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okay-victoria · 3 years

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Random Personal Rant

For anyone somehow here not from the original thread, this started off me getting asked what finishing school is and me getting shit off my chest that is only mildly relevant about how I could both be of the social class that gets sent to finishing school and grows up on welfare.

With an understanding that in many parts of the world it wouldn't qualify as so, as far as the US goes, my dad is from what counts as a very old money family from Baltimore & Philadelphia. Both his siblings went to college and one now owns a major hedge fund, and his sister is married to a C-level executive at a huge conglomerate. His parents went to college. His grandparents went to college. All eight of his great grandparents went to college. My dad...did not go to college. He was not about that life, and while I don't mean it as an insult, when I say his primary occupation until I was ~5 was a drummer in a mediocre band I mean that he opened for a lot of great acts, and if you lived in the Boston to Atlanta area in the 80s you may have heard him play, but he was never a huge national name. But he wasn't an amateur band playing for free at some random local gig either.

My mom grew up on a chicken farm in a Mennonite family in Pennsylvania but also completely rejected her heritage and became a model, sort of like my father, of mediocre status. Not Giselle Bundchen, but had national contracts and if you have a Graco ad/box from 1990-1993 you might see both me and her on it. They met because my mom's friends placed bets, one each, on who could sleep with a member of their favorite local band first and my mom picked my dad and...my mom was actually supposed to go be a model in Tokyo and found out she was pregnant with me and couldn't go 😂

So, after my parents had two kids back to back with a third on the way and determined they needed lifestyles more in line with having three children, they became much poorer than they originally were because my mom stopped working and my dad, with a barely-passed-high-school education but needing a true "day job" worked day labor in construction. My dad's father was too proud to give us money/help if my dad didn't beg for it; despite having eventually four young children my dad never did so we ended up on all the state assistance programs one could imagine. My grandma jokes that dinners at my parents house were BYOC - bring your own chair, because we didn't own any.

My mother and paternal grandmother had no such pride issues and I live in eternal gratitude that my welfare childhood was not as crappy as it should have been because my grandmother would have my mom accompany her on grocery runs and buy us food without my father or grandfather knowing, and every Christmas and birthday my grandparents/godparents could give us the one big ticket gift all the kids wanted that year. But, on the other side, I once got stung by a bee inside my mouth because my brother threw a hairbrush through a cracked window at me and broke it and we couldn't afford to fix it for about two years and a hornet got in one day and rested himself in my coke can (my parents were the very American type that fed me coca-cola in baby bottles at age 8 when I was jealous of my younger siblings lol).

It is hard not to believe in "toxic masculinity" when two men warring over dumbass pride issues would rather their children/grandchildren go without food than suck it up and decide 'help' isn't the worst word in the English language, and you know you've only been saved by two women who came from totally different backgrounds and entirely disapproved of each other but reached out the hand to shake when it came down to toddlers getting the short end of the don't-bend-the-knee stick. It wasn't that either of the men were bad people, I loved them both and got along great with both, but on a societal level I feel they were socialized in a very fucked up way if that was the end result, as both claimed "male pride" in these instances [my dad took multiple thousands of dollars I'd saved from working during college from me during the 2008-2010 financial crisis and didn't tell me and that was the reason I was given for why I hadn't been informed/asked, because it would be too emotionally difficult for an adult man to ask a young woman. My graduation present was them repaying me 1/3 of the money they'd taken from me without asking because I'd like, trusted them when it had been in a joint account that was a holdover from when I was <18 and couldn't have my own bank account].

While in some ways my parents on the surface achieved the American dream of going from nothing to a bunch of money, the real factor in play was that my dad's father was the bank. My parents had no credit and couldn't get real loans. My dad worked construction and during the two major periods that flipping houses was very lucrative, he never had to get an actual loan or pay actual interest, he just had to ask his father to pay out cash and then repay him at a flat 2% interest rate that didn't even accrue over time, just...whenever you are ready, repay the value of the loan + 2%. Because my father was doing something productive, in these instances, my grandfather was happy to pay, because it wasn't giving away money, it was loaning it. I had a very weird situation of mostly being poor but like also getting taken to the "big donors" events at the Kennedy Center and my grandparents regularly buying me a dress as a child worth more than my mom's wedding dress and also needing to pretend I fit in with these people.

And look. When I say "these people"...honestly, by and large, most wealthy people, whether inherited or not, are not the assholes you want to imagine. Most of them are extremely nice. Most of them are generous when it comes to the less fortunate who are in their personal sphere of being. Most of them are just really out of touch. The 100% kindest of all of them that I know once relayed to me that she thought people would be happier if once a year they did what she did...go to the airport with a purse packed full of absolute necessities, buy a one way ticket to the most appealing destination on the flight board, buy your clothes and book your accommodations after you'd arrived, and come back after you felt you'd 'centered' yourself. She didn't understand why there were so many unhappy people who weren't taking this very obvious route to being happier. I didn't quite know how to explain that saying "most" people couldn't afford to do that either financially or from a job/career angle didn't even cover it, as "most" sounds like 70% instead of 99.7%.

I was both my parents eldest son and eldest daughter in the worst combination possible. I was the eldest son because I was the most stereotypically male of all my siblings, in everything from desire to physically fight the battles I was given to dislike of shopping/fashion to lack of emotional connection to my relationships, so I can now fix your average household plumbing/drywall/electrical issue better than most "city" guys I interact with and remain less clingy to them in the process. I was also very much the oldest daughter from a responsibility perspective, I managed our household and from age 10 - 24 managed the finances of our family business, my mom almost died giving birth to my youngest brother after a ruptured uterus that should never have happened in the first place if we had adequate insurance to get her a non-emergency C-section (I was just past 9 years old at the time) and I was informally withdrawn from school for two years to take care of the family when she couldn't because there is no paid parental leave in the US and we got double-fucked by the medical industry because she got a bad "mesh" put in and then had to have a further surgery to repair that which we also had to pay for and didn't have the money to win a lawsuit over.

I don't know quite how to put this, but in the deepest fuck you of the universe, my rich-immigrant-ggggg grandfather's money led to him owning banks, insurance companies, etc, and the family cashed out in a big way when their ownership was bought by and merged with what is now Cigna, one of the biggest US healthcare insurers, and my nuclear family specifically got screwed by the American health insurance industry, but anyway, we were the people selected for that karmic comeuppance so if you want to feel schadenfreude at my expense, I'll allow it without begrudging the sentiment, my family might have fucked up your family’s life too, not just their own.

I got up twice a night to feed my brother because my dad had to sleep unmolested in my room to get to work and my mom was too weak to carry my brother or even hold him against her while she nursed so I had to hold him up to her. Adjusting to living in a city and hearing lots of random noises all the time was not easy when I'd had mom sound instincts from age 9.

I learned to drive the fall my youngest bro was born because my mom couldn't and I had to get my middle brother to preschool and go the grocery store on my own. While I hold absolutely no ill will towards my father or grandfather for this and given that about 1/3 of my paternal family either has an autism diagnosis or should, I fully feel the struggles they both went through to be communicated with, my father wouldn't ask for help, and my grandmother that lived 20 minutes away couldn't give enough help because my grandfather refused to do a single dish on his own as that was outside their "marriage contract" type agreement and she couldn't ever stay with us overnight when there wasn't a clearly-communicated need, so they let the burden fall on a 9 - 11 year old child and that really shaped a lot of my life in both good and bad ways. My youngest brother is 22, and we have only just climbed out of the medical debt his birth left us with between my dad's life insurance and my oldest brother and I paying for the extra cost of out-of-state college tuition.

The irony of all of this is that because my father died before his father, when my grandmother dies, my siblings and I will all inherit enough money (as a non-blood relative my mom, despite keeping her vows to part at death and not having remarried in eight years, is cut out entirely) to make this a non-issue, but my grandfather couldn't conscience spotting his unluckiest child some money in the end of days to pay for my youngest two brothers' education and take that worry off my father as he was dying. The day before he died I had to hold him down in bed to keep him from trying to climb in his truck to go to work because he was so anxious about trying to provide for us in spite of his father having fuck you money, because his father didn't think it was fair to the other siblings (who, at the time, still owned a major hedge fund and were married to a C-level executive of a huge conglomerate). A day and a half later I went back to my job because at the time I was then the sole provider for the family and didn't want to risk asking for the standard week's bereavement leave when I knew I was capable of showing up at work the next day and was fresh out of college so hadn't built up a reputation yet.

My father worked the day each of us was born, so I suppose it is only fair and he smiled at the choice. In spite of what it may seem, I gave a baller and very heartfelt speech at his funeral to all his rich friends that over and above everything, he'd taught us how to be happy with our own lives no matter what, and multiple of them emailed my mom in the aftermath to say they'd reassessed their relationship with their children in light of it, although...tbh I kind of doubt that lasted and they probably changed nothing 😅. The last good talk I had with him, two weeks before he died [his liver was going and it sent toxins to his brain that de-personed him after that and he no longer recognized me as his daughter, but as his sister], I reassured him that though we would all be sad he'd gone, we'd live on just fine without him because that's how he'd raised us, and according to my mom that was what gave him the final bit of peace he needed. Although honestly, I don't think I will ever see the strength in another human again that it took my grandmother to sit next to him and stroke his hand and tell him to close his eyes and imagine he was happy on a beach and die, for God's sake, because he was unaware and in pain and just prolonging it for our sake by then.

That type of obsession my grandfather had with assessing his children and grandchildren on the basis of economic productivity and a very black and white idea of "fair" is one you don't easily forget, I promise you. My hedge fund uncle is currently positioning himself to screw us out of our inheritance because of janky writing in the will and I'm doing my fuck all best to gain the wherewithal to go toe-to-toe with this cold motherfucker in court as the oldest and representative member of my happily much nicer and softer younger brothers who I want to remain that way not because I even care that much about the money, I know what bills affect your credit first and what you can put off paying and all of us have good enough career prospects to do our own thing, but just because I want to give the middle finger to a man that was a multi-millionaire and drew lines on his milk and orange juice bottles when I came over so he knew if I drank what my parents couldn't afford when I was approximately six. Anyway, ask me why I support major reforms in wealth taxation. I don't care who it goes to, just not that guy, you feel?

Having expendable income was very exciting for a bit after I started working but once I got to the hateable point of assessing my annual bonus and internally complaining that I'd spent the money I should have spent on a Sauternes cellar to drop five digits on bedset materials (to be fair they are drop dead gorgeous, very comfy and the factory pays a living wage for people to handmake the sheets/duvets/pillows to people in San Francisco, which is not cheap, so maybe I did more good than harm with that), I two seconds later nodded to myself and went "the government needs to confiscate more money from me". The narrative is always that the "undeserving" will use it for dumb things they don't need like iPhones or refrigerators...?...but like...I could also have gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a very nice sheet/comforter set for at most a tenth of what I paid so am I really spending it responsibly either....?....who is going to get more joy out of this misspent money....?....not me, that is for sure, I probably would have had more fun going to BBB and laying on all the demo beds and buying something there.

My lifelong dream, which may become possible if/when I do have something of an inheritance, is to provide food security for one of the many towns in the US were most residents don't have it. It's the thing I remember the most distinctly over the years. I never could quite believe it when I got to the point that I could just...pay to eat at a restaurant. One of the most disappointed my mother has ever been in me is when I was twenty five and confessed I actually had no idea how much a gallon of milk cost in a city grocery store besides that it was probably between $1 and $5, because I didn't have to know. For now I make a weekly drop off of my excess produce to a mom group I met under somewhat weird circumstances but I was walking through the cut-through that went through the low-income housing back to my apartment at like 2 AM on a Saturday and these moms were out there partying and smoking weed with their kids all strapped in strollers around or the older ones watched by a rotating member of the group and I felt very safe and like these moms had a very good vibe of both living their own lives [seriously for mental health parents but in most cases specifically mothers need to be able to keep up relationships with people their age] but keeping their children safe and accounted for while doing so and trying their fuckin' best against all the odds to figure out how to make that happen when life had dealt them a shit hand.

...anyway, looping way back to the original question of what finishing school is, when I was almost done with middle school my dad had built a legit construction business that then very quickly took off because we lived in a commutable zip code to the now-rich-in-their-own-right people he went to high school with who trusted him to redo their homes. We eventually moved to that zip code but I stayed and commuted back to my old high school. But, i was a pretty wild kid which my father appreciated for a long while because I would follow him around on jobs and enjoy doing physical labor, but once I was mid-puberty and also he had to maybe show me to his high school friends that did not fly.

I snapped - not broke, snapped - my left thumb and my parents had to trap me like a wild animal to get me to go the hospital. Then I got a deep cut that partially injured a tendon in my leg and at eleven I tried to beat the shit out of my dad to prevent him from picking me up to strap me in the car and go to the hopsital. Next I got a deep splinter due to my eternal-barefoot tendencies and it wouldn't come out so got infected and I refused to go to the doctor [another weird back story but I was minorly sexually assaulted [[to be clear, not raped or anything big traumatic]] when I was eight and had to stay in hospital for a week and my parents couldn't be with me all the time so I have a permanent heebie-jeebie about going to the hospital, not true anxiety, I will go if I know I need to and I don't breathe heavy or anything, and I'm actually not permanently weirded out by sex or anything, just doctors in hospitals specifically I kind of unconsciously try to justify not needing to the extent I can rationalize it] and my dad was tired of my antics so he was like "fine if you don't go I will slice your foot in half with a Swiss Army knife to get it out" and I called his bluff and laid down on the floor, stuck my foot on his lap, and he didn't really know what to do when a barely fourteen year old girl called his bluff so my brothers watched in fascinated but horrified awe as I got my foot sliced open spectacularly so that the infection/splinter could come out and I didn't even make a sound out of spite despite it being quite painful to my recollection almost twenty years later.

They saw me cry from pain exactly one time when while trying to break up a fight between all three of them (it was over ice cream) I got pushed and my ankle got dislocated and what actually made me cry was snapping it back in place and they realized it was not a joke. These dumb assholes that I love have ragged on me for "skipping" chores the day after I was in the hospital because the day before that I had to spend 18 hours running Thanksgiving as a good sub-hostess like I didn't have a serious infection that needed treating and couldn't rest because none of them were up to any task beyond peeling potatoes.

After the Swiss Army knife incident, my dad's discussion of sending me to finishing school became real, which I knew when my mom made me take a walk with her and talked about it. Finishing school is like...etiquette school....? In ye olden day when finishing high school was not the norm for anyone, wealthy men finished high school and wealthy women often went to "finishing" school to have a combined education on being a proper lady but also being able to hold a decent conversation with your presumably-educated husband, so it wasn't entirely etiquette non-academic. It was more just like "what a rich man wants in a wife" school, which was sort of household management and knowing enough about cleaning/cooking to correct the staff if they fucked up, how to be a polite hostess, and how to not entirely bore him when you were alone together and had done your five minutes of sex or whatever so actually had to have a conversation. In modern times it has obviously expanded to be less bleak.

I said miss me with that, I can be a girl on my own, so I went full throttle into the girliest sport they offer in high school and ever since have gained the inestimable advantage of knowing how to also use femininity to my advantage, which I am very grateful to my parents for making me learn. It would be great if we lived in a world where that didn't count, but it did/still does, and they really set me up to operate in all the worlds.

It is weird for me to tell the story to Internet strangers because it's one of those things that makes your parents sound terrible and abusive in the general tone of the Internet nowadays, and while I support gender nonconforming children I don't remember my childhood or parents that way. But, I feel like the bits and pieces of my life I've given don't always make a ton of sense together without the context, so here it is, and in the end, I think a number of parts of it are areas where you can probably understand where it makes me have the opinions I do when I write.

Anyhoo, this makes my life sound far worse than it is, I actually have a great life and I am not unhappy with it at all and feel I was on the whole blessed with many more turns of luck than unluck, so, please, do not take this as a depressed artist rant, it is more like a rant of a very energetic person who rants about a lot of things all the time and didn’t need to come out but just did because the question was asked and the time was right with my life being in a bit of flux to think about how I got where I am and where I want to go and why.

Always remember no matter what problems it seems like I have, if I didn’t solve them on my 2 year round the world traveling hiatus I took from working, it’s my own fault, I definitely had the time and money to solve them and just chose not to.

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megastarstriker · 4 years

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{𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫}

~Nikki Sixx x reader~

======================

★Prologue★

“Pilot: When L.A. Burns”

Part 2

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< Prologue (Part 1)

Warnings: Cussing, suggestive jokes, slight angst and mention of violence

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: When her step-brother and ex-roommate ,Casey Jensen(Cage), decides to leave home to go to L.A. and form a band. Although hesitant, she decides to take his invitation to go with him to escape her alone and pain-in the-ass life behind. Looking back as she leaves, she wonders if she made the right decision or if she should go back.( I don’t own Mötley Crüe or the actors used in this story, I only own the plot and the band characters I made up. This book and maybe for the entirety of it, will be based off and detailed from the books the Dirt and the Heroin Diaries. Some lines are used from the movie the Dirt, all of these books or movie lines that I mentioned that I will use for the story belong to their creators.)

Taglist: @leatherandheels @xxqueencolourxx @suranne-doesstuff @littlemisscare-all , @niksixx, @nikkisiexx, @nikki-fucking-sixx @prettyyoungandbored @matchaandhoney @savannahgrace98, @metalheartofgold, @dustnbones , @sikinikx, @seventieshead-modernlover, @tbonelee, @mrsixx, @queen-crue, @mikaiya1313, @ginny-rose-sixx, @bus-jackson,

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED TO THIS STORY WITH AN ASK MESSAGE 💕

𝙆𝙚𝙮𝙨:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

(N/N) - Nickname

(S/C) - Skin Color

(E/C) - Eye Color

(H/C) - Hair Color

(H/L) - Hair Length

(F/S) - Favorite Shirt

(F/F) - Favorite Food

(F/D) - Favorite Drink

(L/C) - Lipstick Color

(F/A) - Favorite Animal

Characters:

BEN HARDY as CASEY CAGE

MÖTLEY CRÜE as THEMSELVES

WILLIAM FICHTNER as ROBERT JENSEN

___________________________________________________

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1978, L.A. - Whiskey -a- Go Go, Backstage.

“You’re out of the band”, The man said simply as he was holding a cigarette to his lips as he looked at a young man with messy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Holding the guitar in his hand, he gripped tightly as he looked at the guy who gave him the news as he stood there, still smoking his cigarette,” You’re obviously not cut out for this. Too slow and too much of a waste if we kept you.”

Casey stood there with a shocked, yet pissed look at the man as the sharp and hurting words reached his ears. He turned his attention to the other members who didn’t speak up or anything and simply just minded their own business.” So this is how it is then.”, Casey said as he looked down, trying so hard not to punch the asshole that took him off the band he formed,” Alright. I see. If you’re gonna seriously take someone of the band it should be yourself you fucking asshole.”

“We don’t need you anymore. We already found another guitarist.”

“Look if you’re gonna whine like a baby. Do it outside.”, The other man, with brunette hair and who was next to the guy said in a pissed manner as he approached him. Holding his hands out as he shoved and pushed him away in a rude manner.,” Back off.”

Casey took this as offense and punched him in the center of his face. When this occurred the brunette and him started to fight each other punch after punch and kick after kick, as the others were alerted immediately and tried to get them from each others claws and from killing each other.

As they separated the brunette from the blonde on the floor, Casey’s lip had a tear, that started drip with blood and the side of his eye had an ugly bruise, but it wasn’t any prettier for the guy standing above him who was being restrained by two other men. His nose was busted, and blood was slowly trailing from underneath it towards his lips as it reached down his chin, in a brutal manner.

Casey then stood up from the ground, slightly wincing in pain as he held his side, looking at the men with a furious gaze. If looks could kill those men would be dead in the most gruesome way possible, like a tiger ripping a part its prey. “ What the fuck is wrong with you?!”, one of the members shouted at him.

He stood up as he tried his best to not limp, looking at the members, his brows still furrowed at them as he looked at his bruised knuckles.” I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong. I quit!! ”

He then took the strap of his guitar and swung it to the wall, smashing and breaking it in half. He then threw the broken neck of the guitar that was still in his hands and threw it above the group.

“So Fuck you and go to hell with you all!!”

“Because you’ve just lost yourself a musician who can actually play unlike the rest of you cunts.”

He then looked at the lead singer who was behind the guy with the broken nose.

“Just so were clear....”

He then took a glass cup with a few drops of whiskey and threw it at the guy a few inches away from him. Smashing at the wall behind him with a clear shatter.

“Your singing sucks balls!”

He then exited the room before taking the bottle of Jack Daniels with him and leaved the area outside. It was cold and dark, neon lights illuminating the streets, with crowds of people in every corner in the Sunset Strip. There was many people around him doing a load of crazy sort of things. Whether it was smoking, doing drugs, drinking, or having sex it didn’t matter. He was now busy in trying to figure out how to tell (Y/N) about the fact that he was out of the band.

“Shit, I seriously fucked up now. Didn’t I?”, He said under his breath as the wind flew past him, brushing few of his messy strands to the side of his face.,” Fuck!”

He grabbed at his hair in frustration as he cursed at himself. He thought about how you would feel about all of this. If she would be angry or sad? or worse? He was supposed to be the responsible sibling and friend. Yet, here he was messing everything up for the both of you. Ever since that day... when they both made that deal. He promised himself and mainly to her, he would try his best to make a living together, and never break it. He didn’t want her to leave back to they’re parents. They were bad people. He knew it and he knows she knew it too. But she was very sympathetic, always ignoring the bad and trying to change it for the good. That’s how she managed to even befriend him.

Thinking about you now that the show was finished, Casey then decided to enter the bar once again as he finished getting his stuff packed. Not wasting, anytime he finished the beer he took from the backstage and threw it on the ground, disposing of it. He knew you were waiting in there, as he saw you watching the gig at a distance swaying a bit to the music. So that’s what he did, he went inside the bar and just like that....

════ ════ ⋆★⋆ ════ ════

“Get the hell off of me!”, I yelled at the guy who was obviously shitfaced from too many drinks. I tried my best to be polite to the guy and told him I wasn’t interested, but he wasn’t having any of it apparently. So here I was in the most horrible situation any girl could ever be in.” Let me go, Damnit!”

I said as I repeatedly slapped his gripping hand from mine, only to figure out it only made him grip it much tighter. Knowing it wasn’t working I took the opportunity and used the heel on my boot and with whatever force I could muster brought it down to his foot and squished it.

“You Little Bitch!”, The man shouted in a groan filled with pain from the impact on his foot I gave him. In one swift movement he slapped me with his free hand, causing me to stumble and fall on the floor as I held my burning cheek that stung, making me wince by just touching it. “Now you’re really gonna get it.”, He said in a menacing tone as he stood above and towered over me, making me feel cornered with no way out. I ,of course, started to panic and without thinking I quickly kicked him in the groin. Causing him to bend down and grab it in pain, I tried scooting myself away from him and try to stand up. But as soon as I did, the guy just grabbed me by my neck and propped me against the wall. Alarmed and extremely anxious, I started to breath heavily as tears started to brink at my eyes. I tried clawing at his hand that was gripping slowly at my neck. “P-please stop!”, I said loudly and a bit out of breath from the pressure at my throat.

“Listen here. You can cry and shout all you want girly, but no ones gonna hear ya. Got it.”, He whispered lowly and uncomfortably next to my ear, causing me to gag at the strong smell of booze coming from him,” So why don’t you be good girl and shut that pretty mouth of yours.”

“The hell’s going on here?”, A voice said from nearby, from a slight glimpse I could see a young lean and tallish man with long, brown and slightly curly hair, wearing a leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt with leopard printed pants that looked a bit small on him. The guy had this look of suspicion, but then changed as he saw what really was going on. “Hey! Back off you’re hurting her!”, the guy said.

But the man didn’t do anything I looked at the young brown-haired guy with a pleading look as tears stained my reddish cheeks. “ I said let her go you jackass!”

Suddenly, as if a miracle just happened I caught a glimpse of blonde hair rushing behind the drunk man who was gripping my neck harshly, and felt his weight pressed against me disappear as he was pulled and ripped away from me. I then fell on the floor as his hand lost its grip and coughed a bit violently as I breathed the air heavily. I then noticed someone else punching one of the men who assaulted me, along with the blonde guy who had the shitfaced guy pressed up against the wall.

Casey...

“Is that how you treat a chick you fucking asshole”, Casey sneered at the guy as he kicked the guy on his side. The guy that was being brutally kicked and punched by him shuffled away from him as Casey panted.

Slowly, I started having a panic attack as tears started to drip from my eyes, I then felt two hands grip my shoulders softly, and as I traced them they belonged to the guy who tried helping me. My (E/C) irises locked with soft hazel ones as they traced my terrified and teary eyed ones in concern. He then put his hands on my face gently and gingerly, causing me to flinch at the contact, not only because it was from a complete stranger, but because of the bruise I had that lingered on my cheek.

“H-Hey, are you okay.”, He asked me as he looked at my face, a bit out of breath as he scanned my face to look for any injuries. He then noticed me wince as he made little pressure with his soft hands on my cheek. He then left his hands of my face as he held them up slightly in defense and mumbled a little ‘sorry’ that sounded genuine and quite sheepish. “ I just want to make sure you’re okay, Dude. I’m not gonna hurt you like that shit-faced guy did, Okay.”

I nodded silently and whispered an ‘okay’ completely trusting him as I was still quite traumatized and panicked with what just happened. I then saw Casey from the corner of my eyes as he looked at me. His baby blue eyes that were fused with rage and anger turning into concern and worrisome as he rushed over towards me before turning to the other guy.

“Are you another one of those assholes!”, He shouted at him as he raised his fist up his whole body leaning over his sitting figure.

“Woah, Chill man! I didn’t try to do anything to her I swear, Dude.”, He replied as he held his hands up slightly to tell him that he wasn’t part of the almost sex assault that just happened,” I just saw the chick getting strangled by the guy and sort of kicked his ass for it, but that’s it!”

Casey then as he still held his fist to the guy, turned his eyes to me for confirmation and I slowly nodded a ‘yes’ towards him. He then lowered his fist and backed away slowly from my ‘savior’. Casey then went to my side and reached over to look at my face and noticed the marks on my neck and cheek,” That fucker.” he muttered harshly under his breath with furrowed brows as he gulped slowly at the lump in his throat.

“Thank you”, I told the guy as he looked between me and Casey.

“Its cool, someone had to step in to teach those men a lesson, and with the many punches we gave to those dickhead’s....”, He replied as he made a punching motion as if he were boxing in a comedic manner, ”They’ll never wanna come back now and mess with us.”

I laughed a bit with a wince as he did that.” You’re not a boxer.”

“Whose to say that? You never know what’s under these fucking fists.” He replied with a grin as he held his fist up in a fighting stance.

