#they unfollowed me everywhere else ages ago

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[unhingedhearties]

Damn, I used up all my atomic bomb references.

A few days ago When Calls The Heart actress Erin Krakow posted another Behind The Scenes photo from Season 10, the season that just aired a few months ago. For context, there's a scene where her character Elizabeth gets a box with the wedding dress she ordered (for her wedding that never ended up happening). It turns out to not only be the wrong dress, but very ugly. Elizabeth puts it on and laughs are had. Erin posted a series of photos of her and co-star Pascale Hutton being silly while Erin's still in the ugly dress.

You can all guess what happened next. First, some of the reactions from Twitter:

"If the show had gone the way I wanted it to go, these photos would be fine. But I didn't get what I wanted, so these photos of you two having fun that other people are enjoying are tone-deaf."

You might remember foxyinspiration. They're the person who is constantly insulting Erin on her Instagram about how awful she is and keeps emphasizing that she's a female producer for some reason.

There's nothing I can add that'll make this funnier than it already is. A grown-ass woman of voting age wrote this. Back to the responses on Instagram:

Deidre Behar, the producer/host for Entertainment Tonight comments and Erin responds. Repeat offender and stalker amintmimi takes the opportunity to make an ass of herself and will continue to do so multiple times.

Pascale Hutton also shows up and with her a chance for amintmini to show her ass again. The word "disrespectful" shows up, so take a drink. The senior citizen who spends all her time spamming every post Erin makes looking for evidence of targeted attack against her and other Lucas fans calls her and Pascale "immature teenagers" for this series of photos of them smiling in a field. Her personality is so bitter and miserable that the sight of others being happy causes her to froth from her toothless mouth.

"IT'S MORE THAN A SHOW"

People are finally starting to try and slap some reality into these unhinged Heartie's heads. Amintermimi the Ragepig is aghast at the "rude" responses, clearly believing she's done nothing to warrant it. She, like many other smooth-brained Team Lucas fans keeps mentioning that Team Nathan fans sent him death threats. I've yet to find any. If someone has proof of this, please share it.

"Look, it's cute that you two are having fun, but have you considered my feelings and how all these photos are hurting me? I could unfollow, but what will I do to fill the void of my empty life? Work on being a person that enriches the lives of those around me? No, it's too late for that. I'd rather suck out the happiness of everyone near me."

Best response.

"why do you keep showing this dress"

This is literally the first time she's posted a photo of it.

"Are you trying to leave some kind of clue for season 11?"

OH SHIT THEY FIGURED IT OUT! Get out your decoder rings and put on your 3-D glasses 'cause we're going to bust this thing wide open.

Erin and Pascale are both standing beside each other making the shape of two 1's OR . . . AN 11. LIKE SEASON 11! Erin is standing to Pascale's left. JUST LIKE A BRIDE AT THE ALTER! Pascale can be seen in one of the photos holding Erin's hand like she's proposing. Look at what color she's wearing. RED! You know who else wears red? NATHAN! In the distance we can see the sun setting. This represents the sun setting on Elizabeth and Lucas's relationship as it comes to an end. And what is Erin doing in all these photos as the sun sets? SMILING! She's smiling at the thought of Lucabeth fans spiraling into morbid depression. But the most damning evidence of all?

Enhance.

Mother of God…

There's some sort of giant bench monument in the background. It's hard to make out, but if you invert the colors…

That's clearly Lindsay Sturman and Brian Bird's handwriting. We caught them both dead to rights.

Erin's mocking the wedding. I told you guys the signs are everywhere! Thankfully more people are calling out these dumb reactions, but of course the worn out argument of Lucabeth fans shows up. Team Nathan fans acted the same way and it was reprehensible, but when Team Lucas fans do it it's simultaneously okay, but also they're not doing it because the situation is not the same. Any time a Team Nathan fans points out "now you know how we felt" they do a bunch of back flips to explain how this is a totally different scenario.

RAGEPIG! SooREEEEEEEE!

A compilation of the feral hog's comments and responses. It's just the same words over and over because they have no real argument.

Sweetie, you can give the dictionary definition on the word "invest" until you're blue in your pseudo-intellectual face. The point is no one should be "investing" their lives into a TV show. Go develop a real personality instead of "blob that parks her fat ass on the couch every time the TV turns on."

Oh look! A Lucabeth fan saying that it should have been Nathan and Faith together instead of him and Mei. I'm sure all those Lucabeth fans that are good, socially conscience allies will come in and point out how racist that kind of thinking is.

If by "fans" you just mean your dumb little clique of mentally stunted women-children I could see where you're coming from, but there's actually tons of fans out there who aren't triggered by a photo of two women smiling. Look! You can even see them posting on this very photo! Amazing :D

(And the whole point was that the dress she's wearing wasn't the wedding dress. Try to pay attention to the TV show you're obsessing over).

It's all well and good that the people who work on this show have fun and share it with their fans, but they need to take into consideration that fans that are literally dying of heartbreak. Please be more sensitive about what you post and avoid the photos that can cause irreparable harm.

Which is all of them.

Every photo you post will set them off.

There's literally nothing you could share online that won't make them screech at their monitors.

badcruelunkinduncaringmeaninsensitive.png

You all remember that time Brain Bird and Lindsay Sturman came on TV and Men In Black style took away everyone's memories of Lucas and Elizabeth's special moments? No, me neither. Which is proof that it happened!

But if they go away, who are you going to harass all day instead of spending time with your family (assuming they still want anything to do with you)?

"I can't wait till you have to tell LJ why his father is dead… oh LJ it's because of Nathan the man I love"

I have AMAZING news. LJ is never going to learn how his father died because LJ isn't real, his father isn't dead, the fictional character Nathan didn't kill him, nor did the flesh and blood actor Kevin McGarry and Erin isn't actually his mother. This works out for everyone!

[placebogirl7]

Why Jodie is so hated in DC fandom? - Analysis of an underestimated character and clarification about wrong assumptions

Preliminary remark: this post is just a personal opinion. No intention to start wars of any kind, I respect everyone’s opionion so I want my opinion to be respected too. If you don’t share it, it’s totally ok as it’s totally ok if I don’t share yours.

During these last 5 years I’ve been back into DC fandom, I notice all around the web many people spreading hate towards Jodie (not only here on Tumblr but everywhere, especially in forums and social media pages). It’s ok to not like a character, but you need valid reasons to hate it. If you hate it for bullshit, then it’s only hate based on nothing. And this is what I see everytime I read a bad comment about Jodie’s character. This is really annoying for a fan, to be honest. Now I want to point out some of the most popular reason why Jodie is hated and analyze them (maybe I have already explained my point of view about them in some other posts in the last years, but I will clarify them again).

