#they'd be so fucking funny as detectives

[cider-est]

POV: You're being interrogated by 2 amateur detectives and they know you're full of shit.

REMINDER DO NOT REPOST

[romeosharpae]

“SAVE YOUR TEARS”

theodore nott x reader

content warning : extremely toxic relationship, cursing, public sex, mature language, explicit adult content, rough sex?, degrading, theodore nott x female reader, oral (f receiving), toxic! theodore nott.

parts : 1,2,

You're sure that if you were to ask anyone with common sense what they thought about you and Theodore Nott's relationship, they'd say it should be against Wizarding law.

"I don't want to talk!" You reprimanded, folding your arms over your chest with a huff. Theodore Nott simply rolled his dead-like blue eyes at your enraged lie.

Looking up at him, you could've sworn a twisted smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "C'mon baby, you're hurting my feelings." He mocked your soft voice.

"You don't have feelings." You mumbled, frustration growing in your voice. Theodore lowly chuckled, leaning his face down to kiss you but you turn away. "Get off of me, Nott, I need to go to Transfiguration."

Theo wrapped a veiny hand around your forearm when you tried to push past him, pulling you back to the stone wall. This time Theodore placed both his hands aside your head, trapping you between him and the wall. From the look on his pale face, you could tell that he knew you were still upset.

But how could you not be?

"Go back to wherever you were last--" Theodore scoffed loudly, drowning out the seething words leaving your lips.

"Are you kidding me?" He snapped. Even though you hated when he used that tone towards you, you weren't to back down. No, you were not about to apologize to Theodore and end up on your knees seconds later just to stop his yelling this time around.

"Funny. Those are the same exact words I repeated last night as I waited around thirty minutes for you." You shot back.  "You know, Theodore.. I really do hate y--"

"Watch your mouth." He warned.

"What's her name, huh?" You continued. Theodore's jaw clenched from anger. He can handle every insult you threw his way, but Theodore really hated when you accused him of being with someone else. "Is it Greengrass? She didn't learn from the last time I dragged her by her root--?!"

You recalled the last time one of Theodore's hook-ups confronted you, and the amount of Slytherin's it took to get you off of her. As previously said before, you were a sweet girl, but the side of you that Theodore brought out, wasn't as friendly or sweet..

"Shut up, you're not even that type of girl." Oddly enough, Theodore was right, you were not the type of a girl to threaten to physically hurt someone, especially over him. The more you thought about it, the more stupider that you sounded by saying that.

You were so stupid.

Had you not been stupid you wouldn't be in this predicament with the emotionless Slytherin brunette. You would've ran for this hills the moment he made it clear your relationship was just a friend-with-benefits dynamic, knowing you wanted more. Theodore knew you were stupid, so vulnerable, and he took advantage of that.

And that made your eyes began to well with tears, eyesight becoming blurred. Before you could even get the chance to control yourself, you began sobbing loudly. How could it even be possibly to hate someone yet love them as much as you do Theodore Nott?

Lucky for your image, everyone else was in class, or you would've looked like a complete maniac to the bystanders.

"Fuck..." Theodore deeply exhaled. The sobbing only became louder as he wrapped his arms around your figure, the heat from his body which was usually comforting seeming insufferable. "What's wrong..? What did I do?"

"Everything!"

You pushed yourself away from him, completely catching your lover off guard. During the years that you've known each other, never have you pushed him away. Even if he was the reasoning behind your distress, you still allowed him to comfort you.

"My best friend hates me!" You cried out, sadness easily detected in your tone. "She won't even talk to me!"

"Why would she hate you?"

Hate was complete exaggeration and you definitely knew that. Hermione Granger actually doesn't hate you. But you don't doubt for a moment she was extremely upset and disappointed with you; You, and everybody else could see the anger on her face when Theodore walked with you, hand-in-hand, inside the Great hall the morning following your rekindling at the Black lake.

"Umm, because I keep putting myself in the same unhealthy situation with you--" You said the obvious and your voice cracks.

Unhealthy situation (toxic).

Despite you being upset in the moment, you knew to avoid having Theodore's patience with you snapping, you shouldn't call it that.

He hated when you or outsiders would name your relationship that.. He claimed that although it had its flaws-way more than the common couple, it wasn't toxic.

But it was!

"Merlin." Theodore hissed, irritated. "Why does it matter what she thinks, Y/N?" Theo's continued rambles make you frown. "Granger and Weasley can not even admit they like each other--Why would she even care?"

"Because she's my friend!"

You could tell he wished she wasn't..

"Friends care about each other, Theodore. Unlike you and yours, me and Hermione are not just friends because it makes us look good." You started hypocritically, and a small frown spreads on the brunette's lips. "So of course she's not going to want me to be with someone who treats me like.. crap!"

You were telling the actual truth. The little patience that he had for you during your outburst has fully vanished as he grabbed the back of your neck, harshly forcing you to look into his dark blue eyes. "Don't say that, Y/N."And you could see the anger rising in his face although he had no right to be mad,

Hermione would tell you that the worse part about you and Theodore's situation was that you knew he disregarded your emotions yet you still went back. It ashamed you how Theodore had you wrapped around his finger. And you fully knew that a toxic relationship was bad enough, but it was even worse if both parties knew the reality of it.

And perhaps that's what led you sob even louder in the moment. Or why you wrapped your arms around Theodore, letting your emotions off into his chest. The brunette's hands slides up from your neck into the back of your head, rubbing you in comfort.

"Aren't the two of you suppose to be in class right now?" Flinch, who guarded the corridors questioned nastily.

If looks could kill, Flinch would be unresponsive on the ground from the way that Theodore turns to glare at him. You pulled away from him, despite the protest your body was giving you, and wiped your tears. There's Concern is written over the squibs face as he watched pull yourself together.

Your attempt to walk away and to Transfiguration fails against when Theodore repeated his earlier action by pulling you back to him. "Stop crying." Theodore's large hands cups your face, bringing you to meet him in a gentle yet powerful kiss.

Merlin, you really hated Theodore, just everything about him. But unfortunately for your sanity, you found yourself loving those same things undefinably.

Did Theodore Nott love you?

You found it sad that you knew the complicated answer to that overly question.  Yet here you were standing, knuckles practically forced between your lips, one leg pressed into the wooden bookshelf as Theodore ate you out like a starved man.

His tongue was roughly swirling against on your clitoris, annually sucking up the juices he earned from you. Your heart was beating rapidly, chest heaving up and down. And you didn't know weather this adrenaline rush was from the pleasure you were feeling or because you were in the schools library.. Or because on the other side of the bookcase was Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

A person who Theodore had just wrongly accused you of flirting with and wanting to fuck, and the other who probably wishes upon a well that you'd leave him alone. Clearly, the brunettes motives behind wanting to take you right here were clear. And had he not preformed a silencing charm on the two of you, your sure they would've heard your whining and his sucking, slurping, and curses. But a silencing charm wouldn't have stopped someone, anyone, from walking by and seeing the two of you in this obscene state, and that makes you throb, lowly moaning.

"Theo--" You sob.

Theodore growled against your wet flesh, bringing your body closer to him by the hand that he had on your waist. "You want more?"

Despite it being so sick, you nod.

And you knew the sickness behind this situation was what caused that large smile to smile across his full pink lips. He pushed your leg further back into the bookshelf, allowing himself more access before burying his face in-between your thighs once again.

You were absolutely terrified of what would happen had somebody saw you like this, vaginal area on display as the same boy you'd just been fighting with in the courtyard made a embarrassing mess out of you, the rumors that would be spread about you would tarnish your reputation for sure.

You squeeze your eyes shut, butting down further on your knuckles as you roll yourself against his pleasuring tongue.