I chuckled again at his goofy manner as he joined in along with my brother who was trying so hard to keep a bold hard face, but couldn’t from how ridiculous the guy was being and so he joined in the laughter.

“Name’s Tommy Bass, but my friend’s call me Tommy”, the guy said as he held his hand out in a greeting and friendly fashion.

“(Y/N)”, I answered as I held his hand shaking it softly. The guy named Tommy seemed very enthusiastic and excited in his own childish but cute way.

He then looked to my brother over my shoulder while he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, sitting next to me in the ground.” Casey Cage, but Casey is just fine.”, Casey simply said followed with a sigh.

“Rad name. You were also pretty fucking hardcore, by the way when you kicked that guy in the nuts, you really showed him.”, Tommy complimented with a happy smile as he then went to fumble something on his pocket and took it out to reveal a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. My brother in return just shrug his shoulders, like he didn’t really care whether he thought it was cool or not, but the smile on his face proved he was kind of happy to hear it.,

We all talked for a few hours making me feel more calm and relaxed and a whole lot stressed from what just happened a few moments ago.

“ Look I know we just got out of some messed up shit, but I was thinking maybe we could all go down to the diner down the street and hang out there. It’ll cool things down, lighten the mood Y’know. They’ve got some killer pancakes too. That’s if you dudes are cool with it.”

I laughed softly at Tommy’s adorable behavior, and thought about what he said for a moment. To be honest, it was a great idea. The last thing I wanted to think about was getting almost raped and my virginity away by those bastards. It’ll calm me down from my anxious and shocked state. Besides, Casey being there it will make me feel safer. His suggestion was all for good intentions too and he did save my life it was the least I could do. Plus, he seemed pretty friendly, and I want to get to know him better. After all, he did just comfort me and beat the guy’s ass and teeth off.” Well, I am kind of hungry and I think you are pretty cool. Sure. Lead the way.”

“Okay then, Let’s go.”, Tommy cheered as he stood up and took the cigarette out of his mouth for a moment, letting the smoke leave his rosy lips, before putting it back on his mouth, giving me a tight-lipped smile that adorned his face very nicely, the sense of its comfort making me smile as well.

Casey gave me and Tommy a face that read “seriously” to us both, as he raised an eyebrow.

“What?”, Tommy and I said in unison as we looked at him in confusion, as we started to walk away from the cramped and dark alleyway, that had barely any light.

“Nothing.”, Casey replied as he shook his head in disbelief as he uncrossed his arms, letting them fall gently at his side, as he let his back scoot away from the wall and walked towards us, dusting his pants of as he did. Following Tommy, we walked side by side all three of us on the sidewalk of the street.

A few moments passed and it was somewhat quite. Awfully quiet. I thought of asking Casey about his broken lip and his bruised eye, but I somehow decided against it. I knew it couldn’t have been from the fight, being that he didn’t get punched rather he was the one who attacked first.’ Did something happen to him while he was backstage?’ I thought as I pondered a bit over that fact. I knew he was perfectly fine with defending himself and standing strong, being that he did just punched that bastard and he has been in many fight in the past. But as his closest friend and only sibling, I couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about him. Sure he was sometimes a jerk and all, he sometimes got himself into trouble, but still...

“So, what kind of music do you like?”, Tommy asked breaking me from my thoughts and the ice that was growing between us as we walked quietly, his bright eyes met mine,” Rock ‘N’ Roll?”

“Yeah, we listen to rock n roll. Both of us.”, I answered with a sweet smile as I gestured to Casey who was walking silently beside us both, his shoes grazing the pavement beneath him with each step, limping slightly as he did.

“Really?! Sick!”, He replied as he held a rock sign on his hand with a joyful grin on his lips, ”What bands do you listen to?”

“We listen to AC/DC, Kiss, Queen, Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones, and a whole lot more than I can count.”, I laughed a bit as I listed.

“Nice, What’s your favorite. Mine’s is KISS, their music is fucking fire.”, He said in a almost awed manner as he talked about them.

“Well, I think every band has their own charm and flaw that makes them unique and a favorite to everyone. But since you asked, I love AC/DC.”

“Not Bad, babes. I think their pretty sweet too.”, He said as he glanced out at me through the corner of his eye, as he smoked his cigarette.

As we were approaching the diner up ahead, a few drops of what appear to be rain came to fall from the late midnight sky, wetting my jacket a bit. Tommy and Casey noticed it too as they felt the raindrops that turned into almost pouring water to fall on their dry heads.

“Last one to the diner is an old chicken!”, Tommy yelled as he ran his fast legs carrying him to the diner. His hair flying behind him as he ran like crazy as if his life depended on it.

“No fair! You got a head start.”, I yelled as I laughed a bit, running behind Tommy, as Casey started to run beside me, the rain pouring down to the grown and underneath our feet each second.

“Slowpoke!”, He yelled back as he kept running at a fast pace, reaching the diner’s doors. He held his arms wide in the air, as he released two rock signs on both of his hands.

I then stopped running as I stood in front of Tommy, Casey right beside me, holding his mouth as he tried not to laugh at my tired expression.

“Finally, for a second I thought you were gonna be last!”, Tommy laughed out as he held the door to the diner.

“What is that suppose to mean?”, I asked in a sassy remark with my arms crossed as I furrowed my brows.

“Ooh, Cocky are we?”, He replied as he held the door for me with a grin,” Ladies first.”

“Asshole”, I muttered lowly but a bit louder enough so he can hear me, as I tried to suppress a growing grin on my face.

Looking at inside the diner, it was pretty much packed with a lot of people in different booths. Luckily there was an empty one from between a couple of ones that were full. We took a seat on the empty booth, Casey went on the front, inside as I followed and entered on the edge of the seat, Tommy sitting across from us both and waited until the waitress came to take our order.

The place was loud and filled with chattering as the people around us talked, the only ones quiet and waiting patiently was us. Tommy was impatiently tapping his foot on the ground like a little kid waiting for the school bell to ring for the end of school, while Casey with a bored look took a napkin from the tabletop napkin holder, rolled it up a bit. As he held his nose with one hand, leaning his head back, and with the other placed the rolled up napkin inside, as hints of blood started to drip from underneath his bruised nose.

“Damn, that nose looks seriously fucked up. Did you get into a fight with someone?”, Tommy asked directly at Casey as he looked at my brother’s wound on his lip, nose, and on the side of his eye, hissing at the sight. Casey simply turned his head away as he dabbed the napkin into his lip holding it in place to stop the bleeding, ignoring his comment as he simply didn’t want to talk about it, avoiding his question. Tommy took this as away to not lead that conversation forward and simply dismiss it, as he leaned his upper half body on the table, both of his arms standing and laying on it for support as he scratched his head, while his head was turned away to look at something else.

Then as if it were a miracle, the waitress came and stood before us. Tommy instantaneously sat up as he looked at the young attractive waitress that was holding a small notepad and pen in her hand. “May I take your order?”

“I’ll have Blueberry Pancakes, please and maybe something a little extra...”, He replied to the waitress as he flirted with her. Getting the message, the waitress simply rolled her eyes at him and looked towards the both of us, awaiting our order so she can write it down.

“Umm..”, I tried to think as I looked at the menu that was placed in front of me,” a (F/F) and (F/D) would be nice.”

Then the lady looked towards my brother, in which in return he stared at her, while she tapped her foot at the outside corner of the table.

“I’ll have a Jack-”Casey managed to say, before I stomped his foot that was next to mine from underneath the table, not letting him finish his sentence at all.

“A coke, please.”, I replied sweetly as I turned to Casey, who was pissed at me for not letting him speak to the lady and order what he really wanted.

The lady then nodded to us as she then flipped the page on her notepad and wrote, what I assumed was our orders.

“Your order will be out shortly.”, She said as she placed the pencil to her ear with a hand on her hip, as she finished writing and closed the notepad,” In the meantime, I’ll bring you guys some water while you wait.”

“Thank You.”, I said to her as she hummed in response as she left the table.

Once she was out of ear shot, Casey then spoke out,” What the hell was that for?”

“You’re not drinking. Especially, when you are gonna be the one driving the van.”, I whispered-shouted at him.

He then rolled his eyes at me and simply answered,” I wasn’t gonna get wasted like that.”

“I know, but still...”, I told him as I looked down at my lap fiddling with my fingers and my hands.

I then pressed the jacket closer to my neck trying to cover the slightly marked bruise spot there, so no one can get the wrong idea of one of the boys hurting me in any way. The world seem around us seem to move on, except for us three who where still sitting in awkward silence.

“Here”, The woman who was first attending us brought us our water,” I’ll come again when your order is ready.”

Placing the tray in front of us and then putting the glasses of water in front, she then left as she took the tray along with her.

Casey then took the water as he drank from it. I on the other hand played around with the straw inside the glass. While Tommy, was surprisingly quiet this whole time, probably feeling a bit awkward. Who am I kidding? This was awkward. We were all feeling awkward.

“So...”, Tommy started to say as he drummed his fingers on the table, pursing his lips as he tried to think of something to say, with slightly wide eyes as he looked at the table as if it were the only interesting thing right now.,” Are you guys....like a thing?”

Casey as he heard that choked on the water that he was drinking, that was brought to us on the table by the waitress as we waited for our food, and holding the napkin he had on his nose that was keeping it from bleeding in surprise, making him cough as he tried to compose his fit, his eyes watering and wide as he covered his mouth with his left arm.

“You okay?”, He asked worriedly as he watched him coughing. I looked at him as well, a hand resting on his shoulder as I tapped it gently.

Casey then in a raspy voice managed to say ‘I’m good’ as he let out a few coughs, before he finally finished.

“We...aren’t a couple.”, I responded Tommy’s question,” We’re related to each other” .In which he let out an ‘Oh’ in response, as he realized.

“Sorry, It’s just. You guys fight like an old married couple. It sorta gave me the idea you both were hooking up or dating, some shit like that.”, Tommy said laughing a bit, as he said that.

“No we are not.”, I said as I laughed a bit too, nervously.,” But you do have the arguing part, down right.”

I then looked around the place of the diner a bit as I watched people eating or just talking.

“This place is really nice, I didn’t think there was a diner near the bar we were just at.”, I said with a smile as I looked at Tommy.

“I know, right. I usually come here often after I watch a few of the gigs down at that bar,. Speaking of which...Care to tell me what a pretty chick like you was doing in a place like that?”, Tommy asked out of nowhere curiously, as he sat across me from the both we were in, trying to be flirty but at the same time to not be awkward.

“Umm, I was seeing him play, his gig, at.. the bar ,‘Whiskey-a-Go Go’.”, I replied nervously, pointing at Casey as I stared at Casey through the corner of my eyes and explained to Tommy,” He invited me to come see his show.”

“Oh, Now that you mention it....Wait a minute! I think I’ve seen you before”, Tommy said as he looked at my brother with furrowed brows, squinting his eyes and pointing at him as he tried remembering something,” No fucking way! You’re the dude that played that rad guitar solo onstage at the Whiskey.”

“Yeah, So?”, He asked slightly annoyed and defensive, I elbowed him gently as I glared at him at the corner of my eyes, trying to remind him to be nice.

“What you did onstage was so awesome. You had the whole audience begging on their fucking knees for more!.”, He said followed with a laugh as he finished his sentence.

“Well, some of them didn’t think so. Those crackheads kicked me out of their shit-show. We’re done and over with. Couldn’t be more happier about it.”, He replied lowly, mumbling the last sentence to himself, as he looked down at the napkin that he pressed on his lip, that was stained with dried blood as it trickled a bit from his torn lip.

“Dude! That’s definitely their damn loss, they are seriously gonna miss out on your skills. What you did was pretty badass. The show, not the nose, but...the Nose looks pretty badass too.”

“Yeah, the singer was such an ass.”, Casey replied in a muffle as he held the blood stained napkin in his fingers, pressed against his mouth and nose.

“Yeah I saw the banter that happened onstage. Hey, fuck him, though. He deserved it. Besides, he wasn’t much of a good one any ways.”, He said with sincerity as he looked towards my brother and then to me.

“He is right, you know. You were pretty good up there.”, I said

I nodded at him with a smile, as Casey looked towards Tommy a small smile starting to reach on his lips, but silently dismissed it as he downed more of the clear liquid from his glass of water and turned his head away from him.

“Do you play in a band?”, I asked Tommy as I drank from my still full water on the table.

“Not at the moment, But I’m planning on joining a band called ‘Suite 19′. I’m gonna be their new drummer.”, He said taking out from his belt, in what looked like to be drumsticks,” That’s when the guys decide to kick the other guy out. I talked to them about it too, But I don’t know. They are still kind of thinking about it.”

Casey then looked at him with furrowed brows as he saw the drumsticks he was carrying.” Do you carry those with you, everywhere you go?”

“Yeah.”, He said as he began to play around with his drumstick in his hand, twirling them around in a very fast motion, without making a mistake as to drop it.

“That’s great. Casey also knows how to play the drums.”, I said as he kept twirling them at a quick pace keeping his gaze at us.

“Nice. Does that mean you can do stuff like this?”, He said as he began to do many twirls around his fingers with the drumstick, in different movements all in one hand. Only for him to drop them by accident as he made the drumsticks stop turning around and rested them on his hand. Leaning down to pick them up from the ground as he muttered ‘shit’ under his breath silently.

“Huh. Not bad. Where’d you learn to do that?”, Casey asked Tommy as he kept twirling his drumsticks between his fingers.

“I’ve been practicing since I was three. Also, High school marching band. ”, He said with a sigh and laugh as he stopped twirling his drumsticks, letting them fall on the table gently, as he gave us a tight lipped smile.,” Hey, but I rock too.”

Casey looked down at the table shaking his head as he let out a chuckle to escape his mouth followed by a smirk.” Yeah, I can see that.”

Then from a distance the woman held a tray of our order towards us. She held it down on the table. and passed each of our plates in front of us. Afterwards, she placed an icepack right next to me and my food on the table. I then looked towards her only for her to respond, “Its for the bruise. It will help with the swelling. Enjoy the food, hon.”

She then left leaving me shocked and a bit happy as I thanked her shyly for the ice pack, I then placed the small ice pack around my neck, tensing at the coldness of it coming into contact with my stinging skin that still hurt quite a bit from earlier. A few moments later though I relaxed as I adjusted to the feeling.

“You seriously eat that at this time?”, I heard Casey asked Tommy from beside me.

“Yeah, I mean its Pancakes. Nothing is late ”, He said as he started to take a bite of the delicious and warm stack of pancakes.

“I know that, but Don’t you think its a bit late for that?”, I asked him with a laugh.

“Hey, food isn’t late for anything, especially Pancakes. Besides, they taste fucking amazing.”, He said a bit muffled as he started eating his Pancakes with a smile, like a kid eating a sweet treat.

“Yes, we fucking now that by now. Now can we please just eat, right now”, Casey said as he laughed afterwards a small smile on his face.

“Okay, Geez....”, I replied with a tiny laugh.

We all three laugh together, as we talked and talked, while we ate. The mood was comfortable and relaxing. Everyone was having a good time, even Casey surprisingly as well. But then it was already time to go as we finished eating our food and I checked the time on my watch.

“Anything else, you want?”, The lady prior to coming at our table with our orders said, as she stood in front of us.

“No just the check. I’ll pay”, Casey spoke as he looked at the lady in front of us taking out his wallet from his jacket’s pocket.

She nodded and went to the cash register at the front, passing around a group of people behind it. We then left the booth, and approached the register as Casey paid for the food. Afterwards, we left the place walking on the streets.

“So, what did you guys think?”, He asked as he walked beside us.

“It was nice. you’re pretty cool and you aren’t so bad at all.”, I responded a bit shyly and Casey replied with a simple ‘yeah’ as he walked to the right side of me.

“Thanks, you dudes are pretty cool too.”, He said with a laugh as we both walked towards the parking lot, where our van was parked right next to the ‘Whiskey-a- go go’. “ Do you come to this place often?”

I nodded with a yes and a small giggle,” Usually, to see bands play.”

” Guess we will be running into each other a lot, huh.” Tommy said as he put his hands in his jacket’s pockets

“Yeah, I guess so.”, I then said as I moved towards Casey.

From there, we parted ways and said goodbye to Tommy, hoping to meet again tomorrow at the same time and place for the last day of the weekend.

Entering the car and pulling away from the parking lot that was next to the bar as we drove away back to our house. It was pretty quiet. Too quiet. I wanted to talk to him about the situation about how he got fired from his band, but I new that was a very strong subject, especially since he was more calmer now then ever.

The rest of the way home was quieter than ever as a random song from the radio was playing in the car. He then parked away next to our place. and just stood there.

“I can’t believe that fucking happen to you.”, He told me all of a sudden as he kept his eyes on the wheel, making my hand pull away from the car’s doorknob as I was ready to leave the car and into the house.

“T-tommy was there when it happen and h-he saved me from that, I-its ok-, ”, I mustered to say as I kept my eyes down, and sunk my body deeper in to the passenger seat.

“No its not fucking okay, those fucking creeps could’ve raped you, because of me!”, He said guiltily with anger as he gripped the wheel a bit tighter and yelled at me,” What if- what if he wasn’t there at all! Damnit”

“Casey!”, I yelled at him so he could hear what I had to say, as he scolded himself for leaving me,” I’m fine, and that’s what matters. Stop blaming yourself for it, It wasn’t your fault. None of it, Okay. You were there too, and you prevented it from happening. Those bastard got what he deserved. I’m safe right now, because of you. You’re a good brother. And a good friend”

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes before leaving his gripping hands away from the wheel and wrapped them around me. He hugged me.

“I know. I’m just afraid that one day I’ll mess up and fail.”, He said his voice cracking by just a bit as he sucked in a breath, trying to hold his emotions together.

The grip he had on me was strong but not too tight either as he buried his face on my neck, embracing me. It startled me at first, but then I let my arms wrap around his strong frame.

“You won’t”, I reassured him with sincerity as I soothed him by rubbing his back gently. Burying my face on his firm shoulder.,” You never did.”

We stayed there for a few moments that almost lasted forever, before he moved himself away from me giving me my space.

“How can you say that. How do you know for sure?”, He said almost as a question as he stared at me softly.

“I just know.”, I told him as I held his hand in mine gently,” Trust me.”

He nodded silently at me as his blue eyes soften as he stared at mine.

We held hands and walked towards the house. As soon as Casey opened the door and turned on the lights to the house, I rushed to my room and to my bathroom. Looking at the bruise more clearly, it wasn’t that bad but it was a bit noticeable. Laying down the icepack that I carried all the way from the diner on the pale sink. Quickly, I went to the bedroom and took my midnight clothes. Then I moved on to the bathroom and closed it behind me taking my clothes off and ready to take a shower. Letting the warmth of the water above me soothe my skin and bruises, as I let my brain and thoughts relax and escape.

....

A few minutes after I got dressed and dried my damp,(H/L); (H/C) hair, I opened the cabinet underneath and pulled out a cream that helped with the mark. I applied it gently onto my skin, careful not to press or put pressure on it too much so it wouldn’t sting. Afterwards, I laid down on my bed wandering what I should do now. I thought writing in my diary or lyrics in my notebook could help. That and there is also my sketchbook in which I spend many ours drawing. As my feet came into contact with the floor, I made my way towards the closet and, reached my hands to the top it, where a bunch of boxes were resting in along with my composition books. Taking the books out from above the box, I accidentally stepped on a shoe as I backed away, causing me to slip from having to stand on my tippy-toes from how high the books were in the closet. Groaning, I stood up and looked at the box that was now opened and had a bunch of photos scattered around in the floor along with the three books. The sound of clatter caused my brother to yell.” Are you okay?!”, He asked from his room as I heard his voice through the thin walls with a yell. “Yeah! I just tripped.”, I yelled back letting him know I was fine. I then gazed towards the photos in the floor, ‘Shit..’, I thought in my head as I looked at the mess,’ Better clean it up.’

As I brought the box on my neatly made bed, I then leaned down to pick the photos each one catching my eye. I then stopped to look at them, sitting on the bed. There was a boy with blonde hair and bright eyes in the picture as he smiled with a toothy grin, one of his front baby teeth being lost, as he held a large hockey stick and wore a warm uniform in the snow. The young boy looked a lot like Casey as he had the same eyes and growing blonde hair. ‘This was Casey!..”, I thought in my head as the young boy in the photo looked exactly like him, examining further as I realized it.

I then brought my attention to the box next to me looking inside and taking the top of it, placing it gingerly to the side. Inside the box, was a photo album. Taking it out and fixing it as it was all messy from the fall and impact, I looked at the photos inside it all being the same boy; sometimes younger or a bit more older and sometimes with a moan, presumably his father, along with other people I didn’t recognize or know of.’ Was this his photo album?’, I thought as I focused on some baby pictures with the same boy, having short blonde strands on his feeble head, looking curiously at the camera in pure adorableness, as he stared with a big and cute smile on his face, that made my heart melt in awe gushingly.

Flipping through the pages, I found one that caught my sight through the corner of my eye. Stopping my actions to look at it, I inspected the photo. It wasn’t just him in the photo. There was an older yet young blonde boy wearing a light blue puffed jacket with a beanie made out of wool and jeans along with dark blue gloves, and a small girl wearing a sweater underneath her warm and big jacket along with warm gloves on her tiny hands, holding a stuffed bear as they stood in the snowy winter behind them. Staring at the camera with serious yet warm expressions in their faces. It was a photo of Casey and me.

What made it more shocking was that I remembered this day that it was taken, despite how young I was. Because it stuck to me for a very long time. It was very important to me.

========================================

1974, L.A. - New York (During Winter)

I was playing around in the snow as I was giggling happily at the sight of it. Aunt Donna was standing beside the car as she stared at me with a warm smile. Grandma was on the porch in her chair on the left side of the porch,

Then I saw Uncle Robert in his brown coat and bored look on his face, as he lit a cigarette on the right side, and Casey standing a few feet away from him leaning on the side of the door.

I then looked towards Auntie and rushed towards her with my tiny feet up the stairs until I reached her on the porch.

“What is it, sweetie?”, Aunt Janet asked as she saw me approach her with a sweet smile.

“Can I, please, go to the park?”, I asked her as I held the stuffed bear close to me.

“Of course.”, She said with a giggle as she walked towards me and leaned down to my level,” I won’t be able to. But I’ll ask Casey to take you.”

She then called Casey over to her, as he stood they’re groaning approaching Aunt Donna as he rolled his eyes, coming down the few set of stairs only to hit the snowy ground to stand right in front of her.

“I need you to take (Y/N) to the park, while I go to the store to pick some things.”, Aunt Janet told him as she then gave him money,” I’m trusting you to watch over her. Buy yourself and her a treat on the way here, Okay.”

She then ruffled my head and Casey’s and went towards the front of the car as she closed the door behind her, starting the car. Pulling away, she waved at me in which in return I did slowly with a gloomy face,” I’ll be back soon.”

Casey and I stood there in the road as she drove away. I went to take Casey’s hand in mine, but he then tugged it away from me rudely, giving me a mean look. I timidly looked down as he did that a bit afraid of him, cowering in fear.” C’mon dork, Let’s go.”, He said as he released a heavy sigh that turned to smoke from the cold, walking away from me.

Walking towards the park nearby, I started to rush towards the swings happily. Playing around the park, I started to look around for Casey only to realize he wasn’t there. This wasn’t the first time he has left me though. Back in school when we would leave after the school rang, we were both supposed to walk to the house together that way I was safe, but he ended up leaving me to walk alone all by myself to the house, not caring what Aunt Janet said about it, even though sometimes she herself would pick us up sometimes from school after work. Once she found out about it, she started to yell at him for doing that and grounded him. But he later sneaked away a couple of times, but I didn’t tell anything to her about it though, because Casey threaten me sometimes.

That didn’t help me from feeling sad and lonely, though, since I was always alone most of the time. I started to walk towards the direction to the house only to be stopped by four boys around 12.

“Looks like, we meet again crybaby.”, Tyler ,One of the boys said as he looked at me, noticing I didn’t say anything back to him,” What not gonna say anything about it?”

He then snatched my teddy bear away from me.

“Aren’t you too old to be playing with toys?”, Tyler mocked as he raised it high above me.

“G-give it back.”, I stuttered silently as tears started to prick at my eyes, trying to act tough and remembering something Casey would say when they messed with him from a few fights I have seen him in at school.” or e-else.”

“Or else what?”, He said his face contorting to anger.

Those boys were the bullies at my school. They made fun of me for liking rock music, plus many other things and would embarrass me in front of the whole class with they’re stupid and cruel pranks, they would also harass me constantly nonstop afterschool. They would push me or fight me a bunch of times. No one knew about it though, because I was scared and just weak. Sometimes, I would come to school with bruises on my knees or arms or I would wet myself on the bed because of how panicked I was, even my Aunt notice it and ask me about it. But I would brush it off as a nightmare or that I accidentally tripped on my. There was one person who did though, Casey. I knew because the fights were always after school and he would just stand there from a distance watching me as he drank from a bottle of booze that if Auntie saw he would get punished for it.

“Hey! Did you hear me, you little bitch.”, He shouted at me as he grabbed me by my shoulders shaking me violently.

“L-let me go.”, I told him as he gripped my arms tightly,” Y-you’re hurting me.”

He then shoved me hard on the floor as he then stood above me.” Ouch!”, I yelled as he kicked me making me tear up from the pain.

“Aww, the little baby’s gonna cry.”, One of the boys said as the other two chuckled cruelly at me.

Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground.

The other boys then started to gang up on me and surround me as I felt small beneath their gaze.

They all started kick me, each impact of their feet making me tear up and suffer much worse. It didn’t help it either that they were wearing shoes. I begged them with tears in my eyes to stop, but they only kept kicking me and mocked me for being weak.

I begged and cried I then scooted away from them with as much force as I could to my already throbbing legs, I then felt my leg being grabbed. As reflex and defense, I used my other leg to kick the person hard in the face causing them to let go of my leg and grab at their face, groaning. I then leaned both of my arms as I looked at the person that snatched my leg ,Tyler, in shock at what I did.

As he let his hand fall away from his face I notice his lip begin to drip with something red as he spit some on the ground, tainting the pure white snow with it. He then looked at his hand as hand that had a few drops of them and stared at me with a steely look that could kill anyone.

“I-i’m sorry.”, I whimpered out as I sniffed out, still scooting away from him as I laid at my side, looking at him with tears in my eyes, my nose red from the cold and from crying too much in agony.

“You are so dead.”, He said with a dark stare as he angrily approached me. Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground., ” No one is gonna fucking hear you, because you are the annoying, fat , weak, freaky ,little crybaby that you are. You hear me!”

Hearing these words made me tear up even more making my cheeks red and damp as he kicked me with each word said in my ear, it also got me thinking if whether that was true or not. If I was really alone right now, that no one was gonna help me. I then laid my head down as I kept crying silently, giving up.