1) “Jodie has become useless, she’s no more interesting and mysterious as she was at the beginning” You (Jodie haters) really notice this change only in Jodie’s character? Because I can mention at least other 10 characters who, at their first appearance, were described as mysterious and cool and whatever else, but now are “lying on the shelf” for Gosho’s choise. Jodie has been introduced in a mysterious way becase she was suspected to be Vermouth, so Gosho created the suspance around her character and made her act in a shifty way to make the readers believe that she could be one of the BO members. Once it has been revealed that she wasn’t bad, there were no more need to make her act in a shifty way. Many other character who were suspected to be Bo members but in the end were not have shared the same fate. But it’s Gosho’s decision, not Jodie’s fault. It’s not something related to her way of being, it’s a choise of the author.  She has become usless? Ok, let’s face the reality: who is useful among the characters? A very few. Let’s take all the FBI Team: Gosho has painted them as a bunch of idiots that without Akai can’t do nothing. To make Akai “shine” he has denigrated Jodie, James and Camel. Camel doesn’t do nothing of his own, he always wait for Akai’s orders; James is supposed to be the chief but actually he does what Akai says; Jodie seems to make mistakes everytime she did something, even if she’s doing it in the right way. But again, it’s not their fault because we have seen them doing even very good things and being brilliant, so they have potential: it’s Gosho who decided to treat them like dumbs so Akai can be like a God who will save all of us. Don’t get me wrong, I love Akai, but I hate what Gosho is doing to put him in the spotligh. Again, it’s Gosho’s fault, not the characters who suddenly became usless and not interesting. The hate should be towards Gosho, not Jodie.

2) “After Akai’s death Jodie has become so annoying, she’s weak and she’s always crying” Ok...question for you Jodie haters: if you suddenly lose someone you love, what will be your reaction? Will you laugh as you were watching a sitcom, will you organize a big party with your friends or will you start throwing confetti in the air? Because if you do one if these 3 things, then...congratulations, you have won the highest award for the most cool /stone-harted/ heartless person in this world! You have no rivals, not even Shuichi Akai who is now jealous of you!  Seriously...if the man you love so much dies suddenly, it’s LEGITIMATE to cry, to be desperate, to lose yourself. It’s like losing a part of you. But despite feeling lost, Jodie has been the only one among the FBI who never believed to Akai’s death since the beginning and she fought long and hard to find out the truth behind his death. Since when on the TV they show the incident at Rahia Pass and they say a man was dead burned in his car, she immediately thought that it wasn’t Shuichi and that he had surely used a trick to escape. Guess what? She was right! Do you still think she’s stupid?  Jodie isn’t weak, she just faced an emotional breakdown due to the loss of a person she loved. This is being human, not being weak. Jodie isn’t always crying, she cried when everything and everyone around her was making her believe that Shuichi was really dead. At a certain point she stopped crying, when she saw hope, a hint that Shu was still alive. She isn’t a crybaby, she just needed hope. 

3) “Since Akai’s death, Jodie hasn’t done anything interesting or exciting, she has become boring” If you didn’t notice by yourself, then I will reveal you the biggest secret of all: after Akai’s death, or better to say after the end of Scarlet Arc when Jodie and Camel discovered about Shuichi being alive and hiding behind Subaru’s identity...FBI hasn’t appeared anymore in the manga for ages, since the last files which came our recently! How are they (included Jodie) supposed to do something exciting or interesting if they don’t even appear? Gosho put them in the closet with the naphthalene and he concentrated his attention on other characters (first of all Amuro, which in my opinion deserves more hate than Jodie because of his behaviour but somehow is adored as a God in the fandom).Then one day he get up and he had the big flash of genius: “FBI still exist in my story, so better take them out of the closet and make them do something”. But in the end, as always, only Akai did something relevant. Camel has been a puppet in the hand of Akai and Jodie made a mistake. So, again, it’s not Jodie who have changed and become a worst character, it’s how Gosho is painting her and the other FBI agents which makes them appear less interesting or capable at the eyes of the readers.

4) “Jodie has become stupid” About this I made a “funny” post long time ago, so I will put the link below. I think it’s enough to explain all:

https://placebogirl7.tumblr.com/post/156414088650/jodie-has-become-more-and-more-stupid  

I will also add something that surely will unleash the wrath of somebody and maybe they will start complain, but I honestly don’t care because it’s nothing against someone in particular but just something I noticed. This is absolutely not an attempt to start a ship war nor a free criticism end in itself, because I reaspect everyone ship and opinion even if I don’t agree with that. The fact is that I noticed that often (not always of course, but often) these criticism about Jodie are moved by ShuKemi fans, and considering what I said above it seems that their hate for Jodie is just because Jodie was Akai’s girlfriend before Akemi and she has the possibility (if Gosho wants) to be his girlfriend again the future, not really because they analyzed Jodie’s character before spreading shit about it.  So I would like to point out to these ShuKemi fans who idolize Akemi’s character so much and tell shits about Jodie that Akemi sentenced herself to death with her own hands after making the worst and wrong choise she could have ever done in her life. I’ve seen many times Akemi being called “a hero” but chosing to death without obtaining nothing in return isn’t being a hero, it’s just being stupid in my opinion. Being a hero is another thing. You’re an hero if you sacrifice yourself with the goal to obtain something that worth your sacrifice, but if you sacrifice yourself knowing that you won’t obtain nothing apart from your death...well, that’s not being a hero at all. And before someone will say “You talk like this because you’re a ShuJodie fan”, please be aware that Akemi’s death has been shown before Jodie appearance and before knowing that Jodie had a relationship with Shu before he started dating Akemi, so I would have no reason to say these things just because of such trivial matters. The reason why I’ve never been touched by Akemi’s death since the beginning is because I think she has consciously chosen to die since the beginning of her “masterplan”. C’mon, how can you really think to make a deal with criminals? There’s a reason if they are criminals... She really thought that Gin would have kept his promise? If the answer is yes, then I’m sorry to say that but she’s stupid twice. So before saying that Jodie is the stupid one, at least analyze the things deeply and objectively. 

Now I know that this will make someone mad but I’m sorry, it’s what I think. And not because I see Akemi as a “threat” for Jodie’s relationship with Shuichi, as I always said I don’t need to spread shit on some character to covince myself and the other that my couple is better, I really don’t need this. I love my couple and stop, the rest doesn’t matter. If I don’t like a character, there’s always a deeper motivation behind, which has nothing to do with OTPs and trivial matters like that. But before saying I don’t like a character and draw up charges on it, I always analyze the character. I’m sorry that nobody do it with Jodie. 