You could feel your release approaching, probably only one tongue swipe away from getting it out of you. But Theodore ripped his mouth away from you, like you did not deserve your release, and it's gone with the wind. He was such a tease, and you really hated that. Theodore slapped your hand away when you tried to pull his head back between your thighs. Theodore stands to his feet, towering over your height like a tree as usual, and you watched as his fingers frantically went to unbuckle his belt. The desperation clear, the burning fire, behind his eyes as he started at you lets you know that Theodore Nott was seriously about to fuck you until were completely incoherent.

Harshly, Theodore manhandled you around until your back was facing him. Now, your chest was pushed up against the cold bookshelf and due to a few missing books, you could currently see both Hermione and Harry sitting down at a table, studying. Had one of them looked up and stared in your direction, your sure they'd see your face. This makes you hiss out, wanting to look away but Theodore roughly grabbed your jaw, keeping you in place before you could even get the chance.

"Hold it," He breathed out, and without a second thought you scrunched up the plaid school skirt you wore in your hands. Your breath hiked, "'He's no good for you, Y/L/N'" Theodore gritted in your ear, mocking your best friend. Before you could defend her honor, you felt him buried deep inside of you.

"Why don't you fuck my other best friend instead?" Your body knocked into the bookshelf at every hard thrust he gave you. From the way Theodore had you stretched around him your jaw drops, a strangled moan escaping from it loudly. "But you'd like that wouldn't you? He's what you want?"

You would admit that Harry Potter was an attractive boy. He was nice to you, always offered to help you with things, or walk you back to your house after class. And to say that you never thought he liked you would be a lie. But why would you want anything to do with Harry when you had Theodore?

Your eyes squeezed shut. At your lack of response to his question, Theodore pounds into you painfully harder, no doubt realizing that you are actually thinking about the question. "But I'm what you need, Y/N. He can't ever do the things that I do to you, remember that." You whine like a neglected infant at that, for more perhaps?

You stand up on you are tipped toes, attempting to brush an little bit of the pleasuring pain you were feeling but Theodore wasn't going for it. He wrapped his hand around your throat, forcing your back to his chest, whispering harshly in your ear, "Stop running, Take it."

Your pull your lower lip between teeth, attempting to stop yourself from screaming as you finally came undone. Tears began to fall from your glistening eyes, landing on the white button up blouse that were wearing.

Theodore ruts himself into you even harder, holding you in place by your throat to get himself off and nearly cutting off your airway. Although you didn't entirely mind.

As previously said, you enjoyed everything Theodore Nott had to offer you, even the not exactly mentally sane stuff. Theodore finally pulled himself out of you, and you were that he was about to finish. That was until he spun your around to face him, placed his hands underneath your kneecap, and hauled you up. Without even having to be asked,  you wrapped your legs around his waist.

You also took Theodore's lips into yours without having to be asked. Your trembling hands catered his face, tongue sliding over his in an extremely sloppy manner.

But the kiss was disconnected, your teeth baring with a hiss when he slips back in you. Theodore was pace was different this position, a lot more slower and deep, almost meaningful. "You think he'll still like you if he saw us?" He challenged, panting heavily.

"You wouldn't even care, would you?" He chuckled, giving you a smile that displays all his pretty pearly white teeth. "Because I'm all you need, right?"

You nodded your head, agreeing.

"Merlin Nott, you're such asshole!"

You had not even realized that you were crying.. not until you felt Pansy Parkinson hands brush against your cheeks. Her other hand was on your back, attempting to soothe you but it was failing to work.

Theodore looked at you with dead eyes. Yet even then you could see the amusement behind them, almost taunting you. And that made you that much angrier. You picked up an object from the table, launching at the brunette. "I...I hate you! S-So much!"

Theodore dodged it, the same way he does every time you tried throwing something at him while arguing. "Crazy little bi--"

Crazy?

Truthfully, you were in disbelief at the word that just escaped Theo's mouth. How dare he have the nerve to say you were behaving crazy? How dare he? Not when Theodore just basically called you clingy and told you to fuck off in front of his friends.

The embarrassment hurt just as bad as any other time he denied your relationship in and out closed doors. How could he just call things off whenever he felt like it? And you realize that you gave him that confidence by crawling back each time he did.

You're the reason that Theodore felt so comfortable treating you like something off the bottom of his shoe whenever he felt like it. And who was to say that that would change if there was a label on your situation?

"Why do you keep doing this to me?!" You spoke to him and his jaw clenched. "Merlin What did I do to deserve this?" You cried more to yourself this time.

Ever since you welcomed Theodore back in your life at the Black Lake, you have found your self crying so much more. Why did you have to love someone so nonchalant? So evil Why couldn't you love someone like Harry.. or even Draco Malfoy would be better.

Anything was better than someone that was selfish like Theodore Nott. You have dug yourself into this to insane misalliance because you have allowed him to be so selfish with your love that he didn't even deserve.

“Y--You don’t even deserve me...” You admitted said to him, sniffling. “So hey Nott, fuck you.” You wanted to launch something else at Theodore, shout, cry some more but that was the reaction that he wants from you. “Fuck you, Theodore Nott!” His jaw clenched at those words, expression twisting.

He wanted to see you insane at his hands, break yourself until you had other choice but to come to him comfort.

You snatched yourself out of Pasny’s grip, Theodore wore an expression that you couldn’t quite read because it’s so unfamiliar. Regret? Confusion? You couldn’t tell.

And for that you could not contain yourself from throwing a pillow at him. “You will never find someone better than me!”

You both knew that.

Then you breathlessly laughed, “And that’s disappointing because you’ll never ever have me again, Theodore Nott.”

Part four >>>

[needlepokes]

how to write a diabetic character: CGM edition

is your diabetic character wearing a CGM? do they have to? CGMs these are Continous Glucose Monitors that can detect how much sugar is in your bloodstream.

How are they different than tradtional fingerprick (blood) tests? they take blood sugar readings 24/7, and provide you with how your sugars are doing at all times, rather than just at that moment. This leads to tremendously better control over blood sugar.

The way they work is that they can "sample" your blood sugar by testing your subcutaneous tissue for sugar levels then adjusting that value.

However, they're less accurate than a fingerprick (blood) reading and will often "lag" behind by about 15 minutes.

SO if you have a character who is expereincing low or high blood sugar - they'd get an alarm on their CGM, and then they might take a fingerprick reading to make sure. CGM false alarms DO exist and it can cause some very annoying situations.

A less careful/depressed/struggling/burnt out character might A. not care or "sleep through" alarms B. not double check with a finger prick C. not care that they're wearing a CGM - pump into stuff or just rip it off (although they are very expensive!).

can you mute them? yes, and a character might choose to do this while they're sleeping, having an exam, or if they know they're about to fuck up their blood sugar.

how long do they last? the libre ones last 14 days. the dexcom ones last up to 10 days.

can you shower with them? yes

can you swim with them? yes

can you have sex with them on? yes, and i've read very funny anecdotes from diabetics having to pause during sex because their cgm was beeping

are they expensive? yes! sometimes, they're covered by insurance, but not completely. If a character is in poverty, or do not have insurance, they likely would have to rely solely on fingerpricks.

Who usually uses CGMs? they are very widespread between T1Ds and are increasingly being used by T2Ds as well.

can you share the readings on multiple devices? yes! your character might share their info with their SO, parents, roommates, close friends...etc. It is genuienly one of the most telling signs of a close relationship between people - because those people will see your "mistakes" and decisions.

where do you stick them? the libre ones (circular ones) officially just go on the back of your arm. The dexcom ones can go on just about anywhere that's "soft" - stomach, thighs, back of arm, chest...etc.

does putting them on hurt? sometimes! the way they are installed involves a needle going into the skin then sitting in the subcutaneous tissue. This can sometimes cause some bleeding, and soreness for a few hours.