The boys kept kicking me of course, as I begged them to stop. Then suddenly I heard someone yell.

“What the fuc-!”, Before they were cut off.

Tyler’s grip on my hair loosened as he watch the scene, giving me the perfect time to quietly escape from his grasp. Hissing and groaning slightly from the suffering that was inflicting my body. I tried to crawl away from the scene. I then looked over my shoulders to see a boy with blonde hair on top of someone punching Tyler’s face over and over again. Only to stop and get off of them. The boy then turned around to look at me only for their face to be recognized. It was Casey, who’s nose was dripping red with blood. He then rushed towards me and leaned down, with his eyes wide and sucking a breath as he saw my state. He then looked towards the boys who were helping Tyler out from the floor. Breathing heavily in the middle of a panic attack, I curled into a ball crying silently.

“Do you need a fucking hint?”, Casey yelled at them his eyes pissed with furiousness in them as he pierced them with his intense stare.,” Fuck off!”

The boys as soon as they heard that dashed away, dragging Tyler along with them.

Casey ignoring them and looking at my traumatized face, with guilt and regret.

“Fuck!”, He said as he looked at my legs and arms.

“Y-you’re hurt.”, I whimpered out as I was still curled into a ball looking at him.

“What.”, He said as he looked at me with worry.

“You got hurt because of me! I’m sorry!”, I cried out as I closed my eyes letting my tears to fall down my already puffed and red cheeks. Casey seeing this panicked and held my shoulders gently. “No no no no It’s not okay. Forget about the fucked up nose. I’m fine. Okay.”

He then extended his hand towards me which I took in mine with a tremble. Helping out from the snow.

He then hugged me tightly all of a sudden, catching me by surprise and making me flinch but later I, with shaking and feeble arms in pain, embraced him back, as I sniffled. Calming down from the embrace, Casey softly and slowly released me letting his hands to fall on my shoulders. “You wanna go on the swings.”

I then nodded sadly as I sniffled, he then grabbed my hand gently, not letting it go or shooing it away. I in return gripped it tightly, afraid that it would soon disappear from my hands as I stuck closely by him shaken a bit still from what happened.

We then walked silently towards the park again. I couldn’t help but look at his nose in shame as it kept dripping, staining his shirt.

“Y-you’re nose. its red.”, I told him in a whisper only for him to look towards me.

“What?”, He asked as he kept walking, his feet scrunching beneath the snowy white ground.

“Y-you’re nose is red.”, I commented this time a little louder so he could hear me clearly.

“Yeah, No shit sherlock.”, He said sarcastically as he looked ahead, making me looked down sadly. Casey noticed this and muttered a small ‘sorry’ to me

We spend the rest of the day, on the park hanging on the swings. Casey sitting on one of them next to me, and I on the other as we both held hands, afraid to say any words or to let go.

“Casey....” I spoke quietly not looking at him.

“Yeah...”, He said as he didn’t look at me as well.

“Do you think I’m annoying and a freak?”, I asked weakly as casted my eyes down sadly at the white and pale snow on the ground.

“Well.....no.”, He said as he turned his head away,” I think you are a whole lot more than those things.”

“You mean it.”, I said as I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yes I do. Trust me.”, He said as he squeezed my tiny hand into his large warm one for comfort and to reassure me.

“What if those bullies come back?”, I asked worriedly as my hand and body stiffened at the thought, suddenly unmoving.

“They won’t”, He said with confidence as he looked towards me with soft eyes.

“How do you know for sure?”, I asked him not convinced with his answer or trusting his words, filling my mind with doubt.

“Because, I will kick their asses again if they do.”, He said firmly as he held my hand in his tightly and softly as he squeezed them.,” and I- I will always be there for you....”

“I promise”

========================

{AUTHOR’S NOTE}

Hello again dear reader’s this is the last part of the prologue. We finally met our adorable and crazy Tommy in this one. I hope I wrote his personality and his character as I accurate as I can. This took me a lot to write too. Anyways, thanks for anyone who reads this and loves it as much as I do. Sorry for any one who was awaiting a lot for it. Comment your thoughts about it if you liked it. Hope to see you again on the next update. Love you guys and Hoped you Enjoyed it!

{LIKE AND REBLOG IF YOU LIKED IT 💕}

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #the dirt #motley crue #tommy lee #vincent neil #mick mars #rock n roll #heavy metal #80's rock #motley crue fanfic #motley crue fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfic #motley crue x reader

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thebrotherssalvatore321 · 4 years

Text

Keeping Secrets Ch. 24

Keeping Secrets Masterlist

Dear Diary,

I thought when I got all of my memories back that I would feel different, that I would be different, like who I was in my first life and who I am in this life would somehow mesh together and create this new person. But I feel…like me, just with more knowledge. It’s weird, I thought my taste in things would change, but I like everything around me as much as I always did. I still love my friends and I still love Damon even though I’m mad at him. The one thing that has changed though, is that now I know that everything I’ve been feeling for Elijah is completely founded and rooted in truth, not magic. The spark that his touch always sent thought me wasn’t Fiona’s spell, it was what I felt before I had her cast it. Her spell just made it so that we would always be able to feel and find each other. Knowing that what I feel for Elijah is real… scares the shit out of me. I hated Damon for loving me and Katherine at the same time. Now I’m no better. It feels like my heart is a hunk of metal stuck between two high powered magnets labeled Elijah and Damon. It’s ripping me apart. I know Elijah is dead and I could just manipulate my way into the boarding house and pull that dagger from his chest, but a part of me wonders if Elijah and I would even make it in this day and age. Back then I was just a lonely housewife with a son to raise. Now I’m a vampire caught in the middle of this business with Klaus trying to kill Elena to unlock his werewolf side. I don’t know how strong my relationship with Elijah would be, but I know how strong mine and Damon’s could be if he would just stop lying to me...and if I could let go of Elijah.”

She had put down her pen and was closing the book when she heard a knock on the door. So she threw on a robe over the comfortable clothes she had put on when she got home from school and headed down stairs. When she pulled the door open the faces of her three friends came into view. Caroline held a small pink igloo cooler with a handle out to her. “I raided Damon’s stash for you.”

“You’re awesome.” Katie laughed and took the cooler from her.

“Get dressed.” Elena told her with a wrinkled nose look at the old robe she was wearing.

“We’re having a girls night at Elena’s.” Bonnie added as Katie stepped aside and let the girls inside.

“We thought about having it here, no adult supervision and all, but we assumed you wouldn’t have any real food in the house.” Elena told her as she went into the kitchen that could be seen from the living room and opened the pantry revealing a bunch of empty shelves and a few canned goods. “Just as we thought. Plus we want to catch Aunt Jenna and real her in for some cheering up.”

Katie scratched the back of her head and frowned. “No.” Caroline told her with her finger pointed at Katie. “Don’t try to back out of this. You have been mopey all week because of Damon and Elijah and we are not going to sit back and watch you spiral.”

Katie deadpanned at her. “I’m not spiraling.”

“Really?” Bonnie asked. “It’s three in the afternoon and you’re wearing pajamas.”

“Go… get dressed.” Caroline barked and pointed to the stairs. Katie rolled her eyes but obeyed. “And put on some make up!” she shook her head.

“Remind me why I let you boss me around all the time?” Katie asked from upstairs.

“Because if I didn’t you would be a hopeless mess.” Caroline answered then Katie heard Elena ask who she was talking to.

“Thanks for the pep talk.” Katie mumbled clearly not thankful.

“Hey, you asked, I answered.” Caroline replied, making Katie laugh.

TVDTVDTVD

“So are you ever going to talk about it?” Caroline asked Katie as they stood in Elena’s kitchen pouring chips into bowls.

“About what?” Katie asked playing stupid.

“The fact that you’re in love with two guys, one of which is a very old original vampire.” Caroline said with a smirk, not looking at Katie.

“I have talked about it and I’m over it.” Katie answered as she wadded up the chip bag and put it in the trash can.

“You’re over it?” Caroline asked with a confused shake of her head. “You don’t just get over something like that Katie.”

“Can we please just…not talk about Elijah? He’s dead, for all intents and purposes, and that chapter of my life is over.” Katie answered, getting aggravated with her friend.

“So what about Damon, are you still mad at him?” Caroline asked, still prying.

Katie let out a stressed sigh and placed her hands on the counter top. “Because I know you won’t stop prying until you get some kind of answer I will tell you that I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him since that disaster of a dinner party.”

“Don’t you think you owe it to him to hear him out?” Caroline asked, making Katie frown because she was right. Thankfully Elena and Bonnie walked into the kitchen saving Katie from the conversation. “So, Chinese food or pizza?” Caroline asked.

“Like you have to ask.” Elena answered as she grabbed one of the bowls of chips.

“I will look it up.” Caroline said as she grabbed her tablet and started to search for the nearest pizza place, but she stopped when she saw the picture of her and Matt from founder’s day that was her background picture.

“I’ll do it.” Bonnie stepped in and gingerly took the tablet from Caroline.

“Do you believe that Jonas is being sincere?” Elena asked Bonnie as she set some cups out on the counter.

“I don’t know what to believe. I think he’s at a loss…not sure who to trust.” Bonnie answered.

“Join the club.” Elena sighed and Katie nodded.

“Well what are we going to do about this movie situation?” Caroline asked to change the subject. “What about the notebook?”

“Caroline, how many times have you seen that movie?” Elena asked, making the other girls laugh.

“That is so not the point.” Caroline argued.

“Well, yeah I mean…” Elena trailed off when Aunt Jenna walked into the room. “Hey…” she drew out the word awkwardly.

“What’s going on?” Jenna asked as she set down the coat that she’d had over her arm.

“Girls night.” Elena answered as she sat down in one of the bar stools.

“More like a pity party. We’ve all pretty much had a crap week.” Katie elaborated.

“You’ve all heard about my fight with Rick.” Jenna observed.

“He feels terrible.” Elena told her.

“Is this some sort of disguised attempt to cheer me up?” Jenna asked.

“No,” Elena answered, “this is about us girls hanging out and you know…we’ll be here if you happen to want to talk or…”

“Because I am a winner at successful relationships.” Caroline chipped in. Jenna and Caroline started talking about whether or not Alaric should tell Jenna about his past with Isobel. When things fell awkwardly quiet between them Caroline broke it. “You know what we need?” they all just looked at her. “Dancing. There is a band at the grill.” She looked at her friends for their thoughts.

They all said they were in then looked at Katie. “When was the last time you let loose and had real fun?” Bonnie asked.

“Fine. I’m in.” Katie answered with a roll of her eyes.

TVDTVDTVD

Katie was sitting at a table that her friends stood around, talking to Caroline about her situation with Matt, when Caroline took off her jacket and headed up on stage where the band had finished up a song. “Caroline can sing?” Katie asked Bonnie and Elena when Caroline said that she was going to sing. Bonnie and Elena watched as Caroline compelled the band to let her sing. “Whoa, she’s really good.” As Katie watched Caroline laying it all out on the table for Matt all she could think about was Damon and Elijah. Feeling on the verge of a panic attack Katie whooshed outside unseen by anyone

She had been bottling it up, not really letting anyone know how screwed up she felt inside. While she had been angry at Damon for his lies and secrets and angry at Elijah for doing this to her she hadn’t let herself feel the grief of losing Elijah or feel the hurt of Damon’s actions. It all came out a wave of tears as she pressed her back against the side of the building in the alley way. She was so wrapped up in her grief that it took a minute for the screams coming from the building to register. She was on her way to the back entrance since people were pouring out of the front one when she heard Elena calling her name. Not knowing what was going on she sped over to where she heard Elena to see that she was with Damon. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain later.” Damon told her and she just looked back and forth between him and Elena.

“Jonas is in there and he’s after me.” Elena told her so Katie nodded.

“What can I do to help?” Katie asked Damon with wide eyes.

“Jonas doesn’t know Elena’s out here with me. Katherine’s in there pretending to be her. You need to get in there and make sure he stays off our trail.” He told her in a rush.

“Will do.” Katie nodded then ran into the building to find sparks flying off of the busted stage lights and the bar was on fire.

“Matt no!” Caroline’s scream caught Katie’s attention and she whooshed over to see that Jonas had stabbed him in the neck with a broken bottle. She didn’t bother stopping Jonas when he ran out of the bar. Instead she went to Matt’s side across from Caroline. “Caroline, look at me.” Caroline looked up from her hand that was pressed to Matt��s neck showing the veins that were popping under her reddening eyes that mirrored her own. “Breathe. Can you do it or do I need to?”

“I can do it.” she nodded so Katie jerked her head down to Matt. Caroline made a pained sound as she bit her wrist then pressed it to Matt’s lips. “I’ve got him.”

“Are you sure?” Katie asked with wide eyes and Caroline nodded as the veins disappeared. “I’m going to go make sure the building’s clear.”

“No, the fire’s getting too big. We both need to leave now.” Caroline stopped her as she picked Matt up from the ground.

“Fine, then let’s get out of here.” Katie said with a wave to the door

TVDTVDTVD

After Elena and Katherine were switched back and things calmed down, Elena texted Katie letting her know that Jonas was dead leaving Bonnie without her powers. Katie had gone home, but after thinking about it for a few minutes she decided she could no longer suffer in silence.

So with a deep breath she threw her cell phone into her shoulder bag and headed to the boarding house. She didn’t bother knocking and let herself in to find Damon’s bedroom door open. Katherine, wearing a black negligee and an open black robe was laying on the bed with Damon. Katie watched as Katherine crawled up Damon like a seductress out of a romance novel. Damon grabbed her face as she was attempting to kiss him and a jealous green bubble grew in the pit of Katie’s stomach. “Katherine, there are six other bedrooms in this house. Go find one.” he shoved her face, throwing her off of him.

Damon was about to return to the book he was reading, but his eyes found Katie as she walked into the room glaring at Katherine. “Get out.”

“I turn you, and save your friend and that’s the thanks I get?” Katherine asked as she slid off the bed with a cocky look on her face then crossed her arms.

Katie hadn’t seen Katherine since she killed her and the anger that welled up in her was almost overwhelming. But she decided to be the bigger woman and walked over to her with murderous eyes. “Okay.” Katie put on a fake smile as she said, “Thank you for playing a game of switch-a-roo with Elena tonight.” She let her smile fall and went back to glaring at her. “But no matter how many good deeds you do you will always be the manipulative, skeezy bitch who took my human life and killed my unborn child.” Katherine cocked her head to the side as she glared back at Katie as if she were about to rip her head off. “Now get…out.”

“You’re lucky I like you.” Katherine told her as she pointed at her then dropped her hand as she walked out of the room.

“I like jealous Katie.” Damon told her as he set the book to the side and sat up.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to not break her freaking neck?” she asked, making a twisting flick motion with her hands as she walked over then flopped down on her back across the foot of his bed.

“I’d pay to see that.” He commented making Katie smirk over at him, but she remembered that she was still mad at him and turned her eyes to the ceiling. “You still mad at me?” he asked, his face turning serious.

“I don’t know. You kept your plan to kill Elijah a secret from me, flat out lied to me, and in doing so caused Elijah to do exactly what he warned you he would do if you crossed him. Now the first, first love is laying in your basement with a dagger in his chest and my second first love hurt me so bad that it took my friend being in danger to even be able to look at him.” she looked over at him to see him frowning with wide eyes. “What do you think?”

His eyes turned apologetic. “I’m sorry.” Katie pursed her lips and pulled them to the side. “I knew if I told you about the dagger you’d try to stop me from using it.”

“But you didn’t know that.” Katie sat up and leaned back against the sturdy footboard. “You once again just… assumed that I would react a certain way and you once again assumed wrong.”

“So you wouldn’t have tried to stop me from killing Elijah?” he asked doubtfully as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Before that failure of a dinner party?” she asked as she bent her knee up and rested her am on it. “No.”

“And now that you have Hannah’s memories?” he asked.

She dropped her eyes to the plush comforter and started picking at her cuticles, something she noticed she never did as Hannah. “Now I want to go down to that basement, pull the dagger out of him and kiss him.” she looked up at him, fighting her emotions that were so much more powerful now than they were when she was human. She bit her lip and shrugged not knowing what else to say.

“So what’s stopping you?” he asked with a frown and a glance at the door.

“You.” she answered and her voice didn’t waver, but Damon saw tears pooling in her eyes. “I heard Elijah when he told you that I’d forget all about you if he gave me my memories back. Obviously that’s not true…” She looked back down at her hands and started picking at a loose string in the stitching of the comforter, “Because I’m here.”

“But?” he asked and she looked up at him to see that he looked worried about what was about to come out of her mouth.

“But you and I…” she bit her lips closed and shook her head as she shrugged, “We seem to be in this cycle of I trust you…you break it, I forgive you and for about two seconds we’re happy then something happens and you break my trust again. I realize that’s over simplifying it and leaving out the elephant size mistake I made with Elijah, but…we are going to have to be a team, on the same page 24/7 or kiss our relationship goodbye.”

“Fine, then let's get on the same page.” He told her as he slid from the bed and headed for the door. “I’ll go first.”

“Where are you going?” she asked, not moving from the bed.

“I need a drink.” He answered as if it was obvious. “You comin’?”

“Yep.” She hopped off the bed and followed him to the study. He poured two glasses of bourbon then handed her one. Her eyes slid shut at the taste of the amber liquid and when she opened them as she swallowed she saw Damon smirking at her. “What?”

“Have I turned you into a bourbon girl?” he asked with a look at her glass.

“Maybe.” She answered coyly with a look down at her glass then back up at him. “You said you’d go first.”

He had opened his mouth to say something when Katherine walked in and between them to the table of decanters they stood at. “Don’t let me interrupt.” She sighed as she started picking through the crystal containers. Katie gritted her teeth and looked at Damon agitatedly. He jerked his head back toward his room. Katie grabbed the decanter of bourbon out of Katherine’s hand. “Um, hello.” She complained as Katie walked around her.

“Um, goodbye.” Katie mocked her tone. As they headed back to Damon’s room Katie refilled her glass then handed the decanter to him and made herself comfortable on his bed with her back leaned against the headboard and her bare feet crossed at the ankles. “Now…shoot.”

“I didn’t just want Elijah dead because of the whole Elena sacrifice thing. I wanted him dead because you wanted him.” he told her then took a drink.

“I told you that I didn’t want him.” she argued.

“And we both know that was a load of bull.” He argued back, making her look down at her drink. “If you didn’t want him you wouldn’t have kissed him.”

“So when I called you and you said that you weren’t mad at me for kissing him and that you understood because you’d made mistakes too…what was that? Lie number one?” she asked with creased brows.

“No I was never mad at you. I was mad at him for having so much control over you with his stupid linking spell.” He told her and she looked down at the glass in her hands that rested on her outstretched legs. “John came by after you left for the sleepover and gave me the dagger and I knew what I had to do to get you out from under his spell.” He kept placing all the blame on Elijah.

“Damon…there’s something you need to know about the linking spell.” She started, staring at her drink then paused to finish it. She looked up at him as she swallowed. “Elijah isn’t the one that had Fiona do the spell…I did it. He didn’t know that we worked the spell until Klaus killed me. If he did know he never said anything to me about it.” she slipped from the bed and refilled her glass. “So, are you still not mad at me?” she asked as she walked back over to the bed but didn’t sit down.

“I don’t know.” He answered with a far off look in his eyes. She gave him a few minutes to think about it, but when he never said anything she walked over to where the decanter was sitting on his dresser and put her glass down next to it. she was reaching for the doorknob when he whooshed over, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him. “I am not going to lose you because of a decision you made over a hundred years ago.” He told her with a stubborn look on his face as he stared into her green eyes. “You’re not walking out of this room until we are back in a good place and I’ve heard the words I forgive you come out of your mouth.”

“You think we can accomplish that in one night?” she asked knowing it was already really late.

“Yep.” He nodded and let her go.

“Okay.” She grabbed her glass and took a drink. “Then I’ll tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t tell you exactly how much of an effect Elijah had on me before the whole…makeout session behind a building thing.”

“You said you kissed him not made out with him.” he pointed at her with the hand that held his glass. “Which one was it?”

“Now you’re just trying to torture us.” Katie complained but Damon just rolled his eyes and gave her a look that told her to answer the question. “Fine if you want to know specifics…” she set her glass on the dresser and pressed her back against the wall and motioned him over with her finger.

He walked over with a smirk on his face that showed off one side of his smile lines. “What are you doing?”

“Answering your question.” She said with a shrug as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him into her. “In a way that’ll make it a little easier to swallow, so to speak.” Without warning she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into her, kissing him with the same genuine hunger she had felt when kissing Elijah. After making out with him for a few seconds she jumped and his hands that were already holding her by her hips pressed her harder into the wall holding her up as she wrapped her legs around him. She tilted her head to the side giving him the subtle hint that she wanted him to kiss her neck. He took it and kissed down her jaw line to her neck. If Damon had been wearing a button up shirt she would’ve started unbuttoning it, but he was wearing a black t-shirt. So instead she grabbed it and pulled it over his head. She took her hands off of him and moved her arms out to the side, pressing her palms into the cold wall behind her. "This is when I stopped him, but you are more than welcome to keep going." She whispered as the bourbon and lust mixed together to create a fun cocktail within her bloodstream.

"You're drunk." He told her between kisses.

"I’m tipsy and I've missed you." She confessed as she slid her hands up his torso then held the sides of his neck. "Going a week without sex as a vampire is excruciating."

"We're getting off topic." He sing-songed as he slid his hand down to hold her thighs making her sigh from his touch.

"Or did we find a better one?" She countered and he growled as he stepped back and let her go. "Damon." She drug out his name with whine as she watched him walk over to the bed and flop back on it, laying across the middle of it.

"You made out with him..." he complained.

"And I'm sorry." She told him as she walked over and sat down on the bed next to him. "If it makes you feel any better I hated how out of control and not myself I felt when it was happening." She told him with a hopeful tone and a cringe of a smile. He just cut his eyes over at her. “Oh and I didn’t take his shirt off. I just undid a few buttons.” She added.

“It doesn’t.” he told her then turned his eyes to the ceiling.

“Of course it doesn’t.” she sighed and fell back with her head at the head of the bad and her legs draped over his hips.

“We can’t trust each other.” He said still looking up at the ceiling with a frown on his face.

“No we can’t,” she replied looking up at the ceiling as she crossed her arms over her chest. “but I want to.” Neither of them said anything and thanks to the fact that she had abandoned her bourbon glass she was starting to sober up and she figured he was too. She thought about why Damon killed Elijah and kept the dagger a secret from her. It was selfish of him, killing Elijah so he could keep her for himself, but she was also being selfish for wanting Elijah to stay daggered so that she could be with Damon without the linking spell constantly putting stress on their relationship. “I forgive you.”

Damon looked over at her with furrowed brows. “What?”

“I forgive you.” she repeated herself.

“Are you just saying that so you can leave?” he asked and she shook her head.

“No.” she told him with a small shake of her head. “And I hope you will one day forgive me for what I’m about to say.” Damon sat up and looked at her with wide worried eyes. “This link…will always be there. Even if we get back together…somebody is bound to pull that dagger out and when they do the switch will get flipped and once again old feelings will resurface and we’ll just end up right back where we are right now.”

“So you’re just gonna give up on us?” he asked with a frown.

“No…I’m saving you from a lifetime of misery…from always wondering if I’m going to be drawn back to him.” she argued then slid from the bed and headed for the door.

He whooshed in front of her. “Not happening.”

“Damon.” She sighed and dropped her eyes to the floor.

“We’re stronger than any magic link will ever be and I refuse to let you walk out that door.” He did his eye thing with a flick of his brows as he said the word refuse.

“So what?” she asked with a shrug of her shoulders. “We just forgive each other, get back together and pretend that we trust each other?”

��No. We get back together and learn to trust each other.” he told her with eyes that bore into hers. “Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose this.” He grabbed the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers, catching her bottom lip between his.

She knew it would be pointless to try to walk away from Damon. No matter how dysfunctional they were, they kept ending up together. So she jumped and wrapped her legs around him. He held her face in his hands, kissing her as he carried her over to his bed and laid her down.

TVDTVDTVD

“So did I miss anything in my week of moping?” Katie asked from where she laid under the comforter with her head on Damon’s shoulder.

“We figured out how Elijah and his witch buddies were planning on killing Klaus.” He answered and Katie rolled onto her stomach and propped her head up with her elbows and hands to look at him. “He was looking for where a bunch of witches were burned. If he found it he was going to have Jonas absorb all the power they left behind and take Klaus down while he was weak.”

“Do we know where they were burned?” she asked curiously.

He nodded his head yes, but sighed and said, “nope.” He grabbed his phone out of his pants on the floor and typed a message. “I found in a Gilbert journal that Emily was burned where those witches were burned. I know where Emily was burned.”

“Well that sucks.” Katie sighed and rolled back over, playing along because Katherine was probably listening in.

“Yep.”

#damon salvatore #damon salvatore fanfiction #damon salvatore x oc #tyler lockwood #tyler lockwood fanfiction #tyler lockwood x oc #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson fanfiction #an elinity fic sneak peek #Klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson fanfiction #klaus mikaelson x oc #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries fanfiction #tvd fanfiction #the originals #the originals fanfiction

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harringtonstudios · 5 years

Text

Christmas: The Baker Way

plot: you find yourself at the yearly christmas party single for the first time in forever, and you might have developed feelings for a certain someone.

a/n: i haven’t written in a very long time so! this is v soft :’)

Christmas Day always went like this. One large party, usually at Colson’s house with the entire family. Everyone was invited, kids, relatives, the friends they found along the way. That’s how you had been invited at first, way back in 2014 when everything was still taking off for Machine Gun Kelly. There had been a show, then a backstage invite, and while everyone got drunk and high and fell off of chairs, you had just sat there listening to the music and enjoying the ambiance. This had gotten the notice of Colson, who had been offended you weren’t having fun, but seeing you take in the music with your eyes closed and a smile on your lips, he had fallen on the couch next to you and bobbed his head to the beat. You became fast friends with the rest of the band, and then you were being invited to all the shows, and the parties, and the music video shoots and it felt like finally you had somewhere you belonged.

That was five years ago, and now you were hovering in the kitchen as Ashleigh and Slim sorted out the food on tables. Kids were running around the house, music blasting as guests filled in through the door. Earlier, Rook had tied mistletoe to every surface he could find, and you laughed as you saw Casie kiss Dub on the cheek.

The party had been going for a while and you had yet to see the man of the hour. It’s not as if you were actively searching for him, well maybe just a little bit, a teeny tiny bit. It had been five years of seeing the man you had developed strong feelings for hook up with other women, date these perfect models, and yell about his stone-cold heart after a breakup. Five years, and you had kept your mouth shut, fallen into a relationship with a terrible man, and broke up a few months ago. This was the first Christmas where both of you were single, and you were ready to finally say something.

