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#they make up like 50% of my diet
mcdolann · 2 years
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fucks me up that americans don’t really eat meat pies
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unknownfortuna · 1 month
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Profection years
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Profection Years represent the themes in the house you will be facing as well as the planets associated with the signs in the houses. REMEMBER planets within these houses also represent whether the manifestations will be positive or negative (also aspects). I will be speaking mostly positive manifestations to avoid freaking anyone out:)
Ascendent: ages 0, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72...
The transformation in these years are closely tied to your identity. These years may also feel like you are starting over in some way, perhaps you are being too clingy with things that are not meant to be and will be forced to let go (you were supposed to do this in the 12th house but whatever you'll learn). A new you is reborn and you will be reintroducing yourself to those around you!
The rising sign is an indicator of what your year may hold for you (planet associated too!)
ex. Virgo rising may really lean into a more polished looking appearance. attention to detail and being a bit of a perfectionist in the work you do. You may be highly critical of yourself and others. Planet- Mercury will be activated this year. Perhaps you will incorporate more professional language depending on the profession you are in.
2nd House: ages 1, 13, 25, 37, 49, 61, 73...
These years are focused on your assets and values related to the self. (ascendent profection years is more superficial and based on others opinion/the mask you show others ex. work persona). Your material possessions and your ability to provide for yourself.
ex. Scorpio in the 2nd house. Can be going through a more secretive transition related to how you make your money. May be doing a more taboo profession or conflict may arise due to scorpio being associated with pluto and mars (also darker/obsessive tendencies with your things/self....like astrology/the occult)
3rd House: ages 2, 14, 26, 38, 50, 62, 74...
More active years; heavier emphasis on your siblings and neighborhood. Changes to your thought patterns and communication. More activity in your day to day life such as traveling or commuting somewhere.
ex. Libra in the 3rd house would be feeling more codependent on their siblings/neighbors and vice versa. Can have run ins with the law (parking/speeding tickets... also being able to get out of them bc of your charm:). More activity in your romantic and business partnerships! (Flirting with everyone bc why not??). Venus will be on your side during this year.
4th House: ages 3, 15, 27, 39, 51, 63, 75...
Family and the foundation you stand on will be heavy on your mind. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? How can I be more involved in my family? How is my relationship with my mom affecting me? Childhood themes may also come up. Revisiting certain memories or places associated with childhood.
ex. Leo in the 4th house would hold more emphasis on adding flair to their home; More self expression towards their family and with their mom. The sun would be activated and a perpetual spotlight would follow you making you stand out ESPECIALLY with your family (being the talk of their family bc their mom can't help but brag about an accomplishment you made this year).
5th House: ages 4, 16, 28, 40, 52, 64, 76...
This profection year can really help tap into a more creative side of yourself. Perhaps you become more into a hobby you've been wanting to do. More excitement in your dating life relationships/ going out more with friends. pets are also a theme.
ex. Gemini in the 5th house would have soooo much to talk about with people (beware of gossiping). More fun with your siblings or you could be involved in communicating with kids in some capacity (You are a part of an after school program for elementary aged kids). Mercury would be activated.
6th House: ages 5, 17, 29, 41, 53, 65, 77...
These years pertain to your health/daily routine/every day work habits. Perhaps you want to incorporate a new diet or get more into a fitness routine.
Ex. Pisces in the 6th house may incorporate a ritual of some sort. Manifestation practices/protection spell work/reading scriptures from a religious text. Neptune will be activated this year so movies can be an inspiration for change to your life (beware of being mislead, neptune=planet of illusions ; you join a pyramid scheme lol). Jupiter is the traditional ruler. May bring random good luck within your daily life.
7th House: ages 6, 18, 30, 42, 54, 66, 78..
Relationships of all kinds will be emphasized. You may feel a bit codependent during these years; influenced by your relationships. What type of relationships do I want? type of thoughts. You could also be more of a social butterfly or heavily locked into your one on one relationships.
ex. Aquarius in the 7th house will be more involved in online relationships (like gamer friends). May be more active in building an online business and harvesting a following. Become more concerned with humanitarian causes and collaborating with others to make a difference. Uranus will be activated this year and may bring random acquaintances/ friendships. Saturn is also the traditional ruler....long term relationship through a dating site
8th House: ages 7, 19, 31, 43, 55, 67, 79...
More focused on transformation in a soul searching kind of way. What are your thoughts/feelings towards Money/intimacy/shared resources? Speaking of shared resources, if you are in a serious business or romantic partnership, this year will cause you to review what exactly is being harvested between you two. Taxes may be a focus on these years.
ex. Aries in the 8th house may feel the need to take action and charge these topics head on. Due to its independent nature they will have to learn to walk the fine line with what is theirs and what is a shared resource with their partners. Can also have to fight for inheritances. Mars will be activated this year giving more fuel/power to the individual.
9th House: ages 8, 20, 32, 44, 56, 68, 80...
Changes to your spirituality/religious thoughts. College or higher education of some kind will be a focus. perhaps you adopt a new dogma from reading a higher-level text. Travel and foreign places will be themes.
ex. Capricorn in the 9th house likes structure. They may be into focusing on what the meaning of life is or planning trips in search of answers to such existential questions. May also take work trips during this year or building rapport with foreign associates. Saturn would also be activated which can manifest in implementing more disciplinary rituals based on your spiritual belief (buddhism=incorporating asceticism practices).
10th House: ages 9, 21, 33, 45, 57, 69, 81..
The public and how you are perceived. focus on career and what you want to achieve. The 10th house can also be associated with authority figures/ father. Perhaps you end up being mentored by your boss or a fatherly figure of some kind when it comes to your career. There can be changes in the type of relationship you have with your father.
ex. Cancer in the 10th house could have a career related to caregiving or nurturing role of some kind. A protective career like the military could also manifest. Others may come to you and seek out advice of some kind due to the public seeing you as a caretaker/ motherly figure. Cancer being ruled by the moon may also cause ppl to see you as a moody/emotional person. Your mom and the relationship you have with her could be a theme (moon=mother)
11th House: ages 10, 22, 34, 46, 58, 70, 82...
The community is of importance and the ties you have. Your friends could be a big part of this year. The natural ruler of the 11th house is Aquarius which rules the media/ your presence within social media could be a theme such as being recognized or discovered in some way.
ex. Saggitarius in the 11th house would have an expansive list of friends from all types of communities, ages, and cultures (diversity, diversity, and more diversity). Could take trips to meet said friends in foreign countries. Lots of fun in the community (reputation of the life of the party??). Jupiter would be activated bringing good luck and expansion in this area:)
12th House: ages 11, 23, 35, 47, 59, 71, 83..
The 12th house is kind of the final chapter to karmic cycles. You go through a sort of ego death in this house. Depending on your attachment to things in your life will really let you know whether this year will be easy for you or not. Also have you been ignoring something or pushing a serious topic off in hopes it will dissipate into fine dust? Well, this year will bring your subconscious thoughts to life as well as influence your sleep and dreams. Isolation can manifest in different ways (working nights, hospital, prison, sleep disorders). Think of this year as the final test/ palette cleanser to all of the years prior.
ex. Taurus in the 12th (hehe how interesting:) the fixed sign will have no choice but to face the changes that have been inevitable. Perhaps you have considered yourself to be someone who is flexible (Gemini Rising) but ask anyone around you and they would say otherwise. Lessons of beauty/ugly will come about as well as lessons dealing with your foundation. Material possession will have to be approached in a detached manner due to the possibility of having to let go of systems that can not be taken with you in the upcoming profection year. Venus will be activated during this year and may include lessons related to love.
"Your fear of abandonment is entirely justified. Nothing in this world stays forever. The leaves fall, the fields of sunflowers wilt, even the best people leave sometimes. You're not crazy. You're observant."
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sakuramom · 2 years
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costco had some bery yummy shoyu ramen bowls today so i got some and its so much more filling than the shitty ramen i was eating before
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being-addie · 6 months
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The Glow Up Game
Part One: Pretty on the Outside
A comprehensive guide to getting your shit together. You heard me. We are done standing on the sidelines, looking at people living their dream lives being rich and hot and happy. WE'RE DONE.
This is a long guide, filled with pointers covering EVERYTHING regarding physical glow-ups. I'll be editing it and reblogging it whenever I come across new ideas and information. It covers everything from head to toe. I mean this literally.
Note: This is for people who want to do glow up physically. It is totally your choice to do anything you want to/don't want to on this list. We live in a world full of unfair beauty standards, and instead of being angry about it, I'm going to exploit the hell out of it.
Are you ready to change yourself? Here we go.
The absolute basics: These are lifestyle changes you're going to implement. Non-negotiable.
Go exercise: Don't look at me like that. This isn't optional. Find a way to move your body so you like it and you're actually breaking a sweat. Leisurely walking on the treadmill does not count, half-hearted zumba does not count. Whatever you're doing, it has to make you SWEAT. A good figure is earned. Trust me when I say you'll feel better, and like what you see in the mirror.