Often times the process is completely painless, but this is not the case for everyone. A thinner character might struggle to find a place "cushy" enough for a cgm.

can you put them on your own? yes the process is made for one person to stick it on, but i've seen some couples on instagram act all romantic and sappy about applying it together, so that should give you some ideas for your diabetic characters' budding romances ;)

Some CGMs are just naturally faulty, i'd say about 4 sensors is a busted one, and in that case you'll have to replace them - which most companies just do without any hassle.

do they work with insulin pumps? some insulin pumps can work in tangent with CGMs and provide feedback for the user to automatically generate the correct doses of insulin, depending on their current blood sugar.

do they come off easily? depends on who you're asking. some people swear up and down that they never last and have to put on patches, which are admittedly very cute. Weather, clothing, and how clumsy a character is all factor in this. For me personally i just put them on raw and keep them together by sheer willpower.

CGMs can cause anxiety in diabetics. The constant flow of information can easily burnout people, and this can possibly be the case for any diabetic character you might write. Seeing arrows going down or up can be very distressing, especially knowing how painful some of the consequences are. I personally take breaks for both myself and my wallet from using CGMs to avoid burn out.

nonetheless, CGMs are WONDERFUL pieces of technology that have personally made me much happier as a diabetic, freer and a lot more independent.

does your character want their CGM to show? lots of people, including myself don't like revealing their CGMs - but your character might like showing them off!

and lastly - my favorite thing about CGMs - taking them off and having a "naked" shower once a month where i dont have to worry about it coming off. - They look like this:

[iambicpentameterhamster]

Every umbrella academy character ranked (seasons 1-4)

After that shitshow of a fourth season, i felt it necessary to redo this.

#36 -The Sparrows (Jayme, Alphonso, Fae etc.)

The show had no clue what to do with these characters. They sit around being evil for a little while only to promptly die within four episodes. Also one of them is a fucking cube?!? Whats up with that?

#35 - Sloane

How come she disappears in season 4 but not sparrow Ben? So much of this makes no sense.

#34 -Sparrow Ben

I hate this character with my whole being. He goes around calling people emo as if HE DOESNT WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH A SCOWL ON HIS STUPID FACE AND EMO HAIR ON HIS STUPID FOREHEAD. He's so rude and awful and i'm given no reason by the show to give a shit where he ends up.

#33 -Carl Cooper

This one speaks for itself.

#32 -Reggie's wife

The two of them annoyed me so much.

#31 -Viktor

Moochy emo sod. Elliott Page's acting got progressively worse throughout the series (and i like Elliott Page, but this wasnt his best work.)- season 1 Vanya was tolerable, beyond that i couldn't stand this character. All his jokes land flat and he has the charisma of a piece of cardboard.

#30 -Season 4 Five

For the sake of this ranking, i am treating seasons 1-3 Five and season 4 Five as seperate characters. Seems like the writers were doing the same. What the fuck, guys? How do you bulldoze a character this badly?

Season 4 Five was unfunny, selfish, cowardly, and most of all on a different plane of being from the Five we all knew and loved. Screw you, season 4 Five, you're not canon.

#29 -Season 4 Lila

I'm treating Lila the same way. Season 4 Lila was an injustice to seasons 2-3 Lila.

#28 -Harlan

Couldn't care less about him. He represents to me when the umbrella academy started going to shit in season 3.

#27 -Jennifer

Again, we are given no reason to care about her.

#26 -Pogo

He was just there for the exposition. They never explained why Reggie was doing experiments on monkeys??

#25 -Reggie

He was quite a good villain but i still hate him. Really goofy at times, too.

#24 -Jean and Gene

They were quite good actually. If season 4 wasn't a dumpster fire, i reckon they'd have been able to really shine.

#23 -Cha Cha

This is getting into better territory. I liked Cha Cha, she was badass, but not well developed.

#22 -Detective Patch

Again, i liked her, but she wasn't given much time to develop as a character.

#21 -The Swedes

They were funny, whimsical villains that were fun to watch on screen. Funny and whimsical are two adjectives that TUA used to embody.

#20 -Elliott

My guy just wanted to eat fish and be a conspiracy theorist 😔

#19 -Sissy

Welcome back, Sheldon's mum.

In all seriousness, she was well acted despite Viktor's actor giving her nothing to work with, so props to her.

#18 -Dave

WE GOT ZERO MENTIONS OF DAVE IN SEASONS 3-4?!? DESPITE HIM BEING A HUGE PART OF KLAUS'S CHARACTER?!?! WHEN I CATCH YOU WRITERS-

#17 -Destiny's children

I am in fact an active member

#16 -Luther

I have bumped Luther up my list because in seasons 3-4 he sort of embraces his goofiness, but in seasons 1-2 he is an insufferable, incestuous moron. He is up here for good character development and i wished he could have ended up with Sloane.

#15 -Agnes

She was really cute and sweet, i liked her a lot. RIP season 1, you were peak.

#14 -Herb and Dot

They were sweet and funny too, and i miss the whole idea of the time commission.

#13 -Kenny's mum

An honourable mention

#12 -Grace

Grace was super well performed and poignant. I have no issues with Grace.

#11 -Stan

Live, laugh, love Stan. I hate that the trauma of losing him was never mentioned in season 4 for Diego or Lila.

My top 10

#10 -Lenoard Peabody/ Harold Jenkins

I stand by him being one of the best-acted and most cleverly written villains of all time. He is not only a well-executed surprise villain, but a scarily accurate one, and the actor plays him to perfection. We even start to like him before the cracks show. Also he looks like a creepy version of Lin Manuel Miranda.

#9 -Ray

Season 4 did Ray DIRTY. It was completely out of character for him to just walk out. They could have at least have him die in a tragic accident or something. Season 2 Ray is the perfect, most charismatic, ideal man and i hold him in my heart forever and in my head Alison and Ray ended up together.

#8 -Hazel

He had one of the best arcs on the show, period. Continues to represent everything good about the first two seasons of TUA. He was flawed, he was human, he was loveable.

#7 -Umbrella Ben

He seemed like he could have been a brilliant character with more screen time. His sacrifice in season 2 was a genuinely moving moment. The backstreet boys moment is SO FUNNY and his and Klaus's dynamic is something i really miss.

#6 -The Handler

We don't appreciate The Handler enough. The show started rolling downhill as soon as The Handler was gone. She was the glue that held the show together, one of the best villains/antagonists in TV history.

#5 -Allison

Yes, season 3 Allison made some stupid choices and did some terrible things, but a lot of it came from grief and she redeemed herself in season 4 imo. Seasons 1-2 Allison was one of the most charismatic, endearing and empathetic characters on the show.

#4 -Seasons 1-2 Lila

I love you. I miss you. Come back to me.

#3 -Diego

Bumped up the list for being a CONSISTENTLY good character who is flawdd but still extremely loveable and hilarious.

#2 -Seasons 1-3 Five

Seasons 1-3 Five would shoot season 4 Five in the face. He is the daddy here, and season 4 Five is the creepy uncle.

Original Five is a masterfully crafted, hilarious, unique, intelligent character and i will not let season 4 ruin it for me.

#1 -Klaus

This needs no justification.

What do you think? How far do you agree?

[himbo-in-limbo]

Fnaf SB oc saves Bonnie AU!

I hate when I've finally got a good idea to draw that's when my I pad decides to die 😭

(I will be adding more to this) but AUGH this au's been stuck in my head for a good bit!

I just think it'd be funny if at the same time with the events of Gregory or something that my oc Sunny would have gotten the information they've been waiting for to know that their buddy Bonnie was still somewhere at the pizzaplex!

So like a crazy person they would sneak into the megaplex and search for Bonnie! (Like if they had their own dlc it'd be like a detective case figuring out what happened to Bonnie n where his body is)

They left the company a couple years back but was never at peace with what the company has told them about Bonnie being "decommissioned" and whatnot. So they would take matters into their own hands and just find Bonnie themselves!