That was before he walked downstairs, sauntering in a blue opened button down with his black jeans. He was wearing Christmas socks and a headband matching Casie’s and she smiled as she ran over to him. “Y/N!,” Casie yelled and you walked towards them, trying to get your heart to slow back down. “Hey pretty lady! How are you doing today?,” you questioned, trying to avoid Colson’s stare. “Can you take a picture of me and dad? I need it,” Casie offered before thrusting the Polaroid camera into your hands. You stepped back and smiled before focusing on the pair, both cheesing and snapped the picture. “Thanks,” Casie said as she took the camera and walked away. And then there you both were.

Colson smiled as he went, “It’s nice to see you again. You kinda went ghost for a while.” And you were coming up with a snarky response back when the sound of crashing interrupted from the kitchen. He threw you a grimace before walking over and you followed behind, praying there wasn’t a gigantic mess. Liquid was all over the floor and Slim stood there, pants dripping below him. “Dude, I told you to quit playing with the bottles, who’s gonna clean all this shit up now,” Slim yelled as Rook bowed his head. You tuned them all out as you looked around at your found family. Everyone is laughing, there’s smiles around, and even as they start to clean up the mess, you can see the happiness in their eyes. It makes you smile honestly, especially after seeing the struggles they worked through to get to where they wanted to be. Your eyes land on Colson as he crouches down with paper towels, he’s laughing, eyes shining. It hits you different this time and all of a sudden you find yourself shouting, “Yo Kells, you spike the eggnog again?” He bursts out with another laugh and you smile back, at peace. It’s Christmas, and you’re just a little bit in love, and somehow it’s all going to be okay.

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lumiolivier · 3 years

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The Good Old Days Chapter 29: A Walk of Shame Looks Good on You

A/N: Hi, friends! Look, I'm sitting here waiting for bleach to process, so I got a little time to kill. But before we get into anything fun, we need to take care of some business first. Nothing bad. It's just a little housekeeping before I leave for Michigan.

I know I said you'd be taken care of while I'm gone. Well, I lied. I thought you'd be taken care of, but I'm going to be away from my computer and away from my desk and you're going to have to wait a couple weeks until the next update, ok? I hope that's alright with you. I really did try, guys. I tried my damnedest. So, we'll be back in August. I promise. And I love you x

I’m pretty sure I left Veronica in capable hands. At least I sure as hell hope so. Once my shift came to an end, I wanted nothing more than to go home and crash. Granted, I knew I’d be up half the night, worrying about Veronica and hoping she made it home ok, but I’m sure she’ll be alright. If all else fails, she can kick ass with the best of them. And Tessa didn’t seem like the type to steal one of Veronica’s kidneys. I hope things work out with those two.

All I wanted now was to go home and crash, though. It’s been a long ass day. And a long ass night. And all I wanted was my bed. That sounded downright heavenly. And maybe a drink or two. Just a little something, something to cap off the night. It’s not like I got to have one with the Old Man. I was busy working the bar. Even though I wasn’t technically supposed to. But I digress. Still, a drink sounded nice. Both my brothers had their vices. César smoked like a chimney and I’m not sure how legal Tony’s vices were. I knew he kept them in the house, but I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I don’t think he even knew I knew.

Once I got home, I went straight into the bedroom and fell into my bed without a sound. Good. I could use about twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. But I knew better than that. I took a quick hit from the tequila bottle and shut my eyes. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t just get that twelve hours of sleep, but I’d have something better in place of my body pillow. But I knew that wasn’t happening. Unless one of my brothers were stupid enough to try and be my little spoon. We were close, but we weren’t that close.

The next morning, I woke up to an empty house. Tony and César weren’t in their beds. Mama had already left for work. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. The world was my oyster. At least this time, I didn’t wake up wanting to walk into oncoming traffic, so I got that going for me. And even with this new lease on life (despite me still wishing like hell that Vanessa as on the next flight home), I needed a way to kill the day before I had to go play in the Narrows.

Breakfast? Maybe I start with breakfast. And it happens to be eleven o’clock. I knew where I could get the best breakfast in the city. Just down the block. I threw my shoes on and headed toward that beautiful, bright green oasis in the middle of this concrete jungle. Dios los bendiga…I’m home. Well, I’d always feel at home in the city I loved, but this? This seemed a little more like home than I could’ve ever anticipated in my life.

“Buenos dias, niño!” Abuela greeted me. And right there. Right there was the cure for what ailed me. If only I had the energy to come here yesterday morning. Maybe I wouldn’t have been in the funk I’ve been in since a flight left JFK for Rome yesterday morning. But I digress. I still had Abuela.

“Morning,” I melted inside.

“Regular order then?” she assumed.

“Si, por favor,” I nodded, “And uh…You know how you’ve been making my horchata with…”

“Espresso in your horchata,” Abuela knew me all too well, “Of course, Frankie. I can tell when you had a rough night. I’m not going to ever say no to you and you should know better than to even think I would.”

“Sorry, Abuela,” I giggled a bit. Yep. This woman would always be the cure for whatever ailed me. In this case, it’s depression and a certain kind of homesickness I’ve never had before.

“It’s alright, mijo,” she let it go, “You seem off. And not like you went out with Tony and César last night and came home an hour after closing time. Is everything alright?”

“It’s been better,” I brushed her off, “But nothing you need to worry about.”

Because that was for me to worry about. I didn’t need to put that burden on Abuela’s shoulders. As good as a vent would probably do me, she didn’t need that. And I didn’t really feel like getting into it. Abuela had enough to take care of. And I needed a distraction more than anything. That’s half the reason why I liked coming here. I watch Abuela carefully craft my newborn baby burrito with love while I get to throw down horchata. Occasionally, I get some words of wisdom from her. It’s a good time. Besides, this food truck had more than just Abuela memories attached to it. It had…

BAM!

I felt a tiny pair of arms wrap around my waist and a face in the middle of my back, “We really need to stop running into each other like this, Frankie.”

Gracias a dios, she made it home ok. And I’m assuming with both kidneys. There’s the other memories Abuela’s food truck has…It’s where it all began again. If I never would’ve met the little spazz at my hip, who knows if I would’ve gotten my second shot with her sister? But I don’t know…I think I like her sister. Just a little bit. And…Well…She’s not too bad either. I spun Veronica around and got a decent look at her. And she looked like hell, but in the best way.

“Let’s see,” I teased her a bit, “Last night’s clothes, hair a mess, a hoody that does not belong to you, smudged mascara under your eyes…What? No broken heel, Veronica?”

“No,” Veronica rolled her eyes, “You’re mixing me up with my sister again, Frankie. That’s a Vanessa thing. I don’t wear heels. More of a platform leather boots type myself, but that’s just me.”

“Still,” I threw an arm around her, “Walks of shame look cute on you, Veronica.”

“Last night was fun,” Veronica leaned on me, stilling a drink from my horchata, “I fucking owe you.”

“For what?” I giggled, “I didn’t do anything.”

“My ass, you didn’t!” she squealed, “Dude, it’s not every day someone like Tessa walks into a bar that I just happen to be at for the night. That kind of serendipity doesn’t happen for someone like me.”

“I’d be careful about whose love story you’re poking at there, Veronica,” I argued, “Because…Uh…Didn’t we meet because of a relationship that started that very same way?”

“We met right here,” Veronica reminded me, “Because someone was too chicken shit to call Vanessa on his own and needed a wingman.”

“Call last night me paying you back,” I threw a ten on the window, “Abuela?”

“Si, Frankie?” she popped out, “Necesitas algo?”

“She does,” I ordered for her, “Before she slurps down all of my horchata.”

“I’m a thirsty bitch,” Veronica shrugged, “Sue me.”

“Gladly.”

“I got dibs on Vanessa.”

“Dammit…” I grumbled to myself, “Alright. I respectfully withdraw and I’ll just be over here doing other things. Don’t worry about me.”

“You’re just mad she’d represent me first,” Veronica laughed.

“And Abuela,” I added, “If you wanted to add extra spit to her taquitos, I wouldn’t say no.”

“Francisco!” Abuela snapped, “No! Sabes que nunca lo haría!”

“It’s a joke,” I backed off, “Just a little joke. A little ha, ha. Sorry…I know you wouldn’t.”

“Es verdad…” Abuela wrapped my burrito up and got started on Veronica’s taquitos, “Honestly, Frankie…I’m disappointed.”

“It’s alright, Abuela,” Veronica let it go, “I knew he meant it with love.”

“So,” I wondered, “What happened after you and Tessa left the Narrows?”

“We went out,” Veronica’s face lit up, “There’s a club about five blocks down from her apartment building. Her band played!”

“I didn’t know she was in a band.” But I could tell she at least played by the state of her fingers.

“I didn’t either until last night,” she swooned, “And she’s damn good at it! I’ve never seen someone jam like that. She’s much better than any of the local bands around here. Hell, at one point, I didn’t think she even needed the rest of the band. She was amazing on her own. But it’s more than just that. You should’ve seen it, Frankie. She’s…She’s too cool for me. I know I’m a pretty cool bitch, but she’s even cooler than I am.”

“Shut up,” I settled her, “There’s no way.”

“It’s true!” Veronica went on, “When we went back to her apartment, she showed me this big, beautiful bong that she blew herself! And it was so fucking pretty. It was probably a couple feet long, but it was black and hot pink and a neon green and this really pretty smoky electric blue and I have never wanted something more in my life. Dear god, it’s gorgeous. We burned one and went to sleep. No sex, no nothing. Just…Neither one of us wanted to sleep alone and Tessa wasn’t going to make me go back home. So, we didn’t. So, I laid there with her and…Frankie, I almost cried. It felt so fucking nice for a change.”

“Well, I’m happy for you, kiddo,” I kissed the top of her head, “And I’m glad I could help. But like I said. You helped me get Vanessa. Why shouldn’t you get Tessa, too?”

“I appreciate it,” Veronica threw her arms around me, “Seriously, Frankie…I’ve never had a serious girlfriend before. I’ve had casuals, but never anything serious.”

“Are you already thinking serious?” I gasped.

“Kind of…” a quick flash of red brushed across her cheeks, “But I don’t need your judgment, Mr. I’ve known Vanessa for six months and I damn near proposed to her the other night.”

“I never said there was any sort of judgment,” I assured her, grabbing her order from the window, “Gracias, Abuela.”

“De nada, cariño,” Abuela smiled, “Please. Go on. This is the most excitement I’ve gotten all morning. I’m invested.”

“I need to be getting home,” Veronica winced, “Before I end up playing into Victoria’s kidnapping fantasies, too.”

“Alright,” I hugged her tight, “And again, my offer still stands.”

“I know,” she nuzzled into me, “If Victoria becomes too much for me to handle and I can’t suppress the urge to choke her anymore, I know where you live. I know where you sleep. I know where you work when you’re working legit. And I’m more than welcome any time I want.”

“That’s my girl,” I kissed her forehead, “I love you, Veronica.”

“I love you, too, Frankie.” Don’t get me wrong. I love Vanessa dearly. But damn, having Veronica here is going to be a major help to my psyche while she’s gone. Mostly because I don’t think Veronica’s going to let me be depressed and beat myself up for letting Vanessa go to Italy. That wasn’t my decision to make. Hell, it was barely hers. Because there’s no way this doesn’t reek of Victoria’s meddling.

Instead of getting pissed like I probably should, I reveled in the fact that she was getting a whole different life experience. And if anyone could relate to what that experience was, it’d be me. My first time in Spain in my cognitive memory was the weirdest culture shock. I had grown up in New York. I knew nothing about life there except from what Mama and my brothers told me. But I had nothing firsthand. Until I was processing everything at four years old. Getting on the plane, making a layover in London, wondering why the hell everyone talked so weird. It’s not that I didn’t know the language. Mama made damn sure of that. To the point where I remember her bitching at Tony or César for speaking to me in English.

But Vanessa wasn’t dealing with Spain. Vanessa was in Italy. I didn’t even know if she was there yet. She had to be. Unless she had that same layover last a little longer than what she’d like. Than what I’d like. But they happen. It’s not like we had control over that. Still, I went home to an empty apartment and thumbed through the TV, hoping there’d be something on. Something to hold my attention long enough while I ate. I mean, Willow was on, but I’d rather not watch Willow for the millionth time just because it was on.

Ring, ring.

Huh…It’s not often the phone rings. I got up from the couch and grabbed it, just to shut it up, “Bueno…”

“Buona sera, amore mio…” a soft, husky voice greeted me on the other end. And I’m not too proud to admit I damn near broke down, “Quanto mi manchi così…”

“Vanessa…?” I could hardly get her name out of my mouth.

“Hi, baby…” her voice broke a bit. It’s good to know I’m not alone here, but that was one of the worst sounds in the world. I couldn’t tell if those were tears of joy or tears of pain. I’m going to go out on a limb, cross my fingers, and say it’s joy.

“Fuck, it does my heart good to hear your voice again,” I gushed, “Are you alright? You doing ok?”

“Ok as I can be, I suppose,” Vanessa reported, “I mean…It’d be nice if I was there with you, but…”

“I know, I know,” I settled her, “Can’t get what we want. But look on the bright side. We got this.”

“Yeah, we do…” I swear to God, I heard a smile in that girl’s voice. And in that moment, I knew everything was going to be ok.

#the good old days #oc backstory #fan fiction prequel #mafia au #switch #for the family

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doobler · 4 years

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Ambiguous

Vykan was awoken by a stubborn beam of sunlight streaming across his face. He squinted, kneading at his eyes with the heels of his palms. God, his head hurt. He rolled on his side, nuzzling into the pillows as his legs twisted up in the folds of a downy comforter.

Wait.

Multiple pillows?

Large comfortable mattress?

Sunlight?

Struggling into an upright position, Vykan looked around the room. There was a desk in one corner absolutely covered in books and pieces of paper. Someone was designing blueprints but to what, he couldn't tell. There were a few pictures on the wall but his vision was too blurry and unfocused to make them out. On either sides of the bed were little nightstands. The one beside Vykan had a cell phone and a tablet. The other had a large slim case and an analog clock. It was a decently decorated room, not too fancy, but definitely well lived in. Where the hell was he?

Vykan sniffed at the air. The scent of something delicious was wafting through a gap in the door. He threw his legs over the bed and followed his nose.

A short hallway took him past another bedroom and a bathroom into a quaint little living room connected to a kitchen. There was a central island with barstools, a comfortable looking L-shaped couch, a coffee table covered in paperwork and knick knacks, and a balcony just off the humble little dining room. There, swaying and rocking within it all, was Jonah.

He looked good. Incredible even. He was bobbing along to some music playing quietly through a speaker system, dancing around with a frying pan in one hand. He sipped at a cup of coffee, sliding gracefully around on socked feet. When he looked up, meeting Vykan's eyes, his smile was blinding. There were a few more lines at the corners of his mouth and eyes and a sprinkling of grey hair at his temples.

He looked happy.

"Ooh, morning, babe," Jonah grinned around a laugh. "Should I disrobe too? We doin' sexy breakfast?"

Vykan barely registered that he was, in fact, naked and strolling around the-- apartment? Condo? House? He moved slowly, as if the very air was fragile.

"I'm making your favorite," Jonah continued. "But you gotta be patient or you get nothing."

"What is this?" Vykan finally spoke, his voice soft.

"Breakfast?" Jonah's face screwed up in confusion. "Steak? Eggs? Fruit salad? Maybe a mimosa or two, if you're good."

"Where are we? Whose dwelling is this?"

Jonah furrowed his brow, looking annoyed now. He set down the pan and turned down the heat. Crossing the room in a few quick strides, he pressed the back of his hand against Vykan's forehead.

"You don't have a fever," He muttered. "Maybe you're just more hungover than I expected. Figures. Thought I married some hot warrior babe and you can't even hold your fucking liquor."

"M-married?"

Jonah snorted. The affectionate and dreamy smile that crossed his face left Vykan's stomach doing backflips.

"Crazy, right? I can't wait for the pictures and video to process, gonna watch that shit on repeat every day for at least a month. We better send Rtas a nice gift bag, he was a fantastic officiate."

"Rtas?! Rtas 'Vadumee?!"

Jonah looked concerned now. He took Vykan by the arm and gingerly steered him to the dining room table. Two of the chairs were clearly human sized while the other two looked more fit for a Sangheili body. Vykan took the latter, trying not to flinch when two hands reached forward to cup his face.

"Are you ok?" Jonah asked, kind yet firm. "Did something happen last night? Did I say something to upset you? Please tell me what the fuck is going on, babe, I'm getting worried."

"... The last thing I... Remember was..." Vykan squeezed his eyes shut. Why were his memories so fuzzy? "We... Were on the UNSC Charon... Rebuilding after the Schism, trying to bridge the gap between humanity and Sangheili... We... You and I were..."

"Nightmares?" Jonah tutted, bumping his forehead against Vykan's. "PTSD'll do that to you, hon, fuck up your perception of time and memories. It'll pass. We'll take it easy, ok? I don't have a lot to do today, I'll tell the gang we'll do lunch another day."

When he broke away, Jonah was smiling but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes. He squeezed Vykan's shoulder before moving back into the kitchen.

"As sexy as it is, you should get dressed," Jonah teased, kicking the heat back up on the stovetop. Warmth slowly leeched back into his voice. "At least some pants or something."

Vykan shuffled back into the bedroom; their bedroom it seemed. Now that he was more awake, he could make out the framed pictures more easily. He recognized Melissa, Pike, and Rod grinning ear-to-ear, arms interlocked. Jonah stood shoulder to shoulder with Master Chief in the next. They were both in full armor. Vykan felt his breath punch right out of his lungs. There he was beside Rtas and Thel. They looked rather serious, as Elites were want to do, but seeing two old friends by his side soothed an ache in his heart. The Arbiter's armor suited Thel and Rtas looked as proud as ever.

Vykan wasn't sure if he was recognizing things now or if something in his brain was making accurate assumptions. The case on Jonah's side of the bed was for his prosthetic. The tablet was Vykan's, no doubt packed with footnotes and journal entries. He picked up a little soft plush animal from the floor. Jonah had won this for him at a carnival, using his incredible sniping skills to a rather unfair advantage.

Ok, so that was a proper memory. But was it real? Was any of this?

"Vy! Breakfast!"

Vykan lurched towards the closet. Wow. Everything was so well organized. The flat was homey for sure but everything was rather clean. Two military men would undoubtedly uphold a pristine living condition. Vykan tugged on a nice dark colored bodysuit, one with a high neck and short sleeves that cut off mid-bicep. He shuffled back down the hall and into the dining room, trying not to act embarrassed when Jonah whistled.

"I've always thought green looked good on you," Jonah smirked, playfully swatting at his ass when he walked by. "Sit, get some food in you, it'll help."

Vykan did as he was told. The steak was perfectly cooked, still pretty rare in the middle. The eggs were gooey but not liquid. The fruits were tart and plump and juicy. He was amazed how little bits and pieces of the flat were adapted to his alien physique. First the large bed, then the chairs, now a slim long-necked bottle for him to drink out of; it all felt so natural, so easy.

Jonah watched him as he ate, taking his time. He chugged two mimosas before he even touched his eggs. When Vykan finished eating, Jonah reached over and intertwined their fingers.

"Last night was... Incredible," He breathed, his high cheeks dusted a rosey red. "I had a lot of fun. I think everyone did but... Just you and me was... Amazing."

Vykan watched his face, trying to will the memories to come back. Dinner, drinks, a nightclub; they were all fuzzy and danced behind his eyes. A birthday? No, something else. Something more important.

"I know this's been a pretty... Unconventional honeymoon," Jonah chuckled, offering the Sangheili a lopsided grin. "But I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Vykan looked down at their hands, joined together on top of the table. On one of Jonah's fingers was a ring. There was a little black diamond inlaid in the simple band. Vykan wasn't sure how but he knew the inscription inside was written in his mother tongue. He lifted his own right hand and set it atop Jonah's. He had a ring too, a basic titanium band with a series of dots engraved around the center. He knew it was a code of some sort but he couldn't quite make it out.

"This must be a dream," Vykan breathed. "This. This cannot be real, I must. I must be dreaming."

Jonah rose from his seat and leaned across the table. He pressed a soft open-mouthed kiss against Vykan's mandibles. He smelled like smoke and citrus and aftershave and iron. Every kiss set Vykan's blood on fire, leaving his heart to skip and stammer in his chest.

"Then it's a good dream." Jonah replied.

#my oc #oc #halo oc #tiny fic #jonah-113 #vykan 'dravam #oohououhuiuhoiuoiiuhoooh #please cry openly in the tags

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ashintheairlikesnow · 5 years

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BTHB: Tearful Smile

You anons wanted the dubcon drabble? I give you de dubcon drabble. CW: Dubcon (on both sides). Also contains drugging, mentions of torture, violence, and abuse, as well as threatened noncon (not depicted). And more than a fair dash of spice.

@spiffythespook asked for tearful smile for @badthingshappenbingo

Blood spot: requested Puppy sticker: fulfilled

This isn’t really my “Merry Christmas” piece - that’s going up next week. But it takes place just before the first Christmas (Handcuffs Year) Danny is in captivity, after just about a full year with Bram in the woods in Alberta.

Tagging: @bleeding-demon-teeth, @spiffythespook, @finder-of-rings, @whumpywhumper, @special-spicy-chicken

“Wh-what did you give him?”

“Does it matter?” Bram sits back on the couch, one arm up, sipping his beer, with the air of a man watching a really fascinating show on TV. “Look at him, Nate. Doesn’t he shine?”

Danny lay on his back with part of his head underneath the Christmas tree, blue eyes sparkling and hazy, running fingers along the lines of red and blue and green lights, whispering “pretty, pretty, pretty” to himself in a tone of hushed awe and wonder.

God, he’s beautiful. Even with the bruises.

Nate swallows back revulsion at the thought, the self-loathing that had become a second skin he wears over the first. The only protection he had left - hating himself for things he hasn’t even done yet, with the understanding that sooner or later, he will.

He can’t hold out forever, and it’s a miracle Bram has even gone this long without forcing him to take a more active role, to do more than clean up the blood, bandage wounds, maybe hold one knife while Bram uses another.

But he can’t argue with Bram’s question, standing next to the couch and looking across the room… because Danny did shine.

He’s high as a fucking kite, and he glows with it, all the daily miseries smoothed out and away by whatever was in his system. His jaw is a little slack, and the wavy red hair is spread out behind and beneath him against the Christmas tree skirt, a perfect circle of dark hunter green that sets off Danny’s pale skin, even in the yellowed light from the lamps and the crackling fireplace.

It etches the pale, thin scars on his face - he’s worn the muzzle three times in one year - into shadows, like a line drawing rather than a man.

Danny doesn’t even seem to notice him yet. He’s lost in the curved oval of the lights, twisting the cord that connected them, the wires a bright green mockery of the colors of the pine needles themselves, wrapped around fingers that were beginning to roughen from cleaning. Danny's hands were losing the way they’d once seemed so oddly sensitive for someone who lived as hard as Danny did.

“Bram, is h-he going to be… oh-okay, in the morning?” Nate had never really done drugs besides pot, it had never been his thing. He’s pretty sure he’s the only person he knows his own age who hasn’t tried something harder.

When he’d first gotten to know Danny, he’d been the only one still worrying about whether or not the skinny redhead, who towered over the rest of the group, would make it home safe after one unwise decision or another.

“What, cause you wanna bring him home with you?” Scott laughed, and the others laughed, too, standing at the bar with beers in hand watching Danny Michaelson throw himself around in a mosh pit down by the stage. It didn’t matter that the bar was dark and the band was loud and there was a crowd down there - you could always see Danny’s hair, his height, above the rest.

Nate watched him push at another man, who shoved back and sent Danny reeling, a fierce smile like a snarl on his face, before he spun and shoved at someone else entirely. You could nearly see the sweat droplets flung from his hair, the way he shone. Danny was angry - and elated - in the dark.

Nate wondered, with a sudden rush of blood in his heart and head and other places entirely, what he looked like with that much sweat on him and much less clothing.

He hadn’t been with anyone since he’d gotten away from Bram, but he thought maybe he was ready to try.

“Wh-what? No! I just… you kn-know, it seems like he d-d-does a lot of drugs,” Nate said, shrugging, trying not to look too concerned, too worried, too interested. He tried taking a very calculated drink of his beer, and spilled some less than gracefully onto his shirt, but it was dark enough that the other men didn’t notice.

“Oh, yeah, he totally does.” That was Will, who just shook his head full of curly dark hair, chugged the rest of his beer, smacked the empty bottle down on the bar, and ordered another - all in one graceful motion.

The bartender was not as impressed as Will wanted him to be.

Nate frowned, glancing back at the mosh pit. A woman nearly a foot shorter than Danny had been pushed down, and Danny leaned over her, blocking the crowd from getting near her while he threw an arm out to help her back up

God, Nate thought, not for the first time, and not for the last. He’s beautiful. “Has anyone tried to st-stop him? From getting high all the time?”

“Stop Danny?” Scott rolled his eyes. “Fuck no. Look, he’s a grown-ass man, he’ll make his own dumbass choices. He’s a cool guy, but he’s a fucking roller coaster. Just… hang on and enjoy the ride, Nate.”

“I’m n-not… that’s not wh-what I m-m-m-”

“Settle down, numbnuts, I’m kidding. Anyway, keep it casual with Danny or don’t keep it at all.”

“Wh-why?”

“He’s angry as fuck, man. Probably going to burn out by his mid-twenties on that bitter shit.”

“And the drugs, Will.”

“Right. Scott’s right - can’t discount the drugs. But, you know what - fuck it, don’t we all burn out by thirty now?”

“Yeah,” Scott said, and laughed again. “Danny just gets to burn out with all that mysterious money. We should all be so lucky.”

Nate stands next to the little plastic mat with the thin blankets that left Danny shivering and sometimes so desperately cold he was willing to get in bed with Bram just to have a hint of warmth, and wonders what Scott and Will and the rest of them would think about how lucky Danny is now.

Is his ankle chain lucky? Are the open sores on his wrists from the handcuffs lucky? Is he lucky to have Bram slice into the backs of his hands, over and over again? Should he count himself lucky to be alive, or would Danny have been luckier if he were dead by now?

“He’s fine,” Bram says, waving his free hand carelessly, bringing Nate back from his thoughts. The pale blue eyes - a little cloudy-looking, and with those darker pieces of himself that constantly move under the surface - are locked on Danny, too. “He knew I put shit in his drink the second I gave it to him and he didn’t fight me on it… so maybe there’s something you didn’t know about our little Red, huh?”

“N-no, I saw h-him do stuff, at bars…” Nate hesitates, torn between twin urges to walk away and to stay here to stare at the absolute gorgeousness that was Danny’s face lit from the inside out. That was the thing, wasn’t it? Danny had been bitter and angry - and sort of fascinating for the way he so easily accessed the fury that Nate no longer could - but on drugs he was softer. Nate had sworn, back when he was hiding out and hoping Bram would give up looking for him one day, that he could see that the bitter part of Danny was a shell he wore over the real man underneath.