Change your diet: Enough sugar. Toss the soda out, and chuck out your candy stash. You really don't need it. Craving something sweet? Make a batch of healthy, homemade dessert. Or have a piece of fruit. I'm not kidding when I say the kitchen is where you make the biggest lifestyle change. It will be HARD, but every McChicken you say no to, is good for your HEALTH. You want to live longer? Cut out the takeout and heavily processed foods.
Fix your sleep cycle: Sleep is so important, and I think people overlook it so much. All your hard work is wasted if you don't sleep well. Your skin will break out, and your body will refuse to change even if you exercise. SLEEP WELL. Create a nighttime routine and stick to it. Make sure you have at least 7 hours of sleep as a minimum.
Create a skincare routine: Take off your makeup every day. And have a good skincare routine. Cleanse, moisturize and apply whatever you usually do. Exfoliate twice a week and stop touching your face. I also drink an ABC smoothie (Apple+Beetroot+Carrot+Water). This does wonders.
Use sunscreen: I cannot stress this enough. Skin cancer is real, and it will get you if you don't wear sunscreen. Use something higher than SPF 50 and use it religiously. Make sure to get your earlobes, chest and back of your neck. Cover every inch of your skin that will be exposed to the sun.
Drink your water: 3 litres of water per day. You will be amazed at the results. Your skin will clear, your breath won't stink and you won't be dehydrated. This shit works, and there's a reason everyone recommends it. Drink your water.
Moving on to each itty-bitty detail.
Eyes: SLEEP. You want your eyes to look fresh? No pesky dark circles? Get your sleep cycle right. No more late nights. Hot girls sleep on time.
Nose: Those blackhead-looking things are natural, they're called sebaceous filaments. And, no you can't get rid of them. But you can minimize them. Cleanse, moisturize and exfoliate. Don't pick at your skin.
Lips: Don't bite them anymore, for God's sake. You're going to make sure they're chapped beyond belief. Use lip balm religiously and don't overuse lipstick. Your lips WILL get discoloured when you're older. Use a light lip tint, and lip balm/gloss.
Eyebrows: If you want to shape them, go to the hairdresser and get it done.
Facial hair: As someone with naturally dark, thick hair I have a lot of noticeable facial hair. I'm planning on getting it lasered soon. Find a way that works for you and is affordable.
Body hair: I have zero self-consciousness about my arm and leg hair, so I have no desire to shave or wax it. I do wax my underarms, because of ridiculously thick growth. Understand that this is a personal choice, and you do not have to do this if you're unwilling.
Nails: Keep them short or long, always filed and CLEAN. Do not let grime or dirt build-up underneath. Don't keep your nails painted 24/7, it will 100% lead to yellowing. Give your nails some time to breathe between every manicure. When they aren't painted, keep them filed and presentable.
Hair: I have Type 3a curly hair, so my hair routine is tailored to suit me. But what I can tell you is wash your hair at least 1x a week, use sun protectant, and oil your hair before wash day(it works). And use heat on your hair SPARINGLY. If you want to colour you can, but remember it does lead to long term damage, brittleness and bad texture. Get your hair cut every 3-4 months with a trusted hairdresser. Keep switching up hairstyles and do not stick to a single part (middle part, side part) constantly because it can lead to thinning of hair there.
Acne: STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE I am begging you. Touching your face with grimy hands is a recipe for acne. Cleanse everyday, moisturize heavily and go to a dermatologist if it gets worse.
THIS LIST WILL BE UPDATED
Go live your best life. You deserve everything, and you shouldn't let anything stand in your way, not even yourself. Now GO, you've got shit to do.
xoxo
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AITA for "not forgiving" my mom because she ate my chocolate chips?
🍫🍫 to recognize
This is probably a ridiculous argument but I genuinely don't know if I'm in the wrong or if my mom's an asshole, so, here we go.
I (mid 20s M) like to make pancakes for dinner sometimes. I tend to accompany them with chocolate chips, honey, and banana. I only make the pancakes for myself and not for my mom (mid 50s F), whom I live with, because she's in a "keto diet" and doesn't want to eat carbohydrates, which is an entire argument on its own, but it is not the focus (although relevant).
Some time ago (from the date I sent this, two or three weeks ago I think???) I accompanied my mom to buy some groceries, and I bought a bag of chocolate chips for myself, alongside other things for my pancakes (like flour and banana). I left them on the cupboard (except the banana ofc), and I expected them to, y'know, stay there.
Except a week or so ago I was looking through the cupboard looking for something else and noticed the chocolate chips bag wasn't there. My mom does have an awful tendency of eating my food or at least things that were bought by ME to be consumed by ME, so I straight up asked her if she ate them and she said "yes :(" almost ashamed. I honestly got pissed off due to the previously mentioned fact that this is not a first time thing, and then she started saying things like "well it's chocolate" and "I didn't ate them all at once I ate them slowly" and "you left them there for a long time" and "I bought them anyway", with the last thing being a lie because I bought them with MY money, thing she apparently "forgot".
I honestly haven't "forgiven" her yet, and with "forgiven" I mean I still expect her to go to that place and buy the chips again, this time with her money, and I told her so multiple times. But she's meanwhile expecting me to go with her again to that place and buy them with my money... when I shouldn't because I already bought them before! And she ate them! But now she's telling me I'm exaggerating and that in big families there's no such thing as "my food" or "someone else's food", everything's shared. And yeah, as you can guess from this now, I'm an only child (and only grandchild and the only nephew my child-free uncle has), so I guess the only point she has is that I'm not used to have to share things with siblings or cousins.
So Tumblr, I'm an asshole for expecting to have my own food and not wanting to share with my mom, or she's the asshole for taking things that weren't bought with her in mind?
Note: By the time I sent this ask, she also ate an entire jar of honey and crackers I also bought with my money a few nights ago because "she couldn't sleep, was anxious and thought she could calm down with eating". This is the second jar of honey in the month I buy that she ends up eating on her own and that I meanwhile could barely consume anything of. I didn't even opened the crackers.
Note 2: You can eat chocolate in keto diets as long as it is dark chocolate, but this one was milk chocolate. Honey and crackers are definitely not keto. So she's breaking her own precious diet.
What are these acronyms?
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andmaybegayer · 1 month
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Every now and again someone will make the claim that "Calories In Calories Out weight loss techniques don't work" and a brain genius will round the corner waving a conservation of energy equation to tell this person that they're an idiot and I do not care for the brain geniuses here.
The brain geniuses are fundamentally misunderstanding several things, potentially willfully. Calories In Calories Out isn't a fundamental truth, it's the process of tracking estimates of energy consumption and usage and the problem is that both of those numbers are highly variable and nearly impossible to track reliably without continuous intervention.
The Calories in Calories In Calories Out process typically means "the number on the side of a bag of food" and "your basal metabolic rate plus activity energy" and importantly it is that and not the fundamental law of nature that conservation of energy is.
Metabolism is a very complicated thing to measure and, under real world conditions, the amount of energy you extract from food is extremely variable, depending on how and when you eat, the structure of your digestive system, your own hormone and enzymatic and bacterial profile, and many other things. The number on the side of a packet is a suggestion that is largely estimated empirically, not even measured by something as crude as a calorimeter, just added up from components and older estimates.
Similarly the amount of energy you burn both as a basic level and in activities depends on many things, basal metabolic rate estimates that you can do without specialized equipment and several days are extremely quick and dirty and are basically just simple thermodynamics estimates. Even if you do get your estimate spot on, the amount of energy you burn can change pretty dramatically in response to changes in diet, lifestyle, and situation. It doesn't help that the majority of many people's energy consumption is passive metabolic energy consumption and that's regulated hormonally, largely beyond your direct control or awareness.
I'm also sympathetic to this because I have completely given up on gaining weight. In my final year of high school after spending three years oscillating between 50 and 55kg my parents and I decided to try and increase my weight by eating more calories, I tripled my breakfast calorie intake, added supplementary protein, ate like 1.5× more at other meals, all while slightly decreasing my activity level because I had dropped some extracurriculars, It felt like a ridiculous effort, I often ate way more than I was comfortable eating, and a year later I had hit an incredible 59kg and was stuck there.
I now just manage my diet and activity to keep on useful muscle mass and make sure I don't go below 50kg because my bones have enough problems to deal with.
If I was trying to lose weight, did the opposite of what I did, cut my calories by 30%, for months, increased my activity by a small amount, and I lost less than 10% of my weight, I would probably also move my focus elsewhere. I'm sure the system works for some people! But it's not as simple as adding up some numbers and making sure one is bigger than the other.
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narabbw222 · 2 years
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Top 10 weight gain hacks?
In no particular order:
1. Replace everything you can with the higher calorie version. This may seem obvious but also consider alternative ingredients and increasing quantity of ingredients, for example swapping milk or water with heavy cream, adding double the butter that’s called for, etc. I know that that’s a no-brainer but it really does make a difference if you’re cooking a lot at home.
