in his extravagant chair, embroidered with lavish looking jewels, and lace. It was a shame that such a lovely piece of furniture was in the hands of such a vile man.

“Such a rarity,” the Penguin squeaked, “that a Bird comes willingly into my cage.” Indeed it was, you supposed, but you were desperate. “It is bold, my girl,” he said in a groan. You weren’t fond of being mocked, but there was no time, and this was no place, to mouth off with the indignant man. You took a seat in a much more dull chair beside him, elbows placed on the table with your chin in your palm.

“I will transfer the money, and you give me the information, that was the deal, correct?” you said, wanting to get out of the wretched bar as soon as you could, even if that meant skipping over the details. Cobblepot hummed, inhaling through the cigar he held between his red-stained fingers.

Before you had thought of entering the bar in the first place, you had sent a letter, proposing the money for the information you desired. Weeks later, you received a letter in return- he had accepted if you agreed to meet with him. And there you sat, a frown gracing your lips.

“To the point? Well, do you not know any better?” he said, leaning back. You did, but you had to move fast before the information went stale.

“Actually I do, so if I were you, I’d be careful,” you said hotly. You were in a hurry, not stupid. Smarter than the man you sat next to, but not to underestimate him either- he was anything but an idiot. The man laughed bitterly.

“The money?” he inquired, an eyebrow raised. You rolled your eyes, rummaging through the coat pocket for your phone, where you then confirmed the transfer. You showed the old man the information quickly, before shoving the phone back into its previous place. Penguin nodded quietly.

You waited for him to speak, a hand clenching the wooden side of the table. More smoke poured from his mouth, the smell harsh.

“The Blackbrick factory filled to the brim with his...goons. Maybe the blonde was there with him, I don’t frankly care. He looked mad as ever, stupid as well. No idea what the fool was up to, but it seems to me that you don’t care about that. What do you care so much about?” Penguin said, a dark eyebrow raised. He was crossing a line, and beyond that line were things you didn’t wish to discuss- especially with Oswald. When no further words were exchanged, he continued. “Who knows when he will move again if he even will. But the man is erratic, and the Big Bat seems- lazy. As of late. Good for me, not for you. And whatever you are planning on doing tonight, I sincerely hope it ends with the Joker disappearing for good.” And with that, you began the trek to Blackbrick factory.

It was hard to see from your vantage point in the rafters of the factory, but it would have to make due. There was a surprising lack of hiding places to take cover in the building and an absurd amount of thugs that wore masks similar to the clown himself. Cocky, you thought, he had done no such thing before you had left the city. Apparently Batman’s lack of attention as of late upset Joker.

The man, face painted white, marched across his makeshift stage, above the mass of thugs. He was wailing about something hysterically, none of which you could hear, and you didn’t particularly want to. His voice brought a growl out from the back of your throat. Harley stood behind him, her finger twirling in a blonde curl, a laugh of her own echoing off the stone walls. You stared intently at the two, like an animal hunting its prey. But your attention was quickly brought upward, to the opposite end of the room from where you were, on a separate vantage point.

Yellow, green, and red. Those were the colors that you saw that were so incredibly familiar, and painful. For what felt like an unreasonable amount of time, you couldn’t breathe. The air refusing to come out of your lungs, distracting you from the burning at your eyes. A pounding feeling at your chest and weak muscles came over you and weren’t sure if it was from the lack of oxygen or the feeling of utter despair. It couldn’t be. He was gone.

The colors moved in flashes as the small figure swung about the room. Closer and closer to you until he rammed directly into you, distracted by the thugs that were becoming rowdy, and excited by the words of the Joker. Before you could think about what you were doing, you grabbed the person roughly and proceeded to grapple back out of the factory- forgetting about what you had gone there to do. The child, you guessed from the sound of his voice, struggled against you, and eventually wiggled out of your hold, but you were already on the roof, away from the thugs.

You stared at him, eyes scanning over his suit- his Robin suit. He was small, but not as small as Dick and your son had been. It wasn’t hard to be larger than Jason, anyway, the boy had been malnourished his whole life.  He was older, maybe thirteen. Fourteen. The usual Robin age. As you stared at him, and he stared back wordlessly, your blood began to boil all over again. Not at the boy, but at the man you knew was responsible for him. Another one? Another child brought into the fight? Had he learned absolutely nothing? You wanted to scream but that would have brought unwanted attention. You had been so involved in your own thoughts you barely heard the words Robin spoke to you.

“A-are you, Whitehawk?” he said, voice unsteady. You relaxed the stare when you realized he was scared. You nodded. You wore your old suit that had been used back in the days of fighting alongside Batman. It had long since been retired, as you gave up crimefighting a year before you met Jason. The occasion called for a proper suit, however. But now you figured you weren’t going to get to use it. The boy's eyes visibly widened under his mask.

“Wait, you’re back? When did you get home?” he spoke to you as if he knew you. Naive. Bold. Young. You decided to humor the boy.

“A few hours ago, but I am not staying,” you said, and he frowned. He sat on the corner of the roof, peering through a broken window as to not lose track of the Joker.

“That sucks. We could use help here, with Batgirl and all,” he said, trailing off. You cocked your head to the side.

“What about Batgirl?” You inquired.

“Can’t be Batgirl in a wheelchair. She is Oracle though, and that’s cool.” Robin said. For the second time that night, the air got caught in your throat.