“You want him?” Bram asks, casually. Like offering to let Nate borrow a book.

“I’m s-s-sorry, do I what?”

Of course I fucking want him, but not like this.

“You’ve said no every other time I’ve tried to get you to take him. I only brought him here because of you, anyway... What about this time? Maybe because he won’t remember it this time? Should make it easier on you, right?”

Yes, because the problem is whether or not he remembers it, not that I did it. That makes perfect fucking sense.

Bram glances back at him, and their eyes briefly meet, and Nate sinks under the water, for just a second, before Bram looks away.

You goddamn monster. I love you.

“I don’t th-think Ecstasy m-m-makes you forget anything,” Nate says, hesitantly, his low voice soft enough to cover the hardness of his thoughts. His stomach twists again. There’s nothing he’d rather do less than victimize Danny yet again, in a whole new way, in an even worse way than the bleeding and the pain.

Danny seems finally to notice him, twisting around on the floor to look over, shooting Nate a loopy, addled, beautiful bright smile. His ankle chain rattles as he moves, the cuff too tightly to even shift around. “Pretty lights,” He breathes. “Nate, come lay down in the lights with me. C’mon. I want you to see the lights this way.”

“Go ahead,” Bram says, grinning. It’s a shark’s smile, full of sharp teeth - too many sharp teeth. “He wants you to see the lights this way, Nate.”

“Bram, I d-d-don’t want t-to-”

“Do I look like I give a fuck what you want? I said get down on the fucking floor with him.” Bram’s voice drops, and Nate has been with him long enough not to flinch at the change in tone, but he feels the cold wash over him regardless. Every defiance, every time Nate says ‘no’, every moment he claws back onto the hint of who he is - all of it is a moment he’s waiting for Bram to turn on him and force him to do it, anyway. “Or would you rather I got down on the floor with him?”

“Oh, no, I don’t want that,” Danny breathes, but he can’t seem to keep his eyes on them - they trail back to the Christmas lights, the evergreen smell in the room, the hint of sticky sap on the trunk where it’s riveted into the tree stand with the special plant food to make its slow death take even longer. “Nate, I want you to come lay down with me, not, not Abraham, please. Nate, can you, please?” He turns the wide, clouded blue eyes on Nate.

“Look, see?” Bram grins. “He wants you down there with him.”

“Why are y-y-you doing this?” Nate whispers, through lips that barely move. “You d-don’t want him to f-f-feel good, or be happy. Why w-w-would you g, give him something that makes him f-f-feel like this?”

“Mmmn, that’s true.” Bram cocks his head as Danny tries to wriggle himself totally out from under the tree, pushing himself up on one elbow. His eyes move back down to the braided rug, the mass of colors and textures, and he rolls onto his stomach, running his fingers over the bumps and ridges of cloth. “Maybe it’s not him I want to make miserable today.”

Nate frowns, eyes narrowing slightly, but he can’t stop watching Danny’s fingers, long and thin, the tracery of scars along the backs of his hands, the wounds reopened and cut a little deeper every time he screws up, defies an order, tries to be who he used to be.

The bones of his wrists that stick out more than they used to, the little knob right there where wrist and hand meet that Nate just wants to hold, the underside with its thin hint of purplish-blue veins that he’d have given anything some days to lick-

He shakes it off, with effort, and swallows against the dryness of his mouth. “And you th-th-think giving me wh-what I want with him will m-m-make me miserable?”

“I know it will.” Bram shrugs, casual as can be. “You don’t want him like this. But I know you better than anyone else in the world will ever know you, Nate. I know you’ll say yes.”

“H-How do you kn-kn-know I’ll say yes?” Nate asks, and his voice is barely a whisper of sound, but Bram hears him anyway.

“Because if you won’t,” Bram says, taking a sip from his beer, “I will.”

“Y-Y-You already do.”

Bram’s smile could freeze Arizona. “Not like I will if you say no. I know you think I hurt him, but I want you to believe me, baby, I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the ways I can make him regret every fucking breath. So yes, or no?”

“Nate,” Danny says, in a low soft voice. “Nate, come over here. Feel this rug. Shit, I haven’t been high like this since…”

“Since before you came home to me, puppy,” Bram says sweetly, and Danny’s eyes jerk up to his, wide in a face that’s gotten thinner with never eating enough. They don’t quite manage to focus on him, but even like this this, Nate can see the naked fear that crosses his face.

“Before I came home,” Danny repeats quickly, but after a second he seems to forget he was looking at Bram at all. Nate watches his jaw slacken and all his thoughts slip right through his fingers as he drops his attentions back to the rug.

“Yes or no, Nate, I haven’t got all night,” Bram says. The walls of the living room, the one large room in this tiny cabin, seem to be closing in. Smaller and smaller, the way all his choices and his understanding of himself gets closed in, chipped away.

“Y-Yes, you do. We have all the t-t-time in the world, out h-here.” Nate’s voice is calm, somehow, and he steps forward, moving away from Bram and the furniture and over to Danny where he lays stretched on the rug on his side, watching his own fingertips playing with a loose thread in the seam that holds two rolls of the rug together.

“Is that a yes, my love?” Bram’s voice is low, and pleased.

Nate takes all the guilt that threatens to squeeze the breath out of him, sets it aside in an empty gaping canyon of self-hatred that lives eternally in the back of his mind, and says simply, “It’s a yes.”

Danny rolls onto his back, looking up at Nate, wavy red hair falling into his eyes. It’s winter, and Danny’s hair is already getting long, past his ears and whispering along the back of his neck, twisting in soft curls across his forehead. Nate reaches out to push the hair away, and Danny hums softly. “Your fingers feel nice,” He whispers.

“G-Good,” Nate whispers back, aware of Bram’s eyes burning into him, trying to ignore it, to push it all away. Life with Bram has always been about trading away whatever he has left, to save himself in the end. And now to trade the dregs of the man that still remains, to try and save another.

By doing something he’s always wanted to do and doesn’t want to do at all.

“So, this is stupid, but I’ve been… you know, I know you’re older and you, like, know shit I don’t. But I’ve been… thinking about you, kind of a lot, I guess.” Danny looked away from him, nervously sipping his drink, and Nate reached out to take it from his hands, letting their fingertips graze each other just a little bit.

“Don’t d-d-drink so fast, you’ll g-get drunk and be harder to t-t-talk to,” Nate said, and pitched his voice into real flirtation, something he used to be fairly good at. He’d gotten rusty, trapped in that house.

“Aren’t drunk people supposed to be easier to talk to?” Danny countered, but he lets Nate take the drink and place it on the table, tilted his head to let a little hair fall into his eyes, gave Nate a toothy smile that he knew already he’d love to see more of.

“Not y-you. I like you b-b-better sober.” Nate hesitated, then leaned forward, a little more into Danny’s space. When Danny’s smile only widened, and they were nearly nose-to-nose in the little bar, neither of them wanted to pull away and break the moment.

“I think I want to see more of you,” Danny said, a whisper nearly drowned out by the music around them.

“I th-think I want to s-see more of y-y-you, too,” Nate replied, and thought - fuck Scott and Will’s advice, they didn’t know shit. Nate had gone years trapped in hell and he just wanted to be with someone again.

Besides which, Scott and Will didn’t seem to see that under all his anger, there was something that shone in Danny Michaelson.

You just had to find it and bring it out.

Nate strokes gentle fingers across his forehead, down the side of his face and his neck, over a hint of collarbone that peeks out from the neckline of his shirt. Danny shivers with a smile on his face, eyes fluttering closed and then open again. “I’m s-s-so sorry,” Nate murmurs to him, with real feeling. “I’m so s-s-sorry, Red.”

“Sssshhhhh,” Danny whispers, and his own hands slip down. Nate watches with that dryness in his mouth again as the redhead’s fingers curve around the hem of his T-shirt, grip on, and he arches his back so he can slide it right off his head, tossing it lazily to the side. The firelight catches the muscles of his arms as he moves, sets off the freckled skin. “Ssssshhh, you’re so good, Nate, you’re so nice.”

“I’m sorry,” Nate repeats, because he has to, and with Bram watching them both, he leans down to kiss the end of Danny’s nose, one of the scars along his cheekbone, up to his forehead. “I’m so sorry. J-j-just look at m-me now, okay?”

The blue eyes open, and for a moment, the two men only look at each other and smile - Danny’s hazy and drugged and beautiful, Nate’s guilty, tearful, and a little frightened.

Frightened for Danny, frightened of Bram, frightened of himself and how easily he will hand over any last remaining shred of principle or conviction if it will save Danny Michaelson even a moment of pain.

“What are you waiting for?” Bram asks, not quite snapping.

Danny tenses, then reaches out to grab Nate by the back of the neck and pull him down for a kiss. His mouth is soft, and warm - the rest of Danny always seems so cold now - and Nate lets himself be lost in the moment, tries to shift away how much he hates himself for what he’s about to do.

But it’s better, if it’s him and not Bram.

At least once.

At least for tonight.

When they break apart, foreheads still touching, Danny’s cloudy eyes try to focus on his clear green ones. “‘Kay,” Danny murmurs, their lips still nearly brushing. “Can do it. Can look-... your eyes are bleeding, Nate.”

“What?” His voice is hushed, a whisper, and he brushes the backs of his knuckles on his good hand down Danny’s neck, over breastbone, down his stomach, watching Danny arch into the touch, feeling him shift and move as Nate’s hand curves around one hip over the thin cotton pants that are the only pants he’s ever allowed to wear, no matter the weather.

“Like green sky…” Danny smiles at him, a flash of white teeth, nuzzling at his face, his hands moving up to Nate’s neck, over his shoulders, feeling at the fabric of his shirt, lost in the softness, the warmth of the heavy knit fabric. “You’re stained glass,” Danny whispers, words slightly slurred. “You’re a fucking saint sparking fucking starlight…” Nate shifts, or Danny does - he likes to hope it was Danny, for his own sake, for his own sanity. It moves their hips together, just a little, where Nate lays next to him on the floor.

“Fuck,” Danny nearly groans. “Ah…” He grabs Nate by the arms and pulls the older man on top of him, and for a half-second Nate wants to forget that anything is wrong with this, that it’s anything but his first Christmas with the younger guy who seemed like everything Bram wasn’t, everything Nate wanted.

For a while, it’s only this - a kiss, or a series of them, but they run together and Nate isn’t sure he’d count it as more than one. Hands, and Danny’s ribs stand out too much in his thin frame and Nate’s fingertips trail over each shade and hint of light. Danny whispering to him, nonsense things, and the lights of the Christmas tree still shine in his eyes and bounce off his hair.

Nate buries his bad hand in that hair, feels the softness that’s started to go brittle after nearly a full year of never eating enough.

Bram laughs - the awful off-key barking hyena laughter - and Danny freezes underneath Nate, breathing harder, clutching tightly onto him like Nate could possibly protect him from the consequences of Bram’s horrible good humor.

“J-Just look at me, Red,” Nate whispers urgently against his ear, licking at the earlobe, feeling Danny shiver again and hold him with shaking hands. “Just look right at me.” His good hand slides back down to grip Danny’s hip, to steady him against the sense of Bram’s eyes, and his heart is pounding.

He can feel Danny’s heartbeat, too, and some part of him wants to smile, because he’d always sort of wanted to lay somewhere with Danny Michaelson, feeling his heartbeat right through his skin.

Not like this, though.

Not like this.

I should have known Bram would never, ever let me go. But it never occurred to me that if he found me with someone, he’d take them, too.

Nate drops his mouth to Danny’s neck now, kissing gently along the scarring starting there from the barbed wire that Bram sometimes wraps around his throat, making him practice breathing until he bleeds. When he nips at the scarred skin, Danny lets out the first real, true noise.

When he closes his mouth on it, the noise gets louder.

“Well this is getting interesting.” Nate would gladly stab Bram like he once stabbed his sister, leave him dying on the kitchen floor, and he and Danny would flee through the woods and find civilization, go back home-

But he can’t hurt Bram. And even if this is the only night he can protect, he can’t let Bram have Danny to destroy if he’s given even the barest hint of a choice.

Danny had tensed again at Bram’s voice, and Nate catches his eyes as he nearly turns to look at the monster sitting on the couch wearing skin like a man. “No, no, just look right at me,” He says, a little urgently, turning Danny’s face back to his. “It’s going to be oh-okay. It’s okay. I d-d-don’t want to, I promise, I just… I have to-”

“Of course you want to,” Bram interrupts, shifting where he sits, slowly leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs, beer still in hand. Outside, snow falls in a perfect picturesque white. “And if you don’t… I will.”

“I know that, B-Bram,” Nate says, in a voice that’s not quite pleading. “I kn-know. Just-”

“Sssshhhh.” Danny cranes his neck, moving his head up from the floor enough to kiss Nate’s cheek, scarred, rough-skinned hands pulling Nate back in for another kiss. “S’okay if it’s you,” Danny says, softly, and he smiles softly, and nearly everything about Danny is soft, and sweet, and beautiful.

And fogged and drugged, high and off-limits in Nate’s mind - but the choice he’s been given is to cross his own lines or watch Danny be torn apart again.

Tonight, just this one night, he has the chance to trade away one more piece of the principled, moral man he used to think he was. He gives away his certainty that he’d never do anything like this - that he would never, ever be this person - because if he doesn’t, Bram will do something far worse.

“Always if it’s you,” Danny continues, and now it’s his lips against Nate’s neck, tongue lapping at the slowly fading pink marks from Ashley’s knives, her little game of seeing how long it took him to scream. “I want you, too.” Danny’s hands are on his shirt and Nate lets him pull it up, pull it over his head, muss up his black hair.

He shouldn’t do this.

He has to do this.

He wants to do this.

But… not like this.

“Saint Nate,” Danny says, tone playful, consonants soft and slurred together, as his hands move over Nate’s chest and torso, play along his sides, slide down under the waistband of his pants until Nate nearly gasps. “Ha,” Danny grins at him. “Look at you, Saint Nate. Saint… Saint Nathaniel. Patron saint of, of puppies, and… fuck, what’d he put in my drink? Shit, you feel so good-”

Nate groans, and gives up, and his good hand slips into Danny’s pants, too, searches and finds, begins to move. When Danny’s hips jerk up hard, Nate pauses, but one scarred hand grabs at his wrist and presses his palm down right where it is.

“Don’t stop,” Danny murmurs, and uses his hand to show Nate what he wants him to do.

“Fuck, R-Red,” Nate groans into his neck, into his warm skin, as Danny moves against him. “I’m so sorry.”

This isn’t how I wanted this to happen.

“Say, what’s in this driiiiink,” Danny sings, and his voice is cracked and hideously off-key. Danny has an awful singing voice, and still Nate finds himself smiling. “Baby, it’s cold outsiiiiiide…”

“Sssshhhh.” Nate shifts back, resting his weight on his legs, a knee on either side of Danny’s hips. Still on his back on the floor, Danny’s eyes drift through the room, landing but never staying, and finally… finally they make it back to Nate.

When they land on him, they stay.

“Stop holding out on him, baby,” Bram says. His voice is impatient, not quite snapping, but Nate knows it for what it is - not annoyance but hunger. Bram wants him to be miserable, to hate himself, for spend the next few days castigating himself for being a fucking criminal, a piece of shit, the worst thing in the world. “He’s asking for it.”

“Please,” Danny says softly, and Nate’s hatred of himself shatters - for the moment only for now - under the affection there. Written on Danny’s face is all the sweetness Nate once thought you had to find in him, right there to be had, right on the surface.

“H-How can you w-w-want me like this?” Nate asks, and he doesn’t mean the drugs (although he means that, too). No, he wants to know how Danny can want him when they are trapped somewhere in the woods together but Danny is tortured and cut to shreds and beaten and destroyed piece by piece, while Nate eats at the table and doesn’t have to ask and sleeps in a bed without having to earn it.

He wants to know how Danny can want him, after everything that’s happened because Nathaniel Vandrum had a fucking crush on him.

“I wanted you before,” Danny whispers, fumbling at the button of Nate’s jeans, having trouble getting his hands to close well enough. “Why would I stop now? C’mere, Saint Nate. S’okay if it’s you, I want it to be you. C’mere.”

The lights from the Christmas tree light Danny’s skin with little hints of blue, and red, and green, and yellow. The lights glint in his hair and on the line of his freckled shoulder. They dance over some of the freckles on his face, and Nate can’t quite stop himself from kissing his favorite little cluster of them, right along the scar on Danny’s left cheek.

I could never deserve this.

I never wanted it like this.

I want you so badly it hurts.

I’ll hate myself tomorrow, if you’ll let me - but I don’t think you will.

“Merry Christmas,” Danny says, with an odd, lopsided, goofy little smile.

Nate shakes off the icy blue eyes that watch them from the couch, and lowers his head to kiss Danny again. “Merry Ch-Christmas.”

#whump #tw: serious dubcon #on both sides #drugged #tw: forced drugging #caretaker whumpee #caretaker #drugged whumpee #captivity #tw: referenced torture #mildly spicy - like PG 13/mild R spice #like safe enough to read in public but not so safe you want to explain what's happening to your grandma #Daniel Michaelson's story #Bad Things Happen Bingo #bthb daniel michaelson's story #tearful smile #scarring

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mavmax · 4 years

Text

Strange Love (Part I) | Maverick & Sooyun

When: Tuesday, January 19th

Where: Somewhere in Ocean Park.

Warnings: Drugs, Alcohol

Featuring: @sooyunjeong

sooyun felt exhausted keeping up the appearance of Eric's supposed girlfriend, which was probably why she found herself at a party that was being held just to get away from the annoying questions and looks of her stealing Eric away. In her defense, Lexa should have made a move on Eric instead of beating around the bush. But it was sort of her fault for sending that selfie to her through Eric's phone while he was passed out. She shot back the shot and cringed at the taste, vodka wasn't her strong suit but it was the only drink that she could rely on that wouldn't give her a terrible hangover. After the performance, Sooyun left the band behind and ended up at this party where she knew no one, everyone clearly were far different from her social circle. The young girl leaned against the wall and felt the vibration against her body, maybe she shouldn't have taken those drugs. Opening her eyes and squinting as she recoginize the face and that smile anywhere. "Maverick Maxwell!" Sooyun yelled out, pointing at him as she pushed herself away from the wall and grinned cheekily, "What are you doing here?"

Maverick knew not to pass up any party invitation in Santa Monica, although this one, he almost considered passing up to shoot some hoops to get his mind off the stress that Lexa practically radiated the whole weekend. He needed to let loose, and so, he called up a few of his college buddies, pre-gamed and smoked a blunt--or three, and now here he was crossfaded as all hell and taking shots as if they were water. He mingled throughout the party, making casual conversation from everything to crazy ragers in the past to a recent performance that Maverick had zero clue about, but was bummed out that he missed. He always liked local bands performing. As he made his way to grab himself some snacks from the back, he heard a voice that made his whole body whip around. "Well, well, well, what do we have here!" Maverick smiled making his way over to none other than Soo-yun. "The host invited me and a few of the boys. What're you doing here?"

"I got invited as well," she shrugged her shoulders, she don't even remember who it was that dragged her here but they left her behind as she wander off and made friends left and right. "At least now I know someone around here, I kept getting asked questions and I never know how to hold a decent conversation before running away." Sooyun tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and grinned, "Did you go to the concert? If so, I didn't see you, I can't even see when I am on stage so there's that." Someone tapped her shoulder as they passed by to wave, in turn, she waved back unaware on who they were due to the fact half the time she doesn't even remember their names, might've been one of the parties she went too in the past. "There's talk of the after after party--who knew people can party for so long."

"Damn, looks like you roll deep around here. Small ass world," He chuckled. With Santa Monica being as big as it is, there was no surprise that people's circles would often intermingle, if they played their cards right of course. "I mean shit, that's what I'm saying cause my boys all disappeared within the first hour and shit. And honestly, conversations can be weird. I like to keep 'em light, talk about different parties, ixnay on politics, spot another person, wave and respectfully dip," He explained with a wry grin. "Wait, there was a concert? Shit...no, I didn't go. Had I known, I definitely would've gone. It's been a while since I've seen local bands play with basketball and shit," He responded honestly. She effortlessly mingled well with people and Maverick had to admit he was pretty impressed, well--he wouldn't mention that now with the haze settling upon him. "That's what I was hearing too! Like damn, you guys really want to party til the break of dawn, huh? Pretty fuckin' wild," He laughed. "Are you going to the after after party?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah there was, it wasn't planned but they needed a band to cover and I figured why the hell not, so hence here I am. Lost my band mates but it's fine, good thing a thing called Lyft is available incase I have to somehow hobble my ass home or sleep with someone." She said out loud, the downside of being intoxicated it appeared the things she normally kept shut was coming to surface, "But on another note, I might...I really don't want to go home and I really don't want to answer any more questions about Eric." Sooyun didn't mind questions about herself but when it came to the supposed relationship, she couldn't come up with anymore lies and the fact Eric wasn't helping by shutting out the world in his dream state, Sooyun was left to deal with the domino affect and dodge questions left and right. She quickly grabbed a plastic red cup and started mixing her own drink, something that would numb the stress. "Also you should go bug Eric sometime...he is practically sleeping his life away at this point."

"Ahhhh, okay. Makes sense. Impromptu gigs are the shit. You show up, surprise the audience, do your thing and wow everyone. I mean, that's what's up, you know? As for the rest of your evening, well, there's a bunch of hotties to go around, so..." Mav chuckled as he looked around at the word "hotties". Last thing he needed was to take a drunken L, least he could do was pretend to be slightly uninterested compared to his sober self, although his sober self was currently taking notes now. "Well, you could either hide out at the next party and scope out to see where there'll be less people or wind up at Onyx?" He added with a shrug. He managed to block out the mention of Eric, probably because he eyed the bottle of tequila and as much as he hated the taste, here he was, reaching over for it, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig from it. Future him is going to hate himself tomorrow. At the mention of Eric again, he chuckled at the thought of him sleeping. "Homeboy sleeps like a bear. Plus, his phone's prolly on DND. I'd say Lexa could get to him, but she's been busy with CEO business and shit. When he wakes up though, we'll prolly go get some gimbap or something."

She knew mention Eric was a low blow, she seen those posts on GG, she didn't think Maverick would actually be that interested in her after the many times she shot him down. She figured that he would move on with ease or maybe she just assumed all that due to her ex who in a way was similar to Maverick but standing here before him, realizing they were completely different sure they shared the confidence of flirting but now Sooyun was able to see that Maverick wasn't anything like her ex. "Yeah he does, which I was surprised but hey...everyone has their niche." Sooyun shrugged, her eyes widening at Maverick drinking the tequila, "Uh...you really think that's a good idea? Tequila doesn't sit well with most people. Not that I should be telling you how to act but I really don't want to drag you out of here, I may act strong but I have no muscles."

While the mention of Eric and Sooyun sucked for the time being, he was able to bounce back fairly quickly, as if he were unscathed. The one thing that's swirled in his mind is that Sooyun's rejected his advances prior anyways, so at the end of the day, the sting lessened. However, he was definitely confused as hell now that Sooyun seemed happy to be conversing with him at the moment. It almost gave him some sort of hope. "I'm pretty sure he can sleep through a tsunami warning at this point. I envy his sleeping pattern, that's for sure," He admitted with a laugh. It would be the only envy he'd admit out loud given his state, too. "Oh this? It went down pretty smoothly, so y'know, that won't be too bad. I was gonna grab some food anyways so the effects of the tequila won't hit too hard," He reassured her with a laugh. "You game to grab some food too?" He offered cautiously.

The mention of food made her realize she hasn't even eaten dinner nor lunch, all the nerves enabling her to eat a decent meal without puking. "Depends...are you going to hunt through said kitchen or are we going to grab an uber because I don't know about you...but now after seeing you take that tequila like a champ, I want to one you up on shots." Sooyun knew that this was a terrible choice especially now she realizes she's drinking on an empty stomach but the fact she was high and about to be even more intoxicated, it just didn't mesh well from the first time around she done this. "Let's see...how about...four shots, make it even. Four for you and four for me...make a toast or whatever." She waved her hand as she grabbed mini plastic shot glasses and grabbed the tequila from Maverick, pouring them the shots and set it between them. "Oh we can even spice it up...if you can't take a shot, you have to make a confession. So...eight shots." That math didn't make any sense but at this point, Sooyun didn't care.

"Yeah, I was gonna check the kitchen first and if there wasn't shit, then we'd grab and Uber and go wherever we felt like eating at,"he shrugged. "You really want to challenge me to shots?" He asked, a devious smirk curling on his lips. Maverick knew very damn well that he was playing with fire at this point. Sure, he took a swig without wincing or making a face, but this was about to be torture...but the thing about Maverick Maxwell was that he never backed down from a challenge, especially from someone as gorgeous as Sooyun. "Bet, you're on," He said with a nod. His crossfaded mind tried to do the math in his head as best as he could. Eight shots between the both of them was bound to fuck them up. "Like truth or dare? Okay, I see the vision here," He said as he watched Sooyun pouring the tequila into each of the shot glasses. Taking one of the shots and handing Sooyun hers, he smirked. "Bottoms up," and threw the first shot back.

Sooyun knew she was about to die, almost like her body knew what she was about to be put into the next day, she tried to pay much mind to it as she squeezed her eyes tightly together and threw the shot back. Cringing as the taste went down smoothly, with a burning trail as a reminder for what she was doing to herself. "Jesus...I swear tequila never gets any easier," she mumbled to herself and wiped the back of her hand against her mouth, looking up at Maverick and laughed, "Another? Or do you want to use one of your truth or dares already?" She teased him, flipping the shot glass upside down onto the table, the sound around them muffled as her attention was solely on Maverick. To think she managed to hide her attraction to him sober but now that sobriety was out the window, it was as if she was a whole different person.

It was official that both he and Sooyun signed their death sentences tonight. Tomorrow was going to be incredibly brutal and he was already mentally blocking out his hangover stage because it was going to be a bitch. The taste of the tequila was smooth but the familiar back of the throat burn was what nearly threw him off, he had to silently smile at his poker face behind it. "No going back now. Despite the back of the throat burn," He teased with a laugh. He met Sooyun's gaze again and nodded. "You're not getting me that easy," he responded with an eyebrow wiggle as he set down his shot glass upside down. He liked that it was just them two playing their own little game, drowning out the rest of the world with just them and tequila. It was beginning to get harder to pretend that he wasn't as interested in her, but that would be a problem for later Maverick. He took his own shot again, throwing it back with a smirk and flipping his upside down. "Just like water," he bragged with a laugh.