The reason why they'd go through such dangerous lengths (I'd imagine you'd see memories of their friendship) is because they were best buddy's when sunny used to work as his beauty technician! (My own made up job) so after the whole ordeal of finally finding the place where Bonnie is at my feel good happy ending is that after a bit of fixing he'd be responsive and sunny takes him outta the pizzaplex to properly fix him 🥹♥️ and it'd be more funny if when they make the ending scene of them making their escape that's when Gregory and Freddy's head also make it out at the same time so you just have two people with the animatronics in pieces for a big "what the fuck" moment...

And then they all go home together n make a super odd family! Wacky and wholesome...

Freddy n Bonnie's very odd reunion but they'll have plenty of time to catch up 😭

[isa-ghost]

Phil and bagi hcs?

YOU HAVE JUST ENABLED A MONSTER.

I AM SO ABNORMAL ABOUT THESE TWO.

Also these will apply to AMFMN!! Because SURPRISE, if no one has checked the fic tags, her name is listed as a main character. ;) She'll be arriving in Chapter 6!! :D

I cannot fucking WAIT to expand upon their dynamic, which is funny because by the time Bagi shows up, Phil is possessed so it won't be exploration through direct interactions until the recovery period waaay later in the fic. Nonetheless it'll be hype! :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Phil is a member of the "Bagi can do whatever she wants forever" club. He supports her rights and wrongs and fully believes she could kick his ass no matter how unbalanced of a fight it'd be in his favor (disclaimer I don't actually know Bagi's exact pvp skill level 🤔)

Bagi is a member of the "God I want Phil to take me on a flight some day, I am so sad his wings are fucked up" club. (She would probably be terrified /pos)

I don't know what it is about their friendship but I feel like Bagi is so much more attuned to the way Phil thinks than the average islander. I guess I'd say it's because of how perceptive she is in general, especially with how she's a detective? Whatever it is, Bagi just has this talent for reading Phil like a damn book. And she won't hesitate to call him on his bullshit either. She's much like Fit in that regard. Crow man can't hide SHIT

Like fr if Phil ever gave Bagi reason to be concerned the first thing she'd do is start cornering those closest to him and either ask what's up or be like "hey Phil's on some shit rn, we gotta go force him to confess whatever stupid shit he's shouldering on his own and bottling up"

Phil has definitely been whacked with the frying pan for not venting and acting like he has to brave the horrors alone btw. Bagi's the type of friend that'll kick your fucking ass if you're not self-caring or being mean to yourself. (I am projecting LMAO)

Bagi isn't as Holy Shit We Could Die Any Second about things as Phil, but they're both very protective people, which can manifest in very volatile ways when they're hurt or angered by something (ie: Feds). I would not want to experience their individual wraths simultaneously.

Bagi is one of the top people Phil shows his gift giving love language to. Be it resources she needs, pictures he's taken of her/Em/Tina or of weird island shit, the means to complete cookie tasks, etc. She's one of the first in mind.

GOD Phil wants her to teach him how to wield a frying pan so badly. He's an excellent swordsman and bowman, but PAN?? The enjoyment he'd get out of it would be infinite, he'd love to be kicking ass while getting a laugh out of it bc pan go BONG when it hits a motherfucker.

If one needs something the other says yes no hesitation. They might ask each other a couple questions, but as soon as they have 100% clarity, they trust each other with the rest and know that if something goes wrong, whoever is present at the time will unleash hell on the person or monster that caused it.

I've somewhat already hinted at it but GOD the mutual admiration they have for each other!! Their wits and way with words, their natural sense of leadership, their determination to defend what they believe in, what they think is right, and the people they love, their specific expertise, the list goes on. They just think the other is so fucking cool and brilliant.

Tbh I think in the right circumstances they'd teach each other some lowkey fucked up tricks they have up their sleeves. Like Bagi giving Phil insight on manipulating people into giving the answers you're looking for by asking the right carefully worded questions, or Phil teaching Bagi the best spots to hit/hurt a person/mob to really do some damage just purely as a "hey if you ever find yourself in a Situation, here's a tip" thing

I don't know how better to show this without explicitly saying it: These two are not the other's fucking caretaker. Phil is not Bagi's father figure and Bagi is not Phil's mother figure. Yes, they can scold each other when the other is doing something dumb (cough, 7 hcs ago, cough). Friends do that. They support each other and call each other on their bs. That is not parenting, that's being a good friend. And they are to each other.

On that note, it hasn't come up too much yet but when shit sucks (like when the eggs were lost or lost lives), they're good at distracting each other. But like without halting the process of dealing with their emotions. If they're sad, they'll be sad together, but they're good at picking the right conversation topics to lighten the mood. If they're mad, they'll be mad together, and they'll plan what to do about it with each other.

I think I've sorta demonstrated it well enough in a couple of these hcs already but AUGH, they're just. So on the same page with each other almost all the time. And when they aren't, they're so good at giving each other perspectives they didn't think of before. Which, I don't mean to compare Bagi to her brother here, but is also how Phil and Cellbit can be with each other too; though they've somewhat fallen out of that sync post-Purgatory. The way the Mystery Siblings are so on the same wavelength as Phil makes me so *slams fist on desk*

Phil is normally a very Just Vibin' kinda guy but Bagi can get him into some really deep intellectual conversations sometimes and it's so 🍿🍿🍿 to watch

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: More Running Grave

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: tonight I'm going to tell you more about cormorant ssstrike's latessst adventure King: there's more? Rowling: there'sss lotss more Rowling: itsss 961 pagesss Rowling: do not give me sshit sssteve Rowling: you of all people

Rowling: in thiss book, cormorant ssstrike makesss a whole lot of phone callsss and hangss out in a whole bunch of fancccy resstaurantsss Rowling: he doessn't actually do the detective work, he hiresss freelancersss for that Rowling: cormorant sstrike is a job creator

Rowling: so this guy hires cormorant ssstrike to get his autistic sson out of a cult Rowling: funny thing about this sson Rowling: he'sss really sssmart when he'ss making decisionss i agree with Rowling: but he'sss alssso a naive child when he'ss making deicionss i dissagree with

Rowling: so the guy is all 'i want to get my autistic son declared mentally incompetent because. c'mon, he's autistic he can't be trusted to think' Rowling: 'as evidence of his mental incompetence, you should know that he previously dabbled in socialism' George Romero:

Rowling: asss we all know Rowling: only really ssstupid people would fall for sssocialisssm Rowling: and abandon the good common sssense of blairite centrissm Romero: [eyes flashing,  L'Internationale plays] what did you say joanne Romero: what did you fucking say

Romero: you got a problem with the dictatorship of the proletariot joanne?!   Rowling: i don't know anything about that Rowling: i just know they're annoying online Romero: that's not a fair judgement! Romero: posting is not praxis!

Rowling: ugh i jussst hate the sssocialissstss, the transss, the autissticsss, the dissabledss... Barker: did you just write and publish a 961 page book about your internet enemies Rowling: correction Rowling: i wrote and published ANOTHER 961 page book about my internet enemies

Barker: why don't you just keep a burn book like a normal person Rowling: sshut up Rowling: it'sss perfectly acceptable to write a book to sshit on my internet enemies Rowling: dante did it Dante Alighieri: this is a call-out post for Boniface VIII Dante: highly problematic pope

Dante: check it out, you know that pope i don't like? Dante: what if he was in hell Dante: haha got 'im Barker: which pope is this? Dante: oh i dunno, all of them Dante: they all suck

Roald Dahl: ee hee hee i don't know what you're all mad about Dahl: writing petty grievances as literature is an upstanding british tradition ee hee hee Rowling: thank you roald Dahl: are you gonna say anything about the vegetarians ee hee hee Rowling: Dahl: i fucking HATE them

CS Lewis: oh yeah the FUCKING vegetarians Lewis: i wish they'd all fucking die Dahl: ee hee hee die PAINFULLY ee hee hee Dahl: oh you don't wanna eat an animal ee hee hee? what if you were DEAD instead ee hee hee King: King: huh british culture is kind of different isn't it Dahl: so you gonna give those fucking vegetarians what they got coming ee hee hee Rowling: they're   Rowling: not really a high priority for me Dahl: oh Dahl: what about the jews Rowling: oh yeah i got wordss about them Rowling: jussst you wait!