2. Surround yourself with snacks. When I shop and get a bunch of snacks, I just leave the grocery bag next to where I sit on my couch. Cookies, chips, poptarts, pastries, hand pies, you name it. So any time I’m feeling peckish or I’m just bored and need something to do, I have something within arms reach. I can mindlessly pack away an extra couple thousand calories a day this way and not even notice.
3. Create smaller goals. This one can be a little challenging, of course we all want to hit our ultimate goal as quickly as possible. But it’s so easy to get discouraged when you’re looking at a number that seems so far away. Breaking your goals up into manageable chunks makes the process quicker and more successful than lamenting over not gaining “fast enough” and losing steam. It also gives you reason to celebrate more often than if you’re only looking forward to the next 50-100lbs. For example, say you’re starting on 01/01 at 300 and your ultimate goal is 350. For the month of January your goal is to hit 310, for February it’s 320, and so on and so forth. That way you’re only really “pushing” for the gain for a few days at a time, if you even need to push at all. I hope that makes sense lol
4. That belly tapping thing actually works, lightly tap above your navel and continue tapping as you move from center to left. It may take a couple rounds of this, but in less than a minute you should feel your stomach start feeling empty again. It really really works, it’s also great for when you’re stuffed to the point where another bite will make you sick - just do the tapping thing and the pain and nausea dissipates. I don’t know the science behind this but it’s something I use on a weekly basis and has been a lifesaver.
5. Diet soda. I’ve always been a Diet Coke addict but I’ve found in my gaining journey that the days I drink Diet Coke I am OBSESSED with sweets and sugary treats. Otherwise I’m not too into sweet things, but when I’m chugging aspartame? Oh god it’s game over, I’d eat straight sugar if I had to.
6. Buy the bigger clothes in advance and wear them. This one is hit or miss, cause I love feeling my clothes bursting at the seams, but on the other hand it takes a lot of effort to get super fat and maintain it, so being comfortable as possible is also a must. I do wear the super tight ones still too, but I alternate depending on the day. If you have clothes that are (temporarily) loose on you, not only will you be comfortable but you’ll also have the added benefit of feeling yourself outgrow those too, which to me is more impressive than outgrowing something that was already a little snug.
7. Preset meals; if you’re a fast food junkie like I am and eat every one of your meals out of a greasy brown bag, this is a game changer. Spend a little time making lists of what you like from fast food places and their respective calorie counts. Then come up with realistic 2000+ calorie meals from that. Not stuffings so much as just a casual everyday lunch. So if you know that you need to hit a minimum calories per day, it’s super quick to order exactly what you need and you don’t have to put any effort into it. A lot of apps let you save your favorites to a separate list anyhow.
8. Fast food apps. If you don’t have a rewards app for every fast food place in a 20 mile radius of your home, are you even a feedee? All jokes aside, the amount of free or deeply discounted food I get every day is insane and I am so proud of my points balances lol this is one of my top hacks, I eat so much fast food anyway why wouldn’t I reap the rewards from that?
9. Eat before bed. Most of my eating happens within 2 hours of me falling asleep at night. I would conservatively say half of my daily calorie intake happens in the evening. It works, do it.
10. I’ve been gatekeeping this website for the last 9.5 years, but this is the most accurate calorie calculator I’ve ever used. It tells you your estimated weight over the next few months based on your body metrics and estimated calorie intake (or rather your daily goal lol) and has been consistently accurate for me in my gaining. I use it to plan my gains/other feedees gains and our daily and weekly calorie goals 😉
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malusokay · 9 months
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How to be like Jang Wonyoung
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As many of you requested, part 2 of my it girls series is all about Jang Wonyeong, who's not only absolutely STUNNING, but also incredibly talented, hardworking, and of course successful. Let's get right into it!! <33
Wonyoungs Energy:
Wonyoung is incredibly charismatic, which makes her stand out without even trying!!
She has a bubbly and likeable Personality, Wonyoung appears happy and welcoming, she easily lights up a room with just her presence.
Aside from being cute and cheerful, Wonyoung is also known for being extremely hardworking!!
Confident and Unbothered. Despite receiving quite a bit of unnecessary hate, Wonyoung stays indifferent and true to herself!!
Elegant and feminine. No one does the ‘Elegant feminine self-love girly’ aesthetic like her, she is THE girly girl!! <3
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Mindset:
Learn to deal with jealousy, Wonyoung gets plenty of hate, but let's be real for a second… we all know that is because of jealousy. Pretty, successful, smart, and popular? Of course, people will be jealous!!
“While practising self-love, you see good and pretty things about yourself. If I focus only on those things, I don't need to pay much attention to the criticism.”
Don't compare yourself to others “You are you, I am me”.
Keep to yourself. Stop telling people your ideas, your dreams and how you plan to archive them, your goals etc. Let your actions speak for themself!! <3
No more negative self-talk!!
Be your number 1 priority!! Take care of yourself, do what's good for you, eat well, care for your body, skincare, haircare, and your education!! PRIORITIES
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Skincare
Skincare. Wonyoung has Flawless skin, finding a skincare routine that works for you can help you archive similar results!!
Wonyoungs skincare routine:
According to Google, Wonyoung only uses Innisfree products and starts by double cleansing her face, for that, she uses the Green Tea Cleansing Oil ($24), and the Green Tea Amino Acid Face Cleanser ($12)
To get the dewy class skin effect, hydration is key!! In the morning, Wonyoung likes using the Green Tea Hyaluronic Acid Serum ($30) and the Dewy Glow Tone-up Cream ($26)
Of course, you can't forget SPF. Wonyoung uses the Mild Cica Sunscreen Tone-Up SPF 50+ PA ++++, which is also great for acne-prone and sensitive skin types!! :)
For her night routine, she likes the Retinol Cica Moisture Recovery Serum ($37) and the Dewy Glow Jelly Cream ($26).
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Elevate your daily life:
Healthy diet. Eating nutritious and healthy food is the first and most important step to clear skin and an overall good feeling!! Make sure to eat enough protein (ex. yoghurt, chicken, tofu or eggs), lots of fruits and veggies, and healthy fats (ex. Avocados, fish, nuts, olive oil)!!
Exercise daily. Besides dancing, Wonyoung loves pilates!! You can find lots of great Pilates videos on YouTube!!
Work on your posture!! Having good posture will not only make you feel better but also lets you appear more confident, elegant and put together. Try daily stretching and exercises to improve it <3
Try establishing a proper morning and night routine, this can help you stay structured and relaxed even on more messy and busy days.
Content that makes you feel better!! Start watching channels like thewizardliz, vogue beauty secrets, and read motivating blogs. (like mine lol <3)
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Makeup:
Wonyoung is known for her iconic glittery and feminine make-up!!
Light pink blush, plump lips, glowy skin and a glittery but not too heavy eye look.
Foundation on the centre of your face and blend outwards for a naturally contoured look.
Always apply your matt products before your shimmers, that way, your makeup looks cleaner!! Also, apply your glitters from finest to chunkiest. :)
Don't apply your shimmers/glitters past the middle of your eyelid to avoid looking puffy.
If you have warm-toned skin, go for peachy glitters, for cool-toned skin, choose a champagne-coloured one.
If your struggle with dark under eyes, blend your concealer with your fingers!! This will give it a lot more coverage.
You can find lots of tutorials on Wonyoung-inspired make-up on YouTube, this one is my favourite.
I hope this little guide was helpful, I wasn't too familiar with Wonyoung, but I did some research since she was the number 1 most requested person for this!! :)
As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions in the comments and let me know who you want me to write about next! <3
✩‧₊*:・love ya ・:*₊‧✩
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billthedrake · 4 months
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This story inspired by the classic writings of @macstevens.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
"You feeling nervous, Dad?" I asked as we walked back into our hotel room. We'd taken a walk around and had scoped out a lot of the other men we'd be seeing tomorrow.
Dad was surprisingly earnest as he thought over for a second. "I should be telling you I'm not," he replied. "I guess I get a little too caught up in the competitive thing."
"You wouldn't be here if you didn't," I assured him. "Trust me, you're gonna kill it tomorrow."
I could read all the doubts in my father's head. In 2018 he'd come here and had fallen short of placing. The pandemic came, and that meant time away from the gym. More than that there was Dad's self-imposed backaway from bodybuilding. "It's just not worth it," he'd said. "The time, the dieting, making yourself into some muscle bimbo," he said.
Until it was worth it. About a year and a half ago, Dad started getting that itch again. It took even more work this time, as he was in his mid-50s now, which meant would be competing in the Master's 50+ division
Now, Dad was probably in his best form of his life. Growing up, he'd always seemed just big - tall, beefy, ex-jock kind of body. Around the time of my parents' divorce, he'd gotten into better shape. My his mid 40s, that fitness kick got channeled into serious lifting. No two ways about it, my cop dad was a beast now.
And he was pulling off his XXL t-shirt, showing me all the ripped muscle he'd been bulking and fine tuning the last year. Dad tossed the shirt aside and turned to me. "Guess it's time for you to work your magic, Drew."