“What?” You choked out, hands balled into fists. Things only get worse in Gotham, you thought grimly. Robin glanced up at you, now his confusion mirroring yours.

“You don’t know? Nobody told you?” he questioned, sounding perplexed.

“Know what, Robin?” you said, voice cracking. He paused, rubbing at his nose with the back of his hand.

“Joker shot her,” he spoke quietly, and you felt tears slip down your cheeks, under your mask. “He paralyzed her.” For a moment you felt guilty, but for what? Leaving Gotham without taking the kids with you? They would never willingly leave, they have a fascination with the city that you don’t share. A connection. You only harbor hatred for the grim place. The anger which you had felt all night somehow managed to get hotter. You knew coming back was a mistake, but it was too late to leave. Another child as Robin, Barbara paralyzed, and the Joker still breathing. You were stuck in Gotham now.

You had previously had second thoughts about offing the Joker, but you felt clear certainty now. You would choke the life out of him with your bare hands if you had to, and if anyone tried to stop you, they would regret it.

“Go home, Robin. I’ll take care of the factory.” You demanded, picking yourself up off of the cold roofing. Robin stood up as well.

“I don’t know, Boss said I need to be here,” he said, his voice unsure. You moved to where he stood, shoving him back slightly, away from the edge.

“Go, now. If it was so important he would be here.” You growled, readying your grapple again, finger on the trigger. But before you could pull it back, your shoulder was roughly yanked back, pulling you away from the edge roughly. You angerly steadied yourself, hurriedly pulling a throwing knife out of your utility belt. The black mass that stood in front of you, leering over, frowned at you. Robin stood behind him, cowering down slightly.

“I am here, (Y/N),” Batman spoke harshly. He was using his intimidation voice, which annoyed you to no end. You tightened your grip on the knife.

“Not the fight I was expecting,” you spoke slyly, “but I’ll take it.”

[foslad]

Almost Too Good (A Chris Evans Story): Part 15 - 1/2

A/N: Not quite the Monday I promised, but it’s better than four months later, right!? ANYHOO, enjoy this two-parter you lovely diamonds!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LA was not a place I could ever consider home. Under any circumstances.

Sure it was a nice place to visit, spend some time with people you’ve come to know over the years, visit the attractions, etc. But to live? Hell no.

As I finally got round to unpacking the last of the clothes I had brought with me, I did my best to try and think of the positives around me.

Credit where it’s due, my rented apartment was very nice. Small, but it had a comfy living room/kitchen/dining space that was full of warm tones and the bedroom had everything I needed, even an en-suite.

I liked that it had a breakfast bar and that if I had people over, I could talk to them from the kitchen. The only down side to that of course is that the only ‘people’ to have actually visited so far have just been a solo Amy…

Even then it was because she’d rented the apartment a couple of floors below me to stay close in case I needed anything.

I took my eyes off of the clothing in front of me and gazed out of the window.

The one thing that did make up for it all however, was the view.

At night, my favorite thing to do was go out onto the tiny balcony that was home to two steel chairs with cushions laced onto them and watch as the view sparkled and stayed alive no matter what time it was. The lights reminded me of NYC and in its own little way, they made this place feel a little more welcoming. I’d sit out there most nights and just reflect on the past few weeks.

My time with my sister Gracey had been interesting, to say the least. What is it about siblings and the insistent need to butt into every aspect of your life, no matter what age you are?

Each night I was there, I found myself planted at her dining room table with a glass of something strong in front of me as she and her fiancé Oscar rallied off a list of people that they knew who “would be so perfect” for me. And whilst I could understand that they only wanted to help and see me get back onto the dating wagon after so long, all I really wanted to do was hop back on the plane that brought me there in the first place and go home and barricade myself in a blanket fort and not think about men or dating ever again.

Even now, having been in LA for a couple of weeks, I was still finding it hard to adjust. Maybe if I knew more people it’d help. What’s worse was that I didn’t even have my one visitor Amy at the moment after she flew home with my blessing for a couple of weeks to help nurse her boyfriend Corey, who’d broken both his arms after getting hit by a car late last week, back to health. The whole thing had been very traumatic and had really shaken Amy; to the point where I could tell her priorities in life had shifted, drastically.

Having said that, whilst I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, it did mean I was pretty much out here by myself. It wasn’t necessarily the idea that I was missing her as my assistant, but I never realized how much I valued her company until it wasn’t around.

I mean, I knew some people out here, mainly old co-stars and such, but I’d feel so uncomfortable reaching out; like “Hey long time no speak, just checking in to let you know that I’m now in LA and I’m lonely and desperate for friends. K. Call me back. Byyyeeeee.” or something.

I shivered at the thought. No.

Come on, less negativity and more clothes folding positivity Adrian.

At least work was going well! That, I had to admit, I was pleased about. Every day when I’d arrive on set, I felt like pinching myself.

Ben Affleck.

What a dream…

He made it seem like directing and starring in your own movie was a walk in the park and transitioned between the two parts flawlessly during and after each take. With every day that passed, I gained more and more confidence under his direction and I was proud of the little improvements I’d made in such little time already.