Please also note that I used Akemi as example of character being idolized for no real reason because, as I said, I noticed that who talk shits about Jodie are often ShuKemi fans, but there are also other characters of course who are idolized when they actually have nothing to be idolized for. Another example is Amuro, I recently made a post about what I think of him.  Now if you don’t like what I think and what I said you are free to unfollow me, I’m sorry but I really needed to make this post because it has become more and more annoying to see nonsense unkindness things about Jodie.

Peace, love and Jodie Starling ♥

[solitaryenigma]

Tag Game

Tagged by @astraxh thank you btw I feel honored. I’ll do both tag games bc I was tagged in it

1-20 Questions

Answer 20 and tag 20 people you want to know better

Name: Nate

Nicknames: Umm Nate

Gender: Male

Orientation: Straight

Nationality: Italian/Irish

Faith/Religion: meh 

Hobbies: Anime, Video Games, Comics, Dirty Things

Pets: My family has pets, I don’t personally have any

Favorite Color(s): Gray, Blue, Green

Favorite Holiday: Halloween

Books: Scott Pilgrim!!, various Manga

Movies: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Animated Batman Movies, Anime Movies like Ghost in The Shell, Akira, Summer Wars, and Your Name, also the Rocky movies they’re awesome

Tv shows: Naruto, FLCL, Soul Eater, My Hero Academia, and way too many others so besides anime, Teen Titans (just Teen Titans not that GO nonsense) Avatar the Last Air Bender, Steven Universe, Freaks and Geeks, Archer, Rick and Morty

Music: A large verity mostly angsty stuff like MCR and AFI, but specifically Breaking Benjamin, Paramore, Linkin Park, Green Day, Queen, and Simple Plan

Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate:  Hot Chocolate but only in the winter obviously

Favorite meme: Why the fuck you lyin’, the Y Tho memes, the bad renaissance art with captions, it’s over 9000, and fucking Skyrim memes especially ones with cats as khajiit hahaha

I want to live long enough to: Be influential even if it’s just in the lives of my friends or my future children, I want to make a mark on the world and be remembered

Weird Obsessions: Taking really long showers idk if that’s weird but its something I love, Japanese Onsens (public baths) I went to a few during my study abroad to Japan and they are magical, making others feel good I think that’s becoming weird and less common in today's world

Random Fact: I never poop with a shirt on 

Goals for 2018: GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!! 

Get to know me tag

Rules: Answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better

Nickname: Nate 

Gender: Male

Zodiac: Sun Sign: Cancer Moon Sign: Leo

Height: like 5′2

Age: 23 I know I’m old

Time: as in like rn its 10:43 pm

Favorite Bands/Solo Artists: See above

Song stuck in my head: Okay it’s either Only by nicki minaj or Basket Case by Green Day nothing else

Last movie I saw: Solo

Last thing I googled: How to spell nicki minaj hahaha

Other blogs: just this one for my own enjoyment 

Do I get asks: No I wish I guess I’m not cool enough haha

Why I chose my username: Oooh so Solitary Enigma is the username I use for everything not just bc I think it’s cool but bc in HS I saw that as who I was. I guess today I still kinda do but its the idea that I am a v complex contradictory and unique human being I was mostly alone and I enjoyed my solidarity, but you can also have solidarity in a group so it could be a group of unique and perplexing individuals. So yeah there’s a lot of overthinking that went into that name hahaha

Following: Any random person’s blog that tickles my fancy one way or another, some friends I actually know but not many of the people I know use tumblr 

Average amount of sleep: When I was in school like almost none, but now that it’s summer waaaay too much

Lucky number: 4 not sure why maybe bc its nice and rounded 

What am I wearing: What is this phone sex!!? (that’s a Scott Pilgrim reference) but umm I wish I could say something hot but I’m in my pajamas pants with a white T-shirt on.. my boxer briefs are red is that sexy?

Dream job: I’ve come to realize that I want to create things and entertain people, what that actually means idk, maybe I’ll learn to draw or animate, or write stories, maybe act or do film making I’m not sure yet??

Dream trip: Ohh man lots of places I HAVE to go back to Japan, but also, Vegas, California, Toronto, Italy, Rome, just everywhere

Favorite food: uhh Pizza, Japanese Crepes 

Play an instrument: I played cello when I was in middle school I sucked and my teacher hated me hahaha, I’d love to learn Bass Guitar and the Ocarina 

Favorite song: Oh man I love Everlong by the Foo Fighters, no clue why it’s just soo mystical 

Play(ed) any sport: I tried out for a bunch of track and field stuff in HS and blew at all of it so I just worked out a lot and got pretty ripped but then I went to college and had no time to work out so that’s gone, I like Basketball and Football but as I said above I’m like 5′2 so that wasn’t going anywhere  

Hair color: Just dark brown, I never dyed it or anything  I know I’m boring sorry

Eye color: Brown again sorry boring hahaha

Describe yourself as an aesthetic: Oh gosh ummm idk how about that feeling of a cool fan on a hot summer day when you’ve been working hard and you just get that amazing breeze. Is that an aesthetic hahaha I have no idea

Random fact: I have no clue how this website works my friend made me make one like a million years ago and I got into it bc of boobs and anime so she unfollowed me bc I posted too many boobs and anime hahaha that jerk 

I tag: @alexjj1522 @majessticc @sugjesstive @eternal-adventure @radiomaru @h8rsbrunch @harrietsugarcookie @danaswanswan @suffragettequeen @mobpsycho100 @kurousagi744 @tampax-pearl

Don’t feel obligated or that I called you out I’m just following the game rules, then again that’s not 40 people so I guess I’m also breaking the game rules.. welp have fun!! and thanks for reading if you got this far you are truly a treasure 

[latinalesbi]

The ratings rose this episode, why did you think that happened?

what I have noticed makes the biggest difference in ratings sometimes is what movie precedes it. My other theory is that people watched the premiere late, liked it and watched the next episode live. Following that pattern, I would expect the next one to dip. The demo didn’t rise that much though.

  Anonymous said:                                                                      Maia definitely looked awkward when Hayden brought up the spinoff in that interview at the summit. Rightly so! Trying to appease by saying she hopes everyone gets the ending they want 🙄 That should’ve been a final season not a shady unneeded spin off. Love how Cierra just stands there and nods 🙄 Hayden has really surprised me recently - matured so much. That article about Teri has got me angry all over again just be honest with your viewers we’re the ones that kept you on the air for so long.   