"Jesus, fuck," I gasped. It wasn't from surprise, since I was well familiar with my dad's body. But it never failed to take my breath away. He was hard, vascular, and covered with a pelt of silvery hair.
Dad chuckled. "I know you like the fur, buddy."
I gulped. Something had changed the last couple of years where the salt and pepper in Dad's chest hair was getting closer to full-on silver. "Yeah, I do," I admitted. "But you gotta show off your work, Dad."
"Yeah," he said, and started taking off his shorts. "You get everything ready."
I'd learned the hard way to put down newspaper on the bathroom floor. Dad's really fucking hair. I pulled out the supplies from my backpack - clippers, shave gels, a couple of additional razor cartridges, some aloe moisturizer. I used to wax Dad down, but we both enjoyed the slower, more intimate ritual of the shaving. And this way, his hair would grow back sooner, which was a plus for us.
"I'm afraid I'm giving you a lot of work," he chuckled as he stepped into the small space of the hotel bathroom. Dad was fully naked and his cock was already firming up into a healthy-sized hardon. We'd gotten beyond the awkwardness of this process and now got turned on by it.
I realized I was fully hard in my basketball shorts and I was glad I decided to freeball it, because otherwise my erection would feel uncomfortably constrained. I stripped off my shirt and affectionately patted his back, taking some time to feel the competition-ready muscle. "Jesus, Dad... being away at college... it's incredible to see you now."
That made my father smile. But he didn't say anything more. It was time for the shavedown.
I started the clippers and sheared off big swipes of that thick fur, watching the silvery curls fall down to the floor, some catching on his hair below. I then worked the clipped on the other side, from his lower abdomen to the base of his giant pecs. His cock jerked as I did and I could see the hunger in his eyes.
I pulled back the clippers and kissed him. Tongue and all, we make out, and I felt his prick nudge against the hard ridge in my shorts. I was actually a couple inches taller than Dad, a classic basketball jock build, and times like this, I loved the similarity and yet contrast between our bodies.
Dad was thinking something similar, too, and as I pulled back he growled. "I swear each time I see ya, you're bigger, boy."
I flexed for him some and laughed. In high school, I'd been on the leaner side, and even now my muscle looked less imposing because of my height. But I'd been working a lot with the team's strength coach and my effort had paid off. I placed the clippers back on him, focusing on the round swell of his chest muscle. "I got a bodybuilding Dad I gotta keep up with," I said.
It was Dad's turn to flex, making his knotted arms almost balloon in size. "I couldn't have gotten here without you, buddy," my father said, a twinkle in his handsome brown eyes that seemed lighter in color now that his hair was graying.
"Lift your arm," I instructed. This was the one part where the hair seemed less thick as Dad got older, but his pit was still well-furred. Dad's hair just had a way of growing in fast and thick.
It was going now, as I buzzed the clipper along the growth, shearing it down to a quarter inch.
Then I did the other arm pit.
My father's back isn't that hairy but I zapped away a couple of patches, along his lower back and along his upper traps. The forearms needed touching up to.
Dad reached down and gripped my boner, massaging it through the nylon of my shorts. It felt tantalizing, but we both kept the libido in check for now. Still, I pulled back with a huge wet spot at the tip of my cock. Dad used to tease me for my lack of patience in the bedroom, but now I knew how to be a good boy.
I squatted down and trimmed the legs, front and back. Then the hard cannonball ass that had been the first thing that required Dad to size up his police uniform.
This whole process took a while, about five to ten minutes for the initial trim. Now I turned off the clippers and set them aside. I wiped down the legs with a wet washcloth and put a good amount of shaving gel in my palm. This was the laborious part, but Dad would have a fresh, close shave for competition tomorrow.
It was quiet and sexual, Dad's prick dripping that slick clear fluid as I ran the razor over the quads, revealing hard muscle more fully. His dieting and diuretics meant every vein popped on the surface of his leg. I finished and wiped him down, admiring my handiwork. I took a strange pride in this, not only my skill in shaving Dad down but also an embrace of my kink. It was like each swipe of the razor blade was an act of power, of taking away Dad's masculinity, and yet giving him an even more amazing masculine form.
I started on the other leg. We broke the spell of silence some by talking about the likely competition he'd have tomorrow. Soon, I was wiping down the smooth muscle and rinsing off the blade in the sink.
I took my time with his calved and powerful hamstrings. Dad's hardon flagged. Mine didn't. I remembered when my father's ass has a little of that meaty give to it. The first time I'd touched his bare buns, or eaten him out, of fucked him. Now it was hard steeliness in my hands as I ran the razor over it, clearing a path in the foamy gel to reveal the smooth hard skin beneath. I don't know what it was, but there was something about a 55 year old's skin that was distinctive from a younger man's, even in Dad's competition ready muscle physique. Maybe because of his muscle physique.
"Want me to get in there?" I asked, my voice hoarse in excitement.
"Might as well," Dad said. And like that, he was leaning over and bracing his arms on the shower-tub rim, spreading his legs for me.
The first time Dad showed his hole to me, I had a premature ejaculation, I was so turned on. Those days were past me, but my heart always pounded double time to see this sight.
"I love you, Dad," I hissed. I had meant to save that kind of talk for later in the weekend. Or at least for a more appropriately intimate moment. But it just came out.
"Love ya too, Drew," he replied.
I could tell he was holding himself dead steady. This part involved more delicate razor work. I spread his crack further open with my fingers and flicked away the hairs around his pucker. My father's ring had seen more use lately. It wasn't a puffy, slutty hole or anything, but he'd gotten fucked more regularly, even with my absence at school.
"There," I announced, splashing some water on the pucker and wiping it down.
Dad leaned up and turned around. His prick was throbbing again. "You're the best, son," he said, reaching down to ruffle my hair.
I laughed. "Dad, you know how much this drive me crazy." I was already taking the shaving gel and smearing it around his lower abdomen. Dad trained natural and competed in a natural tournament. It put a cap to his size but also meant his belly was normal and relatively flat for a man his age.
He looked down with a look that had a good deal of pride mixed in with the lust. "I've been too scared to ask, but you having fun in college?"
I knew what he was getting at. I kept my attention on the shaving process but as I rinsed of the blade, I answered him. "Not really. Playing ball and keeping up my GPA keeps me pretty focused, you know?"
I knew he liked my answer but he nodded. "Well, I wouldn't mind if you found someone, you know." I think he half believed it. Trying to be the good parent.
I stood up. I was SO hard now. I knew I was tempting myself, but I pulled the waist band over my cock and slid my shorts down. Dad's eyes widened. "He'd probably have to be a cop," I said. "You and Rick spoiled me."
Dad chuckled. "I can't tell if you're kidding sometimes."
I raised my eyebrow. "I'm not kidding," I said. I pumped some more gel into my hand. The can was running low now, and I'd have to start on the second. I smeared it over his hard round pecs. I wetted down a new blade and brought it up. "I've been thinking a lot actually... I don't know, I'm seriously thinking about going into law enforcement."
"Drew," Dad objected, but he didn't complete his thought.
I shaved the chest in slow, broad swaths. It was beautiful to see Dad's new body emerge before my eyes. "Basketball's great, but I know I'm not NBA material," I explained. I gave a wry smile as I quickly glanced from his chest to his face. "And the pension's good, right?"
He laughed. "Pretty good," he replied. "But it's better in a city." Dad was police chief in a small town force.
"Then you get big city problems," I countered. I now ran the razor gingerly around dad's thick brownish nipple. "But you know what I'm thinking, right?"
"Yeah," he replied. "Just promise me you're not gonna rush into that decision lightly. I want you to think practically before you commit to anything."
"I will, Dad," I said. Feeling chastised some, but he was right. I had a way of letting my cock do the thinking for me. I leaned in as I flicked the razor along his upper chest, next to the neck. Our cocks touched, wet and leaking.
"Fuck!" Dad gasped.
"I didn't nick you, did I?" I asked, concerned. I'd been more prone to that when we started this, but I'd gotten better and a lot more careful.
"No," he responded. "But please tell me we're gonna make up for lost time this weekend, son."
"We're gonna make up for lost time, Dad," I breathed. Then setting down the razor, I kissed him once more. This once feel deeper and more powerful.
"Damn, buddy," my father said as we broke off. "You've gotten even better at that."
I grinned. "Finish you up?" I asked. "We're almost done."
He nodded and lifted his right arm to let me get the trimmed hairs beneath, then the other. Up close, my father's hard muscled body now seemed bigger and heavier. We were both tall and our combined sized made the bathroom quarters seem particularly close.
"Maybe you can trim the crotch tomorrow. Figure out how much you wanna do." Dad said as I shaved his arms smooth. I could never decide what I thought about a shaved crotch. I used to hate it, but now there was a kinkiness in seeing his mature muscled cop body shaved completely smooth. Dad mostly like not worrying the posing trunks area and was glad for me to go as tight a shave as I wanted.
"Yep," I said.