This role was unlike anything I’d ever done before. For a while now, I had been so ready to break free of the romantic/teen/rom-com typecasting I’d fallen into in my younger years and transition into more gritty roles that really challenged me. Midsummer was a good start, but The Eyes of Nobody was exactly what I needed to prove that I could actually act beyond a few pouts here and there.

Pulling my sweater up onto my shoulder after it had fallen down for what felt like the millionth time today, I looked away from the pile of clothes in front of me and saw that it was starting to get dark out. I decided to do my nightly ritual of closing all of my blinds before making myself a cup of green tea. (I had made a conscious effort to give up coffee in order to help my sleeping pattern and I was damn well going to stick to it).

Going around, one by one, I began to close the world off from my little hideaway, making sure to leave the one in my bedroom for last.

As I made my way past the double bed and towards the far corner, I mentally prepared myself for the image that should’ve probably sunk in by now, but hadn’t.

I slowly reached the destination of the window ledge and despite curling my fingers around the pull string, I paused. Like always.

In some cruel twist of fate, each morning and night, I was greeted by a pair of glittering blue eyes from the billboard across the street. The face was bathed in a warm spring glow as a pair of very familiar hands draped themselves around his chiseled features.

Gucci Guilty – Pour Homme

The New Fragrance for Him

Rolling my eyes, I let out a sigh as I let blackness slide his face out of my view. Goodnight Chris. See you in the morning “bud”.

Our promise to stay friends had equated to pretty much radio silence.

In fact, I’d spoken more to his brother than I had to him.

I’d exchanged a few texts here and there with Scott after he had acquired my number from Chris to apologize for having called me so late that one night and how all he wanted to do, after Chris eventually told him we’d actually cooled things, was build a wall of shame around himself to ‘contain how extra I am sometimes’. Although it wasn’t long before we were making political jokes about the actual image of that and how people would be coming to him for wall building advice because of how extra they were…

Other than that, however, not a thing with the other Evans brother.

Except, of course, our nightly stare down. And that was how it was to remain I guess.

-

‘Hey Adrian, can I get a sec?’

I inwardly wept as Marco, the production assistant on set, caught me just as I was about to dive into a delicious bowl of hot vegetable soup I’d acquired from the craft table. ‘Ben wants to see you in his trailer.'

After a quick and insincere “no problem”, a sloooooow placement of the soup back down onto the table, a fond look of regret as I walked away, I eventually set off towards the boss’ gaff that resided on the other side of the set that had been built for the day.

I was pleased with the working relationship I had gained with Ben over the past few weeks and so my mind couldn’t help but wander to the task at hand and what this could possibly mean. Was I in trouble? Why in his trailer? We’d been very open with each other up until now and I just prayed I hadn’t done anything to screw this opportunity up.

I wringed my hands together and pressed the creases in my outfit down as the silver of his trailer came into my peripheral. I strode up to it and, taking a deep breath, I knocked in a rhythmic pattern until a quiet ‘come in’ reached my ears.

-

‘I’m just gonna get right to it, because I’m not one to beat around the bush.’ His strong Boston accent resonated around the trailer as he clasped his hands together onto the desk and leaned forward to look at me properly. His stance was doing nothing to subside my worries and I could feel the tension starting to build in my stomach.

‘You’ve really impressed me Adrian.’ Okay, good start… ‘I can see you’re a good actor. You’re versatile, you take feedback on board, your nice to cast and crew alike’ Mhmm… ‘I like you a lot.’ He finished off.

Despite the slew of compliments, I could tell he wasn’t saying them just for the sake of it.

‘So, having said that… I have a proposition for you.’ He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over, studying me closely. ‘After this project is done, I’m directing and starring in a movie that is part of a series of movies..’

Without missing a beat, I knew exactly what this mysterious series was. The new Batman and Justice League movies, of course! I had been one of the few to actually really enjoy the last Batman v Superman movie. I had gone to see it with my brothers and their children and it hurt to recall that it had probably been the last time I’d properly spent time with any of them.

Through the silence, he retained eye contact for a moment before he reached down into his desk drawer and pulled out a small stack of white documents. I watched as he carefully unraveled the binding that held them together and as he slid one of them across the desk towards me, the blinding red “CONFIDENTIAL” took my attention. Wait… He wasn’t…

SHAYERA HOL/HAWKGIRL

I was frozen on the spot. He isn’t seriously….

‘To cut to the chase - I want to put your name forward for this role.’

He is. Holy shit, he is.

‘Let me just preface, before we get too excited, if you decide to accept my offer, it’s just talks. You’ll still have to audition and test, which can be a hefty process Adrian, I’m not gonna lie and even then, there is zero guarantee you’ll actually get the part. I don’t have much say in this, I’m just the “messenger”, if you will.’

I could feel my head nodding but it wasn’t necessarily corresponding with what was going on inside my brain. I literally couldn’t corroborate my thoughts down to one emotion. Not being able to differentiate between excitement, fear and sheer perplexity, was quickly becoming my biggest battle.

‘I know this is a pretty big deal and I’m well aware you haven’t done any franchise work before, so why don’t you take this,’ he picked up the CONFIDENTIAL document and physically handed it to my slightly shaking hands, ‘have a read over lunch, show NO ONE, and let me know what you think.’

-

Even now as I sat in my trailer, I felt as though I didn’t have the strength to even pick up the paper.