There’s no “ending” with a spin off and that’s the biggest problem. Hayden has learned to keep quiet it’s a good thing.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Is there only on your page that we can read what went bad off screen between the cast ?  

I don’t know. I don’t follow that many fan pages, just the tags.

  Anonymous said:                                                                      Do you have any source, anything that can show us the bad things that are happening behind the scenes ? I mean something else than speculations. Fornow, the only thing I see as a reflect of the tension you are talking about is Teri unfollowing the people we know. That no one can deny (well I haven'tlooked yet but I believe you cause that’s easy to verify). I’m asking that because I’m so fed up with going everywhere there’s a thread about The Fostersand see nobody talks about the bts. I’m not saying they should, but the fact that they think that everything is fine and the show just ended and got a spin-off and that it’s cool, that’s crazy. It’s like they live in another world. I think it will interest those people to know that something bad went fromall of this. We can’t keep blinding ourselves talking about how this amazing family (on screen off screen) is while it’s not true.

I have said many times that I do not have sources. I pay attention and make intelligent deductions. I called the spin off before they announced it because I pay attention. Teri has def. unfollowed those people, it’s now showing up on my app so the website was accurate. The other strongest piece of evidence to me that the cast was unaware of a spin off and the cancellation is that Sherri, that I trust more than others, had been asking for a renewal all the way till announcement. The other strongest piece of evidence is that none of the regulars wished Maia and Cierra well on the spin off when it was announced. No one. They all seem a bit stunned at the announcement and took a bit to respond.

Most fans are unaware of things. You still see people asking about the new Jesus. Asking if Teri and Sherri are really together. That’s why I never look at facebook. The truth won’t come out for a while but eventually all shows throw out the dirt that happened behind the scenes.

Anonymous said:                                                                      you have talked a lot about Teri, Sherri, Peter, Joanna and Brad and still do. I read just a little about Jennifer Lopez here who was mentionned onceI think (she won’t be a producer for the spin-off). I would like to know what about her ? They came to her long ago and told her about these two wonderful moms when they asked her to become one of the producers of the show. She said The Fosters was the show she needed when she was young, The Fosters reminds her of her aunty. So what did she say ? Does she know about why all of this happened ? I think that the show was important for her too. Maybe Johanna can’t speak her mind but I wouldthink that Jennifer Lopez would say something like “this show was about two moms and you killed it”. Do you think that all they said before is meaningless now ? I mean I used to defend The Fosters saying that it was so important, taught me about what true family was about. What love is about. Do we haveto take back all we ever said now ??             

This is hollywood, they are all fake, so I wouldn’t expect her to say a damn thing. The Fosters was just something she threw money at. It wasn’t her creation so I am not sure how much passion she had about it. Now, the fact that they left her off, tells me the big three want to keep as much money from the spin off to themselves as possible.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Some Jonnor fans were happy The Fosters was canceled, because Hayden won’t have a job anymore. I think that’s really immature. I get they were hurt and it wasn’t fair. But they hate him that much. Like chill out. Even if Hayden hasn’t been the best person. He’s a teenager and needs to mature some. And he has lately.             

Jonnor fans and JT Austin fans will all claim responsibility lol. It just proves this show was never without behind the scenes drama. This whole line about we’re a family was all bullshit. I think we were fooled because there were strong friendships there, Teri and Sherri, Hayden and what’s his face, and Cierra and Maia. I know which friendship will outlast all 3. You watch what happens with those two once they share the lead… or not. Anyone really think Cierra is a real colead here?

  Anonymous said:                                                                      I am so glad that Sherri has Teri and Teri has Sherri.             

The best thing about all this bts drama. One thing was real.

 Anonymous said:                                                                      Are you one of the Stef and Lena fans that has been blocked by Bradley?

Yep, and Cierra. hee, not maia yet though. So at least she is more social media savvy

Anonymous said:                                                                      What is the article you are talking, the one which talks bad about Teri?

It was a tabloid blurb on the actual magazine.

Anonymous said:                                                                      What is your opinion of the cast members besides Maia and Cierra? (David, Hayden, etc)             

I think I addressed this already. I never liked any of them. I thought Hayden was the worst, but he’s gotten better. Noah seems not quite there most of the time. David doesn’t strike me much like an actor. We’ll see how long he ends up doing this. Maia and Cierra have hit all the wrong notes for me since they got those boyfriends. Their lifestyle isn’t something that I admire or even really tolerate. Now that I know they went behind people’s backs, I really don’t want to even look at them. Watching the show now, it strikes me Cierra looks nothing like a 16/17 year old. They’ll need to age her more than 7 years for the spin off

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Hope you don't mind if I ask you a question... Both of the fandom I'm in I've been in for awhile and I love them but I've gotten kind of burnt out on them... I used to write fics and be really involved but I can't anymore because the fandom have started to make me hate everything about it, especially my fave ships :( I want to get involved again but I'm scared and don't know how... What did you do to help comfortable to stay writing again for rotg?

Hiya anon!

You might not like my response, so I’m going to give you two responses lol.

Response one:

I dealt with toxic shit in the RotG fandom by leaving the RotG fandom. I finished out my stories (at the time finishing ISWF was really hard, and there was covert harrassment in the tags re: what I wrote), and I unfollowed most people connected to the fandom or who were reblogging stuff to do with the fandom, and I stopped reading fanfiction connected to it, and I took like...god, about a year and a half off.

In that time I wrote two RotG stories without re-engaging with the source material or reading any RotG fics. I didn’t tag surf, I didn’t discuss meta with anyone else, and I usually knocked back requests to engage in the fandom again. The only RotG thing I’d engage on, was SAL. 

I didn’t do it to cope with the fandom, I did it because I was thoroughly over the fandom and its bullshit. There were a lot of folks at the time who wrote the majority of the early, popular fics who actually all checked out at that time (or over the following six months), and almost no one has come back. The drama was just too blech, and even a year and a half ago / two years ago, people talked about like...how ‘dead’ the fandom was. People moved onto other things.

So, this is probably not what you were expecting. As a coping mechanism, if I based any advice off that, it would be ‘leave the fandom and stop writing your fic until you want to write it again.’

When I came back to RotG it was because I really wanted to, but in order to avoid drama, I still don’t follow many RotG blogs and I don’t tag surf except on the rare occasion.

