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#theyre my organs after all
scurvioli · 1 year
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I wish the world was quieter so I could hear my internal organs and mechanisms work
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puppyeared · 2 months
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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coelacat · 2 months
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man while i understand it im so tired of the attitude of "if you dont think critically of every media you like ever and if you like stuff you cant think critically about youre stupid" mentality. its so prevalent just about everywhere i go online, youd forget that its an insanely online take
#i think about that rant about cyberpunk 2077 that went around a little#where they were like 'why did everyone just forgive cd projekt red for the broken state of the game after edgerunners???'#and its like. because babe most people playing cyberpunk 2077 are bethesda rpg fans. an extremely casual#'i wanna turn my brain off for my one free hour of games after work' type people#in the modern gaming landscape cyberpunk is like. fine. all the critiques ive seen of it are just things that can be lobbed at bethesda rpgs#and theres a massive market for those#there are still people who enjoy fucking starfield man idk what to tell you. people like games where you dont have to think#like. no. most people who enjoy these games arent single celled organisms too stupid to do anything but support the awful scammy dev studio#theyre usually just people who wanna live out a power fantasy#the yes man route in new vegas is so popular!!! for a reason!!!!#its literally the 'have fun and dont think too hard about your actions' run. everyone views it as themselves saving the wasteland#idk. this is a long rant its just been grinding my gears recently#like. broken games are fun. im sorry everyone shitting on gollum was one of the best online experiences ive had in a while#like fuck dude you dont see me shitting on everyone who plays mmos as mindless zombies who are too stupid to think#just because i view mmos as below myself#you are not better than a skyrim fan because you can see the writing flaws. i can guarantee they see them too and just dont care#because skyrim is fun. sorry. it is fun its an addicting game for a reason#rant
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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...
#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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alchemiccolored · 8 months
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lorebird · 1 year
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Some pokemon doodle rqs for @tentatechnologies and @saint-nevermore :3
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ryn-city · 27 days
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why why why why why why why why why why why why why
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screamingay · 3 months
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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mihai-florescu · 1 year
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E4E (enstarrie for enstarrie)
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britneyshakespeare · 1 year
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me when ive ordered myself a lil smth in the mail and i have smth to look forward to
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orcelito · 6 months
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Since I've got some life insurance money now, I keep ordering packages. Birthday gifts, household necessities/utility things that I've wanted but haven't bought b4 now for whatever reason (an electric kettle, a portable speaker, more outlet strips, wood cleaner, some cubbies for one of my new cabinets, etc), and Also a few frivolous nice things for myself (like the figurine, and the dice, and some comic books)
I'm expecting it to slow down after I've gotten things more settled, but I rly wonder what the post ppl think of me rn. Like "this bitch again?" I'm sorry post people I am simply trying to sort out my life rn. I promise I will be less annoying in time.
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real-life-cloud · 10 months
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:) 🧡
#the sky speaks#hiii i felt like rambling#im so busy lately!! retail job is exhausting and im working with my mom twice a week again#went to a yoga class with her on Sunday that was fun!! hard tho#and AUGGH. Christmas presents.........#i need to draw print and frame 2 pieces#make a blanket#and then when my mom isnt looking i need to organize her recipes. type them all up and print them out and find a like#pretty photo album type thing to put them in i think#i just bough stuff for my dad bc im making too much 😞#and i hav other atuff i need to do too#i need to take lucy to the vet. i need to help my mom finish painting the kitchen.#i need to clean out my garden bc i never got to it in the fall. i need to text my friend and plan a gift exchange probably after new years#and FUCK. i need to get stuff for her cousin. i told them id get them a Christmas gift... but idk what theyd like ......#its their first Christmas too!!!!!!!! (theyre an adult but we were all raised in a cult and they only just got out. long story)#so i defo wanna get them smthn#im a little bummed tho bc my friend never texted me for my bday#shes super busy + has memory issues + is not used to celebrating bdays (aforementioned cult stuff) so like i get it but now i feel awkward#cause like im fonna remind her when i do text her and its gonna make her feel bad but like. there is no hiding it#hmm i also need to make Christmas cookies for family n neighbors#and ive always wanted to look into mailing cookies!! i wanna send my internet friends cookies.... but again im so busy idk if i can thisyear#maybe i could do belated Christmas cookies.. new years cookies#on a sadder note ive been feeling very gender (bad edition) lately. especially todya#so weird that my family still calls me by my full name most of the time. and introduces me that way#and at work everyone calls me layn :) which is nice. some of my coworkers r trans too !!#i think i wanna get a pronoun pin for my uniform#but idk part of me wants to always introduce myself as layn and another feels off or insincere in that want. bc ive been helayna for so long#its just second nature to introduce myself with my full name. its less want and more muscle memory#speaking of names. ive thought of adding a new name. tryin one out. its been stewing for a while but i like the name owen#im running out of tags now whoopsie.. but yea theres a little life update ty for reading 💞
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.