Shayera Hol/Hawkgirl

As I gazed at the name, a warming sensation washed over me and I was instantly transported back to my younger years, sitting in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. There was a cartoon adaptation of Justice League on at the time and despite most of them being a little too old for it, my siblings and I would sit and watch it on the tiny TV we had on the wall whilst we got ready for school.

And Hawkgirl had been my favorite..

I didn’t even know where to begin in terms of processing what the hell just happened. I felt like I needed to talk to someone about this. To hear my own voice blurt it out as a means of verification this was not a dream!?

Different names swirled in my head but none seemed like the right person to call. Amy was busy with Corey no doubt, Magda would read me the riot act on how if I passed this up, I may as well die, Mom and Dad would be clueless….  None of them felt like the right person to call…

Against my better judgement, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and drew up a now dormant number.

A: This is so random, I know, but are you busy right now? No worries if you are, but I could really do with some honest advice x

Tapping my phone against my chin, I was thankful that I didn’t have to wait long for a response.

-Of course! Did you wanna call me?

A: I have 35 minutes, now a good time?

-Fire away.

It took me a few seconds to finally build up the courage to actually press the call button, but the loud, ticking, clock in my trailer told me that I was just wasting time.

‘Well this is a nice surprise…’ He mused upon answering.

I gave a little nervous laugh before emitting the most awkward ‘Heeey’ imaginable.

‘Your advice guru awaits..’ He joked. ‘What’s up sport?’

‘Okay, I don’t have very long but I just really feel like I need to talk to someone about this before I give Ben an answer.’ I let out in one breath, my jitters plain to see (or hear in this case).

‘An answer to what?’

I took one more deep breath, trying, and failing, to calm myself down from the building anxiety in my stomach.

‘Do you ever have those days where you’re just sat there, minding your own business, so excited to eat some soup and then all of a sudden your boss intervenes by throwing you a curve ball and asking to put your name forward as a candidate to be a part of his franchise film series!?’

‘Ben!?’ He asked, surprised. ‘We talking DC here?’

‘He’s given me a tiny sliver of the Justice League script that focuses on Hawkgirl…’

‘Fuck me! Adrian that’s huge!’ To his credit, he sounded genuinely delighted.

‘I know it is! It’s SO big and I’m so… little. I don’t know if I can do this!’ I put my hand up to my forehead to somehow stabilize myself.

‘Of course you can! Adrian this is a huge opportunity for you, think what it could do for your career!’

‘If I wanted that answer, I would’ve called my agent.’ I deadpanned.

He gave a low laugh. ‘Fair enough. Point taken. Lay it on me, what do you want to know?’

My voice grew shy. ‘I’m so aware that this is a huge opportunity, I’m too aware. I have never even been in the stratosphere of a franchise before, never mind potentially be in one!? It seems so absurd and, beyond me!? I mean, think about it! I’m freaking out over a part I’m never going to get but even the thought alone is overwhelming me.’

‘Trust me Adrian, there is no one that knows what you’re going through right now better than me. I turned down Cap THREE TIMES before I finally accepted it. Can you believe that?’

‘Did you really?’ I pulled my legs up onto the couch and leant my head back onto the top of the sofa as I listened to his soothing voice.

‘I didn’t want to do it. At all. It scared the shit out of me and it made me feel uncomfortable to even think about the scale of it all.’

‘Exactly!’ I knew Chris was the right person to call. ‘What made you change your mind?’

‘It’s been batted around so much that it’s probably the cliché of all cliché’s but that Babe Ruth quote? You know the one. “Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.” It reeeallly resonated with me. It took a while but in time, I learnt to feed and grow off of my fear of this… thing. It’s insane, and now I look back and I’m like “how much would I be kicking myself if I hadn’t taken this chance and this opportunity?” It still scares me, even to this day, but fear is good. Fear pushes you to do things that you don’t feel comfortable doing, and I’ll tell you; when you overcome that fear? It’s pure ecstasy.’

I smiled, absorbing every word as though it was the oxygen I breathed.

‘You never know unless you try, right?’ He rounded off, his voice sweet like honey.

‘Thank you. You have no idea what hearing you say that has done for me.’ His words had helped me in ways I didn’t even think were possible when I’d been landed with this bombshell not ten minutes ago.

‘Ah, no worries, sometimes you just need someone who’s “been there-done that” to offer some advice.’

‘Exactly.’ I smiled. ‘This was just what I needed.’

After thanking him again and bidding him goodbye, I pressed end call.

With my new found confidence, I picked up the papers and began to read.

-

‘Yeah? You happy for me to put your name forward?’

I nodded, still feeling slightly shaky but a little more at ease after having spoken to Chris.

‘Before we can go ahead with anything, I can’t stress enough how confidential this is. You can’t talk about this to anyone Adrian. Not your parent’s, not siblings, not friends, not boyfriends, no one! This is strictly on a need-to-know basis. Anyone on your team who needs to know will be informed but other than that, this stays a secret. Capeesh?’

‘Absolutely.’ I lied. Well, damn. I’ve already fucked up.

‘A’rite great. It’s corporate bullshit, but there will be a confidentiality agreement to sign at some point but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.’ He smiled wide at me. ‘Well, good luck champ.’ He took the script back and locked it away back into the drawer that it came from originally.

He then clapped his hands together loudly. ‘Now then, chit-chat-paddy-wack time is over, back to work!’ He joked as he stood up, readying himself to shoot some more takes.