"Here I thought you would be weak," she laughed, making a mental note to drink water before she passes out later, but she doubt she would even remember that simple task. "Another then," she grinned as she reached for the second glass and held his out towards him, flashing him a flirtatious smirk, raising the glass and throwing it back, coughing at the burning taste. Sooyun realized the next round she might have to use one of her own truth or dare at this point, especially because she wasn't taking a break between each shots and the thing about tequila, it was worse than vodka, it will creep up and bite her in the ass. She just hoped no one would report what they see tonight towards GG, it was hard enough to not slip up when she was out in public with Eric, she also knew it was hard for him which was why he stayed home and kept his phone on DND to avoid confrontation.

"You severely underestimate me, Soo," He winked, the flirtation slowly creeping back in on him as much as his sober self tried to reign it back in. At this point, all bets were off. Although, he was beginning to think that the impulsive Gatorade vibe would save his life tomorrow morning. At the second shot, the burn was slightly stronger than the last, a clear warning sign for him to slow the fuck down before things got ugly too soon. When he heard Sooyun's cough, he was relieved. At least now they could truth or dare it out because there was no way both of them in the current states that they were in, that they'd make it out in one piece. He pondered what he could confess about, it had to be something small, yet, somewhat meaningful, but still not enough to scratch the surface. Last thing he needed was to confess he practically shut off all emotion about Sooyun so he could move on quicker. "I guess we're gonna have to use that truth or dare card," He chuckled. "Tequila's getting more bitter by the shot, don't you think?

"More like it's death in each shot I throw back," Sooyun grimaced as she reached for the mix drink she made for herself and took a drink to somehow wash out the taste. Mixing alcohol was probably not the best idea but at the moment it definitely helped. "Okay...I guess since I was the one to tap out, you can ask me the magical words of truth or dare." She caved in, letting Mav take the first round since she practically came up with this stupid game in the first place.

"I'm so glad I wasn't the first to admit that," He teased with a laugh. "You're right though, I'll give you that," Maverick tried not to look at the tequila shots as he tried reaching towards the fruit bowl. Finally, sustenance. Grabbing two apples, he handed one to Sooyun and kept one for himself, taking a bite out of it. "I guess so, huh?" He smirked. "Alright Sooyun, truth or dare," He asked coyly.

Sooyun realized her mistake on the fact she was probably going to have this game backfire in her face now that she could either pick truth and having to say something true from his question or dare where he could possibly have her embarass herself. She rolled her eyes, "Dare...not about to spill any secrets just yet," she giggled, waiting to hear his dare for her.

Maverick took another bite of his apple waiting for Sooyun's response. A big smile graced his features as he knew very damn well she was going to play hard to get in this round. "How'd I know that's what you were going to pick?" He teased with a knowing look. "Okay, I dare you to, take off your bra and use it as a hat now, if you don't have a bra...I'm sorry to say, you might have to use your panties as a hat for the night," He challenged.

gaping at him and his words, she assumed he would choose some silly dare not this sort of dare, laughing lightly, "Now what if I wasn't wearing any panties...then what." Sooyun challenged Maverick, of course she was wearing underwear, she wasn't that adventurous and even if she was, she wouldn't admit to anything unless the person she was sleeping with took her clothes off. "Good thing I wore a bra that is easy to slip off," she rolled her eyes as she placed the apple in her mouth to hold and reached behind to unclip it, doing the whole slipping the bra off and out of her sleeve to pull out a soft pink bra and place on her head. "Gotta make sure not to lose this, you know how much bras cost? Which is ridiculous for a tiny piece of cloth.

He couldn't help but laugh at Sooyun's reaction to his dare. Mav knew he wasn't going to make it that easy for her, after all, it wouldn't be him if it was. "The backup plan was charm someone's shirt off to wear it as a head wrap, but that's pretty mild compared to the original," He explained with a grin. He watched the whole ordeal and the one thing he had to admit was girls really had their own tricks on getting bras off without getting their shirts off. He was going to make a note of what Sooyun did--for science. "Don't worry, with a color that pink, it'll be hard to miss," He teased. "Guess that means it's your turn."

#p:sooyun #para #I cut it into two parts cause it got looong #drugs tw #alcohol tw

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apocalypses-and-other-things · 5 years

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Pairing: 10K/reader

Warnings: drinking, cursing, humor, and cute drunk 10K

Summary: 10K and yourself find a stash of booze in the house the team commandeered for the night. You take it upon yourselves to have some drunken fun! Enjoy! *Y/N/N = your nick name*

Let's Play A Grinking Dame (Drinking Game)!:

You were only 15 when the whole world went berserk, and with all the time that had passed nothing had gotten any better... except for meeting this group of strong willed, lively humans dead set on a mission to save the world. It turns out that you weren't the only teenager caught in this miserable dumpster fire of an apocalypse though. There was a boy named Tommy, who preferred to be called 10K, but he sometimes let it slide when you called him Tommy with no one else around. He was tall and lean, with black hair and a smile that could make a heart melt. He was your favorite in the group, but you'd never say that out loud. Together, you were all a merry band of misfits with not much to hold onto, but each other and that was a-okay. You were 19 now and 10K, 20. It's been 4 long years!

All of you, tired and dehydrated, happened upon a suburban home in a town with no surviving population. The sky was cloudy and perpetually filled with doom... like always... but you and the rest of the group could tell there was definitely a storm on the way and it was time to hunker down until it blew over. You and 10K made sure the place was safe before the rest of the group piled in and made themselves comfy. 10K pulled you aside "wanna check the garage with me? Just in case... ya know". He smiled and you nodded, opening the door to what looked like some sort of survival shelter! There were cans of food, water, and... wait... whiskey?!? A boat load of it! You cocked your head towards 10K and beamed "Is it bad that I don't even care about the food?" He shrugged and picked up 2 bottles while you grabbed a gallon of water and a few food items.

Warren praised you both before sitting down to eat with Addy. The rest of the group was out cold, so you took Doc's deck of playing cards. You both huddled up in the corner of the house, the cards and whiskey between your legs. "Hey Tommy, let's play a drinking game!" You whispered with excitement as you opened the bottle. 10K blushed a little, almost like he was nervous. "Sure Y/N. Thing is, I don't really know any..." his smile dulled. "It's cool! We'll make one up! I'm sure it won't matter in an hour or two anyway!" You took the first swig and then passed the bottle to him. "Oh Fuck!" He shook his head fast and his face wretched after taking his first big swallow. "You sure you can last an hour with straight whiskey?" He said in a cocky tone, interrupting you as you tried to make up some rules. "Screw you, 10K!" You said in mock-anger as you took another drink.

The game turned out to be an alcoholic version of go fish, as if that were even possible! "Ya know, this really wasn't a bad idea, Y/N/N!" 10K had started calling you by a pre-Z nickname and although you rolled your eyes, you secretly loved hearing him say it; now more-so than ever as he sat criss-cross confront of you and a bit wobbly from the bottle.

"Hey! No peeking, you little cheater!" You noticed 10K's eyes try and wonder over your cards, seeing if he could find a move to make you drink instead of him. "And just for that, you drink twice!" You gave him a shit eating grin and passed him the bottle. "Geeze, you sure do care a lot about this adult version of go fish Y/N/N!" He stuck his tongue out and put his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L as he drank twice in consequence to his curious eyes. "I'd hate to see you play monopoly." He said jokingly as the card game continued and all you could do was huffed at his smart ass remarks.

You yourself were also starting to feel the tipsiness hit as you giggled, forgetting all about the cards and the rules. "Shhhhh, Tommy! No one else is supposed to hear you call me that!" He couldn't help but bust into a childlike laughter as he propped himself against the wall behind him "Oh yeah? Maybe you should quit saying my real name so loud then Y/N/N!" He spat out teasingly and took another big drink, taking the bottle way down past the half way point. His cheeks were pink, so was the tip of his nose, the corners of his lips turned up in a constant smile. It was the happiest you'd seen the angsty little Z kill counter, aside from that time he saw mount Rushmore vandalized and thought it was the coolest.

"Hey... hey Y/N... come here..." he patted a throw pillow right beside him and threw his long arms out so you could curl up into them. You took the not so subtle hint and did just that. "I think we've played enough of this grinking dame, Tommy". You whispered and giggled at your drunken word gibberish. 10K laughed a little too and you felt his arms squeeze you just a bit tighter, then came a wide-mouthed yawn. "Yeah, I could go for a nap right about now." Almost before he could finish the sentence, his head turned to the side and his eyes flickered shut, his breathing steadied and he snored ever so softly. You pulled a blanket over the both of you and rested your head on his chest. You'd tease him tomorrow about losing the game and his no doubt killer hangover, but right now your eyes were too heavy to stay open so they didn't.

#10k z nation #z nation #10k fanfiction z nation #zombie apocalypse

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binary-colour · 5 years

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Falsettos UK time

So I just went to see the UK production of Falsettos last night and kind of wanted to word vomit all my thoughts and key parts of it onto a post so that I can preserve the amazingness in my mind for as long as possible.

Basically, I’ve been obsessed with this show for a while now and it lived up to every expectation possible. The cast were incredible, the singing was outstanding and my mum sobbed solidly through the second act.

FYI - we had the male cover Matthew McKenna as Whizzer (I was a bit worried at first but he was incredible)

This is v v long so read at own risk ig. Also, spoilers!

Four Jews was portraying Jason’s birth (like, the ‘slavery’ was Trina going into labour). It worked really well actually, especially for people who had no idea what the show was about (ie 90% of the audience lmao) It was also Trina in it more than Jason, but there was this hilarious bit when they did the ‘I’m Mendel!’ etc. section and Trina went ‘I’m-‘ and got cut off Also Whizzer piggybacked Jason, my heart

Tight Knit Family - as you’d expect I guess, Daniel’s voice was 👌 Also Marvin did ‘friend’ in airquotes and Whizzer did this mega eye roll lmao

Love is Blind - I guess there wasn’t much else different, just that they all stood in the photo frames when Trina sung about them which was a v nice touch ¯\_(ツ)_/

Thrill of First Love - Whizzer was,, a lot more argumentative than I expected I guess? Like, almost a bit aggressive? But overall it was great, they were so snarky and less sexual than the revival (which my asexual ass didn’t mind) apart from one reaaaach. They also had v good chemistry to say it wasn’t Oliver performing.

Marvin At The Psychiatrist - the staging was pretty similar to revival. Whizzer was watching from the top and he made all these offended faces when Marvin and Mendel were talking about him (when they said he was ‘smarmy’ he did this Offended Gay expression it was great). Then Trina started unbuttoning her shirt in Pt. 2 and Mendel got really flustered, it was wild. Everyone was dying from laughter. Also, ‘it’s queer Mr Marvin… sorry, it’s strange Mr Marvin’ deserves its own shoutout

My Father’s A Homo/Everyone Tells Jason to See A Psychiatrist - Elliot is a star, what more can I say. His voice is soo good as well. When Whizzer arrived Trina and him did this 😒 face at each other.

I’m Breaking Down - I thought no-one could come close to Stephanie’s iconic performance in the revival, but Laura rocked it. She was setting the table for Mendel coming, and it had this mega chaotic energy where she threw the bananas around and screamed ‘shIT’ when they fell onto the floor. For the ‘fulfill his needs’ bit she really aggressively ripped the top of the banana off and peeled it lmao. Also, she was drinking from the wine bottle for one of the choruses and humming, it was amazing.

Jason’s Therapy - Jason was definitely the most mature one in this scene haha. After Mendel did his first dance sequence, Jason just put a hand on his shoulder to stop him and sighed before he said the ‘is this therapy?’ bit. Marvin and Trina sat drinking at the side of the stage the whole time lmao. When it was the second ‘is this therapy?’ line, they both held up their glasses for the ‘yES!’. Also, for the final bit Marvin, Trina and Whizzer all came on singing into glasses and slapping their legs with plates lmao.

Marriage proposal - I saw a few people saying that this was a bit ~creepy~ rather than cute, and I guess I see what they mean? But they didn’t do the weird vampire wrist grab like the revival, so I guess that’s a plus. Trina was very confused the whole time, bless her, and for the ‘start to cry’ she was like ‘I’m not??’ and then Mendel starting blubbering. Plus, Jason sang the ‘biblical times?’ first one rather than Trina, and Marvin did this Super Sassy ‘bIbLiCaL tImEs’ that was hilarious.

Trina’s Song/March of the Falsettos - This was staged as a nightmare sequence, which brought some sense to the madness of MoTF. Like, when she woke up she continued with the song, it worked really well. I also really liked that they reenacted the wedding scene from 4 Jews as part of it, it really showed Trina’s fear that something bad would happen again.

The Chess Game - Wow, this was... intense. Whizzer was super snarky, so Marvin got mad at him pretty quickly. It was so funny though, especially when it was Whizzer saying the ‘move a pawn’ bit and he sat in his chair like Marvin and acted all stern. Marvin was drinking solidly, so when Whizzer ‘won’ and knocked over a ton of pieces he lobbed the board off stage and hit a few things. Whizzer backed off pretty quick looking scared and Marvin was apologetic until the ‘Whizzer’s supposed to make the dinner’ bit, when he got Whizzer’s suitcase and packed it for him on stage before throwing it at him. Also, the ‘this had better come to a stop’ was targeted at the liquor bottle.

Making a home – Mendel came on with only a house plant and it got kicked out of the house anyway lmao I relate. The dog bit Jason’s chessboard rip.

The Games I Play – this was performed so well my mum almost cried. It was much softer than any other version I’ve heard and more… spoken? But the notes at the end were belted and spot on, but he still had the slight tremor like he was tearing up. Your heart really went out for Whizzer, especially as the Motel projected on the screens on his side were mirrored by the homely ones on the other.

Marvin Hits Trina – Marvin didn’t tear up the invitation but he did hit a lot of stuff. Mendel also seemed a lot less angry at him when Marvin first came in then the revival – I guess Marvin was somewhat drunk in this. He also looked MAD at Whizzer whenever he sang his bits, apart from when Whizzer chokes up a bit when he says he doesn’t love him, and you see Marvin falter a bit then before he shouts at everyone. The lights went red when he hit Trina, which really added to the effect (although they were a bit late whoops)

I Never Wanted to Love You – Jason was crying and hugging Trina after Marvin hit her, and Mendel came and surrounded them in this big ~protective dad~ way. Marvin looked genuinely sorry as well, which was nice I guess.

Father to Son – The staging of this was really simple – they were just sat on the floor centre stage face-to-face. But it was so heartfelt, and Marvin looked like he was going to cry for most of it. And at first, Jason was a bit hesitant to hug him after what happened before, but you could see how relieved Marvin was when he did.

Falsettoland – Mendel pointed at the audience for the ‘homosexuals’ and ‘mother with children’ lmao. The tiny band was the wedding ring too. Whizzer was introduced back on with ‘homosexual’ and he did this offended ‘really’ gesture it was great. No Nancy Reagan punchbag unfortunately, but the lesbians came on holding signs saying Love Is Love <3. Marvin and Trina seemed a lot more friendly in this too, which was a nice touch!

Year of the Child – Mendel was Too Scared to really disrupt the arguments haha. Trina was fierce, Marvin suggested the caterers really sheepishly and she basically bit his head off it was hilarious. And when the lesbians arrived with the food, she literally said off-mic ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ to Marvin. At the end, Jason ran off because they were all too ~excited~ and the last part of the song was spent looking for him lmao.

Miracle of Judaism – ‘Jo… what’s the name of that bitch?’ im dead

Baseball Game – Jason had a pretty good swing before Whizzer even arrived to be honest. The lesbians fully got up and yelled at the umpire it was great. Mendel got up to sing his bit, and Marvin and Trina just sort of led him to sit back down and apologised offstage. Whizzer kept teasing Marvin back about the hairline comments, and Marvin just mournfully rubbed his head like ‘I know.’ It was hilarious.

A Day in Falsettoland – Charlotte and Cordelia were the patients and they were both amazing. Mendel wasn’t even sorry about the name. Charlotte literally spat the food back onto Cordelia’s plate, she didn’t even hide it lmao. ‘Maybe in a mile I’ll be okay.’ ‘a mILE?’ Same Mendel. Also, Trina runs with weights? Raquetball worked really well to say there was such little space on stage. It was nice to see the softer side to Marvin and Whizzer’s relationship, the occasional kisses throughout the game.

Everyone Hates His Parents – it was pretty similar to the revival, except Mendel and Jason both did a mega cartwheel?! I was shocked, it was perfect. Also, Trina cried ‘you’re killing me!’ to Jason after he said he didn’t want the bar mitzvah, which made the ‘kill you mother’ verse a bit more understandable lmao. Also, Trina kept giving Marvin these ‘seriously?’ looks during that whole song.

What More Can I Say - this was so sweet, so Domestic. Marvin was like this happy puppy. Whizzer basically fell asleep reading, and Marvin was taking his glasses off and putting the book aside, it was v sweet

Something Bad is Happening - lovely singing from the lesbians, extra runs! They were So Good together. When Whizzer collapsed (it was a proper keel over too), Marvin lifted his head and shoulders into lap and sang it straight to him. It was v sweet and sad, Whizzer was crying and apologising to him :’(

Holding to the Ground - this is such a beautiful song, and Laura sounded incredible. They were setting up the set behind her, but there were sirens and a heart monitor came on when they helped Whizzer into the hospital bed.

Days like this - Marvin brought this awful cheesy card, and Whizzer just held it up to the audience like ‘what’. But he kept reading the on Trina and Mendel brought and showing it to Marvin. The Whizzer/Trina solidarity was v sweet, he kissed her cheek and things when they arrived.

Cancelling the Bar Mitzvah - Jason started properly crying into Trina who cried as well. It was so raw and emotional, you really felt their fear for what is happening. My only qualm was that they cut part out?? It’s one of my favourite lines, when Mendel sings the ‘becoming a man’ bit :s

Four Unlikely Lovers - now this was heartbreaking. Marvin went and cried at the end of the hospital bed at the beginning, and he sobbed at Whizzer’s ‘our bed’. They were really sweet though, always kissing foreheads or holding hands and things - I don’t think they let go all song. Cordelia and Charlotte also came in holding hands <3

Side note! Whizzer seemed in a lot more pain in this!! Which made me really sad

Something Bad (reprise) - Jason was watching Charlotte sing it instead of Marvin, I guess it was almost like her preparing him for what was going to happen to his Dad too?!

You Gotta Die Sometime - this was sooo well sung, it was pretty soft and then he started breaking down at end instead of belting the note :’’( Until Jason came in and he was like ‘um where’s your parents??’

Jason’s Bar Mitzvah - it had such a nice tight-knit ( ;) ) feeling to it which was really bittersweet. Mendel came in hiding balloons v unsuccessfully behind his back. The took the photo again, which was great (although not bitter they didn’t use the camera effect in that for the line in Everyone Tells Jason to See A Psychiatrist or anything). When Jason sung the prayer, he waved away the book and stood on table v proud. Then Jason sort of beckoned Whizzer over, which made him collapse onto the floor and Jason was taken off screaming for him. It was heartbreaking.

What Would I Do - the one that finally broke me. It was so so sad, Whizzer was still alive collapsed in bed so they sung it to each other and held held hands until he flatlined at end. On stage. My God.

At the end, the rest of the family all crowded around the bed and surrounded Marvin (who was properly sobbing). Mendel blew the candle that had been lit for the Bar Mitzvah out, and the photo they took came up on screen.

So, conclusion, see this show NOW before it ends its ridiculously short run. Honestly. You won’t regret a penny.

#will probably delete later #please excuse the cringy writing of this and the probable bad grammar #it's very late and i'm very very tires #*tired #*sigh*#falsettos #falsettos uk #west end #musical #musicals

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slash-me-up · 5 years

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Snakes and Shakes

Situation: Pre fame Guns and Roses gets all sick at the same time right before their first gig as a band and you end up having to care for five men/puppies all by yourself.

I messed around with the timeline and the living situation a little bit, so forgive me and enjoy!

As you woke up in the morning, you noticed how the house seemed oddly quiet. Normally, at least one of your five roommates would be doing some sort of loud activity at ungodly hours that would wake you, the neighbors and the whole street up. You decided to appreciate the good night’s sleep and took it as a good omen, getting dressed with the leather jacket you stole from Izzy, straightening your long (H/C) hair and even having the time to perfect your eyeliner, before making it downstairs.

You quickly realized when you were in the downstairs common area that the good omen was actually a distress signal as Axl threw up right in front of you onto the floor as he laid on the couch seemingly oblivious to your presence. “Axl !” You exclaimed loudly making the redhead fall of shock right onto the dirty vomit-covered floor. He managed to drag himself onto an area of the floor that was mostly clean and lean himself against the wall. “Jesus, Y/N, you fucking scared me."

He looked like shit, vomit on his face, his pale skin even paler and with a green undertone

“Axl, what the hell did you drink last night to make you throw up like this? Don’t lie to me, you have a gig today.” You were more like a babysitter than a actual roommate, and never did you feel this more than when Axl said, “I didn’t drink anything, I promise Y/N. Slash’s snake bit me last night and I got some weird tropical disease.”

“You know, Slash’s snakes are just ball pythons, Axl. They aren’t venomous, they just strangle their food.” You rationally explained to Axl how snakes work, a conversation you and Slash had had to have 15 times since they had all moved in together.

“But, Y/N, Slash filled a cup up with Jack Daniels and told me it was Coca Cola so I drank it all and it burned for 2 hours, so I don’t trust him. I know his snakes made me sick and there’s nothing you can do, just let me die!” Axl, being as dramatic as ever, cried a little as you had a mini breakdown in your mind about how you were going to convince this grown man to calm down about a snake. You grabbed one of Duff’s shirts from the couch and wiped the vomit and tears from Axl’s face, before grabbing his hand and pulling him up to take him to his room.

As you and Axl walked slowly to his room, with your arm around his shoulder, you heard vomiting noises coming from Slash’s and Duff’s room. “Axl, go lay down in Steven’s room, it’s closer than yours. I’ll be back to check on you in a minute.” He dazedly nodded and opened Steven’s door as you knocked on Slash’s door.

“Slash, Duff, everything alright in there?” You heard both Slash and Duff grunt as if they were on their deathbed and you decided to open the door. The sight you saw there immediately made you wish you hadn’t.

On top of the boys usual mess of clothes, food wrappers and empty alcohol bottles say two separate but equally gross piles of vomit. You backed against Duff’s mattress, the furthest point away from the sick liquid, and sat down on the side. The pale green blonde figure lying on the mattress weakly moaned, “Y/N, I need some vodka, this is a killer hangover.”

You chuckled, feeling Duff’s forehead. It was like a fire and your eyes widened. If the entire band got this sickness, there was no way they’d play the concert tonight. The concert would finally give them enough money to actually pay 50% of the rent instead of the usual 10% that they had managed not to spend on every sin in the world. You moved over to Slash’s side and brushed his hair away from his face.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Slash sleepily asked.

“Just checking up on you, honey.” He laughed a little at the affectionate nickname which you most often used to tease them but now was completely serious. If this was worse than a simple flu, then you’d have to sell a kidney to get these men to a hospital with no insurance. And Slash, like Duff, was burning up. Great.

You assured Slash everything would be okay before going to check on Steven. Opening the door you saw Steven and Axl laying on one mattress, and green. You decided to get everyone glasses of water from the kitchen and hopefully whatever safe meds lay around.

As you went over to the kitchen, you saw Slash’s python, Clyde. It too was laying down, eyes half closed like its owner. You touched it and it stayed still, the only sign of life being its tongue moving out of its mouth. You couldn’t help but think if Axl was right, but you decided to question them all later. You grabbed the glasses of water and 4 Advil and returned to the rooms.

They laid around the house for the next two days. You quickly found out that Izzy was the only one that wasn’t sick and kind of forcefully recruited him into being your assistant. Together, you restrained Steven from going out to a party, Axl from beating up Slash when he remarked that Axl and his snakes could be twins if Axl had a sunnier disposition, and Duff from playing his bass at the concert by himself with no other members.

Speaking of the concert, you never forgot the asshole club owner who yelled at you for canceling it and told you that you should pay him back by being one of his dancers. You’d worked at strip clubs before, that was where you had met the boys, but the sleazy way in which he said it made you and Izzy wanna beat him up over the phone. And then once Izzy met him in person, well he got beat up in real life as well and gave the boys the 500 dollars for the concert as promised.

The guys were eventually all back to their old selves within the next day or so, and you decided to investigate the cause of the illness, thinking it would be something like Duff forgetting to cook the meals and eating raw meat, a thing he had done when Axl had asked for his burger to be extra rare. When you asked Duff about dinner, he said nothing was wrong except one thing.

“Well, Slash’s snake kinda slithered around in the leftover lasagna after I took it out of the freezer and I let him have some of the meat, but Y/N it was in there for only like a min.”

Goddamnit Axl was right. Not about everything, which brought you some sanity, but the disease did come from one of Slash’s snakes.

That 500 dollars first went to buying Clyde a new escapeproof cage and getting a library card to look up the exact disease with Slash. He found it rather quickly around with 10 other books which you carried all the way home. You smiled for the next seven days as he told Axl all the snake trivia he could remember as Axl got more and more angry.

“Y/N, I’m gonna punch Slash this time, I mean it-“

“Did you know that a snake’s heart can move around in it’s body to make room for food, Axl?”

“Really? Like down to its tail? That’s fucking messed up, Slash.”

You also smiled because with the 500 dollars they paid the rent and also made posters for their next concert and their first as a whole band. You helped them tape posters to every street pole and wall they came across as well as all over the club where they were performing, which had a nice owner who gave them 200 in advance as well as 500 after.

And you smiled the biggest as you looked at your boys from the crowd. They were killing it and the audience was dancing and holding up their lighters at the right moments. As they launched into their new song, “Welcome to the Jungle,” you heard a girl say, “These guys are so fucking good, I think they’re gonna be stars.”

And at that moment, you thought they would be stars too, as the bright light shone on them like angels and Axl’s voice drowned the rowdy audience out to nothing but silence.

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planetsxend · 4 years

Text

“Moist”

@sweettifalockhart issued the writing challenge: moist. I posted a snippet so I’d stay on track, and hell did I stay on track. Probably OOC in places, but that hasn’t stopped me writing before :P Reno/Tifa below the cut, set very loosely in the tie between OG/Remake & AC

1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks, 3 days after The Plate

“- and then she threw me out the bar! Literally threw me. How is that even possible?”

“... It’s Tifa,” Rude says, as if that explains everything from gravity’s pull to the magic show of pigs suddenly sprouting wings and taking to the sky (although that wouldn’t be magic so much as fucking freaky who has the alien head this time?). “Would’ve paid for a video,” his partner’s quiet addition, the bare bones of a smirk flirting with his mouth and Reno well - he can’t let that one go unchallenged. The bastard doesn’t even startle when the elastic band pings off his shades. Hmmph.