Response two:

So let me talk about another fandom that I came to mostly despise and yet still wanted to keep writing a really long fic. And that’s the Dragon Age fandom. *takes a deep breath, sighs it out.*

When I started writing Stuck on the Puzzle I began to follow fandom blogs and meta blogs and I think all in all I was following about 20. Dragon Age, at least when I was writing SotP was filled with tons of callout posts - often very aggressive and based on dogpiling and outrage culture. No one was free from this, regardless of what they were doing, and the character I was writing (Cullen Rutherford) drew a great deal of ire from people I respected. I didn’t like blind Cullen love, which often meant I was dealing with blind Cullen hatred. Or alternatively fans who sought to ‘prove’ that they could be Cullen critical to the popular, dogpiling crew of the time.

The push to guilt-trip readers for not commenting has a huge piece of heartwood in this fandom too. So there was just aggression everywhere. The readers weren’t good enough. The writers weren’t good enough or writing the right themes or doing them well enough. (It’s incredibly crushing, btw to keep writing in this environment). If writers quit it was the reader’s fault, or Tumblr’s fault. If readers quit it was the fault of the writers, or Tumblr. Basically everything was always someone else’s fault and people didn’t really own their shit. This was the place where I got introduced to like, preliminary purity and anti culture before the words ‘purity’ and ‘anti’ became words.

So here’s what I did:

- I unfollowed everyone except about 2 people in the DA fandom on Tumblr. Yes, this meant dropping a lot of people, even people I really liked. If they supported the drama, they were out. - I stopped tag surfing everything except my incredibly rarepair. - I went back through my DA tag and specifically looked at artwork and all the things I’d come to love that inspired me to write the thing in the first place. - I re-engaged with the source material.

In other words, I dropped out of fandom while still producing a fanwork. It was the best thing I decided to do. It was never really the meta and shit that inspired me the most anyway. It was always the source material and my interacting with that. And it was maybe a few pieces of fanart. Otherwise, everything came from my brain anyway, and I didn’t need anything else. I certainly didn’t need the drama, and getting the occasional awesome piece of fanart floating across my dash wasn’t worth everything else happening.

And those two/three people I kept around still posted awesome fanart and stuff from time to time anyway. Also they’re awesome people.

But yeah, I never stayed comfortable writing for RotG. In fact, for a while, I hated it. I’d been really hurt by certain things within the fandom, and the drama hit too close to home, and I decided it wasn’t worth it. It’s fine to do that by the way, you’ll find another fandom eventually (I found many), and if you’re meant to find your way back to the fandom, you will.

If you really want to stay in the fandom though, I do recommend some pretty drastic actions to stay in it. Fandom drives a lot of fanwork/content producers away sometimes.

Also, additionally, it’s just normal to kind of not want anything to do with a ship or a fandom for a while? Even if you love it? Burn out is normal, and may just signify that you need something from a fandom that your current fandom / ships aren’t giving you. Being in that space between one fandom and another kind of sucks, but it may be worth using this time to like...explore other things you love, watch some new shows and movies, read some new books, and remember the joy of what it is to engage in the source material in the first place. I wish you luck!

[kbyyru]

Forgiveness

first off, for those few of you on here who know me and used to pay attention to my page before i left - yes i did have a bit of a breakdown almost a year ago and no, i didn’t do anything. i didn’t hurt myself but man oh man did i feel like it. (unless you count going on a bender hurting myself, then in that case yes i absolutely did)

what prompted this, you may ask? well for both those who did ask and those who didn’t, here we go. for about 6 months of last year (2016 for reference) i was in a borderline - maybe full on - abusive relationship. i will not be saying names; only referring to my ex using pronouns (she, her, and so on)

it started off easily enough, two people who dated once had some time apart and after some time passed started talking again. we eventually decided that things had been worked out enough to give a relationship another chance, which at the time was something i wanted because i actually did have feelings for this girl. one of the things we agreed on was that we were going to make communication more of a priority; lack of communication was something that caused our breakup in the first place. the first few months were honestly the best part. we were actually talking more and making more attempts to see each other, you know, like an actual relationship. i felt like i actually had a girlfriend and i can only assume it was vice versa for her.

obviously this didn’t last. skip to a couple months or so before things ended and it’s back to how things were the first time. it would be days before i get so much as a text/snapchat back versus being left on read. on several occasions i was ready to say “i can’t do this any more, we’re through”, but it never failed - before i would get the chance to say that i would get something from her and it convinced me that things were going to be okay. at these points we would actually get to talk, and inevitably i would try and set up a date. me trying to see my girlfriend would mean contact stops, and it would be some amount of time before i would get to talk to her again. there was always some excuse to why i never got to talk to her as well - she caught sick a lot for someone who hardly ever leaves home and was always too sick to text me back. i would nearly always end up getting bored and opening Facebook only to see that she wasn’t too sick to share posts and get in long comment threads. i can’t talk to her but she can talk to anyone else.

our birthday rolls around (coincidentally we had the same birthday but not the same year) and i see that her favorite band is coming through. i make sure i have the day off work and buy us tickets, trying to be that awesome boyfriend. we go to the show, i’m not really into it (not my type of music) but she has a great time so i’m happy. at one point she goes to show me something on her phone and for the quarter second it takes for the phone to unlock and her to open whatever she was showing me, i see Tinder installed. not wanting to cause trouble (me jokingly asking her if she was cheating while we were first together was the main catalyst to our first breakup, it wasn’t an accusation so much as what i thought would have her say “oh, ha ha, yes definitely” and move on) i ignored it. after all, i have quite a few apps on my phone i haven’t opened in ages.

after the show i start seeing more of the “she commented on this post” things pop up through Facebook, and it would always be her tagging some other guy in memes. me, being someone who loves memes, didn’t give it much thought at the time. then the memes started being less meme-y and more like things that people tag their S.O.’s in. naturally i grow suspicious but don’t have any concrete evidence that something’s going on. it was because i had no real evidence that i didn’t confront her. a few weeks/however long after the concert, i don’t exactly remember, i send her a message saying that i was concerned about her. not accusatory, nothing of the sort, it was me being concerned about someone who at the time i cared about a great deal. this was when she decided we needed to break up so she could “focus on getting herself help” for what i was assuming were suicidal thoughts.