-

I flopped down onto my couch that night, exhausted from the emotional scenes I’d just wrapped, and hovered over a number on my phone. Surely Amy was one of those ‘need-to-know’ people, right? She’d be the one getting me there…

After my daily routine of asking how Corey and she were doing, I decided to take a leaf out of Ben’s book and not beat around the bush.

‘So you’ll never guess what happened to me today.’ I purred.

‘You made a friend?’ She joked, her voice sounding like a Mom picking up their child from day-care.

‘No. I’m still very much aloooone.’ I joked. ‘BUT….’ I regaled to her my encounter with Ben, from the moment I laid eyes on the vegetable soup to the closing of the drawer at the end of it all; taking care to leave out one minor detail…

‘ADRIAN! AHHH! THAT’S AMAZING! I MIGHT VOMIT!’ She squealed! ‘IN A GOOD WAY!’

After calming down, she stated the obvious. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t freak out!?’

‘I did!’ I laughed. ‘Trust me, I DID!’

‘I’m surprised you didn’t call me then!’

My laugh turned nervous almost. ‘Ha, yeah, well, I didn’t want to disturb you. And then.. I kinda wanted the opinion of someone who’s “been there-done that”, you know?’

‘So you talked to Ben about it?’ She queried.

‘Noooo…’ I trailed off. I felt fidgety all of a sudden, the skin on my thumbs suddenly becoming fascinating to me. She remained silent, waiting for me to finish. ‘… I called Chris.’

Her eyebrow arched. I wasn’t even in the same room as her, I had no visual on her face. But I knew. The brow was arched.

‘Did you now?’

I nodded even though she couldn’t see it, finally tearing my eyes off of the pesky piece of skin on my thumb.

‘And what did he have to say?’ Her tone was sickly sweet, rife with intrigue.

‘He was actually really helpful. He talked to me about what it was like when he was debating accepting Captain America and stuff.’

Not wanting her to make a big deal out of it, I began to wrap it up after that. I’d had a long day and listening to Amy go on and on about a dead romance wasn’t on my list of priorities right now. Besides, I had one more phone call to make…

As the dial tone began to resonate, I thought about what I was doing.

Why was I calling him? I could’ve easily just texted him to say “hey don’t tell people.” Maybe I’m bothering him if I call?

‘Hello again.’ A cheery voice greeted, breaking my train of thought.

‘Hey! I was just thinking about how I probably could’ve just texted you instead. You’re probably busy enough without me annoying you.’ I began to ramble, nervous off the bat.

‘No, not at all. I’m glad you called. How did it go?’

‘Well, I’m in the running at the very least.’ I gushed, my mind still having not fully processed it all.

‘Adrian you have no idea what this will do for your confidence. Regardless of the outcome, you’ve taken a risk and you should be proud of yourself. Not to toot my own horn, but it’s pretty awesome to even be considered. It’s not like they just let anyone audition.’ He paused for a second. ‘That sounded so pretentious didn’t it?’

‘Maybe a liiittle, but I get you.’ I chuckled.

‘So how have you been besides?’

‘I’ve been good. Working hard I guess. It’s a little overwhelming trying to do this Gucci trail alongside the long shooting hours, but I’m hanging in there. What about you?’

I pulled a faux fur throw from the bottom of the sofa up and tucked myself into it and leant my head against the soft cushions. I noticed that this had happened earlier too. Just listening to his voice was so calming to me. It felt so natural to talk to him.

‘Pretty much the exact opposite. I’ve been doing… fuck all basically.’

I laughed lightly and I could hear him crack one too.

‘Do you miss working?’ I smiled, wanting to hear him talk for as long as possible.

‘God no! I don’t really miss anything about LA.’

I could feel my bubble burst a tad as I was brought back to reality. Back to the realization that I had been dumped weeks ago and that I was still lamely hanging on to nothing. Stop fooling yourself Adrian.

I coughed a little to clear my throat and my mind, willing it to just skip right to the point before I started to look like an idiot. ‘Anyways, I was just calling because what I confided to you earlier… well, turns out that kind of information is top secret and I prooobably shouldn’t have talked to you about it. So if you could just keep that between us and save me from my own stupidity that would be great.’

‘Eh, I know how these things work, I’m an old hand at it now.’ He relayed, his tone still light and friendly. ‘Don’t worry Warner, your secret’s safe with me.’

‘Cool, thank you.’ I debated saying my next words for a couple of seconds but I guess my heart won out overall. ‘Seriously Chris, thanks again for talking to me about all of this. I really, really appreciated it.’

‘Ahhh, it was nothing.’ He replied softly. ‘I’m glad good things are happening for you.’

I was about to open my mouth and start my goodbyes when he rushed a statement out so quick I only barely caught what he’d said.

‘So, I’m, uh, back in LA next week to do a podcast for a friend of mine. You wanna grab some dinner? Catch up?’

My eyes popped. My brain was screaming. My hands wanted to flail like a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man. YES I WANTED TO HAVE DINNER. YES I WANTED TO CATCH UP.

‘Sure, sounds good.’ I replied coolly.

‘A’rite, solid. Shall we say Thursday? After you get off work?’

‘Thursday it is.’