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

John 5:20

That's a different number to the one we had before. Which one was it before?

John's first chapter was 20:8. Are the numbers an indication of time? In which case, it is likely that this chapter refers to events happening even further in the past.

He sat down on a patch of brown grass and laughed a little, and said, “Beloved, it wouldn’t be over—it wouldn’t begin—for a year.” He said: It was the thin end of the wedge. He said that official paperwork claimed they’d decided to pull back and think things through again, but he’d always known they’d reinvested in something else, he just didn’t know what. He said when the leak happened everyone suddenly knew everything, their project was all over the news, everyone had a fucking opinion.

Yeah, in terms of timing, this is before the resurrection, regarding the ending of the project they'd been working on. The one where they tried to get everyone out.

It really sounds like John wasn't the one to kill everyone, rather - he was working on a way to save everyone, but it was the rich fuckers who cut the funding before they managed to save people.

C— was panicking because with the project over she was getting recalled to England and didn’t want to go, she’d got N— and didn’t want to leave her, refused to admit they were dating even though we all knew.

C was Cassiopeia, then, based on this, with N being Nigella, her cavalier. And partner.

He said, It was the last one that was getting to me. I knew all those bodies by name. Funny to say, but they were my mates, you know? I’d worked on them for such a long time, and they’d given us so much, and now they were going to get dumped in some concrete skip because after what we’d done to them they couldn’t be cremated or buried safely. I hated that.

Um

Yikes????

Did John know them when they were alive? Was he working with their bodies only, or with their revenants as well? Clearly he was conducting some kind of necromancy-resurrection research, and it did something to the bodies.

What the fuck did you do to the bodies, John?

Oh no but he felt bad about it and he knew them by name and they were his mates and that means it was ok for him to experiment on their bodies - but not burying or cremating the bodies, now THAT would be going too far.

Fucked up little man.

we had a pet cop, P—. She’d made detective by that point; was going on to big things in the MoD. Knew G— from way back, and G— and I were both hometown boys, so P— kept the heat down for us.

Pyrrha was a cop? Makes sense, I guess. And she'd been friends with Gideon for a really long time.

M— and A— could’ve walked into new jobs in a heartbeat but I was irradiated, I’d never work in the industry again. I sure as hell wouldn’t be allowed to work on anything else to do with you.

The word "irradiated" catches my attention here - metaphorically, the public "needed someone to blame" and John might have been the most high-profile person involved with this project - but, really, I think he's being quite literal here.

His research was quite literally radioactive.

And the last bit here implies that he was working on resurrection only to save Alecto. There was mention of cryotubes before - the other project, the one to save everyone else, wasn't a resurrection project, it was a preservation of life project. Maybe similar methods were used but ultimately for different goals.

Interesting.

but it was like the crisis had been announced all over again. Like you’d sprung this on us out of nowhere, like you’d never said you were sick. [...] It was about giving you breathing room, you know? I knew I wouldn’t live to see you get well, but I wanted to stop you hurting.

Let's backtrack a second here. This here highly implies that the imminent crisis was not just caused by Alecto, but caused - or exacerbated - by Alecto being sick.

That shows everything in a slightly different light, huh? John wasn't just selfishly wanting Alecto to be well because he loved her, and damn everyone else - Alecto's presence, or her sickness, was imminently threatening humanity.

Wow.

Before I started reading this book, I had some theories about who - or what - Alecto was. Let's revisit for a second.

She could have been an alien, or a genetically modified human; this whole thing seems to suggest a volatile, radioactive nature about her, as if she'd been made only from radioactive isotopes of the atoms that make up a human body. The idea creeps me the fuck out. This, here, suggests that her fate was inextricably tied to humanity's as a whole, which suggests more than just a radioactive body.

She was definitely an experimental subject, that one is very clear now.

Augustine calls Alecto a "monster" only after her resurrection. Her pre-rez personality is... honest to a fault, sweet, a little bit stupid.

And that REALLY sounds like someone we've been following in this book so far. Until further notice, we're going with Nona Is Alecto (minus memories) theory. She's dreaming her memories.

Sorry, almost forgot we were still reading a chapter here with all the theorycrafting. This one has been extremely interesting and illuminating so far.

But I wasn’t taking anything. I was sleeping like a baby. I was looking at those guys on the slab and something in me was like, I know you, I know this. He said, Told M— that. Huge mistake. She was like, Oh my God, you’re drinking, aren’t you. You’re on amphetamines. You are on coke. You are on amphetamines and coke. I was all, Yeah … Coke Zero. She didn’t laugh. I laughed. He said, I guess I’ve always thought any pun was automatically funny.

Sorry Mercymorn, but that IS funny.

Mentions of a "canister" and a "mixture". John kept working on the cryo-experiment which was tangled up with the saving-Alecto experiment.

“Most of the bodies got the melt, like we thought they would,” he said. “Damaged beyond repair. Their brains liquefied almost immediately. But, Harrow … all the ones I touched, all the ones I loved … they stayed incorrupti

Aha-!

Another dead-cut off chapter, just like the poem in the prologue.

Another clue.

Interesting that he says their brains liquefied - not their entire bodies; it was an experiment very much focused on the brains. Lends credibility to my brains-as-river theory.

John hadn't done anything special at this point - other than research. And being, ah, irradiated.

Maybe not actually just nuclear radiation. Some kind of necromantic radiation. And touching the bodies, or being near them, somehow spared them from degrading instantly once their power was shut off.

Also - he's clearly talking to Alecto as you here; he's recollecting memories that include Alecto, and yet he addresses her as Harrowhark. And he's telling the story, she's not just reliving memories.

Alecto-as-Nona is super far away from John right now, as far as we know - unless John is emitting the blue light, but his presence doesn't normally hurt necromancers; it's far more likely that the blue light is a Resurrection Beast, or related to one at least. (Mercymorn described the RB attacking the Mithraeum as "Blue like Loveday's eyes"...)

Does he have a psychic connection to Alecto? Does he address her as Harrow because she looks like Harrow? In order to not invoke her name? Is this real? Is it a memory?

All of this is extremely curious, cannot wait to read more.

[maxwell-grant]

Since it's been going around, how would various pulp heroes take on the Death Note murders, and would they survive the ordeal?

A couple of clarifications:

There is a possibility that Ogon Bat, who is a "God of Justice", is either already some kind of shinigami, or at least able to speak with and interact with Ryuk just fine.

The Golden Amazon and Emilia the Ragdoll could definitely kick Kira's ass and solve the case, but they absolutely should not be aware of the existence of the Death Note, that would just make things worse.

You'd think The Monarch / The Blue Morpho getting his hands on the Death Note would be an equally apocalyptic scenario but I don't think he'd even know what to do with it. He very clearly just wants to get one guy, and became the Blue Morpho so he could kill everyone standing in the way of getting that guy, and he's very clearly been putting off killing that one guy for years now. The Death Note is the solution to a problem he defines his life around trying and failing to solve. He'd be stumped.

Doc Savage, well on one hand of course he would solve the case, he's Doc Savage, if Kira was in a Doc Savage story the whole Shinigami business would have been smoke and mirrors perpetrated by criminals with access to a heart attack inducing machine with a perfectly logical explanation. On the other hand, Doc Savage is one of the only guys in here who is globally famous with his full name and face on the papers, so realistically Kira would nail him very quickly. I'm gonna split the difference by saying Doc would solve the case either way.

Nick Carter does most of the things Doc Savage does except he actually does regularly encounter weird fantastical kitchen sink bullshit on the regular, so I think he'd have a much easier time wrapping his head around the Death Note's particulars.