why was i assuming suicidal thoughts? some time earlier she mentioned that she was in a bad place and that was why i went almost a week with no contact (again, i saw her sharing several posts and commenting back and forth with anyone/everyone who commented on them). i did ask her what was going on then but she didn’t want to talk about it and maybe a week or so later things were back to what could be called normal in this situation. the breakup message was her saying she needed to focus on herself, get her head straight, possibly commit herself to an institution because her thoughts were that troubling. once again, naïve me said “okay, good luck, hope you get what you need” and our relationship was finished. i will admit in that instant i was sad, it hit hard out of nowhere, but like the day after i was back to normal. after all, that whole “relationship” the majority of it was like i didn’t have a girlfriend and was just sending texts/snapchats off into the void, never to get answered. we would end up talking off and on after that on a platonic level only; things like the occasional “how are you doing”. i went back and forth for what felt like too long on whether or not to say something to her mom about what she told me. eventually i decided that i would want someone to say something if it were me talking about potentially committing myself and i sent a very politely worded message to her mom. i got one back saying how she had no idea and would be talking to my ex about it. during one of the last times we talked she told me that it was a shitty thing of me to do and of course after hearing this i felt like an giant asshole for saying anything in the first place. (which yes, it might have been wrong but at the time i did still care about her - even though we weren’t together - and didn’t want anything to happen)

finally, i see through Facebook that she’s in a relationship again. i wouldn’t have thought too much about it if it wasn’t the guy she had been tagging in memes all those months ago. it finally hits me like a goddamn freight train: my suspicions were right. i had been getting blown off because i was being cheated on. it hurt all the much worse because, like i mentioned earlier, i had been scrolling through Facebook and seeing all these memes she was tagging the d-bag in and then the relationship status change. both of these were things that she NEVER did while we were “together”; in fact i felt like i was being kept a secret the whole time. if anyone in our “relationship” was tagging anyone in memes, i was the one tagging her. i hardly ever got so much as a like, and if i got a comment on them it was a cause for celebration. with this other guy, though, there would be comment threads and mutual tagging, pretty much like every other relationship i know of. it was just my luck that i was in the restroom at work absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook like any other night when i saw the relationship status change because i still remember how i froze up when i saw it. eventually i  got the strength back to get up (my legs had since gone numb, that’s how long i had been sitting there), quickly finish the rest of my tasks, and go home to be alone.

i didn’t delete her immediately because i was trying to get the strength up to call her out on her bullshit (for those who don’t know i’m someone who HATES confrontation of any kind: being involved in it, hearing it, anything). i do eventually delete her without saying anything about what happened; but i don’t just unfriend her. i go through all forms of social media and scrub every trace of her out of them. Instagram pics, mentioned Tweets and Facebook posts, she was completely wiped out of and unfriended/unfollowed everywhere.

some time later i get a Facebook friend request from her. i leave it unresponded and move on. some months later, i get another one and because i have a small bunch of them to respond to from people i met at a meet & greet, i unintentionally add her back. i start seeing posts from her in my feed and realize what happened. this gets me upset again and i send a poorly worded message demanding to know why she added me, turns out it’s because she “wanted to know how i was doing”. if she clearly didn’t care before, why would she now? i leave her on read (have to admit, it felt good doing that after it had been done to me so many times) and close the conversation. i did apologize later because i believe that even though i had been done so wrong i didn’t need to stoop to her level. my apology gets more or less shrugged off, and that was the last contact i’ve had with her other than sharing memes that she’s shared herself.

now, it should be noted that she does deal with some form of depression/anxiety issues, because the few times i was at her place i saw the pill bottles. this much i can confirm. what i CAN’T confirm is how much she was using these problems as an excuse. while we were “together” it felt like she was constantly under this dark cloud and that’s why i was getting ignored, but now after the pieces have more or less been put together a lot of those times it was definitely just an excuse not to have any contact with me. and before anyone reads this (if they’ve even read down this far) and slams me in the comments, i deal with occasional waves of depression myself. but, unlike her, i actually talk to people even when all i want to do is curl up in my bed and drink myself into a coma (yes, that is something i’ve thought about doing sometimes. i’ve also had several bouts of intrusive thoughts over my life, and briefly considered self-harming). i felt sick the entire time i was typing this, but at the same time i feel relieved that i’ve finally put this out somewhere - even if nobody will read it. if you did read it, props to you because this was one massive wall of text. and to her - she knows who she is, so i still will not be naming names - if you read this, i (now to you) obviously know what you did and i hope you know that karma will catch up to you. however, as the title says i have forgiven you for my own sake. it's undoubtedly healthier for me than keeping all this hate and negativity bottled up any longer.

[tmiquotepage]

I think I’m going to start dialing back all the fandom aspects of my life. At least some of them. People are just so toxic and I don’t need this negativity in my life anymore. It would be great if people just let other people enjoy things, but everyone wants to find fault and things to bitch about everywhere they look, and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m a generally positive person and I tend to unfortunately be the unpopular opinion in a crowd of stans. I tend to like and support the things I’m not supposed to like and support, but I’m tired of pretending I don’t like people/don’t like stories/don’t like certain aspects of a fandom/like things I really don’t like just because everyone else says I’m supposed to.