Finally Dad started up the shower and we both got in. I loved sudsing up his shaved-down body and making out with him. We'd barely stepped out and dried off when we heard a knock.
"What fucking timing," I heard Dad say as he turned his upper body some.
I patted his smooth rump and picked up my shorts to slide them back on. I was achingly hard in them, obscenely so, but I had a good idea who was at the door.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Rick Caldwell grinned as I opened the door. He was fifteen years younger than Dad and six inches shorter. He was pretty much the textbook example of meathead cop, having been lifting and competing since he was 18. He stood now in full uniform, the bulletproof vest beneath his poly-blue shirt making his chest look that much more expansive, and his huge guns straining the sleeves.
"Dude, it's your room, too," I laughed.
Rick stepped in and set down his bag. He had a big grin on his closely shaved face. "Been too long, kid," he smiled as he stepped up for a kiss. I used to joke that Rick was Dad's boyfriend, but it seemed more and more like he was mine. I groped his hard body and felt him up beneath the uniform.
"Bout damn time, Caldwell," Dad joked as he stepped in to see us making out.
Rick pulled back. "Hiya Chief. Hit some traffic after my shift." He looked up my father up and down. "Your boy does good work."
"He does," Dad said as he stepped up, pulling his hand on my bare shoulder. "Takes his time."
Rick smiked. "I bet." Then, "You guys see all the beef parading around? Lots of law enforcement, too. I figured Junior here's gotta be pretty worked up," he winked at me. I didn't share a first name with my father but that didn't stop Rick from using that as a nickname.
"Understatement," I said. While Rick always encouraged my horndog side, I didn't always like to scope out other guys around Dad. But it was impossible to hide it on occasions like this .
Dad didn't seem to mind now. His fingers playfully dug into my delt muscle. "Drew here's thinking about signing up for the Academy after college." There was some pride in his voice, even tough I knew my father was stubborn enough to try to talk me out of the idea a few times over the upcoming year.
"Yeah?" Rick asked, turning to look at my own smirk. "You'll make a good officer, Junior," he said. Already he was crouching down in front of me and working my shorts.
I almost objected and I knew my body stiffened defensively. Dad and I had just had the most exquisite 40 minutes of foreplay and I worried now that all my patience would be squandered in a half minute's time.
"It's OK, buddy," Dad whispered hoarsely, pullling my upper body tighter against his nakedness. "Let him."
I gapsed as Rick sank his mouth over my precum-wet boner.
"Holy fuck," I gasped, looking down at him, beginning to blow me in full uniform. Big muscle head cop going down on me. Rick was skilled, but more than that he just loved doing it.
It was the two personalities of the men in my life. Dad always telling me to take it slow, to be patient. Training me almost. Rick indulging me and encouraging me to be as horny as any 20 year old would. Rick knew I had several loads in me in a given night. Why wait for the first?
I now rode the pleasure that Rick's bobbing mouth and throat were now giving me. Dad's eyes were cast down too, watching my thick son dick and his reporting officer's talented mouth quickly milking me.
"You're beautiful to watch, son," my father now whispered in my ear. Just us, something Rick probably couldn't hear. That excited me. "And Rick's right, buddy. You'd make a great officer."
I turned and like magic our mouths met. Tongues connecting a second before I started cumming. I shot hard and heavy into Rick Caldwell's craw. He not only swallowed greedily but kept working me to get the dribbles out of me.
"Goddamn," I muttered when Dad finally pulled back.
"Need a minute?" Dad asked. I knew his need was getting more urgent. And Rick had now turned his attention to my father, his chief. Licking along the thick tool that matched mine.
"Yeah," I replied. "Just a sec." I knew I should cool off completely, but I couldn't keep my eyes off these two men.
Rick sucked some more then went back to teasing mode. I don't know why he was doing this to Dad while he went right to sucking me off. But it was hot to watch. Rick finally turned to me. "You up for shaving me down in a bit, Junior?" He ran his hands openly along my father's smooth abdomen. "Get me competition ready?"
"God, yes," I said.
Dad chuckled. "Drives my boy crazy, doesn't it?" he said, looking at me.
I blushed. I don't know why I was embarrassed of the fact but I was.
Rick grinned, seeming to enjoy seeing my shy side. "Junior's gonna be SO worked up after tomorrow afternoon, he might even let us fuck him." Since going to college, I'd gotten into more of a top kick with these guys. Rick and I liked to have playful arguments about that, but he'd just shake his head and said it was a phase for me, that I just needed to prove something.
Rick never felt like he had anything to prove, at least in bed, and Dad was increasingly very open and flexible.
"How long has it been, Junior?" Rick teased, standing up and undoing his utility belt. "You let any of those college coaches sweet talk their way into your hot jock hole?"
Dad laughed. He was enjoying this. "Drew's been a monk up at school," he chimed in. "So he says."
Rick's blue eyes lit up as he pulled up one uniform shoe to a nearby chair to take off, then the other. "Is that right? Well, it's a whole weekend of bodybuilding, buddy," he said to me. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna get laid." It wasn't clear from his words whether he meant just him and Dad, or some other guy. Maybe for Dad's sake he kept it ambiguous, though I knew Rick liked to fool around and encouraged me to get my rocks off when I could.
"Come on, Rick," Dad complained. "Don't corrupt the poor boy."
Rick smirked. "Junior doesn't need me to do any corrupting. I've never met a dude so wired for big muscle."
Dad gave an exasperated smile. He knew his fellow cop was right. Fer christsake, I'd first come out to Dad when he discovered cum-crusted bodybuilding mags in my bedroom. He now turned to me and I could see a lot of emotion in his face, with the lust that had been building. "I know I keep a short leash on ya, Drew. But you're 20 now... you're your own man."
I didn't know if I was gonna take advantage of Dad's implicit offer. Or if I'd even have a chance to. Rick Caldwell had some wild talk sometimes, but the reality didn't always live up to it. I felt strangely touched by the idea of Dad letting me go off for some fun here.
I turned to Rick, "Why don't you get on the bed?" I asked, almost ordered. "No... leave the uniform on." His cock was already poking out of his zipper but it had been a while since I'd experienced a uniform scene.
The request made Rick smile. He gave a mock salute, "Aye aye, Junior." I watched as he got on, lying back, his big muscle body making the mattress sink. I had confidence in my father, but he'd have a hard time winning his division. Rick would have no problem winning his.
I climbed on, mounting his reclined, clothed body and meeting him for a kiss. Dad still didn't know what I had in mind but he stroked his cock and stepped closer to the bed. He told me he never thought he had a voyeur side until he first watched me and Rick fuck. I made out with the cop and pawed the muscled body before I pulled back and looked at my father.
"Just take it easy, Dad, OK?" I said. "It's been a year and a half."
"Yep," Dad answered in his deep voice.
"Fuck, Junior," I heard Rick say. I looked back into his handsome mug. He now whispered to me, almost mouthed the word. "He's missed this, you know?"
I felt bad, but any misgiving were pushed aside as I felt my father's strong hands run my hamstrings and over my bare buns. Then I felt a cool drizzle of lube and his warm finger press it into me.
"He's good at this right?" Rick said as he watched me get into my dad's prep work. The man was kneeling beside me and Rick. I'd alternate between kissing the cop and just enjoying the fingering.
Finally, I was mid-kiss when Dad stretched his muscled body on top of mine and guided his prick to my tight ring. He had the force to work me open, but he didn't rush it. Just steady prodding at my defenses, and once he entered me slow mini thrusts to open me up.
This was incredible. Getting fucked by Dad in the first time in a while. Getting past my stubborn top-only phase. And being there with Rick while I did.
Dad's thrusts were getting more vigorous, more athletic. I could feel the smoothness of his torso against my bare back as he fucked. The man had a hell of a lot of power in him, and Rick and I both gazed into each other's eyes in a feedback loop of horniness. Me getting off on him seeing the incestuous mating and him egging me on.
"Hold on a sec," I finally said. Dad's pumping stopped and he held his body still against mine while he softly kissed my neck.
"You OK, son?" he asked. I could tell from his voice he SO wanted to fuck to completion right then.
"Pull back," I instructed. As he did, I pulled back enough to give Rick enough room for what I was gonna ask. "Flip over officer," I urged.
Rick got the message, pulling down his uniform trousers all the way, his belt clinging and his prick jerking hard. But I didn't have long to see it. Already the big man was squirming to maneuver to a face down position.
Dad figured out what I was angling for and already was smearing lube on to my cock, adding some extra.
I was getting impatient now, and I reached down to guide my boner into Rick's muscle ass. He gave a soft grunt as I found and penetrated his cop hole. I should have gone easier, I knew, but Rick sensed my need and wanted this too.
Already my jock body was collapsing onto his meatier one, fucking deeper into his ass while I felt my dad cover tightly from behind, his own cop dick finding my entrance naturally and boring back in easily.
A sandwich threeway fuck isn't easy to get a rhythm on, and ours wasn't perfect. It was our first, in fact. But Dad did the driving, his hips and ass piledriving that meaty cock deep into me, jamming it against my throbbing prostate and pushing me into Rick, too.