The Spider would not intuit the mechanics of the Death Note, he probably would not be aware of there even being a thing as a Death Note, but by the end of the story in the last paragraph he would have killed Kira one way or another, very possibly by accident. Same goes for the sword-n-sorcery characters featured there, they would have gotten their kills by the end of it (Spear would probably have the easiest time, he's just a caveman with a giant tyrannosaurus on his side and neither of them have names Light can use to kill them, he's fucked)

Six-Gun Gorilla does have a name that Light could use, but A: He would never find out, B: He would never think a gorilla would be his undoing, and C: There's a decent chance Ryuk would let the gorilla hunt and kill him because it's funny and so would be handing Six-Gun Gorilla the Death Note.

Nyctalope would probably survive Kira's usual method of execution given his heart is artificial, but I don't think he'd be able to crack the case, he's not much of a detective. A lot of these characters were chosen because they have different skillsets that don't make them as suited for uncovering this case regardless of how smart they are.

There is a decent chance that Hugo Danner would figure out Kira by complete accident, and most likely beg Light to find a way to kill him.

Nick and Nora Charles would not solve it but they'd be okay, the case would probably solve itself and they'd laugh it off.

I could also put Blue Morpho, El Sombra, The Whisperer, Black Bat and Hugo Danner in a "Would somehow make the situation worse" category.

Putting the names of the characters below the cut:

Can intuit the mechanics / Can solve the case -The Shadow, Arsene Lupin, Sherlock Holmes, Mexican Fantomas -Heiji Zenigata, Ogon Bat, Thomas Carnacki, Silver John/John the Balladeer, Sar Dubnotal -Nero Wolfe, Tom Strong, Tesla Strong, Nick Carter, Captain Harlock, Golden Amazon -Ducky (Lavender Jack), Rufus Carter, Theresa Ferrier (Lavender Jack), Emilia the Ragdoll, Carmen Sandiego, Rocambole

Can intuit the mechanics / Could not solve the case -The Spirit, The Phantom, Edison Hark (The Good Asian), Lavender Jack -G-8, Green Lama, Peter Cannon, Jules Grandin, Wesley Dodds, Judex -Indiana Jones, Spider-Man Noir, John Blacksad, John Thunstone, Nyctalope, Tintin, Solomon Kane

Cannot the mechanics / Can solve the case -The Spider, The Avenger, Doc Savage, Honoria Crabb -Assane Diop, Conan the Barbarian, Lobster Johnson, Tarzan, Dick Tracy -Flash Gordon, Professor Challenger, Red Sonja, Scrooge McDuck, Imaro -Byomkesh Bakshi, Six-Gun Gorilla, Spear (Primal), Black Terror, The Blue Morpho

Cannot intuit the mechanics / Could not solve the case -Moon Man, Green Hornet & Kato, Lone Ranger, The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh -Phillip Marlowe, Domino Lady, Rocketeer, Miss Fury, Hugo Danner, John Carter -Zorro, Black Bat, El Sombra, Shaft, Sailor Steve Costigan -Darkman, The Whisperer, Nick & Nora Charles, Crimson Clown

[weebsinstash]

Ok but like

Imagine if there is 1 spider who can tell the difference, a bestie you had that was perhaps the one who was sent to recruit you in the first place, and/or the one who was the first to go on a mission with you, and the first(outside of Miguel because ofc he had to watch and decide to let you join) to go yandere.

And imagine when YT shows they dont care, actively trying to distance themselves from her in any way they can. And they're the only one who can tell the difference, with just even seeing how they walk being enough to know it's not you.

But when they point out that's not you all the other spiders deny it, saying they'd be able to tell the difference without even trying(they cant lmao).

Then YT decides to make they're life hell because how fucking dare this rando try to out her?! So all the spiders bounce back and forth from treating them like shit to treating them how they normally would depending on which you they talk to.

Then when they nearly or they think they kill you they freaking the fuck out, having to be restrained to stop from helping you. Possibly even being degraded for trying to help 'YT', with some even saying they should kick them out of the society after.

Holy shit- imagine if they're the reason you live taking off their's and throwing it to you because they'll just go back to they're universe unlike you.

Or imagine they leave the society after you 'died', possibly even getting kicked out for attempting to attack 'you' in a fit of rage. Only to once back in they're own universe do their best to try and find a way to bring the real you back.

Queue you at your new home or job and what a looks like a hobo bursts in sobbing they're eyes out and calling your name. Tackling you into a hug, insisting their never letting you go and never letting those monsters near you again.

God love all this drama and heartbreak ♥️💕♥️💅

An idea I had thought of was "what if a Spiderperson Reader had been close to had to go do stuff in their own universe and that made them too busy to come and visit and during all the YouTwo drams they're instrumental in saving your ass"

Like for example Peter Porker and Spider Noir are absent from the second movie so say we've got Miguel and the other relevant Spiders are having their weekly "We Love Reader" power hour when Noir descends from above and shares the findings of his investigation, pure detective style, with pictures and everything, or lil Porker can tap into some toonforce shit and just glance at YouTwo and say "haha OK really funny, but where's the real one?"

Say you're good friends with Hobie and he has to "go underground for a lil while" cause he has to focus on fighting the fascists back home, and then he pops up like two months later, you're glitching out because YouTwo just smashed your bracelet and Miguel and tons and tons of other Spiders watching and facilitating and Hobie takes one look at YT, "who's this slag?"

Or, before he takes his trip, he comes to visit you at your apartment, definitely knowing it's you he's speaking to, and YouTwo is in Nueva York and you're starting to get paranoid and you open up to him about all your worries and the weird shit starting to happen, how you're worries about being replaced and how people are coming up to you about things you didn't say or do, and you even suggest a secret password so that the next time he speaks to you, he can know it's really you, and Hobie can tell you're just, absolutely stressed the fuck out about all of this, probably even passes the word on to Gwen and Pav since they're mutual friends to help keep an eye on you while he's gone, and to watch out for YouTwo

Cue Hobie "I hate fascists and tyrants" Brown coming back and you're just glitching all over the place with your bracelet broken on the ground while Miguel and tons of other Spiders are just WATCHING and you see him and immediately start screaming the password and "hobie, don't let them kill me, this is gonna kill me hobie, please help me, i dont wanna die, please i dont want to die" and, obviously best case scenario is "Hobie convinces them that YT is the fake" or "he opens a portal back home, gives you his bracelet, and both of you immediately fuck off to go flee into his home universe" but of course the more chaotic "you vanish and all hell breaks loose, a full on civil war between 'the Reader Loyalists' vs 'the YouTwo beta cucks' and everyone is scrambling to find you while you're off like, hanging out with Miles as he helps heal your trust by being a good little brother or getting creampied by Miguel 2

But like. Lmao. Imagine some shit happens like Reader was good pals with Sun Spider, told her you thought it was really inspiring to see a disabled Spider (and I mean depending on your preference Reader has problems themself) and like. It's a week after you've been "poofed away" and everyone is hanging out at like a celebration party or something just because, so many of then are convinced YT is you which means they're also still being nice as fuck to YT because you had been starting to become depressed and also the whole elevator incident and, everyone's having drinks and snacks and suddenly YT makes this sort of. Comment. It's either something like "who's the Spider in the wheelchair" or something like. Vaguely or super offensive "it's just kind of, awkward, you know, being around one of THOSE people"

And Pav is there and just kind of chuckles because he's confused and YouTwo continues "I just mean, you know. We're kind of better than them, you know? How did a cripple become a Spider?"