-----------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Continued in 2/2

[strugglista-blog]

Most people will see this and ask, "The fuck you doing wearing a STRAW hat in November?" And I will respond, "Umm . . . hWhAt the fuck you doing NOT wearing a STRAW hat in Novembe—no good call this was a poor execution of judgment."

H&M Overcoat • Uniqlo shirt and jeans • Zara metallic pumps • Mango straw hat • Loeffler Randall purse

Y'all remember that season of Friends Monica waitresses at a 50s themed diner and wears fake boobs as part of her uniform, and then a billionaire (they say millionaire on the show, but we all know what's what) falls in love with her but she's all like, "Oh no no no, homeslice, I am not into you like that," but THEN she conveniently comes around and he flies her to Italy for pizza or whatever, but THEN they break up because he becomes an MMA fighter and she's like, "BOY, I CANNOT WITH YOU"? Yeah? Haha, good times, everything is a real possibility—just like living in rent controlled apartments with private terraces in the West Village, and being able to keep high-paying jobs that are never attended because of an egregious amount of coffee drinking—with no threat of caffeine overdose—being done all day instead. Super relatable.

Vintage shearling coat (Etsy) • Vintage Valentino linen dress (Detka Vintage) Vintage leather braided belt (childhood)  • Zara velvet platforms • Mango headband

I loved superheroes as a kid. Part of my Saturday morning routine, which I adhered to with the utmost devotion, was watching this revamped version of Batman called Batman Beyond, that was set in Neo-Gotham. It starred a curmudgeonly and aged Bruce Wayne, and a bratty high school kid who had assumed the responsibilities of masked vigilante. That show was wild, man. There was this one episode where gene splicing human DNA with animal DNA had become the new "getting ink done," and all these teenagers were full on running around Dr. Moreau style with tails and shit. Until, of course, "Batman" and Bruce Wayne discovered there were dangerous side effects to mixing people with animals (**shocking**). A chase was set in motion, battles ensued, and at the end of the episode, the criminal mastermind spliced himself with all the animals and transformed into a huge BOOGER WORM WITH RAZOR CLAWS AND NEEDLE TEETH, and then exploded because there was too much conflicting DNA in him or something, I don't remember exactly.

Anyway, here's a faux fur jacket.

Zara faux fur jacket and espadrilles • American Apparel denim vest • Vintage shift dress (Etsy) • Noir necklace

And here I am in a beret. A raspberry beret.

Fine, it's more of a wine color, but to be honest, that hue speaks to me on a deeper, emotional level.

Sorry, I mean a deeper, alcoholic level.

Uniqlo wool beret • H&M pile biker jacket, resin necklace, and lace-up platforms • J. Crew v-neck tee • Zara culottes

Ever worn something so tight you questioned if it did permanent damage to your uterus? No? Oh, well, good for you and your perfectly non-squished future children, I'm so happy for you.

H&M pile coat and patent skirt • Zara top, loafers, and purse • Banana Republic snake chain necklace

Well everything about this outfit seems weather appropriate.

Zara bodycon dress, velvet platforms, and earrings • Vintage lace trench (Etsy) • UO belt

Is the Jim Henson Company hiring? Tell them I can provide my own wardrobe.

Vintage silk top (Etsy) • Vintage silk pants (Etsy) • Zara leather and acrylic heels Forever 21 faux fur jacket • Vintage seed bead necklace (Housing Works)

[shepgeek]

Film Review of 2016

Disappointments

Since everyone seems so keen to dispatch 2016 asap, let’s start on the downers!

2016 has definitely had its occasional moments but we seem to be fast converging on a generic blockbuster soup. The year was littered with blockbusters which had both impressive visuals and charismatic performances but also had nothing new to say, beyond sticking a franchise marker in the ground (Doctor Strange, Fantastic Beasts, Ghostbusters, Kung Fu Panda 3, Warcraft, Jason Bourne, The Magnificent Seven & even the largely over-praised Civil War). Whilst all of these films passed the time well & were basically enjoyable, there is the ever-increasing whiff of missed opportunity around the primary Hollywood fare. Less successful were Independence Day: Resurgence (distracting but pointless) and X-Men Apocalypse - an uneven, florid and unexpected misfire, although nowhere near as far behind Civil War as was generally made out.

Meanwhile, over in the DC Universe, Warner Brothers kept fumbling what should be their easiest win. From a low start, Batman vs Superman fades badly on repeat viewings (even the ballyhooed Special edition). There are definitely no problems in their casting department and I remain a fan of Cavill; his mournful look in the courtroom is played magnificently. Ben Affleck’s Batman was expertly portrayed but bore almost no resemblance to the essence of the character that I for one love, delivering in his place a psychopathic fascistic jackass who was a far cry from the world’s greatest detective. How we’re supposed to root for him then or in the future is a mystery - I would honestly take Clooney’s portrayal over this. Poor Affleck - he delivers what he is given magnificently; blame the architects and not the builder. Gal Godot’s cameo keeps me hopeful that Patty Jenkins may just save the whole damned thing with Wonder Woman next year, but Warners are certainly running out of strikes. The idiotic shambles of Suicide Squad was only barely saved from one-star dreck by the huge charisma of Will Smith & Margot Robbie, and whatever spark the concept started with seemed produced and edited into manufactured oblivion. To make it worse, DC’s TV shows remain such charming and silly fun: I wonder how much appetite standard audiences still have for the upcoming JLA films.