I heard Dad's rumble of orgasm first and the idea he was shooting inside me had me nutting too. My body spasmed as I gave it up and simultaneously accepted Dad's load deep inside.
"Nice, Drew," my father whispered and slowly eased his body off mine."
I now worried it all been too hard on Rick, but as I rolled off, I saw him turn on his side, finally unbuttoning his uniform shirt and peeling it off his kevlar. His prick was angry red and it took me a second to realize the tip was wet.
"You fuckers," he laughed. "I don't know the last time I had a load fucked out of me like that."
"As long as I don't have to sleep in the wet spot," Dad deadpanned.
Rick grinned, peeling down his trousers, down those tree trunk legs and kicking them off. "I think Junior usually takes the middle spot," Rick said.
I got up off the bed. I'd gotten off twice now, in the span of twenty minutes, and I now felt more than a little drained. "I'll take it," I said. "Gladly." My dad was circling around the king bed to step up to me. I was used to the way his fur would get wet with sweat during sex but now the dewy perspiration rolled down smooth muscle.
"That was amazing kiddo," he said. "Thank you."
We kissed softly. We got so absorbed in our making out that I didn't feel Rick's presence until he placed a hand on both of our backs.
"I love watching you guys," he said.
I turned and leaned down to kiss Rick now, and Dad then had his turn.
"OK if we take a rain check on the shave down?" Rick asked. "There should be enough time tomorrow right?"
Dad felt up Rick's front. "You just got some stubble," he observed. "Shouldn't take as long for Drew to do his thing."
Dad rinsed off first, and then while Rick hopped in the shower, I applied the aloe to Dad's body. It was sexual and intimate, but the orgasms had taken the edge off and I could enjoy the act in all its sensuality. Dad and were both chubbed by shy of fully erect.
"You're killing it, Chief," Rick said as he towelled off. I still had to pinch myself that I had both these amazing muscle men to play around with. "You're gonna blow 'em away on stage tomorrow."
"We'll see," Dad said, that earlier nervousness and doubt creeping into his voice again.
The younger cop hung his towel on the hook. "You ever think of competing, Junior?" he asked.
"His body's perfect, Caldwell," Dad interjected. My father had an embarrassed look as he turned to me. "You should do what makes you happy, buddy, but I mean... you're fucking perfect." His voice cracked in a serious tone. "And any one of those muscle heads walking around this weekend would be lucky to make it with you."
Rick patted my back and winked in a conspiratorial way. "Chief's a big softie. But he's right. You are looking extra studly these days." He turned to Dad. "They looking for some extra tall recruits at the Academy, Chief?"
Dad grinned and nodded. "If that's what the boy wants to do... I'd say so." My father held my gaze and then winked, patting my on the shoulder before going back into the main part of our room.
Somehow, unbelievably, I had a fully hard cock once more.
"You want another crack at my ass, Junior?" Rick asked quietly.
It was tempting. But I needed a break, and I knew waiting would make it all the better. "Tomorrow, OK?"" I asked.
The big cop reached down and gave my dick a quick tug. "You got it. A celebration after I win, maybe?"
"Definitely," I said. I knew Rick would win, all right.
"All right, Junior, let's get some rest... big day tomorrow."
"Yes, Officer," I said and followed him back into the bedroom.
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octuscle · 2 months
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Hey Chronivac, on my way home today I drove past a fancy hotel and saw a super hot and hunky valet outside it. Is there a way that I could use this to become his equally hunky boyfriend or husband?
You are almost 70 years old… You have three failed marriages behind you, each of which has cost you a fortune. And now you come up with the idea of starting something with a valet? Don't take offense, but I do find it a bit strange. But anyway, I've seen worse.
You steer your Bentley convertible into the hotel driveway. Carlos is already walking towards you, eager to be of service. "Welcome, it's nice to have you back with us. May I ask you for the keys to this wonderful car?" You've never been here before… But what a sexy Spanish accent! You give him the key and a 10-dollar bill. And you have to swallow. You have a very dry throat.
With some difficulty and the help of your walking stick, you enter the lobby. You go to the concierge and ask to speak to the personnel manager. When asked who he might report, you reply "James Miller, it's about something private". While you wait in the lobby for an answer, you look in the mirror. Yes, there are already a few gray strands and a few wrinkles around your eyes. But for someone in their mid-50s, you don't look bad at all. Lots of exercise and a healthy diet, you think contentedly. The concierge asks you to take the elevator to the fourth floor.
You're already a little nervous. You haven't had a job interview for a long time. And at your early 40s, you're probably a bit too old to be a parking attendant. You clutch your application folder with white knuckles. But the secretary in the HR department smiles kindly at you, asks you to take a seat and offers you a drink of water. Out of sheer nervousness, you reply with "Gracias". She laughs and says that the conversation will be conducted in English. You laugh back. With your gleaming white teeth, you can iron out any embarrassment.
The door to the meeting room opens. The last applicant is a spotty beanpole. At least visually you have the best chance. The secretary invites you in. The personnel manager smiles at you, you shake his hand and smile back. "Well, Mr. Molinero, the first lesson today is that you don't shake my hand, I shake yours. You never shake hands with a guest unless they do it first. Do we understand each other? You swallow. Carlos wasn't exaggerating. This is a strict place. But it's also the best hotel in town. "Mr. Molinero, is Carlos your brother? You have the same surname." You reply that you are often mistaken for brothers. But you are actually married. "Delightful!" replies the personnel manager. And then you go through your CV.
The interview felt like it took three hours. In fact, it was just 20 minutes. The HR manager stands up and shakes your hand. He laughs as you shake his hand. "Good strong handshake. I like that. Welcome to the team. Rebecca will sort out all the formalities with you, Diego. And for the rest, I'll just rely on Carlos to introduce them well.
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You never get a second chance to make a first impression. And Carlos and you are often the first to give an impression of "your" hotel. You are professionals. You know your way around cars, are excellent drivers and know the local area like the back of your hand. Yes, the pay is really bad, but the tips are royal. Carlos actually once inherited the Bentley convertible of a guest he'd never seen before or since. Of course you didn't keep it. But you were able to use the proceeds from the sale to buy a beach house in your Mexican homeland.
And if things aren't going well enough, you can always work extra shifts as a waiter by the pool. Your suntan lotion massages are famous!