#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there#im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold#at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire#theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade#of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about#the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc#its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a#metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm#just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone#its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it#everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much#damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i#collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells#me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my#wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im#excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it#feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun#is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's#what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy#but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire#unrelated#hm i should maybe add a tw to this#tw self injury#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life#but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it
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Guys I'm so incredibly sorry. My brain is currently full of gen 1 my little pony thoughts only suitable for the fictbio blog
#i have created so much fake science as to how magic works#after hundreds/thousands of years ponies evolved symbioticly with magic (which isnt technically alive but functions kinda like an organism)#and now most of them have generate amount of magic via their heads. which is why the hair is magic + all the magic is done with ears/noses#ponies with excessive amounts of magic usually have growths on their foreheads (unicorns) or eyes (the twinkle eye bitches)#there are ways to artificially enhance your control over magic (most notably tatoos which only heighten control over what the tatoo is of)#(which is why cutie marks are practically a cultural necessity. you usually choose one as a teenage coming of age thing)#(the ones babies have are temorary and pretty weak and just exist to fuck around and find out/let the kids explore their options)#((i might change my headcanons on this so cutie marks are actually natural but im proud of the hypothetical idea)#most babies we see are genetic clones but ponies can reproduce sexually#sea ponies are a relatively newly evolved species (if you can even say that about a species. theyre been here thousands of years)#and they're only semi-aquatic as babies. kind of. they have a separate air breathing respiratory system and water breathing one#and as bebs theyre still learning to use each one selectively so they need to gradually ease into the water over years so they dont drown#or maybe im wrong ive been reading the box descriptions for hours but its been forever since i watched the series#all i remember about the series is that not having a shadow makes you all kinds of sick#and that you call upon the seaponies when youre in destr-
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dexaroth · 1 year
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i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself
i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean
#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty..#it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu#inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..)#its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it#bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film#i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping#which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard#i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety#looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge..#it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall#im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is#i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent#AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!!#the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes#my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented#it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the>#>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either#finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones#AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY#A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore#now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page#dextxt#<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times
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0-dear-rose-0 · 1 year
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dear god that band au of Kyle Wendy Tolkien and Kenny you just posted is so GOOD i LOVE IT. Makes me... wanna write... you know... 👀👀 would be such a shame if you hit me with some of the brain rot surrounding this au teehee
IF YOU WRITE ANYRHUNG I WILL DIE OUT OF HAPPINESS
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Aherm
Ok the way I imagined is like😭🙏
So Wendy and tolkien and kyle are all study buddies and I imagine that south park decided to have a little event as kind of battle of the bands?? So the prize is like 5000 and Wendy was like WHAT IF we joined?? Just for fun
Tolkien plays the bass, Kyle guitar and Wendy can sing and since they all have a little bit of experience with music, Wendy is all confident that they'll definitely win. Tolkien points out that they probably need a drummer and Wendy's like well shit idk any drummers and then Kyle buts in like " I do !!"
Spoiler, it's Kenny. 😭 and so Wendy goes up to him and asks if he wants to join the band and Kenny is all like sorry I can't :/ I'm already in a band.
Wendy says "WITH WHO??"
UH OH, it's crimson dawn !! They're also joining the event 😔 and Wendy is a little pissed off and salty bc now it's ON and she's not letting Stan beat her (she's competitive) She relays this info back to Tolkien and Kyle and tolkien reason that as much as they want to win they should reallt find a drummer bc without one they'll probably get beat.
And so kyle goes up to kenny and goes pretty please join the band so kenny says yes. and Stan is APALLED. Oh the betrayal
And Wendy's like 🤨 bc obviously kenny is playing favorites (it's K2 I can't escape it)
Stan is very pissed off at both Kyle and kenny. And now crimson dawn needs a replacement for 😭 kenny 🙏 who is it, you may ask?? Idk I haven't decided 😔 part of me is thinking craig simply because it's funny to me when craig and Stan beef with each other. And I was also thinking Tweek because him playing like really heavy metal, I imagine he just puts all his frustrations into it and everyone is like 😧 but it's also not too surprising
Anyways timeskip kinda and Wendy's band wins !! ( I HAVENT DECIDED A NAME ARGHH)
They all work together to write songs and they're actually pretty good, kenny posts some online and they go kinda viral leading them to continue playing music for fun and getting recognized.!! Wupee
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