Arrival came trumpeted with massive critical heraldry but I was greatly disappointed.  I found it derivative (Torchwood: Children of Men with the pilot & finale of DS9) and, as with The Martian and Interstellar, flirted with scientific ideas (which film reviewers mistake for “intelligence”) only to discard them for woolly sentimentalism. Only Zemeckis’ Contact reigns supreme in this expanding genre of science storytelling and, even though the performances in Arrival were compelling, the film (albeit decent) left me greatly frustrated.

Another smash hit that I did not care for was the Secret Life of Pets, a tedious and rambling Toy Story knock-off (though my daughter loved it so what do I know?) but nothing compares to the real disappointment of the year- Swiss Army Man.  My take was this: a smug, cold, flimsy and empty experience, it became the first film I’ve walked out of.  Ever.  In fact I did so about 5 minutes before the end, since I knew exactly where it was going and was so disengaged that it was only going to annoy me. I should add that I do like very much that the film exists and I could imagine friends and reviewers whom I respect loving it (as many did) but it bounced off me completely and ultimately left me irritated and even a little angry.

  Moments

In the midst of an uninspiring year for cinema, there were still a few moments which blazed through the repetitive fug & reminded me how joyous cinematic storytelling can be. Spielberg’s BFG had many such notes, from the visual poetry of the Giant silently twirling through the shadows of London to the childish joy of the whizzpopping Queen. Other moments of delight included the moment of “Hang on - are they doing this? - oh Yes They Are!” when the Beastie Boys’ bassline kicks in during the final act of Star Trek Beyond and, whilst The Revenant may have been a tad indulgent, the bear attack had me yelling at the screen.  Any scene featuring Flash the Sloth in Zootropolis was laced with comedic genius whilst our arrival in the city, combining Shakira’s perfect pop with gorgeous animated depth and colour, was magical. Ryan Gosling’s masterclass of toilet gunplay clowning in The Nice Guys was only topped comedically by the rampant and prolonged genius of the game of “Would that it were so simple” tennis in Hail Caesar! But narrowly pipping that for my cinematic moment of the year though, was Lord Vader himself.

I feel conflicted over Rogue One as ultimately it is yet another film which exists because it can, not because it needed to. To note the lack of comment about the unsettling fake Peter Cushing (squarely in the uncanny valley) after the shrieking which greeted the prequel trilogy’s “Dodgy CGI!” headlines perpetuates the accepted myth that those films are disasters to discard  but I see little difference.  Rogue One is another three star entry to the saga; I’d put it on a level with Attack of the Clones in terms of quality, ahead of Phantom Menace. Disney have a whole Galaxy to explore but choose to sustain the increasingly weird trend of aping preceding classics with an echo instead of trying out a new voice. Quite what Joss Whedon made of the final act is anyone’s guess: “the feisty rebels fight their way past a space armada (losing comedy relief Alan Tudyk along the way) to climb a radio antenna so they can send out the message to topple the evil empire” rang a few bells with me anyway. Rogue One also felt choppily re-edited (what was with the psychic space octopus?) whilst the new characters didn’t really land at all.  Indeed directly after leaving the cinema I (and all of my party) struggled to name any of the characters (Erm…. Jinn, the moustache guy, the blind guy, his mate, the pilot, Forest Whitaker, the funny droid, the small thing that looked like a testicle…).  Despite this problematic emotional deficit we were treated to some glorious set pieces and nicely pitched beats, but when Darth Vader’s lightsaber illuminates his terrifying visage we are treated to a moment of cinema as resplendent in its awesomeness as it was shamelessly gratuitous.  After my considerable mithering about not being able to share Star Wars with my children last year it was almost a relief to see such a grim conclusion (No Way is it suitable for under 10s) but it makes me return to my wondering of who Disney are making these films for.  Episode VII is rumoured to be “darker” still; where is the cheerful space-fairy-tale where we all started?  Eventually they’ll stray too far from Lucas’ indelible first film (still the finest of the lot, for me) and step back cinematically but they run the risk of increasingly diluting the specialness of the whole thing. The fun “Star Wars Rebels” TV show fills a bit of this gap but even that has clouds of doom in the background (although seeing Chopper & The Ghost in Rogue 1 was a nice touch). Maybe after the sad loss of Carrie Fisher last week now isn’t the time to whinge about gloom in the Star Wars Universe, but I feel that my love for the franchise is certainly starting to be tested.

The year in numbers

Number of films seen: 93

Way down on other years- I blame box sets).

Number of ***** films released in 2016 : 0

This happened in 2011 too, but I’d normally expect at least 3.

Number of 2016 releases seen: 32

 About par for the course.

Number of cinema trips:29

Again about my average: I’ve been to the cinema 188 times in the past 6 years.

Number of new films seen:51

I’m improving here, which pleases me.

 Most anticipated for 2017

Baby Driver

Edgar Wright’s films are ace (except that one which I don’t mention since people shout at me).

 La La Land

This looks gorgeous and I thought Whiplash was sensational.

 Logan

I like everything about how this looks.

 A Monster Calls

Original storytelling! Yes!

 Paddington 2

Obvs.

 Star Wars Episode VIII

A New Hope?

 T2: Trainspotting

Hugely exciting- these film makers have only grown more talented in the past 20 years.

20 years.

Gods I’m old.