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devildomwriter · 1 year
Text
Obey me Beelzebub Birthday Special 100 Fun Facts
1. Beelzebub makes up elaborate stories about befriending food to try to avoid eating it
2. Before his fall, Beelzebub was a cherub and recommended for Seraph
3. Beelzebub dislikes Mammon’s cooking
4. The only food Beelzebub refuses to eat is Solomon’s cooking
5. As an angel, Beelzebub initially wanted to use his strength to fight but became depressed after Raphael made fun of him. Instead he focused on protecting thanks to Lucifer’s advice
6. Beelzebub used to guard the gates of the celestial realm
7. Beelzebub considers him and Belphegor twins because they were created the same day
8. Beelzebub is usually quiet except when around Belphegor
9. Beelzebub has survivors guilt
10. Beelzebub blames himself for Lilith’s death since he chose to save Belphegor instead and until MC got him to open up to Belphegor, he believed Belphegor blamed him too
11. Beelzebub picks his loyalty based on if he’s offered food
12. Beelzebub will usually follow orders from any of his brothers, especially when it comes to helping restrain another brother
13. Beelzebub claims he never felt insatiable hunger up until the exact moment he fell from grace
14. Beelzebub is completely unaware of his surroundings when he is eating food
15. Beelzebub was the only brother not angered that MC had a plan with Belphegor to make pacts with them all
16. Beelzebub used to be Lucifer’s personal body guard
17. Out of all the brothers, Beelzebub insults Mammon the least
18. Beelzebub is able to feel Belphegor’s feelings and to an extent, read his mind
19. Beelzebub’s name in Hebrew translates to “Lord of the Flies”
20. Beelzebub’s worst subject is potions because he tends to eat the ingredients
21. Beelzebub’s favorite song is the jingle for the ad from Hell’s Burger
22. Beelzebub prefers pop music
23. Beelzebub loves Devilcat and feels he can relate to him
24. Beelzebub mentions his type of person is someone who will make him piles of food
25. Beelzebub prefers dogs because he believes they’re loyal
26. Beelzebub states he loves food from every world equally
27. Beelzebub prefers to work out in silence
28. Beelzebub’s favorite activity is working out
29. Beelzebub hates high heels, they hurt his feet and always snap because of his weight
30. Beel’s motto is “You can’t fight when you’re hungry”
31. Beelzebub usually eats the plates his food is served in alongside the food
32. Diavolo states Beelzebub once ate a pillar at the Demon Lord’s Castle
33. If the Devildom disappeared tomorrow Beelzebub said he’d eat all the food because it’s be a pity
34. Beelzebub states he probably starts his baths washing his head but can’t remember
35. Beelzebub is the active one when it comes to love
36. When asked if he’d bind or be bound by his lover he chose “other” because he wasn’t sure
37. Beelzebub easily forgets special dates of remembrance and anniversaries
38. For a relationship with obstacles his choice is to just give up
39. He won’t have sleepless nights thinking about the person he loves
40. Beelzebub is able to express his feelings frankly
41. Beelzebub can call forth a legendary rock giant
42. Beelzebub is shown to have wind related powers
43. Beelzebub, like all demons with wings, can fly
44. Beelzebub has such a strong sense of smell he can tell if someone is a human, demon, or angel
45. Beelzebub once attempted to diet, it didn’t work out
46. Beelzebub recalls Michael smelling tasty, due to him always eating sweets
47. During dance battles Beelzebub will sometimes shout “here comes my next meal” and “that was a nice feast”
48. Beelzebub sometimes states that MC looks delicious
49. The angrier Beelzebub is the hungrier his gets
50. In exchange for food, Beelzebub will groom and walk Cerberus
51. Beelzebub thinks it’s dumb Mammon likes money, since he can’t eat it
52. According to Beelzebub poison jellyfish don’t sit well in his stomach
53. Beelzebub binged TSL with MC and Mammon specifically for the popcorn
54. Beelzebub chooses his outfits based on if they’re easy to eat in
55. Beelzebub helped choose Mammon’s human world outfit
56. Mammon usually gives Beelzebub treats, he even mentions it on the home screen
57. The first time Beelzebub attempted to attack MC it was because they were convinced by Mammon to eat his custard
58. Beelzebub seems to be the only one who knows Simeon is hiding candy from the celestial realm
59. Beelzebub still considers it his duty to protect Lucifer
60. Beelzebub is a terrible artist but doesn’t seem to realize it
61. Beelzebub believes Solomon wouldn’t taste good
62. Beelzebub loves Luke’s cakes
63. Beelzebub believes Simeon’s pancakes are the best
64. Simeon’s wishes he could clone Barbatos so he’d have him to make him food every day
65. Beelzebub thinks it’s important to work so you have money to buy snacks
66. Beelzebub asks MC if they’re good at cooking, if they are he never wants them to leave his side
67. Beelzebub refers to MC as his angel
68. Beelzebub doesn’t like it when things get mushy and gross
69. Beelzebub will take home random fauna to see what it tastes like, he once brought home a giant black slug that scared Asmodeus
70. Beelzebub mentions on several occasions to love Red Spider Sandwiches
71. When given chocolates (a special item) Beelzebub tells MC he has his eyes and ears out to make sure no drunk people lay a finger on MC
72. Beelzebub thinks trees are delicious
73. When gifted a scarf, Beelzebub initially believes it was a long donut
74. When MC gifts Beelzebub a handmade Devilcat plushie, he isn’t sure what it is
75. Beelzebub says when he was eating a cat shaped pancake that Satan was giving him suspicious looks
76. Beelzebub says he can play the music from the Hell’s Kitchen ad on the Otomatone
77. Beelzebub mistook fireworks for churros
78. Beelzebub reveals to MC he sometimes wishes they were kind only to him
79. Asmodeus would prefer not to say what the most shocking thing he saw Beelzebub eat was
80. Beelzebub often mistakes shaped bath bombs for food
81. Beelzebub was banned from the Devildom botanic gardens for eating all the cherries off the cherry picking trees
82. Beelzebub once ate a tomato meant to make you reveal things, apparently it tasted like nothing to him and Mammon says he’d never seen him look so sad while eating
83. When going out to swim, Beelzebub chose to hunt and grill squid instead
84. Beelzebub always tries to eat all the hidden Easter eggs
85. As I asked Beel for advice on cleanly eating candy apples and was disappointed when Beel recommended just eating them in one bite
86. When Beelzebub expressed interest in a car his brothers were excited and then shocked when they realized Beelzebub only likes the shape as he saw it would be good to dead lift
87. Beelzebub gave MC a Devildom star
88. Beelzebub once tried bribing Mephistopheles into allowing him to help the newspaper club by kidnapping him and trying to force him to eat mountains of food
89. Beelzebub believes a cruise ship anchor is light weight
90. Beelzebub believes he can rely most on Lucifer and Belphegor
91. Beelzebub can run .3 miles (500 meters) in two seconds
92. Beel still enjoys games of tag
93. Beelzebub once put a whole in the RAD building
94. Beelzebub often accidentally breaks through doors and walls
95. Beelzebub is very slow to reply to texts
96. Beelzebub always lifts weights before bed
97. Beelzebub often chews on his pillows in his sleep and frequently sleep walks to the kitchen
98. Beelzebub ate a keychain Barbatos gave Luke and Luke was so angry he scared Beelzebub enough that Beelzebub was running away from him
99. According the Belphegor they once decorated a cake with fireworks but Beelzebub ate them too
100. Beelzebub has been banned from drinking Super Soda water
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foreverthatgirl-blog · 10 months
Text
My Skinny Goal
🌸HandBook🌸
Workout Routines:
Butterfly Stretches first.
Heel Touches x15
Russian Twists x20
Jumping Jacks x40
Planks x1 min
Hip Dips x15
Reverse Crunches x15
Bent Knee V-up x10
Jumping jacks x40
🧊Drink Water🧊
Workout During a Show/Movies:
If they argue. x30 Crunches
Commerials/Ads/Intros or Outros x40 jumping jacks
Hug. Run in place x5 mins
🧊Drink Water🧊
___________________________________________
Ed Shows & Movies:
To the bone
Thirteen
Girl interrupted
Starv!ng in suburbia
Pretty Little Liars
Mean Girls
Black swan
Insatiable
Twilight
Jennifer's b0dy
The Red Band Society
Super-sized Vs Super skinny
My 600lb Life
Gia
Skins
Perfect Body
♡Some are based off vibes/th!nspo♡
___________________________________________
Tips For Fasting:
1.Drink water, It will fill u up (so ur not hungry)
2.Take ur vitamins (vitamin c, vitamin b12, magnesium, iron supplements etc.)
3.Carry a sugary snack (So you don't feel dizzy or nauseous).(Lower than 300cals)
4.Know your limits (Theres a change if u fast for a long time ur going to binge.)
5.If you feel like binging occupy yourself.
Be safe <3
___________________________________________
☆Anti Binge♡
Ways to NOT BINGE!
Squeeze all your fat, that's how much u need to fix.
Go through your old stuff, throw away stuff you don't wear/use.
Mop/dust/vacuum/wipe/watch bedding anything. The more you move the more you burn!
Practice (Sports or even stretch)
Go Out! (Shopping, the beach etc!) The more steps u do the more cals you will burn.
Read! (Online or a book!)
Skincare
Take a shower and/or bath°○
Medi/pedicure & paint your nails!
Brush your teeth
Chew gum or drink water
Makeup
Post/reply or look at @na tumblr
Journal your thoughts or day! <3
Watch supersize vs superskinny! (Be inspired by the skinnys!)
______________________________________
Things To Do Instead
Of Eating🌸
1.Make/organize pinterest boards
2.Scroll through edblr
3.Read
4.Watch a movie/show
5.Make a Wishlist of stuff your going to use after u reach your ugw.
6.Journal your day
7.Make a diet or workout plan
8.Clean/reorganize ur room
9.Go through and get rid of stuff
10.Self Care (Showering,skincare etc.)
11.Try different hair styles or makeup routines
12.Make a weight tracker
13.Make/Organize/delete your music playlist
14.Paint ur nails
15.SchoolWork/Work
16.Watching super-sized vs super skinny
17.Walk
18.Looking at th!nspo
19.Drink alot of water
20.Online shop
21.Sleep
___________________________________________
Diet(Starv!ng)
-Don't eat.
-Chug water every hr
-NO DAIRY
-NO MEAT
-Maximum calorie intake 300, try to keep it lower if possible.
-Take vitamins
_______________♡
Veggies calorie count per 100g
Celery 14cal
Lettuce 15 cal
Radishes 16 cal
Zucchini 17cal
Mushrooms 22 cal
Asparagus 20 cal
Spinach 23 cal
Cabbage 25 cal
Cauliflower 25 cal
Pumpkin 26 cal
Turnips 28 cal
Greenbeans 31 cal
Broccoli 34 cal
Onion 40 cal
Acorn squash 40 cal
Peppers 40 cal
Carrots 41 cal
Brussels sprouts 43 cal
Beetroot 43 cal
Butternut squash 45 cal
Kale 50 cal
Leek 61 cal
Artichoke 67 cal
Corn 86 cal
Sweet potato 86 cal
Potato 87 cal
Edamame 122 cal
Fruit calorie count per 100g
Cucumber 15 cal
Tomato 18 cal
Grapefruit 42 cal
Blackberries 43 cal
Cranberries 46 cal
Clementine 47 cal
Apricot 48 cal
Cherries 50 cal
Pineapple 50 cal
Apple 52 cal
Raspberries 53 cal
Mango 60 cal
Kiwi 61 cal
Lychee 66 cal
Figs 74 cal
Banana 89 cal
Avocado 160 cal
Dates 282 cal
Coconut 345 cal
___________________________________________
Low Cals Snacks♡
(I would buy)
Puffs-60p/25cals
Mini Vanilla Wafers-20p/140cals
Chocolate caramel pretzel bars-1p/70cals
Bunny Grahams-30p/140cals
Apple cinnamon rice cakes-1p/50cals
Fiber chocolate chip cookie brownie-1p/70cals
Yogurt melts-27p/30cals
___________________________________________
Simple changes that help to lose weight ☁️
-Do 8,500 steps everyday
-Say No. (The more you say no, the easier it is eventually everyone will stop offering.