-I loved the Vampire Academy movie, and I liked the casting and adaptation style just fine. I didn’t make the webseries because I didn’t like it. I made the webseries because I loved it and wished it had continued. I saw it twice in theatres, and watch it whenever I need something to laugh with. -I think book purists are everything wrong with making a book to movie adaptation (and in fandoms, tbh). Like, if a change is for the better, it’s for the better. Sorry. Likewise, though, I think a content creator’s intent should always be respected, and they should be party to the changes made in adaptations, so long as they aren’t overstepping their bounds by demanding something be kept that clearly does not work logistically on the screen. -I love Shadowhunters and their adaptation style. I love the cast. The writing could be better, but I think every episode is getting better. -I love and respect female content creators for surviving and creating their stories they did regardless of my personal beliefs on them as a person. We don’t choose our parents, and good characters don’t choose their creators. Shitty people can write good things, and good people can write shitty things. Don’t rag on people who enjoy good things written by shitty people, and likewise don’t rag on people who enjoy not-so-good things written by decent people. Let people enjoy things. -I love Malec,and I think they’re represented just fine in the Shadowhunters show. I know they aren’t the main characters, so they shouldn’t be the center of attention. I think they get a completely reasonable (maybe even more than is reasonable) amount of screentime. -I definitely don’t like literally any of the ships in Riverdale. I think making Jughead sexually driven at all was a mistake, and I think ace/aro kids had such an opportunity with him that they lost when he started dating, and a couple of the other ships feel random and have no chemistry in my opinion. They also seem to distract from the solid platform that is the script & series arc. Other than that, I love the show and think it’s a breath of fresh air in teen TV. -No, I don’t think authors are problematic for not having a shit ton of explicitly gay/PoC characters in their books, and I am really tired of them having to double back in later books to say that a main character is gay/dark skinned or some shit just because stans slammed their FANTASY STORY ABOUT FAE AND ELVES AND SHIT, their baby that they’ve been developing probably longer than you’ve been in fucking school, as not having enough diversity because, get the fuck out. That’s fake representation anyway. It doesn’t count when someone holds a gun to their head and demands they change what they created. We should be fighting for real fucking diversity. Real ace/aro characters, real PoC characters. Not added lines of action that suddenly take an originally straight character and make him/her gay or bi. Our stories. Our lives. Things that people actually want to write. Forcing people to represent us, no matter the cost to them or what they want for the work they’ve created, is shitty, and I don’t fucking care who you are. Yes, we need more god damned representation. Yes, all industries need it. And yes, it’s slowly edging on getting better. But this is not how we fucking do it, okay? Jesus. -That being said, I’m a firm supporter of feminism, LGBT+ rights, as well as the Black Lives Matter movement. When I write scripts, and when I’m reading them for my job, I always look for strong female leads, strong black women, and strong ace/aro women, and generally all three at the same time get huge marks for me. If a story is unique and has great opportunities for progression in the film industry to hire Asian actors (grossly underrepresented) or any other on-screen minorities, I am instantly intrigued, and often more inclined to pass the script on to my producer boss. -Yes, I believe you can read a kindle or a physical book and still get the exact same reading experience -No, I don’t think reading a popular book first/before it becomes popular/before it becomes a movie makes you any more/better of a fan than anyone else, and yes I will think you are an asshole if you are one of those “just wait for the movie fans who know nothing. Ugh.” people. -No, I don’t think you ever have a right to send non-constructive criticism/hate mail/rude messages to authors, or to ever treat any author/celebrity as anything less than a human just like me and you because, ya know, that’s what they fucking are. -No, I don’t think being a fan from the beginning means the creator owes you fucking jack shit because it’s their show/book, not yours. You don’t know it like they do, so stop being dicks about it. -People in film? Yeah, we’re human too. Those show writers? Real people. People doing a job. People working hard as fuck to bring that show/book to you. Fucking respect them, because they wouldn’t be here for the most part if they didn’t care about the project. -Donald Trump is a dick, and I generally don’t side with the GOP on anything, but I will never condone death threats or attacks on their lives. They are also fucking people. Sick and twisted people, sure, but we can’t start murdering them. -Life is not fucking fair. Neither is fandom life. Neither is being a woman or a minority of any kind. Fight the people who tell you these things mean it’s not worth trying in this life. Know what you bring to the table, know your worth, and fucking demand it from everyone you encounter. That’s what I’ve started doing and my life is looking 500% better than it did this time a month ago. -Lastly, if anyone ever interrupts you where you know they wouldn’t if you were a man/white/straight, etc, stare them in the fucking eye and speak over them to tell them “I am still talking. You’re time to speak will come.” And then carry on.

So yeah. Unfollow me if you want. Any obnoxious asks/messages/reblogs/comments are just going to be deleted. I’m cutting fandom negativity (and general negativity) out of my life because I’m too young to have this much anxiety caused by cowardly and just straight up rude people my age on tumblr dot com. #StopBeingAssholes2k17 #LetPeopleLive2k17 #RespectFuckingContentCreatorsandTheirVisions2k17

[ava-the-ace]

I was tagged by the lovely @apollosukulele so let’s do this!!

Rules: Tag nine people you want to get to know better (i probably won’t tag nine sorry)

Questions:

What’s your age? I turn 18 in two-three days actually! (on January 18th, my golden birthday :)

What’s your current job? Besides some paying gigs, I don't have a steady job. No time between school and musical (cough cough frickin anxiety cough cough) and no car.

What are you talented at? Maybe I'm a talented singer and writer. Time will tell; I've still got a lifetime ahead of me to grow and develop my craft.

What is a big goal you are working toward (or have already achieved)? I'm working towards either my first EP or album titled Celestial (pending title). I'm leaning more towards album because I have enough songs for a full-length. I'd like to finish writing a novel someday. I did a few years ago, but once I took it down from Miss Literati, I realized it was absolute crap. I've been revising it ever since.

What’s your aesthetic? I used to be a huge pastel person (still kind of am), but I think I'm headed towards cozy hipster.

Do you collect anything? Flower crowns? Guitar picks?? Way too many instruments??? Idk man, I'm a music hoarder. I have over 40 CD's, half of them I don't even listen to anymore.

What's a topic you always talk about? Lately, I've been talking nonstop about Yuri!!! On Ice, Check Please, Voltron: Legendary Defenders, and Killing Stalking (no no no pls don't unfollow me). However, I always--without fail--talk about music, coffee, and how tired I am.

What's a pet peeve of yours? Comparing injustices. Y'all, we can't become divided in the face of adversity! If we want to change the injustice, we have to stand up to the problem together!

Good advice To give? Find your passion, and make it your home. Seriously, if you're losing yourself, you can always come back to that passion. Also, listen to the music you like!! Don't feel ashamed of your taste in music!!

What Are Three Songs You’d Recommend? 1) Thread (The One AM Radio Remix) - Now, Now 2) To Hell With It - Ava Easter (cheeky plug ayyyy) 3) I Wanna Know - Alesso, Nico & Vinz (I know it's pop but it's such a happy tune and I can't help singing it everywhere I go)

I tag: @cockyhowell, @kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd, @miraculous--phan, @miraculous-yuriphan, @goddess505, and whoever else would like to do this! :)

[sarahburness]

How to Start Liking Your Body More (Just as It Is)

“Body love is more than acceptance of self or the acceptance of the body. Body love is about self-worth in general. It’s more than our physical appearance.” ~Mary Lambert

This past week, I got married.

For me, this symbolized not only a new chapter in my life with a partner, but also a new chapter in life with myself.

Here, in this new chapter, I officially left behind the woman who was constantly trying to mold herself into whatever she needed to be to (hopefully) be accepted and loved by a partner.

And instead, I found the woman who was unapologetically herself and loved for it. In fact, that’s what ironically got her to this point in the first place.

And I left the girl who used to get by on a diet full of grapes, lettuce, and coffee. Who thought the thinner she was, the more worthy she was.

This sad, hungry girl was replaced by a woman who didn’t think twice about losing an ounce to fit into a white dress, and who embraced her curves, thighs, cellulite, wrinkles, and all that goes along with the celebration (yes, celebration) of aging.

My twenty-something self would be amazed.

To be honest, my thirty-something self is amazed.

If you had told me how I’d feel about my body and myself today, even ten years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you.

And that realization got me sitting here, reflecting, thinking, “Wow, what a journey.”

How did I get to this radical place of self-acceptance?

While it’s difficult to pinpoint any particular moment that landed me here (because there isn’t any one moment), there are certain things that pop up that I distinctly remember that allowed me to begin liking my body (and myself) more.

That allowed me to stop obsessively counting calories and to start actually enjoying food.