Cue everyone in earshot just, like, all but dropping everything in their hands as the realization sweeps over the room, "oh shit that's a fake, the real you is gone"

I imagine until they got caught that YouTwo is an absolute menace. Could suck up to one of the scientist Spidermen to help make bugs and wiretaps to spy on you in your apartment so YT can better impersonate you, intercepting any social plans and showing up in your place, learning personal info, private mannerisms. YT, to be blunt, using sex to control any Spiders who like you thst way to have them make fake alibis or spread rumors or help YT make other helpful connections (who are all also furious when YT is exposed, because, like, for ones who slept with them, dude that's rape, they all thought they were sleeping with someone else. Could you imagine Miguel fucking YT and that's like the first person he's been with since his wife has died and he had meant it to be with you and it actually be some big impactful like extremely emotional thing for him, and it's this massively personal invasion of his privacy and trust that it turned out to be an imposter. He feels dirty and disgusted and, oh my god he GOT RID OF YOU for this, this evil, selfish, manipulative whore

Reader off trying to mind their own goddamn business in their new home, either on their own or New Miguel, and you bump into someone who you USED to consider a friend and, with good intentions they tell the Spider Society you're alive and, it begins this massive manhunt with the intention of bring you "back home". THEY are all super extremely happy, making preparations to throw one big "We're So Sorry We Kind Of Replaced You And Almost Killed You" party, meanwhile YOU are terrified at the sight of any of them because you can't trust them and the Society as a whole anymore and, what if they tried to kill you again?

Miguel: I can't even express how glad I am that you're still alive. We've been looking everywhere for you because we're sorry and--

Reader, shoving bagels into their purse: sorry I have to go

[firefly--bright]

ur probably kinda sick of writing for th b99 au but can I request some fluff hcs pleeeeaaaseee I need something to balance out the angst

IM NOT SICK OF IT detective kirstein brainrot

- it's become like a tradition for the two of you to spend your dinner time together. it could be a really simple meal, sometimes some boring takeout but it would do, considering that almost the whole day was spent apart. soft music would be playing in the background while jean washed and cut the veggies, you'd boil some stock and get started on the noodles, you saying "she ramen on my soup till I noodle-" "she ramen on my noodle till I soup." "right, sorry, my bad." "yeah. get it right." and sometimes Connie crashes and then soon enough sasha and marco are also there and you're watching those terrible horror movies with cheap jumpscares. jean is a fucking crybaby about it you cannot convince me otherwise

- he's sitting beside you on the couch and Connies making fun of the ghost, sasha remarks on how bad she must smell which starts a whole debate between her and marco about if the outfit that people had on when they died was the same outfit that they'd have to spend their death days with, and jean is fully immersed in the movie, clutching a pillow and you try not to laugh at how he shifts closer to you. "it's fucking freezing in here." he says. "are u sure you're not just scared and want my protection?" "I'm. a grown man I don't know what you're talking about- FUCK." the last bit of his sentence was interrupted because the main character saw two glowing eyes in the corner or smth. grown man my ass. he holds you extra snuggly while falling asleep that night

- which is crazy considering his profession but it's so personal to me actually

- anyway, going back to the last post - he gets so pouty and clingy when he gets an unserious injury. like imagine he gets a cut on his thigh because he scraped it against a railing while chasing someone and he's exaggerating the story SO MUCH. "yeah and so I did a BACKFLIP-" "oh you can do those?" his chest puffs up, "yeah. duh. i can do a lot of things. and then I chased him down this alleyway and there was this grandma in one of the windows that saw me handcuff him and cheered for me." "I'm the grandma." you said, to which he replies, "yeah I like older women anyway." "WOW."

- he's arguing with eren on the job ALL THE TIME. back to when you two met, eren was looking around your appartment Just In Case and jean was SUPPOSED to be asking you relevant questions like "where were you yesterday morning?" to which you answered "I was in my room, getting ready for the day." "oh? I'm sure you looked great-" "oh." "i mean, like, I'm sure - like, you look great right now too. i mean, you. yeah. you're 👍" "thank you, detective." and eren has to butt in, "sorry, my partner usually just mouths off without thinking- "I do NOT." "thats why we call him hors-" "KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING BIRD."

great introduction, jean. he's kind of surprised that you even acknowledged him, IN PUBLIC CAUGHT IN 4K because he was so sure he blew it (he kinda did but it was really amusing and you kinda just wanted to talk to him because seeing him flustered was really funny and cute)

also!! bonus texts ;)

:D

(final hc - he listens to the most cuntiest songs while solving stuff. like he's filing paperwork while listening to 360 by Charli xcx)

[starlightshadowsworld]

Thinking of making a part 2 to Me and the Devil (Walking side by side).

Where the Agency put together that Atsushi going missing and the Cannabalism ability stopping out of nowhere, are very much connected.

The Agency end up bursting in to wherever Fyodor is holding Atsushi prisoner. Take in Atsushi's very sorry state and get him back home.

Hugging Atsushi, so relieved he's okay... But also what the fuck were you thinking?!

Atsushi being absolutely dumbfounded because... Didn't expect this. He handed himself over to Fyodor knowing he would probably die.

But did so anyway because if Mori or Fukuzawa died, they'd be an all out war between their organisations.

He says as much and doesn't get why everyone looks so upset.

"I know your mad at me, even though I don't get why. But I don't regret it."

And if that doesn't just break everyone's hearts.

"Atsushi, if it were me choosing to give myself up to save everyone, would you have come for me?"

"Absolutely."

"Than why is it werid that I'm here for you?"

"Because it's me..."

"Funny, that's exactly why I'm here. Why we're all here. Because no one gets left behind, you are part of the Armed Detective Agency. If Fyodor had killed you, it would be all out war."

"Why.. Why all this for me?"

"Because it's you."

Aka the everyone realises Atsushi has been self sacrificial and self hating since day one, they really should've seen this coming.

And remind him that he is worth so much and everything to them.

[raayllum]

hi your thematic tags in general frighten me and I love them. they have dragged me further down the rabbit hole than I knew existed. I hope many of your theories are proved right (PARTICULARLY excited about the speculation that the cube is one of the diamonds, like HES BEEN CARRYING THAT WITH HIM AND IF AARAVOS IS FREED BC HE COUPDNT MAKE HIMSELF DESTROY IT I JUST) i'm very normal about this u see

listen i am king of the rabbit hole, themes are my shovel and i just keep on digging. like we Know there's something up with the fucking relic staff. we Know that (presumably) all three quasar diamonds are needed to free rayla's parents (although maybe just one would work?) so one is presumably missing. aaravos' chest piece is noticeably gone but there's no way he was born / is probably a tangible mark of how he's Fallen and 'imperfect'. and like. after the "dark mage callum holding the ocean rune / moon being most on display" for the 2x08 visions foreshadowing 5x08 i would not put anything past them

like this shit? they'd think it's soo funny

i was thinking just the other day that the cube's current known ability of detecting the primal source of stuff would be helpful for someone who is going to collect multiple sources of primal magic, and while there might just be mage connoisseurs out there (we only know a couple of elven mages but they seem to mostly stay within their own primal?), it's like... that sounds Really helpful for a dark mage in particular?? who would want to use certain primals/ingredients for different spells?

even the emphasis rayla puts in her "dear callum" letter of a "missing piece of your heart" and how she has a missing piece of callum's, only to return that with the cube also on her shoulder (for no in-universe real reason? it's gotta be symbolic of Something)?? and the way the an arcanum is "the tiniest piece of a primal" the same way the key is Probably another piece of the prison puzzle and/or Aaravos' mystery because an arcanum is "a secret and a spark" (the mystery of Aaravos / "his touch: a blaze, a gift, a spark" from the midnight star poem) like

there's Something here in the consistency of the symbolism / language used, how tethered or overlapping it may be but like. WE'RE CONNECTING THE DOTS (we didn't connect shit) WE'RE CONNECTING THEM

[wilcze-kudly]

I read about your "Avatar Bolin AU" and I got curious. And what would the end of season 3 and the whole season 4 be like? (+2 season, if you want, although Bolin would really not trust Unalaq-) Is Bolin still poisoned? Who is working for Kuvira now? By the way, I really liked your idea and the idea of ​​"Someone is the Avatar, and Korra is not"

Huh that's actually very interesting. I think B3 would still go similarly, though I'm also 50/50 if Zaheer could even carry Bolin's beefy boy ass like he did with Korra.