Fruit & Veggies. (If you want anything outside of meals it can only be fruits & Veggies.)
Make Lunch 60 Cals. (Replace bread w/ ryvita crackers w salt. Eat this everyday.
Don't sit down. (Sit down only for meal times) it's important to stay active.
___________________________________________
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bonefall · 2 months
Note
I have my own clan project and I need some quick advice. I calculated the feral cat population I chose to base the setting on, and I got back that the feral cat population is usually one tenth of the human population in the area. Instead of throwing that 15-30k cat estimate away ("THATS A LOT OF DAMAGE") I wanted to at least massively increase the amount of cats in each clan and let the cats in the city soak up the mass majority of that number. So, anywhere from 100-150 cats in a clan I decided, a HUGE leap from the 30 something in the normal clans.
The cats DO have access to large prey- one clan hunts goats by using gravity for example, but I'd love to know how I can wring out every calorie and nutrient to make this massive population viable eating-wise. I'm thinking that the massive size would encourage hunting larger and larger prey (no sweet fat of the hog in the area, but deer and caribou are here), but do you think the small prey population would still be able to support the large clans?
YOWZA you're going to start having some troubles there, but I do think it's doable if you start giving them some serious advances. I don't think this is sustainable if you're doing a canon-compliant Clan; but you can squeak by if you're using fire, traps, and domestication.
So, even above the technological level of BB, but you're dealing with a BIG number here. So anyway, here's how to REALLY maximize the amount of meat you have in an area;
Domestication You seem to be somewhere cold, but I could imagine this being HUGE for Clans that are set up in South America. Natural home of the guinea pig, a living, breathing sausage. Even without guinea pigs, you might be able to have them domesticate pigeons, goldfish, mealworms, mice, maybe even chickens if you're REALLY advanced with making your fencing. What you can't make up in livestock, you can supplement with hunting. Check out CGPGrey's video on domestication, and think about how to adjust the information for a species of cats which is very small.
Fire You need fire. That 20% to 50% increase is HUGE when you're cutting back on prey.
Traps, spears, other hunting tools, for catching larger prey You can use gravity to chase a goat or a sheep off the side of a cliff, but you don't want to rely on this too much if those are human-owned. A few going missing once in a while? That's expected. If they go missing with regularity? Those humans are going to check in. Another thing to be careful of; It's a LOT easier to do this trick with an entire herd than one individual. In fact, the deadliest wolf attacks are accidental, like this one time two accidentally fenton'd 143 sheep to their deaths. OOPS!!! Plus, it straightup doesn't work on boars. They will turn around and kill you to death. You're going to want some cats who can figure out how to set traps and handle weapons. Forget about killing boars if you don't have spears like BB!ThunderClan does.
Spread Out You might even benefit from having the Clans all be interconnected, honestly, regularly trading resources. You mentioned having your city Clan, so you could be having them plus one of the further-out Clans (maybe even have one be nomadic) be the ones who are known for food production, with some Clans supplementing their diets with imports.
There IS a group kind of like this in BB, actually; The Tribe. This is actually why they have those three "Wards" I mention-- the Cave Ward, which is the "canon" Tribe, doesn't actually produce a lot of its own food and has a lower population than the Mountain and River Wards. But, put together, they significantly outnumber the Clans of the Lake.
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prushka-flower-of-dawn · 11 months
Text
Techno Troll HC's
(Since the movie and show don't touch on any of the other tribe's besides pop, hard rock and country western. I'm making up my own headcanons)
Warning: reproductive organs and anatomy
Techno Trolls get very delirious in cold weather. They can be in the cold for a short period, but they need to have some sort of heat otherwise things get weird
Poppy found this out when she noticed Synth wearing his bowl of cereal for a hat and right after screaming about his toes being gone
Instead of blushing like most, they glow brighter
Techno Trolls need to stay moist otherwise they get very dry skin. Bathrooms around Trollstopia have certified spray rooms to keep them damp
They're kind of like hummingbirds. Their heartbeat can reach up to 128 beats per minute, but as they sleep it slows to 45-50 beats per minute
Caffeine crazed fish is what they are
It is kind of hard to get fat in the ocean. When you're swimming all day, the fat burns off. But that doesn't mean there aren't any on the heavy side
Techno Trolls give birth out of their nether regions, not their head like the Pop and Hard Rock Trolls. They give birth after 1-2 months and then wait another couple of days, a week, or 2 depending on the egg
The ocean isn't all that fun like the pop lands, King Trollex had his fair share of fencing off predators. Most predators are chased away if possible, and if not they get added to their various diets of fish and kelp
Trollex is the eldest of his siblings, Synth being the youngest out of 10
Royalty and high officials wear special scrunchies, King Trollex has tri-color puff bulb hair tie or he adorns a crown. While ambassadors and nobles wear less attractive or unnoticeable hair ties
Residents live in copious styles of houses
Houses made from hardened sand structures and rock pillars, coral homes, and drift wood
I would imagine the royal palace being like the one from SpongeBob where king triton lives
I don't know what I'm writing but I just love the movies since I was a kid and just remembered techno trolls not getting the love they deserved.
Ask me anything I'm ready to go down this tunnel of dreamwork trolls
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charmedreincarnation · 5 months
Note
Forget the rant I wrote earlier I'm sorry lmao. Didn’t mean to trauma dump. Was just crying after another failed attempt and needed some guidance kinda now. Lmao now I feel embarrassed. Don’t bother yourself with it :)
I saw it and won’t post it as you wish but I just want to say this anyways! Emotions are a part of us; they make us human. They're not something to be scared of or repressed, they're something to be embraced, understood, and expressed.
When I started practicing the law of attraction (🤮🤮)I thought I had to suppress all my 'negative' emotions. For a whole year, I bottled up my feelings, thinking that only positivity could bring about the life I wanted. But guess what? Nothing much came out of it.
I've learned that our negative emotions don't define our journey, they're just a part of being human. It's okay to have moments of weakness, to cry, to get angry. It's how we handle these emotions and return to our state of balance that matters. We can jump for joy one moment and feel down the next - that's life. It doesn't mean our dreams won't come true.
Outside of an Loa perspective, I’ve never dieted but I reminds me of the convo around it as well. You know those days where people talk about indulging in their favorite treats and they feel like they’ll gain 50 pounds overnight just because of one snack or one and day? But then there are also hundreds of other specific days where they ate healthily, maybe even skipped meals, and yet they don't magically transform into a Bella hadid overnight. It's not about the one-off days, it's about the overall journey.
So here's a little reminder: allow yourself to feel, to be human. Don't suppress your emotions, and just return back to the imagination and focus on the story you’re creating there and not your reactions to the 3D
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olderthannetfic · 8 months
Note
Ok, so my pregnancy story, seeing as no one else volunteers, is hilarious.
I got chronic hiccups.
Somewhere around the fifth month it started and the amount of hiccups in a day averaged between 50 and 100. They mostly happened when I was in motion, so sitting down/up, walking and talking. They didn't happen while I was eating or sleeping and I was also on a two semester leave from University so they had no negative effects on my professional or day-to-day life.
I didn't go to a doctor at first because I thought they would just stop on their own after the birth. They didn't but luckily I found Germany's only doctor who specializes in chronic hiccups who also worked in my university town. She told me some things about this disease:
In most people it's caused by stomach problems, so her first recommendation is a change of diet. Nothing too hot or cold, nothing acidic. For medication which causes the stomach problems it was more complicated but that part was of no concern to me. Chronic hiccups can also be caused by tumors in the brain or strokes.
Why stomach problems? Because an important nerve runs close to the stomach which can get irritated and cause the hiccups. In my case it was the size and the weight of the baby that pressed on the nerve and the "damage/irritation" didn't stop after the baby itself was gone.
It took about 4 or 5 months for the nerve to heal from that weight and afterwards my hiccup levels were in the normal human range again. Newborns also have hiccups daily, so me and my child were hiccuping together for some time.
For normal social interactions I learnt that most people will offer you water to help with the hiccups. My mother-in-law on the other hand didn't stop making the same hiccup joke every time we met and until this day people will ask me if I'm pregnant again when I hiccup a little too often at ones.
--
Ahaha! Oh god! I didn't know that was a thing! (But yeah, there are all sorts of weird nerve things, like how chronic gut problems and headache disorders go together.)
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