That allowed me to trade frantically exercising for mindfully moving (and connecting with) my body.

That allowed me to swap feeling shame about my thighs for gratitude that I have thighs.

Here are a few of those things that allowed me to start learning how to like my body more. I hope they help you just as much as they helped me.

1. Get clear on how you want to feel in your body and why that’s important to you.

First thing first, you need to know how you want to feel in your body.

Because you can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t know where that is.

So make the time, grab a pen and journal, find a quiet calm space, and ask yourself, “How do I want to feel in my body?”

Or, if it’s easier, ask yourself, “In my ideal world, where I am kind to myself, what would my relationship with my body look like?”

Write your answers out.

When you have your answers, ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?”

Know that you may need to ask yourself “why” five to seven times and really dig deep to uncover the core reason changing your relationship with your body is important to you. Just continue asking “why” until you feel your heart is speaking instead of your head.

You’ll need this reason to understand yourself more and to reflect upon when you feel frustrated and like you want to throw in the towel, because you will have those moments. But when you remember your WHY, you’ll rekindle your connection to being kinder to your body and yourself.

For me, my “why” centered on the fact that I couldn’t imagine going through my entire life at war with my body. I just couldn’t. I wanted to feel confident and free in my body, not shameful and controlled.

It took time and daily work to get to a new place, but my “why” and my vision of where I wanted to go was so strong I continued showing up.

You can do this too.

2. Flex your gratitude muscle.

One of the most interesting tools I used to like my body more was gratitude. Today, you see this word everywhere, but there’s a huge difference in seeing it all over social media and online mediums versus putting it to use.

When I began making the shift to what my body allowed me to do versus what my body didn’t look like, I was amazed.

I slowly began forming this new perspective that my body was a gift and a vehicle that allowed me to move through life. And it was my job to nurture it, take care of it, and stop being so mean to it.

What happened is that I became appreciative. I appreciated that I had thighs to hike, that even though I had cellulite, I could run a half marathon or participate in a yoga class. And it was through this viewpoint that I also came to like who I was as a person more.

I appreciated that I was open to growth, that I was compassionate, and that I had the ability to inspire others. Ironically, I found that I was more than just a body.

And so are you.

You’ll be able to see this if every day, you bullet point one or more things that you are truly grateful for or appreciate about yourself.

I promise that practicing gratitude is popular for a reason—it works.

3. Surround yourself with healthy bodies.

A huge part of my journey was surrounding myself with healthy bodies, all sorts of shapes and sizes, online and offline.

Because what can so easily happen is that we end up comparing ourselves to ideals that aren’t even real or that aren’t physiologically possible for us because they’re simply not the intended shape of our bodies.

For example, I used to be obsessed with model-type thighs. And then one day, it hit me. Those thin, “leggy” model-type thighs are not a part of my body shape. No matter how much I exercise or how little I eat, my body will never go there.

And it was through this realization that I began paying attention to all types of bodies—smaller bodies, bigger bodies, in-between bodies—and I found that there are no better types of bodies; they’re just all bodies. And it’s how we treat them that matters.

So if you’re struggling here, I highly recommend unfollowing social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body. And, if you haven’t, find a place to move your body where you feel comfortable and accepted. Because if you don’t feel comfortable in your body or accepted, you won’t want to go there to exercise and movement is such a huge part in connecting with your body in mind, soul, and spirit.

4. Connect and acknowledge your underlying fears.

Acknowledging and understanding your underlying fears when it comes to your body is so huge. Those fears hold answers. But so many times, we’re taught to simply brush them under the rug and try to fit in and look like everybody else.

But what if you allowed yourself to dig into your fears?

To understand what you’re actually worried about.

And then to dig deep and question if that fear is an actual truth or if it’s something that is truly just a fear?

For me, when I allowed myself to examine my body fears, I found that I was afraid of not being accepted, of not being the way a woman was supposed to look.

You see, as a little kid, I was always teased or left out because I was on the chunky side. I wasn’t one of the popular girls. When I realized that I could overexercise and undereat to become thinner, and that I looked more like how the girls in the magazines and the popular girls looked, that’s what I did.

My deep underlying fear was not being accepted; it actually wasn’t about my body size.

I internalized this and then realized that the key people in my life didn’t care about my body size (in fact, they were concerned by my shrinking size and misery). Rather, they cared about who I was as a human being.

In other words, they accepted me for what was beneath my skin.

So my fear that if I weren’t a certain size, I wouldn’t be accepted was just that—it was a fear. There wasn’t truth behind it.

Wrapping my mind around this was revolutionary (and it still is).

You can begin to connect and break through your fears too by first playing with the idea that you may have body fears. And then get curious and see what comes up for you. If fears come up, examine them and allow yourself time to question if they’re true or just a fear.

5. Focus on actions that make you feel good in your skin.

Releasing the need to lose weight or look a certain way and instead focusing on doing things that make you feel confident and good in your body is a game-changer. When you do this, your body will come to its natural state of being, no question.

And trust me, I know this is so much harder than it sounds, but by really showing up and experimenting in your life and then keeping what works well for you and leaving behind what doesn’t, you will naturally like your body more.

Simply because you’ll feel more “at home” in it.

For example, when I first started down my body acceptance path, I realized I actually really disliked spending two hours a day in the gym. It made me feel worse about my body. So I experimented with walking and strength training and discovered I loved it.

Later, I’d discover yoga and go on to become a yoga teacher.

Yoga, during my body hate days, was something I said I’d never ever do.

Today, I love it.

You never know what you’ll find when you let go of the outcome and follow what feels right.

I also discovered that I actually loved cooking healthy, nutritious meals with lots of veggies and tasty food. Before, I only allowed myself bars and wraps where I knew the exact calorie amount.

You see, when I started truly allowing myself to let go and to experiment with enjoying food, moving my body in ways that felt good, and talking to myself kindly and coming at my body with gratitude instead of hate, something miraculous happened.

I learned how to not only accept but my body, but to like my body.

And I know that when you focus on actions that make you feel confident in your body, you’ll begin to like your body more too.

About Corinne Dobbas

Corinne Dobbas, MS, RD is a Registered Dietitian, Wellness Coach, and yogi (in training) with a Masters in Nutrition. Corinne helps kind, caring, compassionate women develop a healthy positive relationship with food, their body, and themselves. Specifically, Corinne helps women get MORE. More life. More laughter. More friendships. More health. More happiness. More self-love. More self-acceptance. Visit her at CorinneDobbas.com.

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The post How to Start Liking Your Body More (Just as It Is) appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-start-liking-your-body-more-just-as-it-is/

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