 Thor: Ragnarok

My favourite Marvel franchise goes comedy-space loopy. Has the potential to be my favourite of them all.

 Wonder Woman

I love this character and I want my daughter to as well. Get this right DC. Please.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Missed during 2016 but would like to have seen:

Allied, the Big Short, Finding Dory, Midnight Special, Money Monster & Passengers. I also did not see either Room or Spotlight, because I was never in the mood for the grimness of either.  Look, I’m busy and I’ve turned 40. Can you tell?!

  Top 10 films of 2016

Bubbling Under: The charming and colourful Moana and also Kubo and the Two Strings were superior family fare whilst The Jungle Book was an immersive treat.

 10        The Revenant

Technically stupendous but also oddly emotionally detatched and often needlessly arty- truly great cinema puts storytelling before craft and allegory with the latter drawn from the former (if it can) and I felt that, despite the stupendous cinematography and artistry on display, that beauty was sacrificed for emotional or narrative strength- certainly for plausibility. I’ve had these issues with Iñárritu before, but there is no denying the fact that this remains a remarkable piece of cinema.

9          Deadpool

Actually a bit more sharp than I’d first realised and a clever piece of programming, but still not what it could be if it halved the budget and really cut loose.

#driveby

8          10 Cloverfield Lane

The main problem is the name (It has nothing to do with the 2008 film and I was always waiting for them to tie together), but the claustrophobia and paranoia are immersive, shocking and unpleasantly tense.

7          The Hateful 8

A trifle indulgent at times, but a terrific theatrical experience.

6          The BFG

Not as comedic as you’d think, with a pervasive melancholy vibe of loneliness, guilt and regret emitting from the screenplay, lead actor and the director. It takes a while to get going and doesn’t aim for huge emotional sweeps, but the patient craft of Spielberg is clear to see. The BFG is lovely filmmaking with a real gentleness at its core and it will only grow in reputation over time. Also features explosively farting Corgis.

5          Star Trek Beyond

The best Blockbuster of the year I was surprised and delighted to see how much it grew on repeat viewings. This warm and witty love letter was assembled at huge pace but it made for a thrilling piece of cinematic escapism. A considerable improvement on its predecessor, the highlights were the pairings of the characters, especially Spock & McCoy. They did fudge the character of Kirk a little in order to both complement the story’s main theme & provide a suitable reflection in the villain and as a result Kirk is, paradoxically, the least convincing part of the piece but, after a terrific and assured finale and beautiful grace note for the 50thAnniversary, the films ends perfectly with the whole crew, as it should.

4          Hail Caesar!

Another film that gets better the more you think about it, Hail Caesar! loves movies almost as much as its protagonist and this feels like one of the Coens’ more personal films. Their goofy wit is littered throughout it and it nods to cinematic tradition constantly, including some wildly unnecessary set pieces which spectacular and as fun as there are knowingly indulgent.

3          The Nice Guys

Quintessential Shane Black it may be, but his voice is so distinct and entertaining that a film with this level of charisma is hard to take against, no matter how familiar the ingredients might be.

2          The Man who Knew Infinity

A truly delightful surprise, I was expected this to be a guilty pleasure (given my love of Maths and knowledge of the subject matter) but instead I was treated to a terrific piece of film making: quiet, earnest, substantial, well acted and gracefully told.  Seek it out! It may appear like a generic biopic but the subtle exploration of Ramaujan’s talent and his faith and the search for absolute truth in both Mathematics and Religion that connects him to Hardy (along with circumstance) is well rendered. It is certainly considerably superior to the Imitation Game.

1          Zootropolis

So Disney has eclipsed Pixar- that Lassiter dude certainly knows what he’s doing.

I’m pretty amazed to see this as my film of the year, as it is a kids’ film, a cartoon. And yet, when I look back on everything I’ve seen over the past 12 months, it is the one film which made me smile the most and it continues to grow on repeat viewings (which my children beg for).  It is kind of expected that incredible colour, imagination, design and wit are de rigueur in these films but not only does Zootropolis get all of these ingredients exactly right, it sneaks in small hints of profundity. After a year in which unsavoury debates have been poisoned by irrationality, this film, without every threatening to be preachy, gently illustrated to my children exactly the message I needed them to see. The core of the film concerns how we can get judged by what we are, not who we are or what we do and even both protagonists, who are wildly different, fall into this trap during the course of the story.  Judging a book by its cover is in our DNA but reflecting on how we process this instinct is something that struck a chord with me, long after my first viewing. Concepts of “Them and Us” are challenged directly but without ever lecturing or straying from the narrative or the wit.  The film is subtly layered both narratively (themes of exclusion and lack of purpose are examined through deft comedy) and visually (a quick rewatch of the final 10 minutes allowed me to spot nods to Speed and The Empire Strikes Back) and the music and humour are hugely pervasive.  It is no masterpiece but is certainly the film I needed in 2016.

This may be a cheesy way to finish the year but the lyrics to the (frighteningly) catchy main song from Zootropolis contains a message for Film Producers (despite being sung by an alarmingly sexy gazelle):

“I want to try everything, I want to try even though I could fail;  I’ll keep on making those new mistakes.”

I’ll take more Swiss Army Men every now and then if it leads to more Whiplashes.  Let’s hope to see cinema trying everything in 2017.

Happy New Year!