He grumbles some more, under his breath, and he’s well-versed in the feeling of eyes on him, knows Rude’s picked up on the fact he’s legitimately out of sorts with this recent development. Knows that behind those shades, Rude’s staring at him, measuring the weight of each word on his tongue before lending voice to it.

“Either start talking or start writing. This paperwork isn’t going to finish itself.”

“There’re memories in that bar,” Reno replies, the last he’ll say on the matter simply because it covers the entirety of his discomfiture.

~ ~ ~

7 months, 3 days after The Plate

It’s the first he’s properly laid eyes on her since... since The Plate and he slinks in like a cat on the scavenge, well aware there’s a dispute in his very near future the further in he goes, vividly aware he’s out of his depth. He’s still got a sharp smart in his ribs to prove just how hard she punches on a bad day. But here, now, on her turf? Where every territorial instinct she has will be on red alert the second she clocks him? Where every protective instinct will kick into high gear the second she recognises a threat? He’s gonna wind up with his face smashed in and a couple teeth knocked loose and he’ll probably roll over and thank her for it after.

Better than the guilt gnawing him open from the inside out, right?

Sure enough, he’s not even singled out the quietest corner when she spots him, and because he keeps bouncing between where to sit and where’s the danger, he sees it. The smile for her patrons vanishes so fast he might as well have smacked it off her, face settling into an expression carved from stone. Empty. Blank. Carefully so, but she can’t do shit about her eyes. They burn, even as her spine snaps straight and her chin lifts just so.

A challenge he doesn’t meet. A challenge he can’t back down from, either. His own issued when he approaches her directly, well and truly in the lion’s den.

“What do you want?” She spits, and if words were acid he’d be stripped to the bone in seconds. A lesser man would flinch, and a smarter man would leave, but neither man is him and so he slaps on a smirk and replies cool as Shiva’s kiss - he’d like a drink, if you please. He sure as shit doesn’t imagine the creak of leather around her fists, but she’s a gracious host, and everyone’s welcome in Seventh Heaven, she can’t go around denying customers willy nilly without consequences.

He’s actually surprised when he survives that first drink, never mind the entire goddamn night.

7 months, 2 weeks, 5 days after The Plate

It’s almost a game between them a few weeks later, this animosity. Every night he intrudes on her space and every night she’ll hiss at him like she’s ready to claw his face off. Sometimes he’ll get blackout drunk and someone has the decency to phone Rude to cart his ass back home, sometimes he doesn’t and he’ll nurse one drink the entire night, every second under the same roof as her an agony. When will she do it, he wonders. When will she snap? When will that practised calm give out in favour of confronting him? Just what the fuck is it gonna take?

He’s not drunk tonight, just on the wrong side of tipsy, weaving one way on his stool then jerking centre and weaving the other. Loose-lipped, too, if anyone thought to talk to him, but the suit keeps most folk at a respectable distance. She comes at him when most of the regulars clear out and over the blast of the jukebox he thinks fuckin’ finally.

‘Cept she slams a glass of water down in front of him, sloshes some of it over his hand for good measure. And while he swears and trips over his own tongue and waves his hand around and wipes it down with the stupid fuckin’ square Tseng always insists on cramming into his breast pocket, she parks her ass down opposite him, and jams both elbows down on the table. There’s no warning creak this time, because her hands are bare of their usual gloves, and the fire in her eyes isn’t quite so bright tonight.

The hell?

“Why do you keep coming here, Reno?” She asks, and if anything should catch him off guard maybe it should be that she remembers his name. Instead, it’s her tone, the tired quality to it curling ‘round the words and robbing them of the caustic bite she usually keeps in reserve all for him. Like she’s as weary to the bone as he is. Like she’s beaten down and wrung out and barely hanging on by the tips of her fingers.

Like maybe - just maybe - she’s in the same boat as him.

You got snarlin’ little beasties crawling around in your head, too?

But he doesn’t ask that, it’s early days yet, right? She’s more liable to smash the glass on his head and jab him in the eye with one of the resulting pointy bits, right? So he looks at her instead, fighter-turned-bartender, damaged soul under all that easy charm, and lets his own trademark smirk fall just a little. Just enough to clue her in on his little secret - I know the taste of regret, and it sure is bitter.

“To drink. To forget.”

~ ~ ~

It doesn’t make things right between them, not by a long shot. But the water’s her white flag, and his truth an apology. It’s a step in some direction, maybe not the right one.

9 months, 1 week after The Plate

She asks him about it eventually, just like he knew she would. She’s a blunt woman, Tifa, when it comes down to the nitty gritty details. Her patience has its limits and beating around the bush as they are, tolerating one another as they are... something has to give somewhere. So she asks him. About it. About The Plate.

Such a simple question, really. Do you regret it?

Does he have an answer for it? Oh sure, he has an answer alright. Yes. Yes he regrets it, every damn time he thinks about it his stomach curdles and his skin goes clammy. So many questions circling his head ‘til he’s dizzy: was it necessary? Was it worth it? How many died? How many people suffered - trapped under crushing weight, their last moments ones of terror and darkness and indescribable pain? How many begged for help on their last breath? How many stretched out broken hands in the hope someone beyond the rubble would grab on and help them free? How many people ripped apart? How many families struck from the census records in one fell swoop? What were their names? Their ages? How many kids died that night?

“Yeah,” he says instead, voice wavering under all that strain locked up inside his skull, queasy and not from the food he’d ordered (still not poisoned, she’s out of her goddamn mind). He doesn’t know what he looks like in that moment - can’t stand to look in mirrors much these days except to scrape the scruff off his chops in the morning - but she does. Tifa looks at him then and sees whatever he can’t smother, standard Turk mask of indifference be damned, and a switch flips between them. Animosity to understanding.

There should be surprise when she closes the bar early, promising discounts for the inconvenience, when she sets a bottle of hard liquor by his plate... and two glasses. Instead he musters up the ghost of a smile and leans back - almost makes an ass of himself toppling right over, but hey, the reflexes have saved him from worse (like Strife’s sword) - daring to drag his eyes from her face to her waist and back up again. “Come to confess to the big bad wolf, doll?”

“Eat a dick, Turk,” she snaps back and twists the cap open, sealing their fate.

~ ~ ~

“We, I, killed people, too... when we... blew up the Reactors. Maybe not... maybe not every life lost was immediate but... the riots, the robberies, the people dying at home because their heating went out and never came back on again. I don’t know how many deaths can be traced back to my hands.”

“That’s not the same as-”

“Does the how really matter, Reno? People died. By our actions. By our choices. That is the burden we bear.”

~ ~ ~

He comes awake the following morning to the unforgiving thump of a combat boot in the ribs, and bright sunlight stabbing a thousand daggers into his eyeballs, and a behemoth using his head as a chew toy. It’s Strife above him, hands on the table he’s shoved aside to get to him, baby blues gone dark and thunderous and hell if that ain’t a safe wake-up call. From his left somewhere a pitiful moan as Tifa rouses, and Murder Face turns his attention elsewhere, moves in her direction, giving Reno just enough space to try and get his legs under him. Where are his legs again? His - where the fuck’s his shoe?

“What did you do this time?” Rude asks the second the call connects as he trips his way out the bar, and all Reno can manage without upsetting his entire lack of balance is a raspy laugh and cradling his head in his free hand.

“Made a mess, prob’ly.”

11 months, 1 week, 4 days after The Plate

“Are you asking me out?” Really, she doesn’t need to look so suspicious. What’s he gonna do, chuck her in a chopper and fly her across the continent? Avalanche’d kill him deader than dead in two seconds flat. Still, she’s not exactly wrong, which. Yeah, okay, this isn’t one of his better ideas by far but. Hm.

“No? Figured it’d be a better bonding experience if we had a chat while stone cold sober, is all. You like coffee?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Tseng.”

Call him crazy, but her laugh sounds less hollow than he’s ever heard it.

~ ~ ~

Marlene nails him in the back of the hand with a fork and Denzel gets melon juice all down his shirt. Accidental his ass.

At least Strife is upfront with his threats of bodily harm if he breaks Tifa’s heart.

1 year, 2 months, 3 weeks after The Plate

The next time they wind up under what he’s dubbed their table, alcohol has absolutely nothing to do with it... Well. Except for the sticky residue he can taste on her fingers.

He has enough common sense to make sure they drag their asses upstairs and to her bedroom before dawn. Enhanced senses must suck balls, though, because when Strife drops by the following afternoon he doesn’t even bat an eye at Reno’s perch at the bar (munching away at the remnants of a fruit salad the brats didn’t take to school), but he does when he gets closer and breathes. His nose scrunches up as he sniffs in Reno’s direction like a dog - or that snarling wolf emblem he’s so fond of slapping on anything he can get his hands on - and darts those baby blues between his shit-eating grin and Tifa raised brow. Try me, that look says, complete with the casual gathering of her hair into a high ponytail, the flex of her fingers after it. Do they smell of each other, then? How cute.

“... I don’t even wanna know,” Strife eventually says, and Reno laughs.

1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks, 3 days after The Plate

The punch she lands smack on his left pectoral is a love tap compared to what she’s capable of, and instead of the fire he’s half-expecting there’s... mischief in her gaze.

“Tifa -”

“Never say that word in my bar again, Reno, or I’ll ban you permanently.”

“Yes Ma’am, lesson learned.”

“I might even ban Rufus, too. Make sure the lesson really sticks.”

“Aw naw, c’mon! That’s hitting below the belt!”

“Please. We both know you’d be sobbing on the floor if I did that.”

He pouts (she does have a point). Tifa laughs. It’s fast becoming his most favourite sound in the world.

#sweettifalockhart #stories for your ears only writing #can this even be called a drabble? What word count qualifies as that iahufhesuhffhrhg

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lesbianfreyja · 5 years

Note

hey........what was macdens real actual first kiss like......who kissed whom.........when did it happen

“Dude — I’m — Shut up!” Mac saidit hushed, quiet, around a giggle and right before he elbowed Dennis hard in thesternum. Dennis fell back a step, clutching at his chest and trying to gasp foranother breath, even as he laughed. “Be quiet, I’m being serious. My parentsare asleep.”

Dennis snickered. “Then hurryup, asshole.”

Mac struggled to wedge his pocketknife underneath his bedroom window again. Normally they would have just gonein through the front door, but Mac’s mom had been asleep on the couch when theypeeked through the living room window, and neither one of them wanted to stumbledirectly into her wrath if Poppins started barking when he saw them and it wokeher up. His parents hardly cared about breaking curfew, but they sure did careabout losing sleep.

Mac finally popped the lock andpushed the window up, and Dennis squeezed Mac’s sides to encourage him to hurryand hoist himself through. He managed it — fingers clumsy, legs flailing, henever was very careful when he was drunk — and reached a hand down to pull Dennisup too. Dennis grasped his wrist, feet slipping against the side of the houseand his free hand balanced on the window sill. Together they got him pulled upand through, and Dennis collapsed down the other side, throwing both him andMac into a heap on the floor.

For a moment, they just laidthere with their faces inches apart, breathing heavy from the climb inside. Mac’seyes tracked slowly across his face. Dennis’s breath caught. Then all at onceMac shoved him off to the side, and Dennis rolled off him and up to his feet,dusting off his jeans. Mac pressed the window shut again and locked it.

“I think I have some whiskey inhere somewhere,” Mac announced, and he started to dig through his room.

Normally Dennis would have justhad Mac stay over his place since they started the night there, but he couldn’tstand being there for another minute. His parents had thrown a huge party — somerich fucker event, black tie, with Dennis and Dee both forced to stand frontand center to be shown off like prize-winning fish even though their parents didn’treally think that about either of them. Just to make the night more bearable,and a little bit for the revenge, the twins had invited over Mac and Charlieand the four of them got wasted on champagne in front of all the guests;after all, they’d been instructed to mingle. Mac spent all night leaning onDennis’s side, although Dennis didn’t think that was entirely from the booze. EventuallyCharlie crashed on the couch in the middle of everyone while Mac and Dennissnuck out the back.

“I’m stealing something tosleep in,” Dennis declared, and began rifling through Mac’s drawer. Even thoughDennis had been forced into something “appropriate” for the occasion, Mac hadjust shown up in something scruffy like usual. Dennis privately envied him.

He stripped out of his darkjeans and button-up, yanking on a pair of wash-worn track pants (not that Mac wentrunning, ever. The only reason hewasn’t failing gym was because he was a try-hard during basket- and kickball.)and a band t-shirt he found buried in the bottom of the drawer. He turned totoss his clothes across the back of Mac’s desk chair and caught Mac staring.

Dennis flushed a little. “What?”

Mac turned red, too.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. He glanceddown at his hand like he was surprised to find a bottle there, and held it up forDennis to inspect. “Found the whiskey.”

“Gimme.”

Mac kicked off his shoes and theyhuddled together on his bed. Mac had a shitty little TV hooked up in his room,a hand-me-down from Dennis and Dee last Christmas after their parents hadgotten themselves a flatscreen, and Mac flipped through until he found an oldcartoon to watch while they passed the whiskey bottle back and forth.

“I wish you had VHS,” Dennis said,tipping more liquor back.

Mac turned toward him.

“I have some Atarigames,” he said.

Dennis gesturedoutward for him to go on. Mac climbed off the bed to dig a really, really oldgame system out from underneath his bed and Dennis lounged back on his handswhile Mac fussed around with the wires. His head was foggy from drinking, andhis eyes drooped as he watched Mac work. He was good with his hands, Dennis thoughtdimly. He knew what he was doing. At the very least, he’d done this a lot.

“I wanna be playerone,” Dennis called.

Mac threw him aglare over his shoulder.

“No fuckingway,” he said, looking mortally offended at the thought. “I’m always playerone, asshole, don’t even fucking try it—”

Mac finishedsetting up the game and handed him a controller. Their fingers brushed while Dennisgot a grip on it. Mac clamored back onto the bed, tongue between his teeth ashe plowed through the opening screens to get to the main menu, skipping right pastall the good story setup and apparently not giving a single shit that Denniswould have no idea what was going on. Dennis’s eyes traced the side of Mac’sface in the dark while he got everything set up and cursed at the TV for makinghim sit through cutscenes. He had the whiskey bottle settled between hiscrossed legs and he kept taking drinks from it without offering any more toDennis.

Mac kicked his ass at fourrounds, at five. It was clear that he never really did anything except playvideo games, unless he was with Charlie or Dennis (in which case he was probablyjust playing some different video games with them).

Dennis slugged him in the armand threw his controller down with a groan, falling onto his back. He squeezedhis eyes shut, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“I fucking hate you,” Dennissnapped. “I’m not playing this anymore.”

Mac poked him in the ribs.Dennis swatted his hand away and glared up at where Mac had twisted around tofrown down at him, teasing.

“You’re just sore because you suck,”said Mac, jabbing him in the side some more until Dennis grabbed his wrist andtwisted it so hard that he cried out. Mac yanked his hand back, cursing. “Comeon, Den, one more round. Just one.”

“No,” said Dennis, closing hiseyes again. He shoved the controller until it fell off the bed, not giving a singleshit if it broke. Mac’s rug wasn’t very thick over the hardwood. “Let’s dosomething else. Let’s play something that isn’t total shit.”

He crossed his arms over hischest, frowning stubbornly. He heard Mac sigh and rustle around for a second,and the bed dipped beside him again, and then nothing. Dennis cracked one eyeopen, lips parting to ask what the hell was going on, but he saw Mac sittingtwisted beside him and the question died in his throat.

Mac was just looking at him. Hewas cross-legged on the bed again, hands clasped between his thighs and justwatching Dennis pout. His eyes looked very big and searching, although it couldhave just been a trick in the dark. There was no light but the TV reflection anda sliver of the moon slanting in — he could have been mistaken.

Dennis’s face went blank, thenhe scowled again. He pushed himself up until he was sitting beside Mac, faceslevel again, and tucked an ankle beneath his other leg. He didn’t take his eyesoff Mac and Mac’s cheeks began to grow rosy.

Dennis was going to ask him what. Dennis kept watching Mac’s expressionfor a flicker of something — vulnerability, shame, reverence, a yawn — but Macdid nothing but watch him and the question flickered and died several moretimes in Dennis’s throat until it grew dry. Dennis stopped trying to sayanything and felt his cheeks heat, too.

Mac lurched forward and pushedhis mouth against Dennis’s. It was clumsy, all of it — clumsy and drunk, like everythingelse. His mouth was only halfway on Dennis’s and his hand landed hard to theside of Dennis’s thigh, and his eyes only shut at the very last second. Dennis’sdidn’t close at all until his brain kickstarted a couple moments later. Mac’smouth was warm and not budging on his. Dennis sighed and cupped his handagainst Mac’s cheek and ducked to catch his mouth again, this time fixing theangle until their lips were pressed together just right.

Mac tasted like whiskey and hisparents’ food spread and Mac. He was soft and warm beneath Dennis’s palm,beneath his thumb stroking across his cheek, and when Dennis pulled back a hairsbreadthor so, Mac breathed out softly and leaned closer to kiss him again.

Dennis laid his other hand onMac’s shoulder, rucking up his shirt a little. He bit down gently on Mac’slower lip, and Mac released a helpless sound that didn’t seem like it was justfrom kissing. Smiling slightly, Dennis clutched him tighter and pushed inharder, more insistently, until Mac took the hand he wasn’t using for balance andtentatively, hesitantly, rested it on Dennis’s knee. Blood rushed, hot andheady, all through Dennis’s body, and he suddenly felt as warm and loose-limbedas if he’d chugged the entire bottle of whiskey all for himself.

Dennis breathed out, fingersfalling to clutch loosely at the front of Mac’s t-shirt. He wound his other armaround Mac’s neck, just sort of letting it fall over his shoulder as he pulledMac closer to him. After a second he felt Mac’s tongue flicker out and probe,just lightly, against his mouth. Dennis sighed. He let Mac lick into his mouthand grasped him closer, impossibly closer. Mac’s hand squeezed around his kneeas he tasted — whatever he must have tasted on Dennis’s tongue, probably the samecombination of whiskey and champagne and food spread.

Whatever it was he seemed tolike it, because when Mac pulled back all he did was tilt his head and pushback in to kiss him again. And again. And again.

Dennis’s grip on him relaxed,the hand clutching the back of his t-shirt running down to rest on the side ofMac’s neck. Conversely, Mac’s hand tightened on his leg, creeping up an inch orso to squeeze his thigh. Dennis could feel it when Mac’s pulse jumped, and hegrinned for a split second before he leaned back in and kissed him once. Kissedhim twice.

Dennis leaned back. Mac’s head droppedlike Dennis had been the only thing holding him up; his fingers twisted in thethigh of his stolen track pants, and he didn’t leave Dennis’s space as he caughthis breath. Dennis watched him; his head hung down, his cheeks were bright redand his eyes closed as he slowly steadied.

Finally — eventually — too soon,Mac pulled his hands back and sat up. The blush still sat high on his face whenhe opened his eyes and caught Dennis’s gaze.

Neither said anything for along minute. They just breathed and watched each other and breathed, as thecolor died down from both their faces, until Mac’s mouth wasn’t looking quiteso red and shiny-wet.

Mac cleared his throat. When helicked his lips, Dennis felt hypnotically drawn to the motion. His mouth, ifanything, felt even drier than before.

“I wanna — watch more TV,” saidMac. Clumsy.

Without waiting for an answerhe scrambled up and found the remote, messing with the channels until he switchedoff the shitty video game and got back to the same cartoons as before. An oldepisode of Animaniacs: Why not, Dennis thought dizzily. Why the absolute fucknot.

Mac settled back in beside Dennison the bed, not looking at him, but Dennis couldn’t help being hyper-aware ofwhere they sat. Their bodies were so close, side by side, watching TV insilence. When Mac grabbed the liquor off his dresser, he didn’t take his eyesoff the episode even as he tipped it back and then handed Dennis the bottle.

They kept drinking, slowlyfinishing off the bottle, as episode after episode played in front of them. Neitherone of them said anything.

In the morning, he knew, thingswould go back to normal. They wouldn’t mention it. They’d go find Charlie andDee and kill the rest of the weekend with them until they had to go back toschool on Monday, and life would go on.

For now, they sat together whilethe night ticked endlessly on. Despite the late hour, neither one of themsuggested they go to bed, or do anything else to break this never-ending threadof the moment. Mac’s taste still in his mouth. Their arms brushing, side byside, alone in his room.

Dennis turned the kiss over andover and over in his head. Privately relishing the time he had with it until hewould have to tuck it away forever in the morning.

#the ending of this...meh #but it's like. yknow. the only way it goes but i just mean i described it like shit dnklshlj #also #i've been FROTHING to write kissing is that supremely obvious or what #lkfdhsjlkjlkhjk #macfoundhispride #ask #iasip fic #fic #fic stuff #iasip #mac x dennis #drabble tag

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bbyskrs-blog · 5 years

Text

Heartburn Chapter 1 (A Billy Hargrove Fanfiction)

( CHAPTER 1 P R E T T Y G I R L)

Alex pushed down on the pedal of the red bike, the dark grey tires rolled against the smooth road of the empty sideroad as she pedaled down towards the edge of town. Her hair flew so elegantly in the wind, her light pink skirt and knee high socks, accompanied by a pair of black Chuck Taylor's looked like something out of a shitty cliche movie where the girl pedals down the street while the crushing boy watches from a distance wishing she was his.

No cars passed her as she continued on her journey to the neighbourhood convenience. Alex thought the small town of Hawkins was boring and in need of change. She was tired of seeing the same buildings, walls and people. So when she passed the old Partridge house with a sold sign out front, accompanied by a moving van, she was intrigued.

She slowed down as she pedalled past the house, her eyes locked on the back of a teenage boy coming out of the house. He had blond hair and blue eyes, and was shirtless and sweaty.

The blond boy wiped his face with a rag before shoving it in his back pocket, his eyes connecting to an unfamiliar pair across the road.

His thick brows furrowed when he saw the brunette pedalling by the house with her eyes on him before she continued her way down the street.

He walked to the moving van and watched as the girl in the short skirt pedalled down the street and out of view.

The bell rings as she opens the glass door and steps inside of the small store. Cold drinks are stored in the back while chips and sweets are placed on the shelves in the center while adults and children search for their favourite.

She placed her change on the cold counter, nodding to the back where the cigarettes are stored. The cashier handed Alex her a pack of cigarettes and she nodded in thanks before exiting.

She removed the cigarette from its pack and placed it in her mouth before leaning against the wall beside her bike. She ran her hand through her hair with a sigh with the cigarette hanging from her glossy lips.

She reached into her backpack and pulled out her Walkman, placing the headphones on her head and leaning back against the wall. She pressed play and took another drag of her cigarette. She sang the words of the song softly as she finished the remains of her smoke before throwing it on the ground and squishing it with her sneakers.

She placed the Walkman in the band of her skirt before getting on her bike. She was about to pedal away before a familiar face caught her eye. Little Dustin Henderson.

"Henderson!" Alex called out with a small laugh, her eyes glistening.

He looked startled for a moment before his eyes connected with hers. He rode towards the girl with a smile on his face and came to a stop beside the older teen and laughed.

"You scared the living shit out of me dude!" He admitted, causing the teen to laugh.

"You looked like you were in your own little world. Where are you heading?" She asked curiously.

"Just to Mikes place. Lucas and Will are coming too... its Monday! Dungeons and Dragons night." He said excitedly.

"Dungeons and Dragons?" She questioned.

"Yeah its a fantasy role-playing game based in medical times and we play every Monday night!" He exclaimed, making Alex giggle.

"Oh alright, have fun kid." She stopped before pulling her backpack around and onto her lap, and taking a few coins out, "Here go buy some snacks for you guys, I bet Ms. Wheeler will give you some snacks, but I mean it's probably a bunch of healthy shit." She placed the coins in his hand and stuck her tongue out, "Go crazy." She laughed.

"Oh shit! Thanks Alex, I mean you really don't have to- we get some pepperoni pizza and coke. Although she insists we eat our carrots and celery-" Dustin said frantically with a small pink tint on his cheeks starting to form. Alex was quick to cut the younger boy off, "Just take the money... and don't worry about it, broccoli or not. My treat..."

"Thanks." Dustin thanked her and held his fist up, laughing when she rolled her eyes before connecting her fish with his.

"I'll see you later." She smiled before adjusting her backpack and pedalling away, "Say 'hi' to the boys for me!" She yelled before she was out of view.

It was almost 4:30 when Alex reached the Marshall household. She rode down the driveway and passed her father's police car in the driveway, unsure why her father was home at this hour.

Alex opened the door and placed her backpack on the ground before shutting the door and slipping out of her Chuck Taylor's.

Her skirt swayed back and forth as she walked upstairs to her father's room.

She heard a muffled "come in" after the soft knock was placed against the wooden door.

"Hey, dad." She greeted her father with a soft smile as she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Hey honey, how was school?" Her father whom had been going through paperwork looked up from his desk.

"It was good, we had a biology test today... I think I did pretty good..." She trailed off, shrugging slightly before she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why are you home so early?"

"What? You don't want your old man around? Some boy sneaking in and out of here I don't know about?" He joked and raised his brows at his daughter who rolled her eyes.

"Absolutely not." She shook her head and assured him that there is no secret boy. "But really... Why are you home? What's up?"0

"A new officer has been recruited this morning, had to show him the works, all around town and all. Then Hopper said I can take the day off." He explained as he began to sort through the numerous papers in front of him. "But taking the day off is not my forte." He admitted and his daughter laughed and approached his desk, picking up a piece of paper.

"So what's all this then? Trying to find the kid who keyed your car?" Alex chuckled and her father rolled his eyes in response, taking the paper from her hands.

"Not funny." He muttered.

"Kinda funny. You looked like you were going to shit bricks." She mocked, laughing at the glare from her father.

"It's about the missing peoples case. The children..." He sighed softly and pulled out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket, "Quite the tragedy..." Alex nodded in agreement.

"How many?" Alex questioned.

"Three... and there are absolutely no evidence, traces, or anything that proves of an abduction. It's like they ran away..." He spoke with his cigarette hanging from his lips.

"Like they disappeared." Alex whispered with glistening eyes. Her father nodded in response before telling her to go downstairs and finish her school work.

She turned around and opened the door before stopping in the doorframe. "Wait. A new cop? moved into the house on Patterson street? The old Partridge house... There was a moving van in the driveway earlier." Alex leaned against the doorframe and continued, "nothing ever happens here... why would they move here? The last person that moved her was the Parkins family. And they got the hell out of here as soon as they got the chance."

"I'm not sure, he just showed up today with the papers and convinced the chief to give him a place on the force. Not that we needed anymore officers, but the man seemed desperate. Came all the way from California." He stated with a shrug and put his cigarette out on the ashtray, "but it's not our business on why the family decided to come here..." He spoke before looking up at his curious daughter.

"Why are you so interested?" He leaned forward and raised his eyes waiting for a response.