I feel like our short king would struggle lmao

Though if we really wanna divert from canon, I can see Bolin being more receptive to Zaheer's rethoric due to having seen what the Earth Queen's rule has done to his own family and also because of his own upbringing disillusioning him towards governments and law enforcement, since republic city officilas apparently did fuck all about the many orphans.

It could provide some interesting drama between Bolin and Mako who probably might make a bond with Lin. Not sure if Mako would become a detective in this AU, probably feeling a lot of need to protect his brother.

Also the conversation between Zaheer and Bolin would be so funny.

Zaheer: we want to help the common people by removing leaders from power

Bolin: ok. Yay ❤️

Zaheer:*whispering to P'Li* what do I do now

I would also like to still see Bolin and Ghazan have that weird bantery mentor/student thing and maybe even expand on it.

LET THEM BE HOMIES LET GHAZAN BE BOLIN'S COOL WEIRD CRIMINAL UNCLE IT'S ALL I ASK

So I could see the Red Lotus storyline going completely differently depending on how much the Red Lotus would change their approach to Bolin. Since I'm not even sure they got arrested in this AU bcs in canon they were captured during their attempt at kidnapping Korra. So they might be mildly saner in this AU lol, or at least be more understanding of Bolin since it's not like he ever "had a chance" to join them.

It would also be an interesting look into them and how dedicated they are to their ideology. Since they wanted to kill the Avatar in order to stop the Avatar Cycle but Bolin being an Avatar more open to their ideas might cause them to think more about this. Maybe they'd even be divided with, for example, Zaheer trying to continue the mission of poisoning Bo, while maybe Ghazan would feel more conflicted and perhaps even consider other options.

So perhaps Bolin still gets poisoned but this time Ghazan (and maybe Ming-Hua, depending on who she sides with) would try and help him.

I imagine Bolin would still need a lot of time, just like Korra, to recover and he would be in the South Pole a lot. I imagine Mako would be with him, as his brother. So would Korra, whom I imagine as Katara's apprentice in this AU. I would love to imagine some Katara and Bolin interactions bcs I think that they're actual pretty similar in many aspects.

Katara and Bolin paralleling each other

Discussion of Mako and Sokka's similarities vs Bolin and Katara's similarities.

Long ass post on these two pairs of siblings

I think Bolin would be more willing to accept other people's help than Korra, so he could recover emotionally more quickly, bit I think he'd still be very wary and more insecure in himself. Maybe he'd really fall wayyy to deep into his coping mechanism and rely on people directing him even more than usual and the plot of B4 is him finally becoming more independent.

I actually find Asami working with Kuvira very interesting. I don't think she'd work directly under Kuvira, but she could be sort of a business partner, supplying weapons and mechas to the Earth Empire. And then having a crisis when those weapons are eventually used against Repuvlic City because she should rethink being a war profiteer tbh.

I also think it would be interesting to see Bolin interact with Kuvira in an AU where she hasn't been manipulating him for years. Since he has a more personal connection to the Earth Kingdom than Korra. Also, since I want Wei to be Bolin's romantic interest in this AU (bcs I'm me), I think this would provide an interesting extra layer of drama lol. Let Wei radicalise Bolin against Kuvira it's the right thing to do.

I honestly really like this AU bcs Bolin would be a fascinating Avatar due to his past.

And I love Korra as the avatar but girlie deserves a break lol.

[illarian-rambling]

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

Anyone who you think is in the wrong genre

Hehe, I'll answer for everyone >:)

Izjik should be in a Jackie Chan style martial arts movie. She's got the moves, she's funny, she'd thrive on slapstick. Give that woman an object that shouldn't conceivably be a weapon and set her loose!

Sepo is built to be the dark academia man every lead in the book is thirsting over. He's tall, got dark eyes, and has a tortured past. Unfortunately for the masses, he's also aroace, so they can suck it, but still, he'd do numbers in some sort of dark academia romance/mystery

Twenari has the soul of a sci-fi protag. She should be in space decrypting alien signals or cracking time travel. This rudimentary fantasy technology is not enough for her!

Djek belongs in a heist, easily. Actually, he'd probably be some goon the heroes in a heist defeat. The man can shout, "On it, boss!" then fuck up royally in ways you wouldn't believe.

Astra deserves to be in a proper Weird Western. She's already got the cowboy spirit - give her a trusty revolver and the secrets of some Great Old Ones to unravel, and she'll be beset with arcane madness in no time!

Mashal is best suited for a proper Arthurian fantasy, rather than the steampunk mess he's stuck in. He's already a knight. He'd be so happy hanging around other knights with codes of honor, rescuing princesses and shit.

Ivander, of course, should be in a noir detective story. I think it'd be cool to watch him solve a mystery for real and stand in the rain on a black and white screen, soft jazz playing in the background.

Elsind fully deserves the romance they've been dreaming of. A romcom, even. Actually, yeah, I'd watch the fuck out of an Elsind romcom. She's fully awkward enough to make it work. There'd be a big reveal at the end where the love interest accepts them for who they are in their true changeling form.

Avymere is basically already in a political thriller from their point of view. They'd be steller to watch maneuver through complex alliances and crush rivals.

Thanks for the ask, this was a fun one!

[crplpunkklavier]

obsessed with how klavier's canon timeline just fully makes no sense.

his trial against phoenix is his first, right. at this point, the gavinners are already famous enough to perform expensive concerts, due to their debut single hitting platinum overnight. we don't know when this happened, just that it had to be before the gramarye trial, because klavier talks about it there. ok.

when kristoph talks to him before the trial, in the flashback, we briefly see klavier's office, that already seems to have guitars all over the wall. that's not necessarily an inconsistency, it just means that even before he ever went to court, klavier had that office, and enough money to cram it full of guitars, which also suggests they aren't necessarily like a carefully curated collection, but were in fact just some 16~17 year old guy who just got a lot of money and bought 50 guitars at once in some sort of teenage frenzy.

we also don't know when exactly he took the bar exam, only that he took it in europe. obviously, it was before that first trial, so he might have even been younger than 17, but we don't know.

my favorite part, though, is that he says that daryan was the first detective he'd ever worked with, which can also mean a number of really weird things. clearly, the gavinners existed before klavier started prosecuting, so,

either he knew daryan before daryan was a detective, and they started the band together and then both also started into their law enforcement lives, in which case its hilariously strange of klavier to say that he was the first detective he ever worked with. like, i guess, but you also knew him when you were in high school.

or the gavinners existed without daryan for a short time, which seems unlikely, but would also be really funny given they had a platinum hit without this dude then. and then klavier starts working with a detective and is like hey you should join my glam rock band. yeah youve heard of us

or klavier worked with him on a case he just didnt prosecute, either because it didnt go to trial, or maybe he worked on it for school or something, which then implies that either daryan somehow made detective before he hit 20, or daryan is SEVERAL years older than klavier. which, according to canon ages, he is not. they're the same age. but maybe daryan pretends to be 5 years younger or something. wouldn't put it past him. or he pretended to be older with a fake ID so they'd let him into the force (also hilarious). because we know daryan didn't study abroad, since he canonically has never left the country.

and then lastly there's the fact that it is heavily implied that klavier just.... stopped prosecuting after the gramarye trial. or at least the judge hadn't seen him around in a while, and klavier doesn't deny that he was absent, allegedly because his band got so big. we're made to believe that he only returns once he hears of apollo, and yet his office looks the exact same, as far as we can see in pictures. which once again leaves us with two possibilities: klavier's office was left completely untouched for 7 years, or he moved out of there after one trial, and then came back 7 years later and decided, yep, i should put my guitars up again the exact same way i did when i was 17.

there's also a thousand other ways of reading all this really. i honestly think this was all just the writers sort of winging it, and it's not like the mason system doesn't fully fuck up the timeline in that game anyway, so i don't think any of these are any more or less canon than others. they're just fun theories to play around with. what the fuck was this guy doing.