"Like I said, nothing ever happens in Hawkins. Nothing ever changes. It's just a little strange, and intriguing... plus I think he has a son." She admitted with a laugh, eyes widening when she let out an ugly snort.

"Alright, get out. I need to get these papers done and organized for tomorrow and you have some studying to do." He said, looking up at her through his glasses with a smile ghosting his lips.

"Sure thing, have fun." She said before she exited the room and closed the door behind her.

She went downstairs and tidied up the beer bottles on the counters, emptied the ash tray on the coffee table, and washed the dishes. After cleaning up she took out her homework and placed it on the kitchen table.

After two hours of doing her homework Marcus, Alex's brother, entered their home with a yell, "Food!"

She heard shoes bang against the wall as he kicked them off his feet and made his way to the kitchen table where Alex was sitting.

"Hey, how was your day?" Marcus ruffled her hair, laughing when she muttered, "fuck off"

"It was fine I guess, how about you?" Alex asked her brother who was taking out cutlery for the three of them, fixing her hair from Marcus' tousling.

"Same as yours I suppose. How did your biology test go? I know you were freaking out about it all this morning... and every day this week..." he muttered and she threw a napkin at his face.

Alex picked up her books and placed them on the chair in front of the television set. She looked at her brother and shrugged, taking the plates from his hands to set out.

"I don't know how it went... I'm hoping I did well because otherwise, I won't be passing. I'm already failing." She explained and her brother nodded his head and told her everything would work itself out. "You're a smart kid" he said.

"You're a year older than me. Stop acting like you're fucking-" she stopped as she was interrupted by her father entering the room

"Language! Sweet daughter of mine..." he chuckled and sat down in his seat, Alex and Marcus following. "My turn to say grace." He grabbed his children's hands and closed his eyes and began to say grace.

As Alex closed her eyes and listened to her father's words, a bad feeling settled deep in her stomach.

Something bad is coming.

"Amen."

#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x original female character #billy hargrove x original character #stranger things fanfic #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery fanfic

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years

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o27.

// Random Survey Questions // By: @x-hallie-x // What was the last thing you spent a lot of time thinking about? >> Keahi, my Watcher (player character) in the Pillars of Eternity series. I was just imagining the differences between em in the first game and em in the second game, and also imagining em being sexy-flirtatious with Xoti (a character in the second game), because I’m a thot.

What do you think about astrology/the zodiac? If you used to believe/not believe in it, what changed your mind? >> I think astrology is neat. I used to hate it because all I knew about it were people saying that Geminis are two-faced and manipulative and all this other shit, and I got tired of hearing insults about me based on some arbitrary star shit (as I thought at the time). But one of my friends got me into astrology by telling me about the cool shit like natal charts and gradually I got into it. Now I’m like “don’t talk to me unless you did your birth chart ;D ;D” (honestly it’s just FUN and I really relate to what my own birth chart tells me, and I’m not going to let fun-sucking people ruin it for me).

What is one conspiracy you believe in? Or one you think is total crap? >> I don’t know... I don’t really believe in any, per se, like whole-heartedly. I just think a lot of them are interesting. I also don’t know much about any, because I never did much research into them. The geo-engineering thing sounded interesting to me because that reminds me of terraforming in science fiction and stuff, and also the X-Files-esque idea of alien conspiracies as coverups for more insidious experiments and what not? That’s pretty cool. I just think conspiracies are cool from a, like... storytelling perspective, if that makes sense.

Where was the last place you traveled to and what did you do/who did you go with? >> I went to Chicago for my birthday weekend at the end of May, with Sparrow. I went to the Shedd Aquarium, the Adler Planetarium, and the Museum of Science and Industry, and Navy Pier, and I also ate a lot of food and drank a lot of cocktails. And I got to meet my friend Loki in person after being mutuals for years! It was great.

Where was the last place you didn’t want to go but had to anyway? >> I can’t remember.

If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be? >> I mean, I’m pretty happy doing what I’m doing right now, and I don’t want to poke at that too hard and make myself dissatisfied for no reason.

What made you pick up the last book you read? Are you glad you did? >> The last book I finished was Dune Messiah, and I picked it up because I’d read the first book and wanted to keep going. Yeah, I’m glad, it’s an interesting series.

When was the last time you yelled/screamed and why? >> I don’t remember, I rarely do that.

Why is your greatest fear your greatest fear? >> I’m not sure. I think I went todash one too many times and I came back with a set of anxieties as a souvenir. I never used to get all up in my brain about death, in fact I never understood people who were anxious about it at all. And now it’s my thing. I don’t like it, but I guess I have to live with it, and I’m doing my shitting best.

What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? >> I’m not sure? I have a hard time remembering stuff like this.

If you could have any animal as a pet (in a magic universe where wild animals can be tame or something!) what animal would you choose? >> A DRAGON. A WHOLE ASS DRAGON. Fuck it.

What Hogwarts house are you in? What do you think about the “stereotypes” regarding your house? >> I’m a Slytherclaw! I used to get annoyed at unnecessarily negative Slytherin stereotypes but like... meh, whatever. The whole House system is based on stereotypes in the first place, so that’s to be expected.

What is your favorite song to sing? How about dance to? Do the DO to? >> I’m going to pick random favourites since I don’t have just ONE favourite anything, haha. To sing: Some Time Ago... by Dethklok To dance to: This Corrosion by Sisters of Mercy To get freaknasty to: Some Kind of Stranger by Sisters of Mercy

What is something you want to do, but you don’t think you’ll ever be able to? >> I’d like to live in a community, like a real community where people know and support one another, and share things, and look out for each other’s children, and make you feel like you belong to them. I just... I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever have that.

Have you ever given something up for another person? >> Sure, I mean, I can’t think of any examples right off the top of my head, but I’m pretty sure that’s happened before.

What was wrong with you the last time you felt sick? >> Drank too much, probably.

What is something about your personality that you hope never changes? >> I hope I’m always curious about things and eager to learn.

If you could be famous/known for something, what would you want it to be? >> I really don’t know.

Do you prefer to watch movies with other people or by yourself? >> I like watching movies with other people! But sometimes people’s movie rules don’t match up with mine (like, I don’t mind people talking during movies unless they’re really deep ones and I need to concentrate... but a lot of people don’t want any talking at all, and that’s too much for me). And sometimes people are like... just no fun to watch movies with, you know the kind of person, where they complain about everything or say “that looks so fake lol” or stuff like that? Buzzkills. Fuck that. But! other than that, sure, I like to watch with other people. It’s fun.

What, if anything, are you trying to change about yourself? >> I’m not really trying to change anything, more trying to adapt to myself and be kinder and more patient to myself. Trying to live by example, yanno. And also I’m just tired of struggling with myself, lmao.

How would you describe your soul (old, young, wise, like some sort of animal, flower, etc)? >> I’m a Singularity! The infinite fathomless unknown core of a supermassive black hole, which could be anything from a single point of pure light to a silent void to an entire universe in its own right. The fact that we (humanity) don’t know what’s inside of a black hole makes it an infinity of possibilities (and I think that’s what it is anyway, not just ONE THING or THIS OTHER THING, but all things -- the Prim, the primordial soup, taking shapes when observed but otherwise purely infinite), and that’s me!

Where were you when you first listened to your favorite song? Did it become a favorite immediately or later on? >> Hmm... well, I know I was in New Orleans when I first heard Volbeat’s A Broken Man and the Dawn, which is one of my favourite songs. It did become a favourite immediately.

When was the last time you were embarrassed? >> I don’t remember. It’s not something that sticks, which is what I tell myself when I do get embarrassed -- I’m literally going to forget about it in a day, so no point dwelling on it. ...I think that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, though. If I don’t dwell on it, then I don’t form memory anchors, which is why I forget about it in a day. Ha! Brain: HACKED

When was the last time you felt especially good about yourself? >> Probably either the last time Hallie said something nice about me :’) or the last time Can Calah said something about his observations of me over time.

What was the last thing you ate? Would you have preferred something else? If so, what? >> I ate a veggie burger with spinach on it, and sweet maui onion chips. Also, it took me like four tries just now to remember how to spell “maui”, for some reason, lmfao. And nah, I was cool with that.

The last time you drank alcohol, what were you doing/who were you with? >> I drank a glass of Rosé yesterday because it was World Rosé Day. That’s an improvement, because usually I just drink the bottle lmfao but nope, just that one glass, and it took me like 2 hours to finish it! This is going better than I expected. I have decided not to drink again until Wednesday (because Wednesday, yanno), and I already set out what I’m going to drink that day and I’m not going to deviate from it. If you want to help hold me accountable, here’s what I chose: one (1) bottle of Backwoods Bastard and one (1) glass of 1000 Stories wine. That’s my limit! Anyway, back to the actual question -- I was just hanging out at home with Sparrow tumblin’ and watching Parts Unknown.

What kind of a drunk are you? >> A... talkative one? A giggly one? A maudlin one, oftentimes. I know the big thing is that people drink to forget their emotional stuff, but I drink to access it.

What’s the most fun you’ve ever had on a drug/trip? >> Oh, man, I don’t even know. There have been a lot of fun trips. So many. One time we took dex and went walking around the Upper West Side and ran into this band performing on the street and they said if you give them a word they’ll make up a song about it on the spot and Sigma said “otters” and Crystal said “threesomes” and so they made up a song about otter threesomes. I’ve seen and felt so much of the pure ridiculous amazingness of NYC while tripping that I can’t even process it all.

What’s the most dangerous or risky thing you’ve ever done? Did you enjoy it or regret it? >> I guess the times I’ve shipped myself across state lines to live with people I’d met online and never before seen in person until then. Like, you know, you hear the horror stories. But nothing close to that has ever happened to me.

From how far up have you fallen/jumped before? >> I threw myself down a flight of stairs once. On purpose. I was also todash, so. (I was completely fine after, physically. Yeah, I don’t know how, either.)

Other than this survey, what was the last thing to get on your nerves? >> THIS SURVEY IS BOMB WHAT DO YOU MEAN Uh... hmm. I don’t remember. :/a

What was the last thing to make you laugh? >> I don’t remember but I also just thought about BZONKED and started laughing again.

What is an inside joke you have between you and a friend/etc? >> Well there’s BZONKED and HOT GATORADE and also hey Hallie remember skagit... >:3

What was the last new thing you learned? >> I don’t remember.

How would you describe your blog content? Do you only reblog specific things or does anything go? >> My personal blog is just... stuff I love, I guess, and stuff I care about. But like, there’s stuff I love that I have other blogs for, specifically -- oedonvevo is for memes and shitposts and fandom overflow (stuff that I like but don’t necessarily want to clog my main blog with); and oedon is for my RPG fandom stuff, my OCs and headcanons; and fuzzbones is for cute shit. And this, of course, is for surveys.

When was the last time you left somewhere for forever (or at least don’t plan on returning)? >> I guess when I moved out of New York two years ago.

What is the most destructive thing you’ve done? >> I’m not sure.

What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? >> Psst this one’s a repeat question! ;D

What video game are you playing now? Do you prefer to play alone or with others/multiplayer games/online games? >> I’m playing like 48479837 at once, tbh. Nah, actually, right now I have World of Warcraft, Elder Scrolls Online, Final Fantasy XIV, Guild Wars 2, Pillars of Eternity, and Mass Effect Andromeda (which I feel like I’m NEVER going to finish) going. I also have save files on Torchlight II, Skyrim, Oblivion, Torment: Tides of Numenera, and a couple of others that I sometimes go back and poke around on. I just really love my video games, lmao. And I prefer to play by myself, because I have a low sense of confidence in my ability to play well with others. But as you can see, I also play four different MMOs, so I’m slowly learning how to get over my lack of confidence and just... ignore the assholes and look for the friendly people.

What was the last thing you found? >> MY SANITY yeah just kidding that’s still lost and I ain’t lookin for it

When will you be going out again and where? >> I’m not sure, actually.

Do you prefer to stay at home or do you like to be out and about? Where are your favorite places to go? >> I love to go out and about, but I... really don’t like where I live, unfortunately, so it’s a real downer. I spend a lot of time beating myself up about it, and I’m trying to stop, but you know... old habits. Also, like, I’m used to living in a big city, a big multicultural city, lived in one for most of my adult life, and it’s a hard adjustment, still. I don’t know how to meet people or do things here, nothing makes sense to me. And I feel culturally alienated as fuck. So, you know. I mostly just stay home. :/

Generally (or specificially, hell idc) what would you like your dream life to look like? >> I don’t really have a dream life, I just know I would like to live in a city again -- ideally New Orleans. And I want to have meatspace friends along with my internet friends! And I want to have money to travel.

When was the last time something about your life changed drastically/what happened? >> I guess the biggest recent change is getting back with Hallie, although like... you know how sometimes a big change happens and it should feel more strange, but it... isn’t? Like, I don’t want to diminish how big of a thing this is, but it also kind of just feels... comfortable enough that it doesn’t shake up my life a whole lot. There are things to adjust to, but they’re not like SUPER HARD OMG adjustments or anything, in fact they’re probably pretty helpful to my growth as a person, so I’m cool with them.

What is one talent you wish you had? What about one you are working on? >> Hmm. I’m not sure. I like the skills I have. :3 I guess I’m constantly working on my gaming skills, and I tend to think that I’m not improving but if you look back over the past 6 or so years, I have definitely improved. I can’t even deny that to myself. So that’s good!

What makes you feel “not good enough”? >> Thinking about employment.

What was the last thing you quit? >> I didn’t quit drinking, but I quit drinking the way I was drinking.

What is one drug you want to try? With who/where? >> Shrooms, but I’m also... well, you know, after all the going-todash and whatnot, I’m understandably anxious about it. But I’d like to try it with a friend who is experienced with them and will do them with me, and a friend who will be sober and kinda just looking out for us (me especially lmao). That would be the ideal situation.

Has any movie totally freaked you out? What’s the craziest movie you’ve ever watched? >> District 9 did, but that was because I had been up for 4 days straight and my understanding of reality was starting to shit itself anyway. The craziest movie I’ve seen is probably Antichrist, or A Serbian Film, for two different reasons. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus was also pretty wild, and so was Mirrormask. And let’s not discount Sunshine...

What is something you don’t like to do alone? >> Drugs.

What about something you only like to do alone (like, something besides the expected things)? >> I’m not sure. It’s really just the expected things. Most things I don’t like to do with just anyone, but that doesn’t mean I only want to do them by myself, either.

What is something you find difficult that many others do not? >> Employment.

When was the last time you smiled and why? >> I don’t remember. I don’t really notice when I do, all the time.

Do you like to help people? How about animals? Which would you rather help, if it applies? >> I guess so, yeah. Like, it’s not a huge impulse of mine or anything, but generally I’d prefer to be helpful than to be apathetic or hurtful. Although sometimes those other two things happen too, since I’m... a whole person and not just an archetype of one. Anyway, I’m probably biased towards humans, because... I am one, I guess. I don’t know. I like animals and I respect them, but what little affective empathy I have is reserved for people. It’s not an infinite resource, unfortunately.

What was the last thing you wasted? >> I don’t remember. Probably water, like running the faucet or something.

What was your last purchase? >> The two Zeal & Ardor albums off Amazon!

As an adult, what is the most & least you’ve weighed? >> 145, I’d say, and 110.

Who was the last person to leave your life and what caused this to happen, if anything? >> Sigma. It’s... well, it really is a long story, and I’m guessing it’ll get told in pieces over the course of survey-taking, but telling it in one shot is nigh impossible. There’s a lot of fucking shit to unpack.

What was the last compliment you recieved? Insult? >> The last compliment... probably from Hallie, in a survey, haha. I don’t remember the last insult.

What did you order at the last restaurant you went to? >> The last place I ordered food at was Wendy’s and I got a chicken sandwich and fries.

When you are sad/etc, what kinds of things help you feel less shitty? >> Funny/cute TV shows, music, stuffed animals (stim therapy in general, like wrapping up in a blanket or finding a way to pressure-stim or doing repetitive motion), people doing silly shit or memes (that depends, though, sometimes it doesn’t get through to me but sometimes it does!), sitting outside on a sunny quiet day for a little bit, watching animals doing animal things, eating a good food (especially if someone brought it for me).

What’s the latest you’ve stayed up this past week? Latest you slept in? >> I haven’t stayed up late at all! I’ve been going to bed at midnight and it’s been working pretty well so far. The latest I’ve slept was to about 10a but that was also because I got woken up in the middle of my sleep so my REM cycle and shit was all thrown off.

Is there anything you feel like you have to do every single day or its not complete? >> Hmm... a survey ;D lmao I don’t know

What was the last chore you did? >> I don’t remember.

What is causing the most stress/anxiety in your life right now? Will this situation end/resolve soon? >> Nothing specific, just like... feelings of personal doom and stuff like that, nothing logical, just... todash leftovers, I guess. I hope it resolves soon, but I’m afraid I might just have to... live like this. :T I wonder if there’s a like... chill anti-anxiety med I can take sometimes or something.

When you think about outer space, what thoughts/feelings come to mind? >> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the most immature thing you do (or laugh at)? >> I laugh at stupid sex jokes all the time. Like, the stupider the better. “hurr hurr bone” that sort of thing.

Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? >> Yeah. I’m a sadist and I’ve known at least one masochist, soooo.... ;p But if you mean like.... in a mean nonconsensual way, maybe? I don’t remember any specific times, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever.

What was the last lie you told? Did anyone notice? Did you feel bad? >> I don’t remember. I don’t really have much use for lies.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? >> February or so.

Have you ever been in therapy? If so, what did you think of the experiences? >> Yes, and now I’ve got all this NEW trauma to unpack! THANKS, THERAPY!!!

What kinds of clothing do you like to wear? >> Oh, a bunch. I just don’t feel like... comfortable in everything, you know? Like even stuff I like! I like it on other people, or I like it in the store, but when I put it on it’s just Wrong. I’m either the wrong height or the wrong weight or my features don’t fit the look or I’m too ungainly in it or... I don’t know. Meh.

What is something you like that no one else you know likes too? >> I mean, I know a lot of people (online lol), so... yeah, I don’t think there’s anything like this.

What is something you don’t like that everyone seems to like? >> Napoleon Dynamite. I just didn’t like it, but it’s not like... a big deal or anything. Sometimes you just don’t like things. I just think it’s funny that I can’t think of anyone else who doesn’t like it.

Do you judge other people based on the foods they eat? >> Nah. Life is short, brah. Eat up (or don’t? hehe).

Do you follow a particular diet/meal-plan/ethic? >> No, I think the closest thing to a “diet” that I’d like to follow is the Mediterranean diet, but that’s because I love Mediterranean food and the whole food culture and everything. It’s really just about what makes me feel good to eat, what I enjoy seeing on a plate, what just speaks to me, and that’s it.

Are you involved in politics or do you tend to avoid them? Is there a reason for this? >> I tend to avoid them, because I don’t know shit about shit and while I care about specific things (like, I think I should be able to live without facing violence because of some aspect of my identity, yanno), I don’t.... I don’t really have enough rage to like... be an activist or anything. I support people who are fighting for these things! I just... it’s not my thing. And actual politics, like who’s in government? I just assume they’re all corrupt -- not because they’re bad people, but because they’re caught in this sticky web of a system where you’re forced to be ruthless and conniving and two-faced and like... after a while it becomes normal for you. I would hate to be a politician, because no matter how you start out, you either end up dying or living long enough to see yourself become the villain. That’s just how it is. :c

What is a subject you tend to avoid with other people, for whatever reason? >> Religion. Because inevitably someone’s going to start talking about how all religion is bad, and then I’ll have to leave. (But like, my friends and SOs are fine! I actually love talking about religion with people that are into it the way I am, like it’s a big special interest of mine and I am so excited when I run into people who enjoy talking about religion and culture and mythology and how important it all is to being human. I even like talking to people who have become disillusioned with organised religion and have ideas about how they’d like it to be, or even just people who have the same religious traumas I have and are trying to cope. But like... well, you know. Some People, lmao. Can’t talk about shit with them.)

When was the last time you changed your mind about something? What made things change? >> I don’t remember, but listen, I’m a Gemini, I change my mind all the time.

If there was a colony on Mars and you could actually feasibly go live there, would you want to? >> HELL YEAH WTF THAT’D BE DOPE AS SHIT but like can I have dual citizenship because I also love Earth and I wouldn’t want to leave it forever-forever :’(

What kinds of things make you homesick, or do you get homesick very much? >> Photos of Jackson Square or the Mississippi River, zydeco music, certain foods and smells, a bag of Zapp’s from Potbelly, Purple Haze beer, certain songs in my library... and yeah, I get homesick all the time. It’s a real problem.

What is the longest (or most involved) thing you’ve ever written? >> I wrote a story that’s still up on deviantART, called Once Thought Damned, and it’s basically really derivative of the kind of books I was into back then (paranormal erotic romance), but I also still really love those characters and the stories I was trying to tell in my fumbling “haven’t found my voice yet” sort of way, and I still think about them all the time. But yeah, I think it’s... at least 50k words long, and took me a few years to finish. So I’m proud of that.

If you could choose, would you be yourself or someone else? >> I don’t know what it’s like to be anyone but me, so how could I choose? Hell, selfhood is weird enough as it is without this question messin me up xD

What is something you really like - it could be anything - just gush! >> Oh, I would gush, but also I need to conserve my energy, this is a long survey! ;D

What about something you just can’t stand, a pet peeve, a resentment, etc? >> I really don’t like when people make fun of people for being excited about things. It doesn’t matter what the thing is. I just... I really don’t like that. You don’t have to like whatever it is, but just... don’t fucking piss on their parade, okay? No one asked for your downer ass opinion anyway.

What is the highest elevation you’ve been to? >> I don’t know! I guess it was probably someplace in Colorado, though.

What do you think of love? >> I think it’s fascinating. I think I don’t understand it most of the time, and that’s okay too. I think sometimes that love is the exact nature of the willful force that shapes reality. I think it’s something science should leave to the poets and mystics, although science never will, because that’s the nature of science, and that’s... actually okay, too.

What is one food you used to like but no longer do? >> Cosmic Brownies. I used to eat them a lot because they’re cheap and calorie-dense and when you’re on food stamps that’s pretty great. But... god. GOD. I could gag just thinking about them, now.

How would you describe your eating habits? >> I don’t know that I can! I try to eat as well as possible but I also try not to give into neurosis about it (that uh... orthorexia? is that what it’s called? that’s a hole that’s really fuckin easy to fall into). I try to enjoy what I eat. I try to go for variety and colour and fun arrangements and weird combinations. I try to show love for myself by eating things that make me feel good.

Do you prefer to live with others or by yourself? Why is this? >> I prefer to live with others because I’m crazy, and I spiral downwards really quickly by myself. I depend on others to keep me grounded, because I’m not exactly fully... In Reality(tm). I also have a lot of, uh... like, weird autistic issues like the idea of cleaning bathrooms making me want to scream and claw my skin off, so it’s nice to live with someone who doesn’t have those issues and is willing to do it for me. Also, I literally cannot afford to live by myself, so, you know.

What scares you about getting older? >> The idea of infirmity isn’t a fun one. I’ve been spoiled by having a healthy body all these years, the idea of the slow decline is therefore unnerving. But I think I can handle that, realistically, I just... fear(tm). Also, of course, I’m afraid I’ll never stop being anxious about death. I want to know that I’ll have enough time to come to terms with it.

What is one thing you find attractive? >> Vulnerability. (Which is probably at the root of a lot of my kinks, like desperation and shit.)

Who did you last tell a secret to? Or just sensitive info? >> lmao I told Hallie who the person was that I had a crush on but didn’t want to mention in the survey I’d taken. :p

What kind of blogs do you follow? >> Man I follow almost 900 blogs, I don’t even know where to begin. (I used to follow around 1200, so that’s actually a conservative number for me.)

Have you made any good friends online? How long have you known them? >> Sure, I suppose I could say that. I’ve had some mutuals for anywhere from 6 months to like 4+ years. And there’s Elle, who I’ve known since my VF days, so since 2009. Almost ten years!

What is something really weird/embarrassing that you’ve done? >> I tried to use one of those menstrual cup things once and then I couldn’t get it out and I had a meltdown in the bathroom and Sigma had to come take it out for me. That’s the first thing that came to mind, lmao. I fucking hate those things with a violent passion and I will never use one again.

What about something you’ve done that sounds too wild to believe? >> I had a one-night stand with Aur-elio Vol/taire. (I put the slash and dash in to keep his name out of searches, lmao.)

What does it mean to you to trust someone? >> I guess that I give them the tools to hurt me with the faith that they won’t use those tools in that way (not intentionally anyway -- so I also have the faith that if they do hurt me, it’s probably unintentional and I should at least give them a chance to explain themselves). Or something like that.

What was the last thing you drank? >> Water.

What’s the weather doing where you are? >> It’s cool and cloudy.

What was the last thing to go completely wrong? >> Oh man I tried to make this fuckin flapjack cup microwave thing last week sometime and I put water in it instead of milk by accident and it just came out so bad. (It says water OR milk but let me tell you, it means JUST MILK, anything else is GROSS)

What kinds of things do you like to talk about? >> I can’t think of too many things I don’t like to talk about. I just don’t like to talk about some things with just anyone.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? >> I don’t remember. Probably Sparrow making fun of me for being a thirsty binch.

Name a book or movie from childhood that holds a special place in your heart? >> The Phantom Tollbooth.

What are some of your favorite words/word meanings? >> My mind is starting to melt lmao I don’t want to think this hard

When was the last time you procrastinated something? >> I procrastinated vacuuming and then I just straight up forgot to do it at all.

What mood/attitude do you tend to have when taking surveys, or does it vary? >> Usually I’m just... chill, like I usually am.

Has another survey-taker ever bitched you out for one of your answers? >> Probably, in the past when the survey-taking crowd was a little more incestuous.

Have you ever bitched anyone out for theirs? >> No, that’s just rude.

How did you celebrate the most recent holiday? >> I don’t celebrate Memorial Day lmao fuck that it was MY BIRTHDAY and THAT’S IT

How does your birthday make you feel? >> Pretty good, usually.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents? Has it always been this way? >> I never knew my mother (she tried to visit a few times but she didn’t seem to want to know who I was, really, and I’m pretty sure at least one of those visits was just a ploy to try to get back in bed with my dad or something), and my relationship with my father has been tempestuous and not entirely great at times because he was not very compassionate and I was a seething bundle of traumas and emotional neglect but I still love and appreciate him. Unfortunately I’ve lost contact with him and I don’t know how to regain it, so that’s that, I guess.

What is the longest amount of time you’ve spent alone (or mostly alone, since this is the age of the internet and all, hah)? >> I’m not sure. I mean, I lived alone for almost a year (2009) with minimal outside contact and that was... hell... but like... normally I’m never alone for that long.

What was the last thing you asked for help with? >> I don’t remember. But I finished this survey! It was very good. c:

#surveys #survey #random survey

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